#gonna be real i did not know what sword was in spanish before this

[outw4rd]

honestly playing botw in spanish (my second language i’m not very good at) is WAY more fun than playing in english. i have to pull out a notebook to translate the expository dialogue. i have to think about kass’s puzzles. i get to hear how characters sound in spanish and look forward to finding and seeing the memories again. it’s like everything is a little puzzle when you’re translating. if you’re learning a language i would highly recommend playing a video game you’ve spent a lot of time with in that language. good for learning!

[findingjoynweirdstuff]

Dream SMP Recap (March 16/2021) - Worst Day

“May the best day of your past be the worst day of your future.”

—-

VOD LINKS:

Ponk

Foolish

Tubbo

Ranboo

Quackity

Badboyhalo

Captain Puffy

—-

- Foolish continues work on the mansion.

- Ranboo goes mining and talks about his ARG plans while getting chat to gamble. It’s the calm before the storm.

---

WORST DAY.

---

- Quackity’s stream opens with a shot of Schlatt’s Grave. The sound of a chest opening can be heard.

“Alex...you know, you and I? You know I wouldn’t do anything disadvantageous...”

-

Chapter One.

-

- Quackity climbs up to the roof of Punz’s tower, where he comes face to face with Bad.

Bad: "You keep getting in my way, Quackity...”

- Quackity asks why Bad brought him up here. He tells Bad he’s just an asset to the Egg. Bad replies that he’s not just an asset -- he’s serving a purpose Quackity could never understand.

Bad: “You call it the Egg...that’s just the surface. That’s just what you think it is. It is so much more than that. It is something you cannot even comprehend.”

- Quackity asks if all Bad is is an “asset to power.”

Quackity: “You don’t know what power is, Bad, then that’s your issue. That’s why I’m getting in your way. It’s ‘cause I know the ins and outs of business, I know the ins and outs of power. And I’m sorry that’s something you’re never gonna understand yourself.”

- Quackity tells Bad to not waste his time. Bad replies that he called Quackity to tell him to stay out of his way.

- Quackity then says he can show Bad what he’s been working on: real power.

- A cutscene shows Quackity and Bad riding off into the distance, making their way to:

Las Nevadas.

-

Chapter Two.

-

- At his cow farm, Quackity finds a book in the chest, wondering who put it there. It gives instructions to follow a railway track above.

“You had the fattest ass in my cabinet.”

- Quackity follows the line down into a cave where Glatt is waiting for him. It’s...a gym? The Big Man Gym.

- Austin from Austinshow is a dead guy with Glatt.

- He can’t go upstairs or else his skin starts falling off, so he stays down in the gym with his dad.

- Wilbur goes to the gym every day in his beanie.

- Tommy also came down to the gym.

- The dead all come down to the gym to lift weights.

- Quackity asks who else is up there. Glatt says he just wants to reconnect with Quackity.

- Glatt has apparently been learning Spanish.

- Mexican Dream also comes down to the gym. Neither Quackity nor Glatt know who he is and Quackity asks if Dream’s been visiting. He hasn’t helped Glatt learn Spanish.

- Quackity tells Glatt he hates seeing him, so he’ll give him five minutes.

- Glatt gives Quackity a preposition: He wants to escape the confines of the gym and wants to be revived. He knows of a thing that exists that could help him: a book.

- The green guy who comes down to the gym sometimes has this book.

- Quackity tells Glatt he has a business venture, and is willing to offer him a bet: 

If Quackity loses, he goes to Dream and gets the revive book and gives it to Glatt to use. If Quackity wins, Glatt never gets revived and works for Quackity forever.

They agree on the bet and start walking, Quackity asking Glatt about his other adventures...

-

Chapter Three.

-

- It’s raining. Quackity is standing outside Bee ‘n’ Boo as Sam walks up to him. He apologizes for calling Sam in on short notice.

- They head into the Big Innit Hotel, and Quackity tells Sam it’s time for him to visit Dream.

- Sam is hesitant. The last visit didn’t go well. 

- Quackity says that there are issues with the prison, and that’s that Tommy died in there, and as Sam’s business partner, he wants to know Sam is reliable.

- Sam replies that his job isn’t to keep the visitors alive, but to keep Dream there.

- Quackity asks, even though Sam has Dream locked up, what stopped him from killing Tommy? Nothing.

Quackity: “He has power, Sam. He still has power. Why haven’t we killed him?”

Sam: “We can’t kill him, Quackity, he’s the only one who can bring people back to life. It’s the whole reason we put him in the prison in the first place.”

- Quackity suggests, then, that they go in, take the book from Dream and then they won’t need Dream anymore.

- Sam points out that he’ll refuse to give anyone the book, since Dream knows that’s the only reason they’re keeping him alive.

- Quackity asks that he at least be allowed to try. 

- Sam says it’s not that he doesn’t trust Quackity, it’s that he doesn’t trust Dream. But, as Quackity points out, that’s the safety issue.

- Sam still doesn’t think it’s a good idea. Quackity starts backing away from the hotel slowly.

Quackity: “So how am I supposed to rely on you for any business opportunities, when you won’t even grant me one simple visit?”

Sam: “What is that supposed to -- I assume you’ve seen the work Awesamdude Constructions has done in Las Nevadas?”

Quackity: “Yeah, but Sam, that’s...You’re good at what you do, you’re just not cooperating though. That’s what I need from a business partner, cooperation.”

- Quackity has an idea. He places two item frames on the wall with an axe and a sword and asks to bring them in with him. That’s all he needs to get the last bit of power Dream has.

- Sam is still doubting, but Quackity brings up Tommy’s death, asking if Sam is going to let Dream get away with it. He assures Sam that he won’t kill Dream, just talk with him.

Quackity: “Sam, there’s an underlying safety issue, he killed Tommy. Do you really have any control of him right now? Is there any control you have over him right now, Sam? I can fix that, I can fix that! All you gotta do is let me in and bring these two in.”

- Quackity assures Sam that he knows what he’s doing and he’s willing to do whatever it takes to get that book.

- Sam finally agrees, and they walk over to Pandora’s Vault. They enter the prison and Sam asks Quackity the entry questions:

“When’s the last time you visited the prison?”

“This is my first time. I’ve never visited the prison before.”

“Where is your place of residence located?”

“Las Nevadas.”

“Do you believe the prisoner deserves to be locked up?”

“No doubt about it, of course I do.”

“What are all your prior relations with the prisoner?”

“We don’t get along, I’ll leave it at that.”

- Quackity seals the waiver book without signing it.

- They go through the security measures and Quackity does the same with the other waivers.

- They make it to the lava wall. Sam gives Quackity some food.

Sam: “The tools you have are whatever, but...if you’re gonna do this Big Q, do it right.”

- Sam throws Quackity shears, Warden’s Will, Warden’s Hammer and some item frames. He tells Quackity to not hold anything in his hand.

- The lava lowers, Quackity crosses on the bridge and comes face to face with Dream.

- Quackity asks Dream how it feels to be in there. Must feel bad.

- He brings up what Dream did to Tommy. Dream asks what people think about it. Did they think it was cool? What were they saying?

Quackity: “What matters is the very concept of it. You have a book that can bring people back.”

Dream: “And now people will believe me!”

Quackity: “Yeah...I know you have that book, Dream. Everyone at this point knows you have that book.”

Dream: “Yeah! That’s good!”

Quackity: “I mean, depends on the eyes of who you see it.”

Dream: “Well, I mean...it’s good for me.”

- Quackity tells Dream that he wants -- needs the book.

- Dream tells him that he burnt the book. Now it’s just knowledge in his head.

Dream: “I’m the book.”

- Quackity asks him to tell him what he knows, or else. He puts up the item frames on the wall and puts Warden’s Will in one of them.

Dream: “How did you -- “

Quackity: “I’m asking the nice way, Dream, and you didn’t want to tell me.”

Dream: “You’re not gonna kill me.”

Quackity: “I”m not gonna kill you, but --”

Dream: “SAM!”

Quackity: “I’m gonna make your last days in this fucking prison hell, Dream.”

Dream: “SAM! HOW DID YOU -- “

Quackity: “Don’t fucking touch me man, alright? It’s simple, Dream, alright? You’re gonna tell me all the knowledge you have in that fuckin’ book or I’m gonna come here every. Single. Fucking. Day. To make your life hell. That is exactly what I’m gonna fucking do, and I”m gonna stick to it until you give me that fucking book.”

Dream: “I’m not gonna tell you anything!”

Quackity: “You have no other choice. If you want me here every fucking day, then you’re gonna give me the fucking knowledge on the book. I’m not fucking around, Dream, you’re gonna tell me!”

Dream: “SAM!”

Quackity: “You can scream for Sam all you want, Dream.”

Dream: “How -- there’s no way -- How did you sneak it in?!”

Quackity: “Alright, alright, you know what? There’s been enough talking. There’s been enough talking, Dream. You’re gonna tell me, or we’re gonna do this the fucking hard way for as long as we need to do it.”

- The screen fades to black.

- Quackity walks to the El Rapids poster, his clothes splattered with blood. One by one, he takes down the faces of Sapnap, George and Karl. He leaves his intact.

- As Quackity goes to the peak of El Rapids and begins to take it apart, voices can be heard in the background.

...

Quackity: “This means nothing, George, this means nothing in comparison...to a challenge to power.”

“At the end of the day, what this is is a new beginning, okay? This is a new beginning for the country El Rapids. Ready? Let’s just hit each other at the same time, ready?”

“Three...”

“Two...”

“One...”

“Yeah!”

Sapnap: “I wanna fight Dream.”

Quackity: “Step by step, Sapnap, step by step. We’ll get there someday.”

Ghostbur: “What is Mexican L’manburg?”

Quackity: “Mexican L’manburg was a little place we made next to L’manburg, to kind of commemorate...”

“It’s time to say goodbye and rename it to El Rapids, baby! Have you heard of Cedar Rapids, Ghostbur?”

Ghostbur: “Yes, I’m just chilling there! Most of the time.”

Quackity: “YES!”

...

- Quackity removes his face from the picture.

- There’s a final shot of Quackity from the back, looking at the picture...

It cuts to live-action as Quackity crumples the shot into paper, puts down a whiteboard calendar with all the days marked “Visit Dream,” crosses off the first and throws his briefcase down, spilling its contents of poker chips and a pair of scissors.

- End of stream.

---

- Bad gets a pet horse named Pebbles! 

---

Upcoming events remain the same.

[f0rever15elf]

Hello! I hope the holidays treated you well! I haven’t dropped anything in your inbox in a while. I appreciate how lovely your responses are to them. If you have time, I have another one for you. You know how sometimes you meet people who just unsettle you? Like there is something off about them? How would the guys react in this situation if you come home scared or upset? I watched a little too much true crime docs this weekend and had a hard time sleeping. Thank you!

Hello dear! They did, I had a very good time! And I hope the same to you! I’m so glad you enjoy the responses, and I hope I can continue that trend! 

Head Canon Masterlist

When You Come Home Shaken from and Encounter with Someone:

Whiskey: He’s immediately on high alert. “Darlin’? What happened? Are you hurt?” When you convince him that you’re not hurt, just shaken up, the questioning still continues. “Who was it? Did you know them? What did they look like? Did they follow you home?” When you’ve answered all your questions, and he’s certain you’re not hurt, that’s when he finally relaxes, pulling you against him and he doesn’t let go for a long, long time. It’s a tighter hug than you’re normally use to, and is that a little bit of trembling you feel? He hates the idea of anyone potentially hurting you, he can’t live that nightmare again, so for the next...long time, whenever you go out, he’s right there with you. If he can’t be, he makes sure one of the other agents can accompany you as well. 

Javi: He’s used to creeps following him around in Colombia. When you’re in the DEA and end up in bed with Los Pepes, it’s bound to happen that you end up with a tail from time to time. When it’s you that they end up following...well...that ain’t gonna fly. Immediately when you come home shaken up, he’s got you wrapped in his arms as he murmurs sweet nothings to you, telling you how he’s going to keep you safe no matter what. He’s already devising a game plan in his head, parsing out what he can do to improve your safety as much as he can, knowing that he won’t always be around to protect you due to the nature of his work. Once you’ve calmed down and relaxed, he starts gently asking questions, trying to get an idea of who it is that followed you and startled you. After that night, he’s going to insist you come with him to work more often when you can. At least there he can keep an eye on you more, putting you both at ease. 

Frankie: Frankie’s training kicks in here, and he stays super calm as he tries to calm you down. He double checks the front yard, making sure no one followed you all the way home before coming back inside and making a show of locking the front door. After that, he’s grabbing blankets to wrap around you, pulling you against him to soothe and comfort you. He’s not letting you go until he’s certain you’re alright. Once you convince him you’re ok, he’s going to be waiting on you hand and foot. A nice shower or bath to help wash everything away? He’ll add the bubbles you like too. Want something comforting to eat? He’s in the kitchen in a heart beat making whatever you’d like. Shoulders hurt from the tension? You bet your sweet behind he’s got you in front of him as he massages out the knots. Anything you need, just ask for and he’ll give it to you. Later that night, when he thinks you’re asleep, he pulls his hand gun out of the night stand, checking it over before he sets it within reach. Just as a precaution. 

Ezra: Oh he’s heated, but he doesn’t let you see it. His little gemstone needs comfort so that is what they shall get. His reaction would be different depending on where you are. If y’all are out prospecting where the danger is very, very real, he won’t be sleeping for a few days, on high alert to make sure no individuals of ill repute have followed you back to your pod. He’ll also be making regular treks out to check the immediate area for any dangers. In between, he’s got you cradled to him as best he can with his one arm, telling you sweet stories in the lovely drawl to take your attention off your fear. If you’re home, his immediate reaction is to double check all the locks before taking your hand to lead you back to the bedroom where his thrower is before cuddling up with you in the bed where he can comfort you. There, he’ll tell you stories until you finally doze off to sleep against him. He doesn’t get much sleep that night, worrying about you, and for the next few days he’s hesitant to have you going out on your own anywhere. 

Oberyn: Another who is absolutely furious. His is far more visible that Ezra, however. You know he’s fueled by a deep seated rage, and is known for outbursts at the drop of a hat, especially when someone he cares for his harmed or threatened. He’s going to check you over to make sure that physically you’re okay, then shower you with kisses and words of affection as he leads you to bed where he’s going to leave you with Ellaria to comfort you and ensure you’re safe before he heads out to find the one who unsettled you so. When he finally returns, it’s with the promise that you’ll never need to worry about him again, the problem has been settled. He doesn’t explain further, and you don’t ask, rather content to just sit in the comfort the prince provides you, knowing you’re safe in his arms. 

Din: He’s quiet, more so than normal when you show up trembling and afraid. The Galaxy is not a nice place. It’s not safe, and he knows this, but he figured this planet would be safe enough to let you wander through the market on your own. He’s going to take you up to the cockpit and sit you in his chair before going and grabbing a blanket to wrap around you, asking what happened. Did anyone hurt you? Steal from you? Threaten you? He’s methodical in his questions, asking just enough to be able to recognize who his new, impromptu target is. When he feels like he’s calmed you down enough for the moment, he’ll rest the forehead of his helmet against your own forehead before leaving you with Grogu to go and “take care of something.” He comes back not too much later. He doesn’t say where he went or what he did as he hangs up the pulse rifle before coming back to you in the cockpit, handing you some sweet treat from the market before heading to the next destination. 

Pero: How dare anyone scare you to the point where you come home so shaken. Someone will need to be taught a lesson. But he tends to you first, making sure you’re fed and comforted. Pero is a man of few words, but the things he says to comfort you, while succinct, are very sweet. Some are in English, while other are in Spanish. He knows you like the way his Spanish sounds, so he hopes that it helps to soothe you while he holds you in front of the fire. When you’re finally calmed and fed, he presses a kiss to the top of your head before standing and walking to where he keeps his swords. “Just to prove a point, preciosa,” he says when he sees the concern in your eyes. “I won’t hurt anyone. Much.” And then he’s gone, returning not long after with a satisfied look on his face. “It’s taken care of,” is all he says, before joining you by the fire again. it’s a few weeks before he lets you go off on your own again. 

Max: He can smell that asshole on you, and it makes him so angry. The way you’re heart is racing, the way he can smell the adrenaline coursing through your veins. This will not do. He’s going to check you over for physical injuries before taking you to the bathroom and running you a bath with your favorite bath bomb or bubbles. He’ll leave a glass of your favorite wine and a parting kiss to your head before offering a quick “I’ll be right back.” In a blink, he’s gone. When he comes back just as the water is getting cold, he’s got a pizza in his hands and a very chipper smile on his face. He makes a cozy little blanket nest in front of the TV, insisting on a movie night with you to help you relax. Of course, he’s going to be all over you, and it borders on possessive. You notice he’s warmer than usual, indicative of a recent feeding, and you don’t need to be a top tier detective to realize that he went out for more than just the pizza after he ran your bath for you. Oh well, best not to think about it. 

