#gives me more time for myself 🥰🥰🥰
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Requesting Noah x reader where the reader experiences post partum depression after giving birth to their newborn baby girl.
Post partum depression is no joke and something so many women, including myself, have had to deal with. I wish it on no new mom. But, when you have a good partner who supports you entirely, it makes all the difference🥰
PostPartum
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@philomenie @supersquirrel1996 @foliosgirl @angelmarie89 @fadingintothegrey @thisbicc @lma1986 @dominuslunae @shayzillaaaa @mrsnoahsebastian @flowery-mess @iloveyoutodeathbutimdrowning @stardustsirenmelody @romanreigns-supreme @anything-more-than-human
@into-the-grey @rumoured-whispers @myownthoughts12 @sister-sebastian @nyxthedestroyerofworlds-deactiv @missduffsblog @bngurngheart @somebodyllelse @xxkittenkissesxx @fadingangelwisp @collisionofyourkissmakesitsohard
I held her in my arms like she was the most valuable thing in the world. To me she was. She was my daughter. She was the best part of me and her mother put together, a treasure created out of pure love.
I looked over at my wife, watching as she delivered the remaining proof of her pregnancy, feeling nothing but pride and respect for her. What I had just witnessed in the last thirteen hours was nothing short of an absolute miracle.
I had no idea how difficult it was for a woman to give birth until now. The strength and resilience I saw in her made me see her and all women in a whole new light. It was an indescribable yet incredible feeling.
She looked up at me, smiling her beautiful yet exhausted smile. She looked completely different now; she was a mother. I grinned back, offering her our daughter and gently laid her on her chest when she said yes.
"Noah, she has your nose and your eyes," my wife gushed, kissing our little girl's rosy forehead.
"She really does, doesn't she?" I marveled, unable to hide my grin. I kissed my wife's forehead, praising her over and over for what she went through for us. I had what I'd always wanted. I had my family.
Days after we came home were a struggle. The nights were sleepless, the days exhausting. The constant feeding and changing diapers was a lot of work I wasn't prepared for. But neither was my wife.
She started crying more than usual. At first, it was simple little tears, but then there were days where those tears lingered all day and sometimes into the night, too. They would lead into spurts of her doubting her ability to be a mother and caring for our baby the way she needed to be cared for.
That's when she would say things like, "Our daughter does better when I'm not around. Maybe it's for the best", or "I just want to disappear. All of this is too much."
I knew she was exhausted, not mentally prepared for any of this, so I did my best to help take the burden off her shoulders, hoping it would help. Sometimes it did, but most of the time I think it only made things worse.
A few weeks went by, and things began to mellow out some; with our daughter at least. We got into a routine and a schedule of sleep, making the nights more bearable.
But my wife would still have her spouts of irritability, sometimes waking up and starting things for no reason. It was usually over little things like dishes or clothes, but then it started to become bigger. She accused me of not being home enough and not helping out enough which would always end with her falling apart and crying again. It broke me.
I didn't know what to do, except hold her and tell her everything was going to be okay, even though I wasn't so sure.
I would watch her during feedings and how she seemed distant from our baby, looking away, never making that mother to baby eye contact I read about in the "What to Expect When Your Wife is Expanding" book Jolly bought me for my first "father's day". She was physically there, but not mentally.
Days after our daughter turned a month old, I came home to find her sitting on the couch in the living room, staring into nothing. She had the most distant spaced out look on her face, her eyes completely void of anything.
"Baby, are you alright?" I gently shook her. She finally snapped out of whatever daze she was in, shaking her head.
"Noah," smiling weakly at me.
"Baby, I'm really worried about you. You're not looking or acting like yourself," I finally admitted to her.
"I feel okay," she said weakly.
"When was the last time you ate?" I brushed some loose hair out of her eyes, running my hand down her cheek.
She thought for a moment then shrugged.
"Come on, I sighed, taking her hand and pulling her towards the kitchen. That's when the baby monitor went off, signaling our little girl was awake.
"Why don't you go get her, and I'll make us something to eat." My wife shook her head.
"No, you get her. She wants her daddy."
Letting go of my hand she made her way into the kitchen, leaving me in a bit of shock. I thought this was the worst of it, but I didn't know how much worse it could get.
Sex was out of the question. Not just for the first six weeks of course, but even past that. She closed herself off to me, not wanting me to touch her or be around her. It got to the point that she was sleeping on the couch and whenever I came into the room she would leave. I didn't understand any of it.
I eventually had to stay home from the studio and recording with the guys, having everyone bring everything to my house because I was too scared to leave her and the baby alone. Something was off with my wife, and I couldn't figure it out. I was taking it personally, thinking that the end of us had come and what was meant to be the happiest time in our lives was now becoming the hardest and most hurtful. I was done. I couldn't go through with it anymore.
One night, after our little one fell asleep after her feeding, my wife laid her in her bassinet then turned to leave the room.
"Don't leave. Please. Just stay with me for a minute," I asked, trying not to sound too desperate.
She turned and looked at me with tears in her eyes.
All the color was gone from her beautiful face, her complexion dull. Her hair, normally shiny and in her wavy ponytail, was unkept, piled high on the top of her head in a messy bun. Her sleep clothes were the same ones she'd worn for almost a week.
This was nothing but a shell of my wife and it killed me seeing her this way.
"Come sit with me, baby, please," patting the bed next to me. At first she hesitated, but then, surprisingly, she came and partially sat on the bed.
I tucked her hair behind her ear, smiling at her when she looked at me so sadly. I leaned in to kiss her, slowly so as to not startle her, and felt relieved when she kissed me back. Her hands found the back of my neck, twisting the longer pieces of hair at the nape of it. Her touch sent shivers down my spine. I was longing for her in ways I didn't even realize.
"I miss you," I confessed, placing my forehead to hers and holding her head between my hands.
"I know," she sniffed and I wiped away the tears that slid down her cheeks with the pads of my thumbs.
"I miss you, too, Noah."
"Then talk to me," I whispered, "tell me what you're feeling. Even if you can't make sense out of it. Just tell me anyway. I'll listen."
And she did.
I ran a hot bubble bath and for the first time in months I held my wife's beautiful naked body against mine, listening as she told me everything she had been going through.
I washed her hair, scrubbed her back, and helped her shave her legs, and in return, she gave me the best sex I'd had in a while.
Watching her face as she came on my cock buried up inside her made me cum, the feeling taking us both to a higher place we hadn't been in a while. It was euphoric.
Once out of the bath and fully dressed, she checked on our little angel still fast asleep, and for the first time since we brought her home, I watched the brightest, sweetest smile grace my wife's face as she looked down on her. It made my heart swell with joy.
We discovered that night, after some slight research that what she was experiencing was called postpartum depression.
It's something most new mother's get, some more extreme than others. We weren't throwing all our eggs into the basket of self diagnosis, but she promised to call her doctor the next morning and schedule an appointment.
Seven months old. Time flies when you're having fun. I watched my wife as she attempted to feed our angel sweet potatoes for the first time. Surprisingly, she liked them. A quarter of the jar later and we had a happy, sleepy little baby.
I cleaned her up and handed her to mama as she willingly and lovingly took her and cradled her just the way she liked it. With some warm milk, a soft blanket, and mama's arms, our little girl was out like a light.
My wife looked up at me, smiling brightly. She was herself again and there was no better feeling than to see her return. With a mild medication and a little therapy, postpartum depression slowly made its way out of our lives, restoring to me the woman I loved.
She apologized, over and over, time and time again, but I always reminded her there was nothing to apologize for. None of it was ever her fault.
"Thank you for sticking it out with me, Noah. Thank you for not running away."
I took her hand and kissed it, rubbing her growing belly carrying baby Davis number two. Now that we knew what to mostly expect, this little gem would be easier to handle.
"For better or for worse, Princess. You've got me and them, forever."
#noah sebastian#noah sebastian fanfiction#bad omens#bad omens cult#bad omens band#bad omens fanfiction
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First of all, welcome back, Wayne! I'm so glad you're here and it's been so lovely to catch up. And now I'm so excited to see what happens next with this story!!
“Oh, nice try. But I won’t confess to anything until you two have told me a little more about yourself,” Diane announced cheekily. “You talk – I talk. My rules. My game. Let's be honest. You don't have anything to nail me down. Zero, really. You two need this. I'm giving you a win, Sheriff.”
Oooh Diane's playing a tricky game. I sense cat and mouse vibes forming, and now I'm scared for both Beau and the reader...
“If her husband was your partner, you must feel at least a little guilty for fucking his wife as soon as he was six-feet-under. Did you have feelings for her when they were still married? You did, didn’t you? I wonder what he’d say if he were still alive.”
Dear GOD this bitch. 😭 The sad part is I can so see her getting under Beau's skin and picking at his guilt, since she's basically hit the nail on the head as far as his feelings are concerned.
Also I appreciate the authenticity of Grey's Anatomy in Spanish show playing on the screen when we get that first flashback in Mexico lol. "Prince charming," eh? Foreshadowing? 😂
‘Así que, elígeme a mí. Escógeme a mí. Ámame a mí…’
Oh, definitely foreshadowing. 🥰 (Even if it's bittersweet in this context lol)
“But sometimes, just for a blink of an eye, I caught myself wondering, you know? What it would be like to be with you… Hell, I wondered all the damn time. Even on your freaking wedding day,” he confessed. “That’s the kind of horrible person I am. And now, that I am with you and so fucking happy, I feel guilty every time that things worked out the way they did. ‘Cause it does feel like I’m happy that I’m with you, and he’s not.”
It's so painful and messy, but I love how the reader didn't sugar coat things even when she was reassuring him. She was honest about how she had an inkling he felt the way he did, but knew he would never act on it when Randy was alive. I'm also glad she specified that her love for Randy and Beau were never at the same time. It's such an important detail, and yes it sucks that Diane is preying on Beau's insecurities, but hopefully he and the reader come out stronger for having hashed this stuff out.
Beau’s features were stone-cold. He was pissed, radiating that fire burning inside of him for miles. He made the Yellowstone supervolcano look harmless. “Stand up and turn around. Hands behind your back.”
*shivers* Oooh, I love it when he gets angry. 😏
Beau swallowed the thick lump in his throat, forcing the name out that had haunted him all those past years. “It’s Randy.”
Whyyyyyyyyy?!!! 😭😭😭😭 Oh God, this is about to get SO messy, and now I'm biting my nails to see what'll happen next. Especially because there are still quite a few chapters left. Brilliant cliffhanger even though it just about gutted me lolll. Can't wait for Friday!
Polaris – Chapter 8
Series Summary: When Beau Arlen moved to Montana, he left behind a past he wasn’t proud of. But when a series of murders requires the FBI’s help, Sheriff Arlen‘s ghosts come back to haunt him one by one. With a wrong turn waiting at every crossroads, it’s hard to make the right choices and find his way back home – back to you.
Pairing: Beau Arlen x FBI Agent!Reader
Warnings: 18+, fluff, angst, serial killer, Diane is her own warning, Grey's Anatomy & alcoholism, uhm... hard to explain the last one without spoilering. You'll be fine 😂
Word Count: 5.5k
A/N: Oh boy, I'll save you guys long explanations. Life got in the way, so let's just all be glad we're back here 😅 Some of you brilliant sleuths already caught breadcrumbs of my scheming in the last part, so here's The One You've Been Waiting For...
Series Masterlist || Main Masterlist || Tag List
Chapter 8: Chemical Bonds
“Where is she?”
Your boot soles thudded on the floor as you dashed inside the station, your questioning look aimed at Jenny, who leaned against her desk with crossed arms and a stern brow. Beau was hot on your heels, just jogging in behind you. You practically raced him from the car across the parking lot.
“She’s in Interrogation Room 3,” Jenny informed you.
“Is she cuffed?” Beau asked, his voice carrying a hint of anger caused by concern. He had a whole car ride to the department to rile himself up and let his head spin with reasons. None of them soothing; all of them terrifying.
Jenny shook her head. “No. She’s not officially under arrest and hasn’t confessed yet, either. ‘Sides, she willingly came in and just all too happily sat down. She’s clearly playing a game. I’d be careful.”
“Alright, thanks,” Beau said and looked at you. “How you wanna do this?”
“Let’s just go in and talk to her. See what she has to say and what angle she’s playing,” you suggested, and Beau agreed with a nod, both of you falling into step as you headed down the hallway.
“My favorite couple. There you are,” Diane greeted you with a smirk that could only be described as lunacy as soon as you and Beau walked into the interrogation room. “Hope I didn’t disturb your evening.”
“Not at all,” you replied with an easy smile and took a seat across from her, Beau settling down right next to you and leaning back in his chair. “What can we do for you, Diane?”
“Well, I figured I come here before you call in the cavalry. There’s no need for all this drama. I have a feeling you two have enough of that,” she quipped and grinned devilishly at the both of you.
“So, you waltzed in here to confess to twenty-four murders?” Beau arched a disbelieving eyebrow at her.
“Oh, nice try. But I won’t confess to anything until you two have told me a little more about yourself,” Diane announced cheekily. “You talk – I talk. My rules. My game. Let's be honest. You don't have anything to nail me down. Zero, really. You two need this. I'm giving you a win, Sheriff.”
Beau and you shared a look. Neither of you liked this, but you supposed you had to play along if it led to a confession. You nodded at Diane. “Fine, what d’you wanna know?”
Diane grinned in triumphant satisfaction and folded her arms on the metal table, curiously leaning forward. “Look, I think it’s cute you two found each other… after divorce and death, of course. ‘Cause who likes a cheater, right?” she posed theoretically, her smirk getting wider. “I guess, for me at least, it’s just hard to believe there’ve never been any feelings before that. Seems kinda odd to me.”
You smiled wryly. “Well, for me at least, it seems kinda odd and, frankly, hard to believe some psychotic bitch would murder over twenty innocent people just because her husband was a cheating dirtbag. Yet, here we are.”
“Here we are indeed, Agent,” Diane snarked with a pleased smile. “And I’d be wary throwing the word ‘innocent’ around so carelessly. After all, just look at you two. I mean, I’m not saying you’ve planned this little hot love affair, but c'mon! What, no lingering looks? No fluttering hearts, dirty thoughts, or wistful what-ifs?”
You remained cool and held your gaze stern. No quiver of a lip, no twitch of an eye, no flinch of a muscle betrayed you. But Beau must’ve signaled something when Diane’s eyes drifted to him. She tilted her head with a delighted sneer forming on her face. Your heart halted in your chest. You knew she’d locked in on a target like a lioness on the prowl.
