#harry styles law

[0nlythrowharrybeaux]

Twelve Days

After her fiance broke up their engagement Y/N has been isolating for months, but now it's the holidays and she must show up to spend it with her family. Fearful that her failure of a love life would be the main topic of discussion, she's prepared to have the worst time. That is until her brother in law, Harry, reveals an even bigger problem than her own.

Warnings: infidelity, break ups, mentions of depression and anxiety and their symptoms, mentions of alcohol and drugs, description of masturbation (male), voyeurism, implied inappropriate relationship

WC: 11.5K

Day One:

“You can do hard things.” You whispered to yourself as you drove down the street as you looked out for your parents’s car in a driveway.

You hadn’t spent the holidays with your family for the past three years. You just had a lot of things going on and lived across the country for the first year away. And then traveled the following year with your significant other and then this last year you’d spent the holidays with them and their family since you’d gotten engaged. 

However, earlier in the year after nearly a year engaged, your fiancé backed out of the engagement and ended things with you. It had been the greatest humiliation and heartbreak of your life! After breaking the news to your parents over the phone followed by a “so I’m gonna need some space”, you’d successfully avoided every one from your family for the last several months, until now. You were mostly nervous to see your aunt and older sister. They were the most judgmental out of everyone and you hadn’t been in a place to hear their negativity. But now you were gonna be stuck with them all for twelve days. 

Twelve days in Palm Springs and you were sure that you weren’t going to enjoy at least 70% of it with their probing and commentary on what you did wrong or should have done. Your dad was great about placating his younger sister, but not so much your own sister. She was definitely the golden child out of you both, so your parents were never all that hard on her, nor did they challenge her too much. You believed that she never meant to be malicious towards you but sometimes you did question if she just liked to feel like she was better than you. This particular situation made you feel a bit uneasy because it felt like an opportunity for her to rub your nose in it because she was happily married to one of the best guys you’d ever met and they had a perfect life together. She honestly did not need to do anything more to remind you that she in fact was far better off than you were in this particular area of your life.

“Fuck me…” you muttered as you saw your mom, aunt, and sister unloading grocery bags from the car parked in the wide open garage of the house. You saw your sister point as the older women turned in your direction and smiled. You smiled as well and waved briefly before focusing on parking your car in the final space, beside your mom’s. You exhaled and then stepped out, already feeling that sinking feeling in your stomach growing with each step you took towards them. You could already hear their excited greetings to you. 

“Hey.” You chuckled as your mother enveloped you in a big hug and squeezed.

“Te extra��e, hijita.” She hummed lowly. You felt warm inside for a few seconds. It gave you sense of comfort knowing that she had missed you.

“Yo también.” You mumbled but ended the hug quickly because after what had happened to you, you truly needed a hug from your mom and it was going to make you cry. 

“Hi mija! How are you holding up?” Your aunt, Claudia, asked as she hugged you next and you semi-smiled.

“I’m good. Thanks.”

“Are you sure?” She pressed as she pulled back and looked in your eyes in concern and you nodded quickly.

“Okay. You know, whatever you need-”

“Yeah, thanks.” You nodded with a smile as she moved aside to let you greet your sister.

“Hey.” You smiled as she opened her arms and you hugged. You weren’t all that affectionate with each other so feeling her squeeze you closer felt a little unfamiliar but you just let it go on until she pulled back and placed her hands on your shoulders.

“You look good.” She complimented you. “That’s good. Show that loser what he walked out on.” She said with a smirk and you just nodded.

You felt your irritation towards her prick up your body. You hated that she attributed you looking after yourself to some revenge plot towards your ex. You had always been the kind of person to keep up with your appearance. You definitely kept things on the lighter more natural side for day to day, but you always had some makeup on. You dressed well and with thought behind your look. And you did all these things because it just made you feel good about yourself, it gave you that added little confidence boost that we all need. It was something that mattered to you and you didn’t do so for the male gaze. You felt like that was a slight dig, but you knew that she hadn’t meant it as such. You were quite sensitive though, so you always checked yourself before committing to the feeling that she wanted to piss you off. 

“Can I help you guys with the groceries?” You offered.

“You need to unpack.” Your mom reminded you and you smiled.

“Right.” You said and they continued with their task while you turned to your car. You lifted the trunk open and pulled out your shoes duffle and then reached for the handle of your large rolling suitcase. You tugged hard and then felt some resistance. “Shit.” You cursed to your self when you saw that it had gotten caught on something from the top of the trunk. You had filled that baby to brim and admittedly it was resting on a decently high bed of garbage bags filled with clothes that you’d been meaning to drop off at a thrift store near your work for a couple months now. 

“Need a hand?” You heard and jumped in fear as your brother-in-law’s voice coming from behind you shocked you.

“Fuck, Harry! You scared me!” You laughed, despite your creased features. 

“I’m so sorry.” He chuckled. Your lips started turning up as you took in his toothy grin and crinkled eyes.

“It’s fine. I think it got caught on something. I’ve got so much shit in there.” You explained and he went over to you as you moved aside to let him inspect the issue. Moments later he was pulling your suitcase out of the trunk successfully.

“You’re gonna need a new one. It tore the fabric beside the zipper.” He notified you and you huffed.

“Of course it did…” 

“I saw a roll of duct tape when I was snooping through the drawers in the pool house.” He shared, “We can put a little patch of it over the torn bit so that you can give’er, her final trip before you toss her out.” He suggested unironically and you smirked.

“How do you know it’s a her?” You asked and he smiled.

“I heard you refer to her as Jenna Rink once.”

“What? When?! Like 4 years ago? Because I haven’t seen you in ages…” You laughed.

“Yeah, actually.” He said pensively, his brows creasing deep for a few seconds as he thought about it and then he smiled. "It was when we were helping you pack for Connecticut.” He recalled and you smiled.

“Wow…great memory.” You complimented and he shrugged. 

“Guess so!”

“I just have these two if you need help bringing anything else in.” You said as you closed your trunk and watched him reach into the trunk of your mom’s BMW X4. It was her current pride and joy and had been her and your dad’s 36th anniversary splurge.  

“No, it’s just three more bags.” He assured you, “Just close it for me?”

“Yeah, go on.” You assured him and reached up to close the trunk before following behind him, you could hear the commotion inside as you approached the garage door.  And when you walked in you were overpowered by the delicious scent of some sort of breakfast sweet treat and bacon.

“Look how sweet these men are! They made us brunch!” Your sister, Julie, exclaimed as you walked in.

“Wow!” You smiled as you saw your dad checking on the French toast cooking on a griddle. 

“Y/N!” He exclaimed happily and left his task to hug you tight. He kissed your cheek and you chuckled as he told you that he missed you and was so happy to see you.

“Thanks, dad.” You hummed.

“Need help?” He asked you.

“I got it.” You assured, “Just need to know where to go.” You smiled.

“Harry, give Y/N the tour so we can set everything up!” Your sister cut in.

“Okay, just watch the bacon f’me.” He request as he set the grocery bags down. He then turned to you and grabbed the side of the suitcase handle, “I’ve got this.” He assured you.

“Thanks.” You smiled and he nodded before guiding you towards the living room.

“Let me show you what’s available.” He glanced back and you nodded. You went towards the main entrance and then turned right at the corner of the wall.

“There’s one down here. It’s the door on your left.” He said nodding towards the end of the short hallway and you slipped past him to get a look at the bedroom.

“Why didn’t it get claimed?” You asked Harry.

“Because your parents’ bathroom is on the other side of that wall.” He said and you huffed.

Your father was a notorious YouTube addict. He loved to watch videos about the news and world events but at full volume at all times, it was annoying to say the least.

“Your aunt chose the corner room.” He said and you nodded. 

“I take it you and Julie took the pool house?”

“Yep.” He said and you huffed.

“The bedroom furthest from ours is free too.”

“And why is that one free?”

“Because of the potential for noise, it’s behind the kitchen and shares a wall with the laundry room.”

“God, was it designed as a servant’s quarter?” You scoffed and he chuckled, “What are the other options?”

“Then there’s the room beside it, but it’s a jack-and-jill bathroom with the servant’s quarter room, so there’s no counter space.” He explained and you groaned. “And then the room at the very end has a queen bed and it’s own bathroom-”

“But?” You asked.

“It’s only like 10 feet from the pool house.” He said.

“Oh…” you groaned, “Just keep the sex volume to a minimum, please.” You said with a grimace and he chuckled and rolled his eyes.

“Right…” He said sarcastically and you shrugged.

“Just have to put it out there.” 

“Don’t worry, you won’t have to witness any of that.” He emphasized.

“Perfect.” You hummed. He proceeded to guide you back through the kitchen where your family was urging you to hurry so that you could all eat. “I’ve got the door.” You said as you slipped past him and hurried to the end of the narrow hall. 

“Thanks.” He said as he wheeled your suitcase into the bedroom. The natural light was lovely. You looked around while you dropped your duffle bag of shoes onto the ground. 

“Oh yeah, you’ve got a tiny patio.” He said optimistically. 

“Well that’ll come in handy!” You chirped.

“Why’s that?” He asked as he left your suitcase right beside the closet door.

“I smoke a bit before I eat and before bed if I need it.” You explained, “After…everything I’ve been a bit down and it’s impacted my sleep and appetite.” You explained as you started out the small sliding glass door that led out to the small patio.

“Sounds like depression…” he said and you sighed.

“Yeah…I see a therapist, don’t worry.” You assured him.

“Yeah?” He asked and you turned and nodded when you saw him waiting expectantly for your answer. “Is it helping?”

“Yeah, I think so. I mean, I’m not as bad as I was like a month ago. S’why I decided to come but now I’m just nervous about what they’re gonna tell me about it.” You admitted to him and he hummed in understanding. 

Harry had always been extremely easy to talk to. You didn’t talk regularly but would randomly send memes, recipes, OOTD’s, and little check-in’s every now and again. You’d say that you had a  good relationship with him as his sister-in-law. You got along, you had good boundaries, and most importantly, you both wanted what was best for Julie. 

“Well if it helps, your mum reminded everyone to not bring it up over dinner when we got here.”

“Lovely…” you chuckled and he smiled. “And how are you doing?” You asked as you sat on the mattress.

“Well-”

“Harry! Y/N! Hurry up, we’re hungry!” Your sister shouted from the kitchen.

“Rain check.” You said and he nodded once, “Let me wash my hands and I’ll be right out.” You said and he nodded again before heading out of the bedroom.

Thankfully, brunch was going alright. No one had brought up your failed engagement yet, Julie was just talking a lot about an important work project she’d been assigned to for the last several months. She seemed a little flustered as she spoke about the project and Harry seemed a bit annoyed with this topic of conversation. Julie’s work had caused some issues between them in the past when they were dating. She was an overachiever and tended to overcommit herself, leading to her neglecting several other areas of her life.

This had likely happened again and if Harry was upset about it, then it was probably pretty bad because it took a lot for him to be upset to the point that he’d externalize it. Other than that little bit of tension, everything had gone well and you were now digging through your suitcase for the bathing suit you were certain you had packed. After giving up on trying to keep everything folded, you just dumped the contents out onto the bed and huffed when you realized that you had not actually packed the swimming suit.