Maxwell: To be honest, out of all of the guys, Maxwell shows the most outright fear when you tell him what happened while you tremble in his arms. Especially if this happens after the events of the stone and he has very few resources to help protect you. Guilt is gonna eat at him for that, but he doesn’t let you know that. When you get home at first, he’s going to fret over you, much like a mother hen. “Are you hurt? Where? Did they touch you? Did they follow you? What do you need?” He’s going to spend the night pampering you and taking care of you, trying to keep you calm and reassuring himself along that way that you’re alright. The next day, he’s going to hand you a canister of pepper spray to keep with you. it’s not much, but it’ll help provide you both with a little peace of mind. He also considers making you his secretary for while he’s going around to meetings in an attempt to fix his reputation. At least that way he always knows where you are. 

Marcus: FBI boyfriend is going to be the sweetest, most tender of people after this happens. You come home and he methodically checks you over for any injuries before spending the night doting on you, holding you, feeding you, comforting you in any way you could possibly want. He doesn’t bring up the events the whole night, focusing on keeping you calm and comfortable in an attempt to keep off any bad dreams this may cause. The next day, he insist you come with him to the office to get a report started, just as a precaution, even if you think it might be overkill. He really just wants you safe is all, and it’s honestly really sweet. After the event, he’s texting and calling you all the time to check on you and make sure you’re ok. it’s as much a comfort for you as it is for him. 

[deafwestnewsies]

be my first last kiss

You can plan on a change in the weather or time, but you'd never planned on him changing his mind.

jack kelly x davey jacobs

read it on my ao3!

Earnest to goodness, Jack Kelly was going to murder Racetrack Higgins.

No, Anthony Higgins, this was the sort of thing that makes you pull out the tarnished christian name of a friend (or so you thought) you’ve known since he was toppling over on baby-fattened legs. Anthony Higgins would die by the sword of Jack Kelly.

He just had to get this godforsaken Youtube video filmed first.

You’re doing this for the cash, Jack grumbled to himself as he passed through the metal doors of a nondescript building on the Lower East Side- it was the kind of place being slowly taken over by hip and fun corporations promising Asian-fusion bars and eco-friendly thrift stores while edging out the relic businesses built on the backs of immigrant dreams. Jack couldn’t stand areas like this, the air thick with wasted luxury, so he rarely left the barrio. Why would he? Spot Conlon slept in the bedroom next to his. Katherine Plumber and Sarah Jacobs ran the bookstore that bought his baked goods and sold them for decent money. Medda lived down the street with her plethora of children, and Racetrack still beat the known path, doing tricks on the street corner for spare change and internet views. Davey- David. David Jacobs wasn’t there. It was right where Jack wanted to be.

Much unlike the dim studio where he now shuffled his feet, waiting for the perky young PA with bright red streaks in her hair to come back with further information about the video he would be shooting. Jack wasn’t a stranger to this small production company; He participated in a few Youtube videos back before they had millions of subscribers, he played truth or dare with lots of liquor and a complete stranger, he confessed about the first time he fell in love so it could be put to pathetic music.

Cash where you could get it, right?

“Kelly, right?” Cherry Streaks was back with a vengeance.

“Jack, actually,” he corrected.

“So you’re going to stand over there where the little blue X marks the spot and wait until the producer, Adam, starts asking you a few questions. The first one might be a test for our boom guy. Answer honestly, we can pretty much tell when you’re making up a story by this point. After that, the main part of the video will begin. Got it?” She was pointing wildly with a Number 2 pencil that had previously been stuck through her ponytail, and she smelled faintly of jasmine. Jack felt dizzy.

“Wait, I thought this was one of those ‘Choose who’s the best kisser out of ten strangers’ type of deal?” I mean, that’s what Race told me- oh God. Oh Santa Maria. Oh Saint Francis.

The young woman smiled like she was keeping an excellent secret. “Have fun, Jack Kelly.”

Walking off at her ominous dismissal, Jack stood where he was directed. The fluorescent lighting made him sweat under the knowledge that he had virtually no idea what he was doing there, Race had lied to him so that he would participate in some sort of sick, horrible scheme, and for all he knew, behind door number three could be his third grade teacher with a baseball bat and a basic multiplication grudge.

“Jack! It’s nice to see you again.”

Romeo was walking towards him with that easy gait Jack had memorized so long ago- Romeo had shot the original videos on an Amazon tripod and the unfounded hope of human connection, and now he owned the entire shebang. Jack dropped his tense shoulders to give him a warm smile. “Romeo. Boy, am I glad to see a friendly face.” Jack lowered his voice to a stage whisper. “You’ve got a production assistant who actually does work, so I’m assuming we’ve died and you earned a really nice deal in Heaven?”

Romeo barked out a laugh. “If I’ve died, do not resuscitate. I’ll never be able to look at another bodega meatball sub after cooking food bought in a real grocery store.”

“Rub it in, why don’tcha?” Jack punched the shorter man on the shoulder. “Listen, Romeo, you gotta tell me what I’m in for, a buddy totally sold me out for the cash and I have no clue what this project is gonna be like.”

Before Romeo could respond, a tall, lofty man behind the camera cleared his throat. “Darling? We’re ready to begin when you are.”

“Jack, meet Specs. Or Adam, but we all know how well nicknames stick. Specs, this is the old friend I was telling you about.” Romeo ended right above Specs’ elbow, and it was all Jack could do not to laugh.

The man fixed his thoughtful gaze on him. “It’s nice to meet you, Jack. You’ve got a real presence on the camera. Have you ever considered acting?”

“I’m afraid I’m, uh,” Jack flexed a paint-stained hand. “Strictly canvas, as they say.”

Nodding as if that was a phrase people commonly used and not something Jack invented on the fly, Specs then clapped his hands together. “Folks, let’s film this sonofabitch.”

---

“I’m Jack, and I’m a twenty-four year old artist living in New York City.”

“Have you ever been in a relationship?” Specs questioned from behind the camera.

Jack blinked in surprise. “Sure. One throughout high school, another in college and a little bit beyond. I wouldn’t call myself a heartbreaker or anything.”

“Do you stay friends with your exes?”

“One of ‘em, yea. It was more of an amicable thing, you know. She ended up being a lesbian. And I am… not.” His clumsy fingers tugged at a constricting collar.

“And the other?”

“Just because I’m not a heartbreaker doesn’t mean I can’t be a real asshole sometimes,” Jack nervously chuckled. (Davey had laid out rose petals, for God’s sake. Rose petals.)

“Was this girl the high school girlfriend, or the college one?”

“Boy,” Jack quickly corrected. “Man. I guess. He was in college- four and a half years.” (It took him four days to clear away the rotting flowers, the bleeding color slowly seeping into his carpet. Katherine found him delirious with whiskey on the bathroom floor; Sarah couldn’t bear to walk through his front door.)

“How’d you meet him?”

(He twisted in his high-backed blue chair. “It’s habláis in el presente.”) “Freshman year of high school actually. Spanish class. Funny story, actually, that other girl I dated? His sister. Broke her heart for his. He was so mad at me that we didn’t talk for like, months after.”

“It was six and a half months, actually.”

Of things Jack was expecting to see today, Spiderman was more likely than David. A flash mob singing death metal, maybe. Pigs flying through the polluted air.

“I was told to come in. I now see why.” David’s eyes narrowed behind his thin wire frames, different from the heavy Ray-Bans that he had dedicated himself to sophomore year of high school. Jack hated that he looked older, wiser, and all around… better.

Specs cleared his throat before the bewildered set of men (one more angry than the other, both desperately avoiding eye contact) could demand what sort of sick joke this was. “Can you introduce yourself?”

They broke up on a Tuesday, an insignificant, momentary Tuesday. Fourteen months ago. (Yes, fourteen months, like their terrible split was a baby that Jack was nurturing bit by bit. He refused to round down- fourteen months ago, he left David Jacobs.) So when David ran his thumb across his jawline, a nervous tick older than his younger brother, Jack couldn’t fathom why he felt so relieved. Some things never did change. “David. Jacobs.” David’s jaw flexed as he looked into the camera. “I dated Jack for almost five years.”

“Tell us about your other relationships.”

“Unfortunately, I spent the better part of high school and college pining after a total cocksock. Not a whole lot of time for casual dating in between.”

A deep silence permeated the studio as two boom mic operators swapped awkward glances. Jack didn’t attempt to defend himself- he was sort of a cocksock. David Jacobs had asked him to uproot what little life he had in New York and move to Santa Fe for a prestigious, so-accolated-you-could-cry medical school, and Jack Kelly broke up with him over containers of kung pao chicken and scattered rose petals. He was a cocksock, a dickhead, and complete asshole. An ex-boyfriend of mass proportions.

“Okay, so.” Specs was wiping at his glasses with the tail of his shirt. Jack wanted to snap them in half. “Today’s video is entitled ‘Exes kiss for the first time since their breakup’. If you need more explanation…”

“I think we’ve got it.” David snapped, clenching his fists rapidly.

Jack stepped half an inch closer to David and began murmuring under his breath. “Davey, if you don’t want-”

“Don’t call me Davey.” His eyes were alight with flame- Jack’s chest caught fire.

Of all the things that felt domestic when dating Davey Jacobs, kissing him never managed to become routine. Davey kissed like he earnestly meant it. The gears in his brilliant mind would grind to a halt so he could dedicate himself to the lilting curve of Jack’s mouth, a gentle sweep of warmth when the artist’s mouth was otherwise preoccupied with his needless words, and the world would spin on a delicate axis. (Jack’s shoulders rose to meet Davey, the physical ache of being someone’s other half drawing him forward. Davey had avoided him for so long, Jack living on a diet of lingering stares and a brief touch of the hand, that kissing him felt like a dying man knelt at a replenished well. How did they exist for so long without this innate knowledge of the universe? Could he stand to go on a single second longer without the praise of Davey Jacob’s lips?) Of all the things Jack missed about spending his life with Davey Jacobs, kissing him was certainly one of them.

There was a moment where the pads of Jack’s fingertips brushed the nape of David’s neck, a habit borne from the small noise it would draw from the back of his throat, and the steely corporate floor felt more like the worn carpet in the old thirty-second street apartment. Jack could feel his thready pulse with the gentle press of a thumb.

Davey was a fan of the dramatics- he would pull away from a passionate kiss in the middle of a busy New York street to stare into Jack’s eyes, foreheads gently touching and cheeks furiously blushing. Now, he simply drew back. Took a step away. Swiped at his lips with the back of his hand.

Jack felt like he was falling. (“If you ever break up with me,” Jack began. He laughed at Davey’s unexpected shudder, the honest and visceral kind. “Make it quick.”

“What about when you break up with me?” Davey peered over his glasses.

Crinkling his nose, Jack quickly answered before the other boy could detail any breakup preferences. “I’m not an idiot, Dave. ��M not going anywhere.”)

---

He stared at the limp fifty dollars in his hand. Romeo had apologized, explaining that the people who had organized this got half the cut, and handed them both an envelope- Jack, one with “Tony Higgins” that he planned to run through his shredder, and David, one with “Sarah Jacobs,” which made Jack gawk in disbelief.

Jack didn’t want to walk away; David’s feet were shuffling against the worn pavement.

“It’s funny,” David started. “I listened to a lot of Taylor Swift to get over you.”

He winced. “Sorry?”

“Please. I know she’s been your top artist since 2013.”

(Katherine walked through a worryingly unlocked apartment door. “Is that... Begin Again? Jack, what the fuck are you doing?” She had seconds to worry about the cluster of wilted flower petals her heel had put a hole through before Sarah pointed at the pair of legs sticking out of the bathroom’s entrance.) “Yeah, okay. Fair. But… funny? Did I miss a joke?”

David closed his eyes to roll them, as he so often did when he was trying to be polite, and it hurt to be on the receiving end. “We just had our last kiss. You know, like-”

“I’m Joe Jonas?” Jack interrupted, bewildered. The semi-glare he received in return was all he needed to know- “Right. Dickhead. Listen, Dave- David, why didn’t you tell me you were back in town?”

There was a brief moment where something unrecognizable flashed over David’s face- pity? Regret? Dejection? It was quickly replaced by a soft smile tugging at the edge of his lips, his eyes glazed over with a practiced professionalism. “I’ll see you around, Jack. Have a good day.”

David turned and walked down the street, and Jack just missed the passing moment he chose to look back.

---

Comment on EXES KISS FOR THE FIRST TIME SINCE THEIR BREAKUP by IncredibleKinsey: those two dudes are all mad and then just make out like that????? yeah okay call me when the wedding happens

[princess-cordelias-writingblog]

Your Dark Side Pt.6 (Void!Stiles xReader)

A/N: This is a mix between the actual events and what I had to fake to make the story have sense lmao I wrote a lot and probably next part would be the last if I decide to just make a really big chapter instead of splitting the thing in two, hope you enjoy it!

Warnings: Bit of violence, bit of blood/ Didn’t proofread cause i just wanted to put this out there in the midst of the chaos.

Words: 2,058

@all-alone-he-turns-to-stone @nitnat6245​ 

Part. 5 // Part.6 // Part.7

When his mom died, Stiles thought that there would never be a more terrible feeling than grieving. In a way, he was right.

But there was something else, perhaps not worse, but definitely just as blindly, as sickening as the despair of losing someone. 

His heart was broken, but beyond being sad, Stiles felt nothing but red, hot anger.

Anger towards himself, and towards the darker shadow he kept within himself, the void.

When they were around thirteen, Y/N asked if he liked someone and he’d immediately replied ‘Lydia Martin’, with that matter-of-fact voice he used to make whenever someone asked a silly question. It had been true as well, he did like Lydia Martin, why wouldn’t he? The girl was smart and pretty, it was a jackpot.

Then, as he grew up, he noticed that his answer was slowly shifting, almost as if someone was whispering in his ear to look closely, notice the little things. All of a sudden, his answer was no longer Lydia, his answer had two bright eyes and your lovely bed hair after a whole night of watching horror movies.

He decided to wait, you obviously didn’t know he liked you but perhaps, some part of you would feel it on the way he’d take you home last so you can spend five more minutes together, you would feel it on the way his hugs would linger a little longer on every birthday and his presents would hold far more meaning on Christmas day.

He waited for you to ask once more, ‘Hey, who do you like now?’ so he could finally answer ‘I love you, Y/N’.

That was his mistake, he waited, and waited, taking for granted that you’d know, that you were just being kind, giving space and time because things were just too crazy and werewolves were a thing, and now all of you were in the middle of chaos.

He never thought you’d be feeling so... alone. It hurt him to find out, it hurt him being trapped inside his own body and watch while Void told you sweet lies and cruel half-truths, but it broke him more to see you already thought those things.

He had spent years protecting you from the supernatural, keeping you safe because you were the only thing that calmed him after the madness and if you were to get hurt he would lose his freaking mind.

You didn’t know those things, because he never told you, he waited far too long for your question, instead of just giving in and appear at her doorstep holding offering his heart loud and clear for you to take, cause you loved him, you loved him.

“Well,” Melissa’s voice brought him back from his misery, “clinically you seem okay... you’re definitely a real person” She laughed nervously.

Stiles nodded weakly.

“Okay so, I’m real... but am I really me?”

Scott walked into the room looking terribly serious, Stiles sat up, a dreadful feeling in his chest.

“Is she here?”

“Yeah”

“Okay, let’s do this,” Melissa and Scott stared at him worryingly. “Guys, we have to do this,” He insisted.

He walked into the living room only to be met by the same woman he’d seen before, a few hours prior.

“Do you recognize me?”

Kira ran into the room, but her mother stopped her.

“It’s okay, I’m the one who asked her to come”

“You’re the one who’s going to get stabbed with swords! Mom, don’t do this to him!”

“It’s already done.”

The Oni appeared in front of him and held tightly to the side of his face. He felt the scorching sensation behind his ear and fell sideways as the figure vanished. Scott ran over to him and he heard some muffled voice saying to check his ear.

“It worked,” Scott sighed.

“So, I’m actually me?” He grunted.

“More you than the Nogitsune.”

“Can the Oni find him?”

“Tomorrow night, it’s too close to dawn now.”

Stiles shook his head, the anger coming back as sudden and strong as before.

“Can they kill him?”

“It depends on how strong he is.”

“What about Y/N?” Scott asked. “Do you think she... you think she’s okay?”

“She is,” Stiles said abruptly. “He was feeding on her, on her feelings... He needs her”

They didn’t respond to his comment. No one had asked him yet what had been going on during the time Void took them away. Stiles wasn’t completely sure. He remembered her feelings, though. Vivid emotions flowing through her to feed Void’s greed. Just thinking about it destroyed him, they were all so heavy, so... dark. She gave away her desperation, her fear, the hatred and resentment she felt towards all of them, Stiles would never forgive himself for hurting her at the extend, he would never, ever forget what she felt all those years, it was all his fault.

“Stiles,” Scott said. “We should take you to your dad... I bet he would love to see you’re okay”

But Stiles didn’t deserve to be okay, he didn’t deserve to have his body back, not when Void was still using hers because of him, because he cared about him so much that she would do anything to keep him safe. Anything, because she loved him.

He had felt that too, during that glorious second that it was to gain control over Void because he was losing strength and hadn’t fed off her spirit.

