#grandma takes everything i do for her for granted again

[gender-euphowrya]

old people really were raised on the idea that their descendants were just future caretakers for them and never fucking learned to think otherwise

[starsofarda]

Ok, since @starshadeemilyart has inspired me, here's a spinoff, or several, of my post about the Finweans + Thingol in the Shire in the Third Age. Also PLS CHECK HER ART, IT'S FEFE FIGHTING LOBELIA SACKVILLE-BAGGINS!!!!!

Anyway, here's what I have to offer.

It's VERY long, so I am putting this under cut

MAGLOR'S HOBBIT EXTREME MAKEOVER

Well, as seen in my OG post, Maglor gets picked up on the way to Hobbiton. He is wearing shabby black robes and has seaweed in his hair, bc by now he IS the beach cryptid everyone talk about. At least, Hobbits know of him and treat him like we treat fairies.

It is a bit of a surprise for the Hobbits to know that he is technically a prince and lord and whatnot, and they take a good look at him and then at his brothers/father/cousins/uncle/whoever is Thingol and decide that the local cryptid needs a makeover. The Hobbit Way.

So Maglor gets gently bullied into following the Hobbit ladies, who insist that "This is for your own good, Mr. Cryptid, no gentleHobbit wears seaweed in their hair, also what is the last time you had a proper bath?"

They have to find the biggest bathtub ever known to Hobbit, which they do.

It takes the Hobbit ladies a good 5 hours, interlaced with Maglor trying to say "but my ladies, I have male body parts, you surely would be ashamed!" and "you really do not need to extend your kindness to me", to which he gets a "we have seen it all" because they are elderly grandmas who think the Cryptid is their child or something and have had countless kids and grandkids, and also "once again, it is for your own good!".

Well. Maglor comes back all cleaned up and dressed head to toe in Hobbit fashion: white shirt, red vest, navy coat and black trousers, hair neatly tied in a low ponytail (the grandmas had been waiting this moment since the first time they saw Maglor Being a Cryptid).

Feanor has to commend the grandmas, he offers to repair and rebuild everything they need, but he gets shushed with a "it's nothing, we were planning that for years and also you gave the nasty Sackville-Bagginses a run for their money and that's more than enough".

They also polished Maglor's harp properly.

The contrast with the Elvish robes the others are wearing is a bit jarring, but they all agree that it's an upgrade from "Seaweed Elf". They also commend the use of red, which is actually the family color (the Hobbits did not know that, they just thought it would fit him).

Later on Maglor will keep the Hobbit fashion, albeit slightly more adapted to himself and to Elvish customs.

RUSSINGON WEDDING

Yes, I mentioned Russingon Shire wedding and @starshadeemilyart made a brilliant piece on that, pls check it!

Anyway.

Fingon is called "The Valiant" for many reasons, but I am 1000% sure that in this context he is The Valiant for proposing:

Publicly at the Green Dragon

In front of all Elves and Hobbits

In front of his own father Fingolfin

Most importantly in front of Feanor himself.

Yes, Mae said yes. Of course he did, there was a lot of hugging and kissing and crying.

Yes, both Fefe and Golfin wanted to go kinslayer mode on their own offspring, but the assorted cheers from the Hobbits, consequent flower throwing and cousins/siblings joining in shenanigans stopped them.

Well, now the wedding is on. The family starts arguing over EVERYTHING.

From the robes to wear, to the circlets, to the jewelry, to the wedding rings, to the venue, to the food and drinks.

IDK if you have in mind the Reddit posts about the most inane arguments over a wedding. Yep, that's the Finweans.

Russingon NEARLY regret saying anything, plans to just elope are being drawn. That until the happy couple is dragged away from the drama by the Cottons and surrounded by Hobbits who have also dragged Bilbo out of his Hobbit hole for his (granted, very limited) knowledge about Elvish customs.

Mae and Fingon kindly fill in what they remember of their own parents' weddings and indeed the groom&groom's families have to participate somehow.

F&F get threatened on letting THINGOL organize the wedding and they would rather face Morgoth again than let him do ANYTHING for the wedding of their own offspring.

The Hobbits will supply food and drinks and venue, they are adamant about that. And ofc the suits/wedding rings for Russingon. Things are going great.

Curufin gets to build the altar and the decorations together with Feanor, Caranthir is in charge of the budget, Argon, Amras & Amrod are the ones spreading word and invites around the Shire. And ofc EVERYONE is going to show up, it's an (C)EventTM.

Celegorm helps hunting/gathering the beasts for the banquet, Maglor is in charge of the music - he has to be reminded that it is a JOYOUS event tho.

Fingolfin gets dragged away by Thingol and the Gaffer to take care of the flowers. No way they are letting any micromanaging maniac near the happy couple.

I have no idea of what Turgon does, but it's definitely in the "organizing the invitees list and the guestbook" area.

Gandalf supplies the fireworks.

The wedding is a blast, Fefe and Golfin get to bring their sons to the altar. Paladin Took, the Thane, to officiate the wedding.

It's a beautiful spring wedding, at the end of which Russingon get to ride off to their honeymoon into the sunset.

They come back and find a fully built house for them - Curufinwe and Junior had a lot of free time. It's a mix between an Elvish palace and a Hobbit hole. Russingon loves that to bits.

THINGOL AND THE GAFFER

Well. Thingol, amidst the Finwean shenanigans feels a little left out, until he spots the Gaffer tending to his garden. And he gets sad, because he is missing Doriath, he is missing his wife and he is missing everything.

So much loss over a rock.

Well, not even the spite bet done when Feanor fought Lobelia went well. But he knows gardening quite a lot, his wife was a Maia dammit! And the Gaffer is struggling with some sort of invasive species of weed that's killing his roses.

And he's like "my wife was the best, I know a thing or two, may I help?" and the Gaffer is like "yeah sure, I tried everything, the bloody weed keeps appearing, I am out of my wits."

And Thingol manages to draw out whatever power/knowledge he has left and the weed disappears in a couple of weeks. He and the Gaffer bond over gardening and Thingol becomes a lot more chill, but not chill enough to say sorry about the Silmarils.

Thingol loves pipeweed. The gardens in the Shire bloom beautifully and it almost looks like Doriath is there again. He does have to tone it down a few notches to not attract Sauron's servants tho.

Even the Finweans love and appreciate what happened with the gardens. Ofc they would love for him to say sorry about the Silmaril, but that's never gonna happen.

Thingol becomes the (second) best gardener. He lays down his crown for the farmer's hat. Somehow the Gamgees are blessed with everything needed to let nature grow and the strength and resilience needed to last an eternity.

CELEDHEL WEDDING

And well. If the Russingon wedding was not enough to send Feanor and Fingolfin's blood pressures to ungodly levels, now Aredhel and Celegorm arrive in front of them saying that they are getting married.

They both are about to say something when Turgon stands up in all his height and proclaims: "THESE TWO DO NOT NEED YOUR BLESSINGS BECAUSE THEY ALREADY HAVE MINE. i WOULD RATHER HAVE CELEGORM AS IN-LAW, THAN THE WRETCHED ELF WHO DEFILED MY SISTER."

He also adds that maybe having Celegorm as father figure will help Maeglin be less depressed when he gets re-embodied.

The only complaint Celegorm has is that Huan will not be there. When questioned about Huan, he responds that it was the name of his dear dog.

At the word "dog" Old Maggots gets summoned. He is bringing a puppy with him, ofc of the age when puppies can be on their own. He presents the puppy to the Elf. "It ain't magic, or trained yet, but if I lost me dogs I'd be called Mad Maggots! Hope your ladywife loves dogs too!"

And Celegorm looks at the puppy, looks at Old Maggots, picks up the puppy and presents it to Aredhel with teary eyes. "LOOK WE HAVE THE RINGBEARER! I AM ALREADY IN LOVE WITH THIS VERY GOOD BOY!"

And Aredhel looks at them both and sas "aw of course! He's going to be the best boy and ringbearer!"

And they both think it will end there.

Oh how wrong they are. The dog is being named Huan II and Celegorm spends time with him And Aredhel to train him properly, whilst they wait for the second wedding drama to unfold.

Tasks are distributed more or less in the same way as the Russingon wedding, this time however Fingon distracts Maedhros from micromanaging EVERYTHING.

Ofc groom and bride are dressed in Hobbit fashion.

Paladin Took is there to officiate once again.

The banquet however is a RIOT. There is a lot of drinking and dancing, if watching Celegorm and Aredhel stomping happily on the ground can be defined dancing.

It is there that finally Fefe and Golfin find it in their heart to get along. Like, properly get along, no more fighting unless it's petty small stuff and no more insulting each other.

Right before the wedding Namo decides to make Maeglin being re-embodied, he gets picked up by Gandalf, taken to Hobbiton, cue family reunion and being filled with anything happening. At least Maeglin is happy that his mother is actually marrying because she wants to and she is happy.

---

That's what I have so far. I have something cooking for Curufin and Celebrimbor, but I still have to elaborate on that.

[artsy-moonwalker]

A new fairy among the fountain.

Let me get a little personal.

My first introduction to the legend of zelda came to me when I was around eight years old. I was at my grandmother’s house, and noticed she had Mario 64 in her basket of n64 games. I was already a big Mario fan and wanted to play it, but my grandma insisted that I try out something different. So she put me on Ocarina of Time.