“Julie, do you have a bathing suit I can borrow? I forgot to pack mine!” You called from the door to the back yard. 

“Yeah, but don’t grab my bikinis! Grab the other one.” She instructed.

“Is it ugly?” You asked.

“No, but it’s my least favorite of the two.” She said with a slightly apologetic smile from the jacuzzi.

“Okay.” You assured her.

“It should be in the top left drawer.” She called to you and you nodded, “Just go in through the main door, not the sliding doors. I think Harry’s napping!” She informed you and you gave her a thumbs up as you made your way out into the backyard and to the pool house. You quietly opened up the door and slipped inside, you heard the shower running and immediately felt a little embarrassed for intruding but then you heard something else… A gravelly grunt in a consistently rhythmic interval. You had to get out now! But then you heard him speak.

“Fuck, baby… you’re so fucking good.” You heard him mutter and then thought that maybe he’d snuck some bitch in! With rage building in your body, you swiftly but quietly made your way over to the bathroom door that was only half closed and you peeked in only to see Harry alone in the shower. He was facing the shower head so that thankfully saved you the embarrassment of seeing all of him.

You felt relief upon confirming that he was alone but then the realization set in that he was getting himself off. You knew it was wrong to stay but still allowed yourself one more moment to ogle him. Your eyes raked across the broad expanse of his shoulders and then moved on to admire his gorgeous back. He had muscle outlines in places you’d never seen on another person before and his ass was tight and perky. As your gaze traveled down, you honed in on his thick thighs and it made you bite your lower lip. You briefly thought about how it might feel to sit on his lap. And then you felt your stomach sink as you realized that you were doing something really fucked up right now. The feeling sobered up your lust-hazed mind and you blinked away the imagine of his dripping wet, naked body from your memory.

  “Fuuuck…Fuck!” he groaned and your heart stopped as your eyes flew back over to his frame. You could see his right arm moved back and forth with the pace of his pumping fist over his cock and seconds later he was gasping for air as he came undone. 

You took a few steps back, still in complete disbelief at what you had just witnessed. You could feel your walls pulsing steadily with arousal. You needed to get what you needed and get out! You dashed to the dresser and pulled open the drawer your sister instructed and saw her two weeks worth of underwear and work-out clothes in there. Just then you heard the shower shut off. Your heart started pounding hard as you started digging through the drawer frantically and you hadn’t found anything! Then the shower door creaked open. You pulled open the next drawer down and saw an array of tops and pants and you groaned quietly and slammed it closed in frustration.

“Jules?” You heard Harry’s voice call out and you felt your entire world start to crumble. You were trying to speak up but no words were able to come out of your mouth. You started to back away but right before you made it around the corner to the main entrance you heard Harry sigh, “Y/N, shit…”

You twirled around to see him half naked, bottom half wrapped in a towel. You were so terrified in that moment. Getting pulverized by a meteor would be the best outcome right about now.

“D-did you-”

“Yeah.” You confirmed quietly before he could finish his question. 

“Fuck…look ummm, I’m sorry. I’m so fucking sorry.” He apologized, “I don’t know what the fuck I was thinking…” he shook his head nervously, “It’s a fucking family holiday.” He muttered and you sighed.

“No, I get it! You thought you were alone, it’s fine. Let’s just forget it.” You reassured.

“I’m sorry.” he apologized once more and you offered a small, sympathetic smile.

“I know.”

“What are you even doing in here?” He asked.

“Julie’s letting me borrow a bathing suit but I can’t find them.” You explained.

“Oh, she put those all the way at the bottom drawer with all her cover ups.” He informed and you huffed.

“Her stupid ass told me they were in the top drawer.” You mumbled and he chuckled as you headed over and opened the drawer Harry had said and sure enough, there were the extra bathing suits. 

You reached for the bathing suit that she was obviously letting you borrow. It was obvious because it was a rust brown color and not some cute little pattern. It was a one-shouldered, cutout one piece bathing suit with a ribbed textured fabric that you knew you’d love gliding your freshly done nails over just to feel them slightly catch over each little ridge. You thought it was actually quite cute, but could see how your sister wouldn’t really like it as much as she initially thought. 

“Well I’ll uhhh, get out of here. S-sorry again for ummm…eaves dropping.” You said as you fluttered your gaze away from his nervously. Harry chuckled a bit and you glanced to him again, happy that he had taken it lightly.

“Sorry for the literal sexual harassment!” He said with a painfully embarrassed expression on his face.

“If anyone here harassed anybody, it was me! Coming into an obviously…intimate moment and sneaking a peek!” You said to him comfortingly.

“Wait. You watched?!” He asked through a disbelieving laugh, “You just finished saying it was an 'eaves drop’!” He exclaimed and you groaned in embarrassment as you gave yourself up.

“I’m sorry!” You cried in embarrassment.

“Don’t be.” He chuckled with a careless shrug and you frowned a bit, “Not like that! I mean that you shouldn’t feel sorry f-for coming into this. I shouldn’t have been…you know? Especially with the door open. Like anyone could’ve come in, you know?” 

“Sounds like we both fucked up a pretty equal amount.” You said and he nodded in agreement, “Let’s just… pretend that you were napping like everyone thinks you are and that I just grabbed what I needed and hurried out. Cool?” You asked and he nodded.

“Cool.”

“Alright, see you out there.”

“Yeah.” He said before you rushed out quickly. 

“Y/N, can you wake H up? Tell him to join us!” Your sister called out and you nodded and opened the door back up and headed inside to find Harry with his face in his hands,

“She wants you out there.” You said and he nodded.

“I heard.” He said and you could hear that he was crying.

“Hey, what’s the matter? I told you that we’re good!” You assured him with a deep frown and he exhaled and shook his head.

“It’s nothing to do with you, I promise. Just go.” He asserted.

“No, no, no… if it’s nothing to do with me, then what is it?” You pressed and he sighed.

“Look Y/N, I just need some space, okay? Please get out.” He resisted and you nodded.

“Okay. Just ummm, get out there.” You said and he nodded again before you left. 

You assured your sister that Harry was awake but you swore that it felt like an out of body experience. You could feel the steady beat of your heart at the base of your throat. You were also extremely turned on and you were concerned that the image of Harry’s solo session was practically burned into your longterm memory. The way he sounded and the things he said…they were on a loop in your brain but doing anything about it felt wrong. And as you dressed down you started to wonder if he had gone as far as carrying out any fantasies he had involving other people. Maybe he felt guilty for being caught but also for other things he had done? You didn’t want your mind to wander too far so you just took a deep breath and headed outside with everyone else. 

When Harry joined in he just stayed on one of the lounges that were built into the pool, which was unusual for him. He was typically very active and playful but he had his headphones in and a book about social policy in hand. You couldn’t see his eyes through his sunglasses but when you attempted to, he glanced away, meaning you had successfully made eye contact with him somehow. 

“Is Harry alright? He seems…off?” You said to your sister and she nodded.

“Yeah, he’s fine. He’s just a little moody over a disagreement we had about something.” She said and you hummed.

“Are you alright?” You asked next. Trying to fish out more information.

“Yeah, I’m fine. It’s him who has the issue.” She said with a slight scoff and you hummed. “Are you fine?” She asked and you shrugged.

“So-so.” You said and she hummed.

“I know that you’re sad about this right now but trust me, there’s nothing worse than committing your life to the wrong person.” She said and you frowned before glancing back to her.

“Are you just saying that or speaking from experience?” 

“From experience! I married a really wonderful man!” She said a bit defensively, “That’s how I know I made a great decision. There were other men that I was so infatuated with but were not able to give me what I wanted or needed. Like-”

“We don’t have to say his name.” You cut in and she nodded.

“Harry is…the ideal partner.” Julie said with a shrug. “And you know, I never told you this, but he stepped up at the 11th hour. I felt like maybe I was never going to get married because of how much I work and all but he…he understands and supports me.” She said and you nodded.

“That’s really good.” You offered a small smile and she nodded.

“Now, what is taking Claudia so long? She’s supposedly making us all some Palomas.” She said as she turned towards the main house to try and get a look inside.

“She wasn’t in the kitchen when I came out. Maybe she’s in the bathroom?” You said and she hummed. But then you started thinking about the bathroom and Harry in the bathroom having a steamy shower. Your face started to heat with a blush and you just fanned at your face for a moment. 

“It’s wild that it’s basically 80 degrees in December isn’t it?” She asked and you nodded.

“Yeah, but it’s nicer than being snowed in.” You said, “I did miss the weather the most.” You said, “I’m glad to be back.”

“Missed that more than us?” Your sister asked with a small smile.

“You know what I mean…” you mumbled and she smirked.

“We’re glad you’re back too.” She said and you smiled.

“Thanks.” You hummed.

Day Two: 

When you woke up the following morning it was because the door to the pool house closed loudly. You sighed and rubbed your eyes before grabbing your phone to look at the time. It was barely 6:30 on Sunday morning and you were a little annoyed that your sleep time had been cut short. You were surprised by how easily you had been able to fall asleep and most importantly, you had stayed asleep through the whole night. 

You laid there for a few minutes, staring at the designs of your ceiling from the light peeking through the blocks used to section off your little patio. You had committed to morning walks as part of your healing journey and intended on taking one later on but as you considered how much hotter it could get later on you decided to just wash up and go now, you were up anyway.

The neighborhood this AirBnb was in was gated and it only kept these vacation homes. You did see a few of them were rented out but most of them were desolate. When you finally started to circle back around you saw Julie walking down the corner of the street before your house. She walked down to the first house on that side street and then twirled around. When you were close enough to be within her line of sight you raised your hand to wave and she looked a bit startled at first and then put on a smile as she spoke quickly and waved with her other hand as she made her way back towards the corner of the main street. She hung up the phone as you crossed the street to reach her.

“Morning.” You greeted.

“Good morning.” She responded quickly.

“You didn’t have to hang up your call. I’m desperate to get back and have a shower. It’s already warming up.” You said.

“It’s fine…I shouldn’t have even been on the call while we’re here.” She explained.

“Work?” You asked and she hummed.

“Well, pick up where you left off.” you assured her.

“Thanks. I won’t be long.”

“Of course. See you back there.”

“Yeah, see ya’.” Julie hummed and you hurried past the next two houses until your reached your rental.

When you made it inside, much to your surprise, Harry was already in the kitchen, he seemed upset from how quiet he was as he cut up some fruits silently.

“Good morning.” You greeted him.

“Hey.” He responded as he spared you a glance before continuing with his task. “Did you run into your sister by any chance?” He asked and you nodded.

“Yeah, she’s still on her call.”  You said cooly and he glanced up at you.

“Was she?” Harry asked and you nodded.

“You know, I get that she’s a workaholic and all but I think you need to ease up on her about that. I know it was an issue before but I mean, you knew how she was with this stuff from the start. Like, I get why you’d be upset when she does work stuff while on vacation, but it’s just who she is, you know? It’d almost be expected, I’d say.” You explained.

