#and how the concert came about (long story short: she said ‘i wanna perform live as mona!’ to the staff in passing and her wish was granted)

[deus-ex-mona]

✨noping out✨ of an awkward situation li k e

[itsallyscorner]

pleeeease write a blurb where the girl's a member of little mix and they do an award show performance, so tom keeps hyping his girl up and recording stories, just being a supportive bf 🥺

Thank you so much for requesting!! I’m so sorry it took so long, but I hope you enjoy it💞 I know you said you wanted a blurb, but I could never write short things, I’m always too damned detailed and shit, I’m sorry😭 Happy reading🥰

💌.

#1 Fan

Based on Little Mix’s 2019 BRITs performance of Woman Like Me, I suggest watching it to understand Tom’s insta story💞

“You’re going to absolutely smash it. All of you are.” Tom encouraged you. His large hands grasp onto yours comfortingly. The two of you were currently backstage at the BRITs in your and the girls’ shared dressing room. Tonight was a big night for you all, as you and the girls were nominated for two awards: British Artist Video of the Year and British Group of the Year. Additionally, the five of you were going to be performing your latest single, “Woman Like Me”.

To say that you were jittery was an understatement. You were terrifyingly nervous, it made you feel nauseous. Your stomach was a jungle of butterflies, fluttering nonstop as the time to perform grew closer and closer. You glanced at the clock and took a deep breath. The pink latex bra you had on felt as if it were getting tighter and tighter around your chest. Tom notices your slight discomfort and glances at the time, “How about we sit? You’ve got plenty of time to relax before you all go on stage.”

Tom wraps his arm around your waist and leads you to the couch in the dressing room. He settles beside you and moves his arm to rest across your lap, his hand interlocking with yours. You leaned back into the seat and watched the girls make last minute touches to their hair, face, and costumes. Tom squeezes your hand, bringing your attention to him. Your eyes shift to meet his warm chocolate brown ones. A soft smile grows on his lips, “Hey.”

You reciprocate his smile with a smaller one, “Hi.”

“What’s wrong? You rarely get jitters before going out on stage.” He asks you quietly so only you could hear. You stare down at your lap and fiddle with his fingers.

“I-it’s just different from what we’ve been doing lately.” You start, glancing at Tom. He nods for you to continue, “We just haven’t been doing live performances for such a long time. Like on tour, we’re usually performing in front of our fans. Not the entire British music industry or live television.”

Tom brings your hand up to his lips and presses a gentle kiss on it. “There’s nothing to worry about, darling. You—and the girls, are going to do amazing as always. You guys are the best at live performances. The amount of work and dedication you girls put into this is going to pay off, I swear, it’ll be a standing ovation. Everyone’s going to love it.”

You smile at your boyfriend’s support for you and the girls. You couldn’t help but peck his lips, to which he replied with a lovestruck grin.

“I’m just nervous that I’ll mess up. Like what if I miss a step of the choreography—or stumble on my words while I’m singing? Oh god, what if I forget the lyrics—“ Your eyes widen in horror as your head generated all the worst case scenarios that could happen on stage. Tom shushes you and gingerly cradles your jaw, being careful of the makeup on your face.

“Listen to me.” He levels his eyes with yours to make sure your attention is on him. “You’re not going to mess up or forget a line—none of that nonsense is going to happen. It’s a load of bullshit. You wanna know why? Because you’re (y/n) (l/n), a member of one of the biggest girl bands of the world, you’re my girlfriend, and you’re the most beautiful and talented girl I’ve ever met. You’re just overthinking. I know you, (y/n). Once the music starts on stage you get lost and start singing your heart out, the crowd just disappears from existence. It’s only you and the girls up on that stage and you’re going to make one hell of a performance. I just know it and so do the other people waiting in that audience.”

You stare at him, stunned by his sudden motivational speech. “Since when did you get good at pep talks?”

His mouth gapes at you, “Uh—stan Twitter? The fans? Is that seriously what you got from all of that?” You shook your head and wrapped your hands around his wrist. “No, I heard every single word. I guess I’m feeling a bit more better now, so thank you, Tommy.” You peck his lips again, despite the fact that your lip gloss was getting on his lips. Though he didn’t care, as long as he was kissing you.

“Still got some nerves?”

“Just a little bit. But I’ll be fine, especially with you in the crowd.” You interlock your fingers with his and glance at the clock. Only 10 more minutes till you were all going to perform.

Tom’s face lights up, “Front seat babe, I got the best seat in the house. I swear, I’m recording the whole performance on my phone. I already got Harrison to help me take Instagram stories for me at the same time. I need every angle.”

Jesy takes that as her cue to join the conversation, “My goodness, you’re such a dork.” She reaches her hand out for you to help you get off the couch.

Tom fakes a dramatic gasp, knowing Jesy didn’t really mean her jab at him. “I don’t know what you’re taking about, I’m just being a very supportive boyfriend. AND Little Mix’s number one fan.”

You dust your pink pants off and take a look at yourself in the full body mirror. You did a little shake too loosen your limbs out and did some breathing exercises. Tom lets you do your pre-performance ritual while he talks with the girls.

Perrie crosses her arms, amused at the younger Brit, “Are you seriously competing against a bunch of teenage girls to deem yourself as our number one fan?”

“Well are they dating one of the members of Little Mix? I don’t think so. You know who is? Me.” Tom gestures to himself sassily. “I even get to hear all the new music earlier than everybody else and get good seats at concerts.” He bragged while one of the members on your team helped you place your in-ears.

Jesy rolls her eyes before gesturing to the door, “Right, I’m calling security. Apparently we’ve got a crazed fan in our dressing room.” Jade and Leigh-Anne stifle a laugh at the bickering.

“You can’t kick me out, I have backstage access.” Tom defended himself with crossed arms.

“No seriously, babe. We’re about to perform in five.” You join the conversation, finally feeling your anxiousness start to fade away. Tom blinks at you, “I’m being kicked out by my own girlfriend?”

Jesy laughs at Tom, taking the piss out of his offended expression. A sly smirk grows on your face. You hold your hands out for him to help him off the couch, “If you want to record every second and angle of our performance, I suggest leaving now.”

Tom straightens out his suit before interlocking your fingers with his. He leans forward and pressed a kiss to the top of your head. “You’re gonna be great. I love you.”

You giggle, eyes beaming up at his warm brown ones, “I love you too. Now get back to Harrison, you’ve left him alone for too long.” Prior to leaving, he stops in his tracks and manages to gather you and the girls into a group selfie. He wishes you all good luck and leaves, making his way back to his seat in the audience.

While he walks back, he posts the selfie you all took onto his Instagram story with the caption, “Good luck to these beautiful ladies! Tune into the BRITs to see their performance, you don’t wanna miss it!”

He gets back to the table designated for you and the girls to see Harrison with an unamused face.

“What?” Tom asks him, confused at his friend.

“You left me here by myself, you div.” Harrison quips. Tom cringes and apologizes to his friend.

“You’re still gonna help me record the performance, right?” Tom sheepishly asked gesturing to Harrison’s phone.

“Yes, Tom, I’ve told you multiple times that I’ll record it.” Harrison held his phone up getting his camera ready. Harrison was about the rant about Tom and how whipped the boy was for you, but was sushed by his best friend.

“SHUT UP IT’S STARTING. HARRISON START RECORDING!” The lights dimmed while someone announced you and the girls. Harrison had his phone already filming while Tom held his phone up, ready to start recording things for his Instagram story.

Tom’s Instagram Story:

“HOLY SHIT!” Tom screamed behind the camera as he recorded the opening of the performance.

You and the girls were stood up while the dancers were on the floor thrusting up at you all. The camera flips to Tom, who’s mouth was agape, “THAT SHOULD BE ME.”

The camera is back to the stage, where you and the girls are doing the choreography with the chairs. Tom whoops loudly in the background and yells, “THAT’S FUCKING SICK—HARRISON LOOK AT THEM.”

“YESS! THAT’S MY GIRLFRIEND!” Tom screamed, thrusting his finger in your direction when your part of the song came on.

Tom zooms in on you as you strutted alongside the girls on the stage, he flips the camera back to him and a smirk is on his lips. He nodded before telling the camera, “That’s my girl.”

Tom forgot to turn his camera around and ended up recorded himself reacting to the performance. A proud smile is on his features while his eyes lit up as they followed you on stage. He leaned closer to Harrison and says, “She looks stunning, mate, my god.”

The stories cut to him and Harrison dancing and singing along to Woman Like Me.

The camera cuts back to you. You’re singing your part in the chorus and you hit a certain note that stuns Tom. He flips the camera to himself, a shocked expression on his face while he hyped you up.

The colored lights reflect onto Tom’s face, his mouth widens when he realizes you and the girls included a dance break in the performance. He flips the camera back, making sure all five of you were in frame.

Tom cheers in the background along with the audience when you and the girls finish your performance.

An unbreakable smile is on Tom’s lips, “There you all have it, I tried to record some parts just in case you all missed it—But that was probably one of the greatest performances they have ever done. I feel so honored to be here.”

Tom leans over so him and Harrison are in frame, “What did you think of the performance, Harrison?” Harrison grins, “I thought it was out of this world, I wasn’t expecting that.”

Tom’s face is hovered above the camera, “I just wanted to let you all know, that after tonight, I am officially becoming a Little Mix fan account. Follow me for more insider updates on Little Mix.”

You come back to the table to see Tom, Harrison, and the girl’s dates beaming at the five of you. You’re all greeted with congratulations and hugs. When you finally reach Tom, he crashes his lips onto yours and lifts you up.

You giggle against his lips, “Hello to you too.”

He pecks your lips twice more before placing you back down, “You were—I don’t even know how to describe it. You were fucking amazing up there.”

You whine, the blush growing on your cheeks while you hid your face in his neck, “Well, I couldn’t have done it without your little pep talk. So thank you, lovey.” 

Tom waves you off while helping you into the seat beside him, “That was all you, darling.”

You and the girls settled down as the awards show continued on. You were drinking a glass of water and reached out to check your phone. Tom stops you, grabbing your wrist. You shoot him a look.

“No—just, don’t watch my Instagram story. Please.” He asks you with a sheepish smile. A loud roar of laughter is heard from across the table, making you all look at Jesy. She simply holds her phone up, screen facing you all, with Tom’s story playing on it.

[crygimethydgoode]

Lover’s Fantasia Chapter 1 (Crystal Methyd x Gigi Goode RPDR12) Cruel Summer

no rules in breakable heaven 

https://archiveofourown.org/works/32286397/chapters/80027176

June 28th, 2021

Amsterdam

It was a fresh start. And it was exactly what Gigi needed after finally starting to feel like herself, finally seeing the sun without her smile. It was a new city bustling with new people and new experiences. It was perfect timing too. Soon after Biden was sworn into office, vaccines were being rolled out. By spring Gigi was fully vaccinated, she could finally go out with her friends and feel the sun beating down on her skin. Her best friend had just won Drag Race, and in late May they celebrated with a trip to Mexico. Gigi was performing again, living again. She breathed in the fresh air that was once masked with a piece of cloth. Everything was finally going back to normal.

Well, almost everything.

Because some days Gigi still went to Venice Beach to sit alone for a moment, allowing herself to bask in the almost nostalgic feeling. Allowing herself to feel that ache in her chest she had fought so hard to push down the past year. But she knew that feeling wouldn’t last, so she’d leave, telling herself it was for the best. Then the sun blinded Gigi through her curtains early one morning when she got a call from Jaida Essence Hall and Michelle Visage offering her a gig for the summer in Amsterdam. And Gigi couldn’t help but hope. It was Hunter who ultimately convinced her to go.

“It’ll be good for you,” he said. “It’s new. It’s nothing she’s… touched.” And Hunter was right, so that night they booked a ticket to Amsterdam. Gigi was excited, she really was. What could be better than spending nearly three months with Jaida and Michelle while they prepared for the iconic Amsterdam Pride? It was the perfect opportunity.

So why did Gigi’s chest ache as she made her way through customs? She decided to ignore it, which was something she had gotten used to doing. The Schiphol airport was much different than LAX. It didn’t have the same white interior and harsh lights that always caught Gigi in her worst moments, no, this airport was different. It was modern, but not artificial. With plenty of art, places to sit, and excitement. It was enough to make her nerves settle.

Gigi’s eyes scanned the horizon through the large windows, and if she squinted she swore she could see Amsterdam, her home for the next few months. She saw The Man in the Clock and quickly took a picture, captioning it “surprise!” before sending it to her story. She decided to keep Amsterdam a secret from the fans, mostly because she couldn’t promise that when the day came, she would be able to get on the plane.

“Don’t be dumb,” Symone said to Gigi as they walked into the airport, Hunter trailing behind. “This is a good thing, Gigi, you’re gonna realize it as soon as that plane takes off.”

So Gigi boarded the plane, not wanting the last time she saw Symone for a while to end in a fight. And she made it to Amsterdam, but now she wasn’t exactly sure what to do from here. She decided going to baggage claim would probably be a good start.

As Gigi walked to the baggage claim, she decided that Symone was right, and this really was the best thing for her. It had to be. She stood waiting for her suitcase when a flash of color caught her eye. Her heart dropped into the pit of her stomach, hoping her eyes were just playing tricks on her. It wouldn’t be the first time. Sometimes she’d see a head of curls on the street and her heart would skip a beat, and the sensible part of Gigi’s mind would remind her that they were worlds away.

Gigi assumed it was just her wishful thinking and continued to look for her suitcase and waited for the tightness in her chest to go away. But then the flash of color Gigi had seen came into full view. A hot pink suitcase covered in various stickers with a leopard print scarf tied around the handle. Suddenly her heart shot up from the bottom of her stomach into her throat. Gigi blinked a few times, trying to wake herself up from this nightmare. ‘It couldn’t be,’ Gigi thought. ‘There’s no fucking way.’

“Excuse me, pardon me,” a small nasally voice said. ‘No. Nope. This can’t be happening. This cannot be happening. Fuck this. It’s not her, it couldn’t be.’

“Excuse me, thank you- Gigi?”

Fuck. Gigi took a deep breath and grabbed the pink suitcase, as well as her own. She turned around.

“Hi,” Gigi said.

“Hello?”

Summer 2019

Drag Race

Gigi paced around her hotel room, deep in thought. It was her first day off after the first challenge. Gigi had been stuck in her room all day, just expected to sit around and do nothing. Just expected to ignore the longing in her chest for her friends back home. Hunter, Symone, Rosy, Marko, who were just a short car ride away, technically. But Gigi was locked in her hotel room, being told to enjoy some time off. In solitary confinement. What a way to celebrate the fact she had just nearly won her first challenge of Drag Race, placing in the top two of the very first challenge. Gigi was on cloud nine, relieved that she made a good first impression.

And that the judges liked all the helmets.  

But Gigi was so lonely, all she could do was lay in bed and watch weird daytime television. She tried to watch the shitty soap operas but they were just so boring and corny, she couldn’t stomach them. She didn’t have anything to work on, anything to read, nothing. She even attempted to work out, jogging around the tiny hotel room. That lasted for thirty seconds.

Gigi knew the obvious solution. One of the first things she had noticed in her hotel room was the conjoined door, which led right into Crystal’s room. Crystal Methyd. Probably the weirdest person Gigi had ever met. Not just because of her crazy bright drag, clown makeup, and outrageous but perfect amount of jewelry. No, she was shocked by how drawn she was to Crystal. She really was unlike anyone Gigi had ever met.

When Jackie asked Crystal if she was a fashion queen or a comedy queen, and Crystal just responded with “Fashion queen, comedy queen, I’m a TALENTED queen,” Gigi was completely fascinated by her. And then she actually got to talk to Crystal and get to know her a little bit, and Gigi knew in a heartbeat that Crystal was special. She was bright, sociable, and funny. But also really quiet, drawn into herself. Gigi couldn’t quite decide what it was, but Crystal had something the other girls didn’t. She needed to be her friend. So Gigi came up with a game plan.

She obviously couldn’t just knock and say she was bored like a loser. What if Crystal didn’t want to be bothered? What if Crystal hated her already? No. Gigi had a feeling Crystal just wasn’t that kind of person. Maybe she could ask to borrow sewing supplies, saying that she wanted to polish up one of her runway looks. And then she would just... charm Crystal into having a conversation with her? That could work. It’s not like Gigi had many options.

So she walked to the door that went into Crystal’s room. “Go before you’re ready bitch,” Gigi said to herself. She took a deep breath, raised her fist to the door, and before her screaming mind and pounding heart could stop her, she knocked. She could hear rustling coming from Crystal’s room, probably her crawling out of bed.

‘Do you have a big sewing needle? Do you have a big sewing needle? Do you have a big sewing needle?’ Gigi said over and over in her head. And then, before she was ready, the door swung open, and there she was. Crystal Methyd. Gigi’s breath caught in her throat and she prayed Crystal didn’t notice.

Crystal’s mullet had been put into two messy space buns on top of her head, little tendrils of curls framing her face. Gigi could tell that Crystal had hastily shoved her glasses on; they were lopsided, slowly slipping off her nose. There was only one word to describe the person who was standing in front of Gigi, being engulfed in an oversized One Direction concert T-shirt. Adorable. Her game plan flew out the window, and she was left there, speechless, looking like an idiot. What did she want again?

“Hi,” Gigi blurted lamely. Crystal’s face split into a grin, and Gigi could tell she was trying not to laugh.

“Hello?” Crystal asked in her sweet voice. Maybe it was her soft appearance. Maybe it was the fact that Gigi was too bored to care. Or maybe it was Crystal’s kind smile and bright eyes that made Gigi immediately relax. This was just Crystal. The same dork who had a One Direction tattoo on their chest in Arabic. She’s just... Crystal.

“I’m so fucking bored,” Gigi sighed, letting herself smile.

“Oh my GOD, me too! I thought about knocking on your door but I didn’t wanna bother you. Do you wanna come in?” Crystal offered, stepping to the side. Oh. That’s it? That’s all it took?

“Yeah,” Gigi grinned and stepped into Crystal’s room. Gigi’s heart was still pounding, her stomach still felt like it was in her throat. And there was Crystal, already climbing back into the bed, beckoning Gigi to join her. It felt like… it felt like Gigi was truly seeing Crystal for the first time. And her heart was still pounding. It felt good.

Amsterdam

Gigi had imagined what it would be like to see Crystal again for the first time, she had thought of scenario after scenario. Maybe she would enter the Werkroom for All Stars and there Crystal would be standing, a bright grin on her face. Or maybe one day they would be randomly booked for the same gig and they’d bump into each other backstage. Gigi also had wondered what it would feel like to see her again. She expected it to feel like a punch in the gut, or maybe like she was drowning, gasping for air while trying to find the right words to say. But as Gigi stood in the middle of the Schipol Airport looking into Crystal’s brown eyes, the only thing she found crashing over herself was a wave of relief. Crystal was still... Crystal. For some reason, Gigi assumed Crystal would be different, or maybe Gigi assumed she would feel different. But she stood there and felt as the familiar fire began to burn in her chest.

“What are you doing here?” Crystal asked, a slur of emotions ridden on her face.

“I-”

“Oh good, you found each other!” Jaida’s voice called out. Gigi and Crystal’s heads both whipped to see Jaida and Michelle Visage.

“Welcome to Amsterdam bitches, it’s about to be the best summer ever!!!” Michelle ran to them, giving them each a hug, Jaida following suit. Gigi felt like she had just been slapped in the face, but she put on the best grin she could, and Crystal did the same.

“Look at us, top three reunited! I can’t believe it’s almost been a year since Drive n’ Drag,” Gigi’s breath hitched in the back of her throat and she hoped no one noticed.

“Totally,” Crystal said, voice falling flat.

“So excited.” Gigi managed a smile. Jaida cocked an eyebrow.

“You two okay?” Michelle asked. Gigi was anything but okay.

“Yeah. I just got to go to the bathroom before we leave,” Gigi said. She heard Jaida and Michelle questioning Crystal as she walked away.

“She’s probably just jet-lagged,” Crystal shrugged. Gigi walked faster. She rushed to the bathroom, locking the door behind her.

“Fuck,” Gigi exhaled, fumbling for her phone, not exactly sure why. Who would she even call? If Gigi told Hunter now, the rest of the day her phone would be blowing up with messages. Besides, it was around 6 AM in LA, Hunter wouldn’t even be awake for another few hours or so. Gigi decided to just splash some water on her face, hoping she didn’t worry Jaida and Michelle too much by running off.

And Crystal.

God, what could Crystal be thinking right now? Gigi took a deep breath and stared at herself in the mirror. “You got this.” And with that, she walked out of the bathroom, head held high.

“Y’all ready?” Jaida asked.

“Ready,” Gigi nodded. With a loud whoop, Michelle and Jaida started towards the exit of the airport, Crystal and Gigi trailing slightly behind. After a short walk through the parking lot, they arrived at Jaida’s rental car. Gigi put her suitcase in the trunk and tried to ignore Crystal, who was clearly watching her. Jaida was driving, Michelle had taken shotgun, which meant Gigi and Crystal would be sitting in the backseat together. Great.

Crystal and Gigi sat in their respective seats. They didn’t lean in and talk to each other, they didn’t slowly find themselves inching closer and closer until their shoulders were pressed together, they both just busied themselves by looking out the window at the flatland that seemed to go on forever. Luckily, the drive was only about twenty minutes into the city. They made some light conversation, but it was clear that Crystal and Gigi couldn’t match Jaida’s and Michelle’s energy.

“Oh! There’s this long-ass tunnel coming up. No, Michelle, I’m not talking about your throat,” Jaida said. Gigi tried to see Crystal out of the corner of her eye. She had a worried expression on her face. ‘It’s not my problem,’ Gigi thought to herself. ‘ It’s not my job to make sure she’s okay.’

Gigi knew that. But that didn’t stop the sick feeling rising in her stomach as the tunnel appeared in the distance. She bit the inside of her cheek, Crystal shifted uncomfortably in her seat as they entered the tunnel. “Weee fuckers!” Jaida cackled. Crystal forced an uncomfortable laugh.

“Can we put on some music?” Gigi folded. Crystal visibly relaxed.

“I thought you would never ask!” Michelle said, handing back the aux cord. “Who wants it?”

“Crystal, you want it?” Gigi said, trying to sound as neutral as possible. Crystal just nodded, plugging her phone in quickly. Before they knew it, the car came out the other side of the tunnel, being filled with sunlight once again.

