#give me peace is an extremely important line to remember in the context of what is to come

[spider-xan]

I just posted a re-writing with notes of Van Helsing's long speech about why he needs to wait for Arthur before staking Lucy if anyone needs it, but as there's also confusion about his explanation of how vampire!Lucy works, I'm going to try and do a simplified version of that part of the entry too.

This is the original version in the text:

Here, there is one thing which is different from all recorded; here is some dual life that is not as the common. She was bitten by the vampire when she was in a trance, sleep-walking—oh, you start; you do not know that, friend John, but you shall know it all later—and in trance could he best come to take more blood. In trance she died, and in trance she is Un-Dead, too. So it is that she differ from all other. Usually when the Un-Dead sleep at home"—as he spoke he made a comprehensive sweep of his arm to designate what to a vampire was "home"—"their face show what they are, but this so sweet that was when she not Un-Dead she go back to the nothings of the common dead. There is no malign there, see, and so it make hard that I must kill her in her sleep.

And this is my attempt at a simplified paraphrasing, with a few notes for context:

What's going on with Lucy the vampire is unusual for vampires, based on my research. She was bitten while she was in a sleep-walking trance, and her being in this trance was the easiest way for Dracula to feed on her. Since she died and was bitten while in a trance while alive, her undead vampire form also behaves as if she was sleep-walking in a trance, which is different from other vampires. Usually, when vampires are asleep in their tombs, the looks on their faces show their true, evil nature as vampires. (Note: Remember Jonathan's reaction to seeing Dracula in his coffin?) But Lucy was so sweet in life that when she is undead-sleeping in her coffin and not running around as a vampire, she looks as normal and harmless as a regular dead person. She looks so kind and sweet instead of evil when she's just lying in her coffin that it makes it very difficult to kill her while she's just resting.

The short version is that Van Helsing finds it difficult to do violence against Lucy's vampire body while she is resting peacefully in her tomb during the day bc she looks just like her sweet and kind self while she was alive and sleeping, just as a corpse now, so it feels less like destroying an undead monster and more like harming and desecrating the real Lucy from before she was turned, and whom he still cares about. And Lucy the vampire also operates as if she is still sleep-walking in a trance, compared to how the usual vampire moves and acts with purpose and agency, like Dracula himself.

At this point, it's also very important to note and remember Lucy's lack of agency as a vampire, in contrast to how her last moment of agency while alive and herself was to tell Van Helsing not only to protect Arthur, but to, quote, 'Give me peace', and what that means in the context of what she has become and may do if she continues to wander the earth as a vampire, along with her soul being unable to enter heaven right now.

[another-sonic-blog]

any advice to write Silver or Shadow?? Shadow it's the most difficult for me to write D:

Disclaimer: I am not a professional writer, but I wrote this with the few fanfiction experiences that I have as well that all of this is based off MY interpretation of Shadow’s character.

I am not going to lie Shadow the Hedgehog is hard to write. Mostly because you won’t have much canon content to work with. Or at least, there’s not canon content that portrays the REAL Shadow the Hedgehog (Besides Sonic 06 and SA2). If you are going to write Shadow then you are going to write it solely based on character interpretation mostly. There’s something I most say, there is a CONNECTION between Shadow and Silver (There’s a connection with Sonic as well, but we won’t talk about that right now). If you think these two hedgehogs are nothing alike … then let me tell you, they are actually very similarly written.  

Before we go into writing tips, it’s important to analyze the character at hand.

Let’s shortly analyze the character.

Alright, let’s talk about Shadow the Hedgehog

           Shadow’s character has constantly been mis-written throughout the years. Even in the recent IDW Sonic comics, the current writer didn’t do his character justice. The best interpretation that we have of his character is in Sonic 06. (SEGA may have failed to write a coherent plot story but they did great in Shadow’s character and portraying Silver’s character, but will talk about later) There’s a lot into Shadow’s character but to make things simple, I’ll say that there are 3 main traits that make up Shadow’s character (And a few other sub-traits that don’t show up often as well but they are there). First off, Let’s get rid of the idea that Shadow is an ‘edgy’ character. He is not.

So, if Shadow is not edgy? Who is Shadow the Hedgehog? Shadow is this …

1.     Determined. This may seem as a simple asset, but it really it is not. The Shadow that we see in Sonic 06 is not the same Shadow from SA2 or Shadow the Hedgehog’s game. After all the turmoil he went through, Shadow still wants to save the world and play an anti-hero character … But, why? After his tragic and complicated past … Wouldn’t he want to disappear and live a peaceful life? Why doesn’t he want to? Simple … He cares for others. (We will talk about this into more detail later) He cares for the world and the friends he made. He cares for Team Dark. He wants to keep saving the world because HE WANTS TO. Not because of a promise, not because of Maria, not because he was created to protect earth. In Shadow’s game, it was shown clearly that Shadow let go of his past and was born a new. If there’s something we all can agree on is that Shadow is the depiction of ‘Determination’ because even when the whole world is against him, he will still fight.  

If you are going to write his character, then this is an asset you for sure need to include and keep in mind when writing him.  He is determined and he cares.

2.  Insecure.  Although I really dislike how Sonic brought up Shadow’s past and even dared to compared Shadow to Eggman, the author did something good. He portrayed Shadow’s insecurities. Shadow has made ALOT of mistakes in the past. He had messed up again and again till the point in which he is insecure about the decisions his takes. We can see 2 things in these panels.  

1.     Shadow regrets and recognizes his past mistakes.

2.      Shadow is extremely insecure. (Which is really ironic because of his determination but we will speak about that later)

Alright, so what is there to insecurity? There is a lot actually, Sonic knows that Shadow is determined and he would do anything in order to accomplish his goals. Nothing will stop him, so the blue blur used Shadow’s insecurity against him to get what he wants. Shadow lets Sonic get into his head leaving the faith of the world on Sonic’s hands. Because unlike him, Sonic is a hero, Sonic has never done anything bad. Sonic always makes the right choices … unlike Shadow, Sonic was never evil.

He came to the realization that no matter what he chooses, he is going to be wrong.  If he ‘kills’ Eggman and it turns out that he was good, then that would be another mistake. If he lets Eggman go around freely and it turns out that he was evil, then that would be another mistake. In reality, no matter what he choses he would blame himself for whatever the outcome is. The only difference is that he can blame Sonic along with himself as well.

So, we see that Shadow’s insecurities can easily be manipulated by others. Thus, making him do whatever other people pleases.

This is character flaw that plays extremely well with determination, only if written correctly. It is hard to do but it is possible. I’ll talk about that in a few.

3. Caring. One of the best things to came out of Sonic 06 was Shadow’s interaction with Team Dark. Can you see how betrayed Shadow looks when Omega tells him that he would be the one to persecute him? How he says he will remember Rouge will stay by his side no matter what? Like I mentioned before, Shadow the Hedgehog cares for them and he is loyal to them to death. As you can see, he didn’t say anything to Omega nor plans anything against him even if in the future they become enemies. He may not show it often but the bond that he has with Team Dark is the main reason why he wakes up and saves the world from disaster. As well as that he cares for everyone living on it.

So, now that we know his main traits … Determination, insecure and caring … What do we get? Shadow the Hedgehog. These are traits that are hard to write and that’s what is so appealing to this character. One single mistake and you can mess up the whole character. So, here is the question. How can we be determined and be insecure at the same time? Don’t you need to be confident about yourself in order to be determined? Not really and here is why.

           If you are insecure but you really care for others, then you are determined to protect them no matter the cost. It doesn’t matter if you will regret your decisions later, as long as the people you care about are safe.

Shadow’s blind loyalty is double edge sword. We can see in SA2 that Shadow is completely determined to blow up a planet because that was what ‘supposedly’ Maria wanted.

“Besides, there’s no way to save anyone.”

           This can imply a lot of things. I may be overthinking it but to me, this sentence revealed something about Shadow’s character. Before Amy arrived to ask for help, we find Shadow looking at the Earth, really REFLECTING for a long time. There was a part of Shadow who DID NOT WANT TO DESTROY EARTH.  The boy probably actually NEVER wanted to destroy Earth.

“That is the only thing that matters to me now.”

           Shadow really didn’t care if he was the real Shadow or not. Shadow is so loyal and he CARED so much for Maria that he puts his insecurities a side (Yes, he has insecurities even here. He is about to blow up a planet, of course he is insecure the boy doesn’t even remember fully who he is and he actually doesn’t want to destroy earth.) His determined side takes over and we can see that he would do ANYTHING, overcome his insecurities (even if it will haunt him later on) and destroy planets just because he really does CARES for others.

With this said, I think you will understand now why writing Shadow the Hedgehog is difficult. He is a complicated character and it is supposed to be so. How can you show that a quiet character cares without it being ‘out of character?’ How can you write a determined character without it being prepotent? How can you show that a character is insecure without making him look weak?

There is clearly a balance and it’s your job as a writer to create such balance.

So, I will pint point SEGA current and past ‘mistakes’ while writing Shadow the Hedgehog.

They want to highlight Shadow’s determination SO MUCH that he comes out as prepotent, arrogant, cocky, egocentric, etc. It just seems that they can’t get the balance right in this one. Let’s take for example this: 

“I don’t run.”

           So, Sonic IDW. Everyone hated this, calling Shadow a clown and such. Let’s take it into context. Shadow is stopping an army of Zombots to give time for a truck full of Mobians to escape. If you think about it Shadow sacrificed himself so the others could run away safely. That’s actually not bad, it’s a very Shadow thing to do. This panel had so much POTENTIAL to highlight Shadow’s personality but the writer failed to compliment one important element and that is to add Shadow’s caring side.

           The writer preferred to highlight Shadow and Sonic’s rivalry (which honestly is non-existent at this point). He wanted to show just how ‘determined’ Shadow was to prove that he is better than Sonic. However, it just came out as plain clownery. It made it seem that Shadow only cared to prove how ultimate he was instead of caring for the situation at hand.  The whole story could have been saved if Shadow had said something along the lines of: “If I don’t stop the Zombots everyone is going to get infected … Rouge and Omega, everyone … I can’t let that happen I am going to stop them no matter what!”

           That short dialogue alone showed two things, Shadow’s determination and that he cares for others. The author did show Shadow’s insecurity as to how surprised he was when he found out that he was infected. However, it came out short because once again his ‘overly determined’ side showed up.

Like I said before, this panel had potential to show Shadow’s personality. The writer really wanted to highlight Shadow’s three main traits but it wasn’t well balanced and it came out as another bad written Shadow the Hedgehog.

Before we continue, I want to say that I am not writing this to talk bad about Ian Flynn. He has written the other Sonic characters pretty decently, and it bothers me more how he wrote Sonic recently (but that’s another talk for another time) I understand why Shadow is hard to write and that’s why I don’t get as upset when people sometimes wrongly write him.  It honestly just shows how complex this character is.

So, now that we know that SEGA’S main problem is the unbalanced systematic writing of Shadow the Hedgehog, let’s jump into trying to keep on ‘character.’

Now, here are some basic tips.

1.     Remember Shadow top three traits. He is determined, he cares and he is insecure.

When writing him, always try to think of these traits. Shadow is composed of so much more but including more traits would be complicated to write about and many of your readers may not follow along as well. Especially if you starting to write. Even professional writers have problems writing him, so don’t put too much pressure on you. Ask yourself the following questions: “Why is Shadow doing this? Does this correctly highlight one of his main traits? Am I adding this to put more meaning to the story or the character?

2.     One of the main reasons why SEGA has such a hard time writing Shadow is because there has been so many writers throughout the years who wrote character. Everyone has different character interpretations. Although this is not wrong, having different character interpretations in writing is wrong when there is a CONTINUITY. Which is why most of the times Sonic game’s stories aren’t that great. Let’s talk for instance … Sonic has always being a good character throughout the whole games and then suddenly he is bad. Weird, right? It just doesn’t seem right. This is what happens to Shadow in every single game, his character has been interpreted in so many ways that at this point it Shadow is a really messed up character. So, my tip for this is to be consistent. You are going to be the only one writing your story, so don’t be influenced by other writers and suddenly writer Shadow in another way.

3.   �� The game Shadow the Hedgehog really tried to incorporate something about Shadow. That depending on the circumstances, Shadow would react differently. He is a very dynamic character and you never really know how he will react. Allow Shadow to experience many things. For him to experience unknown things and feelings because only that way the REAL Shadow the Hedgehog would come into light. Write stances that are unknown to him. He is at G.U.N. and others are trying to make friends with him? If he likes someone how would he react? What kind of activities would he do for fun? I cannot stress enough how important it is for your character to interact with other characters and for them to experience new things. Explore all of these!

This turned out longer than I expected, and I am actually missing so much more information I want to add but I don’t want to make this too long. Sorry for any writing mistakes, I wrote this on the go lol. I’ll write some tips on how to write Silver tomorrow. For now, I hope this helps you understand a little bit more of Shadow’s character and why he is hard to write but don’t worry! The more your write, the better you get.  I’ll give you some Silver tips soon, and explain how he is connected with Shadow’s character.

Thank you for the ask!

[pisceanofinterest]

Calanthe and Eist’s Birth Charts

okay so because I’m a fucking nerd I decided to spend upwards of 6 hours a couple of weeks ago making birth charts for Calanthe and Eist, and I figured that I’d share them here since I put so much fucking work into them. 

Good to note that all of these traits are heavily influenced by @marvellouslymadmim ‘s incredible fics....

I’ve also taken the liberty to give them birthdays bahaha, and I didn’t do houses because that would have taken me an extra 10 hours so this is just the planets. It’s long so read below cut :)

Calanthe, December 23, 1218 (Sun- Mars + Rising placements)

Sun in Capricorn: center of self, other traits mix with this

Meticulous, dead-pan, practical, they get shit DONE son, very self-assured, sarcastic, need structure or they will literally fall apart (and they often do.. Although secretly), resourceful, intelligent, blunt… need I say more

Moon in Aquarius: rules emotions, moods, feelings

Observant, oftentimes considered “loners,” powerful defense mechanisms, willful, wil deny “irrational” emotions (jealousy, possessiveness, fear) in order to seem “above” others, independent, thrive off of “shock-value,” proud, don’t like “messy” emotions, can seem incredibly distant to the people closest to them, hide sensitivities very well, unpredictable, stubborn, and incredibly seductive and charming

Ascendent in Leo: the “mask” you wear, public persona

GREAT hair, cares about appearance (not necessarily out of vanity but out of an understanding that appearance can be a weapon), aware of how they are perceived, very tender and gentle with loved ones, say exactly what they think, enjoy being the center of attention… but ONLY when they choose to be

Mercury in Scorpio: planet of communication

meticulous→ gets to the bottom of EVERYTHING, great observers, suspicious, tend to focus on the negative, passionate, prone to lecturing rather than listening, however they are excellent at giving advice, better communicators when it comes to subjects that are not close to home→ have a hard time communicating needs/feelings, excellent strategizers, constructive criticism = destructive criticism (they will rip you to shreds), want to WIN conversations (and often do), defensive of people they care about, love a challenge

Venus in Pisces: planet of love and relationships

In love they are dreamy and soft, can be a little moody and irregular, hard to read, like to “feel things out” (HATE decision making), can take YEARS to commit to something/someone, want partners to know that their love is unconditional, like to save people, tender and affectionate, oftentimes hard to reach, flippant, absolutely devoted (eventually)

Mars in Scorpio: planet of sex and aggression

Lovesssss a challenge→ like to set personal goals to see if they can meet them/ bend the rules, formidable opponents, hard to read, high sexual stamina, generally get what they want in bed (ahem), possessive of partners (but will never admit it), can have a hard time compromising, great survival instincts, very protective people, show love through physical touch and sex, extrememly passionate individuals

Eist, June 26, 1219 (Sun-Mars + Rising)

Sun in Cancer: center of self

Protective, caring, nurturing, moody, led by emotions, good at hiding vulnerability but are VERY VULNERABLE, soft, self-sacrificing

Moon in Taurus: rules emotions, moods, feelings

Cherish familiarity, strong-willed, sensory, materialistic, persevering (sometimes to a fault), crave stability and often ARE that stability for others, very romantic, affectionate, sentimental, warm, enduring, hold on tight to their loved ones, loyal, serene, stubborn af, crave routine, need clear lines and boundaries

Ascendant in Pisces: “mask,” public persona, physical appearance 

Very very dreamy (and often have dreamy eyes), idealistic, go with the flow, gentle, peacemakers and peace lovers, chameleon- like persona (often can change easily to blend in with their environments socially and emotionally), can be shy or quiet but that’s because they are taking time to observe everything around them, however they loveeee to talk when the time is right, restless and searching, “feel their way through life,” rely heavily on emotions, irresistible charm, soft aura, very likeable

Mercury in Cancer: planet of communication

Communicate through feelings, sensitive, deep thinkers, can take time to respond to situations, excellent listeners, meditative and reflective, incredible memories (especially good at remembering emotional context), has a hard time letting emotions go, gentle, intuitive, sentimental, protective, soothing, nurturing, can get “lost” in another person’s way of thinking/feeling, very good with words (especially along the lines of letter writing and poetry)

Venus in Cancer: planet of love and relationships

Need commitment and predictability, sensitive, need security and care, pay more attention to their partner’s feelings than their words, excellent listeners, can be incredibly moody (especially if they don’t have an outlet for their stronger emotions), hate indifference (like indifference could literally kill them… so don’t do that), not afraid of confronting emotions, a bit anxious in love→ need reassurance, can be possessive, sentimental, tender, attached, cuddly, soft

Mars in Taurus: planet of sex and aggression

Calm and easy going, can have powerful tempers when pushed over the edge (but it doesn’t happen often), value strength and stability, need security, will spend years trying to achieve a goal, will not change their mind (like ever… well almost), immovable, extremely sensory when it comes to sex, long lasting and steady sexual stamina, not necessarily spontaneous but they stick to what they’re good at, very emotionally connected to sex (it’s never just physical)

Shared Placements (Jupiter-Pluto)

Jupiter in Scorpio: Jupiter represents the traits that bring us fortune

Incredibly emotional (but secretive about it), decisive, intense, have great will power, intuitive, creative, in control

Cal and Eist are both emotionally intelligent. They are seekers of truths and are determined in their efforts. Both like to be in control, both are led by emotions and passions rather than logic. When fully tapped into their emotions, they are unstoppable. When cultivated correctly, emotions become their most powerful tools and weapons. 

Saturn in Pisces: reveals limitations of the self

Saturn in Pisces people are incredibly helpful and are excellent caregivers; however they are not so good at directing that care towards themselves. In fact, they often shut down when someone directs pity (or what these Piscean placements deem as pity) at them. They like to be in control, so when they aren’t they become paranoid and anxious. Saturn in Pisces individuals have to work extra hard to take care of themselves-- this is one of their greatest faults.

Cal and Eist are both care-givers; they fiercely protect the people they love most. However, they have a hard time taking care of themselves, and letting others take care of them. They believe that they have the ability to protect themselves if they hold onto that self-control, but they often do not have self control as they are led primarily by emotion. Each of them needs coaxing from their loved ones to truly take care of themselves. They rely heavily on their close circles. 

Uranus in Gemini: rules friends, relationships, community, transformation, change, ideas

Uranus in Gemini people are super energetic and are incredible innovators. They are quick witted and quick tempered, often moving between emotions and ideas in moments. They are great transformers of thought, and often break traditions and taboos (rather gleefully). They hate authority, and will question it relentlessly.

Cal and Eist are both witty and intelligent people. They’re excellent strategists and politicians. Although they both perform their roles as diplomats and political leaders, they often go out of their way to subvert norms and question authority. They create new rules, they bend tradition. They hide in plain sight. 

Neptune in Virgo: to refine, planet of inspiration

Neptune in Virgo people are idealistic and detail oriented. They love to serve others, especially those in need. They value work and health and safety. They are versatile and adaptable. They are motivated by a sense of duty and helpfulness. 

Cal and Eist are excellent leaders and they truly value their positions as respective rulers of their nations. They are compassionate, though stern, and are ready to make hard decisions when it comes to issues of diplomacy. They are also quite stubborn, and oftentimes their opinions are conflated with fact. It’s important to note that the two generations following are Neptune in Libra (full of individuals who value harmony and diplomacy and justice-- ahem Pavetta), and Neptune in Scorpio (full of individuals who are secretive, profound, and enjoy solitude; people who also enjoy the search for truth and justice-- ahem Cirilla).

Pluto in Taurus: symbolizes rebirth, change, secrets

Pluto in Taurus individuals are incredibly stubborn and persistent. They value materials and will never be satisfied with the amount of resources they have. They hate change and love their way. 

Cal and Eist (and Mousesack and other characters around their age group) were born and grew up in a generation which sought, conquered, and maintained resources effectively. Cal, especially, used her strengths and her resourcefulness to protect and improve her kingdom; and for a majority of her rule maintained diplomacy without surrendering any of her power. However, the generation following Taurus is Gemini. This generation (including Cahir and Pavetta and potentially Ciri) are inquisitive and thirsty for ideas and knowledge. They are the breakers of tradition. Where Cal and Eist’s generation built and maintained some version of stability, Pavatta and Cahir’s generation destroy borders and bring about great change and innovation. 

[marginal-notes]

TLOK Episode One a.k.a. Korra immediately goes on a rampage

So, as mentioned, I’m finally getting around to watching The Legend of Korra with all of my terrible tastes and general thoughts. 

Don’t give me spoilers, my indignation will be funnier without them. 

What I Know About Korra Going In:

If the show can have all of Aang’s bending teachers still around for the audience’s nostalgic pleasure, Suki better be alive and kicking too or I am going to throw a fit

Technology progressed pretty intensely in ways that I will want to pick apart later

Listen, what the fuck is Republic City. Why. Why does this exist. Show you better answer me fast with why this exist for a legitimate in world reason that isn’t just: “The audience is a bunch of American kids and teenagers and we want to uphold the liberal ideals of democracy because of course that’s the motives of the victors after a global war of probably unprecedented scope despite like, Zero (0) indication that the idea of democracy was rattling around anyone’s heads in ATLA.” 

If this is the reason, I’m going to quit watching. Disgraceful. Disgusting.

Something involving anti-bender sentiment.

Something involving something called the Red Lotus which I am side-eyeing the shit out of 

Bloodbending?????

Spirit World shenanigans and Avatar backstory that’s on thin ice with me. 

