#having an extremely normal one. yeah
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normal therapy isn't enough i need to talk to hannibal lecter
#having an extremely normal one. yeah#god i feel like shit for real#the fucking symptoms#<funny how i only vent in silly little jokes#<for my wellbeing and yours#i'm just :/ yknow#by :/ i mean i'm having a m*ntal h*alth cr*sis#its ok :]#<but it isnt#<but for the sake of others it is :]]]]]]]]]]
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just had the thought 'in the end the most important thing varric taught rook was how to make a home for, with, and in other people' and then I had to go lie down on the floor and clutch at my head in unceasing agony for a few hours, as you may well imagine. hawke and the kirkwall crew........ in the end you kind of saved the world a bit in the most characteristically indirect and chaotic of ways. not by anything in particular that you did or achieved or accomplished (lmao imagine!), but just by -- having existed, and by the love that was always there, despite it all, in all its imperfections, even when no one was saved by it in the end. you're not here right now and you're not quite haunting the narrative but I hear your voices bickering and arguing and laughing from the other room. (and so, I think, does varric. all the time.)
'did you think you mattered, hawke? did you think anything you ever did mattered?' yeah actually, varric says with da2 and keeps saying through the series. you were here. and I loved you. and as it turns out that mattered more than almost anything in the world, no matter how long it lasted or how fucked up it was at the time or what else happens, because varric manages to pass that feeling, that intangible... home, that echo of you all as you were together, that love, hopefully the best parts of it, on to someone else for them to bring with them on their journey, with their family. and maybe the world will be kinder this time. you never know. merrill's line of 'Everything affects everything. We were born, a bunch of things happened, and now we're in a mess with our friends.' varric's greatest fear of becoming his parents. even through the wreck and the ruin of the world, ghosts upon ghosts upon ghosts of love -- malcolm hawke, who we never even see, but his life touched hawke's and hawke's touched varric's and varric's touched rook's and rook is passing it on to the family they're creating. the unbroken legacy of love shines through in ways that are stronger and stranger than any magic. help
#I woke up. I opened my eyes. this insight hit me over the head like the fist of god. what the fuck. what the FUCK#dragon age#dragon age: the veilguard#dragon age: the veilguard spoilers#dragon age spoilers#hawke#varric tethras#dragon age 2#dragon age meta#let me live please I've barely reached consciousness I can't deal with this#the kirkwall gang.#what if they were secretly the most important people who ever existed. just because they existed. and for the love that was there#yeah you know what? that's not the worst legacy in the world is it.#da:tv really is da2 2 in some key ways. to me. one of the most da2 lovers or all time#also extremely da2 and also varric core for varric to adopt a kid (as a full adult) completely alone with hawke possibly dead#and STILL somehow manage to make it a varrichawke lovechild on some level. not romantic not platonic but something even more insane#every day varric is unbearably intimate with hawke through the narrative in ways he simply Cannot be with anyone in real life#(in ways you perhaps Should not be in real life. also. lol)#he keeps moving on no matter what b/c that's what you do. but I think varric's real home isn't even kirkwall or a place at all#it's a time. and that time is da2. or at least the story of da2 that he tells himself.#also also what about them themes around parenthood huh. I think varric in the end at least did not become his parents. thank god#trauma gets passed down. but so do other things and you have choices about what you want to leave behind#for those who come after you.#*tears streaming down my face* guess I have to go make breakfast and pretend everything is normal then. sick and twisted
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so with echoes of wisdom .. i havent watched any of the trailers beyond the very first one and the thumbnails/screenshots and what others have said about it-
but with the world inside the rift being called "Welt des Nichts" aka "world of nothing/void" in german ('still' in english, for some reason) and demises title in french being "avatar of nothing" ... yeah my anxiety is shooting through the roof again
(hopefully you can be a little more forgiving for me being anxious/weird about it bc demise is my blorbo)
i had similar worries with totk, that werent proven true thankfully, but the darn book is making it all worse again with all those weird lore things the game doesnt even so much as hint at AND potential retcons- im in for a really rough time huh, not just stress in real life (more in tags.. its alot) but now about my specific hyperfixation from two things even (AND artblock still..)
