#and that whole mini plot is meant to be funny as they all try to act like nothing happened and all that

[gl1tchxr]

the dynamic between juxt and ny is unparalleled. they learn from each other without meaning to. they're both jealous of the other. they inspire each other to be better. they absorb each other's worst habits. they seem like they would get along least but they understand each other in a way no one else can

[galacticplayer]

THE FUNNY OTHERSIDE PICNIC REVIEW/MINI-ANALYSIS

ok since no one follows me on here im gonna write my thoughts for Otherside Picnic so. spoilers yk. (this isn't meant to be serious or in-depth just my personal thoughts and experiences!)

TL;DR 9.5/10 One of the best things I’ve ever read. It has its issues but they're so small that it doesn't detract from the story. When the main issue is “It’s so specific in what it wants to do you’ll either really love it or not like it at all” you know it’ll be good. Please at least try it!!

I went into Otherside Picnic thinking “oh this is gonna be Roadside Picnic but with yuri” and to an extent that is what i got. but I think Otherside Picnic is. so much more than that. It's a deconstruction and rebuilding of a lot of themes and ideas Roadside Picnic suggested into one whole and uses being a yuri and its notable influence from Slavic literature as a backing to the main ideas of liberation, freedom, grief, and what it means to love despite our insignificance. which, reading that yeah no shit that’s how media works, but the specific way Otherside Picnic does it is so intense and so specific that I can't really tell you another series like it. I can state its inspirations and works in the genres it's in but I can't give you anything that is “like” Otherside Picnic because I don't believe that exists.

Otherside Picnic and Iori Miyazawa’s use of psychological and cosmic horror and sci-fi to portray the raw emotions love can induce on a person, especially someone who is very much traumatized and not used to the feeling of being loved or loving works so well you’d think all psychological horror is yuri (which... you could make that argument but I won't be getting into that.) I believe the main point Otherside Picnic is trying to make is that queer love is scary. The Otherside is supposed to be an escape for Sorawo, a place where she can run away and hide, but it ends up becoming the reason she opens up and finds her place in the world. Despite its use of cosmic horror, Otherside Picnic’s narrative feels exceedingly personal, and this is for its narrative as a whole, not just the interpersonal relationship between Sorawo and Toriko. It feels like it’s saying “No matter how big you think your problems are in the grand scheme of things they don’t matter and neither do you.” and even though that seems scary and depressing it uses that to portray so many positive emotions. The characters don't matter, the plot doesn't matter but despite that it keeps going. Love is the driving factor of the plot, not just queer love but the concept of love in general. Most of the characters in some way love each other, or they simply want to be loved. In my opinion nobody exemplifies this better than Toriko.

Toriko is an extremely interesting character. She’s seemingly an open and quite silly girl who's in over her head with trouble she can’t quite grasp and while yes, as a baseline that is true you very quickly realize that there's much more to her than just that.Toriko is a timid girl who is scared who just wants to love and have her love acknowledged but is so scared to commit to her love that she can end up seeming pushy and overbearing. She ends up not committing to her feelings for Satsuki which leads her to be the way she is with Sorawo. She just really doesn't want to lose her and at first ends up not really displaying much care for Sorawo’s feelings even though she very quickly starts to love her. She wants to do the things she couldn’t with Satsuki through Sorawo because throughout most of the story Toriko is grieving. She couldn’t handle the thought of Satsuki being dead and once she finally accepts that she is, she's able to start being able to genuinely love Sorawo. All she wanted was love and it took her a while to realize.

Other aspects of the story are less about love and more about how love affects us.It takes elements from Roadside Picnic, mainly, the insignificance of man and says “Yeah, you’re right about that, but I don’t care.” With this it builds up a narrative separate from Roadside Picnic that is about queer women finding a place where they are free from society’s and the universe’s indifference and cruelty. It’s a story about finding your place in the universe and loving who you are and the people around you, no matter how cruel life is. Otherside Picnic says that all it takes to be free is committing to yourself and who you love and not caring what the universe thinks.

In conclusion Otherside Picnic is a deconstruction and rebuilding on a lot of the things Roadside Picnic was about. It's about finding your place in a universe and society that is indifferent or outright hates you and learning how to love. Although love is a scary thing, especially as a queer person. Committing yourself to someone in whatever way, whether that is romantic or otherwise can feel like a task of cosmic proportion. Being free to do such a thing can feel just as hard as confronting an entity from another world. All Otherside Picnic suggests is to try fighting, for the people you love and for yourself because finding yourself and being free is all that matters. As it stands currently I believe Otherside Picnic is one of my favorite pieces of media ever created. It stands beside Revue Starlight and Undertale for me which are two pieces of media that legitimately changed my life. I can’t give it anything but my highest praise.

If you read all of this and haven’t read it yet. Please do yourself a favor and READ OTHERSIDE PICNIC!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[rei-ismyname]

HEIR OF APOCALYPSE #4 - A WET FART TO END A TURD OF A MINI

So... This was a waste of time at best. I'm not going to bother with any literary analysis because I don't feel like putting more thought into it than the author, so I'm just going to dunk on it. Spoilers below the cut.

If you read my previous entries, you'll recall I reasoned that Mr Sinister would be part of the climax. He was in opposition to everyone else in the mini and had more page space than any two other characters put together. A Chekhov's Gunman, if you will. NOPE. Doesn't even appear. Emma asks where he is and Warren says he fucked off. WHAT WAS THE FUCKING POINT THEN? I didn't want any more of him, but I wanted a story that's internally coherent. He was already a nonsense addition to the cast, and his presence just makes it a mini full of shit jokes and OOC responses to him murdering everyone's friends. He choked everything else out. Readers already have Sinister fatigue from Krakoa, where he was a crucial character - here he's just infuriatingly needless like a child licking all the cupcakes. The child is Steve Foxe, the saliva is Sinister, and the cupcakes are character work and a plot. Would've been nice, but get fucked I guess. Let's check in with the rest of the contestants.

I've read this sequence four times and I still don't know what is happening here. Meant to what, Doug? You can communicate with a fucking rock but can't tell us what's going on? You deserve to get turned into a golden idiot. I take it back, nobody deserves that.

O.....okayyyy. He doesn't pick Cable. This is gibberish. This is the end of Cable's time in the book. Lucky him. I said I wouldn't do any literary analysis but ARGGGHH. This is all information both parties, AND the reader, know. No new context, just taking up page space.

Sup, Forge? You remember how you were going to solve global homelessness and starvation? You'd built this whole system and were excited. You already knew it would work but I'm going to tell you anyway. (Can Apocalypse see the future? Wtf?) Shame it needs Krakoan biotech.

You're just the best. What this world truly needs. Except... You made a bad thing once so you can fuck yourself buddy. Bit rich coming from Apocalypse, no? 'Deserve' is moronic coming from a social Darwinist. He doesn't get picked either. *Pushes glasses up* ACKSHUALLY, he made it to combat Dire Wraiths - it just happened to work on mutants too. Mega dickhead Gyrich couldn't wait to use it and he did. I'd say Forge's sin is actually working for the US military industrial complex where Gyriches can access your shit. Buuuut, that's NOT something Apocalypse can hang on someone else. He's been fomenting war for millennia. Storm is stronger for having lost her powers, so by Apocalypse logic he should be G. God this mini suuuucks.

Alas, Tumblr only allows 10 images per post. Danielle Moonstar will not be featured bc I don't want to explain it then dunk on it. Just trust me when I say it sucks. She doesn't get picked and she's quite fine with that. Maybe Big Blue learnt nothing from his ridiculous Egyptian traps and decided to make one of his four living children heir? Five if you count his clone, Evan, who is just the sweetest kid ever.

I wonder if he's still calling himself Genesis. That'd be funny cos that's Apocalypse's wife's name. We never did see Evan on Krakoa, what's up with that? It would have been the perfect opportunity for what Age of X-Man bungled - interrogating the reason for his existence, destiny, fate, etc. Would he rethink his position on Nature/Nurture upon seeing Apocalypse behave responsibly and selflessly? Many of the other clones had their personhood affirmed - why not he? These are all very good questions that I'll come back to one day, but I'm honestly just trying to build some tension where STEVE didn't. It should be obvious who 'won' using the process of elimination.

Dougie! You're a good kid. Maybe even the best. We know this already. He picks him btw. He picks Douglas Ramsay. Cypher is the Heir of Apocalypse. Does it matter that he survived the Pyramid obstacle course through luck? Or are we meant to assume he 'solved' whatever dumbshit puzzle it was? It's quite clear Big Blue chose who he wanted to and the Tournament somehow helped that process. Doug ends up in Egypt whereas everyone else is on Arakko. Seems like it should be the other way round but whatever. How did Apocalypse get there? The transporter I guess. This really could have been a one shot.

Were you here for more than a panel of Emma Frost, Laura, Rictor (who actually wants to be here and has a relationship with Apocalypse) or Warren? Too bad, fuck you. Were you here for ANY Exodus, Armageddon Girl, Monet, Gorgon, or even Sunfire who teased a way more interesting story in issue 1? Double fuck you. You get nothing. All people I care about more than Sinister and his dumb jokes. May as well have done a Deadpool movie tie in LIKE EVERY OTHER FUCKING COMIC THIS WEEK. Okay I'm getting distracted - Doug wins the nebulous position of Heir and a ... Transformation. Drumroll please.

Woo! Bei and Warlock sightings! It's nice that they're supportive and they're the first good thing in this book. The second is that Arakko isn't blown up or moved to another dimension or whatever. We might see it again, hopefully in better hands than this kick in the balls. Anyway, let's see what Doug looks like post-transformation and wrap this shit up. Hopefully he doesn't look like an idiot.

HAHAHAHA HAHAHAHA. Oh my god he looks ridiculous. His face and body language look like mine the first time I saw him. 'Fucking really, dude? This doesn't feel like a reward.' Gold, short, Apocalypse - That's what Doug looks like now. Big Blue can alter his own body at the molecular level and he chose Mini Me from Austin Powers 2. Ororo grew up in Cairo, maybe she can call his dumb ass out for cultural appropriation? He looks like a Halloween outfit or a bad cosplayer that doesn't know he's white. White boy dreadlocks given human form.

Is he fine with being renamed as well? Revelation is another word for Apocalypse, the greek translation AFAIK. It was mentioned a lot in Immortal X-Men and Excalibur. C-3PO here could tell him that too. It makes zero sense.

I can't see how this is close to a good thing for Doug, sorry, REVELATION. Apocalypse is kinda world famous as a genocidal lunatic. He may have worn a suit to the Davos economic forum and dropped awesome one liners but it's easy to forget that was a setup. They had 20~ dudes with psi-blockers, body armour and assault rifles to kill them. Unless he included some massive physical upgrades and defenses Doug is in great danger. I hope he got to Egypt by other means bc his days of commercial flight are over. Forget flight, going to the shops to buy food will terrify everyone he sees and he'll probably get murked by a SWAT team. Fuck this is dumb.

OUTRO/SLIGHTLY MORE SERIOUSLY

Okay, it's happened, I've accepted it. Heir of Apocalypse was hot garbage and Doug looks like a fool. What now? Doug has inherited the job of 'shepherding mutantkind' with his words. I know Warren is not listening to him lol. Why would anyone else? Big Blue built up *some* goodwill during Krakoa but blew it at the end. Look how many of the contestants showed up to keep an eye on him. Most of them. Nobody trusts this MF and looking like a gold version of him can only hurt his efforts. A good writer can make anything work, but those kind of pitches getting accepted are rare.

Sigh. What seems more likely to me is some dipshit making Doug a villain. I really hope not, because let's face it, Apocalypse's motivations were always nonsensical. He's like the Phoenix - totally iconic but becomes harder to take seriously each time it's used. Hickman and Gillen, respectively, are exceptions to that and part of their success was retconning the idiotic shit that had been overused and then recontextualising the concept from the ground up. One could argue that Doug as Heir of Apocalypse is doing just that, but if that happens that writer has a lot of work to do.

I'd LOVE for him to get his own book examining exactly how one fills that role with Doug's skills, powers, experience, and worldview. Truly, I would, but the Marvel formula is built on punching and Doug doesn't do that. He's just said he's not going to do that. The easy/obvious path to take is to have Doug go craaaazy (ugh) or be changed into Violence Man from whatever Apocalypse did to him, which would be a waste of time. It'd just be Apocalypse 2: The Goldening. Sadly it's probably most likely.

Until then, I guess Revelation is a gold idiot that's probably not appearing in any books. I'd love for him to show up to the bar Anole works at in NYX or something but let's be serious here. This wasn't even good bad, 'twas just an incoherent disappointment.

[perexcri]

Leah!!! Oh Lordy idofnwkfjajdjwfjejfjdjc Flirty And Happy/comfy w himself Will fic!! It’s like u can see Exactly inside my brain and know what kind of fic I’m craving. I’m so Very excited to see where you take this bc the first chapter was !!!!!🥰🥰🥰

“Mike’s always been one for boldness, for sculpting light out of darkness and shadows out of glows–obviously he’d like working with charcoals” screams. I Adore that Mike’s gotten into charcoal (also cackled that he was clearly trying to get art class w will poor bb)—it’s a hard medium to work w (I’m Bad at it) but I think ur right, I feel like Mike wouldn’t be bad at it.

“It takes Will a good two seconds to convince himself not to press his lips into Mike’s neck, just to dispel the word friend out of the air. Like, yes, they’re friends, but also…it’d be cool to be friends but also something else, right?

“Yeah,” Will finally says, already being dragged down into a cascading tornado of thoughts that begins with swingsets and ends with What are we, Mike?”

S c r e a m i n g rolling on the floor wiggling like a slug. E s pecially that last line of that bit. I’m going to Eat My Phone.

Earnest flirting Best flirting !!! Will is the most valid and correct person ever actually😌

Love me some Platonic Madwise and u write them so well—despite the fact that the show Hasn’t let them interact much at all— and just diandrkfjw.

Also!!! Willel!!! Siblings!! They’re so !!!

“The Party has its own intergroup dynamics and mini units that like to meet on their own for their own hangout time: the four boys have a weekly D&D session separate from the one they do with the girls; Lucas and Will sometimes meet to go on runs or work out; El and Max are practically inseparable; Lucas, Dustin, and Mike have set up shop in one of the unused utility closets to tinker with old A/V equipment the school had all but abandoned.” I’m literally So feral over this. the Party Being Friends!!!!!!! Kicking my feet rn

Painting for Mike :D !!!! I’m So rieicjshfjw invested in seeing how this is going to turn out !! Ur ability to set up plot that leaves me invested is like So talent and I just!!

ur writing is lovely wonderful and u are v wonderful and I hope you are having a fantastic weekend💕💕

VEEEE!! i'm glad i can provide what you're looking for 😌 i genuinely meant this to be a flirty fic, but i think i like where it ended up going instead better :D as funny as it is to write about these two being losers, it's been nice to write about Will being happy with who he is for once (especially since my other wip is just taking a scalpel to all of Mike's self-esteem issues but we don't have to talk about that right now)

!!! i'm glad i could have an artist agree with me on the charcoals thing!! i haven't used them since the art class i took my junior year of high school, but i remember them being my favorite thing to work with. Mike just seems like the kind of person who'd like black-and-white mediums. but more importantly: he just wanted to spend time with Will 😩

*punches wall* Will is going to be happy, dammit

and i'm glad you like that he's being earnest!! honestly this fic started off with a post i saw around new year's (which i haven't bothered to look for again but i know i reblogged it lol) talking about flirty Will. i tried to approach it like i did with cheer up, baby where i was taking a trope that often gets applied to Mike and was trying to imagine what it would look like if Will did it. in this case, i figured he'd be a lot more earnest with his flirting rather than teasing or brash. he just seems like the kind of person that would look at you with shiny anime eyes and say the most heartfelt thing you've ever heard

AHHHH i'm also so glad you're enjoying all the little group dynamics T_T i love Max/Will/El as a trio even though those three barely interact as a group in the show lol. i'd sell my soul for a whole season of st that's just the three of them hanging out tbh

heheheh yesss a painting for Mike!! i'm gonna make everybody's theory that the painting was gonna be one of them meeting on the swing set a reality even if it kills me. i'm still recovering from the whiplash of watching vol2 and Mike unrolling the canvas - i literally watched it the first time and went "but isn't it supposed to be them on the swings?? did they not get the memo?"

