#going to see how i do at work tomorrow but they dont | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

newfeeling77 · 1 year ago

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i hope my breathing and energy level improves soon im supposed to go to nyc on friday n i currently cant walk or stand for very long without feeling terrible

#going to see how i do at work tomorrow but they dont #think covid is all that bad so if i do feel really terrible im going to have to fight my way out #i miss when the quarantine was 10 days instead of 5. it still should be

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phagodyke · 3 months ago

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the masculine urge to take a saucepan off thr draining board and bash myself repeatedly over the head with it until I pass out and no longer have to experience feeling Bad 😍

#struggling to tolerate this one ngl its fucking dire this weekend. i just cant do this man #thr things i would fucking do for attention please. just one person to notice and care in the slighest i feel like im losing my fucking #mind out here how does every single person who has ever mattered to me in my lifr see me in distress and choose to ignore it or maybe they #dont even recognise im ij distress in the first place i dont know whats worse i dont think i hide it well at all im just so done #listen like ultimately its fucking fine. i will get myself through it like ive gotten myself through everything else in my fuckijg life #i dont even feel bad that often these days im doing so so so much better and its so much more tolerable to only have to deal with this #once or twice a week instead of it being a struggle every single day like i dont think i could go back to feeling like that again ever i #dont know how i managed to get througyh it before jesus fucking christ. but i can deal with it i can deal with this #ik ill feel fine tomorrow. its just thr fact im so desperately fucking alone with it that makes it so much worse than it has to be #i fucking hate repression i hate being so incapable of expressing myself that its easier for me to injure myself than it is to talk about #how i feel to anyone i hate being trapped in this stupif fucking torture labyrinth and not knowing how to get out of it and never being #given a single avenue anything to hold onto i hate having to do it alone every single fucking time and when i do try i just freeze out #entirely i cant form a coherent thought my brain enters total fucking shutdown pure static white noise fuzz and i dont know why please #its so unfair i dont think its that much to want a little comfort. just once just for someone to stay with me while i cry it doesnt have #to be more than that i just dont want to be alone like this i just want to feel safe around someone just close to someone just once #and well ill survive without it bc i always have i guess. so far at least. and there are many things im grateful for and i do in general #feel pretty okay my life is pretty good at times even. i feel so pathetic and stupid and ashamed for even feeling like this #but do i have to go my entire life without ever experiencing any kind of real intimacy with another person emotionally that is #i mean physical is nice too and they go hand in hand in some ways but i just want to feel seen and safe over anything.im tired #i feel like i try.but not hard enough i know its all my fault really but i dont know how to try any harder but nothing will ever change if #i dont i cant expect anyone to do anything if i cant rven communicate in thr first place. oh i dont want to think about it anymore #i have a headache from crhing and its not even 8pm ugh. okay. well it is what it is.#ill breathe until i calm down and then tidy up whatever i left in the kitchen and get my work stuff ready for tmr #and polish my boots maybe. and read and go to bed at 9:30 i think. and ill feel fine in the morning #my fault for thinking about it earlier i know i shouldve nipped it earlier on its such an easy spiral to fall into i need to get better #it happens. okay anyway. no cause for concern im good guys. weakly thumbs up at the camera all covered in blood #my period is late actually thats probably all this is lmao. makes sense thinking abt it #cant wait for it to finally start and all earthly desire to leave my body so i never experience pain again amen #.vent #ignore this sorry for being mentally ill im not even that mentally ill anymore so no excuse rly ummmm. bit embarrassing innit.

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petricorah · 11 months ago

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#i have two comics that are close to done and dont know which one to finish #ones oblivious pining and the others joking about dating the blue spirit #also i have tickets to see the ATLA concert tomorrow?!? im so excited #ahh i have so many zukka comics planned but im not sure which one to start on next #ones a longer post canon one about sokka drinking cactus juice and confessing and zuko doesnt know how to say he feels the same when sokka #puts his life on the line for him #another is the 'do you regret it' betrothal one thats not really angsty #one's a redo of my tea shop au with sokka being the college kid who comes in to work lte at night #ones a canon one about zuko getting sick and not knowing how to trust the gaang #i really like that one but its not really shippy #and then more. so. many more that i dont know which to start #hajsjdj #notmyart #CRAP I NEED TO SET UP MY STORE #i might just accept that maybe ill take a loss this first time and do it before i cant anymore. just do the easiest platform and just Go

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euclydya · 1 month ago

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we have. a lot. of drawing. to do. this month. and. lots. of drawing. ideas.

