#good thing they can hide a body
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ZOO KEEPER 141
Big cat bastard Ghost who absolutely tricks you into the enclosure by telling you the lions were in the back and then delights as you absolutely freak out thinking you are going to die.
Gaz at all times has a little trail of penguins behind him those little bastards adore this man and in fact nip at you whenever you get near him (he makes a point to always get near you because he finds angry penguins attacking you very funny).
Soap has not once told you the truth about how dangerous the insects, arachnids, or snakes he has made you hold for photos are. He does enjoy watching when you later read the little plaques and go a funny shade of green at how close you came to a very grusome demise.
Price is frequently making national news because he is teaching the gorilla's sign language (and telling them your name is good girl so that they sign it at you whenever you walk past that enclosure).
You reckon you could get them all back given how much your wolves seem to like you, but it's sort of weird that the four most playful and safe ones are never about at the same time as the 141 :')
#mhairidrabbles#the longcon of being a shifter who deliberatley gets put in a zoo because you fancy the zookeeper#and then getting a job as a zookeeper because you still fancy the zookeeper and need to convince her she should totally be in the enclosures#for earlys sake I will say Johnny was so distracted watching you from afar that he let that German guest get strangled by a snake#good thing they can hide a body
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the masculine urge to take a saucepan off thr draining board and bash myself repeatedly over the head with it until I pass out and no longer have to experience feeling Bad 😍
#struggling to tolerate this one ngl its fucking dire this weekend. i just cant do this man#thr things i would fucking do for attention please. just one person to notice and care in the slighest i feel like im losing my fucking#mind out here how does every single person who has ever mattered to me in my lifr see me in distress and choose to ignore it or maybe they#dont even recognise im ij distress in the first place i dont know whats worse i dont think i hide it well at all im just so done#listen like ultimately its fucking fine. i will get myself through it like ive gotten myself through everything else in my fuckijg life#i dont even feel bad that often these days im doing so so so much better and its so much more tolerable to only have to deal with this#once or twice a week instead of it being a struggle every single day like i dont think i could go back to feeling like that again ever i#dont know how i managed to get througyh it before jesus fucking christ. but i can deal with it i can deal with this#ik ill feel fine tomorrow. its just thr fact im so desperately fucking alone with it that makes it so much worse than it has to be#i fucking hate repression i hate being so incapable of expressing myself that its easier for me to injure myself than it is to talk about#how i feel to anyone i hate being trapped in this stupif fucking torture labyrinth and not knowing how to get out of it and never being#given a single avenue anything to hold onto i hate having to do it alone every single fucking time and when i do try i just freeze out#entirely i cant form a coherent thought my brain enters total fucking shutdown pure static white noise fuzz and i dont know why please#its so unfair i dont think its that much to want a little comfort. just once just for someone to stay with me while i cry it doesnt have#to be more than that i just dont want to be alone like this i just want to feel safe around someone just close to someone just once#and well ill survive without it bc i always have i guess. so far at least. and there are many things im grateful for and i do in general#feel pretty okay my life is pretty good at times even. i feel so pathetic and stupid and ashamed for even feeling like this#but do i have to go my entire life without ever experiencing any kind of real intimacy with another person emotionally that is#i mean physical is nice too and they go hand in hand in some ways but i just want to feel seen and safe over anything.im tired#i feel like i try.but not hard enough i know its all my fault really but i dont know how to try any harder but nothing will ever change if#i dont i cant expect anyone to do anything if i cant rven communicate in thr first place. oh i dont want to think about it anymore#i have a headache from crhing and its not even 8pm ugh. okay. well it is what it is.#ill breathe until i calm down and then tidy up whatever i left in the kitchen and get my work stuff ready for tmr#and polish my boots maybe. and read and go to bed at 9:30 i think. and ill feel fine in the morning#my fault for thinking about it earlier i know i shouldve nipped it earlier on its such an easy spiral to fall into i need to get better#it happens. okay anyway. no cause for concern im good guys. weakly thumbs up at the camera all covered in blood#my period is late actually thats probably all this is lmao. makes sense thinking abt it#cant wait for it to finally start and all earthly desire to leave my body so i never experience pain again amen#.vent#ignore this sorry for being mentally ill im not even that mentally ill anymore so no excuse rly ummmm. bit embarrassing innit.
