#grumpy!clark

[arkangelo-7]

Things Bruce Wayne does at Justice League meetings that 100% confirm the fact that he is a Dad.

Makes attempts at referencing pop culture to try and relate to the younger members. The most memorable instance is when he told Flash to “keep running up that hill.” (Dick laughs for an hour when Wally tells him about it.)

Does the iconic groan/grunt whenever he sits down in his chair. It’s hilarious, but no one is dumb enough to laugh at the Batman.

Ensures that the background music exclusively plays Matchbox 20 and Nirvana. Diana is the only one who enjoys this.

Actively complain about how everyone is “ruining his floor” whenever they push back their chairs.

On that note, he also complains about crumbs getting everywhere whenever someone is snacking.

Will (covertly) ask Clark for grilling tips during breaks. Oliver overhears this once and has to go lay down out of shock, because Batman? Grilling?

Declines requests for new equipment/tools/etc. because they “have that at the Watchtower.” This inevitably leads to complaining from the entire JL.

Always, without fail, will ask Hal if he’s changed the oil in the spacecraft recently. Hal doesn’t know whether to be offended or not.

Randomly interrogates members on if they’ve messed with the Hall of Justice’s thermostat. They have not, in fact, touched the thermostat.

Someone needs to stop me because I literally cannot get the image of Bruce being the Typical Dad (tm) of the Justice League.

[superbat-love]

Flash: Thanks for volunteering to take care of my cat for me while I’m on the offworld mission, Supes. You’re the best.

Superman: No problem, Barry.

Flash: For real, though. Not many people would want to pet sit him, he’s pretty stubborn and feisty.

Superman: Well…

//Flashback//

Superman: Don’t you dare, Batman.

Batman: [scowling]

Superman: I can move faster than a speeding bullet. I will stop you.

Batman: [creeps closer to the edge of the roof, slowly extending out an arm]

Superman: You wouldn’t.

Batman: [casually topples the villain off the roof, keeping his eyes on Superman]

Villain: Noooo!

Superman: [catches the villain, drops him off at the Gotham City Police Department and flies back to Batman]

Superman: I can’t believe you! Didn’t we talk about not intimidating villains by pushing them off roofs? You never listen to a word I say!

Batman: [looking completely unrepentant] I knew you’d catch him.

//Flashback//

Alien delegate: Greetings puny earthlings. Welcome to our base. [extends his hand out for a handshake]

Batman: [smacks his hand away with his clawed gloves]

Alien delegate: Oww! He scratched me!

Superman: Batman!

Batman: I’d sooner trust a deadly creature than this cretin.

Superman, the world’s deadliest puppy: You say that about everyone we meet.

//End flashbacks//

Superman: I think I can handle him. I’ve had plenty of practice with stubborn and feisty kitties.

Batman: [typing on the computer and not paying attention to them] Hn.

[puppetmaster13u]

Prompt 235

“Mother, I have made a friend.” 

Now don’t get him wrong, Danny was delighted at the idea of Jordan making a friend, he really was. But the last three attempts had been borderline kidnappings, so he wasn’t entirely sure if he should be. Thankfully it doesn’t seem he’s kidnapped this one. Hopefully. 

Not that he wouldn’t be surprised if Dan managed to kidnap a tiny kryptonian, but the kid- Jon apparently- seemed happy enough to be there. Apparently his grandparents lived in the midwest too, and was happy enough to have someone to talk about it. 

Though um, maybe Danny should have checked to see if his parents knew where he’d gone, because he was not expecting a harried-looking superman to suddenly appear at his window. 

[nopxxx]

Bruce gets turned into a cat. Need I say more?

I believe the author’s tumblr acc is @inkpotsprite !!

[spacedace]

another bit from the "Constantine adopts Elle au" idea I posted a snippet of yesterday:

The days immediately after the…loss of Elle’s brothers weren’t the hardest. It would, they’d all learn soon enough, only get worse as their friend’s mental state continued to deteroriate. At the time though, it had certainly felt like it couldn’t have gotten any worse.

Elle had always been, for as long as Lian had known the other girl, been a bright, energetic person. Even when being drug from bed in those ungodly hours that so easily could be labeled as late night and early morning equally to go fight some asshole who couldn’t wait for decent crime-spree hours. Elle had never been so cruel to the rest of them as to be chipper during those awful exhausted - and exhausting - incidents, but she’d always been upbeat. Rousing them into feeling more alive with a carefully currated playlist blasting over the comms and promises of delicious, greasy breakfasts at their favorite twenty-four hour diner that she always delivered on.

