#having a normal one tonight. ok?
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SURVIVAL OF THE FITTEST.
#dio vlr#dio zero escape#zero escape#virtues last reward#zero escape spoilers#vlr spoilers#having a normal one tonight. ok?
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20/10 stars little guy
#me (scrounging undetected autist whose ideal fashion sense is ''if i have to be seen at all: shrouded'') seeing encanto the other month.....#and on top of it all i LOVE slice of life. encanto being so focused on What It's About that there's so much of that + character / dynamic#also part of what i loved abt pixar luca. ppl like ''simple story but not a problem :)'' like YEAH thank god it's Also so slice of lifey#2021 what a year lol. though again i only Just saw encanto....tfw Studio Creative Control backs off a bit more than usual: Joy & Wonders#anyway i knew going in bruno wasn't an antagonist (fine if he was though b/c slay & b/c scapegoats can do whatever they want)#knew i'd love him b/c again Scapegoat shows up & i'm the Amazing Showstopping Totally Unique Never The Same gif on loop#but what a delight even beyond those expectations lol. love again how Focused the movie is on What It's About & Thee Points it makes#the Characters / Dynamics & the Metaphor & the plot stays right with all of that. the focus & importance re: thee scapegoats....#& bruno being disabled like whole layer of Yay Yay Yay spamming. that even when He's Back we're reminded he's not ''normal now'' or w/e#(i.e. presenting that as The Good Ending for the disabled outcast. vs just being embraced as part of the group again & accepted As He Is)#meanwhile was like hmm chat is there queercoding do we think? like is he queer: Yes. but is there coding? hmm#sure isn't cishet coded though. but i was also having the thought like fellas is it gay to [higher tenor tessitura or w/e] lol#made me go ''do i know this voice? ok do i know this name / face / actor? (i have never seen anything ever / bad w/names/faces/voices)''#indeed was like yeah haven't seen this; heard of this; seen it once ages ago no way i remember more than like 0.6 details#then from ''ohh haha I'm A Mammal That Cares....yeah i hear that'' to ''omg CHI-CHI RODRIGUEZ???? ;;0;;'' waaah fantastic revelation lmao#also the way Literal Future Seer ability was externalized to make it more wrangleable for plot is so impressive & fun & excellent#got a lot of [i like this thing i saw a lot] i got to say....guess i can do that w/the sideblog i made for one drawing i made last night#encanto 2021#bruno madrigal#also the way bruno is so Nervous + Hiding / Bold + Big Personality like yes ha ha ha Yes....tamped down as ''too much'' experience#also the [stuttering stumbling muttering mumbling] line: i fr nigh wept upon going back over a moment like what am i hearing here?#& realizing the answer was: it's bruno quietly stuttering a moment during this one line (& then (& then (& then)) i saw you) ;;;mm;;;#hang onnn....the first scapegoat who's driven off being Disabled is so real so ;m; that again they're like so he got Weirder; Okay ;;m;;#that we get jorge thumbs up nobody having an Aside to be like [ugh; this guy] or Anything. augh always have too much to say for 30 tags#fabric drape there sure not accurate but i was like okay if i try to really reference that i'm not getting this done tonight
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ricky. ricky when i catch you ricky. ricky when i catch you ricky. ricky when i catch you ricky. ricky when i catch you ricky.