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sigyn that married loki like ages ago so when it comes out he's jotun she's like. 'well it's a bit late to do anything about that'
#''bit sad to find out about this after his death but i suppose i can't blame him for that :/''#''tell me if he ends up not being dead i think we should sit down and talk about this''#''totally not cool so hide something like this. im going to dye my hair black as charcoal and not even tell him''#''lets see how he likes it''#''the royal family sucks btw. it succ real good.''#''how does someone find out they are secretly from a different realm. how wouldn't they know. couldn't he tell?''#''im not saying it's loki's fault but i think it would be less his fault if he was less dramatic about this kind of thing''#''aaannnndd of course he threw himself off the bifrost by the end of it. do you people know nothing about him?''#sigyn just decides loki isn't dead to cope btw#it's like thor except she doesn't get depressed about it#''shouldn't she move out of the palace since her husband died?'' nah sorry no one can stand bringing up the topic#she roasts them about it#like have you no shame#there is not even a body#are you trying to kick her out? don't you know who she married?#''he's dead'' alright believe what you want but odin and frigga haven't said anything so she's sticking around#sigyn like i have more important things to do than worry about this kind of thing. like managing the vanaheim exports#she needs to make her money
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i'm surprised i haven't seen anyone point this out yet, but.... belos isn't dead. like. sure he got stomped on. but also a few months earlier he crashed into a wall with more than enough force to crack it, shattering his entire physical form, and came back from a few drops that hit hunter's shoulder. he possessed the titan with the smallest sliver of slime that escaped raine's magic. that fucker's not dead. and before you say he got melted... the rain stopped. king said some was on his claw. we've seen belos regenerate from less. he's not dead. and i don't think he'll be dying anytime soon. not if he has anything to say about it. just a thought.
#i don't think immortality is particularly kind to him though#well i think he CAN die it's just. very hard.#and i don't think this will be a good thing for him#he thinks he just needs more time#but the longer he's had the more failures he's seen. and they've gotten worse and worse.#he loses more and more of his 'humanity' so to speak#he doesn't even have a body anymore#he has to survive on vessels which inevitably rot with him inside#but he can't give up. because what has this even been for?#caleb's been dead for a long time. but philip hasn't exactly been living.#idk man i like philip wittebane he is so doomed <33#the villain ever :]#toh#the owl house#philip wittebane#emperor belos#this might be nothing lmao#the crew might say 5 minutes from now 'no that loser's definitely dead'#and i'd just be here like 'okay! (:'#quietly hiding my continued torment of this cringefail idiot under my bed#you don't have to agree with me of course he very well could be dead#i just like to think about the possibility#and of course i adore characters that have a wacky relationship with death
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which was more culturally significant, the renaissance or hermitgang
#it all started when grian touched my redstone he played himself like a xylophone set on automatic doc monster is a savage with technical#skills and crazy vocal acrobatics i’m a legend of the nho with etho beef and double o docmc is coming for you seven fold i got rendog and#other firemen to douce the flames that you shoot at this leviathan iskall can try again you think i’m in hiding i’m just biding my time#putting pen to paper coming up with rhymes were the star studded group got together just to crush you once we start something you know were#going to see it through i’m the knight the soldier who brings the fight at first light y’all had to incite so now i gotta indict you’re#guilty of getting murdered with words y’all are outgunned go home nerds hermitgangx16 if you think you can stop the symmetry that’s false#gteam is dialling for help but i’m in ignoring their calls and when their bodies dissolve you know that false’s on a killing spree try to#stop my pvp and perish painfully i’m the queen of hearts heads and body parts your diamond armour can’t compare to my martial arts i’ll#send a poison dart to make you breath your final breath gteams name will be the only thing left caffeinated animated redstone innovator my#behaviour’s crazy can’t phase me impulse is never lazy tango why would you betray now my scope is aiming better run from cover from all the#ghast balls that i be taming without a sound without no hesitation my creations are amazing better watch your step or the gteam will end up#blazing whos the better team there is no controversy but before it’s said and done y’all be begging us for mercy hermitgangx16 x gone give#it to ya i’m gone give it to ya x gone give it to ya what lyrical boxing dropping blows on all my foes and the gteam they’re looking#unclean needing some sunscreen burnt by words this herd of nerds it’s ubsurd how my rhymes got them injured danger danger i got lasers to#cut them up like razors it’s flexing season and i got flavour their weak defenses like trenches and fences that these dense heads are#presenting they’re presenting them alright they’re not very good i could walk over them i could jump over them i could use an ender pearl i#could use my elytra come one gteam geez hermitgangx16 now i’m back and i got some things i wanna say what’s the letter that starts the#alphabet a ladies get it line the diggity be on the way cleo don’t know who she freaking with all the signs say to notify her next of kin#this digitty dog be dropping bombs nothing but hits spit that line again brrr cause the message is i could mumble rap and still be the best#there is hermitgangx16 oh you wanted me to do a verse i’ll have to check with gteam i mean i’ll have to check my schedule to see if i can#see if i’m able to do that sort of thing busy guy lots of things to do oh do averse bananas do a verse bananas i just don’t know if it’s a#good idea for me to a part of this song really#i just typed all of that out from memory im a little bit insane i think
