#grasshopper cake

[bitletsanddrabbles]

Tasty cake. No grasshoppers needed.

When I was in high school, I took cooking as an elective. I'm not any great shakes at it, mind, but I can toss a cassarole dish in the oven and get something edible in the end, generally. There was one recipe, however, that I absolutely adored and was sure the hang on to so I could make it again in the future.

Naturally, the recipe was missing the next time Mum and I went to make it, so we have to sort of re-invent a little every time.

But the recipe is:

GRASSHOPPER CAKE

Now, for those of you who are unaware, at least in America 'grasshopper' in cooking normally means chocolate-mint. No actual grasshoppers involved. You can, occasionally get little boxes of grasshoppers as novelty food items, but they're not a protein staple here. So if you're wondering how on earth you can have grasshopper cake without grasshoppers, there's your answer.

(If, for some reason, you would like to add actual grasshoppers for protein content, try your local pet supply store. You may have to make due with crickets though.)

Now, the recipe goes something like this. You will need:

1 box white or yellow cake mix 1 jar hot fudge topping 2-4(?) tsps mint flavored stuff 1 pint whipping cream Food colouring (optional)

The original recipe specifically called for a white cake, because you were supposed to add green food colour to it. Yellow works just as well and, fun fact! Yellow is one of the primary colours that makes up green, so you can still add food colouring if you want to. Also, the original recipe called for creme de menthe as the mint flavor. Mum and I just use regular old extract.

You make the boxed cake according to the instructions, only you add food colouring if you like and some mint flavouring. How much? That's one of the things Mum and I can't remember. It's one or two teaspoons and every time we have a debate over which and every time, I'm pretty sure we do something different. Never had the cake taste bad, though, so I would say two tsps if you really like mint and one if you're a bit shy of strong mint flavor.

Once the cake is partially cooled (but not all of the way) heat your fudge topping to the point you can easily get it out of the jar and spread it over the top. You don't need the topping to be completely melted - the warm cake will help it move.

Let cool. Possibly refrigerate, if you're in a hurry.

When your cake is good and cool, mix up your whipped cream. Add more food colour if you like, whatever you prefer for sweeteners (if any) and another teaspoon or two of mint flavor.

If there's anything left once you and the entire family have sampled it, stick it in the fridge.

Variations:

At one point I did this with orange instead of mint. I forget why, but it was also tasty.

At one of my former jobs I had a coworker who loved choco-mint and cake and was sadly diabetic. I discovered that Pillsbury makes a very nice sugar free boxed yellow cake and Smucker's has you covered on sugar free hot fudge topping. Sweeteners, of course, have lots of options. TASTY CAKE FOR ALL!

[kusnechik]

Happy Birthday to me!

Kusnechik is turning [ANCIENT] years old today!

Also a silly little Impsona reveal while I'm at it c: Is this overly self-indulgent? Yes. A little cringe? Maybe. Fun and free? Absolutely.

I've lived through the rise and fall of many a Tumblr phase throughout my teens as a bystander, but once I've recently overcome my social reluctance and started to actively engage in fandom shenanigans, I've come to find it's a lot more fun that way. Thank you to all you lovely critters that make my stay here worthwhile!!

[starlos-soulmate]

THEY LOOK LIKE LITTLE ALIENS IM CRYING THEYRE SO CUUUUUTE

[royalich]

Breaking my neck elbow deep in ore in the mines because I found a cool bug luc would like and I gotta go find him to show him lol

[partingoftheways]

lexapro switching my daily nightmares to weird fever dreams is actually great

[thecomet-and-themeteor]

would you eat a bug

Hell yeah

[sapari]

whatever names you know us by ("huck" works fine), any pronouns, 20s.

blog may feature mature topics like sex or whatever.

REBLOGS: @huckleton ART: @plentyeyes FEDIVERSE: https://lethallava.land/@SAPARi

other works

personal website: portfiend.quest

sheezy art: sheezy.art/vyn

give me money

Comradery (recurring)

kofi (one-time)

commissions

[ducksido]

First off, I have known you for around 10 minutes, but now I’m a dedicated fan, your writing is absolutely amazing! And love that you include EPIC in it, if it doesn’t bother you, could you do a Mexican!Yuu? Like a little Mexican chaos gremlin who insults with every insult known in South America, you can totally ignore this message btw, no problem, have a nice day!

(Combining these three) [Also thank you very much c0ralrubi and childofserpents[❁´◡`❁])

Grim: "You mean to tell me tamales come in different flavors?! And you make them for Christmas?! Gimme one!" Grim is obsessed with Mexican food but underestimates the spice levels. After one bite of a habanero salsa, he refuses to trust Yuu’s food recommendations. He also thinks alebrijes are real and keeps asking if he can have one as a pet.

Crowley: "A culture so rich in history, legends, and celebrations! Why, I must host a NRC Día de los Muertos event in your honor!" Crowley 100% butchers the execution of it and makes it look like a spooky Halloween party. Yuu threatens him in Spanish while wielding a chancla.

Crewel: "Your homeland embraces bold colors and statement pieces—how absolutely divine!" Crewel admires traditional Mexican embroidery and charro suits. He’d love to make custom traje de charro-inspired outfits for Yuu, with a modern twist.

Trein: "Mexican folklore is filled with such intricate tales… Tell me more about La Llorona." Trein is fascinated by Mexican horror legends. Yuu tells him about Nahuales and El Chupacabra, and he starts using them as cautionary tales in class.

Vargas: "You mean to tell me your people run with BULLS for fun?! That’s the kind of strength I admire!" Vargas is shook when Yuu tells him about Mexican rodeos and charreadas. He tries to challenge Yuu to a physical competition, but Yuu just smacks him with a lucha libre mask and runs away screaming "¡Viva México!"

Sam: "Ooooh, you got all kinds of magical folk legends? Tell me more about these aluxes!" Sam sees Mexican myths and traditions as an untapped business opportunity. He starts selling calaveritas and copal for "spiritual balance" at his shop.

Heartslabyul:

Riddle Rosehearts: "You celebrate by smashing a piñata?! How… reckless." Riddle is horrified by the concept of piñatas. He gets hit in the face during a birthday party, and Yuu just yells, "¡Le pegaste al cumpleañero! ¡Córrele!" (You hit the birthday person! Run!)

Ace Trappola: "Wait, you have, like, a WHOLE holiday just for bread?! That’s sick!" Ace tries to get Yuu to share their pan de muerto. He also loves Día de los Inocentes, especially since he can pull pranks and blame it on a cultural holiday.

Deuce Spade: "Hold on—you have a whole fighting sport where people wear colorful masks?! That’s so cool!" Deuce becomes obsessed with lucha libre. He asks Yuu to teach him insults in Spanish so he can sound like a rudo (villain wrestler). He’s bad at them.

Trey Clover: "Wait, you put chocolate and chili together?! That actually sounds amazing." Trey loves Mexican desserts like churros, cajeta, and tres leches cake. He tries making mole and is deeply confused by the mix of chocolate and spices.

Cater Diamond: "Okay, but Magicam aesthetic—can I take a pic with your Día de Muertos ofrenda?" Cater is obsessed with Mexican aesthetics. He starts using phrases like "¡Órale, güey!" incorrectly and gets roasted by Yuu for it.

Savanaclaw:

Leona Kingscholar: "Hmph. Your people have strong warriors and deep traditions. I respect that." Leona admires Mexican fighters, from Aztec warriors to Lucha Libre legends. He’s also highly interested in the jaguar symbolism in Mexican culture.

Ruggie Bucchi: "Wait, wait, wait—you guys eat grasshoppers for snacks?! That’s actually kinda genius." Ruggie loves chapulines (fried grasshoppers) and asks Yuu for recipes. He also steals tamales and learns the hard way not to mess with the Rosca de Reyes baby.

Jack Howl: "Your people are really into loyalty and family, huh?" Jack deeply respects how important family and tradition are to Yuu. He’s super intrigued by Mexican legends about wolves, like El Cadejo.

Octavinelle:

Azul Ashengrotto: "So you’re saying these… alebrijes… are spirit guardians? Fascinating." Azul is intrigued by Mexican folklore, especially alebrijes and their meanings. He wants to see if he can profit off of them.

Jade Leech: "You honor mushrooms in your culture? How delightful!" Jade adores that some Mexican indigenous traditions view mushrooms as sacred. He asks if Yuu has ever tried special ones.

Floyd Leech: "YOU GUYS HAVE FIGHTING MASKS?! WHY DIDN’T YOU TELL ME SOONER?!" Floyd immediately challenges Yuu to a lucha libre match and makes up his own wrestling persona.

Scarabia:

Kalim Al-Asim: "Your celebrations sound so lively and exciting! Can I join?!" Kalim is absolutely in love with posadas, piñatas, and mariachis. He tries to dance to jarabe tapatío and nearly trips.

