#going to see how i do at work tomorrow but they dont
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i hope my breathing and energy level improves soon im supposed to go to nyc on friday n i currently cant walk or stand for very long without feeling terrible
#going to see how i do at work tomorrow but they dont#think covid is all that bad so if i do feel really terrible im going to have to fight my way out#i miss when the quarantine was 10 days instead of 5. it still should be
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shoutout to people working their dream jobs doing something mundane
#i work in IT and can i be honest. i might complain about my work sometimes but ive never#gone to bed and been like ''man i dont want to go to work tomorrow''#or like. i have had thoughts similar to that but it's always because of something non work related#like rn im excited to go to work and see my co workers tomorrow morning#but also i wish i didnt have work so i could wake up to play monhun#or sometimes i wish i could just sleep in. but i never hate my job#i enjoy going there. i can make a living with it. actually as soon as i graduate i'll be earning pretty well#though most of that will be going to student loans for some years but it's still more than what my parents made combined when i was a kid#pre taxes for both of us. not taking inflation into account.#i know i complain about management and complain at work but i genuinely really like my job#its always been my dream to have a job i dont mind doing. and this is it.#im not saying id feel the same in any it job. but here i get to manage like a billion different systems and device types#and i get to do so much different things and theres always something new and fun going on and i get to be a part of making it happen#and its a very seasonal job so im not doing the same thing all around the year. spring is the busiest but i fucking love spring#both in general and at work#days go by fast bc theyre busy but theyre busy in like ah. how do i say it. in a way i dont have high brain power work#sure i need to know my shit but its easy shit#and then winter is always projects and v much using my brain and less my body#spring and summer some work days are workouts gdvxhdns#also during some weeks in the summer. i can go on a walk anytime and get ice cream or something on the clock#and using the excuse of saying im patroling our systems gdvxhsj#theres a lot to do but the work environment is chill#a lot of IT work is. sure paying way more but also complete hell. not for me.#what im doing rn is like. i would not mind retiring here.#im not surprised lots of ppl do like 40 year careers where i work#sure managements been kinda shit but things are changing rn#and i feel like theyre changing for the better#idk im just v happy rn!#spring is coming and i can feel it#i love spring theres so much new things happening
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#i have two comics that are close to done and dont know which one to finish#ones oblivious pining and the others joking about dating the blue spirit#also i have tickets to see the ATLA concert tomorrow?!? im so excited#ahh i have so many zukka comics planned but im not sure which one to start on next#ones a longer post canon one about sokka drinking cactus juice and confessing and zuko doesnt know how to say he feels the same when sokka#puts his life on the line for him#another is the 'do you regret it' betrothal one thats not really angsty#one's a redo of my tea shop au with sokka being the college kid who comes in to work lte at night#ones a canon one about zuko getting sick and not knowing how to trust the gaang#i really like that one but its not really shippy#and then more. so. many more that i dont know which to start#hajsjdj#notmyart#CRAP I NEED TO SET UP MY STORE#i might just accept that maybe ill take a loss this first time and do it before i cant anymore. just do the easiest platform and just Go
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we have. a lot. of drawing. to do. this month. and. lots. of drawing. ideas.
Flo. wants. to write about. the effects of. Hanahaki disease. in our system. and how it. manifests. in the headspace. and then. do drawings based on that. if that makes sense. and i think. that would be fun. but we. already. have enough art to draw this month. so that. will probably have to wait. until the new year.
#... on top of the. current art project.#which if. i am not wrong. should be finished and posted. tomorrow.#i am. anxious to post it. but working on all of it. was my. idea. so. this is. my fault. i guess. i dont. know.#i feel. we are. being a bit. Too Much. with... mm. disregard. it's. probably fine.#but we feel. we are. a bit. Suffocating. currently. attention-wise. do we. shower you. in too much. attention? @fp#i am. scared to. ask directly. apologies. but i. assume. you will see this. eventually. hello. when you read this.#... anyways.#i told flo. to write. her findings down first. and then. work on art. later.#so. to our two friends. whom we talk to. on discord. near daily. expect. a wall of text. in our discord channel. soonish.#when flo has time. to write down her thoughts#pk;m diamonds🔷#she is very. fascinated. by how it. manifests. is all. and it is generally painless; pain doesn't. manifest. in our system. unless.#the body. is in pain... or unless. we are going. through mental turmoil. but i digress.#the point is. how it manfiests. causes us no pain. it's more of a nuisance. at most. and we generally. do not notice the flowers.#until a different starmate points them out.#though rarely. we do. actually cough up flowers. it is also painless. i assure you.#but i. am rambling. that should be. flo's job. [lh].
