#grisha x reader

[clean-bands-dirty-stories]

Beauty and the Beast ~ Darkling (part 4)

A/n: thought about this during work to get through a difficult shift and had to write more, so here it is!

Word Count: 5200+

MASTERLIST

- The Dark -

Y/n was losing patience. The whole drama with Makya had reawakened Y/n's eyes to a horrible truth: time was running out. He may still be young, but he had aged enough that he was expected to marry. To make a family. Old enough now that he would soon run out of options.

Did that bother him? One day eventually his father would pass away. He couldn't run this farm completely by himself... although, how could he form any kind of lasting romantic relationship? He had such a huge secret, and keeping it from his distracted father was one thing - but his life partner? The person he made a future and a home with?

Did he even want to marry right now? Did he want to even pursue a relationship in this place he hated, full of people he couldn't stand who thought he was good looking but an idiot? If Makya was the only one going after him... maybe that was a sign. But what other options did he have? He couldn't leave. Not yet.

Not until Alina got ahold of her powers.

And see that was the problem. Because it was becoming obvious that she wasn't just learning slow - she wasn't growing at all anymore. Y/n had lost drive to give energy for their training anymore.

Alina didn't miss his lack luster non-attempts.

"Could you at least pretend to be paying attention right now?"

Y/n looked up to see a frustrated Alina, her eyebrows pulled together and her lips pressed in a thin line of irritation. It was the softest glare Y/n had ever seen, but he could tell that she was either on the brink of snapping his head off of his shoulders with her teeth, or bursting into tears, and he wanted neither to happen. Feeling guilty, he put his book away. "I'm sorry. It's just..." His words trailed off and he swallowed, shrugging.

Alina rose an eyebrow. "It's just what?"

A frown pulled at Y/n's lips and he looked at her head on. If he was going to teach her, he had to be straight forward and honest. "You're holding yourself back." He rose an eyebrow. "Like something is making you hesitate."

That made Alina back down, because she knew he was right. She wasn't ready to admit it though. Not really. The effort she gave was appreciated, and even somewhat truthful, but it had the feeling of a symptom rather than the actual disease. Smaller. A side effect; not the problem. "I mean I've always been told people like me were cruel and evil. Every story with a Grisha is a warning, and every Grisha hunt is the best tale and every Grisha execution is a celebration." She sighed.

Y/n nodded, considering that. "Are you afraid of getting caught," he began. "Or are you afraid of what you're capable of."

When Alina looked at Y/n now, there was a bit of fear. Not like she thought he would attack, but like she had been seen more than she wanted to have been. "I mean we're all afraid of being caught aren't we?"

It was answer enough. Not because of what she had said, but because of what she hadn't. "Do you want to talk about it?"

It was Alina's turn to consider. "Yeah." She finally let her hands fall to her sides and she moved to Y/n, sitting down next to him. She had been trying to summon the bright light she had only managed to conjure in small bursts - at best, fleeting moments. It always flickered and it took everything in her just to keep it dimly alive, even though it was about an inch in dimension.

She had made progress though and Y/n tried to hold onto that. Learning something new wasn't easy, especially when it was something like this. Something that got into your head and weakened your power with doubt and fear and anxiety. This seemed the case with her specifically.

Y/n's eyes found Alina in the quiet that began to stretch as she avoided talking about it after she had just said she wanted to. He refused to prod her through, forcing her to keep it going. She looked at him mournfully, as if he were torturing her. "What?" There was a bit of a smile in his voice when he spoke and she glared lightly. It only made him smile more.

Alina sighed. "How did you do it so easily?" Her change in subject let Y/n know that she hadn't actually wanted to talk about it. Or, perhaps she had but she wasn't ready to. Y/n let it drop, sensing her need to move on.

"I didn't do it easily," he admitted. That seemed to surprise her. "Hey I've been at this for ages. I've had time to practice, and my skill isn't as obvious as yours. I read and read and read, and then I experimented for all of the things I couldn't find out. I found out that I could boost our crops, and ever since we've been first pick for harvest time shopping. Our animals are strong and never get hurt. Even my father, who's getting on in age and whose professions and hobbies are dangerous and leave him often injured, doesn't have any problems that last long. He heals fast and is well off physically, even at his age." He shrugged.

Alina seemed awed. "You just keep this farm perfect and running all by yourself huh?"

Y/n scoffed a laugh. "Hardly. It's not perfect, and my father does help here and there. I'm young, and that means I'm strong and have more energy, but he still by far outweighs my experience and knowledge. Even now he has to intervene sometimes when I don't know what to do. He couldn't do it by himself either - it's our combined effort that keeps this place going. That's why... as he gets older..." Y/n pressed his lips together.

Alina could see the thoughts in his mind. "You think you'll need help with this place one day."

Y/n nodded reluctantly. "There's only so much I can do by myself anyway. When harvest time comes, my father does help. When it comes to getting rid of the old animals and raising up the younger animals - he helps me with that too. Not because I don't know how to handle it but because a farm this big? It's impossible to do every single thing by yourself."

"Maybe Mal and I could help one of these days," Alina offered. "We do other things for the community, it could help. To do other things as well."

Y/n offered an appreciative smile, but shook his head. "Being a farmer is a 24 hour, full time job. Mal is too busy too often. He likes going out into the Forrest - they are his adventures. His escape from society. From this place. And..." his smile softened. "As much as I appreciate the offer... Alina-"

"I'm not much help." She nodded. "That's fair." She hesitated a moment and then asked, "then what will you do? Rent with someone?" She hesitated even more. "Marry?"

For a long time, Y/n was quiet. "Not here."

Alina watched him, but he was suddenly guarded, so she couldn't read him at all. "When do you leave?"

Y/n closed his eyes, sighing. He seemed a bit defeated. Perhaps guilty as well. "I... don't know."

"What stops you?"

Y/n's eyes opened, but his head tilted back so he looked up at the ceiling. Through it even, as he grew lost in thought. "My father. He would... miss me. And this farm - it means so much to him."

Alina hummed. "So you'll give your dream up for him? He won't be around forever."

"But I also don't have forever to wait," Y/n cut in, a tad frustrated. "And at the same time, I don't want to look forward to my father passing away." He seemed to remember something, and Alina thought it might be painful. "I love my father," he said oh so quietly, and Alina winced. Nothing she'd ever heard started like that if it was good. "He loves me too." Even worse. "He tries his best and succeeds in a lot of areas. I'm glad he's in my life."

Quietly, Alina prompted, "But?"

Y/n didn't deny it was coming. "But..." His shoulders slumped. "I hate it here. I hate this stupid small town and the people who look at me and see someone I'm not. I know what they say about me. I know how they talk about me behind my back. Makya was not the first person to simplify my worth down to attractiveness."

At that, Alina rolled her eyes. "Makya is an idiot."

"But not the exception," Y/n shot back. "Everyone in this town is an idiot, I swear to god." He finally looked at her, and then his hard look softened again. "Except maybe you and Mal." His eyes shone, and they exchanged a smile. Y/n sighed, looking away. "Why don't we end it there today? We can pick up again this weekend. The next few days I need to spend on the farm again."

Alina nodded, collecting her things and rising from the table. "See you this weekend." She messed up the boy's hair on her way out and Y/n chuckled as he watched her go. The smile lingered as the door closed behind Alina, and then a moment after, but slowly began to fade.

The emptiness of the house was too heavy. The previous conversation had set a stone boulder in his chest and he was not handling it well alone, with the ringing silence.

He went to bed early that night.

The next day was as he had said - focused on his duties. The routine and mind numbing, physically exhausting work was good for him. He got to blow off steam, and then see his progress and feel a bit better. He didn't feel as frozen in place. As stuck.

As trapped.

Well, that was a lie. He did feel trapped. By straw and wood and memories and loyalty.

He tried to distract himself from that. And he mostly succeeded.

And then the stranger came.

Strangers never came to their little corner of the world. Y/n knew every single face the second they had a face to know. The second they were born, or moved in, within minutes Y/n knew them. So to see a fully grown man who wasn’t in the least familiar? Running up to his house? In the middle of the day, when no one was here and everyone was usually at work anyway?

This couldn't be good.

The man looked ragged. He limped, a scrape on his cheek and his hair twisting wildly in wisps. He was older, and his eyes were miles wide. As he got closer Y/n realized he was shaking. His suspicion was overwhelmed with concern. He approached the man, more wanting to help than being cautious. His heart had always been his weakness.

"Sir?" Y/n began, hands out in front of him as he paused, unsure how to even help.

"Y/n," the man said in response. Y/n froze. The man was unfocused, and his voice sounded hollow, but it was unmistakable. He was being addressed. "Are you Y/n?" The man asked when he got no response.

Y/n jerked to a sudden start again. "I- yes. Do we know each other?"

The stranger suddenly focused on the young man in front of him. "Oh, you wouldn't remember me. It's been... decades, now, I suppose. I knew you a long time ago. When you were just a lad. Barely born, couldn't even walk or talk yet." He almost smiled, but then his eyes watered. "Your mother and I-"

Y/n felt suddenly very uncomfortable. "You know she's dead then?"

The man nodded. "I helped your father. Move away and find somewhere new. Somewhere very far away and hidden. I helped him run."

Y/n felt a sudden, horrible feeling rise into his chest. "Why are you here? Who are you?"

"My name is Phillip," the man eased. His face was crumbling. He was agonized. "Your father and I used to be business partners. But then he went into hiding, so-" he shrugged. "But for this trip, he came back to me. He asked for my help again."

Y/n closed the distance between them in a breath. He grabbed the man's lapels. "Where is my father?"

The small, old man looked up at the boy with so much regret. "I'm sorry... I'm so sorry..." his voice was small and weak and the horrible feeling grew.

Y/n used all of his self control not to scream or shake the man as he wanted to. "Where," he tried again. "Is. My. Father?"

Phillip's lip trembled. "We were discovered. He knew if he was caught it might lead back to you. So- he ran."

"Ran where?" Y/n demanded.

Phillip whimpered. Y/n's hold on his coat tightened. "Where, Phillip?" His tone did not leave room for kindness or stalling. He needed answers and he needed them blunt and immediate.

The poor older man coiled away from Y/n, but not in fear. In regret. "Into the Fold. The only place they would not follow."

Y/n lost his grip, his lip hands slipping from the other man's coat. He looked away, the horrible feeling exploding in a massacre until only hollow aching was left. His father was dead. Y/n turned away, eyes closing. He'd have to marry now. Spring was coming soon, they had to prepare. He couldn't plant everything by himself. He didn't have time to sell the farm or make plans to leave.

And his father was gone.

Y/n covered his mouth. Or, he tried. As his hand rose Phillip caught his wrist. "He only went because there is a chance of survival."

Y/n looked at the crazy old man. "No one has every survived the Fold."

Phillip shook his head. "Walking through the Fold is near impossible. A long journey and no luck if even one spots you.” He didn’t have to specify one of what. “But if you can remain silent, and move fast. He has done it before. Many of those desperate enough have. Stories you don't tell in case anyone finds out. In case anyone tells the King - a guaranteed hanging. The King wants no one to know it's a possible journey. He controls travel, he controls everything if he controls who can and can't cross the Fold."

Y/n's mind was reeling. "So my father might be alive."

Phillip nodded quickly. "I came to get you- he needs a healer."

The blood in Y/n's body turned to ice. "I'm not a doctor."

The old man looked at Y/n with knowing eyes. "Your mother knew, when you were born. She was, of course. And your father. They knew you'd be, and your father - well he expected what kind as well. Cause see, he was a Durant. So good with mending and fixing and molding metal. And your mother - well she was a Tailor. Working with the body, they knew you'd pick up one in some way. And then, he was always healthy and all the plants and animals here thrived so well. He knew you found the scrolls she left for you. That you learned. He never spoke of it. Didn't want to tell you- but he told me, you see-"

Y/n stepped away. "How do I know any of this is accurate? You could be lying."

Phillip shrugged, and suddenly he looked exhausted. "Your father is hurt at best," he sighed. "What do you have to lose?"

And... the man had a point. Y/n's jaw locked and his eyes narrowed. "Take me to him."

The rest of the day was packing. He left a note for Alina who would be back soon and then left it on the table. She could sell the farm or handle it for him, he didn't care. He was going to be gone.

Maybe forever.

He told her too, that he was going where she could not follow him. He didn't tell her where or why, but not to follow him. Not to bother. Either they'd survive and that would be the end of it, or they'd die and it wouldn't matter anyway.

And then they were off.

It took three months. In that time, Y/n and Phillip got to know each other quite well. Y/n liked the man. He had lots of stories about his mother and father, and clarified so many things that Y/n didn't know.

There was only one he really needed though.

"Did he really kill her?"

Phillip's lips pressed together. It seemed he had also heard the rumors. "It depends on who you ask," he answered carefully.

"I'm asking you," Y/n answered evenly.

Phillip nodded. Fair enough. "He did." He sighed, smiling softly. "He was so talented. So amazing. Everyone in town kept his secret, as he was the keystone of the place. Kept everything up and running, and had magic hands. It was fascinating to watch him. And then, one day she just happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time. It went wrong, very wrong, and... we didn't have a healer. Not yet." He shook his head. "She didn't make it, and he blamed himself. The whole town turned on him. Blamed him for it too. This man, he had wanted your mother instead you see. And he said that this was proof that Grisha were dangerous. Evil." Phillip paused for a moment. "We almost lost your father that day. And you. So he ran, and he hid, and he swore he'd never use his small science again. But, he didn't know how to work metal without his abilities. It was against his nature. Against the very way he saw metal and knew how it worked. Nothing did what it was supposed to the way it was supposed to. He's Grisha. He was made to work metal like one."

That... made a lot of sense. Y/n didn't speak much after that conversation, but he already hadn't been saying a lot and Phillip didn't seem to notice. He liked talking and that was fine with Y/n. He had always been reserved and he was still in denial. He had hope and he was willing to fight for his father with his blood if he had to. They'd both make it out of the Fold. No matter what.

When they got to the camps, suddenly they had to he a lot more careful and move a lot slower. Y/n didn't notice - he could finally see the Fold and... he didn't have words.

Drawings and stories did not do the thing justice. There was no way to truly encapsulate the experience of looking at solid darkness, undisturbed by even sunlight. Darkness swirled off the edges of the barrier, rolling into the air and disappearing like mist. Or smoke. It was wild and breathtaking. Y/n knew it was dangerous, and horrible things had happened inside it. He knew it was why humans hated Grisha so much, what it stood for. What ruin it held for his kind.

But god, it was beautiful too.

Y/n had always found Grisha to be extraordinary, and the Black Heretic to be an extension of that. Now looking at it in all its glory, there was something even more about it. This wasn't just small science. This was magic. The cost had been horrendous, but the way it bent nature and refused to be tamed... Y/n couldn't deny that he found it kind of inspiring. Who cared about what non-Grisha thought? Of course they feared something that they couldn't control. Couldn't defeat.

Crossing that threshold was even more insane. Getting past the first army was only too easy. In the last half year since the incident with his father, they had regrown lax. They had forgotten. And soon enough they were forgotten too, as Phillip prepared Y/n for what they were about to see - and then went inside.

It was like closing a door and sealing off a room. The sun disappeared as they were swallowed by the darkness. And... well, it wasn't as dark as Y/n had previously thought. It was definitely poorly light. It was hard to see at first, but once his eyes adjusted it was like walking around at night with a weak candle. Fine enough.

The limited light was a sort of greyish, with hints of blue. Y/n had heard of the special blue lamps that had been created by Grisha. They were always destroyed when found, but were apparently able to pull on the blue light that was created in the Fold, expounding on it and growing enough to actually make it easy to see. Because it built on what was already in the Fold, the volcra wouldn't attack immediately. Not unless they could tell that you were human. They couldn't hear your heartbeat or smell fear, but they did have a gift for picking up sound. If one could be quiet enough...

"There's a place," Phillip wrote out in the soft dirt under their feet. It was hard to see, and he had to retrace it several times, but it worked eventually. "We hide there."

