#has a lot of bottled up aggression but never could let his emotions surface and poppy gets it out of him during the breaking point

[spooky-pop]

I crave passionate Broppy angst

[devildomimagines]

could we maybe get the brothers' reactions to an mc that has a lot of bottled up anger issues? kinda similar to how satan is with his wrath, but they just... can't stay mad for very long; they can be upset, sure, but mad? angry, even?? maybe for like, idk, a minute before it just fizzles out.

Sure thing! I love exploring emotions so let's go~

Belphegor

He doesn’t totally understand the rage but he’s lived with Satan long enough.

Though don’t get him wrong, he’s been angry before, frustrated and grieving to the point of murder *cough* but typically he doesn’t have the energy to expend.

Belphie definitely knows the feeling of fatigue once the anger has run its course and left you burnt out.

He offers you support in those moments, calm and quiet so as to not fan the embers.

If he’s awake, he recognizes the first signs of your anger. Your short replies, the tension in your jaw and the way your fists clench and unclench.

He’s never seen you let loose but he secretly wants to see the destruction you could cause.

If he catches it in time, he’ll pull you away from the situation, claiming he needed you for a nap.

Beelzebub

The same as his twin, not typically angry but understands from being around Satan.

The only times you can remember seeing him in a fit of anger were when he was denied food one too many times or when his team lost their Fangol match.

Beel doesn’t think you would be as explosive as he has seen Satan be but he also doesn’t want to take the chance and have you get in trouble.

I like to think he’s pretty attuned to his human, he can sense when their heart rate raises or feel the tension in the air when their anger flares.

He immediately takes steps to extricate you, even if that means throwing you over his shoulder and booking it out the door.

I think he would go to Satan for things that he does to calm down to try to help you. He wouldn’t name you, to keep your privacy, but unfortunately he’s a terrible liar so it’s pretty obvious.

Since he’s built like a brick house, he offers to be your punching bag if you ever need it, he swears he wouldn’t feel a thing. It’s tough to stay mad long enough to take him up on that offer but it’s appreciated.

Asmodeus

I think Asmo has the best understanding of wrath having heard it from the source directly.

Satan has monologued Asmo’s ear off about everything from how he felt to how he dealt with it.

When Asmo sees the same anger in you, he immediately jumps in, just as he would with Satan.

The only thing that won’t work on you would be Asmo’s charmspeak. Since you aren’t affected by his Avatar, he can’t sweet talk you down off fury’s ledge.

He knows other tricks, breathing exercises or distractions work just as well and he’s noticed you’re much quicker to recover than Satan would be.

He worries for the times you’re not with him, would you use his tricks or would you let the anger fester and bubble up under the surface?

The easiest solution in his eyes is to always be with you, no need to worry if he’s always available to you.

Satan

Satan has felt the familiar pangs of wrath coming from you previously and he gets it. Good lord does he get it. He’s never related to someone more than you, once you’ve disclosed this about yourself.

He nods when you describe it as the anger starting out slow and red-hot like lava creeping through every vein in your body. 

Then it’s all consuming and all you can feel is the fire of wrath. In those moments you recognize the need to punch, kick, or scream; something to relieve the fury.

But before you can act on it, the rage is gone. You’re left charred and feeling empty inside; the fire having consumed your being and left nothing alive.

He can share various things he’s learned to keep his own wrath at bay but it doesn’t always help so he’s promised to be your outlet when you need to let go.

He’d rather you explode at him than finding you in the aftermath of being burnt out. It breaks his heart when you give him that look that both says “you’re too late” and “I’m sorry, I tried.”

Satan would never be disappointed in you, so he reassures you all the time, “There’s no need to bottle up your emotions around me.”

Leviathan

We’ve all seen him get angry in game, mostly exploding at Mammon.

In those situations, when he’s comfortable, he’s very expressive, but more than the other brothers, he understands bottling up undesirable emotions that you don’t want to deal with or have others deal with.

He knows firsthand how that doesn’t help, if anything it escalates the issue in your own head. It’s like an echochamber of all your worst thoughts being amplified.

Levi offers to always listen to you rant, wherever, whenever. It’s the middle of the night and Beel’s destroying the kitchen on the other side of your bedroom wall for the 6th night that week? Give him a call. Asmo dragged you out to a club and you’re tired and want to come home? Call him, he’ll come get you. Mammon sold one of your personal items? He will gladly add it to the list of things he pesters Mammon about.

Just as you have listened to his rants on video games, anime or manga, he’ll be there to listen to your rants if it helps your anger.

He doesn’t know specific techniques to help but he can offer examples of what they did in the anime, “My Roommate Leaves Dirty Dishes in the Sink for so Long That They Get Moldy and Now I Need to Use One of the Moldy Dishes. Is It Passive Aggressive to Ask Them to do the Dishes or is it Just Aggressive?”

If you don’t want to talk about it then he’ll offer to take out your anger on some video game baddies as a substitute.

Mammon

Not gonna lie, he might be the cause of your anger sometimes.

When he’s not going through your things, he’s pretty clingy and a bit pushy. He doesn’t always say what he means and talks himself in circles when he doesn’t want to admit to something. It can be annoying if your personality doesn’t mesh well with that.

Mammon is, however, very quick to pick up on the shift in your demeanor. 

He’ll roll back his last action whatever it may be. If he threw an arm around your shoulder, he’d remove it. If he made a joke, he takes it back and apologizes. 

If it wasn’t something he did then he jumps to your defense, often putting himself in between you and the offending party.

He usually gives Satan space but Mammon wants to help you if he can.

I could see him being very sweet to you after an episode, trying to soothe the edges that came undone, even if only for a second.

Lucifer

King of swallowing emotions, let me tell you.

If you wanted advice on how to not bottle your emotions, this is not the demon for you.

He does understand the rage though. How it burns and devastates anything that comes in contact and how it can take on a life of its own……

Lord Diavolo help you if this is ever directed at Lucifer but if it’s not then he will happily offer his services to smite the cause.

Lucifer may worry that your wrath feeds off of and develops with Satan’s. The worst possibility being you start feeling resentment towards him just like the fourth born.

He will learn your triggers and will make an effort to avoid them if possible to keep your anger to a minimum.

Lucifer will always be available to talk to and would be comforting and accommodating behind closed doors.

[sunnyoldbear]

I’m no artist but all I think about is Luca so here are my headcanons for them when they’re older!

Luca:

As I said in a previous post, he gets a bit thicker as he grows since his whole family is on the thicker side and he’s very skinny.

His tail gets longer as he gets older and he’s like a little kitty with it. When he’s in the water, he sleeps on his stomach with it curled completely around him. He also wraps his tail around Alberto and Giulia at times if there’s ever a time where it’s raining or something when they’re in the surface.

He’s the shortest of the trio and he hates that with every fiber of his being. Neither of them let him forget it.

He loves space more than the movie lets on, and that’s saying something. He has read almost every book he can find on it and he rambles about it every day.

He is still pretty clumsy and his arms always have a few bruises or scrapes on them. He likes putting colorful bandaids on his cuts because he likes the colors.

He loves helping Giulia’s mom with painting! Not just modeling for her, but just painting with her or learning. It reminds him of Alberto. He’s not… good at it, but he loves it.

Oh he loves dogs. He’s still a little scared of cats after Machiavelli, but Nerone is his baby and he would do anything for that little pup.

Has a massive sweet tooth!

As expected, he loves learning about Vespas and how they work and everything. He does his research and writes letters to Alberto about the best books to read about Vespas to ensure they buy or make the very best one.

He’s always moving, just can’t sit still. He’s always bouncing his knee or kicking his legs or drumming his fingers. He just can’t help it. (He’s neurodivergent yes, but this is the 50s so…)

Still has very fishy sayings that no one but him, his family, and Alberto understand.

Can ramble for hours about the sea and how he can relate it to space. He still loves water and tends to list the names of his goatfish under his breath when he’s stressed to calm himself down. He still misses wrangling them, but he is so happy that he’s free.

Spends hours working on his handwriting because he doesn’t like how messy it is. He wants it to be perfect.

He’s very self conscious about most human things he does. The only thing he isn’t self conscious about is his swimming abilities, but he hides it pretty well. He’s most self conscious about his intelligence, or lack thereof. He’s meant to be at Giulia’s level of intelligence but since he was raised in the ocean, he knows next to nothing and so he has to work extra hard to get good grades. He stresses a lot about it and sobs if he gets a bad grade.

He’s a surprisingly good cook. It just relaxes him.

He loves flowers and learned how to make flower crowns.

He also loves collecting seashells he finds because it reminds him of home.

Like many agree, he is terrified of bugs, but he could never hurt one.

He’s very emotional, but that’s canon so.

His letters to Alberto are typically very long and full of emotions and things about his day, as well as random things. He doesn’t mind Alberto’s shorter letters, and he saves them in a box under his bed.

Every time he sees Alberto again he practically tackles him in a hug. The first time, both of them fell straight to the floor and were bruised for days.

He loves stuffed animals. Since it’s not “manly” to keep them, he gets them “for Giulia” and then puts them on his bed. (Modern day, he wouldn’t give a damn and just get them for himself)

Gets flustered super easily, as we see in canon. Be it an innocent romantic comment or a nice compliment, he goes super red and embarrassed, stumbling over his words.

Still says “silenzio Bruno” before he does anything he’s nervous to. Some kids at school are confused about it but he’s more confused at their confusion. How do they not know what a Bruno is? Isn’t it a human thing?

Loves to annotate his books. Associates certain books/book quotes with the people he loves and will give them those books or repeat the quote to them.

Though Genova is much more accepting than Portorosso, he is still bullied pretty badly when Giulia isn’t around, and sometimes even when she is. He pretends nothing happens or that it doesn’t bother him, but it does. It bothers him so, so much. Alberto can see right through him with ease and is there to remind him that everything is okay and he’s still loved. It helps, but not as much as Alberto thinks it does.

Even with the bullying, Luca loves school so, so much. That being said, he loves summer and being in Portorosso more.

Does that “look me in the eyes. You know I love you right?” thing he and his mother do to everyone he loves.

Alberto:

There is nothing he loves more than harassing Giulia. Being her brother, he loves to tease her, but will fight anyone who does the same.

Once decked Ercole. Got in trouble but Massimo secretly gave him a high five.

Cleaned up the island and erased the tallies he made for his father. He put some of Giulia’s fairy lights in there and has a few extra pillows, books in every corner and drawings all across the tower. He still has a lot of his human artifacts, but most of them are gone since he needs money for a Vespa.

His new tally board has “Reunion” scrawled at the top and its for waiting for his sister and best friend to return home.

Loves being a lifeguard.

Is super close to Machiavelli now and even adopted a stray to be his friend. Or uh… more than a friend, considering the big litter the cat soon fathered.

Alberto named all the kittens after fish.

He always draws things for Luca and eagerly waits his arrival.

Also has a massive sweet tooth, bigger than Luca’s.

Stores Luca’s letters away under his bed.

He and Massimo made Giulia’s hideout a proper treehouse and it’s now a study spot.

Has tons of books about Vespas. Massimo taught him to read and write.

He’s more self confident about his “human expertise” since he does it his own way.

One of the messiest eaters I swear to god-

Doesn’t care much about space, but he’ll listen to Luca ramble about it for hours without complaint.

Doesn’t really have anything he’s super interested in other than Vespas like how Luca likes space, but I might change my mind about that.

Loves watermelon!

His recklessness causes him to have as many bruises and scrapes as Luca’s clumsiness does, but he doesn’t care about putting bandaids on.

Alberto’s letters are pretty short but great!

Definitely bottles things up until he can’t anymore but he’s trying to get better.

Part of him feels guilty about catching and eating fish, but it’s hinted seamonsters eat fish so I’m accepting that as canon and saying he feels slightly less guilty about it. Definitely enjoys pasta more.

Loves the snow, especially when it means snowball fights. (Definitely throws them as hard as he can at Ercole. Son of a bitch deserves it.)

Oh yeah, he swears now. He’s heard a few swears around while making deliveries around the year and catches on. He makes a few of his own, too.

He just makes up words of his own as well as phrases. He doesn’t just convince Luca to say them. He convinces Massimo & Giulia as well as Luca’s fam. It’s a big, fun inside joke.

Loves turning into a sea monster and acting silly to make the kids around town smile.

Honestly he just loves being a sea monster. It’s great to be him. He feels free. It’s not as good a feeling as being on a Vespa, but it’s something.

He stares longingly at every Vespa he sees.

He probably named that girl cat Vespa or some variation of now that I think of it.

Giulia:

I see a lot of headcanons of her with glasses and I gotta say I love it! So, glasses Giulia!!!

Tallest of the three! Alberto hates her for it but she loves it.

She actually takes after her father more than she does her mother, contrary to popular belief.

Though she loves space, after her meeting with the boys, she’s thinking of marine biology. She stays up late every night researching everything aquatic. She constantly asks the boys about sea things and visits in that diver suit whenever she can.

She bullies Alberto as often as he bullies her. Their play fights look so aggressive that people think they’re actually trying to kill each other.

She’s constantly torn between chopping off all her hair or letting it grow out. She settles on leaving it medium length and tie it up.

A very yellow person! It’s everywhere. She loves it so much! The color of happiness, baby.

She’s the first to call Alberto part of the family, saying in a letter that her school wants to meet her brother. She got a letter from Massimo saying Alberto sobbed upon reading it.

Loves to paint with her mom but thinks bike riding is better. She loves that bike.

Harasses Alberto to put a sidecar on his Vespa for her. (Inspired by a drawing by aishimation on Instagram!)

Though she adore her mother, she’s a daddy’s girl and loves him so much.

Can and will punch anyone who calls her brother and her best friend a monster straight in the jaw

Hates her school uniform

Will also pour water all over Alberto just to piss him off

Summertime? I think you mean “training for the Portorosso Cup and also attack Alberto and Luca with a hose for a few months”

She loves to dance

Wants to get tattoos when she’s older

Very much a feminist and doesn’t care how much trouble she gets in for voicing what she knows is right

---

More on the way probably. These dumb gay Italian fish and their ginger friend is all I think about dhdhjdhdvdh

[mira--mira]

Hi! I was wondering

How do you think Hashirama and Madara would be in a Road to Ninja version?

I remember once reading a Hashimada fic (which I never finished RIP) that was about Madara appearing in the RTN universe and the 3 things that stucked with me were:

1.- Madara was the first Hokage (something that Madara thought was horrible when he saw his sculpted face on the Hokage mountain 🤣)

And personally I think that it would not have been like that even in the RTN universe because we didn't see his face along with the other faces of Hokages in the movie (Yeah, apparently I'm basing myself on a movie which I'm not even sure if it's canon or not, even though Kishimoto wrote it) and the RTN characters didn't seem to even know who Madara is.

2.- Hashirama having his bowlcut as an adult

And I agree with the Madara from that fanfic, it looks awful on him. Hashirama, babe, I'm sorry but the only ones who can rock that style are Guy Sensei and Rock Lee, I know you just were trying to be cool but it doesn't suite you.

3.- Tobirama was a porn writer

Instead of being a fan of forbidden jutsu and creating justus, he wrote porn novels a la Jiraiya. And I'll hold that headcanon with my dead hands.

The only other fanfic that places the founders in the RTN universe is one where the protagonist is Mito (it's an interesting one-shot that pairs her with Itama 🤔)

She was kind of a shy person 🤔? And so it was Tobirama 🤣 which I found fun.

Hashirama, as the first fanfic I mentioned, was the Tobirama of the place (saddenly Madara wasn't in this fic).

So I would like to know what are your versions of the founders (or only Hashirama and Madara if it is too much) in the RTN universe! And how do you think things would be

Hmm, RTN is an interesting concept to me but, to be honest, I don't think Konoha would exist if a lot of personalities got flipped 😂 I haven't read any RTN fics with the founders, but if you, or anyone else, have links at hand I'd love to check them out 👀

1. Madara

Here's the big one and the crux of why I don't think the village would exist. Typically I characterize Madara as an extremely responsible man who internalizes things when he shouldn't, takes himself way too seriously, is aggressive and abrasive even to people he loves sometimes, but genuinely loves the people closest too him. Reversing this would make a character that slacks off, takes no responsibility, and is completely passive in life and has fleeting attachments to others around him. Assuming he wouldn't die on the battlefield, I could see the RTN "alternate" personality coming about of Madara's being so overpowered and competent that he loses interest and distances himself from things before he can get attached and lose them.

It makes building a village very hard though. (At first I was tempted to go RTN Sasuke route and maybe RTN!Madara is a little more openly flirty than canon!Madara, but the passivity and refusal to take responsibility would be the "core" qualities for me.)

2. Hashirama

Hashirama is a bit weird because he has a lot of surface-level "conflicting" traits in canon. He is optimistic but he pushes beyond his natural attitude and uses it as a mask to hide instead of addressing his feelings. He's mischievous, likes jokes and games, and can be a bit hedonistic with his pleasure but can equally be serious when necessary and will willingly sacrifice for others around him. And simultaneously, Hashirama and Madara are connected by a shared sense of idealism but also anger. Hashirama is a very kind, but extremely angry, man. I think a RTN!Hashirama would share a kind of apathy of RTN!Madara but instead of passivity his lack of anger would manifest as cruelty. Because canon!Hashirama is angry but his anger is usually a righteous kind. I don't think RTN!Hashirama would go out of his way to be cruel, but he doesn't have the empathy of canon!Hashirama, especially to others' suffering. He enjoys fighting just a bit too much and has no qualms about killing. In his mind, he should always come first in any situation and prioritizing (or even considering) others' is effort and him going out of his way to be "nice" and the other should be thankful. Similarly if he feels any negative emotion, he won't bottle it up and swallow it down, he'll immediately address it, usually confrontationally. RTN!Hashirama is as intelligent as his canon counterpart but he doesn't suffer fools and he hates it when people underestimate him. He's pretty proud and vain, tbh.

I really don't think the above would make him the "Tobirama" of RTN verse. To me Hashirama and Tobirama have different core values and perspectives and inverting Hashirama's doesn't make it become Tobirama's, if that makes sense. This one is also wordy bc I immediately knew how RTN!Madara would be RTN!Hashirama is a bit harder to pin down. But I hope it's clear why I have doubts about the village existing...maybe if RTN!Hashirama got it in his mind as a pet project for the hell of it, that he'd be a better leader for the country and not just the Senju alone, and RTN!Madara liked the idea of no responsibility and being able to detach even further than he already was? But that's still kind of grasping for a reason.