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Oh my God I'm so upset right now you have no idea. I decided that today was finally gonna be the day that I bit the bullet and make myself sit down and do some writing again. I even decided that I'll do it in the one place that never fails to bring the words to the page: the library. Which was great cause I had to go and pick up a book that's on hold for me anyways so two birds one stone kinda deal. Love it!
Except I forgot that while today is a Monday, it's also a holiday so the busses aren't running at their usual frequency. Which was fine! It just meant that instead of taking the bus I had to walk there which is no big deal, just annoying.
And then I got to the library.
And remembered that they're closed on holidays.
I am devastated 😭
#'okay so just go tomorrow? i dont see the big deal here?'#i mean i definitely am dont get me wrong but you dont get it#i didnt have to work last night so that meant i had to actually get DRESSED for this#i even made a thermos of tea thats how excited i was for sitting around for hours writing#but instead in the time between waiting for busses before realizing that i was just gonna be faster to walk#i wasted an hour where i could have been doing literally anything else#like my laundry#and yeah i guess i could just write here but i had worked myself up for this 'excursion' so much#that im too disappointed and dejected to do that 😭😭😭😭#well thats what i get for not double checking the libraries hours once i realized it was a holiday#but thanks to it being open everyday of the week at 10am otherwise i didnt even think to see if holidays were an exclusion#so shame on me and i will hopefully learn from my mistake for next time lol
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i am way too hot to have this pathetic of a social life
#i still live with my parents im out of college my job doesnt have in person coworkers and im in the suburbs I DO NOTHING AND GO NOWHERE#AND YOU SHOULD SEE HOW HOT I AM!!!!!!!! THIS IS LITERALLY SUCH A TRAVESTY!!!!!!#i have to fucking move out so bad just so i can have a social life again#i neeeed to live in a cool town with things to do and people to meet and have a job WHERE I TALK TO PEOPLE#I STRAIGHT UP DO NOT SPEAK AT WORK#I JUST SHOW UP TAKE PHOTOS AND LEAVE#also today my camera acted up and i have a shutter malfunction i fear she might need surgery#so now i dont even have work to go to#i have to go go my local camera store tomorrow and its like genuinely a big deal that im going somehwere other than work#im a sports photographer so i wear sneakers at work and i bought new boots like three weeks ago#AND THEYRE STILL IN THE BOX BC I LITERALLY ONLY LEAVE THE HOUSE TO GO TO WORKKKK AND I GET PAID JACK SHIT#AND I CANNOT STRESS ENOUGH HOW HOT I AM!!!!!! THIS IS SO UNFAIR
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damn they werent kidding that reading comprehension CAN piss on the poor
#i dont even think it's a reading comprehension issue i think people just love to assume the most bad-faith intentions on tumblr#last reblog was clearly talking about a post made as if it was some unspoken rule of social media#all the replies are ''umm they stated a personal boundary and you're making fun of them for it? :/''#i can see how you got there but no. if you looked at the post for two seconds it's obvious we aren't doing targeted harassment 😭#they're just saying it's a weird thing to post as if it was obvious people should have been behaving like that all along...#it's not like that's some common social media etiquette..... it's a strange thing to Expect#state your boundaries sure that's always fine. that's not what the post was about guys kfjhkg#i love finding a popular opinionated post and grabbing the bag of popcorn lmao#anyways im gonna go get food wahoo#hiiiiiii i wanted to post a bit today but. forgot :V#kept getting distracted by various things including skyblock itself#*wants to post about skyblock* *too busy playing skyblock to post*#most of my day was actually spent outside yay :] work again tomorrow tho#and saturday..#chat
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the fact i can stay up for over 24 hrs while already running on less than 10 hrs of sleep before that and still have yet to be a normal about of tired is both surprising and FUCKING ANNOYING
#god someone sedate me#like i dont wanna go to sleep bc i dont feel tired and i cant begin to go to sleep unless i feel tired otherwise i wont sleep as fast#my eyes feel heavy but not in a sleepy way idk. i can feel my brain detereorating as we speak BUT I CANT BRING MYSELF TO FUCKING SLEEP#if i get temporary insomnia because of fKN JAYVIK??? idk what i'll do but i will be shocked either way#which yes thats part of the reason ive been staying up all week its to browse the jayvik tag n lose track of time#but also i tried to go to sleep yesterday bc i was tired and i woke up like 4 hours later and couldnt sleep again so thats annoying#even when i try i cant do it HAHA but yeah i think ive been awake for over 24hrs which makes abt <10hrs combined for like 3 days#also ive saw some shadows move so thats how that is going rn HAHA#so im doing great and my mental health is at an all time high🫠👍🏻#i'll take a melatonin gummy and see how that works out i guess. at least i dont work tomorrow lmao (or i guess today now technically)
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ok good night butchlifeguard nation
#i am determined to do nothing at school tomorrow. if you want me to do something honestly get over yrself#(guy who has 2 honors and 2 ap classes tomorrow)#i might get to eat alone tomorrow which is nice. its just weird being On all the time#my engineering design class literally has a grade for being on#plus i just need to find something more entertaining to do at school than be on my phone or do work#so when i finish 8path (i think soon?) im getting the mobile game#if i ever post about spending money on it yall have to bully me. but ill see how it is without paying#if you dont know how adhd works: did you see that transition from 'im going to sleep' to 'i have hard classes' to 'video game'#literally a born yapper
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aouuugh my uterus......