Vee i know i only finished posting aftry like a week ago but i got so used to marathon-posting it and seeing your thoughts on each chapter every day that i've missed see your name pop up in my ask box ajkfsdalkj. so it was lovely to wake up and see a new message from you!! you are lovely to talk with as always, and i am wishing you a wonderful weekend too!! or, i guess it's technically monday, so i am wishing you a lovely week!! :] 💜💜💜

[w0nd3rb0ii]

GOOOOOOD MORNING MY MENTALLY ILL POOKIES (5.5.2024)

my life is suchhh a mess helloooooo im back

im just gonna post a little life recap because last time i was actually active on here was like may

june '23: binged ALL MONTH but was like leftover skinny from getting down to like 118 , life was insane, partied a ton, rehearsals all the time, was 6 months into a relationship

july '23: kept on eatingggg, broke up w my gf and started dating this guy frankie (shameless namedrop) which was a whole like plot arc a year and a half in the making, wizard of oz happened (i was tin man), i went to x games, also new york!

august '23: disney trip w frankie, week long beach trip with my friend whos super hot and skinny and it made me sad but i got a tan and it was super fun overall, i was literally js getting fatter and fatter tho, so yea. also i went to scotland and got cast as ms trunchbull in matilda! also school started so that was fun

october '23: relationship was still slaying, i was still fat but not getting fatter, i went to hoco and school was schooling

november '23: mini relapse got me skinnyish, school existed

december '23: binged consistently, was ugly, bf was still amazing, school was scary but ended up fine

january '24: pregnancy scare started a christianity arc for me, i joined choir, i consistently was only eating like 400 cals and i was feeling pretty good ab my body but then after matilda show weekend i started binging like crazyyy (show weekend slayed but everyone got sick during tech week)

february '24: winter formal happened and was sm fun, dance comp season started, still fat, me and frankie went on a break at 7 and a half months because we could never see each other, spring semester started at school, i went to church camp and broke up with him on the way home because religious guilt about all the stuff we had done together (so we lasted almost 8 months)

march '24: aftermath of breakup was a lot, i auditioned for this crazy hard to get into choir at school AND GOT IN (!!!). kiiinda messed up God era because this guy i met at the start of spring semester and i started talking and it became a whole fwb thing WHICH WAS FUNNY because i definitely was not and am still not all the way over my ex. but me and the other guy started dating! (on my bday actually lol), ALSO I GOT CAST AS CINDERELLA IN CINDERELLA FOR MY LAST SHOW AT MY STUDIOOOO

april '24: still fat but i feel like ive gotten a little prettier recently, school is terrifying because i cant make myself do anything productive, me and the guy slaying but we got into like 2 fights over spring break but we fixed it both times! (it was my b bc i lied to him ab drinking and vaping), we went to the renaissance faire and it was sm fun!

may '24: i found out my ex bf might have been talking to another girl towards the end of a relationship, theyre going to prom together, theyre a thing now and its like really hurt which is dumb bc ive fully been in a relationship for like a month now but idk if im fully even in it because the bf is transferring and going to college in the fall and im staying at our community college bc performance opportunities and choir. and i kinda have a crush on the guy thats my prince for cinderella but im not doing anything about it because if anythings meant to come from it hes coming to my school next year soo yea well see idrc. but yeah so that happened, me and the current bf saw john mulaney last night, im js now getting back into caring ab my body because i do NOT WANT TO BE FAT FOR SUMMER. so yeah. idk how much i weigh. ill figure it out as soon as i can but my mom hid my scale. well seeee

so yea thats my update ill try to be active on here bye pookies

[cubedmango]

kr anon back at it again: it's okay, feel free to take your time ofc bc i know you have a life outside all this (and i do too dw haha) - i'm just glad to know an artist i like has been enjoying this rollercoaster of a show too, and that you're truly getting into the build experience now like the rest of us <3 [1/?]

(rest below)

and yes misora and sawa!!! like i said before, i went into build pretty much spoiled for every major twist in the show, but i didn't always know when exactly it would happen, so even though i knew about sawa seemingly double-crossing them beforehand, i was still surprised to see it already get revealed in ep. 9 or 10 (i can't remember rn which exact episode it was) bc i didn't expect it to happen that early. and it's definitely meant to be one of the first major twists in the show that can actually take one aback, since i don't think anybody was really surprised about gentoku turning out to be night rogue (and unless you count the sento previously being satou taro thing), so you're not alone there in your initial feelings of betrayal haha. i'm just glad things worked out for her and the rest of the nascita gang in the end, with them forgiving her and becoming supportive of her again by the end of ep. 12 and the theme song even playing during that scene instead of at the usual opening, though it was kinda funny to see sento and isurugi being very gleeful over not having actually dropped a matchbook or having left the fridge door open as sawa claimed they did at first, bc it's still factual that sento did detransform like just a few feet away from her after saving her life in ep. 1 so that didn't exactly help in covering up his tracks you know? 😭 [2/?]

and it's definitely nice to see the women's relationship getting some of the spotlight in those couple of episodes (even if i feel like there still hadn't been a lot of one-on-one convos between them that weren't focused on the guys by that point), and that it was misora who discovered the bugging and confronted sawa about it (bc those moments could have easily gone to either sento or banjou, and it's also a good way to show both misora doing plot-relevant things *and* her and sawa genuinely having a connection of their own outside of the men), even if she unfortunately got interrupted by banjou's poor timing in his search for his mini-dragon hdjhwsakfhs. and i'm glad sawa and misora got to eat together again at the end of ep. 12 too (considering how misora initially seemed to be the most wary of sawa when she fessed up at the beginning of the episode, and even got her tied up for a bit afterwards due to said mistrust - that part where misora used her rabbit plushie u-tan as a go-between for talking was admittedly kinda funny though, and she was at least nicer to sawa than she was to banjou when she'd previously tied him up by having her sit on a chair this time and not making her take off her shoes lol - before deciding to believe in her story), including that whole "come on, stop crying!" "i'm not crying!" "then don't!" banter between them 🥹 [3/?]

in general, i'm glad sawa got her moment(s) to shine in ep. 12 after a period of not having that much screentime :') like the fact that she was the one who thought to approach the prime minister and try to convince him of the connection between faust, nanba, and the touto government, even if it failed in the end because of gentoku's admittedly clever scheme to have the government lead an operation to ostensibly eliminate faust at that very moment and scapegoat utsumi for it (and it's clear now there's more to the latter than meets the eye, given his earlier cryptic comments to sento that were like "you and i are both in the same cage"). and i am admittedly biased towards this part bc it involves my fave sawa moment ever that genuinely made me gasp the first time i saw a gif of it on this site, which is her jumping backwards through the window and breaking the glass and somehow surviving by a hair gwjbfkagns (with a bewildered sento down below waiting for her and just watching all this shit play out lmao). if this were a just world, the show would give her many more opportunities to do crazy yet cool stunts like that (she does get a few more tbf, but nothing quite on that same level imo) and just like, give her many more things to do in general but oh well 😔 speaking of utsumi, that whole exchange between him and sento at the touto institute was pretty funny (the "well, that... is a secret" and the subsequent :P moment from sento, and then utsumi turning the tables on him moments later by repeating that same line and sento being grudgingly impressed that he actually had a sense of humor deep down) but also definitely raises questions re: utsumi's whole deal, though it also makes me feel concerned bc i honestly think sento is being a bit too careless in the way he almost freely asks these kinds of questions with little sense of subtlety 😭 it's a wonder government snipers didn't get him right there and then, bc he and banjou still needed to be lured over to the nanba lab for that showdown with gentoku or something, but yeah lmwnfkjnsj [4/?]

going back to misora though: i never thought of it like that before but now that you mention it, you're right on the money about the 7-year thing :O i mean it's probably a coincidence but it's a cool one nonetheless... ace attorney and the 7-year gap ofc, cherry magic and kurosawa being in love with adachi for 7 years, and now this, plus there's 1 more jpn media i can think of atm that has a 7-year thing in it but i don't remember if you're familiar with it lol. and yes that was really sweet of banjou to take her out on a 'date' to do things he saw she liked and had always wanted to enjoy like shopping but couldn't due to always staying inside for her safety, and to show that after she'd seemed to find him annoying during their first meeting and he'd called her names like 'shut-in brat' before and ofc all that chaining each other up, they were progressing to actually becoming friends now :') the goofy (yet kinda necessary ig, since banjou was still a fugitive and to make misora feel a bit safer out in public too, even if she complained about it for a bit lol) disguises they wore of a schoolgirl and a yanki-type delinquent student (ngl it's pretty funny but also weird to see akaso with that pompadour-like thing and with his forehead on full display 😭) despite them being already like 19 and 23 respectively were the cherry on top ofc, even if in the end it didn't quite work out bc misora got (sort of) recognized on the streets by her hardcore fans from her mii-tan voice alone anyway hwsjgfwks [5/?]

and it was also nice to see that they trusted each other enough by now for misora to feel comfortable discussing her backstory and for banjou to be okay with talking more about his relationship with kasumi :-) and how misora was able to get banjou to understand sento and his actions a bit more, like how he was such a caring person underneath his typical sarcastic shithead persona that he even built that conversion device thing to help misora out with her powers and so she wouldn't feel the need to fall asleep after using said powers as much anymore T_T and then seeing banjou protect her when those guardian robot cops found them and she fell unconscious after having a trauma response to seeing gentoku as night rogue, and their later conversation where she said that sento essentially saved her after she was initially afraid of using her powers following her rescue from faust, and she was able to purify those bottles now bc she knew they would be used by sento in the pursuit of justice and heroism... man. and ofc her telling banjou about sento's feelings of guilt wrt his role in kasumi's death, and then banjou himself saying that he didn't blame sento for it (and that was a good moment to show that even though banjou was still claiming at the time that he and sento weren't friends, he wasn't that harsh and cruel that he'd actively blame sento for what happened to kasumi), but nevertheless sento felt an obligation to make up for it by not just clearing banjou's name for the murder he was falsely accused of but also guiding him onto the right path, and that included things like making the mini-dragon to help banjou 😔 [6/?]

and yeah about the doxxing idol thing wskfjhsrfds like irl ofc i'd be more than concerned, but well bc this is a toku show, i'll give it a pass and it *is* a very funny gag admittedly (and ig in hindsight it's also in line with how misora had to practically scam her viewers at one point into giving her money that sento and banjou would use to pay their sky road guide into hokuto since nobody else in the gang had or wanted to volunteer their own funds) 😭 like... could your other fave idols do that *and* get away with it? didn't think so! though hopefully none of the little kids who've watched build will actually take that part to heart and be seriously inspired to follow in misora's footsteps when they grow up 😭😭😭 and so you've reached this part already but yeah! i think i did mention in one of my previous messages that banjou was officially build's secondary rider, or something to that effect, but i guess i just kinda dropped the comment in passing without really elaborating so i understand that you probably missed it 😅 though banjou is said to have redefined the role on such a level that a lot of people basically consider him the co-primary rider with sento atp, similar to the dynamic between the very first 2 riders, hongo takeshi and ichimonji hayato, from the original kr show in the 70's (on whom sento and banjou were explicitly based on, as said in that promotional article i linked you where they were advertised with the 'heated drama between men' tagline), and that he's written in a way that makes him feel like a protagonist instead of the typical deuteragonist (which i generally agree with - his hero's journey definitely feels a lot more classic shounen mc stuff and the like compared to sento's arc, since sento is already a 'hero' at the beginning of build), to the point some people feel he kinda overshadows sento himself at times, though i personally haven't felt that way while watching it (yet) and i just think it's neat that the narrative has given their arcs pretty equal weight so far, and that just makes their relationship all the more worthwhile in my eyes [7/?]

and it's actually very common in kr shows to have multiple riders (i'm pretty sure every heisei and now reiwa season has at least 2 of them, with the notable exception of the very first heisei show kuuga, where i'm told it's intrinsic to the narrative that its protagonist godai was the lone hero, although iirc many fans see his male partner ichijou - with whom he has heavy gay subtext ofc, and they probably deserve the title of gayest m/m kr pairing to date, or at least in the heisei era just for being the pioneers - as being the proto-secondary rider), with most of them being men ofc, but there's been a growing number of female riders over the years, but like with the franchise's female characters in general, the ways they have been treated in comparison to their male counterparts have varied like one show can apparently have its non-rider female characters be given more respect than the rider ones, and also it's apparently been a common enough trope across various seasons that a female character will attempt to transform but will fail for seemingly no other reason than she's a woman and wow isn't that stupid of her, or they'll string viewers along into thinking that maybe she'll genuinely become a rider at some point but doesn't in the end for whatever half-assed reason, and it's played for laughs or something 😬 (though this is why some people joked that build subverted misogynistic expectations by having banjou as a guy be the one to fail at transforming for once lmao) plus i think i also mentioned before that build doesn't have any female riders at all for some reason (idk if this kind of decision is ultimately up more to the season's writers or to the producers/execs and bandai as the ones generally behind creating the suit designs and toys though), but like i've also said, that's not an inherent indicator of the quality of the female characters' writing, and in fact i've seen a lot of fans who really like misora and sawa and think they've been more respectfully handled than the women in quite a few other seasons, even given their underutilization by build's narrative at times, which just sadly says a lot huh 😔 [8/?]

but it would be remiss of me to not add that there have definitely been genuinely well-written female riders too, such as igarashi sakura who was the tertiary in the 2021-2022 season revice, even with the overall show itself being kinda divisive or generally seen as mid (and who is in fact involved in some of that kr f/f stuff i previously mentioned as someone who was basically written as a canon wlw/lesbian within the show, but unfortunately she and her love interest aguilera apparently got sister-zoned by toei in some post-series stuff, even as i do think it doesn't truly take away from the actual material shown in the main series but it's still disappointing that the execs or whoever felt the need to pull this move after having allowed revice's writers to go that far in writing them as romantically as possible without having them kiss onscreen, but i'll have to talk about this in more detail another time bc otherwise i'll reach 50 separate messages atp 😭) anyway back to build: aside from our main 2 guys, there'll be a few more riders to meet down the line, some of them becoming allies and others being more antagonistic, but nonetheless i hope you'll enjoy getting to know them in general :-) and yeah even though i knew it was coming, it was still really neat to see banjou finally transform into kamen rider cross-z for the first time! and i'm glad you like banjou's dragonsona as well hehe <3 sento being genuinely proud and amazed at the sight of banjou successfully transforming (while still calling him an idiot bc ofc it's sento) was also :') such a typical shithead move though for him to pretend to fall over from his arm injury when banjou asked him where he got ahold of kasumi's letter but then to immediately stand up again and grab banjou by the shoulders to ask him to repeat himself when he heard banjou thanking him 😭😭 [9/?]

as for the kasumi thing, yeah sadly i don't think she and banjou will get anything beyond the sakura tree flashbacks (even though they surely had to have gone on many other dates in other places to the point that they were implied to have gotten engaged), at least from what i've seen 😔 but yes at least they did the bare minimum with her character still visibly having an impact on the narrative, considering the fridging was still pretty :/ as a whole. and granted, i know cherry blossoms are generally considered a very romantic thing/trope in japan, so ig they just wanted to use that as shorthand for how much banjou loved kasumi, and it's true you can really feel that (which is more than i can say for ex-aid's dead gf storyline that i mentioned before, where it feels like the handling of saki's character was misogynistic enough it ended up making her bf hiiro feel instead like an extremely repressed gay man who had been using her as a beard even as he kept acting like he loved her sooo much and was so hung up on her death, and idk how much of that reading was genuinely intended by ex-aid's writer 😭) plus yeah dw she still does get mentioned later on, albeit not in such a major manner anymore i think, and sometimes in a more indirect way where she doesn't get mentioned by name but you know banjou or other characters are thinking about her or he's briefly flashing back to her again. and it was nice of sento to tell banjou where her family grave was located (though it does make me wonder about how that implies kasumi had never told him of it while she was still alive, when it seems like her parents had probably also died sometime ago and like did she never try to bring banjou along for a cemetery visit or something at any point... idk man, ig we're not supposed to think too hard on it unless one is really dedicated to fleshing out their hcs lol), even if he delivered the info in his usual annoying manner by trying to 'narrate' banjou's thoughts about missing her while the latter was broodily staring into the distance lmao (and even if it was also a setup for banjou to find her apparent last letter that who knows how sento got access to in the first place) [10/?]

and gah i love that ep. 10 scene so much ❤️🥺 it's definitely one of my favorite early ryusen moments showcasing the build-up (heh) of trust between them, along with that part from ep. 6 in the faust lab where banjou stops an emotionally overwhelmed sento from going after blood stalk and reminds him of what sento said before re: prioritizing being build over regaining his memories T_T but bc it's sento, he just had to throw in a "saiyaku da"/"this is terrible" before telling banjou he'd also been thinking of believing in him... also not beating the tsundere allegations sometimes lmao. the way you could (briefly) see their soft little smiles afterwards was very :') though (and i know that this kind of trope applies to many other fictional partner-type couples too but still. agreed on the narumitsu-isms of it all...) and while it does take a bit longer for their partnership to be fully cemented, i appreciate that the story was already solidly laying the groundwork for it even before banjou officially became a rider too, to show that their bond could go beyond just being riders who work together (although that part is obviously very important to the narrative as well), compared to some other rider dynamics in other seasons :-) like that showdown with the guys vs. gentoku and stalk in ep. 10 was a very good fight scene in general, and showed off the growing power of their teamwork even if they didn't exactly fully win in the end. plus what will become a running theme of sento and banjou helping each other up when the other person hits a low point, literally and/or metaphorically, is definitely emphasized here, with banjou refusing to leave sento's side and insisting on fighting alongside him, and later it was also nice to see sento say "he entrusted me with it... so i refuse to lose!" after banjou got the little dragon to give his bottle over to sento so the latter could use it to transform :') (and it was pretty funny to see that even the dragon managed to get in a few hits against gentoku... imagine even a cute little animal robot beating my ass for a bit, i'd never live it down) [11/?]