3. Hashimada

Equally I think any Hashirama/Madara relationship would be ehhh. They definitely wouldn't have the overwhelming bond of their canon counterparts, and it could be a relationship ripe for unhappiness. The closest I can think of to making the ship work is RTN!Madara would be drawn to Hashirama's absurd level of self-confidence and able to let the casual cruelty slide off instead of getting worked up about it. In a way RTN!Hashirama is stable and predictable. If he's pretty overpowered, there's less of a chance RTN!Madara would lose him, so their relationship isn't deep but it's more or less dependable and Madara knows exactly what he's going to get. In contrast RTN!Hashirama has an audience in the form of RTN!Madara and a partner that's not going to push back against his ideas. RTN!Madara doesn't ask for much and he doesn't complain when RTN!Hashirama puts himself first. He doesn't want, or might not be capable of, the deep emotional bond their canon counterparts have. RTN!Madara wouldn't leave Konoha (if it existed) in the AU, because he doesn't really care. If someone upset RTN!Hashirama and he decided to leave to 'do it right' RTN!Madara would probably follow, maybe out of some loyalty for RTN!Hashirama but mostly because it's what's easiest.

4. Tobirama

The core of Tobirama's character to me is prioritizing logic over emotion and both a conscious and unconscious failure to realize he can't completely eliminate emotion. Tobirama loves his brother, he's curious and has a desire to find out what makes things work and is willing to bend morality to get results if it'll serve a greater good. He's very aware of the unfairness of the world but believes it's an unspoken truth of humanity and can only be mitigated through logical means, but never completely erased. He'll be the sacrificial lamb, the one that works in shadows so his brother can have his utopian dream. Despite everything, he loves his genin, the strongest bonds he has aside from Hashirama, and does try to instill in them lessons he think will help them and lead to peace and stability in the village. He's still influenced by the prejudices of his time and can never find it in him to truly forgive the Uchiha.

A RTN!Tobirama would be a man ruled by emotion. Him writing erotica all day definitely could be one way this manifests lol. But overall he's sensitive and spiritual and can't stand the idea of killing. He and RTN!Hashirama don't get along and he actively tries to avoid his brother. RTN!Tobirama has equally strong principles as canon!Tobirama, but they're pacifist in nature and while he likes his studies, he prefers to be out talking to people and learning from them first hand. He's very naive and can be easily taken advantage of and he has trouble focusing on any one thing for too long. No matter how many times this happens, he never can harden his heart or be overly suspicious of others. RTN!Tobirama would most likely be the one support peace in this AU. He embraces the Uchiha and all the Senjus past enemies with open arms, almost to a foolish degree. It'd be a bad idea if he became hokage in this AU because he's a terrible negotiator and has a bad people-pleasing streak and struggles with long-term tactics. With the exception of RTN!Hashirama, who he considers an aberration who doesn't have a soul, humans at their core all have good intentions at heart.

5. Mito

I characterize Mito as a very level-headed woman. Her marriage to Hashirama is political in nature but they grow to be good friends and she never expected to fall in love and she's glad Hashirama didn't want a traditional wife. Mito is devoted to her community work (she works hands-on with people in the village), she seeks out connections with others and, despite the distance, remains close with her family in Uzushio, constantly writing them letters. She's spiritual and follows the Uzumakis' beliefs (not gonna list this OoT spoiler lol) and studies fuinjutsu in her spare time, something she's done since she was a child. She is willing to sacrifice if it meant protecting something she considered greater than herself, much to her own personal detriment. She loves and is proud of her children and grandchildren, but if she had a choice, she would have chosen to remain childless, she finds her true calling elsewhere.

RTN!Mito, similarly to RTN!Tobirama, is ruled by emotions. She dreams of one day making a good marriage for herself and centers romance and being a mother as her ideal life, but she's extremely picky when it comes picking the perfect husband. RTN!Mito knows how much she's worth and she refuses to settle and will not even entertain the idea of an arranged marriage. She has a hard time forming long-lasting, deep bonds with other people and views starting her own family as the solution to this problem. At times she can be a bit absent-minded and unintentionally selfish, but she's not actively malicious. She blusters a lot and depending on the situation can come off as cold and uncaring, but it's only to hide the depth of her true feelings and loneliness. In this AU she would absolutely refuse to marriage RTN!Hashirama. Nothing on hell or earth, could make her change her mind.

Mito is such a blank-slate character it feels like writing an oc more than a canon character, tbh. And this is something I don't see brought up a lot but a "heart full of love" to combat the kyuubi's hatred to me has never been exclusive to romantic or familial (to children) love. *cough* I want a complex female character who's not vilified for not wanting to have children and/or regretting having them *cough* Mito's "love" was for the people of Konoha and Uzushio. My personal headcanon regarding her and Hashirama's child (I don't think she had more than one) was that she was dedicated to her son, but quickly realized being a mother wasn't her dream or something she even actively liked. The kid was well-cared for and she was dutiful towards him, but Hashirama was the parent that loved and embraced him with his whole heart and it led to some tension between Mito and her son as the kid could tell the difference and neither of them were "wrong" to feel the way they did. This is why Tsunade was shown with Hashirama instead of Mito, he was a lot more present in her life when she was young (instead of Kishi just not having made Mito as a character yet). But after Hashirama and Tsunade's dad died (and then Nawaki), she and Mito grew close but it was definitely more of a friendship or student/mentor relationship rather than a traditional grandmother/granddaughter relationship but both were satisfied with it and loved eachother. Likewise I didn't want RTN!Mito's characterization to be shallow and hit misogynistic undertones with her being an "opposite" to Mito's calm, level-headed, focused on her work/passions characterization.

6. Closing thoughts

#1: Wow this got long #2: I feel conflicted about RTN because it seemed to flip surface-level characteristics instead of deep characterizations, and ignored flaws altogether. The ones above, esp. Hashirama and Madara's, are kind of dark in a way? But that's the only way it makes sense to me...Gai and Lee caring about style and being stylish is a funny joke but if you were to actually poke and prod and say their personalities were inverted, neither of them would be top-notch ninja as we know...unless I'm just completely misremembering RTN because I realize it's been years since I saw it lol. Anyway, hope this was entertaining!

[hermit-pistol]

Leone Abbacchio Fluff Alphabet:

And with that, the 600 follower special is concluded! I know that they took me forever to finish but I hope that you enjoyed reading them! Please like and reblog to show love, and read some Abbacchio fluff under the cut:

A ctivities - What do they like to do with their s/o? How do they spend their free time with them?

Abbacchio enjoys the simplicity of doing nothing and going nowhere. Honestly, some of his favorite activities that you do together take place in the courtesy of your own home. Don't get it twisted though, he still will take you out for the occasional meal and show you a good time!

B eauty - What do they admire about their s/o? What do they think is beautiful about them?

He admires your ability to stay calm. Other people he has known in the past would tend to annoy him with how high strung they were. He much rather prefers a partner that he can sit in comfortable silence with, and can just go with the flow of everything.

C omfort - How would they help their s/o when they feel down/have a panic attack etc.?

Abbacchio, to be fair, has had his own fair share of emotional baggage, so he knows what you're experiencing all too well. Thankfully, he also knows how to overcome the situation when these feelings grow to be too much. He'll whisper words and phrases of affirmation, assuring them that everything will be okay and that he will always be there for them.

D reams - How do they picture their future with their s/o?

His vision of the future is very uncertain, and in all fairness, he couldn't even believe that he'd made it this far in his life. His previous career as an officer and currently being in the mafia were certainly not considered "safe" jobs. He does want a future with you though, no matter how risky the job. He just won't think too far ahead.

E qual - Are they the dominant one in the relationship, or rather passive?

Abbacchio is very passive aggressive. He'll be very lenient when it comes to making decisions in the relationship but can obviously step it up if needed. Most of the decision making will be in the hands of his partner for sure.

F ight - Would they be easy to forgive their s/o? How are they fighting?

He bottles things up until they explode at the surface. He'll yell and most likely something will come out harsher than intended, this ends up with him being in a position where he has some serious explaining to do. Things will work out eventually, but things might be rough for a while.

G ratitude - How grateful are they in general? Are they aware of what their s/o is doing for them?

He loves you for showing him that living wasn't all that bad to begin with. Life hasn't been very kind to him and you know that. When he's having very low moments, you remind him of his team and you who both love him very much. You are one of the only reasons that he keeps on going.

H onesty - Do they have secrets they hide from their s/o? Or do they share everything?

Getting Abbacchio to open up and speak about the things that he's experienced in this lifetime will take a lot of coaxing and convincing. In time, he'll tell you when he's ready, but for a good while he'll be very selective with what he wants to share with you. Only when the time comes and he feels that you're worthy of knowing will he come clean. Be ready.

I nspiration - Did their s/o change them somehow, or the other way around? Like trying out new things or helped them overcome personal problems?

He has a hard time seeing the positives of a situation, and before he met you, he was truly unhappy with his life. It took him so many years to learn that seeing things from a different, more optimistic point of view really made a huge difference. He thanks you for opening him up to new experiences.

J ealousy - Do they get jealous easily? How do they deal with it?

Abbacchio does not mess around when it comes to you getting attention from other people. He may appear passive at first, but he’s had an eye on the two of you this whole time, don’t worry. If things get out of hand, he’ll just drag you out of there so fast you won’t even have time to process what just happened.

K iss - Are they a good kisser? What was the first kiss like?

Abbacchio is a very rough kisser, to the point where you have to remind him not to leave marks on your lips. There's a time and a place for everything, but it takes some reminders to let him know that a simple showing of affection shouldn't result in your face being all but ripped off. Other than that, he's got quite the natural talent.

L ove Confession - How would they confess to their s/o?

The funny thing that sets Abbacchio apart from the others is that he won't outright tell you that he loves you. He very much so believes in the concept of tough love, and even though he can be unbearable at some points, it's very rarely that he verbally expresses that he loves you. It's rather expressed in the actions that he does.

M arriage - Do they want to get married? How do they propose? What would the marriage be like?

He's going to wait for ages until he pops the question, so long in fact that you had thought about proposing to him just to get it over with. He'll ask for the help of his team to put the wedding together since he doesn't have much to work with in terms of family. When it's all said and done, he'll totally have to fight the urge to break down into tears when he sees you walking down the aisle. You just look so beautiful!

N icknames - What do they call their s/o?

Abbaccchio really doesn't need nicknames, unless you ask him to call you something specific. If not, he's content with referring to you by your name. After all, it is the most sincere form of flattery as they say.😳

O n Cloud Nine - What are they like when they are in love? Is it obvious for others? How do they express their feelings?

Only a few people can tell that something is up with Abbacchio (mainly, Bruno and Fugo) and once they figure out what's going on with their teammate they can't help but smile. They'll leave teasing out of it because they know that the others might go too far, but whenever you enter a room they share a knowing glance as they watch him clam up on the spot.

P DA - Are they upfront about their relationship? Do they brag with their s/o in front of others? Or are they rather shy to kiss etc. when others are watching?

He's not very fond of showing his affection in public, and sometimes this really gets on your nerves. There are times where he doesn't even feel comfortable holding hands with you, but you try to respect his wishes. You know that he's just a little awkward and shy when it comes to these things and that his actions in the outside world are completely different compared to when you share alone time.

Q uirk - Some random ability they have that’s beneficial in a relationship.

(I know this might be one you guys have heard of before but it can't leave my brain so-) Abbacchio can sing, and he can sing quite well. But he will never do so in front of people, and even in front of you. The only times that you can hear him is when he thinks that you have left for the store and sneaks into the bathroom. One time you had your ear pressed against the door so hard that it accidentally opened. He was holding a hairbrush like a microphone and was less than pleased that you had found him.

R omance - How romantic are they? What would they do to make their s/o happy? Cliché or rather creative?

It may not seem like it, but Abbacchio can be quite romantic. When the two of you are alone he might offer to give you a massage or might shower you in kisses of his own accord. Both of those might end up leading to something else, of course ;)

S upport - Are they helping their s/o achieve their goals? Do they believe in them?

He will always make sure to make sure that you have complete confidence in whatever you decide to pursue. If you succeed, then he will be the proudest man you've ever seen. Even if you experience some shortcomings he'll encourage you to keep trying and re-adjust your goals so they can be more attainable.

T hrill - Do they need to try out new things to spice out your relationship? Or do they prefer a certain routine?

Abbacchio doesn't really come across as the type of person that's spontaneous. While he doesn't like surprises, whenever he does have a nice gesture planned he wants to make sure that you're prepared for (possibly) one of the best days of your life. He hypes it up in subtle ways like "Pack your bags" and "Make sure to bring your swimsuit". 😉

U nderstanding - How well do they know their partner? Are they empathetic?

Don't let his emotional unavailability at times fool you, for he can understand your emotions quite well. He'll pay attention to details that could decipher your moods, like the slam of a door or heavy sighs as you shuffle your feet into the living room. Of course, he'll ask you how to make you feel better, but he secretly prides himself on his awareness when it comes to you.

V alue - How important is the relationship to them? What is it’s worth in comparison to other things in their life?

Abbacchio isn't the best at maintaining relationships with people, unless they're very special to him. You are easily one of the best things that's ever happened to him, and if you weren't in his life he'd be extra grumpy and then some. You are his rock, and he cherishes you every single day the two of you are together.

W ild Card - A random Fluff Headcanon.

When the two of you aren't busy, you insist on having a "couple's night" which consists of watching a movie together. He’s a bit of a “fun killer” when it comes to having a movie night, turning down almost every idea and suggestion that you have. You eventually decide on a basic horror movie, with Abbacchio grumbling through it the whole time. He does enjoy when you cling to him during the scary parts, though.

X OXO - Are they very affectionate? Do they love to kiss and cuddle?

Abbacchio can be affectionate when he wants to be (only when you’re ALONE). There are times when he doesn't want to be in the same room as you, and then others when he's clinging to you no matter how hard you try to escape. Catch him in a good mood and he'll even nuzzle his head into the crook of your neck.

Y earning - How will they cope when they’re missing their partner?

Whenever you've been away for a bit, Abbacchio will seemingly be unfazed by your lack of presence, almost to the point where it bothers you. Your man really doesn't show that many emotions, huh. When you walk through the door; however, he'll be there in the doorway ready to greet you and wrap you in a giant hug. You smile, knowing that he secretly missed you after all.

Z eal - Are they willing to go to great lengths for the relationship? If so, what kind of?

He's not the type of guy to give gifts or do anything extravagant outside of special occasions. If you're having a bad day he will bring you dinner and listen to you vent. If you're the one, he's willing to go the extra mile in maintaining the relationship and wanting to keep you as happy as possible.

[my-emotional-self]

The Soulmates Chapter 8

Moodboard by @princess-evans-addict​

Pairings: Steve Rogers x OFC x Bucky Barnes

Warnings:  Swearing, exotic dancing, drug use

Summary: Being born with the words of two soulmates was rare, and you were one of them.  You had no idea that when you started a new job as Pepper Potts’ personal assistant you would end up finding both of your soulmates.  Things start off great, but what happens when Steve and Bucky find out about your double life and your side job?

You stayed with Steve and Bucky Monday night, not having to work at the club as it was closed. Tuesday and Wednesday flew by way too fast.  Tuesday was a regular night at the club for you, but it was now Wednesday evening as you left your apartment and headed to the club.  It was Rock night; the night you dreaded most.  You never had to work Rock night in the past, but now you did and you were not looking forward to it.  The girls always complained how it was their least favorite night to work because the tips were horrible.  The men were grungy and touchy and most of the tips were in the form of one dollar whereas on the nights you worked, you usually got nothing smaller than a ten dollar bill.  Plus, you had regulars that came in just for you on your regular nights.  Now you were forced to work all five nights the club was open.  

Sitting at your vanity station, you began to pile on the black eyeliner and eyeshadow.  You were already dressed in your new red leather underwear with a cut up Linkin Park t-shirt.  It was cut like a crop top and you cut the collar so it hung off your right shoulder.  The black eye makeup really stood out against your red long wig.  

Tommy came into the room and set down a tray of cocaine in front of you; handing you a rolled up bill. “Have at it kid,” he encouraged with a smile.  You did two lines quickly, throwing your head back and sniffing deeply; rubbing your hand over your nose to clean yourself of the evidence.  “You’re up next.”

Giving Tommy a nod, you took one last look in the mirror.  “You can do this,” you whispered to yourself, standing up and heading out the door and towards the stage.  

“We’ve got a surprise for you tonight!  Everyone, welcome to the stage, Nikita!” the DJ announced as ‘Numb’ by Linkin Park began to play.  The crowd immediately began to cheer, more than likely from the song choice as you grabbed the pole.  

I’m tired of being what you want me to be

Feeling so faithless, lost under the surface

I don’t know what you’re expecting from me

Put under the pressure, of walking in your shoes

Caught in the undertow, just caught in the undertow

Every step that I take is another mistake to you

Caught in the undertow, caught in the undertow

You gripped the pole and hooked the back of your knee around the pole.  Quickly you began to spin around, feeling free as you kept twisting around the pole.  You thought this was a good song to start with, because at this point, you did feel numb. Having to lie to your soulmates was hard, and while you had thought about saying ‘fuck it’ and trying to get out of your deal with Tommy, you knew he could do some serious damage to you and you didn’t want to end up dead in a dumpster anywhere.  

I’ve become so numb, I can’t feel you there

Become so tired, so much more aware

By becoming this all I want to do

Is be more like me and less like you

Can’t you see that you’re smothering me?

Holding too tightly, afraid to lose control

‘Cause everything that you thought I would be

Has fallen apart right in front of you

You got off the pole, dancing erotically as you entertained the crowd in front of you.  You felt disgusted as this crowd was not your typical business men you were used to.  Getting to your knees, you began to gyrate your hips and whip your head around. Immediately you felt grimy hands on you and you shuddered, but kept in character.  

Caught in the undertow, just caught in the undertow

Every step that I take is another mistake to you

Caught in the undertow, just caught in the undertow

And every second I waste is more than I can take!

I’ve become so numb, I can’t feel you there

Become so tired, so much more aware

By becoming this all I want to do

Is be more like me and be less like you

And I know I may end up failing too

Making your way back to the pole, using your hands you climbed up a bit and twisted so you were upside down.  