weird as it may sound, i dont want demise to get more lore, partly bc i dont believe theyd do anything with him that i would like (given their track record) but much more importantly- the fact that he has this little lore about him is precisely one of the reasons why i fell in love with him, i tend to like characters that are neglected by the narrative, and his story being both so flat and already done meant i can be very creative with what i come up with for him without necessarily contradicting anything in canon (which is ... or was a big point of how i wrote destiny's story and lore, working with canon in a way that reframes it all without straight up ignoring it ... but i suppose i urgently need to let go of that and accept i spend alot of time working things that will go to waste :( ) AND not having to worry that there will be more stuff with him that would massively change not only what im writing but also potentially how i feel about him since the game he was briefly in was the oldest chronologically and ended with his death- i didnt expect them to mess with anything that far back and thought theyd just go forward and leave the timeline behind and wouldnt mess with it again, given how botw seemed to be a sort of 'fresh start' that seemingly regarded the past as the past that needs to rest and that the timeline was finally no longer a discussion if everythings unified through botw and one thing going forward
but i suppose i was very wrong with that .__.
right now the only thing that motivates me still is the left over determination and spite to work on my zelda comic, since i have never gotten this far and really want to get something done for once, but i cant lie that im feeling like i should pause all work on it too to wait and see waht the book and the new game will do .. either to determine if i still have the will to keep working on it after those things are out (my love for tloz has been taking alot of hits lately ..) or if i have to change stuff (mostly bc of my lore problem trying to not ignore it ..)
#ganondoodles talks#zelda#ganondoodles rants#sorta#suicide attempt mention in the IRL stuff im talking about in the following tags btw#theres some construction stuff on our house going on#and my father is extremely stressed about it#he used to be very explosive- being silent and then exploding out of nowhere .. probably left me with lasting damage yippie-#but now he much more lets it eat at himself bc hes old and feels bad for the past stuff so now it makes him irritated and depressed#my older brother is the most normal cis straight guy you can imagine and incredibly impatient and bossy (you CANNOT talk with him)#(brother doesnt live in our house)#and while hes helping out hes doing it exactly how my father doesnt like and since you cant talk to the guy (explosive +200) it stresses hi#to the point of my father yesterday saying that “it would have been better if i had just died back in the day”#likely referring to the time when he was drafted for the military against his will and tried to kill himself#which i learned only like .. a year ago- theres so little my parents tell me ....#its like my mother telling me- while my father was in hospital for heart surgery- that she not only almost died back when i was a young tee#and only survived bc of some incredibly unebelievable lucky coincidences (medics on a travel being there that knew what she had-#-while our local doctors said welp- nothing we can do lady AND them beign there with a helicopter and emergency transferring her#to antoher bigger hospital while giving her immediate treatment our local one didnt do- AND at the big one just so happened to have-#-an expert on that illness in the facility when she arrived who was able to narrrowly save her life#BUT ALSO while she was recovering and weak and frail as a dust bunny witnessing someone stealing hospital surplies-#not noticing she was in the room at first (which .. the nurses left her in the nurse room while going on break ... which uhm .. yeah cool)#and if my mother hadnt acted in time like she was fully asleep and the lady stealing stuff beign in hurry- she might have killed her#without my mother being able to fight back bc she could barely even talk (the nurses didnt want to believe her when they got back either)#ANYWAY that comment from my father brough me to tears#and my mom is trying out more ... other medication shes not prescribed in hopes of it helping agaisnt her many pains#but i worry it will interact with the other stuff shes on ...#and i worry so much about both of their mental and physical well being#always trying to be the one to calm them down or help with communication bc that is a big problem in this houesehold#but i myself am also a very much not normal and not medicated shut in who has trouble dealing even with my own feelings
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forever hilarious to me that tennis is promoted as this prestigious highbrow big-brain sport when most tennis fans these days are like. yeah this is my favorite player. yeah i don't know why they're like that. yes they are stupid. no i will not choose somebody else.
