#guess i always had a type
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i found old art and i used to make so many comics??
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✨ pokémon AU! 🔴✨ clora is mainly fairy & psychic (bc shes sweet but also smart) whereas seb trends towards fire/dark (even tho i only ended up giving him 1 dark pokemon...shhh) i originally gave him a houndour, bc dark + guard dog was such a perfect combo for him, but arcanine ALSO suits him and is way cuter so i had to go with that 🥹 and i had to fit in a raven and a snake pokemon somewhere bc...cmon🥰 BAHAHA
TYSM to the anon who inspired this!! it was so much fun
#also both of them have matching swellows that they dont use in their team...its my pokemon AU equivalent of their matching swallow patronus#& i didnt end up drawing this but when theyre older they also discover Unown in some ancient ruin/catacomb#and so it just kinda ends up following them/they keep it after they discover it#also anon... u said u had notes on ur phone for why sylveon is perfect for clora PLS SEND THOSE...or reply to this...im curious#god im so jealous of clora in that last pic of her being coddled by arcanine and charizard tho (and i guess by seb too😒)#oh to be snuggled by a bunch of pokemon...that should be MEEE!!!! im a cat person irl but god i love arcanine SO MUCH#i always have one in my team when i play and i always name him cheeto🧡#also i only gave seb a gengar bc i like him matching with clora and her having a clefairy BAHAHA..had to get my love of opposites in#gengar does suit him tho i mean just look at that face and that damn smile#same with togepi and corviknight...love the idea of the bird protecting the egg hehe. and ice type alolan vulpix with fire type arcanine#i also almost gave seb a ceruledge or amouredge bc they look like knights bahaha#i also originally gave clora an alcremie instead of lunatone bc i love alcremie...but the shiny lunatone is too perfect for her#a pale crescent moon with blue eyes like HELLO and its psychic..i had to...ravenclaw as hell#hogwarts legacy#sebastian sallow#sebastian sallow x mc#sebastian sallow x oc#hogwarts legacy sebastian#clora clemons#choccyart
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Wild how we know that Elizabeth Woodville was officially appointed to royal councils in her own right during her husband’s reign and fortified the Tower of London in preparation of a siege while 8-months pregnant and had forces gathering at Westminster “in the queen’s name” in 1483 – only for NONE of these things to be even included, let alone explored, in the vast majority of scholarship and historical novels involving her.
#lol I don't remember writing this - I found it when I was searching for something else in my drafts. But it's 100% true so I had to post it.#elizabeth woodville#my post#Imo this is mainly because Elizabeth's negative historiography has always involved both vilification and diminishment in equal measure.#and because her brand of vilification (femme fatale; intriguer) suggests more indirect/“feminine” than legitimate/forceful types of power#It's still bizarre though-you'd think these would be some of the most famous & defining aspects of Elizabeth's life. But apparently not#I guess she only matters when it comes to marrying Edward and Promoting Her Family and scheming against Richard#There is very lacking interest in her beyond those things even in her traditionally negative depictions#And most of her “reassessments” tend to do diminish her so badly she's rendered utterly irrelevant and almost pathetic by the end of it#Even when some of these things *are* mentioned they're never truly emphasized as they should be.#See: her formal appointment in royal councils. It was highly unconventional + entirely unprecedented for queens in the 14th & 15th century#You'd think this would be incredibly important and highlighted when analyzing late medieval queenship in England but apparently not#Historians are more willing to straight-up INVENT positions & roles for so many other late medieval queens/king's mothers that didn't exist#(not getting into this right now it's too long...)#But somehow acknowledging and discussing Elizabeth's ACTUAL formally appointed role is too much for them I guess#She's either subsumed into the general vilification of her family (never mind that they were known as 'the queen's kin' to actual#contemporaries; they were defined by HER not the other way around) or she's rendered utterly insignificant by historians. Often both.#But at the end of the day her individual role and identity often overlooked or downplayed in both scenarios#and ofc I've said this before but - there has literally never been a proper reassessment of Elizabeth's role in 1483-85 TILL DATE#despite the fact that it's such a sensational and well-known time period in medieval England#This isn't even a Wars of the Roses thing. Both Margaret of Anjou and Margaret Beaufort have had multiple different reassessments#of their roles and positions during their respective crises/upheavals by now;#There is simply a distinct lack of interest in reassessing Elizabeth in a similar way and I think this needs to be acknowledged.#Speaking of which - there's also a persistent habit of analyzing her through the context of Margaret of Anjou or Elizabeth of York#(either as a parallel or a foil) rather than as a historical figure in HER OWN RIGHT#that's also too long to get into I just wanted to point it out because I hate it and I think it's utterly senseless#I've so much to say about how all of this affects her portrayal in historical fiction as well but that's going into a whole other tangent#ofc there are other things but these in particular *really* frustrate me#just felt like ranting a bit in the tags because these are all things that I want to individually discuss someday with proper posts...