She looked at ease, so calmed against the pillow. She was cold so he’d decided to put a blanket above her body.

A frantic thought came to his mind, maybe, if he was fast strong enough he could take her back, he could save her... but what if he didn’t have enough strength? What if Void took back in the middle of the run and decided Y/N was going to pay for it?

His eyes then landed on her phone, and the rest was history, but the second he touched her skin, that warmth and tenderness were back all of a sudden, and she smiled against her touch, because deep in her mind, somehow, she had recognized him.

It took a whole kidnapping and some demon to confirm that they were much more than just friends, perhaps even soulmates.

Yet, he wasn’t happy about it. All Stiles could feel was shame, hopelessness staining his heart as every minute wasted only dragged him further away from her.

–––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––

“Tell me the truth... How much does it really hurt?”

It had been a whole night with no answer about Y/N whereabouts, and it was driving him mad. The worst part that he didn’t only felt like dying, he was dying. He knew it, but how could he complain when Y/N was still out there, being used like nothing?

“They have her,” Scott got up. “Stiles, the girl from Eichen House... they have her”

–––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––

“I don’t know where she is,” Lydia huffed, looking at Meredith. “You’re better than me at this, I know you can find her!”

“I don’t,” Meredith tilted her head.

They had been talking to Meredith in Scott’s house for over ten minutes, and they were losing their patience.

“Listen,” Stiles leaned over. “There’s gotta be something, a feeling, a place- Whatever you can find for us would be great!”

“But I can’t find her,” The girl replied quietly. “She’s sleeping.”

“What do you mean?” Stiles turned to Lydia. “What does she mean?”

“I guess she means to what we’re feeling,” Lydia said thoughtfully. “I... I can’t see Y/N, but I can’t perceive her either, it’s like she’s... like she’s fading”

“Okay but,” Isaac said lowly. “Maybe she’s not really trying?”

“What do you mean?” Lydia raised a brow.

“We could, like, convince her somehow?” He said with a meaningful voice.

“What?” Stiles frowned.

“I’m just saying-”

“Isaac, we’re not going to torture her.” He stated.

“I mean scared her!”

“We’re not going to psychologically torture her either!” He exclaimed in an angry whisper.

“Fine!” Isaac hissed. “How about this- You said she hears things, right?” 

“Yeah?”

“So she’s like you? A Banshee?” He turned to look at Lydia.

“Yes, that’s the whole point of this,” Lydia rolled her eyes.

“Okay, let’s try again, shall we?” Stiles sighed tiredly. “Just focus on the silence, listen to the silence- If you can sense her fading, you can tell me from where she’s fading, right?”

“Isn’t anyone going to get that?” Meredith asked abruptly.

“Get what?” 

“The phone,” She pointed to his pocket.

“The phone Stiles,” Isaac insisted, nudging his arm.

“Oh, yes!” Stiles took out his phone, “My phone... Hello? Yes! She’s actually sitting right here...” He felt stupid, but he was stupid, so he kept going. “It’s for you!”

Meredith took the phone casually.

“I can’t believe this...” Lydia scoffed, starting to pace back and forth behind them.

“They say, coup de foudre.”

“Coup- Wha- Is it... Is it Spanish?”

“It’s french,” Scott walked in. “It’s French!”

–––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––

He was better.

“Okay, I’m gonna say it!” Isaac sighed. “You look like you’re dying.”

He was dying, but he felt a lot better!

“You’re pale, thin and you look like you’re getting worse.”

Every single part of his body felt like it was being skinned, but he was alright!

“We’re all sitting here thinking it. When we find the other you is he gonna look like he’s getting better?”

Stiles had no idea, but he hoped the bastard would be suffering as much as he was.

“What happens if he gets hurt?” Scott inquired.

“What do you mean? If he dies do I die? I don’t care... Just as long as... as no one else dies because of me”

He really didn’t, he kept reminding himself that he had it coming, for not being honest with Y/N, for letting her fall further and further away. For allowing Void to feed on her heart.

“I remember everything I did, Scott,” Stiles admitted. 

“It wasn’t you-”

“Yeah but I remember,” He held tighter onto the steering wheel. “You have to promise, you can’t let anyone else get hurt because of me. Especially Y/N.”

“She did it cause she cared about you”

“I didn’t care enough,” His voice faltered, “I didn’t- If I had, she’d be here with us, she’d know that I... We need to find her, Scott.”

––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––

Y/N didn’t know where she was, but it was soothing. 

She felt no pain, no grieve, the darkness couldn’t scare her anymore. Her mind was acting sort of funny, though. It was almost as if she couldn’t think, and whenever she tried to remember, or speak, a buzz would take over and it was just too annoying, so she stopped. 

She didn’t feel like she had a body either... she knew she was inside one, but it... didn’t quite feel like it was hers. She couldn’t smell, and she couldn’t see, it was merely just existing.

“You know,” A familiar voice talked around her, coming from the walls. “They coming to find me, to find you. They’re going to try to kill me,” The voice laughed. “They’ll be surprised once they take a good look at you... oh yes, we’ll keep them busy”

She drifted once more, not even sure she was alive.

––––––––––––––––––––––––––

Kira, Lydia, Allison, and Isaac watched as something vanished from the woman’s hand.

“What is that?” Isaac breathed. “What does that mean?”

“It means there’s been a change in ownership,” Void spoke from behind their backs.

The group turned around quickly, facing their rival. Stiles- No, Void. He was standing right in front of his personal army, calm as only a fox could be.

“Now they belong to me,” He smirked. “Just like her...”

He stepped aside to let the girl walked forward, she was looking down in fear, perhaps ashamed of her actions.

“Y/N,” Allison sighed. “It’s alright, we came for you”

“Y/N?” Kira tried to step forward, but Lydia suddenly grabbed her arm.

“She’s not Y/N,” She said, voice shaking.

A soft laugh erupted from Y/N’s chest, almost sounding like a monstrous growl.

“Save me?” She chuckled, lifting her head so the group could stare back at her void of color eyes, a milky white covering them completely. “Who said I want to be saved?”

[ick25]

Rockman.EXE Axess Episode 1 Review.

Presenting Rockman’s new Style... Change.

I can’t promise that I am gonna review the rest of the episodes of Axess nor will I make it very long since I have already stated that this is my least favorite season, but this Corona Virus situation is already driving me crazy so I might as well vent my frustrations here.

Fun fact:

This season never aired in Latin America so I had no idea that there were more seasons beyond the virus buster episode. I watched it in English thinking that it was an episode from the first two seasons that I missed, it started with the same made up intro from the last season, but to my surprise the episode opens in Net City, something I don’t remember ever seeing in previous episodes, and then I saw Megaman’s art style and my confusion became excitement right before I heard the English dub the made me cringed so hard that it almost ruined the show for me, until the writing did that later on. (But I like Rockman’s english voice, it’s kinda hot n.n)

Episode tittle: Cross Fusion!

The episode opens with Rockman fighting two Navis at once in the Net Coliseum, and I’m already loving the art style and how they don’t show his face during the battle until Netto’s voice tells him that he already got their battle pattern. It was like they were saying, “ It’s him! it’s the Rockman you know and love after so long! And he looks slightly shinier too”!

 BTW, I’m watching this with Spanish subs, that were sadly not made by yours truly.

Anyway, Netto sends the long Sword and the Yo-yo chips that appear with a new cybernetic themed background and... WOAH WOAH WOAH! TWO DIFFERENT ART STYLES IN THE SAME EPISODE?!

You thought I wouldn’t notice?

Not even five minutes in and this episode is already hitting me with inconsistent art to save in animation, which wouldn’t be so bad if it wasn’t noticeable.

Rockman defeats the two Navis and returns to Netto who gives us but a glimpse of the new PET design before the tittle card appears.

But worry not, for the next scene shows us what the Advanced PET model looks like with this short and kinda lame commercial.

“Believe in the heart of the chips”, it’s the vibe I’m getting here.

And I also never thought it would be possible for the Spanish subs to write something dumber than “Plug-in your heart”. (It’s roughly saying, “Do plug-in into your heart”)

We then join Netto skating with Meiru on her scooter who is basically shaming him for acting weak in his battle until the end, and do you see something wrong with this image?

That’s right, good ol’ Rush is there on Meiru’s scooter for no reason, except to remind me that Rockman will never materialize in the real world like him.

Then they bump into Chisao, yes, Chisao, who wastes no time in telling the audience that Dekao is in Jawaii for some reason.

What little Mr. exposition forgot to tell us is why is he there instead of Dekao.

Netto and Meiru invite Chisao to go with them to Scilab, which is now gonna be a very recurrent place, to deliver a bag to Netto’s dad who is in Japan working on something, and once he’s done he’ll go back to abandoning his family to travel the world. 

He is working on a top secret experiment, so everyone is of course invited to watch it.

These are Officer Mizaki and his Navi Prismman, who are not gonna be important until very later in the season where they’re affected by this show’s equivalent of drugs, but right now they are gonna remind us of the dangers of human trials.

Eguchi Meijin makes a comeback, since the last time we saw him he was making a late advertisement for Battle Network 3 in episode 51. He tells Netto and the others that the experiment is called Cross Fusion and that it is the next step after the Virus Buster episode where Dr. Hikari brought a bunch of cyber data into the real world, which is bringing a Net Navi into the real World through its operator’s body? That was already possible without the human body!

What is the purpose of Cross Fusion then? Other than to turn the series into a superhero kind of show for western audiences.

There is no real explanation of why they want to do this or why Cross Fusion is the only way to achieve this purpose. Why not simply materialized the Navis like in the last episode? You can’t really argue that it was the viruses intervention that made this possible, because a “good” scientist would try to reproduce this result without risking the life of a human being, there certainly must be other ways to do so. 

It seems that the only excuse they have is that Netto’s dad was not aware that this event happened because he was asleep during the entire episode, and if Netto never mentioned it even once.

“I wanna risk my life too since that experiment reminded me how cool it was when Rockman materialized back in Jawaii when your Dimensional Core program was corrupted by viruses, so I would most definitely die just to see that happen again.”

Dr. Hikari: O_O

Yuichiro obviously denies his son’s suicidal request but just then, viruses take over Scilab, and the room they are in is locked down with the ventilation system sucking in the air giving them 15 minutes before they run out of oxygen.

We cut to a commercial break where we see a spoiler of Netto getting his wish right after his dad said no.

It’s just Rockman with a different outfit design and brown hair and eyes.

As per the norm, Netto and Meiru plug-in their Navis with new animations that are gonna be recycled since they changed the art style once again.

Rockman and Roll are sent into the computer via infrared beams and we see that the computer is full of Mettools and Spikey viruses, while showing us Roll’s bum for some reason.

I feel robbed, I want my Rockman butt shot!

Time to change the art again.

Here is something new that I like, they are now showing how the Mettool viruses can block shots.

This probably means that these are high level Mettools since those are the ones that block attacks in the games.

I also like how they get creative with the chips they use like the Aqua Sword.

Even Roll’s Aqua Tower looks more powerful.

You almost feel sorry for those viruses.

They even make the Black Hole, a chip I find pretty useless in the games, look epic.

Or maybe I’m just not using it right.

They keep running out of air, and once again Meiru has to show that she is the weakest of them all by fainting right before Roll is attacked by a Fire Dragon virus. Netto’s dad catches Meiru and manages to plug-out Roll just in time so... Oh, hmm, that doesn’t look right.

It would be fine if she was his daughter, but that isn’t the case so it just looks wrong. Adult men shouldn’t be holding little girls like that! O~O

Rockman then avenges Roll with another cool Aqua Sword animation.

https://66.media.tumblr.com/0ee15af9e77ae94c845bcdf6895629db/tumblr_n3ipukz8hC1rzkxhio8_250.gifv

Sometimes screen shots can’t do a scene justice.

More Spikey viruses appear and the culprit is then revealed, a new Navi named Savageman AKA Beastman.

Stop holding her like that, it’s weird!

Rockman attacks him with his cool Aqua Sword move, but he only deletes the Spikey viruses around him. Then he uses his Rock Buster and starts shooting at Beastman who isn’t affected by any of them.

I’m sorry? What Beastman is saying here is that to him, Rockman is just a puppet being controlled by a human, showing us that the anime is once again differing from the games, but I’ll talk about that later.

Netto hears that they only have 3 minutes left of air and decides to destroy what we learned from the first season by suddenly making him an expert on Program Advances without the help of the Aqua Custom Style, this time it’s the Z- Cannon or Zetta Cannon.

I honestly like the new animation for the Program Advance, every time Netto inserts more than one chip they appear as little blocks piling under each other until the third chip comes in and pushes the first block up. This easily shows how the chip programs are compatible with one another since that is how a Program Advance is activated.

The Program Advance seems to be effective as Beastman logs out, the computer is back to normal, the room opens up again, and the day is saved... Or so we thought!

This is were the episode starts to feel a little rushed. Right after this we get another mysterious figure who clearly isn’t the Navi we saw watching Beastman’s performance just a couple of minutes ago.

First episode and we already have two more bad guys introduced? And to make things worse, this second villain shoots some type of missiles from outer space that surround Scilab and traps it inside a Dimensional Area.

Yeap, that’s right, the Dimensional Area Netto’s dad is still working on has somehow ended up in the wrong hands, and they made it even better! Because get this, not only does it allow viruses to materialize in the real world, but Navis as well! Cross Fusion has already become pointless! However, the show doesn’t see it that way.

The Mettool and Spikey viruses, along with Spark Bees this time, begin destroying Scilab. Since they are all inside a Dimensional Area, Netto remembers what Meijin said before and decides to go try his luck with Cross Fusion to save everybody, and runs downstairs to get a Synchro Chip.

Considering that Cross Fusion is still being tested, would this be considered something brave or very stupid?

Netto encounters the Mystery Navi from before who is stealing all the Synchro Chips, and tries to Ash Ketchum his way into stopping him.

Seriously, what is it with young shonen protagonists and trying to attack a powerful non human antagonist face on?

After that failed attempt, Shademan calls Beastman who also materializes to destroy what remains of Scilab while he runs away with the Synchro Chips, except for two chips that he clumsily drops when grabbing them all with one hand. Netto sees the chips and decides to use them to fight Beastman, and what surprises me here is that Rockman doesn’t really object to this despite knowing that it could be dangerous, and he has always been seen as the smart one.

Obviously, Cross Fusion is a success as we get the typical anime transformation sequence, but to be honest, I’ve seen better.

No, the first statement is more accurate. This is a fusion.

And this one too.

Two different characters that merge together to create an entirely new being that shares traits from both predecessors.

No, in fact, It is not Netto turning into Rockman, it’s just Netto in Rockman’s clothing. The only difference here is that Netto fights more aggressively than Rockman.

Except for that time Rockman stabbed Stoneman in the eye, he never really maims anybody.

After this, Netto tries to use a Battle Chip but forgets that you need a PET for that, a PET that disappears somewhere after Cross Fusion. So he decides to use the Rock Buster, but since they’re in the real world, the buster gets a super boost that sends Netto flying, with the shot leaving a hole not only on the building, but on Beastman himself.

So... I love seeing shots of Rockman’s muscular body, but when you give it to Netto it just doesn’t work for me because you know his body doesn’t look like that, making this feel out of nowhere. 

Also, “Flipante”? I’m pretty sure these subs are from Spain because they use a lot of words that I’ve never heard before.

Since Beastman was maimed and mortally wounded, he runs away, the Dimensional area disappears an the episode ends with Netto back to normal with his PET reappearing again, him fainting, Rockman calling out to him worried that he might be dead, and an aerial shot of a partially destroyed Scilab.

What do I think?

Well, if you read my previous post, “The problem with Megaman NT Warrior Axess”, you already know my main issues with this season, starting with how different it was from the first one.

Like I mentioned before, Axess never aired in Latin America so it took a while for me to realized that there was another season. I got used to watching reruns of the first season over and over again because of how much I loved it, and after I watch this episode for the first time, in English, I was very, very confused at the end. I immediately felt that something was wrong, that the show was gonna be  different and I wasn’t sure if it was gonna be a bad thing or a good thing. It turned out to be both because the writers couldn't settle on a tone for this new season, so I was ambivalent from beginning to end.

I’m just gonna mention the good things. The general animation is way better that the majority of the episodes in the first season, the new visuals give it a more cybernetic feel to it which goes perfectly with the theme of the show. Roll and Meiru do more in battle, even though Meiru is still the weak girl character that needs to be saved by a big strong man, ew. The new PET design and the infrared beams they use to send the Navis into the Cyberworld is much more futuristic than the cords from the previous season that are vulnerable to being cut, which, again, is very fitting to the theme, as well as the animations when inserting chips and activating P.As.

The idea of Viruses and Navis materializing in the real world is revolutionary, I just don’t like how it is set up.

The Advance PET was introduced in Battle Network 4, while Beastman appeared in Battle Network 3 as a World Three Navi and having an operator named Inukai. Here, however, Beastman is a solo Navi that is called a Darkloid, and instead of being man-made, Darkloids are portrayed as A.I beings that were spontaneously created from...Bug frags, I think? Yeah, that’s another thing I don’t buy from Axess. 

