#haha where did that all come from

[normal-newt]

Oversharing on tumblr again. But it's hard that no one really knows except me (It being theoretically read-able is enough, no need for anyone to actually read it)

(probably no fun to read, has no real message beyond 'newt is sad about trauma' totally okay to ignore)

People really like seeing me as 'innocent '. It makes me hate everything a little bit more. Still seen as vulnerable, easy target, still seen as too childish to even talk about things that happened to me.

Can see the assumption. Was "sheltered" from taboo things. drugs, rude jokes, anything about sex, swearing. Things that still made me blush a bit even though they are not actually wrong.

But. At same time, was left exposed to other stuff. Exploitation. Neglect. Abuse. Life or death choices. Still not knowing if everyone made it. Violence, assault, coercion, talking down someone with a knife. Starvation, sleep deprivation, improvising own medical supplies. Improvising own medical procedures. Stuff not for writing about.

And then people go "oh, poor newt gets worried seeing blood" "newt must have never ever seen bruises on someone's neck" "if newt saw the big bad things out there, they would be less scared of this little stuff"

Sick of being called too naive to understand, even to learn. Ignorance is not protection, and it never was.

Let me learn about what happened to me And give me words to talk about it. And let me learn about the taboos that were to risky to explore earlier. And stop putting me back in the same box used to hurt me. And be happy if you don't know why sleep deprivation made that list. and yeah

[bruhstation]

[nonranghaes]

mentions: food + chris is implied to be slightly older than reader + mentions of reader having chubby cheeks.

sometimes your boyfriend simply chooses to be your biggest tormentor. exhibit a: he’s been teasing you about the (’cute’ in his words) way you eat strawberries for the past several minutes.

“i’m just saying!” he says with a laugh, watching you from the couch. “you’re just so cute about it!”

you still don’t get it, and he hasn’t elaborated in the slightest. you think it might be in the same way he finds his other friends closer to your age cute when they so much as breathe sometimes--like felix. then again, you’ve seen the way felix acts sometimes, and it is, indeed, cute. but all you’re doing is eating some strawberries you cut the tops off of, and you aren’t doing it any cuter than how a person normally eats strawberries. you’re literally just eating them. simple as that.

you pick up the bowl and move over to sit with him instead. “just try to explain.”

and he manages to quell his giggles as he hugs the pillow he’s been holding tighter against his chest. “okay,” he says. “you love strawberries.”

this is a fact. most people know it about you, but you’d say they’re probably your favorite fruit--or among the top of your list if nothing else.

“so you get this really cute look on your face when you eat a really good strawberry,” he says. “also... these,” he reach out, pinching one of your cheeks, and he chuckles again when you grimace. “automatically make you cute. it’s like when jisung eats and his cheeks puff out.”

you swat at his hand, “so you’re saying i look like a squirrel.”

“no!” he laughs, “i’m saying all of it just makes you... cuter.” he paws through the air until he catches your hand in his. “it’s like when you say i’m cute.”

“because you are!”

“i don’t get it--you say it when i’m not even doing anything!”

“because you’re cute!”

he giggles, pulling the bowl of strawberries aside as he ditches the pillow in favor for you. “then i guess,” he places the quickest peck against your lips, eyes crinkling as he smiles hard, “we just have to agree that we’re both cute.” 

even if you don’t get it... you think you can agree to that one.

[rocksanddeadflowers]

Love the idea of Lyfrassir being able to purr like a cat bc alien biology 10/10 it's literally perfect (purrfect? sorry). Purring is often used by cats as a way to express comfort and joy, but also to try and comfort/heal themselves and those who they're purring on (and it works!!!!). So let the traumatized person purr it's so sweet <3

But also.... have we considered the negative connotations between cat-like purring and Marius? Like Lyfrassir is all cozy and snuggled up to Marius and they start purring (probably the first time they have purred in ages and definitely the first time Marius has heard them purr) and he immediately freaks out based on a fear of octokittens and the subconscious knowledge they will end him one day (even if he doesn't actually know that yet)? Or what about immortal Lyf and Marius somehow dies first so now Lyf can't bring themself to purr anymore? Or reversed (bc honestly if we believe in immortal Lyf I suspect Lyf would be consumed by the Bifrost before Marius gets eaten) where he got used to Lyf's purrs and now misses them so dearly that that is the lose end that causes him to visit the octokittens? He finally gets to hear purring when his story ends after so long, even though it's not right it's hard to remember the details through immortality and maybe, just maybe, there's someplace beyond the closed pages of his book where he'll find his Lyf again?

