#guess what i still can't draw hands
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something something blood-soaked hands cradling your face something something
anyway here's the post btw
#what if post dp3 logan struggles to emotionally accept that wade Will Actually For Real Survive Anything#and one time they are fighting some random baddies#and they somehow get in a few shots straight to wade's cranium and he drops like a bag of slutty slutty potatoes#and logan goes full berserker trying to get to him#like he just massacres everyone in his way and wade still isnt getting up ohnoohnoohnonotagainohno#(healing factor or no a few direct shots to the brain stem/t box take a bit to recover from)#(no more than five minutes but it's an eternity to logan)#and his heart sinks to the very core of the earth as he kneels down next to wade's body#and his hands are shaking and soaked in blood and he can't seem to sheathe his claws in his dazed adrenalined state#he tries to peel back wade's mask and fear is just *pounding* through his system because in that moment#all he can see are the xmen dead in massive pools of blood#and that feeling of unreality is rushing over him like thiscantbehappeningthiscantbehappeningnotagainohgodnotagain#wade's still and unresponsive and there is so Much BLOOD (hard to tell how much is Wade's and how much is just on his hands)#and logan doesn't even realize he's crying until suddenly wade's eyes light up like a computer restarting#and he's smiling and gasping and joking immediately#âwell howdy there hot stuff what did I miss?â#and then he clocks that logan is Not Okay#â... well gee willikers golly goddamn peanut 'twas only a flesh wound! no need to go all waterworks over lil ol meâ#âyou know it would take a helluva lot more than that to make me shuffle off this here mortal coil!â#âsee all better I'm hunky dory peachy keen right as fucking rainâ#âI mean cmon I can't have been out for more than five minutes so let's just go back to you being exasperated with my bullshit antics okay??#â...okay sugarboobs? snookums? babycakes?.... Logan?â#and they just sit there on the floor holding each other for a while#wade babbling and logan crying about everything he's lost and wondering distantly how he has come to care so much#about this blithering jokester in like barely a week#that the thought of losing him brought him crashing back to the worst memory of his extremely rough life#anyway that's enough tag mini fic lolol I'm having feelings about my own drawing I guess đ”#poolverine#deadpool and wolverine#poolverine art
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[ID in alt text]
Another wip! It's kind of almost done :)
#sha gojyo#saiyuki#wip#gotta tag talk for a sec -#idk if it's weird or inappropriate considering the smiley mood of the wip but I just kinda need to#cw: death I guess#life's so so bizar right now - just. incomprehensible in a way#I don't know how to describe what's going on in my head#with my dad being on his death bed#on one hand it's all consuming and on the other. like. life is still happening? I worked today. did work things#I'm working on this light-hearted little comic and it feels almost rude to keep drawing it#like whatever I make should be sad or angry or whatever#or not at all#but this is still what I wanna draw#I keep thinking about fucking Inktober bc it's something that brings me joy normally#but I will absolutely not be able to do it and it's so so so unimportant in the grand scheme of things#I have sketches that I like so idk they'll get finished eventually#got a message about a commission I would love to do but the deadline is in around December#and I just can't know if I'll even be able to do#it's just impossible to imagine my dad pretty much definitely not being here in two months#let alone what life will be like and what *I'll* be like#it's so weird#danikunst#fanart#described#1
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Hello! I feel like rereading Vargas these days so, I'd like to request some Edgar, Scriabin interaction (maybe one of them being vulnerable), if that's okay?
Day 14 - Stop making your lack of imagination my problem ĂČ///q
#My art#Requestober#Vargas#Edgar#Scriabin#I gotta be honest - I was initially stumped by this prompt lol#Me! The one who pines constantly! Nuts about these two specifically! Lol#(It's because my brain was all in on Adventure Time when it came in lol)#But that actually turned out to my advantage âȘ#If you've seen Fionna and Cake Episode 8 - you know#It's been enough of a bit since I gave the current song to them - I'll still occasionally stumble across a song to add to my Vargas playlis#But just the current earworm being gifted to them? It's been a bit! So I decided to give it a go for inspiration#Well if that scene already made me cry guess what giving the song to them did lol#Specifically ''I've seen worlds in you I didn't know how to dream'' like ugh kill me â„#Everyone go listen to Everything In You and yearn! Yearn with me!! Haha#Drawing them vulnerable is still a favourite of mine âȘ I love when they're sweet to each other#Edgar being affectionate! Love when that happens <3#And a flustered Scriabin â« And yet they're not pushing each other they're just gently accepting each other <3 <3#Plus drawing Edgar's hand like that was fun haha âȘâ« Gently hold â„#Fingers spread like that with his thumb on his cheek hhhhhh I can't not sweetness#Anyhow - enjoy your reread :D I'm still holding off so enjoy it for everyone if you would! Haha
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hiiii ^^ beastlife fishie analysis. spoilers ahead. etc etc
okay so. the main point of this is simple. I don't think the salmon head cursed c!fishie. Explaining that is the harder part I think. also i'm going to refer to the salmon head thing in e5 as "the incident" from here on out because frankly i think it's funny
Let's start with the incident. The big day. etc. What happened? Why did it happen? Obligatory third questioning statement? Well. She was gifted the salmon head for her birthday by kiwi(or like. someone in the kiwibird system. -bird system. the birds). Immediately upon receiving it she relives parts of season one and fishie herself doesn't really acknowledge it. The other players definitely notice but im not caught up enough in any other pov yet to like have thoughts on that I'll come back to that point someday. Fishie seems shaken, sure, but she moves on so quickly, especially considering what happened just there. 37 seconds of standing frozen, unresponsive. she recovers in 5 seconds. And seeing how she reacts later on to realizing the memory situation--if she was aware that happened, she would probably be concerned by it. She puts it on for a brief second at the end of the party and takes it off immediately. She's otherwise normal -- well. as normal as she is otherwise up to that point. Because that is also how she acts with pretty much any salmon head, even just kiwi herself.
