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recoveringdreamer · 1 year

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TIMING: current PARTIES: @closingwaters & @recoveringdreamer LOCATION: darkling lake SUMMARY: teagan and felix find their spa day interrupted by teagan's 'duties.' CONTENT WARNINGS: references to parental death & sibling death

Rage was the tempest of emotions, a turbulent storm churning with sorrow and anger. Like thunder and lightning colliding in the dark, relentless sky that made up the core of the nix’s heart. She didn’t tremble, she didn’t shake. As she set up each new trap in the surrounding forest of the lake, Teagan was the calmest she had been in weeks. For as long as she could remember, the storm never broke, it never ceased to be a calamitous eruption, but now?

All Teagan could feel was a slight rumble. She’d failed before, but this time would be different. She’d be far more calculated and far more careful. Having a desperate wish, Teagan would heed the ghosts of her regrets and failings, accepting that her heart would always be haunted by hundreds of ghosts. There would be no exorcism, and there would be no turning back. She’d done that enough when she let her family die.

“Okay, next we’re going to polish this off with some spritz.” A sweet aroma danced in the air as the bottle was squeezed after the face mask was removed. It had been days since the traps were set, with no bites. Patience would just have to be taken over satisfaction, and as she waited, Teagan would enjoy her times of peace. Invite Felix over, who was quickly becoming something of a very good friend. They needed someone to help them relax, and Teagan needed the same. It only made sense to utilize her time that way.

“How are ya feelin’? Posh and relaxed?”

This was definitely new. Self care wasn’t something Felix had ever really been taught, even before their mother’s death. While she had been more worldly than their father, she hadn’t had much time for face masks and spa days, too busy teaching her children how to live in two worlds without knowing they’d one day be plucked up and forced to exist only in one. After she was gone, of course, the concept itself became laughable. Their father went into survival mode, consumed by his grief and his vengeance, and there was no room for anything outside of it. ‘Self care,’ in that cabin in the woods that was half home and half jail cell, was getting a few hours of sleep before being shoved out the door to patrol the perimeter and kill anything that dared to break it.

So this was a new experience. But Felix didn’t think it was a bad one. They weren’t sure what they were supposed to be feeling with the weird clay resting upon their face, but it wasn’t uncomfortable. And Teagan, as always, was good company. She seemed serious about making sure Felix had a genuinely relaxing day, and they didn’t think anyone else had ever done that before.

“It’s nice,” they confirmed, smiling a little. “Relaxing. What about you? Are you having fun? It’s your spa day, too. And we’re in your house, so, you know, I think it’s important that you enjoy yourself, too.”

A soft smile laid sweetly on Teagan’s face, eyes twinkling with joy that Felix managed to actually feel relaxed. Everything she was, was meant to protect. Whether it was with claws and fists, or with gentle whispers and lingering affections, she could do both. “Good, good.” She booped Felix’s nose playfully, spritzing herself now that she was done taking care of them. Always a second thought, always last to be fed. “Look at me, I’m relaxing, too, enaid. I’m having loads of fun. Taking care of others is my nature.” Her smile was reassuring, and she planted a kiss to Felix’s forehead before grabbing her cane and heading to the kitchen for some snacks.

“All…right! I made a delicious tray of goodies. Stones, berries—not the ones that will make us tired grumps—cheeses, and some salami for your carnivorous side. None for me though. Too much salt!” The tray was placed down with a quiet and metallic clink, the arrangement something like a Pinterest photo. And honestly, that’s exactly where Teagan got it from. She spent hours on Pinterest and YouTube trying to figure out how to do it all. Thankfully, it came out beautifully. “Go ahead and dig in. I’ll get the wine and–” A chime interrupted her thought, freezing Teagan into one spot for a few beats before she collected herself. Traps have been set off. They needed to be checked.

“I need to do something.” She excused herself calmly, lying with a bright smile as she walked backwardly toward the door. “Enjoy the heated blanket and snacks, and I’ll be back as soon as possible.” Taking one last look at the chime, Teagan bursted into a sprint, straight toward the trap connected to the alarm.

Felix looked at Teagan carefully, trying to ensure that she really was relaxing. She worked herself a little too hard, sometimes. They hadn’t known her long, but they could still tell. She reminded them of their oldest sister, in that way; taking on too much responsibility, taking care of everyone but herself. But she did seem to be relaxing now, and they offered a satisfied nod. “Okay,” they said, “good. That’s good.” The last thing they wanted was to be a burden here, to be someone Teagan sacrificed her own comfort for. That sort of thing never sat right with Felix.

