#grumpy!clark

[bruciemilf]

What are your thoughts on Battison!Bruce and GrumpyCavil!Clark? Like I need you to feed me your thoughts bestie pls and thank

OOOF okay bestie, this is gonna be really obscure because I've been watching a ton of cooking shows, but I raise you: Hell's Kitchen AU

Alfred is a certified Chef with experience under his belt and a zero tolerance policy for bullshit. " WHAT ARE YOU?!"

Harley, between two pieces of muffin: an imbecile muffin--

And EVERYONE knows that Bruce, the clumsiest, messiest, worstest cook there, is present ENTIRELY because Alfred likes him and his endearing antics too much to boot him home

Bruce after squeezing pickle juice in his lemon tarts because he doesn't know the difference in color: is this okay :( I know it's not the best :(

Alfred, physically holding back the filthiest curses: Congratulations you're the winner of this week's challenge-

The Valentine's day theme eventually comes, and everyone expects cutie Bruce to be married to some nerdy, dorky, soft spoken person; Imagine their surprise when a 6'5 shithouse stomps his way into the building, going straight to dip Bruce In a kiss

Bruce in confessionals: My husband is the cuddliest teddy bear I know

Clark, breaking a blender with his bare hands and staring Ivy right in the eye:

Bruce: we're here to have fun :>

Clark, in HIS confessional: I hope they told their mothers 'I love you' because this is the slaughterhouse, and I'm the knife

[puppetmaster13u]

Prompt 235

“Mother, I have made a friend.” 

Now don’t get him wrong, Danny was delighted at the idea of Jordan making a friend, he really was. But the last three attempts had been borderline kidnappings, so he wasn’t entirely sure if he should be. Thankfully it doesn’t seem he’s kidnapped this one. Hopefully. 

Not that he wouldn’t be surprised if Dan managed to kidnap a tiny kryptonian, but the kid- Jon apparently- seemed happy enough to be there. Apparently his grandparents lived in the midwest too, and was happy enough to have someone to talk about it. 

Though um, maybe Danny should have checked to see if his parents knew where he’d gone, because he was not expecting a harried-looking superman to suddenly appear at his window. 

[superbat-love]

When you bring a friend over and they meet your cat for the first time.

[myloveforfanfictonisendless]

Them meeting after a protracted period of time due to taking individual solo missions Superman lifts his lover with love and affection with the first chance he gets holding no restraints of it being in front of his other teammates.

Bruce: *frown* Put me down or I will throw this on you

Clark: I missed you too Bat.

Bruce: It is made out of Kryptonite.

Clark: Still not going to let go so try better.

Bruce:........*grumpy but secretly happy to see his bf as well*

Picture from Pinterest

[puthyflapps]

Had a little thot about clexa’s baby having a tough time with teething 🥺

Clarke strolled through the city square of Polis with the little girl tucked securely against her chest and flanked by a group of imposing guards. She thought perhaps, taking the child on a relaxing walk in the warm afternoon sun might help soothe her restless little body. However, the effort seemed to be futile as the small form strapped to Clarke’s body continued to squirm in discomfort. The occasional whimper would escape the baby’s soft lips, and it sent sharp pangs of worry coursing through her mother’s heart. The young woman was just about to retreat back to the comfort of the Commander’s tower when she was approached by a familiar face.

“Wanheda,” the elderly woman greeted with a kind smile.

Clarke recognized her immediately as one of the many vendors who regularly visited Polis. Her name was Margaret, and if she remembered correctly, the older woman was known for selling a plethora of delicious fruits.

Being the Commander’s wife came with many benefits. One of which included being showered in gifts by the locals anytime she so much as stepped foot outside the walls of the tower. And with the recent addition of their daughter, the gifts only seemed to multiply. Vendors willingly and eagerly offered up a variety of goods ranging from clothes to toys and so much more. The woman before her was no different. Memories of earlier days when the blonde had first joined Heda in Polis flash before her eyes. Margaret had been one of the first people to welcome her with open arms, and she made it a point to surprise the sky girl with a new treat every time she walked past her stall in the marketplace.

