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juletheghoul · 4 months ago

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Let Me Follow (Part 7)

AN: Ooop. I haven't updated this in a year and I feel terrible, I am trying to go through all of the unfinished fics I have, and update one every week. (dream big Jules) Hopefully get through all of the things I have in my head. Hopefully it's been worth the wait! I've done my best to edit this myself, but it hasn't been beta'd. Enjoy! xo 🩷

Joel Miller x F!Reader

Pairing: Joel x F!Reader

Word Count: 4.8K

Warnings: (18+ NO MINORS) ANGST, language, age-gap (about 10-11 years, legal, reader is of age), Yearning, post-apocalyptic world, Joels injury / ptsd / nightmare

Let me know if I missed anything!

reblogs are appreciated

Masterlist Series Masterlist

He’s gone when you wake up. Both of them are, they’re gone most of the day but it makes sense. You chalk it up to Joel catching up with his brother and Ellie taking advantage of the safety of this place. You, in turn, find yourself almost haunting the house Maria and Tommy had put you up in. The time spent in the trailer, although quiet for the most part, was also wrapped up in the web of anxiety. Every second spent there was corrupted with fear of someone finding it, always the danger of infected wandering into the woods and surprising you when you’d go scavenging, and in comparison to that, this felt peaceful.

This house gave you a chance to rest, to nap and enjoy the safety of the walls surrounding you, surrounding the town itself. Even when you got hungry, it was only a matter of making your way down the street to the cafeteria. People looked at you with curiosity, but didn’t pry, which only inspired intense gratitude.

The whole day was a much needed respite from the worry and anxiety, until Ellie stormed into the house to find you reading an old novel on the sofa late in the evening. Anger burning on her face and it seemed strange to be so angry in a place like this.

“What happened?” The adrenaline shoots up, the familiarity of it is so depressing, it seems your body is always ready to feel this way.

“He’s leaving me.” She runs up the stairs and you find yourself running up after her, the door to the bedroom she’d claimed all but shut in your face before you could follow her inside.

“Ellie? Can I come in?” You knock, hoping she’ll elaborate, “Ellie?”

“Whatever.” She calls out and you follow her inside, finding her sitting on a dusty bay window.

“What happened?” Your heart races but you do your best to control your breathing.

“He’s leaving me,” she sighs, picking up what looks to be someone's journal, “I heard him tell Tommy, that he has to leave me.” You frown at her. Joel hadn’t exactly been the cuddly type but he did care about Ellie, that had been obvious to you. “Maria told me something about him, something that makes sense-”

“I wouldn’t listen to what Maria has to say about Joel, it seems to me she’s been listening to Tommy say some not-so-nice things about his brother.” Annoyance burns brightly in your gut that she’d dare poison Ellie against the man that had been keeping her safe.

“No–I didn’t let her talk shit, I told her where to fucking go about that but–” A soft tap on the door pulls you out of the argument, Joel’s voice coming through before he opens the door.

The familiar ‘Joel-frown’ is back in place as his gaze shifts from Ellie, to you, and back to her again.

“Listen-” He starts, but she doesn’t let him get very far.

“Why are you here?” The anger still burns on her face, but you know what’s really there. Sadness, fear, disappointment, you know because you’ve felt it all before.

“I came here to talk to you, both of you.”

“No, why are you still here? If you’re gonna ditch us then ditch us.” her eyes cast down as she speaks, looking without really seeing the journal in her hands. You see him let out a heavy sigh, resignation taking over.

“What exactly did you hear?”

“‘I have to leave her, you have to take her’,” your eyebrows must have raised up into your hairline, Joel leaving Ellie had never crossed your mind, “You know I stuck up for you today because I thought-” She bit her lip, cutting off her own words.

“I made this decision for your own good. You’ll be way better off with Tommy, he knows the area better than I do-” He was floundering and it was as though you were listening to a stranger, his whole demeanour completely different from last night.

“Do you give a shit about me or not?” Her voice rose, and your heart broke for her.

“Of course I do.”

“Then what are you so afraid of? I’m not her, you know? Maria told me about Sarah-”

“Don’t.” The change in him was chilling, “Don’t say another word.” Seeing his eyes shift, the whole of him as cold as ice.

“I’m sorry about your daughter, Joel, but I have lost people too.” And there it was.

He’d had a daughter, and he’d lost her. This was it, the missing piece. It made so much sense, the cloud that followed him around, the loss that poisoned him to the world. It wasn’t just the terrible, awful, practically unbearable state of the world, it was his loss.

“You have no idea what loss is.” His eyes hardened even more, and you understood why he would be upset. The loss of a child would definitely make anyone lose their minds, but Ellie wasn’t wrong. Everyone in this world knows what loss is.

“Everybody I have cared for has either died or left me. Everybody, fucking except for you!” She pushes him, her anger and hurt getting the best of her and you can’t help but move from your place on the couch to comfort her. “So don't tell me that I'd be safer with somebody else because the truth is I would just be more scared.” Your hand goes to her shoulder, letting her know you’re there for her.

“You’re right. You aren’t my daughter, and I sure as hell ain’t your dad. Now come dawn, you and I go our separate ways-” Your hand flashes up without your permission, and cracks him clean across the face. It was too much for you to bear.

“Enough! I am so sick and tired of this, and I am through with letting you act this way. You can’t keep living your life like this, Joel. Head down, barreling through like a juggernaut, cutting through everyone and everything, completely closed off to the world.” The hurt was sharp in your voice- “I can’t even begin to imagine how much losing your daughter must have hurt you, I wish it had never happened. I cannot take it away from you, neither of us can but we don’t deserve for you to treat us this way. Losing her doesn’t mean you can throw Ellie away.” His eyes flashed with something, a hurt so deep it was part of him, “Tomorrow, we’re going–whether it’s with you, or Tommy is up to you.” You turned from him then, gathering Ellie into your arms. You heard the door click, and then you and Ellie were alone.

You spent the night with Ellie.

A soft knock sounded as you gathered the few things you had to take with you, both of you. Ellie opened the door to a very resigned Tommy standing at the door.

“Y’all ready?” He spoke to both of you, the look on your face leaving no doubt as to whether Ellie would go alone or not.

“Yes, we’re good to go,” you reply and he nods once before leading the way out, “Come on Ellie.” You don’t look at the room across the hall, even as the outline of the door burns bright in your peripheral. That it was closed and he was probably asleep inside only filled your stomach with rocks, so you keep your eyes forward and ignore the feeling.

The morning is crisp enough to see your breath and it wreaths around your head like a halo as you all make your way towards the barn. Your anger with Joel is a simmering pot on the back burner, and that’s where it has to stay, there’s too much to focus on with Ellie to give it any attention. Tommy leads the way, bundled up with a rifle on his back and the anger you’re trying to tamp down finds its bullseye.

“How much shit did you talk about Joel, Tommy? Be honest.” He turns, his brow furrowed, “Must have been a lot, with the way Maria was eyeing him.”

“Yeah, not to mention giving me some bullshit warning about him not being who I thought he was.” Ellie chimes in, he lets out a deep sigh.

“You don’t understand, we did terrible things-“

“Yes, both of you, and you got to explain yourself. You’re letting your grievances with your brother colour the way people in this town view him. If he stays here, you’ve just made his life harder when you both did the same shit.” You round the corner, ducking into the barn to find the man you’re discussing, loading the horse's saddle with what looked to be supplies. You’re angry at him, at the cruel words he threw at Ellie, at the thought that after all of your confessions he might have let you go. It’s hard not to feel relief that he’s here though, ready to follow her, ready to follow you.

“You came here to say goodbye or something?” Ellie’s voice is neutral, but the hurt simmers under the surface.

“No, I came here to steal one of these horses.” He kicks at the ground, nervous.

“I woulda gave you one.” Tommy sighs, his frown still in place but now directed at Joel.

“I know. Anyway, that was thirty minutes ago, and I guess you deserve a choice. I still think you’d be better off with Tommy-“

“Let’s go.” She tosses her bag at him. Your lip curls without your permission, but you keep it to yourself.

“Okay.” He grunts out the word, but you can see he’s just as affected as you are. He turns, and speaks to Tommy while you and Ellie lead the horses out, letting them have a moment.

“You okay?” Ellie’s eyes find yours at the sound of your words, and for a moment you see her age and it breaks your heart. Her eyes are wide, dark shadows underneath them, all of the stress and the weight of her lot in this life painted across her face, and still she smiles.

“Fuck yeah, all good.”

God, she’s just a kid.

“Let’s get going.” Joel comes out, Tommy’s rifle on his back and his eyes are wild, darting between you and Ellie. His words still ring out in your ears, but so does the knowledge of his loss. It’s the Rosetta Stone, the why of all of his anger and hurt and reluctance to open up to anyone and anything coming into focus.

There are two horses, and Ellie claims one right away, leaving you to share with Joel. He climbs up and swings his leg around, then holds out his hand to help you climb on, and wordlessly you take it. The horse is calm underneath you, for which you are grateful, even when you climb up, much less graceful than Joel and sit tucked into his back.

The anger in you still burns bright. Too bright to say anything to him just yet, so you let it wash over you. Ignore the happy chant to have him there, to have his familiar, safe shape solid in front of you, and focus on not spooking the animal beneath you.

Hours pass with small talk between Ellie and Joel, and silence from you. He doesn’t press, but his voice sounds lighter than it ever has with her. You let them have this conversation and bonding and you keep your mouth shut. He tests the waters though, your arms wrap around his waist, and every so often you feel him squeeze your hand or your knee. A silent olive branch, a request for connection and as much as you try to hold out and ignore him, punish him for his cruelty, you cannot help but give in. You press your lips to the little bit of skin exposed at the back of his neck. You can feel the way he melts, and part of you feels guilty for denying him for so long, but then his words come back and so does the anger.

Ellie has gone ahead, just a little bit, close enough that he can keep an eye on her, but far enough away that he tries his luck with words.

“It was bad wasn’t it?” He speaks over his shoulder, his words heavy with resignation.

“Real bad.”

He sighs, but says nothing else. You don’t expect an apology, and you don’t get one. It’s there though, the remorse, in his voice, threaded through the soft words and explanations he gives Ellie as the day goes by. He speaks to her of his life before, and it’s a marvel to hear him speak so much, he used to be a contractor. The shape of the word in your mouth feels familiar, one of those words adults used to say but there’s no reference for it in your memory. She is happy, that is all that matters.

When you stop to camp, it’s in a densely populated forest, eerily quiet but good enough. The land is far enough away from any QZ to be free of infected, but they aren’t the biggest worry. He sets up camp, a couple of sleeping bags all piled together.

“Sleep, both of you, I’ll take first watch.” It doesn’t take much convincing on your part, and for once, Ellie doesn’t grumble, she yawns hard enough to tremble and gets into the sleeping bag without comment. You want to give him something, a promise that you’ll discuss what you both know you need to discuss but he shakes his head when your eyes meet. “Sleep, Sunny, you need your rest.”

You nod, and sleep claims you, quick as falling.

You wake with a gasp.

“You’re okay.” He’s sitting on a fallen log, watching the surrounding darkness. Full consciousness creeps in, and awareness calms the anxiety of whatever nightmare that had spilled over. Even the horses are calm, no immediate danger threatening, but there’s no way you’re going back to sleep.

