#god sorry im annoyed i guess
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dnp are so much worse than we could ever be. they bully us for being like omg they touched and then sit there screaming and giggling and kicking their feet because omg dan helped phil sort his fringe out in 2015 that’s soooo sweet!1!!1!!!!! 😭😭😭 omg did you see how they communicated without words?? 😱 they are so in tune with each other they have such a powerful connection 🥹🥰😆 so cute how dan was looking out for phil soulmate shit fr 🥺 let’s watch it again 😝😍🤣😵🤭🫨 like shut the fuck up?? fucking phannies?? you’re so embarrassing??
#it’s already annoying enough that we know they see two of anything and go ‘omg that’s us’#and that they send each other posts like ‘this was made for us 🥹’ and sit around going ‘oh my god that is SO us 🥺’ ‘i know! 🥺’ like go away#THEY HAVE A FRAMED PICTURE OF THEIR FINAL FANTASY CHARACTERS FFS WE CANT BEAT THAT#they are the biggest phannies there’s no competition#knowing that helps me sleep at night#i’m like ok being a phannie humiliating and shameful but it could be worse i could be dnp#/j#self love is good i guess#hi sanj if you see this im sorry for neglecting you i haven’t not been on twt#dnp#dan and phil#phan#dip and pip#d&p#dapg#danandphilgames#dick and penis#yeet my deet#dan howell#daniel howell#amazingphil#phil lester#danisnotonfire#yeet my deenp#tatinof#dnptit#pp42??#bog#tmogar
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looks like I can draw again!!
Sebastian called him "orphan" for the rest of the week.
#YEHAAAAAH MATEE GUESS IM GOING TO ANIMATION SCHOOL#IT WAS ALL WORTH IT. and now it's all over#actually this may mean I'Il be busier later... but for now- I'm back into the swing of things! kuro art; thoughts; tears; and what have you#it feels like a while since I've posted a big project so I hope I can make it up by finally getting back to the one's ive had in my WIPs!#thank god I got this thingy done. my brain is firing again so i gotta keep up#I know how to draw cars😅🙃#sorry if the eccess of screen prints is annoying I was experimenting#modern!au#kuroshitsuji#black butler#kuroshitsuji fanart#fanart#sebastian michaelis#ciel phantomhive#digital art#o!ciel#this would make a good ad but no not sponcered😌#sebastian starts vibrating
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like, logically I am aware that honeysuckle is invasive in my area and that I should be glad it doesn’t grow in my backyard, But. on the other hand. tasty nectar treat :(
#lindsey shut up#ignore me I just spent an hour yanking up wild blackberry canes#and while I do like blackberries they gotta gtfo#i found fucking. Oregon Grape growing in the brush back there#and that’s also not native. but you see.#there were TWO Oregon Grapes. a big one and a little baby one right next to it.#and im not a monster. wtf am I going to uproot a mommy plant right in front of her baby plant???#so I guess we just have Oregon Grapes now (annoyed)#(they don’t even taste good)#i can’t get this butterfly weed to sprout for the fucking life of me#but by god I can grow shitty grapes that don’t even taste good#Oregon Grape 🤝 muscadines 🤝 being shity grapes I don’t like but can’t stop growing#these tags got out of hand. sorry
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the goddamn show came out
#no actual hate tbf i dont think its BAD but. very annoying on a personal level if youre greek sorry 💀#i think the past couple weeks have been horrible for a lot of reasons and i do not have the energy to like#be reminded of dull takes on our mythos every 3 seconds esp when they hardly even acknowledge greece exists its just fandom blorbo shit#its annoyingggg its annoying i dont wanna see it i want it Gone#i actually think pj itself is a pretty middling example of this though. again its not bad esp compared to like booktok shit#a lot of it is often the /fandom/ but even still i find it annoying#at the very least the show does have jason mantzoukas which is more than the books did w like. acknowledging greece lol#to be clear tho i dont think all the characters have to be greek or played by greek ppl i think its cool to have a diverse cast play gods#and their kids and whatnot. its mostly just abt like somekinda nod to where youre taking it from i guess? acknowledging the culture#that still exists! in the books they go to fucking italy ffs whats the deal#basically i have complaints and find it annoying bc it doesnt care about greece like most things about.... greek mythos#so im not excited to see it all over my dash i just think its very annoying personally sorry#ppl can still like it and have fun with it idc abt that but doesnt mean i have to like it either 🤷♂️#ergo. blacklist my best friend do your thing and get it away from me. and we will all be at peace again
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Hello there 👋👀,
So I just found your blog and had a lot of fun scrolling through all the pjo show crit😂 I couldn't help but notice that one tag you left on a post where you said you had some beef with Annabeth's portrayal in the books 👀 Would you mind elaborating on that if you're comfortable with it🙈? Because I absolutely share that sentiment, but it's sooo veeeery rare that I see other people express anything like it... I've found that trying to be a part of the fandom can be pretty alienating most of the time, if you're not exactly the biggest most devoted Percabeth shipper...😅 And often any criticism leveled at Annabeth just gets you a smack with the "internalized-misogyny" hammer... it's even worse in the tv show now due to... obvious reasons...
