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biggest-gaudiest-patronuses · 1 year ago

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going through my old journals as part of therapy homework and i'm reading a section written in the emotional wreckage of a full-on breakdown when i get hit with this line:

There is never a satisfying answer to ‘Why didn’t they love me?’

like wow babe. good fucking point

#like you were on the ground biting the carpet and dry sobbing while you wrote that and still. good fucking point #not a shitpost #cptsd #and it's true. there's never a satisfying answer #the truth is i know why i wasn't loved #i analyzed my parent's traumas and abuse to death. i understand why i alienated and was alienated from my siblings #i know why my mom was too overwhelmed to be capable of nurturing #i know why my dad vanished into addiction and avoidance #the details of our cycles of trauma and cptsd and family history i have a phd in all of it #i understood perfectly. i spent years studying and now i knew the answer #and guess what? IT WAS NOT SATISFYING!!!#because they still didn't love me! and i still couldn't change that!#it was still a completely unsatisfying state of affairs!#so like. when the people who are supposed to love you...don't.#when the people who are supposed to take care of you...fail to #you can look for answers and reasons and explanations #but that's not actually going to FIX your situation.#and it's probably not within your ability TO fix the situation. (and definitely not your job)#because you don't need answers--you need a new situation #*inserts Just Walk Out. You Can Leave!!! (Running Skeleton) Meme*#and yes. walking out isn't always possible.#but for you i hope it will be one day soon. and i hope you build the courage to take that leap.#stepping away from the people who failed to love you...it feels like being untethered but also like being lighter than air #new and scary. immensely relieving. the future opens up. empty but empty like a canvas. blindingly bright until your eyes adjust #like climbing out of a pit you called home and for the first time realizing how bright the light of day can truly be #when you aren't just getting glimpses from the bottom of a hole

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raycatzdraws · 1 year ago

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Wolfie and Four friendship appreciation doodles! They're shared secrets besties! I hope Four's distrust of the shadow crystal doesn't drive anything between them. Wild found his way into this compilation with a force. It seems I can't draw Wolfie and not include him too!

#linked universe #linkeduniverse #lu four #lu twilight #lu wolfie #lu wild #lu legend #lu hyrule #fairy hyrule #I drew most of these on my weekends at camp #hence the swearing probably lol can't swear in front of the campers #man I did not leave that mountain for the whole summer and I wouldn't have it any other way #I was there 6+ weeks straight #some of the other counselors who also stayed and I would occasionally make the hour drive into town #a bunch of us went to see the Barbie movie together and like 2/3 through the film the fire alarm went off and we were evacuated ajhsgfsdf #we all held hands to not be separated in case there was an actual emergency and some guy was like 'look at the preschoolers'#AND AAAAA I won't be separated from my counselor buddies!!!! RAAAHH this is what we would have gotten the kids to do #so I guess we're just too good at our jobs lol #that one LU post with the lads lined up with their bows? It's AWESOME #but I taught a bunch of kids archery this summer and none of the lads have the right posture lol #I'm walking up and down that line readjusting all of them ahsgdsdf #Imagine Wars going to Wind though like 'remember to pull back to your smile! :D '#and Wind just deadeye staring him down like you serious rn?#caught and removed a scorpion from the lake cabin biffy this summer - that was very exciting #calmed the campers down and put them to bed and then rolled up my sleeves and asked the program staff who was staying with us #for emotional support #her only experience with scorpions was from animal crossing so she was like 'get ready to run' and I'm- I think we'll be okay #anyways it's her perched on one of the toilets with a spray bottle of bleach and me with an empty tupperware from dinner #I caught it under the tupperware but IT MOVED THE TUPPERWARE #we drowned it in bleach and it like finally died but it took a while and then we flung it into the woods BYE BUGGY

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lazylittledragon · 3 months ago

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i'm in one of those phases where i really wish i believed in manifesting and spellcasting and things like that bc you know when you want something so bad you're literally praying for the universe to let it happen