They grinned softly at the mention of snacks, nodding their head as their stomach rumbled quietly. Everything she mentioned sounded wonderful, but the salami was especially tempting. The jaguar had been restless ever since their last fight with Razor, the one that left them with an impressive chunk missing from their arm. The injury was carefully hidden beneath their sleeve, and all the other results of the fight were similarly put away beneath clothing. Teagan, Felix knew, would worry, and they couldn’t explain what had happened without explaining the Pit as a whole, and then she’d want to help, and… Felix couldn’t risk anything happening to her. Not for them. It wouldn’t be worth it. “This looks great,” they told her, looking at the spread with an impressed expression. “You did a really good job.”

A chime filled the room, and if Felix hadn’t been looking at Teagan, they might not have thought much of it. But the way she froze up, the way she stilled… There was something about it. And then she was excusing herself, walking backwards and — they heard her feet slamming against the ground as she ran.

Felix was on their feet in an instant. Whatever was going on, it was clearly something dangerous. Why else would Teagan run like that? Shifting enough to allow them to move with all the quick silence of a prowling jaguar, the balam took off after the nymph, silently apologizing as they stalked behind her.

Leaving Felix to their devices felt awful, but there was a responsibility that the nix had taken. She was never one to falter or leave jobs half-done or completed poorly. Seeing her mission through was her only option, until her very last breath. She hoped that wouldn’t be the case, but nature and Fate didn’t deal in hope, didn’t feed on the prayers of the pawns it moved. Teagan’s journey was a dangerous one, she knew that going in, and she accepted it anyway because that time would be different.

There was more to fight for, a red line to protect. It grew taut with each aching step she took as she hastily made her way through the trees, weaving through the familiar paths until she threaded herself into her destination. Teagan’s eyes widened with wonder and excitement, her focus completely on the hunter struggling to notice anything else, much less the low crunch of dirt behind her.

“Help!” She exclaimed, just as all the others did, not yet realizing what she was there to do. “There’s a trap. Be careful,” She wheezed, frantically trying to remove the small plate of spikes embedded in her thigh. Watching the scene made Teagan laugh, finding it humorous that the stranger had yet to catch on. Though…that was strange. Wardens normally noticed by then, and the woman wore everything a normal hunter would. Could she be a ranger? If she was, then she would still die, but if she was just a human? Teagan bristled at the thought, inching forward.

“What are ya doin’ out here, lass? Dangerous, even in the middle of the day.” Teagan quirked a brow.

“What?! Just help me! Just…” The woman froze, looking every direction and struggling with more ferocity. “Ma’am, you have to come toward me. Please. Get behind me. There’s a—no time! Just listen to me!”

Teagan’s brows knitted together and she looked behind her, seeing nothing. “What ya blabberin’ ‘bout? It’s only—” The sound of something whizzing past the nix interrupted her question, followed by the sound of cracking bark. Whatever she was aiming for, she missed, and Teagan quickly sprang into action by tackling the now confirmed hunter and punching her repeatedly to prevent any more arrows from being shot.

Where was Teagan going? She wasn’t the type to pause an interaction abruptly without good reason, Felix was confident of that. There was a clear sense of purpose to the way she moved, too; a determination that would have certainly been absent had the goal she was striving towards been anything less than important. Whatever she was doing, it mattered. They suspected it was dangerous, too; otherwise, why not invite Felix along?

But Felix could handle dangerous. Teagan might not know that. They knew they didn’t give off the vibes of someone who could take care of themself. They didn’t like violence, even if most of their life had seen various people insisting that they partake in it. More than anything, Felix wanted a life of peace, a way to live without having to fight anyone. But they’d still fight to protect their friends, if they had to. They’d still help Teagan with whatever it was she was moving towards, with whatever that chime had meant.

She slowed, and Felix slowed, too. Their brow furrowed as they heard a voice. Not Teagan’s, not anyone’s familiar, but it was calling out for help. Was that what Teagan had come out here for? Was the alarm to tell her that there was someone in the vicinity who needed help? Felix took a step forward, craning their neck to see what was going on. There was… a woman. She looked like she was trapped in something, though Teagan’s body blocked most of the view.