She was always vibrant, always excited for whatever came at her next, always dancing ahead of them all in search of a new hobby, a new special interest, a new once-in-a-lifetime experience. Her eternally burning hope that the horizon would have something better, something brighter not a foolish security blanket to hide behind but a weapon she weilded against the world. A spine of steal, a heart of a stellar nursery, a hand equally capable of being stretched out in friendship or clenched into a fist ready to deliver the nastiest left hook that side of Metropolis.

Elle Constantine was a lot of things - a good number of them questionable - but in every single one of them, she was full of life.

So seeing her so completely empty…

The Justice League had gotten roped in on their mission before they even realized the scope of it all. Grand-Bat looming and scowling and digging his grubby fingers into things, the rest of the League not much better as they wormed their way in on the case. For all the good it had done, when they’d been too late actually on the scene to be of any actual use. Only able to show up hours after their initial call for backup when the shit show was finally over and the world saved.

She and the team were all still reeling by the time the got there. Elle still crumpled on the ground, coverd in soot and blood in a writhing heap of pain no one else could even begin to understand. The still air rent by her ragged, broken voice wailing and keening like a banshee from the stories of old.

Screaming until she coughed up blood. Hands dripping red and green ripping at the dirt, at her clothes, at her hair, her skin. Shreiking in mindless, all consuming greif as they tried to calm her down, the only words anyone could make out the broken shapes of her brothers’ name.

Jon had to pin her arms to her side in the end, face pained as he tried hard not to hurt her while keeping her thrashing frame in place. Connor crouched before her cradling her tattered hands in his as he tried desperately to get her to follow his breathing, his own voice thick with barely contained tears. Damian, soft hearted beneath all his bluster and bristling, dropped to his knees beside her in the blood soaked ground and simply wrapped his arms around her in a hug.

There had been nothing Lian wanted more than to be with them in that moment. To join her team in trying to help their friend through the initial horror and agony of having a part of herself so cruelly ripped out and crushed before her very eyes. She wanted to wipe at the endless tears falling down Elle’s face and hold her hands and wrap her in a hug and weep with her over what had happend.

Wanted to get them all out of there, get them back to the Tower, get them all washed up and bundled in a protected, quiet corner where they could all cling to each other in the dark in a mess of blankets and pillows like the children they were. Wanted to shield Elle from the watching eyes of the Justice League members, the clean up crew, the gawking civilians and hungry press. To protect her while she was so horribly vulnerable, her friend ripped open and bleeding out in front of the world like a sideshow and not a girl who had just lost the only people in the world that had known and loved her since the very beggining of her fucked up life.

But Lian was the leader of the Titans. She was the one they trusted to make the hard calls. To look after them. To be their champion against not just their enemies but their allies too when it was called for.

So that’s what she did.

She stood with her feet planted firm on the slick, broken ground. Spine straight, shoulders back, head high and gaze full of hellfire. A sentry between her confused, greiving friends and the good intentioned but ultimately distructive attempts of the Justice League members before her to help.

Lian’s arm was broken in at least two places, hanging limply at her side from a dislocated shoulder. Her weapons buried in the flesh of one monster or other that they had faced that night. Her poison tipped nails split and torn, fingernails missing entirely on three fingers of her left hand. Her mask was cracked and broken somewhere in the debris, leaving her only with a domino that had nearly been clawed off with the rest of her face. Blood going cool and tacky where it had poured down her ragged cheeks, settling in the hollows and lines around her mouth. Pinking her teeth whenever she spoke and the gruesome evidence of the brutal fight found its way to curl insideious in her mouth, down her throat, into the cold pit in her chest.

When she met her grandfather’s grim, obscured face it was with her mother’s strength and her father’s stubbornness and her Pops’ willingness to shoot any motherfucker who dared to try.

Clark’s gaze was on the hunched crowd behind her, tight lines on his face as he stared at his son making it all to clear that he wanted to move past her and insert himself into the situation. To use his everything will be okay voice to command them like confused civilians or lost ducklings in need of a minder. He wanted to play the part he always played in times of disaster: shining beacon, untarnished champion. The last thing her team wanted, the last thing that Elle needed on top of everything else.

