#has no chance ever to try to become anything other than what his abusers want of him | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

niningtori · 3 months

Text

cruel intentions | part one

part two out now!

pairing: choi beomgyu x you

summary: you live your life (un)comfortably in the shadow of your bright and beautiful best friend, chaeyoung. when campus heartthrob, beomgyu, takes an interest in you, you can't help but feel like it's just a way for him to get closer to your beloved best friend. in reality, his intentions are far crueler than that. or, beomgyu agrees to get with the campus' resident dark cloud in order to win a bet with his friend.

genre: romance, angst, campus life, clichés and melodrama (as per uje)

warnings: brief mentions of reader's abusive household, reader has almost comically low self esteem

word count: 7.8k

notes: hi... r u mad at me? i know i've been gone for a month or so and definitely have other projects i've promised to work on, but i've had a lot of personal stuff going on and couldn't focus on anything. i love this trope so much tho and couldn't stop myself from wanting to try my hand at it. i'm not expecting much from this seeing as how it's devoid of any suggestive content, but i figured it'd be better to post it so you all know i'm alive. if people want a part two, i will gladly make one since i really like this trope, but i do want to know if that's the case before i write anything. anyway, i think that's it. enjoy, my lovely friends :^)

you’re okay. you really, really are. you wouldn’t say you’re happy, per se, but things are alright as they are. there are worse things than living in the shadow of your bright and beautiful best friend, whom you love very, very much. chaeyoung is nothing if not dazzling, so much so that everyone falls flatly at her feet in the wake of one of her smiles. you are, as a matter of fact, no exception. chaeyoung has been like a savior from your unstable home life ever since middle school. she has stood up for you when you were too afraid to stand up for yourself and has become more like your family than your family ever was. even so, are you envious of the way that everything seems to go her way? you’d be lying if you said it doesn’t bother you at times, but it becomes more and more bearable every day. besides, you can’t blame her for it; she has no idea that you’re considered as little more than her sidekick and, for lack of a better term, a mob character in the colorful campus life you’ve grown to accept as not your cup of tea.

being chaeyoung’s best friend comes with “perks” such as invites to what would otherwise be completely exclusive parties you wouldn't even dream of being considered for, but you can’t count how many times you’ve been approached with the intent of getting closer to her, so you refrain from any such affairs and opt to focus on your studies and fulltime job. in the beginning, your feelings would be hurt when men you were interested in feigned mutual attraction in hopes that they’d get closer to chaeyoung, but you’ve come to accept things as they are and you’re now known for your flatout rejection of anyone who attempts to woo you.

these past few years, what with your heavy coursework, demanding job, and feelings of inferiority, have been grueling, to be sure, but you’re finally in your last semester and closing act of this entire charade you’ve come to call your college career. in a few months, you'll be a free woman and you’ll be able to begin your life as a fully fledged adult. chaeyoung will remain as your best friend, you know, but you won’t have to be compared to her every second since you two are set on very, very different career paths. life, as it is, feels so small and unvaried to the point of suffocation, but all of that will be over once you’ve entered the post-college workforce. or, at least, you hope it will.

heeseung is lovesick, to put things in the simplest of terms.

“i just don’t see why chaeyoung won’t give me a chance! i really, really like her,” he whines.

“i know,” beomgyu says with a roll of his eyes.

“so why can’t you help me out?” he pouts.

“what the hell am i supposed to do about it?” beomgyu asks with a hint of irritation.

“gyu, you sit next to her and her friend in class! put in a good word for me!” he pleads.

“she’s always talking to that girl, so it’s hard to even say two words to her. you know that.”

heeseung is, again, pouting, but the machinations in his head are firing in overtime as he searches for a solution. suddenly, his face alights as if he’s found the perfect plot. beomgyu’s wariness increases tenfold as he waits to hear whatever fucked up plan heeseung has put together.

“i know! what if you distract her friend so i can actually talk to her? and you can find out what type of guy chaeyoung likes.” he looks so earnest in this moment, but beomgyu cringes at the idea.

“dude, no. that’s fucked up,” he says.

“c’mon, i know you can do it!”

“well, yeah,” beomgyu nods in agreement, “but i’m not pretending to be interested in somebody just so you can fuck her friend. that’s wrong.”

“oh, please, gyu. we all know you’ve done worse.” he’s right. still, beomgyu vehemently disagrees. heeseung, in his desperation, can only think of one way to force him to give in: attack his pride.

“what, are you scared she won’t fall for it?” heeseung teases. “well, i can’t blame you. i heard people calling her the ‘iron maiden’ and that she won’t let anybody near her. why would she fall for you of all people?” beomgyu scoffs at his insolence.

“i could get her if i really wanted to,” he replies. “i just don’t feel like it.”

“sure, whatever. i know you’re just scared she’ll reject the ‘great beomgyu’ and you won’t be able to keep saying you’re the hottest guy on campus.” beomgyu actually rolls his eyes at this.

“i bet you i could get her to fall in love with me by the end of the semester if i really wanted her to,” beomgyu argues petulantly.

“prove it,” heeseung challenges with a raise of his eyebrows. now he’s got him.

“not for free,” beomgyu says with a smirk.

“... fine. what do you want?”

“i want you to pay my half of the rent for the rest of the school year.” heeseung whines in response, but he quickly makes the calculations in his head and decides it’s worth it when he takes into consideration how fucking hot chaeyoung is.

“deal.”

and so it begins.

beomgyu, like most people, hasn’t really paid much attention to you before now. he barely even has an idea of what you look like, to be perfectly honest, but he can immediately figure out who you are just by looking to chaeyoung’s side as she's walking through the classroom door and seeing who’s sticking there. he takes in your features as if he’s seeing you for the first time, and he kind of is, frankly speaking. you’re not nearly as pretty as chaeyoung, and you definitely lack the aura she has, but you’re not bad by any means. your clothes are ill-fitting and your entire demeanor is soaked with an air of exhaustion, but if he looks carefully, it’s not like you’re an eyesore or anything. still, he’s considerably better looking than you are. this should be easy.

“hey,” he says softly in his baritone voice when you slide into your usual seat next to his, chaeyoung sliding in on the other side of you. to his surprise, you say nothing in response.

“hey,” he tries again, a little louder, thinking you just didn’t hear him or something.

“oh. hey,” you say confusedly before turning back to look at chaeyoung and continuing your conversation with her. well, that’s not nothing, he guesses, but heeseung sends him a knowing, goading glance from his seat and beomgyu feels himself growing irritated.

when the professor enters, you turn to face her with a focused face and immediately pull out your pen to begin copying whatever she says down with solemnity.

beomgyu is staring so intently, he’s surprised you don’t feel his eyes boring into the side of your face, but you don’t seem to notice a thing. before long, your professor announces that there will be a final project that will require a partner. chaeyoung excitedly grabs your arm with a grin, to which you answer her with a soft smile of your own.

unluckily for the two of you, your giddiness is short-lived when she pairs chaeyoung with the person sitting on the other side of her, and you are stuck with the boy who randomly greeted you earlier.

“i’m glad we’re partners,” beomgyu says with a smile as soon as the professor is finished relaying the details of the project with the class.

“why?” you blink in confusion.

“‘cause you’re really smart, right? and cute, too,” he chuckles.

“oh, i guess,” you say flatly after a short pause. “when do you want to work on the project?” there is no wavering in your voice when you speak to him, and you look directly in his eyes, which is a far cry from the sweet, trembling voices and shy glances he’s used to. do you not find him attractive or something? no, that can’t be it. he’s everybody’s type.

“i’m free tomorrow after 5. do you want to come to my place?” you tense up, but he keeps pushing. “you know, so there are no distractions?” you’re wary, of course, but you see no hint of sinister ulterior motives. besides, he can’t possibly see you in an impure way, so you agree with a low hum.

“great. i’ll see you then.”

you arrive at his doorstep with your usual exhausted, haphazard look. some part of him thought you might try to doll yourself up to some extent, seeing as how you’re coming to the apartment of the hottest guy on campus and all, but he can sniff out no such effort. your hair is carelessly thrown up and your face is devoid of anything but the barest amount of makeup. your eyes are tired and there’s a permanent crease in your brows. still, he figures that complimenting you is worth a shot.

“hey, you look pretty today,” he says warmly. you do nothing but stare with a withering glance, but the grin never leaves his face.

“hi. where did you want to start?” you ask while following him to his living room and setting your bag on his couch. if he feels slighted by you ignoring his compliment, he doesn’t show it.

“i thought we could review the rubric first and go from there,” he shrugs.

“okay.”

he makes several attempts at small talk, but they go nowhere. you are laser focused on the project and don’t even hesitate to reject any and all advances from him to the point where he’s beginning to grow frustrated. maybe you aren’t called the iron maiden for nothing, but the prospect of having his rent paid for the rest of the year is enough to keep him from giving up. he decides he’ll try a different approach.

“do you want some coffee? you look tired,” he says gently. you’re actually surprised at his observation, and he can tell.

“yes, actually. thank you.”

when he finishes making your coffee, he hands you a mug and you thank him while sporting a shy, grateful smile. momentarily, he’s stunned. he’s never cared enough to look for your smiles, and even if he had, he’d never see them unless you were with chaeyoung, but he realizes you look infinitely prettier while wearing one.

“of course. if you don’t mind me asking, is there something wrong? you look really tired lately.”

“i-i’m just working overtime these days. th-thank you for noticing,” you sputter nervously. seriously? his feigned consideration of your personal circumstances is what makes you flustered? well, whatever. he can work with this.

“work is important, but your health is more important. don’t spread yourself too thin.” if your cheeks felt hot before, they’re scorching to the touch now.

“i… i’ll keep that in mind. thanks.”

he doesn't probe much more deeply than that for fear of scaring you away, but you seem to have opened up just a bit in light of his thoughtful words. when you two decide to wrap up for the night, he walks you to his doorway.

“thank you for tonight,” you mumble with another one of your rare smiles.

“you’re welcome,” he replies with a grin.

you’re about to walk through his doorway when you turn back suddenly. before he can ask about it, your next words come tumbling out.

“chaeyoung likes confident men, but not to the point where they’re obnoxious. she hates movie dates because she wants to talk too much during them, but she likes stargazing, preferably with a picnic, too. she won’t text first, but she’ll respond quickly if she likes you back.” he’s stunned into silence and tries to stutter out something to the effect of “i wasn't trying to get you to tell me about her”, but all you do is give a knowing stare and he realizes he’s been caught. you leave his apartment and he’s left reeling. so much for being discreet.

the next time he sees you, he knows he has to apologize, but it isn’t until you meet again for the project that he decides the timing is finally right.

you’re sitting on his couch, scrolling through your laptop as you proofread what you two have written so far when he musters up the courage to say something.

“listen,” he begins cautiously. you lazily look up at him and he tries to swallow the lump in his throat.

“i… i think i owe you an apology and an explanation. i’m sorry for making you feel like i was just being nice to you so you could tell me about chaeyoung, but i really have no interest in her, i swear.” well, he’s half lying and half telling the truth, but he means it when he says he couldn’t give less of a shit about her. he can’t say he wasn’t just being nice to you in order to get his rent paid, though.

you look confused for a moment, as if you don’t even know what he’s referencing, but realization dawns on your face as you finally remember what he’s talking about.

“oh, it’s okay. it doesn’t bother me, anyway,” you reply with a shrug.

“i’m serious,” he says firmly. “i really have no interest in her. to be honest, i’m interested in someone else at the moment.”

“oh,” you respond flatly, and you turn back to your laptop as if you’re bored and couldn’t care less about the most popular guy on campus actually having feelings for someone, for once. he snaps your laptop shut and you look up at him in surprise.

“i mean it. the person i actually want to get to know more about is you.”

your jaw drops in pure shock.

“m-me? why?” you say, as if you can’t possibly believe that anyone could take a genuine interest in you. for some reason, he feels a pang in his heart at your sheer incredulity. sure, you’re no chaeyoung, but it's not like someone liking you is so rare of an affair as to throw you off kilter like this, right?

“what’s wrong with me wanting to get to know a pretty girl like you?” you scoff and roll your eyes. you know you’re no trophy by any stretch of the imagination, so you have a hard time believing he means a single word.

“yeah, right,” you snort derisively. “the cutest guy on campus has a crush on me. you can’t honestly think i’d fall for that, can you? if you’re trying to flatter me to get me to do this entire project by myself, keep dreaming.” he’s surprised at your insistence. well, you’re not entirely incorrect. his intentions are impure if nothing else, but for some reason, he’s determined to prove you wrong.

“oh, so you think i’m the cutest guy on campus?” he teases with a smirk and a wiggle of his eyebrows. as if you didn’t realize you said those words yourself, you look more flustered than you’d care to admit.

“w-well, i —”

“i’ll take it. and no, i’m not trying to get you to carry our grade on this. i genuinely just want to get to know you better.” and he doesn't know how much of that sentiment he really means, but he does know it means more than it should.

after a few more meetups, you’re pretty much convinced that beomgyu truly has no interest in chaeyoung. he never asks about her, and even when you offhandedly comment on her, he never pushes to know more. he just hums in recognition or perfunctorily answers. as for believing that he sincerely has interest in you? you’re not sure you believe that, but when the project is finished within a week and he asks you out on a date, you can’t help but seriously consider this previously inconceivable thought.

“what did you say?!” chaeyoung asks excitedly once you relay that beomgyu, of all people, has asked you to go to dinner with him.

“i said i’d think about it,” you sigh.

“you should go! text him right now and tell him you’re going!”

“i don’t know, chae. you’ve heard the rumors about him. he’s a player…”

“who cares about the past?! i haven’t heard anything like that in a while. plus, it’s worth taking a chance, right? you haven’t been on a date in god knows how long. if you don’t text him, i will!” she exclaims. “gimme your phone, i’ll do it right the fuck now!”

“no!” you counter, clutching your phone to your chest protectively. “i… i’ll do it myself,” you mutter.

“that’s my girl,” she says with a sweet grin.

“i feel stupid,” you mumble as chaeyoung applies the finishing touches to your hair.

“well, you don’t look stupid, i’ll tell you that much. you’re absolutely gorgeous,” she boasts.

“as if,” you mutter, but you know she truly believes it. chaeyoung has always argued that you’re beautiful, even though you know that the rest of the world, including you, doesn’t think so.

“i’m being serious!” she says with a playful smack to your shoulder. “you look hot! i bet he’s gonna drool when he sees you.”

“alright, you’re going too far,” you say with a shy smile.

“go! you’re going to be late,” she chastises. you check the time and realize she’s right. you hurriedly grab your things and scramble out the door.

beomgyu offered to pick you up, but you vehemently denied this on account of the restaurant being a 5 minute walk from your apartment. you need the walk to calm your nerves, anyway.

when you enter the restaurant, all bright-eyed and beautiful, beomgyu looks up from his phone in sheer shock. he knew you were actually pretty cute under the exhausted veneer you have permanently placed over you, but he never knew just how stunning you are when you don’t look like life has run you over. you’re actually wearing form-fitting clothes for once, too, and he likes what he sees.

when you lock eyes with him, you actually smile, which you have been doing a lot more lately, and he can’t help but return it with a smile of his own. it’s a little more eager and sincere than he realizes.

“you look gorgeous,” he remarks when you sit down in front of him.

“you’re exaggerating…” you mumble embarrassedly.

“i’m not. you’re stunning.” and he means it.

“th-thank you,” you say, and the air is thick with tension before you clear your throat and ask him if he's already ordered drinks.

the date goes surprisingly smoothly, all filled with laughter and banter. he already knew you were smart, but he realizes how funny you actually are when you’re not so tense. you match his mischievousness with your own and it feels so much like a real date that he forgets why he’s doing this in the first place.

he’s surprised to hear that you’re actually quite interested in music. you share a mutual interest in a lot of bands and you even offer up some recommendations of your own, which he earnestly writes down in his notes app. when he mentions that he actually plays the guitar, your eyes light up in interest.

“will you play for me, someday?” you ask excitedly.

“of course,” he smiles softly. a lot of girls have asked him to play for them, and he has always happily obliged in order to get in their pants, but this time feels… different somehow. like he really just wants to show you how much he loves music and creating his own.

as you leave the restaurant, he grabs your hand and laces it with his. to both of your surprise, you don’t pull away and even let him gently swing your hand back and forth. you actually look like a real couple. you feel like one, too.

dates with beomgyu become a happy, regular occurrence. you’re not necessarily together as of now, but it’s been about a month and you’re genuinely considering something serious with him. he seems to eagerly reciprocate this sentiment if his constant invitations are of any indication.

he suggests walking to the nearest park to sightsee, and you agree before you can even fully consider it. as you walk through the trail and take a seat on a bench in front of the pretty, sparkling pond, he locks eyes with you. you look so beautiful like this, eyes devoid of their usual exhaustion and wariness, replaced by a sense of peace. he can’t help but try his luck and lean down to, hopefully, join your lips with his for the first time. usually, he’d have tried this a lot sooner, but for reasons unknown to him, he’s treated you with a lot more care and reverence than he’s ever treated anyone before. a sudden ringing interrupts the moment, though. you casually take out your phone and all the aforementioned contentment in your eyes flushes out as you see the contact information.

“h-hello?” you say unsteadily as you unlace your hand with his and walk away.

he can’t quite hear what you’re saying from the distance you’re at, but he can see how wound up you are. he tries to be considerate and tune out your conversation, but when he hears you yelling and the person on the other end of the line yelling back, he can’t help but be engrossed. you’re borderline screaming now about something related to money. something about a sibling of yours, maybe. something about how you’re tired of being taken advantage of and how the other person is being unfair. you’re angry, he can tell. indignant, even, but all of that leaves your demeanor when you deflate with insincere apologies and a sense of relenting out of sheer defeat. after the explosive call ends, you walk back to him with the same exhaustion permeating through your bones that he’s become so familiar with. even though you’re dressed and primped so beautifully, nothing can cover the tiredness of your entire person.

“i’m sorry you had to hear that,” you say in a monotone voice.

“o-oh. it’s alright. is… is everything okay?” he tries tentatively.

“yeah,” you say with the most forced smile he’s ever seen.