also love how that fight showed gentoku and stalk's on-again, off-again relationship being in full swing now and that they're imminently hurtling towards their villain divorce arc 😌 on a side note, i gotta admit i still feel bad whenever i think about the part of this episode where banjou jumped that poor unsuspecting guard to steal his uniform and then left him only in his underwear tied up practically from head to toe and writhing on the ground like. did he really need to do all that 😭😭 jwjfksjgws sento smiling in relief when he saw banjou liked the name he chose for his rider form was cute though (very 'my crush likes something i gave him' vibes, thinking about it now, although i don't quite think sento's truly in love with him atp yet but he is. getting there), and so was the fact that banjou apparently liked it so much that he even tried to bother the girls about it while they were still in the middle of eating and they were understandably annoyed by his antics 😭 though i also admittedly can't figure out the reasoning behind why the name would specifically be cross-z, bc it's never elaborated on after this to my knowledge, and it doesn't really fit the suit's image imo, unlike when people thought toei would romanize the jpn name as 'claws' instead (which makes more sense given you know, the dragon theming) back when the show was still airing. and like i can't really find any commonality between the names build and cross-z either (compared to say, ex-aid's riders who were video game-themed and called stuff like brave (who had a 'hero with a sword' motif), snipe (who was like a first-person shooter), and lazer (which sounds similar to racer and who could transform into ex-aid's bike)) so... whatever, some things are just meant to remain toei secrets ig 🤷🏼‍♀️ [12/?]

btw was the kurodachi scene from ep. 5 it reminded you of the one when adachi was madly grinning to himself by the photocopier after kurosawa thanked him for saving his ass during the meeting with president hashimoto? 😭 bc yeah now that you bring it up, i can see the similarities... it really does end up feeling like they were thinking of including all the possible romantic-coded moments they could, both big and small huh djfwkjfh and yes it's also definitely great to see their friendship genuinely developing now, particularly after the kinda love-hate relationship they shared (well, mostly on banjou's end towards sento ngl) in the first few episodes :') and on akaso's other comments... dw, i promise you'll see when you get there hfkwjdhs [13/?]

hmm i see i see. as for the stalk thing - while ofc i wouldn't be able to say if the possible spoiler you saw is true or not, nevertheless i hope you'll still be able to enjoy the ride in learning more about his whole deal 👍🏼 and good luck with any possible redraws you might do, if you end up deciding to go through with them :-) also since you mention being caught up to ep. 12 now, i'd encourage you to watch eps. 13-16 asap (but like. whenever you're actually available too ofc) since imo that's where they first really amp up the stakes (right before ep. 21 which i also mentioned in a previous message), and ngl i'd like to see if you'd also lose your mind the way i did over what happens (even when i already knew what was coming) jgkskrfdhj [14/?]

as for my own watching, i'm nearing episode 30 now and where i'm at, i'm definitely seeing more and more of what akaso meant by the 'heroine' thing and all like. bro they are *not* playing around with that romantic subtext here 😭😭😭🙏🏼 this shit gets serious like damn‼️ can't wait to see you finally get to these parts too bc i feel like there's so much you'd also be obsessed with gjdgwfksh but also ofc there's many other great or at least decently handled aspects aside from the gay stuff, such as both misora and sawa getting that spotlight again from time to time, delving further and further into the hints re: the villains' ultimate plans and goals, the introduction of interesting new characters and players and the developments in many characters' arcs, cool fight scenes, and some good relevant social commentary, and i hope you'll enjoy those as well ^_^ [15/?]

and sure, you're welcome :-) though that reminds me, even though i previously said that this crossover movie isn't officially canon by toei's standards, it turns out there was in fact a direct callback or two to it in some of the latest episodes i've seen, and while they kinda explain some of it, it's still not really delved into, presumably to also not spoil the movie for show watchers who hadn't seen it or something, so yeah ig it's best that we do watch/finish heigen final at some point lol, even if not immediately after watching ep. 14. and yup about iijima, like iirc he was 21 at the time of that promo event and he was probably 26 at the time of filming for odt, but wow the way his face matured so much in those 5-ish years sure threw me for a bit lmao and well from everything i've heard, ex-aid is definitely much more of a mixed bag compared to build, and a lot of people weren't big on the rider vs. rider conflict set up here which they felt kinda went overboard at times (especially wrt how the protagonist emu was a genuinely kind and helpful person who just got kicked around, sometimes literally, by so many of the other characters for a good portion of the story) and that tackling both gamers and doctors was a bit too much in the end, but imo there's still some interesting stuff about the characters and themes (and there's also some of that typical kr gay subtext-y stuff here, albeit not as strong as build's and idk if you'd like it as much) that you might still end up enjoying the show in your own way (though i've basically given you enough warning already at least on the dead gf storyline here, which figures much more prominently compared to build but in a way that many fans also found a lot more annoying, bc of the maybe-accidental yaoi misogyny), no matter what the majority opinion is [16/?]

and while we're on the topic of movies, let me also just inform you ahead that like most other kr shows, build has its own obligatory summer movie, titled 'kamen rider build the movie: be the one' (named for the show's opening theme, and it's a phrase that is for sure relevant to the plot here) - ig it's technically more canon to build than heigen final, and it's set between eps. 45 and 46 of the show, but it's not really meant to be connected to its main plot either (although the antagonists here are kinda related to the show's main villain iirc), but i wouldn't suggest skipping it bc it does show some further sento development this time (compared to heigen final and the banjou content), and also. if you think the show was already pushing the ryusen agenda hard, boy wait till you see this movie 😭😭 talk about build's writer shogo muto being on a roll like. and there's also a reason why so many of the build fmvs i've seen so far prominently include scenes from this movie kfjkwshjdf plus be the one also introduces a form/suit that gets used in a major way in the stageplay, which in turn is more technically canon material that's technically (i know i'm overusing this word atp but whatever) set during the series finale but portrays events that aren't actually shown onscreen there for reasons (you'll understand when you get there) and in a way basically serves as an epilogue to the show, and ofc has more good ryusen content. there's also a post-series movie, 'heisei generations forever,' that's a crossover with the next season, zi-o, and like with heigen final, it features some characters from previous seasons like the main characters in den-o. i'm told it depicts essentially a nice culmination of sento's arc from the show, plus even though muto wasn't directly involved in this movie anymore, the writer here still couldn't resist making sento say some real sappy gay shit about banjou (even if not to his face as usual) like... insert wow-owen-wilson.jpg. there's also the v-cinema (jpn equivalent of direct-to-video) movies and a bunch of other web-exclusive specials, but many of those are of more questionable quality and are probably best discussed further at another time, so anyway that's the gist of it at least. and all these can be found on the toku . fun site, so feel free to finally watch them when the time comes :-) [17/?]

also shoutout to the other funny moments that i can remember from this batch of episodes you've watched: sento telling banjou in that one episode recap to not concern himself with how he manages to keep all those bottles on his person; sento once again trying to test an invention of his on the rest of the gang, complete with manic giggling, and banjou having to hold him back before he could actually attempt anything; banjou's disguise in ep. 11 i think where he was like "i'm *obviously* pretending to be a birdwatcher so that i can scope out where the enemy is!" to sento; that part in ep. 12 where they were preparing to battle gentoku in the nanba lab but sento got so shocked and taken aback by banjou daring to upstage him; and their in-suit bickering after that fight where banjou was like "you're pretty good, for a sidekick" and sento retorted with "and you're pretty good, for a complete amateur" and an annoyed banjou just told him to shut up or something 😭 also this is from the earlier episodes you'd watched previously, but i suddenly remembered sento's cringefail math watch and clock and wow that man can be such a loser (affectionate) huh. and also things like misora continuously bonking an unconscious banjou with u-tan after his fight with sento and failed transformation in ep. 6 and saying he'd died, those cute chibi drawings of himself and the other characters presumably made by sento on his transparent board like wow who knew a scientist like him had such hidden depths (slash j), plus that time banjou kept following sento around to accuse him of being katsuragi's real killer to the point that sento had now kept a count of the 300+ times he asked it in like idk, 2 days lmao also since i rewatched ep. 1 in full fairly recently, i'm gonna say that one part of sento and misora's dynamic so far that feels very phoenix and maya-like to me was when they scribbled on each other's faces while the other was asleep... truly annoying sibling-like behavior <3 [18/?]

and about aa characters getting into build - i actually realized there's perfect timing in how aa2 takes place in 2017-2018 and that's also when build aired, so i imagine edgeworth and maya in particular watching it then being all 😟 when they see sento's identity crisis going in for the kill, especially if edgeworth wouldn't be able to stop himself from paralleling their issues the way i do and concluding that well his life isn't going great but ultimately his problems feel like small potatoes in comparison to sento's 😭 and i also don't know of any aa/kr (build or otherwise) crossover or au fics so far but yeah better to play it safe atm in your case jwfdrkgjys though feel free to be the change you want to see in the world if there really turns out to be nothing yet 😌🙏🏼 well this has gotten long enough again so i'll end it here for now, and continue to enjoy the rest of build! ^_^ ❤️ [19/19]

hi, kamen rider anon here again - just wanted to tell you about my recent discovery that the cherry magic mangaka had actually tweeted sento/banjou fanart she drew after finishing the show in late 2020 (it seems she started watching it sometime after learning of akaso's casting in the cm drama): twitter . com/toyotayou/status/1335184391904108545?t=qznD1xvm9UgAYaTYKhF27Q&s=19 👁️👁️ she also included fanart of misora and the guy with a parasocial crush on her, which seems to be a fairly popular ship among jpn fans to my bafflement, though i guess at least part of it is about just really finding him attractive and also remembering the actor from his previous popular (i think?) role as otoya (whose character was also weird towards women, unfortunately) in the 2007-2008 kr season kiva (he's in fact one of 3 main actors in build who'd already acted in kr or toku in general before, the others being akaso ofc and sawa's actor who's been in ultraman and sentai shows) so like. okay i guess 🤷🏼‍♀️ [1/3]

i'm also nearly on ep. 40 of build now, and so far it's not letting up in terms of the plot stakes and the character drama like damn 😭 the 40's is where i've heard the plot kinda falters though, and part of it from what i can tell is because of all the toy upgrades from bandai that the writer muto had to find a way to integrate into the story which he probably found overwhelming in the end (though i mean this was the first and only toku he's written for to date, and he wrote pretty much all the episodes unlike most other kr seasons which have head writer and then assistant/secondary writers, so the fact that build ended up still being relatively good is a testament to his overall skill imo), since iirc most of the suits/toys are designed first and the season's respective writers then have to work with it, and another part is how muto appears to have sorta reworked certain storylines bc apparently two actors fell sick while filming was ongoing, although thankfully both also eventually recovered to my knowledge (it was none of the main cast members, but these two played side characters who were still relatively important to the overall story and/or some of the main characters' arcs, so it's still a bit of a bummer 😔). regardless, i'm still trying to keep an open mind though (or as the sweaters banjou would wear say, "keep your mind be open window everyday") for when i reach those parts also i know i already talked a bit about it in a previous message but i really do think you'd enjoy the sawa content in the episode 20's - like she still could have stood to be given way more screentime overall but i'm happy enough with what we got - plus some more stuff for her and misora's relationship :-) and the tournament arc (well there's arguably 3 tournament arcs here, and only the first 2 have been shown so far) that was mentioned in that post i shared before is also really well-done imo, definitely peak build content right there that showcases its core themes well <3 and ofc the ryusen stuff is also great as expected, and when it's angst time for the two, the show really knows how to Get you, especially re: events in the episode 30's T_T [2/3]

anyway that's all i wanted to share for now - i just found it neat that toyota yuu had also watched and enjoyed build (and probably saw into the gay subtext like the rest of us lol), presumably bc of akaso (his power), and i also wanted to update you a bit on where i am now and what later parts of the show i feel you'd like/love. again, feel free to watch at your own pace though and share your own updates whenever you like :-) (also did you celebrate your birthday recently? if so, happy birthday! 🥳) [3/3]

kr anon!!! hi again !!!!!!!!! so sorry for the one billion year gap i was planning on watching the next few eps literally right after u sent the first batch of asks and then uhhh. . the pkmn brainrot got to me again and i totally lost track of everything in the blorbo craze u know how it is. anyways i managed to catch up to ep15 now (Crazy pace i know) AND????? WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON

okay so. that spoiler about stalk i saw earlier was the him being isurugi thing BUT IT COMES UP SO EARLY UR KIDDING ME? WHAT??!!??! i really thought it would be some end game type reveal but nope they just dropped that . and in the most painful way too just fucking lying to sento and misoras faces saying all that stuff abt family and everything ough i cant. do this? he was using them this entire time?? what happened to the silly coffee man that did the haha ace attorney reference . i dont believe this im closing my eyes 5ever

also i stopped w that ep15 cliffhanger and o god the plot twists just keep plot twisting literally what is Going ON !!!! cant predict anything in this show they just keep Throwing things at me Every Other Episode . what do u mean the scientist changed his appearance . what happened to the satou taro guy??? gentokus done for?????? does misora know abt isurugi????????????????????????????????? my head is spinning i rlly need to watch the next few eps fast huh 😳

also took some screenshots again and this scene. it needs a special mention its so fucking funny

but for a more serious one that made me have to pause and sit for a minute:

THEYRE INSANE FOR THIS .? my brain is fried from that last plot twist so i cant words rn but like. the character growth of it all. the caring for found family of it all. the romance of it all if u rlly think abt it (smth smth nrmt-isms Again i got turnabout goodbyes flashbacks augh) ...... banjou ryuga you are the character ever

and the girls too im glad theyre getting some nice screentime rn, even w the misora angst happening :( sawa is literally carrying the team rn though how does she know so much stuff about everything. what a legend (also making me suspicious of her again but they wouldnt do that a second time right haha..... Right.) (also speaking of the girls omg kasumi mention!!! yeah kinda super fucked up she died just for this whole plan huh. banjou needs to get a proper revenge for that one of these eps i feel like)

and oooo ty for the loredrop on the connected movies and kr shows its rlly interesting to see how they tie in to build or compare to it 👀 (not the misogyny part tho good lord if build is the tamer one in that regard then i dont wanna imagine what level the other shows are at 😭) but yeah i think ill keep the two movies u mentioned for after im done watching the show since as u can see its already A Struggle for me keeping a consistent watching pace just for the main eps + i rlly wanna know the plot twists asap now that im essentially watching blind again w that spoiler being shown already, but they both sound fun from how u described them so hopefully i can get to them soon akjfkdsjf i just need to stay on track (might have to binge the whole thing before the cm anime drops too bc i know thats gonna get me distracted Again)

also i had no idea toyota sensei made fanart for build (ive seen her post art for a bunch of other stuff akdfjkds shes just like us a little bit huh) i still havent met mr parasocial guy so dunno abt him yet but the ryusen wagh.... Akasos Power Literally...... i think its sweet she keeps up w the other works of the cm jdrama actors like . even now i think?? shes so nice 🥺

ur on ep40 already (or probably even further/finished now since u sent these im gonna assume)????? i hope u still enjoyed those eps despite the plot writing/actors stuff man that sounds rough for the crew :( oh and if u finished the whole thing then lmk how u found the ending id love to hear ur thoughts/reviews agkdjgkd im excited to get to the next few eps myself now so maybe in the next asks ill have a lot more livereacting to report back to u 👁👁

[pazodetrasalba]

Business *and* Pleasure (& 2)

Dear Caroline:

I continue with the last part of your previous post. I have never heard of Amy Snow, and I seldom tend to buy books at airports (usually, I always travel with at least one or two of mine for the flights), but some years ago, I did get into the custom of buying a Terry Pratchett Discworld novel every time I had to pass through Stansted. I suspect they would be my personal equivalent to your Amy Snow. As for Pratchett, I'd say:

Good points:

set in a detailed, silly and nerdy fantasy world, which parodies a lot of genre conventions in general and academics in particular

small chapters without headings, almost all of which end in a mini-cliffhanger

witty and funny dialogue and some main event/mystery the whole book is building up to.

Bad points:

characters are pretty one-dimensional too, especially in the early novels

they feel distinctly bestsellery: even though they frequently try to touch serious topics in a reflective and not sermonizing manner, the takes feels a bit superficial. You know you're reading a book whose main purpose is just entertaining.

Your last paragraph is very apposite, as I think there's a bit of Paradise Lost in the type of material we could read and enjoy when we were young and naïve, but which now is a lesser source of pleasure. If you are used to reading round, well-developed characters that change, you will always feel a tad bored at the one-dimensional ones. And while you might be carried away by the sheer pleasure of world-immersion and following the plot to its denouement, there's always an inner voice nagging and negging you that what you are reading is beneath your intellect and expectations, even if it just meant to entertain.