Flo. wants. to write about. the effects of. Hanahaki disease. in our system. and how it. manifests. in the headspace. and then. do drawings based on that. if that makes sense. and i think. that would be fun. but we. already. have enough art to draw this month. so that. will probably have to wait. until the new year.

#... on top of the. current art project.#which if. i am not wrong. should be finished and posted. tomorrow.#i am. anxious to post it. but working on all of it. was my. idea. so. this is. my fault. i guess. i dont. know.#i feel. we are. being a bit. Too Much. with... mm. disregard. it's. probably fine.#but we feel. we are. a bit. Suffocating. currently. attention-wise. do we. shower you. in too much. attention? @fp #i am. scared to. ask directly. apologies. but i. assume. you will see this. eventually. hello. when you read this.#... anyways.#i told flo. to write. her findings down first. and then. work on art. later.#so. to our two friends. whom we talk to. on discord. near daily. expect. a wall of text. in our discord channel. soonish.#when flo has time. to write down her thoughts #pk;m diamonds🔷#she is very. fascinated. by how it. manifests. is all. and it is generally painless; pain doesn't. manifest. in our system. unless.#the body. is in pain... or unless. we are going. through mental turmoil. but i digress.#the point is. how it manfiests. causes us no pain. it's more of a nuisance. at most. and we generally. do not notice the flowers.#until a different starmate points them out.#though rarely. we do. actually cough up flowers. it is also painless. i assure you.#but i. am rambling. that should be. flo's job. [lh].

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tittysuckersworld · 8 days ago

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aha

#guess who might posibly be a lil suisidal again #its not that i want to or plan to. i just. i really wish my illness would go away already #i might not be able to eat meat anymore now and. i cant do soy or nuts. so how the fuck can i get that-#like mabey theres miracle plant based protine that isng nut but. i doubt #luckily have appointment wjth doc tomorrow so gonna talk with em about my meat problems and ya #hopefully eating will fully stop hurting soon and ill be able to go and stand and such #i dont even know what im gonna do when i hopefully get better now. i just hopw i do get better #or this gets managable. gonna go onto expensive weird med again and see what thag dose.#might also ask about a different pain referal and mabey even some blood work to make sure im doing okay and smth else hasent poped up

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risingsunresistance · 9 months ago

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damn they werent kidding that reading comprehension CAN piss on the poor

#i dont even think it's a reading comprehension issue i think people just love to assume the most bad-faith intentions on tumblr #last reblog was clearly talking about a post made as if it was some unspoken rule of social media #all the replies are ''umm they stated a personal boundary and you're making fun of them for it? :/''#i can see how you got there but no. if you looked at the post for two seconds it's obvious we aren't doing targeted harassment 😭#they're just saying it's a weird thing to post as if it was obvious people should have been behaving like that all along...#it's not like that's some common social media etiquette..... it's a strange thing to Expect #state your boundaries sure that's always fine. that's not what the post was about guys kfjhkg #i love finding a popular opinionated post and grabbing the bag of popcorn lmao #anyways im gonna go get food wahoo #hiiiiiii i wanted to post a bit today but. forgot :V #kept getting distracted by various things including skyblock itself #*wants to post about skyblock* *too busy playing skyblock to post*#most of my day was actually spent outside yay :] work again tomorrow tho #and saturday..#chat

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vile-wizard · 24 days ago

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If I throw up today I'm just gonna tell my boss I'm starving and see what happens

#i feel so bad i thought i was late and left early but now i dont have any food in me #so i have half an hour to kill before work on an empty stomach #this sucks i wanna go to sleep #words cannot describe how much i dont wanna go in today bc im not doing my normal work #no #she wants me to help her bake Christmas cookies #i just dont think i have it in me #lady was a chef and has insanely high standards I don't want her to see me struggling to roll out cookie dough!!!#i dont want. bonding activities i dont LIKE it #it makes me very uncomfortable #not to mention tomorrow i have to do a fancy holiday dinner with her AND go to an art museum #this sounds like im complaining about a good thing but she is so invasive and always pushes my boundaries and i cant relax around her #vile-wizard.txt

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confusedsiewmai · 1 month ago

