#god. can i actually get through this rewatch. i feel like crying

[claratyler]

Its just so criminal and so tragic and it leaves this hole in your chest that never goes away, that merlin really spent that entire time with arthur closeted and stressed about being found out and having to hide his true nature from the most important person in his life. and when arthur finally knows that merlin does have magic, arthur's left with so many questions and a feeling of betrayal and he doesnt quite know how to trust merlin and thats fricking devastating as it is, bc this revelation is only happening in the show's final moments, and then he dies and he never gets to know merlin as his true self, never gets to discover that magic isn't inherently evil but despite everything in his final moments he still doesn't care that merlin lied, that merlin is this thing that he has always thought of as Bad, because its still merlin and all he says is "just hold me"

[kuwdora]

A Vidding Primer

A guide written for @wren-of-the-woods who asked for advice about how to start vidding! This is far from comprehensive and I tried not to make it too dense because it's a big subject. I still wanted to share a variety of topics about getting into vidding because it's a hobby and art that is near and dear to my heart.

First Piece of Advice

watch a lot of vids and rewatch vids multiple times. Seek out vids on YouTube, AO3, Watch the TikTok and Twitter/X vids that show up on tumblr or wherever you’re browsing. They all have distinct styles and tools/techniques they use to make their vids and edits. Rewatch the vids and ask yourself what you like or dislike about them. The song, the editing, the source. That can give you a good starting point about how you might want to approach making your own fanvids. The TikTok style of 30 and 40 second edits are very different what you find on YouTube. YouTube editors tend to use a full song and a lot more effects and a lot more overlapping dialogue. Whereas the fanvids - Vids - from people who came into vidding in the mid 2000s/2010s have their own culture, different ways they approach song choice, clip choices and narrative. I also suggest watching vids for shows/films you’re not familiar with as well as your fandom favorites. You can learn a lot about how vidders try to tell a story even when you might not grasp the context behind certain scenes but you can still follow along with the emotional arc of the vid.

Second Piece of Advice

Have fun and enjoy yourself. Everyone starts a new hobby as a newbie. It can be a lot of effort to make 30 seconds or a 3 minute vid, but it’s such a unique type of fanwork that is fun to watch and fun to make. It can also be migraine inducing because of all the learning and technical issues along the way. But!! omg when you make a clip fall on the perfect beat with your blorbo crying that perfect tear or you find an idea and sources for the bestest perfect lyrics of the song, it’s a magnificent high. It can make you feel like a god. At least that’s how I feel a lot of times!

There are about 10 steps* to creating** a fanvid/edit:

• select your platform and software (phone/computer video editors) • gather your video and audio files • create a new project in your video editor • import audio into the editor • import the video into the software and mute audio tracks that contain your video’s audio • review, label and cut up the video into shorter clips - this step is known as ‘clipping’ in vidding parlance, but it’s also optional. Some people pull in movies and scrub through the whole film and just pull it directly onto the timeline • move the various video clips around on the timeline to match the audio track you’ve chosen for your project, add video effects and additional dialogue if you like • export the finished timeline • upload the video to a streaming platform and/or downloadable service • share your project!!! posting to ao3 and/or social media or share on discord, etc * there are a lot more steps involved with each of these steps. What what software to use, where to find video, how to deal with copyright blocks on Youtube, etc. Some of that will be covered in the links below but is not comprehensive. That would require separate posts and links and I don’t want to drop an encyclopedia on you right now! I’m happy to provide more resources that I can curate if you want more direction and pointers to resources and amazing vidders.

** like any hobby, there can and will be a learning curve and frustrations. Blank page for a writer, blank timeline for a vidder. Is anything you put down is any good, self esteem and confusion about what actually makes sense is part and parcel for any creative work. Once you're in the vidding process and committed, as long as you're enjoying yourself you gotta just keep going to get it done.

Getting Started Vidding

My knowledge and background and learning how to vid from people on livejournal and dreamwidth from 2007. I don’t have any experience in editing with a phone but if that’s something you’re interested in, YouTube will be a place for you to start finding tutorials for various apps and tools. Probably discord communities, too. Vidding Workshop - a great how-to/guide when you're starting out. This is on dreamwidth from the WisCon vidparty in 2014. Some of the tech discussions might be a little outdated but there’s a ton of relevant information. It covers technical subjects as well as developing vid ideas and actually getting started. If you have any questions about what you’re reading you can leave an anonymous comment and ask - some of these vidders responding inthe threads are still active. You can find them on AO3/YouTube, tumblr, discord and actually leave them questions about their vids. Many vidders are more than thrilled to talk about their vids and answer questions. Vexcercises - this is a dreamwidth community for short-form vid excercises. This is a very structured way of introducing vid concepts and constraints so that you can produce a vidlet. I highly recommend you check this out and participate! There’s even an AO3 collection so you can check out how people have done the different exercises, too.

The Process of Vidding

Watch Me Edit - @limblogs put together a fantastic playlist of YouTube editors who will show you beginning to end how they made their vid. A lot of these editors appear to be using Sony Vegas but the general process of vidding end-to-end will be similar with other nonlinear editors like DaVinci Resolve, Premiere, etc. It’s a great way to actually see the vid come together if you don’t know what that even looks like. Every vidder will develop their own workflow and approach (which might even change from vid to vid), but it’s useful to see in video how people actually DO the thing. @limblogs also created a handy YouTube playlist some vidders from Bradcpu’s Vidder Profiles (Fanlore page). These profiles are basically like a director’s DVD commentary on their vidding process, featuring the vidders talking over their own vids! So cool. Phenomnal insights from these vidders about how they choose song, use effects, think about their narratives.

Self Rec: I recently did a vidding textpost series called: do it for the process - a naked vid draft: What (Yennefer of Vengerberg). How I Edit by @vimesbootstheory is another textpost about their vidding process. Self rec: Here’s my text interview: Vidder Profile - Kuwdora 2011. I talk about my process with a lot of specific examples from my previous work and lots of screenshots. This profile is over a decade old but a lot of this still holds true for me today! videlicet - this is an incredible vidding zine that @limblogs put togegther with a lot of amazing contributors. These articles and discuss about specific vids and aspects of vidding. It’s really detailed and a fantastic piece of vidding culture. I highly reading recommend the Demystifying Vidding article by lim and the A History of Vidding by @meeedeee and…pretty much every article in the zine!

Doing the vidding!

I recommend joining exchanges and watching vids that come out of exchanges and checking out fannish cons that have vidshows and discords to get more exposure to vidders and vids. Many people have joined @festivids (AO3 collection here) and made their very first vid, it's a very fun and great way to get into vidding. It’s not quite festivids season right now but time flies and it will be time to nominate sources and do sign-ups in the blink of an eye. Follow @festivids and check out the AO3 collection and see what people are making. Join the Vexcercises community and make some short vids and share them on your tumblr or on discord or somewhere and bask in the thrill of making your first fanvids. Check out who reblogged the vidder ask game - go and read other vidders responses and ask some new-to-you vidders questions. Everyone has their own take on process and tech and everything. It's great to hear and see what a lot people are doing and making.

