#glad people are learning about her
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AWH... I'm skipping through Roier's QSMP Day 1 VOD because I'm looking for a specific thing, and I just noticed that when Jaiden stands in front of the group to do her introduction and her mic isn't working, Mariana laughs (not in a mean way, I laughed too) and Roier immediately smacks him and tells him off for laughing.
[Timestamp ~36m 50s, volume warning for Quackity's awful mic]
It's such a little thing, but I think it's really sweet in retrospect, especially considering how Roier and Jaiden have become such good friends in recent weeks :')
#i talk#qsmp talk#legitimately though I frickin adore Roier and Jaiden's friendship IT'S SO SWEET THEY'RE SUCH GOOD FRIENDS...#Jaiden was so nervous the first few days of QSMP and she talked about how she was too anxious to talk to people she didn't know#So this Egg event really helped her (and a lot of other people too)#It gave everyone a chance to make friends / bonds with people they might not have interacted with as much otherwise#it's just really sweet#I've got a special place in my heart for Jaiden I like her a lot#I used to watch her animations a bunch because my little cousin loves her#then I just kinda stopped because I don't watch Youtube creators much and my memory is awful#But QSMP made me start watching her again#and I found out all the stuff she's had to go through and I watched her videos where she talks about more serious stuff / her personal life#and like not to sound parasocial or whatever but my ''protective parental instinct'' went nuts after hearing all that#she's been through the wringer but it seems like she's doing a lot better#she's really funny and cool#but social anxiety is still a nightmare#I'm really glad she got Roier as her Egg partner -- he's so friendly and nice I think it really helped her relax a lot#and she's actually learning more Spanish despite saying she had 0 Spanish knowledge whatsoever when joining the server!!!#Idk man I'm just really proud of everything everyone's been doing on the server#and I'm really proud of Quackity for bringing people together like this. It's amazing#I love him so much and I'm so grateful this server exists.#First and Best Multilingual server baby!!!#Anyways I forgot how bad Quackity's mic sucked from literally everyone else's perspectives on Day 1 LMFAO#Roier specifically says ''Don't laugh!'' and ''Give [her] a pass!'' (for the mute issue)#alright I added a clip I can't not put a clip for this
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2024 reads / storygraph
The Sword of Kaigen
standalone fantasy set in a rural mountain village at the edge of an empire that still holds traditional values, with families of powerful water/ice magic warriors
follows a powerful young heir who begins to question his beliefs about the empire when a new boy comes to his village from the city
and his mother, a housewife who has tried to forget her youth as a warrior and vigilante in the city since she moved back home to a loveless marriage
when there’s a violent attack on their village that they’re unprepared for, everything changes, and she has to embrace her old skills to protect her family and people
#The Sword of Kaigen#aroaessidhe 2024 reads#I’ve been meaning to read this for years and I finally got around to it! a really unique fantasy novel#I had always assumed this was ur average pre-industrial high fantasy and then was immediately hit with video games/tv in the first chapter#lmao. But overall (aside from the broader worldbuilding/politics) it is closer to the average ‘historical’ fantasy narrative -#so I can see why I got that impression#Some really compelling characters and interesting narrative structure that went in some unexpected directions.#It really focuses in on one village and how devastating a single battle in a war can be to their people - and how much work the recovery is#I feel like most sff is more concerned with a single person and/or the whole war so this felt unique. did also mean that the pacing was odd#- it's a slow start; then there’s a battle that must be hundreds of pages. The last section of the book feels a little too drawn out#and brings up random hanging plot elements that don’t really go anywhere. But I think overall this works for the story.#also one thing I didn’t love - cool complex interesting female character MC sure but also there’s weird moments like:#the first scene we see her is all the housewives comparing their attractiveness; she keeps referring to herself as an old woman (when she’s#and oh so meek and useless etc. And some of this feels like it’s part of the broader portrayal of the misogynist society#but some of it felt clunky or unintentional?#And then especially the end - when she and her shitty husband finally confront each other as equals and he apologises#she basically immediately forgives him and is like oh I was equally at fault because I am a meek woman who didn’t try either#like him realising he was wrong (and her realising he had a reason for being the way he was) doesn’t negate the fact that he treated her li#she acts like it was her fault for not trying too - when we have numerous examples of him berating her if she spoke up about anything?#like im glad he’s learning. but also that doesn’t mean she needs to suddenly forgive and love him wtf#that's the only real thing that annoyed me though.#also btw that 5yo seems kinda fucked up. are you guys gonna do anything about that