“Whoop, Sheriff Arlen, do you have something to tell me? You seem awfully quiet and… shifty,” Diane prodded the tip of her metaphorical knife into his ribcage, prying it open just enough to see inside. “If her husband was your partner, you must feel at least a little guilty for fucking his wife as soon as he was six-feet-under. Did you have feelings for her when they were still married? You did, didn’t you? I wonder what he’d say if he were still alive.”
“Okay, enough,” you snapped and drew a line in the sand, noticing how Beau withdrew more and more upon her words. She was getting to him and enjoying it. “Neither of us has done anything wrong, got it?”
Diane chuckled amusedly. “Sheriff Arlen, you should learn from your girlfriend here. She’s better at acting than you are. Or is it lying?” Her questioning gaze turned to you.
“What d’you want, huh?” you prompted with stern annoyance, hoping to take some heat off of Beau. “You want some weird confession, so you can throw one of us into a bunker?”
She shrugged nonchalantly. “I have no idea what you’re talking about, Agent. We’re just having a friendly chat among colleagues, getting to know each other.” She grinned, her icy gray eyes sparkling with devilish joy. She leaned closer to Beau, circling in on him. She could smell he was close to a breaking point and aimed her sledgehammer at him. “Tell me, Sheriff, were you happy when your partner died? I mean, you must’ve been. She was finally free and all yours for the taking. Is that why your marriage crumbled so soon after his death? Why you followed her all the way to Mexico, leaving your family behind? Be honest, did you lead her husband into that warehouse on purpose?”
“Shut up!” Beau yelled and bristled, his voice trembling with anger as did every single muscle of his. He jumped up from his seat and kicked the chair roughly against the wall before storming out and slamming the door loudly behind him.
Shocked, you rose from your seat as well and threw Jenny a worried look through the one-way mirror. As you followed Beau outside, you could still hear Diane’s heinous laugh.
November 2020
‘¿Recuerdas que en tu infancia creías en cuentos de hadas? En la fantasia de lo que podría ser tu vida. Tu vestido blanco, un príncipe azul que te llevaría en sus brazos a un castillo sobre una colina…’
A knock on your door rattled you and snapped your attention away from the small, old TV in your room. The image was grainy at best, and you were sure the television itself was bought sometime in the early 2000s. Yet, you still managed to hook it up to your laptop and stream a few shows. Drinking and watching television was all you had for entertainment down here whenever you were on the lay-low and had some time off.
Oh, and there was the crying, of course.
You hurriedly blew your nose in one of the tissues in your hand and wiped the tears out of your eyes. Bolting into the bathroom first, you did a quick check of your appearance in the stained, wonky mirror. Well, good enough. Who were you trying to impress? You were a grieving widow. People expected you to look like shit.
Beau blinked at you as the door opened. He offered you a friendly smile, although he could tell you had cried again. You never admitted it, always telling him you were fine and brushing away any and all of his concerns. But your red and puffy eyes were hard to hide and even harder to ignore when he stopped by your room at night. It broke his heart every single time.
“Hey, I know you haven’t eaten dinner yet, darlin’,” he said and tried not to sound too scolding. Since Randy’s death you’d been basically on a grief diet, although you seemed to be more willing to eat since you’d come to Mexico. But Beau had taken it upon himself to ensure your stomach was always full.
“Uh, thanks, but I’m not hungry,” you said quietly and were already keen to close the door to get rid of him again. Sometimes it worked. Most times it didn’t.
Beau frowned and already slid his boot between the door and its jamb. “You know I’m not leaving till you ate. And since you’re being particularly difficult tonight, I’m just gonna have to watch you till that whole bag is empty. Now, trust me. This ain’t fun for me, either. Don’t make me spoon-feed you and do airplane noises. It’s been a while, but I have experience in that field. You wanna hear my lecture about your essential vitamins and minerals again?”
You sighed dramatically and were close to a whine. “Beau, I’m really not in the mood right now. Can you please just–” You stopped when you noticed the man wasn’t even listening to you. With a curiously furrowed brow, he cocked his head and leaned inside your room with a skillful weight shift, his green eyes focusing on the TV.
‘Vamos a domir a tu casa esta noche.’
‘¿Qué?’
‘¿Por qué siempre dormirmos en mi casa? ¿O no tienes una?’
“What are you watching?” Beau had fully stepped inside your room, and you knew your probability of kicking him out again sunk by the second. You sighed once more and closed the door behind you two.
“Grey’s Anatomy in Spanish. I already know the episodes, so I figured I could learn a little. I already forgot most of it from school,” you replied.
“Huh. Never watched this show.” Yet, he sat down on the foot of your bed and seemed hooked. His eyes were glued to the screen, brow lightly creased above the bridge of his nose that showed his interest. If you had popcorn, you would’ve handed it to him.
You rolled your eyes a little but smiled nonetheless. Randy had been the same. He’d teased you for watching till he caught one episode and was immediately enthralled. Afterward, you weren’t allowed to watch a single episode without him anymore.
“You wanna watch with me?” You grabbed the bag of food and crawled onto your bed, leaning against the headboard. You quickly discarded the tissues that were strewn all over your mattress. Luckily, he hadn’t noticed them yet, or you would’ve received a look full of worry and pity.
“Sure.” Beau nodded and smiled at you over his shoulder, happy you had decided to eat, after all. “So, what’s this show about?”
“A hospital in Seattle. But honestly, everyone’s just sleeping with everyone…”
It took a while till you had explained all the intricacies of each relationship to him. Fortunately, this was only the first season. He gasped when you informed him the show had seventeen of it – so far. By the end of the episode, he had joined you by the headboard, sitting next to you as you shared the remaining tacos.
‘Me gusta el helado de café, whisky de malta de una sola destilería, de vez en cuando un buen habano.’
“Ah! Now that’s a home,” Beau declared with a broad and longing smile, raising his beer bottle to the TV. “You know, I’ve always wanted an Airstream trailer exactly like this.”
“Uh-huh. Un remolque.”
His brow quirked. “Is that Spanish for trailer?”
“Yes, he just said it. You need to pay attention,” you chided playfully and took a sip from your beer.
“Hey, look, I’m just glad I can keep up with who’s sleeping with who, alright? Don’t need to add Spanish vocabulary to the mix,” Beau quipped, making you giggle. “I actually almost bought a trailer like that when me and Carla first got married.”
You grinned knowingly. “Lemme guess, Carla said no and almost shot you?”
Beau snorted a laugh. “Ha! Yeah, she definitely came close that time. But Emily was already on the way, so I guess it would’ve been impractical with a baby.”
“Smart choice.”
As your eyes traveled back to the TV, Beau’s gaze landed on you. He watched as your cheeks moved when you laughed with your whole heart. How your pink, full lips sealed around the bottle opening whenever you sipped on your beer. How your shimmering hair fell into your face in waves as you leaned forward and hugged your knees. Lingering looks.
“You wanna open a bottle of tequila with me and watch another episode?” you asked with a mischievous glint in your eyes as you looked back at him over your shoulder.
“Hm? Oh, uh, yeah. Let’s do that,” he agreed, swallowing lightly. A part of him almost felt caught in his shameless staring. But he was willing to do anything as long as it kept you from crying yourself to sleep for another night.
Jumping up from the bed, you sauntered over to the mini bar and bent down, hauling a bottle of tequila from the small fridge you’d stored in there earlier. Beau tried not to stare at the curve of your ass and how tightly those dark blue jeans hugged it. But he couldn’t control his heart as it undeniably accelerated and thumped loudly against its prison. Fluttering hearts.
Four episodes and two Margarita pitchers in, you stretched with a yawn, barely able to keep your eyes open. You glanced at Beau with an amused smile as he was still transfixed by the TV and heavily engaged in the show.
“I’m beat. You mind if we turn in?” you checked and laughed a little when his green eyes blinked at you in surprise.
“Oh, uh, sure. I’ll head back to my room,” he said, nodding. “You, uh, wanna do this every night, maybe? I mean, it’s not like there’s much else to do here… We could hang out and binge-watch, as the kids say. Netflix and chill.”
You snorted. “Beau, that’s not what you think it means…”
His brow furrowed. “Well, what does it mean?”
“Sex,” you said bluntly and watched his mouth open and close. It was rare to render that man speechless.
Beau pursed his lips, his cheeks redder than the desert sand. “Yeah, uh, no Netflix and chill, then.” He cleared his throat a couple of times while you stifled your laughs. “Can I just finish this episode before I go?”
You giggled, getting up from the bed. “Sure. Knock yourself out. I need some bathroom time before, anyways.”
As you sauntered into the small, dingy bathroom, you briefly glanced back and saw Beau’s focus was already back on the sexy doctors. You laughed a little, shaking your head before you began to wash your face and slip into your pajamas, which were just a pair of sweat shorts and an old college shirt of Randy’s. Go Cougars!
Unbeknownst to you, Beau’s gaze didn’t remain on the TV for long. At first, he only caught a glimpse of you from his periphery in the bathroom mirror through the cracked door. For a moment, he stared, unable to tear his eyes away as you shed out of your shirt. But when your bra came off as well, he averted his eyes shamefully back to the TV. His mind, however, still wandered, incapable of shaking the image of you, various unholy ideas gathering for a villainous summit. Dirty thoughts.
‘Así que, elígeme a mí. Escógeme a mí. Ámame a mí…’
“Still hooked, huh?” Amused, you arched a brow at him as you strolled out of the bathroom and saw he was still enchanted by the magic of dramatic television.
“He’s gonna go back to the cheatin’ ex, isn’t he?” Beau asked without looking at you. He sat on the bed with arms crossed and his brow scrunched.
You pressed your lips together as you smothered another laugh. “Oh, no spoilers from me, but it’s a bit of a ride. And we haven’t even gotten to Dr. Caliente yet,” you said, grinning.
You waited a moment for Beau to catch the hint that you wanted to go to bed. But soon you realized it wasn’t going to happen. The man had done a full deep dive into that show, and there was no way of pulling him back out.
“You know, you can stay and keep watching if you want to. I don’t mind. I’ve been sleeping with the TV on, anyways,” you said.
His gaze met yours, brow finally rising with realization. “Oh, uh, sorry. No, I can go. Let you catch some–” His eyes wandered back to the TV before he shook his head and tried to refocus. He blushed. “Sorry.”
“It’s really okay. You can stay. I don’t care,” you assured him with a soft smile and climbed under the covers, resting your head on the pillow. You switched off the lamp by your bedside table, the blue glow of the screen remaining the only source of light.
“Maybe just this episode,” he mumbled, his shoulders deflating as he sunk back into a more comfortable position again.
“This is nice,” you noted with a blissful sigh and closed your eyes. “I kinda hate being alone.”
Beau watched you as you peacefully fell asleep, the TV suddenly forgotten. For once you didn’t cry yourself to sleep. Tears, nightmares, and loneliness gone. And he wondered – what it would be like if he watched you fall asleep every night. What if he was still there in the morning. What if he could hold you as you wore his shirt. Then, the guilt came swiftly like the rising tide and washed those thoughts away. Wistful what-ifs.
“What the hell happened in there?” you hissed as quietly as possible as you caught up with Beau in the lowly lit hallway of the station. Luckily, the other cops had enough sense to stay away and keep their distance while the two of you hashed things out.
Beau dragged a hand over his face, kept his palm clasped on his mouth as he paced in a circle. You were surprised he hadn’t punched a wall yet, judging by the tension in his shoulders.
“You can’t let her get to you,” you reminded him gently, your face softening when you noticed how distraught and upset he really was. What Diane said to him must’ve cut deep.
“You know it’s not true, right? What she said in there? I-I didn’t kill him. I wasn’t… Fuck!” His eyes were brimming with desperate tears, his breathing quick. You could hear his heart race from feet away.
“Of course not. She’s a deranged psychopath,” you emphasized, although you didn’t understand why you had to spell it out for him. He already knew that. “Why are you so upset? Don’t let her get under your skin. She’s thriving off it like a hyena.”
“I know. I just-…” He took a deep breath. “What if she’s right?”
Confused, your brow furrowed. “About what?”
“Me. Us,” he said, not making necessarily more sense. “What if it’s true, huh?” He blinked at you and swallowed harshly, completely out of breath. “Look, uhm… I-I don’t know how to say this. I’ve never admitted it before, but recently, things have become a lot clearer to me…” He paused for a moment, rubbing his mouth with two fingers before he found your eyes again. “I’ve always had feelings for you, you know? There’s always been this… pull. Even back then. Since the first time I met you.”
You inhaled sharply, your lungs incapable of fitting more air as you held your breath for several heartbeats. “Beau, it’s okay.”
He shook his head. “I don’t know if it is,” he said. The tortured tone of his voice pained you. “I mean, I would’ve never done anything. You need to know that, okay? I would’ve never hurt you or Randy. I never would’ve come between you two.”
“I know that,” you assured him. You wanted to take his hands in yours, touch him, hold him. But you knew it would only make the turmoil of emotions worse instead of better, like pouring oil into the fire.
“But sometimes, just for a blink of an eye, I caught myself wondering, you know? What it would be like to be with you… Hell, I wondered all the damn time. Even on your freaking wedding day,” he confessed. “That’s the kind of horrible person I am. And now, that I am with you and so fucking happy, I feel guilty every time that things worked out the way they did. ‘Cause it does feel like I’m happy that I’m with you, and he’s not.”
You let out a heavy sigh through your nose and finally took his hands in yours, intertwining your fingers as you squeezed them. “I know all of that,” you said, his brow rising in bewildered surprise. “In terms of being honest… I guess a part of me always knew you felt this way, but I never let myself go there. And yeah, considering everything, it’s only natural to feel guilty. But you’ve still done nothing wrong. We’ve done nothing wrong. You can’t control how you feel. Neither can I. And I’m not saying everything always was exactly right, and we did everything by the book, but I loved Randy with all my heart. There wasn’t room for anyone else… And now, I love you. But it was never at the same time, you know?”
Beau pulled you into his arms and held you tightly, kissing your crown. “No, I know. Trust me. I know that part.”
“I love you, okay?” You tiptoed to claim his lips, putting your whole heart into the kiss. You didn’t want to hurt him, but you wouldn’t lie, either. “Diane doesn’t get to use that against us. Everything that happened, everything we’ve done right or wrong – that’s between you and me… and maybe God at some point. But surely not that psychotic bitch in there. She’s doesn’t know what we think or feel, so don’t give her ammunition, alright?”