When Phillip took Y/n to the place, Y/n about slapped him silly. When he had said place, the picture that it had conjured was some hole in the ground they'd dug out, or some kind of bunker. This wasn't just a place. It was a castle. Like, a proper palace.

Place.

Palace.

Y/n almost slapped his own forehead, and only stopped himself because dying now would have been stupid.

Once inside, Phillip started to make noise again. Which made Y/n jump, as in the last two or three days - without the sun he really couldn't tell - it had been so completely silent between them. "No worries," Phillip eased, chuckling as Y/n flinched again. "The castle has always been a safe place for Grisha."

Y/n blinked twice before he finally put it together. "You're a Grisha too?"

Phillip smiled. He extended his hands, flexing a his fingers, and suddenly a huge gust of wind ripped through the still air, blowing across Y/n's face and ruffling his hair. He couldn't help himself - he grinned. All of his stress and exhaustion eased away as, for the first time in his life, he got to see a real Sqauller in person.

As if to follow it up in an act, or maybe compare in a sort of you-show-me-your-I'll-show-you-mine, Y/n hands pressed together and then pulled apart, hands sliding through the air. Phillip gasped as he suddenly looked down at his leg, eyes widening as the wound there healed instantly. It had been older, Y/n could tell, even before they began traveling together. The mark on his neck had faded into a scar unfortunately, so Y/n couldn't touch it up, but he did heal Phillip's arm as well. It had gotten hurt while they were sneaking past the first army. Phillip had tripped and slammed his arm against a rock.

Phillip grinned as his skin sealed again, moving his arm and flexing his fingers to extend his muscles. Experiencing the little science in all its glory. “This is amazing,” he whispered, almost reverently. His eyes, bright for the first time, moved back to Y/n. There was something so personal and warm there. Something wholly and completely adoring. Y/n blushed. It was nice to be seen for who he was. To be appreciated for it.

There was a sudden feeling. Something colder on the wind that wasn’t moving. A third breath they could hear, except they couldn’t hear another breath. But it was like that - as if realizing that someone else was there. Or maybe just that there should be. Neither could tell what it was that made them feel so less alone in an eery, startling way, or which eyes made the hair in the back on their necks stand on end, but suddenly all joy was drained from both of them. Y/n swallowed, hands lining up as he focused on being ready to heal Phillip. If anything attacked them, his squaller abilities would be their only hope.

Then Y/n heard his name. It was soft, around a cough. Confused, distant, and weak. But familiar.

“Father?” Y/n choked out, eyes watering immediately as his fork broke and he raced to the source of the noise. Phillip called after him, warning him to be careful. Warning him to slow down and walk carefully. Warning him not to leap before he’s looked. But it was too late - Y/n was racing down stairs and down long tunnels, blind to how far he was going. Not thinking about how impossible it would have been for such a weak voice to have reached his ears this far, when he was in the entry room with the long ornate hall, and now he was racing down down down down… to the heart of the palace.

Into the dungeons.

He recognized them from art and story descriptions, though he had never seen such a thing in person. It wasn’t colder or wet like in the stories, but it was gloomier. Nothing but metal bars and worn down walls as far as Y/n’s eyes could see. He stilled, heart racing and eyes wildly trying to find any sign of life. “Father?” His voice was full of desperation and agony. He sounded on the brink of going mad. It was a plea for mercy from the universe more than it was a call to the man he was looking for.

The universe responded.

“Y/n?” A breath of relief, strong and all consuming slipped from Y/n as all te tension left his body and he raced to the last cell at the end of the hall. He turned, and his heart filled with joy upon seeing the old man. Y/n’s father did not seem happy to see his son though, as horror filled his eyes. “What are you doing here?” He demanded.

“I’m here to get you,” Y/n explained softly, kneeling to be at the right level for his father. The old man was laying on his side, curled up, and had propped himself up on an elbow to talk. Now Y/n reached out, cupping his cheek. Despite himself, the old man leaned into the touch, sighing in relief. Y/n softened. He knew that his father hated being alone, and that losing his mother had been something deeply effecting him. He couldn’t imagine what his poor father had been feeling, thinking he’d never see his son again either. “Let’s get you out of here.”

The old man’s eyes went wide again. “No.” He pushed his son’s hand away finally. “You need to leave. Leave me here. Go!”

Y/n’s eyebrows wound together. “I’m not leaving you here.” It was a curse. It was a bad word. An accusation. How dare his father even suggest a thing? “How did you get in here? Let me get you out.”

“You want to let him out?” Y/n froze. There was that third presence again. The one that made his skin crawl and his anxiety shoot sly high. But this time it was distant and weird. This time it was a sound. It was a proof. A voice in his ears, weaving into his body and injecting into his blood - turning it into ice. Laying over and settling into his bones - locking them in place. He was more stone than flesh and bone when he heard that low, calm voice. The smooth voice that was unbothered by the emotional reunion and couldn’t have possibly been here. The cold calm and collected one. A voice that asked a question, except it was so obviously a challenge in reality.

His father was shaking. It was that fear and frail display that broke Y/n out of his own spell. Only one of them could be frozen by fear, and his father had been here too long. Y/n turned, his father reaching out to stop him, and moved away from the man on the ground to stand to his full height. He didn’t have to search the darkness - there was a shadow at the end of the hall where Y/n had initially entered the dungeon. A hulking figure covered in shadow. Shadow that would have been complete, if the castle hadn’t been covered in little blue lanterns - something that had only just occurred to Y/n as he finally stopped thinking about where his father was and started to think of how to get out of here alive. Started to take what was around them, to see if there was any weapon or way out.

What he saw instead was that shadowed figure, not seen in any detail but an obvious, deeper darkness in the hallway. So tall and broad it was terrifying, and made his heart stop in his chest. It was like looking up into space without a moon or stars or guide you, or looking down into the depths of the ocean. Focusing on the parts you couldn’t see, where the sun didn’t reach and light couldn’t show you what was danger and what was open water. Just forever extension. Never ending, all consuming darkness that seemed to lean forward. Wanting to swallow him whole.

The voice came again, and this time Y/n swallowed hard to try and move the lump from his throat. “You are brave. To stand to me. You’re scared, but you stand anyway. I haven’t seen bravery until a very long time.” It was half interested, half mocking. Like seeing an ant fight for its life and knowing it was pointless as an unimaginably big hand came down and squashed it. As if interested in the way something so small would fight for a life that was so obviously over.

Y/n locked his jaw, his hands curling into fists as he tried to steady himself. His hands still shook but he felt better being coiled and ready. To fight or run, he wasn’t sure. “Get used to it,” was all he said. It was all he could manage.

And the voice sighed, the shadow’s shoulders moving up and down in a breath. And Y/n was truly shaken by how large the thing lurking was. And then he became frustrated by not being able to see it. Only children were afraid of shadows. “Who are you, shadow walker? Show yourself!”

A pause. And then - “If you wish.” And he didn’t move, but the shadow curling around him receded and Y/n gasped, awed for a moment despite himself at the abilities of a shadow summoner. He recognized the way the hidden beasts’ arm moved, and the way the darkness responded to it.

Then the beast underneath the hiding was revealed and Y/n gasped out loud. He may have been from a village ages from here, but he knew what a vulcra looked like.

Oh god.

[lupinsversion]

𝐀𝐥𝐞𝐤𝐬𝐚𝐧𝐝𝐞𝐫 𝐌𝐨𝐫𝐨𝐳𝐨𝐯𝐚 - 𝐎𝐮𝐫 𝐂𝐡𝐢𝐥𝐝

• summary: aleksander notices that something different is going on with reader, and his suspicions raise. how will he react when those suspicions are confirmed?

• contains: aleksander morozova x fem reader, mention of pregnancy/symptoms, mention of sickness/throwing up, fluff

• word count: 1.1k

masterlist || requests

Aleksander had started noticing subtle changes in his partner. She was constantly tired, nauseous in the mornings, and had a strange aversion to certain smells. His mind started putting the pieces together, and suspicions began to form. Although he didn't have any concrete evidence yet, he couldn't shake the feeling that she might be pregnant.

He would observe her closely, noting her increasing fatigue and the new patterns in her behavior. Each observation further fed his suspicions, strengthening his belief that she was indeed carrying his child.

Days passed, and he could hardly concentrate on anything else but the thought of her being pregnant. He observed her more closely, noting her mood swings, her growing appetite, and the small changes in her body. The possibility of fatherhood was both exhilarating and terrifying, and the thought consumed his mind.

One day, he found her sitting on the edge of the bed, her hands on her stomach. She was deep in thought, her expression a mixture of fear and wonder. The sight of her, lost in her own thoughts, struck a chord within him. He walked over to her, his heart beating a little faster.

"Are you okay?" He asked, trying to keep his voice steady. He sat down beside her, gently placing a hand on her shoulder.

She stared off into nothing, and when she started to speak, her voice was quiet and hesitant. “First, my breasts started to hurt. Which was strange, I’ve never felt anything like it before…”

“And then, I couldn’t even stand the smell of my favorite soup. My favorite soup, Aleksander.” She exasperated as if it were a crime.

He nodded, his mind racing. The changes she mentioned were classic signs of pregnancy. The nausea, the aversions to once-favorite foods, even the tenderness in her breasts. It all pointed in one direction.

“I’ve been throwing up the past two days…” She continued once she knew he wasn’t going to speak. “It wasn’t much, but it was still awful. I went to the healers, which was probably foolish because what could they have done for me?”

His stomach churned at the mention of her vomiting. The healers at the Little Palace were knowledgeable, but it was true that without knowing the cause, they could only offer general advice or remedies. "Why didn't you come to me first?" He asked, his voice a mixture of concern and irritation.

Her brows furrowed together, as she shook her head slightly. “What were you meant to do? Massage my breasts? Make my soup smell better? Hold my hair?” She rambled.

He couldn't help but chuckle at her sarcastic comments, the sound of his laughter breaking the tension that had settled over them. "Those are all important tasks, you know," he teased, a wicked grin playing on his lips.

She couldn’t help but playfully roll her eyes. “They may have been nice gestures, yes. But that wouldn’t help me out much, would it?”

"Oh, I don't know," he replied, his smile turning more suggestive. "My hands are very skilled, and I have been known to be quite calming."

She nudged her shoulder into his, a small bit of laughter coming from her as she felt the tension between them lift. This reminded her of why she loved him, how he always made her feel better.

He relished the sound of her laughter, the way her smile lit up her face. He loved the way she responded to his teasing, the way she always softened his hard edges. Leaning into her, he wrapped an arm around her shoulders, pulling her closer to him.

She looked up at him through her lashes as she whispered the words that would change everything. “I’m pregnant, Aleksander.”

The moment the words left her lips, time seemed to freeze. His breath caught in his chest, his eyes widening in disbelief. He had suspected it, but hearing her say it out loud, confirming his suspicions, was a shock he hadn't fully prepared for. Thousands of emotions swirled within him, each one fighting for dominance. Shock, joy, fear, and uncertainty all vied for attention, leaving him speechless.

His thoughts raced as he tried to process her revelation. A child. A life, one they had created together, was growing inside of her. It was a prospect both thrilling and terrifying. He took a moment to regain his composure, his arm still around her shoulders, his hand gently stroking her hair.

"Are you sure?" He finally managed to ask, his voice rough with the weight of her confession. He needed to know for certain, needed to hear her confirm it again.

“I wouldn’t have told you if I wasn’t certain.”

His heart hammered in his chest at her words, the confirmation settling heavily in his mind. A thousand thoughts and fears flooded through him, but he fought to keep his emotions in check. He exhaled slowly, his eyes studying her face, searching for any sign of uncertainty.

She knew why he was looking at her as if he were studying her very soul. “I’m certain.” She repeated.

His eyes locked onto hers, the intensity in his gaze unwavering. He believed her, trusted her completely. If she said she was certain, he had no reason to doubt her. The realization that she was carrying his child, their child, settled within him, a mix of awe and trepidation. His hand moved to gently rest upon her stomach, his palm flat against her abdomen.

"A child," he said quietly, his voice barely more than a whisper. "Our child."

The words slipped from his lips like a reverent prayer, filled with a mixture of wonder and disbelief. He had never imagined himself as a father, never thought he would want to become one. And yet, now that the possibility was before him, he felt an unexpected tenderness in his heart.

“Our child.” She repeated, her hand covering his, a small smile tugging her lips upwards.

The touch of her hand on his, the sight of her smile, sent a new wave of emotions coursing through him. He had never allowed himself to dream of a family, always believing his path was one of solitude. But here she was, carrying their child, and the possibility of a future he had never dared to imagine seemed within reach.

He gently intertwined his fingers with hers, a silent acknowledgement of what was now undeniably real.

As they sat together on the edge of the bed, their hands intertwined and their minds wrapped around the news of her pregnancy, a mixture of emotions coursed through Aleksander. Excitement, anticipation, fear, wonder - it was all there, swirling around in this moment they shared. He looked down at their hands, his fingers gently tracing the back of hers.

"Our child," he repeated once more, the words tasting sweet on his tongue. He smiled then, a genuine smile of happiness. "We're going to be parents."

© lupinsversion 2024

[gabbyshere]

Kaz: You were mugged? Why would you keep this from me?

Inej: Because they're injured.

Y/n: I wasn't injured. I was lightly stabbed.

Kaz: I'm sorry, you were stabbed?

Y/n: Lightly stabbed.

[narcissisticmf]

jumped | kaz brekker x fem!reader

description: y/n is out one night getting supplies for the black veil and on her way back, she gets mugged. when she returns to the tomb, everyone is concerned.

trigger warnings: graphic violence, assault, descriptions of minor injuries, blood, angst, seductive behavior, etc. read at your own risk.

word count: 2.6k

Rain tapped against the cobblestones as you made your way back to the gondel. Its rope was tied to the docks, securing its place. A cloak was draped over your shoulders as the hood was pulled over your head, concealing your face from potential threats.

In your grasp, you carried a large paper bag that was filled with canned goods and other essentials the tomb was lacking. Each week, you rotated with the other Crows who would go out and retrieve supplies. You didn't mind going out, but it was dangerous to do so under the circumstances.

As you placed the filled bag gently into the gondel, you stood up straight and reached for the rope that was tied to the dock. Your hand froze as you heard several heavy footsteps coming from behind you.

You swore under your breath and reached inside your cloak to the bow and arrows that were concealed perfectly. You made haste with pulling your weapons out. You drew an arrow into your bow and pulled back with precision as you turned your whole body in the sound of the direction of the footsteps.

The rain continued to fall and the subtle haze that formed across the docks blurred your vision. The sun was already setting and the torches that lit the town were burning out from the rapid fall of rain.

Your lips parted just slightly as you controlled your breath. Your eyes flickered to the left as you heard the footsteps approach closer. Your heartbeat was steady, unafraid and unyielding.

A dark shadow was casted in front of you on the docks. You couldn't make out the face, but you had a gut feeling that whomever the person had been was not approaching for casual conversation.

As a way of warning, you released your grip onto the bow and shot an arrow clean past the person's right ear. To your dismay, they did not slow down nor turn around. You released a soft grunt of frustration and drew back another arrow.

"Whomever you are, leave now," You spoke with pure authority, not once did your voice waver. They continued stepping forward and reached into their jacket to pull out a freshly sharpened knife. Your eyes glanced at the weapon. You swallowed thickly and aimed your arrow, not at them, but at their hand which held a tight grip on the knife. "Leave now," You spoke through gritted teeth. "I promise I won't miss this time.. if you choose not to walk away."

Your threats didn't seem to make much of a difference to the body before you. You lifted your gaze to their dark hooded eyes. The haze from the rain didn't make it easy to tell who they were, but it didn't seem to matter in the moment.

Swiftly, the person before you charged forth with the knife gripped tightly in their hand. You dodged the strike by bending forward and getting behind them. You held your arrow out and shot at their leg. It struck them in the calf as you smirked at the grunt that left their lips. It sounded like a man, but you weren't too sure.