“I’m up now. Here, give me the gun, you should get some shut-eye.” You stretch for a moment, before getting up. At this point, he knows you better than to argue, and so as much as he wants to keep watch, he gets up with a groan, and climbs into the sleeping bag still permeated with your body heat. The brief spark of warmth and comfort that was born of your new found intimacy with him, although still there, is obscured by the things you know you need to discuss, but it won’t be tonight. He knows it too, and so you keep watch, and when the morning comes, you all set out again.

Days pass, and you travel in peace. The days are cold but clear, and he surprises you even more. He teaches Ellie to shoot, instructs her on how to load and reload the rifle, how to aim and even lets her keep a pistol and you can see the father so clearly in him. He notices your quiet withdrawal, and he lets you have your silence, but it doesn’t last.

Three nights into your trek, he finally breaks the silence.

You feel him slip into the sleeping bag behind you, the night is colder than you expected and his warmth is welcome, even if your heart is still hurt. You’d found a small copse of trees, hidden enough that you could all sleep relatively calmly.

“Sunny.” It’s just above a whisper, “How long you gonna punish me?” His breath tickles the little hairs at the back of your neck, raising goosebumps in its wake. You sigh.

“I’m not punishing you Joel.” His hand slips around your waist.

“You’re angry at me, I can feel it.” He presses his lips to the skin just below your ear, soft and sweet and your eyes close at the feel of it, you turn towards him.

“I’m hurt,” he pulls you close enough to tangle his legs with yours, “Not just for what you said to Ellie, but for what happened to you.” You felt the clench in his jaw, felt how his body tensed. “I’m not trying to pry into your past Joel, I don’t want to open old wounds and make you relive anything, but I’ve been with the two of you long enough to see the bond. That girl-” you gestured to Ellie’s sleeping form near the horses, “-sees you as a father. You’re all she has, and you were ready to drop her.”

“I know.” He pressed his forehead to yours, the tension going out of him like a balloon deflating. “It’s why I didn’t think I could do this, I am scared that I won’t be able to protect her, if she got hurt on my watch I couldn’t forgive myself.” All of a sudden you felt stupid, his anger and lashing out at her was a way to protect her, it didn’t excuse it, but it definitely explained it. “I don’t think she heard my whole conversation with Tommy, I was tellin’ him how scared I am.”

“She needs you around, she needs to know you aren’t going to abandon her.” You can’t help but bring your hands to his face, comfort him. “We need you, I need you, I don’t want you to leave me behind either.” The little part of yourself that you’d been stomping down reared its head. “I’m sorry I slapped you, I shouldn’t have done that.” He shakes his head, dismissing your apology.

“I won’t leave you behind. I meant it when I said I needed you to be patient with me.” He presses his lips to your hand, then to your lips, an apology and a promise and you clutch to it, despite the fear that permeates every aspect of the world. You don’t say anything more, trusting that when he's ready, he’ll tell you about his loss.

The university is a massive, rundown building, eerily quiet, without many signs of life.

“No fireflies.” Ellie points out when you stop just in front of an overturned car.

“Probably in the middle, safer.” Joel leads the way, and the three of you continue throughout the grounds. He answers Ellie’s questions about University life, about anything and everything she can think of while you focus on your surroundings. The quiet irks you.

Monkeys roam the campus the closer you get to the building, and she’s excited to see them, you’re a little more wary but they scatter at the sound of you approaching.

“Lookit.” He points to a sign, a bright firefly symbol spray-painted onto it.

“Here we go.” She sounds a lot braver than she looks, her expression matches yours. This whole place was creepy, and your stomach roiled the closer you got to the entrance of the building. The sound of the horses' hooves clicking onto the pavement echo around you as you approach, guard houses sit unmanned just outside the door, and your stomach drops further.

“Guard houses.” Joel voices your thoughts.

“No guards.” You reply, and the mood sours further. “Let’s tie the horses, and continue on foot.” You gesture to a tree and they both nod in agreement. With them taken care of, you make your way inside.

“Gun?” Ellie looks to Joel, and he nods, she takes out the pistol he’d trusted her with, his rifle at the ready and you follow close behind him, no weapon, but eyes sharp.

The inside is abandoned, but there is a mess of tables, discarded equipment and supplies left behind.

“There were definitely doctors here.” She rifles through a stack of old gauze, gloves and other things littering the tables, pulling a list from under an empty box.

“This is a packing list,” Joel takes the list from her, “Something you make before moving.” There’s a distinct lack of dust and dirt blown in on the mess left behind you cannot help but focus on.

“Looks like they just left-” Something crashes above, movement in one of the higher floors interrupting your sentence, “maybe not all of them.” You move as one, slowly and quietly following the source of the noise, your heart races, scared of who or what you might find here. Joel leads the way, his rifle at the ready, Ellie brings up the rear, gun in her hands and pointed down like he’d taught her. The place looks more like an abandoned hospital than a school. There are carts knocked over, hospital beds and IV bags still hooked up to the poles littering the hallways.

He counts down silently, hand just hovering over the door containing the source, and then opens it. A monkey shrieks, and seeing you jumps out the open window. You let out a heavy breath.

“Well, at least it ain’t clickers.” Joel’s tone is as relieved as you feel.

“Yeah, no fireflies either. Maybe in all that research they turned into fucking monkeys!” He frowns at her, there’s a disappointment heavy in the air. So much travelling, just to come up empty. There’s a giant map in the middle of the room though. You make your way over to it, there are different colour pins all leading up to one place, Salt Lake City, Utah.

“That’s where they went?” She’s staring at the map beside you.

“All the pins lead there.” You press your finger to the spot on the map, Joel is beside you, all three of you studying it.

“Maybe they were getting ahead of the weather? Better facilities? I don’t know.” He frowns, letting out a breath but you hear it, people talking outside the window. You shush them, gesturing to the window but they hear it now too. Your heart jackhammers in your chest, any and all peace you’d found from finding this place empty is gone.

Quietly you all move closer and peek out the window, and see four men walking past, they hold crowbars, and baseball bats and it’s obvious they’re raiders.

“Out the back.” Joel whispers, and then the three of you take off. Within a few tense minutes, you’re all back outside, ducking behind piled up sandbags to make sure you don’t encounter anyone. With the coast clear, you all run towards the horses. Ellie climbs up onto hers, and you climb onto the one you share with Joel while he unties them.

“Joel!” Ellie screams, one man has followed, baseball bat high in the air but Joel turns in time and ducks out of the way, the bat swings hard, hitting the tree and shatters. Ellie holds up her arm, aiming the gun but they move too erratically.

“Wait Ellie! You might shoot Joel–” She puts it down, he doesn’t need help, they grapple and slam against the tree but then Joel has wrapped his arm around the man's neck, and with a sickening crunch, he falls. When Joel turns, your stomach drops.

He looks down, and the butt of the broken bat is sticking out of his lower abdomen. He takes a deep breath, and pulls it out and a wave of nausea hits you to see at least three inches of wood come out, his blood pulsing between his fingers.

“Joel–get on the horse!” You scream out to him, seeing the others spotting you and running full speed. He struggles, but climbs up with a pained yell, swinging his leg over and managing to get in front of you.

“Get back!” Ellie follows behind, shooting at them when they get too close, with the frosty wind whipping at your face you get away. The horses gallop across the grounds and away, your grip on Joel is iron.

You know that going so fast is only hurting him but you have to get far enough away that they won’t follow.

“They don’t seem to be following us, I think we’re safe.” Ellie calls out behind you and you’re glad she’s keeping an eye on your back, because you cannot focus on anything other than Joel’s weakening grip on the reins.

“Joely, baby you have to hold on, please–” He teeters, swaying like a boat in choppy waters and you feel the way he cannot hold himself up anymore. “Joel-Joel!” He topples off the horse and into a pile of snow despite your best efforts, he's so pale you can barely contain the tears that flow freely down your face. “Joel, please, please wake up, we need you to wake up.” You slap at his face, but he doesn’t stir. Ellie is off her horse and kneeling beside you, trying to aid in waking him but she’s as unsuccessful as you are. She presses his hands as well as hers to where the blood pulses out of him slowly.

“Joel, open your eyes.” You stare at him while she speaks, pressing your hand to his face, “I can’t fucking do this without you, I don’t know where the fuck I’m going, or what the fuck I’m going to do, we need you Joel please, get up.” Tears stream down her face and it hits you then. You’ve cursed him, this is what comes from loving another person.

There’s no time, you have to move him.

“Let’s get him somewhere safe, Ellie, one of those houses.” You gesture to a residential area not far from where he fell. There’s no way you can carry him, instead you look for something to put him on that you can drag like a sled. You send Ellie to look, warning her to be careful and to keep her gun out and she comes back with a wide mat, almost like a big dog bed and it’s perfect. You shuffle him onto it, and tie the mat to the back of one of the horses, pulling him towards one of the houses.

It takes so long to get him into the basement. By the time you’ve piled a stained mattress and musty blankets and laid him on it, your skin is slick with frozen sweat, your breath comes out in pants, exhausted with the effort. There had been an old towel in one of the bathrooms of the house, Ellie had grabbed it while you wrestled him to where he lay. Once settled, you ripped it up, and moved his shirt to press it to the wound, barely looking at it. You had to stop the bleeding, if he kept bleeding he’d die.

“What are we going to do?” She watches, terrified.

“I don’t know.” You want to comfort her, but you cannot stop swallowing the lump in your throat. You both stay quiet for a while after that, focused on his breathing.

It’s because I love him

The thought squeezes your heart like a vice, the curse of you fills your head, overtaking every thought. This is what happens when you love another person, the black hole has taken him just like it took your parents, just like it took Johnny and there is nothing to be gained but misery and heartache. The black pit of your love is full of emptiness and all you’d done was sentence him to death. You should have just let them leave, given them your supplies and stayed in your trailer.

Tears stream steadily down your face, hoping against hope that he’ll wake up, that the wound will close, that nothing inside had been too badly damaged. You hoped you’d wake up back in that bed in Jackson, that this was all just some horrible nightmare and that he’d be there, rubbing your back. You didn’t wake up though, and he lay there motionless while you cried, breathing shallow enough to fill your stomach with nothing but dread and nausea and regret and every other horrible thing you’ve felt since this world went to shit.

You move the towel after a while, to see how bad the damage actually is and your body tenses, it’s angry and red and still blood pulses out, his skin shredded where the sharp wood had pierced him.

“We need to close it, we should see if we can find a needle and thread.” You speak to her, but she watches him, his eyes are open, and there is nothing but naked fear in them. He groans and grabs at your arm hard enough to bruise when you press the towel back to the wound.

“Go.” He grits it out, at both of you. She puts her hands on yours, helping to staunch the blood. “Go, leave, take the gun.” He repeats it.

“Shut up, shut the fuck up Joel!” She all but screams at him but he grabs her by the jacket, pulling her close.

“You go.” He doesn’t relent, “You go. You go north, go to tommy.” He shivers, speaking the words clearly and when he pushes her back, she stumbles, staring at him in disbelief. His eyes find yours, and he repeats himself. “Leave.” He does not expect to survive, and all at once you are angry with him, angry with yourself for ever having opened your heart, angry at the world for your lot in life. His eyes find yours then, tears slowly streaming from them, the same anger burning in your chest shining out through his eyes.

