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tarotinapinch · 4 years ago

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Pile One: Green Fluorite Tower

1. Soul Gift: What you came here to express and share with the world.

*Portal: Doors are opening. You decide. Rewards. Wild Card.

*Share Your Voice: Come out of the cave. Persecution. Expression.

*Death

*Joy

You came here to share your own unique voice, one that is different than anyone else in this world. You may have been raised a certain way, but you are meant to break the mold and transform yourself into someone who is so vibrant and full of joy. You are meant to make your own decisions, unaffected by other people's opinions. Sharing your voice with the world could mean so many different things, whether it be singing, writing, becoming a licensed therapist, doing private readings for people or sharing public readings for the collective, being an influencer on social media, or even making YouTube videos ranting about your personal experiences. The possibilities are quite endless. But you have a specific calling that feels right to you. Go after it, that is your life purpose and you are meant to share these gifts to help raise the collective consciousness.

2. Karmic Wound: What you came here to heal.

*You Got The Love: Hadarian Energy. Codependency. Boundaries

*Keepers of the Earth: You are not alone. Ancient Ancestors stand beside you.

*Take Risk

*Authentic Truth

You have a major karmic wound within your blood family ancestry and that wound is named codependency. I could probably write an entire book on my own experience with this subject, but the main focus for you right now is how to set healthy boundaries. You very well could have grown up with a lack of boundaries as a kid and even into adulthood. Your immediate family could struggle with boundaries with themselves, therefore cross yours more often than you'd like to realize. Boundaries aren't hard to learn, but they can definitely be hard to practice, especially when those around you do not know how to set healthy ones. Here's some good news, though: you are the one who is meant to break and heal this family curse of unhealthy boundaries and codependency. Does this feel like a huge undertaking? I'd be lying if I said that it wasn't. But here's some more good news: although this may be quite the quest to take on, the solution is super simple. All you have to do is take the risk to live your most authentic life, to do what you want to do and be who you want to be at a soul level. These ancestral patterns will break and the healing will start, all just by you being unapologetically you and living only within your truth. Setting boundaries with yourself and with your family to uphold your promise to yourself about living authentically won't exactly be easy, but it will get easier with time and practice. Remember that it's normal to feel guilty when you first start setting boundaries, but also know that feeling guilty does not mean that it's the wrong thing to do. Start small, take it one step at a time. Before you know it, you'll be in such a better place and ready to take the next, even bigger step for spiritual journey.

If you would like to do some self-help research of your own, I highly recommend that you get your hands on a copy of Set Boundaries, Find Peace by Nedra Tawwab. Her book is the how-to manual on learning everything about boundaries. The way that she writes is so easy to understand and absorb. No psychobabble, just real talk and experiences.

3. Life Lessons: What you came here to learn.

*All Paths Lead Home: Inner authority. Intuition. Turn your gaze within.

*Deep Replenishment: Retreat. Rest. Be held.

*The Wildling

*Divine Animals

You came here to learn that no matter what path you choose to go down, no matter how crazy it may seem, you will always find yourself going the right way. In fact, the "crazier" your choice may seem to others, the more likely it's what is meant for you. You will never make the wrong choice, you will always end up home, whatever that word may mean for you. Your intuition is always on point and you're here to learn how to follow that inner voice with confidence, even if you may not be able to see the path forward at certain points in your life. You are also here to learn when to give yourself a break. You're a hard worker, perhaps brought up and taught that "there's no free handouts” and that you need to work hard in order to achieve anything in life. As much as we hear this "advice" from society, it's quite the toxic mindset. You should /never/ have to overwork yourself to the point of burnout just to be comfortable. You need passion and focus, of course, but those things do not have the same definition as "hard work". If you really enjoy what you do, then the "work" should be easy and fun for you. The more easy and fun the "work" is, the more time you can spend doing it without burning out and the more money you can earn. The more money you can earn, the more time you can take away to rest, rejuvenate, take a vacation, and care for yourself it whatever other means you feel necessary. Animals may also play a major role in your life whether they just be family pets that you have a close bond with, part of how you wind down and destress, or they could even be a part of your career. Whatever the case may be, you definitely have some important animal friends in your life that were sent by your guides to be a spiritual companion.

4. Current Obstacle: The thing that's challenging you the most.

*Star Ancestors: Hidden secrets. Lost Wisdom. Look a little deeper.

*Dance With Life: Do something to change your energy.

*The Outlaw

*Let Go

The hardest thing for you right now could very well just being able to feel like you can be yourself and do what you want to do without the fear of judgement from others. You may be feeling a bit stuck in a rut, our energy becoming a bit too stagnant for your liking and only adding to the stuck feeling. Know this: no one is holding you back or keeping you stuck. The only person in the entire Universe that can do that is your own self. So you can move and change your energies any time that you wish to. But you may be having a hard time letting go of the way things are because the logical part of your brain tells you "but this worked in the past, so why can't it continue to work now? Why shake things up when everything seems to be running okay?" True, it may have worked in the past, and it may be running okay now. But that doesn't mean that you are okay with how things are, nor does it mean that you have to accept things as they are if the energies don't vibe with you anymore. We are constantly evolving and therefore what we are comfortable with and what we are no longer comfortable with also fluctuate many times during the course of our existence. Do not fear what others may think, or the judgements they may make. This will only hold you back. The only opinion that you need be worried about is your own. As long as you are doing things for you that make you feel good about yourself and you are not intentionally harming others, then you're doing the right thing! Take a minute to meditate, clear your mind of anyone else's thoughts or opinions and ask yourself directly, "What do I want to do? What is it that would make me happy?" Whatever answer you come to that is not tainted with your family's, friends', or even society's opinions, is the true answer that you are seeking to follow.

5. Soul Calling: What your soul is calling you toward.

*Wait: It's not yet time. Things are being woven.

*Don't Dim to Fit In: How are you dimming your light in order to fit in?

*The Observer

*Focus

Right now is a time for some observance. Hold on a minute. Take a step back and really focus on your life and where you are currently heading. Are you doing the things that you truly want to do? Or are you doing things because you feel the need to fit in with others or with society as whole? Are you dimming down your true, vibrant personality because you feel like you need to fit a certain mold to get by or to be successful? If any of these questions ring true for you, spirit is telling you it is not time to move forward quite yet. Only move forward when you know that you are moving towards what /you/ want for you, not what others want for you. Stop dimming that beautiful personality down. Let it shine brightly like the stunning star that you are. Once you start living within this energy, really focused on your personal wants and needs, that's when it will be time to move forward with the next stage of your life.

6. Guidance Message from your Spiritual Team

*Seeker of Coins

*Become Aware: Create Space today to connect with your body. Find a comfortable place and close your eyes, bringing your awareness to your physical form. How does it feel? What does it speak to you? Do hidden emotions reside within? After you have connected with your body, ask yourself what your body needs in this moment

*Forgiveness

*Following the path of another. Your path is being redirected to where it should be.

