#having kids doesnt solve the issue of trauma

[moonshynecybin]

please i need you to elaborate about a rosquez proposal 🙏🏻. how, when and where would it be?

rosquez proposal is so interesting to me because i really dont think reconciliation solves all of their problems. like. sepang! somewhat yes. competition! if marc’s retired sure. THAT whole awful breakup and friction sage is mostlyish (the body does in fact keep the score sorry dudes) resolved. BUT. that does not get rid of some of vale’s weird gun-shy child of divorce marriage issues that in part (in rpf world) have compelled him to push marc away as hard as he could for some years…. like sure now he knows he’s COMMITTED he’s IN LOVE he’s IN THIS he’s subsumed marc into his life entirely and he’s HAPPY ! but resolving all that does not in fact fix his various neuroses i suspect. marriage is kind of the last hurdle that he’s scared to jump because it really DOES mean there’s no easy exit ramp if he gets hurt (again he was WILDLY hurt by the betrayal he made up in his head in 2015 lmao)…. and i also suspect marc of crazybananas loyalty complex (and valentino rossi abandonment trauma lmao) fame wants to get married frankly yesterday, and every second vale DOESNT propose he gets antsier and antsier…. so i do think it’s a moment a couple years post reconciliation where maybe they already have a KID and marc (less stir crazy about abandonment post baby lmao) snaps while they’re maybe. unloading the groceries or something mundane and domestic out of fucking NOWHERE and is like are you EVER going to propose to me?? and vale’s in his khakis munching on a cheese stick eyes HUGE like. UH. and then they elope and have a big ass ranch party a bit later after he does in fact put a ring (that he’s had for a year at this point just STEWING) on it.

[hideawaysis]

there are so many issues i have with the whole [redacted] thing and how it's being handled. not even going to touch on the callouts and stuff because im obviously anti-callout but like

1. stop making fuckin jokes about it a minor was groomed and people were hurt. this is a serious matter stop treating it so goddamn flippantly. yes i know dark humor is a valid coping mechanism but theres a time and place for that stuff and that is not here

2. stop specifically targeting her for having a noncon kink. the fact that she refused to stop using people's characters for that stuff after they expressed their discomfort isnt okay but like, there is nothing wrong with the kinks she has. it is the fact that she violated people's boundaries and did things without their consent that was bad, not the kink itself

3. stopppp harassing people over this as i said i am very vocally anti-callout and this is why. harassment doesnt solve shit. the person involved in this obviously needs help and therapy to actually change. she is an adult but still young and has spoken about having trauma from csa in the past, and abuse is a cycle that can be broken but can also be perpetrated. this isnt to excuse anything that she's done i think grooming kids is awful as a grooming survivor, but like, punitive justice is shit and doesnt do anything in the long run but teach people to be more sneaky about this stuff. what [redacted] needs here is rehabilitation.

yet again going to reiterate that i don't think csa is acceptable, i just think this whole thing is a fucking disaster and i need to get my thoughts on it out lest my head explodes. tldr stop being fucking deranged about this shit

[yellowbluemoonshine]

Little Touya’s Trauma

I see a lot of takes of Touya being the ‘selfish kid’ and honestly, i think thats very unfair thing to say because he is not like Shouto or even Shigaraki, of course because simply his trauma is different. Before i start, i would like to remind that i love Shouto a lot and Shigaraki is one of my faves but this post is gonna be about Touya.

Shouto and Touya have many similarities and even differences with trauma and all but i think the biggest difference between Touya and Shouto is simple;

One of them is eldest and other is the youngest child. This is important because Touya being the oldest and Shouto being the youngest tells a lot about their story because it changes their position and dynamic with their faimly.

The thing with most parents is their first child is their first experiment. Since most of them dont know how to deal with children or raising a kid, they messed up and instead of trying to solve the problem, they avoid the first child and try to not make the same mistake with other one. When i say ‘inexperienced parent’, i am not talking about Endeavour, really because Endeavour never intented to be parent and he always put his own ambitions above well being of his family. I am talking about Rei and even children.

The tragedy of Touya is not just him being burned to death and abandonded, its also his ‘training’ with Endeavour isnt considered as abuse by anyone, unlike Shouto who was crying. Endeavour may’ve not beat Touya but he was forcing Touya to push his limits at some point. (Most likely the reason Endeavour didnt beat Touya because Touya would obey and does anything his father said but Shouto wouldnt).

Endeavour didnt even care what would Touya want, HE decided Touya to be hero because in the end, what Touya wanted didnt matter. Touya didnt cry because he didnt know it was abnormal. Touya didnt cry because he wouldnt want to make his father disappointed. He was used as ‘tool’ but how he could know thats not how most fathers raise their sons? He already internalized the idea of his worth in his family, thats why, he wouldnt mind burning himself.

Rei and his siblings actually cared about Touya but i think i understand why he felt so unseen by them.

Rei knew that Endeavour wanted children only as successor but i think she never thought how this will end up ruin her children or how much it would hurt and ruin them. Which is why she was so protective of Shouto when it comes to training, she even would show Allmight as a good example so that he wouldnt turn out like Endeavour. Also, by focusing on Shout too much, she also (unintentionally) neglected her children. She wouldnt talk with touya about his issues, until Touya was already self destructing. She seems to understand that he is somehow struggling with issues with his father but she doesnt seem to udnerstand why Touya is so ‘obssessed’ with ‘training’ or why he wouldnt stop. Just like other members of Todoroki family.

Rei, Fuyumi, Natsuo. Rei seems surprised when Touya had mentalbreakdown. Fuyumi doesnt understand why his brother would go so far to hurt himself for the sake of ‘training’. Natsuo doesnt understand why his brother would cry and talk about this at the middle of night. Though, Natsuo changed his narrative after Touya’s death but Rei and Fuyumi saw as accident. ‘It wasnt Endeavour’s fault, it was Touya’s fault for being stubborn’. But it wasnt accident. It was Endeavour’s fault because that was the only way he gave to Touya.

Compared to this, the way they see Shouto and his ‘training’ is opposite. Fuyumi feels regret for not being able to protect his brother. Natsuo cant forget about the night Shouto’s screams when his face was burnt, he blames himself for not being able to do anything (in novel). Rei feels sorry for Shouto, seeing him as ‘the one who suffered the most’, ‘hero of the family’. Even Endeavour thinks this way. Whole family would avoid even talking about Touya, until he became a villain and made his story public. But even so, his family doesnt seem to understand. The one who needed to be isolated or changed wasnt Shouto or Touya, it was Endeavour. They all have regrets for Touya but it looks like they try to get rid of those regrets with Shouto more than Touya did because it was ‘too late’ for them to do it for Touya. Or maybe, they couldve seen Shouto as victim because of what happenned to Touya.

Curse of being first child of the family. Their thought process is even opposite with Shouto. For Touya, his father was like god like an existence, he would go far to excuse his father’s wrong actions, he did try everything for him but nothing changed and for Shouto, his father was monster but later, he saw him ‘change’. Shouto didnt love Endeavour, he didnt expect anything from him, thats why it was eaiser for him to accept him but that wont the case with Touya because Touya loved Endeavour more than anyone and it wasnt enough for Endeavour to change. I hope Shouto realized this too.

Touya does somehow understand what happenned to him and Shouto was abuse but in his mind, he internalized his abuse, that he is failure too much, he cant see himself or Shouto as victim. Even with Shigaraki, even he understand Afo’s horrible intentions, to him, ‘training a child’ is raising so he wouldnt see it as ‘that weird’ enough to do something.

Yes, Touya wasnt shown as kind as Tenko or even Shigaraki. And he is not like Bakugou either. He wasnt bully and he would repress his negative feelings towards Shouto because he knew it was wrong. Touya is a lot like Deku who would do anything, break himself over and over to prove his worth. And he was crybaby like Deku but at least, Deku had Inko and had a chance to be hero with power and well, Deku didnt have Endeavour as father. (We would learn more about Deku’s feeling worthless, if author allowed his characters to call out Bakugou and adress his bullying.)

Touya would cry easiely, he was drowning in his own feelings. His tears literally turn into fire and burn him to death and he lost his ability to cry. It would make sense for Touya to scared of his own feelings, distancing himself from everyone as trauma response. Similar to Tenko who cant hug anyone after he tried to reach out to his family but end up killing them.

But the difference between them is their father. Koutaro and Endeavour. They both had abusive fathers but Koutaro actually cared about Tenko and his family. Before the tragedy, Tenko was a lot like Shouto but even in better sitution because he wasnt isolated. Tenko had friends, he had cute dog and supportive big sister. Despite the abuse he had at home, his life was almost close to normal. Touya before his tragedy, he never had normal life. He felt distance with his family. He didnt have friends because Endeavour made him believe that Touya was living in different world from other kids. And after his death, he lived in streets, most likely never connecting with others.

Yes, Dabi is the most distant member in league but its not his fault. Members like Shigaraki and Twice show their care more than others because they know what it is like to loose someone they love to death. (Skipping Spinner and Compress but i think their family most likely cared them too). Unlike Toga and Dabi whose families are alive but abandonded anyway. At least Toga know how to fake it because she knows if she behaves well, people will be kinder to her. She wasnt raised like a soldier like Dabi and Shigaraki. She also lives for connections, unlike Dabi who always raised to believe connections are unneeded.

Basically, this boy never develop his social skills, he doesnt have manners, he is rude, he is distant but its not his fault. Its his trauma. He actually cares (in a distant but he cares). He doesnt much show his kindness as others (he showed it when he saved Twice, like hero and when he burnt Toga’s house etc) but that doesnt mean he isnt kind or he is selfish. Mercy, boy literally wants to die.

Bonus; He would also be friends with Tenko and his little group because he is just like Shouto ‘i dont need any friends’ kind of kid, well, Deku reach out to Shouto so Tenko would reach out to Touya too, just like how Shigaraki reach out to Dabi and gain his respect (and his care and loyalty, even he doesnt show it much).