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fiance got me a kindle for my birthday <3
#val comes out of hiding#with a case and a grip strap (that interferes a little with the case but i'm making it work lol)#it'll be great for my arthritic sad poor hands lmao#and i can download ebooks to it! including fic <3#so like i have backup copies of my bookmarks and i threw them all on there#and threw one I planned to read on there too which i rb'd a few mins ago#it's great because we tend to be into those huge fantasy novels that I 0% can hold and take up a shit ton of space#like bringing brando sando books with me while traveling has been a PAIN lmao#now all i need is a battery pack to make sure it doesn't die. which is its own downside of course#and it means I can pirate so many ebooks. my god so many.#anyway to start with i think i'm gonna go back thru and re-read all my bookmarked fics i haven't read in a while#i'm quite stingy about bookmarks so they're all good (tho i have a soft spot for fluff in hindsight lol)#maybe i'll make a detailed rec post when i'm done?#in regards to fic too though I need to reach out to someone and say sorry for not being a very responsible beta.you know who you are.sorry:#but tangentially related; last night I had one of those core memory moments#it was bed time and fiance was snoozing half-asleep and i was reading fic on the kindle which works great in the dark btw. so dim#and i got up maybe 3 times in 30 mins or so go to the bathroom; get shit i forgot in the other room; etc etc#he's a light sleeper so he tends to wake up a lil#at some point he swapped our body pillows. i have no idea which time i got up it was. i didn't even notice for so long#i use a regular pillow and he has a longer actual body pillow so it was very obvious in hindsight#he loves to mess with me like that. little things make me laugh etc. and in the moment i realised i was just so happy#i'm here in this comfy bed with the man i love reading great fic with the gift he just got me and he's half-asleep and still trying to make#me laugh. and i laugh and laugh and laugh for like 5 mins because i'm so unobservant i didn't even notice it's not my pillow#and not even in a mean way. he loves that about me because he loves me. and he is just so good. so good.#and i was reading a fic about finding someone in any world. i would find him in any world. i would#and i just said 'i love you' and he cuddled into me and went to sleep.#<33333333333333333
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there are things that you don't do for a year or more and pick up just right where you left off and these days i fear loving you might be one of them
#double meaning on that but. yeah.#it's like. i haven't touched the imaging software i use for an entire year. soldering iron in decades. pick it right back up. to my surpris#muscle memory is crazy#i don't draw for months and pick up right where i was with a few sketches bc the work you put in stays even when you don't actively practic#when it's something you've practiced weekly and daily it sticks with you and ig that's good#but then it's like. the horrors. that haunt you. yk? what if a part of me will always save a soft spot for my ex. what then.#what if I'm fine now and I'm doing okay and i don't miss it and I think i'm okay moving forward and i see her and suddenly I'm on the floor#what if some part of me that was in love never really went away what if i haven't managed to kill all of it yet#bc i genuinely would not know what to do. i. i don't want to admit it but one of my worst fears is liking someone who doesn't like you back#and what's even more horrifying is if it's obvious. if everyone can tell. and usually I'm good at hiding it! (not really) but it's just. id#it's shame in liking someone who you tell yourself you don't want to like and you know you shouldn't. and not having control over it.#hoping praying that either she does something that turns the little switch in my head that sends her into the unforgivable category#or that i become straight. or that i become straight. mhm. yep. or ig the other option is i get a crush on someone new but like. mm.#i kinda have gotten w every person I've had a crush on since hs and i kinda don't think im ready for another rs so soon.#the baggage i just got is. hm. idk i kinda don't wanna unpack it. it's something that can easily be done if i had the missing pieces but.#i don't think I'm ever gonna get them. so. instead I'm gonna take. maybe another 3 months or 5 months or a year or a few. to just. slowly.#idek. it's just triggering old things. bringing me back to when i was 14. i never really got closure from that either. it took me 3 years.#I'm sure this time it'll go away faster but idk experiencing it a second time has a different feel to it. idk. it's weird.#it's like. idk. it's like you're watching it happen and you're not even there anymore. idk. i really don't know.