Your guides want you to know that what you are meant to do for "work" in this life is quite different than what those around you do. I put "work" in quotation marks because I believe that if we are aligned with the right career path, "work" will never feel like work, it will just feel like a fulfilling and fun life that provides you with all that you need and more. These cards suggest that perhaps there is a family business or perhaps a career path that almost everyone in your family follows that you feel you are expected to follow as well. Just because your family follows this path doesn't mean that you have to as well. And you don't need your family's or anyone else's approval to go after the career choice that you truly long for. Maybe you've felt a pull to this path for a long time somewhere deep in your bones, but have kept putting it off to appease others, or for the fact that it seemed easier to follow an already paved road rather than to clear a path of your own. Whatever the case may be, forgive yourself for the time that you spent dwelling on this. You did not waste time, this time only made you realize what you did not want, and that is very important. Also forgive those around you who seemed to be persuading or pushing you in a different direction than what you really wanted. At the end of the day, they were most likely just trying to help you achieve the goal that they think you wanted. Don't be afraid to speak up for yourself and your needs. Express how you truly feel about things and start to go after the choices that feel right for you. Your true family and friends will respect and support your decisions and you will always be supported by the universe when you go after your dreams to make them a reality.

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therealrosebuddies · 7 years ago

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Like a Blaster to the Heart Pt. 9

The Resistance has finally found a new home, but getting permission from the local princess (you) has come with more problems than expected. All seems to go well, but Poe Dameron is about to discover that they’re new Princess is anything but ordinary.

Parts: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

Outfit sketches :https://mattstarrxfandomimagines.tumblr.com/post/170519620711/i-drew-out-all-of-the-readers-outfits-from-like-a

Tag list: @nessoverjoyed @cassianandorxreader @shelter-with-bambam @o-brienwrites @myrabbitholetoneverland@chloecat48 @sheddingpounds @baileythepenguin@sarcasticsquid @twerkinglucifer @alexiamiky2003

Pairings: Poe x Reader, Onesided-Kylo x Reader

Warnings: blood, fighting- not much else :)

So this is the ninth part of this series- whew! It’s turned out a lot longer then I thought it would. Also, this part starts out slower- but it doesn’t stay that way for long! Anyway, I just wanted to say thank you again, for supporting me as I write, I love, love LOVE when you guys message me or send input. It literally sends me over the moon. So please don’t be afraid to talk to me- I want to know what’s working out and what isn’t. Now that I’ve gotten that out of the way, as always -I will keep writing a post the next part if you like it- so happy reading!

“Well you can take your administrative adjudication and shove it right up your-” “Commander!” “Sorry. What I meant to say was: there’s no way in the universe that the resistance is going to go under an entire civilizations nose and use them for free labor!” Poe reworded hotly, arms folded tight. You watched from your metal bench as the pilot stared down the at the man across from him, someone much older and grayer. They stood with all of the other council members in the middle of the room, turned blue in the light of the hologram that floated above their heads. The room was taller than it was wide, constructed for addressing large crowds. The stage was small and fixed at the bottom of the room, with rows of circular benches leading up to the doors. Almost the entire rebellion was here (which wasn’t much), plus the teams that the visiting officials had brought with them. For the first time since you had been at the base you felt compressed- like there were to many people packed into the small curl of seats. With your front teeth pressed into your lip, you watched as the leaders of the rebellion debated, stuck close between Rose and Finn. The synth fabric you had borrowed felt stiff and a little itchy, rubbing against the bandages you were trying so hard to hide. Dressed in plain grey, if someone had looked into the crowd, they wouldn’t have been able to guess you were anything but another resistance soldier. No one would have been able to guess you were the former princess of the system. You liked the anonymity- it let you relax.