“Oooh, ladies we are getting close! I’m so excited for you guys to see Amsterdam. You’re gonna love it here,” Michelle said after a few more minutes of driving.

“Wait, how close? Because I have something very important I need to do,” Crystal laughed. God, Gigi missed Crystal’s laugh. She had almost forgotten the way it could fill and brighten the room.

“Well this is our exit, so do what you need to do, girl,” Jaida said, taking the exit. Gigi waited, wondering what Crystal could possibly have planned. Suddenly, in the distance, the tops of roofs appeared as the busy highway turned into a bustling street full of cyclists cutting through the road, causing Jaida to scream. The buildings changed from modern, glass exteriors to faded brick masonry.

Citizens and tourists alike walked the cobblestone streets freely, other people driving didn’t blink an eye at the cyclists who truly ruled the streets. Everyone was going at their own speed, each person had their own tempo they went to. It was refreshing, seeing everyone just doing. Gigi was almost emotional, this was still her fresh start despite… everything. She could actually see herself calling this place home.

Just then, she heard it. “Boom, Clap” by Charli XCX started playing out of the car's speakers, and Crystal was wearing a shit-eating grin. Gigi tried desperately to force back her smile, but couldn’t. They turned down road after road, slowly finding their way into the heart of the city. It was fucking gorgeous, it almost felt like they had gone back in time as the vintage buildings captivated them completely. Gigi felt the excitement rise up in her chest, she couldn’t stop grinning. She stole a look at Crystal, who to her surprise, was looking back. A feeling rose within Gigi, hope, maybe. And then Jaida slammed on her breaks, causing everyone to lurch forward in their seats.

“DAMN IT’S LIKE THE VANS ALL OVER AGAIN!”

Drag Race

Once all the queens had gotten out of drag, they were escorted to the vans, which brought them back to the hotel. Gigi soon found that one of her favorite parts of being on Drag Race was oddly the van rides to and from the studio. It was about a fifteen minute drive in the mornings, but a 45 minute drive when they had to go through heavy L.A. traffic. But Gigi enjoyed it. She liked sitting with Crystal, just shooting the shit. Sometimes all the girls would make up stupid road games to pass the time, which annoyed the hell out of the driver.

But most of the time, Crystal and Gigi were off in their own little world, foreheads nearly pressed together, hushed whispers about whatever stupid random thing they were talking about, two giggling messes. But things were different tonight. The challenge was Snatch Game, and Gigi was going through a whirlwind of emotions. She had just WON Snatch Game, which was totally unexpected but meant everything.

But she had also gotten into her first “TV fight” and it wasn’t as glamorous as she had expected. If anything, she just felt like shit for coming after Heidi’s makeup out of nowhere. Yes, she looked cracked, but Gigi wished she had just kept her mouth shut.

BUT SHE HAD JUST WON SNATCH GAME.

‘I’m not just a fashion queen anymore, bitches,’ Gigi thought gleefully. And then her attention turned to the queen who was walking to the vans slower than usual, head cast down. The night had been so hectic, Gigi had only been able to talk to Crystal a couple of times since the runway. Poor Crystal. If Gigi had a bad night, it was nothing compared to hers. Crystal’s Snatch Game didn’t go so well. At all. It was shit.

No one but Gigi had really understood it. While Crystal’s Poppy was accurate, the judges didn’t find it funny. Gigi thought it was amusing. Entertaining? Well,  at least her performance wasn’t as bad as Aiden’s or Britta’s.

The queens climbed into the vans, all going to their unassigned assigned seats. Gigi, Crystal, and Jackie sat in the way back, Crystal in the middle. Gigi couldn’t help but smile as Crystal slid in next to her, shoulders knocking together.

“Hey,” Gigi whispered, tilting her head to look at Crystal. She just gave Gigi a sad smile, resting her head on her shoulder. Gigi’s stomach immediately dipped, her whole body on fire. ‘Is my heart really beating that fast?’ she thought, feeling the pounding against her chest. She prayed Crystal didn’t notice. If she did, she gave nothing away. She just nuzzled her head closer to Gigi’s neck, letting out a sigh. Gigi could practically feel Jackie smirking at them, but couldn’t be bothered to care. She loved these van rides for a reason.  But they couldn’t know that. So Gigi just gave a soft chuckle and leaned into Crystal. “You good?” She whispered. Crystal gave a small nod.

“‘M just tired,” Crystal murmured. The vans took off, and they were immediately stuck in L.A. traffic. Within five minutes Crystal was fast asleep. Gigi allowed herself to relax for a moment, just thinking about the person that was practically sleeping on top of her. Things with Crystal were... interesting. It was weird how fast they clicked. The minute Gigi had built up the nerve to knock on Crystal’s door, they had become nearly inseparable. Of course they were close with the other queens, but Crystal and Gigi had each other on lock, painting next to each other, working on their challenges together, riding in the vans together, always.

And nearly every night since had been spent in each other's hotel rooms; practicing the lip syncs, sewing costume pieces together in silence, or just talking about everything and nothing. They were just there for each other. Within the span of two weeks, Crystal had become one of Gigi’s favorite people in the world. Gigi couldn’t help but wonder if the feeling was mutual.

Suddenly the van hit a huge bump, causing everyone’s heads to smack the ceiling.

“Did you hit a fuckin dog?!” Gigi heard Jaida ask the van driver. With a soft laugh, Gigi turned her head to see Crystal was awake now, rubbing the sleep out of her eyes.

“We hit a dog?” she whispered, still half asleep. Gigi chuckled and shook her head.

“No, it was just a bump,” she replied. Crystal let out a breath, laying her head on Gigi’s shoulder again.

“Your snatch game was so good,” Crystal muttered dreamily. Gigi could feel her face beginning to heat up, but tried to keep her cool.

She’s just Crystal. Just Crystal.

She’s just... Crystal.

“Thank you,” Gigi replied softly. She wasn't sure why, but something gave her the nerve to reach for Crystal’s hand, giving it a light squeeze. Crystal laced their fingers together and didn’t let go.

“I’m just so happy for you. You’re killing it, Geege. You’re gonna go all the way,”

“Yeah well, I’m not going anywhere without you. So you better do good next week. I need you,” the words came out of Gigi’s mouth before she could even think to stop herself. Crystal raised her head, turning to look straight into Gigi’s eyes.

“You will not see me in the bottom again,” Crystal said, a determined look on her face. And Gigi believed her.

“I know.”

The vans pulled up to the hotel, and everyone was escorted to their rooms. Crystal and Gigi said a quick “goodnight” in the hallway in front of the producers and went into their respective rooms. And then Gigi heard it. Her knock. Gigi opened her conjoined door and there Crystal was, looking like she was holding back a shit-eating grin.

“Was my Snatch Game really that bad?”

“Crystal...” Gigi trailed off. And they both burst into laughter. And it was nice.

Amsterdam

It was nice to laugh with Crystal again, nice to feel carefree and happy with her again, driving through the streets of Amsterdam as Jaida and Michelle pointed out a few of the clubs.

“You bitches aren’t ready to see your apartments! We’re all in the same building, Jaida and I are a floor below you,” Michelle said excitedly, turning back in her seat as Jaida turned down a narrow road.

“Y’all are on the top floor. Michelle and I didn’t wanna go up all those stairs. Sorry bitches!” Jaida cackled unapologetically. So not only did Gigi have to spend two months in Amsterdam with Crystal, she also had to live right next to her.

‘This is fine. Amsterdam is still my fresh start. This is fine. I will be alright,’ Gigi repeated over and over in her head until Jaida parked on the side of a busy street, her car parallel with one of the many canals in Amsterdam.“See that coffeeshop?'' Jaida pointed at a tall building across the street that was much wider than the other ones. There was a coffeeshop on the bottom floor, the storefront painted bright turquoise. All along the windows were tiny versions of all the different pride flags waving in the wind.

Looking through the windows Gigi could see walls covered in art as people sat in booths, passing joints around with dazy grins on their faces. And Gigi couldn’t help but grin too. “We’re living right above it! Pretty good gig, right?! Me and my girl Michelle tiptoe down the stairs every night, we smoke a little, laugh a little, and stumble up into our beds. You two are gonna love it, I know,” Jaida explained as everyone helped unload Crystal and Gigi’s suitcases. Gigi could tell Crystal wasn’t paying attention, looking around the city in wonder.

Jaida and Michelle started to cross the street towards the apartments, but Crystal was still standing in the same spot, watching the hustle and bustle of Amsterdam.

“Crystal,” Gigi called, not wanting to cross the street without her. Crystal’s head snapped in Gigi’s direction, and she immediately ran towards her, suitcase in trail.

“Sorry. Thanks. It’s just all so...” Crystal trailed off as they followed Michelle and Jaida into the apartment building.

“I know,” Gigi muttered, giving Crystal a tight smile.

“Right,” Crystal said, her voice barely above a whisper. They walked up a narrow stairway behind Jaida and Michelle. After climbing four long flights of stairs, they finally stopped. The four stood on a small landing, barely fitting. There were two doors across from each other, the one on the left labeled 28, the one on the right 27. “I want 28!” Crystal blurted, eyes wild. Gigi had to hold back a laugh.

“That was your apartment anyway, dipshit. Michelle, if you wanna give Crystal a tour of her apartment, I can show Gigi around hers,” Jaida said, and pulled Gigi into her apartment. She looked around at the narrow but long room. Immediately to the left, there was a door that led to the bathroom. Gigi stood in front of the door, looking at the small kitchenette before her, knowing she would never use it. But there was a small table with four chairs that Gigi immediately knew she would use to organize all of her drag stuff. To the right, there was a huge bed with fluffy white pillows and a matching comforter. And right next to the bed was a door that led outside.

“THAT’S RIGHT BITCH YOU GOT A BALCONY!!!” Jaida exclaimed as she dragged Gigi outside. She was immediately blown away by the sight. The balcony overlooked a small canal, jutting over the water. There was no road, just another set of apartments on the other side. But to her right, Gigi could still see the main street where Jaida’s car was parked, tourists and dutch folk alike going in and out of the small shops and restaurants. “And you get to share the balcony with Crystal! You two will have fun out here,” Jaida winked at her. Gigi saw another door right next to hers, which she guessed led to Crystal’s apartment. Conjoined balconies. Cute.

Jaida walked back inside, leaving Gigi no time to dwell on it as she went in after her. “Anyways, not much of a tour, there’s not much to see, but I just wanted to help you get all settled in! At like, 7, I thought we could get dinner? Go explore the city a little?” Jaida stood at the door, a glint in her eye. She knew.

“Yeah. That’s great,” Gigi replied easily. Jaida opened the door, and Gigi couldn’t help but stop her. “You left out some key details when you invited me here, Jaida. I didn’t know Crystal would be... joining us,” She tried to sound as casual and pleasant as possible, but she gave Jaida a pointed stare.

“Oops must’ve slipped my mind!  SORRYBYE,” Jaida winked and practically ran out of the apartment. And Gigi was alone.

“Fuck,” she said out loud. “Fuck fuck fuck fuck FUCK!” Gigi collapsed onto her bed and immediately took out her phone to FaceTime Hunter. “I don’t care if you’re sleeping, bitch, pick up,” She whispered, waiting to see Hunter’s face. He finally answered, still in bed. Gigi could see Marko’s sleeping body next to him.

“Geege it’s so fucking early whaaaaat,” Hunter groaned. ‘Oh just you wait bitch,’ Gigi thought. No matter how miserable she was, she couldn’t wait to see Hunter’s face when he found out.

“Guess who’s joining me, Michelle, and Jaida in Amsterdam?” Gigi said in a false cheery voice. Hunter just looked at her for a moment, and she could see the realization slowly dawn on his face.

“No.”

“Hunter...” She said, feeling the familiar tightening in her throat.

“No,” Hunter said again, and Gigi was surprised to see tears in his eyes. Fuck.

“Yeah,” Gigi said lamely, now trying to fight back her own tears. She had almost forgotten just how shitty her situation was. Almost.

“Gigi...” Hunter whispered, hand clasped over his mouth.

“Hunter...” Gigi’s voice cracked, and fuck she was crying again.

“A whole year of progress, of you finally... finally being your old self again. It’s all-all gone. And those assholes didn’t even tell you?!” Hunter was pissed now, getting out of bed and pacing around the darkroom.

“No, but it’s okay! I’m still me. This is still my fresh start, I can do this. She doesn’t matter,” Gigi said fiercely. And she wanted to believe herself so badly. But Hunter didn’t look convinced. And she wasn’t either.

“Gigi... what are you gonna do?” Hunter asked, still shell shocked.

“I don’t know. I don’t know. I guess just... keep my distance? I don’t know, Hunter,” Her voice cracked.

“Hasn’t the universe put you through enough?” Hunter implored, desperately trying not to break. Gigi had also forgotten how hard everything had been on him. How he was left to pick up her broken pieces.

“I guess not,” She answered lamely. She just looked at Hunter for a moment and watched as he took a deep breath, collecting himself. And then he went into momager mode.  

“Okay. Here’s what we’re gonna do. You are not going to be alone with Crystal. Ever. You have worked on yourself way too much to throw it all away for her. Okay? If you feel like you’re gonna do something stupid, call me. I don’t care if I’m sleeping, I don’t care if I’m at a rager. I don’t give a shit- Fucking call me. You can’t do this again Gigi. We can’t do this again,” Hunter ordered Gigi, giving her no room to object. And she easily agreed, even though a small, secret part of her didn’t want to. Not long after Hunter hung up, going back to bed. As Gigi stared at the ceiling, she knew she was utterly fucked. After all, when had Gigi ever actually listened to Hunter?

Drag Race

When Gigi heard a knock on her door, she wasn't exactly surprised. Crystal had been coming to visit every night since the Political challenge. And every night Gigi dreamed in screaming colors. At first, she tried to blame it on the excitement of being on Drag Race, but Gigi knew she was just lying to herself. She opened the door and of course, Crystal was there. Her mullet was pulled up into a top knot with a scrunchie, a mischievous grin had taken over her face, one hand behind her back. Needless to say, Gigi was ready to say yes to whatever Crystal had in store.

“What’s behind your back?” Gigi cocked an eyebrow.

“Well, I told you I was saving a joint for my first win...” Crystal sang, revealing a joint and lighter in hand.

“Oh my fucking god,” Gigi laughed, a rush of excitement crashing over her.

“I figured if we turn on the steam-fan-thingy in the bathroom and smoke in there everything would be fine, right?” Crystal asked. It was a bad plan. Definitely a bad plan that could get them both in trouble. But Gigi couldn’t be bothered to care.

“I’m in,” She grinned.

“Okay, we have to go to the vending machine first though,” Crystal said, and then “I already begged the producers to let us go together, be thankful it’s Annie and Noelle babysitting tonight.”

They walked down the long hallway, visibly excited. Gigi leaned against the side of the vending machine, peering at Crystal through the glass as she punched in item after item.

“Are you a peanut butter gal? I kinda am. It’s not my first choice but also not my last choice, you know? God, I wish they had Swedish fish...” Crystal kept on rambling about candy, but Gigi couldn’t hear over the pounding in her chest. The artificial light shone in Crystal’s face, and Gigi had to force back her smile. As she got lost in Crystal, Gigi couldn’t help but feel as if she was breaking out loud, the way she never did. “That should cover it,” Crystal said, arms full of snacks. The smile Gigi was forcing down shone through. “What?” Crystal asked, looking shy. Gigi smiled.

“Nothing. Come on, let me help,” she said, taking some of the snacks. They went back into their respective hotel rooms before Gigi entered Crystal’s room through the conjoined door. Crystal turned on the fan, it was a little annoying, a little loud, but didn’t matter at all to Gigi. Crystal threw all the snacks in the tub, and Gigi saw the lightbulb in Crystal’s head.

“I just had the best idea-”

“One step ahead of you,” Gigi laughed lightly, already going to sit in the bathtub. Somehow, their legs ended up in a tangled mess, but neither of them moved. Gigi grabbed the joint and cleared her throat. “This joint is being smoked tonight to honor the one and only Crystal Methyd’s first win!” Gigi said. Crystal cheered for herself. “I will now do the honorary lighting. Miss Methyd, if you would.” Crystal held the joint between her lips. Gigi had to hold her breath as the flame reached the joint. Crystal inhaled deeply then exhaled through a grin.

“Finally!” Crystal laughed, passing the joint to Gigi. She took a hit, sending all the smoke into her lungs then back out. They passed the joint back and forth a few more times until Gigi could feel the familiar buzzing in her chest and the tingling set underneath her eyes. She found herself giggling as she watched Crystal take another hit, coughing as she exhaled.

“Okay!” Crystal coughed. “First impressions of each other, go!” Gigi took a second to think. She had replayed the first time she met Crystal in her head over and over, but it was hard to put what she felt into words.

“Uhm... I remember you walked into the werkroom, and I thought ‘What is this thing-’” Gigi started. Crystal immediately started laughing, shifting to face Gigi. “And then you introduced yourself, and you talked about your One Direction tattoo, and I... I don’t know, I feel like I immediately could just be me around you. You were just... I don’t know. Yeah,” Gigi finished. Crystal passed her the joint.

“I thought you looked like Kelly Mantle at first. And I absolutely thought that you were going to hate me,” Crystal laughed. Gigi’s jaw dropped.

“Crystal-”

“I’m sorry.”

“You thought I looked like Kelly-“

“It was the hair-”

“-Mantle? Bacon dress girl?”

“Only for a second! And she’s a VERY talented Drag Queen!”

“Why would you think I’d hate you?”

“Because you were like... pretty. Not pretty, you were stunning. And stunning people sometimes don’t like me or don’t understand my drag. I don’t know, I just thought you’d hate me. People do,” she shrugged. Gigi didn’t know what to say. “I don’t know. You just made me... nervous? Then I heard you knock on my door on our first day off, and I got so excited because I just really wanted you to like me,” Crystal giggled, but there was weight behind the words.

“Crystal Elizabeth Methyd, there is no world where I could ever hate you,” Gigi said. Crystal looked at her differently for a second.

“Did you just call me Crystal Elizabeth Methyd?” Crystal chuckled. Gigi didn’t even realize she had called her that.

“Yeah...?” she said. Crystal just burst out laughing.

“I love that! That’s my name now. Crystal ELIZABETH Methyd. I sound fancy!” Crystal giggled.

When Gigi got the call saying she made it on Drag Race, this was the last thing she thought would happen. She didn’t think she’d find herself opening up one stitch at a time to Crystal. Yet as the smokescreen faded in and out of view, legs tangled, something screamed from within her. Crystal took a hit, then exhaled the smoke onto a piece of chocolate.

“Gigi, look! I made you an edible!” she laughed. Something screamed from within Gigi, and it screamed “This is exactly where you should be.” They finished the joint and ate all the snacks while swapping stories and laughs back and forth. Gigi learned a lot about Crystal, she learned about Get Dusted and all the work Crystal did for the drag community in Springfield with her friends. Gigi couldn’t wait to meet all of them. She also learned about Crystal’s fear of tunnels.

“Like, there’s cars above you, and you’re just stuck and I get all claustrophobic… it’s just not good,” Crystal explained. Gigi loved learning about Crystal, she loved watching her eyes light up as she praised her friends back home, about everything she accomplished with the Get Dusted girls. And Gigi loved as Crystal listened to her long-winded life story that she had definitely already told her before. But Crystal paid close attention, gasping in all the right places, listening intently. Hours had passed without either of them realizing it.

“Shit. It’s probably three by now,” Gigi groaned, rubbing her tired eyes. Crystal sighed.

“This is my least favorite part of the night,” she said. Gigi cocked an eyebrow. “Saying goodbye.” And again, Gigi saw a light bulb appear in Crystal’s brain. “You could stay the night!”

So Gigi crawled into bed with Crystal and tried to ignore the butterflies in her stomach. She dreamed of Crystal in the glow of neon signs, her hair, her glasses, her hands, her. When Gigi woke up, the silence of morning couldn’t be louder.

Amsterdam

At some point, Gigi found the motivation to get out of bed and stop moping, worrying about how she was going to avoid Crystal all summer. But Hunter was right. She could do this. Why would she ever be alone with Crystal anyways? All she had to do was lock herself in her apartment. Never go out on the balcony. Always make sure she was with Michelle or Jaida. Gigi could do it. And if she ever felt like she couldn’t, she would just FaceTime Hunter. She could do it easily.

But still. A small part of her didn’t want to.

Gigi shoved that intrusive thought down real fast and got changed for dinner. At 6:45 Jaida and Michelle came knocking on her door, and soon the group of four was off to dinner. Gigi had no idea where Jaida and Michelle had taken them. All she knew was that the booth was way too cramped, her arm nearly brushing Crystal’s. She thought this would be the worst part of dinner. But really it was Jaida and Michelle’s lame attempts at small talk.

“So. Crystal,” Jaida began, looking at her expectedly. “Why did I hear a little rumor that Widow is babysitting your cat?”

“Um... because she is,” Crystal giggled awkwardly. And then they were right back to that awkward silence. They soon finished up their meal, and Gigi didn’t look at Crystal the rest of the night,  knowing she couldn’t. Knowing it would unlock something too strong. Something she couldn’t just push down and forget. But then Crystal was walking on the edge of a canal, arms spread, trying to balance. Fucking idiot.

Gigi found herself slowly inching closer to Crystal, knowing she was tipsy and stupid. She noticed. The minute Crystal could feel Gigi’s presence, her head whipped to look at her. And then she stumbled. In a flash, Gigi’s arms flew out, one hand clutching Crystal’s elbow, the other one pulling her by the shoulder. Crystal stumbled into Gigi, but at least she didn’t stumble into the canal. Crystal regained her footing, quickly pulling away from Gigi after muttering a lame “thanks.”

Gigi’s mind was going crazy, her heart was pounding, her body on fire. That was the first time she had touched Crystal since... that was the first time Gigi had touched Crystal in ten months, just short of a year. It was all too much. That was the first time she had seen Crystal in a year. The first time she had spoken to her. She had been cut off from Crystal for nearly a year with absolutely no contact, just trying to forget about her. Could Gigi really do this? She thought she could. She hoped this would get easier.