The mystery Navi is Shademan who was introduced in Battle Network 4 and is in fact a solo Navi, but he was created by Dr. Regal, the other mystery character that appeared, but Shademan is also a Darkloid here.

Say what you want about Forte and Gospel, but their origins are purely man-made and make sense, and even if viruses and bug frags are also man-made, having something instantly created out of Virus remains doesn’t make sense unless a higher power is involved, which hasn’t really been specified in Axess.

If you are one of the few people who read my posts, I appreciate your support and are free to share your opinions too.

[ohpretty-baby]

bts as my sophomore class teachers

a thread because i miss my teachers lowkey

anyways enjoy <3

first hour: ap seminar with kim namjoon

super philosophical 

is a fanboy for rosseau, calls him the original gangster

intimidatingly intelligent; like reads 3 books in one day and writes two papers on them intelligent

constantly connecting foundational thinkers/texts to real life situations (ex: echo and narcissus and selfies in social media)

makes you feel like a bad person by questioning your moral motives

there’s never a dull day in his class

seriously

one time we spent the hour evaluating billie eilish’s bad boy and that one “sweet but psycho” song and talked about double consciousness

the next day we did a full 180 and talked about mass burials

then we talked about the refugee crisis the day after that

extremely thought provoking conversations

gives you independence, which is a double edged sword because everyone in ap sem procrastinates

wants students to exceed not only in his class but also outside of school

my irl ap sem teacher helped me figure out that i wanted to go into a career of law !

also an extensive librarian (hence the ability to read 3 books in one day)

if you have the slight interest in something, he has a book for it

i literally have 8 books checked out from my school library because of him

gives you complete and honest ratings of r rated movies and posts them on your schoology board

not afraid to be scandalous

“now everyone say it with me: premarital sex!”

that was something my irl teacher said, that day we shouted out premarital sex about 15 times with the door wide open

amazing music taste

literally

he listens to anything and everything, from french rap to spanish pop and then english folk songs

will dj for your graduation party for free

second hour: honors english with min yoongi

insanely calm, probably just very sleepy

easy going, chill

you really don’t feel pressured in his class

people goof off in class and are generally very annoying, but he doesn’t care

occasionally lectures students if he really needs to 

communicates what we have to do and then lets us do the work

lets us fail if we’re not responsible

but will understand if you can’t turn in a project if life gets in the way

i still have a project i need to turn in oops-

i haven’t received any negative repercussions tho

lets kids eat in his class and lets them go to the vending machine if they have no food

i go to my locker every morning to get food to eat

eats with us

lets you use your phone and watch netflix

will even ask you what show you’re watching and if it’s good

actually a really good teacher if you pay attention in his class

kids just think they can slack off, they end up failing tho so it’s really none of his issues

for some reason he’s a substitute teacher for a lot of classes

when he subs, the classes are extremely fun 

one time i spent my whole sixth hour talking to him about my costar and astrology

goofs off with the kids

that same day he subbed, my friends were making panoramas of each other and he rated all of them

isn’t strict

cares about his students and is very easy to talk to

because of this a lot of students open up to him

isn’t a snitch

would willingly make fun of classic literature with you

third hour: honors chemistry with kim taehyung

Super Sassy

always gets the last word when students mess around with him

“what’s your favorite double replacement reaction?”

���my favorite ones are the ones you guys get right; so none”

as you can guess, students love having conversation with him

probably has a dope ass instagram but damnit he won’t let accept anyone’s follow requests

probably because that’s illegal

constant Bad BItch energy

will openly tell students they are annoying without shame

will also openly tell you that you are dumb

once i thought that we had four principals (one for each grade, don’t question it) and my irl teacher was speechless,, like she couldn’t actually say anything at my stupidity

i would willingly sell my soul for my chemistry teacher

always has labs to do, even if they’re not very helpful at times

lets students retake tests by creating a new test 

but they’re actually harder than the actual test

students skip their own classes to visit him

i always skip my 6th hour to go into the chemistry

constantly has to chase away students

actually very sweet and cares about students, but is never really a push over

again, a constant Bad Bitch

fourth hour: honors spanish with kim seokjin

an even Bigger Bad Bitch

super fun and sassy

fiestas!!!!!!! 

we have fiestas but literally the only Spanish thing we have is chips and salsa and tacos

i’m not kidding

people just bring in cake pops and brownies

will sometimes teach a whole lesson in Spanish just to fuck with us

will also try to hold a conversation with us in Spanish just to fuck with us even more

loves seeing our shocked and confused faces when can’t answer his questions

actually teaches us

gives a lot of busy work but i honestly think that’s the better ways of learning and practicing Spanish, so there’s no complaints

engaging lessons, encourages us to make mistakes so we can be comfortable with the language

veryyyy helpful with pronunciation, makes sure that we know how to pronounce certain words

super trustworthy

once after school i spilled tea with my irl spanish teacher about a messy breakup i had gone thru, it was real fun

we have a theory that one of the senior teachers has a crush on her because he always visits her when he comes to our class

really good teacher but heavily overestimates our ability

especially when it comes to tests

but will admit his wrongs when we don’t do well in class

literally the best friend you wish you had

fifth hour: ap world with jeon jungkook

literally really pretty

really funny and sweet but his class is hard

not because of the extensive work and the fast pace, but because he doesn’t prepare students enough for saqs, dbqs, leqs, etc.

we still love our ap world teacher bc she genuinely cares about us

teaches an ap class but has never taken an ap class in high school

still teaches even tho he’s sick and his own students have asked him to stay at home so he can feel better

really fun discussion activities, like fishbowls

always drinking tea with a cool ass mug that has all the presidents of the united states on it

wears really cute clothes and coordinates colors

but sometimes will just pull up in pajamas

either way he’s Stylin

makes sure that students know that he doesn’t believe in racism and communism

always tells his students to take care when they say goodbye

draws LOTS of smiley faces

sometimes more confused about the content then the students are

but genuinely kind and hard working, even if it takes him 3 months to grade papers

sixth hour: theology with jung hoseok

confusing lectures

will talk about persecution in rome and then switch the topic onto blts (yes, the sandwich) and then talk about male circumcision

really goofy

deaf

talks very loudly because he takes his hearing aid out during lessons

honestly a really confusing teacher

a lot of people don’t like his teaching style, and neither do i, but it’s not a hard class so there’s really nothing to complain about

you really just need to read the slides in his class to pass

gives out homework but never grades it

i never turn in homework,,, 

i get a’s on his test and he just gives good grades for every homework assignment

honestly just really sweet and funny even when he tries not to

talks with his hands way too much

will take selfies with you if you let him

constantly asking for validation from his students

“is my teaching style ok? i know it can be confusing but i really try with making lectures funny so you guys won’t be bored”

can sometimes be annoying but everyone loves him because he just doesn’t make sense

literally the best class to do other homework in

sees students as his friends

once we had a public discussion online about our concerns of the coronavirus instead of actually learning about theology

i said that i was worried that i’d die of the coronavirus before i got a boyfriend

he replied to my comment saying “1. you are killing me ! :) 2. i’m sure that you have a lot of secret admirers, so the boyfriend thing is covered, they just need to figure things out. remember maturity happens at different stages for everyone.”

even though i don’t like his class at times, i know i’m gonna miss how crazy he is

seventh hour: honors geometry with park jimin

Sweetest, Softest, Most Pure of all

gives out candy during tests

but not just any candy

the really good strawberry candies that grandmas always have and never run out of

sometimes the lessons go by too fast but yet too slow at the same time

a Literal Grandpa

doesn’t let kids say “shut up” or “dumb” in his class

claims that he doesn’t even say “shut up” to his own kids

always reminds kids that this is a No Judgement Zone

rewards students who answer challenging questions with little stand-up signs that say “Expert at Work” or “Rockstar” that they can put on their desk

will buy or make little stockings that spell out the initials of the high school

brags about his kohl’s cash

once bought a $50 scooter for only $5 dollars because of his kohl’s cash

stays after school for two hours to reteach lessons to students

takes little strolls around the school building with his friends during lunch

Mental Math Mondays

mondays are when we play mental math card games with the whole class

lets kids make their own card games

will ask if you’re okay if you look sad

will also ask if you’re okay if you look sleepy

asks kids to be patient with him when they have a confusing lesson to teach

wIll thoroughly explain everything to the best of his ability

definitely has never done anything wrong

this made me genuinely miss my teachers even though i hate school with my whole entire heart, soul, and mind! anyways love u guys

[mintytrifecta]

Someone That I Used To Be chapter 2

Chapter 1:https://mintytrifecta.tumblr.com/post/618489689649840128/someone-that-i-used-to-be-chapter-1 AO3 Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22818781/chapters/55016005#workskin Guess I messed up His first mission was to stop something dubbed "The Mississippi Purchase". Apparently the Spanish treaty to put their goods and trades in the area outraged enough people that a war started over the area. Napoleon made a move to protect land sitting on what is now known as Mississippi and caused even bloodier battles. Yellow fever mixed with bloodshed mixed with hate and distrust led to greater wars and much less development in technology. Dakota was part of the group sent in as undercover agents to be seated in Thomas Jefferson's governing party. He was the one who brought up the idea of offering the purchase and in turn, less bloodshed. Which surprisingly worked and went successfully. Until it didn't. Coming back into the fixed future, Dakota scanned in to find records of his mission, but none were there.The Agency he was part of never existed. Which means, neither did he…Dakota freezes for a moment before regaining himself.Well, no matter. This could be a clean slate! A new beginning. Dakota did the best he could to ignore the weight on his chest. Guess I made a bad call Dakota had been in the Bureau for a few years now. Gave himself a complete makeover and change in personality.Yet he couldn’t find himself removing his glasses. The only artifact left from his timeline that he possessed. It wasn’t particularly special, just another pair of sunglasses he got during one of his missions and decided to keep, he told people. He doesn’t know why it means so much to him. He heard his stomach rumble. 'Enough thinky time more feedy time.' Vinnie ended up wandering into the time vehicle operations facility. Wasn’t today the test for new recruits or something? Eh who cares he’s hungry and wants a burrito.Upon entering a vehicle he found it was occupied. The person sitting there looked suspiciously familiar. And had terrible taste in lollipops. But I have no idea After a shortcut through some dinosaur ages, Dakota and the person in the car he was in arrived at their destination.Twenty first century Danville. His food-buddy started ranting about how what he was doing broke code and rules for how time vehicles should be used and how he should follow these rules as if anyone working for the Bureau gives a damn about the rules aside from rookies and judges. And then he found kids in danger. Well we can’t have anyone dying when we’re nearby now can we?(It wasn’t until he met the kids, years into the future, that he realized why the boy’s smile had been so hauntingly familiar) (it puts a weight on Dakota’s chest) What I could have done different Turns out his food-buddy is his new time travel partner. Dakota inwardly cringes at his first impression. God, this won’t end well for him. Surprisingly, Food-buddy er- Cavendish doesn’t rat him out. Dakota opens his eyes and shakes hands with his new partner. One little choice Dakota sits up in his bed, early in the morning. One small action He realizes where he knows Cavendish from. One coincidence of thought He killed him. And the lights went out. Dakota fumbles with his glasses in his hands, unable to bring himself to go back to sleep. He stands atop the Bureau roof, watching the pale glows of electrical illumination below him.  If he were in his original time, something of this magnitude would even be imagined.The brightest of people would have never seen this beauty.Yes, to one from a world like this one it would pass as a regular night.  But in a world unlike this, the glow of the lights and technological wonders seem almost like magic. How fortunate, Dakota thinks, that humanity has the gift of imagination. The eerie darkness of the stars above give comfort, as well as doubt. No matter what timeline, the stars never change. If Dakota tells his child self he finds comfort in stars, why he’s sure the child will laugh at him. But he can’t help it.The stars served him as a constant reminder to keep wonder in his life. To never go back to living carelessly. To have empathy. Dakota sighs. What if, he thinks, what if one day he travels back in time; what if one day the stars go out. What will he do then? He’ll be left unguided, alone, with no light left. He doesn’t want to be who he was. He’s changed. Or so he hoped. I never thought Dakota did his job without a second thought. Who cares who got hurt as long as he finished the mission. Things really die As Dakota did more and more time traveling missions, the heavier he felt. It never really dawned on him what he's done. Oh how he wishes he could take it back. Not in real life Dakota remembers how he and his friends would try to fantasize a better land for themselves. One where they didn't have to cower in fear, one where they could all be happy together. So why does he feel so agonized now that he's there? In real life He avoids Cavendish for a week after they met. He couldn't look at him anymore. It makes him want to vomit. There's no such thing as ghosts. Dakota can't touch firearms anymore.The mirrors know this and mock him with familiar faces. I am not a hero Dakota tried hard not to mention anything to Cavendish during their time together, but he found it progressively harder to keep his mouth shut. I am not a movie star Dakota smiled at his partner going off on another tangent about how famous they'll be once they complete a big mission. Vinnie lets his smile fall for a second after he realizes that Cavendish was famous before the timeline changed. He took that dream away from him. Dakota brings his smile back after Cavendish asks if he's okay. I am not a genius, I know Ask Dakota and he'll tell you Cavendish is the brains of the duo. He's figured out things much faster and better than Dakota ever could.Ask Cavendish and he'll tell you Dakota is much smarter than he lets on.  I am not a monk Dakota seldom finds himself getting mad. He considers himself even-tempered and flexible.So when Cavendish and Milo almost get caught by the pistachions, Dakota does what he rarely ever does. He snaps and tries to attack. He'll deny any accusation of breaking down the night after. I'm not special Dakota doesn't know why he does it. Why keep sacrificing yourself for just one person over and over again.He tells himself, Its Cavendish what're you gonna do? He tells himself, Anyone else would have done the same.He let's his mind drift off to the Island. Do any of the Dakotas there regret what they've done? I'm the same as anybody else Dakota screamed at the judges. In his fit of blind rage he let's it slip he's changed the timeline without authorization .

Dakota and Cavendish are sent back to the 21st century. The weight on his chest is back. You and I Dakota and Cavendish.Cavendish and Dakota.That's how they're remembered. Their friends think they're inseparable. Dakota thinks they're fragile. We were always a mess The day Cavendish left him to find the alien ship was one of his worst days. He didn't know why he left. Or to where. A creeping feeling in the back of his head told him that Cav found out.

Dakota didn't sleep that night. Drinking our bourbon The day they came back from Octalia was one of his proudest. They found Cavendish and helped save an entire planet for God's sake. The party they had lasted for hours.Dakota didn't leave his side. Screaming in the streets. They went back to their jobs at P.I.G. and tried explaining what happened. Block only laughed and sent them back on their mission. Dakota has never heard Cavendish as angry as he was then. When I saw you coming It gets close to the date he killed him. Ice and rage in your eyes Nightmares and anxiety seize him day and night. I put on my Armour and my shield Dakota wasn't going to be deterred. Cavendish had enough to worry about anyways. And raised up my sword He shut himself in and cried.  Not once did he tell Cavendish why. I am not a hero He killed people! I am not a movie star How unforgiving is that! I am not a genius I know Why did he go through with it?! I am not a monk Dakota screams. I'm not special The weight on his chest gets harder and harder. I'm the same as you Tears spill. And you Cavendish bangs on the door, demanding to be let in. You were there too  You drove that train Dakota grabs his hair. Right through my heart Blood splattering on the ground. You Pale dead eyes. You were there too Dakota dries his tears. You drove that train He comes out and they don't speak about it. They don't say a word until the next day. They pretend everything is normal. He wants to scream. Right through my heart Dakota leaves their shared space for the day. But I guess it's time He comes back late at night. To put that to bed He enters their house without knocking. But I guess it's time Dakota sighs. To let the dead be dead "Hey Cavendish? We need to talk."

[rustybutterknife]

I kinda want to know more about Lydia and Hazel... their names just go really well together? also lesbians? (btw what does hazel look like? lowkey want to draw her)

Okay okay okay! I haven’t finished the full concept drawing, but this is Hazel!

Her hair is pastel pink, and she’s got green eyes!

Anyway, onto the headcannons!!

So Hazel!!

She’s basically the embodiment of pastel GF

Her aesthetic is a mix of harajuku, kawaiicore, Lolita, and kidcore.

She’s just,,, bubbly baby

She likes anime!

Her favorites are Sweetness and Lightning, Sailor Moon, and Ouran Highschool Hostclub!

So onto her and Lydia!

When Lydia first walked into Spanish class on her first day, she met eyes with Hazel and her heart immediately went “!!!!!!”

I guess her teacher must’ve known that Lydia would’ve liked her before she did because she was seated right next to her

They started talking, Hazel trying to explain to her what Spanish class was usually like, what the students were like, and half of Lydia listened. The other half was just straight up 💞💖💕💗💘♥️💓

Lydia got pretty settled in after about 2 or 3 weeks, and got used to how everything worked. Even then, she couldn’t get used to Hazel. Every time she saw her felt like the first time seeing her. Just pure bliss.

Little did she know, Hazel felt the same way. She just didn’t know if Lydia was The Big Gay™ or not. Oh honey.