The meeting had been going on for about an hour, but to you it felt like days. It seemed like they were talking about the same things- over and over and over. In fact, you were pretty sure you had seen some rebels falling asleep in their seats. You rubbed your flat palms together and leaned forward, squinting down at the argument below. “But the Hadarian people have already agreed to let us live on their planet. They want us to be there.” “Because we aren’t telling them the whole truth!” Poe rebuddeled and then pointed up at the glowing map. “Taking refugee on Hadar would put us closer to the First Order then any of our other options.” “Commander, I under-” “I’m not finished. Korell, on the other hand- is perfect. Out of the way, old enough that it’s looked over on univ- maps, and there are networks of caves already waiting for us to fill.” “But it will take a year before a real, efficient base is up and running. Not to mention how much money it’s going to cost.” “Do you want to stop the First Order? This here is our best bet.” The Commander insisted, staring down the man who bad mouthed you a day earlier. The man- Senator Nemumpr as he liked to be called- looked like he was about to blow a gasket. This Commander, this ameuture was pushing him to the breaking point. At this moment, the two resistance leaders looked like they were seconds away from strangling each other. It was time for the General to step in. “Okay, Okay- calm down.” Leia spoke forcefully, drawing everyone’s gaze from the angry debate to her level headed stance. “I can see both sides of this argument. Senator- you have a good point when bringing up the factor of time. If we did go to Hadar, it would be much, much easier to restart our headquarters.” Leia paused, almost like she was taking in the reaction of everyone in the room. Nemumpr smiled smugly, glancing down at Poe over his frosty white nose. “But the risk of being so near to the First Order is too big of a problem for us to ignore. It would be too easy for scouts and other patrols to find out base on Hadar. That is why I am going to side with Commander Dameron on his point.” You smiled into your hands as the Senator’s mouth dropped open and then room began to buzz with discussion. Poe looked from Leia appreciatively and then head on at Nemumpr, his expression returning the smug gaze he and received just moments before. So the resistance was leaving- it was official. Poe looked up at the crowd, finding you sitting quietly. He winked quickly, just fast enough for you to have seen it. It wouldn’t have been ‘professional’ if everyone had. You rolled your eyes- but you were smiling, cheeks flushed red. This was enough for the pilot. But as he smiled up at you, an official grabbed Poe’s attention from you, disappearing behind a door that you weren’t allowed inside of. So much for talking after the meeting. Everyone in the room began to disperse, following the example of their leaders. And then it hit you. The Resistance was leaving the Umbaran system. You leaned back into the bench, smile faltering as you realized what had just been decided. There had always been this overarching feeling in the back of your mind that told you this was going to happen- stars, you had been working with Poe all that time to get the communication device so they could leave. Throughout all of it, you had never actaully realized what that had meant. Now you did. What were you going to do? Or course- you wanted to leave. You wanted to jump on the first shuttle out of here and get away as fast as you could. But there was something in the pit of your stomach, some unrelenting dread in the back of your mind you couldn’t quite place. You couldn’t leave yet- not before saying goodbye. “F/n?” Rose was holding your shoulder, shaking you out of your thoughts. “Oh- kriff- sorry. I just zoned out.” You admitted, standing as the other rebels began to rush out of the room. Rose smiled at you and released your shoulder as she nodded. “Don’t worry about it. I’m pretty sure everyone was getting tired of them arguing about the same thing. It’s good that the Commander won though.” You nodded absentmindedly and followed Rose as you exited the tight bleachers, walking up the stairs. It was great that Poe had successfully made his case- you couldn’t have been happier for him. But now that you were thinking about leaving, your mind was elsewhere. As you neared the top of the stairs, you brushed a strand of loose hair from your face- and then caught a glimpse of bright white fabric moving in the corner of your eye. You stopped abruptly, your head snapping to the right. The soldier below you grunted in annoyance as you stopped, bumping against your lower back. You offered up hasty apologies as you stepped once again into the bleachers, staring up at the spot where you thought the white had been. Rose looked back down at you from the top of the stairs, wondering with an open mouth what you were doing. You waved her away and gave a thumbs up, assuring her you were fine. The maintenance worker smiled- a little unsure- and then walked off along with the crowd of people. Gaze flickering back to the stairs, you were sure that you saw a flash of white fabric coming from that way. “F/n!” A small voice hissed at you from above the stairs, near the rounded hallway that lead around the rest of the room. Your head perked up and you scrambled up the bleachers, feet hitting the hard floor of the corridor. Turning to the right, you peered down the veering hallway. Rey was leaning sideways, pressed against the wall to avoid being seen. You hadn’t seen her since… she had put you to sleep. You hoped she didn’t feel bad about doing it. “Hey.” You whispered as you hurried over, looking around where you were standing. “Why are you hiding?” Rey looked at you with wrinkled brows and squinting eyes, like it should have been obvious she was hiding in the dark of an abandoned hallway. “I- I would rather only talk to you about this. The less people that know the better.” She answered cryptically, fingers playing with the wrappings on her forearms. You nodded, trying to look as understanding as possible. The way Rey was acting… it was like a wounded animal, unsure of how to talk. Any sudden movement could have spooked her away, causing her to run off before you got an explanation. The jedi inhaled deeply, lids squeezed shut over her hazel eyes. “It’s about Ben.” “Ben? I don’t- Oh….” You trailed off, eyes snapping from the floor and back up to Rey. The way she said that name- you were the one who was nervous now. “Yes. Kylo. I know this might be hard for you, but I need you to tell me what he’s been doing to train you.” Your neutral expression hardened, mouth flattening in a line. A sharp pain stabbed at the pit of your stomach, nerves bristling. “I- I’m not sure if I…” You faltered and set your hands on your hips, jaw set tightly. “… Listen, I just don’t think it would really make sense for me to tell you all of those things.” “Please F/n. Please.” Rey implored, sharp eyes round and begging. You bit your lip, not liking where this was going. The way she was talking about Ren… “Fine.” You relented, dropping your hands. “But first- you have to tell me why you want to know.” Now it was the scavenger’s turn to frown. She seemed to realize what she had just walked into, straightening in disgruntled surprise. “Kriff.” “I know. But you outed yourself. So if you want me to tell you about Ren…” You shrugged your shoulders, beginning to back out of the hallway slowly. Your ploy worked, Rey grabbing your arm and pulling you back toward her. “Okay, fine. But you have to promise not to tell anyone.” “Not even-” “No. Definitely not him.” You couldn’t help but smile, lips pressed shut as they curved upwards. Rey sighed, giving you a dirty look. “I- I think Ben is close to coming back to the light.” You stared at her blankly for a brief second- and then let out a giggle. “Don’t laugh- I’m being serious!” You coughed into your fist, eyebrows shooting up in disbelief. “I don’t-” “You wanted the explanation. So I gave it.” Rey explained, arms folding. Your eyes darkened and you realized- she was being serious. “Rey- I don’t think that’s possible.” Your voice was low, again worried that you would set her off in some way. But she just shook her head, looking as sure of the fact as there were stars in the sky. “But it is. I’ve seen it. Just as I saw your need for Poe.” You did a double-take, eyes widening. “I don- I don’t need him! We’re just…. friends!” “Well that’s the biggest lie either of us has told.” Rey teased, smirking as you grew red. You shook your head, ignoring the jedi’s wide smile. “Let’s just talk about Kylo- what did you want to know again?” You changed the subject, teeth gritted slightly. “Something about training right?” Rey nodded, her bright smile falling back into a neutral expression. Your eyebrows furrowed in concentration and then you looked up at the ceiling, trying hard to think of something to say to her. “Oh- there’s the lightsaber.” “The lightsaber?” “Yeah- he’s been training me to work by his side. He gave me the saber about a month ago.” Rey thought for a moment, digesting the information she had been told. ‘Join me… Please.’ “He asked you to work with him?” You made a noise in the back of your throat, kicking your leg back and forth. “Something like that. It was more like he wanted me to be with him forever- but I’m not going to word it that way. It’s too…” You faltered, noticing Rey’s expression. Her eyes had grown cold and there was a vacant frown plastered on her pale skin, almost like she had seen a ghost. “Rey?” The scavenger blinked rapidly, looking back up at you with a stale, forced smile. “Sorry, I was listening- continue.” She brushed aside your look, beckoning for you to go on. “…Okay. So, I guess-” You began to speak again, but something in your pocket buzzed. Neither of you knew what it was. Your head snapped up and you looked at Rey, who had the same confused expression as you did. Reaching into your pocket, you pulled out a small, worn out communicator. The device again buzzed in your fingers, sending tremors deep through your bones. “I did not put this here.” You stated, looking at the device suspiciously. For a moment, Rey looked just as wary as you did. And then the communicator let out a loud, single beep- and gave way to a voice. “Hey, did this thing finally pick up?” It was Poe. The tight, uneasy fear in your chest broke, replaced by embarrassed exasperation. He must have placed the tiny communicator in your pocket when you hadn’t been looking. But when hadn’t you been looking? “Poe?” you asked, hoping that he would say ‘wrong number’ and just hang up. But of course- he didn’t. The Commander made a celebratory noise, and you could hear him fumbling with his device as he realized you were on the other end. Rey shot you a look, but you just shook your head. “Great, great! I’ve been trying to get this thing to work for the past ten minutes. I’m glad I finally got a hold of you.” Poe explained, now sounding like he was whispering. You pursed your lips, trying to stay annoyed. “Did you need me?” You asked, hoping that you had time to figure out why Rey was so concerned. The pilot scoffed, and you could almost hear his smile leaking from communicator. “F/n, right now I always need you-” You let out an embarrassed yelp and covered the speaker, blocking out Poe’s next words. Rey looked at you, eyes wide as she began to smile, amazed by what she had just heard. You pointed at her forcefully, giving her a look that said ‘Don’t you dare. Tease me and I kill you’. Lowering your finger slowly, your wide eyes snapped down to the communicator. “Where are you? I think whatever we need to talk about should be discussed in person.” You insisted stiffly, hoping to avoid anything else that would embarrass you. Rey wiggled her eyebrows, and you shot her another hard look of ‘that was not what I meant’. But Poe seemed to be thinking the same thing as the jedi. A soft, sharp intake of breath sounded from the device, and then a cough. “Of- of course. I’m uh- I’m near the barracks. South hallway. Do you want-” “I’ll come to you.” You said quickly, hoping to cut the conversation short. “Excited huh?” Poe teased, to which you let out another baffled gasp and shut off the communicator. Near the barracks, the pilot was looking in confusion at his device. “F/n? F/n? Are you… “ Poe straightened, and then looked down at BB-8. “She hung up on me.”

