#god how I wish this were mE RN
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I’ve discovered my favorite genre of Bagginshield art is where Thorin is a lovesick idiot who is Losing It and Bilbo is unbothered or oblivious to Thorin’s suffering LMAO
#thorin oakenshield#bilbo baggins#bagginshield#if anyone has more please send it to me I have like four rn#I know I made a post a while back talking about how I wish there were more posts that focused on each of their lives outside of each other#and I still stand by that but I also can’t deny the fun in a Important Dwarf like Thorin turning into an idiot around Bilbo#tbh this works even platonically. this guy has friends bc he’s lucky not bc he’s actually friendly#so I can imagine becoming friends with Bilbo is like ‘fuck now I have to be nice bc he WILL actually leave. uh. oh god’#love men who are grouchy and offputting <3#and Bilbo is oblivious not as a flaw but bc he’s just not wired that way and he’s just accepting that Thorin is weird#bc he has no basis of which to assume he isn’t just Like That sometimes same way the dwarves don’t know shit abt hobbits#and it’s not as like. Bilbo being extremely innocent either he’s just not thinking about it LMAO#and Bilbo Also doesn’t have a ton of friends (different reasons but he IS also grouchy and petty) and he’s just ‘?? ok’#they’re both fucking stupid and everyone around them is dying and in anguish#I particularly enjoy when a character who is emotionally constipated and stoic and whatever just starts losing it#not even necessarily in a sappy or angsty way just. those emotions gotta come out eventually#so for a guy like Thorin who takes himself seriously and is very closed off emotionally it’s fun to just imagine that facade cracking#meanwhile Bilbo is just like ‘you ok??’#Bilbo himself has some emotional issues so it’s double the entertainment
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stranger things season one 2016 was so fucking incredible. it exists as an entirely different entity to me than the rest of the show. you literally just had to be there. to this day nothing has ever come close to the amount of universal love for a fictional story that stranger things first received. ive been chasing this high for eight years.
#ik theres a lot of young fans of this show that are teenagers rn and listen#if you were too young to watch this when it first came out I DONT THINK YOU REALIZE HOW HUGE IT WAS AT THE TIME#THE FIRST TEASER FOR SEASON TWO LITERALLY PREMIERED DURING THE SUPERBOWL#THAT ALPHABET WALL DID SOMETHING TO OUR BRAINS AND CHANGED THE WAY WE MAKE AND CONSUME SCIFI FOREVER#i genuinely believe that scene of joyce looking around at all the lights is one of the most iconic scenes in tv history#like i cant even explain it to you we lost our fucking minds over this show it was unlike anything anybody has ever seen#this was such a pivotal memory of my junior and senior year year of high school#everyone was wearing merch my teachers would gush about it in class everyone tuned in to watch the cast on fallon it was EVERYWHERE#and do not even get me started on halloween that year oh my god#it was just so fucking fun i miss it#just rewatched s1 and all i can think about is 17 year old me losing my fucking mind#its such an amazing season#i do understand why some people say they wish it stopped at season one im glad they didnt but i see where theyre coming from#stranger things#byler
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no the "omg ur just a lesbian bc u can't get a man!!!1" thing is SO wild because it's incredibly easy to get a man meanwhile getting a woman (as a woman) is INSANELY difficult. despite what everyone says is2g ~wlw~ have higher standards (with women) than men do with women or women do with men
#god i wish i were a straight man so bad.#they dont know how EASY they have it#truly if theres male incels that cant get any there must be something seriously seriously wrong with them like#either a severe physical deformity or severe issues with hygiene or severe severe autism/mental illness or something just really really bad#i mean REALLY bad#i know i sound like a bitter incel rn thats because i am. leave me alone#and honestly i dont feel like being trans limited my dating pool by much if at all bc tbh? nobody was interested in me in the first place#and like honestly all the ftms i knew irl had more game than me as a ~cis dyke~ so like. Lol.#idk bro maybe i am just that ugly. whatever.