Quote:

When Terry Pratchett was awarded his knighthood in the 2005 New Years Honours list, the official justification was for “services to literature.”  The newly knighted Sir Terry himself commented that “I suspect the ‘services to literature’ consisted of refraining from trying to write any”.

[jackoshadows]

Why do you think there’s such a strong fixation on Jonsa? I watched the whole series and didn’t see it. I just finished A Game of Thrones and didn’t see it. I’m a big supporter of Jonerys (although I don’t think Kit and Emilia had very good on-screen chemistry but that was partially due to a bad script) but I’m very curious about the mindset going on with people who enjoy other Jon pairings. I can at least see where people are coming from with Jonrya even if I’ll never be able to see them as anything but siblings. They’re very close and think of each other often but at least in book one, Jon and Sansa’s relationship is non-existent. I guess Jon and Dany’s is even more non-existent, but the show at least planted a seed of what could be, and the same cannot be said of Jonsa

I think you are the nonnie who send me the Dany ask and I always hesitate to answer these (rather sensible and intelligent) asks because you have not finished reading the books and I hate to spoil the story for you 😂!

Have you read Pride and Prejudice? The equivalent of the Jonsa ship would be like shipping Darcy and Jane because one likes Jane Bennet and then argue that Darcy actually falls for sweet, gentle Jane and not Elizabeth and that Darcy/Jane is canonical. And if we disagree with this it’s because we are sexist Jane haters because Jane’s a girly girl. Absurd right? That’s pretty much the absurdity of Jonsa for book readers.

So why is Jonsa so popular? Briefly, Jonsa is the result of Sansa stans not liking the canon suitors the author has given the character in the books for various reasons. They want Arya's canonical relationship with Jon possibly turning into a romance for their favorite character Sansa or they want Jon and Sansa falling in love instead of any future romance between Jon and Dany. Which is why 80% of their blogs is devoted to tearing down Dany and Arya and involves an unrecognizable mess of a character they call Jon Snow.

Sansa is also the typical beautiful girl who is into romance and songs and fashion and knights, feasts and tourneys - that’s why she gets shipped with everyone. I think she’s the most shipped character in this fandom. And that’s always been a thing since this series started in the nineties. SanSan or Sansa/Sandor Clegane (The Hound) was one of the most popular ships of the series and GRRM has even commented on it.

[As an aside the funny thing is that GRRM is trying to subvert tropes and also write romance for the non conventional girls like Brienne and Dany and Arya (Lyanna is the equivalent of Helen of Troy and Arya is a mini Lyanna) and still this fandom disparages girls like Arya as being ‘male-coded’, ugly and undesirable.]

With the show, they totally ignored SanSan (Which makes sense considering Rory McCann was like 40 or something on the show and Turner is so young - the show cannot go where the books do in terms of these relationships) and instead gave Sansa the story of another tertiary character in the North. Combining characters meant that she got dumped into Jon Snow’s plot and now all of a sudden we have these two good looking actors Sophie Turner and Kit Harington sharing scenes and Jonsa is born (Despite their characters fighting and arguing in 90% of their scenes, and Sansa lying and betraying Jon).

Benioff and Weiss’ Sansa fanfiction meant that Sansa now gets all of Arya’s story beats and narrative themes on the show. And instead of treating it like a crack ship/AU fanfiction, they try to shove this ship into the books and attack anyone who tries to point out how absurd this ship is. And despite GRRM insisting that his story is different and going in different directions, they think that the garbage writing of the show is going to happen in the books

I would also like to point out that, from my experience in fandom, most Jon Snow fans don’t ship Jonsa. And I am talking about fans who genuinely like book Jon Snow. Not the one’s who claim to be a Jon fan and their blog is 90% about Sansa.These two characters have nothing to do with each other in the books!

Jonsa is a Sansa ship for and by Sansa stans. Jon is simply a prop there for Sansa to become QITN, get a direwolf Ghost, get her disney princess happy ending with ten babies. Their version of Jon Snow has nothing in common with the book character.

To refer back to my original P&P comparison, to make Darcy fall in love with Jane one would have to change Darcy’s entire personality.  If Darcy falls for Jane’s beauty and gentle nature instead of Elizabeth’s wit and intelligence, then that’s no longer Pride and Prejudice is it? That’s an AU version of Pride and Prejudice. Or fanfiction based on Pride and Prejudice.

A Darcy who falls in love with Jane Bennet is not the Darcy in the story Austen is writing. In the same way a Jon Snow who falls in love with Sansa Stark is not the Jon Snow in the story George R R Martin  is telling.  

For Jonsa shippers their Jon Snow will be repulsed by Arya Stark and does not care for her, only helps out his friends because they are stand ins for Sansa, is shallow and self-loathing because he thinks he’s not good enough for beautiful Sansa who ignored him because he’s a bastard and craves for the approval of the woman who abused him, Catelyn Stark.

In fact, the Jonsa fandom came up with one of the worst, most nonsensical iterations of Jon Snow I have ever seen in all my years in this fandom. Let me introduce you to the horror that is Political!Jon. You can google it.

Political!Jon is Littlefinger 2.0, a sociopath who will pretend to love Daenerys to get her dragons, deceive her and then kill her, all his true love Sansa Stark can become QITN. And oh, because he does not want his true love to take care of any undesirable bastards, political!Jon will also give Dany some moon tea to abort her baby - that’s abortion!Jon. And Jonsa shippers think that Jon Snow seducing a rape victim, stealing her children (the dragons), aborting her baby and then killing her for Sansa is all so romantic!!

And if not Jon Snow, then it will be Arya who will kill Dany. That’s the whole point of the sword Jon gave Arya - it’s not about their bond and their love and being symbolic of home and identity for Arya. No, Needle is so that Arya can kill Dany and Jon and Sansa can get together! Arya will then turn into a Jonsa cheerleader and fuck off into nowhere on a ship.

I have always compared the Jonsa shippers to the flat earthers of this fandom. Some of the most ridiculous and absurd theories have come out of that side of the fandom and debating with them is like debating with a wall. One can smush all the book text and quotes in their face and they will still be there talking about how Jon Snow loves Sansa because some snow fell on her face in one of the chapters....

[likeastarstar]

9:19 PM - Jin

(A/N- part of my ITS series! hehehehehe I know I write chaotic love/hate drabbles for jin a lot but i JUST LOVE THE BANTER AND THE TENSION!)

You fucking hated nature.

It was annoying- the bugs, the lack of cell service, the lack of restaurants around.

It just sucked.

Which is why when your best friend, Namjoon, asked if you wanted to spend the weekend away with him and his bandmates, you originally said no. But then your mom called and said she was thinking about visiting you and then suddenly you were little miss camper. You were freaked out by the idea of spending three whole days in the forest until you realized that what Namjoon meant by camping was staying in a mini mansion plotted in the middle of the most beautiful land you had ever seen. It was extravagant enough to make your eyes roll, if you weren't so busy fighting Jungkook over which bedroom you got to sleep in.

You figured you could hide in the house the entire weekend and avoid the entirety of nature surrounding you but here you were- standing in the middle of it, sweaty and squinting under a bright sun. Taehyung had called everyone outside for a game of basketball. You had lost a rapid fire round of cham cham cham, resulting in your team consisting of Jimin, Hoseok, you, and Him.

Him- with his loud laughter and his stupid, neverending jokes. Him- who was about as perceptive as a dog and just as annoying. Him- Kim Seokjin. He annoyed you to no end, especially because he was so fucking nice all the time. Would it kill him to smile less? Seriously what did anyone have to smile-

You couldn't even remember when it was that you decided you and Jin were enemies- maybe it was when he saw you trip up the stairs that one time. He hadn't said anything to anyone else about it, he didn't even make fun of you for it, but it was embarrassing and he had to be punished for witnessing such a travesty. Ever since then you made him your biggest rival in life- although now that you thought about it, it felt stupid.

Now that you thought about it, your reasoning didn't make much sense. Were you crazy for hating him for such a stupid reason? Was it you? Were you the problem?

See- this is why you hated nature, it made you think about things in weird ways and upended your entire life. First, your archenemy wasn't actually a bad guy. What's next? Would you change your mind about hating bananas too? You shuddered at the thought, rejecting any type of self growth if it came at the hands of being in nature.

"This is arguably the worst team in existence, can we just give up now?" Jin whined, wanting to get out of the heat.

You laughed before you could stop yourself, agreeing with him for once. Why the hell were you laughing? He didn't even say anything funny...

Jin smirked when he heard your laugh, staring at the ground shyly for a moment before shaking it off, refocusing on the game. You stared at him openly, taking note of the slight tinge of pink on his cheeks.

Was he blushing or was it just the heat? Did you do that? You felt a weird emotion bubbling up in your stomach, surfacing before you could squish it down with sheer hatred. You frowned, feeling your own cheeks heat up despite your own efforts to quell your mind turning on you and your hatred of your arch nemesis.

"No way," Hoseok bit back, thankfully pulling you out of the spiral you were trapped in. You forced yourself to look towards him where he was jumping in place like he was suddenly electrified by the excitement of it all. "You're just a baby when it comes to heat."

Jimin and Hobi huddled together to come up with a strategic plan for your sad excuse for a team, trying desperately to avoid the penalty of doing the dishes if you lost. You drifted towards Jin for some reason, feeling the need to say something- anything to him. If not to apologize for silently harboring a secret vendetta against him, then to suss out whether or not he was really as bad as your mind had made him out to be.

"It's hot out, you're wearing black." You reasoned, gesturing towards Jin's broad shoulders clothed in a soft looking shirt, "Black attracts the sun more, you should change to be more comfortable."

"Well, is it working? Are you attracted?" He replied, rolling his shoulders in a way that made your mouth water involuntarily.

He said it quietly and without looking at you, staring instead at the ground still. You froze, looking at him with a blank expression. Was he...flirting?

"Wait- I'm the sun?" You asked blankly, tilting your head to one side.

"That's quite conceited of you, don't you think?" Jimin quipped, suddenly appearing behind you. You yelped in surprise, shrinking away from a now cackling Jimin who was pushing you towards the others, ready to start the game. Jin laughed and moved on, seemingly forgetting about the entire incident until the later that day after you guys lost- predictably, resulting in your team being forced to cook dinner for the night except Hoseok didn't cook and Jimin was taking a nap so that just left- Him.

Him- with his sneaky little flirty comments that had you confused and desperately wanting clarity. Did he have a crush on you? Not that you had one on him- no way. No way. No way...

You stopped your internal monologue- red flashes and loud sirens of pain going off in your brain. You stared down at your hand, spasming in pain just from trying to curl into an angry little fist unconsciously. You straightened out your hand, cursing under your breath.

"What's wrong with your hand?"

You spun around like a cat that had been caught with its paw on something that didn't belong to them, wide eyes. Jin stared at you with narrowed eyes, arms full of various vegetables. You frowned, looking around at the kitchen. When had he walked in here? How had he set water to boil, gather ingredients, and set up a full mise en place with you fully zoned out? Had you really been standing here in silence, ranting about him this entire time?

"What?" You snapped, glaring at Jin. "Nothings wrong with my hand."

Jin let out an exasperated huff of air before rolling his eyes, placing everything in his arms on the countertops. He snaked out a hand to grab yours, quick as lightning. Jin flexed his fingers around yours, twisting your hand sharply. You yelped, snatching your hand back out of his hold and cradled it against your chest.

"What's wrong with you?" You cried, trying to stop the throbbing pain in your thumb. You had bent it at a weird angle while playing basketball and it had been swollen ever since, a dull pain radiating whenever you moved it. You figured it was fine, that no one would notice if you just played it off.

"You haven't used your left hand this entire time and you're pretending it's normal. You look like an idiot." He quipped, taking your hand again, much more gently this time. He pulled you towards the dining table and pushed your shoulders down until you were seated.

You said nothing, watching him float around the kitchen instead, pulling an ice pack out of the freezer and carefully wrapping it in a tea towel. He took out a first aid kit from a random cabinet before sitting at the barstool next to you, holding his hand out for yours.

"How do you know where everything is already?" You wondered aloud.

"I stayed up last night memorizing the layout in here in case of an emergency- like a fire, or a zombie apocalypse," He said in a flat tone.

He didn't bother to look up at you to see your reaction, full brows furrowed and gaze completely set on inspecting your hand instead, "Really?" You grumbled, fully weirded out.

"No, of course not. You should take better care of yourself," He reprimanded. "You're so stubborn- what's the point of trying to ignore the fact that you're in pain?"

"It's embarrassing how uncoordinated I am," You admitted, wanting to shrink into a hole and die.

"You and your ego- that's just typical of you," Jin sighed, "This is like that time that you tripped and spent the rest of the week being mean to me."

"It's just a hand." You grumbled. "And I wasn't that mean."

"It's your left hand. What happens if you hurt it badly? Men don't want to put a ring on a stump for a hand."

"That's pretty rude, isn't it? You're saying no man could ever love me if I was handicapped?" You quipped. "My sparkling personality isn't enough?"

"No, I'm just saying other men wouldn't want to." He corrected, staying quiet for a moment. Jin held up pain relieving gel with a questioning glance, prompting you to show him where your hand hurt. He put a paste on your hand where you gestured to, wrapping it with a bandage securely afterward to hold the finger in place. "I wouldn't have a problem putting a ring on your stumpy hand. Even if you are mean and grumpy and you have a huge ego."

You froze, staring at Jin with what must've been a dumb look on your face. You felt his hand trace your ring finger idly, feather light and gentle.

"But stop hurting yourself and be more careful so I don't have to," He snapped, straightening his back out. "Not everyone's as nice as me."

You stared at him with a blank face, mind unraveling for a moment. Were you just desperate or was Jin suddenly wildly attractive? He looked around awkwardly, uncomfortable under your blatant stares. You narrowed your eyes at him, lifting you injured hand slowly before slamming it into the table dramatically. You tried to hide the pain, biting down on your lip instead.

"Yah!" He yelled, grabbing your arm again, "Are you crazy?"

Maybe a little- but at least this would better the chances of you having a stump for a hand. Maybe you did have a crush on him.

masterlist.

[midnightswithdearkatytspb]

VelvetCardiganBucky’s Recommendations 2021: Week 8 | February 14th –February 20th

Welcome to week 8 of my recommendations, if you would like to be featured on a future list, I follow the hashtag #ktkvcbreadinglist, message me, tag me in your future works, or reblog this post and link to your story, one-shot, Masterlist, writing challenge, etc.

Be aware some if not most stories and writers on this list are meant to be consumed by an audience of those 18+. My blog is also an 18+ blog.

« Last Week

Week 9 »

My Masterlist

My Fic Rec List of Mafia/Mob Bucky/Sebastian & Steve/Chris/Andy

Stuff I Posted This Week:

Dr. Darcy Lewis Playlist — Dr. Lewis – Astrophysics, Hacker, Music and Dog Lover, Nerd, and Hero

Bucky Barnes

(Mini) Series:

Man of the House 🐈 Pt. 3 by @literate-lamb » Sam Wilson x Fem!Reader & Dark!Bucky Barnes x Fem!Reader — A racket in the attic leads to a discovery of old memories. Your dissatisfaction leads you to a forgettable night. | First of all, my bad on not seeing that this had been updated, I’m so bummed I didn’t see this sooner. Second of all, this sent chills all over my body. The smut in this was so good and so it was just the right amount of thrilling/scary. I can’t wait to see what happens next!

Run To You Ch.3 🪙 Ch. 4 🪙 Ch. 5 🪙 Ch. 6 by @bestofbucky » Mob!Bucky Barnes x Reader — Mob boss Bucky Barnes hires you to be his bodyguard. | Everytime I see this story updated I get excited, and I also love how the reader is not a damsel. (Feb 18. Ch. 6) Oh my gosh that was intense but so good, thank you for making me laugh at the end. I felt like it was just what we needed! I can’t wait to see how things go!

Watch Out For The Quiet Ones by @eurynome827 » College AU Jock!Bucky x Reader — Bucky doesn’t keep it a secret that he slept with you, but he tells everyone you had a great night, that’s a lie, you faked it. Upset you tell the truth, he’s dead set on making things right with you. | This was straight to the point hot. It was almost like you could have read it in a coming of age book or seen it in a movie, with our the detailed smut scene having been in it. I would read it just for the smut alone but read it for the plot in a whole.

Watch Out For The Quiet Ones: 2 by @eurynome827 » Collece AU Sub/Jock!Bucky Barnes x Reader — A continuation from part one, but this time Bucky is back to make up for neglecting what could be the jealous reader and she has a creative way for him to do that. | I’m not usually into reading stories where Bucky is a Sub unless it’s Stucky x Reader, but this was just so good.

One-Shots:

Birthday Briefing by @drabblewithfrannybarnes » Bucky Barnes x Reader » You want your birthday gifts and you want it now. It just happens to benefit Bucky. | Carly did so good and I really loved it.

