#got my ADHD diagnosis today
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"Oh, that explains a lot"
#got my ADHD diagnosis today#made a quick doodle#found out that the symbol for ADHD is a stylized butterfly similarly to the infinity symbol for autism#so I turned the symbol into wings and antennae#shirt logo is supposed to be the butterfly but idk idf it looks like that#I am actually like so happy now because it explains so much#ADHD#actually ADHD#autism#audhd.
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2 weeks at uni and I’ve already reached peak procrastination. I found masking tape and somehow decided that the best use of my time was to make a tiny Belphemon-sleep.
#I actually can’t wait till student finance have processed my dsa#maybe next year or something I should look for an adhd diagnosis? if I’m having this much trouble focussing and a cup of coffee doesn’t work#anymore as a way for me to focus maybe I should see if meds would help?#(when I got my autism diagnosis i was also told its possible that I have adhd. I’d privately suspected adhd before I considered autism)#like. some days I can focus. it feels like I’m balancing on a knife-edge and it’s very stressful#and I can’t do it on command or anything#but sure#seeing one piece of fanart with Boy from tts#and my whole day goes down the drain because I can’t drag myself away from the series#and listening to video game soundtrack helps but then if I do that too much I start feeling lonely but I can’t listen to a podcast because#then I focus on that above the work I’m meant ti be doing#and even then I might look up other stuff about the video game I’m listening to#and the worst times are when I become self aware and that really breaks my focus but I know I’ve got to keep going#and then at the end of the day I feel awful because I’ve done about 1-2 hours actual work in 6 hours#time I could have spend doing other work or#heaven forbid#enjoying myself#that was more of a rant than I expected#I’m doing ok I think#I hope#i know I’m not meant to compare myself with others#but I’ve done more work than my flatmates#and that at least makes me feel a little better#I’m going to get myself a coffee now#hopefully that’ll help me today#my goal is at least 200 words#then I can stop#actually autistic#autism#personal rant
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me (diagnosed with ADHD): *talks about little funny/annoying things my brain does (because of the ADHD)* my mom (not diagnosed with anything): wow that's so funny, the exact same thing happens to me too! i've never heard anyone else describe that. so random that you get that too. genetics, huh? :))
#sure mom. funny. funny coincidence.#this happens every time i see her#it happened like 6 times today alone#meanwhile my dad and my sister are staring at us like 'your brains do WHAT now???'#she doesn't really know much about adhd#i only got diagnosed a few years ago and she wasn't part of that process at all because she was living in another country back then#and like. i've gently mentioned to her before that genetics seem to play a big role in adhd too#and that actually many people get a late diagnosis when their child gets diagnosed#and it's fine. i won't pressure her to look into it more because she's doing well!#i don't think she needs meds or therapy or whatever at this point#but i just feel like it might help with how she sees herself? because it's so deeply engrained into her that she is Not Smart???#because she flunked out of school as a teenager???#due to bad grades#and like. oh i wish i could talk to that girl#things turned out well for her and she's generally a happy person#but still. i know part of her think she's stupid. and i fucking hate that#anyway i mainly just think this is really funny when it happens#adhd#nd
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#'well you cant win em all.' okay but i would like to win at least one!! (not my quote i swear ive seen it on tumblr just cant find it)#like i would kill for just one win. i would pay a crisp $10 to anyone that could provide a single win for me#today was yet another fucking loss and that was all i had lined up. like theres nothing set up to possibly be a win in the future#ive got nothing there. so weve ended on a loss and thats all i have for the foreseeable future#i counted all the wins and losses in recent memory. ive got like 13+ losses and about 1 win#i tried to count up all of my wins but truly i managed like. one.#even some things that i didnt know could become losses! like did you know you can just be refused an adhd reassessment?#like you can say 'id like to pay $160 for you to fuck up a diagnosis again' and they can actually say#'youre not even worth the trouble to misdiagnose so go fuck yourself'#but they can! i didnt know that#and then you can have the audacity to tey to hope for something and think youll get it. like hope a little too hard#truly shouldve lesrned my lesson after twelve losses in a row not to get my hopes up#but i did! i made plans! i was gonna buy a cute water bottle specifically for that job. snd take myself out to dinner if i got it#can you guess what happened? when i had the audacity to hope and plan for a job that i was so passionate about and wanted so much?#(i didnt get it. the job ive been posting about. didnt get it)#didnt get the apartment in the city i love and miss either. didnt get an adhd reassessment (which is still wild to me)#and i tried to frame them as better in my head. 'this is a chance to tey a different job youd be better at! this is a chance to save money!'#nope its just another shitty thing in a long line of shitty things and im just getting tired of it. im so fucking tired of it#i am back where i vowed id never come back to and i cant escape in any way shape or fucking form#just needed to vent because saying all this in my head wasnt helping. saying it here doesnt help either but whatever
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#lmao this is the worst#i just got denied my appointment for a formal autism diagnosis#after finally managing to send all the correct documents#their reason???? “oh your case isn't complex enough for us you should go see somewhere else”#like bitch i already have another fucking diagnosis that isn't even receivable#because no one fucking told me that you're actually supposed to go see a psychiatrist instead of a fucking therapist#and now you're telling me that i have to pay 400€ more to a psychiatrist just so they can tell me the same thing as last time#“oh we cant conclude anything cos adhd and autism are so close you're gonna have to go to the actual hospital to figure that one out”#just so i can come back in 2 years#like come on your creteria for taking people in was that they had to have had a diagnosis already#i fucking have one !!!!#im so tired of this#like i feel im never actually gonna see the end#why can't it just be easy for once#crying in class because of that shit was not on my bingo list for today
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good morning <3 !!
