#god i wanna do things to that man…��.. i am unwell actually

[thekitofit]

• Lt. Bush •

[ reblog please instead of only liking and save an artist's life ✨ commissions open ✨ ko-fi ]

[qvirkycrxxtvre]

I’ve decided whilst tripping balls on mushrooms this evening that I will be posting here a tad more.

What it is, is I keep a diary on my notes app on my phone, but I’m deciding to just like, move it. Here.

I say this because I feel like it’s such a waste to live the life I live and it to be told to no one. I know I have this conclusion bc I have dead relatives that didn’t have the literacy to document their stories and I remember my family asking me to listen to these terribly scary familial stories in hopes I would do something good with them, make some kind of art. I won’t.

I don’t talk to my family anymore.

Pause rephrase

I’m not telling you my name, but I want whoever reads this to know this blog will contain the incredibly intimate thoughts of a mentally unwell woman. Me.

I need help, and I’m sure I’ll get there. Hold on I need to restart again

I need it to be known my Husband is a good man, who is coping with a very traumatized wife. My life has always been very interesting and I guess I feel an upswing to that coming soon again. I was one of those who grew up chronically online and had unrestricted internet access starting at the age of 6 maybe, but I still had access even at 3

$€£¥

Sorry okay back back back Maybe I’ll make a notation yup let’s do $€£¥ to notate whenever my ADHD brings me away from my writing so if the thought is incomplete but it’s still in the entry, that’s what happened.

I uh. Used to have a very very public diary. Multiple. Some way more public than others. I don’t really value privacy, my Husband is doing his best to teach me these things like what’s okay and what’s expected but like

It’s fucked okay anyways I think I gave the disclaimers I needed

Fuck the world building I just need to recap all the shit that went down, ugh I can feel it in my guts that I’m supposed to go write a scathing yelp review but no I, I wanna write it in my diary ya feel me? Maybe if I don’t write terribly, I can copy paste lmfao okay sorry back back back

Or actually does it matter? I can’t remember okay yes okay hold

Yes so that notation worthy pause was me reminiscing on our night so so hard that I felt the need to message my friend about the night but then I remembered I literally am starting a diary as a coping mechanism to get the crazy things I need to say out of me without disturbing my life via messaging actual friends or my Husband to start crazy stuff when I really just need a place to vent.

$€£¥

Sorry, see this is why we don’t have Hemingway ass writers modern day. I’m telling you, if I could focus long enough to tell you my adventures it would be like The Sun Also Rises ahhh it’s always interesting starting a public diary bc it’s like damn I have to introduce myself kind of like not really, I talk about myself and rehash my life on a daily basis so I guess whatever one doesn’t know about me, you can find out in a few days when I get to it.

My brain is literally so Wattpad (where I once had a public diary) that I’m trying to title this project to a degree. Eh,it’ll come in time.

Ugh. I took my meds and when they kick in I’ll go to bed and I’ll still haven’t told anyone about tonight ahhhh

You need to understand that I’m considerably slow processing speed wise but like when given the time to get there, I have a lot of mind.

Anyways. Okay I think I’m finally not tripping balls.

My Husband is asleep in bed next to me. We got home not too long ago- it’s 12:48PM- put the baby to bed, ate our pizza burgers joyously.

$€£¥

See okay cool now I can just tell it here

God so, there was obviously a time before I was married. I still have friends from that time period.

I currently play DnD on a weekly basis with my Husband, my middle school best friend, anddd

our DM. We jokingly call him Daddy Master because of a typo my Friend made in the group chat.

But god, if she only knew.

I keep getting distracted writing on here because obviously, I want to tell her something.

It’s “What I wouldn’t do to have gone home with Daddy Master tonight”

I hate knowing there was a time when that could have been what happened.

We had some dumb pizza and beer issues tonight and honestly, he handled it. It’s so fucked, I loved a masculine man. I love someone taking lead. I love someone driven to protect. Ugh, and his car was so so clean

So, we ordered food right? But it never came. It was some bullshit. So two hours later, Daddy Master in the front seat, my Friend in shotgun, me behind Daddy Master and my Husband behind my friend

Okay see pause and go back again, the reason calling this guy Daddy Master is extra funny to me, is because I literally used to go to this man when I was younger to get my fill of DD/lg play (it was a trade, I had to do feet stuff for him idk) and like this was all on a friends level because like

Like how I mentioned previously, I don’t entirely understand privacy and something that comes in tandem with that is I also didn’t understand boundaries and what was for people in relationships vs family vs friends of that makes sense.

Anyways. Uh, my Friend doesn’t know how I know our DM. My Husband knows to an extent. That we met on tinder. Same place I met my Husband, years later.

What the fuck was I trying to say

Oh

God I just, my husband isn’t… sexy when he’s mad. He’s effeminate, in like a whimper/panic stutter frustration way, but then also he’s… he’s prone to hit… things…

But Daddy Master? Bruh.

$€£¥

Sorry. Okay I need like a 4th person pronoun that isn’t “Chat” that I can reliably say to address the readers or else Bruh and bro (my default words) are going to be everywhere here

Dearest Reader. DeRe. Boy if that don’t look like someone making fun of John Deer products in the sponagar voice

Ugh

Anyways, I think I WILL make content on here. A mixed media diary. I used to do comic strip diaries at one point. I won’t take it that far but def anticipate some soundgasm audios attached here and there

I want to tell people things but I feel the meds kicking in, and it’s so late at night.

I’m going to go listen to some audios and jill off now. Ugh. I’ll become a better writer as this goes, I’m sure

Goodnight 1:24AM

05202024

[joshriku]

Hello! do you have any cherik fic recs?

i have . so many. (pukes and cries) this is gonna be long but to start off i'm gonna give you my ultimate faves of like. each iteration. so i can be insane. i won't make summaries bc im bad i will just tell you how insane i am.

general thing that none of these have a sad ending or triggering topics bc im. im . I Like Happiness

-curses that can't be lifted by sotano: see. this is about cherik early comics canon right. when they just met in haifa. AND OOOOOOO GH oGH oghghgOGOH I LOVE LEAVING COMMENTS. I LEAVE LONG COMMENTS. I AM VERY ILL IN THE BRAIN WHEN IT COMES TO LEAVING COMMENTS. BUT I LITERALLY STILL CANT FIGURE OUT WHAT TO SAY IN THIS BC I LOVE IT SO MUCH. LIKE ILL COME AROUND EVENTUALLY OF COURSE. BUT IVE READ IT LIKE 50 TIMES AND ITS SO GOOD ITS SO GOOD IT MAKES ME DERANGED i was reading it yesterday again. as i do. and i had to close the tab bc it made me so unwell. i'm so normal

-afterlife by anna: this fic is so good but for my mental health it's in shambles. You don't get it. i'll be pacing around my room thinking back of scenes in this and im like ALRIGHT. PAUSE TO THROW UP AND CRY. EVER SINCE IVE READ THIS I HAVEN'T BEEN THE SAME DO YOU UNDERSTAND. IT'S POST DAYS OF FUTURE PAST AND THAT MAKES ME SO ILLLLLLL I LOVE DOFP SO BAD AND I LOVE CHARLES IN IT AND im like oh man i need something to make me cry and puke and shit myself and cure my depression im gonna read that fic again. And i do it. and i am cured. after i cry myself out to this i am so normal again

-someplace that is green by mugsandpugs: oh my god. Also bad for my mental health like (pucnhign myself) YOU DONT UNDERSTAND. it's technically x-men evolution but if you know cherik you'll understand it either way so. just. wow. erik can fit so much trauma. I can fit so many emotions. i can be so mentally ill. IREAD IT SO MUCH LIEK THE SLOOOOOWWBWBURRNNNNNNNNN AHH AHH AHH (PUKES AND CRIES) AHH WANDA AND PIETRO. AH. DEAR GOD. U DONT GET IT !!!!!! THE WORLDBUILDIGN!! (curls up and cries)

ok yeah. i'll put under the cut all the other recs i have sorry for being unwell

you should read everything by ao3 user sotano btw. not to be demented or deranged. but they never miss. everything they ever write is so . Oh my god. U dont get it. im ill. i will buy them a house

-tabula rasa by o2doko: the telepathy exploration of this goes so fucking hard

-fair verona by ha_neul: i love gender so much you don't ungerstand trans fics are the world to me they really arre

-tesselation by nekosmuse: oh my god. i mean it's a popular fic so it's probably been read. BUT THE SLAY. GOD. THE WRITING. PUKES AND DIES

-travel advisory by penknife: SORRY FOR RECCING 2003 FICS BUT FLOGOGHGOGOGH THE 2003 PEOPLE GOT IT IN WAYS NOBODY ELSE DIDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD!

-no capes by dedkake: this just hits all the spots of needing lighthearted comedy and keeping the magneto / professor x dynamic i so desperately crave. i love when authors play around with their identities while loosely sticking to canon hehe

-all these miles (just to get back home) by isthiswhatiam: you gotta read everything he posts tbh BUT this one is my personal fav i love post dark phoenix u_u

-in dreams begin responsibility by kass: im telling u the pre 2011 fics go so hard. and for what. My god. uim ill it's so good

-sweet by sadbigchungus: its so good. Do u know how fukcing hard it is to get krakoa cherik content. hard. but this hits all the sweet spots i love it so much it's so good

-a good night's sleep by insertsthmeaningful: Can i just say this author writes so much good fic and i am absolutely obsessed. as well as im obsessed w post assassination in xforce cherik like aoghogogjogghOGGH

-the way it travels in and keeps emitting light by populuxe: it's OGHGOGH i love reading this one. it's so hard to find fics that actually talk about disabilities and this one does it SO well and erik is SO perfect in this fic im sick!!

-a nice boy (the family matters edition) by pocky_slash: i don't wanna talk about how hard i cry when i reread this one i might have family issues of sorts.

-a winter's journey by red: i love old cheirk so mcuh it makes me want to eat my ownf oot

-the trouble with trilbies by obstrinatix: I LOVE. OLD MEN. CHERIK

-& other words by questors: this is so good like the worldbuilding genuinely floors and runs me over until im nothing but an useless dough

-necessary downtime by unforgotten: i . old cherik. Ogjjgjkrlgjlslkfd

-bug on a plate by lindstrom: ANOTHER ONE THAT ACTUALLY DESCRIBES DISABILITIES SUPER WELL AND DOESNT SHY AWAY FROM THEM ITS A HITTTT AND MIDDLE AGED CHERIK JUST HTIS DIFF SORRY

-the last love song and testament of charles f xavier by midrashic: u know what i said about liking afic so much u cant actually bring urself to properly word the comment so youre just waiting and waiting to properly say smth. Yea thats me w this fic too. why's it so fucking good. how am i meant to word my emotions. but hey if i got around to commenting on Afterlife i will to this

-one second and a million miles by madneto: nothing has ever put me through such a slowburn like this fic like it was so insane and crazy i felt like god was slapping me. PLUS. IRENE AND RAVEN ARE IN IT......SLAY!

-bloodbound by ikeracity: u know i didnt care about vampire fics until THIS ONE. WHERE I WAS LIKE. OH. OKAY. THEYRE GOOD ACTUALLY I SEE THE LIGHT IT MAKES SENSE NOW.

-the golden mean by somuchmorethanyouknow: IT'S SO GOOD OK. THE WAY I WISH THIS FIC WAS CANON JSUT BC IT WAS SO GOOD. THE GENOSHA BUILDING OF IT ALL. MY GODDDDDD! I LOVED IT. SO PAINFULLY GOOD. THE WRITING OF CHARLES AND EIRK IS SO EXCEPTIONAL BUT SO IS EVERYONE ELSE IN THE FIC TOO. AH

-make me stay by lynds: well. what can i say. who's to say no to a little telepathy play. sorry for liking bottom erik. as if it's my fault

-before you attempt me (fair warning) by kianspo: i read this one time i was really sad and i shouldnt have because i started crying about never being able to find a love like the one in this fic. anyway it's super good

-everything about it is a love song by pocky_slash: its bad for me. old cherik makes me go through itnso much. i cant believe ill never find love like this

-feels like you're mine by annejumps: Sorry for bottom erik enthusiast. AS IF ITS MY FAULTNTO HAVE SUCH GOOD TASTE

-because it's you that sets the test by equestrianstatue: [DERANGED NOISES] IM LIKEBSO CASUAL ABOUT THIS FIC IM NOT EVEN MENTALLH ILL.

-special studies in mutant topics by populuxe: my ao3 bookmark says "filed under fics i read while having a mental breakdown and saved my mental health" you can bet its so good and sexy and Oghgogngntnntnngng i will have to marry this authors writing style. SUBBING TO THIS AUTHOR ISNT ENOUGH I HAVE TO BUY THEM DINNER IDK

but also the sex thing: this fic ruined my ability to watch dofp. no matter how many times i watch it ill be quoting this fic along to it

thats it. for Now. i actually have more but some of them are just the real popular ones so im like. Yeah youve read it. BUT THE REST MIGHT BE FOR NEXT TIME. I GUESS. SORRY. THIS GOT OUT OF HAND

[luuxxart]

I’ve finally sat down to read the student council au from the beginning and oughhhhh 🥺 I love them all so much the dynamics are SO tasty, the au premise gives me brainworms (also just like STEWING on what p4 protag has done with himself considering this au’s entire Thing 🕳🚶‍♂️). Your comics are always extremely funny and heartfelt and it’s really cool to see a story ft. your OCs! Also as much as I love shuake, the divorced but never really married energy hitoshi and goro have is so insane in the best way and the foreshadowing from Those Two Comics specifically got me unwell <3

BROOOOOO THANK UUUU,,,,,

the immense amount of EXCITEMTNc,,, I have about Yu/Souji,,,,,,,,, y’all have no idea. He is. Up to some shit trust meee,,,

thank u I’m so glad my ocs aren’t like. Invading the story Terribly haha,,, and man ,,, MAN !!!!! Akeshi. I think about them. And my brain go

i have. so much in store. There’s like. A really specific Hitoshi comic I wanna make,, it’s going to be. The cutest thing ever . But . In light of the future events. Probably a little bittersweet. (but like. God. The Akeshi brainworms are so bad. I made a playlist and I. Do not regret it. Bc it’s actually really nice soft background music haha)

AND OUDHHHGGHHh,,,, Miyu and Goro’s parallels ,,,,,,, brainworms unlimited. (Which is ofc what happens when a character looks. Absolutely nothing like his dad)

thank u so much for the ask Tunes !! I’ve got. 83. Pages of. The actual comic done. I am Slowly going insane but it’s worth it 🤌🏽🤌🏽🤌🏽🤌🏽

i shall leave u with this

[couchpotatoaniki]

One Year ❣︎ Seven: Never Ask Friends for Help

Chapter Summary: As San expected, he caught a cold after your little prance through the storm in Hallim Park the previous day. Luckily, you're fine, which gives you the wonderful opportunity to look after him and the even more wonderful opportunity to let your chaotic nature shine.

Pairing: Mafia!San x Fem!Reader Genre: Mafia AU, fluff, angst, eventual smut, lotta crack and stupid shit ngl Chapter warnings: swearing, (this chapter is pure fluff and crack) Word count: 3.2k+ A 365 Days parody

Previous: Chapter Six For the rest of the series, click here

Speech in bold means they’re talking in Korean

Speech in italics is whatever the reader wants their native langue to be that’s not Korean or English

Speech without either means they’re talking in English

Silence filled your room when you woke up the next morning. It was strange, since San had said he would be waking you up, and there you were, still lying in bed by the time noon rolled around.

It wasn’t as if you were waiting for him to come and get you, but you just wanted to take advantage of the time in such a warm blanket. Yeosang often joked about how you became a cold-blooded reptile whenever you felt sleepy, body temperature dropping and your tongue sharp like that of a snake.

Basically, it was his long-winded way of calling you a cranky, heat-stealing bitch.

Not that you minded at all, since Yeosang was a cranky bitch himself when sleepy.

But then half an hour passed, and there was still no sign of San. Throwing the blanket off your form, you slipped on a pair of slippers and got ready for the day, finding him becoming the very next thing on your agenda.

And the state you found him in was certainly laughable--to you anyway.

“Did you seriously get sick after a little storm?” you chuckled, eyes taking in San wrapped in the covers as if he was a baby, sniffling every few seconds.

“Oh, shut it,” he glared at you, speaking with a nasally voice.

You took a step into his room, one looking fairly similar to yours, with little pictures or much personalisation in general. Must not have stayed here often then, or had many memories he wanted to keep.

That thought... it made you feel a little sad.

Once you reached the edge of his bed, you sat down beside him, noticing just how sickly-looking he was. Skin paler, hair sticking to his forehead from the sweat, flush cheeks and nose, uneven breathing, soft whimpering.

Your smile faded slightly. “How long have you been like this?”

“Since last night,” he coughed, brushing away your hand as you reached out to check his temperature. “Don’t touch me, I don’t want you to catch whatever this is.”

Clicked your tongue at his response and did so anyway. “Holy shit, you’re burning up. More than you should be. Has anyone seen to you yet?” Instantly, you brushed the hair from his eyes, simultaneously wiping away the sweat. Was pretty gross, but you didn’t mind at all.

San relaxed under your gentle touch, finding it cool and soothing against his muddled senses. “N-No. I texted Hongjoong to tell everyone to leave me alone. Clearly didn’t do a good enough job if you’re here.”

Lightly hitting his chest over the blanket, you scoffed. “You’re happy I’m here, don’t lie.”

Grinning, he sighed. “Can’t hide anything from you, now can I, Hun?”