Final Advice - talking about vids and doing the vidding

• watch vids • rewatch vids • leave a comment and ask a question about something you saw in their vid! • Again: find someone’s AO3 page of fanvids and ask them something about their vid in a comment or send them asks on tumblr (people usually have the same alias or link to their tumblr or dreamwidth pages somewhere.) • YouTube can be a valuable resource for tutorials so if you don't know something, there is likely someone who has made a tutorial about how to use a cross dissolve transition or anything else you might want to replicate in a video that you've seen in a vid. • start making a vid, scream and cry, ask for help, and keep going until you get it done. Celebrate and bask in your completed vid and share it with everyone! • Follow vidders on tumblr that you find from the vidder ask game • Check out the vidding discord for community and questions and vid recs and news about vidding exchanges and cons. • Have fun!

Hope this helps you get started! Thank you so much for the ask! Let me know if you have more questions and I can help you out or send you to cool vidders who have great advice and suggestions. And please send me your vid if you make one!

[neighbourshouse]

Let's talk.

Tara Lewis x Y/N

Summary: A slip up of words ends up being pretty ok :)

Warnings: Fluff. Like two kisses and an implication of the nasty but that's it.

Authors note: Oh wow. Funny seeing you here. Yada yada, life gets busy, I don't post for a while, but here we are. So...

Anyway. I'm a HUGE Criminal Minds fan and have been rewatching as usual but DAMN. Aisha Tyler is fine shyt. I want her. No, I'm crazy. Been searching for good fanfics, and it's so lacklustre I actually made my own. Let me know what ya think, is this something I should continue if I remember to write and post?

This is so short, but just shut up and be happy you're fed something.

______________________________________________________________

She placed a soft kiss to your lips, slowly moving down your jaw to your neck. Warmth radiating from her body, you fell into a blissed lull. She can be so intoxicating you just-

“God, I love you.” 

It slipped out in a moan. 

So accidental but true to how you’ve been feeling. The two of you hadn’t discussed this stage of your relationship, but you knew your admiration for Tara had gone beyond just a “like.” 

You froze at your own words. Tara stopped her motions, looking up at you.

“Oh my god I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to- it just happened…ughhhh” You covered your face with your hands. 

Silence. Then Tara giggled. 

Glimpsing through the cracks of your fingers you could see her soft smile. 

“Baby. Maybe it’s time we have a chat.”

Heart thumping through your chest, you fear this is the end of something so good. Tara gently took your hands away from your face, revealing tear-brimmed eyes and rosy cheeks.

“Awwww bubs don’t cry. Please? Come on, let’s talk.”

Shifting from between your legs to sitting next to you, Tara held your hands in her own. She fiddled with your rings, gathering her thoughts before she spoke. 

“Y/n, I love you too… and way more than you know and I want that to change. I want you to know.”

Wiping your eyes you sit up to look at her better.

“I wish we talked about this sooner cause I think we both know how we feel is mutual-“

“How did you know that you loved me?” Your words came out in a whisper.

Tara blinked at the suddenness of your words, leaning against the headboard of the bed. 

“I was at work sitting at my desk, chatting with Emily…and you texted me. I guess my face says more than words sometimes and Emily asked if it was you.” A small smile began to form on her lips.

“I remember I nodded. And Emily said the funniest thing… ’The team’s noticed a difference in you. A good one….When can we meet her?’ Knowing they already loved you confirmed what I had felt for a while. I decided I wanted to love you forever.”

You crawled onto Tara’s lap, straddling her. Hands cupping her cheeks you placed the softest, feather-light kiss on her lips. 

“When did you get the first inkling you loved me though?”

“You with the questions hey-“ Tara giggled, making a smile spread across your face.

“It was our 5th date-“

“That was like a month into our relationship.”

“-I know, girl let me finish my story.”

You both laughed.

“We had just finished eating at that sushi place and you unbuttoned your pants.”

“That’s it? That’s when you got the first idea?” You couldn’t contain your laughter at how ridiculous that sounded.

“Well…I like a girl that can eat and you unbuttoning your pants was just the cherry on top.”

“Jeeeeeeezzzzz” you rolled your eyes.

“Ok, now how about you? When did you first realize you loved me?”

“Gosh, how cheesy are we? Um… I guess it was…I guess it was when you first introduced me to your team. You just glowed from happiness, and your pretty smile reached your ears.”

“Really?”

“Yeah. That or- actually… when you first kissed me. Yeah. That was when I first realized I love you. You introducing me to the team was when I first realized I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you.”

A quiet fell over the room. All you could do was gaze at each other.

“You want to spend the rest of your life with me?” Tara’s voice broke the hush.

“I mean…yeah. I couldn’t imagine not being with you. I’m happiest with you. Every time you’re gone on a case, all I can think about is when you get back and how happy I’ll be. Also, we are always together and I basically live with you.”

Tara ran her hands gently up and down your thighs. You glanced at the clock on the bedside table: 11:30 p.m. As you said, you basically lived with Tara- but unfortunately, you still had to go home sometimes.

Your hands fell to hers, picking them up and kissing the back of each.  

“I guess I should get-“

“Y/n I want you to move in with me.” 

“Oh- ok…are you sure?”

“Yes, I’ve never been more sure. I want to share my space with you. And have you in my bed every night.” She smirked.

“Well how could I deny that…you did say you liked a girl who can eat.”

Tara playfully smacked the side of your arm and rolled her eyes.

“Oh hush you. I just mean…I want to have that normal everyday life with you. Where I make you coffee in the morning before work and collect mail with your name on it. All that domestic shit ya know, like JJ and Will or Matt and Kristy.”

You flopped down onto the bed next to Tara, lying on your side to look into her big, beautiful brown eyes.

“…make me coffee every morning, hey?”

“Yeah.” Gosh, she could make you fold so easily.

“We could be like those guys. But no kids.” you bit your lip, smirking at the thought of waking up to her every day.

“Yeah, no kids. You and I are aunties.”

“Exactly.”

“So?…” Tara eyed you.

“Well obviously yes! We just confessed our love to each other and you think I would say no to you proposing that I get to sleep in your-or should I say our- bed every night next to you? It’s gonna be like having a sleepover everydayyyyyyyy!!!”

Tara laughed at you and your excitement.

“Yeah, every day is a sleepover.”

[scribefindegil]

Rewatched Confession Arc recently because I love crying and also feeling all the weird calcified emotions around my heart shatter in real time and I found myself really focusing on Toichiro's line, "I just need to do what he did for me last time." The actual thing he says this about (turning himself into a vessel to absorb Mob's energy) doesn't happen, but the concept, the idea that everything people do for Mob during this arc is a reflection of what he's done for them, is I think a really crucial component of the narrative.

Mob tells Teru that he's just an average person (and sees through the "protagonist of the world" fantasy to recognize the insecure part of himself he's subsumed), and later Teru tells ???% that he's just an average person (and sees through his rampage to recognize that "Mob" is still in there, which is what wakes him up). Mob sees Ritsu reject their entire relationship after getting carried away with his powers but unflinchingly affirms that they're brothers and he loves him, and later Ritsu is the first one to accept that ???% is truly his brother and not a separate entity. Mob refuses to let Toichiro escape the consequences of his actions by dying, and then Toichiro does the same to him. Mob looks at Reigen on the bridge in Separation Arc and knows the best and worst of him and accepts him for who he is--but not completely.