Shifting their ears, Felix listened in on the conversation, but their confusion only grew as they did so. Teagan wasn’t helping the woman; not right away, at least. And the woman was… warning her? About wh—

An arrow interrupted the balam’s thought process. It embedded itself in the tree next to their head, and they dropped to the ground in anticipation. But no more arrows were fired. Instead, there was the sound of knuckles hitting skin. It was enough to spur Felix forward, the scene laying itself out in front of them. The woman in the trap, with the crossbow full of silver bolts. Teagan, punching her. Blood on the ground that didn’t belong to the nix.

For a moment, Felix was fourteen again. Their father’s claws were dripping red, a man hanging in his grip. These people, mijo, they want to hurt us, their father had insisted quietly. They do. So we hurt them first. What happened to your mother won’t happen to you, to your siblings. We’ll make sure of it.

It made them sick then, the same way it made them sick now. Felix took another step forward, trying desperately to get between Teagan and the woman in the trap. “Teagan, stop! What — What are you doing?”

Felix’s voice was like an alarm bell, a tolling that called for all violence to cease. The meaty and squelching thumping instantly turned into silence, which was quickly replaced by panicked breathing. “I’m-I’m…” Teagan choked out, finally, trembling when she locked eyes with Felix. That’s when it clicked, why the woman had tried to protect the nix and why she had been quick to attack. The hunter was no warden, and she never would’ve been a slayer to begin with—it was daytime. She was a ranger, and she would’ve most certainly hurt Teagan’s friend had she not attacked.

Looking at her bloodied and bruised hands, the fae took a few moments to respond to Felix’s question, unsure and terrified. They had just become friends, relaxing and truly connecting the way they were supposed to. What would Felix think if Teagan told them what she’d done? Knots weaved and tightened impossibly in her stomach, and she stood up to back away. She didn’t dare lock eyes with her friend. The rejection Teagan expected to be there would prove too much for her to bear, and she was terrified of what that would do to what was left of her heart. There was no way she’d be accepted. If her family couldn’t, then how could someone with no ties to her leave their arms open? Losing Felix was inevitable, Teagan knew that. She just didn’t expect it to happen so quickly.

“I…I set up traps. After-after one hunter, it started with a few.” A pause, if only to prolong their friendship. “After the second, a few more. Then-then…” Breath hitched in Teagan’s chest, tears streaming warmly down her cheeks. “Then my tail. He took my tail, and I held back as much as I could! I did! I did!” She wiped her cheeks, smearing stinging blood on her face, but hardly caring. “These monsters just take and take and take! When does it end? When, Felix? Because everyday, every night, I see what they did in my nightmares. They took my family, and I watched them do it.” Teagan’s eyes reluctantly landed on Felix’s, desperation filling them, and acceptance trickling down. “Who’s going to stop them?” She croaked, falling to her knees, right next to the still breathing hunter. “Who’s going to stop another child from sitting in blood like me?”

Felix was fourteen the first time their father came home bloody, eyes wild and face alight. They remembered the panic that set in at the sight, remembered running up to him with their heart pounding. Their mother’s death had been so fresh then, so recent, and the idea of losing the only parent they’d had left had been terrifying. What happened, papi? They’d asked desperately, tracing their hands over his arms in search of injury. But there had been none to be found. The blood wasn’t his, he’d told them. There was someone outside. She’d stumbled onto the property, and Felix had never known if she was a hunter tracking them down or if she was just a human who’d gotten lost in the woods. Their father never specified, and they’d been too afraid to ask; they didn’t know, even now, whether or not their father had known the answer.

She’d been the first. She hadn’t been the last.

It wasn’t a common thing. They were far off enough into the woods that people finding their property was rare. Sometimes, they went a year without anyone stumbling onto it. Other times, there would be several spread across just a few months. Every time, though, regardless of the frequency, the end result was the same. Someone came home covered in blood, with a body behind them. The ground outside that cabin in the woods went from a sanctuary to a graveyard, with the parts of the bodies that weren’t ‘put to use’ buried in the dirt in mass unmarked graves. Felix used to keep count of them. Some desperate attempt at retribution, they thought, some quiet way of pretending that they weren’t a part of it. But they lost track, after a while. There were so many bodies. There was so much blood. The ground was rotted with it.

They missed their family. There was no doubt about that. They ached with the absence of them, yearned to see their siblings again, wished they could ask their father for advice on how to get out of the mess they’d made for themself with the Pit. They missed them, so much that it hurt like a physical thing.

But they didn’t miss the blood.