Beau nodded and pecked your lips, his hands caressing your cheeks. “I love you, too.”
Jenny cleared her throat as she carefully snuck up on you. “You guys okay?”
You gave her a soft smile. “Yeah. What d’you got?”
“Well, since Diane walked in and became our prime suspect, the new DA on the case signed a search warrant for her property, office, car, and all her devices,” Jenny informed you.
“Alright, take Pops with you and head to her house first. Call me if you find somethin’ we can burn that witch with,” Beau ordered, putting his sheriff hat back on, jumping into the saddle full-throttle.
“On it, boss.” Jenny gave him a resolute nod and hurried down the hall.
January 2021
“¡Feliz navidad!”
As you opened the motel room door, you found Beau on your doorstep with a giant grin on his freckled face and not one but two bottles of tequila. One in each hand that he joyfully wiggled in the air.
You chuckled, shaking your head at him. “Christmas was two weeks ago, payaso.”
“Yeah, but I wasn’t here, so merry belated Christmas,” he retorted and strolled right in as you held the door open for him. “Can’t believe you stayed here and didn’t go home for Christmas.”
“Meh, wasn’t in the mood to be placated and pitied by my whole family. I know they all mean well, but if I get one more concerned head tilt and a ‘How are you holding up, sweetie?’, tendré que apuñalar a alguien,” you huffed.
Beau narrowed his eyes at you, slightly amused. “I only understood the word ‘stab’, but I think I get the gist,” he joked, laughing. “I see your Spanish is getting better. So, how was your depressing and lonely Christmas without your family?”
“Nice guilt trip, asshole,” you retorted playfully and scoffed. “Great, actually. I went out with the guys from our team who stayed here, too. Got insanely drunk on some Christmas cocktail Ignacio created. And some hot guy taught me how to Salsa dance. He got a little handsy towards the end, which, granted, is the most action I’ve seen in five months, so…”
Beau’s lips thinned as he weighted your words. “Huh, so to recap: you got wasted with five guys in a dingy bar and second base with some stranger. Sounds like Christmas-y fun.”
You frowned slightly, watching him open one of the bottles of tequila. “Alright, there were no bases being hit, Judge Judy. How was your Christmas?”
“Not as fun, I can tell you that much,” Beau muttered and gulped some tequila straight from the bottle.
Your nose scrunched, lips pursed. “You and Carla got into it again?”
“Oh yeah, big time,” he replied. “I’ve only been home twice, including Christmas. You’d think she’d be more happy to see me, but instead I get yelled at for not being home more and criticized like I’m some drunk.”
Your narrowed look drifted to the bottle of liquor tightly clasped in his hands as he plopped down on the bed with a sigh. “Well, you know, not really making an argument for yourself there, gaucho.”
He scowled at you. “Who’s side are you on?”
“No one’s!”
“What, you think I’m some alcoholic?”
You pursed your lips and hesitated briefly. “No… But I do think you have a slight issue with... occurrence and... volume.”
He sent you a small glare. “That’s the same thing, just different words.”
“Look, I get it. It’s not like I’ve been a healthy example these past months,” you said, hoping a softer approach would work. You sat down next to him on the bed. “It’s been hard for all of us. Grief wrecks you. But you have a family to think about. Maybe it’s time you go home… for good.”
His brow drew into creases, green eyes drilling a hole into you. “Do you want me to go?”
Your lips parted for a moment, reluctant to answer as his question hung in the air between you two. “It’s not about what I want. You should do what’s best for you.”
Beau considered your words, his head bobbing. “I wanna stay. I need to see this through. For Randy,” he declared, although it was only partially true. Another part of him stayed for you. There was an electrostatic force, invisible to the naked heart and irresistible to the free mind. A force that kept him in your orbit and bonded his atoms with yours.
Maybe you should’ve told him to go home, been more insistent on making him leave, clearer on what was best. But truthfully and selfishly so, you liked having him around. He was your constant, your little piece of home in a strange land and an even stranger new life. And you didn’t want to navigate this new life alone.
“You sure?” you still asked for the sake of your conscience, but the determination on his face over his decision made your heart sing in relief.
“I’m sure. Just wish things were easier…”
Walking back into the interrogation room, you smiled victoriously as you slapped a folder full of evidence on the metal table in front of Diane. The deputies had found “a buttload” in Poppernak’s words.
Regardless, you knew Diane wasn’t stupid. If the deputies found something, she had wanted you to find it. For some reason, she wanted to be arrested. But you didn’t care what sick game she was playing. Cuffing her meant there’d be no more bodies, no more victims.
She gave you a titillated sneer, glimpsing at the file in front of her before finding your eyes again. She bit her lip, smirking. “Oooh, lookey, what you found there,” she mocked.
“It’s over, Diane. You’re under arrest for multiple murders among a plethora of other charges. But you already know that,” you told her firmly.
Beau’s features were stone-cold. He was pissed, radiating that fire burning inside of him for miles. He made the Yellowstone supervolcano look harmless. “Stand up and turn around. Hands behind your back.”
Diane did as told without any protest. She grinned at you the whole time when Beau manhandled her roughly into her handcuffs, bending her over the metal table as he read her the Miranda rights. You couldn’t shake the eerie feeling in your stomach, though. You had your killer, but somehow this felt far from over. You knew she had an ace up her sleeve and was waiting to lay it on the table.
“But we were just getting started,” she snarled. “Aren’t we having fun?”
“Fun usually looks a little different for me,” Beau retorted and forced her back onto the chair as soon as she was cuffed.
“I bet it does, Sheriff,” she purred with a flirtatious glimmer in her gray eyes. “I think I’ll wait with my confession till tomorrow. Let you two lovebirds enjoy your last night together.”
Beau and you shared a wary look at that. But deep in your heart, you knew there was nothing that could tear you apart. And you hoped Beau knew it, too.
“Look, bitch, I don’t care what you think you’ve planned, but it won’t drive a wedge between us. All it’s gonna do is piss us off more, got it?” you threatened and leaned forward on the table with an angrily knit brow.
Diane chuckled. “Confident. I always liked you, Agent. Aren’t you even a little curious what I’ve got in store for you?”
“No,” you replied without hesitation. You looked up at Beau and rose from your seat. “Let’s go. She’s not gonna talk tonight.”
Beau nodded, putting his hand on the small of your back, leading you outside the door. And just as your hand reached the handle, Diane decided to play her ace of hearts.
“It’s about your husband,” she noted innocently. You could hear the satisfaction in her voice as your whole body stiffened, muscles freezing. Beau felt it, too. His heart began to race. “Dead husband, of course. I always forget that part. Silly me.”
Beau’s hand on your back gave you a soft caress, telling you it was okay to turn around and find out. You didn’t want to care. And most of all, you didn’t want Beau to see that you did. But as you met his forest-green eyes, they were full of understanding.
“What about him?” you asked bravely, your chin held high as you faced her.
Her grin widened before her gaze wandered to Beau. “It’s in my pocket. Mind giving me a hand, Sheriff? You can even touch. I know you have a hard time keeping those hands to yourself,” she taunted.
You scoffed exasperatedly, rolling your eyes. “I’ll do it.”
“Oh, c’mon, Agent. Let me have a little fun. I’m about to be felt up by enough women,” she quipped.
You ignored her, hauling her to her feet by her elbow and holding her in place as your other hand dived into her back pocket. Your brow furrowed as your fingers identified a small plastic stick. Your frown deepened as you pulled out a familiar thumb drive. It wasn’t the first one you had received from her.
Twenty-five.
Had she taken another victim before giving herself up? What was so special about this one? What did it have to do with Randy? Did he ever cheat on you? Did Beau know?
You found that quite unbelievable. In fact, you knew there was no chance in hell that was true. But that did nothing to ease your conscience.
Your hand trembled in sync with your palpitating heartbeats. You tried to steady it as best as you could and keep your jumpy nerves in line as you slipped the small drive into its designated outlet on your laptop, not wanting the team that had gathered around and behind you to catch on to your unnerving emotions.
As you clicked on the MP4 file, your heart came to a standstill when a video popped open in the player. Pressing Play, you sucked in a breath and then forgot to breathe at all.
It only took you a glimpse to die inside.
“Oh God…”
It felt like suffocating. Like jumping off a steep seaside cliff and drowning. Your body hit the ocean rocks; your heart split open.
It only took Beau a second longer to catch on. The horror in your voice had put him on immediate alert before he recognized the figure on the screen, too.
As your head spun and your stomach turned upside down, you couldn’t find any words and bolted outside. You needed fresh air. You needed to breathe. And you needed to goddamn puke.
“Beau, what’s going on? Who’s the guy on the video? You know him?” Jenny asked, her gaze worriedly flashing in the direction you had fled.
Beau swallowed the thick lump in his throat, forcing the name out that had haunted him all those past years. “It’s Randy.”
Chapter 9: Marooned – NOVEMBER 29
Dun, dun, dun... The dead have risen in Montana! This is where it becomes a Walking Dead crossover (at least if you ask Donno 😂). Did you call the little resurrection action beforehand? 👀 Lemme know all your wild thoughts in the comments! 💭
So happy to be back with y'all! 🤍
Join the TAG LIST here! 🌌 Wanna sponsor my caffeine addiction? ☕️
Everything Jensen: @alwaystiredandconfused @xlynnbbyx @lyarr24 @deans-spinster-witch @blackcherrywhiskey
@deansbbyx @foxyjwls007 @ladysparkles78 @roseblue373 @zepskies
@agalliasi @yvonneeeee @hobby27 @iamsapphine @globetrotter28
@mxltifxnd0m @lacilou @feyresqueen @suckitands33 @onlyangel-444
@syrma-sensei @perpetualabsurdity @deans-baby-momma @yoobusgoobus @jessjad
@hunter-or-the-hunted @k-slla @just-levyy @mrsjenniferwinchester @illicithallways
@muhahaha303 @ultimatecin73 @nancymcl @leigh70 @brightlilith
@nesnejwritings @samslvrgirl @xx-spooky-little-vampire-xx @fromcaintodean
Everything Beau Arlen: @snowayumi
Polaris Series: @corruptedcruiser @xx-spooky-little-vampire-xx
#polaris#beau arlen#beau arlen x reader#beau arlen x female reader#beau arlen x you#beau arlen fanfic#jensen ackles fanfic#jensen ackles characters#lovely mutuals#beau arlen fanfiction#big sky#zepskies reads
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Who needs dating apps when you can flirt with tumblr mutuals???
#also dating is just annoying and a nightmare anyway lol#I did end up deleting my dating apps because honestly there is NO ONE where I live#and it’s the same people I saw on there like a year ago???#and no one on them knows how to hold a conversation either soooo…#also in general I do enjoy being single a majority of the time#gives me more time for myself 🥰🥰🥰#sex would be nice to have more often though 😅😅😅#apparently we’re in a yapping mood tonight#mine#text post
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// I wish I had booked my flight home for today instead of tomorrow. A lot of my friends are at Veilguard end game and I wanna be right there with them. 😔 Alas, I have to wait until tomorrow to return to my Rook and her eventual boyfriend Emmrich.