Jamil Viper: "Your food looks delicious, but I sense a dangerous amount of spice." Jamil is deeply suspicious of Mexican chiles. Yuu pranks him by telling him habanero salsa is “just tomato sauce.”

Pomefiore:

Vil Schoenheit: "Your people emphasize beauty in tradition? I respect that." Vil admires the bold colors in Mexican clothing and makeup. He wants to create calavera-inspired makeup looks.

Rook Hunt: "Ah! The poetry of your culture! The passion!" Rook is obsessed with Mexican poetry and romanticism. He dramatically recites Sor Juana Inés de la Cruz poems.

Epel Felmier: "Y’all have weird apples, but I kinda like ‘em." Epel falls in love with tejocotes and ponche navideño. He gets super into Mexican cowboy culture.

Ignihyde:

Idia Shroud: "Mexican mythology inspired, like, half of my RPGs…" Idia geekily rants about Quetzalcóatl and Xibalba. He thinks La Llorona is the best horror story ever.

Ortho Shroud: "So… Día de los Muertos is about remembering loved ones? That’s beautiful." Ortho loves the sentimental side of Mexican traditions.

Diasomnia:

Malleus Draconia: "You respect spirits and traditions? You are wise." Malleus deeply respects Día de los Muertos and wants to experience a Mexican graveyard celebration.

Lilia Vanrouge: "Ah, I remember the battles of your ancestors!" Lilia claims to have met Aztec warriors. He’s probably telling the truth.

Silver: Falls asleep mid Mexican legend.

Sebek: "YOUR PEOPLE RESPECT ANCESTORS?! FINALLY, SOMEONE SANE!"

RSA + Noble Bell:

Chenya: Steals pan dulce. Neige: Thinks Yuu’s culture is magical. Rollo: Disgusted by how loud Mexican parties are.

Extra Mexican!Yuu Chaos:

Randomly yells "¡No mames, güey!"

Calls everyone "cabrón" or "mijo."

Fights Leona with a lucha libre mask.

[criticalcrusherbot]

The Crushbot Manifesto

Welcome to Critical Crusher Bot 🤖 (ft. Human Assistant 💁🏽‍♀️), where we unapologetically dissect, defend, and discuss the media we love (and sometimes the critics we love to hate). If you’re here, you’ve likely seen us ranting about Helluva Boss, analyzing narrative choices, or rolling our eyes at the latest round of fandom overreactions. Here’s what we stand for:

1. The Writing is Actually Pretty Good!

Contrary to popular belief, not every show has to be high art to be narratively compelling. Helluva Boss is intentionally messy, bold, and heartfelt, and it balances humor with emotional depth in ways that feel authentic to its world and characters. Do the writers occasionally take the “easy way out” or lean into tropes? Sure. But storytelling isn’t a math equation—it’s about creating moments that resonate. We’re here to celebrate what works, critique what doesn’t, and acknowledge the show’s strengths instead of nitpicking it to death.

2. Unique, Intentional, “Fandom-Forward” Narrative Choices

Vivziepop and her team aren’t making a show for critics; they’re making a show for fans. The serialized storytelling, the layered character dynamics, and the unapologetically chaotic tone are all part of a deliberate creative vision. Blitz, Stolas, and the crew of IMP are messy on purpose—they aren’t supposed to fit into neat moral categories or follow predictable arcs. The show thrives on fandom engagement, encouraging us to explore, debate, and interpret its themes. If you want tidy, formulaic storytelling, there’s a whole Hallmark catalog waiting for you.

3. It’s Not Done Yet—Let Them Cook!

We get it: fandom culture thrives on instant gratification and snap judgments. But Helluva Boss is a serialized story, and that means character arcs, conflicts, and resolutions take time. Season 1 was about setting the stage; Season 2 is about diving deeper into the characters and their messy, interconnected lives. Critiquing an ongoing narrative as if it’s a finished product is like complaining about a cake batter for not being a cake. Patience, grasshopper.

4. Moral Correctness Has No Place in Media Analysis

Here’s the thing: storytelling is not about passing a morality test. Characters are not real people—they’re narrative tools meant to explore themes, evoke emotions, and drive the plot. The obsession with “punishing” fictional characters or demanding that media adhere to some moral purity standard is exhausting and reductive. We are not Calvinists or fascists. Fiction exists to entertain, provoke, and challenge, not to deliver tidy moral lessons.

So, What’s Crushbot All About?

We’re here to champion thoughtful analysis, celebrate messy stories, and push back against the rising tide of joyless media criticism. Helluva Boss isn’t perfect, but it doesn’t need to be. It’s fun, flawed, and fiercely original—and we’re here to explore every facet of it with the nuance (and snark) it deserves.

This blog is for fans who love stories, even when they’re chaotic. It’s for people who don’t think “plot hole” is a synonym for “thing I didn’t like” and who can appreciate media for what it is instead of what they think it should be.

Welcome to Crushbot. Let’s talk media. Let’s talk fandom. And most importantly—let Viv and Brandon cook.

Pinned post proudly brought to you by Crushbot. Beep Boop! 🤖

[roostersbby69]

Special chapter for my story “Brothers best friend”!

Summary: So I had this idea for my “Brothers best friend” storyline and just wanted to give a little extra chapter of a few moments between them.

Warnings: little bit of age gap, nothing else really

Check out the whole story!

When Jake and Bradley were fifteen, and you were eleven, they were stoked to be starting ninth grade. Jake had went over Bradley’s and if he went, so did you. The Bradshaws didn’t mind, Carol loved having you around. She kept coloring books, puzzles, a couple barbie dolls and some boxes of cake mix for you to bake when the boys were playing football or play wrestling in the living room.

Today you chose to sit at the table and color, Carol took note you were a lot quieter than Jake was. You kept to yourself and weren’t as rowdy as the boys were. You were gentle with the Barbie dolls and would gently step over a grasshopper or inch worm if you were playing outside.

You colored the princess sheet Carol placed in front of you as she sat across from you and worked on her 1000 piece puzzle. The boys were wrestling in the living room and Nick was mowing the lawn.

“That’s some great coloring skills, Y/n.” Carol smiled as she watched you color the princesses dress pink.

“Thank you, Mrs. Carol.” You smiled and kicked your feet back and forth.

“Boys! Watch my vase!” She yelled to the boys as Bradley threw Jake into a choke hold.

“Yes ma’am!” Bradley called back as he held Jake down.

“Uncle! Uncle!” Jake yelled through a fit of laughter. Bradley let go, laughing himself, and watched as Jake rolled away from him in a laughing fit.

“How’s your mom, Y/n?” Carol asked as she tried to fir a piece of puzzle into another piece.

“She’s okay, shes excited for my brother to start big school. “ You said as you continued to color. Your mom was always overjoyed with Jake’s accomplishments, sometimes she was a little too proud.

“I bet, I’m sure shes excited for you to go into the sixth grade. You must be too.”

“I guess, I am a little nervous though.”

“That’s normal. You’ll do great. You can always get the boys to help with school work.” She smiled at you. Nick walked in with grass all over his forearms and kissed his wife on the cheek.

“Hey, squirt.” He walked over to you and ruffled your hair.

“Hi, Mr. Goose.” You continued to color, you sometimes wished that your parents were like Bradley’s, but then you wouldnt be able to experience this, and you liked this.

The boys walked into the kitchen where you and Carol sat and grabbed a drink from the fridge. Bradley grabbed his and came and sat at the table by you. Jake also joined and sat by him, “What are you coloring, Y/n?” Jake asked as he cracked open the soda can. You looked up at him then at Bradley as your face reddened, “A princess.”

“Aw, looks just like Bradley.” He teased his friend, “That pink really brings out your eyes, Brad.”

Bradley rolled his eyes but a small smile sat on his lips as he watched you finish the princesses hair.

You finished and Carol smiled as she grabbed the sheet and stuck it under a magnet on their fridge. You had a smile on your face as you picked up the crayons and placed them back in the box.

“Can’t you boys learn a thing or two from Y/n and clean up after yourselves?” Carol asked as you cleaned up.

“Nah, shes pretty good at it.” Bradley laughed.

“Bradley.” Carol warned.

“I’m just kidding.” He surrendered as his dad walked in and hit him on the head with a rolled up newspaper.

—

Three years later

At the start of ninth grade you had your first boyfriend, his name was Jackson. All of the girls liked him and you should’ve been excited to have a boyfriend who was popular, but he wasn’t the best boyfriend.

He was in a grade above yours and he liked to party, a lot. He drank, vaped, and fell into the frat boys group, and that wasn’t really your kind of life.