“Nope,” you huffed as you got up. “Now, I’m going to prepare something for you to eat since you probably haven’t had anything since yesterday.” On cue, his stomach grumbled painfully loudly, making the man visibly cringe as he was about to decline your offer so you would stay with him for a little bit longer. “Looks like Mister Tummy’s already answered for you.”

“Mister Tummy doesn’t know shit.”

“Mister Tummy knows more shit than you do. In fact, it processes all of your shit for you.”

“Gross.”

“I know. Mister Tummy’s gross. But full of wisdom.”

“You know what, just go. Leave me be for a bit.”

Evil chuckling reached his ears. “Now that you’ve said it, I’ll just be here to annoy you as much as I can. But before we do that, keep yourself bundled up and make sure you’re sweating buckets. It’s the most effective way to break a nasty fever like that.” You began wrapping him up in the thick blanket like he was a burrito.

With that, you left for the kitchen, calling Seonghwa’s number. As the ringing continued, you looked around, noticing how there were few guards and servants around the place. Not even Wooyoung, Jongho, or Hongjoong could be seen in your trek to make food.

“What do you want, troll?”

“You’ve got to stop calling me that. Whatever happened to ‘hello’? Too mainstream for you?”

“...Hello, troll. What do you want?”

Narrowing your eyes ahead of you, smirk pressing against your lips, you tried to look around for the chef. Not there either. “Much better. Now, can you give me a recipe for that soup with ‘magical healing properties’ you used to give me?”

“Bone broth?”

“Yeah, that one.”

“Why?”

“Because I’m on adventure to nurse a sociopathic cuddle-demon back to health, now are you going to give me the recipe or am I going to get Yunho to drag it out of you? Because I know very well that he will.”

Seonghwa’s sigh was loud enough to be audible through the phone.

“I’ll take that as a ‘yes’. Just text me the recipe, thank you, love you, byeeeeee.” Immediately ended the call, looking in all the cupboards, the pantry, the fridge, and the freezer. This place was stocked to the brim.

Shortly after, your phone began buzzing, Seonghwa requesting to video call you. Swiping the green button, you were met with a (slightly laggy) picture of Seonghwa’s chin, hearing him yell off screen. “--UNHO. MINGI. I SWEAR TO GOD, YOU BETTER PUT THAT DOWN BEFORE I SHOVE IT UP BOTH YOUR ASSES.”

You could make out the response, “Hehe, kinky.” Most likely Mingi from the very nature of the comment.

“What do you want, troll?” you echoed his words back to him, catching his attention--the other boys most likely long gone into the depth of the house.

“Well, well, well, how the tables have turned,” he smirked, moving the camera so you could see him better.

“It’s ‘how the turntables’.”

He looked at you with an unimpressed expression, not pleased with your Office reference, and carried on to ignore it. “So there is no way in hell I’m sending you the recipe through text, since people can easily hack that--”

“And by people, you mean--”

“Yeosang, yes, who else? Little rat bastard keeps trying to steal my recipes.”

“I’ll be sure to tell him you said that.”

“As if he hasn’t heard it already about a million times.”

You chuckled in response, knowing how true it was. “Fair enough. Now spill your secrets and bless me with the ability to cook.”

One word to describe the last hour of your life would be... Well, you couldn’t really think of a word. It was purely of Seonghwa screaming over the phone and you screaming back. And panicking. Both of you definitely panicked.

But all in all, the bone broth was made and tasted fairly decent--a worry you had after fucking up so many times in making a simple recipe.

With a pale and dreary look upon his face, Seonghwa looked at you through the phone, narrowing his eyes on you pouring some of the hot mixture in to a bowl. “You’re actually gonna feed him that? Sure you’re trying to nurse him, or was this a master plan to kill him after that ordeal? Because if it’s the latter, then there were much easier ways of doing so.”

“Shut up,” you grumbled, whispering prayers in your head that it would actually help San’s fever. “And goodbye.”

“Woah, woah, woah. Is that it? You’re gonna use me and then lea--”

You hand pulled away from the phone screen, after having pressed the red button. Chuckled to yourself with your comedic timing, completely forgetting the earful you’d get of the elder the next time you call him.

Gathering a tray, you placed the bowl of bone broth on top of it, as well as a packet of painkillers, a glass of water, and some turmeric tea; why San has it, you have no idea, since he seems to be a hot coffee-kind of person.

Would’ve added a flower, because you felt like being extra, but that would seem more like a romantic thing than a... well, whatever the hell you two were right now.

This situation wasn’t exactly common enough for it to be given a name.

Wafting away the thought, you grabbed the tray and walked quickly to the mobster’s bedroom. Didn’t need to worry about any spillage since you’ve had years of practice being quick and precise with movement.

Holding one hand beneath the tray (feeling a little heavy, but again, you’ve had practice), you used the other to open the door, finding San still swaddled in his blanket, sweating like a pig.

“Y/N...” he whimpered, an eye opening at the sound of you entering. Seeing him in such a vulnerable state was different to how he usually was--and you weren’t sure if you liked it.

“I’m right here, San,” you replied in a soft tone, brushing back his hair once more as soon as you placed the tray on the bedside-table beside you. “Brought you some food too. Can you sit up for me?”

Letting out soft whines, he tried to lift his body up, but was too weak and too caged in to get his back even a centimetre off the mattress. You saw the issue, and pulled the covers apart slightly so he could move a little more, both hands pulling gently at his shoulders so he could sit up properly.

Never had you seen someone this unwell from a simple fever. Sure, you’ve felt like shit before, but San’s condition was a little worrying. “Is there some private doctor I can call?”

“What,” he huffed, a smile etching onto his face as he looked into your eyes, “makes you think I have a private doctor?”

“Oh, I dunno, you’re a rich asshole?”

Chuckling, he let his head flop to the side, neck suddenly too weak to hold it up properly. “You’re beautiful, you know that? Annoying, but funny, but sarcastic, but beautiful.”

“Okay, do you wanna continue with that word vomit or are you gonna eat?” You cocked your brow, head tilting to match his posture. “Also, you’re not gonna flatter me by calling me beautiful. That shit doesn’t work on me anymore.”

It had slightly upset San knowing that you had said ‘anymore’--upset him knowing that there were others complimenting what his. But he couldn’t blame them. You really were beautiful in his eyes, even if he hadn’t thought so when he initially laid eyes on you.

“Don’t wanna eat.”

Sighing, you fixed yourself and picked up the bowl, mixing it as you blew to cool it down a little. “You’re not well, you gotta.”

He looked at you with big wide eyes and a small pout--and you couldn’t help but think it was a little cute. “Don’t wanna... unless you feed me?”

Okay, maybe it was a little less cute.

You exhaled, still stirring. “If I do, then you’ll have it all?” He put his hand over his heart, nodding with a sincere look on his face. “Fine then.” You lifted a spoon full of the bone broth to his lips, which he look into his mouth promptly--eyes glued to yours as he did so.

San hummed earnestly. “It’s...actually pretty good.”

Eye twitching, you lightly pushed him. “Why? Did you expect it to be shit?”

“I mean, I heard faint screaming and what I assume was swearing, which could have only come from you because I let everyone have a day off for today. So, yes, forgive my assumption that it would murder me,” he chuckled, opening his mouth once more, in which you carefully put more broth in.

“Be happy that I’m doing this much for you.”

“Because you feel guilty for getting me ill?” 

“No, it was your fault for not taking a hot shower when we came back, like I told you to--and your immune system for being so shit.”

“Okay, first of all, I can’t help it if my immune system wants to act out. I usually don’t get this ill.” You sent him a ludicrous look, continuing to feed him. “What? I really don’t!”

“Tell that to the rain.”

“I-- nevermind. But the second thing is that I offered to take a shower, but you said no!”

“That’s because you wanted to shower with me. No way in hell I was gonna let that happen!”

“You have the shower room for it!”

″Yeah, and I've already passed on my grievances to you yesterday about that hell-room!”

“Well, at least with me with you, you don’t have to worry about--what did you call it? Oh yeah--’Casper the fuckin’ Perverted Ghost’.”

“I’d take a ghost over you any day.”

“You won’t be saying that in a year.”

“Bold of you to assume that I won’t be choosing Casper over you. After all, I’ll be spending time with him as well.”

San scoffed, slightly amused but annoyed at the same time. “Are you actually trying to get me jealous of something that doesn’t exist?”

“Who said Casper doesn’t exist?”

“‘Cause ghosts don’t exist.”

“Tell that to Casper. You’ll find him in my shower room.”

Amidst the conversation, neither of you had noticed how the bowl and cup was now empty, their contents now residing in San’s stomach. But when you did, you got up--ready to walk to the kitchen and put everything away--until his very warm hands wrapped around your elbow gently.

“Please don’t go. You can put all that stuff away later. Just... stay with me.”

Sighing, you decided to listen to him for once an put the tray down before tightening the covers around him again--making him whine. “Noooooo, I wanna hold you.”

“What happened to not wanting me to get sick?”

“I’m ill, stop taking my muddled brain so seriously.”

Your brow cocked up, amused while you looked over his flushed face. “So you’d be willing get me sick too?”

Another pout formed on his face. “Of course not,” he mumbled. “You know what, you’re right. You can go.”

He avoided looking at you, instead fixing his saddened gaze at the window. Your natural scepticism told you that he was just faking it, only putting on an act to get your attention and affection. Yet, for the first time in a while, doubt began to seep in.

Maybe... maybe you could give in. Just this once.

Sighing, you slipped off your slippers and lay down beside him, an arm and leg wrapping around his body to bring him closer to you. A stronger tint of red covered his face as he looked at you, flabbergasted, as he tried to wriggle out of your touch. “What are you doing, you’ll get sick--”

“My immune system is much stronger than yours, I’ll live. Besides, you look cosy,” you muttered, nestling your face into the soft blanket. Even his blanket smelled like a garden in the rain, despite the amount of sweat that’s probably seeped into it.

Truly, he did, and you couldn’t deny that you wanted to hug the human burrito.

San had, instead, found you cute, cheek squished against the fabric surrounding him. Let his mind wonder to the image of you pressed against him--without the covers coming between you two.

Again.

Would you look this peaceful, sleeping on his chest, on a regular day--he thought.

“Are you just going to stare at me or are you gonna get some rest?” San could feel your voice vibrating through the covers despite the thickness of it.

“Hard not to stare at you, ya know?” he relaxed himself, despite feeling like he was baking beneath the blanket, and let his head rest on the pillow, cheek pressed against your forehead.

“Goddamn, you’re hot. Did you take any medicine while I was cooking?”

“Oh, Hun, there’s no cure for sexiness,” he coughed, a smirk pulling at his lips from the joke he made.

Another sigh was pulled from your throat as you got up to look for any painkillers he could take. Sane began to whine once more, rolling over since he could barely had enough energy to move with his arms when he was this tired--a full belly of warm broth and tea not helping what so ever.

“No--wait. Come back...”

“You need painkillers.”

With a straight face, he stared deep into your eyes, slightly glossy and sparkling under the dim sunlight coming into the room. “But you’re my painkiller.”

“Yeah, I’m going to get you some meds,” you deadpanned, scooping up the tray to leave the grown-ass mafia boss whining and rolling around, throwing a tantrum.

After some hard thinking and remembering that Wooyoung had given you his number, you called him up as you stood in the doorway, looking at San’s calm state of sleeping.

“My dear sister,” you heard a voice finally say over the phone, “what requires my assistance?”

“...Wooyoung?”

“Yes, dear sister?”

“What in the world has possessed you call me your ‘dear sister’?”

“Because you’re gonna be my friend’s wife some day, so I need to get used to seeing you as my sister-from-another-mister.”

Rubbing the bridge of your nose, you decided to not comment on his outlandish claims. “San’s not feeling well.”

“Is that why he sent us all away?” he laughed, somehow finding this situation amusing--since this is what his best friend tends to do; finds his weakened state as vulnerability, and if there was one thing San hated, it was feeling vulnerable.

But if he truly hated that, then why pursue this why you--when he know that it would force him to bring his guard down?

“I think so. No one was here when I came out of my room. Not the cooks or the maids or even the guards,” you said, taking another gander as if there might be someone roaming the halls to disprove your statement.

There wasn’t.

“Okay then. You want me to give you our private doctor’s number?”

Chuckling to yourself because you knew you were right (immediately confusing Wooyoung), you hummed, “yeah, that would be great.”

“O-Okay. Lemme text it to you. But do you need anything else? I know from experience San can get a little clingy when he’s not in his right mind,” he said, a boisterous giggle passing his lips.

“Nah, it’s fine.” You let your gaze brush over your captor’s figure. “Just send me the number and I’ll take it from there.”

“Okie dokie then, dear sister. I’ll leave you to deal with that enigma.”

“Alright, Wooyoung. See you tomorrow?”

“Call me ‘dear brother’, then maybe I’ll hang u--”

You shoved your phone into your back pocket after ending the call, thinking that it would take him a few minutes. Proving you wrong, the phone buzzes to life within the next ten seconds, Wooyoung sending you a couple of messages.

Wooyoung: Well that was a rude Wooyoung: No matter, I still love ya, dear sister Wooyoung: Probs should clarify that it’s platonic in case San sees it and gets all jelly Wooyoung: Anyway, here’s the number Wooyoung: XXXXXXXXXX

Y/N: Thanks, bro

Wooyoung: 🥺🥺 You called me ‘bro’

Smiling a little, you called the number--which had indeed taken you to a doctor’s clinic. After hearing of his exact temperature and other symptoms, the woman over the phone had concluded that it was as you first suspected--the common cold.

She told you to keep giving him painkillers and he should be fine within the week. Ending the call with a polite ‘thank you’ and ‘goodbye’, you left to get San more broth and medication, and hopefully you’d lay down with him again.

Which is exactly what you did for the rest of the day, opting to stay with him for the night too in order to make sure he really was okay. Thankfully, the worst of his fever had passed by the time morning came around and he was feeling much better.

You, however, were exhausted after looking after him, deep in your slumber as you shifted closer to San, who had broken free of his blanket prison and wrapped it around the two of you. The sunlight peeking through the window paled in comparison to the faint smile of glee San had adorned when he saw you.

Cheeked pressed up against his shoulder, and arm and a leg draped over his body like a koala clinging to a tree.

Just like he had thought the day before.

☕︎ Tag list: @little-precious-baby​​​​ , @sparklychangbin​​​​ , @shawkneecaps​ If you wanna be tagged, feel free to ask!

[drabbles-mc]

Dedicated TO ME???? MJ I'm weeping I'm unwell I'm crushing your bones in a hug and never releasing you.

The way that this fic is already so mythic to me and I haven't even read it yet. I know it's going to become a permanent part of my psyche. Lettuce begin 👀

"You assume that he, the guy, this dude—navy hoody, black jeans, muscles you can see despite it all" okay but the instant transition from this dude do muscles you can see despite it all I'M SORRY??? LO SIENTO??? PERDÓN???? You can't open the fic like this and expect me to not go into cardiac arrest.

‘Probably should’ve said something, instead of just standing here, I know.’ Juice, my beloved. I adore him so. I can hear him. 🥹🥹

"He scoffs, giving a head shake—a lie—that winds into a nod—the truth—and a smile. Cute. Honest of him." STOPPPP FUCKING STOPPP I CAN SEE HIM!!! I CAN SEE IT!!! I WANNA JUST!!!! 🥹🥰🥹🥰

"Poor thing is one bad interaction away from a full-body shutdown by the looks of it." MJ I need you to stop. I need you to give me a second to fucking breathe, okay???? you can't keep landing one killshot after another like this. I won't last the 3k

"He glows, but shakes away the compliment and tries to hide his blush by taking a drink as soon as the bottle’s put in front of him." FUCK OFFFFF I'M FUCKING BLUSHING!!!!!!!

"He’s bringing something out of you, hot-wiring your brain with the round of his cheeks." That's his power. It's what he does. It's how he got you and I, isn't it???? 😌

‘Why? Were you hoping I’d lose and make you feel good about yourself?’ / He smiles; it reaches the edges of his eyes. ‘Something like that.’ GOD I know what's to come so the way this is just sending me into the next fucking galaxy. JUST WAIT, JUICE!! JUST YOU WAIT!!!!!!!!!!!!

"Tragic. Truly." The way that two simple words have never made me cackle so much 😂

"But he seems unfazed, keen even."

"‘Relax,’ you interrupt before he talks himself into any more distress. ‘I said I have a thing about PDA, not you. You’re good, Juice. I like you.’" I WAS GONNA THROW THE WHOLE EXCHANGE HERE BUT I DIDNT WANNA JUST COPY/PASTE YOUR WHOLE FIC (even though i sorta am already lmao) BUT GODDDDDD CAN YOU HEAR IT??? CAN YOU HEAR MY SCREECHING WITH GLEE??????????

"You’ve come home with him, or rather, he’s come home with you—and if only he knew what a victory that was." Bars. Reader and I are truly one and the same in this moment.

‘You don’t do this a lot, do you?’ / ‘Well,’ it snakes out of him, ‘not a lot. But, y’know, a normal amount.’ I'm so so so stupidly in love with him it's embarrassing 🥰🥰🥰🥰

‘The guys had a problem with Juan.’ The way I will fight any and all of them in a fucking parking lot RIGHT NOW. Kill them all and their creator S*tter in one fell swoop.

"Kindness isn’t pathetic" YES! READER! TELL HIM!!!! 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻

"He does. He complies. Pants a little faster at the compliment" MJ I'm gonna fuckingggg combust I'm gonna lose it I'm gonna die right here in the kitchen of someone else's home as I read this

"dim light of the bar, orange glow of your living room" Taking a break from my regularly scheduled thirsting to obsess over this detail. Idk what it is about it but it just feels os right. I love it. I love it so much. Poetry.

‘How long have you had a praise kink?’ THERE IT IS!!!!!! GET HIS ASS!!!!!!!!