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#i have been lying around with the urge to like um erase myself teeheeeeeeeeeeee #i love having a thin skin and also gng through PMS and also just being idk someone who hates themselves a lot hahahaahahahaha #I JUST WENT TO FUCKING THERAPY FOR MY FEELINGS OF NEEDING TO BE USEFUL AND KEEP PEOPLE HAPPY #JUST LAST WEEK #WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCKKKKKKKKKK #MENTAL HEALTH IS SO MUCH FUCKING HARD WORK I HATE IT HERE #IVE BEEN FEELING TIGHTNESS IN MY CHEST ALL DAY TODAY AND THIS STUPID THING JUST DETONATED #AND ITS A FUCKING SUNDAY I HAVE TO GO TO WORK TOMORROW KNOWING I FEEL LIKE ABSOLUTE SHIT AT WORK #i feel like everyone probably hates me AND they should bc im so useless #AND IM SOMEHOW SUPPOSED TO UNLEARN NEEDING TO FEEL NEEDED????? WTF?????????????? GIRLLLLLLLLLLL I DONT HAVE THAT KINDA SELF ESTEEM L O L #i mean we all know hahaha yeah self esteem its something ure supposed to build yourself! it takes work!#I DONT WANNA DO THE WORK IT SUCKS HERE WHY CANT EVERYONE JUST LOVE ME AND FOR ME TO BE AWESOME AND FLAWLESS OMG IS THAT TOO MUCH TO ASK FOR #fuck i know it is. and im supposed to sit down and imagine sitting down with some older fucking wise self and idk sit down and watch myself #so i can see how my brain is beating me up for jack shit but god its painful to even think about #and dinner is happening soon and i dont have any excuse for not gng to the dinner table soon #meanwhile im having a breakdown lolllll gotta pretend everything is fine and im not losing my mind so my parents wont call me a lil bitch :)#NEGATIVITY #i hate how much suicidal ideations are imprinted into my brain hehehehehehehe

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imflyingfish · 11 months ago

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side note. im just upset now about how it feels like my work is no longer belonging to me. I dont get to choose what it is put into. it is now a comodity for whoever believes that they have a right to my work.

When I work in an art-based industry, what I produce will not be my own. It will be owned by another company who hired me. I could spend hours on it and pour my life force into what I create, but it could be held by the company and not released or released and removed from my ownership.

Now tumblr is the same. now every website is the same. You never have control of what you post forever. You never get to choose what happens to your online work. But now I know that what I post will go directly into the content meatgrinder that is AI technology. I will not get to choose this. I will not get to own my work any more. Even if I opt out, even if thousands of users opt out, not everybody will. Not everybody will know. Not everybody will want to. Not everybody will be bothered.

Theres a difference between individuals reposting my work onto pinterest and an entire blog being fed into AI. Theres a difference between a single human feeding artwork that isnt theirs into AI and an automatic process in which my data, my artwork, my life is being fed into AI. I will never own my own work again unless I keep it directly next to me and never share it.

Im debating pulling all of my work from this website.

#fish talks #Im not sure what to do #I dont want my stuff used I want it to be enjoyed #but how can i enjoy my work being enjoyed by people and websites that i cant trust #i really dont know what to do about this #I think tomorrow Im going to ask someone for their pov #he's always given me good advice on AI debates idk #and I know most of the terms in this will be wrong and thats because I dont know how to phrase the processes of AI #Im not a machine. Dont treat my art as a product. Treat me as a person. as an artist.#dont treat me as something to be sold.#this year hasnt been my most productive year #I dont need likes and reblogs as much as I used to #But I also dont see how I am supposed to grow my 'brand' as someone who dreams of being an online professional if I cant enjoy being online #if i cant trust the websites that i use #idk. this is confusing #much less to mention the friends that i could be losing if i disappear from this website #i dont even want to reblog other peoples art because i dont know how to turn off the thing yet #how will i know if my art has been fed into AI?? How long does that take? How long do i have from when i get the option to turn it off #and when I do turn it off?#agggghhh fuck all of this.#ai #anti ai

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akascow · 1 month ago

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the fact i can stay up for over 24 hrs while already running on less than 10 hrs of sleep before that and still have yet to be a normal about of tired is both surprising and FUCKING ANNOYING

#god someone sedate me #like i dont wanna go to sleep bc i dont feel tired and i cant begin to go to sleep unless i feel tired otherwise i wont sleep as fast #my eyes feel heavy but not in a sleepy way idk. i can feel my brain detereorating as we speak BUT I CANT BRING MYSELF TO FUCKING SLEEP #if i get temporary insomnia because of fKN JAYVIK??? idk what i'll do but i will be shocked either way #which yes thats part of the reason ive been staying up all week its to browse the jayvik tag n lose track of time #but also i tried to go to sleep yesterday bc i was tired and i woke up like 4 hours later and couldnt sleep again so thats annoying #even when i try i cant do it HAHA but yeah i think ive been awake for over 24hrs which makes abt <10hrs combined for like 3 days #also ive saw some shadows move so thats how that is going rn HAHA #so im doing great and my mental health is at an all time high🫠👍🏻#i'll take a melatonin gummy and see how that works out i guess. at least i dont work tomorrow lmao (or i guess today now technically)