“Guess you’re right.” He mumbled as he continued doing what he was doing.

“Exactly. So stop brooding over things you have no control over. You’re just going to spoil your own time.” You advised.

“Okay… whatever.” He mumbled and you smiled and playfully punched his arm as you walked by and headed towards your room to get showered. 

***********

Harry was already in a bad mood and after what you’d mentioned to him, he was even more upset. There was something that had been weighing on his chest for the last year. Something that he had hoped to talk to you about but with everything going on with your ex, he didn’t want to overburden you with his issues with Julie. 

It was Valentine’s Day when he got an anonymous call from a private number saying that Julie was cheating on him, it had been left as a voicemail since he did not pick up the call. But even then, the voice had like an automated filter over it, so he paid no mind to it. But then, a few weeks later he’d picked up her phone because she kept receiving tons of texts and they were from a guy, a guy that he already knew. 

Joseph was a friend of Julie’s from grad school who had landed the same internship site as her and they ended up getting hired at the same hospital in the accounting department. Apparently, they’d had a friends with benefits things going for a while before she started dating Harry. When he had asked if she had feelings for Joseph she admitted that while she liked him a bit more than she ought to, she knew that he would never commit to her, he wasn’t that kind of guy. And she assured Harry that she liked him a lot more. More enough to end things with Joe so that they could give it an honest try. It had been about five or six months of them being together when he caught her making out with Joe at a co-workers’s wedding. He ended things on the spot because he knew that there was history there. But when Julie came to him after a few days, pleading and begging for forgiveness, the love he had developed for her broke him down and he accepted her apology. She promised that it would never ever happen again and he believed her. And to his knowledge, it hadn’t happened until he discovered that it had happened again. By the looks of it, it had been happening for nearly six months already.

Of course, he confronted Julie about it and once again, she promised she’d stop but this time, he insisted they go to couples counseling to fix whatever was causing her to cheat and that she would need to allow him to look through her phone when he felt suspicious of her. Not forever, but just until he was able to trust her again. But during that time she’d also accepted a new job for a development firm, meaning no more Joe at work. So the counseling had been deprioritized by them both and whenever he’d ask to look through her phone it was never an issue and she always complied, so this made him feel even more trust towards her.

And over the last few months he’d felt suspicious over a work trip she went on but found nothing and now she had been assigned to doing the budgeting and accounting for a big new project with a client from France which had her working longer or strange hours. But sometimes her stories wouldn’t add up. So last month when she told him she was working late he showed up at her office before the end of the day and sure enough, she left right on time but drove to the nearest suburb where he saw her meet up with Joe. It was happening again and he was just collecting evidence this time around. He knew that this phone call wasn’t for work, it was Joseph. 

All day Harry was brooding, waiting for the opportune moment to confront her. Eventually, he found the alone time and he was looking in her eyes asking her to please just be honest with him.

“Harry, you’re acting insane!” Julie threw her hands up in defeat as she finally exploded.

“I’m not! I know what you’ve been doing!” He shouted.

“What?! You’ve seen my phone every time you’ve asked, there hasn’t been anything.” She insisted.

“I followed you one night, after you said you were working late.” He said and he saw her starting to tense in rage.

“What the fuck, Harry?! How could you do that to me?” She shouted.

“Because I don’t fucking trust you!” He shouted back, “I cannot trust you.” He emphasized and she shook her head. “Please, don’t try to fucking gaslight me. Just say it. Say it.” 

“Harry…”

“I need to know. If you even have a shred of love or respect for me, you need to be honest.” He begged and she sighed.

“Fine…I’ve been seeing him again.” Julie admitted and Harry nodded with a sad smile on his face. His gaze drifted past her and focused onto the wall across from him as he just let the reality sink in. 

“How long?” He asked monotonously.

“Just a few months.” She said. “I’m sorry.”

“What the fuck…” he sighed sadly.

**********

Your day was slowly going to shit. After you showered you picked up your phone and when you saw the memory it prompted you to view, you felt your heart sink. It was from your last Valentine’s day. That led you down memory lane and all day you were thinking about your failed relationship in some way or another. After lunch your parents and aunt went out to some market and you decided to just take a nap. You were startled awake a couple hours later because your phone started ringing. You huffed at the spammer who called and settled into the silence. That’s when you heard the shouting from the pool house. You sat up as it quieted it down for a few seconds before your sister was shouting louder than before. You still couldn’t make out what was being said but you hurried out of bed and decided to go break it up. You rushed out through your patio and hurried to the sliding doors, getting ready to knock when you heard Harry shouting angrily…

“I want to get divorced because you keep cheating on me!” There was silence and once again you found yourself overstaying your welcome to listen in. “I’m not just saying it like it’s nothing. Yes, I realize that it’s a serious step to take but this has gone on for long enough, Julie. I’m not going to continue to be committed to you when you’re not committed to me in the same way.” He said more calmly. When your sister started to cry you backed away and hurried back to your bedroom.

You were in complete shock that your sister was cheating on Harry. It seemed like the least likely scenario to ever happen to them. Especially for that to be something that your sister did! It didn’t make any sense! Even the day before, she had told you that Harry was the best decision she had ever made. However, that would explain why Harry was acting strange. If he already had suspicions and then you mentioned she was outside taking a call, you could see how his mind would go in that direction. More so when it was something that had happened before. You also felt really guilty now because you had quite literally just disappeared from everyone’s lives because of your own issues without really thinking that they might be going through their own challenges. To be fair, your sister didn’t ever like to show any vulnerability, so you’d never know that something was actually wrong unless you caught her at the perfect moment, but still. You could’ve at least asked her or even Harry! 

“We’re back!” You heard your aunt announce as soon as you’d made it back into your bedroom. To prevent them from hurrying off to find Julie and Harry you hurried out of the room.

“How was it?” You asked your aunt and parents as they congregated in the kitchen.

“It was nice!” She smiled and then your mom and aunt proceeded to show you the little knick knacks they had picked up at the outdoor market. 

“We should get started on dinner. Can you get your sister and Harry, they were going to be in charge of dinner tonight.” Your mother informed and you nodded and made your way over to the pool house. 

Thankfully, they weren’t shouting anymore, but when you knocked and Harry opened the door you felt the tension escaping from the room in gargantuan waves. While his eyes were a little blood shot he looked relieved to see you.

“Ummm, they said you guys were in charge of dinner tonight?” You informed.

“Right…ummm, Julie’s got a bad headache so she’s gonna try and sleep it off for a bit. Do you mind helping me?” He asked you.

“Not at all.” You assured.

“Thanks. I’ll be over there in a bit.” He said and you nodded and hurried back inside.

There was almost an unspoken rule that you were not to cook for your family except on their birthdays if they asked or on a holiday. You did it for a living, you were a private chef, so you cooked for people every single day for hours and hours. But this time, you were inclined to make an exception to stand in for Julie. While everyone else got showered and ready for dinner, you and Harry were in there preparing everyone’s meal. You were melting the butter down and getting it all aromatic with the rosemary and garlic while the filets marinated in their dry rub of seasoning that Harry had mixed up earlier. He had moved on to peeling potatoes he had boiled earlier in they day as well and he seemed to be very entranced with his task. You kept stealing glances of him to ensure he was okay and were dying to ask him if he was but didn’t want to risk upsetting him for eaves dropping once again.

“What’s wrong?” He asked without looking away from the final potato he was peeling and you sighed.

“I…heard you guys fighting.” You admitted and he glanced up quickly.

“Oh…all of it?” He asked and you shrugged.

“Basically and well, the most…important bit.” You confessed and he sighed. “I’m sorry. I was just going to try and deescalate the argument because it was really heated. I’m so sorry!” You apologized.

“It’s alright. I’m glad that someone else knows now. I’ve been carrying this around for months at this point.” He explained and you frowned upon hearing this.

“I’m so sorry, Harry. Are you alright?”

“I will be once your sister agrees to a divorce.” He explained lowly.

“Why won’t she?” You asked and he shrugged.

“We can talk more about this later if that’s alright with you? I just ummm…I don’t want to risk someone else coming out and hearing this.” He explained.

“Oh, of course!” You assured him and he nodded before you just got back to your respective tasks. 

Harry was very in his head and it made you feel sad for him because he genuinely looked concerned and sad. When you finished setting the rest of the vegetables to steam you excused yourself to get cleaned up for dinner. He thanked you for your help and let you know that he’d cook the steaks once everyone was at the table so that they could be cooked how each person preferred. 

Once dinner came around Julie was acting completely fine. She looked extremely put together and refreshed. Her ability to just pretend like everything was fine made you feel a bit upset at her. What more could she be hiding behind that nonchalant facade? You were trying your best not to judge her too harshly but surface level you saw no reason for why she would cheat on Harry. A small and very petty part of you was satisfied that your sister’s life was not as perfect as she made it out to be, but you still felt sad for her and for Harry.

After dinner you all decided on watching a movie because Harry and Julie were going to go “get drinks”. They probably just needed to go somewhere private to yell at each other. Even after you headed to your bedroom after the movie, you waited up to see if you’d hear them come back or if Harry would try and talk to you. But before you knew it, you had fallen asleep.

Day Three:

You suddenly woke up from your sleep and felt in real time as your slumber started escaping you immediately. You sighed because it was just your luck that after having one really good night of sleep the insomnia would kick in. You were laying in bed for a few minutes scrolling through your Calm app in order to find some sort of relaxing sounds or even just do a meditation, but then you heard some foot steps and then the slight squeak of a door down the hall before you heard it being shut very gently. After a few moments, your phone lit up with an incoming text from Harry asking if you were struggling to sleep to which you replied “Yes.” And moments later he was peeking into your room. You glanced over to him and offered a sympathetic look.

“Are you alright?” You whispered your question and he nodded as he quietly walked in.

“Just…sad, tired, angry…” he mumbled as he sat at the edge of your bed.

“We don’t have to talk about it now if you don’t want.” You reminded him.

“Thanks.” He hummed, “Wanna get my mind off of it.” He exhaled.

“Do you wanna watch TV or something?” You asked.

“Actually, I have a collection of memes that I wanted to share with you but wasn’t sure if it was appropriate to when you had asked for space and I’ve been saving them this whole time! I need to show you.” He said and you found yourself smiling from ear to ear. 

“I would love nothing more than for you to show me that treasure trove.” You assured him and he nearly squealed before he hurried out of the room to get his phone.

When Harry returned it was with the blanket from his new bedroom and he sat across from you, criss-cross style, and you mirrored his position as you waited eagerly for the memes. Image after image and clip after clip you were nonstop laughing and hyperventilating into a pillow. If there was one thing you appreciated about Harry the most, it was his sense of humor. You were both into very stupid humor about banal things. It often irritated your sister because you two would make jokes out of the most random things, everything had the potential to be unserious when you were around each other.

“Oh god…those were soooo good!” You laughed breathily. You were struggling to keep it quiet and Harry was very pleased with himself.