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peachyville horror has done Something to my psyche and i dont know if i enjoy it only bcs its slow and painful ......... for the first time in my life im sitting here, 5 days before a new episode is coming out, and im getting excited about it being dndads tuesday soon
#like. in no other media#ever#no matter how much ive loved it#have i sat down and thought “oh god i wish it would be x day already so the next episode would come out”.#i tend to be fucking awful at consuming media#im a perfectionist at it#i overthink even fucking watching my favourite show (do i really want to rn should i save it for later am i awake enough etc)#but for tph im literally sitting here giddy thinking about tuesday#its so weird#it was sorta the same with s2 too but i got on board of s2 a bit later when things were already pretty dark#and i am SUUUUCH a sucker for happy go lucky funny media#like i fucking loved s2 (obviously) but listening to it was always also a bit more Serious than tph? idk how to explain#i just super like tph and it cheers me up a lot and at least now when theres no heady stuff going on its so relaxing and SO FUN#anyway#dndads#dungeons and daddies#the peachyville horror
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It would've been hilarious if ShawLuna had tried to cover their asses from the early volume transphobic jokes around Jaune by making him a trans woman. It can't be transphobia if it's ☆~foreshadowing~☆
#rwde#i wish i was at home rn so i could edit that brand margarine tub to 'i cant believe its not transphobia!'#the world if 99% of the rwby cast were trans 🏞🌟🌈#since all of jnpr are genderbent from their allusions theyre all trans. to me#ruby and qrow are trans bc i like them#also them being trans would be an excellent way to showcase how gender stuff works in remnant#i dont think qrow would be able to get a whole lot done w his semblance and all so no surgeries#just him and his hatsune miku binder against the world#but bc he's tried all sorts of things he knows the ins and outs and lets ruby decide which ways she prefers to go#god i miss messing around w ohar but it's such a huge project that i straight up dont have time for#i barely have time for the essay :/ thanks capitalism#im literally 3 seconds away from quitting my job just so i can crunch it in time for the election#i wanna stay sober the entire time im working on this thing and the election will 110% threaten that#plus some of the themes be relevant
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#i feel nothing inside#rn it’s 214 to 267 red and…#what do i even say#what can i do#how did they all see this fucking rapist convicted felon insurrection leading fuck and still vote#i don’t wanna be here rn#kms isn’t an option bc i love my friends and siblings and would never do that to them#but fuckkkkk#what has it all come to#i’m so tired#i’m so scared#i read thru all 900+ pages of project 2025 and it’s hell they want#i’m lost#i want my sister but she’s on a plane to visit a friend in india rn#god i wish that were me#i should just move with her in april when she goes to the netherlands like idk what else to do
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the thing that gets me abt religious ppl is they'll demand u respect their religion & that religion hating your existence but they won't respect ur right to be like yea my belief says god isn't real so thats a dumb reason for hating other people or ye ok then ur god is homophobic thats kinda shitty they go APESHIT like. it goes both ways? like they can say i hate gay ppl bc of my religion but when a gay person says well i dont respect that religion bc it doesnt respect me its ww3. I'm not walking on eggshells for people who are too quick to condemn me to hell
#likeeee. ppl have been homophobic to me bc 'their religion condemns it' but i cant be like ok well then fuck ur religion?#but they can say okay fuck you and be hateful and intolerant like that?#why do i tolerate u if u wont tolerate me? im just#like to me as an atheist/agnostic im like. hearing that something i dont even think is real is why u hate me as a person is so insane#like 'its unnatural and wrong bc my religion says so' like ok. why does that have to affect me as someone who doesnt follow said religion#jusr wish more religious ppl were as understanding and non judgemental as they claim they are??#like ur gna say that shit to me? u think god likes that ur speaking for him rn? u rly see urself on the same level as god?#u think YOU can judge others? embarrassing#*smacks own ass* this baby can fit so much religious trauma#i love religion sm for some ppl but then other aspects of it im like why cant yall just modify this as society progresses#them books old as hell them writers didn't even know electricity but ur talking their word abt an entire group of ppl being wrong & evil?