“do you… do you want to talk about it?” he asks.

you sigh. normally, you would not. normally, you’d brush it off and just call chaeyoung to blow off some steam, but for some reason, you’re so frustrated that you can’t help but want to tell somebody other than chaeyoung because you know you rely too much on her for comfort. as for that somebody being beomgyu, you, for some reason, somewhat trust that he won’t go around telling everyone about your family troubles. you also vaguely feel that he won’t judge you, either.

for his part, beomgyu genuinely seems concerned. he seems like he wants to listen. he’s shown you, in the past month that you’ve known him, that he really does notice when you’re tired and cares enough to ask about you. he tries to cheer you up with coffee and snacks even though you have refused to divulge any of the details of your personal life thus far. what’s the harm in trying to trust him? you feel like you can tell him about this, so you do. and once you do, it’s like you can’t stop.

you tell him all the dirty details of your home life and just how fucked up it is. you tell him about how you’re forced to work a full time job on top of being a full time student to help with your family back at home. it’s not that you mind helping out, but they show you no consideration or care and you’re always left feeling like you’re just there to be their workhorse no matter how many times you tell them that you’re tired. the only time they ever contact you is to try to wring every last penny out of you. your sibling, of course, is the exception, and is the only reason why you keep doing it aside from your unfettered guilt that you were practically born feeling. your need for validation has not sprung from nothing, and it seems like your money is the only way to get it from the people you reluctantly call your family. you don’t delve into details about the abuse you’ve endured, either, but it doesn’t take a genius to figure it out. still, you can't help but love them. you just wish they loved you, too.

when you’re finished speaking, you don’t even realize that you’re crying until beomgyu gingerly wipes your tears away. oh no, you think. you’ve said too much. he’s going to be scared off just like every other guy you’ve told about your emotional baggage. who would want somebody whose life is in shambles? your self esteem is low, your financial circumstances are almost as equally dire, and you have no redeeming qualities you can think of. what have you done?

you hurriedly apologize for your outburst and wipe your tears away in a frenzy.

“s-sorry. just ignore me,” you say with a shaky breath and he can see you folding into yourself.

“why would i ignore you?” he asks, cupping your face. “you haven't done anything wrong. i’m so sorry that you’re being treated this way, and i’m even more sorry that you feel the way you do. you don’t deserve this, you know?”

your eyes snap up to his at his words. does he really mean them? his eyebrows are knitted in concern and he seems like he really does care.

“it’s… it’s okay. i’m fine. i should be used to it by now, but i’m just so, so tired all of the time. i feel like everybody on this planet just wants to use me,” you sob. “everybody besides chaeyoung a-and now, maybe, you,” you admit, grabbing one of the hands that holds your cheek. he feels like he’s been electrocuted as your words resonate in his heart. he is using you. he is planning on throwing you away at his earliest convenience once he’s done with you.

but he’s increasingly unsure if he wants to do that, anymore. with every day that you spend together, he finds himself wanting to soak up every part of you. he wants to know everything about you. your likes and dislikes, what makes you tick and what makes you smile, and, now, what makes you feel so sad all of the time. he wants to be the one who takes away all of your exhaustion. he wants to be the shoulder you can cry on. he realizes that he never wants to see you sad ever again, and, more than that, he realizes that he’s felt this way for a while. when he began to genuinely care about you, he doesn’t know for sure, but it may have been the moment you told him how to win chaeyoung over as if you never expected anyone to be kind to you for good reasons. he realizes that he’s wanted to prove you wrong and that you’re worth giving a fuck about ever since then.

“sorry if that’s too much,” you say in lieu of his pensive silence, pulling away from his touch, but he pulls you into a tight hug before you can fully separate yourself from him.

“don’t be sorry. i want to hear about these things, if it makes you feel better. i want my girlfriend to trust me,” he says softly.

“your girlfriend?” you ask incredulously.

“well, yeah? i mean, if you want to be, of course,” he says sheepishly.

“of course i do!” you say excitedly. you throw your arms around his neck and pull him into a sweet kiss. your lips are soft and so, so warm. warmer than anything he’s ever felt before.

it’s a mere month before graduation, and you and beomgyu have been together for a few months now. every day is blissful. he convinces you to relax, and his mere presence is enough to soothe your nerves. the exhaustion that previously hung around you like a curse is pretty much gone and a spark of life has finally entered your countenance. he feels proud when he thinks that he helped put it there.

every time you’re overwhelmed at work, he seems to notice before you do, and he always stops by with a meal because he already knows you forget to eat when you’re stressed. by the same token, you reciprocate this sentiment by showing up to his apartment and helping him through some of his harder coursework with no complaint, even though your workload is considerably heavier. he resists, at first, but you insist on helping as much as you can and you tell him it makes you happy just to help him a fraction of how he’s helped you.

you don’t realize that you’ve helped him just as much. you’ve made him into a better person, unconsciously or not. you’re so considerate of his feelings and always make him feel important no matter how busy you are. he’s never felt this way about anyone or anything before, but he’s so grateful you’ve shown him how much love has to offer. love. he never expected to find it in such an unconventional way, but he knows it when he feels it.

heeseung, for his part, is pretty satisfied. after months of chasing, chaeyoung has finally agreed to go on a date with him. he has promised her a picnic and a night of stargazing, which she happily agreed to. when she tells you about her upcoming date with heeseung, you’re a little surprised. what are the chances that beomgyu’s friend knew what you had suggested to beomgyu when you thought he was interested in chaeyoung? but they’re friends. best friends, even. it’s not shocking to think that if heeseung expressed interest in dating chaeyoung, that beomgyu would share what he knows. you snuff the light of suspicion out with a vengeance. hasn’t beomgyu shown you how much he really cares about you? how could you doubt him like that? you’re a bad girlfriend for even entertaining that thought.

it’s another dreary day in the library for beomgyu. he just wishes you weren’t working so you could hang at his apartment and make out, but he knows you’re swamped with work these days, so it’s all just a fantasy. that doesn’t keep him from indulging in it, though. when heeseung pulls up a chair next to him, he audibly groans.

“what’s with the attitude?” heeseung playfully chastises. beomgyu doesn’t need to rely on his almost preternatural intuition to know that heeseung is over the moon right now.

“oh, i know. you’re thinking about your little girlfriend, aren’t you?” he teases.

“so what if i am?” beomgyu snaps, a little too defensively.

“hey, man, i’m just kidding. you’ve done a great job on bagging her for me. my date with chaeyoung went great, by the way. thanks for asking.” beomgyu just rolls his eyes at heeseung’s obnoxiousness, which, if he recalls correctly, was one of chaeyoung’s turn-offs.

“i’m glad it went well,” beomgyu says sarcastically, devoid of any sincerity.

“for paying your half of the rent for months, it better have! it was worth it, though. so, so worth it.”

“what the fuck are you talking about?” a sudden voice cuts in from out of the blue. chaeyoung. oh no.

“n-nothing,” heeseung says hastily, looking like a deer in headlights. beomgyu can only stare with widened eyes — too shocked to do anything else.

“bullshit. you said you paid his rent because he ‘bagged her’ for you. were you talking about who i think you’re talking about?” heeseung rushes to deny it, but she turns her hardened gaze to beomgyu.

“were you fucking talking about who i think you’re talking about?” chaeyoung repeats through gritted teeth. beomgyu feels his heart sinking to his stomach. his whole world has come crashing down around him and he feels like he could just die from the shame. he wishes he could deny it, but her eyes are teeming with a sense of knowing.

“y-yes,” he says softly while breaking eye contact with her and looking at his hands, which he didn’t even know he was wringing. a sudden burst of pain on his cheek tears his gaze away from them, though, as chaeyoung slaps him square across the face.

“you’re a piece of shit, you know that? she trusted you, and you know how hard it is for her to do that. you’re fucking filthy,” she says in rage and disgust. the librarian has now come to investigate the disturbance, but chaeyoung quickly says she’s already on her way out. before she goes, though, she sends one last damning look at beomgyu and leaves her parting words.

“just you fucking wait until i tell her about this, you son of a bitch.”

beomgyu is anxious beyond words. he doesn’t know if he should call you, text you, or show up to your apartment groveling on his knees. he doesn’t have the time to do any of it, however, before he sees a text from you saying that you’re coming over.

when you arrive, that same old tired look you always had before meeting him is there, and it has increased exponentially. gone is the vigor you two had fought so hard to restore. oh no.

he tries to greet you, but you just hold a hand up to stop him in his tracks. you take a seat on the couch and look so tense you could explode at any moment.

“chae already told me, but i want… i need to hear it from you. is it true?” you ask shakily.

“baby, listen, i was—”

“is. it. true?” you repeat impatiently.

“... yes, but i—”

“i see,” you say with a solemn nod and a tight-lipped smile. his mouth feels dry as he waits for you to elaborate, but after a long, long silence, he realizes that’s all you have to say in the face of his deceit. he wishes you would cry, or be angry and yell at him for lying to you. it’s infinitely worse, somehow, to see you accepting it as if it was a matter of course. and, to you, it is. of course he wouldn’t like you — let alone love you. of course it was all a sick, cosmic joke. that’s what you are. this is what you deserve, and you’re an idiot for expecting anything different from him or anyone else.

“well, i guess you’ve won the bet,” you sigh, rising from your seat and smoothing down your skirt. “congratulations.”

his eyes are watery now, but you perceive it as the reaction of a child getting caught doing something he knew was wrong in the first place. you have accepted things with the type of resignation only a truly defeated person would have, and it breaks him more than he ever supposed anything could.

“don’t be sad,” you can’t help but add when you notice his upper lip trembling. “you can smile; i know you want to. now you won’t have to deal with me anymore. i’m sorry for wasting your time.” your words snatch him out of his entranced state and he’s rushing to get his next thoughts out with a desperation he can only describe as primal.

“n-no, that’s not it at all! and don't be sorry! i… i’m the one who’s sorry. i’m so sorry. i didn’t mean —”

“it’s okay,” you cut in with a knowing smile, which shatters the last remnants of his heart. “i understand. i really, really do. i know you’re not a bad person. it’s my fault for taking this whole thing too seriously.” your smile is still there, but it has twisted into something truly ironic and teeming with disgust. not toward him, he realizes, but toward yourself. “i should’ve known better.”

he’s rendered speechless once again, but you don’t give him a chance to collect his thoughts before walking away, closing the door lightly behind you. what words can he say to you to undo what he’s done? he wishes he could dig out his heart so you’d understand his true intentions. they were ill at first, yes, but they’ve evolved into something different entirely. something so sincere and pure he doesn’t dare to show it to anyone other than you. and you’re so calm about this entire situation, it’s driving him mad. how could you think so lowly of yourself as to see this coming? how could you think his actions were anything less than appalling and cruel? and, oh god, what has he done?

you’re okay. you really, really are. living in the aftermath of what you had foolishly believed was love is painful, to say the very least, but there are worse things, after all. what those things could be, you can’t seem to think of at the moment, but you know they exist even if you don’t have the energy to ponder them at present. chaeyoung, as expected, is more loving than ever. she rarely leaves your side these days. she’s always been clingy, but there is a level of doting and care she reaches without complaint on her part. beomgyu, to his credit, has seemingly taken the hint and fucked off. he doesn’t show up to your shared class and you took the liberty of blocking him on everything you could possibly think of. even it he hadn’t gotten the memo, chaeyoung is by your side like a rabid dog and she will gladly bite if he approaches. you’re grateful for that, you guess. him essentially cutting himself out of your life has made pretending like he never existed much easier. there are still traces of him, though, and they haunt you viciously.

there’s a party celebrating your impending graduation, and you would rather die than go, to be honest, but chaeyoung makes such a convincing argument that you can’t help but relent after hearing her drone on and on about how you deserve to have fun and let loose since your college years are ending and you have yet to fully put yourself out there in terms of student life. you will, in all likelihood (and with any hope), never see most of these people again, so will it kill you to just let go for once? on top of that, it will be a welcome distraction from your downward spiral that inevitably comes when you think of beomgyu.

you don’t really know what you’re doing when it comes to dressing up besides the basics, but chaeyoung knows more than her fair share and is all too willing to doll you up in a way you previously thought was impossible. after her flitting hands while doing your makeup and careful choices in wardrobe, you barely recognize yourself. for once, you feel good. you feel confident. you even almost feel worthy of standing alongside a drop-dead gorgeous girl such as your best friend, so when you enter the door of the house party, you don’t feel as small as can be under the scrutinizing gazes of all the usual party goers. one familiar pair of eyes watches you in awe, though, even if you don’t notice. you’re much too engrossed in the atmosphere of pure fun to recognize anything else.

you’re not really one for dancing — far too awkward and uncoordinated to really try it — so you sit as comfortably as you can on the decidedly uncomfortable couch and sip on what must be your third drink this evening. you’re smiling in contentment at the sight of chaeyoung dancing with her new crush. if you can't be happy, you’ll be satisfied with her happiness, instead. this is how it should be, you think. this is how it always should’ve been.

you’re so stuck in your thoughts you don’t even turn your head at the feeling of the couch sinking as a boy sits next to you. that is, until he clears his throat and you’re snapping your eyes up to meet his.

“i’m taehyun. i’ve never seen you around before,” he casually remarks. he’s really beautiful, like, fresh off the runway beautiful. you almost wonder if he’s talking to somebody else for a second, but his expectant eye contact with you tells you otherwise. you shyly introduce yourself and mumble something about parties not particularly being your scene.

“really?” he smiles. “that’s a shame. i wish i’d seen you before tonight.” you can’t help but blush. “i’d like to get to know you, if that’s alright.” you’re not so stupid as to fall for a man with honeyed words, at least not again, but you find yourself caring less and less about the repercussions as your head feels foggier and foggier. so what if this is a sick joke? you’re almost out of this hellish purgatory you call school life, anyway. even if taehyun doesn’t end up liking you, what’s the harm in indulging in a little fun while you can? you’re not going to put your heart on the line again — you’re too jaded for that — but maybe you can enjoy his company for what it is, no matter how fleeting it may be. so before you can think any better of it, you agree.

or, at least, you try to, but your sentiment is cut short with a sharp tugging of your arm.

“beomgyu, what are you doing?” you hiss as he leads you to an unfortunate-smelling bathroom.

“i-i need to talk to you,” he replies sheepishly.

“what’s there to talk about?” you ask with a sigh. “i’m not mad at you. i forgive you. so what else do you want from me?” you actually seem a little annoyed, which he has never seen before from you. it causes him to sputter and almost lose his train of thought.

“you know what i want to talk about…” he says meekly.

“oh? the fact that you dated me and said you loved me because of a bet?” you can't help the bitterness that laces its way around the edges of your words.

“yes, it was for a bet, but then it wasn’t about that, anymore. i really did fall for you. i… i love you.”

“i don't believe you.”

“b-but i mean it! how can i make you trust me?” his voice is overrun with desperation, but you quirk your eyebrow at his words.

“you can't make me do anything. i don't know what you're getting out of this, maybe some sick satisfaction that you can pick me back up again at your leisure? maybe you just feel bad for me? whatever it is, i don't care anymore.”

“no! listen to me, i really do care about you! i know i hurt you, but let me be there for you. i… i'll prove to you how much i care. how much i love you.” you're quiet for a long, long time. an excruciatingly long time. you seem to consider every syllable he just uttered, but you don’t seem fazed by his sincere words at all, and he worries he's losing you for good. before he can stop himself, he gently cups your face in his hands and tenderly runs the pads of his thumbs across your cheeks. you don't push him away and, for that, he’s grateful.

“alright. alright, i do believe you. i believe you love and care about me,” you admit with a sigh. he lets out a shaky breath he didn’t even know he was holding in before he presses his forehead against yours. thank god you believe him. maybe you don’t trust him yet, but he’ll do everything in his power to earn it back.

“i believe you, but it’s not enough,” you say resolutely, grabbing his hands and prying them off of you. his heart sinks and he can’t help but feel the sting of tears in his eyes.

“i forgive you, i really, really do, but you can't treat people however you want and expect things to go back to the way they were just because you’re sorry. i can’t… i won’t accept that.” he winces and he makes no move to stop his tears from falling now, but he bites his lip to stop the whimpers.

“you know me. you know how hard it is for me to… to believe that i’m worth loving.” he flinches at your self-deprecating words and he wishes he could kiss your face and erase any doubts of your worthiness. you are the most lovable person in the world to him. he wants to shake you and demand that you see it, but what right does he have to do so? instead, all he can do is shake his head furiously in denial of your sentiments.

“and everything you said, everything you did, just makes me believe that i’m right about myself. even if you mean it now, i can't get over the fact that it was all a lie from the start. if you love and care about me like you say you do, don’t you think i deserve better than that? better than having to be reminded that the person i love the most in this world only chose me because he wanted to get his rent paid?”

“i’m… i’m so sorry,” he repeats with a whine. “i wish i could go back in time and redo everything.”

“but you can’t,” you say softly, and he whines again, like an animal.

“i promise… i promise that i really love you, okay? and i’ll wait for as long as i have to for you to see that,” he says between sobs. you can’t help but feel sorry for him. you’ve seen beomgyu cry from stress, but never from the pure, unadulterated amount of pain he’s feeling as of now. you almost want to acquiesce and let him have his way, but you can’t do that. you don’t have much dignity to speak of, but even you can’t tolerate a betrayal this sizable. maybe, before you met him, you would have, but ironically enough, his presence has taught you that you should never compromise yourself like that for anyone. not even for the one you love the most.

“thank you, beomie,” you say softly, “but i don’t want you to wait for me. i want you to be happy, okay?” you ask as you stand on your tiptoes and press a goodbye kiss to his forehead. “and i’ll try to be happy, too.” without waiting for an answer, you leave the bathroom and shut the door behind you.

“i don’t want to be happy if it’s not with you,” he mumbles bitterly, but you’re too far away to hear it.

notes pt. 2: is this cheesy? YES. do i care? ONLY A LITTLE BIT. anyway like i said lmk if u want a part two <3

taglist: @my313 @superbbananananana @zzhyuu @lonelybutterflytae @cherrycolaberry @defnotleee @midwinterblizzard

*if you would like to be added to my permanent taglist or my taglist for the (maybe) upcoming next part, lmk!

#niningtori #cruel intentions #beomgyu angst #txt angst #beomgyu x reader #choi beomgyu x reader #beomgyu fic #txt fic #txt x reader #beomgyu x you #txt x you

677 notes · View notes

firesnap · 7 months

Note

i have a genuine question. i promise i am not at all trying to defend him. ive dropped him entirely, literally deleted everything i had of him and unliked his songs.

ive just been wondering like considering that he has been in therapy, and also considering how if he does take a year off and then comes back, why cant it be redeemable? like cant people change? cant we give them second chances? he is 27. is he just doomed to be an abuser forever?

its just scary and im asking as like a younger person who is in my very early 20s. i know ive made mistakes. i know ive not been a good partner or friend sometimes. (and yes i was also abusive to a past partner...im not proud of it and ive learned from it. i have never ever touched anyone in that way after that. it took awhile but my current relationship isnt toxic and i would never hurt anyone or hit them again yknow?) and it scares me that people keep insinuating that he is irredeemable. like cant abusers change and become better? dont they get second chances? if shelby has grown and healed in 10 months wouldn't it be fair to say the same for wilbur?

im just genuinely asking because based on everything i believe you are older than me and im looking for guidance and just...idk im scared. growing up on the internet has made me so scared of making mistakes and doing anything wrong because when it happens to others i look up to, its always treated as something they'll never be able to change or improve. makes me feel like imma just be a horrible person forever because i made mistakes in the past.