“Y’all wanna smoke before bed?! I think it’ll be magical,” Jaida turned. Crystal hummed in agreement, Gigi just gave a silent nod. They soon made it to the coffeeshop they lived above and walked in. The inside was decorated with all kinds of weird shit. There was no specific lighting source, just a bunch of random, probably thrifted lamps scattered across the shop, casting different shades of light across the floor. There was a bookshelf filled to the brim with books and magazines. Gigi swore she could see the Harry Potter series next to some old Playboy magazines. One wall was covered with vinyl records that had been painted over. Every record was different, painted by different Dutch artists. Gigi’s favorite was a sunset over the desert, a car driving past with a U-haul trailer attached. She knew this would become one of her favorite spots in Amsterdam.

Crystal, Gigi, and Michelle sat at a table while Jaida went up to buy two joints for them to split. She came back shortly, an excited grin on her face.

“Just a little nightcap ladies,” Jaida sang, and Gigi had to chuckle. At least she had Jaida. Jaida put the joint between her lips, lighting the end of it. Gigi watched the top burn away as Jaida deeply inhaled. As she blew out her smoke, Jaida gave Michelle a lazy grin and passed it to her next. Soon Crystal had the joint, taking a hit.

“Blow O’s!” Jaida cackled as Crystal obliged. Gigi fought back a smile. And then Crystal passed her the joint. It fit easily between Gigi’s fingers, but she was confused. All she saw was the back of Crystal’s head. It was turned, looking down at her phone. And then she realized. Crystal wouldn’t look at her. And all Gigi could think was, ‘What have we done to each other?’

Eventually, they finished passing the joints around and followed Jaida through a side door that led to their apartment building entrance. Gigi gave long hugs to Jaida and Michelle on the third-floor landing, not caring that they had blatantly lied to her about Crystal being there. It wasn’t worth it. And maybe this would end up being a good thing. She hoped to god it would.

Crystal didn’t say goodnight, just ran up the stairs and went into her apartment without a word. Gigi didn’t know how that made her feel. Relieved? At least she wouldn’t have to say an awkward goodnight to Crystal. Yes. This was good. No Crystal is a good thing. So why couldn’t Gigi stop thinking about her as she got ready for bed? Why couldn’t she stop replaying everything over and over in her head? Seeing Crystal for the first time since...

Gigi was supposed to be okay without Crystal. She thought she was. She had gotten better in L.A. It didn’t hurt every time she thought about Crystal, just more of a dull ache. Gigi had let herself let go, move on to a life without Crystal. And she was hoping that she could do the same thing in Amsterdam, despite seeing her every day. But it was only day one. And all she could think about was Crystal.

Crystal at the airport, Crystal in the car, Crystal walking along the canals, Crystal passing Gigi the joint, refusing to look at her. Her mind was all just... Crystal. And she just wanted to forget. But that was impossible. Crystal had found a way to burrow into the deepest depths of Gigi’s brain, refusing to leave. Did Gigi really want to let go?

How do you let go of someone when you’ve spent the last year desperately wanting them? When you’ve spent the last year replaying every moment together over and over in your head, wondering what you could’ve done differently, wondering where it all went wrong. How do you let go of someone when for so long, it was the last thing you wanted to do? How do you let go of someone when your heart is screaming at you, begging you not to, no matter how much you know you should?

As Gigi brushed her teeth, she heard Crystal opening her balcony door and stepping out onto it. She peaked out the window and saw her lighting a joint, sitting in one of the chairs. A year ago Gigi would’ve joined her on the balcony in a heartbeat, complaining that Crystal hadn’t invited her in the first place. Now Gigi was just utterly... confused. How do you let go of someone when she’s right there on your shared balcony, and all you want is to just be with her, no matter how much she might hate you?

‘Maybe I should call Hunter. He’ll stop me from doing anything stupid.’ But Hunter was worlds away, and couldn't really do anything to stop Gigi. A part of her knew this was coming. She knew she’d cave eventually and try to talk to Crystal. Why? Why did Crystal have so much power over her, still? And why was Gigi trying not to smile as she heard Crystal coughing outside? Even when things were so different, even though everything had changed, Gigi couldn’t help but admire Crystal, who was now just scrolling on her phone, lazily holding the joint between her fingers. Absolutely wasting bud, if Gigi may add.

Gigi’s feet started moving before her mind could scream at her to stop, going before she was ready. Her hand slowly went to the doorknob,  just hovering there. Was it worth it? Was she going to throw it all away for Crystal? All the tears, all the talking, all the driving, the countless days where she forced herself to get out of bed, knowing she would forget about her someday? All the days where Gigi really had forgotten about her? When she felt like she could finally breathe again? Gigi felt that familiar burning in her chest. And she knew. There’s no way to let go of Crystal Methyd. Not when Gigi swore two summers ago she never would.

LAX

Gigi felt the knot forming in her stomach when she passed the sign that read “LAX 5 MILES AWAY.” Crystal had the same sad smile on her face as Gigi. It was really about to be all over. The summer of competing, crying, laughing, smoking, sneaking into each other's hotel rooms, lingering glances, and shy smiles. Why did it have to end like this? In Hunter’s Jeep, Rosy blasting “ Cruel Summer” by Taylor Swift, all the windows down, letting the music rumble through the speakers and through their chests. Crystal and Gigi’s shoulders pressed together even though there was plenty of room in the backseat.

Why did it have to end at all?

Hunter took the exit, and Gigi started to feel sick. Crystal was supposed to have one of the vans bring her to the airport, but couldn’t refuse a ride with Gigi, Hunter, and Rosy. And Gigi hoped that Crystal accepted the ride because she too, couldn’t stand saying goodbye just yet. Just yet.

It was bittersweet. Of course, Gigi was happy to go home and be with her friends and family, but she couldn’t shake the sense of dread ringing throughout her body.

“You want us to drop you off at the front, Crystal?” Hunter asked.

“I’m gonna go in with her,” Gigi blurted, knowing she couldn’t say goodbye... just yet. Crystal looked at Gigi, beaming. “I don’t think Crystal could drag five suitcases around an airport by herself.”

“Oh sure,” Crystal murmured, nudging Gigi slightly. Crystal didn’t notice Gigi blushing, but Hunter did, sending her a knowing look in the rear-view mirror. Hunter found a parking spot after about ten minutes of looking around.

“It was so nice meeting you, Crystal! I absolutely adore you my fellow Aries,” Rosy said, grabbing Crystal’s hand and giving it a parting squeeze. Gigi caught Hunter’s eye again.

“I’m sure we’ll talk soon, but it was really nice meeting you,” Hunter said.

“Thank you guys so much for giving me a ride, you’re literally the best,” Crystal said. And so she and Gigi dragged the suitcases out of the Jeep before walking into the airport together. It was packed with a lot of people going home after spending their summers in LA. Gigi didn’t dare look at Crystal, scared she would see right through the brave face Gigi was trying to maintain despite the tears threatening to fall. Gigi watched from a distance as Crystal checked in and got her ticket, breathing slightly shallow. She knew what was coming next, she wasn’t stupid, this was always inevitable.

“All checked in!” Crystal tried to sound her usual cheery self, but Gigi could hear the sadness in the back of her voice.

“So this is it...” Gigi said, looking anywhere but Crystal. Crystal grabbed Gigi’s hand.

“I’ll see you soon. I promise,” Crystal said, voice cracking slightly. Gigi chuckled, tears stinging her eyes.

“Don’t cry cause I’ll start crying,” Gigi said, blinking back her tears.

“Geege...” Crystal put her hand on Gigi’s face, her thumb gliding across Gigi’s face. Chills ran down her body.

‘don't go, don't go, don't go’

“You have to go, you have a flight to catch,” Gigi said, composing herself quickly.

“I know, I just-”

“I know.” Gigi looked Crystal in the eye, who had tears streaming down her face. “Believe me, I know.” Crystal threw her arms around Gigi, and Gigi held on. She held on so tight her chest felt hollow. It was inevitable. There was nothing Gigi could say to make Crystal stay, she knew that. But that didn’t stop her from trying.

“You could just stay for the weekend, you know?” Gigi said into the hug. Crystal hugged Gigi tighter.

“I can’t, I gotta get back home to Paul and Tictak,” Crystal whispered.

“Paul?” Gigi asked, though the pessimist in her already knew the answer.

“My boyfriend,” Crystal said. The knot in Gigi’s stomach burst, now feeling empty and gutted, utterly hollow. Of course. Gigi pulled out of the hug.

“Oh. Well, um-”

“He’s just very um- private. He asked me not to talk about him on the show... And then it... just never came up I guess,” Crystal said, sounding slightly guilty. Crystal shouldn’t feel guilty, she owed Gigi nothing. Gigi knew that. She kept repeating it.

“No, I get it. I just uhm-”

“Shit, I’m sorry I got to go through security or I’m gonna miss my flight. I hate goodbyes. I hate that this is happening-”

“It’s okay, Crystal,” Gigi gave Crystal’s hand a final squeeze. “We’re gonna see each other soon, remember?” Gigi said. Crystal’s lip was trembling, she nodded quickly.

“Yeah. I’ll see you soon,” Crystal said. And that was it. Crystal walked away. Gigi couldn’t bear to watch as the person who completely captivated her left to go be with someone else. And Gigi just hoped she could smile long enough, just until Crystal turned back over her shoulder, finally ripping her gaze from Gigi. She waited, a painful smile on her face that made her cheeks ache, waving Crystal goodbye. Goodbye, for now.

Alas, Gigi didn’t bother wiping the tears streaming down her cheeks as she walked back to Hunter’s Jeep.

“Hey!- oh god she’s crying,” Rosy said, getting out of the car to wrap Gigi in a hug. She immediately started crying in Rosy’s arms. Hunter stood, a comforting hand on her shoulder.

“You really like Crystal, don’t you?” he asked gently, which made Gigi hurt even more. She tried to answer, tried to form a sentence, tried to say it’s just a crush or we’re just really good friends but she couldn’t admit that, not yet, so instead she said.

“She has a fucking boyfriend.”

And as Gigi stood in the middle of the LAX parking garage crying in Rosy’s arms, she only thought one thing. ‘I will not let go of you, Crystal Methyd. I will not let go.’

Amsterdam

Gigi’s hand landed on the doorknob, and she knew Crystal heard it. ‘Go before you’re ready bitch,’ She turned the doorknob, and felt the warm summer air on her face. And there Crystal was, looking up at Gigi with a dumbfounded expression. “Hi,” Gigi said softly, smiling at Crystal. She watched her visibly relax, returning the smile.

“Hello,” Crystal grinned, putting down her phone.

“We should probably talk about... everything.”

[jlf23tumble]

My 1D-related fic faves of 2019

I've read a TON of great fic this year in all kinds of fandoms, Jeeeeeeeeeesus, there are so many talented writers out there, but I won't list it all here (or even list everything I bookmarked this year). Instead, I'm gonna stick with 1D-related works released in 2019 that pulled me in hard and made me stare at the wall and/or read again and/or scream about with other people, and I'll try to do it in cutesie number order because WHY NOT make it that extra level of arbitrary, lmao. I love fanfic because no matter what fandom I'm dipping in, something new is gonna jump up and kill me (this year in particular, I've subscribed to a lot of "new to me" writers that I LOVE, and I hope you know who you are [do you know who you are, etc.]). Thank you for the free gifts, for your time, for your blood, sweat, and tears! I owe you hugs, coffee, and my undying love, gratitude, and support! I'll put my list under the cut to avoid some v. v. real screen scroll rage--happy new year, y'all!

2 lactation kink fics

(aka the Jaerie category, nobody else is out there writing this even as Harry's tits get bigger and milkier and why am I the only one fully appreciating all of it?????)

I Think You're Already Home, by jaerie, Seeing Louis Tomlinson today, it would be hard to guess that he was ever once a member of the world's most famous boyband. These days he doesn't even the leave his own house. The truth is he can't leave his own house. (a December gift to remember for all of us! a/b/o dynamics, famous Louis, omega Harry--which is practically canon at this point--crippling agoraphobia, lactation-related sexiness, I would read at least ten (10) more chapters of this)

freaks from the internet, by jaerie. Harry sells his breast milk to freaks on the internet. Louis turns out to be one of those freaks. He also happens to be Harry's ex. (I legit can't believe this came out this year, I rec it all the time! it was anon for forever, and I was low-key obsessed because I just wanted mawrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr of it, and I got it, thank CHRIST)

3 fics for meeeeeeee

(These works were gifts to me, and I am so truly hashtag blessed to receive!!!)

I Just Wanna Taste It, by @homosociallyyours​. In his mind it's watermelon and sticky strawberry sweet, and he craves the feeling of his own round, firm belly warm under his hands on a summer evening. (Megan loves to kill me with Harry mpreg imaginings, and this one feels like canon to me!)

Powerless (and I Don't Care It's Obvious), by objectlesson/ @alienfuckeronmain​. He should not be getting turned on by Harry’s full-bladder discomfort, his little twitches, his hips-stuttering. And yet. (AND YET!!! I don't even know where to start with how much I love Phoenix, what a treasure her work is in ANY fandom, how shitty this particular fandom has been to her, how much I'm gonna miss harry/louis fic gifts from her in the future, how HOT this pee kink fic is in general, dot dot dot)

Tuxedo Classic Dance Party, by Blake/ @newleafover​. Instead of flying out to meet his touring boyfriend in Madrid, Louis sticks around to be responsible and do things like dance at Lady Gaga night at the gay cowboy club in West Hollywood. (Blake has written at least five fics in various fandoms that I would say are my favorite fics of all time, but they really topped themselves with this one!)

4 fic series

(I feel like there are probably loads more that qualify, but these ones grabbed me in their own particular way)

Not That Gone, by abrighteryellow/ @a-brighter-yellow​. Louis’s 20-year high school reunion takes a turn when a celebrity classmate – who also happens to be Louis’s long unrequited crush – unexpectedly shows up. (this was inspired by Chris Evans, and both parts stand on their own, tbh)

Maybe I Miss You, by 13ways. Louis is on his way back to London after the Hits Live Birmingham concert. Harry is flying to New York for the Met Gala. They connect. (from the very first story in this series, I was HOOKED, canon angst that builds up to something truly wonderful)

There's something I want to try..., by TheMagicWord. Harry wants to try something. Louis's not convinced. Until he is. (the installments are super short, super hot)

One More Time Again, by orphan_account. On the morning of his second sold-out performance at Madison Square Garden, Harry wakes up to find that he's sixteen years old, on The X Factor, and that he has a chance to make things right. (I'm sad that this author orphaned, but I seem to recall her getting a TON of shit, which is unfortunate because this is a great read, and part two is an imagining where Louis goes back instead)

5 fics featuring holidays

(These ones are basically from Christmas and Halloween of this year, so quite recent!!)

once bitten and twice shy, by @pinkcords​. In a rush of bravery only senior year can bring, Harry confesses his feelings in a letter to his neighbor and best friend, Louis, only for the entire school to hear it and laugh him out of their small town in Wisconsin. (the notes on this one blew me away: first-time author, pinch-hitting for a fest, and damn, a knock out)

you've set my soul to dreaming, by we_are_the_same. Thirty-year-old Harry Styles goes to bed single on Christmas Eve, only to wake up on Christmas morning with a husband in his bed and a son down the hall. (I'm not always into this trope, but when it's done well? NICE, and this one did it well)

when half spent was the night, by @juliusschmidt​. I’ve skimmed your website and am interested in hiring you to be my doula. I’m 7 ½ months pregnant and not keen to do this whole labor and birth thing alone. After looking around, I thought you might be a good fit. (girl direction advent fic with pregnant Louis that’s incredibly well done, especially given how short it is, I was so sad to see it end, but the author says something about act II coming??? YES!!!)

Fictober 2019 Collection, by flowercrownfemme/ @lesbianiconharrystyles​. Features lots of monsters and creatures and Harry Styles being a general nightmare as well as a few Girl Direction drabbles and a timestamp for Fool For You and one for Treat Mothman With Kindness. (Chloe's Halloween drabbles, each of which could outrival other stories 4x the length...she's a GIFT)

Cat & Mouse, by jaerie. It's the one day out of the year that Harry doesn't have to hide and can be himself — at least he thought so. Louis is just a little more observant than he anticipated. (I'm not a big hybrid fic fan, BUT GOD THIS STORY IS SO GOOD, it's so short I wanna cry, but so good!!!)

6 a/b/o fics

(I can handle "traditional" a/b/o if it gives me my dose of omega Harry, but I absolutely adore "untraditional" a/b/o, you know, where it actually is NOT about straight dynamics being put on a m/m or f/f couple (excuse me, a/a or o/o)...these ones NAIL IT, as did the entire gaybo ficfest)

violence of my own touch, by 14hrflight/ @silverfoxlouis​. Louis hasn’t said anything, but Harry knows something is wrong. Harry’s rut had ended a few days ago, and Louis had kept him under as best as he could. (whenever I read Chi's alpha/alpha fics, I find myself internally screaming "CHI!!!" god, do they Get It, and I really hope they continue this one!)

Amor Victorious, by HappyPrincess/ @pattern-pals​. Louis finds himself following Harry on a journey through Italy, complete with long train rides, greasy food, naked Christs, and too many lingering touches. They're definitely not like other tourists and he definitely doesn't have a crush on his best friend who happens to be an alpha, too. (this one came out during Thanksgiving week, so I held it to savor, and BOY, DID I SAVOR, it's so incredible, the gorgeous writing, the visceral, indescribable feeling of reading it, sighhhhhhh)

do you know me by heart, by HappyPrincess/ @pattern-pals​. Harry comes back wearing alphas' scents, a pleased smile and a lace dress. Somehow, Louis still ends up making him come until he cries. (for me personally, 2019 was the year of Nina: getting to know them, catching up on all their writing, falling in love with the way they can kill us all with beautiful angst and the hint and hope of redemption...here's a tissue, you'll need it!!)

the way that you're thrilling me, by @hereforlou​. Alphas were smelly and cocky and mostly arseholes, in Harry’s experience. Or at least they were at school. He didn’t understand how his friends—lovely, soft-skinned, sweet-smelling omegas—could actually want to touch them, or be touched by them. (this is just one of the many, MANY faves I had from the gaybo ficfest, A+ all around)

Constant Debauchery, by Blake/ @newleafover​. Harry is an alpha who loves getting his mouth knotted by other alphas. Louis is happy to serve. Fun smut! But also angst and sexual awakenings. (Blake knows how to sum up their writing, lol, but YEAH, me as at least one of the comments both public and private saying they'd want to read 100k more of this)

how many nights did I crash against the waves, by Blake/ @newleafover​ Louis is going into heat and Harry thinks it's hot. (the SKILL of writing something that's 1.7k, yet builds a complete--and v. v. hot--world)

7 fics with Harry and someone else

(I still have a few I need to read in this category--I'm getting there! But these are some from my fave authors that really had me pondering some walls [heh])

I Want Your Belly, by @glasscushion​. Harry wants Adam to knock him up. Inspired by on-stage thirst, the Instagram Stories Shirt, Watermelon Sugar, and Harry’s persistent baby fever. (Adam/Harry, mpreg kink of the finest order!!)

Rachel, Nevada, by @vondrostes​. Harry has a close sexual encounter of the fourth kind. (Jeff/Harry, Rachel/Harry, and I honestly can't even BEGIN to describe this, holy WOW)

Sea Salt, by @glasscushion​. Nick's drunk, and he can't avoid his feelings forever. Set in 2013 and 2019. (Nick/Harry, rip gryles...the grylers I know had an absolute field day in terms of angst, damn!)

all my lies are safe beside you now, by HappyPrincess/ @pattern-pals​. They both know what it was like to love Louis Tomlinson fiercely, irrevocably, ghosts of it on their skin, even if the traces were etched in vastly different ways. (Zayn/Harry, and FOR REAL, this is a huge ouch)

call me anything you like, but my name is, by @wishforwishes​. Some conversations are better left forgotten, some conversations are worth remembering, and some conversations you never get the chance to have. Featuring three mentors, two tea parties, one and a half recording studios, and a reference to Archie comics. (Harry/CHASM, essentially; LISTEN, I am obsessed with this fic, you don't need to read part one to really Get It, but the bits with Zayn, and James/Ben, and all the parts with Harry working through gender? SO GODDAMNED REAL)

Come Out and Play, by @dinosaursmate​. Harry and Louis discover a new kink in their relationship, and it brings all the boys closer than they could have ever imagined. (ot5 orgy, so not really Harry with anyone so much as everyone with everyone, and let's call this one canon)

Like a Rolling Stone, by @vondrostes​. By the end of it, Nick realised his tea had gone cold in his hand. He’d barely taken a single sip in the hour-plus he’d been sat there, unmoving, transfixed by Harry’s songs—haunted by the knowledge of what had inspired them. (Nick/Harry, rip gryles)

8 canon fics

(This was a VERY hard category to narrow down, but yeah, a big push this year from "newer" writers = lots of nuanced fic)

Per Aspera, by @sedfierisentio​. Louis’s throat feels tight, his heart like a hammer in his chest. You know my rot, he thinks, and I know yours. I love you still. (these achingly beautiful time stamps are centered around taste, and if this fic has taught me anything, it's that buying an author a coffee has a ripple effect)

A Nullo Amato, by @sedfierisentio​. Inspired by Harry carrying books around outside LAX, a canon-compliant, Canon AU fic set between 2014 and 2015; mostly, timestamps roped together by a common theme—literature. (this was removed four years ago and reposted, so maybe it's a cheat??? i don't care, it was brand-new to me and a lot of other people, I'm so glad the author shared it again!)

no love like your love, by @dykes4louis​. A collection of tumblr drabbles. (Hima is REALLY burying the lede on this one because each of these is short and SCORCHING, her skill, check out her other works, too!)

Dancing in My Dreams, by @kingsofeverything​. Louis doesn't mean to imply that Harry's too old to dance for him, but Harry takes it that way, and sets out to prove him wrong. (this is one that *could* go in the series pile, but I love it as a standalone...feels like canon to me, regardless!)