But I know you were just like me with someone disappointed in you

I’ve become so numb, I can’t feel you there

Become so tired, so much more aware

By becoming this all I want to do

Is be more like me and be less like you

Still hanging upside down, you spread your legs so the pole was between them as you slowly slid down the pole.  As the song ended, the audience cheered and you quickly made your way off stage. Only one more song tonight and you were done.  Tommy kept his regular Rock night girls as the main event and you were happy with that. Usually you did anywhere from 4-6 songs on your regular night and you were grateful only having to do two of them tonight.  

“I feel like I’m dying I’m so tired,” you whined as you sat down on your chair.  One of the girls you had seen around, Starr, came over and sat next to you.  

“Here, take these. They help you stay awake,” she said as she placed two capsules down in front of you.

“What are they?”

“Adderall.  Tommy has a dealer so if you need more, you can ask him. I have a day job and these are a life saver!”

With how tired you were feeling, you didn’t even give it a second thought as you put the pills in your mouth and swallowed them with a big gulp of water.  

~~~

You didn’t sleep at all that night and you were still wide awake as you got to work the following morning. The Adderall really helped as it had a much longer lasting effect than the cocaine.  You ended up deep cleaning your entire apartment that night; the pills making you energized and feeling like you had to constantly be doing something.

That day at work, you were still running around like crazy.  You had gotten so much done you actually found yourself sitting at your desk, tapping your foot on the floor as you finished all your work and didn’t have anything to do.  

You were relieved when Pepper came into your office, letting you know it was lunch time.  But by then, the Adderall was beginning to wear off and you felt yourself beginning to crash.  You were beginning to think you took too much for your first time.  

“Hey sweetheart,” Steve said from behind you, startling you as you nearly dropped your plate of food on the floor.  “I’m sorry. Did I scare you?” he asked with concern.

You waved him off, giving him a weak smile.  “M’fine. Just tired,” you replied as you headed over to the large table and sat down.  

Bucky sat down to your right as his metal hand reached out and rubbed at your neck, making you moan at the feeling of how good it felt.  

“Are you feeling alright doll?” he asked as his hand moved lower and rubbed at your back.  

You nodded as you felt your eyes begin to droop.  “Yeah. It’s just with helping out my friend at night, it’s already starting to take a toll on me.  I’m tired.”

“You got a new job?” Pepper asked from across the table, sounding worried.  

You couldn’t help but chuckle at her worried tone.  “I’m helping a friend out Tuesdays thru Saturdays in the evenings.  She’s helped me a lot in the past and she was desperate. I didn’t want to let her down.”

“Well that’s very nice of you Rosalie.”

“Don’t worry Pepper. I don’t plan on leaving you high and dry,” you responded with a smile.  

“Good.   Because I don’t know what I would do if you quit. You’re the best assistant I’ve ever had.”

Emotions swirled from within you.  You had never known what it felt to be truly wanted or needed before, especially growing up. And here you were, feeling that way with not only Pepper, but with your soulmates as well.  

The rest of lunch was a rather quiet affair.  Bruce even emerged from the lab to grab a plate of food before quickly disappearing yet again.  

You gave Bucky and Steve a quick kiss before going back to your office; happy that Pepper had more stuff for you to get done.  

~~~

Steve and Bucky headed into the gym; both of them quiet.  

“She’s lying again,” Steve spoke freely as they each began to run on their own treadmills.  

Bucky turned his head to face Steve; his face sullen.  “I know pal. There’s something she’s not telling us about this job with her friend but I don’t know how to bring it up to her.”

Steve sighed next to his soulmate as he broke out into a fast run, wanting to take his aggression out. He was without a doubt beginning to fall in love with you and he knew Bucky was too.  But you were still a bit guarded and while he had no problems with that, he didn’t want you to keep lying to them.  

“Maybe we just flat out ask her.  Ask her where she’s working with her friend.  That way we can stop by every once in a while.”

Bucky shrugged, giving Steve a nod.  “That sounds like a good idea.  We can tell her we would like to bring her dinner every once in a while and see her on her break.”

The two of them jogged side by side on their treadmills; jogging for miles before calling it quits. By the time they were done, they were both dripping with sweat.  

Steve reached out for a towel, wiping the sweat off his face as Bucky chugged from his water bottle. Steve sighed, sitting down on the bench, hanging his head down low.  

“What’s on your mind?” Bucky asked, sitting next to his soulmate.

Steve shook his head, placing the towel over his neck as he turned to face Bucky.  “There’s just-I just feel like there’s more to her that she’s not telling us.  She seemed so energetic this morning when she got to work, and in a matter of a few hours, she was the complete opposite and looking ready to crash.”

“Well, I mean she did start her other job with her friend.  She could have just had a second wind this morning with working all day yesterday and all night.”

Steve thought about that for a second before shaking his head.  “Yeah I know.  But something just seems more off about her.  I mean…,” he stopped short, not knowing how to continue.  “Fuck!  Things are going so good between us but she’s barely opened up to us and now she’s lying to us, I know it.”

Bucky gripped Steve’s chin, tilting his head to face him.  “Hey.  We’ll get to the bottom of this.  One way or another.  We’ll get her to open up to us more and we’ll get her to tell us what is really going on. We are not going to lose her Stevie. She’s our soulmate and we aren’t going to let her go.”