Again just if you're comfortable with answering of course🙈 There is a reason I stayed on anon after all...😅😂
Really glad you asked because i finally get to ramble about this heheheh (going forward, know that i skimmed over The Last Olympian to have a clearer sense of what I meant because that's the book where Rick fumbles her character more than the others)
i'm gonna try to make as much sense as possible but short answer would be, she's underdeveloped. Long answer:
She really got on my nerves in the last two books, with the whole Rachel debacle and then the Battle of New York. I can't really remember a single moment in those books where she and Percy aren't bickering or having heated discussions, which really made me question their friendship status. Of course, it's not like friends can't fight and it obviously builds up the (romantic) tension between them, but it got unbearable at one point.
I understand she's a teenager in an incredibly stressful situation that didn't even get to have a normal upbringing- she grew up way too fast (run away at 7, head counselor at 12) while also not really maturing, which is not a problem for a character, if it is handled properly. Given the fact that I am writing this, Riordan did not.
On the surface, my biggest beef is that Annabeth is not exactly held accountable for her actions (ie. treating Rachel a bit like shit and going off on Percy for a bunch of stuff.) I know Percy is to blame a bit here: as far as we know, in TLO he basically cuts the greek world out of his life as much as he can as a coping mechanism. And while yes, he never apologizes either, he doesn't give her nearly half the hard time she gives him: always either giving him the cold shoulder (there must be at least one example of this in the entire series but i cant be bothered to look it up sorry) or starting an argument only to then storm off (see the "you're a coward, Percy Jackson!" scene, which is not the fairest example since she was confronting Percy about ignoring camp but also was a bit too harsh about it) (especially after finally reading the prophecy and being under the impression that he was absolutely going to die when he turned 16 lmao) or just straight up storming off (see, Annabeth reacting when Rachel shows up for the first time during the battle of new york). While most of these feel, at least to some degree, fairly justified given how the entire situation does an absolute number on her emotions, she comes off a bit brattish and like she's trying to rile Percy up, especially when it comes to Rachel, which in the context of a battle that could mean the destruction of the world.... Well, it reads as a bit childish to me, and i wouldn't exactly have that much of a problem with it if it was dealt with in some way (a two-way apology would be nice).
After that first impression, i realized that Annabeth is barely ever anything else other than a plot device (when relating to Luke) or a love interest (when relating to Percy). This might be because the books are on Percy's POV. Hell, on the third book he's even conflicted when Annabeth is considering joining the Hunters of Artemis, aka, when making a choice for herself would mean he loses her (which is fine and dandy but it feels like Percy is more upset about her choosing her own path rather than being sad about not seeing her as often); we really only get a few glimpses of her, as in, actually her when she's on her own.