I'm. Hmm. I didn't mean to get all angsty over cute Lyfrassir purring. Whoops.

[averlym]

whshdfhfjf.,,,

[sysig]

I hope you blink before I do (Patreon)

[seilon]

every newer gen kpoppy who calls it revolutionary every time a big name bg member wears something vaguely skirt-like should be required to watch lee sungjong of infinite putting his whole pussy into performing coming of age ceremony by park jiyoon wearing the song's classic form-fitting black side-slitted dress with zero gimmicks way back in 2012

[volfoss]

my #analysis or whatever but its really interesting with how much they cut out of the Jon at the banquet 1x01 scene compared to (at least the leaked version online) the original pilot and book. like not to be like yeah grrm put this much detail in there for a reason but a lot of the detail that they removed really hurts jon as a character and its so jarring to see how much they cut to take the chapter down to about 3 minutes of the episode.

[fruityfroggy]

EEEEEEEEEEEEEE SHES OFFICIALLY JOINED THE CLUBBB

AHKVNDVJDFBONFEVHOIVGJI YENISEIIII<333333 MY POOKIEE<333333 MY GLUBBYYY<33333ANFESJOVSFHBIFWBVSFOUBVFS LOEVYOULOEVYOULOEVYOUBBILYSMM

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

[avirael]

FFxiv Write 2023

Day 21 - Grave

It was the morning after the celebration at Lake Silvertear when Rael had woken up very early and stepped into the common room of the Rising Stones. No one was there yet and the rising sun shining through the frosted glass windows gave the room a special atmosphere you could only witness for a short period of time every morning.

Rael had just stepped in front of the bookshelf looking for a certain book Papalymo had mentioned a few days back, when a familiar face appeared in the room. Obviously in a hurry but still on silent feet A'viloh, who most certainly wasn’t a morning person, came down the stairs that led to their private rooms. In one hand he held a small backpack and with the other he stuffed some clothes into it, while heading straight for the exit.

"Where are you going?", Rael asked and made the Miqo'te jump with shock.

"Rael!", he exclaimed. "What are you doing here?!"

Rael held up a book. "I could not sleep anymore, so I thought I might as well get up and read a little before it gets crowded again. What about you?"

"Ah! I…uhm…", A'viloh gestured towards the door but didn’t seem to find a proper excuse where he was going.

"Are you sneaking out, A'vi.", Rael asked with a raised eyebrow.

"No!", he answered. "Why would I? I just… you know…"

Rael glowered at him and the Miqo’te folded. "Okay, maybe you are right... But I just have to get out of here for a while, that’s all…"

"Why?", Rael asked puzzled. Everything finally seemed to be alright again. They couldn’t understand what bothered him and there visibly was something bothering him. Usually they didn’t need to pry things like this out of A'viloh anymore. He knew he could talk to Rael. Something seemed off.

He shook his head and made a strangely sad face. "You wouldn’t understand that, Rael…"

Rael tilted their head and observed him for a moment. "This is about Thancred, isn’t it?"

A'viloh looked up in surprise and then back down to the floor, sighing deeply. Rael took that as a confirmation.

"But why? You are right, I don’t understand things like this very well. But I watched you sit at his bedside in tears for two whole weeks and now that he’s awake you not only refuse to talk to him, no, you do everything you can to avoid him. Why?"

"It’s better this way…", he muttered.

"Better?", Rael repeated incredulously and started to get an idea what this was about. "You do know that what happened to him wasn’t your fault right?"

"Wasn’t it?", the Miqo'te retorted. "I should have noticed something was wrong, Rael!"

"Noticed!?", Rael laughed. "How should you have noticed that. No one, not even his closest friends noticed, A'vi! You know why that is? That man is constantly wearing a mask, putting on a performance, it’s impossible to tell what’s true and what’s fake with him. No one would ever have noticed something was wrong with him because, Ascian or not, he wouldn’t have let anybody notice it."