#(( dodging spoilers is an Olympic sport y'all. Twitter and Tiktok are ruthless but we prevail. so far.#it's been a somewhat draining day. those who know what's going on behind the scenes in my life... lemme just tell ya#people do show their true colors after a while. I'm ready to be single and work on improving myself and my own life.#no more giving myself for others who won't give me the same consideration. 🙄 we just don't see eye to eye anymore and it's time to go#but this is how i know I'll be alright. I'm more upset I'm not home playing Dragon Age 🤣 the healing has already started#i hope y'all are doing well!! I'll be around ish for the rest of the night. my flight isn't until 2 pm tomorrow#so I'll be up late 🥰 ))#;; oh jeeze what now? ( ooc )#;; tbd
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//
#personal#headmate shenanigans#z: It appears that with your return home you've picked up some old Habits.#z: It's not a Bad Thing. But i worry.#i: :/#z: Yeah You're Fucked. Sorry.#j: i just want to finish stuff. i feel like getting organized to the fullest is a good start#j: being organized makes me feel good :)#z: It is good to be organized. Just try not to Over Do Everything.#z: You've Already Broke Once.#j: wait thats not fair it wasnt just meee#i: well 🥰 what can i say its been a while since i felt so much pain!!#z: Yeah its Not Surprising. This is a Terrible Place for You Specifically. I fear More Painful Nights are coming..#z: ugh. not to mention the coming months....#z: We will make it work.#j: I am just going to bury myself in work until the time passes by so fast were happy again#z: And Thats Whats Concerning the Most... Sigh.#j: im going to ginish the ref. i really want to show off to be honest and relate to the other DID OSDD friends#z: Don't get hurt if No One gives you Attention on it okay? i know that discourages you a little.#z: over time discouragement after discouragement you feed the... what the hell are Calling them. These Emotion Demons.#okay time for beb#zzzz
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i cant fucking stand her oh my GOD
#ramblings#i cleaned up the entire fucking kitchen while shes eating her dinner that we were suppoed to do together#and she promises. she PROMISES that she will clean up the TINY FUCKING PILE of things that i left for her to do#literally like 5 things#she cleans up one of them#and then makes more of a mess.#that i have to clean up.#and then when i ask her why she didnt i wasnt even rude#she acts like its my fault. and im the bad person#and shes so fucking condescnedngin oh my god she acts exactly like every bully ive ever fucking had#and then lies to our dad that she totally definitely cleaned it up 🥰as i am in the middle of cleaning it up#will i get an apology? hell the fuck no!! but she ill probably knock on my door in 5 minues to tell me about her FUCKING ice skating#I DONT GIVE A FUCK OH MY GOD#this seems so petty but its stuff like this every day#you guys dont udnerstand the way she talks to me#the way she acts#she wont touch anything ive touched she looks at me like im disgusting#im not disgusting am i disgusting i swear im not#ive asked my parents ive asked my friends they say im not gross and dusgusting and unheygenic what am i donig wrong why does she think this#whywhwywhwywhwywhwy#why does she hate me so much#i hate myself so much#every time i interact with her it makes me hate myself
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reminder GONKI IS MORE CANON 😤😏 so anytime some kg person tries to send hate at you remember it’s just cuz they’re big mad Gonki more canon eheheh 😘🤭
#IS WHY I WONT LET ANY LOSER GET ME DOWN 😤#I KNOW ITS JUST CUZ THEY ARE BIG MAD THE DIRECTOR CALLED KI WIFE AND KIS VA TAGS STUFF GONKI EHEHEH 😘🥰#Naturally sadly on the west side there’s wayyyy more kg people so I don’t mean alll of them obvi but please#on twitter- I mean x#I am like the sole person in the English gonkillu tag mostly#And these kg fans got big mad when there was dare an artist in there for a while who was popular and used gonki tag#LIKE HOW DARE THEY LOL#Losers got so mad over a tag that has hardly anything in it#SO DONT LET ANY OF THEM DRAG YOU DOWN#Most the time they’re hypocrites and losers#AND I WONT LET ANY OF THEM EVER STOP ME#🤧😤🥰#Honestly they’re free to hate it like I hate kg but the fact they go to bully an artist the moment they dare to use the gonki tag is not#Acceptable#That tag isn’t there for you#Its for us few#ANYWAY ILL ALWAYS STAND MY GROUND FOR THE GONKIS#And trust me this is no lie I’ve been harassed ive seen people leave that were gonkis I have even had friends!#open gonki people tell me they are scared to post#LIKE WHAT YOU WANNA BUT LEAVE US ALONE#And no none of them can use the excuse of “heteronormative” or whatever else they want to get away with bullying#ESP NOT WHEN THEY WILL TURN AROUND AND DO THE SAME TROPES WITH THEIR VER LOL do what you want but do not be a hypocrite to send threats#Its all fiction there’s no need to play purity police god will def let you up into heaven cuz you told me to kill myself for#Having Ki in a dress#NOT LOL! TOO BAD 😤 AND KI IS A PRETTY PRINCESS WHO DESERVES DRESSES 😤 PERIOD#I’m sure there’s been a few rotten gk people I don’t accept them as my kin either but from the few of us I do know#We’re never gone to the kg tags or go to those people’s posts and fics LIKE WHY WOULD I EVEN WANNA SEE STUFF I HATE IT DOESNT MAKE SENSE#AND YES I HAVE TWO FOLLOWERS AND NO I HAVE NO ISSUE SPEAKING OUT ESP WHEN PEOPLE I KNOW GET HARASSED SPECIFICALLY BY A KG PERSON#I WILL GIVE US A PEP TALK 😤 ITS JUST CUZ THEY ARE BIG MAD YOU KEEP DOING YOU GONKI IS CANON 😤
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anyways. i hit tag limit and now im going to go to bed late bc i have to clean the whole kitchen. but the last 48 hours have just been so emotionally intense and exhausting and painful. i relived july 5-29 2022 in 48 hours. and it was better than that ofc bc i wasn’t uhmmmm shut down and unable to express my feelings 😍😍😍😍😍😍 but it was still horrible and the worst is over but im still in so much emotional / mental pain rn and it’s gonna take a while to recover from that and i don’t have the emotional resources i need to do so obviously. yayyyyy 🥳
#purrs#delete later#the MMMMMORTIFYING. MORTIFYING. ordeal. of romy leaving the way she did. and never being able to recover from that so the wound has festered#only for someone else i love and cherish and depend on to leave. LIKE IFS INSANE TO ME. it is so crazymaking. i can’t withstand the pain of#it. but OF COURSE i can like they’re not d*ad or anything god forbid a million times they’re just moving on. but im just taking it so hard.#in ways that are so… unhealthy and abnormal and hard to carry and hard to live through. and again living in fear that it will happen one#more time and i’ll be truly alone then. but then it’s like silly tess pepprs you already WERE alone! because nobody can meet the four needs#except for you… or like a significant other if you could get around your psychic block 🥰 but yeah. i am not functioning well and i#don’t know how to get the relief and healing i need because it’s a process etc etc. i just wish this wasn’t happening. i feel so wounded and#bruised and horrible rn. like my heart physically hurts… ermmmmm 😳‼️#also im namedropping at this point idec. i feel bad about it and i shouldn’t but imgonna give myself and my future self this one today LOL
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YEAH NO TONBI GOT HANDS.......... my timing on suggesting it may be Questionable but I AM very glad it holds up as a movie :] hopefully the interview and We Make Antiques are fun diversions! But also take it easy <3 can confirm Nakai is Pretty Moe in both though <3 And I WILL harass you about Masato's VA next week...
TBF YOU SUGGESTED IT A WEEK OR SO AGO twas on me for taking a while to get to it... nevertheless i did really enjoy it thank you..... AND YAYA IM SO STOKED TO WATCH THE FULL INTERVIEW AND WMA2 THANK YOU SO MUCH AGAIN ☆*: .。. o(≧▽≦)o .。.:*☆!!!!!
esp cant wait to hear about masato's VA in the future.. 👁️👁️
#snap chats#LISTEN i think we all just have to accept at this point any time there's a story about a doting father or fts a doting father#i will cry like its unavoidable. so whether my life's falling apart that week or everything's fine#There Will Be No Difference In How Much I Cry ☠️☠️ im just built terribly what can i say it makes for GREAT inspo tho#tonbi WAS real cute tho and i did enjoy it a lot Because yasu did remind me of my dad a lot#very lucky to say my dad's never slapped me or thrown water in my face tho so LMAO BUT FOR THE MOST PART Yeah...#in a way it weirdly felt like watching an AU of my life. if i may sound insane. listen i already said the kid's name had me twisted LISTEN#fr tho cause ive always wondered what my life wouldve been like if i was able to be raised by my dad instead#im gonna make myself start crying if i get too deep into it LMAO NEEDLESS TO SAY i really enjoyed the movie :)#EVIL that they really did let us see akira get married and now yasu gotta give a speech and If He IS Anything Like My Dad#i know damn well he was winging it and didn't prep a script and I Will Start Crying if i think back to my sis's wedding#STILL MAD THAT THE ONE TIME I HAD TO PISS WAS RIGHT BEFORE HIS SPEECH BUT WHATEVER MOVING ON#said i wasnt gonna talk bout the movie/my dad anymore lest i make myself UPSET yet here i am... always saying more when i shouldnt ☠️#but yeah... i have ONE (1) more comm this week Lest Someone Wants To Snipe A Spot IDK#SO im gon do that :]#and im kinda tired rn... but the uncertainty of how much time i have nowadays urges me to work on it a bit#i dont THINK it should take super long but it IS a full-rendered piece so.... it will take time needless to say#n e way not to sound insane but nakai is An Endearing Chap. is the most sane way i can put it#i mentioned it durin a stream but somethin bout him just naturally exudes cute... idk... im delirious probably ANYWAY BYE FR NOW#CANNOT WAIT for next week to be harassed 🥰🥰
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routledge!reader x rafe, after big john comes back and finds out that both of his kids are dating the camerons, he gets mad, especially at his daughter, cause he thought that she wasn't thinking straight. After a few days, he throws a stupid comment about rafe when they were with the rest of the pogues and reader just snaps at him. pure angst now 🥰 she realises that he's never been a good father, only caring about treasures and yells that she wishes he never came back. Then goes to rafe, crying, for comfort 💕 (i love angst im sorry.)
hold me close
rafe cameron x routledge!reader
warnings: angst, swearing, a kiss, pretty safe !!
authors note: OKAY ik thats trevor n not rafe but erm, we’ll pretend bc that pic is what gives the energy for this oneshot. anyway hii, hope u guys enjoy this one. feel free to send any requests guys! n thank u for 1k followers yesterday. ilyasm <33
you sit in the backyard, the soft hum of cicadas filling the warm night air. the pogues are just behind you, laughing and talking in a huddle. it feels good to see them like this again—normal, for once, after everything.
after the chaos of the last year, of treasure hunts, betrayals, and close calls. you’ve always tried to stay out of it, letting john b and the others chase after the gold while you lived your life. but eventually, you couldn’t stay on the sidelines, not when rafe got involved, not when it became a matter of life and death.
it’s been hard, being stuck between two sides, torn between your brother and your boyfriend. but tonight, you just want peace.
you glance over at your dad, sitting a little ways away from the group, leaning back in his chair with a satisfied grin on his face. big john routledge—alive, after these three years. you still can’t believe it sometimes.
he looks different, a little more worn, a little rougher around the edges, but the way he carries himself hasn’t changed. he’s still larger than life, still full of stories, still your dad. and god, you missed him.
he catches your eye, and for a moment, it’s like nothing has changed. like you’re just a kid again, sitting with your dad, listening to him talk about his crazy ideas, his wild adventures.
“you know,” he starts, leaning forward, “i remember that time you and john b tried to catch that fish out by the dock, and you both fell in. i swear, i thought i was gonna have to drag you two out myself,” he says, chuckling to himself, shaking his head like the memory is some long-lost treasure of its own.
you smile, even though it feels a little bittersweet. “yeah,” you murmur under your breath.
you pull at a piece of grass by your feet, your fingers absentmindedly tearing at it. you’ve waited so long for this moment—for him to come back, for your family to feel whole again.
but now that he’s here, you don’t know what to do with it. you can’t shake the feeling that something’s changed, that he’s not just the dad you remember, but something else entirely. still, you can’t help but feel like the little girl who always looked up to him, who wanted nothing more than to make him proud.
“i never thought we’d see you again,” you mumble, your voice low, barely above a whisper. you don’t look up from the grass, your fingers still picking at the blades, but you can feel his gaze on you.
“i never thought i’d be back either,” he admits quietly. “but i couldn’t stop thinking about you two. every day out there . . . i thought about coming home.”
you scoff softly, a bitter smile pulling at your lips, even though you don’t mean for it to. “but you didn’t,” you say, barely above a whisper. “you didn’t come back for three years.”
he shifts in his seat, his fingers tapping against the arm of the chair. “it wasn’t that simple, y/n,” he says. “i was trying to protect you. there are dangerous people out there, people who want what we’re after. i couldn’t come back until i knew it was safe.”
you nod, but it’s a hollow gesture. you’ve heard it all before from other people—the excuses, the treasure, the danger. it always comes back to that.
you glance at your friends, laughing and sharing stories with each other. you’ve spent so long trying to push this life aside, to live outside of the mess of treasure hunts and betrayals. but it always pulls you back in.
“yeah, you always did put the treasure first,” you murmur as you face forward again. you’re not even sure if you mean to say it out loud. it’s more to yourself, just a thought that’s been living in the back of your mind for too long.
“don’t do that.” he leans forward, his voice soft, almost pleading. “i did it for you and john b,” he says, like it’s the most obvious thing in the world. “for our family. i wanted us to have something—something big, something that would change everything.”
“yeah, but we didn’t need that,” you say, your voice small, but firm. you’re still pulling at the grass, twisting it around your fingers. “we just needed you.”
he doesn’t say anything for a moment. it’s like he’s trying to figure out what to say, but there’s nothing that can fix the years of distance. nothing that can make up for what you lost when he left.
there’s a long silence, and for a moment, you think maybe this is as close as you’ll ever get to understanding each other. you don’t want to fight tonight. you just want to sit with him, to pretend that things could go back to how they were before.
“so,” he starts again, his tone shifting back to playful, like he’s trying to lighten the mood, “you and john b teaming up with the others to chase down treasure? guess it runs in the family.”
you laugh, but it’s a little forced. “yeah, well, i tried to stay out of it. but . . .”
“but what?” he presses, leaning forward with a smirk. “got a little taste of adventure, didn’t you?”
you glance up at the marsh, a faint smile on your lips. “something like that,” you mutter.
but you don’t mention rafe, don’t mention how he’s become a part of this tangled mess, how hard it’s been being caught between him and your family. you’ve already told your dad the day you reunited a few days ago in barbados. didn’t end well that time either. you don’t want to ruin the moment, don’t want to start another fight.
but, as if the universe is reading your mind, your dad shifts the conversation in a way that makes your stomach drop. “just promise me,” he says, suddenly serious, “you won’t let that rafe cameron kid get too close. he’s no good, y/n.”
the words hit you like a slap, and for a moment, you just sit there, staring at him. it takes you a second to process what he’s said, to even understand the casual way he’s dismissed rafe, like it’s nothing. like he’s nothing.
“and i hear john b’s with sarah now, too?” his tone shifts, bitter and disapproving. “so now both of my kids are wrapped up with the camerons. hell of a choice you both made.”
you freeze, your stomach tightening. there it is. you knew it was coming, but it still hits you like a punch to the gut. it’s not the first time he’s made a comment about rafe, and you thought you were doing the right thing confessing what’s changed since you last saw him, but now he’s dragging john b into it, and that makes it worse. so much worse.
“dad,” you start, trying to keep your voice steady, but there’s an edge to it, a warning. “don’t.”
he shakes his head like you’ve said something ridiculous. “no, i am gonna say something. sarah, rafe, they’re cameron’s kids. ward cameron’s kids. you’re smart enough to know better than to get mixed up with people like him. they’re bad news. always have been.”
“yeah, but they’re not like him,” you snap, your voice sharper than you intended. “sarah’s not ward. rafe’s not ward. they’re not their father.”
he just laughs, but there’s no humor in it. it’s harsh. “you really believe that?” he asks, shaking his head again. “they’re camerons. it’s in their blood. you think you’re any safer with rafe than you were without me here? because i’m telling you right now, you’re not.”
you stand up, your hands balled into fists at your sides. you’ve heard enough. for days now, you’ve listened to him make little digs about rafe, about the camerons, and you’ve kept your mouth shut. but tonight, it’s too much. you can’t keep it in anymore.
“three years, dad. three years you were gone, chasing your stupid treasure, while we were stuck here. john b and i had to figure it out on our own. so don’t stand there and act like you have any right to tell me who i should or shouldn’t be with.”
big john looks at you, stunned, like he’s seeing you for the first time. but you’re not done. there’s too much you’ve kept bottled up, and now it’s all spilling out.
“you care more about that gold than you ever did about us,” you say. “you care more about treasure than you do about being a father. you don’t know anything.”
big john’s face hardens, his jaw clenching as he stares at you. “i know enough,” he says, his voice cold. “i know who the camerons are.”