I raise: Episode one, about 8:20 in. The slow zoom on kiwi as the static overtakes every other noise. This is the *exact* same behavior displayed when fishie receives the salmon head, albeit without actual concrete old video footage style flashbacks. In episode two (28:55ish) the same thing happens when she looks at the salmon head in moch's house, but this time there is technically a flashback -- kiwis grave. Fishie moves on immediately and doesn't acknowledge her behavior at all, and, seeing as it is fishie, im inclined to believe that means she does not know she is doing it. Fishie (when alone) will discuss all of her problems in immense, and usually misguided detail (bestie i promise kiwi doesn't hate you???) to the audience and/or herself. I mean she's not alone in episode one, and it is technically presession, and i guess getting struck by lightning is a decent distraction from your problems, but in episode two? She is completely alone. There is nobody with her. She went looking for moch and moch is not there. She still doesn't acknowledge the fiveish seconds she is completely frozen. This happens again and again with kiwi and salmon heads.
And then that leads you to e5. The incident. She's. well. she's doing worse. 0:50. "This will distract me if i leave it up." This is the first mention from fishie herself about how fucking weird she's being, and even then she doesn't seem concerned. I think she does not realize she's being so so incredibly weird about it. If the static and freezing is what's referred to as "distraction" then keeping it in her inventory makes it worse actually so it wouldn't really make sense unless the way it is distracting her is NOT the. well. whatever the fuck is wrong with her (affectionate). After she puts the head on there's the static all the time but for a short brief amount of time she's like significantly more normal and i don't really know if that means anything i just think it's really funny.
And then we all know what goes on during the incident i'm not analyzing this video frame by frame. um. i could. but i am not going to right now. And then she has the conversation on the table with kiwi where she like is normal for 5 minutes. Like genuinely the most. i guess stable? fishie's thought process is is like in the moments directly after the incident. She is immediately understanding with the antikiwi situation, they come to an agreement that they're like. okay now. "thank you for everything and im so sorry i couldnt do more" / "it was short, but it was nice" "i knew what i was getting into when i married you" etc etc and then they kind of rush it at the end because people won't stop dying. But then fishie is fishie and takes it in the complete opposite extreme (from. um. whatever was wrong up until now. to "oh kiwibird must secretly hate me because" and then there's no real good reason she's just like that) and it's also an issue. And i think the season two memory thing is also a part of that but this is so long already and so i'm not going to get into it rn. So bringing all of this back to my original point: the salmon head was not the cause of the curse(?) because she's been so weird all the time forever and the salmon head thing was just like. an effect. of whatever went Wrong(tm) in the season transition. like the head was a vessel to Be Worse about it but i feel like it would have worked with any salmon head she got her hands on and that it happened to be kiwico was a coincidence and also that the head wasn't cursed at all there's just something deeply wrong with fishie s3 in general and uh yeah đ
I'm so sorry this is so disjointed i had a thesis statement and everything. alas
#whisp whispers#fishie beastlife spoilers#since i had to rewatch videos these tags will serve as going insane about details i missed that were irrelevant to the post#i could make a whole thing on the parallels between fishie and bree. 'at least im not the only one with a troubled love life' yeah i guess#this is taking me ages to finish because if i think about beastlife fishie too long it genuinely spikes my heart rate#i think there's something wrong with me#fishie and bree both leaping at the oppurtunity to trade with their exes is so funny to me#someone should do indepth research about the way fishie interacts with dingo because i haven't been paying attention to it#by 'someone' i mean me because i'm the only one who can do that. other beastlife fan if you see this. holds out hand do you want#to make an analysis post with me .......#i appreciate kiwi trying so hard to do bug facts because bree's moth take is toooo insane for him. we can yes and the alien bit he draws th#line at incorrect moth facts though#'im neutral this is just fascinating' <-really funny in retrospect#*this is also taking so long forever because i keep distracted by whatever the fuck is wrong with everyone that i can't remember how to lik#put things into words#for what is a housewife without a house and no longer a wife?#'sorry guys it's just gonna be a lot of decorating today' YOUUUU. YOU. (<quote from beginning of e5)#ratchelor pad guitar riff is horrid on 2x speed. never do this what i'm doing right now#one of my irls is still in awe of the 6person boogie kill (or rather how nobody noticed fishie preparing the 6person boogie#is it boogey or boogie#does oku falling off a pillar and dying in the middle of fishie lore also count as a fishie proximity death#fishies curse is that people won't stop dying in the death games#also hiiiii fishieeeee you said you enjoyed analaysis. um. this one went a little off the rails i think and is more theory than analysis#posting this and disappearing off the face of the internet. cringe is dead but like. i mean you get it
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a once in a lifetime miracle: oc art!! this is Shiva.