A'viloh just shrugged. It meant that he disagreed and it made Rael furious but they tried to stay calm. "Please, just talk to him, A'vi! I’m sure he doesn’t blame you…"

"I just can’t, alright?", A'viloh exclaimed miserably.

"But why? You like him, don’t you? Even I can see that!", Rael asked and walked over to him.

A'viloh sighed again. "Maybe… I do, I think… but..."

"But?", the Viera insisted as A'viloh’s voice trailed off but the Miqo’te remained silent, staring to the floor with a grief-stricken face they only ever saw on him in one context.

"He is not U���laqa… is that it?", Rael asked silently.

A'viloh kept quiet and just glanced up at the Viera while biting his lip.

Rael sighed. "Oh A'vi… you know that U'laqa -"

"Is gone and isn’t coming back, yes I know. ", he interrupted. "By the Twelve, I know."

Tears started to run down his face and suddenly all his bottled up feelings just came pouring out of him.

"But I still feel so horrible! So confused and useless!… Some days… I don’t know… it all still feels so present. Everything happened so fast... Before I even realised it Laqa was gone. Just gone! You don’t know what that was like! One moment before he had been so close that I could feel his breath on my skin. It would have taken nothing but an ilm or two and I could have kissed him one last time. But then he was gone. Just like that! And after the shipwreck there wasn't even a body. I couldn’t even bury him! I could never say goodbye or that I’m sorry! And sometimes I feel like I will never get over the fact that he’s dead. That all of this was my fault. That I got him killed! What right do I have to—"

"What? No! This wasn’t your fault, A'vi!", Rael interrupted starting to see a pattern. But A’viloh was too upset to see reason.

"Of course it was! Without me he would never have left the Springs! Without me he would never have ended up on that godsforsaken ship! He only attacked that man, because he tried to protect me! And what was it all for, huh? Nothing! They got me anyway! His death was entirely meaningless and it was all my fau-"

"Stop!", Rael said loudly and shook him by his shoulders. "He did what he did because he loved you! That must be worth something, right? I may not have known him but I’m sure he wouldn’t have wanted you to blame yourself for this. And he also wouldn’t want for you to be miserable and lonely for the rest of your life just because you feel guilty!"

"It doesn’t matter! I just can’t do this anymore! No matter how hard I try, everything I touch, I ruin! I am cursed, Rael!", A'viloh tried to shake Rael’s hands off but the Viera didn’t let him and instead pulled him into their arms.

"I think I will risk it.", they said. "If only to prove you wrong."

For a moment A'viloh struggled and hissed but then he gave in and instead hugged the Viera back, hands clawed into the backside of Rael’s shirt and his face buried at their chest. "I don’t deserve you…", he muttered, his voice muffled. "I don’t deserve any of this…"

Rael shook their head and then rested it on top of the Miqo'te’s. "Enough with this nonsense now. You deserve all the love and happiness in this world, A'vi. And if you don’t believe that, I will remind you over and over again until you do."

A'viloh made a muffled noise that sounded like something between a sob and a laugh. For a while they remained like this until A’viloh seemed to have calmed down again. Rael patted him on the back and glanced around the still empty room. "Maybe it would be good if you let go of me now. It may look funny if someone sees us like this…"

Reluctantly the Miqo'te let go. "Thank you..."

"Anytime.", Rael said with a kind smile on their face. "What would you say to a few days of vacation? I’ll get some things and we’ll be on our way? Maybe some fresh air will really help your stubborn little brain to think all of this through…"

A'viloh returned their smile and nodded.

[corvigae]

talk about your favorite oc, if you have one

OH GOD OKAY GET READY

I have a couple favorites, like 3 immediately pop into my mind when I see "favorite OC," but at the end of the day my favorite of them all is definitely Cosmo Leonard.

This bitch.

