#haven’t posted about him in a while

[edgynoise-art]

My boy Theo ❤️

[misty-moth]

I was sitting here thinking about how Gil has the cane clack sound effect while Silvio has the jingle jangle sound effect… and how it is absurd that Keith didn’t get a sound effect.

Then I was trying to figure out what sound he could possibly have, and all I could think of is a very soft “sorry” every time he makes an entrance and I’ve been laughing at my own dumb joke for about 5 minutes now.

…I also considered *deer noises* and it had a similar effect…

[nattikay]

Spider is not Jake and Neytiri’s kid and they had no obligation to act as his surrogate parents

[whereismyhat5678]

I had completely forgotten I made these doodles like- at least 2 weeks ago and they’ve been just sitting here doing NOTHING

Caine my beloved ❤️❤️ I am so sorry I am just posting these, and for god sakes I don’t know what that random obsession with you was a few weeks ago but IT WAS SOMETHING-

[giddlygoat]

hater has disturbing reoccurring dreams about wander crawling inside his ribcage that always have him waking up in a cold sweat [they just feel too real and hater can’t place why]. wander has reoccurring dreams of hater ceremoniously destroying him with the Disaster Blaster and it’s the one dream he doesn’t eagerly blab to sylvia about because he doesn’t know how to tell her that it never feels like a nightmare. soooo is anyone else sick in the head or is it just me

[gothic-mothic]

Have I ever posted my Water Narrator thoughts?

For a while, I’ve thought of the use of Water as symbolism for The Narrator, in and out of game context

I think these thoughts are most reasonable when looking at The Skip Button Ending and The Epilogue. In The Skip Button ending when The Narrator first sees a bad review they (Stanley and The Narrator) go outside to see that it’s starting to rain. This continues the duration they spend outside, The Narrator’s stirring mind evident by the distant thunder and as we get closer to the edge of the land we see a large ocean. And what rises out of it? The Narrator’s newest creation, The Skip Button. With this all happening it wouldn’t be outlandish to associate The Narrator and the water outside. Once Stanley’s inside the concrete room we are taken away from the water over time. It dries up along with The Narrator and at the end of those many years we’re left with a tundra; a desert that hasn’t seen water in years. And The Epilogue doesn’t dispute this, the only life we see being Stanley and TK

More into my personal thoughts, The Narrator is vast like the ocean we see. All encompassing; he surrounds his story (a comic I made that slightly echos these ideas).

It rains when he cries, it boils when he’s angry, the clouds fly as he breathes

I talk ab this a tiny bit more in the tags of this post (warning: he’s a bit naked) (ignore the last tag um)

[akkivee]

the pivotal points in bat’s past 🤔

kuukou

age ????- his best friend moved away

age 14: attained a higher level of asceticism than his father, met hitoya who helped clear an assault charge on some good will that went awry

age 15: left home to flex his talent, got humbled quick lol but met ichiro and vowed to grow stronger

jyushi:

age ???? (presumably 6)- received amanda from his grandmother

age 13- started middle school where he ‘befriends’ iyogi

age 14- has been a victim of bullying for a year and the bullying escalated to the point his grandmother was killed. met hitoya who made sure iyogi ain’t seeing the light ever again and a little later helped jyushi find the will to keep living

hitoya

age 14- loses his brother

age 23- upon receiving a tip, he decided to change majors from being a doctor to a lawyer in order to jail the guy that bullied his brother. broke up with jakurai after a disagreement

age 31- meets kuukou and jyushi for the first time and we see the fruits of his lawyer efforts

[neim-batteries-not-included]

It’s asexual awareness week!!! I present the most aware asexual!!!

(Possible eyestrain and trypophobia, vague spoilers for tma under the cut)

That is not his cardigan. You can decide whose it is, but it’s. It’s not his.

(Click for better quality)

[chibishortdeath]

This is based off of an audio clip from Silent Hill, a game I sadly have not gotten to play yet :(, but I saw someone else’s animation of the clip and got really inspired by it. Idk if I’ll ever actually animate this scene or anything, but it got me to draw Hector and Julia so it was worth it lol

[deputyrook]

yesterday I was inexplicably super exhausted all day (to the point where I thought about pulling over to pass out a couple times) and ended up going to bed at 8:45. but as I was driving during the day I was like “oh, it’s because it’s time for me to receive a prophetic vision or magical message through my dreams from my spirit guide again, he’s beckoning me to sleep.”

and uhhhh yep! kind of!

[salemripley]

I miss talking about him

[felixravinstills]

I thought that I should let you all know that I’m still thinking about Felix Ravinstill

[commence-screaming]

I know you all are awaiting my response, and I’m grateful for your patience. There are some things I have to address here. Never wanted to put everything out there—I don’t like drama on my blog. I have a document that’s over a thousand words long, but I realized that when people have blocked me and are saying stuff in the main tag, they don’t want to listen. They just want to hurt me.