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The Black Squadron leader rapped his fingers rhythmically against the cargo supply, trying to look as casual as possible. Soldiers and maintenance workers ran back and forth, working rapidly to get the resistance off moon. If any of them asked why he was leaning into boxes, he was planning on saying he was catching a breath after the meeting. But of course, that was the exact opposite of what he was doing. In fact- the very anticipation of seeing you was making his heart rate rise instead of fall. He wanted to know how you were doing; did you like it here? Were you feeling better? Stars- he wanted you to like it here. Poe couldn’t remember that last time he had felt this nervous, this jittery to see someone. Maybe it had been the first time he had met Leia, when he was still just a kid. But this kind of anticipation was different. It was so much worse. It made his palms sweat, his throat tight and his heart race- almost as fast as he was tapping his fingers. The pilot pulled on his collar, wondering when it had gotten so hot. “Poe!” The namesake of the shout dropped his hand, eyes widening. When he looked up he saw you ducking under the landing gear of a cargo ship, making a straight beeline for him and the packing crates. A bright smile broke apart his nervous composure as he watched you, slipping and pushing past the workers. “Took you long enough.” Poe teased, hoping he sounded more nonchalant then he felt. “I would have come faster if you hadn’t embarrassed me. Rey wouldn’t shut up about it.” “What are you talking about? I didn’t embarrass you.” “Poe-” “What was embarrassing?” The commander asked with a smirk, knowing exactly what he was doing, now more comfortable focused on bothering you instead of being nervous. You frowned up at him, face growing warm. He looked down at you with that smile- and there was something in his eyes that made your stomach flutter out of control. “Stop it.” “Stop what?” Poe asked again, staring down at you as he caught on to what you said. He kept his gaze on you, dark eyes roving over you face as you avoided looking back. “You know what- Stars! Just stop staring!” You hissed and then turned to look at him, determined to stay angry. To your plea he leaned his elbow against a tall crate and smiled at you, delighting as you turned a darker red. You made a disgruntled, high pitched noise and leaned forward, covering Poe’s eyes for him. “There. Now we can talk.” Your hand was cold against the pilot’s eyelids, and he could feel your hand twitch as his eyelashes fluttered against your palm. Poe reached up and found your hand, wrapping them in his fingers as he removed them from his eyes. You stood there flushed and perfect, your frown weak and parted. Poe’s heart thudded against his rib cage as he held your fingers close, thumbs drawing repetitive circles into your knuckles. You swallowed softly, finding it hard to speak with all of your… distractions. “So what did you need me for?” You asked tightly, trying to focus. “I wanted to know how you were doing.” The commander answered simply, still rubbing your hands as your shoulders relaxed. Your wary face spread into a smile, unable to ignore the bare affection the sentence brought with it. Shifting in your stance, you hummed deep in your throat. “I’m doing better.” “What do you think of all this?” “Think of… the base?” “Leaving.” Poe explained, tearing his gaze from your hands and back up to your eyes. “Are you going to come?” ‘Are you going to come with me?’, was the unspoken question that hung between the two of you, evident in Poe’s grip on your hand, his voice- everything. He wanted you to come so badly that it the need was biting at his heart, the anticipation wearing him down the longer he waited. But how could he outright just ask you to leave? This was the planet you had known your whole life- the only way of living you had knew. And now he was asking you if you wanted to leave it all behind and come with some guy who had only met you a little over a month ago. A guy who really liked you. He watched patiently as your eyebrows furrowed, almost in confusion. Your hand grew into a fist under his, nails accidentally scratching his palms. You looked surprised- like the thought of leaving hadn’t even occurred to you. “I can…” You looked up with wide eyes, “ I don’t have to stay here anymore.” You stated, almost saying it out loud so you would understand it. Without saying anything, Poe knew what you meant. Now that your father was gone, and your entire planet assumed you were dead- there was nothing stopping you from leaving. Nothing stopping you from getting away from Kylo Ren. The pilot looked at you in concern, wondering how you were going to react. But it turned out that he didn’t have to worry.

A small laugh burst free from your lips, which was quickly covered with your free hand. Nevertheless, it couldn’t hide your smile- which traveled from your mouth to your cheeks, your body, your eyes. Your entire body brimmed with the sudden realization. “I can leave!” You exclaimed loudly, arms spread wide. “I know!” Poe replied, smile almost as big as yours as he spread his arms likewise. You jumped into him, giggling wildly as you wrapped his arms tight around his neck. The pilot laughed in surprise as he caught you, hands pressed tight to your back as he lifted you off your feet. Your laughter echoed through the cargo bay, at first mingling with the noise of machinery- and then rising above it with tumultuously loud giggles. Your laughter shot into the crook of his neck and vibrated against his chest, telling him how truly relieved you were. Poe chuckled and exhaled shakily, unable to believe how hard you were laughing. You pulled away from his shoulder, still shaking slightly as you tried in vain to keep the giggles down. Your smile… stars. It was the smile. The smile from the pictures of when you were a kid, before everything was taken away from you. It was tight lipped and wide, teeth exposed for the world to see. There were small crinkles in the corners of your eyes, cheeks muscles squeezing in emotion. Your whole expression was almost too hard to look at, too bright for his eyes. It was beautiful. You looked down at him, laughter beginning to subside and be replaced by an unblinking look that Poe couldn’t quite place. His arms stayed tight against the middle of your back, keeping you high in the air as he gazed back up. He felt your fingers curl into the back of his hair as your eyes searched over his face, something unsaid clicking in your mind. “Poe-” “Excuse me.” A large Ithorian was standing to the side, holding a bulky datapad in his hand as a cargo droid stood behind him. “We need to get to that crate Commander.” You and Poe looked at him in astonishment, slowly realizing the the entire cargo crew had been watching your very public display of affection. They all avoided your gaze as you looked around, growing pinker by the second. Poe coughed awkwardly and dropped you, smoothing down the front his jumpsuit. “Yeah- of course. We were just… talking.” He explained, moving so the droid could lift the crate in it’s hard mechanical arms. The ithorian simply shrugged, deciding to ignore what he had just witnessed. He went back to checking information on the datapad and Poe turned back to you, arms stiff at his sides. You were still smiling. “Well, look who’s embarrassed now.” You teased, arms folded as he walked over to you. Poe set his jaw to keep from smiling, cocking an eyebrow up at you. “You’re just lucky I’m happy you’re coming.” The commander warned, as he began to walk out of the room with you. The way you were looking at him made him want to push you up against the wall and kiss you senseless, wiping the smug look off your face. It was such a tempting idea that he almost did it.

