#guys being gays

[anantplayingdnd]

my favorite result of messing around with the barovian calendar is that I needed to figure out what year “Zero” is, because this is a calendar Strahd invented, and it’s worth chronicling at least some years before his own birth, so obviously that’s off the table.

So, Strahd set Year Zero as Rahadin’s birthyear.

[giantkillerjack]

Sorry bro I can't come out tonight it's Fat Cock Friday and Fingers In His Mouth Friday. ...Yeah it's a double holiday I'll be busy all day... Huh? Oh yeah for sure bro you can come over!

[inkskinned]

she's singing in another room and my dog is asleep at my feet. my grandma asked me why i haven't found a man yet and i laughed. oh, you know. i like my house clean.

my girlfriend is also my man is also "my partner" if i'm in a professional setting. yesterday we went to a ren faire and a man mimed at me - you're together? and at my delighted nod, his baffled, you're gay? made me laugh. a woman with rainbow hair said i love the two of you together. you're both so beautiful it's absurd.

my dad introduced my partner as my "..... friend. or whatever" the other day. he knows we're dating. in the same way, i was never able to get my sister's husband to stop saying that's gay like it's 2008. he still uses the word fa***t, and my sister's defense of him has always been well, he's just kidding.

my lover and i dance to old music in a tiny kitchen. we judge new music together and take food critique very seriously. we watch love is blind before we fall asleep and agree that if they had a queer season, it would be bloody but also make for excellent tv. of fucking course queer people would know someone for only 2 weeks and agree to get married. what are you saying.

at a bar with friends, a man puts his hand on my wrist. got a boyfriend? and yes, i do have a boyfriend, she's amazing. i am texting her while i wander around a gas station named after geese. i am visiting a swing state for a wedding. in the candy aisle i overhear: she's actually like a lesbian it's disgusting. two teenage girls with packaged sandwiches in their hands, giggling. no literally, like. i'm not, like. okay with her being there while we're all, like, naked and changing.

my girlfriend and i tailgate, drink gin and cider out of cups. from the frat group beside us, a man corrects himself with one of his friends: bro, i mean, nonbinary entity, and it makes everyone around him laugh, myself included. he razzes his friend the same way i would have killed for at 19 years old - like nothing happened, he continues: you apply sunscreen like an alien. he does a little sassy (and fairly accurate) dance interpretation of the motion. his friend is laughing so hard they're crying.

i am lucky, i live in a safe neighborhood in a safe state. my masc passenger princess comes up from DC. i drive her for an hour to where all the leaves are a violent arrangement of color. we walk along the trails, letting autumn into our blood. in this part of the state, there's a lot of pickup trucks and trump signs. when we chastely kiss before getting into the car, i accidentally make eye contact with a woman holding her child's wrist. she looks disgusted. she looks fucking pissed.

two hours later my girl and i are eating dinner on a patio, soaking in the last warmth of new england sun before the chill of winter sets in. we are giggling and trying to talk through plastic vampire teeth. at another table, i see a young woman sit up straighter. i watch her watch us. she blushes and takes her partner's hand from across the table. shy, like the taste of evening has just become something deeper.

it's worth it for this moment, i think. my lover is still humming the same song she's been singing for four days straight and i don't want to kill her for it. her guitar is beside my bed. her toothbrush is in my bathroom. in a few moments i will make us lunch. we are lucky enough to have found each other. it is lucky enough to be in love.

[cidnangarlond]

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

...Turns out gay sex actually was the solution.

(This is basically a redraw, come read the real deal over at Tiger Tiger)

[lxnarphase]

fratboy!satoru who always listens to his other frat brothers talk about their pregnancy scares with the girls they've been with, the amount of times a condom slipped off or ripped, the times they nearly forgot to pull out, and the times a late period almost gave them heart attacks

but he has nothing to contribute.

he sits with a smug smirk on his face, chewing on the toothpick hanging between his teeth. oh, if only they knew.

"satoru doesn't even have pregnancy scares, he's just that good."

"lucky bastard, i lost count of how many times me and my girlfriend had to get a plan-b."