This is a really complicated question that multiple answers can validly fit.

I don't think, personally, that anyone is irredeemable. I think everyone is on a journey of forgiveness and some of us may need more grace than others.

This is tw// abuse even more than the current topic, but my mom was incredibly abusive. We lived in a very rural area and she had a lot of undiagnosed problems and trauma of her own that created a pressure pot of issues. After I was born, she suffered through full on post-partum psychosis that nearly ended about as well as that sentence implies it could have. She was incredibly violent, controlling, and cruel for years. My sister went no-contact with her the second she turned 18. A significant event occurred that eventually spurned her into seeking real treatment that lasted for years. It's still ongoing.

My sister is also still no contact and I support her decision 100%. Those are her wounds and what she needed to do to get peace should be respected. I decided I wanted a relationship with the person who came out of all that work and, even then, it's been hard. I don't know if she's redeemed herself, and my god do we still have bumps in the road, but I support her for trying.

With Wilbur, how he responds to this is going to really impact a lot of things. I mean, I know no matter how he responds I won't be going on whatever journey of redemption and healing he has to go through. I'm tired and I feel hurt enough. I would think, if he wanted to show he was sincere, admitting what happened would be a great sense of closure for a lot of people who put time and energy and faith into this guy for years.

Not every person that causes harm is inherently evil, but there has to be some kind of knowledge that you're aware of the harm you've caused. No one is stuck as anything forever, life is constantly moving, and most people aren't saying his life is just over. You can work on yourself. You can change. And I'm saying that specifically to you, anonymous.

(Saying this, actually, there ARE people who would argue once you've done x you're beyond redemption based entirely on their life experiences as a victim, personal histories and many other factors. Kinda like my sister, that's their choice. And you have to accept that sometimes you fuck up so badly that you will permanently lose some people from your life. But your life isn't over.)

But I do think, regardless of what he says or does about this, his time of controlling a large platform is at an end. He can still do a lot of things in his life after he works on himself -- editing, song producing, directing, writing or whatever -- but being in charge of a large impressionable audience that could enable more destructive behaviors is just not it.

#the current state of things

148 notes · View notes

thebottomfromhell · 9 months

Note

can i please request the upper moons +muzan falling for a human female reader please? i kinda wanna see how they treat reader different ( cause akaza don’t hurt women)

Ok, female version of this post, then. Again, it won't be pretty, Reader being a woman instead of a man won't make most of these guys act much different, since the reaction was more focused on Reader's humanity than the gender/sex. But they would feel it very differently, considering that this guys would be sexist AF (reminder that being sexist is more than hitting women).

For this time I will not be adding Muzan for tha sake of making something more abour him later (Sexism is an important topic for this prompt, and I am still figuring out how to make traist of his) sorry for that. :''/

Uppermoons reaction of falling in love with Human Female Reader

Warnings: Manga spoilers, Reader's death, Cannibalism, Yandere behavior, Mentioned torture, Non-consented body modifications (becoming a demon), Implied non-con sexual content, Predatory-animalistic behavior, Münchausen syndrome, Vore elements (not in a kinky way), Implied child abuse, Typical sexism of the time period, Mentions of menstrual period, And Each of these is a warning on their own.

Gyutaro (ft. Daki):

First things first, Daki loathes you. She sees you as hag trying to steal her big brother away from her. Good luck so she doesn't kill you.

"I have my eyes on you, you whore! I'm watching!" .... brats.

Meanwhile, Gyutaro knows he likes you but he doesn't want to acccept it. Liking a human? It's acary, a weakness against other demons and slayers.

Also, he is sure you won't want him, an ugly freak with a lady, what a laugh! He can't trust you, specially if you say you want him back. It's a lie.

He doesn't know how to behave with you, the only person he ever loved was his sister, and he was never able to tell her "no", and he is sure he won't be able to say it to you too. That is scary.

You have a lot of power over him, he protects you, takes care of you, obeys you when you tell him something, but he stays away most of the time.

He looks at you, yearning, to the point it's obssesive. You never leave his head.

Daki, because she has been also looking, knows if you do something, threats and destroys your things, protective over Gyutaro.

"Daki, ne... cut it off." "BUT ONII-CHAN!"

Make a move yourself, or this will continue until you die, since Gyutaro will also protect you from his sister, but won't be able to stop her completely. She hates you.

He won't force you to anything, respect you, understand you have it hard as a woman without him, so he won't hold it against you id you want to leave. Or at least he will try not to.

Still, against him? You will always be free.

Gyokko:

Gyokko is fast to figure put what he wants you to do, that he wants you to stay, even if it takes a bit more time to figure out how he feels about you.

You fill his taste, there is no mistake, and his tastes are the best. So he makes sure to praise you almost as much as his ability to choose.

"You are beautiful, no canvas can compare to you. Look at yourself and tell me I am right, that you don't deserve my praise and attention."

He will teach you a bit of his arts, even if he doesn't really expects you to learn in the same "profesional" way he does. Art for women is a hobby, and if it gets as far to be a job then they must abandon the idea of having husband and children.

Then again, he is not a husband, and having him gatting you away from human standards and society might give you the chance to be a true artist.

He eats parts of you as punishment id he thinks you crossed the line, but he is more lenient he would be if you were a man. "Woman are more fragile and hysterical, of course you I need to be understanding."

3 strikes is a foot in his mouthes, 6 to the knee, 9 all the leg. You can only have so many strikes before becoming more a burden than you are worth, without limbs.

You can beg for him to turn you or die, neither way he will make a piece of art of your body before your death. You will be sublime no matter what, but life will only come with begging.

He will make you stay awake through the pain, he will open you up a hole in your stomach, mold it into a form that represents the new birth. He will take away your organs, use your blood as make-up, dress you up nicely in red and white.

He won't even take a bite off as he pours his blood in the new hole, making you his forever.

Hantengu:

He cowers away at the slightlest chance of falling in love.

He disappeared, almost from thin air. Hiding... from a human... Upper 4 for you, ladies...

He comes back to cry about it, sobbing and sometimes hurting you with his clwas by accident as he grabs you.

He had several wives in his life as human, he knows how to treat them, or at least he should know, feeling pressured.

Why can't he just treat you like he treated them? Why is he so scared? He knows he is not doing it right but he can't bring himself to be charming and behave as a gentleman.

He is aware of his flaws, and id terrified with the idea you will leave him for it, even if he is not around most of the time, coming back and forward, comes to cry and then leaves.

Are you food? Are you beloved? Are you useless? Are you beautiful? Are you conforting? Are you nice? Are you about to die because of him? Are you going to reject him?

He will stab you in your sleep, or in an argument, he killed wives during those before. All with a knife instead of his abilities as a demon.

He didn't have to be a demon to kill women and children, and he is really sorry, but you had to die for his sake.

Sekido:

Ok, you have three seconds before shit explodes, so if you run you might save yourself.

3... 2... 1... "WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO ME YOU PIECE OF SHIT?!" There it is, that is all it took him.

A few days he kept think of you and he knew... you fucked up. You must scape until he calms down.

The fact that a fragile human, a defenceless woman, can make his heart beat faster and his face blush is simoly embarrasing. He hates it, it makes him angry, it makes him feel vulnerable.

The other clones are your best bet to get it this far, go for Karaku, he will keep you alive only for the sake of teasing Sekido.

Both of you know you will die, the more the likes you, the worse he will feel, and he will take it out of you.

You are just a human, you won't be able to survive him unless you become a demon, but he will not accept your refusal. He won't even tell you.

The relationship becomes stable in your new form, he just bites your neck and opens his wrist with his nails to transform you.

"Don't you dare trying to get away from me, woman."

Karaku:

"Gonna rock your body all night, it's lust at first sight" - probably Karaku if he knew Chris Crocker.

That is your chance for survival, and you take it, making him chose lust over gluttony.

He does threat of getting rid of you, but he makes sure to get you money, besides the flirting and gifts, considering he is aware he basically ruined your chance of a married life. He teases you about it when he feels cruel.

He makes sure to pleasure you, even if you don't want to, you don't get to make that choice.

It does take him more years than if you were a man to realize this is not normal lust, but that he is romantically attected to you.

He decides to transform you into a demon, doesn't warn or ask, when he realizes it.

He does it during sex, he bites you, moaning against your new wounds and the taste of blood. He will open his neck for you.

He will offer yourself to you once you wake up as a demon, memories lost and replaced with hunger and thirst. Not remembering the cold feeling of losing blood against his skin.

"Hey love~. Spend the night with me, will ya? I am all yours now, show me what you can do with it~."

Urogi:

Good news, Urogi doesn't want to hurt you.

Bad news, Urogi will hurt you anyway.

It's not even on purpose, he just gets carried away when he plays with you. He is not the most aware of the clones, so playful scratches and bites become dangerous.

He chases you sometimes, always wants attention, to play with you.

He likes to stay with you while you sleep, cuddling against you, sometimes you find him smelling around your scrotch when you are in your period, keeping his face around the area like a dog...

He gets bored of your limitations rather easily, so he decides to try to turn you i to a demon, consecuences be damned.

The last straw is a night when you have your period, the bited part of your legs your thighs, excited in different ways by the scent of ruined blood and vagubal fluids.

Then he will bleed into you, biting his own wrist off, feeding you chunks of his arms after spreading the blood over you.

He will chew and feed you mouth to mouth if it troubles you, only wanting to play with you, the new demon you.

Aizetsu:

His priority is that you are human.... and again, he is rude and hurtful about it.

"It's so sad for both of us. You can't be enough for me just like I can't be what you need. Pathetic." This bit-

Just a heartbeat put of place and knots in the throat were enough for Aizetsu to figure it out, and he didn't like it.

Humans are meant to die, besides, he can't be the husband you would need.

Still, he takes the chance of comfort, to pretend for both of you. He manipulates you into feeling pity for him, and that is how the relationship is formed.

He does kill you, painless and softly conforting you first, the second it becomes a problem.

He will also let you have your last words and wishes, will tell you that he wishes he could have been husband material for you.

He makes a memorial, kisses your corpse goodbye before leaving you behind.

"This is so sad."

Nakime:

Truth be told, she is not surprised.

She can see the appeal in you, she has always prefered women over men, Muzan being the exception, even if he is the exception of many things.

Nakime is very lenient with you, she understands that, as a human, you are more fragile than her, so she must treat you carefully.

She would not put you above Muzan, but she takes care of you, gives you gifts, spends time with you, praises you. You are a lovely lady to her.

Still, unless he approves she will not be transforming you. If he does, she will without any second thought or opinion.

The breaking deal is the next one, she kidnaps you for a while and the leaves you safely at your home. She controls all the interactions.

Why should she listen to you? She adores you, but you are still a human, nothing worth her obedience.

She would not kill you, no matter what. The only way you could die like this is suicide, age or ilness.

Then again, at the end Muzan decides to let her turn you, so he bleeds into a cup and feeds you ger blood, not letting you out until you do.

Akaza:

It starts when Akaza accidently calls you "Koyuki..." the first time you met. He fell hard and fast, and in a painful way.

He begged you to stay, not really knowing why. He cried, grabbed your legs as his knees stayed on the floor.

He needs you, craves for you, to the point of obsession. It takes him a while for him to realize he could turn you into a demon, because part of him venerates the image of a human girl with pink eyes and cheeks.

He can't hurt you when you deny him, but he wants to. He needs to, you have to understand why you should want to be a demon. Why you should want to be forever young, strong and healthy, to stay in the way things were before the poison in the well.

At the same time, he wants to take care of you, and he starts inviting himself to your house, doing the chores and watching you sleep.

He doesn't understand why he is always cheking your temperature and if you are breathing correctly, there is something relieving but also off putting when you always are ok. As if you should be sick.

Maybe part of him wants you to be sick so he can take care of you, but he can't hurt you.

You can't get rid of him, no matter how much you try, he always ends tucking you to bed and forcing you to stay in there until you sleep. He never listens, always treat you as if you were fragile and sick.

He learns how to make your favorites, cleans the house and laundry, starts getting money and pretends to nurse you, even if you don't have anything.

He doesn't know how to feel when you die of age, it's the only way you could die like this, but he breaks. Again.

Sometimes he still calls you Koyuki.

Douma:

Douma starts comparing you with Kotoha and his mother, he is quite vocal about it.

He tells you how silly you are, that his mom and Kotoha were the same, but each of you had your charm.

Yes, "had". He mostly talks about you in past tense, ge is planning to eat you soon. Kotoha almost scaped him and his mother became "too irrational, killed my father with a knife but poisoned herself" with time, so he wants to spare you the chase.

He talks about your face, your eyes, your hair and skin, mostly, he does things he did with Kotoha, hoping to make you laugh. Simple pleasures, not meant to last.

Both women left him, he is 100% sure you would if he gave you the chance, so he doesn't. He kept you by his side for some months, at most.

You are fun to be with, and he is sure he is fun to be around with too... maybe. Not that it matters, you don't really have a choice. Your words against his.

Also, turning you into a demon would give you the chance to run away while he is in a meeting with the other moons. How silly and stupid would it be from him!

He has made his mind to eat you the second he notices that, whatever he is feeling, this lust hunger, this craving, is like Kotoha's.

Because of his experience with her, he will make sure it's in his room, to make it right this time. Also, he will break your leg first, so you can run, coveribg your mouth and cooing you as you try to scream.

He will eat your tongue and lips first, complimenting the taste and texture, in a soft kiss, not really caring if you want it or not. That way you won't be able to formulate your screams for help.

He starts eating you from below, wanting to finish with your head and eyes since he had to blow Kotoha's. He doesn't want to repreat the regret of ruining such a pretty face.

Douma takes his time with you, talking softly and gently, praising you you taste and feel in his mouth, praising how you look.

He is more than satisfied after he finished, stomach full and you forever inside of him. Lovely.

Kokushibou:

This is the first time in his life that he wants the attention of a woman that isn't his mother.

He never felt attracted to women (or anyone, even if he always felt more in place sharing his life with other men), his wife included, he married her as his duty of producing heirs.

Having a woman by his side has always been a responsibility at best, a chore at worst.

But he wants you, and he can't understand it. It's new and confusing, that is the only reason he notices a few days after he catched feelings. Because loving women, wanting women, it's not normal for him.

He watches you, even yearns for you, but his pride and confusion don't make him do anything.

He blames you, resents you, calls you "a temptress" in his mind. What have you done to him? At least he doesn't conpare you to his his brother, but his other relationship with women don't let him relate you to a pleasure.

You are also human, meant to die like his mother and wife did, meant to be remember just as someone's husband and mother. Why are you stealing his attention, then? There is nothings special about you.

But this way it's easier to pretend he doesn't care the moment you die, easier than with Yoriich.

You are lovely, he keeps you around, but besides that? You are just a woman. A pause from his life as a samurai demon at best, a distraction at worst.

He will resent you after you die, but he will also forget you the same way he forgot about the other women in his life. There are only two people in his life with any importance, one was a boy to a man, the other is his King and Master. Women were never important in his life.

#demon slayer #kny #upper moons #kny x reader #karaku #urogi #aizetsu #sekido #gyutaro #hantengu #daki #gyokko #nakime #akaza #douma #kokushibou #female reader #this is royally fucked up #x2

134 notes · View notes

vampyrial · 1 year

Text

A World For Her Alone | Suffer Does The Wolf

Chapter 1 Chapter 2 Chapter 3 Chapter 4 Chapter 5 Chapter 6 Chapter 7 Chapter 8 Chapter 9 Chapter 10 Chapter 11 Chapter 12 Chapter 13 Chapter 14

cw (chapter specific): pregnancy loss, infidelity, abuse, suicide, childbirth, vomiting, dubcon, nothing good happens

pairing: claude x fem!reader

summary: Claude will never be able to save you but that doesn't mean he can stop trying.

He woke with a start, looking about the room as if the blood and carnage could follow him. But all he could see was his familiar dreary bedroom even though he could still feel the pain in his arm, even though he still felt disoriented from the carriage crash, even though he felt the phantom warmth of Diana in his arms. This life struck a stark contrast to the others. Before, Felix was the only one to ever kill him and for reasons clear as day. But who was this stranger in the woods?

The assailants of the forest were not ordinary criminals. They didn’t seem at all interested in what money or jewelry he and Diana had. They did not search the carriage, their eyes never even met the brooch on his cravat or the ruby necklace around Diana’s neck. Who were they? No, more importantly – who was the swordsman with unbridled joy in his expression as he cut his head off? Could they have been comrades of Felix’s, seeking retribution? He could have sworn something about the swordsman felt familiar, only he couldn’t figure out why exactly. He told himself that he’d have to be careful, he’d have to watch for them but it was half hearted. What was the point of saving his own life? If he could do anything in this life, he wanted to find a way to save you from himself.

So valiant it sounded to him but the reality of the matter never left him. He knew he likely wouldn’t be able to do either of those things anyway. There was no choice to begin with. His life was out of his hands. He’d been given over to darkness ages ago. There was nothing he could do to avoid becoming paralyzed in his own body. It had already been done. Sure as the sun would rise every morning, he would always be given over to a force greater than himself. This moment of control only existed as an illusion, it only existed so that he could be put back into his place.

He would never be able to save you. He would never be able to stop trying. He would watch you die again and again for so long that the lives would blur together and no longer be distinguishable. This, he was sure, was ordained by god. He had never been pious, he was always much too arrogant for it. Even now, he held to the last shred of it, the deluded belief in himself that helped him pretend there was a chance this time could end differently.

And so he began again. The moment he saw Diana again, he was overcome with grief and intrusive love that needled its way deep into his mind. He was stifled. He could finally breathe. He was regretful, he wanted to pull her into his arms and beg her forgiveness for letting her die. He wished she’d died before this meeting. Her life was so fragile. It was precious. It was a burden.

It seemed there was nowhere he could take refuge from Diana. She’d started going to the academy, her health was better this time. She was so happy to get the chance that she nearly floated to her first class and Claude’s heart stalled to see her so vibrant. But when the classes let out for lunch she was walking alone, the roses were taken from her cheeks, she looked somber, nervous. He could not help what came over him again, he went to her. Her big, ruby eyes looked up at him in surprise, wiping away all the shyness in them. “Lord Claude?”