“yeah?” you snap, your voice breaking. “well, maybe if you’d been here, you’d actually know something about me too.”
you turn on your heel, ready to storm off, but the moment you move, you notice it.
the pogues are silent now, all of them watching. sarah, jj, pope, kie—they’re still, their conversations dropped as they stand there, wide-eyed and uneasy. john b, though, he’s just sitting there with his can of beer held low in his hands, lips pressed together. you can tell he’s heard it all before. he’s not going to step in because he knows you need to let it out.
you’re just done with it. you take a step forward, ready to leave this backyard and the suffocating tension behind. but something stops you, a feeling gnawing at your chest, pulling you back. you hesitate, turning just enough to glance at your dad over your shoulder.
he’s still staring at you, his expression set like stone, as if he’s waiting for you to say more, to take it all back, maybe. but you won’t. not now.
your voice wavers, but it’s steady enough. “i wish you never came back.”
his face doesn’t move, but something flickers in his eyes. you don’t wait for him to respond. you turn away for good this time and walk out, leaving the backyard behind.
before you know it, you’re at rafe’s house, your knuckles rapping against the door almost frantically. you pace, glancing down at your phone, watching as the notifications keep coming—texts from john b, a few from kie, and even jj. they're all asking the same thing: ‘ where are you? ’ or ‘ are you okay? ’
you drag your hand down your face, trying to ignore the tightness in your chest. before you can get lost in your thoughts, the door swings open, and there he is.
rafe stands in the doorway, his expression unreadable. he leans against the doorframe for a second, his lips slightly parted, taking you in. you know he’s already pieced together what’s happened from the voice messages you left on the way over. not that he’s the type to acknowledge it with some grand gesture or comforting words.
he doesn’t say anything, but he steps aside without much ceremony. you slip past him and leave your phone in the foyer, tossing it carelessly on the side table as you pass, the pinging of messages finally fading into the background.
you make your way down the hallway, not even sure where you’re going, but your feet carry you to the living room. rafe follows close behind, his presence looming, but not overbearing. his eyes are trained on you, watching as you take in the dimly lit room. there’s a bottle of whiskey sitting on the coffee table, a glass next to it, already finished. it’s so rafe—quiet, controlled chaos.
you stop, your breath shaky, your chest tight, and before you can hold it back, everything comes spilling out.
“he doesn’t get it, rafe. he just doesn’t fucking get anything,” you start, your voice louder than you intend. you turn to face him, your hands gesturing wildly as you try to make sense of the mess of emotions coursing through you. “i mean, he’s been gone for years, and he comes back, and suddenly he thinks he can just . . . control everything? like he gets to have an opinion about my life after everything he’s done. he doesn't even know me anymore.”
rafes eyes are fixed on you, and he’s listening, letting you get it out. his jaw twitches slightly, but he stays silent, just watching as you unravel in front of him.
“and it’s like . . . it’s like no matter what i do, no matter how hard i try, it’s never enough! not for him, not for john b, not for anyone!” your voice cracks, and you press your palms against your temples, trying to hold yourself together, but the tears are already brimming, threatening to spill over. “i didn’t ask for any of this. i didn’t ask to be stuck in the middle of all this shit with my family and you and . . . god, it’s too much.”
you turn away from him, your breath coming out in shallow gasps now as you try to steady yourself. but it’s no use. you’re falling apart, and it feels like the weight of everything is finally crushing you.
before you can say another word, rafe steps forward, his arms sliding around you in one swift motion. “alright, alright, c’mere,” he murmurs, his voice soft but firm. “c’mon.”
you collapse into him, burying your face into his chest, the tears coming freely now. he holds you tight, his chin resting lightly against the top of your head as his hand rubs slow circles on your back.
rafe’s not one for words, and you don’t expect him to be, but this—this is enough. the steady rise and fall of his chest, the way his arms keep you grounded, it’s enough to make the world stop spinning for just a moment.
you don’t say anything else. neither does he. the silence stretches on, but it’s not uncomfortable. for once, you feel like you can breathe.
even though he’s holding you, his mind seems elsewhere—his jaw clenched, muscles rigid beneath the surface. it’s not hard to guess where his thoughts have drifted, especially after everything you told him in those voice messages.
you can tell he’s upset. not just because you’re upset, but because of what your dad said—about him, about his family. his body is stiff as he holds you, and you know him well enough to see the silent anger simmering just beneath the surface. his eyes aren’t on you; they’re somewhere distant, staring past you as if he’s imagining your father’s words in his head.
“i’m sorry about what he said, rafe,” you whisper into his chest, feeling the way his breathing shifts, more shallow now, controlled. “he said something about sarah and john b, too.”
he doesn’t respond right away, but you feel his hand pause against your back, fingers pressing a little harder. for a moment, it feels like he might pull away, but instead, he just tightens his grip on you. his silence speaks volumes. rafe is the type to internalize everything, to let it fester until it boils over, but you can feel it now—the tension thrumming through his entire body.
“doesn’t matter,” he finally mutters, though you can tell by the way his voice is low, that it does. “it’s nothing i haven’t heard before.”
you pull back slightly, just enough to look up at him, and his eyes flick down to meet yours. they’re darker than usual, clouded with frustration, but he still tries to soften his expression for you.
“he doesn’t know what he’s talking about,” you say quietly. “he doesn’t know you.”
for a moment, neither of you speaks. rafe’s hand resumes its slow, steady motion against your back, though the tension hasn’t fully left his body. you can feel the war going on inside him—the part of him that’s angry, defensive, but also the part that’s trying to be here for you, to let go of his own frustration long enough to comfort you.
“fuck him,” rafe mutters after a long silence, his voice barely above a whisper. “he doesn’t get to talk about you like that. or me.”
there’s a dangerous edge to his voice now, but you know it’s not directed at you. he’s angry, not just at your dad, but at the situation—the impossible mess you’ve both found yourselves in, caught between your family and his.
“i don’t care what he thinks,” you murmur, holding onto him tighter. “i’m here with you. that’s all that matters.”
he doesn’t respond, but his hand moves to the back of your neck, his fingers curling gently into your hair as he exhales, long and slow, like he’s finally letting go of whatever was eating at him.
for the first time tonight, the room feels quiet as the two of you stand there, wrapped in each other’s arms.
you’re gazing up into his eyes, searching for something—comfort, understanding, maybe a little reassurance. your hands find their way up his shoulders, one resting gently on his collarbone while the other slides higher, rubbing the area around his ear and jaw.
“you know that i love you,” you murmur, your voice soft but steady, as if the confession can dissolve the tension still hanging in the air.
rafe stares down at you, and in that moment, you can see everything in his eyes. he’s never loved anyone more than he loves you—the way you stood your ground against your own dad tonight, defending yourself and defending him and his family. it’s a vulnerable space, one he doesn’t often let himself occupy, but with you, it feels different.
he nods, pressing his lips together as if trying to hold back a flood of emotion. then, with a sudden urgency, he leans down and kisses you deeply. the taste of whiskey lingers on his lips. it’s a kiss that speaks of everything unspoken.
but just as quickly as it begins, he pulls away and presses a soft kiss to your cheek. you close your eyes into the gesture, feeling the warmth of his lips linger against your skin.
rafe goes back to resting his chin on your head, his breath steady as he holds you close again. you breathe in his familiar scent, a mix of sea salt and something distinctly rafe, and let the silence wrap around you like a comforting blanket.
in this moment, nothing else matters. not the fights, not your dad’s harsh words, not the stupid tangled web of family and expectations.
just you and him, together, holding onto each other for as long as you can.
#rafe#rafe cameron#rafe cameron blurb#rafe cameron imagine#rafe cameron smut#rafe cameron x you#rafe cameron fanfic#rafe cameron fanfiction#rafe cameron fic#rafe cameron angst#rafe cameron x reader#rafe cameron outer banks#drew#drew starkey#drew starkey concept#drew starkey smut#drew starkey imagine#drew starkey x you#drew starkey fic#drew starkey blurb#drew starkey fanfiction#drew starkey fanfic#requests!#rafe outer banks#rafe smut#rafe angst#rafe x reader#rafe x you#x reader#rafe fanfiction
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Reading stone butch blues and cracking my nervous system wide open so you can see the flash of pure enlightenment light up this sad little apartment. if you need me or anything
#rangnar rambles#i feel like it sounds like im continously making wifi excuses but you would not believe who got fucked by the wifi people again 🤩🥰#it has been 3 months and i will literally have gone home for christmas a week after it gets fixed im so.#using my time wisely as u can see <- literally giving myself a gender crisis Again#(ok less. 'gender' crisis. more 'the vocabulary i use to express my identity to other people needs a complete overhaul' crisis)#literally a “FUCKS SAKE NOW I NEED TO UPDATE PEOPLE” crisis#if u see me put tam farrell on a butch lesbian flag in the coming days mind ur own we're going through it together </3
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Jake (your roommate) who has oral fixation who can't help but want to suck on your nipples and clit anytime and anywhere he wants (in school, in his car, in cafes, in your dorm). And as the helpful roommate, you try to wear clothes that would give him easy access all the time.
-🪻 hiiii i misseddd putting req here 🥹🫶
hi again🪻anon🥰 i’ve missed your reqs🥹🫶🏻 oral fixation jake has me weeeaaaaakkkk��💨 I kinda went off the deep end with this one. I couldn’t help myself. this request is so *chefs kiss* and bless kay for helping me with the title for this 🤭😘💍
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taste of you: sim jaeyun
pairing: jake x afab!reader word count: 2.9k
For as long as you’ve known your roommate, he’s always had an oral fixation even before he became your roommate too.
You and Jake attended the same college. You would always pass him in the hallways on Mondays and Wednesdays and have Chemistry with him on Tuesdays and Thursdays. Man always had something in his mouth to chew on.
Gum, the ends of his pens and pencils, the bottle cap to his water bottle, straws from his drinks, the plastic spoons, knives, and forks from lunch, the strings to his hoodie, the plastic on his cup if he didn’t have a straw, and hell, even his fingers if there wasn’t anything else. You could tell just from staring at him across the lecture hall that he had this fixation.
Fate brought the two of you together when you posted an ad on the campus bulletin board about looking for a roommate after your old one moved out. Jake was the first to respond to the ad, and since you already knew him, you disregarded the other applications. Jake was moved in within a week.
His oral fixation was a lot worse than you thought and was tame while on campus. Jake had the same normal habits on the things he chewed but added a few things: his shirt while sitting on the couch watching TV or playing on the PlayStation. The cord to his headset when he played on his PC in his bedroom. The cord to his phone while it charged and he was scrolling through social media. Your fingers, lips, tongue, nipples, and clit.
Crazy, right? It didn’t start that way, his mouth on your body parts. It wasn’t a thought in either of your minds until you came home one afternoon after work and took a shower, not bothering to put a bra on afterward, letting the girls have some time to breathe. So you walked around in your shorts and oversized tee shirt. Jake returned home a couple of hours later from soccer practice, wanting nothing more than a nice shower and a good meal. So you told him to shower and that you’d cook for him. Jake couldn’t hide the smile had, being so happy and lucky you were his roommate.
Jake didn’t even notice you weren’t wearing a bra until you stood from where you sat on the couch, your nipples poking through your white shirt. The hoodie string Jake had in his mouth fell out as his eyes were glued to your chest, watching how grazed your shirt as you walked around the couch and towards the kitchen. Jake quickly jumped up and rushed to the bathroom, slamming the door shut and locking it. Splashing his face with the water of his shower, trying to push the thoughts of your perfect nipples being in his mouth. The way he would bite, lick, and suck on them.
Jake had to lean his body against the cool of the tile wall to get his body temperature down but failed miserably as his thoughts continued to run in his brain. Thinking about the ways your cunt would ride his cock as his mouth worked on your tits. Before Jake knew it his hand was wrapped around his hard cock, biting his lips to keep from moaning as he pumped himself til his cum was dripping down his hand. Jake prayed and prayed that once he was out of the shower you could have put on a bra. Because it’s an asshole move to think about your roommate like that, right? It crosses your boundaries and that’s the last thing Jake wanted to do.
But to his dismay, you still stood in the kitchen…braless. Once you noticed he was out of the shower, you called him over, “Jae, I made pasta for dinner and this cake for dessert. Come try the icing and tell me what you think?”
Jake swallowed, knees weak as he slowly walked over to you. Your long hair was now pulled into a loose ponytail and oh man was it driving Jake up a wall. His eyes wandered everywhere, to your nipples, your earlobes, and the cute spot between your shoulder and neck. His mouth watered as he looked back and forth, wanting to pin you to the kitchen counter and place his mouth all over those parts. His dick was hardening and he was doing everything to try and keep you from noticing.
You got a spoon from the drawer and scooped up some of the icing and held it to his mouth, “Say ahh!” you said cutely, taking notice of the small pink tint on his cheeks as he slowly opened his mouth taking the spoon in.
Jake’s eyes widened as you pulled the spoon away, “Goddamn, YN, this is fantastic!” Jake loved your cooking and baking. It made him even more excited to eat the pasta and have a dessert to look forward to.
You noticed some of the icing was on the edge of his lips, you giggled softly and reached up, “You’re so messy,” you teased him, taking your index finger and sliding it across the edge of his lip.
The moment you touched him it was over. The feeling of your finger on his lips even if it was just the slightest touch sent him into a frenzy, his mouth was opening, head tilting to the side to wrap his lips around your finger, his tongue licking up the icing you wiped away and then sucking on it. His eyes closed tightly as he softly grazed your finger with his teeth. Jake didn’t know what came over him, but the moment he realized what he was doing his eyes shot back open and connected to yours.
You weren’t surprised and showed no sign that it bothered you that he was currently sucking on your finger. Instead, you gave him a small smile, inching your middle finger to his lips. Jake was the surprised one but opened his mouth anyway, letting you slip your middle in with your index.
You always teased Jake about his oral fixation, always giving him some type of hell for chewing up specific things. Like the amount of phone chargers you’ve had to rebuy him, and the amount of headsets Jake had to get replaced from chewing on the cords. The amount of gum packets that lay around the apartment just for him. You found it cute to tease him. And you never knew you wanted your fingers in his mouth until right now. Which is why it didn’t bother you. Honestly, your fingers were better than the cords and other plastic things that would eventually ruin his pretty teeth anyway.
You’d be lying if it didn’t turn you on. Jake was hoping for it, truly. Keeping eye contact with you as he wraps his tongue around your fingers, sucking on them and biting them softly. If you continued to let him chew on your fingers, he was going to lose all control.
“I know you want to do more than just suck on my fingers,” you whispered to him. You already knew he was hard as a rock and your panties were soaking, “Why don’t you take what you actually want?”
