#girlboss x loser man

[nutler--kleinja]

i love it when the straight ship has a more masculine woman like heteronormativity who??

[d-a-n-n-y-y]

8hrs💀(pov: you said, you hate him yadayada)

Bonus–

Art base made from by @sky-lia shout out to them lmao

[ququoquaw]

WHERE IS THE KOBENI X QUANXI FANART

[zees-hat]

whats ur fav ships and why !!!!!!!!!!!!!

u just unleashed my insanity.

heads up im picky about ships and am not too big on multishipping BUT NOT CRAPPING ON MULTISHIPPERS YOU GUYS ARE COOL i like seeing the art and stuff :3 🫶🏻🫶🏻

will start with og and then reboot cuz YIPPEEEEE

OG

Alenoah like ough they’re LITERALLY enemies to lovers fuck yeah the chemistry is great and the ANGST possibilities omg

GWOURTNEYYY omg they are so cute and the energy was there i swear. love that trope though like two ex girlfriends dating EACH OTHER LIKE FUCK YEAH

Ozzy because like they’re literally adorable and izzy is insane i love her. the world tour song owen sang about her is stuck in my brain 😭

Lyler. ohhhhh my god the cuties ever. Yall stay with me here when i say I HC THEM AS T4T LIKE FUCK YEAH ‼️‼️

Lesharold is cute but man it’s been ROUGHHH in world tour they’re sillies tho :3

Gidgette?? i swear that sounds so wrong for some reason but like whatevs �� they’re cute in season 1 but man they gotta work things OUT rn

Djuncan. holy SHIT i literally just learned about this ship TODAY and its already in my damn brain like not even kidding theyre real to me like the opposites attract is GIVINGGGGG

REBOOT

Rajbow OBVI like omg THEYRE SO CUTE :(( they literally light up when they see each other istg I WANNA SQUISH THEM AND PUT THEM IN A JAR

Damiwayne bc OOOOH THEY SNUCK UP ON ME A LONG TIME AGO. i used to be a juliayne shipper like right when i first started watching reboot but like changed my mind real fast 😭

Mkulia and oh my GOD i swear if they aren’t canon if there’s a season three there will be RIOTS i tell you, RIOTS. the villain gfs ever

Ripaxel i used to hate so so much but they GREW on me like GOT ME BY THE THROAT ripper is so pathetic and i love him, girlboss x actual loser

Chazee is where it gets more rare like this is such a crack ship but in an /srs way theyre GAYYYY i would write oneshots about them

Sillie. if u dont know its scary girl x millie now like this IS A RAREPAIR BUT LIKE HEAR ME OUT OKAY like girlfriend who does research x girlfriend who is an insane creature like do u guys get the vision 🙏

Nichemma oh my god they’re so cutesy i love them SO MUCH another rarepair but aaaaahhh i like it!! nichelle would be so much better for her i swear

thats all i got ‼️🫶🏻

[letshakethispoetoutofthebeast]

~Original song lyrics I wrote [HELP BOOST!!]~

Brief warning!! Kind of a raunchy and explicit song (especially considering I am VERY much a virgin). This song is pretty sexual and has themes of religion and witchcraft but was intended to be comedic, and a stab at the witch trials of the 17th and 18th century. This song was heavily inspired by some of P!ATD early songs (mostly ‘lying is the most fun…’ and ‘but its better if you do’)

“Toast To Infidelity (‘O’ Is For Arousal)”

Head between her legs, fire on her tongue

Bottle ‘o pheromones, jars full of rum

Gluttonous whispers upon her seashell teeth

Hot dreams of being the man underneath

Wrap her boa around his legs

Brushes all paint her like the moon

Release them panting like bitches in heat

Running home from midnight mass

Rosary tucked below her ass-

-tronomically crimson gaze

The gaze shaped like an ‘O’ (is for arousal) [x 2]

Tachycardic hands slithering down south

To her estrogen… ‘O’ filled mouth

Naivety in his testosteroneless eyes

New client, new night, same disguise (and piracy)

Preach what you will, contradict what you can, but there is only one hole you will ever fill

Wrap her boa around his legs

Brushes all paint her like the moon

Release them panting like bitches in heat

Running home from midnight mass

Rosary tucked below her ass-

-tronomically crimson gaze

The gaze shaped like an ‘O’ (is for arousal) [x 2]

Tachycardic hands slithering down south

To her estrogen… ‘O’ filled mouth

(It would) be shocking how much (woman parts) go for these days, down a few bottles virginity haze, crystal white boots though its all an illusion, the only cross that she bears is (a) feminine contusion

Running home from midnight mass

Rosary tucked below her ass-

-tronomically crimson gaze

The gaze shaped like an ‘O’ (is for arousal)

“By the court of the state” (To her estrogen)

“And the church” (‘O’ filled mouth)

“Has been found guilty of” (To her estrogen)

“Adultury and witchcraft” (‘O’ filled mouth)

“And therefore will be sentenced to death” (‘O’ is for arousal)

(‘O’ is for arousal) [x 3]

Backstory: This song (at least how I pictured it) is a story of a 1600s sex-worker accused of witchcraft by seducing the village men #girlboss

I imagined this through the POV of an adolescent loser boy (~17 years old) who is infatuated with the woman’s beauty, so he just kind of watches her like a creep. She is accused by the priest (think Frollo from The Hunchback of Notre Dame) and the bridge/outro is basically her trial and inevitable death.

I’m not exactly sure where I got this FREAKY idea from but it was definitely inspired by afycso. I’m working on getting an actual demo out and not just lyrics but that could easily take a few weeks…

Hope you enjoyed… or learned something new about yourself ;))

[uglypastels]

Ok ok gotta quickly talk about my fav bits from these 2 episodes

SPOILERS

LOOK, I DIDN'T WANT TO BE A HALFBLOOOOOD

Percy and Grover giving each other the ham/cheese from their sandwiches

The mrs Dodds gaslighting. Idk why i needed this to be included (more on this later)

Gabe. Why was Gabe so fucking funny in this 😭😭 like man is just a loser.