You wipe at your eyes, and rise. Leaving him there, as you make your way up the stairs, and out of the basement.

She catches up to you in the kitchen.

“Are we really leaving him?”

“No. I’m looking for something to stitch him up, but if you want to go find Tommy I won’t stop you, you can shoot, and he’s taught you how to keep watch and find safe places to sleep. You can take all of the supplies–” You open cupboards, pulling them off the hinges in your haste and spilling drawers in the pursuit of something, anything to help him.

“I’m not leaving either.” She moves, and helps you search.

—

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angelicbeaut · 1 year ago

Text

In order to change them, you must change YOU.

(Long post)

I have manifested many people back into my life: SPs , old friends, family member, people I wanted to be friends with but didn’t have the courage to ask to be friends. Literally anyone. But before I could invite them into my life, I had to go within.

When you’re manifesting someone, you must not only drop your old story but theirs as well. This was hard for me to understand at first because I had very strong negative emotions towards some people for what they did, and I chained them to those cinder blocks of mistakes and viewed them in that light forever.

I am one to hold a grudge, and sometimes they do some bs that makes them deserve it! You’re valid!

However, if you want a person back in your life under better circumstance you must remember several important things:

everything happens through you:

I am not blaming you for their behavior but what you must realize is that they have no choice but to continue to be the way that you ultimately view them. If you think your SP doesn’t want you, they will continue to not want you, because you are consumed in that thought and they only reflect you, you are god and they are your creation.

Process how they made you feel:

You’re never just going to let something go, sometimes people will hurt you, but in order to change the story surrounding them and how you view them you must process your feelings towards them. Write it down, talk to a close friend, whatever works for you.

You may come out of this not wanting them in your life and that is perfectly okay, you may decide you no longer want them and you want someone better and that’s okay! Manifest it baby!

Allow them to evolve and/or Allow yourself to have the version of them you want

If you want to access this new and improved version of them you must allow it to come in or it simply will not.

What I like to do is take myself out of the position of being the person who experienced them, and look at the raw emotions of it all, as God. I am not a religious person, however looking back on when I grew up Christian it definitely offered some interesting points that I believe helped in my journey.

If you are god and all your creation is made in your image, take a second to consider it you have ever done anything that may have caused hurt. Have you ever done anything that hurt someone? Have you ever related to feelings of jealousy or got really angry at someone? Most likely. Have you been forgiven and in turn changed to be better? There are many people who may still view you as the villain in their story but you have forgiven yourself and became anew, they could never put that on you now because of who you have evolved to become, right? Well, give this person a chance to evolve. You are the one writing the story, are you going to continue to make them the big bad wolf or are you going to let them be the knight in shining armor.

Now if this is about you not believing you deserve it, you need to start there. Why do you believe you are not worthy of your creation? Why do you believe you cannot have them or that they don’t want to be in your life? It may be that you don’t believe in love, or that you don’t believe you are worthy. Work on self concept and understand that you are everything and therefore everything is yours. From the trees to the moon, you are everything.

You can get a completely different version of them, you can completely revise an argument away, you could literally make them disappear. You can do anything! It’s your world.

Most importantly: LEAVE THE 3D ALONE

Sweetheart, if you are still maintaining the state that they hate you after saying affirmations for a day then immediately trying to text them, STOP. Start within, and the 3D has no choice but to follow. If you want to make up with them, go within, set the scene of making up with them in your head, say your affirmations, or whatever will give you the feeling that you seek. Once you reach that fulfillment within yourself, they have no choice but to reflect. Let them be who you want them to be, stop holding the old story over both of you, release it, and write a new story. Have faith in your story and have faith in you, and you will receive exactly what you want. Don’t worry about time, worry about you, time isn’t god, you are love.

P.S - don’t let anyone tell you that you shouldn’t manifest a better version of your ex or a person. You are god, why would you let anyone tell YOU what to do? Be fr.

Luv, che 🌺

#law of assumption #manifesting #neville goddard #self concept #manifestation #desired reality #manifest #shifting motivation #shifting realities #loa

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nellswitchly · 9 months ago

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The last thing Hangman ever wanted to do, was to hurt Rooster. But it was hard not to, when the bastard insisted on doing it to him at every chance he got.

"Why didn't you tell me about your father?"

Bradshaw stares at him emptily, but those deep brown eyes of his seem to soften in the slightest, when all of a sudden he's hit with understanding. Understanding about all the provocations, comments Seresin has been throwing at him: understanding of why the blonde was standing at his door right now, looking for answers that Rooster didn't know if he had. Especially today. It's the night before the mission and the memories of all their fights hang in the air.

"That's what this is about? That's why you caused a scene in front of the entire squad? Brought up my personal shit, all because you're angry?"

"Yeah, well, I'm an asshole. But at least I know it."

"Fuck you and that high horse of yours. Awareness makes it worse, you know."

"Left all my horses back in Texas, don't know about you..."

"Oh my fucking god. See?! You can't take anything seriously, even if your fucking life depended on it, how am I supposed to tell you anything?"

"Bullshit, Bradshaw!" Seresin snaps, and takes a few agressive steps forward as the door closes behind him. "Bullshit, because I told you everything. Everything! You know more about me than anyone in this world, and you threw it all away."

Five seconds of silence haunt the space between them.

"There was nothing to talk about."

Jake sighs and as he realizes he's helpless, turns away, ready to face the door, as well as the tough truth of it all: that Rooster holds zero interest in him. Rooster holds zero interest in trying for him. And Hangman had been trying for long enough. God knows even he had his limits. He goes to grab the knob.

"There was nothing to talk about, okay?!" A begging scream stops the blonde right at the door, as he freezes "What did you want me to say? That my father died on the job and left me all alone, because the woman I once knew as my mother was all but a shell since the accident? Oh yeah, she died too, since you're so curious. My mom is dead. Everyone I've ever... cared about, everyone I loved is dead, Jake. And i can't afford more losses. I can't afford..."

His pupils widen as he basically spits the words out, but stops himself all of a sudden, when he realizes that he might be going too far. Or just far enough: but that's the scary part. He stares Hangman straight into the eye, because he fears that upon looking away, he'll disappear.

But what he sees instead, is the slightest spark of understanding in those ocean blue eyes. And right then it's obvious: after all, they could always read eachother's minds. Hangman knows. But that's not enough for him. Not after all those unsaid, broken promises.

"Say it."

Hesitance hangs in the air. But it's now or never, and Bradley physically cannot accept the never.

"I can't afford to loose you, too."

A distant sigh of relief leaves Jake's lips. That's enough of a starting point. His muscles manage to relax a little, as he realizes that all he needs right now is the nonverbal permission to trap Bradshaw in his arms.

"You don't have to." And when those words leave Jake's mouth, he gets more than just a permission. Because Bradley gets rid of the inches between them on his own.

#sereshaw #hangster #top gun maverick #top gun fanfiction #i did it fuck it #this is shit but i needed to write them seriously

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interstellarlyinlove · 8 months ago

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Almost kiss (May 13th)

word count: 707

@wolfstarmicrofic

Sirius is so angry he’s going to explode. He wants to break something but he’s sitting on his bed and there’s nothing to break. “What do you mean?”

Sirius can tell that Remus is also angry. His skin is blotchy and he’s pacing around their dorm room. “I mean, there is so way in hell I’m going to risk any of you getting hurt.”

“But there is no risk!” Sirius wants to hold Remus by the shoulders and shake some sense into him. “Why won’t you let us help you?”

“Because you don’t know that there is no risk!” Remus screams. “Who decided that an animagus is werewolf bite immune, again?”

“Mcgonagall said–”

“Everything McGonagall said is theoretical. And I’m sure she'd agree with me if she knew why you were asking her in the first place. There is no real-life proof or evidence or–”

“Remus, listen to me,” Sirius says, trying to keep his voice level. He stands up and crowds Remus’ personal space because he wants Remus to listen to him. He puts his hand on Remus’ shoulder, and Remus holds his gaze. “Animals can’t be werewolves. It’s safe. Lycanthropy only affects humans and how lucky are we? That’s–”

“Don’t patronize me!”

“I’m not,” Sirius says. He tries again, “I’m sorry. Remus, we want to do this for you.”

Remus lets out a shaky breath. “Sirius, I truly appreciate it. I know I’m being harsh but this is the nicest thing someone’s ever done to me, and I love you all so much. It’s incredible. I can’t even express how grateful I am that you thought of something like this.”

Sirius shakes his head. He thinks it’s because they’re standing so close but he can’t scream anymore no matter how much he wants to. Instead, he whispers, “Don’t talk like that. This isn’t a favor.”

“I won’t hurt you.”

“You could never hurt us.”

“I would never forgive myself if–”

“We’d be safe, Re. We’d be helping you.”

“Sirius, you’re not hearing what I’m saying.”

Except Sirius is hearing what Remus is saying, he just doesn’t like it. Sirius wants to enter Remus’ brain and poke around until he makes him see sense. More than anything, Sirius wants to make the most horrible thing Remus has to go through incredibly too often suck less, because no one in the world deserves to endure horrible transformations on full moons, but especially not Remus.

Sirius wants to say all of this, and he looks Remus in the eye and opens his mouth to do just that, but nothing comes out. Because Remus is looking at him all heartbroken and somehow hopeful at the same time and Sirius has never seen anything more breathtaking in his life. He doesn’t know what’s come over him and he swears he’s still angry and furious but Sirius feels like he’d implode if he doesn’t kiss Remus this fucking instant. And, oh, that is a thought.

Sirius is too angry to care, and he’ll scream some more after the fact, so he leans the tiniest bit closer and it may be his mind fucking him over but he swears Remus does the same, and they’re breathing in the same air and–

“This took us forever to find but– oh.”

Sirius jumps. He turns around and sees James and Peter standing in front of him. James is grinning and Peter is holding an enormous ancient-looking book.

“If I knew that making out with Remus was all that it took to make him change his mind I would’ve done it myself.”

“That’s not–”

“James! You–”

“It’s safe!” Peter says, cutting Remus and Sirius off and hitting Sirius’ chest with the book. Sirius yanks the book from Peter’s grip. “Look at the bookmarked pages.”

Remus is blushing when he takes the book from Sirius the very next second. Sirius thinks he’s blushing as well. “You shouldn’t dog ear library books, Peter, ”Remus mumbles as he starts flipping through.

Sirius chances a look at James and he immediately looks away because he can’t handle that much self-satisfaction right now. Only then does Sirius realize that it’s safe. He looks at James again and grins.

This is Sirius’ most favorite day, for more reason than one.