That's the thing about all of them; what Mob did for them wasn't enough at first. There's this block that keeps it from being resolved until they're able to turn around and offer it back to him. Teru couldn't help but put Mob on a pedestal, which kept them from truly connecting. Ritsu couldn't communicate with Mob in the way he needed to in order to resolve their traumatic history. Toichiro still thought that the best way to make up for what he'd done was to sacrifice himself. Reigen couldn't come clean about his lies, so as much as Mob tried to accept him, all the hurt was repressed instead of resolved, and it didn't do anything to help Mob accept himself.

That can only happen at the end, when everyone takes turns reflecting back what Mob had given them in a way that lets them finally reach apotheosis--and gives Mob the tools he needs to resolve his own character arc.

Teru knocks him down from the pedestal, realizes that he's average and tells him so, and although ???% can't accept that yet, it's true. He's just another person like everyone else. His powers don't make him a god or a monster. And Teru also wakes "Mob" up, recognizing that trapped part of him and fighting tooth and nail to reach him.

Ritsu finally faces his trauma and accepts that it was his brother that hurt him way back then, refuses to let himself be hurt again, and vows that they'll stop avoiding their problems out of fear. And it's this that finally makes Mob face the fact that ???% is a part of himself.

Toichiro chooses not to sacrifice himself to stop Mob, forcing both of them to continue to live despite the hurt they've caused instead of taking the easy way out.

And Reigen tells the truth.

Reigen breaks open the huge unspoken gulf between them and tells Shigeo the same thing everyone else has been saying: You're just like me. This isn't unique; this doesn't make you special or monstrous or divine. This is what every single human has to deal with. We are all made of contradictions, and we all try to hide from them, but that's no way to live. You just need to accept yourself. So he does. And he accepts Reigen too.

[phantaloon]

okay okay im finally finished with both eps and here's my genuine opinion

the cast is 10/10, every single one of these kids knows exactly what they're doing and WHO they are, i can't imagine anyone playing each character better than them

the slight change in Sally and gabe's dynamic gave me a bit of whiplash at first, but the second time watching it, i kinda really dig it better than the books

the way they're portraying percy's feelings of inadequacy and the whole "i know I'm broken, i don't need you to make up stories for me"? fucking devastating, but it fits so fucking well (i can't remember if this is shown as deeply as it's shown here)

sally jackson is the most badass mfer and i fucking love her she is the godly parent fuck poseidon

it's been said before but sally calling percy perseus when she wants him to listen >>>

LOVED how they gave us the impression of percy having riptide while facing the minotaur, only for them to take it away (not really but percy didn't know that) and having percy face the minotaur book style rather than movie style

ANNABETH SAYING PERCY MUST BE THE ONE I SCREAMED

i am fucking loving the way they're doing percy's rage, like maybe it's bc i don't remember it as clearly in the books, but it's so raw, and walker does an amazing job portraying it, but the whole part where he offers food (a thing meant to be for gods) to SALLY, king behavior fr, and that monolog about making his father see them?? actual goosebumps

leah does such an amazing job portraying annabeth's indifference and apparent arrogance, i can't explain how much i love her, like she does it so subtly, it's just little gestures, but she IS annabeth chase (this felt especially cooler after seeing her in interviews, where she's actually really shy irl)

im not going to lie here, and like im sure it was done on purpose anyway, but i am feeling it kinda rushed, and I get it really! they won't waste time in the many chapters spent during camp introducing the world to us, when they've got few episodes, and the whole quest to showcase instead, but like, i would have loved to see percy training with luke (and besting him) and annabeth showing percy around camp (second time we've missed that) and idk just some fun little details, but like i said, i understand why they HAD to rush the intro, so I'm not upset about it or disappointed, just smth to notice

having said that, i really did love the bit of luke guiding percy through several activities trying to figure out his "calling", the callback to percy's horrible archery skills is 10/10

annabeth's yankees cap is fr a yankees cap and im crying

i nearly forgot, but im loving the nightmare sequences, i love how they're keeping the "voice" so faceless and shapeless, but just a light in the darkness of a nightmare, and really it's a great figure, bc a light in a nightmare is usually a good thing, it's the thing you run towards, and it's usually smth that helps you, but here, the light in the darkness is anything but good (quite literally) and he literally taunts percy, and fuels his fear and bitterness, and ugh I love it

the whole capture the flag sequence is 10/10 as well, i can't explain how much this healed me, just like annabeth leaving percy to be bored to death on his own, when she was right there, the transition between luke's "percy's got this" and percy doing the fucking floss dance? cinematic masterpiece, and like the fight sequence was really well done and crafted much much better than many others that rely on slow mo or weird angles, like the fight with clarisse and her spear was gold

dior's scream as percy breaks clarisse's spear alone deserves an emmy

leah portrays annabeth so effortlessly and naturally, I've said it before but i love her

i got like 10 seconds of annabeth interacting with percy and i can already see them together forever ahdjdj

overall 10/10 will rewatch again and again and again bc I'm in fucking love even if it does feel a bit rushed at times and there was the same lack of the hellhound as the movie

[kit-kat-jo]

My Murder Drones Finale analysis… 1/2 - 2/2

i stayed up until 2 am with friends last night (who i roped into binging the series with me) freaking the fuck out and theorizing, so next morning post hello!

i am FAR from done with this series, it’s been my hyperfixation and comfort show for over a year, and i pray y’all don’t die out too quickly because i have so much left to share. This show and community has blessed me in so many ways, and no way I’m letting it go just yet.

so now, of course, my frame by frame crazy analysis! ready? cool!

spoilers of course!

firstly i love how the first character they hone in on is the teacher, just laying on his desk and accepting his fate. like “really?……. ok. i guess.” fucking hilarious. man is so done.

the solver straight up pulling a Cluster from Steven Universe is not what i expected…. but so on brand. truthfully i don’t understand how in the end, uzi killed THIS whole fucking thing too when swallowing the [null], but if this finale proved anything to me its that about fifty loose ends are kept loose. and that’s… oddly okay with me?

you spin me like a ballerinaaa-

on my first rewatch i realized she tried to yell out “MOM!” in the vacuums of space… what if i just fucking cry?

mother daughter bonding… i’m so glad they have the chance to properly meet. :’) give this woman a drone body post finale so she can give her girl a hug…

SPACESHIP PILOOOTTT!! i love how all the fan content of N pulling Uzi from space into a ship came to fruition! it makes my little heart happy!!

proud of N here for being mad at her!! it doesn’t last long like i knew it wouldn’t, but still.

another thing i realized in my rewatch is that he stops being mad as SOON as he sees her cry? STOPPP😭💔

and yeaahhhh that doesn't last long.