And here was more of it. A different forest floor, a different nearby cabin, but the blood smelled the same. The ranger in the trap was barely breathing, half-dead and very likely entirely unaware of the conversation happening around her. Felix couldn’t take their eyes off of her, couldn’t stop staring at the blood. Their throat felt tight, like they were fourteen again, like they were still in that cabin across from a father they both loved and feared trying desperately to remember how to breathe. “You can’t — It isn’t an excuse,” he choked out, eyes darting to Teagan’s. “I get it. I do. But you can’t… You can’t use your grief to — to justify more violence. Because where does that end, Teagan? Where does — It keeps going. Over and over and over again. You kill her, and — and her child comes to avenge it. And then — and then you kill them, or they kill you and someone avenges that, and it’s just — This isn’t preventing anything. This isn’t stopping anything. It just… prolongs it.”

They moved forward carefully, hands trembling. They did something they’d never done with their father — they knelt down next to the broken body in the trap, and they pressed their fingers carefully against the side of her throat. There was a faint thump against their hand, and they closed their eyes for a moment with a sigh. “She’s alive,” they said quietly. “She’s still alive. Can I — I want to… To get her help. To take her to a hospital, to try to save her. That — Teagan, that’s how you stop it. You can’t end violence with more violence. You can’t stop death with more death. I’m sorry. I’m sorry for what you went through, but you can’t keep using it as an excuse. You can’t. You’ll never move on if you do.”

Their father certainly hadn’t, and Felix didn’t want that for their friend. They didn’t want her to be in a cabin in the woods someday with children who loved her just a little bit more than they feared her, didn’t want her to be the monster in her children’s closet the same way the hunters who had hurt her family were the monster in hers. Teagan’s experience was one of a child who lost everything and grew to avenge it, but Felix’s was one of a child who lost everything because of their father’s desperate vengeance. They knew what this sort of thing led to. They wanted better for her. “Help me. Please, help me get her to a doctor. It doesn’t have to be… this.”

Teagan could tell memories were flooding Felix’s mind, a reel of horrors projecting and flickering painfully. Had they bore witness to the same, or something just as vile? Two sides of a coin, flipping endlessly and growing the nausea in their stomachs. But the source of their disgust was not the same. Felix made that clear when they found relief in the beating of the hunter’s heart. She supposed they didn’t understand, couldn’t, no matter how hard they tried.

True, death would never cease if the nix continued to fight. Why was she supposed to move on, though? Why was it okay that the ranger attacked with no regard to the beautiful life she could’ve ended, had the bolt met its mark? “You don’t get it, then.” No one ever could. Teagan watched through a slit of the door as her family fought, one by one being taken out like common animals. Watched as Catrin crawled to the door of the closet her daughter had been thrown in for her safety.

At ten years old, Teagan had witnessed what true evil was, how quickly everything could be torn away. At ten years old, she sat in the warm and sticky blood of her family until it grew cold and thick and dry against her skin. How was that fair? How was it right that Teagan let go of a monster so she could continue and possibly do the same to another family? “I can’t let you do that,” She shook her head vehemently, voice thick and riddled with pain.

“If she lives, then she will heal and hurt someone else. The cycle never ends because hunters will never stop. Who else is going to stop them? What if they hurt you? I won’t let them hurt you. I can’t! You don’t know what I’ve seen!” Teagan all but shrieked, begging Felix to turn around, to let their friend do what she must. There was no malice, no anger toward the Balam. There couldn’t be. “Felix,” Teagan began, crawling to them and hovering her hands over their cheeks so she wouldn’t stain his skin.

“We can’t stop the violence, we can’t, I know that, but we can stop them. That’s what I’m trying to do. I don’t want the families they hunt to live through what I did. I don’t want families to be cut in half because of their traditions!” But Teagan saw no budging, Felix’s eyes were resolute in their decision on helping this monster. She sighed, scooting away and stumbling to her feet as she searched for a direction to run. Watching Felix defend that thing was hard enough, anything more would just be salt in the wound, burning worse than usual. “I won’t help. I won’t. But I…I won’t stop you.” She continued to back away, receding into the trees. “I won’t hurt you. I never want to do that. You’re my friend, okay? I just…I just can’t help. I can’t.”