#I'm screaming at you because I love you and want to help you never be in pain again why won't you listen to me #Uhm actually maybe we should kiss :)#Sirius' internal monologues are always so so fun I love that guy #I'm on a microfic streak! My goal is 15/30 for may! It's been so fun thank you mods <3 #remus x sirius #remus lupin #sirius black #wolfstar drabble #marauders era #my writing

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smittenmeraki · 16 days ago

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I have been dwelling on the ravens, I need to preface this tangent with, I am not at all disregarding, belittling or excusing any of what these people have done, but I neeed to deep dive my thoughts because i cant be the only one who thought about this

Spoliers for like literally everything 😅

All of the ravens were failed, not just Kevin and Jean or even Neil. Even Riko and Greyson were failed. They were children. They were abused and manipulated and treated like they werent even people. They were forced into solitude, conditioned into violence and I can understand why most of them turned into monsters. If you really take a step back to think about it, its survival of the fittest, but being the fittest means being the cruelest, because if you were the absolute worst, no one would hurt you. 'If I become the monster, maybe I will be safe from what they do to each other'. How many times do you think the thought crossed their minds of "I cant be weak or I will end up like Jean, a punching bag, a play thing" or "If I mess up, if I dont give it my everything, they will break me like they did Kevin, but they will be more thorough this time, theyd end me" these are children, how else would they respond to these horrible conditions, how can you expect an abused dog to not attack. They are straved and beaten and beraided all for the sake of a 'game'. Greyson was a normal kid before he became a raven, and I dont think those straws would have ever broken of he hadnt become one because they probably never would have exisited. Yes, he is a horrible person now, but he didnt ask for this and in another life, he could have been someone. An older brother with a family and a goal for life, but he was no longer a brother and he had no family, only 'teammates'. I am so hoping that in one of the next books that the world sees what they did to these kids. I need doors busted down and people arrested, if Neil's uncle gets ahold of the Moriyamas, I dont want him to kill him or arrest him because he has always been weary of that, no I need him to tear down everything he has built, to show the people who he is and what his true colors are. I need the world to see that Riko was murdered because his uses ended. I need them to see that these kids are dropping like flies because they cant be people anymore, they dont know how. I want eyewitnesses and video footage making it out and it being undeniable that these kids were failed. They were supposed to be protected, loved and taught. College is supposed to be the gateway to adulthood and they were stripped of their freedom and made into machines. This breaks my heart. I know its so easy to hate these characters and to be angry, which is completely vaild and how we are supposed to view them because they are bad people, but at the end of the day they are children, they never got wymacks second chance or a found family. They didnt have a Renee to pull them out or an Andrew for protection, maybe if they had, things might have been different.

#tsc #the sunshine court #jean moreau #kevin day #neil josten #riko moriyama #aftg

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the-badger-mole · 7 months ago

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Swept Away

Katara took a deep breath. In through her nose. Out through her mouth. She wasn't nervous. Not really. Not in the sense that other people mean when they say they're nervous. She wasn't scared. She was eager. In a few short minutes, she would be a wife. She would be Zuko's wife. He was going to be her husband.

"Are you sure about this?" Suki asked for the thousandth time. "Really sure?"

"I am." Katara opened her eyes and turned to her sister-in-law. She couldn't fight the smile that spread over her face. "I'm more sure of this than anything in my life. Zuko's it. He's the one."

"Katara," Suki sighed. "Look, I get it. Zuko's incredibly hot. He's smart. He...seems really nice, but-"

"Suki," Katara started to say, but she didn't get a chance to complete her thought.

"Katara, you've known him three months!" Suki burst out. "You've only been dating for eight weeks! You are the most straight laced person I've ever met. Why are you doing something this...impulsive? You're not impulsive!"

"What are you talking about?" Katara turned from the mirror to face Suki directly. "I'm exactly this impulsive. Don't you remember Jang Hui? My protest about gender equality for STEM fields at the North Pole? The time I started a rally for prison reform?"

"Okay, fine," Suki relented, rolling her eyes. "When it comes to social justice, you are very impulsive. But, this? Katara, you're getting married! Without your dad here. Without your GranGran! I know how much they mean to you."

"They mean the world to me," Katara agreed. "But you know I've never cared about a huge wedding. I love Zuko. I love him. I don't see why I should have to wait to make him my husband just because it would take too long for Dad to fly over to see us get married. We'll have a big party...a huge one later. And everyone we love will get to meet and celebrate. But this feels right!"

"Right?" Suki snorted. "It feels right to get married without telling anyone but me and your brother?"

"Yeah," Katara said. A wistful smile tugged at her lips. "I know it sounds crazy, but...I can't wait to marry him. I literally cannot wait. I've never felt this way about anyone. You know! I know you do. Sokka told me you and he started talking about marriage two months in." Suki rolled her eyes skyward and groaned.

"Yeah, talking about it!" Suki repeated it. "We didn't actually get engaged until a year in! We got married on our second anniversary!"

"Zuko and I don't want to wait that long," Katara laughed. "So we've on a faster timeline. So what?"

"What if there are things you don't like about him?" Suki pressed. "What if he's....I don't know...super anal about the way you put toilet paper on the roll? What if he doesn't wash his feet in the shower? What if he...he hates cats?"

"Did you know Sokka's every annoying habit when you married him?" Katara challenged. Suki made a face at her and sucked her teeth.

"No," she admitted. "But I knew a few of them! I knew enough to know that I could deal with the biggest ones."

"So do I," Katara said. "I know that Zuko likes his food unreasonably spicy. I know that when he's angry, he shuts down and needs a day or two before he can talk about it calmly. I know he thinks rom-coms are a wasted of a perfectly good evening. But I also know that he already values my opinion and will make decisions with me. I know he's put in so much work unlearning toxic traits he was taught as a child, way before he and I met. I know he has the softest heart underneath the hard layers. In three months, he's become one of my closest friends. I trust him, and he trusts me. I love him, Suki. I want to marry him now.

"Um..." Suki swiped at her eyes with her knuckles, and blinked rapidly against more tears. "I get that. I do! I just don't want you to regret doing it this way. I don't want you to regret not having Dad here to walk you down the aisle. Or not having Gran Gran help you into your gown. Don't you want a first dance with Zuko?

Katara turned back to the mirror and considered her reflection. As a girl, she had pictured her wedding. Her dressed in silk and looking the best she's ever looked, and her father walking with her to meet her husband. It was exactly as Suki said, with her dancing with her new husband while people took pictures and tossed confetti. Her extended family together and celebrating.

"I don't need it," she told Suki. "Did you know that the only family that Zuko has is his uncle? His mother is dead. His father is a monster. His sister won't speak to him. He wouldn't be alone- he has friends- but, it wouldn't be the same. Plus crowds make him anxious.

"So he asked for this?" Suki frowned. "He wanted to get married at City Hall?

"No, this was my idea," Katara assured her best friend. "He said he was fine with whatever I wanted. But Zuko's an introvert, and a little agoraphobic. The only buffer he would have would be me and his uncle. He wouldn't enjoy himself. Not as much as I would want. There will be plenty of time later to celebrate with the people we love. But not all at once.

"Dad won't like it," Suki warned. Katara shrugged.

"He'll get over it once I explain it to him," she said. "And he'll love Zuko. They have a lot in common."

Suki stared at Katara for a long while, wracking her brains for something, anything to say to her sister-in-law. She came up frustratingly empty. She should have more objections to her best friend and sister marrying someone she's only known a few months. Katara was convincing. She was very convincing when she wanted to be. Finally, Suki threw her hands up in surrender. If Katara was making a mistake, then the next best thing Suki and Sokka could do was make sure they were at least close enough to help her if she needed it.

"Sokka's not thrilled," she told Katara. "I promised him I'd talk sense into you before it was too late."

"It's been too late for a while," Katara chuckled. Suki nodded and laughed with her.

"I see that now," she said. "Sokka's going to be so disappointed."

"I hope that won't cause any issues with you guys," Katara's brow drew down in worry. Suki just waved her off, though.

"Nah," she said. "I'll just tell him I'm pregnant if he gets too riled up." Katara gasped and leapt up from her seat.

"Are you joking?" she squealed. Suki grinned and shook her head.

"I just found out a couple of days ago," she said. "I was going to take him out to the game this weekend and have it announced on the jumbotron, but I'll use it to distract him from your questionable decision making if I need to."

"I'm so happy for you!" Katara said pulling Suki in for a hug. Suki hugged her back tightly.

"I'm happy for you, too." And to her surprise, Suki realized she meant it.

#atla #zutara #katara and suki #surprise! we got married!#hakoda took it better than anyone expected #katara was right #after she explained why they did what they did he was cool with it #iroh is surprisingly more upset #but it doesn't last that long #he gets over it in a week

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yetanotherhiddlestoner · 17 days ago

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(MDNI- THE SMUT IS FINALLY HERE)

(Summary ~ (A former) Plus size reader x Negan. In the world of the dead rising, you just happen to fall for the one fucked up person who has no interest in you. And I am aware the timeline doesn't add up but for the story I had to make the timeline longer than a couple months.)

~Word Count ~ 2738

~Warnings ~ SMUT, P in V, Unprotected sex (use protection!!!!!), swearing. (GIF not mine)

CHAPTER FIVE - I FELL HARD, YOU'LL FALL HARDER.

~1 week later~

As usual you wake up before Negan, your own internal alarm wakes you up just before the sun hits your face, you quickly make your bed, get dressed and head downstairs to make breakfast for yourself, deciding to wake Negan up in 15 minutes so you can start before it gets too hot. He had been on such good behavior the last week, never late to the job, always kind to those who walked past and judged him, some of the folk had stopped to talk to him, others just looked angry that he was being given a second chance. Rick and the others were still on edge, stating he was a ticking time bomb and they waited for the day he would go off.

Once again, the job for the day was to the gardens and doing a quick patrol outside the fences, killing the strays and seeing if there were any holes to fix. Pouring yourself some cereal you sit at the counter and eat; you can hear people outside already.

Negan wakes up to the sounds outside, people chatting to each other, cars being worked on. Everyday waking up in your house, his back was thankful for the soft mattress instead of the prison cot. He lays there, looking at the ceiling, thinking, going over the last 7 days with you, everything about you made it hard for his body not to react to you. The way the sweat dripped down your forehead in the midday heat, or the way your pants tighten as you bent over to pick up things from the ground. even though he should be focused on work, he couldn't help but stare, sometimes he wondered if you did it just so he could look.

Each time his body would start to stir, and he quickly tried to hide it from you, trying to not embarrass you.

He hears your footsteps quietly coming up the stairs and then your gentle knock upon his bedroom door. "Come in" he answers, sitting up in bed, he quickly covers his naked body, if he was still the leader of the sanctuary, he wouldn't have cared but this was a new chapter for both him and you so for now he wanted to be modest and cover himself up. "Time to rise and shine. Wanna get the gardening started before it gets to hot outside." You say your head peeking in from the door, spotting him.

"Well," He looks under the white bed sheet and smirks "I am already rising, if you want to give me a few minutes. I'll meet you downstairs." He notices the blush rising on your cheeks, when you finally caught on to what he was talking about. "Do you always think about sex?" You ask rising an eyebrow, quickly remembering the moment at Olivia's house. "When there is a sexy as fuck lady in my presence than the answer is yes., I could easily show you how hard I am right now?" He starts to play with the corner of the sheet. Teasing you, no he was testing you. You wanted to stand your ground, call his bluff, to once more push him away and his attempts.

"Go on then, I think your just wasting time, already bored of these daily chores you wanna have the day off and so you will say anything" you say as you enter his bedroom fully and he chuckles, as you try to maintain control of this little game.