'Nah.’ His palms find the back of your thighs, just above the knee, as he puts you back, turning you onto the spread of cushions beside you. ‘Here.’ SHUT UP!!!!! RAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!! I WILL NEVER FUCKING GET OVER THIS IMAGE!!!!!!!!! THE FACT THAT I CAN NEBVER ACTUALLY IRL HAVE THIS IN LIFE WITH THIS MAN IS GOING TO DEVASTATE ME LATER BUT FOR NOW I WILL CONTINUE TO LOSE MY MIND!!!!!!!!!

"‘Good boy,’ you say, under your breath, barely a whisper, but he hears. He hears it." FUck. fuck me. I just. How am I supposed to have words after all of this????????

I want to have wonderful poetic things to say but my brain has been rendered to a pile of goo at this. Fuck. Like. THIS is the peak Juice Ortiz Experience. I don't. I can't. What else is there, really????? I KNOOOOOOOW I will be coming back and rereading this an unhealthy amount of times. If I had a physical copy it would be tattered and falling apart at the spine. God. Fuck. MJ I'm in love with you.

good boy

juice ortiz x gn!reader, 3639 words, 18+

mild nsfw, praise kink (juice), hot n heavy etc, the title says it all

a/n: based on a post ive lost about men being called good boys and therefore dedicated to @drabbles-mc​ because we terrorised ourselves about it being juicy and then here we are. the result! (im not sure who to tag bc this is new territory, but @cositapreciosa​ and @hausofmamadas​ ik u love jc <3)

You don’t get approached in bars. You never, get approached in bars. Not alone, not in groups, not when you’re tagging along with Jen and Tunde for the thirtieth miserable time this year. Something about your expression, you think. How you look when you aren’t thinking at all. It happens so infrequently, actually, that you don’t even realising it’s happening this time. You assume that he, the guy, this dude—navy hoody, black jeans, muscles you can see despite it all— who’s lingering by your shoulder, is just waiting to order. Hovering until he can grab a drink. Or looking for missing friends, or even just—

‘Sorry, I can tuck in if you need to get past.’

‘No, no, I wasn’t,’ he answers, stumbling slightly over the words, ‘I’m not.’ He pauses, breathes. ‘I was trying to speak to you, actually.’

You blank. ‘To me?’

He nods. ‘Probably should’ve said something, instead of just standing here, I know.’

Probably should’ve picked someone else entirely, really. You aren’t making it any easier for him. You can’t even think of something to say while he stands there looking at you, waiting for you to speak.

‘I’m Juice,’ he says, thank God.

Keep reading

[you-cant-spell-subtext-without]

I’m back on my bullshit and we have GOT TO TALK about 13x08 The Scorpion and the Frog; which serves as a good example of why you should not ONLY watch spn episodes with Cas (partially because of that scene I shamefully blogged about earlier - no I will not link that cursed post here).  The episode title comes from a fable in which the villain is the scorpion.  Interpretations of this fable note its uniqueness lies in the concept that “the scorpion is irrationally self destructive and fully aware of it.”

To quote the scorpion, buddies -  “it’s in my nature.”

Anyway, this episode is subtextually predicated on exploring Dean Winchester’s nature and specifically - his bisexuality, and I’m not only saying that because it opens with Dean in his Bi Colors Plaid (that also he wore on his burger date with Cas).

Let’s get started, after the cut!

Season 13 on its face gives me absolute whiplash because it starts widow arc-reunion-TOMBSTONE and then Jack yeets himself off to Chuck knows where so Cas can go out Looking For Him Because Otherwise He Will Definitely Kiss Dean there is no other option for the writers at this point.  Sigh.  Here, have another shot of Dean anxiously cleaning his gun as he always does when Cas has Gone Off For Reasons -

Anyway, this feels like a filler episode at first, but as always they bury the ENTIRE damn world in it and I am here with my dossier to Unearth It.

Lets start with Bart (demon of terrible nicknames and microagressions) meeting the brothers at Smile Diner to talk about some spell or whatever. 

(I am not thinking about the Cherry Pie meta I AM NOT)

THEY HAVE THE AUDACITY to start with these lines immediately introducing the theme of duality, a thread throughout this episode.

BARTHAMUS

Everything. I've been following your careers a long time. You're a real pain in the pitchfork. And the halo. Natural disrupters. We have that in common, you and I. DEAN

Mm. Yeah, we're twinsies.

***MORE DUALITY!  But as we know, Dean does not like Bart because He Is A Freakin’ Demon

DEAN

Well, see, here's the thing. When a demon tells us to jump, we don't ask how high. We just ice their ass.

UMMM excuse me Barting Bacting Boices?  What is that sexual gaze?  

Then we find out that Bart has 1/2 of the spell.  They need the other 1/2.  Oh, a spell with two parts, you say? [ I am going to scream :) ]

***Also, Dean eats the pie Bart ordered.  I cannot begin to explain to you the state of unwellness that I am in regarding how important this is. DEAN NEVER GETS TO EAT THE PIE, remember?  But in This Filler Episode, Dean eats the pie. While Sam looks at him with a very quizzical expression.  Pie -> what Dean wants but never actually gets -> Dean actively eating this pie.  Dean is coming to terms that maybe he can have what he wants.

***I am reminding you again that this is post widower-arc, post-reunion, and especially post-Tombstone.  Anyway-

Now we get to Smash and Grab.  Not literally even though I want to Commit Such Conduct at this point.  We are introduced to two one off characters named 

Smash (human/female presenting) -  can crack any safe built by man 

and Grab (demon/male presenting)-  expert in bypassing supernatural security.

Reaching or no, you can’t disagree that when spn introduces one off characters - it is almost always a Narrative Parallel or Mirror.

So we have a human and a demon (and Dean Winchester, a human who has been a demon)

who are experts in cracking open/bypassing something that has been secured and guarded (breaking down walls, if you will).  

They also use fake names identifying them as Tools to be Used ( Dean Winchester, the Michael Sword/daddys blunt little instrument)

BONUS:

Dean himself is literally used as a tool in this episode.

So yeah.  Smash and Grab are physical representations of Dean’s duality.  Human/Demon.  Femininity/Masculinity.  Dare we say something else, too?

Anyway, Dean is paired with Smash and Grab; Sam is off to idk negotiate weird artifact purchases lawboy style with Luther Shrike, a man who cannot die so long as he never leaves his house (I cannot even begin to unpack this shit; please just sit there and think about it.  I’m not even going there here.  I CANNOT DISCUSS Luther Shrike RN).

Speaking of things I cannot discuss without halgdhsag;lsa - Smash has very Specific boots (a look overall, really).

DEAN

Hey, Winona. The '90s called. They'd like their shoes back. SMASH

Shh.

***That’s right girl - do not take his shit; he actually LOVES them and is therefore Overcompensating for it with this little jab.

***Dean’s pop culture references and particular attention to the details here Should Not Be Overlooked.  90s! Winona! Ryder!

ANYWAY, then Dean and Smash bond over a caffeinated beverage -

[While Dean is doing a spell, Smash opens a can of drink, takes a mouthful and burps loudly. ] SMASH

Ahh. DEAN

You're weird.

***This scene makes me literally insane. (even aside from Dean living on something named NERVE DAMAGE as a KID.  They could have called it anything. You’re saying this wasn’t a Choice)  

She chugs a swallow of the drink and burps.  Something stereotypically associated with masculinity.  Not feminine.  Dean’s reaction is that she is “weird” - because she is not acting in a way stereotypically, J*hn Winchester brain-rot patriarchy bullshit-tily associated with Being Female.  But also, says the stupid show, they like the same soda.  They are The Same.  She shares the soda with Dean.  HIS FACE WHEN SHE DOES -

Other similarities are addressed throughout the episode (they are working for demons because they have no choice; they don’t discuss feelings/emotions, they both sold their soul, they both This Thing - 

DEAN

You know, we could help you. SMASH

No, you can't. I gotta take care of me.

etc. etc.) Smash is absolutely dean-coded.

****Also it’s textually established that Smash thinks Dean is attractive -

GRAB

[looking at Smash] Oh. You said he was just a pretty face. SMASH 

Shh.

***But Grab flirts with him too.

DEAN

I will kill you. GRAB

I bet you say that to all the girls.

***sorry, Grab - you won’t get far with Dean, but only because as he mentioned in the beginning of this episode - 

Drowley rights.

Now Dean has to put his hand in the mouth of this stone lion thing and all of a sudden he is acting....very-not-like-Dean.

[Dean looks again and takes a deep breath.] DEAN

I… how about this? What if I cut myself, put it on, like, a little piece of paper? We'll just wad it up and throw it in the mouth, okay? Okay. 

***Dean Winchester, who has been to Literal HELL, who has been torn apart by hellhounds, who has battled the devil and angels and God’s sister - all at the expense of his own life is now - afraid of spiders.  Well, technically he has always been afraid of spiders, but why isn’t ‘he being performative about it At This Time??

***Come to think of it, this sends me right back to how Jackles was playing Dean in 12x11 Regarding Dean THE episode dissecting Dean’s performative masculinity [one day I will clean up and post that analysis sitting in my drafts like a sad hamster]. That makes sense actually, because -> -> ->

that episode and this one are both written by Meredith Glynn.  Girl get in I want to torture you affectionately with a barrage of questions.

So here we have Dean and he’s not performing for Reasons, and he’s scared he’s genuinely scared of putting his hand in this stone lion-gargoyle-pig-creature’s mouth and then -

Smash gives him a push.

She gives him a push.  I cannot stop thinking about how she gives him a push.  A push to go do this thing that he is scared of; his fear being something he was hiding under his performative masculinity. Smash - dean coded dean mirror who does not perform femininity and is ‘weird’ -  she   gives   him   a     p u s h.

***linking here for the jackting joices that follow.

Now, let’s circle back to Smash’s story; why she is working for Bart in the first place -

SMASH

You think I wanna be here? Like I have a choice? SAM

You made a deal. SMASH

Wow! You think? SAM

You sold your soul. SMASH

And if I could take it back, I would. 

there is no reason for this picture here other than I needed you to see the jackting again

***How does the story end for Smash?

DEAN

Take care of you. [Dean glances down at the box, and then at Smash. She sees that Dean has put a lighter on top of the bones.]  BARTHAMUS

Alice, chop chop! 

[Bart indicates she should get his bones]. SMASH

Yeah. [She grabs the lighter and sets Bart's bones alight. Bart screams as he bursts into flames. ] 

***She accepts help and breaks free from the narrative, literally burning it down. The female presenting but not female-performing “weird” ooc representing a side of Dean breaks FREE because she makes a choice.  The lighter Dean drops? It’s a push.  And she goes with it.

Alice reclaims her story.

(Also, Grab gets ganked.  The male presenting ooc; the performative masculinity side; the demon; the darkness; the not-humanity - gets ganked).

Guess what Dean says to Alice when they say goodbye?

DEAN

Hey, Alice. Stay weird.

[I know the peace sign is probably just a Charlie throwback but I’d still like to say duality.  Two. ]

Dean’s not just talking to Alice.  He’s talking to himself; because the walls have been breached and for once Dean isn’t as scared of being different.  Maybe, just maybe, he’s going along with the push.  That’s exactly how the episode ends - with Dean feeling a little more hopeful, a little more at peace; a little more Considering he is capable of not only loving Cas but also not hating himself for it. 

[until the knowledge that Mary is still alive and the guilt of allowing himself ANY happy thoughts instead of looking for her miserably rears its ugly head in 13x09 and round and round we go but for NOW at least -> ]

DEAN

I'll drink to that.

(oh look Dean is just wearing his henley.  It’s almost as if a layer has been peeled back).

tagging @im-shaking-like-milk​ and @deanwasalwaysbi​ for letting me ramble on to them while writing this; and @lilac-void​ because you are always so kind about my stuff :)

[potatosoldier]

Are you still there?

  /Part 7/

I am hot, I am sweaty, and I am crammed into a small cot surrounded by equally sweaty men. It was the 6th of September, and we had just boarded the Great Samaria a few hours ago. We were now on a journey to Europe. 

How they managed to jam us into this ship, I have no clue. It isn’t like there is 20 men over the capacity of this ship. No, this ship was made for 1000 passengers and now there were 5000 men from the 506th shoved in. I could have made the choice and went to the officers and made my stay there, I want to be near the men. 

“Joe, darling, your shoulders are like barn doors, I can’t fit”

Oh yes, as the passenger count was so high, the cots were shared by two soldiers. I was sharing with Joe. At first I also considered going to Skip, but then I came to a conclusion that I could stand Joe’s singing in this suppressed place, but listening to Skip talk non-stop would make me an irritable person. And I truly did not want to become that. These men are my companions and I want to treat the with the respect they deserve. I did not have the right to become rude even in these circumstances. 

Also, if I was put too high, Bull would have to carry me around like a baby monkey. 

“For God’s sake, just turn the other way”, Joe grunts as I try to maneuver myself without jostling the cot too much.  

“Joe, please move”, I whine and try to push him. He rasps and looks at me teasing smile on his lips. 

“you wanna continue trying, Bambi”, he teases. I scrunch my brows and pout. Why did he have to make this so difficult. Then I put on my most motherly glare. “Joseph Toye, this is not how you should behave”, I scold. 

He chuckles once again, but proceeds to move over so I’m finally able to fit in next to him on the cot. It was a tight squeeze, both of us were on top of the bed springs, but we tried to be so that it’s the least uncomfortable. Physically and mentally. 

“So you told Muck, huh?”, he whispers once we are in and he hears Skip talking while making his way around the ship. I nod as we both look at the cot above us. “You sure that was a good idea?”, he asks. I could hear in his voice that he didn’t doubt Skip personally, but he was just checking in. 

I smile. “He has been good to me since I came here, He won’t betray me now. And it does feel good to let it out”, I tell. He nods. 

“So, what do you think about going to Europe?”, he asks. I shrug. “I’m glad I’m here, maybe we can speed up the process of ending this war and Matias and dad can go back home”, I answer. Matias was my older brother. I think he is the reason I’m so fond of Skip and Luz, Matias was such a jokester too. It broke my heart to think of him out there somewhere, fighting for his life. 

“I’m glad we’re going to Europe too. Hitler gets one of these right across the windpipe, Roosevelt changes Thanksgiving to Joe Toye Day and 10,000 a year for the rest of my fucking life”, he says in a much louder voice. 

I look at him trying not to laugh. “Joe, I promise I’ll celebrate Joe Toye Day from now on even if you don’t succeed”, I manage to say without laughing. 

“What if we don’t get to Europe, what if they send us to North Africa”, Smokey points out from above us. 

The conversation doesn’t awfully concern me, till I hear these words: “ I like Winters, he is a good man. But when bullets start flying, I don’t know if I want a Quaker doing my fighting for me”

My head turns sharply up towards Bill’s bed. My blood starts running cold with the rage I’m feeling. He had the audacity to condemn someone by their religion and to add to that doubt MY husbands skills in combat. 

“How do you know he’s a Quaker?”

“He ain’t Catholic”

I’m about to jump up and teach the boy some manners when, Joe apparently notices my open mouth and shoves my head under a blanket. And by shoving, I mean shoving. Nothing gentle about it. I can only imagine the looks people are throwing at us. 

“Okay Bambi up we go” he then says and starts lifting me up, my head still covered. I can hear Liebgott and Bill still having a spat and am about to turn to go towards the noise, but Joe keeps me covered till we are away from the scene.

“You need some fresh air, you angry hedgehog, to he deck we go”, Joe says and pushes people around to make us way forward. He really saved me from making a mistake. 

With Richard

The Boat was far from comfortable, that was the only thing Richard Winters would say to the circumstances at hand. Last time he had been this hot, was while running in full gear in Toccoa. 

“They really filled this Troop ship to the brink”, Lewis says looking just as sweaty as his friend. “If I’m going to be this hot, I’d rather have 5000 ladies here. At least there would be something to look at”, Nix says. 

“Yeah, and by the time you’d make it to your destination they’d have eaten you alive, after finding out about Kathy”, Dick teases. Keeping your mind light in situations like this was the key to keeping your head together. His friend had his own lightness hidden in Dick’s footlocker. 

Lewis let’s out his trademark chuckle. “Easy for you to say”, he snarks back. Dick knows exactly what he means. It was easy for Dick to judge other men for seeking affection because his own wife was there. 

Dick only looks at his friend with a dry look and they remain silent for a while. 

“Never thought this day would actually come, of course I knew it was coming, but hell we’ve come a long way”, Nix says and takes a swig from his flask. Dick lets out a small huff. It really was a miracle that Sobel hadn’t found some way to get rid off them. 

“You think we can make it Nix, back home I mean”, Dick asks thoughtfully and plays with his fingers. It was a curious question, not one of sadness or fear. 

“That’s not for us to decide, but hey I’ll drink to the thought of seeing your children some day”; he says raising his flask in what was supposed to be a happy remark, but when he sees Dick’s face, all the happiness goes away. 

He furrows his brows and looks at his friend more closely. “You okay Dick?”, he asks while still studying his now pale friend. Dick just continues looking ahead like he was not there at all. 

“Yeah, Nix, I’m okay”, he finally whispers and they drop the topic replacing it  with silence. 

Sonja / Day 3 on the Samaria/

“Better out than in, there we go”, George says as he brushes some of my hair back. I had been throwing up for the last two hours. I wasn’t sure was it the sea or the smell of the fish soup that made me so nauseous. 

“I fe- ugh”, I puke again in the middle of my sentence. I was not the only one throwing up, no. But I felt very embarrassed to be in this situation. I was a nurse, not a patient. 