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#tw for mild mentions of csa#when I was little a girl I was friends with and I had an interaction#that involved her teaching me what her brother taught her about#what I later learned was humping#and nothing was upsetting for me and the experience itself was whatever#but the way my friend had told me about it didn’t make logical sense to me#and I was like I know older siblings in stories trick younger siblings sometiems#of course I was young and dumb and like five years old and I didn’t know shit#and since it didn’t sit right with me I went home and told my mom#and she wrote their mom a letter#and just tonight I found out that my mom eventually got a letter back saying the mom hadn’t believed her and couldn’t understand#why my mom would write to her about this kind of accusation#but that after she’d investigated for a while it turned out the older brother had been out of line with my friend#and had done stuff to her (idk if someone did it to him too)#and my mom was right#we never got to hang out again after that day though#and the family moved away within a year or two#and I’m so. so glad. to know after all this time#that my friend had people find out and believe#I worried about her for a long time.#shh katie
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hey guys so I just started reading Flatland by Edwin A. Abbott and OMG AHSBNSBSBSNSNBSHZHSHDBFHGGHFHGRJ2KSHSBSNSK AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA I LOVE THINKING ABOUT THE RELATIVITY BETWEEN DIMENSIONS!!!!!!
#probably the nerdiest thing i will ever read in my entire life but I AM SO HAPPY#Its the unabridged and corrected 1992 republication btw. if you wanna get specific#the only book in which i have actually decided to read the introductory notes and i do NOT regret it because the editor's one IMMEDIATELY#brought up the “oh but surely the second dimension has thickness how else would flatlanders see anything” AND GAVE A REALLY GOOD ANSWER.#which i cannot tell you here. bc it is several paragraphs long and idk how i would shorten it. i would hit tag limit. if thats a thing.#anyways. I'm only a little bit into the first part which basically explains how Flatland works as a society so i haven't even gotten to the#sphere yet but OH MAN I HAVE NEVER BEEN SO EXCITED ABOUT A ROUND OBJECT IN MY LIFE#IM LOSING IT OVER THIS BOOK AAAA :D#me: im so glad i dont have a math class during my senior year! now i dont have to learn anything math-related!#also me: but what if i started studying a complex and almost entirely theoretical part of geometry#bc YEAH i didn't just buy this book bc of gravity falls. I BOUGHT IT BC IVE BEEN RESEARCHING THE 4TH DIMENSION WOOOOOOO!!!!!#one thing i will say i dont like. introductory note suggests the the 4th dimension might be time. this is ok tho bc its followed up with#also saying that time is not a spatial dimension and exist across the 0 1st 2nd and 3rd dimensions which. that epuld mean we live in 4d#already. so. i was worried for a second but THANK YOU THANK YOU OH MY GOD PEOPLE TRYING TO SAY “OH THE 4TH DIMENSION IS TIME” I HATE THAT SO#MUCH AAAAGGHHHH AT LEAST RECOGNIZE ITS NOT SPATIAL!!! TIME IS NOT A SPATIAL DIMENSION!!!!!!! IF IT WAS THEN 4D TRAVEL AND TIME TRAVEL WPULD#BE FHE SAME THING AND DO YOU KNOW HOW MANY MUCH COOLER POSSIBILITIES WPULD BE THROWN AWAY IF THAT WAS THAT CASE!!!!! AND. AND. IF THE 4TH#DIMENSION IS TIME. THEN WHATS THE 5TH?? 6TH?? YPU CANT KEEP GOINF ON FOREVER LIKE THAT. YPURE JUST MAKEING MORE 3D WORLSS WITH STUFF IN#ADDITION TO TIME. INTERESTING BUT THAY IS NOT ABOHT HIGHRER DIEMSBSJSNSBAKAJSHDHDHHDHDHDJ#sorry for the rant. jsut. agh i want a spatial 4th dimension. i dont think tesseracts exist through time that would just be an aged cube#anyways yeahhh i love the 4th dimension. new hyperfixation or new special interest? ill have to wait and see. anyways i have done it i have#an oc whos 4 dimensional now and she is the coolest ever i love her#but yeah this book is sosososo good i am literally gonna bring it to school to read instead of draw bc i would lose it if i didn't#10/10 would recommend to anyone who wants to Think
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yknow what though im still surprised about world of warcraft making one of their most well known and reocurring characters transfem (even if she wasnt made with that intention)