Obviously it's impossible to talk about Annabeth without touching on percabeth, which also is, in my opinion, what hinders Annabeth's character the most. On paper they sound great. The guy whose fatal flaw is loyalty falls in love with a girl whose been let down by people over and over, and she decides to never give up on the boy whose always had people give up on him (can't find one of the million posts that talks about this right now but it always goes something like that) And yeah, the bickering is really well written! But that's literally as far as it ever goes: they don't ever seem to have fun together, because 8 times out of 10 the bickering ends up being passive aggressive, and mostly done by Annabeth. My biggest gripe about percabeth is that their friendship seems to be based off... shared trauma. Literally. Other than going on quests together we are given no examples of them hanging out, nor a reason why they would want to spend time together in the first place, not even a shared hobby. Yes, in the fourth book they had a movie "date" planned but of course they didn't even get to it, and surprise surprise, they had a minor discussion, and surprise surprise, Annabeth was passive aggressive again. It's hard to picture them having fun together when even the author doesn't write in any scenes in which they get along smoothly (and before you say anything, a scene in which they get along where neither of them is about to die, and they're not talking about previous adventures. Gets a bit hard then, doesn't it?) It's even harder to picture them as a couple when the moment she gets upset about something, she starts coming off as emotionally manipulative (see, again, literally any conversation with Rachel or about Rachel)
To be fair, the books are relatively short and don't allow many "filler" chapters, if you will; there's always something happening to keep the main plot or a minor plot point moving forward, but it's not like there is no room to develop the characters' relationships, especially when we're talking about the main char and what is essentially his endgame. As an example we have Percy and Clarisse, or Percy and Beckendorf. Their interactions are brief but still hold so much weight.
Worst of all, Annabeth could be one hell of a character; what's most interesting of all is how being a daughter of Athena she is still incredibly emotionally driven, which is displayed very clearly with her fatal flaw being pride: her telling the Sphynx that her questions were too easy was not smart nor strategic: it was completely impulsive. I seriously think she wasn't far from being the best character in the series had she been given more time.
I guess i have as much beef with Annabeth as i have with Rick for doing her dirty. I really could sum this up with: while her emotions are justified, she acts upon them quite poorly. And this is what i mean when i say she's underdeveloped, because it would've been nice to see her come to her senses a bit.
Would love to read anyone's opinions on her character though, feel free to comment, even (or especially) if you don't agree with me!
#pjo crit#anti percabeth#annabeth chase#percy jackson#tbotl#pjo tlo#the last olympian#percy jackson and the olympians#congrats anon on being my first ask!!!#sorry if it's too long or rambly i just have so many thoughts about her.#i dont hate her i dont even dislike her im just conflicted about her. sad that half of her conflict was being jealous over a boy#like yeah i guess said boy was the first real friend she ever had but also rick wrote it in a very “girls fighting over boy” kind of way#didn't really write it to make it seem like annabeth's reasons were anything more than just a hormonal teen acting out. there were no layer#sometimes i feel like im being unfair to annabeth and that maybe her being emotional and mean sometimes is her character and#she's actually written well and i just don't like her? but then i think over it and im not ready to give rick that kind of credit lmao#i truly believe he wrote her beef with rachel to entertain middle graders without really thinking twice about it#annabeth adds to the drama with her passive aggressive comments but at what cost.... maybe im reading too much into it idk#maybe i just find boy drama annoying..#but making it so that rachel is bound to maidenhood was such a lazy way to get rid of her as a romantic interest#the way rick butchered her character and any char dev for any of them in the tv show by rushing so many things... god. that's another story#if there are any typos i'll edit them later but my eyes are dry af right now and its late jdsjdfh anyway i hope my takes were interesting?#maybe i don't have that much beef with annabeth herself but the fact that percabeth is seen as the best endgame couple when i don't see it
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Your post about misogynistic/patriarchal women really resonated with me and I empathize SO much girl I would be rich if I had a dollar for every single time i’ve seen a woman say some variant or another of “women are WAY worse than men!!!!” and wholeheartedly mean it. It ESPECIALLY makes me feel like the Joker when I see women who by all means carry themselves as feminist/progressive say shit like “misogynistic women are way worse than misogynistic men!!!” or some other misogynistic gaslighty bullshit that came straight from the ancient misogyny playbook.