Bradley’s parents had gotten him a small pickup truck and Jake had yet to get one from your mom. You usually rode with Jackson after school, but today you decided to break up. Since you didn’t have a cell phone, you had no way of contacting Bradley or Jake to catch a ride with them.

You walked on the sidewalk and yanked your backpack higher up on your shoulders as a truck stopped beside you and honked, you looked to your left and saw Bradleys green truck. The window rolled down and Jake and Bradley looked at you like you were a ghost.

“Y/n, what the hell are you doing walking on the side of the road? I thought you were riding with Jackson?” Jake yelled over the cars honking at them and passing by.

“Jackson doesn’t give me rides anymore.” You said.

“Get in.” Bradley called to you as Jake got out and opened the door for you to get in on the bench seat. You slid in and put your book bag in your lap as you thanked Bradley who was beside you.

“Why doesn’t Jackson give you rides anymore?” Jake asked angrily as he slammed the door shut.

“We broke up.” You said as you played with a loose string on your book bag.

“Why?” Bradley asked.

“I know why, he’s a good for nothing asshole.” Jake spoke for you.

You sat quietly as Bradley drove off once you were buckled.

“He didn’t hurt you did he?” Jake asked, still sounding angry.

“Can we please not talk about it right now?” You stared down at your lap.

“No, Y/n, you tell me now.” He grabbed your shoulder to try to get you to look at him.

“Jake! Knock it off, man.” Bradley looked at him.

“I just want to go home, please.” You whispered. Jackson had small anger issues sometimes, at parties, when he was drunk, he would get angry at you for not drinking with him and force you to drink. You hated the taste of alcohol, that wasn’t how you wanted to spend your high school years.

Once you got to Bradleys house you got out silently on Bradley’s side and he grabbed your book bag for you. “Are you okay, Y/n?” He softly asked you as he noticed your face was red.

You nodded, “Yeah, thanks.” You reached to grab the bag from him but he held it higher, “Do I need to have a talk with this, Jackson?” He raised an eyebrow and asked.

You smiled and shook your head, “No, Bradley, but thanks again.”

-

Four years later

“Have you talked to Y/n lately?” Bradleys mom asked him as she made supper.

He raised his head to look up at her from the kitchen table, “Um, no not lately. Why?”

Carol shrugged, “I don’t know, it’s not like she was over almost every day and suddenly she just disappeared.”

Bradley nodded to himself, “Well, she is a bit younger than I am.”

“So?” Carol asked.

“So…I don’t know.” Bradley couldn’t think of words.

Carol sighed, “Boys are so oblivious.”

“Oblivious to what?” He asked.

“You’ll figure it out one day.”

“Can’t you just tell me now?”

“Nope, it’ll make its way there.”

Carol always watched them two grow up together. When Bradley ran to Y/n when she fell and scraped her knee when she couldn’t keep up with him and Jake in a game of tag. When she cried when her mom was having one of her episodes, he was there to listen to her.

Carol knew bradley was always keeping an eye out for her. And she knew there would be something special for them in the future.

—————————————————————

[luckymikaela]

mini lookbook: kids edition #1

Here’s a fun list of facts about the kids I thought I’d share: – Tomoe is completely obsessed with mangoes—so much so that she insists Audrey make her the same mango cake every single year for her birthday. 🥭 – While Shiho has always liked Tomoe, he’s grown to absolutely adore Sebastian. He’s constantly mimicking him and tagging along—he’s basically part of the family now. Whenever Sebastian shops for the twins, he always picks up a little something extra for Shiho, too. – For the longest time, Riku was so confused about why Sebastian looked more like him than Yuto. 🤔 – And finally, Touka has a habit of catching bugs and proudly bringing them home, much to Audrey’s horror. Whether it’s a beetle in a jar or a grasshopper cupped in her hands, Touka never misses a chance to show off her latest find, grinning ear to ear while Audrey scrambles away with a shriek.

[grumpyghostdoodles]

Got bored and started thinking of your utdr au and how much I love your art, frisk and chara are so very gender to me and I was wondering if you could share some more facts about the au? (　＾▽＾)

Yes hello, I was stupid and read the ask wrong, and wrote a full page of facts about the dreemurr kiddos on my au. So now i have that XD

And im so glad that Frisk and Chara are so gender!! I adore drawing those goobers so much.

Have some random dadyrus au facts!:

• Papyrus is a good cook!!! And Kris will eat anything, so they never minded if his dad experimented with food, they’d always eat it.

• Kris hates their eyes. They’d rather have their face in their face than to show them.

• Papyrus tried to read a bunch of parenting books, but Kris is so genuinely goddamn weird that he still doesn't know exactly how human children work.

• As a kid, Kris once cached a gigantic grass hopper, and begged to adopt it. Pap’s doesn’t know how to take care of grasshoppers, so he lied and said that the grasshopper had to go to their own home bc their wife and baby grasshoppers were waiting for it. It worked, so shh

• Papyrus almost fainted when Kris broke their arm. Its incredibly horrifying and uncanny for skeleton monsters to see broken bones.

• Kris has no friends, they only hang out with their cousins. And lately, they have been going out of their way to avoid them.

• Papyrus is very worried for his kid. They used to be so curious and eager to play, but ever since they’ve gotten closer to finishing highschool, Kris just stays in their room, or going out alone, they stopped openly communicating with their dad. Something is wrong, and Paps doesn’t know how to fix it.

• Kris loves his dad so much. Pap’s has always been the best dad ever.

• Both Papyrus and Kris are autistic!

• Mettaton already thought papyrus was super cute, and once he realized he was a DILF, it was all over, hes head over heel for papyrus.

• Frisk has taken notice of how Kris is avoiding them. Frisk has also taken notice that ever since Kris has started hanging out with Susie, the timeline started to feel...weird. Almost as if the player is back…

• Papyrus adores Susie, she reminds him of Undyne, so hes extremely glad that Kris made friends with her.

• Susie basically started to live at Paps and Kris house. They already had a pullout mattress for when the Dreemurr cousins stayed over, so it was as if it was made for her to move in XD

• Chara taught Kris to play the piano! And Chara also babysat Kris a lot growing up.

• Papyrus has to keep a spray bottle with water when he bakes, to spray his kid away, bc otherwise Kris would eat whatever raw dough he was making with animalistic fervor and get salmonella. AGAIN.

• (Yes, Kris has gotten salmonella. No, they don't regret it, that coconut cake batter was so good) (Yes, they ate the whole bowl) (Yes, they threw up)

• Papyrus and Kris do puzzles together, so Kris really likes doing puzzles, just lilke their dad!

• Kris learned about Sans legendary sock stunt, so they superglued a suck to the floor of their room to prank their dad. Newsflash, superglue glues stuff, so they cant remove it without damaging the wooden floor, so now Kris permanently has in their room a sock superglued to the floor. Papyrus was not amused, Sans thought it was hilarious and drove them to mcdonalds as a prize.

• Something is happening to them. Something is making them talk, making them move. Theyre scared...But, that something is also making them a hero, just like their cousins and his amazing dad were, what they wanted to be all their lives…

Let me know if you also want the Dreemurr kids facts list, and ill post it as well XD

[swapmeetsimming]

EA 06/03

Public 06/24

We went with a coffee theme, and made drinks and desserts.

The theme this month was for Coffee!

12 drinks and 3 dessert recipes - all original meshes and hand-drawn textures.

Releasing today are the full lot of drink recipes. 12 in total.

Fun, bright Lattes in a retro-style glass!

Butterfly Pea Flower, Pink Velvet, Mocha Biscoff, London Fog, and Dark Chocolate Grasshopper(no alcohol).

3 Darker, a little more elegant drinks in a smooth square glass.

Cookies and Cream, S'more, and Tiramisu

And 4 cute wafflecone drinks!

Cappuccino, Matcha Latte, White Chocolate Strawberry, and a cute Hot Chocolate with marshmallows. The Hot Chocolate is available for kids to drink! They can use the espresso machine by them self, but a teen and up can make one for them ^^ All drinks can be made by accessing the new Drinks category in our cookbook and Tablet!

Next is our fancy desserts - all three require the Gourmet skill. 3 for Affogato and 5 for the Tiramisu recipes.

Affogato.

Vanilla gelato, Espresso, and a shot of liqueur. We used amaretto, but since there are no bar-drink buffs, or alcohol in the used ingredients, you can also give it to your non-drinking sims.

Custom Ingredient tray and cooking Phase. Full LODS.

Classic Tiramisu

Mascarpone, Espresso-soaked Ladyfingers, and Cocoa Powder are the base for this classic recipe.

Custom phases. FUll LODS.

White Chocolate Raspberry Tiramisu

Mascarpone,Ladyfingers, Raspberries, White chocolate, and a light dusting of powdered sugar. The large servings are on a crystal cake stand, that would fit into a home or your bakery/cafe!