#ooc; onion girl enthusiast#((i just had a call from a place about a form i submitted about getting an adhd diagnosis))#(( and it went well i almost cried jkffd))#((i *did* cry a little when we hung up))#((i dunno what it is about these peoples voices but theyre so calming it makes me wanna bawl immediately))#((anyway my forms been sent to a different place to be looked at so where they'll decide if they think i actually have it..fingers crossed)#((i'll be waiting anxiously but god im happy i got the ball rolling))#((hope youre all well this holiday season!! <3 <3 hopefully i can write a bit today <3))
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Sometimes the perfect couple is an adderall boy and a ritalin girl. Think of this
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I have started to accept I am a bit more (re a lot more) psychologically unstable than I thought for a long time and man…. I’m tired of it
#I was in a relatively good mood today#work hasn’t been too bad and I get two days off starting tomorrow#(it’s rare for me to get consecutive days so I’m excited!)#plus my time off request for a weekend in may got approved and I’m super excited for the plans that are happening on that weekend#and then my roommate messaged me bitching about my cat and now I’m spiraling#hate everything hate myself anxiety levels skyrocketed feeling the intense need to upend/annihilate my entire life and start from scratch#questioning anyone who has ever said they care about me etc etc etc and it’s like wow! because of one vague text message!#this is not a normal response haha! and now that I’m aware of that#I’ve become a lot more intensely aware that these insane mood drops actually happen quite frequently for me#issue is to do anything about this I need to see a psychologist (which I’m trying to work on anyways)#but the only diagnosis I have is for adhd and idk how to go into psychiatric care like#PLEASE PUT ME ON MEDS PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PUT ME ON DRUGS AND I DONT MEAN LIKE 10 MILIGRAMS OF PROZAC TYPE SHIT#GIVE ME MOOD STABILIZERS OR AN ANTIPSYCHOTIC OR SOMETHING I AM BEGGINGGGGG I CANT FUNCTION LIKE THIS ANYMORE#I’m also mildly concerned (being afab) that if I go in pursing certain diagnoses I’ll get slapped with a bpd diagnosis#(and obviously I don’t mean that in the sense of bpd bad or I could NEVER have bpd or anything like that)#(I just mean I really don’t think I have bpd and I don’t want to be approached from the angle of needing treatment for that cuz I don’t#think it will help. if I have ANY cluster b disorder it’s def aspd lol. lmao.)#but. yeahhhhhhhhh. I’m tired of this and I’m tired of having no treatment and being in medicated#I’m tired of pretending I can function like this forever cuz obviously I can’t lol#and eventually (probably soon) it’s gonna burn me out and I’m gonna crash so hard and uh. bad things are gonna happen 😭#kaz rambles
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having a terrible time bc the past few months i accidentally kinda maybe 90% cured my adhd...? no im not making this up im srs
i need a support group for ex adhd peeps but unfortunately. yanno. thats not a thing. or at the very least a "how to focus as a neurotypical" article or sth 😭😭😭😭
#like??? do i just. focus? and then it works? i probably wont be able to hyperfocus for 6 hrs straight anymore right?#or will i? is that just a me superpower and not necessarily a me with adhd thing? do i need to take breaks??? how often??#how do i get back to focusing AFTER each break?? how will i face my high school classmates at the 10 year reunion like#'yea so i got an adhd diagnosis. yea ikr you never wouldve guessed huh! yea so also i cured my adhd 3 yrs ago' ?!?!??!?!#on a related note i am nowadays frequently like 'i think emptying the dishwasher would be a fun activity to do!'#YES emptying the dishwasher yes or no is one of the metrics i use to measure how bad my adhd is on any given day the past while#ooooooo now that you mention it i should get out of bed and go empty the dishwasher that might be fun!! 🤔🤔🤔 :3c#<- SEE???? SEE WHAT I MEAN????? WHO THE FUCK /ARE/ YOU AND WHAT DID YOU DO TO ME#i need to vaccuum today#whoops byeee#mine#need to go asap
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when the dnd session so good u dont even know wtf to do with yourself afterwards
