#good time and i will probably cry a lot. but maybe this will just be the last gasp of getting rid of my impostor syndrome once and for all
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Couple Questions
You and Logan answer some cute couple questions!
professor logan howlett x professor fem!reader - established relationship (y'all married), cute, fluff, teasing, no y/n used, your an english professor, logan is a history professor
read on ao3 or find more parts for the series: here
a/n: not the usual update but I saw some couple questions on pinterest and thought you know what…im gonna do this because it’s cute. i may or may not also have headcanons for them lol.
What were your first impressions of each other?
You : grinning "I thought he was rude. He barely said hello when I first arrived at the mansion, just mumbled something and walked away like I wasn’t worth his time."
Logan : smirking "To be fair, I had a lot on my mind."
You : "But then I caught him staring at me in the library one day, and I thought, ‘Huh, maybe he’s not as grumpy as he looks.’ Turns out I was wrong—he’s grumpier.” teasingly nudges him
Logan : chuckling "You done? ‘Cause my first impression was that you talked too much."
You : mock gasp "Excuse me?!"
Logan : shrugging "But you had this fire about you. Didn’t take crap from anyone. Thought that was… different." pauses, his voice softening "And your laugh. First time I heard it, I couldn’t get it outta my head."
Describe the moment each of you knew you had feelings for each other.
You : thoughtful smile "I think it was when Jean told me Logan liked me. It just… clicked. All the banter, the little glances, the way he’d hover nearby even though he pretended not to care—it all made sense. Once I realized it, it was like… yeah, I like him too. It was terrifying and exciting at the same time."
Logan : scratching the back of his neck, pretending to look annoyed "She’s makin’ me sound soft already."
You : "You are soft."
Logan : ignoring her "For me, it was probably when I realized she wasn’t offended by my attitude. That’s when I knew she wasn’t just anyone. She was my someone."
Did either of you fight your feelings, or was it easy to accept?
You : snorting "Oh, we both fought it. He avoided me a lot of the time. I overthought everything —does he like me? What if I’m imagining it? What if I ruin our friendship?"
Logan : dryly "You do think too much. Me? I didn’t avoid you."
You : glaring playfully "You literally avoided the library for two weeks, and that’s your favorite place!"
Logan : grinning faintly "Alright, fine. Maybe I fought it a little. Was scared I’d mess things up. Didn’t think someone like you would want someone like me."
You : softly, brushing his hand "You’re an idiot for thinking that, but you’re my idiot."
When was the first time you said “I love you”? What prompted it?
You : "It was after a nightmare. Logan woke up in a cold sweat, muttering apologies for scaring me. But he hadn’t scared me—I just wanted to comfort him. And in the middle of me rambling about how it was okay, it just came out: ‘I love you.’"
Logan : quietly "Didn’t think I’d ever hear those words from someone. But when she said it, I couldn’t stop myself. Told her I loved her right back."
You : smiling softly "And then you called me a ‘damn fool’ for putting up with you."
Logan : shrugging "I stand by it."
Who is the big spoon, who is the little spoon?
You : "Oh, Logan’s the big spoon, obviously. But sometimes I’ll be the big spoon when he’s had a rough day. He pretends to hate it, but I know he secretly likes it."
Logan : grumbling "I don’t need a damn cocoon, sweetheart."
You : grinning "But you still let me."
What’s your favorite quality about each other?
You : "Logan’s loyalty. He’ll protect the people he loves with everything he has, even when he doesn’t think he deserves to be loved back."
Logan : looking at her, his voice softer "Her heart. She’s got this way of makin’ everyone feel like they matter. Like they’re worth somethin’. That’s rare."
You : teasingly "Stop, you’re gonna make me cry."
Logan : smirking "Good. Payback for all the times you make me feel stuff."
Who is the messiest?
You : raising her hand immediately "Me. Absolutely me."
Logan : snorting "Finally, somethin’ we agree on."
You : "Hey, at least I know where everything is in my mess. Your ‘organized’ piles confuse me."
Logan : "It ain’t hard, darlin’. One pile’s for weapons, the other’s for books. What’s so confusin’?"
Who sings in the shower?
You : grinning mischievously "Logan does. And he doesn’t even realize it half the time. It’s adorable."
Logan : deadpan "I don’t sing in the shower."
You : "Oh, so the other day when I walked by and heard you mumbling ‘Sweet Caroline’ under your breath, that wasn’t you?"
Logan : grumbling "I was hummin’ it. There’s a difference."
You : sarcastically "Sure, tough guy. Whatever helps you sleep at night."
Who likes horror movies? Who likes romance movies?
You : grinning "Logan likes horror movies, obviously. He’ll sit there, all serious, like nothing phases him. But I swear I caught him flinch once during The Exorcist ."
Logan : gruffly "Did not."
You : "You did. Anyway, I like romance movies. Logan pretends to hate them, but he always ends up watching them with me."
Logan : smirking "That’s ‘cause I know you’ll cry, and I gotta be ready to hand you tissues."
You : rolling her eyes "And yet, who was tearing up during The Notebook last week? Hmm?"
Logan : groaning "Alright, fine. I might like some of ‘em. But don’t go tellin’ anyone."
You : "Oh, your secret’s safe with me. But I’ll totally remind you next time we watch Pride and Prejudice ."
Logan : grinning, pulling her closer "You’re somethin’ else, sweetheart."
What’s your favorite memory of us?
You:thoughtfully smiling “That’s hard to pick. But… I think it was when you planned that romantic getaway for my birthday—you bought me that dress. Or when you wrote that for me poem and gave it to me for Christmas.”
Logan:grinning faintly “You mean the one where you cried ‘cause I wrote you that little poem in the book?”
You:mock gasping “You wrote me a poem , Logan. Of course, I cried! I still have that dress, by the way.”
Logan:chuckling, his voice softer now “That was a good one. But for me? I think it’s our wedding. Just you, me, and those vows I wrote on a scrap of paper. You called me an idiot for cryin’ halfway through.”
You:sniffing dramatically “And I’ll call you an idiot for it again, but only because you cried first. You set me off.”
Logan:smirking “You weren’t even gonna cry ‘til I pulled out that damn lucky pen you gave me.”
You:“Well, yeah, it’s our lucky pen, Logan! What did you expect?”
Hugs or kisses?
You:grinning slyly “Kisses. Definitely kisses.”
Logan:raising an eyebrow “Really? I’d say hugs.”
You:blinking in mock surprise “Logan Howlett likes hugs? Who are you and what have you done with my husband?”
Logan:shrugging, smirking a little “What can I say? There’s somethin’ about you wrappin’ yourself around me that just feels right.”
You:melting a little before recovering quickly “Okay, you win that one. But kisses still come with extra perks.”
Logan:grinning wickedly “Oh, I know.”
Who finds it harder to admit they’re wrong?
You:“Oh, Logan. 100% Logan.”
Logan:gruffly “What? That’s not true.”
You:glaring playfully “Logan, you once argued with me for three hours about the best way to cook eggs—only to realize you were wrong and never admit it.”
Logan:grumbling “That’s ‘cause your way still doesn’t make sense.”
You:crossing her arms “Oh, it makes perfect sense, tough guy. You’re just stubborn.”
Logan:grinning faintly “Alright, fine. Maybe I don’t like bein’ wrong.”
You:“Maybe?!”
Who’s the boss in the marriage?
You:smirking, pointing to herself “Obviously me.”
Logan:laughing softly “Yeah, you think so, huh?”
You:“Logan, who does the meal planning? The laundry schedules? Who makes sure you actually remember birthdays and anniversaries?”
Logan:grinning “Alright, you. But who fixes stuff when it breaks? Who makes sure no one bothers you when you’re havin’ a bad day? Who makes the coffee in the mornin’ exactly how you like it?”
You:softening, smiling sweetly “Alright, fine. We’re both the boss in different ways. But let’s be honest—when it comes to arguments, you fold first.”
Logan:mock scowling “Only ‘cause you give me those damn eyes. Ain’t fair.”
Who has the best jokes?
You:grinning smugly “Me. Hands down.”
Logan:snorting “Yeah, okay. But only ‘cause your jokes are so bad, they’re funny.”
You:“Excuse me?!”
Logan:grinning “Sweetheart, half your jokes are puns. Don’t get me wrong, I love seein’ you crack yourself up, but best jokes? Nah.”
You:frowning in mock offense “Fine, then let’s hear one of your so-called ‘good’ jokes.”
Logan:deadpan “Why’d the history book break up with the science book? No chemistry.”
You:blinking, then laughing despite herself “Okay, that was actually pretty good. Damn it.”
Who is grumpier?
You:“Oh, Logan. No contest.”
Logan:shrugging, unbothered “Yeah, probably.”
You:giggling “You’re basically a walking thundercloud until you’ve had your coffee. And even then, you’ve got about an hour before you start growling at people.”
Logan:smirking “That’s true, but you’re no ray of sunshine when you’re hungry.”