[wawawawawawawawawawawawawa]

the anon who doesnt have aspd and taught myself empathy again here! i've never talked to a psych (self diagnosed autism) and as a teen i was p sure i had aspd (i Knew shit was strange w me and really wanted an explanation and once i figured out my mix of trauma and autism things made sense) coz lack of remorse and shit but i never actually really matched the rest of it -- i dont have substance abuse issues and never have, im p easily entertained, i've had the same three friends basically my entire life. i do though describe myself as the worlds most boring hedonist coz like yeah i sometimes have a hard time controlling my impulses and im motivated by fun but for me thats usually p simple -- easily entertained. read a book, video games, jump around to music. i AM frequently bored though?? like its my most frequent emotion and ive spent a Long time learning to cultivate my joy and really feel it properly. but im also the most easily excitable person i know. i dunno, i have v large emotions that appear then disappear quite quickly. a favourire hobby of mine since i was a kid has been to start arguments between the ppl i care abt and see how large i could make them in a single session then solve the argument w/o the ppl realising i'd manufactured and egged on the argument. which typing that out now seems uh. an interesting hobby. but late last year i told my younger brother and he laughed coz its a v me thing to do and was like "yo thats fucked. pls stop doing it to me" so since then ive mainly tried to just like playfully tease ppl in a normal way coz cognitively i understand its a fucked thing to do and im trynna be like, a decent person who doesnt go outta my way to play w ppl for funsies. which yeah that uh... maybe i Should look into aspd more again, i did a fairly shallow look into it as a teen and relating to azula as much as i did as a kid (and izaya as an older teen/young adult) was deff a sign of smth

i've followed you on this blog for a while (i think you'd only had it for a couple weeks when i first followed u?) so yeah i did know the story abt u and ur fiance! v cute

i feel like maybe we need a different identifier than "the anon who doesnt have aspd" because that might not be, uh. accurate! i have o clue why a lot of people with aspd seem to congregate around my account but i guess this is an aspd helpline now??????? whuh????

like im not complaining its just. how did i get here

also i think ive deadass used the "worlds most boring hedonist" descriptor for myself before and i deal w chronic boredom the same way you do- i have a LOT of hobbies and i plan elaborate projects and that entertains me but only temporarily

and thats the thing about aspd! it- like every other disorder- is a spectrum. you might not have substance abuse issues, and i do. you did.... your interesting hobby, and i find it morally fucked!* i have no idea your relationship with criminality, and i got fired for stealing

*i have done something similar but i have a moral policy of like, only fucking with people who Deserve It. who deserves what varies case by case and what exactly i do... i need to explain weird spiritual stuff to go in depth andyeah im not really itchin to be called crazy on tumblr dot cum

aspd in general is very misunderstood and no literature really focuses on what its like to have the disorder, only the perceived damage being around someone with the disorder will bring- which is why i initially self diagnosed thru tumblr posts from ppl talking about their symptoms in a serious educative way

sometimes i think like, maybe i don't have aspd, maybe i'm just autistic and i'm spreading misinformation- but i never really felt "at home" with other autistic people. its like- yeah i click better with other autistic people, but i'm still masking, i'm still faking, and even in this situation i can drop the mask partially but not fully. growing up with a personality disorder and trauma in communities largely filled with autistic people with trauma, very quickly teaches you that there's something different about you. it's an isolating, traumatizing feeling- my experience with this was mainly symptoms of npd, but like.... knowing you have a problem, wanting it fixed, and knowing nobody around you knows how deep the problem runs, and might even find its existence laughable or dangerous... it's isolating! and its shitty!!

generally i tend to Know if things i'm doing are bad or not, i just tend to not care in the moment, because it's better than being bored! entertainment wins out over everything. it's actually kind of terrible; i'll do stuff just to see a reaction out of people- it's like izaya, honestly, what happens when people are pushed to their breaking points?

thats kind of how i got so much into angst and psychological horror. not only did i want to break the characters, i wanted to break my audience. i'd tell my friends detailed stories about torture partly because i was interested in my story, mostly because i wanted to see their horrified reactions. i wanted to see how far was "too far," and i keep that stuff in my current narratives- i keep the pov extremely tight and do silly little tricks with narrative and formatting to make the audience feel like they're Really There

so yeah look into aspd. do it boy listen to me im the ps5 im speaking to you inside your brain. do it boy do it

[letmesleepy]

Hey Sleepy I know about Otto but what about Caroline? I've seen u tag oc tag stuff as Caroline. Who are they?

Thats Carolina ^_^ let me talk about her miserable life under the cut. Its under a cut cuz uhhhhh sensitive topics below. Also long as hell

Carolina is my fallout oc/sona/its complicated. We'll say shes an oc cuz shes only really a sona when im playin the games and when thats happening the pronouns are they/them but since its just me playing the they/themming is only in the head.

Shes in 3/nv/4 and dear god she goes through so much trauma. Shes a mute chick w huge anger issues who tries not to show it by constantly being @_@ about life. She had a tumor in her throat when she was 1 yr old, which if it wasnt removed would have traveled to her brain, if it didnt close off her ability to breathe first. She had to have surgery to have it removed, taking her vocal cords in the process.

She has a huge love for repairing tech such as computers and bots, and when she was in the vault she dreamed of being the person to maintain the water chip. But as you know f3 story she never got the chance, only ever being a pipboy repairmen (which she did enjoy but due to how isolated she was she wanted water chip job more so she could be more important and liked). She has an incredible memory too ✌.

Cuz of her mutism she had like almost no friends aside from amata + a few adults, only furthering her @_@ ing and not showing her emotions. This leads to FURTHER isolating cuz everyone just thinks shes weird. She struggles a lot w her self image due to this isolation and kids pickin on her for being mute + tall, leading to struggles w anorexia. Throughout the 10 yrs old f3 to f4 she tries to recover from this, but cuz the apocalyptic world is harsh she doesnt get well off at first, becoming an alcoholic alongside it, due to in f4 shes brainwashed/reprogrammed (cyborg from nv dlc) into believing shes a 200 yr old mom searching for her son. Not only brainwashed but had surgery to look like the original nora. This only worsens her self image problems when she realizes the truth. The reason shes brainwashed is cuz Father believes shes incredible, and due to her work in washington/vegas, believing she should take his place. Originally he thought she was a true vault dweller, having no radiation. By the time he found out she wasnt, it was too late. But he persisted anyway, still considering her determination and the charisma she would gain from nora to make her an excellent leader.

When she realizes shes actually NOT nora, and that they gave her a dead womans voice, thoughts, face, this leads to her almost going over the deep end, for a moment considering horrible things from making her anorexia worse for a sense of control to simply finding a hole to die in. But in the end she decides instead to combine her personality w noras, since nora is now stuck inside her. Nora is a "program" of sorts, existing in the cybernetic part of carolinas brain. She was scanned from the original noras head, who died during the capturing of shawn. Due to her being a corpse there were a lot of memories gone, so a lot was filled in or simply left blank. Shes a ghost of herself but she doesnt wanna die again, so she stays alive through carolina, the two becoming a new one. Carolina is now more vulnerable, with new thoughts, but in a way she finds a peace in it, feeling less lonely even if the company isnt entirely true. They ofc arent totally harmonious, at times being completely separate mentally, but they over time find this to be a good thing, always seeing things in a new way, coming up with better ways to solve things. Her only other constant company is f3 dogmeat, who stays by her side ever since they met. But that changes when she has to take care of shawn, who believes shes his bio mother. Now she has more company with him involved.

Originally carolina doesnt wanna take care of him, being very traumatized by what happened w Father, but in the end he wins her over, so they travel together. Ofc carolina tells shawn the truth, that shes not his mom. But he in the end decides it doesnt matter, that shes really cool and he wants her to be his mom. With this relief, she changes her face back as much as she can, and removes noras voice from her. Because of their new relationship, carolina opens up more, having a healthier lifestyle to set a good example, and making promises to not be as reckless in battle, cuz he worries about her :(. Over time she starts expressing herself more, still ofc sometimes @_@ but thats cuz she has apocalyptic autism and Is Just Like That. But overall she learns to laugh and actually be happy cuz she has someone to love again, and this time she doesnt let ppl step over her. As she recovers and loves, she gains more weight and becomes fat and strong ^-^ leading to her passion of engineering being more easy due to having more energy.... Not to mention the flustering attention she gets cuz shes a beefy woman in the apocalypse.

Tldr: i take yer gruff depressed middle aged man w daughter and raise you: gruff depressed middle aged woman w son. + cute doggy :)

[mer-acle]

Okay I have a bit of more time now so some ramble about alisha's mortal side of the family. Ig.

Firstly this all happened bc of a show called psych. I watched this back in january bc my mutual kept talking about it and it seemed nice. And since I was getting into pjo back then (big mistake I never should have consumed two medias together) I had a though of what would these people think about a demigod -> what if henry had a demigod child -> henry having a daughter from athena -> the first thought about alisha. And here we are. Yey. Nearly a year later.

Anyway about psych. Shawn pretends to be psychic so he can solve murders with the police department. His father his very annoyed but he is also very proud hehe. Shawn and his best friend Gus are in this secret together and I kid you not it is so hilarious. Those two share one braincell. Its questionable if they use it tho.

Shawn is the "doesnt take responsibilities" kinda person and he def has daddy issues hshsh. A menace for sure. He also has adhd (canon!!) I feel like he would be very thrown of by being an older brother out of nowhere and would be very lost. So ofc I had to give him a traumatized little sister. Also that man would not know about the greek myths so he's like athena??? Who is that? Meanwhile poor gus is like. THE GODDESS??? (he is a nerd and he def knows this stuff)

Honestly Gus and Shawn's friendship is so fucking good and I was like. Oh poor alisha she sees luke and herself in them :(((

The show starts in 2006 and goes on for quite a few years. I am not a hundred percent sure on how I'm gonna handle it but I'll probably pick a handful of eps I like and handle alisha's traumas bit by bit. (Baby is finally healing!!) But one things for sure. Alisha is going to go to there after the last olympian. I need to finish the war first. Oooh and she is 21 here.

I don't have a lot scenes in my mind and they arent set in stone yet but alisha cames looking for her birthfather, she wants to know why he left her, does she have more family, does she want to have a relationship with him etc. She meets with shawn first tho.

There is a lot of shenenigans there but in the end alisha ends up working for their fake company (she solves murders with them as an assistant) bc she and shawn but find the other very mysterious and are like "wtf is their deal??" (Alisha figures out shawn isnt a real psychic or a child of apollo three minutes in. She just needs to figure out why he is doing this) (shawn is going to take a bit longer I'm afraid) but alisha does mention she is here to find her birthfather so the idiots are like. Hey we can help you with that. So they, against alisha's protests, pretend to be a gay couple that adopted alisha and are helping her find her parentage. (They would do this btw. Gus has complaints too but at this point he is too deep in shsshsh) they do find some stuff but alisha finds her father when they visit shawn's dads house bc shawn needed help from him or sth. There is just this uncomfortable dinner.