Ever since then, to be fully dramatic, it changed my life. That moment is so very special to me. Zelda has become my most favorite piece of media and was rooted that way since I was a little kid. My childhood would be completely different if I was never introduced to it, and I can’t imagine who I would be today without that spark of adventure motivating my life for all those years. It brought me comfort, creativity, warmth, inspiration, etc. etc. etc… I could go on all day. I would never change a single things if it meant not having the cherished memories I have with each Zelda game I’ve played.

But very recently, the person who introduced me to the series as a kid left us.

And when I returned home that day, the world spinning, my head numb, the only thing I could think of doing was playing Ocarina of Time. She loved this series. She loved the fantasy and the magic and the characters. She loved every aspect of it, especially the fairies. She even called herself one. I think I played oot that day because I wanted nothing more than to feel her presence once again. To bring out the thing her and I bonded over the most. Our strongest shared interest. I can’t begin to thank her enough for everything she gave me. The butterfly effect is SO real. And her gift of a childhood full of adventure is one I’ll never take for granted.

And now that enough time has passed, I like to think she flies among all of the fairy fountains in every version of Hyrule.

[critter-of-habit]

When I watched the new What If episode with Peggy & Nat I immediately thought of you, your art, and what your reaction would be. Especially since it was kind of a retelling of Captain America & The Winter Soldier.

What are your thoughts on the episode?

Seeing as you asked, I WILL TELL YOU MY MANY THOUGHTS. WITH PICTURES.

under the cut for length lol

First of all, as usual the animation, particularly the lighting, was incredible. Also the effects! The explosions, smoke, everything. Always blows me away how much effort and love these animators put in to What If.

I love that it's Winter Soldier based because by god do I love that movie - but I also love that it's so very different to my AU cos that means I can keep going with it lol.

Okay here we go with the highlights - Blatant flirting and showing off:

This???:

Just how in sync they were with every fight scene - even in the Battle of New York when they had only known each other for a few hours.

HEY LOVELY. LOVELY:

Angst. And how soft Nat is here:

"Hey, Peg. I got you."

Natasha's inability to sit in a chair properly:

Peggy making a star wars reference and Nat calling her out on it like .. Nat you RECOGNIZED the reference you're a nerd too

"You know I always wondered how you got all those GI Boys to follow a woman into war: question answered." ie. "I'm so into you right now":

This Natasha stabbed Dreykov to death with a corkscrew and I love her for it.

Natasha instinctively putting herself in between Peggy and Steve even though they're both twice her size

I've already mentioned but, the choice to focus on Natasha's face in this scene:

Nat's face here:

Natasha only getting taken down by the robots because her gay-Peggy-focused-ass gets distracted when Peggy runs off to protect Steve: (I'll come back to this point later as a negative)

MELINA.

Was anyone else looking to see if Yelena was there

"Let's unpack that later, shall we?"

"I don't know whether to kiss you, kill you, or dissect you." "Let me guess, all three?"

I bet the Captain Carter film was baby Nat's gay awakening lol:

Melina's glorious slo-mo "grandma, it's me, anastasia" coat drop:

Peggy running to save Nat T_T

These shots:

Nat wearing the same outfit from Winter Soldier:

Natasha "too-loyal-and-infatuated-for-her-own-good" Romanoff going along with Peggy again to look for Steve without even being asked. (in stark contrast to the end of Winter Soldier when Natasha did not go with Steve to look for Bucky, I might add)

New reaction image:

Peggy and Nat calling and reaching out to each other when the portal opens and ALMOST making it - then Natasha punching the ground in desperation T_T

These two look SO COOL and I can't wait for the 1602 episode.

Negative points:

Rehashing Ste/ggy all over again - we already HAD that and it was endgame, why do it again?

As much as I adore Natasha's intense loyalty, it's very one sided in this episode and I'm wondering if that's intentional. Peggy is hyperfocused on Steve and leaves Nat behind to run after him multiple times, even though he is in an entire suit of armor and is FINE and Natasha is the one actually getting injured. Then she's leaving at the end without saying goodbye to go find Steve again (despite there being no reason to think he's alive? he EXPLODED??) even though Natasha just went through a trauma too and shouldn't be abandoned. Kinda feels like Peggy is taking Natasha's always being there for granted and I really hope it's addressed in following episodes (though I doubt it will be - it'll just be Steve focused again -_- )

Okay I think I'm done. This was a LOT I'm not sorry I've been waiting for more content for SO LONG I can't wait for the rest of the episodes to rip my heart out and stomp on it :3

[alfreyes]

Happy Korrasami 10th anniversary to the one and only @thewillowtree3 thanks so much for making this secret santa possible and I hope You like this.

Korra's Gift

Asami groaned frustrated as she threw yet another paper ball to the pile in the garbage can, she closed her eyes and covered her face with her hands.

If anyone were to walk into her office right now, they would assume the bright CEO was having trouble with her company or maybe struggling with one of her latest inventions but that wasn't the case. What had Asami so angry was none other than Christmas, more specifically, The fact that Christmas was one week away and she hadn't figured out what to get for korra.

This wasn't like the previous gifts, this was Asami and Korra's First Christmas together, The Avatar, who usually liked to spent it with her family since it was one of the few days she didn't had to be in the Air Temple or Republic City, had decided to stay and spent the holidays with her and they were even gonna be completely alone since Mako and Bolin were taking their Family to Zaofu to see If their grandma would like to live there until they could return to Ba Sing Se, even though the lady had made it crystal clear that she was very comfortable at Sato Estate.

So Asami was determined to get something really meaningful for Korra this year, something that proved how much the woman meant to her, something no one else could give her...

But what?

'This shouldn't be nearly as difficult as it's proving to be' thought annoyed the woman as she removed her hands from her face and started pacing around her office once again 'You're the owner of Future Industries, you Can literally buy anything and everything Korra wants on the spot' but of course one of the many things Asami loved about Korra was that, unlike many people before, she wasn't with her because of her money, everytime the business woman pulled over with an expensive car she designed or flexing The Future Industries airship it was never because Korra asked her to so this was a problem she couldn't buy her way out of.

Maybe she could make something for Korra? No, she had done that before and Korra rarely used her inventions.

"It's quicker to use my glider, less traffic, you know?" she had told her with a wink when Asami asked why she never used the car she got her.

So no, those weren't an option either and besides what could you invent for the woman who Can control the four freaking elements? Maybe she could just buy another park and make a statue of her? No, she had already done that.

"Alright, lets see" she told herself as she kept walking. "Korra is a more practical giri, so maybe it doesn't have to be a material gift, maybe I could take her somewhere special" she stopped and considered it for a moment with a smile "YES! That's it! and we could do something special too! Something we don't usually do like dancing or star gazing or..."

She remembered a few weeks ago during one of their dates where Korra complained that Republic City didn't have a proper place to Ice skate, something she used to do with her father and Naga during the winters.

Ice skating

'I could do that' she thought excitedly. Granted, she had never even tried it in her entire life but how hard could it be? She had flied a hummingbird mecha suit, that she invented herself, a little bit of Ice skating shouldn't be a problem, right?

But soon a little bit of doubt grew in her, what If she tripped? What If the Ice beneath her broke and she fell to a cold and horrible death? Or worse... What If she made a fool of herself infront of Korra?

She looked at the clock and at the calendar on the wall. She had exactly 6 days and about 12 hours to learn how to Ice skate gracefully enough to flabbergast her girlfriend from the southern water tribe.

Senna, Korra's mother, had once told her that If she ever needed anything all she had to do was ask her, she could ask her and Tonraq for skating lessons. But what about work she couldn't just leave everything on a whim... Again.

...Or could she?...

Maybe this was indeed a problem the CEO could buy her way out of after all.

It was Christmas Eve and Korra waited patiently, or as patient as she could at least, at the empty Sato Estate.

About a week ago Asami had hurriedly told her she had to go due to an emergency meeting with some importante clients from the fire nation and assure her that she would be back for christmas eve but ever since she had no news from her, The Avatar was getting worried when finally yesterday she received a letter from Asami telling her to be at her house in the morning. It was almost noon now and there was no sign from the raven hair girl.

Finally a few minutes later a familiar blue car pulled over and Asami came out of it.

"Hey there, sorry for the waiting, the trip Back took longer than I expected" she explained as she hugged Korra.

"Don't worry about it" said Korra nonchalant "so what's the big plan?"

Asami smiled but didn't answer instead she went for a backpack in the car and grabbed Korra's hand as she guide her to one of the many planes she had in her hangar, Korra couldn't help but smirk at her girlfriend, even though Asami had never told her, Korra knew how proud The woman was of her little collection.

During the fly everytime Korra asked where they were going Asami gave her vague answers until finally Korra recognized the surroundings

"The southern water tribe?" Korra asked not used to watching her home from up there since she usually arrived by boat.

"Yep, I figured we could come here without Avatar duties or business meetings for a change."

They landed in a spot slightly far from the town, with a huge Iced lake where they could perfectly see the start of the sunset between the mountains.

While Korra was busy admiring her landscape Asami open the bag and put on a pair of red Ice skates and handed Korra a blue pair, who took them rather surprised

"I didn't know you could skate," she said as she saw the industrialist slide around her with ease.