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i dont even know where i got the whole meowing thing i guess its a thing now
#guess i meow at shit now#idk maybe its bc ive never had cats but to me cats r either condescending snobs or little creachurs#i dont think im cat coded either#whenever i type oyt meow#i would always think of the guy thats meowing at an egg#MIEAOUWWWWWWWWWW#frambling...?
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I should mention this before I go to bed: Today's program revealed a lot of information about the Tomato Head Girl (Kurara Oosuzuki), the character I said I was attracted to for some reason even before the details were released, and I'm totally convinced that this girl is totally my type, and I'm sure I like her.
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#呟き#the hundred line#Kurara Oosuzuki#For your information#the type of character I always fall in love with is#a tsundere who has no friends. 😆#I guess somehow I had found a character that seemed to fit that perfectly. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
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actual image of me trying to figure out what class to choose for my Rook so i'll have one of each possible class in my 3 person party as I drag my love interest and my best friend through the ass end of Thedas
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#dragon age#veilguard#i'll add a tag#squirrel plays datv#just for my posting about the character i have percolating in my head#see i could go warrior like i always do and take harding and neve and have an all-lady wrecking crew who all kiss each other#or i could pick a mage like i literally never do and take davrin and lucanis for a very dramatic love triangle type of deal#who also all kiss each other#or i could pick a rogue and take taash and emmrich for ultimate shenanigans with my necromancer sugar daddy and my gf who can suplex me#and you guessed it! we also all kiss each other#and by the maker i'm GOING to fit bellara in there SOMEWHERE and KISS HER or i DIE#i've had the name “Verbena” picked out for a big strong lady warrior since like. 2018????#but i'm amenable to changing it as necessary#i'm not willing to entertain the possibility of my two favorite characters being the same class#LET ALONE THE SAME CLASS AS ME#that would be a cruel twist of fate
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,
#started typing out a long soppy post as i’m emotional rn but decided otherwise#i just want to say thank you to the community really#this is by far the nicest community i have ever had the pleasure of being part of#and i’ve always had imposter syndrome i guess and other fandoms only amplified that and made me feel beyond useless#and i’ve always had the misfortune of only being known as ‘[person]’s friend’ or ‘[person]’s mutual’ etc#and never as just my own person i guess#and i kind of got used to that? i got used to people only communicating with me to get to someone else - usually someone with more clout-#or followers or whatever#and ngl part of that still fucking stings#and is partly why i joined this community completely anonymous#like i am just anonymous community member fitpacs with nothing more than pronouns#and the fact i have managed to make friends and connections in this community even with that - it astounds me#and it means the absolute fucking world#i’ve never had the feeling of complete acceptance in an online sphere (i’ve dealt with irl aspects in therapy dw im fine)#so i just want to say thank you for accepting me wholly and completely in this community (q/smpblr/ratinhos/huevitos)#i honestly wasn’t expecting the warm welcome because of past fandoms#and i don’t know how ive managed to have such a wholesome experience honestly but thank you#thank you for reading my fics and my shitposts and sending kind anons (remember ‘fitpacs appreciation day’?!)#just thank you for accepting me for me and not expecting anything in return#i may regret posting this tomorrow but oh well#thank you for accepting anonymous community member fitpacs and expecting nothing in return - it means the world to me and then some
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ALBUMS
Where's The Beef?