But then you faltered in your walk, eyebrows furrowing. Your mouth turned down in a crooked frown, drawing out Poe’s worry. “What is it?” “I… Kriff. I have to go get my stuff.” You answered. He looked at you quizzically as the two of your rounded a corner, coming up on the stairs to the barracks. What did you mean your stuff? Your hand hovered in uncertainty over the metal railing, wondering if it was even worth it to walk up the stairs. “Your stuff like…” Poe trailed off as he realized what you meant. “At your beach house?” “Chateau- but yes, there.” You replied decidedly as you walked up the stairs. “I don’t think I can leave without taking some things with me.” It was silent for a moment, the weight of what you were saying hanging heavy in the air. You reached the small circular door to your room, mouth set in a hard line. Going anywhere on the surface was a risk. Your entire family line had just been wiped out in a well thought out attack- so there was almost a definite assurance that the Umbaran revolutionaries had placed some kind of backup plan on your moon. And that was the better of the two risks. Kylo Ren was by the far the worst one. Stars, the thought of him catching you again after being missing for two days… Poe didn’t want to think about it. You were so close to being free, so close to not having to worry about your teacher. If you lost it now… No. The Commander wasn’t going to let that happen. You pressed the button on the wall and the door slid open, revealing the tossed covers of the small bed. You stopped next to the mattress, not looking at Poe. “I guess I should just take a speeder. What time are the transports leaving?” You asked, voice hollow. “As soon as we get everything loaded up. That should be a couple hours. We don’t have much to get out.” Poe replied hesitantly, gauging your mood. You had to know that you weren’t going to do this alone. You had to. “Okay. I shouldn’t take to long… if everything goes well.” You finished, pulling your loose hair up as your turned to look at him. The light of the lamp fell on the side of your face, casting your body in a soft glow. Poe could see yourself hardening again, closing up as you thought of all the ways your short trip could go wrong. He watched with a straight lipped frown, eyes darkening as you slipped further and farther away from him. “It shouldn’t take that long at all, because you’re going to be taking a ship.” Poe said firmly, and your eyes grew wide. “But- I can’t fly a ship.” Poe raised an eyebrow knowingly, pointing both fingers at you. You realized what he meant then- eyes widening before they rolled into the back of your head. “Poe, there’s no point in taking a ship.” “We’ll get there faster. Isn’t it important to be quick with this?” “It is, but-” You purse your lips, giving the commander a look. “ You already know how dangerous it is, don’t you?” “Figured it out as we walked here.” You sighed, knowing it was useless to argue with him- and he was right about the ship. A begrudging smile spread across your face as Poe took your hand, squeezing it reassuringly. He wanted to stay with you here in this moment, ignoring all of the problems that existed outside your door. That would have been what he preferred to do- but neither of you had the luxury. “Okay, so how about you get changed and get all of your stuff- than you meet me in the hanger? We can drop in, get your things, and be out before anyone knows we’re gone. How does that sound?” The pilot suggested, his arms traveling up to your shoulders and resting atop them tightly. “Okay. But let’s not get ourselves kidnapped this time, alright?” “That’s cold princess.” He feigned hurt as you smirked up at him, anxiety easing. “See you in a bit.” Poe bent down and pressed a quick kiss against your cheek, delighting in the sound of your small gasp. He pulled away with a crooked smile, and then turned out of the room. “You’re awful!” You called after as he left, trying to keep together the last shreds of indifference you possessed. The door behind Poe slid shut softly, his smile dropping as soon as you couldn’t see him. He wished he was being honest with you then, wished he was truly planning on leaving with you. But he couldn’t risk the chance of Kylo finding you again. Poe was going alone.

*****************************

The Resistance pilot hopped down from the x-wing, eyes squinting through the dark mist. BB-8 whistled down to him as the brisk wind pushed back his black hair, fine drops of condensation landing on his face. “I don’t know buddy. Hopefully not long. You need to stay up there and be ready to transmit a signal to the resistance- just in case. But there’s probably no one there.” Poe reassured his droid, patting the side of the ship. BB-8 beeped again as he began to walk across the stone path. The commander nodded, pulling out his flashlight and setting it to the lowest setting- if there were people here, he didn’t want to be waving around a high powered signal- pointing it down the landing pad. “I’ll be back.” Poe told his anxious droid as he disappeared into the mist, leaving BB-8 in the ship as they whistled nervously. The pilot made his way from the landing pad and began to walk across the white stone bridge. Wind whistled in his ears and tugged at his jumpsuit, threatening to pull him off the overpass and into the bottomless cavern below. What was it with the Umbaran system and giant abysses? Suddenly, a blast of light flashed silently in the corner of Poe’s eye, snapping his attention to the left. A purple streak of lightning ripped across the sky and illuminated the earth in a dark red light, sending his heart dropping to his toes. The pilot could see the path to the chateau, the garden, everything. Poe’s hand tightened around the flashlight as the light disappeared as fast as it had come, leaving him back in thick darkness. Thunder roared immediately after it, shaking the earth and wrapping him in the sound. The commander blinked unsteadily, looking back up the path. When did this planet have lightening? And why did it have to happen now? Ignoring the rumbling and flashes of light, Poe made his way to your house. The grounds were relatively quiet, save for the loud rushing of the beach below. The usually bright garden looked dark and wilted, beaten down by the wind and your absence. Another crack of lightning lit up the area- and then he saw it. The steps… they were covered in blood. The light faded again, but Poe was already shining his lights on the white stairs. There were two Umbaran guards cast across the steps, face down and bent out of shape. His throat tightened as the beam of light flickered over the armored bodies, seeing that they had been dead for a while. That meant someone had already been here- but who was it? The Revolutionaries? Or Kylo Ren? Before Poe had time to figure it out, he heard a loud thud echo from behind the front doors. A jab of icy fear shot through his chest and he dove to the side, behind the cover of the topiary. The door slammed open and out stepped Kylo Ren, light saber blazing. Poe thought all the colorful curses he knew, wishing he hadn’t cared about you enough to come here without you. Because of his hopeless adoration, he had just jumped headlong into a confrontation that would probably get him killed. Was he ever going to learn? From his hiding place, Poe watched as the Supreme Leader of the First Order stepped out onto the porch, looking around wildly. The pilot squeezed his lips shut, trying to stay calm as his heart beat rapidly against his ribs. Ren’s dark hair was unkempt and framed his pale face like a halo, only emphasizing the terrifyingly still expression of a man who thought he had heard something. His breathing was heavy as he looked around, nose flaring as he realized no one was there. But Poe knew this wasn’t going to last for long. The longer he stayed there on the ground, the more likely Kylo was going to find him. There was the possibility that him getting up would cause his capture, but he had gotten on out closer scraps then this. Probably. So Poe stood up-and ran. Kylo’s head snapped to the side as a cacophony of hurried footsteps rang in his ears, fading just as fast as they had started. His dark eyes widened in surprise and he cut down the topiary next to him, leaves smoking as the top half fell to the ground and revealed… nothing. But Ren had heard it- he knew someone was there. He jogged to the side of the porch and vaulted off the railing with one hand, landing solidly as another crack of lightning echoed behind him. Up ahead, Poe was running down the side of your house, no longer trying to be quiet. That wouldn’t help him now. His gaze flickered down the the beach, wondering for a split second if that was the right way to go. And then he remembered the door. The pilot’s eyes scanned the trees desperately, trying hard to find the exact spot where you had been that first night. Right when he thought there was no way to find the hidden door, he saw the blood. Your blood to be specific, old and faint- but still stained into the dark grass. Poe had to clamp his lips shut to stop from letting of a whoop of victory, and then he ran for the wall of the chateau. Kicking the bottom tile, Poe let out a sharp curse. Wrong tile. Wincing slightly, he pressed the next tile to the left, and the door slid open. Poe disappeared into it, just as Kylo came running around the corner. The door slid shut behind him, and the commander fell against the back of the door, letting a loud sigh of relief burst forth from his lips. He was safe. He had made it inside just in time. Well, that’s what he thought. If only Poe had known- -Kylo knew exactly where he was hiding.