They reached down their left and ripped the arrow from their fresh, bloody wound. Snapping the arrow in half, they stood and rushed towards you again, pinning you to the slick, wet ground. Shocked by the sudden drop, you breathed quickly for a few moments before reaching up with a free hand to punch them square in the nose. They staggered off of you and held their gushing, bloody nose.

You quickly went for the gondel as they were distracted, and hopefully a little delirious. You untied the ropes and hopped into the boat, ready to make your way back to the tomb. You let out a harsh, guttural scream as a wave of sharp pain filled your right shoulder. You looked back to see the person standing there with empty hands. You lowered your gaze to the knife that was lodged into your shoulder, deep and painful.

You winced and made a horrible attempt at rowing with your non-dominant arm. Blood was seeping from your shoulder and soaking your cloak. The metallic smell filled your nostrils. Stains of the thick red liquid soaked into the bottom of the boat and on the paper bag that was filled with supplies for the tomb.

.

Grunting in pain, you pulled the gondel up onto the wet ground and tied it with your left hand to a tree nearby the water. You winced as you leaned into the boat to grab the paper bag and stumbled towards the tomb. Your vision blurred with black dots as you walked through the cemetery, the rain still pouring ferociously.

Eventually, you made it to the tomb (you weren't even sure how you managed it, but you did). You carelessly dropped the bag onto the table and grunted. Your breathing was harsh. Wylan, Jesper and Matthias were seated on the couch as you made your way in. You removed your hood off your head and turned to see a trail of blood you left behind stepping inside. The three of them stood up and walked towards you.

"What the hell happened?" Jesper asked, dragging out each word.

"Are you okay?" Matthias asked.

"Sit down, Y/N," Wylan suggested as he pulled a chair out for you.

They didn't seem to have noticed the knife protruding from your shoulder until the moment you sat down. You winced in pain, tightening your jaw.

"Oh shit," Jesper murmured.

"Can one of you three idiots get Nina?!" You hadn't meant to raise your voice, but you were in such pain you weren't in full control over your actions.

"Right!" Wylan left to find Nina somewhere in the tomb.

Eventually, Kaz appeared with a locked jaw and sharp eyes. If he was concerned, he didn't appear to be. He was good at concealing his emotions.

"What happened?" He questioned as he came around the table to look at you directly.

"Well, I went into town to get supplies," You replied and held your arm tightly, starting to see more and more black dots in your vision.

"I got her!" Wylan pronounced as he came back to the room with both Nina and Inej.

"Oh Saints.." Nina whispered and stared at you in the chair with the knife through your shoulder.

"Hello to you too," You gritted as Nina pulled a chair to sit before you. She got to work quickly, but kept careful with every motion she made.

"I'm still waiting for a legitimate answer," Kaz stated with an irritant tone.

"Okay," You exhaled, "I was on my way back to the gondel when someone was coming from behind me." You explained, "I shot a warning at them, but they didn't stop. At one point, they pinned me down so I think I broke their nose and then I made a run for it to get to the boat and as I was making my miserable getaway, they threw the knife at me."

Nina successfully removed the knife and wasted no time in covering it. You hissed when she cleaned the wound with aged whiskey. You sighed after the wound was clothed in the protectant guaze.

"Thanks, Nina," You whispered.

"You lost a lot of blood, you should rest," She pulled her lips into a tight, thin smile.

"From now on, we get supplies in pairs," Kaz announced to no one in particular. "I don't want anything like this to happen again." And then, he was gone.

.

Inside a small room, you attempted to fill a copper tub with boiled water to wash away the dirt and blood that coated your body. Your cloak had nearly been ruined, but Inej reassured you that she would try and patch it up. As you used your uninjured arm to pour the water into the tub, you hissed feeling the strain against your right shoulder.

"Need help?" Kaz entered the room, leaning against the doorframe with his arms crossed over his chest. His cane was nowhere in sight.

"Uhm, yeah," You whispered. You almost didn't hear yourself speak.

Kaz pushed himself off the wall and helped you pour the water into the copper tub. It took a bit more time to fill the tub than you would've liked. You stared at Kaz's profile as he continued pouring in the water.

"Enjoying the view?" Kaz questioned without breaking into a smile. You didn't respond, instead you merely continued gazing. "I charge twenty kruge for a show, but I can give you a minor discount," He finally met your gaze and swallowed thickly.

"Kaz Brekker making flirtatious jokes? Somebody must write this down," Your lips formed a small grin.

Kaz's lips curved upward into a slight smile. With the others, he was always stoic but around you there were moments when Kaz could relax. His shoulders eased just a bit and his furrowed brows released the tension.

"Are you well?" You asked in the comfortable stillness.

"You just got knifed in the shoulder and you're asking me if I'm well?" Kaz questioned, staring at you intently.

"I believe that was my question, yes," You nodded.

Kaz broke the eye contact and went to pour more water into the tub when it was finished boiling. He didn't entertain your question with a response, instead he continued filling the tub.

"I'm still waiting for a legitimate answer," You stood slightly up on your tiptoes to whisper into his ear the same thing he said to you not too long ago.

"I'm well," He replied with amusement in his gaze as he looked at you.

"Good," You whispered and stepped back away from him for a moment. The tub was nearly full so you started to unbutton your pants. Kaz wasn't looking, but you got the sense that he could see everything from where he stood. He had his jaw clenched, almost as if he were fighting his inner thoughts.

"Can I help?" He didn't look at you when he asked. He could see you struggling due to your injured arm.

Your breath caught in your throat as you blinked and looked up to him. "Sure," You nodded and then added, "Please."

Kaz placed the pot of water back down and walked towards you. You gazed at him as your palms began to produce a thin layer of sweat. He removed his gloves and placed them on the small table beside you. You looked up to his face, but his gaze was locked downward, as his hands moved to the button of your pants. He unclasped it effortlessly and, only then, did he raise his eyes to look into yours.

There was silence for a long while. At least, it felt like a long while.

"Thank you," You whispered.

Kaz didn't respond to your gratitude and inside nodded once with a mere dip of his chin. You weren't sure if it was because of how close the two of you stood, but you could almost hear the rapid thumping of his heart.. or maybe it was your heart.

He stepped back one step and swallowed, "Is that enough water?"

You turned your eyes to the copper tub and nodded mindlessly, completely forgetting about the bath you planned to take.

"Yes," You nodded.

"Okay," Kaz bowed his head once. "Then, I'll be on my way. You'll rest afterwards?"

You nodded softly, not trusting your own voice.

"Good," He turned and headed for the doorway, but you reached out to grasp his wrist. Kaz met your eyes again with a question in them that needed no words.

"Stay," You exhaled. "Stay with me, please." You weren't sure if your voice was shaking or if your body was shaking, but frankly you didn't seem to care in the moment. "I don't want to be alone," You stated once you trusted your voice again.

Kaz looked as though he might've been contemplating and, eventually, he slowly nodded. You sighed contently and began to remove your clothing. It didn't seem to phase either of you, but something in the room was different. You looked up to Kaz when you couldn't quite shimmy out of your top.

He stepped forward and assisted you in removing the top. You swallowed the lump in your throat and looked at Kaz. His gaze was hard, yet soft. He looked as though he could devour you in that very moment, but something had a strong grip on him. His pride, perhaps, you thought.

Kaz helped you out of the rest of you garments and assisted you into the bubbly and soapy tub. The water was warm against your greasy and dirt-covered skin. Kaz pulled a chair out to sit beside the tub, letting his bad leg stretch out. It must've felt relieving to be able to take the weight off it for a while, since he hadn't come in with his cane.

"Thank you," You whispered and leaned your head back against the tub.

He nodded again, gazing at you with both admiration and hunger. You couldn't quite differentiate the two; not that they were all that much different anyway.

You made sure not to get your wrapped arm wet as you reached for a bar of soap to clean your hair with.

"Allow me," Kaz spoke softly as he reached for the soap. You nodded with a small smile and turned so that he could easily wash your hair. His hands were perfectly pale and they felt nice as he massaged your scalp and scrubbed the soap in between the strands.

"Perhaps, if the thug life doesn't suit you forever, you might think of becoming a barber," You smiled as you head was leaned back against the tub.

"I will take it into consideration," Kaz grinned, you could hear it in his voice as your eyes were closed.

Silence stirred in the room. The only sound came from Kaz rinsing your hair after washing it. You sat there for a while, until the water ran cold.

"I'm sorry about what happened," Kaz whispered. "I should've been there."

"What?" You turned to face him, your chest covered by all the bubbles. Kaz looked at you with a nervous and uneasy gaze. "Kaz, there isn't anything you or anyone else could've done."

"I could've helped you," He replied, almost sadly.

"I'm alive, aren't I?" You asked and reached your good arm over to gently grasp his ungloved hand. They were warm and soft. You stared at your hands for a moment and breathed deeply. Kaz must've been feeling the same way because his chest rose and fell rapidly.

"I don't want anything like this to happen again," He repeated his words from earlier, but this time it was in a whisper. Kaz leaned closer to you as you stared at him with a beautiful gaze.

You gently squeezed his hand as his lips found yours. It was a kiss filled with longing and passion, but it was soft. He tasted of smoke and pinewood. You leaned your head back gently a little bit as his other hand cupped your face.

Slowly, you pulled back and felt your cheeks warm with heat. Kaz stared at you lovingly.

"So," You whispered, "are you gonna come join me?" Your eyes were filled with mischief as you gently grazed your fingers across the surface of the water.

Kaz smiled, coyly, in response and shrugged off his coat.

.

a/n: SO i just started reading six of crows, i'm half way through crooked kingdom and i'm in LOVE dude. i need to watch the show when i finish with the book. i hope you guys like this and that was okayish?? i'm kinda proud of it! if you want more six of crows stuff, PLEASE let me know!! ily guys so much!! mwah! <3 — angelina.

[criminalamnesia]

Dancing With Our Hands Tied

summary: Nikolai confronts you about unspoken feelings.

warnings: fluff, no use of y/n, not proofread, no gendered pronouns used (that I know of), grisha!heartrender!reader

author’s note: dancing with our hands tied by taylor swift inspired this! also listen I love zoya and nikolai but nikolai is just sooooooo ksjfjsjs I wanted to write a reader insert for him.

—

What you had with your captain was something no one understood– not even the two of you.

Sturmhond– or Nikolai, as you knew him in secret– was your friend. Your captain. But he was also something more.

He was a rogue ship, and you were a lighthouse guiding him home. He was a dangerous sea, threatening to drown you if you tested your luck– and oh, how you were so close to seeing what would happen if you did.

You shouldn’t even know his true identity. But, as fate would have it, he needed a heartrender with a specific set of skills that you just happened to have, and you needed an escape.

You were his tailor– disguising his appearance and turning him into the infamous Sturmhond. That was the only reason you were allowed to see him without his mask– you were the one to put it back together.

“You’re not surprised?” He had asked you the first night your services had been requested.

The ginger hair of Sturmhond had faded. The crooked nose had straightened, but the same smug grin was still present.

“No,” you had said. “I know that heartbeat. I knew it was you a mile from your ship.”

That took him aback. How did you know his heartbeat?

You had laughed, your eyes twinkling with something he found mesmerizing. He didn’t know you– he was sure of it. He wouldn’t forget a face like yours.

One of your hands was on his shoulder, holding him still. The other roamed his face, fingers dancing across his skin as you worked.

“You’re staring,” you stated, your fingers moving to his messy blond hair. “Trying to figure out how I know you?”

“Yes,” he admitted, eyes watching your face intently. “Were you at the Little Palace?”

You nodded. “I was.” The blond of his hair started to turn red. “But I spent most of my time in the Grand Palace.” You paused, your hand leaving his shoulder to move to his chin, tilting his head to the side. You could hear his heart beat a tad bit faster.

“The Darkling gave me to your mother, as he did with Genya. I was her apprentice. She taught me how to tailor.” You told him.

“I didn’t suffer the same fate she did, if that’s what you’re wondering. Your father had eyes for her, not me.” You couldn’t help the bitterness in your voice. Nikolai flinched.

“You were rarely home– but I met you once, when we were both still small. That’s why I know your heartbeat. The only one of the Royal Family to have a good heart– not a sour one. It stuck with me, I guess you could say.”

“I don’t remember you,” he admitted, and you gave a small laugh. His blond hair was almost completely red now.

“I wouldn’t expect you to. You’re not the only one being tailored, Captain. The First Army can’t take me back if they don’t recognize me, now can they?”

“Are you listening?”

Nikolai’s voice broke you from your thoughts. He was sitting on the bed in his quarters on the ship. You stood between his knees, your hands on his face as you changed him back into Sturmhond.

“Mhm,” you hummed. You weren’t. This routine was something you could do in your sleep, and truthfully, you found your mind drifting off more and more whenever Nikolai required your assistance. It’s not that you found his company dull– quite the opposite, actually. But you didn’t want him to know that.

“No you weren’t,” he gave a small chuckle, one of his hands moving up to grab one of yours. He pulled it from his face as he intertwined your fingers.

“Nikolai,” you hissed, pulling your hand from his grasp. “Do you want me to mess up? I was in the middle of reforming your nose.”

He sighed, his hand falling back to his lap as you raised yours once more. You avoided his eyes, knowing you wouldn’t like what you saw in them.

Between the two of you, he was the more open with his feelings. For the past few weeks, he had continuously tried to corner you and get you to talk about whatever the two of you were. To try and figure things out. You had successfully avoided him thus far, but you knew you were dancing on thin ice.

It was only a matter of time before he recruited one of the twins to subdue you while he forced you to listen. You wouldn’t put it past him, and you knew for a fact Tolya would help him. Curse that hopeless romantic.

“You’re insufferable. And exhausting,” he told you as you grasped his chin gently between your fingers, turning his face this way and that to examine your handiwork.

“I know. You tell me quite often,” you remarked, nodding to yourself as you moved to focus your sights on his hair.

He sighed. Silence engulfed the two of you. It was almost smothering, full of unsaid words and the tension between the two of you. You were suddenly aware of how close you were to him– his knees caging you in as you stood between his spread legs. His face in your hands, his hands now on your waist.

“We keep dancing around this,” he said. You didn’t reply, choosing to focus more intently on the roots of his hair. “The whole crew thinks we’re sleeping together.”

That caught you off guard. You gave a snort, rolling your eyes. “Of course they do. You call me to your quarters in the night, every week. You always stare at me, especially when you think I’m not looking. And you’re handsy– you’ve always got a hand on my back or my shoulder or something.”

Nikolai chuckled. “Well, you’re one to talk. Every time you laugh at something I’ve said, you grab onto my arm and go ‘oh Sturmhond!’. And don’t act like you don’t stare, too.”

“I do not say ‘oh Sturmhond’,” you said, looking down at him. He grinned that same crooked smile.

“I know you’re thinking it. Probably thinking some other things, too. Like how you’d like to–”

“Shut up, or I’m going to give you a black eye.” You hissed, pulling his hair harder than you should’ve.

He laughed. “You wouldn’t. You like my face too much.”

“Im sick of it, actually,” you remarked. “I see it everyday.”

“If that were true, you wouldn’t be here.” He replied.

“You say that as if you’d let me leave. I’m the only tailor you’ve got.”

He shook his head. “That’s not the reason I wouldn’t let you leave, and we both know it.”

You dropped your hands as the last of his blond turned red. Your job here was done. There was nothing stopping you from bidding him goodnight and excusing yourself to your own cot. You knew he would drop it and let you go without another word, but you couldn’t bring yourself to say anything. You didn’t want to say anything.

“So now you’re keeping me prisoner?” You said, suddenly all too aware of his hands squeezing your waist.

“Maybe I am. At least until you admit you like me,” he said, and you scoffed.

“If I didn’t like you, I wouldn’t be here–” you began, but he cut you off.

“That’s not what I mean and you know it.”

He moved to stand. You tried to step back, but his hands on you kept you rooted to the spot. You looked up at him, heat rising to your cheeks. Your chests were touching now, and there were only inches between your lips and his.

“When are we going to stop playing this game?” He whispered, one of his hands moving from your waist to brush a strand of hair from your face.

“You like it too much to stop.” You retorted.

