#and I am angry that they will never get a second chance because the world is cruel but beautiful | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

juletheghoul · 3 months ago

Text

Let Me Follow (Part 7)

AN: Ooop. I haven't updated this in a year and I feel terrible, I am trying to go through all of the unfinished fics I have, and update one every week. (dream big Jules) Hopefully get through all of the things I have in my head. Hopefully it's been worth the wait! I've done my best to edit this myself, but it hasn't been beta'd. Enjoy! xo 🩷

Joel Miller x F!Reader

Pairing: Joel x F!Reader

Word Count: 4.8K

Warnings: (18+ NO MINORS) ANGST, language, age-gap (about 10-11 years, legal, reader is of age), Yearning, post-apocalyptic world, Joels injury / ptsd / nightmare

Let me know if I missed anything!

reblogs are appreciated

Masterlist Series Masterlist

He’s gone when you wake up. Both of them are, they’re gone most of the day but it makes sense. You chalk it up to Joel catching up with his brother and Ellie taking advantage of the safety of this place. You, in turn, find yourself almost haunting the house Maria and Tommy had put you up in. The time spent in the trailer, although quiet for the most part, was also wrapped up in the web of anxiety. Every second spent there was corrupted with fear of someone finding it, always the danger of infected wandering into the woods and surprising you when you’d go scavenging, and in comparison to that, this felt peaceful.

This house gave you a chance to rest, to nap and enjoy the safety of the walls surrounding you, surrounding the town itself. Even when you got hungry, it was only a matter of making your way down the street to the cafeteria. People looked at you with curiosity, but didn’t pry, which only inspired intense gratitude.

The whole day was a much needed respite from the worry and anxiety, until Ellie stormed into the house to find you reading an old novel on the sofa late in the evening. Anger burning on her face and it seemed strange to be so angry in a place like this.

“What happened?” The adrenaline shoots up, the familiarity of it is so depressing, it seems your body is always ready to feel this way.

“He’s leaving me.” She runs up the stairs and you find yourself running up after her, the door to the bedroom she’d claimed all but shut in your face before you could follow her inside.

“Ellie? Can I come in?” You knock, hoping she’ll elaborate, “Ellie?”

“Whatever.” She calls out and you follow her inside, finding her sitting on a dusty bay window.

“What happened?” Your heart races but you do your best to control your breathing.

“He’s leaving me,” she sighs, picking up what looks to be someone's journal, “I heard him tell Tommy, that he has to leave me.” You frown at her. Joel hadn’t exactly been the cuddly type but he did care about Ellie, that had been obvious to you. “Maria told me something about him, something that makes sense-”

“I wouldn’t listen to what Maria has to say about Joel, it seems to me she’s been listening to Tommy say some not-so-nice things about his brother.” Annoyance burns brightly in your gut that she’d dare poison Ellie against the man that had been keeping her safe.

“No–I didn’t let her talk shit, I told her where to fucking go about that but–” A soft tap on the door pulls you out of the argument, Joel’s voice coming through before he opens the door.

The familiar ‘Joel-frown’ is back in place as his gaze shifts from Ellie, to you, and back to her again.

“Listen-” He starts, but she doesn’t let him get very far.

“Why are you here?” The anger still burns on her face, but you know what’s really there. Sadness, fear, disappointment, you know because you’ve felt it all before.

“I came here to talk to you, both of you.”

“No, why are you still here? If you’re gonna ditch us then ditch us.” her eyes cast down as she speaks, looking without really seeing the journal in her hands. You see him let out a heavy sigh, resignation taking over.

“What exactly did you hear?”

“‘I have to leave her, you have to take her’,” your eyebrows must have raised up into your hairline, Joel leaving Ellie had never crossed your mind, “You know I stuck up for you today because I thought-” She bit her lip, cutting off her own words.

“I made this decision for your own good. You’ll be way better off with Tommy, he knows the area better than I do-” He was floundering and it was as though you were listening to a stranger, his whole demeanour completely different from last night.

“Do you give a shit about me or not?” Her voice rose, and your heart broke for her.

“Of course I do.”

“Then what are you so afraid of? I’m not her, you know? Maria told me about Sarah-”

“Don’t.” The change in him was chilling, “Don’t say another word.” Seeing his eyes shift, the whole of him as cold as ice.

“I’m sorry about your daughter, Joel, but I have lost people too.” And there it was.

He’d had a daughter, and he’d lost her. This was it, the missing piece. It made so much sense, the cloud that followed him around, the loss that poisoned him to the world. It wasn’t just the terrible, awful, practically unbearable state of the world, it was his loss.

“You have no idea what loss is.” His eyes hardened even more, and you understood why he would be upset. The loss of a child would definitely make anyone lose their minds, but Ellie wasn’t wrong. Everyone in this world knows what loss is.

“Everybody I have cared for has either died or left me. Everybody, fucking except for you!” She pushes him, her anger and hurt getting the best of her and you can’t help but move from your place on the couch to comfort her. “So don't tell me that I'd be safer with somebody else because the truth is I would just be more scared.” Your hand goes to her shoulder, letting her know you’re there for her.

“You’re right. You aren’t my daughter, and I sure as hell ain’t your dad. Now come dawn, you and I go our separate ways-” Your hand flashes up without your permission, and cracks him clean across the face. It was too much for you to bear.

“Enough! I am so sick and tired of this, and I am through with letting you act this way. You can’t keep living your life like this, Joel. Head down, barreling through like a juggernaut, cutting through everyone and everything, completely closed off to the world.” The hurt was sharp in your voice- “I can’t even begin to imagine how much losing your daughter must have hurt you, I wish it had never happened. I cannot take it away from you, neither of us can but we don’t deserve for you to treat us this way. Losing her doesn’t mean you can throw Ellie away.” His eyes flashed with something, a hurt so deep it was part of him, “Tomorrow, we’re going–whether it’s with you, or Tommy is up to you.” You turned from him then, gathering Ellie into your arms. You heard the door click, and then you and Ellie were alone.

You spent the night with Ellie.

A soft knock sounded as you gathered the few things you had to take with you, both of you. Ellie opened the door to a very resigned Tommy standing at the door.

“Y’all ready?” He spoke to both of you, the look on your face leaving no doubt as to whether Ellie would go alone or not.

“Yes, we’re good to go,” you reply and he nods once before leading the way out, “Come on Ellie.” You don’t look at the room across the hall, even as the outline of the door burns bright in your peripheral. That it was closed and he was probably asleep inside only filled your stomach with rocks, so you keep your eyes forward and ignore the feeling.

The morning is crisp enough to see your breath and it wreaths around your head like a halo as you all make your way towards the barn. Your anger with Joel is a simmering pot on the back burner, and that’s where it has to stay, there’s too much to focus on with Ellie to give it any attention. Tommy leads the way, bundled up with a rifle on his back and the anger you’re trying to tamp down finds its bullseye.

“How much shit did you talk about Joel, Tommy? Be honest.” He turns, his brow furrowed, “Must have been a lot, with the way Maria was eyeing him.”

“Yeah, not to mention giving me some bullshit warning about him not being who I thought he was.” Ellie chimes in, he lets out a deep sigh.

“You don’t understand, we did terrible things-“

“Yes, both of you, and you got to explain yourself. You’re letting your grievances with your brother colour the way people in this town view him. If he stays here, you’ve just made his life harder when you both did the same shit.” You round the corner, ducking into the barn to find the man you’re discussing, loading the horse's saddle with what looked to be supplies. You’re angry at him, at the cruel words he threw at Ellie, at the thought that after all of your confessions he might have let you go. It’s hard not to feel relief that he’s here though, ready to follow her, ready to follow you.

“You came here to say goodbye or something?” Ellie’s voice is neutral, but the hurt simmers under the surface.

“No, I came here to steal one of these horses.” He kicks at the ground, nervous.

“I woulda gave you one.” Tommy sighs, his frown still in place but now directed at Joel.

“I know. Anyway, that was thirty minutes ago, and I guess you deserve a choice. I still think you’d be better off with Tommy-“

“Let’s go.” She tosses her bag at him. Your lip curls without your permission, but you keep it to yourself.

“Okay.” He grunts out the word, but you can see he’s just as affected as you are. He turns, and speaks to Tommy while you and Ellie lead the horses out, letting them have a moment.

“You okay?” Ellie’s eyes find yours at the sound of your words, and for a moment you see her age and it breaks your heart. Her eyes are wide, dark shadows underneath them, all of the stress and the weight of her lot in this life painted across her face, and still she smiles.

“Fuck yeah, all good.”

God, she’s just a kid.

“Let’s get going.” Joel comes out, Tommy’s rifle on his back and his eyes are wild, darting between you and Ellie. His words still ring out in your ears, but so does the knowledge of his loss. It’s the Rosetta Stone, the why of all of his anger and hurt and reluctance to open up to anyone and anything coming into focus.

There are two horses, and Ellie claims one right away, leaving you to share with Joel. He climbs up and swings his leg around, then holds out his hand to help you climb on, and wordlessly you take it. The horse is calm underneath you, for which you are grateful, even when you climb up, much less graceful than Joel and sit tucked into his back.

The anger in you still burns bright. Too bright to say anything to him just yet, so you let it wash over you. Ignore the happy chant to have him there, to have his familiar, safe shape solid in front of you, and focus on not spooking the animal beneath you.