Love triangles. UGH. TERRIBLE. WHY DOES MEDIA DO THIS. WHO FINDS THIS INTERESTING. PLEASE RAISE YOUR HAND SO YOU CAN EXPLAIN TO ME. 

Alright, here we go. 

WELL, 30 SECONDS IN AND I GOT MY WISH FOR AN EXPLAINATION ABOUT REPUBLIC CITY.

Avatar Aang and Fire Lord Zuko transformed the Fire Nation colonies into the United Republic of Nations, a society where benders and nonbenders from all over the world could live and thrive together in peace and harmony.

Okay. I’m.... I’m going to withhold judgement for now until I watch like, literally more than 30 seconds to fully form my thoughts about this move. I THINK IT’S A DUMB MOVE AND IF THIS IS WHY PEOPLE KEEP HAVING FIRE NATION DEMOCRACY FICS I QUIT.

So. We get a panning shot into this city. Very urban city that’s the product of the industrialization and like whatever the hell that propaganda voice over is talking about. 

As a method of setting the scene and immediately letting the viewers feel and know the passage of time between ATLA and TLOK, I love this shot. There’s no mistaking this for being immediately after ATLA. We’re listening to one of Aang’s kids. There are skyscrapers. The Fire Nation palace in ATLA probably counted towards the architectural development towards urban skyscrapers, but that architecture is fully formed by TLOK. Brilliant. 

I'm the Avatar! You gotta deal with it!

What a cute brat. Her poor parents, oh my god. 

Also, is she supposed to be a prodigy. 

Again with immediately setting contrasts against ATLA. Very cool demonstration, extremely effective distinction between Aang’s journey around the world trying to find teachers and learning how to bend in the middle of a war vs. Korra at peacetime with a whole entire facility dedicated to her. 

Not sure about how I feel regarding the White Lotus’s presence. 

IS THAT SUPPOSED TO BE KATARA????

That's your grandmother, Meelo.

Does he not visit his parents. It can’t be that hard to swing by for like. Yearly festivals if the Water Tribe has those. I don’t see why not. Maybe something for when the winter night ends, I can see that being festive. 

Tenzin do you like. Not call? Not write?? Sir???

Oh my god, Pema. I hope she really likes kids, despite how rowdy they are. 

Wait. How old is Tenzin. Thirties to forties? 

How old is Katara. 

Is this going to be a repeat of the Fire Nation royal miracle babies. 

I get that, but I don't think keeping me locked up in this compound like a prisoner is what he had in mind.

Going by the episode title, I bet we know what Korra has in mind. Speaking of this compound, where’s the Southern Tribe? The aerial shots look like it’s in the middle of nowhere. Is she so far removed that she doesn’t even spend time with the tribe she was born into? Cause that sure as hell wasn’t how Aang was raised. 

Honestly fascinating as these contrasts keep coming. The bizarre presence of the White Lotus. The way her teachers come to her instead of her seeking her teachers the way Aang and Roku did. 

The Avatar must have always been a special political figure, without any good contemporaries to our world, to be honest. Back in ATLA, we see that Roku isn’t beholden to Fire Nation citizenship - he seems to transcend that. And it honestly seems important that Roku and Aang went out to the world, experienced the other nations and their ways of life. I think Aang does have a line regarding this. 

Because Korra’s situation? Can easily turn into a nightmare, given the realities of what being the Avatar could easily mean. 

OKAY THIS SHIP. Very cool looking, very neat, I continue to love every visual manifestation of the passage of time between ATLA and TLOK. One small question. What’s with the rigging poles. 

(source)

To be fair, this is a battleship from the British navy, but aesthetically I think we can say this is a fair inspiration. From what I remember while researching the coal fic, the rigging and poles there serve no function. It’s aesthetical. At best, there’s a limited function, but it’s predominantly for aesthetics in the transition into the ships like the Titanic with no rigging at all. 

Which raises my question about WHY ON EARTH?? The Fire Nation navy in ATLA??? Were clearly way past this stage in design? Literally during Sozin’s time too??? Almost two hundred years before this current shot in TLOK? Why would the ship design regress like this??? The Water Tribe ships probably wouldn’t evolve into the designs that Europe used? Earth Kingdom ships would probably be more inspired by East Asian designs which also wouldn’t end up with this system for sails? 

Where does this aesthetic come from. 

IS THAT A CAR. 

....

.......

..........

I am not qualified at all for dissecting the potential social and cultural explanation for the western influenced aesthetics appearing. I am but an ignorant banana, I don’t know shit. 

.......

oooooooh this is going to slowly annoy me isn’t it.......... 

That will be twenty yuans.

[Jaws theme]

The city's huge. I bet we could find a place to rustle up something to eat.

You know, I’ve seen plenty of weird shit in Central Park and around NYC before. Korra, you are so unprepared.  

Are you tired of living under the tyranny of benders? Then join the Equalists!

Oh boy. Let’s.... let’s put a pin in this thought. I’ll come back to it once I know more about what’s going on. Because. This will either be fun. Or I’m going to have to create a second spite fic folder. Please, show, don’t give me reason to create a second spite fic folder. 

On a different note though, I really do love the choices so far for setting up this show’s forward path. There’s no way to mistake this as a rerun of ATLA. This is it’s own separate story and I love that. I really do respect that. The way the different threads are emerging feel really smooth: 1) the impact of Korra’s isolation towards her culture shock in the giant city - which must smell and sound REALLY weird to her; 2) her prodigious talent in the physical, exciting parts of bending meshing with her teenage nature and also clashing with the spiritual parts of being the World Bridge; 3) the absolute hot bed of chaos every part of Republic City must be. 

Kinda funny that people would still have sideburns in the same style as from like. Seventy years ago. Vintage. 

Mr. Chung, please tell me that you have my money, or else I can't guarantee I can protect your fine establishment.

My terrible taste in interests rears its head again. Listen, you cannot imply something like the mafia or the triads exist in universe and not have me immediately ALL OVER THAT. Republic City, you are such a mess. Like, for this alone, I might write a single fic for TLOK that’s just about trash collection and disposal. And corruption. And- 

I am fascinated by the genetics and molecular/cellular biology behind the yellow and white eyes in this universe. 

Police! Freeze where you are!

Bitch what the fuck. How many of these rigid airships are part of the police. Are all of them for the police? Are the police literally patrolling people from the sky? 

Also, that better be helium in those ships instead of hydrogen by this point in time. I’ve already made my post about the fleet of hydrogen ships in Sozin’s Comet. 

How much property damage is being inflicted thanks to these couple minutes. The police just. Stab the brick work. There have got to be so many bitchy lawsuits about that. 

This poor girl’s culture shock. 

HEY I HOPE THAT POLICE OFFICER SWUNG THEMSELF ON A CLOTHLINE, NOT AN ELECTRIC LINE LIKE I FIRST THOUGHT. 

HEY YOU CAN RIP SOMEONE’S SCALP OFF LIKE THAT. 

HEY WHAT IS WITH THIS WHOLE SCENE. 

HOW ARE THEY JUST RIDING ON THOSE WIRES, HOW MUCH TENSION IS IN THAT STUFF. 

HOW DOES THAT ZEPPLIN MOVE THAT FAST AND LIKE. AGILE. 

YALL. 

WHY DOES THE POLICE STATION LOOK LIKE THAT

Well then, why are you treating me like a criminal? Avatar Aang and your mother were friends. They saved the world together.

Oh this bit is fascinating, I love it. It’s only been 18 minutes, but the level of sheer propaganda everywhere trailing after Aang is really cool. There’s so much I want to know now about how Aang got from the end of ATLA, where he probably wasn’t thinking AT ALL about this kind of cult legacy forming around him, to this. 

Lin Beifong’s shut down of Korra’s attempt to use her status as Avatar is great. Just because Korra’s born into this elite role and then locked up and probably pampered in her compound, where everyone is well aware of her status and what it means, it doesn’t mean she gets to strut around with no idea how stuff works or the context behind what she’s seeing and then doing whatever she wants. 

Contrasts, love ‘em. 

On a different note, the design of this room. 

As far as I can tell, it’s a dim, doorless room, which is honestly. Really terrible design. And it says something about the way the Republic City police functions and how that reflects on the chaos of the city itself. 

Putting someone dragged into the police station in a dim room without any door as a sign of a possible escape is just a terrible idea. The only thing you’re going to succeed in is making the person tenser and more belligerent. Your suspect or witness gets more nervous, gets more combative, gets more unreliable in this kind of environment. In turn, the police probably starts feeling more and more entitled to harsher retaliation. Conflict resolution? De-escalation? That really doesn’t look like its in the core of the city police. They’re wearing armor for god’s sake. 

Everything so far in this first impression of the police is really damning about their attitude and Lin Beifong’s leadership. Rather than using a rappel line down from the airships, they damage buildings. In chasing Korra, they further damage property. The armor, this freaking room. The fact that so much about the active police shown so far depends on metalbending, which implies that very few people can join the field police. The fact that for the gang to be so blatantly in the open about their presence and territory, there must be dirty cops on their payroll. 

There has to be so much Lin Beifong hate in this city. 

I have done my best to guide Republic City toward the dream my father had for it, but you're right. It has fallen out of balance since he passed.

If anyone tries convincing me Republic City was ever in “balance” they’re a punk ass liar. I don’t think the city could have ever been in balance, whatever that is. The way it was created, the speed it expanded, the life that must be lived there - balance? Don’t kid me with that propaganda. 

Tenzin could be trying to find a balance alright. I just wonder how many people vehemently disagree with his idea of balance. 

Hello? I'm Korra, your new Avatar.

Well, TLOK is definitely in the era of mass distribution of news and the idea of public sentiment at a level never seen before. This is going to be very interesting for its populist implications, along with other developments regarding politics. 

Oh Korra. Did no one try rehearsing this with you? This is a terrible first impression for you to give to people. 

Also, what is this building. Is this like a city hall? Why is the roof on the building to the side slanted like that. That’s an angle I’d expect from like. Snow concerns. In northern Europe. 

Love that Avatar Aang propaganda. Starting to feel like we’re going to see a lot of it going forward. 

Oh my god, everything about this press briefing (?) is highly concerning. This rampaging teenager suddenly appearing without any warning or announcement. The clear lack of script or practice. The open location just to anyone instead of to a select set of journalists who would be sympathetic/under government control. Lin fucking Beifong and Tenzin being the only people accompanying Korra on the stage. 

What a disaster. 

FINAL THOUGHTS

You know, I’m enjoying this more than I expected to. The general writing is great, the use of visuals and other small details to set the time and place is excellent, the worldbuilding implications are rich in potential. I’m looking forward to exploring where the plot threads introduced so far will lead towards!

[randomnameless]

I don't know if this has been asked before, but I was wondering what your thoughts on Rhea are.

Oh, I don't think someone asked it, but I remember a character meme.

Rhea's in the Julia tier : you're expecting things and the game doesn't give you any.

you asked for thoughts so this is long and rather unorganised even if i tried a bit and i feel like i repeated myself a lot so meh

If Edel and Rhea have one thing in common, it's being shafted by the need to make Billy the most special being every with the monstrous "I was lonely before you player-chan uwu".

Seteth'n'Flayn ? In the same trashcan Hubert went in.

Catherine, Shamir, the randoms living in the monastery? Dgaf but still she's willing to die for them so does she really gaf or not? Rhea's willing to give her blood and crest stone shards (to this day I still don't understand what those are) to trusted randoms who would become cardinals? "uwu player-chan". I know I've written a bit about it with the seirelm anon, but with the Canon-ish info? Post Zanado Rhea told a random dude she could turn in a dragon, gave her blood to the same dude and remained in his empire/fighting by his side for at least 30 years. Still “lonely without U Billy <3″

I've written this in the meme entry, but Rhea has her own net of relationships. They're not as important as Dimitri and his childhood friends, but erasing them for the sake of "player-chan" feels wrong.

Role and goals

Rhea's in an interesting place, being a former "legendary hero" like Athos, Sephiran etc.

Still her fight isn't over, she only defeated Nemesis and couldn't end the mastermind behind (a bit like Seliph if you only kill Arvis or Roy when you forget to pick up every legendary weapon). Also, if Seiros killed Nemesis, she hasn't won. In the current Fodlan, she still has to pretend to be a human, the Nabateans as a culture/population are dead. They're still 5 (ish? I think the apostles are lizards), she's still afraid humans will dice them if they learn the truth. Has she won? Idk. Could she win and make a Fodlan were lizards and humans could live together? I don't think so.

Her role as the Archbishop? Well, the game really liked Rhea as a red herring during white clouds and the way FE16 is built, around the monastery, reinforces it. Rhea's the head of the monastery, so she's the head of your world. Everything wrong with the world is automatically linked to Rhea.

So, when Marianne complains about people wanting to kill/ostracise her because of her crest, thinking it's a curse, we of course wonder "why Rhea can't tell to the randoms that no Marianne shouldn't be killed/shunned because of her crest?". Completely forgetting that, hey, Marianne's from the Alliance and heiress of Edmund, so if some people should intervene, it should be her dad "why the fuck are you trying to kill my daughter" or the Alliance council "Duke Riegan, could you please make a public statement about my daughter and how she isn't some sort of demonic beast so stop throwing rocks at her?".

Same thing with the Empire, why should you blame the church and the crests instead of the people doing shit? Hanneman's brother in law? Like is marriage so absolute that a husband can force multiple pregnancies on his wife to the point of literally killing her? The von Essar aren't as important as the Bergliez, but Hanneman's sister dying like that should have rang some bells? Hanneman's dad didn't care? No one wanted to appeal to the Emperor or something? If Jane the random or Karen the peasant died this way, it’d be usual class nonsense. But a noble woman??

Rhea should have done more to prevent crest abuse. She wrote tenets in her Bible and apparently doesn't discriminate in her monastery. But in the other countries? Idk. Her tenets are interpreted like your shopping list by Gloucester Sr "and add a part where interacting with foreigners goes against Seiros's teachings what yes I know better than those dunces from the eastern/central church".

It's not because Riegan Sr and Ionius aren't doing shit that she should do nothing too, but ultimately it falls on the usual landmine about Rhea's influence and power over Fodlan and if we consider Fodlan isn't just the Monastery we see but a continent made up of 4 autonomous states...

The so-called status quo isn't upheld by the church alone (if it is upheld in the first place!), but also by the empire and the Alliance... Lambert was toasted before making any changes, the Alliance is that weird thing where money is anything and crests/old nobility doesn't matter anymore, and the Empire is... Well. The Empire.

Regarding this, I find it really strange that Rhea went to Goneril and rescued one of their slaves, with how much she cares about protecting her monastery and not antagonising anyone, picking Cyril up, risking the ire of house Goneril, feels really risky from her perspective.

Imo WC doesn't sell me the "church rules over the continent" take.

Ultimately it doesn't matter because Rhea thinks she should have done more, and abused her position as the archbishop to rez her mom - I understand the "abused her position" as regretting her various omissions, like helping more people around etc etc.

I also feel like Rhea’s got a big survivor complex, and tries to fulfill impossible tasks. "leading/guiding the world?" she won't take an active role in it, but still resents the state of current Fodlan and wishes Sothis could restore some order (crest abuse? Or relics popping up right and left meaning more sibs dying). She wants to :

1/ guide the world and make it a better place (why complaining about the wayward Fodlan otherwise?)

2/ protect randoms who live under her protection

3/ make sure no one learns the truth about her appearance and relics at the same time.

I don't think it's possible given her current role and especially not possible on her own.

About 3/, call back to FE9 or not, but Rhea's paranoia is... Actually, not proven to be exaggerated in the game.

Ranulf was lynched in Crimea when he was discovered to be a laguz? In a certain route, Rhea's called a cruel beast due to her appearance, accused of not having "human" feelings and is depicted as a creature masquerading as a human. Hate and attack the woman all you want for things she did or might have done, but getting rid of her because she's not human? Rhea's right about not revealing her true nature, because, relics notwithstanding, humans will try to kill her for being a nabatean. Relic wise, in the DLC, we learn Aubin was recently turned in a relic, so that's even more reason to hide.

On 1/, wanting to promote peace in the land? National bias at play with rewriting history “to promote peace” issue. Rhea also built the officer's academy (if nobles from different states can live and study together surely they won't try to kill each other when they return home because they might have become friends?) and with help from the everyone in Fodlan (even the empire iirc?) built the locket to fend off Almyrian invasions. Not saying this is the best way to protect your borders but at least she tried to help instead of staying holed in her monastery.

Imo if Rhea didn't care about Fodlan, she'd have followed her bros and fortified herself in her monastery without accepting random humans to live with her, wouldn't have written a book about how everyone had to get along "unless it goes against the goddess" and wouldn't basically run what seems to be the biggest orphanage/place for the needy/and whatever is the abyss in the continent.

Not saying she doesn't have a priority, but Rhea tries to care, on her scale, about Fodlan's randoms.

About said randoms (and 2/)...

Well there's this bout with Lonato's rebellion and another herring where Rhea's all "I will destroy anyone who takes arms against the church and its believers" and it's extreme, I can’t deny. But if Lonato took arms and mounted a militia to attack Ositia's castle and its randoms? Hector'd have Armads'd Lonato without a second thought. Elincia had qualms about taking her weapons against her own countrymen who were used by Ludveck, but in the end, she took up her weapons to defend her castle, even if it meant she had to kill militiamen. Rhea's line seemed random and cold in the context, but it's the same general idea, attack her people and she will kill you. Still, if you don't take weapons against her, she won't react violently. Duke Gerth is apparently dick waving with Aubin's relic, but Shamir wasn't sent to recover the thing or to get rid of Gerth.

Ultimately Rhea blows her cover and abandons her dream to reunite with her mother to protect the monastery and its inhabitants in 3 routes (arguably in CF too). Someone once made a post about the differences between Seiros's and Edel's crowns and the symbolism of wings - the IO's wings are meant to protect. The IO is the guardian/protector. Rhea tanks missiles and buys time for the students to escape at the cost of her life.

Relationships

Rhea and Sothis? someone made a post summarizing my thoughts about their relationship, or lack of, and if we can argue Sothis was shafted by the devs like Rhea and Edel, ultimately the only important person to Sothis is Billy.

Billy doesn't warp Sothis's preexisting net of relationships, Sothis doesn't have relationships with anyone save for Billy. Rhea wants to meet her mom more than anything else (save for protecting randoms) but Sothis will never address that plot point. She only does in SS and off screen, and it ends up with Rhea wondering if she should live... so take it as you want, but to me it mustn't have been the "hug and pat on the head" kind of reunion.

Ultimately we see Rhea is able to let go of her dream (rez mom) in several routes, she understands and acknowledges Sothis will never return and Billy has her powers now, so either she dies more or less at peace knowing she can trust Billy with Fodlan's future, or she can return to Zanado and live peacefully with Catherine.

Which leads me to the Billy relationship,

As much as I hate player pandering, it makes some sense that Rhea would support Billy and not, let's say, Caspar. I still hate it though because Billy exclusive support means we were robbed of Rhea's other supports with, idk, her fam, Cyril, Catherine, Shamir, Alois, Hanneman, Manu etc etc.

In the beginning of WC, Rhea's pretty sure Billy's Sothis but without memories. Then in the non-cf chapter 12, she tells Billy they know what they are and thus must guide Fodlan, also telling Seteth Billy's a vector for sothis's powers, but not Sothis herself. In SS's finale she calls them "mother" but in her S-support finally acknowledges Billy's their own thing.

In CF Rhea's vicious in her trash talk but immediately jumps to the conclusion that Billy cannot be or hear Sothis, because, to her, logically, Sothis wouldn't side with Edel and her Agarthian allies (stealing the crest stones, Flayn, etc etc). Billy is something that stole Sothis's crest stone and sword and wants to finish what Nemesis started. I don't think CF Rhea snaps because Billy isn't Sothis, CF Rhea snaps because, again, someone is using her mother to kill her.

Rhea's also supposed to have been fond of Citrus to the point of talking to her remains (something she does with her mom) which could explain her sympathy for Billy regardless of the Sothis project.

Jeralt's a different issue, apparently they worked together for more than 100 years but Rhea never told him the truth about her nature, only about how he was saved. Still, Jeralt betrays when his baby is "weird" and unlike regular human babies so... Would he have ran away if he learnt what rhea was? Dumped Citrus if he knew she was an artificial being? Idk.

Catherine Shamir cyril and pals (Alois)? We don't know bcs the game dgaf about anyone not named Billy. As I said above, It’d have been nice to get more interactions with randoms she is working with, or at least showed some care, but nope. “Player-chan uwu” strikes again.

Seteth'n'Flayn? Rhea's close to them, she gets out of her room to look for Flayn and Cyril and Catherine note how she seems close to Seteth (who's totally her bro), but again, the game hates us. FFS don't think she has a line with Flayn!

Secrets and explosions

Tied to 3/ and 1/ from earlier, Rhea keeps a lot of secrets which could justify her lack of relationships/supports with the others... but this argument falls flat, because she’s not the only one with a secret and if Flayn doesn’t seem to care that much about hers, Seteth does and is still able to support students and staff members. Which leads to tragedies.

The Christophe incident is not well documented, and while we learn Rhea was the target of Christophe’s attempt because Western peeps told him so, it is not very well explained why she didn’t execute him on those grounds instead of falsifying charges about involvement with the Regicide. We are told it was to stabilise the Kingdom, but I still don’t know how the Kingdom would have suffered backlash if Rhea told the truth (maybe it would have led to open conflict between the western church and the central church in the kingdom, when the kingdom needed stability at that point? idk).

Still, Lonato wants revenge for Christophe, not because he was executed on false charges, but because he died ; imo, if Lonato learnt the truth, he’d still be out for Catherine and Rhea’s head.

Aelfie’s gambit is more of a direct result of Rhea’s secrecy, because she had “no words” for him about why Citrus was still in pristine condition, he gave up and tried to rez her. Would it had been different if she told him what Citrus was (and by extent, what she was)? Idk. Maybe, maybe not.

Still, Rhea doesn’t keep secrets from everyone every time - she once trusted Willy and told him about her alternate form and it exploded 1k years later, when Willy’s descendants are out for her head because she’s a creature masquerading as a human (I know mole people also played a part, but I guess it sticked more with Edel and the gang who already knew Rhea was a dragon ; trying to convince a random that “hey, this woman is a dragon !” would be more difficult). CF-wise again, Rhea trusts Billy with the SoC and, again, it explodes. In CF Rhea feels betrayed, she trusted some people and now the very same people (or their descendant in Edel’s case) are trying to kill her.