#ramble #this is not me judging by the way i think it's cool as fuck i just don't do it personally #context: a lot of my 'dream jobs' are now just 'ways to make money that i might not absolutely hate'#but i have one (1) legit dream job and it's literally FINGERTIPS away from me right now #i feel like most people who know me can guess what it is and know how badly i want it #i'm not even letting myself daydream about it or talk about it too much because i'm so afraid of not getting it and being disappointed #and also i don't want to like. jinx it #i've tried so many times before but this is the closest i've ever been and i feel SICK i want to bite something

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hinamie · 4 months ago

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new limited edition firefighter spacesuit hazmat itfs just dropped

#my art #jujutsu kaisen #jjk #yuji itadori #megumi fushiguro #itafushi #itadori yuuji #fushiguro megumi #fanart #jjk fanart #yuuji #megumi #ignores the clock NICE 2 draws up in a day :)#needed smth quick n loose n easy after th behemoth tht was my last draws #these fits r.....something #i still do not like megumi's colour palette here but i think adding extra values n making his skin tone a bit less saturated helped #also toned down the orange #also fixed his hair >:( ily gege i respect u so much but pls....respectufully.... do a better job slicking back his hair........#anyway i realized midway through sketching tht the angle yuuji is at does Not show the majority of the belts around his hips n thighs #so i made some educated guesses but i do not claim 2 b an authority on Belt Placement #similarly ! guessed at the text on their jackets i Can Not Read #is it a 9? is it an S? lower case g? cyrillic/???? who can say i went with 9 #and gun 2 my head i cld not tell u what R-<3-T-E stands for . if those r even the letters #oh well i tried my best not bad fr 6 hours

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bunnieswithknives · 3 months ago

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I feel bad for neglecting Hazel so much, I do have many thoughts about her.. and also a mermaid au that im probably not going to do anything with

#fop #fairly oddparents #fop a new wish #fairly oddparents a new wish #hazel wells #fop hazel #fop dev #dev dimmadome #art #digital art #doodles #I wish Hazels parents were more flawed tbh...#Like I get why they wanted to have them be good rep so that young people could know what a good family is supposed to look like #but it felt like every time there was an opportunity to have them do something genuinely flawed-#they would perfectly sidestep it before it even became a problem #I really enjoyed the first episode because it showed a hint of a very unique emotional issue Hazel had related to having a therapist mother #The idea that she has to be mature all the time #constantly living around therapy speak makes her feel like she isnt allowed room to breathe #Feeling unable to express her emotions without someone there giving advice that she isnt ready for yet #just small things!#She feels so pressured to be emotionally mature all the time BECAUSE she gets praised for it #maybe im projecting everyone always tell me I was so mature for my age...#But like I really really wanted to see that from her!!#And then after that episode it doesnt even come up again #The only other episode that features the moms job as a conflict is the one where she wants to spend more time with her #which is a fine conflict I guess but it still ends with her saying all the perfect things #I wanted Markus to be more of a genuine threat too. even if he didnt actually do anything having him be more looming would have been nice #I feel like they mostly forget hes a para scientist most of the time idk.#I just felt like his interactions could have been more unique #Maybe he will be in future seasons idk

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why-the-heck-not · 7 days ago

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me, a responsible being, working on the coding project as I should vs. me, a dysfunctional shithead, getting distracted by reading about brains (once aGAIN damnit (it's my favorite "I need to study my field but bc I should do that it's an impossible unthinkable feat now, so I'm reading about something else to fool my brain I'm still being productive"-topic))

