#gluten free things

[icannotgetoverbirds]

help me escape homelessness and live with my lover!

If you can't help me with donations, reblogs are always appreciated!

Also I have hella bad waiting mode anxiety that is made better by knowing what to expect after what I'm waiting for happens, so if anybody wants to tell me how this process will go, I would greatly appreciate it.

Bonus points if you give me some ideas in the notes of mundane things to do with my wife!

[apollos-olives]

made dinner today (i don't know how to cook) and my mom said it tasted like a white man cooked it

[sreabhadh]

So. I slipped and fell. And now I have a nearly 2k word long Vortex fic to release into the wild. And yes, I do mean Vortex, not TexAid- this predates Vortex's death. (Don't worry, I'm getting there, I have plans). (There as in Vortex's death. I hope it turns out as juicy as I want it to and is as juicy to others as it is to me.

Mandatory Vortex trigger warning. I would say standard TexAid warning but First Aid isn't in this one.

Blood, gore, death, violence, language, Shockwave. I am scared enough of Shockwave to consider him his own trigger warning lol.

Hope you guys like it!

**********************************************************

Vortex’s vision was filling up with red. Figuratively. They were going to pay. Vortex had figured it all out, and they were going to pay. Vortex checked the time, grinding his teeth with a furious snarl. It’s not enough. Not enough for the bastards that did this. Not enough to make them bleed until their pristine white lab coats are the brightest shade of red. Not enough to make them drown in their own precious fluids, with as many holes and cuts on their bodies as Vortex’s little brother had bandages on his body. A stab of the knife for every stab of the needle, a twist of the knife for every bruise, a slice for every inch of cloth wrapped around him. They brought Swindle to the edge of death then made him dance. Vortex was going to make them beg for such a merciful treatment, and then he would make sure they never came back.

His fingers ran over each of his weapons in each of their hidden pockets and sheaths, memorizing them physically, where each one was and how many he had of each. Technically, he wasn’t supposed to have any of them. Vortex had gotten quite skilled at hiding them though, and his stockpiles had grown substantially over the years. They were going to be quite useful tonight. Tonight there was a meeting of the higher ups, to discuss the recent influx of monsters on the Western plains. Vortex hadn’t received an invitation, but he was writing his own. He’d have to write it after he was already inside, which wasn’t how invitations worked, but he needed blood to write this invitation, and he wasn’t going to use his, and he sure as hell wasn’t going to use Swindler’s. It was fine. He’d just write the invitation so it would be inviting them to hell, instead of inviting himself to the party. They had gotten lax. They’d trained their attack dog, set him loose on monsters, promoted him, given him treats and trinkets, forgetting more and more every day to worry about how his teeth would feel piercing their flesh. Vortex could act like a good boy, walk right in on their party, and unleash hell. And boy was it going to be a hell of a party.

Vortex’s vision filled with red. Literally. It was such a beautiful color. Made a real splash on the decor. Literally. The screaming had already started, though Vortex had only just begun. His first target, the one most responsible for what had been done to Swindle and the others, lay on the table choking on his own velvet-colored fluids as they eagerly ate up the horde of white sheets and notes of paper lining the table edges. Vortex’s remaining party poppers, the other inhabitants of the room had scattered, clambering over one another to get to the door. Which wasn’t working, silly thing. Them and their fancy automatic doors made of fancy metal to keep them safe. Never did work correctly when there were psychopathic murders on the loose and killing everyone in the room. How inconvenient. For them. Vortex grinned like a mad man, hopping up on the table with the glee of a 5 year old on their birthday. Like a normal 5 year old that is- Vortex couldn’t remember any birthday parties at that or any other age. He sniggered, then lost himself in a howl of truly demonic laughter. It wasn’t his birthday, but it was never too late to make up for lost time.

“WELCOME TO MY PARTY YOU ABSOLUTE FUCKING PIECES OF SHIT!” Vortex crowed from his new table for standing on and giving ominous speeches of vengeance (now in deep cherry red, no tablecloth required to provide a pop of color).