“Just Claude. No titles. We’re to be family and family has no need for formalities.” Family. How could he say such things with a straight face? Never mind the fact that it wasn’t true in and of itself, not of your family and certainly not of his.

A pittance of a smile rose to Diana’s face. “Claude,” She tested out calling him only by his name and an inevitable thrill stung his heart. She must have felt it too, for her he could see the affection clouding her gaze.

“What’s wrong? You were looking troubled.”

“Well…” She hesitated and for some reason, this reminded him of you. It was like pulling teeth to get you to ever admit something was wrong and when you finally did, it was with your eyes to the floor in embarrassment. The reminder of you made his chest ache, it felt like the edge of Felix’s sword as it first broke his skin. But Diana spoke again and cut off all resemblance, obfuscated the pain of memory. “I underestimated how hard it is to go here, I don’t know anyone and I don’t have any classes with my sister. The work is hard, I don’t know if I’ll ever catch up.” Diana was not you. She never hesitated to make her feelings known. She had probably never been made to feel shameful of being human. A sudden and intense hate rose from within his truest self, though he didn’t know who it was meant for. Your parents who blatantly, egregiously favored Diana over you? Or Diana herself for…for simply being as she was? For making him feel this way?

Still, his love for her had fallen over him, smothered him. It seemed almost primordial, as if the love of her had always been and it was the Claude inside who was formed around it. It was more than inevitable, it was written into his very being. He was running desperately from something that was inside him all along. That would be until he was no more. This darkness lived before him, he was born to it. It wrapped itself around him and cradled him like a mother. It sung out in a honeyed voice, “there is nothing more for you than her.”

And so her pitiful troubles struck him deeply. “I’ll help you. If you’d like, we can sit together at lunch and go over your assignments.”

She brightened again and like a child who knew no modesty, she accepted without pretense at first. But then she remembered something Claude was certain both of them had wanted to ignore. “What about my sister? Will she mind?” She asked. He couldn’t keep himself from frowning at the mention of her. His greater self reviled the interruption in his break in reality. They usually had an unspoken agreement between them not to mention you but with eyes all around, it was impossible not to remember what they were. What other people must think when they see the two together.

“Of course not. She prefers to eat alone.” It wasn’t true, of course. You had always been pleased to spend time with him. In previous lives, he had simply avoided eating with you much of the time to the point where at lunch you did not even make a half hearted attempt. You knew what the answer was before the question left your lips and you simply left to eat alone, in some abandoned corner of the gardens. It was no matter. You could be left alone, you knew how to be alone. Diana needed someone. It couldn’t be you so it would be him. A sense of what was perhaps pride filled his chest. It felt righteous and gallant of him.

He swept her away to the dining hall, they walked so close their hands occasionally brushed against each other’s. People were looking at the two and he could hear them whisper when they walked by. He’d always hated being around other nobles, always simpering and gossiping. Although he knew that even before this all began, he had never been excellent at being human, he was certain that his fellow aristocrats were even worse at it than he was. Everything was up for grabs, fodder for the entertainment of others, everything from an alleged affair to murder. It was all very detached and uncharitable as if they were only speaking of nebulous people whose lives had long since become nothing more than stories. He felt the humiliation that exacerbated the dehumanization deep inside but what darkness surrounded him warmed at Diana’s company. It thought of nothing but her. He could be suddenly plunged into a circle of hell as payment for his many wasted lives and he’d only think to wonder if Diana had judged him as a good man; if wherever she was, she went to bed believing he’d go on to a sweeter afterlife.

His shoulder brushed against another student’s in the hall, a flash of black hair passed him by and sent a chill down his spine but he kept walking his fated path. He could not turn his head to see if he’d met his killer again but for what it was worth, he doubted finding him would have ever been so easy. As he entered the dining hall and scoped out a secluded table, it occurred to him to wonder how he would die this time around. Maybe this time, if she died before you did…

Diana opened her mouth and it became harder to hold onto that thought, it seemed to slip through his fingers. The more they spoke, the quieter his voice became. It was so eerie to speak lightly of schoolwork with a girl he’d seen murdered twice over. He’d seen her sullied by blood, dirt and terror. Now she was safe next to him and everything seemed unreal. There was the feeling of being pushed aside, out of his own body. He was losing himself, ebbing out of the wound in his chest with no way back inside.

He felt himself warm with the simple joy of having her near. He felt his expression lift from its usual seriousness. “I think you can catch up to your classmates but you’ll have to put in some effort.”

“Of course. Though, I really wouldn’t know where to start.” Diana’s brow furrowed, littered around the table were reading lists, syllabuses and assignments due the following week.

“If you want…” He sacrificed the last of his dignity failing to stop himself from finishing that sentence. “I could help you with everything. I could study with you.”

A hope blossomed in Diana’s eyes that he had not seen since the tea party where they’d made a promise. “Really?” Her voice was so tentative, so sweet that it actually hurt him to think of denying her.

“Yes. I can make time after classes end. We can start today, if you like.” On days where he was not meeting with you, he typically trained for several hours after getting home from the academy, spent a few more hours working on whatever tasks for the marquisate were delegated to him which left him with a slim space to simply relax. Doing this could only make that space smaller. He couldn’t remember a time since he was first able to hold a sword that he wasn’t tired, all of him ached for rest, he always had. He had been waiting to truly rest since he was ten. But what did any of that matter? He had always been dutiful and this was the one task which would bring him joy simply in and of itself.

When lunch was over, Claude walked her out of the dining hall, his hand on the small of her back to gently navigate her through the swarm of students leaving. Diana clung to his arm, squeezing closer their bodies closer together to let someone by. However, neither of them let go even when they had passed the crowd. It couldn’t be helped, it couldn’t be helped. Was that what he’d say at the end of his life this time? It could not be helped, he loved her dearly and that was a force in and of itself that could not be denied.

It was Diana who had spotted you, returning from the garden. Her cheeks had turned bright red. She quickly separated herself from him, which Claude might have laughed at if his body were his own. So embarrassed to be caught touching her future brother-in-law and yet brazen enough to be doing it at the school she also attended of all places. Such a stupid girl she was, he had built a hatred of her where before there had been none. Before, he had not even considered her existence. He only ever met her out of formality but it would have been just as well if he never did. Because his love for her was so intense, it could only be met with the strongest hatred he could muster out of dregs of what he was. All of his grief turned to hatred for her and for himself. The love of her had made him sick, made him mad, brought him hell in his own home. Why wasn’t she dead? Why was she healthy? Why wasn’t she dying quietly in her bed? Why could she not have died before they ever got to meet at that stupid tea party?

“Your next class is this way too, right? Should we go together?” Diana asked, nervously. Your face became a mask at that. He scrutinized you, the detached disdain he had for you was waiting to fall onto him with one word from you. He’d not have any of the harassment you brought on other ladies directed toward Diana simply for having lunch with him.

But you smiled, a false smile that kept the darkness at bay. “Of course.” He wondered if Diana even knew how affected your voiced sounded in that moment, was she enough of a sister to you to know when you were putting yourself aside for her?

“I hope to see you again soon, Lady Diana,” He heard himself say, not even bothering to address you. He turned and left for his next class. “Good,” A voice from the dark. “No harm should come to her, not even by the hands of her elder sister.”

The days were short because he spent so much time with Diana. He didn’t know what it was about this life, but he could swear he spent more time with her in this one than he ever had before. It felt sick and rapturous, it was like the cloying, syrupy medicine the doctor had given him when he was injured in training once. He felt open, his very being had softened to the world itself because of Diana. He was rotting inside and his very being had begun to show his dread upon waking because of Diana. Even if he couldn’t express it outwardly, even the joy couldn’t obscure the steady drip of misery he sustained himself on. In a strange way, he was relieved for it. It reminded him that she had not always been in his heart. His love for you refused to be forgotten and as a result, the person he was never submitted to the greater self. This pain was visceral, he needed it like water.

He surprised himself when he took you on an outing to the botanical gardens. It was just obligatory, because Diana had thought to pull from him slightly so that he could tend to you like he should have been doing. It was a tentative offering, it was “I know that I betray my sister daily but do you not see me trying to resist?” It was pathetic. Even so, his greater self had not objected the thought of spending time with you, in this life you were far more tolerable. You spoke not a word of complaint against him when he spent hours with your sister at a time, behind his back you had even tried to cover them against rumor after rumor when before you would have made a scene. You could have moped in unearned despair and jealousy over Diana, you could have lashed out at her for eating lunch with him like you would have done before but instead you allowed Diana to have what she deserved in graceful apathy. You finally seemed to know how to behave.

He tried to enjoy the date as much as he could but it was too sweet to believe, your apathetic expression had even cracked a bit to reveal just a sliver of happiness. It was a tender moment he did not deserve. And he was painfully aware of that every moment, he had no tears but he might have cried at how unsure your happiness was. Happiness from something so small as him doing exactly as he should, taking you out to spend time at a place you enjoy. If he could have freed his body just in that moment, to apologize, to tell you how he really felt, it would have been worth dying right where he stood. He knew the moment would not last. He would live to hurt you again.

On your wedding day, the weather was appropriately miserable. Hope had deserted him, it had vanished in both sides of himself. The mirage of an oasis that had kept him company in the barren wilds had deserted him, leaving him somehow worse off, alone with the reality of his dire situation. When he first set eyes on you in white, you seemed almost unearthly. A beautiful apparition. He had seen you in your wedding dress so many times, he knew it was odd to look at you as though for the first time but he couldn’t help it. You, right then in the glow of candlelight looking holy, were the loveliest sight in all of his many lives. He could not hold back the thought that he would live to destroy this moment for the both of you.

He heard himself say words rehearsed to the point of blind recitation. He hated the words, the greater self defied them by conjuring the image of Diana on the terrance after dark, bathed in moonlight. “I swear in the name of my good house, to love and honor you for as long as you shall live. Never will you be disgraced by any action or inaction of mine.” He doubted he could have said the words with any more sincerity if he had his own voice anyway. Perhaps it was just as well that it wasn’t him saying the words, he could never have managed to hold his composure as he looked into your eyes knowing that you could remember looking into his as he grasped your throat.

After the ceremony, when the guests were free to roam around drinking expensive wine and gossiping, he caught a glimpse of Diana over your shoulder and was yet again besotted as if the first time. He tried to focus his eyes on you but it was no use. She was positively shining in the scarce silver light that passed between clouds. Somehow the fact that she had managed to smile and radiate such warmth on such a day that must have been devastating to her made her all the more lovable. A pity unfurled in his heart that felt the same as his love. Oh, Diana. He had not even considered how hard this day would be for her, he was too self absorbed. She was made to watch the man she loved give his promise to another at a ceremony that symbolized the binding of their lives and fates together. She could not dwell in dreams of him anymore without being reminded, it would only be harder when children were born to them. Still, she shone brightly, exuberant in her love of both of you.

He forgot himself. “So beautiful…” He murmured. Words that drew the vague horror inside him from its pathetic stillness back to its desperate lashing. He saw you react immediately, you had heard him. He saw your face take on the sweetest look, as if so happy and surprised that your now husband should think of you as beautiful. He saw your face fall when you looked behind you and realized who the words were really for. “Stranger, if you must come for my life…” He thought, “Come now.”

Obligation to the crown soon took him away from home for a while. He couldn’t have left sooner. This time, all his letters were Diana. Not so much as a rushed, perfunctorily done letter for you. He could leave you to care for the marquisate, you could hold your own. He saw no reason to burden himself on top of everything else. But Diana sent her perfumed letter and he sent his replies. That much was different, it was what he needed to get through such tedious and draining work. They were all he thought of, all he wanted for. Diana wrote more frequently when he had mentioned in one of his replies that he read them over and over to fall asleep. His superior laughed when he called Claude’s name each time as he distributed letters among the knights, ribbing him about being newlywed. He thought the letters were from the new marchioness and how could he correct him?

Diana’s letters grew increasingly intimate, she expressed such a longing for him that he dreamed of sneaking away in the night even though such an act was treasonous. “Claude, I don’t know what there is to do without you. I thought it would be good not to see you for a while after the wedding, some time to cool off and accept things as they are. But I haven’t, I don’t think I can. I’ve been treating the love I have for you as though it’s a fever to break but no matter what I do, I cannot let go.” Those were the words that disintegrated whatever ease her letters had injected into his life away from home. He hated it, every moment spent here. He needed to see her again so much that he was sure it would show in everything he did. He was sure that you’d only have to look at him to know what he was struggling to hide.

Throughout the next two years, his absence in the manor was even more pronounced than in lives past. Because when he returned from his duties, he went to Diana’s side. He would always remember the cloying scent of Diana’s room. Even when he bathed upon returning home, he swore he could still smell it lingering on his skin. Her touch could not be forgotten.

He had not realized the depth of his desire for her until he set eyes on her again. Until he saw her in the flesh. A carnal and intrusive desire hung over his head precariously. She’d been in her nightgown this time, fresh from sleep, eyes soft and dreamy. It was morning, she was slowly getting ready and she’d not expected his visit but he could not help himself, it was a wonder he had even lasted the night. In the white of the morning sun shining through the cover of clouds, he could see the outline of her body plainly. His voice dried up in his throat. Desire, until then distinct, waiting to be claimed, finally reached over him and sealed his fate.

It is a strange thing for the body to yearn for things the mind opposes. When he reached for Diana, he felt a dread so strong that it became him. He understood what was meant to happen and he fought against his own body desperately, trying to assume control over it. But no amount of exertion ever made a difference, he was made to feel Diana’s body beneath his hands, her lips against his. No matter what he wanted, the greater force moved his body to its own desires. Even when inside, he was screaming at the scene unfolding before his eyes with his own body as its star.

His body was not his own but even so, he had to feel how it moved, what pleasure unfurled within him as his bare skin lay against Diana’s. It was a sick feeling of humiliation, of intrusion that juxtaposed the arousal which heated his body. His whims reduced to nothing in the face of her bare body. The inevitability of this act, it was a monumentally difficult thing for him to accept but what else could he do? Could he lay paralyzed and aware in his own body as he could only watch what was being done? No, the anguish of that would kill as surely as the sword that felled his head. Instead, he seemed to leave his body. Instead he let go of his body, he allowed it to take all it pleased as he visited elsewhere. He seemed to drift upwards toward the ceiling where he watched the act transpire more objectively. From that view, he could imagine it was not him who was driving himself into a moaning, gasping Diana, it was some other man. Yes, it must be, for Claude was not in that body, he was adrift.

When returned, he was holding her against his sweaty body beneath the sheets. Her scent clung to his skin. “I love you, Claude. I was never prepared to resist,” she said. She was trembling slightly as the heat of desire passed and left them only with the gravity of what they had done. “But we cannot allow this to happen again.” He held her closer against his chest and nodded numbly. He knew he would come to her again. This thing, it stole even dignity from him, even love.

Claude and Diana laid together again and again. And again and again. Despite their promises the first few times that it’d never happen again, that they couldn’t, shouldn’t, musn’t. It was always him who set aside these promises first, seducing her instead, he’d said on one occasion with his lips against her neck, “I don’t love her, I can’t. You are the first and last woman I will ever love. The moment you and I first met, we both knew we weren’t just going to be in-laws. Haven’t we done enough pretending?” Her will melted under her desire. His was buried under another’s.

Then came the day Diana revealed herself to be pregnant. He thought himself to be dead inside but the moment those uncertain words left her lips, he found that he still had hope enough to destroy. He was in agony. A child between he and Diana when he knew you had never even gotten to name your own? It was a pain that had followed you into your previous life, searching for a child you’d never hold again. How could he be fit to have a child like this when he had abandoned the one born of his failure? Now, it seemed, he had a child of his shame too. Would he love this child of Diana where he’d been unable to love yours? It was unfair, he knew and he could do nothing, nothing at all to erase it.

He knew that in his misfortune, this child would be born. He would hear himself reveal it to you and watch you crack apart as you lived between haunted memory of your daughter whose name remained elusive because of him and the child of Diana who would surely be loved. As its mother was.

Diana begged him not to reveal anything until later on, she was uncertain in her ability to carry a child to term and if she could not, what would the reveal be worth? Nothing but more pain to gather up around hers. He was bound to the secret until she was rather far along and sure that she would give birth. Even your parents knew before you did, they kept her secret and shielded her from rumors as much as they could. Their loyalties always belonged to Diana but this was egregious. They refused to even condemn their son-in-law for having an affair with his wife’s sister. Instead, they only shrewdly suggested that he take responsibility by annulling his marriage to you and take Diana as his wife since, of course, she was the one with his child.

The greater force had not decided whether he would or would not, for even though he loved Diana, he had married you for a reason. You were the one capable of what the marquisate required. His innermost self could only recoil, seeking escape from the whole situation even as he lived in it. Desperately seeking to dissociate from the pain he would live to cause. He hid deep within worthless flesh inside the cold corner of his mind which belonged to him in the same way a cell belonged to the prisoner who lived and died in it.

But it did not save him.

When Diana was almost eight months along, he brought her to the manor. She would have it done no sooner. She was ill from the strain of carrying their child in her womb and ill from the stress of the secret, of the inevitable fallout. Her bump was quite small even now, her condition could be made slightly more obscure with the right cut of dress and a coat. Her skin was pale and her hand trembled in his as they reached the salon where you were having tea. He let go of her when you looked up at them and approached you warily, slowly.

“It isn’t Diana’s fault.” The nonsensical words came out of his lips instantly, above reason, he needed to protect Diana as he always had.

You, with your flat, lifeless eyes seemed to stiffen with anticipation of his next words. “Is there something wrong?” You asked. Oh, his heart broke to hear the concern in your voice, the eagerness to help him.

“Diana is pregnant.” He would rather have died right there than witness what those words would do to you but there was no other will than that of his greater self.

A teapot fell from your hands onto the floor, making a loud clang which Diana flinched at. “Who’s the father?”

With bile in his throat he answered. “I am.”

These words seem to break you, it cracked open the mask you hid your contempt and grief behind. It revealed a frail woman whose eyes shone with unshed tears and whose lips trembled as she tried to speak. You lost what little held you together. All you could ask was “Why?”

He wanted to answer with. “Because I was devoured by this thing which impersonates me.” But instead he said “Because I love her,” shameless as an arrogant little prince. The thoughts flooded in, he was taking control over his own life, he was proud of himself for standing up for what he wanted. It was ridiculous, almost to the point of hilarity. Who was he standing up to? A fragile woman who looked as though she were at the verge of losing her mind? His wife who asked so little of him?