One day, Hazel complained about how she couldn’t understand the unit and Lydia offered to help her study. Of course, they studied at Hazel’s house because they can’t exactly study at Lydia’s. (Thanks, BJ.)

After Lydia tells her parents that she’s going over to a friend’s house to study and gets permission, they head to her house.

They head inside, Lydia meets Hazel’s parents (they’re very sweet) and younger brothers Mason and Dallas (4 and 7), they head up to her room.

It’s… very pink, to say the least. Anime posters everywhere, stuffed animals on shelves, little accessories carefully put away, cartoon strawberry sheets.

It’s very… her.

And Lydia loves that.

So they get to studying, which lasts about maybe 20 minutes or half an hour before Hazel asks if she wants a snack.As a thank you for helping her, and because she wants a snack too. Lydia says “sure,” and she yeets down to the kitchen.

When she gets down, she’s gotta give herself a little pep-talk.

“Alright, Hazel. There’s a cute girl in your room. She’s helping you learn Spanish. She wants snacks, so you gotta give her snacks. Quick, what are some good study snacks? Apple slices? Panda cookies?? Iced tea???”

She does a little dance to pump herself up, punching the air dramatically and just shaking her head all around.

She brings up all of the above on a little tray.

(It’s peach iced tea, in case you guys are wondering!)

Lydia’s just kinda sitting on the bed, looking at all the stuff in the room and messing around with the hem of her skirt.

They continue studying, enjoying their snacks and drinks. Eventually, Lydia mentions the fact that her and her mom used to have little tea parties, and how she used to dress up in a little tiara and feather boa.

Hazel is about to ask her about it, when she says “You know, there are things I wish I could have told her when she was still alive…”

Hazel just. Freezes. Quick, think of words!

“Like what?”

Smooth. Real smooth.

She immediately face palms.

“Sorry, that was rude-“ “no no, it’s fine! I like talking about my mom and stuff! It helps to keep her memory alive, you know?” “I guess so…”

they sit in awkward silence.

“I kinda wish I could have came out to my mom…”

YES!! SHES GAY!! Inappropriate time to celebrate, but yes!! Gay!!

“Oh… I still haven’t really come out to my parents, if that makes you feel any better?” “Oh, what are you, if you don’t mind me asking?” “I’m bi…” “oh cool, I’m just… a plain ol lesbian.” Lydia does jazz hands for added effect.

Hazel chuckles, putting her hand on the bed. Lydia rested her hand on top of hers, smiling and blushing. Hazel put her free hand on Lydia’s cheek, and leaned in.

Lydia leaned in as well, and…

They accidentally bumped noses. Damn it.

They immediately pull away before falling into a fit of giggles and try again. It works this time.

After a little while, they clean up and put everything back. Lydia waves goodbye to Hazel and gives her a little kiss on the cheek before leaving.

When she gets home, she’s got a bounce in her step that she hadn’t had since before her mom was diagnosed.

She’s giddy, and humming as she settles in at home.

At dinner, everyone looks at each other for possible answers while Lydia is just smiling, enjoying her dinner. She’s unusually nice to Delia. Not that she hasn’t been nice to Delia since they came to terms after the wedding. But she’s… a lot nicer than she usually is. It’s sickeningly sweet.

Everyone eats in silence for a few minutes before Charles decides to break it.

“Are you alright, Lydia? You seem unusually happy. Delia, can you take her temperature?” “No no, I’m fine! Really!”

Barbra joins in from where she’s drying the dishes as Adam washes them.

“Oh, I think she has a case of the L-word!” “Lesbian!” “Juicebox, no, she means love…” “oh!! Yeah, that makes more sense.”

She doesn’t tell anyone until later at night after Charles and Delia have gone to bed. She sneaks up to the attic, and tells the Maitlands she has something important to say.

They immediately drop what they’re doing, and ask if she’s being bullied. They’ll ask BJ to help, and they’d look the other way. She laughs and says no, she’s not being bullied.

“Oh, then what is it?”

She’s quiet for a moment with a huge smile on her face before she says “I had my first kiss today!”

They’re immediately gasp and celebrate with her. Barbra and Lydia are bouncing up and down in excitement (but gently so they don’t wake the Deetz’s), Adam’s trying to give Lydia pointers on what to do on dates. She’s just happy chirping and flapping her hands.

She doesn’t tell Beetlejuice until later, and his reaction is exactly as you’d expect.

“You know if she breaks your heart, I’m gonna make her shit herself in fear, right?” “Please don’t…”

Once it’s official, they go on little dates!

To the park, ice cream shops, the mall, and to a little bakery between their houses!

They’ll usually get macaroons and a couple of cupcakes, then sit on a bench outside, holding hands and eating their snacks while just enjoying each other’s company.

Soft GFs,,,

When it comes to birthdays, anniversaries, and Valentine’s Day? They go all out.

Once, for Valentine’s Day, Hazel got Lydia a sword. A full working sword. She decorated the sheath with little bat and black cat stickers.

Lydia almost started crying, because now she could make the “is she... ya know... *sword swinging motion* a lesbian?” Joke.

(Also it’s a sick ass sword that she keeps next to her bed. So she sees it when she first wakes up and thinks of Hazel, also because she can threaten BJ with it.)

In return, Lydia made her a basket with stuffed animals, her favorite snacks, those cat ears that move with your emotions, a few pairs of fuzzy socks, and a sweater that Barbra helped her make.

She wears it all the time.

In conclusion, they’re baby!

[purplerose244]

All I want for Christmas

Here’s my present for @yellowmagicalgirl!! Hi, I’m your Secret Santa 😎 Here for you a Jlaire Christmas fic hurt/comfort with some fluffy moments, I hope you have a nice Christmas ❤❤ A special thank to @toa-secret-santa for this wonderful event, I enjoyed a lot writing this! 😊

Enjoy!! ^ ^

Here the fic on the AO3

So… his girlfriend was late.

Nothing to fear someone would say, maybe you arrived too early some other would say, take the hint and move on Jim Lame Jr. a third person would add – or that was just a remaining of Steve’s high school reign of terror into his head. And then there was him, who was in a relationship that had survived high school, Trollmarket, Darklands and the end of the world – twice. Who trusted this girl like few other people in the entire world. Who knew to be have been stalling for half an hour at this fancy restaurant, constantly looking at his phone to make sure he was in time.

The waiter was giving him such deadly eyes he couldn’t help but scratch his chest looking instinctively for his amulet, just in case. Only to pet the cloth of his jacket. The Glamour Mask was definitely a powerful item, turning all of his mighty half troll figure into his skinny old self. As much as it felt good to look human again, he could help but feel off. He never truly liked appearances, and lying to himself was ridiculous. Just for tonight, though, he promised himself not to be overly existentialistic.

He could sit on a chair of his size! The wonder!

His phone started to ring, his heart fluttered hoping to finally get a word from Claire. Nope, just good old Tobes. Four minutes late now. Eh, maybe he was getting paranoid.

“Hello?”

“-Jimbooo!! Merry Christmas!-”

“Tobes you said it this morning already. Right at midnight, remember?” Not his ideal alarm, with all the danger faced until now he had become pretty good at waking up automatically with his sword out – poor Bagdwella woke up only to faint right after.

“-Can’t I say it twice to my bestest friend in the world? Aaalso Nana may or may not want me to check in and make sure the sweater she made for you is big enough. She kinda took the cookies hostage so… Merry Christmas, please tell me the sweater is good!-” Jim giggled. How could it not? Somehow his tough troll skin could still melt under the fluffiness. One of the best presents he got all day, even though it was a tough fight against Blinky’s book, a handmade historical volume with all his adventures as the trollhunter and Jim Lake Jr., and the other trolls’ effort to build him a statue like the ones in the Hero’s Forge back at the Trollmarket – out of scratch and garbage, but still heartfelt. Also Claire’s was still left…

“It’s perfect, tell her I say thanks.” The music in the background sounded different from usual, it was definitely not Ms. Domzalski’s usual eighties Christmas movie. More like some kind of Rumba lesson. “Are you guys dancing?”

Toby made a disgusted noise.

“-Just Nana… and Varvatos.-”

“For real?!” Boy did he miss stuff from Arcadia.

Even from the phone he could hear the light shrug.

“-We have our Akiridion friends for Christmas, apparently they don’t know what it is and that is unacceptable. Apart from the geezers’ love show it’s kinda fun you know? Aja has spent a full hour staring in awe at the decorations and Krel is at his fourth hot chocolate. Tried to stop him, kept shifting the mug through all his four arms, the sneaky genius.-” He sighed, but in a playful tone. He was definitely happy to have those two at his home – maybe even Varvatos. “-You’re at the restaurant, dude? How is the Christmas going for you two lovebirds?-” Right on cue his smirking voice appeared, of course. His own fault telling him about all the planning he did for this night – even though there was no way to hide something like that from him.

Jim stared at the empty spot in front of him, sighing.

“Claire’s not here yet.”

“-What?… she’s ten minutes late, what’s going on?-” That was a great question. “-I leave you all alone in New Jersey, see what happens. Do I have to put up a new three rules plan? Like back for the double date?-”

“Not sure how to prove your method since that time I basically went on a date with Morgana.” The implications of that night could still give him the creeps, and judging from Toby’s whine it wasn’t just him. “I’m sure it’s nothing. Besides, she can take care of herself.” There wasn’t even much danger hanging around, only a bunch of goblins and that warrior thingy they threatened away a while ago – now it was a Wizards’ problem.

“-If you say so, I guess I’ll leave you th- Luug for the last time, stop stealing Chomsky’s wife, she’s not a toy! She would be in any other place but not in this house!-” A happy barf came from the phone. “-Well, gotta scram. Say hi to Claire, for me! And to Blinky and the others!-”

“For sure, bye.” Call ended, still no sign of his girlfriend. Everything was too quiet, this fancy place was moved just by polite whispering and some light clanks of the stools. The waiter passed by his table, giving him a very annoyed and questionable eyebrow. “Huh, scusa, sorry, five more minutes?” The man sighed in the subtlest way and nodded, leaving him to his empty table.

Jim started to bump his fingers over the present for her, the red wrap almost mesmerizing to look at. He peaked at the phone. A quarter of an hour. He felt like he was on the verge of the ‘maybe I should send a message’, but couldn’t shake away the ‘I’m definitely I’m exaggerating’ feeling. Or maybe he was just hungry. When they started to plan this special night Claire had insisted to come to this specific Italian restaurant, ‘La Gialla Ragazza Magica’, saying there was something on the menu that she thought even his troll tongue might appreciate. It was certainly a nice thought. His first normal date at a normal place in a while, with his not so ordinary girlfriend.

Who was… peaking at the window? All covered in mud?

Jim jumped on his feet, the chair falling down. Right when their eyes met he saw the faintest tears forming, and his heart broke right there. The moment she tried to escape he was already running, probably bumping the famous waiter who broke in a few furiously whispered Italian curses.

Who cared? He didn’t. Nothing else mattered.

It had snowed a couple of days prior, now the streets were covered in white wonder. He almost slipped a couple of times but didn’t slow down. It was just a matter of showing her how serious he was. Because there was no way she could outrun him, Claire knew it well. That was why, as soon as they stumbled in an old forgotten park, hidden behind a bunch of dry trees ready to be taken down, she slowly stopped, panting softly.

Jim did the same, exhaling just one breath before scooting closer. Her tearful eyes blocked him.

“It’s nothing, I promise.” She immediately wiped away her tears.

“Claire what happened?” An attack? Another enemy? The guilt for waiting impatiently was starting to burn his stomach. He approached her cautiously, like she could run away again if he tried a rush move. “Was it the knight thingy again? Someone else?”

“No one attacked me Jim. It’s… it’s not important.” She took a bench and sat on it, looking at everything but him. She could be so stubborn sometimes. Even while wearing a purple dress covered in mud all over the gown. Even while having a lavender coat with one shoulder unstitched. Even while holding for dear life against her chest a silver bag with a blue ribbon. Even while biting her lip just to hold everything for herself.

Jim sat nearby and smiled at her, gently taking her face between his hands. It was weird again, seeing his human hands. Like nothing had really changed after all.

“I don’t really like how this not important is making my girlfriend cry. Should I beat him up?” Claire rolled her eyes, even if a little grin escaped her lips. “Ah, there, that’s better. That’s all I want for Christm- Oh my gosh, old overused Christmas songs are prophetic, what do you know.” He gained a giggle, the night was getting wonderful already. He slowly took her hands, bringing them together, cold and shaking. The bag softly drifted against her chest. “Alright, spill.”

Claire sighed, looking better, leaning into his hold.

“It’s stupid, really.”

“If you’re involved then it’s definitely not.” She shrugged, eyes down, still looking unsure. “Come on Claire, don’t make me speak Spanish to you, you know I can do that!” Ah, a snort. He was definitely going in the right direction.

“Please spare me from such painful experience.”

“Then you know what to do, chica loca.” Every single one of Senor Uhl’s harsh lessons was worth it just to hear this laugh, a wonderful sound able to turn the cold winter just a little bit warmer.

Claire looked down at the present, her smile slowly fading into disappointment.

“I just... I struggled a little to find the perfect present for you.” Claire Nunez getting this late for an event? “I already made something for you like a month ago.” Oh thank goodness, now the world was in balance again. “But the more I thought about it the silliest it looked and...” She grunted, frustrated, crossing her arms over her stomach, the bag in the middle. “I don’t know, I freaked out. And then I come to this exotic restaurant with all the atmosphere, with my boyfriend all elegant and a present ready on the table that is definitely gonna be amazing and...” Claire whined, giving him a smile. “You just have to make everything special for me, do you?”

Jim winced, scooting closer, a little wary.

“You don’t like that?”

“I love that. Makes me wanna do something in return, and this is what happens when I try.” She sighed, looking down at her gown. “… I was trying to find a spell for making you human again.” Jim couldn’t help but gasp, looking at her in disbelief. “I know you’re seeing everything in a better light now, I know you’re embracing your new life and you’re okay with that. It was supposed to be for one night, tonight, instead of using the Glamour Mask.” Claire’s eyes fell, the faintest bags underneath. Just how long she studied for that? “But I failed, none of the spells I tried had worked, not even after I sneaked some of Merlin’s old books.” A natural scowl took over her face for a moment, forever marked as a reaction to that name. “I’m sorry Jim. I wanted to give you the best Christmas after all you’ve been through, and now…” She took the bag between her hands, her wet cheeks vivid under the streetlights. Shook by the disappointment and the hatred.

But oh, if Jim cared about that awful guy right now. There was absolutely nothing that could distract him from this wonderful warm feeling taking over inside, challenging winter for supremacy and winning without a sweat.

She did it for him. For no one but him.

Jim hugged her, waiting for her surprised hands to lean on his back. If there was something good that truly came from his transformation was how life had became so much vivid. All of his senses were hyperactive, capturing everything around him. The pinching caress of the winter breeze, the chatters of citizens excited for festivities, the Christmas lights so painfully beautiful, the mouthwatering smell of doughnuts in the streets.

And her. Her scent, her voice, her touch.

“I love you.” Her sweet, gentle shiver as words took place into the air. To the point even Jim was forced to acknowledge them. Right. He never said that before, such an obvious yet fundamental thing. Right now it felt just right.

Claire pushed him away just to look into his eyes. In her brown irises there was astonishment, wonder, awe. Love. So much love, blossoming in her smile. And in her laugh.

“Took you long enough.”

Jim grinned. Right, he couldn’t even gather the courage to ask her to prom, let alone the l-word. She was simply one step ahead, and he would had not taken it any other way.

“You just have a quicker pace. I’m catching you, always will.” Or maybe she was willing to wait for him to speed up. That was what he thought, when she took the Glamour Mask off his face for just a moment, his blue fuzzy face in full view in the Christmas night. She was ready to make sure he was seen, was welcomed, was close, like right now when she kissed him so gently with her cold lips, the caress of a snowflake. Making him forget who was troll, who was human, and what actually mattered outside this moment.

When Claire pulled away, lips beautifully red and lucid, the regret was still apparent into her eyes.

“… I’m sorry it didn’t work out. I really wanted to give you something special tonight.” She put back the mask, smiling weakly.

Jim tenderly caressed her cheek.

“You wanna give me something special? Please let’s get to our table, I’m pretty sure one of the waiter is already done with me.” She arched an eyebrow in confusion. “… I came an hour earlier to make sure I was on time. Kept stalling the entire night.”

Claire giggled, the lights got brighter.

“James Lake Junior, are you for real?”

“Hey, I’m allowed to be nervous the night of Christmas for a dinner date, especially if my girlfriend is late!” She rolled her eyes but nodded nonetheless. “… maybe you wanna go home and change? Or we can just forget about dinner, if you’re not in the mood anymore.” The last thing he would had wanted was upset her, especially after knowing how much she had worked on this.

Claire gave him a look. She eyed her dress, smiled slyly and traced the outline of the spots with her fingers. She whispered something, her eyes turned purple for a moment, and the mud came out of the cloth falling on the snow.