Who gets angry when they’re hungry?
You:immediately “Okay, fine. That’s me. But in my defense, you always know when to feed me before I get too hangry.”
Logan:chuckling “Damn right I do. Learned that the hard way on one of our first dates.”
You:giggling “Oh, you mean the time you forgot to feed me after making me hike five miles, and I almost bit your head off?”
Logan:grinning “Yup. You didn’t even wait for the food to hit the table before tearin’ into me. Thought I was gonna lose a hand.”
You:grinning sheepishly “Hey, at least you didn’t run for the hills.”
Logan:softly, leaning closer “Nah, sweetheart. I’d take your hangry self over anyone else any day.”
#logan howlett#wolverine#fluff#x men logan#x men wolverine#james logan howlett#marvel#hugh jackman#professor logan#professor logan howlett#x men movies#days of future past#professor reader#logan howlett fluff
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Umm... longest yap ever. Also sorry for the amount of times I talk about Majestic Repertory.
1. Majestic Repertory Theatre's production of RTC (Nevada).
2. My favorite characters are Misha, Ricky, and Constance. I also love Talia a lot, I just don't like that we know basically nothing about her.
3. I really love Jane Doe, but she'd probably be my least favorite. The concept of her character is really fascinating and I love the eeriness, and I get that it's the point no one knows anything about her, but it's easier to favor a character if I actually know what they are like and more about them.
4. My favorite songs are either Talia or Sugar Cloud. Not just because they're my favorite characters solos, but because of how gorgeous they are. Talia is a heartbreaking song and I love how much Mischa is pining for Talia. Sugar Cloud is such a sweet song and it simultaneously makes me cry because of how happy it makes me and how sad it makes me.
5. My least favorite song is Every Story's Got a Lesson. It's catchy, but doesn't really live up to the other songs.
6. From favorite to least favorite, this is my ranking of the openers,
Tragic Fact from 2013 Canadian Tour. The vocals are so ominous to me and I love how it's actually mostly accurate to what happened to Uranium City and how it essentially fell.
Waiting For The Drop from 2018 Seattle run. It is such a catchy and fun song and I specifically love the "round and round" when it sounds like it's echoing, and the end when their bodies are tossing around and it sounds like they're screaming and then just stop and become calm.
U-R-A-N-I-U-M from the 2015 transition from Canada to America. The overlapping vocals that sound a little bit like screaming, Jane's high note that normally lasts a long time in the Fall Fair Suite's just falling and never lasting, Rielle's voice in specific, it's just all so good.
Fall Fair Suite from 2016 NYC Off-Broadway. In specific, the part that went viral on TikTok is my favorite. Especially Gus Halper's voice in that specific part. It's just also very fun.
Fall Fair Suite from 2015 Chicago. Again, it's very fun and funky. LOVE Misha beatboxing randomly.
The Uranium Suite from 2019 Atlanta + all the productions afterwards. Listen, it's a very good song and I love the overlapping, but it is a little bland compared to the others and it's also just a watered down version of Tragic Fact.
7. My favorite cut song is probably Play to Win. It's a horrible song lyrically in a moral aspect and the lyrics are disgusting, but it is very unfortunately catchy.
8. Corey is definitely my favorite cut character. He's just such a silly and fun guy. His rap is a little disturbing in some parts but I fw it.
9. Probably the least popular opinion I have is that ships aren't necessary. I'm saying this as a multishipper and as someone who loves rare pairs, while ships are very fun, they aren't necessary to the plot and I would love the show just as much if there was absolutely nothing romantic or something that could be seen as romantic in it. Emily Rohm has also spoken on that, that she's open to no ships and she's also open to most ships and I agree.
10. I have a lot of favorite ships... I basically like every single non problematic ship in the show, but my top three are probably Pitchperfect (Misha and Ocean), Starrypoets (Ricky and Noel), and Soundcloud (Misha and Constance).
Pitchperfect because I unfortunately love the good girl x bad boy trope. I also love the development they go through from Ocean blatantly being a bad person to Misha, to her slowly warming up to him and them interacting more and learning to tolerate each other, to them fully being friends (or more).
Starrypoets because how similar yet different they are, and how they could potentially bond over that. Noel is nihilistic and sees the beauty in death, leaving life behind while Ricky is existentialist and sees the beauty in life and humanity, I could see them talking about it together and maybe debating. I also like that they both are someone else in their dreams and daydream a lot, they could also potentially talk about that together. I especially love to imagine Ricky adding a cat into the Zolar universe but it's Monique as a cat, or Noel creating a client that goes to Monique, but it's just Space Age Bachelor Man prior to becoming a cat and living on Zolar himself. In the Majestic Repertory Theatre production, they also interact a lot more and are sort of a friend group with Constance.
Soundcloud because of the thought of Misha sort of being a protector for Constance and being her biggest supporter. Constance is insecure while Misha is confident, and I like to imagine Misha helping her to build confidence. During TSIA, Constance is also a main part and I personally like to think about how it meant she could've been a feature on some of his raps.
11. Besides the obvious ones (Noel x any girl, Ricky x Ocean, etc.) I personally don't like Perfectdolls. I'm not a huge fan of Jane Doe ships in general, I like some but I don't like Perfectdolls because of how mean and distant Ocean was up until the birthday scene and as soon as she started talking nicely about Jane Doe, she switched the topic back to herself and then ended up sending Jane back. While it is the perfect setup for a forbidden love, which I like, I hate how it's set up in this specific ship.
12. Ray Winters (Majestic Rep) , Emily Rohm (American Tour) , Alex Wyse (2016 NYC), Gus Halper (2016 NYC), Ella Culbreath (Stone Productions), the entire cast of Majestic Rep in general, Lillian Castillo (American Tour), Rielle Braid (Canadian Tour).
13. I don't really have a specific answer for this one, but Majestic Rep and Station Theatre have really good representations for almost every ship. There's also another theatre that does really good with basically every Jane Doe ship, which like I said, I don't really like normally but this theatre does really well to portray them. I don't remember the theatre name. ☹️
14. Umm... again, the way every character in the Majestic Rep production is portrayed scratches my brain so well. I also really like how Karnak is portrayed by Karl Hamilton (American Tour).
15. Is this is a safe place to say that my favorite versions of every song is the Majestic Rep production. I feel annoying for talking about it so much but the brain rot is real.
16. The best set is the one from California State University, Stanislaus. The ginormous clown with a broken rollercoaster track coming out its mouth is actually the coolest thing ever, and I love how cramped and cluttered it looks, especially because they are in a warehouse so obviously it would be pretty cluttered. My favorite costume designs are the ones from Arkansas University because I love the light pink. And unfortunately, McCarter Theatre also has really good costume designs, especially in Talia even though I hate that production.
17. Honestly, any performance of Talia is my favorite vocal wise. Also, Stone Productions' version of the Ballad of Jane Doe, 2016 NYC's Space Age Bachelor Man, Majestic Rep's Sugar Cloud, also any song sung by Rielle Braid or Sarah Jane Peltzer.
18. Ocean being a hypochondriac. Noel being a maladaptive daydreamer. Misha religiously listening to Eminem. Talia doing photography and sending the pictures to Misha. Ricky also developing maladaptive daydreaming. Jane Doe having a weird arsenal of odd facts adding onto the one about lions. Constance watching animated kids shows still.
19. I personally really like the canvas theory, which is Jane Doe being a canvas everyone else gets to project onto, especially in Talia. How in the American Tours, she's the one in front for the choreography and is the main one being projected onto, Misha could be using the lack of identity there for a canvas for Talia. As well as the Savannah scene too. I also really like the theory that the cyclone malfunctioning was mainly on purpose. One of my friends had told me that their theory was that because of how many times Jane Doe refers to fathers and killing children (her catchphrase and "time eats all his children in the end" during TBOJD) that the cyclone malfunctioning had something to do with Penny Lamb's father. At first, I didn't really like that theory but then I watched Emily Rohm's video about how the cyclone malfunction was caused in her personal opinion, and I agree with it fully now. Basically it's Penny Lamb's father messing with it planning on scaring her but not realizing that he messed with it so badly that it fully derailed the thing and killed everyone.
20. Umm... my fanfic that I'm writing! I don't really read many fanfics, so idk.
21. mercywashere, winnie.macjinnie, silly.fran7, severedh3ad, zolarianstarcluster, idk-tbh-idk, NEWDARLINGZ, splish_splash_im_trash, 4pplec0re
22. Yes! I have an OC named Liz (cause I like my name) and she is the weirdest girl in town. She's kind of just a very peculiar girl who prefers to keep to herself unless she's talked to first. The type of girl to skip around in a forest alone. The type of girl who was really fascinated with bugs growing up while all the other children were scared. The type of girl who dressed absurdly unlike everyone else and is made fun of for it. The type of girl to know a gross amount of facts about every subject. She's also a huge hypochondriac because I am too, and autistic like me, which is a huge reason she's called weird because no one really understands autism or hypochondria in a small dying town in the 2000s when everyone is closed minded and doesn't understand anyone who isn't exactly like them. Here's a list of how she interacts or feels about the other characters, and how they feel about her!