Lian’s good hand flexed by the pistol strapped to her thigh in a small warning. The Man of Steel knew well enough that there was glowing green waiting for him in the clip. Her gramps’ obsessive paranoia, her Pops’ good advice about big blue boyscouts who couldn’t keep their noses out of of other people’s business.

They stood in tense silence for long moments, the stillness only broken by Elle’s broken voice rising up in a keening wail for those she lost.

A stand-off that Lian knew that she’d win, one way or another.

Her gramps’ shoulders lowered, so minutely as to be inperceptible to anyone not in their family.

“Wonder Woman will be here shortly.” He said in his low rumbling voice. Beside him Clark finally drifted to the ground, a concession from both of them. “Justice League Dark went radio silent seven hours ago. Last transmission from Zantanna indicated they were dealing with an interdimensional issue and would be unreachable for at least three days.”

Elle’s dad - her family - were unreachable. John Constantine didn’t know that he’d lost his three sons in the span of a handful of minutes, that his daughter was being crushed beneath the weight of greif and trauma to the point of madness. Wouldn’t know for days what tragedy had struck his family, had destroyed the strange but happy life he and his adopted children had carved out for themselves.

John Constantine. Zantanna Zatara. Detective Bobo. Boston Brand. Asa the Nightmare Nurse. Elle’s family, out of reach while she writhed and wailed in agony. The only people who might come close to understand just how deep, how awful, the pain of her brothers’ loss truly was.

Diana was something, was someone, but the Amazon’s time being split between JL Light and Dark meant that she wasn’t a touchstone to Elle in the way the rest of the core members of the magical team were. Elle commented once that Diana was more like a fun aunt she barely saw growing up. Someone she was always excited to see and hang out with, someone she wanted to make proud, but not someone she felt especially close to in comparison to the rest of her family.

Lian did not give in to the pained urge to close her eyes and swear.

She was keenly aware that all it would take was a single crack, as narrow and insignificant as a strand of hair. The smallest hint that the crushing weight of everything that had happened - that was still happening - was effecting her and they’d be back at the attempts to push past her and take over. A desire to help, the restless urge to jump in and save the day, to ease the pain of those so clearly suffering, blinding them to how much worse they would make things in the process.

The intentions were good, but the ultimate results blistering and painful and too often overlooked as the next disaster pulled thier attentions away. Stubborn insistence that their experience overruled her and her team’s instincts. The hands of the older heroes always reaching, unaware that they were too sharp as they dug into the soft flesh of the Titans’ fresh wounds. Picking apart their flaws and failures in the name of bettering them, never stopping to consider the wounds they pressed hard against as part of their lecturing might still be open and raw. That while the men before her had hands in raising most of them, that did not mean they had perfect comprehension to who the Titans were or always knew what the members of her team really needed.

“Have Wonder Woman go to the Tower.” Lian said, knowing that her grandfather heard Selina’s cadence in her voice. A habit, a gamble. Catwoman had been her mentor for a time, had helped her sharpen her claws and her instincts and that budding part of her that would make her a leader one day. Sometimes it pushed Bruce into listening to her, sometimes it just led to him pushing back.

He’d find that latter option unwise at the moment, though.

Her beloved Grand-Bat or no, she knew where his armor was weakest. Knew how to make the single shot she’d manage to get off on him count. Knew just how far she’d go to make sure that Elle and the rest of her friends were sheilded from any and all harm when they were so vulnerable.

She was their champion, their sentry, their knight.

Batman, of all people, knew the lengths a knight was willing to go in the name of the oaths they took.

She watched him shift back. A silent, unseen signal between him and Clark having Superman step back too. Lian wasn’t sure if her grandfather had found the wall she presented him too strong to conted with, or if Elle’s heart wrenching screams of greif and agony made him decide against testing the wall at all. Whatever it was, Lian would take the small victory where she could. It was the only real one she might be able to claim that day.

[dismas-n-dismay]

I have never been so excited for a tsundere sunshine ship as I am for Mr. Terrific and Superman

Like tell me Clark wouldn’t be constantly bringing him flowers and helping him repair his ship and upgrade it (and 100% he would tag in to bully Guy)

And just imagine T getting his constantly working partner to relax for once and let other people help him when he needs it (even though he’s just as big of a workaholic)

[littlefankingdom]

My groceries store is selling cute little plushies of the trinity and Harley Queen, and I wanted to buy one or two (Harley and Batman, as there was a lot of Harley and one Batman left), but no price on it. I went to the scanner to get the price and they were 15€ each??? They were so small, no way I'm spending more than 10€ on one! And they are mass products cheap thingy, I know for certain it's not the workers or the products that money goes to.