#but after my thesis me & brains have been on a break bc got tired reading abt them during that (bc I had a topic that sorta allowed me to #sidetrack to brain stuff also) but seems I'm over the brain overload now #yay? i guess #also no one who actually studies medicine/brains/etc. yell at me abt wikipedia and like ''why are u studying that like that''#I'm just going through the wikipedia & reading article abstracts path; nothing serious #also my procrastination has reached inhuman levels like it's a full-time job now #bc I have like a chill week's worth of work to do and then I've done the courses for my bachelor's degree #but sending in that ''heyy i'm done with the courses let me graduate''-thing fills me up with sO MUCH anxiety & dread I'm working so slow #now (even tho couldn't send that in for like a month bc gotta first wait the courses to be graded and stuff so in actuality I should #not be slowing down even a bit bc I need to finally be done with this damn degree asap; gotta move on and should've ages ago (it's actually #super bad how late I'm with it (1.5 mf years jesus christ; I'm not even like a little bit proud abt getting a degree anymore like I'm sorta #just embarrassed if I have to tell ppl like ''yea I graduated'' bc dude ?? only now?? u were supposed to be done with that 1.5year #ago what have u been doing (fuck if I know) so I'm keeping it like ''if anyone asks'' basis)))#(the tags and parantheses started a life of their own lol sorry abt that)#studyblr #studyspo #bookblr #booklr #study #november 2024 #2024

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nikscaps · 5 months ago

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late night sparring with steven

#moon knight #moon knight fanart #mr knight #study #fanart #art #my art #steven grant #you'd never guess what the study is based on #if you guessed someone conducting an orchestra then great job ^_^

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deadtower · 1 year ago

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SO YOU WANT TO GET HIRED IS NOW LIVE ON ITCHIO! :D

This thirty-page guide is specifically written to help you navigate the world of working-class jobs. In it, I break down what to put in your resume (even if you have no experience at all!), how to dress for the interview, how to play the very confusing and nonsensical world of the working-class interview, and what happens after you drag yourself out of the crucible of the interview on your hands and knees.

It's helpful! It's for those of us who want to know how to get hired for something as menial as a food runner! It's not that long, so you don't need to carve out several hours to in-depth research! It's got jokes — and Brian David Gilbert references!

Please reblog to help reach as many people as possible, because sometimes we all need a little help adulting, and I'm here to share what I know with you, no judgment.

(If you want to make sure I am not forced to be victim to website fees, you can always just send me $3 on Ca$h@pp/V3nm0 (deadtower) or P@yp@l (paypal.me/deadtower) and email me at [email protected] with your username/when you sent the money, and I can send you the PDF that way! Also, if you can't afford it, no worries! Just shoot me an email and I'll send it to you discounted to as low as $1, or for free, depending on your financial situation. I want everyone to have access to the resources they deserve. <3)

#writeblr #jobs #hiring #resources #hospitality #idk what tags to put lol these are my best guesses #but really and truly please reblog this if you can! it's the ONLY way it's gonna make it around #it's very cheap it's $3 or less if you can't afford the $3 #and that was after asking a bunch of people what to price it at #oughhhh please. i come to you asking politely. i need this to be spread around #you never know who on your timeline is desperate for a guide like this #and i'm not gonna lie knowing tumblr's demographic it's a LOT of people

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little-meowyao · 4 days ago

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Hi,

JIN LING IS NOT HOW AN ABUSED CHILD BEHAVES. He sasses at JC and he KNOWS he's all bark no bite. The instances of JC hitting JL in canon are EXCEPTIONAL. If JC hit JL regularly, he would NOT have said "Not even my uncle hits me!" at WWX. That shit STICKS. You are all stupid

#jc #jiang cheng #jiang cheng positive #jin ling #jl #inspired by a jc anti that crossed my “for you” tab #also personal rant ahead:#my dad hit me TWICE and i only remember one of the times #admittedly i didn't see him regularly #but TWICE. and i only remember one of those instances #my stepdad didn't hit often but he yelled #and guess what?#the instances my dad hit me are insignificant to me #i remember being upset in the moment but barring that. zero. nada. and i love him #the yelling stuck to me like a leech #so yeah. abused kids don't sass at their abuser like that #abused kids don't use “not even my caregiver hits me!” as a gotcha #jl is not the healthiest #but considering all the baggage jgy and jc have #THEY DID A GREAT JOB #AND THEY DID BREAK THE CYCLE #jl bratting off to jc who never knew how to talk to jfm #jl being spoiled by jgy who was loathed by jgs #THEY WERE GOOD PARENTAL FIGURES #jin guangyao

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canon-gabriel-quotes · 10 months ago

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Transcript:

SPARKLE OFF. IT'S THURSDAY. FORGET WHO YOU ARE.