#oh. I've been dissociating.#idk maybe it's for the best i really don't know i really don't know and everyone says i have to do what's best for myself but idk what is#my life is on track things are moving forward I'm doing better and healing but i can't escape the feeling of dread#something is going to catch up with me sooner or later and idk what it is idk at what intensity and idk if i will be ready for it#but anyway. when you love someone intentionally every day for a while. when does it go away? will it go away?#or will i have to live haunted by ppl who are alive but changed. so practically dead w/o the opportunity to mourn. for the rest of my life?#like i don't think i get it. loving this person was like. cooking and eating. intentional. ingrained into everyday life. effortful.#what if my mind does forget but my body still remembers. what then. what if it's like searching for sth you don't remember having anymore#ig I'm just trying to figure out how much to forget these days. how much won't hurt if it all comes back to haunt me#delete later
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Anyways incorporating new saint hcs into my semi au Sliver lore means that now saint gets to continuously experience ascending Sliver forever 👍
#rat rambles#rain posting#along with everything else theyve ever experienced yay#here have some other miscellaneous saint hcs while Im thinking abt them#as Ive said before I like to think that they are physically and mentally quite young and mostly act on what motions theyve taken before#which since their existence is infinite and all that jazz it mostly means that they carry both the same actions and the same emotions#across all moments of their existence#they don't rly understand the things they do or the mental states they achieve as they have a hard time focusing on any given moment#it also doesn't help that the more they think the more their thoughts overlap with all that has been and all that there ever will be#plus theyre y'know. a slugcat. so generally they arent super built to deal with smth this complex#no one rly would be but especially not some adolescent slugcat#I also dont think of them as cruel or mean in nature#I generally think of them as fairly kind when they can be#not that its easy for them to act on it#theyre also ofc generally extremely frail and sickly but thats mostly due to how thin theyre stretched out#their body doesnt age but it still is clearly strained under the pressure of an eternal existence#anyways for a complete change in tone I also like to imagine their fur isnt actually like mammal fur#idk quite how to describe the vision in my head but think of it as kind of like thick insulated foam almost?#its actually prone to getting gooey and melty when its too warm#they do have quite sensitive skin underneath the coat so its important to keep the coat clean while taking care to not disturb it too much#hense their long thin tongue thats often used for careful and precise grooming#or at least thats the idea. saint doesn't actually take very good care of their coat and its often left worse for wear as a result#a more typical fluffy slugcat would usually be able to survive in the worst of the blizzard's that appear in saint's campaign#in fact in my hcs there are actually plenty of slugcats whove built large communities together in such climates with the advantage that#they can afford to emerge during the blizzards to stockpile on food and then hide away during the calm times#it's not uncommon for groups that hibernate together to eat their coats to recycle nutrients and ensure they won't overhead during their#shared hibernation together#their coats will usually grow back during that time and are usually grown enough to handle the outside world again by the time they need to#communal grooming is also extremely common as maintaining their skin health is one of the most important parts of their survival
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ohhhh u know what i wanna write. need to, even. very important to do it at some point. but i think i really do need to make the doctor have a meltdown. i think that would be very cathartic to put them through.
#whump but autism flavored. for me.#i mean i imagine that he has been having them just off-screen when the worse adventures are over#can keep it together as long as he’s running because he can focus on something else and. then when he is not it all hits at once.#the doctor curled on the tardis floor because he can hear her engine vibrating through it and its the only sensation that isnt causing him#physical pain to experience at the moment#i need him to go thru some shit okay. never enough fics in the autistic doctor tag on ao3#skmeone remind me to outline this in the morning. gotta pick which doctor to do it to. which companion to be with him.#i am feeljng ten & donna but that could change#oh on that note: thinks about 14 having meltdowns about. ‘normal things’.#local man who has saved the world a thousand times suddenly finds out that grocery store lighting is intensely stressful and makes him want#to cry. despite all contradicting evidence that this is happening to him is a good thing.#means he’s recalibrating slowly to allow his body to be upset by things like that rather than pushing all of it down to be set off by#the world nearly exploding or someone he loves getting hurt. instead he can get overwhelmed by small things and feel safe that if he reacts#to that. nothing bad will happen to him while he’s having a meltdown. ohhhhh donna bringing him a weighted blanket because he went to hide#in his tardis after comjng home and not saying a word to anyone…..#okay im done i swear im done.