“I knew you’d appreciate them.” He smiled as he set his phone down on the bed. He suddenly noticed that you had gone quiet. So he looked over at you and saw you slightly smiling. “What is it?” He asked curiously and your gaze flickered up to his.

“Nothing, I just…I haven’t felt joy like that in a long time. It feels really great to laugh. Like really laugh. You know?” You asked and then glanced away when you realized how vulnerable you’d just been. You suddenly wanted to throw up.

“Hey…” he said as he gently squeezed your knee and you glanced up to him again, “I do know.” He affirmed sincerely before pulling his hand away. When he pulled his hand back you missed the warmth of it.

“Why don’t you leave her?” You asked him of your sister.

“I’m scared.” He said simply and you nodded in understanding.

“What happened with…?” Harry trailed off before speaking your exe’s name.

“Just came in one day saying they had doubts and were feeling unready to take the next step and that was that.” You shrugged.

“I’m sorry.” He frowned.

“I’m not…like it’s been really hard but I’d rather this than for them to feel obligated to go through with it and then we’re both miserable until someone has the guts to do something about it.” You explained and then frowned, “Sorry, I didn’t mean that as a dig at you. I think that realistically I would cling to whatever I could…it’s my fear that makes me pretend that I’m callous.” You explained.

“Wow…Therapy is working wonders for you.” he said with a grin and you rolled your eyes.

“Shut the fuck up…”

“I’m not saying it to tease you! I’m happy that you’re getting to know yourself! And to know your worth and your vulnerabilities. It’s admirable.” He said and you smiled softly. 

“Thanks.” You hummed and he nodded. “Are you in therapy?”

“No. We did counseling together for a bit, Jules and I. But it didn’t really help. She was too busy with work to do the therapeutic work.” He explained and you hummed in understanding. “I’m really glad you decided to come for this.” Harry added after a few moments of silence between you two. 

“Well, thanks. I’m not regretting it yet…” you said with a soft smile.

“A win is a win.” He chuckled and you nodded.

“Exactly.” You hummed.

“Well, I’m going to try and let you sleep. If you need anything ummm, I’m going to be staying in the next room over.”

“For the rest of the time?” You asked and he nodded.

“It’s that bad.” He explained lowly and you nodded in understanding.

“Well, I’m really sorry that everything’s going to shit right now.”

“Thank you. And thanks for holding space for me or whatever they say.” He smiled as he clambered off of your bed, “At least we don’t have to deal with this alone.” 

“Right.” You smiled.

“Get some sleep. We have plans tomorrow.” He said and you groaned and let yourself fall against your pillows. You heard Harry snigger a bit as your door closed quietly.

Day Four:

Despite Harry’s warning to get some rest and your efforts to do just that, you’d had maybe another hour, if that, after he’d gone. At 8am sharp you heard movement in the kitchen and then some knocks at your door.

“Yeah?” You called out and the door creaked open and you saw your mom peek in.

“Hi, hijita. We have plans for today, will you join us?” She asked and you nodded.

“Yeah, I’m gonna go.” You assured her and she smiled.

“Bien. We’re leaving at 9:30.” She informed and you nodded in understanding before she left. 

After lazing around for a few more minutes you took a quick body shower before getting on some light make up. You got dressed and then headed out to get something to eat with everyone. You greeted your dad and aunt as they helped your mom with breakfast. You were making small talk with them as you moved around them to prepare yourself a cup of coffee.

“Harry! Good morning!” Your aunt exclaimed energetically and you glanced back to see Harry coming in through the sliding doors.

“Morning, everyone!” He greeted with a smile. He was portraying high energy but he still looked tired.  His eyes then met yours and lingered for a moment before you got a little nervous and turned back around to finish making your coffee.

“Julie is awake, right?” Your dad asked and Harry nodded.

“Yeah, but actually, she said she’s feeling bad again and is going to stay behind and rest.” He explained.

“By herself?” Your aunt asked and Harry shrugged.

“I told her I’d stay but she insisted we all go. I think she just needs some alone time.” He explained. “But I think she’d appreciate if we check on her before we go.” He said and your mom nodded.

Sure enough, even when your mother had gone over to check on her, Julie declined going on the planned family outing and declined your mom staying to look after her since she was the one who had planned these excursions. So your aunt offered to stay with Julie because was afraid of heights and didn’t want to go on the tram and expressed that she also had no interest in the zoo, unsurprisingly, your sister accepted. So once that was settled the rest of you packed into your parents’ car. You buckled up and then glanced over to Harry who offered a half-smile to you before pulling out his phone. Moments later your phone buzzed and you saw it was a text from him.

Harry: The guy your sister is seeing came here yesterday to meet her.

You glanced over to him with a frown and he smiled slightly.

Y/N: Is that why she stayed behind?

Harry: Yeah. I think she was hoping to get some alone time to see him. She “didn’t know he was going to drive out”. I think that’s who she was talking to when you saw her on the phone.

Y/N: Fuck. Well, lets just have fun today. I’m sure we’ll be able to get our minds off of things!

Harry: I think so too:)

The zoo had been pretty cool. Your mom had been dying to feed the giraffes so when your reservation time came up she was the first one to approach the animals. In truth, it was a very awesome experience. It was certainly something you never thought you’d do in your life, but you were so happy that you experienced it. After a stop for lunch you guys were on your way to the aerial tramway. You were looking forward to seeing the valley from up there. The drive up was beautiful and soon enough you were getting on the bus that would take you to the tram. 

“Wow…” you whispered to yourself in awe as you slowly went past the tree line and saw the crazy formations of rocks littering the mountainside. Your mom and dad were cozied up beside each other on the other side of the tram. The slow rotation of the inside floor allowed you to see all of your surroundings. But then your attention veered from the scenery as Harry’s familiar scent invaded your personal space. You glanced to your side and there he was, standing right beside you. He looked a little apprehensive.

“Sorry for the proximity. Heights make me a little nervous and I get a little vertigo if I look down. I wasn’t about to go brush up against either of your parents for comfort, you know?” He explained lowly and you giggled.

“Yeah, I get that.” 

“Thanks.” He hummed as he scooted just a bit closer. Close enough that his arm was brushing against yours. “You seem to be enjoying this.”

“I am.” You smiled.

“You don’t worry that the cable might snap or something and we all just… you know?” He asked and you turned to him with a furrowed brow.

“Jesus…that’s fucking dark…” You scoffed through a laugh and he chuckled a bit.

“It’s a real anxious thought I have!” He defended.

“I’m not judging. Believe me, I know about dark.” You said as the smile faded from your lips.

“I didn’t mean to dampen the mood.” He said when he felt your mood shift.

“It’s alright, it wasn’t you. It was my brain. It’ll pass.” You assured him with a small smile. 

You saw Harry reach for the handrail and squeeze around it and glance up to see him squeeze his eyes closed for a moment.

“You alright?” You asked and he nodded.

“Yeah, I just ummm looked down for a second there.” He explained and then opened his eyes again. “I just wanted to see the view, it is breathtaking.” He said as he just kept his eye line level as he glanced around. 

“It is. But I’m sure it doesn’t help that this thing is rotating.” You said and he groaned.

“Don’t remind me.” He mumbled through a smile.

“Well, we’re almost to the top.” You reassured him.

“Thank fuck.” He hummed lowly. “Your mom picked a good time, we’re gonna get to see the sunset from the top.” He said.

“Do you wish my sister were here?” You asked and he shrugged.

“Yes and no.” he said, “Yes, because I’d have someone’s hand to hold on this tram. And no, because I know she’d rather be here with someone else.” He said and you frowned. It was instinctive when you reached out and placed your hand over his on the rail. You gave him a reassuring squeeze before letting go and sliding it back in front of your own body. Your grip tightened as a nervous feeling made your stomach feel like it was swirling.

“Sorry.” You said quickly as your eyes met his.

“Don’t be.” He assured you and moments later you felt the warmth of his hand right beside yours as he closed the gap on the railing between your hands. You glanced down at the sides of your hands pressed together and then up at him. His eyes were already prepared to meet your gaze and when they did, you felt that swirling in your tummy again. Those butterflies starting to stir awake. “I know you’re just trying to make me feel better.” He assured and you nodded and quickly looked away.

Were you? In a way, yes, you wanted to comfort him because he too was going through a hardship. But at the same time you felt nervous about it. You couldn’t say that you didn’t find Harry attractive or charming. You were afraid that you were suddenly noticing this more than usual because of your current romantic turmoil. His immediate instinct to check in on you, to notice and care about your feelings. To be vulnerable with you and provide you the safety to be able to do the same. And then what you walked in on, on that first day at the house…that was definitely a contributing factor to why you were suddenly more aware of him as a person. As a man…

You were more than grateful when the tram ride came to an end just seconds later. You quickly got out and he followed behind you until you went up to the edge of the observation deck, that was just a little too out of his comfort zone so he hung back. You put your hands on the railing and just took a slow but shaky inhale. It was significantly colder at this peak of the mountain so it kind of burned your throat to breathe that deeply but that sobered up your mind that was all fuzzy from Harry’s scent and words and existence in general. Your heard your mother approaching with your dad following behind, telling her to slow down.

“Are you okay?” She asked you as she came up beside you and you nodded and smiled.

“Yeah, I was just admiring the view. It’s incredible. Thank you for planning this.” You said to her with a smile before turning back to see the valley before you. You then went into the museum and ate away at your time there with photos and the gift shop until it was nearing dinner time.

The sun was setting beautifully and you just needed to get back to the viewing deck and take it all in. Despite the overarching theme of tragedy in your life for the last several months, in that very moment you realized how insignificant you and your problems were in the grand scheme of things. Things could be much worse. You had what you needed; your life, your health, your family and friends. After getting a few pictures taken with your parents by Harry from a comfortable distance you were all heading inside to the restaurant  for your dinner reservation. 

You were doing what you could to avoid having to focus too much of your attention on Harry but it was difficult. He was practically spellbinding. He was charming and funny and a gesticulative story teller so it was hard to not engage with him. But every time you looked in his eyes there they were again, those pesky little butterflies, some good and other not so good. They were a reminder that despite the excitement of being with someone that you got along with after so much time alone, you weren’t ready. The proof was in the fact that you were fighting off a crush on your brother in law! How much more twisted and pathetic could a person be? You were on your second cocktail by the time the appetizer showed up and your lack of appetite throughout the day was starting to pay off. You had gotten to the point where your lips felt tingly and your worries were soon to float away. 

Making eye contact with Harry wasn’t as scary any more. Because it was just the four of you, you could get away with constantly looking at each other. You weren’t even being flirtatious about it, you were just admiring him. You admired how good he was at masking everything. All of the hurt he was in. All of the anger and disappointment that you knew were weighing over him like a ton of bricks. 

Your phone chiming loudly from your purse broke you out of your spell of admiration. And then it went off again. And again. And again. And again. Your family and the patrons at the neighboring tables all honed in on you as you frantically reached for your purse while giving apologetic glances to the strangers. 