"There are a lot of things you don't know about me, Korra," Asami answered in what could have been a very smooth way If it weren't for the fact that she almost immediately stumbled a bit and had to wave her arms to recover.

Korra tried to suppress a chuckle at how adorable Asami looked as she cleared her throat and gently took Korra's hand.

The two girls slid around and through the lake for hours, completely oblivious to the peaceful World around them, the only things that mattered at that moment were each other.

All things considered Asami was a pretty decent skater, Tonraq had done the best he could in the little time they had so the woman was never even close to fall as she feared so much and she was able to keep up with Korra even when they weren't holding hands, but that didn't stop the perfectionist inventor to frown and scoff every Time she falter or stumble slightly.

Korra on the other hand didn't really minded that, on the contrary, she found it cute and even looked forward to those moments because she could use them as an excuse to sweep Asami of her feet and hold her close for longer than it was truly necessary, not that any of them complaint about it really.

They kept skating a little longer, talking about everything and nothing, remembering old times and sharing stories of their previous holidays until it was too dark and they had to start a bonfire a few feet away from the lake where they sat comfortably in silence looking at the stars.

"I know it's not Christmas yet but this seems like a pretty good moment to give you this" said Korra cuddling Asami while handing her a small red velvet box, the woman took it and opened it to find a golden necklace with a green gem that matched Asami's eyes.

"I... Uh asked Pema to help me pick it up" said the Avatar nervously after a bit of silence "I know it's not much but well I saw it and it remind me of you and well I swear I spent days wondering what to get you I think I almost drove Tenzin insane with how much I bother him about it but can you really blame me? I mean What do you get for a woman who could buy anything? Anyway listen it's fine If you don't like it, I could always get you something else and..."

Asami stopped Korra's rambling with a loving kiss "I love it, Thank you" she said honestly she then smirked and playfully smacked Korra's shoulder "And you aren't exactly easy to buy gifts either, 'Avatar'. I spent and entire week in this lake trying to learn how to ice skate for you since you would have just throw any gift I make for you"

Korra gasped with fake offense. "How dare you Miss Sato, I use everything you have ever gave me"

"Mention one thing"

"Well uh... You know that um... Thing for the hair you gave me for my birthday"

"A hair dryer, and I've never seen you use it"

"... It's just easier to use Air bend, you know?" Said Korra with a shrug and putting her hand behind her neck "And hey that doesn't mean I don't cherish everything you get me. But you made your point. I guess we're both complicated when it comes to gifts" she admitted as she cuddled Asami again.

"Yes but that's one of the reasons we work so well together, we understand each other, and at the end we always figure it out" Asami said with a smile "Like this, I really loved the necklace" she said looking at it again"

"And I really loved Ice skating with you" answered Korra "I like that we match each other's craziness but sometimes it nice to do this sort of quiet stuff, without explosions and fights"

"Look at you growing up" teased Asami with a smile "Wait until I tell Tenzin you said you enjoy quiet now"

"Shut up" groans Korra while hiding her face on Asami's hair making the raven hair girl laugh..

"Come on, help me put this on," She said, handing Korra the necklace and putting her hair aside.

Korra gently put the necklace on and turned Asami around to face her, "Beautiful" she said without really looking at the gem, too lost in Asami's eyes.

The two shared another kiss as the fireworks from the water tribe illuminated the sky.

"Merry Christmas" whispered Korra with closed eyes as their forehead touched

"Merry Christmas, Korra," said Asami enjoying the peaceful moment.

"...So an entire Week learning huh. Who helped you? Kya?"

"Oh uh actually it was your Dad, but Kya did suggest this lake, apparently she used to bring her partners here but we're not allowed to tell Lin about that" whispered Asami with a giggle.

Once Korra stopped laughing she looked at Asami with a smug face "So it was Dad, he's a good teacher but surely you must have fall a few times anyway"

"Don't even" warned Asami but it was too late.

"Did you faceplant?"

"..."

"OH MY GOD!!!" The Avatar start laughing like never before as she hugged a flustered Asami

"QUIT IT, KORRA"

So much for peaceful and quiet moments.

[coltishcaterpillar]

Unmasked / Platonic!Alastor x Teen! Daughter Reader

Chapter II: Sneaking Suspicion

Summary:

After reading over thirty-one entries, three disturbing pages are brought to light….or the darkness, depending on how Emily wants to look at it.

WARNING: This entire chapter (and probably the next one) depicts a very disturbed, traumatized, paranoid child (who is you, the reader.), who has just lost the person she loved most in the world. A HUGE deterioration in her psyche is seen here.

Look out for: Murder, Mental Illness, Paranoia, Anxiety, Delusions, Cannibalism, etc….

November 12th, 1933

I don’t know what I’m doing anymore, my dear diary. Please, Jesus, please help me find my way back, I’m…I’m shaking relentlessly and the monsters at night won’t leave me alone.

My Pa….he’s not come home in three weeks. I know he will never open that door again, but I wish he would just one last time.

It started with a simple hunting trip. I saw him bringing a large trash bag over his shoulder whilst he was going out, and I just assumed it held his gun and other necessities.

A few hours later, people heard gunshots go off in the area he hunted and now he’s…..

When they opened the bag they found another mangled body….and concluded that my Papa was the serial killer terrorizing New Orleans since 1922.

No, he couldn’t have done anything of the sort. He was a good man. PAPA was a good man. He was. He is.

I read it in the papers…nobody wants to see me anymore. I’ve tried contacting everyone I knew and loved, and they told me to never set foot on their property again, they thought I was involved in this hellish situation!

Anne, James, Elbert, Carol, Mr. Devereaux, Charlotte, Martin…..EVERYBODY has abandoned me!

I wanted to desperately contact Grandma, so I wrote her a series of letters. Her caretaker wrote me a letter back that she went into shock after finding out Pa died, and she’s….well, she’s in Heaven now too.

I just turned sixteen, please. I need my Papa back….my Grandma….

I’ve been in the house surviving off of scraps. I’m afraid to leave again; I don’t want to be shot, I don’t want people coming after me because of what my Papa allegedly did. I’ve lost so much weight, I’m tired, I feel sick….

I’m not ready to be a woman, to grow up, quite yet. I grew up taking things for granted; I thought I would have my family and friends for life. How will I find a job? Will anybody take me in? Can I find a new family?

I’m still here, I’m still here, my dear friend. My beautiful…I’ve not lost my mind, not yet. I’m not crazy, am I? No, no….I’m just….going through some traumatic moments!

I’m hungry….

My stomach is hurting so bad, I’m perspiring and my toes are curled…I need more food. I’ve eaten nearly everything, I have no money to purchase anything else…

Every time it growls, there’s a new tang of pain….

Papa, you would never….you’re a good man, Pa. I love you, I’ll always love you….

Oh, it all makes sense now! Why you never wanted me to see what you brought home, why you were always out late, why you were so secretive…oh, Pa, why didn’t you tell me?! I…I would’ve….contacted the authorities.

Which is what you didn’t want.

I HATE YOU, YOU FUCKING DEMON! HOW DARE YOU BRING THIS UPON ME AND GRANDMA, I HOPE YOU ROT YOU SICK, TWISTED, SORRY EXCUSE FOR A HUMAN-

I miss your kisses and your hugs, Pa. Please….please come back. At least tell me where your grave is so I can hug your body one last time….I’ve never wanted to hear your voice more, whether it be in real life or the radios, please!

Oh my god, what are we having for dinner? I’m starving, Pa….

I have a headache, Pa….please give me some medicine to ease the pain…..

I need you, I need somebody. Anybody. Please….

I never want to see you again. If I ever see you again after this lifetime I will do everything in my power to slaughter you a second time for all the pain that you’ve caused….

I’m going to take a breather soon, my dear friend. I need to let off some steam. I’m….I just need to find an energy source. I’ll be back, I promise.

——————————————

November 13th, 1933

Oh, I’ve found something to eat, finally. It didn’t taste as terribly as I thought, and in fact, it tasted similar to how you cooked our meat, Pa. So tender….so, so, tender…..

The gangster didn’t even see it coming. I don’t think he liked me, he was looking at me like I did something wrong. I hushed him, hushed him well, and said,

“No, no, sir. Why are you giving me that look?? I’m only hungry! I’m just trying to survive! Please don’t let me starve!”

I hated that gaze. That look on his face made me feel like a monster, like I wasn’t justified in my action to cut him into tiny little pieces-

Pa, it’s just like you used to make. I never knew how…similar the meat tasted until now. Why did you do that? To so many innocent people….this man was not innocent, Pa. He was part of a cartel, I was doing this world a favour!

I feel better, I think. My stomach feels more satisfied than it has in days.

I don’t feel any better, though. I just…I just ate somebody….

I don’t know what to do! How is….how is his family going to react when they find this out?! I….I caused him pain, so much pain….

But I need more. I want to live….I have so much goodness to offer to the world, I promise I can be better! I’m not usually like this! I promise to make you proud! To make everybody proud…like I’ve always tried to do!

I know how much I was lacking in performance, I’ve never been cut out for the big leagues, but I am positive I can amount to something! If this world will give me a chance, I’ll be the best version of myself I can ever be. I can, I can! You always said I could do anything I put my mind to, I can do this. I can still be a happy girl and young woman, I can still grow up, I can make new friends. Perhaps I’ll move? Yes, maybe that’s a good idea…

I miss you. I miss Grandma, I miss our talks. The things you would do with me…how you used to sing to me when I was scared of the monsters under my bed, our weekly theatre nights; we’d always go to see Charlie Chaplin, that was your favourite; and it grew to be mine too.