thats the whole statement im just still surprised about that
#my post#its one thing to have forgettable trans characters in your franchise that has thousands of named characters#but chromie? been there since the start (afaik) and is well. shes a big presence in the game in my experience#and shes a character that most players will see and interact with even if its only to do chromie time in the main cities#and sure most people who even notice her arent going to know that fact. but it being a fact about her at all is like#man gaming is wild nowadays. queer characters everywhere even in blizzard games. i love it#the queerphobes cant escape HAHA#i was about to say chromies story where this is canon predates my time playing but it doesnt actually WAIT#that book apparently came out DURING ONE OF MY SUB TIMES? i made this happen /j#yeah its just wild. like im glad its a thing. shes a great character i always liked seeing her in game before i even learned about this#world of warcraft
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cross-generational friendships have been so important and formative and crucial to my adulthood. and i'm not talking about "oh I'm in my 20s and nearly all my friends are in their 30s ha ha ha" [true], I'm talking about "I labored side-by-side with people in their 40s, 50s, and 60s and became friends with them."
one such friend and I went to a funeral today to support a third friend and it really reaffirmed how important these relationships have been to me and how good they are for keeping perspective and taking advice from people with more experience than you.
tomorrow I'm going on a walk and then getting lunch with an old boss-turned-friend/mentor who's old enough to be my mother (like, literally her oldest son is my age) and I'm looking forward to it so much. having friends who you can bond with but also learn life lessons from is such a gift and it makes me lament my current work situation (everyone on my team is within a 3-year age range).
#which is good for memes and general internet savviness but like. there's so much to be learned from more ppl y'know#i'm glad we got to support our friend today#and I'm soooo looking forward to tomorrow. I miss this woman so much. she really sees herself in me (we have similar ''backstories'')#and I think a lot about how she told me that hiring me (and a few other Young Guns) made her change her mind about millennials/gen z [lolll#but like that's exactly it right? that you can make connections with people you may NOT think you have community with#and BAM suddenly you're not just in community but you're also friends. you can take and give in turn and just really gain better insight#sorry I'm passionate about multigenerational friendships. the 68yo south sider I worked with taught me so much lol I love her
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[note: i know for a fact i'm doing this for the same reason that i fixate on nebulous fandom anxieties at other times: helplessness regarding anxieties about larger geopolitical issues]
feeling in a very weird position right now thinking about the fact theres a nonzero chance that either one of the cosplayers ive become acquainted with or someone in their immediate circle could do brownface in the future and people are gonna come at me like 'hey why are you not calling them out and/or giving them a racial sensitivity seminar and/or personally fistfighting them on the floor of the doujin circle event'
#i strongly feel westerners darkening their skin for cosplay are generally doing it in an 'i know this is offensive and dont care' edgy way#but people over here largely Dont Fucking Know because the cultural context behind why it's bad is not there#and i don't...personally feel like it's my job either to educate near-strangers on this or to make a big deal out of how i condemn it#(someone i just met and already became fond of said she wants to dress as a brown character and im already getting nervous#in case she does end up painting her skin and the pics are shared around or come to the attention of the western ppl i know in fandom#imagining people that i know pointing at me and going Hey Ebil You Are Brown. So You Hate Her Now Right? Slash Why Didnt You Stop Her)#cool. great. i wish instead of brown i were Invisible Color#id actually love if eventually people over here did learn more about that through me?#not even in an I Have To Correct Them way. just a cultural exchange way. the way im glad to learn what offends japanese ppl#they might find it interesting and worth knowing! but my ass trying to lecture people right now would absolutely just be...bad. bad.#'oh i just met this american and they seemed cool but then they started going on about how i was offending american values so. gaijins eh'#it's obvious to me nothing constructive would be achieved. i just hope people understand that.#i dunno. i dunno. i dunnoooooo.