Hours pass with small talk between Ellie and Joel, and silence from you. He doesn’t press, but his voice sounds lighter than it ever has with her. You let them have this conversation and bonding and you keep your mouth shut. He tests the waters though, your arms wrap around his waist, and every so often you feel him squeeze your hand or your knee. A silent olive branch, a request for connection and as much as you try to hold out and ignore him, punish him for his cruelty, you cannot help but give in. You press your lips to the little bit of skin exposed at the back of his neck. You can feel the way he melts, and part of you feels guilty for denying him for so long, but then his words come back and so does the anger.

Ellie has gone ahead, just a little bit, close enough that he can keep an eye on her, but far enough away that he tries his luck with words.

“It was bad wasn’t it?” He speaks over his shoulder, his words heavy with resignation.

“Real bad.”

He sighs, but says nothing else. You don’t expect an apology, and you don’t get one. It’s there though, the remorse, in his voice, threaded through the soft words and explanations he gives Ellie as the day goes by. He speaks to her of his life before, and it’s a marvel to hear him speak so much, he used to be a contractor. The shape of the word in your mouth feels familiar, one of those words adults used to say but there’s no reference for it in your memory. She is happy, that is all that matters.

When you stop to camp, it’s in a densely populated forest, eerily quiet but good enough. The land is far enough away from any QZ to be free of infected, but they aren’t the biggest worry. He sets up camp, a couple of sleeping bags all piled together.

“Sleep, both of you, I’ll take first watch.” It doesn’t take much convincing on your part, and for once, Ellie doesn’t grumble, she yawns hard enough to tremble and gets into the sleeping bag without comment. You want to give him something, a promise that you’ll discuss what you both know you need to discuss but he shakes his head when your eyes meet. “Sleep, Sunny, you need your rest.”

You nod, and sleep claims you, quick as falling.

You wake with a gasp.

“You’re okay.” He’s sitting on a fallen log, watching the surrounding darkness. Full consciousness creeps in, and awareness calms the anxiety of whatever nightmare that had spilled over. Even the horses are calm, no immediate danger threatening, but there’s no way you’re going back to sleep.

“I’m up now. Here, give me the gun, you should get some shut-eye.” You stretch for a moment, before getting up. At this point, he knows you better than to argue, and so as much as he wants to keep watch, he gets up with a groan, and climbs into the sleeping bag still permeated with your body heat. The brief spark of warmth and comfort that was born of your new found intimacy with him, although still there, is obscured by the things you know you need to discuss, but it won’t be tonight. He knows it too, and so you keep watch, and when the morning comes, you all set out again.

Days pass, and you travel in peace. The days are cold but clear, and he surprises you even more. He teaches Ellie to shoot, instructs her on how to load and reload the rifle, how to aim and even lets her keep a pistol and you can see the father so clearly in him. He notices your quiet withdrawal, and he lets you have your silence, but it doesn’t last.

Three nights into your trek, he finally breaks the silence.

You feel him slip into the sleeping bag behind you, the night is colder than you expected and his warmth is welcome, even if your heart is still hurt. You’d found a small copse of trees, hidden enough that you could all sleep relatively calmly.

“Sunny.” It’s just above a whisper, “How long you gonna punish me?” His breath tickles the little hairs at the back of your neck, raising goosebumps in its wake. You sigh.

“I’m not punishing you Joel.” His hand slips around your waist.

“You’re angry at me, I can feel it.” He presses his lips to the skin just below your ear, soft and sweet and your eyes close at the feel of it, you turn towards him.

“I’m hurt,” he pulls you close enough to tangle his legs with yours, “Not just for what you said to Ellie, but for what happened to you.” You felt the clench in his jaw, felt how his body tensed. “I’m not trying to pry into your past Joel, I don’t want to open old wounds and make you relive anything, but I’ve been with the two of you long enough to see the bond. That girl-” you gestured to Ellie’s sleeping form near the horses, “-sees you as a father. You’re all she has, and you were ready to drop her.”

“I know.” He pressed his forehead to yours, the tension going out of him like a balloon deflating. “It’s why I didn’t think I could do this, I am scared that I won’t be able to protect her, if she got hurt on my watch I couldn’t forgive myself.” All of a sudden you felt stupid, his anger and lashing out at her was a way to protect her, it didn’t excuse it, but it definitely explained it. “I don’t think she heard my whole conversation with Tommy, I was tellin’ him how scared I am.”

“She needs you around, she needs to know you aren’t going to abandon her.” You can’t help but bring your hands to his face, comfort him. “We need you, I need you, I don’t want you to leave me behind either.” The little part of yourself that you’d been stomping down reared its head. “I’m sorry I slapped you, I shouldn’t have done that.” He shakes his head, dismissing your apology.

“I won’t leave you behind. I meant it when I said I needed you to be patient with me.” He presses his lips to your hand, then to your lips, an apology and a promise and you clutch to it, despite the fear that permeates every aspect of the world. You don’t say anything more, trusting that when he's ready, he’ll tell you about his loss.

The university is a massive, rundown building, eerily quiet, without many signs of life.

“No fireflies.” Ellie points out when you stop just in front of an overturned car.

“Probably in the middle, safer.” Joel leads the way, and the three of you continue throughout the grounds. He answers Ellie’s questions about University life, about anything and everything she can think of while you focus on your surroundings. The quiet irks you.

Monkeys roam the campus the closer you get to the building, and she’s excited to see them, you’re a little more wary but they scatter at the sound of you approaching.

“Lookit.” He points to a sign, a bright firefly symbol spray-painted onto it.

“Here we go.” She sounds a lot braver than she looks, her expression matches yours. This whole place was creepy, and your stomach roiled the closer you got to the entrance of the building. The sound of the horses' hooves clicking onto the pavement echo around you as you approach, guard houses sit unmanned just outside the door, and your stomach drops further.

“Guard houses.” Joel voices your thoughts.

“No guards.” You reply, and the mood sours further. “Let’s tie the horses, and continue on foot.” You gesture to a tree and they both nod in agreement. With them taken care of, you make your way inside.

“Gun?” Ellie looks to Joel, and he nods, she takes out the pistol he’d trusted her with, his rifle at the ready and you follow close behind him, no weapon, but eyes sharp.

The inside is abandoned, but there is a mess of tables, discarded equipment and supplies left behind.

“There were definitely doctors here.” She rifles through a stack of old gauze, gloves and other things littering the tables, pulling a list from under an empty box.

“This is a packing list,” Joel takes the list from her, “Something you make before moving.” There’s a distinct lack of dust and dirt blown in on the mess left behind you cannot help but focus on.

“Looks like they just left-” Something crashes above, movement in one of the higher floors interrupting your sentence, “maybe not all of them.” You move as one, slowly and quietly following the source of the noise, your heart races, scared of who or what you might find here. Joel leads the way, his rifle at the ready, Ellie brings up the rear, gun in her hands and pointed down like he’d taught her. The place looks more like an abandoned hospital than a school. There are carts knocked over, hospital beds and IV bags still hooked up to the poles littering the hallways.

He counts down silently, hand just hovering over the door containing the source, and then opens it. A monkey shrieks, and seeing you jumps out the open window. You let out a heavy breath.

“Well, at least it ain’t clickers.” Joel’s tone is as relieved as you feel.

“Yeah, no fireflies either. Maybe in all that research they turned into fucking monkeys!” He frowns at her, there’s a disappointment heavy in the air. So much travelling, just to come up empty. There’s a giant map in the middle of the room though. You make your way over to it, there are different colour pins all leading up to one place, Salt Lake City, Utah.

“That’s where they went?” She’s staring at the map beside you.

“All the pins lead there.” You press your finger to the spot on the map, Joel is beside you, all three of you studying it.

“Maybe they were getting ahead of the weather? Better facilities? I don’t know.” He frowns, letting out a breath but you hear it, people talking outside the window. You shush them, gesturing to the window but they hear it now too. Your heart jackhammers in your chest, any and all peace you’d found from finding this place empty is gone.

Quietly you all move closer and peek out the window, and see four men walking past, they hold crowbars, and baseball bats and it’s obvious they’re raiders.

“Out the back.” Joel whispers, and then the three of you take off. Within a few tense minutes, you’re all back outside, ducking behind piled up sandbags to make sure you don’t encounter anyone. With the coast clear, you all run towards the horses. Ellie climbs up onto hers, and you climb onto the one you share with Joel while he unties them.

“Joel!” Ellie screams, one man has followed, baseball bat high in the air but Joel turns in time and ducks out of the way, the bat swings hard, hitting the tree and shatters. Ellie holds up her arm, aiming the gun but they move too erratically.

“Wait Ellie! You might shoot Joel–” She puts it down, he doesn’t need help, they grapple and slam against the tree but then Joel has wrapped his arm around the man's neck, and with a sickening crunch, he falls. When Joel turns, your stomach drops.

He looks down, and the butt of the broken bat is sticking out of his lower abdomen. He takes a deep breath, and pulls it out and a wave of nausea hits you to see at least three inches of wood come out, his blood pulsing between his fingers.

“Joel–get on the horse!” You scream out to him, seeing the others spotting you and running full speed. He struggles, but climbs up with a pained yell, swinging his leg over and managing to get in front of you.