So it’s not a case of someone never trusting anyone, it’s someone trusting some people and regretting it afterwards (in both routes + CF at least, even if I firmly believe the “evil lizards ruling over the world” spiel doesn’t come from Willy, but from later emperors influenced by mole people).

There can also be a point made for Aelfie, who might have been able to merge with Citrus to create an umbral beast because he had Rhea’s blood and a crest stone shard - Citrus being a fake Nabatean and Aelfie having a crest stone + blood might have produced CS’s final boss? Rhea trusted Aelfie with a crest stone shard and her blood, and he became an umbral beast.

Interestingly, Rhea is hell bent on keeping her secrets regarding her identity, in SS Seteth has to beg her to reveal everything to Billy when Billy is the most important person in the world “uwu” or at least, the only person Rhea supposedly opened to. Even the “uwu” factor isn’t enough, on its own, to make her reveal the truth about her identity.

She gives Claude half-truths, and has to be on death’s door to tell him everything - still occulting Seteth’n’Flayn, to the point where Claude later wonders if there are other children of the goddess around.

Vengeful Rhea?

Rhea isn't a stale piece of bread like Julia. She says mean words to Nemesis but also brutally kills him. Rhea cannot forgive the Elites. I know it's very different, but Julia "dad is the kindest man I ever knew" making a 180° “i must atone for what dad did eff him” will always make me throw up - she doesn’t have to be vengeful or try to stab Seliph with a butter knife, but no acknowledgement of “dad’s the bestest” after his death, or even, of his death is meh.

To Rhea, Nemesis and the Elites are a trigger point, and everything related to Zanado. CF!Billy using her mom’s powers is like Nemesis, CF!Billy + Edel pillaging what remains of her siblings in Nemesis’n’Dudes. Flamey doing his shit with Flayn also parallels that. There’s the usual “vengeance sucks” speech to be given, but also the Tellius verse where Laguz aren’t depicted in a bad light when they want to destroy Izuka or when Tibarn learns Lekain was responsible for Serenes’s massacre.

Still, unlike Tibarn’n’pals, Rhea, unlike Macuil, doesn't seem to hold a grudge against descendants of the Elites. Maybe she had faith in them when she told them not to abuse the power of their crests, but then their descendants forgot or didn’t care and we’re in the so-called crest system.

In SS, Seteth asks the BE students if they want to return home to the Empire and how he won’t hold it against them. Seteth’s being Rhea’s right hand bro in this situation, I doubt he’d have proposed this solution without her approval.

She is vengeful and ready to pursue for more 90 years someone to kill them, but she won’t target that someone’s descendants or potential allies. I’ve read some takes about the Western Church being razed to the ground after Catherine’s paralogue, but iirc, Rhea’s only going to execute the Bishop there ; they appoint a new bishop in hopes to ease the relationships between the central and western church. There’d be no point to appoint someone to rule over a body that doesn’t exist...

Grey waves

Wave 1 : Another parallel with Edel is the will to sink in troubled waters to reach their goals.

However, Rhea stays on the surface.

Aelfie thinks Seiros failed to rez Sothis with the chalice because she didn't take more blood from the apostles. Blood rituals are creepy and gave an umbral beast. Seiros didn't pursue and sought another mean to rez Sothis without killing her bros. Rhea makes homunculi to host Sothis's soul? It fails but the homunculi isn't destroyed asap to make another one, hell, Rhea cares about them (which is all kinds of fucked up on its own).

AM wise, iirc, Seteth and Catherine say Rhea'd never forgive them if they run to save her instead of saving randoms first.

Still, making homunculus to create a vessel for her mom - making artificial lives - is problematic, she’s ashamed of it “i did questionable things” and Seteth berates her on her “questionable” experiments.

CF!Rhea eats babies during the final map. She burns the city to make her last stronghold and refuses to run away. CF!Rhea, at the end of this route, completely abandoned goal 1 2 and 3. She wants to survive, yes, but to recover Sothis, no matter how. She still seems to care about humanity, but takes everything too literally and is persuaded humanity and humans are after her to hurt her and her mother (i’m pretty sure uncle Arry was waiting with his Agarthan tech suitcase for Edel to deal with the beast in the background). Contrary to CF’s chapter 12, Endgame!Rhea doesn’t have lines when Catherine and Cyril fall. She’s still siding with humans, but she’s in this for herself now.

Of course, CF!Rhea is special, because CF!Rhea lives again through her trauma, CF!Rhea lost her home, her bro and niece a few chapters ago, she lost her human allies, apparently some peons from her church are deserting and Uncle is waiting with his portable electric saw to turn her in a shiny sword, because she trusted a corpse with Sothis’s heart and spine and trusted a human 1000 years ago with her secret. And now said corpse follows someone who rings at her door with an army, wishes to obliterate her unless she surrenders (?) and works with Uncle and his dubstep pals.

In the other routes, Billy doesn’t want to killer her with her mother’s spine and tries to defend her home, Seteth’n’Flayn aren’t forced into exile or dead and depending on the route she gets to see Uncle and his dubstep friends being buried under rubble.

Troubled waters to reach her goals also include slowing Fodlan’s technological advancements (but was it really slowing down Fodlan’s R&D’s department or cliking “no” when Mole People offer a free (for now) new technology that makes you advance from bronze age to the industrial era in one go?)

Wave 2 : Rhea’s anchored in the past, she wants to return to happier days with her mom and her family, but also wants to help randoms in Fodlan

She doesn’t seem to mind the present where humans do whatever they want, and yet will protect her people and tries (or tried since it’s history) to keep Fodlan safe.

I think the game wanted to tell us Rhea’s stuck in the past, but she also manages to form bonds (albeit fickle) in the present with Catherine, Shamir and, arguably, Cyril. Seteth’n’Flayn accept the past and try to move forward, Rhea cannot and yet is making baby steps forward, or at least to live in the present. “uwu factor” is supposed to mean Rhea’s stuck in the past and can only see Billy for what they are once she accepts to live in the present, but Rhea’s already fond of Catherine, calls Aelfie her child, was fond of Citrus and Jeralt, makes time for Cyril, etc etc. It’s not as clear cut as drinking tea with them but it’s still something that quashes the “lonely B4 U player-chan uwu”.

Rhea thinks her biggest grey wave is how she didn’t do enough for Fodlan and feels inadequate to walk in Sothis’s shoes as the guardian/protector of Fodlan - she could have done more, but she’s busy juggling with three goals, rez mom, protect fodlan, protect the fam.

I think one of her main issue (but the game was also made this way so) is to try to reach those goals alone, save for the “rez mom” goal, everyone in Fodlan, especially the heads of the three states should be concerned with keeping peace in the continent!

Lambert was BBQ’s, Riegan’s busy shitting on Gloucester and Ionius is... well, Ionius. Add to that Mole People starting up shit all around the continent and you have the recipe for a disaster. I’m not saying Lambert and Ionius should have participated to the “protect her family” goal, but at least not trying to eradicate them to turn them in relics would have been nice, sadly Ionius’s bro in law was an Agarthan.

Even if she is nearly immortal compared to a human, Rhea can’t do everything on her own. That’s why I ultimately think a SS ending is doomed to fail, Billy will try to be Rhea 2.0. and in 1000 years it will fall apart again.

AM ending? Billy will become like Rhea was post War of Heroes, but when Dimitri’s descendants start to do shit, his Kingdom disappears and humans start to return to their usual shitty selves, what will Billy do?

VW ending is kind of the same, Claude wants to open the borders and make everyone able to live regardless of their differences, but what if 940 years later an Almyrian president decides to build a wall between Fodlan and Almyra and make Fodlaneses pay for it? What is immortal Billy, who knew Claude and his ideals, going to do?

Wave 3 (lol i nearly forgot but remembered when i was rambling in the tags) : Rhea and technology !

The DLC book and Word of God said she slowed advance of technology in Fodlan to protect peace etc etc. But there’s a book where a cardinal said “eff to autopsies else people won’t rely on us with faith magic” which is... kind of weird. There’s a reason why Rhea might have approved that ban (Why does Freikugel look like a hip bone?) but it still deprived Fodlan’s randoms from the scientifical advance of autopsies... and made people reliant on faith magic.

Actually, the book goes

“Though it is widely believed that this is medically relevant, such actions upon a corpse are considered desecration of the dead. Since white magic can be used to a similar end, autopsies were deemed taboo. A notable cardinal asserted that if medical science were to excel over faith-based white magic, it would destabilize the foundation of the church “

I already pointed out the WTF between faith and white magic (Seteth doesn’t believe his mom is real so he has no faith boon) but interesting to note “desecrating the dead” is still something of an argument nowadays, not regarding autopsies but other practices like anatomical theaters etc etc. Maybe White Magic isn’t intrusive and yields the same results? idk.

Interesting to note, it’s a cardinal who edicted/justified that ban (Rhea as the head of the Church would have given her approval oc). As pointed out with the Freikugel example, Rhea’d have a personal interest in preventing humans to know more about anatomy (goal 3/). Would people stop looking to the church to be healed if “medical science” progresses too much? Maybe. From what we see in the curren Fodlan, it doesn’t.

Also, French version translated the “foundation of the church” as “stability” of the church - would the church become unstable or challenged if people could heal without using white magic? Again, we ultimately know that it doesn’t, magical science and medical science coexist, Manuela gives a short summary of the two - they have different effects.

As for things Rhea herself banned : Telescopes, Oil exploitation and Printed Press.

Telescopes were banned because Rhea thought it would increase violence during wartimes and would make it too easy to snipe from afar (TFW mages with bolting can do the same without telescopes, but they’re limited by their range and if they have a gloucester’s crest by Rhea’s sister’s femur’s range or whatever is Thyrsus). We know the mole people use (and most likely used before during the Sothis war) this technology. The “lessening the mystery of the goddess” thing is noted by Edel herself who wonders if the Goddess could really have come from space since it’s super far away. Edel doesn’t know the Goddess is an alien dragon-thing though.

Oil exploitation : “Misuse could result in accidental death” tfw random Faerghus countryman thought it was water and died :’(

Used tactically by those lacking magical abilities - like gambits? Was Rhea thinking that a random human cannot set fire to an entire city (lol) on his own with his limited spell pool/uses, but if he uses oil then he would only be limited by the quatity of oil? So it’d be easier to cause mass fires? Or whatever Robin did in FE13 with the ships and the Valmese army? Also, if Rhea thought oil could replace humans with magic, does it mean humans with magic were supposed to do everything oil can do? Like making a lamp or they still used something else as fuel? “Competition for it could cause strife” Rhea acknowledged that if humans discovered this ressource they’d deem it as essential and try to get their hands on it, even if they had to wage war?

Metal molding Printing Machine : “after careful consideration” Rhea banned it because it’d be useless for illiterate randoms - well yes, but why should this be an argument? You don’t ban something because it’s useless, look, no one banned airpods - risk of mass circulation of false information or rumors : rhea wanted to prevent redshit from existing This is a way to control information, but funnily enough in the game, we see the results or someone deliberately using manifestos spreading misinformation - risk of “increasing disparity between church branches” (fr version has “rivalry” instead of disparity) what does it mean? The central church would have more means to print books than the eastern church so the eastern church would be jealous? Or the Western Church could mass print its doctrine and have more zealots than the central or the easter church?

Ultimately, all those bans were lifted with time, Manuela performs Jeralt’s autopsy, Edel’s imperial science division managed to guess the distance between the Blue sea star and Fodlan, Oil is apparently used in several gambits, Edel’s able to send manifestos around the continent and Seteth can write children books and sell them without difficulties. Hilda can also lose books which would be a big no-no even if you are a noble if books weren’t, kind of, mass printed.

So why those bans? To protect Fodlan and the fam, but since they were lifted with time, I don’t think Rhea abandonned her goals, most likely, she thought humans were making small steps to discover those technologies, slowly learning about them so they won’t have them when they’re not “ready enough” to use them.

The “ready enough” thing sounds paternalistic or what can be expected from a more technologically advanced alien, but technically Rhea’s part alien and she lived through (or not?) an episode where humans received technology and did shit with it (mole people) so maybe she won’t hand them the car with the keys this time, and instead let them figure out how to build the car.

Still, this is HC because, as usual, the game doesn’t let us talk or question Rhea about those things, so we can only infer, read between the lines or between pixels.

****

TBH, I didn’t care a lot about her when I played, but when she had to eat babies in CF I grew more interested. Other bloggers already pointed it out, but Rhea’s a Tiki, but also a “traditional FE lord” in the sense she avenged her mom who was killed by the king of another kingdom, lived in exile and raised an army to fight against the King.

Still, Rhea didn’t end up as the leader of the world, or as the first Empress of United Fodlan, or something like that. She let Willy do his thing. Why? How? Why didn’t she became an integral part of the Empire, if she had been politically important, or a kind of seer/oracle, it would have been difficult for the Empire to go against her!

But nope, Rhea figged away in her mountains to rez her mom, sprout some “doctrine” (she could have done the same as an Emperor/Seer/Oracle) and watched over randoms who made up her “church”. She sometimes tries to intervene in Fodlan’s best interests, but it failed. Because Rhea doesn’t want to rule. She feels like she has to be a guide, but when humans don’t follow her? Well, what can she do? FE16 doesn’t show us Rhea sending her knights against the Empire when the Empire kicked out her Church and basically said “fig” to her face. FE16 doesn’t show us Rhea being angry and punching Gloucester in the face because he doesn’t show “real piety” and sprouts doctrine out of his rear.

Still, when she has to take a more hands-on approach and cannot be a distant figure/guide, she complains about maintaining a certain image as the Archbishop and how she cannot socialise with students or even walk around without Seteth randoms guarding her. She feels her mother would do a better job and tries to act as a proxy. Imo, Rhea’s bound by duty to her mom, to her sibs dead and living, and to Fodlan. She doesn’t reject her role, she accepts it, she doesn’t like it yes, but if going Gandalf in non-CF chapter 12 shows, she will fulfill it.

What’s most saddening though, is how her duty is a self-imposed one. Rez her mom? She personally took the challenge, because she misses Sothis the most and feels ashamed of this feeling to the point of not telling Seteth about it (interesting enough, Indech seems to be aware Billy’s Sothis incarnation and didn’t jump to the “Billy must be one of Nemesis’s kids with the crest of flames” conclusion, as if he knew Sothis could “incarnate” one day, but was he thinking Sothis would incarnate on her own or Rhea would trigger it? Flayn also suspects a thing about Billy being related to them because of Rhea). Rhea personally thinks she has to lead/guide Fodlan and make it a better place, ignoring the heads of the 3 states who should also be concerned with this goal. Rhea will create a false history to protect her living siblings when Macuil and Indech won’t give a fuck and live in their bestial forms somewhere, and when Seteth hides, but made it clear his only wish is to protect Flayn and the apostles, if they were really lizards, disappeared in random villages.

FE16 isn’t interested by Rhea’s story though.

That’s why I’m desperately waiting for a War of Heroes DLC or prequel of BSFE or whatever because I don’t really care about Fodlan in 1180 and who can have a perfect tea time with Billy or not.

I’d like to know why Birdie and Indech figged away, why Rhea thought letting Willy control the entire continent when he knows she’s a dragon was a good idea, why the Apostles didn’t take part in the Nemesis fight, why Fodlan’s humans decided to side with Willy in his brand new Empire instead of staying with King Nemesis, did Sothis have a previous faithful and what happened when she disappeared, were the Nabateans tyrannical rulers over humans which made some with Nemesis’n’pals, what were they supposed to do when they left Zanado, etc, etc.

So just like Julia and the baijilions AU ideas I came up with, Rhea’s a fuel for AUs because her base game dgaf about her.

[mychemicalxmen]

A sketchy-ass meta on the use of the Phantom of the Opera in the Umbrella Academy Opening Sequence

aight y’all i was a theatre kid so it’s basically my lot in life to be a nuisance. This whole medley is SUCH a lovely piece for Vanya to be playing in general. It’s melodramatic, it’s tragic, it’s full of heart and longing, but there’s still that Andrew Lloyd Webber rock edge. It sets up the tone of the show pretty well. It tells you, this song is familiar. It is a world close to our own, but it’s also something incredibly more theatrical. 

Section 1 - “The Phantom of the Opera” Part I

The softer part of this song introduces Luther. Luther is an absolute fortress, physically and mentally, but he is also introverted and sensitive. We can see this in the very first shot he appears in. And we can see the parallels here between Luther and the Beast in a Beauty and the Beast story, and therefore the parallel to Erik, AKA the Phantom. So it makes sense that Luther would be introduced with the Phantom’s main theme. These characters are cursed by some disfigurement that has forced them to shut themselves away from the world. Yet, in isolation, they have flourished into a romantic. The Luther we see here is the Luther that we mainly see when he’s with Allison. Quiet, gentle, and thoughtful. This is Erik the Composer.

Section 2 - “The Phantom of the Opera” Part II

And then we get to Diego’s part. What a change in pace. The song picks up drive and becomes more ominous, closer to the tone it has in the context of the musical, where the Phantom’s introduction is more of a warning. We catch a glimpse of Diego as a mysterious dark shape through the window, something akin to the first glimpse of the Phantom through Christine’s mirror.

And y’all? Diego literally first appears as a menacing masked man in black.

Though not an antagonist, Diego carries a lot of the chaos on the other side of the Erik coin. He strives for justice, but he isn’t too worried about the casualties along the way. He’s passionate, hot-tempered, dangerous. Just so ready to drop a chandelier on a bitch. In this same movement, we’re introduced to Allison. 

There is something about the juxtaposition of the sinister and frantic nature of the song against the vibrant, glamorous view of the red carpet that gives us a picture of Allison’s position. Like with Diego, the song functions as a warning. There is more to Allison than meets the eye. She is in complete control. This whole thing is a game to her, and she has been winning hand over fist by cheating the system. Metaphorically or literally, we get the feeling that Allison has an extreme amount of power - but for now, it is hidden behind this sparkling masquerade.

Alternate take, Allison has a bit of Christine Daaé imagery here. An elegant, empowered prima donna. I’m not sure where to take this interpretation, but there is some real similarity with the costuming, the fame, and the waterfall of curly hair. These are characters who smile pretty, but whose real power lies in their voice.

Section 3 - “Angel of Music”

I shitposted once that Angel of Music introduces Klaus because Klaus is an Angel but we’re gonna put that aside for a second.

I don’t have as much paralleling for this one, but I adore hearing the first lyrics of the song - “Where in the world have you been hiding?” - with the opening shot. It seems to fit. Klaus has lots of weird little secrets (Rehab! Kidnapping! Ben! Time travel!) and, as far as the family goes, he keeps mostly to himself (save for the few times he’s had to ask Diego for help).

And this is such a rare kind of moment for Klaus, so quiet and peaceful. I think it has to be, because from a writing standpoint, it is an immediate swing to endear the audience to him. It shows us thet he’s cheerful, he’s kind, he has a sense of humor, and he’s making an honest effort to get clean! Right?

We see Luther receive the news of his father’s passing in this movement. The Phantom parallels fit better here. 

“Angel of music, guide and guardian Grant to me your ​glory Angel of music, hide no longer Secret and strange Angel”

“Angel of Music” is a song in which Christine describes the Phantom as this wonderful and wise (though secretive) guardian. It’s a song of adoration. And with Reginald gone, Luther is left without this significant guiding constant in his life. He’s lost.

Section 4 - “Think of Me”

“Think of me, think of me fondly When we’ve said goodbye. Remember me once in a while Please promise me you’ll try.”

Diego and Allison hear the news in this section. It has just hit the media. "Think of Me” is a farewell song, and it signifies Reginald’s death more than anything else. He probably left a larger-than-life legacy and will undeniably be remembered by the public. But what’s important right now is that the siblings remember their roots: their father, the Academy, each other, and what it takes to save the world.

Section 5 - “Music of the Night”

I have never read the Music of the Night lyrics typed out like that, and this lens really makes the whole thing seem like a metaphor for drugs.

First lyrics we got:

“Night time sharpens, heightens each sensation Darkness wakes and stirs imagination Silently, the senses abandon their defenses Helpless to resist the notes I write”

And later on we got:

“Floating, falling, sweet intoxication Touch me, trust me, savor each sensation Let the dream begin, let your darker side give in To the power of the music that I write”

In the context of the musical, this is a sweet, gentle seduction into Erik’s domain. But here, musically, it’s less of an easing-in to this other world as much as it is a head-first plunge. Which tracks.

From a cinematic standpoint, boom, there’s that other shoe dropping. I as an audience member now understand what the hell this character’s about. Also, there’s something really awesome about the orchestration. I can’t describe why it seems so badass for a character to be defibrillated to the sound of electric guitars absolutely shredding on showtunes. Someone please explain it to me.

It’s so important to me that the medley ends like this because the final line in the musical uses this melody. 

“It’s over now, the music of the night.” 

And cutting it off just before the end leaves a tension hanging in the air. Vanya’s been interrupted, her spotlight literally taken away.

After she has played all of this gorgeous underscoring for all of her remaining siblings, Vanya is the only Hargreeves introduced in total silence.

So, ow. 

Anyway... this show’s soundtrack slaps. 

[panharmonium]

what kind of research did you do for your will and merlin fic? (i would absolutely love just,,, an in-depth explanation)

Oh, man, this is such a nice ask!  I think anybody who ever writes anything would probably love the opportunity to ramble about their process, and I am no exception, so thank you! 

I can definitely give you the in-depth explanation - I’ll just pop it under a cut here, so that anyone who’s not interested can just scroll past. :)

So when I first began working on the thing that turned into Wheel of the Year, I just started writing, without worrying about research.  And that was good to begin with, just to get a handle on the characters, but before I’d even finished the first section I knew that I needed to do a LOT of research if I was going to be able to continue writing the story at all.  It was kind of a situation where like - if you asked me to write a story that takes place in a school or a veterinary hospital, I could do that with a high degree of accuracy/believability, and without any prep work, because I’ve worked as a teacher and a veterinary technician.  But writing about a medieval farming village was going to be impossible to do in a way that felt real/convincing without me doing a lot of reading.  

I’ve never been a medieval peasant farmer, you know?  I lived and worked on a small farm for a brief period of time, so I had a teeny bit of background on large animal work, but it was still minimal, and it lacked all of the historical context.  So even the most basic scenes felt impossible for me to start, because it was like - ‘well, what would this person even be doing on this day?  How would they be spending their time?’  It’s hard to write characters doing anything when you don’t even know what the possibilities are.