Gods and Monsters by @sweeterthanthis » Winter Soldier!Bucky Barnes x Reader — After being kidnapped you wake strapped to a table, next thing you know you’re just an offering for the “masterpiece,” to be bred. | This one shot made me sad but in a good way if that makes sense. You want to comfort Bucky so badly while beating up every Hydra agent while at it. Thank you Lau for the beautiful piece!

The Setup by @justagirlinafandomworld » FireFighter!Bucky Barnes x Reader — Still heartbroken from your last relationship, romance and relationships are far off from your radar. But your friend has taken it upon herself to set you up on a surprise blind date. God only knows where it can go from there. | I had Sebastian from The Little Mermaid singing Kiss The Girl in my head by the end of reading this. I absolutely adored this fluffy piece of writing and would definitely recommend it to anyone who is just in need of something sweet.

Alpinee Has Logged Off by @iraot » Bucky Barnes x Reader — Bucky had been neglecting his girlfriend lately and playing video games with his pals, he needs to make it up to her. | Pure smut, really good smut.

Lost Without You by @angrythingstarlight » Mafia!Bucky Barnes x Reader — Bucky Barnes would be lost with you. You’re his everything and he plans on spending Valentine’s Day proving it to you. | It’s so fluffy, that I’m not crying, you are!

All Dressed In White by @angrythingstarlight » Dark!Mafia Bucky Barnes x Reader — You were going to marry someone else, Bucky won’t let that happen. You belong to him now and forever. Till Death Do You Part. | This is so beautifully written, I almost felt as if I was actually watching it on my TV not reading it. It’s Dark and the smut is oh so juicy.

Lee Bodecker

Drabbles:

New Contract by @fuel-joy » Dark!Lee Bodecker x Reader — Reader just wants to get signed to a new agency but Producer Lee Bodecker just doesn’t want to make it easy for you. | This was short and really good! The end was also a surprise.

Chris Evans

Headcanons:

Dodger’s Day Out by @nony-bear » Chris Evans x Reader ft. Dodger Evans — You and Chris take Dodger to the dog park on a cold winter day. | It’s so fluffy and it has Dodger in it! What more could you ask for?

Steve Rogers

(Mini) Series:

The Riverter by @pagesoflauren » Steve Rogers x Reader — After escaping Hydra, you assist Dr. Erskine in helping Steve Rogers become Captain America. When Erskine is assassinated, you think your WWII career is over. Unfortunately, the SSR and Hydra are not done with you yet. | I really should have gone to bed, but instead I decided to binge read the four chapters and I can’t wait to find out just what Hydra is really up to. Lauren you really are an amazing writer!

One-Shots:

No Scrubs by @the-iceni-bitch » Steve Rogers x Fem!Reader — You try to keep Steve from dying of boredom at an Avengers charity gala. | Reader is badass? Check. Funny Thor? Check. Really good smut that you wish didn’t end? Check and check.

Andy Barber

One-Shots:

Just for Mrs Barber by @donutloverxo » Andy Barber x Reader — Your husband buys you kinky gifts (and a whole ass house) for your anniversary/valentines. | Fluffy and smutty just the way I like it. Thank you for the Valentine’s Day treat Berry! 💗

Stucky

(Mini) Series:

Caged, Bruised and Broken Ch. 3 by @river-soul » Dark!Stucky x Reader — A lonely scientist who is currently working on trying to find a breakthrough with Erskine’s serum catches the eye of Steve and Bucky, who are looking for the perfect wife. They’ll make her love them, whether she wants to or not. [Noncon, breeding, violence, psychological distress and explicit sex. 18+ only.] | This chapter had me in tears for some reason, even while the smut was so damn good. I can’t tell you how many emotions I go through while reading this series and it’s only 3 chapters in. READ IT!

One-Shots:

Sweet as Honey and Wine by @angrythingstarlight » Dark!Steve Rogers x Reader x Dark!Bucky Barnes — You’re the sweetest valentine anyone could ever ask for. Steve can’t wait to gift you to Bucky. His best pal deserves a treat. | Let me just say, what you think is going to happen doesn’t happen. I don’t want to confuse you too much but this is just too good not to read. The smut was also short and sweet!

Divided We Fall by @navybrat817 » Dark!Steve Rogers x Reader x Dark!Bucky Barnes — You sided with Steve Rogers during The Accords and sympathized with Bucky Barnes. When you found out they left Tony for dead in Siberia, you realize you didn’t know the super soldiers as well as you thought. And you had no idea that they planned to keep you by their side…forever. | All I’m just going to say is that very ending you don’t see coming and the smut in this is very good.

Little Minx by @saiyanprincessswanie » Dark!Steve Rogers x Reader x Darkish!Bucky Barnes — Dark!Steve drugs the reader with sex pollen and has his way with her multiple times. Bucky finds out what Steve is doing and tries to convince him that it is wrong. But, once Steve shows Bucky how good the reader is during drugged sex he can’t help but have his way with her too. | I would have to say very hot, and definitely a good way to end the day.

Thick As Thieves by @angrythingstarlight » Mafia!Bucky Barnes x Reader x Mafia!Steve Rogers — The only thing the Mafia hates as much as snitches are thieves. And you’re planning on stealing from Bucky and Steve, what happens if you get caught? | I did not see that coming, also the smut was just so good. *chefs kiss* (I can’t link this so..)

Misc.

One-Shots:

Loyalty by @navybrat817 » Dark!Andy Barber x Reader x Darkish!Bucky Barnes — Loyalty is something you’ve learned to both loathe and appreciate. | I really appreciate it when I’m reading something and it gives me chills and this did it. The smut is good but the connection between reader and Bucky makes this so good. I’m hoping for maybe a second part, if there isn’t, that’s okay.

[kuekyuuq]

Gloria, Jet-lags and Imps [6x11]

Let’s jump right in:

Kinda love how Kara lamp-shaded addressed the fact she didn't tell the gang about her adventures in the PZ. She’s not wrong, tho.

...what do I want to say about Mxy using what's basically a well-known gay-anthem to tell his tale? I mean, it didn’t lead anywhere. The original song is about freeing oneself, liberation, stepping out of a (gone bad) relationship and moving on, stronger for it - empowerment. The only connection I could make, is that originally it was Nyxly’s aim to just do that (freeing herself and her kind from an oppressor), but in the way Mxy performed it, that part of the parallel was long over before he even reached the chorus. It’s also a popular Karaoke song, tho, so... he chose it because it’s catchy? I’ll try not to overthink it for now. At least, the Superfriend’s reactions were fun.

Nia exiting the elevator, "And what's this Old Stone?" I love it when ppl enter a room / situation and pick up on words that they couldn't have possibly heard. I think cinema sins ding such... Are we to assume, she dreamed Mxy's rendition of ‘I will survive’? Or is the elevator not sound-proof at all? (If it’s the latter, Nia later apparently telling Brainy “in private” between scenes / during the elevator ride about her Nyxly adventures, was a silly thing to do.)

So, "Jared" created the ring Old Stone to rule them all, it got shattered into the Paragons totems? Nyxly needs the totems and to get them she needs a crystal which also belonged to "Jared" - who happens to be Mxy's ancestor, which is why she needs Mxy / his blood, too.

I have one important and incredibly relevant question here, tho... 

With the introduced imps and their names... Why’s dude named Jared of all things?!

Really, did I mishear that? If so, I’ll leave it as is and never edit, bc that would be hilarious in its own right 😋

...

Not sure what to make about Supergirl paraphrasing a Dirty Dancing quote.  "Nobody puts Mxy into a power crystal on my watch."  ...is he Baby now? (Seriously, though: Which of the writers thought that was a fitting quote to use in that particular context?)

...now, is the exposition section of the episode over yet?

Sensitive Brainy sensed something was up with Nia. He can relate... Nia doubting Kara would understand, too, is ridiculous. But I get it... insecurities and all. But, I mean, just 5 minutes later Kara announces she wants to save Nyxly despite her wrongdoings. And yet Nia still remains convinced, Kara wouldn’t forgive her own personal mini-me... After having witnessed Kara forgiving Lena for a whole season of the writers being stupid messing up to the nth degree. But I digress, Lena’s Lena.

...how old is Nia meant to be again? Just asking out of completely unrelated curiosity.

F*ck. They really went with NewFoundland...

Imma assume it was an executive choice after realizing they couldn’t find enough actors and actresses with a convincing Irish accent... maybe. Again, no offense to Newfoundland! Just... we got the insinuations of Ireland, not Newfoundland... And truthfully, when I think of magic, Ireland is an easy association. Whereas I only due to this whole debacle learned Newfoundland has Irish ancestry. So, okay, the show forced me to learn something new... I give ‘em that.

An easy journey, she said.

Lena's been off-screen for two whole episodes, Kara announcing at the beginning of ‘Dreamweaver’ [6x09] Lena being “back east” (at least insinuating Lena’s left the west-coast already), which span over at least one full day (feat. a scene at night), and ‘I still rise’ [6x10] at least another a whole day (the whole Nia’s mom back for a day deal). And, now, after at least 48 hours she barely just arrived.

Lemme check how long a regular plane would need to fly from California to NFL......... ... .. .. So... approx. 10 hours with at least one layover. 

Yeah, using a private jet made it easier, but apparently also much, much slower...

Or, Lena randomly went some other places / did some sight-seeing in NFL before she decided to finally visit her mother’s hometown...  [Either that or the timelines don’t match up and Lena’s scenes are flashbacks of sorts.]

Optimistic and relaxed Lena is a sight to behold. I rewound 3 times, just to enjoy it for as long as possible. We all knew it was going to be short-lived... 

Let’s check off a few more items...

OMG, Kara hiding behind Alex at the mere sight of the PZ-projector broke my heart!  😢

"Elisabeth Walsh" is the new 'the one you shall not name'. ...poor Lena. 😭

Oh, so Mxy wants to be Patrick Swayze instead of Baby... gotcha.

...is this going anywhere?

KITTY!!! Okay, this must be the best opponent in the history of CWSG. 

Despite the horrible CGI, SG using her heat-vision to project a laser-beam to distract the cat had me in (happy-) tears! 🤣

Gotta love the civilians of National City quickly returning to business as usual once the giant cat is gone. Even the police officers looked rather chill...

Nyxly did look fabulous this episode ^^ 

Andrea being Lena's rock is both great and annoying. I can't fault Andrea. It's just, that we still have to see an on-screen interaction between Lena and Kara and that bugs the heck out of me. I can’t help it. I’m sorry, Andrea.

Nia: "...is my fault." Kara: "Nu, is MY fault!" J'onn: "Stop fighting, kids!" Space-dad has spoken.

Mxy used an LuthorCorp copy machine... and of cos it's faulty. It's not an L-Corp product.

Kara forgiving Nia came as a surprise to her... Oooookay. I mean, the show has been writing Kara a bit inconsistently the past two seasons... so, yeah, maybe being unsure which of her traits apply this week was not such a far stretch...

Maybe it's the hair, but I wished, Florence was played by Alex Kingston.

So, not-Alex-Kingston shows Lena herself with a funny wig and tells her how her mother was still watching her...

If it wasn't for Katie's acting skills (I love her.) I would have already hit my head against the wall repeatedly. Something about these scenes had me constantly cringe and I made it through 5.5 seasons of this show already... Can’t quite put my finger on it, but it was highly distracting from the story that explained Lena’s mom was special even to another witch, where there was domestic abuse, and an accidental murder. Y’know, important stuff, deep-cutting stuff! 

At least, poor widddle Lena got some closure there. Elisabeth was a good cookie. And filled with magic. And Lena’s gotta have that ‘spark’, too... 

....so... Lena’s gonna stay in NFL for how much longer, to train becoming a witch?  Please, just hand her a how-to manual and send her back home, to figure it out on her own, please... (Yes, that would be horrible decision-making, but I need her back with the team!)

On to the finish line: 

So... Mxy IS Nyxly's brother? Wait, that doesn’t sound right... then Nyxly would have the same blood... Did I miss something? Can someone explain, please? Or is he her ex, and that’s where his rendition of “I will survive” makes sense?

Hnn... I can't help, but think Kara's speech for Nyxly was 85% based on her experiences with Lena in s05.

Awww... he said "stronger together"... Mxy... I hope, you'll be okay!

Lena believes in magic now. And I absolutely love how Lena wants to science magic XD

...but apparently magic isn’t science that hasn’t been explained yet, but parallel... powers? concepts? ether strings?

Nyxly has a loyal henchman now. Which was a bit heavy-handed. Took way too much of screen-time, so it better leads to something interesting.

And Kara is on a warpath now. Wooooot! Girl’s got enough.

...what else? 

Did I miss a third Patrick Swayze hint / quote / mention?  I learned, these things come in threes... Y’know, basic writing rules... 

I guess, for once the episode title was meant to be taken literally, Mxy popping up between characters, to try and help. (I need in-show footage, of Mxy sneaking up on ppl, without his powers, on all fours / crouched, just to get the desired effect.) I mean, I’ve never really watched Malcom, but wasn’t he like what Mxy usually is? A bit of a trouble-maker, prankster, chaos-ensuing wherever he goes? ...well, in that case, the episode title didn’t hold up, as Mxy’s scenes were not fun or really goofy. Yes, there was some superficial humor, but just to serve Mxy dealing with not being able to use his powers, which in turn was only barely scratched at (although it turned out to be his final character development crisis, appreciating not having powers and - in turn - facing consequences for once). Again, a whole lot going on in the episode, so a lot of that may have ended up on the cutting-room floor.

...where’s Kelly? Secretly adopting a kid, maybe?

...Kara’s still a reporter, right? I mean, whenever it serves the immediate plot, yes? ...Not even a throw-away line, that she has to pop up at CatCo for appearances sake? Since Andrea is already upset with her AND looking into her friends’ identities? At least, Kara should take a peek to make sure Andrea hasn’t uncovered anything yet... No?

Well, that’s all I’ve got for now. Kue out.

[jstlikemagic]

It’s An Everything Thing. - Jeff Wittek Smut

Title: It’s An Everything Thing.

Pairing: Jeff Wittek/Reader

Rating: R (NSFW/Swearing) | Doggystyle, missionary, oral sex, protected sex.

TW: Hints at a small sexual assault situation but doesn’t surround the plot if that makes sense.

Summary: Y/N and Jeff don’t like each other... oh wait.

A/N: So, this contains smut and angst which is exciting! Please reblog and/or like if you enjoyed this! 

Looking around the party, you lost sight of your friend David. He invited you out to his party at his house. Which meant Jeff was going to be there. You and Jeff hadn’t talked since the fight you two had a few months ago that ended up in you two blocking each other on all social media and avoiding each other at all costs. Knowing he was going to be there made you so anxious but also ready to get fucked up.

Walking around, you started to look for the open bar. Your eyes lit up like a Christmas tree when you spotted it with it’s beautiful Grey Goose bottles and a 750 of Fireball sitting on the bar cart. Stumbling upon the bar cart, you made yourself a mixed drink and walked away to find some place to chill and sit for a while. As soon as you turned into the living room, there was just crowded space and nowhere to breathe. As you tried to navigate your way through the living room someone had accidentally tripped you while they were dancing. All of the sudden, your drink spilled on you as you fell on top of a stranger on the couch.

“You fainted straight into my arms. You know, if you wanted my attention you didn’t have to go to such extremes,” Jeff scoffed. Looking up at him and realizing who it was, you quickly stood up.

“Piss off,” you spatted back. You walked away in a hurry to the bathroom, hoping no one would notice that you spilled your drink and it was completely soaking your clothes. Making it to the bathroom, you placed both hands on the side of the sink, looked in the mirror, and sighed deeply. You weren’t sure if you were mad at the person who tripped you, the fact that the drink you had was all over you, or the person you fell on was Jeff. 

“Ya know, I can get you a tide stick or something or I can give you a change of clothes or I can let you go home naked,” Jeff offered while peeking into the bathroom while winking at you.

“Nope, I’m fine. Goodbye,” you tried to shut the door but he stuck his body through the opening, enabling him to slide through.

“Are you really fine though? It looks like ya pissed your dress!” he laughed. You sat down on the toilet lid and put your head in your hands. You started to cry due to the anxiety and frustration of his presence. “Oh no, Y/N. I didn’t mean to make you-”

“Jeff, go fuck yourself. You’re a fucking dick and I’m not sure why. Even in my times of need, you still manage to make me miserable. Now, can you please leave me the fuck alone,” you screamed at him through tears. This was it. This was the breaking point. You were done with his egotistical, obnoxious, and annoying personality. He was just too much, especially right now.

“I like to joke around with you. I know you don’t think it’s funny but I always used humor and shit to hide that I was into you. At least twice a week, I watched guys hit on you, my friends ogled over you. I just need you. I know you’ve heard me say it before but I mean it,” he confessed. You just stood there in shock. 

“Funny way of showing you’re into someone, huh?,” you pushed past him and walked out the bathroom while wiping your tears. And there was your answer.

[A week later…]

Scotty was performing at the House of Blues and he invited you to come as a guest and celebrate with the Vlog Squad. Your mindset coming to the concert was that you were just gonna ignore Jeff so it seems like nothing's changed. The other guys had no idea what went down at the party because you told them you had to leave for “girl stuff.” That was enough for them to not question anything. Still, it was irritating to even think about spending at least four hours in a dressing room with a man who had the nerve to make fun of you and then cover it up with some bullshit.