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i was thinking about besides devo getting a anime the most controversial getter anime they could make is a remake of Armageddon cause despite the fact it could absolutely fix the issues the show has it be one of those things that wouldn’t be necessary and people would be sick of more arma content.
But then I thought about “okay but then they could make Kei actually trans if they had the fucking balls” and I know this would NEVER happen but that would make people seethe more then arms being remade and I found that so funny. (And yes this is very much related to my last post)
#meg text#getter robo#fyi I’m not saying a arma remake needs to happen it definitely doesn’t but this is something that’s crossed my mind#I like how the whole fandom or at least people I talk to agree Kei is trans even if it’s entirely metaphorical#she can’t be trans in universe but certain aspects of her character are LITERALLY trans#go arguably too but it gets a little more murky with him#i actually wanna do a analysis about this but i don’t know how to word it more then my essays about ryoma#also Kei’s gender is that odd thing where it’s not explored enough to make a concrete analysis even if there’s things to pick at#I wish it was more explored but it was the 90s-even if stuff was trying back then-and arma had a lot to juggle#also it could definitely be one of those things where it wasn’t intended but like- people are allowed to still read off of a character lmao#i literally learned that in my writing class the authors intent is valid but so is any interpretation that is against it#tho also saying this makes me kinda glad getter isn’t popular again bc i feel there be discourse over this#not only by bigots but I think some people wouldn’t like this portrayal but like- it’s also not develop enough to be offensive#like it’s weird genki was forced to be a boy but no one really judges Kei for that#and only two people use her original name and one is Saotome who’s a dick to begin with lol
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#idk if it's because i've given autism a very in depth look now or if i just always been like this and never really thought about it#but i'm finding it harder and harder to match my feelings to what i guess i'm supposed to feel?#like when something sad happens and i have no reaction to it#it's not that i'm not sad or that i'm glad it's happening but i just have no feelings?#which in turn bring put feelings of guilt because i'm not sad or worried enough...#it's such a weird experience and i'm of course not saying that autistic people have no feelings#that's so not what i'm saying#but it is a trait of autism to have difficulty pinpointing what you feel and also difficulty expressing it in ways other people usually doit#so perhaps it is because i've learned about that that I'm accepting that maybe i just don't feel things ''the normal way''#but i'm having a weird one tonight because my mom had to leave because of an emergency with my grandma#and it's 1am right now#and i am worried. of course i am. I don't want my grandma to suffer (although i have accepted she's not gonna live much longer)#but i still don't want her to die obviously#and most importantly I don't want my mom to have to go through that... to see her mother die? that's horrible#i'm obviously sad and worried#yet i'm sitting here drinking coffee and laughing at funny videos like nothing's happening#and i feel fine... like as if my mom was just sleeping at home like every night and not at a hospital visiting her dying mother...#and i know that years back i would have gone ''what the fuck is wrong with me?!'' and perhaps maybe forced myself to feel worse#or to cry or whatever because I can't be chill when something bad is happening...#and maybe i'll feel that way when my mom is back because I can't be calm and happy is she's sad#that would be rubbing it in her face#so maybe i'll feel more guilty then?#idk it's a weird feeling that i wanted to put into words#mostly for when it happens again i'll have a record of it somewhere#idk#angel talks#personal
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I love my found family so much it's unreal btw
#I never thought I'd have a found family. I've never felt that close to other people before. and now I do and it's fucking wonderful#I hope I never lose them#I was just telling my roommate that I love her and I'm so glad I met her today#because I just quit the job I met them all through and I'm feeling sentimental#she's one of the ones I don't actually know that well because neither of us are talkers but the more I learn about her the more I love her
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one of my housemates is so fucking sensitive it turns me into a person I do not like