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the dynamic between juxt and ny is unparalleled. they learn from each other without meaning to. they're both jealous of the other. they inspire each other to be better. they absorb each other's worst habits. they seem like they would get along least but they understand each other in a way no one else can
#ghost post#going FERAL#slight spoilers for the story that will take long enough to get into readable form that no one will remember these tags anyways#at one point the five of them get bodyswapped and ny ends up in juxts body so he gets juxts magic#and that whole mini plot is meant to be funny as they all try to act like nothing happened and all that#except at the end they're like. wait a minute where's ny?#and juxt goes and finds ny in his body curled up and crying from the overload of minding reading and future sight#all ny can say is it hurts. and juxt says i know.#THAT IS THE MOMENT two things happen: juxt now makes sure ny doesn't get left behind. and ny decides he can't ever show his suffering again#bc juxt has it worse all the time and HE never complains about it#cooking up a later scene where juxt finds out ny has been hiding a pretty bad injury and he asks why he didn't say anything#and ny says well you don't ever complain so i shouldn't either#juxt says that's different and ny says how?#and then they work on letting other people help them with their problems together <3#yeah thats good thats canon now
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Well! Well. I shut off Oblivion. I went to annoy Lev in the astral. He has a body chilling on my bed reading something or playing with something or. whatever. Anyway. So I start making Poses at him again because something in my goddamn biology needs to fucking do weird ass bird mating dances at him at every given opportunity. My bed is right beside my desk, head of the bed and back of the desk are in a line. Im sitting at my desk physically. I'm like oh. Sudden strong spirit presence beside me! Said hi to Lev guessing he got up to watch over my shoulder because I closed oblivion and he was asking me about it (so he probably came to look) and then was like. Oh that's not you is it. Because. That's where my astral body is.
Yeah no that was me. Because I could turn around and look through planes into my faces.
It's not the first time I've had a strong presence in the astral! I do that every once in a blue moon. I've dropped the temperature and brightness of rooms before, the spirits possessing my body have felt me before in the way I feel them but
I. don't talk about this because I don't agree p shifting is a thing but this is dangerously close to p shifting type beliefs, but in my and my groups experience spirits can actually physically come here. All planes are connected, it's not about a Veil but about a huge magnetic gap between this plane and the others and it's huge polarisation that means you need a fuck tonne of energy to translate yourself into a body on this plane And to get back out of it so it tends it really just be gods coming here and generally as shit like animals so they don't get Spotted. Generally. I don't care if anyone believes me I don't talk about it for others - uh. double meaning there. I'm not talking about it for others now, and usually I never mention it for others' sakes. This is not about others
But I was thinking that. I get thoughts crossing my mind especially lately about "well if I had a fuck tonne of energy, could I be here in two bodies...." in the way of the theory of it. trying to understand more about how this plane works and whatnot. this.