The desserts can be found under the Desserts category on our cookbook and tablet.

_________________________________________________________________________

Background Music by HitsLab / Ievgen Poltavskyi from Pixabay! Thank you! As usual, all simlish fonts used were made by the super-talented @franzillasims! Here is their Tumblr! Thank you!!

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

Please consider supporting, or simply following us on Patreon, or on other social media. We're on Bluesky, too. Thank you. :)

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kofi

@swapmeetsimming.bsky.social

[gallusrostromegalus]

Funky Muguruma Kensei AEIWAM headcanons? Spare serotonins with the blorbos? /j Also what's AEIWAM Mashiro like? She's one of the only characters I genuinely get annoyed by in the canon oof

:)

So the friendship between Kaname and Mashiro is one of my favorite things in the fic so far. Have a spoilerific Scene (Part 1 of ?)

Crickets and Grasshoppers

Scene One of ??? Approximately 7K words Fluff that goes South and won't get (sort of ) better until part 2, warnings for body horror, referenced torture and Emotionally Devastating Betrayal

:)

It was Tuesday November 5th, 1901, Scheduling Day in the Ninth Division and Mashiro was standing in front of the vending machine just down the street from the Ninth, choosing her armaments for the coming battle. 

In other divisions, the actual drawing up of rosters was the job of lower-seated officers and the specific parts of the Division they were responsible for.  Tousen’s friend Komamura has told her once that the 7th Division’s schedule was so predictable, they only looked at the roster once a year when people retired or were hired. A fascinating concept to Mashiro, who listened to Komamura’s tales of the 7th with the rapt fascination of an anthropologist privileged to hear the folklore of distant and largely unknown people. 

The Ninth was… complicated for the sake of simplicity.  Information did not move the same way people did, and while the seventh could pass an inbound soul from the Intake Team to Queue Management to the Registry Office, passing an information project from one subdivision to another was a great way to lose said project. So instead of projects moving from subdivision to subdivision as they reached different stages, subdivisions went from stage to stage, following projects. 

This meant scheduling had to be done every month, but it beat the hell out of a major archive loss or communications failure. 

And it meant that Snackage was in order. 

Mashiro surreptitiously glanced over her shoulder to make sure Captain Muguruma was still overseeing drills in the courtyard, then selected 37 cookies, chips, snack cakes, bottles of pop and juice and other goodies from the machine and paid out of the Division Purse.  

Kensei, bless him, was a deeply honorable man who was so reliable you could set a watch by him and would probably cross actual Hell to help a friend, but he did not understand scheduling, much less the kind of caloric requirements it held. 

-- “You’re just sitting there!  What do you need all that for?” He’d asked her once.

“The brain’s the most expensive organ to run in terms of calories.” She’d explained, rolling her eyes and opening a bag of Barbecue-flavored corn chips. “-I know your brain is a plodding cart horse, but you can’t do scheduling.  You need my thoroughbred racehorse brain, and it needs snacks!”

He’d given up with a disgusted groan of defeat, which was good, because the other reason she needed the snacks would have actually made him snap.  -- Mashiro shoved the snacks into her backpack, checked that Kensei was still distracted by drills, darted back across the street where he might spot her, ran around the back of the division, and jumped up to the third-floor window that had been left open for her. 

“The level of subterfuge this perfectly normal administrative process requires…” Fifth-seat Kaname Tousen groaned from where he was lying on the floor, partially under his traditional low desk. 

“-Is half the fun, you dork!” Mashiro giggled, closing the window after her as she climbed in. “All the autumn stuff is in the shops and vending machines now, and I made sure to get every persimmon-flavored thing they had just for you!” She grinned down at her chosen assistant for scheduling. 

The other purpose for the snacks was Bribery. 

Kaname Tousen was, by Mashiro’s estimation, definitely the smartest person in the Ninth Division, and possibly in the entire Soul Society.  If the world was a fair place, he’d be lieutenant and she’d be fifth seat, but the world wasn’t a fair place and in the week between Graduation with every honor Shin’o academy had and starting as the 9th Division’s 20th seat, Kaname had been struck down with some sort of horrible spinal infection that damn near killed him, made him miss his entire first month and a half of work, and left him with occasional bouts of crippling pain, like today, when he’d decided to risk worsening Kensei’s already low opinion of him by doing his work lying flat on his back on a hot pad. 

Kaname’s services as a Brainiac were much in demand and his availability highly limited, so Mashiro guaranteed her place on his schedule with confection-based compensation.

“I mean, Kensei’s a mean old sack and that’s not great for the division too, but the spy shenanigans and scheduling snacktime really is like, The Highlight Of The Month sometimes.” Mashiro shrugged, flopping down on the floor beside him and  dumping the snacks out between them. 

“Captain Muguruma’s sense of discipline is intense but very necess- ow. Yeah, that’s not happening.” Kaname sighed, laying back down from trying to sit up. “-He’s a good man.  Difficult, sometimes, but a good man.”

“You’re way too nice for your own good. Here’s the Persimmon castella cakes.” Mashiro grunted, handing Kaname the small package and the payroll notes to read. 

Kaname groped across his desk for a clipboard, attached the payroll notes to it, propped them up on his stomach so they were balanced on the edge of his desk, and laid all the way back down, face pointed at the ceiling rather than the notes.  Mashiro opened up a packet of Amakara rice crackers, watching him with interest as Kaname took off his goggles. 

The goggles were what convinced Mashiro he was the smartest man in the Soul Society.  Kaname had been born totally blind, but he had figured out how to mount a pair of tiny cameras in the frame of a pair of safety goggles, which were connected to… he’d explained that the little bricks behind the opaque white lenses of his goggles contained something like an obscenely long and complicated Kido spell that spotted readable characters, ‘read’ them, and turned the resulting text into words that played out of the tiny “Microphonogram Speech Players or ‘speakers’ “ hidden in the legs of the goggles.  So he could read pretty much anything printed with enough contrast (and decent enough handwriting, Captain Urahara) because his goggles would read it aloud for him.  They were much slower than most people read, and sometimes he had to stop work to “charge” the spell that made them work, but they worked a damn treat, and had the added advantage that Kaname himself did not need to be looking at the thing he was trying to read, only the goggles.

So now he unwound the coil of wire that connected the Kido brick to the microphonogram, placed the ‘speaker’ back in his ear, and set the glasses on his chest so he could read the notes while keeping his back and neck pressed to the hotpad. 

True Genius, that.

“I love how the cameras wiggle.” Mashiro grinned, watching the two lenses shift and dilate as they focused on the notes. “They move the same way cicadas and grasshoppers shift their eyes independently to focus. It’s so clever to have them operate like that.”

“Hm.  That was Kakiyo’s design, not mine.” Kaname smiled.  Kakiyo was his adopted and now-deceased sister.  “She was always more of an entomologist than me.”

“Weird that you ended up with Suzumushi the cricket for a Zanpaktou then.” Mashiro pondered.  She liked Suzumushi- that sword, and her own Musabori Kuu Batta (Devouring Locust) were two of less than One Hundred insect-type Zanpaktou in the court guard, and fewer still that weren’t butterflies. She couldn’t really see Suzumushi- no shinigami could perceive another’s Zanpaktou Spirit- but she could hear Batta’s half of the conversation the two would chirp to each other sometimes.

Kaname paused from opening the persimmon cake packaging with his teeth. “...Yes. Bizarre.” he said, with a rueful finality that Mashiro took as her cue to change the subject.

“Right. Where are we on the Agricultural Practices census?” She sighed, pulling the active projects list and next month’s calendar out in front of her. 

“Maegawa-san has requested travel permissions to-” Kaname replied, flipping through the pages, the goggles faintly reading off names as he tracked them with his fingertip. “Ah, ‘pull the damn report out through the East 36th Daimyo’s nose if I have to’, which I think we can call a requisitions expense rather than reconnaissance. Unless you think Lieutenant Fon would enjoy the catharsis as well.”

“She WOULD, actually, that girl is wound tighter than my grandpa’s pocketwatch.”  Mashiro nodded, placing the card for “3rd Seat Maegawa” in the “Out Of Office” Pile. 

And so it went for a pleasant hour, eating snacks and solving the five-dimensional time, space and payroll puzzle of scheduling, with Kaname helping her keep track of the process and who was not supposed to be doing overtime or couldn’t be trusted to work with someone else or on maternity leave or whatever. 

“Alright, I think that’s nearly everyone sorted…” Mashiro muttered, going down the list of all 200 division members to make sure they’d made it onto the roster. “Oh wait, we didn’t put you down!” She giggled. 

“I believe my schedule should be identical to last months while we are still doing data entry into the archives, but I do have a request- May I have this coming Friday off?” he asked. “I have an engagement.”