“I’d like honesty more,” he said, and you shook your head. “As much fun as playing cat and mouse is with you, I’m growing tired of chasing. And we both know you’re tired of running.”

His hands were on your hips as he swung you around the deck, a laugh on his lips as you clung to his shoulders. You couldn’t help but smile as he dipped you, your eyes meeting his. There were unspoken promises in his gaze– too many feelings, and you had to look away.

Others danced around you two as a few of the crew played some song you’d never heard on makeshift instruments. Laughter and conversation made it hard to think straight. Spirits were high– you’d all just succeeded in breaking through a Fjerdan blockade– and that called for a celebration.

“They’re all going to think we’re together,” you had told Nikolai as he grabbed your hand and pulled you to the dance floor. He had laughed, leaning in close to whisper “let them” in your ear.

He had kissed you for the first time that night, after the party had subsided and everyone was asleep but the two of you. You had been talking quietly, watching the stars and listening to the waves, and he had kissed you and you had melted.

“Nikolai..” you sighed, your hands moving to rest on his shoulders. “This isn’t a good idea.”

“I don’t care,” he told you, and his heartbeat was as steady as it had ever been.

“I do,” you told him, meeting his gaze. “You can’t play pirate forever. What happens when you go back to Ravka, back to your family? You can’t marry me. I’m nobody– not a princess, not a diplomat. I’m an escaped servant who knows too much and would be imprisoned or executed for escaping.”

“Privateer,” he corrected, and you rolled your eyes. “And I’m the second son– a bastard second son. I’m already a disgrace in their eyes,” one of his hands moved to the small of your back, his thumb rubbing circles into the fabric of your shirt. “I can’t disappoint them any more than I have.”

“It doesn’t matter what they think of you now, they still won’t let me anywhere near you.” You replied, and he shook his head.

“Why are we even talking about this?” He asked. “We’re not in Ravka. We’re in the middle of the ocean, and no one cares what we do.”

He was right. You were far from Ravka and his family and your pasts. You were someone new, and he was, too. You weren’t an escaped servant– you were Sturmhond’s first mate. You were his most trusted friend– besides the twins– and you were the one he wanted.

And you wanted him, too.

“I don’t care about details,” he said, his voice low. “I don’t care about families or consequences or rumors. I care about you, about that little smile you always get before you win at cards, about how you let me drag you onto the dance floor while the crew stares, and how you put up with me more than you should.”

You didn’t say anything, too stunned for words.

“I would do anything,” he began, his face slowly inching towards yours. “To dance with you again. To kiss you again. To not hide behind stolen glances and little jabs at each other.”

“Nikolai,” you murmured, your eyes flitting down to his lips.

“Yes?” He asked as your eyes found his once more.

“Just shut up.” You said, and you closed the gap between the two of you, your lips meeting his.

Maybe nothing he said would be true in the morning. Maybe he would realize this was all a big mistake, but you didn’t care.

He was right. You were tired of running, and you were so glad he was tired of chasing.

And as you kissed, that heartbeat that you’d remembered after all these years– that you’d always remember– soared.

And you knew he wasn’t lying.

[writerslittlelibrary]

"What, are you?"

masterlist

summary: when your abilities show themselves during a viscous Drüskelle attack, General Kirigan has you immediately transferred to the Little Palace for protection

pairing: Aleksander Kirigan x sun summoner reader

warnings: canon level violence, mention of blood

genre: angst, fluff

words: 2683

a/n: I watched the show Shadow & Bone a few years age, and I was absolutely obsessed. recently I picked up the books, and I cannot express how upset I am that they’ve cancelled the series. It literally had so much potential :(

also, I apologise for literally falling off of the face of the earth these past two months. I was depressed at first, and when I felt a little better me and my mom went on a two week vacation to Ireland, and this week I was at a figure skating camp, so I didn’t really get to writing lol. anyhow, I’m feeling better, and I am planning on writing more fics and hopefully do a flufftober week or something :)

You do not have my permission to repost, copy or translate my work

 |—————————— ✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧ ——————————|

The war in Ravka had been raging on for as long as you could remember. It had taken your parent’s lives, and very likely their parent’s lives as well. Now it was your turn to take your place in the army and fight in the war. 

You had never possessed much physical strength. Ever since you were a child, you were weak and fragile. It had pushed the caretakers at the orphanage to give you other tasks. 

They wanted you to posses as many skills as possible, to ensure you would have a future, even if you wouldn’t be able to fight in the war. As you got older, you seemed to develop a true talent in drawing. Your drawings were detailed and realistic, and so the caretakers pressed to ensure you would continue developing that talent. 

When you became of age, you were send to join the first army as a mapmaker. 

Currently you were stationed at a camp just next to the fold. There were several skiffs being readied to enter the fold, but after running a little detour, you found out you were not scheduled to go on any of them. 

At the moment, you were sitting with a Squaller. You had met her years ago, when both of you were just little girls. A boy had been bullying you, and she had thrown him across the field. Ever since, you had been friends. When she would return to the Little Palace, you would write to her, and when you were stationed at an encampment, she would request to be sent to the same place.

As you were laughing at something Zoya had said, you heard yelling coming from a few tents away from you. You figured it was just another soldier fight, but Zoya knew better as she stood, pulling you up with her when she seemingly spotted something that frightened her.

She pushed you behind her, grabbing your hand and she made a run to the edge of the encampment, towards the forest.

You could hear shouting behind you, and the noises of a fight reached your ears. This was not a friendly soldier fight. Too many people had been involved for that. Before you could reach the forest, you could feel two arms wrapping around you from behind, pulling you away from Zoya. 

She screamed, reaching out for you before someone took her out from behind. 

The language the man spoke was foreign, and it didn’t take you long to realise they were Fjerdans. They must’ve dressed up as soldiers so they could infiltrate the tents and eliminate the Grisha. 

You fought against the man holding you down, kicking him in the stomach and managing to punch him in the face. 

He struggled, falling backwards. You didn’t hesitate to run away from him, spotting Zoya on the ground, the Drüskelle on top of her. He had a knife in his hand, undoubtedly planning on slicing Zoya’s throat. 

You ran over quickly, jumping on the man’s back in order to get him off of her. Zoya struggled for a bit, surprised by your return before regaining her composure, raising her arms to blast the man backwards. She made her way over to you, grabbing you hand once more before she was pierced by an arrow. A Drüskelle stood behind her, a few feet away, holding a bow. 

Zoya fell to the ground, and the Fjerdan you had managed to push to the ground was now behind you again, restraining you as the other one walked over to Zoya.

He grabbed her hair, pulling her to her knees, with her head pulled backwards. He mumbled a few words in Fjerdan, something about salvation of the witches before he pressed his knife to her throat. 

You screamed, fighting against the Drüskelle holding you as they prepared to slit Zoya’s throat. 

The moment the Drüskelle drew blood, you screamed. An anger releasing inside you that you didn’t know you were holding. Your view went black, a bright light shining through the blackness before you felt your body giving out. You could faintly hear screaming, and you could make out Zoya’s voice as she held you head in her lap. 

After that, everything went black. 

-------------------------------------------------------------

When your vision returned, you could make out you were in a tent. You saw Zoya’s face first, looking concerned as she wiped a wet cloth over your forehead. It appeared you were burning up, yet the cool cloth felt as though it had burned you.

You groaned, moving away from her touch and shielding your eyes. The light was too bright, even though the tent was fairly dark. 

“She’s awake,” you heard Zoya say to another person in the room, who hummed thoughtfully before dismissing her.

“Thank you, Zoya. You may leave,” you heard a male voice command. 

You saw Zoya shaking her head, holding one hand on your arm as her head was turned to the other presence. 

“Please, General. She’s confused and scared as is. Allow me stay, please,” Zoya said, and you don’t think you’ve ever heard her use the word ‘please’, let alone use it multiple times in the same sentence.

“Very well,” the male voice commanded, and you could hear large footsteps cross the tent towards where you were lying down.

You groaned, grabbing onto Zoya as you pulled yourself into a sitting position, noticing you were indeed in the tent of the Black General. You breath caught in your throat at the sight of him, and your eyes fell to two Heartrenders standing guard at the entrance of the tent.

“You’ve made quite the show, miss…?” the General trailed off, looking at you expectedly. 

“y/l/n, y/n y/l/n,” you said quietly, turning your gaze to fall on Zoya, who had moved to sit next to you on the cot you were previously laying on. 

Your head felt heavy, and your hands felt clammy. 

“Miss y/l/n, tell me, what are you?” the General asked, leaning against a desk placed in the tent. 

You looked at him confused, thinking about what he could possibly mean. 

“A mapmaker, sir,” you told him, turning to look at Zoya. You couldn’t read her expression, so you turned back to the General, who looked slightly offended. 

“Don’t fool me,” he started. “What are you,” he stated firmly.

“I don’t know what you mean,” you admitted honestly, not wanting to upset him.

He looked at you for a moment, determining whether you were lying before speaking again.

“Were you tested as a child?” he asked, to which you nodded. 

“What was the result?” 

“I wasn’t Grisha,” you said, a hint of pain in your voice. You had always wanted to be Grisha. To be in a place where you belong, amongst people who were like you. Instead, you were just normal, with no place where you belonged.

“Your little display of power this morning suggests otherwise, miss y/l/n,” the General spoke.

You looked at him confused. 

“I don’t understand what you mean,” you told him honestly.

“You singhandly managed to scare all of the Drüskelle away, yet you claim to have no knowledge of what you were doing?” 

“I’m sorry, sir, I truly don’t,” you replied, flinching slightly when the General pushed himself off the desk, closing the distance between you. 

“Hold out your arm,” he stated. 

You did as he said, extending your arm towards him while pulling up your sleeve, knowing what he wanted. 

“You say you were tested as a child?” the General asked in confirmation, noting the way you nodded, almost disappointed. “Were you injured during the testing?” he asked you, seeing your face contort in confusion. 

“I don’t recall… does that matter?” you asked, looking up at him as he stood before you. 

“It is the whole point of the test,” he said, taking ahold of your arm and bringing his sharp ring towards it. Gently, he pressed the talon in your arm, and you gasped at the slight sting before a warm beam of light shot from your arm.

You eyes widened, and the moment he let your arm fall back you grasped it, looking at the cut in disbelief. 

“You are very much Grisha, miss y/l/n,” the General said, motioning towards the Heartrenders at the entrance of the tent. 

You couldn’t find any words, turning to Zoya who just looked as bewildered as you. 

“I’m Grisha…” you whispered quietly, looking at Zoya. 

Before she could say anything, the General had returned to your side, gently grasping your upper arm and pulling you up. 

“We’ll have to work quickly. The Drüskelle are already on alert after the attack, and word of your discovery will spread fast,” the General said, handing you a red Kefta, urging you to put it on. “You’ll travel in my coach,” he spoke, before handing you to the two Heartrenders. 

You looked towards Zoya, who stood and asked the General if she could accompany you. 

He shook his head, insisting that she was still needed at the camp. 

Before you knew it, you were being dragged outside and towards the Darkling’s coach. Two Oprichniki stand at the doors, opening them upon seeing your arrival. You didn’t resist, taking the hand one of the Oprichniki offered to help you step inside. 

Once you settled into the coach, the two Heartrenders followed, sitting across from you. The doors were closed, and the two Oprichniki moved to the front, no doubt riding on horses beside the coach. 

You were silent for the first part of the journey, admiring the detailed embroidery on the red Kefta adorning your body. 

“It’s bulletproof,” said the man across from you suddenly. You looked up, meeting his kind smile and realising they had been watching you. “It is why the General wanted you to wear it,” he finished.

You nodded, allowing your hand to fall to your lap. 

“I’m Feydor, and this is Ivan,” the Heartrender introduced himself, motioning towards his partner beside him. He carried a stern look on his face, turning to look outside instead. 

You nodded in reply, turning to look outside in thought. 

“Where are we going?” you asked, turning back to Feydor. He smiled.

“The Little Palace, of course,” he said. 

You nodded once more, settling your gaze outside again. “Why the hurry?” 

“By now, every Drüskelle and Shu assassin will have heard what happened at the camp. What you did. We need to make sure you are behind safe walls when they come for you,” Feydor explained, and you nodded once more.

“I don’t even know what I did,” you then said, earning the look of both Feydor and Ivan. 

“You saved us,” Feydor started. “Your light killed two Drüskelle, and scared the rest away. The disguised themselves as First army to kill Grisha. Without you, they would have succeeded.” 

You looked at him surprised, not expecting that reply to come from his mouth. You could not remember a single thing that happened at the camp, let alone the Drüskelle attack. 

After the conversation died down, you turned to look outside once more. You felt your eyes drooping, exhausting settling into your bones as the world outside passed you in a blur.

Suddenly, the carriage stopped, and an Oprichniki opened the coach door. 

“There’s a fallen tree on the road, we’re moving it now,” he stated, closing the door again. Ivan looked uneasy, glancing out the little window. Feydor did the same, studying the other window until there was shouting. 

Immediately, Ivan and Feydor got up, both heading out the doors.

“Stay here, get down, and don’t move,” Feydor said, pushing a blade of Grisha steel into your hands before abandoning the coach. 

You did as he said, crouching down onto the floor of the coach, pressing your knees against your chest. You could hear screaming outside and multiple guns firing. When it stilled for a moment, you thought it was over, until the glass of the coach broke and a smoke bomb was thrown inside.

You coughed, pushing the door of the coach open and stumbling outside, falling to your knees as you tried to catch your breath. 

You heaved, clutching the Girsha steel knife in your hand when you looked up, barely registering the boots of a figure marching towards you, grabbing your hair and dragging you away. 

You fought, struggling against his hold as he pressed his knife to your throat, pressing harshly. You felt a trickle of blood stream down you neck, and you grabbed the knife in you hand as tightly as you could before stabbing it backwards, hitting the person in the stomach. 

His hold on you faltered enough for you to push him away, running away from him, into the forest. 

You ran for as long as your feet could take you, registering the fighting still happening behind you. When you stopped for only a second to catch your breath, you were tackled to the ground, a figure laying on top of you.

His held his knife high above his head, muttering a prayer of kinds before preparing to bring it down.

You could faintly hear a horse in the background, and you closed your eyes tightly, figuring this was it. You heard a yell, but you didn’t feel the sharp pain of a knife digging into your skin. Instead, when you opened your eyes. You could see the man on top of you, slowly falling in two. 

You turn your head, seeing the Darkling standing there beside a group of other Oprichniki. You realised he had cut the man on top of you in half. 

When he fell, you pushed him off of you, moving away from the body, and catching your breath. 

The General walked over to you, extending his arm, which you gratefully took as he helped you up. He studied the cut on your throat.

“Are you alright?” he questioned. 

You nodded, moving your hand to rub the sore spot on your throat. 

“You’ll ride with me,” he stated, walking over to his horse, leaving no room for argument. 

You followed him, standing beside him as he mounted his horse, extending his hand to help pull you up. You allowed him, settling in the saddle as he took off in a gallop. 

He held onto you firmly, ensuring you wouldn’t fall at the movement of the horse. 

With you were riding multiple Oprichniki guards, and you spotted Ivan and Feydor both riding on a horse themselves. They must’ve won the fight in the woods. 

After riding for nearly half a day, the group stopped at an abandoned barn. The Oprichniki secured it, while the General dismounted the horse, extending his arm to help you off as well. When the Oprichniki secured the barn, the group moved inside. 

The horses were giving water and something to eat, while a small group of Oprichniki went outside to hunt for dinner. 

You settled on the ground, close by the fire that Ivan had made. Once the sun had set, the temperature had dropped significantly, and you could say with certainty you were freezing.

You pulled the dirty Kefta around you a little tighter, hoping to conserve some warmth. The General seated himself beside you, reaching out a gentle hand to touch the cut on your neck. You winced slightly at the sting, and General Kirigan retreated his hand to retrieve a small, black cloth from his pocket. 

Gently, he wiped the blood away from you neck and face, making sure to avoid pressing to harshly. 

Once he retreated his hand, you gave him a small smile. 

“Thank you,” you said in a quiet voice, and he nodded. 