Sigh. I have a lot of logistics to plan here. Fuck me. Ew. Ooooh also. One of shawn's coworkers, Lassie, hates shawn's ass so bad bc shawn does nothing but get on his nerves. When he realizes there is another spencer he regrets all his life choices. Poor guy.

Sorry me late

Lol I didn't think there was a crossover. It kinda explains why I felt like "Eve thinks I know them why does she think I know them?" Lmao

I have never seen psych lol

I already love Shawn and Alisha

Also the genre shift is awesome Alisha needs a war break lol

Poor Lassie lmao

[spitblaze]

I fully believe fiction does affect reality, I’m a victim of believing I wanted to be r*ped because I decided to read hard erotica likely written by 30+ year old men at the age of 14, but at the same time, I find it insulting that someone wants to compare my trauma of being groomed by a father figure to some anime boys a girl wrote. Because while some people get influenced by these things most people don’t. When I was about 17 I made a donation post asking people to donate money explaining my situation and very few did. No one cared about my real suffering. But I see tweets of some girl writing incest porn getting called out that gets thousands of people to call attention. Maybe it's just me personally, but I can't help but feel so damn angry over this. I feel like most of these people making these posts just wanna feel good about themselves and don’t actually care enough about what happens in the world. My groomer didn't use some fictional couple, and most people don’t. Usually they use their own ocs anyway. I’m in therapy still over my issues, but I just feel completely defeated at this point, I really don’t think we should make a billion callouts to some stupid ass fan fiction and instead we should donate our time to helping those we can, there's resources. I had to take a lot of energy to just write this like this and I’m sorry for just dropping this I’m just so damn tired of this nonsense, fiction can affect reality, but more often than now some girl on twitter isn't going to be convincing a bunch of kids that being groomed is ok, it's a one in a million case, and there's worse issues and other ways of using our energy.

Hi there, I'm not comparing your trauma personally to this deal- you weren't the only person who sent in a message, believe me, there were at least two others saying 'yea its just a drawing it doesnt matter at all', which...isnt true as you have just pointed out.

Your situation is terrible, the things you have gone through are terrible, and I can't start to speak on behalf of everyone who hasn't gone through these things- but I think I can reasonably say that we DO care what happens in the real world, and a lot of this activism you're seeing probably comes from younger people- teens and young adults- who don't really know what to do about it, don't know if they CAN do anything about it, but want to put some energy towards solving this problem and end up kinda...just making online firestorms against other teens and young adults instead of directing their energy towards more productive things. It's also kind of an internet societal expectation now to participate in activism, and actual real world activism is hard, but yelling at someone on twitter is very easy, but that's a slightly different problem. The point is that I get your frustration, these people mean well but for a good part not really focusing their anger in the right direction.

I would for sure encourage everyone riled up about this to look into actual steps for prevention and care for victims of csa, if you live in the US looking into things like PCAA or the Children's Defense Fund, and looking for volunteering opportunities for similar organizations in your area. I get that a lot of us would love to give but are barely keeping ourselves afloat- time is a lot easier to give, or if you really REALLY don't have another option- Tab For A Cause! Literally the easiest way to do this, just a browser extension that makes every new tab a page with a few banner ads, and the payment for those ads can be put towards charities of your choice, including Save The Children (which has an A- from Charity Watch so it's good). I'm not an expert on anything involved but I think I'm safe in saying it's generally a good idea to back up your words with actions.

[uselessheretic]

i think the post saying that you shouldnt read pdf copies of maus online and that if you cant afford maus and its not available at your library then you should suck it up bc youre not entitled to read maus is like... iont know man kinda missing the point of "maus is being banned in schools/libraries and children are losing access to this vital education resource"

maus has been in print for decades. most ppl who buy it are going to buy it secondhand. the author is doing perfectly fine financially and doesnt make the majority of his money from maus sales, and even then its currently a best seller and sold out p much everywhere.

idk like,,, the ppl most impacted by maus being banned cant buy it for themselves and also literally cant get it from the library bc of the whole being banned thing. its not a video game or superhero comic where ppl read it for entertainment. its a vital educational resource detailing his fathers experiences of surviving the holocaust which is crucial during a time of increasing holocaust denial and the erasure of jewish history.

idk the whole thing just feels kinda tone deaf and also privileged in terms of access to well stocked libraries or financial ability. saying that you need to "compensate the author for his generational trauma" feels? kinda gross?? and plays back into the mindset going on right now of liberals being like "maus may have been banned but we made it a bestseller! america wins!" when that does little to address the severe harm being done in these school districts

im also like djdjdjd when i read maus in school i didnt even read it from the book. my english teacher printed out copies of it for students who couldnt buy it themselves. do you know how hard it is to be a teen in poverty and trying to access literature when the library is not an option for you?

like for real, what you gonna say to a teen in tennessee who wants to read maus but cant? that theyre not entitled to it and should just hold off until theyre 18 and can afford to buy it themselves?

the point isnt to turn this into an issue solved by the individual where the focus is to pay the author (who again is doing FINE financially. not all comic artists are but he is and makes his money from things like artist panels and college appearances not book sales) the focus should be on the way that students are being denied critical access to stories about the holocaust and how to combat that. like djdjdj most ppl was gonna buy it secondhand anyways? if someones poor or without access to these resources then like sure read the pdf copy online im p sure the author is more concerned about access to education than whether six dollars gets sent to thriftbooks and would rather the 16 yo kid read maus online than just not bc they think they havent earned the right to

[towards-the-stars]

Idk man yall talk about like Tommy, Tubbo and Ranboo having very simplified views of the world cause theyre kids growing up with trauma but like nobody ever talks about Techno??? Techno also has a very simplified view of the world from what we’ve seen tbh. He continues to think that blowing up Lmanberg will solve the issue of governments existing and Im not sure why??? Literally every time a president dies or something blows up theyre just like oh well, time to do it again! Blowing up the land doesnt really do anything about the people that exist IN the govt. Also!!! He doesnt seem to care about like Eret or the Badlands or El Rapids??? You could make the argument that theyre not corrupted yet or something but idk. You could also say that its for revenge for what they did to him and Philza but thats still only the land. Not the people who’ve done the actual stuff against them.

[the-acid-pear]

Okay reviews came in on my post joking about making an essay comparing bugsnax to drugs so i guess i must do it now. I want to clarify that i didnt invent this theory, this was mentioned by some ppl here, some let’s players joked about too and even Tv Tropes mentions it, so im just going to ramble about it bc idc im hyperfixating HSBDSAMS. So let’s go (beware of spoilers)

First off we have how bugsnax are. Bugsnsax are a thing that make you desire them, they change your mind and body, you become extremely easy addicted to them, everyone in the island always talks of how goood and tasty they are. You could even theorize they can also block pain, implying by floofty’s leg. They change one’s mind, they make you need them until there is nothing of you left.

Now let’s describe the grumpuses side quests, but instead of saying bugsnax, i’ll say drugs. Wiggle to start. A famous star, with a single great hit, now she cant find the right inspiration to make another song. She is stressed and feels like she needs to come up with something new so she starts consuming ‘drugs�� thinking they will give her the inspiration she is looking for. She even does things like manipulating the man she loves in order to get more.

Another example, an interesting one, Cromdo. Cromdo is a poor man with a terrible job he hates. His solution to finally have money and being able to live his dream? Selling ‘drugs’. 

Chandlo is a very athletic guy. He constantly works out so he can become stronger and be able to protect his boyfriend, he even tends to push himself too hard as seen when he was trying to pull off the stump, so he starts consuming ‘drugs’ because he believes it will make him stronger.

Shelda is a one that i quite like. The spiritual hippie, trying to convince everyone in the island about how bad and toxic the ‘drugs’ are by pulling her whole show, but in the end even she cant resist the urge to consume them, thing she is clearly ashamed of, and its almost a “Don’t end up like me, kid” situation.

Gramble too is a good one, because he doesnt directly eat grumpuses (unless you force feed him that with this metaphor is even more awful), but he stills uses ‘drugs’ as a way to cope with his family abandoning him, thinking they love him and will make him happy.

I could go on and on explaining every single one of the grumpuses side quests like this, but its not necessary, since they all end up in the same thing. ‘Drugs’ dont help them. In fact, in most cases they do worse. They try to fix their lives consuming them, sure that they will give them what they are missing and make them happy, until in the end of all of their side quests they realize ‘drugs’ wont solve anything.

There is also something interesting to point out, and it is that bugsnax ONLY affect those that have a deep emotional issue, a hole they need to fill with something. All the grumpuses have a deep personal issue they need to deal with but instead ignore thinking ‘drugs’ are the solution for it. The only exceptions? The protagonist and Filbo. Meanwhile Filbo DOES consume ‘drugs’, Beffica mentions how he doesnt even like it, he just does it because everyone else does. One could theorize this is because Filbo doesnt have such deep emotional trauma that he needs to deal with. Yes, he does have problems, he has a very low self steem, but i think out of the entire cast is the one that tries the hardest.

For the protagonist, they are straight up are allergic to ‘drugs’ (which well irl would straight up kill you) and they’re not even aware of it. Why are they the only one that can’t consume them? Because their only problems are literally their job. They dont have any other sort of problem, they just need to get this story ready so they don’t lose their job. They aren’t out of ideas, out of money, out of second chances, etc. They just have one single problem that is being easily solved.

