#got that one in kindergarten too

[cyandocs]

Does anyone else remember the specific moment you picked up a little idiosyncracy? Usually I'd see someone else do something, go "that's neat" and then never stop doing it.

The way I write capital E's like backwards 3s? Got that from a High School French teacher.

Cracking my knuckles on my neck? Got that from some random guy in one of my classes with the same habit.

The way I write my 2's (with the lil loop)? A teachers assistant in Kindergarten.

[honey-bird10]

ok because why have I not realized until now that yoojin was highkey abandoned by the people he was meant to depend on for his entire youth (aka his PARENTS) before also being abandoned horribly by the one person he had left in his life and it fundamentally altered his mindset into one which believes that once he's unneeded by someone they'll simply fuck right out of his life, leaving him either scrambling to make himself as useful as possible, or depressed as shit as he accepts they're ultimately going to leave him, and this mindset actually has him by the balls the entire novel lowkey

[pseudophan]

gonna be so sad when tonight is the first preshow space with good audio and i'm asleep because i have a psych appointment tomorrow

[vulpinesaint]

the difference that offering a child kindness and compassion can make... one of the kiddos was crying the other morning missing her mom. Sobbing crying. and i talked to her and she wasn't able to say very much from crying so hard but confirmed that she knew her mom was going to be back and it was going to be a good day and it was going to be alright but she was just inconsolable. and we did some good breaths together but she just couldn't get her breathing under control. so for like ten minutes i just had her drink some water and gave her a hug and sat with her while she cried until we were going off to the next activity and she had to go with different counselors. and by then she'd calmed down a little but was still sniffling and obviously upset but the important part is that even though i didn't even get her to stop crying anytime i saw that little girl the rest of that day and now throughout the rest of the Week after just sitting with her and offering some compassion i see her notice me as she goes by and she always looks right at me and smiles and gives me a little wave when i say hi. like we haven't had any other conversations since then but i can see the way that she recognizes me now. i'm not her favorite counselor i haven't spent more than twenty minutes with her tops but that little girl takes the time to seek out my acknowledgement cause i showed that i care about her.... y'know... cause i was gentle with her and that meant something to her... all to say. it doesn't matter if you have extended interactions with kids. it really doesn't. small things can make such a huge impact on children and i really sincerely think it's so important to show them kindness... help them up when they fall. give them a hug. sit with them while they cry. cause even if it doesn't Fix things even if you don't solve the problem or do anything really materially Helpful you will have shown that child that people care about them. and they notice... they remember... they do...

[lilac-rose-writes]

huxley oc brainrot has reached an all time high </3 i fear i may not survive the fallout

(ft. my hugo, sylvia & tami, @c4rl4-k1nn13's ivy, @ketchupandpickles' aaron, and @charismabee's william <3)

[koschei-the-ginger]

My mum just casually mentioned recently that when I was about 4, I taught myself fluent slovak from watching foreign tv, and the reason why I never shut up as a kid was because I'd been simply used to people not understanding me anyway

[another-dra-anew]

Hmmm... Tsurugi and Uehara are really close.

Hmmm. They are kinda touchy-feely if memory serves.

HMMM. Didn't Tsurugi call Uehara by his first name once or twice?

Dating? Love birds? Friends who are just close?

Happy late Valentines Day to these guys and "whatever the fuck is going on over there".

This is a difficult question to answer as the writer because by being curious, you're... exactly where I want you to be right now. Maeda isn't quite confident himself, and (while he can definitely be in a different spot than you all at times) that's a reflection of where readers should be! So, regarding the time old question of "friends, or Friends?"... not much I can say! I'd tell you to read ahead, but... hard to do that when I'm writing essays instead of updates.