I wanted to make my Ealdor into a place that felt real, specific, and convincing.  And I couldn’t do that with just sort of a foggy, movie-type image of ‘it’s a Medieval Village™ with Crops and some Cows.’  So I just decided that I was going to do the research.  I wasn’t going to follow an exact historical profile, obviously, because it’s a fantasy show, but I really did want to have a basic understanding of the context of that general era; otherwise there was no way I could ground my story in reality.

So!  My approach was basically two-pronged, encompassing a) character/show prep and b) historical/context prep.

Character/Show Prep

I started off by doing a close watch of 1.10.  This included lots of screencap-taking of the village exterior, the house interiors, and the villagers.  (This is the point where I realized that Will was a woodworker, from looking more closely at his home and the tools he was consistently shown carrying, and that ended up really shaping a number of parts of the story, so it just goes to show how helpful this step was.)

I knew from the beginning that this fic was, by necessity, going to include a number of characters who didn’t exist in the show (or, I mean, they existed, but they existed as extras, not characters in their own right).  Ealdor is too small for these people not to show up - Merlin would be working in close proximity with them every day.  He knows every single one of his neighbors.  They see each constantly.  It would be unrealistic to write this story with them being only vague and out-of-focus.

And this was a little bit of an intimidating thought, because the idea of coming up with that many original characters is just...well, you know, it’s enough to make a person hesitate, but it had to be done.  So, I decided I wanted to base everybody on an actual extra who appears in the episode - I took a lot of screenshots of all the villagers, starting with the people Merlin’s age (because they would be the people with whom Merlin had the most contact), and I gave them names.  And then I began to build out the rest of the village from those characters - parents, grandparents, siblings, friendships, who gets along, who doesn’t get along, etc.  I have a bunch of screencaps in my folder that have all the characters labeled with everybody’s name, and then another folder of family trees that I built - most of which didn’t even end up featuring in the story, obviously, but it helped me in terms of feeling like I had a solid context for who lived in the village and how they all related to each other.

I tried to draw as much info from the background canon as I could.  For example, there’s a blonde girl in the background of the final battle who drags a bandit off his horse and then just DECKS him with one punch, absolutely clobbers him - so I took that small moment of characterization and used it to help me create one of Merlin’s agemates.  

(And this wasn’t all done in one go, obviously; I’m more of a ‘let things emerge naturally’ kind of writer, so as characters came to me in the course of writing, I was matching them with actual faces in the show and continuing to build out the world.)  And ultimately, the result now is that when I watch 1.10, it’s a funny experience, because I feel like I “know” every character onscreen - most of them have names and stories for me, because any character that appears in the fic is based on an actual face that appeared in the show - I could point at them and say ‘yeah that’s Ellinor/Peter/Margoret/etc.’

I also combed the rest of the show for every single reference to Ealdor or Cenred’s kingdom, in order to get a solid understanding of the geography surrounding Merlin’s home (hence my recent post summarizing what we know about Ealdor and why the BBC’s supplemental map is incorrect).  I did the same thing with Cenred himself - I rewatched everything that included him and took notes on particular things that he said or that were said about him.  This helped in terms of figuring out what the political state of Camelot/Cenred’s kingdom was at various points - ie, in 1.10, there’s a throwaway line saying that 'our treaty with Cenred was years in the making’ indicating that the two kingdoms have recently made peace but have previously been at war for a long time, and that affected parts of my story.

I also did a lot of character prep for Will specifically.  I started a document full of notes about everything we knew about him (and about his relationship with Merlin), and then I kept expanding on it with a detailed analysis of the canon in which he appeared and the person who I understood him to be - it grew to be very, very long (I ended up cleaning it up and posting it over a year later, after the fic was finished), and it was very helpful in terms of feeling like I really knew him inside and out.

And those were the most important things I did in terms of working with the show/characters!  

At the same time, I was doing a lot of work on the historical prep.

Historical/Context Prep:

I needed to learn more about Will and Merlin’s daily context in order to write about them with any degree of believability.  I’m an old-fashioned nerd, so I started with books.

I read six books before and during the writing process of this fic, with scattered pieces of others.  The ones I read fully were the following:

Life in a Medieval Village (Frances and Joseph Gies)

The Time Traveler’s Guide to Medieval England (Ian Mortimer)

Life on the English Manor 1150-1400 (H.S. Bennett)

Daily Life in the Middle Ages (Paul B. Newman)

The Middle Ages Unlocked (Gillian Polack and Katrin Kania)

Chaucer’s People: Everyday Lives in Medieval England (Liza Picard)

Those Who Worked: An Anthology of Medieval Sources (edited by Peter Speed)

The first four were the most helpful, but all six had useful info in them.  And basically what I did was I just sat down with the book and a pencil, and as I read, I took in-book notes on all the things I thought would be relevant/important/interesting/helpful:

And as I went, I was filling in that diagram I posted the other day about the medieval agricultural year.

This was all extremely helpful in so many ways...just - by giving me the context of what various tasks actually looked like and what the flow of the year was and various other daily life things.  I could not have written this fic without doing the research.  It wouldn’t have worked for me.

So that was where I got my foundation, but as I was writing, a thousand smaller instances came up where I needed more specialized information, and that’s where I utilized lots of internet resources.  My bookmarks folder for this fic has 200 items in it, and those are just the things I remembered to save.  

Some sample titles of articles I actually read, in case I haven’t embarrassed myself enough already:

“Temporary freedoms? Ethnoarchaeology of female herders at seasonal sites in northern Europe”

“Five Early European Winterings in the Atlantic Arctic (1596-1635): A Comparison”

“English Peasant Buildings in the Later Middle Ages (1200-1500)”

“The Cost of Doing Scribal Business: Prices of Manuscript Books in England, 1300–1483″

“Seasonal Management of Cattle in the Booleying System: New Insights from Connemara, Western Ireland"

And so on.

I watched absurd amounts of videos on how to do specific things - how to carve thatching spars, how to build a wheel, how to thatch a roof, how to build willow hurdles, how to use a drop spindle, how to shear a sheep, how to use a hand quern, etc.  I can’t begin to list the number of topics I typed into Google or the number of research holes I fell into.  The littlest thing could take hours to figure out - the fic would take me to a place where the characters were going down to the cow byre, but then I’d have to stop, because ‘what would a cow byre even reasonably look like?’, and then I’d do a day of research on different types of barns/byres in England throughout history and ultimately hardly any of this information would even make it into the fic but I just.  Needed.  To Know.  (And I’m not complaining at all; I’m glad I did it, and I had a lot of fun with it.  But it was a Process.)

I also used a lot of primary sources.  I used this site for primary source images, to get an idea of what things looked like.  I spent a lot of time on this site reading Old English and Middle English songs/poetry/texts + their accompanying analysis.  I spent too much time reading Pliny’s The Natural History, for one chapter.  And a lot of these sources were adapted and used in-fic for various purposes (hence my desire to include a bibliography, heh).

I used this Old English dictionary and this Middle English dictionary a lot (I took both of these subjects in college, but I have forgotten literally every shred of OE I ever knew, which wasn’t much to begin with.  My ME reading is better, but…still. XD)  I used this resource on period carpentry frequently, as well as a number of others.  And a myriad of other sites.

And that was kind of how it would go.  After the initial ramp-up (reading all the books and doing the basic research/character work) I would write until I encountered something that needed more specialized knowledge (...which happened basically every couple of pages, ha) and then I would research again. 

…looking back, I’m suddenly not surprised this took me over a year to finish.  I’m a slow writer anyway, but…yeah there was actually a lot going on here. XD

Ultimately, did any of this need to happen?  No, absolutely not.  Fanfic 100% does not require this kind of thing, and I honestly think most of the time it’s better to write fic without worrying about this kind of stuff, just to have fun.  I only did it because I felt like in this particular situation, I needed to do it in order to be able to write about this subject at all.  Before I did this, I felt stuck, like I couldn’t move forward because I just didn’t know enough.  The only things I could see with any clarity were Will and Merlin themselves - everything else about their context felt like looking at a video game’s world map when I hadn’t explored anywhere yet, so the whole universe was still masked by clouds.  But afterwards, I could see what I was doing, and I felt free to move around, like I had more places to go.  

So overall, I’m glad I did it.  And since then, I’ve read many more history books on different subjects, because as it turns out I am not done writing Merlin fanfiction, and therefore I am not done researching, either. XD

Thank you so much for asking this - I hope this answers your question!

[misha-moose-dean-burger-lover]

POSITIVE 20 QUESTIONS TAG GAME

I was tagged by @peanutbutterandgrapejelly. Thank you for the tag, Peanut, this seems pretty loaded, but in a good way, so here goes!!

1. Name 4 fictional characters who showcase your personality the best, with explanations if you want.

Sue Heck! I don't think I let all of it out, but on the inside, I constantly feel like I'm extremely Sue Heck-y, :')

Amy Santiago, in a lot of regards, I'll say. Uh, cares a lot about her friends, ambitious, and would basically die/murder for organization, but also socially awkward and, uh, mostly percepted as a goody-two-shoes. Also, true nerd™.

Mindy Lahiri! (I mean, again, this seems more of a who I feel like I am, and not who I come across as, cause those two things tend to differ on a variety of levels?)

Sam Winchester (you know I had to) Basically, we're both INFJs. I'm not even close to his level, but my brain officially ran out of characters so uh, empathetic, constantly interpreted as "boring" and the "brains", patient, *yearns to settle down with someone they love*, believes in second chances. The whole nine, but toned down XD

2. Aesthetic:

I'd usually have a hard time with this one, but I recently did a long thing about my aesthetic, so! I'm going to say, soft pastel, beige, and shades of white!! A tinge of light academia, but mostly unassumingly modern, and faded rainbows as watermarks.

3. Favorite musical/play? If you've never seen a musical or play, one you'd be interested in seeing?

You got me ~ never seen any. (I mean, school plays don't count, right?) I honestly have a bunch of musicals I want to see, recommendations from friends online, but somehow it always slips my mind. But, off the top of my head, @spot-the-brooklyn-pirate wanted me to check this one out, and I am looking forward to actually doing it sometime: Book of Mormon.

4. What's the best compliment you've ever received?

Mostly, anyone who says I, in any way, made them happy, literally gives me the best compliment ever. And uh, my sister called me inspiring once, and it stuck. When I nagged her into elaborating, she said she thought I was functional in spite of all my flailings, and self-analytic, and it didn't make sense to me, but I still think about that.

And a few people, over the course of time, have named some of my fics as their favorites, and those stay with me for a very long time.

5. How many times have you been in love?

Hardly once. She's still one of the most important people in the world to me, but as somebody great once said, if you don't fight for it, it doesn't count. And we didn't.

6. Embarrassing story or fact about yourself which now makes you laugh?

By far the most embarrassing thing I've ever done, is written a fic on wattpad which revolved around my own life, except for the fact that it really, really didn't. Long story shortened, I was in sixth grade, and had a surface-level-y crush on this guy, and it seemed like a brilliant idea at the time. In the story, we're all in senior year, though the authoress forgot pretty much all the real things about school XD it's not just cringy, but also extremely sixth-grade-y written, and it astounds me to this day that it went on to have like 18,000 views? (I managed to block the entire shtick out, until a few months back, when I randomly remembered and rushed to unpublish the work. *facepalm* it even had all our real names)

7. Favorite Disney/Pixar movie?

This one's so hard. Uh. Ratatouille, maybe?

8. Favorite flower/plant?

I regret having to confess that I probably don't have one :( but hey, my go-to answer for these ones is daisies, because they remind me of the lovely @daisy-jeon <3

9. What's your favorite holiday?

Holi :')

(I miss it being like the older times, though? Somehow it always clashes with my final exams these last few years, and Shelley is often not home, but it still really makes me happy, so just imagine how perfect it used to be, when I was a kid!!)

10. Name three things that made you smile/laugh this past week.

Rewatching The French Mistake!! A really great decision, haha!

The lovely comments an older fic of mine received, (about old Destiel, uwu) since a couple of big blogs happened to reblog it 🙈🙈🙈 and my activity started blowing up!!

A full-blown coffee high, which resulted in me being hilarious through a 98-message monologue to dish, eeeeee!!

11. What song would you play to introduce yourself to someone?

I'd been dreading this question the most, because I'm horrible at remembering good songs when I - need to be. Oofsies.

But I guess I could wing it with 'What About Us' by P!nk.

12. Name something that truly makes you peaceful even at your most stressful moments.

Writing about Character A of a ship going through said stressful moment, and Character B being the best possible responder to all of it. Projection's the key to functionality, kids.

13. What do you, did you, or would you study at college?

Would you, and will you, sound unfortunately like different questions to me, so I'm going to answer the one which is asked. I'd like to major in History, with a minor in English. (And to be crude for a bit, as my sister calls it, thus successfully be left solely employable as a teacher.)

14. This is kind of a weird one, but which outfit of yours makes you feel most like yourself?

My black Avenger's logo t-shirt, with this pink hooded, kinda-down-past-my-hips, not-warm-at-all jacket and any one of my numerous, mwuahaha, grey shorts.

I never said I'd go out of the house in that outfit, did I?

15. What is a quote you live by?

I don't think there aren't any. I'm just here, faking it till I make it. Still, if I had to choose? Misha's "Be Kind to Yourself so You can be Happy enough to Be Kind to Others" is something I aspire to live by.

16. Name the funniest playlist name you have.

I'm sad that I don't have any funnily named ones now. Sorry to disappoint, but I'm hoping that it counts a teensy bit that I have like seven playlists just for background shtuff when I'm working, and they're all named *extremely* similarly, with variations of the word "study" basically, but all have exceptionally different vibes.

But I really am sorry, and I'm going to try and up my playlist-humor-game.

17. Make a reference to an inside joke you have with someone you love with zero context.

'Time for tapwater'.

18. What is a message you'd give your younger self if given a chance?

Don't build your sense of self-worth over the people whose opinions you think matter. You don't have to get everybody to like you. (Oh, and probably don't switch between multiple first-person-pov's, even though you're just writing the most unrealistic self-indulgent fiction EVER.)

19. Who is your favorite family member? (If you have no good blood family members, feel free to mention someone in your found family)

Hands down, my sister. Shelley, didi, @iamcharliebradburylevelperfect, you're like the best part of my life, and you're probably going to be the longest part of it, too. Cause we might not have the best record for funny titles to call each other by, but we still nail the cheesy till the end of the line moments, ;)

20. What's a secret dream of yours?

I, uh. Want to run a completely-revolutionalizing-the-concept-of-education-style school ~ a boarding school actually, with my best friend dish. And as a means to acquire funds for it? We're going to do a whole lotta stand-up. :D

(Oh, and since i've already rambled for at least a thousand words, so what's the harm in a few more? At some point, probably on my birthday, I want to do a YouTube livestream, a pre-planned one of course, and everybody I've ever been frens with, on this dumb, wholesome hellsite???? They're all sent an invitation to join!! And there's nothing to do, really, we just talk and everyone's enjoying themselves, and I dunno, I had a dream about this once, and I've been so ridiculously smitten with the idea since!

Huh, maybe I could rally forces starting now, to make this possible by my eighteenth!!)

If anyone would like to play, these are really awesome questions! @3dg310rdsupreme @mystybloo @thotfordean @bcozwhythefuknot @theninthdutchessofhell @awkward-penguin-in-a-trenchcoat @quicksilver-ships @all-or-nothing-baby @screamatthescreen @telefunkies @elvenlicht @facepalmmylifeu @specialagentrin @noemithenephilim @but-for-the-gods-three-days

[scrunchie-face]

My ranking of TS8 based on absolutely nothing but my personal opinion

From least to most favorite:

peace: this is the only song on the album i really don’t like. her accent/cadence sounds a little affected to me and there aren’t any lyrics or musical moments that really resonate.

invisible string: i feel like i might get some pushback on this since so many people seemed to LOVE this one but hear me out. This one is clearly about Joe and their relationship and for me, there is not a single song about him that she has written that has been as good as “Call It What You Want” and “New Year’s Day.” Every other song she has written since then about being happily in a relationship with Joe has fallen flat for me. Also, I’m not gonna lie, the more cynical and less romantic side of me finds the whole concept of the “invisible string” to be a bit trite and saccharine. “Isn’t it just so pretty?” To me, yes, it is a pretty thought and that’s all it is.

mirrorball: this song is pretty, and reminds me very strongly of the Speak Now era, but with the complexity and maturity that she’s obviously acquired since then. That being said, to me the metaphor feels like it’s trying to go in two different directions at once and neither one quite gets there, leaving a song that feels somewhat unfinished. It’s either a very pretty love song or a darker reflection on identity, but it never feels like it commits to either.

august: this is where we really start to get into “there’s nothing really wrong with it, I just like other tracks better” territory. Lyrically, I think it’s very poignant, with its reflections on love, time, and memory. Unfortunately, I think the whole “Teenage Love Triangle” hint actually does this song a disservice by indicating that the speaker is the “other woman.” Since the bent of the other two songs (”cardigan” and “betty”) seems to indicate that those two singers/speakers are the couple that is “meant to be” it gives the poor unnamed “august” singer a bit of an uphill battle for sympathy in context. That’s not to say I don’t have any sympathy for her; I have by far the least sympathy for James. Unfortunately, James gets a catchier song (more on that when i get to “betty”). Which brings me to the real reason for this low-ish ranking: I just don’t find the song as musically compelling as most of the others on the album.

this is me trying: as I suggested in the previous paragraph, a lot of the way I rank songs personally is by how much the music resonates with me. I can forgive a lot lyrically if the way the music moves gives me goosebumps. With “this is me trying,” there are several lyrics that I love. The repeated “I have a lot of regrets about that”? PERFECTION. Musically, however, the song as a whole doesn’t really impress itself upon me, making all but the couple lyrics I really love forgettable to me.

mad woman: this song, and the two on either side of it, were ranked somewhat arbitrarily. higher than “this is me trying” for having a little more edge and a more engaging tune, lower than “hoax” because I generally prefer sadness and angst to anger. This is by far the most vindictive track on the album, and while I understand it and think it’s executed very well, the tone isn’t totally appealing to me personally.

hoax: this song, to me, has a very strong Hozier vibe that I enjoy very much. As i said in my blurb about “mad woman” I connect more emotionally with the sadness and turmoil here, hence its higher ranking. “stood on the cliffside screaming ‘give me a reason’“?! Gorgeous, and if you’ve ever felt that way, the line resonates in your bones. “the only hoax I believe in” is such a complex line that I could probably write paragraphs about it; it’s got psychological, emotional, and even religious elements to it that I think are part of what makes such a sad and personal song still feel universally relatable. It asks you, what are your hoaxes? Which ones do you believe? Is it because you want to? Because you have to? betty: ranking this song was difficult, because i find the character of James to be incredibly irritating. Unfortunately, the questionable nature of James’ behavior and attitude towards Betty and the unnamed girl is not enough to condemn the song to a lower ranking because the tune is just so catchy and fun. It’s got one of the best hooks on the album: the rhyming of “Inez” and “she says” just delights me every time. The “--most times--” caveat is amusing and very in character for a teenager trying to explain himself. And then “the worst thing that I ever did was what I did to you.” It sounds super trite, yes, but it would’ve probably gotten my forgiveness when I was seventeen. Also I love “will you kiss me on the porch in front of all your stupid friends?” Bold words for someone in James’ position but I love the bravado and the way it pairs with the music. The triumph here may be premature but it’s SUPER contagious. epiphany: so this one is perhaps the most arbitrarily placed because I realized when I got the the end of my list that I had forgotten  it.... BUT that being said, I really like this song. It seems to be one of the more divisive on the album; people either love it or think it’s boring. I like it a lot. When we talk about big events--wars, pandemics--it’s very easy to distance ourselves from them and forget that those more affected than we are are people too. This song gently rehumanizes the people we see in books and newspapers and tv reports, reminding us that they are suffering, they are trying, and reminding them that they are seen and loved. It’s extremely beautiful and moving.

the 1: based on my previous claims that the music is  my most important factor in song ranking, this one may seem unfairly high. Like with “peace” I find the accent/modulation of her voice in this song to be somewhat affected and irritating. The tune, while fun and catchy, doesn’t really have much power behind it. But I enjoy it just enough that, paired with some absolutely spot-on lyrics, this becomes a song I was deeply attached to from the first listen. Anyone who has ever had an important relationship that came to nothing will recognize the brief emotional rollercoaster of “I thought I saw you at the bus stop, I didn’t though,” and feel absolutely convicted by the bridge. “persist and resist the temptation to ask you/ if one thing had been different/ would everything be different today?” If you’ve lost a friend or a lover, you’ve tormented yourself with that question, I guarantee it. Even off her musical A-game, she absolutely nails the emotions here, and I love it.

my tears ricochet: this song actually started out pretty close to the bottom and slowly made its way up. Honestly, the reason for its low ranking was that I still can’t quite figure out what it means. Taylor occasionally writes songs that are very hard to tease out into any sort of linear narrative or neat metaphor; you feel them more than you understand them. And for that reason it usually takes me a little more time to get to a point where I appreciate them. The relationship here is tangled; it’s not the simple bad guy/good girl that we would’ve seen in the Speak Now era, and I would argue that at times it’s unclear which party is even the speaker. Once my analytical mind got past that hurdle, I remembered that this is one of the most musically powerful songs on the album. The bridge? GOOSE.BUMPS. The way the music builds and pounds at “just not home... in your bones.” Shivers. Even if I don’t totally understand what the song means, i can feel the conviction and emotion in the words and music and that is what makes it such a pleasure to listen to.

cardigan: this song is simply beautiful. just lovely. sad and nostalgic and hopeful and it just hits on some stuff that is absolutely true. “when you are young they assume you know nothing./ But I knew you.” I recently had a conversation with my husband about this very concept. This idea that adults look down on young people simply because they don’t have “perspective.” But the truth is that young people know something very important: what it is like to be young and to experience things AS A YOUNG PERSON. Not as an adult looking back on being young, but as a person to whom these experiences are fresh and real and important. “cardigan” takes that whole concept: the struggle between youthful experience and adult perspective, and absolutely NAILS IT. Add in a touch of the sentiments from “the 1″: “i knew you’d haunt all of my what ifs.... i knew i’d curse you for the longest time,” and combine it with a melody that rises and falls and slows down and speeds up and you just have this gorgeous tribute to youth and life and love.

illicit affairs: i love this song so so much. I’ve never been in an “illicit affair,” but the regret and the confusion and the attachment and the love and the hate and the feeling of being trapped are all so raw and visceral that even if you’ve never felt anything like this before in your life you can feel it now. Underneath the fairly simple melody of “don’t call me kid, don’t call me baby,” you can hear the screaming anger and heartbreak. “look at this idiotic fool that you made me!” Gah. I can’t even. It’s just so real. So there. This is a song that you both understand AND feel and it’s so powerful it’s almost overwhelming. Taylor and her killer bridges absolutely ending me every time.

the last great american dynasty: this song is so fun. The story is funny and sad except the indomitable Rebecca doesn’t for a moment let you feel sorry for her. As soon as you see her pacing the rocks looking out over the ocean--a wistful, often angst-ridden position--the song turns right around and informs you that she stole a neighbor’s dog and dyed it green. And then, “and then it was bought by me.” The story has been so definitively about someone ELSE this time until suddenly SURPRISE! The twist at the end is delightful; every story we tell, every story we love, we tell it and love it because it’s about us too. And like i said, there is a quiet undercurrent of sadness and loneliness that never becomes the focal point of the song but is there giving it depth and something more to think about that facts and funny anecdotes. This song is a unique one in Taylor’s discography, and it stands up very well to that status.

exile: is my love for this song partially colored by the fact that Justin Vernon’s voice makes me swoon? Probably. The duet between him and Taylor is hair-raisingly beautiful and heartachingly melancholy. But that aside, I think the thing that first caught my attention was Taylor’s verse. The “staring honey/understudy/knuckles bloody” rhyme drives me absolutely WILD. It’s SO GOOD. It flows perfectly and poetically and honestly i transcend my body and scream with delight into the ether at those three lines every time. That is not an exaggeration. Also, “I’m not your problem anymore, so who am I offending now?” And of course the juxtaposition between “never gave a warning sign (i gave so many signs)” is this perfect description of how, to quote another, much older, lyric “miscommunication leads to fallout.” This song reminds me very much of “Story of Us.” In case you couldn’t tell from previous comments, this whole album, for me, recalls Speak Now, very strongly in many ways. I see her revisiting a lot of similar themes and stories with a more mature perspective and a different sound. Red  as well, actually, but I digress.

seven: i knew from very early on that this would be my favorite song on the album. Taylor’s voice goes places I have NEVER heard before, evoking something elemental and primal. “Before I learned civility/ I used to scream ferociously/ any time I wanted.” Her forays into actual childhood in her songwriting are periodic but relatively rare, and this is unquestionably the best of the lot. Here we see children, almost too young to remember exactly what happened, but marked forever by their experiences of nature and relationships. “I can’t recall your face/ I’ve still got love for you.” This song evokes all the things that dance around the edge of your memory: faces from long ago, the feeling of flying, the fear of falling, the irresistible impulse to plant yourself on the ground and fling your existence out into the world with your voice. The need to feel safe. The references to a friend’s troubled home life are oblique: “your dad is always mad... you won’t have to cry or hide in the closet,” and the solutions are childlike: “come live with me...and be pirates,” “move to India forever.” The song is an immersive experience, charged with feelings you can’t quite express, but that you know and remember, although they are perhaps faded a bit around the edges.