"Do you know why we come to this cabin every year" "because its next to the septic tanks' so its cheap" stop he's so unserious 😭

"Please" and the entirety of Sally talking to Gabe

I'm sure it will all get so much worse, but just the quips that were written and the pacing through the conversation of all 3 of them was really well written

Percy thinking that Sally was an atheist until she saw Jesus in her living room. (To paraphrase it)

"The important thing is not to panic" while being on the verge of a breakdown

"YOU DIDNT TELL HIM ABOUT X"

Sally making Grover swear to protect perce😭😭

YOU DROOL IN YOUR SLEEP

Basically, any time there was book accurate dialogue. It healed parts of me that I didn't even know were broken.

Mr D. I'm obsessed. The whole interaction between him and Percy. And then Mr D and Chiron 💖💖💖 (the poker later on. I love it)

The cabins and entire vibe of the camp. It feels so real i wanna go there so bad.

I could basically just list every single scene of this episode.

Luke 💖 that's it.

Mr D and Chiron forbidding Grover to tell Percy about his mom. So we got the Gaslight, now we jave Gatekeep. Where's the girlboss? Literally every other second.

Annabeth!! Annabeth's hat!! The hattttttt

"I'm fine thanks, but i appreciate you, you know, standing there silently" he's so fucking funny and it makes me want to scream. It's no original experience to have loved these books since the age of 12, but it doesnt make it any less personal. I love percy ok. And anyway not annabeth then still just standing there like 😐🤨

"When it's time, he'll be ready. I know it".... bro 😭😭

Clarisse's feral behaviour. I love her (i'll be dropping the L-bomb more and more as the show will go on. Let me be)

The bathroom scene. Obviously (i didnt even mention the episode titles yet!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)

🔥? "I wouldn't"

Aaand cut to percy nearly setting the heph cabin on fire

"Is there a god of disppointment" "oizyz, but sje's a goddess, and her thing isnt really disappointment. It's more like failure" pls who is this kid. Fav character lol (idk maybe i should know who he is and im just stupid)

And then the look Luke gives him i'm crying

Oh my god how did not mention the blue food yet 😭😭😭😭🩵🩵🩵🩵

Percy PRAYING to Sally. And then "i'm Sally Jackson's son" aaaaaaaaaaaaah

Also, idk why but i loved Clarisse's reaction to when her spear broke. It felt so raw and it showed a glimpse of the side of her that she's clearly hiding from the world (not me already getting hyped for sea of monsters lmao)

Theres probably so much more i could add, or perhaps i should have just dropped a link to the episodes as it was all just so perfect.

Ohh oh oh i almost forgot the camp beads!!! Eeeek. So cute.

(Would have loved to have seen the grannies knitting socks of death, and the strawberry fields 🫢 but minor details)

[shrimperini]

i am a heromari shipper to the end but them in the edgy au is so funny to me and idk why. mari in that au is BEAUTIFUL and i think thats why because like. how did this tired, tired asshole of a man manage to pull her. dont get me wrong i love it to death but i NEED to know their dynamic here for. research purposes <3

they are so loser man x girlboss LFMAOFKSFJ hero in this au is kinda .. rude and hotheaded but mari manages to bring out a soft side of him. he charmed her with his babygirl energy, he would do anything for his wife fr.. both of them are big nerds so i think they spend lots of time together talking about their interests 🫶🏻

[fairytale-poll]

LOSER'S BRACKET ROUND 1! MATCH 7 OUT OF 8

Propaganda Under the Cut:

Queen Red Riding Hood

General Propaganda:

She's a girlboss who is sometimes a little vain but still loves her friends and will do anything to save her kingdom. Also she was in love with a guy since she was like 8 and he continuously rejected her, and then she found out he was in love with her archenemy. So yeah, she needs this.

She's kinda spoiled and high maintenance but gets better. I just think she's a fun character

i loved the land of stories series as a kid and i especially loved red because shes sooo full of herself and wears beautiful dresses and expensive jewelry and stuff (she became a queen lol) but also she does come to genuinely care for people and her friends and has a good heart (even if she does brag about it) she’s a very funny character x)

She’s a great example of how sudden fame and wealth at a young age can go to your head, and she gets great character development about it. She has an entire giant chamber in her castle full of baskets (it’s unfortunately quite flammable). My most favorite detail about her is when she finds a wolf pup in the woods, she assumes it’s a dog and names him Clawdius (yes, spelled like that). Everyone else knows it’s a wolf but no one wants to be the one to tell her. She learns the truth and gets over it and now Clawdius is her guard wolf. (Oh also she had the original Big Bad Wolf made into a winter coat, and that’s the original reason Clawdius came to her) I love her, she’s married to a giant frog man, she got elected queen, please vote for her.

Queen Red ftw!!!!!!

As you can see from these little excerpts [Mod's note: click on link to look at the excerpts] that I managed to gather in less than ten minutes, you should vote for Queen Red :D

YESSSS VOTE FOR QUEEN RED, SHE DESERVES THIS SO MUCH

Vote for Queen Red TLoS!!! She's a girlboss who married a frog man :D

Loser's Bracket Propaganda:

Queen Red deseves to win so much, she's been through so much shit for the people she loves.

Queen Red Riding Hood is a bimbo who has moments of truly genuine and deep analysis and understanding also c’mon, Clawdius!! Her enemy is the Big Bad Wolf Pack and yet she still has her own good beloved pet wolf

Red riding hood (tlos) deserves to win because she accidentally got her friend put on a wanted list when she was a kid then she got elected queen at a young age let the power get to her head then she fell in love with a giant frog (HUGE) character development and he made her a better person by opening her mind a little and she should win because shes come for far and she deserves it

The Path sisters

General Propaganda:

Each of these girls deal with their personal demons- in this case, "wolves-" as they grow and mature on the path of life. Each of them represent a different stage of a young person's life as they go through the world and the different ways in which that world can turn on that young person when they allow themselves to get lost in a dense forest, culminating in their reflection on the life they led.

the path is just a really cool underrated game idk man

i just really really like the path 🤷‍♂️

I will admit I'm only familiar with The Path through Izzzyzzz's seminal video on the subject but her Vibes are pretty iconic

(Scarlet) Most underrated sister imo. Her story is hauntingly sad and has themes of "lost of childhood" in a completely opposite way from the original Red Riding Hood, a good twist on the story.