"You freaked out about me being in a towel a few days ago, if I take this sheet off right now, how will you react?" You shrug, "Well, that was a different scenario" You mentally roll your eyes at your response, it really wasn't that much different, but for now you went back to trying to act as if this little game was nothing more than just two friends teasing one another. "You really want to do this Y/N because if we do, I can tell you right now we will not be being our chores today. You will not be allowed out of my bed." His threat hangs in the air as your eyes remain locked on his. "Big talk" you say, smirking.

He swings his legs over the side of the bed, carefully maneuvering the sheet to wrap around his waist. The tension in the room rising each second. "Come here" Negan orders you and opens his legs to accommodate you. You walk over and stand between his legs, his hands go straight to your ass, grabbing it. "You really going to push me doll?" His eyes looking up at you, his chin resting on your stomach.

"You are all talk Negan." You say, smiling. "I'll show you all talk" He growls as he stands up, still holding you and put you on the bed, his body covering you, the sheet still tightly wrapped around his waist. "Well shit now Rick is going to hate us both because I am not letting you leave." You can feel his erection nestled between your thighs. "I think Rick already dislikes us anyway" you whisper as you shift your waist to rub yourself over his hard on.

"And you are really over dressed, time we fix that." He takes off your empty holsters and slowly unbuttons your blouse. You watch as his long fingers undo each singular button. Part of you still thinks he is bluffing but it fades away as he exposes your breasts to him. He kisses your chest, as his hands move around to your bra, you lift your back to allow him access. You sigh once you feel the release of the clasp, he grabs and chucks to a corner of his room. He grabs your breast and brings them together, kissing them softly. You gasp at the feeling of his tongue licking at your nipples. "Holy shit you are good at that." you gasp out.

"Glad you enjoy this as much as I am, can you feel me?" He pushes his hips even deeper into you. "Fuck yes Negan." You can feel your body responding to his. "I bet you are so fucking wet for me" Negan growls as his hand travels down to, he slides into your jeans and underwear to your pussy. His fingers just gently move over your lips, "Fucking knew it doll, you are soaked for me."

"Please Negan" You moan as his fingers gently push between your lips, touching your clit, making you moan. "You are such a naughty little lamb, allowing the big bad wolf to touch you, giving you pleasure." His hand leaves you wanting more but he makes quick work of your jeans pulling them and your underwear down in one swift motion and throwing it somewhere behind him.

"Now you are overdressed" You whisper at him as you wrap your arms around his neck. In a blink of an eye the sheet disappears, and you see his erect cock, he smirks as you stare at it, taking in its size, "I am guessing you like what you see?" Negan asks wrapping his hand around himself, pumping slowly. "Like is an understatement. Holy fuck I heard rumors about your size but thought them wives were over exaggerating" You hear Negan chuckle. "Well thank you darling."

He shimmies down your body, sliding off the bed to the floor, he places your legs on his shoulders. " I really need to have a taste of you." he mumbles as he tongue moves along your slit, you arch your hips up to him, grabbing a pillow you place it underneath you. You moan as his tongue finds your clit and circles it once, twice, three times and then the feeling of his fingers entering you makes you almost come. "I knew you would be fucking tight doll." He says pumping two fingers in and out a few times before adding a third and stretching you out more, filling you up. "Aw Negan" you moan feeling you getting close to the orgasm, you feel the fire within your stomach growing. His fingers move in and out a few more times before he climbs back on top of you and without warning thrusts his cock into your pussy making you scream out in pleasure. Your nails scratch at his back as your legs wrap around his waist. The room fills with moans and grunts. "Negan......" "Fuck...." "I'm close....please" "Fuck this...pussy is fucking amazing." "I'm not going to last" "Please," You can't stop the orgasm from pulsing through you, your walls clenching around his cock, and you soon feel the hot sensation of his own orgasm filling you up.

You and Negan lay there, quietly panting. "You, ok?" Negan asks after a while. "Very much, fuck your good at that." You say as you roll to face him. Negan chuckles. "Just wait till later, we have the whole day to, I want to show you how I can be gentle as well in bed." "I think the whole of Alexandria knows what we just did" you laugh, "Well fuck them it was going to happen anyway, I really was thinking of taking you in my cell once if you trusted me enough." "How would you do that?" You ask looking at him, smiling. "Your could have you ass pushed against the bars while I pound you from behind, trust me, I had it all worked it out" You slap his chest and laugh.

A knock at your front door sounds through the house. "Fuck me" Negan groans as you move to greet them "No." "No?" You raise an eyebrow at him. "I said if you stay here, you won't leave my bed. So, I am going to greet them and tell them to fuck off." He wraps the sheet around his waist "I will be back with snacks and drinks in five ok doll, stay right there." You smile and lay back down; you throw your hands up innocently. "Yes sir." you reply.

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Negan heads downstairs and knows instantly who is at your front door. "Good morning, Rick" He greets as he opens the front door wide, standing there in nothing but the sheet. "Morning Negan, is Y/N available?" Rick says peeking inside the house, looking for you. "Actually, funny thing, Y/N won't be available today sorry" Negan smirks, knowing full well that this is pissing off Rick so much. "Why not?" "Why is it your business?" "She has jobs to do today and so do you." "Well shit Ricky my man, don't know what to tell you." "What the fuck have you done with Y/N?" "Well now that you mention fucking, that is exactly what we did and holy fuck was it great, so if you could excuse me I have many promises to keep to her, I'll let you in on a secret, I am going to make her scream my name multiple times today, I suggest you and everyone that walks pass this house to just ignore it." Negan shuts the door on Rick, then heads to the kitchen to grab snacks and water for you.

He lets the sheet fall off on the stairs.

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You hear his footsteps coming back up the stairs, he turns the corner with promised snacks, proudly naked once again. You smile at him "Who was it?" You ask sitting up in the bed, covering your body with the blanket.

"Just Rick, he might be mad tomorrow as I just gave him some attitude, but he knows about our little fun" You roll your eyes "Of course you did" "Anyways told him to warn the town that if they hear your screams to ignore it" Negan says opening a bottle of water and taking a sip, smirking at your reaction. You blush bright red and shake your head.

"I do intend to make you scream my name Y/N" Negan's fingers trail up your bare leg. "I have no doubt that you do Negan" you say staring at him. Your body shivers as his fingers move. "You have a small idea of how long I have waited for you. The last week has been a nightmare, I feel like a teenage boy once again. Getting hard in the middle of the town, fucking my hand in the showers in the morning thinking of your body, your legs wrapped around my waist while I pound into your body as its pinned to the wall."

You blush more at his words, imagining sharing a shower with him, both wet, wrapped each other, bodies connected. He climbs over you once more, pinning you underneath him. "Tell me have you touched yourself thinking of me Y/N?" He asks looking it your eyes deeply. You nod "Yes I have" you whisper. "When was the first time you did.?" You think back to the Sanctuary. "When I started to have feelings for you back at the Sanctuary, I would lay in bed and my mind would wander, how your hands would grab my flesh, then after I was done, I would feel disgusted in myself, because, well my weight." You admit to him.

"Why would you be disgusted in yourself sweetheart?" "Again, why would you wanna even think of fucking someone who was fat?" "Well, I did several times think of doing just that, you have to stop putting yourself down, your body back then and right now are a temple for me to worship."

You bite your lip, you knew you couldn't stay in the past, but it was hard to even think he would be interested in you at all. You used all your strength to push Negan off you and push him down onto the bed, straddling him, his cock, semi hard once more nestling between your legs.

"Woah Sweetheart," His hands grip your waist. "I always imagined being on top, riding you, seeing the pleasure I could bring you." You rub yourself up and down his cock, your wetness coating it. Negan groans at the feeling, his hips rising up a little to push his hardening member into your folds. Your eyes roll back as you lean back, bracing yourself on his legs as you slide up and down his cock, the tip hitting your clit with each move. "Y/N Fuck" Negan moans, his hand reaches down and holds his cock up, lining it up to your entrance. You slide down onto him, both moaning at the feeling.

You move slowly, riding him softly at first, just allowing the feeling of him filling you up to make you wetter, his hands grip your waist harder, you can tell he is doing all he can to not thrust up into you, he wants you to set the pace.

His eyes look at where your bodies join, you start to bounce on his cock a little faster, moaning as his tip now hits your g-spot, you can feel your orgasm building with each thrust.

"God y/n you feel so good. Do you like riding me?" Negan gives in and thrusts up meeting your core. "Yes….." you moan as your held in place and fucked by Negan, his nails digging into your flesh. "I like this view" he says one hand grabbing your breast as it bounces against your skin, he kneads it. "Fucking hot watching you ride me, your pussy clenching me tightly, your tits bouncing in my face, lean forward sweetheart" He asks, you lean forward, and his tongue flicks your hardened nipple causing you to gasp, he starts sucking one and then the other.

"Negan please" You moan, your place you hands on his legs behind you, arching your back as you ride him, Negan matches your thrusts. You head rolls back as you feel yourself tipping over the edge with the orgasm, Negan quickly grabs your hips and makes you sit still on him as his own orgasm releasing, his hot seed once more filling you up.

Your name rolling off his lips as you come down from your orgasm and lay on his chest, his soft cock slips out of you. You both lay there panting, limbs wrapping around each other. You body rings out in pleasure as your heart slowly starts to go back to its normal pace, sweat coats both of you.

Negan kisses your forehead and sighs. This right here was perfect.

#daddy negan #negan x reader #negan x y/n #the walking dead negan #negan smut #negan smith #jeffery dean morgan #jdm #negan fanfiction #negan smith x you #the walking dead smut #negan smith smut

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jasmine-tea-biscuits · 2 months ago

Text

Some Long Live Evil Appreciation

Long Live Evil by Sarah Rees Brennan has a tragically small fandom. I guess I’ll pop out from the abyss like a screaming and starving ghoul bent on taking someone down with me because I JUST FINISHED IT HALF AN HOUR AGO AND I AM DESPERATE FOR CONTENT!!!

This will be spoiler free. I just need to ramble.

Anyway, it’s about Rae who’s dying from cancer when she’s given a chance to stop her death by going into her favourite fantasy novel. The only catch is that she lands in the body of the villainess and now has to avoid that horrible ending. Oh and she has to somehow scheme her way to a magical flower that only blooms once a year and can only save her that one night.

As someone who loves villainess isekai anime, I can confidently say this feels like a love letter to it. We’ve got our girl accidentally befriending and making characters fall for her in her attempts to avoid her doom! On top of that, we have her driving the plot more and more off track as she tries to fix it! We even have antics so cartoonish that they could be cringe, but they circle back to ridiculously iconic!

It’s riddled with pop culture references that will age it but I Do not care for it is wonderfully cheesy and our protagonists definitely need a break from all the blood and gore.

I also really love the side characters. They don’t just mindlessly follow Rae, and most take a while to warm up to her actually. But the back stories and alternating POVs we get in contrast to Rae’s reader knowledge? CHEF’S KISS! PlUS THERES QUEER REP!!

And the love story? Seems like there might be a love triangle at first but it’s made very obvious very quickly that there isn’t one. That medieval alpha male mf never stood a chance!