[deathgatesideblog]

Top 10 “Haplo loves Alfred” quotes, ranked

Under the read more, exactly what it says on the tin. This is obviously a non-inclusive list, and honestly there are so many quotes that I’m sure I forgot some good ones, but, y’know, here ya go. 

10. Serpent Mage, Haplo compares the color of his runes to Alfred’s eyes.

The sigla were as yet only faintly visible– a blue as pale and weak as the eyes of that fool Sartan, Alfred.

A pretty incredible quote which reminds us how much Alfred is on Haplo’s mind. There’s basically no reason for Haplo to be thinking about Alfred in this context; Haplo just sees his faded runes and the comparison he comes up with is Alfred’s eyes. This gets the tenth spot because while it IS pretty wild that Haplo would make this comparison with regards to something as important to his life and even identity, it IS with his weakened, faded runes, and he DOES still manage to do it as insultingly as possible.

9. Hand of Chaos, Haplo’s journal entry.

What do you think of your power for good now, Alfred? …As you fight for your life in the Labyrinth. I’ll tell you what I think of it. I think it’s a lot like you– weak and bumbling. Although I must admit that you came through for us in our fight against the serpents– if that was you who turned into the serpent mage, as Grundle claimed. But when it came to standing up for yourself against Samah (and I’ll lay odds that you could have taken the bastard), you ‘couldn’t remember the spell.’

Another classic “Haplo tries to insult Alfred and inadvertently reveals how much he thinks about him” line, here. Not only is there the comparison to a power for good to oppose the dragon-snakes-- sorry, a “weak and bumbling” power, my bad-- but even larger to me is Haplo’s insistence that Alfred could definitely have beaten Samah in a battle of magic. That’s SAMAH, universally considered to be THE most powerful Sartan.

8. Elven Star, Haplo feels an affinity towards Alfred.

The Patryn had met only one Sartan before—the bumbling man of Arianus who called himself Alfred Montbank. And though Haplo hadn’t recognized it at the time, he came to realize that he felt an affinity for Alfred. Deadly enemies, they were strangers to the rest of the world—but they were not strangers to each other.

It’s a bit unclear to me whether the text is saying that Haplo realized he felt this affinity during Elven Star or not until later books. He also comments in Elven Star that Alfred put him to sleep during Dragon Wing, and then is surprised when Alfred tells him this again in Into the Labyrinth, so it’s possible that some of the narration is meant to be Haplo’s point of view after the full series, rather than during Elven Star specifically.

That being said, if this is meant to be his thought process during Elven Star, it’s pretty brilliant that he already admits to feeling this affinity for Alfred already, even before their mind swap in Fire Sea. Plus, it makes his scoffing at Alfred’s line about feeling a kinship towards him even funnier.

Either way, though, it’s fantastic line about how close Haplo feels to Alfred, and in such poetic terms, too!

7. Into the Labyrinth, Haplo worries about Alfred.

“And to think I’ve been worrying about you in the Labyrinth, picturing you dead or worse. And all this time you’ve been here.” He waved his hand. “Perfectly safe.” “You were concerned about me?” Alfred asked, his wan face brightening. Haplo made an impatient gesture. “Of course I was concerned. You can’t walk across an empty room without causing some sort of catastrophe.”

Yet another “Haplo disguises how much he cares about Alfred by insulting him, and it really doesn’t work” moment, and by Into the Labyrinth the disguise really, really isn’t working anymore. Oh, of course Haplo, you were just concerned because Alfred is clumsy, that’s why you were worrying about him and picturing him dead! In the words of The Princess Bride: “[He] wasn’t nervous! ...Well, maybe [he] was a little concerned, but that’s not the same thing.”

6. Fire Sea, Haplo is entranced by Alfred’s dancing.

The feet that could not take ten steps without falling over themselves were suddenly executing intricate steps with extraordinary grace and delicacy. His face was grave and solemn, wholly absorbed in the music. He accompanied himself with a grave and solemn song. Hands wove the runes in the air, his feet replicated the pattern on the floor. Haplo watched until he discovered some wayward part of himself feeling touched and entranced by the beauty.

You know that scene in a TV show or anime where the main character is like “of course I don’t have feelings for [other character]!” and then the shot goes to said other character smiling or doing something cute with, like, the bright, glossy filter and then back to the main character staring and then embarrassedly forcing themselves to look away? This is that scene in narrative form. And I love it.

5. Fire Sea, Alfred’s yelling/swearing makes Haplo laugh.

Haplo stared at Alfred in blank astonishment. Then the Patryn’s lips started to twitch. He tried to control himself, but he, too, was tired. He began to laugh. He laughed until he was forced to lean against the rock wall to support himself, laughed until he tears crept from beneath his eyes. Dabbing at blood seeping from a cut forehead, Haplo grinned, shook his head. “That’s the first time I ever heard you swear, Sar--” He paused. “Alfred,” he amended.

What is there to say, really? Haplo finds Alfred swearing and yelling as funny as I do, and probably also just as endearing. The fact that this scene takes place in the middle of them all super stressed and trying not to die makes it even better, as does the fact that this is all spurred on by Alfred saving Haplo’s life and Haplo being irritated at the thought of owing his life to Alfred again. Seeing Haplo's sudden flip from talking to Alfred like his enemy to talking to him like his friend, and using his name sincerely for the first time since finding out he’s a Sartan is also fantastic.

4. Fire Sea, Haplo lets Alfred go.

“You know what’ll happen to you in the Nexus.” Haplo didn’t look at him when he spoke, he kept his gaze on the dog. “You know what my Lord will do to you.” “Yes,” Alfred answered. Haplo hesitated a moment, either deciding on his next words or deciding whether or not to say them. When he made his decision, his voice was hard and sharp, cutting through some barrier within himself. “Then, if I were you, I wouldn’t be around when I woke up.” Haplo closed his eyes. Alfred stared in amazement, then smiled gently. “I understand. Thank you, Haplo.”

On some level, maybe this shouldn’t be ranked as high as it is, because I highly doubt that this is exactly specific to Alfred. By this point, we know that Haplo is reluctant to see anyone else get punished, hurt, or killed that doesn’t deserve it. But it gets up to fourth because this is the scene that really hammers in just how much has changed about Haplo’s feelings, and his feelings towards Alfred specifically, in the span of just one book; he doesn’t believe Alfred deserves to be punished for being a Sartan, anymore. That’s... pretty big. And it all just goes to show how much Haplo’s character arc as a whole is connected to Alfred’s influence on him and his influence on Alfred.

3. Seventh Gate, Haplo trusts Alfred

Alfred looked pained. “You don’t trust me. I don’t blame you. I know that in the past I’ve let you down, but, truly, I’m strong now. I am–” “I know you are,” Haplo said. “I trust you. I want you to trust me.”

Just a short moment, here, but all the more impactful as the context is Alfred volunteering to possibly sacrifice himself to close Death’s Gate, trying to convince Haplo to leave him to avoid danger, and Haplo vowing to stay behind to protect Alfred, potentially risking his own life, in the process. Not only is Haplo agreeing to risk his life for Alfred’s sake, here, he’s agreeing to do it knowing Xar is literally right there with them and he WILL have to fight Xar. And, of course, he reassures Alfred that he does trust him, and that he knows that he’s become strong, now!

2. Seventh Gate, Goodbyes and the hug.

"Farewell, my friend,” he said. “Thank you for bringing me back to life. Haplo took Alfred’s hand, then embraced the startled and embarrassed Sartan. “Thank you,” Haplo said, his voice gruff, “for giving me life. Farewell, my friend.” Alfred was extremely red. He patted Haplo’s back awkwardly, then turned away, wiping his eyes and nose with his coat sleeve.

I know we’ve been talking about this quote a lot recently, but like. Just look at it. How Alfred goes for the handshake and Haplo takes it and then is like “wait a minute, heck no, we might die here and I’M GONNA HUG YOU, DAMMIT.”

And bonus points for “Thank you for giving me life,” which is not only a parallel to the thank you Alfred’s already given him, but also a HUGE fuck-you to Xar, who he KNOWS is STANDING RIGHT THERE, considering Xar’s whole “I gave you life so I can take it” mentality. We don’t talk about it enough, but. What a goddamn power move. 

1. Into the Labyrinth, Alfred brings Haplo to the Vortex

Then strong arms caught him, held him. A voice spoke to him, soothed him. All pain vanished. He rested, drifting on the water’s surface, at peace with himself. The voice called again. He opened his eyes, looked up and saw… Alfred.

This is... just. I mean, look at that. A paragraph like that wouldn’t be all that out of place in a straight up romance novel. I mean. Strong arms holding him... his voice soothing him and erasing his pain... the sense of peace... the dramatic ellipses before Alfred’s name... I honestly don’t know how to talk about this paragraph without just rewriting it, because seriously, look at it. Haplo the sentimental poet strikes again.

If there’s any reason that this shouldn’t be the number 1 quote it’s that this line of pureness finishes the chapter and then sends us back to Pryan’s heterosexual nonsense for multiple chapters, which is quite frankly an act of pure homophobia.

Just kidding, obviously, but like... wow.

Anyway thank you for reading my list, Happy Valentine’s Day y’all.

[mandapandamar]

Currently Untitled Poetry Smash Drabble

Context, because this is a weird AU that only I asked for: I play Dungeons and Dragons with some friends, and my DM let me make a few things happen. The first was that I based my character, an elven druid, off of Jehan. I've wanted to mess around with Jehan for a while and druid seemed like a really good choice for them: magic and nature. They also, of course, have an interest in the flute and poetry writing. Because Jehan.

The second thing was making Poetry Smash happen. In this realm, Bahorel is an elven barbarian. He's not as ostracized as other barbarians tend to be; in fact, he plays a very important role in their community.

The relationship at this point is already established!

That said, I'm extremely nervous about this, because godDAMN the Les Mis fandom is super talented but I have been persuaded so here it is!

“Where are we going, Baz?”

“You'll see.”

Two figures made their way down a familiar trail in the woods. The dirt had been tamped down over years of foot travel, beaten by explorers and locals alike. Trees lined the path on either side, extending higher than the eye could see, seemingly vanishing into the Heavens above. The lush canopy blocked out most of the light from the full moon above, and had it not been for the taller of the two holding a lantern, vision would have been impossible.

Both of these creatures were elves, members of the eladrin clan native to this area, but the similarities stopped there. One was abnormally tall for an elf, about six and a half feet tall. He was stocky, with broad shoulders and defined muscles. His skin had been bronzed by the sun and heavily tattooed with his war stories. His long brown hair was tied back in intricate braids, effectively keeping it out of his angular face. This was Bahorel. Bahorel had been chosen by the elders to be a provider and protector of the village, citing his strength, bravery--though some would call it recklessness--and his heightened fighting skills. All these things earned Bahorel the respect of his fellow villagers, and while some feared meeting him alone at night, others viewed him as a gentle giant. He could be just as warm and kind as he could be cold and savage, and what side people got to see was typically dependent on how they treated him.

One such person who got to see his gentler side was walking beside him, their hand gently intertwined with his. They were much shorter than Bahorel, only coming up to about his shoulder, and much smaller in frame. They were delicate and their skin was fair, speckled with tiny flecks of brown that looked as though the gods themselves had dipped their brushes in pigment and meticulously painted each individual dot on their skin. Their hair seemed crafted of fine strands of the purest copper and was often woven with flowers or adorned with trinkets they found in the woods. Their name was Jehan, and they were as intrepid as they were beautiful.

Jehan shared a strong bond with nature. Flowers seemed to bloom wherever they walked. Animals that were normally frightened of humanoid creatures were not alarmed in their presence. Jehan frequently attributed this to the idea that animals could sense when someone was kind and of no threat. But the reality was that Jehan was blessed with a potent magical gift, one that they often tried to down-play out of modesty.

It was this gift that landed Jehan with an incredibly important title. Each decade in their home land of Elestrisia, King Galajen selected five individuals gifted with especially strong magical abilities. Those five were given the title of either a Prince or Princess of Elestrisia, though Jehan preferred to use the term “royal.” These five royals would serve as guardians of the land, each given a special responsibility in the process. Jehan's duty was to reinforce the world, to be sturdy yet gentle, stalwart and forgiving, protective and supportive. It was a tall order, but Jehan could handle it, though they remained a bit nervous.

Jehan was set to depart for the castle the following day. They had an obligation to attend to after ten years, in which they would get to see their fellow royals again. Bahorel was insistent on Jehan meeting him in the woods the night prior, but why, Jehan had no idea.

Bahorel led Jehan through the wood to a clearing. Jehan was familiar with this spot; it was where they had met one another some four years ago, when Jehan happened across an injured Bahorel…

Bahorel's voice brought Jehan out of their thoughts. “Remember the first thing you said to me?” he asked with a chuckle.

“Yes. I told you that you were lucky I'd prepared a healing spell that morning.”

“Otherwise I'd be a goner, yeah.”

“I stand by that,” Jehan chided. “And now I have a healing spell prepared every morning, just in case.”

“See? I helped.” Bahorel smiled and wrapped his arm around Jehan's shoulders.

The pair gazed around the glade. With the thick canopy of the sequoia gone, the full moon shone brightly and illuminated their surroundings. To the right was a small stream that cut through the wood. Further back, there was a waterfall that one could hear if they were quiet enough. To the left was a small shrine that the ancients must have used; it had long since been overtaken by nature, moss clinging to its stone facade and life sprouting from its base in the form of tiny mushrooms and wild grass. In front of them, more wood extended as far as the eye could see before fading into shadow and mist. The slightest breeze made the grass in the foreground dance. It was peaceful, calm, and Jehan often came out here to write or think. Sometimes Bahorel would come along and provide...certain distractions.

“You were sitting with your feet in the water when I met you,” Bahorel reminisced.

“I was resting; it's a long walk out here and the water soothed any aches I had. My feet weren't so tough back then.”

“Ah, yes. I always forget the spirit of the forest refuses to wear shoes.”

Jehan elbowed their companion in the side lightly, earning a laugh. “Hey,” Bahorel defended, “give me a break! You have to go do important royalty stuff starting tomorrow and I'm gonna be all alone. I have to get my fix in before you go!”

Jehan chuckled. “I'll only be gone a little while.”

“I know. I'm still going to miss you.”

A blush tinted Jehan's usually pale cheeks. “Is that why you've brought me here? So I have a longer trip back home before I leave in the morning?”

“No,” Bahorel said simply, turning to face Jehan. He ran a hand through his hair and exhaled, almost nervous. Bahorel never got nervous, so why now?

“I actually brought you here because I have something important I need to give you and it can't wait. I don't want you leaving without it.”

Jehan raised a brow. “Oh? What is it?”

Bahorel let out another anxious breath. He'd been involved with Jehan for a while now and knew as well as anyone that Jehan was a true romantic. There wasn't a doubt in his mind that Jehan had planned out their perfect proposal and Bahorel didn't want to fall short of those expectations.

“We've been together for a while now, you and I. And in that time, I like to think we've made each other pretty happy, right?”

Jehan smiled. “Yes.”

“And the other day as you were braiding my hair, you were talking about how the full moon is a really auspicious time, how you had a good feeling about your trip and this moon in general. You mentioned how things are at their peak and it's a time to celebrate, a time to turn your desires into realities.”

Jehan nodded, still smiling as Bahorel took their hands. They were completely clueless as to where Bahorel was going with all of this, but hell if he wasn't fiercely passionate about the whole thing.

“And I realized something. I realized what I desire more than anything else. What I want. And that's you. All of you. Everything you are and everything you do, I want all of it. I want all of you, the good and the parts you don't like so much, every day, for forever.”

Bahorel sank to a knee, gazing up at Jehan with love in his eyes. “What do you say, Jehan? Will you marry me?”

To say Jehan teared up was an understatement. The entire time Bahorel was speaking, Jehan was blubbering. He'd never been a wordsmith; Bahorel tended to let his actions speak for him in situations such as this. And yet, he put together the most beautiful string of words Jehan had ever heard. Beautiful words that Jehan couldn't have written better if they'd tried.

“Yes. Yes, of course I'll marry you!”

They wiped their eyes as they caught sight of the ring Bahorel held out. It was delicate and pretty, a golden band with wildflowers etched into the metal. It fit perfectly on their hand, surrounded by druidic symbols and words inked into their skin. Jehan looked at it for only a split second before tugging Bahorel to his feet and pulling him into a kiss.

As they separated, Bahorel brushed a strand of copper hair from Jehan's face, his eyes fixed on the beauty of his betrothed. “I love you, Jehan.”

“I love you more, Baz.”

Bahorel grinned and scooped Jehan into his arms, carrying them off to a special spot only the two of them knew. They'd have to get up pretty early if Jehan wanted to leave for the castle on time, but deadlines be damned. Tonight was just for them.

[youreallyshouldtalkmore]

Beads of Temptations (T’ChallaXReader)

So when I write Black Panther insert I assume the reader is black although I may not necessary say point blank it's a blackReader. This time I'm saying it's a blackReader because of the nature of this story.

In fact, you are a blackReader who is not from Africa....that will become extremely important for the context of this story.

Finally got around to posting this T’ChallaReader oneshot that has been in the waiting wings foreeeeever!!  It’s actually one of the first BP fanfics I did but you know how Erik is....he rises up and claims all your attention. 

But our King has arrived.... 

I’m tagging some people around that I’ve probably read a fanfic from you and you seem to be a T’Challa stan and I thought I’d share one of my favorite T’Challa fanfics I’ve done. (Considering find new fanfics for T’Challa and M’Baku can be a challenge....) Forgive me if I bothered you in any way. I tagged you in another T’Challa fanfic so let me know if you don’t want to be tagged. These are queued so I might not get to it in time: @sarahboseman @brianabreeze 

Walk to the left. Stop. Turn.

Walk to the right. Stop. Turn.

You gazed at the tall door that seemed more daunting then you last remember. You stared at it a moment before raising your hand to knock.

Then you paused and slowly lowered it before walking to the left. Stop Turn....

The two Dora Milaje, who were your personal bodyguards, exchanged a glance, amusement sparkling in their eyes but not on their stoic faces. They had escorted you to see Queen Mother and had arrived five minutes prior and you still had not gone in. In fact, it took you three minutes to just walk down the hallway to the door. You kept turning around deciding to forget before turning and going down the hallway once again.

One of them spoke, "My Queen..... Queen Mother will be delighted to see you."

Somewhere amidst a turn you replied, "That's not the problem here."

"Dare we knock for you?" the other asked with a straight face. The other nudged her in response.

You stopped abruptly and glared at them though there was warmth in your eyes and your mouth quirked, "Don't even think about it."

The one in question dipped her head in apology.

"Though you are right....its past a point of ridiculousness now, isn't it?" You ask.

Neither dared to confirm or deny but you knew them enough to see the resounding, 'YES' lingering above their heads.  You rolled your eyes playfully before this time knocking on the door. The door slide open and you entered to see Queen Mother sitting on a couch.

You bowed crossing your arms over your chest. "Queen Mother..." You murmured.

"I was wondering how long it would take you to knock, child." she said wryly beckoning your over.

You groaned walking over and taking a seat, "Queen Mother....you knew?"

Amusement glittered in her eyes as she gave a solemn nod, "Yes, I've been waiting for the last five minutes for you to knock."

You hung your head a moment before it popped back up. "I did not mean to disturb you. I just...ah....." you trailed off.

Ramonda raised an eyebrow. Although she knew that you were a little on the shy and quiet side, she had never seen you this nervous. The closest you might have been was your wedding day but that was more nervous excitement than anything. This time however you looked more scared nervous as you twiddled your fingers.