Liz and Ocean tend to avoid each other, just because Ocean believes that she's a bad influence on her and would drag her down, which causes Ocean to stereotype Liz. After the cyclone incident, they sort of started to understand each other but not really and Ocean apologizes, Liz forgives, and they move on.
Liz and Noel are pretty close friends. They don't talk all the time, but they have some pretty interesting conversations and Noel trusts her enough to show her some of his poems even though he's not proud of them, and she's incredibly supportive of each and every single one. Liz is so impressed by Noel's Lament and keeps asking him questions about Monique Gibeau throughout the rest of the competition, which is a little annoying to Noel but he's also glad that someone cares enough to ask.
Liz and Misha aren't extremely close but also sometimes talk. Misha is also kind of seen as a weirdo because of the xenophobia running rampant in Uranium and also the whole rap thing, so Misha sometimes let's her talk about her interests with minimal complaints from him and he gets into a lot of fights with other kids at school to protect her from getting bullied. He kind of sees Liz as a younger sister.
Liz and Ricky aren't close in life, but after the cyclone, they become really close friends. When they were alive, they always felt a little bad for each other because of how ignorant everyone was to each of them but they never interacted, but once Liz found out that Ricky was also a gigantic nerd and weirdo like her, she sort of clung to him and he enjoyed having a friend who could relate to him to a certain extent. I also might make them a ship because OC x canon is life and life is OC x canon.
Liz and Jane Doe are... alright with each other. They're both very peculiar and have silent interactions, but rarely actually talk to each other. And they're both very fascinated by each other, because girls with actual human heads are out of the ordinary for Jane Doe and girls with porcelain doll heads are out of the ordinary for Liz.
Liz and Constance also don't interact much, mainly just small waves in the hallway during passing or small talk about choir performances. After the cyclone though, they become a little closer and Liz stands up for Constance a few times and then they have a giant hug after Sugar Cloud.
Liz and the Lambs are extremely close in life because of how all three of them are outcasts and they basically do everything together. It also makes Liz and Penny's deaths so much sadder because they're both leaving behind Ezra and Liz can't identify her own best friend in death, and barely interacts with her because obviously, she doesn't realize that Jane Doe is actually Penny.
23. I would likely be called the quietest person in town, or the quietest girl in town. For catchphrase, I'm not really sure.
24. My favorite dialogue is the entire Every Story's Got a Lesson scene, but specifically from the 2016 production.
25. I really want to see an actual Ukrainian play Misha one day, instead of having to put on an accent and all that. I also want to see maybe a production use very maximalist set of costumes? It sounds really cool.
26. Um... Majestic Repertory Theatre, Station Theatre, Roxy's Downtown Theatre, Hayes Theatre Co., Showstopper Productions, Stone Productions, and a lot more but I forgot the names.
27. 2016 Off-Broadway, as well as the audios for all three official American tour productions, obviously Majestic Rep, Chance Theatre, Station Theatre, Stone Productions, Roxy's Downtown Theatre, half of the Hayes Theatre Co., and unfortunately the McCarter Theatre. I've also seen it live at a high school I live close to.
28. Like I said, I've seen it live at a local high school. It was so good and I also had a huge crush on the actor for Misha for the longest time.
29. Likely Jane Doe, I have bad memory so I wouldn't be able to remember all my lines if I had to play one of the other characters where Jane Doe has very few lines. I also worked at a haunted house where I had to act really creepy when I was younger so I think I got that down, I also can hit the notes of TBOJD really well and I like to think I sound good. I also have a very stiff body and am likely struggling with a health issue regarding my muscles and how I can move my body, and Jane Doe moves stiffly in lots of productions so that gives me an excuse for being stiff.
30. My favorite part about the show itself is how myself and everyone else can connect to the characters in some way and how it can genuinely help people deal with grief and mourning. I also really like how all the characters connect and that even if two characters don't interact much, they still have a possibility of getting along very well if they were to interact more and how that also makes the fandom think about the what if's about all the potential friendships and relationships that the characters could be put in. My favorite part of the fandom is how easy it is to connect to each other, or at least in my case.
Sorry for literally the longest yap EVER. I don't get to talk about this much and especially in depth. ☹️☹️☹️
Ride The Cyclone Ask Game!!!
Just some fun little questions!! Please do rant as much as you want with any and all of your answers :D
Favourite production?
Favourite character?
Least favourite character?
Favourite song?
Least favourite song?
How would you rank the opening songs?
Favourite cut song?
Favourite cut character?
Unpopular opinion? Or if you don't have any, a popular opinion you agree with?
Favourite ship?
Least favourite ship/ship that you don't understand the hype for?
Favourite RTC actor(s)?
Favourite representation of [insert ship]?
Favourite interpretation of [insert character]?
Favourite take on [insert song]?
Favourite costumes/set design?
Favourite vocal performance?
What are your headcanons for [insert character]?
Do you have any theories?
Favourite RTC fanfic/fic author/fic recs in general?
Favourite RTC fanart/fanartist/any fanart you love?
Do you have any OCs? If so what are they like?
What would your catchphrase be and/or what 'The ___ in Town' would you be called?
Favourite line of dialogue?
Something you haven't seen in a production that you want to?
Any underrated productions you love?
How many productions have you watched? Which ones?
Have you ever been to see a RTC production?
If you were in a production of RTC, who would you play?
Overall favourite part of RTC and/or the fandom?
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I just had a thought for your new series.
Everyone in the obx kinda knows how Luke is but noone says anything. Maybe JJ shows up to babysit and he had a bruise/black eye or cut basically an obvious injury and toddler readers parents recognise what it's from and invite him to spend a few nights in their guest room under the guise of babysitting because they know he won't accept help
Feel free to completely ignore this, I literally just woke up and had the thought so I thought I'd share- :3
-a very shy mutual lol 😅
Omg hi my sweet moot!! Hope you like this :3
You're sitting on the living room sofa, wriggling your feet as you watch Bluey on the tv while eating your snack, occasionally seeing your parents pass by.
They're getting ready for their date and instead of whining and crying for them to stay you're giddy with excitement and can't wait for JJ finally to arrive.
You gasp when you hear the doorbell ring, jumping off the couch to run towards the front door barely reaching the handle you open it quickly, squealing at the sight of JJ.
JJ chuckles, your adorable face distracting him from the throbbing pain from the lingering bruises and cuts on his face that you luckily haven't noticed yet as you hug his legs.
"Oh, JJ, honey good you're here. We're almost ready to go. She already had dinner but still needs her bath before going to sleep." Your mother tells him as she puts on her coat while your father puts on his shoes.
"No problem, we'll manage this, huh?" He grins down at you.
She turns to face him, her smile fading at the state the teenager is in. Obviously your parents know about his father and the probably bad environment JJ is living in, your mother's heart aching at the sight before him.
JJ has a forming bruise on his cheek and cuts on his eyebrow and his bottom lip, but still smiling down at the little princess that's clinging to his legs. Your parents share a look, already figuring what must have happened.
"Hey, buddy, um we really got a lot on our plate the next few days and wanted to ask if you would maybe sleep here in our guest room for the rest of the week? It would really take some pressure from our shoulders knowing our baby is taken care of." Your father asks him, grabbing the car keys from their designed bowl.
"Uh, yea...sure." He says, not noticing the true intent of the request but agrees nonetheless, he could never say no to spending time with you. "You heard that, cupcake? We're gonna have a sleepover."
"Yay! C'mon Jay! I gots to show you m'new critter family!" You squeak, pulling at his hand to drag him to your room.
As soon as you both disappear from their sight your mother sighs. "I'm worried about him."
Your father nods, grabbing her hand and kissing the back of it. "Me too. But we can't do much since he won't accept it. I'm glad he agreed to stay, tho. Now, come on, let's give him some time to relax here."
You're happily showing him your new calico critter set that you got after your dentist appointment. Introducing each critter to him, you both sitting on the fluffy carpet of your room.
"And dis S'Jay 'cause he reminds me of you!" You smile, handing him the tiny figure, looking up at his face for his reaction you furrow your brows in confusion.
Without thinking you reach up to touch his cheek and JJ winces, gently taking your wrist and pulling it away from his face. "Don't touch it please, um...it-"
"Hurts? You got boo-boos?" You ask curiously and he nods, a small smile on his face at your innocent question.
"Yeah, but it's fine." He says, watching how you rush out of your room.
He gets up from the ground and follows after you, seeing you just as you're about to enter the bathroom and as he's about to enter you rush back out and bump into his legs, JJ grabbing your shoulders to keep you steady with a chuckle. "Careful there. Watcha got there?"