Suddenly a pounding of boots is heard and I feel someone place themselves on the other side of me. “There we go, a Hershey bar for the lady. Got it from Winters, tried scrounging and he was kind enough to offer when he passed”, Skip says as he opens the wrapper for me. 

And what I can take from his story is that, that he went to tell Richard I’m unwell and Richard gave him the bar. 

“Thank you”, I whisper and take the piece Skip snaps me. Luz takes the bucket from my hands and gives water to rinse my mouth.  “For a small lady, you sure puke your guts out like a grown man”, Luz teases. 

“Shut up, I’m only three inches shorter than you”, I grumble and lean against him while savoring the chocolate to get the taste of vomit out. He only chuckles and makes a mocking “UGH” noise. 

“Thank you boys for getting me out, I thought Joe was going to kill me”,I giggle softly. They both huff in laughter. “I mean you did puke on his chest”, Skip points out. I grimace, that I sure did. His chest and neck where running with fish soup after I retched on him. 

“Someone get her a bucket, fucking hell, if someone isn’t gonna help her, Imma kill every fucking one of you”

“Skip, go get us some cards, I don’t think she can handle the sweat level yet”, George says as he strokes my back, as I gag again a little. 

How long was I going to be stuck on this boat.

----------------------

The night was awful, I felt sickly and I noticed that Joe was turning more than usual, probably because of the back pain. We were lucky enough to fit on the cot so that we could both sleep in it, but nothing seemed to get me catch sleep. I was afraid of throwing up again. 

“Nurse”, I hear a whisper. I jump and look up. Even in the dim lighting I can recognize my husband. I carefully stand without jostling Joe too much, and gently put the blanket on him again, after raising it up a little to get a little cool air on him. 

“Yes sir?”,I ask professionally as I stand before Richard. He just nods his head towards the deck. 

As we make it to the deck we quickly and quietly find a corner with no one sleeping in it. He takes a look around and has a seat. Before taking something out from his pocket: chocolate.

“Richard, you don’t have a sweet tooth, how do you have all these”;I ask looking at him oddly. 

“I got this from Nix, he was willing to sacrifice it for I quote ‘holy business’“, I giggle at my husbands expression as he quotes Lewis. I take the bar from him and put it next to me. I honestly felt too sickly to eat it now. 

I look at Dick biting my lip. He seems to notice the softness in my gaze as he utters a gentle “come here”, and gently guides me to lay my upper body onto his legs. 

“Don’t worry, darling. I can keep watch, and if they ask more, I can say that I was just looking out for you as your officer”, he soothes and rubs his hand along my arms. Which feels amazing on my sore muscles. 

“I think it’s time to tell the men soon anyway. They need to get used to the idea before we jump, and I think that they know you well enough to not judge you”, he then brings up. I nod against his leg, this living in secrecy was starting to become more and more difficult. 

I then squeeze my eyes shut as nausea takes over me. “Richie I think I might puke”,I whimper. I always got very stressed when I had nausea, and sensitive. “I don’t wanna puke on you”,I say and try to rise, but in all honestly rising just made it worse.

Richard guides me back gently. “If you puke on me, then you do. Don’t worry about that. Let’s just get you comfortable”

----------------------

On the 15th of September we finally made it to Liverpool. I was still quite pale after the ride. Eating had really become a task, and without food, you lose strength. But with the threats from Joe and gentle urging from Carwood Lipton, I was able to get food down. 

“You feelin’ good ma’am?”, comes a familiar Arkansas drawl as I give a happy sigh to be on the steady ground. I chuckle “Aye, sir, better than ever”, I say teasingly. He mock salutes me and we start walking for our shelter for the night. 

I walk on Joe’s side keeping a firm hold of his sleeve as I had been told by Lip.

“We don’t want you getting lost, you are harder to find than most of us”

At first I had wanted to tell him that I am a grown woman with military training, but his truly caring gaze changed my plans.  If I could express in words, how thankful I was for that mans care I would shout it at his too humble face. Okay, these boys are really rubbing off on me, I wouldn’t shout, maybe gently lecture. 

Tomorrow we would be going to our final destination. 

-------------------

Aldbourne was vastly different from all the places I’ve had my training and from what the men told me, it was also very different to them. We were in the middle of a village! We could actually see other people. 

“Come on Sonja, please, please please”, Skip was begging on his knees. We had gotten our passes to go to Swindon for a Saturday night dance this weekend. The boys were all excited about being able to go and actually getting the passes this time. 

“Skip, you know I get uncomfortable with many people, also it’ll be nice to have some time alone”, I try to reason as he keeps pushing my skirt and blouse towards my hands. 

He looks at me with his green puppy eyes. “please, Bambi, for me, Joe is coming too. Aren’t you? Hear that Joe is there too”, he begs. I sigh and look at both of them. 

“Okay, but when I say want to come back, I will”, I say pointing at him. 

“Yes!!”

-------------------

I didn’t put on my skirt and blouse, instead I took out my light blue swing dress and let my hair down. It was nice to feel girly again, and actually have a reason to get dolled up. That was not the best part, the best part was actually putting my wedding ring onto my finger. I gave a small kiss to my cross and said a little prayer of gratitude before going to the boys. 

The boys were happy to have me, their lady with them. 

“Your husband is one lucky bastard”. George had said when he saw me. Bull had even blushed when I gave him a kiss on the cheek as thanks for helping me with my jacket. 

All the girls in the dance were dolled up too. I found the music in there absolutely delightful. It might have not been completely in my taste, but I appreciate it nonetheless. Also the sound of shoes clapping against the floor was beautifully relaxing. 

“Would my lady like to dance?”, Skip asks bowing at the waste. I shake my head at his antics but take his hand none the less. And boy did I make a mistake. I was tosses from Skip to George, to Bull, to Joe, to Don (who mind you, was an excellent dancer!) and god knows who. The Easy boys really decided to hit the floor. 

Once I was able to make a run from them, I found Joe drinking a beer at one of the tables. “You having fun?”; he asks and takes a long sip. I nod and smile widely. 

“I can’t remember the last time I’ve been able to dance so much! But I do wonder”, I bite my lip. “Am I a bad person to be here, without Richard?”; I whisper. 

Joe shakes his head. “You’re too good for this world. There ain’t nothing wrong with you being here. He trusts you and you trust him. And hell, you were giggling like a school girl when you realized you still had time to go to him after this. You aren’t committing any sin”, he soothes with a little teasing making me blush. 

Who can blame me, I just want to grab my Robert Burns poems and go read with Richards head on my lap. Was that really too much to ask for? He was my husband.

We continue our conversation, with me sipping a cup of water, until I hear a similar interruption as in the boat. 

Bill and Skinny make it to our table chatting. “He might be a good man, but Quakers aren’t meant for this shit” My patience had been running thin with these comments for so long and now my patience was all run out.

“He is not a Quaker”, I snap. Bill turns to me with an odd look on his face. 

“And how do you know that Bambi”, many of the Easy men were now near our table from hearing my raised voice. 

I don’t know what made it come out of my mouth, but this did anyway: “If my husband was a Quaker I think I’d be the one who knows that and not you”

I quickly realize what I said and plant my palm against my face, trying to remember how to breathe. I hear Joe sigh from next to me: “Well, now you fucking said it”

@iilovemusic12us​

@georgeparisole​

[peachy-inserts]

HCs for Todoroki, Deku, and Bakugou on their reactions when their (s/o) is ill, but trudges through their ailment to support these guys (despite the boys’ protests not to) in the Sports Festival and passes out in the audience due to the illness and fatigue, resulting in quarantine, please?

Sorry for the wait! God… you can really tell I don’t write for Bakugou enough by how off topic I am. I just have so much to say about this lovable dick that I don’t typically have the opportunity to 

Warnings: Cursing

Midoriya:

When you first began to show symptoms of sickness, Deku became a worrying mess and found himself slacking off on training despite the sports festival being so soon

Not that he really needed it, but it’s Deku

Like I said before, he’s a total worrywart. We know this about him! No matter what it is, he is an absolute anxious mess. You’d better not tell him that you came out to watch him anyways!

He knows how much it means to you, and while you got good seats as a result of being in general studies, you could always watch it from home! It was broadcasted nationally, and it’s not like you would miss anything; they did a pretty good job covering all of the details!

We’re gonna go with the scenario where you don’t tell him you came out to support him, because if you did he simply wouldn’t participate until you caved in. Deku is a chaotic force of good and more importantly, incredibly fucking stubborn. I know he’s a sweet boy, but good God he does NOT take no for an answer. Kid doesn’t listen for absolute shit!

In the middle of the festival, he notices a little bit of a commotion in the crowd but shrugs it off; he’s gotta make sure he impresses you, since you’re supposedly watching him on the television!

It’s not until afterwards that he hears about it, being informed that you’ve been put on quarantine as well

Let’s just say he is heartbroken. More than anything, he was looking forward to coming back to the dorms to pay you a visit and relax after a long, tiring day. With the sports festival off of his chest, he can take care of you without being so stressed about it… Except, that’s not the case

Since you’re contagious, you’ve been sent to your own house. That way the sickness doesn’t spread, and you can be properly taken care of

As soon as he gets permission to, he is on his way! ...Only to be greeted at the door by a family member who shoos him away, since you are quarantined after all

Deku would (impatiently) wait it out with you, trying to make it as easy as possible. He’ll run to all of your teachers collecting work, and even try to do some of it for you. He does spend a lot of time studying, after all, so you don’t have much to worry about

He had the next two days off after the tournament to recuperate and rest, which was spent almost entirely on FaceTime with you, showing you his new injuries (we all know it happened, the boy has no rationality), trying to help you with your makeup work by the tutoring the best way he can, and fawning over your tired but loving expression. Actually, mostly just that last part

Delivery man Deku! He’d pick up all of your favorite snacks, candies, and bottled drinks, then deliver them personally to your house. Being shooed away the last time though, he opts to leave them in a woven basket with a poorly tied bow and a note in the bottom, which is just for you

Todoroki:

While he would be worried about you, he ultimately believes that it’s your decision on what you do. If you wanna come to the sports festival and watch him he won’t stop you, but he can at least try and persuade you by telling you just how he feels about it

That’s not to say he isn’t disappointed, though. Like Deku, he wouldn’t know that you had passed out until after the festival; either because he’s so focused or even because he’s just too dense. It could even be a combination of both, knowing him

Shouto would be quick to chastise you, almost akin to Bakugou in the way he wastes no time in telling you just how you fucked up. However, he’s still timid and suffers from commitment issues stemming from insecurity and his upbringing. He’s just as quick to apologize, sighing and wishing you get wells from the bottom of his heart

The sports festival is long off of his mind by now; to be honest, he didn’t really care about it in the first place. Whether or not you saw it is beyond him, although he appreciates the thought

He knows better than to try and come see you while you’re quarantined, but he doesn’t really give two shits. If he gets sick that’s his own problem, so he won’t stand for being denied time with you; he’ll at least take precautions and wear a mask, though. 

Besides, you’re in this situation because of him. Even though he stands by his stance on this being your choice, he still feels deep down like it’s his fault

Shouto is sort of the awkward type in this stage of your relationship, so he won’t necessarily go out of his way for you. He’d gather your work for you since he’s still at the school, but if he’s unwelcome in your home due to the sickness he won’t fight it or show up again. 

Still yet though, he misses you and is worried more than he would like to admit. Lots of random calls and texts from him

He would spend all day looking for those cutesy heart edits and sending them to you, or finding shitty memes and teasing you over them, saying it reminded him of you

ONE MORE THING: He’s sappy as shit, and being inexperienced and sort of isolated from society in a way (he didn’t even know what a concert was) he’d try and stick to cheesy romantic ideals. This man would write you a whole ass poem to give to you with some chocolates whenever you returned to the dorms, waiting on your bed

Bakugou:

The most assertive in telling you to stay home. He’s hyper aware of your sickness and how it spread, but most importantly aware of how badly it’s going to affect you. Let him catch you coming anyways and he’ll kill you

Because he’s so knowledgeable on the topic, he’s easily the most worried by far. It’s not that he’s scared for your safety so much, but more so your general wellbeing. Katsuki is miserable whenever he’s sick, so the thought of you going through the same thing is almost agonizing for him

He acts like a total mom and you can’t change my mind on this. Also, I don’t agree with fanon Bakugou being arrogant and hateful towards his s/o. This man is putty in your hands, and although he acts annoyed at times he prioritizes making sure that you’re comfortable and know how he truly feels. He’s always had trouble communicating his feelings because of his relationship with his mother (we all love her but I will die on this hill) and as a result of it, is honestly terrified of fucking up and losing you by being too closed off

Anyways though, back to the point: he would be a total mom when you’re sick! Bossing you around, don’t do this, eat this, breathe some of this in, here, have some tea- It’s honestly exhausting having to listen to whatever miracle cure he’s concocted for you next, but you know he at least means well. He really does go above and beyond for his s/o, especially when they’re unwell. The most important part in a relationship to him is being able to lean on each other when you can’t stand up on your own, and by God he’ll carry you for as long as you need him to. Literally and figuratively 

I know I’m going off on a tangent but I just have so much to say about my interpretation of Bakugou: he’s the boyfriend who insists on trying to fix all of your problems instead of just listening to them, and it’s one of the most frustrating things

ALSO BAKUGOU DOES NOT, CONTRARY TO POPULAR BELIEF, CALL HIS S/O NAMES LIKE ‘IDIOT’ AND ‘BASTARD’. HE DRINKS HIS RESPECT (WOMEN) JUICE

Katsuki is very intuitive; even though you most likely lied about staying home to get him off your ass, it doesn’t take long for him to know that you’ve come anyways, and HOOOO BOY is he pissed (not that he’d ever take that aggression out on you, though. He’ll save that for the finals)

His head is swirling throughout nearly the entire tournament, and he’s thrown completely off of his game. On a typical day, he’d be trying to show off for you and flexing whenever he can while flawlessly demolishing his opponents, but this time he only makes it into the top ten

He can’t stop stealing glances into the stands, his mind wandering into the empty seat beside you and dying to know whether or not you’re okay, all while absolutely fuming. More than anything, he’s mad at himself. It’s been proven to us time and time again that he tends to blame himself for things, and takes it way too personally, to the point of being self destructive as a result of a sweltering, nasty inferiority complex

Immediately after the tournament, when he’s released and free to head back to the dorms and rest, he sits down in the locker room and calls your cell. Two times, three times, and finally four times with no response. Ok, now his heart rate is shot

By the time he finally comes into contact with you he’s in a cold sweat, brow furrowed in aggravation and concern; a strange mixture. Calm him down, let him know you’re alright, and assure him that you’re perfectly safe and comfortable at home, well taken care if

Once that’s over with, expect a lengthy lecture about the dangers of exposing yourself while you know you’re sick, thoroughly chastising you and expressing just how worried about you he truly is (Seriously guys, if you’re sick even in the slightest STAY HOME)

Like Deku, he would want to spend as much time with you as possible, even if it’s over FaceTime. He tends to be a little paranoid over germs, though, so since it’s not like you live together he won’t pay any visits to your house. Quarantine means business! 

However, though, he will prepare a nice little surprise in your dorm room for when you come back. A carefully decorated array of dried flowers, candies, and small snacks. Katsuki prides himself in all that he does and strives for perfection in every aspect of life; this is no exception. He lives to impress you!

Once you’ve beaten the worst of the sickness, he cracks down on you and will begin to act like he’s a professor on Zoom; man schedules FaceTime meetings between the two of you for him to catch you up on everything that you’ve missed. Let’s not forget, he’s at the head of his class and devotes a large portion of time and dedication into his academic studies

[parkjess]

Astro reaction to you telling them they’re gonna be fathers.

Requested by my best bestie: @kittychloe16

Myungjun:

“Honey...” you walk up to your husband when he enters the house you two share after a day at work. You were feeling unwell for the past few days so you decided to check if by any chance, you carry a human inside of you.

This morning was one of your most nerving day, you woke up because you had to throw up and then you took the test. Which at first was one light line so you thought for a moment that you only caught a cold, but it was way more than that. -“Hey, What is it?” You slip your hands around your hubby’s waist and he hugs you tight, concerned by the tone of your voice. “Baby...” you start to tear up and you sob into his shirt, -“it’s okay, just tell me what wrong.” He brushes your hair with his fingers and calms you down. “I’m-“ the tears slowly choke you, “Baby...” you whisper-sob again. -“Yes, I’m here honey, it’s okay.” “No, I have a baby... inside me. Myungjun, were going to have a baby.” Your words turn into an echo inside his head very quick after you finish your sentence. His eyes open widely in disbelief as he quickly place his hand on your stomach. -“Goodness! Are you for real?!” He exclaimed in pure excitement, honestly you never saw him this excited before. You nod your head and cry as he pulls you closer to his chest again. -“You’re having a mini Myungjun inside baby, why aren’t you excited?!” You cry from happiness, because you carry a mini Myungjun in your own body.

Jinwoo:

It’s been a month since you last saw, felt, kissed, hugged your husband. You had no choice because that’s his work and you’re really supportive and everything.

But you couldn’t hold it in anymore, you found out you’re pregnant few days ago but you can’t say a word to anyone, and the person who is ‘guilty’ in this case, is on a world tour right now. You were sitting in your room crying every now and then, missing Jinwoo but can’t talk to people, not even to your parents. You can’t let anyone know before your husband knows. Apparently your child was stronger than you even when he’s not born yet, so you forced yourself to facetime jinwoo.

“Hey babe.” He answers with the cute nickname he’s used to call you. -“I have something to tell you.” he didn’t even notice the tears that were falling down your cheeks because you looked down the whole time. Before he could say another thing or reply with ‘what’s wrong’, you just had to say these words out loud, and so you lifted your face to the phone. “I’m pregnant.” You said that, and in that moment, his whole world had changed. But it was so fun saying those two words that were bothering you for whatever feels like forever. “You’re WHAT?!” He said surprised. “BABE! Oh my god!”