doodles from a month or so, but i cant really draw properly right now. but i wanted to do something meanwhile so i colored these :33
#oc art#i would explain a bit about Shiva but i think its way funnier if leave these images here without any context#it is up for you to guess what this thing is meant to be and what it's thinking#anyway about my drawing predictment this month#IT IS ART FIGHT MONTH and IM JEALOUS!! IM JEALOUS!!! want to participate SO BAD but i can't so i had to make SOMETHING#even if it was coloring month old doodles because i cant reallt draw properly rigjt nowđ#my body knows its art fight month and taunts me by making my hands hurt more than usualđ#and the flood is coming too and its like... you know what?? you can't draw now we say no#the uterus says no the hormones say no#so i cant really draw properly even outside of artfight right now BWUAHHHđđđ please be patient#a bit sad because this is the second year i cant participate over this YET TO BE CLINICALLY DIAGNOSED PERSISTANT PAIN OF 2 YEARS#((glance at medical system i hate the medical system here its so bad might as well have lit money on fire by this pointđ))#BUT ANYWAY I AM STILL FULL OF IDEAS THOUGH#SO ONCE THE FLOOD IS OVER I HAVE AN IDEA OF WHAT TO DO!!!!! i just cant get my brain to work properly right now WWW#so do not worry... you will all be fed... I'll survive the hand pain of julyđ©·... HOPEFULLY DUNNO HOW TO TURN IT DOWN A BIT#please pray for the daily body pains to be lowered to their usual level so i can use my hands again once the flood is over thank youđ
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i've been having some trouble falling asleep lately
#art#i'll be yapping in the tags#its not that im depressed or anything. it is the opposite actually#ive been using this medicine for quite some time. and it made all my negative emotions disappear#âoh wow huh but isnt it great you don't feel bad anymoreâ. this is the same thing my psychiatrist told me when we were discussing this topic#in hindsight it was kinda silly of her to say. i can't believe i pay a ridiculous amount of money per session just to hear shit like that#but she's cute and im a pathetic homosexual who'll seethe at the sight of other specialists like a beaten dog so I will let it slide i guess#we see each other twice a year anyway and all i need from her is the prescription for happy pills. anyway the happypillen#i would fight god if it means i can use stertraline for the rest of my life. thanks to it i can and i do live#but I don't really feel like myself anymore. do you get what i mean#the things that have been giving me anxiety attacks or flashbacks not so long ago? i feel almost nothing about it at this momet#it still haunts me to this day but the intensity of my feelings and emotions does not reach even 1/5 of what it was before#i do not want to disclose more specific topics so i will use a simple example. i used to be afraid of dogs#the fear was so severe that the mere sight of the tiniest little barfing creature was enough for me to freeze#now i can pass one without any problem. the fear i feel today is nothing more than a shadow of bygone times (something i do out of habit)#but i guess this example is not objective enough since my close irl friend has a dog that i became fond of#im still pretty sure this dog of her is capable of biting my ass off if necessary but im not afraid of it#because fear is not an option in this brain of mine at this moment#i don't feel any anxiety sadness or anger anymore. even if something close to it begins to rise in me it shuns down within a few minutes#i can't even cry. i am craving emotions that i was so eagerly trying to dispose of back then#i feel the most mentally stable I have ever been and at the same time i feel pretty much dead.#perhaps i just got used to the fact that sorrow accompanied me for a very long time and i should learn to live without it#perhaps sorrow is just as important as happiness and its absence is a mere side effect of the happy pills#and i have to put up with it in order to have a functional brain#perhaps we people are never happy with what we have in our hands. also i hate drawing#one's can tell since the picture i attached is raw as fuck#but even despite my praised mental stability if i were to stay alone with it even for a minute longer i would go insane#next time i will draw something lighter and cuter. like my favorite kpop boy or fortnite. maybe in the next century#thanks for coming to my tedtalk. bye#i made a typo in the word âsertralineâ but im too lazy to fix it i would fight god for you but i will not do this im sorry zoloft
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This is the third time in the row when someone blocked this blog yet didn't block my katyahina main and even likes posts from it đ€ I mean I might be underestimating how much I spam BB tag with headcanons from this """personal""" blog but so many people only like someone's art as much as they like the person behind it that people who separate and art artist in 2023rd perplex me /pos
#personal#internets#I guess I am just spamming headcanons and most of it isn't very good lol#or maybe it is my bizzare tags under reblogs#I mean I HAVE been considering make this blog ACTUALLY 'persona' and instead of posting a hc per post I-#-could combine several headcanons in one post and put them all on katyahina#I am still torn though#on the one hand I wanna say 'if you can't handle me at my cringepost you don't deserve me at my lore and art'#but on the other hand I am glad if people can enjoy my stuff and even draw inspiration from me no matter what#and these wolves are always at war
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one in a million when i watch smthing in the horror genre and don't end up disappointed to/and/or pissed off about it so like "also yeah i liked it. ooo" is like relative to that an off the charts rave review of media of the millennium. also i did think about mh a lot along the way so would recommend its affect/effect if you like mh's horror too
#i didn't realize at first that's the director/creator tim's qrting. thought a rando went ''i love mh'' & he went ''& i love smthing else''#saw this a few weeks ago while also like writing or drawing or smthing like oh good plot's beside the point? b/c i'm splitting this focus#even checking in w/recaps was both like oh ok i missed that / didn't realize xyz could be a Thread or something but each of the like three#or four recaps i went over Also saw points differently in terms of even like; who was there or said what lmfao. or noting sm detail at all.#i went ''oh worm?'' at some early shot that may or may not have even gone mentioned by any of them. depending lol. doesn't matter#anyways we don't have time for tags media analysis except that i'll count this as: once again horror for children wins. even tho it's...#not rated? well anyways you know. probably generally not advisable for children as a direct audience lmao. however#like yes as per the premise as a child we've all experienced this [the media] anyways. perturbing summons dreams we've all had em#anyhow fr i'd even struggle to think of horror movies i'd say i mostly liked / would or did rewatch but still wasn't like. i disliked major#elements / choices to the point of being pissed off abt it. so many movies i can't be bothered to watch b/c i already know specifics like#i don't like or respect any of you people. or choices or elements or premises or executions or effects. not even interested fr like lord...#but often what has better odds are mediums that Aren't straightforwardly tv / film. like i'd compare mh to a series of several movies and#that's also imo largely a more apt categorization than saying it's an ARG or smthing but anyways like i'd recommend it to someone sure....#rare to be like yeah a movie was enjoyable. & if you already liked mh then that's a useful reference point here#which like usually i'd use mh as a categorical tag but idk i guess actually it's actively popular nowadays lmfao i really don't know#posting is already exhausting like whew but this one's for whosoever happens to follow me i guess#which is possible? nonzero ppl arrived for mh but unlikely lmfao. but also ppl see it on their own anyways coincidentally.#and you never know who observes the posts like hell yeah for an anon enjoying niche akd theatreposting who is to me ambiently out there#really odd the other day seeing an mh reblog like ''??? huh. i made that eons ago; then'' & people in the tags talking abt some repost like#on the one hand that Original Source post is two layers of deactivated blogs so a repost could be archival. but if they don't say as much#i.e. that it's even from a different source then that's not exactly it then is it. but also that even finding an original document For OP#is like. oh yeah that's me actually. but then knowing & technically saying as much doesn't / didn't actually affect me as that op lol#just kind of archival on both ends then. vs someone else in the tags saying they saw it on fb 9 yrs ago? definitely didn't post it there#my true op experience: keeping it nicheposting & just kind of saying sm shit & maybe some people are out there nodding thoughtfully#oh also in case fyi. that's tim as in actor playing [also tim] in mh. & did some writing for mh & other such behind the scenes efforts also#every time i look at the text in this post i notice a new typo of mine. get it tgoether (organic typo there. so; lol)
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still thinking about it btw, the way he says he'd like to mourn suguru's body has me stuck and unmoving
#he says it in such a natural way I can't move past it#he wants to mourn him#it's his first thought after coming back#and he says it in the middle of a bigger thought too#like its not even strange he's thinking it#like OBVIOUSLY he'd want to#that's his best friend!!! that's his one and only!!!#of course of course it's normal#I'm not saying i find it weird he'd want to#but the way the manga treats it like it makes perfect sense for gojo to grieve him#to want him to rest in peace#like geto wasn't his main antagonist for years#like he didn't kill him with his own two hands#it would be so easy for jjk to draw a hard line between what geto used to be for gojo and what he is now#but it Never does getos always gojos other half and nothing else#and it's been years it still fucks me over just how natural the manga makes that#it doesn't try to make gojos feelings weird in any way ever#he wants to mourn him! asap!! that's his priority!!!#god i love them so much what the fuck#i thought i was at least in part over them but I GUESS NOT#gojos feelings for geto are always so tender I'm gonna be sick#despite everything they were put through he still cherishes him above anything else............#ooohhhhuuuugggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh !!!!!!!!!!!