The love interest is unhinged in the best way possible. In the doesn’t save the world, but would burn it to save you kind of way! In a kill every last one of them kind of way that reminds me of my one and only Dimitri from Fire Emblem. Seriously, if you’re like me and seeing him feral post time skip unlocked something in you, this book has the dude for you!

Anyway, I gotta say that I really relate to Rae. I haven’t experienced illness like her.”, but when I suddenly became disabled as a teenager, I felt similarly angry when people asked me to show some grace and understanding to those who treated me like a charity case or something to be discarded when it became too hard for them to watch. When she talked about trying to hold back emotion to keep from pushing more people away, I was silent taking it in. Rae’s fury at being called a bitch for her anger healed a part of me. And her using that to fuel herself? I CANNOT EMPHASIZE HOW CATHARTIC IT WAS ENOUGH!

If any of this caught your interest, you should go read it. I NEED PEOPLE TO SHARe THIS OBSESSION With!!!

I’m off to brainstorm fanfic while I wait for the second book.

#long live evil #time of iron #time of iron series #sarah rees brennan

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theloveoffootball10 · 20 days ago

Text

sᴛɪᴄᴋᴡɪᴛᴜ - ᴛ ʜ ɪ ʀ ᴛ ʏ ғ ɪ ᴠ ᴇ

m a s t e r l i s t

ᴛ ʜ ɪ ʀ ᴛ ʏ ғ ɪ ᴠ ᴇ

Waking up in Lando's arms for the first time since Austin feels like heaven. The warmth that radiates from him is like a massive comfort blanket draped over my whole body. Our hotel room is still dark thanks to the curtains being pulled closed but it has to be at least mid morning by now. After the race I was always going to stay in Abu Dhabi for a few days but now I get to spend it with Lando, testing finished yesterday now Lando's time is purely his own until he has to prepare for the season next year.

"Now the hangover has gone and it's had time to sink in how does it feel knowing you're a four time race winner and a constructors championship winner?"

"Fucking incredible especially knowing you were there with my family. It's always been amazing when my family come but to have you here with them again is even better" the smile on Lando's face the last couple of days has been unmatched, he hasn’t stopped smiling and it’s so nice to see the happy glow back "it cements my belief that you're my lucky charm"

"Maybe I am. Maybe I'll have to find a way to be at more races next season"

"I'd love it if you were" I don't know how I'll do it but I know I need to be at more races.

"You didn't get with anyone when we weren't together" I state resting my head on Lando's chest looking up at him. It's definitely more of a statement than a question.

"Where has this came from? But of course I didn't. I was far too cut up about not having you and knowing I hurt you. I couldn't have even looked at another girl never mind done anything. What makes you say that?" Lando asks playing with the ends of my hair.

"You probably think I'm strange but I could tell. When we had sex your cum felt different when it was inside of me and when it was on my tongue it was thicker. I could just tell"

"I wasn't expecting that but did you really think I'd get with someone else? You're the be all and end all for me Lu" I almost feel like I've offended Lando from the look on his face. Even if he did get without someone else I couldn't be angry. I was the one who walked away.

"To be honest, I wasn't sure at first because of what I thought happened but now we've had a chance to talk I know you weren't with anyone else"

"Lucía I love you too much to not fight for you. Every second we were apart I was trying to think of ways I could possibly get you back and how I could get you to believe me" Lando tells me as he turns his body towards me.

"I love you too Lando. I wish I had just listened to you in the first place then maybe we both wouldn't have been hurting" running my fingers through Lando's curls I kiss him softly "lets go to the beach"

"Get yourself in a fit little bikini and I'll take you to Yas Beach Club for the day. Good food, music and good company" Lando smirks as he gets out of bed heading to the bathroom.

"Why does that face tell me you're up to something?"

"I'm not up to anything. I just want to spend the day with my girlfriend now I know I can definitely call her my girlfriend again" as I follow Lando into the bathroom to wash my face and brush my teeth I look over at him.

"I'm always going to be yours Lando, whether you want me or not there is no other man for me" wrapping my arms around Lando's waist I rest my head on his bare chest as I feel his arms go around me holding me tight "I'm looking forward to today but moments like this are my favourite with you"

"What do you mean?"

"When it's just us and everything is stripped back. It's just me and you, no one else matters, no one else has an opinion on what we're doing. You're just my boyfriend Lando, not Lando Norris the Formula One driver who is on every female's Christmas list" when I'm with Lando I can be myself completely, I don't have to keep my guard up and I know he's never going to judge me. I can be vulnerable with him.

"I know what you mean. It helps me so much knowing you understand the world I come from and how abnormal it is but you respect it. You let me be me whether that's being completely ridiculous, spending hours gaming with Max or whether you just hold me like you did the other day. That meant more to me than anything"

"Lando I'll be there for it all. You are my person and that will never change" standing on my tip toes I kiss Lando before pulling away "should we go before we spend all day holed up in a hotel room telling each other how much we're in love with each other?"

"Yes but I'll tell you how much I'm in love with you no matter where we are" Lando throws a wink my way as he walks back to the bedroom to get dressed. I don't know what he saw in me back when we met but I'm pleased he saw something.

Once we get dressed it doesn't take long for us to arrive at Yas Beach, we only have a day left in Abu Dhabi before I'll be going back to Cheshire and Lando to either Monaco or his parents house and I want to make the most of the time we have together. I understand Lando's need to see his family, he's away from them so much throughout the year I know he likes to go back home and stay under the radar especially to see Mila and Athena.

I get it though, Christmas time especially is always the one time of year I make sure to go and see my family in Spain. Usually I travel to see my dad or see him back in the UK but at Christmas I go to see everyone. I have no idea how this Christmas with Lando in the picture will work, all I know is that I want to spend some time with him at some point.

"Should we order food? I'm starving" I ask Lando as I take off my cover up to get comfy for the afternoon. I know people saw Lando walking in but I'm hoping being the kind of venue this is, they'll leave us alone.

"Baby you're always hungry. Order what you want and I'll have a look at the menu once you're done"

"Why don't we just get a load of stuff off the menu to share? The nachos and the fried mozzarella sound good oh but so do the truffle fries and Greek chicken skewers" I say looking at the food menu in front of me. The beach club is beautiful, our cabana is next to the pool but there is a clear view of the crystal blue sea in front of us. It's truly stunning.

"You do realise I am still an athlete even if the season is done" Lando says with a laugh seeing the excitement on my face as I read through the menu.

"Oh my god babe we have to get one of these! They have a Nutella crepe with Kinder Maxi on top!" I know with Lando's love of Kinder chocolate he is about to cave. I appreciate that he'll stick to his healthy eating as much as possibly but it's December, it's time to pull out the 'fuck it, it's Christmas' excuse.

"You're in charge. I don't dare look at that menu or we'll have one of everything but you better share!" looking at Lando laying in the sun he looks stunning. As soon as the sun hits him he glows.

"I always share fucker!"

"You Lucía Alonso never share food and don't try to tell me otherwise!" I go to argue back but no words leave my mouth, he's completely right. I don't share food.

landonorris

Liked by carlossainz55, olivernorris, zedd and 804,329 others

landonorris celebrated the end of my best season so far in Abu Dhabi with the love of my life esmelucia. Time for us to go home for Christmas now my girl ❤️

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esmelucia love you 🥹 *plays Hannah Montana One In a Million*

user724 brb going to cry over the cuteness

↪️ user395 he's so in love

↪️ esmelucia same

user201 she must have really missed the lifestyle to get back with him but saying that he barely spends any time with her anyway, he's always gaming

↪️ user103 no one said they broke up but do you really think giving Lando's girlfriend hate is going to get him to drop her for you? You can see looking at him that's he's completely in love with Lucía and adores her!

↪️ esmelucia user103 preach 🙌🏽 user201 ur boring. Gaming helps him unwind and how do you know I'm not there warming his cock as he's gaming? His knee is rather comfortable.

Once I am back in England my weeks resume as normal. It's nice to have a routine back but I miss Lando so much. I talk to him as much as possible but I don't want to be an annoying girlfriend who is constantly on the other end of the phone. I know he's doing his best at trying to spend time with everyone. It's now Friday and strangely, Lando and I haven't made plans. Since we got back from Abu Dhabi we have made an effort to at least see each other on a weekend if it isn't possible during the week. Parking my car on the drive I grab my bag from the passenger seat and make my way into the kitchen where I find my mum, Liv and her mum.

"Nice of you to all have a party while I'm grafting away"

"Forever the drama queen, never change Luc" Steph says rolling her eyes at me as she passes me a glass of wine "get that down you then go and pack a weekend bag"

"Why?"

"Don't question these things Lucía just do it" my mum chimes in and I can't help but think they have something up their sleeves.

"Why did none of you tell me this before? I could've packed last night and been ready"

"Stop questioning things and just do it child. We've made last minute plans for the four of us to surprise you so the sooner you're ready the better, we have places to be" looking between my mum, Liv and Steph I can't work out what the urgency is for all of this however I take the glass of wine with me as Liv follows.

"Do you know what is going on?" I ask Liv as I stand in my wardrobe looking at my clothes in front of me. I have no idea where we're going to plan outfits.

"I do but I'm not going to tell you and ruin the surprise. You'll need warm clothes that's all I'm going to tell you" Liv says as she walks back into my bedroom to lay on the bed.

"You're no help! Anyway how are you feeling?" I ask sticking my head round the door to look at Liv's bump.

"Tired and sick of eating but other than that good. He seems to keep his feet near my bladder so a lot of the time it feels like he's tapping his feet" I still can't believe my best friend is having a baby but I'm so happy for her "Noah loves that he can feel him kicking now, he keeps asking if I'll call him Nando"

"That boy loves my dad more than I do. I mean at least that means my dad is back being his favourite driver. Where is he anyway? My mum said it's the four of us going"

"He's with his dad for the weekend which is why we're making this our girls Christmas weekend so hurry up! We have to leave in about 40 minutes" I have no idea what is planned, but the more I find out small details the more confused I am. Throwing a load of clothes and toiletries at Liv I ask her to pack them into a bag while I shower. When I finished work I planned on changing into my pyjamas, ordering a takeaway with my mum and cheesy Christmas movies not having to get ready for a weekend away.

"Eventually! You're late and have to leave, I swear you'll be late for your own wedding and funeral!"

"Forgive me Stephanie, you all caught me off guard!" I don't think I've ever known Steph to be so stressed over something.

"Call me Stephanie again and I'll leave you here whether this is a surprise for you or not!" I try to protest but it's no use, I'm practically marched out to a waiting taxi. I have no idea where we're going and the dark roads give me no hint.

"Hi Lando" I say answering my phone to the usual after work phone call I get when I'm not with Lando. He always asks how my day at work has been but today he doesn't.

"What's your weekend plans?"

"I don't know apparently my mum, Liv and Steph have a surprise for me. I’ve been kidnapped and I'm going somewhere but I have no idea where" as we pull up to a heliport my confusion grows "wait have you got something to do with this Lando Norris?"

"I'll speak to you soon baby" Lando says and I hear the grin on his face as he speaks. He's definitely in on this, I want to believe I'm going to get to see him but I don't want to get my hopes up just in case he's only arranged the helicopter.