Your eyes glazed over and there was no doubt in his mind that you were remembering your daughter. You screamed and he thought of your daughter, unwilling to be soothed after losing her mother. You fell onto the ground, eyes on the floor as if it could open up and reveal to you what had already been lost.

“I’m sorry, big sister.” Diana mumbled and he felt sick to his stomach as his attention turned to her, leading her to the couch to sit. Covering her ears as if this wasn’t her sorrow to witness, she should have had to hear her sister’s screams. She should have to bear witness to what she had done to her own flesh and blood. He had covered her ears as if the noise were only an inconvenience to Diana rather than the cacophonous song of her doing.

Your nails dug into your skin so hard there was blood gathering beneath them. Your screams came like waves, faltering here and there between whimpers and sobs but returning. “Stay here, I’ll take her upstairs,” He said to Diana, calmly, dissonant as if this had nothing to do with either of them. As if he shouldn’t be on the floor begging her forgiveness, telling her that he’d met their daughter and he could never acknowledge another child. The child in Diana’s womb would be born to the darkness that moved him.

He brought you to your bedroom, his uncaring touch stilling you, anchoring you to the dreadful reality he had created. He left you there in your room even as your screams reached out to him through the door, to tend the mother of his child in this life. Diana had her face in her hands when he returned, he sat down next to her and put his arm around her, bringing her softly weeping face to his chest. He stayed there until she calmed. They slept in his room together, she wouldn’t suffer being alone in such a situation. His hands warming her skin, his sweet words of false assurance in her ear allowed her to fall sleep. He stayed awake, watching her with all of a husband’s concern for his wife. Everything Diana had belonged to you, was misappropriated for the wrong woman. Did she know that? If she did, would she care? Not the kind of care that would make her shed a few tears and words of regret, the kind that would eat her alive as it had done him. He doubted it.

She clung to him in sleep as if she would fall apart without her comfort, while having left another woman broken.

Come morning, Diana wanted to take a tray of breakfast from the kitchen up to your room. She already navigated the manor as if she were its mistress. Perhaps subconsciously, she felt she would be. Maybe she even thought that was the way things had to be. Was she already justifying it to herself? She walked with her hand protectively on her belly as if wanting to shield her child from her own wrongdoing. He wanted to tell her it was too late for that.

When the two reached your door, Diana knocked. “Sister?” She called, hesitantly. “Are you awake?’ When no answer came, she simply opened the door and called out your name. The stench of vomit hit them and before he could tell her not to, Diana rushed in. He followed behind her as she raced to your bedside and he was overcome with unspeakable grief. The sheets were covered in vomit which had run down the side of your bed onto the floor. A bottle of sleeping tonic lay in the middle of the mess, your hand still slightly cupped as if you’d been holding it and your lips stained the same hue as its contents. You lay motionless on the bed. Diana gasped and took hold of your shoulders, shaking you, trying to call the life back into you.

The grief turned to hate, turned to rage and he wanted to throw Diana aside so that she’d stop touching you. Stop handling you so harshly as if she had any right. Hadn’t she done enough? What made her think she was going to save you? In the piercing moment of loss, he wanted nothing more than to follow you. He didn’t think he could hold to reality any longer, but he knew would. He had no other choice. What misfortune to not even be able to go mad in the face of something like this, to always be aware of the enormous pain belonging to both of you. What misfortune to never be in control, remaining unable to even apologize. He held her shoulders and gently pulled her away as she went into shock.

Diana had begun to hyperventilate as he held onto her, she clutched at her stomach and cried out as if pained. “Diana?” he called to her, panicked. She did not respond, she stared at your dead body as if it were the only thing in the room. With the sight of you, chased into the grave by her actions, she was gripped by anguish strong enough to render her inconsolable. The fear, the guilt, the horror of this knowledge and the stress that it put on her, spurred her into labor too soon. She cried out, doubling over as the pain returned. He called out to the servants in the hall, preparing for the day. “We need help in here!”

The servants ran to swarm around Diana, gently leading her into another room. “Please, my lady, you must calm yourself!” a maid cried as they went down the hall. No one bothered seeing if there was anything that could be done for you. No one seemed to take a second look at your body. They were busy tending Diana. She was the one with his precious child, after all and you were the one with nothing. Even if they could bring the life back into you, what would they be saving? What use would you be? Claude took one last look at you before he followed after her. Even in death, you’d been neglected and even now he would abandon you.

The labor ended quickly, that was the most merciful thing that could be said about it. Diana gave birth to a small, stillborn boy. He’d been at her side the whole time, clutching her hand. The boy was small enough to be held in one of his hands. Diana was inconsolable, sobbing and screaming out her pain at the loss of their son. After he was taken away from the room, she shrugged off Claude’s touch, it only seemed to further upset her. She begged for him to leave the room, still in tears. And he could do nothing else. His heart was hollow.

Diana entered a sort of catatonic state. Barely eating or drinking and avoiding his presence. His greater mind was inundated with grief but what did he feel inside, at his core? How was he to know? One pain rolled into the other, one grief was much like another. You had gone to your grave with the knowledge that he’d given another woman a child where you had lost yours. Now this child had been lost and both he and Diana stained in your blood with no child in their arms that might’ve allowed them to pretend it had been worth it. To what end? What kind of fate was this?

He understood what Diana must have been feeling, he had no choice but to. He was meant to be her other half, pulled on a string by some nebulous force’s yearnings for her. Her sister killed herself because the man she so dearly, so dutifully loved had an affair with her sister and there was a child between them, that much was tragedy enough. But even that could be accepted, that much guilt swallowed in the face of a very precious, much wanted child. It wouldn’t be right to say that the life she’d bring forth would be worth the death she caused but it would be something to hold to. When she looked at the child in her arms, she could put aside her guilt and regrets. She would have to put her shame aside, swapping it for the love of a mother. She could fool herself into believing it was a strange sort of fate, her greatest happiness whose birth she would never take back had to come from her greatest sadness. Through the love of her child, she could find a way to let go of the regret. Something new and good would come forth to occupy her time, her love. But her child had died and she was alone with the guilt. Her sister died because of her and nothing had come from it but grief.

He understood too that Diana must have seen their son in his face and if it were up to him, he’d have gladly stayed away from her. He had enough grief to last lifetimes, what place did he have trying to ease hers when he had not even figured out how to do it for himself? Even so, the thoughts that ran concurrent to his own, stronger and louder, wanted nothing more than to comfort her. It wounded him that she was in no state to accept his comfort and he wanted to keep trying. He needed her comfort and he desperately needed to take care of her. He felt powerless when he couldn’t. He might’ve smiled at that, if only he could. Foolish. How foolish a man his greater self was.

It was weeks later when Diana finally let him in. A maid had come to his door on some unworthy night saying that the lady wished to see him. He came to her immediately, easily mollified by the simple act of her wanting him again. Out of the darkness came forth thoughts that they could still marry, could still have a child together even if it would never fill the void their son had left. We could still be happy, sung the darkness.

When he came to her bedside, she looked as she had in other lives when her health had failed but she smiled at him. “I’ve been thinking of our son.” Her voice was faint and fond, though it wavered slightly. “What if…he died as retribution for what we did?” Claude started to object. Even his lesser self was certain that this was probably the only tragedy he’d experienced thus far that wasn’t given as punishment. But she held up a hand. “Please, please just let me finish. He and my sister both were made to die because of we did. When I was still….with child, I thought everything would be alright, so long as I had you. I thought nothing could touch us. The hard part was over, my child was determined to live despite my weak constitution and I had nearly eight anxious months behind me to prove it. I thought my sister would come around somehow…I thought…I don’t know. I just didn’t think she’d ever react that way. Even if she wouldn’t forgive me.” Tears rolled down her wan cheeks.

“We never thought of anything but each other, did we? We didn’t even think of what we would be bringing a child into.” Her smile now resembled a grimace, she didn’t look at him. “I felt guilty for everything but I believed we couldn’t help it, we were so in love that we had to be together. I always softened it like that, you know? I sweetened it by likening us to my favorite romance novels, I believed that fate was on our side. I believed in the kind of love that was stronger than anything and I never thought I’d know a greater pain than not having you.” Her hands anxiously fidgeted with the threads on the sheets. “I…I think it’s time for me to return home,” she mumbled.

He murmured his discontent in soft words meant to coax her back even as his heart, the false one, was breaking. But Diana shook her head. “I’ll leave in the morning, I just— I need time.” She sounded slightly apologetic but it was clear she would not be argued with. He knew that she’d never return. How could she? There was too much blood between them now. This was their swan song. It struck him like a blow to the chest but it only made the contrast between his two selves that much more apparent. In that cold corner he reserved for the person he used to be, sometime, some place, ages ago, worlds away— he breathed a sigh of relief.

In the morning, Diana left and the darkness unwound. It retreated into the air, returning his body to him too late. When he realized this, the first thing he did was cry for you. He hadn’t been able to before, he could do nothing but mourn the shambles of his relationship with Diana. Everything was Diana and the child they’d lost. He had been forced to stew in grief but in all reality, he felt relieved in some small measure. It was a sick thought that shamed him like everything else but it was there, hiding beneath misery. He was relieved never to have to give that a child a name knowing he’d never done for yours. To give that child a love that he hadn’t been able to spare for yours.

But at the end of everything, you were dead. Gone to your grave thinking that he had done everything he’d never do for your child. Why couldn’t he ever save you? Or if not save you, then spare you this agony somehow, send you to death eternal. Why were the two of you forever trapped in this repetition? He cried for your memory, your lonely grave next to the unnamed baby boy who’d been born to the darkness that killed you again and again. He came undone, succumbed to the helplessness and dejection of his station finally. He mired in that grief. He refused to undercut it with drink or with self platitudes. He did not even stir up rage to combat the relentlessness of his own mourning. There was nothing more for him than the blood that trailed behind each and every life of his.

Eventually, when he’d grown numb, he made the decision to die again. That seemed to be an unspoken promise, the only one he could keep— that he’d always follow you into each life and each death. He drank too much sleeping tonic as you had and fell to an ungentle journey toward death. He retched and writhed in his sheets from the sharp pains. He struggled to breathe, to even move with the heaviness of his limbs. It was a wonder he had been able to turn on his side and avoid choking on his vomit. Only when he was spewing bile did his eyelids begin to droop and his consciousness fade. His addled mind conjured the image of your body lying next to him, already long gone. He reached his fingers toward the mirage, and curled them around the hand of your specter.

tags: @kage-tobiuo@kreishin @rosephantomhive@yeahdrarry@splaterparty0-0 @dear-dairiesss @qluvrv @hafsuhhh @eissaaaa @ayolk @doan-19 @fourcefulcupid@ariachaos@cerisearan@irisspade@yaesflorist@jcrml@xiaosprettygf@yevenly@amaris08atoshi012022 @obsessed-with-a-fictional-man @softbummiee@cassanderasblog @waka-babe @bananatwirl@s1mp69 @mitsuyamistress @hottiewifeyyyy @reiko69 @syyyy4ever @pinkpastel-l @dododododooosworld @gwyneveire

#claude x reader #wmmap x reader #claude de alger x reader #claude de alger obelia x reader #wmmap fanfic

295 notes · View notes

vessels-two-front-teeth · 16 days

Text

Sleep Token Lore theory

From the pov of someone deeply interested in psychology and a survivor of narcissistic abuse.

Warnings: mentions of narcissistic abuse, brief mentions of suicidal ideation, alcohol use.

Disclaimer: my idea of what all of it means is less in the esoteric direction and based more on my opinions of some of Vessel’s personal experiences. I’m basing all of this on lyrical content, the evolution of his masks, how he behaves on stage, and my own personal experience. I will not mention any of his previous work or related individuals. I will keep this as neutral as possible out of respect for all of their privacy.

1. The deity of Sleep: I believe that Sleep is less of an actual deity (I know it’s mostly a marketing gimmick), and more of a metaphor for someone that Vessel used to be in a relationship with. This person was very toxic and likely abusive in some manner. They also definitely had a god complex. In my opinion they most likely displayed a lot of narcissistic tendencies, such as love bombing, denying responsibility, manipulating, lies, mind games, and other such things. Emotional and psychological abuse are very likely. People who display narcissistic traits tend to worm their way into the minds of their targets. They prey on their insecurities, weaponizing them. Hence “my insecurities surround me like lions in a den.” This person met Vessel, noticed the things he was probably already insecure about and deliberately poked at those wounds, making them worse. This person also probably made efforts to isolate Vessel from the rest of his family and friends, making him dependent on them and them alone. If you have no one else to turn to, you are much less likely to try to escape.

2. Vessel’s part in the toxicity: in multiple lyrics from different songs Vessel expresses deep all consuming guilt over the way that he acted in this relationship. Being in a relationship with a narcissist will change you into a different person, but who you become depends on who you are to start with. Some people become more argumentative and fight back, which the narcissist enjoys. They like it when you react emotionally, they take it as a chance to say “look at the way you’re acting, you’re being the bad guy. Now I can go and make my smear campaign to make me look like the victim.” Other people shut down emotionally, becoming even easier to manipulate and control. In Vessel’s case, I think he mostly became the argumentative version, though inside he was likely pretty emotionally numb. This is shown in DYWTYLM when he says “maybe it’s not that you conceal your feelings, they just don’t exist.” The narcissist has succeeded in alienating him from himself so much that he can’t recognize his own emotional state or needs.

3. Vessel’s emotional state: with the narcissistic behaviour that I mentioned earlier, it’s very likely that Vessel was the recipient of a lot of mind games and love bombing. Love bombing, to put it in the simplest terms, is when a narcissist pours on the charm in opportunistic times to get you to believe that they are the nicest person ever. They follow this up with extremely shitty behaviour, and then more charm. This way you start to believe that you imagined the shitty part and that they couldn’t do anything wrong. This back and forth creates a pattern that the victim will be addicted to, the good parts are so good that they brush off the bad. This is shown in Sugar “I’ve developed a taste for you” and in Distraction “you come crawling back to me, but I’m already on the ground.” If the narcissist is tenacious enough, this will push their victim to the point of wanting to take their own life or attempting to. This is shown in Atlantic, Are you really ok?, Dark Signs, and several others. References to scars on arms, trenches deeper than the scars can show, tearing off limbs, etc etc.

4. Vessel’s actions during: there are several songs where he describes self sacrificing behaviour, the biggest example being The Offering. Just the whole entire song. He gave himself over completely to this person. In a healthy relationship this isn’t a bad thing, but in an unhealthy relationship, it most certainly is. His entire identity could’ve been defined by the other person. “I am Vessel, and I belong to ________. They are my purpose.” That kind of thing. A complete erasure of who he was prior. At this point, he does not know who he is, he depends on them to tell him and others who he is. Through this he also grew to hate himself, and to believe that all of his dreams were probably unrealistic or something like that. And that he is ugly, as is shown in the Fall For Me video. This probably acts as the main driving force behind the masks in the first place. To literally hide behind, in fear that if the mask were to go away, that we the audience would no longer be interested. There’s those insecurities again. Afraid that he’ll lose all of his success if they see his face. Despite the fact that we don’t buy his albums to listen to his face.

5. The aftermath of this: When this relationship ended, which would’ve been after a long course of back and forth, and probably some on again off again cycles, Vessel would’ve been left feeling completely dead inside. To put it simply. Recovering from this kind of abuse takes a very long time, for most it takes months, for others years. At the start, he would likely struggle to see any worth in himself at all, hence him saying that who he is behind the mask does not matter. He was taught that belief. I think we can all agree that for Vess, it took several years to fully recover, and we continue to see his progress with every performance. We can also see this via the evolution of his mask, in the beginning covering his whole face, very much not human. Then the second mask, also not human but also softer. Not as archaic in appearance. But still not human. Still not him. The current mask showing a portion of his face at all times, the red lace like design on the bottom. It’s prettier, softer. It’s more human and approachable, but it has the spikes on it. He still feels the need to defend and protect himself. The other ways we were able to see the damage incurred, was through the fact that for many earlier performances, Vessel was drunk on stage. It doesn’t take a lot of thought to see that he wasn’t feeling too good about himself. A lot of victims of this kind of abuse tend to turn to some kind of vice/addiction to get them through the pain. After going through and getting out of something like that, self care and healthy habits usually isn’t a top priority. All you want in that situation is to numb the pain and distance yourself from it.

Someone on TikTok also pointed out to me the line (I think) from TMBTE “I’ll take a pound of your flesh before you take a piece of my pay stub.” With the idea that the person he was in a relationship with he also worked with, and they hogged a lot of his money. This aligns very much with narcissistic tendencies, as financial abuse is also extremely common.

More about the other members and their roles tomorrow.

#sleep token lore #sleep token #sleep token vessel #sleep token ii #sleep token iii #sleep token iv #sleep token worship #sleep token theories #vtft lore theory

25 notes · View notes

clanwarrior-tumbly · 1 year

Note

Ello! I Hope Ya Don’t mind me requesting a Crossover headcanon! Basically Pokémon Arven meeting a friendly Mandela catalogue Alternative Reader/Y/n who has a team of a grumpy Gengar yet affectionate,a motherly yet quickly protective Houndoom and a Cheerful and Innocent Mimikyu.Primarily they were the Pokémon of a Bad trainer who didn’t treat them well and well generally other people so Reader basically decided “say goodbye to your free trial of life” and basically takes theyre identity and Pokémon so they can have a better life? :D

OHHH this one is super genius I love it <3

..........

As an Alternate living in the Pokémon world, you were always searching for a target. Someone's identity to steal.

Of course, this was no easy task...considering certain Pokémon types were attuned to their trainer's emotions (especially psychic and fairy types).

So they'd know right away if anything changed about their personalities and overall "energy".

One day, you see a boy with platinum-blond hair challenging some kid who looked rather mean, especially when they yelled at their own Pokémon, tearing them down rather than lifting them up.

"Stop whining, Mimikyu. I'm not wasting a burn heal on you just because you missed the Play Rough! You had a 90% chance of hitting that stupid pepper and you blew it!"

"Hey. Yelling at your Pokémon isn't gonna win you this fight." The boy starts, giving his Scovillain a healing potion. "I'll give you this turn to do the right thing..or else that burn is gonna knock it out-"

"Don't tell me what to do! We're gonna power through this and win!!"

But as you see...that trainer's arrogance becomes their downfall as Mimikyu attacked but didn't do enough damage, eventually fainting from the stress and the lingering burn effect.

The battle drags on as they bring out Gengar next, who manages to take down his Pokémon in one hit. But as their trainer cheers, the ghost's grimace becomes a happy smile as they try hugging them to celebrate--

Only to be pushed away roughly.

"Get off me! I don't want your Lick to paralyze me!"

