#hating myself hours

[nightmarebunnyking]

I wonder if wukong goes through so much self hate,that it consumes him,every fuck up and mistakes,bad decisions hunting his mind,no matter if he asleep or awake,feeling isolated and trapped in his own mind like he was under the mountain but this time no master to left the rock off his shoulders

[alovesreading]

having a pathetic mental breakdown rn cos i truly feel like i have lost my ability to write. i’ve been trying, i swear, but i just hate everything i’m writing and it’s so fucking frustrating. currently crying cos it’s apparently the only thing i know how to properly do. anyway, i’ll probably delete this later in the morning but i’m just so fucking annoyed at myself cos i really wanted to post soon but all i can write is utter fucking wank. i hate it and i hate myself. yous deserve someone who can keep up with their writing quality and is consistent with their posting, i’m so sorry i’m a fucking mess. i hate letting people down and i feel like that’s all i’m doing at the moment.

[azurecanary]

Well guess who failed out of college?

Again

[aplaceinme]

.

[phantomoftheparadise0002]

Looks into mirror: who's that stupid looking bitch? *cries* oh shit it's me

[skinnyprincess103]

im really struggling with my body image today and i already lost more than half of the weight i wanted to and i still feel so fat and like it made no difference even tho my mom said im skinnier im just so sad :(

[natduskfall]

Kinda afraid to post this but fuck it i hope there will not be consequences.

Why do I feel like what I truly am meant to do in life is art?

Art doesn’t come easy to me. I hate drawing. I hate painting. I hate anything I create. Nothing is ever good enough. It takes me 12 hours to just sketch an idea, and even so the sketch is messy with unfinished parts. I never know how to approach any idea, or how to continue on the sketch. I struggle to imagine anything. I depend on references. I cannot draw anything without references. I cannot think of situations, scenarios, poses, angles. I will freeze and go into a loop when I have to sketch a background. And then I give up. A part of me wants so much to create. I tried quitting art so many times, but it would never last, and I always come back. I dread making art, and I tend to avoid drawing on every occasion, which in turn makes me feel depressed because “I should be drawing”. I keep thinking about applying for art education or art courses, but I also think I don’t have what it takes.

But it wasn’t always like this. When I was a child, I would draw for hours until I couldn’t bend my fingers. I would finish whole pieces in one sitting. I was capable of experimenting, relying on my intuition, coming up with poses or scenarios, and even coming up with backgrounds. I felt good with my art. Yes, I knew I needed to improve, and that my art was not very good when compared to older artists, but for me, it was enough. I couldn’t really show my art to my family members or peers, and online it never got any interaction, but I felt fulfilled. 

Things only started changing when I ended primary education, and went to secondary school. I started feeling like I don’t draw enough, and what I draw is uninspired and badly executed. I struggled to find joy in creating. I would compare my art to my classmate, and to my mutuals online, and I felt hopelessness and despair.

Even so, when I look back at the works I did in that time, they still feel so much more original, fleshed out, inspired, and spontaneous then what I’m doing now.

And I find myself desperate to find answers to what changed. How do I go back. Is there a way for me to get better? Can I get my spark back? Is there perhaps some therapy aimed at artists? Would art education help me? Do I need to work on my technique, the fundamentals, or do I need to work on my mental health, my relationship with art? What do I do?

[inkskinned]

the thing about art is that it was always supposed to be about us, about the human-ness of us, the impossible and beautiful reality that we (for centuries) have stood still, transfixed by music. that we can close our eyes and cry about the same book passage; the events of which aren't real and never happened. theatre in shakespeare's time was as real as it is now; we all laugh at the same cue (pursued by bear), separated hundreds of years apart.

three years ago my housemates were jamming outdoors, just messing around with their instruments, mostly just making noise. our neighbors - shy, cautious, a little sheepish - sat down and started playing. i don't really know how it happened; i was somehow in charge of dancing, barefoot and laughing - but i looked up, and our yard was full of people. kids stacked on the shoulders of parents. old couples holding hands. someone had brought sidewalk chalk; our front walk became a riot of color. someone ran in with a flute and played the most astounding solo i've ever heard in my life, upright and wiggling, skipping as she did so. she only paused because the violin player was kicking his heels up and she was laughing too hard to continue.

two weeks ago my friend and i met in the basement of her apartment complex so she could work out a piece of choreography. we have a language barrier - i'm not as good at ASL as i'd like to be (i'm still learning!) so we communicate mostly through the notes app and this strange secret language of dancers - we have the same movement vocabulary. the two of us cracking jokes at each other, giggling. there were kids in the basement too, who had been playing soccer until we took up the far corner of the room. one by one they made their slow way over like feral cats - they laid down, belly-flat against the floor, just watching. my friend and i were not in tutus - we were in slouchy shirts and leggings and socks. nothing fancy. but when i asked the kids would you like to dance too? they were immediately on their feet and spinning. i love when people dance with abandon, the wild and leggy fervor of childhood. i think it is gorgeous.

their adults showed up eventually, and a few of them said hey, let's not bother the nice ladies. but they weren't bothering us, they were just having fun - so. a few of the adults started dancing awkwardly along, and then most of the adults. someone brought down a better sound system. someone opened a watermelon and started handing out slices. it was 8 PM on a tuesday and nothing about that day was particularly special; we might as well party.

one time i hosted a free "paint along party" and about 20 adults worked quietly while i taught them how to paint nessie. one time i taught community dance classes and so many people showed up we had to move the whole thing outside. we used chairs and coatracks to balance. one time i showed up to a random band playing in a random location, and the whole thing got packed so quickly we had to open every door and window in the place.