“Y/N, can you hand me another water please,” Scott asked sweetly. Responding with just a smile, you walked to the mini fridge and gave him his water. What you didn’t see though because your back was turned, was that Scott eyed you the whole time. From the point of you swaying your hips as you walked over to the fridge and all the way to you bending down to grab the water. He licked his lips at the sight of you but specifically your ass. Sitting on the other side of the room was Jeff who eyed Scott. There was rage building up in Jeff. Even though you weren’t his anything, he still had this duty in the back of his head to be yours. “Thank you, babe,” Scott said as you handed him his water.

“No problem, Scott. Anything for you,” you dautingly said while shooting a glare towards Jeff’s direction. “Actually, I have a request. Can I have aux, guys? I have a song I really wanna dance to!”

“Sure, take it over!” Todd yelled from the bathroom. Why he was still controlling the music while taking a shit was beyond you but it was whatever. Connecting to the bluetooth of the speaker, you furiously scrolled through your playlists. You came across the “i like to drink and turn up” playlist and found the perfect song to fuck with Jeff. If he actually meant what he said to you a week ago, this might be the perfect revenge. You weren’t normally about the whole revenge thing but Jeff basically made you feel awful about yourself so why the fuck not.

Pressing play, everyone recognized the first few seconds of the song. It was “Or Nah” by Ty Dolla $ign, a very sensual and raunchy song but still loved very much by all of those in the room. With your red solo cup in your hand, you stepped up on the coffee table set up in the middle of the dressing room with your back facing Jeff. Making sure to flaunt your back side, you hiked up your shorts just a little bit so your ass was hanging out just a tad bit but enough to make Jeff go wild. Swaying your hips and dropping low every few seconds, it looked like you were dancing to “Come Get Her” by Rae Sremmurd instead. You knew you got the reaction from Jeff because he just looked up at you in awe, he looked like he wanted to jump your bones.

“Jeff, are you okay?” you heard David scream over the music. You turned around to see Jeff’s knuckles completely white from gripping his cup so hard. He had a straight edge face which brought out his perfectly sculpted jawline. Pausing the music, you just stared at him and he stared at you back.

“No, I’m not fucking okay. Y/N is a fucking bitch and I can’t stand her right now. God damn it,” he raised his voice. In one swift moment, he got up and walked out the door with it slamming right behind him. 

As he walked out the door, all you saw was Todd walk out of the bathroom while saying “Is there something I missed? Why do we look genuinely confused and spaceshot?” Nodding your head, you got up and decided to look for Jeff. Where would Jeff be? Where would Jeff be?

Turning the corner, you saw a little bit more of a private patio with plants peeking out in the back. You saw the back of his head but he was slumped over with his head burrowed in between his forearms. Debating if you should say anything, you kept your distance and mustered up the courage to say “Hey, um- I’m sorry. I don’t know why you’re upset but-”

“You don’t know why I’m upset?” he interrupted. “Y/N, I fucking told you how I felt about you, it was like you were gloating it in my face that I could see you, I just couldn’t touch you or have you. It’s not even a sexual thing. It’s an everything thing.” You could see how frustrated he was. His eyes were bloodshot and his face was so red. In the back of your head, you hoped he hadn’t been crying. You know that you meant to be malicious and wanted a response but you thought that it would’ve been more of a banter rather than the situation now at hand.

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry that I don’t feel the same way. I’m sorry that I made you upset. But to make things clear, I’m not yours and probably will never be. With that being said, get that through your head. You can fuck any girl you want within reason so it’s best of you to stick with that route,” you pleaded. You never actually thought of what it would be like to be with him whether it be platonic or sexual. You for sure didn’t want your mind to go there. Stubbornly, you didn’t want anything to do with him. He treated you wrong all these years and you weren’t sure of where your future even stood with him now after the dancing escapade. 

The truth was that you were scared. Scared of liking, or loving for that matter, anyone because of the trust issues you developed. Many people in your life had fucked you over and Jeff was already on that list. That is why your walls were up completely when it came to him. Maybe I should give him another chance? No, no. I can’t do that. He’s an asshole, Y/N. He’ll always be one. 

“Y/N, I guess it’s whatever right? I’ll just try to move on. Won’t think about you, won’t speak about you. Y/N, who? I just want to let you know that I may never be able to move on but I still hope maybe one day, you turn around, and at least wanna try being friends,” he spoke with sadness dripping from his voice with every word. 

[A year later...]

Sitting in a lawn chair by a firepit, you were just scrolling on your phone. You were at David’s house party and just felt lost. Feeling out a place and out of loop because you hadn’t seen the Vlog Squad in a year and didn't bother to. After the whole Jeff incident at the House of Blues, you thought it was best to give the guy some space. 

“Y/N! Is that you?” you heard David scream from across the backyard. Watching him run over, you laughed at him almost tripping over a rock. He was alway so fucking clumsy when he was drunk. Iyt only took one drink but boy was he hammered  As he made his way over to where you were sitting, he pulled up a chair right next to you. “How have you been?” he asked. 

Biting your lip, you just looked at him and shrugged. You weren’t fine. Not at all. Ever since the Jeff incident, everything played in your head. Every possibility did. Would you two have been dating by now? Would you two have been civil and friends? You wouldn’t know. You obviously couldn’t tell David any of that either. Hearing someone scream his name from inside the house, he quickly got up, said goodbye, and escaped the awkward moment you two were having.

Realizing you were alone again, you decided to get up and actually assert yourself. As you walked through crowds of people you spotted your best friend, the bar. Getting yourself a beer, you settled on one of the breakfast bar stools that sat right in front of the kitchen island. The kitchen was basically empty since the actual party was outside and in the living room. Taking a swig of the beer, you felt a pair of hands on your shoulders. “Hey sweetheart. Any reason you’re alone tonight?” the stranger asked while rubbing your shoulders. 

Taking another swig, you turned around. You didn’t recognize the guy at all and he wasn’t the least bit attractive. “Yeah, I’m waiting for someone. Thanks though,” you said nervously.

“Well, why don’t I make friends with you while you wait,” he said while placing his hands on the top of your thighs. Not knowing what to say, your mouth was left agape. You hoped that in this moment someone would fucking save you from this creep. Placing your hands on top of his, you tried to remove his hands off of you. But they were glued onto you and he squeezed your thighs. “Baby, I just want to have some fun. Is that too much to ask?” he whispered in your ear. 

Clearly uncomfortable, you just let him start caressing your thighs. As he started kissing your neck, you felt yourself get nervous and wanted to scream. Not wanting to cause a scene, you just remained silent and froze up. As you looked out into the living room to see if anyone would notice, you spotted him. He was wearing a black Carhartt shirt and khakis. He looked like an angel in the crowd of people. Hoping he would catch your attention, you just stared at him with this sad look on your face. 

When he finally caught your gaze, it felt like when you see someone after a breakup. Shocking but also familiar. He furrowed his eyebrows and right after that you mouthed “help me.” Getting up from his spot, he walked over to where you were sitting. “Hey, man. Get the fuck outta here alright. I’m her boyfriend so I’m the only one who should be touching her like that,” he threatened. Throwing his hands up, the guy slowly backed out of the room.

Both of you had no idea what to even say to each other. Do you say “thank you” or “hi” or should you just walk away and pretend that this never happened. Contemplating in your head, you just got out a “Thank you. Like a lot. I appreciate it.”

With his eyes darting over the place, he contemplated what to say. “Y/N, can we please go somewhere private?” he asked while fiddling his long fingers. Nodding to him, he grabbed your hand and led you to the guest bedroom. Sitting on the bed, Jeff pulled up a chair to sit right in front of you, giving that space that the both of you needed. “Now, I’m not gonna sit here and tell you what I’ve told you before. But I wanna ask if you’re willing to even try being frie-”

“I don’t wanna be your fucking friend,” you spatted out. Suddenly, his face dropped to the ground and you could see the sadness forming. “Jeff, I wanna fucking be with you. I wanna be the only girl you have in the world. I wanna be the one who you wake up to, fuck with, sleep with. Everything.” Realizing that the liquid courage overshot this one, you just stared down at the ground and waited for him to say something.

“Alright, so where has this come from? Last year, I’m pretty sure you wanted to kill me. This year it’s ‘Oh Jeff! I wanna be with you.’ Y/N, did you think I was gonna wait forever for you?” he threw back at you. He had a point. You waited a year to figure out maybe there was something there. I mean tonight he struck something within you because of how he was the only one in the crowd of people that actually helped you in that uncomfortable encounter. He seemed to be the only that cared for you at this point.

Looking up at him with tears in your eyes, you just shrugged. “I don’t know what to tell you then. Maybe I actually realized that we could be great together? Maybe love wouldn’t be scary if it was with you? I don’t know,” you muttered. Folding your arms, you fell back on the bed. Grabbing a pillow, you used it to cover your face because you could just feel the sobbing about to start. Feeling his eyes burning through you, you just sighed.

“Well, I know I could cover one of those tasks you want with me,” he said with a smirk on his face. Crawling up to your body, he just smiled at you. Caressing his hair, you pulled his neck closer so your lips met. As corny as this sounds, the kiss was more passionate than you could ever imagine. Wrapping your legs around his waist, his hips lightly ground into yours which made you moan uncontrollably. “You’re gonna let me make you mine tonight?” he asked while you caught your breath.

“Make me yours, baby,” you provoked. With that, he pulled himself off of you, and attempted to pull off your skinny jeans. Seeing that he was struggling to get them off, you laughed. Hearing him mutter something under his breath, he finally got them off your ankles and onto the floor. Looking at your underwear, he could see a wet spot.

“Wow, already wet for me? Just like at the party last year?” he joked. You rolled your eyes. 

“Will you just shut the fuck up and fuck me? God, stop being annoying,” you whined as you threw your head back. Slowly peeling off your underwear, he took in the view. This is what he had been waiting for. All those years, he had been waiting for a moment to get you alone and see this side of you. Not the naked side, he enjoyed that, but an intimate side that the two of you could share.

Moving his face up to your pussy, he just breathed and it sent shivers down your spine. You might've been waiting for this moment all year but you had waited what felt like a longtime for someone like Jeff in your life. Someone you knew that would protect you and treat you like the goddess you are. 

Sticking his tongue, you gripped the sheets in tight handfuls. Moaning through your gritted teeth, you felt his tongue doing circles around your g-spot. Wanting him to delve more into your pussy, you grabbed his hair and brought him closer. Soon enough, he was hitting the right spot and you couldn’t keep back your shrieked breaths and moans. Darting his tongue back and forth, you could feel a knot in your stomach forming. 

It wasn’t a familiar feeling because you had never been satisfied like this before. No guy had ever actually wanted to eat you out unless you asked for it. His first move was to eat your sweet pussy because he wanted to show you that this was all about you and your comfortability. 

Feeling the knot in your stomach tighten, you gripped his hair and tugged it hard. Feeling yourself tighten around his tongue, you let out on him. Licking up your cum, he took a step back to admire what was in front of him. An attractive, vulnerable, and sweet, Y/N. Throwing yourself up from the bed, you whipped off your shirt and unclasped your bra. Reaching for his shirt you tossed it over his head and to the corner of his room. Unbuckling his jeans, he stopped you. “Y/N, I wanna show you what you’ve missed out all this year. No need to pleasure me. Looking at you unfold for me is enough,” he smirked.

“Okay, then how do you want me?” you asked sweetly. Hearing that was enough for Jeff to cum right on the spot. He didn’t know why but the innocence in your voice flipped a switch in him. It made him feel bad about how he was gonna wreck your pussy for the next ten minutes. 

“I want you on all fours. Right now,” he demanded. Taking his belt off, then his pants, and boxers, you groaned at the sight of his cock. It was already dripping precum. Grabbing a condom from his dresser drawer, he opened the package and slid the condom on his hard cock. With your ass in the air, he lined his cock up to your wet pussy. Placing a hand on your back, he slowly pushed in. Hissing at the sensation, he pulled back and said “Y/N, are you okay? I’m not hurting you am I?”

“Nope, I’m fine. Just need to get used to it,” you replied. Trying again, he slowly entered you while making sure to not put all of himself in just yet. After inching in every time, he put himself inside of you. He found his rhythm and was fitting himself completely in your tight pussy. Gripping on your hips, every once in a while he’d smack your ass. 

Grabbing your ass and smacking it, he said “Oh, you like it when I fuck you like that? You like it when I smack your ass, baby?” Nodding your head, you managed to pant out a ‘yes.’ Suddenly, he removed himself from you. Feeling empty, you whined at the awful sensation. He took you by your hips and turned you on your back. 

“Sorry, baby. I want to take you this way. I want to look at you while I cum,” he breathed. Instinctively wrapping your legs around his hips, he inserted himself again. Only this time, he placed his lips on yours which earned him a moan from you. His face then found himself in the crook of your neck and his lips on your neck. Holding on to the back of his neck, you needed the support from him completely fucking you into tomorrow. Every thrust was hard and fast and it was perfect. 

Even though it didn’t seem like the typical intimate and romantic moment, it was. There was a certain closeness you two felt with each other during this moment. He was giving himself to you and you were giving yourself to him and it was perfect. 

Feeling him slow down, you took that moment to catch your breath a little bit and refocus on what was happening. Jeff lifted himself up and supported himself with his elbows. Looking up at him, you could tell he was very close. His face was scrunched up and his mouth was agape. “I’m gonna cum. Fuck,” he muttered. As he looked down at you, you could see the lust and passion in his eyes. As he intently was locking eyes with you, he let out a low moan and came into the condom. 

Rolling off of the bed, he took the condom off and threw it in the trash. Laying next to you in bed, you were just heavily breathing while looking up at the ceiling. “Did you cum by any chance,” he asked.

“No but I don’t think that really matters right now,” you responded. Turning towards him, you moved yourself closer to him. “What matters is, what do we do now? I mean we fucked and I told you how I felt so,” you pondered.

Pulling you into his chest, he sighed. “Well, we have one of two options. Option one is that we never speak of tonight and we pretend we still hate each other. Or we could do the better option, which is to maybe see where things go between us?” he noted. Looking at him and his arms that were wrapped around you, you smiled.

“Ya know, I’m really liking option number two but can we add an option three to this?” you questioned.

“Which option would that be?” he asked.

Growing a huge smirk on your face, you pulled yourself on top of him and placed your hands on his chest. “I was thinking we see where things go but we also have round two.”

[mycatshuman]

Castle of Devils

Chapter 13: Remus is the Worst Wing Man

Last | Next | More

Tw: Remus being Remus, swearing

I have a more detailed note at the end, but I just wanted to apologize for how long in between the last update this was, I'm so sorry.

🧛🏻‍♂️🧛🏻‍♂️🧛🏻‍♂️🧛🏻‍♂️🧛🏻‍♂️🧛🏻‍♂️🧛🏻‍♂️🧛🏻‍♂️🧛🏻‍♂️🧛🏻‍♂️🧛🏻‍♂️🧛🏻‍♂️🧛🏻‍♂️🧛🏻‍♂️🧛🏻‍♂️🧛🏻‍♂️🧛🏻‍♂️🧛🏻‍♂️

When Virgil got home, he found Janus rolling through the air whole clutching his stomach as his laughter rang out loudly. Virgil was still reeling from his encounter with Patton and he found himself freezing in the doorway as he stared at the ghost floating in his living room. He blinked. "What?" 

Janus turned to face the vampire, his laugh subdued to giggles. "You never told me-" he cut off once again in a fit of laughter made Virgil even more confused. 

"What? What's so funny?" 

"You never told me that you sparkled!" 

Virgil took a moment to process the sentence before his face dropped into the most annoyed expression anyone could muster. 

Janus crackled joyfully. "They said vampires fucking sparkled in the sun and now I can't stop thinking about you sparkling!" Virgil huffed as he moved to the kitchen and dropped the box of blood bags on the counter. He ignored Janus' loud laughter as he pulled out the blood bags and placed them in an opaque mini container in the back of the fridge. Once he finished he broke up the cardboard box that had been used to hold his blood bags and dropped it behind the recycling bin. Then he stayed quiet for a few moments. 

The ghosts' laughter still rang loudly and Virgil frowned. "Are you done yet?" He yelled. This only resulted in a new explosion of laughter as Janus looked at Virgil and imagined him sparkling all over again. Virgil groaned and let his face drop onto the counter. A thunk could be heard as his head made contact with the harsh surface but Virgil was too annoyed to care. "I should have never let you use my laptop." 

"No! No!" Janus laughed as he floated into the room, face still twisted in amusement as he fought to control his giggles. "I'm done now." 

The vampire mumbled into the counter, not even bothering to lift his head. "I met one of Roman's friends today." 

Janus's amused expression quickly slipped off his face as he moved closer to Virgil. "What happened? Is everything okay?" 