I miss how close we were to each other. We were like….we were like two peas in a pod. We couldn’t be one without the other.

1917, was the year of my birth. How well do you remember picking me up that day? When I was alone, cold, nearly dead…in a dumpster? You saved me.

That’s why….I don’t want to believe you did those things, Papa. I don’t. I have a very strong sense of morality, you know that. I….I can’t fathom you ever being capable of something like that.

I…I don’t think I knew you, Papa. You…

You betrayed me.

Everybody was right, you know. The suspicions people had about you. Anne…she always talked about you with a certain look of fear in her eyes, and I always made the time to defend you to anybody who ever judged.

How was it, that the only person who never saw the signs, was me? The person who lived with you for sixteen years?

Maybe I just didn’t want to believe it.

And now look at what you’ve done. You’ve killed a part of me…you killed Grandma; your mother! I was supposed to meet her up for tea a few days after your death, but time had beaten me to it. What ever will I do, without your love?

I miss you, Pa. And I love you, so very much. But you better pray to the devil himself; that I do not die for another five decades. I won’t be able to hold myself back…from hurting you. And I’ll hurt you bad.

To be hated….to be attacked by somebody you protected, nurtured, loved with all your heart….yes, that’s the pain I want to inflict on you. Your daughter, the person you’d kill for, turning against you.

I love you, Pa, I really do. But….a serial killer will never be somebody I bode well with.

———————

January 10th, 1934

I am sorry. For everything. It’s very frigid out here due to winter, and I’ve been camping outside for quite a while…I can’t feel my legs anymore.

To….anybody I may have scared or hurt, from the bottom of my heart, I am sorry.

[anyasathenaeum]

YAY YAY YAY ITS OPEN AGAIN! Ok so I really really want a part 2 of Vash and his spouse visiting Lina and Sheryl. Maybe they even have a celebration similar to the one Lina suggested? It was so cute and I really want some more! They're such a cute family!

In The End (Part 2)

A/N: Hiiiiii Anon, omg yes! I'm happy to write this for you, I really loved writing the initial fic so here is a part 2! I absolutely love being able to write Vash being granted some peace and surrounded by lots of love :D

Warnings: Potential spoilers for episode 12 of Trigun Stampede, potential spoilers for episode 18 of Trigun, the author taking liberties

"(Y/N), Eri-I mean, Vash, please tell us everything that's happened since you've both left!"

Grandma Sheryl's movements were much slower than they had been the last time you'd seen her, but the old woman was still as sharp as ever. She sat down in her favourite chair, across from yourself and Vash, over the dinner table where you all had shared many a meal.

"Well..."

You and Vash exchanged glances as you both filled Grandma Sheryl and Lina in on your adventures and everything that had happened in the years since they had seen you last.

"And once it was all over, I finally decided I'd been an idiot for long enough and convinced (Y/N) to marry me," Vash finished with a smile, his loving gaze trained on you.

Despite having been married for some time, you still felt your cheeks redden as you smiled at your husband - you couldn't believe Vash had married you to this day. You might've dreamed of marrying Vash before, but for it to have actually happened amazed and dumbfounded you every day since.

"Didn't take much convincing," You admitted sheepishly as Grandma Sheryl and Lina both cooed over the news of your marriage.

"Oh, dears, that's absolutely wonderful! Lina and I both wondered how long it would take the two of you to see sense and realize you were perfect for one another," Grandma Sheryl exclaimed, smiling knowingly between you and Vash.

Both you and Vash felt your faces turn dark red, and you both realized just how blind the two of you had been for years if even Grandma Sheryl and Lina saw the signs of your feelings for one another.

"I'm just mad the two of you got married and didn't think to invite us! And I can't believe you never told us your real name, Vash!" Lina pouted, glaring at the two of you in turn.

"I had to keep my name secret, Lina, for my own safety. And we didn't invite anybody. We didn't have time. We didn't even have a wedding. It was just (Y/N) and I, the judge who married us and the secretary as a witness," Vash explained, his tone gentle as he spoke to her.

"Well, you'll have your wedding celebration here, then, so Grandma Sheryl and I and other townsfolk can attend!" Lina proclaimed, placing her hands on her hips and grinning widely, "Problem solved, and I might even consider forgiving you both!"

This caused you to burst into laughter. Lina was still as feisty as you remembered her being, if not more so now that she was older.

You could see Vash smiling happily at Lina's suggestion, and as the two of you made eye contact, you came to an unspoken agreement - you would have a celebration that both Lina and Grandma Sheryl could attend. They were the closest thing that you and Vash had to family, and if the two of you could make them happy by letting them celebrate with you, then you were doing it, no questions asked.

"Alright, it's a deal," Vash conceded, pulling Lina into a hug and ruffling her hair playfully, "You better help us plan and set everything up, though!"

Sure enough, Lina was happily involved in preparing your celebration with you and Vash over the next couple days, running around and decorating the house with different coloured streamers and flowers and other beautiful things while Grandma Sheryl cooked food for those coming to celebrate. You did your best to help Grandma Sheryl prepare everything, ensuring the old woman didn't keel over trying to make everything by herself.

Soon, before you knew it, the day of the celebration arrived. You found yourself waking early to the sound of Lina banging on your door, shouting something about how you "had to get ready this instant or you'll be late!". Before you knew it, you were surrounded by familiar people fussing and fiddling with your hair and your clothes and everything, getting you ready for your wedding.

"You guys do know I'm already married, right?" You teased your helpers, and they all laughed but continued their work.

When you looked in the mirror, the creature looking back at you was resplendent - truly, a thing of beauty. It moved when you did, and you couldn't bring yourself to believe that that magnificent creature was you.

"Oh, (Y/N)!" Lina cried, coming up behind you to gaze in the mirror, "You look amazing!"

"Thank you, Lina," You replied, hugging her gently to your side as she embraced you back, "Thank you for all you've done, for celebrating with Vash and I. I love you."

"I love you, too, (Y/N)," Lina answered, burrowing into your arms - despite being more grown up, she seemed so young. "Now, let's go! Or you'll be late!"

Before you could make sense of what was happening, you found yourself outside Grandma Sheryl and Lina's house, walking down a makeshift aisle towards the man who had been your husband for a couple years already.

Vash looked handsome as ever, in a suit that was simple but fit him well regardless. He looked like a demigod among mortals, his blonde hair swept back and his eyes shinning as he looked at you. Vash positively glowed seeing you walk towards him, done up and smiling at him with more love than he'd ever seen. He couldn't stop the tears welling up in his eyes as you approached him, looking like an angel, walking slowly but gracefully.

"Hi," Vash whispered to you, his blue eyes welling with tears of joy. He looked at you as if you hung the stars in the sky, as if you were his everything. Because you were. You were Vash's everything, and he would protect you from all the bad things in the world until the end of his days.

"Hi," You whispered back to him, smiling widely as Vash took your hand in his.

You stood together before the officiant, a kind old man from the town, who asked you both to recite your vows to one another. You and Vash both kept it short and sweet, given you had exchanged your more profound vows the day you'd first gotten married, and sealed your "new" union with a passionate kiss.

You could hear cheering from Lina, Sheryl and other townsfolk as you kissed Vash, and the two of you blushed bright pink as you smiled at the small group of people celebrating with you both.

"I love you, (Y/N)," Vash whispered to you as he kissed the back of your hand, "So, so much."

"I love you, too, Vash," You answered, reaching over to kiss Vash's cheek as the two of you walked back down the makeshift aisle.

The rest of the evening was spent among friends, laughing and drinking and eating, everybody happy to celebrate your and Vash's love for one another. By the end of the evening, you and Vash snuck outside for a moment with each other, just the two of you.

"Well, it seems now, at least by Lina's standards, we are officially married," You spoke softly to your husband, who laughed at your comment, his head resting on your shoulder as he hugged from behind.

"It seems so," Vash agreed, kissing the side of your head gently, "We're now Lina-approved."

"The highest honour," You chuckled, snuggling back into your husband's embrace, "So, what do we do now?"

Vash fell silent as he thought to himself for a couple moments, clearly trying to piece together your next steps.

"We live, (Y/N). You and I, together. We live."

[starrrling]

TASK 006: THE TALENT SHOW [ ... encore ... ]

“Actually, wait, can I go again?”

Even at the heights of her alcoholism, Reece had always been sort of a lightweight: she’s been the same height since middle school, and she’s held her liquor like an (alcoholic) eighth-grader indefinitely. Seventh months of sobriety, though, had rendered her tolerance at an all-time-low, and she felt dizzy and warm almost as soon as she swallowed against the familiar burn of the liquor.

She floated her way through the final six performances; she was sickly, shamefully satisfied by the way the heat moving through her cells made everything feel better, exactly like she knew it would. Who had she been to try and pretend that she could suffer through a lifetime of white-knuckled restraint? Not every unloved child could grow up into somebody who’d been worth saving. She was, after all, her mother’s bastard daughter: an aberrant footnote at the end of somebody else’s better story. Why not drink?