**************************************

You stepped out of your room, eyebrows furrowed as the red warning lights above blared and flickered. Your first tightened against the door frame, finding the lights all too familiar. But before your mind froze up, a lone resistance member came running down the hallway. “What’s happening?” You exclaimed, stepping out into the hallway as they ran past you, checking the other rooms. “There’s a star destroyer in orbit! We have to go- now!” The woman told you and then turned, resuming her run through the hallway. You blinked in confusion, unable to process the words she had said. The First Order? How would they have- Your eyes widened, heart squeezing in fear. “Poe.” You shouldered your bag and turned in the opposite direction, clearing the stairs in one clean jump. Veering around the corner and running down another hallway, you came to find the command center. There were rebels running in and out of the room, pushing past and blocking you from getting into the center. You grunted and stood up on your toes, trying in vain to see what was going on. After a few more moments of being jostled- you decided you weren’t going to wait any longer. You pushed forward through the constant stream of people, setting your elbows at your side as you moved forward. And then you saw Leia. “General!” You yelled at her from the open door, still pushing past resistance members. Leia twisted her head and her eyes widened, watching as you tried to get to where she stood. There was something else that scared her- something in your eyes that made her uneasy. “F/n, what are you doing here?” Leia brought you in close, hands resting firmly on your shoulders. “Tell me you have some kind of explanation for that ship.” “I don’t.” You said reluctantly, looking around the room as her hands grew tighter. Poe had to be here- he wouldn’t have left you. The General noticed your roaming eyes and the realized what- or more accurately who- you were looking for. “Commander Dameron isn’t here. He went to work on his X-wing.” Leia tried to explain, but you shook your head at her, eyes squeezing shut as you cursed. “No- he’s not working on his ship… Kriff, he’s so stupid!” You exclaimed, covering your face in your hands. “What? What did Poe do?” General Organa asked, now actively concerned for the pilot. “He- stars! He went up to my chateau without me! We both knew it could be dangerous… Oh- of course he went alone.” You moved your hands from your cheeks to the side of your head, trying to fight off the headache that was threatening to emerge. “Stars, I should never have listened to him!” “F/n- F/n! I need you to calm down.” Leia told you firmly, hands moving from your shoulders to your upper arms. “Do you know if that’s why the First Order is here?” You furrowed your eyebrows, inhaling deeply as your tried to think. If the First Order had known the resistance was here, the base would have already been gone- you knew that. The very fact that they hadn’t already sent down troop transports was enough to convince you they didn’t know the rebels were here. So there was only one other reason why they would have been here. Kylo Ren was looking for you. “The First Order has no idea you’re down here. They would’ve already sent troops down.” You explained as you opened your eyes, heart lifting slightly as the distressed look on Leia’s face lifted. “But I’m worried about Poe. If he went where I think he did…” “Of course- go F/n. We can’t lose Dameron just yet.” You nodded as the General freed you from her grip, patting your cheek like a caring mother. The action made you stop for a moment, looking down at Leia warily. “But what about the Resistance? How are you guys going to get out of the system?” You asked, they very act of getting past the Star Destroyer sounding impossible in your mind. “You let us worry about that. We’ll get around the ship- and you get our Commander.” You turned from the General and headed for the door, knowing there was no more time to waste. “F/n?” You twisted to look at Leia Organa, standing near the hologram as she orchestrated the escape of her resistance. “May the force be with you.”

*********************************

You clicked the speeder off as you neared your old home, the lightning crackling as you sailed across the dark plane. It didn’t storm like this often on your moon, but when it did… it was loud and dark. On another day you would have preferred to sit outside and watch the flashes of light, but today wasn’t a normal day. When had been your last normal day anyways? You narrowed your eyes as your chateau came into view, just barely visible thanks to the purple lightning. But the dark fog was so dense you couldn’t see anything else- nothing but the thick blanket of water vapour. You frowned and stopped the small speeder, looking down the hill to where a bright white x-wing stood. And then you saw the stormtrooper. You let out a small gasp and crouched down, watching as the soldier poked around the hull of the ship. The chatter of his radio carried up to where you were waiting, and you picked up words like ‘x-wing’, ‘landing pad’, and ‘nowhere to be seen.’ So they hadn’t caught Poe yet. Figures. You breathed a small sigh of relief and your muscles relaxed, glad to have heard one bit of good news. Now that you had heard that your pilot was somewhat safe, it was time to find him. You jumped into the foggy air, silent as you sailed down upon the storm trooper below. Your feet slammed down on their shoulders and the soldier crumpled, grunting under your rapidly moving wait. You rolled across the stones and then turned back, not giving the storm trooper a chance as you grabbed his blaster and rammed the butt of it into their forehead. Leaping back up and pressing your back into the landing gear, you waited to see if any other troopers would could running at your through the mist. You gripped the blaster close to your chest, well aware of the lightsaber hanging from the belt of your brown pants. Using the lightsaber on a trooper would’ve been cruel; besides, the blade would just give off your position in the dark mist. The last thing you wanted to be now was seen. Suddenly, loud beeping rattled through the night. You jumped and and scrambled from under the x-wing, looking up to see Poe’s little orange droid. “BB-8! Have you been up there the whole time?” Your mouth dropped as you looked up in surprise. The robot whistled and chittered, head swiveling to where you chateau was. “It’ll be okay. I’m going to get him,” you assured. “Just stay out of sight.” The droid whistled warily as you walked away, unhappy that this was the second person they had to watch disappear into the fog. You were just as unhappy. Walking through the mist put your nerves on end, unable to judge what was coming at you without a flashlight. Each time the thunder cracked it sent a deep vibrations through your bones, making you clench the blaster harder. Your eyes flickered through the dark mist, and you couldn’t help but wish you could sense things- that or use your lightsaber. Both options were sadly out of your reach. Soon, your walk across the wide bridge became complacent, lulled into security as no one appeared to try and stop you. The blaster lowered as you walked, becoming less and less careful as you did. And then you saw the lights. Another storm trooper was barking something into his radio, shining his large flashlight across the bridge. You sucked in a breath, deciding to do the same thing you did with the last trooper. Hopping up onto the thick stone wall of the bridge, you scampered quietly through the fog until you were right over the soldier. You slipped down the wall silently, crouching low as your boot clad feet hit the ground. The trooper twitched like he had heard you and you jolted, reaching out with the force in a jerk reaction you hadn’t planned. The gun flew from their armored hands and back up to their helmet, cracking them across the face. You surged forward and grabbed the stumbling trooper from behind, and then fell backward, crushing his head against the hard stones. The trooper went slack in your grip and you shoved them off of you. It would have been easier to have just thrown the soldier off the bridge, but you couldn’t help but think about Finn. He had been a baby when he was taken from his family, and was forced to become a storm trooper. These soldiers could have been just like him, so you didn’t have the heart to just chuck them off the bridge. You stood up again, breathing in the mist as you gathered yourself together. So far, it was going well. But you had spoken too soon. A rappent flurry of footsteps rose in the air and you turned and stared straight ahead of you, gun ready. You waited as the footsteps grew louder…