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I swear why are half the things i like/fandoms im in made of mostly younger people while the other half are mostly older people? what are the zoggin odds with that?
How it feels being 20 in a fandom with a bunch of 30-40 somethings.
VS how it feels being 20 in a fandom with a bunch of 14-17 somethings.
like am do i just have extremely odd luck with things i like or is this just what being 20 is like?
#I go browse homestuck twitter and find out an artist I like is turning 16. I go to warhammer twitter and see a meme poster I enjoy is almost#three times my age.#like how do you get a person to somehow feel too old to be in a one fandom yet too young to be in the another?#i know this sounds stupid but it happens every time i like something#world of warcraft has people who have been playing this game for as long as i have been alive#despite aging with the game minecraft is primarily youngsters#team fortress 2 is somehow both too young and too old a fanbase#i've long since reconciled with the fact pretty much everything i like is over a decade old but why cant i just like something with a ->#similar age base? like it would be nice to interact with people that like similar things i like on a consistent basis.#I don't want to buzz around my 2 friends ears trying to not talk too much about my interests. Don't get me wrong I love those two gits but-#its not like i can complain about those childish gits who kept blocking the good fishing nodes in world of warcraft#I cant share my homestuck art and make references to characters that they don't know#I like making references! references make up roughly 1/3rd my jokes! Heck they make up my zogging dialogue too!#HECK I SAY ZOG AND GIT BECAUSE I AM A BLOODY STUPID MIMIC! I'M NOT EVEN BRITISH I LIVE IN MASSACHUSETTS!#YET EVERY TIME I GET A NEW âmain interestâ OR WHATEVER I END UP TAKING IN ZOGGIN SPEECH PATTERNS FROM THE DANG THINGS!#I ONCE MUTTERED âmerdeâ WHEN THINGS WENT WRONG FOR LIKE OVER A YEAR BECAUSE SPY SAID IT AND ONLY STOPPED WHEN MY BILINGUAL AND FRENCH TAKIN#FATHER AND BROTHER RESPECTIVELY TOLD ME IT MEANT SHIT#I SAY âSLAPS ME ON THE KNEEâ AND âSUCKS ON ICEâ BECAUSE OF A MAIN INTEREST!#MY POSTURE GOT BETTER SOLELY BECAUSE I DID NOTHING BUT LEVEL A ZANDALARI HUNTER UNTIL LEVEL 120.#WHEN LAUGHING A MODERATE AMOUNT I DO THE /LOL ORC EMOTE. WHEN CHUCKLING I PUT MY HAND ON MY MOUTH LIKE SHIVER FROM SPLATOON BLOODY 3!!!#I HAVE BEEN UNINTENTIONALLY MIMICKING THINGS I LIKE FOR YEARS! I BOB MY HEAD AND WALK DIGITIGRADE BECAUSE I HEARD BIRDS/DINOSAURS DO IT TO-#BALANCE WHEN WALKING. AND THE ONLY REASON I SUCKED AT RUNNING WAS BECAUSE WHEN I WAS YOUNGER I WATCHED A SCENE OF ICE AGE WHERE SID WAS WAL#ING AND MIMICKED HOW HE WALKED FOOT -> FOOT INSTEAD OF HEEL -> TOE HEEL -> TOE#AND NOW I GUESS I'M JUST WAITING FOR WHAT ILL GET FROM HOMESTUCK HUH#ugh if you can't tell this is a midnight brainrot post. i may be awake and on my computer but this still has the energy of that kind of pos#saturday warhammer and the following wendys browsing for ya folks.#midnight brainrot#Man i needed to get those off my chest#not like anyone reads these midnight brainrot posts anyways#oh yeah gotta tag art and paint.net so i can easily find these drawings later if i need them
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Looking his very best, as much as he can anyhow (Patreon)
#Doodles#SCII#Damned#ZEX#The Captain#The theme of this set is ZEX's hair! So I guess Max's hair really lol#But double really it's ZEX's hair because Max would never let this happen to his hair lol poor abused hair haha#Cute floofy ZEX is cute and floofy <3#He can't control the hair - no hair bones here unfortunately lol - but at least there's something around his head eh?#Max with a buzz cut! Ah!!! The problem is I love him no matter what so I think he looks cute literally anyhow haha#S'cold! As if ZEX wasn't already sensitive haha - he gets a buzz cut and is just ''?????'' the whole time#And then someone pets his hair and it upgrades to ''?!?!?!?!?!'' haha#Weird to not have anything in his peripherals too :0 Always /some/thing to the sides of his head!#I think he looks quite silly in the third one lol - I would say I drew his hair too short but it's actually more accurate isn't it#Max's hair is like chin/shoulder-length! I just can't help myself haha long flowing hair is so fun and pretty <3#No he's beautiful however I stand by it#ZEX with slightly damp but not actually clean hair haha of course it feels strange! Not just water in there!#Actually drawing his green ends for a change haha âȘ And the grey in his hair! ;; ZEEEX weh#You can just barely see I tried to use one of my skin-tone pencils from the Crayola set but it doesn't scan the best :P#Or apply the best honestly lol they're quite hard pencils - I'm used to a softer formula like the yellow and green there! Very soft and nice#Yaaay Captain hehe <3 This is what you get for trusting someone untrustworthy ZEX lol#Okay but the way I reacted to reading there was Yarn tied in his hair I had a Normal reaction and I'm Fine about it lol#I made it red for Funsies and no other reason lol - really it's just the pen I (still) always have on hand haha#There's some in my blue as well! Just not as obviously lol - no wait that's one of his colours too just ignore that <3#ZEX is adorable âȘ The alien not understanding human traditions and culture trope is so lovely on him#And honestly the Captain is a very good sport hehe <3 He takes a lot in stride! Good for him
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ah yiss. the golden garbage premium pass (free!)