After a few minutes, the shot settled, Reece’s cranium loosened, and all of the rest of it went away, leaving behind only the simple, salient question, something that didn’t make her sad at all: Why not drink?

Through Naomi’s knife-throwing, Vikram’s recitation of Pi, Natalia’s dreary Debussy, Reece floated, and she thought, Why not drink? And she didn’t know that she was going to sneak another shot until she did it, and she didn’t know she was going to take the stage again once everything was over until she did it, but once she was up there again, blinking against the light as if she’d woken up there, mid-sleepwalking, Reece understood that the entire evening was irreversible. She’d already stood up in front of everyone again, which meant that the worst thing she could possibly do would be not to make it count.

“Actually, wait, can I go again?” Reece interrupted what might have otherwise been the end of the talent show, not waiting for anyone to grant her permission—she was flailing in the focus, looking out at all of those sets of eyes, spilling irradiance like headlights, auspicious of roadkill. “Because I think I did it wrong, before. With the song. He didn’t even like that song,” she explained, with a derisive snort, as if she and Richard’s ghost and all of them in the room were in on some kind of inside joke at Reece’s own expense. “

I actually have a confession to have instead, if that’s cool, ‘cause I lied before, the other day. Mickey started talking about the last time she saw Richard, and I said the last time I saw him was July—I did see him then, on my grandma’s birthday—that story was true, I mean—but I saw him again, too, after that.”

There had to be some reason that she was telling them this, but she didn’t think it was absolution. She didn’t think. “Last time I saw Richard, it was the first week of August.” She’d made the drive with the brand-new six-month sobriety chip in her pocket—homemade, courtesy of Zelda, a shiny plastic party-store coin with three googly eyes super-glued to each side; one for every month since Reece got sober. “I drove up from Staten Island without calling first, and when I showed up here, he said, ‘Reece, what a pleasant surprise,’ and then I turned and puked on Jerry’s feet, instead. Now, I know what you’re thinking, ‘cause it’s what he was thinking, which is why I told him, ‘don’t worry, I’m not drunk! I’m just pregnant. Also, can I have 500 bucks for an abortion?’ He was quiet for the longest time—like, somebody was on the floor, cleaning my puke off of Jerry, and Richard was still just looking at me. I thought, my God, I’ve finally done it, Mrs. Tristan was right, I’ve given the poor man an aneurysm; I’ve killed him. But then he finally cleared his throat, and he went to get his checkbook. And then he went to get his keys." He'd driven him there himself, Reece silent in the passenger seat, unendurably grateful. "He let me crash here that weekend. And when I left, he, uh—he told me to… to take care of myself, and to… come again soon,” she said, her voice cracking, breaking off, rising up into a reedy, lachrymal pitch. “So, that’s, uh—that’s the last time I saw him.”

[thewholecrew]

@headstrongblake asked: what are their biggest pet peeves? what makes them smile? any hobbies they tried and didn’t take to? / all kids who want

biggest pet peeves:

grant ward - people who talk with food in their mouth, prying questions from strangers, small talk, nail biting

kassy harwell - slow walkers, loud talking & energetic energy before 11am, women being asked about babies and marriage when it wouldn't be asked to men

alec cross - people who get plants but don't care for them, people who like being negative/bringing the mood down on purpose

rev everheart - talking about feelings, touchy people, pda & gossiping

nathan bishop - saying 'i'm not hungry' then eating from his meal lol, pacing while trying to have a conversation

trinity lambert - being overly materialistic, constantly getting the newest phone model, men inserting themselves into conversations no one asked them to

what makes them smile?

grant ward - watching someone he cares about be happy or cute or silly, dogs, happy kids with their parents, teasing him (but also it runs the risk of him blushing so)

kassy harwell - her people, cute animals, jokes that arent quite funny enough to get her to laugh, seeing someone blush, seeing someone laugh, the ocean, the sunset, the stars, someone being cute, someone being genuine/wholesome

alec cross - people in love, flowers, bees, butterflies, his friends, anyone complimenting him, happy families, people smiling, his grandma, cute animals

rev everheart - fighting in the ring, enjoying nature, watching someone they care about (they have to be unnoticed and alone), their brother happy

nathan bishop - pretty much everything from the little things like seeing kids play outside or an old couple, to making people laugh, to seemingly annoying people (in good faith), being offered anything, being trusted, being given a chance, being sneaky, being cheeky, to more important things like making people he cares about happy

trinity lambert - being able to be herself and show her joy freely, someone complimenting her crafts and clothes and trinkets she's made, seeing karma strike someone

tried and failed hobbies:

grant ward - being able to play the piano; he had been taught to play a few songs as entertainment for his parents parties but when he messed up they said forget it and hired someone professional and he never took much interest in it again

kassy harwell - yoga, it was just too relaxing she'd rather just take a nap & doing graffiti; it was a lot of fun but she decided against it mostly because she didn't wish to have a run in with police. i can see her maybe doing graffiti art on canvases instead but it's a thing of the past for her

alec cross - writing & drawing, alec met kassy through art but he was never much good at it and prefers to model for drawings instead of doing it hismelf. he also wanted to write his own romance novels and ocassionally will write little prompts but its purely for himself

rev everheart - when rev was young their mother tried to get them into ballet which they refused and hated, also then was suggested to learn guitar but they do not have the patience and nearly broke it

nathan bishop - reading; growing up nate didn't manage to get a proper education therefore struggles with reading even if he's always fascinated in the stories, he just doesn't have the patience and can become a little embarrassed for the lack of speed and skill. sewing; not necessarily as a hobby he enjoys but he tried once or twice to fix the few clothes he had

trinity lambert - woodworking; trinity loves and wishes to try almost every hobby and activity and skill she can however, growing up she wanted to try building birdhouses and things like that however it was deemed too masculine for her and her parents refused to support it, that along with most sports aside from horseback riding and kickboxing for self defense

[holocene-sims]

5, 13, 22 & 23 for the storytelling ask game, please!

hiii!! thank you so much for the ask ❤️

5. how do your choose your character's names?

by scouring behindthename.com or forebears.io for literal hours 👀 sourcing names first is always my first step, especially because i prefer to use culturally specific names for my sims, and those websites are awesome for looking up name origins and popularity by region. after that, i choose names based on their pronunciation and the vibe they give off. i don't care about the meaning.

also, r/namenerds on reddit is so much fun. i'll look on there, too, mostly if i'm looking to name a character's sibling because a lot of people post lists on there of names with a similar feeling

something else i do as well is i try to incorporate the personalities of whoever would have named the character canonically. like grant's name is joseph, the same as his grandfather's name, because his parents were (1) boring and (2) lazy about picking names

13. from basic planning to finished post, how long does that take you?

tbh it takes me a long ass time because i tend to do all of that at once. like my outline process is literally just a note on my phone listing, in bullet points, the scenes chronologically in one to three words. i wing everything at the last minute and you know, that's served me well so far, so i don't plan to change it

but anyway, my process is usually that i don't make posts unless i can complete a whole scene. i sit down, take all the pics for the whole entire scene, edit them, and then write the script that goes with them. then i'll put it all together on tumblr. a scene that's only one post long might take me a couple hours. anything longer and it'll take me at least a day, sometimes two or three.

the scene that took me the longest was the scene AFTER grant and his grandma go to the arcade and they have that LONGGGGGG chat in the living room. i kid you not, that scene and all its posts took me months to finish

22. choose a favourite character from your story so far

clearly the answer is grant!

but in the interest of being different, my other top favorite character is aoife. first of all, she's just an adorable old woman with a fascinating backstory and personality, but on another note, i love her because of her function in the story. you'll see more of it later as things progress but she's important beyond her very tight knit relationship with grant. she's also important because she serves as his mirror image. she's a whole lot more like him than anyone realizes

23. choose your least favourite character so far

again, the obvious answer is grant's mom mary but that's TOO boring, so let's spice it up again!

least favorite is probably alex (grant's cousin, the one getting married) just because he doesn't have a lot of personality in terms of the story. he's incredibly boring to write for. like it kills me to because i feel like i'm forcing myself to make HIM interesting. he's very boring. now, i will say, his appearances are fun in the end because they have (and will continue to) produce a lot of interesting content for and about grant

stay tuned for that

[diaryofanormalkid]

Irritating coworker rant. 🚩

Today I worked with one of my non-regular coworkers. She was getting on my last nerve. She’s had her shady moments, but today was the day she really showed her true colours.

Let’s start off with, she kept using my tissue box on MY side of my wicket without asking, and reaching over into my space without giving me a heads up, I know that seems small…

But hey, normally she warns me or asks if she wants to use them because I sneeze a lot and my allergies make me have to blow my noise quite frequently. So she knows I need those.

Also, when a hand suddenly comes closer to my face than I’m comfortable with, it’s polite to probably say something or at least ask before just snatching bare tissues, and all day at that too.

Another thing was she bought coffee for herself and my other coworker and didn’t bother to get me anything or even ask. Even when I do and treat them all the time. She made sure I saw too.

Walked right past me hovering around with her coffee as if to show it off to me. I looked dead at her and moved on as if I didn’t clock what’s she’s doing bc why give her a reaction.

I didn’t want to give her the satisfaction of her seeing I was upset, frustrated or non-included for not getting a coffee. I can certainly afford my own coffee, thank you very much.

