#good for him (crying wishing I’m him)
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Just finished Emmy’s personal questline and am too full of feels rn so all I have is a tiny doodle tonight. I love him sm. 😭
#dragon age#dragon age the veilguard#DAtV#Emmrich volkarin#my art#my head is so brrrr and my heart is so full rn#those choices were waaaaay harder to choose than the main story stuff so far lmao#oh Emmy you poor sweetheart#he deserves all the soft kisses#grahhhh#incoherent screaming tbh I can’t seem to collect my thoughts#tldr I loved his questline immensely and wished it was longer#like I do the other companions tbh#but yeah it was so good#and I love him sm#wow wow Emmy the man you are#screaming crying throwing up#small doodle cos I’m exhausted from feels ok night
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Seeing people who were openly queer in the 80s and 90s and were either ignored or ridiculed at the time getting to openly embrace their sexuality in the present day, and wrap themselves triumphantly in their flags does something else to me, I have such a soft spot for it that I could cry
#Feel free to add your pictures and make me cry more#I was just thinking about BJA wrapped in a bisexual flag#I was thinking about Damon Albarn wrapped in a pride flag#Especially especially bisexual and asexual people who were sort of just reduced to ‘shiny straight’ and forgotten#Bradford Cox smiling saying ‘I’m the weirdest queer you’ll interview’ and openly saying ‘I’m nonbinary and asexual’#My one hopeless wish is Morrissey becomes a decent human before he dies and I can truly embrace him as an ace icon. Pipe dream though.#Queer#queer pride#queer elders#lgbtqia#lgbtq#queer community#Queer musicians#queer music#Music#musicians#wait I'll add my pics from my phone but PLEASE send me more!#Damon Abarn#Blue band#billie joe armstrong#Green Day#Bradford Cox#deerhunter#gerard way#my chemical romance#Please if anyone can find a good Gerard flag pic please add it to my reblog; I’m going mad trying to find it
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If I don’t survive the night,
If I make it to the morning-
#tmnt 2003#casey jones#raphael splinterson#does this count as 03 when it is technically the reboot#TMNT turtles forever#rasey#don’t get me wrong this can be platonic but I’m mentally Ill so I’m tagging the ship regardless#me and my friend watched this like 7 months ago but urgh the bit where raph goes back shouting for Casey and Leo has to grab his shoulder#to lead him out of harms way……urgh#couldn’t stop thinking about it and really wanted to draw them hugging#have done a rasey gift for my friend and almost did 03 hugging but I didn’t something else so#had to get this out my system regardless#shoutout to ray Leo and Rena for letting me pester you while I did this#one one month left of 2023….unreal….#i just think when raph gets casey back audience be damned hell give him the biggest tightest hug he can#theyre just peas in a pod in this version just so completely in sync and inseperable#i cant cope im ugly crying over this#i wish i was good with words
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Do you guys think I survived the time loop
#camera talks#I’m going to put all of these on one bag lmao#the way I was given them was absolutely wonderful and amazing#I was crying tears of joy and laughter#shoutout cuz I still think it’s so fucking funny#also got a star box (it was part of a gift sorta) and it makes me very excited it’s so cuteee#AND!! I got a small metal sonic and I love him sooo much#today has been really good#I super enjoyed cooking all morning and the snacks are excellent#and my day has been good#I’m a little tired#and I miss people a lot and wish I could hang out with them but like#overall I’m okay rn so
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ok I’m gonna not spam Reblog spoilers I’m gonna try but I fucking LOVE the spooky science fiction shit with the admin that was the coolest sequence
what if I formed a bond of hatred so deep I orchestrated hell for you and your sons and kept the charade up so long just to watch you in pain that I defy any and all laws of nature to force you to bear witness to divine suffering Dante couldn’t fathom
#Chatterbomb#Tf2 spoilers#Tf2#tf2 issue 7#team fortress 2 spoilers#You will wish you’d die a thousand times before you saw what I have done#And she looked hot while she did it!!!!#I love her she’s so fucking cool oh my god that’s some of the sickest shit I’ve seen in a while that was so good#“It was worth it.” ARE YOU KIDDING?????? I’m sorry ma’am I wasn’t aware of your game damn…#She is the coolest villain ever to me right now#I can bull shit about everyone’s happy ending later did you see that clockwork orange contraption???? They both start crying as they wither#Freak hanging on the ceiling with pumps running through him dry and everywhere he can turn it is only the world he hates projected on#Monitors#gtfo of here dude that is so sick and twisted in the coolest way possiblee