So I guess now there are things I have to clarify… it’s heavy, but I tried to keep it short. I didn’t have the energy to read everything they were saying about me so I may get things wrong. I didn’t really want to post this.

Content warnings for mental illness, suicidal ideation, mentions of abuse.

Let’s get right into it.

1. I’ve always lived with the paranoid delusion that everyone was conspiring against me, that people secretly hated me and would smear me behind my back. I passed these off as negative thoughts, anything that might’ve “confirmed” this would set it off. I’d have an episode I would have to deal with on my own. I thought that nobody would stick with me in a crisis, and I would always be thinking along the lines of, “is it all over?”

I feel liberated, now. There’s no need to fight when they’re true. I am more at peace with myself.

2. I never want to hurt anyone. Not a real level, the angst stuff is fictional pain. I am autistic—the things you’re hearing me say are the first times I’ve talked to people (other than my family) for my entire life. I always want people to go to me when I do something wrong so I can handle it and learn from my mistakes, that’s why I have my bio set to what it is.

That, and my memory is so fuzzy that I can’t remember too much from even last week. I tend to dissociate and my brain turns into mush.

3. The “minor incident” that Ghouse and the others were talking about was one of his mods saying she’d “tear people apart” and then immediately citing me as the main cause because I was “being rude.” I told her why I was taking a break, as I couldn’t handle it, this had happened before and I asked them to correct me if I was wrong—even confirming multiple times that we were just joking around because I was paranoid.

I suggested they go straight to me for future reference. I was having a mental health episode. She called me crazy and that I was overreacting, implying I was stupid. Another mod told me I was overreacting and that I was acting pathetic and childish. This made point 1 so much worse.

4. The “suicide baiting” was something I told the Panic Room server in confidence. I told them I was talking a break. Ghouse said “it wasn’t that bad but okay,” as if he were gaslighting me. He said things like this as I was sobbing alone in my room, which he was well aware of.

I have to clarify that it wasn’t baiting. Suicidal ideation has been something I’ve been dealing with since I was 9 years old. I have been abused/gaslit for more of my life than I have been safe. I never wanted to say this, but they were brushing me off at a point where I was trying to find a reason to live. I had stupidly thought that they would understand what they were doing to me if I said.

5. That was the first time I had an episode like that. To say that it was baiting is to say I was lying. Let’s play devil’s advocate here.

If I were lying for attention, why would I destroy all my relationships in a single night? Why wouldn’t I make art or something along those lines? They’re big on art.

If I wasn’t, then that would mean that I was having a few bad days and they did nothing to help me… beyond condescendingly saying that I need help. I don’t blame the minors in the server, I’m talking about Ghouse, who is older than I am by around 2 years. I told them I called 988 and it didn’t really work. He continued to tell me off.

After I was kicked I was made aware that they immediately started insulting me. Whether you believe me or not, purposely attacking someone who’s mentally ill is… too far. I hadn’t done anything to them before this incident.

6. The reasons I freaked out was because I was sad that I had unintentionally hurt people, I had started a new, dangerous job, and… well, to be honest, I was terrified.

They were making me forget that I’d been hurt. I was starting to trust them. I had been starting to look forward to tomorrow. And, I was so scared that it would all be over. I didn’t know when, just that it would be.

Now, it is.

7. I may very well have been joking around with everything while on the server, but serious topics were serious. I was never “demeaning” when Ghouse was venting about something that happened to him beyond a couple of lighthearted comments. I thought they’d have the same respect for me. Again, I had confirmed multiple times that I was joking.

8. I might not have done much wrong in the Panic Room situation, but the other things that people are saying about me? I had no idea.

That was the first time I’d ever heard of them.

In the past, my autism had gone completely unchecked. some of those things were from when I was a week into being on my first server… ever. I was 17, had no idea how to check for age or even pronouns. Never used anything but tumblr, never interacted with anyone. Never went to school or even had a job at that point. I more tried to figure out everything based off of my own experiences… which was, not good. To say the least. The things I did, in my head, I thought they were “normal.” This doesn’t make it less terrible, but I hadn’t even remembered some of the incidents until someone pointed it out. It was so mundane to me—I was a messed up child. I’m sorry for this.

8. I wasn’t the best person, I really wasn’t. I didn’t know how to “mask” my traits at that time, I was excited to be able to talk to people. I was protective over my friends (my first friends! ever!) and very clingy. I didn’t know that people held characters close to their hearts, either? (When I have a favorite, I only want to hurt them, you see)

So while the doc was deliberately taking things out of context, some of the other accusations are true, unfortunately. I will be posting my DMs between me and the people on the server in my doc.