“Sorry.” You muttered to your family with a smile. You had a strict “no phones allowed” rule when eating out together. You had every intention of just putting it on silent and just checking the texts later, you were just really enjoying yourself! But when you saw your ex’s name on the screen, the rose tinted haze that you’d been seeing things with for the past fifteen minutes instantly vanished. Your stomach did a nasty flip that had you wishing you’d slowed down. You needed to open your phone to see what he said, not being able to see it had your anxiety through the roof. Then your phone pinged again with a sixth message and you just stood up and hurried out to the viewing deck. 

*** Harry’s POV ***

Harry could not stop thinking about you. Admittedly, the thoughts had started when he saw your profile on a dating app. Not on his phone, on a friend’s phone, he recognized her from his and Julie’s wedding party and had asked if it really was her. He looked through it and was smiling by the end of it. If he ever ran into your ex he would kick their ass for leaving you hanging like that. He had truly hoped that you would come for Christmas and was so happy that you had in fact shown up.

You were gorgeous, you’d always been. And maybe it was because of his emotional distance from Julie over the last several months that he just decided to lean into the attraction he felt towards you. Admittedly, it was stupid of him to have a wank without fully closing the bathroom door but he couldn’t help but be a little thrilled that you had crashed it. To him it felt like this little secret you shared now had you on a new level of comfort and trust. 

Today, when you touched his hand on the tram he felt that long forgotten zap of excitement electrifying him. Julie wanted nothing to do with him, she was in love with another man for their entire relationship, so he didn’t feel too bad of indulging in a little betrayal himself. He could see that you viewed him in another way too but you were fighting it. He saw how it scared you and quite frankly, it scared him too. But feeling the things and actually doing something about the feelings were two very different things. In this situation there was a double safety. His flirting was safe because he wouldn’t do more than that and your acceptance of his minor flirtations was also safe because he knew that you wouldn’t act on it. Once you were a little more loose from your drinks your fear eluded you and he was very much enjoying that and then your phone interrupted everything. It had been nearly ten minutes since you’d left with your phone and he and your parents were feeling a little worried. The food would come any minute.

“I think it’s time I go check on her. Make sure she’s okay.” Harry said. Your dad nodded and he rushed out onto the viewing deck. He looked around and then heard your voice from somewhere. He glanced up and saw that there was another level. He hurried up and then heard you speaking angrily into your phone before hanging up. You were standing right up against the railing, it was freezing outside so there wasn’t anyone up there with you. He quietly made his way over but the closer he got to the railing the harder his heart would pound. He hesitated but the sound of you sobbing gave him the courage to walk the rest of the distance to you. 

*** Y/N’s POV ***

“How fucking dare you!? You can’t just call me and tell me that after everything I endured! You don’t deserve me.” You seethed as hot tears ran down your face. You were practically trembling from how angry you felt. “Fuck you, Ash! Never, ever fucking call me again! Bye!” You shouted before hanging up and blocking the number. Your chest was heaving from how hard you were breathing. And when the adrenaline wore off you felt so fucking heavy and just started to sob quietly at first, but soon it just came out of you. You were afraid that maybe you’d made a huge mistake, maybe reconciliation was possible…and just when you were about to unblock Ash’s number…

“Y/N?” Harry called and you gasped as you whipped around quickly. Your fright dispersed when you saw his familiar frame approaching.

“It was Ash.” You explained as he stopped before you. “Just drunk and trying to get me back after all this time…The fucking gall to ask if we can start over!” you exclaimed angrily through your tears. Your head was shaking in disbelief.

“Jesus.” He sighed and you sniffled and nodded. 

“Right? Like what the fuck?!” You scoffed and then exhaled sharply. He saw you shivering and pulled off his jacket to drape over you. “You don’t have to. It’s freezing up here.” You assured him.

“I’m alright.” He reassured you. “C’mere.” He instructed and he opened his arms for you. You easily stepped forward into his space to allow him to hug you, “Fuck that loser. Doesn’t deserve you.” He comforted you.

“I know.” You said quietly as you allowed your head to lay against his chest.

“Good.” He said supportively as he slowly rubbed over your back. When he looked up he realized that he was on the ledge of of the viewing deck and the view was completely breathtaking. It was even more magical now that the sun was nearly gone. The lights from the cities in the valley were shimmering enticingly in the distance. “Look how beautiful that is.” He said to you and you moved your head to look ahead of you and hummed. “Makes me wish I could fly.” He said lowly and you smiled.

“It really does…” you agreed. “I’m surprised you came up to the edge.” You added teasingly. He smiled and squeezed you just a bit.

“I needed to make sure you were okay.” He explained softly and you slowly pulled away.

“Thank you.” You expressed as you glanced up at him.

“Of course.” He smiled at you.

“It’s just… hard to talk about all of this with my family because they start to interject and give their opinions on what could’ve been done better and ugh…sometimes people are just shitty, you know? Regardless of what you do, nothing will change that!” You huffed in exasperation. Just thinking about the typical responses they would give you had you feeling a little heated. “Anyway…” you mumbled with a slightly flustered smile from your little outburst, but Harry was just smirking at you. It made your heart start pounding harder as you held the eye contact between you two for a few seconds. “We should get back inside.” 

“Yeah, the food was just about to come.” He informed and you nodded and followed him back into the building.

The food and the company were both excellent. You were more than grateful that your parents didn’t try and question you about anything. You were huddled up against your parents for the tram ride down because it was freezing cold, though you really wanted to be huddled up against Harry. You knew that he’d allow it and that made you feel really pleased with yourself. The whole way back to the Airbnb you two were texting nonstop, exchanging glances every now and again, to the point where the tension was building. You weren’t even talking about anything inappropriate, it was just the energy of the quick closeness that had grown between you two. Upon arriving at the house Harry went and “checked on Julie”, which really was to shower and get ready for bed before heading to the main house to sleep. You expected to hear them argue or something but there was complete silence. 

You plopped onto the center of the bed and pulled out your phone to waste time on Instagram and saw that your sister had recently posted a story. When you clicked on it you saw three cocktails clinking, your aunt was tagged and you rolled your eyes in annoyance. Seconds later Harry texted you to tell you that she was gone and you told him to check instagram and didn’t hear back for a while until there were soft knocks on your door. By then you were cuddled up in bed, propped up on the pillows, and watching Home Alone on the TV. 

“Come in!” You spoke towards the door and when it creaked open you saw it was Harry.

“Would you mind some company?” He asked and you smiled.

“Absolutely not.” You assured and he hurried in, closing the door behind him before sliding into the empty side of the bed. As he was getting comfy he yelped when his foot accidentally touched yours.

“Jesus! So fucking cold!” He chuckled.

“Feel my hands.” You said as you reached over blindly because he was under the covers after all. Your hand found his and he gasped.

“Like a fucking corpse…” he grumbled and you chuckled and glanced at him briefly before turning back to the TV.  But soon your attention was drawn back to Harry as he brought your hand up to his mouth and gently blew his warm breath over your open palm and then clasped it between his hands. “Giving you some warmth.” He explained, “Is that okay?” He asked and you nodded silently. 

There it was again, that tension, building up some more. And like air in a balloon, it could only hold so much before it had to burst. His eyes glanced down to your mouth and you did the same to his. If he went for it right in this moment, you’d let him kiss you. Easily. You were covered in goosebumps from the anticipation. And then your eyes met again and you saw the conflict in them. That also made you hesitate and slowly, the burning in you started to fizzle. 

“Sorry. Ummm…”

“Don’t be. You’re right to doubt! This could be so fucking messy. It’s stupid to even…like, no! We’re fucking stupid for this, Harry.” You chuckled through your disbelief at what you were about to do.

“I know…but that doesn’t take away the desire to.” He said and you sighed.

“I know! But we need to fucking…find it because I don’t want to lose you.” You explained with a hint of desperation in your tone and an earnest look in your eyes. Harry didn’t want to lose you either, so he just nodded and turned his focus to the TV. Your hand was still in his, being kept warm as he’d said. And you did feel warm with him. So fucking warm…

“Thanks.” You whispered to him and he turned and smiled before focusing back on the TV.

Part Two...

[dreamer-grl]

Very unpopular opinion… I don’t think people should be putting fanfiction behind a paywall like Patreon… it’s giving the same vibes as Wattpad putting all those ads in their app and not being how it used to be… like don’t get me wrong I know why people do it. I will forever support a writer as a writer myself. However, fanfiction is supposed to be for fans. Like why restrict certain people from your craft because they can’t afford to support your work and others work monetarily.

[imthatpowerful]

that moment when you have a dream about hugging ur s/o 😖😖😖 (i MUST shift)

[sushirrrry]

CELESTIAL | I. LAW OF UNIVERSAL GRAVITATION 6.1k words - on-going story story summary here ** please be nice, this is the first on-going story I'll be posting!!

Tuesday mornings were nothing to brag about, especially when my statistics class started at eight in the morning. I’d gotten in the simple routine—wake up around six, roll out of bed, take a shower, eat some breakfast, and get on my way.

It was weird what our bodies did normally. The idea of routine, the idea of being simple. Creating routine was one of the easier things that I had been able to teach myself. It was scientific; learned behavior became natural to humans. Practice made perfect.

I always got ready that early and found time to myself before the sun fully rose in the sky. I didn't have a problem waking up early, I never had—maybe that’s what made it easier for me, though. I never bothered my mum about school, or never once tried to sleep-in because I didn’t want to go to school. Something about being up early was always comforting to me.

Well, being up early and being in school were both comforting to me in different ways.

Seeing the moon circle around the earth again was kind of freaking cool, if I was honest. My mum never had to worry about me staying up late and hiding under my covers with a book—well, she did have to worry about that a little bit— but mostly, she had to worry about me taking the telescope to the window so early in the morning.

The moment when the sun and the moon pass because the darkness is fading– everyone always talks about the sunrise, but what about the moon falling? I always liked seeing the change. It was when the night met the daylight, and the world turned over.

This morning wasn’t really like that at all, considering it had been chucking it down with rain since the moment I opened my eyes. The sound of rain woke me up early. I sat with the window open next to my bed, listening to the sounds of it pour off the roof of our apartment.

When six rolled around, I was ready to get up. I rubbed over my eyes, yawning. The glasses that sat on my nightstand were thrown on my face as I trekked to my own bathroom—thankfully, I didn’t have to share with my roommate.

I turned on the shower, letting it run for a minute to warm up. I shivered at the thought of the water hitting me instead. The warm water soothed me this early, breathing in the steam to release anything that had built up in the night. I let it run over my neck and face, feeling the warmth of the water wake me up.

The shower routine turned into brushing my teeth, towel drying my hair a bit, and doing my morning skin routine.

Once the shower was done, I chose a plain black sweatshirt with a hood and a pair of jeans, threw on my old pair of black Vans, and made my way out into the kitchen with my backpack.

All the lights were off still; Chase didn’t have class until around ten, so he was never up this early. He strategically chose to make sure that all his classes were later in the morning because he knew he’d never make them. I smiled to myself at the thought.