-“I’m sorry you had to hear that over a FaceTime, I just couldn’t hide it anymore.” You apologize, for literally something that wasn’t your fault. “ARE YOU KIDDING ME? I’m so glad babe! I love you so much.” He says in excitement and kisses the screen of his phone, you do the same. Bc. “Babe please don’t cry, I love you, and I miss you like crazy but I’m gonna see you soon okay? Oh my god I still can’t believe that!”

Dongmin:

You and dongmin were a couple for 3 years already and he proposed to you after a year, actually, today is your first anniversary as a married couple. And the day you found out that in a year from now on, the love of your life and you are gonna hold a little human you both love more than each other.

-“NO WAY! F**k, baby!” You shout from the bathroom, tears are filling your eyes. He hurries to check up on what’s wrong, seeing you there, standing against the sink with a white stick in your hand and the other one covers your mouth. The pregnancy test was in your drawer since you got married just in case you feel unwell and have a feeling there’s a baby in you. -“DONGMI-“ he steals the white stick from your hand and takes a quick look to approve this is what he thinks it is. “I’m so happy!” He hugs you immediately, tightly, and it feels like he will never let you go from his grip.

After a few minutes of calling your parents to announce the exciting news, he lifts up your shirt a bit to expose your tummy, place some kisses on it, you laugh while seeing him like that. And he starts to talk to the lil human (look at the pic above and imagine).

Moonbin:

After keeping it a secret from your boyfriend/husband, you decide to take him to a restaurant date.

-“Baby,” you take his hands in yours and your heart starts to beat as fast as you never knew before. -“I have something for you.” You stare into each other’s eyes and you leave one of his hands to get something from the purse beside you. You place the little socks on the empty table, (this is already after a meal you shared, to loosen the stress). He looks at you in confusion, wondering if he’s thought are right. -“Congratulations daddy.” You simply whisper, but loud enough for him to hear. “YOU ARE- oh my GOD.” He screams from happiness. Taking the little socks in his hands and places them between both of yours and his, so that both of you hold it, intertwining fingers. “Congratulations MOMMY.” He says and softly kisses the back of your hands.

Minhyuk: warning: longest reaction🤦🏻‍♀️

You were waiting for him to come back home after work, it is 8pm and you made a fancy dinner to announce him the news you were waiting to tell for your whole life.

He finally entered home, you hid in your shared bedroom as if you were getting dressed as he got into shower. Meanwhile you decorated the dining table, he got out of the shower, meeting you, dressed fancy in high heels and a dress. -“Baby,” you walk up to him, meeting his gaze for the first time today, you missed him like crazy.

“Wow baby, you look beautiful. What is it all for?” He asks as you wrap your arms around his neck, pecking him in between words. You LOVE his smell, and his touch, and HIM in general. He smiles through the small kisses you place on his lips. -“I missed you so much.” You say, he places a soft kiss right under your jawline, and another one on your neck. “Me too.” He replies and you lead him to the dining table.

In the middle of dinner, while chit-chatting about how was your day, he places a hand on yours that is resting on the table. “What did you want to tell me?” Huh? How does he know? Oh right, that pregnancy stupidity, you forget everything that you wanna do or tell. Apparently you texted him earlier that you have something to tell him. You take a deep breath, close your eyes and turn your head to face the ceiling. -“Minhyuk, I am... you are going, ok relax. Don’t panic, please?” The words don’t come out easily as your hand starts to shake under his touch. “Baby~ just tell me, it’ll be fine.” Okay, here it goes. -“Baby, I am carrying your... ah- child. I’m pregnant, Minhyuk.” The tears weren’t asking for your permission and started to fall down your cheeks. (Now take a look at the pic above to see what his face looks like after you announce him.) He looks at you with eyes full of love, can’t believe what his ears just heard. “Baby- are you really?!” He was calm, he was soft, but his heart had a party inside. He was the most loving person to you carrying his child, and he was the happiest to be your man.

Sanha:

Oh come on, father who? He needs a babysitter.

You would probably tell him about taking the pregnancy test because both of you are young (I know minhyuk and moonbin are too tho lmao) and scared to death.

He was scared even more than you because he was the drama queen in your relationship. But what you didn’t know is that he really was hoping you are pregnant with his child.

You were screaming together while waiting for the line to show a dark pink shade, and when it did, he almost passed out. Jk. He kissed your forehead after the both of you calmed down from the first moment realizing. He slowly pushed you to the wall and kissed you slowly and gently.

“I’m so happy it happend.”

[detectivecutiepantsandhisbabyfox]

29 for mazlek cause it sounds like such a hoe thing to say

This took longer than planned, probably because it’s longer than planned. Ive put it under a read more. I hope you like it anon. 

If anyone is triggered by illness, Joe is unwell in this - not seriously though. But there is talk of vomiting so avoid it if that's triggering for you. 

29. What do you mean you’re sick, you’re supposed to be my partner in crime.

Joe’s phone buzzed continuously on his bedside locker, the sound puncturing his temples like a drill.

His stomach rolled as he moved to lie on his side and attempted to reach his phone; memories of last night spent with his head in the toilet flooding back and causing him to flee from his bed for what felt like the millionth time in the last twelve hours. 

As he re-emerged from his bathroom; making a mental note to buy more cleaning products, he heard keys rattling in his front door.

“Joe!” His best friends voice made his head hurt, even from downstairs. 

Walking as slowly as possible so not to jostle his stomach, he peeped round his door and croaked “Up here.”

His voice was shot after last night, throat burning from throwing up so much. 

“Rami” God he sounded pathetic,

“Can you bring me water.......please?”

“You okay?” Rami shouted; Joe heard the water run as he made his way back to bed before he keeled over. Closing his eyes he could distantly hear Rami moving around downstairs.

“Joe?” He peeped open one eye and saw Rami standing over him; beautifully dressed as always, concern etching his face. 

“You look awful Joey.” He handed him the water. Joe sat up gingerly and took a few sips; immediately regretting it as his stomach cramped up.

“Sorry......I........” he dashed into the bathroom again, pushing past Rami on the way. 

“You alright?........want me to come in?” Rami hovered by the bathroom door.

“No.....god no” Joe managed to get out. There was no way he wanted Rami of all people watching him throw up. 

While Joe hugged the toilet, Rami eyed his sheets suspiciously; he could tell Joe had slept fitfully. The duvet was twisted and the bottom sheet had come off the corner of the mattress. By the time Joe emerged from the bathroom, Rami had fresh, clean sheets on his bed and had put the others in a pile by the door. He’d put them in the wash later. 

“You didn’t have to do that.” Joe mumbled weakly, as he slipped between the fresh, cool sheets; sighing as he closed his eyes.

Rami’s hand pressed gently against his forehead, “You’re not burning up......do you think it’s something you ate?” He sat down on the edge of the bed, pulling at a loose thread on Joe’s grey duvet. 

“Dunno.......too sick to go today though.... I’m sorry.” Joe’s hand flapped around looking to squeeze Rami’s in his own. 

“You can’t be sick. You’re my partner in crime. What would Snafu have to say about this?” Rami smiled, grabbing his hand and squeezing softly. 

“Probably the same thing you just said” Joe replied weakly, he attempted a smile; which quickly turned into a grimace as his stomach cramped up again. 

“I’m gonna call Jas and go get you some medicine.....be right back.” Rami’s patted his hand as Joe drifted off to sleep again. 

Rami picked up the sheets by the door and headed downstairs. 

He pushed his disappointment at Joe being ill aside as he put the washing machine on.

The reunion for The Pacific cast was an annual event and this year was the first time Rami and Joe could actually attend together, their busy schedules meaning only one or other of them had been able to show up previously. Rami walked past Joe’s navy suit, hanging up on a hook in the hall. He would have looked damn good in that, Rami thought as he made his way outside. 

“Joe?” Rami squeezed Joe’s shoulder, attempting to rouse him, “I have some stuff you need to drink......don’t want you dehydrating.”

“Mmmmmmm” Joe rolled over, blinking blearily at Rami’s face. 

“You need to go...you ll be late....” 

“I think I should stay.....I’m worried about you.” Rami pushed Joe’s hair back from his forehead. 

“I’m gross Rami.......you probably don’t wanna touch me.......and you’re going.....they’re expecting you.” Joe managed to push himself into a sitting position, sighing heavily at the effort. 

“But what if you get worse?” Rami asked; hands on his hips.

“I ll call you....it’s only..what? A ten minute cab drive away?” 

“What if you collapse or something?” 

Joe took a tentative sip of his mug of rehydration salts, grimacing at the taste, “Then you’ll find me when you get back.”

“Joe that’s not funny.” 

“Rami, I’m gonna be sleeping......please go have lunch and just give my apologies okay. I ll be fine.” 

Rami huffed “Promise you won’t try and go downstairs or anything?” 

“I promise......and thank you....for this ...........delicious concoction.” Joe lifted his mug in gratitude, wrinkling his nose.

“Right well if you’re sure?” 

“I am”

Joe watched as Rami fussed with his blankets, making sure his phone and bottle of water was nearby, adding the tv remote control and a large bowl that that he pulled out from beside the bed. 

“Just in case” he said as he placed it beside Joe on the duvet.

Joe felt a warm, comforting feeling spread over his chest, the crampy, sick feeling in his stomach eased somewhat by the butterflies now erupting in there. This had been happening a lot recently, Joe choosing to ignore it; but today that seemed a lot harder to do. 

A few drinks in and talk turned to relationships; most of the guys were happily married, Rami being one of the only ones yet to settle down.

He checked his phone again as Martin rambled on about some house he was renovating; he couldn’t stop worrying about Joe and it seemed some of the others had noticed his detachment from the conversation. 

“Rami” Ashton patted his arm, “You ok?”

Putting down his phone, Rami sighed and leant back in his chair, taking a long pull of his beer. 

“Yeah......I’m worried about Joe....” 

“He’s a big boy...I’m sure he’s fine.”

“You didn’t see him.....he’s really sick. Maybe I should go?” He raised his eyebrows at Ashton, “Do you think I should?”

Ashton smiled as Brendan rolled his eyes next to him.

“Jesus Christ” he drawled and Rami was whisked back to Australia and Bill Leyden saying the same thing to Snafu’s new nickname for Sledge.

“What?” Rami felt all eyes on him as the table quietened.

“You have some patience man” Brendan continued “12 years is it? Go get your man and quit sitting here worrying about him.”

“What?” Rami said again. He knew he was flushed red and he also knew that what Brendan has said was true.

He pushed back from the table and headed to the bar.

“He’s right y’know.” Martin joined him at the bar, Rami’s second whiskey doing little to calm his nerves. How in fuck did everyone know? Did Joe? Fuck.

“Yeah well it’s not that simple is it? He’s my best friend.” Rami stared at the brown liquid in his tumblr “I can’t risk ruining it.”

“So you happy to carry on pretending? Think of what you might have if you take that risk. Joe’s not an asshole.......he‘ll .....he’ll be good to you no matter what.” Martin clapped him on the back and headed to the bathroom. 

He was right. Rami could have everything he’d ever wanted if he was just willing to risk everything he currently had. Knocking back his whiskey he cursed himself for coming and the boys confusing the hell out of him. He wished Joe was here. 

“Rami!” Ashton shouted from their table near the bar, “Your phones ringing!”

“It’s lover boy!” Brendan yelled and Rami’s stomach plummeted. Joe said he’d only call him if he felt worse, he needed to leave. 

Snatching his phone from Ashton he turned away from the table as he answered;

“Joey” the pet name slipping from his mouth unconsciously. He could hear Brendan snorting behind him and Martin and Ashton telling him to shut up. 

“What’s......what’s wrong? Are you ok? I can come back now...”

“Rami.....stop” Joe sounded exhausted, “I just woke up and I have a weird rash on my chest.”

Rami’s felt sick. A range of horrendous ailments entering his head at Joe’s words. 

“Is your neck sore?” 

“What? No..... why?”

“Meningitis” Rami rambled on “I’m gonna call Jas. Please don’t get up Joey....please.....just wait.”

“Okay” Joe whispered, slightly concerned himself over the level of Rami’s worry. 

Rami sat down heavily into his chair. The boys eyes all immediately focused on his pale face. 

It was Brendan that unsurprisingly broke the silence, but speaking softly and somewhat uncharacteristically.

“Is he ok?” 

Rami’s phone pinged on the table top, as a message came through. Joe had sent a picture of the rash on his chest - Send this to Jas. Might help. X

Ashton’s brow furrowed at the picture.

“Go see if he’s ok please.....I’m worried now.”

Rami nodded “Please can we do this again.... before next year?” 

They all nodded, murmuring agreements and adding “with Joe as well.”

“Im gonna head off then…..Joe....he....yeah.” Rami trailed off.

Martin grabbed his wrist from across the table

“Tell him Rami.”

“But what if he doesn’t feel the same?”

“Oh I honestly don’t think that will be a problem” smiled Ashton. 

Rami crept quietly up the staircase, not wanting to wake Joe from much needed sleep. His bedroom door was open and Rami could see Joe bundled under his duvet through the now dim light of the evening. 

Jas has said he needed to be cooled down to get rid of the heat rash, so Rami tiptoed quietly to the bathroom; leaving another cup of rehydration salts on Joe’s bedside locker. 

After wetting a washcloth with cool water, and wringing it out, Rami padded over to Joe kneeling down next to the bed and peeling back the covers. 

Rami’s stomach flipped at the sight of Joe sleeping, soft and peaceful. When had this started? When had things changed? Rami wracked his memory. Could you fall in love with someone over the space of 12 years and not realise? He stared at Joe’s sleeping face; he was so handsome, and Rami was taken aback by just how attracted to him he was. Rami smiled to himself, maybe he should take a chance? Joe was everything to him, and Rami was now realising he wanted him to be even more. 

“Stop staring at me” Joe’s croaky voice startled Rami into action. 

“Sorry.....I.....Jas said you need to cool down...you have a rash cos you’re sweaty. Here.” Rami showed him the folded wash cloth and Joe turned onto his back.

Joe shivered as Rami pulled down the duvet off Joe’s heated chest and placed the washcloth on his forehead. 

“Okay?.......there’s more salts for you to take there...” Rami pointed to the bedside locker. 

“Oooh yum...” Joe said sarcastically, rolling his eyes and grinning at Rami.

“How you feeling?” 

“Groggy....but my stomach isn’t crampy now....so hopefully I can actually sleep tonight.” Joe peered at Rami from under the washcloth. 

“Will you stay?........I hate to ask.....but....but..”

“Joe......you don’t have to ask....of course I will....”

“Thank you.....oh! how was lunch?”

Rami sat up against the headboard in Joe’s huge bed and filled him in on all the news from their cast mates, answering Joe’s questions but leaving out one very specific conversation. 

“They all send their love....hope you feel better soon.”

“Ashton text me actually....” Joe turned on his side “Said you left early.”

Rami couldn’t look at Joe, he felt his pulse race as he stared out the window at the darkening sky. 

“Rami......” Joe’s hand found his and he squeezed gently.

“You’ve always been so good to me...........too good to me......I.......I......thank you.” Joe sat up. He grimaced as his head pounded at the change of position, but crossed his legs and sat facing Rami.

“Joe.....lie down...” 

“Why did you come back early?” 

Rami searched Joe’s face for any sign that he was messing around. He knew Joe well enough by now to recognise a lift on one side of his mouth that always gave him away. It wasn’t there, his face was soft, open, and as gorgeous as Rami has ever seen it; even with his sickly pallor and bed head. 

“I think you know why” Rami murmured.

“I think I know too......but I’ve been really wrong about things like this in the past so......”

Rami winced, Joe had never had much luck dating. Rami had always been there to pick up the pieces with him. 

“Joe” Rami wanted, he wanted so badly to pull Joe into his lap. 

“You have no idea how much I wanna kiss you right now.”

Joe grinned, his whole face lighting up as Rami ran his hand up his arm; leaving goosebumps in his wake.

“Give me 12 hours and I’m all yours” he murmured as he pulled Rami into a hug. 

“Thank you for today......but.....can you sleep in the spare room because I honestly don’t think I’d be able to keep my hands off you if you’re......in here......”

Joe pulled reluctantly away from Rami’s arms, realisation dawning on what he’d just said. 

“Uuuh I mean.....I don’t wanna make you sick” he stared at the sheets below him, flexing his long toes.

Joe woke early the next morning , the rain pounding against his window. Stretching, he assessed himself for any stomach or headache and found that he felt much better, not one hundred percent. But better. 

Running his hands over his face as he yawned, he sat bolt upright in bed as he remembered who was currently in his spare room and the conversation they’d had.  His body moved without him thinking as he headed to the shower and to brush his teeth. 

As the hot water pounded against his back, he let himself imagine what might possibly happen today.  He’d always loved Rami; but had made himself believe they were just really close friends. He never really thought Rami felt the same though, and Joe wasn’t gonna jeopardise their incredible friendship by telling Rami how he felt. 

Turns out most of their cast mates on The Pacific could see it a mile away. They were both idiots really; all the heartache they could have saved each other. Although Joe laughed to himself as he remembered that anytime either of them had split with someone, they’d immediately gone to each other for comfort. 

It had been obvious to everyone, except them.

Joe knocked quietly on the door to the spare room; it was early and Rami liked to lie in at the weekend, but when Joe pushed open the door he found Rami standing at the window in his boxers. His mouth immediately went dry. 

“Uuuuhhmmmm morning...” Joe croaked.

