#guys i'm wheezing this is so fucking funny

[tiddiesoutwhenthetisout]

ah yes, the anniversary draws nearer for that one time i triggered an old injury during adult time

[mclqren]

THE LECLERC CHRONICLES ★ F1 GRID

PAIRING ✦ charles leclerc x fem!younger sister!reader ; f1 grid x fem!leclerc!reader

SUMMARY ✦ you're the younger sister of charles leclerc, and your relationship with the rest of the f1 grid has the internet going crazy [ SMAU ]

WARNINGS ✦ cursing

REQUESTED ✦ here!

NOTES ✦ reader is 22 years old, and the youngest leclerc sibling. this one is a bit shorter than my other smaus, sorry for that! the fc i've used is lexi jayde, but feel free to picture whoever you want! my requests are open so feel free to leave a request :)

SERIES ✦ the leclerc chronicles masterlist ; next part

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liked by charles_leclerc, landonorris, and 776,319 others

yourusername it's tough work being the hottest leclerc 🤷‍♀️

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user1 UGH SHE'S SO PERFECT

user2 my fav leclerc sibling!!

charles_leclerc the caption 🤔🤔

yourusername am i lying though?? 😘

arthur_leclerc i think you are!

yourusername i think it's just you (& charles) who think that!

landonorris so what's the crown for then?

yourusername because im a queen. i need no other reason 😊👑

landonorris self proclaimed queen or-?

yourusername im queen of the grid, now bow down, bitch!

alex_albon you don't even drive-???

yourusername stop it rn or i'll tell charles to ram into both of you on the track 😊❤️❤️

georgerussell who are the flowers from 🤨🤨

yourusername my man, who else?

georgerussell okay be honest now y/n...who are they from.

yourusername and if i told you ur girlfriend then what 🤷‍♀️

carmenmmundt only woman i need 😘😘

georgerussell WOAHHH SLOW YOUR ROLL GUYS

carlossainz55 loving the sunglasses, y/n! 😎😎

yourusername awww you type like such a dad but ur forgiven bc ur my fav ferrari driver 💗

charles_leclerc helloo i'm your older brother??

yourusername hey, i'm still allowed to have my favorites!

liked by charles_leclerc, maxverstappen1, and 801,211 others

yourusername bahrain weekend woohooo!! TEAM LECLERC (third slide is for motivation ❤️)

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user3 THE THIRD SLIDE IM WHEEZING

user4 SHE'S SO FUCKING FUNNY

charles_leclerc the last slide??? im telling maman ☹️

maxverstappen1 maybe you can beat me with that motivation!

yourusername he speaks the truth charlie soz 🤷‍♀️ AND PLS DONT TELL MAMAN IM SORRY

francisca.cgomes ur sooo 😍😍

yourusername leave pierre for me rn. im richer i swear

pierregasly huh?

yourusername see, not a thought behind those eyes! run away w me bbg 😘

francisca.cgomes okay you've convinced me, give me ten minutes x

yourusername HAAA GOT UR GIRL GASLY

landonorris the coat in bahrain weather??

oscarpiastri how is she surviving??

yourusername a girl does what a girl has to do 🤷‍♀️ maybe you should both take fashion tips from me anyway xx

charles_leclerc you aren't being rude are you y/n?!

yourusername noooo!! im offering friendly advice 😊

lance_stroll i wonder who bought you the first shirt...🤨

yourusername my rich nepo baby friend, thanks again boo 😘

lance_stroll wowww you're literally a nepo baby sister idk what ur on about

yourusername im actually famous for my incredible looks & witty humor, not my fugly brothers

charles_leclerc why are you so rude to us ☹️

yourusername it comes from a place of love 💗

logansargeant i wonder whose sunglasses you're wearing?!

yourusername idk i just found them!!

yourusername

( caption one: the third wheel lifestyle is NOTTT for the weak 😔 + tags | caption two: yeah i took this photo asw. can they stop being so fucking happy please it's making me depressed 😔 )

liked by charles_leclerc, pierregasly, and 781,221 others

tagged francisca.cgomes

yourusername who needs a man when you have kika 😘 ( ps no clue who the other people in the last pic were, but whatevs )

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user5 the y/n lifestyle is something i needddd

user6 SO REAL FOR THIS

user7 outfitsss!! 😍

francisca.cgomes love you 😘

yourusername LOVE YOU MORE 💗💗

landonorris what on earth were you drinking

yourusername idk but it was fizzy and orangey and it was yum

alex_albon orangey isn't a word ❌

yourusername ACTUALLY ☝️ it is. sooo idk what ur on about mate

pierregasly are you even of age to be drinking

yourusername IM THE SAME AGE AS UR GF??? ur just jelly she prefers me to you

pierregasly ☹️☹️

logansargeant the winnie the pooh shirt 🔥

yourusername do americans even know winnie the pooh...

logansargeant clearly??

charles_leclerc how much did you have to drink

yourusername none of ur concern brother!

liked by yourusername, georgerussell63, and 1,002,665 others

tagged yourusername

landonorris y/n's signature pose: hands under the chin (she forced me to post this please come save me guys)

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user8 SHE'S SOOO ICONIC

user9 CAPTION LOOLLL LOVE Y/N

yourusername live laugh love me!!

alex_albon is it now...

yourusername SHUT UP ALBONNN IT IS

yourusername guys the caption is a liee i swear he just loves me 💗

landonorris urm who told you that mate

yourusername shut up or i'll send you back to the basement 😁 no one cares enough to save you

georgerussell63 carmen's looking over my shoulder and says y/n's a cutie

yourusername TELL CARMEN I LOVE HER AND TELL HER TO COME OVER TONIGHT 😘😘

pierregasly are you just after everyone's girlfriend then?

yourusername yup! single life = hoe life, @/alex_albon lily's next 😘

liked by charles_leclerc, oscarpiastri, and 800,219 others

yourusername hey alexa, play art deco by lana del rey ( 📸 @/arthur_leclerc )

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user10 SHE LISTENS TO LANA?

user11 SHE'S ONE OF US FR

user12 the dress wooowwww

charles_leclerc when did you take these 🤨

yourusername don't worry about it 💗

arthur_leclerc we had tons of fun without you ❤️❤️

yourusername ARTHUR DON'T BE MEAN (it's true)

charles_leclerc ☹️☹️☹️

lilymhe 😍😍

yourusername LOVE YOU LILS 💗

yourusername but also ops on leaving alex for me...just for research purposes

alex_albon Y/N STOP IT SHE'S MY GF

yourusername leave me alone im single and sad :(

lance_stroll did i not buy you that dress for christmas

yourusername yes you did!! thanks again lance it was a LOVELY investment 😘

yourusername

( caption one: guess where i am!! 🇦🇺 | caption two: yeah yeah the flag gave it away whatever look at my new best friends 🦒 )

liked by charles_leclerc, landonorris, and 833,331 others

yourusername aussie aussie aussie... (australians finish the chant)

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user13 she's so perfect

user14 wait is she charles' sister??

user15 yup!! she's the youngest of the leclerc siblings

oscarpiastri coming from an australian...no 🧡

yourusername lucky for me ur not the only australian i know...so!

danielricciardo OI OI OI 🇦🇺🇦🇺

yourusername @/oscarpiastri LOOLLLL POINT MADE

oscarpiastri DANIEL WE'RE MEANT TO BE AUSSIE BUDDIES WHY WOULD YOU BETRAY ME

danielricciardo THE CHANT WAS CALLING TO ME I CANT HELP IT

charles_leclerc FORZA FERRARI

carlossainz55 ❤️❤️❤️

yourusername idk red's not really my color...might have to step into the mclaren paddock next time to see if orange suits me better

charles_leclerc as my sister you can't fraternise with the enemy

yourusername yeah but y/n leclerc does whatever she pleases and right now she wants to wear an orange jacket 🤷‍♀️

landonorris *papaya, not orange

yourusername yeah yeah pls give me a vip paddock pass for japan thank you lan 😘🫶

georgerussell63 the first picture??

yourusername i dropped my ice cream and my WONDERFUL brother decided to capture the moment instead of comforting me ☹️

charles_leclerc it was so funny you just had to be there

liked by charles_leclerc, carlossainz55, and 872,339 others

tagged charles_leclerc, carlossainz55

yourusername FERRARI 1-2 I KNOW THAT'S RIGHTTT!! PROUD OF MY BROTHER(S) (and little lando norris congrats on 3rd 😘)

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user16 THE CAPTIONNN BROTHERS IM CRYING

user17 the way she said in a podcast once that carlos being in her life was like having ANOTHER older brother makes me cry its so sweet

user18 FERRARI IS MY RED FLAG YESSS 🚩🚩

charles_leclerc rare post of you being proud of me?

yourusername it's mainly for carlos...but i'm proud of you too i guess!

charles_leclerc but i'm your brother??

yourusername idk ur both my brothers in my eyes 💗💗

carlossainz55 te amo y/n! ❤️

logansargeant embracing your inner cowboy, i see! very american of you 🤠

yourusername RAHHH WHAT IS A KILOMETRE 🦅🦅🦅

lance_stroll nurse, she got out again

yourusername SHUT UP LANCELOT ur just jealous that i prefer america to canada!! ❤️

landonorris thanks for the caption y/n, but are you not looking for a way out of the ferrari paddock...🤨🤨

yourusername unfortunately mr norris i have to be a supportive big sister on days like today, where my dear brother has done an exceptional job at racing. i hope you understand, and i offer you my deepest condolences ❤️

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might make a p2 to this idk :)

[pedge-page]

Joel Dealing with Preggo Wife: Save Me From Your Brother, Tommy!

Summary: you call Tommy to save you from your husband's wrath...

- - - -

Maria just finished making popcorn, tossing one towards the couch where Tommy expertly managed to catch it in his mouth. She sits down next to him as he wraps his arm over her shoulder. They settle in together for a lovely, quiet, romantic evening watching TV when--

Her phone starts buzzing.

Tommy grasps it next to him and checks the ID. It's you.

Maria shrugs and let's him answer.

"Yello?"

Your frantic, desperate, hushed voice carries over the speaker: "Tommy? TOMMY! You have to help me..."

Tommy sits upright. Maria pauses the TV, wondering why her boyfriend has stiffened. "What is it. What's wrong? Are you ok?" Chills run down his spine. He's never heard you like this.

You sniffle, holding the receiver closer to your lips. Your fast, panicked breaths are shaken. "He's... he won't let me go. Please Tommy you have to get me out of here..."

Tommy puts it on speaker, looking at Maria, fear creeping into both of their souls. "Who? Where are you? Where's Joel?"

"Its... its Joel!" You squeak. They can hear more shuffling, like you're crouched somewhere small and enclosed. "I'm home. I'm hiding from him... I'm in the bathroom..."

Tommy's heart is escalating. He knows Joel. There's never been a single fiber inside that guy that could give way he could cause someone such fear. Let alone his own wife. Who he loves to death. Who he's obsessed with. Something must be horribly wrong for you to call so scared...

"What is he doing? Where's Sarah?"

"She's sleeping...she's ok...she's spared from him... from his..."

Suddenly, they can hear Joels voice calling your name distantly from another room. You audibly gulp. "Tommy, he's gonna make me--!"

"Make you what!?"

"Hes calling for me... i have to... he's gonna come looking," you whisper desperately. You turn on the face time screen, and Tommy can see you clearly. You're hiding in the bathroom, the lights off. Your bedroom door connecting to the bathroom is closed, but there's a bright light shining underneath, and Joel's voice calling for you again.

You open the door, and Tommy and Mariah hold their breaths....

Only to see Joel is lying in bed casually, his waist tucked into the covers and back resting against the headset. When he sees you, he smiles and waves. "Baby! I paused it for you, so you don't miss anything." He pats the bed next to him, opening the sheets for your invitation. His toes swish under the sheets, unable to contain his giddiness and joy. Even Spoon, who is lying on the bed, has her paws over her ears, face tucked into the sheets as if she is being subjected to the torture you're referring to.

Joel doesn't seem threatening or menacing or... really anything out of the ordinary that should make you as upset as you are, so what the...?

"Joel...please...." you plea, near tears.

"What? It's the Hallmark Christmas in July marathon!" He cheers excitedly.

Tommy and Maria look at one another and then burst into laughter.

You cry out, stammering your feet like a kid having to finish homework before play time. "Tommy, he's making me watch these fucking Hallmark movies!!! THERE ARE SO MANY. IT NEVER ENDS. Get me out of here!!

Maria is laying fully back on the sofa, nearly capsizing on the edge from her giggles. Tommy is trying to hold her up with his leg, but his hand is clutched over his heart, purple in the face from not being able to breathe from how hard he's equally laughing.

"Tommy, its not funny!"

"You on the phone with Tommy?" Joel asks curiously.

Finally Tommy responds, albeit wheezing through his words. "I didnt know Joel liked Halmark movies..!"

Joel looks at you with a frown. "You said you wouldn't tell anybody..." He says softly, a mixture of embarrassment and betrayal.

"Oh Tommy counts as someone?" Tommy stops laughinh for a moment, now deciding against helping you.

You slouch your shoulder and whimper poutily, trudging your body towards him. "Do we HAVE to?"

Joel rolls his jaw. "If only i did things for YOU, like a loyal, devoted husband, willing to do ANYTHING for his wifes happiness," he growls sternly.

You KNOW hes the best, and even now pregnant with his second baby, and going through the torture of being... well, you in this state. He really doesn't ask for much. But this specifically is payback for earlier today when you made him drive you 2 hours for your favorite bubble tea, only to find it closed because you didn't Google their week schedule beforehand. And then made him drive 2 hours back to your second favorite place, only to find they ran out of boba for the day. To which Joel started lecturing to the poor girl about how a boba tea place can be open and not have any boba. He was already exhausted, angry, and frustrated, and definitely deserved a reward for having to chauffer you around.

But THIS?

"Okay so this isn't an emergency. This is just the consequences of your actions," Maria explains. She always knew you were a dramatic bitch but this really took the cake.