#i like when religious ppl apply the teachings to modern society & take into account how shit has changed#when ppl take the good parts of religion and focus on them and bring that religious warmth w them where they go is so nice#(my friends<333)#like they live by them teachings and are good ppl but dc abt divorce or abortion or gays bc society has changed & ppl ultimately deserve#control of their own bodies and shouldnt have to be trapped in bad partnerships#& girls who love other women and dont agree w the typical 'woman serve men' that a lot of religious old folk got goin on#if u can modify some stuff in the religious books whats stopping u extending that grace to literal people just being who they are
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grief will have you saying shit like goddamn and fuck maybe the abuse was worth it
#ive made this post before i just cant find it and it’s all im feeling rn#god i miss my parents so fucking much even though they were the cause of SO MANY of my problems that idk if i’ll ever heal from#but navigating life w this grief and without their support- however little it was- feels like hell#but the abuse felt like hell too.#ive said it before but i was JUST getting to a place where i felt i could stand up for myself and knock down thwir shit a few pegs. or at#least become more resistant to it#i saw a future with them in it for the first time in my LIFE#and it was bc i’d done SO MUCH FUCKING WORK. and now i feel like it was all so fucking useless#it’d be easier if i was still in the phase of anger i was at like 19#but i’d processed that quite a bit and was trying to move on#FUCK. i had made SO much goddamn progress right before my mom got sick#then everything went down the toilet cus i cannot fucking have anything#it’s so unfair. i wish i could at least redo the last 3 years of my life#i would’ve done things so much different but i was so traumatized and still so angry and bitter and trying to preserve myself#ive come to the realization tjat the person i am today did not exist back then and therefore i shouldnt beat myself up bc it literally wasnt#available to me. i couldnt have done anythimg different bc i was in such a state of survival#and truthfully ive grown a lot since then even if im still in the trenches#the timeline of my entire life has been so fucking unfair#and i dont know how to reconcile any of it i dont know how to cope with my worst fears coming true#and i mean worst fears. even the way they passed. spot on to my worst fears#i despised what they did to me but i still didnt see life without them until i was at least 30#it was all so sudden and quick and shocking#yeah they were horrible parents but i was a horrible kid too. maybe i straight up just deserved that shit#and i’d go back to that and seeing a future with them in an instant#over this bullshit#it’s so hard. and then losing all my pets too at the SAME TIME. all my babies#everything that i loved ripped away from me in the span of MONTHS#it’s all too much. l oh fucking l. no wonder im 3 shots deep at fucking 3 pm#it just hurts so bad. so fucking bad.
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i really need to finish this one day
#one of my fave ideas but i keep getting stuck or starting over. third time's the charm hopefully#anyways. posting it as an excuse to rant because i'm losing my mind over this rn for no reason#incoherent but i just need to Talk or my brain won't shut up#you ever think about how fucked up it is that aoi feels guilty over what happened. i do. i think about her a lot#he can't even look at me. we aren't even blood related but he still had to go to jail because of me. i still love him#in reality none of it is her fault. it shouldn't be about doumeki in the first place. baby girl you were 15 when it happened.#you can say that yashiro is cruel in his dismissiveness (on the surface) of doumeki's trauma but you can see where he's coming from#you got a glimpse of what your sister was going through? of what i went through? and now you're sooo guilty over it? and who does it help?#doumeki's so focused on his own feelings that he ignored aoi when they were living together. “saves” her by pure chance#proceeds to focus on his guilt and ignore her again. if yashiro didn't get involved she'd be sitting in the rain for god knows how long#yet she still loves and to some degree idolizes him#yashiro and aoi both saying that doumeki isn't the type of person to be a yakuza too. doumeki's good doumeki's better than that#and then ch 24 happens. where yashiro says that he's going to throw up and doumeki's response is “i probably won't stop even if you do”#“guess i am like my father after all” and yashiro still goes “you're not. you're pure and im the problem”#(touches doumeki's face. rare gentle gesture. he's gentle afterwards too before leaving. man.)