Steve smiled at him, nodding his head before leaning forward and catching his lips.  

~~~

While you were grateful that Pepper found stuff to keep you preoccupied after work, you were utterly exhausted, barely able to focus.  By 2 pm that afternoon, you found yourself nearly falling asleep at your desk.  Your eyes kept roaming over to your purse, knowing there was still some cocaine in there.  

With a sigh, you got up from your desk, grabbed your purse and headed to the bathroom.  Locking the door, you placed your purse on the counter and opened the small compartment on the inside.  With shaky hands, you pulled the small baggie with white powder out. You knew this was a bad idea; you knew you would be falling down a deeper hole you ever wanted to, but at this point, you didn’t have a choice.  You needed this job more than anything.  This job brought you happiness; something you never in your life thought you would have.  It brought you a friend in Pepper, and it helped you find your soulmates.  

Without another thought, you opened the baggie, dipped your pinkie fingernail in it and inhaled it into your right nostril.  Your eyes were clenched shut as you felt the illegal substance take its course through your body.  You sniffled a few times, making sure you got everything down your nose before cleaning yourself up.  

Taking a look in the mirror, you felt disgusted with yourself but you knew your life could be much worse.  This was just a little something you needed to get you through your day.  Just a few more weeks of working all the extra shifts at the club and you would be fully adjusted; not needing anything extra to get you through your days.  Right?

As you made your way back to your office, Bucky and Steve were sitting in the chair across from your desk, waiting for you.  

“What can I do for you gentlemen?” you asked with a smirk, sitting down behind your desk as you folded your hands on the surface.  

Steve leaned forward and placed his elbows on his knees.  “We were hoping to stop by your job tonight and drop off some dinner for you.”

Immediately you felt your neck and palms break out into a sweat.  You knew sooner or later they would want to come visit you and that was just not an option right now.  Not only would they be disappointed that you had been lying to them about what exactly you were doing, you knew they would be downright pissed at where you were working. Standing on stage, nearly naked and dancing exotically for men every right.  Steve and Bucky were so protective of you, sometimes overly protective. And while you didn’t mind it, you knew things would not be good if they found out what you did at night.  Hell, they would angrily glare at men who just looked in your direction while the three of you would go out together in public.

“Umm, wow, that’s umm, so nice of you and all.  But umm, you know, I haven’t really told her about you two yet,” you stammered out.  

“Are you ashamed of us doll?” Bucky asked, his voice laced with sadness.  

Your eyes grew wide and you quickly jumped up from your chair and rushed over to him.  Placing your hands on his cheeks, you leaned forward and kissed him passionately.  Naturally, he took your breath away with the kiss.  

“No Bucky.  I am not ashamed of either of you.  I’m proud to call you both my soulmates,” you promised as you gazed into his eyes.  “It’s just, I would like to keep you two to myself for a little bit longer is all. I’m just not ready to share you with my friends quite yet.”  That made both of them laugh and you internally let out sigh of relief.  

They let you get back to work and you sat at your desk, pondering what to do next.  While it had been a few weeks of finding and being with your soulmates, you still hadn’t truly opened up all the way yet.  You had yet to tell them about your life growing up and the way you were treated in your family.  While it wasn’t your fault the way your parents treated you, you still felt shameful and embarrassed about it.  But this was Bucky and Steve you were talking about; your soulmates.  They had done nothing but treat you with respect; making you feel loved and wanted for the first time in your life.  They deserved to know about your past, about your life growing up.  

Letting out a sigh, you determined that next week you would sit them down and open up.  But for now, you just needed to get through the rest of the week first.  

[uservillanelle]

Killing Eve ― 3x05 (Review)

All awards go to.... JODIE COMER! Again, with each episode the show gets more intense and pulls us even deeper into the story. THIS episode? Honestly, it was way too short, in my opinion. It’s something we all have been wondering about ever since season 1. Hell, maybe since episode 1. Don’t lie to yourselves. You DID wonder about Villanelle’s past and what she might’ve been like. I know I did. And I know, people aren’t happy because we didn’t get to see Eve or other characters, but this is no filler/bottle episode. This is where we separate Villanelle from Oksana. This is where Oksana awknowledges Villanelle for who/what it is. A creation. Worst enemy. The Darkness. And I’m here to delve into that darkness. I hope you are ready for this.

Grizmet

Oksana finally arrives home. She enters the house with caution and of course there are pictures on the wall. Apparently her mother married some stranger. All of the photos are of Tatiana and Grigoriy. There’s also one of Grigoriy and Bor’ka. No other siblings. What does that tell us? No whole family photos. No Oksana, either. I think most of us have photos of ourselves hanging on the walls as well. But there has to be other photos of your family members too, right? Yeah. There are none. Who places at least 3 pictures of yourself on the wall in front of the entrance of the house? Am I overthinking it? Probably. I’ll let you ponder about it some more and hopoefully I’ll come back to this when addressing Tatiana further.

I just love how Oksana goes around the house without any care really while touching all kinds of things. She has to touch the cup or the pot with food, open the fridge. She explore with touch, instead of just looking or sensing it in any other way. That alone says a lot already and we are only few minutes into the episode.

I’ll be honest, I was confused for a while about the whole family thing, especially the siblings. We know for sure that Oksana has a brother, Pyotr. Bor’ka is Oksana’s half-brother, since he calls Tatiana mom. Now, Fyodor, on the other hand, is Bor’ka’s half-brother, but he is a complete stranger to Oksana and Pyotr. Remember, Grigoriy married 3 times. Besides Fyodor seems same age, if not older, than Oksana and Pyotr. It all makes sense, right? And then there’s Yula, Fyodor’s girlfriend. I think we just covered it. I really hope I didn’t confuse any of you lol! If I made a mistake in here, please let me know, since it was very confusing at first!

Bor’ka

Obsession truly runs in the family, just like anger problems. Scenes with Villanelle and children were always so interesting to me. Mostly because their interactions almost every single time were genuine, honest. Children have no filter. They say what they feel and what they think and so does Oksana. As long as she feels like the other person is being honest as well. In this case, it’s Bor’ka. He’s the first one who interacted with Oksana this episode. “Do you speak English?” “Elton John is English.” “Yeah, he is”. What a better way to talk about English than to include one of English legends like Elton John? He’s not only mentioned, but Oksana gets to dress up like him, talk about what kind of food he’d eat while being in different countries AND having a scene with Crocodile Rock! I mean THAT scene... for someone who doesn’t do well in groups and is socially awkward, I could relate to Oksana SOO much lol! Her disturbed face when everybody started dancing... if that ain’t us all! Anyways, back to the obsession. We all got them. Elton John just happens to be Bor’ka’s obsession. It’s also a way of coping with everything. Music is probably the best escape for me. As well as Killing Eve, of course. So it’s the same for him and really, it was a huge theme this episode too. Elton John is what connected Bor’ka and Oksana in a way. It was the foundation of their bond as siblings. Their first interaction was about Elton John. And the very last one was about him too, including the note that Oksana left to him. “Go See Elton”

Anger problems

I’m going to say this now. ALL of Tatiana’s kids are scarred emotionally. And I believe she had A LOT to do with this. Now, all of them are suffering and dealing with the pain, but mostly, aggression in 3 different ways. Let’s start with Bor’ka, shall we?

We have seen this poor little guy bang his head against the wall and later on hit himself. We also found out that his mother, Tatiana, told him that he was stupid and that he embarrassed family because he didn’t win the food contest. Clearly the mother didn’t care about her son’s feelings, but her owns and thus she blamed him for “screwing up”. Yeah, it’s not the first time she acts the way she does with him. And suddenly there’s Oksana sitting and watching the scene from a distance, somewhat curious about what the two are talking about? She knows. And she knew all along. I mean who can know a mother better than her own daughter? Back to Bor’ka. Tatiana has been behaving like this with him for a whiiile. All I see here is a toxic mother who doesn’t care about her child. Just her own ego. Could this be an example of how Tatiana used to behave around Oksana? Perhaps. Why would they show the scene to us to begin with? Because Tatiana hasn’t changed and that is exactly how she “takes care” of her children. Instead of coming up to her son and telling him that he will succeed next time and that he shouldn’t worry about this, she blames him. It’s just how it works with her apparently. So this is what Bor’ka does. Blames himself, because his mother says so. And on top of that he’s too young to understand that he was being mentally abused by his own mother. This is how he handles aggression and regret and all those negative emotions. By lashing out on himself, thinking that HE is the problem.

Then there’s Pyotr. I’m so grateful for the scene he had with Oksana in that warehouse, while he was hitting the sofa. This ‘anger problem’ runs in the family and Oksana has accepted in long ago. That’s why she says it so... freely once her brother asks her. I just love how they chose to show us that Pyotr and Oksana chose opposite ways of dealing with anger. Like he said, Pyotr chooses to ‘beat the crap out of’ sofa so he doesn’t have to beat the crap out of people. Oksana, on the other hand, prefers to beat the crap out of people, because it feels so much better. And then there’s young Bor’ka who decides to beat the crap out of himself for that. So three different ways of coping and neither of those are healthy. All of Tatiana’s children are carrying scars that reflect her negative attitude towards children and above all, the abandonment of the mother. Pyotr then asks his sister “do you think that’s weird?” so either someone already told him that it was weird, or he thinks it might be so he chooses not to tell anyone about it. He’s not comfortable with his ‘anger problem’ wheres Oksana doesn’t see it as a big of a deal.

We all know how Oksana operates by now. Right now though, all I can think about is the conversation between Konstantin and Eve back in 2x03 where he tells her to stop chasing Villanelle. He states that hatred and anger are the only emotions she understands and when she’s feeling them, people around her get hurt. Doesn’t matter if she cares about them or not. So it’s safe to say Oksana was through those emotions PLENTY of times already to know how she needs to cope with them. Other emotions? Not so much. However, she’s starting to feel them more and more as the show progress and her character develops further.

Pyotr

Never knew Oksana had a brother and I am soo happy she does. Pyotr is the sweetest, honestly. What is interesting to me is that he doesn’t know his mother at all. At least not that part of her. He told Oksana how the villagers say Tatiana is a ‘saint’ to which she replies with “people here don’t know her” and in a way she’s also saying “you don’t know her.” Instead, he listens to his mother and tries to be there for her and do whatever she asks of him. Similarly as Oksana would do with her father, I’m guessing based on her last conversaion with her mother. 

This makes me think that Pyotr is probably the least affected child in the family. Yes, he is naive and therefore somewhat innocent and in a way I’m happy he didn’t get to see that side of his mother because it would only break him. And now that Oksana took care of the mother, Pyotr is free to be whoever he wants to and do whatever he likes to as well. I hope we will see him again, but at the same time I don’t.. because if he will at some point come back, he will most likely have to pay with his life and really, I don’t think he’s smart enough to trace back to Oksana, so he’s pretty safe. Plus he will have to take care of Bor’ka now too. I’m sure they will be just fine.

Like Mother Like Daughter

Finally we reached the most interesting part of this review. The more I think about it, the more clear it gets just how similar Tatiana and Oksana are. They are basically mirrors reflecting the worst in each other. And the difference between them is that Oksana knows who she is and she has accepted it. Tatiana? Not so much. She doesn’t like to be reminded of her own “darkness” which only reaches the surface whenever Oksana is involved. 

The first scene we had with them together is when Tatiana arrived home and Oksana was freaking the fuck out. Why? Why is she so scared of her mother? And then see Tatiana surprised for a second and there suddenly she’s putting up this act before here family, this performance of being relieved and happy that her lost daughter is alive. First time watching it, I didn’t really get it... but you could see it in Oksana’s face. Her defensive stance. The way she basically just stood there, disgusted by her mother’s little play while she had her hands gripped into fists just in case. That says A LOT. But we still don’t know the history. 

Even before their reunion, the first thing Oksana did was check out the photos on the wall. We saw most of them were of Tatiana, obviously. But one of them in particular caught my attention. The way she looked... I could literally feel the coldness radiating from her gaze and it just remindfed me of Oksana’s prison record photo that we’ve seen back in season 1. Let’s take a look and compare. 

Is it just me, or do they have the same look? I see that “darkness” in them and what I also see is that they... are dead inside. Emotionless. They definitely don’t look like they are happy people. Because they weren’t. “I was not a happy person” “You were never a happy person” Oksana IS happier now than she has ever been. Mostly because Eve is alive and she’s the only one who truly knows her and accepts her.Who LOVES her despite her killing her best friend or ruining her boring marriage. Can we say that Tatiana ever found such a person? Guess it’s up for us to decide. Personally, I think she never had that kind of person. Yes, she was jealous of Oksana spending time with her father, probably having a closer, stronger bond with him than she ever had. So.. it evoked all those negative feelings inside of her and one day... she just decided to drop Oksana in an orphanage because why would she need someone who is ruining her relationship with her husband and who ultimately “ruined” her? It’s easier to just get rid of that person and continue living as you were before, except this time she had her husband AND her son all to herself, she was the only one who was “controlling” them now. Both, Tatiana AND Oksana love control. They love affecting people and having some kind of impact on them. But the thing is... they cannot be together in same place. There will ALWAYS be this competition of who’s better and who has more control and which one will end up being the family’s favorite, you know? So for Tatiana, the best way is to just kick Oksana out of her house, drop her wherever and pretend that she never existed. For Oksana? That’s clearly not enough because KNOWING that her mother is still alive, somewhere... doesn’t make her feel better. She can’t relax knowing that. That’s why she had to kill her. For Oksana, it’s either her or Tatiana and they just can’t exist together. So that’s what she did, tied the loose ends once and for all and did her both brothers a big favour. She ended that endless manipulation both Bor’ka and Pyotr was under. A parent should NEVER behave like that with their children so by the end of it, I wanted Oksana to kill her. Because that’s the only way SHE knows and we know that she is for sure dead and gone. The toxic snake is finally dead.

I just rewatched the “game night” scene where the family is gathered around the table and are playing a card game. In the teasers they included “I know you’re a killer” line and I was convinced that the family somehow found out about Oksana being an assassin but this is only a game. Unless...? It’s interesting that Oksana was the one accused of being a killer while the actual killer was Tatiana. Isn’t it a bit suspicious? I’ve seen a couple of people think that Tatiana might be the one who actually killed Oksana’s father and is only blaming her for “taking” him. Not only that, but they both were sitting across from one another, facing each other. The face off prevails yet again. Tatiana looks almost... proud that she eneded up being the killer. And Bor’ka was like “Mom, you murdered me.” And all Tatiana said was “I had no choice, Bor’ka”  Sure, it’s a game, I know and maybe I’m looking into it way too much, but she didn’t care much about the fact that she murdered her own son. Who’s the say she wasn’t an actual killer? Someone who not only got rid of her own daughter and dropped her into an orphanage but got rid of her husband as well?

So there’s a scene with Oksana talking to Grigoriy about her mother. Everything has been going smoothly until they reached the part of them talking about how she and her mother are “different” now. Grigoriy doesn’t know anything about Oksana. The fact that they included Tatiana herself in this scene by showing her looking through the curtains and minutes later coming out to offer her husband tea is a good way to tell that she doesn’t like or want Oksana to talk to her husband and most likely affect him like she affected her own father once? She interrupted the moment and in thus she took that power back, control. She made the moment about herself and asked Oksana to go back inside since she also has something for her. So she obviously cooked up this story for her husband and the rest of the family about how Oksana died and she was so hurt she’s crying every night because of it. I’m not sure if she cries at all, but if she does, it’s definitely not about “losing” her daughter.

Then there’s a scene at the festival. I really loved the conversation between Oksana and Bor’ka and how he told her that their mom called him stupid for letting their family down. I mean, we knew Oksana was suspicious of Tatiana that entire time and did not buy her bullshit for a second, but now that her half-brother confirmed it, the look Oksana gives her mother.... is straight up death sentence. There are several scenes of Villanelle giving her death glares to people before she actually kills them. This was one of them and probably the most powerful one. She was already planning to kill her. Right there and right then. And again, with phenomenal soundtracks.. they used “I see Darkness in You” and this has to be the most chilling, dark soundtrack perfectly fitting the scene. It’s so... so matching the feelings and I loved it so much. 

The soundtrack continued even after they switched to another scene meaning that the whole “feel” of the previous scene was contining. It did. Oksana put up a small show for her mother the very last time. She did something that she knew would annoy her mother. This was just a final test. To see if her mother would pass. She didn’t. It’s heartbreaking to think that the only sign of affection Oksana received during this last scene is Tatiana wiping her face clean. And that’s after she basically BEGGED her to do it. Of course, let’s not forget the outfit that she gave to Oksana, but this was the only thing she managed to comfort her daughter with... only to kick her out seconds later. Tell her that she never belonged to this family and that she didn’t want her there. And after saying those things... she had the nerve to lean in and place a kiss on her forehead. What a master manipulator and a lair. 

She refused to admit that she has the same darkness that Oksana has despite her daughter begging only one thing... to be loved and to be admitted to that they were.. the same. Even when her daughter was literally breaking down in front of her, Tatiana stayed completely emotionless. What kind of person let alone PARENT acts this way? It was her time to go and Oksana knew it. Now, I’m disappointed that they didn’t show how Oksana killed her. I mean, she killed A LOT of people, and this... this kill is very important. I wanted to see it, I wanted Tatiana to suffer but I don’t think she cared much? Eve after Oksana told her that she needs to kill her, there was NO reaction on her face. Meaning.. she’s definitely up there in psychopathy scale. 

I honestly thought that if she was to meet her family again, it would be her father. However, now.. I get it. Mother being the one who all this darkness comes from makes more sense. A part of me really wanted for Tatiana to actually accept her daughter and just take her in... but if that happened, why would Oksana go back to Eve and the rest of the world? She probably wouldn’t and that’s why things had to change. She had to lose her family in order to go back to Eve, who also lost her family. Because now they are each other’s family.

Ending scene

This is something I’ve been DYING to talk about. This is...  my favorite Villanelle/Oksana scene in entire show and probably the best scene of Killing Eve for me. Jodie’s performance during this final scene did it for me. There is NO way in hell she’s not going to win her second Emmy for this episode and scene alone. I’ve always been amazed by Jodie’s acting but this scene was something else. Like, this woman has no limits and she keeps surprising me and I honestly don’t know if there is really any kind of limit for her. There isn’t. And the best part of this.. is that Jodie had to film THIS specific scene before any other scene in this episode. Can you imagine how complicated this must be? To get into the right mind space before you actually shot any other scene? She’s lucky they let her have the headphones on which is suuuch a huge help, music always evokes feelings so picking the right song will do everything for you. And in this case, her listening to ‘Crocodile Rock’ once again.. knowing how much the song will mean to the family... it’s just heartbreaking. And she pulled it off... perfectly. She did it and that’s the true talent of an actor. I have no words to describe how mindblowing and phenomenal her acting was during that scene.

I would just like to point out one more thing, which, by now, might be obvious? Oksana is NOT a psychopath. I’m not the only one who says it and even though I’m not a psychologist or anything, she’s not a psychopath for me. She was brainshed about being one and believing she is one, believing her family is dead, ect. She’s more of a sociopath than a psychopath, since psychopaths arew born and sociopaths are made. Sure, she might’ve been born like this, to some extend, but the majority of all the crap she had to go through? It’s mostly her mother, the abandonment, the lack of love and care... it all builds up, you know. On top of that, like I said, she believed she was one and that there’s something wrong with her. So let’s just keep it in mind.. she’s not a psychopath. If this scene on the train didn’t change your mind about it... I don’t know how to help you see her in different way. She clearly is capable of feeling things and she might not be used to those.. but she is feeling them and that’s probably the biggest confirmation of that.

The first time I watched it.. I was completely overwhelmed by Jodie’s performance.. seeing all those emotions just wash over her face in matter of SECONDS... it’s so powerful and telling. It’s like... the past two seasons she was so desperate to FEEL all those things... wanting to feel them and even pushing herself into doing that and now.. she’s trying to supress them, because clearly they are way too much for her and she’s so overwhelmed herself. The similar scene to this? Is the bathroom scene in Amsterdam back in 2x04. That time she was smiling while having a break down because she realized she was able to feel things... that Eve made her feel those things and now she’s feeling.. the worst kind of feelings a person could go through. The anger... the regret, the hearbreak of having your mother reject you all over again... and of course the final realization that... theres no family for her anymore. And this brings me to my next point... Jodie breaking the 4th wall. First time I watched it, I didn’t even realize it.. just because I was so into the moment and Oksana was all over the place and I just didn’t catch it quick enough as it lasted only for a split second but it DID happen... just look at her. 