I wish there was more of us having the space and drive to criticize our own sex class’ actions in a fair and just way without carrying the guilt of how our sex class is treated & without also following the subconscious path of least resistance (woman bad, man good). I wish there were more outlets for us to just be so fucking for real with each other, but in the way of respect, maturity, empathy, dignity, and accountability. I wish we all had more self awareness about the patterns we perpetuate.
It sucks when you not only have to cope with 50% of the population automatically hating you because of the morally neutral biological sex you happened to develop as in the womb, but you also have to deal with the members of your OWN sex perpetuating the cycles of subjugation and working against their own interests on top of that because of how deeply the knife of misogyny is plunged into our stomachs. As an individual girl/woman in the world, you have to incessantly deal with and mentally prepare for the indiscriminate bombardment of misogyny that is almost guaranteed to sneak up on you from every single direction possible. Feeling like you have close to no true allies, or only very few of them on a global scale. It’s a brutal, harrowing feeling.
It definitely gave me more insight into how the human mind copes with pain and injustice in bizarre and miserable ways, I guess. Newlyy I am ripping off the skin of my face thinking about this, it truly is suffocating. The patterns, the cycles, the history repeating itself!!!! I see you and I get it
exactly. you're completely right. no notes.
#one note i was on tiktok this morning#and saw a tiktok of a guy who was like idk fucking 40 or something and hes like showing his house which is still like#decorated like a college guy apartment like he ued a hockey stick as a curtain rod for example#and he was being self deprecating but clearly thought it was more charming than embarrassing#but anyway his voiceover is like 'guys if youre in your twenties and have a girlfriend lock that down and marry her or you'll end up like m#and it was so annoying cause like first of all male no one is forcing you to live like this. you could choose to live like an adult even#though you thankfully dont have a mommy--sorry a wife#second its so annoying that hes like telling other guys hey be sure to marry a girl so she can do all these adult things that you dont want#to do#but finally#the reason im sharing this here#is because there were soooooo many comments from women being like 'dont worry! youre some womans cup of tea! just keep looking'#or like 'wheres the green flag guy?' referncing a guy i guess on tiktok who like takes note of green flag male behavior#to be fai there were other women in the comments saying like thank god you aren't married. no woman should have to deal with this#i just hate when women baby men
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does anyone have recommendations for fictional media that has like. actual lesbians in it. not like supergirl Two White Skinny Girls, One Blonde and One Brunette Kiss media, or "its implied lesbianism!!!" but just regular fucking lesbians
#i say lesbians but i guess i mean sapphic#im just like. tired of gnawing#and of men also. sorry men in my life i love you but on god if i have to pretend one more man is butch just to get#content that isnt m/m or m/f im going to turn into a horse and run into the wilderness until im saved from the glue factory by a plucky#young woman except instead of letting her have her formative summer where she trains me and bonds w me and wins a competition w me#im going to commit horse suicide in front of her & change her life forever. just because im so tired of bland CW-marketable women kissing &#digging for scraps in a refuse bin while brushing aside 7002993829292929939292929399394 gay and het romances#m text#i will also take nonfictional lesbians if its like a story#not to be whiny on main but one of the hardest hurdles i had to jump wasnt realizing i was a lesbian. i came out to myself and to friends a#lesbian multiple times. but i would always walk it back when a friend would express doubt or a male friend would ask me out#bc i dont and especially then didnt know very many lesbians in person. and so i had to turn to examples#and all i fucking had were fictional women who liked men. or fictional lesbians who were so cleaned and sanitized and prettified#(you all know what i mean right. the 2 skinny white girls one blonde one brunette. im not crazy right)#and i would be like. i dont feel things when i look at these fictional lesbians so i guess i belong back here#(this is also bc my gender ended up being fuckier than i realized but shhhhh)#I WAS GOING SOMEWHERE WITH THESE TAGS but theyre too long and im lost.