#like i always thought /i/ was 'overly' sensitive but my god. you cannot say ANYTHING around her#every little thing is too much for her everything is a trigger everything makes her tell you it wasn't okay for you to say around her or not#warning her about first like my sister in christ how the fuck should i have known this was a problem for you#maybe print out a trigger list and send it to all of us or something#but breathing is probably on there so#truly i hate how i sound i don't want to be like this but she's just playing the victim so severely it makes me aggressive it's like. primal#and I don't care when she flees from the room all the time when we're just having normal conversations because honestly I'm glad when she's#gone but she projects her issues onto everyone and everything around her like she cannot comprehend that maybe she has a fucking problem and#should maybe learn to deal with the fucking world#people aren't horrible for simply existing around you being themselves like. ny god it just makes me so furious#like i am AWARE that i have deficits; things that are easy for other people or come natural to them that i have issues with and that's fine#I'm learning to live in my way#and i can still love myself and not blame myself for having these problems without turning everyone around me and the whole fucking world#into the problem instead#i don't know if I'm even conveying what i mean#it's just this fucking victim complex that's driving me up the walls#she sees herself as so innocent and actually she's treating people like shit#man do i wish i could smoke about this
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LU fans stop horribly mischaracterizing BOTW Zelda challenge: literally fucking impossible
#the way i've seen sooo much content of botw zelda or “flora” being like....an asshole or some girl throwing tantrums#i'm scared to hear what you guys think of oot zelda kasjdbakd#then there was that person who like...said botw zelda is arrogant and doesn't give a shit for her people?#hello?#and then theres the people who are like “lol wild is free from her he's glad he doesn't have to watch over her”#HELLO?#i'm sorry i start swinging whenever i see people misinterpret my girl#free my girl from misogyny PLEASE#i need LU fans to learn how to like....be normal about female characters
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Kochanski could not accept a different version of Lister to the one she had known in her universe.
Lister, however, easily accepts the different versions of Rimmer he meets.
#red dwarf#imo it says more about lister as a person rather than a comment on the qualities of the relationships or anything like that#because for kris it was a big complicated and traumatic deal losing her lister and being stuck with a different one#and the rimmer that lister knows the best isn't the original one anyway he's a hologram. an approximation.#and then the hologram goes away and he's with the nanobot resurrected version.#and at first he's like oh you're the old one. the one you used to be. so he SEES a difference. these are clearly different people.#but then it's like nothing's changed. he treats him the same#and then the hologram comes back again and he's got to be different somehow too but they just go back to being bunkmates like it's nothing#and when you look at all the listers in skipper that rimmer meets when they learn he's a rimmer from a different universe#they're all like oh alright hi rimmer!#like???? it's so easy for him#not to mention how well he gets on with ace#I think no matter what. no matter what version of rimmer he's with. he's just glad it's rimmer#also I'm something of a lister/kochanski shipper. I love a tragic romance. so do not take this as a dig against kris bc I won't like that
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#new bed/mattress#new espresso machine#i love gushing with friends about the pleasures of adult life like yeah i DID splurge on the tamper just a little bit so glad you noticed 🥰#if domestic bliss is boring to you that's a skill issue im afraid#being over 30 is learning to swerve the miserable people like can you go be a bummer elsewhere please#i'm busy being happy to be alive and enjoying life's little everyday treasures and pleasures and that's enough for me#like today i'm going to my fav roaster to get some espresso beans in preparation for Her arrival like this is the joie de vivre!
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whiplash conversation with my mom where she told me of her own volition that she plans to vote harris in november (she's republican) bc "no one likes trump" and she also admitted he was basically incoherent and untrustworthy (in the past she's admired him). which then turned into her saying that she didn't see the big deal about harris being the first female president was and that led into. full on big blowout fight about whether or not the patriarchy exists and if we live in one. i was full on yelling. so enraged i was near tears. all while fucking DRIVING. jesus christ.