"I dont deserve this torture! Tommy, he's your DNA!"

Tommy shrugs. "And you married him. Have fun!" Tommy and Maria wave through the screen before ending the call.

Your lower lip trembles as you stare at the black screen. You only chance to get out of here, gone.

You look up to Joel, who slaps your empty spot on the bed twice, very firmly, very threateningly. His jawbone flexes. You dragged him around all day, and now ratted out his guilty pleasure, something you SWORE you wouldn't tell anyone. You earned this punishment.

"Still got Christmas House, Christmas on Cherry Lane, and 12 Dates of Christmas! Now.... Come. Here."

You cry but hang you head low, dragging your feet to put up with the fifth day in a row of cheesy Hallmark Christmas movies in July.

- - - -

@jeewrites @harriedandharassed @lola8888673 @its-nebuleuse @zliteraturehoe @merz-8 @joeldjarin @pascalscoffin @pedroshotwifey @ghostslillady @innerpersonunknown @missladym1981 @mrsoharaxx @survivingandenduring @milla-frenchy @cockykookiee @fairytale07 @daddy-din @pedropascalsbbg @spookyxsam @somehopeatlast @millercontracting @pedrostories @mishala005 @theoraekenslover @animez96 @not-a-unique-snowflake-blog @puduvallee @cassiecasluciluce @loohoop @himboelover @callsignwidow @wintersquirrel @fluffygoffpanda @picketniffler @bbyanarchist

[tinydefector]

Hello, based entirely off the Current Results (just as a funny) I had the thought of both Megatron AND Arcee each individually mating with Reader (who'd be a carrier) and Rodimus later is like "👀👀 Hm. You guys notice how the softie looks..... Preggers?" and just.

Megatron: *prideful huff* Of course they do, thats MY work-

Arcee, at the same time: I have been told I'm quite Virile-

Megatron: 👁👁

Arcee: 👁👁

Rodimus: 👀 *sips merformer underwater tea dont ask* Hmmmm.

Megatron: Why do you think its YOU??? I'm a stud. A bull. Its totally mine.

Arcee: Have you SEEN me??? I can pull.

Megatron: fair point. Gotta give you that one.

Arcee: 😌✨️💅

I'm fucking Wheezing.

I actually have half the heart to make it Arcee or Windblade for that fact I think it would be very funny them both looking rather smug at the boys with Mc with teo little pups that are their colours.

Just the boys:

Bluestreak slamming his fist on the rock: How Why!, I was the first one with them how come it wasn't me.

Rodimus: :0 y'all actually mated the Walker!!, why wasn't I invited!?!?

Seeker trine: a mix of Amused, Horrified and ecstatic over one of the pups having wings.

Optimus: why, why would you both... why didn't I

Megatron: *stunned speechless*.... I mating them next.

Sideswipe and Sunstreaker looking at each other: you doubled didn't you two?

Arcee and Windblade: you boys didn't want to listen, so we took things into our own hands.

[f14fun]

lay all your love on me - op81 (C2)

synopsis: in which oscar piastri and a university student begging for her euro summer vacation collide in a steamy, abba-inspired romance

prose (6.1K words) ✮ ⋆ ˚｡𖦹 ⋆｡°✩ profile | masterlist | series index ⋆.˚✮🎧✮˚.⋆

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02: Love, Sweat, and Secondhand Embarrassment

"Clemmy I swear I wanted to die that entire time. Whoever I offended in an alternate universe I am so so sorry, I truly believe karma is real now," I lamented, voice weak.

Burying my head in my pillow, I could finally appreciate the cool blast of AC (well, it was a little bit of air conditioning but a little is better than nothing) I scratched my right leg that was hoisted up onto the blue duvet cover. If not for the horrible comedic timing of everything, in that moment, I might have said that I was enjoying myself.

On the other line of the phone, thousands of miles away, it was a completely different story.

"What the fuck," Clementine could barely muster out because she was laughing so hard.

"I still don't think any part of this story is funny, Clem," I roll my eyes and trail off.

"But it is! You genuinely should consider a career in stand-up comedy. If you recounted all of this in front of a paying live audience, I'm just saying it could make you a millionaire overnight," Clementine wheezed.

"Oh, shut up, bitch," I retorted, trying to suppress a smile despite my mortification.

"You know it's true though!" Her girlish giggles rang through my room. I could see her face through the screen and it looked like visible tears were streaming down her face from how funny she found this to be.

"I am completely and utterly humiliated. There is no way I can go downstairs and face everyone right now," I whined. It was true, as twenty minutes ago, mid-Facetime with Clementine, I heard the door to the foyer open and heard a lot of new noises.

New people. The neighbors. The rest of the Australians.

Crikey, mate.

There was no way I could face them. And since Oscar was probably their son (he looked way too young to be a father) he had probably already told them about the wretched and humiliating mishap.

"Seriously, Clemmy, you don’t get it," I said, trying to keep the frustration out of my voice but failing miserably. "This is not just some embarrassing story. This is my life, and I have to face these people now."

Clementine’s laughter finally started to subside, and she took a deep breath. "Okay, okay, I get it. But you have to admit, this is a once-in-a-lifetime kind of disaster. You can’t just ignore it. It’s like the universe is telling you to embrace the chaos."

I sighed, feeling a bit more grounded with her calming tone. "Yeah, well, I’m not exactly feeling the universe’s love right now. I feel like I’ve been dropped into some kind of sitcom. And what if they think I’m a total klutz? I can’t even begin to imagine how Oscar must’ve described me."

"It'll be fine. You are a pro at handling horrible situations. I mean, I can really only think that you have had more bad experiences with guys than good ones!" Clem tried to reassure me.

"Wow, thanks," I deadpanned. "Way to make a girl feel special."

Clementine's voice was full of playful sympathy. "Hey, I’m just saying, you’ve survived everything life’s thrown at you so far. Besides, look at it this way: if they’re judging you based on this one incident, they’re missing out on getting to know the amazing person you are."

"Yeah, because nothing says 'amazing' like face-planting into a pile of shampoo and knocking over a bunch of cleaning supplies," I said, sarcasm dripping from my tone.

Clementine laughed. "Exactly! And let’s be honest, if they do judge you for this, they’re definitely not worth your time. Besides, Oscar might even think you’re charming in a clumsy, endearing kind of way. You never know."

"You should really consider a career in therapy. If I lay here and close my eyes for a bit and sleep for three hours surely your advice will work," I retorted.

"Oh be so serious with me now,"

"I am! Now I can add a new skill to my LinkedIn profile," I said, trying to stifle a giggle. "How about 'Expert in Catastrophic Bathroom Mishaps: Master of Turning Shower Encounters into Slapstick Comedy'?"

Clementine burst into laughter. “That’s quite a title! It’s like you’ve got a whole new niche market for yourself.”

“Right? I’m just waiting for the endorsement from ‘The Association of Embarrassing Bathroom Incidents,’” I said, imagining a badge with that exact title. What a big, fat, fucking joke.

“Or maybe you'll become the keynote speaker for the 'International Conference on Unexpected Water-Based Accidents,’” Clementine added, her voice full of amusement.

“I’ll make sure to include a workshop on ‘How to Survive a Bathroom Collision with Dignity and Humor,’” I said with a chuckle. “And don’t forget the seminar on ‘Turning Slip-and-Fall Disasters into Networking Opportunities.’”

“A career to consider!” Clementine laughed. “And you know what? I’ll be your first fan. Just remember to keep me updated on how your new ‘disastrous bathroom mishap’ career is going.”

“I’ll make sure to do that,” I promised with a smile. “Thanks for the laugh. It’s nice to know that even in the middle of a fiasco, I can count on you to turn it into a comedy show.”

"What can I say, I will never turn down listening to a free shit show," Clementine winked at me through the camera.

"Clem! What the hell!" I waved my manicured pointed nail at her.

"Bye! Don't die from embarrassment before you come back!" She quipped, then promptly hung up.

I lay sprawled on my bed, dreading the thought of going downstairs and facing the group of new neighbors. The whole idea made me cringe. I was just about to mentally prepare myself for the awkward introductions when a sudden knock on my door jolted me upright. My heart raced as I called out lazily, “Come in.”

The door creaked open, and I nearly jumped out of my skin when I saw Oscar standing there. His eyebrow was raised, and he wore a cheeky grin that did nothing to ease my nerves.

"Well, well, well," he said with an amused smirk. "Looks like you’ve been having quite the chat with 'dearest Clemmy,' haven’t you?"

My face flushed beet red, and I stuttered, struggling to find my words. “W-What are you doing here?”

Oscar leaned casually against the doorframe, clearly enjoying my discomfort. “Oh, you know, just overheard you and Clemmy talking about our little mishap. I believe you mentioned something about me being ‘a charming yet infuriating Aussie who managed to turn your bathroom break into a comedy skit.’”

I blinked, stunned into silence. My mouth opened and closed, but no coherent words came out. The sheer embarrassment was overwhelming. Oscar’s casual demeanor and his cheeky grin only made things worse.

“What can I say, my name was called,” Oscar continued with a mischievous glint in his eye. “If someone keeps calling you hot, I mean, wouldn’t you be too curious to listen?”

His smirk only made my breath hitch and my fingers tremble a little more. I could feel my cheeks burning, and I struggled to come up with a response. The playful glint in his eye and his casual attitude did nothing to alleviate my embarrassment. Instead, they only made me feel more flustered.

I took a deep breath, trying to regain some semblance of composure. “W-Well, I guess I didn’t think anyone would be actually listening.”

Oscar raised an eyebrow playfully, his smirk widening. “Oh, I’m sure you didn’t. But it was too good to pass up. Especially the part where you called me a ‘human wrecking ball.’”

My face flushed a deeper shade of crimson. “Great. Just great,” I muttered, shifting uncomfortably. “I’m sure I’ve made a fantastic first impression.”

Oscar chuckled, leaning casually against the doorframe. “Look, it’s all good. I’ve seen worse first impressions. Trust me. At least you didn’t accidentally set off the fire alarm or flood the place.”

I managed a weak smile, still feeling the sting of embarrassment. “Yeah, well, I’ll try to keep any future disasters to a minimum.”

Look at me, constantly embarrassing myself in front of hot guys. This was the exact reason why I was still bitchless and socially awkward at the ripe age of twenty-one. I could navigate a spreadsheet like a pro, ace exams, and even master the perfect contour, but put me in a room with a cute guy, and I turned into a walking calamity.

I sighed internally, already dreading the inevitable teasing I’d get from Clemmy once she found out I had, yet again, failed to keep my cool around a guy. Maybe I should’ve just stayed in the bathroom and let the ground swallow me whole.

Oscar raised an eyebrow, studying me with a curious look. “You know, you seem like a completely different person right now. Way quieter, more shy… less daring.”

My face flushed with a mix of irritation and embarrassment. “That’s not true,” I snapped, crossing my arms defensively. “I’m exactly the same as I was before.”

Oscar’s grin widened, clearly enjoying the effect his words had on me. “Sure, if you say so. But the girl who almost took me down like a rugby player in the bathroom seemed a lot more fearless.”

My nose flared as I shot him a glare, feeling the fire of indignation rise within me. Who did he think he was, making assumptions about me? I’ll show him just how brave I can be, I thought, my fists clenching. If he wanted to see daring, then I’d make sure he regretted ever doubting me. The nerve of this guy! He might have been hot, but that didn’t give him the right to push my buttons like this.

Oscar gave me a lopsided grin, clearly pleased with himself. "Anyway, everyone’s heading downstairs to meet each other. Figured I’d let you know, since, you know, it’s probably not the best idea to hide out up here forever."

My stomach twisted with nerves at the thought of facing everyone after that humiliating encounter. The idea of meeting new people while still reeling from my disastrous introduction to Oscar was daunting. But there was no way I was going to let him see how nervous I actually was. I took a deep breath, nodding stiffly. "Fine, let’s get this over with."

As we walked out of the room and toward the stairs, I could feel Oscar’s presence behind me—large, imposing, and annoyingly close. My face heated up, and I silently cursed myself for blushing yet again. Why did this guy have to make everything so difficult?

It was like shooting a sitting duck. A little small talk, a smile, and baby, I was stuck. I was a grown woman, for god’s sake, not some teenager swooning over a crush. But there I was, getting flustered over a guy I barely knew. Get a grip, I told myself, trying to shake off the absurdity of the situation. This wasn’t supposed to happen—I wasn’t supposed to be this easily charmed.

When we reached the bottom of the stairs, I hesitated, gripping the railing a little longer than usual. I could feel Oscar’s gaze on me, and it only made my nerves worse. Just as I was about to take the first step down, his hand brushed against mine. The contact was brief but enough to send a jolt of awareness through me. His hand was rough with calluses, moderately enveloping mine in a way that felt both comforting and disarming.

What was it about this guy that made me feel so uncharacteristically off-balance? As I tried to steady my racing thoughts, I reminded myself that I had to keep it together. After all, I wasn’t about to let some smooth-talking Aussie turn me into a lovesick fool—no matter how much my traitorous heart seemed to enjoy the challenge.

As I reached the bottom of the stairs, my eyes were drawn to two adults who were deep in conversation with my mom. Their warm, friendly demeanor and unmistakable Australian accents told me they were Oscar’s parents. They seemed just as lively and outgoing as he was, which only added to the strangeness of this entire situation.

Then, I spotted Oscar’s siblings—a trio of sisters who looked like carbon copies of him, yet each had her own distinct vibe, like different fonts of the same typeface. They were laughing and joking with each other, their bond evident in the way they effortlessly engaged in light-hearted banter. I felt a pang of envy, wishing I had siblings to share that kind of closeness with.

My daydream was abruptly shattered when Oscar’s large, warm hand clasped onto my shoulder, his fingers pressing gently but firmly against my skin. The unexpected touch sent a jolt through me, making me jump slightly as a flush of heat rushed to my cheeks. His chuckle, deep and amused, rumbled behind me, the sound wrapping around me like a teasing caress. He was standing on the step just above me, close enough that I could feel his breath on the back of my neck. His presence was unmistakably felt—broad, solid, and way too close for comfort, yet somehow not close enough.