#long long day at work codeine wasnt helping with cramps and my meds are less effective on my period :(#ive been doing okay most of the day tho just starting feeling kind of miserable omw home bc such a long wait at the bus stop in pain#and im kind of lonely at the moment but wont be able to climb tomorrow bc of cramps so thats my main social source gone :(#and it always feels worse at home bc if im having a hard time like in physical pain or feeling down my roommate cant rly handle it#like she cant rly be in the room with me the headphones go straight on. which is ok im realising its just how her type of autism works#so im trying not to get as upset at her abt it. with varying degrees of success but it just takes time#i mean i dont get upset AT her like ik its not her fault and i dont want her feeling like it is. I keep it internal + cry once im alone#just different social needs n boundaries innit. we're a bit incompatible is all#but its still hard. I'd like support from other ppl when I'm struggling i mean i think thats a fairly normal thing to want#but of the friends I would be comfortable talking to abt how i feel none of them have that kind of emotional availability#which again is ok like its not on them. and im very capable of dealing w my shit myself one way or another so its not a Need#but idk. it would just be nice. I feel like I've had to be so independent most of my teenage and adult life and I wish I could take a#break from that sometimes. even just a hug would be nice man#sorry i always come on here and talk abt the same problems... well youll see me do it again no doubt abt that 🫠#ughh and i feel so guilty for wanting things ppl cant give even though i know its not really my fault either and im allowed to want things#and i dont cross boundaries or make them feel bad abt it. i really hope i dont anyway. but still ahhh...#its so hard for me to feel connected to anyone if they cant rly engage w me emotionally at all like its a non negotiable#factor into closeness and trust for me and i get so frustrated bc i feel so distant and alienated from the ppl i care abt most#and ik i overreact bc of my rsd so maybe its just that its probably not even a real issue. but its real to me bc im the one who gets upset#man. anyway its okay just a really really long day. im gonna wash my dishes and then shower#and finish my book. maybe i should play some dead cells i miss it. i dont really want to think abt how i feel anymore#maybe ill see if anyones free to hang out tmr evening so i dont have to feel as lonely even if i cant leave the house after work#all good nice to have a plan anyway. done sniffling. my hot water bottle is helping thr cramps a littlr i think#.diaries#oh i dont think its helping actually ow. i took more codeine an hour ago why doesnt it do anything. not fairrr 😭
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I'm sorry for my posts today, I guess the stress from the entirety of September was piled too high and is collapsing onto my head. I'm just so tired y'all....