#anyway the point is if people werent so fucking weird abt fictional or onscreen lesbians maybe thered be a lot more people comfortable bein#out as lesbian#like sorry but this awful ouroboros of 'all lesbians onscreen have to be cute and sanitized' meaning that people write and believe wlw has#to be cute and pure and sanitized (OR a 'badge of honor' bc good for u u doodled two women together or had it as a background in ur fic)#meaning that therefore all portrayals of lesbianism continue to be like this. is just#and im also gonna be honest theres probably a lot of good sapphic media im just in the wrong circles to have stumbled into lol. so#yknow. personal viewer bias here#but i still like swing wildly between overly brandishing my dykeness as a badge to feel like im proving im lesbian#and like. backing up under a blanket bc i dont wanna be weird or annoying or freak people out#but if people just Saw Normal Ass Lesbians. aough.#im going to watch revolutionary girl utena one of these days even if i struggled w the writing style the first few episodes#I JUST WANNA SEE AN OLD BUTCH ONSCREEN GET SOME PUSSY.#like it also doesnt help im mostly femme4butch so seeing 2 femmes on screen is like. okay cool so what. but only femmes are 'marketable'
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everyday im realizing more and more that i really do have to put all my effort to keep focused in order to follow any type of media, be it books or shows or movies (not to mention podcasts which are absolutely impossible for me to listen). and idk, sometimes it gets so frustrating like... even if i deliberately try and concentrate on every single word i hear i always end up tuning out without realizing it and i am watching/reading but at the same time i am not? at all?? when it's bad i have to rewind or reread or whatever the same passage for more than 5 times and every time i get angrier and angrier at myself because come on!! it should not be this fucking difficult, especially when i am trying to pay attention!
on a related note, now i understand why i always remember so little about the things i read or watch. maybe it has less to do with my memory and more to do with the fact that most of the time im not even there with my mind
#sorry for the vent oof#this blog is just me becoming increasingly more aware of all my problems concentrating i guess#it's not something that happens every single time. but it happens frequently enough to become annoying#ironically i can focus better if i have something to do like chores or crocheting or picking at my nails etc#or if i have a text to follow along for example#but if i sit in front of the tv and try to follow something im generally lost after 5 minutes#like you can ask me things about a scene we just watched and on god i wouldn't know what to tell you#shut up mila
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Persona romance routes are all pretty bad but damn they really hit rock bottom with p3p femc route like the misogyny is very blatant and it’s almost hilarious like look at the Shinjiro romance. When you do his social link he’s like very clearly respectful of Kotone as a leader and explicitly says stuff like "oh yeah you’re clearly the best fighter we have, I don’t really know much about fighting like you do, I hope I’m not dragging you down, you’re doing a good job as leader just remember to take care of yourself, everyone looks up to you I know you can rely on them" etc. like he has faith in her leading abilities. But then when you romance him he’s like got dialogue like "bwah bluh i gotta look after you because you’re a GIRL and you need to stick by me, a big strong MAN so you don’t get hurt" and "don’t wear that revealing outfit in front of other guys 👺" and it’s like. Does he respect her or not and also like it doesn’t make sense for him to look down on her for being a girl cuz he literally has never not been led by a girl leader during his time in sees and Mitsuru in particular really has her shit together when it comes to being responsible and a good fighter and she’s always known the most about Tartarus