“Hei,” Clarke responded in the woman’s native tongue. The skaikru woman was nowhere near fluent in Trigedasleng, but thanks to her wife, she had learned enough to hold a basic conversation. Clarke had even managed to learn a good deal of curse words thanks to Anya, a fact that both annoyed the Commander and delighted the General.

“For Heda,” Margaret stated with bright, caring eyes as she held up a wicker basket that was practically overflowing with colorful fruits.

One of the many guards traveling with the pair whose hands, unlike many of his fellow gonas, had managed to remain free of gifts for the Commander’s family reached out to graciously take the basket from the elderly woman.

“Her favorites from when she was a goufa,” explained the woman as her smile grew wider at the memories of the green-eyed natblida who visited her stall frequently, always eager to see what new treats awaited her.

The young mother can’t stop herself from mirroring Margaret’s dazzling smile as she envisioned a much younger version of her wife. Such exquisite images served only to leave her wishing that she had been born a child of Earth so that she might have gotten to experience such an innocent version of her beloved.

“Mochof Margaret, Heda is always grateful for your generosity.”

The grounder’s hazel eyes showed brightly, and her chest seemed to puff up with pride at the mention of Lexa. Clarke wasn’t sure she would ever get used to how much the people of the coalition loved her wife. From the moment they met, it had been obvious that Lexa would do anything for her people. It was one of the many characteristics the two young women shared and a large reason why the two were so drawn to one another. However, unlike her own people, the grounders seemed to reciprocate the Commander’s love tenfold. Individuals leaped at the opportunity to serve their Heda in whatever capacity they could, whether that be in the form of a powerful gona or a caring handmaiden. Vendors and craftsmen laid gifts at her feet not because they were seeking notoriety of some kind or because they wanted something in return from the powerful woman but because it was the only way the people of the thirteen clans could thank Lexa Kom Trikru for what she had given them — peace.

Clarke was soon brought out of her thoughts when she felt a stirring motion against her chest. She cast her attention away from the woman before her and towards the small bundle grunting unhappily in the sling wrapped securely around her body. Clarke's arms encircled her daughter's form, and she held the child closer to her chest as she began to sway back and forth. Doing her best to soothe the little one.

"Shhh, it's okay. We'll be home soon, I promise," Clarke whispered to the baby.

However, her sweet reassurances do nothing to ease the baby's pain. A fact that served only to make the ache in Clarke's heart more intense. The young woman casts an apologetic look over to Margaret, who's focused her attention on the small bundle in Clarke's arms. Worry etches its way across her face as she tries to understand what could have caused the Commander's daughter such great upset. Clarke pulls the fabric of the sling back enough to expose her baby's tear-streaked face. She lifts her finger to the child's plump bottom lip and pulls it down just enough to reveal the beginnings of a tooth.

Margaret's eyes widen in understanding as she sees what's been distressing the girl. The older woman rests a comforting hand on the small of the young mother's back as she lifts her other hand to signal for Clarke to give her a moment. Clarke watches Margaret's fleeting form in confusion, not understanding what the woman has set out in search of. It's only a matter of minutes before she returns with another delicious fruit. Mango, if she remembers correctly. She's had it a few times with Lexa during the days before their daughter had arrived, when they would hide away in their quarters, making love the whole time and pausing only to eat a quick meal here and there. Clarke notices this time, instead of cutting the treat into bite-size cubes, the typically oblong fruit has been sliced in half to reveal a rather large seed at its core.

"For the goufa," Margaret explains with her sweet eyes and warm tone.

She can sense Clarke's befuddlement. She can tell Clarke's unsure of what to do, so she pushes the fruit toward the little girl's mouth. Smiling contentedly when she sees her latch onto the fruit almost immediately. Margaret releases her careful hold on the mango when tiny hands come to rest on either side of it. Clarke smiles gratefully when her daughter's tears finally cease, and she begins to let out sighs of relief. It's a funny sight to behold, really. Her little baby holding on tightly to the fruit as she happily gnaws away. Using it as her own personal teething toy. She's never been more grateful for the connection between the people of Polis and their Commander than she is at this moment.

Clarke isn't entirely sure what Lexa's plans are for the rest of the day, but she does know that she'll be sending her back to Margaret's stall to purchase as many mangos as her gona can carry.