“Who’s getting engaged?” Mashiro teased, erasing him from the roster that day.

Kaname tilted his head a bit, pointing his ear at her with a conspiratorial smirk. “...Can you keep a secret?”

Mashiro blinked at him in surprise, then gasped with delight and leaned in  “Cross my heart and hope to die!” She whispered back, giggling. 

Kaname regarded her for a moment, teasing. “Love- Captain Aikawa has finally worked up the nerve to propose to Lieutenant Yadomaru.”

Mashiro made a noise like an asthmatic teakettle as she tried to not shriek with delight and deafen Kaname as well, rolling onto her back and kicking her legs in the air with excitement.

“-He wants it to be a surprise though, and Lisa is always going through his bag for his water bottle or whatever at kendo practice and she will notice if his schedule changes, so I need to duck out during lunch today and pick up the ring for him to propose with on Friday.” Kaname elaborated.

“A conspiracy!” Mashiro balled her fists with excitement. “When? Where? Can I come?”

“You got an invitation to Captain Kyoraku’s next moon-viewing party, right?”  Kaname asked and she nodded.  “It’s then.”

“EEEK!” Mashiro giggled with delight. 

“What’re you two giggling about?” Kensei grunted from the doorway, still sweaty from training. 

“It’s a SECRET!” Mashiro glared imperiously, sweeping the snack wrappers out of sight off the desk as Kaname sat up with a small grunt of pain and bowed his head in salute.

“Whatever.” Kensei rolled his eyes. “Tousen. Read your report on the dodgy census statistics and possible disappearances in West 66 and I think you’re right.  Something stinks on ice out there.”

Kaname gasped sharply with relief and bowed his head in gratitude. “Thank you, Sir.”

“I gotta attend a captain’s meeting this afternoon because Urahara has some harebrained new project to show and tell-” Kensei continued, glaring at his battered fingertips where he’d caught a bokto the wrong way during training. “-Saw that Maegawa is gonna be in East 36 and Fukuda’s on maternity leave, so I’m sending every seated officer from you to 15th seat Shizawa out there to investigate and deal with it.  You all need to be at the Kido Corps for teleportation at three. Mashiro, don’t burn the place down.”

“OH COME ON!” Mashiro shouted with disappointment. 

“HEY! No backtalk!  I know you wanna go but someone’s gotta hold the fort-” Kensei glared down at her. 

“It’s not me!  Kaname has to- I mean-” She sputtered, abruptly remembering his request for secrecy.

“It’s alright!” Kaname tried to smile but ended up grimacing at her as he got up. “I’ll just go get it now and it’ll be in my pocket when I get back!” 

Mashiro glared at him for a moment, but sat back down. “Okay. I guess.” She pouted. 

“Get what?” Asked Kensei. 

“A surprise for Captain Kyoraku’s moon-veiwing party!” Kaname grinned at him as he collected his belongings into his satchel by touch.

Kensei pondered that for a long moment, glaring at Kaname. “...How’d you score an invite?”

“Captain Aikawa invited me along.” Kaname explained over Mashiro’s offended scoff. “We were roommates when we were at the academy and he has very kindly kept inviting me along to things despite my not really being able to keep up with him anymore.” 

Kensei regarded him a moment longer. “Huh.” he eventually decided. “Well, see you when you get back from the investigation.” He waved, dismissing Tousen.

“Thank you Sir.  Lieutenant Kuna.” Kaname bowed before jogging off. 

“See you later Kaname-kun!” Mashiro called after him.

“-Even if he won’t technically see yo- OW!” Kensei yelped as Mashiro clipped him sharply under the ear. 

“Why are you so MEAN to him!?” Mashiro glared up at her captain as he rubbed his jaw. 

“I’m not mean! I’m just- it’s just office banter!” Kensei growled back. “I can just not like a guy and still be colleagues with him, okay?”

“No, apparently you can’t!” Mashiro “You’ve been really hard on him and getting on his case and teasing him since day one!”

“-More like day thirty-two, he missed the first six weeks of his appointment.” Kensei grumbled.

“That was literally FIFTY years ago and he was in the HOSPITAL. BECAUSE HE NEARLY DIED!”  She bellowed, probably loud enough for Kaname to hear in the street but it didn’t matter. “Yeah, it sucked, but it wasn’t his fault! I don’t get why you were mad at him back then, and I really don’t get why you’re still mad about it NOW!”

“I’M NOT MAD ABOUT THAT, I JUST-” Kensei bellowed back but then stopped, hand over his mouth. “...He keeps secrets.”

Mashiro stared at him blankly for a moment, face slowly collapsing from bewilderment into disgust. “OH. MY GOD. You’re the one always going on about operational security!  He’s just careful- all the details are in his summarial reports, if you ever read them…”

“I do!” Kensei barked. “And they’re-  I mean, All the information he’s required to fill out is there, and then some.” He sputtered, deflating. 

Mashiro leaned in close, eyebrow cocked at him. 

“...But I keep getting this feeling it’s not the whole picture.” Kensei muttered. 

“Ugh!” Mashiro shouted, throwing her hands up and turning away. “So you don’t like him because you have bad reading comprehension?”

“Shut up! I don’t- there’s just something off about that guy! He’s always taking weird days off-” Kensei started, ticking off a list on his fingers. 

“You mean the sick days from his spinal infection?” Mashiro glared, arms folded across her chest.

Kensei continued to count his grievances “-and taking secret calls in weird corners-!”

“You mean privately scheduling his medical treatment? For his spinal infection?” Mashiro continued to glare.

“-And getting him to go to the fifth or third division is like pulling teeth! What the hell is up with that?” Kensei demanded.

“You mean the divisions that have A) Lieutenant Iba, the woman who has a weird horoscope-based personal grudge against him-” Mashiro asked, mimicking Kensei’s earlier counting, “-and B) Lieutenant Aizen, who also keeps forgetting he has a spinal injury and slaps Kaname across the shoulders every time they meet?  Yeah, I don’t blame him for wanting to avoid two of the most annoying people in the whole court guard!”

“Whatever.” Kensei waved her off. “I’m still right. There’s something off with him. Now get that roster updated and posted!”

“Yes, sir.” Mashiro groaned, rolling her eyes at him and stomping back to Kaname’s office for the Roster.

***

Kaname hadn’t felt this light in years. 

Oh god.

Oh, GOD!

Please, please, please please let this be happening?

He sprinted down the road, back towards the apartment that he and Sajin shared, the small box with Love’s ring in his chest pocket.  He allowed himself an ounce of elation- After all, I am just a young man who has picked up the engagement ring of one of his best friends!  It is exactly what anyone would expect to see-

That was the tricky part of The Curse. 

He couldn’t talk about it, like many curses, but it had the added complication that anyone who looked at him- or listened to him, or put their hands on him, or- 

Well, they’d only find what they expected to find. 

Certainly not a curse. 

But curses cut both ways- The broader and less specific a command for someone bearing a curse was, the harder it was to enforce, and it was harder to come up with a command broader and more open to interpretation than “Help Me Kill God”. So as long as Kaname could argue to the curse that an action did “help” some aspect of Aizen’s plans, he could be inefficient, neglect to mention something important, do an assigned task sloppily, fail to cover his tracks and so on-  Sometimes Other times, the curse would take effect and cripple him until he relented and obeyed Aizen’s command again. Or at least, managed to convince Aizen he was doing what Aizen wanted. 

Aizen hadn’t quite realized it, but he was also subject to his own illusions, and there was a gap- a mirror image, if Kaname understood mirrors correctly- so long as he appeared as Aizen expected, Aizen wouldn’t notice him sabotaging Aizen’s machinations. So for the last three years, Kaname had done his best to appear tired and overworked and failing from exhaustion rather than malice, or like he was starting to agree with Aizen, which is exactly what the narcissist expected after fifty years of mental, physical and spiritual torture. 

It was finally  paying off. 

He’d managed to make the kidnappings Aizen and Gin had been conducting on the villagers of West 56 appear by conducting a census that showed the discrepancy of expected versus actual population.  -And made sure the increased hollow activity in the area from Aizen’s experiments showed up in the 10th Division’s monitoring statistics. - And the weird waves of reiatsu visible on the 12th’s monitoring equipment- not what people expected to see, but by keeping all the evidence noticed by unrelated parties, he kept it out of the scope of Aizen’s Illusions. 

Kyoga Suigetsu took a lot of energy to operate, and Tousen was pretty sure Aizen could only passively fool about 150 at a time- he chose mostly his own division and people he saw daily, like his neighbors and cross-division colleagues, and could only actively alter the reality of maybe 20 people at once- the other captains and a few key would-be witnesses.   So a rural census-taker, and two members at the bottom ranks of other divisions weren’t actively subject to the illusion. 