Sonic Sounds, by @glasscushion​. "Harry takes a deep breath, suitably embarrassed, “I’m just really...” and he can’t say the obvious. He can’t just say "really wet." Or Harry loves feeling embarrassed. Louis is happy to help. (I'll never look at those One Direction electric toothbrushes quite the same way again)

Bruised Fruit, by @glasscushion. Louis is obsessed with the way Harry smells in the heat of LA. (hey, you know what, me, too, bitch, you ain't special...the way this fic SMELLS, my god, I"m obsessed)

be my once in a lifetime, by HappyPrincess/ @pattern-pals. Just like there are only four other people who will ever understand what it’s like growing up in One Direction, there’s only one other person who knows what it’s like to find your soulmate just before you’re thrown into the spotlight and forced to acknowledge that the both of you have too many flaws and vices to make it through fame together. Or: It's all about having sex and being sad. And drunk. (can u believe Nina wrote this before Fine Line???)

in this dress, by cabinbythesea. Louis is so lost in his eyes and his words he feels if a step above heaven exists, it has to be Harry. Loosely inspired by Harry’s dress from the director’s cut of Lights Up. (I sure hope we see even more fic inspired by every bit of this album/every video it produces)

9 fics by Phoenix/ @alienfuckeronmain

(This fandom doesn't deserve her, and I hope everyone's reading her other works because they're all so amazing, she's such an incredibly gifted writer, my fave of faves, my life is so much brighter with her in it...I could rec her all goddamned day, and I do slash will!!! Here are nine she cranked out this year, each one a gem in its own way)

Silver White Winters. In which Louis catches a cloud and pins it down, aka, a Sound of Music AU (the shittiness in the comments underlines why we can't have nice things, but jesus CHRIST, this is so pure and good, and she cranked it out in, like, two hours)

I don't do that dance. Harry is easily the worst ballet dancer in her whole Intro to Ballet class. Except maybe Taylor Swift. (I adore how Phoenix writes girl Harry, but the way she writes Taylor? Unparalleled...nails her perfectly!)

magic, madness, heaven, sin, by @kerasines. It’s the flashing lights painting colors on her eyelids, it’s the drumming bass competing with her heartbeat. It’s the manic energy rippling through the crowd in waves, the deafening, frenzied passion filling the stadium that remind Eleanor that she actually used to like going to concerts. (technically, this one is FOR Phoenix, from Kim, but it takes a pairing that Phoenix is making her very own, so I'm counting it, lol)

Snakes and Stones. If you call a girl a snake enough, sometimes she becomes one. Her legs lengthen and fuse, her pupils shrink to slits. She gets colder and colder, until she has to spread herself on the warm cement beside the pool, soaking in heat, sipping gin and tonics to warm her blood so she does not turn to ice and shatter to bits. (god, I'm blanking on this ship name, but El/Taylor is such an inspired pairing, and I hope that P's drabbles make it over to ao3 in full)

Something good (will come from here). Taylor does not answer, because she is too busy licking her lips and pitching forward, as if Eleanor is the sky, or the sea. (you can practically SMELL this fic, El/Taylor drabble)

I Must Confess (I Still Believe). Harry is the new girl at an all girl Catholic Girl's School, and Louis is the unattainable, dashing senior who changes her forever. (this fic breaks my heart, the entire experience of its production and aftermath will forever be bittersweet, a gorgeous swansong)

Only One at the Finish Line. “I want to be another alpha’s omega,” is what he says, and it comes out like something reckless, something wild. Like he doesn't care anymore if Louis hates him or not, if Louis understands, he just needs to speak his truth aloud to darkness, to the slender pines that surround them like a jury panel. (Phoenix was the gaybo mod, and this was her contribution, and it is PERFECTION PERSONIFIED, fest goals)

The Pink Ghost of Princess Park. The thought of the vibrator does not go away. It’s sitting there collecting dust all through January, and every time Harry and Louis have to leave town for a press event or a show or to record or what have you, they come back home, and it’s still there, the Pink Ghost of Princess Park, the fucking glittery haunting that Harry cannot stop thinking of Louis stuffing up his arse. (a very good year in general for Princess Park clapbacks)

Life Saver. Louis is a sweetheart punk with a theater background and a heart of gold, Harry is an inexperienced nerd who plays by the rules. Classmates, lab partners, and eventually friends, what happens when Louis knows he’s in love, but doesn’t know how tell Harry? (this one came out a year ago tomorrow, and it had a tough birthing process, but it's so good, so hot, my love for virgin Harry gettin’ it on knows no bounds)

10 AU fics

(yes, yes, this could be LOADS longer, but I’m sticking to my theme!)

breathless for an eternity, by cabinbythesea. Harry conquers double duty on SNL and Louis wishes he was Nick Jonas. (dangggg, this came out too late for me to rec it along with my other snl-related fic, but it joins that lofty canon!)

Pretty Baby, by @littlelouishiccups. Louis helps Harry unwind after a busy week. (I was NOT expecting a new chapter in the iconic sugar baby Harry series, but HERE WE ARE)

into another (another) serotonin overflow, by @mercutionotromeo. Sweet first time sex wherein Harry's adorably awkward, Louis is achingly cool, and Harry rides Louis wearing his jersey. (this is one of my all-time fave fics, and I'm not sure what changed in it to get it reposted, but yeah, HERE FOR IT, THANK YOU!!!)

'Sup, by @mediawhorefics. All Louis wants is to finish the play he’s been commissioned to write, but one of the regulars at his local coffee shop keeps distracting him. ft. older larry, pushy gemma, harry being a disaster gay and silver fox louis. (this is so short but so tantalizing, GOD, DO I WANT MORE OF THIS UNIVERSE)

Tan Lines and Some Memories, by twoshipstiedup. Harry Styles is the indie movie darling he’d been avoiding ever since Louis saw his movie at Cannes and harbored an unreasonable grudge against him. A unicorn t-shirt finally brings them together in person. (I honestly thought we'd get more unicorn shirt fic, but this is a wonderful standard-bearer, banter city)

Bitter Tangerine, by purpledaisy/ @daisyharry. Nine months after they break up, a twist of fate brings Harry and Louis back together at Christmas. (so much ouch in this, but wow, do you feel like you're reading fully realized, realistic, growing characters)

We're Driving in Your Fast Car, by @sadaveniren. Harry felt himself light up - both with excitement and the thrill of getting what he wanted. “Really?” “Of course, anything for you." aka Louis and Harry are car thieves about to pull off a million dollar job. (another one I'd love to read more of...how did they get here, where are they going, etc.)

remember you well, by @fondleeds. Harry’s a criminal, Louis’ a cop, and they’re stranded overnight at the Motel 6. (what's with me and my love of heist/caper fics this year?)

Tied Down, by HamPalpert/ @ham-palpert. The most interesting case in Liam and Niall's careers falls directly into their laps, courtesy of an epic fuck-up of one Harry Styles, partner to the almost-infamous drug dealer Louis Tomlinson. The investigation yields an unexpected yet satisfactory outcome for Liam and Niall. For Harry and Louis, however, things are far more complicated. (SEE ABOVE, JESUS, I THINK ABOUT THIS FIC...ALL...THE.......TIME)

Harry Styles Cooks..., by sunsetmog. Louis owns all of Harry Styles’ cookbooks, and he never intends to cook a single thing out of any of them. (yeah, it's a wip, yeah, I flatline every time it updates, what of it, I'm living my best life vicariously through it!!)

[cosmicbash]

@friendshipfisting requested some grumpy Em at the beach while chatting and I got a little bit carried away writing dorky fluff so-

You lucky heathens are getting a huge prompt drop. Hope you enjoy~

(This is long enough I could post it to ao3 if someone wants to come up with a title ahah)

--

Marshall hated beaches. He always had, they were just always so overcrowded whenever he tried going. And huge clusters of people did nothing but stress him out, even before he got famous and all those claustrophobic fears of a crowd closing in on him suddenly became a reality.

When he was younger and getting absolutely trashed everyday it was easier to deal with. The combination of pills and booze kept him mellow enough that he could even throw himself into a crowd at his own concerts. Helped build up somewhat of a tolerance for whenever he got up on stage.

Outside of performing however? They were still an absolute nightmare that made his stomach twist up into knots. A brief pass through, and maybe a few stops to meet and greet fans he could handle. But actively plopping himself into the hot sandy clusterfuck known as a public beach? That was the furthest thing from fun or relaxing that he could think of. 

Luckily living in the middle of Detroit meant he was mostly free of dealing with said landscape.

So why in the hell was he struggling to get comfortable on some stiff itchy wooden beach chair, with the ocean loudly looming not very far away?

"The wave's are freaking perfect today-" Colson was beaming a smile at him, almost as blinding as the sun resting behind his pretty wet head. The lighting ironically formed a halo around the self proclaimed rap devil. It made Marshall want to snort. "You should seriously come in."

"I'm perfectly fine right here." Under the safety of his umbrella, above the hazardous hot sand. And most importantly far away from the heavy crashing waves. 

Swimming wasn't his best skill either, afterall there was not much need to swim when you avoided the beach. Sure he could wade in a pool and float on his back if needed, but moving, rushing water was a completely different ballgame.

"You're such a drag," Colson's eyes rolled, long legs kicking up sand while he crossed the distance between them. He was still dripping water all over the place, stray droplets splashing onto Marshall's legs when he loomed ever closer to the chair.

Reflexively the older man tucked his notebook away in the nearby bag, knees pulling up so he could resituate himself. Legs crossing indian style to give the brat a place to sit. 

Marshall couldn't care less about being a "drag", he'd been very vocal about his displeasure with the whole idea of wasting a day at the beach. For once he'd taken over the role of bitchy pushover. Spending most of the night before and morning of their trip muttering under his breath, listing all the reasons why it was such a stupid idea. But still going through with the process of booking and reserving a secluded spot for them on some remote beach.

The only reason he'd put up with it at all was for the younger rapper's sake, something which he hoped Colson could actually learn to appreciate. It wasn't common for him to concede like this, but it was only fair. "You enjoying choking on salt water and burning your skin?"

The tall blonde dropped down with a hard plop, legs bouncing to disturb more sand while the beach chair creaked. The bitter question didn't seem to phase his good mood one bit. "Yupp! Loving it. I've missed the beach, I was starting to look like a ghost."

More water splattered against Marshall's ankles, had his skin twitching. "One more big wave like earlier and you might be one-" The brunette was thankful he had shades on, just recalling the moment only a half hour prior when a huge wave had suddenly crashed down and disappeared his partner made his face curl up. It had been a genuinely terrifying minute of watching and waiting for Colson's soaked head to reappear above the water. One that nearly had him leaving his tiny sanctuary to pound down the length of sand separating him from the water. 

Thankfully the younger rapper had resurfaced, farther out then when he'd been hit. Laughter visible even from his distance with the hard shake of the boys shoulders and wide smile. 

"What? That was nothing, you should've seen how big some of the waves over in the Bahama's could get. Now those, those could totally sweep you out to sea."

Clicking his tongue Marshall gave a swift nod, fingers prying open their small cooler to dig out a cold bottle of water. "I'll take your word for it." The last thing he needed was for the kid to get a Bahama's vacation plan into his head. 

Colson sighed dramatically, upper body dropping down to drape over the older man's lap. Inciting a string of curses and half hearted shoves from how the action left water soaking through his shorts. "A little bit of sun and water isn't gonna kill you old man, you look ridiculous all bundled up here in your shirt and hat. Like some horrible undercover pap who's hiding a camera in his beach bag."

The observation was accompanied by a soft laugh and long fingers tugging at the collar of his shirt, trailing up along his jaw to flick his hat.

Marshall's teeth set in a line. "What, you want me stripped down streaking across the beach? Tattoos and dick free for an actual reporter to see?"

The chance of some paparazzo being nearby was slim to none, they both knew that. Marshall had gone out of his way to rent the accompanying two beaches on either side despite the small cliffs between them. There was noone other than their own mix of security teams for miles. The only chance someone was getting a shot of either of them was with a drone.

In theory Marshall could strip down and dance about the beach all he wanted, grab Colson by his skinny waist and fuck him down into the sand until he was choking on a seashell. He was fully confident in his team.

That didn't mean any of that sounded remotely tempting however.

"Maybe not running across the beach," Colson snickered body twisting until he was lying with the back of his head against the older man's crotch. Arms curled up over his head so he could lightly grip onto his sides and stretch the rest of his body out. "A slow sensual walk towards the water sounds a lot better. Would give me something really great to look at."

The harsh tug on wet blonde locks barely elicited a reaction. "If your hoping for a full moon tonight you're gonna be disappointed. News called for clouds-" It was easier to deflect from the brats flirting then reward him with a proper response.

"With how your pants sag I'm guaranteed at least a half moon before sundown." This time Marshall was the one sighing, head shaking while he rubbed his temples. Colson of course looked beyond pleased with his joke, damp hands rubbing up over the front of his shirt to lightly massage his shoulders. "Unless your planning on dressing correctly for once while we walk the shoreline."

"Who said anything about walking along the shoreline? When did I agree to that?"

"What, we're gonna have a beach date and not enjoy the sunset together? It's no wonder you've been divorced twice." The light teasing had Marshall snorting despite himself. Palm pushing his sunglasses up off his face and much to his partner's delight knocking away his sunhat.

"Actually I let Kim's other boyfriends worry about the mushy shit like that, last time I went to a beach with her she left me passed out along the shoreline while the tide was rising." The memory had him chuckling quietly to himself while his gaze trailed along with white shoreline. "Fucking bitch almost let me drown all because I snorted her share of coke."

"Jesus-" Colson's lips burst apart in a laugh. Palms leaving the older rapper's shoulders to cup his neck instead. "Hope she at least cleaned your pockets out before she left-"

The suggestion had Marshall's gaze dropping back down, lips quirking up into a smirk while his fingers raked through Colson's knotted hair. "You'd think so right? Damn bitch swiped my wallet and forgot the motel's key card. Came back to wake my half submerged ass up and bitch how hard of a time I was giving her- like- fuck me for not reminding her it was in my back pocket while I was drowning!"

The outburst had them both laughing finally, Colson's boisterous and expressive was Marshall's was quieter and reserved to a soft shake of his shoulders. A few years ago the same story might've dragged up residual hurt feelings. Colson's soft fingers tickling his throat and heavy body helped keep them away.

"I'll keep that in mind in case I wanna drown your ass sometime soon."

"Probably already have it planned out, why your so eager to get me walking along the shore."

This time when Colson snorted it was followed up with a firm pull. "Fuck, ya caught me-" Large hands curling around the back of his neck to pull him down for an upside down kiss. It was interrupted by panted breaths and light shakes of the younger rapper's head but the action soothed his mood nonetheless.

Colson's mouth was warm against his own and tasted like salty sea water. Marshall even swore he could feel the scratch of sand against his chin but continued to kiss back anyway. The moment was pleasant, helped ease what little stress he had left in his temples.

The broke apart when his back started to ache, fingers tugging softly at the tangled blonde locks until they separated. "If I walk you along the shore like some cheesy hallmark movie can we skip the whole lovey dovey sunset gazing bullshit?"

Colson mock gasped. "And ruin my proposal I had planned?"

Leaning back Marshall moved to uncross his legs, forcing his behemoth of a partner to sit up himself. "If it's another collab idea dragging me out into this ridiculous sun and pesty sand was the worst way to soften me up-"

"Actually I was gonna propose we try fucking out in the ocean. Was hoping the whole weightless thing with the water meant you could hold me up while we fucked." The sleazy wink had Marshall shooting Colson a worried look. It was hard to tell how serious the brat was being. It sounded just like the kind of stupid thing he would actually plan.

"That's one way to break the news to the media," The brunette couldn't help but shake his head and laugh while he climbed back up onto his feet. Hand catching the wide umbrella so he wouldn't knock it over. "Rap God Eminem and rival MGK found naked adrift at sea together. Nude!"

For what felt like the millionth time that day Colson cackled, long neck stretching out while he threw his head back. "We- haha- We don't both have to be naked! Why would you take your shorts off too? You actually wanna skinny dip with me?"

"God no. I don't think I'd ever get the sand out of my ass. Fuck I've been sitting down this whole time and there's some inside my thighs." 

Colson was less graceful when he stood up, full on jostling the umbrella with his head. Fingers curling around the older rapper's abandoned hat to slap it back ontop of his head. "That's half the fun of going to the beach. Getting sand in all kinds of-"Their eyes met in a brief flirty gaze. "Uncomfortable places."

The wink that followed was all the encouragement Marshall needed to start walking towards the beach. Eyes rolling so hard he thought they might get stuck in the back of his head. The sooner they got down to the shore the sooner he could get back to comfort of a nice soft hotel bed.

And promptly screw the blondes brains out.

[killerqueenmachine]

Yoü and I - Roger Taylor x Reader

Pairing: Roger Taylor (Late 1970's) x Reader Words: 4927 (including song lyrics)

Prompt: Lady Gaga's song "Yoü and I"

Summary:  There's something about the chase - six whole years. After a brutal heartbreak six years ago you're finally eye to eye with your long lost love. Something about just knowing when it's right - I'd rather die, without you and I.

Warnings: Slightly angsty beginning, smoking, alcohol, fluff, a bunch of swearing, SMUT; fem!dom (blink and you'll miss it), fingering, unprotected sex, breeding kink, choking. Almost on the edge of being sappy.. Wow.   Note: The lyrics for the song is written in italics. I'm imagining this fic is going on in the late late 70's. This was supposed to be short and sweet but… I've never learned to stop and I was born with a very prominent 'too-much' gene. #notevensorryaboutit __________________

It's been a long time since I came around

Been a long time but I'm back in town

And this time I'm not leaving without you

"Have you heard Queen is coming to town?"

You glanced up at your friend, who was standing right in front of you. She knew very well how you felt about Queen. That particular band - or more precisely - the drummer from that particular band had you so whipped you felt like your life had been on standby the past six years. What was meant to be an innocent summer flirt turned into the biggest heartbreak you had ever had - and it was all your fault.

"Queen…" you repeated, voice barely louder than a whisper. Slowly you shifted your eyes back to the newspaper in front of you. Out of the corner of your eye you could see her smirk. She knew exactly what was going on in your mind. You had to see him. You needed him like you needed oxygen and even if he didn't feel the same way anymore, at least you could finally get closure.

When you met Roger six years ago, the two of you instantly hit it off. He was the exact type of guy you had been looking for. Intelligent, talented and slightly crazy. All you wanted was a quick shag and he made it very clear that it would be a one-time deal. None of you managed to keep those promises and your one-night stand turned into a date and then another date and then a vacation together. He didn't have a lot of money, but your family did and even though you wanted that to be a secret, you really wanted a nice get away with him. You flew to Nebraska to stay in your aunt's cottage. She had a wonderful little place in a quiet forest somewhere deep in Nebraska. For a whole week it was just you, Roger and an unhealthy amount of alcohol and cigarettes. And condoms.

Even though the two of you never officially called yourself a couple everyone around you saw you as one. To you he was Nebraska and to him you were New York or NY, occasionally even just 'baby doll'.

The honeymoon phase of your 'relationship' ended once you got back to London and Roger found out that Queen was going on a tour in America. There was no way you could join them - not even Freddie's girlfriend Mary or John's fiancée Veronica got to join them. That quickly became the end of your love story. Forced apart, both broken hearted. Or so you thought. Barely a week after Queen had left the UK all the papers were filled with Roger's promiscuous life and how he had one woman after the other slung across his lap.

"Hello? Are you in there?" Your friend lightly knocked you on the top of your head.

"Uh, yeah.. Sorry just going through some.. Memories" you shrugged.

"Thought so. Do you wanna go see them?... See him?" she asked quietly before handing you another cup of tea.

"I suppose" your voice was cold and hard, which was very unlike you. But you needed to see him.

A few weeks later the day was upon you. Queen was in town and you were mentally preparing to either get your man back or get your heart broken once and for all. You were there early with your friend which luckily resulted in you getting to the very front. Front and on the right. The concert was amazing - of course it was. Those four men were the most talented people you had ever known and seeing all of them again made you so happy. You had forgotten how good they made you feel - just seeing them have fun on stage was enough to knock the air out of you. At one point you got eye contact with Brian who quickly recognized you and flashed a toothy smile in your direction.

As the band prepared to perform their song "'39" all of them - including Roger - moved to the front of the stage. On his way down from the drum rises, Brian grabbed on to his arm and said something in his ear, which made him look in your direction - you could only imagine, that Brian had made him aware of your presence. Finally, his eyes caught yours and you could feel your cheeks redden. His jaw almost dropped, and he seemed to forget where he was and where he was going, which Brian quickly reminded him of.

As soon as the concert ended you saw Roger run off stage and before you even had the opportunity to move away with the crowd, a security-person came and asked you to stay back, "Roger Taylor's order". You bid your friend goodbye, even though she had offered to stay. Whatever was about to happen, needed to be between you and Roger.

You taste like whiskey when you kiss me, oh

I'd give anything again to be your baby doll

This time I'm not leaving without you

Once the whole crowd had faded out, the fence was pushed apart allowing you to enter the stage area. The security person followed you back stage where you saw Brian as the first person. A light gleam of sweat covered his skin and his white button up was opened all the way down. He was the actual definition of eye candy.

"(Y/N).. Wow. It's been so long - nice to see you!" he exclaimed and pulled you in for a sweaty hug. You laughed and wrapped your arms around him, squeezing him tight. If everything with Roger went wrong today, this might be the last chance you had to do this. The hug broke apart, but Brian let his right hand rest on your shoulder as you broke apart.

"Haven't seen you in like.."

"Six years.." you finished his sentence, feeling your heart get heavy again.

He pulled you in for another hug and gently rubbed your upper back.

"Roger is waiting for you. He's in the dressing room with Freddie right now, but he'll come out once he's do-"

Just as Brian was about to tell you, Roger opened the door to the dressing room. He looked like a prince. His hair wasn't as long as it was the last time you had seen him, but he looked so handsome. Once his eyes finally met yours again nothing else mattered. Fireworks went off in your stomach and your knees went weak. He was right there.

"Roger.." his name came out as almost a plea. A soft smile tugged on the corner of his lip as he made his way over to you.

"I missed you so much" he said, barely louder than a whisper as he swept you into a tight hug.

Your feet touched, as did your knees, thighs, hips, stomachs, chests and faces. The hug couldn't be tighter even if you tried and the possibility of the two of you falling over was horrifyingly big, but none of you cared.

You stood in silence for multiple minutes while the world just continued on around you. Roger had one arm wrapped tightly around your waist and the other one around your upper torso with his hand placed on your neck. Both your arms were slung around his neck pulling his head into your neck and you felt his steady breath blow against your collarbone, before he shyly pressed his lips against the skin on your collarbone.

"Nebraska" you whined feeling tears threaten to spill from your eyes.

It wasn't on purpose, that you had used his old nickname but in the heat of this very quiet and intimate moment you almost forgot that you had been apart for six years. You felt him chuckle against your skin and for the first time in a long time your hug broke apart.