“Once you’re in the palace you’ll be able to clean up properly. The cut isn’t too deep, but in your weakened state it is enough to stir some worry,” he explained, tucking the small cloth back into his pocket. 

You nodded once again, moving to lay down, using you arm to support your head. The palace. That is where you were headed, after all…

Permanent tags: @marvelnatasha12346 @lesbionion @daddipantherr @darkstar225 @saraaahsstuff @marvelwomenarehot0 @screechcat @iheartjohansson @tia-thesimp @swaqcenix @karmasgxrl @marvel-lous3000 @hor1zond1ar1es @lorsstar1st @superlegend216 @ravensinthedaylight

[pr-olvdr]

reblog if you agree

[hopingforrainydays]

birth of the bone-breaker | general kirigan

pairing: general kirigan x fem!reader

warnings: descriptions of blood and gore

word count: 2.3k

summary: soft times with the darkling as he comforts a traumatized grisha; in other words, a story in which a healer becomes something else and finds solace in the shadow summoner

author’s note: so so excited for shadow and bone season two. this one has been sitting in my drafts for a long time, and i’m happy to finally share it with y’all!

requests are open!

--

You were dragged through the palace gates at Os Alta, your limp form tugged forward--and held up--by the red-clad Grisha on either side of you. You barely registered their forceful motions, keeping your chin tucked into your chest. It was sodden with dirt, blood, and what could only be assumed to be some other form of bodily matter. But that wasn’t a bother. You barely registered that either.

It had been a long enough journey, but you had not fought the Grisha hauling you by horse, carriage, and on foot. You weren’t a fighter by nature, and even so, any of the adrenaline that flowed through your veins had ebbed away. Besides, you deserved whatever they had planned for you. The iron grip of the Corporalniks prevented any attempt of a struggle. The black detailing of their keftas marked them as Heartrenders; they could take the air from your lungs or crush your heart in a matter of moments.

But you could do the same, couldn’t you?

The shadow of the Little Palace loomed over you, and yet your gaze did not falter from its focus on your muddied feet. It was the only thing grounding you to this moment, no matter how you wished to glance upon the palace one last time. Once inside, you found small purchase on the smooth marble floors, the tips of your toes tripping at the quick pace set by your companions. A part you, deep inside, was apologetic of the mess you were bound to leave behind: muddy, bloodied footprints.

It wouldn’t be your first mess.

The First Army soldiers flanking the grounds had kept their hands on the trigger of their rifles and any Grisha that now flock through the halls followed your every movement, hands clasped in front of them. The dark forms of the oprichniki walked ahead, leading you to your doom. A strategic hold on your arms forced your hands to be kept apart.

You understood, in part, their caution. It still pained you. The presumption that the Grisha--your family--looked at you as though you were a monster clogged your eyes with tears.

Saints, you deserved whatever awaited you.

The Grisha soldiers brought you to the end of the hall. Ornate double-doors pushed open, and you were marched to the center of the large room. The bruising hold on your biceps ceased, causing you to fall to the ground in an ungraceful heap. You caught yourself against the ground, eyes trained on your bloodied fingertips. Your fingers folded into tight fists, the jagged edge of your fingernails cutting into your palms. You winced at the throbbing pain, but dug your fingertips further into the soft flesh. In the wild panic that rose in your throat, in the unsurety of the future, and in the potential meeting of your gruesome fate, you found that it was the one thing that reassured you.

“What is this?” The voice came from in front of you. It was cold and calculating, and one that you faintly recognized from your years spent training at the Little palace. General Kirigan.

“Forgive us, moi soverennyi. It’s a matter of grave importance,” said one of the Heartrenders. From what you could tell, they were stood not far behind you. Ready, in case you were to attack. 

There was a shuffle of feet behind you. One of the Grisha, a Squaller, stepped forward. Her voice cracked as she said, “We were meant to deliver a few supplies to the Second Army regiment posted outside Chernast. When we arrived, they were–” she paused, taking in a shaky breath. She whispered, more to herself than anyone else, “Saints, they were all dead.”

“Except for them,” the other Heartrender spat. There was a sharp tug to your hair, yanking your head back. You let out a yelp, wild eyes meeting the cool stare of your general. “We found this one near the Fjerdan border, not far from the rest.”

“Release her.”

“General, you should know it was a massacre.”

“Release her.”

The hand in your hair released. Your head slumped forward, a throbbing pain forming at the back. General Kirigan stepped toward you, his finger reaching out to lift your chin. You flinched. He hesitated, the finger hanging in the air for a moment before retracting entirely. Instead, he crouched, his eyes now level with your own.

“What happened?” he asked, his voice softer now than when he spoke to his soldiers.

“Our best guess is drüskelle-”

“I wasn’t asking you,” the general snapped at the Heartrender. He turned his attention back to you, waiting patiently for your response.

You shook your head back and forth, frantic. The memories of the attack had plagued your mind throughout your journey from Chernast to Os Alta, but you were always quick to shove them away. You didn’t want to remember.

The general’s tongue darted out to wet his lips. His dark eyes roamed your indiscernible features, watching as your eyes darted to look at the Grisha beside you. With a frown, he rose to his feet.

“Leave us.”

One of the Corporalniks made a noise of disagreement, but with one look from their general, quieted. The remaining Grisha left the room in slow, hesitant movements, as if they thought General Kirigan would change his mind. With a final bow, the Squaller closed the door behind her.

There was a tense silence as you remained on the floor and the general leant back against the round table. You were afraid to move, though most of the stress in your muscles had eased at the near-isolation.

“Can you stand on your own?”

You didn’t respond.

“Are you injured? I’ll send for a Healer.”

“No,” you were quick to dismiss the idea. The voice that left you did not feel like your own; it was rough as sandpaper, and a lot louder than you intended. Noticing the general’s taken-aback-expression, you were quick to whisper an explanation. “The blood isn’t mine.”

With a sigh, he moved towards you. He reached his hand out in front of you, mindful to keep his movements slow and stay a respectful distance away. You eyed his hand before placing your palm into his own.

He turned it over, brushing his thumb over the deep crescent marks left by your fingernails. A trail of blood ran from them down to your wrist. The look he gave you had your face burning in childish embarrassment, as if you were getting scolded by a parent.

“You’ll visit the infirmary later. I’ll have a servant come to clean you up, lest you’re hiding anymore injuries.”

You wanted to scoff at his choice of words. A small mark of self-mutilation was hardly an injury, and would never compare to the harm you brought to those in Chernast. Instead, you settled on a frown. He hoisted you to your feet and set you straight. As he moved to leave, you caught his arm.

“Wait,” you said. He looked at you expectantly, and you found yourself at a loss for words. You weren’t sure where you were going with this, but the idea of being left alone terrified you. The idea of being left alone with one of the servants terrified you even more. You wanted to believe it was because of the looks the other Grisha had given you upon your arrival--distrust, discomfort, and horror. You would never admit it, but you knew the true reason: you weren’t afraid of what they’d do to you, but of what you’d do to them. “Stay.”

After a beat of silence, you cleared your throat, pulling away from the powerful man. It was foolish, you were foolish. You leaned against the table, propping yourself up with both arms. The strength it took to hold yourself up became too much, though, and your arms trembled with exertion. 

General Kirigan reached out to catch you, balancing your weight on his forearms. He didn’t say anything, didn’t react to your request, or reprimand you for being so forward. Instead, he wrapped an arm around your back, supporting a majority of your weight as you leaned into his side.

He mumbled encouragements as he led you to a side room, resting you against the cool surface of a sink. You observed the new environment, the realization that he had brought you into his washroom dawning on you. The room was large enough, with a tub seated in the center. General Kirigan was beside it, turning the handle to allow water to pour from the faucet. As the tub filled to a level of his liking, he set out a variety of soaps and sponges off to a table on the side.

He took a few tentative steps in your direction, as though he were approaching a wild animal. Maybe he was. He gestured to the door you had entered through. “I’ll be in the other room.”

With a flustered expression, he shut the door behind him. It took you a while to get the motivation to move, to make any progress toward the bath. The ruined garments decorating your body would not budge under your trembling fingertips, so you eased into the tub fully-clothed. The water was scorching hot against the exposed parts of skin, but as you adjusted, you found that you preferred it. The bitter cold of the Fjerdan border still bit into your skin, so you welcomed the hot pain.

Cold. Chernast. Pain. Burn. The connection formed before you could stop it, and you were plagued by the memories from days before. You whimpered, curling into a fetal position. You remembered your weak attempts at healing the fatal injuries that littered the bodies of your fallen friends; the Fjerdan warriors charging you, axes raised to cut you down; the burning rage as your hands moved in ways they never had before; Fjerdan blood mixing with Grisha as it splattered into the snow.

The rap of knuckles against the door startled you out of your trance. The general’s voice sounded from the other side, “Is it okay to come in?”

You froze. Had it really been that long?

The door creaked open. He stepped into the room, his eyes finding yours. He let out an exasperated sigh at your state: curled in the tub, clothed, the water barely warm, and skin still dirty. His figure disappeared into the other room, bringing back with him a wooden chair.

He took a seat by the tub, reaching forward. His hands rested on your shoulders, smoothing over the fabric as his fingers moved to work at the buttons of your ruined kefta. The general was close enough now for you to smell him. A whirl of musk and spice filtered through your nose. You inhaled deeply, the scent strangely calming you.

The rest of your layers were stripped from your skin, and he folded the garments--Saints know why; they were beyond the help of any Fabrickator. You were left in a loose shirt and pants. The muck and grime caking your skin itched, and it took everything in you not to scrape it off. Your fingernails dug into the fat of your calves, jabbing through the thin material of your pants. You curled further into yourself, head rested against your knees. The pain brought you to the present, and it was all you could do to focus on that.

“What did this to you?” the general asked, rolling up his sleeves. He rubbed a bar of soap against a damp towel until the suds grew to his liking. He pressed the cloth to the skin of your hands, gently rubbing away the grime.

It was a different way of asking what happened, with an implication that you were not the cause. If only he knew that you were. “I don’t know. I don’t want to know.”

“You’re a Heartrender, no? You must remember the attack.”

“I’m a Healer.”

The confession stalled his movements. His grip on your wrist loosened, but he continued his work in the silence that followed.

“I do,” you whispered, after a moment. “I do remember.”

Kirigan didn’t say anything. He glared at the bruises marking your arms from the Heartrenders’ grip.

“Fjerdan warriors attacked in the night. We never saw them coming. There was so much blood, so many bodies.”

“But you weren’t one of them.”

“No. I was trying to help those still alive. Heal them, if I could. Saints, at that point I was saving them just for them to die again.” You swallowed, thick and teary-eyed. “One of them found me, in the midst of it all. He pinned me to the ground. I saw the axe raise. And I just…panicked.”

By now, Kirigan had moved to cleaning your face. He dabbed carefully at your forehead.

“My hands were on his chest, and I felt every bone in his body break.”

You were disgusted with yourself. You were a Healer, not a Heartrender. It was your chosen specialization because you could not stand the thought of causing another person pain–you wanted to help. And yet here you were, one massacre later.

His finger smoothed the crease of your brows. “That sounds like self defense to me.”

“It could’ve been. If I hadn’t hunted down every warrior after that.” He gestured for you to stand. A fluffy towel wrapped around your shoulders, soaking in the sopping wet material of your clothes. “Why are you doing this?”

“Doing what?” he asked as you stepped from the tub.

“Taking care of me.”

“Someone needed to.”

“You didn’t have to.”

A pregnant pause. You thought you may have overstepped or offended him. He pulled you close by the towel on your shoulders, fingers gripping the sides of your jaw. His thumb rubbed against your cheek. “I did. I know what it’s like to feel like the monster.”

“General–”

“Kirigan. Just Kirigan.”

“Kirigan.” You smiled, if only a small one, for the first time in weeks. “Thank you.”

--

buy me a coffee

[notelcol]

The Getaway🐦‍⬛

That Kaz x reader hurt/comfort that was voted in by some lovely people❤️

Mildly edited, apologies for mistakes🫶

The wind blew harshly against your body as you ran through Ketterdam with a stolen scroll in your hand. You felt like you were flying. Grinning, you turned towards the man who ran a step behind you. His face matched yours. A wicked joy had you both feeling more alive than ever. You had just pulled a small heist, now it was your favourite part. The getaway.

A few more turnings through the winding streets and you would be at the switch point. There, you would meet Inej and she would disappear with the loot, while Jesper appears and shoots the men chasing you. That was the plan at least…When you and Kaz finally skidded to a halt at your location, you both looked up at the rooftops for Inej.

“Where is she?” Kaz hissed. You looked back down the road you had come from.

“Where’s the men?” You realised they should have caught up by now. Slow footsteps began to echo, coming from a nearby turning. You whipped your head around to see the man you just stole from. He grinned menacingly before pulling out a gun. Kaz clocked it before you did but before he could even take a step towards you, the shot rang out. The scroll fell from your hand and rolled down the street, towards the shooter.

“I’ll have that back now, thank you.” He said, all too politely. Then, he simply walked away while whistling a jaunty tune.

The shock wore off, as the whistling became quieter. Then came the pain. You held your hand against your stomach, only to be met with a wet warmth. Reality truly hit you when you looked down at your hand and saw the blood. All of a sudden you could feel it trickling down from your stomach until it fell in a pool on the floor. You looked to Kaz for reassurance, only to see him white as a sheet inching towards you terror.

“You need to apply pressure.” He instructed. You complied, but each second you felt as though you were fading. Until, you dropped.

“HEY!” Kaz shouted desperately poking you with his cane. “Stay awake and keep applying pressure. Inej and Jesper will be here…they’re just held up.” He hoped they would make it. A situation like this is the only time Kaz feels useless.

Your eyes started to roll as your vision became blurry. You tried to keep pressing on your wound, but your hands wouldn’t listen to you anymore. As your fingers fell beside you once again, you felt a hard pressure against your stomach. You knew you were delirious when you saw Kaz kneeling at your side, keeping your blood inside your body, allowing you to close your eyes at last. Kaz himself was beginning to feel like he was dreaming too. But his dream was a memory. The last time he had pushed his hair out of his face, your blood on his gloves ran up his arm beneath his sleeve. The wet sensation combined with the coldness of your body under his hands was all too familiar. He could almost feel the water choking him once more.

Kaz wanted nothing more than to sink his memories forever. But they kept surfacing to matter how hard he tried to focus on you. A scream ripped from his throat as he punched himself in the head, as if trying to evict the distraction of his childhood trauma. His eyes fell upon your face as he told himself this isn’t Jordie. You were still alive, at least you would be as long as he could keep himself together. He pressed more confidently against the wound at he thought of losing you, his partner in crime. He never expected to trust someone enough to call them that. He had his Crows, but never a partner. Not until you. Not since Jordie. A tear fell from his cheek onto yours as he stared down at your paling features.

He barely even noticed Inej’s arrival. It was shortly followed by Jesper’s much louder one.

“Sorry! We got held up by-“ Jesper froze when he saw the scene before him, then released a breath when he saw your chest rising.

“Shit. We need to get them back home.” Jesper jumped straight into action, less cautious to approach Kaz than Inej was. He took over Kaz’ position at your side and picked you up.

You woke up to a deep ache, causing you to groan and roll over. The movement changed the pain to a searing stab.

“FUCKING HELL!!!” You screamed.

“Good morning to you too.” Kaz’ made his presence in the room known to you. He was sat at the side of your bed smirking at you.

“I take it the men who were supposed to be chasing us are why Inej and Jesper were late?” You asked. Kaz answered you with only a nod, leaving you still concerned for your friends. Your rolled your eyes as sat up, this time sure to move slower. It did not help much, still feeling like you were being ripped open. You felt Kaz’ cane press against your chest gently.

“Lay down.” He sternly told you. You looked up at him in defiance but stopped when you saw his eyes. “Please.” His tone was more vulnerable this time, small like a whisper. You allowed his cane to push you back down, not missing the sadness in his eyes as a groan escaped you.

“I’m okay.” You sent him a comforting smile, which he returned.