Audio Source

#gabriel ultrakill #ultrakill #see told ya you guys wouldnt be able to guess what today's post was. completely unpredictable.#right.#right guys..?#i scheduled this one to be at a reasonable time n everything #low effort posts cause i dont have time lol help. (help me. help me. my job is killing me.)

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deoidesign · 3 months ago

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For my birthday... read my webcomic! It's literally free! (Unless you want books. Those are not free)

It's beautiful, it's gentle, it's funny, they're canonically t4t and gay... And it's about time traveling vampires solving supernatural mysteries!

I've spent thousands of hours writing and drawing it, and it's really good! I'm not biased!

It's on hiatus right now and coming back in 2 months, so it's the perfect time to get caught up

#i felt weird putting this in there so I didnt but I've also received recognition for excellence in writing #and was nominated as a fan favorite on webtoon canvas...#so like not only do i work super hard but its just really good!#im not ashamed of claiming that i think my work is well done. if i didn't think i was doing a good job why would i do it #buuuut. something about being like please read my comic im literally so good at comics feels weird to me #even though i think that. in my brain #i dont want to imply that there is some objective or tangible goodness to my work simply for receiving some accolades #its nothing other than some accolades. whether or not someone likes it is up to them #so i guess to me it just feels superfluous #but genuinely I love my comics...#i re read them all the time. and i enjoy them!#theres things i would change and probably will change when i go to print #but i did what I could with the time and energy I had #and when it comes back... oh boy.#my friends have agreed its the best stuff ive ever written. it's literally so good...#im so excited to share.#still not fully ready to officially commit to the return date #but i am gunning for it!#webcomics #webtoon #time and time again #its my birthday!#idk wtf to tag this as. im 27 now...#read my comic #LOL

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almond-gallery · 10 months ago

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zzz

#orv #omniscient reader #yoohankim #yoo joonghyuk #kim dokja #han sooyoung #i think i'm diseased.#fun fact i posted more on here in january than i did for all of last year #and now i'm posting again? insane.#it kind of makes zero sense considering i have more going on in my life than pretty much ever #2 jobs. full load of classes. grad school applications. mental illness #but i guess all that jazz fuels the need to fixate on stuff even harder #anyway what if i stick to gradient maps forever #looking at this makes me want to take a nap #fanart #kdj's arm is so asleep btw. it's going to take five minutes for him to be able to feel it again in the morning

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jimekas · 2 months ago

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So I don't think I reblogged anything from Tiger Tiger before, but it's a really good and beautiful comic by @pepurika about a sea-sponge-obsessed young noble lady stealing her brother's identity and ship, and containing eldritch marine deities/creatures and disaster lovable LGBT+ characters.

And oh boy in the last twentyish pages we've been feeding on the gay love drama side of the story, and with the very LAST PAGE!! Everyone lost their mind I think. I personally cackled uncontrollably for a few minutes, eventually getting weird looks from my parents XD

Holy cow. Arno you old queer savage :'D

I had to get this out of my system so here's this drawing XD Anyway, you should read this comic, it's really good.

#tiger tiger #arno #jamis arlesi #I'm not used to draw bearded and mustached men #but I think I did a decent job :D #first fanart of this comic I guess #that freaking smug on Arno's face #had us dying for a few pages already #and I don't think it'll stop anytime soon XD #gosh what a magnificent comic #digital art #fanart #my art

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aropride · 7 months ago

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typing speed test

reblogging with a poll for people on mobile as well

#text #(guy about to brag voice) 80wpm 97% accuracy ^__^#and on mobile . 64wpm 94% accuracy fuck mobile all my homies hate mobile #but well flips my hair over my shoulder and giggles cutely it runs in the family my grandma had to type fast for her job and she was #at ~120wpm (not sure if that was on a keyboard or typewriter or both ?? im guessing typewriter though i think thats what my dad said)

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shirecorn · 2 months ago

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