(Ruby) The most well-known of the Path girls and the most goth, I get very sad when I see her. I know "teen angst" is a joke but sometimes I see reminders of just how full of despair teenagers can be. Her self-destructive tendencies and her "Charming Wolf" are leading her down a path (pun intended) that could kill her if she is not saved in time. It's so easy to dismiss teenage impulsion but only the survivors can.

(Ginger) Girl is so queer. Love that for her.

(Ginger) lesbiam

(Robin) Little girl sees giant wolf and wants to take it for a ride. Nuff said. (Also her room is the scariest imo. A child learning about death and their own mortality is mundane but terrifying)

Loser's Bracket Propaganda:

The Path Sisters are just ones I know too much about because of watching a video essay about them and also I think they parallel the narrative of the original fairytale really well

[firesofdainix]

which one is your ravorite out of all the hypothetical/fictional planets that you added to spacetime continuum?

Ooooh I love this question! In a very particular order:

1. Shiva

2. Theia

3. Antichton

4. Hades

5. Tyche

Planet X is obvious, and I don't want to retype what I'm currently typing for another ask that is currently in my drafts, but they're the oldest one I've fleshed out. There's a lot of their character and background that I have to unpack, but they're basically a response to the famous Planet X theories that had been roaming around when I started. I didn't want to make them innocent, and I didn't want to make them a full blown asshole, so it was fun seeing the limits of what he can and could do.

Admittedly, in the Solarballs community, Theia's interpretation is so... Boring to me. Where's the flavor? She's just Earth's love interest, or sometimes she's his abuser. It's all very blah. I wanted to make her Tierra's wife, while making sure she had some flaws, such as being prejudiced, or prideful and not very keen on looking at things with foresight. She can be vindictive and petty, but they're played as character flaws. She's not a #girlboss either. She's just a fucking loser with a loser husband.

Antichton I've already talked about. He's got my favorite design of all the Hypothetical planets, and his personality, unlike the ones on this list, has already been decided since the beginning of the series. He's amazing at making me angry every time I think about him, before rushing to give him redeeming qualities to reason why Venus had been in love with him.

Hades oh the big man himself!!! I already talked about him but he grew on me because at least I don't need to give him much depth to be a relevant character! I did him justice out of all the characters I wrote! He's so cool and I'm sorry that I only write him when he's dead. But that's his purpose.

Tyche is fun! You guys haven't seen her present form yet but she's so cool to me. I'm surprised some people like her as well LOL

[jrueships]

taking lil notes on the sauce getting a tat stream.... will be reblogging with more bcs this video is fucking long as shit plus with me always pausing to write whatever nonsense i find funny? yea, idk if ill be able to get thru this all lmao 😭 but yea this will just be lil blurbs rewritten n commented on as i watch on one device and take notes on another like a lil movie major or smthin LMAO. To shorten typing time, Sauce will be SG and tat man will just be K as his real name is Kyle. ok? ok

SG, impatient & cocky, trying to show out 4 the stream like a little loser: ay cmon bruh im ready 😤!!🤘🏿 *goes to lay down on the jets styled?? tatting bed??? idk what that is i don't get tats.. i just know they probably fucked on it cus sauce winced when he had to sit down LMAO. went from ay bruh im ready to EUAGH 😫!! Eh 😣😖!! in a millisecond LMFAO*

K: *checks himself out on camera for a split second*

K: *very polite to the stream's viewing. Apparently has never streamed or got an audience up close n personal during his tat sessions. Only shows the before and after photos so this is a new but very fun experience for him. aww, so cute <3 sauce getting him to try new things!!!! He's nervous about getting the best angles for us and he's always trying his best to please!! ( he's so service top it's Mad. it's MADDENIN!!! ) Sauce dramatic diva demanding hot n s*x fierce reporter mean fake bitch and his quiet polite and personable yet professionally firm, keeping sauce in line when he needs to fulltime cameraman part time bodyguard when the situation gets unexpectedly (or expectedly. Not everyone has Tat man's insanely loyal patience with sauce...) hostile WHEN??? Slowburn We're just workers/he's just my minion to ........... don't ask why we came out of the same bathroom at the same time STFU ?? HELLO??? TAT MAN!!!*

Chat: cook up kyle

Kyle: !! :] !! yea 😺!! im boutta cook 🥰 (HE KEEPS GETTING SO SWEETLY HYPED UP FROM SAUCES LIL AUDIENCE. IT'S SO CUTE LOL)

1:05 (around there idk none of these time stamps will be any accurate bcs i pause late after realizing smthin was funny then guestimate where it started so sorry :( ): sauce walking his big b00bies up in our face jumpscare :/ . To help Kyle zoom the camera per his chats demands. He lowkey high key very anxious and micromanaging abt kyle using his camera equipment lol. He just loves telling people what to do but also that shit is probably very expensive. But cmon sauce. Kyle the cameraman's got it!!! HE EVEN HAS THE PERFECT CAMERAMAN NAME LIKE?? Let him take care of you bbygirl ..😼

Sauce once again (a bit more gingerly this time) sits himself on his jets style seat thing and let's out a little cry of pain when his ass hits it??? sauce these bttm allegations are BEATING ur ASS lmao????

Kyle does what sauce was about to do for him and sauce kinda :/// >:( 😰😰😠. Sauce try to go five seconds without micromanaging challenge impossible. Complains about chat being able to see his facial expressions being too close up now and how he won't be able to fuck with Kyle no more cus of it cus they'll make shit is weird. Kyle simply responds ' That's love 🙂. '

Sauce goads the chat asking if he should end stream. Kyle at first thinks maybe he isn't cameramanning right and gets a little nervous/sad at disappointing sauce but quickly catches onto the strategy and joins in on the bait. The chat take it with a chorus of Nos. Girlboss sauce malewife Tat man media powercouple ftw?