#liveblogging life#my mom: we live in a DEMOCRACY so we CAN'T also live in a patriarchy checkmate#me: you LIVED through the 60s/70s how can you even say that?????#her: well that was then and we did it all back then so now there is no patriarchy!!!!!!#me: what the fuck are you talking about??????????????#her: harris being a female president means NOTHING obvs we have only ever elected men bc they are all the best for the job#all that matters is if youre good for the job so harris' sex shouldnt even enter into it at all and bringing it up is stupid#me: i mean in an ideal world obvs it'd be nice if sex didnt factor into nominees but we live in a patriarchy so it uh. really does.#also considering we HAVE only had men for the president yes it does significantly matter to finally have a woman in office#her: why do you hate men. :((( me: i never said i did????#it was literally THE most insane conversation ive ever had with another human being in my life#and i once had to explain to my dad that the aids epidemic was not because of african men fucking monkeys#yes THAT was also a really fun conversation too!!!!!!!!!!!#THESE are my parents. how the hell did i learn how to be a human being with these people.#her: well in SAUDI ARABIA women are treated really badly. so there.#me: yeah bc they live in a patriarchy. just like we do here in america. jesus christ.#also im glad she's voting harris but it's pretty clear she's basically doing it bc trump is wildly unpopular lol#like she said something along the line s of 'well no one likes him!!!' twenty times#like okay so if they DID like him you'd vote for him???? omfg.#anyway. insane conversation to have at 10am driving on a highway i've never driven on. before fucking BREAKFAST. jesus christ.
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so it's like this.
you're young and you're scared and you're trapped in the feywild (happens to the best of us) with the love of your life. You're a half-elf and she's a fullblooded elf but you don't think about it very much because you're barely surviving day to day. And you get offered a deal to get yourself home again, and you take it. And the price of your freedom is that you leave her still trapped there, alone.
And then five years pass. And you age a century in that time, and you grow, and you change, and you find her again, and you're still in love, and you meet people, and you lose people, and you love them too, and you learn, and you start wanting a future again, and caring again, taking care of yourself, taking care of other people--
and after all of that, at the end of things, you find out the man responsible for all of the misery in your short, sad life has cast a spell which gives him complete control and ownership of you- mind, body, and soul (again. this happens to the best of us). And you are given the choice to stay under his thrall, and live a thousand years-- or to age and die, like humans do, and to be free of him.
And the love of your life is there, and you're married now, and she's still a full blooded elf, and you're still a half-elf, and you think about what that means a lot more than you used to.
And still, after everything you've learned-- you choose your freedom. You choose leaving her behind.
#dnd#dungeons & dragons#ttrpg#you understand why i am insane. about my dungeons and dragons character#the way that this all started because 'she' (clone. its a long story) wanted to be free from her small town & her family's ideas of her#and so she inadvertently left THEM all behind too.#like bro watch out i think the cycle is repeating itself!!!!!!!!!#honestly girlie has to learn that passing out of someone's life is not always a betrayal#like she NEVER got over it!#giving pesche a whole speech about how loss leaves a hole behind that is filled in by rage & grief & impulse & violence like#ok. well. loss is inevitable and i think you have a very fucked up way of looking at it that despite all of your personal growth has maybe#only gotten worse over time because now you have things you care about again?#like i think she made the right choice for herself.... if the lesson she had 'learned' was to subjugate herself to Ohdran for 900 years in#the name of not 'leaving people' again. that would have been tragic. learning that love is good and precious and it matters even though#you are inevitably going to lose it. thats the real lesson. and she is learning it. she HAS learned it! she's never going to hide herself#away from the world to avoid losing people again. but she hasn't like... attached the lesson to herself yet lol. 'i accept i might lose my#friends & even though it breaks my heart im still glad to know them. if i leave people (read: LITERALLY DIE) im evil tho.' girl...#i was pretty bummed about it at the time like we have been 3 years on the endless train of suffering cant she just have a happy ending.#one thousand years of elf marriage.#but this is cool too like MAN the kind of organic storytelling moments that evolve out of ttrpgs are so crazy. we couldnt have planned this#and yet. perfect full circle moment.#mm campaign#it's alive!#harris#fisher
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