It’s also like. Idk maybe its just me I’m not a girl so FUCK IF I KNOW but to me the appeal of romancing Shinji is the fact that he’s sweet and sensitive and gentle and has respect for you despite the fact that he acts all scary. That’s like, what made me like this character in the first place. But the writers seem to think what women want is for a BIG STRONG MAN to protect them because they are just DELICATE WOMEN who are inferior in every way it’s like. Shut upppp thanks
#persona#persona 3#shinjiro aragaki#this is soooooooo obviously not the only romance route that sucks in this game yall know which one im referring to 🤨#and i actually tend to think of the shinji romance as the best one in the series cuz at least his confession scene is the only unique one#that really highlights who he is as a character and goes with the story#but ughh just idk its so annoying how the writers cant decide if hes sexist or not its really weird and its like#really shows how poorly the writers think of women playing their game its like all the romance options are trash and then your boyfriend is#sexist to you and its so clearly done in a way thats supposed to be romantic which is. ew#like idk if my partner was like talking about how i need to stay close to them because im a weak girl and they are strong man#especially when im literally the leader of the team and have been doing perfectly fine thus far and am clearly the strongest here#id simply run him over with a bulldozer#and its like this will all the guys in this game its like girl shut up and eat glass#meanwhile when youre a male protagonist your gf will kiss your ass to the point its infuriating#and their character arcs can never be too grand cuz then they might not wanna fuck you if they realize they have worth#uh sorry my brain is all over the place basically i hate persona romances lol and i hate how they wrote shinji in his#like dammit i dont want him cuz hes gonna protect me like a man i want him cuz he isnt great at fighting and prefers cooking and puppy dogs#and has respect for me and trusts my judgement and asks me to talk about my life and interests and smiles sweetly#but god forbid a woman in this series be respected i guess
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i guess im being offered the job lol
#i didnt even have to interview????? here i was worrying about oh god going for an interview#but i guess not???#manager called me just now and was like hey i spoke w the people they want to know if you can start on these dates#like. okay???????#theres a week of training for me to do and then the following week id start at thee job#like an idiot as i was saying bye on the phone i only remembered then that i should have asked if it was PAID training ugh.#im assuming so . but maybe not. idk#im gonna call him back on monday to give my answer#this is it.... i may finally be free of the annoying people....#but like anything i have my trepidations. bc who know if itll work out#well thats life. as the song goes#fortunately im still within the timeframe to change the amount for my commuter benefits pretax card thing#bc the monthly pass id need for the new job#costs like less than half of what i pay now for the bus to ny#crazyyyyy. anyway i gotta do that if i decide to take the job#its more money (a little. but still more. ok its like a dollar and 4 cents more. which not a lot but still)#i get more sleepytime (always good) and im saving on commuting#plus ill only have to pay nj (and federal) taxes. instead of also paying ny yay. thats good#sorry again weighing the pros and cons onstage here#UH. what else#well a shorter commute is good but it means less reading/music listening time#although ive only resumed reading recently lol#idk. well then i could read at home and not worry about my books getting messed up#these past couple weeks ive been :( that the like 70-something year old paperback ive been taking is getting a bit rougher#only a little. but yesterday it got a bit wet bc my bag got soaked in the rain#why am i taking a super old book to work well i dont know what to tell you we have some old books#ok getting off topic. everything seems good about the new job so fuck dude i guess ill go for it#finally free of the stupid people here.... on to new stupid people (undoubtedly)#well it's probably all good then but unfortunately i always worry what if it isnt. hm
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the problem with writing a fantasy loosely based on a historical culture is you need to decide how "loose" you're willing to go. like yeah i know they didn't have silk but fuck you there's a literal god sitting right the fuck there and of course he would want that shit. but also would the protagonist know what the fuck a book is?