But she wasn’t considerate enough to ask me, so I kept it pushing. I see how it is. I was offended, but hey I don’t care enough about the 🚩 to let her get to me for something so small.

It’s all the things she does that add up that make me never want to speak to her ever again in my life. But hey, gotta live with her since she’s my coworker. I’ll have to be civil.

Something that also got on my nerves was when she commented on my outfit? Insinuating what exactly? I should’ve asked her to clarify specifically what she meant.

Because why was she mumbling? If she wanted to insult me, she could’ve said it with her whole chest and let her other coworkers know how she feels about me directly and kept it pushing.

The 🚩 wanted to mumble “I think he was too busy looking at YOUR shirt” as if the shirt I’m wearing is inappropriate. Mind you? My shirt is a fitted long sleeve cheetah print turtle neck…

Like I am completely covered… granted it might accentuate the tata’s a bit but if you saw how small chested I am, you would see how much haterade she had coming for me like that.

I was helping a customer and he commented on us not wearing Halloween costumes today. I said “oh it’s not my thing, but she has something Halloween themed” pointing at HER.

However she was behind the counter and he couldn’t see, plus he was hardly paying attention to her so he barely took the time to look before interrupting me.

Anywho, point is, she felt it was necessary to comment on MY outfit now. As if there’s anything wrong with it… now lady if you don’t suck it up your 60+ y/o BUTT with the jealousy + envy

🚩 was definitely projecting her insecurity onto me because she know she can’t pull off NOTHING like this. This lady has the biggest ED energy ever.

She is the epitome of almond mom. Except she’s old enough to be my grandma… okay maybe my aunt. Mind you, she wakes up everyday for walks: healthy.. until you realize how little she eats.

Her combination of eating popcorn (air) and protein bars/shakes as meals for the day have me wondering who hurt her bc home girl takes her food intake so seriously.

I am convinced she tracks cals on an app at home or on a watch or something. She counts her steps and everything. I just know she knows her exact weight to the tee. Always talking about weight.

So I’m ngl when she laughed and said “oh, that’s not very nice. I said that out loud” after making the comment about my shirt, I let that ish slide because I immediately knew it was projection.

Even got my other coworker laughing. And I really wanted to ask “what’s funny?” Bc I know her joke didn’t make any sense to be laughing if she claims it wasn’t nice…

She wanted to say that. Next time, say it with your chest since you cared enough to say it out loud… 🙄 and now adding to that, she wanted to ignore me pretty much the whole day.

From the moment I let her in at work, to the moment she left, she never initiated one conversation with me. Fine by me, but when I say something to you and you act like I don’t exist?

Oh, we’re done. That’s a goner relationship if we even had one. THAT I won’t tolerate. You not gonna treat me like I’m a spec of dust, especially for no reason. You got a problem, tell me.

If not, be respectful, keep it pushing and get out of my way. That’s really my problem with her. Because why go out of your way to cast me out and make me the loner when I didn’t do anything?

She has some deep rooted problems. Never should a 60+ women care that much about a person almost 40 years younger than her. Her daughter is a bit older than me…

I just have to wonder how she would feel if her daughter ever was treated that way. I don’t think she cares, as long as it’s me and not her daughter. She’s always been such a shady 🚩

Especially when my previous coworker used to work here. You could tell they would talk about me behind my back. It was just a matter of what was said.

That’s when I knew never to trust her 100% she always had this distasteful look in her eye. And the way she talks about ppl, if she is telling ME things, you know she’s talking about me also…

Another thing that irritated me is she would always interrupt me while I was helping clients, chatting up a storm and disrupting my productivity.

I knew dang well she was doing it intentionally bc half the ppl wouldn’t even look up to say hi back at her before realizing. Or it would be the quickest, most uninterested hello.

But lemme tell you, this 🚩 would walk by my wicket every time I stepped away from it as if she was scanning my stuff to see if I did something wrong.

Like she’s waiting for me to mess up. Or seeing if she can put something away that’s not any of her business. Or correct something that isn’t wrong. Anything just to talk down to me…

Like sorry, I didn’t realize you were micromanager here. Get this, she even asked me if I started up a time sheet of my OT shifts, and when I said “no” she just looks at me, takes my hand and slaps it.

Don’t get me started on how that pissed me off so much. I already hate being touched enough as it is… but this 🚩 had the audacity yesterday doing that. I was livid.

Like she laughed it off as if it was funny again. What’s with the laughing? She always thinks everything’s funny when it comes to disrespecting me… I’m done with that ish.

Idc Idc Idc. I will not give her access to my personal space any longer. Because we do not be having rapport like that for her to be thinking she can even get away with that.

She made it clear she doesn’t want no physical contact with me anyways the moment she stopped responding to my greetings. Like when she was leaving today, I told her bye.

She completely ignored it and says bye to everyone else surrounding me. Try to convince me that’s not intentional… just try. I was with a client too, so I even had a witness.

I am over her, completely. Passive aggressive ass ppl don’t work well with me. So I’m over that. I gotta protect my peace. I can’t have that negative energy around me.

If she don’t rock with me, I refuse to pretend to rock with her. However in the mean time, you not about to mess up my relationships with everyone else. Let me have that and we good.

I genuinely believe every single person in my work establishment prefers her over myself however regardless. Just because of her history there, her race, her connections to people in and out.

Overall, she just relates to everyone more than I do. And it irks my soul how much they can’t see how rudely she treats me. Because they would never have to be in my shoes to see it.

She acts like a mean girl still in high school, excluding the already very unpopular girl because they can’t relate or don’t know anything about her to make a conclusion.

It’s like she gave up on giving me a chance at ever having a relationship, so she’s making everyone else refuse to have a close relationship by highlighting my errors or bad traits.

Everyone messes up at my work, but I have many, many times. I am always so tremendously shamed for it due to the work culture and environment.

For me, they have never been as gracious to me as they have everyone else because I am the scapegoat. I mess up more because they never taught me the proper skills not to.

Granted, in a lot of ways, I have less experience. But I am part-time, so I haven’t always been around to observe and learn as much as others have, it’s not fair.

But on the other hand, when I ask for help, I am always dismissed or redirected and never helped to the capacity that I need. It makes me feel helpless and powerless.

No workplace has never made me feel so tiny and small. Weak and inadequate. Everyone says I should be grateful to have a job, but when they live in my shoes I want to hear what they say.

Is it okay for someone to feel disrespected almost every day at work? When the one person who should support you, your manager, is also the same person who gives you the most anxiety?

When that person is gone, you feel free and peace of mind, but when they’re back, you feel stressed and overwhelmed and anxiety that they’ll find something to blame you for.

Is it normal to be spoken down to like you are 5 and don’t know anything because you accidentally did something even though you knew it was a mistake?

Or is it normal to feel like on the list of people who work with you, there is a hierarchy and favourites are on top, scapegoats are on the bottom and you lie completely on the bottom.

Or what about when your coworkers are discussing conversations all in another language and you just know they have their own convos about things they want to do outside of work…

Is that normal? To be so excluded that people are actually surprised when you show up for work related events even though you answered multiple times that you are in fact coming?

Or some people who you work with can go a whole day without saying anything to you because they are not required to since they hardly work with you and don’t have relationship with u?

Pretty sure if having a job is that dreadful and awful to wake up to everyday especially with crippling anxiety and ADHD (time blindness) in the mornings, it’s not worth my mental health?

Because I’ve never felt so alone being surrounded by so many people before. In my whole life. Like surpassing school. Church. Moving across provinces. This job is the worst of all.

It rattles my brain that people can be so intentionally exclusive and inconsiderate. Ik everyone is going through their own ish, but the difference is I am still kind about it…

How come they can’t be? It’s probably directly correlated to their lack of a relationship to Christ, but at least just act civil. Like the intentional exclusion and snarky remarks is so unnecessary.

[im-as-mad-as-a-wax-bananna]

TW: rape

If anyone reads this I need some advice but I also want to just get it off chest in someway and this seemed the easiest

May 30th 2024

A close friend of mine. In fact my only friend had ordered me the colorpop twilight collection as a gift and was bringing it over to my house and to hang out. I opened it and was very happy. Then we went to my room to hang out cuz my mom works 3rd shift and I didn't want to wake her and my bedroom door is always shut (cuz I have a cat that the other cats in the house don't get along with because reasons we are unsure maybe her disabilities.) So we hang out in my room and he gets handsy I say no but he continues it gets to the point my pants are down and he is rubbing his.... over my.... and I wanted to cry but I couldn't I just took it silently while I prayed my cat wasn't watching. My parents room is on the other side of the wall my bed is on.....my mother is sleeping on the other side of the wall. After a while he leaves like nothing happened. I shower and just went about my day. I haven't told any one. It's happened before too at his house when it was just us 2 there hanging out he lives less then a block away from me. I never went to his house again, I thought I was safe at my house cuz some one else is always home. I'm autistic and my room is my safe space. Granted, I share a room with my younger sister. But it's my safe space. I spend all day in my room. Sitting in my bed. And now I don't feel safe in it anymore. I feel uncomfortable in my bed. My safe sheets are no longer safe. My room, my safe space is no longer safe and it is no longer my space. I haven't told anyone about what happened. Not my family, boyfriend, no one. I just went about my life like usual to everyone else. But I think about it everyday. I want to tell someone just to get it off my chest but as crazy as it is I want him to pay for what he did but I also don't want him to get in trouble. And I don't know if anyone will believe me cuz without even mentioning what he's done to me I've told my family that he makes me uncomfortable sometimes because he is touchy, pushy, and doesn't take no for answer but it gets brushed off because "he is such a sweet and polite boy and obviously has a crush on you".