2:58, K: wait turn ur head a lil bit? *Sauce looks at him* no, other way *sauce looks away, exposing neck to him and pre-ink*

K admires his work. Shows it off to the chat, tells them he's getting them right. Zooms in on sauce's neck

SOMEBODY SAID 'L NIPPLE' IN THE CHAT WHAT???? Chat language is so.... beautiful 😭

'Stop being a lil girl take the pain like a man'????? Yall sure this is twitch and not p*rnhub ??? tf?

Kyle zooms in. Chat: "glad to get the nipple off the page" HELP. my thoughts exactly

Kyle tries hiding sauces face with his zooms bcs he knows sauce was self conscious about his expressions lmao. Chat, instantly, and these are different people too. Everyone is a sadist here apparently. My kinda people 😼: 'WE NEED TO SEE HIS FACE FR' 'HIS FACE BRO WE NEED TO SEE HIS FACE' 'WE NEED TO SEE HIS FACE IF HE CRIES'

3:38 Sauce, reading the chat bcs if he doesn't have attention that he can feel for five seconds he explodes and dies: is my face in there ? <- literally just whined about not wanting his face seen bcs he'd get weird comments and ruin his very heterosexual very platonic relationship with tat man. But is now turning his whole tune around for some shred of people pleasing attention omg 🙄 poo fimbly 😑

K: nah they be clownin 😿.. *just wants to protect him*

Sauce agrees a bit then quickly changes subject to compliment himself.

Sauce notices camera needs shifting so he tries but Kyle's on it before he can. Sauce keeps trying anyways until eventually the needles settle him slougish

5:10 chat tells them to zoom out but sauce defends his cameraman: AINT NO ZOOM OUT 😾😾!! HE TRYNA GIVE YOU THE UPCLOSE LOOKS !!

Kyle zooms out anyways

Sauce whines about his nipple lol

Sg: yall weird af 😑 Yall tryna see my nipple or smthin 🤨? *incredulous look to camera*

K: FREE THE NIP!!!!! <- reading off chat, sadly

THE CHAT BULLIED HIM INTO HIDING HIS BOOBS LMAO. He got a blanket 😭 so now he's gonna be with another man... while under a blanket ? um. sauce I think this is pretty lose lose if u ask me .

Kyle wearing those black tattoo gloves gently touching sauces neck.... soft dom and not even trying to hide it 🤨?

Chat: stop moaning 😐

Sauce: my bad bruh 😔

Someone: get the tissues ready (????)

Sg: in da trenches 😼. in da trenches 😼

Someone in chat: sauce do u like when men fuck u? ( 🤔.. it's a fair ask 😳.)

Chat: the right side of my neck hurted the most (average sauce fan iq, im afraid )

Chat: SAUCE BABY START TWERKING

( now im just finding funny chat stuff cus all sauce doing rn is trying to not cry by randomly singing along to the music and kyle is working)

Chat trying to plot lies on kyle by spamming kyle messed up smthin so sauce can get worried lmao

9:40: around there, maybe a bit later, sauce starts groaning and cursing more

Chat: Sauce is it hard

Sauce asks how many people watching bcs u know he looooves an audience. Kyle doesn't know how to check so he has to stop and ask the chat

Kyle: Seven- ..... 776? 800? a thousand? man idk :(. yall play too much >:( yall play too damn much 🙄! ... i fuck with yall tho >:)

Chat trying to gaslight sauce into thinking Kyle's actually tatting a dick on his neck

I've been skipping or doing other stuff during some of the tatting. Sauce got up to try and figure out some twitch function? Mic suppression? idk. He lowkey stalling lol.

Kyle starts asking what the chat been saying around 31:40, curious.

Sauce and Kyle mumble to songs internmentedly lol

33:25 around there kyle raps to a song he rlly likes. Sauce adlibs it's cute

PAUSING THIS AT 35:10. We basically got an hour left in this jawn. YALL WE WATCHED ALOT IM PROUD!!!! OK im leaving this here for now, reblogging l a ter maybe even finishing it idk? I just need this shit sent cus im a lil nervous if it'll even load... this was a lotta work 😭 all for tatman and sauce interactions damn... ion even know this man's last name .. i need to go do strong people things now BYE see yall soon hopefully

[takaraphoenix]

Spike for the character ask game please, and if that has been done already, Izzy Lightwood

OHOHOHO MY BOY! YES you can ask my boy!! Blorbos are always welcome *^* And I'll take Izzy too ;D Thanks for playing, dear! <3

SPIKE:

Favorite romantic ship(s): BUFFY by a mile, but also Drusilla because Spike would not be Spike without Drusilla and these two with their Morticia/Gomez vibe *chef's kiss*, also in a very decided "I do not want to see them date ever but I need the canon that these bitches are exes, it is very important to me, and to them" Angel and Spike

LGBT+ headcanon(s): bisexual, I know he never gets a canon label assigned and they treated it more as a ~joke~ but they gave me "Spike and Angel fucked" and if they thought that I'm not taking that for my bisexual polyamorous Spike (twas an evil polycule <3), also I headcanon him as enby!

Job headcanon (in an AU/or future): this loser is unemployed and meant to be a trophy husband to his girlboss wife <3

Favorite canon thing about them: that he is bisexual, even if they don't label it and treat it as a joke, and that he loves with his whole chest and heart and everything like this man went and got his soul back for love!!

Least favorite canon thing about them: *dissociates as I stare at Seeing Red* I hate you, Joss, for hating Spike (and for many other things)

IZZY LIGHTWOOD:

Favorite romantic ship(s): LYDIA, Raphael, Simon, Aline, Helen, Clary, in an AU I like the idea of her and Sebastian

Favorite platonic dynamic(s): Jace and Alec!, Clary, I still think her and Magnus would have had tremendous potential if the show cared about platonic dynamics (fashion icons with snark who care about Alec? C'mon. How did they never bond)

LGBT+ headcanon(s): mmh I don't think I ever really decided whether I headcanon her as bisexual or pansexual...