His fingers lingered on my shoulder, almost as if he was testing my reaction, and I could feel the warmth radiating from his touch, seeping into my skin. The space between us seemed to shrink with every passing second, and I could barely concentrate on anything but the weight of his hand and the steady beat of my heart hammering in my chest.

Oscar leaned in slightly, his voice low and smooth as honey. “Jumpier than I thought,” he drawled, his tone dripping with playful mischief. “Didn’t take you for the shy type. Especially not after our little bathroom tango.” His grin widened, the corner of his mouth quirking up in a way that was both infuriating and ridiculously charming.

My pulse quickened at the way he was looking at me—those eyes sparkling with amusement, as if he knew exactly what he was doing. I swallowed hard, my mind racing to come up with a retort, but all I could focus on was how his hand, still resting on my shoulder, felt both protective and possessive. The air between us crackled with a tension that was impossible to ignore, and I had to remind myself to breathe.

I could quite literally cut the sexual tension with the dullest fucking butterknife in the world.

I tried to muster a sharp retort, something that would wipe that smug grin off his face, but my brain was too busy short-circuiting to cooperate. All I could manage was a stuttered, “I-I’m not shy! You just—caught me off guard, that’s all.” The words tumbled out, weak and unconvincing, and I mentally cringed at how feeble they sounded.

Oscar’s grin only grew, clearly enjoying my flustered state. He leaned in a little closer, his gaze locked on mine with a playful intensity that made my heart skip a beat. “Off guard, huh?” he murmured, his voice dipping lower. “So, you’re saying if I hadn’t surprised you, you’d be able to keep up?”

I opened my mouth to respond, determined to regain some semblance of dignity, but nothing clever came out. Instead, I just stood there, caught between wanting to pull away from his teasing and feeling inexplicably drawn to his warmth. His hand slid from my shoulder, and the absence of his touch left a surprising chill in its wake.

Realizing that my window for a comeback was closing, I finally managed to sputter, “Y-Yeah, exactly.” I immediately cursed myself for sounding so pathetic. Not exactly the sharp comeback I was hoping for. His smirk deepened, and I could tell he wasn’t buying it for a second.

“Sure, whatever you say,” Oscar replied, his tone still dripping with amusement. He straightened up, giving me a quick wink before stepping down to the next stair. The playful glint in his eyes told me he knew exactly how much he was getting under my skin, and he was loving every second of it.

As he moved past me, I finally found my voice—too little, too late—and muttered under my breath, “Cocky bastard.” But it was quiet enough that I hoped he didn’t hear it. To my dismay, Oscar paused, turning back with a raised eyebrow and an even wider grin.

“Sorry, didn’t catch that,” he said, his eyes twinkling with mischief. “Care to repeat it?”

My cheeks flamed as I quickly shook my head. “Nope, nothing. Let’s just… go meet everyone.”

Oscar’s grin didn’t falter as he took a step closer, still looming above me. “You know,” he began, his voice casual but with that familiar teasing edge, “I’ve already met everyone else. Your mom, too. And I’ve gotta say, you two seem like complete opposites.”

I blinked up at him, caught off guard again. “Opposites?”

He nodded, leaning against the wall with that effortless ease he seemed to have perfected. “Yep. Your mom’s all smiles and warm welcomes. You, on the other hand… well, you’ve got this whole ‘ready to throw punches’ vibe going on.”

I narrowed my eyes at him, trying to gauge whether he was being serious or just messing with me again. “I do not have a ‘ready to throw punches’ vibe.”

Oscar’s lips twitched like he was holding back a laugh. “Oh, you totally do. But don’t worry,” he added with a playful smirk, “it’s kind of endearing. Keeps things interesting.”

I huffed, crossing my arms over my chest. “Glad to know I’m so entertaining for you.”

He shrugged, unfazed. “Hey, I’m just saying, opposites attract, right? Besides, your mom already likes me. You could take a few notes.”

His comment sent a fresh wave of warmth to my cheeks, both from irritation and something I couldn’t quite place. “I don’t need notes from you,” I shot back, though my voice lacked its usual bite.

Oscar just chuckled, giving me one last teasing wink before turning to head down the stairs. “Whatever you say, mate. Just try not to tackle anyone else while you’re at it.”

"Well well well, what do we have here?" A girl with short hair and a devious grin matching Oscar's grinned at me as well entered the kitchen. Shimmering her hands like "jazz hands", she rolled her eyes and rested her chin in the palm of her hand.

I turned to face the new arrival, immediately recognizing her as one of Oscar’s sisters—one of the three siblings who seemed to share his penchant for mischief. Her cropped hair and sharp, playful eyes made her look like she’d just stepped out of a rom-com where she was the resident troublemaker, always stirring the pot and having a laugh at everyone else’s expense.

“Hey, party people,” she said, her voice dripping with a teasing lilt. She shot me a grin that was almost a mirror image of Oscar’s, mischievous and knowing, like she was in on some inside joke I hadn’t been let in on yet. I could feel the same heat from before creeping up my neck. Why did it feel like these siblings were reading me like an open book?

“Looks like someone’s already made a grand entrance,” she continued, flicking her eyes between me and Oscar with an amused smirk. “Oscar’s been talking about you nonstop since we got here. Said something about a ‘bathroom fiasco’ that deserves an award?”

I shot a glare at Oscar, who was leaning casually against the counter, looking far too pleased with himself. “Did he now?” I said, trying to keep my voice steady despite the mortification clawing at me.

The girl laughed, light and musical, but with an edge that told me she was fully enjoying every bit of this. “Oh yeah, he’s been filling us in. But don’t worry, we’re used to his tall tales. I’m Hattie, by the way,” she added, extending a hand with exaggerated enthusiasm as if we were meeting on the set of a game show rather than in my kitchen.

I hesitated for a beat before shaking her hand, trying to muster a smile that didn’t look too forced. “Nice to meet you, Hattie. I’m—”

“Oh, I know who you are,” she interrupted, her grin widening. “You’re the girl who almost took out my brother. Honestly, I’m impressed. No one’s ever managed to knock him off his game quite like that.”

I glanced at Oscar, who was watching the exchange with an infuriatingly smug look on his face. Maisie’s comment hung in the air, both a compliment and a lighthearted jab. I couldn’t help but feel like I was once again the butt of some inside joke between the siblings.

“Yeah, well, it’s a special talent of mine,” I said, trying to sound casual but feeling like every word was being scrutinized. “Guess I just have that effect.”

Hattie laughed, the sound bright and unapologetically amused. “Oh, I like you already. But hey, if you’re gonna hang out with us, you better be ready for a little friendly chaos. And maybe a few more unexpected collisions.”

Oscar gave a soft snort of laughter, and I could feel his eyes still on me, assessing, teasing, and—annoyingly—almost impressed. I tried to ignore the butterflies that seemed to be staging a full-on rebellion in my stomach. Clearly, this family thrived on playful torment, and I had somehow found myself right in the middle of it.

“Don’t worry,” I said, straightening up and forcing a confident smile. “I think I can handle whatever you guys throw at me.”

Hattie's eyes sparkled with mischief, and she gave me a mock salute. “That’s the spirit. Welcome to the chaos, mate.”

Oscar chuckled again, giving me that damn wink before pushing off from the counter. “Oh, she’s ready for it. Trust me, she’s already made quite the impression.”

The other two girls strolled in, each with their own distinct energy that filled the room. One had a fierce, confident look, dark hair tied up in a messy bun, and a leather jacket that screamed ‘cooler-than-you’ vibes. The youngest, a curly-haired, bright-eyed whirlwind, practically bounced into the kitchen, her infectious smile lighting up the space.

“So,” I said, feeling slightly overwhelmed by the sudden influx of new faces. “I’ve met Oscar, obviously, and… Hattie, right?” I glanced at the girl who had first greeted me, who nodded with a playful smile. “But I’m afraid I haven’t gotten your names yet,” I continued, pointing between the other two sisters.

The girl with the leather jacket gave me a wry grin, leaning casually against the counter. “I’m Edie,” she said, her voice dripping with casual confidence. “The cooler, smarter middle child.”

Mae, the youngest, immediately chimed in, rolling her eyes at her sister. “And I’m Mae, the fun one,” she said with a giggle, her curls bouncing as she hopped up onto a stool. “Edie’s just mad she wasn’t born with my charm.”

Edie snorted, pretending to be offended. “Please, you’re like a tiny tornado of chaos. But yeah, I guess she’s not wrong,” she added, shooting me a smirk. “Mae’s got a way of making everything a little… livelier.”

I couldn’t help but smile at their playful back-and-forth. “Nice to officially meet you all. And thanks for the heads-up on your brother’s antics,” I said, glancing at Oscar, who was watching the exchange with an amused glint in his eye.

“Oh, trust me,” Hattie added, her grin widening as she nudged Oscar with her elbow. “We’ve got years of experience keeping this one in line. You’re welcome to join the effort.”

Oscar threw his hands up in mock surrender. “Wow, ganging up on me already? This is why I never bring girls home,” he joked, though there was a hint of genuine warmth in his voice, like he was more than used to—and secretly enjoyed—their teasing.

Mae leaned forward, her eyes sparkling with mischief. “Just wait till we start telling you all the embarrassing stories. Oscar’s got quite a few, and we’ve got no problem spilling the tea.”

Oscar smirked, shifting his weight just enough to close the distance between us, his presence suddenly feeling a lot closer, a lot warmer. He leaned in with a casual ease, his movements smooth and unhurried, as if he had all the time in the world to make me squirm. His voice dropped into a playful, low tone, rich and velvety, each word dripping with deliberate charm. “Oh, don’t worry about them,” he murmured, his gaze locked onto mine with an intensity that made my heart skip a beat. “I’d much rather hear your stories. You’re far more interesting than anything they could say about me.”

The way he looked at me was like I was the only person in the room, his eyes lingering on mine with a bold, flirtatious glint that sent a shiver down my spine. His grin was maddeningly confident, a little crooked, and devastatingly irresistible—the kind of smile that made it clear he knew exactly what he was doing. It was teasing, suggestive, and far too charming for its own good, like he was daring me to blush, daring me to react.

I felt the heat creeping up my neck, a slow burn that spread across my cheeks, making my skin prickle with the sudden awareness of how close he was. My mind scrambled for something clever to say, but his flirtatious tone, the way his eyes roved over my face as if he was reading every reaction, left me tongue-tied. It was like he was peeling back layers with just a look, searching for the part of me that he could fluster with a few well-placed words and that infuriating smile.

I tried to steady my breath, but his proximity was overwhelming. I could catch the faint scent of his cologne—fresh, with a hint of something spicy—and the subtle shift of his body as he leaned closer sent my senses into overdrive. Every nerve seemed to hum in response to his nearness, and I could feel my face burning hotter, betraying me with every second that I failed to look away.

Edie made a gagging noise, rolling her eyes dramatically. “Ew, Oscar, seriously? Can you not flirt for like five seconds? It’s embarrassing.”

Mae giggled, giving Oscar a playful shove. “Yeah, gross. No one wants to see that. Save it for when we’re not around, Romeo.”

Hattie snorted, shaking her head as she watched Oscar with a mix of amusement and exasperation. “He’s always like this. Thinks he’s Mr. Smooth. Don’t let him get to you.”

But Oscar only chuckled, clearly unfazed by his sisters’ teasing. He turned back to me, his grin widening as he caught sight of my flushed cheeks. “Aww, look at that,” he said, his voice soft and teasing. “Did I make you blush? How cute.”

I quickly tried to hide my face, mortification bubbling up as I realized there was no escaping the heat radiating from my cheeks. “N-No, you didn’t,” I stammered, though the pink tint on my face said otherwise.

Oscar’s smirk deepened, and he leaned in just a little closer, his voice barely above a whisper. “You’re not very good at hiding it, you know. It’s kind of endearing.”

I could practically feel my cheeks getting even more red, if that was even possible. His sisters snickered behind us, enjoying the show as much as they enjoyed tormenting him.

Mae nudged Hattie, whispering loud enough for everyone to hear, “He’s really laying it on thick, huh? Someone needs to put a leash on this one.”

Hattie snickered and turned to me, giving me an exaggeratedly sympathetic look. “Don’t worry, he does this to everyone. It’s part of his ‘charm offensive.’ Just don’t let him get away with it too easily.”

“Yeah, make him work for it,” Edie added with a laugh. “And don’t let that blush fool you. He’s got enough of an ego without you feeding it.”

Oscar just shrugged, clearly unbothered by his sisters’ ribbing. He kept his eyes on me, his smile softening just slightly. “They’re just jealous because they know I’m right. You really are something else.”

I rolled my eyes, trying to fight the smile that was creeping onto my face despite my best efforts. “You’re impossible,” I muttered, crossing my arms in an attempt to compose myself.

Oscar leaned back, finally giving me a bit of space but not without one last wink. “Impossible’s my specialty,” he said, the playful challenge hanging in the air.

Hattie clapped her hands together, breaking the charged silence that had wrapped around us. “Alright, lovebirds, let’s change the scene before this kitchen gets any steamier,” she said with a sly grin, glancing between Oscar and me. “What do you say we all head out to the pool? It’s hot as hell today, and I could use a swim.”

Mae’s eyes lit up at the suggestion, and she bounced on her toes with excitement. “Yes, please! I’ve been dying to jump in all morning. Come on, it’ll be fun.”

Edie shrugged, pushing off the counter. “Sounds like a plan. Beats sitting around here watching Oscar make a fool of himself,” she said, shooting her brother a pointed look that he brushed off with a careless smirk.

I hesitated, caught off guard by the sudden change in plans. The thought of the pool—cool water, bright sun, and lounging with these new, vibrant personalities—was tempting, but my mind immediately jumped to what that would mean: changing into a bikini, being under the sun's scrutiny, and, worse, the idea of Oscar’s eyes on me again, but this time with even less to hide behind.