In conclusion, Bugsnax are a metaphor about drugs and how they can’t solve your problems, but will in fact just ruin you until there is nothing of you left,

[lavellander]

more bc i am unstoppable now

I Am Thinking About My DA Protagonists’ Taste In Romantic Partners both their “usual” type and why they’re drawn to their canon love interest (and the hypothetical ones from other games). i expect no one to give a shit abt this except me lsdfjd but im on a roll and its a good exercise or whatever. i’m sure i’ll use it eventually?????

once again. i know no one gives a fuck but if anyone DOES happen to want to torture themselves and read this pls know all my ocs are bi except zaniyah, who is a lesbian<3

sarenan: 

general disclaimer that “in the circle love is just a game” etc etc etc so while she definitely is more inclined to romantic relationships, she only really had friends w benefits at most

she likes smart people! she likes fun people, she likes people who can get on board with her fucked up sense of humor. she’s witty and charming and loves to flirt just to flirt, and in the circle that wasn’t much of an issue lol. leliana is the first person she ever feels like...foot-in-mouth around, bc suddenly she likes and is attracted to someone and...that’s allowed? it’s all very foreign to her but she falls Real Hard, Real Fast

in a hypothetical da2 romance obviously isabela is extremely hot but also sarenan canonically has a foursome w her, leli, and zev so dLFKKDS it makes sense that bela’s the love interest of choice<3 (but also i think it would be like...friends-to-friends with benefits-to-lovers lol)

in a hypothetical dai romance once again josie is very hot and also so sweet and cute and delightful !!!!! idk if its just me but i see similarities bw origins leli and josie so again it just makes sense to me that josie is the LI for an inq romance :’)

(BUT for the most part. it is pretty hard for me to imagine sarenan w anyone but leli, bc they are the only couple i have that like. makes sense. lmfao)

maeve: 

actually doesnt often have romantic relationships? she has ~flings~ and rarely catches feelings. she describes her type as “anyone sexy” 

(her and isabela do in fact have a brief Thing but strictly no strings attached; this is bc i was very very adamant about romancing isabela when i played da2 and then anders fucking SNIPED me. so i incorporated it into canon i guess. lmao)

her attraction to anders is originally just “sexy tortured man” and then “sexy tortured man that gives free healthcare to poor people!!!!” and then - after it’s clear it won’t be a fwb situation - she realizes she has Actual feelings for him and is like well. its been a good run. guess i’ll die! until he reciprocates dflksdjf then they are kirkwall’s weirdest couple to everyone except themselves :’)

in a hypothetical dao romance her and zev would be classic fuckbuddies who accidentally start having a crush on each other, absolutely refuse to acknowledge it, then someone else in the friend group is like “oh my god PLEASE just kiss we are all going insane watching yall do this” <3

in a hypothetical dai romance im still torn bw sera and bull. maeve would just keep hitting on sera until sera did something about it; bull would be similar to zevran in the fuckbuddies-accidentally-caught-feelings dynamic

alani:

i feel like (depending on the size of the clan etc) alani was prob mostly involved w people she’d known almost all her life. she’s obviously attracted to other ppl who like to learn and stuff, but other than that it’s equal opportunity crushes ykwim. she doesn’t even Know she has a thing about people who are like. puzzles to be solved until solas lol

in a hypothetical dao romance she’d be drawn to alistair bc...who wouldnt be. hes adorable. they’re both warm friendly charming sunshines and i think it’d be natural for them to be drawn to one another. once she realizes he has Baggage she’s like oh. OH. i have to defend you against the world now

in a hypothetical da2 romance i thiiink it would be kinda similar to solas. like oh this bitch has a lot of emotional walls up, he’s got some real shit going on. I Like That. also mage rights, hes a sad sexy doctor, we love a revolutionary, etc. it makes sense imo

zaniyah:

similar to maeve i think she’s more of a fling person than a relationship person, but she has had a couple gfs. she’s not very comfy being super serious but she’s a good gf and is very devoted. generally speaking i think she just likes Hot Ladies but is esp drawn to quirky / weird ppl lol

in a hypothetical dao romance she’d like morrigan bc 1) she’s hot and 2) she’s standoffish lol. she’d take it upon herself to get morrigan to like her as like, a personal triumph, but then along the way realize she has a real crush on her and be like shit? fuck? (the same goes for morg. it would be an oh shit oh fuck moment on both ends)

in a hypothetical da2 romance i think her and merrill would be more like friends to lovers :’) zaniyahs immediately like “youre weird. i like you” also they bond bc dalish etc, and over time she starts liking her more and more. eventually zaniyah just cant take it anymore and kisses merrill, apologizes profusely, etc, and merrill’s like “oh. i thought we were dating?” sldkfjsLDKFJds i care them

(josie is kind of an outlier bc she’s so graceful, collected, knows what to do/say always, etc. i dont believe in love at first sight but if i did thats what zaniyah and josie would be<333)

ranae:

she doesnt like. have a type really. because she’s just been in love w her childhood best friend since forever and doesnt think of what she might like in other ppl bc well. he’s right there? she assumes they’ll be together forever, even if only platonically :( 

when she meets morrigan she’s like oh i like women too apparently. cool?? when she meets alistair shes a little put off by the fact that hes a golden retriever, then clings to him bc Trauma, then VERY begrudgingly realizes she has a crush on him but feels like shes betraying tamlen 

eventually she comes to terms w the fact that like. theres nothing she can do about tamlen unfortunately, and alistair is here and Loves Her and he’s been the only person to make her truly happy in a very long time. it takes a lot for her to think she deserves that, but she does, and the rest is history :’)

in a hypothetical da2 romance it makes perfect sense to me that she’d latch onto the other Elf Who Is Full Of Rage immediately. they are both very intense and it can put other people off sometimes but they dont really care! die mad about it, shem! etc

in a hypothetical dai romance she’d be drawn (platonically) to blackwall bc grey warden stuff, but subconsciously they both kind of feel like frauds, like they dont deserve happiness, etc; theyre both kinda brusque, at least at first, too. she just kinda sees him as a buddy til she watches him bonding w sera or with some kids or something and then shes like  😳 😳 😳 and then angry that shes like that lmao

[changyang-cloud]

Chapters: 1/1 Fandom: 魔道祖师 - 墨香铜臭 | Módào Zǔshī - Mòxiāng Tóngxiù Rating: Teen And Up Audiences Warnings: Major Character Death Relationships: Jiāng Chéng | Jiāng Wǎnyín & Lán Zhàn | Lán Wàngjī, Jiāng Chéng | Jiāng Wǎnyín & Wèi Yīng | Wèi Wúxiàn, Jiāng Chéng | Jiāng Wǎnyín/Lán Zhàn | Lán Wàngjī, Jiāng Chéng | Jiāng Wǎnyín & Lán Yuàn | Lán Sīzhuī, Jīn Líng | Jīn Rúlán & Wèi Yīng | Wèi Wúxiàn, Lán Zhàn | Lán Wàngjī/Wèi Yīng | Wèi Wúxiàn, Lán Yuàn | Lán Sīzhuī & Lán Zhàn | Lán Wàngjī Characters: Jiang Cheng | Jiang Wanyin, Lan Zhan | Lan Wangji, Wei Ying | Wei Wuxian, Lan Yuan | Lan Sizhui, Jin Ling | Jin Rulan, Nie Huaisang Additional Tags: Queerplatonic Relationships, ZhànChéng, Marriage of Convenience, because aromantics romantisizing romance :), endgame wangxian still i promise, Fem!Jiang Cheng, Fem!WWX, Angst with a Happy Ending, i might be projecting a little, okay maybe a lot, jiang cheng doesnt know what love is, and also has some trauma to deal with so lets give her a minute, a-yuan accidentally solves some of his parents' marital issues, although there are way too many for him to actually solve them, some children for flavor, plenty of tears, Enemies to Lovers to Friends, or more accurately unwilling allies to married couple to found family, Canonical Character Death, Canon Temporary Character Death, (cough cough wwx cough) Summary:

Jiang Cheng huffed but spoke softly, "Am I even your wife? We were only married in name, I have no claim to your heart."

"The heart is not a simple thing. It was my luck that I could have loved someone so long and so fully,” Lan Wangji said truthfully. Because he did count himself fortunate to have loved Wei Ying, with all his heart. “And yet, for these past thirteen years, who was beside me, if not the one I love?" Jiang Cheng frowned. "How is that possible? The one you love is my shijie, my time beside you was but a misstep in your story."

"I love Wei Ying, fully and with my whole heart. For thirteen years, you knew this, and yet you stood beside me anyways. As my wife. And because of that, I have cared for you, fully and with my whole heart. Couldn’t that also be called love?"

Lan Wangji lowered his voice, proclaiming softly, "I love you, although maybe not in the same way. You're my wife, my partner. I can't imagine my life without you beside me."

Or the one where Jiang Cheng and Lan Wangji are a good married couple (debatable), good sect leaders (absolutely), and good parents (the kids would say so *shrugs*) but instead I only write the angst.

[floralkittygambler]

Reposting for reasons

Response to Honest’s post here: Doing this to spread this awareness more as I know theres a bit of a rift in the critical community - plus I really fucking go on. Im PISSED and I do apologise however it NEEDS urgent addressing. I know people will hate me for it but Im used to hate and honestly? Hating rather than helping to solve the issue only furthers my fucking point here. So yeah this is so more people are aware (no offense to any of those involved in said rift either, but this is an important message. Thank you for understanding and if I can do anything to make all sides comfortable, then please message me and I’ll do my upmost.) “ More awareness of this is needed. Even if it’s your favourite, you can’t justify their shit but rally against another’s shit. Have people tell you you’re experiences arent real or invalid because, like Husk, people have - in real life - shipped you with someone you are far from comfortable with but you still treat them like a person. Because you have basic respect. And people force you to accept harassment, touching, stalking, advances for THEIR satisfaction. People use you for their fantasies. But you’re just a ‘tsundere’ for it. Or you have addiction issues but people think being with another addict will ‘save’ you because you’re apparently too incompetent to save yourself. Love isnt some magic fuckin cure so stop romanticising it as a fuckin saviour. It’s gross and fuckin creepy. Get stalked and have someone NEVER accept your no just because you show youre still decent enough to not treat them shitty or any different from anyone else. Try having someone way older or way younger (both in morally fucked up ways) advance on you and people encourage that. People you’re supposed to feel safe around.