"Do you want to go out for a drink maybe?" he asked softly. Something about those six years seemed to have made him softer than you could've ever imagined, but that might just have been because he was just as overwhelmed as you were.

"Could we maybe go to my place for a drink instead? I really just want to be alone with you" you admitted, looking up at him through your eyelashes. He flashed you a smile and nodded, grabbing your hand and pulling you into his chest.

"I'll just make sure that everything is packed up and inform the guys that I'm leaving"

You nodded and ghosted your lips over his, barely touching them yet still getting the faint taste of whisky and cigarettes. He gave your hand a slight squeeze before he let you go and turned around to check up on everything.

You say sit back down where you belong

In the corner of my bar with your high heels on

Sit back down on the couch where we made love the first time

And you said to me

Less than an hour later the two of you walked through the door of your flat. Roger toed off his shoes as you locked the door and turned around to take of your stilettoes.

"Don't" he said and grabbed onto your arm. You put your foot back down and shot him a questioning look.

"I like the way they look on you" he admitted and smirked at you.

You just laughed and shook your head. If all you had to do to keep him happy was to keep your stilettoes on you would do it in a heartbeat. Your hand ran up his back as you walked past him and into your living room that had a small bar up against one of the walls. He swiftly followed you and as you sat down on one of the bar chairs, Roger went behind the bar and pulled up two glasses pouring both of you an old-fashioned whiskey, complete with ice cubes, orange twist and cocktail cherries.

"I still regret it sometimes, you know" he said, taking a fair swig of the liquid.

"Regret it?"

"The tour"

"Nebra- Roger.. You shouldn't" you didn't know what to call him. Every fibre in your body wanted to call him Nebraska. Pretend that the past six years had been a bad dream and that nothing between you had changed. All you wanted to do was to jump his bones and have another of those magical nights that you had shared in the past.

"You can call me Nebraska, you know that baby doll" he smirked, walking around the bar. He placed his free hand on your knee, pushing them apart and standing between them. His hand went from your knee all the way up your thigh before he snaked it around your hip, firmly pulling you close to him.

"I can't help but imagine what would've happened to us, if I hadn't left you. If you could've been there with me." He said, drawing small patterns on your butt with his thumb.

"We would probably be married and at the rate we were going at it, we would probably have a few kids as well" you joked, taking another sip of your whiskey.

"Don't even say that" he hissed through gritted teeth.

"We both know it's true though" you stated once again.

"Don't…" he almost begged. This really seemed to hit a soft spot in him.

"I.. I know. But look how everything worked out for you even-" He slammed his drink on the top of the bar and firmly cupped your face before crashing his lips onto yours. His fast movements took you by surprise but a quick second later you closed your eyes and melted into his touch, kissing him back with the same intensity.

He gently bit your lower lip as the kiss broke and once you opened your eyes again, a slight chuckle left your now swollen lips.

"You got a bit of my lipstick on your face there" you laughed, tracing your thumb across his red tinted bottom lip.

You downed the rest of your whiskey and just as you swallowed, Roger took your now empty glass and placed it on the table before lifting you off your chair. Instinctively you wrapped your legs arounds his waist and your arms around his neck. Both his hands rested on your ass as he walked across the floor and threw you onto your old brown leather couch.

Something about this place,

Something 'bout lonely nights

And my lipstick on your face

Something, something about my cool Nebraska guy

Yeah, there's something about, baby, you and I

You were laying on the couch while Roger stood by your side with his gaze locked on you. His blue eyes had darkened, as had the whole feel of the room. Pure passion and need seemed to beam out of his eyes. He towered over you, while slowly unbuttoning his shirt. You finally kicked off your shoes and once Roger had finally rid himself of his shirt, you reached out your arm and made a slow 'come-hither' movement at him.

"I've.. Missed this" he softly spoke. His voice was way softer than you had imagined it would be at this point.

He sat down on the edge of the couch and you scooted over and sat up to make space for him. He slid back and rested his back against the back of the couch, and you moved back over to learn your head on his shoulder.

"You know.. I missed you too. But all those stories made it seem like you had gotten well over me" You said, pressing a soft kiss to his shoulder leaving yet another soft mark of your lipstick on his skin.

"Stories?"

"Uh.. Yeah. You were kinda all over the newspapers with all your uh.. Promiscuous adventures.. As soon as you had left to go to America" you sighed, reliving the utter heartbreak you had gone through, seeing all those pictures back then.

"I didn't.. Know that those stories made it ov-"

"Oh they did. I saw the pictures"

"Oh.. Listen, I just needed a fast way to get over you and it was so easy to pick up women and I-"

"Don't.. I don't need any excuses anymore. You're here now and that's all that matters."

You quickly rid yourself of your shirt, leaving you in your skirt and bra. While leaving a trail of wet kisses on Rogers bicep and neck your slowly crawled onto his lap, softly grinding against his crotch. The lipstick marks that you had left on his skin, fired you up even more. He was finally marked as yours again. Needy whimpers left his lips as you grinded down on him a little harder.

"You like that baby?" you purred against his ear, still grinding against him. At this very moment he was at your mercy - a thing that rarely happened. He nodded quickly, moving his hands up your thighs to grab onto your hips, steading you against him.

"Mmmh, keep making those pretty little noises for me" you said with a smirk. Your voice was sultry and sensual, which clearly had a strong effect on the blonde man underneath you. You grabbed his chin with your thumb and index finger and tilted his head up, so your eyes met. You had never seen him so needy and flustered before. You ghosted your lips over his before moving your hands down his bare chest and unbuttoned his trousers.

"Don't be a tease" he warned with a fragile voice, tightening his grip on your hips. You flashed him a playful smirk before getting out of his grip and sliding off his lap. He whimpered at the loss of contact, reaching his arms out to pull you back but you managed to back away just enough to be out of his reach.

"Can you take your trousers off for me, baby?" you purred reaching underneath your skirt and pulled of your panties, waving them in front of his face before leaning down and shoving them in the front pocket of his trouser. It didn't take him more than a few seconds to fly up from the soft couch and quickly pull his trousers down, before mindlessly kicking them off.

"Oh, you've started wearing underwear? Since when?" you laughed, softly tracing a fingertip over the black fabric that covered his visible boner.

He shook his head with a light laughter, grabbing your wrists to pull you close to him again.

"I missed this so much. No one has ever made me feel the way you do" he admitted, pressing a soft kiss to your collarbone before reaching his hands around your back and unclasped your bra, pulling it down your shoulders and throwing it away.

You were both a sight for sore eyes. Almost shivering with need and anticipation, you in only your skirt and Roger in only his briefs. You laced your fingers with his, pulling him in for a kiss where neither of you touched each other’s faces. Even though it had been six years since you had seen each other, everything felt natural between you. Like it was meant to be.

"How do I make you feel, baby?" you whispered against his lips. You felt him smirk before you pulled away, gently tugging him along with you, moving to your bedroom. He followed along, silently at first, but once you squeezed his hand, egging him to answer your question, he finally spilled his guts.

"Like… Like home. You make me feel like time is standing still and…" he started as the two of you entered your bedroom. He swiftly pulled you close to him again, slamming your chests together.

"You make me feel like life has a purpose and" he sighed softly before continuing.

"I know you've read the stories about me and even though I've been with a lot of women, you're the only one that have had the ability to make me feel loved. Truly loved." he pressed a soft kiss to your nose.

"And truth be told" he said before shaking his head with a smile plastered to his lips.

"I haven't been looking for someone who loved me - or someone I could love. It's always been you and I hoped and prayed that you would be here for me once I finally grew up and realized what I had with you. You always were my baby doll"

You felt the tears prick in your eyes. With every word he said you felt yourself falling harder and harder.

"I still love you, Nebraska. I'll give anything to be your baby doll again" you said with a shaky voice.

"Let me show you just how much I love you, baby doll" his voice was raspy and strained.

Something about the chase

Six whole years

I'm a New York woman born to run you down

Still want my lipstick all over your face

Something, something about

Just knowing when it's right

Before you got the chance to answer him he roughly pushed you onto your bed and you hit it hard making you bounce. He quickly crawled over you and grabbed both your wrists, pinning them above your head using only his left hand to hold them down. You bucked your hips up against his, desperate for his touch.

"Patience, baby" he purred, placing sloppy kisses down your neck, over your collarbone and down between your breasts. His free hand went to cup one of your boobs, gently massaging it before he flicked his tongue over your nipple. The feeling of his wet tongue and warm breath sent shivers down your spine and caused a soft whimper to emerge from your lips.

"You're so beautiful and those noises of yours are heavenly" He almost sounded like he was begging, even though you didn't really know what he was begging for. He was in complete control and could do anything he wanted to at this very moment. He removed his hand from your breast and scooted off you to sit beside you instead, giving him easier access to your core, while still holding your hands pinned to the mattress.

He pushed up your skirt and didn't waste another moment before running his skilled fingers over your throbbing core. You were already so wet for him which he quickly noticed.

"Well now baby, what's going on down here" he smirked, running his fingers up and down your slit.

"Don't tease me" you moaned through your stacked breath.

"I would nev-"

"Yes, you would"

"Yeah I would"

As the last word left his lips he slid a finger into you causing you to loudly gasp and wriggle to get your hands free from his grasp, but it didn't help. His cocky smirk was glued to his face as his finger slid in and out of you, he quickly added another and started picking up his pace, curling his fingers up against your g-spot. Every time his fingers went over that soft spot within you, you moaned softly and bucked your hips, closing your eyes to focus on the feeling that was going on between your legs.

"Plea- I'm so close" you murmured.

He placed a soft kiss to your temple and pressed his thumb against your clit. A loud gasp ripped from your body as your orgasm started to flush through you Your toes and fingers curled, thighs and biceps tensed, and your hips bucked up like mad, making your back curve like never before. Rogers name left your lips like a prayer. A hot, needy prayer.

"Fuck.." Roger moaned, finally letting go of your hands and his hand flew to his crotch. A big wet spot started to show on his underwear. Your body finally relaxed again, yet your breath was out of control.

You tilted your head over to look at Roger and quickly noticed the wet spot on his underwear, which caused you to smile softly at him. The pure post-orgasm bliss ran through your veins as you lifted you hand and ran it over this thigh.

"That hasn't happened to me since I was a bloody teenager" he laughed, clearly a little embarrassed. You smiled in response and batted your eyelashes a few times.

"It's okay Roger… But I'm going to need a round two, so you better get that under control" you teased, pushing yourself up on your elbows to get closer to him.

"It's hard to control yourself when you're lying there making all those pretty noises and.. Mh" he moaned as you ran your hand over his wet underwear.

"Let's get these off you, yeah?" you asked, gently tugging on the elastic band. He softly nodded and laid on his back to pull them off. You followed his lead and finally rid yourself of your skirt as well. Finally, you were naked together. You sat cross-legged on the bed and just looked at Rogers naked form as he was laying there in front of you. He was so beautiful. A light sheen of sweat covered his chest and neck which made him look even more heavenly than he normally did.

You ran your fingers over his collarbones and down his chest, softly pinching his hips.

"I've missed this" you said, feeling like you had repeated those exact words way too many times already. He didn't respond, instead he just softly kissed your hand before sitting up across from you. You leaned forward and pressed a kiss to his lips. A kiss that quickly deepened, signalling that another round of raw pleasure was coming. You broke the kiss and rested your head on his shoulder, wrapping your arms lazily around his waist.

"Ready for round 2?" you giggled into his neck, while drawing tiny circles on his bare skin.

"You bet'cha" he laughed and leaned against you so hard that you fell back on the bed, pulling him on top of you. You looked up at his beautiful hooded blue eyes and fell in love all over again. The light from the room made it look like he had a halo.

He crashed his lips onto yours, needier and more desperate than ever. You spread your legs a little further apart making room for Roger to settle between them. His hardening cock rubbed against your sensitive core, causing you to gasp once again. Roger caught your gasp in his mouth, as he initiated another feverish make-out session.

"Condom?" he asked between the kisses. Every ounce of logic had left your body at this point and for once in your life, you couldn't care less about being safe or responsible.

"Fuck it. I want you to fucking.. Just.. Take me. Raw. I don't fucking care, Roger. Just.." you didn't manage to finish your desperate rambling before you felt him snake his hand down to line his cock up with your entrance and with a buck of his hips he bottomed out in you, causing you to scream out in pleasure. He filled you up perfectly and the quick movement took you completely by surprise - luckily he had made you plenty wet before.

"I'm so sorry, I couldn't help myself" he apologized and placed a soft kiss on your nose, not moving his hips so you could calm down a little after the very abrupt start.

"Don't apologize - fuck me.. I want you to fuck me so fucking good"

He kissed you again and started moving his hips, slowly pulling out before pushing into you again. And again, and again. His pace as so steady, clearly exposing that he was a drummer.

"I. Fucking. Love. You." he moaned with a raspy voice every time he pushed in to you.

You wrapped your arms around his back, scratching some long and severe streaks down his back. You felt your orgasm start to boil up which caused you to quickly move one of your hands down between you and Roger's sweaty bodies to apply pressure to your clit. Rogers thrusts were starting to get sloppier, but knowing that he had already cum once, you knew he would be able to hold it off for a little longer.

"I'm close, Rog" you whispered against his lips before pressing a soft kiss onto them.

"Where do you want me to cum?" he asked, starting to sound a little hoarse.

"In me.. Fuck a baby into me, Rog" Those words made him throw his head back in a desperate whine.

"Don't say that.. We're not even..-"

"We've been waiting for long enough" you almost cried out, so close to your own orgasm that you couldn't even think straight.

Roger moved his hand to your neck and gently choked you before pressing another needy kiss to your swollen lips.

And with that, your orgasm hit you like truck. You arched your back and a noise, that could only be described as a primal scream or growl left your lips. You shut your eyes and your jaw dropped, while every single muscle in your entire body tensed up and stayed that way for longer than you had ever tried before. Your walls clenched around Rogers length which was the last drop he needed to follow your lead into his own orgasm. Robe after robe of thick cum shot into you and the air filled with the sound of Roger's needy and desperate grunts and moans.

A few moments later, everything went quiet and you softly opened your eyes again, to see Roger still above you. His head was hanging down between his arms, that had miraculously managed to keep him from falling on top of you. You moved your hand up to move his hair away from his sweaty forehead before you pressed a kiss onto it.

The softest sigh left his tired body as he finally pulled out of you and fell down on his back right next to you.

It's been a long time since I came around

Been a long time, but I'm back in town

And this time I'm not leaving without you

After laying in complete silence for a few seconds, Roger managed to shove himself off the bed to go fetch something to wipe you off with. There was nothing more disgusting than sleeping in a pit of cum.

Soon enough he shuffled back into your bed and pressed a kiss to your forehead.

"I'll never leave you again, baby. Never" he whispered against your cheek.

You were almost falling asleep but seeing Roger with his after-sex glow made your eyes gain a little extra energy. You pushed him softly, so he would lay down flat on the mattress. Shortly after you pressed a kiss to his temple, cheekbone, jaw and lastly his lips.

"I surely hope not" you lightly joked before laying down. You placed your head on his chest, getting calmed down by the soft sound of his heartbeat. You wrapped your arm around his waist and moved your hips so close to him, that your pubic bone was against his hipbone. He pushed his leg between yours and finally the two of you were as entangled as physics would allow you to be. He used the arm he had under your body to draw tiny drawings on your spine, while his other hand moved over and tilted your chin up, so he could kiss you one more time.

"This time I'm not leaving without you".

[alwayschoosechocolate]

Are we even speaking the same language? (Part 5)

Sophie moves to Seoul to become a language assistant at one of Seouls biggest music companies. Even though her Korean is far from perfect, she quickly seems to get along with some of the biggest stars in the company. But the language might not be the only barrier, she has to overcome.

Characters: All seven members of BTS, paring between Namjoon x main character

Word count: 3667

Genre: romance, angst, fluff

Comments: When the dialog is written in cursive, it’s in Korean. When it’s bold it’s in danish.

Masterpost with the other parts of the story, can be found here (x)

He didn’t know how to ask, he didn’t know where to go, he didn’t know when to ask. He didn’t know how to approach it. He just knew, he wanted to spend more time with her. Sophie. He just didn’t know how to do that. They had been hanging out together multiple times, but it had always been with the rest of the group or at least some of the other members. Namjoon wanted to hang out with her alone. Like that Saturday in the studio. He smiled at the thought, quickly looking around the dressing room, he was currently sitting in, to see if he had been caught. They had a concert in an hour, and the rest of the members were strewed out in the make-up chairs or on the couches against the wall. None of them were paying attention to him, and he went back to staring at his phone, his thread with Sophie open on the screen. His thumb hovering over the keyboard, trying to come up with a clever excuse to get her alone. He groaned. Yoongi sat down next to him, eyeing his phone.

“You know, for a guy who writes beautiful lyrics about love and his deepest feelings, you sure have a hard time asking a girl out”, he said in an amused tone, making the rest of the members laugh.

“You still haven’t asked her?”, Hoseok asked from one of the make-up chairs. Namjoon shook his head and threw his phone on the table with an annoyed huff. Tae laughed at him.

“What’s the big deal? Just ask if she wants to hang out? I went for ice cream with her yesterday together with Jimin”, Tae said, throwing himself down on the couch next to him.

“Well. I guess the big deal is, that Namjoon doesn’t just want to have ice cream with her”, Suga smirked, and Namjoon sent him an annoyed look.

“Just ask her. What’s the worst that could happen?”, Hoseok asked him.

“You’re not one to talk, Hobi-hyung. You’ve been pining after Cathrine for a year. Just because, she agreed to go on a date with you tomorrow, it doesn’t make you a master on dating”, Jimin laughed, and Hoseok threw a hairbrush at him, earning a laugh from the other boys. The banter went back and forth, but Namjoon wasn’t listening anymore. He was just starring at his phone, trying to figure out how to ask her. Suddenly he felt a soft nudge on his shoulder. Jungkook was looking at him.

“Just ask her, if she wants to hang out, hyung”, he said in a soft voice. “You don’t have to have a masterplan for this. Ask her out for coffee! She loves coffee and cakes.” His soft eyes looked at Namjoon, and he sent the youngest an appreciative smile. Jungkook gave him a small nod, before getting up to get his make-up fixed before the show. Namjoon wrote out the message, but he couldn’t bring himself to press send. When they got called to the stage, he still hadn’t sent it.

When they returned to the dressing room after the concert, sweating and pumped with the energy of the stage, Namjoon went straight to his phone, unlocked it and pressed send, before he had time to reconsider.

  Sophie lifted her eyes from the book, as her phone buzzed on the table. Before the screen went black again, she caught a glimpse of the Namjoons name. She quickly sat up, almost dropping her book on the floor, and reached out for her phone. She quickly unlocked it to read the message.

Namjoon / 10:11pm

Hi Soph.

Do you maybe wanna meet up for

some coffee tomorrow?

My treat. 

She could almost hear her heartbeat in her ears. Omg. Was he asking her out? “My treat”? That sounded like a date, didn’t it? She jumped up and started pacing the floor. What should she answer? Of course, she would love to, but should she just write that or? She stopped in her tracks, eyeing the empty bookshelves. Dammit! She had to be home tomorrow to receive her books. They were finally arriving from Europe. She bit the inside of the cheek, trying to figure out what to do. She could just invite him here? It would be less formal, more easy-going. And if it got awkward, she could ask him to help her unpack the books? She gave herself a nod and crossed the floor in large strides, picking up her phone and typing out an answer. 

Sophie / 10:17pm

Hi Namjoon.

I would love to, but I can’t

leave the apartment tomorrow.

I’ve got some stuff sent from back

home, and they arrive tomorrow,

so I have to be at the apartment.

But you could come to my place?

We can just have coffee here? 

She quickly pressed send. She sat down on the couch, her phone still in her hand, waiting for a reply. Her pulse was still high, and her palms were clammy. She almost squealed when the screen lit up again. She hurriedly tapped her password, getting it wrong three times, before finally getting to the message.

Namjoon / 10:19pm

Sure.

Around 2pm?

Send me the address. 

Sophie couldn’t help the wide grin settling on her face, and she almost giggled writing out her address to him. She was too excited to go back to reading, so she plugged her phone into the stereo and put on some music. As she started dancing around her living room, she suddenly noticed how messy it was, so she started tidying up. She had to clean a bit as well, before he came tomorrow. She spent a good hour tidying up her apartment, before she went to bed.

  When the doorbell rang the next day at 2pm, Sophie had been sitting on the edge of the couch for 20 minutes, trying to read, but she kept forgetting what she had read. She quickly put her book down on the table, weaved her way around the boxes littering the floor and pulled open the front door. Namjoon sent her a dimpled smile, holding up the cakes he had bought on the way.

“Hi! Oh, wow! You brought cakes! Great, I only have coffee”, she said letting him in. She went to the kitchen to make the coffee. He pulled off his shoes and let out a chuckle at the sight of all the boxes.

“How much did you get sent here?”

“My books”, she laughed, as she walked back into the living room, handing him a cup of coffee. He widened his eyes at her answer, looking back at the boxes.

“These are all books? Your books?” She blushed and nodded. “Wow. You weren’t kidding, when you said, you love literature.” He eyed the boxes and the empty shelves. “Are you sure, there is going to be enough room?” She shrugged her shoulders.

“There should be, yeah.” She gave him a big smile, before sitting down on the couch, motioning for him to follow her.

“So, how’s the work with the album going?” She took a sip of her coffee, eyeing him over the rim of the cup.

“Actually, can we not talk about work? It’s just. If we talk about work, I feel like RM. But I would rather be Namjoon with you. I would rather talk about you”, he said, smiling at her. She almost choked on her coffee and had to put it down, because of her coughing. Namjoon shot her a worried glance, and she held up a finger to show, that she just needed a moment. When she was finally able to draw a breath down into her lungs, her cheeks were flaring in embarrassment.

“I’m sorry. Sure, what do you want to know?”

“Well, how about you tell me about Denmark and Germany? How did that happen? I was so sure, you were German.” Sophie grimaced, before she let out a small laugh.

“Yeah, I’ve heard that before. I must look German, somehow. Well, Denmark is a short story. I was born there, I went to school there. In my fourth year of university, I went to Berlin on exchange, and I loved it so much there, that I ended up staying.” She smiled at the memory.

“And is that how you learned German?” Namjoon questioned. She shook her head.