Job headcanon (in an AU/or future): either a doctor, or a tattoo artist/jewel designer (that cover story of hers kind of stuck with me and I like to keep the Shadowhunter aesthetic of runes in some kind of way through tattoos)

Animal shifter headcanon: I mean, a snake offers itself to her, but I lean toward birds for the Shadowhunters and there, I like to make her a peacock

Favorite canon thing about them: that she can do basically anything, I mean she is a badass fighter, she is a forensic scientist, a general scientist and kind of doctor?, she can forge weapons, what CAN'T she do!

Least favorite canon thing about them: Ironically, the same as my favorite thing, because while I can use it as "she is very talented", on a writing-level it just always came off as "we need a Shadowhunter to do x uuuh let's use Izzy" and I didn't like that, because it didn't feel like it was about her

Character Ask Game

[icharchivist]

reading miss Cathy's FE too while at it since it's been SOOOO LONG and man, i missed them.

Detective x the Thief he's trying to catch but is unaware is currently the bartender he kinda has a crush on is already Peak Trope, but adding to that that he's a cringefail loser while Cathy is a cool girlboss who's ALSO secretly a cringefail loser just makes it so much better. god i missed them.

[bunnywabbit2]

I posted 42,473 times in 2022

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I tagged 2,753 of my posts in 2022

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Longest Tag: 139 characters

#you’re so lovely and kind some people think you’re too quiet but you’re willing to do whatever you think is right and try to see the best i

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

why are you friends with so many homphobes

what

2 notes - Posted July 8, 2022

#4

Bunny tell me about your OCs (this is Gleam I’m just too lazy to log in dhdjdj)

omg omg ily gleam ok ok so

disclaimer these r the characters I made with my elementary school friends in 5th grade but I’ve been talking to one of those friends and we talked a lot about our little guys and I just hold so much fondness for them

we would get on our family computers each night and type out roleplay stories on google docs (legit istg we wrote like 4 books (docs) that were like 80pgs each…where is that creativity and motivation now huh!!)

also ive forgotten a lot about them </3 but thats ok!

so. theres 9 of them. yea kjdshfsfdhdsjk XD 6 'good guys' (ivy, iris, alex, jake, christa, carson) and 3 'bad guys' (justin, jade, madison)

where do i begiN

oh yea also they all have powers and fancy colored eyes bc i mean thats just the fifth grade elementary school girl experience yk

also their base characters were created back then but a lot of the more specificy stuffs like heights and headcanons (which? ig would technically be canon since its our characters? but?) were kind of all thought up like a week ago at 2am on discord <3333 also friend & i queer-ified them

so!

ivy: wasian, pan, she/they, 5'5, libra, brown hair dark green eyes, plant powers i believe..?

alex: chinese, demiro, agender & transmasc, he/any, 5'11, capricorn, black hair black eyes, prob something like shadow powers or whatever i forgot

justin: chinese, aroace, nor/mal (/j), 5'9, black hair black eyes, also prob something like shadow powers

iris: wasian, bi, she/her, 5’3, libra, dark brown hair purple eyes, light powers???

jake: cishet white man (derogatory). 6'0 but says he's 6'3, august leo. blond hair blue eyes. gym bro. i forgot powers lol

jade: east asian, lesbian w major comphet, they/fae/she, 5'7, black hair green eyes, ice powers prob

christa: southeast asian, she/her, omniro, demisexual, 5'9 (taller than justin), aries, black hair red eyes, fire powers??? mayperhaps???? forgot

carson: white boy, bi, 5'1, gemini, brown hair something eyes, something like poison powers idk

madison: hispanic, aro, she/any, 5'2, red hair brown eyes, animal powers??????

they're all like 18 ish except justin whos early 20s prob?? ivy & iris are twins, alex and justin are siblings uhhhhh

ivy and alex are in a wonderful very soft and sweet relationship <333 ivy makes alex flower crowns and alex paints her nails and does her eyeliner and <3333 its kinda prep(?) shy cottagecore girl(?) x goth yk

so in fifth grade we made this whole iris jake jade love triangle thing and i think we were giving jake too much credit back then. jade gets one of those incredibly Gender haircuts and iris has her bi awakening <3

christa and carson! are also together i believe..? mwah i love them very much <333 christa is buff and is on some sports team prob basketball or whatever and carson is just this little guy. she gives him her sports jackets to wear. the height difference my beloved. girlboss x little loser man.

but also carson had his bi awakening from jake which is. so funny to me like jake is one of those flirts with his friends and says 'no homo' except it actually made carson Feel Things and that was a dark time <3

and justin and madison are just too cool for this <333

im prob missing a few things but yea :D if you actually read this far wow lol sorry for this being so long <333

2 notes - Posted November 14, 2022

#3

for context, the ad title is 'let him in'

credit: @gleam-and-darken

2 notes - Posted May 7, 2022

#2

GUESS WHO JUST FINISHED AOC AND IS STARTING SKYWARD SWORD >:D !!!!!!!!!

3 notes - Posted January 5, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

I HATE YOU.