Rami grinned. “You feeling better?” He asked as Joe moved into the room. His bare toes dug into the soft grey carpet, as his heart beat erratically in his chest.

“Yeah....I am....”

“Thank God” Rami interrupted him as he made his way over to Joe and took his hands in his own. 

“I’ve waited twelve years to do this......I can’t wait any longer.”

“Rami...” Joe whispered as their lips met and they finally fell into each other. 

“Breakfast?…..you feel like you could eat something?” Rami couldn’t stop touching Joe; any part of his body, it was like he’d been starved of it. His fingers were currently skimming the waistband of Joe’s sweatpants where they hung low on his hips. 

Joe’s head was pillowed on Rami’s chest, listening to his heartbeat. 

“I could eat you?” Joe smiled into Rami’s bare chest, breathing in his scent and nibbling at his nipple. 

“Hey!” Rami pushed him away, then pulled his face to his, both hands on his cheeks. 

“I want .........god I want you so bad” he pushed his hardening cock against Joe’s thigh, shivering at Joe’s answering moan. 

“But when you have your strength back......Jas said....”

“Wait....you asked your sister when we could have sex?” Joe began to laugh “Oh my god......” 

“No! Joe c’mon.....you know what I mean......” Rami pushed his erection against Joe again,

whispering in his ear “Just think about how good it will be.....”

Joe flopped onto his back groaning, “I’m gonna need another shower” he added as he pressed down on the bulge in his sweatpants. 

Joe didn’t ever think he’d been this sexually frustrated in his life. He’d had a semi all day, Rami only had to look at him and he wanted to bend him over the back of the couch. It was like his cock had now been given permission to  react to Rami. They’d spent all their spare time together the last few years, and he’d never had this problem. His cock was like a dog being finally let off a leash. 

Rami sat in his boxers and a t-shirt, Joe’s head in his lap as they watched a cooking show. Joe was snoring softly, his warm breath tickling Rami’s thighs. He ran his fingers through Joe’s soft hair, smiling at what today had brought.

Pulling out his phone he snapped a pic of his hand resting in Joe’s hair as he slept soundly on his lap. 

He sent it to Joe’s phone with the caption:

 “I’ve always loved you.” 

[captainamericasbeard]

The Most Important Battlefield- Ch 4

Pairing: 40s!Steve x OFC (Betty Carver)

Word Count: 1.5k

Warnings: angst

Summary: All Steve Rogers has ever wanted to do is serve his country. Senator Brandt gives him the chance to serve on the most important battlefield of the war, as he calls it. The USO tour across America raising funds for the war. Days before the tour is set to start he meets his new assistant, Betty Carver. Steve is hers the second he sees her but Betty might take more convincing. Her heart has become Steve’s Most Important Battlefield.

A/N: Well this took me ages to get out. Sorry about that, just a bit of writer’s block. Please leave feedback, it means the world to me. 

Buffalo, Milwaukee, Philadelphia. The tour rolled on and things slowly thawed between Steve and Betty. The films turned out to be a huge success, raising thousands for the war effort. Steve already had a hard time staying mad at Betty, it didn’t help that she had been right. But still, something had shifted in their relationship and Steve didn’t know how to get it back.

The tour moved into St. Louis where the entire company came down with the flu. Steve walked into the venue expecting to find a whirlwind of pre-show activity like usual but instead he found Michaels reading a paper.

“Show’s canceled, Rogers. Didn’t Betty tell ya?” Michaels asked.

“No, I haven’t seen her today,” Steve said. He slumped into the seat next to Michales and dropped his head into his hands, rubbing his face.

“You told her you’re in love with her yet?” Michales asked casually while continuing to peruse his newspaper.

"No! God, no!” Steve exclaimed. “Is it that obvious?”

“Mmm.” Michales murmured, his focus remained fixed on his paper.

“What am I gonna do Michaels? I was such an ass to her. I don’t know how to show her how sorry I am.”  Michaels finally lowered his paper and turned to Steve.

“Apologize. Take her out dancing. Kiss her good.” Michaels said. Steve hung his head. Michaels had suggested three things he wasn’t very good at. The door at the end of the hall swung open and Steve looked up to see Betty walking towards him. The corners of her lips were slightly downturned and she looked tired, as she had since she and Steve had fought. He had no way of knowing but the change in their relationship was effecting her too. Michaels folded up his newspaper and excused himself. Steve stood up as Betty walked closer.

“I’m sorry I didn’t reach you before you came all the way down here, Mr. Rogers. Obviously you know now the show is canceled.” Her words sounded robotic and she looked truly unwell. Somehow Steve knew it wasn’t the flu.

“Betty,” Steve started, feeling nervous. He reached out to take her hands in his, her touch grounded him. She let him envelop her hands in his large warm ones but she couldn’t meet his eyes. “Betty, I’m sorry. I was wrong, I was so wrong to get angry at you like I did. I guess I just wanna know that you’re in my corner, Betty. I can’t do this without you.” Betty’s head dropped and a few tears dropped onto her and Steve’s hands. Steve saw her crying and pulled her in close to his chest, wrapping her in his warmth. She allowed herself to linger there, listening to his heart, for a moment before she pulled back and dabbed at the corner of her eyes with her fingertips. Steve offered her a handkerchief which she accepted.

“Thank you Mr. Rogers. Of course I forgive you. And I’m sorry too. But at the end of the day, I have a job to do.” Betty said.

“I know, and I know I don’t make it easy sometimes.”

“No!” said Betty with a watery chuckle, “No you don’t. But I'm in your corner, Mr. Rogers. I always will be.” She said finally meeting his eyes.

“Thank you, Betty. I… um, I wanted to ask you something,” Steve said suddenly insecure. He shifted on his feet and rubbed the back of his neck while a blush crept across his cheeks.

“Mr. Rogers, would you accompany me to dinner tonight?” Betty asked, a smile playing across her lips.

“Yeah!? Yeah! Yes, yes please.” Steve rambled. Betty actually burst out laughing while her heart swelled with affection for the man in front of her.

“I’m actually from here and I wanted to show you a few of my favorite places.” Betty explained. “Shall we meet in the hotel lobby at 7?”

The day seemed to drag on forever but finally it was almost 7 o'clock. Steve checked his tie and hair in the bathroom mirror. He still didn’t quite recognize the reflection that stared back at him. He knew he was more classically handsome now but there was a part of him that wanted to still be the skinny kid from Brooklyn again. Less expectation, less responsibility, just running around with Bucky getting into trouble. Except Bucky was fighting in a war and Steve was Captain America. There was no going back.

At five minutes to seven Steve was walking into the hotel lobby where he found Betty already waiting for him. She wore a navy blue dress whose color almost exactly matched Steves Captain America costume. Her lips were swiped in the loveliest shade of red and her hair fell in perfect, bouncy curls. Steves breath went out of his chest at the sight of her. His mouth clammed up and his hands felt sweaty.

“Good evening Mr. Rogers. Are you ready?” she asked. A delicate smile played on the corner of her lips at seeing Steve so undone.

“Betty,” he finally managed to get out, “you look… well you look just. Perfect. I’m ready. Shall we?” He asked and he bravely extended his arm her direction. She gracefully took it, wrapping her arm around his elbow and they walked out of the hotel and into the fresh night air.

The evening was perfect. Steve and Betty ate at her favorite greasy spoon where she opened up to him a bit. She regaled him with tales of growing up with 8 older brothers and working in her immigrant parents laundromat before and after school. Steve confessed his penchant for getting punched in the face and told her all about running all over Brooklyn with Bucky. He made sure to leave out that Bucky was devilishly handsome and far more adept with women than he was.

They wandered the streets, Betty showing him her old haunts and famous sites. They ended the evening on a bench in the park with fresh made ice creams from Betty’s favorite shop. That sat in silence for some time, enjoying each other’s company before Steve worked up the courage to speak.

“Betty,” he said. He turned to look at her and she looked back at him with a quizzical look in her eyes. He shifted in his seat, sweat breaking out on his brow. “Betty there’s something I’ve been wanting to tell you. I-“

“Don’t!” Betty said, her expression full of understanding. She quickly placed her fingers against Steve plush, pink lips to stop his words from tumbling out. “Don’t. Please.” She pleaded. Steve pursed his lips.

“Ok. I’m sorry.” Steve muttered, his attention back on his ice cream.

“It’s ok, really. I just, I have to keep things professional. This is the way it has to be. You understand?”

He looked into her sparkling eyes and felt as though the great dam inside of him was going to burst. Instead he said, “Of course I understand. Keep it professional.”

Steve stood and tossed his empty ice cream cup into a nearby trash can. He took Betty’s and did the same and then reached out for her hand to help her up. She slid her hand into his and for a moment she wanted nothing more than to interlock her fingers with his and hold on forever. Instead she let her hand drop to her side as they began walking back to their hotel.

Steve walked Betty up to her room and waited patiently while she found her room key in her purse. She pulled it out and was about to put it in the lock when she turned to Steve.

“I had a really lovely time with you tonight, Mr. Rogers. Thank you,” she said.

“Of course. I had a great time too,” Steve said pulling his lips into a tight smile. After a moment of staring into one another’s eyes Steve couldn’t stand it anymore. He leaned down and pressed a kiss to her cheek, close to the corner of her mouth then he quickly turned and walked away. Betty gently touched her finger tips to the place where Steve had kissed her. A million thoughts swirled through her head so she let herself into her room and closed the door.

Down the hall Steve was pacing the floor in his room. His thoughts were racing. He kissed her! What was he thinking!? He needed to get a grip. But with Betty it was hard. She breaks down his inhibitions. She makes him scared and brave and crazy all at the same time. The truth was, Steve realized, halting his pacing, he was in love with her. He was irrevocably in love with Betty Carver.

TAGLIST @finleyjayne @alyxkbrl @suz-123​ @nacho-bucky​ @fairislesheets 

[elettralightwood]

First 100 pages ✨

Imagine watching both Stiles Stilinski and Alex Claremont-Diaz playing lacrosse 😮‍💨 Alex, babes, u wanna fuck him so bad it makes you look stupid 🫶 "Alex’s kind of love story is much more Shakespearean." Someone has to tell him 💀 No cause twelve years old Alex wanting to keep a pic of Henry? Y'all are gonna have to sedate me 😃 "4. Any information regarding or involving HRH Prince Henry’s personal or private life not previously released by official Royal documents, speeches, or approved biographers, including any personal or private relationship the Guest may have with HRH Prince Henry; 5. Any information found on HRH Prince Henry’s personal electronic devices." This is actually heartbreaking ☹️ Sleepy Henry 🥹 "A blue-haired girl in the crowd lifts up a homemade poster that reads in big, glittery letters, GET IN ME, PRINCE HENRY! " OOP 💀 "He’s been aware for too long that most people don’t navigate thoughts of whether they’ll ever be good enough or if they’re disappointing the entire world." Same here my boy 🫡 All of the hospital scene is permanently engraved in my brain 😪 I'm liking this Rafael guy 😌 "Ellen says, starting on another slice crust-first." Immediately jail 😦 "Henry’s super into classical mythology" just like me 🥹 "You keep doing that stupid smile every time you look at your phone. Who are you texting?" Full on giggling 🤭 Who is writing a ff about Alex and Macron 💀 Istg i've seen every movie and tv show they talk about in this book 😎"Alex doesn’t know why Henry never responds to his selfies from bed." I might have a theory 🤔 The turkeys phone call, best thing to ever happen 🤝 "i sent pics of turkeys so i deserve pics of your animals too." ALEX U SNEAKY FUCKER 🤭 "he’s right back in his teens, caring too much about his parents and helpless to change his situation." This one hit a bit too close to home y'all 🫥 STFU HE CALLED HENRY 😭 "I don’t know. I’ve been kind of ... off ... lately.” Alex, babes 🙂 "something feels so restless and hot somewhere beneath his sternum. / He spots Alex, and his smile broadens." Two idiots in love 🤧 “Here,” Alex says, moving his own hips, “watch me.” With a grave gulp of champagne, Henry says, “I am.” Henry is holding on to his champagne for dear life. GIVE MY MAN A BREAK 💀 Alex likes the look on Henry’s face, the sure curl of his hand around the neck of the bottle, the way his lips wrap around the mouth of it. Horny jail 🚨 Maybe he can absorb some of the “much” from the place where their shoulders are pressed together. Thanks for asking, i am not well 😀 THEY KISSED MOTHERFUCKERS I AM SO UNWELL RIGHT NOW Y'ALL ARE GONNA HAVE TO SEDATE ME

"Go fuck yourself.” “Hardly enough time,” Henry says. Jaw on the floor. Left completely speechless. Iconic behavior.

“No need to apologize,” Henry tells her. “Rebel commanders outrank royalty.” He shoots Claudette a wink and a salute." Henry my beloved 😭

"a picture of Henry’s dog wearing a Slytherin scarf. (i don’t know WHO you think you’re kidding, you hufflepuff-ass bitch, Alex texts back, before Henry clarifies his dog, not him, is a Slytherin.)" This is literally a married couple.

"You are the thistle in the tender and sensitive arse crack of my life." "Thanks!" OH MY GOD 💀

"I thought you’d kill me in a more personal way. Silk pillow over my face, slow and gentle suffocation. Just you and me. Sensual.” “Ha. Well.” Henry coughs. My brother in christ was fighting for his life every second ☠️

"And I know you like Henry.” “Shut up,” Alex says. He brushes a finger under his collar and finds his skin damp. Do they always have to crank the heat up this high when it’s snowing outside? “This is interesting,” Nora observes. “No, it’s not,” Alex snaps. “Fine, he can come. But if he doesn’t know anybody else, I’m not babysitting him all night.” “I gave him a plus-one,” June says. “Who is he bringing?” Alex asks immediately, reflexively. Involuntarily. Oh he panicking panicking 🤭

"Please do smack me if this is out of line, but you are the most exquisite woman I have ever seen in my life." “You’re a charmer,” June says, smiling indulgently “And you are a goddess.” I would've blushed SO HARD.

It feels as steady and huge as the ground under their feet, as encompassing of every part of him, as likely to knock the wind out of his lungs. SHUT THE FUCK UP 😭

Whoever told me Alex wasn't in love from the start was LYING to me. He didn't realize it, yes, but boy was whipped!

Reading Red White and Royal Blue and reacting every 100 pages ❤️💙

[nothingbutimagines]

The Sound (Peter Parker)

Part One: Somebody Else

Pairing: Ex!Peter Parker x Reader

Warning: Cursing, heartbreak, some ffh spoilers (lots tbh)

Summary: Y/n and Peter broke up right before the blip and while both blipped out, Y/n was worried about Peter and realized that the break up was a mistake. But, when they go on the school trip to Europe, Ned breaks the news to Y/n that Peter has moved on and Y/n is determined to get back with Peter before it’s too late.

Author: Dizzy

A/N: This part two of Somebody Else! I decided to keep going with the 1975 as inspiration. y’all really wanted a part two, so I had to deliver! A bit of a plot twist in this one, but it’s alright.

Tagged: @s-ecret--garden @sunnytkm23 @my-current-fandom-is @lotr-th-hp @jackiehollanderr

Masterlist Request Any Of These Peter Parker/Tom Holland Masterlist

____________________

“Come on, Y/n, cheer up!” Betty gleamed as she put a hand on yours. “We’re in a ferris wheel at the carnival! This is fun!”

You gave her a small smile and flipped your hand so you could hold hers. You couldn’t help but still feel the lingering remnants of Peter’s lips on yours, the feeling of how he gripped your hips. You had screwed up, again, and who knew if Peter was going to forgive you. 

“Betty’s right, Y/n.” Ned smiled, giving you a playful nudge. “Things between you and Peter will get better. Maybe you guys can be friends again another time.”

But you didn’t want to be friends with Peter later, you wanted to be in a relationship with him now. You loved him, he loved you, at this point, what did it matter if he had lied to you? It didn’t.

“Thanks, guys. I think I’m going to get off when the wheel hits the bottom, I need to take a walk to clear my head.”

“That sounds like a good idea.” Betty smiled and gave you an encouraging nod.

You sighed. “I royally screwed up, guys. I just need to talk to him about it.” 

You all sat in comfortable silence for the rest of the ride until you reached the bottom and you flagged down the operator to help you off. You told your friends goodbye and thanked them before deciding to take a walk through the carnival.

You shoved your hands in your pockets and kept your head down, the lights around you blinded you. The music rang in your ears as you walked. 

You couldn’t help but continue to think about Peter. You missed him and you had so many chances to make things right between you both, but you never did. And now, here you were, walking through a carnival in some place you didn’t know, worrying about all that you had done wrong to mess things up between you two. 

You were so lost in your thoughts, you hadn’t noticed when you bumped into someone. 

“Oh shit, I’m sorry.” You mumbled, not looking up at the person you bumped into.

“Y/n?” Michelle’s voice made you look up at her. “Do you know where Peter is?”

“I don’t know, Michelle. I gotta go.” You said quickly, pushing past her as she grabbed your arm.

“Y/n, are you okay? You’ve seemed upset this whole trip.”

“I don’t expect you to understand, Michelle. I really need to go th-”

As you were about to finish your sentence, you were cut off by a loud crash as people began to run past you. Michelle had let go of your arm, and you were struggling to run against the current as a large monster appeared high above the crowd. 

You stopped in place as you saw him, Peter, swinging on webs and in a suit you didn’t recognize. You wanted to call out to him, but you were in awe and you also couldn’t give away his identity. You watched as he swung around the monster and that hero, Mysterio, all your friends were talking about, came into view. 

“This is for my family!” You heard the other hero yell. 

You began to panic. You recognized that voice. It couldn’t be real. 

“Mysterio!” You yelled, your hands cupping over your mouth, causing Peter to look at you, but not the other hero. “Dad! Dad! DAD!” 