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i love Jaheira’s underlying sadness I love her expression of grief I love how she tells a subtle story long past
#ewbie.txt#something abt her grief makes me crying EVERYTIME#not impartial to the fact her husbands name is Khalid#man. man . I wanna have a conversation with her#I really wish we got more on him 🫠 she has such good dialogue 😭#sorry I’m one of the rare few individuals who is glad she isn’t romanceable 😭 I think it defeats the e purpose#bg3 spoilers
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#thanks dad#thanks for making me feel guilty for existing#i don’t understand him really#i’m sure it’s the screens dad#it couldn’t be the fact that you constantly tell me i’m not doing enough#or making me feel like i’m not worth anything#it also couldn’t be the fact that i’m fucking scared to cry near you#every time i cry near you you scare the shit out of me#you make me feel worse#this all started because of a question#i asked him if it’s okay for me to plug my ipad in overnight not by the door#he got mad at me#he started to make me feel bad#i don’t know what to do#he makes me feel guilty for existing#he makes me feel horrible#and i doubt everything i write#i doubt if i’m even telling the truth#he says i have a good life#people have it worse from me#i deserve to suffer#i don’t deserve his kind words#i don’t know#please help me lord and just make him not scare me#my parents have two sides#my dad is anger and scares me#my mom is sadness and guilts me#to be fair i was playing roblox the whole day but i did what i needed to#and my mom is having a hard time mh grandma has issues#but i just wish they wouldn’t hurt me (yeah i said hurt they have seriously damaged my mental health)
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Christmas presents all wrapped.
I survived.
#I’ve been crying a lot#I wish my mom was here and my husband wasn’t#I worked so hard to make this a good Xmas#and we’re all sick and he won’t…participate in anything#I asked him to do one thing - should have taken 30-60min and it took him 9 hours#he doesn’t even know what’s in most of the packages#do I lie and put his name on#tonight my oldest cleared the table and wiped it down#and ‘swept’ the kitchen and bathroom because I’m sick and ‘dad isn’t helping’#breaks my damn heart#is this the sort of Xmas I want them growing up remembering#how long do I do this#why do I do this#am I scared to go alone#either way I hate myself#shut up dragoon811
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New low. Sobbing in the floor of a dark empty apartment
#well. he’s gone.#it’s definitely relieving in a lot of ways#but….#my apartment is empty#when I moved to this city I had two of my best friends here with me#now I have no one#I will probably never talk to either one of them again#I lived with him for five years. we made our college plans together#and now my apartment is empty and I’m all alone and there’s no one to hear me cry#I feel so pathetic and miserable#and empty but overwhelmed all at once#I almost wish it was all my fault you know#cuz then at least I could pinpoint it I could figure it out#like oh… I’m a shitty person and I treated my friends badly and that’s why I lose them#but I’ve been the one who’s been used and tossed aside and discarded#and I’m alone in a dark empty apartment crying#and I know my old roommate and my old best friend don’t care#they’re both happy and having a good time and have not thought twice about me#and yeah. I feel pathetic#that even after everything I’m wasting grief on this#growing up my family always told me friends never amounted to anything#you had your family and your significant others and that was it you didn’t put everything you had into your friends#and I always thought that was stupid#and I loved my friends so much and I feel like I gave them so much I gave so many of them everything I had#and all I get is being alone and crying in an empty apartment#maybe my family was right I’m so tired of this I’m so so so tired#kaz rambles
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i found loads of pictures of my uncle i am going 2 cry
#he looked so sweet…..he looks SO much like my dad#i found the last picture of him that my granddad took a month or so before he died it’s so sad#trying to decide if i should tell my mum that i know about him or if i should just keep it to myself#idk if somethings wrong with me maybe it’s because i was already grieving before i found out#but it’s really getting 2 me i can’t concentrate on my uni shit i just keep thinking about it#i think i rlly need to talk about it with someone but i have no idea who or how or what i’d say. but it’s weird because it’s a secret yk#like i’m not even supposed to know he existed#idk. i have a gender clinic appointment next week and i’m going to ask if they can recommend any therapists#me being very very brave and trying therapy again after being forced into it my whole life and ending up a bit traumatised#idk. i feel bad that i’m alive and i’m wasting my life when my uncle got killed when he was just a kid#it makes me feel like i should be more grateful and do more with myself.