3 notes - Posted September 21, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[star-sim]

star-sim masterlist

heeseung lee ★

hopeless ★ fic 10.8k words

summary: absolutely no one would have expected the dark, brooding, and rough heeseung lee to be hopelessly head over heels in love with the sweet, oblivious you. especially you. even with the help of practically the entire year, it's almost pathetic the way heeseung struggles to utter three, simple words to you, let alone look you in the eye. fluff, pining, high school! au, non-idol! au, a lot of flirting very very very very down bad! heeseung x fem! reader

your lips, my lips, apocalypse ★ blurb 2.0k words

summary: sex, love, and romance tasted like poison on your tongue, a secret that you held close to yourself for years. unfortunately, when heeseung kisses you, he, too, could taste that poison. hurt/comfort, angst, veeery suggestive but no smut, implied s*xual abuse, hypersexuality as a coping mechanism

clementine ★ fic 16.1k words

summary: heeseung was home for the summer. but so were you, the one girl that he's always hated since your playground days. the worst part was that you suddenly got hot, and now he had no idea what to do with himself. unfortunately, an entire year of not seeing each other creates the perfect conditions for one of you (or both of you) to catch feelings! fluff, college! au, loser!heeseung, boyfailure x girlboss, childhood enemies to lovers, neighbors au!, humor, suggestive-ish but not rlly

jay park ★

supermassive blackhole ★ fic part 1 (13.7k words) | part 2 (16.2k words)

summary: You and Jay Park couldn't stand each other. But after a drunk makeout session at your university's annual soccer mixer, combined with Jay's secret identity as the city's friendly neighborhood Spider-Man, the two of you are pushed closer to each other than ever, challenging your long-time status as 'enemies.' enemies to lovers, very suggestive but no nsfw/smut, angst, fluff, spiderman! au, college! au,

say it back! ★ blurb 1.1k words

summary: jay thinks you're really cute, especially when you're mad. non-idol! au bf! jay x fem! reader

too sweet ★ blurb 2.0k words

summary: after months of an on-and-off relationship with you, jay feared that he'd hurt you. you know that he won't. maybe a few sweet words (and kisses) could convince him. angst to fluff, suggestive, jay is really really really DOWN BAD, insecurities

california dreamin' ★ blurb 1.6k words

summary: in the final months of your relationship, jay reminisces the taste of beach waves, southern california, and you. fluff, angst (ish), 80's au + timeskip, this is set in southern california, classic rich boy x alt girl

jake sim ★

hello kitty meets batman ★ fic 13.4k words

summary: jake sim was youtube's cut-throat, horror creator, known for his dark video style. meanwhile, you were the cutesy beauty vlogger, lighting up every algorithmically generated home page you touched. no one would have expected you two vastly different people to know each other, let alone be in a long-term relationship. fluff, youtuber! au, secret dating! au, established relationship, suggestive

my love (mine all mine) ★ blurb 1.5k words

summary: after years of abuse, jake is afraid of love, so why do you have to be so warm? angst, hurt/comfort, fluff, implied adult! au, mentions of domestic violence and abuse

show me how ★ fic ~10k words

coming soon!

sunghoon park ★

crush ★ blurb 0.9k words

summary: you love to tease your cute boyfriend, sunghoon. non-idol! au, bf! sunghoon, very fluffy and cute and domestic, sleepy! sunghoon,

head over heels ★ fic 16.9k words

summary: being a single mother was hard, especially when you lived in such a bustling, yet crime-ridden city. as a mother you personally dislike spider-man, even if your toddler son was obsessed with him. thank goodness, you have your best friend, sunghoon, to help you out at times. but little do you know, that same best friend of yours was spider-man. uh oh! spider-man! sunghoon, single mother! reader, friends to lovers, fluff

sunoo kim ★

espresso ★ fic 9.5k words

summary: that one time sunoo had a not-so innocent dream about you, and suddenly you're the only thing that consumed all of his senses. the problem? you're the most popular girl at the academy, and he's just a nerd. driven mad by his feelings for you, it felt like his chances with you were next to zero. it's actually much higher than he thought! dark academia! au, classic popular girl x nerd, romantic and sexual frustration, slightly suggestive, fluff!

jungwon yang ★

you've got to be kitten me! ★ fic 15.8k words (my personal fav btw)

summary: jungwon yang, the stuck-up class president, had a secret: at night, he transformed into a cat. when you, the class's residential troublemaker (and one of the people that jungwon simply couldn't bring himself to understand), accidentally discovered his secret, jungwon found himself questioning his role in the school hierarchy. non-idol! au, highschool! au, fluff, classmates to friends to lovers!!! very silly supernatural occurances

riki nishimura ★

sweater ★ blurb 1.0k words

summary: when riki doesn't recognize a sweater that you're wearing, he gets insecure. non-idol! au, bf! riki, hurt-comfort, fluff, insecurities

boy's night ★ blurb 1.7k words

summary: riki had no game, no rizz, which was why he employed the help of his six friends to text you. warning: having seven boys on the phone trying to text a girl does not give good results! non-idol! au, fluff

plushies and pouts ★ blurb 1.2k words

summary: that one time that riki punched your plushie and you got mad at him. fluff!!

supernova ★ blurb 3.7k words

summary: riki was the city's top hero, you were the top villain. when your archnemisis pulls up to your apartment late at night, all battered and bruised, you just sighed and took him in. you were a villain, not a monster! superhero! au, enemies to lovers, hurt/comfort, fluff, a lil bit of angst, injuries

misc ★

"is your girlfriend single?" ★ bullet points hyung line | maknae line

summary: youtuber! enhypen reacting to people thirsting over you. youtuber! au, non-idol! au, fluff

“noo! she’s taken!” ★ bullet points hyung line |maknae line

summary: you are a celebrity, and your relationship is finally revealed to the public. celebrity! au, non-idol! au, fluff

his "oh" moment ★ short scenarios 1.3k words total

summary: the exact moment that your enha boy realized he loved you. non-idol! au hyungs x fem! reader , fluff

cheater! ★ bullets/shorts

summary: that one time you mentioned another guy's name, and he gets jealous (and he's dumb) fluff, humor, dumb dumb boys, very minor angst and hurt/comfort non-idol! au hyungs x fem! reader

exe.enhaboy_stopped_working.exe ★ short scenarios 3.0k words total

summary: how to fluster your enhypen boy beyond words! non-idol! au, can be interpreted as established relationship or otherwise, fluff, ot7

how you hurt him ★ short scenarios 2.9k words total

summary: all the ways that you hurt him (ft. song lyrics) angst, toxic relationship, toxic! reader, ot7

shh! ★ bullet points

summary: your secret relationship with him (& how you get caught!) non-idol! jay x fem! reader, non-idol sunghoon x fem! reader, fluff