Breaking the 4th wall

We’ve seen it plenty of times before. Those of you who have seen Fleabag, Phoebe is just a master of that. However, breaking the 4th wall in that case is for comedy purposes. THIS? This is something deeper, darker, more meaningful. When I first saw this photo and when I actually looked at it.. at HER looking at ME... I got the chills. Breaking the 4th wall is a very bold and dangerous decision and in some ways I’m wondering why it lasted only for a second? Like some of the viewers probably didn’t even notice because she was just looking all over the place and her gaze lingered on US for a split second only. I mean, if it lasted longer.. if the scene faded or like zoomed in her face while she was eyeing the audience.. that would’ve been even more powerful and would have bigger impact? But the way I see this... is that Oksana is only starting to realize that Villanelle not who she is and that she created this persona that... ended up being her worst enemy? And now she’s becoming more aware of it? I did a bit of research on the 4th wall and I found these two interesting lines:

“ When you break the fourth wall, you creep into the secret mind of a character. Ever notice how many times it is used with psychopaths?“ (x)

This got me thinking. Not only we got to see Oksana in such a vulnerable place, trying to supress her emotions WHILE at the same time allowing herself to feel them.. but we also got THAT glimse of her.. of her looking at US and in a way saying “see? this is who I am now.” yet it lasts only for a split second, so that revelation only lasts this long... it’s marking the beginning of her new path. I’m not sure if this was even intended since it was so short, but a choice like this... it just had to be. And there has to be a reason why they did it the way they did. We’ve had other vulnerable and private scenes with Villanelle/Oksana all by herself... no mask on. But this, this is something more in depth now. It’s like.. in some way Oksana realized that all this ��story” and her life up to this point was a lie. So this makes the whole scene a breaking point. They crossed a line here and I am soooo interested to see where they go with Oksana next. I’m not sure if there is Villanelle anymore, but that’s the thing.. what will Oksana decide to do next? Based on the promo for next episode we see her pretending like nothing happened, especially with Konstantin, but then we also see a few stills of her being with messy hair and basically being A MESS which anyone would be in her place. So.. if ANYONE has any thoughts/theories or any other information about them possibly breaking the 4th wall and how does that impact the whole story and Oksana herself, please come talk to me about it!!

Now I’m starting to realize that the ending of previous episode and the fact that Oksana’s hiccups disappeared the second she got off the train is because of her fear for rejection. She already KNEW she might get rejected again and she didn’t want that. She didn’t want to meet her mother and was freaking out because she knew.. it would happen again, yet she went there anyways in hopes of things being different. Of her having one more chance to live a normal life and be loved. It didn’t turn out that way and that’s what she was most fearful of. 

Overall Thoughts

I mentioned it before and I will say it again: this episode was NEEDED. We had to get a peak of Oksana’s past and see where’s shes coming from. I’m not saying see all of this as an excuse for her behavior and the way she is. Those are just facts, explanation and me, personally, I wanted some kind of closure and you know, to find out something real about Oksana. And we did. 

This episode doesn’t mean that Villanelle/Oksana is somewhat superior to Eve. It’s not what this episode implies. It’s just that we needed this to see where Oksana’s head is at the moment and how she will deal with her family and how, eventually, that will affect her character. I would also love to see an episode about Eve and her backstory, but I feel it wouldn’t be the same, you know? I don’t think Eve had such a traumatizing past as Oksana did and that’s why it was important for us to see it. A very huge theme this season is family and that’s another reason to have this kind of episode about Oksana only and properly delve into the whole thing and get a real feel of what it was like and what it would be like to be a part of such family? So yeah, let’s just appreciate what we got and I still am not over Jodie’s performance. That last scene will probably haunt me forever. And that’s just how amazing of actress Jodie Comer really is. 

So in conclusion I’d like you remind y’all that you are always very welcome to hop in my ask box or simply message me directly so we could chat about the episode or the show itself, share our thoughts and theories, predictions and anything else really! 

[twofootedbones]

Spoons Ch.1

Summary:  Waking up from death for the second time wasn't anything magical. It was definitely something Vanitas didn't want, but here he was living in a passive-aggressive lockdown in the Land of Departure. While things were already downhill, they had started to dig down into the dirt. It was only when the boy did something drastic, did they realize how deep the hole was.

To read the rest go over to Ao3 right here! Gore warning for those that do! Happens only in Chapter 2.

It was wrong, it was all wrong. Vanitas stood in front of the large bathroom mirror, staring into his own eyes and not seeing them. They weren’t his. They weren’t his eyes, they were his master’s. Vanitas didn’t have his own eyes anymore, he had never had his own eyes. All of his eyes were given to him, at least his first pair had a color he could own. He missed the crimson reflection on the inside of his helmet. He missed the times where he had lacked a face that wasn’t his, existing in a body that wasn’t his, and owning a heart that wasn’t his. The raven looked away from the mirror and down onto the sink and counter. The bathroom here was so elegant. Everything these wayfinders owned was so pretentious, everything had to be perfect and clean and here he was to mess up all of that. Ventus was perfect and clean, Aqua was perfect and clean, Terra was perfect and clean, and Vanitas was disgusting. He knew this is what they all thought about them. The only reason he was allowed into the castle was because of Sora and his magic with the element of charisma. How he had managed to convince three people he had made murder attempts on before to take him in and house him was a miracle. But it was true. They thought he was disgusting, just like his master and the creatures that he created. He had been bottling since the final battles. It was killing him. The unversed pull and ripped at his skin causing bruises that were simply explained as results of training. They hated him, they hated looking into the copied eyes of the man that had ruined all of their lives and served them plates of trauma that would stick with them until their death beds. There was no real denying this. He knew that they hated him, they had to. He didn’t blame them, he hated those eyes too. So he tried to avoid eye contact with any of then the best he could. Training on his own, only leaving his room when told to, and staying out of the way during traveling and visitations. He was almost a model roommate. Yet, it was killing him. Shaky hands reached up and wiped the tears away from those hellish eyes. He wishes he had his own pairs back. Vanitas quickly got rid of any evidence that he was in the bathroom and left. Flicking the lights off behind him, leaving the room in the dark. If he had stayed in there for too long someone might have come. He knew this wouldn’t have been true because he was completely alone on this floor of the castle, but the thoughts still tugged on his mind. He didn’t want anyone to see him, to look at him, to speak to him, nothing. The lights of the stars were dancing through the windows to only light up pieces of the wall and floor near the glass panes. Vanitas liked his hallway during the night, being made of it himself, the darkness comforted him. The black color swallowed his footsteps, only echoing the sound. Sounds and feelings were real, they were grounding. Anything he could touch and hear was something he could inherit trust. His eyes would lie to him all to often, the sight of his master through the halls, the views of the creatures that haunted him, and the visions of his failure replayed over and over and over again. A world where he didn’t have to see a thing, a comfortable world where he was back asleep and only hearing the sounds of the scene that surrounded him. He took a deep breath, realizing that he had been standing in the hallway for longer than he wished. Actual footsteps started to break the thick silence as the owner of the sound made his way to the room of the hall he called his own. It was obvious that the castle once held hundreds as thousands of doors had lined the hallway, each with their own now completely empty room. It was strange to be the only furnished room on the entire floor but it just meant that if he ever needed some kind of extra storage he always had it. It was Terra’s idea to stick him up here and it was understandable for him to do so. Vanitas couldn’t blame the man for wanting to keep the thing that had ruined his life as far away from his family as possible. Terra had never really liked him, possessed or not, Vanitas was just the pain in his side that wouldn’t die. Maybe he should just leave. Escape them one day during visitations and just travel through the different worlds. He wouldn’t have to bottle anymore. The raven opened his bedroom door, greeting the room with sullen silence as he stared over his few objects. A dresser, a bed, and a desk. They gave him nothing less and he hadn’t asked for much more. The light of the stars had followed him in there much to his dismay. They wouldn’t let him have any curtains, Aqua thought it would be better for him to be able to have the light of the sun and to see the stars at night. While the statement did sound thoughtful of her, it was very unthoughtful all the same. Vanitas didn’t bother to put himself under the covers, the cold chill of the night was so much better than the feeling of the blankets suffocating him. He didn’t plan on moving much in the morning either. It wasn’t like he needed to go down for food. Vanitas started to wonder if they would even notice if he just stopped going down there at all as he drifted off to sleep. They would probably be thankful.

As morning rose the sun’s light has overpowered the light of the stars and taken over the entire room. Vanitas had stopped dreaming since he had woken up in the possession of the lights. They had made everything so fruitless. So instead of waking up and missing his dreams, he had to wake up and deal with the return of his bottled emotions. While everyone preached about how keeping your troubling feelings to yourself was harmful to your health, none of them would have even stopped to think about how harmful it would be for him. The bruises had gotten bigger this morning, stretching from as far as his calf to his hip. The raven could only believe that there was more on his back, but there was no mirror in his room to check this, thankfully. If his reflection followed him into his old space- The bed was warm where he continued to lay, the once hard surface now broken in with his day-in and day-out ability to sit in one spot without having to move. The springs in the center almost squished flat while the areas around them were as if they were never touched. He sat like this for a while, staring out the window at the sky. He counted the clouds as they passed by. Totaling them up as the sun had started to set already. There was exactly twenty-five more clouds today than there was yesterday. He knew they would never have noticed, no one had even come up to his floor today. What if they had left? The bright light of the sun was replaced with the dim light of the stars once again. Vanitas was tired of the light. The light of the stars, the light of the sun, the light that shone through the clouds as they passed his window, and the light that carried itself through his eyelids. That was the one he had hated the most, the point of closing his eyes was to return to the darkness and yet the light had yet again found its way into ruining everything for him. He wanted to go down to the training yards. The bed creaked in protest craving to keep him there until the walls of the castle decayed around him. Sometimes it was like they did, his mind managing to make him watch the walls chip away and the window fog up with age, everything aging and dying except for him. His footsteps were a bit louder in the hallway this time, his shoes hit the hardwood with clunks compared to the light steps of his bare feet. Walking down the stair was harder than walking through his hallway, the closer he got to the lights the easier it was for him to get caught going out this late. What was the point of him staying inside anyway? If they didn’t want him here so bad then why didn’t they just dump him outside somewhere? It would be easier to count the clouds that way. No one came out to question the clunks of boots hitting the marble floor or the bright yellow eyes that seemed to glow in the darkness of the halls. Vanitas opened and closed the door behind him, the night air hitting him hard but being all too welcoming. The keyblade graveyard had always been a hot place, but the nights where he was free were always the coldest. Shivers possessed his body as he walked out into the grass and towards the sections of the training grounds he was never able to touch. Maybe coming out in just a tank top was a bad idea but, he was too far away from his room to just go and get a jacket or two. He was never able to summon his keyblade around the wayfinders. They were scared of it, with good reason. There wasn’t a lot his blade could do though. He didn’t have keyblade armor, he didn’t have any sort of keyblade transportation, and he couldn’t tap into a lot of what the lights could. Vanitas had come into the realization that his keyblade was just a sham, some kind of replica that Xehanort had created for him to wield when he needed him to. He would be lying to himself if he said that he wasn’t disappointed by this discovery, he was a fake. He was never really meant to wield the keyblade, he was never meant to wield any kind of weapon at all, he was forced into this physical body and forced to do all these things. Life was better when he was just himself. A sharp breeze whipped through his hair, bringing him back to the present. Oh right, he was at the training grounds. Void gear materialized and sat comfortably in his hand. His fingers slipping into the grips on the handle and the weight of the front end of the blade dragging itself down to the ground. Vanitas stood there, staring down at the weapon in his hands. It felt so wrong to be holding now. The weapon that he once held with power was now like some kind of souvenir. He lifted his arm to take a lazy slash at the hoops that stood stagnant. The hoop itself jingled back and forth on its chain, not nearly enough power to make the mechanism fully move around. The blade made a loud thud as it hit the ground. Vanitas could feel that it was disappointed in him, he could almost see the eyes as yellow as his own staring down at him with complete utter anger and disgust. If the master had seen him now in this pathetic state he would have lost a limb or two. The wrinkled tanned skin and the hands as hard as steel bore down upon him. He couldn’t feel them, but he could see them. He saw the motions, the speed, and the colors. He hated it. The dark boy was unaware of the eyes that were currently watching him. Thankfully they were not the yellow of his own, but the blue of the lights. Aqua watched him from one of the many hallway windows, it wasn’t surprising that she still couldn’t manage a full night's rest. Ten years' worth of trauma doesn’t exactly disappear within a month or three. She watched as he took six more swings at the hoops before just letting the keyblade drop to the ground. She started to take some pity in on him. While she had despised the creature that now lived in her home, she also knew that he was completely lost. It was only a matter of time before Vanitas did something dangerous and she could put him down for good this time. It’s not like Ventus would miss him or anything like that, they never spoke. Vanitas would never come down from his floor and Ventus would never want to go up. Yet, Ventus would complain at every meal Vanitas missed. She loved every single moment without the creature around. She craved for endless moments where she didn’t have to meet those golden eyes.

[justformyself2]

San Francisco (Part Two)

Click here for Part One.

Hi, guys. It has been long, but it is finally here. I’m pretty happy to be posting this one and I hope you feel happy reading it.  

There is going to be a part three, so stick around in case you like this one.

I have other stories if you want to check those out (i have to make a masterlist, but it easy to find them)

If you have a request or just want to chat send me an ask.

special tag @lullabieswrappedinlies

if you want to be tagged, let me know.

Before you jump in, be advised:

. There is some cursing words, some f-bombs.

. Consumption of alcohol.

                                                cccccccccc

"Morning guys." Dex greets enthusiastically, before bowing down to place a kiss on his bride-to-be's cheek.

You are staring too much, but you can't miss the view.

The gift of ignorance was a delicacy underappreciated, at least while it lasts. It would make you eternally grateful if Rachel could keep everything to herself till ten years later. She will be sitting at her fancy dinner table, arrived from France, laughing too much because of that one bottle of old wine, from another place in Europe, maybe from Spain, she won't remember quite well. Then after recovering from laughing, putting the last sip of wine on her glass, she will tell him the story. With a sad, mildly drunk expression, Dexter would stop laughing.

"Morning." You respond.

She smiles at him and goes back to reading the newspaper.

Rachel was good at this, controlled, on the surface, as a lawyer should be. It brings a mixture of fear and thankfulness, that hid underneath itself another problem that walked into the kitchen.

"Hey, just so you know, Claire is coming today, she just called." Her mouth moves and her eyes don't lookup.

Dex sighs and you get up with the last spoon of cereal still laying on your tongue. You take the bowl and go towards the sink, planning to stay a long time with your back turned. 

"Morning everybody." 

It was visible the tiredness in his voice, tone low and deep, while you washed the white ceramic bowl in auto mode.

"Morning." Dex and Rachel responded together, laughing afterward. 

"That's cute." 

A chair's screech filled the room before a previous subject arose again. 

"So, she is really coming?"

Dex sounded worried.

"What, who is coming?" Now Ethan was worried too.

But why would he be worried about who was coming when he will be leaving tonight?

"Claire," Rachel says neutrally as before.

You place the bowl and the spoon carefully on the dish rack and spin back, spotting Ethan for the first time in the morning since you woke up to an empty bed. 

He stares from the not very long distance, with no longevity, because you cut it right away going towards the door, a way out to the porch, out to where random people were laying in the sand. 

Harsh winds of the morning shaping up weaves. You have to pay attention to that, to anything at all other than your head. 

You sit at the wooden bench, that didn't quite match the rest of the design on the porch next to a luxurious white couch, a unique setting for a suffering old seat that didn't belong. The best guess, could it be someone's favorite? Why wouldn't they throw it away when they thought about putting a much better couch beside it? Why did it remind you of the ones in San Francisco? 

"What the fuck am I thinking?"

"Am I interrupting something?"

Dex leans over, and your heart skips a beat from his sudden appearance.

He was observing. God knows for how long.

"No, I'm just thinking out loud, like a normal person."

He laughs, while you tried to shake the uncomfortable off, and takes a seat next to you. 

The next thing was silence, what you observed to happen a lot when Dex would talk to anyone other than Rachel, something normal considering you two barely knew each other, but still. Dex was the type to slip under radar if it wasn't for his looks. He was quiet, polite, unlike the stereotypes set for someone on his position, he possessed some of the same traits Rachel had, good traits, that combined make them good people if you could only erase all the cheating behavior Ethan mentioned. 

Now you see why his ex-fiancé wouldn't suspect them at all. 

Yet, it was none of your business, and the only thing that kept you involved in this world was the one that wasn't sitting on this bench with you.

"It is a good view right?"

Dex asks, and it is clear that making small talk wasn't his thing, and you were on the same level right now. Smiles appear to compensate.

"Yes, it is amazing."

You breathe in, deep. It could be some type of nervous vibe easy to detect, hovering, or you were projecting. 

"So, you and Ethan... You guys look good together."

"Oh, you think so?" 

Your mouth open's in surprise, genuine surprise. 

Before advancing to a judgment that could compromise, you try to relax and answer as naturally as possible.

"Yeah, I thought he was... Nevermind-." Dex interrupts the took, shaking his head and looking down at his feet.

"Gay?" You completed with confidence, spotting a mix of surprise and discomfort in the way he smiled back.

"Yeah. To be fair, Ethan gives the vibe sometimes." You continued, knowing that Dex was probably confused, reminiscing Ethan's lie about being gay so Claire would leave him alone, and the fool never cleared it out before moving to London.

Something bumps into the door, somewhat aggressively, and the first thing you recognized was the hand.

"What are you guys gossiping about out here?"

Ethan comes out to the porch, exchanging looks towards you and Dex, taking the space left between the two of you. 

"I was just saying to (y/n) that I think you two make a great couple." 

"Oh, you think so?"

Ethan responds, reclining his back against the bench and puts an arm around your neck. It is all that it takes to remind you why you escaped to the porch in the first place.

"And we were also talking about your gay vibes, babe."

"What?" He looks at you, confused.

"Yeah, like when you said you were gay to drive Claire away, like the mastermind player that you are. That is like, his thing Dex. He loves doing stuff like that-."

You incline forward to look at Dex, but Ethan blocks the view. His arm traps your body next to his chest, and you were obliged to stand up with him.

"Okay, babe. Do you want to take a walk on the beach? Hun? Dex, catch you later, bud." You don't resist since that at some point it all had to be addressed.

Ethan loosens the grip while you both were walking down the four steps. His hand travels down your arm slowly, and before you could cross them, he beats you by the timing and takes your hand. 

You wait for a fair distance before taking your hand back.

"What was all that?" 

Ethan asks. The audacity of the annoyed tone he used makes you start to walk faster in front of him.

"Does it matter? we are leaving tonight, right?"

"No, we're not leaving."

You stopped and turned around. Ethan faces you with both hands on his hips. You waited for some confirmation that he was messing with you.

"Ethan."

"Look, I talked to Rachel this morning, I apologized, and she decided to forget all it. It is going to be weird if I suddenly left. I'm her best friend."

"Oh, so that's why you left me this morning? To go talk to Rachel."

"I'm only trying to fix this, find an answer to make this right."

You complete the steps that separated both of you, being centimeters away from his face and the way he observed you.

"Look. Do what you want to do, every crazy pathetic thing you want, to get a woman that doesn't want you but don't use me and leave me like I'm nothing because I'm not your rebound anymore, Ethan."

You breathe in, feeling your chest rise and the beats of your heart multiply by the second. Suddenly there wasn't control over thoughts or words. Everything wanted to break loose.

"Are you even listening to yourself right now? 'I'm her best friend.' You mocked. " Stop using this bullshit to excuse what you are thinking. The answer is Dex, Rachel is not choosing you. She never did, not then and not now. You should do yourself a favor and get the fucking hint already Ethan."

You wanted to explode, wanted to scream. It wasn't the first time this same conversation took place between both of you, and yet, you were waiting for a different outcome that never happened before. It was useless. You saw it in his eyes. You saw it in the way he walked right past you and didn't look back.