Virgil sighed and dragged himself back up into a standing position. "Yeah, he said his name is Patton and he actually was the blood supplier." The vampire nibbled at his lip anxiously. "He's, uh, planning to open a blood bank for vampires." 

Janus blinked. "What?" 

"Yeah. He's human, got a husband and they're both friends with Roman. Apparently he told them what happened." 

Janus suddenly grew very angry. "Well what the fuck! Why did he run when you told him?"

Virgil stared pointedly at the spirit in front of him. "Probably because Patton might not have told him. Or maybe it's because he saw me kill a man." 

Instantly, Janus's anger gave way to guilt. "I-" he swallowed past the lump in his throat. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have done that, I should have let you tell him." 

Virgil hummed. "Yeah, you shouldn't have done it but I don't think I would ever be able to work up the courage to tell him myself." The vampire yawned. "I forgive you. I'm going to bed now, see you tomorrow." 

Janus nodded faintly. He watched as Virgil climbed into the bed and crawled under the covers. Janus stayed there for a while after the vampire had fallen asleep until he heard a light knock on the door downstairs. The ghost frowned and sunk down through the floor and glided over to the door. He waited a few moments before he pushed his face through the door and yelped. Janus flung himself back through the door and placed a hand to his chest and took a deep breath to calm his nerves before he phased through the door with a scowl. "What are you doing here, Remus?"  

Remus had been standing creepily close to the door with a broad grin on his face and wide unblinking eyes when Janus looked out the door, scaring the crap out of the ghost. Now he was vibrating in place as he looked at Janus with a mischievous grin. "I have the best idea!" 

Janus raised an eyebrow. "Oh? You do, do you?" 

Remus nodded rapidly and grabbed Janus's form causing the other to gasp. Warmth spread across his being from Remus' hand. It was the first time in a long time that he had felt warmth. God, he craved it. 

Remus dragged Janus to his car and showed a poster board with hastily glued on pictures and messy words littering the surface. The human let go of Janus, missing the quiet whine the ghost let out at the loss of the warmth, and gestured to the display. "I call it operation date night! I'm going to convince Roman to invite Virgil over as a "apology dinner" so he can pretend to apologize and he'll make stuff with "super garlic" in it that will be sure to "kill" a vampire and then when he finds out that it's not killing Virgil, he'll be so mad that he shoves the table out of the way and engage in hot angry sex and then my brother will finally have been laid and I won't have to deal with his sexual frustration anymore!" 

Janus blinked. "I- what? Virgil isn't going to have sex with Roman so soon."

Remus frowned. "Damnit." He stayed silent for a few minutes and Janus found himself wanting to fix the disappointed look in the humans eyes. 

"But, that could actually work to get them to reconcile." 

Remus's eyes lit up. "Yes! And then I can bully them with sex jokes!" Janus bit his lip, both incredibly amused and slightly disturbed. Remus turned to Janus. "Thank you Janus the ghost with the best di-" 

"Remus!" Janus shrieked, flushing red, embarrassed. 

Remus cackled. "Anyway," he started once he settled down. "I'm gonna head home. I'll talk to Roman about it tomorrow. You just have to make sure Virgil accepts." Remus smacked his lips against the ghosts cheek before climbing into his car. "Once this is done, you better be ready for a storm of flirty from me!" And with that final sentence, Remus turned on the car and drove off into the night. 

Janus hovered over the ground for a moment before choosing to ignore that last bit. "I think it's a little unfair that he gets to convince Roman to have this thing while I'm stuck trying to convince an immovable rock to go to this dinner party." He let his head drop to his chest with a sigh before lifting his head up and turning back to the house. "I guess all I have to do now is to wait." 

---------

Roman was suspicious of his brother. Recently, he had been on his laptop laughing maniacally every hour as if he was plotting. Remus usually was plotting something but this one felt a little different. Normally, his brother would brag to him about his plans, but this one he was working on, he hadn't. Which meant it probably had something to do with him. 

It was a bit alarming. Remus's plots could range from mild inconvenience to complete and utter embarrassment. Neither of which was something Roman wanted to deal with at the moment. After all, he still had the vampire to worry about. 

Speaking of the vampire, as time went on and as often as Roman found himself left alone with his thoughts, he discovered his feelings concerning the vampire and the entire situation becoming more and more complex as time went on. In his mind, he knew vampires were dangerous and a threat to humans. But at the same time, his heart was crying for Virgil. For the creative little emo that had stolen his heart in under a month. 

And his heart knew, it knew that Virgil would never hurt him. Or anyone if he didn't have to. The Virgil he saw in that nightmare and the Virgil he had come to know were different people. Virgil had changed, that he knew. In his heart of course. Roman's heart truly knew that Virgil was a complex person and he knew that he was a good person. 

His mind, however, had other things to say. His mind knew of the capabilities of a vampire and its strength and its powers. His mind believed it knew all the facts there were to know about a vampire. In fact, Roman's mind was the reason he wasn't listening to his heart. It had suppressed his feelings so strongly that Roman was living in denial. 

Remus knew this, of course. It was one of the reasons why he was pushing so hard to get Virgil and Roman together. A reason that he told no one. He had a reputation to uphold after all. Thankfully, he would soon be taking care of it. At least that was his plan. 

-------------------

"Say, Roman?" Remus called out as he lounged upside down on the couch. 

Roman looked up from the book he was reading. It was the third book on vampires that week. The older of the two had taken to reading everything that had ever mentioned vampires in an attempt to find a way he could fight Virgil. It was a bit of a dramatic reaction but that was Roman for you. "Yeah?"

If you really want to kill Virgil-" Roman flinched but Remus pushed forward. He knew calling the vampire by his name would eventually make his brother see that it was still the man he fell for just with some enhanced abilities and a weird appetite. "Why don't you just take him on a date, pretend you've seen the error of your ways but order him something with a lot of garlic?"

Roman blinked. He had….never thought about that. He hummed thoughtfully. "I suppose that could work." 

"Or if you want you could just invite him over and make something with a lot of garlic. Then when he eats it, it'll weaken him and then you can stab him with a stake." 

Roman stared in horrific awe of his brother. "I can't believe something that would have horrified me before is so sensible now." He slouched in his chair and placed a hand over his face. "My brother is making sense, the world's gone mad." 

Remus chuckled. "Or if you want you can just get your freak on with Virgil instead of trying to kill him. Maybe you have a biting kink?" 

Roman flushed scarlet and threw his book at his brother. "SHUT UP YOU DEMON!" 

Remus only snorted as he slid down off the couch. "I'm just saying, it's an option." 

Roman only groaned in response.

----------

Roman had to admit his brother's idea was a pretty good one. The, inviting the vampire to dinner to poison him one, not the other one. It would hopefully lower the vampires' guard and maybe, just maybe, he could pull it off without the vampire noticing. 

So, without any other options, Roman set about making up a perfect dinner. Roasted garlic potatoes? Check! Chicken alfredo, rich with garlic seasoning? Check! Holy water for a drink? Check! And all that was left for him to do was to invite the vampire over, cook, and set up the scene. What could go wrong? 

🧛🏻‍♂️🧛🏻‍♂️🧛🏻‍♂️🧛🏻‍♂️🧛🏻‍♂️🧛🏻‍♂️🧛🏻‍♂️🧛🏻‍♂️🧛🏻‍♂️🧛🏻‍♂️🧛🏻‍♂️🧛🏻‍♂️🧛🏻‍♂️🧛🏻‍♂️🧛🏻‍♂️🧛🏻‍♂️🧛🏻‍♂️🧛🏻‍♂️

Heyyyyy, so it's been a bit, a hot minute if you will, I'm sorry this is so short I just wanted to get something out and this has been just sitting in my drafts for months now. So i added a few sentences and here we go a short chapter but a chapter nonetheless I promise I'm trying to work on more. Thank you for reading and Happy first day of Halloween to those who celebrate it!

Taglist: @misery-killed-me @superwholocked-for-life @mirror2thespirit @aroundofapplesauce @lyditist @little-euro-girl @unicornofdarknessstuff @alias290 @odette-ssbu @ray-does-stuff

COD taglist: @kittycake574 @rainbow-Roman @icequeenoriginal @ilovemygaydad @comicsimpson @notalwaysthebadguy @iloveyatothemoonandback @hitmewiththatfanart33

[trailerparkbubbs]

Hi hello I need to talk more about my feelings on Julian interacting with animals because I think it’s a very underrated element of his character.

So, we know that Ricky and Bubbles are both big animal lovers – Ricky has Orangie and Willie Goat and the Raykins, and of course Bubbles has his kitties, and they’re both very verbal about how much they love their respective pets. For Bubbles especially it’s a major part of his character.

However, the way that Julian interacts with animals is very understated, almost like it’s an afterthought. He’s often even doing something else at the time, or someone else is holding an animal and Julian absentmindedly reaches over and pets it. 

In a way, it’s actually kind of similar to how he’s always holding his drink? Like, Julian is holding a drink in every scene because when JP Tremblay started acting he didn’t know what to do with his hands, and the solution was to give him a character detail that gave him something simple to always do with his hands while also making it a funny running joke. The scenes, especially in the early seasons, where Julian is holding an animal feel similar to me – just something for JP to do with his hands.

Like, look at this. He’s listening to his answering machine, he’s drinking his drink, and also he just happens to be holding this dog, no big deal. 

It totally makes sense for Julian’s character, of course; he’s the calm, rational one. I mean, sure – Bubbles is often rational and Ricky is often calm (well... maybe not often but sometimes) but Julian has to be the straightman to both of them. This is especially true in the early seasons, before they changed his characterization to be more greedy and ambitious.

Also in the early seasons (and throughout the show, but it’s very prominent early on) we see Julian as a sort of natural caretaker. He keeps Ricky out of trouble, he keeps Bubbles from getting too anxious (most of the time), and he’s sort of the guardian of the whole park. We see it again in season seven with Jacob, where Julian realizes that this guy is emulating him and seems to genuinely care about him and goes out of his way to be friendly and keep him safe as much as possible. It’s also the reason Erica is attracted to him – she sees that he genuinely loves everyone in the park and would do anything for them.

So, the way Julian interacts with pets as if it’s the most natural thing in the world, as if he was meant to always be holding a pet (and the fact that he’s often actually physically holding it, not just petting it or talking to it) reflects this. His body language is sort of casually protective – he sees an animal and immediately wraps it up in his arms and then just continues to hold it while he carries on with his life.

And it’s like... very comforting to see? Like, look at this cat, just hanging out, having a rest, totally at ease. Julian isn’t working overtime to try and convince this cat to come play with him; neither he or the cat is putting a ton of energy into this. It’s just super low key, just Julian and a cat, doing a talking head.

It sort of allows Julian to maintain an air of dignity while also humanizing him; we see him being affectionate with random animals, we see him clearly thinking like “this cat is too adorable not to pet right now, even if I’m in the middle of something”, we see him being very gentle and caring – but at the same time, he’s totally poised and he’s still very much the articulate, intelligent adult in any given situation. He still feels like someone we should respect.

Of course, they break this several times in the series, because once you’ve built up a character who needs to be composed and in command at all times, you’ve gotta put them in some positions where they are not at all composed and in command. Probably the most jarring example is this sequence:

(For reference, this is where Julian finds out Ricky has sold all his furniture while he was in jail, as well as doing various illegal activity in his name, decides to leave the park, gets super drunk on swish, hangs out with Randy, and ends up wasted in a back alley until Erica discovers him and tells Ricky and Bubbles)

Julian is still trying to do his normal thing here where he’s picking up the dog and holding it, but he’s much less casual about it than normal, and the dog doesn’t really fit into his arms as well. He’s also dancing around with it and talking to it in a slightly manic way. It’s got a very different vibe from how he normally interacts with animals, which is congruent with the fact that this is the furthest from himself that we’ve seen Julian until this point – and arguably after.

Also in that same episode is this:

This is closer to normal – definitely more subdued – but it’s still a little off. Julian is at his lowest point here; he’s sitting on the ground, defeated, pretty much hopeless. It feels less like he’s protecting and taking care of the dog, and more like the dog is trying to take care of him, or like he’s trying to help calm himself down by petting it. Of course, I may be reading too much into that, but I’m writing a veritable essay on Julian interacting with animals, so I think I’m already well past the point of reading too much into things.

I think it’s very interesting that they choose to have him interacting with a dog in this sequence – I remember when I was watching it for the first time thinking to myself “Is that dog just there for JP’s benefit? It feels like they just brought a dog in so JP could pet a dog.” It really has no bearing on the plot at all. However, it’s a really good illustration of the mini arc Julian goes through in this episode – seeing the difference in how he interacts with animals allows us to see the difference in what he’s feeling and how he’s acting, without filtering it through the lens of him interacting with a specific character. 

Anyways tl;dr Julian interacting with animals makes me feel very happy and safe, and I like how his interactions with animals are generally understated and calm. Thanks @heyodaddio​ for telling me which episodes Julian interacts with animals in so I could make this post. 

[sararaiden]

Redamancy

A post-canon gintsu fanfic. All the flower talk references the Hanahaki disease (since this is a tie-in of an okikagu multichap that had the Hanahaki as a plot device). AO3 link.

It takes them some time to decipher who is the early riser, and in all honesty, it depends on many things. It has to do with the long nights at the pachinko parlor getting more and more sporadic until they are only an excuse for Hasegawa to unwind from his job, in which Gintoki obliges because that’s what friends are for.

Tsukuyo still has to bail him on those nights.

Or maybe it has to do with him drinking less and less alone since it will be a shame to waste the sake Hijikata gives her. So, she pours it for him, and it becomes a sacred ritual at dusk instead of a way to drown his sorrows. Or, perhaps, this is about his empty house and how he was drawn to her, desperate to have an excuse to quell his screams at night now that Kagura was gone. In the end, he stays at her place for weeks, even if that meant fewer hours of sleep because he has to drive back to Kabukicho.

(Until Kondo started coming too and then he had an excuse to freeload on the police’s gasoline and sleep some more on the way back).

Perhaps that will change now that his daughter is back. He realizes that he hadn’t taken her to his house as much as he had liked while he could —because Kagura is still his little girl and she doesn’t need to know how much he wants to ravish Tsukuyo on his desk. Then, he remembers her tired face and her beautiful laugh at Otose’s all those nights they spent at Kabukicho just to be there, only for them to return to Yoshiwara, sometimes drunk and stumbling, sometimes sober and embracing each other in the quiet of the dawn, and he supposes that is enough for the time being. They can’t know who the early riser is when they don’t even take off the day’s clothes before going to sleep and get up because one of them managed to kick the other.

They can’t know it either when Tsukuyo takes those crazy shifts, sometimes at night, sometimes in the middle of the night, sometimes by day. He has spent months playing pachinko with this: will she be at his side when he wakes up? Will she even come? Their sleeping schedule is so messed up and so unnatural they don’t even bother trying to learn the other’s pattern. Whenever they remain awake plagued by their thoughts doesn’t count either as getting up for they didn’t even get to sleep. It is like this that the fact remains clouded in mystery, much to Hinowa’s chagrin.

It is, indeed, a mixture of a gazillion of circumstances. But one thing is for sure: it reveals itself when he doesn’t waste away his nights in solitude, when the life outside his futon beckons him with all its colors —even if Kagura is away, and the day Tsukuyo starts loosening on the workload she puts on her back and fits herself into his routine too.

Gintoki is the early riser. For one thing is sure: saving cats from trees is less tiring than beating the ever-loving shit out of some thug. If only she knew how good she looks when her palm sends the head of the idiot in case bobbling backward…

Yes, Gintoki follows her sometimes, like a stupid Gorilla stalker.

(Oh, how low the mighty have fallen).

Not because she needs saving, but because he’s bored, and Tsukuyo and her girls know how to put on a spectacle. And still, whatever she is capable of doing in the field stands no chance against what she does to him with her mere presence, the slow rise and fall of her chest, and the sunrays painting gold her hair.

He is glad he gets up earlier than her. With this Gintoki can steal a few moments from her day and not feel guilty about it. He can steal her from Yoshiwara’s claws; the Red District is lucky he still has some shame. Gintoki doesn’t pretend —could never, in fact, know what she thinks but he is aware of this much: Tsukuyo still shares him with everyone who needs him. She’s that selfless.

He, on the other hand, wants to steal her from Paradise. Shame and the utter respect he has for her are stopping him from doing so.

His hand brushes against her forehead, pulling her fringe away to reveal the scar. The marred tissue never made her ugly, but he had a hard time trying to grasp the meaning behind it, just to realize later that she was far braver than him. It is easy to throw yourself into the pits of danger, wishing that maybe your life would end gloriously. It isn’t so easy, however, to cast a part of yourself away for the sake of duty.

It is beautiful, that with her he doesn’t want to fall to pieces, not anymore, and that with him, she can be whole again.

“Creep.” Her voice is hoarse, a blend of the tobacco and the morning sleepiness. She raises her hand from under the covers and grabs him by the wrist. Gintoki just smiles, lazy and unapologetic. “Don’t tell me ya haven’t slept, Gintoki.” There’s a veiled threat in her words yet she loosens her grip and drawls her fingers across the calloused skin of his hand’s palm.