“So are Inej and Jesper.”

Kaz had been in and out of your room all day in between handling business.

“I just came to say goodnight.” He said, though he seemed as though he was holding back. You decided not to pry, since you did not have the energy to get blood from a stone tonight.

“Goodnight Kaz.” You smiled. He turned to leave, looking almost disappointed. Then out of nowhere, he rushed back in and stopped when he reached your bedside. He looked deep into your eyes. The intensity woke your drowsy mind as your heart skipped a beat. “You are very special to me. Today was…” He trailed off and looked away. You thought he was about to turn around and leave again, but instead he sucked in a deep breath and quickly pressed a kiss to your forehead. As his lips met your skin, he lingered for a second. This was the closest you had ever felt to him. Not because of the physical contact though. It was rare for Kaz let someone see him feel. It felt intimate. But it was over as fast as it began.

“Goodnight.” He said once more, but this time he was breathless and shaking in a mix of fear and something else that he was finally ready to name.

“I love you.” He spoke. Before you could process the interaction, he was gone.

——-

Thank you for reading 🌹

[thesuntomyshadows]

Y/N: You won't tell anyone, will you?

Nikolai: Cross my heart and really, really hope not to die, because I'm too young, handsome, and witty.

[violentvaleska]

𝑻𝒉𝒆 𝑬𝒎𝒑𝒆𝒓𝒐𝒓

ʜᴇᴀᴅᴄᴀɴᴏɴs/ ᴀᴜ

ᴘᴀɪʀɪɴɢ: ᴇᴍᴘᴇʀᴏʀ!ʟᴇᴠɪ × ʏᴇᴀɢᴇʀ!ʀᴇᴀᴅᴇʀ

sᴜᴍᴍᴀʀʏ: ᴇᴍᴘᴇʀᴏʀ ʟᴇᴠɪ ɪs ɴᴏᴛ ɪɴᴛᴇʀᴇsᴛᴇᴅ ɪɴ ᴄᴏɴᴛɪɴᴜɪɴɢ ᴀ ᴡᴀʀ ʜɪs ʟᴀᴛᴇ ᴜɴᴄʟᴇ sᴛᴀʀᴛᴇᴅ, ʜᴇɴᴄᴇ ᴡʜʏ ʜᴇ ᴅᴇᴄɪᴅᴇs ᴛᴏ ᴏғғᴇʀ ᴋɪɴɢ ɢʀɪsʜᴀ ᴀ ᴅᴇᴀʟ: ᴛᴀᴋɪɴɢ ʜɪs ᴏɴʟʏ ᴅᴀᴜɢʜᴛᴇʀ, ʏᴏᴜ, ᴀs ʜɪs ᴡɪғᴇ ᴀɴᴅ ᴍᴀᴋᴇ ʜᴇʀ ᴇᴍᴘʀᴇss.

ᴡᴀʀɴɪɴɢ: sᴍᴜᴛ, sʟɪɢʜᴛ ʙʀᴇᴇᴅɪɴɢ ᴋɪɴɢ, ᴛᴏxɪᴄ, ᴏʙsᴇssɪᴠᴇ ᴀɴᴅ ᴘᴏssᴇssɪᴠᴇ ʙᴇʜᴀᴠɪᴏʀ, sᴇxɪsᴍ

ᴀ/ɴ: ᴍɪɢʜᴛ ᴀs ᴡᴇʟʟ ᴍᴀᴋᴇ ᴀ ғᴀɴғɪᴄᴛɪᴏɴ ᴏᴜᴛ ᴏғ ᴛʜɪs...ᴅᴇᴘᴇɴᴅs ᴏɴ ʜᴏᴡ ʏᴏᴜ ɢᴜʏs ʟɪᴋᴇ ɪᴛ ;)

Emperor!Levi who actually never wanted to be the damn king of anything. Being the only heir to the throne after his late uncle passed away he had no choice but to take the rein of the war-ridden empire Paradis

Emperor!Levi who decides after a long conversation with his consultant Erwin Smith, that the war needed to end, there was no point in continuing something his megalomaniacal uncle has started. And if conflicts aren't solved with war they are being solved with women. There opinion in this doesn't matter, an arranged marriage would be a key to peace and a potential marriage.

Emperor!Levi who offered the Marleyan King Grisha Yeager a generous deal: His cousin Princess Mikasa Ackerman of Paradis and Hizuru would be married off to their second son, Prince Eren Yeager of Marley and Levi would take their daughter in return, making her Empress of Paradis. He knew they wouldn't be able to refuse the deal, considering that Grisha Yeager's second wife, Carla, was once a noblewoman of Paradis.

Emperor!Levi who secretly only offered the deal because King Grishas youngest children were in fact half Eldian.

Emperor!Levi who, when he saw you for the first time, couldn't belive his luck. You, the Princess of Marley, were in fact a true beauty. You not only looked clean but smelled like it too, like you were taking good care of yourself. It truly relived him to see that you weren't filthy like your oldest brother Zeke. He originally planned to offer Mikasa to him, but seeing how he already had a wife, Ymir, a woman with eldian heritage and slave history, he had to give her hand to the younger brother.

Emperor!Levi who thought you were rather shy and docile, but came to realize that you infact were able to keep up with his cynic personality and were well read too.

"At least our children won't be as dumb as the heir to your lands throne" He told you the night before your wedding at dinner.

"I can't argue that. Zeke is an eccentric narcissist, I'm honestly glad to have a different mother than him." You awnsered calmly, taking a sip of your wine, while glancing at your soon to be husband.

Emperor!Levi who could not longer control himself on your wedding night and broke your hymen with a harsh trust of his hips, making you yelp in a mixture of pain and pleasure, as you wiggled under his body, naked and vulnerable. Levi took his sweet time with you, making sure to impregnate you well.

Emperor!Levi who despised the idea of children, but somehow find the encouragement to fuck you every night in hopes to see your belly round with his child, his own heir, soon.

Emperor!Levi who got madly protective over you when the doctors confirmed your pregnancy to him. It went so far he didn't even want you to leave his chambers in fear something could happen to you. You felt furious, trapped and robbed of your freedom. Freedom, something your brother Eren had plenty off now that the war was over thanks to you and his wife, Mikasa.

Emperor!Levi who didn't understand why you were so upset with him, demanding of you to be grateful instead of a "nagging woman". If it wasn't for his own mother to stop her sons madness, you'd probably still be locked up in his room.

Emperor!Levi who nearly cried tears of joy when he held his newborn son in his arms for the first time, calling him Furlan after his late friend, a soldier who died a heroic death in the war. It was bitter, yet filled his cold heart with joy.

Emperor!Levi who found a new obsession in having you, his wife and empress, as an object of his desires, in every way possible. He'd make sure you won't be able to go back to that filth of a kingdom you have been born in. You were his wife now, his very own key to his heart...

[audreyclimbs]

In response to this ask, here’s some Nikolai hurt/comfort ☺️

“c’mere, let me hold you”

Pairing: Nikolai Lantsov x afab!reader

Warnings: Nikolai being a simp? Allusions to sex, sort of edited oops, established relationship, reader is called milaya (translates to sweet girl in English) so basically fem reader, just Nikolai comforting his betrothed after she has a rough day so pretty much just fluff

First fic yippie! Anon, I hope you like this and please please please keep the requests coming yall!

Your bones felt tired in a way you knew surpassed the physical exhaustion you had endured today. Your eyes stung from the amount of times you had staved off tears of pure frustration, and you weren’t sure how much longer you could force the lump swelling in your throat back down. With heavy footfalls, you carried yourself to the one place of true solace in this Saints-forsaken palace.

Walking past the guards with a familiar half smile that you knew didn’t reach your eyes, you crossed the threshold into Nikolai’s chambers. As if your body could sense the change in atmosphere before your mind caught up, you felt your shoulders relax microscopically.

And there he was in all of his perfect, unfairly handsome glory. The domesticity of this moment alone was enough to bring the first genuine smile, no matter how small, to your lips. You could feel cracks beginning to form in the floodgates you’d been holding shut all day, but here with him, you didn’t truly care.

His hair was in damp waves and based on the faint smell of bathing oils and soap, you guessed he had just finished a bath. He was in a linen sleep shirt, your favorite because of how soft it always felt against your cheek as you two fell asleep, and a pair of sleep pants. Nikolai was sitting up against the headboard of your shared bed, holding what looked like correspondence, likely from one of his outposts along the Ravkan border. Upon seeing you, though, he immediately cast the papers aside and regarded you with a warmth intense enough to melt all of Fjerda. Saints, how you’d missed him today.

“Hello, lovely,” he said softly, hand stretching out to beckon you to bed.

“Hi,” you cringed internally at how small and watery your voice sounded, even to your own ears.

His brows furrowed slightly, but he said nothing, letting you come to him at your own pace. His hand dropped back into his lap as he simply observed you, drinking you in after your time spent apart today. Before making your way to bed, you mindlessly slipped out of your day clothes and into one of the dozens of exquisite nightgowns Nikolai had made for you since your engagement. You had tried and failed to argue with him about how one person could not need that many nightgowns and that you’d be more than satisfied with just a few. He had of course countered with “What makes you think they’re all for your personal enjoyment? I happen to rather love the way you look in silk, satin, lace… nothing at all is my personal favorite, but they’re close seconds I suppose”

You lost that argument rather quickly.

Of course some of them, like the one you chose for this evening, were simply soft satin that draped comfortably over your skin. This one, you thought fleetingly, was made to be kept on, not taken off. Not that that had ever stopped Nikolai before.

Snapping out of your haze, you turned back to the bed and padded your way towards it. As you did, Nikolai shifted forward to sit at the foot of the bed, legs spread to welcome you to stand between them upon your arrival. Mindlessly, you did. His hands instantly greeted your hips, thumbs rubbing soothing circles as his eyes searched your face.

Suddenly, his tunic collar was very interesting.

“What’s wrong, milaya?” He practically whispered, leaning into your space to search your eyes. “Rough day?”

That aggravating lump formed in your throat once more, but you knew there was no point in trying to push it back down again— not with him. At your subconscious admission of defeat, you felt that familiar burning of tears begin once more behind your eyes. You let them come and well up in your vision, blurring the soft cream color of his tunic and how it draped across his strong chest. A silent nod from you.

“Yeah,” you murmured wetly.

“Darling,” Nikolai answered softly, hands sliding from your hips to your lower back, pulling you in closer so that your head made contact with the crook of his neck. “C’mere, let me hold you.”

At those words, you felt the cracks in your floodgates give way. The weight of the day finally came rushing through you in a torrent of frustration, pain, and despair. You felt one cry after another bubble past your lips, tears flooding from your eyes steadily, drenching the collar occasionally Nikolai’s shirt. In the back of your mind, you felt a twinge of guilt at possibly ruining his shirt, but in this moment, you couldn’t bring yourself to care. Not when his hands were running up and down your back, fingertips tracing your spine so so delicately, like you would break or fade away at a fractionally harsher touch.

“Come here, milaya,” he murmured into your hair, pressing a soft kiss to it before his hands slid down to the backs of your thighs, pulling you into his lap effortlessly. Your arms circled around his neck and pulled him closer, as if he’d ever let go. Nikolai whispered soft comforts into your hair and you felt a wave of gratitude that he was letting you cry your frustrations out before trying to figure out what they were.

“Shh, I’ve got you, I’m here,” his lips pressed so softly into your hair. They migrated to your temple and pressed another series of soft kisses to your skin, which was now flushed from how hard you had been crying.

Eventually, your sobs subsided and you simply stayed hidden away in the comfort of Nikolai’s warmth. His hands never stopped their comforting runs up and down the length of your back, occasionally pausing to rub soft circles here and there.

“You want to talk about it?” He asked into your hair, words followed immediately by yet another soft kiss.

You thought for a moment before shaking your head. “No, ruining your shirt helped,” you croaked out, the faintest of laughs following your words.

Nikolai chuckled softly, the sound rumbling through his warm chest and shaking his strong shoulders. The sound alone was enough to stop the sting of the day. If you could get drunk off of it, you would every day.

“Well I’m glad I could be of service,” he said quietly, the slightest of teasing in his voice.

You smiled into his neck, “Thank you,” you said simply.

“Anytime, my love,” Nikolai whispered. Another kiss to your temple.

Without warning, he stoop up and lifted you into his arms before dropping your bodies unceremoniously onto the plush bed. You let out a surprised yelp, your grip tightening from casual to vice-like.

“Nikolai!” You scolded, but your words had no bite to them. You couldn’t help the peals of laughter now spilling from your lips. They only intensified as Nikolai laid you on your back and began attacking your neck with a flurry of kisses. Your giggles filled the candlelit bedchamber, echoing off the walls.

After what felt like ages, he pulled back from your neck, a smile on his lips. He pressed a gentle kiss to your cheek, then the corner of your mouth, and finally your lips. You smiled into the warmth of his mouth, hands coming up to slide across his cheeks and into his blonde hair.

Nikolai pulled away, face mere centimeters from yours. “Are you sure it’s okay?” He whispered, eyes searching yours.

You nodded before he even finished his sentence, “Just a bad day— better now. Thanks to you.”

A smile brilliant enough to rival the sun itself crossed his lips. “What can I say, I’m happy to be of service to such a beautiful woman.”

His lips wandered, seemingly without any destination, down your jaw and your neck. There was no heat or expectation, no sense of urgency in the soft presses to your skin, which now felt flushed as you recovered from your bouts of laughter. You sighed happily, hands making their home in his soft, thick locks of hair, raking through them in a way that made you feel the upward curve of Nikolai’s lips against your collarbone.

“You know, my love,” a kiss. You hummed in response, listening to what he had to say. “I can think of other ways I might cheer you up, help you relax,” another few smatters of kisses, moving further up your neck and back to your lips.

You snorted a laugh and raised your eyebrows incredulously at your betrothed. “Is that so, moi tsar?” Your voice had a teasing coo to it as you looked into his hazel eyes. His lips curled into a soft smirk, the kind that was reserved only for you— only in these small, gentle moments where it felt like the world had shrunk down to just the two of you.

His eyes flicked across your features in clear adoration, a fondness growing (if that were even possible) in his gaze. You decided in that moment that any other comfort, even the warmest of baths or the richest foods, paled in comparison to the way Nikolai Lantsov looked at you. The last aching remains of your day drained completely as his eyes settled on yours, and you could almost cry all over again from the sheer amount of love staring back at you.

“What’s going through that beautiful head of yours, hmm?” Nikolai murmured softly, hand wandering up to stroke your locks of hair.

You shook your head fondly. “Pondering on how insatiable you are,” the lie was blatantly obvious. After all, you both knew that he could read you like a book.

Hazel eyes rolled briefly before returning to look into yours. “Right. Not thinking about how much you love and treasure your king and fiancee? How handsome he is? Or how clever, generous, charismatic, loving, daring, unparalleled, wise—“

“Oh for the love of the Saints,” you groaned with a laugh, hands tugging on his blond hair teasingly. “You do so love to hear yourself talk, my love.”

Nikolai leaned in, effectively closing the small gap between your faces. “I’d be more than happy to be shut up,” he whispered.

[lupinsversion]

𝐀𝐥𝐞𝐱𝐬𝐚𝐧𝐝𝐞𝐫 𝐌𝐨𝐫𝐨𝐳𝐨𝐯𝐚 - 𝐋𝐨𝐯𝐞 𝐌𝐚𝐤𝐞𝐬 𝐔𝐬 𝐖𝐞𝐚𝐤

• summary: when aleksander finds himself falling for reader, he doesn’t know how to express it.

• contains: aleksander x fem reader, complicated feelings, longing, self doubt, angst

• word count: 4.5k

masterlist || requests

Aleksander felt a strange mixture of warmth and discomfort every time he looked at Y/N. Ever since she had arrived at the Little Palace, he had found himself noticing her in a way he had never noticed anyone before. It was annoying, how she seemed to always pop up in his mind when he least expected it.

He tried to ignore the feelings, telling himself that they were nothing important, just a fleeting attraction. He was the Darkling, after all, and he couldn't afford to be distracted by such petty feelings.