According to the man himself, Paul can bash out a song in the time it takes Linda to whip up a soyasome supper. But is this necessarily a good thing?
By Chris Ingham. Illustration by Richard Camps.
Paul McCartney
Flaming Pie PARLOPHONE
McCartney sans band again. Self-penned, played and produced, apart from contributions by Jeff Lynne, Ringo Starr, Steve Miller and son James McCartney.
I'VE STOPPED TRYING TO JUSTIFY LOVING solo McCartney. Of course some of the work of the last 27 years has been slack and misjudged. Yes, his trust in stream-of-consciousness and the inspiration of the moment ("If you're working too hard on something, it probably means its not very good") has left a catalogue with at least as much eccentric, cavalier material as substantial. But if you respond to someone, you respond. A lot of minor McCartney means as much to me as the major. The aloof will sigh; we expect more from a pop giant.
But there is more - the gargantuan Liverpool Oratorio has its moments, his minimalist-impressionist chamber piano piece A Leaf is a charmer, the forthcoming Standing Stones symphony is an intriguing prospect - it's just that these days, pop is only part of what he does. In pop, he's changed the world already, he's had his purple patch, and he hasn't had another genius to run his new songs by for quite a while; that can do things to a man's quality control.
However, though less spectacularly ambitious than the serious work, there is much to be enjoyed here. The indisputable melodic flair, the uplifting, doe-eyed optimism, the daft rockers, all here on Flaming Pie, an album in the McCartney tradition of pretty good, nudging upper middle. If you're hip to him, that's all you'll need.
Though not reaching the coherent, miraculous heights of Band On The Run (1973), it's miles better than the interminable live albums or his last, the heart-sinkingly ordinary Off The Ground ('93). Better, too, than the aberration of Give My Regards To Broad Street ('84) and the not-as-bad-as-you've-heard Press To Play ('86). So, it's probably on a par with Flowers In The Dirt ('89) which, though lauded at the time as a major return to form (prompted, no doubt, by the red herrings that were the awkward McCartney-McManus collaborations), now seems no better/no worse than the slick, unfailingly tunesome Tug Of War ('82) or Pipes Of Peace ('83).
What noses Flaming Pie ahead of the pack, however, is a return to the engaging home-made quality of his earliest solo work. Back in do-it-your-self, down-home primitive miniaturist mode, back on deep-groove drums and bluesy guitar, there are echoes of McCartney (1970) and Ram (1971) here, and it all has an authentic ring of auteur about it. It's not that Beatley, but it's very McCartney.
Some of it is positively reckless, there's a determination to follow the mood, have a laugh, see what happens. Three songs here are little more than jams. Flaming Pie was a self-imposed challenge to finish a track with Jeff Lynne in four hours (like you do). Funny, surreal lyrics, a cracking 3 Legs-type vocal, a thunderous Why Don't We Do It In The Road/Don't Bring Me Down groove and some hilarious, cack-handed barrel-house piano; this is the track I'm playing visitors.
Ringo and Paul lock into a super-taut, muscled riff on Really Love You and McCartney makes up the song as he goes (like Mumbo from Wild Life but with words); mad, indulgent, but kind of happening. Only the duet with Steve Miller on a slinky Texas 12-bar palls. Two minutes of this good-vibe, one-take blues would have been a treat, four minutes feels like eight.
Interspersing this japery is good and OK Macca fare made better, perhaps, by co-producer Jeff Lynne's ear for detail on over half the tracks. There are no obvious ELO/Wilbury mannerisms and, oddly, the ones that sound most like Lynne don't involve him (both the strangely sinister If You Wanna and lightweight, damnably catchy Young Boy - the one he completed in a couple of hours while Linda was tinkering in the kitchen - feature orchestras of acoustic guitars), though the dry-as-a-bone sound and upfront vocals elsewhere betray Lynne's welcome presence.