#just me hi#[spins really fast until i become pancakes]#/'what does this mean' that's for me to forget and you to guess đđ#//anyway working on stuff (woo!) and it's absorbing All of my time lmaooo (ah!!)#i'm about halfway done with this chapter i am making Great time but ouuuuuhhhfhfhghg hvbsh#when i really wanna stay in the groove i will just straight up avoid anyone that i can't see. people turn into wallpaper projects turn to#dust i turn into some weird entity that's just a floating pair of eyes and hands and the world temporarily becomes merely a bottle to#contain an essence that i find hard to even fathom. you see !#seriously i got through a whole season of a show n i've still gotta go hfbsh#i'm about halfway done with this chapter so... ouuhghh..#haven't even gotten to the worst part of it yet so !! still going strong !!!#trying not to be picky with everything and ouh. oouh#//OH and lent's almost over!! cool stuff cool cool#i thought giving up sugar would like. kill me or something (not literally) but nope i'm just a little bit more bored some days hfbvsh :>#//anyway i gtg finish this page cuz the side profile is Killing Me hfhvbs#why is drawing old people backs so HarD Lolll#anywho toodles !! shipping off !! :D
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Mizu, femininity, and fallen sparrows
In my last post about Mizu and Akemi, I feel like I came across as overly critical of Mizu given that Mizu is a woman who - in her own words - has to live as a man in order to go down the path of revenge.
If she is ever discovered to be female by the wrong person, she will not only be unable to complete her quest, but there's a good chance that she'll be arrested or killed.
So it makes complete sense for Mizu to distance herself as much as possible from any behavior that she feels like would make someone question her sex.
I felt so indignant toward Mizu on my first couple watchthroughs for this moment. Why couldn't Mizu bribe the woman and her child's way into the city too? If Mizu is presenting as a man, couldn't she claim to be the woman's escort?
However, this moment makes things pretty clear. Mizu knows all too well the plight of women in her society. She knows it so well that she cannot risk ever finding herself back in their position again. She helps in what little way she can - without drawing attention to herself.
Mizu is not a hero and she is not one to make of herself a martyr - she will not set herself on fire to keep others warm. There's room to argue that Mizu shouldn't prioritize her quest over people's lives, but given the collateral damage Mizu can live with in almost every episode of season 1, Mizu is simply not operating under that kind of morality at this point. ("You don't know what I've done to reach you," Mizu tells Fowler.)
And while I still feel like Mizu has an obvious and established blind spot when it comes to Akemi because of their differences in station, such that Mizu's judgment of Akemi and actions in episode 5 are the result of prejudice rather than the result of Mizu's caution, I also want to establish that Mizu is just as caged as Akemi is, despite her technically having more freedom while living as a man.
Mizu can hide her mixed race identity some of the time, and she can hide her sex almost all of the time, but being able to operate outside of her society's strict rules for women does not mean she cannot see their plight.
It does not mean she doesn't hurt for them.
Back to Mizu and collateral damage, remember that sparrow?
While Mizu is breaking into Boss Hamata's manse, she gets startled by a bird and kills it on reflex. She then cradles it in her hands - much more tenderly than we've seen Mizu treat almost anything up to this point in the season:
She then puts it in its nest, with its unhatched eggs. Almost like she's trying to make the death look natural. Or like an accident.
You see where I'm going with this.
When Mizu kills Kinuyo, Mizu lingers in the moment, holding the body tenderly:
And btw a lot of stuff about this show hit me hard, but this remains the biggest gut punch of them all for me, Mizu holding that poor girl's body close, GOD
When Mizu arranges the "scene of the crime," Kinuyo's body is delicate, birdlike. And Mizu is so shaken afterward that she gets sloppy. She's horrified at this kill to the point that she can't bring herself to take another innocent life - the boy who rats her out.
MIZU'S ONE MOMENT OF SOFTNESS AND MERCY, COMING ON THE HEELS OF HER NEEDING TO KILL A GIRL TO SPARE HER THE WORST FATE THAT THIS RIGID SOCIETY HAS TO OFFER WOMEN, AND TO SPARE A BROTHEL FULL OF INNOCENT WOMEN WHO ARE THE CASTOFFS OF SOCIETY, NEARLY RESULTS IN ALL OF THEIR DEATHS
No wonder Mizu is as stoic and cold as she is.
And no wonder Mizu has no patience for Akemi whatsoever right before the terrible reveal and the fight breaks out:
Speaking of Akemi - guess who else is compared to a bird!
The plumage is more colorful, a bit flashier. But a bird is a bird.
And, uh
Yeah.
I like to think that Mizu killing the sparrow is not only foreshadowing for what she must do to Kinuyo, but is also a representation of the choice she makes on Akemi's behalf. She decides to cage the bird because she believes the bird is "better off." Better off caged than... dead.
But because Mizu doesn't know Akemi or her situation, she of course doesn't realize that the bird is fated to die if it is caged and sent back home.
Mizu is clearly not happy, or pleased, or satisfied by allowing Akemi to be dragged back to her father:
But softness and mercy haven't gotten Mizu anywhere good, recently.