But, telling you to guess and see is a boring answer, so, some extra stuff to keep in mind;

Your memory serves you exactly right! Tsurugi has called Uehara "Kinji" before (and well... let's not get into all of what Uehara's called Tsurugi. Close the google translate tab!), and there weren't any other characters sharing a mattress at the sleepover. But, then we have to wonder about how the characters factor into this... Uehara's canonically (+ explicitly, it's incorporated into his physical design via patches on his jeans) gay, and Tsurugi's canonically low on boundaries. We also know that Uehara struggles with feeling uncomfortable around others, which starts to beg the question of why he's okay around Tsurugi... but on Tsurugi's end, is it possible that the only reason he seems to have gotten closer with Uehara is because he knows Uehara wouldn't get close with anyone else?

Which, there's also the argument that Uehara's sexuality is separate from his feelings on Tsurugi. That's totally a viable option and something that can happen! But, segueing into our next topic for discussion... that isn't what the class thinks. There's been a few allusions to the kids pointing fingers at Tsurugi and Uehara (more commonly Uehara); the example I always think of is one you don't actually realize is happening, so I can explain it now! Kobashikawa in particular has been going "?" since day one of the killing game. In the prologue (I believe), there's a moment where Ōtori refuses to translate for Kobashikawa (which, to be fair, is because Kobashikawa's mostly just joking around with Ōtoeri with this line)- Kobashikawa is remarking on Uehara potentially crushing on Tsurugi! This is a more pleasant example than, say, some of Higa's comments- but there's also things we don't get to see, because we only get Maeda's perspective. Most of the kids have had some sort of curiosity cross their mind, and of them, Tomori's probably got the most insight...

But of course, no one better to ask than the duo themselves!

...Not that I'm telling you what they're thinking.

It's difficult to give you much insight without revealing things that we'll end up making clear in story. So, instead, let's review some in-story moments between them! Hey guys, remember who Tsurugi went to after the Incident with Higa on the stairs? Remember Uehara trying to prevent Tsurugi from being alone with Higa, just before the stairs incident? Speaking of Higa, remember that scene after the second trial, where we got to see Tsurugi's perspective, and caught what happened after that fight? Or, on the subject of fights with Higa, remember Uehara's response when Higa visited Tsurugi's dorm in Chapter 3?

Higa kinda comes up a lot, huh. Maybe I'd be homophobic too if I was always around this-

Remember Chapter 1, just before we started deadly life- who Tsurugi asked for, and what Uehara's reaction was? Remember the time the kids decided to have a morning soap opera, and the nickname conversation that arose then? Returning to the Rec Room event, wasn't there a bit of a theme in what Uehara was taking interest in, what games he was choosing to follow? Or, speaking of events, which duo was sitting together, painting nails and fetching drinks?

Bringing things up like this, there's definitely a picture being painted of closeness. But, I don't think it really answers your question- is this romantic, or is it really just friendship! There's been a lot of arguing for why it seems romantic on Uehara's end, but may not be on Tsurugi's side, but we can also make arguments that it's platonic to Uehara, too. There's no comparing how Uehara acts around people he's close with, because we know Tsurugi's the only one. As for why he's closer with Tsurugi, there's always the easy answer that they're both foreign students! Similar a bit to how Ōtori and Kobashikawa bonded over sign... and then again, sometimes people just make friends!

TL;DR - Who knows! By thinking about this, you're having the experience I want you to have- and I hope you're having fun with it! The last comment I want to leave you all with is something that applies to all of BTBB/ADRA; don't forget about canon! The in-universe reason for why they're close, and the nature of that relationship is unknown... but to be Doylist, they're close because of canon! See also; Tomori also being friends with Tsurugi, and Mekaru, the third student to diverge from the group in canon, taking a sort of in-between spot, where she's not quite sure of her standing with the group, and they're unsure of their feelings on her, which, while different from what I did with Kinji and Kizuna, does still mean she's on a different path from canon Rei. When in doubt, start to look at canon.

(Which, hey, on the note of relationships, and "remember things are mirror reflections, and remember that may not look how you expect it to"- given any thought to Satsuhiko lately?)

Ultimately, they're definitely a little duo, and it's definitely something Maeda's wondering about- so he'll probably pursue the truth there, sooner or later. He's busy with other things! In the mean time, they're going to keep having their little conversations by themselves in the trial room. God am I glad I chose to use canon podium layout.