#um#dont look. ok?#<- joke. hiiii :3#having a normal one tonight . ☝️#zappa guilty gear#crow kuruwaba#guilty gear#robart
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screaming into the void <3
#my best friends boyfriend (who i’ve also been friends with for years) is just. not himself rn#we think it’s a manic episode but we don’t really know but it’s. terrifying lowkey#he thinks he’s genuinely jesus and that he’s conquered time and that he and my bsf are adam and eve#he’s been sending my bsf liek hundreds of texts per day since tuesday but it got really really bad and incoherent yesterday#and i woke up this morning to see multiple texts from gcs he created w me in them#and he keeps being like ‘because it’s 6:20 this is true’ and like ‘i know that at 9 pm everyone is gonna understand’#and he’ll text like 5 times then send a sc of what he just texted like that proves something but it’s all nonsense#i’m just really really concerned cause he really needs help but i don’t know how to ensure that happens cause he’s 19. not a minor#he’s just. not him rn. he’s called my bsf multiple times yesterday when he HATES calling normally#he had his band and his mom over in his apartment yesterday cause my bsf called his mom and h went to his bands show but was visibly not ok#and he saw nothing weird about it even tho he hates having ppl over normally and never without warning#and you can’t get him to see logic because everything you say he just twists around to work for him#to be clear it was not this bad when it started. when it started it seemed like normally maybe slightly out there conclusions he was drawing#but it just got worse and worse like exponential decay and really bad yesterday#he also didn’t sleep at all yesterday night and idk if he slept tonight#i know his mom took his phone at one point but he texted me and gcs w me in it starting at like 6:20 this morning#and my bsf and i and friends are on a trip out of state rn but we’re leaving today and i don’t wanna wake her up until i have to because#this is literally hell for her. but it’s just. scary. i don’t know what to do. i don’t think there’s any good options really for me rn#i want to warn ppl and try to explain he’s Not Him rn so they don’t get concerned but who knows if they’ll understand what i’m trying to say#i know it’s not the end of the world but it really feels like the end of my world as i know it if that makes sense#and my bsf lives with him in an apartment near their college and they just signed the lease for the next year#but she can’t stay there with him alone. not until he gets help. we’re all too scared it’s going in the directon where he thinks it’s better#for ppl to go to the afterlife. which like he never would normally. but he’s Not Him and so like. who knows#he keeps talking about all these different dimensions and how you need to travel to the 7th dimension to understand#my bsf was crying yesterday and she called her mom to explain and she keeps saying that she just wants her jake back it’s really scary#cause he will probably never be the same again. he’ll be similar but different but she wants his comfort but he’s Not Him. and can’t give it#i just. really want this to get better but it’s so hard to see that happening rn
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Luke @ The 5SOS Show Tour Philadelphia - 19 August 2023
#because every night i have to be weird about one specific picture and tonight it's this one do u like my selection#5sos#5 seconds of summer#luke hemmings#luke#the 5sos show tour philadelphia#kh4f post#i just think that Luke Hemmings smothering his face into the microphone while tenderly gripping the stand#with a burgundy shirt unbuttoned to expose his chest hair and the sleeves loosened to expose the bracelets on his wrists#that as i previously mentioned i feel normal about#is something that can actually be so personal#🤸🏻♀️ ok thanks bye 🤸🏻♀️#🧛🏻♀️#👹#🥸#the 5sos show tour
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There's just something about Wyll's final quest in Act 3 and its parallels, especially if you're romancing him. The way he can immediately be given the mantle "The Heart of the Gate". The way he immediately asks you to remain at his side, the way he says he's proud of Tav, the way he calls them a shining star and a beacon.
A shining star...like sailors used to navigate. A beacon, surely like the founder of a port city. And Tav isn't a founder, but they're becoming the next best thing...a savior, enabled in large part due to the help of the one inside their head.
Just...damn. History doesn't always repeat exactly, but it does echo. It reverberates until it can harmonize with itself.
#don't mind me#bg3#bg3 spoilers#wyll ravengard#bg3 wyll#wyll x tav#tav x wyll#having a completely normal one tonight#anyways uh...he fucked that dragon#ok really I want to chew on this#because I picked up on it immediately and my little bard#trained as she is in storytelling#picked up on it too#and also now has to deal with a lot regarding the emperor
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anyone else have this feeling like you fucked it all up and its all over and you have no excuse because there was so much time to Do The Thing and shit before realizing that ultimately it probably will not matter on the grand scheme of things and that the time will move forward whether you would like it to or not
#apparently I Am Not Having A Normal One Tonight. ok.#*guy who hasnt really done anything voice* maybe im just tired idk#vent#not a reblog
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i haven't shared a good violin brag in a while, so: today in our orchestra rehearsal i was the only person there playing 1st violin, and i missed last week's class so i was sight-reading, but i still low-key nailed it 💅
#(we're doing a movement from one of the brandenburg concertos)#our normal tuesday class was moved bc of the election#so it was today & a lot of people couldn't make it i guess#usually 10-ish people come to the orchestra class on a given night but there were only 5 tonight#i missed karaoke but it's ok bc i have karaoke tomorrow & i'm doing private room karaoke with some folks on sunday#m.txt