[lexivass]

Grumpy Farmer!Clark Kent x Bratty!Bruce Wayne Au 🌻💗

@bruciemilf based on our (mad women's) discussions of Bruce Wayne being a whore 🤌

[sarahreadstoomanycomics]

Obviously I know why Kon is searching the Kent farm it’s just funny he’s pictured there right below dialogue that says “Every major population center”

But still I love that we’ve been seeing all the Els consistently in Action for a few months now and it’s only a few months until this becomes all their book not just Clark’s and I really can’t wait.

[butmakeitgayblog]

What was the problem with your lexacoon shirt again

She felt weird going down and looking up and seeing cute lovey lexacoon on my boobs😔

[honeyrins]

[cloisbat] Relax bruce aint nobody taking them from you 🙏

[lonepower]

someone please give this child a sweater she's been wearing the same dress since 1521

[shamelessbingewatcher22]

My Steadily readers every time they get a notification for my other hyperfixation fic

Sorry guys! 🫠

But everyone in Wednesday and School Spirits fandoms, please enjoy the below ❤️❤️❤️

[bruciemilf]

A Ratatouille type AU where Bruce takes his tentative first steps into detectivism.

Gotham's so massively drowned out in crime that he's barely making a scratch surface level.

But you know who does know Gotham? Knows every nook and cranny among the narrows? Knows no fear? Stole Batman's tires when no one had the guts to?

Jason fricking Todd.

" Wait, -- no no, that's not when Penguin makes his deliveries anymore. That's when the pigs buy from him and take everything for free. You're gonna wanna bust him tomorrow, genius,"

"Jason," Bruce weights his trust carefully. " If I let you go... Are we in this together?"

Jason snorts, imaginary spit in his hand, shakes Bruce for it. And then runs. Leaving Bruce in a golden street light. Leaves him staring with his shoulders down.

"Oh, brother."

It's a pretty good deal; Jason gives him tips, he gets a comfy, puffy head, fresh food, and surprisingly?

Lots of hugs. Sunshine kisses on his nose and cheek and forehead.

" And how," Alfred rubs his temples around Bruce so much Jason thinks it's a reflex at this point, " Will you explain to the public why Batman carries around a sidekick with a curfew?"

" An unjust curfew."

" Jason will work at the Batcomputer."

" On my batchair, sipping on some bat-hot chocholate, from my bat mug. I mean, -- it's Gotham. We're not going anywhere."

Except. Lex Luthor, as most middle aged men who grew up with too much freedom and too little consequences, never learned what a rejection is.

"...The justice league?"

" Yeah, hot shot! I mean, you've been giving us some issues in the popularity department, my friend," He doesn't like the smirk on Lex's smile; As if he owns the whole world and wants to own him, too,

" The people are crazy for Superman punching a nazi, -- I don't like violence in my politics, but agree to disagree, -- Flash running for charity, Wonder Woman visiting some dying kid at the hospital. Everyone likes them. But nobody trusts them. They trust you."

" And it'd look very good for you to have a human on your team. After... That happened."

That includes the suspicious assassination of his political rival. Bruce begins to suspect its not suspicious at all.

" Bingo! See? I know a showbiz kid when I see one. Superman can show you the ropes. Guy's a better liar than me. That's saying something."

Jason's voice is protective and hissing like an angry viper in his ear, " I don't like this, Bruce. Don't take the deal."

But Bruce wanted to meet Superman outside of his city. Wanted to weight the risks. Wanted to see how big the man behind the symbol really is, and If humanity's lifespan is ended at one bad day.

So he accepts. And Superman Is nothing like he expected.

Passionate, angry, and uncomfortably handsome. That's who's got Bruce pinned to a wall, staring with barely surpassed annoyance,

" When I think he can't go lower, he surprises me."

" We're in this together, superm-"

" Oh no no no no. Your position as a citizen was secured the second someone shoved that silver spoon in your mouth. I didn't suffer years under that sentient ballsack so a tax dodging bastard like you can just walk in here, --"

" But I'm no--"

" I know who you are, Wayne. You're a troubled brat who gets what he wants. But I'm not daddy, or mommy, or your seriously scary butler. So if you wanna survive out here, you play by OUR rules. Got. It?"