Jake didn’t hesitate to pull your fingers from his mouth, his lips attaching to yours and sucking on your bottom lip as his hands slid to your thighs, picked you up, and set you down on the countertop, biting hard on your lip, “Give me your tongue,” he hisses between his grip on your lip and only let go once he saw the muscle slide out of your mouth and taking it in his. Jake was in pure bliss getting his oral fixation off on something other than random small items. His cock twitched hard at it too. It was everything he could have wanted.
As he continued to suck and bite your tongue, his hands slipped under your shirt and slid up, his hands stopping at your tits to rub at your nipples, making them perk up more. You knew Jake was preparing them for his mouth, his skin sending a chill down your spine and goosebumps on your skin, hardening your nipples even more, “fffuuuccckkkk,” he hisses after releasing your tongue from his mouth, dipping down in the same movement of lifting your shirt over your breasts and attaching his mouth to your right nipple as his left hand continued to pinch at your other nipple.
You moaned his name and gripped his shoulders as his tongue flicked your nipple, as his teeth bit down on the sensitive nub and lips wrapped around it to suck. He moved back and forth between the two, not leaving one out. You already knew your cunt was soaking the countertop and you think Jake knew too. Mostly by the way his hands moved to cup your ass and slide underneath you. He let out a groan against your nipple before removing his mouth and scooped you up, quickly turning in the other direction and laying you down on top of the kitchen table. He kissed you again, sucking your bottom lip back into his mouth in the same motion of his fingers looping between your shorts and panties to pull them down.
Jake sank to his knees as your shorts and panties hit the floor, him spreading your legs wide to give him better access to your cunt. His mouth watered at the sight of your sopping pussy, your slit dripping out your hole and onto the table. Fuck it was making him dizzy.
“Fuck you’re so sexy,” he breathes, sticking his tongue out to lick up your hole to your clit, stopping there to take the bud between his teeth and lips. Jake sucked, licked, and bit your clit until you came into his mouth. He didn’t even stop there, no no. He wanted you. Wanted his shower fantasy to come true. So he pulls you from the table and onto the floor with him, quickly removing his sweatpants and boxers and moving you into his lap.
You rode him as his mouth worked on your nipples again, moving between them both and stopping every few minutes to kiss you and suck on your lips. You even shoved your fingers into his mouth a few times as you fucked him. This kept going until you came again and he was cumming deep into your pussy.
It was safe to say you both would have a major mess to clean up in the kitchen. And even have to reheat the pasta.
This was only the start of Jake using you to get his oral fixation in. You gave him full permission to use you as he pleases to get his fix. Jake would be stupid to turn it down.
It benefited both of you, truly. You both had the benefits of this new agreement. He would get his oral fixation and other sexual needs met, you’d also get your sexual needs met on top of saving money from having to replace the items he’d normally chew on.
The only terms were he could only have your fingers and lips in public, but could have everything else in the safe space of your shared apartment, or either of your cars, or if no one else was around.
Again, Jake would be an idiot to turn it down.
He forced you to move to the back of the classroom room with him so he could suck on your fingers during lectures without anyone noticing and anytime he wanted.
You’d sit in his car with him during lunch or before his soccer practice so he could make out with you and get his mouth on your tits.
Then at the apartment? He’d spread your legs.
One of Jake’s requirements was you having to wear specific clothing for him to have easy access to while at the apartment. Loose tee shirts with no bra. Any type of shorts or sweatpants or skirts with no panties underneath.
It truly was a dream come true for Jake. The best roommate he could ask for. This whole dynamic worked for the two of you. Both parties were getting pleasure and their needs met while maintaining a good friendship with each other. It was perfect. So completely perfect.
Your favorite thing was when Jake would return home from his other classes or work and immediately sink down to his knees in front of you saying, “I need your cunt in my mouth right now,” or lifting your shirt off your body instantly and saying, “I need your tits against my tongue.” Or your personal favorite thing he’d say is, “I need you on my cock as I suck on those pretty tits of yours.”
Again, so so so perfect. Yet…
…when it came to matters of your heart, you started to love him. You had your suspicions on whether you were actually gaining feelings or if it was just the sex and the way he’d work his mouth on your body that was making you confused. But your feelings became apparent and so clear to you when one day you lay on the couch, scrolling through TikTok to watch the latest trends when Jake stumbled into the living room. He had a hard time at practice that Saturday morning, beating himself up over not making the winning score during the practice match against another team. Jake slid himself under your arms and just laid his head against your chest and got himself comfy on top of you, making no moves to undress you to get his fix. “I just needed to be close to you right now,” was all he said as he snuggled his face into your breasts and slid his arms underneath you, squeezing you tightly to him. He wasn’t horny or anything, just genuinely wanted to be with you. It took everything to keep your heart from fluttering. From it completely busting out of your chest as he slowly fell asleep on top of you. You were done for. You loved him.
And oh god did Jake fall so hard in love with you too. How could he not? You accepted his oral fixation and even let him get his fix by using your body. Yeah at first it was strictly to get his fix in, the sex just being a bonus, but the more time that passed, the more he fell. He would get so drunk of your scent as he worked his mouth and cock on and in your body. You became his every waking thought and not just in ways to get his oral fixation needs met. He wanted to spend time with you. Take you on dates. Show you off to his friends. Yeah, having a roommate who gave into his oral fixation was such a hard flex. But to call you his girlfriend who also gives into his oral fixation, was an even bigger hard flex. Jake knew he loved you when all he wanted was to be in your arms after his terrible practice that morning.
It took a week later for him to confess.
His cock was buried so deep in your cunt, his mouth biting and sucking on your ear lobe as you screamed out his name loud enough for the neighbors to hear. It was as good of a time as any, Jake thought, what better way to confess his love for you while being balls deep inside you?
“Be mine,” he moans into your ear, detaching his mouth from your lobe and lifting you up from the couch in a swift motion, rolling the two of you into a sitting position with you in his lap. Jake bites at your skin between your neck and shoulders, his hands shoving you down onto him to press his cock even further into your cunt, “be mine, please,” he says between each suck, kiss, and bite at your skin.
You couldn’t believe you heard the words escape his mouth, not knowing if you heard him clearly or not, “What?”
Jake released your skin with a pop, his hands moving to your tits, squeezing them together and giving them a lift up, licking your nipples then biting them softly, “I am in love with you, I can’t stand not actually getting to call you mine,” he sucks one nipple into his mouth, bucking his hips up into you, being so lost in the taste of you, “Be mine. Be my girlfriend.”
Your fingers tangled into his hair as you bounced on his cock, throwing your head back, “Yes,” you moan, “Yes, Jae, yes. I love you too. I’m in love with you too.”
Jake quickly switches the positions again, pressing your body against the coffee table by the couch, fucking into you with everything he had. He kissed you with so much love and want and need. Being so happy he could finally call you his. You finally being more than just his roommate/fuck buddy that gave into his oral fixation.
He bites down on your bottom lip and pulls it as he comes undone, his hips snapping to a stop to press his cock against your cervix hard, his cum filling you whole.
Jake releases your lip and smiles down at you, his eyes wandering to every part of your body he had his mouth on, loving the way his teeth marks look on you. On his girlfriend. Thank god you ended up being such a good roommate.
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— perm taglist: @alvojake @ikeuverse @woniebae @shawnyle @kangnina @jwnghyuns @in-somnias-world @zyvlxqht @aaa-sia @wonniethepoo @addictedtohobi @eneiyri @sparklovespink @skzenhalove @fakeuwus @cherry-park @vousty @ladyartemesia @psh9 @cmoundiamante @enhaverse713586 @wondipity
#yeonzzzn asks#— 🪻anon#jake bby#sim jake#sim jaeyun#sim jake smut#jake x reader#reader x jake#enhypen#enhypen x reader#reader x enhypen#enhypen hard thoughts#enhypen hard hours#enhypen smut#enhypen fanfic#enhypen fanfiction#enhypen imagines#enhypen scenarios#yeonzzzn writing
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୧ ‧₊˚ 💐⋅ ☆ ➛ You bagged that?
Lando Norris x Fem!Actressreader
Summary: Lando has seen everyone of your movies— from tv shows to random videos, he’s just so updated about you in everything it’s crazy, but what’s more crazy is him spreading that you guys are dating.
Genre: SMAU
Fc: Elle Fanning
Note: There are some grammatical errors to look out for!
✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧ ➛ My Masterlist
─────── ─ ✉⋆˚。 ⋆୨୧˚─ ───────
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No.1fFan_ Yn is an actual princess, i love her so much😍
Tagged; @Not_Yn
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Username1 SHE IS THE EPITOME OF ROYALTY 👸🏻
Username2 I love her movies sm🥹
Username3 BESTIE SAME!!
Username4 lando on likes??👀👀
Username5 uhm who?
Username6 some f1 driver whose been liking her for years
Username5 ohhh
Username7 he just likes every pic of hers ig🤷🏻♀️
Username8 I’VE SEEN HER IN PERSON, SHE’S SUPER NICE🥰
Landonorris Lucky😢😢
Username9 DHSHUSUWB LANDO😭
…
Liked by louispatridge_, Landonorris, Netflix and 2,378,901 others
Not_yn I have two sides😚
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Landonorris love all ur sides!
Carlossainz55 Dream on lover boy😝
Landonorris Fuck off
Username10 lmao them fighting in the comments r so iconic
Username11 y/n not even giving a damn😭
Username12 HER BEING SO ETHEREAL IS EVERYTHING
Landonorris I AGREE😫
Username13 not lando being her no.1 fan
Username14 stalker much??
Username15 girl stfu, u do the same
Annehathaway why is ur comment sec always chaotic
Not_yn even I don’t know😭
…
Landonorris just posted!
Liked by mclaren, and 12,378 others
Landonorris so pretty😍
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Username16 THE DELUSION😭
Username17 Y/n didn’t even like this
Username18 A+ for the confidence
Username19 WHY IS NO ONE TALKING ON HOW PRETTY SHE LOOKS
Landonorris real😢
Charles_Leclerc Dude…
Carlossainz55 Man…
Georgerussell63 🤦🏻♂️🤦🏻♂️🤦🏻♂️
Pierregasly Oh brother..
Username20 THEY HAVE MIXED FEELINGS😭
Username21 lmao the whole f1 attacking him
Username22 the whole gang came to shame him
Username23 yn being so unbothered😎
Username24 MY QUEEN FR🥰
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➛ Messages
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Liked by 4,679 others
WAG.updates ACTRESS Y/N L/N WERE SEEN KISSING THE KNOWN F1 DRIVER LANDO NORRIS— The couple have been spotted together a few times already.
Tagged; @Not_yn, @landonorris
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Username25 oh…
Username26 we owe him an apology
Username27 LANDO DESERVES AN APOLOGY FROM ALL😭
Username28 nobody believed the poor man
Landonorris WHAT’S UP NOW BITCHES
Landonorris and they call me crazy🙄
Maxverstappen u still are😑
Landonorris Yeah..crazy right that is🤪🤪
Username29 gaslighting myself that this isn’t true
Username30 Y/n isn’t even in the likes must be fake
Username31 GIRL PLS LANDO ALR COMMENTED
Username30 doesn’t prove anything
…
Liked by Landonorris, urbff, and 5,092,278 others
Not_yn wanted to soft launch but the jig is up
Tagged; @Landonorris
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Landonorris can finally say i love you without being judged😛
Not_yn my poor baby has been so much
Username32 NOOO MY HEART IS FOREVER BROKEN
Username33 welp good bye cruel world
Username34 they lowkey adorable ngl
Landonorris now u ship us🙄🙄
Username34 WE’RE SORRY😭
Charles_Leclerc we stand corrected
Carlossainz55 i know when to say sorry. Sorry
Username35 she’s so pretty💕💕
Landonorris the prettiest😁
Pierregasly aww lover boy
Landonorris fuck off
…
➛ Messages
…
Loved this!!
#imagine#fanfic#oneshot#f1 imagine#f1 x reader#formula 1#formula 1 fanfic#formula 1 imagine#formula 1 x reader#formula 1 x you#formula one#f1 x you#f1 fic#f1 fanfic#lando norris#lando norris x reader#lando norris x you#lando norris x y/n
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Biggest Fan : ̗̀➛ Lando Norris
summary: lando had never expected to fall in love when he was invited to visit psg…that was until he met you
˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚*
liked by oscarpiastri, danielricciardo and 849,302 others
landonorris: pretending to know what I’m doing 😂 thank you psg for inviting me to watch a game tonight - I loved it ⚽️
73,940 comments
username1: new signing when???
username2: I love that he went to watch the women, I heard he even stayed around to meet the players after too
danielricciardo: not you pretending to be good at another sport
landonorris: @/danielricciardo idk what you’re talking about, ronaldo is quaking in his boots 😂
username3: nobody show this photo to manchester united
oscarpiastri: so this is why you refused to have dinner with me tonight 🙄
username4: footballer lando was an aesthetic I did not prepare myself for
georgerussell63: personally very offended you didn’t invite me to come and enjoy this with you
logansargeant: I thought I taught you better than this…this is what we call soccer 🤦🏼♂️
landonorris: @/logansargeant get in the bin 🗑️
username5: I play football too, come and see me play instead 😂
ynusername: thank you for stopping by and seeing us, we had a great time meeting you and learning a bit more about formula 1 ☺️
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liked by ybffusername, jackie_groenen_14 and 482,050 others
ynusername: quick getaway during the winter break ⛷️❤️
39,583 comments
username6: wait what whose the guy
username7: since when has y/n been in the dating game wtf
ybffusername: excuse me missus, you’ve got a lot of explaining to do
grace_geyoro: you said you were going on a solo ski holiday 🙄
ynusername: @/grace_geyoro whoops 💁🏻♀️
landonorris: the question is…are you as good a skier as you are footballer?
ynusername: @/landonorris I’m a woman of many talents 😂
username8: are we watching lando norris shoot his shot with the y/n y/l/n right now
username9: peep how y/n was the only player he followed after visiting psg
username10: can’t be the only thinking they’d make a pretty hot couple 🔥
˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚*
liked by landonorris, danielricciardo and 382,493 others
ynusername: thought I’d repay the favour and see what f1 is really about, thank you for a great day mclaren!! ps am i a papaya girl now?? 🏎️🧡
48,596 comments
mclaren: you’re welcome back anytime y/n 🧡🏎️
username11: how do you look better in papaya than in red and blue 😭
username12: the photo of lando’s garage too 🤔
oscarpiastri: it was lovely to meet you, make sure you come back and visit us soon!!
ynusername: @/oscarpiastri give me a date and time and I’ll be there…I had a blast!!
username13: has lando managed to turn y/n into an f1 girlie?? 😂
landonorris: definitely think you should stick to kicking a football around 😂
ynusername: @/landonorris I’d have been able to drive the car if I didn’t have such a rubbish teacher 👀
username14: something is brewing…trust me
georgerussell63: the mercedes garage is always open fyi 😂
ynusername: @/georgerussell63 lando told me to tell you I’m a mclaren girl now
username15: omg lando told y/n what to say
˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚*
liked by username16, f1source101 and 3,593 others
f1wags: rumour has it around the paddock that y/n and lando aren’t just winning on the pitch and in the car but off them two. our sources have told us that the duo have been spotted throughout the weekend looking very close with each other. maybe not so much friends after all?