I threw a Pop-Tart in my bag and started to head out of the apartment, knowing that I’d have a bit of time to just eat on my way to class instead. Campus was only a short walk, but the rain was chucking it this morning and didn’t seem to be letting us even as I had gotten ready. I decided that I’d just hop in my car and head over to the building instead of walking a mile in the rain.

Parking on the street was the only option for our apartment building, so I hopped into my car and headed towards the main mathematics building on campus. As soon as I turned on the radio, I let the sounds of 1979 by The Smashing Pumpkins in the speakers as I relax against the seat. I push my hand through my damp hair, annoyed that there were a few rain spots on my glasses.

There are a lot more cars on the road around the flats and campus when the weather was bad. Kids always decided to get rides or drive to class themselves, which meant that parking was like receiving a trophy. There were only a few spots here and there.

But, because I was prompt and on time, I got a spot close to the door that I had to go into. I put the car in park, sitting for a moment before I went to grab the Pop-Tart from my bag. I opened it, taking a bite of one of them as I relaxed in the seat and let the sound of the radio mix with the sound of the rain.

It didn’t bother me that I hadn’t spoken to anyone yet that morning. Life was usually quiet. There were people who I knew needed to have that connection of someone else around them. I never understood that.

Silence and the solace seemed to comfort me in a way that wasn’t too explainable. I knew that people worried about it—people saw it as a sign of something worse than it was—it was odd to people who didn’t know how it felt. But I truly felt more comfort in the way that my routine worked, rather than the fast-paced environment of always needing to be around others.

I didn’t let myself down, usually. I had comfort in knowing I was dependable; I would always be there for me.

I was at my own pace; I had my own comfort in satisfaction rather than needing distraction. I was able to work on my own life and not worry about having to work on anyone else’s. There was certainly a difference between being alone and being lonely.

My mum worried I didn’t interact enough, my sister worried that I wasn’t thriving in the space like anyone else was—she liked to project herself onto me at times.

“When I was college, I was at the bars practically every night. You can afford to go every once in a while, you know.” She’d tell me. In some respects, I understood what she meant. There was validity to her concerns for me. And I was glad that she was able to experience what she wanted, and she was able to look back and feel that it made her a better person.

But that didn’t interest me in the slightest, and I think I had to respect that for myself.

I wouldn’t be able to wake up early if I drank too much; it would throw my routine off, and I wasn’t interested in losing that, either. I didn’t want to not know where I was, or how to do something. I didn’t want to lose control like that. The people that I hung around with to study—none of us were interested in that.

I was interested in receiving my degree, I was interested in the mathematic world—I was interested in everything that was built up around the world. I was interested in learning why everything happened and figuring out scenarios that felt impossible and making them work. I was interested in logic and satellite launches that I had to live stream from the space stations.

In school, I was the captain of the academic team and won gold with the national robotics team two years in a row.

Now, I was finally in the part of life where I had always dreamed of having—studying astrophysics and mathematics at Oxford. I was following in the footsteps of only the greatest mathematicians and physicists of my generation, and eventually my name would be just as notable as his.

Stephen Hawking and Harry Styles. I thought they sounded nice next together if I was honest.

I check my phone, noticing I have about fifteen minutes until class begins. I throw my hood over my head before I grab my backpack from the passenger seat. The rain is coming down when I step out in the parking lot. I quickly make my way to the door, holding it open for another person coming in behind me. The hood hangs from my head as I take my glasses off to wipe the residual rain droplets off them.

The lecture hall that I make my way inside is old. It’s not been updated in so many years, but something about that makes it feel that much more incredible to be walking the same halls of some of the most extraordinary brains to ever exist.

Even if it’s for a general ed statistics course that I need to fill; it’s one of the easiest courses on my schedule this year. I didn’t fill it first year, as I wanted to give myself the most difficult courses I could my first year. I was excited to learn—and statistics wasn’t what I wanted to enjoy when I was in college.

So, I decided to add it in this semester. It’s almost October now—we’re a few weeks into my sophomore year. I’ve loved every minute of being here in this establishment, and I’ve loved everything that it has brought me.

My gravitational pull to this place feels right, and being in this class must have meaning other than the obvious need to graduate. Maybe something will strike—maybe a thought or something that the professor says will undoubtedly make me think about all the other unanswered questions.

I take a seat closer to the back; I think it helps me to be able to set all my papers out in front of me and be able to take notes where I need to. I’m not a huge note person, as I just try to listen. I feel it helps to just keep my mind open. Information goes in, and seemingly, just stays there.

I’m one of the first ones in the hall, but as the time starts to near, there’s around a hundred kids that take up the lecture hall—easily. It’s a gen-ed course, which means that it’s kids from all over the university. The row I’m in is seemingly empty; kids don’t always show up to class, a lot of kids like sitting closer to be able to see what the professor is drawing on the board to try to copy for themselves.

I basically teach myself as I sit with the textbook, trying to follow along with the professor’s words and everything seemingly makes sense.

I pull my water bottle out of my bag to take a sip. The sound of the room in seemingly quiet except for the professor’s words; my brain is focused on the ideas of categorical equations and numeric sequences before an overwhelming presence takes over to the right of me.

“Excuse me,” I hear the voice again, a bit closer to me, “Is this seat taken?” I hear as I stare at the front of the room. I turn my head to the side a bit in a little confusion.

She's standing there with absolutely dripping hair; her jacket is sand-colored but looks like it’s coated in water droplets. She has the most doe-eyed stare I'd ever laid my own on; her eyes are chocolate and amber at the same time and for some reason I don’t know why I can’t answer right away.

I’m not even recognizing that I’m staring until I can't let my eyes leave, and I watch her shift on her toes a bit impatiently before she looks at the students behind us.

“Oh– no, no it's open.” My voice is quiet, as the professor is talking only up ahead. I'm trying to pay attention to both, trying my best to be respectful to the professor and the girl next to me who’s trying to find a seat even though it’s almost halfway through the lecture.

I move my backpack from the seat that she goes to pull out, my hands place the backpack under the desk near my feet instead. My eyes try not to drift, but I can't help but watch as she starts to unpack her belongings. There's a notebook, which is undeniably wet, and a small textbook which we use for the class.

Also, soaking. Dripping, practically.

“Fuck,” She curses, her hands going to run through the dripping pages before she lets her backpack fall to the floor in a huff.

I can tell that her stress level is at a high, all her belongings are soaking wet from what looks to be walking to class in the rain. I’m watching as she fumbles her way around her bag, trying her best to wipe some of the water off, trying to salvage what’s left.

But it’s obvious that most of her belongings have been ruined from the rain.

“Do you need paper?” I ask her, my quiet voice possibly too quiet as she starts to search through her bag without acknowledging me.

She didn’t hear me. I adjust in my seat a little bit, maybe seeing if she would look over from just my movements. She was distracted from trying to piece herself back together, and I could tell that her brain wasn’t in the place to hear anything else.

I clear my throat, turning a bit towards her again so maybe my voice would be heard. “Sorry, do you need some paper?”

Her head jerks towards me, almost a bit in shock like she was surprised I was talking to her at all. I watch as her face goes from an anxious state to a more softened one when she sees that she's also startled me in the process.

“Oh,” She nods a few times. “Yes, please. If you don’t mind.”

I opened my folder up, pulling a few blank pages out to hand to her. I see that her nails are chipped lilac when she goes to grab them.

The paper was gifted to me every year from my grandfather who was the one providing me the opportunity to go to college in the first place. Well, providing the funding for this adventure, at least.

So, in true Styles fashion, the small H.S. imprinted on the top with a simple logo of Saturn sat next to it. It was an official letterhead, and it was the only loose paper I had with me.

For a moment, I thought about forgetting the whole thing because in honesty, this was a bit embarrassing– but my brain and my actions didn't catch up as I handed her a few sheets and watched her eyes trace over it.

I can tell a hint of a smile when she sees the writing up on it at the top, her pen clicking in the process. In our lecture hall, there are over a hundred kids sitting and listening about chi-squares tests and the uses of categorical variables.

And I seemed to miss a bit of the conversations due to lack of concentration, a bit of distraction. That never really happened to me before, but this overwhelming scent of orange blossoms must have been trailing from her. An obvious distraction, but not one that I thought I would be caught up in.

I push my glasses on my face as I go to write down a specific note that was mentioned by the professor about possibly being on the test for tomorrow. I had caught that bit, thankfully.

The girl next to me sighs; the audible noise of annoyance is obvious when I look over at her. Her eyebrows are knit together as she pulls out her agenda, making more noise that just seems to be audible to me as we’re a few of the only ones in our row of seats.

When she notices that the notes of her calendar are also damp, she settles back in her chair for a minute.

“God fucking damnit.” She huffs. She takes a ribbon around her wrist. Pulling her hair back frantically into a taut ponytail, she holds her head in her hands, staring at the dampened notebook. “Could this day get worse? We have an exam tomorrow?”

I hear her words, and I'm not sure that she's talking to me or if she’s just speaking out into the universe. So, I stay quiet for a moment before I look up and feel that her head has turned to me. She was addressing me again, so I turn to see the amber eyes pleading at me as if I was the one who set the test schedules.

“I’m– uh, we really have a exam tomorrow?” She asks again; this time, I see she's looking at me with a worried glare.

“Yeah, uh,” I flip through a few papers to grab the printed-out syllabus to show her. I clear my throat, trying to stay quiet. “It's just going to be on basic inferential and standard deviation, I think. Maybe a bit of categorical stuff, we just learned that on Tuesday, but I'm going to confirm with the professor after class. Not hard stuff, so we should be good.”

I watch as she looks away from me for a moment, “I just…yeah, I don't know. Statistics and I aren't really friends, I guess. I don't understand it at all, and I already feel like I’m behind. It's only the third week– fuck.”

She sounds stressed, and I feel bad. I don't know what to say to her, because I'm still not entirely sure if she's talking to me or if she's taking to herself. I just know that I'm listening and I'm struggling between involving myself and leaving it be.

“Thank you all. Let me know if you have questions, I will see you tomorrow for the exam.”

The professor’s words made everyone start to stand up, grabbing their materials to leave. Her eyes look around the room in the same amount of panic.

“Shit– lecture is already over?” She says, checking her phone time. The way that her shoulders shrug down is so dismissive as she looks around at the kids starting to move up the aisles and towards the door.

“It’s only a fifty-minute lecture,” I tell her softly, trying to not make her any more upset. “Do you—” I take in a breath, wondering if I’m starting to intrude on her life and what she’s needing, but I still feel like I have the obligation to ask, “I mean, do you have some questions about the test tomorrow?”

I see her looking over some of the notes—some of the papers that weren’t completely drenched by the rain that I can tell that she raced through to be here. Her eyes fall down the messiness of the handwriting. I can tell that there were many times she messed up, or times she didn’t completely understand something and wrote in the margins. There’s ink everywhere, I don’t know how she stays organized or knows what she’s looking at.

The scratches over things are plentiful, and I relax in my seat rather than starting to get up like everyone else.

Maybe she doesn’t even know where to begin. It’s our first exam in this class, but I’m not worried about it in the slightest bit. I’ve passed through Calculus and Algebra, and since this is just a required class for graduation, I know that I don’t have to worry.