"The helicopter explains why Stephanie over there is so stressed" I say as we get out of the taxi and make our way into the helicopter that is waiting for us, champagne glasses and all "Can someone please tell me what is going on? and is Lando involved because that man knew something!"

"You'll find out soon mate. Stop being impatient because it's just as annoying as what my mother being stressed is!"

"If you weren't pregnant I would drop kick you right about now" putting my headset on I listen to the pilot as we take to the air. This is surreal. I can't see a lot out of the window due to the darkness but there's no mistaking that we're flying into London as the familiar Eastenders opening credits image comes into view. I don't even ask because I won't get a straight answer but from what I'm piecing together, we're having a girls weekend in London.

Stepping off the helicopter we’re shown to another waiting car which navigates us through the busy Friday night traffic of London. It takes what feels like forever but eventually we arrive at the Hilton hotel on Park Lane. I might not know what is going on but I know for a fact Lando is involved.

“You’re definitely treating us this weekend mother” I say trying to probe my mum to give something away. Usually we’d book a normal hotel and wouldn’t go all out if we booked a night away.

“Well it’s Christmas so me and Steph thought we’d make it special” my mum is lying, I can tell as soon as she is purely because she looks around rather than at you when she talks. I don’t question any more I just roll my eyes and follow her into the hotel reception. That’s when I see him. Lando is sat on a sofa with Max.

“Lando!” I practically throw my bag at my mum as I run across the hotel reception to Lando who catches me in his arms “I missed you so muck this week!”

“I missed you too baby. Whenever I’ve been anywhere I just wanted you to be there”

“You planned this didn’t you?” I ask as my hands settle on Lando’s hips slowly creeping under his hoodie and onto the toned skin of his abs.

“Don’t do that your hands are freezing!” Lando practically screams as he pulls my hands off his skin “but yes I planned this with your mum. I want to take you to winter wonderland so we decided to surprise you”

“I love this so much! Thank you babe, I don’t think anyone has ever surprised me like this!” Kissing Lando quickly I can’t believe he thought of this. I love winter wonderland and it’s so much better when you have a boyfriend to share it with.

“I’ll always do what I can to surprise you. Come on let’s get to our rom and we’ll all go out for dinner together. Our tickets for winter wonderland are for tomorrow” walking back towards my mum, Steph, Liv and Max I can’t stop smiling. This weekend is going to be perfect.

“Are you happy now you know the plan?” My mum asks as we all make our way to the lift.

“Yes but I still wish one of you had told me I’d be seeing Lando. I could’ve packed some sexy underwear for him” whenever I see Lando if we haven’t seen each other for a while, I always try to wear something sexy for him. It’s just somehow became our thing.

“It’s okay you won’t need underwear for what I have planned for you”

“Lando! I don’t want to know about any plans that you have like that! Lucía is still my daughter!” My mum says with a laugh “I’m surprised I haven’t got a grandchild on the way the way you two behave”

“Mum! Oh my god can we stop this please. Okay we all know Lando and I have sex, that conversation doesn’t have to go any further” I need to get out of this situation. Once the lift stops I power walk to our room, I don’t need a conversation about children now. One day I’d love to be a mum but absolutely not yet. This weekend is all about having a cute festive weekend with my boyfriend and those closest to me.

esmelucia 📍Winter Wonderland

Liked by livdavies, abswilson, landonorris and 34,976 others

esmelucia there's more than 8 billion people in the world and I'm stuck with this idiot 🤎

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maxfewtrell why have you cut me out? Three photos and you've removed me from every single one. Rude! Godmother privileges revoked

↪️ esmelucia maybe because you're not my idiot and I'm not stuck with you 🤷🏼‍♀️

↪️ maxfewtrell well you are stuck with me aren't you, genius

↪️ esmelucia 🖕🏽

landonorris livdavies we have a domestic on our hands. Again.

↪️ livdavies leave them to it 💤

user180 I love how much you get on with Max 🥹

↪️ user756 her best friend is having a baby with him and he's her boyfriends best friend, they kind of have to get on.

#lando norris x oc #lando norris fanfic #lando series #lando norris #lando smut #lando #lando norris smut #formula one fanfiction #formula one smut #formula 1 #formula 1 fanfic #formula one #formula 1 smut #f1 smut #formula one fanfic #formula 1 fanfiction #f1 fanfic

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hubookunaluwawa · 1 year ago

Text

the horrifying realization that someone genuinely knows you

it wasn’t supposed to go this way. it was supposed to be easy. casual. fun. but now, you feel like puking. because the second those forbidden words left his lips while he was buried deep inside of you, after a night of the both of you pretending not to know how the other felt, all hell broke loose in your heart. you were able to keep your composure through the end, but once he cleaned you up and fell asleep, you quickly grabbed your stuff and got the hell out of dodge.

your throat tightens up, and your eyes start to sting as you head for the bus stop. one minute passes. then five, and then ten. and then, as if this night hadn’t been bad enough, droplets of rain began to drizzle from the sky. this bus couldn’t be coming any fucking slower, you think, and you nervously tap the side of your leg, hoping with all your might that he didn’t realize you left, because if he did–

“y/n?”

fuck.

“hey!” you feign innocence as you quickly glance at him, “what’re you doing up?”

“i could ask you the exact same thing,” he returns, his smile masking something foreign… something vulnerable.

“oh, well, yeah, i mean, i have an 8 am class, so i have to head back to my place.” you feel your easygoing facade beginning to crumble as you continue to stare straight ahead at the road. you felt gross, lying to someone you always felt so comfortable around. you just hope he doesn’t realize it before the bus gets here.

“really?”

“yep!”

“i mean, i thought you said you don’t like doing… this…” he motions between the two of you, “the morning before an early class. said it fucks up your internal clock and stuff,” he remarks in a tone that makes it crystal clear he’s not buying a word you say.

you turn to look at him once again, and he’s staring at you with a hooded unwavering gaze that you’d mistake for apathy if you didn’t know him any better. unfortunately, you do know him better: enough to notice that the unfamiliar look in his eyes is blatant fear, as if he thinks you could disappear at any moment. and then, how much he knows you hits you all at once, and you’re left a scared little kid with no idea what to do.

“yeah, i guess i just forgot.” you’d have to be in complete denial to think he couldn’t hear the distinct crack in your voice, fake smile be damned. the two of you stare at each other for what feels like hours until the tears threatening to spill from your eyes make you look away.

“y/n.” but his eyes are still on you.

“mhm?” don’t.

“y/n, please.” only on you.

i can’t.

“i need you to tell me if i just fucked everything up back there.” the desperation in his voice is unmistakable, making you catch your breath. your face falls, and your heart hurts more than you ever thought possible.

“why’d you say it,” you whisper, “why’d you have to go and say it?” and his heart shatters at the brokenness of your voice because it was him who did this shit to you.

“when we started this, we promised it wouldn’t turn into anything. and it was fine when it was just me feeling something, but it won’t work with the both of us–”

“why?” something’s changed. he’s angry. “why won’t it work? why can’t we let it work?”

“because shit like this never does!” you scream, and you can feel everything you’ve been bottling up inside for the past few months escaping your body in one go.

“it never does,” you say with a quiet laugh. “we’d get together, and then you’d get bored with me–”

“i could never get bored with you–”

“–or i’d get bored with you,” you continue while noticing the fleeting look of hurt in his eyes that’s quickly overshadowed by anger, “and then we’d only be with each other out of obligation. we’d be ruining a really good thing just for the chance of something different, so just forget it, because whatever… it is that you feel won’t last,” you say as if it’s the funniest thing in the world while gesturing towards him.

“oh, fuck you.” he laughs, tugging his hair in frustration.

“fuck you!” you retort, delirious from the fact that this conversation is even happening at all.

“no, fuck you for trying to tell me that what i feel isn’t real.”

“okay,” you scoff as you begin to walk away. you don’t know where you headed, but as long as he’s not there, you know it’s where you need to be.

“and fuck you for making me love you! in more ways than just one!”

you freeze for probably the 50th time tonight, and you finally look at him again to see the shine in his eyes as he speaks.

“please don’t disappear when i tell you this,” he practically whispers to you with a once-again fearful look.

and you don’t. you’ve heard your fair share of “i love yous” in your life, and they all meant the same, substanceless, conditional thing. and so, the more you heard it, the less you believed it. you’ve seen relationships–both yours and those of the people you care about–fall apart because people will romantically love those that they don’t even like platonically. so you believed, and continue to believe, that romantic love without a platonic basis is an incredibly common recipe for disaster. you know this, and yet, you don’t think you could run from him right now even if you tried.

“i’ve never felt what i’ve felt for you with anybody else. i think about you all the time. like, you’re the first thing i think about in the morning and the last thing on my mind every night. and whenever i see you, it feels like what everybody talks about in the movies and the songs, and it’s like the heavens open up and everything makes sense and my world’s brighter because you’re in it. i’m completely and utterly head-over-heels in love with you.”

he just thinks he is, you try to remind yourself, but this shit isn’t real. it’s just infatuation, a burst of attraction, a trick of the mind. it’ll go away eventually–

“but it’s not just infatuation like you always say.” you mentally curse him for being able to read your mind and peel back your layers so easily, but he takes a step closer to you as he speaks.

“because you’re also the one person i feel most comfortable around. i could be having the worst day of my life and seeing you for a few minutes would make it the best, because everything about you makes me happy! everything! i mean your smile and your eyes and the way you giggle at the corniest jokes and the little crinkle you get on your forehead when i say something dumb and… how you make me feel safe enough to talk to you and know you won’t think i’m crazy, and how passionate you get about the things and people you care about: all of it has me completely obsessed with you, and all i know is that i wanna keep making you breakfast in the mornings and holding you close at night and going on late night drives with you and hearing you laugh because your laugh makes me feel like i’m dreaming whenever i hear it and i can’t help but laugh too because i just can’t believe that, out of everybody on this planet, you keep choosing to be here with me and i just… i love you, y/n. and even if this doesn’t last, i wanna be with you for as long as i’m able, because it doesn’t feel like my love for you is ever gonna go away.”

and he breathes out the final declaration with a confidence that leaves you stunned because holy shit you’re actually starting to believe him. you can’t tell whether the wetness on your face is from the pouring rain or your own tears. maybe it’s both. but all you know is that, now, he’s holding your heart in his hands. and the scariest part is that he’s holding it with as much care as he’d treat his own heart. no, as much care as you want to treat his. and then, he starts to ramble, which you’re sure you’ve never seen him do (in fact, you’re pretty sure this is the most you’ve ever heard him speak).

you can’t stop yourself from looking at his lips, and the space between you grows smaller and smaller until it ceases to exist.

“i mean, it’s like you’re branded on my heart. you have this insane amount of control over me and i’m constantly wanting to be around you and hold you and make you happy because you feel like home to me but in the best way possible and i just want to be that for you too, and if you don’t feel the same way, that’s completely cool, and we could just forget this conversation ever happened, because you’re also my best friend and i don’t wanna lose you, and i–”

your lips taste sweet against his, and your hands cup his cheeks with a delicateness that makes him feel like crying, and he feels happier than he thinks he’s ever felt because he knows what this kiss means.

you take a moment to break apart, the tip of your nose brushing against his as he chases after your lips, and you desperately proclaim, “i’d never get bored of you either. i love you. i love you. you’re all i want.”

the bus you were waiting on passes you both by, and he meets your lips again, sighing into the kiss with relief. and you both make a silent promise, right then and there, to never let each other go again.