She's quite literally one of my other characters (Nova)'s childhood imaginary friend based on her favorite doll who grew up with her, being invisible to anyone else but her, until Nova was able to find a way to make her a real live person some time around their mid-to-late teens. Now, Nova has ADHD, and because Cosmo was imagined by somebody with ADHD, she also has ADHD. And because she spent all of her formative years being invisible and never really experiencing any consequences to her actions and never being told no by an authority figure before in her life, Cosmo really, really doesn't know how to not indulge in her more impulsive thoughts, or have much of a filter when speaking to people because she doesn't have experience with speaking to anybody but Nova! So, as a result she has a very chaotic, impulsive, and sort of childish personality. She's here to have fun and experience things and live life to the fullest!! But that brings up some problems, because in her constant impulsiveness, she sometimes does things that end up hurting the people around her who she cares about, and since she's not used to consequences, it's hard for her to take that into consideration before she acts. And it's not that she doesn't care - she actually cares a LOT! It really really hurts her when she hurts others, and she wants to do better, it's just hard for her.

Addditionally, because Cosmo spent so long not being a "real person," just a concept or a literal plush doll, she sometimes experiences some dissociation and disconnect with the fact that she is in fact an actual person now, and if it gets exceptionally bad and distressing, she ocassionally reverts back to her doll form as a sort of rest period to just take a break from Existing for a bit. One of the biggest triggers of this is actually the aformentioned instances of accidentally upsetting and hurting people, because it can very easily lead to a thought spiral of "I did a bad thing," -> "I'm a bad person," -> "I'm bad at being a person," -> "People were better off when I wasn't a person," -> "I shouldn't be a person."

Despite this negativity and her ocassional mistakes, though, like I said she is genuinely a very kind, caring, fun-loving person who just wants to get the best out of life with the people she loves, and she is actively trying with those people to be better and more conscientious with her actions.

Bonus Fun Facts for if you've read this far:

She's in a band with Nova, where she usually plays either the lead guitar and/or sings, or plays drums when Nova or Matthew are singing.

Her hair is naturally purple with red highlights. Because imaginary friend logic.

She really likes cooking and BAKING especially. Her favorite thing to make is chocolate chip cookies.

She is dating Nova's little brother Ori and I'm obsessed with their relationship.

Here's her playlist which I've specifically curated to have a sort of flow between states of mania and depression bc she's also canonically bipolar.

[isekyaaa]

But on the other hand, a psychological horror fanfiction of That's Not My Neighbor in which you are the doorman and a certain entity becomes obsessed with making your life a living hell.

[kinstein-art]

this is rlly dumb im sorry but THANK YOU FOR 700 FOLLOWERS!!!! AAAHHH!!!! im so happy that so many people like my art, huge thanks to all of you!!!! to everyone who's been here for a while, thank you for sticking with me - and to all of you who are new, welcome!!!! hope you enjoy!!!

[mad-hunts]

what chess piece represents you?

the black knight.

you are a black knight, the black sheep, the underdog. as the only piece that can jump over others, you can easily get yourself in and out of situations - always catching people off guard with your charisma and cunning. you move in the shadows, trading information with shady people, getting the upper hand through not always good methods. how far do you think this road can take you? for all your charisma or cunning, lies can only get you so far. one day, that mask you've put on will slip, and you'll be left defenseless. but until then, oh black knight, live like there's no tomorrow - because there might not be.

tagged by: @divingdownthehole.

tagging: @lvebug, @twcfaces, @talentforlying, @forensisch, and anyone else who might like to do this quiz!

[sysig]

I'm awfully curious as to what kinda work goes into creating a pantheon. Idk like where are your gods from and why are they gods and what makes them gods? I keep thinking about making one but it gets so complicated so fast

Not to "It depends" but lol - my method of making the AGE gods is by no means One Size Fits All! I mean heck, there are lowercase gods and one Uppercase God, and that's just in the Prime Material Plane lol. The complexities are what makes it fun in my mind :D

As just a brief overview, the way the AGE gods function is kinda like elements: Y (the "One True" but really just the First God) coming into existence brought "elements" (angels) into being, and then by dying created an "explosion"/power vacuum that sucked a handful of angels into new super-beings that the sentient races adopted as the new gods. And that's just how they came to be, not counting things like how worship works, or how over the course of the campaign they were meant to be picked off one by one, throwing off the balance of divine nature!

I think a lot of it comes down to what you want to use your pantheon for - mine was a ticking clock for the PCs to save the Prime Material Plane from imploding, and all the development came from that impetus - they were designed to die from the very start, and only then did I start developing how they came to be and what they represent :) What do you want your god(s) to do? Why? Hopefully they'll start taking shape from there