#and i am going to try but i’d rather he was here instead. same with my granddad#every time i experience something beautiful or good i wish my granddad could experience it because he deserved it more than me#and the best i can do is experience it for him and be grateful. but i would chance places instantly if i could#him and his kid deserve to be here they were so special. i know i don’t know his kid but i’ve heard they were similar#so i know he must have been special too#i found a fb comment today from a family friend i’ve never met and she was saying that she only met my granddad once#but she called him gentle and it made me cry. because he was very scottish and sweary and traditional and masculine#so everyone just assumed he was tough and scary but if you knew him he was really quiet and kind#and i’m glad someone who only met him once could see that#i’m going to be half asleep for the rest of my life i think. i’ve been dreaming since my granddad died and i don’t feel like i ever woke up#nothing has felt real since i was nine years old. everything just stopped and never started again#i’ve just been waiting. i’m waiting for him to change his mind and come back. idk. i don’t know what to do with myself#and i continuously feel fucking insane and stupid for being this way. it’s like fresh grief all the fucking time#but it was fifteen years ago. why does it still feel this way#i can’t even tell people because they won’t understand why i’m still so bothered by it#he was my parent for nine years. i lived with him he was my sole caretaker#i was nonverbal and him and my brother were the only people on the planet who knew what my voice sounded like#he’d think it was silly if i failed my exam because i was crying about him instead#he’d tell me to whisht and stick in. so i will
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Guess what stupid comic I’m finally getting around to drawing
#wip#do not expect it to be good#like I think I’m mostly gonna leave it thumbnail-like with a few jumpscares of things actually drawn in#GIOVANNI GETTING CALLED HOMOPHOBIC COMIC WILL BE DRAWN#I WILL FINISH THIS#this idea has been cooking for like I think a year now so I refuse to not finish it#the gist is:#Gio has to present a PowerPoint on dating#Lys being an asshole as per usual#Gio crying sobbing throwing up trying to defend himself#everyone else is just living for the chaos#Ghetsis and Cy are there#they’re just not shown yet#Cy wishes he was anywhere else#Archie and Maxie make out session (them fighting)#Archie is trans because I love him#Rose got a different meaning about the name ‘Team Rainbow Rocket’#rainbowpufflez art tag
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~ ~ ~
#my dad is starting shit with me again and just continuing fights and bringing up shit that has nothing to do with anything#and even when I try to calm the situation he just gets worse and keeps berating me#I want to get out of the house but my partner hasn’t talked to me all day or even checked our message chat#so I don’t want to bother them or just show up without them saying it’s ok#not that they’d have much problem with it probably but if they don’t acknowledge it I don’t want to startle them or something#and idk what if they are mad at me and that’s why they haven’t talked to me today? or if they’re having a bad day too?#they’re not gonna want to deal with my bullshit if they’re not having a good day either#so that’s another problem to contend with#and I’m also really tired and fatigued already because of some recent health issues and just packing my go bag is wearing me out a bit#I don’t really want to pack up the whole car and drive an hour to their house after midnight when I’m already not doing great#so I know I should just stay in my room and get some distance or do my own thing until I fall asleep#but God I just don’t want to be here anymore#tbh I do kinda wanna be dead and I wish I could do something about that#idk if I’m fully suicidal or anything but it’s like… I want to make my dad see how much he needs me and I want to get a fucking break#I want someone to take care of me and worry about me for once instead of giving up everything to him#I wish I killed my self at 16 like I wanted to so I wouldn’t have ever had to deal with any of this bullshit#I sort of wish I could kill myself now just to be done with all of this#but suicide takes too much planning and hassle these days so what’s the point anyway#I guess I’m just depressed and lonely and all that#I’m sure I’ll be fine in the morning#but right now I just really wish I had someone to talk to and cry on and tell me it’ll all get better soon#personal
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Y’ALL OWE ARI AN APOLOGY!!