#wta tennis#atp tennis#i feel like the era of...shall we say 'federer-esque' players is waning#which i think can in part be related to the loss of the one-handed-backhand#as the sport moves more toward a necessity for fitness and athleticism players do not put as much emphasis on 'art'#which imo is fine! i think the 'art' of tennis is too protected in some ways. which i maybe will expand on later.#but i think it's too much for the tags of a (mostly) silly post#but yeah you can hear a lot of commentators touch on it#i know nadal even said something abt it recently(ish)#but i think as tennis is gradually less associated with this abstract 'image' (e.g. the obsession with federer's 'grace' and 'class')#players are coming in thinking 'this is a physical battle and i am going to win' and very much leaning into the *competition*#which not to say that they're ignoring/denying the mental aspects at all because i actually do think many players are very strategic/aware#and in truth i think many tennis players ARE actually very smart#but i also think it's less apparent because more and more players are able to just hit the shit out of the ball and call it a day#which leaves you with the occasional shot/point/game/set/match etc where it seems like they don't know what the fuck they're doing#but you think about most sports which evolve in phases#it's very normal for certain player profiles to become more or less popular as the landscape of the sport changes#or as new techniques/strategies are developed#or as new communities/populations become interested!#extreme example but think of like. high jump's fosbury flop. that was one guy!#one guy who changed the entire fucking sport! so it makes perfect sense that tennis is continuing to evolve#given how many unique players have come and gone#and how much the sport is changing externally as well as internally#anyways. this got out of hand but i love sports and i love tennis and i love my brainless players.#this whole post was inspired by rewatching sabalenka v boulter and aryna completely missed an overhead by like five feet. lol#love her <3
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do i even need to caption these anymore you already know the drill
#i dont even want to count the amount of times ive drawn them atp its actually concerning#im very normal about them (extremely obvious lie)#duck scribbles#doodles#midoyuzu#yuzumido#midori takamine#yuzuru fushimi#enstars#ensemble stars#was going to make a 2nd related comic but from yuzurus pov but i ran out of time :'] maybe once im home from the con tmrw#just like to think abt mido probably only approaching him for his art and starting to pay more attention to the person himself after a while#obsessed w them labeled as ''perplexed by'' and ''big fan (+master artist) on each others relationship charts skjdjkgsdhkgdsgh#but like yuzuru said in jingle bells he is a little happy to have one of his juniors that attached to him its so. augh#its nice to see him go from gently turning him down or dodging his requests to humoring him instead and enjoying himself#hell yeah!! go have fun u two#they mean the entire world to me !!!!!#minicomic tag
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The passage of time was sooo normal and kind to me this year guys qwq
#happy 2025#art summary#artists on tumblr#two of these are commisions and two are from artfight#I could not manage drawing alongside work and everything else that went awry this year qwq#yeah I made the scylla part three months ago and only manage to post anything about it now I#am so bad at this#I usually don't do new years resolutions but for this one I genuinely want to get better at promoting myself#especially since I'm out of work again#laid off like a true animator/gamer....#oh and that october mizi one is just an unfinished sketch I guess january akane having a bad time is also unfinished#never could manage to get it anywhere despite wanting to on account of the hair coming out reeeeally nice#I'm extremely proud of all my bigger pieces this year though#june and july ones hehe juri june and july#I never answered anyone on artfight and I feel so bad about it :'( participating on that was like#one of the last things I remember doing before time started passing normally again this year or well feeling better at least#and well as bad as it ended my time working was really great only routine that stuck around the whole year#and going out with my then coworkers felt really fancy and fun#I was able to save up a lot and want to use that to focus on personal projects this next year#......which is partly the reason I Need to study and practice getting better at promoing
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Of all the unhinged Supreme Court decisions that one sure was a doozy
#this is the branch of government that decided dred scott so yknow. that’s saying something.#reading the decision like 😬😬😰#like forget trump i never expected him to face real consequences anyway#but i’d cheerfully trade a blanket pardon for a verdict that says YEAH OFC PRESIDENTS CAN ACT ILLEGALLY AND FACE LEGAL CONSEQUENCES FOR IT#usa continues having an extremely normal one#my posts
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Hey I feel like you should be alerted to the fact that I LOVE Reeya she is one of those fan characters (and I gather she has versions of her for other settings besides MOTHER, too?) who pops into my mind every so often based on her design. Also the latest drawing of her Mook form you posted reminds me of that Robbie Rotten “Would you like to?” clip
THANK YOU I'm glad she makes such an impression!!! she does have a lot of versions on account of I love her so I shove her into things I like sometimes, including: canon mother (mother 3 specifically), pmd and dnd!!