You motion for him to come closer and he leans down, not expecting you to suddenly place a bandaid on his cheek, grabbing another one from the colorful package that you place over the cut on his eyebrow.
JJ's face softens at the action, picking you up when it seems you were done with nursing his wounds. "Thank you..."
You smile at him brightly, leaning closer to press a kiss on each bandaid. "Kisses make me feels better."
His heart almost explodes at your cute gesture, letting you tuck your face in his neck as you wrap your arms around it he could feel a single tear slip down his cheek, grateful for having someone who doesn't question him or tells him that he should get help and do something about his dad.
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@my-river-lilly @pauntedblacknails @fanfictioniseverything @devilslilbabysblog @buckymydarlingangel @hallecarey1 @daybreakwinter @loveshineslikethesky @wandaslittlewhore @vase-of-lilies @white-wolf1940 @simpingbutch @mischiefsemimanaged @alina02 @teddybearsgrr @doozywoozy @angelbabydoll28 @glxwingrxse @lilymurphy03 @veryvaughnny @lokigirlszendaya @youngstarfishdinosaur @little--baby--bear @minideathgoddess @rach2602 @gh0stgurl @flourishandblotts-inc @lovelyy-moonlight @yoruse
@mythixmagic @iris-xoxo-juhu @mylettterstoyou @sunf1ower16
For JJ:
@chiaraanatra @chimindity @flora-eva
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Linked Universe Headcanons: What I think each of their roles would be in a boy band
I'm surprised how popular my prev one was! I was chatting to a non fan friend and she was curious what they would be like in a band, and asked me who the rapper would be...I reckon WILD hahah
Anyways...
Time: Not an active member but used to be a solo artist back in the day, he doesn't like being in the limelight as much and mentors/manages the rest of them. Still has that suave quality, a total heart throb and occasionally hosts a one off concert only available to the VIPS. He was the IT boy back in the day.
Warriors: Leader of the band and all rounder. He's a complete heartbreaker, can sing, and dance every style and fans go crazy over him. Very charismatic and flirty, knows how to make a fan feel special at a meet and greet and always takes a photo with them.
Twilight: I think lead guitarist, can sing beautifully and has one of the most charming voices, also very yeehaw and country when he goes on solo tour dates or drops his album. He's dripping with quiet confidence and doesn't share too much about his private life to fans, likes to keep a boundary between his private and professional life but will always be kind of them and never deny a photo or autograph
Sky: Has a beautiful voice, more shy and s o f t, he's one of the more quieter members and doesn't like being on camera as much but doesn't hate it either. Has that sweet prince charming vibe that everyone loves, would probably be a part time model on top of his band duties. Can play the guitar and bass
Wild: Absolute hardcore. He's def the main rapper and won't pass up the chance to drop any bars. He'll def go on rap battle tv shows and break EVERYONE. Mans got flow and swag, especially after getting a full arm of tattoos. What's the backstory behind them? He'll change it everytime he's on an interview. Absolute coolest dude on earth, fans LOVE him and how chill he is but you don't want to get on this guy's bad side or you'll be on his diss track list. Even the others are slightly scared of him. Always on social media posting selfies and updates, or threatening other artists that come for him or his band. Likes to film the other members to until Time tells him to cut it out and touch grass
Legend: I can see him having a lot of range in his voice, very powerful and can sing ballads. One of the lead singers and occasionally helps with writing songs. He CAN dance if he puts his heart and soul into it. He loves writing poetry and secretly writes love songs for himself based on a special girl, but he'll tear them up before anyone sees them. Would Probably records an incredible, heartfelt song he wrote and composed himself on his instagram then delete it after 5 hours beccause he'll be like, why the hell did I just do that? Fans would cry, wishing he would post more gems like that. Hates to be in the front but also fairly confident in his skills. Fans adore him because you can just see he's actually a big softie on the inside despite that tough exterior he puts up. Secretly jealous of Wild's rap ability, can't rap to save his life but maybe, one day.
Hyrule:
One of the lead singers, has the most melodic voice and can absolutely stun a crowd with his angelic vocals. Like Legend, also is one of the members with the most range. You know when you see someone in person and their just glowing? Yea, that's him. Sweetest celeb ever, everyone that's worked with him only has good things to say about this guy. Definitely has the most potential to go solo as well with his incredible piano skills. Can also play almost every other instrument, an absolute talent in everything. He also sponsors charities every now and then and interacts with fans on social media. Can do contemporary dance
Wind/Four: Tbh I think they would be good in broad way, both are great singers and still very much fanboys to the others. Their working their way, still in training. Can definitely see Wind going big on broadway and theatre and specialising in tap dance
Can you guess who is my bias? Or who's your bias? hehe
#legend of zelda#linked universe#lu legend#twilight lu#lu warriors#lu wild#fanfic#zelda au#headcanon#headcannons#my headcanons#lu sky#lu time#lu four#lu hyrule#link boyband#this is what i reckon they would be like in a boy band
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Jack and Joker - final thoughts
Since the takes in the tags are... quite all over, I just want to be open about how I approach watching QLs.
1. I'm here to have fun. Real life sucks immensely right now, and QLs are my happy place.
2. I'm very aware that I am a white woman from a Western country and that I am a guest in East Asian spaces. I have internalized biases because of my background, and I believe it's my responsibility to learn and grow and figure out how to be open to other cultures & experiences without jumping to assumption.
3. I love metaphorical storytelling. I love when people take risks and try something new. I don't care if there are some logical inconsistencies or issues with budget. I am here for how it makes me feel, and what I can learn from it.
So, all that being said...
I had such a good time with this show!
I'm still processing a lot about it, and I know I will be thinking about it for some time to come. But they did so much that I appreciated. I don't have the time to go into great detail, but in very broad terms - what I loved:
Of course Yin and War. What an incredible job they did. I know this was a really challenging project for them, and they took a lot of personal risks. They are so conscientious about harmful tropes and stereotypes, and deliberate in working to break those down. I'm so proud of them, and excited to see where they go from here.
The characters. From the leads to the sides, I just adored so many of them. Jack and Joke were both such imperfect and flawed characters, but that made them so interesting to me. I loved our little troupe of idiots. I loved Toi Ting. I loved Grandma. Everyone was so vividly portrayed. Hope and Save's devotion to one another. Tattoo and Arun gradually becoming boyfriends without either one noticing. The fanfics are gonna be fire.
The storytelling. Yin and War could have easily made a fluffy romance, and people would have eaten it all up (and probably complained a lot less, lol). But it wouldn't have really said anything. They wanted to do something more complex than that. They had a lot to say about being trapped in a political & economic system that is not of our choosing and that we have no control over, and what it means for individuals to try and live out their ethics and values while knowing the system is not going anywhere. Save being the new Boss isn't a perfect solution, it's not a "yay, it's all better now!". It's a "well at least this position that will be filled one way or another is filled by a slightly less shitty person now, so maybe we can live our lives without being beaten up this year". And the Four Horsemen don't go anywhere, because systems of power are fixed. We remain beholden to them. But we can still try to carve out our little pieces of a place to hold true to ourselves and those we love.
Overall, this show made me laugh, made me cry, and made me literally applaud alone in my apartment. It wasn't perfect, there were flaws, but damn was it an incredible experience.
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We surface eventually, and clamber down the back stairs and out into sharp morning light, squinting against the sun. I feel like a vampire. My friends’ faces are gaunt and drawn, eyes still black. They look like they’ve been dead for a week.
Except Jen, sober Jen, who smiles sleepily and stretches her arms, breath condensing in the cold air. “God, that was mad,” she says. “What time is it?”
“Eight,” I say. Being out in the daylight like this is always weird, with families walking around, people going to work, while we are like creatures who have dug our way out of the earth, lurching toward home amongst the living. My mouth is so dry, and my jaw hurts. I foresee an afternoon spent throwing up, head in the toilet bowl, groaning as Jonas hammers on the door, appealing to my sense of humanity by reminding me there’s only one bathroom in the apartment.
“Oh, well, I should probably pack my bags and stuff.” Jen says.
I rub my eyes. “Oh, your flight.”
“Oh, Jen,” Dalia says with a big sad face, “I wish you could stay,” they hug, and rock each other side to side. “Please, come back and visit. This was so fun.”
“I swear!” Jen says. “I love you guys. Come see me in Dublin!”
“Don’t make them go there,” I say, to which she laughs. “Actually, yeah. Never mind. I’ll come back here! And for longer!”
“Please!” Elias and Dalia cry in unison, and then we leave, trudging toward the train station.
She snoozes on my shoulder on the U-Bahn, while Jonas and I, wired, wide awake, stare at our reflections in the window all the way back to Kreutzberg.
I lie on my bed, eyes on the cracks on the ceiling, while Jen shoves things into her suitcase. She’s cleaned off all her makeup, leaving black smudged wiped crumpled on the surrounding floor.
“This was so fun,” she’s saying. “I had such a good time. I mean, last night was amazing. Did you see I kissed that girl with the fan?”