This was the first time. looking at myself through planes. Where I was like. I have two bodies in the same universe. both real. both exist. both are me. This is not some abstract "I exist and then the astral is some foreign place" I was in another body as real as this one on the fucking other side of the veil and I felt myself there. Like I've felt myself in the astral before, but now I'm like. spirits are not vague fucking things. I know they're real i Know the theory but I never let myself KNOW the theory
#ramblings //#Heehee hoohoo Im very aware my own fate bodies caused this 3-5 days of no meds so I could feel shit again bc they're numbing af#And I have so many plans for ways to wake myself the fuck up#S //#Diary //#Also. Real shit. Don't learn from me I'm not a teacher. If you want to know if spirits can do this work with them and form good solid#relationships with them. specifically powerful gods. To the point they'll let down so much of their ''no your worldview is definitely#correct'' and also just become something important enough to spend THAT much energy on and see if it's a thing#If you can't do that? You can't know and I can't expect you to believe me#Anyway. When I talk about gods walking the earth it's not necessarily this it's generally more they just didn't hide#when they incarnated. But also. Lmfao. Anyway. Also it's not a grand conspiracy I'm directly referencing memories of the gods I work with#because politics are so complex now they can't really be seen doing it. It's not that the ancients were sacred it's that now is politically#uh. oh boy. politically a fucking 10000 sided chess board#Including with the implication of that many sides needing 10000 colours and those being hard to tell apart for both players and opponents#Anyway. It's not the focus of this it's just me on a journey#astral diary //
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Been finishing up act 2 of bg3. It's a good thing I find the battle systems so fun bc Hoo Boy there sure do be battles
#speculation nation#im going the epic hero direction this run. mostly bc i care about saving innocents' lives as much as possible#which means Killing Necromancers...... ugh.#cloudkill my beloathed. me n my homies hate cloudkill (used against us at least)#i got my vampire kicked into a fucking CHASM i had to reload a save 😭😭😭#he's been phenomenally unuseful in these fights bc theres so many people and so few places to hide#usually hes one of my biggest damage dealers. and sometimes he can get a good shot in#but a lot of turns hes just firing one dinky lil arrow and then hiding in the corner#...... i keep forgetting about the fancy arrows. i have so many of those. i should try to remember them when i get to the Big battle.#which. hmmm. we r gonna hope it's not Too difficult a battle. ive been able to get thru every battle so far in this game#turns out im Pretty Damn Good at this game. to the point where i'll brute force it and still end up fine.#the literal only battle i had to leave and go back for was the big spider queen thing in the bottom of the well. she was scary.#im level 9 now tho and full of so much guts n grit. and loot. holy fucking shit the loot.#im looting every body (including fallen allies. sorry guys ur gold's goin to a good cause.)#i have karlach with a like 460 carrying capacity but she STILL keeps getting encumbered. from all the armor.#im making fucking Thousands off this tower capture im gonna have so much fucking money#once i leave here and can actually. sell them all 😂#anyways i have been having fun! had to stop for the night bc it's late. but i will be killing thorny ass tomorrow. mark my words.
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also idk i feel so fucking good abt myself idk genuinely being consistent with my gym routine has done everything for my mental health and confidence like i still feel bad abt myself sometimes but for the first time since i was probably 9 i'm having days where i look in the mirror and thinking DAMN i look good and those days are getting more frequent it's really the best feeling
#and it's not just the weight loss like. being overweight was such a struggle for me esp bc i've had issues w eds and stuff and.#idk it made me miserable. and i wasn't the healthiest bc i'd gained a lot due to pcos and my periods were irregular etc like it wasn't good#and now i'm medicated and fuck man my period is regular now and my weight is more normal and i just feel like. good abt that#bc i spent so long being unable to lose bc of my hormones and it was so disheartening bc i was doing everything 'right'#i feel a little bad talking abt it bc ik it's a sensitive topic and i have had issues w eds i obv don't think weighing less makes u healthy#etc etc. for me it was the healthy thing to lose what i've lost so i'm proud of that and i did all of that mostly without relapsing#over 2 years and i've had like. maybe a month of relapse total over that time and each time i've come out of it after a week or two#so i'm definitely stronger mentally etc BUT. my point is. the confidence hasn't come from trying to be smaller#and now i'm actively trying to build muscle and for the first time ever my confidence comes from looking BIGGER bc i want muscle growth etc#the confidence truly comes from within and when i was overweight i started to give myself that confidence#by starting to wear cute clothes and stop hiding my body#it is so true that losing weight won't make you like yourself or your body.#like. you can lose weight if you want but you HAVE to respect yourself first. i lost a lot of weight unhealthily in 2019 and regained it#& bc i did it out of self hatred i NEVER felt better abt myself when i got smaller. you rlly have to be able to love yourself as you are rn#it's cliche but very very true#anyway i don't rlly talk abt this stuff on here bc ik it's a sensitive topic but!!!