#risk.png#asks#ocs#ALSO YEAH. YEAH SHE WOULD SAY THAT SHE WOULD LOVE ROBBIE ROTTEN#aufae!reeya was more of a design exercise (aka I haven't played her (yet! want to in at least a oneshot asp))#I Have played her in a whole campaign before and that reeya makes me so extremely normal#BUT I'm refraining for saying too much for now cus we're trying to make that campaign into a webcomic eventually!!#anyways yeah reeya is one of the blorboest blorbos of all time I'm glad other people like her too :3
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i like to think i'm funny
#quadeca#new pfps for just me in specific js dropped#the erm actually n bisexual lil dicky posts are so canonical to me#romeo santos#if anyone can name the two songs these quonka screenshots are from n at least one romeo santos song we should kiss#this is for an extremely niche audience#hivemind tv#oh yeah let me add the detroit guys here too#i am so normal#the adhd v autism is also from a post#n the graydon one may have been made already or i'm js insane#kendrick lamar#him too actually#you guys like the canva watermarks?#riley john savage#graydon weaver#dignan zazoomba#riley savage
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I didn't know it was wigs. I've been thinking alan was bald for ages.
DMNG,DSNGM. plot twist: all of them are bald
#tommy's foolery#but yeah hollowheads are extremely simplistic. they're basically the exact same as alan draws them#that's why chosen and dark typically don't have faces#alan isn't a normal hollowhead in most of the stick aus#the only one that's a 'real' hollowhead is untitled because he was actually drawn by his past self#others are like. something between outernet stick and hollowhead. freaks of nature as i like to call them#but victim doesn't typically hide their simplistic features. they find it makes people nervous though#tommy's stickmen tag#tommy's stick!alan
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(I DIDN'T FORGET A CAPTION... YOU DID!)
He pop'd in my brain and some demon took over my body to draw him n' other sillies from this au. :3
#one day i will design jill as well because she is actually. very important to the lore of this au LMFAOO#i just don't have any designer juice left in my body#resident evil#las plagas au#he is NOT controlled by las plagas it just had a very bad side effect on him because he couldn't remove it as fast as Ashley.#their plaga had a variation of the g-virus in it on the go basically. so it started to affect his wolf n human form#reminder that zombies in this AU are actually Just vampires!#Ashley also has permanent chompers n pointy ears but she doesn't look dead like Vex does#he looks dead because he was put through 2-3 years of testing and experimenting instead of trying to actually...help his side effects#they thought he was a lost cause since he had became so aggressive in his wolf form and had said he could not remember very well what he#was doing while in his wolf form. he also. mauled someone but yknow. normal ppl things#turns out one of the side effects was and IS just extreme hunger aka his metabolism go faaaaasstt and he needs to eat every like 5 mins#yeah he does have kind of regen as well. not As Fast or good as Sherry's but it's defo noticeable that he has regen.#it also leaves a lot of scars#aka its a vampire thing. in mine it's not really blood they're after but it does make them stronger. they're just eternally hungry#anyways Vex has huge beef with Simmons because under his call for him to get experimented on but they don't know until re5 times?#everyone in this au is out for Simmons LMFAOOOA#uh ... um#haheheooo rambled a bit here :3#leon s kennedy#claire redfield#chris redfield#sherry birkin#and a secret fifth person lets see if yall know who that is#my art
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went to milan last week and brought back some italian little guys :D