“The fan?”
“Yeah, she was carrying this weird, lacy fan. Anyway, she was dead pretty. I wish I’d gotten her number.”
“Why didn’t you?”
“I tried, but she didn’t speak English. There was no point.”
“So you didn’t speak before you starting kissing her.”
“No, we didn’t need to. I just met her eyes across the dancefloor and we both knew.”
“Ah, nice.”
The mattress shifts under her weight, and her face slides into my vision, pink cheeked, with eyeliner still smudged in the spaces between her lashes. “You’re coming down.”
“Yep.”
“Poor Judie. Rough day ahead.”
“Honestly, it’ll probably be a few days. A week, even.”
“Oof. Do you do this a lot?”
“Too much, probably.”
“Oh well,” she plonks back down to the rug and continues shoving things into her case. “At least I know you’re having fun over here. I’d be worried you’re suffering.”
“Do you worry about that?”
“Kind of.”
I laugh gently. “No, Jenny. I’m not suffering. Things are good.”
She struggles with the zip, and it rasps lowly against the bulk. “I was worried I wouldn’t like your friends, you know. I’m glad I met them, because they’re amazing.”
“Yeah?”
“Yeah. I wish they were my friends. Jonas is adorable. Elias too, so fun, and Dalia is probably the coolest girl I ever met in my life. I never got to ask her what part of America she comes from.”
“Pittsburgh.”
“I dunno where that is.”
“Nowhere close to where I grew up.”
“You sound different when you talk to her.”
Turning my head is an effort, and the room lurches a little. Later, I’ll probably be so dizzy that standing up feels like getting off the waltzers. “How so?”
“Your accent gets more American. Did you know that?”
“No.”
“Well, it does. I suppose when you’re talking to someone from the states you kind of copy what they’re doing, or something. It’s just funny, because you weren’t like that at home.”
“With dad?”
“Yeah.”
“Well, it’s not like I really talk to him, is it?”
She pauses thoughtfully. “Well, I’ve heard you say ‘okay’ to him a few times.”
“Hm,” I say. “Well, maybe I’ll lose my Irish accent while I’m here.”
“Would you like to?”
I shrug. “Sure.”
I shut my eyes in the hopes it will stave off the wave of dizziness that comes over me. My temples throb gently with the onset of a headache. I half listen as Jen goes on about how great my friends are, Jonas, Elias, Dalia. Perhaps she’s hoping I won’t notice who she has left out, but she is wrong.
“What did you think of Astrid?” I say, and she pauses, just for a beat, before answering with enormous enthusiasm.
“Oh, she’s gorgeous. You were right. Even better in person than in the pictures.”
“Yeah.” I roll on my side. “She’s incredible looking, I know, but… like, did you like her?”
“Of course I did.”
“Yeah?”
“She’s so nice.”
I hesitate. Astrid isn’t that nice. At least it’s not a word I would use to describe her ahead of something like intelligent, confident, shrewd. Out of all the traits she has that I admire, I couldn’t say her niceness is something that sticks out. It’s not important to me, and I require it from her. Nice isn’t untrue, exactly, but it's not a real answer.
“Your opinion is really important to me,” I say, and she busies herself in her backpack, double checking for her phone charger and passport.
“No, I mean it,” she says distractedly. “She seems to care a lot about you, and that’s the main thing, you know what I mean?”
On my elbow now, I look at her, pulling things out of her bag and shoving them back in, and my anxiety rises. I wanted our dinner to go a little better, sure, and they could have hit it off more than they did, but Astrid is Astrid. She’s a tough nut to crack at the first meeting. It takes a while for her to warm up, to get comfortable. She takes some getting used to.
“I know things were a bit awkward there, when we were talking about school, and she didn’t have anything to say and all that.”
She waves this off. ‘No, it’s fine. She didn’t have to say anything. I was more worried about whether we were annoying her by talking about it so much.”
“I doubt it.”
“It’s alright, like, she doesn’t need to have the same humour as me.”
I frown. “Well, you and I have the same humour. In fact, we’re so alike that I thought you’d get along with her.”
“We got along.”
“But you weren’t bowled over.”
She sighs, “Jude, don’t make me talk myself into an awkward position.”
“I’m not doing that. I’m just wondering what you thought.”
“Yeah, but it’s like you’re not accepting my answer.”
“You haven’t answered.”
“I have. I said she’s nice.”
“Yeah, but like, ‘nice’ is a non-answer.”
“She’s not what I expected, right? But there’s nothing wrong with that. I just always thought you’d prefer to go out with a girl that laughed at the same things as you, or was silly and goofy, or, I don’t know, less… severe. I’ll meet Astrid again, and I’m sure I’ll be bowled over. We just didn’t have a lot of time to get to know each other. It was only a few hours, and, I dunno, Jonas was there too, and I was talking to him, mostly.”
“I–” I decide to ignore the first part about the girls I supposedly like. “Well, I hope so. I’d be pretty sad if my girlfriend and my best friend didn’t get along.”
“Everyone is friendly here.”
“Right.”
“I can tell you don’t believe me.”
I sigh reluctantly, and fall back onto the bed. My headache makes my brain slosh against the inside of my skull. “Jenny, I do. I believe you,” I say. “And I’m glad you like her. It’d be really fucking shit for me if you didn’t.”
“Well, I do.”
“I’m glad.”
“Good.”
Beginning // Prev // Next
#lucky boy 2011#sorry for late post I’m painting a ceiling lol#sims 4 story#ts4#sims 4#sims 4 storytelling#sims storytelling#sims story#simblr#simblr story
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Going overboard, 1: Memento Mori
Okay, so first the prologue, and now the first chapter. As I've said before, not all chapters include a Josh-interactions because of accuracy to the game, so you'll just have to live with it. If you haven't read the Prologue, go to my profile, then the masterlist, Josh Washington. You'll find it there. Get ready for tomorrow!
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Chapter 1: Memento Mori
After what happened up on the mountain last year, Josh didn’t stay in touch. At first we all tried to talk to him, help him, but we gave up one after another. He talked with Sam a lot. I think she did the most she could until he cut contact. I didn’t want to put too much on him, and we all were in grief as well, so it probably was the best solution.
Sam and I had regular coffees. It helped us both. We shared stories about them, and she told me about everything which happened that night. The prank wasn’t about me, nor Josh. Not even Beth, but she still had to suffer the consequences. Poor Beth, and poor Hannah. We all knew she had a thing for Mike, but setting her up like that was not okay. I now despised them all, Jessica, Emily, Mike, Matt, Ashley. Matt was such a sweet guy, I couldn’t imagine him standing there with a camera, recording everything. For me though, Ashley hurt the most. I loved her, I truly did, but I cut contact quickly after I got to know about the evening. She sent me a bunch of texts, begging me to talk to her. She was sorry, she was drunk, caught up in the moment, and everyone was doing it so she felt like she had to. She never knew that the aftermath would be as bloody as it did. I still didn’t text her back.
A month before the anniversary of their disappearance, Sam got a video message from Josh. He invited her up to the cabin again, stating that this would be a way to honour their memory, and relive the experience, but with a good ending. There would be booze, partying and just making new memories. Based on the video, it seemed like he asked everyone in the old group. Everyone except me. I felt hurt. Betrayed in a way. I was one of the few he talked to, cried to. Our relationship didn’t evolve after the event, but I was still there for him, trying to comfort him. Sam told me that I should come with her, but I declined. If he didn’t want me there, it was okay. She couldn’t understand why, but she kept being insistent, urging me to give it a chance. I didn’t have to be there the whole time, and if I wanted to, I could leave the very next day since the bus went through the area once every day.
It would be good to talk to Josh, maybe even if he didn’t want to. I was selfish, I knew that, but I had to see him. I wanted to see how he was doing, how he was feeling. This also made me think of Chris. He would probably be there, and I hadn’t kept in touch with him either. I felt bad, but at the same time, we weren’t that close. I knew that he still hung out with Ashley sometimes, and maybe that made me a bit afraid. Maybe she would try to contact me through him? Maybe I wasn’t just selfish. Ashley also needed to talk. Talk to me, clear the air. I would let her. I finally agreed to come with Sam up to the cabin.
***
The bus is empty, except for Sam and I of course. She didn’t pack much, and I didn’t either. I figured that I wouldn’t stay long. I just needed to talk to people, get some weights off my shoulders. The radio is playing, and no surprise, it’s about Beth and Hannah. I hold my composure, trying not to cry. The trip is long, and I end up sleeping on her shoulder for a good amount of it. Sam is watching something on her phone, but I don’t peek. I simply look out the window. There is an eerie feeling to these mountains. I felt the same last year, but this time it feels stronger. The black trees are covered in snow, untouched by animals.