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butchlifeguard · 4 months ago

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ok good night butchlifeguard nation

#i am determined to do nothing at school tomorrow. if you want me to do something honestly get over yrself #(guy who has 2 honors and 2 ap classes tomorrow)#i might get to eat alone tomorrow which is nice. its just weird being On all the time #my engineering design class literally has a grade for being on #plus i just need to find something more entertaining to do at school than be on my phone or do work #so when i finish 8‌path (i think soon?) im getting the mobile game #if i ever post about spending money on it yall have to bully me. but ill see how it is without paying #if you dont know how adhd works: did you see that transition from 'im going to sleep' to 'i have hard classes' to 'video game'#literally a born yapper

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iwakuraz · 2 months ago

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it's not going too well

#cw vent #but #:[ i feel so baaad about it idk #one of the only things im known for in school is self harm and i dont wanna go back tomorrow #and now it feels like sh is basically my only recognisable thing #so everytime i look down at my arms and see scars fading away i just feel so terrible about it #what am i doing? why am i not cutting myself tahts what im meant to do thats what ive always done!! thats all anubody wants from me #i kinda really don't like how #basically everykne in my school really doesn't like me much cuz all i really have going is that i cut myself #have autism #and may or may not be a tranny #even though all of those things are things that are true qnd i dont even think they're bad things #i just. i dunno. i feel bad. like genuinely they have one thing they want me to do #and thats hurting myself!! but im not even doinf that right now #this is so dumb. all my problems are dumb as fuck huh #im so scared of school now #its not even just how the people act #when i go into the corridors there are so many people #so when im finally alone it always feels like theres someone behjdn me. its scaring meee i dunno. i hate school #please dont make me go back tgere. wait no what do you mean this is gonna be another three or so years #and even after those threes years i still have to go to university.. and get a job #this is the rest of my life i think and that makes me sad #i really tried to like school i tried so so hard to like school #but its so difficult. too many people too many noises #too many rumours and too many ableists #there are also too many tags on this post #but rlly the bad part of school has never been the work for me. im a dumbass but i do like learning #weh. dont make me go back. can i sleep for 72 hours instead of going to school #i hate walking into that stupid building everyday and being able to feel everybodys eyes go onto me #its all so scary. i should stop venting on here but i probably won't im sorry

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phagodyke · 3 months ago

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aouuugh my uterus......

#long long day at work codeine wasnt helping with cramps and my meds are less effective on my period :(#ive been doing okay most of the day tho just starting feeling kind of miserable omw home bc such a long wait at the bus stop in pain #and im kind of lonely at the moment but wont be able to climb tomorrow bc of cramps so thats my main social source gone :(#and it always feels worse at home bc if im having a hard time like in physical pain or feeling down my roommate cant rly handle it #like she cant rly be in the room with me the headphones go straight on. which is ok im realising its just how her type of autism works #so im trying not to get as upset at her abt it. with varying degrees of success but it just takes time #i mean i dont get upset AT her like ik its not her fault and i dont want her feeling like it is. I keep it internal + cry once im alone #just different social needs n boundaries innit. we're a bit incompatible is all #but its still hard. I'd like support from other ppl when I'm struggling i mean i think thats a fairly normal thing to want #but of the friends I would be comfortable talking to abt how i feel none of them have that kind of emotional availability #which again is ok like its not on them. and im very capable of dealing w my shit myself one way or another so its not a Need #but idk. it would just be nice. I feel like I've had to be so independent most of my teenage and adult life and I wish I could take a #break from that sometimes. even just a hug would be nice man #sorry i always come on here and talk abt the same problems... well youll see me do it again no doubt abt that 🫠#ughh and i feel so guilty for wanting things ppl cant give even though i know its not really my fault either and im allowed to want things #and i dont cross boundaries or make them feel bad abt it. i really hope i dont anyway. but still ahhh...#its so hard for me to feel connected to anyone if they cant rly engage w me emotionally at all like its a non negotiable #factor into closeness and trust for me and i get so frustrated bc i feel so distant and alienated from the ppl i care abt most #and ik i overreact bc of my rsd so maybe its just that its probably not even a real issue. but its real to me bc im the one who gets upset #man. anyway its okay just a really really long day. im gonna wash my dishes and then shower #and finish my book. maybe i should play some dead cells i miss it. i dont really want to think abt how i feel anymore #maybe ill see if anyones free to hang out tmr evening so i dont have to feel as lonely even if i cant leave the house after work #all good nice to have a plan anyway. done sniffling. my hot water bottle is helping thr cramps a littlr i think #.diaries #oh i dont think its helping actually ow. i took more codeine an hour ago why doesnt it do anything. not fairrr 😭

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bitchapalooza · 3 months ago

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I'm sorry for my posts today, I guess the stress from the entirety of September was piled too high and is collapsing onto my head. I'm just so tired y'all....