…and then you never saw anything. There was no flashlight, nothing. The gun went slack in your grip, pointing back towards the ground. You could’ve sworn you had heard- A large shape came sprinting out of the mist two feet ahead, barreling straight into you. Slamming into the ground, you let out a pained groan as you scrambled to grab hold of the soldier who had bowled you over. Your hands went for the torso and found- fabric. “F/n?!” Your eyes snapped open as warm air hissed over your face. Your fingers curled hard against the dark synth fabric of a jumpsuit as you realized who was laying on top of you. “Poe!” You whispered urgently as he looked down at you, propping himself up on his hands. “What are you doing here?” The two of you asked in unison, both equally surprised in finding the other. You closed your mouth and looked up at the pilot with a pained expression. Poe gazed back with large, urgent eyes, beginning to scramble away from on top of you. He reached out to pull you up, outstretched hand inches away from yours. “We’ve have to get out of here now.” You nodded quickly and decided to yell at Poe later. Reaching out to grab his hand, your fingers brushed his palm- just as he slipped out of reach. Lightning boomed as the pilot flew backward across the bridge, stopping abruptly in front of Kylo Ren’s outstretched glove. His fingers shook millimeters away from Poe’s back, and the commander let out a gasp of pain like the hand had ripped through him. “No-” You scrambled up as another stream of lightning lit up the fog, deathly silent as the thunder lagged behind. Kylo looked past the struggling resistance leader, seeing your dark form pushing to your feet. His eyes widened, and then the fog shot off the bridge, pushed by a sudden burst of the force. The condensation ripped past your legs and billowed through your hair, causing goosebumps to rise across your arms- and then it was gone. You pushed through the receding fog, eyelashes fluttering as you tried desperately to keep out the dense vapor. “You… I can’t-” The Supreme Leaders mouth dropped open wide, eyebrows pinching together dangerously. He had finally found you. He had been looking for two days, terrified that what the Revolutionaries had claimed was true. And now- he knew differently. It was much worse then you being dead. So much worse.

Kylo had thought you had been acting strangely for the past month- but he never thought anything like this was the reason for your behavior. His arm shook as he held Poe in place, concentration threatening to break as his understanding of you slipped from his grip. Ren’s eyes darted from the commander and back to you, the pieces starting to click together as fast as the lightning that surrounded the bridge. You kept your mouth drawn in a sharp, straight line, knowing no matter how hard you denied it- the game was over. Poe struggled against Kylo’s grip, straining to get a good look at you. It was killing you to see him like this, a cold, sick feeling turning in your chest as you watched. “F/n- get out of here!” Poe gasped through his clenched teeth and immediately grunted in pain as he snapped backwards, pinned between Kylo’s elbow and his chest. You let out a gasp of surprise and surged forward, no longer caring about your teachers feelings. Kylo ignited his lightsaber and stopped you in your tracks, holding the blade dangerously close to the pilots face. “How long have you been lying to me?” He asked, voice trembling in the effort to keep his anger in control. “Has it been just this last month? Or have you always been a traitor?” Your hands tightened into hard fists, tearing your eyes away from Poe’s carefully. “I’ve never been a traitor. I was never apart of the First Order.” You hissed icily, watching as Ren’s expression grew father and father from being put together. “But you- I thought we were… “You were wrong Kylo. Anything you thought we were- that was all your own feelings. Not once did I ever imply that I had feelings for you!” You exclaimed, voice growing louder over the rumbling thunder. Poe’s eyes widened in shock as he looked back at Kylo, disgust and realization dawning on his face. “You thought that she liked you?-” The pilot grunted in pain as his head was flipped back around, shoved towards the ground. Your heart lept into your throat, threatening to cave in your composure. But you couldn’t let Kylo know you cared. It wasn’t an option. Instead your narrowed your eyes, watching as Ren tore his gaze from the pilot and up to you as he shook. “You’re a liar.” Kylo stated, his overmontonus voice brimming with barely concealed anger. You kept your lips shut, refusing to give him the reaction he wanted. He wanted you to scream and argue that you weren’t a traitor, that you had never lied to him. But you knew that wasn’t true. The entire relationship had been a lie. When you didn’t reply, Kylo shifted in his stance as he gathered himself, forcing his face to look angrier. “You’re never going to make it parading around as some kind of resistance hero! Try as hard as you want; it is never going to work out the way you wish. You’re a killer remember? Nounus? The Umbarans? My men?…Face it- you’re a monster.” Kylo hissed, your jaw setting defiantly. “Don’t you understand what I’m saying? There’s no other hope for you! I’m the only one who understands you- the only one who will never leave.” The Supreme Leader brought the lightsaber closer to Poe’s neck as he yelled, using the pilot as emphasis. Your breath caught in your throat, hands rising out in front of you, wishing you could reach out and rip the weapon from your masters hands. Kylo watched you hungrily, waiting for you to fold, to break down, to bend to his will. You were lucky that he was letting you live, much less explain yourself. But then you straightened, hair and white shirt blowing in the wind. Your eyes leveled with the Knight of Ren, eyebrows dangerously low as purple lightning crackled behind you. “I don’t care what you say to me. Everything you try to say- it won’t stop me.” You seethed, eyes spitting with a fire Kylo had never seen. “There’s nothing you can threaten me with anymore. You’re done controlling me.” Ren flinched as you stepped forward, taken aback as you pressed closer. The way you were glaring reminded him of someone.

Stars, you reminded him of Rey.

You both had that same fire in your eyes, the same brutal gaze that would stop most in their tracks. The only difference was that yours had been held back for most of your life- and now you didn’t care. You and the scavenger had one other thing in common. Both of you were trying to rip out his heart. Rey had already succeeded, so Kylo decided that he couldn’t let you get away. Never again. The Supreme Leader lifted his head, staring at you from under his eyelashes. Your eyes widened, surprised by the sudden clarity in your teachers face. You faltered backwards as he straightened, towering to his full height with Poe clenched in his arm. “But I do have something to use against you- don’t I?” You froze, veins filing with cold, paralyzing fear. Eyesight flickering down to Poe, you saw a flash of terror glimmer in his eyes, which quickly disappeared as he met your gaze. He shook his head at you, mouth set in a tight line. You weren’t going to do anything- he wasn’t going to let you bend because of him. “Let him go.” The words slipped out before you could stop them and Poe squeezed his eyes shut, wishing you hadn’t said it. Kylo raised an eyebrow at you, amazed you had bent so easily. There was a cruel glint in his eyes as his tight lips formed into a slight, heart stopping smirk. “Why should I? What’s stopping me from killing him right now?” Ren raised his saber closer to the pilots neck, delighting as stray sparks flashed across the exposed skin. “You know I’ll do it. I’m not afraid of killing a man like this.” Your hands squeezed at your sides, brain racing as you tried desperately to think a way out of this. There had to be a loophole, some kind of crazy trick to get Poe as far away from Kylo as possible.

