#guess i'll have to take care of it myself

[oh-no-its-bird]

Very rare nsfw Bird au !! Pls do not interact if ur a minor or I'll fucking kill myself, and then no one will get anymore Naruto content because I'll be dead

So, you know that one type of fic that's like "Tobirama sleeps Madara in an attempt to calm him the fuck down / give him something to focus on / tie him to the village so he will be less likely to leave or self destruct" ?

Ok so THAT. but now throw Hikaku in there to help. They are teaming up to try and tie Madara down before he doom spirals

Ok so. Hikaku and Tobirama talk about how they're worried about Madara's looming self implosion / mental state

Tobirama is like "don't worry, I'll take care of this."

And Hikaku is kinda press x to doubt but also kinda "alright, good luck"

Only for a couple days later Madara to seem to calm down / have become dramatically more smug and peaceful.

So, yk, Hikaku is like "woah, Senju-sama what did you do? Whatever it was, keep it up, this is wonderful I haven't seen him so level in months."

And Tobirama is like "Hmm. Yes. Letting him have his way with me certainly did seem to help calm him, didn't it?"

And Hikaku is like record scratch car crash noises "letting him WHAT."

So Tobirama explains that yeah, he let Madara fuck him. A lot. Also he would NOT shut up during it, which Tobirama also just kind of let happen which also seemed to help...? Double time therapy, I guess

And Hikaku is like. Head in his hands. If it works it works...? He guesses...? Oh my god he wish he didn't know this tho

BUT THEN.

Tobirama is gone for a week on a mission, and Madara is looking pretty bad. Like, sharp decline, he is in a bad way. And Hikaku, panicking, is like "oh fuck what would Tobirama do" and then ends up throwing himself at Madara out of desperation

It works !! Surprisingly well !! There were a couple hiccups at first maybe, but Madara and Tobirama were never exclusive or anything (and Madara might have partially agreed out of spite for Tobirama)

Madara calms down, Hikaku is left with his head spinning and very "fuckkkkk ok, too late to back out now. It worked, we are commiting"

Tobirama comes back and is pleased, less work for him. Good job Hikaku, he knew u were a real one

Now, this is purely tactical for Tobirama (at that point) it's a strategic fuck to calm Madara down, with a bonus of usually being good for him.

So he is pleasantly surprised Hikaku backed him up. He would have thought Hikaku might try and find someone else to throw at Madara, the fact he would sacrifice himself only further proves his loyalty to the village in his eyes

Hikaku one of the real ones fr, Tobirama's trust and respect in him is on the rise

Hikaku still has his head in his hands as he digests the fact this is his life now

Meanehile: In Madara's little world, rhe senju bastard AND his hot most loyal man in the world are throwing themselves at him. He is convinced he's winning.

And like, he is, to be fair. But only because of the mental illness

Madara is sitting around creating convoluted soap opera plot lines for the three of them in his head.

Like, he's imagining Hikaku and Tobirama office cat fighting over him, one of them getting jealous over the other, competing for his attention and affection. Two of Konoha's most powerful, well respected, high ranking shinobi... and they are fighting over Madara... he's so back..

Meanwhile Tobirama and Hikaku are telling eachother ab their recent Madara interactions and going "oh good, that should keep him calm for a few days" and nodding at eachother like "we are in this mess together, my brother in arms"

So, Madara ends up noticing the vibes in that corner and then he possibly ends up getting jealous of them spending too much time alone together (they are strategizing on what to do with/to him next) and gets even more pouty and mad even after they fuck, because "I bet this bitch was thinking about Tobirama/Hikaku the whole time >:(

(Meanwhile, Madara was the one thinking about the other the whole time. Mostly in the context of them joining them)

He finally snaps and rejects one of Tobirama's advances while saying something stupid shit like "why don't u just go sleep with HIKAKU, since I know thats where you REALLY wanna be. You think I haven't noticed you sneaking around with him, huh? Huh? Whore."

And Tobirama is like "are we seriously doing this now? Is this seriously what we are doing? Ok."