“Get back!” Ellie follows behind, shooting at them when they get too close, with the frosty wind whipping at your face you get away. The horses gallop across the grounds and away, your grip on Joel is iron.

You know that going so fast is only hurting him but you have to get far enough away that they won’t follow.

“They don’t seem to be following us, I think we’re safe.” Ellie calls out behind you and you’re glad she’s keeping an eye on your back, because you cannot focus on anything other than Joel’s weakening grip on the reins.

“Joely, baby you have to hold on, please–” He teeters, swaying like a boat in choppy waters and you feel the way he cannot hold himself up anymore. “Joel-Joel!” He topples off the horse and into a pile of snow despite your best efforts, he's so pale you can barely contain the tears that flow freely down your face. “Joel, please, please wake up, we need you to wake up.” You slap at his face, but he doesn’t stir. Ellie is off her horse and kneeling beside you, trying to aid in waking him but she’s as unsuccessful as you are. She presses his hands as well as hers to where the blood pulses out of him slowly.

“Joel, open your eyes.” You stare at him while she speaks, pressing your hand to his face, “I can’t fucking do this without you, I don’t know where the fuck I’m going, or what the fuck I’m going to do, we need you Joel please, get up.” Tears stream down her face and it hits you then. You’ve cursed him, this is what comes from loving another person.

There’s no time, you have to move him.

“Let’s get him somewhere safe, Ellie, one of those houses.” You gesture to a residential area not far from where he fell. There’s no way you can carry him, instead you look for something to put him on that you can drag like a sled. You send Ellie to look, warning her to be careful and to keep her gun out and she comes back with a wide mat, almost like a big dog bed and it’s perfect. You shuffle him onto it, and tie the mat to the back of one of the horses, pulling him towards one of the houses.

It takes so long to get him into the basement. By the time you’ve piled a stained mattress and musty blankets and laid him on it, your skin is slick with frozen sweat, your breath comes out in pants, exhausted with the effort. There had been an old towel in one of the bathrooms of the house, Ellie had grabbed it while you wrestled him to where he lay. Once settled, you ripped it up, and moved his shirt to press it to the wound, barely looking at it. You had to stop the bleeding, if he kept bleeding he’d die.

“What are we going to do?” She watches, terrified.

“I don’t know.” You want to comfort her, but you cannot stop swallowing the lump in your throat. You both stay quiet for a while after that, focused on his breathing.

It’s because I love him

The thought squeezes your heart like a vice, the curse of you fills your head, overtaking every thought. This is what happens when you love another person, the black hole has taken him just like it took your parents, just like it took Johnny and there is nothing to be gained but misery and heartache. The black pit of your love is full of emptiness and all you’d done was sentence him to death. You should have just let them leave, given them your supplies and stayed in your trailer.

Tears stream steadily down your face, hoping against hope that he’ll wake up, that the wound will close, that nothing inside had been too badly damaged. You hoped you’d wake up back in that bed in Jackson, that this was all just some horrible nightmare and that he’d be there, rubbing your back. You didn’t wake up though, and he lay there motionless while you cried, breathing shallow enough to fill your stomach with nothing but dread and nausea and regret and every other horrible thing you’ve felt since this world went to shit.

You move the towel after a while, to see how bad the damage actually is and your body tenses, it’s angry and red and still blood pulses out, his skin shredded where the sharp wood had pierced him.

“We need to close it, we should see if we can find a needle and thread.” You speak to her, but she watches him, his eyes are open, and there is nothing but naked fear in them. He groans and grabs at your arm hard enough to bruise when you press the towel back to the wound.

“Go.” He grits it out, at both of you. She puts her hands on yours, helping to staunch the blood. “Go, leave, take the gun.” He repeats it.

“Shut up, shut the fuck up Joel!” She all but screams at him but he grabs her by the jacket, pulling her close.

“You go.” He doesn’t relent, “You go. You go north, go to tommy.” He shivers, speaking the words clearly and when he pushes her back, she stumbles, staring at him in disbelief. His eyes find yours, and he repeats himself. “Leave.” He does not expect to survive, and all at once you are angry with him, angry with yourself for ever having opened your heart, angry at the world for your lot in life. His eyes find yours then, tears slowly streaming from them, the same anger burning in your chest shining out through his eyes.

You wipe at your eyes, and rise. Leaving him there, as you make your way up the stairs, and out of the basement.

She catches up to you in the kitchen.

“Are we really leaving him?”

“No. I’m looking for something to stitch him up, but if you want to go find Tommy I won’t stop you, you can shoot, and he’s taught you how to keep watch and find safe places to sleep. You can take all of the supplies–” You open cupboards, pulling them off the hinges in your haste and spilling drawers in the pursuit of something, anything to help him.

“I’m not leaving either.” She moves, and helps you search.

—

Tag list: @frannyzooey @greeneyedblondie44 @lola4pedro @221bshrlocked @artsymaddie @supernaturalgirl20 @sleep-tight1 @sherala007 @cannedsoupsucks @thirstworldproblemss @ilikechocolatemilkh @freeshavocadoooo @hrk-fic-recs @maxwell--lord @the-feckless-wonder @kirsteng42 @thisshipwillsail316 @feministfanboi @stevie75 @readsalot73 @pedrostories @tobealostwanderer @mandocrasis @elegantduckturtle @diogodxlot @alczysz17 @evyiione @absurdthirst @beskarboobs @andruxx @littlemissoblivious @1800-fight-me @maievdenoir @gracie7209 @omlwhatamidoinghere @magikfanatic @frankiecatfish @pedritoispunk @studythoreauly @missswriter @pintsizemama @mswarriorbabe80 @a-trial-run-on-paper @la-le-lu @chickadee-djarin @dobbyjen @rosiefridayrogersunday @ajeff855 @johnsrevelation @the-witty-pen-name @zombiesnips-blog @sarahjkl82-blog @fan-of-encouragement @queenofthecloudss @deadhumourist @felicisimor @toomanystoriessolittletime @what-iwish-you-knew @pedrostories @athalien @bi-thewayy @literallydontlook @pedrosbrat @gamingaquarius @localddreamers @luxmundee @iamafadedmoon @nakhudanyx @littlemisspascal @grogusmum @recklessworry @heyitmelexie @killyspinacoladas @gothicxbarbie @evildxad @dragonslarimar @spideysimpossiblegirl @chemtrail-mix @breezythesimp @altarsw @artooies-scream @staygolddindjarin @softsweetedbeauty @littlemisspascal @yuiopiklmn @squidwell @just-blogging-around @bbyanarchist @girlofchaos @maddiedrmr @frasmotic @acourtofsnakes @buckybarneshairpullingkink @astoryisaloveaffair @harriedandharassed @shirks-all-responsibilities @androah @alwaysachorusgirl @dindjarinsmut @captain-jebi @gallowsjoker @tusk89 @dadbodfanatic-x @naiomiwinchester @blazedprince @avidreader73 @mr-underhills-things @avengersfan25 @tastygoldentaters @nyotamalfoy @mymindfuckery @its-nebuleuse @missladym1981 @inept-the-magnificent @yesjazzywazzylove-blog @ladyofmidlo72 @greenvita @honey-on-your-tongue

#pedro pascal #pedro pascal fanfiction #joel miller #joel miller x reader #joel miller fic #the last of us #joelyyyy #tlou #the last of us fanfiction #joel tlou #joel the last of us #joel x reader #joel x you #joel x y/n

129 notes · View notes

angelicbeaut · 1 year ago

Text

In order to change them, you must change YOU.

(Long post)

I have manifested many people back into my life: SPs , old friends, family member, people I wanted to be friends with but didn’t have the courage to ask to be friends. Literally anyone. But before I could invite them into my life, I had to go within.

When you’re manifesting someone, you must not only drop your old story but theirs as well. This was hard for me to understand at first because I had very strong negative emotions towards some people for what they did, and I chained them to those cinder blocks of mistakes and viewed them in that light forever.

I am one to hold a grudge, and sometimes they do some bs that makes them deserve it! You’re valid!

However, if you want a person back in your life under better circumstance you must remember several important things:

everything happens through you:

I am not blaming you for their behavior but what you must realize is that they have no choice but to continue to be the way that you ultimately view them. If you think your SP doesn’t want you, they will continue to not want you, because you are consumed in that thought and they only reflect you, you are god and they are your creation.

Process how they made you feel:

You’re never just going to let something go, sometimes people will hurt you, but in order to change the story surrounding them and how you view them you must process your feelings towards them. Write it down, talk to a close friend, whatever works for you.

You may come out of this not wanting them in your life and that is perfectly okay, you may decide you no longer want them and you want someone better and that’s okay! Manifest it baby!

Allow them to evolve and/or Allow yourself to have the version of them you want

If you want to access this new and improved version of them you must allow it to come in or it simply will not.

What I like to do is take myself out of the position of being the person who experienced them, and look at the raw emotions of it all, as God. I am not a religious person, however looking back on when I grew up Christian it definitely offered some interesting points that I believe helped in my journey.