#sorry i'm bouncing between my novel and B&D's next chapter#at least we know they had cannabis#god and his weed smoking polycule#edit: btw if anyone was curious the answer is no#i'm willing to fudge some years bc fantasy but not by the thousands that separate this time period from books as we think of them#which is annoying bc linen was also not a thing yet#or it was super expensive#so guess who needs to go change a bunch of instances of the fucking word linen#every so often im struck with the question 'wait was that a thing yet?' and it's like a 50/50 shot i need to rewrite something because of i#probs closer to 80/20 because even if it exists it exists in a much different context#like the linen thing#at least it makes some good jumping off points for learning about history#nothing like asking what sorts of dates (fruit) would have been available and in what season to send you down the rabbit hole#and find out scientists revived the extinct judean date palm with 2000 year old seeds#and the fruit tastes like honey#big fan of the fact the first one that they were able to grow was a male and they named him Methuselah
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Jobs for someone not cut out for real life but who excels at mimicry
#idfk#im like good at saying the right thing but i feel like in my heart i know#im a failure#i am not good at anything really in any stunning way. im ugly im hard to talk to#im good at liking many niches of music. im good at roleplay. im good at having fun sometimes#idk. i was so chipper last week#i feel like a pagliacci stupid clown whose life is in crumbles around him#i cant keep talking to people and seeing the contempt in their eyes when i fumble my words#i have a stutter now like. howd that happen i didnt when i was a kid#but a couple years ago it started and its been. worse in the last few months#im so like. i feel like such a failure#likea fake person who had so many opportunities to make my life real#pinocchioesque maybe#ughhh#im just feeling sorry for myself sorry guys#im trying to draw here at 1 am bc. i kinda drew something kinda nice the other night but#every compliment ive ever gotten feels unearned and like. a social lie#like imposter syndrome but im an imbecile for real and also the lamest person ever#i cant make friends. i seem to be annoying in an unnameable way to everyone who has ever met me but no one will have the decency to tell me#why#i have been longing for the past a bit lately too. nothing in particular though? just like.... how i felt about the future when i was young#and full of hope#i had a horrible childhood. i didnt enjoy being there and my dad always seemed preoccupied with the fact i would grow up and not want to#be his friend anymore?#but in an adult now and he seems to never have time for me#and he didnt back then either idk#i guess im sensitive to that. and i struggle myself#if smthing is transitory its unreliable and therefore i should wait it out#haha learned behavior!!! autism!!!! but god i feel so lonely and stupid. im gonna#draw my teddy bear giving me a hug
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btw similar to the whole "if you try adderall at a party and it calms you down, get an adhd test" thing, if at some point in your life you try microdosing shrooms with a friend and end up feeling like a functional person for the first time in your life, get tested for depression. like yeah hallucinogens come with elation so youre probably gonna have some "this is the best ive ever felt in my life" vibes regardless, but like. if that in and of itself feels like finally breathing in for the first time in years, thats for sure a sign that something is up with your ability to process serotonin most of the time. feeling better than ever before should be a nice bonus, not a crushing weight off your chest
#fun fact there are currently multiple ongoing studies vis a vis the effectiveness of psilocybin on depression#both on its own and as a companion to ssris#psylocybin targets the 5ht2a serotonin receptors which wikipedia tells me are more numerous in the brains of those with depression#so like. if you spend most of your life feeling like your brain is an aquarium with a leak in it and serotonin is the water and your default#state is 'slightly damp gravel grinding painfully against itself' thats ummm not normal 👍#and on the flipside of that if you have depression that no other med has worked for and know a guy. its 1000% worth it#origibberish#also i say 'wikipedia tells me' as if i just looked it up but that all comes from a long night of spite filled research after i asked my#psychiatrist if we could use the fact that psylocybin worked for me as a basis to like. narrow down which legal antidepressant#might work instead of basically just throwing darts at a board every time#and after several minutes explaining to her that i was not just asking her to prescribe me shrooms but in a legal way she went#'ohhhh yeah no unfortunately theres been no research into that‚ yeah.... sorry......:)'#which. as far as 'lies you come up with on the spot to avoid having to say i dont know' go‚ that is. maybe the worst one to pick#like. 'no‚ thats not an option'? alright fine maybe theres some internal rules or something who knows#'theres no research' though just. immediately tanks any and all credibility 100% even on its own but considering the subject matter?#youre telling me. that humans. the famously curious species that researches fucking Everything. and also Loves playing with drugs. when#trying to figure out how to make drugs that make brains feel good. would not start with the drugs they already knew made brains feel good.#youre telling me that not one (1) singular scientist tried shrooms and went 'oh my god wait. i dont feel like im dying for the first time#ever. holy fuck i need to study this'#complete misplay. absolutely legendary fumble. there were so many ways to fuck it up and somehow you found the worst. congratulations#om the other hand though. really was an excellent setup for the punchline that is the voicemail i have from them saying she'd been fired LOL#they didnt say what for specifically but yknow. based on my own experiences i certainly have theories jebfksbfk#it was annoying in the moment but at the end of the day i have shrooms and she doesnt have the job so. whos laughing now emily KSBFKSBFKDN#this is what i mean though like. rn i feel fine. not on top of the world‚ not like a god#just. fine. i just dont feel like shit. i feel like i can do stuff if i want to‚ or chill peacefully and have it actually be. relaxing.#i dont feel like gravel right now‚ i feel like a person.#and god what a fucking relief it is#really i guess the moral overall is that if at any point you react to trying a new drug the same way an addict craving a hit for days would#then there maybe is something up with your brain chemistry because that means your default state of existence is comparable to that#of withdrawal. a famously shit experience
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need to rant about wrestling to my f/os immediately .