Finally we reach our stop. The sign says “Blackwood Pines” and hadn’t it been for last year's events, I would still love the name. Being here for the first time felt magical, straight out of Narnia, joining a winter wonderland of mystery. Now, I feel nervous. The air isn’t as fresh, the ground not as hard and the snow was too white. Instead of smelling winter, I smell something musk, like a dead animal or rotten meat. I look over at Sam, and I think she notices too.
We start walking in silence, through the gate and up the trail. As we walk, she stops.
“Did you hear that?”
“Hear what?” I whisper, getting anxious. Maybe it’s a wild animal, a wolf or a bear.
“Hello!?” Sam shouts, and my eyes widen. Why would she do that, what if the animal looks at us as a threat now. I look around, expecting something to pop out, but it’s silent.
“Sorry, I probably just thought I heard something,” she says, continuing walking. She notices my tenseness.
“Are you okay?”
“No, absolutely not” I state, looking around again.
“Hey I get it, this is weird, but we’re doing this for Josh right,” she starts, taking my hand, stopping me.
“I hate to say it, but you need to relax. Nothing bad is going to happen, and people are just being friendly”
“I know, I know. I just can’t shake off this feeling that there’s something here”
“It’s because of last year. We’re all still thinking about it, so we know how you’re feeling”
I look up at her. She’s right, I’m not alone in this, and we’ve both been there for each other the whole year.
“Yeah, thanks for the talk. It’s just… well, weird”
“It is, but I think this is good for you. This trip could be a way for you to let go, get some closure. They both would’ve wanted that for you” she says, before pulling me into a hug. I breathe, and some of the tension lifts. Thank God I still have Sam. When we pull away she looks at me, smiling. I smile back, before looking behind her. My mouth opens, eyes widen and my breath hitches. I grab her hand, holding hard.
“S-Sam, c-c-careful. Stand s-s-till,” I whisper. She holds her breath while searching my face for answers.
“Boo!” I shout, punching her with both my hands. She screeches, jumps and I feel her pulse in her hand.
“Got you” I laugh, while she’s still trying to compose herself.
“Fucking asshole” she says. I can’t stop laughing.
“You know, you’re going to ‘wolf wolf’ me.”
“I can live with that” I continue laughing, before starting to walk again, her following after.
“I’m joking, that was out of line, sorry” I say after a while.
“At least you got to see my ‘frozen’ face”
“Yeah that’s why I laughed”
We reach the gate, and a piece of paper is pinned on the lock.
“The gate’s busted, climb over -Chris”
“I guess we have to climb,” I state, looking at the gate. There are big spikes on the top of the gate, so I look over at the side. It’s a stone wall.
“Right up my alley” Sam says enthusiastically. Of course it is.
“I’ll give you a lift first if you take my bag” she says, already taking off her bag.
“Fine, just don’t throw me over with those strong climber-arms of yours” I reply, taking her bag and making my way to the wall. She puts out her hands and I grab somewhere safe on the wall. She helps me get up, and I jump down the other side, looking up, waiting for her.
“Gosh, the stones are cold” she complains, finally getting to the top.
“Should’ve worn gloves” I smile, showing off my red-covered hands in a theatrical manner. She laughs before hopping down. I give her backpack back, and we continue up.
When we finally arrive at the cable car station, the place seems empty. I see a couple of cars in the parking lot, but don’t want to check who they belong to. One of them must be Josh’s. I walk up to the bench, noticing a backpack and a ringing phone. My curiosity is immense, but I don’t touch it. Sam notices who’s bag it is.
“Hey Chris!” she yells, looking around for him.
“Hey guys” he answers, and we both turn around. He seems older, more harsh than the year before, but I don’t comment on it.
“How are you ladies?”
“Well, as you can expect” Sam answers, still smiling. I smile as well, keeping the mood light. I don’t notice how much I’ve missed him before seeing him now. Something in me breaks a little.
“Oh, so, I found something kind of amazing”
“What?”
“I’m not gonna tell you got to see for yourself” he smiles, grabbing his backpack and leading us around the house. We get to the other side where we’re met with a shooting range. Barrels and bottles stacked for hitting, as well as bags hanging from the trees.
“Ta-da! Pretty rad right?” Chris exclaims, loving this a bit too much. Sam forces a smile, guns are not a source of happiness for a pacifist.
“A gun range on the bottom of a ski lodge” I comment. “How… nordic?”
Chris picks up a gun before looking at me.
“Well, have you met Josh’s dad?”
“Yeah”
“Then we shouldn’t be surprised” he says before turning and aiming the gun. I hold my breath, not comfortable with this funny clumsy guy holding a death-weapon. He shoots the bags and one of the cans. I’m kind of impressed.
“Nice shootin Tex” Sam teases, not impressed. I guess it would take something better than shooting to impress her. She fakes an annoyed look before turning my way.
“Wanna try?”
“You know what, sure. It’s been a while” I say before taking the gun from him, taking off my backpack and laying it beside me.
“You’ve done this before?”
“Josh has taken me shooting several times, not hunting though, luckily” I smile, remembering how close we felt the first time he showed me how to use it.
“I bet that’s not the only thing you two have done” he comments, a smirk on his lips.
“Haha, funny guy” I tease back. Sam holds her laughter. I shoot a couple of bags, stopping when a squirrel jumps on one of the barrels.
“I guess that’s our sign to start going to the lodge,” I say, leaving the gun and grabbing my bag.
“Jeez, I wish Josh would take me shooting,” Chris says, and I smile.
The cable car is coming, and Sam makes her way over there. I use the opportunity to grab ahold of him.
“Hey Chris, about this year-” I start, but he holds a finger up, signalling for me to stop.
“I get it, if I were in your shoes I would’ve done the same”
“Really?”
“Yeah, it’s weird being back, but I’ve been wanting to clear up everything. We should keep in contact, even though you don’t want to talk to Ashley, I understand”
“When did you become such an understanding gentleman,” I tease, punching his arm and start walking. He lifts his arms in the air.
“Haven’t I always been?” And I laugh at him.
We all get in the cable car, and it starts moving up. Chris starts talking about how he and Josh met, and I pay close attention. I’ve only heard this story from Josh, and I love getting the different story-perspectives.
***
We arrive at the top, I stand and try to open the door. It will not open.
“Uh, guys, I can’t get the door open.” Chris tries, but can’t manage either. His response is to smack the window.
“Ahh, what the hell!” I hear someone say. Jessica. I compose myself.
“Jess! Over here, open the door!” Chris shouts. I see her through the window, and I bite my lips from having to look put together. Don’t look like a bitch, don’t look like a bitch, don’t look like you have anything against this piece of scum. I keep chanting in my head.
She opens the door, and we all thank her. As we walk out, Chris starts whining.
“Oh my god. I thought we were goners. Another ten minutes in there and I would’ve chewed off my own leg.”
“Aw, sick Chris,” Sam comments.
“Look, I’ve got a lot of meat on my bones. This is all muscle down there.”
Sam rolls her eyes. “Yeah riiiiiight”
“Keep telling yourself that Chris,” I add, clapping him on the shoulder as I walk past him. He lowers his voice to a whisper.
“Well, we all know who’s bone you want to jump…”
I turn around, mouth agape and eyes threatening. He immediately puts his hands up in defence, walking backwards two paces.
“Just jokes, just jokes” says, voice cracking.
“Dickhead”
“Notice how I’m not going to make another joke about that,” he answers. I quickly make a snowball and throw it at him, hitting his chest. Sam places herself between us, arms tense as if waiting for someone to attack.
Chris uses this opportunity to snatch whatever Jess is holding.
“Well, well, well… What do we have here?”
“Chris” Sam starts. He opens it, a surprised look on his face.
“My goodness! Seems like someone has a crush on our good friend and dear class president Michael Munroe.” Shit. That’s not good.
“Chris,” I threaten.
“And what kind of sizzling erotica might our Jessica be capable of imagining, I wonder…”
Before he’s able to see more, Jess quickly snatches the item back.
“If you must know-” she starts.
“Mike and I are together now.” We all look at each other.
“Drama,” Chris answers.
“No, pretty cut clean actually. Em’s out, I’m in,” she explains. I look over at Sam. She doesn’t know what to say. Luckily, Chris breaks the awkwardness.
“Well, we should keep going”
“You go, I’ll be waiting here for a bit”
“Waiting for Mike?”
“Just go”
We oblige, walking further and leaving her behind. The trail is quite big and visible. It’s comfortable to walk on. As we turn a corner, I see the cabin. The cabin where Josh is, where Ashley is probably waiting. The cabin which was the last place two of our best friends were seen alive one year ago.