Your anger slowly grows when you see how sad Gengar looks...and you begin festering empathy for these innocent creatures.

The last one sent out is a Houndoom who goes in and attacks, effortlessly taking down another one of the boy's (whose name you learned was "Arven" by this point) Pokémon.

Yet she didn't drink up the praise her trainer gave, instead sending them a cold glare that they returned in kind.

"What? If you're gonna be ungrateful, then go back in your pokeball, bitch....why are you growling?! Technically you're a female dog and I'm using the right term!"

That's the final straw for you.

And the moment you settled on a good target.

You began following their daily routine, seeing how truly sweet their main three Pokémon were..but also recognizing that this wasn't the first time they've been verbally abused.

The Houndoom was motherly towards Gengar and Mimikyuu...and only followed her trainer's orders to protect them both from punishment.

But you decided to be the one who protects all three of them.

So you tormented the trainer for a while, convincing them they were being haunted by a ghost-type and making them look crazy in front of all their peers and future challengers.

And you erased all their pokedex progress.

By the end, you killed and replaced them entirely in their sleep, and you kept the disguise up well (aside from the flaws typical to your species).

Yet all your "new Pokémon" noticed was your abrupt change of heart....though it took Houndoom a while to genuinely warm up to you.

She only did after you gave Gengar a much-deserved hug--they were crying tears of joy and at first she thought you upset them until she saw the smile.

After that, they were all willing to battle alongside you, especially Mimikyuu who was cheerier than ever whenever you brought them out, doing your best given what knowledge you gained from watching other trainers.

You spoiled them with treats, courtesy of the human scum you replaced and the thousands of pokedollars they selfishly kept for themselves.

When you crossed paths with Arven, he can immediately tell something's different about who he considers the "rudest trainer in Paldea".

You tell him that you're not a Pokémon, but a creature similar to a Ditto, explaining that you basically took their identity and Pokémon to give them a better life.

While he thinks identity theft is a very serious crime....he finds your actions justifiable and befriends you from there on.

#clanask #anonymous #pokemon x reader #mandela catalogue x reader #pokemon arven #alternate reader #alternate y/n #pokemon scarlet x reader #pokemon violet x reader #headcanons #platonic #tw abuse mention

241 notes · View notes

thequietkid-moonie · 6 months

Note

Request: Mario, Luigi, and Peach with an S/O that was kidnapped by King Boo

S/O gets kidnapted by King Boo

[ SCENARIO ] [ Mario, Peach ]

[ Super Mario Bros ]

I hope you can forgive me because i just wrote two of the characters you asked for! I been a little blocked but I didn't wanted to leave you without your request

I hope you still enjoy it!

Mario

Mario isn't embarrassed nor really shy by the relasionship, he may be flustered sometimes but has no problem with being honest when talking about your relationship and how much he loves you

Somehow Mario always end up involved in a lot of troubles, even when he got quite used to it that doesn't mean he doesn't feel at least a little bit stressed, as well he constantly worried about dragging your into all this troubles too, he hates that there is the posibility of something happening to you because of him (even if you were more than capable to protect yourself he is just really caring so is just normal for him to worry about you)

It isn't that Mario is extremely clingy so there are chances that you end up kidnapted when you weren't with him, but also can happen when you two were together (even when he will try his hardest to protect you if that happen), it doesn't matter how it happened the important is that is done and now he has to do something about it

Despite feeling incredibly worried and anxious Mario is aware that he need a plan before doing anything, and he is not quite sure from were to start so is more likely that he ask for help to Peach, Luigi and all his other friends (whoever is willing to help honestly)

Mario is trying really hard to concentrate but he isn't going to be able to do it at its fullest for a while, he is too worried and anxious and he won't be able to really calm down until he has a plan. He doesn't really understand why King Boo would kidnapt you nor how to find him, so, as much as it makes him feel frustrated he is depending a little more on Peach's help for this

At the very moment he has a plan and is ready he won't waste any more time and is already going to find you (probably along with your friends, he doesn't want to abuse of their kindness but won't say no to the help), he is even trying to push himself a little but the simple fact that he is already in his way it help him feel more at ease

Once he came to the castle of King Boo Mario feels like he can take it a little bit more slowly but still that doesn't mean he doesn't go around determinated to save you and ready to fight

Even when he finds you he doesn't want to let his guard down right away since he would prefer to take you somewhere safe before relaxing (what is a little bit dificult when he wants to just hold you close out of relief). Once he knows you two are out of danger he will express how worried he was, to apologize and saying how much he loves you, all while going between checking that you are safe and hugging you

Despite being incredibly worried Mario prefers to put your comfort first, he does calm down and get comforted by watching you feeling at ease, still he will try to stick with you for a while to calm down his anxiety (he doesn't say out loud how much this have affected him but you can notice by how clingy he become for a while)

Peach

Peach its not the type to get shy or hide the love she has for her partner, she has no problem with telling the world how much she loves you, however she does know that there are threatens that can try to harm you because of your relasionship so she tries to be cautious, being ready if something ever happen and even letting you know about them (but always promising that she will be there to help you)

The moment that you didn't showed up she already have a bad feeling, but if it happened in front of her eyes then she will feel even more frustrated since she wasn't able to do anything to prevent. At the end, not matter how it happened the frustration and anger she feels when she get to know you have been kidnapted quickly became a great determination to recue you

Actually, Peach has to be stopped by others before she imediatly goes to search for you, she is quite emotional and can't help but want to do something to recue you imediatly, still it doesn't take her much time to understand that, first of all she needs a plan

She will have no problem to accept the help of her friends with this, but first ask if they are sure about it and will make sure to say a million of thanks. Peach will deeply think on a plan and trying to understand why King Boo will want to kidnapt you (she thought it would be more likely to be Bowser, and probably just assumed that he is involved too)

Peach is imediatly going in her way the moment she knows she (and her companions) is ready, not wasting any time before already putting her plan in motion, she is even willing to step into battle herself if is need it, honestly Peach has been trying her hardest to keep her mind busy on the plan of recue to don't let her anxious and worry bother her, she will have time to deal with all of that once she has you by her side again

Peach is a little troubled by her mixed emotions, for one part she wants to force King Boo to say his reasoning behind his actions while in the other she just want to get over it to be able to run to your side, but she knows that she won't feel at ease if she doesn't get to know the reason so she tries to find out why he has kidnapted you

Once Peach sees you again she will get all emotional again, only stoping if she haven't finished the threats already, but once it is safe she will imediatly run to your side, hugging you as if her life depends on it and finally leaving her emotions flow, saying how worried and even scare she was for you, her mixed feelings are quickly surpress for the relief and the anxiety she can finally let go of

Peach will need to have a lot of quality time with you to help her racing heart, she just want to relax and enjoy your company, as well she need to make sure to bring you the comfort you probably need after that traumatic experience. It won't take her much before she feels at ease again but that doesn't mean she won't take care of what happened

#super mario bros x reader #super mario x reader #mario x reader #peach x reader #princess peach x reader

53 notes · View notes

thorias · 17 days

Text

Lenore Zann: That was a very clever question, and I'm not going to completely answer it other than to say there are Easter eggs in there for fans to follow up. In season 2, I have already recorded season 2 and I love Rogue's journey. She is continuing on her journey and she wants justice for Remy, and she won't let anything or anyone stop her.

Does that include her fellow X-Men?

Lenore Zann: I'm not going to say. (x)

-----

I've been thinking about this quote from Lenore a lot for the last few days. Also about that interview with Matthew Waterson where he said that with Gambit dead, the love triangle isn't an issue anymore, hinting that Magneto may try to shoot his shot at Rogue again (ugh).

I keep picturing a scenario wherein Rogue tries to make that deal with En Sabah Nur to get Remy resurrected and either Magneto finds out about this and tries to stop her or he blabs to the others and they all try to stop her. I mean, Lenore not answering the question means that it almost has to be something like that, right?

Presumably, Magneto's reasoning will be that they can't trust Apocalypse, (hypocritical af since he literally worked for Apocalypse during 'Beyond Good & Evil' on the condition that Poccy resurrect Mags' dead wife) but in the back of his mind, maybe he's thinking that he still has a shot with Rogue as long as Gambit stays dead.

If Waterson is to be believed, then I'm not sure how else things would play out. 1x10 was pretty clear about Magneto not being at peace with Rogue's rejection, so he may very well try to revisit the issue, but I really can't see her falling for his bullshit again, especially if she sees a chance to get Remy back (then again, I really couldn't see her signing up for Magneto's kill-'em-all-and-let-God-sort-'em-out plan in 1x09 and that still happened, so who the hell knows) and I doubt it would be as simple as him asking Rogue if she's reconsidered her choice in 'Remember It,' her slamming the breaks and him being okay with that either.

Lenore keeps saying that Rogue is laser focused on getting justice for Remy, which, at this point, I'm 100% convinced is code for "bringing Remy back from the dead, come hell or high water." But apparently there's still something left unaddressed with this Rogue/Magneto garbage, even if it's just about putting the definitive final nail in its coffin.

Honestly? I want to see them fight. If we have to go down this road whether we like it or not, then I think it would be really cathartic to see Magneto try to stop Rogue in some deluded, petty attempt to get her back, while self-righteously acting like he just wants what's best for her, but Rogue sees right through him this time, becoming super pissed off and violent. Magneto doesn't realize how strongly Rogue feels about Remy and she hates him for getting in her way.

Sure, on the one hand, I really want that final nail hammered in hard enough that Rogue ends up hating Magneto's guts, so I never have to worry or even think about that revolting storyline ever again. But also, I see this as kind of a substitute for the story that we're unlikely to ever get where the X-men acknowledge Magneto's grooming of Rogue as the abuse that it was and he's held accountable for it; because of the optics of the whole thing, (as well as all the stuff coming out about Demayo) I suspect the writers will just want to move on from that fiasco asap and never mention it again. But having Rogue finally recognize that Magneto is really just a manipulative piece of shit, even if she comes to that realization in a different way, could still accomplish this.

#x men 97 #rogue #anna marie lebeau #romy #gambit #remy lebeau #deathbit #thank god demayo got fired

25 notes · View notes

itsmeyaspider · 2 months

Text

This is turning into a lovely evening~

Ramsay Bolton x female reader

Trigger warning: gore, violence, sexual harassment, mention of r@pe, mention of torture, r@pe, please be beware that Ramsay is not a nice man, kidnapping, blood kink,forced pregnancy

>>Credits go to the artist<<

~ Before we begin, I want to make it clear that Ramsay is not capable of loving anyone at all. The only thing he really enjoys is torturing and abusing others. You can see it how he treats his fellow human beings, most of the time he manipulates them. Even his father isn't safe from that. The only thing that makes sense to me is that he sees you like a pet or more of a plaything but nothing serious like love.

~ Maybe you crossed Ramsays path once or you work as a maid for him, it doesn't really matter because I doubt he would ever treat you differently.

~ You now have his full attention and believe me that's something you really don't want. Because one thing is for sure Ramsay is a very possessive man and when he wants something, he gets it.

~ I imagine thar he simply takes you from your home, he grabs your (h/c) hair and pulls you into his castle in Winterfell. If your family members were to resist, he would either have them burned to death in agony or lock them away in his torture basement where he would do many unspeakable things. Maybe he let you watch it with your own pretty eyes, just to make sure that you know where your place is.

~ He would lock you away in one of his rooms where only he has access to. Even Roose couldn't do anything about it if he wanted to. Ramsay hates to share things, and if anyone dares to look at you in the wrong way, he'll cut their eyes off or even worse.

~ Your life would be a living nightmare, even if Ramsay would treat you a little bit better than Reek, he would still hurt you. This man is a big sadist who loves to see other people suffer and that includes you (Y/n). Ramsay would enjoy your sweet cries, your little tears or your begging to stop him.

"Please, Ramsay, I'm sorry. It won't happen again" you said, lying helplessly on the could ground, blood dripping from your open wounds, but Ramsay doesn't even consider to stop, the fun just started. And besides he is already hard from you small whines.

~ Every day he would take you, whether you like it or not. You have no ther choice to take is cock and be a good pet. He just love seeing you so helpless, especially when he demolished your body with a dagger. He might even carve his name into your back so that everyone knows who you belong to.

~ Never get the idea of running away, because that would give him even more pleasure he already has from you. He loves a good cat and mouse game, especially when he knows that you can't escape. No matter how fast you try to run, his dogs are always faster.

You run and run as fast as your legs could carry you, there is still a small spark inside you, that you might have a chance to really escape this monster. This thought is quickly ruined as you hear loud barking, your (e/c) eyes start to water. You don't look back once and just keep running, knowing that he has sent his dogs after you. Suddenly you feel a sharp pain in your ankle as you fall roughly on the ground. You let out a pain filled scream as the barking becomes louder. You hear a whistle, it sounds pleased and you know directly to who it belongs to "Now Now...look who I caught. You disappoint me, I thought you had learned your lesson, what happens when you defy me. But don't worry, I'll make sure you never come up with the idea of deceiving me again. How about I cut your little legs? Doesn't it sound lovely?"

~ That only thing what might safe you from his torture is a pregnancy, he would be a little bit nicer to you because he needs an heir. It doesn't matter if it's a bastard because you know what they say "Bastards can make it far this days" . But don't think you're safe now, if you dare to betray him again, he would hurt the child or even worse. After all, he can make new ones with you.

~ Maybe you should also pray to the gods that your child doesn't turn out to be anything like his father.

#ramsaybolton #ramsay bolton x reader #ramsayboltonxreader #boltonramsay #ramsaysnow #x reader #xreader #game of thrones x reader #got #game of thrones #ramsayxreader #ramsay x reader #asoiaf #a song of ice and fire #asoiaframsay #fanfiction #snowramsay

26 notes · View notes

gabessquishytum · 10 months

Note

more Immortal Throuple omegaverse <3

Hob, during this stage of his immortal life, has become a thief. He's infamous for stealing paintings and jewelry from royalty and nobility. And if he thinks you deserve it (unfair taxes, abuse of power, etc), he will absolutely destroy you.

The people love him for it. Nobles, not so much. They want him dead. Except nobody actually knows what he looks like, save a few servants here and there who have seen him- and why would they ever say anything?

Unfortunately for Hob, all of this makes him a bit cocky. So when he decides to break into the castle of King Dream and Queen Calliope, he doesn't really question why there aren't any guards or servants around that night. The King and Queen can protect themselves, after all, but why no servants?

Part of Hob's brain is screaming at him about how wrong it all feels, but he keeps going. There's a particular painting he's after, and a lovely ruby necklace he'd love to get his hands on.

And then there's a crash from the second floor.

Hob tries to stick to the shadows when he hears running but the shadows keep moving, almost like they're alive, and then suddenly he can smell Alpha and now there's two of at the top of the stairs, looking at him with wild eyes.

Hob knows better than to run from an Alpha in a rut, let alone two of them, but, well. Instinct is instinct and he'll be damned if this is how he gets caught.

He does. He does get caught. After a merry chase through the castle (he tried to lead them outside, at one point, hoping to steal a horse, but none of the damn doors would open), feeling like prey (he very much was), Hob gets caught.

It's easy to forget it's his own fault when there's two cocks fucking into him at once- one in his cunt, the other in his ass, almost always knotting him at the same time (he's never done this before, it's so good so good so good); two mating bites on either side of his neck; and two Alphas telling him how good he is, how they're going to put a pup into him and keep trying until they do.

(Three days later, Dream and Calliope snap out of their ruts to find a strange naked man in bed with them, covered in cum, two mating bites, wearing Dream's ruby necklace, and... smelling of pup and contentment.

Well then.)

Ashsjdjdhah this is absolutely amazing. And then you managed to top it by sending even MORE fodder for my horny mind!!

I particularly like this idea of Hob getting totally blindsided by two alphas in rut. He'd be weaker than them at the best of times, but in rut? He stands no chance. Worst of all Dream and Calliope work together to subdue him. He's pinned down, has the back of his neck bitten, and before he knows it he's being double knotted. He barely even feels the pain because his body is changing and that's the overwhelming sensation. Slick is pouring from his hole, hormones are pumping through his body, and by the time he passes out his knows that it's already happened. They've made him into an omega.

He should probably be more mad about it, but when he wakes up to two apologetic, whimpering alphas, who lick his wounds and submit themselves to his wrath... he finds himself unable to be angry. Life as a lone alpha kind of sucked, and now he feels this peace and contentment in his body. Plus he ended up getting Dream’s ruby anyway... and he can definitely exploit these two rich, sweet scented alphas into taking proper care of him...

They'll have to wait until his first proper heat to get him pregnant, but Hob’s going to make damned sure that they do. He wants pups, as many as they can give him. He's always been greedy and cocky and just because he's an omega now, that isn't going to change.

Oh, and Dream and Calliope are in love. Their omega has utterly bewitched them, and they can't wait to spoil him absolutely rotten.

#the sandman #nsft #dream x hob x calliope #immortal throuple #cw dubcon #cw omegaverse #cw mpreg

67 notes · View notes

thenightling · 7 months

Text

Willy Wonka misconceptions

As Charlie and the Chocolate Factory / Willy Wonka has become weirdly popular lately because of the successful prequel film and most recently that really botched / rip-off Wonka event in Glasgow Scotland, it felt like a good time for this post.

Here are a list of popular misconceptions about the book and films.

1. Much of the Internet thinks of Wonka as a "Serial killer of children." I pointed out that at the end of the 2006 film and novel you see the children alive, though altered. And in the 1971 film that version of Wonka says that they will all be fine, but a little wiser. Someone tried to argue with me that he was just trying to placate Charlie. Really!? Since when did that Wonka ever lie to make people feel better?

Based on his previous behavior we have no reason to believe Wonka would lie just to make Charlie feel better. It's just a dark, edgy, annoying headcanon to pretend Wonka killed those other kids when every version tells you they survived.

____________________________

2. Grandpa Joe was not "Faking it" or "being lazy." It seems ironic to me that so many rant and even get genuinely angry about the character Grandpa Joe. It is especially odd to me when the rage is in regard to the depiction in the 1971 film, Willy Wonka and the Chocolate factory.

The reason it is odd to me is because in the 1971 film Grandpa Joe very clearly was suffering through severe depression, possibly a long bipolar depression phase.

The depression is clear in his "I've got a golden Ticket" song.

"I never thought my life could be Anything but catastrophe"

"I never had a chance to shine Never a happy song to sing"

It seems weird to me that today people shame characters like Cinderella for not being assertive and empowered when she's a live-long abuse victim. And then you have the people against Disney's The Little Mermaid who say she gave up who and what she is for a man but ignore that she had a song number from before she ever saw Eric, where she expressed body dysphoria and made clear she wanted to be human even then.