[angelplummie]

Okay so like for starterssssss, I love getting represented as a chubby gal 🥺🥺 so I love you for writing that last Oikawa imagineeeee 😩😩😩

Soooo, I was wondering if I could request a plus size reader that really likes Kuroo, (and he’s like a super cliché bad boy🤰🏽) but he’s too embarrassed to be seen with Y/n. So she starts to hit on his friend or try to make him jealous. (I want you to add your own little idea here! But likeee, make her a baddie 😘😘)

Thanks baby 😚

HE’S A SCUMBAG DON’T YOU KNOW

KUROO X CHUBBY F!READER

Angsty?? kinda, a pinch of suggestive stuff

masterlist

post girlboss was referring to

a/n:i decided to go for emo / anger issues / definitely has punched a hole in his wall kuroo, just cuz i love writing losers, and i love seeing grown men cry. reader is like 20/21 just like college age yk, kuroo is 23 as stated in fic. p.s where my artic monkey hoes at

warnings: swearing, mentions of sex n specific sexual acts, suggestive stuff, uhhh bad boy but he’s not a (bad boy) he’s just a (bad) (boy) he’s just no good, like no fr never date guys like this, he may SEEM COOL and give you the dick but girl you will be so embarrassed once u realised u gave up the kitty for a man that genuinely believes tame impala and mac demarco are unheard of and calls himself an empath even though he’s mean to his mum every time she comes over to help with the laundry and has manipulated every girl he’s ever been in the vicinity of but i digress! on with the story!

“Kuroo-!” you yelped in surprised, bed bouncing beneath you. The second he had thrown you down, he ripped off his shirt and made a noise of frustration when he couldn’t shed his skinny jeans fast enough. Brows furrowed, he began hopping furiously to yank them off.

You laughed, much to his annoyance.

“You’re gonna hurt yourself if you keep up with that. What’s the rush?”

He sighed, and carefully pulled them off his ankles. Standing up straight, he seemed to have composed himself, with that cocky smirk on his rugged face. Your eyes trailed down his lean, long body. It was all you could do not to scream, he was so gorgeous. He took a few sweeping steps to where you lay, and got right on top of you, hands either side of your head. His eyes bore into you, it made you squirm internally, not that you would ever admit it.

“Just want you so bad, kitten.”

You barked out a laugh as if your heart didn’t jolt at his stupid pet name. It was such a stupid name, but coming from him it made you melt. Again, not like you’d ever admit it.

“Ew, Tetsu don’t call me kitten, it’s cr-“

He cut you off by leaning down and kissing you, you could feel his snake bites against your bottom lip. He groaned softly, shoving his tongue down your throat. He tasted like his sour apple vape, and his hair was soft when you ran your fingers through it. You could barely contain your butterflies, eyes squeezed closed.

“Come on babe, you know you like it.”

No matter how many times you and Kuroo hung out, it always felt so fresh. Maybe it was because he was exciting, or because he was a little bit wild, you didn’t know.

He leaned down closer to you, getting on his elbows, deepening the kiss. He pulled away and smirked at your breathlessness. With a slender, ring adorned hand, he reached beneath your top and cupped your tits over your bra. He gave them a sharp squeeze and started placing chaste kisses on your neck. He was considerate like that, didn’t leave hickeys because he knew they’d be hard to cover for you. He groaned as he jiggled the fat of your boobs in his hands,

“God, you have the nicest tits, babe.”

You had been dating for nearly 3 months now, if that was what it was. To be honest, you weren’t really sure what you were. You hang out all the time at his or your place, there was rarely a time when you didn’t have an ache between your legs, one way or another. He didn’t really take you on ‘dates’ but chatting to him was fun in itself, you didn’t need to go out to do that. He didn’t necessarily say romantic stuff either... but he didn’t not say romantic stuff either? He beat up your ex at a party one time! That had to mean something right? He exactly wouldn’t tell you how he felt but he showed you, kissing your cheek or tilting your chin up to look at him or kissing your neck or feeling you up. But that usually led to sex, so you couldn’t be certain. It wasn’t like you only screwed though, you watched your favourite movies together... although the last couple times he just started fingering you. You showed him your playlists? No no, he showed you his playlists, his sex playlists. There seemed to be a common theme here. But... there were times, afterwards, when he would pull in you so tight, tell you how good you were for him, how well you did, how pretty you looked. Any doubts you had were gone after a few hushed words on his tobacco reeking rickety old bed. You’d never really had a relationship like this before, but you assumed it was just because Kuroo was so chill. You were probably boyfriend and girlfriend, he just didn’t feel the need to announce it, he was laidback like that. So what if you guys had a lot of sex? Weren’t you a new couple? Wasn’t this just the honeymoon stage were you can’t get your hands off each other? You didn’t want to seem high maintenance and nag, so you let it be. He was sweet enough to you, right now everything was good.

Until it wasn’t.

A clatter sounded downstairs, the door slamming open against the hallway wall.

“Kuroo! Hey man, I brought some California!”, a voice called from bellow.

Kuroo broke away immediately, spit trailing from your neck to his pink lips.

“Shit, shit, shit, shit,” Kuroo mumbled, pushing off the bed and scrambling the pick up his discarded clothes and shove them back on.

You sat up, disgruntled, rearranging your bra strap from were he’d kneaded at it.

“What’s wrong? Who is that?”

He shot you a glance before continuing to yank back on his jeans.

“Uh, so change of plan, I can’t do tonight. I need you to go home. Discreetly.”

What?

“What? Tetsu, I’m already here,” you scoffed.

What was going on?

Why was he acting like this?

You had never seen him so... frantic.

“I know babe, and I’m really sorry about that, but my friends are here early than I said.”

“So? Can’t I meet your friends?”

He didn’t reply for a moment, just let out an exasperated breath, zipping up his fly.

“Well, yeah you can meet them, just not with me. I don’t want them knowing that I-“

He cut himself off, but you had heard enough to understand.