Mysterio turned around and you knew he was looking at you. 

Your parents had divorced when you were six, your dad moved out and decided to work for Stark, the same man Peter had later begun to work for. Your mom said that your dad became unwell after the divorce and obsessed over off things, which was why, she said, he never came to visit much outside of birthdays and holidays.. 

“Young lady, get out of here.” Mysterio said to you as Peter swooped down by your side. 

“Y/n, get out of here. It isn’t safe. Go.” 

“No! Not until daddy dearest cuts the shit!” You exclaimed. “My dad isn’t a hero, Peter. He doesn’t do things like this.”

“We’ll talk about this later, Y/n. Now get the fuck out of here.” His voice was stern and deep and you couldn’t help but follow his directions and run as far away as you could. 

As you ran down the long alleyways, you ran into Michelle once more. She wasn’t your first choice in friends to run into. In fact, you two weren’t even friends, but now you needed to be. 

“Michelle! Wait up!” You called after her as she turned to look at you and allowed you to catch up to her. “I need your help.”

“What’s going on?”

“I can’t tell you here, we need to get further away from here. I’m worried he might hear us.” 

You and Michelle turned the corner and continued walking toward your hotel. You struggled to collect your thoughts as you walked alongside her, stopping once you got a considerable distance away from the scene that was unfolding nearby.

“Okay, Michelle, when I tell you this, you cannot- absolutely cannot- think I am crazy.” 

Michelle stared blankly at you for a second before nodding her head. 

“Okay, yeah, sure. You’re not crazy.”

“Okay,” You started, grabbing her shoulders tightly, “I think I know who Mysterio really is. I think he’s my dad.”

Michelle began to laugh, causing you to look at her wildly. 

“Oh my god, Y/n, you can’t be serious.” She laughed before looking at you and dropping her smile. “Oh wait, you’re very serious.”

“I am!” 

“But Mysterio is some sort of alien hero. He’s not from here.”

“Trust me, Michelle, I would recognize my dad’s own voice.”

“But you haven’t seen your dad in two years.” 

You gave her a puzzled look. “How’d you know that?”

“I overheard you and Peter talking about it at the decathlon that one time.” Michelle said. “In my opinion, you’re not very good at staying quiet and neither is Peter. And your dad seems like a dick.”

“He is.” You agreed. “I just need to talk to Peter, though.”

“Why do you need to talk to him?” 

“No reason.” You said a little too quickly. “I mean, he works for Stark and I think maybe he can help me get this information to someone who can actually do something with it.”

“Well, in that case,” Michelle paused as she pulled something out of her pocket, “tell Peter to give this to somebody. I found it on the ground. Thought it might be a clue.”

“What is it?” You asked as she pushed the object into your hands.

“I have no idea. Maybe Peter or someone else might.” 

“Thanks, Michelle.”

“You know my friends call me MJ, Y/n.”

You smiled, though you felt bad for disliking the girl only moments ago for being the subject of Peter’s interest.

“Thanks, MJ.”

____________________

“Hey, MJ, would you wanna hang out, go on a walk?” You heard Peter say as you and Michelle walked towards your rooms. 

“Thanks, Peter, but I’m really tired. Maybe Y/n would want to go with you?” Michelle asked, pushing you towards Peter.

“But, MJ-” You looked at her.

“You guys have fun. Don’t forget to show him the thing.” Michelle smiled before closing her hotel room door.

“What thing?” Peter asked.

“Why don’t we take a walk and I’ll explain everything?” You replied, taking Peter’s arm in yours and guiding him down the stairs and out of the hotel. “Let’s start with who Mysterio really is.”

“Y/n, Mysterio isn’t your dad, if that’s what you are trying to say. He’s just a guy from another dimension!”

“A guy from another dimension? Peter, what makes you believe that?”

“Well he has some really cool powers and high tech gear. And his people sound pretty interesting!”

“And what makes you think I wouldn’t recognize my own dad’s voice?”

Peter stopped you as you both walked down the middle of a bridge. You stood across from him as he gave you a look you weren’t sure how to read.

“Y/n, you’ve been acting so weird and you’ve been lying to me and doing things to get my attention, how can I believe that your dad is somehow miraculously a hero?”

“I’m not crying wolf, Peter!” You exclaimed, throwing your arms up. “Sure, I did a few tricky things to talk to you, but I still love you, okay? And fuck you, I know my dad! I may not have seen him in a few years, but he does call ever once in a while. I haven’t seen the guy, but I know his voice.”

“You still love me?”

“Stay on topic, Peter!” You groaned. “My dad is not a hero. He is conceited and obsessed with superheroes, I wouldn’t put it past him to do something as crazy as try to be one. And I don’t know if you noticed, but he only looked at me when I called him ‘Dad’.”

“He was fighting an Elemental, that’s why he didn’t respond the first time.”

“But so were you, and you looked at me.”

“That’s because I know when you’re around, cause I can just sense you! And I know what your voice sounds like.”

“That just proves my point! That I know my dad’s voice!”

Peter rolled his eyes. “Fine, let’s say your dad is Mysterio. How’d he develop wicked powers and that costume?”

“I don’t know, but,” You paused to pull out the object Michelle gave you and handed it to Peter. “Michelle found this and gave it to me. I think it’s some sort of projector. I thought you could give it to Nick Fury or someone to figure out what it really is.”

Peter smiled and took it from you before shoving it in his pocket. “Thanks.”

“Hey, have you seen Mysterio out of costume?” You asked, now pulling out your phone.

“Yeah, of course. Why?”

You pulled up a recent picture of you and your dad and held your phone screen out to face Peter. “Is this him?”

Peter’s face went pale as he studied the photo of you and your dad smiling at your 14th birthday party. 

“Uh, yea-yeah. That’s him.” He mumbled as you shoved your phone in your pocket.

“I fucking knew it, that asshole. Always having to ruin things for me.” You groaned. “Fuck! We need to go, Peter.”

You grabbed Peter by the arm and began to drag him back towards the hotel. 

“Are we going to talk about the fact that you said you still love me?” Peter asked as he took your hand off of him.

“Not unless you love me too, no.”

____________________

“Who did you tell?” Nick Fury asked as Peter stumbled backwards. “Who did you tell about this? I know you must’ve told someone.”

“Just Ned and Y/n! I swear!” Peter replied shakily.

Fury began to disappear to reveal Mysterio, aka Quentin and his drones. 

“Y/n?” He asked.

“Yeah-yes. Y/n L/n.” Peter winced as Quentin grabbed him by the collar.

“You involved my daughter?!” Quentin hollered. “You got Y/n involved in this mess?!” 

“Yes, I did! I did! I didn’t think she’d be in any danger. You are her dad and she’s the one who said you were here, that you were Mysterio.”

Quentin let go of the young boy, allowing him to fall to the ground. He gave Peter an angry and pointed look, his finger like a gun barrel staring Peter in the face. 

“You are going to regret this, Parker. EDITH, set up a drone strike for Mr. Parker’s friends.”

“You can’t do that!” Peter cried, moving towards Quentin.

“And what makes you say that?” Quentin challenged.

“Because Y/n could get hurt or worse. And you don’t want that, do you?”

“No, I don’t. But you shouldn’t have involved her.”

“I didn’t mean to! I love her!” Peter exclaimed, realizing the words that came out of his mouth after he has said them. 

He still loved you. And now your dad was willing to put you in harms way because of him.

“Get out of my face, kid. I can’t bear to even look at you.” 

Peter couldn’t look at himself, either, but as the train hit him, he thought he’d never have to. 

There you were, smiling at Peter from across the field. Your cheer uniform seemed as though it was waving at him happily as it swung along to your jumps and various movements. 

“Peter!” You cried, turning to the girls you were with, seemingly giving them a quick goodbye before you rushed to the other side of the field and into Peter’s arms. “I’ve missed you!”

“Careful, Y/n.” Peter groaned. “I’m still a bit sore from my Germany trip with Mr. Stark.”

“Worked out too hard in the hotel gym, huh?” You joked, giving Peter a peck on the lips. “I missed you. I can’t wait to hear all about your trip.”

“I love you, bug.”

“I love you too, Petey. Always will.”

“Hello? Peter? Peter, you there? Hello?” Your voice pulled Peter away from his daydream. 

“Y/n, Y/n, you were right. Your dad is Mysterio and he’s crazy and mad at me because he knows you know. And that I told you.”

“You told him I knew?!” You cried. “Peter, where are you?”

“I’m-I’m waiting for Happy to come get me. Y/n, you need to listen to me, okay? If anything happens to one of us, I want you to know I love you.”

“What?”

“I love you, Y/n. I still love you. Just know that. Who cares if I lied about me being Spiderman because I was trying to protect you and keep you safe because I love you and now I am such a fuck up because I’ve put you in harm’s way.”

“I love you too, Peter. I don’t care that you lied anymore. I just need to know that you’re okay right now.”

“I’m in a random town, but I’m okay. I just needed you to know I want you back. I want to get back together when this all blows over.”

“I’d like that, Peter. We’ll figure it out. I promise.”

____________________

You could feel Peter fall apart in your arms, his breathing heavy and his voice cracking as he told you what had happened to your father, how he did what he had to do. 

“It’s okay, Peter, it’s okay.” You cooed. “I love you.”

Peter, battered and beaten, pulled away from you. Without hesitation, he cupped your face in his hands and kissed you. 

[punkscowardschampions]