#until dawn#chris hartley#joshua washington#chris until dawn#christopher hartley#ashley brown#josh washington#samantha giddings#until dawn chris#until dawn jessica#jessica until dawn#ahsley until dawn#sam until dawn#josh x reader#until dawn josh#josh until dawn#joshua washington x reader
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#supposed to log good things#most of day was negative feelings and sadness#then. i remember feeling good#and then. tthe good went away#rreplaxed with the usual self doubt and loathing#the feelings of undesirability#the wish that i was. attractive in any way to anyone close to me that anyone wanted to. touch me#that i wasn't horrifically gross and disgusting#do the people who hold me do it out of pity? am i really so awful#pictures get a lot of praise#sometimes#less so lately#maybe the novelty of my personality has worn off#maybe seeing how broken i am#such a shambling wailing mess of a girl#....has made people realize how ugly i am#i don't know. its hard to care most nights#I'm supposed to feel better in the mornings#i don't usually#I used to#now i just feel..... dead inside#like a walking corpse#some part of me wants to make that reality#sigh.#anyway.#im sorry you had to read this whoever you are that's made it this far#it's a cry for help but my discord status says don't message me so it's. probably not gonna get much lol#.....i guess uh. if you've read this far and do want to say something you can take this tag in particular as a one time pass to do so#....i make no guarentees I'll respond but i will guarentee that i won't kill myself. at least not tonight or even any time this week
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kinda funny when ur brain’s gut instinct is repression so you just kinda watch while your stress and emotions get bottled and corked and the whole time ur just like “that is going to bite me in the ass so bad later but i can’t seem to open the damn bottles without getting glass everywhere so! guess we’ll wait”
#marzi speaks#marzivents#<- not super but this is more negative than i like to be#sorry folks i’ve been mental illness posting a lot#maybe i should get checked for seasonal affective disorder. or maybe this is a trauma response? i DID nearly die this year#i dunno. the trauma stuff in particular is tricky bc if i try to unpack it before i’m ready i could basically just retraumatize myself#but if i wait too long then it’ll do some damage that way too. so i gotta time it right#what i really gotta do is actually contact one of these psychologists i got referred#i think i wanna go for a psychologist instead of a therapist bc i’d like the opportunity for medication/diagnosis if possible#i keep like. almost crying but every time it happens i’m like ‘YESSS CATHARSIS’ and then it goes away. fuckass brain#sighhh. i’m tired. i’m tired of resting too#but tomorrow is a holiday celebrated by eating good food with your family#so i’m gonna try to just enjoy myself and enjoy the day#and it’ll be nice#i’ll probably help cook which i always like doing#i got to chop chocolate tonight. it was really fun i like working with knives#didn’t even get any intrusive thoughts. just focused on making chocolate chunks#it’s satisfying to feel like you’ve made something. chopping things makes me feel like i’ve made something#i want to make more things. i’m really tired all the time lately (different from blood loss tired (i’m relieved i can tell the difference))#and being tired makes it harder to make things#but i’m at my happiest when i’m creating in some way. if you believe in purposes i’d say that was mine#i need to make things i need to put myself out into the world. that way i can look and say i existed. i did something tangible#sigh okay i’m gonna . stop here before this turns into mars shares all of her thoughtfeelings on public website tumblr.com#i know i literally liveblogged my colonoscopy prep to you all (thx again ppl who supported me then btw that was an awful night)#buuuuut i still wanna leave some parts of me a little mysterious. (<- is an open book)
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WAIT HELP I READ TOO FAST 😭😭
omg but who are your favs in the twdg games... 😳😳😳
OH HFHGFHJ ITS FINE I DO THAT ALL THE TIME TOO BUT YEAH AS YOU KNOW I LOVE THE GAMES AND SHOW AND ALSO THE COMIC!! BUT FOR THE GAMES UHMMM..omg this is SUCH a tough question honestly?? like, i feel very complicated about basically every character in this series so its hard to just pick one fave....
hmm i will say tho i have ALWAYS loved Lee and Clementine (obviously,who doesnt hehe) i just love them sm 😭the first game just makes me so emotional FRFR in the first game i also loved Ben,Chuck, Omid and Christa and Molly!! id also include Kenny but...i have a sorta love/hate relationship with that guy 😭😭😭😭hes such a good character tho!! in general i think the first game was just so good😌😌
for the other games im less familiar with them since ive only played the other seasons once each so my memory is probably a little off,but i remember really liking Sarah ,Nick,Luke and Jane from the 2nd season,but again i think some of these characters are like. love/hate with me currently,i think s2 is so turbulent that its kinda hard to pick faves really (for me atleast) with the 3rd season i remember LOVING that Tripp guy and also Javier,but its been years since i last played the game so i probably have a bunch of different opinions on everything now😭😭in general i just dont remember too much from that game,i definitely have to replay it eventually..for s4 tho?? hmm honestly,i think i loved like,90% of the cast in that LMAO but i think i liked uhhm AJ the most.and also i think his name was Asim (or aasim) and Ruby,i liked them alot i think,and louis and violet too 😌😌😌also the dog?? does the dog count??? in general i just thought the characters were pretty interesting in that game,but again i think ima just have to replay all of these again to see how i REALLY feel
ANYWAYS THANKS FOR THE QUESTION AURA!!! i would LOVE to know your faves too😈😈😈😈😈😈
#my friend!!!!!!!#cant believe im getting a twd question in our modern year 2024 (thank you. i cannot get enough of this stupid zombie franchise)#maybe the zombies were the friends we made along the way (?)#i think rick grimes said something to that effect in like season 5 or something .sorry#I LOVE THE WALKING DEAD GAMES SOO MUCH#the first game i ever got a platinum trophy on was twd s1 for the ps3#lots of good memories. it scared me so much but i was so infatuated with the world i HAD to do everything in it#i think its funny how i got into this whole series through the games.didnt even know anything abt the show#it came out in like..2012 right?? 2013?? so i was lik 7 or 8 .crazy#yes i still get scared at these games. im stil lscared of fnaf. sue me. yes i still cry at the ending to s1#SUE ME IDC#me when the father figure has to leave.me when the figure who is a father to young girl has to abandon her for reasons they cant control#me when fathers. me when men who father children who arent their own and love them like their own cuz they are kind and good.#clenches fists...oughhh...family..#anyways this is so crazy cuz i was thinking about playing the games again like a week ago#can you read my mind?????????? probably. clown to clown communication. gg fan to gg fan communication#isnt it so crazy that twdg are taking place at like the exact same time that like. the show (or comic i dont remember) is??#like. i dont rlly think abt that enough tbh. its kinda crazy to me#the fact that we had glenn for like 1 (one) chapter in the games is so crazy to me. he was just out there#i also really liked glenn but idk if he counts since he was like.a cameo. he was like a disney channel show cameo idk#anyways sorry for the rants.i just had my vitamins im CRAZY im PSYCHO rn!!#anyone else ever get a lil emotional thinking abt kenny. im sure we all do. but. oughh. s2 kenny and lee comparison makes my brain hurt#anyways. i need to STOP im a MADMAN RN#see this is what happens when you ask me about my interests. leave me alone (joke. pats you on shoulder and smiles softly)
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it'll all be okay because there's only one more day left in the school week and after that it'll be the weekend. wait no what do you mean after the weekend I'll just have to go back to school? what do you mean the cycle of going to school and coming back home completely worn out is gonna continue?