#and a little birb bc i've never seen a swan plush before so i had to take it home as well 👀#(normal things to buy when abroad hsjks)#alright but manga in italy is so RIDICULOUSLY inexpensive#i mean. yeah they're in italian and i'll have to rely on the power of the mutually understandable latin languages family#but still. wow?? great place. pretty buildings. amazing food. so many people. extreme heat. is that a bookstore? wonder where the manga is.#oh upstairs? oh there's an ENTIRE floor with endless manga?? RARE manga appears to be mainstream here???#IS THAT THE LEGENDARY NON-EXISTENT KAITO KID PHYSICAL MANGA HOLD ON#<- next thing i know i'm out of the store in a daze#checking to see how much it cost bc who on earth checks the price first when it's THE KID MANGA IN THE FLESH (paper?)#and i gasp out loud bc i got THREE volumes - that i frankly never even thought i'd ever see - at a price that here would buy 1 (one)#though interestingly enough i didn't spot a trace of bsd in any of the stores 🤔#also mystery boxes seem to be a thing? of course i had to try my luck as well - first sxf merch in the bag :D#and my melo even though i know next to nothing about the sanrio characters-#but well. in the spirit of jochum i think of them as the honorary internationally-available cousins#last but not least thank you kyotag for the travel tips and tricks! much appreciated. beautiful country. my camera roll is screaming
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I've been picking mostly only the essential flirt options with lucanis in the romance so far (I've personally found the dynamic much more natural and mutual when you do that, more like forming a solid friendship slowly and inevitably becoming something else and less like you keep pushing on him and getting little back b/c he seemingly just gets overwhelmed and goes into freeze instead), and I think rye is a pretty hard person to read at the best of times even though he's been Down Real Bad from pretty early on and their chemistry as people is naturally really good. so the way the almost-kiss plays out in this playthrough feels a lot like it has the added layer of lucanis realizing that no but for sure rook is flirting and not just being kind or a good friend* it IS actually happening it's not just wishful/fearful thinking!!! and then uh. maybe going a bit too hard a bit too fast in all the excitement at that revelation haha
*in lucanis' defense he has seemingly literally never had a friend who wasn't his cousin-brother before, under those circumstances I suppose some confusion is extremely natural if not outright expected lmao
#meanwhile rook is kicking himself for being unprofessional b/c he WAS getting something important from spite there#and also lucanis had like. just woken up was that cool of me. should I have told him. should I have slowed that down???#watcher's duty crashing into watcher's longing blues ensues#dragon age#dragon age: the veilguard#dragon age: the veilguard spoilers#dragon age spoilers#lucanis dellamorte#oc: Ellaryen Ingellvar#rook x lucanis#rookanis#I think I might have done something hilarious and a little wonderful to the lucanis romance#by making a rook who's even slower to romance than he is fhskjfhsa#even here I was straight up like 'oh this is a little early for this don't you think' on rye's behalf (it's not we have to be mid-game)#imagine how he'd fare in some of the other romances you'd just bowl him over. davrin might kill him#(and also they would kill each other for unrelated reasons during it but that's another matter (affectionate I love my lads))#lucanis has been squinting at rook in stolen moments ever since the café scene like '...did I imagine that vibe. surely not right.#i'm pretty sure. but am I. I do know he likes me. but DOES he like like me or is that just what I want it to be. this is very embarrassing#for everyone involved' (it is)#davrin has had both their numbers the entire time tho. and been extremely annoyed but professional about it#he knew from the moment these two chucklefucks showed up in his recruitment mission. and has been an adult about it. mostly#even when they've made it real hard ('so I'm gonna go ahead and assume you're not letting the abomination serial killer run around#just because you're transparently excruciatingly sweet on him. right. RIGHT??')#I have accidentally given lucanis a pattern of falling for people who keep covered neck to toe at all times#but like not to be a metaphor for their emotional intimacy issues or anything haha. imagine.#I'm making my own heart so tender by imagining lucanis struggling to get rye out of his (many-layered) robes during the romance scene#and both of them laughing right from the soul in relief and delight at each other b/c like 'how could I kill a god only to be bested#by nevarran fashion. also how in the maker's name do you get dressed so quickly in the mornings this is intense'#'same way one does anything else lots of practice and a can-do attitude'/'well I'll just have to put in the practice then'#and they just hug for a while. *head in my hands* yeah okay I can be normal. I can be normal about this.