#he's not cruel enough to repeat what he said in the earlier conversation and he doesn't actually believe it anyway#but i wish yashiro was cruel there. it shouldn't have been about doumeki and his feelings. again.#something about yashiro throwing a knife at another person and it flying back at him huh#for all the talk about how doumeki supposedly romanticizes yashiro it really is the other way around. always has been#which is a whole other conversation but yeah. everything about aoi and yashiro in relation to doumeki makes me so fucking sad#but this is also what i mean when i say that aoi doesn't haunt the narrative per se but still has this weird presence?#she's in the parallels. she's in the brief but important mentions. she's in the “your sister was lucky she had you”.#wips tag
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i feel shy talking here when i dont have anything worth sharing but i cant help feeling like ive said things in the tags that could be brought up in court
#im joking#i think i just get embarrassed saying smth that most ppl can see out in the open. its like when prey animals are grazing in a pasture#and then they hear a twig snap yk. im like that. but talking in the tags is more comfortable because it just feels more.. hidden?? quiet???#its kind of like how i prefer responding thru asks than DMs.. idk if it has something to do with space or less pressure#i also use these as an excuse to ramble a little abt recent events so. ive worked a little bit on shuffle and prestos backstories ^_^#i was thinking abt giving them a shared past where they knew each other as kids and forgot but i also though hmm.. idk if it would drive th#story i want bc i think itd be better if they bonded over similar experiences instead of the fact that they knew each other before. i get#that reconnecting and reconciling your idea of someone now and then is a good concept but id have to think abt it.. i dont want it to feel#like they owe each other to be friends again just bc they were as kids. ive experienced that a lot and all it did was make me feel guilty#so i think id want to write it as u can be friends with someone who had similar experiences and make u wish you knew each other then#i also know theyd hate each other but idk HOW. i suck at writing conflict so idk if theyd try to make each other eat glass and why#idk if itll ever come up but id also like to see if theres a way i could rationalize why they have animal ears.. normally i say aliens#but ive had an idea for a species and background for that too. although its very abstract and it probably has a lot of holes#smth abt peoples souls attaching themselves to smth they identify with.. although i dont know to what extent like if it can#be called a sona or if it can even be smth mythical like a unicorn or god itself.. its very weird rn#yapping#oc talk
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Obligatory unobligatory self indulgent valentines day art
#Idk man the patron saint of the gay hopeless romantics possessed me and when I came to I had this#I do not know how or why or when or how#but I just know there's years of pent up yearning put into this picture I have no idea how I wasn't even aware I was capable of doing this#god I wish that were me#nobody heard that#I missed them they are so dear to me#love love looooooove#themmmm <33333#I'm so soft rn don't talk to me#also I feel like I didn't do Watarus ass justice but nobody heard that either#eichi tenshouin#hibiki wataru#wataei
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what are the consequences of lying to a psychiatrist asking for a friend
#AKA what wld their reaction likely be if i told them i havent been taking my meds for the past month#and that ive felt better in that time than ive felt in the past 2 years#thats like. thats good right#thats a sign i *shldnt* be taking these meds right#like im not saying im anti-medication or smth#there are still things going on w me that i think meds cld help with#i just really truly believe i was put on the wrong ones at first#and rather than stop and go “okay maybe these ones arent working” we just started treating the side effects with OTHER meds#like#fuck#i KNEW they werent working from the moment i started taking them#and i TOLD my drs#but they were just like “give it more time” or “well lets add this one on and see how you feel”#im so curious now what this past year wldve been like if id never taken any meds#i genuinely think it wldve gone better#anyway. i think im just gonna be honest w him#im not a danger to myself or others rn#i dont think hed see it as a Red Flag or anything#im specifically trying to tell him how much *better* i feel off of them#god. wish me luck.
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The delulus really got me hoping that they'll announce an Incredibles retheme to Rock'N'Roller Coaster this D23.