“Uh, yeah, sure,” I said, trying to sound casual, though my heart was starting to race for an entirely different reason now. “Just give me a minute to get changed.”

As I slipped back into my room, I rummaged through my suitcase, finding the bright bikini I had packed on a whim but hadn’t quite planned on wearing in front of a whole audience of strangers. It was a pretty number—a little more revealing than I was used to—but suddenly, the idea of wearing it around Oscar felt daunting. My insecurities bubbled up: the nagging thoughts of whether my stomach was flat enough, if my thighs looked alright, or if the faint stretch marks I tried so hard to ignore would be too noticeable under the bright afternoon sun.

I took a deep breath, staring at my reflection in the mirror. I tugged at the fabric, trying to adjust it in a way that made me feel more comfortable, but the nerves wouldn’t settle. I could already imagine Oscar’s eyes lingering on me, his playful smirk turning into something more appraising, and the thought sent a rush of heat to my cheeks. God, why was I letting this get to me? It was just a pool. Just a bikini. Just Oscar. But the more I tried to rationalize, the more those little fears crept in, whispering doubts that made my stomach churn.

I was so lost in my own thoughts, adjusting and readjusting the strings and trying to silence the negative self-talk, that I nearly jumped out of my skin when a sudden knock rattled my door. My heart leaped into my throat, and I spun around, my breath catching as I called out, “W-Who is it?”

“It’s me,” came Oscar’s familiar voice, muffled but still clear enough to send a jolt of nerves through me. “Just checking to see if you’re alright in there. You’ve been quiet, and, well, didn’t want you chickening out on us.”

His tone was light, but there was something softer in it, something that caught me off guard. It wasn’t the usual teasing or the cocky one-liners I’d grown accustomed to in the short time I’d known him. This felt… genuine. A flicker of concern threaded through his words, almost like he actually cared if I was okay. My cheeks flushed anew, this time from the unexpected warmth of his attention rather than embarrassment.

I sat on the edge of the bed, my fingers fidgeting with the hem of my cover-up as I tried to piece together my swirling thoughts. Was this the same Oscar who had been smirking at me in the kitchen, flirting shamelessly in front of his sisters? The same Oscar who seemed to relish every moment he made me blush or stumble over my words? It was strange, almost disarming, to hear him like this—concerned, attentive, with none of his usual bravado.

My heart fluttered at the thought. What if there was more to him than just the cheeky guy who lived for teasing? I couldn’t help but feel a small, unexpected tug in my chest, an urge to believe that this side of him was real and not just some act. But then, just as quickly, my rational side kicked in, reminding me that I’d known Oscar for all of three hours, most of which had been spent flustered and caught up in his whirlwind of charm.

Was I reading too much into this? Was I letting my own insecurities and wishful thinking color my perception of him? It was hard not to, especially when he swung so easily between flirty and sincere, keeping me constantly off-balance. I barely knew this guy, yet here I was, letting my mind wander into dangerous territory, imagining depth and sincerity that might not even be there.

I squeezed my eyes shut, trying to steady my thoughts. I didn’t want to jump to conclusions—didn’t want to let a few kind words make me think I’d seen some hidden side of him. But it was hard not to feel flustered when his voice had softened like that, when he’d taken the time to check on me instead of just joking about how long I was taking.

The knock on my door, the concern in his tone—it all felt so different from the playful Oscar who’d swaggered into my life just a few hours ago. Maybe it was nothing, just a moment of decency, a brief glimpse of something real behind the jokes and teasing. Or maybe I was just overthinking, desperate to see something more in him because he’d managed to get under my skin in a way I wasn’t quite prepared for.

I sighed, feeling my cheeks heat up once more as the realization hit me—I was blushing again, and not just from embarrassment this time. There was something about Oscar, something that made me want to believe he was more than the carefree charmer he projected. But whether that was true or just wishful thinking, I couldn’t be sure. Not yet.

“I-I’m fine!” I called back, trying to steady my voice, but it came out shaky, betraying the mix of anxiety and embarrassment that had settled in my chest. “Just… getting ready.”

There was a pause on the other side of the door, long enough that I thought he might have walked away. But then, Oscar’s voice cut through again, softer this time, and with a teasing edge. “You sure? I promise no one’s gonna judge you out there. Least of all me.”

The reassurance felt sincere, but I couldn’t help the way my mind raced with all the what-ifs. What if he did look? What if I didn’t look good enough? What if this stupid bikini made me feel more exposed than I could handle? I glanced at myself one last time in the mirror, trying to summon the confidence that I usually wore so easily, but right now felt like it was hiding somewhere I couldn’t reach.

“Yeah, I’m sure,” I finally managed, forcing a smile I hoped he couldn’t hear through the door. “Just... give me a sec. I’ll be right out.”

“Take your time,” Oscar said, his voice fading as he finally moved away from the door. “But don’t take too long. You don’t wanna miss the fun.”

As his footsteps retreated, I let out a shaky breath, trying to collect myself. I ran a hand through my hair, giving myself one last pep talk before heading out. It was just a pool day, I reminded myself. Just a stupid pool day with some new people and a guy who was way too good at making me blush. And maybe, just maybe, it would be fun—if I could get out of my own head long enough to let it be.

─────────────────── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───────────────────

taglist! @mingyusbigrighttoe @theblueblub @demandealalune @linnygirl09

[pippin-katz]

The Awardist - Nicholas Galitzine & Taylor Zakhar Perez

I have to write down the best bits and record my thoughts while listening to this because I am completely losing my mind over what is our first real interview with the boys that was recorded in real time.

27:55 - right off the bat we got a great inside joke/reference from the host that had me cackle

28:19 - taylor being happy to see their faces and nicholas immediately shutting him down like "well i'm not happy to see taylor's face"

28:40 - taylor joking about putting a post-in note over nick's face lmfao

29:30 - the way they don't want to talk over each other, it's giving alex's bedroom flashbacks

29:40 - nick being like "oh! oh, it's good!" when dipping into the online response when the movie released lmfao 😆

30:33 - the silence following the social media question where they were apparently nodding followed by taylor saying they were texting each other like "mate" "mate" back and forth

31:20 - THEY TALKED ABOUT THE SIGNING WARS

31:44 - nicholas calling taylor "this little fucker" had me dying cause me and @meraki-yao were literally referring to him as that in our conversation on ig yesterday

32:00 - nicholas genuinely asking taylor "what possessed you to do this?"; it's giving storage closet in the children's hospital vibes when henry's like "why do you dislike me?"

33:04 - "take it nick" immediately upon being asked the dense question regarding fans reacting to their portrayals of henry and alex, and the way that nicholas laughs and stutters makes me think that taylor totally did that on purpose to mess with him lmfao

34:00 - taylor stopping to talk to fans regardless of where he is or where he's going and specfically mentioning how meaningful it was that people have said *TW* they were contemplating suicide when they read the book/watched the movie and that it helped them 🥺

35:40 - the host referred to the film as "a coming out story", which i don't really agree with as a label because the coming out portion is an added piece of their relationship as two public figures, but their love is the actual story

36:40 - nicholas referring to the film as "wholesome and funny" made me smile so much because it truly is wholesome

37:18 - not the host making the "top to bottom" joke 😭

37:58 - nicholas and taylor have talked about their friendship with each other and how they instantly clicked; nick knew within a few minutes of rehearsal that taylor was "his buddy" 🥺

38:41 - catch me squaring up with everyone who has made nicholas self conscious and self deprecating about doing so much intimacy work on the screen that he refers to it as "basically his thing" like that's all he's recognized for; i am so ready to punch some motherfuckers 😡

39:10 - "it's so fun now, seeing my mate at all these awards and stuff"; catch me fucking crying

39:24 - not taylor misremembering the "nicholas or joey" question as "who was the better kisser"; he totally combined the "is nicholas a good kisser" question with the "who has your heart tonight" question

40:05 - taylor talking about matthew's background in theatre and how they got to actually rehearse with each other; i will never stop being insanely grateful that matthew is a theatre guy

40:55 - the way i said "oh my god" out loud because i was so excited by the question

41:14 - improvised the "physicality" of the store room; i.e. they just fell on top of each other and clamored around 😂

41:32 - the way i literally gasped so hard that i started coughing when nicholas called taylor "tay", i am not even fucking joking, that was so fucking cute 😭

43:42 - fucking wheezed upon realizing where the question going

44:02 - the knowing way taylor was like "i will take this one" lmfao

45:10 - not me going so red from second hand embarrassment 🫣

45:44 - taylor bringing the jockstrap that nicholas wears in bottoms, and nicholas immediately adding "i won't even go into mary & george" 😂

47:51 - taylor finishing nicholas' sentence about matthew's direction for the cake scene; sharing a braincell lol

48:36 - taylor's dog passed away the night of the first day of filming like wow, that fucking sucks 🥺😭

49:05 - "everyone's looking at me with these sad eyes" made me so sad but then taylor said "do you want some tea?" in a terrible british accent lmfao

49:50 - nicholas complimenting and boosting taylor's performance while having such a hard time emotionally 🥺

50:49 - taylor bringing up running through the museum; i can hear the smile in his voice while talking about it 😭

51:28 - they filmed the kensington palace fight and the red room the week after nicholas got covid

52:40 - oh my god, the way you can hear nick grinning as he throws taylor under the bus for the sequel question 😂

53:30 - taylor wants a second book to base the sequel off of

54:03 - taylor used they/them pronouns for casey!! see? he knows, it was totally nerves

55:20 - it felt like it was over too soon, i desperately need more of them PLEASE 😭

This is the greatest thing that's happened in like, a month for me lmfao I am literally begging for more people to interview the boys about RWRB, I am so fucking desperate for more content of the two of them together. They are everything to me 🥺

Thanks for reading!! If you enjoyed this essay & would like to support me, you can give me a tip on my Ko-Fi! ☺️

[moralesmilesanhour]

seeing double

summary: Milo keeps getting mistaken for Miles and he's like really over it wc: ~500' a/n: I feel like I've just been writing heavy-ish stuff non-stop so I thought I'd just do something for the sillies. Here is my masterlist for more Stuff

“Yo, Miles, we got a problem–oh.”

Milo gave Ganke Lee an icy glare from where he sat on the stoop in front of his house. The husky Korean boy had met his twin brother in ninth grade, and the two became fast friends. They were not close enough, apparently, for Ganke to avoid occasionally mistaking the two boys and spilling bits and pieces of secret plans that Milo was decidedly not a part of. Like being fucking Spider-Man. The braids seemed to help, though not by a large margin.

Milo pulled back his purple hoodie to reveal them, for emphasis.

“Yeah, wrong guy,” he said flatly. “Need me to text him?”

Ganke tensed. 

“Um, nah, I think I’ll be able to find him.”

Milo scoffed. “Scared you’re gonna spill his lil’ ‘secret identity’?”

The other boy’s eyes widened.

“You…You know?”

“I know how to put two and two together, Lee. Now do you need me to text him or not?”

Ganke pursed his lips for a second, then shrugged. “Tell him the Goblin’s loose again. See ya.”

He gave a quick salute, then began to jog back in the direction he came from.

The rest of Miles’ week went about the same way:

“Miles, how’s the art project coming along?”

“I’m not Miles.”

“We miss you, Miles!”

“Not Miles, but I’ll pass the message along.”

“Miles, it's not funny. Let's go.”

“I'm. Not. Miles!”

You struggled to tug your boyfriend along behind you before the showing time for the movie you two had picked out rolled around. The tight new cornrows sitting on top of his head seemed to be cutting off the flow to his brain, because he seemed to have no idea what you were talking about. 

“We're gonna be late!”

“Late to what?”

Fully on the brink of giving up, you dropped his hand and spun around to face him.

“Look, do you wanna go or not? You can't keep flaking on me like this, this is the third time–”

“And it won't happen again!”

There, jogging up to you in a white sweatshirt, hair very clearly un-braided, was Miles. 

You blinked hard a few times, then looked back at Not Miles, who had his arms crossed in irritation. 

“Yo, your girl tried to kidnap me just now,” he snapped. “Can you not be late to everything?”

The real Miles glanced between you and his twin for a moment before bursting into a wheezing fit of laughter.

“It's not funny!” You both said in unison as he held his stomach. 

After wiping a tear from his eye and regaining his composure, he gestured towards Not Miles. 

“You wanna introduce yourself first?”

Not Miles sighed.

“Milo Morales. My real name's Manuel, but I don't want nobody calling me ‘Manny’, so I go by Milo. Don't forget it.”

You narrowed your eyes at Miles.

“Why didn't you tell me you had a brother with the same face as you?”

He shrugged. 

“Wasn’t important information at the time.”

“ ‘Wasn't important’– I almost took your brother out on a date by accident!”

“You're not my type.”

“Alright, look,”

Miles took your hand. His palm was softer than Milo's, you noted.

“I'll explain at the movies, I promise.”

Your expression softened, and you squeezed his hand back.

“You'd better.”

“See you at home?” Miles turned to Milo, who was already stalking off in the other direction with his hands in his pockets. 

“Whatever, man!”