James & Ava

James: [okay so we all know the mood is that he sees whatever she's posted and literally goes there immediately with no thought of who else could also be cos he NEEDS to check that she's alright. The drama of it all] Ava: [but luckily no one is there and she'd be so shocked but also grateful 'cos no one wants to be alone and feeling unwell, esp. not in hospital] James: [when he'd have to say he was her brother so he can take her #awkward] Ava: [lollol finding that more amusing than you would otherwise 'cos concussion breaking your awks] James: [oh she'd be so cute I can't] Ava: [just hugging him so hard] James: [we all need that moment but sadly it cannot last forever because he'd have some driver doing circles endlessly cos there's nowhere to park at hospitals ever] Ava: [seriously, and it's so expensive] James: [when you were so desperate to get in there you didn't think about how long it could have taken like she could've been admitted and that driver is just lowkey out there for the rest of time] Ava: [lmao i wonder how long he'd wait for that bag before getting bored, luckily they'd low-key be ready to get rid 'cos too busy and overcrowded] James: [practically pushing her out the door as soon as they saw someone show up for her so he doesn't even have time to give her a feelsy speech lol] James: [just help her out to the car boy, you've had a lot of practice with drunk girls in heels and it'd be the same vibe] Ava: [just saying thank you over and over] James: [meanwhile he's asking her if she's okay over and over like every step they trying to take here] Ava: ['Oh God, you must think I'm so stupid, I swear, they came out of nowhere'] James: ['We both know you're not stupid, Ava' shout out to that text cleverness 5ever tbh 'I'm just glad you weren't seriously hurt'] Ava: ['How have you been, I've been so worried' shoutout to this concussion giving me shameless freedom lol] James: [when you can only shake your head because 1. you ain't been good 2. you don't wanna tell her any of it and 3. you don't think you deserve her worry/ want her to worry about you] Ava: [sad face] James: [stopping to stroke said face, don't fall over girl, he's got you] Ava: ['James-' and then just looking 'cos what can you say] James: [looking back at her cos likewise but then you gotta drop them eyes cos so sad] Ava: ['you look tired' and making more of an actual effort to get into this car] James: ['I am tired' but helping her in and doing her seatbelt for her because not gonna see her struggle ever, telling the driver her address because there's nowhere else you can take her but home even though you have no idea if as soon as you get there someone is gonna show up for her and you obviously don't want that] Ava: [patting your shoulder like 'you can come sleep' like no no one can babe] James: ['no' but a little smile cos she's cute af 'I'm supposed to keep you awake'] Ava: [when you make a face like 😏] James: ['by which, of course, I mean, you've got a 8 hour date with Edward Cullen ahead of you'] Ava: [grinning like a fool but then being like, wait 'you'll stay though, can you?'] James: ['I'm not going to leave you alone' oh the heavy unspoken implication that she might not be if the friends or fam descend 💔] Ava: [resting your head on him as a silent thank you but then lifting it like 'so awake, promise'[ James: [stroking her hair and keeping an eye like] Ava: [being like let me tell YOU a story and honestly God knows but it'd be cute and she'd be trying to match his storyteller energy] James: [when that's lowkey the moment he falls in love with her bye] Ava: [asking the driver to play the new moon soundtrack] James: [loling and honestly when was the last time he did that, we all know it was when they were together] Ava: [live the emo life and love it babes] James: [he's GOTTA dance in his seat to keep her awake, no other reason #notanerd lol] Ava: [just clapping and cheering him on like nothing to see here driver God bless] James: [so not what that man was expecting to 👀 or 👂] Ava: [freaking out drivers is low-key a fave] James: [the one time you're happy about London traffic tbh] Ava: [even though we ain't gonna interrupt, you don't know that boy] James: [speaking of, probably send a text or something to check on the kids because you just ran like assumedly they at their grandparents but] Ava: [never leaving 'em with Chlo we all know] James: [lord her and Jay would kill each other] Ava: [I'd genuinely be worried for her safety so don't blame you remotely boy, least her parents are invested] James: [literally though & you can have those grandparents forever babs we ain't taking them away from you] Ava: [awkward that your mum never shows but that's just that on that] James: [lbr that's for the best stick with your dads kiddos] Ava: [we all know it, even if Matty might not end up remembering much] James: [Ava lowkey her mum now oops] Ava: [and Jay's actual auntie...lol what a tangled web we weave boo] James: [at least they can all stay connected] Ava: [true facts] James: [makes my heart happy even if it's weird] Ava: [lean in to how weird this family is James] James: [they weird af but they're better than the one he's got #noshadetoTeddythough] Ava: [all the shade to you Chlo, sort it out] James: [her poor future children & husband] Ava: [honestly, good luck] James: [he'd have to be about everything she is or else what the fuck] James: [anyway we've been sidetracked get to Baze's house you two] Ava: [movie marathon awaits, what else do we vibe or shall we just try and see what comes out, like] James: [let's just run with it and see what happens because we extra and anything could be said and done tbh] James: [imagine how awkward it'd be when they get there because he'd have to send her in first and just be shitting himself in the car like is anyone there or no] Ava: [at least you know full well no one is there 'cos business trips forever so you're just at the door shaking your head and doing the 'come on' gesture] James: [he'd just help her to the sofa like immediately & get her blankets and pillows and painkillers (even though it wouldn't touch a concussion headache) and a phone charger and everything else she could possibly need cos Chloe's got him trained like a dog] Ava: [low-key pulling at him, gently, like boy sit down] James: [when you are then looking at her like what did I forget/ do wrong before you realise] Ava: [squeezing his hand because you can only say thank you so many times, putting the film on but then pausing and gasping so dramatically 'coffee, I promised you coffee' and going to get up like can you be careful please] James: [thinking she's in pain or something because of that gasp so being at her side like 0-1000 and slowing her down cos they can do it together thank you] Ava: [making a face at herself like ffs when she catches on 'I'm not trying to age you' and touching his non-grey hair and wrinkles like totally necessary yep] James: ['but you're offering me coffee, what's next red meat or red wine?' but no actual shade cos we both know he doesn't care and none of that is what's aging him anyway, taking her hand from his face and gently kissing said hand before handholding to lead her to her own kitchen like let's do this] Ava: ['I don't know where my cigarettes are' shrugs and smiles like sorry not sorry, smiles even harder but lowkey stops breathing when, kissing ontop of where he just kissed her hand, then getting to this all-singing all-dancing coffee machine 'you have to pick the most daring option, one you've never, ever tried before, okay?' and waggling her finger like so serious about this] James: [takes his own cigarettes out of his pocket and slides the pack over to her 'okay' and does pick, really concentrating on the decision even though there'd be so much shit he hasn't tried and we all know he could just pick option 1 and be done] Ava: [takes one out and puts it behind her ear for later 'cos no need to light up in your parents home, just watching him 'cos so cute and then nodding like yes, good choice and picks the same, setting up this machine 'cos they're always more confusing and/or time-consuming than they need to be I swear] James: [where's the lie you gotta have the knack I swear, his turn to watch her now though because she's beautiful doing anything ever and he missed her so bad] Ava: [ahh coffee goodtimes forever] James: [he needs it cos he is tired af so thanks Ava you babe] Ava: ['do we talk about what happened, or do we write it off?' when you just saying this casually whilst waiting for your coffees] James: ['I don't know' because he is genuinely torn between wanting to and also not] Ava: ['Wait and see how we feel' 'cos no rush or pressure here 'you better carry these though' 'cos we don't need burns as well ty] James: ['wait here a minute for me' because carries the drinks through and then comes back for her because why not carry her though as well obvs] Ava: [does and loves it 'I've missed you, you know'] James: ['I know now' just giving her 😍 casually 'I've missed you too'] Ava: [😍 right back 'Ask anyone' when you're talking about your mood but you realize that sounds like you been telling the world lol 'I mean, I've been a delight' 🙄] James: [when you shake your head like no it's okay 'I overreacted about your cousin, I'm sorry' takes a deep breath remembering that whole sad ending moment 'And I'm sorry for fucking up the start of your summer' because she loves it and he knows] Ava: ['I understand why, understood, whatever. And I am still sorry, I was just too excited and-' sighs like, you know, squeezing his hand again 'I promise, that's all sorted now though' 'cos clearly told her it's over by now, 'cos thought it was anyway; she nods like thanks but shrugs like it's okay too, don't worry 'Sure even I can't be grumpy in the Seychelles, like'] James: [blatantly almost kissing her because he understands the whole being too highkey thing because he was (*cough* is) too but doesn't because she's going away 'when are you going?'] Ava: [sad face like you didn't just say you aren't gonna be grumpy 'when my parents get back, couple of days'] James: [strokes her face again like he did earlier 'you'll feel better by then' because someone's meant to watch you for 48 hours actually NHS website says] Ava: [😈 me 😇 her looking at him 'how did you even- why- I-' continuously cutting herself off 'cos you know he was checking in on you now and you know he came without hesitating so it doesn't need to be said 'Oh, James'] James: ['Ava' saying her name with SO MUCH feeling that I cannot 'I had to' when you mean so many things by that like you had to go but you have to stay now and you had to make sure she was okay today but also you had to keep checking on her the whole time] Ava: [definitely gonna go in to kiss him can't stop that soz] James: [we all know it was only a matter of time and that this is gonna turn into a not at all casual make out session] Ava: [you honestly deserve it lads] James: [that coffee gonna be cold and they won't even notice] Ava: [the movies are also not being watched lmao but no one cares rn] James: [on pause forever sorry not sorry] James: [but eventually like after AN AGE one of them should lean on the remote or whatever so it starts playing and they're like wtf] Ava: [when you shit yourself like who is here but then loving 'cos hi Edward] James: [we all shitting ourselves and all loling] Ava: ['he's very possessive' no lie] James: [looking at Edward and then kissing her again like when you're trying to make someone jealous] Ava: [when you're loling too hard into his mouth like 'scuse me] James: [kissing her neck instead so she can have her adorable lol] Ava: [reacting to that in a v different way] James: [we back at it again at krispy kreme soz twilight saga] Ava: [i swear to god the ily curse is so real] James: [this always happens to us, don't talk for a bit lads, wink wonk] Ava: [its because we give them such high-pressure situations but yes, you should fully hook up 'cos haven't yet] James: [I wonder if the orgasm headache thing would work for a concussion one or not] Ava: [my boo says #experiment] James: [imma google it but I don't expect an answer] James: [nobody is telling me but if it can help a migraine I don't see why it wouldn't] Ava: [you'll be fine bitch, just a shameless excuse that he needs to hang around longer] James: [we should totally also do the shameless thing when he falls asleep and then wakes up immediately but is like oh no how long was I asleep because not only worried about her we know] Ava: [for sure, just there chilling like 🥰 'not long, but you looked peaceful'] James: ['I was' and more 😍 'I am' just snuggling happily because deserved af] Ava: [kissing the top of his head 'good' then lying down and snuggling harder 'I'm so glad you're here, that you're okay'] James: ['I'm glad that I'm here & that you're okay' kissing her forehead and holding her so tightly because he was so worried that something much worse had happened to her] Ava: ['It was kinda scary how much I missed you- like I said I WAS extra but I think, no, I still am, I can't lie to you'[ James: [when you are just falling so hard for her rn smiling like look at this perfect 😇 'you don't have to miss me any longer, minus however long you're spending in the Seychelles, of course'] Ava: ['Yeah?' trying but failing not to sound so hopeful 'And two weeks, so not as long as it has been, not that I was definitely counting or anything'] James: ['I was afraid, no, I am afraid but very few things have ever scared me as much as when I saw you were in hospital & I thought-'] Ava: [just holding him back even tighter like you could not be closer 'I'm so sorry I scared you, I won't ever do it again, even if I get hit by something more substantial than a 90lbs mum on a lightweight bike' and shaking her head with a lil lol 'cos it is funny even though it can be as bad as a car crash actual sometimes] James: ['You scare me in the best ways, you don't have to stop, I don't want you to' because think of the new things he's already done and the new things he's already felt, it makes me emosh goodbye] Ava: [when that's the hottest thing you've ever heard like 'scuse me round two] James: [you've actually got all night for once so make the most of it lads] Ava: [like literally no one needs it more than him so I'm allowing it, there's enough shit happened, happening and still to come] James: [amen to that] Ava: [happy bubble forever] James: [if only like, he is NOT gonna wanna leave in the morning but maybe we could say that like Jay has a playdate with friends or something cos soz babe you can't keep a secret so he just gets the baby and comes back] Ava: [that would be a moment] James: [just casually meet each other how cute] Ava: [have a normal, happy day like you're meant to oh] James: [you all deserve it truly] Ava: [meet your potential future stepchild babe] James: [do we wanna have them go out or stay in?] Ava: [🤔 obvs really want them to go to Kensington Park 'cos Peter Pan and like obvs I doubt anyone who would be bothered to report to Chloe is gonna be there but it is risky so maybe save it idk] James: [we will bookmark that for the future because MUST but they could take Frank on a walk somewhere cos we ain't referenced that sweet sir even if it's just through the streets like] Ava: [that's a good shout, you better be a good boy lol] James: [and don't cockblock them rn please] James: [they'd look like a little fam, I am FINE] Ava: [and lowkey behave more like one in one day like the bar is so low tah Chlo] James: [the scolding tea] James: how are you feeling? Ava: 😊 So happy Ava: Only a bit tired from the whole staying awake thing and you keeping me awake, like 😏 Ava: oh, and Frank said you've redeemed yourself so well done there too Ava: how're you and the girls? James: I'm happy to hear all of that James: has your dizziness gone? James: we're fine, but tired too Ava: Yeah Ava: barely a headache Ava: and my parents get in early AM so I should be all set to go when they do get here James: how much packing is there left to do? Ava: All of it but deciding which 14 bikinis I wanna take shouldn't take too long James: are you sure? I think it would take me a really long time to decide Ava: I'll put some stories up Ava: You can help me Ava: I reckon I need your clearly more considered opinion James: of course you do James: you wouldn't want to spend the entirety of your holiday wishing you'd chosen differently Ava: so true Ava: especially as I'm not allowed to pack my pout James: everyone is well aware of how important the pursuit of a tan is to you, darling, anything that jeopardises that, well, it's bound to be very pout inducing James: you'll be forgiven Ava: I don't know if my family is as forgiving as you Ava: perhaps they don't like my pout as much Ava: they definitely aren't as supportive in bikini related decision making James: I'll dedicate paragraphs to both James: multiple lengthy ones Ava: It'll seem gratuitous in the movie but nothing is too much for the book James: as long as it remains included in the director's cut James: or else I will be devastated Ava: I'll demand it in my contract Ava: I think it'll be a first in favour of taking your clothes off instead of keeping 'em on James: thank you James: you do deserve a multitude of firsts, honestly Ava: you deserve so much Ava: much more than I'm allowed to give you Ava: that reminds me Ava: as I can't give you anything as a thank you, I've had to get creative James: so much of what I deserve is negative & there is nothing you owe to me in any capacity, thanks included James: but I'd never want to discourage creativity Ava: Shh sh Ava: in the spirit of firsts and trying new things Ava: when you're all less worn out, go to [a sassy but kid-friendly cafe/restaurant that's a bit out there and exotic and definitely nowhere Chloe has ever made you take her] and tell 'em you're eating on me, yeah Ava: then when I get back and you're free, you're coming over and I'm cooking James: Ava Ava: It's already arranged, I go there all the time, it's the 2nd best Brazilian food I've had James: you've been to Brazil for the 1st, haven't you? I can tell Ava: Actually no, mores the pity Ava: but my Uncle is Brazilian and a chef, my cousin too Ava: having a big weird family has unexpected perks Ava: if you like it, I already have a recipe lined up that's meant to be 🔥 but even a novice like me can master it James: you'll have to wait patiently for my review because I regrettably can't send you a picture of my face after the 1st mouthful to serve as one, but okay Ava: I'll do my best Ava: though having any patience when it comes to you doesn't seem to be my strong suit Ava: arguably not a virtue I'm known for, ever, but especially now James: I'll do my best not to miss you so hard that it's physically painful but that doesn't appear to be my strong suit either & as previously agreed, I won't make any promises I'm forced to immediately break Ava: Oh Ava: Knowing it wasn't just me finding out that painful cliche is painfully real is somehow a comfort, to know you'll want to avoid the feeling as much as I do from now on but it also hurts me even more, the idea of you having to feel it at all in the first place Ava: but there is no conflict in just how hard I'm looking forward to seeing you again after this ill-timed holiday James: I don't ever want you to be in pain because of me, I have to insist on only the good cliches going forward James: devastatingly a postcard can't be included in that Ava: Hmm, got any long-lost great aunties I can pretend to be? 🤔😂 James: If I do my wife is bound to be aware of them, their current financial situation & any possible health concerns they are facing Ava: Valid Ava: Don't need to give her any more reason to 💀💀💀 me Ava: At least no holiday is complete without the obligatory narcissistic poolside shoot James: suffice to say I've never had a complete holiday, in that case Ava: I bet you've had to be cameraman plenty though Ava: so rude when you're so nice to look at James: & yet I've never been trusted to pick a filter Ava: 🙄 Ava: does she not know that you're an artiste James: no, it's our secret Ava: 😊 I like that James: I like you Ava: I like that more James: I wish I could see you again before you go Ava: Me too Ava: I kinda wish I weren't going James: how early are your parents getting back exactly? Ava: like 4am kinda early James: I won't make you stay awake again James: I know how tired you must be Ava: 🥺 James: I'm so relieved that I can't see that look on your actual face Ava: It's 💔 Ava: but I'll survive Ava: about James: you're a very strong person Ava: You James: I'm not Ava: You are though Ava: you put up with so much shit James: is that strength or is it weakness? Ava: I think it's strength Ava: You can't necessarily stop shit happening or get shit out of your life Ava: no matter how strong Ava: and you manage to do all the shit you have to regardless James: I'd like to think you're right Ava: Then you should Ava: I encourage it Ava: 🤓 me James: you are undeniably clever Ava: Try to be Ava: when I'm not standing in the middle of cycle paths, obviously James: I heard you say that bike came out of nowhere Ava: Yeah Ava: I miss you already Ava: Frank is not as good a nurse, like at all James: if you can fall asleep now, I'd feel less guilty about the prospect of asking you not to later James: should I hypothetically be able to get away Ava: 🛌🏃 Ava: Promise James: I can't give you a promise back Ava: I know Ava: but this way, I either stay asleep and that's that Ava: or I get the best surprise to wake me up James: what did I do to deserve you? Ava: This is the part where I say something very bad but Ava: you don't seem capable Ava: you're just James: whatever it was, I need to know so I can keep doing it Ava: just be you Ava: another cliche you've proven to be true and real James: this fortnight without you is going to be really cliche James: there's no chance of it existing beyond the 1st draft Ava: not even for my eyes only? James: well James: maybe Ava: Please please please James: okay James: you are my fairest critic & you do have beautiful eyes Ava: Yours are better Ava: but I won't be too jealous if I get to look at them more James: I definitely can't promise not to be envious of everyone in the Seychelles who will get to look at you more than I can Ava: Do you ever get a decent lunchbreak? Ava: we could facetime James: I'll figure something out James: because my dad takes the longest lunch breaks, you'd be forgiven for thinking it's the 80s Ava: 😏 we love a throwback 🙄 James: I'll take Matty to work with me, she'll distract whoever I need her to Ava: She is very cute Ava: I see it James: I won't be saying anything the like of that if she won't sleep tonight though Ava: 🤞 for you and her Ava: shame she's not yet at the walking stage Ava: Frank is so 💤 James: I can't keep her in any kind of routine, it's frustrating for both of us Ava: That's hard James: it's harder for her than it is for me, she never knows what's happening Ava: She'll get there Ava: I was the worst baby Ava: hopefully before you totally lose your mind, 'course James: I find it impossible to believe you weren't 😇 Ava: I was pretty premmie so my poor parents were confined to perpetual bright light for ages when I got home James: both the girls were so late James: that was an entirely different struggle Ava: I can imagine how delightful Ava: usually excusable but when you set the bar low to begin with 😬 James: the last thing I want to do is badmouth her to you, but as we know, sometimes things write themselves Ava: I feel you Ava: not a cliche I particularly wanna be either James: of course not Ava: but you can vent, you know Ava: I don't even have to reply, just if you need to put it somewhere James: no, I can't Ava: okay, just a suggestion James: so much of this is already not fair to you, Ava Ava: I don't think it is Ava: you've never lied about any of it, you're always realistic about what you can and can't give me Ava: and I'd like to help, in any tiny way I'm able James: you don't know what she's like & I'd rather you didn't have to know James: let's keep it at you don't do sympathy Ava: I know very little but that's not positive so it doesn't take your author level of imagination if I wanna go there without your guidance Ava: and it isn't sympathy but okay Ava: I won't mention her and you don't have to either James: I just can't have you seeing me differently because Ava: I'd never see you differently because of what she's like as a person James: it's too big of a risk for me to take, that you'll end up thinking less of me than you do now Ava: You can trust me Ava: but you don't have to Ava: I won't push anything, I don't need to Ava: as much as I want to take things fast in so many respects, I'm never going to take it where you don't want it James: it isn't you I don't trust James: I'm not a reliable narrator, she's made sure I'm not Ava: However...intertwined and diluted you feel your story got, because of her, because of whatever Ava: it's always gonna be your story to tell, if you want it Ava: and I'll always listen to how you tell it James: Ava Ava: James James: if it was a story I was in control of I'd come to the airport & tell you not to go James: cliche or not Ava: and I'd stay Ava: but that's far too much like a happy ending and we've only just begun James: you're right again Ava: don't sound so surprised 😉 James: I was actually trying to decide where it falls on the scale of ideas & habits, good, bad or somewhere in between James: that you always seem to be Ava: Have you drawn a conclusion yet? James: I couldn't possibly tell you James: you're supposed to be asleep Ava: damn Ava: you'll tell me in the morning? James: yes Ava: Okay, I'll go, as long as you know it is so reluctantly it's practically under protest James: & I won't stay here hoping you don't, as long as you know it's under identical conditions Ava: Noted Ava: Goodnight and sweet dreams for whenever that happens for you then, love James: thank you

[cyanpeacock]

Man today is the day I gotta get another MSK referral.

I’m nervous. Freaked out, actually. Like, I know I’ve got TMJ, back problems, warped ribs... it’s like, how much of this is just, Live With It, and how much can actually be helped? And is it because of Ehlers-Danlos? 

Which, like, dude, my ears fold like Giorno Giovanna. My cartilage is wack, and one component of cartilage is collagen. There are plenty of other indicators. My Beighton score is borderline, but I’m a small person, I don’t have much skin to stretch about. I’m no physiologist or doctor, but the inequalities fall on the Danlosian side of the equation. I know this. All I have to do is say what I’m dealing with. They’re doctors, and if they’re good doctors, they’ll take me seriously, unlike “doctor” [REDACTED].

I gotta like... stop going, “oh my god, I know it’s really looking like this, but-- it doesn’t matter. It doesn’t matter, right? I can just live with it. I can deal with it. I’ve had it my whole life. It isn’t causing me a proble...”

and start going, “... it is causing me a problem. My jaw falls out and I have to pop it back in, and it hurts. My back is fucked. My shoulders fall out and I just have to carry my shopping bags like that, even though it’s painful in that whole quadrant. My neck slides around and causes me pain, and so does my lower back, and the bits in between. My hips pop in and out. My knees and ankles ache. My wrists ache, and can’t support heavy loads. The only damn joints that don’t hurt are my elbows.”

like... it’s not that i’ve been consciously, willfully ignoring it. it’s that i’ve been semi-consciously, and previously unconsciously, passively denying it? because of my mother actively denying there was anything like, significantly weird about it, denying it when I told her I was in pain from stuff like my school bag. 

She’s got the velvety skin too, she gets weird bruises she doesn’t remember acquiring. I don’t know if she deals with anything else indicative of a collagen mutation, but those two things are indicative, even if she doesn’t have clinical Ehlers-Danlos herself (her ear cartilage was nowhere near as unusual as mine).

But like, I see and feel the phenotypic signs. I can’t determine the genotype, I don’t have the skills or access to resources yet. I have to trust that I’m not insane, that I don’t read too much.

Like... at this point I’m not a GCSE student, I’m not an A-Level student. I’ve had degree-level lectures on this kind of thing. Call it self-diagnosis if you want to, but I’m still questioning it, I haven’t made a diagnosis. I’m not a diagnostician, just a guy who happened to be very curious about genetics, and came across something that was like “oh shit, dude, I really think I might have that?”

On the danger of diagnosing from a phenotype, individuals with Fragile X Syndrome tend to have ears and facial structures that look like mine, but the more I read about Fragile X, the less concerned I was about it personally, because I clearly don’t have that in any clinically significant capacity. With Danlos... the more I read about it, about living with it, the older I get, the more I’m like, oh, fuck. I’m really starting to sound a lot like those 20-something-year-old people with Ehlers-Danlos I followed back when I was like, 17. I don’t like this at all.

If the suspicions are still here all these years later, then isn’t it right to go get it checked out? Either I get proven right on the genetic disorder front, and it’s like, DAMN, FUCK you Claire, I KNEW there was something up, or I get proven wrong, and it’s like, well, can you at least help me manage my injuries?  

Man it’s such a fuck struggling against all this ingrained “you’re not disabled, you’re not disabled, la la la la la.”

Yeah, sure, I don’t look disabled, but this is disabling me. 

I just wanna be able to get my shopping without pain, man. I just wanna be able to carry a rucksack and two shopping bags without my shoulders painfully slipping lower and lower. Maybe I shouldn’t do that any more, I don’t know.

And this is why I need to ask for the MSK referral again. I can do it. I might be mentally unwell, but I am not fucking deluded about this. I am not making this up. I am not somatizing. I need physical help with my physical body, too. 

Scary. It’s gonna be okay. I don’t believe that, but I still gotta tell myself that.