Track Listing
The Song We Were Singing
The World Tonight
Somedays
If You Wanna
Young Boy
Calico Skies Flaming Pie
Heaven On A Sunday
Used To Be Bad Souvenir
Little Willo w
Really Love You Beautiful Night
Great Day
The Song We Were Singing is a vivid evocation of an evening with friends in the '60s; the sweet, hazy vocal, the trippy twang of the guitar, the struggle to make "...discuss the vast intricacies of life" scan, the soaring, singalong chorus all combine to give the track an enchanting, stoned elegance. Heaven On A Sunday is prime, dreamy Macca with gorgeously textured sound. It also features his son's debut as Dad trades his Oo You guitar licks with 20-year-old James McCartney's Dave Gilmour ones. Souvenir is an oddball beauty; a soulful, lazy thing with a surprise guitar-riff-from-hell and a psychedelic fade. This is all very encouraging, Lynne appears to have helped McCartney sound more like himself, somehow. To be continued, hopefully.
There are three finger-pickin' solo numbers. Calico Skies is an earnest little love song which develops into an anti-war prayer. Somedays is a portentous song of doubt, always threatening to mean something, beautifully decorated by George Martin's arrangement. Great Day manages to allude metrically to the Vincent Youmans's 1930 standard of the same title and melodically to McCartney's own Big Barn Bed in a sweet, throwaway piece of unfeasible optimism. They ain't Blackbird, but they're fine.
It must be noted that the man's singing is a marvel. The grey-around-the-edges folk-balladeering of Calico Skies, the falsetto blues-croon of Heaven On A Sunday, the deliriously uninhibited rock-shriek of Really Love You re-confirm that McCartney's vocal-style range is without equal in pop. Sinatra's pipes had virtually cracked at 55. What is this guy on?
"No sleepless nights over this one," he told Steve Miller. What with the serious stuff people keep asking him to write, who can blame him? Making this will have been a holiday by comparison.
The World's Greatest Living Melodist crown must lay heavy; here McCartney is sporting his Eccentric Primitive Miniaturist colours. Flaming Pie is a fine reminder of how much they suit him.
Paul McCartney talks to Chris Ingham live from his car somewhere in the great British countryside.
Flaming Pie. Pleased with it?
Yeah, like it a lot actually. It's always good when you're proud of what you've done, because when you're not you're always moaning at the record company about how they don't put posters up, or how they don t get plays and all that. But I sort of don't care. Even if radio doesn't take to it, posters don't get put up and people don't say the right things, I've got a feeling that because I like it, I don't give a shit. I'm not sure that's 100 per cent true but the feeling's there. It feels good. I'm comfortable; there's a lot to be said for that.
Don't you feel like this after each new record?
No, not really. You always enjoy like having a new baby, as it were, but this one feels a bit special. It's like Anthology, people would ask, "Are you worried? Should you have done it? Is it right to do Free As A Bird?" I would say to them, listen, once The Beatles and George Martin have signed off on it, I always get a great feeling that it doesn't really matter what anyone thinks, we're a sufficiently cool enough gang of dudes, it's a question of sod the rest of them. I always used to get that feeling on Beatles albums; hey, it's The Beatles, we all like it, that's a pretty strong opinion.
It's not as easy to get that on my solo records because it's mainly me. I don't have the strength of the Woolwich around me. But on this one, there wasn't much pressure because the record people said, "We don't actually need a record from you for a while, so l started making music just for my own fun.
I think I've given the Anthology a decent interval, my stuff is suddenly ready, asked Linda if she had any photos, she had a great little selection, banged it together and it all suddenly seemed to work and it was, "Oh, there you go.
And I've told the marketing guys, "I don't want any sweat on this record, I don't care if you don't come up with a good idea, we're just gonna have a laugh." It's funny, they don't know where you're coming from, they re so used to that 'gotta get it right, get the right image desperation. Whereas I'm saying it'd be nice, but it's only a record. It really does cool things down.
One big thing with The Beatles, once in the early days we broke down on the motorway going back up to Liverpool in the severe winter, somewhere. One of us said, "Oh, what are we going to do now?" and another said, "Well, something'll happen." And it sounded so naive, we all laughed, "Yeah, something'll happen." Immediately a lorry came up and said, "Wanna lift, lads?" We all piled in. I'm a great believer in that "something'll happen" syndrome. It's like if you allow that space, that bit of peace in your mind, something sort of comes in to fill it. It's all very metaphysical.