So, anyway, no cute plushies for me.

[laurasinele]

Fictober24

Prompt 28: "Just say what you want"

Fandom: Batman/Superman/DC Univers in general

Relationships: Batman/Superman | Bruce Wayne/Clark Kent

Rating: Teen, swearing

Special warnings: none comes to mind.

Summary:

A slip of the tongue in front of the press gives Bruce Wayne the confirmation that Clark Kent is Superman. Unfortunately, it also works the other way around, and now Kent has followed him to the Batcave.

Excerpt:

“You’re an idiot, Bruce,” he thought behind his camera ready smile. “You’re a royal, smartass, shoot-your-own-foot idiot.” Follow-up questions rained on him like pellets, and he and his charming smile stood the onslaught like proper heroes. Without showing a sliver of his actual regret, he made a sign to his assistant for the night —an overachieving intern in a nice suit—, and left him to deal with the press. As he downed a flute of champagne, he saw Clark fucking Kent stand aside and take notes. Bruce should have known.

The incident soured his mood. He was never truly engaged in those events, but tonight he didn’t even find it in him to fake for long. He abandoned every conversation as soon as he found an opening, and avoided being caught in a one-to-one. It wasn’t worrisome because of the press. He’d given out nothing important: a sore shoulder, a cheeky comment on the state of the other guy. But Kent saw through Bruce’s private little jokes, and the only explanation was that he’d been there the other night, when Superman beat the ever-loving shit out of him thinking he was part of the drug cartel.

The good news was he now was certain Clark Kent was Superman. The bad news was Clark Kent knew he was Batman.

[honeyrins]

[cloisbat] Relax bruce aint nobody taking them from you 🙏

[butmakeitgayblog]

What was the problem with your lexacoon shirt again

She felt weird going down and looking up and seeing cute lovey lexacoon on my boobs😔

[lexa-griffins]

I'm dying of laughter at older mom Lexa being stuck in the tub because she can't lift herself up 🤣 Or course Clarke would snap a photo to tease her. They're so cute and dorky

Lexa is struggling and Clarke is definitely not helping 🤣

Lexa is so independent even after they had kids and now to be unable to do some things because she forgot what's like to be pregnant is a constant struggle. And Clarke does like to tease her a little about but it's always good natured - and after being married for so long Clarke is well aware where the boundary between her being charming and annoying is - mostly because it's the definitive last time they'll be in this position and given how it is a bit of a risk pregnancy she likes to make light of these situations.

She'll definitely make sure to run Lexa's back and her legs and her feet to make up from laughing at her.... she won't delete the picture, but she'll make sure to make it up to her pregnant wife 🤭

[superbat-love]

When you bring a friend over and they meet your cat for the first time.

[demonicsuffrage]

By some supernatural accident, Batman and Superman swap bodies. But the accident was just so embarassing that they collectively decided to NOT tell anyone about, and figure out how to reverse it all on their own. But, unfortunately, this means they now have to keep up this farce in front of their families

Clark, in Bruce's body, wiping some blood off his mouth and wincing at the 15 cracked ribs he now has: Guess I can bleed, huh

Dick, staring in disbelief after the patrol: YES OFCOURSE YOU CAN!? WHY THE HELL DID YOU THROW YOURSELF DIRECTLY ON TOP OF A GRENADE-

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Bruce, in Clark's body, squinting at the bright smallville sun at the Kent farm: This is way too much for 11 am

Jon, staring at his newly grumpy dad: I think batman is a bad influence on you, dad

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Clark in Bruce's body, staring at his reflection in the mirror: The shoulder to waist ratio is insane, such a grabbable waist

Poor Tim, who accidentally overheard this, getting ready to call Arkham: Uhuh it's definitely, insane

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Kon: And so I said, ofcourse, i would love the soup-er salad!

Bruce in Clark's body, deadpan expression on his face:

Kon: Get it? Soup-er salad?

Bruce: Yes

Kon, sad puppy expression: You always laugh at soup puns :(

Bruce, now with an Extremely Forced little smile: Yes it was very....funny

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Clark, in Bruce's body, rushing to hug a visibly bleeding Jason who walked into the cave after patrol: What happened?! Are you okay?

Jason, freezing up because the last time Bruce ran to hug him was, never:

Clark, immediately backing up, and speaking with a deliberately gruff voice: I mean. Is the blood yours? Son.