[dangerliesbeforeyou]

ok so ive been rewatching psychoville and saw on the wikipedia that there were a bunch of websites made for the series (they were all written by reece and steve btw) which i've been looking through cos they are genuinely SO fucking funny & also just amazingly creative lol!

anyway i know people in the fandom probs already know about this (since the show came out literally 15 years ago pfft) but i thought i'd share some of my fav bits (but honestly would just recommend just checking them out if you haven't i have been crying with laughter for literally hours lol)

i will say that a lot of the media (videos, games, etc) no longer work on the archived sites rip but i'm sure people have uploaded some of the stuff (vids especially) to yt or other places lol

so a) i love that we get some background stuff on jelly and 2) 'captain CRACKERS' bernie clifton's dressing room reference question mark ??????? (ofc bcdr was AFTER this but i know love the idea that mr jelly trained under len pfft)

what that red raw stump do though 👀 (sorry pfffft)

mr jolly's website wasn't that interesting soz tho i did like him comparing being a doctor to being a clown lol

the comment about fag bears did make me wheeze i'm afraid lol i also loved the blurry photos of lomax's commodities lol (kinda reminded me of the bit in tlog w/ that terrible old photographer guy lol)

when i tell you i DIED with laughter at the 'now known as hull' bit like u just know reece wrote that bit pfft

not really a funny thing but this poem written by david honestly kinda breaks my heart lol... i think it also a lot of additional context to david's guilt when he thought he'd killed his father(faver) because perhaps he felt guilty about NOT feeling guilty you get me? like, it felt to me that when maureen told david it was SHE who killed her husband, it didn't feel like he was mad at her for doing it, but more that she kept the fact from him. it's about... the mutual oedipus-coded obsession with one another that couldn't even be destroyed in death and in this essay i will....

ghoul_lass23 is just like me but about tumblr lol fr

nothing feels more cursed than the phrases 'the river minge has burst its banks', 'crying creamy tears' and 'fleshy rapunzel' (which i've just noticed they misspelt lol... don't think that was intentional lol?) so if i had to read this so do you <3

the way that i kinda wish this actually existed tho pfft... also, it does kinda remind me of that video where jenny nicholson talked about that insane reality show 'opposite worlds' lol

'cross between seven and glee' is honestly sending me pfft

also on this part there was a script from stinkfinger (which is a show mentioned on the show) which sounded suspiciously like a reference to tlc lol

the less said about swastknickers the better

(will say i did nearly piss myself laughing at the nazi section of the hoity toity website lol which wasn't a sentence i thought i'd type today lol)

i just love these kinds of jokes pfft

also the whole biography sections of each of the pantomime cast are fab lol tho i AM kinda pissed they made debbie from yeovil and yet didn't give her a west country accent lol!!! (i guess they thought it'd be a bit much w/ joy being bristolian but i'm still mad about it lol)

also i know people have probably already pointed this out but i do find it funny that brian in the in9 episode last night of the proms is a closeted gay guy who likes watching drag was probably a reference to brian in this show that was a drag queen like... is anything these guys do NOT a reference??? u know those gaylor fans who obsessively look for clues in her songs about her apparent secret sexuality? all i'm saying is that i think they'd really like the extended reece shearsmith & steve pemberton universe pfft

all three of these made me cry with laughter lol

ohh this is interesting lol so obviously they suspected that some people might be all 'um why didn't the sprinklers go off during the fire at ravenhill? plot hole much!' so they wrote this into one of the websites so they could be like SEE! WE'RE ONE STEP AHEAD OF YOU DUMBASSES lol

both the jeremy kyle reference (remember when that was a thing? yikes... my mum used to watch his show CONSTANTLY...) and nurse kenshington's thoughts on david and maureen are interesting lol.. also there's a reference to the serial killer top trumps in this bit lol! (do people still play top trumps?? man i LOVED top trumps lol...)

the entire sunnyvale care home section is so fucking funny (both the website AND in the show lol mrs wren/mrs ladybird face is unironically probably my favourite character on the entire show) these were just some of my fav gags lol...

ok but why is this the SECOND reference to a guy punching a child who was apparently looking at his dick lol!??!! did this happen to one of you ??!!?!? reece did you punch a child ??!???!?!??

&&&& that's it lol

there were a few websites i didn't spend long on or generally weren't that interesting (coughmidgetgemscough) but honestly? i was really captivated with just how funny and well put together all these sites were! you can tell they had a lot of fun making it and i'm sure fans at the time LOVED being able to have this semi-interactive element of the show lol

there was just something so wonderfully late 00's about these websites lol i genuinely don't think i've laughed this much at anything in literal months and all of this is just solidifies that psychoville is a criminally under-appreciated masterpiece lol

[dunmeshichilchuck]

For That One Guy on Tumblr part 12

Chilchuck x !fem !halffoot reader

Short update this time

Chilchuck finishes as quickly as you did, and curtly informs you that he's done. 

Both of you wind up sitting against one of the walls, staring blankly out into the dimly lit room, too exhausted to do anything else. The adrenaline has fully worn off now that you're not moving and have nothing left to do, and the reality of the situation is finally catching up to you both.

"Well." You break the silence finally. "This fucking sucks."

Chilchuck is silent for half a beat more, and then makes a sound that is halfway between a snort and a chuckle. "Yeah. Yeah it does." He snorts again, and then begins to laugh, half choking on it. You stare at him, and then find yourself joining in, giggling half hysterically. You both laugh for far too long over something that was barely a joke to begin with.  

You finally choke out "We are absolutely dying here." and then burst into another fit of laughter. The idea is hilarious to you all of a sudden. You've both fought so hard, survived so much, and you're going to starve to death because of bad luck. What a funny twist of fate. 

Chilchuck seems to have gained some form of control over himself. He's still visibly fighting back a laugh but he's regaining his composure. "Alright, pull yourself together. Maybe we will die here, but there's no point in giving up." 

His seriousness and rigorous adherence to the rules suddenly seems even more funny to you than it already did. You start laughing harder, and then lean back against him, letting half of your back be supported by his chest. You're not quite in his lap, but it's close. He goes rigidly stiff. 

"Ah lighten up" you say easily. "I'm not giving up, and I know you're not either. What's wrong with a little laughter in the dark?" 

You're being facetious, but you're at the fuck it stage of continuous fear and adrenaline. You're ready to start having some fun with it. 

He's still stiff under you, but notably hasn't made any move to push you off or gotten pissed at you. 

"We're coworkers." He says abruptly. "Any sexual contact-".

You snort uncontrollably, and start laughing again. What little you can see of his face out of the corner of your eye is brilliant red. "Does this count as fucking to you?" You choke out. "Because that would explain a lot." 

He sputters a bit, and then says "All I was trying to say was that we shouldn't have sex! I assumed you were initiating something!" 

You laugh so hard it feels like you might genuinely throw up, while he sits stiffly, looking distinctly, wildly mortified. 

"What you-" you choke out. "You thought - thought I was gonna ask to work off some of that almost dying adrenaline? Maybe -" you break into laughter again. "Maybe pull the last night on earth line? And you were going to say 'sorry I know this will be my last chance to get laid but I'm going to refuse because -" you double over, ribs actually hurting now. "'because my contract says no sex with coworkers'??? Come ON man." 

Chilchuck looks indignant. "Well it's not like I don't want to have sex with you! you're just really banged up and concussed and you're stuck working with me! I'm just trying to not take-" 

You wheeze loudly. "HA." You're almost incoherent now. 

You curl up on the ground and make an indecipherable series of sounds reminiscent of a pipe organ being cleaned, or perhaps a cat being hit with a broom but the cat has something stuck in its throat.

"Are. Are you okay?" Chilchuck asks. He sounds genuinely concerned. 

You finally manage to regain some semblance of control over your vocal chords. 

"YOU WERE PROJECTING!" you choke out between wheezing gasps. "AHAHA YOU WANNA FUCK ME SO BAD IT MAKES YOU STUPID." 

Chilchuck doesn't even try to deny it. Just stares down at you with the distinct look of a man who wishes he were dead. 

You're stuck dying in a labyrinth with an emotionally constipated and apparently very horny man and it's the funniest goddamn thing that's ever happened to you. 

Taglist, ask to tag: (also let me know if I missed you, I've gotten sloppy)

@night-shadowblood-writes2

@thoughtfulbelieverstrawberry

@dunmeshimeshi

@leguink 

@gh0st-spider

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@qardasngan

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@kween-kitty666

[oogaboogaspookyman]

An impulsive response to @dronebiscuitbat for the recent 20th part of the nuzi fic Aka a fan creation fueled by desire for comedy

[STARGAZING AT SOMETHING BETTER THAN STARS]

.

.

.

A do-over prom, best idea Thad has ever had... Just deal with whoever has magnets and tries funny things. Yeah.

He'll be fine!

The music is blaring, the lights are bright, the band friggin' SLAYS, prom is going amazingly and much better than the last.

Thad had dealt with a... Harrasser, some guys with magnets, and may or may not have found the culprit for spiking the fermented oil. Asshole that girl, i swear, he thought. Well at least prom is doing well!

Two drones stepped into the dance floor, starting with clumsy steps and slowly progressing to faster speeds. That's Uzi and N, and she has wings?! Awesome! Thad took note of this, and so did the band currently playing.

The crowd was startled, some began to cheer and encourage, the band picked up the pace telling the duo to go all out.

Little by little, they began to rise from the floor, flying, almost about to shoot for the sky.

The band picked up the pace, more and more and more, until...

..!

Would you look at that! They shot into the sky!

All the air that surrounded the duo suddenly got blasted onto... Well, everywhere! One dude got sent back from it, too... They really did shoot to the sky huh! Okay better take a look at the guy holy robo-jesus.

Thad ran over to the potentially injured drone, as fast as he could. "Dude are you okay?! Are you hurt?!"

"Hh... Yeah i'm fine, i'll walk it off no worries..." Thad doubted the guy's response, "I'll ask for help anyway- can anyone help this guy that's hurt?!"

"No really i'll be fine, look"... Did he just fucking stand up and walk away?? Back to do his thing??

... Yes he did.

Hm.

Welp! That's sorted out faster than thought! Back into the action!

After a small few minutes of Prom Stuff™, suddenly he, somehow, managed to hear chatter in the sky... Uzi and N, they have to be. How are they doin' up there?

"Wonder how they're doin' up there!" That's exactly what i narrated here. Anyway- Thad looked up and... Couldn't make out a damn thing. Right. Sky. Very up there. Does he have anything to have a better look at them?

Yes he did. From straight outta the Convinient Hammerspace For Different Events™, he pulled out a pair of binoculars and looked up at the sky now with a MUCH better look at them.

There they are, curiously way closer to each other and very lovey dovey! Man, about time those two got together, it's been clear from the get-go they liked each other.

Wait a minute.

"Whazzawhat..." He raised the binoculars again and... Upon closer look they ARE curiously way closer to each other. WAY closer.

Oh.

OH!

OHOHOHO!!

"FUCK YEAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

The crowd looked at Thad in concern.

...

...

"What happened??" Someone asked.

"Uh. Hm." Thad thought of a way to slip the situation under the rug.

...

Oh yeah that's so gonna work.

"Ligma." Thad spoke the sole word.

...

"What's ligma??" Oh hell yeah he waited to do this for a WHILE...

"Ligma balls, get back to your thing." The crowd exploded into unhinged cackling and wheezing. "FUCK YOU MAN" said the someone who asked. After a little death by laughter they went back to doing Prom Stuff™

"What just happened, Thad??" Lizzy ran up to him, curious about the situation, and all Thad did was give her the binoculars. He pointed up, much to Lizzy's confusion.

She looked up at the sky, where she spotted two familiar figures kissing... "Whazzawhat??" She said as she lowered the binoculars in confusion and raised them again...

"NO FUCKING WAY" Thad wheezed at his sister's reaction, "YES FUCKING WAY" patting her on the back.

Hallelujah they finally kissed!

[amazingmsme]

That Was Funny. Laugh

AN: I haven’t forgotten about the rest of tickletober, don’t you worry! Here’s day 24 with Max & the nerds! I feel like he would probably try too hard to fit in with them, & it doesn’t exactly always work. But that’s ok, he’ll make it work! Think we all could use a bit of fluff right now…

Things were starting to look up. They were hesitant to say that the prank worked, but at least Max had stopped bullying them, and that was their main goal, so Pete marked it as a success.

The rest of the jocks started to change their tune, following Max's lead, and it had been weeks since he had a swirly or was shoved inside a locker. Pete and Steph were going steady, and the school play was really starting to come together. The Jagerman himself even invited them to the big game to watch him "stomp Clivesdale into the fucking mud." And what do you know, he did!

So things were honestly pretty great. There was just one little problem...

"Sup nerds!"

They all groaned in unison as he announced his presence from behind. He caught up rather quickly, slinging his arms around Peter and Richie's shoulders, the latter flinching at the contact.

"Oh, h-hey Max," he stuttered, trying to play it cool. Max didn't seem to notice, or he just didn't care. "What's up?"

"Oh nothin' much, practice got canceled 'cause of the rain so I gotta fuckin' walk home. Can you believe it?" he complained. Steph couldn't hide her smirk as she answered.

"Yeah I can, actually."

"Shut it, Lauter," he snapped, but it lacked the usual venom his words carried. "You never have to walk anywhere."

"Actually," she corrected, "I'm walking right now." Peter, Ruth, and Richie all snapped their heads to look at her, silently begging her not to say another word.

"Oh yeah? Where the hell are you nerds going? The fuckin' library?" he wheezed out a laugh, slapping a hand on his knee in amusement, although his laughter trailed off when he realized no one was laughing with him.

Steph merely arched a brow and crossed her arms. "No smartass, we're going to Pizza Pete's to win that ugly little doll Ruth's been wanting." Pleading stares turned to annoyed glances as she spilt the beans. The very act of telling Max where they were going was practically an invitation in his eyes.

"Really? Didn't know Spankoffski had his own pizza shop," he quipped, a smirk stretching across his face. That one was good, he had to admit.

And they still didn't fuckin' laugh! Are they brain dead or something?

"Ha ha, like I never heard that one before," Peter rolled his eyes, an annoyed smile tugging at his lips. At least Max was trying.

"Well if you need tickets to win the ugly fucker, I'm great at skee ball," he offered.

"Don't call him that! He's so fuzzy and cute, you guys are just mean!" Ruth whined, clutching her chest dramatically.

"Ruth, radioactive Cthulhu is not cute, he's just creepy," Richie deadpanned. Ruth stuck her tongue out as he returned the gesture.

"Come on you two, those tickets aren't gonna win themselves," Peter prompted, and they began walking down the sidewalk, dumb jock in tow. They all resigned to their fate of backhanded compliments and obscure sports references for the next two hours. Still, it was better than the way things used to be.

Not ideal, but surprisingly tolerable.