#og#im shaking cryin im throwing up#we got into pvp after our druid barbarian got possessed by a ghost#two of the party are down and we're relying entirely on some polar bears we adopted to finish the fight#and trusting the bears to a) not kill the possessed party member outright as well as b) not touching the Cursed Items and getting possessed#also the druid is a werebear and bit our rogue so like. he might also catch lycanthropy. it's like a whole thing#how the fuck am i expected to sleep? how am i supposed to go to work tomorrow? and function like an adult all week?#aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa#also i got an adhd diagnosis today#it's just been a lot lmao#blorbo from my campaigns
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#bleh brian is not working. too much static#can't focus. i should sleep bc i gotta meet my boss at 8#but things i will also do tomorrow: call my fucking insurance to figure out how to use it#bc i have weird out of state insurance from my mum so like idk. but i gotta do it bc im gonna try to get an appointment with a psychiatrist#bc my brain needs psychiatric attention lol#but also the lab mate i went sampling with today recently got diagnosed with adhd and gave me the name of the plsce#and i was like tell me what ur symptoms r like. and like if i have adhd it would b the plot twist of my life#but also i have horrible horrible executive dysfunction issues and related to a lotta what she said so idk#its just that i guess adhd has always been framed around not being able to meet deadlines in school and stuff#and im like nah im good at meeting deadlines. im horriblly anxious and compulsive so i dont forget or miss deadlines or dates#but my apartment and life out of school are in shambles bc i just originated around one draining focus#and i just lay in bed and cry bc i cant clean my fucking apartment and my sink is becoming obstructed by clothes that for some reason i#cant move? like fucking i dont kno. i tend to associate my broken brain stuff to dyslexia#bc when i was tested they were like lol ur short term memory is fucking awful. very below average lmao#so i was like oh my brain is not wired right. cool. but i dunno. i just need someone to assess my brain and tell me what's wrong with it#like i dunno im still doubtful of adhd as the source but its at least more convincingly on my radar. i will doubt until i have a diagnosis#in hand lol. but gotta find psychiatrist 1st. so gotta call tomorrow#it will happen. i will make it happen#unless the day goes off thr rails lol#unrelated
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The other day I told a friend of mine that I never forget to take my ADHD meds because I fucking love my ADHD meds. I'm in my late 30s, I didn't finally get a diagnosis and meds until less than two years ago, and they have changed my entire life.
And he raised his eyebrow at me. We'd been discussing addictive medications a few minutes before, like the Tramadol I finally got from the pain specialist to take once a week or so to give me a break from my chronic pain, so I reassured him that methylpenidate (Ritalin/Concerta) is not addictive (at least not in people with ADHD).
His response? To raise his eyebrow even harder and say "Well it sure SOUNDS like it's addictive!"
And I had to explain to this man - who works in a healthcare related job by the way - that just because medication makes you feel good and helps you, just because you look forward to taking it, that doesn't make it addictive or dangerous. And he wasn't convinced.
The simple fact that I was excited to take a daily pill that has literally changed my life, after decades of fighting to get that medication, made him think I shouldn't be taking it so often. That it must inherently be dangerous.
I'm not even in America, but I'm pretty sure this attitude began there and then spread over here to Europe. This Puritan idea of "if something feels good, you must beware of it. Pleasure is dangerous, it is sinful, it is addiction, it is evil."
I know too many people who subconsciously believe that pleasure = addictive = dangerous = bad. Joy is a slippery slope to hell.
So here is your reminder for today that you don't need to be afraid of feeling good. If something improves your life, use it. Even if it is addictive - learn what that addiction means, whether the addiction is inherently dangerous or not, and whether the benefits outweigh the drawbacks and risks.
My ADHD meds are, in fact, not addictive. But I will take them every day because they make my life orders of magnitude easier. I will enjoy them every time I take them.
My tramadol is addictive. I will still take it. I will keep it on a schedule to avoid becoming addicted, primarily because addiction in this case would mean reduced effectiveness. But I am not afraid of my painkillers. They are life changing.
Take your meds, everyone. Don't let anyone scare you away from doing something that improves your life.