#eren x reader #eren jeager x y/n #eren x you #fwb to lovers #college!eren #angry rain confession #love confessions #this was made w eren in mind but you could imagine it w whoever honestly #iwaizumi? erwin? suna? aki? choso? sakusa? the world is your oyster !! :D #this is my first fic so y/n is kinda based on me 👀#but i might make a series out of it on ao3 (bars)…#is delicateness a word???? i honestly have no idea #it's as real of a word as substanceless i'll tell you that much #the ending is very dookie and there’s a lot of run-ons but we move !!!#constructive criticism is very much encouraged like please tell me if it's trash !!!

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seullovesme · 11 months ago

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for her happiness

pairing ⥬ f!idol x heiress!reader

genre ⥬ angst

summary ⥬ it was always her happiness over yours.

she latched onto your arm, finally having you all to herself.

weeks of getting rid of that girl you claimed to love so much, and it was worth every second if it meant she could call you hers. it took a long time of convincing, but you agreed to her proposal.

you always said you were cursed as a child. you were born into a rich family, but at what cost? was the money better than freedom? absolutely not, yet you had no choice but to obey the commands of your father.

"you'll be married to her. don't worry, you can learn to love if that silly thing really means that much to you. this marriage is essential for our company to climb to the top. with the help of her company, we will be #1 in the entire nation."

now look where you are. you tried to escape, you called the arranged engagement off but she still hunted after you like a predator with its prey. she did everything to stop you from being with the one you truly loved, and her work paid off. you let her go months ago, knowing she would only be hurt if you tried to hold onto what was left after your ex fiancé's wrath.

you stared at the woman who clung to your elbow like she owned you, like she won something. when you saw her, all you saw was the lady who stole your happiness and stepped all over it like it had no meaning.

"are you happy now?" you muttered.

"yes, i am." she responded and it almost made you scoff out loud. "i can finally love you like i dreamed."

that made you scoff, her words just so ridiculous. was she crazy? "you think because you got rid of your competition that i will suddenly love you?"

"wait... let me rephrase that. there was no competition, she was always the winner to me. the one i would have picked. so let me remind you, even if you scared her off by claiming i was yours and that she had no chance just to have me, i will never love you the way i loved her."

she tightened her grip on your suit sleeve, clearly affected by your words. her breathing quickened as she grew more and more angry. she avoided your sharp glare, knowing she would cower away at the intensity.

"i let her go because i loved her. i did it for her, so do not misunderstand. it was not to be with you." you stated firmly and took her hands off of your arm, walking out of the building. you took a deep breath of the fresh air after feeling so suffocated and uncomfortable. you miss her deeply, but you knew you were doing the right thing. she deserved her happiness, even if it meant you weren't the source of it.

but maybe the world was on your side for once as once you stopped thinking, you recognized those sweet eyes that watched you from afar. she smiled, you smiled, and for a moment, you felt okay.

but a man stole her attention and her smile only grew wider. it felt like your world stopped as he put his hand around her waist, her eyes filled with loved, and yours with tears. your chest felt tight, but you chanted that sentence over and over again in your head.

'she deserved her happiness, even if it meant you weren't the source of it.'

i got inspired by marry my husband, its a good drama 10/10 would recommend btw (go coping over the fact that the new episodes drop tmrw and im too busy to watch)

#seullovesme » posted!#kpop gg #kpop #gxg #female reader #female idol x reader #kpop idol x reader #kpop girls #aespa x reader #ive x reader #lesserafim x reader #le sserafim x reader #red velvet x reader #female x reader #itzy x reader #blackpink x reader #idol x reader #kpop angst #angst

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persona-brainrot-real · 5 months ago

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a very long about haru because i love her and im upset about how the game let her story get overshadowed at every turn

its nearly 3am rn but i'm thinking about how genuinely insane it is for persona 5 to introduce Haru as a character who is struggling to find any of her autonomy and treat her the way that they do. her father is marrying her off to a man who makes it explicitly clear he wants to use her for sex and even Okumura, in his palace, is shown to understand this.

[ID: three screenshots of Persona five royal. In the first, Haru in her Phantom Thief outfit says "Father! You want me to be that mans plaything to satisfy your own ambitions?" the second is of Shadow Okumura, looking angry, saying "This is the only value you've had from the very beginning. The third image is before the boss fight against the cognition of Haru's fiance. He is saying "let's have fun! I'll play with you until I get bored!"]

even outside of the palace, in their daily life he makes it extremely clear that he has no intent on trusting Haru with company business (likely because he expects the company to be handed off to her husband after he dies) and he doesn't acknowledge her feelings or anything she says to defend her own autonomy (i know this is me reciting everything in the game i do have a point)

[ID: three screenshots of Persona five royal. In the first, Haru is upset as she says "So I'm not even allowed to decide where I will live, am I?". In the second, Okumura is saying "not only do you come home late, you've even stayed out overnight without permission..." looking disapproving. In the third image, Okumura is saying "I have my hands full right now with the company. Don't cause any more trouble for me." He is holding his phone.]

even when she first joins your team, she tries to insist on being useful and fighting, considering this is her request and her fathers palace, and morgana tells her she cant. i know its 'for her own sake' that she cant fight, but considering that Morgana was there when she first awakened and planned on using her to get through a palace alone, its really frustrating to then see him say shes not strong enough to fight in a team.

[ID: two screenshots of persona five royal. Both are taken in Okumura's palace. In the first, Haru is saying "I can fight too! Please, let me join you in battle!". In the second, Morgana is saying "Your persona is too weak to fight safely at the moment. Just leave that side of things to us for now."]

and this comes in AFTER morgana, while using her, gets her to insult his friends on his behalf because hes annoyed with them, even though she's visibly uncomfortable doing so, contradicts what morgana wants her to say, and is shown later to have no real malicious feelings for them - and all of the bitter feelings she DID have were because morgana told her that the PT's were mean and didn't treat him right or didn't need him, which wasn't true to begin with, and is why she has to ask him for direction on what to say,

[ID: Haru looks upset. She stands opposite the Phantom Thieves and looks at Morgana. She is asking him "What was it again?"]

and you bring all of this into a brilliant character of a girl who is so self-assured, so firm on what she wants and her own autonomy - i want to be a Phantom Thief, i want to be a hero, i want to have my autonomy but more importantly i want to earn it, i want to change my fathers heart myself so that he becomes a better person and a better business owner, i want to prove to him that i can be trusted with the company and that i have more worth than being married off - but never really gets to express that? Even when it comes to the fight with Okumura and her chance to have her moment - the moment where Yusuke tells Madarame he's a coward who lost sight of his passion, where Ann gets to tell Kamoshida that he's only alive because she wants him to live through all he's done (both in the palace and the real world), where Futaba gets to talk to her mom directly in a scene that always makes me tear up - Haru's moment to stand up to her father is overshadowed by her father speaking to Morgana instead!!!!!

i know that this could also be a huge meta moment - he sees his daughter standing up to him, defending herself, and dismisses her entirely to try and appeal to the next rational subject, a man, but . the man is a cat. it doesnt work as well if he turns to a cat to be like "well certainly you'll be more reasonable" and turns the focus to Morgana - who has already taken up a lot of time that Haru deserved to have recognised!!!!

i have issues with morgana, yes, and I believe a lot of that arc could have been really useful character building for him if it had been handled slightly better, given more weight and better pacing, but it really wouldn't have been such a big problem for me if it hadn't been pushed so heavily during Haru's character moments, because she is SUCH a good character!!!!

in her first appearance she makes for a really good subversion of what the PT's think that they are. her insistence on working for justice helps them work through their temporary doubt for what their purpose is and by having such a difficult situation happening in her life, she unites them all on something that they have to do. At least until they go to Okumura's palace for the first proper investigation, the intent to rescue Haru from her fiance is more important than the Phan-site and more important than any of Okumura's business practices.

she prioritises everyone elses happiness over her own to the point where she watches her father die on live television and tells the PT's to continue having fun at destinyland without her without considering that they'd want to be there for her. She has always suspected that people only wanted to be her friend for her money - and this seems to have affected her so much that despite being 'secretive about her history' at Shujin, she still doesn't mention at any point whether or not she has friends and is only seen speaking with teachers.

after her fathers death she has no real reason to trust any of the PT's - they were navigating with an unknown method, with no proof to show that what they were doing wouldn't cause a mental shutdown, they barely know each other, and yet she trusts them in spite of this and places her faith in the PT's regardless. even when faced with the person who DID kill her father, she understands that his death was a larger piece in a bigger plan and that it wasn't akechi's fault, it was the fault of Shido for ordering him dead, and in Shido's palace she's able to get the catharsis of killing the cognition of the person who aired her fathers death publicly on TV.

And what I think is a more frustrating part than any of that - where all of the Phantom Thieves, after their palace, get following story beats that increase their importance to make sure that you, as the player, can get attached to them, but the more PT's that join the team, the harder it is to juggle all of those characters and a lot of them have very vocal and prominent personalities that keep them involved. Yusuke's general quirks and behaviour keep him interesting, Makoto has an entire arc that's established ages before she's involved in Kaneshiro's palace, Futaba becoming navigator keeps her relevant, but where Haru's arc is taken over by Morgana in the palace where she's introduced, all subsequent story beats are entirely overtaken by Akechi.

Don't get me wrong, I love Akechi and he is in my brain 24/7, but it is extremely unfortunate that her fathers death immediately kickstarts the section of plot where the PT's realise that they're being tricked, meaning the plot suddenly ramps up, and during the school fair (something Haru is explicitly very excited about), Akechi's growing popularity and prominence in the story takes centre stage, especially as a day later he blackmails the PTs and joins their party.

Again, not complaining about Akechi, its just unfortunate that Haru's main story is clouded over by Morgana having a character arc and then the fan favourite comes in and immediately becomes the most prominent character for almost the entire rest of the game. It's sad because I love Haru but it wasn't until I romanced her that I realised how much I love her and how much there is too her - which ESPECIALLY sucks because it makes the section where you're reassuring her in the velvet room fall so flat compared to how you reassure everyone else.

ALL to say that i think it's wild to have a character whose entire arc routinely revolves around proving herself and reclaiming her autonomy from the men in her life, like her father and her fiance, and having her character arc so heavily influenced and even overshadowed by morgana, a male character. thank you guys for listening and if you disagree with me consider writing what your opinions are on your own post and not on mine :3

Anyway. huge rant post over. Haru is my wife and my girlfriend and my silly rabbit and i think she should be hyped up way more. ESPECIALLY for her showtime attack with makoto because that's fucking adorable. everyone must post one thousand haru okumura positivity posts right now

[ID: a gif of Haru Okumura, in her Phantom Thief outfit, holding her hat with one hand and pointing with the other. She says "I am no longer your subservient puppet!" while looking determined.]

#haru okumura #persona brainrot real #persona analysis #p5r #p5r spoilers #persona 5 spoilers #persona 5 #persona 5 royal

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