And Tobirama and Hikaku now have to strategize to come on to Madara TOGETHER or smthn, or at minimum put on some sort of production to feed into his sudden insecurities so they can guide him out of them

Madara meanwhile remains suspiciously fixated on the idea of them sleeping together (without him!!!! How dare they!!!!)

All of that is to say:

Tobirama and Hikaku end up sleeping together for Madara and having to put on a big show of it just to make Madara feel like he still has the power here.

Tobirama is largely indifferent to this turn of events, Hikaku remains "oh my god how is this my fucking life" but also "well. It's for the greater good, I guess. Not like it's a horrible fate for me."

So anyways: Hikaku and Tobirama alliance to try and calm Madara the fuck down via fucking and letting him fuck them. Pass it on.

[adsagsona]

"I wouldn't know what that feels like." Caz caught the mood and smiled at her. "But I guess that it would be... I only have to take care of myself."

When Liana told him that she would be fine in the morning, Caz nodded. They could move on then and set everything in motion, literally. "Oh no, you're taking the bed. I'm feeling better. I'll just wrap myself in my cloak." Caz answered. Having some food in him had helped.

Liana chuckled, shrugging her shoulders. 'I wouldn't mind for any real orders. It gets tiering constantly ordering others around and being the one in charge.' She sighed, massaging the inside of her palm.

She nodded at his words, the expression on her face shifting into seriousness. ' Oh I'll be fine by the morning. Even though your blood helped me get some of my strength back, once I wake from sleep, I should be ready to face whatever is thrown our way.' She went to stand, but stopped herself. 'Speaking of sleep. Do you have an extra blanket I can use? I can pouch up on the floor by the fire.'

[itsybitsybatsyspider]

don't you just love it when you find an obscure mediocre media that has such an intriguing concept and storyline that has better potential than whatever Marvel's been putting out for the last two years but then go to see that there's no fandom or fan content for it so you're basically vibrating and going feral by yourself in the corner as it rots your brain??

yeah so anyway, have some Max Steel doodles

[shalom-iamcominghome]

My jewish community, friends, rabbi, and educators: We are very invested in helping you be jewish. Do you want to help read the haftarah? Here's a chanukiah! You can have it!! Borrow these books! Here's some books! You need more books... Come to pesach! Come to the chanukah party! When are your classes done? We need a minyan for once!

Me and my 50000 IQ: What if I am Secretly Appropriating judaism? What if I am doing a Cultural Appropriation........

[minivirgo]

i think i'm just fundamentally evil and broken ?

[xxbritishrosexx]

The prince has arrived

What a great way to start the long weekend is to have mail from across the ocean.

(And I thought customs would keep him hostage longer since Etsy hadn't updated itself so this was a pleasant surprise- not that I complain tho he is even better irl-)

Thank you so much @beannary , the prince arrived safe and sound

[naamahdarling]

.

[selamat-linting]

resignation letter is the most potent painkiller. i love you resignation letter i love you one month notice <3

[boopsloop363]

Why don't you think women should be allowed to vote? One of the first things women voted for was raising the age of consent (Delaware iirc)

Same reason they shouldn't serve in the military or be cops. It is shameful of men to let women engage in acts that debase them or put them in harms way. They shouldn't have to worry about stuff like politics or 9-5's because their jobs are far more important than anything men could ever do

[halogalopaghost]

[front-facing-pokemon]

[lieutenantselnia]

Yesterday I've been doing some proper physical exercise for the first time since last year and I'm just imagining how proud my f/os would be of me🥹

[manasurge]

1/3 of the way done of this last page, then I can finally post it all o|-<

[mousegirl-cheerleader]

It's gettin pretty tough to keep squeakin I'll tell you that much

[wolpatinga]

[fionnaskyborn]

god's strongest [redacted] hater but i am being respectful about it. as anyone should. cannot fathom the kind of people who will go out of their way to harass others just because of the laws of mileage may vary.

which won't stop me from exploding [redacted] as a construct with my mind every time i come across it which is. almost daily. pain and suffering