My mom was SA'd by a family friend of my grandma's when she was a very very young child. And I don't know what to do about that info but when I think about what happened to me I think about that also and would she believe me more because of it? I don't know what to do.

My boyfriend is a cop in a state next to mine. And I don't know if he would see me differently or try and help.

I want to just stop being friends with the guy who did it. Block him on everything and his phone number. Never talk to him again. But I can't do that with out looking like a horrible person for just dumping a friend for "no reason" and because he lives so close I'm afraid he'll just show up to my house.

Any advice?

[sun-like-dem-bones]

Does anyone else feel like they're scraping by on basically handouts?

I know many in the US can relate that we rely on staying on our parents insurance till the cutoff at 26. I even got away with using both mine (when I had any) and my parents insurance to save money at the eye doc. Being half blind is a hugely taken-for-granted cost in life. It's still expensive no matter who's your insurer. Someone tell me an insurance plan for free exams and glasses/contacts even EXISTS.

I am so. So willing to do things in other people's names. I started making appointments for massages in my mother's name as she has a bunch of credits rolling over that she can't use. I wouldn't be getting massages at all otherwise.

I use my sister's phone number at various department stores when I had to spend the whole day looking for an adult luxury type look for a first impression luncheon at my job. Since she is a credit card member to big store chains, they occasionally have good deals only for those customers. And I just give them a "hmm let's try this number". And like, they KNOW. They just ask "insert sister's name" and I say "yes that's it!"

Having nice clothes is something I can't afford after having been laid off for two months. Let alone putting together a "look" all in one shopping trip. Usually I can only afford to thrift my clothes, which is where any sort of quality clothes from the 1990s and 2000s has ended up anyway. Being able to dress myself and slowly build my closet for less than $50 a month? A doable expense. Furniture from homegoods or Walmart? Or target when there's a sale? It'll have to do. Even if it is lightweight crap that will barely survive one apartment move. At least it won't require strong-person(s) labor cost.

I'm sure people have been sharing phone numbers for retail points for much longer than the birth of streaming subscriptions. No one is a goody two shoe about sharing services and now for most things you can't. I wonder how those van lifers even do their own.

Having room on your credit card(s) just to pay rent while you're laid off is a huge save or I would lose everything and move to another state with my mom. Probably couldn't rent again for 7 years and I could let mom watch me struggle to even get out of her hair. Look mom the system you thrive(d) in makes it impossible for me to even be independent from you! So much for empty nesting! 😜

It is an eventuality I have to accept. I don't know how often layoffs happen in the past but both times had nothing to do with my quality of work in the short span of basically about 3-4 years of corporate work? If I get laid off again this year, the state government won't help me again. I will probably sink $10k more into debt in a matter of months. And not much less than that if I got laid off in any year after this one.

I look for remote/hybrid jobs because I subtract the cost of the salary/hourly pay with the gas it takes for rush hour in a major metropolitan area. My internship was a huge help to even get me where I am today... Two hour commute, twice a day. Laid off the minute my university decided they won't require internships due to the pandemic.

Oh my god and do you know how long I can put off car maintenance!? Thankfully it's nothing serious like a check engine light or constantly having to pour more oil into a car that just eats a quart like its maple syrup every week. But I do have an axle throwing grease from like 6 months ago. It's basically no bigger an issue than a toddler burping up their spit. My tires are 6 years old now from the previous owner and the guy said the sidewall cracking is basically very slow dry rot while I have plenty of tread left. I feel like a grandma who's going to eventually hand her car down to some very appreciative grandkids. Old but low mileage and well kept up with.

Having folks that did decent for their time can be a huge privilege. Some well-doing parents are assholes and don't help at all for sure. I got a used reliable car after graduating so I could drive downtown to college and work. And it's literally a luxury nowadays to have a car as reliable as that thing for that long and for what? No car payment and therefore minimal insurance cost. Throwing 115,000 miles on it in, I dunno, 3 years? (I don't know what was more mileage, delivering pizza or commuting 80mi to and from work and college for a couple semesters) Gotta blow $600 on a new radiator or alternator here or there? Eh. Couple hood smushes from fender benders? Pff. Nuthin'

Well. Except gas.

Your boomer parents could even call it a handout to let you stay with them at a discounted rate of rent these days. Even more so if it's free as long as you're working/in school.

I wouldn't have a degree without my family's help, because, hear me out.

The government wouldn't even loan me enough to cover the cost that I couldn't afford.

Between the maximum that they would loan me, and what I could come up with working full-time summers and part time during school, LiViNg at HoMe, would only cover 2/3rds of the price of my tuition.

Frankly having to do both school and work hurt my ability to do well in actually retaining the information, and having better grades. For difficult degrees like art, architecture and really any of the sciences, I barely passed when I didn't have to work that one year. And then we decided well, you scraped by with a D in one class so you will be behind a year to take things in order. It was already unaffordable at this 5 year trajectory plan. Come home and figure something else out.

It's insane to me that so much had to happen to even get me where I am and-

I just. I feel like, you're either struggling at rock bottom, or even if you have a 401k started, some level of ability to see a doctor, like, if you're really sick bad, free coping mechanisms like massages and occasional therapy sessions, you're still barely scraping and often your needs can't be met, and rarely any wants.

I still can only afford the cheapest gym, veterinarian, sometimes even diy mechanic. The things I do have built up such as clothes, jewelry, purses, pots for some plants- they only exist from birthday gifts, dead relatives, or the time of my youth before I knew I was supposed to save my good-grade money just to have extra I dunno $3000 laying around for a month without a job??

I may have decent funds now to afford the housing cost that basically eats people, wallets, and sanity, as if it were the blue pacman eating dollars around the board and rather turning our souls INTO ghosts, but I certainly don't have enough TIME.

Like. How does anyone move up in life without free or cheap handouts?

And to think that I make the amount that my folks made individually. Which together raised 2.5 kids on, lived in a house (which was bought on 1 income), and had 2 cars and 2 dogs?

I just have me and two cats and we can't even afford van-life. Let alone an apartment by ourselves. We'd have a hurricane, a fender bender or major maintenance, a feline dental cleaning before his teeth fall out, every couple months something happens.

I don't think the middle class used to rely on handouts.

Aw crap when was the last time I saw the dentist.

[amprella]

My mind is and was occupied with relatively serious stuff and changes past 2 months. Maybe it’s time to say things out loud and get them out of the system.

Moved houses, that can be considered as a good change, that’d improve my ways of living, in a smallest sense, even… the process was tough and time consuming with painting etc but again, this was a good occupience.

And then, for about a month, im having digestive issues. And it’s going nowhere as of today. Had many tests, blood, urine, feces, X-rays, ultrasounds… all came back clean but i still have issues with stomach… which leads to either more serious shit like cancer etc or an allergy that i have been tested in the past but developed somehow later on in my life… at least the two options I can think about now.

I feel so preoccupied with thinking. And my ways, my character doesn't help with the situation. I’ve had a similar issue 4 months back, but it had a name (gastroentiridis) and it was clear what it was and could’ve been solved within a month.

Now with this new shit, nothing shows up on blood, ultrasound, X-rays, feces etc and the uncertainty is eating me up, alongside of almost bi-daily stomach pain.

Hear me out, I took precautions. Whoever knows me knows that I like to cook at home, amongst all, it serves my year long diet. I rarely order something from outside, especially when I’m alone, which is most of the times (no complaining)

I had this issue for about 2 weeks, then when it did not go away, went to doctors, did the tests etc, used antibiotics, stomach regulator drug, and after all this treatment, plus 2 weeks, today the issue seem to persist with the doctors could not have pinpoint where is and what is the rootcause of it.

And this last 2 weeks, i’ve took steps extra carefully, even bought bottled water thinking something might’ve been off with water since I don’t consume anything else that is out of ordinary from outside. Stopped alcohol altogether, for a whole week. Took my antibiotics every 12 hrs exactly, why I’m elaborating this is that I did everything by the book, and they still cant find/know what is wrong and my body cannot seem to resolve it.

Now, on top of all that, I tried to maintain my lifestyle, went to gym even with pain, or resisted the urges to my vices to eat out or drink alcohol etc, but mind-wise, I was so preoccupied with uncertainty, when I finished antibiotics and got a bit better, I relaxed a bit, but it returned today, seems like I cannot recover.

Now, being alone in a country with not many people that keeps tabs on you (life, what can you do-everyone has their own life too) ~ your mind tends to go to darker places; especially when there is uncertainty about health stuff.

And when mine did too, it thought of genetic factors, since there were no logical reasoning the tests can came up with. And those genetic factors are the family history with cancer and tumor; losing 3 of 4 uncles (one from dad’s side at around late 50s, 2 from mom’s side, at 33 and 45 years of age) , my grandma having 7 operations in various places on her body due to cancer (survivor) ~ I kind of went existentialist on this, and accepted that it could be something serious for me too.