#Ariana Grande#Eternal Sunshine#Dalton#You raggedy piece of shit#HER CRYING AT THE END OF ‘I WISH I HATED YOU’!?#I AM SO EMOTIONAL ABOUT THIS#HIM TURNING UP THE TV WHEN SHE WAS CRYING!?#HIM CHEATING ON HER IN HER OWN HOME!?#I am EMOTIONAL#the album is so good tho 😭😭#I’m very soft rn#I need to cry about this
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I should fucking kill myself
#I have this anger and dislike towards my little brother that’s totally unwarranted like he’s 10 it’s just my issues#n whenever I feel his hatred towards him I want to gut myself like#it’s not his fault that my moms a better mom for him n that he’s not scared of her#It’s not his fault that my dads sober and present for him#it’s not his fault that my older brother is a good brother to him n has never hurt him#it’s not his fault he’s not scared of telling someone he’s hurt or of getting food#it’s not his fault he parrots all of my parents insane conservative views#but I still hold so much anger and resentment#When I look at him I see him getting all the things I never got and being free of the traumas I went through#and I know it’s good and I’m happy he’s grown up in a safer environment but I’m so angry that I didn’t have those parents#and I know he’s also missing so many things I got#But it fucking hurts seeing how loved and safe he is and wishing I had been that innocent at that age#like when he’s fighting with my mom it’s over school work n video games n then he thinks he can talk shit ???#when I was fighting with my mom it was bc she came home from work in a rage#when I was mad at my dad it was because he got drunk n came home n yelled at my mom until she was crying in a corner then left#When I was screaming at my older brother it’s because I was tired of him hurting me not because he called me a name#I’m a horrible sister to him and I hate it because when he was a baby I was so fiercely protective of him and so happy to be his sister#I watched his shows with him and kept him entertained when my parents got bad n I promised myself I’d take care of him the way I never was#but I failed n now I can barely stand being around him#like I’m such a good sister to my sister but that’s it#n it makes me feel worse about my relationship w my brother bc I know I can be better but I’m just a horrible jealous bitch who should die#screaming
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THIS IS BAD
THIS IS SO BAD
gahhh
i legit cannot tell if i am in fact falling in love
or my brain is acting up again
#*crying screaming throwing up*#grr#why am i like this#sorry#idk#vent#vent ish#i think i’m so deeply in love with him but neither of us know yet#lovesick??!#he is just like.. made for me or something idk#he is actually perfect#GOD#and the happiness he gives me#i am so terrified and so excited#WHAT AM I EVEN FEELING AHHH#i want him#i need him#he is so fucking adorable#i wish we could just spend every waking moment talking#the long calls with him are literally my favorite#he does not even know how much every little thing he does makes me so happy#he makes me feel calm and safe#i feel like i am going to get my heart ripped out#and not in a good way#PLEASE LET THIS BE REAL#LET HIM BE REAL#LET US BE REAL#GOSH HDHSJSHSKS
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😢
#class today was HARD#I was struggling a lot today tbh#and of course this new guy started working in the care team#and he’s my age or younger#I’m sure I’ve vented about this before#but I get so incredibly jealous when it comes to young people doing good#and like it wasn’t just that#we were checking in and he did his and he said ‘happy’ and I swear I wanted to walk over there and choke him#so you’re saying you have a really good job that I’m sure pays great#and you’re happy#cool cool cool#both those things aren’t realistic or attainable for me#but whatever#I’m sitting in the parking lot and not sure what to do right now#normally I’d go out and smoke and chill for a bit#but since I’m trying to abstain it’s so hard#i did a lot of crying today so my eyes are tired#but I don’t want to sleep the whole day and waste it#ooooofda I should have left sooner#this family came out (parents and daughter) and of course they’re parked right next to me#and I see this mom and dad taking care of their daughter and showing up for her#fuck me I wish I had that growing up#anywayyyyyy#if you want to tip me so I can maybe go to a store and do some retail therapy#I wouldn’t say no#for now idk what I’m gonna do probably end up asleep 🤦🏽♀️🤦🏽♀️#shut up rosie
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