There is so much tragedy layered into Mizu's character, and it includes the things she has to witness and the choices she makes - or believes she has to make - involving women, when she herself can skirt around a lot of what her society throws at women. Although, I do believe that it comes at the cost of a part of Mizu's soul.
After all, I'm gonna be haunted for the rest of this show by Mizu's very first prayer in episode 1:
"LET" her die. Because as Ringo points out, she doesn't "know how" to die.
Kind of like another bird in this show:
#blue eye samurai#mizu#akemi#kinuyo#bes#women are birds okay they are BIRDS#the let me die line is so SCARY AND SAD like a part of Mizu wants death but she cant? she doesnt know how?? excuse you show???#when all these other delicate birds are dying all around her#akemis character gets more and more gutwrenching upon subsequent rewatches because whenever she says her life is in danger#NO ONE BELIEVES HER - certainly not other women#because shes rich and pampered and that means shes safe and is worrying about nothing right? right?????#and it turns out that all of akemis instincts were right and she was in danger the ENTIRE TIME#also I need to make a post just for kinuyo because I am sad
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Can you explain the "breyer horses are stylised" thing you said a while back? Not because I don't believe you but because I don't know enough about horses to see it (besides the mane and tail)
All artistic representations of a horse will be somewhat stylized. Humans can't help it, they imagine details, even when referencing photos or live animals. A swayed back gets exaggerated, sickle hocks are overlooked, the face becomes more expressive, because to a human who loves a horse, and who expresses their own emotions with their face, the horse's face just feels more expressive.
Take a look at this horse from Peter Paul Rubens' "Wolf and Fox Hunt" (1616) and how it compares to a photo of a horse
The artist was clearly familiar with horses, and most likely referenced off a live horse. And yet its face is much more expressive than a real horse's face - it's neotenous and borderline anthropomorphic, with its huge sorrowful eyes, and the short muzzle that puts the mouth in closer proximity to its eyes (making its expression more readable).
I think a lot of people see what they want to see when they look at a horse, and they reflect that in their art. Is the horse an independent agent or a tool of its rider? Is the horse an unthinking animal or a soulful creature like yourself? Does the artist admire animals, in spite of painting them in terrible war-like scenarios? Does the artist paint animals in these scenarios because he admires them? Is the horse meant to elevate the status of its rider, by being depicted as a soulful creature that nonetheless submits to its rider? (You can probably guess my own opinion from these questions)
Earlier art saw horses almost an afterthought, depicted from memory while their rider was drawn reverently. All those art pieces of emperors and kings on horseback, where the horse looks like a cartoonish oaf, use the horse as a symbol of power, with no regard for the animal itself. Even when the horse is beautifully rendered, it's nothing more than a vehicle to carry its rider. The artist has depicted the horse as expressionless, beastly, and soulless.
Even when you get into portraits of horses in the 17-/1800s, they are still stylized, though now you're just as likely to see a lithe and graceful companion, as you are a muscled working horse or a faithful old friend. Horse breeding really took off around this time, as did theories of animal minds, so adoration of horses-as-individuals became more widespread. Examples are "Lustre" (1762) by George Stubbs, "Mare and Foal in a Stable" (1854) by John Frederick Herring Senior, and "A Grey Horse in a Field" (1873) by Rosa Bonheur.
All this is to say that horses will always be stylized in art. Humans can't not twist the horse the suit their own tastes, and that's fine. I actually think it's kinda beautiful. The way horses are stylized can give you insight into the artist's opinion of horses. An artist with a neotenic, expressive stylization probably has more respect for horses-as-individuals than an artist who depicts them as inexpressive, powerful, willing beasts of burden.
Breyer horses have an airy painterly quality to them. Even the draft horses seem almost weightless. Compare Breyer's "George" with the self-released resin horse "Gustav," both sculpted by Brigitte Eberl.
George has much longer hooves and smoother curves in his legs - you could draw a near perfect curve from his hind knee to his toe -, giving him a flowing appearance with very little weight behind it. Gustav, on the other hand, has sharp edges and corners. He feels heavy. I'm a big fan of wrinkles and muscle on model horses, but the muscles on George seem like he's been through a rock tumbler. They're smooth and soft-looking, except for the extremely deep crevices between them, which are probably there to better catch paint and enhance the shading (an effect that's especially noticeable on George's thigh). Gustav, on the other hand, has very subtle muscling and virtually no wrinkles (he deserves neck wrinkles, give my boy neck wrinkles!!). He looks like a working horse with a solid layer of fat over his muscles. George's stylization is, for lack of a better word, smooth. Flawless. A bit too perfect for my liking. George is like the platonic ideal of a visually appealing draft horse. A horse like him can't exist.
I think resin horses by master craftsmen are the closest we'll get to depicting horses exactly as they are in life. The stylistic choices are extremely subtle, and seem more like a consequence of the medium than a deliberate goal on the artist's part (e.g., you can't make a realistic mane out of resin, so you have to compromise).
I love both the stylistic trappings that humans fall into when depicting horses and the endless quest for the perfect artistic representation of the horse. Both are beautiful. All horse art is beautiful.
(Obligatory disclaimer that I'm not an art historian or anthropologist, I literally studied bugs at university, so if you think I'm talking out of my ass you are MORE than welcome to add to this post!)
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idk im just thinking about something...
The bakusquad had been enjoying a casual walk after class, laughing and joking around, when Kaminari suddenly stopped in his tracks. His face scrunched up in a mixture of confusion and disgust as he pointed down the street.
"Brotha eww, what is that?" he blurted out, drawing the others' attention.
Mina followed his finger, her eyes locking onto a couple who seemed completely oblivious to the world around them, tangled up in a passionate kiss. She stared for a moment, trying to process what she was seeing, before wrinkling her nose in disgust. "Why are they making out in the middle of the street?"
Kirishima averted his gaze quickly, his cheeks flushing. "Stop staring, you guys, that's rude!" but his voice held a hint of curiosity like he was wondering what exactly was going on.