Her voice was gentle, "Child, if there is anything you need help with you know you can talk to me."

You nodded still twirling your fingers together,  "Ahh, yes I know.....it just......a little embarrassing maybe? I don't know quite how to brooch the subject. "

Ramonda nodded and contemplated, "Perhaps, you'd feel more comfortable talking to my son?"

"Uh-uh!!" You looked up at her then wide-eyed shaking your head vigorously.

Something that you couldn't talk to T'Challa about? Now Ramonda was a little worried.

You continued plucking at your fingers, "Actually.....it's because it's a girl thing, I think? I would ask my own mother but she wouldn't know and I figured you'd being Queen mother and all might be able to help me in this instance."

Ramonda nodded and looked at you to continue.

You looked away unable to meet your mother-in-law's eyes, "Ahh.....um....well...I had become interested...that is.....I was wondering if it would be appropriate for me.....to uh..... to wear an African waist bead."

Ramonda blinked. Her daughter-in-law was this nervous about that? Suddenly she chuckled making you look at her a bit miffed. "Mama...." you whined.

"I'm sorry by dear, but I cannot believe that that is what is making you quite flustered."

You looked off, your lip poking out, "Well, before meeting T'Challa I had done the DNA test and discovered that they were in line with some of my ancestry and I always thought it would be kinda cool thing to do with my future husband. But I didn't know if it was Wakandan thing plus I don't exactly have one or know where to get one."

"Peace my child." Ramonda laid a hand on your shoulder making you stop rambling. You looked at her as she smiled, "There are many who wear them. And many who has once upon a time."

Ramonda's eyes twinkled as you looked away from her fighting your own smile, "I didn't need to know that, Mama."

Ramonda folded her hands together, "I think it's a wonderful idea. And I'm so glad you came and talked to me about it. We will make sure that you have a beautiful waist bead for my son."

"Thank you." you smiled.

T'challa eyed his wife who disappeared into the bathroom as soon as he exited with a raised eyebrow. He knew that he had been very busy in the past weeks but not so much that he didn't know that something was up. His mother and wife that had began to disappear. 

To where, he wasn't exactly sure. 

When he cornered Shuri about it she swore up and down that she had no idea but had realized both of you had taken to vanishing over the last weeks as well.  

Now at first sign of walking into your shared bedroom you had disappeared into the bathroom? Usually, he’d get inquired about his day. T’Challa was sure you were hiding something.

But what, he wasn't sure of.

"(YN), are you well?" he called out in concern as he pulled off his robe only leaving his dark purple almost black silk pajama pants.

"What? Yeah, I'm fine." he heard you call out clearly distracted. 

Well, you did sound fine but either way.....

He laid his robe on a small chair next to the nightstand "You sure?"

"Yes, dear. I'm fine. Just give me a few minutes."

T'Challa sat on the side of the bed, cocking his head in thought. It did cross his mind to go busting up into the bathroom demanding to know what was going on. But you didn't seem to sound off....maybe it was him. He had been working hard lately. He knew he needed a break but there was so much to do. He rolled his shoulders a few times, trying to work out the kinks and proceeded to do his stretches for the next few minutes.

When he was done, he was about to lay down when the crack of the bathroom door sounded. He looked over and frowned. You had clearly opened the door but had not completely the motion.

"My Queen?" He questioned leaning back in his seat trying to peer in to see you.

"Huh?"

Now T'Challa was becoming worried, "Are you certain you are alright?"

"Just peachy."

"Alright." T'challa murmured under his breath. He had just about enough. He was about to stand up and walk over to open the door himself when it opened and you stepped out.

Quickly without much thought, he took in an assessment of you. You looked like you were well. Actually, you looked.....extremely well.

You stood a hand rest on either side of the door. Your thigh length sky blue robe was barely open, held together by the sash, showing your glistening Earth toned skin. Upon further inspection, he realized you had lined your eyes and wore big hoop earnings. A pretty gem sat in the middle of your forehead held by a golden medal clipped into your short kinky hair that framed your round face.

"You like what you see?" You asked with a soft smile.

T'challa unconsciously wetted his lips, "Always. What's the occasion?"

"No occasion." You took your hands down and held them in front of you. The motion made your robe drop off our shoulder. T'Challa's dark eyes followed it as it fell.

"Perhaps because you earned a break?" you asked in after thought.

T'Challa swallowed and answered after a moment, "My love, you tempt me but I have to be up earlier than normal tomorrow."

He truly did not need this beautiful distraction tonight. Yet, he was sorely tempted to deal with the consequences in the morning.

"Actually you don't." You pulled out a piece of paper from seemingly nowhere.

As you walked towards him, T'Challa noticed the little sway in your hips and barely looked at the paper you were waving so intent on the motion of them.

You smirked, "Your mother, Queen Mother has pardoned you for the day tomorrow. She insists that her words are obeyed and that you are left in my care.” 

You were close enough that he could smell the sweet oils that you used. He blinked and only snapped out of it when he finally heard his name. He looked up at your kohl lined eyes that twinkled at him.

"T'Challa....did you hear me? As I said, you are on break."

You held out the piece of paper. T'Challa took it from you and tossed it behind him in one fluid motion without looking at it.  "Well, I hate to disappoint both my mother and my wife, especially when they conspire against me."

He reached out with both hands to grab you by the hips but you took a few steps out of his reach.  T'Challa let his arms fall down, his nose going up once.

You laughed once, "Don't pout, my love."

"I'm not." T'Challa sulked.

You smiled, "I don't want you to ruin your surprise."

The King perked at this, "Surprise?"

As a response you untied the sash and allowed the robe to drop to the floor. You wore a purple lingerie set but that is not what T'Challa's eyes were drawn too. He was looking at the beads around your waist, glittering purple beads with random gold ones throughout.  

You shivered watching his eyes go smoky. He lingered for the longest before slowly looking back up at you, dead into your eyes.

You tilted your head and held his gaze until you could no longer and dropped it unable to meet his. "You like it?" you asked softly.

"Come here."

You looked at him startled a moment. His voice had gone husky and an octave lower. He had one hand up, fingers inches from you, his eye never leaving yours. You had no choice but to obey, taking the step closer so that his fingertips could graze across your skin. Your eyes fluttered as you took another step allowing his hand to lie flat on your stomach, just above the beads. He ran his hand around your middle to the small of your back, pulling you closer. His other hand came up and ran a finger across the beads.  

"This for me?" he asked.

You nodded as you quivered under his touch.

His chocolate eyes went liquid as he asked, "Is this what you have been so secretive about this past week?"

You managed to find your voice, "Yeah....I asked your mother about them. I didn't expect it to be such a production but she took me to a local bead shop and I was able to custom make this for you."

T'Challa fingers still, "For me? You strung this together for me?"

You nodded again, not meeting your husband's eyes.  "Do you like it?" you asked quietly.

You let out a surprised squeak when the band snapped into your stomach lightly.

A grin danced on T'Challa face, "No. I don't like it." His voice went deeper, "I love it. How could I not, my love? How could I not love that you put this together for me. I'm flattered."

You deftly twisted out of his grasp before he knew what was happening, "Careful my king. Your arrogance is showing."

T'Challa stood then, towering over you, "I'm never arrogant."

You duck around the tall mahogany post of your bed. Keeping it between the two of you, you leaned on it and batted your eyelashes at him, "You cannot hide your flaws from me, my King. I know you too well."

T'Challa reached up over your head and gripped the post, leaning down. You pressed your lips together and slowly lowered your eyes, "And what does my Queen suggest then? Hm?"  

He leaned even closer to your lips and and you moved your face away with a small chuckle, pushing off of the post. "I expect you to be a good little boy, my King. Do that and maybe you'll get your dessert...."

Slowly, T'Challa stood, dropping his hand to his side, "And what of you?"

You cocked your head to the side, "Moi?"

T'Challa hummed a moment locking his hands behind his back, "How can you expect me to be a good boy when you've been a bad girl, a naughty girl to be frank?"

"Hush your mouth! At what point in time did I be naughty?" You asked your eyes sparkling.  

"The moment you came out here in this..." T'Challa jerked his chin down your form, "...But your sins started much sooner, didn't it?"

"What sins?" You asked crossing your arms.

T'Challa cocked his head, "Must I count the ways?"  

"Count 'em", you challenged.

"Very well. If I must.” T’Challa replied lazily. He lifted his chin and looked down at you with hooded eyes, “You have conspired with the Queen Mother, not only to make these beads specifically for me, keeping it a secret from your King but also to give me a day off tomorrow.  That is two counts. You are wearing not only a tempting outfit but these beads. That is four. You took care and time to make yourself up. That shows intent on your part to corrupt. That is five. And now, after getting me where you want me, you still deny me my pleasure. That is six."

All throughout this you were blinking and trying not to laugh. It wasn't really working as a grin was splitting your face. You tried your hardest to look angry or insulted but it wasn't working.

Finally you settled on trying to look at haughty as possible. The few chuckles ruined the overall effect, "At what point did I deny you your pleasure?"

"I want to touch you, my Queen."

"You can afford to a little patience."

As quick as lightening, you were pulled around the bed and flushed against T'Challa chest, his arm wrapped securely around you. You rested a hand on his chest, looking up at him from under your eyelashes.

"My patience is quite gone now."

"You speak of my sins, my King. What of yours? You will get yourself in trouble if you keep this up."

He gave a boyish grin, "I certainly hope so. But I am willing take my punishment. Are you willing to take yours?"

His other hand reached up and trailed over the beads grazing your stomach, this time trailing over your navel. You shivered once more. He repeated the action.

T'Challa leaned down and whispered in your ear, "Does that please my Queen?"

You gave an affirmative sound, your face buried in the crook of his shoulder.

"Good." he murmured. "Because I have many plans for you and this waist bead."

"I heard that as my husband you are supposed to take it off during....." You figure eight-ed your head as you trailed off.

"You heard right but that doesn't have to be so. Like I said, I have many plans for you and this waist bead."

You lifted your head and looked up at him curiosity in your features, "Do tell?"

T'Challa eyebrows lifted once, "Do not be in such a hurry. Patience is a virtue."

"Hmmm..." You pouted.

T'Challa reached up and grasped your chin, "Though I can tell you one thing right now."

"Hm?"

T'Challa grinned.

I hope you enjoyed this reader-insert. Would anyone be interested in a part 2 with T’Challa’s plans for the waist beads? If I could come up with an idea I would probably have a part 2 but right now this is it for this oneshot. 

So this reader-insert was quite a bit of indulgent. I actually did do a DNA test earlier this year and have been learning about African history and culture not related to the slave trade.

I came across African waist beads one day and I adore the concept. I have learned that there are vast reasons as to why women would wear waist beads, from spirituality, to coming of age, to healing, and even to tell men when they are....ah..... "available"

Several sources to start you on your journey about African waist beads: 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L9hSKDr33nk

https://www.meandmywaist.com/waist-beads-uses/

https://answersafrica.com/the-african-waist-beads-significance-and-uses.html

http://www.griotsrepublic.com/whats-waist-beads/

http://waistbeadsbyfatou.tumblr.com/info

 I hope that I managed to write this concept pretty well. If there is some glaring errors please let me know. I am still learning.

Also, I have an M’Baku version of this story. 

[reyloisblessed]

The Real Reason Rey Came For Luke and the Importance of the Mirror Cave

(Disclaimer: I haven’t seen TLJ in its entirety, so I might have a few things misinterpreted or missing.) 

In a specific scene Rey admits to Luke that she came to him more so because something inside her has awakened and she’s afraid. She needs help, because she realizes that something has drawn her to this place. This is part Rey’s personal character journey, but there is another even more complex thing happening with her journey to Ahch-To. 

I’d like to argue the possibility that the reason behind Rey coming to Luke is actually because she’s attempting to retrieve Luke for Ben, not the Resistance, though this is obviously not her character’s intent nor is it in the context. This is purely subtext and ties into the whole importance of the Mirror Cave later. It’s an act of Fate -- the Force -- intervening and using Rey as a trigger to bring Luke and Ben together after all these years, even if only with Luke projecting his visage to Ben. It’s the very act of them meeting and their exchange that is so important. 

Our two halves must find balance, but for that to happen the past must be set to rest. Let’s backtrack.

THE FORCE AWAKENS & REY’S REJECTION TO THE CALL OF DESTINY:

In TFA, we see Ben’s first sign of conflict on Jakku -- where Rey happens to be located -- when he allows Finn (at the time FN-2187) go despite him disobeying his direct order. This is crucial, because it is Finn who rescues Poe, admitting that he needs a pilot to escape, and crash-landing on Jakku. This puts Finn into Rey’s direct path and it is she that plays an integral role in setting things into motion. She is pivotal to this trilogy despite her recently revealed origins. 

THE FORCE INTERVENES --

While attempting to escape from the TIE fighters on Jakku, Finn points out the Millineum Falcon. (Fate *cough* the Force *cough* is giving us a big neon sign, here.)

Rey flies the Millineum Falcon off of Jakku to get Finn to a Resistance base. (That ship would have never left Jakku at that exact moment without Rey’s and Finn’s intervention.)

Because of her, Han Solo tracks the ship and takes it back. 

Ben Solo is told that a girl aided FN-2187 and the droid in their escape and he reacts strangely. 

Han decides to aid them in getting the droid to the Resistance, but he does not wish to see Leia. (He wants to avoid what the Force is requiring of him. This is crucial!)

The Skywalker lightsaber calls to Rey, but she initially rejects the call of Fate.

Ben inserts himself into the battle on Takodana and goes straight for Rey. She on the other hand desires to go back to Jakku (her past where she waits for parents who didn’t give a damn about her). Ben abducts her, dragging her right back into FATE with him.

The growing friendship between Finn and Rey cements their loyalty to one another. and this drives Finn to lie and say he can shut down Precinct 47, which again helps get Han to Starkiller Base.

Rey calls out Ben on his fear in the interrogation scene, but he also calls out her abandonment issues and comments on her fondness of Han. (Extremely important factors for TLJ.)

Han meets his son to convince him to come back, but Ben refuses and kills him. (The most important element here is that Han FORGIVES Ben immediately after and hopes his son will forgive him. Han finds peace!)

Rey witnesses this act. (very, very important)

Rey and Ben duel. This is arguably where their Force Bond is fully activated. 

Rey says she is no one and that is true from a certain point of view (as a GA member), but from a narrative view point she is KEY. Only she could get Han Solo to a position where he would confront his son. Only she could stir the compassion in Ben’s heart even as he remains a loyal puppet to Snoke’s whims. She witnesses Ben killing Han and she doesn’t understand. She comes from nothing and sees someone who had a father who gave his life for him. As I’ve stated in previous meta and conversations, Rey coming to understand Ben through Han is central to Ben’s redemption. 

These two characters are mirrors and equal protagonists in the narrative. They are individuals with unique flaws and backstories, but they are also connected intimately through FATE.

THE LAST JEDI & LUKE’S REVELATION:

Luke has exiled himself, drowning in his guilt, but this is not where Luke must remain. The most important takeaway from TLJ for Luke’s arc is that he cannot help Ben. This is not Luke’s burden to bear. It never was. Yoda’s ghost even hints as much when he sets the tree on fire and tells Luke that the books aren’t for him. That they must not lose Rey. Most will assume this line means that Rey is to battle Ben and kill him off as a standard Jedi, but this is a misdirection. If Rey is lost -- killed, or sides with Ben as he is now -- Ben remains lost, as well. No balance can be achieved!

Luke in his final act has come to understand this very thing. That is why he tells Leia that he has come to face Ben. That he cannot help him, but also suggests to Leia that Ben can still be saved even after she admits she’s lost hope in her son. Luke is going to face the past, what he did to Ben, the betrayal and the aftermath that is Kylo Ren. Through this act, Luke finds peace and ascends into the Force.

This is so very important, because Ben’s past belonged to more than just himself. It’s one of the key reasons why he’s never been able to escape the darkness in him. Luke ran, Han ran, and Leia dealt with it the best way she knew how. But notice that Luke and Han came back to confront him, to apologize for their shortcomings. Through this they found peace, which is crucial in Ben eventually finding peace, too. 

And who was it that triggered these events? REY. Ben’s opposite. His mirror and his equal. She goes to the island and her very presence sets things into motion. 

She has dreamed of the island since she could remember and here’s why. Ben Solo is fated as her other half, disparate pieces of opposite origins. Yin and Yang. He is out of balance and only though confronting the past, which he so desperately wants to kill, can he find balance again. Rey must find balance as well. Ben helps her in finding it through their interactions via the Force Bond. 

THE MIRROR CAVE:

Others have already pointed out that Rey actually sees Ben’s silhouette in the cave before seeing herself and this meta will obviously agree with them. Rey’s most innate desire has been belonging and family. She has lied to herself for many years and willingly remained on Jakku instead of leaving and seeking out belonging (finding her other half, that extra ass Skywalker-Solo peacock with the pretty hair). The Force had to intervene.  

What Rey sees in the mirror cave is herself, but why is this? Well, I argue that it’s because only she that can bring Ben into balance. What makes their journey so difficult is they are both already so off kilter. Notice how Ben’s interactions with Rey give her purpose, direction, resolve.

The mirror cave is also an allegory for self-reflection and delving deep into the subconscious. The most telling factor is the following scene after this with Ben and Rey touching hands and sharing a vision. The fact that Rey says she feels so alone and Ben says (off screen, BTW, kind of like a nod to the silhouette) that she’s not alone is huge. And it’s true, if you take what I’ve listed above from TFA, Ben was never truly alone. Rey’s influence to aid in him achieving balance has always been there and vice versa. Ben’s choice not to kill Finn inevitably took Rey out of her hell and has brought her to walk her true path.

BEN & REY PART WAYS:

In the end, Rey knows what she has to do, but she still feels hollow because Ben goes down a path she refuses to walk. His choice is primarily out of a skewed idea of his purpose. (He is the one most out-of-balance.) This is exactly why Luke’s confrontation with him later is imperative. Ben’s past haunts him and it's only after confronting both his father and his uncle that he can begin finding closure. (Because of Carrie Fisher’s passing, we can’t know how the mother and son dynamic will be handled, unfortunately.)

And just to address the elephant in the room: Ben killed Snoke, his tormentor and abuser. All these things in such a short amount of time. Let the boy breathe.

Rey has done her part for her opposite. She has set into motion the embers for his rebirth as a whole person, integrating his shadow and his conscious self. She just doesn’t understand this entirely, I feel. From a general standpoint, she has failed, but this couldn’t be further from the truth. She has succeeded in more ways than one could possibly imagine. 

Lastly, Ben delivers a crucial line after he kills Snoke and they combat the praetorian guards.

“You’ve no place in the story. You come from nothing. You’re nothing, but not to me.”

The irony of this line is punctuated by the fact that Rey is the deciding factor in this story. It is she that came from nothing and is the KEY to everything. To Ben she is his other half. To the story as a whole she is an unknown, but a character who will be revered before the narrative is over. She’s an essential element in triggering the events of Snoke’s downfall and she will bring balance to her opposite, but Ben must face his demons on his own now as Rey faced the mirror cave. 

[braveryjournals]

New beginnings – leaping into the unknown.

Disclaimer: always do what feels right to you. Don’t listen to me or anybody else. Search yourself for answers and do only what you feel you are able to handle at this stage of your life and your development. 

Life brings unexpected turns. Or shall we say, we're not always able to foresee what is the best, most relevant thing we should do next. From our limited, earthly, human point of view, we cannot see the whole picture so when those moments happen we may feel uncertain and anxious. But just think about it: sometimes the most unexpected, crazy things come our way and there's no way we would be able to bring them about with the means of control and out limited mind-based perspective. They would seem out of reach or irrelevant. The thing is life is not linear, the events don't line up perfectly so our CVs make sense. This life is not a German fantasy, all ordered and perfect, it's a fucking jungle. In a good sense, of course.

If you think all this perfect universe, working like a swiss clock and regulating all life on this planet and beyond is here so that you can get up every morning feeling miserable, working in a job you hate (or not, I’m just giving an extreme example), fall asleep while watching Netflix and get up the following day to do the same for the rest of your life... well think again. What a huge waste of energy and intelligence this would be!

So how did it become somehow normal? It's crazy.

Sometimes I tell my friends - if this was the way life should be, if this is actually what life is, I'd rather be dead tomorrow.

Fortunately, it is not so, so I guess I will stick around for a while. I know I can be radical sometimes, but I'd rather be radical than frustrated. And I also think we need to be more radical with the way we live our lives otherwise there's not going to be any change we’re in such a desperate need of.

But let's get to the specifics and focus on some practical examples (taken from my personal experience).

Long story short I got into a situation I didn't particularly enjoy. I started in a new job a few months ago, feeling enthusiastic about the new start, but at the same time intuitively sensing that it would bring a lot of challenge for my inner balance. Even before I started there the intention I set for this new chapter was to be the light, to be the transformation. Like... how did I even know this would be called for? Anyway, I quickly realized that was the case and it was very difficult for me to do. I felt there were so many elements that would need to be fixed and not so much will to work on them so there's only so much you can do while still respecting the will of others and their choice to do things a certain way and remain on the low vibrational frequency.

I was alternating between being drawn into this energy, feeling frustration and buying into the gossip and complaining which the entire company fed on, and working my way through with my energy, focussing on raising my vibration, letting go of the negativity and practicing forgiveness and unconditional love. I started bringing stones with me to work which I found worked pretty well. I was wondering whether I should just drop this situation altogether or would it just be avoidance. When I set an intention of manifesting freedom, in whatever form, and maintaining the high vibes no matter the circumstances I was fired from work. And I felt a great sense of relief.

Now, for most people it is a negative event but as I hope you can clearly see, in this context it just makes perfect sense. The experience acted as a contrast on many different levels, that is I realized what I don't want and where I need to go next. It's very important to see value in contrast. Without it, we would hardly be able to see what is our true preference.

I am now finding myself in front of a blank piece of paper. Standing on an edge of a bottomless abyss, not knowing what will come, let alone the how. People are asking me, and what are you going to do now???

Well, this is what I'm going to do and I want to write this down (in the end it's a journal) so it's on record for future reference. (Now I will have to be really confident about this working out!)

1. Ignore the circumstances completely and turn inwards.

Worrying and feeling insecure naturally appear in this time of not knowing what is going to happen. Anxiety kicks in. But what's the point of getting involved in them? How are they of any use?