At least when he wasn't trying so damn hard. He would go out of his way to be what he considered kind, but was really the bare minimum at best. And Peter wasn’t exactly sure why he thought he needed to be funny for them to like him. Honestly, it was getting old.

Peter, Richie and Max stood off to the side as Ruth and Steph fed their tickets into the ticket counter. A waiter passed by carrying a pizza, and Max nudged them to get their attention, pointing at the restaurant’s signature dish.

“You see that?”

Peter and Richie exchanged confused looks and shrugged. “I guess…”

Max sported a proud, shit-eating grin. “I’d tell you a joke about pizza, but it’d probably be too cheesy,” he punctuated the joke with a deep laugh of his own as they just stared at him.

“I’m lactose intolerant, what the fuck are you talking about?” Richie deadpanned, clearly not getting the joke. Max rolled his eyes dramatically.

“It’s called a joke, dumbass! And it was funny, so you better laugh!” He took a step closer when Richie didn’t immediately comply. “Laugh,” he demanded, deciding to ditch the jokes all together and go for a more “hands on” approach.

“Mahahax! Whahat thehehe hehell?” he asked, thrashing from side to side as he managed to escape Max’s evil clutches.

“Ha! I knew you’d be ticklish! What about you Soanioffski?” he questioned, catching him off guard.

“Wha- me? Max, wahahait!” he cried out as Max targeted him as well. He scribbled up and down Richie’s side while his other hand prodded at Peter’s ribs. Richie flailed around uselessly, shrill giggles filling the air. Peter slapped at his hand, but Max wasn’t deterred in the slightest.

“How come you nerds never told me how ticklish you were? Think of all the fun we could’ve had!” he cheered, shoving his hands underneath both of their arms, eliciting two different giggly shrieks.

“Thahahat’s exahactly why wehe nehehever tohohold you!” Peter whined.

“We gotta make up for lost time then, don’t we? Don’t worry, I can hustle.” They started protesting, shaking their heads and tripping over their words as he wiggled his fingers closer and closer.

He was just about to really strike when Steph came to their rescue.

“Hey, I think we have enough tickets,” she called for their attention, a fond smirk firmly in place.

Max pulled them closer, ruffling their hair as he did so. “Don’t worry, we’ll pick that up again later.”

Y’know… call him crazy, but Peter wasn’t exactly dreading it.

[undreaming-fanfiction]

Joining the Steddie Valentine avalanche!

In all Steve's previous relationships, he was the one taking care of everything related to the Valentine's Day. Chocolates, roses, a nice candlelit dinner, a romantic movie - he did it all because it was expected of him. And sure, he enjoyed doing it, he loved showering his dates with gifts and affection, but it was always about meeting someone else's needs. And sure, dating a guy might be different, but Steve is a giver so he's fully prepared to do the whole spiel with Eddie. He's not fully sure if Eddie would like roses so he's researching, trying to blend the typical Valentine activities and gifts with Eddie's uniqueness. He wants everything to be perfect for Eddie because damn it, he deserves it more than anyone.

So when Eddie shows up under his window after his shift on February 7th, blasting Van Halen's "Why Can't This Be Love", just briefly shouting "stay up there baby, I'm serenading you here and for that you need a balcony or something!" before belting out the lyrics, adding a comment here and there that has Steve snickering in his window:

Whoa, here it comes That funny feeling again Winding me up inside Every time we touch

"And I would love to talk about the touching bit more but you've got neighbors, baby, and they're a nosy bunch, so-"

Hey, I don't know Oh, tell me where to begin 'Cause I never, ever, felt so much Hey!

And I can't recall Any love at all Oh, baby, this blows 'em all away

"And before you ask, yep, wanna talk about the blowing bit too, but still neighbors, we're moving to a cave in the mountains, I tell you..."

It's got what it takes So, tell me why can't this be love? Straight from my heart Oh, tell me why can't this be love?

He ends up kneeling under the window as the tape clicks and he looks at Steve with those large dark eyes, flashes him a toothy grin and digs in his pockets, producing a surprisingly well preserved envelope. "Steve Harrington, the sun of my life which, unlike real sun, isn't hurting my skin or making my head spin, well actually you do the second thing, but in a good way! So you're the superior sun for me. Where was I. Oh yeah. Be my Valentine? In a week. I think. I double-checked the calendar, so it should be a week. What do you say, pretty boy? You and me and some romance? Please say yes, I'm kneeling in the snow here and it's cold as fuck."

Steve is still wheezing with laughter when he assures Eddie that he will be his Valentine, he will be the sun of his life or anything he needs and offers to let him in and warm him but, but Eddie just blows him a kiss, wiggles his finger and shakes his head. "Na-ah Stevie, I've got preparations to do. Which means, no planning or worrying your pretty head, I will handle everything for our big day. Let me just slide this bad boy in," he shows the envelope again, "which I would love to, but innuendos aside, it's just this paper thing and through your door. Open it on the morning of 14th, yeah? And follow the instructions."

And Steve just smiles down at him and blows him a kiss in return, feeling silly but also excited. "Don't I always?"

They end up calling each other in the evening of February 13th, chatting about anything and everything. Steve starts yawning but when Eddie nudges him to go to sleep, he firmly rejects. "I consider anything past midnight morning, you know," he tells Eddie and Eddie's cackling fills his ears as they wait together for the date to change into 14th.

When Steve tears the envelope open with Eddie's quiet blessing, he's surprised to see that there's nothing concrete. Just Be ready at 10, Stevie. Comfortable clothes and that pretty smile of yours are the only two things you'll need.

Eddie snickers when Steve asks him about it. "You always follow instructions, Steve, but you're way too smart about it for your own good. See you in ten hours, love you!" And with that, the phone goes silent.

Steve Harrington knows exactly how Valentine's day normally goes. It's fairly pleasant. Very romantic, all that. It never occurred to him that maybe things could be different...and better.

Eddie picks him up at 10 with hot coffee in travel cups. He asks Steve to hold both and when he does so, Eddie reaches behind his back and produces a single flower, tucks it into Steve's hair. "Flowers are not ideal for where we're going, but there's no way you're not getting at least one," he says, quickly checks the neighborhood and presses his lips against Steve's cheek before heading to his van.

And out of all places he could have thought of, Eddie takes him to a basketball game. He proudly presents the tickets and ushers Steve in, squeezing next to him into uncomfortable plastic chairs. And Steve just stares because he was supposed to be the one taking care of things, he was supposed to choose whatever Eddie likes but Eddie is here, smiling at him, even looking excited. He can't help but ask then, thank him profusely, but Eddie didn't have to, they both know it's not exactly Eddie's thing, is Eddie going to be okay-

But Eddie stops him right there with a squeeze of his hand, warm against Steve's. "I appreciate you thinking about me, Steve, you always do and I love you for it. But you deserve something nice too, you know? And sure, I originally thought - let me give you the whole thing, flowers, chocolates, fancy dinner, but...the more I thought about it, it wasn't you. Or it was, but not really? Because I don't know if you really like those things, if you want to be reminded of those formal dinners with your parents, if you want to sit in a restaurant where we can't even share a dessert because people would be assholes about it. Here," he turns to the crowd humming with anticipation, "no one cares. No one watches us. So we can do something you like and I can hold your hand. And," he admits, pulling a strand of hair in front of his face, "I might have found your...comparison to chess or even strategic games inspiring. It sort of is like a battle. And I need a good fight dynamic for my next campaign for all those nuggets of yours, so...happy Valentine's day, Steve." He phrases it as a question, unsure whether Steve found the explanation enough, but the beaming smile and interlocking of their fingers tells him everything he needs.

Steve doesn't spend the Valentine's day of 1987 sitting in a restaurant with a pretty girl. He goes wild cheering with Eddie by his side, Eddie who shares his hobby as if it was his all along. Their hands are comfortably slotted together and they are drunk on it, being together in public, side by side. When the cheering gets too loud and Steve winces, his head warning him that the noise was too much, Eddie just smiles and reaches into his pocket, producing a carefully wrapped pair of earplugs.

Steve doesn't eat a fancy pasta dish, terrified his fingers will slip and the spaghetti will fly everywhere. He returns with Eddie to his and Wayne's small home (Wayne conveniently having a shift and then stopping by Scott's) where Eddie proudly presents him with a bucket of KFC because "I've heard from a reliable source that someone finds this finger lickin' good." The painful memory has been long overshadowed by the new love and Steve listens to more of Eddie's rambling, explanations on how he thought it's either something he knows Steve likes or experimenting and then eating an inedible disaster, and Steve can't help himself but kiss Eddie to shut him up so he can tell him it's perfect.

Steve doesn't watch a romantic comedy or a period drama that day. Instead, Eddie sits him down to The Golden Girls, one of Steve's not so guilty pleasures, and combs through his hair, laughing at the jokes and arguing with Steve which of the characters is the best.

Steve doesn't get a card, a box of chocolates or something similar. Instead, Eddie gives him a mix tape with all the songs that remind him of Steve, with short recorded explanations in between. Steve wants to keep the tape - and Eddie - forever.

And finally, Steve doesn't give Eddie any generic gift either. Instead, he presents Eddie with curtains for his new room - because Eddie is a self-proclaimed vampire and the morning after Valentine, Steve examines his neck and wonders if those claims were true - with an illustration he commissioned from Will, the Hellfire logo next to the Corroded Coffin one in vivid colors on the textile. As Eddie turns a lovely shade of pink and sputters how wonderful that is, Steve reaches around Eddie's neck and gently claps a chain there, letting Eddie examine the new guitar pick with a small "S+E" engraved into the back side.

Steve Harrington didn't do a single thing he normally does on a Valentine's day during 1987. And, as he whispered to Eddie under their covers when they were falling asleep, now that he saw what the holiday could be about, he could never go back.

[fictionalcharactersaremypassion]

I know it's short

This belongs in the Caught universe

---

Colin had to get out of his house or he might actually murder his dumbass siblings. Well, maybe not Mandy. She wouldn't be taken down easily. His brothers were a different story.

He could've gone to the Alibi or anywhere else to drink away until he was no longer pissed off by everything that moved. And yet, he found himself on North Wallace, about to go inside his girlfriend's house.

Because that was his life now.

It was kinda fucked up how she was able to make his mood better, even times when he didn't want it. He'd told her that too, and she just laughed at him when he was being fucking serious.

Fuckin' Gallagher.

From what he could see outside, the lights were off. It was late, but Fiona shouldn't be in bed yet. Sometimes she watched a bit of TV to unwind. Colin was counting on that being the case tonight so he didn't have to wander through the damn house to get to her bedroom, risking one of her million siblings waking up.

The door would be locked by this time but Colin had a key to let himself in. Not one that she'd given him. He'd taken it from Frank by way of threatening him and when that didn't work because Frank fucking Gallagher never knew when to shut his damn mouth, Colin held a hand around his neck until the guy wheezed out an, "Okay."

Was better this way anyway. Colin heard plenty of complains from Fiona, Lip and Ian how the old asshole was always barging in, taking what wasn't his just to make a quick buck. At least now it wouldn't be as easy for him.

As expected, it was quiet on the inside. The TV was on and there she was, sprawled out on the couch. Her hair was freely splayed, her face lined with exhaustion but

His heart did a real fucking funny thing right then. Jesus, he'd really gone soft.

Feeling slightly awkward even though no one was around, Colin made up for it by flicking her on the side of the head. She swatted at his hand, her groan cut off midway by a yawn that she covered with her forearm.

"Guess playing mommy is hard work, huh?"

"Why are you here?" She muttered, sitting up to give him room. He plopped down, letting her legs drape over his lap.

"That any way to greet your boyfriend?" Colin rubbed her knee with one hand.

"Sorry, I was waiting for the other guy to show up," she shrugged. Her smile was mischievous, shouldn't have been as fuckin' cute as it was.

He smirked. "Yeah? Who's to say I didn't fuck a chick before coming here?"

Fiona was unbothered. "She got better tits than me?"

"Better ass too."

"Too bad she doesn't have better taste in men," she said smoothly.

Colin captured her lips for a rough kiss. "Fuck you," he whispered, lips turning up in a grin.

In the midst of that kiss, he reached for the remote and as soon as she realized it, Fiona tried to get it back but Colin was faster.

"Give it back!"

"Fuck off," Colin blocked her with his other arm, switching the channel through different channels. "Eh, that's shitty. Fuckin' stupid. Who the fuck even watches this? Nah-"

"Colin!" Fiona struggled against him, so he trapped her legs under his.

"Fiona," he mocked.

She rolled her eyes, and gave up trying to escape. "Fucking asshole."

"Damn right."

Once he'd actually found something worthwhile to watch, Colin kept his eyes on the screen, his thumb rubbing her skin. Fiona had her hand in his hair, his curls around her fingers.

Halfway through the show, Fiona started pulling him down with her. "Come on," she said when he looked at her in confusion. "You're tired. Just lay down."

"I'm fine, Gallagher."

"With Terry's DNA? I doubt it."

He narrowed his eyes in the face of her cheeky grin. "You know, I've hurt people for less."

"Okay, Tough Guy," she said, unfazed. "But I'd like the feeling in my legs back so lay down or I'm moving."

For a moment, the TV was the only noise. Colin didn't do stuff like this. Fucking cuddling. There'd been one time she'd invaded his personal space after sex but he'd pretended to be asleep, not knowing how to handle it.

God, he sounded like a pussy.

Feeling awkward for the second time that night, Colin lowered himself down behind her. His arm was over her, legs intertwined, his senses overridden with Fiona's citrusy shampoo.

As for Fiona herself, she was unaware of his thoughts. "You have shitty taste in TV," she sighed, turning over to face him, laying against his body. Colin froze.

Wasn't expecting it to feel as...nice as it did.

What the fuck was happening to him? Interested in a damn relationship and now this girly shit was makin' him feel all warm.

What the fuck are you doing to me, Gallagher? Colin thought, and strangely, he didn't feel upset over it.