One person was still sitting at the table, probably in shock. Vortex ignored them. He could kill them after their panic set in enough to make them scream in terror. Failing that he could just make them scream in agony.

Many in the room turned from their fleeing positions to regard him with horror. Others ignored him, banging and slamming on the door, calling for help. Ha. Idiots.

“I HOPE YOU ALL ENJOY WHAT I’VE PREPARED, THOUGH NONE OF YOU CAN STAY FOR VERY LONG-”

Vortex gave the line a moment to sink in their panic-filled heads before continuing.

“AS YOU’LL ALL BE RECEIVING A PERSONAL ONE-WAY INVITATION TO A VERY SPECIAL PLACE!”

“YOU MAY HAVE HEARD OF IT! IT’S MUCH BETTER THAN HERE REALLY, YOU’RE GOING TO LOVE IT!”

“Bloody hell!” someone exclaimed. Vortex shot them in the head. The air exploded with a new chorus of shrieks and screams as vibrant as the colors that had exploded from the skull he shot. The monster-slaying caliber weapon might have been a bit overkill and then some on a human head. Some of the shrapnel embedded itself in other people’s bodies and skulls. It was perfect. The screams were delicious.

“EXACTLY! HELL! CONGRATS YOU FIGURED IT OUT! YOU ALL GET A ONE WAY TICKET TO HELL, FREE OF CHARGE! HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO EVERYONE, IT’S THE LAST THING YOU’LL CELEBRATE!”

That last line hadn’t come out quite how Vortex wanted, but the lab coats and neck ties were still quaking in terror, so it was doing its job regardless.

Vortex lifted the now-dead corpse on the table by the collar of its tie. This is what they would all get for hurting his family. For hurting Swindle. He wanted to yell that part more ferociously than he had anything else, but he couldn’t. He had been conditioned into not showing any weakness and not giving the enemy anything to work with. He wasn’t going to give them that. They could die not knowing exactly what they had died for, but Vortex would know. That’s what mattered.

Vortex stabbed the corpse a few dozen times for good measure. He’d been distracted enough not to notice when exactly the man had expired, but he wasn’t breathing, and never would, which Vortex took as a good thing. Disappointing that he had gone so quickly, the bastard deserved worse than that, but at least he was gone. He’d never hurt Swindle or anyone else ever again. Now for the others. Cowering and cringing before him like, well, he didn’t have anything pathetic enough to compare them to. These were the people responsible for so many deaths and so much suffering and they couldn’t handle a little blood? A single combatant? There were more than enough of them to have at least tried fighting him, but no one seemed inclined.

Or not. Vortex whipped around at the sound of a scraping chair, ready to defend himself and fell his attacking victim. To put them down like they fucking deserved. The person with the chair wasn’t attacking though. They merely had a hand on the back of it, and their face was turned away from Vortex. The hell was that about? It was the person who had stayed sitting earlier, the one in shock. What were they doing? Were they still in shock? They didn’t look like they were in shock, though Vortex couldn’t tell without being able to see their face.

Alarm bells rang in Vortex’s mind, and he instantly shifted from gleeful murder spree mode to careful predator mode. He couldn’t be sure what this person thought they had up their sleeve or what they were doing, but it wasn’t going to get in the way of his vengeance. Or his fun.

Languidly, they brought a hand up to their face, then cast it aside like a used cigarette. The mask they discarded crashed noisily against the wall and down to the floor, electronic pieces sparking and fizzing as they continued to display the holographic image of a normal person’s face. Vortex felt his heart begin to race. There was only one person on base ever rumored or seen to wear a mask. He hadn’t realized there was a holographic aspect to the mask. He’d never heard of that, but he did know of one person who supposedly wore a mask.