Anyways, as a parting gift for making it all the way through a few hundred words of vague non-answers, have a new excerpt from prologue rewrites, under the cut!

Uehara - Jesus Christ!

//Taira, one of many students impairing Maeda’s view, shifts before he can see quite how Uehara stepped in. But Maeda shifts over, and notes one of Uehara’s hands on Tsurugi’s left bicep, and the other on his right hip- before it quickly flits away, as Tsurugi stands on his own feet. Uehara stays leaned over the way he was when he dove for Tsurugi- head dipped down as he nervously pats at Tsurugi- one hand tugging the hem of his shirt, then straightening at his sleeve, and pulling a lock of hair out of his face as the other hand smooths idly at Tsurugi’s face. It’s angled so Maeda can’t see that side as well, but he catches the way Tsurugi moves his head in response to the fingers tracing his features- and pushing at his skin. 

Uehara - Fucking hell… are you alright?!

Maeda - …

Maeda - [Redacted Narration]

Uehara - God- what even happened?

Tsurugi - …

//His face relaxes, but he’s still staring at Uehara, focused.

Uehara - Ts-...Tsurugi?

Tsurugi - …

Tsurugi - Like, mentally- do you have a checklist of words that are funny to say as a priest?

Uehara - …

//Maeda can see the way Uehara tries to process. Tsurugi grins, seeming to be genuinely delighted.

Tsurugi - “Jesus Christ, hell, god”, all a’ that?

Uehara - …I-

//He stands, and flushes.

Uehara - Ah, piss off.

//Tsurugi laughs- and it’s because of Uehara, which Uehara seems to take in stride.

Tsurugi - Also, you have a tongue piercing, right? I like it- it’s shiny- that's how I saw it!

[robinsnest2111]

re: last post

some might think I'm projecting on poor Lawrence

to that I say you're absolutely right!

[playingonedchess]

i really think we should go back to using last names a lot more actually

[pleasedontcareaboutme]

i think i finally realized why ive been feeling so damn depressed lately again

sorry for writing this here. im really hurting actually. im not good. i feel a bit helpless too. idk who to talk to bc i dont want to burden anyons and i donf feel like anything could console me right now

Like. fuck me man. thanks for saving me but. why the hell are you not here. i dont want to do this without you. i hate only being able to remember you. i was supposed to grow old with you, not without you.

And. honestly. even with all this bullshit i say here, all the endless times i spend trying to write down my feelings, abt you, about all the pain ive felt my life, it doesnt get better. not at all. and no words, no poetry takes it away and i truly feel like nobody will ever truly understand how suffocated i felt all my life.

and i want to change thanks to you but. i dont know. nothing's satisfying enough.

no matter what, i truly only feel great when im in that daydream like world you created.

and these past days ive been thinking a lot that. i really wouldnt mind dying right now. not at all. because at least i know what happiness feels like. and i want to stay in that state. probably, even in this life your music will bring me happiness, but i want to be trapped in it.

im tired of being so unseen, and even when im seen, im hurting. but i dont know whats hurting. i think im just really tired thats all.

and. ye. i feel brave tbh. i still havent posted my video to instagram, bc im not brave for that. i dont know. and i feel like a hypocrite bc everything is true that i wrote there but at the same time these are my thoughts currently

in a long while i looked up suicide methods again. i feel so hopeful, but im not really sure if really for the future. jm sorry this is probably alarming. i will probably not kill myself but. idk. im not sure actually. i dknt know what to say. i wasnt cut out for this wordly shit.i feel unlovable but even if im loved, i donf want to be. i dont want anything. just let me stsy in this quiet place snd just. disappear. i wouldnt want my family to hurt if i die but i wont know about it anyways. idk man. i feel strongly i could die calmly this time and thats nice. bc 6 years ago i was terrified, and hurt. but now im content and kind of ready idk man. its not a terrible feeling, its a "this is it, it was nice while it lasted" ig.

there are no clouds in my head actually. i truly dont feel like im thinking irrationally, i feel like this would just be like. the end goal i was looking for. to feel true love once. it was nice.

no goodbye yet bc idk how id kms even if i do. But ill tell u guys if i found something.