And you have a large part of the Internet shaming Grampa Joe for being "lazy" and "faking being sick' while he's literally telling us that he he's been in a severe depression.

It's almost like watching a generation that supposedly respects mental illness and understands depression in ways previous generations didn't... suddenly having a justification to shame someone for having all the symptoms of clinical depression.

Hell, even the song "I've got a Golden Ticket" kind of indicates Grandpa Joe is entering a manic phase. If Grandpa Joe's illness is psychological why do we treat it as not-real? I get so annoyed at how many people mock the character or act like he's a con artist exploiting Charlie.

________________________

3. The Oompa Loompas were not slaves.

It's true that the earliest depictions of the Oompa Loompas were little African people (before the novel was revised) but in all versions he tells the kids that he pays them in coca-beans. That might sound like he pays them in fallen acorns he found in his garden but it's made clear that to Oompa Loompas, in their society, coca-beans are worth more than gold.

Try to imagine you got a job working for aliens who offer to pay you in large bars of gold if you just help him make some gold jewelry. But because gold isn't worth THAT much to these aliens they think you're a pathetic slave, even though Lofty (the Oompa Loompa from the new Wonka movie) probably now has a palace on Loompa Land that he uses as a summer house.

Interesting bit of trivia: Charlie was originally going to be black.

___________________________

4. Wonka (2023) is NOT a remake. A lot of people mistakenly think this is yet another remake. No. It's a musical prequel to the Gene Wilder Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory movie from 1971. ________________________

5. Lots of fans have "figured out" that the shoe shine boy Wonka sees early in Wonka is Charlie. One small problem with that. This is twenty-something Willy Wonka. Wonka was supposed to be pushing fifty or sixty when he went looking for an heir. The timeline wouldn't work. The director has confirmed that for this reason the shoe shine boy is NOT Charlie Bucket.

And there you go. A list of popular Wonka misconceptions debunked.

#Willy Wonka #Wonka #Charlie and the Chocolate Factory #Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory

44 notes · View notes

agirlwithdemonblood · 2 years

Note

May I please request a Jensen x reader where she has a boyfriend and he’s abusive not physically just mentally and in result of that she’s really quiet and shy on set, like for example she sits by herself at lunch. Everyone tries to break her out of her shell not knowing what’s going on especially Jensen cause he has a crush on her. One day he invites her to watch a movie in his trailer and she agrees but then her bf shows up and becomes physical and Jensen breaks it up? They end up together 🥰

Choose you

Pairings: Jensen x Reader

Warnings: Mean boyfriend, mental abuse, bullying, swearing, verbal assault, physical assault.

Check out my masterlist here!

A/N: I put a little spin on it, included time stamps I hope you like it!! Thank you for the request and the support. ❤️❤️

Jensen watched in anguish as you walked by him, a light "Hello." leaving your lips, but that was it. Again.

For the past two weeks, its been getting worse. Your usual "Good morning Jensen!" was replaced with "Good morning." to "Morning." and finally to "Hello." He didn't understand what he did or why this was happening.

It wasn't just the morning greetings either, you were pulling away fully. You stopped popping into his trailer at random times of the day. You stopped eating in the tent with all the others. You stopped inviting them out for drinks, you stopped communicating with Jensen and it tore him apart.

He's only known you a matter of five months now but he couldn't stop thinking about you. The day he met you was stuck on repeat in his mind.

-5 months ago-

"Everybody, I'd like to welcome the new cast member of supernatural, Y/N L/N. She will be playing Morgan and she will be here for a while so get to know her now."

You stood shyly behind the director, lifting your small hand to wave hi, and as soon as your eyes met his, you froze, a bright and nervous smile appearing on both of your faces.

Everybody introduced themselves before heading to the tent, leaving you and Jensen standing alone, awkwardly, in the room. His eyes never left yours. Yours never left his.

Finally after what felt like forever, you walked up to him. He smiled and stepped closer, holding out his hand. He was about to introduce himself before you held up your hand, a smug look on your face.

"Don't need to introduce yourself, I know exactly who you are."

He smirked and nodded, crossing his arms to let you continue.

You leaned closer as if you were telling a secret and placed your hand on his shoulder. "Your name is Dean Winchester, your an Aquarius and you enjoy sunsets, long walks on the beach and frisky women."

He froze, pulling back to stare at the comically huge smile on your face before you burst into laughter. He quickly joined, shaking his head at you. He knew right than and there, he liked you.

Since that day, his thoughts revolved around you. He couldn't help it. He thought you were the most beautiful girl he has ever laid eyes on, your humor matched his, you went out of your way to show respect and kindness to everybody around you and you two were inseparable.

He had it hard for you, but he missed his chance.

--Two months ago--

The daisy in his hand flopped over, but he didn't mind. He knew you would love it either way. You never really wore anything with flowers, but when you did-daisies. He found out that you loved them. You loved how simple yet beautiful they were. Like they didn't need to try, they were just naturally gorgeous. Just like you.

He walked across the set, catching your eye. You smiled and rushed forward, eyeing the daisy in his hand. "Is that for me?"

He smiled and nodded, leaning closer to place the flower in your hair. You touched it gently and stepped closer to give him a hug. It was the last one you've given him since that day.

"Hey Y/N, I was wondering if you wanted to go get a drink, maybe we could talk."

You frowned and let him go, "Damn, I have a date tonight or I totally would."

He froze, embarrassment and nervousness flooding him, of course you had a date, look at you. He couldn't be jealous or angry, he had three damn months to make a move but he never did. Until today, and it was too late.

You stepped closer, concern in your eyes. "I can cancel Jensen, it's totally fine."

He shook his head and plastered on the best fake smile he could. "Nono don't be silly. You go. I'll see you tomorrow."

Your eyebrows lifted in uncertainty, staring at him for a moment longer to try and read his mood. Something was off, you knew that. "Are you sure?"

He smiled and nodded, wrapping his arm around your shoulder to walk you to your car. "Yeah, more than sure. Good luck on your date, let me know how it goes."

You finally smiled and nodded, sitting in your car before rolling down the window. "Thanks Jensen, I'll see you tomorrow."

A week after that, he was finally introduced to your new boyfriend. Kyle. Ugh. Even the name made him angry.

He didn't know why, but he didn't like that guy. There was something about him that made him uneasy. Maybe it was the fact that every time he came by, he noticed your smile lessen and your shoulders lower. Or maybe its because when he met him for the first time, all he did was look Jensen up and down before smiling smugly.

Like he knew jensen had a crush on you, and he was showing off that he’s the one who landed you. He didn't like him. At all.

--Present Day--

And now, here we are.

Jensen kept up his efforts to be your friend, trying to control the thoughts about you, trying to remind himself that you and him are friends and that was all. It hurt a lot more than he wanted to admit, seeing you with him made something bubble underneath his skin. But he loved you enough to hold back and be there as much as he could.

It seemed like you didn't want him there anymore though, and it killed him. But he knew it wasn't just him. Everybody has noticed the change. You used to come in with a huge smile on your face, even in the early hours like 5:00 am shoots, nobody knew how you did it. You were always the one to bring the energy and positive vibes, lately you were like a ghost of a person. Quiet, shy, reserved.

Sad. You seemed sad.

He wanted to ask you, he was going to ask you but he was worried that you might tell him it's none of his business. He figured you would have told him eventually, but you never did and it got worse.

A long day of shooting was finally over with. He noticed the way you acted on stage compared to off camera, you were a really talented actor. In the happy scenes, you seemed genually happy. As soon as the director called cut, the smile disapeered.

He had enough, he knew something was wrong and he needed you to know he was here for you. Tonight, he would figure it out.

You walked back to your trailer to call it a night, jumping nearly out of your skin when Jensen's hand rested on your shoulder. He held his hands up in defense and chuckled, "Sorry! Just me."

You laughed lightly and turned to face him, a plastered smile appearing. "What's up."

"What's your plans for tonight?"

You frowned and checked the time. It was later than you thought. Kyle was going to hate that. He hated when you came home late, waking him up, messing up his sleep.

You frowned and lifted your head, "Not sure, probably just go home."

He shook his head and grabbed your hand, "Nah, want to go watch a movie together?"

You stood in your spot, eyes falling to the floor. Yes, you knew you were pushing Jensen away and you really did not want to. But things with Kyle were... complicated.

It started out amazing, one date turned into multiple, soon you two were exclusivly seeing eachother, and than he basically moved into your apartment with you. It was good.

Until you noticed little things change. His attitude getting rougher. His tone unimpressed. His distance. He barely touched you unless he wanted sex. You brushed it off, thinking it was just a rough patch.

Except it got worse without you realizing. His words became aggressive. His comments pushing you further and further down.

When you'd come home late after shooting, or being at the bar, he would yell. Scream. Sometimes if he was angry enough and could smell alcohol on your breathe, he would throw things.

He has never laid a hand on you, but the pain of hearing the man you have feelings for tell you that you are a shit actress and will never go anywhere, telling you that you are the ugliest celebrity he has ever met, wishing he never met you, convincing you that if you left, you'd be alone, that shit hurt more than anything. You would have rathered him used his fists, instead of breaking your spirit.

A hand waving in your face brought you back to reality, jumping slightly. "Earth to Y/N, where'd you go honey?"

"Oh, sorry. Um... I don't know Jensen it's pretty late."

He frowned and nodded before turning to leave, but you couldn't do it. You hated seeing him sad and either way, your going to get yelled at for staying out. You can't avoid that.

"Wait!" You yelled, watching him turn and walk back towards you. "Let's do it."

He sighed and shook his head, "You don't need to say yes just bec-"

"I want to." You interrupted, a genuine smile on your face. Jensen smiled back and waved towards your trailer, letting you lead the way.

You led Jensen to your trailer, opening the door to allow him to step inside. His eyes were following you again. Noticing that you seemed a little better, a little pep in your step and he knew it was because you two haven’t spent alone time together in… god knows how long.

As much as he tried to remind himself that you two were just friends and nothing more, he couldn't help but stare at you with the same admiration he has had since day one.

He cleared his throat before sitting on the couch, waiting patiently as you pulled out your phone, typed something and than set it down. You grabbed two bottles of beer from the fridge and brought it over. He accepted with a grateful smile, and you two fell right back into the friendship you used to have.

Laughter filling the trailer as you two argued over what movies were better, down to what scenes you thought were a little too extra, and than making fun of Jared, again. All in light fun of course.

You two totally forgot that you were even supposed to watch a movie together, you forgot what time it was, until a pounding at your trailer door scared the life out of you.

Standing from your spot, you glanced towards Jensen who was staring back in confusion. You opened the door and every part of you stilled when your eyes locked on Kyle. He looked pissed, tired and frustrated. If looks could kill, you would have definatly been 6ft under by now.

"K-Kyle! Hey babe. What are you doing here?" You attempted to keep the shake out of your voice.

His eyes glanced behind you and caught Jensen's gaze. He plastered a fake smile and stepped up the trailer's stairs. "Hey man. How are you doing?" He questioned.

Jensen's eyes glanced from your boyfriend to you, immedinatly taking in the way your hands slightly trembled and the glazed look in your eyes. You were scared, and he didn't know of what, yet.

He stood from his spot, holding his beer tightly in his fist. "Good good, we were just having a little movie night.”

Kyle didn’t move. He didn’t speak. He just glared at Jensen. Jensen did the same. Kept his gaze firm. You could cut the damn tension with a knife.

Finally, Kyle made the first move, his hand moving to yours, a smirk playing at his lips. He looked friendly, unharming but his eyes told you everything. You were in trouble. “Can I speak to you outside for a min baby?”

You turned towards Jensen and smiled awkwardly, “Give me a miniute?”

Jensen nodded and stayed standing, watching you leave, watching Kyle shut the door a little too hard for his comfortability. He wanted to do the respectful thing and give your space, but he was worried. There was something unsettling about the way Kyle was acting and he knew you were not okay.

He moved to the door, listening the best he could but most of it was jumbled, only some words coming in and out.

“…..3:00 am! …. Kidding me? ….Stupid!”

His jaw clenched as he listened to Kyle’s voice get louder and more angry. He hated that he was yelling at you. He hated that just because you were out with a friend, he felt the right to come here and pull you out, ruining your night. And finally he knew what was wrong.

This wasn’t the first time Kyle had acted like this. He could hear you apologizing and he cringed. You should never have to apologize, he thought.

The sounds of light crying shattered his heart and he fought against every fibre in his body not to walk out there and deck the guy. He knew he couldn’t let his feelings get in the way of yours. But things got drastic fast and he knew he needed to do something.

Kyle, very loudly screamed at you. “You think you can get anybody else but me? You should be fucking lucky I chose you, you ugly fucking bitch.”

Jensens eyes widened and he rushed towards the door, a loud smack echoing right outside the door before he opened it.

The trailer door slammed open and you nearly jumped out of your skin, your eyes quickly focusing on Jensen. He looked more angry than Kyle, and it scared you a bit.

Jensens gaze shifted to you, anger filling him when he noticed how you were pressed against the trailer, tears staining your cheeks and filled in your eyes, your face was red but only one side. He knew what that sound was.

He stepped down the stairs towards Kyle, instantly face to face with the guy. “Did you just fucking hit her?” He spit out angrily.

“Yo why don’t you go inside and let us finish our conversation.” Kyle spit, smirking at Jensen.

It took everything inside him not to punch him out right here, but he knew that wouldn’t help anything. Jensen turned towards you, his feautures softening a little. “You alright?” You nodded and bit your lip to push back the sob threatening to escape.

Jensen turned back towards Kyle and crossed his arms, standing in place. Refusing to back down. “I think you should go man.”

Kyle laughed loudly and shook his head, “Okay. C’mon Y/N.”

Before Jensen could speak, Kyle was already in front of you, aggressively pulling your arm towards him to the point where you nearly fell right on your face.

Jensen rushed forward and stepped an inch from Kyles face, eyes shooting daggers at him. “Let. Her. Go.” He spoke through gritted teeth.

Kyle pulled your arm harder causing you to whimper in pain, he pulled you to his chest and held you there. “You don’t tell me what to do. She’s my girl, not yours. Y/N let’s go.”

You stared at Jensen in desperation and fear, Kyle had never put hands on you before but now that he has, you could finally see how much danger you really were in.

When his eyes met yours, he knew that he needed to protect you at all costs. He knew that stepping in wasn’t a choice anymore, it was his responsibility. You were practically begging him to.

Jensen rushed forward and pushed Kyle, hard, on the ground. Successfully breaking your arm free from his grip. You grabbed your arm and rushed behind Jensen, his hand instantly wrapping around to hold you behind him.

Kyle jumped up and got in Jensens face, anger seeping through so visibly that it scared the hell out of you. “Back the fuck off man, Y/N last warning let’s go now.”

“She’s not going anywhere with you.”

Kyle stared at you hiding behind Jensen and laughed, “You seriously want to do this? End our relationship? Your a piece of fucking garbage nobody’s ever going to love you.”

You frowned and rested your head against Jensens back, feeling his hand press you closer like he was trying to reassure you that it would be okay.

Jensen shook his head and an angry smile appeared on his face, “Dude, you better leave now.”

Kyle smirked and stepped closer, “Or what? You gonna hit me? Do it.”

Jensen felt you tremble and he bit his lip, moving his hand to rub your back gently. “Leave.”

Kyle chuckled angrily and shook his head, “You think I don’t see what’s happening? Your only protecting her because you want to get into her pants. But trust me, she gives it way too easily and she’s not even good.”

That was it. The moment that Jensen couldn’t fight it anymore. He pushed you gently back and stepped forward, clocking Kyle square in the jaw.

Kyle flew to the ground, back hitting the cement with a sickening thud. His mouth was bloody and he looked pissed enough to kill and it scared the shit out of you. He stood from his spot and made eye contact with you pressed against the trailer. He walked closer and pointed straight in your face.

“You are a fucking cunt Y/N, thank god this is over and I don’t have to pretend I loved you anymore. Your nothing.”

You flinched at the words and shoved your head to the ground. Kyle spit on the cement before he glared at Jensen, and making his leave.

As soon as Jensen saw him leave the area, he sighed in relief. He turned to face you, his eyes widening and lowering when he saw you huddled on the ground, head on your knees.

You were shaking and your breathing was shallow. You were crying. Breaking down.

His heart broke at the sight, fighting off his own tears as he rushed forward, hand on your back and arm. “Hey he’s gone it’s okay.”

You shook your head and sob after sob came rushing out, bursting through you like a tsunami. Jensen panicked and picked you up, rushing inside the trailer and placed you on the couch.

His hands never left your back, his mouth leaned close to your ear to coach you through this. He knew you needed time and he would spend every miniute here comforting you if he had to.

Your sobs started slowing and your breathing was returning to normal, causing Jensen to release a deep breath he didn’t know he was holding. “You okay honey? Look at me.”

You shook your head and turned away, “I don’t want you to see me like this.”

He smiled sadly as his finger came to your chin, turning you towards him. His eyes glanced at the bright red mark on your face causing him to cringe. He wished Kyle would come back just so he could hit him one more damn time.

“I don’t see anything wrong with who you are honey. Your upset, I understand. I’m not going to let you do this alone.”

You laughed sadly and shook your head free from his grip. “You don’t have to do that.”

“Do what?” He stared back in confusion.

“Pretend you care.”

He froze and he felt like you stabbed him in the heart, why would you ever think he didn’t care about you?

You saw the hesitation to speak and you felt bad, but your mind was convincing you that it was true. The damage Kyle did on your brain was immense, but you couldn’t fix it.

“Jensen… Kyle wasn’t being untruthful. Not all the time. I am not a good actress, and-“

He leaned closer before you could go on, his hand coming up to your cheek. “Stop. Don’t do that. Kyle wasn’t truthful about anything. He didn’t know anything. Your an amazing actress, you are an amazing person. And there’s so many people out there who would love you.”

You laughed under your breath and shook your head. “Oh yeah, because they are just lining up to be with me. I’ve only been with one other man since Kyle. Nobody is interested in me, he is right.”

He stared deep in your eyes and frowned, you really believed it. If he could just show you how much he adored and loved you, it would be hardcore proof that you were too amazing to let go. His eyes lowered to your lips before he made his choice.

He leaned in slowly, hearing your breathing hitch but you didn’t back away. He hesitated, his heart pounding out of his chest. He was suddenly so nervous and so anxious. He’s been wanting to do this since he met you, he wanted it to be perfect.

He was scared, freezing between wanting to kiss you and not wanting to traumatize you or take advantage of a vulnerable girl. He didn’t know what to do. His lip shook in nervousness, his hand on your cheek trembling slightly.