695 comments
username17: my heart won’t ha able to take it if these two start dating
username18: officially now my only otp
username19: lando has seemed to be a lot happier recently ☺️
username20: pls don’t break my heart like this lando
username21: they both deserve happiness!! we need confirmation asap
username22: I’ve never shipped two people harder
username23: apparently they were all over each other most of the weekend 🥰
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liked by psg_feminines, oscarpiastri and 439,103 others
ynusername: huge win in lyon tonight, so proud to be part of this time ❤️💙
38,594 comments
psg_feminines: two goals and an assist…you’re our superstar y/n!
username24: yay y/n!! man of the match for sure tonight!
landonorris: huge win!! smashed it legend 💙❤️
ynusername: @/landonorris I didn’t realise you were watching 🥺
landonorris: @/ynusername ofc I never miss a match ⚽️
username25: it’s not fair how one person can look so good on the football field
oscarpiastri: can confirm that lando was glued to the screen for the entire match 😂
ynusername: @/oscarpiastri I’m so sorry you had to sit through it 😬
username26: lando’s so busy and yet he made time to cheer for y/n
username27: can you two just date…forever??
˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚*
liked by landonorris, ybffusername and 593,054 others
ynusername: a well deserved weekend off, with some pretty cool company too 🌊🤍
73,842 comments
username28: LANDO LANDO LANDO AODLDQML
username29: damn I knew it
ybffusername: you’ve got to be kidding me right now omg
username30: my heart has never beated so fast in my life
landonorris: look at you all sunkissed and relaxed 🔥
ynusername: @/landonorris it’s amazing what a holiday - and pretty fun company - can do 🥺
username31: this is everything!!
danielricciardo: I’m guessing my invite just got lost in the post 😔
alex_albon: look at you two 😘☺️
username32: my two favourite people in the world
username33: oh to be on a beach with lando norris
oscarpiastri: make sure you bring him back in one piece y/n
ynusername: @/oscarpiastri 🫡🫡🫡
˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚*
liked by georgerussell63, alex_albon and 583,506 others
ynusername: always an honour to wear the badge of my country, a great weekend of internationals before heading back to paris! merci ⚽️🏆
69,293 comments
landonorris: so glad I could be there to watch 🥺🥰
username34: lando was there that’s so sweet
username35: notice all of lando’s friends in the likes, they adore y/n too
username36: people on social media are saying how loud lando was all night long
username37: @/username36 I was there…he didn’t stop cheering every time y/n touched the ball ☺️
alex_albon: who knew watching football could be so fun 😂
oscarpiastri: even without lando I tuned in…what have you done to me y/n??
ynusername: @/oscarpiastri you’re so sweet, thank you 🥺
username38: y/n has been playing out of this world since she started talking to lando
username39: world cup incoming surely!!
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liked by ynusername, maxverstappen1 and 904,843 others
landonorris: adventuring with my favourite person ❤️💙
104,382 comments
georgerussell63: we get it okay, you’re not single anymore 😂
landonorris: @/georgerussell63 now you know how I’ve felt for all these years
ynusername: I had the best time with you!! thank you for being the best taxi driver 💕
landonorris: @/ynusername it’s an easy job with you as passenger princess
username40: you cannot convince me that these two aren’t just the cutest couple in the world
username41: being driven by lando is the dream, y/n is so lucky damn
danielricciardo: looks like a great adventure!! 🤩
maxverstappen1: love seeing you so happy brother ❤️
username42: wherever they are, I want to go
username43: still managing to get the papaya in too 😂🧡
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liked by psg_feminines, oscarpiastri and 1,392,906 others
landonorris: champions league final ⚽️ so proud of you and the team my love for getting this far - you’re amazing!! 💙❤️
104,593 comments
alex_albon: good luck y/n, we’re rooting for you!!
oscarpiastri: lily is disapproving but I’m watching too, go y/n go!
georgerussell63: cannot wait to see you at the next race with that winners medal round your neck!
danielricciardo: ik nothing about football but hoping you win y/n ❤️
maxverstappen1: just remember to do what I don’t, aim at the goal 😂 you can do it y/n!
lewishamilton: no doubt in you y/n…victory is yours!!
mclaren: everyone at the mtc is rooting for you y/n 🧡����🧡
logansargeant: good luck on the soccer field y/n 🏆
lance_stroll: idk what the champions league is, but judging from your suit I’m guessing it’s serious - good luck y/n
carlossainz55: seeing as madrid aren’t playing I guess I can cheer for psg just for tonight 😂
charles_leclerc: allez y/n allez psg
ynusername: thank you for always supporting me - and everyone else too ❤️💙⚽️
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liked by danielricciardo, landonorris and 593,604 others
ynusername: winning on the field and off the field these days - ily lando 🩷💕
58,704 others
landonorris: if anyone is winning, it’s definitely me 😂 thank you for choosing me 🧡❤️💙
˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚*
˗ˏˋ 𝐌𝐀𝐒𝐓𝐄𝐑𝐋𝐈𝐒𝐓 ! ´ˎ˗
#f1#f1 imagine#formula 1#lando norris#lando norris imagine#formula 1 x reader#f1 x reader#formula 1 imagine#f1 reaction#f1 fanfic#formula 1 fanfic#lando norris smau#lando norris social media#lando norris drabble#lando norris x you#lando norris au#lando norris x reader#formula 1 smau#formula 1 x you#formula 1 social media#formula one imagine#formula 1 fic#formula one#f1 smau
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Hi honey can you do a text with Matt like he likes the reader and the reader likes him but they are to scared to confess and they make really sexual and suggestive comments and jokes to each other ✌🏼 I love you 💋 Matt is kinda subby and like touches himself to her messages imagining it’s real
Love you,🥰
I have a lot of ideas so just let me know if you need any 💋
texts w/ bsf! matt (part 2)
matt sturniolo x reader
warnings: smuttttt, hand job, masturbation, fantasizing
a/n: pls don’t ever stop giving me ideas this ate
previous part !
want me to help ?
any sense of self-control that i had completely left my body when i saw the sentence.
i read it over again and again, trying to figure out whether she was joking or not.
as i let my mind wander, i began to palm myself through my boxers lightly.
i thought about her face, how pretty it would look scrunched up in pleasure, while she chased her orgasm.
suddenly, i felt my phone vibrate in my hand, bringing me back to reality while i began to read the text messages.
i’d spit on the tip and watch you squirm while it dripped down.
“fuck” i sighed out, rubbing myself through the thin material as i imagined her staring up at me, her hands massaging my thighs.
my hips jerked up into the air at the thought, almost as if i could feel her teasing touches.
part of me felt guilty, imagining my best friend’s face inches away from my dick.
but if she didn’t want me to, why would she send a text like that? when we’ve flirted in the past, it was usually all jokes.
but this felt different. maybe it was the morning wood and horny state that i woke up in causing me to misjudge her intentions, or maybe she was teasing me on purpose.
either way, i had no plans of stopping myself from basking in the moment.
besides, if i have my boxers on i’m not technically touching myself to the thought of her…..right ?
i’d give you a few good pumps, squeezing the base and twisting my hand around you.
god, what was she doing ?
i began to apply more pressure to my crotch, pushing and rubbing more and more aggressively.
she was driving me crazy, it’s almost as though she wanted me to drive over to her and fuck the living shit out of her.
and with that thought, i found my mind wandering off again.
i imagined the way she’d scream my name, the way her ass would jiggle while i fucked her from behind while her legs trembled.
then i’d swirl my tongue around the tip teasingly before taking you into my mouth.
she just loved to tease me. i wonder how she’d feel if the roles were reversed.
what would she do if i rubbed my dick against her thighs ? or her stomach ? each time, managing to just miss her pussy ?
would she be a moaning mess under me, whining and crying for me to do something ?
maybe she’d grab my hand, forcing me to pump myself a few times before finally pushing into her.
i’d take every inch of you, deep throating your cock.
i was so lost in my own world, i hadn’t even realized how close i was until i was bucking my hips up into my hand, with quick gasps and curse words flying out of my mouth.
“fuck, fuck, fuck” i whispered out as my hands flew around the sheets, desperately trying to find something to hold onto.
i let out a cry of her name as i came inside of my boxers, forming a wet spot on the light-colored material.
i took in a deep breath, attempting to calm myself when i got another message.
wouldn’t stop until you begged me to.
i’d let you cum all over my face while your legs shook and your body twitched.
i quickly pulled my boxers down, throwing them haphazardly across the room.
my hand immediately flew to my dick, spreading the remains of my orgasm around, making me let out a small whine.
i began to pump myself quickly, imagining how pretty she’d look while thick spurts of my seed flew onto her face.
my eyes were scrunched up, toes curling inward while i pushed through the overwhelming amount of pleasure building inside of me.
soft whimpers fell from my mouth, as the wet sounds of my hand sliding around my dick filled the room.
my head flew back as my phone fell from my hand and onto the bed.
i imagined her on top of me, bracing herself with her hands on my knees as she rode me.
“you wanted me so bad? getting off on my text messages like a little slut? sit there and take it”
“i can’t, it’s too much” i cried out, fisting the sheets as tears pricked at the corner of my eyes.
“you can and you will. take it”
i shook my head vigorously, taking my bottom lip between my teeth. “i can’t-” i started.
she’d loop her fingers into my hair, yanking my head towards her chest.
taking the hint, i’d bring my mouth to one of her tits swirling my tongue around her nipple.
i was ripped out of my fantasy quickly, as my hips began to stutter.
i let out an embarrassingly loud whine as my load spilled out of me, covering my abs and thighs.
my body trembled, muscles contracting and relaxing as the aftershocks ran through me.
“holy shit” i whispered as the reality of the situation hit me.
i just jerked off to my best friend’s text messages.
and that was the hardest i’d ever came before.
i fucked up.
🦋🦋🦋🦋
yayyy double update bc i love you <333
masterlist
tag list: @lustfulslxt @flowerxbunnie @sturnssx @mattslolita @its-jennarose @sophssturn @bernardsleftbootycheek @queen161718 @cupidsword @imwetforyourmom @nickmillersn1gf @mattsneezing @chrisstankyleg @sturniolobltch @bethsturn @bernardenjoyer @mbbsgf @rac00ns-are-c00l4 @ssturniolo @blueeyedbesson @mxqdii @sturniolowhore @readerakayourname @defnotayonna @urmom2bitch @rootbeerworshiper @starsturniolo @hearts4chriss @theyluv-meee @carolinalikesthings @itzdarling @chrisstopherfilmed @judespoision @sstvrnioloo @littlebookworm803 @nicksdrpepper @chrisloyalgf @robins-scoop @fandomhopped @chr1sgirl4life @bbglmfao @55sturn @nicksmainbitch @meg-sturniolo @yamamasjumpercables @vanteguccir @ineedchriscock @junnniiieee07 @breeloveschris @luverboychris
#sturniolo triplets#chris sturniolo#matt sturniolo#nick sturniolo#sturniolo#christopher sturniolo#nicolas sturniolo#sturniolo x reader#sturniolo fanfic#matthew sturniolo x reader#matt sturniolo x you#matt sturniolo imagine#matt sturniolo smut#matt sturniolo x reader#matthew sturniolo#matt#matthew sturniolo texts#matthew sturniolo imagine#matt sturniolo fic#sturniolos#sturniolo smut#the sturniolo triplets#crush
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Claimed
Pairing: Bucky Barnes x female reader (Mob/Mafia AU)-Bookshop setting
Word Count: 3,513
Summary: Bucky has had his eyes on you for a long time and when he finally makes a move to claim you he's delighted at how easily you fall into his waiting arms.
Author's Note: Seb's new looks have just been so yummy, especially him in a bow tie. I LOVE! The look in the pic below is the end result of the story🫠It isn't really focused too much on his mob status but it's there and I couldn't resist a little bookshop AU in there too! Thank you all so much for reading! Much love always! ❤️❤️❤️Divider by the lovely @firefly-graphics thank you Daisy! 🥰
Warnings: flirting, tension, Bucky is pretty forward/dom and doesn't mince words- he goes for what he wants-light d-irty talk, fing-er-ing, o-ral (f rec), but he's sweet too :)
Your steps are slow and easy as you stroll through the aisle, perusing the titles and letting your fingers delicately slide across the bindings.
When you find one of interest you pull it from the shelf and before you read even one word you press the aged pages to your nose and inhale deeply.
The sound of a light chuckle pulls you from your aromatic reverie and you look up with a start, catching a man watching you with a lopsided smirk.
He nods a hello before disappearing down the next aisle. You stare at the space he just vacated and feel your skin heat.
Was he really that handsome or are you still recovering from the exquisite smell of the pages of the book? Only one way to find out.
With quiet movements you slip past the end of the fiction section and turn the corner, peeking around the next bookshelf. All you see is a young woman searching through the books.
Denying your disappointment you continue down the aisle but slow when you feel the weight of eyes at your back. Instead of turning around and looking too obvious you quickly glance over your shoulder and see the mystery man once again watching you.
He looks even more handsome than he did two minutes ago.
You almost walk into the woman who’s browsing and give her a startled apology before rushing off to hide in the rare book section.
Letting out a rush of breath you clutch a book to your chest and refocus on your surroundings.
“This is my favorite section.”
You spin on a gasp and blink.
“Excuse me?” you say quietly.
“This section,” he says again, “it’s my favorite. I love old books.”
“Oh,” you answer, backing away as he steps closer.
He stops advancing and looks at the shelf, studying the bindings until he finds one that interests him.
“Mine too,” you concede softly. “And they smell amazing.”
“As good as the books in the fiction section?” he asks, eyes dancing with amusement.
You let out a light huff of laughter, feeling warm embarrassment creep over your skin.