CLOSEST to a walle kiss i got. and i’m HAPPY with it!!!!! just uh... gonna draw in that little spark later...

solver said: stop being straight :)

this whole scene makes my heart SCREAM, they’re so goofy and awkward and cute, they’re dating!!! i’m so proud of them!! them continuing to do coupley things throughout the fights coming next was absolutely too much.

oh you…. you hear something guys?? YOU SEE THAT?

MY WIFE LIVES!!!!! “itd be better if she stays dead nehnehneh” /lh NUH UH!!!!!!!! ANDDD she’s riding in on the fucking sentinel! my life…. my life is complete…. and i heard that “will it ever end for me,” so Eternal Dream IS one hundred percent HER song!

Oh, V. “We were supposed to get away, J! You said we do our jobs on this planet, and it leaves us alone!” as soon as this was said, i REALIZED. and oh, my GOD, all of V’s actions make so much sense now. J, as the leader of the squad, led V to believe that if they all did their jobs, killed blindly until no drone was left, cyn would leave her and N alone. no more messing with them, tearing them open, mutilating them and traumatizing them. as long as she made N do his job, he would be safe. I’M GONNA BE SO FUCKING SICK!!!!! J mislead them this whole time and was on the solver’s side! she knew tessa was long gone! as much as i wanted a J plot where she realizes she’s on the wrong side, i can’t say i wasn’t secretly expecting something like this.

“There’s no escape, even in death!” J has given up. she sided with the solver to end her own suffering. she sided with the abomination that was tearing them apart, tired of fighting against it. Oh, J. That’s so tragic. Fucked up what you put your teammates through, though.

the aforementioned coupley stuff. YAAAAAAALLLLLLLLUHHH. get a room

now to the fucked up shit. can i just say how much i love cyn’s animations here? she’s so fucked up. love her

you did a lot more than hurt his feelings girlie, LOOK AT HIM! his pure, horrific fear here actually broke me.

ran out of space for images! here pt 2!

[sebsxphia]

heya seb ;) lil bit of angst for you since i was rewatching outer range recently:

let's say rhett is actually married during s1, and in the fight between him and perry, you're the one who gets hurt instead of amy. rhett would be furious (both with perry and himself) and also sooo guilty 🥺

like you're in the bathroom, sniffling quietly as cecelia patches up the cut on your head. rhett hovers in the doorway. he wants to go in and talk to you, comfort you, but fear holds him in place. he had promised himself that he'd never let anything bad happen to you, and now... you might never let him near you again. he wouldn't blame you.

meanwhile you're crying softly, arms wrapped around yourself. you're shaken up and in pain and all you want is a hug from your husband :((

(i'm evil pls ignore me)

ABBIE PLEASE 😭 but i’m so here for this angsty thought! because on the off, rhett immediately goes after perry. he’s cursing his name with such venom and he’s furious that perry would push his buttons like this and cause this fight in the first place. but then he catches cecelia ushering you upstairs with blood seeping through your fingers, where you hold your hand to your graze, and rhett nearly throws up a lung. the guilt that rhett feels is unbearable. he was meant to protect you. he cannot live with himself. all he can do is blame himself and he spirals. but, all you want is rhett.

when you let him into your arms, he apologizes countless times and tells you that he’ll do everything he can to protect you. he promises that he’ll never, ever let someone hurt you ever again. he swears by himself that he will always protect you and that he’s just so incredibly sorry. after that, he’s asking if you’re okay, if he can do anything for you, etc. it’s his responsibility to take care of you and protect you, and by god, he will.

omg. thank you so much for this incredibly angsty thought my love! 🥺💌

[digiitaldaydreams]

just rewatched rebellion and god its so good. so so good. i want to talk a bit about the flower scene because its such a well done scene that i think really helps set up homura's transformation near the end. also it made me cry /silly

before i get into it i do want to preface it with this: i know the madoka in the labyrinth really is madoka, but what's important is that her memory is gone and being held by sayaka and bebe.

she's been reset to episode one madoka, and she hasn't gone through that same character growth that allowed her to confidently sacrifice herself to become the law of cycles. in a world full of nightmares, relatively harmless ceeatures compared to the witches, what motivation would she have to sacrifice herself?

its like the scene on the walkway in the anime, where homura asks her if she'd throw away everything, family, friends, to change her life. in its original context its purpose is simple: its code for whether madoka would become a magical girl. but when its called back to at the end of rebellion, it's about her becoming the law of cycles.

madoka without her memories, the one in the labyrinth, would have answered just the same as she did in the anime. but when she has her godhood back and is split in half by homura, she has enough awareness of her place in the universe to question her surroundings and what she's being asked.

anyways the point is that what madoka is saying in this scene isnt necessarily her 'true feelings' and instead a side-effect of her memory wipe and the labyrinth. ok? ok.

ok flower scene. the scene starts off with madoka walking with homura, bringing her to the spot they were at near the beginning of the movie: the flower field where they said they felt like they knew each other forever.

madoka says that homura can tell her anything, and that even if she cant help, she'll listen. when homura begins to speak, theyre on two opposite sides of the overhang.

homura, as she begins to realize the truth of this world, is isolated from madoka. homura is in the dark, in shadow, while madoka is completely and almost unnatturally illuminated.

homura says she had a terrible dream,¹ where madoka went far away, and everyone else forgot about her. as she says this, she runs away from madoka, through the flowers. she doesn't want to confront it at all.

she says no one could understand how she felt. she was so lonely. she thought she had just made madoka up, she began to doubt herself.²

at this, madoka comes in close, and hugs homura. she's closing the distance that homura has tried to put between the two of them, both metaphorically and physically. she's reaching out.

she reaffirms that yes, that's terrible, but it's okay now. because she would never do something like that. madoka says she was weak, and she would never do something that made someone as strong as homura cry.

homura is immediately receptive, the idea that madoka didnt actually want to sacrifice herself, it's tantalizing. maybe there's still a chance. maybe, just maybe, she can have madoka back.

madoka continues, she would never want to leave any of them. homura, sayaka, kyoko, or mami, her family, the people in her class, she'd never want to go somewhere she could never see them again.

and as she says this, she begins to re-braid homura's hair, the hair she took down as she became disillusioned and serious within the anime, and the hair she took down as she began to search for the truth in the movie.

while madoka comforts homura, she's drawing her deeper into the false reality. she's reinforcing the doubt in the back of homura's mind that maybe, just maybe, madoka's sacrifice wasn't what she really wanted.

while braiding her hair, she's symbolically trying to bring her back to the state she was in at the start of the movie: entirely an unquestioning part of the labyrinth.

and then madoka says that even if she had no other choice, she would never have the courage to do something like that.

a blimp shines a spotlight on homura, as she suddenly understands what she has to do. it's the moment she gets the idea to pull madoka down from the heavens to be by her side.

it even directly flashes back to the scene on the walkway, where at the beginning of the series, madoka says she wouldnt change anything. in her mind, this is what madoka really feels. this is the truth. this is what she needed to hear.

as she says it outloud, this is how she really feels, a darkness spreads from her. her motivation is established. she'd do anything to protect madoka, so why didn't she stop her? she has to do the second best thing: bring her back.

she turns to madoka. she has what it takes to make that hard decision, homura knows this, she's seen it before. she's far kinder and stronger than she knows. the flowers die, and turn to dandelions, floating in the wind.

but of course madoka doesnt remember. she returns to reality, the braid falling out of her hair. maybe she's an illusion, or a false copy someone else created. how else could they meet again?

but she says can tell, this is the real madoka. they could talk, just one more time, they could talk.³ and that's what homura's wanted for so long, she doesn't care that it could be fake. because in this moment it's real.

she knows what she needs to do now.