“No. I already had German in school, and I studied it at the university. I have a Masters in German Language and Literature.” Namjoon let out a low whistle.

“Not bad. I wanted to study literature, when I was younger. I still read a lot.”

“Yes, like dark philosophy?”, she giggled. He laughed along with her and nodded.

“Well, yes. Among other things.”

“Tell me about you, Namjoon. Where are you from?”

He told her about Ilsan, where he grew up, his parents and sister. His childhood and way into the world of music. Sophie listened to him with curious eyes, occasionally taking a sip from her coffee.

“I’m really impressed by, what you guys have achieved, how much you’ve fought through, and how you’ve handled it all. You are all so immensely talented in so many areas, and you’re all so kind”, she said, letting out a laugh. “I’m not gonna lie. You’re forcing me to raise my expectations here.” He let out a loud laugh. “No, but in all seriousness. I’m so blown away by it all. I wish, I had something I was that passionate about. And good at”, she added with a laugh.

“It’s okay not to have one burning passion. You’re good at a lot of really complicated things. Believe me, when I tell you, that outside of music and performing, we’re idiots.” Sophie giggled at him. “I’m not kidding. We’re hopeless”, he laughed. “But tell me more about Denmark. I’ve never been there. We went to Sweden, Norway and Finland once, but we missed Denmark.”

Sophie described the long summer nights, the broad beaches, the sweet cakes, the soft rolling landscape and the culture. Namjoon was just observing her features as she spoke. Her eyes crinkling when she smiled, her smile showing one crooked tooth, her hands drawing the scenarios in the air in front of her.

“A lot of people call us out for drinking a lot”, she giggled. “And it’s true! We do drink a lot, but it’s rarely like getting wasted and going clubbing. At least outside of the capital. We like meeting up with our friends for a few beers or drinks.” She smiled to herself. “I kinda miss that. In Germany is was more clubbing.”

“Well, you can always go drinking with us. We don’t do it often, but you’re welcome to join”, he told her, emptying his coffee cup. She thanked him and got up to offer him another cup of coffee.

While eating some of the cake, he had brought, they talked about cultures and languages.

“Why did you learn English?”, Sophie asked, scooping some cake up on her fork.

“My mom wanted me to learn it. We watched Friends together, when I was a kid, so I kinda picked it up from that.” Sophies eyes widened, and she gave his arm a light smack.

“Shut up. You learned English just by watching a TV-show?” He laughed at her reaction and nodded. “Well, that’s it, I guess. That was all I had on you. My ability to learn languages. But you’re a genius at that as well. Dammit, Namjoon. You have to leave something for the rest of us!” She laughed at him.

“Well, how did you learn Korean?”

“I studied it on my own for about a year, and when I applied for the job here, I started taking classes”, she said, reaching out for her coffee from the table. He let out a surprised laugh at her answer.

“Then why are you all over me? You learned a language on your own as well.” He gave her a small shove and winked at her. “We’re pretty badass people, you know.” She giggled with him and put her empty plate down on the table, eyeing the boxes on the floor. She snuck a look at him out the corner of her eye, but he was already looking at her. He smiled widely at her, scrunching up his nose in the process.

“Would I be a terrible host, if I asked you to help me unpack my books?”, she asked, sending him puppy-eyes.

“Absolutely. A horrendous host. The absolute worst”, he answered without missing a beat, looking down at  his coffee, before he started laughing. Sophie rolled her eyes at him, but she couldn’t help chuckling.

“Namjoon, I thought you were for real for a second”, she whined, smacking him on the arm.

“Of course, I can help you unpack”, he said, getting up from the couch. Sophie jumped up and gave him a hug, thanking him, before walking over to one of the boxes.

“Okay. I don’t need like a crazy system. I can always organize it later. But I would like to have it divided by languages”, she said, pulling up the first books. “Oh, and all the poetry together as well, regardless of language.” Namjoon laughed softly at how bossy she was with her books, before joining her by the shelves.

They worked quietly for some time, before Namjoon stopped in his tracks, eyeing the book in his hands.

“Eh. Soph. What language is this?”, he asked turning the book towards her. She threw a glance at the book.

“That’s Swedish, but I don’t have that many books in Swedish, so just put it with the ones in Norwegian.” He sent her a helpless look, eyeing the books in his arms, suddenly questioning, if he had placed some of the books on the wrong shelves. She let out a soft laugh.

“Just place them, where you think they belong. I can always reorganize it later.”

 “This one is handwritten”, he said looking through a notebook, he had pulled out of one of the boxes. “Is this yours?” Sophies breath caught in her throat, as she eyed the book in his hands. She nodded.

“You wrote this? What it is?”, he asked, eyes sweeping over the page.

"It's my thoughts, my emotions. It's my truth", she said quietly.

"Like poetry?", he asked looking through the book. She hesitated.

"I don't know. I'm a bit afraid to call it poetry. It makes it very real somehow. It's just me." She wasn't sure what to do with herself, moving her weight from one foot to the other.  

"They're not all in English?", he asked, looking at one of the pages, where the text was in Danish.

"No, some are in English, some in Danish, some in German. Some of them a mixture of different languages", she answered, her palms getting sweaty. Even though she knew he didn't understand the ones in German and Danish, it still made her anxious to see him examining her deepest thoughts like this. "It's just how my brain works", she added in a small voice.

He quietly turned the pages, looking at each page before continuing. "You write very blunt and direct. Very honest. There isn't a lot of metaphors or analogies here." He finally looked up, catching her eyes. She nodded.

"I spent too long analyzing and understanding my own emotions and thoughts. I'm not gonna start hiding them again. Not even if it is just behind words", she explained, reaching out for the book. Namjoon handed it to her and noticed how delicately she was handling it. Softly closing it, and gently placing it on the windowsill. She let out an obvious relieved sigh, and Namjoon suddenly wondered if he had overstepped a boundary with her.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to pry", he said. Sophie shook her head.

"It's okay. I just haven't ever really shown anyone." She went back to unpacking the boxes, placing books on the empty shelves.

"How come?", he asked, as he joined her in the unpacking.

"I just…", she stopped in her tracks for a moment, biting the inside of her cheek, debating how to answer. "I guess, I never really felt like people would care enough to know my thoughts."

"I would like to know your thoughts… if you would let me?", he asked her, looking at her. Her eyes seemed to search his, looking for a sign of him joking. She gave him a small nod.

"Okay. But could you not read it in front of me?", she asked, blushing. She got self-conscious. She felt like, she was naked in front of him. Actually, no. Not naked. This was worse. A lot of people had seen her naked. No one had ever read her deepest thoughts before. She was stripping her mind for him, and she felt incredibly vulnerable. He could sense her getting uncomfortable, so he pulled her in for a hug.

"Of course. Thanks for trusting me enough to share it with me", he said into her hair. Pulling back, he busied himself with the books, giving her time to calm herself.

 After about 30 minutes, they had unpacked all the boxes. Sophie sat on the floor admiring the view of all her books on the dark shelves. Six different languages. Over 500 books. Thousands of different cultures and stories. She couldn’t help the big smile creeping up her face.

Namjoon snapped a photo of her sitting in front of the books and chuckled softly at how cute she was, sitting on the floor. She turned around at the sound of his laugh.

“Are you laughing at me?”, she asked, getting up off the floor, walking towards him with a huge grin on her face.

“I would never laugh at you”, he feigned offense, that she would even think that, and she laughed at him. He sent her a soft dimple smile, and she poked one of his dimples with her finger.

“Hm. Sure, you wouldn’t”, she hummed. He couldn’t help blushing at the contact, and she giggled at his response.

Suddenly, his phone rang. As he pulled it out of his pocket, Sophie saw Sugas name flashing on the screen. Ah, he probably had to go into the studio then. Namjoon exchanged a few sentences on the phone before hanging up and turning back to Sophie.

“I have to go to the studio. Apparently, there is something that just can’t wait until tomorrow”, he huffed, annoyance clear in his voice. Sophie laughed at his reaction.

“It’s fine. Don’t worry about it. Do you want to bring the rest of the cakes? Maybe that’ll soften them up?”, she asked, with a crooked smile.

“I doubt it. No, you keep them. I bought them for you”, he said, sending her a warm smile, making her blush. He grabbed the notebook from the windowsill and held it up to her.

“You still okay with letting me read this?” His eyes were soft, clearly wanting to make sure, she wasn’t uncomfortable with it. She nodded, a little nervous, but she had already said yes, so why not. He gave her a bright smile and leaned down to press a kiss to her cheek, before leaving the apartment with a goodbye shouted over his shoulder. As the door slammed shut, Sophie was standing in the middle on the living room with her hand on her cheek. He had kissed her. A giggle came bubbling over her lips, and another one, and suddenly she was laughing almost manically. When she finally stopped, her heart was bursting, her eyes shining and her cheeks glowing. She eyed her bookshelves and grinned again. Wow.

  As Namjoon was making his way towards the studio in a taxi, he started looking through the notebook again, this time really taking his time. He was curious as to what kind of thoughts, Sophie felt like she had to put down. They were all deeply personal. Some of them dealing with expectations, some of them with culture and languages. A lot of them was about not apologizing for being who you are. It seemed like she had been struggling with finding her identity. They were raw and honest. He was impressed with her way of describing her feelings like this. He wanted to understand all the poems though. He might have to find someone to help him translate. One of the poems had caught his attention already at her apartment. He found it again on one of the last pages.

It doesn’t get better.

It gets easier.

and I don’t know

if that’s reassuring

or terrifying

He read it a few times, before putting the book down in his lap, looking out the window. She was obviously battling some stuff. And this was her way of letting it out. If possible, he was now even more interested in her.

He spent a few hours at the studio with Suga and Pdogg, polishing off some songs for the new album. He was distracted and kept zoning out, causing the others to curse at him multiple times. When they were finally done, he rushed Yoongi to pack up, so they could get back to the dorm.

He walked straight to his room, opening his laptop. When he checked his phone, he found a text from Sophie.

Sophie / 10:17pm

Thanks for the help today. And the cakes! They’re delicious. I had a lot of fun.

He smiled at the text, typed out a reply and pressed send, before pulling up an online dictionary on the computer and opening Sophies notebook on the table next to it.

 Sophies phone buzzed in her hand.

Namjoon / 10:25pm

You’re welcome. Thanks for the coffee, and for letting me help you. I enjoyed it as well. Let’s do it again. Soon.

Sophie grinned like an idiot at her phone, before setting her alarm and burrowing herself under the covers. She kept smiling into the dark, until she fell asleep.

Comment: Ah, can you feel it? We’re getting there! I have so many parts written out from later in the story, but I have to be patient. Just trust me, when I say there is a whole lot of both fluff and angst coming up.

Enjoy!

 // Part 6 //

[mysynthfetish]

3 Days With Ondekoza (part one)

Righty then, synth-heads, this ain’t your typical synth-or-nefarious-machinery-related post, obviously. But nevertheless, it’s pertinent, and very relevant to the overall makeup of who I am as a person, so read on anyhow, and maybe along the way you’ll make some new discoveries.

First, you may be thinking what (or who) the hell is Ondekoza? Super long story short: a group of mostly male, mostly young(ish) Japanese borderline psychos intent on preserving various elements of the traditional performing arts of Japan, through super intense training and living a communal lifestyle. The group was started in the late 1960s by Den Tagayasu, who had a vision of creating a center of learning such arts, populated with energetic (and eccentric) youth, where people could come and study and thus keep those traditions alive—traditions which at the time Mr Tagayasu truly felt were all but going to disappear, swept away in the tsunami of Japan’s period of rapid economic growth that was going from strength to strength. Thus Ondekoza was born, and with it (though there were a scant few others doing similar but nowhere as mental stuff) the concept of ensemble taiko—playing Japanese drums in a large group as opposed to the traditional set up where a single drum is used in a small ensemble of other instruments (such as you find in Noh, Kabuki, and so on). In 1981, a disagreement regarding the direction and focus the group was taking led the members to split off and form Kodō, with Mr Tagayasu leaving Sado island, taking the drums and the Ondekoza name, and basically starting over. The group was reborn, and has gone through various incarnations—inavoidable really, mainly because members come and go—and is still active today. If you wanna know more about Ondekoza, the internetz, even wikipedia, is your friend.

In the early 90s, Ondekoza did a Marathon Tour of the US. Wait, a “Marathon Tour?” Yes, it’s exactly what it sounds like, they fucking RAN the perimeter of the US. Here’s a poster that was made after their return to Japan following the tour.

You might need to zoom in on the center there to see a kinda wonky map of the US and the course they ran, taking three years to do it. I was studying design at college when they came through my hometown (St Penisblurgh, Flawriduhhhh). I was taking Japanese classes as well, and my Japanese teacher said “you should drop everything and tag along with them for the month they’re gonna be around, I’ll talk to the dean and work it out so you can just turn in your assignments for your classes and not get penalized, I’ll finagle it as a ‘Special Intensive Japanese Language and Culture Study Project’ or something, leave it to me.” Sheeeeit. She made it happen. I had been playing taiko since maybe 8th grade or something, as a close friend was half-Japanese, and his mom founded the Japanese-American Society where I lived, and she decided “You guys pray taiko! Do festibal! Sound good!” Hahaha. Anyway there was some pressure there and I joined maybe a year or two after they started playing (at first it was mostly a family affair, plus two weirdos who claimed to have played with Soh Daiko of NYC though when I had the chance to meet Soh Daiko and ask them, they were like “Who? Ohhh those two annoying weirdos, yeah they came to a few workshops but that’s about it.” Ahem. Anyway. Yeah so I had experience playing taiko. So. I spent three weeks and a bit with Ondekoza, doing everything BUT running with them. I went to elementary, middle and high schools for free performances and workshops. I helped them set up for (and tear down after) those workshops, but also did so for proper concerts in concert halls and such venues. I ate with them, practiced with them, spent just about all day every day with them. At the end, I was so blown away by the whole thing that I had set my heart on joining the group, along with two guys (brothers) from the taiko group I was in (we’d known each other since middle school if I didn’t mention that). My parents flipped their shit! I was threatened with disownment and death. See, they’d paid my tuition and rent while I was studying design. For me to decide to give everything up and walk away from that, when I was like two months from graduating? Haha, yeah, looking back now I can totally see why they were so pissed off. But at the time, it was a huge letdown. In any case, life went on, and 25 years or so later, the chance to spend time with Ondekoza presented itself, and I jumped on it faster than a herd of Drumpf supporters on a box of free MAGA hats.

I’m sorta active on instagram, and follow the accounts of the current (and a few former) members of Ondekoza. Around February I saw posts showing them on a small tour of the US, mostly in central northern states. The flood of memories and nostalgia was sudden and nearly overwhelming. It was like I was seeing the same situations I participated in back in the early 90s all over again. Same situations, same vibe, same atmosphere. Whoa. So I started a conversation with one of the members, told him my background, and one thing led to another and I found myself heading to the asscrack of Saitama Prefecture for a three-day stay with the group, not as a special guest or anything like that, ohhh no, I clearly said “put my ass to work, no special treatment, and I’m cool with running so don’t you worry about that.” (I’ve chiseled my 1km average down to around 4:30, and have no freakin idea how that happened). So last Friday at 06:30 I boarded the express on my local line here and began the 6-hour, nearly 600km journey to The Middle Of Nowhere.

I arrived at just past one in the afternoon, had lunch after some brief introductions, and then it was prep prep and more prep for an annual open-house-slash-memorial-festival they hold at their HQ, which is an old, but not that old, very small, ultra-super-hyper-rural “branch” elementary school building that hadn’t been in use for a number of years thanks to an ageing society and an outflux of people from the area. Beautiful place, in a beautiful mountainous area. But two days prior, they had snow when a cold snap swooped down from Siberia. Check this shit out:

Sakura and snow. Unreal. Anyway. They were worried that either the weather wouldn’t cooperate or they wouldn’t be able to drain the field after the snow melted, but in the end everything worked out and it was Game On! When I said I told them to put me to work I meant it, so when they asked me to do something or help someone out, I did it immediately and to the best of my abilities. Setting up flags on 4m-long freshly cut lengths of bamboo, climbing on top of their main gear-hauling truck and setting up the backdrop curtain (the same curtain I helped set up in theatres and venues back in the 90s!!!). Cutting out printed lines of text, then laying out a timeline display of their activities over the past year (photo below). Etc etc etc. At the end of the day, over dinner (where you have to use utensils with your non-dominant hand, the idea being to strengthen both sides and bring balance to your playing, as well as being a real mental workout), the leader asked me a ton of questions. Seems that I was doing things more like a seasoned member of the group, as opposed to the way people who have offered to help out or whatever in the past have done. It was kind of funny but refreshing or reaffirming at the same time to be sorta praised like that. So even before the end of the first day, I had almost seamlessly integrated into the group, and it was more than I could have asked for or expected. Bedtime came sooner than we knew it, and I ended up sleeping on the sofa in the old staff room, which they use as their main assembly room and area for meals. And with that, my first day with Ondekoza came to a peaceful end.

See you in part two!

[bunnii-recovers]

6/24/17 - moments for life

[thecitykeepsevolving]

Idina Menzel World Tour Concert Review - 5.20.17 Atlantic City, NJ

I went to my 3rd Idina concert in AC last night and it was amazing! I wrote a review. It’s not really coherent but it’s as much as I can remember. it’s under the cut because there are some spoilers (for those who don’t want to see any). I didn’t explain every little thing, just the main highlights. I don’t have pics because the lighting was bad, but I do have a short clip of “For Good” that I’ll post. (I already posted part of Let It Go, I’ll post the full one too)

SETLIST:

Queen of Swords

Small World

Seasons of Love

Don't Rain on My Parade (Funny Girl)

Everybody Knows

Cake / Black Dog (Led Zeppelin)

I'm Not That Girl

Perfect Story

Wind Beneath My Wings (Bette Midler)

Defying Gravity

I Do

Bridge Over Troubled Water (Simon & Garfunkel)

Rocksteady (Aretha Franklin)

No Day But Today

Dear Prudence (Beatles) / Do You Want to Build A Snowman?

For Good

Let It Go

Encore:

Every Time We Say Goodbye (Cole Porter)

I See You

--

The crowd was actually pretty tame. A LOT of older adults. The median age was probably 40. I expected to see a lot teens and kids but OH WELL, not complaining. i wish everyone would’ve been a little more LIT though. Idina was trying to get the crowd hyped and they were kinda eh.

SHE CAME OUT ON TIME!! At 8:07. I expected 8:30 so I was glad. When she came out, I lost my shit as always. This is the 7th time I’ve seen her live and 3rd concert and I still die every time. She was wearing the black jumpsuit thing from the Carmel/Japan shows and it looked HOT on her. I LOVED QUEEN OF SWORDS!!! ESPECIALLY THE DRUMMING. My 15 yr. old self died bc I used to think I would be an aspiring drummer one day (still do). This song is sooo good live, omg. And i was def singing along (NOT SORRY).

All of the songs from idina. were REALLY GOOD LIVE. It almost makes me wish it were a live album instead. I think it was the band/sound mixing that made it sound really good. Small world/Everybody Knows were never my favorite songs and based on what I’ve seen her sing from TV appearances they were ehhh but I really enjoyed both songs in person. A LOT.

Idina was casually talking about AC and said “I won 600 bucks at the casino” I was like YEAH, LIKE YOU NEED IT. OOOOKAY.

I was actually really glad to hear Seasons of Love, even though I’ve heard it sung live many times (not by Idina though). Only thing is, I wish it was later in the set? It just seemed like it was out of place. Also, at the beginning of the song, it sounded like echo was from the OBCR recording which was cool. I was surprised she remembered the words to this song, because she always forgot them at the BCEFA fundraiser for If/Then. But she NAILED the high note at the end of the song!!!

During “Don’t Rain on My Parade” before she sang “HEY THERE...HERE I AM” she said, “Where are we from? Jersey or Philly” (EVERYONE WHO COMES TO SOUTH JERSEY FOR A CONCERT ASKS THAT QUESTION) and a bunch of us (including me) screamed “JERSEY” (thank god). Then, someone said Long Island and she said, “YOU CAME TO AC FROM THERE?” AHAHAHA.

Also during DROMP the fringe from her jacket was hanging and she gave it to someone. it was pretty funny.

When introducing the song Cake, she talked about Aaron and “Since you last saw me, I got engaged. After getting divorced you never think that someone could love you again.” It was sweet.

CAKE WAS AMAZINGGGG LIVE. AS IF I DIDNT ALREADY LOVE IT FROM THE ALBUM. I’m so glad she put it in the set. I also loved the projections in the background during the whole concert. She was ROCKIN OUT and was classic rocker Idina! She rocked out so hard, that she said her face was hurting and she shouldn’t wear heavy metal earrings while singing a heavy metal song. After this, she turned to her guitarist and said “You don’t have that problem, fish.” She also said she needed a better bra and touched her boobs. 

I really liked the Wind Beneath My Wings/DG mashup. I’ve heard Defying Gravity live 100 times and I’m sick of it, but the smoke, cape, and background set really added something to it. It made me like the song again. I also loved hearing some Beaches music too! The riffs on BOTH songs were amazing as always! She forgot the words to DG too. OF ALL SONGS.

OKAY, SO I CANT BELIEVE IM SAYING THIS. BUT “I DO” WAS ONE OF THE BEST PARTS OF THIS CONCERT. And this was the song I avoided listening to because of my anxiety. But I had some weird feeling that I’d have a revelation and love the song while hearing it live, and I DID. Toward the end of the song, Idina had this angry breakdown. I can’t explain it. She kept singing “I Do” and spinning around with her arms out while still holding the cape and swinging it around. Like, you could tell she was angry. But in a good way. She was letting it ALL OUT and being vulnerable and it was the greatest thing I’ve ever seen.

I liked the cover of Rocksteady. It was different. I was sick of her old covers so it was nice to hear something new. Her weird dancing during this song was hilarious! ALSO, PROPS TO VANESSA BRYAN. THAT WOMAN IS A SINGER!!! I was afraid of her having backup singers bc they usually overpower her, but they didn’t at all! The whole band was great. I liked it better than the last tour where she had an orchestra. I think it consumes her too much.

Clearly Idina knew that a lot of her audience members were repeat attenders, so she explained how she always likes to sing No Day But Today because it reminds her to live in the moment and she talked a little about Jonathan. I always love this part of her shows because it shows that she still acknowledges her humble beginnings. During the part where she holds the mic to the audience to sing “no day but today” like 2 people sang (I swear I could hear my own voice) so that was lame but after she said “thank you, that sounded really beautiful” and I was like OOOOOKAY THEN.