You smiled shyly, taking in his condition. It was adorable seeing him so shy, so flustered. And it all became clear. Jensen really did like you. You noticed all the things he would say and do, and it made sense.

Without hesitation, you moved your head and stared into his eyes, seeing the love filled beneath them. You smiled and dipped forwards, your lips catching his in the best first kiss you could ever ask for.

He gasped in surprise before his hand moved to the back of your head, deepening the kiss as much as he could. Kissing Jensen unlocked something inside of you, something you didn’t know was there. You felt love, real love. And safe.

Jensen broke the kiss, resting his forehead against yours, a bright smile on his lips. “Wow.”

You giggled and lifted your head, “Yeah, wow. Jesus Jensen, what were you waiting for?”

He frowned and shook his head, “The right moment I guess, a sign that you were into me.”

You laughed lightly, “Jensen, I have been into you since day 1. Since you laughed at my stupid intro about quoting Dean Winchester. I’ve liked you since than and never stopped but you never made a move.”

He shook his head at himself, if he knew that you had feelings for him, he would have acted sooner but he had no idea. He didn’t want to move too fast and scare you. He didn’t want to mess things up for the show, he loved working with you.

Suddenly, it clued in. Daisies. He tried, he really did. You frowned and pushed your head down, Jensens eyes worriedly staring back at you.

“Daisies.” You whispered, shaking your head.

He smiled and leaned closer, “Yup, Daisies.”

“I should have cancelled. I should have stayed.”

He shook his head, “No, I think this is how it needed to happen. I think we know eachother way better now, and feelings are stronger.”

You smiled and nodded, leaning close to kiss his lips. You could feel him smiling into the kiss and everything inside of you melted. “Thank you for choosing me.” You whispered

He pushed another kiss before his hands moved to your cheeks. “I’ll always choose you Y/N.”

Thank you for reading I hope you liked it ❤️

#dean x reader #supernatural #supernatural fanfiction #supernaturalseries #dean winchester #deanxreader #jensen ackles #supernatural one shot #deanxyou #spn #jensen's smile #jensen x reader #jensenxyou

290 notes · View notes

arianeemorythethird · 5 months

Text

I've probably been spending too much time plotting out elaborate Rexwalker postwar recovery AUs lately... but I just love them so much? In canon we never get to see Rex truly come to terms with his war trauma, or his childhood trauma, or the degree to which he'd been exploited, because he was too busy surviving/rebelling/rescuing his brothers to have any time for introspection. And even if he did - honestly, for his own sanity as a person uh working to restore the Republic he probably wouldn't want to spend too long dwelling on how the Republic used, abused and fucked him over, you know? Let alone give himself space to heal from that.

But it would be so satisfying! The ultimate hurt-comfort. Just - Rex in a galaxy at peace, no more war to fight - finally getting a chance to come to terms with his PTSD and trauma, facing up to the horror of the chips and trying to figure out who he is as a person, if he isn't a soldier anymore. If he isn't a loyal servant of the Republic willing to die for the cause, seeking no reward other than the opportunity to serve... if all that was a lie... what else was a lie? What does he have left?

And Anakin is simultaneously the worst and the best person to be going on that journey with him? Obviously in canon Anakin very much did not at any point come to terms with his own trauma or figure out how to live with it in a healthy way, lol - but the whole point of Anakin's character is that it was always possible for him to change and grow, and yeah, in a different world he might not have fallen, in a different world he absolutely would be capable of becoming someone better than who he had been.

To be truly satisfying to me the scenario has to be some kind of semi-realistic middle ground that walks the line between "Palpatine is accidentally or on-purpose dead and his plot to destroy the Jedi has failed, hooray" and "ok but that didn't fix everything or even most things, the Republic is still corrupt the clones are still exploited the Jedi are still being stretched past breaking point" - a fix-it but not a totally fluffy sweet fix it, it's gotta still be a little bit bitter and sour to taste good to me.

Ideally, really, it's them ending up somewhere unexpected in the middle of nowhere together - a planet in Wild Space (Teth??) where clones and/or Jedi fled the Republic after Palpatine's successor turned on them; a space station round Kamino, thrown together Studio Ghibli style out of repurposed pieces of Star Destroyers and clone medical stations - slowly processing trauma via the intensely satisfying physical work of building a small community including food production building houses gardens infrastructure community organisations, and probably also some grumpy three-legged rescue lothcats.

And in doing so Rex and Anakin have to learn to live together, outside the weird pressure-cooker intimacy of military life - they lived and worked and fought and risked death together, they saw each other at their best and worst, they had to have total trust in each other, they knew things about each other that no-one else ever did - but at the same time the intimacy was partial and they lived in totally different worlds.

What would it be like to finally live together as equals?

And, you know. Anakin pining. It is deeply important to me that Anakin is the one pining, Anakin the one whose intense emotions are basically visible from space - to everyone but Rex, who has absolutely no idea.

Is there anything sexier than a couple who basically get together backwards? Start with moving in together, figuring how to live well together, merging their lives together; the sheer intimacy of those little day-to-day moments that no-one else sees. Fucking comes much later; feelings - and the confession of feelings - come last.

Is that not terribly romantic? Or is it just me?

#star wars #clone wars #rex #anakin skywalker #rexwalker #fic bits

22 notes · View notes

uselessheretic · 2 years

Text

When it comes to Ed and addressing his issues around things like mental health, trauma, and anger issues, I understand the kneejerk reaction to deny that he has any of those traits due to not wanting to stereotype him, but I don't think that really solves much. Ed is someone who is severely traumatized, forced into a world where he had to take care of himself from a young age, and never given a chance to learn things like healthy coping mechanisms. He's going to develop in ways that are maladaptive as he searches for a way to just survive.

A lot of the time, people will say things like "Ed doesn't have anger issues because whenever he gets mad he's valid" and I get it, I do, but it just? Doesn't work that way? When a room full of people makes fun of you, you can't just go in there and shoot everyone even if they hurt your feelings. Not just because that's a wild ass thing to argue as correct, but because it directly endangers himself and others. Even if he's fucking Blackbeard, that's still a huge risk of him being harmed. Characters like Oluwande and Frenchie would also be at risk where maybe people can't stab Blackbeard, but it's possible someone might take a chance on one of his companions if they think they're a part of this.

Denying that these problems exist doesn't do anything. It doesn't strengthen his character and it doesn't engage with him in a way that humanizes him to allow for growth. He's not gonna marry Stede and suddenly never be angry again and nobody ever makes him feel sad ever again!

I understand that the thought process here is that men of color are stereotyped to be angry and violent, and therefore, it's racist to interpret Ed as having these traits. That doesn't really solve anything though because it doesn't engage with the problem past a surface level. Moc are stereotyped as being angry... Why? Because it's a way to justify enacting state violence and control them. Sure, you can say "Ed isn't angry though so there's no need to put him through the system" but that narrows the scope down to him as an individual that relies on him never being angry to rescue him from that.

Because what happens when moc are angry? When they are violent and you're not able to just deny that and move on? Do we just abandon them?

Obviously not. When we base a person's humanity off a prerequisite that they can't embody any of the negativity the state is seeking to control, we inadvertently justify the violence imposed onto those less able to hold themselves to, frankly, impossible standards. It's another way of trying to appeal to respectability politics.

So instead of denying these parts of Ed, we can look more closely at them.

Ed's moments of anger are often prompted by him experiencing hurt. He's made fun of, he's been tricked, a snake fell on him, he feels abandoned. He has a tendency to go from zero to one hundred very quickly, and often will react to things with the same level of intensity regardless of what is actually triggering it. This makes sense though when you remember that he's a severely traumatized person who went through substantial abuse as a child! Often, people experiencing things like c-PTSD lose their ability to accurately gauge threat levels, meaning that if they want to survive, they are on constant high alert for any possible danger. Anger is a natural reaction to this, and his trigger for going off is hypersensitive as a result. Something like this helps explain why Stede leaving him, and Izzy subsequent antagonism, hit him like a fucking truck.

When Ed expresses anger, it often comes coupled with reminders of his trauma and greatest insecurities. Making fun of him for growing up in poverty, saying he can't have friends, poking at his breakup and fear of abandonment. He has direct flashbacks to his childhood with some of these, becoming forced to relieve times when he was at his most powerless. This lack of power pushes him to try and regain that control. He's not poor! He has more riches than you can shake a stick at! You can't make fun of him for how he eats, do you have any idea who he is? He's fucking Blackbeard! Choose your next works carefully, dog, and decide if you want to bring up Stede anymore.

It's instinct. As much as jerking your hand away from a burning iron. He's being hurt, he needs to make it stop.

But it doesn't work. Not only does it not work, Ed knows it too. He may have more riches, but the French captain will still view him as something vulgar. He's fucking Blackbeard, but what does it matter if the party will continue laughing at him? "There he is..." The Blackbeard who Stede abandoned, the same as always.

In a world of cartoon violence, there's little care Ed needs to afford towards the lives he takes. That's not the problem. The problem is that the harder he tries to maintain control, the more he loses it. And the less control he has, the angrier he becomes. And the angrier he is, the more desperate he becomes to keep himself safe.

Ed is playing a game rigged against him from the start. He exists in a system meant to antagonize and hurt him while surrounded by vultures waiting for him to prove them right that he does lack discipline where no matter what action he takes he loses. How could he be anything other than furious about it?

His anger is a perfectly logical reaction to his situation, and there's no point in denying that it exists like it's something shameful. Ed needs tools to help him cope with this, a support system that has his back, and an environment that nourishes him instead of constantly putting him at risk of dying.

#ofmd meta #edward teach #ofmd

323 notes · View notes

polysyndetonaddictsupportgroup · 10 months

Note

HELP your time travel shenanigans fic idea about toji being very much alive but still putting the fate of his two little ass kids in the hands of a bunch of 16-17 year olds even if he’s still breathing. if i was megumi then my abandonment issues would’ve gone crazy if that happened to me 😭. mamaguro is looking down from the pearly white gates IN ANGER at toji’s audacity i just know it.

but now i’m curious on other ideas (that you have) for fics about jjk that you may or may not get to after sea glass gardens.

see the sad thing is that letting a bunch of 16-17 year old bitchy disaster gays discover the magic of teen parenthood is actually a step up because he had already sold Megumi to the Zenin and feral wolverines would be a better alternative to them. This was the best parenting decision toji has ever made.

(Time travel!Megumi: look we don’t have any other options. Anything is better than the Zenin.

Gojo, in the distance: they’re what three? That’s old enough for a red bull

Geto: I will actually kill you over this satoru

Time travel!megumi: *deep breath*)

A loose catalogue of my jjk fics, which may or may not exist one day:

Sea glass gardens verse:

I am forever compelled by the siren call of expanding my fics into universes because one story is never enough for me. I’ve got threeish stories in this universe, with no promises of how many, if any, I’ll write.

1. The Teen Parenting Chronicles: Gojo, Nanami, and Shoko’s expert guide to raising children when you are, in fact, children. Featuring what the fuck happened with the Zenin the first time around.

2. Megumi’s pov of what just happened leading up to sea glass gardens: someone asked me if I’d ever write this and it has the highest chance of existing because I have. Sort of. Started writing it. I have impulse control issues.

3. Okkotsu Yuuta and the world’s longest distance panic attack: crack fic of Yuuta on his study abroad trip becoming increasingly more frantic at the other second year’s updates as to how His Boy’s first year as a jujutsu sorcerer is going. What do you mean sukunas there. What do you mean he doesn’t have a shirt. Well put one on him!

Time travel AU:

1. The Time Traveler’s Guide to Fucking Shit Up And Living Well: following another attempt on their lives by the higher ups, the first year gang is forced into a desperate, high stakes gamble with a time-centric curse that puts their very existences at stake. If they want to survive, they have to complete one task of their choosing in the past before the clock runs out. Their mission?

To punch fushiguros shitty bio dad in the face, something which will surely have no long term consequences on the timeline.

See this one has the most chance of actually existing one day because it is by far my FAVORITE jjk fic I have. It even beats out sea glass gardens. I desperately want to write it.

2. The 2006 Gang and the Art of a Good Union: following a confusing incident with the star plasma vessel and three unknown sorcerers, the 2006 Tokyo jujutsu high first and second year class inexplicably goes off the rails and retires from jujutsu sorcery, claiming that they’ve discovered the magic of teen parenthood and can in no way risk themselves in such a dangerous profession now that they have kids to think about. At least, not with the way things are run now.

No one knows where they got the children from.

3. Toji Fushiguro and the Dead Beat Dad Chronicles: in which toji fushiguro succeeds at being a dead beat baby daddy to two teenaged gay boys and their crew of bitchy lgbtq compadres, who in no way want him to be involved in their children’s lives.

Standalones:

1. “Fushiguro is unleashed in junpei’s school like an invasive superpredator” AU: I’ve talked about this one in way more detail in another post for an ask game, but the idea is that itadori discovers junpeis abuse at school and says Not On His Fucking Watch and escalates the matter to gojo, who decides the funniest possible solution while they try to draw out mahito is to unleash his all star delinquent son into junpeis high school to bully the bullies.

Fushiguro resents this as a problem solving strategy.

2. The Zenin raise Megumi AU: also discussed in more detail in an ask game. In which people took Tsumiki’s little brother from her, but she’s trying to get him back, she promises.

Or, in which the Zenin take megumi, leave tsumiki, and they both spend every day after fighting to get back to the other.

3. Sort of a no curse AU: Itafushi romance story, in which local himbo Itadori Yuuji falls for delinquent Fushiguro Megumi when his grandpa is placed in the room next to Fushiguros comatose sister. Starts as a no curse AU… except there’s totally curses, Tsumikis mom just moved them to Sendai without telling anyone so the Zenin never found Megumi, and he’s just never told anyone about the curses he sees because he’s worried he’s schizophrenic. He thought the shikigami thing was a metaphor for self actualization or something.

4. Fushiguro Megumi and the World’s Most Inconvenient Custody Battle: pre JJK0, Geto decides to be a shithead magic terrorist at a local school that represents all the worst of monkey society: it’s known for a rampant bullying issue, which is a breeding ground for cursed spirits, and it contributes to the risk to jujutsu sorcerers by feeding a local legend of a haunted bridge that could explode into a serious curse any day.

What he didn’t count on? Finding the new Ten Shadows in the student body, who’s fully willing to kamikaze them both if it means saving his sister’s life.

And who doesn’t seem to be aware that he more than has the potential to take suguru in a fight.

In which Fushiguro just wanted to shut up, go to school, and go home, and instead finds himself in a binding vow to give cult life a whirl to save the lives of classmates he doesn’t even like all that much.

It involves oddly more parenting than he expected.

5. Fake Fiancés AU: prodigy and noble prize winning physicist Gojo Satoru, following a very ill advised fuck buddies arrangement with fushiguro toji, has settled down into domestic bliss with the two kids he took from the relationship despite them not, in any way, being related to him. The problem? His ex is back in town. The hot one. The one who broke up with him and started a cult. The one who he wants to convince he got over when he absolutely did not do that.

The solution? Tell everyone he’s happily engaged to Nanami Kento, who cannot express enough how much he does not want him to do that.

… until, all of a sudden, he needs a show of domestic bliss himself. His adoptive son’s older brother, sukuna, has crawled out of the woodwork and decided to make a play for custody himself. And Nanami does not know what Sukuna truly wants, but he knows it does not have Yuuji’s best interests at heart.

I share custody of this story with my best friend, who cocreated it with me over deranged text message. I may convince her to joint write it with me if I ever get her to publish her fanfic.

6. Todo Aoi and Schrodinger’s Boyfriend: Todo’s beloved brother, who is most assuredly a man, suffers some kind of terrible brain damage that leads him to confess he loves an assless boy. Todo cannot abide by this, until it’s pointed out to him that if Fushiguro’s type is his brother, that would make him the most interesting man alive. If it is not, he continues to be a boring and uninteresting boy.

Todo sets off on a mission with two goals: determine if fushiguro megumi is interesting, and get him to do some squats. because there’s simply no ass there.

Fushiguro wonders why his life is suddenly harder.

7. Choso and the Art of Being a Big Brother: choso discovers the truth of kenjaku early and does the only logical thing in response: he kills his father in his sleep, cuts out his brain, and delivers it in a jar to his new brother Itadori Yuuji as the first step in wooing him into domestic sibling love.

Megumi doesn’t know where these people come from. Or why all of them think itadori is their brother.

8. SatoSugu realizes their little boy is all grown up when he gets his first crush on a boy when he meets yuuji.

They do not fucking take it with grace.

Also co-written with my best friend via text message.

9. The instagram chronicles: crack fic in which the jujutsu sorcery personnel crisis gets worse, because nobara Kugisaki keeps trying to hard launch her instagram influencer career, and keeps accidentally making every jujutsu sorcerer instagram famous except for her

10. So I don’t actually ship Yuuta and Megumi, but I do really like the idea of low stakes relationships? Like, especially for teen romances. You tried it, decided you were better off as friends, and just went back to being friends. I just like the idea of fumbling around in relationships and getting a sense of boundaries and what you’re interested in without it being a big, world-shaking romance. It seems like a more realistic portrayal of high school relationships than every one of them being this world-defining mature love.

Pre season 1 but post JJK 0, Yuuta and Megumi dated for maybe a month and half, held hands maybe twice, and decided that they were better off as friends and parted on good terms. The issue?

No one realized they were dating. And when it is realized, everyone thinks their relationship was torpedoed because the second years kept inviting themselves onto their dates.

Cue the jjk high school students trying to amend old mistakes and get Yuuta and Megumi back together, who do not, in fact, want to be back together. Headlining Inumaki Toge, who is half in love with Yuuta and does not know why he’s helping get him together with someone else, and Itadori Yuuji, who is half in love with Megumi and also does not know why he’s helping get him together with someone else.

#I want to go on record that fushiguro expertly crafted a binding vow to get out of that time travel thing and the task was going to be ‘try #that ramen place that closed down before we could’ until yuuji said ‘haha fushiguro why don’t we go punch your shitty bio dad in the face’#and now they’re doing this he guesses #Yuuji didn’t think it would activate like that okay #it was mostly an accident but also he really fucking hates megumis dad #he’s cultivated seething resentment towards him since Megumi in an act of rare vulnerability confessed that his dad sold him to the Zenin as #a kid and that’s why gojo has custody #he. really wants to punch that guy. he REALLY wants to punch him.#the time travel AU exists in parallel with sea glass gardens #sea glass gardens is its backstory but it’s not an official continuation of that makes sense #it’s an AU of my own AU if that makes sense

40 notes · View notes