Sero squinted, leaning forward slightly as he tried to get a better look. "Wait a second," he said slowly, a dawning realization creeping into his voice. "Why do they kinda... look familiar?"
It was like a light bulb went off in everyone's heads at once. Mina gasped, her eyes widening in shock. "Ohmygosh, that'sâ"
"BAKUGO AND Y/N?!" they all yelled in unison, their voices overlapping as they stared in disbelief.
The couple in question didn't seem to notice the commotion they were causing.
Katsuki's hand was tangled in your hair, pulling you closer as if he couldnât bear the thought of you being even an inch away from him. Your hands rested on his chest, gripping the fabric of his shirt as if anchoring yourself in the intensity of the moment.
Kaminariâs jaw dropped, and he nearly tripped over his own feet. "I did not need to see that," he muttered.
Mina, however, was already pulling out her phone, ready to snap a picture. "Oh, this is too good," she giggled.
Kirishima reached out to stop her. "No way, Mina! You can't just take a picture of them like that!" But there was no hiding the grin tugging at the corners of his mouth.
Sero folded his arms, smirking. "I gotta say, I'm surprised, but... not that surprised? I mean, we all knew something was up with those two."
Mina paused, phone in hand, and nodded. "Yeah, I guess it was kinda obvious. But still, this is Bakugo! Mister 'I donât have time for your stupid feelings!'" she made a groggy voice.
Kirishima laughed, shaking his head. "Guess he does have time after all."
As the group continued to watch, Bakugo finally seemed to notice them, his sharp eyes catching sight of his gawking friends. His expression instantly shifted from lovey dovey to pissed, his usual scowl making a fierce comeback. He pulled away from you slightly, though he didnât let go, his hand now resting possessively on your waist.
"Oi, the hell are you extras looking at?!" he barked, his voice carrying down the street. His glare couldâve burned a hole through steel.
You quickly buried your face in his chest, a mix of embarrassment and laughter bubbling up inside you. Katsuki was clearly not having any of this, and his friends knew better than to push their luck when he was in a mood.
But Kaminari couldnât resist. "Sorry, bro! Just, you know, didnât expect to see you guys... uh... so cozy in public!"
Bakugo growled, tightening his hold on you. "Mind your own damn business!"
Sero waved his hands in a placating gesture. "Alright, alright, weâll leave you two alone. Come on, guys, letâs give them some privacy." he snorted, shaking his head.
Mina blew you a cheeky kiss before turning away, her laughter ringing in the air.
As they walked away, you peeked up at Katsuki, a smile tugging at your lips. "Well, that was... something."
He huffed, still glaring at his retreating friends, but when he looked down at you, his expression softened.
"Strawberry lipgloss? That one new?"
#bnha#my hero academia#bakugou katsuki#boku no hero academia#female yn#katsuki bakugou#bakugou x reader#x reader#katsuki bakugo x reader#mha
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12:45am â gojo satoru ;
âcute earrings, whereâd you get them?â shoko asks.
âhm?â still clinging to sleep, you absentmindedly reach up to caress the metal dangling from your ear. the sharp indents of its gem pricks you back into a memory. âoh, these. i got them from a friend last week.â
âfriend? or do you mean boyfriend?â
shokoâs words are throwaway, her wandering eyes and yawn a clear indication yet your face warms despite yourself. shaking your head furiously, you exclaim, âa friend! just a friend."
shoko hums, shifting her cigarette to the other end of her mouth. her gaze flickers somewhere behind you and you almost look too, when her words pull you back. âcome to think of it, i donât think youâve ever told me what your type was.â
âmy type?â your mind blanks. âiâve probably never told you because iâve never thought about it myself. i mean, being a jujutsu sorcerer and all, romance is kind of off the table.â
shoko keeps looking at you, pressing you without words. you grimace and sigh.
"i mean, i guess, maybe someone good looking? someone whoâs not boring? and now that we're talking about it, someone who is fit and athletic too. they'd have to be smart, but not book-smart, like, street-smart." the more you think of it, the more words seem to spill from your mouth. "and someone who has a good sense of humour, someone who will make me laugh.â
âsomeone good looking, interesting, sporty, smart and funny? thatâs too greedy.â
you giggle. âyouâre right, thereâs no way thereâs anyone that perfect. i guess iâll have to be single forever.â
âyou'll always have me.â shoko says, grinning.
you push her shoulder but donât deny it.
yaga walks into the classroom, cutting your conversation short. you spin around in your seat to face the front, eyes accidentally meeting gojoâs. he turns around too, and you reason that he was probably looking out the window behind you. you see getou snicker and whisper something in his ear, but gojo seemed to be having none of it, blatantly ignoring him.
seeing his face makes you think. didnât gojo kind of match your type? someone attractive, interesting, athletic and maybe not academic smart, but he definitely carried an air of confidence when it came to fighting. and it wasn't a secret that he lightened the air wherever he went, intentionally or not.
with a start, you look back at shoko. âand someone calm. someone with manners.â
âwell-mannered and calm. what insane preferences.â shoko chuckles. âare there any more?"
yaga slams his hand on the table a few times, reluctantly drawing your attention back to the front.
your previous conversation dies and twiddles away into the background, overtaken by droning lectures and predictable missions. by the end of the day, you can't even remember what you had told shoko early that morning.
when you enter the classroom the next day, youâre surprised to find gojo already there, seated at his table. his sunglasses hangs lower on his nose than usual and most curiously of all, a book is held in his hands. youâre not sure if heâs actually reading or not considering that pages were being turned far too quickly for someone reading âordinary objectsâ by amie thomasson.
his eyes flicker to yours as you head in. âgood morning.â
âmorning. whatâs with you?â
gojo clears his throat. âwhat ever do you mean?â
your frown transitions to a grimace. âwhy are you talking like that? did you break something of mine? was it my potted plant, gojo i told you to take good care of it!â
âi am taking care of it! itâs not dead yet!â he exclaims before pausing uncharacteristically. he sits back in his chair and turns back to his book. âi mean, itâs fine.â
âyou sure?â
âi am.â
you narrow your eyes before looking away, dropping into your seat. âit better be. shoko got me that one.â
âspeaking of shoko, is she not coming today?â
âi think she stayed overnight at the morgue.â
âis that so? perhaps i should write notes for her. i wouldnât want her to miss out on class.â
you turn to him horrified. âso you did kill my plant!â
âi said itâs not dead!â gojo bursts. another pause. he clears his throat, adjusting his glasses. âi simply worry for her.â
you stare at him and watch as he fidgets under your gaze. âare you feeling sick? did you eat something wrong?â
âiâm not sick. what part of me looks sick?"