"...Tell him to shove the biggest piece of kryptonite up his a--"

" We get it."

Superman's brow quirks, "We?"

" Me and my...Mental illness."

"...You're a weirdo, Wayne. I hope you know that much, at least."

[lexa-griffins]

I'm dying of laughter at older mom Lexa being stuck in the tub because she can't lift herself up 🤣 Or course Clarke would snap a photo to tease her. They're so cute and dorky

Lexa is struggling and Clarke is definitely not helping 🤣

Lexa is so independent even after they had kids and now to be unable to do some things because she forgot what's like to be pregnant is a constant struggle. And Clarke does like to tease her a little about but it's always good natured - and after being married for so long Clarke is well aware where the boundary between her being charming and annoying is - mostly because it's the definitive last time they'll be in this position and given how it is a bit of a risk pregnancy she likes to make light of these situations.

She'll definitely make sure to run Lexa's back and her legs and her feet to make up from laughing at her.... she won't delete the picture, but she'll make sure to make it up to her pregnant wife 🤭

[superbat-love]

AU where Bruce is the proud owner and operator of a cafe known as the go-to spot for the finest coffee in the quaint college town. While majority of the patrons sing its praises, a select few who have unwittingly incurred Bruce's ire find themselves less enchanted.

Bruce's children often frequent the cafe for study sessions, occasionally accompanied by potential partners who are unknowingly subjected to Bruce’s experimental concoctions known as "contingency coffees."

One day, Dick brings Clark to the cafe. Clark greets Bruce warmly, unfazed by the seething look he receives in return. After thanking the man for the cup of coffee slammed onto the counter in front of him, Clark joins Dick at their table.

While he was tutoring Dick, Clark can't help but occasionally peek at Bruce over his cup of coffee spiced with Carolina Reaper peppers. As they left the cafe, Clark thanked Bruce once again for the delicious coffee, much to his chagrin.

Clark becomes a regular visitor, ordering the same special coffee each time. Though initially infuriated by Clark's presence, Bruce begrudgingly tolerates him upon realizing Clark's lack of romantic interest in his son.

Clark frequently lingers near the counter, making earnest attempts to engage the reserved owner in conversation. He treasures Bruce's brief, one-word responses as if they were pearls of wisdom. “What a strange man,” Bruce thought as he served Clark his coffee alongside a spicy chocolate jalapeno cake.

Clark’s order, dubbed the ‘Clark Combo’, becomes a secret menu item for the most adventurous customers.

[spider-jaysart]

Teamwork!✨

[awhitehead17]

Whumptober 2022: Day 27 - Pushed to the limit

Prompt: Stumbling

Summary: Bruce has had a long few days and it’s catching up with his body. Unfortunately rest isn't an option yet because he’s got to make his way out of the maze he's currently trapped in no matter how much he wants to go to sleep instead.

Enjoy! :D

When he hits the wall for the umpteenth time Bruce finally takes the hint and stops moving. Slumping against the cold concrete he forces himself to take a deep breath and tries to get his bearings together.

He’s been going non-stop for what feels like years but in reality it must be close to four days. He’s had very little sleep, next to no food and water and he’s now running on his reserves, feeling completely exhausted and ready to drop at any second. That also being the reason why he keeps smacking into walls as he walks, he can barely stand up right let alone walk in a straight line. He’s staggering around like he’s a lost drunk unable to make his way home at the end of a night out.

He wishes that was the case. It would certainly be better than the reality he’s facing.

For just over two days his attention was focused on Gotham, rumours of an underground drug ring had spread and while looking into it Bruce found out that some of Gotham’s socialite’s were involved with the ring. So not only was Bruce working on the case at Batman but he also ended up getting involved in the case as ‘Brucie Wayne’ too. His time had been completely occupied and he didn’t stop until he solved the case with Commissioner Gordon and moved on.

Naively he thought he may get a day’s break after that. Of course he was wrong. He didn’t even get to go bed before he got a call alerting him how the Justice League is needed for an emergency happening in Buenos Aires. The last two days have been constant running around, figuring out and talking battle strategies and always being on guard.