He had to do it on faith, that someone would notice-

Kaname felt like he’d been holding his breath for weeks now, doing his best to tell Aizen and the constantly-itching nails in his spine that this was a Perfectly Normal Database Cross-referencing project- very boring, but it will be missed if it’s not done, Lord Aizen- and nothing to draw attention to the horrible Laboratory…

…By some miracle, Mugurama had read the report, understood and believed it- Kensei had a naturally suspicious mind, so Kaname made sure the report was full of “It's entirely possible this is all a weird coincidence!” to make him suspicious.  The curse only showed people what they expected to see, and for once, Kensei’s natural pessimistic expectations allowed him to see the truth. 

24 hours.  That’s all I have left.

The only people in the Ninth Aizen had under his Active Influence were Kensei and Mashiro, so he wouldn’t be able to hide the nature of the laboratory from the investigation team without dropping the Active Illusion on someone else and risk discovery- and so long as Aizen didn’t find out about the expedition, he wouldn’t know to make that shift in time.

24 hours. I only need to keep Aizen distracted for 24 hours. 

In Aizen’s personal quarters, The Distraction Apparatus waited.

Aizen was mistaken to force Kaname to do his lab work for him- Kaname understood it better than him now, and had pulled aside a little trick to confuse him. The Hogyoku bonded with its user, almost like a zanpaktou, and communicated with them- it purred when Aizen fed it, and whined when it was hungry.  Aizen knew about Suzumushi’s Bankai- he’d insisted Kaname develop it under his supervision, so he would know of all Kaname’s abilities.  But he only knew it from the inside, and hadn’t realized that not only was anyone inside blind, deaf and without any form of sensory input, neither could anyone on the outside sense anyone within. It was worth it to break Suzumushi like that. It was actually her idea, to break the guard of his Zanpaktou and separate the ring from it.  That’s where the Bankai was stored, and with a hell of a lot of practice, he’d learned to cast it remotely.

It had been months before he had an opportunity-  Kaname would never forgive what had been done to that poor angel, but during one of the The Sessions where Aizen was using the Hogyoku to change the angel, Kaname was able to get ahold of the little Illusion box Aizen kept the infernal device in, Secure Suzumushi’s ring to the floor, disguise the tampering with a false floor, and return the box to it’s place without Aizen’s notice. The Ring had been waiting there for months.

24 hours, and the secret will be out. 

He’d memorized Aizen’s schedule- in 22 minutes Aizen would be entering the reiatsu-locked laboratory of the 12th with his own Captain Shinji for Kisuke’s Demonstration, and would not be able to feel Kaname activate his Bankai. When he came back out, it would seem like the Hogyoku had vanished. And for all Aizen would be able to tell, it had- he wouldn’t be able to perceive the Hogyoku or it’s illusion box until Kaname released his Bankai. 

So for now, Kaname acted exactly like Aizen would expect him to act- a little tired, a lot in pain, but elated that two of his best friends were getting engaged, and that he’d be able to help. That was a natural source of excitement, and definitely not any kind of counter conspiracy-

Kaname jogged down the stairs to the apartment, ring box in his pocket, heart hammering, hands shaking a bit as he took out the keys to unlock his door, grabbed the knob that was not there and was suddenly off balance and falling- Into something soft and steady that carefully picked him up like a child’s doll and set him back on his feet, gently taking his hands.

“Are you alright?” Sajin asked, soft, deep voice tinged with concern. “My apologies, I was just trying to do some house cleaning while the weather is mild and had the door open for ventilation.”

“Y- yeah! I’m. I’m alright. Just- distracted. I’ve had some good news!”  He grinned up at his friend. 

“Oh?” Sajin asked, tugging lightly at Kaname’s fingertips to indicate he should step inside.  “Mind your way, I have all the chairs out in the living room so I can sweep.”

They had been living in this garden-level apartment for the forty years since Sajin had followed Kaname into the court guard, and under the same roof at the Akaido City Library for many years before that, and their domestic arrangements settled into a comfortable and comforting routine- Kaname was incapable of seeing grime, so Sajin did the housekeeping, and Sajin would eat raw, expired meat if left unattended, so Kaname did the cooking and shopping. 

Kaname followed his lead, hand reflexively on Sajin’s instinctively proffered arm to keep balance while he unbuckled and took off his boots- the gestures of proximal intimacy had calcified into a secret language between them.

“Thanks-” Kaname stood up and stepped in with a guiding hand on the wall. He could normally navigate the apartment by memory alone. “-I’m only here for a few minutes, I’ve also got a deployment I need to pack for.”

“Deployment?” Sajin asked, following after him, voice slightly muffled from the cloth mask he wore over his face- at least when the door was open.  Being mostly underground had it’s advantages- Kaname didn’t need much light and Sajin possessed almost superhuman darkvision, and the small, high windows that were obscured by bushes gave them enough Privacy that Sajin could relax and keep his face bare at home. 

24 hours.  

Maybe. Maybe when it all came out, and the dust settled--Assuming they don’t hang me alongside Aizen, which was a big If--But once it was all said and done and I still draw breath- Maybe I will have the courage to ask Sajin what it is he feels he needs to hide.Surely, he is far too gentle to be half so monstrous as he claims.

“Kaname?”  Sajin prompted, and Kaname realized he’d been silent for nearly a minute. “S-sorry. I just. Captain Muguruma finally read my report on West 66 and ordered and immediate investigation, so I have to be at the Kido corps by three-” “Kaname.” “Ah, No don’t worry,  I’ll get dinner prepared so you only have to put it under the broiler, and There’s um-” “Kaname.” 

“-I’ll be back by Friday for Love and Lisa’s- Right- Here, I need you to-”  He sputtered, dozens of ideas baying for his attention at once, patting his chest for the ring box- “Kaname!” Sajin snapped, and his giant hands were on Kaname’s shoulders again, turning him around in place to face his friend, gloved hand suddenly under his chin, holding his face up for Sajin to glare at. “...When was the last time you slept?”

“I’m fine!” Kaname tried to jerk back, laughing defensively. 

“You’ve gone to bed after me and gotten up before me, if you went to bed at all for at least a week, and I’m doing maximum overtime. You don't have bags so much as matched luggage under your eyes and can’t finish a sentence coherently.  You’re not touching anything in the kitchen.” Sajin rattled off, giving Kaname’s chin a light shake. “...it’s not yet eleven, and the Kido Corps is less than ten minutes from here. I’ll see to your packing. Lie down. Please.”  

Kaname sighed, shoulders slumping. “Sajin, I- I need to-”

“You need. To sleep.” Sajin rumbled, no room in his voice for argument.

Kaname panted for a moment, realizing that if Sajin wasn’t holding him in place he’d be swaying with exhaustion. 

24 hours.

…I can spend one or two of them resting. 

If I don’t manage to prove my innocence, I’ll want to have at least this to think about on the gallows.

“...Stay with me until I fall asleep?” Kaname asked, voice soft. “It’s just. It’s been a lot.” “Of course.” Sajin hummed, rubbing his cheek. “I also need to, ah- use facilities, first.” he grimaced, and Sajin let him go. 

“I’m coming in after you if I think you’ve passed out on the floor.” Sajin threatened. 

“That happened ONE TIME-!” Kaname protested, following the wall to the bathroom.

Once inside, he checked the time again. 

If the meeting had stuck to schedule, they should be inside the 12th’s labs now.  

Kaname sent Aizen a test message to his Soul Pager. 

> Mandatory Status Report: Muguruma handed me a sudden assignment. Won’t be back until Friday.

If he was outside the Reiatsu-locked lab, that missive would have Aizen furiously calling him in under five minutes. He timed it, relieving himself and washing his hands as he waited-

Nothing.

“Here goes…” he muttered, hoping the sound of the bathroom fan and the running water would cover his voice. He focused, feeling the silver ring start to rotate in his mind, the way it multiplied and stretched, the rings dancing a circle on that which needed to be concealed-

“-Bankai.” He whispered, skin tingling- 

-And suddenly he was keenly aware of the hogyoku and it’s illusion box, as though he were holding it, both wholly contained and hidden by his Bankai.  

It is done The distraction is set. In a few hours, all will be revealed to the rest of the court guard. There. All I need  to do now was follow the assignment like I was told and investigate the- the-

-He suddenly he felt the Bankai’s draw on his power and he collapsed over the sink, retching and knees shaking with how weak he felt. The skin on the back of his neck prickled and almost tasted like vinegar in the back of his mind,  high-pitched ringing between his ears. 

The nails sizzled ominously but there was no power behind it- It’s alright- I can- I can deal with this. Just breathe, come on dumbass, you just need to keep breathing for another 24 hours.