#they have no reason to currently do this but I want it and need it thank you#like hire me rn I have more idea#But just imagine it#an outdoor AND indoor Incredibles coaster#TWO DIFFERENT INCREDIBLES COASTERS#ON DIFFERENT COASTS#ok but this one could be staring Edna? like were helping here make super suits and then some shit goes down? That would be cool asf#Honestly anything to get me an animatronic Edna would be absolutely Incredible#Incredibles#disney parks#d23#RNRC#disney world#speaking of Incredibles can we talk about how Michael Giacchino isn't a Disney Legend yet? cause god damn thats some snubbery right there#like you're telling me the composer of Up. Ratatouille. The Incredibles 1 & 2. Inside Out and many more isn't up there with Zimmer? smh#ty for coming to my half crazed ted talk#i will finish my wish posts one day I swear. but for now silly disney rant
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Im on a romance anime addiction rn and like just finished one and OMFG IM GONNA CRY THEY WERE SO FUCKING IN LOVE BRO THEY WERE IN LOVVVEEEE
I can’t fucking believe i almost stayed up all night on a work night to watch Cherry Magic! Thirty Years of Virginity Can Make You a Wizard?! A solid 8/10, some parts kinda wanna make me kill myself and some characters got on my nerves, at one point completely dropped till the end, but i felt the pacing was good and didn’t feel super rushed till kinda the end like we could have used another episode or two
Still looking for good wlw anime cause I ALMOST ACCIDENTALLY SUGGESTED WATCHING CITRUS BUT WHEN I READ A SYNOPSIS I LEGIT SCREAMED LIKE NOOOOOO NOOOOOOOO NOOOOOOOOOOOOO. I just want girls who are in love bro and if its doomed so be it man
#localgardenweed#the weed is rambling#imagine me in bed at 2 AM whisper yelling at anicrush cause the video kept buffering and losing my shit i just had to quit for the night#im like begging god to show me good yuri doomed yuri just women who are in LOVVVEEE#Ive been digging thru the scraps like i have not cared for bnha but when i saw that sliver of doomed yuri#( iykyk )#I ATE THAT SHIT UP I WAS EATING IT UP AND CRIED OVER IT#I HAVENT WATCHED SINCE LIKE 2017#I WAS A FAN FOR LESS THAN A YEAR#I DID NOT GIVE A SHIT BUT AS SOON AS I SAW THE DOOMED YURI I FLEW TO IT LIKE A MOTH TO A FLAME DAWG#also spoilers but i felt so bad and had to contemplate when i was fully convinced they would show at least their thoughts and dialogue#while they were freaking it not cause ‘oh mah gosh!!! gay yaoi boys so sugoi!!!’ like cause IDK IT HAD SOME DRAMATIC WEIGHT!????#IDK???? WAS TGAT BAD OF ME TO THINK???? IDK#Like i did mot wanna see their cock and balls but like WDYM WE SKIPPED OVER THAT I TOTALLY THOUGHT WE WOULD AT LEAST HEAR THEIR CONVERSATION#IDK I EXPECTED A LITTLE MORE AND NOT A TIMESKIP TO MORNING#also know i was in the kitchen cooking while i was watching that episode and like was like half screaming ‘ARE THEY FREAKING???—#THEY’RE FREAKING. I CANT’T BELIEVE THEY ARE FREAKING RN. I DONT WANNA SEE THAT EW THEY ARE KISSING#THEY ARE MAKING OUT OH GOD’#weird that i completely was gonna be find hearing them bang than watching them kiss#idk what i was expecting but like idk. i was still happy they got to freak it and be in love and shit very happy for them#i think i just wanted to hear them affirm their love and be close and like tell eachother how much they meant idk idk jsut sweet lovey dovey#there was thematic weight to the sex okay#anyway please drop more queer anime please pretty please I LOVE GAY PEOPLE!!! i wish they were real tbh#thats a joke btw if it wasn’t obvious like. look at me.
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I have soooo much anxiety abt shit rn and lowkey I kinda wish I were just medicated and/or sedated at this point
#unfortunately the doctor I have is not gonna prescribe me anything and I've been through too many to even attempt trying to find a new one#but good god. tell me why I haven't been sleeping and have a stress migraine over shit that hasn't even happened yet#on something that hopefully never will happen#I've had so many stress dreams when I do fall asleep lately that it's actively poisoning the sleep I get#and it just doesn't end. like usually I can just be like meh I'm not gonna worry abt things I can't control rn. eyes closed I don't see it#but rn I'm just lying in bed nauseous as hell lump in my throat terrified of the future#it already feels like I'm standing on thin ice. I'm kind of convinced it won't be long until some sort of catastrophic failure.#and then what.#godddddddddd. I really do wish I were medicated. Idk how much longer I can do this
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