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it is unfortunate when i go to prayer and cry my eyes out and the only response i really hear is that i simply have to bear it. like usually i can get my emotions out and once they’re settled i hear a rational solution but it sucks when i don’t get the answer i want. i just have to keep waiting. like normally i hear something that gives me strength but wow apparently i’ve hit a new low
#literally all my problems would be so much easier to deal with if i had friends#and normally i’d be told ‘do this and you’ll probably find friends’#my plan has always been just to wait for someone to find me bc i’m horribly shy and antisocial#even though logically i know that’s a bad way of going about it#my logical rational analytical brain has always been obsessed with finding concrete answers. it’s always been ‘what can *I* do’#so even when i suffer there’s a part of me that says ‘it’s ok once i’m done crying i can work this out and go right back to trying’#i’ve been emotionally dead for years but i’ve always held onto faith like that#tonight i feel like i’ve been brought low. i feel like i’ve finally been told that i might just have to wait after all#which i might think would be comforting bc it absolves me of responsibility#but it’s actually crushing bc it absolves me of power#i feel like i’m finally facing the realization that i’m powerless and pathetic and i’m never going to be able to fix myself#that i can try as hard as i want but i can’t shake off this cross#but i don’t know how long i have to wait for someone to find me#and even if they find me how do i not fumble it#my first instinct is to push people away bc i assume they’re not really interested they’re just trying to be nice#which is usually true#i don’t even know how to sustain casual friendships and im so desperately in need of deep ones#i can’t open up to someone without just breaking apart and making it clear how pathetic i am#one would think i ought to find someone better than myself who can fix me#but on the other hand i think the only time that the good parts of me come out is when im facing someone even worse than me#like i have a tendency to morph into the opposite of the other person in any given situation to maintain healthy balance#so like when surrounded by extroverts which is almost always i become an introvert#it’s rare to meet an introvert but then i become stronger and more extroverted around them. like something in me just loves helping others#even though i can’t help myself#what do i pray for? a fellow pathetic person? or someone with the patience and kindness and life knowledge of a saint?#will either of them really be found just by chance in my life?#and even if i do meet someone. truly i wish they’d also be lonely. i want them to need me#i don’t want to be a pity charity case. like a side project for someone with real friends already
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wow I hate everything abt the world
#this is about everything and nothing in particular. just one of those fucking days#I hate that there’s a fucking genocide and that joe fucking biden is going to lose this fucking election bc he’s fucking aiding and abetting#I hate that republicans are actively voting to make raped children give birth and that Trump is going to be fucking reelected#and that will be fucking national policy#I hate that some (white) bitches like to get up on their high horses abt how sexism isn’t a big problem for white women bc woc have always#had it worse#this is objectively true but it is also ok to acknowledge that white women have also been seen as property for hundreds of years#and have been blamed for being raped and forced to marry their rapists and been institutionalized bc their husbands said so#and have had no economic power and have been reliant on men for literally fucking everything until Extremely recently#YES this is all magnified for woc but it is so performative for white women to write screeds like this#on a fucking goodreads review (hypothetically speaking)#wow! I am angry about everything!!!#normally I can keep it in check but tonight it just one of those nights when I cannot. and here we are#also on a much more micro level! I hate that my dog was bitten by another dog and now is hurt and scared of other dogs!#and we can’t do almost anything to help her!#and I hate that all I wanted for dinner was pizza from my favorite spot in my hometown but that is 800 miles away#and I hate that I would love to be near family again but they live in a red state that is actively trying to overturn the will of its voters#and I hate that my husband wants to move back to his home state which is even redder#and I’d have to leave my job that I love and move to a state with much more existentially terrifying policy#and I love working for the state government but I sure as hell wouldn’t want to work for THAT state’s government#it’s just all bad I’m so pissed
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you good Roisin? (we are shaking hands so hard though)
nota atall😭😭almost done with my final projects though 💖
#i still have 2 ap finals and 1 normal final but its okay. as long as i get the projects done by tonight which i probably will#we r getting through it one day st a time amen 🙏🫶#was late to my first period bc i was printing my citations page in the library 😔its ok tho i think the subs chill
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I LOVE YOU MYSTERIOUS MAN
I LOVEEEE YOUUUU <33333
Big day for Bruno-
Sorry, Zacharias-
Sorry, Mysterious Man fans
(Me)
#feh#fire emblem heroes#fire emblem#feh bruno#bruno feh#feh zacharias#zacharias feh#fe heroes#I have been waiting for him to show up aaaah#yes I am Very Normal about him. I know.#Obviously this means Bruno will be revealed as one of the new mythic heroes tonight /j#Would be nice if true tho lmao#ok also there is something so endearing to me about these instances when he is still referred to as Mysterious Man#almost been 7 years of this game but we still need to keep the book 1 plot twist alive#idk. it’s. I don’t have much words to explain why it’s endearing lol