———————～ ♪ ～———————

¹ this is actually called back to later on, at least in the dub! when kyoko is talking to sayaka in the final battle she says she had a dream where sayaka died, "but that was real, wasn't it? this is the dream." felt like pointing it out but didnt want to break the flow of the paragraph

² this is just a personal note but ohhhhg god. this line made me start sobbing in real time. i get it.

³ homura did nothing wrong

(sorry that the screenshots are a little low quality, i got them from a clip on youtube from like 7 years ago. which is also why i paraphrased the dialogue instead of directly quoting it since i didnt have prime video up while writing this lmao)

[pastafossa]

hi pasta :) hope your week is going well so far !!

i dunno if you’ve spoken about this or been asked before (i apologise if you have) but i was just wondering how you always get matt’s characterisation so spot on?? if i didn’t know any better, i’d have thought you wrote the show. i can literally always picture him doing/saying the stuff you write <333

😭😭😭 This is like, an AMAZING compliment oh my god, thank you so much!

As for the question I'm not sure if I've talked about it before but ironically seeing it in my ask box triggered a discussion with sis. Like, I know there are folks who have a different take on Matt than mine. That's valid! So I don't want to be like... 'I did the research and delved and etc etc' because they do too. But eventually me and sis arrived at a conclusion that it's a few combos of things that makes Matt easy for me to click with:

A lot of psych classes in college that ironically I've used more for writing than anything else. This helped me understand some of how Matt's background of abandonment and trauma would potentially affect him and influence his coping techniques and behavior. I like learning psych stuff in general so that all wound up being an influence. I'll always recommend digging into this when working with characters!

I've watched Daredevil over and over and over and over and the more I've rewatched, the more I wind up picking up on new things and analyzing what Matt is thinking or feeling (bless Charlie for giving Matt so many little hints and fidgets and subtle touches of what Matt's internally feeling). This includes interviews, behind the scenes stuff, anything breaking down the why of Matt. I'm familiar with him at this point.

There are certain parts of Matt's character that I relate to incredibly strongly as a disabled person with chronic pain raised in the church, and also as someone who went through a long lonely period of depression where I felt very isolated, and then was afraid when I did finally make friends that they'd leave me. So. There's always an element with Matt that's like, 'ah I get it', this sense of resonation. I feel like that natural click with Matt really helped me when writing him, cause... been there, get the motivation, also dude needs to cry more and let that stress out, trust me.

This sounds weird but me and my sis love to break characters down, rip them apart to examine their insides. We love our favorite characters and talking about all their wholesome or badass elements, but we also gd love and have fun dissecting flaws, fuckups, the shadow self, character trauma, are they the asshole, is EVERYONE the asshole, what does this mean when he did this or that. The whole Pasta clan is immersed in that - Dad was a theatre major so got a lot of practice, Mom's loved lit forever, and we all have this tendency, so I got very comfortable very early with taking characters apart in a really honest way to figure out how and why they tick and what the writer/actor is trying to tell you. And since we've all seen Daredevil, and dad has also read a lot of the earlier comics, we've all more than once metaphorically laid Matt out on the table like a frog and dissected his character. I feel like having someone who's not only willing to talk about these layers with you, but also comfortable enough with you to kinda push back and go 'Or what if he was doing it because of this' or 'Ok yeah you love him but he was actually being the asshole here because *valid reason*' is important. Get you some allies who love to know why characters tick!

So basically lots of reading, really enjoying picking characters apart with fam, and familiarity, all mixed up in a bucket of 'Ooooh poor thing, I've been there and that was not fun. You really need therapy and maybe some antidepressants.'

[cadaverre]

𝐚𝐮𝐠𝐮𝐬𝐭 𝐬𝐥𝐢𝐩𝐩𝐞𝐝 𝐚𝐰𝐚𝐲 𝐥𝐢𝐤𝐞 𝐚 𝐦𝐨𝐦𝐞𝐧𝐭 𝐢𝐧 𝐭𝐢𝐦𝐞

hi everyone and welcome back to junos monthly newsletter !!! i hope uve all had a wonderful month, whether its getting warmer or colder where u are (thank god its warming up here i would be dying if it was still winter) and i hope u enjoy this months edition ★ 

𝐬𝐮𝐦𝐦𝐚𝐫𝐲

this month was actually one of my fav months of the year so far, my mental health is doing so much better and im finding that the weather is really impacting that. usually its not this warm and sunny but i am so fucking thankful it is !! i had my huge performance this month and it made me super excited to join more music groups and js about performance in general, its such a wonderful night of the year and i always feel so sad when its over !

𝐦𝐮𝐬𝐢𝐜

monthly playlist charm - clairo manic - halsey short n sweet - sabrina carpenter  hypochondriac - brakence better off - esha tewari home video - lucy dacus

𝐦𝐨𝐯𝐢𝐞𝐬 + 𝐬𝐡𝐨𝐰𝐬

» buffy the vampire slayer - up to season 2 i started watching this show this month and ohh my god i love it !! buffy is such an icon and i love the plot and general vibes, i cant wait to watch more ( cordelia, drusilla and buffy are my fav characters so far btw ) » the perks of being a wallflower (rewatch) - 9/10 i always forget how devastating this movie is and then i watch and im like oh! this is soul destroying! but i love it soso much and it always makes me cry » jennifers body - 9.5/10 oh my god. i love this movie soo much megan fox is so fucking hot and its so iconic and aah im. yeah. love.  » (500) days of summer - 8/10 love this movie !! i loveee the non linear storytelling and i think the acting suits the genre and vibes so well, it wasn’t boring at all which i loved. very nice chill vibes tho » deadpool - 8/10 this movie is soso silly, i love the dynamic camera and again, the non linear storytelling is so yummy. i did not appreciate the like 20 min sex scene as i watched this w my dad but i rlly wanna watch the second one !! » janet planet - 4.5/10  idk this movie gave me weird vibes u can read my review here » thirteen - 8.5/10 the vibes? immaculate. wardrobe? im so jealous. taking drugs? not cool. very stressful at times but i still loved it

𝐛𝐨𝐨𝐤𝐬

» lolita - unfinished still reading it !! its a little hard to get through but i do like picking it up and reading a few pages every day, its getting so strange but the writing is so enchanting i cant stop reading lowkey … hopefully it’ll be done by the end of next month !! » the virgin suicides - unfinished been reading this occasionally and ohh my god i love it. the whole narration/how its being told from a sort of unknown perspective in a documentary style is so yeah. im so fucking hyped to finish it » my year of rest and relaxation - unfinished yes i am reading three books at once and yes it is slightly inconvenient but !!!! i got this book recently and its so… dreary?? but i love it ?? i feel like i dont have to have my literary analysis hat on to read it which is nice compared to the other books im reading rn.