If you are god and all your creation is made in your image, take a second to consider it you have ever done anything that may have caused hurt. Have you ever done anything that hurt someone? Have you ever related to feelings of jealousy or got really angry at someone? Most likely. Have you been forgiven and in turn changed to be better? There are many people who may still view you as the villain in their story but you have forgiven yourself and became anew, they could never put that on you now because of who you have evolved to become, right? Well, give this person a chance to evolve. You are the one writing the story, are you going to continue to make them the big bad wolf or are you going to let them be the knight in shining armor.

Now if this is about you not believing you deserve it, you need to start there. Why do you believe you are not worthy of your creation? Why do you believe you cannot have them or that they don’t want to be in your life? It may be that you don’t believe in love, or that you don’t believe you are worthy. Work on self concept and understand that you are everything and therefore everything is yours. From the trees to the moon, you are everything.

You can get a completely different version of them, you can completely revise an argument away, you could literally make them disappear. You can do anything! It’s your world.

Most importantly: LEAVE THE 3D ALONE

Sweetheart, if you are still maintaining the state that they hate you after saying affirmations for a day then immediately trying to text them, STOP. Start within, and the 3D has no choice but to follow. If you want to make up with them, go within, set the scene of making up with them in your head, say your affirmations, or whatever will give you the feeling that you seek. Once you reach that fulfillment within yourself, they have no choice but to reflect. Let them be who you want them to be, stop holding the old story over both of you, release it, and write a new story. Have faith in your story and have faith in you, and you will receive exactly what you want. Don’t worry about time, worry about you, time isn’t god, you are love.

P.S - don’t let anyone tell you that you shouldn’t manifest a better version of your ex or a person. You are god, why would you let anyone tell YOU what to do? Be fr.

Luv, che 🌺

#law of assumption #manifesting #neville goddard #self concept #manifestation #desired reality #manifest #shifting motivation #shifting realities #loa

776 notes · View notes

nellswitchly · 8 months ago

Text

The last thing Hangman ever wanted to do, was to hurt Rooster. But it was hard not to, when the bastard insisted on doing it to him at every chance he got.

"Why didn't you tell me about your father?"

Bradshaw stares at him emptily, but those deep brown eyes of his seem to soften in the slightest, when all of a sudden he's hit with understanding. Understanding about all the provocations, comments Seresin has been throwing at him: understanding of why the blonde was standing at his door right now, looking for answers that Rooster didn't know if he had. Especially today. It's the night before the mission and the memories of all their fights hang in the air.

"That's what this is about? That's why you caused a scene in front of the entire squad? Brought up my personal shit, all because you're angry?"

"Yeah, well, I'm an asshole. But at least I know it."

"Fuck you and that high horse of yours. Awareness makes it worse, you know."

"Left all my horses back in Texas, don't know about you..."

"Oh my fucking god. See?! You can't take anything seriously, even if your fucking life depended on it, how am I supposed to tell you anything?"

"Bullshit, Bradshaw!" Seresin snaps, and takes a few agressive steps forward as the door closes behind him. "Bullshit, because I told you everything. Everything! You know more about me than anyone in this world, and you threw it all away."

Five seconds of silence haunt the space between them.

"There was nothing to talk about."

Jake sighs and as he realizes he's helpless, turns away, ready to face the door, as well as the tough truth of it all: that Rooster holds zero interest in him. Rooster holds zero interest in trying for him. And Hangman had been trying for long enough. God knows even he had his limits. He goes to grab the knob.

"There was nothing to talk about, okay?!" A begging scream stops the blonde right at the door, as he freezes "What did you want me to say? That my father died on the job and left me all alone, because the woman I once knew as my mother was all but a shell since the accident? Oh yeah, she died too, since you're so curious. My mom is dead. Everyone I've ever... cared about, everyone I loved is dead, Jake. And i can't afford more losses. I can't afford..."

His pupils widen as he basically spits the words out, but stops himself all of a sudden, when he realizes that he might be going too far. Or just far enough: but that's the scary part. He stares Hangman straight into the eye, because he fears that upon looking away, he'll disappear.

But what he sees instead, is the slightest spark of understanding in those ocean blue eyes. And right then it's obvious: after all, they could always read eachother's minds. Hangman knows. But that's not enough for him. Not after all those unsaid, broken promises.

"Say it."

Hesitance hangs in the air. But it's now or never, and Bradley physically cannot accept the never.

"I can't afford to loose you, too."

A distant sigh of relief leaves Jake's lips. That's enough of a starting point. His muscles manage to relax a little, as he realizes that all he needs right now is the nonverbal permission to trap Bradshaw in his arms.

"You don't have to." And when those words leave Jake's mouth, he gets more than just a permission. Because Bradley gets rid of the inches between them on his own.

#sereshaw #hangster #top gun maverick #top gun fanfiction #i did it fuck it #this is shit but i needed to write them seriously

226 notes · View notes

interstellarlyinlove · 6 months ago

Text

Almost kiss (May 13th)

word count: 707

@wolfstarmicrofic

Sirius is so angry he’s going to explode. He wants to break something but he’s sitting on his bed and there’s nothing to break. “What do you mean?”

Sirius can tell that Remus is also angry. His skin is blotchy and he’s pacing around their dorm room. “I mean, there is so way in hell I’m going to risk any of you getting hurt.”

“But there is no risk!” Sirius wants to hold Remus by the shoulders and shake some sense into him. “Why won’t you let us help you?”

“Because you don’t know that there is no risk!” Remus screams. “Who decided that an animagus is werewolf bite immune, again?”

“Mcgonagall said–”

“Everything McGonagall said is theoretical. And I’m sure she'd agree with me if she knew why you were asking her in the first place. There is no real-life proof or evidence or–”

“Remus, listen to me,” Sirius says, trying to keep his voice level. He stands up and crowds Remus’ personal space because he wants Remus to listen to him. He puts his hand on Remus’ shoulder, and Remus holds his gaze. “Animals can’t be werewolves. It’s safe. Lycanthropy only affects humans and how lucky are we? That’s–”

“Don’t patronize me!”

“I’m not,” Sirius says. He tries again, “I’m sorry. Remus, we want to do this for you.”

Remus lets out a shaky breath. “Sirius, I truly appreciate it. I know I’m being harsh but this is the nicest thing someone’s ever done to me, and I love you all so much. It’s incredible. I can’t even express how grateful I am that you thought of something like this.”

Sirius shakes his head. He thinks it’s because they’re standing so close but he can’t scream anymore no matter how much he wants to. Instead, he whispers, “Don’t talk like that. This isn’t a favor.”

“I won’t hurt you.”

“You could never hurt us.”

“I would never forgive myself if–”

“We’d be safe, Re. We’d be helping you.”

“Sirius, you’re not hearing what I’m saying.”

Except Sirius is hearing what Remus is saying, he just doesn’t like it. Sirius wants to enter Remus’ brain and poke around until he makes him see sense. More than anything, Sirius wants to make the most horrible thing Remus has to go through incredibly too often suck less, because no one in the world deserves to endure horrible transformations on full moons, but especially not Remus.

Sirius wants to say all of this, and he looks Remus in the eye and opens his mouth to do just that, but nothing comes out. Because Remus is looking at him all heartbroken and somehow hopeful at the same time and Sirius has never seen anything more breathtaking in his life. He doesn’t know what’s come over him and he swears he’s still angry and furious but Sirius feels like he’d implode if he doesn’t kiss Remus this fucking instant. And, oh, that is a thought.

Sirius is too angry to care, and he’ll scream some more after the fact, so he leans the tiniest bit closer and it may be his mind fucking him over but he swears Remus does the same, and they’re breathing in the same air and–

“This took us forever to find but– oh.”

Sirius jumps. He turns around and sees James and Peter standing in front of him. James is grinning and Peter is holding an enormous ancient-looking book.

“If I knew that making out with Remus was all that it took to make him change his mind I would’ve done it myself.”

“That’s not–”

“James! You–”

“It’s safe!” Peter says, cutting Remus and Sirius off and hitting Sirius’ chest with the book. Sirius yanks the book from Peter’s grip. “Look at the bookmarked pages.”

Remus is blushing when he takes the book from Sirius the very next second. Sirius thinks he’s blushing as well. “You shouldn’t dog ear library books, Peter, ”Remus mumbles as he starts flipping through.

Sirius chances a look at James and he immediately looks away because he can’t handle that much self-satisfaction right now. Only then does Sirius realize that it’s safe. He looks at James again and grins.

This is Sirius’ most favorite day, for more reason than one.

#I'm screaming at you because I love you and want to help you never be in pain again why won't you listen to me #Uhm actually maybe we should kiss :)#Sirius' internal monologues are always so so fun I love that guy #I'm on a microfic streak! My goal is 15/30 for may! It's been so fun thank you mods <3 #remus x sirius #remus lupin #sirius black #wolfstar drabble #marauders era #my writing

106 notes · View notes

the-badger-mole · 6 months ago

Text

Swept Away

Katara took a deep breath. In through her nose. Out through her mouth. She wasn't nervous. Not really. Not in the sense that other people mean when they say they're nervous. She wasn't scared. She was eager. In a few short minutes, she would be a wife. She would be Zuko's wife. He was going to be her husband.

"Are you sure about this?" Suki asked for the thousandth time. "Really sure?"

"I am." Katara opened her eyes and turned to her sister-in-law. She couldn't fight the smile that spread over her face. "I'm more sure of this than anything in my life. Zuko's it. He's the one."