                                             (Ethan POV.)

There is something worse about positive emotions. Something buried underneath, and It's ugly, blinds you, makes you live in denial for a very long time, till it turns the question 'What the fuck am I doing?', into a daily mantra from a bad religion.

I asked this more times than it is possible to count. I asked a thousand times while I was doing my bags, and another thousand while I was on the plane watching (y/n) asleep. I asked it again for a couple more thousand times when I saw Rachel, and since then it has been a background sound for my thoughts, the usual ones she belonged. 

Her face. Her laugh, ever-living memories, that insisted themselves on my central vision like jumping ghosts, obliging me to keep feeding my brain with any distraction. Sinking myself with work till numbness almost did the thing, but the closest I came to the remedy was (y/n).

That one night, I went out to the bar on my block, not feeling like me anymore after diagnosing myself with derealization through a quick search on google. The impression of furniture moving convinced me to run away from the claustrophobic place that became that apartment.   

It all happened at some time past one in the morning, at the right time and place to meet someone like her, someone very different from me. I guess, just what I need it. 

The crisp vision of things gives you a perspective, but she never centered around only one thing. (Y/N) was always in movement while I was still ruminating about Rachel and what I couldn't let go. 

When the post-coital conversation started flowing, after weeks of our same scheme passed by, I realized that not everything was cold with (y/n), only the way she perceived love. The way she rolled her eyes when I talked about it, but not the way she makes it, which can make one confused at first and be careful at least.

I  had reasons to strongly believed in my immunity because I knew I was still in love with Rachel. That was what my brain reminded me on the daily, being in love with an unavailable person was becoming a personality trait instead of a problem to be dealt with it, and it was that I accepted. Only at San Francisco, when I made no attempts to contact Rachel, I realized too late that I had mixed the medicine with alcohol, and now they had the same effect.

All of the past mess, mixing with the habit of sweeping things under the rug, made me start thinking about ending everything. Still, a burden compounded with a miracle came when we got back from San Francisco, and we discovered to be new working partners. The universe seemed to have done everything for me, except providing the answer I was still looking for when Rachel's wedding invitation arrived. I was about to mix the medicine with alcohol all over again. 

When they hugged at the airport, my stomach ran laps. 'What the fuck am I doing?'. The mantra comes back again. 

"Can I take your order, sir?"

A redhead girl, holding a notepad, appeared next to the table I occupied. Her Blythe doll eyes blinking at me.

How long was she there while I rewind all the past regrets only God knows.

"Sorry. I'm... I'm waiting for someone before ordering."

I simulate my way out of the situation with a smile. My wallet was at home, and it was a good thing because it was too early to drink something distilled.

"Oh, okay. I'll just leave the menu here." 

She left two menus over the white cloth before leaving with a condescending smile.

I decided to spare some time. I faked looking at my clock and looking around at random times as if I waited for someone very tardy before I left the table. The Blythe doll eyes must be cursing me, and I deserve it. 

 The sun outside, hitting my eyes was already alarming hot, or London made me a stranger to the feeling of warmth. I look behind me, but there is only the bridge, and random people passing by.

It felt familiar to the place where Rachel and I spend time together, but like everything else after a while became a blur under what happened that night. 

I can replay it quickly while continuing to walk with no destination.

It happened when Rachel smiled and ordered a Heineken. I was explaining the order to myself, controlling my eyes and planing my words, usually with gastric reflux would be burning the walls of my stomach, but now the house was quiet. 

I was alone with her, after years, after long years and miserable scenarios played inside my head, and now there was total silence, the silence of death.

"What?"

Rachel asked, still smiling, brightly, I loved that fucking smile, I loved.

I loved.

"We need to talk."

[razzle-zazzle]

Daemos Headcanons

Tumblr decided this shouldn’t show up in the tags so I’m reposting it:

As of the start of the series, Noi is 22; Asch, Ava, & Leif are all 24 or thereabouts; Pierce is 26; and Rhys is 27.

Asch can and will breathe fire if he feels the extra intimidation factor is required. His breath almost always smells like smoke. Sometimes Asch will just exhale a puff of smoke when he’s really annoyed, but not angry enough to exhale flames.

Asch has to eat at least a little bit of wood/charcoal/coal every day as a kind of dietary supplement. Because of this, it’s not uncommon to find him chewing on a twig he found in Leif’s garden, or adding a piece of coal to his already blackened meal, or turning logs into charcoal for later consumption. He’s constantly digging through Leif’s garden for surplus twigs and sticks and it annoys Leif to no end because “YOU’RE BURNING THE FLOWERS ASCH STOP I USE THOSE TO MAKE MEDICINE” or “EVERYTHING WAS IN ORDER AND NOW YOU’VE RUINED IT DAMMIT ASCH”. Asch comes back every few days just to annoy Leif this way, and because it’s a good way to replenish his stock.

Asch can actually eat a lot of things that the others wouldn’t think to eat. The general rule of thumb is that if it burns, Asch can probably eat it.

Asch prefers his meals as crispy as possible. If they’re not to his liking, he burns it himself. When it comes to cooking, he could be really good at it… if he didn’t forgo the entire “flavor” aspect in favor of burning everything to a crisp. He’s been banned from messing around in the kitchen after he set fire to a glass of water. He finds that he enjoys sitting next to the oven when it’s on, and Ava still allows him to do that as long as the oven is actually being used to cook something.

Asch can suffocate rather easily compared to the others (Leif notwithstanding). It’s why he passed out when they first arrived on Earth—his flame was snuffed out by an inability to breathe. But once he adjusts, he’s mostly fine. Mostly. Asch really does not like dirt (or water) for similar reasons.

Asch Does Not Get Emotions.

To elaborate, Asch has difficulty in expressing himself sometimes. He has to be a leader, and a proper leader makes effective decisions without getting caught up in their emotions; so whatever he’s feeling gets bottled up until it explodes into an outburst, usually anger. He’s like Bakugou, in the sense that he really doesn’t know how to express anything other than anger, frustration, or annoyance, and can come off as really bratty because of it. Fortunately, both Noi and Pierce have known Asch for long enough to pick up on what he’s actually feeling, and Rhys has played mediator and manipulator for Asch enough times that he can usually discern what Asch is trying to convey. And Leif is constantly trying to find ways to antagonize Asch both as revenge for messing with his garden and as a way of getting Asch to let loose on whatever he’s bottled up. Occasionally, this goes too far, but overall their rivalry is the perfect outlet for Asch (and Leif).

In short, Asch can give very effective orders, but struggles to express his own feelings when he needs to, or find a proper outlet that isn’t BURN IT ALL TO DEATH

Before the spa episode, none of the other Daemos thought that Asch could laugh, except Noi (who’s known Asch the longest for reasons I’ll get into eventually). Noi hasn’t heard Asch laugh in a very long time, so he finds it really gratifying to hear it again.

Asch is of the mind that courting is supposed to be proper, and romantic, and that s//ex is neither romantic nor a valid way to court someone, mostly because of his upbringing and inexperience with s//ex in general. I’ll leave whether he’s demi- or asexual or not up to you guys.

Asch originally only sought to court Ava because she’s a “princess” which to Asch means “oh hey someone I could court without everyone disapproving of me.” Except then Asch finds that he genuinely likes Ava (after a lot of confusion as to what is going on with him), and he suddenly doesn’t know how to approach anything anymore??? He has a miniature crisis that Pierce and Rhys have to talk him through, much to his chagrin.

Asch also doesn’t always notice the connotations of his words and actions; he’s just not as clued into double entendres and innuendos as most other people. Taking off his clothes in front of Ava? Never even occurs to him that that could come across as sexual. I know this doesn’t make sense given Asch’s focus on living up to expectations, but Asch doesn’t really focus on emotional expectations so it works. Furthermore, his fixation on living up to expectations stems from the vast number of times he’s failed to do so due to his stunted ability to pick up on social cues. He just wants to be a good leader and not disappoint his mother, is that really too much to ask?

Noi is often the one tasked with finding coal, as his earth affinity and superior sense of smell (best in the group) makes him the most efficient at searching for things underground. He’s also the best at digging, closely followed by Pierce.

Noi can eat dirt, as well as most rocks and minerals, but he doesn’t necessarily have to. He usually has a few rocks on him at all times so he has something to chew on when he’s stressed. His room is essentially a rock collection half-buried in the dirt.

Rhys trying to get Noi struck by lightning or electrocuted, repeatedly, just to find out what would happen. When it actually happens, Noi’s primary affinity for earth and his secondary affinity for lightning means he’s completely fine, if rather hyper for the next hour. I feel like Noi should be able to consume electricity, but I’m not sure how yet. Does he stick his tail in an outlet? Who knows? Not Noi, that’s for sure.

Noi’s tail is whip thin, with barb-like hair on the end. This is unusual for earth affinity Daemos, who either have stiffer, more solidly-built tails, but makes perfect sense given Noi’s secondary affinity for lightning. He’s also pretty fast on his feet and really good at flanking, not as much as Leif but he’s up there.

Noi giggles a lot when he’s happy, and, as he discovers after the dinner date, when he’s crushing. Noi is actually pretty good at expressing himself, much to the frustration of Asch.

Noi may not always look like it, but, much like the earth constantly shifts beneath the surface, Noi’s emotions and thoughts are constantly shifting. Rhys is similar, except for him it’s more akin to his thoughts constantly moving like ocean currents, his mind always flowing underneath even if the surface is calm. Pierce has the whole “calm-outside-always-shifting-inside” but turned up to eleven. He spends so much time trying to get a handle on what’s going on inside that he often comes across as unemotive, or doesn’t always emote properly. It’s why he likes fights so much; he can just relax, go on autopilot, and let his worries fade away as he lies in the moment. All three of them are very much prone to self-doubt and anxiety.

Noi is the Emotional Support Daemos™. Having Noi around makes Asch happier than he’d like to admit, Pierce likes that Noi is sweet (and Noi is often the one who grounds Pierce, pun intended). Rhys finds that answering Noi’s questions about what he’s doing and why he’s doing it to be relaxing, and Leif picks on Noi as an outlet for his aggression and energy. Without Noi, the group would all be at each others’ throats within days.

Pierce can also eat rocks/dirt/minerals, but he does it less often than Noi. If he’s feeling really peeved at something Asch has done, then he’ll crunch on some rocks because he knows that Asch finds the sound annoying. And it’s a good way to work out his frustrations without having to worry about hurting someone.

Pierce has the best sense of hearing in the group, with Leif coming in at a close second. Usually, earth affinity Daemos hear best through vibrations in the ground, similar to snakes, and Pierce is no exception; but he’s also very good at hearing the other way, like a bat. A batsnake. Snakebat? Snat? Bake? Eh, I’m sure something like that exists on Daemos. If not, then it should.

Pierce worries the most out of the group; it’s his job to protect Asch (and everyone else), and the constant shifting of his thoughts and feelings often makes for very reckless decisions. Whenever Asch feels Pierce is overdoing it, he’ll loudly complain about “not needing a nanny, I’m a grown-ass Daemos for Htrae’s sake, go do something else with you time” which in Asch-speak essentially translates to “take a day off before you kill yourself, idiot.” When this happens, Pierce usually spends time training (unless Asch tells him not to), hanging around Noi to feel grounded, or letting Rhys ramble about his theories to distract himself from his worries.

Pierce is the best cook of the group, though this is mostly by default. Asch burns everything, Noi either adds too much salt or too much sugar, Rhys doesn’t even cook, and Leif puts together the most outlandish combinations he can think of just to annoy the others. But Pierce, through hard work and experimentation, does become really good at cooking. Leif still insists on trying everything first.

Both Noi and Pierce feel safer in confined, dark spaces than they do in open, bright areas. They are the only ones who feel this way. Pierce prefers that the hole be at least a little damp, too, because of his water affinity, while Noi is fine as long as it’s not too hot or cold.

Noi and Pierce also very much enjoy mud baths. Or just relaxing in a pool of mud. Pierce enjoys it more than Noi, but it’s the one thing that they really like to do together when the others are getting annoying.

Earth Daemos are more physically affectionate than other Daemos, so it’s not unusual to find Noi leaning against Pierce or Pierce just carrying Noi (and others) around.

Rhys can drink salt water without getting dehydrated. Pierce can too, but not to the extent that Rhys can. Rhys actually has this natural aura to him that purifies nearby water; it’s why he’s fine sitting at the bottom of a chlorinated pool for hours instead of his gills getting burned up.

Yes, Rhys has gills. Pierce has a set of his own, too. They only function underwater, and can get sliced up very easily in a fight, but it’s a trait that all water affinity Daemos have.

Rhys can actually tell whether or not a body of water would be safe to drink from by touch alone; he’s got the best sense of touch amongst the group. He always likes to double check his observations, due to a need to be thorough and his own self-doubt.

Rhys finds that he loves not just ice cream, but most other cold foods as well; this is mostly due to his ice affinity. He’s found that sucking/chewing on ice cubes helps him to focus, so it’s not uncommon to find him doing just that if he’s working on a particularly difficult problem.

Rhys will bury himself in his quest for knowledge if there’s a problem he doesn’t want, or doesn’t feel capable enough, to tackle. And to distract from his anxieties and worries of “am I doing it right? Will my actions now cause suffering down the road? What will I do if I fail?” and the like. There are times when he’ll just meditate in cold water to clear his head, especially when he gets overwhelmed; Ava later introduces Rhys to yoga, which he finds relaxing as well.

Rhys is the most flexible of the group. Almost to a disturbing degree.

Rhys’ tail is very long and supple, and has a tendency to coil around whatever it can reach. This annoys Rhys to no end, but he likes his tail too much to get rid of it, so he finds ways to deal with it.

Leif has a profound resistance to most toxins, and an exceptional sense of taste. He can usually determine the properties of a plant—even one he’s never seen before—just by chewing on it. Not that he doesn’t double check, or use other methods to find things he might have missed, it’s just that chewing on a random plant sample is his go-to method in almost every situation.

Heck, plants aren’t the only thing! Leif has developed a habit of using his tongue to make sure his blades are clean, and he can identify the properties of a soil sample with his mouth, too. He’s just got a really well-developed palate. And a tendency to stick random things in his mouth if he can’t tell what it is. He was always the one to taste test Asch’s food to ensure that the meal isn’t poisoned back on Daemos, and he’ll happily steal a piece of food from Ava with that as his excuse now.

Leif’s first instinct when he encounters something he’s never seen is to taste it; he just takes a sample to chew on. The number of times Ava has had to distract Leif with a piece of gum just so she can get whatever piece of plastic he’s chewing on this time is innumerable. It gets to the point where Ava just always has gum on her for just that reason.

When it comes to anything plant-based, Leif is your guy. Poisons, medicines, it’s all just a matter of what plants he needs to use and what he needs to do with them. He often carries around a mortar and pestle, just in case he needs to make some emergency medicine. His favorite way to annoy Rhys and Asch when he does that is to pretend to have ground the plants in his mouth, because it grosses them both out.

Leif really likes to antagonize others, which is unusual for a plant affinity Daemos. He has a secondary affinity for wind (not that he knows this), but that’s only part of the cause. The other part is that Leif views kindness as a weakness, and it’s a force of habit for him to pick on anyone he can. It gets worse on Earth, due to the massive amount of freetime the Daemos have there. Ava helps him create a second garden by the window, and it helps a little, but that still gives Leif so much extra time with nothing to do but bug the others.

Ava’s first solution to Leif’s restlessness was to get him a toy to fidget with, but that ended almost immediately when he proved how destructive a bouncy ball can be. In the end, the solution that worked was to just put a plant in almost every available space in Ava’s apartment, giving Leif a lot more to do and acting as a ward against wanton destruction of the apartment.

Leif eventually gets his bouncy ball back. He still wants to weaponize it.

I should probably mention Leif’s secondary affinity for wind. He has no idea he has it, and Rhys really only suspects that Leif has it. Wind affinity Daemos aren’t all that common (wind is caused by unequal heating of the atmosphere due to the sun, and the sun isn’t really a thing in Daemos, so…), but they do have certain traits and abilities unique to them. Leif is very fast and stealthy, has a more flighty sense of duty than the others, and can go from thinking things through to “I’m going to do this dumb thing because I felt like it” in an instant. He’s always full of energy, like Noi, and acts more on his own whims and desires than anything else. He can’t focus on anything besides his passions for very long before he becomes bored. Leif is also the most likely to survive a fall from a high-altitude, and can jump the highest. He’s rather light for his height.

As always, feel free to add your own stuff!

[agentmothman18]

YouTube Zombie AU

I have no life-

When the first out break came, thousands had been infected with the disease. If it could even be considered that. Jack, who had been staying over at Felix's house that weekend, was mortified this was actually happening. So was everyone else that got to witness over the television screen. First hand experiences didn't come until the 3rd month for the Irish man, the outbreak only recently spreading across the continent.

Felix was Jacks childhood friend, they didn't grow up together since Felix had to move around a lot. It was mostly a back and forth from Sweden to Ireland for their family. But one the months Felix did come to Ireland, he and Jack would hang out. When Jack got old enough, had a job and a stable income, he would take vacations to go see his Swedish friend. And through Felix he met Marzia, the Swedish mans girlfriend. Jack instantly liked her, he knew the woman would make Felix a better man in the end and seeing how happy the two were together made him happy.

But when the disease spread to Ireland, where the three had decided to stay for a while, it was like watching flies drop form zapping laps that people hang on their porches. Everyone had been so unprepared, even with the 3 month warnings. Flights out to the nearest base camps left within days, Jack and the couple baring making it on one. It was hard for them, not just leaving home to head to Fort Knox but also to see so many people die. And in such gruesome ways that made his stomach turn just remembering.

'Everything's going to be okay.' He remembered Marzia telling them this. Optimistic that the government would find a cure and fix this mess. When that was brought up though, a couple two rows down form them spoke about how this was God punishing them. That the human race was so messed up that God planned for this to happen to them, to punish them in the nose sadistic was possible. Jack would have applauded the god for its cruel ways, but during the moment that was the last thing he would have thought about. To busy trying to keep up with what was going on during the time.

The base camp didn't last long, maybe a month had went by before things fell apart again. To many people gathered in one area was soon realized to be a horrible idea and those that survived split in different directions. It was during that time that Felix had lost Marzia so the Rotters, both watching in horrified shock as the woman's scream was drowned out by her own blood filling her lungs. Felix would have died there too if Jack hadn't ripped him away from the scene. The Swedish has fought against him, screaming and crying for Jack to leave him with her. It tore Jack apart, his heart breaking for his best friend.

After that, things had been different for the both of them. Felix had shut down, becoming a shell of the happy man he used to be and Jack has toughened up. Maybe not physically, though that did increase too, but now he wasn't scared or felt guilty when it came to shooting the walking dead. Nor living people who wanted to kill them. They both found out the hard way that some survivors turned to cannibalism during this mess of a life time. It was disgusting and something Jack would never stoop so low to.

In the presence of today, it was just Jack and Felix. They've traveled, on foot, from Kentucky all the way to Cheyenne, Wyoming. There were plenty of close calls along the way, both from Rotters and survivors. It left Felix without a working right arm, broken from a scuffle with a beefy man who wanted their guns. Jack felt bad he couldn't do more than just align the bone and wrap it, they didn't have pain medication or even the right material to keep the bone from slipping out of place and healing wrongly. "We should rest." Jack said, glancing to his broken watch for the millionth time. It stopped working back in Missouri, so they couldn't tell the time other then looking at where the sun was in the sky. So with a sigh of slight annoyance, jack glanced to the orange-ing sky.

"We can't until we find cover." Felix let out a hiss of pain when he moved his broken arm, the makeshift sling was pinching at his skin. Jack hand nodded in agreement, leading them farther down the barren highway. They were surrounded by trees and the occasional car, which they would stop to check for supplies, but no houses to take cover in.

About two more miles of walking, Jacks feet had had enough for the day. They'd been walking since sunrise with breaks only to rest or eat what little they had. "I give up." He kept his voice down, not wanting to catch the attention of any lurking Rotters. "Well just have to settle in a car for the night."

"Or that house." Felix pointed behind Jack, who whipped around fast enough to almost cause himself whiplash. He had been sure moments ago there was no houses near by, now there was one? The lack of food and sleep was really getting to him. But the house was there, just hidden so he wasn't going completely crazy yet.

With a simple nod of the head, they made the short trek to the house. It was an old country looking house, two stories with white chipped paint on the walls. Even a cute wrap around porch, a house you'd see on old country movies. Jack had told Felix to stay outside while he checked the place out, staring with the perimeters of the house before venturing inside. He had checked every nook and cranny by the time he was sure it was safe, poking his head out the door and motioning for Felix to come in.