“I like this dress, thank you. Also I’m starving, shall we?” She extended a hand towards him, smiling softly. Glowing as soon as he took the invitation. Right, no chivalry with this sorceress, Claire could be her own knight with no problem.

Getting back inside the restaurant proved to be a little less problematic than he expected, he wasn’t sure if it was his inerasable reservation, the present he left at the table kinda like a placeholder, or the beautiful lady by his side. They simply managed to avoid the waiter’s very obvious irritated expression and take place. The atmosphere was already different, as one of the musician started playing some Christmas song at the piano.

Jim was distractively playing with a toothpick between his fingers, without missing Claire’s worried glance at his present for her. He sighed.

“Look, how about we just get this over with? So you can relax a little.” She hummed slightly then nodded. He pushed the bag towards her. “Here. I hope you like it.” Claire smiled and started unwrapping, try to peak inside as soon as a hole appeared. When it was finally uncovered she gasped with glee, looking at the brand new edition of Romeo and Juliet in her hand. The cover was white with black roses at the edges, a single red bottle under the big title.

“Oh Jim, it’s beautiful!”

Jim grinned, keeping a sigh of relief for himself.

“I know you left your copy at Arcadia, so I thought why not?” He took his time to admire this theatre kid getting lost on her world. “There’s a little note inside.” And thinking about how much sleep he lost just thinking about those three lines almost made him yawn on the place. When she looked at his dedication, right next to the first chapter, he could almost hear her thoughts reading out loud.

Back there I was your Romeo, you were my Juliet

Today, together, we’re our own happy ending

I love you, Claire Nunez

JLJ

It didn’t rhyme and that sucked, it was the first conclusion he came to when he had finished the thirtieth draft. But when Claire’s lips gingerly touched his once again, with her standing up without caring for the attention, he couldn’t help but feel overly proud about himself.

Claire looked tearful again, and so happy.

“I love you too.” She went back to her seat, looking at the book with adoration. “Thank you, it’s perfect, this is just… perfect.” Her eyes went down again, as she warily gave him the present. This honor student had always took her most important assignments very seriously, going for a second option was probably painful.

Jim took the bag. It felt very light, and kinda soft. A sweater? A scarf?

“Claire you know if it’s coming from you I already love it, right? Like, it would be physically impossible for me to hate something that you bought for me.”

“Then there’s a problem, since I didn’t buy it.” She just gesture for him to get it over with.

Jim frowned, opening the bag. And there it was, red, white, fluffy. A big Santa hat made of wool, clearly handmade, with a precise texture even if a little loose. It had a little bell on the top that made him smile when he shook it.

“This is adorable, you made it yourself?”

“Well, yeah, but I did get some lessons from Lucy through webcam.”

“Who’s Lucy?”

“Aja and Krel’s adoptive mom or something, Toby told me about her as soon as I explained to him what I wanted to do.” Of course Tobes knew, that guy was everyone’s connection. “It’s just a little something, and it still came out a little amateurish… doesn’t really compare with this.” Her hands were still on the book, down but still so happy.

Jim smiled at her.

“What? You made this for me, this is the best! Let me try it… what…” He should had not notice probably, as his thumb slipped into a hole of the hat. “I-I probably shook it too hard, sorry!”

But Claire shook her head.

“It was there already. There are two holes actually. I put them.”

“Why would you…” As the second hole was revealed, and the realization of how perfectly placed the entrances were from each other, Jim gasped. “… oh my gosh. Oh my gosh, it’s a Christmas hat with holes for my horns. You made me a hat with space for my horns!” How he wished he could erase the expression of uncertainty from her face right this moment, but the joy was too much for him to do anything. Just imagining her careful fingers tracing the cloth and making sure to leave that little particularity was enough to leave him speechless.

Claire was worried. But she was also really, really smart, and Jim was most certain he was crying some happy tears while dealing with this bright shock of joy.

“… so you like it?”

“I love it!” He smiled at her. “Thank you.” He put it on, without caring how disproportional it looked over his human head – for the first time ever he couldn’t wait to go back to his troll appearance. He tried to reach her over the table, his hand met hers midway and their fingers intertwined.

Her eyes were so bright and full it was almost too much to look at.

“You deserve this and so much more. You know you do, right?”

Jim shrugged, tracing her knuckles.

“Well, I’m not asking for anything more but this.” How messy and chaotic were their lives to enjoy just a simple breath while holding each other’s hands like this? Little they cared. Jim might have been content with just being like this for a few hours… but he was also hungry. Troll hungry. “Now, this is a really nice place, but what do I eat exactly?”

Claire took the menu and smirked, like she was expecting that question.

“Puzzone di Moena.”

“Come again?” She giggled.

“It’s an Italian cheese, produced in a city of a specific region of the North. You can translate the name as ‘Moena’s Stinky’, very characteristic for its very strong smell of… feet.” She pointed at one of the main dishes. “Here they make the gnocchi with a sauce made of that cheese, I thought that you might like this one. Just so you can have a nice meal in a neat place with me.”

Jim didn’t even know how to deal with this. He just took her hand again, warm and soft, looking at her amazing girlfriend with the strongest wish to let her know how much it meant to him.

“I love you so much.”

Claire held back, smiling brightly, like she knew exactly how much.

“I love you too.” Because she felt exactly the same.

[whenimaunicorn]

Can I have #25 - "I'm sorry I'm not what you prayed for" with Finan?

This prompt is just perfect for a Caribbean Era of Piracy AU!!

It could have been beautiful. The waves rolled gently intothe shore, the water a striking, crystal-clear green in the shallows thatsoftly transitioned to a deeper and deeper blue as I looked out into the seemingly-endlesssea. It looked so peaceful now, but I had learned that I could not trust thatcalm. The horizon stretched flat and clear in every direction I looked, today. Wispsof white clouds formed islands up in the sky, but nothing interrupted thedeeper blue of the ocean that surrounded me on all sides.

I had spent the first day walking the perimeter of the beach.I had hoped to reach a settlement of some kind, if I just walked the coast farenough. Someone who could tell me where that terrible storm had left mestranded. But when I reached the wreckage of my own ship again by mid-afternoon,I realized the island I had washed up upon was extremely small, and entirelydeserted.

It would be two weeks before Father might receive word thatmy ship had not reached Kingston. Perhaps the merchants with whom he had bookedmy passage would be missed a little sooner, or perhaps no one expected themurgently enough to care when they did not arrive on time.

I expected no attempt at rescue from my intended husband.

I had discovered only one measure of hope on this desertedisland. Halfway around the other side, a trickling stream of blessed freshwater led me up to a crude shed so dilapidated that I almost missed it. Itsweathered wood was wrapped almost completely in vines, the planks faded by thesalt air to the point of decomposition. There was no telling how recently anyliving soul had touched it. Inside, I found what appeared to be a sailor’ssupply dump – hard tack, casks of rum, coiled ropes and boxes of ammunition.

I waited near it the whole second day, pilfering a little ofthe dry and unsatisfying food, and watching to see if whoever had stored ithere would return.

I did fear who the owners might turn out to be. I had littlechoice, however, but to rely on any living soul that might come across me, andcould only hope for Christian clemency. And yet, I would have to keep my witsabout me. I had been told that unsavory privateers, or outright lawlesspirates, often used tiny islands like these when they needed to make secret landfalls.

I oiled up and loaded one of the pistols I found in thatshack, and took to carrying it at my waist.

It was hard to decide where my best chance of rescue lay –near the wreckage of my ship on the north coast, or at the mysterious supplydrop on the east end. I spend several days hiking back and forth between themboth, watching the sea and splitting my chances.

Near my shipwreck, I had arranged a few planks and branchesinto the word “help” on the beach, and hung the tattered remnants of ourBritish flag from an overhanging tree. I prayed for a naval vessel, or anotherhonest merchant, to pass by close enough to see it, and to launch a search forme if they did not find me sitting by the shore.

Near the supply shack, I was more cautious. I would need toassess the character of any potential rescuers that returned to the island atthat location. I constructed for myself a comfortable little platform on anoutcrop near the stream, from which to watch for any human approach. My chosenlocation caught the breeze just enough to keep the worst of the insects off ofme, and I screened it in with branches after I climbed up each day. I intendedto be able to watch any visitors to this shed for a good long while beforedeciding how to make my presence known to them.

I was drowsing in the afternoon heat almost a week laterwhen I finally heard the stirring of another living soul. The sound of bootscrunching on fallen leaves along the bank of the little stream caused me topull my recumbent body softly forward and peer between the leaves that screenedmy position.

I saw a lone man, of average height, whose complexion toldme he likely hailed from one of the northern countries of Europe. His hair wasdark and thick, the inch-long shock of it standing almost straight up from hisforehead. His full beard was trimmed just below his chin, but it was looking alittle ill-kempt. He did not wear a uniform, but rather a dark thread-bare coatand worn brown boots. In contrast to the carelessness of the rest of hisappearance, the sword at his hip was polished and gleaming. The handle of apistol poked through the gap of his open jacket as he moved.

My rescuer was not to be a soldier, then, as I had prayedfor. The man now hiking up the riverbed beneath my hiding-place might at bestbe a privateer, part of a semi-disgraced crew willing to fight for the Crown inexchange for gold. Or his allegiance could be to the Spanish, which would makethings less easy for me, but not as difficult as my life was about to be ifthis man was a full-on pirate. Then my only chance at getting home might be atransom, in which case I could only pray that I not end up too mistreated beforemy release.

I still had the pistol at my hip. Circumstances mightrequire me to put myself at this man’s mercy, but I did have some measure ofleverage with which to protect myself.

I watched him enter the little shed, striding directly up toit as if he knew exactly what he expected to find there. My heart jumped intomy throat as he disappeared inside. This was my best chance to get the drop onhim, and approach from a position of strength.

I slipped down from my perch as silently as I could manage. Myhand was on the butt of the pistol tucked into my belt, but I decided not to appearto the man with it already pointed at his face. Best to begin with an appeal tohis mercy, in case he was in actuality of a decent sort.

The stranger emerged from the dark doorway of the shed justas I was in sight of the threshold. His eyes widened, and he froze with a sackslung over one shoulder.

“Good day, sir,” I called to him, loud and clear, with astronger voice than I expected to hear out of my fast-pumping lungs. This wassurely the most foolhardy thing I had ever done in my life. But I could seelittle other choice, if I wished to avoid dying of exposure and starvation.

The man seemed to recover his confidence quickly, a shrewdgaze assessing my person as he stepped out into the light, lowering his sack tothe ground as he did. What did he see? My brown braid was loose and unwashed, wispsof sticky hairs clung to my forehead and my once-porcelain skin was surelyruddy from the sun and exertion. My dress was of good quality, but stained, shreddedat the hem and with a nasty tear through one sleeve where it had caught on abranch my first day. Hopefully, he did not immediately notice my pilferedpistol.  

We were now less than ten feet away from each other, and ifI wasn’t careful he’d end up able to draw a weapon on me faster than I couldget mine ready. I would have to think fast. “Good day to you, young lady,” werehis first words, returning my pleasantry. The lilt to his low voice identifiedhim quite clearly as an Irishman. Which did not help me much in determining hisloyalties. “The sight of a fair woman like yourself is certainly an unexpecteddelight. But can I ask what circumstances cause you to find yourself on anisland I had always assumed to be deserted?”

There was nothing to be gained in dissembling. “My shipcaught a storm at sea.” I wrung my hands, and looked demurely down at them tocheck how close the gesture had brought them to the handle of my gun. I squeezedone of my nails between finger and thumb, trying to look nervous anddespairing. “I am afraid I was the only survivor.” I looked up at him frombeneath my lashes. “I prayed for rescue every day. Some decent, Christian manto return me safely to my home.”

His countenance did not quite soften in the way that I hadhoped. If anything, he looked just a little sick. “Such a terrible trial you’vehad. Please, come with me. I’ll get ye back to my ship. My mates and I can takecare of you.”

He took a step toward me, but there was something thatunsettled me in his demeanor. His movements were jerky, like he felt conflictedsomehow in his chosen course of action. I stepped back, fast, and my fingersfound a grip on my pistol. The pistol that, as far as I knew, was actually his.

The stranger’s eyes followed the movement of my hand. Hewent still, and slowly spread his empty hands wide. “You gonna use that, lass?”

This was my only chance to claim the advantage. “I-I am not certain,”I bleated, feigning a feminine weakness, and drew it anyway.

The man before me barely flinched. “I understand,” he saidgently, lifting his hands farther away from his own weapons. “You don’t knowme.”

“I can’t trust you,” I said, dropping the lost maiden act,letting him see the real strength of my soul. “I need you, though.”

“Aye?” the man asked, voice going sharper too. “And what isit ye need me for?”

I tilted my head. “I have no other way off this island.” Wasthat not obvious?

“Sure you don’t,” the man scoffed, an edge of bitterness nowharshening his tone.

I pressed my brows together. “Of course I do not? As I justexplained—”

“Yes, yes,” the man interrupted, shaking his empty hands irritablyat me. “Shipwreck, only survivor, all that rubbish. Perfect way to get Finanthe Agile to let his guard down, throwing a beautiful and helpless maiden inhis path.” He shook his head as I struggled to process what he was saying tome. “You really do look a Lady. Hold yourself like one, too. He must have goneto the most expensive brothel in Port Royal for ye. How much did you cost him,by the way?”

“I beg your pardon?” I sputtered. Was he implying I was animposter, and a whore, at that? “Who on earth are you talking about?”

The man apparently called Finan let an irreverent smilecrack his face. “That foul, barnacle-encrusted arseling Haeston, of course. Thinkinghe could catch us in an ambush. But Uhtred’s much too clever to fall for a ploylike this.”

I was holding the pistol with both hands, arms locked in astraight line aimed at Finan’s chest. But I could see they were starting towobble. “It’s not like that,” I said, an edge of pleading creeping into myvoice. “I don’t know who any of those people are. I had passage on a merchantvessel. I’m the Governor’s daughter.” His face said he believed nothing I wassaying, but I kept talking anyway. “I’m not lying. The ship and I washed up onthe north shore of the island; I can take you there, and show you.”

“Darlin’,” Finan drawled, “if you’re just an innocent victimhere, then why are ye holding a gun to my head?”

I almost screamed in frustration. “Because for all I know,you are one of these terrible pirates yourself.”

He cocked his head, indulgent. “And if that were to be thecase, just what, then, was yer plan?”

I flicked the pistol toward the beach in an imperiousgesture, trying to look calm and in charge. “I need you to take me to yourship. Entirely unmolested.”

He actually laughed at me, though I thought I detected alittle sympathy in his condescension. “And what do you think would happen next?If I am one of these pirates that you fear, and you end up surrounded by ‘em,alone in the middle of the ocean? You think you can sleep with that pistolstill steady in yer hand?”

I wanted to break right there, but held strong. “Then all Ican hope,” I said, masking the hitch in my voice with a quick swallow, “is thateven pirates are God-fearing men, with enough Christian decency to help out agood woman in need.”

“You keep assuming we are Christian,” a new voice saidunexpectedly, from behind my left ear. I whirled, pistol and all, toward thesound, and caught a brief sight of a young man having crept up behind me. Thestrange look of him was disorienting enough: half his head was shaved, showingan outlandish tattoo adorning his scalp, and his eyes were blackened around thelids. I think I screamed at the sight of him. Before I could gather my wits,one of his bare arms came at me, and he knocked me to the ground.

The impact to my head made my vision go dark. I felt theyoung man climb on top of me, holding me down; heard the crunch of Finan’sboots as he came closer and crouched down beside me. “I’m sorry I’m not whatyou prayed for,” he said softly, and then rough hands bound my wrists.

 * * *

 “I found nothing in the jungle, between the shipwreck andhere,” the strange-looking young man said as he rowed the little boat I now foundmyself in, out to the large vessel anchored in the bay. His back was to me, andhis tone suggested he was trying to be quiet, but the sound was not too low formy ears to pick up even over the rush of the sea breeze.

My thoughts raced, picking over the implications of hiswords. So he had been scouting, while Finan spoke with me. Which meant Finan hadalready known about my shipwreck while I was pleading with him for help. Why,then, would he be so skeptical?

The boy with the evil look about him seemed to share my opinion.“No evidence of anyone else on this island. Do you still think she is a trick?”

Finan looked over the rower’s head at me, seated in anundignified bundle on the floor at the prow of the rowboat. I could have fit onthe board next to Finan, but he didn’t seem to trust me enough for that. Mypistol was now tucked into his belt, beside his own. “We can’t be certain,Sihtric.” He heaved a heavy sigh, and looked away, toward the ship ahead of us.“But she might—” the breeze gusted, taking away a few of his words “—who shesays she is.”

Sihtric shook his head. “A strange coincidence, then. Butwho can claim to know the minds of the gods?”

Finan’s answering smile held no mirth. He nodded toward theship, which we were closing in on now. “The only thing that matters is what hemakes of it, anyway.” But Finan did not look as confident as his words. Hepeered down on me for a long while after that, thinking hard but asking no morequestions.