But no matter how much he tried to ignore it, the feeling lingered on, a constant presence in his mind that he couldn't quite shake off. He found himself thinking about her when he should have been focused on leading his armies or strategizing for their next move. He found himself watching her during council meetings, his eyes drawn to her figure and her sharp eyes.

He tried to convince himself that it was simply a matter of admiration. She was young and talented, after all, and it was natural to be impressed by her skills and potential. But somewhere inside him, he knew that there was something more to it. He found himself drawn to her in ways that were deeply disconcerting. He felt a magnetic pull towards her, a feeling of longing that he couldn't seem to shake.

And as the weeks went by, he found himself growing increasingly frustrated with his own feelings. He was the Darkling, leader of the Second Army, and the most powerful man in Ravka. He had to be above such frivolous emotions, above such unnecessary distractions. He couldn't risk letting emotion cloud his judgment, not when the fate of their war hung in the balance.

So he tried to push the feelings aside, to ignore the thoughts that kept bubbling up in his mind. He told himself that she was just a grisha, one of many under his command, and that she held no more importance to him than any other soldier of the Second Army.

But no matter how hard he tried to dismiss her from his mind, he couldn't shake the feeling that there was something special about her. He had never met anyone quite like her before, and her quiet determination and resilience were intoxicating.

He found himself noticing the little things about her - the way she spoke, the way she smiled, the way she carried herself. He admired her passion for learning and her quick mind, and he adored her loyalty and her honesty.

He often found himself drawn to watch her during training sessions, his eyes following her every movement as she moved with confidence and grace. He admired her skill and her dedication, and he found her infectious optimism a refreshing change from the constant seriousness that permeated the Palace and the Second Army as a whole.

And then there were the moments when they were alone. The times when their conversations grew longer and more intimate, when they shared secrets that they dared not tell anyone else. These were moments that he secretly cherished, moments where he felt closer to her than he had ever felt with anyone else.

He realized that this growing attraction to her was a liability. He was the Darkling, the general of Ravkan Army and the Second Army, the most powerful grisha in all of Ravka. And love is weakness. Love is a liability. Love is the worst possible thing to have in the middle of a war.

He found himself torn between his growing affection for her and his duty to his country and his army. He couldn't let himself be distracted by her, no matter how much he wanted to. He knew that love could lead to recklessness and careless decisions, and he couldn't have even the slightest hint of weakness in his character.

The more he tried to resist his feelings, the stronger they seemed to become. He found himself dreaming of her at night, imagining what it would be like to hold her in his arms and feel her soft skin against his.

He woke up in cold sweats, her name on his lips, and he couldn't shake the feeling that he was losing control. He tried to convince himself that he was just lonely, that he was just missing human companionship, but he knew deep down that those were just excuses.

In his darkest moments, he could almost admit to himself that he was in love with her, that he was falling for her hard and fast. He had never felt this way about anyone, and it scared him to the core. He had always seen love as a weakness, and to feel it now, to feel it for her, was both exhilarating and terrifying.

And the thought of admitting his feelings, to himself and to her, felt like too much to bear. He couldn't imagine what she'd say, what she'd think of him, of the Darkling, the scariest and most notorious grisha general in all of Ravka. She would probably laugh in his face, or worse, she would look at him with disgust.

The truth was that he didn't deserve her. He was too dark, too filled with darkness and shadows that would surely taint her light. She was too innocent and pure to be dragged into his world of violence and darkness. And yet, despite all his logical thoughts and his rational mind, he couldn't help but feel drawn to her, like a moth to a flame.

As Aleksander watched her train, he felt his heart rate increase. He'd been feeling this way lately whenever he saw her, like he was some kind of lovesick schoolboy. It was ridiculous, and he hated it. He knew that the only way to combat it was to distance himself from her, to create a professional and distant relationship between them rather than the more affectionate bond they had now.

He took a deep breath and walked towards her, keeping his expression neutral. "Y/N." He said quietly, his voice betraying none of his tumultuous emotional state.

She was mid cheer when she turned to him, her hands slightly in the air from her celebrations before they dropped to her sides. “General Kirigan.”

He felt a familiar jolt of admiration at the sight of her cheerful smile and her gleaming eyes, but he quickly tamped it down. He couldn't let himself get distracted by her charms again, not when there was so much at stake.

"I was hoping to discuss some matters with you. Perhaps somewhere more private?" He said, gesturing towards the direction of his office. His voice was cool and composed, betraying none of the emotions that were raging inside him.

She tried not to show her confusion, but she couldn’t help but be a bit shocked in the slightest. “Yeah, yeah. Did I do something, sir?”

He shook his head slightly, his expression giving nothing away. "No, not at all.” He assured her in a low and measured voice. "It's just a matter of some importance, and it's best discussed in private."

He gestured for her to follow as he turned and marched toward his office, his steps confident and steady. He could feel her eyes on his back, and it took everything in him to resist the urge to turn around and look at her. He wanted to watch the way her steps swayed and the way her hair bounced around her shoulders as she moved.

She hadn’t expected his steps to be so quick, and she found herself struggling a bit not to fall behind. During their short walk, she couldn’t help but try to come up with all different types of scenarios in her head.

He could sense her struggle to keep up, but he didn't slow down. He needed to get to his office quickly, before he lost his nerve and changed his mind about confronting her with his idea. As they approached the door to his office, he held out his hand to open the door, waving her in first.

She walked inside, a room that she had surprisingly never been in before. Her eyes scanned the small decorations, the hardwood of the desk, and small little hints of him that weren’t obvious to just a normal passing eye.

As he shut the door behind her and she looked around his office, he couldn't help but feel a wave of vulnerability wash over him. She was in his private space, surrounded by his things and his scent. The thought made him slightly tense, although he worked hard to hide it.

He crossed to his desk and stood behind it, leaning his hands against the edge of the desk and leaning forward slightly. His expression was neutral, his voice still level as he spoke. "I have a proposition for you, Y/N."

“A proposition, sir?” She asked curiously, her brows ever so slightly furrowing.

He took a moment to collect his thoughts, trying to keep his mind from straying to the way her eyes crinkled when she frowned. "Yes. One that I think will benefit us both.” He said, his tone still coolly professional.

“I’m listening…”

He studied her for a moment, taking in the sight of her standing in front of him, her expression slightly confused and curious. He knew he should have felt in control of the situation, like a man of power making a proposition to a subordinate. But instead, he felt uneasy, as if he was the one being offered something, as if he was the one who lacked power in this situation.

He took a deep breath, then spoke. "I've noticed your talent, Y/N. Your skill with amplifiers, your dedication..." He paused for a moment, before continuing in a low and measured voice. "You're valuable to the Second Army and to Ravka as a whole. And I have an offer that I think would be very beneficial to both of us."

As he spoke to her, he could feel his heart pounding against his chest, as his mind raced with thoughts of what he was about to propose. He couldn't let her see that he was nervous, though. He couldn't let her see that she affected him to such an extent.

He continued in that cool and measured tone, trying to keep his true feelings from seeping into his words. "I want you to become one of my personal grisha. A member of my elite guard, my person circle. The jobs are better, and you'll have access to other benefits as well."

Her eyes widened in surprise. “Sir, I… thank you.” She spoke softly, gratitude swimming within her blood.

He felt a pang of guilt at the way her eyes had widened, as if she felt grateful to be offered this. He quickly buried the feeling, reminding himself that he was doing this because it was practical, because it was tactical. He couldn't let her know that deep down, he was doing this because he wanted her nearby all the time.

"There are a few... conditions of acceptance.” He added, his voice low and serious. "As expected.” He added internally, mentally berating himself for being such a fool.

"You'll need to follow my orders without question, without hesitation, and with complete obedience.” He continued, trying to ignore the growing lump in his throat.

“I expected as much, sir. I thank you for this opportunity.” Her voice was soft, genuine. She couldn’t believe that she was even offered this.

His chest tightened at her response. He couldn't believe that she was actually accepting his proposition. A part of him yearned to tell her that there was a selfish reason behind the proposition, that it was partially for his own selfish desires, not just for the sake of Ravka. But he couldn't admit that. Not now. Not ever.

"You'll also need to be available whenever I need you. Be it for missions or for training or for other duties, you'll be at my side." His tone was firm as he spoke, his eyes never leaving hers.

“I understand.” She gave the slightest nod.

He studied her closely, taking in the way her eyes held his gaze, the way her lips twitched ever so slightly as she nodded. He felt a strange, confusing mix of emotions welling up in his chest, but he quickly pushed them down. “There's one more condition," he said, his voice dropping even lower.

Her head tilted slightly to the right. She had heard of a few soldiers being chosen for this, but never once heard of any more conditions than the ones he had already listed, and she couldn’t help but wonder why this seemed different.

He watched her carefully, waiting to see if she'd still be willing to accept with this final condition. He knew it was selfish, but he couldn't help it. He couldn't stop himself from wanting her by his side, from wanting her close, from wanting to keep her safe. He couldn't stop himself from wanting her for himself.

He wanted to say so much more. He wanted to tell her that he was doing this because he was selfish, because he didn't want to be distracted by his feelings. Because he wanted her beside him, always. That he was scared of the way she affected him, of the way his heart pounded when he saw her smile, of the way his chest felt tight whenever she was in danger. He wanted her there, safe and by his side, where he could hear her voice and see her face all the time. Where he could touch her, hold her, feel her warmth, smell her scent.

But he didn't say any of those things, of course. He couldn't. He was the Darkling, not some simpering, lovesick fool. He was the Darkling, feared and powerful, not some puppy who followed a girl around. He had to suppress all those feelings, no matter how much they felt like they were suffocating him.

"You will live in my wing from now on. You'll have your own room with a private bathroom, of course, but you're expected to be available to me day and night.” He said, his tone firm and authoritative, but his heart was racing beneath his chest. He could feel the tension between them, thick and electric, and he knew he was crossing a line by suggesting this.

The thought of her moving out of her shared room with her friends saddened her a bit, but she knew that this was one of the greatest opportunities that rarely showed up. After a moment of processing, she nodded.

He watched her, his heart hammering against his chest. He couldn't believe he had actually said it, that he had actually asked her to move into his wing of the Little Palace. It was reckless and selfish and foolish and probably a thousand other negative words. He knew that he was only setting himself up for more heartache by making her constantly present in his life, but he couldn't resist the idea of her being there, within arm's reach at all times.

The first few days of her being part of his personal guard were a strange time for him. He found himself both elated and uneasy at the constant presence of her in his quarters. On one hand, he was over the moon about having her near him, in his space, seeing her every day. On the other hand, he found himself feeling more vulnerable and exposed than ever before. Being constantly alone with her, being constantly around her, made it harder and harder to keep his feelings hidden.

He found himself constantly battling with himself, trying to keep his interactions with her as strictly professional as possible. At the same time, he wanted to be closer to her, to touch her, to feel her hands on his arms as they trained. He found himself staring at her more often than he cared to admit, watching her every move with a growing longing in his heart.

During training, he found himself struggling to focus on anything other than her. He was grateful for the dark clothes that covered his body, as it allowed him to hide his reactions to her presence, to the sound of her voice, to the sight of her training. He found himself constantly reminding himself that he had to maintain a strictly professional relationship with her, even though every fiber of his being urged him to cross the line into something more.

Their training sessions became a sort of torture for him, as he watched her moving with incredible grace and accuracy, her movements sharp and precise. He found himself watching with fascination as she dodged and moved and attacked, his eyes following her movements with hunger and affection. But he couldn't let her see him looking at her that way, so he masked his adoration with a sharp command or a cold comment, pretending like he was just checking on her technique.

She, however, just felt like she was disappointing him. She was certain that given some more time, he would resent her and his decision to even give her such an opportunity. She worked hard, endlessly dawn to dusk, but still, she didn’t feel as if it were enough.

She backed up a few steps when the training session came to a close, fiddling with the straps of her specially made gloves that helped her powers reach further.

He watched her fiddling with her gloves, his eyes tracing the movements of her delicate fingers, his chest tightening with longing. He knew that she was talented and dedicated, and yet she doubted herself. He wanted to tell her that she was more than enough, that she had more than proven her worth to the Second Army. But he couldn't. He had to maintain his cold, impersonal demeanor, even though every fiber of his being wanted to pull her into his arms.

He took a deep breath, clearing his thoughts from his head before speaking. "You're improving." He said, his voice low and measured, even though he wanted to say so much more. He wanted to tell her he was impressed with her progress, that she was amazing, that she was perfect. But he couldn't. He could only give her a subtle compliment, hidden behind a mask of disinterested authority.

Her head slowly turned over to him, a slight sweat to her brow as her lips parted to take slow, measured breaths. “I’m by far the longest one to improve. I’m failing, you can say it.”

His heart dropped at her words. He could hear the doubt and insecurity in her voice, hear the way she tried to hide her vulnerabilities behind casual nonchalance, and he felt a deep urge to tell her that she was anything but a failure. He wanted to assure her that she was more talented and capable than most grisha he'd encountered, that she was a valuable asset to the Second Army. But again, he couldn't. He had to maintain his façade of cold detachment.

She undid the straps to the gloves and took them off by the fingers before clasping them both into a hand, looking down at them in thought.

He took a step forward, his voice low and measured. "You're too hard on yourself. You've improved quickly, but there's always room for improvement. Don't compare yourself to others, only compare yourself to your previous performance. You're improving, don't doubt that.”

She glanced outside, noticing how it was getting dark. “I better rest, continue at dawn.”

He watched as she looked outside, knowing she was right. It was getting dark, and they needed their rest to stay strong for their next mission. He felt a sharp pang of longing in his chest as she spoke of continuing in the morning, a longing to spend more time with her, to talk with her and be near her.

Her steps were slow and measured as she moved to walk past him and towards the exit of the room.

He watched her move past him, every step feeling like a blow to his heart. He wanted to reach out, to touch her, to pull her back and hold her close, but he couldn't. He stood there, frozen, feeling like a man being torn apart.

As she reached the exit, he couldn't resist calling out to her, his voice a sharp and harsh command, though full of affection deep down. "Wait."

Her head snapped in his direction, a look of confusion etched on her features.

He took a deep breath, his mind racing with a mix of emotions, of longing and need and desire. He knew he shouldn't cross the line, but he wanted to feel her presence for just a moment more, even just for a minute. He took a step towards her, his expression still controlled, despite everything going on inside him. "Just... stay for a moment.” He said, his voice softer than before, his heart pounding against his chest.

He watched her carefully, seeing the confusion in her eyes, but he saw underneath it, a glimpse of understanding, of the possibility that she felt the same way too. His heart hammered against his chest as he waited for her response, hoping beyond hope that she'd accept, that she'd stay with him, atleast for just one more moment.

“Okay.” She whispered, letting her hands fall to her sides.

He felt a wave of relief wash over him at her small, soft word, "okay". Her quiet acceptance felt like a weight being lifted off his chest, and he felt a surge of emotions, a mix of relief, longing, and adoration. He wanted to reach out, to touch her, to take her hand in his, to pull her closer and hold her tight. But he didn't. He stayed where he was, trying to keep his voice steady and calm.

"Come here.” He said softly, gesturing for her to come closer to him. He couldn't take it anymore, he had to feel her presence, even if it was for just a moment longer.

Her brows furrowed but she took two small steps closer.

As she took those two small steps closer to him, he couldn't resist taking a step towards her as well, closing the gap between them slightly. He felt his heart pounding against his chest, his hands tightening into fists to stop himself from reaching out and pulling her into his arms. He felt like he was standing on the edge of a cliff, ready to jump off and let his emotions carry him.

"Closer.” He whispered, his voice hushed and filled with longing. He wanted her closer, as close as possible, to feel her warmth and hear her soft breath and smell her sweet scent.

“Sir, if I walk any closer we’ll be pressed up together.” She whispered.

His heart skipped a beat as she acknowledged the close distance they'd be standing at if she moved closer, his chest filling with longing and adoration. He wanted to feel her against him, to feel her heat against his own, but he couldn't. He knew he couldn't cross that line, even if he was desperate for it. "I know.” He whispered, his voice filled with a mix of longing and restraint.