"Katara," Suki sighed. "Look, I get it. Zuko's incredibly hot. He's smart. He...seems really nice, but-"

"Suki," Katara started to say, but she didn't get a chance to complete her thought.

"Katara, you've known him three months!" Suki burst out. "You've only been dating for eight weeks! You are the most straight laced person I've ever met. Why are you doing something this...impulsive? You're not impulsive!"

"What are you talking about?" Katara turned from the mirror to face Suki directly. "I'm exactly this impulsive. Don't you remember Jang Hui? My protest about gender equality for STEM fields at the North Pole? The time I started a rally for prison reform?"

"Okay, fine," Suki relented, rolling her eyes. "When it comes to social justice, you are very impulsive. But, this? Katara, you're getting married! Without your dad here. Without your GranGran! I know how much they mean to you."

"They mean the world to me," Katara agreed. "But you know I've never cared about a huge wedding. I love Zuko. I love him. I don't see why I should have to wait to make him my husband just because it would take too long for Dad to fly over to see us get married. We'll have a big party...a huge one later. And everyone we love will get to meet and celebrate. But this feels right!"

"Right?" Suki snorted. "It feels right to get married without telling anyone but me and your brother?"

"Yeah," Katara said. A wistful smile tugged at her lips. "I know it sounds crazy, but...I can't wait to marry him. I literally cannot wait. I've never felt this way about anyone. You know! I know you do. Sokka told me you and he started talking about marriage two months in." Suki rolled her eyes skyward and groaned.

"Yeah, talking about it!" Suki repeated it. "We didn't actually get engaged until a year in! We got married on our second anniversary!"

"Zuko and I don't want to wait that long," Katara laughed. "So we've on a faster timeline. So what?"

"What if there are things you don't like about him?" Suki pressed. "What if he's....I don't know...super anal about the way you put toilet paper on the roll? What if he doesn't wash his feet in the shower? What if he...he hates cats?"

"Did you know Sokka's every annoying habit when you married him?" Katara challenged. Suki made a face at her and sucked her teeth.

"No," she admitted. "But I knew a few of them! I knew enough to know that I could deal with the biggest ones."

"So do I," Katara said. "I know that Zuko likes his food unreasonably spicy. I know that when he's angry, he shuts down and needs a day or two before he can talk about it calmly. I know he thinks rom-coms are a wasted of a perfectly good evening. But I also know that he already values my opinion and will make decisions with me. I know he's put in so much work unlearning toxic traits he was taught as a child, way before he and I met. I know he has the softest heart underneath the hard layers. In three months, he's become one of my closest friends. I trust him, and he trusts me. I love him, Suki. I want to marry him now.

"Um..." Suki swiped at her eyes with her knuckles, and blinked rapidly against more tears. "I get that. I do! I just don't want you to regret doing it this way. I don't want you to regret not having Dad here to walk you down the aisle. Or not having Gran Gran help you into your gown. Don't you want a first dance with Zuko?

Katara turned back to the mirror and considered her reflection. As a girl, she had pictured her wedding. Her dressed in silk and looking the best she's ever looked, and her father walking with her to meet her husband. It was exactly as Suki said, with her dancing with her new husband while people took pictures and tossed confetti. Her extended family together and celebrating.

"I don't need it," she told Suki. "Did you know that the only family that Zuko has is his uncle? His mother is dead. His father is a monster. His sister won't speak to him. He wouldn't be alone- he has friends- but, it wouldn't be the same. Plus crowds make him anxious.

"So he asked for this?" Suki frowned. "He wanted to get married at City Hall?

"No, this was my idea," Katara assured her best friend. "He said he was fine with whatever I wanted. But Zuko's an introvert, and a little agoraphobic. The only buffer he would have would be me and his uncle. He wouldn't enjoy himself. Not as much as I would want. There will be plenty of time later to celebrate with the people we love. But not all at once.

"Dad won't like it," Suki warned. Katara shrugged.

"He'll get over it once I explain it to him," she said. "And he'll love Zuko. They have a lot in common."

Suki stared at Katara for a long while, wracking her brains for something, anything to say to her sister-in-law. She came up frustratingly empty. She should have more objections to her best friend and sister marrying someone she's only known a few months. Katara was convincing. She was very convincing when she wanted to be. Finally, Suki threw her hands up in surrender. If Katara was making a mistake, then the next best thing Suki and Sokka could do was make sure they were at least close enough to help her if she needed it.

"Sokka's not thrilled," she told Katara. "I promised him I'd talk sense into you before it was too late."

"It's been too late for a while," Katara chuckled. Suki nodded and laughed with her.

"I see that now," she said. "Sokka's going to be so disappointed."

"I hope that won't cause any issues with you guys," Katara's brow drew down in worry. Suki just waved her off, though.

"Nah," she said. "I'll just tell him I'm pregnant if he gets too riled up." Katara gasped and leapt up from her seat.

"Are you joking?" she squealed. Suki grinned and shook her head.

"I just found out a couple of days ago," she said. "I was going to take him out to the game this weekend and have it announced on the jumbotron, but I'll use it to distract him from your questionable decision making if I need to."

"I'm so happy for you!" Katara said pulling Suki in for a hug. Suki hugged her back tightly.

"I'm happy for you, too." And to her surprise, Suki realized she meant it.

#atla #zutara #katara and suki #surprise! we got married!#hakoda took it better than anyone expected #katara was right #after she explained why they did what they did he was cool with it #iroh is surprisingly more upset #but it doesn't last that long #he gets over it in a week

105 notes · View notes

hubookunaluwawa · 1 year ago

Text

the horrifying realization that someone genuinely knows you

it wasn’t supposed to go this way. it was supposed to be easy. casual. fun. but now, you feel like puking. because the second those forbidden words left his lips while he was buried deep inside of you, after a night of the both of you pretending not to know how the other felt, all hell broke loose in your heart. you were able to keep your composure through the end, but once he cleaned you up and fell asleep, you quickly grabbed your stuff and got the hell out of dodge.

your throat tightens up, and your eyes start to sting as you head for the bus stop. one minute passes. then five, and then ten. and then, as if this night hadn’t been bad enough, droplets of rain began to drizzle from the sky. this bus couldn’t be coming any fucking slower, you think, and you nervously tap the side of your leg, hoping with all your might that he didn’t realize you left, because if he did–

“y/n?”

fuck.

“hey!” you feign innocence as you quickly glance at him, “what’re you doing up?”

“i could ask you the exact same thing,” he returns, his smile masking something foreign… something vulnerable.

“oh, well, yeah, i mean, i have an 8 am class, so i have to head back to my place.” you feel your easygoing facade beginning to crumble as you continue to stare straight ahead at the road. you felt gross, lying to someone you always felt so comfortable around. you just hope he doesn’t realize it before the bus gets here.

“really?”

“yep!”

“i mean, i thought you said you don’t like doing… this…” he motions between the two of you, “the morning before an early class. said it fucks up your internal clock and stuff,” he remarks in a tone that makes it crystal clear he’s not buying a word you say.

you turn to look at him once again, and he’s staring at you with a hooded unwavering gaze that you’d mistake for apathy if you didn’t know him any better. unfortunately, you do know him better: enough to notice that the unfamiliar look in his eyes is blatant fear, as if he thinks you could disappear at any moment. and then, how much he knows you hits you all at once, and you’re left a scared little kid with no idea what to do.

“yeah, i guess i just forgot.” you’d have to be in complete denial to think he couldn’t hear the distinct crack in your voice, fake smile be damned. the two of you stare at each other for what feels like hours until the tears threatening to spill from your eyes make you look away.

“y/n.” but his eyes are still on you.

“mhm?” don’t.

“y/n, please.” only on you.

i can’t.

“i need you to tell me if i just fucked everything up back there.” the desperation in his voice is unmistakable, making you catch your breath. your face falls, and your heart hurts more than you ever thought possible.

“why’d you say it,” you whisper, “why’d you have to go and say it?” and his heart shatters at the brokenness of your voice because it was him who did this shit to you.

“when we started this, we promised it wouldn’t turn into anything. and it was fine when it was just me feeling something, but it won’t work with the both of us–”

“why?” something’s changed. he’s angry. “why won’t it work? why can’t we let it work?”

“because shit like this never does!” you scream, and you can feel everything you’ve been bottling up inside for the past few months escaping your body in one go.

“it never does,” you say with a quiet laugh. “we’d get together, and then you’d get bored with me–”

“i could never get bored with you–”

“–or i’d get bored with you,” you continue while noticing the fleeting look of hurt in his eyes that’s quickly overshadowed by anger, “and then we’d only be with each other out of obligation. we’d be ruining a really good thing just for the chance of something different, so just forget it, because whatever… it is that you feel won’t last,” you say as if it’s the funniest thing in the world while gesturing towards him.

“oh, fuck you.” he laughs, tugging his hair in frustration.

“fuck you!” you retort, delirious from the fact that this conversation is even happening at all.

“no, fuck you for trying to tell me that what i feel isn’t real.”

“okay,” you scoff as you begin to walk away. you don’t know where you headed, but as long as he’s not there, you know it’s where you need to be.

“and fuck you for making me love you! in more ways than just one!”

you freeze for probably the 50th time tonight, and you finally look at him again to see the shine in his eyes as he speaks.