People touch you when you pull away or show discomfort. Follow you home. Have pictures of you and wont accept you dont like them like that and it’s not ‘playing hard to get’ or ‘the thrill of the chase’. Fuck. OFF. In fact, Im not only disappointed in the fandom. Im disappointed in the entire team who some should know better from their OWN personal experiences - or at least the bare minimal of being a fucking adult. Im disappointed in especially females (sorry idk whether girl or woman is more appropriate here-) who statistically are more likely to have experienced something similar at some point in their lives think this is a cute gay moment. No. Angel is made out as a fucking predator - Im not saying he is, Im saying that his persistence is very fucking unwelcome like one. People like Husk dont need that fucking invasiveness. They/We need patience and someone on our level. Angel’s I know are the fuckin polar opposite - and some of them I know are very sexually harassing, including unwanted touching. It’s a shitty way to present gay people. Gays are fuckin people. Some are cunts and some arent. It’s a HUMAN thing. But considering the shit theyve been subjected to, presenting a gay as a victim only to also show them as a perpetrator is insulting! And for those Ive seen argue this about how people like AD wouldnt know how to express their love normally and whatnot? His pig. His best friend. He’s in his fucking 30s. There are literal real life criminals who get molested as kids and then go on to molest kids. Not all who grow up like that turn into nonces. Stop just fucking STOP justifying and romanticising this bullshit! I used to see the good in AD but now he makes me fucking sick. Especially with my verrrrrry fucking real traumas and connections. But fuck me, eh? Because this fictional guy matters so much more. Fuck real victims. And whilst we’re at it, fuck AD too when it suits your fetishes! Sarcasm aside, the fans and the team need to straighten up their abhorrent behaviour. Stolas. Fucking clearly having an affair, knowingly fucking up his daughter’s mental health and bribing a guy into sex who only wants the book and nothing more. He even has a fucking warning button over Stolas- Guys, how do you think any of this is cute? Even the team gross me out- I genuinely see potential and talent and it’s all gone to shit to satisfy horny teens, horny adults, and literally everyone who doesnt for the life of them understand being an adult is more than sex, drugs, violence and swears! I REALLY want to keep enjoying HB/HH but it’s getting harder and harder with such ignorant and bordering lazy creators (note: lazy as in wont do the fucking research or actually listen to real criticism and victims), such despicable fans (yeah, some HDers fuckin mocked that they triggered my ED, yet they had the fucking NERVE to support Angel’s potential ED AND laugh and blame me for me getting treated so badly for actually having the balls to call Angel and the teams hypocrisy. I got told to kill myself, that my problems arent real - oh but Angels apparently is! Which... They *are* but AD isnt real so technically only onlookers will suffer and not a drawing  - and they just excused their toxic behaviours. These people are like “aww poor angie babey!” yet fuckin INSULT sex workers. All this red in Hazbin yet it feels everyone and they mama colour blind. The issues are getting worse and fans are outright becoming EVIL, VILE, Vindictive little bullies - from kids to adults. You SHOULD be ashamed of yourself if you conduct yourself in such a manner. And you need to readjust your attitudes and behaviours because the only fuckers getting hurt are actual fucking victims. Ever been violated and been gaslit so much you STILL fucking question it’s reality? So you drown that shit out yet somehow it’s effects still hit you? Fetishise it. Make it your uwu gae couple goals, you’re no better than people believing Harley and the Joker werent toxic af. If this shit happened to you, most of you would actually SEE where we’re all coming from. Also, stop making gay a fetish - you’re like those creepy old men in the alley heckling lesbians to make out so they can wank off. Gays, no ALL the LGBT+ are fucking people too. So dont give me that bullshit then start turning everything just gay or just straight to mentally wank off to. It’s degrading and dehumanising. And yes, fiction does effect reality. You crush on a fictional character? Mourn one? Support one? Hell, fuckin jerk off to one - that’s affecting reality. Remember how in fiction all blacks were treated as villians? Look how theyre treated IRL. JAWS, great classic unfortunately their was a spike in shark killings over a fucking movie - the shark in the movie wasnt even real for the most part because they dont behave like that! (Also the animatronic was so shit they genuinely had so many issues - I think they even took to naming each one! Some fun trivia there!). Tiger sharks are more nasty than great whites as tiger sharks will hunt and eat a human. Great whites prefer seals and dislike human flesh, they just mistake us for seals. Hell, theres the toothless basking shark - theyre often SWAM WITH by divers for being so friendly. Yet Jaws made people think all sharks are bloodlusting over humans. Slenderman was created for a fucking contest and that influenced a stabbing (NOT Victor’s fault). Watch a horror movie that isnt based on a real life event and tell me that at least ONE has left you peaking over your shoulder. Stella may be a bitch - we dont know for certain - but try getting cheated on. Y’know what? Try growing up in such a broken home like Octavia. Yeah reaaaaaal fucking cute now, huh? Funny how as well y’all petition for male victims to be taken seriously then laugh when fictional males experience this abuse, further adding to stigma. You can be hit on by the hottest mf on the planet but if you arent interested, that should be respected! Also we’ve all been inspired by at least one fictional character so yeah. Yknow, since I was little Ive been fighting for sex worker and homeless rights. But HH/HB treatment of both leave a bitter taste in my mouth. I’ll still fully support sex workers and the homeless, but that’s the fucking effect this show is having. Bearing in mind I wont ever share everything Ive been through - and I shouldnt fucking have to in order to be believed and validated (obvs proof is required in a legal case but that’s a whole other topic). Why should I share MY fucking pain especially when you fuckers have belittled and triggered it more so? We have our rights to our secrets but fuck ME you lot NEED to start acting appropriately and like decent fucking humans. ‘iTs HeLl’ yeah and welcome to Earth- the team and yourselves live HERE. You obide by THESE rules. And as someone with beliefs (and a LOT of ancient fucking texts and studies on this shit) their Hell isnt even a proper Hell! It’s closer to purgatory and even then it’s not. Regardless, it’s a poorly built world with the lore consistently changing per episode and tweet, with many plot holes, and is apparently easy to get into - even via accidentally watching porn according to a stream. If youre gonna parade youre a fucking expert and research into demonology and use real believed figures, at least get THAT right. In fact, Lucifer and Lilith (and Stolas tbf) are ESPECIALLY risky as theyre a lot more complex than most easy access texts will tell you. Likewise, Stolas’s first introduction and main focus is sex. He’s one of the FEW Goetia demons that dont have some involvement in relationship issues at ALL. He’s known for astrology, crystals and herbs but hes also known to aid MONEY troubles (it’s lesser known but it’s true! HB Stolas is an insult to the Prince). Turning Vodou into something evil is vile considering it’s powerful and liberated slaves. Pentagrams are nothing to do with Satan, they’re magic based sigils. Upside down cross is the symbol of a SAINT. It’s just some edgy attempt to trick people into believing they know more than they do. Also you should NEVER dabble and doodle sigils without knowing the meanings or respecting what they behold. Vox and Val, real fuckin cute way to make them look like a stupid fucking highschool drama instead of a fucking SEX TRAFFICKER (note: real pimps often target YOUNG folks too - aka minors - and groom them into sex work. Theres different types of pimp. Viv has shown barely any understanding of ‘the game’ and its a fucking insult to injury. Yes we KNOW what a fucking pimp and prozzie are! We dont need to see it. We need REAL AWARENESS.) and a fucking scheming bastard of a CEO salesman botman. And yet even THEN lets go a step further and make some yandere wuv on boyfweind aboose! Fuck off- Now I love a good anime but these tropes are getting fucking dangerous now. And unrealistic to real love and relationships. Kids nowadays know fuck all on a healthy relationship (neither did the fuckin 50s tbf) and Im seeing more romaticism and glorifying abusive situations. Like the show ‘You’. Ok, there’s a fuckin bloke online who slaughtered innocents and kidnapped yet people commented how cute he is on his IG and that they want to be kidnapped or killed by him next. Dont believe me? Look up Peter Manfredonia Connecticut and the comments people left him and then tell me why shit like whats being presented in HH/HB ISNT fucking concerning - because it is. For a series about redemption, it’s brilliant at the opposite (Quote from the creator herself, Viv has posted that it’s influencing her bad choices. Even as a joke, proof’s in the pudding). And the overall focus on sex in the way Viv does is so immature and really creepy, and this is from an ADULTS perspective. From one adult to another, Im concerned as to why any of them think this is a normal fixation. Then again they’ve hired quite a large amount of dodgy folks and even a child. Most of this shit gets avoided with a basic background check like most companies run. I DO like Hazbin. Or the premise. I love some of the cast and spite the others. In Helluva, I just like a tiny portion of the cast. And I critique it so harshly because Viv DOES need a wakeup slap, grounding to reality, people who arent going to big her up or kiss her arse for once and shape her up to be the best she can be. The actually reach and even surpass her potential. And to reach where you need to be, there’s a lot of harsh lessons youll face. That’s life. Shes chosen one of the most HEARTLESS industries and if she blocks out critique as ‘hate’ then she’s not strong enough and wont last. It’s just another unprepped YanDev again (except I dont believe Viv to be a nonce. Even with her dodgy past and dodgy present, I think her perspective on sex and relationship with sexuality is FAR from healthy BUT I dont believe she’s a pedophile. Ive bled my fair share and so far, I just think her sex perspective isnt healthy or mature for her age. But there’s little to nothing to suggest actual noncery - dont worry about accusations there. But YanDev is totally a dirty predator. Just clearing that up). Viv NEEDS some harshness and stability if she wants to do things right. And it’ll make her fucking cry but if she loves these projects as much as she claims to, then you’ll sacrifice blood, sweat and tears for that shit. Even the strongest points are mediocre at best when properly observed. She CAN do more, but she’ll have to face the harsh music. Viv wont see this, but if she does, I dont care if it upsets her. Why? Because this is that much of an issue - something she’s cultivated - that she needs to take action and not ignore it or be secretive about it. She needs to grow up and get tougher skin. Im not saying this to cause her pain. In fact, I wouldnt waste my fucking limited time if I DIDNT care. Trust me, I have duties to be met at a certain quota every single day. I say this shit only because I give a shit and care. If we met, she’d fucking hate me. But people like me are good for shaping people up to their potential. And we arent always this ‘tough love’ either. But when someone needs that level of harshness to help themselves, we’re not afraid to lose people or cause upset if the results end up being the best for them. If she ever saw this, she needs to re fucking evaluate her message, her story, and those she’s choosing to welcome into her circle. And all Im seeing is one rookie mistake after the other. Her paid patreon discord. Just like the messages Honest has posted on her side of being harassed (not in Vivs fyi), Ive experienced shit and bullying and even stay silent on their for being attacked for a group I fuckin paid to be in and yet I feel isolated. It’s all arsekissing and ‘thank you viv’ (thats an actual channel-) and it feels like a place of borderline worship and people trying to appease her 24/7 whilst kicking others with different opinions down. There’s so many I love but I aint kissin yer fuckin arse. Ask the closest friend I have - we’re fucking raw and wont just side with each other just because. We’ll call each other out if we think they’ve fucked up and then help each other build themselves up better. Because real fuckin people who actually care wont just want to be adored by you. They’ll care enough to point out your bullshit and help you, even if they upset you at the time. They’re real and upfront with you. People like us arent always the easiest to be close to either because we arent afraid of upsetting someone if it’s in their best interest and to help them. Likewise, we dont go out looking for fights either. Most times, we’re fuckin soft bastards- All this shit listed is the fuckin surface level of the real life hell of this fandom. And unsurprisingly, those who experience little to no toxicity have always been higher on that popularity ‘food chain’ - enough admirers and shared opinions that people wanna arse kiss regardless of their OWN feelings as well as neutral perspectives. I’d say you’re the lucky fans, but you’re not. You’re sheltered, and that isnt always the best way to be sadly. As for the fans. If Ive upset you. Well... I dont care. Because many of you have actively sought me out and weaponised my traumas against me. You never cared about my feelings then. Why should I care about yours? Im not doing this out of malice. Im fed up of humans behaving so pathetically yet claiming to be high and mighty. Most of you have been arseholes to those in and out of the community. The victims and non-victims alike. Hardly any of you considered once my real suffering. You put a drawing over a life. Many lives. You had the audacity to tell me Im full of shit. Some even using my real traumas to make a mockery of me and those Im around with a very similar history. Some with traumatic histories that differ from my own. You hardly ever considered the real lives of those effected. So no, Im not sorry for having the fucking balls to this day to still stand up for our rights and give us a voice that’s long been stolen. Im not sorry for being a fucking victim. Im not sorry for saying what desperately NEEDS voicing. And Im not sorry for not conforming to you or any fandom just to belong. We deserve better than to constantly be your fuckin arse monkeys (well... the trope is butt monkey but yknow-) and to be mistreated, misrepresented and harmed by you. You’re no different to the school bullies who give speeches on anti-bullying day. And I hope every single one of you starts looking into yourselves and improving. PS: Depending on the texts you read, Lucifer is said to have been redeemed or to be redeemed. Fun fact to haunt yalls with~ “