You've said, "Songwriting's like the thumb in the mouth." It's interesting that through a worrying time with Linda being ill, you've made an upbeat kind of record. Is there a connection?
Yes, I think there is. When you have a major problem like that, it focuses what's important. I know everyone says that but it really does. For me, my family comes first, and a close second is music and working. I think it stopped me pissing around. I might have made a record and thought, Oh that's OK. But with that and having just done Anthology I thought, No I'm gonna make sure I'm happy with every song on this album. I don't want to waste time. I think that's the main force. If you're just breezing along you can think, Aah I've got forever, it's all great - you can find yourself wasting time. And also having looked at The Beatles albums and running your finger down the tracklist and it's Nowhere Man, Here There And Everywhere, Taxman, bang, bang, bang, every single one is a song you remember. I thought, I'm gonna make an album like that. I sorted a lot of songs and didn't bother with things I was in doubt about. So the whole episode focused me up quite a bit.
You've admitted in the past to feeling daunted by the Beatles' achievements, yet all this full-on Beatlosity of the past 18 months or so seems to have spurred you on.
Yeah well, the sort of plan was to take a holiday. But I'd just be sitting around with my acoustic, writing a song in a power cut in America, played it to a few people and it's "Ooh yeah, that's a good 'un." So I started stockpiling a few with nothing in mind, stuck 'em on a cassette and called them New Songs. Suddenly I had a lot of them. Called Steve Miller, who I'd known and played with once in the '60s after a Beatle session which was aborted because of, ahem, business differences. God, I've just come across a big field full of sheep here. Amazing. But I digress... I'd say to Steve, "look we don't need to get into heavy breathing, let's just knock it off", the way we did that track of his, My Dark Hour. He'd invited me up to his studio in Sun Valley, Idaho, did a track. Returned the hospitality, knocked off a couple more.
You're working with Jeff Lynne again. He'd passed the Free As A Bird test then?
Yeah, that was the audition (laughs). He was sort of George's boyfriend, if you know what I mean, and, you know, you don't want to tread on people's toes. But I'd enjoyed working with him and found him really easy to get on with, we always had a laugh. And I said, "Do you want to come over for a couple of weeks?" He said, "Well, you can't do much in a couple of weeks." I said, "Well, we can do a couple of tracks and mix 'em.."
What was the dynamic between you and Jeff?
I'd show him the song. And then first of all we'd bang it down with a couple of acoustics so we'd have a wash to go against, instead of a click track. It's an old Beatle trick, really. Everything used to have two acoustics, at least. It was mainly me and John showing the guys the song. That's one of Jeff's production tricks, too. I can't think where he got it. A lot of people when I mentioned working with Jeff their eyebrows raised, and I picked up what they meant was he's going to make an ELO of you. I actually had that worry with Free As A Bird. But then I thought, No, we'd worked around it, and even though it was a Jeff Lynne-type production I still thought it sounded very like The Beatles. So I had a chat with him and I said, "I don't want to get into your recognisable sound." He was actually a little bit surprised, I don't think he thinks he has a sound (in surprised Brummie voice), "What do you mean?" He's a very innocent kind of bloke. I said, "If I feel we re getting into a bit of a Jeff Lynne formula, let's find a trick to get round it, subvert it." He was quite into it, actually.
John Lennon said in the late '70s that if The Beatles were still making records, they'd sound like ELO.
Yeah, it was important to Jeff to meet John and have him say, "Oh I love some of those ELO tracks." I liked them, too. It's a bit like Oasis. Anyone who gives such an obvious tribute to you, you either hate it or you love it, and I love it. They're taking our style and proliferating it, if that's the word. ELO were good, you know, pity about the haircut. (Pause) I'm only kidding about the haircut, you'd better put in brackets - he'd kill me. He's still got it.
Given Ringo's and George Martin's cameos, George Harrison remains conspicuous by his continued absence. Is it difficult, given your history and the reported 'artistic tension' on the Free As A Bird/Real Love sessions, to contemplate a Harrison/McCartney collaboration?