She starts to shake her head as she looks flustered, throwing her papers back into a folder with finality.

“I’m not trying to hold you up, you probably need to get somewhere—I'll just, um, I’m sorry.” She shakes her head, zipping up her backpack quickly.

She’s trying her best to get away, and I can see that she’s possibly a bit embarrassed by how quickly she came in. How she wasn’t just late to class, but she also didn’t seem to have any idea about what was going on in the first place.

It seemed that maybe she had something else on her mind, and I don’t thinks he can be faulted for that.

“No,” I shake my head, standing up with my backpack to mimic her. It hangs from my shoulder on one side, pulling it up a bit as I watch the lecture hall clearing out quite quickly. “No, I’m not in a hurry. I mean—”

“Just—thanks for the paper. That was nice of you.” The girl gives a soft smile, the softest smile that her face can seem to manage as I notice that she seems to be a bit upset. Her back turns to me and I’m now left standing there with no one else now.

I look around for a moment, thinking about what I was doing before my life was interpreted in a way. My life is always so ruled by the way that I wanted to live it—I was not easily distracted, my mind never really went to places that felt fuzzy or uneven.

But something about that interaction left me a bit speechless. I don’t even know her name, but something about that made my brain feel a little bit blurry.

There’s another person down with Professor Turvel, asking questions about the exam for tomorrow, I was certain. I knew that I needed to go down there—to make myself known and question the best ways to solve the problems, to understand what needed to be studied the most. Most people didn’t take these kinds of classes seriously, but anything that had to do with my education was serious to me.

I always asked questions—every time there was a exam, I made sure I had all the notes to understand concepts and what would exactly be on the exam so I could stay up and ensure that I knew the concepts like the back of my hand. Sometimes, the professors even assured me that I would know all the material, and not to worry so much. That didn’t keep me from asking.

As I watched the girl moving to leave the lecture hall, opening the door herself because someone hadn’t held it open for her. An instinct rose in me that was so foreign that I hadn’t understood it before.

I didn’t know why I decided to follow her instead. But my feet drug me up the steps and towards the door that would lead out into the halls, where kids were now scattered. Her backpack was purple, a dark purple with small white polka-dots. It should have been a bit easier to find, but I just held my stance at the door, turning my head to see if I could find her.

I’d know her if I saw her, she was distinctive, striking, even. Her dark hair and eyes shone against the warm tones of her skin. When she came in, it was a curly mess—dark curls, practical ringlets.

I held onto the shoulder strap of my bag, watching as kids were moving out of the corridors to head out to their next classes and outside. It seemed that she must’ve slipped out, gotten away from me when I had been looking for her.

Letting out a sigh, I lick over my lips softly. My shoulders let go—I try to push the thoughts out of my mind. Instead, it was time for me to start to prepare for my next class of the day. I had a physics class just upstairs, but I would show up prematurely to prepare and write all my calculations on the board for the lab portion of it.

It was best to be early so I could collaborate with fellow students, and it was even encouraged to allow for that time. I pull my backpack fully onto my back, both straps on my shoulders as I start to head towards the stairs to the lecture halls that were situated upstairs. They were smaller, for the specified classes.

I pulled my backpack around my middle for a moment to grab the headphones that I had placed in the small pocket in the front for my short walk. When I go to insert the headphones into my ears, I do a double take because I’m not sure that I believe my eyes as they seem to possibly trick me.

Over by the large doors. Purple with white polka-dots. The phone against her ear is being held up unwillingly; she doesn’t look like she’s invested in the conversation, but mostly upset by it.

I watch as she shakes her head, her mouth stern as she speaks into the receiver. Instantly, she takes the phone away and shakes her head before placing her thumb to end the call.

I couldn’t make out what she’s saying because we’re still too far apart. I don’t want to make it seem like I’m staring, or that I’m listening in at all. My feet guide me towards the general area, as the door to the stairs is just around the corner from where she’s standing.

She’s standing there with her arms crossed, looking out of the door as if she’s waiting for someone. It looks a bit impatient; she’s just as upset as she was back in the lecture hall, and maybe now even more so.

I don’t know what it means, but it seems that she’s a bit off and I just can’t let it go. I don’t know what’s gotten into me this morning, but my feet seem to only… pull me closer. I’d have to debate Newton’s laws of gravitational pull, because the Earth’s axis seemed to be tilting just a bit.

Wherever she seemed to be is where gravity was pulling. And nothing about that made sense in the logical world, so my brain was a bit scattered about how that could have even been a possibility.

In an anxious turn of my shoe, I head towards her. I pivot from walking towards the steps and decide that a soft approach towards her is an option that I’m willing to take.

“Um, I’m sorry—I’m not trying to interrupt,” I approached her, softly. As one would a wounded animal, like she might get scared if I spoke loud enough. Her head turns towards me, her fingers move up against her cheek as she tries to look more pulled together, like she was unraveling quickly.

I notice that there’s a tear stain on her cheek, but she did her best to clear it away. Something about that doesn’t sit right with me and I clear my throat as I try to not embarrass her by noticing.

When she doesn’t speak, I just shake my head a little, trying to make sense of what’s come over me.

“I—I mean, are you okay? You,” I push my glasses up on my nose, “Are you waiting for someone?"

Crossing her arms over her chest, she takes in a deep breath. I watch the sleekness of her hair back in the ponytail cross over her shoulder when she stares at the ground.

I’ve always been partial to understanding when people were upset. I didn’t know what it was. My mum always told me I was just sensitive, my sister telling me that I probably watched too much Bambi as a kid.

Something about watching someone suffer endlessly, without another word, hit home. I didn’t want her to feel like she was alone, if she didn’t want to be. That was the difference—I wanted to be alone most of the time, so I didn’t mind. But that didn’t mean that she did. Maybe she wasn’t—maybe I was overstepping. As I overthought it, I shifted on my feet as she stood in a solitude of silence from the corridors of the university filtering out for the next sessions.

But it just felt like my heart was understanding right now.

“I’ve just had a... difficult morning, really,” She starts, shrugging. The problems are brushing off her shoulders when she looks up at me once again. I see that the sadness reigns in her eyes, but it’s being shielded by the layers of needing to show that everything was fine. “I’m okay. Seriously. I know this probably looks insane but trust me. I’m fine.”

There wasn’t anything I could do but trust that she was. I didn’t know her—I didn’t even know her name. I didn’t know anything else about her, and while I could notice that there were still tears welled up in her eyes, the smile had been the greatest mask of it all.

I nod at her, taking the moment to try to understand if that’s the cue to leave. When she starts to turn around just a bit, I settle with the idea that the conversation has ended. It’s ended, and it’s time for me to move back towards the stairs.

My brain recomputes that I have physics in about twenty minutes, and I’m going to go upstairs to dispute Hawking’s radiation theory of black holes. That’s where the gravitational pull is taking me next—it has to be.

As I go to place the earbud back into my ear, making a few steps towards the door that held the stairs, I hear the voice again.

“Hey,” Her voice rings out just a bit, as we’re now the only two in the corridor of the hallways. I turn my head back, our eyes reconnecting. Her eyes blink a few times as she lets out a sigh, which almost makes her look like she could break down at any moment, but I hold my breath. It looks like she had been holding in that breath for a while, so her shoulders drop to meet mine. “Do you—what if I did have questions about the exam tomorrow?”

I don’t know if words come out of my mouth in an answer, so I’m trying to compute what she said. Unfortunately, I think that she notices so she presses on.

“Like, could you help me study?” She asks, pressing on. “You said it was easy—I just, I need some extra help because I—I just have a lot going on.”

I pause in my tracks, not anticipating her questions or flat-out asking for my help.

“Oh.” I swallow dryly, as she stares at me with the slightest bit of eagerness for my answer I hadn’t noticed that in her eyes before, and I’m not sure that I’m used to it. I’m not sure that I’m prepared for how… she looks with hope coating her eyes. “Oh—yeah, I mean, I’ll be in the library tonight around six if you want to, like if you want to come study or something.” I shrug, “I can help you.”

I watch as a hint of a smile starts to turn at the edges of her lips. She holds the crossing on her arms over her chest tightly, as if to feel an odd sense of comfort from it.

“Can I meet you there tonight, then? You won’t mind?” She asks, her voice a bit unsure. It’s like I’d say no, even though I was the one who offered in the first place.

I’m still taken aback by the response of her wanting to meet me there at all. Thursday nights usually meant that the library was the quietest day in the week. Most people went out on Thursday’s around here to start their weekend—it was apparently the best bar deals, but I hadn’t taken advantage of that.

It was the best day to be in the library, just because of that.

“Yes. Yeah, of course, you can—” I pause for a moment, blinking a few times as I stick my hand out to her recognizing how I hadn’t even introduced myself to her yet, “Sorry—I’m Harry.”

Her eyes widen just a bit at my words before she starts to giggle a bit, her hand fitting into mine. My molars bite the inside of my cheek just at the grip, the softness of her hand in my palm has me distracted for a moment.

“Stella.”

Stella.

Stella. Stella. Stella. Stella.

“Star.” I say, a bit under my breath. She tilts her head a little bit at my whisper before I shake my head with a little bit of a laugh. I feel embarrassed that I spoke out loud and she heard, so I just try to explain the thought process with a simple shrug.

“It’s, your name, it’s ‘star’ in Latin,” I pull on the strap of my bag before I’m biting on my lip a little bit, “It’s a nice name.”

I watch as Stella’s face has started to turn into more of an arraigned softness; her features not as harsh, her brow isn’t knit.

“Sorry, I don’t know the origin of Harry.” Her chuckle is playful as she shakes her head.

“It, uh,” I rub the back of my neck as I feel an odd hint of embarrassment play on my cheeks, “Means ‘home’. Or something like that.”

As I watch her face, I study it as best as I can without seemingly staring, I watch her eyes move between mine.

I look away when I notice that she hasn’t—she’s still looking for a moment longer. I clear my throat to try to break up the instant staring game that we’ve started. I check my phone in an awkward angle to get out of the moment that has seemingly turned quiet, when I recognize how long I’ve been standing here.

9:26.

“Shoot,” I say quickly, “I have class in a few minutes. I’ll—”

She cuts me off as I adjust my bag on my shoulder, hoisting it up.

“Oh, fuck—I’m going to be late.” She checks her own phone to confirm the time for herself before the smile catches on her face, “I’ll see you tonight, Harry.” Stella confirms, nodding a few times.

Before I know it, I watch as she walks behind me and towards the other door on the other side of the hallway. I didn’t even get a chance to ask for her phone number—knowing I’d stumble my way through that sentence.

Not really a sentence I’ve ever really asked casually before.

It was odd—that feeling in my brain. The feeling of blurriness, almost like nothing had been in there at all. It was like every thought I’d had was placed into a certain box now, unable to think of anything else except for the way that Stella’s eyes were merely amber and bronze all at the same time.

I shook my head, thinking that the physical movement may take my attention back to what I was supposed to keep my eye on. I put my headphones back in, moving towards the stairs as I climb them quickly.