𝐦𝐨𝐨𝐝𝐛𝐨𝐚𝐫𝐝 / 𝐚𝐞𝐬

𝐭𝐚𝐠𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭

@dandelions-fly-in-summer-skies + lmk if u wanna be tagged !!

[halliescomut]

My Personal Weatherman Finale

I don't have anything super deep or insightful to say after doing a rewatch with subtitles so I actually know what was said. But I think I might have figured out what felt so different about My Personal Weatherman. It's a love story 100%, but it wasn't a 'falling in love story'. We saw the moments when they fell for each other in the flashbacks, but the story of the show already had them in love. So it was really about self-acceptance of those feelings for Yoh, and about confidence in their relationship to fully express them for Mizuki. (Maybe I do have something insightful to say.)

But also, one of my absolute favorite things about this episode was the camera choices. The fact that every time we saw them be fully honest with each other, one of them had their back turned, and then in the very end they're gazing into each other's eyes. Like it's just beautiful and perfect, because we see Yoh avoid eye contact regularly, and Mizuki will make him look him in the eye when he thinks it's important. Mizuki doesn't avoid eye contact though, so him doing so while saying these really important things that he knows have the potential to change everything is really impactful because I think it really shows how afraid he is that Yoh will decide it's too much.

I've talked some about how I fall on the Yoh side of the D/s dynamic, so I relate the most to him. But find myself most affected emotionally by Mizuki, and I wonder if that's because of that submissive part of me. Like, since we're given insight through his thoughts, the last two episodes especially, I just so much wanted him to say EVERYTHING he was thinking. I felt like he was scared that his intensity would be too much for Yoh, and I just kept wanting to be the Jiminy Cricket on his shoulder telling him that Yoh isn't as delicate as he thinks. That we aren't fragile, we can handle that intensity, we want to see that strength of love, and affection, and passion. And we may be a little nervous, but we also TRUST and have faith.

Either way this episode made me cry, it's making me almost cry as I think about it. I'm sad that it's gone by so quickly, and I hope that we get something else, a special ep, or a movie, or if the gods are with me a second season. But either way I'm 99% sure I'm gonna order the physical copy of this show and it's probably going on my comfort rewatch list.

(As a side note, I went to pull gifs for this post to add interest, and they are wearing the same tops in the first ep as they do in the finale, the gray thin boatneck top and green hoodie (technically it's a different hoodie, but that's not really the point) so it's like full circle.)

[en-chi-la-da]

general animal death talk below

last night my dog sissy finally passed away

when i say finally i don't mean it like "god FINALLY i've been WAITING for her to GO already", i mean it like, i've been expecting it. "she's a tiny elder dog so i shouldn't be surprised when it happens", it's happening > it happened > time goes on. she's lived a long life, a solid 21 years (her birthday is in january) which was way longer than i was expecting her to go to be honest (although it is the estimated lifespan for the chihuahua breed WHATEVER) she was a strong little geezer. never broke a bone, rarely got sick, it felt like she was indestructible, looking back on it all.

unfortunately, she did get sick once again, so it actually wasn't from her old age catching up to her (again, that's what i expected to happen). she became lethargic and weak, very hot, was not eating/drinking or getting up to use the bathroom, when she did it was only to pee, and lots of sleeping. when we got her checked out she was dehydrated, ran over 103-degree F fever, and they told us that after an ultrasound they had found some cysts that had developed in her lower body (her digestive tract i believe). they said her body was trying to fight off an infection, most likely from the cysts, but they couldn't tell if they were cancerous or not or if one of them had popped or something. in the end, she wasn't looking good.

long term, we would've had to pay for numerous tests and surgeries for them to figure out what exactly was affecting her and try to treat her, although with her current state and how old she was, the vet estimated that most likely, her body wouldn't be able to handle all of that. short term, the quality of life route, we administer painkillers for a predetermined amount of time until she passes on her own or we run out. or, euthanization right there in the clinic. i saw no point in the medicine, why try to keep her around, just so we could watch her continue to suffer in her own bed? so she could keep not drinking or eating? so the infection could keep spreading? so i could end up one day coming home to find her dead body? horrible and ugly and the last thing i want to remember her by.

it felt like the best course of action, all things considered. she gets to pass painlessly, and i get to say goodbye and hold her in my arms one last time. honestly, i hadn't even started crying until it was over. when i felt her stop breathing and the vet confirmed that her heart had stopped. sure, at this point i had already accepted the fact that she was dying, there's not much we could do about it without hurting her more, it's the cycle of life, it was her time to go, i knew it was going to happen eventually - still, despite everything i was telling myself, to just get through it, for her sake - all my feelings in that moment still hit me like a truck. never before had she felt so small.

her life and her death will remain with me for the rest of mine, and i can only hope to see her again one day, but not for a long, long time.

i'm okay now, for the moment. honestly, ive just been rewatching all the videos i have of her, continuing to think of her and remembering her life with me. all that's left is to let the grieving process pass, i suppose. this is the last pic i got of sissy - this was from only a day before she started getting sick, can you believe that? i have others of her obviously, but this one i'm more comfortable with sharing.

on 4-15-2024 i said goodbye to the strongest chihuahua i've ever known and had the pleasure of raising 💖 may she rest in peace! :')

[eliotquillon]

rewatching the series and realised we never really see chase and cameron hug? she hugs house and even foreman before she hugs chase. she sleeps with chase before she hugs him. could you write something about the first time they hug? can be set at whatever point in the series. (ideally pre-fwb)

SORRY THIS TOOK ME FOREVER. this is a coda to 2x1 acceptance:

Cameron is a quiet crier, and for some reason Chase doesn’t find it all too surprising.

He finds her in the locker room with her head in her hands, shoulders shaking with every sharp, jerky breath; for a moment, Chase forgets himself and has to fight the instinct to reach out and put his arm around her. They’re not that kind of friends. They’re not even really friends full stop—which is for the best, Chase has always thought. Cameron is beautiful and stuck-up and kind but not always nice, and Chase sometimes thinks that if he really sat down and committed himself to it then he could probably fall in love with her, and then where would he be. Probably still here, he thinks. Watching her sob in the locker room, and not knowing what to do about it other than knowing he should probably do something.

“You alright?” he asks cautiously, and she blinks up at him through mascara-stained lashes. She doesn’t look frail, exactly—she’d slap him if she knew he was even thinking it—but there’s something brittle about her, like one wrong move will send her shattering into pieces. That’s never really been a word he’s associated with Cameron, not even when the Chen-Lupino baby died last year and she was suspiciously mute in differentials for the rest of the week; even Foreman once cut himself off mid-tirade about Cameron’s incessant moral compass to admit, she’s got to be strong to be this irritating. Seeing her like this feels voyeuristic, even if rationally Chase knows that if Cameron really didn’t want to be comforted then she would’ve waited until she got in her car to start sobbing. It’s what he would’ve done, anyway. “What happened?”