He wanted to say more, to tell her how much he wanted her closer, how much he yearned to touch her, to pull her into his arms and hold her tight. But he couldn't. He couldn't cross that line, not here, not now, not with her. But he couldn't resist a slight step towards her, closing the small gap between them a little bit more, his chest almost touching hers.

He felt her warmth, her presence, her breath brushing lightly against him, and it was all he could do to resist the overwhelming urge to wrap his arms around her and pull her closer, to press his body against hers and feel her in his embrace. It was a torturous thing, standing this close to her, feeling her body so near his, having her so close.

His eyes flitted from hers to her lips, his thoughts filled with longing and need and desire. He felt a deep ache in his chest at the proximity and intensity of his feelings, of her presence. He wanted so badly to close the small remaining gap between them, to reach out and touch her, to feel her soft skin against his fingertips.

He swallowed hard, his throat dry and his mind clouded with yearning and desire. He was so close, so close to crossing that line, but he couldn't, no matter how much he wanted to. He took a small step back, trying to create some distance between them, but it was like trying to fight a raging inferno with a single drop of water. The flames of his need for her were too strong, too intense to be put out by something so trivial as a slight step back.

He felt as if he was teetering on the edge of a cliff, his heart pounding against his chest, yearning for the feel of her body against his, for the warmth of her skin and the softness of her breath. He wanted, no, he needed to reach out and touch her, to pull her into his arms and hold her tight, to feel her softness and warmth against him, to feel her breath mingling with his, to feel the beat of her heart against his chest and hear the soft sounds of her breathing.

He took a deep breath, composing himself and trying to push back the overwhelming feelings that threatened to consume him. He closed his eyes for a moment, trying to put his feelings aside and act as he should. He looked at her, his expression schooled back to his usual cold and detached mask, not letting her see the turmoil within him. "You may go, rest now. Tomorrow will be a tiring day." He said, his voice stern and distant.

Confusion and shock carried through her body in a tidal wave, he brought her so close to only dismiss her. She took another glance at him before making her exit, knowing better than to question the general.

He watched her leave, his heart aching and his mind racing with guilt and longing. He cursed himself internally for pushing her away, for being unable to suppress his emotions, for letting his longing for her take over his mind and cloud his judgment. He cursed himself for being weak, for being a coward, for not being able to be the General he was supposed to be and ignore the feelings that were slowly consuming him.

He stood there, alone in the room, feeling the weight of his loneliness and longing heavy on his shoulders. He wanted to go after her, to apologize and pull her back into his arms, to hold her close and confess his feelings. But he knew he couldn't, no, he wouldn't. He couldn't let himself be that weak, to let his emotions run wild and compromise his responsibilities, his duty, his role as the General of the Second Army.

© lupinsversion 2024

[gabbyshere]

Kaz: Y/n, what have I told you about staying out past your curfew?

Y/n: I need to do it more often.

Kaz: Exactly.

[srslyblvck]

art of letting go, kaz brekker

pairing: kaz brekker x tidemaker!reader

synopsis: Kaz decides that the best way to protect you from the dangers of his world is to let you go.

warning: angst

word count: 1.4k

⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ KETTERDAM WAS A CITY of shadows, where secrets were currency, and trust was a commodity too expensive for most. It was a city where survival meant hardening yourself against the world, and Kaz Brekker had mastered the art. But then you came along, slipping into the life of the Crows like a drop of water into the canals, altering the tides.

the city of endless shadows and sharp-edged deals, where the air was thick with smoke and greed, where people like you—soft-hearted, gentle-spirited—were swallowed whole. But you weren’t soft. Not anymore. The Little Palace had seen to that, had hardened you, shaped you into something more formidable, more dangerous. But still, Ketterdam wasn’t your home.

Kaz had found you in an alley, drenched and shivering, your Tidemaker powers slipping through your fingers like the rain that pooled at your feet. The darkness had been closing in, but Kaz had been there—his cane tapping against the cobblestones, his eyes assessing, calculating. You were powerful, that much was clear, and he was nothing if not opportunistic. He offered you a deal: safety from the Darkling in exchange for your skills. You had nothing left to lose, so you agreed.

For years now, you had been a Crow, woven into the fabric of Kaz Brekker’s schemes. You fought alongside him and saved his life and those of the other Crows more times than you could count. You weren’t made for the streets, but you had carved out a place for yourself, proving your worth time and time again.

But Kaz knew. He saw the way your eyes lingered on the few patches of sky visible between the buildings, the way you paused by the canals, longing for something more than this grimy, crime-ridden city. He noticed the way you touched your mother’s locket absentmindedly when you thought no one was watching, the way you hummed songs from Ravka when the world was quiet. Kaz noticed everything about you, and that was the problem.

Kaz Brekker didn’t have weaknesses. Not until you.

Kaz never allowed himself the luxury of weakness. He’d seen what it did to people, how it turned them into targets, how it left them broken. But you...you were different. You weren’t just another piece on his board, another tool to be used and discarded. You had become something more—something dangerous. You had become his weakness.

It infuriated him, how much he cared. He didn’t like it—this vulnerability that gnawed at him, this fear that kept him awake at night, worrying about your safety. He didn’t want to see you hurt, didn’t want to see the darkness of Ketterdam taint you, didn’t want to see tears in your eyes. His world was full of darkness, and he couldn’t bear the thought of you being dragged into it.

He hated how his heart stuttered whenever you smiled at him, the way his chest tightened when you frowned. Kaz wasn’t meant to feel these things—he had buried those emotions long ago, along with the boy he used to be. But you had brought them back, and it made him weak. It made him vulnerable.

Kaz Brekker didn’t do attachments. Attachment made him vulnerable, and vulnerability was something he couldn’t afford, not in this city, not with his enemies constantly watching, waiting for a single moment of weakness to strike.

And it didn’t take long for them to figure it out.

The first threat came in the form of a letter, slipped under his door. The second was more direct—a knife pressed to your throat during a routine job, the assailant whispering threats of what would happen if Kaz didn’t cooperate. You were unscathed, of course. You had power that made most men tremble, but that didn’t stop the fear that gripped Kaz’s heart when he saw the look in your eyes. The darkness that flickered there, the remnants of a fear you had long since buried.

He couldn’t allow it. He couldn’t let you be tainted by his world, by the darkness that surrounded him. He couldn’t let you be hurt because of him. The last time he had let himself care for someone, it had ended in disaster. He wouldn’t—couldn’t—let that happen again.

So he did the only thing he knew how to do. He let you go.

It started small at first. Kaz began to ignore you, a difficult task when every fibre of his being screamed to be near you. But he forced himself to walk past you without a word, to pretend you were nothing more than a ghost in the halls of the Slat. you had frowned, tilting your head in confusion. It had nearly undone him, the way you looked at him as if you were trying to figure out what you had done wrong.

It tore at him, every time he saw that look on your face, every time he felt your eyes on him, questioning, hurting. But he couldn’t stop. He had to protect you, even if it meant breaking your heart in the process.

Then, he began to snap at you, finding fault in the smallest things. He’d scold you for a plan that didn’t go exactly as he wanted, even if the outcome was successful. He’d raise his voice when you asked questions, brushing off your concerns as if they were nothing. The hurt look in your eyes was like a knife to his chest, twisting deeper with each passing day. But he forced himself to look away, to harden his heart against the pain that gnawed at him.

The Crows noticed the change, of course. Jesper would shoot him questioning looks, Inej’s gaze filled with disappointment, and even Nina would try to talk to him about it. But Kaz deflected their concerns, his tone sharp and dismissive. They wouldn’t understand. They couldn’t. This was something he had to do. He had to protect you, even if it meant breaking his own heart in the process.

Kaz’s heart ached every time he saw the pain he caused you, but he told himself it was for the best. You were too good, too pure for this world. You didn’t belong in the shadows, and the longer you stayed, the more the darkness would seep into your soul. He didn’t want to see your eyes clouded with the same despair that haunted his every waking moment.

And then, finally, he let you go completely.

One night, after another gruelling heist, you finally confronted him. The others had gone, leaving the two of you alone in the Crow Club. You stood before him, your eyes searching his for answers.

“Kaz, what’s going on? Why are you treating me like this?” your voice was steady, but he could hear the tremor beneath it.

He didn’t look at you. Instead, he stared at the map on the table, the lines and figures blurring together as he tried to hold onto his resolve. “You’re slipping,” he said coldly. “You’ve been making mistakes—putting the entire crew at risk. I can’t have someone unreliable on my team.”

The words sliced through you like a knife. “Unreliable? I’ve saved all of you more times than I can count. You know I’m not—”

“You’ve been careless,” Kaz interrupted, his voice sharp as a blade. “You let your guard down, and it nearly cost us everything. I can’t afford that.”

You took a step back, disbelief and hurt flashing across your face. “You don’t mean that. I know you, Kaz. I know—”

“You don’t know anything,” he snapped, finally looking up at you. His gaze was icy, devoid of the warmth he’d once allowed you to see. “You’re a liability. Maybe it’s time you found somewhere else to be.”

Your breath caught in your throat. The room seemed to close in around you, the walls pressing in with the weight of his words. “Kaz, please. Don’t do this.”

But he only turned away, his voice void of any emotion. “It’s already done.”

You stared at his back, hoping—praying—for some sign that this was all a lie, that the man who had taken you in, who had protected you, was still in there somewhere. But he gave you nothing.

After a moment, you nodded, though it took everything in you to force yourself to move. “Fine,” you whispered, your voice breaking. “If that’s what you want.”

Kaz turned away from you, his heart aching with every step you took away from him. He didn’t watch you leave. He couldn’t. Because if he did, he knew he’d break, and Kaz Brekker couldn’t afford to break. Not now. Not ever.

Kaz knew he had done the right thing—he had to protect you from the darkness that consumed him. But as the echoes of your voice lingered in the empty room, he couldn’t help but wonder if he had just made the biggest mistake of his life.

But it was too late now. Kaz Brekker didn’t make mistakes—he made choices. And this was the one he would have to live with.

[bey0nd-1he-stars]

Wedding bands - Nikolai Lantsov

Masterlists

Pairing: Nikolai Lantsov x reader

Wordcount: 1268

Warnings: none

Summary: You finally tell your friends and crew what your ring is for.

The wind blew in the sails, carrying the Volkvolny across the open seas. Almost the whole crew were up on deck, a few squallers minding the sails but mostly letting the natural wind do the work. Tamar and Tolya had gathered a small group of people and settled down for a few rounds of cards. Nikolai had sat down on the floor up on quarterdeck, a map laid out in front of him. You were out on request of the king so Nikolai hadn’t bothered to tailor himself. You kept close to Ravkan shores anyway and it was his waters so neither of you were especially worried. You stood behind him, watching over his shoulder as he studied it. Usually he would keep all of his maps down in the captain’s cabin but the sun was out and the soft breeze was refreshing. And you were out here on deck. That was always a plus. 

After a while Nikolai rolled up the map and stood to leave it in his cabin. You just gave him a nod and a smile before Tamar shouted for you to join them. They had sat down on the main deck at a bench and used a crate as a table. You smiled in thanks when Tolya handed you a set of cards. Your ring flashed in the sun when you took them from him and you saw his gaze flickering down to it for just a second. When you’d played for a while, Tolya brought it up.

“What’s that ring for? You always wear it and you’ve been wearing it since I met you,” he placed down his card in the pile and looked up at you. You smirked and placed down your card as well, leaving you victorious, “you know I won't tell you.” He shrugged, “worth a shot.” Tamar looked at you with raised eyebrows, “your heart rate picked up,” she stated with a smirk and placed a card in the pile. A faint blush covered your cheeks and you looked away from her for a second, and that was your mistake.

“You’re in love with someone!” she exclaimed and turned to face you fully. You let out a surprised huff and laughed softly, “what?” 

“Who’s in love?” Nikolai’s deep voice cut you off and you all turned towards him. The sun made his hair look golden. His hazel eyes looked like they had pieces of gold flowing in them and the blue of his jacket complimented his looks very well. It blew softly in the wind and tugged at the ends. Your Y/H/C hair was up but a few strands got caught in the wind and Nikolai had to tear his gaze away from you, his breath caught in his throat for a second. Tamar smirked and turned to you again. 

“Dear Y/N here. Her ring is a ring from a lover.” 

“Well that’s no news,” Nikolai smiled and sat down beside Tolya and you all returned to the game but continued talking. Tolya seemed a bit upset at his statement, “what do you mean ‘no news?’ You knew?” He turned to Nikolai who just shrugged and smirked at him. Tamar let out a huff, “you bastard,” she mumbled and both you and Nikolai burst out laughing. 

“But I’m right, then? You are in love?” Tamar pressed. They’d finished playing and Tolya had lost. Now the cards just laid in a pile in the crate and all the attention was directed towards you. You searched for Nikolai’s gaze and he gave you a quick, almost unnoticeable nod.

“Yeah, you are. I'm in love.” Tamar smirked at that and gave you a nod to continue. 

“What? What do you want me to say?” you laughed and started gathering together the cards again in a proper pile. 

“Well, is it a promise ring? Or how far along are we talking?” Tolya said and encouraged you to tell them all of it. Nikolai just shook his head in amusement. That it could be so interesting to know about your love life, but he stayed anyway. He wanted to see their reactions if you decided to tell them the truth. 

“It’s… It’s a wedding ring, actually,” you confessed and twisted the ring on your finger. The gemstones glittered in the sun and the gold shined. You had decided to just wear the wedding ring on your finger and hung the promise ring and the engagement ring on a chain around your neck, hiding away the Lantsov emerald from plain sight. Tolya gaped at your statement and then he turned to Nikolai.

“You knew she's married?” he asked, stunned that you’d told Nikolai and not them. You were all very close friends and Tolya thought that you’d tell them all if you were to tell anyone. But so the case didn’t seem to be because Nikolai knew. Your husband chuckled, “fortunately enough, I do.” Tolya turned to Tamar, feeling a bit betrayed but in a joking manner, of course. Tamar, intrigued, turned to Nikolai too, deciding it probably would be easier to get him to spill what he knew than to try to ask you. 

“Do you know who he is?” She lifted an eyebrow at him and leaned forward and rested her head in her hand. Nikolai’s gaze flicked to yours, amusement swirling in his eyes and a smirk resting on his lips. 

“Would be weird if I didn’t.”

“Well, tell us,” The twins demanded. Nikolai just smirked and with a laugh he lifted his own left hand where a golden wedding band rested on his ring finger. 

“Him? You’re married to him?” Tamar turned back to you, surprised but when she thought about it, it made sense. You always hung around Nikolai, often touching him, whether it was a hand on his shoulder, a hand threading through his hair or your elbows or knees touching. And if you weren’t with him your gaze always traveled the area as if taking in the scenery, but in reality, you were just looking for him. She’d never thought about it before but those days when something went bad or when he was hurt, or maybe just having a tough day and he disappeared into his captain’s cabin, you disappeared too. You watched as the puzzle pieces started to fit together in her head and you just nodded.  

“How long?” Tolya wondered out loud. Nikolai smiled, “a few years.” You nodded along with a smile “how long have you seen me wear this ring?” 

Tamar smiled, she knew you were telling the truth, but still, it was fun to tease you both, “prove it,” she demanded with a laugh. 

“Prove it?” Nikolai wondered, “what do you mean prove it? Isn’t the rings pretty big proof, or how do they marry in Shu Han?” Tamar smirked, “I demand to see a kiss.” Nikolai turned to you and you just shrugged. They were your closest friends, it didn’t matter if they saw you kiss one time. You took the hand Nikolai reached out to you and he pulled you to your feet. With one arm around your waist and one cupping your face, he pressed his lips to yours. You wrapped your arms around his neck and pulled him closer to you, burying your hands in his golden locks. You heard them cheer you on and Nikolai smiled into the kiss. When the two of you pulled away, Nikolai held you close to him anyway, looking into your eyes and smiling like an idiot, happy that you finally could show your relationship among your friends.