The figure turned, and Vortex felt a wave of terror roll over him. One eye. No face. One eye, glowing with quiet confidence and casual malice. How many people had seen Shockwave’s face and lived to tell the tale? It’s him. Vortex’s knees buckled, almost sending him spilling off the table like a fumbled glass of milk. A number of the other occupants in the room passed out.

Shit. Shit shit shit shit shit shit FUCK. It was him. He was real. He was real and staring Vortex right in the face. Unblinking with his singular nonhuman eye. It- he, Shockwave- tilted his head. A question. A challenge. That much Vortex could read in the monster’s cold humanoid figure. Vortex no longer felt like a careful predator or a gleeful 5 year old.

He felt very small, and very tiny. As insignificant and meaningless as a dented piece of equipment that had finally stopped serving its purpose. A crippled rat strung up and helpless to the slaughter. Vortex snarled, though his heart wasn’t in it. He lifted his monster-slaying gun by instinct with the battle-hardened limbs and muscles trained to work long after Vortex’s mind had taken a leave of absence. He fired. And fired again, then again, and again, releasing a halestorm of fire. Surely that would work. Surely it had to. Surely. He’d never make fun of anyone for using an overpowered gun instead of a good knife ever again. Sometimes guns were overpowered for a reason.

Sometimes being overpowered wasn’t enough. The gun overheated, safety fail clicking on, rendering it useless. The gun slipped from Vortex’s fingers, then clattered hollowly to the table. Vortex wanted to run. Wanted to hide. Find the darkest, quietest, most remote corner of existence and curl up inside it and whimper like a kicked pup. Fear. Vortex had not felt that emotion, truly felt it, been consumed by it in a very long time. He had banished it, cut it out with his bare hands and removed it forever. No longer. Vortex was afraid. More so than he had ever been in his entire life. More than every terrifying moment and memory of his life combined. He had enough to fill a stadium with, but they wilted in comparison to this. This thing. The monster. Shockwave.

Shockwave stood, unmoved, unconcerned. He, it had not a scrap of clothing left, but Shockwave had no need for human decency. Shockwave was not human. His metallic “skin” fuzzed a moment, then was replaced with the holographic image of clothing. It was a bit blurry, but it didn’t matter. The wall, the ceiling and floor, that entire section of the room had been destroyed. Shockwave stood in the midst, completely unharmed. Completely unphased.

Vortex still wanted to run. Wanted to whimper and hide. But he was dead now anyway, so he gave his best snarl, which came out as a half-choked hiss, and lunged, aiming for that singular sinister eye with his good knife hand.

Shockwave caught him by the throat, and Vortex felt the hologram fizz uncomfortably against the skin beneath the vice grip of Shockwave’s cold metal fingers. Vortex’s body moved reflexively, mind working desperately, but his attempts were as fruitless as before. He could kick, punch, jab and twist as finely as the best trained wolf, which he was, but in Shockwave’s grasp he was but a mewling pup.

Shockwave slammed Vortex into the wall, and Vortex heard himself cry out. It was a far away sound, and his vision swam, the concussion from the blow already threatening to shut his brain down. Shockwave slammed him into the wall again, and Vortex groaned, unbeknownst to himself. His body rag-dolled limply in Shockwave’s grasp. Vortex was out like the light of a birthday candle on a lone velvet cupcake.

[lizmitches]

it’s been a little over six months since i moved from my city apartment to a little country house i barely get internet out of. six months wherein: i adopted some cows (that are currently forming a coup against me) and taught myself to use a riding lawnmower (i still get scared to lower the blade). i planted vegetables (that were promptly destroyed by rabbits) and flowers (barely hanging on after an influx of gophers). i cut my hair short (so much easier to manage) and fielded my mother’s phone calls about how much she didn’t like said haircut (not-so-easy to manage). i narrowly avoided multiple late-night car accidents at the hands (hooves?) of the local deer population.

but most importantly (well, maybe not most, considering the gathering of firewood, the potential freezing of pipes, the million other things i’ve had a quick education in) is that out here, i can see the stars. maybe, if i tried, i could have seen them six months ago. thing is, i never bothered to look.

there’s no point to anything i’m saying. just that i’ve been thinking lately (because there’s not much else to do out here), and like it or not, this site is the only diary i’ve ever been able to keep. guess i didn’t want to let the occasion pass without an entry.

anyway, if anyone needs me i’ll be out here pretending to know the constellations (i don’t, and i never will). spring is here and i’m alive (i’m alive!).