“She’s dying,” Cameron says hoarsely, scrubbing her cheeks with her sleeve. “My patient. Cindy. You were all right, about the cancer. She’s dying, and she doesn’t have anyone, and there’s nothing I can do.”

“She was dying well before she ever set foot in the clinic,” Chase says gently. “It’s not your fault.”

The funny thing is, Chase thinks, Cameron usually handles patient deaths better than him or Foreman—so long as she doesn’t have to inform the families. It isn’t that she’s casual about it, or that she doesn’t care; God forbid anyone accuse Cameron of not caring. But she handles it. She’ll be noticeably down for the rest of the day, and quiet when Chase and Foreman inevitably coax her out for an after-work drink, but she always takes it in her stride and moves on easily enough to helping the next person, treating the next patient. Chase had been surprised by it, the first time it happened—four months before Foreman showed up, her first two months on the job, congenital heart defect in a five year old that killed her before they could find it. He’d pegged Cameron, who’d been even more outspoken about her opposition to House’s worst methods back then, for the ‘keeping-deceased-patient-files-in-a-shrine’ type. But she’s not like that at all. Better than House, who gets obsessive, and Foreman, who gets a little mean and sometimes a little angry. Better than Chase, who likes to pretend he doesn’t care at all until there’s nobody watching. That’s how you end up crying in parked cars.

“I know it’s not my fault,” Cameron says tightly, “but that doesn’t make me feel any better.”

Chase wonders if he should bring up her husband. She’s never actually told him about it in explicit terms; House makes the occasional oblique reference, and sometimes Cameron gets a very distant look on her face whenever she talks about college, but that’s it. He knows he died, and can guess that it was cancer. It probably isn’t appropriate, but—

“I’m sorry,” Chase says. “It must be hard for you.”

“I nearly specialised in oncology, you know,” Cameron says, slanting a look at him under her lashes. “I thought I could give back after how great the doctors were with—my husband. It was cancer for him, too. I had my residency arranged, and they sent me the orientation schedule and I just—I couldn’t.” She smiles weakly. “I don’t know how Wilson does it and stays sane.”

“He’s friends with House,” Chase quips, “I don’t think he’s sane.”

Cameron smiles again, watery and bright, and before he can think any better of it Chase is pulling her into a hug. She’s limp at first, but she catches on quick; Cameron smells like lavender perfume and stale coffee, and if the little choked-up noise she makes is any indication then she’s going to leave a wet patch on his shoulder, and it’s sort of terrible and sort of nice. “It sucks,” Chase says into her hair, “and I’m sorry about your patient. You did everything you could. She’s lucky to have you for a doctor.” He squeezes her tight, and lets go.

Cameron’s meant to be on call tonight, but he trades shifts with her without a second thought and tells her to go home. “Thank you,” she tells him, hesitating by the locker room door; she looks awful, ponytail greasy and eyes red-rimmed, and Chase is beginning to think he might be in trouble. She starts as if to say something else, then shakes her head. “Thank you,” she says again, and he waits until she’s gone to let out a groan.

[frida--y]

blessed by the shugods!!

god I love kingoh, such an ambitious sentai... I think it really won me over in the end though!! The way it started with Jeramie's narration and the way it ended with it <3 I will say I loved the first half so much, the interpersonal royal drama of all- loved it. I also loved how it started to seed the story of redemption for the Bugnark with the introduction of Jeramie. I think it''s important to write a story of oppression and relationships. I do think it was overly ambitious in the end!! The bugs just got SO sidelined after the introduction of Duggy. But still, we got such a happy ending of not really homogenizing into one country, but to allow cultures to expand, to interact and grow from those interactions. Maybe love will bloom from it!!! I hope Jeramie tries to attend every wedding.. he would cry so much.

SO hard to say more from the story, it's such a packed one! Some things happen with such weight and then "it's actually fine no worries :)" next episode. I would of loved to see all the plot points fully expanded in a manga or a multi-season series.

THE CAST!!! THE RETAINERS!!!!!

You can really feel Taka's love for this series, he's really the show's biggest fan. Everyone feels fleshed out enough, and it's hard to pick a fav (it's jimmy). MAAN. What a show.. great passionate show tbh.

GOD is Kagu the best... BEAUTIFUL MAN. I loved all his focus episodes. It was also fun guessing how much he was playing Racles or helping him, and now knowing that he's been believing in Racles since the wedding just makes me want to rewatch.

Who else is the best.. Jeramie.. I LOVED it when he stopped talking between the lines and blurted out what he feels. It's so cute.

Even Himeno! I love how passionate she was on the kingoh legends, it's a difference from Yanma who vaules tech more and learns to have faith in the legends. Yanma's so full of charm, really love him too. Rita is the best, what else can I say..

Impossible to pick a hard fav from the main kings.. easy tie with Rita and Kagu though for the top.... and Jeramie. They each have their strengths and I'm glad we got to see the odd dynamics near the end too.

For Gira, I really liked him ever since the first episode. His acting was great! Although I loved the doomed and fated sibling relationship, I think the show should of showed us more of Gra's thoughts when he thought he killed Racles. It's not really implied he knew he didn't die (unlike according to bts), I think Gira should of been more fucked up he killed his only family... Yano did a good job displaying on his face how their first duel really messed him up.

Number one cunt in my life!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I LOVE HIM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Seeing through Racles lies/act was so satisfying, all the way back to his first fight with Gira, I knew something was up with him. I loved his seemingly emotionless behavior in the first half, when he had the all the chances to kill his brother and didn't take it, episode 20 was fantastic in this regard, and we got SUCH a treat with 42 telling us all of the truth. especially knowing all the context. And maaaaaaan, I knew his reaction to "killing" Yanma was special.. god if anything Kingoh gave us an amazing character arc with Racles. He had great dynamics with the other kings (Yanma n Jeramie in the second half), BUT I kinda wanted him to have more scenes with Rita though, considering he basically wrecked their country by trying to reveal the traitor. Him trusting Suzume with his life and wanting to reach out to Kagu <33333 one of my fav dynamics <33 tormented by the bees <;3 GOD kagrac was SOO real...

I love how his actions were never excused, both by the character and everyone. Just getting my thoughts about him during his worst validated was satisfying. His interactions with Jeramie and Yanma post reveal were my favorites.

Just.. being right about how power hungry he really was (not as an act).... Racles!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I usually don't get swayed by shipping art but.. Suzume and Racles fanart really sold me on them.. the show really helped too, but.. I think they're so cute lol. Re-falling in love after being married is so.. IT'S SO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

If I had ONE major complaint... other than the Bugnark's plight getting sidelined HARD in the second half, I think Suzume's character really fell to the wayside. I liked the Morphina and Suzume episode, but it really highlighted Kagu more than Suzume. It really should of been more about her feelings on ruling Tuofu than her dream of marrying someone she loved, cause why would that stop her from ruling???

ride or die couple of the year <3 they should of ended ON TOUFU WHERE RACCY WAS ON A FARM!!!!!!!!!!

kingoh :)

man. what a show!! Going to miss it a lot... crazy good highs in my opinion. The world is just rich enough to play around with it in your head, which makes it fun!!

bonus: my many pics of Yano

I can post many more..I will restrain.. one of the most gorgeous men I've seen <3 his long hair when he got married though............................... many thoughts. They should of let him keep his facial hair. I have been seeking out his other works so far and I really do hope the film Wheel and Axle gets a release... it showed at a film festival so I assume it must have a subtitle track done.

love him so much I made him a birb friend n dressed up my plush!!