[avocado-frog]

Month old writing share game

Thanks for the tag from @elsie-writes i procrastinated hard on this one but I think that the rules are just to share a bit of writing. So here's a little chunk from something I just wrote:

One time, a few years back, when Logan was nineteen, Lily was twelve, Jaxon was just about eleven, and Dylan was eight, they went to the park. He took them to the park to distract them, sometimes, but he didn't remember the specific reason that time around. Dylan had wandered off a little while after helping Logan pack sandwiches at home- after Lily and Jaxon already left- to go to the garden. Two older men, fifties or sixties, one in blue overalls and the other in a plain, grey shirt were teaching them how to use a rake. A woman a bit younger, dirty blonde hair in a bun behind her head, had a pocket of seeds for Dylan to plant. Logan sat on the bench to watch them, a bit warily. But they seemed friendly enough. Jaxon, usually, would run off to go find people to play with. He was sociable, he liked making friends, but even that day, as sunny as it was, it was still too early for kids his age to start coming over. Mostly, it was the parents of toddlers who wanted their kids to run off some energy. Sometimes, the toddlers would try and get him to play, too, and Jaxon obliged every time, but he seemed content with just his sister today. He didn't have any interest in gardening with Dylan. Lily was by the monkey bars, standing on top of the black platform underneath them. Jaxon sat on the ground, digging a hole in the bark with his hands. Lily jumped up to grab the bars, but she was getting tall enough that she didn't need to jump as high now. Once she had a grip on the yellow metal, she pulled herself up to sit on the top. She sat there for a while, talking to Jaxon about something Logan couldn't hear at the distance he was, and given his attention was split between them and Dylan.  Lily had swung her legs over the bars and leaned down in between the gaps to hang upside down, and of course Jaxon wanted to try.  He jumped up, just like Lily did, grabbed onto the bars, and it should've been a forewarning when his hand slipped before he regained his hold. He jumped up to sit on the top bars, and then his leg got caught in between, and he fell backwards trying to untangle himself.  He had picked the bar closest to the platform. Hanging upside down, right above the edge of the black platform, with his leg stuck in between the bars. He must not have been really thinking past getting his leg unstuck. Logan heard a woah, are you okay, that caught his attention just as he managed to free himself. And then he fell. And hit his head on the edge of the platform and hit it again as the rest of him landed in the bark. Jaxon hadn't even cried, which was astonishing to Logan, who had shot up like a rocket and rushed over to check on him. Because Logan would've cried hard if he hit his head like that. Twice. Lily had scrambled down to see if he was okay, too, but Jaxon only sat in the bark, moved to sit with his legs outstretched, one hand making a circle in the wood bits, blinking like he was confused. There was a steady stream of blood gushing from his nose, too. His eyes weren't quite uneven yet, but Logan didn't think for a second that Jaxon got away without a concussion. He instructed Lily to go watch Dylan, tell them where he went, while he took their brother home to check on him. Jaxon blinked again. Logan grabbed him by the arm, dragged him to his feet, and dragged him home, having to hold his own sleeve against his nose because Jaxon wasn't doing it himself.

Open tag since this is a month and a half old sorry lmao

[br1ghtestlight]

ive never attended a school that had a school bus before 😭 like until recently i thought it was just a made up concept from american media that they would take a yellow bus for a field trip. we always walked everywhere

[snixx]

why was I upset over such stupid shit an hour ago. now that crap seems laughable but I'm still upset over. other more upsetting things ugh

[yardsards]

local man forced to think about their father: one dead, countless injured.

[vulpinesaint]

people who write kidfics and treat the children like a doll are so like. impenetrable to me. it obviously feeds into the larger phenomenon of people not seeing children as full people but like??? do you not see this child as a character of their own??? do you not think that they have their own motivations???? you sit down to write and all this child appears to do in your story is look cute and do nonsense baby things for the sake of your 'found family' dynamic which is just a nuclear family redux with adoptees? now come on now...

[foxmulderautism]

this post really is the blueprint for RR felix vs lover boy felix