#the dentist office in town offers walk ins so i COULD go tomorrow but two peoblems#i cant afford to do a payment plan. after sending rent and bills im left with barely enough for any groceries needed.#i can get maybe 5 things if im lucky#also im scared. im scared to go alone. its too short notice to ask my friend to pick me up and take me. i cant do that to him.#so do i just wait until i can afford the 120$ insurance plan and risk the infection getting worse or spreading#or do i go and risk not beinf able to pay the bill and get into yet another debt#i dont think i even wanna do this for me#all i can rhink about is my niece and how is she supposed to have a good like when im the only one with decent credit#thst could get a house with a yard and her own room#whos gonna be the one to take care mom amd dad if i bite it yknow? because thats my biggest responsibility#taking care of two disabled adults bc one cant works bc hes legally blind and the other cant get approval to work from her heart dr#their ssi could decrease or lower at any point in time as demonstrated multiple times this year alone#so yeah im only doing the right thing and at least TRYING to see a dentist for their benefit and not mine#my benefit is i continue to live with slightly healither teeth? no because id rather let myself deteriorate into nothing#but i dont the choice because i have people depending on me financially and i cant fail because if i fail things worse for them#and if things get worse for them its just another one of my fuck ups#sometimes i wish i just burned in the house fire in 2008#talkies#vent
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#periodical life updates#genuinely about to write a whole post explaining wxs ship dynamics because they ALL work well together. i love them <33#i have a LOT to say about emurui specifically. i know the big ship in this group. i get it! people /love/ the gays. but emurui is so cool#from the small things (rui understands what emu means when she says ''BANG-POP-WOOSH!'') to big things (their parallel arcs in WxS)#just! nene and tsukasa going to be big worldly actors and emu and rui curling in on the memories in the bubble of the wonderstage#how long will it last. how long do they still have together. they don't want to hold their friends back but this was everything to them.#do you THINK ABOUT THEM!! believe me i love every connection in this polycule but i need more people to think about emurui hdkjdh#anyway moving on. i have lgbt club tomorrow and a bunch of deadlines are definitely closing in :/ ive got a lot to do and i DONT WANT TO.#i definitely want to start the queue up again ive got a lot of things in there i want to reblog <33#i want to start on that eca comic again. waughh theres a lot. there's always a lot. oh well. we'll get through it.#idk what else to update on other than ''im really busy'' ''i'll restart queue'' and ''i think emurui is cool'' so i guess thats it!!#see u ily!!
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Cons of updating the wiki: I have to actually figure out what the fuck is up with "a seed is planted"
#rat rambles#oni posting#I have Still not found out how to get it back#idk what I did to make it show up the first like 3 times and I have even less of an idea now#Ive tried everything I could think of and the only idea I have left is to crack open debug mode again#I remember my first theory was that it had smth to do with debug mode since thats when I first saw it but I remember trying that again#later and it not working so I dont fucking know man#Im launching a new debug world as we speak and Im betting I wont uncover the mystery because nails hates me and so does klei#I just want to know what section of the wiki I should put it in man is that so much to ask#like I remember it being a research note but god if I know at this point#especially after looking in the code and seeing it alongside the story trait stuff this fucking log has ruined my life#alrighty the world is loading cmon#aaaand its not there Im going to fucking lose it#I Know it was in game and I Know its still in the files I checked very recently#I saw it I know its there I know it exists but it keeps fucking escaping me idk what to do man#Ive tried asking ppl on several platforms and at this point I might just delete the game /j#idk Ill fuck around a lil bit more but then I need to shower and go to bed#idk maybe Ill look into some oni discord servers tomorrow and see if I can get any help there
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Sigh
#having to organise 5hings and stuff tomorrow#im actually a liytle miffed im not sure why#im planned to hangout with my sister in town tmmr but then my friend is also in town and i need to go out with my mum to#do something and oh my godddd can people just tell me what time theyre doing stuff and then i can match that#sigh#also can my new boss tell me when to come in to work please. girl u CALLED me at 8am and yet you cant even#tell me when im busy this week who do u think i am#anyway.#and ive gone to bed too late and i dont know why#so im going to wake up late and make myself even more time pressured for nothing#oh i jsut realised how i can combine 2 things maybe#hopefully#yeah i feel bad bc like. i want to hang out with my sister AND my friend#but i feel like my sister wont want to hang out with me and my friend#even though i did the same thing last week with her friends#so IDK.#i'll see in the morning
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I don't know what to do with myself during summer break but school sucks too and literally like. what. what do I do. what do I like. do I have hobbies?? yeah, probably, but I haven't done them in so long that I can't anymore.
I haven't had real time to myself in so long that I don't know how to do that anymore
#y'all i actually cant#if i DO have a significant amount of free time during the school year ever#i usually just fill it up with seeing my friends and going places#that's all I've done these past 5 days of summer pretty much#and i have work the day after tomorrow#and i REALLY REALLY dont wanna go#and i dont know what to DO with myself#like yes i have an online summer class technically#and i should start writing my essays for college applications#but i just CANT b#but i CANT participate in my hobbies either..#WHAT DO I DO HOW DO I DO IT SOMEONE HELP ME OH MY GOD#:((
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#professor gave an extension on our sculpture project and made tomorrows class another full work day for it#which is very nice for everyone who was having a hard time w the project so i appreciate that#but meanwhile i came in hyperfocused and got so into it and its basically done#im doing a few touchups but im gonna have like. nothing to do in class tomorrow.#i did email my professor abt it so we'll see maybe i wont have to go in tomorrow morning? not sure#every other person in my class was like. screaming and crying on day 1 of the project about how hard it was#and meanwhile i was just like. in the fucking zone. going crazy with it. having a grand old time.#i really really love it i just dont know what im gonna do in class all day tomorrow lol
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