"We'll head out in the morning." Jack spoke quietly to Felix, who nodded and didn't hesitate to head for one of the upstairs bedrooms. He was exhausted and in pain, Jack couldn't blame him. When there was a definite click of a door shutting upstairs, the Irish man finally moved from his spot at the door. He took the living room couch, wanting to stay on the ground floor in case of an emergency.

And for the better half of the night, things were peaceful and quiet. It wasn't until what felt like 2 in the morning that Jack woke up to the front door creaking open. By now, those that were still surviving have learned that the Rotters were smarter than they once thought. They were evolving, for the worse. So for a door to be opened was nothing to the dead.

As quietly as Jack could, he rolled off the couch and landed on the floor with a soft thud noise. He freaked out for a moment that he had given himself away but the footsteps coming into the house had went for the kitchen. It gave him enough time to get his gun ready in one hand and a knife in the other. A panicky feeling bubbled in his stomach, making his hands shake for a mere seconds before he calmed himself with a deep breath. He cringed at the creaking floor beneath him, cursing when movement in the kitchen ceased for a moment. Then, he heard voices.

Quiet voices but ones to set him on edge just as bad as the Rotters screaming. "Just get the food and go." A deep voice, smooth and commanding had spoke. Jack felt a little at easy that they weren't interested in them but that didn't mean he was going to let them leave with their food. So, against better judgment Jack had pushed the kitchen door open with his knife hand.

"You're not taking anything." His voice was monotoned, no emotions held in it thanks to the months of hell. Though just a quickly a light had blinded him and there was a click of a gun being cocked ready for its first shot.

"Look, we're not looking for trouble." Another male voice had spoke out, less deep than the first one but almost sounding apologetic. "We just need a bit of food and we'll leave." Jack squinted against the blinding light, moving to the side to get out of its way. The movement didn't cause any problems thankfully, and he had hesitantly lowered his gun. Jack was still a kind person at heart, even if this new world has made him cold.

The light was shinned up towards the ceiling, providing light for the whole room. Jack could finally get a good look at the two, one wearing a mask with a straight line for a mouth and two dots as the eyes. The other had the being of a bread growing, it was kept trimmed though and complimented the mans features. Something about the pair seemed different than most survivors they'd come across. Less aggressive was one thing for sure, but there was a feeling in Jacks gut that told him he could trust them. A bubbling feeling that felt almost comfortable.

"How much food do you have?" Jack asked, putting his gun in its holder on his hip and the knife back in his boot. And to his surprise, the two took their backpacks off and emptied them on the table. There was barely anything; two bottles of waters, three cans of soup, and two packs of those cheesy cracker things. Felix and him didn't have much but they at least had way more than these two. There was also a few guns that clanked down onto the table after falling out, no bullets though he realized. "Damn." He mumbled, his tone sympathetic.

"Most the gas stations on this stretch have been whipped clean." The man without the mask spoke, he looked exhausted in the dim lighting. "If you keep heading northwest on this road you'll be dead in a day. Rotters are crawling around about two miles up." He informed, much needed information considering that was where him and Felix were heading.

"Thanks for the heads up." Jack gave a simple nod with his thanks. "Where are you two headed?" He asked, heading to the cabinets to grab spare food.

"Kentucky." The other had spoke, voice slightly muffled by the mask. Jack cringed at the mention of that place, bad memories surfacing. Grabbing 4 cans of soup and two bottles of water, Jack turned and set it on the table with their stuff.

"If you're headed for Fort Knox, it's a bust. Place got overran with Rotters about two or three months ago." He told them, most his days running together so it was hard to tell how many months it was exactly.

"Well shit." Mr. No-mask groaned, a hand running over his face. "Then I guess we're headed no where." He sighed out, glancing to his masked friend. Jack watched the two, words getting lodged in his throat from trying not to speak them.

"We could head to the NAS down in Meridian." Both Jack and the man without the mask looked to the one with the mask. Jack was dumbfounded, that was months away on foot and for all they knew it was just like Fort Knox. But it there was a chance, for these two at least. For him and Felix, they refused to go anywhere with many survivors. Not after what happened last time.

"To far away. I'd rather die by Rotters than walk that far-"

"What are your names anyway?" Jack cut in, wanting a name to the two he was giving half his food too.

"Oh, my names Mark, this is Cry." Mark had introduced them, motioning to the man with a mask who was Cry. It seemed a little silly to call someone that but he wouldn't say anything about it, some people liked to keep their identity under-wraps even in times like these.

"I'm Jack." There was silence that fell over them for a moment, before the Irish man spoke up again. "If you're not leaving for Meridian, you're welcome to join me and my friend." Jack offered, something he never thought he'd be doing. But four seemed like an okay amount of people to have, more than that was to much.

The two seemed shocked for a moment, looking at each other in a silent conversation. Jack could only keep up with have of it, guessing what they were saying by what he saw Marks facial expressions do. But in the end, they both nodded to each other in their unspoken agreement and turned towards Jack. He was expecting them to decline his offer.

"We're in then."

[iboredteen]

Paper Planes : the prologue

" Staying up way past your bed time, sneaking out of house and partying all night was my idea of a normalized behavior of a high schooler - until I realized that my little detour was about getting a bottle of Lexapro instead."

Synopsis: Meet Jong Y/n ,a girl who has always been that one nerd right up in the front of the class who never really talks. Or the one who always wears the same hideous green sweaters which even makes the 53 years old chemistry teacher, Mrs. Choi nice looking in terms of fashion, who spends break time in that one boring section of the library where even the librarians stop trying, pretty much got no friends, prolly has no life. What are the odds?

For Y/n though, life is simple. No sad backstory (except a few tragic failures at making friends and a constant fear of getting sick),a full access to Netflix and frozen pizza and Raspberry Almond crumb tart every Friday night.

But sometimes, when everything seems fine, nothing really is.

In this twisted little paradise of illusions, two parallel universes collide and take off with a promise of blossoming memories, emotions touching the skies and a spiraling silence of chaos, just like paper planes.

Spoiler alert- if only they didn't see him.

Pairing: Jimin x reader

Genre: A/u , angst (to a certain extent), fluff, slight smut.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Prologue~

All my life I've made a lot of wishes, except, none of them came true. Even the simple ones. Like jumping into puddles without getting in trouble or having a late night candy snack without getting caught.

Well, I'm still not allowed to ,but at least I have a hide out plan now.

Ever since Dad became a Congress member and Mom became one of the front faces of an NGO, 'restrictions' , 'responsibilities' , 'perfection' (basically all the scary nouns that ruined my childhood -which is also a noun) have all become a huge part of my life. The tiny middle schooler me didn't understand why all of a sudden the cute stray puppy became a 'touch-it-not', why the old swing set in the playground became a 'get-sick-soon zone' or why Happy Sushi store down the street became unhygienic?

I still don't, all I know is that these big words just make feel vulnerable, like a small girl left on her own in a world full of monster like critics and expectations and unlike before, no one really told me what was I supposed to do this time around. Almost makes me want to run away, but I'm not allowed to do that either.

Getting into the good books of people I don't even know was initially what I was supposed to do . Only, it didn't exactly go as planned though. Their 'ideal-model-to be' kid turned into someone who doesn't know how to have a normal conversation and is pretty much the awkward sociopath girl whose only goods are her overachieving parents.

Mission successfully failed, eh?

Sometimes, I wish I had someone to comfort me, to tell me that it's okay to be the imperfect odd one , to hear me out or just be there for those couple dark moments when my demons surface and just won't let go.

As I gaze at the grey cluster of clouds above, I feel the cold engulfing my hand and look down at his long slender fingers intervened in my small warm ones.

Maybe I do have someone after all.

I stare at his face which is angled upwards towards the dusky sky and take in his features. His blue coral eyes seemingly lost, nose scrunched up, plum lips slightly parted blowing air out through them and a broody stillness over his body form.

"I still don't understand." His deep raspy baritone shook me out of my daze, "Why won't you let go of me if you really hate me that much? All you have to do is take that one step and I'll be gone. Forever, just like you wanted" His curious yet strong gaze pierced into mine and I flinched.

A chill rushes down my spine. I gawk at him as a million possible answers swirl up in my mind.

Was it because he was the only one there when no one else was? Or because he knows my secrets enough to make me feel naked? Or maybe I am just pathetic?

I exhale out a long sigh as a droplet of water falls on me followed by yet another, breaking my awkward state of panic.Saved by a drizzle.

I squint my eyes as I look up and feel the water rush down drop by drop in elaborate urgency. At that moment I didn't care if Mom would ground me for staying out and 'getting sick'. All I could see was me and the gloomy mirroring skies had poured down in passive aggression.

"Come on", an intruding murmur broke me out of my stance. He grabbed my hand and ushered us to a nearby bus stand to avoid the rains. How he hated the showers.

I turned my head and saw the chaos around us. People hurrying their ways to the nearest shelter, kids being gleeful yet cautious and their mothers trying to get them into the nearby convenience stores.

I turned away from the commotion ahead me and saw him concentrated on getting rid of the wetness of his soaked shirt and it is then that I realized that as time passed, our encounters and separations became so vivid that with every alley, every crossroad that we passed, it all led me to this very place.

A moment like this.

A/n: Hey guys! This is first attempt on writing something! Hope you guys like it. I would love your constructive feedback 💜

[parachutingkitten]

Dancing Without You - Ch 5: With You

Chapter 1 - Chapter 2 - Chapter 3 - Chapter 4

Oh my gosh this chapter was so much work. It took way too long. Arguments and action and double the length of most of the stuff I write. Anyway, I think it turned out really well. And the beginning is just pure fluff which is always nice!

Happy Reading!

“It’s so quiet,” I whispered, soaking in the midnight air and the feeling of the grass against my back. “I wish it was like this more often.”

“Yeah, I wish we had three-day weekends every week,” Cole chuckled.

“That’s not what I meant,” I rolled my eyes. “It’s just nice with campus so empty. I swear, the stars seem so much prettier when it’s quiet.”

“Yeah,” he sighed. “My mom and I used to go stargazing when I was little. She’d tell me all these stories about the constellations… I don’t really remember much of them, I just remember how happy it made me, you know?”

My head shifted in the grass as I picked at the blades at my fingertips. “I bet you could see a lot more stars outside of the city.”

“Tons of them,” I could hear the smile on his lips. “Kind of why we had to stop. Our neighborhood went through a huge boom. There’s a lot more light pollution now.”

“That sucks,” I sighed. “Everything kinda sucks now, doesn’t it?”

“What do you mean?”

I thought for a moment. “I don’t know. Everything just seemed so much easier when we were little. No grades or responsibilities or friend drama that blows up in your face.”

“Rough day?”

I sighed. “It’s just been one of those weeks. Everything’s fallen through or been delayed or ended up with me botching it. Turns out Selena just straight up hates me.”

“I thought you two were friends.”

“Me too,” I mumbled. “I shouldn’t be surprised though. It’s always been this way. Unfortunately, just because you’re friendly doesn’t mean you have friends.”

“Well, I’m still your friend.” He took my hand, both of us finally glancing over at each other.

“...Thanks.”

“Is there something else, or-”

“No,” I shook my head. “Look, none of this is really important, okay?”

“You sure it’s not?”

“I’m sure.”

He looked at me a moment, still deciding whether or not to believe me. “Well, regardless, I think I have something to make your week better.” He let go of my hand, sitting up and reaching for his backpack.

I rolled onto my side, watching him as he struggled for a moment with the zipper. “What are you-?”

“Just hold on a sec, I’m working on it.”

I sat up, running my fingers through my hair. “You need help?”

“I got it!” he smiled, the backpack opening. “I think it was caught on the plastic.”

From inside he pulled out a singularly wrapped pale pink rose, a small blue ribbon tied around the center. 

“What’s this?”

“Lia, will you go to the Winter Formal with me?” He presented the flower to me, a giddy smile crossing my lips as a flood of emotions trickled through me, one after another. “Cole!” I accepted the rose, chuckling a bit. “This isn’t fair. You know I have to say yes.”

“I mean, not necessarily,” he contended.

“It’s ten percent of our final grade!”

“Exactly! Theoretically you could ditch and still get an A!”

We both laughed, as I twirled the flower around in my fingertips.

“Even so, what was this for?”

“Well, we don’t have homecoming or prom or anything,” he explained. “So, I kind of thought we could… make a day of it, you know? Dress up all fancy and have a matching color scheme and all that. We could even do dinner if you wanted.”

“That would be so fun!” I almost jumped. “But I hate eating in formal wear. Maybe we could eat before we’re dressed?”

“And then what? Get ready together or…”

“Well, I don’t exactly have a girl group to get ready with anymore,” I shrugged. “Is that weird? Would that be weird?”

“No, I’m sure I’d be fun!” He assured me. “Anything with you usually is.”

“I like this two-person prom thing! It might end up better than the real thing.”

“Good thing about only having two people,” Cole leaned back. “Is that we already know who’s gonna be Prom King and Queen.”

I laughed. “What? We gonna have a vote too? I vote for you-”

“And I vote for you,” he nodded, stringing me in further.

“And then we get to make ourselves some stupid paper crowns to parade around in.”

“No, no. We’re the prom planning committee too!” He pressed. “We can get whatever kind of crowns we want! Plastic dollar store crowns, flower crowns, we could cut them out of the backs of cereal boxes. Hell, we could even spring for some decorative rhinestones if we want!”

“Hold on,” I stopped him, both of us laughing uncontrollably at this point. “If we are the planning committee, but we’re also the only ones voting in the election, does that mean that the election is rigged?” 

Cole playfully held out his arm. “Come my Queen! We shall rule over our corrupt empire with an iron fist!”

I took his hand, lifting my posture. “May our enemies be crushed betwixt our hands!”

Our laughter died out after a moment, my eyes turning again to the rose.

“Well, you never actually answered my question,” Cole lamented.

I lifted my eyes to his, the pure perfect bliss of the moment radiating throughout my bones as we sat, alone, under the stars, enveloped in a gentle breeze, a single rose in my hand, a glowing smile on both our lips.

“Yes, Cole. I would love to go to the Winter Formal with you.”

           ~*~*~*~

I trudged into the kitchen, my mind still hazy, the smell of bacon filling the air. “Good morning!” Jay’s voice surfaced from the stove. “Just making some breakfast.”

“Maybe don’t burn it,” Pixal suggested, turning his eyes to his pan.

“I’m sure they’re fine. I like them a little extra crispy anyway.” Jay removed the pan, turning off the heat, carefully sliding the contents onto a plate. Despite my personal feeling of utter fatigue and drowsiness, Jay seemed remarkably well rested- dressed and awake and seemingly more put together than usual. 

“What’s got you so chipper?” 

“I don’t know,” he mused, placing down his cookware. “I think I might have caught the positivity bug from Amelia.”

My eyes slid over to Pixal, in full gear, her demeanor much less bursting of sunshine but still annoyingly more composed than my own. “Any movement last night?” I asked.

“No sign that we’ve been detected from my patrol last night.” She shook her head.

“Well, at least that’s good.” I sat down at one of the bar stools, rubbing my eyes, still a bit distracted. “Is Amelia up yet?”

“I haven’t seen her since last night,” Pixal shrugged.

“What exactly happened?” Jay added. “I didn’t even see her leave.”

“I don’t know,” I sighed. “I couldn’t sleep, I was up all night thinking about it. I don’t know what I did or said or what ticked her off, but she’s pissed.”

“What were you even talking about?” Jay asked.

“It was just after she and Pix were dancing. I told her it was weird to see her dancing with someone else, and suddenly she got all sensitive about it.”

“You ever think she just… misses dancing with you?” Pixal offered. “What exactly was your relationship like when you left, anyway?”

“Lia and I were…” My lips froze in indecision for a moment. “Look, it was complicated. We were close. But I had a lot of personal stuff going on at the time, so I had to keep some distance and…” I sighed, their faces showing only suspicion. “I don’t really know what we were.”

“Sounds like a recipe for some passive aggressive frustration to me,” Jay concluded.

“She just gets this way sometimes,” I argued. “She’ll bottle things up and then get all fussy when you can’t read her mind about it. Even if it has nothing to do with you, even if you’re trying to make things better, she just shuts down. It would happen all the time back at Marty’s. She’d get a bad grade and have trouble with a new dance and then suddenly she’d just spiral and there’s nothing you can do about it. It’s so frustrating!”

“Maybe you just weren’t communicating with her properly,” Jay offered. “I mean, you were kind of… emotionally occupied at the time.”

“I don’t know. I guess that’s possible,” I sighed. “I just hope that this time it’s something I can fix.” I held my head in my hands, staring ahead at the back wall, all the factors still very much spinning as I tried to fit everything together.

“Good morning Amelia,” Pixal broke my train of thought. “How did you sleep?”

Amelia looked very worn. She still wore her pajamas, her eyes tired, and her face missing her typical bright smile. Maybe Jay hadn’t caught the positivity bug from her as much as stolen it. 

“Fine,” she shrugged. She made her way to the fridge, pulling a protein shake out from the back, shaking it up. “What are your plans for today?”

“We didn’t exactly have any,” I told her.

Her eyes landed on me, staring for a moment. “Well, I have some stuff I need to get done, so...”

“Well, you should get it done,” I told her.

“Unless there’s anything you need me for-”

“Look, do you want to talk about it?” I stopped her, standing up.

“Cole,” Pixal cautioned me. “This is not the time to-”

“I don’t know. You don’t seem to want to.” Lia put down her drink, leaning over the counter.

“What on earth gave you that impression?!”

“I kind of thought you might want to bring it up yourself, you know, as a half decent person, but you don’t seem to know what the problem is.”

“Yeah, I don’t! What did I do?!”

“You abandoned me Cole! You knew full well that you were my only friend at that school, and you left.”

“You know why I left! I didn’t really have any other options!”

“Woah! Okay,” Pixal cut in. “Let’s all calm down for a moment.”

“No, I get that.” Lia continued. “But that’s not the part you screwed up. You told me you were leaving the day of, with no notice, and left me crying on the studio floor!”

“That was-”

“Hold on guys. How about we just talk over some nice bacon and eggs?” Jay offered. “That sounds nice, right?”

“Thing is,” Amelia ignored him. “Even that would have been fine. But you didn’t write me, you didn’t call, you didn’t even try to make contact! You obviously have a way of locating me!”

“The only reason I could find you now is because of my responsibilities as a ninja!”

“Yeah, and for those years before you were one, I thought you were dead!” I could see tears beginning to poke into the corners of her eyes. “I had to find out from a news report in the middle of a city-wide crisis that you were still alive and had just been ignoring me! And hey, you know what? I could have just shrugged that off, you had moved on, you didn’t really care about me anymore, it happens. I get that. But then you show up at my doorstep after five years, acting all buddy-buddy like nothing happened! Like you didn’t see any problem in the fact that the reason you approached me in the first place is that no one would ever think to associate us! Doesn’t that seem just a little messed up to you?! That I’m such a cliff note in your life that you didn’t think to tell your friends about me until your life depended on it?”

“Hey, let’s not drag us into this-” Jay chuckled nervously.

“No, she has a point.” Pixal sighed, obviously a bit bitter herself at this point.

“Look, I get it okay,” I conceded. “I didn’t leave very gracefully, but it’s not like I didn’t care about you or-”

“No, Cole, you don’t care,” Amelia stopped me. “Not enough. No one who leaves so easily ever does. You didn’t care about what happened to me! You were only worried about yourself! Just like my brother!”

“Your brother?” Amelia didn’t have a brother. Amelia didn’t have any siblings. She was an only child. What was this about her brother?

“And I didn’t want much.” She brushed past it. “I just needed an apology. You didn’t think one of those would be in order? Just a ‘Hey, sorry for abandoning you the day before the partner test, that was kind of a dick move.’ or maybe a ‘Sorry for not talking to you for five years! You were probably pretty worried about me, huh?’ or maybe ‘Hey, Lia, sorry for kissing you right before I left forever! That probably left you with a boatload of mixed emotions for you to sort through!”

“You did what?!” Jay’s voice chimed from behind me.

“You ever stop to think that this stuff probably hurt me just as much as it hurt you?” I shot back. “Maybe I had a lot of really mixed emotions to begin with! Maybe saying goodbye was absolutely terrifying! Maybe it took every bit of will power I had to resist the urge to ask you to come with me when-”

“You wanted me to come with you?” Her tone had suddenly softened, her voice almost at a whisper. Her eyes had filled with a shocked sort of hope. I could feel my heart slow as she looked at me, this meaningless piece of history being some sort of final piece she had been looking for and finding it had caught her into this instantaneous daze. And as I looked at her, she caught me in it too- nothing else really seemed to matter at that point.

“Well, I… yeah.” I sighed, stumbling over my words as our eyes remained locked.

“Why didn’t you-”

“I couldn’t ask you to leave. You were so at home there. I didn’t want to pressure you to leave it behind.” My reasonings resurfaced to my mind in an instant. “Besides, asking would have just gotten my hopes up. You never would have come anyway-”

“Everyone stop for a minute,” Pixal interjected, moving between us.

“No, I’m not-!”

“Shush!” Pix held a finger up to me as she looked towards the front door. “Did anyone else hear that?”

We all stopped to listen. There were voices on the other side of the door. A lot of voices.

“You weren’t expecting anyone, were you?” Jay asked.

“Not today,” Amelia shook her head. 

Before any of us could respond, there was a loud crash. 

They were trying to break in. 

“Lia, get to your room, now!” I ordered her.

I could see the panic filling her eyes, still locked on the front door. This wasn’t supposed to happen. This is why we came here in the first place. She wasn’t supposed to be mixed up in all this. But here she was. She nodded, running off, the banging at the door now a continuous pattern.

“Head’s up!” Pix tossed me a sword as one final hit broke the door down, nothing but familiar faces on the other side.