9. I have explanations for what I’ve seen of the accusations, but I don’t really recall anything from that incident over 3 years ago… if someone had told me, or even confronted me, I’d have known what was wrong. But they didn’t, and they kept talking to me like everything was normal. I was completely unaware. This is most of the reason I thought people were plotting against me—people would be cold to me and I wouldn’t know why. The worst part is that I can’t apologize. I can’t even try to rectify anything. Some of the people in that server still played PAYDAY 2 with me, some would even reply to my DMs. I had… no idea.

I have hurt people. Unknowingly, but still. I apologize to anyone I’ve affected. Most of it was not knowing how basic social media functions worked. I hope you understand that my behavior was out of line, and that I didn’t mean for any of this to happen. Don’t defend me on that, I was entirely wrong. But… smearing me in the fandom tag instead of going to me directly means that they want to attack me. They don’t want an explanation.

All of my actions were genuine. I never intended to hurt anyone, but that’s what ended up happening. I’ll put more detail into the doc.

10. I was already going to take a break. I was already doing poorly, and the server knew this. At that point, they want me to go through with it. What else would they be saying when they do all of this? Unless I’m reading that wrong. Whatever the reason is, they don’t want to help me, they’re deliberately being malicious and they know I wasn’t baiting.

Although, I guess I have to thank them. Now, I can say that I wasn’t delusional. I can say that I was too smart for my own good. How crazy does it sound to think that everyone was just waiting to betray me? But… they were. I can begin to trust myself again, even if it’s accepting some of my “negative thoughts” as reality. I won’t be reaching out to anyone I don’t already know, and there is safety in never putting myself out there again.

Thank you to everybody who stuck around. My delusions… weren’t entirely correct. Just like how most of my former friends blocked me on sight, there were a few people who didn’t mind when I wasn’t responding. There are some people who believed in me to a point where even if all those accusations were true, they believed that I could change. That’s… something I never thought I’d hear, ever, in my life. That is a form of trust I don’t deserve, really.

So, I was wrong again. Not everyone wanted me gone. It took all of this for me to realize that there were people who loved me in the truest form of it.

As for everyone who cut me off… well, I hope you understand that because of my mental issues, I can never trust you beyond a professional level. It is for my own wellbeing, because I’m still not doing good. I will still be taking that break. The PAYDAY 2 fandom was a source of reprieve for me, and now it’s not. It wasn’t an accident that it turned out that way. All my safe spaces have been taken from me. I don’t know why the Panic Room server hated me, so I can’t provide any extra insight on that.

The truth is, I haven’t been around because I’ve been dealing with depression for a long time. I’ve been passively… yknow. Not actively. I haven’t had the energy to respond to anything on most days, I’m sorry for that :(

All of this was just the breaking point, really.

Thank you for reading. I know most people won’t, but I appreciate those who do. I won’t blame the rest of you if you all decide to leave as well, I understand that. I never made the blog for other people, I made it for myself. This whole thing will serve as a reminder that there are more important things than online spaces. Can’t get therapy because I’m broke, but I can enjoy the few things I still can… even if I’m reminded of what I’ve lost. I don’t think I’ll really be here anymore, but I will be okay.

[avionvadion]

Hrm. Do I wanna make M!Robin/Grima another husbando or another bestie for Irene in Desperate Decisions???

I don’t know why, but I was trying to sleep last night when my brain had a thought of Irene summoning Robin but it was actually Grima, and Irene summoning Robin but it’s not Henry’s Robin, although when she does summon her they are def gonna be besties.

And Irene just being like, “Uhhhhh this is super bad but also maybe a good thing because if Grima is here he can’t kill or cause havoc in his world? That said- ROBIN OH GODS WHAT DO I DO I SUMMONED ANOTHER VERSION OF YOU BUT YOU’RE POSSESSED.”

Also the thought of F!Morgan having Irene’s brown hair but Robin’s brown eyes thus making her the one most resembling Irene out of the entire fam is honestly kind of hilarious. Like one look at F!Morgan and it’s like, “Yup, that’s Irene’s kid,” but then Morgan talks and it’s like, “OH THAT’S ROBIN’S KID.”

Also. Chaotic under qualified surviving on coffee strategist Irene who has zero idea what she’s doing and calm cool collected definitely knows what he’s doing despite amnesia Robin is bound to be a delightful dynamic either way.

I’m planning for them all to live in Ylisse after the main story ends (whenever that is) so they could totally just go and hang out in Robin’s Ylisse. (Was originally planning for it be Henry’s Ylisse but my brain said HEY ROBIN.)

[deepseawave]

obsessed w the tags on ur last reblog

Omgg, thank you haha, it was a quality post so I just had to appreciate it in full force 😂❤️

Can‘t believe someone would actually enjoy my yapping :,D

[jitteryjive]

i need to remake my cup bros ref… both cup and human designs… it’s been almost a year(?) and i’ve developed the headcanons and i would like to share with the class!!! (i wrote thirty tags. Please help me)