“please don’t disappear when i tell you this,” he practically whispers to you with a once-again fearful look.

and you don’t. you’ve heard your fair share of “i love yous” in your life, and they all meant the same, substanceless, conditional thing. and so, the more you heard it, the less you believed it. you’ve seen relationships–both yours and those of the people you care about–fall apart because people will romantically love those that they don’t even like platonically. so you believed, and continue to believe, that romantic love without a platonic basis is an incredibly common recipe for disaster. you know this, and yet, you don’t think you could run from him right now even if you tried.

“i’ve never felt what i’ve felt for you with anybody else. i think about you all the time. like, you’re the first thing i think about in the morning and the last thing on my mind every night. and whenever i see you, it feels like what everybody talks about in the movies and the songs, and it’s like the heavens open up and everything makes sense and my world’s brighter because you’re in it. i’m completely and utterly head-over-heels in love with you.”

he just thinks he is, you try to remind yourself, but this shit isn’t real. it’s just infatuation, a burst of attraction, a trick of the mind. it’ll go away eventually–

“but it’s not just infatuation like you always say.” you mentally curse him for being able to read your mind and peel back your layers so easily, but he takes a step closer to you as he speaks.

“because you’re also the one person i feel most comfortable around. i could be having the worst day of my life and seeing you for a few minutes would make it the best, because everything about you makes me happy! everything! i mean your smile and your eyes and the way you giggle at the corniest jokes and the little crinkle you get on your forehead when i say something dumb and… how you make me feel safe enough to talk to you and know you won’t think i’m crazy, and how passionate you get about the things and people you care about: all of it has me completely obsessed with you, and all i know is that i wanna keep making you breakfast in the mornings and holding you close at night and going on late night drives with you and hearing you laugh because your laugh makes me feel like i’m dreaming whenever i hear it and i can’t help but laugh too because i just can’t believe that, out of everybody on this planet, you keep choosing to be here with me and i just… i love you, y/n. and even if this doesn’t last, i wanna be with you for as long as i’m able, because it doesn’t feel like my love for you is ever gonna go away.”

and he breathes out the final declaration with a confidence that leaves you stunned because holy shit you’re actually starting to believe him. you can’t tell whether the wetness on your face is from the pouring rain or your own tears. maybe it’s both. but all you know is that, now, he’s holding your heart in his hands. and the scariest part is that he’s holding it with as much care as he’d treat his own heart. no, as much care as you want to treat his. and then, he starts to ramble, which you’re sure you’ve never seen him do (in fact, you’re pretty sure this is the most you’ve ever heard him speak).

you can’t stop yourself from looking at his lips, and the space between you grows smaller and smaller until it ceases to exist.

“i mean, it’s like you’re branded on my heart. you have this insane amount of control over me and i’m constantly wanting to be around you and hold you and make you happy because you feel like home to me but in the best way possible and i just want to be that for you too, and if you don’t feel the same way, that’s completely cool, and we could just forget this conversation ever happened, because you’re also my best friend and i don’t wanna lose you, and i–”

your lips taste sweet against his, and your hands cup his cheeks with a delicateness that makes him feel like crying, and he feels happier than he thinks he’s ever felt because he knows what this kiss means.

you take a moment to break apart, the tip of your nose brushing against his as he chases after your lips, and you desperately proclaim, “i’d never get bored of you either. i love you. i love you. you’re all i want.”

the bus you were waiting on passes you both by, and he meets your lips again, sighing into the kiss with relief. and you both make a silent promise, right then and there, to never let each other go again.

#eren x reader #eren jeager x y/n #eren x you #fwb to lovers #college!eren #angry rain confession #love confessions #this was made w eren in mind but you could imagine it w whoever honestly #iwaizumi? erwin? suna? aki? choso? sakusa? the world is your oyster !! :D #this is my first fic so y/n is kinda based on me 👀#but i might make a series out of it on ao3 (bars)…#is delicateness a word???? i honestly have no idea #it's as real of a word as substanceless i'll tell you that much #the ending is very dookie and there’s a lot of run-ons but we move !!!#constructive criticism is very much encouraged like please tell me if it's trash !!!

275 notes · View notes

jasmine-tea-biscuits · 28 days ago

Text

Some Long Live Evil Appreciation

Long Live Evil by Sarah Rees Brennan has a tragically small fandom. I guess I’ll pop out from the abyss like a screaming and starving ghoul bent on taking someone down with me because I JUST FINISHED IT HALF AN HOUR AGO AND I AM DESPERATE FOR CONTENT!!!

This will be spoiler free. I just need to ramble.

Anyway, it’s about Rae who’s dying from cancer when she’s given a chance to stop her death by going into her favourite fantasy novel. The only catch is that she lands in the body of the villainess and now has to avoid that horrible ending. Oh and she has to somehow scheme her way to a magical flower that only blooms once a year and can only save her that one night.

As someone who loves villainess isekai anime, I can confidently say this feels like a love letter to it. We’ve got our girl accidentally befriending and making characters fall for her in her attempts to avoid her doom! On top of that, we have her driving the plot more and more off track as she tries to fix it! We even have antics so cartoonish that they could be cringe, but they circle back to ridiculously iconic!

It’s riddled with pop culture references that will age it but I Do not care for it is wonderfully cheesy and our protagonists definitely need a break from all the blood and gore.

I also really love the side characters. They don’t just mindlessly follow Rae, and most take a while to warm up to her actually. But the back stories and alternating POVs we get in contrast to Rae’s reader knowledge? CHEF’S KISS! PlUS THERES QUEER REP!!

And the love story? Seems like there might be a love triangle at first but it’s made very obvious very quickly that there isn’t one. That medieval alpha male mf never stood a chance!

The love interest is unhinged in the best way possible. In the doesn’t save the world, but would burn it to save you kind of way! In a kill every last one of them kind of way that reminds me of my one and only Dimitri from Fire Emblem. Seriously, if you’re like me and seeing him feral post time skip unlocked something in you, this book has the dude for you!

Anyway, I gotta say that I really relate to Rae. I haven’t experienced illness like her.”, but when I suddenly became disabled as a teenager, I felt similarly angry when people asked me to show some grace and understanding to those who treated me like a charity case or something to be discarded when it became too hard for them to watch. When she talked about trying to hold back emotion to keep from pushing more people away, I was silent taking it in. Rae’s fury at being called a bitch for her anger healed a part of me. And her using that to fuel herself? I CANNOT EMPHASIZE HOW CATHARTIC IT WAS ENOUGH!

If any of this caught your interest, you should go read it. I NEED PEOPLE TO SHARe THIS OBSESSION With!!!

I’m off to brainstorm fanfic while I wait for the second book.

#long live evil #time of iron #time of iron series #sarah rees brennan

24 notes · View notes

seullovesme · 10 months ago

Text

for her happiness

pairing ⥬ f!idol x heiress!reader

genre ⥬ angst

summary ⥬ it was always her happiness over yours.

she latched onto your arm, finally having you all to herself.

weeks of getting rid of that girl you claimed to love so much, and it was worth every second if it meant she could call you hers. it took a long time of convincing, but you agreed to her proposal.

you always said you were cursed as a child. you were born into a rich family, but at what cost? was the money better than freedom? absolutely not, yet you had no choice but to obey the commands of your father.

"you'll be married to her. don't worry, you can learn to love if that silly thing really means that much to you. this marriage is essential for our company to climb to the top. with the help of her company, we will be #1 in the entire nation."

now look where you are. you tried to escape, you called the arranged engagement off but she still hunted after you like a predator with its prey. she did everything to stop you from being with the one you truly loved, and her work paid off. you let her go months ago, knowing she would only be hurt if you tried to hold onto what was left after your ex fiancé's wrath.

you stared at the woman who clung to your elbow like she owned you, like she won something. when you saw her, all you saw was the lady who stole your happiness and stepped all over it like it had no meaning.

"are you happy now?" you muttered.

"yes, i am." she responded and it almost made you scoff out loud. "i can finally love you like i dreamed."

that made you scoff, her words just so ridiculous. was she crazy? "you think because you got rid of your competition that i will suddenly love you?"

"wait... let me rephrase that. there was no competition, she was always the winner to me. the one i would have picked. so let me remind you, even if you scared her off by claiming i was yours and that she had no chance just to have me, i will never love you the way i loved her."

she tightened her grip on your suit sleeve, clearly affected by your words. her breathing quickened as she grew more and more angry. she avoided your sharp glare, knowing she would cower away at the intensity.

"i let her go because i loved her. i did it for her, so do not misunderstand. it was not to be with you." you stated firmly and took her hands off of your arm, walking out of the building. you took a deep breath of the fresh air after feeling so suffocated and uncomfortable. you miss her deeply, but you knew you were doing the right thing. she deserved her happiness, even if it meant you weren't the source of it.

but maybe the world was on your side for once as once you stopped thinking, you recognized those sweet eyes that watched you from afar. she smiled, you smiled, and for a moment, you felt okay.

but a man stole her attention and her smile only grew wider. it felt like your world stopped as he put his hand around her waist, her eyes filled with loved, and yours with tears. your chest felt tight, but you chanted that sentence over and over again in your head.