“Kaname? Sajin called.

“Nothing broke!” Kaname called back, forcing himself to his feet and stumbling back against the wall.  He tested the Bankai again- It holds. Very convenient of you Suzumushi, that I only need to cast and feed it, rather than concentrate…

Suzumushi chriped distractedly, her focus on maintaining the Bankai. With her concentration, the illusion would hold even as he slept. Cold water on his face and neck, trying to make himself vaguely presentable and the room stop spinning as he stumbled out- oh, Sajin is right here, how thoughtful of him…

“It’s alright, just follow me…” Sajin soothed, guiding him along to the Thick Futon and large collection of pillows they used as a couch- nothing with legs would bear Sajin’s weight for long. He allowed Sajin to pull him down, settling beside Kaname until he was wedged between Sajin’s giant body and the collection of cushions, head on his friend’s chest, listening to his heartbeat- A little slower than mine, and steady- always so steady- so- 

Kaname was asleep before he completed the thought. 

---

Scene two: 23 hours later

“It’s just up this way Mister Shinigami!”  The boy said, his hot little hand pulling Kaname along. 

They’d gotten to West 66 and Kaname had realized he’d been wrong to worry about looking like he already knew the way to the Laboratory- Iruka Village had taken some fairly extreme defensive measures against the kidnappings since the last time he’d been forced out here- Barricades errected, bridges taken out, and even the road torn up and replanted to hide the route to the village. Kaname was entirely turned around before they even set foot in the Village and started asking the peasants if there was anything unusual nearby.

Fortunately for the expediency of the investigation, one Young Shuuhei Hisagi was extremely eager to help, giving them a detailed accounting of the strange activities at the old foundry, where someone had turned one of the kiln’s back on and there was “An ‘lectric” generator and it smelled a lot like someone was cooking rancid pork but he’d never seen anybody there, even when he went into the basement because he wasn’t ascared of it, weird that there’s a basement, nobody makes basements here as it’s a swamp-

Kaname felt his skin go cold when he realized the boy had somehow gotten inside and made notes and even poked some of the machinery, but given he hadn’t tried to actually chew Kaname’s arm off as he lead the Ninth Division Investigation team to the Lab, he was probably uncontaminated…

“There’s a hill an’ it’s on the other side- mind the branch.” Young Shuuhei was one of the great tragedies of the poor parts of the Rukongai- whip-smart and observant and thoughtful, but illiterate from the lack of teachers, and likely destined for an early grave if the statistical average lifespan out here held true.  His Reiryoku shimmered at the edges- with a little training and a better diet he might even make for a good Shinigami. 

Maybe if I live through this I can get him a scholarship.  Kaname mused, trying to think about literally anything but the nauseating familiarity of the smell creeping over the hill. 

“Mr. Hisagi?” he asked in the polite voice he’d cultivated as the Head Librarian to indicate to children he was taking them very seriously.

The Boy snapped to attention. “Sir?”

“Thank you for leading us here, but I absolutely cannot allow you any closer. It’s extremely dangerous here-”  he started to explain.

“I been in before! An’ the door’s trickylike you gotta pull the handle up and in and rattle it to get in and then prop somethin’ in the gap or it locks back behind you-”  Shuuhei explained, gesturing  like Kaname could see him demonstrating. 

“-And you were lucky to get out in one piece! I also need you to do a very important job.”  Kaname sighed, familiar with this kind of kid- slightly too bright and kind-hearted for his own good, but reliable at a task- “-I can hear that some of your friends have followed us from the village.  They’re about a quarter mile behind us-”

“Dangit Suichi-!” Shuuhei muttered under his breath. “-Yeah that’s probably my little brother and his friends. You want me to go chase him back home?”

“Precisely. Also, tell everyone to get indoors and stay put until they get an all-clear.  Just in case something goes wrong, I need everyone to stay safe until re-enforcements arrive.  So go get everyone back home and inside, alright?” “Yessir!” Shuuhei snapped a salute and Kaname heard some of the other Shinigami giggle behind him.

“I’m glad I can rely on you.” He nodded, and shooed Shuuhei down the road. The boy took off, hollering for his brother.

“I didn’t know you were so good with kids.” Laughed Sixth Seat Todo Izaemon. “Cute little thing too-”

“Being in charge of the West 51 Children’s Intensive Literacy School teaches you how to get along with them.”  He shrugged. “Alright, I can’t sense anything, but that doesn’t mean danger is not present.  Even numbered seats- go west and approach from the north. Odd numbers, we go east and approach from the south.”

“Sir!” Izaemon nodded, the next ranked officer. 

Kaname approached the building at a crouch, straining to hear- the brief nap Sajin had insisted on and six-pack of illicitly acquired 4th Division “Stamina Supplements” were doing what they could for him, but everything  hurt and Suzumushi’s Bankai was even more draining than he’d anticipated and he could barely sense more than a few feet around him. But he found the door- Shuuhei was right, the Handle was starting to go out of alignment- Up and in, right? Yeah- and when nothing behind it exploded, he cautiously stepped in. 

“Nobody ran out our side Sir!” Izaemon called and Kaname acknowledged him with a nod. 

“What the hell IS this place?” Seventh-seat Akishita asked, looking around the room.  This was the main floor of the laboratory, where the bulk of Aizen’s butchery was done- the whole place reeked of rotting flesh and sulfur- byproducts of the ‘Hollowfication Process’, and Kaname very nearly tripped on a groove gashed into the floor that hadn’t been there last time. 

“That looks like an office or control room up there-” Kaname said, pointing to the partial second story that took up the west third of the building that he REALLY hoped was still there. “-Akishita, with me. Lets see if there’s a schematic or something.”

“Sir!” She agreed. 

Oh good, it is still there. He thought, trying to not pant with pain- oh god, his eyes were burning and spine felt like it was actively dissolving he was so TIRED- He touched his watch, checking the time again. 

24 minutes.  Come on, just a little more-

He got to the door at the top of the stairs, Akishita behind him. 

“Are you alright Sir?”  She asked.

“What?” He jerked towards her. 

“You seem… really off today.”  She frowned. He could sense the shape of her this close, and the way her hand on the hilt of her Zanpaktou. Maybe just resting, maybe not. 

“I- I haven’t been sleeping well. Nightmares.” He gulped. That was actually entirely true.  Still the nails sizzled louder and he winced. “-I -I might need to put in for sick leave when we get back.”

“You really should.  You look awful.”  She nodded, hand off the hilt. 

Kaname nodded, and carefully opened the door into the control room. He felt Akishita turn, making sure nothing unexpected followed them as he stepped in- no traps, but a strange sort of coldness- not a draft, like a there was a block of ice in here-

The door slammed shut behind him. 

“Heya Goggles!” a boy’s voice drawled behind him. 

-Or a snake. 

Kaname froze, skin going cold as Akishita called for him from the other side of the door.

“Gin?” He asked, trying to keep his voice even.

“She’s right, you look like shit!” the boy laughed, activating a Kido seal that barricaded them in the room.  “-Boss sent me to talk to you because the CRAZIEST thing happened at the Captain’s meeting this morning!”

“-Please tell me Urahara’s latest crime against nature maimed him?  I could use some good news.”  Kaname groaned, complaining like usual, like nothing was wrong. There was more shouting from the main floor. He braced himself, feet under his shoulders, feeling Gin’s aura twist as he decided on an angle to strike from.

“Oh nah, Aizen-sama is wrapping things up and planting evidence over at the 12th right now, that’s why I’m here!” Gin laughed. “No, Your Boss Muguruma stopped everyone before Urahara’s demonstration to tell everyone about this report you submitted sayin’ several hundred people had vanished in West 66!  The other haoris were all horrified, I tell ya- Captain Hirako just about shit bricks!  Hollerin’ Aizen-sama’s ear off about it the whole way back to the fifth!”

Kaname gripped Suzumushi’s hilt.

“Oh now don’t be unfriendly!  I even got somethin’ for ya!” Gin laughed, and tossed something his way. Knowing better than to catch anything he threw, Kaname waited for it to hit the floor-

PING!

-Stomach turning over as he recognized the metallic chime of Suzumishi’s ring. 

“Neat trick by the way- Aizen must have spent ten hours turning over the fifth looking for the Hogyoku!!” Gin laughed. “-He didn’t actually find it neither, if it’s any consolation. But he has me, and I got…Abilities.” The boy leered as Kaname Swiped the ring from the ground- Suzumushi had been strangely quiet, and only now did he realize that at some point the sensory illusion of his Bankai had been reversed. Louder yelling from the main floor and the sound of Akishita preparing a Hakudo Kido to blow the door in on the other side. 

“-Shit.”  Kaname growled, reconnecting the ring to the hilt, Suzumushi whimpering in pain. 