I don't know really. To tell you the truth, when I was working with John, it was so, I don't know, so full, you never had a minute, so if working with George never really came up, I got in the habit of not working with him, I never really learned how to do it. When we did Free As A Bird there were one or two little bits of tension, but it was actually cool for the record. For instance, I had a couple of ideas that he didn't like, and he was right. I'm the first one to accept that. So that was OK. We did then say that we might work together but the truth is, after Real Love I think George had some business problems. Er, it didn't do a lot for his moods over the last couple of years. He's been having a bit of a hard time, actually, he's not been that easy to get on with. I've rung him and maybe he hasn't rung back. No big deal. But when I ring Ringo, he rings back immediately, we're quite close that way. You know, I'll write George a letter and he might not reply to it. I don't think he means not to reply to it but it makes me wonder whether he actually wants to do it or not. And if you're not sure, you back off a little. But I love him, he's a lovely guy and I would love to do it. It'd be fun, he's good.
#always start with an apology for liking paul#transcription was partly automatic but then it started getting hinky so i had to type loads#please point out mistakes!#i guess i have to admit that i have a *collection* of vintage magazines now
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to those who have watched inuyasha… tell me these two are not LITERALLY the same character archetype. i rest my case
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i was gonna show you all of his outfits then i remembered he has the most boring sense of fashion in the world
#and if i showed you all his outfits i'd have to invent some lore reason why for he's always half naked or in something super tight 😔#you see he uhhhh it's symbolism for uhhh well you see uhhhh#he's not my type at all i don't know why he's bewitched me#very casually and lightly writing his character so i think yeah as i said rich dad who's had a lot of wives#his mother was a supermodel he's the only kid he had with her and his youngest child he has older half siblings#frankie was doing runway modelling in his early and mid 20s (he's 27) but he quits to join his dad's business#he's just kinda fucked around his whole life he's trying to be more serious. i guess#ts4#ts4 edit#the sims 4#frankie
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i haven’t been here much recently, and i’m sorry i’ve only been negative on the off chance i’ve been online, but let me just say one last piece before the end of this month, so that maybe the next might be better….
#or maybe my time here ends w this month…i’m not sure i guess it all depends on how i feel but as of right now#everytime i think i'm fine i open tumblr and immediately am sad again the whole app has become my doomscroll at this point#i got a notification on a random talking post from a while ago and it felt like reading the words of a completely different person#lately i find it difficult to find any joy here at all when it always feels so lonely… a type of loneliness i’ve never experienced before#everyone always has ppl interacting w them who are interested in their stuff or are always sent things that are reminiscent of them....#i’m always praised for remembering stuff abt other ppl but i wonder if anyone remembers anything abt me#what is it about me that is so forgettable am i dull am i uninteresting did i not solidify myself enough do you guys just not like me lolz#but i don't want this to come across as guilt tripping or being ungrateful to what i do have because ik comparison is the death of joy but#it's still hard to watch when it's so in your face and it makes me think if ppl only talk to me because they feel obligated to#because anyone can say empty words.... i wish my perception of things didn't turn bitter i wish i hadn't become so jaded but#over and over i've felt irrelevant cast aside overshadowed and i cannot exist in a place where i feel like i'm a ghost in the corner#idk i've never felt like This before and i'm at least glad it's something i can walk away from by just....leaving...#sad that this used to be somewhere i can run away To but now it's become somewhere i want to run away From#i don't know...even if i get over whatever this is...things will never be the same for me... i just don't think i belong here#if only i had never made this blog then i would have saved myself a world of turmoil
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fashion icons!!