Jason:...no

[bbbbbbbbatman]

I think it'd be funny if the identity reveal was super anticlimactic. Clark has an interview scheduled with Bruce Wayne about some new project or initiative the company is doing and he walks into Bruce's office and sits down and through a combination of sounds/smells/matching injuries/whatever just immediately recognizes him as Batman and is so surprised he can't contain his reaction and he's just like "Batman...?"

And Bruce loses the Brucie Wayne posture immediately, rolls his eyes and just says, unsurprised and a bit condescending, "Superman."

And then they just sit there in silence, staring at each other, Clark very confused and Bruce clearly annoyed at how quickly Superman recognized him. And when it becomes clear Bruce isn't going to say anything further, Clark looks down at his notes where he has some questions written down and, without knowing what else to do, just awkwardly starts with the first question.

The following interview is one of the strangest he's ever done. Bruce gives some very typical Brucie Wayne answers but all completely deadpan, hardly any inflection. He's also clearly grumpy the entire time. Aside from Bruce not acting like Brucie Wayne, there is no further mention or acknowledgement of their superhero identities. Clark goes back to Metropolis in a daze and still isn't convinced that the whole thing wasn't a fever dream.

[prlssprfctn]

I need more of Jason's and Lois's duo, so here is my humble little scenario — Jason accidentally starts writing articles under her wing after being back from dead.

It starts like this: Bruce kinda announces the rest of the League that the Second Robin is alive, and in fact, Red Hood is him. It is confusing as fuck, but honestly, at this point, everyone is used to Batman's antics, so they just nod along. Clark decides to casually drop the news to Lois, too.

Clark: Do you remember the Second Robin?

Lois, without getting distracted from her work: Oh, of course. Batman asked my autograph for him once. And he mailed me a few of his writing stories once. He was such a talented kid.

Clark: He is alive again!

Lois: Oh.

Lois, pausing and glaring thoughtfully at her computer: ...Do you think he is still into writing?

So, Lois reaches out to Jason, suggesting to try writing again because the Daily Planet needs more talented people, and she can't find anyone normal for months now. And Jason accepts. They end up choosing him a pen name, and it goes just... perfectly. Lois is glad that someone matches her enthusiasm and does the job perfectly, Jason is in awe about working with his second favourite woman alive (after Wonderwoman, of course) and doing the thing he likes.

Jason, irritated as fuck, calling Lois: Hey. I don't know if you have seen the latest president's meeting, but, please, tell me that I can—

Lois: Yeah, son. Drag his ASS. I will deal with the rest.

Jason: Don't tell anyone, but you are my favourite Super.

Lois: Don't tell anyone either, but you are my favourite Bat.

Lois: Now, on a completely unrelated note, do you think Red Hood can assassinate the president—

Naturally, Jason doesn't intend to tell anyone about his new job. No one suspects a thing anyway, and he is working from home, expect for times, when he visits Lois to hang out. Everything is fine.

Until Tim.

Tim, coming for dinner at Kents, by Kon's invitation: Hey, everyone— Jason?

Jason, who is giggling with Lois about their the most hated coworker: Uh. No?

Tim: JASON!

So, Tim knows now. He agrees not to tell anyone, but it doesn't mean that he is not going to tease Jason subtly around others. As usual.

Tim, casually, during the family breakfast: By the way, had you guys read articles in Daily Planet recently? Their new writer is fire.

Jason, tensing up: ...

Bruce: Really? Which one?

Tim, smiling politely: Oh, his name is Peter Austen. His writing style is SO good, and he is always SO on point, I ADORE him.

Jason, half-flustered, half-irritated: (gesturing Tim to shut up)

Bruce: I'll check his articles later today, then. Jaylad, had you read any of it?

Jason, grumpy as hell: You know me. I only read that crap for Lois.

Tim: That's a shame. Because I love this man SO MUCH.

(On the other side of table)

Dick, whistling: Damn, I think Lil Wing is jealous.

Damian, nodding: Todd definitely wishes he could be Drake's favourite writer.

[celestialgalaxyglow]

This is so cute! Now I'm just imagining them being like:

Clark (after kissing Bruce): I love you!

Bruce (embarrassed): I tolerate you too...

Clark: Ok...

Bruce (running up to Clark and kissing him): I love you too.

Clark: [Happy Kryptonian noises]

02.14.25 happy valentine's day!!! 💌