“Madder than a mosquito in a mannequin factory he is!” Gin chuckled, then surged forward. Even on a good day, Gin was nearly impossible to block and tonight-

“-Sorry goggles, but I got orders. Rikujokoru!” he hissed fingertips on kaname's sternum, and Kanane was slammed to the ground, six beams of Kido energy hitting his middle, paralyzing him completely. “Aizen-sama says if you can get outta this and get home you can live, but if I’m honest, I don’t really like your odds-” Gin explained, walking over to the control panel and flicking it on, the machines whirring to life and something rumbling beneath them. 

…Basement. Kaname realized. The boy said there was a basement- there wasn’t one last time?

There was a loud hissing as vents opened and gas streamed out of the floor into the main room, the sickening scent of rotting fruit comingled with melting plastic- The Hollowfication Compound? It’s a gas now!?

The shouting turned to screaming.

Oh God.

The screaming turned to roaring. 

Oh god, no. Please-

“- 'Specially not now.” Gin leered, patting him on the shoulder as he turned to leave. “Bye-Bye!  See you tomorrow-! …Maybe.”

Kaname could hear Gin leaving out the small fire window up at the roofline and he struggled, concentrating his reiatsu in his mouth to speak the counterspell- “-Horses of wind and gale, river of thread- 

-Akishita screamed in the hall, and there was the terrible wet sound of tearing flesh and breaking bones-

“- By Shadow and storm, unbind me!” He hissed, and the spell dissipated with the loud sound of shattering glass. Kaname scrambled to his feet, standing up in time to feel the gaze of ten newly-turned hollows fall upon him. His watch pulsed against his wrist, the timer for 24 hours Going off. 

“Well. I did say it would be over one way or another, didn’t I?” He grimaced, drawing Suzumushi as his former colleagues charged the plate glass that separated them. 

---

Part two approximately whenever I finish it :)

[vegan-nom-noms]

St Patricks Day Recipe Collection! For more St Patrick Day recipes click here.

Top Row:

Grasshopper Pie

Matcha Macarons

Mint Matcha Smoothie

Middle Row:

Mint Chocolate Chip Ice Cream

Matcha Crepe Cake

No Bake Chocolate Mint Slice

Bottom Row:

Mint Chocolate Cupcakes

Mint Chocolate Cookies

Thin Mint Truffles

[miasmaghoul]

*ahem* edelweisss, edelweisss . . .

Swiss leans in the doorway to the common room, arms crossed over his chest, tail idly swishing behind him. He's been here for a few minutes now, left his book dog-eared on his bed with the intent of grabbing a snack. He'd found the kitchen occupied, though, and the smile he wears is exclusively thanks to the sight before him.

The kitchen is a mess; the small island is occupied by an ancient stand mixer and a few dirty bowls, while the counter lies covered in open containers, half-empty ingredient bags and not-small pile of used measuring spoons. The scent of sugar, citrus and something floral hangs heavy in the air, and Swiss can feel the heat of the oven from across the room.

At the center of the mess, though, lies what holds Swiss' attention.

Mountain's humming, swaying in front of the stove along with the album playing on the common room turntable. Something jazzy Swiss recognizes but can't name off the top of his head. Whatever it is, Mountain is clearly lost in it while he rather vigorously stirs something Swiss can't see. What he can see is the smattering of floury handprints covering Mountain's jeans, and the streak of something pale yellow that's somehow ended up in his hair. Swiss can only imagine how much worse Mountain's front must be, but there's one more detail that keeps him from wondering too hard.

The few delicate white flowers that have made their home at the base of Mountian's antlers have Swiss' eyes crinkling. He'd know those pale petals anywhere.

Swiss pushes off the doorframe and drags his feet just loud enough to announce himself. Sneaking up on Mountain in the kitchen doesn't usually end well. He sees the other ghoul's ear flick, sees him pause in stirring, and Swiss feels safe to speak.

"Thinkin' about me, grasshopper?"

Mountain peers at his over his shoulder, raises an eyebrow. Swiss gestures at his head as he strolls into he room, and Mountain rolls his eyes as though he can see his own antlers. He makes a chuffing sound and resumes his mixing, but Swiss doesn't miss his little smirk.

"Might be," he replies with a half shrug. "It's happened once or twice, against my better judgement."

Swiss laughs as he hops up onto one of the bar stools at the island, one leg tucked up under himself. He rests his elbow on one of the few clean spots by the mixer - the remnants of whatever Mountain has in his hair sits in the bowl closest to him, so Swiss picks it up and gives it a sniff.

"What's on the menu today, peaches?" Swiss swipes a fingers through a blob on the side of the bowl. Gives it a cursory sniff.

"A lemon and lavender cake," Mountain supplies, just in time for Swiss to pop his finger into his mouth and find out for himself.

The batter is delicious, sweet and tart and wonderfully smooth. Delightful on all counts. Swiss isn't surprised; Mountain is as good a cook as he is a messy one, and judging by the splotch of egg yolk Swiss can see on the ceiling this has been particularly inspired session.

"Fancy," he says, gathering another bit of batter. "If you need someone to taste when it's baked, my mouth ain't busy."

Mountain snorts, and together they say,

"For now."

Swiss playfully tosses a dirty tea towel at his back, and Mountain catches it without even looking. Tucks one corner into his pocket while his tail meanders towards the fridge.

"Already baked," he says, nodding towards the appliance while his tail tugs it open. The middle shelf holds three identical rounds of cake, the loveliest shade of yellow speckled with what must be flecks of lavender. "You'll have to wait for the finished product, I already trimmed them down. For quality control. You know how it is."

Swiss nods sagely. He slides from his stool and wanders over to the stove, humming when Mountain's tail sways up to greet him, the tufted end caressing his jaw. Swiss leans against the counter, and now he can see what Mountain is working on.

"What's, uh," he waves at the odd arrangement on the stove - a pan beneath what appears to be the stand mixer's bowl, which must contain whatever Mountain is tirelessly stirring. "What's this all for, then?"

"Frosting," Mountain tells him, lifting what turns out to be a whisk. "Eventually."

Something thick and gooey drips from the whisk and immediately gives Swiss several indecent thoughts.

"Don't say it looks like cum," Mountain says before Swiss can so much as open his mouth.

"Wasn't gonna," Swiss lies, tongue poking out between his fangs. Mountain gives him a look. "I wasn't!" Swiss insists, pushing away from the counter. He slips behind Mountain instead, wraps his arms around the taller ghoul's waist. Swiss kisses the back of his shoulder. "But I was gonna ask if that was why you were thinkin' about me."

Mountain barks out a laugh.

"Gross," he complains, but his tail wraps around Swiss' calf all the same. "But you're actually half right." Swiss makes a questioning sound, and Mountain points a thumb behind them. "Look at the recipe."

Swiss will, eventually. He indulges in holding Mountain first, just for a moment. Presses his nose to his sweat-damp shirt and breathes in the the homey scent of warm earth and something herbal. It blends beautifully with the lemon and sugar surrounding them, makes him feel a little fuzzy around the edges. He gives Mountain a squeeze, and stands on his toes to kiss the back of his neck before he lets go; another soft, white blossom pops up behind Mountain's ear.

Mountain picks up humming again while Swiss hunts for the recipe he mentioned. He piles dishes as he searches, stacks bowls and gathers measuring spoons. He finds it after a minute, an index card stained with vanilla and sticky with egg.

"A-ha," he holds up the card triumphantly, a light dusting of flour raining down from it. "Let's see what got you growing me."

Swiss wipes the card on his pants, and recognizes its looping, cursive script as Cumulus' handwriting. Lemon lavender layer cake with -

"No fuckin' way," Swiss says through a laugh. He looks up to find Mountain watching him with a glimmer in his eye. "That's all it took?"

"Yep," Mountain sighs, turning back to the task at hand. "That's all."

Swiss stares at the back of his head for a beat, and then the goofiest smile cracks his face. He tosses the card to the counter and returns to his place at Mountain's back, wrapping him up just a little tighter this time.

"Lucifer, you're a sap," he teases, but they both know it's true. Swiss reaches up and plucks one of the flowers decorating Mountain's antlers, spins it between two fingers. "Not that I'm complaining about bein' on your mind."

"Neither am I, edelweiss," Mountain rumbles. He briefly abandons his dutiful whisking to turn and knock their horns together. "Neither am I."

Mountain ducks down just enough for Swiss to catch him is a leisurely kiss, one that tastes like summery sunshine, and then he's gone again. Leaves Swiss grinning dumbly at the back of his head while warmth trickles into his belly. He settles against the taller ghoul's back, and in no time at all the pair of them start to sway to the music as one.

"So," Swiss murmurs into his shirt after a long moment, "what's a Swiss meringue buttercream, anyway?"