#luz noceda#amity blight#lumity#watching and dreaming#stringbean toh#the owl house#toh#toh epilogue#toh spoilers#my art#guess what I LOVE that amity now has a similar body type to odalia#listen#it reminds me of myself#always had a better relationship with my father#but looked like my mother#but amity has taken it in STRIDE#she's GORGEOUS and HERSELF#anyway amity's my wife how ya'll doing post finale
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#just a little mental health check in mostly for myself just to write it down#I'm in a weird place#in some regards I've been doing really well lately#I've been more social which always does wonders for my mental health#on the other hand a couple weeks ago I was home alone for a couple days and I was so stir crazy I almost couldn't handle it#I've actually been happy with my body for the last few months and I haven't had any anxiety about food nor have I attempted any restrictions#that's been a big bonus#I'm having a lot of trouble with decisions lately. I'm second guessing everything to a stressing degree#I feel like a bad person for reasons I can't totally pinpoint. like I think I'm manipulating everyone but to what end I can't tell#and there's a part of me that knows this is irrational but I can't shake it#it's so weird being aware that I'm doing so well in many regards#but I'm also able to feel myself slipping into types of paranoia that I know I'm suseptible to#today's been better but for the last few days my heart rate has been noticeably high (which says a lot because it is generally high)#it's caused unease#I don't know if I really have a point to typing any of this out#I'm feeling fine overall. I'm happy with my life right now. I have plenty of things to look forward to in the near and further future#I can just tell something is a little off and I think it might be beneficial to my future self to write this out for sake of timeline#I really need to start tracking my period because it totally might be that. or you know. I have OCD and anxiety is just a part of my life#who knows. it could be a mix or nothing or everything#I don't think anyone's reading this whole thing lol but if anyone does I do want to leave the reassurance that I'm fine and I'll be fine#like I said. just keeping an eye on myself.#oh I thought of another positive thing! I've been way less freaked out about chemicals lately! that's a nice note to end this on!#ashley rambles
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sharing some thoughts about deactivating here because it’s been difficult pondering idk.
#god i really really don’t want to do this. but i have to but i don’t want to but i have to but i don’t want to. and so on. you get the gist#though i guess i am more not wanting to let go of an idea or fantasy rather than reality#like i always wanted to be an active participant in fun oc art fandom writing etc etc communities#but all i really did was make way too many people uncomfortable with my worthless stuff.#like it and me are just not built for interacting with people lmao. especially when it comes to stuff like my characters or uh.#i don’t know you can’t call it art or writing just uh. creations i guess.#and like i knew that before i made this blog but then people started interacting with me and i thought hey maybe this’ll work out maybe i#can be better and then i so wasn’t. and for that i am very sorry.#(and i mean this is not the main reason why i feel like i have to do this but i can’t just go back like nothing happened on here lmao.#i deleted 90% of my shana posts i had/am having a crashout i gotta at least follow through after being so embarrassing#after being even more insufferable than usual haha. and if i stayed there would be even more people who feel obligated to stay around#i feel. and i so don’t want that. so just one more reason why i gotta be brave and just fucking do it.)#also i do realise that there’s the possibility of not deactivating and just logging off and leaving but every time i took a break like that#i always like felt a bit ‘better’/delusional & thought it’d be ok to return. sure that’ll happen again.which is why i have to be so drastic#like even if i made a new blog i know myself well enough to know that i’ll be too embarrassed to reach out to anyone again.#so it would really be a working solution to this problem. i really should just do it.#romeo’s wretched rambles#also a message to everyone telling me that they like shana and that he’s not a shit character to obsess over & more importantly share#with folks: appreciate the sentiment but there’s a lot of his evil you don’t know about.#i was implying some stuff here and there and some people i’ve told more privately but even they are missing like 25% of the shana.#those being the absolute worst parts of him. i am still absolutely obsessed with him but that’s my error to fix and i can’t subject#people to that anymore in good conscience. seeing people say they like him actively feels like i’m pulling a shana myself and deceiving#people with lies of omission sometimes. remember that lol. obviously ik that there r big differences but sometimes it just feels awful stil#so maybe he’s better contained in a separate private blog that i can torch once i get over this rot and just be done with this fucking char#again i don’t mean to say that i don’t appreciate the support but i’m sure many of your guys’ opinions would change If You Knew. you know.#(god. with the lies of omission thing. every day i learn more abt how i subconsciously write things that make me deeply uncomfortable lol)#(and that i fear. like. that wasn’t even intentional when i gave him that trait. i just realised that while typing this pointless mess lmao#anyways. thanks for readin if you made it this far. send me anon hate or something. hit me with an anvil and spit on my corpse if you will#i hope that at least by the end of this week i will have put my brave pants on and decided on what to do. sorry for being so annoying.
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Some. Sort of spectrum. From most likely to least likely.