Taking the route of the playful banter is second nature to him, just like kicking asses —his included, is to her. “You didn’t let me, you Terminator, remember?” He slides his fingers between hers and encloses her hand in his, like a predator. He feels the ring biting into his skin; it’s so cold, just like her. Or, to be more precise, how she wanted to be, just that he didn’t let her, and now here they are. Tsukuyo has that sweet expression of complete shame plastered across her face. “Poor Gin-san works his ass off and instead of letting him rest you decide to mounfhgth!”

He licks her hand, but it's futile; she acts like a maiden but she’s hardly disgusted by the actions themselves, just at the mention of them. “Ya are one boastful moron.” She releases his mouth from its confinement and makes a face when a sunray hits her right in the eyes.

Next thing she is snuggling against his chest. It’s dark in there, just what she needs.

“I’m just proud of your stamina.” She sneaks an arm around him and smacks him in the head. “Watch it, Tsukuyo.”

“Ya watch it, Gintoki,” she grumbles against his skin, tickling him. Her lips linger a little above one of his scars, never touching him. For all the “reject womanhood” discourse she loved to throw at him back in the day, she is a courtesan at heart and knows exactly how to silence him.

(He finds it poetic, how after spending a lifetime howling at the heavens, he has finally reached them).

So, he remains silent. The only sound that fills the room is the ruffling of the sheets when he caresses her back and the distant call of a new day several stories down from where her quarters are. He ought to thank Kagura for giving Tsukuyo a mini-vacation to compensate for the ruined free day spent with Hijikata and Sofa-kun.

“Say, do you have a favorite flower?”

It is a strange question. It didn’t rob him of his sleep last night, but he figured he had never asked her. With all the drama surrounding the police captain —and Kagura, but he isn’t thinking about that right now nor does he want to, he thought about the maple leaves of her kimono.

Her voice comes out muffled by his chest. “I hate the cherry blossoms.” He knows. He’s the only one that knows.

“I asked for a favorite one, tho.”

They remain in silence again. She doesn’t get it, why it’s so important, but like many other things, she indulges him. Tsukuyo’s hums almost make him drift back to sleep, until her voice, now clear, stops him from going too far. She has one elbow on the pillow and her hand lazily supporting her head. He feels triumphant, for some reason.

“I don’t know why are we having pillow talk about flowers…” she seems to be mesmerized by how their hands are still interweaved, “but I like those that grow by the riverbank.” She scowls a bit, to which Gintoki brings his lips to her brow. “The ones that are fluffy and with many colors.” He leaves there a chaste kiss, coaxing her to relax. There’s no need for her to get stressed for not knowing how they are called.

“The hydrangeas, aha.” He recoils in time to catch the suspicious glare she regales him.

“I didn’t take ya for a flower enthusiast, Gintoki.”

He isn’t. It’s just that some memories can’t be purged, nor does he want to. It’s funny those are her favorite ones, or at least, the ones she likes the most.

“I’ve lived ten years with Otose.” That in itself, isn’t an answer. Even so, she doesn’t need one. She had let go of his hand and now is combing through his perm with lazy strokes. “They grow on her husband’s grave.” Her movements do not falter. “And we had them by the fence at the temple school, too.” She doesn’t still, doesn’t look at him with pity, doesn’t even look him in the eyes. She lets him bare himself while she continues to mess his hair.

Truth is, she made a mess out of him a long time ago, when Yoshiwara was as dark as his life before the kids came into it.

“Yoshiwara needs a bit of green,” she comments casually. Tsukuyo drops her hand and turns away, reaching for her pipe, and Gintoki pretends he didn’t see her soft smile. She sits up and takes his yukata, draping it over her shoulders. Her fingers lighten the kiseru with grace. “We can plant them in the main avenue.” The tobacco smoke fills the room almost immediately. He doesn’t care anymore. “And then you can plant the ones you like.”

Always the tsundere, avoiding asking the real questions.

He stretches, and circles her waist, his hands resting on her thighs and his chin on her shoulder. He follows the swirly pattern of the cloth, thinking.

“I can’t plant maple leaves, Tsukuyo.”

[eldritchamy]

I watched “Happiest Season” and no it fucking wasn’t.

Here’s a review so you don’t have to suffer like I did: if I wasn’t watching it as the host of a movie night, I would not have made it past 20-30 minutes in.

It was very uncomfortable to watch.  I feel like I just spent two hours on a plane with a crying baby.  Except the baby was a homophobic rich white Republican that I was forced to campaign for.  All of the people I watched it with, including myself, found it stressful, anxiety inducing, and deeply unpleasant.  The first thing I did when it was over was warn my best friend not to watch it.

90% of the movie is rich white straight people drama forcing lesbians into the closet.  It’s not fun.  It’s not happy.  It wasn’t enjoyable.  At all.  Watching this was an uncompromisingly depressing and miserable experience.

It was marketed as a romantic comedy and it was neither of those things.   I feel repressed for having seen it.  

Every relationship in this movie is toxic and hard to watch, with the sole exception of two other characters who aren’t part of the family both having much better chemistry with Kristen Stewart’s character than her girlfriend.

Aubrey Plaza playing Gay Aubrey Plaza one of two redeeming things in the movie and she’s in it for about ten minutes, and even one of her scenes was hard for me to sit through (the awkward and dubiously written drag bar scene)  The other 90 minutes are agonizingly drawn out and unbearable.

If you are determined to support this movie because god knows we need more (and MUCH better) representation and we live in a hellscape where money is the only way to ask for such things, press play on it and then take out your headphones and go read a book instead until it’s over.

For your own sake please do not watch this.  

I genuinely can’t tell who it’s even FOR.  If anything about this movie resonates with you, I am SORRY to hear that, because you are probably the lesbian daughter of a very rich white man running for office as a Republican, and watching any of the rich housewife reality shows probably gives you PTSD because those are the kind of people you grew up with.  

And even IF that is the case, spare yourself the trauma of watching your own life and watch something else instead.  This movie will only hurt you.

Nothing about the experience of seeing this was worth it.

Plot spoilers ahead.

The plot is as follows:

Abby (Kristen Stewart) loves her girlfriend Harper (Mackenzie Davis).  But she does not love Christmas.  After a night out together, Harper asks her to join her when she visits her family for the holidays.  Abby says yes, and gets her gay male friend John (that guy from Schitt’s Creek) to cover pet sitting for her. While running a few errands with him, she goes to pick up an engagement ring which looks completely unattainable for a woman who makes a living as a pet sitter.

When they are almost to Harper’s family’s home, she awkwardly brings up that she lied about coming out to them earlier in the year.  They still don’t know she’s gay and they have to make sure the family is perfect and scandal free because her dad is running for mayor or something and one of his donors? campaign manager? is going to be there.  So they have to pretend Abby is her straight roommmate.  They fight about it before Abby very reluctantly agrees.  This is a pattern that repeats until Abby can’t take any more.

The family is like upper-class-Republican terrible.  They are AWFUL people.  The parents treat their children like trophies in a display case, and the children all feel forced into brutal competition with each other to see who the parents will actually be proud of.  One of Harper’s sisters (Jane) is actually an okay person who does nothing wrong, but she’s an aspiring writer who has spent 10 years not finishing her book and she’s played like she belongs in a different movie, and it feels like she’s meant to be seen as the useless layabout sibling, in a cruelly funny way.  

The other sister is a nightmare of a woman (Sloane? I think?) played by a completely unrecognizable Allison Brie.  She’s a lawful evil cutthroat monster who is straight up VICIOUS to the other two, and is especially terrible to Harper, because neither of them even see Jane as competition.  Her own family is the thing she uses to try to be worthy of her parents’ pride and affection.  

The dad is focused entirely on his campaign and is more or less indifferent to all of them unless they aren’t “presentable” and “scandal free” enough to keep his potential donor/campaign manager satisfied, in which case he “expects better of them” until they behave.  The children are like 30.  

The mom is maybe the worst of all of them.  She’s invasive, ignorant in that forceful way where she doesn’t give a shit about anything except her own bubble of reality that she thinks she’s living in and blows past any contradiction to it like it’s not even there, nitpicky about what everyone’s doing, is willfully out of touch with everything she’s told (Abby’s parents died when she was 19, and she spends the movie acting like she thinks Abby grew up in an orphanage made of dirt and never had a Christmas before).  And she will not leave the two of them alone.  She insists it’s ridiculous for two grown women to share a bedroom and gives Abby a room without a lock in a basement that’s bigger than my whole house, while Harper’s room is upstairs.  Everyone is constantly barging into Abby’s room with less than two seconds of notice, which leads to the kind of tension and awkwardness you’d expect.  The first morning, Abby wakes up to Sloane’s children staring at her.

Abby is clearly MISERABLE.  And so are you, because you’re watching this movie.  Abby and Harper are constantly pushed apart by the family, and Harper pushes Abby away while pretending to be perfect and straight for her family.

Her family invited Harper’s ex boyfriend, who thinks they should rekindle things.  Super fun thing that I always love to see in my lesbian media.

While out at dinner, Abby and Harper have another mini fight in the bathroom.  Harper promises she had no idea Connor(?) was going to be there and that there won’t be any more surprises.  They walk out of the bathroom, right into Harper’s OTHER ex, her first girlfriend Riley (Aubrey Plaza, who literally just plays herself and is the only good thing about the movie).

This is the first 20 minutes.

There’s a party that leaves Abby feeling isolated and pushed away.  She goes outside to make a phone call.  She makes regular texts and phone calls to John for support and advice throughout the movie.  He’s terrible at taking care of fish, but he’s genuinely a good friend to her and it’s clear he cares about her a lot.  It’s probably unfair not to say his friendship is the second redeeming thing in the movie.  After Abby gets off the phone with him the first time, Riley comes out from around the corner and tries to be nice, saying she could relate to what she’s going through.  Abby kind of closes off from her and she takes the hint without any fuss and leaves her alone.

The movie slogs on with compounding stress and anxiety and a moment when Abby is LITERALLY forced to hide in a closet and pretend she was sleepwalking on her way to Harper’s bedroom at night.  It MIGHT have been an attempt at a joke?  I’m genuinely not sure because I did not come close to laughing once in the entire 100 minutes of this nightmare.  Harper instead sneaks into Abby’s room while she’s awkwardly trying to get away from Harper’s mom.  That’s where the gifs of the sneak-snuggle from behind the door come from.  Enjoy the gifs because everything that wasn’t giffed is not worth seeing.  Harper spends the night there.

Bright and early, Harper’s mom comes knocking on the door, trying to open it and barge in again but Abby blocked the door with something heavy claiming it was to “keep her from sleepwalking again” (her excuse for being in the closet) while Harper frantically gets almost-dressed and hides behind the door as BOTH parents come to bother them, and the evil sister’s children see her partially dressed through the crack in the door.

Later that day Abby has to go shopping for a present for the “White Elephant” Harper didn’t warn her about.  She bumps into Sloane at the mall, who dumps her kids off on her before quickly leaving.  The kids very intentionally frame Abby for shoplifting by putting a necklace in her bag, and there’s a really awkward and uncomfortable scene with her being interrogated by overly forceful mall cops who are yelling at her.  When she finally gets back to the house, Harper’s entire family now thinks she’s a criminal.

Abby spends the night alone during another (campaign?) party that Harper told her she’d probably be happier getting left out of, and she bumps into Riley on the street and gets to talking with her, still more frustrated by Harper and her family.  She says she needs some alcohol, Riley takes her to a drag bar which gave me really bad vibes and bonds with her there, telling her a bit about her relationship with Harper.  They dated secretly (obviously) in their first year of high school (which implies she knew she was gay before she dated Connor, and used him as a cover).  They would sneak each other romantic notes.  When someone found one in Harper’s locker, she threw Riley under the bus completely, outed her, and said she was obsessed with her so she could go on pretending to be straight.  They bond a bit and seem like they could be friends, at a minimum.  They have a few more scenes together over the next hour (yeah there’s still that much movie left, and if you’re wondering how it could be that bad, you’re welcome for the warning, because I was wondering that too) and they have better chemistry than Abby and Harper by miles.

Eventually Abby becomes so miserable she checks the movie-specific version of Uber to try to go home by herself, but it’s running at holiday rates so it would cost over $1000 for her to leave.  She’s still tempted to do it, and calls John again for advice and says she feels awful, completely alone, and with no way out of this horrible situation.  He gives her some more friendly support.

Abby still needs a White Elephant gift, but has no way to go by herself because Harper drove them there.  So she calls Riley to go with her.  They spend a day hanging out together while Harper is doing some other thing with her dad’s campaign, and Abby makes text excuses to Harper, who then immediately sees Riley and Abby walking by on the street together.  Before she gets a chance to run out and say something, she gets interrupted by something I thankfully don’t remember (I long for the moment this is true of the rest of it).

Riley and Abby bond some more but nothing romantic happens.  The plot only wants them to be good friends, even though their chemistry is really good.

At the end of the day Abby comes in and Harper immediately almost starts a fight with her but they get interrupted again somehow.

I have willed most of the next 20 minutes out of my mind, apparently.

There’s yet another party at this gigantic house because I hate the rich, Abby and Riley talk more.  This is the one with the really gay outfit.  Abby admits to Riley that she was planning on proposing to Harper, but at this point it’s like she’s a completely different person and she can’t tell who the real Harper is.  Riley says it’s probably both of them.

SURPRISE JOHN IS HERE.  He comes in the front door and calls for Abby.  After Abby’s last phone call he arranged for his therapist to do the pet sitting and he drove all the way here just so he could take her home.  Seriously, John has incredible Good Friend Energy.  Yet more awkwardness ensues, while John mixes some awkward flirting with Connor into his poor attempt to come off as straight.  Abby then walks right up to Harper, says “we’re done” and goes to grab some things to leave.  Harper follows her into the room and tries to get her to stay, Abby says she can’t take the hiding and the general misery, the whole experience has been terrible and she’s not sure if Harper is the person she thought she was.  Harper argues for her to stay and says she’s caught between being afraid of losing her family if she comes out and knowing she’ll lose Abby if she doesn’t.  She promises to come out to them as soon as the holidays are over because Abby is more important to her.  They kiss briefly and realize Sloane is in the doorway.

Sloane tries to run to tell the rest of the family because burning Harper’s reputation forever means she’ll be the one their parents love most.  They fight in the many hallways of this stupidly enormous rich people house (this is when “Stay out of it, Sappho” happens) and on the way to ruin her sister’s life Sloane finds her husband making out with another ....campaign person? in the pantry and or closet which is big enough to fit two people inside.   Now Harper has something to use against Sloane.  This family is fucking horrible.  Sloane gets to where everyone else is first, and outs Harper.

Harper tries to swear she’s not gay, and sees Abby watching her.  She silently turns and walks out the door with John.  Harper then grabs a giant painting that Jane spent 100 hours on for the white elephant and smashes it over Sloane’s head and yells at her before falling apart.

Abby and John have another heartfelt conversation where John asks how she came out to her parents, and she said they loved and supported her.  Then he said his dad kicked him out on the street and didn’t talk to him for thirteen years.  He says everyone’s story is different, and Harper was still going through hers, and it was a hard one.  I THINK he acknowledges that if Abby doesn’t feel like she belongs in that story, she shouldn’t force herself to?  But that might have been wishful hindsight.  Abby comes back into the house to grab her things and leave, Harper comes out to her family right in front of her, Abby says it was too late and leaves anyway.  Harper is crushed and the rest of the family starts to see how fucked up they all are.

And then in the span of 7 fucking minutes the parents realize they were shitty to Sloane and Harper and the only reason Jane turned out okay is because they gave up on her, they give a minimal apology to their children, who also realize they were shitty to each other, and then it’s the next day and Abby is there with them, Harper has the ring on her finger, and everyone is magically happy now because the dad turned down his campaign advisor who said she could still work with him if he kept Harper’s “problem” a secret.

Jane’s book becomes a best seller and she’s friends with John now, because he was the only person who seemed genuinely interested in her passion.  He sits next to her at her book signing.  The end.

No, I’m not kidding.

As soon as it was over, I thought, wow that felt like a rushed happy ending that got slapped onto the end with nothing building up to or deserving it.

After further consideration, that gives it too much credit.

Because honestly? after the first hour and thirty five minutes of this hell, Abby and Harper being together at the end is not even something I would consider a happy ending.  I wasn’t satisfied at all.  It DEFINITELY felt like Abby ending up with Riley would have been a better movie.

If I had been told beforehand that a lesbian romcom starring Kristen Stewart and Mackenzie Davis, and featuring Aubrey Plaza as Gay Aubrey Plaza would have been an absolutely miserable experience that was hard to sit through and nothing but unpleasant to watch, I would probably have been shocked and disappointed.  

But at least I would have not seen this movie.  That is my gift to you.  Please do NOT watch this.

It was marketed as a romantic comedy and it lived up to neither of those claims.  Absolutely terrible movie.  The happiest season of all is one where you don’t watch this stressful, uncomfortable disaster.