#mole talks#ive been back in school for..... one week.#im so tired i can't stop feeling tired all of the time now this is horrible#i have to walk around school so much and im forved to be around other people anf its just exhausting#for me school would be better if they removed all social aspects#and all you would have to do is work and you wouldn't have to see other people ever#(apart from the teacher who is teaching you about the subject)#because if theres no forced socialisation that also means....... my classmates would never be ableist towards me again#:[ i can't believe i have to continue going to school#and ill probably have to continue going for many years to come#i hate how much it wares me out. i was si productive during the summer but now im not at all#and i JUST started school. it only gets worse from here#i just wanna learn. i dont want some annoying kid to call me slurs#i dont want to wear a uniform that makes me feel uncomfortable in my own skin#i dont wanna walk around the corridors feeling like everybody is staring at me and judging me#i dont want to go home feeling too weak and tired to do anything#i just want to learn stuff#i don't think i even really care about how going to school is good for my future because i don't know whats in the future for me#i just want to learn things in the present#:[#wow i have a lot of homework i need to do. i say i don't mind the work but i haven't finished all of this yet so maybe im just lying#im gonna cry. i dont want to go back to school tomorrow i dont want to be surronded by people who hate what i am#but also i dont want the teachers to infantalise me anymore! im not a kid. im 16. treat me like everybody else im not a kid#why am i crying into the tumblr void again
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i'm going to explode im going to explode im going to explode
#my post#successfully didn't cry on my zoom call with my advisors for my senior project for little clear reason other than general stress#like i know that the reason why you have to do a big mostly independent project is so that you get good at handling them but aaaaaaaaaaaaaa#nothing's happened. im already behind. i should try to get ahead? my timeline kinda sucks. I haven't started the literature review.#i know my want of having a project that's like... fun. was impossible but. hell on earth (has barely even started)#i'm starting to think more and more i'm not actually cut out for science. maybe i just like science communication lmao.#i know that's an overreaction but my work ethic is fucking shit for the fact i've been an honors student since... what like 1st grade?#i like learning i just hate the work that's supposed to come with it. i want my cake and i want to eat it too.#so the idea of fucking self monitoring my work. i'll probably be fine but i have to pre-emptively freak out and cry about it so.#guess if we get the crying about it done now then i'll have more time in my schedule for the insane bullshit I will be pulling later.#a normal semester (the heavier semester of the senior project and research again probably#and being the lead undergrad TA for one of the most insane classes i've heard of (it's 4 credits in a quarter) and 3 classes#(tho one is a freebie and the other shouldn't be Too much. the last one probably Will be a lot.)#time to go slam more video essays into my brain i suppose
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the thing about X6 is that he's essentially a slave given to the Sole Survivor by the Institute. and I think that the fandom's treatment of him would be different if the game addressed it or even just said it
#forever crying cause x6 has no companion quest#i mean like. would be cool if fallout fans could read implications but also i think im one of the very few who actually think about x6#like. what the hell.........#also obv the institute synth slavery plotline was incredibly mishandled and also bad but like. everyone knows that#fallout 4 would be SO good if it was good#one thing i think about the synths. is that there are different divisioms of gen 3s#the common one: normal artificial human-cyborg basically. BUT has a short life expectancy (like... 10-15 years? short in general)#for the coursers i cant decide whether theyre upgraded commons (which would make them 'a class above' with some 'gifted' individuality)#or if theyre just. made to kill. superior physically and mentally. proficient with weapons. uncommon. even shorter life expectancy tho#and the impersonators made specifically to inflitrate the outside world. who have a life expectancy much closer to a real human#but theyre uncommon (usually community leaders) and theyre hard to make. so the commons are also sent up a lot of the time#and the institute goal in all this is to secretly control the commonwealth societies AND to use the synths (with 'a shorter life anyways')#to clean the commonwealth of radiation and create safe spaces and generally make it good and safe. and also perform eugenics on the humans#so that after the commonwealth is safe and non irradiated etc. the institute humans can actually come out and have the world ready for them#and they'd be provided for etc etc. which would make a convincing goal for a vault-like society AND have the ss actually consider joining#but with obvious flaws in their plan (maybe not even their grandchildren would see the outside. the synth slavery obv (with disregard for#their lives). the basically slow genocide of the outside humans and ghouls and all mutated life. like itd be so good#also the short life cycle of a synth (especially a courser) would make an x6 story so tasty. like. hes probably what? 6 or 8? not a lot#is he a child? not really. an adult? i dont think so. hes just here and hes going to die soon and theres nothing you can do#could be a nice ground for a companion quest where hes free and learns how to live to the fullest for his remaining years or smth#also the short lifespan (finally remembered thw word) could actually be a reason for synths to be considered less than human#cause in the base game its just like. theyre just some guys with metal in their heads and i guess they were made in a lab (noone could tell)#coming back to the institute. they would be so full of themselves and scared of the outside and pretty pathetic that thered be no way#to talk them into changing their plans and working with the outside world. but youd have to think about it a bit cause their supplies#WILL run out. its a matter of time. and they will NOT work with the other factions no matter what. so if work against them youll doom them#which is why we could use some innocent institute npcs too. or like... show some children there or whatever. make them human too#but you also see how much destruction theyre causing in the outside world (insert quest about synths like... the mcdonough quest or smth)#damn and i thought i wouldnt go on a tirade in the tags again.... alas#well here are my almost 2am thoughts about the institute and that its stupid in base game#fallout 4 would be so good if it was good
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I feel like I have an unacceptably low level of control over my body. Like obviously there are some things that no one can control but I have like actual big problems because of it. I'm not really sure how to describe it but it's not just me being really clumsy (although that is an effect of it) or even the tics I have.
It's like I can feel my body moving wrong constantly but I can't correct it and it hurts and it sucks and I'm tired. I'm tired of hurting myself, making mistakes, breaking things, acting like it's fine when in reality I'm constantly afraid of how much any movement I make next could hurt me. I need to move to stay sane, I want to workout and get stronger and go on walks with my friends. I wanna get better. I can't even roll over in bed without pain and I'm just so tired.
#opossums chronic illness rants#seriously though this sucks so much and idk if theres anything i can do about it but i wanna try#its probably a combination of a lot of different things#like muscle weakness and instability from ehlers danlos syndrome both making each other worse#along with the poor proprioception from autism the dizzyness and weakness from the dysautonomia#the fact that i cant really see and even possibly inner ear damage (thats a new one that ive been suspecting more and more recently)#im not sure if the ear damage would be just from built up ear wax or maybe or something else#but im really not having a good time because it brings back bad memories#when i was a kid (8 i think) my mom was convinced i had compacted ear wax but given that she refused to ever#take me to doctors she decided she had to fix it herself#which led to a lot of excruciating trials where she stuck wires and que tips stripped of their cotton into my ears#and tried to scrape out whatever she could. even though i wanted her to stop because it hurt so bad i would start crying everytime#im also mildly suspicious that might be what damaged my ears in the first place... but i really have no way to know that at the moment#all i know is i dont want anyone looking in or putting things in my ears ever again#it doesnt even matter how much i trust them because now anything put in my ears hurt#like even when im just regularly cleaning them with que tips it hurts and im reminded that might not be normal#idk if you read these tags let me know if cleaning your ears is supposed to hurt i guess?#im honestly not sure. like i just always assumed i wasnt being gentle enough or something but it doesnt matter what i do#its not super painful either just a little bit so i ignored it because i assumed it was normal#since a lot of 'normal' things hurt for me. which i now know to my surprise isnt normal at all but i didnt figure that out#until i actually got people to believe that these things were hurting me#apparently its very hard to find anyom#who believes that opening bag clips or trying to lift a jug of milk are actually quite painful for me#they usually just say im way overreacting and when i was a kid i just believed them i guess
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Why did I get paranoid about how no one has checked the work I submitted yet. It’s literally Sunday
#i mean i signed up for this last night in like the middle of the night#but i guess they either automate the sign up procedure or they have saturday office hours#it is based in the usa so if they work saturday afternoons they will have gotten my stupid application at a regular time#oh it’s freelance work. it’s basically just writing and proofreading#i just want to get approved so i can actually do the thing and then i can make at least a little money and not completely lose my mind#as i continue searching for a job. and also! when i get asked about the gap in my resume i can be like ‘yeah so i was actually freelancing’#it will also make the job search a bit less urgent and calm me down a bit if i have an income stream in the meantime. i think#like i won’t have to apply to stuff i genuinely can’t do just because i need a job (like factories or care work. neither of which i should#probably really be doing on account of the dodgy knee)#but yeah. i was sooooo paranoid but literally… i did like 16 different example tasks for them. it took me well over an hour so it’ll#probably take a lot of time for them to mark it#i just hope they don’t reject it. that would be embarrassing as fuck. ma in english; i’m qualified to teach esl AND high school english…….#if i fail at proofreading i will simply just cry#the thing i feel like could screw me is i didn’t really understand the guidelines on maybe the first task or two because i can’t read#apparently. also i use british spellings and it’s an american company. i also didn’t realise grammarly was there and ‘helping’ me for a hot#minute. i was like ‘what are those squiggly lines for’#look if they don’t want to keep me i’ll just keep scouring the subreddits and find something similar. it’s fine. it’s all good#this would just be perfect for me because i love writing and i love correcting other people’s mistakes lol#personal
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ㅤat this point, they're beyond wasted and vibing out to music that's too loud with several substances on standby for when the buzz starts wearing off. happy new year!!
#━━ ˟ ⊰ ✰ ic status ⋮ fighting a fight i'll win anyway.#excuse to make use of this gif bc it's one of my faves? maybe.#but mostly i don't want to make an ooc post bc i don't much care for new years#THAT SAID....... i do actually have a goal for this year#and that's to finally ACTUALLY take fucking steps toward getting a diagnosis so that i can maybe start to be a functioning human being#for the first time in far far too long#at this point i'm p sure i'm on the autism spectrum and/or adhd and only having treatment for depression & anxiety#and having psychs guess at MAYBE things like bpd are the underlying main issue#then not actually doing anything about it#has royally fucked over my quality of life since middle school (:#i don't like talking much about my life bc it's genuinely so embarrassing#but i figure maybe baring a little of my soul will help encourage me to finally take steps forward.#this is basically my happy place. my retreat. my escape.#and byan has effectively become my comfort character and a bit of an outlet#so while i'm out here crying about shit i just want to say a huge thank you to all of you lovely mutuals who have kept me company#and put up with my sharp and glittery little freak and given me all these amazing relationships for them#i'd be doin a whole lot worse if not for y'all you have no idea#thank you i love you and here's to hoping that 2024 is good and a better mental health year for all of us ♡♡♡#...there's a good chance i'll be embarrassed enough to delete all these tags later tbh#but i'm in basically the last time zone to hit midnight so it's probably late enough that most people won't see it anyway lmao
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