[normal-thoughts-official]

okay so alec is completely excited to have kids and casually talks about them here and there and thinks even magnus also wants them but magnus isn't very into having kids he doesn't say anything when Alec talks about having them cause insecurity *sprinkle angst *

udhdhdhdjsnsksm this has me torn because on the one hand i really dont stan "having kids" plots (i really hate the idea of having any and they usually just feel very like.... "following standart procedure" anyway and boy id love to have more happy couples who dont fucking want kids) but on the other i do think Magnus would want them? i mean he already has 73737383 children and he loves kids and he was all longingly looking at children after the s3 breakup and shit. so i tend to think he'd want to? idk

with that being said tho, definitely not now. i mean Alec and him are definitely still easing into their relationship and this is not the kind of step you can speedrun into even if they got married in like two months lmao. also he went through some fucking trauma that he needs to process, he was tortured, he lost his best friend, he lost his magic and his home and that's on top of a lot of other unresolved issues. i mean i think Magnus has been healing from Camille and asmodeus and everything else for a long time and that's why he was even ready to start a relationship, but like. it's still far from resolved

and he needs time to process that, and honestly Alec needs it too, needs time to process his own abuse and trauma and unhealthy coping mechanisms, isolating tendencies, taking-responsibility-for-everybody tendencies. but i dont think he sees that quite yet, especially because like, now that he has Magnus, he's living the dream and he's on a high and he wants to go for everything he didn't dare to dream of

so Magnus has to be like hold your horses cowboy i dont think either of us are ready for that. and he's scared af that Alec will take that as a rejection or give up on him because Magnus cant give him what he wants- and Alec feels a little hurt too, a little wounded, because he kind if- well, assumed. like this is what couples do, right? and also what was expected of him. "start a family". educate new generations. whatever

so it's a painful conversation for them both but for once Magnus is the one to push it forward and not let it go until they understand each other. and slowly Alec realizes that Magnus is right, that he wouldnt even know where to start with a kid anyway, that there's still so much in his life thats unstable and precariously balanced without adding a kid into the mix

besides, they have infinite time. they're immortal. they can wait, and this is not set on stone

and id like to think that they both finally, finally start therapy after that. i like to think that warlock therapists are a thing - i mean vampire and werewolf therapists certainly are anyway because of course some therapists would have been realistically turned at some point. but i like warlock therapists specifically because they can get their education in a completely different way, plus they can dedicate themselves to understanding the traumas specific to shadow people from the start - like being Turned, like immortality angst, like fantastical racism, like whatever the fuck's even going on with shadowhunter society - and also mix in magic with their techniques

obviously you cant just magically solve trauma but you can use magic to assess memories and experiences or provide small, temporary treatments, although of course you have to be really careful not to force the patient into something they're not yet ready for. but just like. idk there are possibilities, using magic for hypnosis, using magic to create scenarios that the patient can play out and imagine, using magic to assess feelings that the patient doesnt know how to put into words so they can better help them find a way to describe it, using magic as a form of art therapy. there are a lot of possibilities and i really dig the idea of warlock academies dedicated to studying, discussing and creating methods that mix the usual mundane knowledge with shadow world knowledge and magic. plus specifically studying the issues that affect shadow people, since even a mundane therapist who was Turned would be very out of their depth to explore the trauma of someone like, say, Maia, who was Turned on top of her abuse and whose wolf issues probably mix in with other body issues/dysphoria (trans maia ftw baby!), not to mention the fantastical racism on top of regular racism, pack issues, etc etc

anyway i need to stop being so obsessed with warlock society when nobody asked lmao but anyway i think Magnus and Alec would both find themselves therapists and work out their personal issues, as well as of course supporting each other as they always do, and go through the painful process of revisiting traumas and healing together

and maybe eventually they do decide to have kids, or they realize one day that they already have a family, with alec's siblings and magnus' downworlder kids and their friends and their friends' kids, and theyre happy with that. but either way theyre glad they didnt take that decision lightly, and that they took time for themselves instead of immediately jumping into finding someone else to take care of instead, like theyre both so used to doing

[sexy-cheese]