We believe we cannot or shouldn't disconnect from those natural safety mechanisms because then we won't get what we want. When they appear it’s important to investigate what hidden belief is behind them.

2. Examine your limiting beliefs in operation and let go of them.

Ask yourself: What do I believe if I feel this way?

And then: Why do I believe what I believe? What is this belief providing me with or is protecting me from?

Usually, the answer will look like – I believe that I am not safe without any plan/ I believe I'm separated from the whole/ I live in a hostile world of which I am a victim/ I am not naturally supported by the universe.

Why? Because I believe those beliefs will keep me safe. If I believe in that I will have strength and stamina for fighting for my survival.

This kind of thinking comes from the lower energetic centers which are responsible for the instinctual responses and survival. It's all fine, we are animals in some ways but we want to make it conscious so we can operate from the higher energy centers and so gain access to a higher wisdom, instead of operating on compulsive or fear-based instincts.

Therefore it's crucial that we ignore the situation completely and don't take our cues from the circumstances. If we do we will fall into this fear trap – Omg, I lost my job, what am I going to do now? I will be broke, my life will be miserable, who knows when I find a new one, it's so difficult to find a good job nowadays (in this city, in my profession etc.), people will think I'm a failure, I feel like a failure, I'm not good enough... blablabla. You see how easily those limiting beliefs can flow providing you with more scary visions and limitations.

Remember that if you will buy into them, you will get what you're asking for. And that's not how we want the new beginning to look like!

Once the limiting belief is identified it should leave. Sometimes you'll need to filter the same belief through those question more than once till it's let go. Investigate yourself and identify all the beliefs you have about the situation, all the ideas you got from conditioning, projections... everything. It may take some time. You may need to take time off to do this in peace and quiet. It may feel uncomfortable, most probably it will because you're dealing with layers of conditioning and beliefs you just picked up unconsciously. You need to make it conscious so you can be free.

3. Let go of control and jump.

Many people feel they cannot just ignore the situation because they feel like as responsible adults they need to look the problem realistically and deal with it. But if you focus too much on your situation you may find yourself blocked. You're already dealing with labels and projects from your friends and family. They don't matter, just stay sane in your own mind and soul and jump! Jump to that abyss.

Looking at the problem won't help because it will just bring more of the same. You can as well say, ok Universe here I am. I am ready to bring to the world whatever you want me to. Be open and humble and jump.

Ponder this: what are you gaining holding onto your present vision of the reality? Nothing new can come from repeating the same ideas, acknowledging survival fears and staying in the present conditioned state of mind. If you want to make a leap and enter a new stage of your life you need to make a risk. It's actually not a great risk to leave behind a boring and outdated version of yourself, but it may feel like something dangerous. Just realize you have nothing to lose so you may as well let yourself be carried by the universe and see what else is out there that you would not be able to conceive with your limited human mind.

4. Live your new vibration.

Seach yourself for your desires and see what is it that you desire to feel in your new life. What is your true essence? Feel it and make it your reality. Stay in this vibration as much as you can. Make your whole day, your whole life turn around this high vibratory state: consume only things that are in alignment, meet people who resonate with you, meditate, do yoga, go for a walk in nature, walk slower, be more mindful of the beauty around you, be gentle to yourself, send love to others, sing, dance, do something creative, smile for no reason, eat good food and so on.

Envision yourself embodying the new vibration and living an aligned life. You may only focus on the way you feel. It may be feeling expanded, inspired, loved, appreciated, connected. Or you may envision a specific symbol of how it would look like, so a specific circumstance: an inspiring job, living your theme, having a beautiful house and a family or whatever that is that would symbolize your new frequency.

Focus on this vibration and try to maintain it despite the circumstances.

Remember that the outside reality seems very real only because it's what we see all the time. It's very distracting, it's shouting at us all the time. But that's where its power ends because it has no real power. Don't forget that. It's like those small dogs that make a lot of noise, exactly because they're powerless and ridiculous.

So live your new vibration and be confident there's no way anything can go wrong from here. Reality has no other choice than reflect it back to you. That's how it works, period. Just don't doubt, don't give up your power going back to the „safe” space of tight but familiar beliefs and fears. I mean, you will do whatever you want, but if you feel it's the moment to jump into the unknown, take the chance life has provided you with. If you don't then it's fine, it will come back to you some other time anyway.

I feel like I laid out a whole recipe for enlightenment in this short post but I think it's important to address all the methods and ideas from specific and practical angles. I hope it will resonate with some of you. 

As I wrote at the beginning it also holds me accountable for my own transformation so I will keep you posted. I’m excited! 

[spockandawe]

So, I think we need to talk about Terminus. Because there is some interesting stuff going on there. And after LL06, I was upset and confused and wanted to figure out what was going on, and I tripped over some fascinating things along the way. Behind a cut for spoilers and length.

I’m so sad about this, guys. I wanted to adore Terminus so bad. I still kind of do love him, like I love Prowl or Getaway. But I’ve been assuming that he’s a good boy, and… I’m pretty sure he is not that thing.

The picture we’ve gotten of Terminus thus far (filtered mostly through Megatron’s fond/affectionate/admiring point of view) is of an intelligent, resourceful mentor who was able to help him channel his thoughts into his publications, and then get those publications distributed even from their shitty mining outpost. Terminus gave him the guidance he needed to find his footing. I really, really wanted to adore him as much as Megatron does.

But let’s take away those affection goggles. Terminus is used to being able to steer Megatron. He proofreads(/edits, I’m sure) his writing, and he controls distribution. The time we see him sitting (lying) with Megatron, while his legs are gone, that’s some quietly powerful stuff. We see the injustice the miners are dealing with, his insistence on the importance of Megatron’s work, the intense amounts of future potential babby Megatron is working with. But how about we take a quick look at the things he’s doing and saying.

Okay, Megatron is writing. He’s a good writer, he has a talent for it, and it seems to be work he finds rewarding. Terminus is telling him that no, if that’s not enough, then you, PERSONALLY, must do more. You may have to force the issue, and you may have to use your fists.

Megatron, in the innocent flower of his youth, is kinda distressed by this. He’s upset at the idea of him personally wading into a fight, but Terminus turns the conversation away from directly discussing violence. He uses Megatron’s own words to emphasize how important it is for someone to work against the injustice at the heart of a system. And this is all being framed as Megatron’s job, mind, not a duty where he volunteered, knowing the full scope of what he was signing up for.

Let’s just look at that quote one more time.

“Never back down. Never compromise. Never bend. The moment you try to accommodate a rival set of interests, you subordinate your own.”

Like… wow, dude.

In the context of this conversation, this moment kind of rolls past without being lingered over, kind of like the Pharma-feeling-guilty tidbit in the Tyrest arc. We’ve just seen Terminus with a busted body, where it’s not worth it to save him, so he’s been left to starve to death. And we’re headed right into the reveal that he’s been menaced by people who want to stop Megatron from writing. Plus he delivers the line very calmly and quietly, and he’s been speaking about righting injustices.

But dang is that an impressively bitter line.

This isn’t as intense as the last panel. But Megatron tries to call attention back to the group, and power resting with the collective, and Terminus is like nope, one Supreme Leader, you’ll be able to see after you force people to accept it.

And the contrast between needing someone to rally behind and needing someone to hold that leadership position forever is interesting. Because Megatron’s three questions to the senate were: ‘In whose interests do you exercise your powers? To whom are you held accountable? And how can we get rid of you?’ There are ways to answer that within Terminus’s paradigm, but not really in any way that’s reassuring that abuses of power won’t occur. After the war ended, Optimus ditched his name and peaced out into space, specifically trying to avoid this exact problem. And this is still sheltered, innocent, young Megatron. This isn’t setting up a healthy, fair future government structure, as is.

So the scene wraps up in a much less directly pushy way. But when Megatron suggests that maybe he should take a little break from writing to protect Terminus, Terminus shoots that right down. It’s still pretty pushy, even if it’s more subtle than before. Not only should Megatron keep writing, he should write more. And that writing makes him a leader, like Terminus said before. So just, y’know, keep that stuff in mind. About forcing the issue and using your fists and being a figurehead.

But that statement, that the people are hungry and Megatron needs to feed them… This is pretty classic imagery, fairly commonplace. However, consider it in the context of how Terminus isn’t getting repaired and his rations are getting withheld, and Megatron is going on dangerously short rations to help keep him alive. This is a sucker punch right to the heart, and I have a hard time believing Terminus wasn’t aware of that incredibly direct parallel. Look what you’re doing for me. Are you saying you’d do less for all of Cybertron?

Terminus’s active influence ends there, because he poofs off into the sunset, and Megatron is just left to remember what Terminus taught him. And to feel intensely guilty that in the last few minutes before evacuation, he gathered the datapads with his writing instead of looking for the missing Terminus.

Anyways, smash cut to four million and something years later.

We’ve got the first edition of Megatron’s big manifesto being dedicated to Terminus, though that was removed in all subsequent editions, because Terminus taught him ‘not to get attached.’ Given the emotions in that scene up above, maybe this is just because the pain and guilt there made him reluctant to open himself up to that happening again. But… this is honestly fairly in line with the philosophy Terminus was trying to convince him was right.

Look at how Megatron generally behaves during the war, in phase one and early phase two. I tend to refer to him as cult leader Megatron to differentiate him from present Megatron, because the differences are huge. Now, check out all those things Terminus was telling Megatron were necessary. Use your brain and your fists. Take the lead personally. Be a figurehead. The collective doesn’t matter as much as the person sitting pretty in a position of ultimate power, and be prepared to sit there alone.

And more than anything else, consider how he was told to never back down, compromise, or bend.

Terminus was legit out of the picture, as an independent, active force. But when you look at his philosophy and look at the behavior of classic warlord-flavor Megatron, Terminus’s fingerprints are all over the way Megatron carries himself.

The comic has memories and truth and manipulation as some of its major, major themes. Mnemosurgery means these come up pretty regularly, but manipulation comes up in other ways too, like with attempted blackmail, Rodimus being pressured to bring Overlord along for the ride (and Chromedome being recruited to work with him), Trailcutter’s drinking problem being derailed with a brute force permanent reactivation of his FIM chip, all kinds of flavors. Especially Getaway, right now.

In the pre-trial part of the comic, Megatron makes it very clear that he has an extremely negative reaction to the idea of anyone going into his brain, even if they claim they only have the most benign intentions. He’s also just generally pretty resistant about being influenced by… anybody. He does what he wants, and doesn’t afraid of anything. It shows through in general, even once he starts developing in a positive direction, like with how high-handed he is with permanently reactivating Trailcutter’s FIM chip. But it shows up more explicitly at times, like in phase one where Starscream tries to ask why they’re farting around one stupid alien city when they should be winning an intergalactic war. Even when Starscream makes an appeal about the ideals under which the Decepticons were formed, Megatron completely ignores those words. He just… does whatever the heck he wants.

Now, it’s not clear how much of that is due to what Terminus taught him versus the trauma from the almost-lobotomy and the rest of that day. But it’s very much in line with the things we see Terminus telling him about never bending or compromising. That’s almost the last thing Terminus ever tells him before he disappears, and it’s very much in line with how we see Megatron acting during the war proper. Even once he’s on the Lost Light and starts to really become a part of the crew, he’s just not a person who seems very concerned with what other people think he ought to do.

But then at the end of MTMTE 55, Megatron is a stressed-out mess, who was planning to die and was only barely persuaded away from that when Rodimus teleported in to rescue him. He’s just broken the vow of pacifism he’d been trying to take up, he’s on a planet that’s a massive reminder of his past mistakes, and he’s fighting the DJD, another reminder of his past mistakes. Then he watches his old, old friend die. He decides to peace out, and even threatens Ratchet in the heat of the moment, when Ratchet is trying to talk him down.

But then Terminus pops up, and Megatron just immediately snaps out of it. He drops the cannon, drops the idea that he’s going to leave, all of it. He goes straight to Terminus and immediately embraces him, which is a gesture of intimacy unlike anything we’ve seen from him in the comic. He’s been affectionate with Ravage, giving him scritches, but in the holiday comic he even says specifically that he doesn’t do hugs.

And his very, very first words to Terminus are about how he ‘lost his way’. He’s vulnerable, he’s taking comfort in someone, he’s telling his old mentor, who used to teach and guide him, he lost his way. It’s hard to say whether he completely falls into orbit around Terminus with the way the comic POV cuts away from them, but at that incredibly low moment, he recenters himself on Terminus. No matter how hard Megatron is to influence, Terminus has this old leftover backdoor into his trust, and the way Megatron reacts to him here is unlike we’ve seen him react to anyone else. Megatron is used to letting Terminus guide him, even if he’s been operating without that active guidance for millions of years.

Now, the overarching narrative of this comic keeps coming back around to manipulation, betrayal, and lies. A lot of this comes back around to Rodimus, with the way Prowl manipulated him into taking Overlord on board, the way Drift took the fall for Overlord to protect him, the vote of no confidence after he owns up to Overlord. Plus there’s always Getaway and his… everything.

This goes all the way back into phase one and the spotlight issues about his history with Dealer. We don’t see much of the fallout directly, but it really sounds like Rodimus took the loss of his team hard, and that has to hurt even more once he learns that it happened because someone he trusted betrayed him. And then we see it playing very, very directly into the story right now, with how furious Rodimus is over Getaway. I don’t know if we’ve ever seen him this angry, and it’s kind of alarming. Which makes it pretty painful to read  the way issue six ends with him thinking that after the Dying Of The Light, after everything they’ve been through, Megatron has betrayed them all.

Now, Megatron being resistant to manipulation is something that I already discussed. But Megatron himself can be pretty darn manipulative. He plots, he’s always planning, he’s always assessing the situation and working out strategies to get what he wants. And frequently that involves getting people to do certain things. I don’t know if this is even all conscious. He’s charismatic enough, he’s an icon in his own right, and he’s a large, intimidating person. But it’s definitely sometimes conscious. We see the way he provokes Optimus towards the end of phase one, getting him to lash out. We see him needling Starscream in spotlight: megatron until he finally lashes out. And we see him prodding and provoking Rodimus in quieter ways after he joins the crew.

I’m sure this is a combination of deliberate action and longstanding bad habits. But as he spends more time on the Lost Light, you see that start to fade. He’s more respectful of others, you see him expressing his doubt over everything he’s done and seeking ways to better himself. He’s less dismissive of everyone and more understanding. And even though he’s always been so resistant to outside influence, by the time we hit the Dying Of The Light, he’s willing to defer to Rodimus as a leader instead of just prodding him into making the decisions that Megatron wants, because Megatron always knows best.

He calls Rodimus and Ultra Magnus his conscience, which really says that he recognizes some of his own bad habits he’s learned over the years, and is trying to compensate for them. By the time issue six ends, he’s preaching peace through empathy, which is an incredibly striking change from his earlier philosophy. Instead of tyranny and ordering people to do what you decide is best, he’s advocating compassion and trying to understand other people’s needs.

The flip side of manipulation and betrayal is the idea of trust, especially building trust, and repairing relationships once that trust has been betrayed. We see this trust building between Cyclonus and… everyone, really, but especially Whirl and Tailgate. We see the way Nautica is so upset by the reveal that Brainstorm has been lying, we see the aftermath of Rodimus revealing to the crew that he was responsible for Overlord, and we see Drift and Rodimus reuniting, and the way Drift is hurt by the way Rodimus never came back for him after the truth was revealed about Overlord. We see the effort that goes into it

Nobody trusted Megatron at first. Which makes complete sense. The gradual buildup of trust has been slow, but it’s such an important part of his development. Instead of being that lone figurehead Terminus told him to be (the authoritarian figurehead that he ultimately became), he learns to back away from that position and respect other people as people.

And gradually they start to accept him. For most of the crew, it’s more that they just tolerate him. Because they have to. But the environment he’s in is enough that he tells Velocity that he’s never been so happy in his life. In particular, his relationships with Ultra Magnus and Rodimus in season two go from being persistently antagonistic to being cooperative and friendly, with teasing that’s teasing instead of just conversational jabs at each other.

There are similar slow-burn trust-building relationships in the comic, like with Cyclonus, or with Drift and Ratchet. But the effect it has on Megatron is incredibly striking. This time when he’s never been so happy in his life, this is the same time where he’s feeling more guilt over his past than he ever has before. This is when he dents his own head with how much it affects him when he’s hit with the guilt gun. If the inside of Megatron’s head is about guilt, he’s drinking what he thinks is poison for every meal, and he’s making drastic moves like refusing to fight in any way, but he’s still this happy (and just look at the softness of that smile, coming from Megatron, oh my gosh), that happiness almost has to revolve around the relationships, and trust, that he’s built since coming aboard.

Now, consider how much time it took to build even an uneasy trust between Megatron and anyone from the Lost Light. Consider his trust in Ravage. And then just take a look at how easily he yields into Terminus. It’s a shame Ravage died, because I’d love to see how Megatron would react to Ravage and Terminus disagreeing over something. That trust with Terminus was built when Megatron was young and inexperienced, and I have a hard time believing someone could earn that much trust from him over anything at this point in time. The conversations they have are short, which is a shame. But the only time we see anything even close to this open from Megatron is when he’s talking to the distant past version of Optimus.

Okay now. Let’s remember what Megatron said to Rung.

If Terminus taught Megatron not to get attached, this is… different. Now, there is that ambiguity of how much Terminus explicitly taught him versus how Megatron dealt with the trauma of his terrible horrible no good very bad day.

But then if you look at Terminus’s quote about never bending, never compromising—Those don’t sound like how you ought to be treating a friend. Terminus doesn’t even tell him not to compromise his ideals, he tells Megatron not to compromise his interests. That’s pretty extreme. And then take into account the things Terminus said about a lone figurehead being necessary, one who sits alone. The text doesn’t lay everything out, but the implication I’m taking away from his words is that he doesn’t think Megatron should get attached to people, or at least that interpersonal relationships need to have a hierarchy that places Megatron at the top.

Which is kind of odd, given the way he and Megatron play off each other.

If you take as a basic premise that Terminus outright told Megatron ‘don’t get attached to people,’ then how does that flavor what we see on the page. It says don’t get attached to anyone… except me. Don’t bend to the will of other people…. even though this is a conversation where I’m telling you to do things you don’t want to do. You need to be the lone figurehead, the single ultimate leader…….. but still you need to do these things I’m telling you to do.

On its own, I never even noticed those contradictions. Megatron here is young and inexperienced, he doesn’t want to fight or lead, he’s more comfortable in the land of philosophy than in taking direct real life action. It makes sense that his mentor would be nudging him to grow and expand his comfort zone.

But then why does Terminus still keep acting similarly once Megatron has four million years of wartime leader experience behind him?

Megatron and Terminus are sitting in a massive field of the death flowers, Megatron has been explaining the war, and given his recent development, has almost definitely been very frank about how much death and destruction he’s been responsible for. Like… the war destroyed their entire planet for a while there, never even mind Cybertronian and alien casualties. Or the MTOs and their horrifyingly short expected lifespan. Even if Megatron only bears partial responsibility, he’s still responsible for a LOT.

Terminus’s response is immediately about how he’s sure Megatron is being too hard on himself. Um. About that. Well— This is a difficult conversation to field, and an incredibly huge scope to process. It’s understandable that he’d make some kind of comforting/reassuring response. And then the next two things he says are about gosh, look at you giving orders, and how he can’t wait to see Megatron TAKING CHARGE. Again, in the moment, not suspicious. But it’s really starting to play into a thematic whole.

And when you’re looking at the page with suspicious eyes, it even starts with him telling Megatron how to feel, and reminding him of wow, you remember when we were MINERS? And stuck in that dangerous mine? Remember what our life was like back then? And again, on its own, this looks incredibly innocuous. It feels like overreacting to mistrust this. But it’s really in line with the quiet way he tries to steer Megatron.

In the next issue, Terminus gets excited again about how good Megatron is at command and fights (even If Megatron himself is not directly fighting). Like before, it feels so overblown to get hung up on this panel as something suspicious, but it keeps adding up to a consistent whole.

But here’s where I start feeling a little less guilty about that suspicion. Terminus knows that their war is over. Megatron did the war leader thing, Megatron ditched the war leader thing. The personal cause Terminus was trying to get him to fight for, the cause that Terminus was so bitter over (only a day or two ago by his awareness), that’s been resolved. Terminus never got to watch it unfold, and he didn’t get to win. He’s heard that Megatron was that authoritarian leader, but Megatron didn’t get to win the war and seize full control like Terminus had been urging him to do.

And would you just look at that, here’s another Cybertron with another clearly oppressed class just begging to be led and saved. Compassion is the easiest motive to read into Terminus here. It’s natural. It’s what’s the reader has been nudged to feel. That’s how I read it the first time through.

Consider, why does Terminus want to stay here? Their universe isn’t perfect, but functionism has been solidly obliterated. Nobody’s being pushed into the mines. Paying for medical services doesn’t seem to be an issue as far as the medics we’ve seen. There’s social space for noncombatants to exist. There’s this group of friendly mechs here who seem glad to have him, including his old adoring mentee, who was so overwhelmed and happy to see him miraculously alive again. Why does he want to leave that? Even if Megatron didn’t win the war, the oppressive social structures that were screwing them over are gone. Why does he want to go to this war-torn, fascist mess of a planet, where those old enemies have been getting more entrenched, more powerful, and more oppressive? Compassion is one answer, sure. But are we sure he doesn’t want to just… win?

Terminus decides for himself to stay. Which is his right. And it’s understandable. And it’s understandable that if he’s staying, he’d try to get Megatron to stay with him. But it’s sure interesting that he watches Megatron and Rodimus squabble over Rodimus not trusting Megatron’s intentions. And then the moment Terminus and Megatron are alone again, Terminus is leaning on Megatron hard to stay here with him.

It’s all those old urgings again. Megatron led, Megatron fought. He’s done that for four million years. But the way Terminus talks to him here is just like when Megatron was young and inexperienced and reluctant to be a figurehead. Sure, this could be habit, Terminus hasn’t had long to adjust to the massive time skip. But again, Terminus told Megatron to never bend. To never bend for anyone. Except Terminus, apparently. Because when Megatron has just pledged his loyalty to the group leaving (right in front of Terminus), and while Megatron is saying no multiple times, Terminus is sure pushing hard that Megatron is the ONLY person who could lead and save these people.

And this is after Megatron and Terminus had a private, intimate conversation about how Megatron done fucked up, and when Megatron has been drowning in remorse and the awareness of how much he has to atone for. Terminus continues to tell him that no, never mind your trial, screw justice, you know what’s best more than they do. We know what’s best. You’re above justice.