#i really would recommend weightlifting and strength training if you wanna feel more confident#ik it won't work for everyone but for me it's genuinely transformed the way i see myself.#i no longer try to force myself to be as small as possible. and for me that's everything yk#ALSO LIKE. THE MENTAL HEALTH ASPECTS. just having the routine and getting exercise and getting out every day rlly helps too#i really would recommend it i've never felt better or more confident abt myself#the only thing is unfortunately and it's a very real problem but gym/gym bro culture often leans v close to e/d culture#it really sucks bc a lot of gym folks genuinely do love it and are very healthy with it#but the chicken and rice gym bro types are pretty rampant too and there's a LOT of dysmorphia and such in the community#so i kind of avoid gym bro circles for that reason bc i do think a lot of people take it too far and are very mentally unhealthy with it#but weightlifting/going gym in itself isn't the problem and if you're eating properly & taking care of yourself it's not gonna be like that#it's just knowing the types of ppl to avoid bc a lot of the mindset is pretty toxic 😭😭 but there are def a lot of ppl who do it healthily#like. i understand why people do it but i'm kind of against bulking/cutting at least for myself#bc for me it's not abt looking as strong as possible it's abt being fit and healthy physically & mentally if i look buff asf that's a bonus#but a lot of ppl take bulks/cuts too far & a lot of it is just regurgitated e/d shit unfortunately. just b careful who you interact with
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My brain gave me a sad dream with K during my nap, I'm sincerely scared to go to sleep now 🥲
#tbf maybe the plot of the dream would work for a hurt/comfort story#but it's not normal that I had a body dysmorphia attack#let's call it like that but idk if I can call it like that#it was sad#especially because I spent a good time of the dream hiding from him#and thinking why he would love someone like me#much worst thing my stretch marks were much more evident it was horrible looking at them#brain what are you telling me?#terestext
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welp. confirmed: family members visibly distraught with casual segway into talking health care options and gender affirming care in general sense
ayo fam stalking this tumblr maybe? because I never in my life have worn the type of pink floral clothes I am suddenly gifted along with dropping comments that Women do this while Men go fishing on vacation etc.
#I rly don't understand why my mum is okay with Gay or Lesbian but bisexuality is not a thing and transness is not “a thing” unless it's like#welp Ellen DeGeneres flavored understanding where women can be born Weird and you can tell from a kid photo that it's a Pants woman#who marries a Dress Woman#gender roles still staunch just being aberrant where one woman is The Man in wlw couple and one guy is Woman-ish in mlm relations#and it's always this dichotomy of hyper feminine or masculine and “you can just tell” if a person has ?? medical condition of Body Swapped#like a baby or kid is supposed to be loudly Gay and/or other gender because ofccccc shy or anxious children don't try to conform all their#life and still don't match on the inside but hide it#family can only conceive of flaming and confident Gays (tm) which is an acceptable affliction? wtf wtf wtf wtf#they used to be better about this I thought#though they struggled with the queer “scene” when sib's band put out a CD with a cover that was glitter lipstick on the scruffy dude -#but ig since they can say my sib is “just” a lesbian tough woman she's okay - but the band and lipstick guy were Ew and rrrrdddffjkhfg#you get it#I hate people sometimes I really just#I can't touch discourse with a 10ft pole because it's a minefield but tldr bi-erasure plays into the whole a “Good Gay” vs “weirdo pervert”#and fuck thisssssss#overly personal on my shadow banned bloggo
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Savage
Monster hunter au part 5
Ratchet being worried that his fiendly beast got killed or decided to leave him while he’s actually just started his anime training episode👍
Oh my god this au is taking over my brain haha thank you all so so much for your kind comments and deranged tags. I’m eating them for breakfast>:D
Part 4
#*gets out of the void*#Waaaait a minute#so#in he previous one it was the Wing who was chasing them right?#He just looked at them transformed and went his own way?#And Deadlock went to track him down since his presence oh his territory might be a threat to Ratchet#BUT Deadlock sweetheart it is even WORSE to leave a blind person behind you could have protected him from close#OH wait was it because of hunger? A question but do they eat energon or the body parts also??#Ehheehehgfheg just casually pressing transform magical button on him#a liiitle silly remark in case you need “you could have ask(ed)”#I like how he asks about flock but seems like he himself decided not to be attached to it completely?#Or there will be a great war between beasts and Ratchet's clan... ba...#HE IS my dear Wing he IS SAVAGE please teach him how to talk he can do nothing beside circling his tails around Ratchet wheeeeeeeeeze#With words ~#“Words don't work; Fangs do work!”#To hide?? You are stealing a ki- “anime training episode” ah; got it; he is stolen#OH I JUST understood that he calls him a kid anyway???? I mean he is a pretty big one beast#3 tails might be still a kid? But just wondering if there is another reason#AH “bought” So he went off the road to somewhere and Deadlock in the meantime went to deal with Wing#Poor baby didn't know his saviour went to buy him some energon.....#And didn't know that he will be stolen; ah poor thing...#These are some gorgeous panels... can hear the sound of quietness and loneliness in the middle of forest.... and a bit cold... good#monster hunter au#keferon
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