[swagging-back-to]

it should be a cut and dry case if you go to a restaurant and get glutened by them. and by case i mean criminal. not just suing for damages and distress.

[oidheadh-con-culainn]

restaurants should be obliged to include allergen menus on their websites and if they can't do that they should at least have an email address so you can contact them and be like "hey i have to come here for a work thing. is there a single item on your menu i can actually eat"

and yet

[shitfridge]

its not that deep but i really do hate seeing jokes making fun of "disgusting gluten free food" sorry my body is weak and cant handle certain ingredients god forbid you have to lay your eyes upon a weird looking cookie at the coffee shop

[plusultraetc]

I just realized that in the psychic au, Dark Shadow is a spirit that is tethered to Tokoyami ('haunts' is such a strong word).

on their first day of high school, Shinsou couldn't stop staring at him (because… hello???) and after class Tokoyami walked up to him, looked him dead in the eye, and said 'you can see him too, can't you?'

what makes this somehow funnier is I don't think Tokoyami is a psychic. he can see Dark Shadow, because Dark Shadow is tethered to him, but he can't see other spirits. Dark Shadow claims it's his job to protect him from other supernatural threats (Shinsou: what kind of threats? Dark Shadow: threatening threats), but this also means that Tokoyami has just accepted that for his entire life he's been haunted, sorry, protected by some kind of benevolent bird demon no one else can see and who he's never seen anyone or anything like.

(I now desperately need Tokoyami & Shirakumo to meet so Shirakumo can be like 'WHAT THE HELL IS THAT' and Hizashi just says 'a high schooler… don't be rude :/' while Dark Shadow smiles at him as much as a shadow being with a beak can smile and Tokoyami sits there with a perfectly neutral expression)

[mainepdf]

chat i have a theory that i inherited my dad’s coeliac disease 😭😭

[patron-saints]

Also if you want a modern rhaenicent au idea...rival PTA moms or Dance Moms if you're familiar with that show's structure at all.

okay i know this is the five fun facts prompt but i immediately cracked myself up with:

“alicent, please be serious. the WHOLE bake sale doesn’t need to be gluten free just because your eldest thinks he has celiac.”

“he DOES have celiac. i cannot believe how insensitive you’re being right now, rhaenyra!”

“he ate THREE burgers at my house and was FINE. we can have a gluten free PORTION.”

“why, exactly, are you feeding aegon burgers at your house?”

“christ, alicent, i WASN’T it was a team dinner they bought it themselves!”

—

i imagine instead of friends to enemies it’s enemies to lovers, meeting as moms with kids that don’t get along with starts them off at odds. alicent and her kids just moved from out of town, where she ran the pta there, but rhaenyra has been in charge of various ptas in this district since her kids were in elementary school, which causes some.... conflicts and differences of opinion.

but i think over time they’d start to realize they’re more alike than not and, importantly, more aligned than not.

i think rhaenyra’s husband (not laenor) left her for a man and alicent’s (not viserys) died, and they’re both starting at place of heartbreak and loneliness, and struggling with single motherhood, and they’re able to help each other a lot through it all.