#adhd#medication#ritalin#concerta#methylphenidate#addiction#puritan values#neurodivergence#actually adhd#take your meds
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100000 posts!
my eye is twitching this is horrible. girl get a grip touch grass you needn't've amassed one hundred thousand posts in the seven-eight-ish years you've been on tumblr
#100000 posts#tumblr milestone#tumblr dot com may call it a milestone i call it my official autism diagnosis#funnily enough! i got my official adhd-autism-recurring depression triple-whammy diagnosis yesterday#so things are just. well and truly lining up today aren't they.#lisanna talks#ALSO??? THE FACT YOU DON'T GET A BADGE FOR THIS IS CRAZY. YOU GET ONE FOR 100 POSTS#YOU GET ONE FOR *SCROLLING PAST* 601 POSTS IN A DAY#AND NOTHING FOR 100K POSTS ON YOUR OWN BLOG???? abhorrent despicable insane cruel and homophobic
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#tag talk#just realized the intense depression and associated anger issues and intrusive violent thoughts are prolly related to the Lamictal I starte#I was like “I don't think I need this don't think it'll help but I'll try it for science” because I'll try anything once#and uhhh. I went to go to bed and realized there was a bowl with food tucked into my bed covers.#laundry all over is one thing. that's kind of normal. but food in my bed is massive warning bells so I was like uh oh that's real depressio#so anyway i messaged my dr like hey I think these meds are making me feel so fucking lethargic and despondent and also I want to kill peopl#because I would just stop taking them but I'm willing to see what she thinks.#also my current psychiatrist is really great and I like her a lot idk if I already talked about her but she's really cool.#the first one I got was an absolute dick and was passive aggressive towards me and also straight up lied in her notes about me?#said that I had said I'm not sexually active and like. bitch where did I ever say that ever that's literally untrue and you wrote it down.#like. I don't think medical professionals are supposed to lie about you actually that's kind of a big problem#also she was like “I'm not seeing adhd here at all” and wanted to do a full on adhd diagnosis before trying any meds for it#whereas my new person was just like “oh you don't have to talk about being adhd it's pretty obvious to me” and I was like kissing you kissi#ng you kissing you kissing you kissing y#but yeah. I don't think I want to keep taking these meds and I think I'm just gonna take the meds I have to today not the short term ones#some days I just don't need my adhd meds or I would rather feel my normal relatively unproductive self.#still gonna take the ssri and estrogen obvs cause those need to keep up levels in my body and also duh I wanna keep my E levels up#but the others nah my body is super sensitive to meds (or any substances tbh) so I need a break from them today I feel really unbalanced#I did have my gf deadass ask me “should I be worried?” when I mentioned the violent intrusive thoughts and I was like no no no no it's fine#because like. I've never genuinely hurt someone fully impulsively like that. it's all thoughts it's all in the head#I'm not gonna kidnap and murder and dissect anyone it's just theoretical situations my brain likes to fuck me up with.#but it does kinda suck to have people around you inherently mistrust you because of how your brain works.#my brother told me a while back that he locks his door at night because he's worried about me and you do know how fucking hurtful that is?#the person you trust enough to move out and move in with is afraid of you enough to lock their door at night.#not like that would stop me if I genuinely did try to hurt him obviously. interior door locks are a joke.#but like... that someone would hear you talk about intrusive thoughts and genuinely think you capable of them to some extent.#idk that hurts a lot.#I wish I weren't like this.
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being dramatic over angst for a moment
i actually enjoy how everyone but me writes chuuya as this highly functional man. how he's managing it. pulling himself together. cool guy.
my tastes? destruction. i get my hands on you, you suffer greatly. i don't care what canon says. i make my niche in personal agony theater. i make "my little au 🌺" and i break you in every aspect of your story and personality.
the hunting dogs conflict may not exist for me. the book. all that jazz. i'm an everything after season 3 finale never happened person. but that's where i thrive. i don't need the outside world influence to let hell loose. at least for now.
talk to me when i'm on my new meds and i'll crush the world into dust
#bsd#bsd chuuya#nakahara chuuya#aaand honestly yeah#that's really all i wanted to say#for now#oh and i have the appointment tomorrow haha!#well actually already today#it's 2am and it's in 14 hours#good luck me#let's hope i'll get my diagnosis this time#my country is REALLY down for those tasty false schizophrenia and schyzotypcal diagnoses#so i got it instead of adhd last time cause i'm over 16 now#and you can only legally get adhd diagnosis here if you're 15 or younger#but that REALLY doesn't work. like. it's clearly adhd ma'am. we both know it. some “doodle for me pls” test won't do it for me.#i'm so done with this crap really#it's kinda sad
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