"what's your secret, satoru?!"

he doesn't have to worry about that, and probably never will, not when he has his darling of a boyfriend who takes every inch of his cock like a champ, crying at the mere mention of pulling out before he spills inside of you. just thinking about it as him shifting, spreading his legs a bit more to keep his hardening cock from being too obvious.

he shrugs, looking up at the ceiling as he bounces his leg. "huh. i dunno, guess i'm just that good. maybe next time I'll fuck 'em like i'm trying to put a baby in them, maybe that'll change it," he says with a stupid grin.

[hitmewithsomebooks]

James who one day has a smudge on his glasses

They’re usually pretty clean, it’s the one thing he keeps up on (to see, yk?)

But he’s talking to Regulus and suddenly Regulus is staring at one of his eyes and James is kind of concerned and confused a little lost in Regulus’s pretty eyes on him

And then Reg just grabs his glasses, cleans them on his robe, and slides them back on his face (positioned perfectly, might I add)

James who begins to purposely get things on his glasses

Dust, food, mud — one time he purposely dumped a bag of flour over his head (and walked around blindly till Regulus grabbed him, cleaned his glasses, and left the rest of the flour).

Just so Reg will look at him, so he can feel his fingertips brush James’s face when he takes hold of the glasses, just so he can see that amused little smirk.

And yes, Regulus catches on. It’s quite obvious, in true James Potter fashion.

But he doesn’t say anything, doesn’t call him out. He just keeps cleaning those glasses. Cuz it makes them both happy.

[versatancore]

*charles just passing by*

pierre : i'm not gay but damn.

lewis : it's not gay to compliment another man bro it's okay.

max : to be honest, i'd fuck him.

george : see now? that's gay.

[therealneilperry]

Like, the crux of House and Wilson’s relationship for Wilson is that Wilson is somewhat preforming kindness and empathy, and around House he doesn’t have to. He can be fucked up and a little weird, and play increasingly destructive pranks. He can fight with house, and punch him in the face and ask him to dinner a second later and he doesn’t have to preform normality because there is genuinely nothing he can do to ruin this friendship.

And the crux of House and Wilson’s relationship for House is that Wilson see past House’s bs and sees the sliver kindness in House’s heart, the one house keeps hidden away deep under layers of sarcasm and insults. It’s not all the time, as house still gets defensive when Wilson says something that hits a “sore spot”, but House is still kinder with Wilson than he is with anyone else, he shares his fears with Wilson, and makes sacrifices to make him happy. He doesn’t have to preform his “asshole persona” because Wilson’s the only safe person to be venerable with.

This is why they need each other, because they have to preform with everyone else, and they always end up back together because we all need someone we can be authentic with, and it’s why they’re so lonely without each other.

[dragonboyteeth]

I love being fully unaware of YouTuber drama and which channels are "popular." My first reaction at the start of that section was "who the hell is James Somerton"

[scintillatingshortgirl19]

i think im having a stroke

[urfavsherlockholmeskinnie]

Barty: I’m a reverse necromancer!

Evan: Isn’t that just-

Regulus: No. Shut up. Shut the fuck up. You are literally so fucking unfunny that it hurts. It physically hurts my body knowing that people still think murder is funny. I cant believe im saying this but do you guys know how chronically online you all are, thinking that saying “oOh iM a rEVeRsE nECrOmANcER i LOvE tO kiLL pEOpLe” is genuinely funny and will get everyone in the room shitting themselves from laughter?? cause its not. It’s fucking not. In fact, its the unfunniest fucking joke ever. Not just any joke about killing people. This one specifically. Its so unfunny and stupid. Nobody is fucking laughing at that, Barty. It makes you look like a greasy emo kid who has never been outside once in their life and uses tumblr religiously. Like not even the funny side of tumblr. the fucking unfunny side filled with overused jokes about murder and illegal acts. Honestly, youre so unfunny, Barty. Fuck you.

Barty:

Evan:

Barty, whispering: What happened to him?

Evan, whispering back: I think he saw James being nice to a girl in his class this morning and he got jealous

[kidicaruslover911]

fictional or not i love women and i might just perish if i don’t get to kiss one right now.

“wowzerz😰” i say wishing upon a star.

[devotedlyconfused]

For those of you who have decided to follow me, you will be subjected to whatever has currently given me brain worms and that changes like a roulette wheel

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

Swapping tips on how to be a bestie in the bath.

[zhombiez]

his biggest fan <33