—

i wrote the above on my lunch break and thought about this for the rest of my shift so have some more:

maybe if he's not her ex, laenor is rhaenyra's best friend. he has custody of the twins, after laena died he petitioned for it ("sorry rhaenyra, i know he's your uncle" "i love him but you're fine he's a shit dad <3") and goes to a grief group regularly, both for himself for the loss of his sister but also cuz he wants to teach the girls healthy coping mechanisms. one day alicent shows up at the start, and then doesn't even stick around for the intro, but it's enough for laenor to spot her, realize she's going through it(tm) and is probably not as much of a bitch as he and rhaenyra assumed. but he doesn't want to just Tell rhaenyra so he finds other ways to get them to talk to each other lol

(also it's important to me that rhaenyra gets along really well with helaena and that's one of the reasons alicent starts to trust her)

—

also @topthagomizer and i were also talking about what things are like after their household combines and how chaotic figuring out all of their kids extra curriculars are and the driving schedule which made me laugh thinking about how busy and overly involved all of them would be! and then also thinking about just.... how much of a relief it would be for both of them, not only to have each other but to lessen the burden on both their eldest kids and have slightly less things for them to do since there's another adult around now.

i am SO sure i am going to be thinking about this for ages now so let me know if you have any follow up questions

(and sorry i haven't seen dance moms but i was delighted by this one!)

[rachellaurengray]

20 Delicious Rice Cake Combinations

Looking for some tasty and healthy snack ideas? Rice cakes are a versatile base for creating delicious combinations that satisfy your cravings while providing a satisfying crunch.

From sweet to savory, here are 20 mouthwatering rice cake combinations to elevate your snacking game:

1. Avocado and cherry tomatoes with a sprinkle of sea salt.

2. Peanut butter and sliced bananas drizzled with honey.

3. Hummus and cucumber slices topped with black sesame seeds.

4. Smoked salmon and cream cheese with fresh dill.

5. Almond butter and sliced strawberries.

6. Greek yogurt and blueberries with a touch of honey.

7. Guacamole and sliced radishes with a squeeze of lime.

8. Cottage cheese and pineapple chunks.

9. Tuna salad with diced celery and a dash of hot sauce.

10. Ricotta cheese and fig slices drizzled with balsamic glaze.

11. Sliced hard-boiled eggs with avocado and everything bagel seasoning.

12. Mango salsa with diced red bell pepper and cilantro.

13. Cream cheese and smoked turkey slices with cucumber ribbons.

14. Pesto sauce with sliced cherry tomatoes and mozzarella balls.

15. Apple slices and cheddar cheese with a sprinkle of cinnamon.

16. Chicken salad with grapes and chopped walnuts.

17. Ricotta cheese and roasted red peppers with basil leaves.

18. Sliced pear with goat cheese and a drizzle of honey.

19. Sautéed spinach and feta cheese.

20. Black bean spread with diced tomatoes, corn, and a squeeze of lime juice.

Enjoy these delicious combinations for a satisfying snack any time of day!

[oak1985]

Whole Foods’ psyllium husk—a product used primarily for gluten free baking—has a note saying it may contain wheat. Of course I didn’t read this until after I’d opened the bag. Because WHYYYYYYYYY???? wtf wtf wtf

And the xanthum gum has a gluten free stamp but is processed in a facility that processes wheat.

People with allergies and intolerances, I am so sorry. I really never understand even a little bit of how hard it is to stay safe.

[hitorimaron]

Lee brought up his phone to Gaara’s face. “There is also a whole gluten-free bakery here by the way.”

Gaara almost dropped his fork. “A bakery?” He looked at the screen. “This is all... gluten-free?” he asked.

“Looks like it, yea,” Lee said. Reaching out to scroll through the pictures on the bakery’s Hawk. “See?”

Gaara did see. He definitely did. Fuck. It looked delicious. He instantly wished he could just go there right away and order like one of each of those- He swallowed the tsunami of saliva flooding his mouth and turned back to his bland food. “Looks nice,” he commented.

Inspired by my fic you must (fix your heart)

[several-worms]

my professor Layton birthday cake from a few months ago

[cheerfullycatholic]

You don't try new food, you get laughed at

You do try new food, you get laughed at

Picky eaters just can't win I guess

[fattributes]

Crockpot Chicken Chili