[aisclosed]

Match Found ˚ʚ♡ɞ˚ - 13. just Jungwon

Synopsis: Jungwon is sick of his friends' constant teasing over his lack of gaming skills. Determined to secretly improve and prove enha wrong, Jungwon sets out to learn to play, except he has no clue where to begin. Luckily for him, y/n is a girl with too much time on her hands, a desperate need for distraction and is more than happy to indulge him. Only, things are never that simple and Jungwon soon finds it difficult to explain exactly what the pair have become. college Student! Jungwon x gamer! Reader

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(3.1k) written work + SMAU :: warnings: cursing

Jungwon stares blankly at his phone screen. Hundreds of scenarios running through his mind, each one crazier than the last. Why did you suddenly want to call him? Before he can delude himself further his screen lights up with your incoming call. He only gives himself a split second to smile subconsciously at your contact picture before accepting and placing the phone against his ear.  

“Hello? Y/N?”

“Yang Jungwon, I fucking hate you, you know that?” 

Jungwon sits up slightly at the sheer frustration that drips from your tone, his brows furrowed in confusion. 

“Me? What did I do? Are you okay?” 

“No. I am not okay you idiot. I miss you and your stupid face and your annoying voice. And you sending me selfies looking cute is not helping. I am trying my very best to be a responsible friend and not take up your time, why are you tempting me you dimpled freak.” 

Jungwon can’t help but burst into laughter, it was entirely absurd, the way you sounded absolutely vexed at the prospect of not being able to see him. Any hint of fatigue from studying had been replaced entirely by an ear splitting grin, his cheeks aching and warm from your admissions. His heart swelled knowing that your time apart had affected you just as much as it had been affecting him. 

“This is not funny! Stop laughing at me you dickhead. I’m gonna hang up just go back to your work,” you whine into the phone and Jungwon can almost picture your scowling face, complete with jutted lips and knit brows. 

“No, don’t hang up. I miss you too Y/N, I wanna hear your voice,” Jungwon pleads between wheezes. 

“No. You heard my voice already and you laughed at it. You lose all Y/N privileges. Get back to studying, you gotta focus,” you gripe crossly. 

“Come on, just a couple more minutes and then I’ll let you go, hm?” Jungwon asks, smiling fondly to himself when you respond with an exaggerated sigh. 

“Alright fine, I guess I can spare you a couple more minutes since you miss me so much. How are you doing, Wonnie? You tired?”

“I'm doing alright, lowkey exhausted. I would be better if I saw you more,” Jungwon admits softly, “All I see are the guys and my textbooks. So I'm kinda going crazy, hence my messages about me dying.” Jungwon huffs, leaning back in his chair to rub at his temples, the dull ache slowly returning again at the thought of his upcoming kinesiology exam. 

“Hmm.. yeah that sounds rough. Have you eaten? Maybe you need some food in your system?”

“Yeah I ate a banana earlier. Everyone in the house has been too busy to cook or go grocery shopping so we’re living off of ramen for the week. It's not too bad though, we switch up the brand so we don't get sick of it.”

Jungwon pauses at the lack of response on your end, hearing only the rustle of you moving around the room. “Y/N? You good?” 

“Yeah, I’m here Jungwon, my bad. Just grabbing a jacket and my shoes. I'm gonna head out for a bit.”

“Oh. Okay, well if you’re busy, we can hang up.” Jungwon offers half heartedly, fiddling with the edge of his papers. 

“Uh. Yeah I'm really sorry Won, I promise I was listening. It's just gonna be a bit loud where I'm going so I don't want to disturb you. I'll make it up to you okay? I missed you a lot and it was nice talking to you, really.” 

“Yeah, you're fine Y/Nnie thanks for calling, I needed it. Be safe when you're out okay? Text me if anything happens.” 

“Mhmmm I will, good luck with studying! You got this! I'll see you soon. Byeee!!” 

Jungwon draws his phone away from his ear slowly, blinking at how abruptly you had left the call. Exhaling slowly, he turns back to his desk, engrossing himself back into his studies.

It isn't until he hears the tell-tale slam of the front door that Jungwon jolts out of his trance. He slid his gaze over to his phone to see that over an hour had passed since you hung up, his screen empty of notifications. Extending his arms above his head, Jungwon stretches slowly, his muscles groaning and popping in protest. 

He’s mid stretch when he hears faint conversation in the kitchen downstairs. Jungwon cocks his head in confusion, zeroing in on the noises outside, he could almost swear that he heard a girl’s voice. Shrugging off his curiosity, Jungwon turns back to his notes, looking over the hastily scribbled diagrams and notation. 

“Jungwonie~” Sunghoon raps on his door, cracking it open to stick his head inside. His eyes bounce around the room until they land on Jungwon, crinkling in a playful smile. “I have a surprise for you~. A very very special visitor-”

Jungwon doesn't even have time to question Sunghoon before he’s pushed aside, causing the door to swing open with him. 

“Oh my god Sunghoon, move. It's just me. Why are you acting like you're fucking Oprah,” you grumble, making your way into Jungwon’s room. 

 Jungwon lights up at the sight of you, arms flying open automatically in invitation, “Y/N! What are you doing here?”. 

“Hey bestie~, a little birdie told me someone missed me,” you chuckle, accepting his hug. Jungwon uses the opportunity to pull you onto his lap, nuzzling his face into your neck happily. 

“You guys are gross. I’m the one who actually stopped her from leaving without seeing you and you can't even give me the time of day,” Sunghoon sulks, leaving with a theatrical glare, slamming the door behind him.

Jungwon tilts his head at Sunghoon’s words, looking up at you inquisitively for an explanation. 

You roll your eyes, running your fingers through his hair gently, lightly scratching at his scalp. Jungwon preens like a feline at your touch, his eyes fluttering shut at the sensation. “I was just stopping by to drop off some proper food for you and the boys because you said all of you hadn’t eaten well. I ran into Sunghoon on your doorstep on his way out somewhere and he let me in. I wanted to just leave the food and go so I wouldn't distract you but Hoon said you’d want me to say Hi at least.”

“I can’t believe you were gonna just leave without even seeing me,” Jungwon frowns up at you accusingly, his grip on you tightening slightly. 

Your jaw ticks slightly as you struggle to justify your actions. As much as you had wanted to see Jungwon, you thought it would only make things harder. You were right. It felt wrong to act like everything was okay when it felt like your whole world was teetering on your shoulders. 

Your hands stutter slightly in their ministrations against his scalp, sliding down to rest at the nape of his neck. With his arms securely wrapped around you and the warmth of his gaze, it was so easy to be lulled into this sense of false security. 

You wanted nothing more than to spill out all of your frustrations and worries. To just cry and let Jungwon wipe your tears, and tell you everything would be okay.

No. Your whole life you’ve disillusioned yourself enough with false promises and hopes, you couldn’t guarantee anything right now. Until you spoke with your father, you had no clue of the seriousness of the whole dating situation. There was a chance that it merely a suggestion, with nothing binding you to going through with it.

You wouldn't burden Jungwon with your superficial issues, not when his eyes already drooped with fatigue, ringed with dark circles as evidence of his late nights. So you swallow back the confessions that threaten to escape from your lips, giving Jungwon an easy smirk and flicking his forehead gently. 

“Well you got to see me, so no point in sulking. I just didn’t want to take up your time, you look enough like a zombie already.” you tease softly, tracing small stars on his neck. 

“Ugh, trust me I feel worse than a zombie,” Jungwon scoffs, burying his face back into the crook of your neck, “If I have to look at another joint ligament or femur I think I’ll actually drop out and become a tik tok dancer or some shit.” 

“Aww poor baby.” You coo at Jungwon teasingly, snickering when he pinches your side in retaliation, mumbling insults against your skin. “Seriously though Jungwon, make sure to get proper rest and eat well okay? I brought some curry for you and some random dishes for the other boys. Don’t stress yourself out, you know the material, you’re gonna do amazing I know you are.”

Jungwon’s response is muffled but you can still pick apart his whispers of thanks and assent to your requests. You look down at his tucked figure fondly, resting your head against his own. 

The comfortable silence settles between the two of you, and you let yourself melt against Jungwon, exhaling deeply. Your relief is short lived as your mind soon begins to travel again towards your future with the company and Jaemin. Suddenly Jungwon’s hold feels suffocating, a slight sense of panic settling in your bones as think about the fast approaching changes to your life.

Feeling you tense up, Jungwon lifts his head, scanning your face with searching eyes. “Y/N? What's wrong?” 

Shaking your head dismissively, you smile in what you prayed was a convincing manner. “Just some company shit with my Dad that's stressing me out. I’ll tell you more once I actually know the proper details.” 

Jungwon scrutinizes you, before nodding slowly, “Okay, if you’re sure.”

You clear your throat awkwardly, shaking his arms off of you and sliding off of his lap, “I’m certain. Anyways, I should probably get going, you have to study. Enjoy the food okay?”

“What? No.” Jungwon says incredulously, your arm firmly locked in his grasp, “Stay.”

You huff exasperatedly, “Stay and do what Jungwon, you’re gonna be studying. Plus I’m tired, so I'm gonna head home and take a nap.” 

“You can nap here! Come on, I won’t get distracted by you I swear. I just want you here with me,” Jungwon pouts up at you, slumping in disappointment when you wiggle your arm free of his hold. 

"I fucking hate this cute ass man. He is the literal bane of my existence," you sigh inwardly, giving in as always. You were starting to think Jungwon had cast a spell on you, rendering you unable to refuse him. 

“Alright, fine you win. You can put the fucking pout away, I’ll stay.” You shove his head lightly, walking over to flop onto his bed, wriggling until you’re snug under his duvet. Jungwon’s comforting scent envelops you and you can’t help but inhale it slowly, already feeling the drowsiness tug at your eyelids. 

You peek at Jungwon to find him already staring back at you, a soft smile on his face as he watches you get comfortable in his bed. “What?” you ask defensively, flustering under his affectionate gaze.  “Do your work or I’m gonna leave” you threaten and Jungwon raises his hands in surrender, turning back to his work with a barely stifled smile on his face. 

It’s not long before you’re fast asleep, snoring softly into Jungwon’s pillows. Much like Jungwon, you have had numerous sleepless nights since the performance, albeit for entirely different reasons. 

It’s an hour later when Jake quietly comes into Jungwon’s room, eyes widening at the sight of you knocked out in his bed. 

“Yo, I was just coming in to say thank you to Y/N for the food. My bad, I didn’t know she was sleeping, is she good?” Jake whispers. 

Jungwon considers your slumbering form, chewing on his bottom lip in contemplation, “Yeah, I’m not sure. I can tell something’s bothering her but she’s not too keen on sharing and I didn’t want to push her. I managed to get her to stay for a bit so hopefully she gets some rest and feels up to talking about it.”

Jake looks at Jungwon’s worried demeanor, the way his eyes are trained on you and can’t help the smile that stretches across his face. “You really like her huh?” 

Startled Jungwon faces Jake with wide eyes, “Y-yeah? I mean she’s a really good friend and we just get each other you know? She's really important to me I guess,” he stammers. 

Jake snorts, shaking his head, “Yeah right, dude you know what I meant. Come on, you two are literally obsessed with each other. When are you gonna make your move bro? You never know who might try and steal her away before you even get your chance.”

“I don’t know hyung.” Jungwon pauses, his jaw clenching slightly at the thought of you with someone other than him. “I do like her a lot, maybe even more than that at this point. But I don’t want to risk anything right now you know? She’s a CEO’s daughter and I’m literally a college student worrying about midterms. I just feel like we’re at such different levels, I want to be able to take care of her,” he frowns. 

“Right now, all she’s been doing is helping me out basically, more than you guys even know. And then she did the whole makeup crew thing and now the food. I’m so so grateful for Y/N and everything she does for me. But every time, it just serves as a reminder that when it comes down to it, I’m not sure I can do the same for her. What can I possibly give her that she doesn’t have? If anything I’m dead weight, and I so badly want to be selfish and just ignore it and make her mine-” Jungwon halts as you shift slightly, he had become so absorbed in venting his feelings that he hadn’t realized his gradually increasing volume. 

Jake and Jungwon hold their breath, eyes bouncing back and forth between each other and your stirring figure before you settle down again, letting out a puff of sleep. 

Relieved, the pair exhale gratefully and Jungwon starts again, his tone lowered to a  discouraged mumble. “Anyways, I’m working on getting the confidence to actually do something. But it’s hard hyung, I’d rather be her friend forever than risk it and not have her at all. She could probably have her pick of the most successful men in Seoul, why would she pick me? I’m just Jungwon.”

“Dude, I get it. I really do. Y/N’s great and that can be daunting, but Won, there’s a reason she’s here in your bed. It’s not like she ever really tries to hide the fact that she’s whipped for you bro. If anything she’s probably holding back because you won’t let her breathe in our direction and then you go on twitter and best-friend zone her because you’re too scared to confess that you like her.” 

Jake smiles encouragingly, “She’s right in front of you Jungwon, don’t let her slip away,” with a final pat on Jungwon’s shoulder, he turns to leave. As Jake shuts the door, he spies Jungwon staring at you quietly, gently brushing away the stray hairs from your face. “Idiots in love I swear,” he laughs to himself. 

Jungwon barely registers the click of the door closing, his focus entirely on the way you lean into his fingers, a faint smile tugging at his lips. He slips his phone out of his pocket, snapping a quick picture of you swaddled in his comforters and pillows. 

As his gaze drags over your features, the slight part of your lips as you let out puffs of air, Jungwon’s mind wanders to Jake’s words. If it meant that Jungwon got to see this sight more often, maybe it was worth the risk. 

Jungwon eyes his notes and the clock, weighing the options internally. He sighs as he reaches his decision, not that he had much of a choice anyways when you and his bed looked so enticing. Truthfully, he had already resigned himself to this fate as soon as he had felt the soft flesh of your cheek against his fingers. And so, Jungwon pulls his hoodie over his head, draping it on the back of his chair. Gingerly, he slides into bed next to you, trying not to rouse you from your sleep. 