I mentioned this to doctors too, 2 weeks back, in case she’d want further examinations for internal organs, but she had said that it was not needed (public hospitals ¯\_(ツ)_/¯) for the moment being, and I needed to check myself within a month to keep on trying to find a reason for this problem.

We’re within 2nd week of that 1 month of recovery period, and I have the issue back like the first days it seems.

I don’t know what to think about, not mentally only but also physically. Having to go through anything you do, even drinking water without a subtle and constant pain feels like long history. How tf do we take granted being healthy, and forget like we are going to be healthy forever. I guess that’s called being human.

This human is tired of thinking about uncertain health issues and dealing with physical pain and also having to maintain a social and a professional life, like everything is normal. I am worried, but not scared, worried of not knowing what I need to face with.

And I can’t stress this enough, I have made peace with the idea

If in any outcome or possibility, I know; I can adapt, accept and be okay with it. But not knowing is eating me up.

[eastsidelovers]

artist statement for photos not yet developed:

its cliche to run around taking pics of gravestones. yet i do it anyway. i take pictures of the same things over and over again.

exit signs.

yearning for loved ones.

the balance between processing emotions, grief, and running the other way. grief.

bring your loved ones closer, steal flowers from the neighbor’s, write their name in the prayer book of a god you don’t believe in. because its comforting to think you can help from where you are.

give grandma the memorial bench. its the thought that someone cared enough to, not the money and lavish treatment received. i miss her.

i miss people i never met. yet i feel my mother and father’s grief, i feel the holes in their heart, the weight of my mother’s sobs on the staircase, the night my grandfather passed.

i miss my grandma.

she’d be so proud. i’ll bring her a book. i know she loves me, she’s probably praying for me and doesn’t approve of who i really am.

but her love was infectious. it was strong. she was so proud of everything i did. i wish i had more time. i took her for granted. i still wish i could surprise her with flowers. go out for dinner with her. read her texts.

my heart starts to hurt. exit.

[rippeanuts1950-2000]

Diary of a teenage ghost Hunter

Friday June 25th 4:00 pm My bedroom)

What does a 16 year old ghost hunter do when her parents force her to move to some weird ass town in the middle of nowhere? Find the nearest book shop of course! Joking, joking. Though that is exactly what I did as soon as my parents said I could go out. Hey, don’t judge me. The bookshop was the one thing I was looking forward to about this place and let me tell you, it was worth the wait.

The place shouldn’t even be called a shop! It should be called a book armory? No, wait, that sounds weird. A book outlet? Nope, it still doesn’t work. Whatever, I’ll figure it out later. So I went to the huge bookshop that I think used to be a Barnes & Nobles that got turned into a regular bookshop. It’s nice to know I’m supporting a small business. Small meaning it’s owned by a family and not some corporate place. Like I said, the place was huge. Anyway, I went in and spent twenty minutes just gaping at everything. It was beautiful. Filled to the brim with books and really cool knick knacks at some great prices. No joke, I bought a sketch book, some pens and pencils, a journal, some decorations for my room, and some books I’ve been wanting for a while, for under $200! I’m living the dream life honestly.

While I was there, I ran into what I could only describe as a stereotypical mean girl. I did not get her name because I ran away before she could scream at me. That happens to me way more than it should. Trouble is, I don’t know if she was a ghost or not. No one else seemed to notice her and I got a few weird looks when I screamed an apology at her. Maybe I was just too loud? Well if she wasn’t a ghost at least I don’t have to deal with her at school since mom and dad finally agreed to homeschool me. I think it was a way to get me to shut up about not wanting to hide my sexuality from people even if I get bullied. I’m a proud lesbian, I’m not hiding that part of me.

No matter how hard it is.

NOPE! DON’T GO THAT ROUTE BRAIN!

But I also won’t deal with it cause it’s summertime thank goddess.

Anyway, I love my new journal! It’s so pretty and it has cute little chibi ghosts on the cover! I cannot not wait to use it for more interesting things I find at the bookshop. Oh and write stuff about my ghost hunting. That’s also why I got it.

Obviously. 

Also my new room is really cool. Mom and Dad found this huge house for surprisingly less than a million dollars and I got the top floor all to myself. Granted, there’s only three rooms up here but Mom says I can turn the second room into an art room! Isn’t that great! Now I won’t have to go outside to make something because my parents are neat freaks and they hate messes. The room I'm in currently is my bedroom and it has all my stuff in it since Dad came up here first to set everything up while Mom and I drove down here yesterday. I still need to unpack so I should probably get started. 

Saturday June 26th 1:30 am My Closet)

Holy shit.

That’s all I have to say after what has been transpiring for the past hour and half.

I knew there was a reason why my parents got the house so cheap!

Twelve people died here.

Correction, twelve people were killed here.

TWELVE PEOPLE WERE KILLED HERE!

WHAT THE FUCK!

Look, I get that my parents want me to help in the family business and hunt ghosts so that we help them go to the other side and blah blah. Especially since I’m the only one in my family since my great great grandma who can see ghosts. But moving me into a house where the souls are still haunting it and need to go to the otherside, is taking it too far!

Okay let me start from the beginning.

It all started after I woke up at midnight. I was thirsty so I went downstairs to get a glass of water. I get my glass of water and go back to my room, knowing that I probably wouldn’t be able to go back to sleep. So I’m thinking about what book I’m gonna read or if I should watch tv on my phone again, when I see a very pretty girl with silky black hair and pale skin digging through my closet and muttering that I have too much flannel. Being the mature person that I am, I threw my water at her and screamed, “Begone intruder!” The girl just looked at me and smirked.

“I’m dead and I live here, so I’m not an intruder.” She said and that’s when I realized that the girl had gashes all over her body and her very cute outfit was covered in blood. “Why are you in my room?” I asked, not thinking what else to say. The girl snorted and floated over to me. “Because you, Cassandra Mendez, are going to help me and my cousins with our problem.” She said, placing her hands on my shoulders. Instead of feeling cold and uncomfortable like it usually does when a ghost touches me, it felt pleasantly icy and comforting. “Whoa, whoa. You know my name and I don’t know yours! That’s not fair.” I said, because all my brain cells left me when the pretty ghost girl touched me.

The girl giggled. “You’re right, that isn’t fair Cassandra. Let’s fix that, shall we? I’m Butterfly Thompson, nice to meet you.” Butterfly said and now that I could properly see her eyes, I noticed they were light green. “Butterfly, that’s an interesting name.” I said. “My parents were hippies, Cassandra.” She said as she let go of my shoulders. She went back to digging in my closet. “Cassie.” I said dumbly. Butterfly looked up, confused. “What?” She asked. “I go by Cassie, not Cassandra. Now can you tell me why you're here?” I asked, really hoping this whole thing was some dream.

“Cassie. I like that. Less of a mouthful. Anyway, I’m here to save you from the flannel nightmare that is your closet.” Butterfly said and I tried to ignore the way my stomach fluttered when she said my name. “You and I both know that’s not true.” I said exasperated. She hummed in response. “Oh but it could be. But unfortunately it’s not. At least not right now. I’m here because I need your help to prove that my family and I were murdered.” Butterfly said. I blinked at her. First of all, why me? Second of all, she was murdered? “How many people died and how did they die?” I asked, not sure what else to say.

Butterfly started counting on her fingers. “Twelve. They took out Blake and Bloom and their parents first. Stabbed Aunt Bria and Uncle Braxton I think, I was hiding in the closet with Burst so I don’t know. They pushed Blake and Bloom out the window, their deaths were immediate. Then they went after Blaze and Briar but Aunt Britnay and Uncle Ben fought back. Unfortunately, their battle was for naught as the killer somehow managed to strangle them before throwing Briar and Blaze out the window as well. They took a little longer than the other two to die. You know this guy had a thing for throwing kids out the window. Then they came to closet me and my brother were in. Mom and Dad fought as hard as they could but in the end they didn’t make it either. I don’t know how they were killed. The killer pulled me out of the closet first but unlike my cousins I fought back. They managed to get a couple gashes and hits on me before I was thrown out the window. My death was immediate. Burst’s wasn't. They died in the rose bushes, bleeding out because the killer stabbed him before throwing them out the window like everyone else.” Butterfly said, her voice monotone.

“Then why was the killer not caught?” I asked, because it sounded like a bunch of innocent people were brutally murdered here, no questions asked. Butterfly sighed and sat on my bed. “They were smart. They made it look like the adults committed suicide and that us kids fell off the roof. Even down to the fact that they made it look like Burst was impaled. But we know the truth.” She said, a bitter smile on face. “Where do I come in?” I asked and she grinned. “You’re gonna be homeschooled, it's summer, you can talk to all of us, and you can talk to our friends who are alive and help us! Together you can find a way to figure out who the killer is and why they did it so we can put their ass in jail.” Butterfly said excitedly.

“Wait us?” I asked, because I thought she was the only ghost here. She nodded vigorously. “Yes us, I was sent to talk to you before we bombroad you with everything.” She explained. “Let me think about this before I do anything.” I said. Butterfly nodded. “Okay, get back to me in the morning! Sleep well Cassie.” She said, giving me a hug before floating down somewhere. 

Well after writing this down, I know what to do. I have to help her. She didn’t deserve what happened to her and her family at all. Now I’m actually gonna go to bed because, damn, I'm tired.