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oops! all wips
#dndads#1st img is morgan . tried to solidify the type of person that would marry glenn & jodie and its like#manic pixie dream girl meets wife under bedsheets. fun loving carefree extremely irresponsible i imagine shes as much a bad mom as glenn is#a bad dad#close family dinner for each day of the week#i imagine its very depressing cool for kids sad for adult/college life meals#i had like a pmv/animatic of tmbg erase to nicks everything but ill never finish it sadge!#comic in the middle i was gonna do like a immediately after the final where willys defeated and schools out for summer norm and scary run#into eachother while theyre walking home#and scary would ask whats wrong and normal would be like#well knowing that the entire world ended because of me has been sort of weighing#on me yeah“ and then scary would go ”normal...do you wish that *was* the reason?“ which would lead normal getting dumbstuck cuz she hits#the nail on the hammer. and then hes incredibly defensive and hes like uh b buh NO !!! MAYBE !!! and scary would share her experience#but itd make normal more resentful cuz hed be like well it all worked out for you in the end with you and your dad and you mom who all love#you. and then scary would get irked and start to call him out but then now that the bottles been uncorked his resentment would start#spilling out.#“you burned my house down! i thought it was *my* family that had the connection with the doodler ! but why- when- ”#and normal would be so frustrated and he couldnt get his words out and hed refuse to look at scary while she looks at him w/ the hardest#look of conflicted sympathy and pain#and all she could say would be stop comparing yourself to me and shed mean that in the most compassionate way possible and norm would just#be like i know#and then the bus would come and scary would have to go but shed look back and then be like “am i still coming over saturday to play#and him busy crying would just give a thumbs up#god now that i write this out maybe i will draw it i have a little bit of time left why not#to me i think scarys someone normal would have the easiest time being mean to#one because of his latent misogyny and this like unconscious superciliousness he holds towards her yet shes the one receiving the#validation he sorely craves and knowing if theres anyone he could talk to and whos understand what hes going through its her so though he#isnt able to be emotionally vulnerable or engage in a deeper level but he does feel comfortable enough to lash out at her#last pic is if nick woke up post doodlerized and found himself on cassandras couch (where the teens placed him) and shes there to greet him
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i still don’t get how on earth i’m supposed to know what to put on my walls
or like really anything related to interior design
i feel like the only answer is to hire an interior designer to figure it out for me
but like that’s never happening
#🤷♀️#it all just seems so fake#i need someone to just make it look good and then i can be like yeah i guess that looks like a normal house interior#and less like an extremely pathetic art gallery#but like i could never have someone professional think deeply about the layout of things in my house#especially when like i need to make a lot of sacrifices to design prettiness for accessibility#i guess now that i think about it it is the same feeling as like filling out a form#so i guess this is an autism thing#autism#audhd#neurodivergent#and since one of the tags mentioned the sacrifices for it#adhd#ok now i’m done
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Genuinely, the mere thought that OPLA may have accidentally confirmed that Crocodile is trans is making me go absolutely apeship (also this being accidentally "revealed" by Luffy's actor saying things he shouldn't say is such a Luffy Thing To Do, it's absolutely amazing)
But I swear to god if I see one more news article or YouTube video titled "OPLA made Crocodile A WOMBYM?!??!?" I am going to nuke this entire planet out of orbit
#THE ENTIRE POINT OF CROCODILE MAYBE BEING TRANS IS THAT HE ISN'T A WOMAN#HOW FUCKING DENSE ARE YOU PEOPLE#I just want to be Extremely Normal about Sir Crocodile why does the fandom have to Be Like This#Moon posting#For the record Crocodile is not the trans masc rep One Piece needs#Like the first trans man in the story being a bastard who borderline attempted genocide is not like. Yeah not the rep we need#He is simply the trans masc rep I personally want#It sparks joy#Like I don't know why but it does. It makes me unreasonably happy and Extremely Normal#(And I'm not even saying that because it'd make dudebros mad and that'd make me feel a lil >:3c)
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