And by kitten-pile I mean This
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I'll put a transcript under cut for easier reading! 🫡
How Likely Are They to Kitten Pile?
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Mirabilis: "are you tired..? do you need a break...? ohh we could take one together..."
If she likes/trusts you even a little, she wants to cuddle about it!!!
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Sharena and Peony: "Okay! 💖 Yay! 💖"
Shari: The only thing stopping her is social conventions -- making her MORE likely to jump at the opportunity!
Peony: Learning social awareness as she goes, and is surprisingly good at it?
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Triandra: "Aren't we a bit old for that...? But... even so..."
Embarrassed, conflicted, but feels strangely nostalgic at the notion...
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Plumeria: "I'm not so petal-soft that I'd resort to such INDECENCY, I mean even if your intentions are Pure USE YOUR HEADS YOU FOOLS!! Girl, the IMPLICATIONS!!!"
Desperately wants to join the kitten-pile, but her Issues and Pride gets in the way.
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Moe: "aw, so cutes!"
Generally touch adverse, extremely picky even with the people it likes/loves -- everything is entirely on its terms.
#fire emblem#feh#STILL. DRAFTING. IT FEELS LIKE. concetualizing. ect.#but this vision was So Strong. and is honestly Such a way to parse each out.#like... mira craves warmth and comfort... i think she esp likes cuddling w peony bc it feels like a mother's touch#esp the discrepancy in body types i'm going w here. i really wanna draw them together actually...#meanwhile LONG. LONG STANDING HC. about sharena being v physically affectionate even touch starved#and having to learn boundaries the hard way. i also think a huge difference between her and peony actually#is that peony always had someone to cuddle with (mira!!). so peony never had to 'outgrow' it the way shari had to#which may have led to peony being a little more adjusted actually??? i also am v much playing w the idea#that peony is like min maxed. she's surprisingly socially aware/emotionally intelligent#BUT. she still has huge blind spots due to her seclusion and mostly only interacting w kid mortals (in the dream realm)#and i esp think she fails to see the complexity in situations. ect ect#triandra. boy do i have lore about triandra. but you can take a guess. i'll leave that up to you.#AND PLUMERIA. OH MY GOD PLUMERIA. i can just TELL she's going to be an EXTREMELY FUN chara to write#she basically writes herself. looking deeper beyond the obvious sex repulsion/intimacy issues#she's a stubborn jaded 'too cool for this' older sister. who is WAY more protective than she will Ever Admit.#LIKE... I AM THINKING ESP HOW SHE TREATED MIRA IN THAT TT SIDE STORY.#the way she was looking out for her. tri is absolutely plum's most trusted confidant and therefore#the person she's most vulnerable with. but even then. she's still protective of mira and i bet even peony if she had trouble#(granting. they're on the same side). AUGH AND ALSO THE WAY PLUM IS STUCK IN HER WAYS TOO....#I DON'T HAVE COHERENT THOUGHTS. but the way plumeria Is just resonates so deeply w me...#mirabilis#sharena#fe peony#fe triandra#fe plumeria#moe tag#summoner oc#my art
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Next time somebody at work asks if I can help I’m just saying no idfc anymore
#I literally cannot help#I always try to help tho even when it’s not part of my job and then they keep coming back with even DUMBER questions#leave me alone#also I’ve just had a week off and this woman won’t fucking leave me alone for AGAIN… something that’s NOTHING TO DO WITH ME#I’m fucking busy catching up fuck off 😭😭😭😭😭#there’s literally a fucking dedicated query email for all this shit and guess what I DONT EVEN WORK FOR THAT TEAM#WHY DO U THINK I KNOW WHAT THE HELL UR ON ABOUT????#I’m looking for a new job this week I hate it so I have no patience for all the idiots anymore#and these are all fucking INTERNAL people not outside people who genuinely don’t know and just have my contact info for some treason#reason#this lady today: when you post these on the system can you add this specific information#me: literally does not and cannot post invoices on the system??#this lady also today: do u know the status of our account with this company#me: does not work for the team where the queries go. has nothing to do with said company#maybe just fucking ask the company yourself#she’s literally calling me rn as I type this LMAOO#IGNORING#rant over hehe sorry :)
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