“Knock, knock!” Ultra Violet’s laughter filled the air as she moved forward. “Look at the little ninja, hiding like roaches in the cracks of Ninjago City!”

“Could you not have waited until after we had breakfast?” Jay complained, pulling out his nunchucks. “The eggs will be cold by the time we’re done with this!”

Ultra Violet just smirked, standing with her arms crossed, her army of men behind her, ready to unleash chaos.

“Find the green one.” 

As the floodgates opened, we all rushed forward, nothing but a clash of fists and metal proceeding.

“He’s not here!” Pixal warned her.

“You’ll forgive me for not believing you,” She chuckled in return, countering her attacks. “It’s a small enough apartment. I’m sure we’ll find everyone who is.”

“It’s just us! There’s no one else here!” I screamed out at her, blocking a swing from one of her goons. 

“We’ll see about that, won’t we?” There was a loud crash from behind me as Jay fell to the ground. I knocked my attacker down as I turned to see him just miss a knife to the shoulder. I rushed over, pining his attacker to the ground as he sat up. 

“You okay?”

“Tis but a scratch,” He smiled, standing up again, brushing off the new tear in his uniform. “But where’s Ultra?”

We both glanced around the room, now mostly under control, the mastermind now nowhere to be seen. It was only a second later before we got our answer. A sharp scream came from down the hall, all attention diverting in its direction as I began to panic. 

“Lia!”

My legs took me to her before I could begin to process it, but by the time I got there it was already too late. Ultra Violet stood over Lia’s body, cornered and shaking and covered in blood. 

“Now look what happens when we lie, huh?” her head turned to me, a sick smile gracing her face as I felt my blood begin to boil. “Oh, what to do, what to do?”

I lunged forward, nothing but pure rage moving me as my sword pinned her to the wall. “You start praying she’s okay, that’s what.”

“Pix, call an ambulance!” Jay’s voice came from the doorway

“You’re going to leave. Now,” I ordered her.

“Or what?”

I brought the blade closer to her neck, leaning in. “Or I kill you.”

Her eyes narrowed as she stared at me, still proud of what she’d done. “Fall back! He’s not here!” She ordered. I could hear the proceeding shuffle in the next room. I dropped my sword, letting her go, my attention immediately turning back to Amelia. The gash ran down the side of her neck, and onto her shoulder, though at this point it was hard to tell.

The blood. 

There was so. Much. blood.

It pooled on the carpet and on her clothing, scattering her arms and hands as it continued to stream out. Her eyes were stuck on the doorway, her body paralyzed as she shivered, tears falling silently in an endless flow down her cheeks. 

I kneeled in front of her, quickly taking her hand, looking for her to respond. 

“It looks a lot worse than it is,” Jay concluded, covering the wound, and beginning to apply pressure. “But she’s losing a lot of blood, fast.”

My eyes stayed on hers, her hand now desperately clenching mine, struggling to get a grip from the blood covering them both. 

“It’ll be okay. We’re here. I’m with you.”

My words were shaky, my pulse still racing as I watched her, guilt flowing over me in waves; huge, violent waves threatening to drown me. I was almost certain I had stopped breathing all together. I could see her lips trembling as she tried to speak.

“It… It hurts.”

My head sunk as I brought her hand closer, the water finally leaving my eyes.

“I know. I’m sorry. 

I’m so sorry.”

[redeadepression]

Heartbroken Headcanons

John Marston | Arthur Morgan - Heartbroken Headcanons

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

No one asked for them. I’m just feeling kinda meh and couldn’t stop wondering how John and Arthur would react to having their hearts broken.

Trigger Warning: Self Harm

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

John:

- If you broke John’s heart you would be the last person to know about it

- He wouldn’t want you to know how badly it stung

- It takes him a long time to get through heartbreak

- It affects him long-term

- Stays with him forever like a scar

- When it first happens

- He spends a lot of time hiding in his tent

- Generally withdraws from activities

- Doesn’t volunteer for jobs

- Except guard duty

- He wasn’t sleeping anyway

- And it gives him a good excuse to be in his tent during the day

- He tries to act normal

- But he’s never been a good liar

- He cries a lot

- Tries to pretend like he’s just tired when he’s asked about it

- He smokes a lot to try and calm down

- Masturbates for the same reason

- TW- He self harms when the emotional pain is too much

- TW- Burns himself with cigarettes just to feel something else

- He’s full of unhealthy coping mechanisms

- He wonders what he did wrong

- Blames it on himself

- He has bursts of anger where he lashes out

- Punches tree’s or other hard surfaces

- Yells at someone that doesn’t deserve it

- But he’s not angry with you

- He could never be angry with you

- He doesn’t blame you

- He agrees he’s not worth your time

- He’s angry at himself for not being right for you

- He’s angry at the fact that he can’t change

- He mourns you very deeply

- Even if you were never together

- Eventually he goes numb

- cold

- He gets angry and defensive if someone tries to talk to him about it

- He doesn’t have feelings

- Nope, not at all.

- Even if he did they certainly aren’t hurt

- He’ll shrug away if you try and touch him

- He doesn’t need to be comforted

- Except he does

- He needs it more than ever

- Be persistent with him

- Keep your hand on his arm after he shrugs it away

- Soon he’ll unravel and you can have a long talk about how he’s feeling

- It won’t fix him but it will start to help him feel more human

- He needs the comfort to heal

Arthur:

- Arthur spends a lot of time away from camp

- Not coming home for days or weeks at a time

- Everyone knows not to look for him

- He doesn’t take too kindly to being dropped in on during his healing process

- He spends his time hunting or fishing

- Living off the land and trying not to think about his broken heart

- Staying busy keeps his mind away from you

- He’s horribly depressed

- He allows himself one good cry

- Then it’s back to bottling everything up

- Although he does allow himself to write down his true feelings in his journal

- He mostly let’s out his feelings in anger and aggression

- He’s stupidly reckless

- Volunteering for jobs and doing them solo despite the difficulty level

- He doesn’t mind being hurt on the job

- Physical pain is better than the emotional

- He knows how to deal with it better

- But unlike John he has never self harmed

- He refuses to wallow

- He hates being alone in his tent

- He sleeps by the fire

- But nothings wrong, he’s just super cold

- He snaps at anyone that dares suggest he might be feeling emotional

- Easy way to get yourself in his Bad books for several months

- He doesn’t stay heartbroken for anywhere near as long as John

- He also blames himself

- But has an easier time accepting that you can’t be what everyone wants you to at once

- Sometimes you just have to be yourself and if people don’t like it they will move on

- He’s always ready for his lover to leave

- He never fully gives himself to them

- So he’s unsurprised when they do

- He acts unphased

- But he feels like his heart is physically being ripped from his chest

- He can not be comforted

- He won’t allow it

- Unlike John there is actually no way in

- He doesn’t want you to try

- The only way to get him to talk is if he decides he wants to

- Although alcohol wouldn’t go astray

[almxghtypurple-blog]

rules: repost, don’t reblog. just pick a muse of yours and fill it out.

muse: ALMIGHTY TALLEST PURPLE

BASICS

▸ is your muse tall/short/average? Oh baby is he T A L L. The TALLEST to be exact. 

▸ are they okay with their height? He loves his height. It establishes his superiority in the Irken hierarchy.  ▸ what’s their hair like? what if irkens were covered in peach fuzz like hair all over there entire body...? that would be gross.  ▸ do they spend a lot of time on their hair/with their grooming? whats a hair ▸ does your muse care about their appearance? Yes he does, he’s incredibly vain and if anyone said anything about the way he looked he’d probably launch them into the vacuum of space. Good thing he’s so TALL and that would NEVER happen :). ▸ does your muse care about what others think about them? If he’s not sitting at the popular table there’s no reason to live. He always wants to be thought of as the best. Although he probably wouldn’t think twice if someone short and pathetic disliked him, he’s got enough ego to fill that void. 

PREFERENCES

▸ indoors or outdoors? Indoors. He was raised in the Irken underground and honestly if there’s no TV or snacks there’s literally no point.  ▸ rain or sunshine? How about the comfort of cold metal walls and the distant hum of a generator of some sort?  ▸ forest or beach? What about being surrounded by a big fluffy blanket and a pile of snacks in front of a massive monitor w ur fav tv show on?  ▸ precious metals or gems? Metals metals ▸ flowers or perfumes? perfumes. Like the really gross middle school girl ones that smell like if you drink an entire bottle of vanilla extract and then throw it up.  ▸ personality or appearance? Appearance. Who gives a shit if you’re nice? Irken society doesn’t run on people with good attitudes it’ll chew you up if ur ugly and short.  ▸ being alone or being in a crowd? Crowd. He needs an audience ▸ order or anarchy? ANARCHY!  ▸ painful truths or white lies? White lies. Sugar coat that shit he’s just trying to have a good time

▸ science or magic? Really bad street magic 

▸ peace or conflict? Conflict ▸ night or day? Who cares ▸ dusk or dawn? What ▸ warmth or cold? Cold. ▸ many acquaintances or a few close friends? Many acquaintances; he doesn’t care if they’re all surface level and just there because they’re scared of him. 

▸ reading or playing a game? Games yeah! 

QUESTIONNAIRE

▸ what are some of your muse’s bad habits? Where do I start? He’s lazy and loses interest in things quickly; this makes him a distracted leader. His method of establishing order is through fear and intimidation. He’s vain, selfish and cruel. I could go on ▸ has your muse lost anyone close to them? how has it affected them? He watched his entire graduating class, and two leaders he looked up to die at Zim’s hand during Operation Impending Doom 1. It kinda says a lot about how he feels about Zim. As an member of a military society this should be something he’s desensitized to, but Purple is the more emotional of the two Tallests and It stuck with him, even if he’d never admit it. 

▸ what are some fond memories your muse has? Most of his fondest memories are with Red. He misses their days in elite training together.  ▸ is it easy for your muse to kill?

His superiority complex means he sees most other creatures as vermin of some sort. Easy to exterminate. This is partially due to being programmed for conquest and bred to fulfil the Irken’s totalitarian agenda. He kills without hesitation, sometimes for a fun too :) 

▸ what’s it like when your muse breaks down? Hysterical screaming or sobbing. He throws tantrums.  

▸ is your muse capable of trusting someone with their life?

only Red

▸ what’s your muse like when they’re in love? Irken love is tough and aggressive. Red and Purple bully each other often but its how they show their affection. Purple likes to show off for Red, but he’s been known to let his guard down around his partner when they’re alone. They show a lot of PDA and don't care if they make a scene in front of their entire crew. 

tagged by @agentmothmxn || I tag whoever looks at this post first >:)

[ghostmartyr]

SnK 112 Thoughts

Congrats to Eren on giving all the good people contributing to his series’ Wild Mass Guessing page a shout-out. Good on you, man. You’ve got my vote on your cult not doing anything wrong or aggravatingly stupid ever.

Also, Zeke!

It’s rare we see such a prime example of a leader in a shounen manga knowing how to delegate. Props, my man!

I hope Annie kicks both your heads off!

This is an emotional chapter.

Before we begin, I have one thing I need to get off my chest.

Thank you for your time.

First thing first!

I love how Nicolo’s entire theory is, “something shady is up with the wine and idk Zeke and spinal fluid sounds right????” This entire chapter is one long tribute to everything the fandom has ever screamed about and it is fantastic in that one aspect.

Also, hey, hope for Falco. Zeke waits until all the bottles are empty before he screams, so I would guess that he at least prefers his victims to be properly dosed. Falco should be okay. The blunt force trauma might actually be the more concerning bit for the bright and shiny little one.

Another thing I love is how every single mention of Marley somehow makes Marley come across even worse.

Sorry, that’s not fair.

I love how every single mention of Marley reminds and confirms that they are the worse, and the reminders serve to dig that knowledge deeper into all our souls until we almost don’t mind when innocent civilians are wiped off the map if it means that structure no longer exists.

“Almost” being subject to innate character and morality.

Eren does not recognize the union of “almost” and adds the asterisk of “younglings” after “innocent civilians.”

Hell though, Nicolo. At least you found yourself, even if it did come after battering a child into unconsciousness. And you kept Connie and Jean from drinking the bad juice.

I really like the interaction between Nicolo and Sasha’s dad. Nicolo’s not the man he is. He loses himself in his anger and only chance stops him from crossing a very serious line.

But Mr. Blouse is the type of man Nicolo can see the merit in, and define himself by that gap because the end of that gap is something so much better than the man who come close to murdering children.

Some people are still learning to be better, even now, because of the good people they surround themselves by.

Gabi has been surrounded by nothing but warmth (barring Nicolo and Kaya’s trauma) since arriving to Paradis. Falco is a good guy. Mikasa and Armin are good people. The family of the soldier she killed are good people.

She isn’t charging at Mikasa and Armin (and geez every time these kids get a distance shot when the other characters are standing up it fucks me up; they are too tiny for any of this). She’s been passionately defending everything she and Marley has done, but now she’s quiet, and all she can do is ask for her friend, who keeps saving her life, to not be killed. All she can do is offer up her life to make up for the crimes that she can’t imagine being forgiven.

She is so young. Killing and violence and death are the obvious conclusions to her. She’s been taught that, and she excels at that, but now she keeps finding people who are willing to stand down and not kill her.

Reiner’s character is a slow stumble into his morality breaking his mind. Slowly, the idea that these people he’s surrounded by are people encroaches.

Gabi’s thrown into the deep end and the plot keeps shoving her head down when she struggles to the surface to breathe. None of this has been kind on her. The violent assault on her sanity is the kind she’s only ever been exposed to physically.

I haven’t put much thought into what I want from the Warriors, because thoughts of anything Marley adjacent always tend to irritate me. They’re trapped in a broken cycle that they’re perpetuating, and that makes them impossible to root for.

But I think Gabi needs her cousin.

She’s always wanted to be strong for him, and he’s only clinging to life because he wants to be strong for her and Falco.

Reiner knows what it’s like to learn that your simple world is infinitely more complicated than you can bear. This is his little cousin, and she’s gone through the crash course version of his nightmare. She doesn’t need the right answer that makes it all okay (there isn’t one), but a hug and someone understanding all of the twisting moral paradoxes shattering her insides would be such a helpful thing.

Heck, it would be good for Reiner, too. Seeing all of his pain in someone he doesn’t have the heart to blame. Maybe he could find some sort of path to peace in that.

Then everything just goes straight to hell.

Despite this chapter’s... this chapter...ness, Eren stepping straight into the backroom with his hand covered in blood? Hella fucking cool. Like. That is one thing I absolutely did not see coming, and it is a great way to bring him on back in.

I thought he wouldn’t get to talk to Armin or Mikasa until his plan exploded and they needed to bail him out. I never once expected him to just walk right in and take his buddies hostage for a nice, quiet conversation.

That said, yike.

Yike, yike, and dare I say it, yikes.

Grior reveals Our Heroes’ location, and that’s... really scary in itself, because Grior tells him that he’s grown too close with Eldians, yet Grior is helping the fanatical Eldians act in accordance with Zeke’s plans.

So it isn’t that Nicolo’s gotten too close with Eldians, it’s that he’s grown close to them without the purpose of exploiting them. Which, as every Marleyan soldier knows, is a bad thing.

And Floch doesn’t mind. He’s accepting the help of Grior without any comment.

Let’s do a brief headcount: Yelena, Zeke, and Eren run a cult of fanatic Eldians under the banner of a new Eldian Empire. Paradis’ military is theoretically running Paradis but really sentenced to the whims of said cult. At least one prisoner of war sides with helping out the cult. The Anti-Marley Volunteers (or at least Onyankopon) are in the dark.

Floch is, partially, willing to let Zeke’s plans play out however they may because they can work to destabilize the current Paradis government.

It’s fitting that this chapter is called, “Ignorance.” Willful and unwillful.

And as Eren says, nothing is further from freedom.

Now let’s get to the fun happy times of EMA.

See? Eren gets out of prison and the first thing on his mind is talking to his best friends! Such a touching, emotional sentiment!

...

Yeah, do you guys know where to begin? I don’t.

This is just.

Honestly, I keep moving back to yikes?

Eren is gathering people he has no emotional attachment to to his side, and aggressively pushing his friends away. He is doing everything he can to abandon them on the roadside and make sure they will have zero desire to come crawling back to him.

The question is if he’s doing this because he believes it’s best within his own head, he believes it’s the best response to being threatened into this, or if Eren’s just gone completely haywire in the membrane and his PTSD is finally attacking people besides himself emotionally.

This kind of deliberate cruelty has like. motive.

Mikasa tries to talk to Eren by reminding him of how kind he is. The warmth is what saves her in her mind, not the violence. She’s the one to bring up the kidnapping.

Eren counters.

Nothing like kindness saves her. It’s biology. Friendship doesn’t bind them, slavery does. Happenstance brings them together and keeps them there.

Mikasa argues. She says he’s wrong, and tells him it’s because of him that she’s strong, meaning him as a person.

Eren doesn’t address that. Despite being the one to ask how he’s wrong, when he’s given an attempt at an answer, he keeps monologuing rather than respond to Mikasa’s feelings for him. He brings up her headaches.

Mikasa is dead, and a slave, and he hates her.

“Do you know who I hate most in this world? Anyone who isn’t free.”

Ignorance is furthest from freedom. Even in this script Eren has adopted, no matter how much of it is the truth, if Eren’s seeking to relieve Mikasa of her ignorance, he’s seeking to bring the slave he hates so much freedom. From him.

Funny, she might protect Eren automatically, but she doesn’t have any problem with headaches when Armin punches Eren and makes him bleed.

Armin earns a less prolonged speech before all of it, and it’s...

For both of them, this is the worst thing they could hear from Eren. Armin, as a child, always feels useless next to his strong friends. His huge moment in Trost comes from realizing they never see him that way. It’s all in his head.

This isn’t in his head. This is Eren, telling him he’s useless.

Telling him that Bertolt, who’s only in his head because Eren fought tooth and nail to put him there, is interfering with his free will.

(Also even if everything Eren is saying is the bull it feels like, can has Frieda!Eren? Memory seepage. Canonize my brotp, manga. Do it.

(Double also, lol at Eren saying that memories are part of who you are, and Armin having Bertolt’s means bad things, but Eren having... lots has no effect, he is teh free as a bird. Kiddo, you are not a good bad guy.))

Eren calls himself free before he starts talking. He’s free from his ignorance in a way they are not, and he chooses to enlighten his friends.

Good grief. And more grief. Less than good grief?

Terrible grief?

ALL the grief.

Eren’s the one who wants a peaceful talk with his friends. All so he can beat the crap out of them physically and emotionally.

Eren.

What in the fuck. What reason could you possibly have to need Armin and Mikasa that far away from you? Why do they need to be pushed out of trying to see the good in you?

I’m sure there’s a reason, because story.

But wow.

Killing younglings was one thing. Lording the high ground and your blood brother over your real family?

Your heroic sacrifice where you finally die and everyone’s crying about how you did all this stupid stuff alone but truly for a good cause had better make me cry like a damn baby kid, or you are dead to me.

Additionally, heeeey. Guess what.

Guess what Eren’s learned about important things.

And throwing them away.

Can you guess.

Can you.

It’s the family he has that isn’t pro-murder.

That’s actually of serious interest to me, because one of the things I think the story has been moving towards is an actual examination of the belief that you need to sacrifice things to change things. While Armin states that in a philosophical, hey, this seems like how we win, way, the story has, more and more, focused on the love that keeps people from making certain sacrifices.

Eren’s thrown love, the only reason Armin’s alive to punch him, away.

For as dark as this story is, that’s never been the right choice. Letting people go is understood and respected. Disloyalty is scorned and rejected.

My theory for a while has been that the true answer to these sacrifices is that if you throw away the things you care about to change the world, that world will have changed into something abominable.

The world would be a different place if Sasha didn’t care about killing children.

Sasha being Sasha is why Nicolo tries to fight Zeke’s plans.

Eren’s world without Armin and Mikasa is not going to be a better one for him, and possibly not for anyone else, either.

Then we lead into...

Things that just make me really, really uncomfortable.

I don’t mind people like Levi suggesting that someone eats Zeke, then dies in a few months when Historia eats that person. I. That’s fine. That’s a fine plan, and it makes sense for where they’re at, and anyone who agreed to that would agree, no issue.

Historia’s plotline continues to make me... uncomfortable is really the word. Not the tragic, devastating uncomfortable that Eren’s stuff is. Just... the sickening kind. The fact that people have, off-screen, come to terms with perpetuating the same kind of bloody sacrifice of their children that plagues their entire society after we had an entire arc ending with Historia going hey, actually fuck that...

A thirteen-year-old being bred to eat its mother is a disgusting concept.

I know I’ve said it before, and I realize people are probably done with my feelings on the subject, but if that is really the story being told--even if it avoids that conclusion, the fact that a scheme like that is allowed to get so far without any comment to the contrary except by the Kylo Ren wannabe at the very start--

Why in the fuck should I care what happens to these people?

You raise a child to die for you, you don’t deserve to live.

What happens if they don’t consent in thirteen years? What if they don’t want to eat their mommy? Oh well, we’re going to force you, just like every other Eldian society from the dawn of time? Or guilt you into it because thousands of lives depend on you having none?

Fuck all of you. If that’s your plan, I don’t mind Zeke killing each and every last one of you. I will naturally prefer if he dies in the process, but it’s not the prerequisite you might think.

(Repeated statement that at this point, I will be doing my fandom activities until the series ends, but yeah. This is the place where I choose to opt out, emotionally, if it’s really going down like this.)

Um. In news that actually matters to people who aren’t me, heeeeey, Levi alone in the forest with 31 titans.

This is why the SnK kinkmeme was created.

It’s also really sad.

They killed the titans inside their home.

Zeke’s bringing them back.

Annie needs to kick so many people in the head I can’t even.