âwell youâre usually not thisâŠâ you watch him as you wrack your brain, trying to find a word to describe this situation. âcâŠâ
gojo leans forward. âyes?â
âcrazy.â
he falls back in his chair, groaning, book forgotten and placed harshly down on the table.
you tilt your head. âwhere's getou, you guys didnât come to class together? donât tell me you fought.â
gojo peers up and frowns. âno, can i not show up to class early just because i feel like it?â
âit would be extremely out of character, yeah.â you rest your chin on your hand as you watch gojo mutter to himself, his jaw jutted out and his nose scrunched.
he was clearly unhappy, it didnât take a scholar to know. it might take a genius to figure out why though.
you had time to kill, might as well take up the challenge. maybe he hadnât had his morning dose of sugar yet, or maybe his favourite anime had delayed itâs upcoming episode. maybe he didn't save properly on the new game he was playing, or maybe he simply didn't sleep well last night. or maybe he had lied to you and he had fought with getou, leading to this strange attitude.
the more you thought about it, the more it made sense. the way he was acting now was like a mockery to getou's usual behaviour.
âare you trying to be like getou?â you try.
gojo whirs around to face you. âwhat?â
âwell, youâre trying to be composed.â he keeps staring at you and you clear your throat. âlike more well-mannered. more calm.â
gojo remains silent but you watch as his jaw drops. you think that he might say something but then his mouth closes, only to open again.
gojo speechless, what a sight. but as good of a sight as it was, you were beginning to feel concerned.
âare you sure youâre alright? what did you eat yesterday?â
he doesnât register your question. âyou think getou is well-mannered?â
âyeah?â
âand calm?â
you nod. âmore than you, at least.â
âdo you think heâs interesting too? sporty? smart? funny?â he pauses. âgood-looking?â
the questions throw you off guard and you sit up. âwhat? where is this coming from?â
âoh my god, you do.â
âno? i mean, i think getouâs great and everythingââ
âyou think getouâs great?â
âdonât you?â
âyou think getouâs hot.â he concludes. âand you think getouâs great.â
"what are you even saying?"
"i don't know. why don't you tell me?"
baffled, you flail for words. âare you jealous of him? that's strange, i didnât think either of you would ever feel jealous of each other.â
gojo grits his teeth and looks away. with a pout, he says, âme neither.â
the door to the classroom is thrown open and getou steps through, rubbing the back of his neck. he yawns on his way to his chair and it wakes him up, looking between you and gojo as you both watch him enter.
âwhat did you guys do?â he asks with a sigh.
ânothing!â
ânothing.â gojo says and glares at him.
getou blinks.
âokay.â he says slowly, sliding out his chair and sitting. âwhat did i do then? why are you both looking at me like that?â
âgojoâs being weird.â you snitch. âare you guys fighting?â
âhow should i know? i thought we were doing okay. gojo, if i did something, use your words and tell me.â
"i'll use my words to tell you to suck my dick instead."
"so i did do something. you're so predictable, gojo."
you snicker as gojo huffs and glances away, looking away out the window behind your head. his train of sight cuts right past you but you canât help but feel slightly flustered as he looks on, almost like he was looking at you, so determined to ignore getouâs pestering.
subconsciously, you drown getou out too, your traitorous mind observing the blue in gojoâs eyes. you had always thought it was just one colour, but looking at it now, it seemed more like a kaleidoscope of blues, the many shades sparkling and dimming as he watched birds flutter outside the window, and you watched their shadows through his eyes.
something shifts, in the air or in the skies you don't know, and gojo meets your eye. startled, you hold the gaze and he holds it too, just long enough for your lungs to run out of air.
you look away hastily and inhale.
gojo glances to the front, oddly fidgety.
getou looks between the two of you. âwhat the fuck was that?â
ânothing.â gojo says.
getou clearly doesn't buy it but though he tries to get an answer out of you, you don't give him one either. cupping your cheeks, your thoughts mirror his question. what was that? it was embarrassing, that's what it was and your realisation is only heightened as a silence fills all four corners of the classroom.
gojo clears his throat. âfor me, i like someone who i'm already comfortable with. someone i already know.â
at his words, you look over at him and find him already staring. he frowns as you don't give him any other reaction.
yaga saves you from addressing his statement, walking into the room as the bell for class rang. "oh? you're all early, even you gojo. where's shoko?"
âsheâs staying at the morgue because of the recent mission.â
âi see.â yaga nods. âthen letâs start.â
your mind fails to work as you turn over gojoâs words, thinking them through. what did they mean? what was he talking about? did this weird confession have something to do with why he was acting so strange?
slowly, you draw connections between your conversation with gojo and the talk you had with shoko yesterday morning. an epiphany shoots through you and you cover your mouth to hide a gasp.
did that mean�
someone he knew? acting strange? getting mad when you said you liked getou?
you watch gojoâs side profile, hoping heâd turn around. if what you thought was right, heâd turn.
seconds tick past. yagaâs voice drawls on and yet gojo doesn't even spare you a glance.
no, maybe you were wrong after all.
just as you were about to face yaga again, gojoâs head shifts and his eye flicks over to yours. they widen when he finds you, and youâre sure youâre in a similar shocked state.
oh my god, you think, eyes darting between him and the other boy in the room.
gojo has a crush on getou.
filler imagine based off of that One scene from the manga: "megane tokidoki yankee kun"
#gojo x you#gojo x reader#gojo satoru#gojo satoru x reader#gojo imagine#gojo drabble#getou suguru#ieiri shoko#jujutsu kaisen#jjk#sashisu#sss trio#gojo hcs#gojo fluff
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