“Teagan,” Felix murmured gently, “you’re not the only one who’s lost people.” Hadn’t everyone? Wasn’t that what this life was? Not just for supernatural beings like the two of them, but for the hunters, too. For the humans whose loved ones had disappeared in the woods near the Mendoza’s cabin, for the children whose parents never came home and the parents who turned off lights in empty bedrooms at the end of every day. Felix understood the ache of it. Their mother was shot like an animal in the woods, her body left to rot because someone was afraid. People did terrible things under the guise of fear and protection. The blood on the forest floor was proof enough of that.

They tensed a little as Teagan approached, the same way they used to tense when their father got near. Her hands, like their father’s, wouldn’t hurt them. They knew that. Everything their father had done had been done in the name of protection, just like Teagan. But there was blood on those hands, anyway. And what did it matter what the intention was? What did it matter if it was done for protection or for vengeance? It didn’t change that terrible shade of red.

“You don’t know that,” they insisted. “Maybe she lives and goes right back to hunting, but maybe she doesn’t. Maybe she grows. Maybe she becomes better than she was yesterday if she just — If she gets a chance to try. People will never change if you snuff them out before they can try to, but if you give them the chance, they — People are capable of being better. They can work towards it. They can try to be more than they were yesterday. They can. And everyone — everyone deserves a chance to do that. She does. You do. Everyone does. What she does next is on her, but what you do next? That’s on you.”

They had to believe that. They had to. Because if people weren’t capable of change, what did it say about them? About the father they loved just a little more than they feared him, about the siblings who’d done what they were told no matter what shade of red it left their hands? Felix wanted the hunter to be capable of change, wanted Teagan to be capable of change, but there was something selfish to it, too. They wanted a second chance. For themself, for their family, for everyone.

Teagan scooted away from them, and disappointment tasted acidic in their throat. She wasn’t going to help them. They’d figured that might be the end result. But… maybe it said something, still, that she wouldn’t stop them, either. Maybe it meant something for them both. “You’re my friend, too,” they said quietly. “This doesn’t change that. Not for me. But I need to get her help. I need to try to make sure she’s as okay as she can be.”

“O-okay.” She finally managed to whisper painfully. It felt like betrayal, just for a moment, the way Felix fought back so hard. There was no changing their mind, but maybe, Teagan thought, their desperation said something more. The use of everyone wrote some much in a story that she hadn’t yet heard. There was no judgment, not really. Just hurt and disappointment.

The balam had their own pain, and the nix had hers. Teagan could respect that, especially for a friend that wouldn’t become a ghost of the past. There would be no longing wishes left from a broken relationship. That was a relief, even as heartbreak set in motion with each respective decision. With each trembling step toward the darkness Teagan had led herself into, digging further still.

“Don’t do anything foolish, okay? I’m sorry I ruined our day.” That’s what she did best though, wasn’t it? She did it constantly with her family, and she was doing the same with the new connections she’d made. Still, the pain lay thickly in Teagan’s chest every time. It wasn’t easy doing what she must, but the pain was deserved. She knew that. Because all broken shards are cut when one wasn’t careful while they picked up the pieces, and Teagan broke into several more as she made her exit.

She agreed, and it felt like a weight off their back. It felt like an accomplishment. Felix had tried to argue with their father, so many times. They’d put their foot down only to have it forcibly removed, had been called so many terrible things and accused of such awful atrocities just for wanting to save a life. And for a moment, they’d been afraid Teagan would do the same. They’d been afraid that they couldn’t save her or the hunter or anyone at all. But Felix put their foot down and, for once in their life, it was respected. It was honored. It was a good feeling, even if there was still a tightness in his throat and a nausea tugging at his gut.

“Nothing foolish,” they replied with a small smile. “And it’s not — It isn’t ruined. Just… rescheduled. Okay?” The friendship could survive this if they let it. It could. Felix could save someone, for once. Could save more than one person, maybe, if Teagan took their words to heart. (They wouldn’t hold their breath on that, though. Felix’s words had never counted for much. They’d always known that.) And tomorrow, maybe, they could try again. Tomorrow, the rain would wash the blood off the forest floor, and they could move forward. It was a pretty thought.

They heard Teagan leave, swallowed their feelings in response. Carefully, they extracted the injured hunter from the trap and lifted her. They’d get her away from Teagan’s cabin before calling for an ambulance — less questions that way.

Standing, Felix began a quiet trek out of the woods. Behind them, blood soaked into the dirt.

They pretended their hands weren’t covered with it, too.

#closingwaters #teagan: hate to see your heartbreak #wickedswriting #parental death tw #sibling death tw

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