The dip in the mattress just barely tugs you from your slumber and you look up blearily at Jungwon. “Wonnie?” you slur, voice raspy from lack of use , eyes fighting to stay open.

Jungwon smiles down at you fondly, his hands slipping just under the hem of your shirt to rub soothingly against the small of your back. “Go back to sleep baby I’m right here,” he whispers softly, guiding your head back down to rest against his chest.

You're unable to muster anything but a pleased grunt in response, happily curling up against Jungwon, your legs tangling with his. In the comfort of the warmth radiating from Jungwon and the addled state of your sleep-ridden mind, your guard slips and a mumbled confession escapes your lips “Don’t wanna lose this Jungwon.”

Your words are so quiet and jumbled that Jungwon's not entirely sure he even heard them properly. He's given no chance to process them or question you before you’re sound asleep again, drooling slightly on his shirt. He mulls over your words silently, wondering if it had anything to do with what was bothering you that you refused to tell him about. 

“Why is there so much to think about,” Jungwon groans internally, “Fuck it, I give up on trying to make sense of all of this. I’m just gonna focus on passing first. I’m gonna ace my midterms and then I’m gonna figure out how to ask Y/N out without making a fool of myself.” 

With a new, steely determination set in his mind, Jungwon tugs you even closer, finally allowing himself to fully relax into your touch. He brushes a soft kiss against your forehead, making a mental note to tease you for drooling on him later. 

Jungwon’s not sure of the outcome of the changes that loom over the two of you. If he makes his move and it all goes downhill he may never have the chance to hold you like this again. But for now you're here, and having you firmly within his grasp is comforting enough to allow Jungwon’s eyes to flutter close and his mind to finally succumb to sleep. 

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a/n: rip fluff :( my poor stupid oblivious idiots. who's gonna tell jungwon he probably has less than 4 days :////

tell me ur thoughts <3 hope u enjoyed hehe

taglist: open! send me an ask to be added! <3

@woncloudie @itsactuallylina @ifearjwn @fadedluvv @mangowonyo @xiaoderrrr @shinsou-rii @aki1e @makiswrld @jaehaki @criyiy @ilovewonyo @zeraaax @climbingmandevillas @pkjay @flower-lise @koudnd @beomgyusonlywife @dimplewonie @lacimolela @enhacatalog @llama-lyna @ahnneyong @coalalalinha @cupidsheqrts @curly-fr13s @jungwonsgfnameyukie @sserafimez @run2seob @luvlee1313 @strwberrydinosaur @sweetjaemss @kimipxl @simp4jakesim @chirokookie

[azucar-skull]

#3 Raph and Mikey? :3

Sure thing! I used a random injury generator for what injury Mikey is gonna get and I got "Your character has a needle wound on the front of the left side of their neck."

So this is gonna be fun!

3. "Hey, hey, shhhh. Shhhh. You're okay." With Raph and Mikey.

Prompt List

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.

There's some D-List villains terrorizing the streets on southern Manhattan. The turtles parkored across roof tops to get over there as soon as possible. The villains themselves were this wolf and fox yokai. The twins went after the wolf. The sunset duo went after the fox.

The fox yokai ducked into a dark alley and Mikey was hot on his tail.

"Mikey, wait up!", Raph called out as he tried squeezing through the cramped alley.

"Come on, Raph, hurry!", Mikey called back, still darting after the fox.

Mikey was tunnel-vision focused on capturing the shifty fox. It was funny how yokais like foxes and wolves were seen as evil, always the villain in a story. Mikey started to wonder why was that? How come folklore choose these creatures as bad guys?

The fox hit a dead end wall. Cornered, Mikey slowed down and readied himself for when the fox decided to bolt. But instead, the fox began fumbling for something inside his coat. What was he grabbing? A gun?

Mikey wasted no chance, summoning his mystic chains and capturing the villain's wrists.

"Hands where I can see them, fox!", Mikey ordered.

In restraining the fox, whatever he was holding spilled out of his hand and clattered on the ground. A syringe. Full of a glowing blue liquid.

"...What is that?", Mikey asked, trying to keep a brave face.

"Wouldn't you like to know, little tortoise..."

"Hey, I'm a turtle. Get yo' facts straight."

"Mikey?! Where'd you go?!", Raph shouted in the distance.

The second Mikey took a glance behind to call for his brother, the fox yanked itself out of the mystic chains and lunged for the syringe. Mikey was a split second too late to stop him before the fox charged at him with the syringe.

"WOAH, WATCH IT, HOSS!", Mikey sassed as he gripped the fox's wrists as the fox pushed back with all his might.

The syringe inched closer and closer and Mikey was doing everything in his power to push back against the fox. In a feeble attempt to escape, Mikey threw his weight into tumbling on his side. But in doing so, the needle jabbed into the front left of his neck upon impact. He feels the rush of something ice cold seep into his neck as he screamed, yanking the syringe out. Okay, not a smart move. He chucked the syringe on the ground, watching it shatter as the glowing blue sheen dissolved into the concrete. He clasped a hand around his neck, glaring at the fox.

"What the fuck was in that?!", Mikey rasped for answers. All the fox did was cackle and began scurrying off. "Hey! HEY! GET BACK HERE--"

The world began to tilt, wobbling and distorting like waves of blueish hues. Mikey stared down at his hands, a blurry bright blue trail following his silhoutte that refused to stop swaying and swaying and swaying...

"...Woah...", Mikey muttered. His voice was soft, almost inaudible. Simply because breathing became a super hard task.

Mikey caught himself on his knees before he could collapse, heaving and wheezing. He tried to breathe as deeply as he could but it was as if he was high up on a mountain, the air was incredibly thin. Sifting through his hands like sand, unable to grab on.

Large echoing footsteps shook the place. A large shadow casted over Mikey with glowing red eyes. The creature made a loud roar, approaching him. Mikey stumbled back in a wheezing panic, trying to escape the beast, but found himself cornered. How did this wall get here??? He had no choice but to face the monster head on. He tried to summon his chains but all he got were sparks of orange light that failed to grab on and take form.

The monster grabbed him.

Mikey screamed, heaving for air as he began to suffocate against it. He struggled in the beast's hold, flailing his arms about to try and push away or claw at its face or to do anything to get away. The beast roared louder and louder. Its claws grabbed his face tightly, roaring louder and louder.

Until the roars sounded like words.

"...key! Mikey! Mikey, snap outta it! It's Raph!"

Raph? Mikey heaved, blinking his eyes in hopes to abate the swaying blurs of blues. The red eyes dimmed, revealing the red mask covering his brother's face. His kind, smiling, reassuring face. Mikey's vision began to blur again, but this time with tears.

"Raphieeeeeee...", the youngest whined. "I feel weird."

"Hey, hey, shhhh. Shhhh. You're okay.", the oldest soothed. "You're okay, Raphie's gotcha. Our brothers are coming."

Good. This was good. Everything would be okay. Mikey heaved a sigh as he found himself collapsing against Raph's plastron. Raph wasted no time, scooping his little brother up before he could fall. Mikey couldn't manage more than lolling his head against Raph's shoulder and heaving for air. Even now that he wasn't not moving, the world was still swaying a dizzying amount. He'd probably vomit in a bit.

"Hey, big man, you gotta breathe. You're breathing very shallow.", Raph pleaded softly. "...Why are your eyes glowing blue?"

Was he? Mikey couldn't tell. He was trying his darndest to breathe as deeply as he could and even then it was a struggle. Splotches of black began to fill his vision. He could barely make out what was happening around him.

"...h thank pizza supreme. Leo, you gotta help-- What's with Donnie? Why are his eyes glowing red?"

"Long story..."

"OMIGOSHHIRAPHHIMIKEYOHWOWMIKEYYOUDON'TLOOKSOGOODDON'TYOUAGREELEOHEDOESN'TLOOKGOODWHYAREHISEYESBLUETHATISSOFUNNYIT'SLIKEHOWMYEYESAREREDHAHAHA"

"Okay, Dontron, deep breath."

*the quickest deep breath known to mankind*

"Okay...good...Uh, go stand over there and count to 1000."

"OKAYYEPSUREMHMICANDOTHATANOBRAINERWATCHTHIS123456789101112..."

"Hey, Mikey...what's going on?"

"He's strugglin' to breathe. Seems kinda outta it."

"Gotcha. Here, lemme grab Don's ventilator tech thingy."

Before Mikey knew it, air was being forcibly pulled in and out of his mouth. The black splotches began to fade away yet the world still swirled in shades of blue. At least it was enough to get his bearings. His eyes drifted to the side to see his other brothers. Leo was actively checking over Mikey's heartbeat and the puncture in his neck. Donnie's eyes were glowing red as he vibrated with such intensity in the corner muttering numbers to himself.

"9979989991000HAHALEOIDIDN'TDIDYOUSEEDIDYOUSEEMEHAHAHAHAHAHAHAWOOOOIBETTHATWASANEWRECORDORSOMETHINGIBETYOURASSICOULDREACHINFINITYHAHAHAHAHAIDON'TCARETHATIT'SILLOGICALICANTAKEOVERTHEWORLDFUCKYOUELON"

"Donnie. Breathe. Slow.", Leo spat in a no-nonsense tone. Donnie began hyperventiliating and Leo raised a brow at him. "Slower. ....Slower... Good. Keep it at that pace." He turned to Raph. "I'm calling the tank, let's get out of here."

"Good call. ...Is Donnie gonna be okay?"

"Eh, he'll be fine. Must be some adrenaline booster or something. He should tucker out soon. Mikey, though, it's hard to say what happened to him. Some kind of poison, I guess. Nothing we can do except ride it out. Make sure his vitals are stable."

"How long is that gon' take?"

"Few hours??? I don't know. This is mystic stuff."

Mikey let the sounds of his brothers talking wash over him, too dizzy to keep up. His eyes slipped shut, just relishing in the fact he could breathe again.

When Mikey woke again, he's lying down in something soft. Bright light filled the room and thankfully the world was colorful again. Though these colors were dull. Shame. There was something beeping off to the side and he still had the ventilator latched on his face. He also heard a groan.

"...Ughhh...I feel like I got ran over by a tank...", Donnie grumbled in the gurney beside him.

"Yeah, I expected as much. Just try and get some rest, Dee.", Leo reassured. "How you feeling, Mikey?"

"Well...I can breathe again...", the box turtle shrugged.

Raph chuckled. "Yeah, you gave me quite the scare back there. Next time, don't go running off without me."

"Wouldn't dream of it."

.

.

.

Boom. Happy ending. Happy now? See? I can do happy shit too, I'm not a monster-- agdgdhadfhfdh

[aroacenezhaanddainsleif]

God Squad causes problems (aka when you're the only gods around for thousands of years, you start to discuss stupid things)

Yandi: I have a question: is the ocean a soup? Yanming: yes. it's got meat and vegetables. Laojun: ... Yandi: You seem concerned about that Nezha: THE OCEAN IS SOUP, LAOJUN Laojun: well, i am concerned. about calling the animals meat. for the soup. Nezha: .....they're alive meat? Laojun: Nezha: YOU are alive meat, Laojun. Yanming: well, he's not wrong. Laojun: I know that, just... calling the little creatures meat and vegetables for the soup- Yanming: -it's funny. Nezha: LOOK LAOJUN, IN THE CONTEXT OF SOUP, IT'S ALIVE SOUP. Yandi: there we have it; the ocean is alive soup to us gods. Yanming: ......why did we even talk about this?

...

Nezha, meeting Laojun again w/ Hei and the other kids: you still sad about the alive soup, Laojun? Laojun: Xiaohei: what the fuck are you guys talking about.

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Yandi: Wait, if baby oil dissolves condoms, what does it do to babies? Laojun: Believe it or not, babies and condoms are made of different materials. Yanming: It’s like rock paper scissors. Baby oil defeats condom, baby defeats baby oil, condom defeats baby. Nezha: Rock also defeats baby.

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Yanming: They... well, I wouldn't call it inheritance per se. What do you call it when you kill someone and get their stuff? Laojun: Uh... murder?? Yandi: Adventuring. Nezha: Tuesday.

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Nezha, aka "the only one who actually currently lives in the modern world" Laojun: I didn’t know that air fryers are a real thing. Used to think that they were made up by the internet as a funny joke and that their purpose was to “fry air”. Yandi: WAIT, BUT IT FRIES THE AIR TO FRY THE FOOD? Laojun: I DIDN’T KNOW IT WAS A KITCHEN APPLIANCE, MY FIRST ASSUMPTION WAS SOMETHING AKIN TO AN AIR CONDITIONER! Yanming: IT’S NOT LIKE AN AIR CONDITIONER? Nezha: You guys clearly don’t own an air fryer.

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Yanming: What does your own spiritual realm contain? Emperor Yan: Pennies. Yanming: How many? Laojun: Pennies. Yanming: You're not the first person I've asked this today, but how many? Nezha: Pennies. Yanming: I hope all of you get stuck somewhere and you have to consume each other's souls to survive.

Bonuses:

(If Wuxian + friends raised Hei as a baby)

Xuanli: everyone loves chili dogs Laojun: I don't think he can eat solid food. Wuxian: Then put it in the blender? (Yanming: ...you're all the worst.) Nezha: well, if you say so. (picks up Xiaohei) Laojun/Wuxian: THE CHILI DOG, NOT THE BABY!

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Qingning was still learning English. Laojun: can you ask me again what you just asked me? what was that question? i don't think- i didn't hear you. (young) Qingning: when can we have lesbian? Laojun: mhm. okay. maybe i did hear you right. um. i don't know what- i don't know what that is. i don't know what you mean. Qingning: lesbian! Laojun: no, no i know what you said, but i don't think that word means what you think it means. Qingning: it's like spaghetti. Laojun: (stifling tears of laughter) excuse me. do you mean lasagna?? Qingning: yeah! Laojun: okay. um. yeah, i'm sure we can have lasagna soon! does that sound good? Qingning: yeup! (Xuanli wheezing breathlessly in the background)