Before, Terminus told Megatron about how important it was that he be the figurehead, the lone figurehead, placed above everyone else. He told him to never compromise in favor of someone else’s interests. He never took that back. He argued when Megatron told him that power needed to lie with the collective. And again here, he’s talking about Megatron being so very special that he’s the only one who could possibly lead. But the moment Megatron says he can’t keep putting himself first, Terminus pivots smoothly to noooo no no, this isn’t about you, this is about the masses!

Guys, Terminus is kinda super sketchy.

He’s talking about how justice is less important than Megatron’s skills. Megatron published a treatise that talked specifically about how the government needs to be held accountable, but Terminus is telling him that he’s too important to be held accountable. He’s trying to pull Megatron away from the faith he just, just pledged to Rodimus and Ultra Magnus. Terminus tells him that pledge Megatron values means nothing compared to what Terminus thinks he should value.

Megatron digs in his heels here and refuses to break that trust, just before the conversation is cut short, but. Dang. Seriously, it’s not the easiest thing to notice given the action movie pace of the Cybertron plot right now, but Terminus is being incredibly sketchy.

In the context of before, this pings me like an indirect ultimatum that Terminus is trying to lay down for Megatron. He knows their relationship, and he knows how much Megatron trusts him. He knows Megatron is used to being guided by him. This more self-assured, confident Megatron is new to him, but because of the way he disappeared, that mentor/mentee connection never went away, it just hibernated. Before, Megatron was going on starvation rations to keep Terminus alive. Is he really, really going to leave Terminus now?

Well, yes. He pledges faith again, and though Rodimus has been so on edge, even though he’s reacted in some really alarming ways that seem to tie back to trust and betrayal (like how he’s been burned with Getaway and Dealer), even then, Rodimus agrees to trust him. Megatron calls Rodimus captain. An overt gesture of respect for Rodimus and his authority, and an implicit deferral to that authority. Him learning to respect Rodimus as a leader was a slow-burn part of his development, but Megatron’s trust (and the way he shows it) is an intense, heavy thing. Rodimus is reluctant, but still decides to take him at his word.

Annnnd the moment they’re alone, there goes Terminus again, trying to lean on him to change his mind. He just saw Megatron make that promise to Rodimus, and he knows how serious Megatron was. But still, let’s have one more little nudge to break faith. Megatron doesn’t just dig in his heels here, he pushes back, and I’m very glad about that.

But when they have to go to a different teleporter, Terminus has an opportunity. Maybe Roller could have lied about the coordinates. But what have we seen to suggest he would do that? He seems like a nice, friendly guy. But we have seen a certain someone leaning harder and harder on Megatron that no, seriously, you need to ditch those guys and stay here with me.

Oooh, yeah, they gave you a second chance, that’s definitely how this happened~

Nice immediate spin on the situation to make Megatron feel like he should be grateful to stay here. The way he’s been insisting he doesn’t want to do. Terminus wants him to stay. The others totally want him to stay (yeah, even though Rodimus was so angry about the possibility of Megatron bailing on them). If so many other people want him to stay, shouldn’t Megatron… bend? :)

It kills me how urgent Megatron is in trying to find them, and how dismayed he looks in that last panel. He didn’t want them to leave without him, and he knows how generous they’ve already been with him, and he wanted to leave too. I’m reluctant to put too much weight on comic illustration microexpressions, but the way Terminus has that half-smile thing going on… I don’t like it.

But Megatron gets to return to his philosophical roots! Doing it right this time! Pacifist reform, peace through empathy! And he even gets to reconnect with Optimus and have a second chance to do that right too. Even if Terminus lied to get him here, this is a really happy ending, right?

NO!

Your mileage may vary, but one of the big narrative themes in this story has been… history. It comes through in a lot of ways, but one of the most common ways we see it is the idea that painful memories are hard to deal with, but they’re necessary and important. We see it with Tailgate rewriting the past so it hurts less. We see it with Chromedome for himself and for Rewind. Skids is told that the memories that are blocked off are going to be incredibly painful, but he keeps chasing after it, because it’s part of him.

And a lot of Megatron’s character development involves coming to terms with everything he did in the past. He’s aware, in a clinical sense. But as the comic follows him starting to treat people as people, it also follows him gradually becoming aware of the impact of that history. It’s what lets him connect on a personal level… but it’s also closely tied to how intensely he starts regretting the entire war. But those personal connections seem to be an integral part of what makes him so happy that he tells Velocity he’s never been happier.

He’s willing to face justice. He’s delayed his trial, but he’s never tried to escape it altogether. He could have done that during his trial under Optimus, when there was a flat-out rescue attempt. I’m sure he and Ravage could have easily peaced out at some point if he really wanted to. Here, Terminus offers him a nice, appealing escape, and he still insists he wants to face justice and atone.

So in what way is it a happy ending for him to land in a universe where none of that history happened to anyone except him? He came out of the history just fine, and ah, here we go, we’re in a place where those people dead because of you never existed. Nobody here knows anything about his past, except Terminus. I seriously doubt he’s going to publicize it. Even if people believed the ridiculous story, on a world that’s so inexperienced at war, why on earth would they trust him as a pacifist philosopher? No, now he’s free to redo everything and never face justice, because nobody is here to hold him accountable for that past. He can be the messiah he tried to be before, but this time he’s got it RIGHT, so nothing will go wrong. Just like he was so sure he had it RIGHT last time.

Oh, and would you look at that, he even gets to have a second chance with Optimus! Isn’t that wonderful. In their universe, things got so poisonous they had a jolly conversation about how many times they’ve almost killed each other, and then Megatron talks about how mmmm, he sure loves killing for the sake of killing, all to provoke Optimus into torturing him. He says that he didn’t think he meant it sincerely when he said it, but after saying the words, he realized he believed it. No, that’s all gone now. You can just pretend those memories don’t exist. This Optimus doesn’t have them, so it’s all good.

Rewind II had difficulty reconciling a relationship with Chromedome I, and that’s after only maybe like… two years of being quantum duplicate not-spouses. They had millions of years of history that they still shared, but Rewind still struggled with it. I would say that this Megatron and Optimus have four million years of divergence, but that isn’t even properly true. Megatron never existed here. His works influenced Optimus, back in the day, even apart from the effect of their toxic interplay once the war took off. This Optimus is a very, very different person from the one he knows. Honestly, I can see a lot of character ways this Optimus could even be a functionist enforcer. It was Megatron who originally nudged him out of his comfortable government-supporting groove.

And even if Optimus’s personality is fairly stable across universes, even if he feels like the same person, Megatron is going into this new relationship (platonic or not) with four million years of baggage and expectations. What an… incredibly intense weight to load onto that relationship. Is Megatron telling Optimus about his past? No? Well that’s four million years of lying by omission, that’s a nice honest start to things. Or is Megatron telling Optimus about everything? Look at how inexperienced these Cybertronians are with violence. Even if Megatron can get Optimus to believe him, how appalling is the full history going to be to him? The scale of the atrocities Megatron ordered, condoned, and carried out— Even for the characters who lived the war, Getaway says that it’s so much that you stop being able to process it. How is an unhardened, un-war-like Optimus going to feel about that? Thank you for telling me, I am taking this in stride, now how about we make out a little?

In TAAO, Starscream just cornered Blast Off into making a very difficult decision. He manages to box things in so that it’s a choice between ‘let the person you love destroy himself’ and ‘lie to him to keep him in line, and live a happy, romantic life together.’ Two shitty options, but of course Blast Off chooses the less shitty one, even though he knows he’s agreeing to live a lie, manipulating the person he loves so much. He chooses it, but he feels awful about it, because he knows what a dishonest foundation he’s just laid for their relationship, and he knows that he’s poisoned the trust between them. The narrative doesn’t expect me to be happy for him.

I’m not happy for Blast Off. So I’m not going to be happy for Megatron.

I’ll be sad for him, but if you’re going to value trust and honesty, this isn’t a happy situation.

Another huge theme in the narrative is that history can’t be rewritten. We see Tailgate abandoning the lies he told to prop himself up. We see Brainstorm fighting so hard to go back in time and fix things, and he doesn’t succeed. We see Chromedome rewriting Prowl’s memory to remove blackmail material, and whatever that is, I assume it isn’t going to be gone from the story forever. This isn’t literally rewriting history, but if it’s framed as a complete do-over for Megatron, it’s nearly the same thing. Megatron was willing to die as part of his atonement at the end of Dying Of The Light. He tells Tarn that he’s drowning under the weight of his past, and at the end, he only reluctantly lets Rodimus save him.

If he was that miserable then, I don’t think being the adored, beloved savior of Cybertron is going to be more than a temporary patch. It isn’t a long-term solution for the things he’s been struggling to deal with. And he didn’t choose this. He had the choice forced on him.

Terminus shamelessly exploited the trust Megatron had in him. He leans on Megatron harder and harder to get Megatron to do what Terminus wants. And then when that fails, he outright lies. All this while Megatron is very, very clear about what he wants and why. Terminus shoves himself in the way of Megatron’s new positive relationships, and sabotages that trust that’s been so slowly built up.

Megatron is upset to be left behind, but Rodimus is furious. And he blames Megatron. I was worried about him even before this, but this made it so much worse. Rodimus isn’t just angry for the sake of angry, he has that history with Dealer that made him shy away from leadership roles for ages. He’s still hurting bad over Getaway. And now he thinks that here we go, a third time someone has shamelessly exploited him. And he wasn’t going to trust Megatron. Megatron promised. And then immediately broke that promise (as far as Rodimus knows). Rodimus says that he’s heart over head, every time. Which has its value, for sure. But that has to make it so much more painful when someone he trusts abuses that trust.

In TAAO, at least when Blast Off was manipulated into making a shitty choice, he was aware of the manipulation. He knows the character of what Starscream is doing to him. It doesn’t get him out of the situation, but at least he knows what’s happening. Terminus is manipulating Megatron ~for his own good.~ No matter what Megatron says he wants, Terminus knows better. So why doesn’t he just… slip in there and quietly undermine everything you’re trying to do and sabotage some personal relationships you value. And then pretend like he didn’t do anything about this, nope. And the idea that it’s for Megatron’s own good… This is about what Terminus wants. His first appearance makes it clear that he’s very bitter and very ruthless. He was actively working to push Megatron into the ‘right’ decisions then, and he’s doing it now. It isn’t a happy ending that he succeeded in keeping Megatron from doing right by the people who put their trust in him.

Two frivolous little things. One, Terminus as a name. According to the wiki, “Terminus was the name of the Roman god of boundaries, with the motto ‘Concedo nulli’ - ‘Yield no ground.’” Innocuous enough on its own. But plenty telling given what we see of him here. He’s unyielding, but over what, exactly? He tells Megatron not to bend for anyone and then spends lots of time trying to get Megatron to bend for him. I think Terminus is unyielding over what Terminus wants, and like I said, he is a… very bitter man, and he has a major fixation on strong, authoritarian leadership.

And two, look at the contrast between these covers.

Melancholy and quiet, private introspection on the left. And high-energy action, no time to think, being pulled in against your will on the right. Both of these covers are gorgeous, of course. But I know which one makes me feel like it’s positive in a character sense. Kind of like it’s better to make your own difficult, painful choices than to be dragged in a direction you tried to resist.

Anyways, if I was meant to feel decent about the ending of this comic, it would have been really easy. It would have BARELY taken a change at all. There’s a post by @sunderedstar that summed it up well, but basically just… don’t have the lie. Have Megatron trying to keep faith, have Terminus supporting him while he tries to keep faith. Have him rushing to the new teleporter coordinates, but he’s just, just too slow. He and Rodimus reach out for each other, but the teleporter activates, and they only barely miss each other.

It would be bittersweet. But it would be better for Rodimus, knowing that Megatron didn’t lie to him, that Megatron didn’t use him. Megatron tried to keep his promise. And Megatron would know that they didn’t abandon him. Even if it’s framed as a gift of another chance, it’s still going against the difficult decision he made to face justice for his actions. He didn’t ask for another chance, and he resisted attempts to nudge him into taking one on his own. He’d know he wasn’t lied to, that nobody was trying to block him from doing the right thing. And honestly, the parallel to the climax of Dying Of The Light is so strong, I’m kind of shocked they didn’t go for this anyways. All I can take away from this is that the point was that Terminus blatantly lied to Megatron. And even if he’d say it was for Megatron’s own good, that isn’t a very happy ending.

In issue 28, when he’s talking to Rung, Megatron says that his life has been a series of decisions made in confined spaces. It’s in that same scene that we hear Terminus’s name for the first time. And now, Terminus has fenced him in again, against his will. The increasing pressure we see him exert on Megatron is uncomfortable enough, but it’s ultimately an outright lie that fences Megatron in here, and a lie that’s designed specifically to slip around Megatron’s explicit ‘no’. That isn’t a happy ending. It isn’t even bittersweet, just tragic. Terminus wins and everyone else loses. This isn’t happy, and I can’t and won’t be happy over it.

[brittanyyoungblog]

Civilized Sex: Has Civilization Changed Sex for Better or for Worse?

Civilized to Death. Image courtesy of Avid Reader Press

There’s a tendency to believe that civilization is our greatest human accomplishment and to think that every advance we’ve made—whether scientific, medical, or otherwise—has made things better because it has fixed a problem. However, as Dr. Christopher Ryan argues in his new book Civilized to Death: The Price of Progress, this line of thinking may be all wrong. 

As Ryan argues, every advancement we’ve made has brought with it a different set of problems, and sometimes those problems are more serious than the ones we were trying to fix in the first place. So in the process of attempting to make the world a better place, we may have inadvertently made it more dangerous. 

Ryan’s book is broad and provides numerous examples to support his argument. He explores everything from climate change to tooth decay to mental health; however, the part of the book that interested me the most—as a sex researcher and educator—was how civilization has changed sex and reproduction. 

I recently interviewed Ryan (who also happens to be co-author of Sex at Dawn) about his latest book and the subject of civilized sex in particular. In a two-part series, I’ll be sharing the highlights of our discussion.

The first excerpt from my conversation with Ryan appears below, which has been lightly edited for clarity. 

Lehmiller: Let me start with this question. How has civilization changed sex? Has it changed the way we think about sex? The way we have sex? What can you tell us about that?

Ryan: I think the first place to start would be how agricultural societies view relationships between men and women differently than pre-agricultural or non-agricultural societies do. One of the points that I make repeatedly in both Sex at Dawn and Civilized to Death is that women are thought to be equal to men in their stature, authority, independence, and autonomy in hunter-gatherer groups, whereas in agricultural societies, women are almost universally held to be very low stature compared to men. In fact, they're considered the property of men. This seems to be a result of the fact that property per se as a concept is really not understood or valued by hunter-gatherer groups. If someone hoards things for themselves, that's actually seen as a social taboo. Sharing and cooperation are the central organizing principles of a hunter-gatherer society.

When you don't have a sense of personal property, it becomes very difficult to think of other people as property. But with the shift to agriculture, for the first time people settled down and started growing food on the same land year after year. They started building permanent shelters, domesticating animals, and investing a lot of time and energy into these things, which led private property to become very important. As soon as that happened, men became very concerned with who was going to inherit this property that they'd spent their lives accumulating and tending to. And so at that point, as we argued in Sex At Dawn, paternity certainty became a very important principle in human endeavors. And that leads to men trying to control the reproductive behavior of women so that the lines of inheritance can be well-established and very clearly maintained. So the relationships between men and women changed radically along with every other human relationship with the advent of agriculture. And the repercussions are far ranging, certainly.

I often point to a line in the Old Testament: thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's wife. I used to think that this line was only about respecting our neighbors’ marriages. But if you read the full context of the line, it says, “thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's wife, nor his ox, nor his house, nor his slaves, nor his ass” and all these other properties of the neighbor. The wife, in that context, is just another possession of the man. And we still see this where the father gives the bride to the husband, or in societies around the world where a woman who's been raped is considered to be without any value. She's no longer “pure.” And what does this purity mean? It means that the sperm from the chosen approved man is the only sperm that's ever been in this woman's body. So any children that come from her have to be from that man. There’s a sense of purity that's very much based upon the notion of property. 

Lehmiller: In reading Civilized to Death, I noticed that you talked about human beings as this deeply, essentially sexual species. For millennia, however, we've been pressured into thinking that we're supposed to ignore, tame, and repress our sexuality. As a prime example of this, you talk about this guy John Harvey Kellogg, who is someone I talk about in my human sexuality classes. He was kind of a quack because he was this doctor who held the belief that masturbation was bad for you, and that sex was bad for you, too.

He actually developed the original cornflake thinking that it was a cure for masturbation because if you were eating bland foods, you wouldn't be sexually excited and therefore you'd be less likely to touch yourself and you wouldn’t want to have sex. Kellogg also advocated for circumcising boys who were masturbating without using any anesthetic because the pain would make them not want to do it anymore. He also suggested applying carbolic acid to the clitoris of girls who were masturbating to prevent that behavior as well. 

Kellog is just one of many examples of medical authorities in our past who tried to tell us that we need to repress our sexuality and sexual impulses. Being told for so long that we're supposed to repress our sexuality, what kind of effects has that had on us sexually or otherwise? 

Civilized to Death author Dr. Christopher Ryan. Image courtesy of Avid Reader Press

Ryan: Oh my God, that's, that's a massive question. I think it's resulted in generations of twisted, tormented people who then pass on their twists to the next generation. So there's been a cascading effect in terms of shame and denial and the grotesque forms that these essentially beautiful and life-giving energies can take when they're pushed underground. I think you could argue that the Catholic church is essentially a result of the repression of sexuality in general and specifically of gay male sexuality. The church was a place where gay men could go and sort of be protected in a sense by an institution that was built upon denial. 

I think it was James Prescott who looked at the anthropological database and correlated how open a society was in terms of accepting the sexual expression of adolescents vs. punishing them with how violent the society was. What he found was an almost perfect correlation amongst societies showing that the more repressed they were sexually, the more violent they were, both within the society and in terms of warfare and conflict with other societies.

So it could be argued that the repression and shame that you're pointing to are essential components of violence and war. Obviously correlation doesn't imply causation, but I think it's no accident that when you look at some of the greatest conflicts in the world right now, you have one very sexually confused and twisted society, which is the United States, in conflict with certain types of Islam, which are also extremely confused and conflicted around sexuality.

There's a section in Civilized to Death where I talk about the connection between sexual repression and outbursts of violence in in the Islamic world and mass shootings in our world. I think these things are certainly connected. There’s also the violence against women that's being perpetrated right now in the United States where abortion clinics are being shut down and doctors are prohibited from speaking honestly with their patients about their reproductive options. Then there’s abstinence only sex education, which doesn’t work but is supported by the federal government to the tune of tens of millions of dollars per year. These are all forms of institutional violence against our innate sexual nature and, particularly against women even learning how to feel comfortable in their own bodies. These are all reflections and echoes of these changes that took place no more than 10,000 years ago with the advent of agriculture. We're still reeling from it today.

Lehmiller: I think that's such an interesting way of framing it. I think we all realize that sexual repression happens and that it has consequences, but people tend to focus on how that leads to, say, unhappy marriages and other things like that. But what you're arguing is really how there are these much larger global consequences that may result from sexual repression.

Ryan: One of the themes in Civilized to Death I tried to play throughout the book is that the war with our inner nature is a reflection of our war with the nature outside us, the nature within which we live. These are two aspects of the same misguided conflict. And so just as we're being constantly told that we shouldn't trust our nature—and of course, sexuality is a big part of that nature that we’re told we should be repressing, resisting, fighting, denying, and hiding—we're also told that the world outside us is to be conquered and controlled and not to be trusted. There's an essential conflict between these two aspects of nature. I think they're two sides of the same coin, and I don't think we're going to ever be able to live in peace with our natural environment until we're at peace with our inner environment and vice versa. 

Lehmiller: I think that's really beautifully put. If I remember correctly, you also talk a little in your book about how things are not necessarily the same cross-culturally when it comes to this conflict we face surrounding sex, right? For example, you bring up the Dutch model of sex education and one of the things you argued there is that the Dutch approach emulates the approach taken by early foragers in terms of recognizing that adolescents are sexual beings. Can you talk a little bit about that and how this tendency towards sexual repression and openness varies cross-culturally and also how in cultures where there's more openness and more respect for teenage sexuality, the outcomes tend to be better?

Ryan: The outcomes in the studies contrasting the Dutch approach with the American approach couldn't be clearer in terms of which approach is more effective. Teen pregnancy in Holland is a fraction—I think it's a fourth, fifth, or sixth—of what it is in the United States on average. Then if you look at the US states where abstinence-only education is in effect, the contrast is even higher. STI transmission rates reflect the same differences. So there's no question that talking about things openly, in letting students and children know that they can come to adults with questions and that they're not going to be shamed, and that teachers are here to talk about these things—that's how people learn. Why would we make an exception for sexuality? I often think that if we taught kids to drive the way we teach them about sexuality, we would essentially just say, "Look, here are the keys to the car. Don't tell me when you go driving. Figure it out and try not to wreck the car." That's essentially our approach to teaching kids about sex. And it's absurd.

I think this isn't even really a conversation about educational techniques or what works and what doesn't. That's all very well established. There's no question. The question is why are we so uptight about this? Why is this one area of life in the United States so difficult for us to deal with rationally? I think it’s that we're living with the lasting effects of a very Old Testament, puritanical approach to these matters. 

You know, I lived in Spain for most of my adult life and even though Spain is an officially Catholic country, they have a much more relaxed, open, and tolerant approach to issues of sexuality. Whether it's sex ed, condom use. distribution of condoms, or extramarital affairs, all of these issues are actually approached with a much more relaxed attitude, even though the country is officially Catholic. It's an interesting contradiction.

Stay tuned for Part 2 of my interview with Dr. Christopher Ryan, and be sure to check out his new book Civilized to Death. Also, read my review of Ryan’s previous book Sex at Dawn here.

Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook (facebook.com/psychologyofsex), Twitter (@JustinLehmiller), or Reddit (reddit.com/r/psychologyofsex) to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.

Image Credits: Avid Reader Press

Check out these other interviews with authors: 

Sex and Psychology Podcast: An Interview with the Gottmans on Sex, Love, and Relationships

Better Sex Through Mindfulness: An Interview With Dr. Lori Brotto (VIDEO)

ADHD After Dark: How ADHD Affects People’s Sex and Love Lives

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