#the dentist office in town offers walk ins so i COULD go tomorrow but two peoblems #i cant afford to do a payment plan. after sending rent and bills im left with barely enough for any groceries needed.#i can get maybe 5 things if im lucky #also im scared. im scared to go alone. its too short notice to ask my friend to pick me up and take me. i cant do that to him.#so do i just wait until i can afford the 120$ insurance plan and risk the infection getting worse or spreading #or do i go and risk not beinf able to pay the bill and get into yet another debt #i dont think i even wanna do this for me #all i can rhink about is my niece and how is she supposed to have a good like when im the only one with decent credit #thst could get a house with a yard and her own room #whos gonna be the one to take care mom amd dad if i bite it yknow? because thats my biggest responsibility #taking care of two disabled adults bc one cant works bc hes legally blind and the other cant get approval to work from her heart dr #their ssi could decrease or lower at any point in time as demonstrated multiple times this year alone #so yeah im only doing the right thing and at least TRYING to see a dentist for their benefit and not mine #my benefit is i continue to live with slightly healither teeth? no because id rather let myself deteriorate into nothing #but i dont the choice because i have people depending on me financially and i cant fail because if i fail things worse for them #and if things get worse for them its just another one of my fuck ups #sometimes i wish i just burned in the house fire in 2008 #talkies #vent

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glass-trash-bab · 5 months ago

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I can't say eepy around pre-schoolers this semester, they're gonna think it's an actual word that normal people use

#but like. it does sound like a babytalk word. i dont babytalk the kids but we do use babytalk words #work starts up again for me the 6th. im excited to see the kids again ngl :3 #the older ones went off to kindergarten but im still going to recognize most of the kids. i hope they had a good summer #i wannq make them little backpack charms i think. im thinking of making stars #but idk how many kids are gonna be there yet. and i want them to be all the same cause i dont want kids fighting over them yaknow #theyre like 3-5 years old they're gonna fight over backpack charms. and im gonna avoid the plastic clips i usually use cause i dont want-#-the kids to accidentally break them. gotta sew it super secure so if the kids are like me when i was a kid and start impulse cutting things #- they won't be completely destroyed. and no plastic saftey eyes cause those can be a choking hazard #im having thoughts today because im trying to distract myself from the scary things i gotta do today and tomorrow #(getting my license renewed and classes starting tomorrow)#its not. as scary as my body thinks it is and i know that. but i cant control my animal brain being threatened by new things

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orcelito · 1 year ago

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Salty bitch in me sooooo satisfied by the fact that I probably make more money than the person who made my life hell last year lmfaooooo

#speculation nation #chatting with a coworker about how they ended up seeing her by chance #and she Asked about me. she seemed so preoccupied with me Specifically it seems!#and she apparently mentioned how shed consider coming back here and im just loke #lmfaoooooo girl im in charge of the hiring now and there is no WAY id hire her back #even without the personal grievances. she just caused some Real problems. like hell id accept her back.#but also she was a total BITCH to me. like really fucking nasty. and yeah maybe im still holding a grudge about it!#im a chill person but when someone makes me cry that hard for that long TWICE #yeah fuckin right id hire you back. keep dreaming.#anyways ive just been hanging out at work and chatting Whoops hfkshfj #my shift ended an hour and a half ago. i really should be going home soon.#the good news is i should be able to secure the lease renewal for only $40 more than the original renewal offer #the bad news is they havent replied since sending that which means its not in writing yet #WHICH MEANS the showing is still on for tomorrow. ugh.#which means i need to clean. blegh.#i guess having the pressure to clean isnt the worst but i really dont wanna lmaooo #at least i do have tomorrow off. i can make it work...#but yea my anxiety is a lot more manageable now. tempered by the satisfaction of being better paid than an old enemy #IT'S KIND OF FUNNY to call her that but she kind of is. it was mostly 1 sided bc she took issue with Me #i was fine being friendly work acquaintances but noooo she had to go and make my life fucking hell for several months #the social atmosphere has changed man. im not letting a snake back in.#im a nice person but i am a Resentful person. if youve wronged me i am never fucking forgetting.#but yeah i make more money than her ❤️ yay ❤️

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