I wouldn’t have enough time to write all my worked equations on the board. But, for the first time in my entire life, there was a feeling of ease that happened to replace the anxious voices that mirrored in my head. There was confusion; one unexplained.

Having to be smart enough.

Having to be good enough.

Having to be enough.

Logically, this didn’t make sense—this feeling of satisfaction that rested in my chest and head. It was like an overcome sense of relief.

Maybe Hawking had a theory to explain this feeling that had completely dismissed my thoughts and worries— it had complete trampled it, made me unaware of the worry that I may be late to class, or that I may not be prepared. Maybe it had already been explained and logic had nothing to do with it.

I shook my head at the thought, entering the familiarity of the physics lab. The third table to the right was where I placed all my belongings in the same routine that I had made for weeks.

This time, just another atom of a thought processes through my brain and into my cerebrum—allowing the thoughts to muster and to sit as I thought about what I would be doing for the next eight hours.

The library never made me feel lonely, and for once, I wouldn’t be alone.

And today, I was okay with that.

________________

THANK YOU FOR READING THE FIRST CHAPTER OF THIS <3 please please please let me know what you think!!! I'm excited to share this with a new audience, so please be nice!!

[mggrrie]

✎ alice, 25, virgo

✎ criminal minds, law and order svu, british soaps, harry styles, barcelona fc, cats and horror

[lizzygrantisaliveandbreathing]

Naomi Campbell on an airplane.

[btu-kindness]

We love you, Liam 🖤❤️

[recoveringdirectioner]

3 cups of coffee before my indeterminately long off-hours shift and i’m feeling like this

[beseeingyouinmydreams]

Are any of you out in tumblr land familiar with Petitions/starting/running them? Esp in relation to News/ Media Outlets?

How has our news system gotten to a place of no accountability, no human decency or respect?

Are there petitions/laws being worked on currently to restructure /reform our media systems?

[aiimeee2]

I feel so sorry for my future boyfriend because he’ll never be Cillian Murphy, young Johnny Depp, Hugh Jackman, Jude Law, Harry Styles, Sam Claflin or any fictional man I’ve read about.

[esotericesther]

welcome to my blog !!

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*

my name is esther! i am completely new to tumblr but my tiktok is @shifteranium.

i am fourteen years old and will mostly post about shifting, law of attraction, manifestation, my drs, and more!

i love gilmore girls, harry potter, and autumn!!

🍁🍂🎸

i am always listening to music and watching films.

i love nirvana, the smiths, hole, and the smashing pumpkins!!

⬆️and lana del rey, obvs

anyway please follow and i will try to post often!!

[sanjiswetcigarettes0]

Acelaw people! I’m here to offer you my first and not so great acelaw Headcanon writing! Please accept my poor attempt on this 🙏🏻

To Be So Lonely

word count 1.530

If we think of acelaw where everything is real between them,

Law Trafalgar was a tough, quiet man and was someone who tried not to be involved in other things, trying to keep himself on the road he barely managed to put in a order his whole life, all he did is do his work as a surgeon and rescue other people’s life in the hospital. (Do not question his survival guilt.) The sea he had in his mind was always wild, and all he needed to do was to stay quiet until it quiet down too.

He kept himself alive with his coffees and his little crew most of the time, with his friends who sometimes came to his house to bringing some self made food and putting him to his untouched bed after their jobs end. He liked his life like this, and he knew the way his life wasn’t as healthy as his job expected him to be, but be assured, he liked it this way.

Trafalgar Law, who was “too busy for other people or any relationship”, (he kept saying that ) always would come home alone with his regular take-outs and coffee to greet his cats with a warm smile , would kneel to pet their heads and get his daily energy boost at 8:20 p.m from their purrs and meows. It has been like this since he graduated to become a surgeon as he promised himself as a kid, didn’t allowed people in his life, ( he hadn’t any clue how the crew became family to him in that time where he just met those people in uni and had some drink with them at his house, ) and why would it be different? He was fine with his awfully quiet life and night shifts.

But now, in the other hand, he was feeling quiet irritated with the fact that his cats were purring (for real now?) and wandering around a man’s feet he never met before; right now: on a Saturday morning where had a day off and could grind his coffee own and wake up late, he opened his front house door to find a man who was standing on the next front door and had boxes up to his freckled curvy nose, (he couldn’t see the obviously younger man’s whole face) chatting with a younger blonde man with long hair as his was.

Law could feel a frown take place on his serious face, (it’s his normal morning face, okay? ), he held his coffee mug tightly and tried to call his cats whispering over to the man’s feet trough the noisy chatting at 8:40 am quietly to avoid making any more noise this early, “ Beppo!” , “ Asami!” but causing to cough those two’s attention to him, make them turn to him with interest and to hear a “I’m inside if you need me, you go meet with your neighbour, and apologise for your noisiness!” from a calmer, British accented voice before the different looking kind man went inside and left the two of them alone on the hall of the apartment with a quiet, but calming awkwardness.

Law blinked restlessly, but had a break to look down to his cats rubbing on his fluffy slippers returning to their warm home meowing. He put his coffee cup to the ground , and then glanced at the man putting his boxes to stand normally, and finally, saw the man’s face who had the whole damn sun’s brightness on his freckled, smiley, pretty face.

His frown disappeared, weird, he thought , and to be completely honest, he was ready to curse for the noise he had to witness at this early hour of his off day- but for fuck’s sake, the man hadn’t plan to meet the best thing that ever happened to him, on that day. Nope, surely not this early in the morning.

The man who stole his cats had long wavy raven coloured hair, a crooked but heartwarming smile, something pretty and energetic Law didn’t expect to see this early. His freckled face was so openly, inviting the sun itself to shine more. He had broad shoulders looking pretty on a dark blue shirt, fewer tattoos visible under his folded arms on his pale skin and a charming smile that Law had to fight not to deceived.

Was to be so lonely finally enough?

“Oh hey! I’m Portgas Ace and am yer new front neighbour! m’ sorry for disturbing you, nice to meet ya!”

Said Ace, his long buff arms waving him and continuing to talking with his energetic voice like he really wasn’t freezing on this early spring morning,

“were they yer cats? I’m sorry they ran out to wander ‘round me, I guess they liked me!”

and before Law could part his nervously together pressed lips to talk and only stop to realise he was starting to communicate with this gorgeous (who even said that?) man standing before him, he wet his lips to say no and leave to be alone forever, again, but heard something unusual for the first-meeting from the man that changed everything for good.

Fuck.

In fact, he was socially awkward and couldn’t say no to save his own damn life, especially to someone like this weirdly good looking man who looked like he ate the fucking sun.

“Would ya like to have a breakfast with us?”

It was clearly a invite, huh?

And if you would ask him, Law definitely didn’t want to have the younger man to be a part of his lonely life, him bringing Law life and the energy to come home earlier, to see him every morning on his kitchen preparing him some healthy breakfast at 4:50 am, nor wanted to admit that he really went for kissing the young man’s warm smiley lips endlessly every time he would call him “ love”.

Everything had changed, he knew it, after he met Ace on the floor of his new house and had the most tastiest breakfast of his life prepared by Ace’s second little brother Sabo, and was welcomed like he was family while he was a stranger before 10 minutes, 3 years ago.

And as he noticed that he liked being around Ace those times, and getting pulled out of his house on his free days by him only to return to his house with warm and fuzzy feelings he never had , saying “maybe it isn’t too bad to have company” , it was now too late to return back to his cold quite days where he wasn’t all over a man whose the sun itself radiating warmth from his pure skin, giggling while his freckles were kissed. Where he didn’t have someone to make him laugh every day/ or even on a normal day.

He loved Ace, liked hearing him calling himself “the second dad” of the cats and one big dog they had together, and the warm (really warm!) nights & mornings they shared in the apartment that was now theirs. Petting Ace’s soft hair every time he fell asleep on Law while he was reading something about organs or narcolepsy was always something that made the two of them calmer, and feeling the other’s body heath getting even warmer with every kiss he got down his freckled belly underLaw’s big hands wasn’t something new.

“Ya got me heatin’ like a sunny day, darling, oh please don’t stop.”

It was like a dream, wanting was enough, sitting on their old British armchair, holding the man he loved the most in his arms tightly keeping him from jumping out while shouting “ yer gonna see when I kick yer ass when I see ya Roronoa!” to the tall younger man with moss coloured hair holding Luff’s hand, smirking while stealing the younger brother of Ace from the “ the together night” where everyone they loved were together. He was laughing intensely, pulling Ace from his waist to make him sit back on his thighs, then stroking the raven hair he loved most, saying “ leave the youngsters alone, they’re still figuring everything out, ” while giggling. It was like Law had two big energetic dogs, but one of them was definitely a handsome young man he wanted to marry, he must’ve admit that. Everyone were together, and being lonely wasn’t even the thing anymore. Surely, he still got headaches over the sunshine man talking nonstop to his ear, but never felt overwhelmed or never wanted to be alone, ever.

When Ace joined to his lonely, busy life and never left his side although Law himself couldn’t get used to being loved for so long, but he never gave up and fought for their feelings. He knew he loved this man with his whole life. Being lonely wasn’t a option anymore, he knew how spring brought him the biggest treasure to him, because could feel the love inside him when he couldn’t even let go of this man’s body to get up from their bed, murmuring quietly, “ I’ll be back at midnight.” while kissing his freckled face.

Trafalgar Law was now in love; a happy man who would stop by a coffee shop to bring home some pumpkin spice latte every autumn just to see his fiancé’s happy face because it was worth it. Say, could it even be better?

[otrtbs]

“you can just take guns to music concerts in the united states” some of these bitches need to never speak again and i’m so serious about that.

[imthatpowerful]

making love is so intimate because you’re trusting this other person with your body like you letting them intertwine with you you’re letting them see your bare body and touch it and be one with you. it’s just the two of you exploring each other’s bodies

like tell me that’s not the most intimate thing ever

that’s why it’s so sacred, that’s why it’s better to do it with the one you love.

i’ve never been that close to a boy like i’ve never done ANYTHING (lowkey grateful for that) so js thinking about doing it with harry like gives me butterflies

[enchantingprincessworld]

Think about how many people permashifted or respawned into their Harry Potter reality. We won't ever know and it's so beautiful. Go shift!

[rambleonwithrosie]

You're daydreaming about a sexy man for the scenarios playing in your head... What is his profession?

These are your options. It can be any era of that occupation that you find sexy. So it can be an undercover agent spying for the Scottish rebellion to reinstate Bonnie Prince Charlie or it can be literally James Bond, it can be a modern man in Navy uniform or Jack Sparrow (pirates technically qualify as sailors) , your local wrench from down the road or that 50s iconic mechanic dripping sex appeal with a pack of cigarettes up his sleeve, a minstrel wooing a medieval lady at court or your modern music crush like Harry Styles or someone from classic rock... Just when you see these job titles which one instinctively drops your panties.

If none of them do (I don't think your sexuality includes attraction to men 😂 jk) but put in the tags what job does tickle your fancy