A/N: What do you all think? I have a few plot ideas but I need a little help gluing them together. So hit me up if this opening scene gives you any ideas for what you want to happen next!

TLK taglist: @ceridwenofwales @oddsnendsfanfics@laketaj24 @thewildbeauty @geekandbooknerd @therealcalicali @tiyetiye @pokeasleepingsmaug@goldentailedmermaids @sifshoney @titty-teetee  @savismith @ariellostatci @perfectus-in-morte @axiseeu12@kingofshadowalkers

[halberdierminister]

Okay, so today is of course the last day of February, so let's sit down with my goals for the year again and take stock of how this month went.

1. Write 250 Words Each Day

I definitely had more days that I skipped this month than last month, but I have always made up for it. I cannot bank for future lapses, but I can make up for past ones. Setting the bar at 250 makes it easier to do that without getting overwhelmed. Still, I felt like I had a lot of burned out days this month, and that made it harder to write. But I still wrote. So I'm on track with this but it still isn't a daily habit. It's close, but maybe not as close as it was last month. I need to get better at this.

2. Read at Least 55 Books This Year

I read 13 books this month, which puts me at 23 books for the year. That means I am just over halfway to this goal! I look forward to seeing how much better than my goal I can do. Still, even reaching the goal will be a great success. I am on track for this.

3. Get a Full Time Job

This month, I applied for 29 jobs. And wouldn't you know it, I actually got one! So this is technically a success! I got hired for a full time job at Half Price Books, which will start in the middle of next month. It has full benefits after 30 days (including various insurances, 401k, profit sharing) and some good perks. The downsides though… it's still retail. It's still on my feet. I didn't really want that. And the real kicker is that it's only going to pay 11 dollars an hour. Why is that an issue? Well…

4. Move Out of My Parents' House

The rent in Madison is pretty high. I don't think I could even move into a co-op on 11 an hour, especially with the costs of those benefits deducted from my paycheck. If I had a roommate or two I could maybe afford an apartment, but I don't really want to move in with someone I don't know, and I don't know anyone who's looking for a roommate right yet. I guess I'll take this opportunity to save up and make more preparations. Still, I think I may keep looking while I work here, because I don't want to be here for another year. I do not feel much more on track for this than I was last month.

5. Drink Less Soda

Yeah, I drank less soda. But I've been drinking more canned iced tea? I'm not sure if that's an improvement. Still, I don't drink soda every day anymore, and when I drink soda I typically limit myself to one. So that's a massive improvement over the last several years. I am on track for this one.

6. Get Something Published

While it hasn't happened YET, I have made great strides! Let's see:

-submitted my finished piece to a fanzine I'm going to be in that comes out next month

-applied to be in another fanzine

-submitted to an online journal and got a quick rejection BUT they said they really liked the piece, but the ending needed strengthening, so that's what I will do

-submitted work to two journals

-submitted work to two prize contests

-submitted work to The Fuckit Zine, which I read issue #1 of and fell in love with

We will see over the course of the next (checks watch) SEVERAL MONTHS to see how this continues. And as I write or discover new unpublished works, I'm gonna fire them off to more places. I WANNA BE DROWNING IN CREDITS THIS YEAR. I am on track for this one.

7. Finish Writing A Legitimate Businessman

Last month (January) I added 6,654 words to The End of A Legitimate Businessman. This month, I wrote less than half that. I added only 3260 words. Still, I am approaching the end and I think I have a more solid picture of what is going to happen than I did a month ago, so I would still say I am on track for this one.

8. Write More The Revelation of Takaya According to Jin

I uh…. I think I finished this one. Like I wrote a couple entries one day. And then on February 27 I wrote like three more and I think I finished it. Whoops. You can find it here, but I warn you, if you have no interest in apocalyptic poetry about Persona 3 and deeper Persona lore, this one might not be for you. But if you wanna read it anyway that'd actually be rad. So this one is an exceptional success? I think this is an exceptional success.

MINOR GOALS

9) Finish Playthroughs Of:

The Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild: I finished this in January

Persona 3 Portable (100%): Didn't touch it

Persona 1 (Main Quest Good Ending): Didn't touch it

Pokemon Sword (Post-Game Plot): Didn't touch it

Pokemon Let's Go Eevee: I completed this one! On February 26, I beat the elite four, beat the champion, and caught mewtwo! My pokedex is only missing Mew. I consider this a completed playthrough, since I beat the plot and caught all of the pokemon available in the game without purchasing a 50 dollar accessory. I could try fighting the Pokemon Masters, but like… that's so super optional I do not care to do it any time soon.

Persona Q 2: OKAY THIS IS A NEW ONE. I think I lost my 3DS. So I bought a cheap 2DS and a copy of Persona Q 2 because right now it's the only Persona game available in America that I haven't beaten at least once and I've GOT TO. I made it to the point where I left off before. So. I'm on track for this one.

10) Record More Ukulele Videos

I don't know if I played my ukulele at all this month. Whoops.

11) Record Let's Play Videos

Obviously I did not do this either.

12) Duolingo?

I have had to use two streak freezes, but otherwise I have a 61 day streak going in Spanish so that ain't too shabby.

13. Work Out?

I messed up my back/shoulder/arm/chest early this month so any progress I had made in the way of working out ground to a sharp halt. I think I could pick it up again soon. I should. Mreh.

This is over 1100 words, by the way.

[dillydedalus]

january reading

why was this january at least 3 months long

unequal affections, lara s. ormiston (audio) this is jane austen fanfiction about an alternate version of the story where lizzy does accept darcy’s first proposal - their ensuing engagement, which (because lizzy doesn’t go off about how she feels about darc in this one) is full of unspoken conflicts and tensions & hella awks. the initial premise needed some suspension of disbelief but once i got over that i found it super enjoyable, pretty believable in terms of character interactions and interiority (darcy is a dick), funny & sweet. i don’t think i will necessarily start getting into JAFF now (tho goodreads rly thinks i should), but this was just. nice. wholesome. also now i want to reread p&p..... 3/5

lincoln in the bardo, george saunders (uni) ya know what i really liked this. this is about abraham lincoln mourning his young son willie during the civil war, not exactly a topic i’m particularly (at all) interested in, but the execution is so cool - it’s told partly thru fragments from historical records, books, letters (both real and imagined) and partly thru the voices of the many ghosts stuck in a kind of limbo in the graveyard, who are trying to get willie to move on, while they themselves desperately try to stay in limbo, bitter about what went wrong in their lives and in denial about their state. & it’s done really well, the polyphony and contradiction of the historical record (one chapter has a bunch of quotes about how ugly lincoln was & then the last is like ‘idk i thought he was kinda handsome’), and the ghosts are so sad & bitter & desperate & hopeful. 4/5

the steppe & other stories, anton chekhov (tr. from russian) bunch of short stories from 1880-1890s russia. to be honest, i found most of them pretty boring, although ‘the duel’ is pretty good, an interesting look at how sticking too closely to your worldview/ideology/morality will probably either make you a useless disaster person or a eugenicist douchebag. some of the other stories were okay as well, but overall: 2/5, i’mma stick with his plays

perfectly preventable deaths, deirdre sullivan  teenage ocd witch book! this is a pretty good YA witchy horror book about twins who move into their new stepdad’s castle (yeah he has a castle) in a weird irish village where girls have been going missing for decades. creepy magical-ish things start happening (of course) & our narrator isn’t sure whether her sister’s new age-inappropriate boyfriend is just creepy, or creepy. i love the concept of ocd witchery & the atmosphere is really good as well, but the pacing is off, with slow build-up & a climax that happens way too quickly. also like can someone please say the word ocd it’s not gonna kill ya. 3/5

the priory of the orange tree, samantha shannon gonna be controversial here & say... yeah this should have been a duology. give the world some room to breathe, give the characters some room to breathe (give me another book w/ a cover this spectacular). anyway, this is a bigass book about eastern vs western dragon lore, a holy queendom (go sabran of inys!!), dragonriders, lesbian sword mages, how religion & historiography marginalises women, and magical trees. & like, okay, i wrote a lil thing right after finishing it about how i had some quibbles with it but enjoyed it overall but you know what? the more i think about it/let it sit the more complaints i have and the more annoyed/disappointed i get. 1) i liked all the characters fine, but none of them feel like they have any depth - i feel like i could sum all of the main characters up in like 3-4 words, and while i was rooting for ead/sabran, even this, the most central relationship of the book felt... surface-level. like, there were some big emotional moments but generally all i felt was like ‘good for her’ or ‘that sucks i guess’, 2) this world & its mythology is very much inspired by eastern vs western dragonlore so i understand the need to ground the fantasy world with real-world parallels but the extent to which some of the countries are literally just fantasy versions of real countries was... frustrating? irritating?? this is especially grating as, while inys is very clearly fantasy!britain, there is a lot of cool world-building (religion, aristocracy, history/myth) to make it more than that, while fantasy!japan and fantasy!china are literally just ... ‘what if japan but with dragons’. i did like fantasy!netherlands because at least you don’t see that a lot. 3) so much of the plot is just people travelling to different locations to get and transport different items but most of the travelling is cut short by some magical animal/being turning up and just transporting them in a cutscene.. 4) considering that this is all about dragonlore the dragons sure aren’t as important in the end as the three macguffins of power. 5) i loved so much about kalyba but not where it led, that said i want a kalyba-hawthorn-nurtha backstory.   okay that’s it for now but like. idk. this had a lot of potential but the execution was just severely flawed. 2/5 

trust exercise, susan choi this was super hyped, especially for a game-changing twist of some kind, but has a rather low rating on goodreads (3.18!) so y’all know i was intrigued. i’m not going to give away the twist because it is genuinely really cool if not really all that original, but this is a really clever & cool book about theatre kids, teenage dramatics, constructing your own narrative and what that excludes, elides, changes, and most of all consent & abuse (some very triggering depictions of sex/sexual abuse here). i really liked this, and am considering buying a copy so i can reread it. 4/5

soldiers of salamis, javier cercas (tr. from spanish by anne mclean) very meta novel about a writer called javier cercas writing a book (tentatively called soldiers of salamis) about a (real) falangist poet who escaped a mass execution & survived in the forest for a while with a group of republican deserters. ‘cercas’ researches, speculates, despairs, talks to roberto bolano (who compliments his previous books lol), and finally tracks down the man who he believes/imagines/hopes to be the soldier who let said fascist poet go, leading him to consider who really should be remembered & written about. made me think about that one poem about reading ezra pount that ends w/ a veteran saying ‘if i knew a fascist was a great poet, i’d shoot him anyway.’ interesting book altho i far prefer his book anatomy of a moment, one of the weirdest & most fascinating nonfic books i’ve read. 3/5

the stopping places, damian le bas (audio) damian le bas comes from a settled british romani family and, feeling somewhat unsure about his place in & connection to the community, he decided to go on a roadtrip through britain (+france) in a van to seek out the atchin tans or stopping places, starting with the ones his great-grandmother remembers from her childhood before the family became settled. he combines the travelogue with insights into romani culture(s) (mainly british) and history, as well as his own family history. it’s really interesting & engaging (the history&culture more so than the travelogue) and le bas narrates the audiobook himself & sounds like a cool dude. 3.5/5

confessions of a bookseller, shaun bythell  bythell records a year of working as a second-hand bookseller, with an entry for every day. he talks about the impact of amazon, rude & weird customers (but also nice customers), his weird staff, and some of the books he’s reading. the look into bookselling in the age of amazon is pretty interesting but much of this is banal & repetitive, & if it wasn’t the perfect thing to read in little bits while at work i probably would have dnf’d it. 2/5

giacomo joyce, james..... joyce  super short story by my man jamesy joyce that never made it out of manuscript (literal). not much to say about this - it’s interesting to see jj play around with themes while still working on portrait & thinking bout ulysses & the prose is nice, but the whole english tutor feels attracted to his student is a bit... eh. 3/5

[rkmason]

    ▰▰▰▰▰▰ MNET GLOBAL AUDITIONS, SEASON 5 ˟ INTERVIEW TAKE 2 ▰▰▰▰▰▰

if he’s being completely honest, his main concern right before he goes in for the interview is shit how do i get through this without cursing? if you go by his thoughts alone, he’s already failed. 

there’s no clapperboard in his hands and none in sight— at least, he doesn’t think so and after bowing to the staff member fixing his mic and making sure he’s good to go, he’s grinning, small talk and making jokes about whether or not they can hear him as he holds up his hand to his ear and chin as a makeshift phone. 

“do you need me to mark the scene? is that what it’s called?” he looks like a fool when he keeps moving his arms around and lightly clapping his hands, “d’ya hear that?” sure, he might look like an idiot but he swears the staff member is laughing. he swears it— besides, after working all day, they’ve got to be tired. hopefully, they’re feeling well-rested. he knows his own heart is still raring to go, racing around as if it’s as competitive as he can be during a pick-up game in the park. 

introducing himself feels weird no matter how many times he’s done it in the past few years, no matter how he’s been doing that before moving to seoul. hell, he used to do it all the time as a tour guide back home but nothing feels quite the same as doing it in front of a camera. 

the temptation to say hey this is choi minho and you’re watching mnet while drawing out an ‘m’ with an extended arm like he’s wielding a magic wand is real but somehow he makes it through to the moment he’s told go. 

“my name is choi minho. i also go by mason, romeo, #2020 if you’re feeling nostalgic. call me anything you’d like if you have pizza.” chuckling, he runs his hand through his hair. “do i get a number yet? ah— missed a chance to ask for yours, guess my romeo tendencies are slipping away.” it’s time to make a new name for himself anyway, right?  

▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀ Q .  how did you feel when you received the news of the callback?

“excited?” he can’t easily say he lost it for a minute, felt nauseous the next, until he came back around to being genuinely happy. this is mnet after all. “what’s that people say? third time’s the charm.” hopefully, that doesn’t mean third season of the mgas but his third chance at a company. then again, it already sounds like one too many and he’s toeing that line once more between charm and arrogance. rationale and hubris. 

▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀ Q .  thoughts on the set? 

“it’s looking good! pretty slick and i gotta say it feels a lot different from the last time i was doing this.” there’s a part of him that wonders how much he should bring up the past— how many times before it’s too annoying but can’t blame a guy for being amazed by the changes, right? “i gotta ask though... with all these chairs... any chance of playing musical chairs later?” 

▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀ Q .  the reveal of the judges?

oof— the question didn’t settle less comfortable the second time around. the first being with jinkyung earlier when they were waiting in their seats. dabin on one side, jinkyung on the other. years ago, he would’ve never expected they’d be there at mgas season five. he doesn’t know quite what to think except that all he can do is move forward so with a bright grin, he chuckles, a wistful expression in his eyes. “it’s good to see ‘em again. looking forward to their feedback,” which is a double-edged sword but hey he brought himself here, might as well charge straight for it. 

▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀ Q .  thoughts on your performance?

“i just wanna let people know it’s a song about my past. don’t worry ‘bout me, i promise i’m not that lonely anymore,” minho laughs, wets his lips all of a sudden when he realize how that sounds when combined with the fact that it’s speculated he was kicked out for dating. ah... maybe it would’ve been better if he accidentally cursed by now huh? “some family and friends have been calling me out lately on acting okay and, uh, well i was gonna say it feels good and it does. not right at that moment but i feel good now, feel good about being honest. that song is personal for me and i hope people can relate and use it to channel those kinds of feelings out instead of letting it eat away at ya.” 

▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀ Q .  favorite performances?   

“i’m not a fan of picking favorites like that, y’no, but can i say this? the song choice this season? fire.” hands held up like that part in bomb bomb [another song that’s fire might he add] and he’s shaking his head. “come on with this variety though. we got some classics, some english, someone singing in spanish, all these instruments too? someone played a violin. a violin!” he exhales deeply, shaking his head as his gaze falls, just in awe of everything he’s seen today alone. 

“the judges got it tough but we’re all pretty entertained today aren’t we? gotta sit through 100 performances and i haven’t felt sleepy once. that one girl who did a trap version of baby shark? i’m blown away. that one guy who remixed havana and i think it’s smooth. he is smooth. i like his vibe, real—“ can he say sexy or sensual? is that as bad as cursing? no clue but— “passionate.” that seems safer to say. 

“there’s this one girl, voice of an angel. sia? i think it is... her and seoyeon is the other one. it was a sweet song, went well with her voice. oh, sweet and psycho was good too. she’s a streamer, isn’t she? i can’t forget my boy kikwang. don’t sleep on his potential, alright? aw man, sorry but i keep thinking about all the different kinds of music we heard today. we got jo bros, fall out boy— what throwbacks, and even a song from coco. i’m not gonna say that movie makes me cry but i’m a little emotional about that one. i think we all ought’a be. sam smith, bruno mars, tinashe, beyonce— oh wait, can i say all these names like that?” huh, how do copyright rules work anyway. saying celebrities is fine, isn’t it? feels like a dumb question. [it is mason, so it probably is] 

“i could keep going, but i ought’a wrap it up so i’ll say this, it’s all worth watching so stay tuned, alright?” he wags a finger at the camera playfully. “go to the youtube channel for the full performances, you won’t be disappointed. mine too,” he jokes with a cheeky grin. 

▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀ Q .   least  favorite performances?  

“i don’t think that exists here.” thank you, next. 

PROFILE / SKILLS / ARRIVAL / 1ST SKILL / INTERVIEW / BONUS SKILL / 2ND SKILL ▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀ THE CALLBACK: PERFORMANCE / INTERVIEW

[tearlessrain]

time to subject myself to Dracula: The Dark Prince, aka another bad movie starring another dude from black sails. this time with 100% less horny on main because my only real motivation for watching it is it truly looks to be a whole new caliber of horrible and I have to see it.

witness my standards for incomprehensibly bad movies being raised prohibitively high in every way imaginable under the cut

I seriously doubt that.

this was made in 2013 by the way, not 1994 as the graphic design of that logo might suggest

oh good, once again we’re opening with an exposition narrator. except this time it’s a woman and she has less vocal inflection and emotional investment than an amazon echo.

I feel like she’s gonna tell me to turn left in 800ft

it feels like a dragon age epilogue, but just. worse.

WE ARE WATCHING A TRULY HIGH QUALITY MOVIE TONIGHT MY FRIENDS

I can’t even describe how bad this is, you really need the sound. that’s where the true lack of quality shines through. siri’s depressed sister is talking about pre-vampire dracula’s epic feats in battle to more weird sepia dioramas and the dying soldiers sound like they hired muppets to voice them

HOLY WIG BATMAN

also this dude is obnoxiously jovial considering he’s supposed to be dracula, even if this is pre-vampire

oh no dracula’s advisors, who all wear black hooded robes and scowl ominously, have betrayed him and killed his wife, how unexpected

someone drew these, looked at them, and thought “yeah that’s good enough to go in the final movie”

the characters are speaking both english and what I assume is... romanian or something? transylvanian? it’s not spanish or welsh I can tell you that much. anyway there are no subtitles and also no rhyme or reason to which they’re speaking at any given time so I hope I’m not missing anything important. probably not.

so like... they killed his wife, yes. and he went on a murderfest in what appears to be a church in revenge, makes sense. now a dude who... I think maybe he’s supposed to be a priest or something? but he wasn’t speaking english so I can’t be sure, then a voice over said “I have killed for god, the hand that fought for him will now be turned against him” but I’m unclear on who was speaking. this movie is an absolute clusterfuck and we aren’t even five minutes in yet. this is still the prologue.

now zombie alexa claims dracula was cursed with immortality “in punishment for his defiance” but I’m still not sure... what defiance. he killed the dudes who murdered his wife and that’s somehow not okay despite his apparent status as a war hero, a designation that implies a LOT of killing has already happened?

fucking finally, the title screen. usually a prologue clarifies what a movie is about but I went in thinking I knew and now have absolutely no idea what I’m watching.

a carriage drawn by friesians is rolling through a misty forest with wolf howling sound bites playing at random in the background to vaguely urgent music, now this is what I’m here to see.

nevermind the carriage is too slow so they’re leaving it because that’s a thing people do (?????)

“Lady Arwen, we cannot delay”

seriously though everyone’s mumbling so much I can’t understand them much better than when they were speaking whatever the other language was

BOOTLEG XENA RIDES AGAIN

but this time she’s accompanied by esme. we don’t know who esme is yet either.

there she goes

and now the knights are being attacked by hilarious squeaky goblin things? who I guess are led by this power rangers villain with, again, an unintentionally hilarious voice. it’s like a bad batman impression.

with every minute that passes I become less certain of what I’m actually watching.

they’re looking for the “light bringer” and telepathically overseen by the world’s most halfassed lestat dracula

they’ve also got some random prisoners in a cage wagon

okay the prisoners are being taken to dracula’s castle and I’m sorry for such an image-heavy post but I NEED you to understand the community theater level of set design/quality we’re dealing with here

“what is that?” cardboard and mod podge is my guess

so far the only thing esme has done is fall off her horse and be knocked unconscious, and now a Roving Band of Misogynists has appeared to harass Bootleg Xena 3.0 in the most generic way possible (the words “what ‘ave we got ‘ere” accompanied by a chorus of malicious cackling and some whistles have been spoken)

oooh no the ringleader of the Roving Misogynists has been given a name, and it’s ~Lucien~. I have a horrible feeling that I’m about to bear witness to the worst romantic subplot in the history of cinema.

oh for... I thought at least bootleg xena 3.0 would be a Strong Female Character and fight them off, but she just rapped lucien on the head with her sword and then they stole her very important box and left as obnoxiously as they came

OH NO SHE’S ASKING TO GO WITH THEM, SOMEHOW THAT’S HER PLAN I THINK I’M RIGHT SHE’S GONNA HOOK UP WITH LUCIEN AND IT’S GOING TO BE HORRIBLE.

“trust me” she says to esme, who, wisely, obviously does not.

I appreciate the timely thunderclap every single time the castle comes on screen

who the fuck are you, did you wander onto the wrong movie set

nope okay they’re not gonna explain that shot at all we’re just moving on to a shot of a weird angel shadow doing slow flamenco moves on the ceiling while ominously gurgling, and the prisoners being led into the throne room

“what’s happening to us?” I WOULD LIKE TO KNOW THE SAME THING, PRISONER #3

oh never mind that guy from before wasn’t a priest, he is remfield, chancellor of this kingdom, which means the last scene he was in makes even less sense

AKSLDGHJFGAKDLFJGHKAJGHFDKLFDS;GJokay so. remfield introduced himself then said “I will see that your needs are tended to.” then dracula in his new white contacts gets up from his shadowy throne, circumnavigates the cluster of prisoners, sniffs them dramatically, and walks back to his throne. remfield then says, “come, I will see that your needs are tended to” because proofreading is for COWARDS

now remfield is... literally giving the prisoners a tour of the castle and going on the “oh you’re our guests and many pleasures and adventures await you” speech and somehow the prisoners are accepting this despite the fact that they were just carted in on a barred wagon in shackles and got sniffed by a bad alucard cosplayer. they have a fucking harpist.

seriously, who the fuck are you

she’s just been twirling around in the background of this entire scene for no discernible reason no matter what rooms they go into

what the hell am I watching

yeah they’re just going for that incredibly suspicious food and also seem weirdly okay with the ambient clusters of scantily clad lesbians no one will explain okay they deserve whatever happens to them

WHOA TITS apparently this movie is a different rating than I thought

remfield: the newcomers have settled in

dracula: I  d o n ‘ t  l i k e  s t r a n g e r s

then why pray tell have you brought them directly into your home in chains. I cannot stress enough how avoidable this situation was for you my dude

“just think sire, once the light bringer is in your possession no one need die again” “except those who defy me” [ominous chime as the angel shadow on the ceiling continues its sensuous flamenco dance]

meanwhile in the misty blue filter forest of eternal night, some guy in a tricorn finds a gold amulet that I think bootleg xena 3.0 dropped, and the power ranger villain rides menacingly in a random direction for a few seconds

I’m still waiting on whether this masterful display of cinematic calvinball has any cohesive story to it.

ah joy and we’re back to The Non-Adventures of Xena 3.0, Esme, and the Roving Misogynists

as an aside, I’m not calling her that just to be dumb, I’m calling her that because they still haven’t given her a name even though her sidekick got one in the first five minutes

they’ve opened the box and revealed... the light bringer, which is a wooden staff. because it is not shiny gold, the roving misogynists regard it with confounded disgrunglement and scoff at xena 3.0′s insistence that it can defeat dracula

these guys sound like what an eleven year old thinks gangs of ne’er-do-wells sound like. like cartoon weasels, if the weasels were also mediocre pirates who have heard of women, conceptually, but never seen one. like goblins in a pre-written D&D campaign run by a slightly overwhelmed first time DM.

HUR DUR WALKING STICK NOT TREASURE, WOMAN DUMB

it’s what cain used to slay abel, apparently. given that zombie alexa mentioned that dracula is the descendent of abel, this leaves us with the terrifying implication that someone did put at least some vestige of effort into writing this movie.

oh good she’s finally gonna fight lucien

no she failed again. please someone just punch the shit out of lucien so he’ll stop.

NO WHY ARE YOU MAKING OUT STOP IT GOD HAVE SOME STANDARDS WOMAN. STOP PLAYING FLOATY ROMANTIC MUSIC IN THE BACKGROUND THEY ARE LITERALLY STILL STANDING IN THE MIDDLE OF THE ENTIRE BAND OF ROVING MISOGYNISTS

I thought it might at least be a trick but no she is actually, genuinely starstruck over this profoundly mediocre olde-timey frat boy who called her “sweetheart” while she was trying to explain to him why the ancient dracula-defeating relic was important.

this guy.

we did it boys, we found a worse love story than twilight

also I just. I wish I could convey with words the way the roving misogynists react to every single thing lucien and sometimes xena 3.0 says like the world’s worst greek chorus in a literally neverending stream

lucien (post makeout and xena 3.0 explaining again that the relic is ancient and powerful and they’ve searched for ages to find it): well we may not be knights but we can respect that

[cacophony of rowdy but understated agreement]

lucien: what do you think boys, should we give it back?

[assorted grumbles of assent]

xena 3.0: hm, a thief with a conscience

[gruff mercenary-esque chuckling]

lucien: maybe even a heart

[chorus of “ooooooOOOooh”s and some whistles]

it just goes on like that in every scene they happen to be physically adjacent to, they never shut up but also never actually contribute or say anything meaningful

ah, the mysterious leonardo has appeared. I think he was the one they were trying to take the light bringer to so that’s handy

“what is happening here? what is this flirtation?? is this the people to share your sacred secrets with???” - leonardo, the only remotely rational person in the entire movie

oh he is schooling these idiots, finally someone with sense. it’s bouncing right off of lucien, but at least he’s saying it.

“the scourge” - leonardo

“scourge!” “scourge!?” “scourge?” “hrgghhg??” “hrrm...” - the roving misogynists

power ranger villain and his squeaking goblins vs leonardo, the most useless female leads of all time, and the roving misogynists. who will win.

not the people watching this movie, I can tell you that much.

oh no, the lightbringer isn’t working. this will do nothing to convince the roving misogynists that it isn’t a walking stick

oop, wilhelm scream

oh no lucien has picked up the light bringer

goddamn it he’s the chosen one isn’t he

yep he activated the stick and now we all have to suffer

oh xena 3.0′s coming for power ranger villain maybe she’ll actually do something

nope she bounced off him and now he’s grabbed her and hauled her onto his horse

“you’re coming with me” he says in his weird batman voice, to make sure the audience can tell that he is in fact taking her with him

and esme has yelled “no” to make sure we remember that she’s in the movie

wait what the. did lucien just yell “xena” is that her actual name what the fuck. what the fuck. I had to have misheard that. okay I can’t tell what he’s saying for sure but someone’s bound to say her name again at some point in the movie so I’ll revisit that.

and on that note, I think I’ll end here, because there ended up being a LOT more to unpack in this movie than I expected, it’s after midnight, and I’m tired.

tomorrow, we follow lucien as he presumably goes to save some lady he wildly disrespected and then made out with one time whose name may or may not actually be xena, and hopefully figure out what the hell is even going on with dracula, remfield, and their castle full of artfully strewn half naked harpist lesbians and dancing ceiling shadows. because right now I really don’t have time to unpack all that, and I have a feeling it will only get worse.

[larenoz]

Roswell New Mexico - Live Rewatch - Ep 4 -  Where Have All The Cowboys Gone

Rosa making crack jokes. Too soon Rosa, Too soon.

Yes, high school is kind of a jerk, Liz.

People are the worst drug.

OMG, so much forshadowing - cages around hearts, people hurt you, armour.

Who hurt you? Liz asks. She assumes Frederico but now we know it's probably Iz.

Seriously, how much bottled water does Max keep at his house? Is he a secret prepper?

Damn, it shouldn't work but that short sleeve denim shirt and white tshirt combo really works for Michael.

I gotta hand it to Liz, she is finding out all their secrets pretty damn fast.

Here comes Arturo. Liz, Liz, Liz, it doesn't matter how long it's been.

Meat cleaver. Gotta love the classics

Die Jesse Manes Die

You go Sheriff Valenti. YOu call Jesse on his bullshit.

Yeah, Jesse, reminding the Sherriff that her husband was cheating on her is totes the way to get her to co-operate

No Cam, don't do it.

Pod Squad

Will she forget me. Poor Max

If I say it enough it might happen!!

What I want stopped mattering along time ago. Now where have we heard that before??

Secrets, so many secrets. They really should know that's not a good idea by now.

What's worse, thinking someone doesn't love you  or not knowing that they do??

You tell her Arturo.

That's one thing Liz and Max have in common, a little too quick to pass judgement.

I really want to try churro pancakes. And again more lies

Noooooooooooooooooo

Not Arturo.

There's my MVP, Kyle

Helps Arturo, gets Liz a job.

Michael getting barred from the Pony - again.

Dramatic cowboy angst.

Maria REALLY doesn't like Iz

Fuck, you gotta love Iz's sense of humour - Racist Hank ordering a fruity cosmo

I do love the voice Max does about low pants hanging holligans.

Max, Max, Max the last thing you should EVER want to talk about with Cam is what you did last night.

Seriously dude, you dumped her for another chick while she was giving you a hand job.

You haven't been yourself lately really just doesn't cut it. You should be thankful she didn't shoot you. ffs

I am so glad they made Cam like she is. No fucking bullshit. She calls Max on what he did and that it's about Liz. But in such away that it doesn't come off as the typical jealous chick bullshit.

Queso, tequilla and no less than three orgasms. - possibily one of the greatest lines ever spoken on tv

Fuck, I love that little smile/smirk that Michael does.

Michael, your really are a dumbass if you think getting in between Maria and Isobel is a good idea.

Iz poking at other people hiding the truth, no, no, no

Michael does look a tad bit hesitant about the idea of Iz reading Maria.

Iz, Iz, Iz there is a difference between being blunt and just plain rude. You can't call someone a freak.

"curated, Pintrest page you call your life" That is one class A insult and really, probably a bit too close to home.

And then Maria throws that freak comment right back at her.

Because Rosa hated you.

It's lets call Max on his bullshit day. You go Kyle. Bonus points for using a dying child to rub it in.

My father was real hero. Poor Kyle.

To help people.

"We're just men, we can't play God." oh really says the cop whose an alien with healing powers to the doctor. I think you both play god every damn day.

The backpack.

Oh, why mention where Rosa was going on the bus? Maybe there is another connection to Los Alamos? You apart from the whole nuclear thing.

I do like the way they mostly manage to let the non-Spanish speakers know what the dialogue is about.

OT - watching all the ads for GoT is really weird now that I know how bad they fucked it up.

Max looking at his hands....

No Cam. just following orders is never good enough.

OK, I know this is fiction and everything. But that just isn't how electricity works people.

Detective Liz on the case about to make a massive  stuff up

Liz, this is why we don't jump to conclusions based on limited evidence. You as Ms Science should know that.

Poor Kyle, no baby, he really wasn't such a good husband but that's for another episode.

To be fair, Kyle asking about saving Max at the expense of his Dad isn't unreasonable.

But then Liz is ready to change her conclusion when presented to an alternative theory. Yay

And then Kyle starts dropping big plot points.

"I know what it's like when heroes fall". Damn.

His eyes are amazing.

Downside - taxes and parents having flaw. And what are the perks there Kyle??

Michael watching over Iz. I can't.

Mikey....

He would do anything is Iz.

That is a face that should make you run very fast in the opposite direction.

Oh, Liz and Arturo as so cute together.

Gotta say her pancakes don't sound too tasty.

And here they are about to break my heart again.

Michael waiting/wanting to be saved......

We have each other - but do you Max?

And here he goes, throwing himself on the sword again.

"I'm not gonna let you martyr yourself" (because that's my job).

"You got a good life, Isobel, you got Noah, I got nothing but some old scrap metal"

Fuck I just want to hug him, then shake some sense into him then hug him again.

"I'm gonna confess, after all, I'm the one that killed those girls" dum dum dum

And fuck you Max and Iz for not even fighting him on this, not even a little bit. Just fuck you both sideways - especially you Max.

Not one fucking word in opposition for throwing Michael to the wolves.

And even though it's obvious and easy I really do like the light effect of their symbol at the very end.

I know that at this stage we don't know the whole story and that in fact Michael didn't do it. But even so, the fact that neither Max nor Isobel argue with MIchael makes me really angry.

Like it might make sense for Michael to take the fall but at least put up a fight!! Let Michael know he's worth fighting for.

Exactly, like even a "There must be another way" or something.

Yeah, you might be right on that one.

Yeah, and even though it's possible it might've been Michael, I think it's more that when push comes to shove, Max wants it to be Michael rather than Iz.

That he's always willing to preference Isobel over Michael.

So, not an episode with alot of fireworks. But when you look at it, alot of backstory and alot of people's feelings are out there for the people who need to know

Lot's of inter-character dynamics on display.

I think I'll have to rate the drama quotient of each ep by how many times I say fuck. In which case this ep scores quite low!!

(Commenter) That might be the most Aussie thing I've heard you say, lol