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i do not want to get out of bed omfg. this week has been so fucking insane im exhausted but we have aprogram tonight until 7 and i have to facilitate and there are a million things to do today
#but i got my p*riod and cotaught on tuesday and broke up w my counselor on monday and a few days before that redacted redacted so im ph#physically and emotionally exhausted but we have this program tonight until 7 and then 2 trainings tomorrow andi have like 2 meetings inbetw#between those. and i just want to sleep and/or lie down w a heating pad bc my cramps have been brutal this time around. literally could#barely get work done on tuesday bc i was in AGONY and forgot my heating pad and no one could bring it to me from home but it s like i have n#nowhere on campus to lie down or get checked out or anything bc im not a student anymore so i need to just writhe at my desk (<- i have one#of those now finally btw 🥹💗) and jusf hope i don’t pass out. and i didn’t but it was so bad and im not recovered from it yet. idk.#everything is so much. there are some intense and in some cases horrible things happening. iwwish we had time to pause and process them and#that we weren’t so tired and stretched all the time. i wish we didn’t have all these pressures to worry about. i wish we could just have#time to love each other and check in truly and to support each other bc we are friends before we are colleagues methinks and i jsut want us#to be ok and happy and rested and healthy. idk. augh#delete later#purrs#also i think i am not normal when it comes to cramps btw. i think maybe it might not be normal to be in this much pain. or maybe im just#weak or have a low pain tolerance but i feel like it’s a lot worse than it used to be + i get cramps at Other times too and it’s ummmm bad.#ask to tag#like how absolutely insane that this is a huge part of my life and i feel like i can’t even talk abt it and it’s so embarrassing but it#literaly is like.. every other week im scared that im gonna be unable to function bc of pain but i literally say nothing at all and just smi#smile and pretend im fine and barely talk abt it. i don’t think that’s good or normal. and i think ppl should talk abt p*ripds more so it’s#not as weird or bad or gross or cringe whatever to talk abt being in pain and to accommodate urself or whatever despite other ppl knowing#abt it. cringeeeee augh i don’t want to be one of Those people but like. it’s bad and i fucking hate it
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🎶✨when u get this, list 5 songs u like to listen to, publish. then, send this ask to 10 of your favorite followers (positivity is cool)🎶✨
I GAVE YOU SOME OF MY FYOLAI SONGS!
#i literally have so much to explain!#ok first of all love me normally is like a perfect fit for them?? its like i want to love someone but i dont understand the normal way-#of LOVING someone so its kinda insane#harvey is says it all in the lyrics#“harvey nobody knows what i see” “nobody knows im waiting for you to call”#FLUFFY FYOLAI REAL#one lyric from place in the world reminds me of them#the “you and i we're just fighting for our place in the world”#HONESTLY THE LYRICS REMIND ME OF THEM A LOT NOT JUST THAT#favorite poison is just amazing#it gives band au fyolai#(please go check out soupyhand's band au fyolai its amazing)#LASTLY PITY PARTY!#one lyric. just one.#“the world might end tonight i wont be by your side and if the world ends tonight i won't be by your side”#hope you like em!
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last
for realsies
#HELLO IM VENTING AGAIN IM SO SORRY#i am sick of everything the usual but i just need some fucking therapy and my diagnosises are taking too long because the system is shit#over here and i feel like i am a literal walking disaster a hazard to myself are my meds even working anymore idk? someone needs to lock me#in a fucking wardrobe before i loose my shit and do something stupid as fuck at least im self aware ok were growing this is called growth#wow ok amazing spectacular#like tonight ive decided i hate everyone again i want to quit uni actually might do it this time i just applied for a random job for no#reason i have a job but if i have 2 then i can over work myself to the max so i dont have to go into uni#i have three weeks off so now im cutting everyone off who knows how long this episode is gonna last for#i am loosing my god damn mind i do not want to do anything everything is so hard why is everyone so pressuring#i stopped doing some of my stupid habbits but now im just going full circle again so im thriving rn live love laugh am i right guys or what#AND WHY CANT I JUST HAVE A THERPAIST WHO CONTACTS ME ITS BEEN SINCE OCTOBER U FUCKING BITCH GO FUCK URSELF#anyway im in huge amounts of pain too idk what i do in my sleep or something but my shoulders hurt so bad#i hate wet tags on clothes when they stick to you throws up actually#i had stale fucking garlic bread today and i want to move out but if i move out then things will get worse for me#why cant i maintain a normal friendship without loosing my mind and hating everyone i mean no one knows my friends are pretty good with me#they understand but i dont know#ive come to the conclusion that i am just a shit
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I don’t know why but food has become hard to hold down lately
#liiike.#8/10 times that i eat a meal ill feel sick#and half of the time i end up puking it up#it happened again tonight#idk man my stomach is just mega sensitive ig???#i already cant eat any pork whatsoever without puking and sometimes chicken and a lot of the times fish and#idk.#i really dont#i can have instant meals but even then sometimes (4/10 times) i end up feeling nauseous#maybe theres something wrong with me?#but im not gonna find out lol i already have two medical bills coming in#one for a visit/bloodwork and one for an EEG that ill get in a week#sooo i cant afford going to a normal doctor yet#its ok ill probably just throw up so much that i wont be able to ever hold down food and then ill end up in the ER again#and then go into debt bc ER visits are expensive as fuck#welcome to america
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