There was one part in the show (I can’t remember when) where Idina was like “I’m always keepin it real” I’n like HECK YEAHHH (that probably didn’t need to be written down but it was funny) EDIT: It was when she was moving her stool. And she said “I move my own furniture.” Then, she said her manager Burt made a request for the stool to come out from the stage like Beyonce (obviously kidding)

The Dear Prudence/Do You Wanna Build A Snowman mashup was interesting. I wasn’t thrilled about Idina singing another frozen song but it wasn’t a bad mashup and didn’t bother me as much as I expected.

I also thought “Let It Go” would piss me off but only 6 kids came up and it seemed a lot more organized than what I’ve seen at other shows. It was hilarious because Idina said (about the kids’ parents) “THESE ARE THE PARENTS WHO BRING THEIR KIDS TO A CASINO AT NIGHT” and I died. And I think one of the kids had the same bday as her? (Or maybe an audience member?) So she said “Yeah but you’re 30 years younger!” She took a selfie with all of the kids when they were done singing and it was cute. Then said they were all gonna play craps after the show. When the kids were going back to their parents, she was SO SALTY. I LOVED IT. She said to the parents, PUT THE PHONES DOWN AND TAKE YOUR KIDS.” HAHAH. EDIT: the boy (who was about 15) actually said to HER that he’s 30 years younger and she mimicked him.

Random side note: when I was on line for the bathroom after the concert, two of the kids who sang with her were walking the other way and they seemed so excited that they got to go up on stage. So even if I get pissed about Frozen and Idina giving all of the attention to the kids, hearing them say that was priceless.

The “I See You” fan videos were a nice addition and not what I was expecting at all. It was a great way to end the concert and I’m glad there was some fan input in there. I really liked when she talked about the African saying, how one person says “I see you” and the other person says, “I see you, I’m here.” That was beautiful.

There was a lot I probably forgot or didn’t talk about, but it was a great concert. Much more fast-paced and streamlined than last time. (The run time was about 2 hours by the way, maybe even less. It ended a little before 10). There wasn’t a lot of chatter in between songs which kind of sucked, but it reminded me a lot more of the intimate concerts from back in the day. Idina seemed so happy to be there and free, and she really seems like she’s in a good place now. And I liked that a lot. I think it’s illegal to like a performer this much and I can’t wait to see her live again!

[youngk93]

long list of accidental run ins WHO THE FUCK ELSE HAVE YOU MET lol im curious spill the beanssss

Under the cut + some stories about things that happened at that time

Seungri and TOP from BB both at a club, different nights, both were v intoxicated. Seungri asked if I wanted to come into VIP and even tho he’s my BB bias I was like no thank I’m a smol (I was 20 at the time, 21 Korean age but I was very new to everything bc I never went clubbing in the states or drank alcohol (allergic to everything but pure alcohols) so i was like i don’t wanna chance it but thank u) TOP acts like a 5yo when drunk 100% confirmed. it was cute my friend hated the living hell out of it but he liked her better bc she was gorgeous i ain’t even gonna deny she was so good lookin. i am a mere mushroom compared.

Tiger JK, Mirae, Bizzy (suuuper nice people! my friend’s friend was throwing a party and they were there. DJ Jazzyjeff was playin that night too it was a bomb)

Jay Park (was at the same party. V short. much attitude in that smol body. white girls were tryin to get up on him and he was like leave me alone LOL) 

I swear I met Hyukoh in Hongdae but nobody believes me but he sat next to me on a bench and he was v polite v quiet as usual and I did the polite bow and he did it back but then I was like dang he cute in person and his friend came so he left i was like bye u cutie sobsobsob

UH, Yoona from GG twice! I met her once during that time I met BTS and another time i saw her when I was dropping my little bro at ICN airport and there were a million people there and she walked passed us in line.

Day6 (x like10 ?) +Junhyeok my coffee neighbor ;n;///// back when i lived in the boonies of 망원도 tho 10/10 would live there again now that i think abt it offered to help with instruments (this was like in september/october of 15 they were still playing v small shows) and youngk was like no thank you we’re good (he says as they’re squishing into an elevator with everything but was still smiling brightly)

Zhang Yixing randomly he was filming smth and my friends and I just happened to be there 

BTS like I stated before

SHINee’s Taemin LMFAO that kid can run fast he was on the subway in everybody era clothes and as soon as the next stop came he just BOOKED it like I have never SEEN anybody scale stairs that fast.

Nemesis, not sure if any of u care but it’s a super awesome band

VIXX came to my school once and did a free performance and i did not know sob sob sob

But I met 10cm at my school like, they didn’t perform they came for the school festival to eat LMFAO i swear i have never seen more innocent people

Kim Woobin was at my old school, too (I’ve met a truck ton of models, fashion week is so chill, including XIN, GD’s bff. Dude’s not so scary in real life he’s real polite. He was standing next to me for some time and i looked over bc i was like u standin close son (i’m from NY so i’m always like u tryina mug me or smth son why u standin close) and i looked over and was all O_O it u, he’s actually taller than i thought he would be but not as scary as i thought he would be go figure.

but yes, there’s a model cafe tucked away in itaewon like it was so hard to find at first it’s v deceiving but it’s model owned and lots of models chill there cause it’s out of the way but it’s a public shop so i went and stayed for a little it was chill

SO CLOSE TO MEETING MY LOVE SOOHYUK (again? i swear i met him in a club but he was intoxicated AF it doesn’t count and he couldn’t remember my name so he called me New Yorker instead lol) BUT HE SHOWED UP AN HOUR AFTER I LEFT I HAD STAYED AT FASHION WEEK UNTIL 7PM EVERY SINGLE DAY AND ON THE LAST DAY HE WAS LIKE LOL I GUESS I’LL SHOW UP AWRETSRJYDTKUYFIASG SOOHYUUUUKKKKK

I met all of Nu’est and had the guts to ask JR for his signature only because i had my sketchbook out sob sob they were all so nice they gave me a coffee!! it was the worst coffee i’ve ever had but !! it was sweet!!  and a churro!! absolute sweethearts ;w; ;w; sobsobsob they were v pleasant and it was fun spelling out my name bc he wrote a heart over the i in my name i was like lol u cute stop stoP

Taehyung from Winner I met him in a club he was v quiet and probably wasn’t supposed to be there. 

Met Kim Bum at Lotte World once! he was in line ahead of me with his then-girlfriend. He was v handsome in person. 

KIM JISOO. I MET KIM JISOO. swoon swoon~ I was at fashion week and everyone was screaming and there he was i was like *A* gorgeous, gorgeous. he was kind of new to the scene so everyone was like who dis 

Cheetah, Hyuna (4Minute), Hyorin (GG) I met at fashion week!

Met Beenzino and Kanto in NY once that was nice. v polite, kanto is like a smol child u want to hold him

Oh i met block b after a concert once as well, and I met TaeIl in a club in gangnam somewhere my God he ‘s so cute in person and everyone calls him short but he ain’t that short. he was suckin on a lolli too i was like lol do you belong in a club. i had met him not too long before that along with MIB at a concert and he was like oh hello again and waved v cutely like he said in english ‘oh hello’ and waved i was like stop u cutie. park kyung remembers me a lot more than the other members tho and that’s how i became a kyung stan. 

met eric nam in church lolol

I’m sure there are more ppl that I cannot remember rn. A LOT of people, I literally have no interest in so it’s a ll v chill meeting them and they see that i’m chill so it’s like no stress. I’m very good at poker face and not bein invasive because i really just don’t want to be that person ???????? about them as a celebrity but them as a person i’d be totally down to getting to know so that’s like the attitude i bring. 

[movietvtechgeeks]

Latest story from https://movietvtechgeeks.com/taylor-swifts-first-last-concert-2017/

Taylor Swift's first and last concert of 2017

Sitting backstage in her dressing room with her cats, Taylor Swift was Instagramming videos of them while listening to her fans chanting “Taylor! Taylor!” Right before they started she could have heard DJ and good friend Ruby Rose calling out from her turntables inside the 62,500 foot pop up club (yup, they make em that big and it will be gone as quickly as it went up) in Houston “If you guys screen loud enough, Taylor will hear you.”

Moments later she emerged to see 9,000 over excited and screaming fans and performed a very tight and packed seventeen song set. She even granted her fans two surprises with two songs never performed before.

Swift gave a blowout performance leaving everything she had on the stage. With good reason, as it looks like this was her first and final concert of 2017.

It’s actually a smart move after the rough year of publicity she had in 2016 where fans began seeing a different side of the singer/songwriter. The more business savvy one and not the young woman who wants to be your best friend one. Taking this sabbatical will help fans miss her and forget all those misses like Calvin Harris, Tom Hiddleston, Kanye West and Kim Kardashian.

“Taylor’s a smart woman, and even she knows she let herself get overexposed, ” a long-time pr pro said. “When a celebrity heads into the land of overexposure, fans begin to take them for granted and begin to notice their flaws. When you disappear for a period of time, it gives them a chance to miss you and forget those flaws that were shown.”

Here’s the highlights from her pre-Super Bowl 51 show.

Going It Alone “I don’t want you to think Zayn is going to come out, because he’s definitely not,” Swift immediately cautioned while introducing “I Don’t Wanna Live Forever,” her Fifty Shades Darker collaboration with the One Direction alum. “I saw a lot of phones go up in the air. The only one you have here is me, I’m so sorry.” The crowd didn’t seem to mind, helping Taylor out with the oh-oh-ohs during her stripped-down take on the steamy song.

Little Big Taylor Another live debut was “Better Man,” the Hot Country Songs No. 1 that Swift wrote for Nashville quartet Little Big Town. Not only has she never performed it live, we’ve never heard her sing it ever. Swift made epic use of her background singers for the performance, having them join her out on the circular stage and creating her own vocal group, a la LBT. “I never really knew what it would feel like to hear my song on the radio and have someone else singing it. Turns out, it feels awesome,” she said before the song. “I feel really grateful to the artists who have decided to record the things that I have written. The one drawback is just that you don’t really get to hear the crowd sing the songs back to you.” This intro also led into an acoustic take on Calvin Harris and Rihanna’s “This Is What You Came For,” which she famously wrote with her EDM ex.

On Theme There’s a Taylor Swift song for every occasion — even Super Bowl. “I figured you guys are going to be watching football, and I wrote a song when I was 16 that features, like, cheer captains and bleachers, and I don’t know, I felt like it might be appropriate to play tonight,” she said to introduce her 2008 crossover smash “You Belong With Me.” “I mean, it’s really old, but…”

Grammys Flashback For Swift’s last concert, at October’s Formula 1 U.S. Grand Prix in Austin, Texas, she apparently faked out a few fans when her bedazzled white grand piano rolled out onstage. “When I sat down at the piano, a lot of people were chanting the name of a song I haven’t played in a long time. You know what I’m talking about?” she asked, referencing her famous hair-flipping 2014 Grammys performance of the Red track “All Too Well” behind the keys. “So I figured that next time I was in Texas, if you wanted to hear ‘All Too Well,’ I would play it.” And so she did, re-creating the hair-eography that made the original performance so memorable (and meme-able).

Parking Lot to Paradise When Swift’s multi-year deal with AT&T was announced back in October, one of the most exciting aspects of the partnership was the promised Super Saturday Night performance, portions of which will stream on DIRECTV’s Taylor Swift NOW at later dates (so don’t worry if you didn’t have the golden ticket in Houston). And the fact that the Club Nomadic venue — which also hosted Bruno Mars, The Chainsmokers and more artists over the past few days — was constructed out of thin air allowed for a lot of customization. “Literally, this was a parking lot in October,” Roger Hyde, DIRECTV/AT&T Entertainment Group SVP of creative services, told Billboard before Saturday’s party. “It literally was nothing. All they wanted was that it had a nice view of downtown Houston, and it had good access, and we had the opportunity to build something this big. Knowing what [Swift’s] folks wanted to do as far as the stage was concerned, we could build it around her. It’s literally a custom environment. It’s very intimate — as big as it is, it’s very intimate. No matter where you are, you’ll feel very close to her. And no matter what camera angle you see the footage from, there will be fans in the foreground and the background. She’s going to be surrounded by her greatest fans.” That setup included a video screen that spanned the entire stage, a circular platform in the middle of a sea of her supporters and a few well-timed bursts of pyro that kicked up the already-hot performance.

Only 2017 Show? Did Texas once again score Swift’s only show of the year? Last year, her Grand Prix performance in Austin was her one-and-only live event of 2016. And she seems to think this could be it for this year — at least for now. “I have to be really honest with you about something: As far as I know, I’m doing one show in 2017. And as far as I know, this is that one show,” she said to wild cheers. “So what I’m trying to tell you is, by coming here tonight, you’re essentially attending 100 percent of my tour dates for the year, so thank you! You’re the crowd in my most recent daydreams, when I’m thinking about being onstage, so I was wondering: If you don’t feel like dancing for yourself or screaming for yourself, you don’t feel in the mood or whatever, you’re like stressed out, would you do it for me tonight?”

Speaking of Dancing… Anyone who has watched a music awards show in the past five years knows Swift loves nothing more than to get her groove on. So we all knew how this party had to end. “Houston, would you like to dance?” she asked before her final number “Shake It Off” left fans dancing out the doors and into the crisp Houston night.

Taylor Swift’s set list for AT&T Presents DIRECTV NOW Super Saturday Night: New Romantics 22 Blank Space I Knew You Were Trouble Style I Don’t Wanna Live Forever You Belong With Me This Is What You Came For Better Man Red We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together Love story All Too Well Enchanted/Wildest Dreams medley Bad Blood Out of the Woods Shake It Off

  Taylor Swift’s pre-Super Bowl concert broke some news: She announced it may be her only concert of this year; she performed for the smallest number of fans in some time – 9,000 people is intimate for this pop star – and she sang her newest single live for the first time.

She also made some references to football during the 90-minute show, telling the crowd about her early country-turned-pop hit, “You Belong With Me,” with lyrics about high school cheerleaders, bleachers and boys.

“I felt like it might be appropriate,” she said.

Swift rocked the night at Club Nomadic – starting late Saturday and ending early Sunday morning – wearing a sheer, short Versace dress and fresh bangs.

The 27-year-old mostly performed songs from her Grammy-winning 2014 album “1989” and 2012’s “Red,” including pop smashes like “Shake It Off,” ”Blank Space,” ”Bad Blood,” ”Style,” ”We Are Never Getting Back Together,” ”22″ and “I Knew You Were Trouble.”

“It’s good to be in Houston, Texas tonight,” she yelled.

She worked the stage from the left to right, and strutted up the middle platform to sing closely to her feverish fans at the annual DIRECTV NOW Super Saturday Night – where past performers include Justin Timberlake and Rihanna.

“I swear you don’t. You don’t want it,” Swift said after fans begged for the towel she used to wipe the sweat from her forehead.

Swift also debuted the live performance of “I Don’t Want to Live Forever,” her Top 5 duet with former One Direction member Zayn from the “Fifty Shades Darker” soundtrack.

The crowd – full of Swift’s fans 18 and over – roared loudly, in hopes Zayn would appear. “He’s definitely not (here),” she assured them.

But she asked the audience to sing along, as she stripped the song to acoustic form, strumming her guitar.

She also slowed things down when performing songs she wrote for others – saying it was one of her biggest accomplishments of the last year. She sang a soft version “This Is What I Came For,” the EDM hit she wrote with former boyfriend Calvin Harris (Rihanna’s vocals are on the original). Swift also sang “Better Man,” a recent No.1 country hit she wrote for Grammy-winning group Little Big Town.

Swift’s last tour was a stadium trek with 60,000 seats. The singer, who won the album of the year Grammy last year for her first official pop album “1989,” said the pre-Super Bowl show would likely be her only one this year.

“As far as I know I’m only doing one show in 2017, and as far as I know, this is that show,” she said. “You are attending 100 percent of my tour dates.”

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Movie TV Tech Geeks News

[sanchoyo]

(Ask and you shall receive) 6 + 15, Kaede & Tsumugi

Bookshop AU + Criminal AU

BOYY HOWDY I AM LATE WITH THIS basically I tried to make a modern au where things are more..realistic (as much as dr can be?) but the premise isn’t too different :”) this is a good ship and tsumugi is the most underrated girl 

_____________________________________________

Kaede tapped her fingers on the table rhythmically; It was a song, one note against the wood, but the pace was solid and steady. Tsumugi loved the sound, and smiled to herself from the front desk. A notebook was laid out in front of her, copying notes from a music book into it. Kaede caught her eye and smiled; Tsumugi smiled back and looked away, eyes casted down.

The first week Kaede had come in, she’d informed the other girl they had a copy machine, and Kaede had told her writing the notes down by hand helped her memorize them. She was going to college nearby, with the goal of becoming a concert pianist. 

Tsumugi had seen a few local shows after Kaede had told her to come; And Tsumugi had fallen quickly: for her music, beautiful stories unraveling with swells and lows swooping through the air of an auditorium, and the gentle smile Kaede wore while her fingers danced. There was never a stumbling, never a mistake in those steady notes.

Tsumugi had steady hands too, so she could admire it; when she sewed, when she put books back in their homes, when she…

She caught Kaede’s eye and smiled again. Kaede abruptly put her books down, shoving the notebook into her bag and approached the front door.

“Tsumugi! Do you work a full shift today? I’m so stiff; we should go out and walk a while!”

Bold as always- it was so cute. Tsumugi tucked a stray strand hair behind her ear.

“Really, it’s not good to sit indoors all day!”

“I think I’ve mentioned, I work at a bar after I leave here, Akamatsu-san. I’m afraid I can’t.” She shrugged, and her Kaede’s entire body visibly slumped. So cute. “Mmm, maybe tomorrow?”

Kaede perked up. “Yeah, for sure! I don’t really drink a lot but maybe I could stop by the bar or something if you want?”

“Oh, I don’t know if that’s a great idea. It’s not really a bar for a girl like you.”

“A girl like me?! C’mon, I’ve been to a few parties in my time!” Kaede’s cheeks puffed out. “Is it safe for you? Is it like,” Kaede leaned in, as if sharing a secret, “really sketchy or something?”

She leaned towards Kaede, so close she could smell her flowery perfume. 

“I’m able to handle myself well enough, but thank you for your concern. I have pepper spray.” She could laugh; but it was truth enough that she could handle herself- no need to give the blonde unnecessary need to worry. 

“Okay, if you’re sure! But I should give you my number in case of emergencies, okay? Call me in a pinch! Or, y’know, if you just wanna chat!”

She opened her mouth in faux surprise, and accepted the scrap of paper; Kaede had signed it with a heart. 

“If you really want, tomorrow night...”

“Yeah! I really do wanna go out, what time?”

So they chatted, set a time and place for the next day, and Tsumugi’s hand clenched the scrap of paper tightly.

And she held it close when Kaede smiled and walked away, her perfume lingered.

“Oh dear,” She whispered to herself. This was bad! Kaede really was beautiful! And strong-willed enough...how beautiful would she look under glowing lights in full costume, how hard would her delicate hands hit if faced with adversaries?

She wanted her; more than she’d wanted anyone, in a long, long time. 

She turned open her own book, a manga murder mystery. She’d already guessed the killer from the first time she’d read it, the pretty, strawberry girl that the main character had already forgotten about after she faked her death; but for some reason, it held her attention anyway, even if she’d read it at least ten dozen times. 

Did the girl, Junko, feel remorse at all? Or did she feel glee, euphoria, and more love when she saw the impassioned fight her friends was giving? Tsumugi smiled, closing her favorite book and setting it on the counter.

She had a date to get ready for tomorrow night.

 _______________________________________________

“You’ve never read the Dangan Ronpa Murder series?”

“I dunno, it’s a little gory for me.” Kaede’s laugh was light and airy. “I know it’s just books, but I get so grossed out! I know they’re huge right now, but…”

“Mhm, they aren’t for everyone. But the main character is so noble! So willing to sacrifice everything for their friends. They remind me of you.”

“Of me?” Kaede looked up from her fries, mid-bite. “No way! I could never do that kind of stuff, I’d freak out!”

“I’ve seen you with your friends, Akamatsu-san. I think if it really came down to it, you’d try and help them however you could.”

Kaede looked like she was considering it carefully. “Yeah, when I think of them, I’d wanna try, but…” She grinned, changing the subject. “So, anyway, since you like the series, what do you think about who they’re casting for the live-actions?”

“It should’ve been animated,” Tsumugi sniffed, and she was a little bitter. “I’m not a fan of who they casted for Junko. She’s not- The wig looks too cheap! And- I have so many complaints!” She huffed, and Kaede laughed.

“You should send them your cosplay pictures to convince them to let you style her! Yours looks way better anyway,” Tsumugi felt her cheeks warm. 

“Thank you for the thought, but with all the retcons they’re doing...but oh! We should get you in a cosplay sometime! There’s a con soon!”

“That’d be fun! Even if I don’t really know the characters, it makes me really excited to think about wearing one of your costumes and hanging out all day!” Kaede propped her head on her hand, smiling. “You look so pretty when you get all excited about this, y’know?”

“Akamatsu-san-”

“You know, I think I’ve said you can call me Kaede.” Kaede slipped her hands over Tsumugi’s.

“I’m excited just being with you, Kaede.” She admitted softly. “And I’d be really happy if you want to meet me again next week?”

Kaede’s smile was like the sun. “It’s a date!”

____________________________________________________

Kaede looked even more beautiful than Tsumugi could have imagined, done up in purple and black lace, a masquerade mask over her eyes, hair pinned back.

“How does it look?”

“It still needs something.” Tsumugi circled her, checking over her own handiwork. “Maybe a hairpiece…” 

“Oh! How about a flower or something?”

She stared for a minute, considering it, trying to visualize, and Kaede ducked her head. 

“Honestly, with you staring so much I’m a little embarrassed. You don’t think it’s too much?”

“I could’ve gone more detailed with it! You wanted something simple, this is about as simple as I can do! I didn’t even put any anime references on the design!” She frowned. “I don’t know, maybe I could change your makeup a bit; something darker to show on camera more…”

“On camera? Will you be filming my performance?”

“Of course I will be! You’ll be the star of the show!” 