'she deserved her happiness, even if it meant you weren't the source of it.'

i got inspired by marry my husband, its a good drama 10/10 would recommend btw (go coping over the fact that the new episodes drop tmrw and im too busy to watch)

#seullovesme » posted!#kpop gg #kpop #gxg #female reader #female idol x reader #kpop idol x reader #kpop girls #aespa x reader #ive x reader #lesserafim x reader #le sserafim x reader #red velvet x reader #female x reader #itzy x reader #blackpink x reader #idol x reader #kpop angst #angst

68 notes · View notes

persona-brainrot-real · 4 months ago

Text

a very long about haru because i love her and im upset about how the game let her story get overshadowed at every turn

its nearly 3am rn but i'm thinking about how genuinely insane it is for persona 5 to introduce Haru as a character who is struggling to find any of her autonomy and treat her the way that they do. her father is marrying her off to a man who makes it explicitly clear he wants to use her for sex and even Okumura, in his palace, is shown to understand this.

[ID: three screenshots of Persona five royal. In the first, Haru in her Phantom Thief outfit says "Father! You want me to be that mans plaything to satisfy your own ambitions?" the second is of Shadow Okumura, looking angry, saying "This is the only value you've had from the very beginning. The third image is before the boss fight against the cognition of Haru's fiance. He is saying "let's have fun! I'll play with you until I get bored!"]

even outside of the palace, in their daily life he makes it extremely clear that he has no intent on trusting Haru with company business (likely because he expects the company to be handed off to her husband after he dies) and he doesn't acknowledge her feelings or anything she says to defend her own autonomy (i know this is me reciting everything in the game i do have a point)

[ID: three screenshots of Persona five royal. In the first, Haru is upset as she says "So I'm not even allowed to decide where I will live, am I?". In the second, Okumura is saying "not only do you come home late, you've even stayed out overnight without permission..." looking disapproving. In the third image, Okumura is saying "I have my hands full right now with the company. Don't cause any more trouble for me." He is holding his phone.]

even when she first joins your team, she tries to insist on being useful and fighting, considering this is her request and her fathers palace, and morgana tells her she cant. i know its 'for her own sake' that she cant fight, but considering that Morgana was there when she first awakened and planned on using her to get through a palace alone, its really frustrating to then see him say shes not strong enough to fight in a team.

[ID: two screenshots of persona five royal. Both are taken in Okumura's palace. In the first, Haru is saying "I can fight too! Please, let me join you in battle!". In the second, Morgana is saying "Your persona is too weak to fight safely at the moment. Just leave that side of things to us for now."]

and this comes in AFTER morgana, while using her, gets her to insult his friends on his behalf because hes annoyed with them, even though she's visibly uncomfortable doing so, contradicts what morgana wants her to say, and is shown later to have no real malicious feelings for them - and all of the bitter feelings she DID have were because morgana told her that the PT's were mean and didn't treat him right or didn't need him, which wasn't true to begin with, and is why she has to ask him for direction on what to say,

[ID: Haru looks upset. She stands opposite the Phantom Thieves and looks at Morgana. She is asking him "What was it again?"]

and you bring all of this into a brilliant character of a girl who is so self-assured, so firm on what she wants and her own autonomy - i want to be a Phantom Thief, i want to be a hero, i want to have my autonomy but more importantly i want to earn it, i want to change my fathers heart myself so that he becomes a better person and a better business owner, i want to prove to him that i can be trusted with the company and that i have more worth than being married off - but never really gets to express that? Even when it comes to the fight with Okumura and her chance to have her moment - the moment where Yusuke tells Madarame he's a coward who lost sight of his passion, where Ann gets to tell Kamoshida that he's only alive because she wants him to live through all he's done (both in the palace and the real world), where Futaba gets to talk to her mom directly in a scene that always makes me tear up - Haru's moment to stand up to her father is overshadowed by her father speaking to Morgana instead!!!!!

i know that this could also be a huge meta moment - he sees his daughter standing up to him, defending herself, and dismisses her entirely to try and appeal to the next rational subject, a man, but . the man is a cat. it doesnt work as well if he turns to a cat to be like "well certainly you'll be more reasonable" and turns the focus to Morgana - who has already taken up a lot of time that Haru deserved to have recognised!!!!

i have issues with morgana, yes, and I believe a lot of that arc could have been really useful character building for him if it had been handled slightly better, given more weight and better pacing, but it really wouldn't have been such a big problem for me if it hadn't been pushed so heavily during Haru's character moments, because she is SUCH a good character!!!!

in her first appearance she makes for a really good subversion of what the PT's think that they are. her insistence on working for justice helps them work through their temporary doubt for what their purpose is and by having such a difficult situation happening in her life, she unites them all on something that they have to do. At least until they go to Okumura's palace for the first proper investigation, the intent to rescue Haru from her fiance is more important than the Phan-site and more important than any of Okumura's business practices.

she prioritises everyone elses happiness over her own to the point where she watches her father die on live television and tells the PT's to continue having fun at destinyland without her without considering that they'd want to be there for her. She has always suspected that people only wanted to be her friend for her money - and this seems to have affected her so much that despite being 'secretive about her history' at Shujin, she still doesn't mention at any point whether or not she has friends and is only seen speaking with teachers.

after her fathers death she has no real reason to trust any of the PT's - they were navigating with an unknown method, with no proof to show that what they were doing wouldn't cause a mental shutdown, they barely know each other, and yet she trusts them in spite of this and places her faith in the PT's regardless. even when faced with the person who DID kill her father, she understands that his death was a larger piece in a bigger plan and that it wasn't akechi's fault, it was the fault of Shido for ordering him dead, and in Shido's palace she's able to get the catharsis of killing the cognition of the person who aired her fathers death publicly on TV.

And what I think is a more frustrating part than any of that - where all of the Phantom Thieves, after their palace, get following story beats that increase their importance to make sure that you, as the player, can get attached to them, but the more PT's that join the team, the harder it is to juggle all of those characters and a lot of them have very vocal and prominent personalities that keep them involved. Yusuke's general quirks and behaviour keep him interesting, Makoto has an entire arc that's established ages before she's involved in Kaneshiro's palace, Futaba becoming navigator keeps her relevant, but where Haru's arc is taken over by Morgana in the palace where she's introduced, all subsequent story beats are entirely overtaken by Akechi.

Don't get me wrong, I love Akechi and he is in my brain 24/7, but it is extremely unfortunate that her fathers death immediately kickstarts the section of plot where the PT's realise that they're being tricked, meaning the plot suddenly ramps up, and during the school fair (something Haru is explicitly very excited about), Akechi's growing popularity and prominence in the story takes centre stage, especially as a day later he blackmails the PTs and joins their party.

Again, not complaining about Akechi, its just unfortunate that Haru's main story is clouded over by Morgana having a character arc and then the fan favourite comes in and immediately becomes the most prominent character for almost the entire rest of the game. It's sad because I love Haru but it wasn't until I romanced her that I realised how much I love her and how much there is too her - which ESPECIALLY sucks because it makes the section where you're reassuring her in the velvet room fall so flat compared to how you reassure everyone else.

ALL to say that i think it's wild to have a character whose entire arc routinely revolves around proving herself and reclaiming her autonomy from the men in her life, like her father and her fiance, and having her character arc so heavily influenced and even overshadowed by morgana, a male character. thank you guys for listening and if you disagree with me consider writing what your opinions are on your own post and not on mine :3

Anyway. huge rant post over. Haru is my wife and my girlfriend and my silly rabbit and i think she should be hyped up way more. ESPECIALLY for her showtime attack with makoto because that's fucking adorable. everyone must post one thousand haru okumura positivity posts right now

[ID: a gif of Haru Okumura, in her Phantom Thief outfit, holding her hat with one hand and pointing with the other. She says "I am no longer your subservient puppet!" while looking determined.]

#haru okumura #persona brainrot real #persona analysis #p5r #p5r spoilers #persona 5 spoilers #persona 5 #persona 5 royal

41 notes · View notes

distort-opia · 1 year ago

Text

In other news I re-read Superman: Birthright and I am now the living equivalent of the MAN HOLD ON. HOLD ON A SECOND meme :) There's... a specific aspect to their dynamic in this comic that makes me want to just. Gnaw off my own arm.

Lex and Clark had been friends during highschool, after Lex moved to Smallville, and it was because of Clark. Clark saw this person who was so frighteningly intelligent and "other" compared to his peers, incapable of hiding all the ways in which he was different. He saw Lex being so impulsive, prone to mood swings and lacking the emotional intelligence (at that point) needed to know when to intervene and when to retreat, visibly set him apart. Meanwhile, Clark had managed to assimilate, to make himself unnoticed, but on the inside he felt like he was apart-- so when Lex rolls into town, it's almost heartbreaking how fast he becomes fascinated and attached.

And yet there's this inevitable barrier. Lex talks about feeling like he doesn't belong on this Earth, about searching for alien life among the stars; essentially, looking for a place to belong. And Clark painfully relates to that, except he can't say it, he can't divulge the secret of who he really is, because of his promise to his father. He keeps seeking Lex out and trying to help him as much as he can, but he can only do it from the position of an outsider in Lex's eyes. But then Lex holes himself up in a lab for weeks, with Clark obsessively checking in on him and attempting to talk to him... leading to The Incident. Aka, the device Lex had been building was powered by a Kryptonite shard that had led Lex to Smallville, in his quest for alien life. So for the first time ever, Clark feels weakness and pain so intense he can barely speak, as a result of his exposure to it; and Lex, in his erratic state, mistakes it for fear. He throws Clark out.