Rick and Morty Season 3 Episode 6

episode breakdown....and by breakdown I mean me....im breaking down...into sobs and endless sadness and bitter impatient tears....its me. im broken down Stage 1: we see a combination of enlightened rick (er) and toxic rick (tr) trying to get through the trauma of whatever it is they have just survived. Tr would most likely start rampaging, cursing, breaking shit, and trying to kill off anyone around him in a homicidal blur until he calmed down, however er is probably in there wondering why they even did the stupid thing in the first place. Its not their place to meddle. They are an all powerful super being with highly superior intelligence, so why do they feel this horror and trauma for such a worthless gain? Together they neutralize into a 'drink until the pain is gone mentality' henceforth leading to our rick's alcoholism and ideology of the just 'dont think about it' mindset this is the rick we know. The push everything aside, drink, and dont think Stage 2: Tr separates. If you notice, the very first thing he screams when he wakes up is "morty", because naturally it is the first thing on his mind. He frantically searches for him and then calls him a worthless piece of shit, continuously bringing up how stupid and useless he is. This comes from his severe fear of detachment from morty if he were ever to become overly confident and decide he doesnt need his grandpas cool adventures or life style anymore. If a morty gets too confident, he leaves his rick and becomes a sociopath. Normal rick can relatively keep the urge to bring morty's confidence down under control, but tr impulsively spews it out, so damn afriad that morty will wake up and realize he doesnt need him at any moment. He constantly has to cry out and tell him that they need each other, in his own toxic way. Calling him 'a piece of shit' is basically begging him 'dont leave me' he has to make him think he needs him. got it? lets move to the next step of stage 2 tr constantly says things like "im a god" "im above this" "everyone around me is garbage" "you think normal people can do this?" so obliviously this is his narcissism and entitlement, but digging deeper it is also his sense of inner insecurity. now, you may say 'WHAAAT RENATA HOW CAN DAT BEEE?" well lemme splain. basically rick knows how smart he is, he knows how powerful he is, and he knows all the stuff he could do with this power and intelligence....but that's the thing, he really doesnt know all the stuff he could be doing, because he doesnt do it. running around in the toxic can, you can see him panicking, frantically working and running to make stuff and do things. He knows how great he is, but he has no idea how to use it or what he should be doing with it. Think about it, when someone tells you "ayy, your the smartest being in the multiverse and could probably cure the world of every sickness"....wouldn't YOU be a little overwhelmed? He has so much to live up to (an impossible amount) that he hides behind the idea that he doesn't care about any of it. He cant use his power to save the universe, so instead he claims he doesnt care about it. but deep down he feels bad, because he feels like everyone expects him to do something, when in reality theres way too much to do so, to sum up, Toxic Rick is made up of multiple other different things than just narcissism and selfishness and rage...just like toxic morty, he is also his burning insecurity in the fact that hes just a normal man, who happens to be the only person who could ever hope to save the universe....and yet he has no idea how to do it Stage 3: meet enlightened rick. You're thinking, "oh, so THIS is the side of rick that actually COULD save the universe if he wanted because he IS confident enough in his abilities, right?" well the answer is no. this rick doesnt have a flipping clue either. how would he? there is no possible way to save every single multiverse, but unlike tr, instead of letting it consume him in misdirected guilt and insecurity, he instead has (healthily) let it go. Hence the name, he is now 'enlightened' from the worlds problems because he has thoroughly let go of his human need to be the hero and instead surpassed it all in the 'i need not meddle' mentality. BUT. you might ask, "well renaaaatttaaa then why isnt this rick super healthy? why isnt he perfect? why does he seem so interested in getting his other half back?" welll my little reader I have some thoughts. Thought 1) er has no humanity, attachment, purpose, selfworth, or cosmic opinion in himself, the human race, or the universe. why? because he has officially decided that its all pointless anyway and most importantly (big dividing factor here) he is OK WITH THAT. he has accepted the fact that he has surpassed human attachment because he has accessed infinite realities and multiverses to the point where nothing he thought had meaning does anymore. To become fully enlightened, he has let go all of his family, emotions, and self doubts because frankly, he just doesnt give a damn. But in a healthy way? Hes just let it all go, unlike tr who insists he 'doesnt give a fuck' when in fact, he does give millions and trillions of fucks and it eats him alive with each passing day. thoughts 2) so why does er work to get the phone to connect and work at getting his other half back? well he says it right there in the episode when he and confident morty are sitting in the parking lot at school. He says "im accountable to my toxins, right?" he wants to rejoin because he knows that tr has all his intelligence, all his power, and all his guilt wrapped up into a big toxic package. What does this mean? Hes FUCKING DANGEROUS. thats what it means. er is so enlightened, that he knows letting tr do his worst will mean the end of the world. now, for a little while in the episode, he tries to reason with himself and say that he shouldnt meddle in this either, because why is tr any better or worse than he is? but eventually he realizes the truth that tr left unchecked, is bad news for everyone and not worth lying idly back to watch the universe(s) burn. Because yeah...they would all burn Stage 4: now lets watch these two adorable little super humans interact. tr sums it up perfectly when he says "this is the part of your pussy grandpa that keeps it real".....yup. Thats pretty much the whole concept. If youve been paying attention, youve probably already figured out that er isnt exactly as healthy as he thinks he is. The truh of the matter is just sitting back with your thub up your ass like "oh theres no hope in solving ALL the probems, so let me just not interfere at all" is a pretty effed up way to think. Without tr, he probably wouldnt do anything but stay at home with his family and like, build toys electric toys for kids or something. He wouldnt DO anything extraordinary for fear of messing up the fragile stuff of the universe. Tr reminds him what a waste it would be to live a normal life and ignore their vast power. however, tr doesnt know how to use it either, so hence, the fighting breaks out. basically, they just have no idea how to use there god-like intelligence, and it gets ugly for both. even er says 'that stuff is a part of us and we need to put it back.' he knows that in sense he needs it, otherwise his power will be wasted buuuttt.......tr doesnt feel the same way. tr believes that without er, he could possibly become a real man. a real human. a real person who maybe actually cared about things and didnt feel so 'above' everything and so detatched. like a god among people who couldnt really connect with anyone. he doesnt want to go back to that lonely life of being the only one in his realm. this is why he keeps trying to destroy him while er just wants to recombine. Honestly, er is in the right here, (obviously) because he can see the big picture of how they need each other. Also, fun snidbit, tr is clearly the fighter of the two....clearly....and the sexy maker too apparently.....hehe....good to know good to know.....ahem.....anywaaayyyyy but.....looky here.... here I bring you.... Stage 5:tr doesnt give a shit. he doesnt give a fuck, he doesnt give a....oh,....Beth's here?..... he....leaves. immediately. so, here is where we see tr's true weakness, and what er truly hates about himself. He can't even bring himself to be around Beth or put her in any sort of harms way, so he leaves the very second she walks in the door. what does this mean? it is tr, er, and our rick's one true weakness. Truth is, he really cant be fully enlightened and reach his maximum potential, because of his human attachment to his family. Tr probably feels so guilty about leaving Beth (even though it was probably his idea because he was terrified of hurting her) that he cant even stand to look at her. he leaves immediately even though he was technically winning. plain as day, he admits his own true weakness, he just cares too much about his family to ever become truly godlike and reach his full enlightened potential. tr is human, er is the god. but er can see enough of himself to acknowledge that he needs his human self to be a fully functional human being. to truly be...rick. Stage 6 (almost done) and here it is....the moment er truly finally actually comes to terms with the fact that his 'version' of 'health' was actually just what he thought was his true potential. But alas, because the machine choses your version of health based on what YOU think is healthy, this is the issue he realizes. he didnt become healthy, he became his full potential, minus the pain and limits of human emotion. but the truth is, a full, enlightened, god-like potential is kinda useless without compassion and empathy...isnt it? I mean, if you have the power to save, but you just dont care....then whats the point? He realizes that essentially a god that does nothing is no god at all, and even if tr is a toxic, guilty, confused, miserable man too overwhelmed by his own potential to actually fufill it, he will accomplish more than er ever will just because of that energetic will to survive and just flipping DO SOMETHING. he literally realizes in this one moment that he would probably never accomplish anything like this, not without that crazy, overwhelming, miserably human passion that tr harbors in his soul for his shitty life and shitty decisions. and this is when he knows that they have to reunite, just for the sake of not wasting his life. Stage 7: (my personal favorite) ah yes.....the climax of the story. where it all becomes clear. something I havent touched on yet (which i bet you thought i forgot about....you lil scamp) is why tr is trying to make the whole world toxic. Why? simple. he has mistaken his toxic qualities for his humaness. (which in a way is true, but he also got a bunch of bad shit that er probably spends most of his energy keeping on the down low) and so in tr's mind, he isn't 'toxifying' the world, he releasing people's true emotions and true selves. he releasing the raw humanness inside them so they dont have to deal with their superegos always judging them and telling them how to live. he is the id, in a way, freeing all the other id's from their superegos so the world can be a genuine, purely human world. However, obviously, without superego the people are monsters, hence the carnage of the toxified people. to him, this is his way of saving the human world by bringing out their true human nature. unfortunately true human nature is primal and disgusting, but shh.....dont tell him that.....poor innocent bean....look how proud he is.... so proud..... ahem....anyway back to the climax. so now er shows up again and starts talking, lets analyyyyze. first off, er has learned something very important.....its tr's one weakness that he displayed when best walked in, hes afraid of losing/hurting his family. So of course, he targets toxic morty. and er knows this because he doesnt care about morty WHY WOULD HE? there are millions and trillions of mortys. it is beneath his highly superior brain to care, but tr sees the little picture, and in the moment, he needs morty to support him. He needs to latch onto him. he needs the human comfort. he doesnt want to admit that, but he needs it more than anything else in his life. in fact, he needs it so much, he doesnt even think er has the balls to do it, because he thinks he needs it too....but thats just it....he doesnt. and he knows he doesnt need that human connection, which is why he knows he needs his other half back to need it for him and here we have the moment that literally made tears come..... "irrational attachments"......that line just really hurt me bro.....it hurt me good.....it got me right in the soul....yikes. too real. *sniffle* anyway, back to er's rant. he basically sums it up by saying "you are literally incapable of seeing the bigger picture" hence tr's irrational love and dependency for his family, even though er and tr both know there are infinite sanchez families with infinite different fates that they have no way in saving or interfering in any way, tr still for some reason feels emotion towards a morty that really isnt even THE REAL morty. but think about this....its the most insecure morty, right? the one that is the most insecure, helpless morty of them all....its the one that needs him the most. the one that is least likely to ever leave him....*more sniffles* so of course he cares about him. I mean....we've seen what morty is like without him.... i think rick put it best when he called him 'a tiny american psycho'.....which I mean, he would be, right? hes related to rick afterall. with just enough jerry to keep him insecure. at least jerry was good for one thing. and soooo....thats the wayyyyy the news goes. At the very end we see a reunited rick. he even says 'master of both worlds'...meaning he is once again human and god. id and superego, making one highly functioning ego. the rick we know and love. a beautiful mess. so the meaning my friends.....you really shouldnt hate the bad pats of yourself, because at the end of the day, its kind of what makes you....human. wow....this got really freaking long, and I didnt even get into my whole theory about our morty being evil eyepatch morty. (remember in evil eyepatch morty episode where rick says "a confident morty is bad news, ill tell you when youre older".....well I think we know what that means now) yikes....and i thought rick was a handful when he was cocky. so there you have it. Our bread and butter, our saint and sinner, our sexy grandpa and teenage rocker.....our super genius space alcoholic. our rick sanchez. a beautiful chaotic mess.  wubba lubba dub dub bitches.

[unproduciblesmackdown]

s2g that moss has even been foreshadowing that lars was gonna get briefly killed like…not that specific but since we’re shown that the moss is lars and the flowers have a bit of gem in them…………

ppl are always weird about stuff everywhere smh but like…theres been obviously weird things like being way more ok with ancient beings ready to destroy all life on the planet than lars being too ill-tempered or doing something selfish like…i see that…. like lars doesnt need to be redeemed for anything jeez. every episode where he does something crap its on a minor scale vs like endangering lives or something and he gets k.o’d for it and then makes some sincere form of apology like? theres your redemption…i guess maybe people expect him to become acceptable overnight maybe but thats how people work and then every episode is like The Lesson of the Week instead of a closer look at a character and another step in their development as people figuring themselves out

like literally every character has issues smh! in like this and everything also but like….honestly lars has been a super self conscious and anxious teen from the start and really unhappy and like sometimes he does dumbass shit but who hasnt. if you think youve never hurt people you havent been paying close enough attention

anyways one of the things i really dont like? despite general overall stuff like teenaged lars momentarily losing his patience and realizing he’s in the wrong and immediately trying to make amends = him being judged more harshly than like….every millenia-old actually murderous actual antagonist introduced…. is that overall? its like really really clear really early on that he’s always struggling with a lot of mental health issues, and a common theme is irl people who really do have disorders pointing this out. like, that point can be made for every character in su and lars isnt The Mentally Ill One who alone represents the whole of the universal mental illness experience because obviously that doesnt exist and its a very unique and personal experience, and people dont have to directly relate to lars or any other character with such problems to verify their own. but lars and the cool kids is like super upfront about anxiety and he obv has really low confidence and low self worth and i’ll fight anytime about island adventure hinting strongly at depression—in addition to having him state outright that he feels lonely and isolated all the time. and like, he hates the job he works all the time, he’s not good in school, he and sadie feel an early connection but they obviously had to do a lot of work on that and step on each other’s emotional fingers along the way to finally get to where they are now—which i’m guessing is dating but without acknowledging so or at least not to others, he isn’t very close to his parents currently, he starts the series with 1.5 friends maximum and cant even approach the cool kids besides being desperate to be friends with them

like clearly he’s unhappy and for a while sadie and steven are probably the people closest to him even tho he is a lot more annoyed by steven at the start of things when steven is more little-kiddish than he is now…..but lars still acts mostly like himself around them But at the start him and sadie have too many complications and uncertainties to be really comfortable and again steven doesnt really come across as very mature, with lars pointing it out just now how stevens changed in that way, and it being difficult anyways for lars to confide in anybody

so like lars is and has always been super super defined and restricted by his fear of everybody he encounters, specifically being afraid of being hurt by them / fear of being disliked. i like to say that i think the way he prevents himself / his image is meant to be a way of controlling the reactions he expects people to have: i.e. making people dislike him is less scary/painful than being judged badly while hoping for the opposite. but i also never like saying that anyone who consciously cultivates their Look is faker than someone who doesnt put any thought into it, or is lying to themselves or others or whatever, i just would bet thats a part of it. but moreso than that, the fact that he’s irritable and ill-tempered all the time fits really well as a result of being so unhappy and afraid and trying to deal with it solo. it’s not about him not caring about people, when on an unrelated note but related-to-the-universal-human-experience he does something thoughtless or mean or just generally crosses a line, he notices immediately when someone feels hurt, and he’s shown to immediately feel bad, arguably to a fault and going too far with how guilty he feels. but anyways clearly even though he has the capacity to hurt people’s feelings, he’s very sensitive to that, he cares deeply when it happens, and he doesn’t want to hurt people. like apologizing with any genuine depth to it right off is an incredibly difficult task even for grownass adults, and lars is already really good at it. its wild that people think of him as super cruel and selfish when it’s clear that he’s very emotionally vulnerable and doesn’t have the capacity to callously disregard other people’s hurt feelings