#LISTEN . i know ilja vs gunther 3 is like. i know it's better if its on a ppv and not a random raw episode BUT COMEEE ON#MAKING JEY BEAT ILJA *CLEAN* IS FUCKING INSANE#IF U DONT WANT TO MAKE JEY LOOK BAD THEN LIKE BRING GUNTHER IN OR FUCKING LUDWIG OR WHATEVER#MAKE THEM COST ILJA THE MATCH SO HE DOESNT LOOK FUCKKGN WEAK I MEAN#dude#i used to feel neutral on jey and then i liked him and then i went back to neutral but now i kind of wanna join my friend on the hate train#THEY KEEP SHOVING HIM EVRYWHERE LIKE ?!?!? sorry i dont think he should've won this match .#god im so annoyed i love wrestling but its so. frustrating sometimes i feel like everytime im confident in my guess of how the match is -#gonna go wwe like scans my brain and chooses to go the complete opposite direction#TIRED OF IT !!!!! And tired of jey
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Yall the discourse right now on twitter fandom 💀💀💀💀
#my god this is like 2013 all over again hahahahahah#i think ex larries turned solos or ex larries turned antis are probably the most annoying people in this fandom#they can be the best people you have ever met fun and all#but my gooooddd they constantly tease and bother larries for the dumbest shit#i dont understand the process behind going to interact with the side of fandom you don’t like#only to piss them off ? makes no sense#why you engage with their contents if you don’t agree? are you seeking validation or what#larrie or not u don’t love louis like i do so just go off i guess (this is my toxic trait and im not sorry)
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I’m so tired. I’m always tired. This suuuucks. and I’m sad and shitty. I know it’s only been a couple of weeks, but I don’t think remeron is a workin for me. Accidentally typed “wormin for me” at first. I wish it was wormin for me. Why won’t you worm for me?😔
#anyone against antidepressants and stuff just… I guess… don’t read this? or follow me 🤷🏻♂️#anyways… I haven’t been on tumblr much. just not feeling it. I’m gonna lose all of my mutuals.#I was supposed to adjust to it. instead uhhhhh ah just in bed#I’m always low energy now#and now im having anxiety about telling my doc I don’t want to be on this prescription#which is like… apparently this is his go-to drug. which is already kinda ehhhh maybe a red flag. preference influencing prescriptions#hey sorry your fav drug kinda sucks#blegh#this might be looking a gift horse in the mouth but I did get incredulous when the only acclimating side effect I got was sleepiness#ever other med I’ve tried has had more annoying side effects#which… god this sounds so stockholm syndrome… but you’d think ‘oh this is rewiring my brain so it MUST have some real initial side effects’#feels like I’m basically taking benadryl that lasts all day or something#funny I just posted saying it was okay a few days okay. yeah it’s okay. until you get tired of being tired all the time#body! adjust already!#I have an appointment with my primary this week so I’ll talk with him about it I guess#went to the movies the other day and almost fell asleep during#I’ve basically been in bed all day. tonight I got really depressed for no real good reason. this sucks. sucks butt.#you can ignore this#text
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