You blinked furiously, hand reaching back hesitantly towards your lightsaber. Would you even be fast enough to stop him? You were a few feet away, too far to reach him quick enough. That left you with the force- and you didn’t even think that would work. “Look, you seem confused- so I’ll spell out your options for you.” The Supreme Leader sneered, holding Poe straight out in front of him, an arm gripping his shoulder and his lightsaber, as the other reached back into his large black jacket. “You can let your precious commander die, and go free as someone like you can. Or… you can wear this.” Kylo extended his other hand, displaying a black headpiece as a clap of lightning lit up the sky. All three of you stared at the jewelry, and for the first time, you could sense something. That crown… there was something wrong with it. “What is that?” You asked- even though you already knew-, trying in vain to keep your voice from trembling. “Insurance.” Ren answered simply, holding it out to you like a peace-offering. “Now that you have no choice, I might as well tell you what it does. I found an incantation in the ruins of an old sith temple- one that could put a single individual under your complete control.” Your eyes widened as you exhaled, a shiver running down your spine. You eyed the dark head piece, heart beginning to beat rapidly. Poe seemed to have realized the same thing as you did, because he had begun to struggle against Kylo’s hard grip. “No! F/n- don’t you dare! It’s not worth it- it’s not-” The pilot grunted in anger and pain as Ren clenched his hand, squeezing his captor’s heart with the force. “Stop! Kylo, please- please!” You begged, knees liquefying as you reached out, wishing you could catch Poe’s face in your hands. You were faced with an impossible choice; watch him kill the one person you had left, or become his for the rest of your life. Eyes beginning to well with tears, you stood helplessly as you felt your heart ripping in two. “F/n, he win’s either way! You can’t let him trap you again- if he has complete control… F/n it won’t end well for any of us! I’m just one person!” Poe pleaded through gritted teeth, knowing what it would happen to you if you took the crown. You shook your head, tears beginning to spill over your cheeks in the red light of the saber. “You’re the only one I have left!” You exclaimed, letting out a dry sob and pressing your lips together as the confession lingered in the air. Poe shook his head as he watched your tears, refusing to let you make the choice. Kylo looked between the two of you, growing more and more angry as he waited. “You’re trying my patience. Make your choice!” He spat, readying the lightsaber close to Poe’s neck. “F/n. Look at me.” The pilot pleaded, his voice sounding far away as you kept your eyes from his face. “Hey- don’t… F/n! F/n, don’t do it! Stars! Don’t you.. F/n!” Poe yelled, his throat burning like he had just downed six shots. You ignored the desperate pleas, walking forward until your fingers wrapped hard against the black metal. “Don’t…” The commander breathed against your cheek, leaning forward as you backed away. The only thing stopping him from following you was the lightsaber pressing into his neck, and even that almost wasn’t enough. You gripped the headpiece in your hands, Kylo’s eyes following you as you walked backwards. He was so close to having someone, someone who would never leave. The anticipation was building in his chest, hand tightening around his weapon. The lightsaber hissed as it pressed into the collar of Poe’s jacket, smoke beginning to curl into the air. Smelling the abrupt smoke, your gaze snapped up, catching Poe’s frantic eyes. You blinked slowly, wishing you could wipe that look off his face. But now it was too late. “I…” You faltered, your top teeth biting down into your lips so hard they drew blood. No matter how much you wanted to say it… you couldn’t. “Thank you, Poe.” you whispered. Kylo’s grip on the pilot slackened as you reached up, slipping the black circlet over your forehead. That’s when everything went dark. You gasped as cold bloomed from the center of your forehead, clouding your vision and dulling your hearing. Stumbling forward, you felt your limbs going numb. Stars- you couldn’t feel anything. Ren’s eyes widened and he threw Poe to the ground, stepping over him to get to you. Your stick stiff body trembled in place, the hard wind threatening to push you over. Kylo grabbed your upper arms roughly, pulling you up to look at him. Your eyes were round and fogged over, milky with an unnatural haze. You looked up at him like he wasn’t even there… like you weren’t there. Kylo opened his mouth to say your name- and then a shot of blaster fire rang out- splitting the crown straight in half. Poe lowered his gun, the barrel still smoking. You inhaled deeply and pushed forward, sending Kylo stumbling away from you. Gasping and coughing, your hands scrambled to rip off the remains of the crown, throwing the burning pieces to the ground. Blinking wildly, the cloudy mist was gone, leaving you confused- and very, very angry. Poe raised up on his elbows and smiled wide as you patted your face and body- awestruck you were still around. Kylo trembled as he looked at you, to the crown, and then back to Poe. The little composure he had kept a hold on was gone- replaced by animalistic fury. Ren roared in frustration and turned fully towards Poe, forcing him straight off the bridge. “No!” You yelped and dove across the bridge, slamming hard against the side wall. You reached your left arm out so hard you felt it pop, catching Poe with the force in the nick of time. The pilot looked up at you, hair and eyes wild. You breathed heavily against the stone wall, leftover tears slipping over the bridge of your nose and down to where he hovered. The two of you made eye contact, not verbally speaking- but it wasn’t needed. Poe’s slight smile was crooked and brimming with relief, both for the fact that he was alive and you were still very much yourself. You simply looked at him with tense eyebrows and a less happy expression that read, ‘I’m glad you’re proud of yourself, but this isn’t over.’ Loud steps sounded to your right and you tightened your grip on the commander. “Let. Him. Go.” Kylo said from behind you, the hum of his lightsaber mingling with his voice. “No.” You set your mouth in a sharp, determined frown, keeping your eyes on Poe. You couldn’t see what was going on behind you- but the pilot could. Kylo stood behind you with his lightsaber level, dangerously close to your back. You were coming with him no matter what- even if he had to chop off a few limbs in the process. The commander’s eyes widened to the size of saucers, his hands searching for his gun… which was still on the bridge. He looked back up at you, eyebrows set low. “Drop me.” “No.” “Drop me!” “No!” you yelled back, expression wild. “I won’t do it!” “Then I guess I’ll do it for you.” Kylo sneered- and then drove his spitting lightsaber deep into your shoulder. You screamed in pain, the sound ripping through Poe’s heart like a sharp bullet of blaster fire. The pilot dropped a couple feet, for a moment completely unsupported as you lost your grip. You cried out and reached farther, again catching the commander. Kylo seethed as he watched you, your arm sizzling softly as you struggled. “Let me go!!” Poe exclaimed, trying desperately to get you to listen to him. The next time Ren hurt you… it might not be as survivable. You shook your head, pressing your finger nails into your thumb. Losing him- you couldn’t… you couldn’t do it. Poe saw it in your expression, the deep stubbornness that he knew was never going away. Unfortunately, Kylo knew that too. “Fine.” The Supreme Leader hefted his lightsaber and then stabbed you hard in the side, twisting. A guttural bellow ripped open your clenched teeth and you arched backwards, blinding pain streaking up your side. That’s when you realized. Poe was gone.

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