anyways a point i’m taking a really long time to come around to is that lars is a really good example of someone who’s young and unhappy and isolated and really struggling with a lot of things and afraid of everything and the fact is that usually when youre looking for characters who are struggling with this kind of shit you get one-dimensional, maybe even one-episode characters like the person who shows up for the very special episode where everyone has a serious talk and learns a serious lesson and the Depression Character never shows up again, having gone off to be depressed somewhere else since we already know about depressed people. or depression and anxiety is something that can be solved literally overnight if you just confront the root cause, like eliminating the life problem that made x depressed or giving y a makeover or throwing them a surprise party to show them they have friends or something. or you learn that joe the bully is actually just physically violent because he is insecure, whoa man. or the Sad Kid is a running joke and a periphery character and their parents are getting divorced etc etc etc etc

the point is that lars is a main character and even when he learns things about himself that put him in a better place than when the episode began, his issues still don’t vanish (and i wouldnt be surprised if people use that as evidence that his character doesnt “grow”). and dealing with / revealing some of his issues arent a special episode, its just an episode, and its about him. he’s developed over and over and he’s shown to be a complicated person. he’s shown to enjoy things and have interests and a life. he’s a regular character as much as anyone else is, he isnt set aside in a special category

but the thing is that maybe people expect Mentally Ill™ characters to be more of the hamfisted media clichés with zero nuance and about as much accuracy to them? because there’s always the sweet-and-soft kind of person who’s surely dealing with mental illness acceptably because they make up for it by being pure and noble and something approximately like a newborn lamb. like depression is being maybe a bit cagey and avoidant and crying a lot and writing poetry (which will later be revealed as their secret talent!!) and sighing and generally just waiting for someone to approach them, very gently because they are shy and nervous like a fawn, and that savior will cure them with love and also with showing them how beautiful life is!!! and then they will start wearing more colorful clothes and they will be happy and the depression is over now, because someone just had to show their delicate, beautifully wounded soul the light

trauma? you can tell someone has Trauma because they act very stoic and strong 1000% of the time no exceptions but it is just a façade. they will never talk about The Thing. they will finally talk about the thing because someone pries about it with pure intentions and it is a big dramafest and theyve never talked about this before and everyone cries and its super serious and heavy and the person is a bit softer after that because they could finally let it out that one time. thanks, another savior. having disorders is just having turned away from the light

the point is that irl obviously things are very different and its rare to see people with such issues being treated the same as any other character and being able to grow in a realistic way and being able to have flaws the way that everyone else does, not having to be a pure defenseless dewy-eyed baby kitten who someone strong and Normal needs to rescue and put on the right path away from these problems forever. being pissed off and frustrated and confused but trying a lot of different ways to figure things out anyways is a lot more common, the way lars reacts to and deals with his vulnerability is a lot more realistic than just being a fairy-tale in-distress type figure. his character feels a million times more like he was developed by people who understand what its like to be experiencing what he does and developed for people who can relate to him, rather than being made by and for people who cant directly relate and who tend to make content thats wholly inaccurate and treats that kind of thing like an Other issue for Others that you only need to learn bullet points about because if its going to be a part of your life it’ll be a fleeting, one-time thing, not your everyday reality

i mean, its unsurprising that lars is actually pretty comfortable with steven now, given how long theyve known each other, but also how relentless steven is in being supportive of lars and treating him like a friend. its not surprising that it took lars this long to accept that, or that it was in part forced along by being stuck in a “we might die” scenario with steven. and its important to point out that this wasn’t just lars changing that made their relationship better, but steven growing as a person as well. if you put both if them in that situation during the start of the series, they could probably get along better than usual still, but you cant say that this is the first sign of lars developing any more than you can say this is stevens first development. lars has been struggling with himself just as steven has, although not in a fate-of-the-world way till now. lars couldnt be so conscious of his own fear and frustrated with it, and steven wouldnt have the maturity to do stuff like freakin sacrifice himself for earth by separating himself from the other crystal gems, much less lend lars the emotional support needed to give lars enough confidence to protect the off-colors

lars has been developing the whole time and even if people look at individual episodes and think lars learns nothing during them, i cant see how anyone could deny that this isn’t a turning point for lars as much as its the culmination of a gradual path he’s already been on. not to mention that “turning point” has implications like “redemption arc,” as if lars was inherently bad or worthless at the start of the series. he wasn’t; none of the characters were, but each character and all of their relationships were least developed of course. we see details and different sides of the donuts right away, and they both care enough about steven to treat him more as a little brother than a customer and to humor him sometimes. theyve always been important, and the fact that lars has always been a main character in the set of protagonists and that steven has always been a friend means that he cannot be converted by a “redemption” arc. he’s already there smh he’s always been there. seriously name one episode where he’s done something shitty and didnt do anything to make up for it. the only thing unresolved rn is he couldnt fight topaz for sadie, and he said himself he felt guilty over it, and it was already at that point the boldest thing he’d done and like, its not that unreasonable for a wisp of a teen to be terrified by a giant gem warrior that he had zero chance of doing anything to anyways. it wasnt glistening heroics but if thats gonna condemn lars like throw me in the pit too i guess. then he went and died for twelve individuals and left himself defenseless in hostile unfamiliar territory so that steven can go back to earth so thats something. but before all this alien drama like, again…..he’s always directly apologizing for shit and he’s just making everyday kinds of fuckups. he beats himself up about stuff. and gets beat up. and really like doesnt ever require an apology when he’s the one to get hurt, which isnt a requirement by any means and which is probably part of him thinking too badly of himself

the point? that maybe i still havent made besides saying i was gonna make it like half a dozen times?? is that lars is a really real portrayal of a person dealing with things in a real way. and its not the “pain is transcendent” thing where if someone is Suffering from mental illness it makes them wiser and kinder and holier than us regular people. its not where all you need to help someone with mental illness is one incidence of reaching out and telling them you love them and look at the stars and isnt it lovely. its not where disorders themselves are an arc and at the end, people’s personalities will be indistinguishable from that of those who never experienced what they did. its where dealing with this shit is normal and human and everyday and its not beautiful and its not gonna make other people “inspired” or get to feel good about themselves as your savior. its about pushing people away or having them avoid you anyways because they can hurt you in ways they can’t understand as being hurtful and shits confusing and sometimes kids will lash out and i bet lars was a lot more Difficult closer to stevens age than he is now. its about characteristics that seem ugly or repulsive or otherwise don’t directly cry out for help. its about shit staying with you even while you’re trying to figure out how to work through it. its about the unpleasantness of it all but also the real humanity behind it, not just using it as some device. lars’s problems are about lars and belong to him

and yeah of course he hurts people, but literally all the characters do; it has nothing to do with having disorders or not. everyone hurts each other even though they love each other, sometimes with the best intentions or 0% knowingly because they just have to figure out more things about themselves and each other. everything is about people making mistakes. lars is no worse in that matter than any of the other characters, he just happens to have a less appealing/inviting personality, god forbid less relatable. in the recent episodes he didnt have his usual defensive abrasiveness, even his frustration with steven in “stuck together” wasn’t that significant, and wasnt even much directed at steven. after that he was just scared, without it being masked by anger. he could be brave for the other gems because he knew he wanted to be brave and he knew how it felt for them to be so afraid and he was finally told that it was an okay thing that he still felt terrified. he could be completely himself with steven because of all the ways steven has gotten to know lars and refused to stop valuing him and how steven has grown to be someone who could protect others on his own in serious situations—which in this case included supporting lars emotionally as well as protecting him physically. if lars was dropped in that situation with the kid who just learned to summon his shield and was having an ice cream crisis five minutes ago, he couldnt trust or rely on him or count on him for encouraging advice. the way lars is in the wanted arc being so different from earlier episodes is as much about stevens development as lars’s really

like the real lars is and always has been deeply sensitive to peoples feelings (to the point he feels extremely vulnerable to them e.g. afraid of being hurt by being regarded negatively) and he’s always cared about the people he feels close to and he’s always been capable of moments of bravery for the sake of others and he likes wrestling and he’s good at cooking and he’s a dumbass sometimes and he watches scary movies and plays video games and sucks at school and is grumpy and is passionate and is scared and is a huge nerd with nerd parents and he never got over feeling hurt by the explorer club incident and he doesnt like fries and he and his coworker like each other and relate to each other and he sees steven as his annoying little brother and he doesnt know what he wants and also he’s a bi icon, it must be exhausting

lars has always been good and complex and i might be willing to forgive my slight disappointment in people realizing he’s good only now if and only if they go back and acknowledge that he’s been good this whole time. like obviously he doesn’t have to be your Fave or even “liked” to just be not hated or to be recognized as a complex, solid character. lars is so, so developed, probably more than any other human. he’s always been important, even before his importance had direct cosmic significance. he’s always shown signs of being thoughtful and caring and soft, and the fact that he’s hurt people he cares about and who care about him isnt evidence that he’s bad, not only because of the fact that literally all the Good characters hurt each other, but because irl hurting people you love isnt even necessarily evidence of a failure, its just an inevitability, and what happens following the event is whats a lot more telling than the fact any negative emotions were ever a part of a good relationship

anyways what’s definitely true is that lars didnt need to die. it wasnt a necessary atonement for anything lars has ever done. he didnt and doesnt need to be redeemed. he just was willing to risk his life for gems in a situation he could immediately relate to, and that risk happened to win out momentarily. besides, what lars was overcoming in that situation was his own fear, it wasnt anything that caused the stuff in the past that people seem to think so badly of him for. he was also protecting steven, sure, but steven was pretty much fine by the end of it coz of his shield. but he also hadnt ever really Not protected steven or anything so he didnt really need to make up for that or whatever

also one more thing ive always meant to bring up is that lars doesnt think much of himself and is prone to being too hard on himself but i know there are probably plenty of people who believe him when he says he needs to “deserve” being alive again. nah!!!! lars always deserved it