Kaede grinned, and gave her a quick peck on the lips. Tsumugi saw stars behind her eyes, and couldn’t stop glowing; Kaede really was perfect for this, the other girl’s attitude just made her even more sure; if she loved her so much, surely, everyone else would also-!

________________________________________________

“I don’t understand what’s going on,” Kaede muttered to the boy beside her; he was going to the same college, studying to be a detective. Tsumugi had been careful to pick students with varying fields, to make it more interesting- she hadn’t expected the boy to cling to Kaede so hard, and it was irritating to watch. 

Kaede held her dress up off the floor, so careful not to get it dirty (and wasn’t that sweet? She was by far the best dressed here, and the cameras were trained on her as the center, as they should be.) Her eyes glanced at Tsumugi, full of worry. “Where are we?”

“I don’t know,” She lied. “Weren’t we just on the way to your concert? We’ll be late…”

“Are you guys idiots? You don’t know what this is?” A short boy with purple-tinted hair laughed. “C’mon, there’s like, what, fifteen people here, none of you follow the news?”

“Don’t be fuckin’ stupid, there’s no way this is that scary-ass game show shit! No, no fuckin’ way, I don’t have time for this!” A blonde girl snapped, but her expression gave away her true feelings of panic. 

“What game show?” Kaede asked.

“It’s on the dark web. A bunch of sickos kidnap students and make them kill each other. The police haven’t made any real discoveries about it, not a single lead about who runs it or where.” Shuichi muttered. “I’ve been looking into it myself, but…”

“That’s impossible! How do they not know anything?!” An astrophysics student, Kaito, blurted out. “Seriously, they gotta be close and just not telling the public, right?”

“That’s right!” Kaede agreed. Everyone was looking at her; just as Tsumugi thought, she was a natural leader, so positive… “They’ll be here soon, until then, we all have to live and look out for each other! Right?” She looked at Tsumugi. Then softly, she murmured. “Don’t worry, okay? I seriously won’t let anyone die!”

And that would be a problem; it wasn’t like Kaede could really prevent it, but if she intended to really try… She would be a beautiful star, and an inspiring martyr. 

“Thank you, Kaede.” she squeezed her hand. “I know you’ll do great.” She knew that, because she knew Kaede, and she loved her. Still, she wished she had the foresight to put a piano around here, because she’d miss that sweet melody.

[latestnews2018-blog]

There Were Zero Things Better This Week Than Beyoncé's Braid

New Post has been published on https://latestnews2018.com/there-were-zero-things-better-this-week-than-beyonces-braid/

There Were Zero Things Better This Week Than Beyoncé's Braid

Welcome to Good Stuff, HuffPost’s weekly recommendation series devoted to the least bad things on and off the internet.  

Beyoncé has had a hell of a week. She was granted full control over Vogue magazine’s coveted September cover and used her power to hire the first black photographer to shoot the cover in 126 years. This was before she dragged the fuck out of her husband’s former mistress while performing onstage during ANOTHER sold-out world tour before she got her nails done at 1 a.m. as we lessers slept.

But her best moment came during the On The Run II tour stop in Philadelphia, when our Queen Beyoncé resurrected her high braid — a mythical creature that first graced us with its presence during the Tidal x 1015 concert in 2016. In one memorable moment, the braid takes flight, swinging to the left before floating briefly in front of its master’s face. Then it snaps to the right and drapes itself over her shoulder. Even the braid bows down, despite having the capability to slice Becky With The Good Hair in half. Wow.

How the braid whips, bounces, spins, jerks, twerks and prances through the air with a distinct choreography that, somehow, moves in tandem with Beyoncé is something I still haven’t figured out. But I am nothing more than a mere mortal gazing upon a goddess and her agile, all-powerful braid. I’m convinced that the braid is the last Infinity Stone. It will save the universe from Thanos, climate change, income inequality, racism, sexism and all other social ills since the goddess wielding it is a black woman dedicated to improving the lives of marginalized groups.

Do you now understand why your fave could never? ― Julia Craven

Henry Cavill’s Magical Beard In ‘Mission: Impossible ― Fallout’ 

my sexual orientation is henry cavill loading his biceps so hard he actually grows more beard and forms a pocket in his shirt pic.twitter.com/lo9tN3D8WR

— little king trashmouth (@masonjar92) August 2, 2018

One time in high school, I tried to grow a beard instantaneously. Everyone else laughed and said it couldn’t be done. After puckering my face a while in an attempt to squeeze out a follicle without anything happening, I started to believe them. At least, until the recent release of “Mission: Impossible ― Fallout.” From that movie comes the GIF of Henry Cavill cocking his arms and magically growing a beard. He even grows a breast pocket for good measure, like a real gentleman.

Since then, my life has changed.

I want to say thanks, Henry Cavill, for giving bare-faced high school kids hope. I want to tell you that all the grief you’ve gotten for the weird CGI cover-up in “Justice League” was worth it.

But mostly I just wanna say, “Eat my shorts, Class of 2006!” I told you it could be done. (And while I’m at it, to my childhood development class teacher: I know I said I was sorry for drinking that extra grape juice box, but I’m not. I wanted to drink it. I like grape juice. And it was delicious.) ― Bill Bradley

The RHONY Boat Ride From Hell

This week, “Real Housewives of New York” fans finally got to see the long-awaited “boat ride from hell.”

There is a particular pleasure in watching arguably terrible people you alternately love and loathe experience the terror of a clunking mini-yacht getting swept up in the choppy waters of Colombia. Sonja Morgan and Ramona Singer volleyed between screaming up at the sky and clutching each other. Carole Radziwill vomited into a champagne bucket and later said the boat was scarier than being a foreign correspondent during wartime. Bethenny Frankel held Radziwill’s hair back and tried to avoid being hit with flying deck furniture. Luann de Lesseps hit the floor for cover. Dorinda Medley frantically searched for life jackets (there was only one) as she yelled that she smelled smoke. Tinsley Mortimer and her perfect french braids were unfazed. Afterward, the housewives were safe, but they all had diarrhea.

Some might call watching the boat ride from hell a guilty pleasure, but I feel no guilt. As Vulture’s Bryan Moylan put it: “This is the apocalypse that we hath wrought and it is glorious and it is still not enough.” ― Emma Gray

A Good Week In Music

This was a really good music week. NPR kicked it off with a project that ranked “the top 200 songs by 21st century women+” ― an awesome cross-genre compilation of music from the last 18 years that I’ve spent most of the week cycling through. As a country fan, I was happy to see so many women from a genre that usually ignores them get their due, and while I naturally have some small quibbles (I might have chosen different songs by Miranda Lambert and Kacey Musgraves), the list overall was a great installment in NPR’s ongoing effort to celebrate pop music in “more inclusive ― and accurate ― ways.”

Then, on Friday morning, a friend on Twitter pointed me toward “To The Sunset,” a new album from Americana/folk/country crossover artist Amanda Shires. “To The Sunset” is yet another album that doesn’t fit neatly into any single pop genre ― Shires called it “futuristic” in an interview with The Boot this week, and has openly talked about breaking from the traditionalism of both country and Americana. You can hear that sort of sound from the opening notes of “Parking Lot Pirouette,” the album’s opening track. And “Break Out The Champagne” might wind up as one of my favorite songs of the summer.

“I don’t usually toot my own horn, but it’s a pretty good record,” Shires said in The Boot interview. I’ve only made it all the way through once as of this writing, but so far, “pretty good” is a pretty big understatement. ― Travis Waldron

A Dog Dancing With A Frilly Pink Umbrella

Dog Umbrella Dance pic.twitter.com/K3KUvO692g

— Nature is Amazing 🌴 (@AMAZlNGNATURE) August 2, 2018

Apparently this video is from 1999, if a YouTube account called ViralHog is to be believed, but I didn’t experience this jovial prancing pup until this week, so it counts. There are so many good things about this: his frilly pink umbrella, his jaunty hops, the fact that a Twitter account called “Nature Is Amazing” posted this. The best part, though, are the very stilted (and fancy!) crossover steps he takes toward the end of the video — the whole thing is 15 seconds, so don’t worry, you don’t have to wait long. What a good boy. Nature is amazing. ― Jillian Capewell

LeBron James’ School

Allison Farrand/Getty Images

LeBron James addresses the media following the grand opening of the I Promise school on July 30, 2018, in Akron, Ohio.

The best thing I saw this week was the rollout of LeBron James’ new school in his hometown of Akron, Ohio. The I Promise School, as it’s known, isn’t a private school, and it’s not a charter school. It’s a straight public school, but with exceptionally progressive ideas meant to help children in the same position James once found himself.

“I know these kids basically more than they know themselves,” he said this week. “Everything that they’re going through as kids, I know.”

As such, the I Promise School focuses on kids who are behind their peer group, and it tries to help their parents and guardians, too, with GED classes, job placement services and more. School days will be longer, as will school years, but that’s to keep the kids out of trouble. Transport is free. So is breakfast and lunch. Each kid gets a free bike and helmet. And if a child successfully graduates from James’ school, he’ll pay for his or her tuition at the University of Akron. Somehow, all that still doesn’t come close to explaining everything about this school, which came as a much-needed dose of inspiration for me this week. ― Maxwell Strachan

A Very Pretty Song About What A Disappointment I Am

Although Pitchfork tried its best to make me ashamed of it, I adored the dreamy debut Wet album, “Don’t You” so much that it dominated my 2016 Spotify wrap-up playlist. The indie pop group’s sophomore album, “Still Run,” dropped last month ― in the interim, the band went through a crisis that resulted in a lineup change and a romantic break-up between two members ― and I have now gotten around to being obsessed with one of its gorgeous singles, “Lately,” a wistful yet full-throated artistic break-up song with lilting verses that make my insides feel like they’re floating free in a sea of salt tears.

“Lately” is about trying to make someone feel useful while dealing with the reality that they’re not useful. “Lately” is about having a selfish boyfriend, maybe, or a lazy co-worker. “Lately” is about giving everything you have to give and then giving a little more and then saying “enough.” Band leader Kelly Zutrau’s voice alternately whispers and throbs; when it throbs, I feel like an invisible wire is tugging at my heart, trying to pull it out from behind my rib cage.

I listen to it all the time: on the subway, while elbowing through tourists in Union Square, while washing the dishes, while sitting at my desk. I listen to Zutrau croon, “I’ve been bending over backwards just to make you feel like you’re wanted / I use up all my energy just to make sure that you know you’re important.”

I imagine that this is what my editor thought when I sent her a rough draft that ends “TK ending, any thoughts?” and then followed up with a Slack message complaining that no one takes my writing seriously. My eyes grow damp. I softly warble, “So what have you done for me lately?” The Union Square tourists give me odd looks. I don’t care. That is the power of this song. ― Claire Fallon

‘The O.C.’, 15 Years Later

It’s been 15 years (!!!) since “The O.C.” premiered on Fox, and this story in The Washington Post was a delightful nostalgia trip that examines the role indie music played on the show. There are lots of fun tidbits in that story (who knew Rooney was named after the principal in “Ferris Bueller’s Day Off”?) but mostly, it’s just a fun look back at the melodramatic music that served as both the soundtrack to the show and to the high school years of many American teens who dreamed of living rich in California ― myself included.

Can anyone listen to The Dandy Warhols now without thinking of Seth Cohen bopping through his house in a bathrobe and a graphic tee? ― Paige Lavender

‘Eighth Grade’ Opening In Wide Release

August is always a spotty month for movies, left to catch the summer-blockbuster runoff and pave a fresh road toward Oscar season. This week’s big studio releases — the action comedy “The Spy Who Dumped Me,” the YA sci-fi knockoff “The Darkest Minds” and the melancholic kiddy caper “Christopher Robin” — are mostly disappointments. So instead, you should see “Eighth Grade.”

Centered on the social frailty of a 13-year-old (promising newcomer Elsie Fisher), Bo Burnham’s directorial debut has been steadily expanding to more theaters over the past few weeks, and now it’s nationwide, poised to delight everyone who enters its orbit. Here, middle school is just as terrifying as anything you’ve seen in “Hereditary” or “A Quiet Place” — but the movie makes up for it with a smokin’ hot dad (Josh Hamilton), salient commentary about the trials of social media, a timeless portrait of adolescent anxieties and a note-perfect music cue from the one and only Irish castle dweller known as Enya. “Eighth Grade” is the “Lady Bird” of 2018, ushering in a month full of astute films about teen girls (see: “Skate Kitchen,” “Madeline’s Madeline”). Don’t miss it. ― Matthew Jacobs

A Band Called Let’s Eat Grandma

Let’s Eat Grandma ― an experimental “sludge pop” group comprised of lifelong BFFs Jenny Hollingworth and Rosa Walton, both 19 ― released their second album, dubbed “I’m All Ears,” in early July.

A huge fan of their first album “I, Gemini,” a fairy tale-inflected freak show for the ears, I was excited to press play. The first song sounds like a threesome between Robyn and the “Phantom of the Opera” duo ― i.e. MY TWO FAVORITE THINGS.

The album perpetuates LEG’s predilection for twisting people’s perceptions of girliness to uncanny extremes. (The musicians are known to, at concerts, flip their waist-length hair over their faces and perform secret handshakes like haunted twins.) “I’m All Ears” continues to explore teenage girlhood using fantasy and horror as lenses ― or in their case, kaleidoscopes. ― Priscilla Frank

The Future Of Film Is Female

This week marked “The Future of Film is Female,” a fun series of films hosted by New York’s Museum of Modern Art, featuring women directors and creators. The organizers, Nitehawk Cinema’s Caryn Coleman and MoMA’s Rajendra Roy, did a good job picking out important, up-and-coming filmmakers to spotlight. I was lucky enough to see “Landline,” the charming 2017 comedy about family, fidelity and growing up, as well as “Bar Bahar” (“In Between”), about three female flatmates in Tel Aviv whose attitude and togetherness pushes them through tough times. “Landline,” in particular, sparkled for its snappy writing (by a woman) and its lovable lead actress (Jenny Slate). ― Anna Krakowsky

Patti Smith Eating Carrot Salad Over And Over Again

Instagram

I check the hashtag #carrotsaladatumas on a weekly basis. It’s never updated that often, but I labor in the pursuit of a digital Patti Smith sighting that warms my otherwise cold, depressive heart. In each of the photos associated with the tag, Patti appears at a Far Rockaway cafe alongside an unassuming bowl of electric orange wisps. A profoundly well-coiffed man sits next to her. It’s always Klaus. (Klaus Biesenbach, the violently handsome former museum director of New York’s MoMA PS1, who’s headed to LA for a fancy new gig.) And his caption is usually the same: “good to have a weekly routine.” Goddamnit, he’s right. ― Katherine Brooks

Read last week’s Good Stuff.

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Hyperallergic: Why Patti Smith Writes

Patti Smith (photo by Steven Sebring)

Patti Smith knows her new book, Devotion (Yale University Press, 2017), isn’t for everyone, but it’s a gift for those who get it. “I think the kind of people who will like this book — because I think a lot of people won’t like it or will dismiss it — are people who like to read and are curious to see how a piece of work comes together,” she tells me. By turns allegorical, metaphysical, fictional and factual, Devotion shows rather than tells what it means to give a life to writing. A master of poetic innovation, Smith takes her style to the next level in this slim volume, embedding a tragic short story between an autobiographical introduction and a shorter essayistic coda, which demonstrate how her direct experience traveling around Europe alchemized into a short story.

I first encountered Smith’s work when I was in my early twenties. Like so many people before me, it gave me permission to do what I wanted to do, reminded me that it had never been easy and testified to the power of love. Sometimes, in the ensuing years I would pick up a book of hers mid heartbreak or writer’s block, post coitus or cry, and flip to a random page. Smith’s words brought inspiration and guidance without fail.

With the release of Devotion, she formalizes the guidance many have sought from her. I had the chance to speak with her directly. Our conversation roved from spiritual practice to mentorship to musicality and back.

Katherine Cooper: How do you begin a book?

Patti Smith: Well with this little book, Devotion, the genesis was a talk I was invited to give at Yale about writing, and then the idea was that I was supposed to expand the talk into an essay about writing. How I set to work with Robert’s book was, again, not something that I chose. I had promised Robert, the day before he died, that I would write our story. I had been mostly unpublished (still am) so it was a bit daunting to start such a big nonfiction project. I wrote many, many chronological outlines trying to remember everything that I could. M Train was much more fun. The cowpoke in M Train is really Sam Shepherd and Sam and I talk about writing all of the time. I had this dream about him and then I just decided to see if I could sit day after day writin’ about nothing, no plot or anything, you know, just writin’, to see what happened.

KC: It’s interesting to hear you call Just Kids “Robert’s book”— you’ve said that you see the making of art as a gift. Devotion is dedicated to Betsy Lerner, but who is it for more broadly?

PS: I dedicated it to Betsy because she has been my editor since Just Kids. It took me so long to write that book that I was actually dropped by the first publisher, which was Doubleday, and Betsy continued on with me. She also eventually left Doubleday and she became my agent and continues to be my guide. But I suppose it’s to people who like to read or people who are writing.

KC: Eugenia, your central character in the story, is born with a natural gift for ice skating. It’s in vogue right now to think of creativity as innate to everyone—I wonder if you think that some people are just born with talent and some aren’t?

PS: A creative impulse doesn’t have to blossom as art. But absolutely some people are born with special gifts and they can be excruciating and cause a great amount of sacrifice. What it means is that you go through life sometimes with a half life because at least half of your life is devoted to practicing, working, developing your craft. Many people can learn things but I think there are others who, for whatever reason, have a calling— it’s in their blood, their ancestors had a specific affinity towards a certain thing, or [they’re] touched by God. It doesn’t make them more valuable than another person, but people do have gifts. And then there is the lack of gifts. I would love to speak language, for instance, but I can’t speak anything really except English — yet there is a cashier at the deli down the street who can speak fourteen languages and I keep telling him, “you should work for the UN!” He’s a polymath.

KC: Yeah I was gonna say he’s not only a cashier, he’s a polymath.

PS: He’s not a cashier, he just plays one on TV.

KC: This book is in many ways the first book you’ve written that’s not devoted to someone that you have been involved with — Robert Mapplethorpe is the central figure in Just Kids and your late husband Fred Sonic Smith is in M Train ….

PS: The story is called Devotion, but what [Eugenia] is devoted to is not a love interest. The love interest to me in this little book is writing. And for her, her love interest is skating. It’s one’s craft.

KC: I was paging through M Train again, after I read Devotion. I was struck by a line the Cowpoke says right at the beginning: “The writer is a conductor.” Devotion has a musicality to it. It’s almost like a fugue. I was curious what role musical form or music played in how you structured this book, if it did at all.

PS: In the beginning, I’m talking about this film, In The Crosswinds, about the Estonians. If you felt like it, you could go to the YouTube and see the trailer. You hear a voice, the voice of Erma. I don’t know the Estonian language but this girl had the most lyrical voice and it haunted me like a musical refrain. I’m sure that in the book I talk about it: “Luckily traffic is thin as we enter the Holland Tunnel. Relieved, I sink back into the voice of Erma. I imagine writing a story guided by the atmosphere of the particular resonance of a particular human voice — her voice — no plot in mind, just trailing her tone, timbres and composing phrases as if music and superimposing them, transparent layers, over hers.” I didn’t have music in my head per say but I had that musical quality of her voice as my inner voice for that story. That was just something I did that I figured no one would notice.

KC: Rhythmically it feels so distinct as opposed to the other two parts.

PS: Also, I wrote the whole story on a train, so I think that also comes into play.

KC: The title of the series “Why I Write” gives the illusion that you might be in for a straightforward answer but —

PS: Well, I think that the last line of the book answers it as well as it could be answered. My answer is the same as [Eugenia’s] answer: “We write because we cannot simply live.” I can’t even go to the bathroom without a book in my hand. I have to have a book with me, or a notebook, and I’ve been like that for most of my life. You know, being an artist is like being a double agent. You’re trying to move through life with full attention but you can’t because something happens that triggers an idea. I’ll be sitting at a concert listening to Beethoven and my mind makes up a story and then I feel compelled to write it instead of listening to Beethoven. It’s that dual thing. You wanna engage fully in life and give your loved ones your full attention but often you just can’t.

KC: Somebody once said to me, “When Patti speaks she incants; very few people have that ability.” How do you cultivate a practical relationship with the divine in your writing and performing?

PS: We always aspire to something higher. As a child, it seemed to me disappointing to be in a world where everything was already figured out and there was nothing more to want to achieve than making a living. My mother taught me about god before I went to Sunday school. That to me was very liberating, the idea that there was some higher force. I didn’t really have any expectations or idea of what god was, it was simply that there was something to aspire to, something that kept on going, that was infinite.

It might be as something as practical as you’re on stage and you flub something, so you just draw from some part of you for everyone to have a good laugh to transcend this rough moment and then it becomes a courageous act instead of just a piece of humiliation. Other times it’s something deeper. The way I practice communing with this other aspect, this intimate aspect, is forever changing, Sometimes it’s just talking to my mother. Sometimes it might be very abstract prayers that have no words and sometimes it might come through in a piece of work. I don’t have any specific belief system or expectations. I just believe.

KC: As I was reading this book I was thinking about the relationships of mentorship and inspiration that are peppered throughout it. You find yourself at this moment becoming an inspiration and an icon for young artists specifically — it seems like a lot of people are turning to you for answers. In my view, your work presents questions and mystery. I wonder — do you share some of your characters’ ambivalence about mentor status?

PS: Eugenia has two mentors — Maria and Alexander — but in the end the one she believes in the most is herself. She keeps showing them that she’s her own person. She has a vision that might be beyond their grasp.

It’s the mentor’s duty to let his acolyte go on without them and hopefully eclipse them. Sometimes people thank me because they say, I helped them get on the right track or something of that nature and I always tell them, “I’m glad that I was of service but you would have found it on your own.”

Sometimes [people] hold you in reverence or something and that’s a very nice thing but I think it’s really important to say “Thank you but may you eclipse my own efforts.” Or, “may you do something totally different. I have no desire to be a leader of a cult or anything. I’m a responsible person but I don’t wanna have the responsibility of all these people. I want them to be responsible for themselves and believe in themselves. I’ve been inspired by hundreds of people, thousands of books, songs and movies. Even in this little book it was Patrick Modiano and Simone Weil and the little Russian skater, all these different factions in the cauldron of my brain stirring it up and that’s what came out — this little story and this little book.

The post Why Patti Smith Writes appeared first on Hyperallergic.

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