i don't think i can tell you how much people want to be making art and engaging with art. they want to, desperately. so many people would be stunning artists, but they are lied to and told from a very young age that art only matters if it is planned, purposeful, beautiful. that if you have an idea, you need to be able to express it perfectly. this is not true. you don't get only 1 chance to communicate. you can spend a lifetime trying to display exactly 1 thing you can never quite language. you can just express the "!!??!!!"-ing-ness of being alive; that is something none of us really have a full grasp on creating. and even when we can't make what we want - god, it feels fucking good to try. and even just enjoying other artists - art inherently rewards the act of participating.

i wasn't raised wealthy. whenever i make a post about art, someone inevitably says something along the lines of well some of us aren't that lucky. i am not lucky; i am dedicated. i have a chronic condition, my hands are constantly in pain. i am not neurotypical, nor was i raised safe. i worked 5-7 jobs while some of these memories happened. i chose art because it mattered to me more than anything on this fucking planet - i would work 80 hours a week just so i could afford to write in 3 of them.

and i am still telling you - if you are called to make art, you are called to the part of you that is human. you do not have to be good at it. you do not have to have enormous amounts of privilege. you can just... give yourself permission. you can just say i'm going to make something now and then - go out and make it. raquel it won't be good though that is okay, i don't make good things every time either. besides. who decides what good even is?

you weren't called to make something because you wanted it to be good, you were called to make something because it is a basic instinct. you were taught to judge its worth and over-value perfection. you are doing something impossible. a god's ability: from nothing springs creation.

a few months ago i found a piece of sidewalk chalk and started drawing. within an hour i had somehow collected a small classroom of young children. their adults often brought their own chalk. i looked up and about fifteen families had joined me from around the block. we drew scrangly unicorns and messed up flowers and one girl asked me to draw charizard. i am not good at drawing. i basically drew an orb with wings. you would have thought i drew her the mona lisa. she dragged her mother over and pointed and said look! look what she drew for me and, in the moment, i admit i flinched (sorry, i don't -). but the mother just grinned at me. he's beautiful. and then she sat down and started drawing.

someone took a picture of it. it was in the local newspaper. the summary underneath said joyful and spontaneous artwork from local artists springs up in public gallery. in the picture, a little girl covered in chalk dust has her head thrown back, delighted. laughing.

[blackkatdraws2]

[Toon x Mobster] A tender moment.

[Animation timelapse here!]

[AUDIO USED:] Chet Baker - Almost Blue Sound Effects edited by me!

[demaparbat-hp]

Their actual first meeting in the Kyoshi Warriors AU!

Katara had her Oh moment before exchanging a word with Jian Li, and while she gets over it in time (or, at least, convinces herself that she's not embarrassed by her initial reaction to him) this quasi-interaction haunts her for the first couple of days of their stay in Kyoshi Island.

It's just not fair that the place is full of gorgeous people! Or that he's not only beautiful, but also kind and awkward and respectful and dorky and—oh, La—she's in trouble.

[hellenhighwater]

wait, you're a lawyer? for real?

I got an associates in stage tech, a double BFA in Graphic Design and 3D Design, and then went to law school on full academic scholarship, booked twelve classes, fell asleep during the Bar Exam three times (but passed with flying colors before the curve), and the motion for my admission to practice (put forward by my brother, also a lawyer), started, "My sister has many issues, but the one before the Court today is that of her admission to the State Bar of Michigan."

And somehow yes, they do let me practice law.

[icewindandboringhorror]

On average, what is the total MONTHLY amount that you spend on dining out*?

*(This doesn't only count going out to restaurants, but also stuff like picking up fast food to bring home, getting a coffee on the way to work, getting a premade sandwich from a grocery store deli during lunch, buying a quick snack from a convenience store or food cart whilst walking somewhere, ordering a pizza or any other food to be delivered to your home, etc.)

*(If you often dine out in groups/as a household: calculate and divide the costs so that you get a Per Person average. This is for YOU individually, NOT the total household/group costs)

(I'm sure polls similar to this have been made before (very common topic), I just haven't personally seen one that I can remember, so, I was curious to do my own! I was discussing this with a group of people today and it was very interesting to see how widely the number varied between individuals. :0c )

(Reblog for bigger sample size if you can, and feel free to explain your answer in tags if there's anything extra to add!)

[tazuransi]

doodles from twitter…. mothra and her ugly ass husband

[emacrow]

Young justice league and danny in a mysterious dark labyrinth.

"You just had to touch that artifact.." Konner said flatly as they were dumped in the middle of the deep dark dank labyrinth. Dick is still trying to get comms to come back but there was nothing as it seem the labyrinth was anti-electricity as every phone was dead including the back up tater.

"Does anyone see anything to light a match or flame?" Dick asked to the other members while danny remained quiet. Only for Konner's face to brighten up and grabbed danny by his waist, and shaking him at high speed for a moment before setting him back down.

Danny's whole body suddenly illuminate a bright neon green tone color lighting up the room immediately.

"Ho-." Wally was about to question how the heck danny able to do that.

"Remember that ride at Disney that spins you around, up and down and sideways?." Konner said with a amusing smile.

[emotional-emotion]

Seinfeld (1989 - 1998) 6.23 The Face Painter

[cashmoneyyysstuff]

yall i have a confession to make….i fucking hate slowburn.