Bruce ended up chasing one of their prime targets into an underground labyrinth. Being at the disadvantage and not knowing where he was going, paired with the fact he’s completely exhausted, Bruce ended up losing sight and track of the target. Frustrated with himself and at the situation Bruce didn’t have any other choice but to start trying to make his way out of the maze he was lost in. Regrettably he wasn’t Theseus and he didn’t use a string to guide his way through the endless corridors meaning he walking blind until he reaches topside. How long he’s now been underground for he has no idea, but it’s certainly not helping his drained body and mind.

After a moment he prepares himself to get moving again. Taking a deep breath he pushes himself away from the wall and starts the treacherous journey back through the maze. Unsurprisingly his strength doesn’t last long, within moments he’s tripping over his own feet and crashing into the wall yet again.

Maybe he shouldn’t stray away from the wall. Isn’t there a rule or something saying if a person keeps their hand on a wall and follows it they’ll eventually make it out of the maze, even if it takes you on a horribly long route it’ll help you to escape? Using that as his excuse Bruce leans on the wall for support and continues on with his journey, hoping to get out of the maze as soon as possible.

Bruce loses track of time as he wonders. Everything becomes a blur and it takes all of his willpower to keep going instead of stopping and sliding down the wall to rest.

“Batman!”

Bruce grumbles to himself. Great, he’s got to that point in his exhaustion where he’s begun hallucinating. Thinking about it, he’s surprised that it hasn’t happened before now.

“Batman! Can you hear us?”

Huh. He doesn’t know if it says a lot about him as a person, or a father, that the voice he's imagining is his eldest son’s voice. He has no idea on what that could mean.

“He’s here!”

Suddenly it’s not just voices he’s imagining anymore, it’s developed into him hallucinating actual people now.

He blinks rapidly as he tries to work out what he’s seeing. In front of him was his son, Dick dressed up in his Nightwing gear. Movement happening behind him grabs Bruce’s attention and when he looks over his son’s shoulder he blinks again and finds… is that Clark? Not only is he imagining Dick but he’s now imagining Clark too. He’s not telling anyone about this once he’s out of the maze.

“Batman are you injured?”

Dick’s voice pulls his attention back onto his son. He frowns, regarding the question. He’s not injured, just severely tired. “Are you actually here?” He ends up blurting out, apparently the exhaustion means he’s got no filter.

“Yeah Batman we are.” Dick answers with a frown of his own. “After you didn’t come back we followed you down here and have only just found you, we’re not far from the exit.”

Bruce grunts, slowly accepting the fact that maybe he wasn’t hallucinating after all.

“The target?”

Clark comes into his vision again as he steps up beside Dick in front of him. “We got him. When you came down here we knew there had to be another exit somewhere above and searched around, coincidently we were right next to the passage when he appeared. We apprehended him with no trouble. That’s when we came down after you when you didn’t return as soon as we expected.”

Bruce hums thoughtfully before letting out a long sigh. At least the target is captured and Bruce’s journey through the maze hadn’t been for nothing.

“Are you hurt Bats?” Clark asks him, his eyes roaming over his body, which of course was covered by his suit anyway.

“I’m fine,” he grunts and starts to make a move to push up off the wall. He’s got company now, he can’t afford to be looking as bad as he feels. “Let’s go.”

Bruce doesn’t make it more than three steps before he’s having to lean against the wall again. He’s quick to put a hand up to stop his companions from closing in on him when he senses them move after he reached for the wall.

“Batman…”

“B…”

Bruce waves off their concern and takes a deep breath to steady himself. After a few seconds he pushes away from the wall again and this time makes it six steps before he’s falling to the side. Instinctively he puts a handout to reach for the wall but he never touches it because another body is pressing up against his side instead. An arm wraps around his waist while the other takes his own arm and throws it over their shoulders. Even in Bruce’s addled mind he can make out that Clark’s come to support his weight.

Not having the energy to care or to protest against it, Bruce allows the man of steel to help him walk. He most definitely draws the line at being carried, but walking he can do. He also becomes aware of Dick hovering nearby as they make their way out of the maze.

As soon as he’s out of here he’s finding the nearest hotel and crashing, everything else can wait and anything that can’t, Clark or Diana can deal with it. The world can deal without Batman for one damn night.