“Better,” you finally answer.
“I’d have to agree with you there,” he says before lifting the book he holds to his face and inhaling.
You can’t stop your small intake of air as you watch him savor the smell of the pages.
“So, do you come here often?” he asks, casting his gaze down to the words.
You let his question hang in the air as you take a moment to really look him over. His soft sweater does nothing to hide his broad shoulders and powerful build and his dark hair and beard frame a beautifully sculpted jaw.
Then he lifts his eyes, directing his steady gaze on you, and your breath catches in your throat.
“Um…I do. It’s my favorite book store. I can’t afford any of these books,” you say as you motion to the titles nearby, “but no one seems to mind that I come and spend the afternoon reading them.”
“I don’t see why anyone would,” he replies.
He places the book back on the shelf and slides his hands into his pants pockets, attempting another step closer.
This time you don’t move away and he smiles.
“I have quite the collection myself,” he informs you. “You should come see it.”
“Are you a collector?” you ask.
“Something like that doll.”
You school your features at the sound of the endearment falling from his perfect lips and smile.
He extends his hand.
“James Barnes. But you can call me Bucky.”
“Hi Bucky.”
You give him your name and he takes your hand in his, bringing it to his mouth and lightly brushing his lips across your knuckles before kissing them.
As you stare at him through your lashes his lips linger and he seems unwilling to let go of your hand.
“I mean it you know. You’re welcome to come see my collection…anytime.”
He slowly releases your hand with a wink then turns on his heel toward the doorway.
“But…,” you start, not even sure why you’re calling after him to ask your next question, “how will I find you?”
He turns to face you, his eyes set with determination, and says, “don’t worry doll face. We’ll be seeing each other again very soon.”
With those parting words he vanishes into the maze of books, leaving you caught between feeling frazzled and turned on.
After several days of warm sunshine it finally ends in a wash of chilly rain and wind. But you’re warm and cozy in the back of the bookshop, curled up on one of the old leather chairs by the window, reading by the soft light of an antique tiffany lamp.
You’re so engrossed in your book that it takes you several minutes to recognize the familiar feeling of his stare and when you look up you find Bucky leaning against a nearby bookshelf, his arms crossed, watching you.
He looks just as good as he did the last time you saw him and you realize you’re staring back.
“Hey,” you whisper, clearing your throat.
“You must really be enjoying that book,” he says, a smirk pulling at his lips.
“I am. Have you read it?”
“Not this one,” he says as he steps closer and reads the title.
His nearness draws all of your attention from the book and for the first time you take notice of the small patches of gray hair that line his beard.
“It’s worth a read,” you tell him when your eyes meet his again.
“I’ll definitely check it out doll. I’m currently reading the first edition of ‘The Canterbury Tales’ by Geo…”
“Geoffery Chaucer,” you finish in a rushed breath. “Oh my god. You have a first edition!?”
Your eyes go wide with shock as you silently contemplate how much money that must have cost him.
“But…but…”
“I told you doll face, the old and rare books are my favorite.”
“I haven’t read that one yet but it’s on my list.”
“Well you’re welcome to my copy when I’m done,” he says, smiling widely when your mouth opens in shock. “But I have to warn you that when it comes to such treasures I’m a slow reader. There are some things I like to take my time with.”
As the last sentence leaves his mouth he unabashedly lets his eyes sweep over you. When your head dips to your book under his obvious perusal he presses his fingers under your chin to lift your gaze.
“Can I get you a coffee?”
“A coffee?” you repeat, all rational thought leaving your brain at the feel of his touch.
“They just put a fresh pot on up front.”
“Oh, right. That would be great thank you, let me just get my wallet.”
“No doll. I’ll pay.”
“Well, I don’t mind at all…”
“And I do,” he says definitively. “I offered and I’ll pay.”
“Thanks,” you whisper.
When he returns with two steaming cups of coffee you sigh in contentment.
“Are you always this much of a gentleman to the women you meet in bookshops?”
You ask the question with a playful smile but when his expression doesn’t match yours you instantly regret opening your mouth, your smile wavering.
“Despite my offering, I’m having a very difficult time remembering to be a gentleman around you doll.”
“Well maybe I shouldn’t be accepting this coffee then.”
Even though your voice is little more than a whisper you make no move to give him back the drink and instead you lean in closer.
“Maybe you shouldn’t,” he murmurs.
Your breathing accelerates before you take a slow sip of the coffee.
“And maybe I like the coffee too much to give it back.”
“I just warned you that I’m having a difficult time being a gentleman. Are you provoking me doll?”
Your tongue darts out to trace the outline of your lips, the taste of coffee still lingering. “Is that what I’m doing?”
His eyes track the movement and he rubs the pad of his thumb across your bottom lip, looking pleased when you inhale sharply but don’t pull away.
“Let me be clear here doll, since it seems like you enjoy playing this little game with me. I want you underneath me in my bed. I want to be buried so deep inside you that you’ll feel me for days. And I want to mark you so every other man who walks this Earth knows you’re mine.”
Your eyes widen with every word he utters and you feel goosebumps crawl over your skin when he tilts his head and moves closer until his warm breath fans your cheek.
“I just want to be up-front with you. Enjoy the coffee.”
He forces himself away, removing his hand and stepping back. And once again leaves with nothing more that the sound of his retreating footsteps.
Life keeps you busy for the next two days but Bucky’s words are ever present, practically burned into your skin. So when you step back into the bookshop on Saturday evening you take solace in the familiar smells and sounds.
You wave hello to the barista and cashier, noticing their slight mischievous smiles as you pass by. You’re about to ask them what’s going on but then you see him and you know. Even among the shelves of beautiful books and warm lighting he stands out, his eyes boring into you.
The way he stands exudes a quiet confidence and a slow roll of heat eases it’s way through you when his unwavering stare moves over every inch of you.
Lifting your chin you hold his gaze and take your time getting your own eyeful. His button-down shirt is fitted just right with the top buttons open to reveal a gold chain and his long legs are clad in dark jeans.
He looks dangerous and sexy. And pissed.
You move toward him undeterred until you’re close enough to feel the heat radiating off him.
“Are you here to give me more warnings?” you ask.
He keeps his gaze locked on you and licks his lips.
“No. I think I was perfectly clear the first-time doll.”
“Is something bothering you, Bucky?”
“Where have you been?”
You would laugh at his nonresponse if your irritation weren’t growing hotter by the second.
“I’ve been busy. You know…work, errands…life.”
“I’ve missed you.”
You’re taken aback by his blunt and unexpected answer and can’t find the words to respond.
“I was afraid you didn’t want to see me again after what I said.”
You think back on his words for only the millionth time since he said them. An involuntary shiver runs down your spine at the memory.
“Did you get me a coffee today?”
His eyes light up in victory before he reaches behind him and hands you a cup, the drink prepared just how you like it.
For the next couple of hours the two of you browse the bookshop, spending the majority of your time in the rare section pouring over the titles in excitement and awe. You ask about his work and how he gathered his collection of rare books. He’s vague but polite with his answers, focusing most of his attention on you.
While you do most of the talking Bucky listens contentedly and intently, his constant regard slowly building and burning a hole through your enthused focus.
After a bit, it’s difficult to concentrate on anything else but him and you start to become more aware of how your body shifts closer to his, shoulders pressed together, heads close and your hand reaching out to graze his bicep.
Finally, the bookshop employees begin to let customers know they are going to close. You reluctantly put your current read back on the shelf and turn to Bucky.
“Guess it’s time to go,” you say quietly.
“I’ll drive you home doll.”
“No, no. That’s ok. I can take the train.”
“I insist,” he answers, stepping into your space and crowding you against the shelf.
“Ok,” you breathe out. “Thanks.”
His eyes drop to your lips and his hands hover at your waist, his fingertips just brushing the fabric of your shirt when the barista comes by and ushers you out.
With a release of breath you skirt past Bucky and grab your bag, heading for the exit.
Wordlessly, he holds the door of his car open for you, allowing you minimal space to edge by him into the passenger seat.
He breaks the silence with the same question floating around in your own head.
“Am I taking to you home or are you coming to my place to see my collection of books.”
“It’s late but…”
“But?”
“I would love to see them.”
“But you’re still thinking about what I said the other day, aren’t you?”
“Maybe.”
When you don’t say anything more or give him your address he drives in the opposite direction of your apartment. You contemplate your sanity the whole ride there but you’re too far gone to even want to tell him to turn around and bring you home.
His brownstone is gorgeous. Everything from the ornate edifice of the building to the classic tile in foyer exudes luxury and when you step inside the actual space you have to cover your mouth to stop any sound from escaping.
“I’m glad you like it doll,” he says from behind you, his chest brushing your back.
His lips meet the shell of your ear in a whisper. “I can give you a tour if you like or I can give you what you really want first.”
You turn to face him, his gravelly tone bringing several other things into focus. His cheeks are lightly flushed and his breathing has roughened. You sway closer and he runs his finger along your arm.
“The books…?” you question weakly.
“They’re not going anywhere,” he assures you as his fingertips trace your jaw.
“You don’t even have my phone number,” you continue. “We haven’t even been on a date yet!”
He starts to walk, pushing you slowly backward until you enter another room. Without taking his eyes off you he flicks a switch on the wall and the space is bathed in a soft glow, illuminating the ceiling high shelves of dark wood that line every wall. Every space is filled with books.
Your eyes wander for mere seconds before he grabs your chin and directs your gaze back to his.
“I think our bookshop encounters can be considered dates, don’t you?” he says softly.
Just before your back hits one of the shelves his large hand cradles your body, gently pressing you into the books. He leans closer, moving his hands to rest on either side of your head.
“Maybe…”
“Do you ever have an answer other than ‘maybe’?” he asks.
Your lips part to speak but he stops you with the brush of his mouth. “Don’t. Say. Maybe.”
Even though your last two meetings were charged with tension, this is the first time he’s really touching you and it sends shock waves through your entire body.
You breathe out a strangled ‘yes’ and arch into him, inviting more of his touch.
His mouth comes down on yours hard and hungry and the initial contact steals your breath. When you slide your hands over his chest and up to his shoulders, digging your nails into his skin, he groans and pushes you against the shelf.
You break contact with his mouth, gasping at the hardness pressing against your stomach.
“I’ve been like this since the moment I saw you,” he growls. “Do you know what that’s been like?”
He doesn’t give you a chance to answer as his mouth moves to your neck and sucks the sensitive spot underneath your ear, causing you to whimper his name.
Your head rolls to the side, begging for more and you let out a sound of frustration when he rocks his hips and keeps his mouth hovering along your skin.
“Is this what you want?” he murmurs with another grind of his hips.
Your fingers slide into his hair, raking through the soft strands as your breath catches on a gasp.
“Answer me, doll,” he demands.
“Yes. Yes Bucky. I want it.”
His hands leave your body and grip the edge of the shelf behind you. He dips his head, trailing kisses upward along your neck until he meets your earlobe, growling low.
“You’re going to spread these pretty legs for me doll and I’m going to bury my face between them.”
His tone warns you not to protest and with a strangled breath you do as you’re told, your head thumping back against the books when he slides his hand down your stomach.
“Eyes on me doll.”
You look down as he slips his hand inside your leggings, slowly peeling them, along with your panties down to your ankles.
He finds your swollen clit and circles it with teasing strokes, giving you one last hard look before his tongue flattens and he tastes you from top to bottom.
You’re already so close and when he pushes a finger inside you your eyes start to glaze over, your hips rocking rhythmically onto his hand and face.
When he pushes a second finger inside you it sends you over the edge, his tongue working you until your legs are shaking and you’re chanting his name.
“Fuck doll. You coming apart for me is the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen.”
You start to slump forward, your breathing still ragged and he runs a soft hand along your hip, holding you steady and biting gently into your skin with his fingers.
“I’m going to make you come over and over again,” he whispers as he stands and takes you in his arms, his lips caressing the shell of your ear. “With my fingers, my mouth, my cock.”
“Yes. Please,” you whimper.
He presses closer, his lips teasing along your jaw until your eyes meet. “But first we’re going to have a proper date.”
Your lips part with your objection and you’re ready to beg him for more but he presses a finger to your lips, smiling when you instantly quiet.
“If I get inside you now I’ll never be able to leave and I don’t have enough time tonight to worship you. I have business to deal with.”
Your eyes drop to his mouth and your fingers climb up his chest.
“Ok,” you say, still breathless.
“You’re going to be my date for an auction event I have to attend tomorrow night…and then afterwards we’ll have the rest of the night. And the next morning…all day. You’ll be all mine.”
You nod, unable to find your voice again but squirm against him in desperation, your body still craving more.
“Sweet fucking hell, doll,” he hisses. “Don’t make me rush this.”
He grabs your waist so you stop moving, his eyes wandering over your face before he captures your lips in a kiss.
When he releases your mouth the set of his jaw is rigid and his fingers dig deeper into your skin.
“Tomorrow,” he murmurs. “Be ready by five.”
You stare at yourself in the mirror, smoothing your hands over your dress for the tenth time. Before leaving Bucky’s apartment you had exchanged numbers and several more kisses then he walked you to your door, wasting no time reminding you of his promises for tonight.
Your pulse quickens as his words threaten to consume you and you wonder how you’ll ever make it through the next few hours without throwing yourself at him. His touch was like nothing else you’d experienced. Not one of his movements were wasted and his objective was clear. He was going to absolutely ruin you. And you were ready.
The light knock on your door startles you but you check the clock and see he’s right on time.
“You’re punctual,” you say as you open the door.
He looks amazing and have to bite your lip to stop your satisfied moan.
“And you’re fucking stunning,” he says as his eyes rake over every inch of you.
He continues staring and steps inside.
“Do you plan on looking at me like that all night?” you ask.
“Like what?” he replies as he reaches out for you.
“Like you need to devour me.”
“It’s all I want,” he growls, sliding his hand along the curve of your back to bring you closer.
“Do we really need to go to this auction?” you purr against his lips.
His fingers splay against your back and he brushes his nose to yours. “I do doll face, but if you need my hand between your legs first, all you have to do is ask me.”
Before you can form the words for a weak protest, his hand dips between your bodies and starts to lift the hem of your dress.
“Say it doll. I want to hear you say the words."
“Please Bucky,” you gasp. “Give me your fingers. I need your fingers.”
@randomfandompenguin @hiddles-rose @lizette50 @blackwidownat2814 @buckysdollforlife @littleseasiren @goldylions @kmc1989
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