And what's driving me bonkers about this is that Clark had decided to go there to tell Lex about his powers, about him not being of this Earth. Going against his Pa's wishes, because he couldn't bear the thought of Lex fully unraveling. He never gets the chance to, because Lex is blinded by his experiences and sees the worst in Clark's expression. In Lex's mind, he'd just showed Clark something so important to him, and Clark had balked just like everyone else.

And again. Kryptonite. Clark's a kid. He's feeling the worst thing he's ever felt, in the presence of that rock. But he still pounds onto the door, tears streaming down his face, for Lex to let him back in-- where the freaking meteorite is!

[gestures speechlessly for a second] I mean. I don't know about you but that makes me want to eat drywall. Clark doesn't care about the kryptonite, doesn't ask himself why he's feeling like this or doesn't even think about getting away, he's just desperately trying to fix it. To make sure Lex doesn't believe Clark hates him, asking for forgiveness, when it isn't even his fault. But of course, the power grid explodes, and Clark is too weakened to do anything about the ensuing fire. Lex is greatly injured in it, and his father dies. It's the last time Clark sees him, before they meet as adults.

The horribly tragic irony of Lex having come to Smallville to find proof of alien life, and then that very proof finding him, but Lex never knowing... it's just so compelling. While Clark didn't manage to tell Lex the truth, Lex also never suspected it, not even when a machine he'd built for detection purposes pointed at Clark. He immediately assumed it was broken and threw a fit about it. Lex wasn't able to look past Clark's "disguise" back then because he was so caught up in being angry at the world, and he never managed to see Clark enough to not assume the very worst of him at that critical moment. He never managed to trust Clark enough, and assumed the worst possible scenario when all Clark had been feeling was pain.

AND THEN. They meet as adults. And oh my god, it just must've hurt, the way Lex didn't recognize Clark at all. It doesn't even really matter if Lex actually did remember Clark Kent, but he just pretended he didn't to keep in line with erasing all of the evidence of him ever being in Smallville, because it's still a rejection of who Clark is. It declares him as insignificant. And then Lex meets Superman, and poses the exact same question: do I know you? Not even now does he manage to see Clark; not even when he's a super-powered, othered being, in his "alien" form. He doesn't make any connection between kid Clark Kent's reaction to the meteorite and the way Superman reacts to the kryptonite.

He never really realizes that he's hurt and alienated and let down the person he's been looking for all along, and that is the reason for the look of disgust and disappointment Superman levies at him, and which Lex resents to the point of orchestrating Superman's downfall. Once again, it's a look from Clark that sends everything crashing down, that Lex interprets his own way without hesitation.

AND YET! Mark Waid just keeps fucking going! And yet, despite Lex trying to destroy Superman, he's the one to actually tell Clark who he is. It's because of Lex's invention that Clark finds out what his planet was named, who his parents were, what his family was like-- it's Lex who inadvertently gives Clark something he'd been looking for all his life. Both Lex and Clark had been looking for the place they belonged, and then Lex ends up delivering that to Clark while trying to kill him.

"You weren't always, Lex." But Lex doesn't know what he's talking about! He doesn't know what he's ruined, and it's so sad, both for him and for Clark-- who all along, had just wanted to share who he truly was with Lex and to help him, but Lex... never sees it.

#so many THOUGHTS #this also puts Rebirth comics in a new light for me #Clark being so deadset on not trusting Lex's attempts to go good #and also the clear... projection going on with Bruce #this is also changing my perspective on S/uperbat a bit #long post #clex #clex meta #superman: birthright #superman #clark lent #lex luthor

179 notes · View notes

messed-up-stargazer · 17 days ago

Text

Political Rant Incoming

I’m not usually one to talk about my own personal politics but after today. I cant keep this inside. If you’re looking for something positive, resources to help people, this is not the place. I am angry, I’m feeling hopeless,and I need to let it out in order to be strong again.

If you are not President Biden, then you can skip this if you need to. Or stay, I don’t really care. We need to take care of our mental health to prepare, so make the right choice for yourself.

Note: nothing in this letter is threatening, secret service. Not only am I against violence in itself, but I wouldn’t be stupid enough to post my threats to the actual president on a fucking tumblr post. I’m not like the fucking rioters who posted all about them invading the capital like the fucking traitors they are. They can protest that name, but that doesn’t mean it’s not true.

Dear President Biden:

You’ve damned us. You’ve damned this country. You made a promise to this country and you betrayed us. Your ego was more important than every single person in this country, every man, woman, genderqueer person, every single one of us. You promised us you would be a one term president. You promised us. We didn’t want you, but we sucked it up for the country because you won the primary for reasons I don’t even know at this point. you appealed to old people, and they’re the most consistent voting block, because they’ve got nothing else to fucking do. So we voted you in in order to save our country. And look what you’ve done to us.

Every trans person’s death that comes from his presidency is on your soul. Every family that dies from poverty, every woman who loses everything or even dies from the lack of abortion services, every Palestinian’s death, they’re going to stain your soul and send you down to Hell, Mr. President. You have damned this country, you have damned the world, and while I don’t believe in Hell, you fucking do and you’re fucking going there. You failed the world, Mr. President. Not just Americans, but the world. The world was watching as we just did the stupidest thing in our country’s history, and it’s all because of you.

You may be saying Star, I wasn’t even the nominee. How could I be responsible for so many deaths that he is going to cause with his disastrous policies? Let me tell you. You didn’t give the country a chance. While I liked Kamala Harris’s policies, you forced her onto the country. She needed to run her own race. It is entirely, 100% your fault that we didn’t have an actual primary because you decided to break your promise. We could’ve chosen someone who had a much better shot at winning than the Black, Indian woman. I wanted so badly for her to win, it’s about fucking time that a woman be elected president, but she was never going to convince the moderate republicans just because she’s all three of those things. They do not think women can run the country, and as much as they’re wrong, we needed them to sit out or vote for us. And you didn’t give anyone else the chance to be a better candidate for them. Because as much as we hate it, because of the goddamn electoral college, we need to get the moderates on our side, because the moderates decide elections. The people who don’t pay attention to politics, the people who don’t remember what the last administration was like, they decided the election. And you didn’t give us a chance to win those people older.

You never should’ve ran for a second term. It was your ego, your desire for power that had you thinking you could run again, after you promised you wouldn’t! You’re already the oldest president we’ve ever had, we can see you declining, we could see it for years, and you still fucking ran again! It was your choice and your choice alone. Every harm that is felt during the next administration is going to be entirely on you. I hope you feel every death, every sob of the people who are forced to become homeless, every scream as a child has to carry her rapists baby to term, every soul as despair sets in when they realize they don’t have enough money to live because of the inevitable recession he’s going to cause. Because you are the reason it will happen. There is no one else to blame but you. You stayed far too long in the race, and then to add insult to injury, right at the end, you pulled a fucking “basket of deplorables”. You tripped the country at the finish line, and every hurt that comes from the injuries that our country, that our world endures is on you. You made choice after choice, and you’ve damned us!

I won’t say I hated the Biden administration. Some of what you did was great, some of what you did was really progressive. And it’s all ruined now because he’s going to undo every single thing, just like he did with Obama. Every good thing you did for the country will now be erased and you will have no lasting positive legacy on this country. Your legacy will forever be “he gave us a second trump term.” When history books write about you, they will treat you like Neville Chamberlain. As a failure. As a weakling. Except you’ll also be labeled egoistic and maybe even narcissistic because you refused to put your ego aside and let the democratic voters choose a candidate we wanted.

Since I know you’re Catholic, when you die (which I hope isn’t soon, I could never wish death on anyone truly) you believe you’ll meet God. When he shows you your lasting legacy of pain and devastation and he asks you, “why didn’t you keep your promise to the people of America and step down gracefully? Why did you run again and not give the American people a chance? You knew how dangerous he was, how dangerous his policies would be.” I doubt your answer of “I still wanted to be president.” Will be good enough for him!

Signed,

A lesbian who is absolutely terrified of what’s going to happen to her and her country

PS- And to those of you who voted for Russian plant Jill Stein (seen with fucking Putin, no regular American citizen is ever seen with him!) you did exactly as Russia wanted you to. You did exactly what we said you would. We told you if you voted for Jill Stein, the votes would go to trump, and we were right. Especially those of you who live in swing states. For all of you single issue voters who claimed that you couldn’t vote for Kamala because of Palestine, I hope you can live with what you’ve done because he’s said he wants to wipe Palestine off the map. He wants to put his hotels and golf courses on Palestinian land, and when he starts selling weapons to Israel again, as he said he would!, they’re going to give him the opportunity to do just that. And their blood will be on your hands too. I hope that moral superiority feels good now. I hope you fucking choke on it.

#angry rant #angry ramblings #election 2024 #us elections #personal #trump #joe biden #politics #jill stein #I hope all you accelerationists are happy #we are going to suffer for your ideology #the revolution you want will never happen #but the disabled and queer and immigrant populations will suffer anyways #those republicans you want to suffer collective punishment will never see what you want them to #the people you supposedly advocated for are going to die and you are partially to blame #will probably delete later before this gets me arrested

12 notes · View notes