[fictionfixations]

MAJOR UNTIL THEN SPOILERS

been watching tuonto play until then

I dont know what it is I mean. i joined the streams without any context (well listen i was there for the start. did not know it was but i saw like ryan and mark at the laptop and louise coming over and reveal of her playing games. except i didnt know who they were at the time lOl. thought it was cool but wasnt keeping up with it. then i ended up on the stream where nicole brings us to visit her grandparents and they're just fighting and it was raining and then theres the reveal with mark's mom being dead [well missing but]. and then we went to prom and cathy died and im just like what the fuck.)

but so i didnt really know what was going on but i still kinda cared? but like. so cathy died. and i did not cry. i was just 'what the fuck' and. like. a lot of surprise. and shock. (i was also thinking that maybe if we didnt go after her she wouldn't have died because she was walking towards us on the road. i also didnt know that apparently you can disappear when it rains if nobodys there to acknowledge that you are there and that you exist. i think. so uhm. i still wonder what wouldve happened if we turned back to see our mom though. or if we stopped.)

but so anyway. i did go back to watch all the until then streams after that. with all the context involved (did not see ending of cathy admitting that her homelife.. isnt that great. because that wasnt streamed yet. admitting in a recording i mean cause shes dead. but a chatter said that it was implied that they probably were abusive, and pointing out the marks on her skin cause her dress was like ripped in that slowed shot of her walking towards us.)

but i already knew what happened so shrug (it was very cool though. even though i was also rewatching scenes id seen before it didnt feel old at all. very invested.)

you know what got me crying?

THIS stupid scene in the other timeline where they're acting for ridel. about two ppl who havent seen each other for awhile. and the

memories of cathy actually being dead just came into this one and i just fucking bawled im being literal

(we dont see the memories actually affect us, its just a thing that we know. mark doesnt know cathy died he just. feelings. and also he got a hallucination of the truck..)

i dont know why but sad shit has been making me cry more than usual.

marks just starts crying and im already sobbing my eyes out like no you cant do this to me you 😭

anyway. i missed a bunch of the streams and not wanting to go them out of order ive been waiting to watch it all at once (also he apparently finished the game so now i really gotta go faster. i think i have like. a stream and a half to watch now.)

but so i dont know the ending pls dont spoil me

i just wanna say. god this game is so cool.

also i mightve been slacking off cause it seemed this timeline mightve been a worse timeline. and im like the kind of person to be like in fiction 'what if that person was me' and so i get super immersed. which also means i get all the shitty feelings too. so i was kinda worried. but its.. okay?

mark. just. kinda seems depressed though. like uh. more depressed?

i saw someone describe it as him having kind of given up (i also think his grades are worse? it didn't show us what his grades were but the principal mentioned that he needed to study more or he'll have to be kicked out or something which wasn't in the first run through)

and tbh. that mightve been because cathy just. died. which isnt really something you can just get over even if its been awhile. it still hurts, still something that lingers. an unexpected pain. or at least, a scar.

like. i cant imagine how hopeless it must've felt to be right there. to watch her die and be unable to stop it. and like. obviously since this is a mark who has also gone through that and is now in this timeline (although doesnt remember).. a part of him is still kinda feeling that loss, and also having done all this before that makes it feel pointless. and like he shouldnt try as hard, cause whats the point, right? what does it matter?

anyway im sad. im going to go back to watching the stream. (also cathy is my favorite i love her so much sduifhfeuhds

[jade-kyo]

RvB 20th rewatch: s3

And we’re at season 3. The point where I feel like the show really starts to find its identity!

I was trying to remember what the zealots were called and I accidentally called them faggots…

For me season 3 is really when the humor kicks into high gear

It really feels like this is when the characters identities found their footing and solidified

The O’Malley/Doc/Lopez/Vic/Wyoming evil team up is so brilliant, it cracks me up so much

“What was your code name?” “Nevada” Tex’s willingness to just fuck with people is great

This is also the season where Caboose became Sarges favorite blue

“So I guess if I’m not on the team and you’re not on the team then nobody’s on the god damn team! The team sucks” another heavily quoted line for me

I love that the guy named Wyoming has the most comical British accent

Tex calls Tucker her friend and I start frothing at the mouth

Allison name reveal from freaking Wyoming of all people

You know early on it really does seem like Grif wants to gain Sarges approval

The crackpot retcon time travel arc here makes more sense than the actual time travel arc in the shisno trilogy

Man Tucker really is the one who worries about Church the most

The domestic evil lifestyle with O’Malley, Doc, and Lopez is such a good bit

Ah yes grimmons parked in the shade for two hours…

Super strong Caboose introduction!!

“Well can we at least rule out the gay stuff?” Grif you’re the one who brought up gay me thinks you’re projecting

“I miss the old days when we didn’t risk our lives and you were all a bunch of nameless assholes I’d yell at with Church” THEY DONT KNOW THE HORRORS THAT ARE TO COME SCREAMING CRYING THROWING UP

THE SWORD!!!!!!!

I think it’s really interesting that Tucker doesn’t try to hype himself up about finding the sword- he just says it how it happened… idk I think it’s a good reflection of his character and what he’s actually like

Friendly reminder that Blood Gulch was an elaborate torture session to get the alpha to fragment more

CAPTAIN FLOWERS!!!!!

Since the time travel stuff with Church was a simulation does that mean Flowers actually had a heart attack or did the dude fr die from aspirin somehow unrelated to Church? Or was the time travel actually real and they were using Wyomings time distortion unit?? But like that was the only time travel that actually happened???

“Man first I kill myself then I realize I’m a honking dork” bro just like me fr

Requesting that Caboose speak at my funeral

“Mechanized… Americans” I cannot emphasize enough how much I love that line delivery it is one of my biggest vocal stims

Also a great example of how rvb has this sense of realness to its dialogue because people actually stutter and ramble on about a whole lot of nothing like that! It just makes the characters feel so relatable and real!

Church apologizing to Tex for getting her mixed up in everything and not being better for her and OH MY GOD THEY MAKE ME FERAL I AM ALSHAKBSKSHDKDH GOD HE HAS NO IDEA HE DOESNT KNOW WHAT THEYVE BEEN THROUGH!!!! HE DOESNT REMEMBER!!!!!!! YET HE STILL KNOWS SHE DESERVES BETTER AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH

Tex loves being part of the shenanigans omg she’s so silly. It’s what she deserves.

SHISNO!!!

Chex divorced but still in love vibes are immaculate man I love them so much

DONUT SCREAM LIKE A WOMAN

I love how O’Malley understands Lopez yet didn’t know he was being told to say stuff about his butt by Lopez

Donut discovers his bloodlust

I don’t really have a ton to say about the blood gulch seasons cause they’re the silly goofy seasons but I always enjoy rewatching them. They’re such a blast!