There was a beat of silence, only disturbed by Kuroo’s friends calling for him.

Your mouth hung open, and you scoffed in shock.

You shouldn’t be surprised really. It’s so obvious now that you think about it. So that’s what this was. That explains everything. He didn’t really like you, he was just using you. That’s why he didn’t take you anywhere, or why he didn’t show you he cared. It was because he didn’t. He wasn’t “afraid of getting close to people” or “emotionally distant”, he was just upfront about not giving two shits about you aside from your vagina. I guess he didn’t want his friends to know he was furiously screwing a fat girl any chance he got. He was embarrassed of you. You were something to be ashamed of. Your stomach jerked as you got to your feet. You were pissed, but that didn’t mean it didn’t really hurt. You had liked him. A lot.

“What the fuck is that supposed to mean?”

You could see the panic in his eyes, it was quite funny actually. Of course you new what it meant, but it still made you feel a little better to watch his eyes widen like that, to hold a shred of power over him.

“I mean- well I didn’t- come on babe you know I didn’t mean it like that-“ he laughed nervously, not noticing the footsteps in the landing. You rolled your eyes. You may have been naive, but you certainly weren’t going to fall for his shit again. Whatever he spouted.

“Don’t give me that bullshit. Just say it, your embarrassed of me.”

“Y/N, please, don’t you think-“

Two men burst through the door, one with spiked grey hair and one with fluffy black hair.

“Kuroo! What the hell are you doing up here we’ve been-“ the grey haired one, stopped when his eyes went from a shirtless Kuroo to you.

Your eyes flickered to Kuroo, he looked mortified.

“Ah. I see. Well, Akaashi, we better give these two some time, we can just-“

“Oh no, I was just leaving,” you grabbed your jacket from on top of his chest of drawers and turned back to the two men, putting on a big smile, adrenaline and fury spurring you on.

“I’m Y/N, by the way.”

Your eyes shot to Kuroo, who looking like get was about to shit himself.

“You probably haven’t heard of me, me and Kuroo have actually been having sex for three months. He kept it a secret because he’s embarrassed of me. We should hang out soon though!”

“Y/N-!” Kuroo yelled, exasperation clear in his tone, but you were already descending the stairs.

He came into the hall, hands rubbing his temples.

“Y/N just come talk for a second, I can-“

But he was cut off by the door slamming.

You got in your car parked outside and sped away.

The whir of the engine and the monotony of the roads cleared your mind a bit, a mist of anger still remaining.

You can’t believe you let yourself be tricked. you were a fully grown woman, but you had been reeled in hook, line and sinker. Not only had you been reeled in, you have been reeled in by a man that still had tik tok LED lights in his room and a fucking monster can collection at the age of 24 fucking years old. The more you thought about him, the more you realised how much of an emo loser he was. Of course you were still hurting, but it was more of the angry hurt you feel when it turns out your crush is homophobic or something (been there done that, don’t ask). He was a waste of oxygen, you had decided by the time you made it back to your apartment. A waste of perfectly good space that could most definitely not get the kitty anymore. You got inside your house, pulled on some comfies and got on facetime with your friends.You told them all about what happened, and they passionately bitched about him with you, confirming your suspicion that they never liked him in the first place. They also told you to forget about his existence, he wasn’t worth a slither of your brain power, he was dirt compared to you. All in all, you felt marginally better, saying goodbye to your friends while they still giggled about how stupid Kuroo’s hair was.

This was just a speed bump, you thought as you tucked yourself into bed, you would get over this.

Fast.

“Who’s Bokuto been talking to all night?” Yamamoto leaned over to ask Lev, shouting over the blaring music.

It was a week after you had thrown Kuroo to the curb, and he was out with a couple of volleyball friends, some from Nekoma, but there was also Bokuto with them.

“I’m not sure. I think it’s Y/N something? She’s in class. She’s pretty chill.”

Kuroo’s ears perked up, and he turned around to face his friends up against the bar.

“Bokuto’s talking to who?” he said through gritted teeth.

“Y/N. She goes to my-“

“I know who Y/N is,” kuroo snapped, taking a swig of the beer in his hand and scanning the dance floor for either one of you. He found bokuto first, shoulder against the wall, holding a drink as he leant down to have you whisper something in his ear. That’s when Kuroo paid attention to you. You looked... you looked gorgeous. He felt jealousy creep up inside him. How many times had you been out looking like that since you broke things off? How many guys had you slept with since? How dare Bokuto chat you up when he knew you two had been a thing? Wasn’t he meant to be Kuroo’s friend? As Kuroo wound himself up, you and bokuto continued your extremely pleasant conversation.

“I just wanna say, sorry about Kuroo. He’s a real bonehead, but we’ve been friends since high school so I can’t ditch him.”

You snorted into your cocktail.

“What?”

“Bonehead?”

He frowned and straightened up indignantly.

“Yeah, and? What’s wrong with bonehead?”

“No no, nothing, it’s just very Legally Blonde.”

He beamed down at you.

“I love Legally Blonde!”

“You do? Me too!”

This big beefy man was very cute, you had been talking for nearly three hours now, but you never ran out of things to say. And, aside from the obligatory introduction compliments, he had not made any move to try and get you into a wendy’s bathroom as quick as possible, which you couldn’t say of yours and kuroo’s first meeting.

He had dreamy eyes, you noted as he smiled for the nth time that night.

“Whose your favourite-?”

“What the fuck are you doing man?”

You glanced scathingly over to the familiar face of your old fling.

“What?” Bokuto asked back, clearly done with his friends bad boy shtick.

“Why are you talking to her when... when you know?”

“What’s there to know? I’m talking to her because I want to, and she wants to.”

He looked over to you for approval.

“Right?”

You nodded, a little nervous. You hated Kuroo’s guts, but you knew how weirdly possessive he was, you didn’t wanna cause trouble for Bokuto.

“See? Now I don’t think she wants to see you, right?”

He looked at you again. You nodded again.

“Ok? You guys are over, now are we done?”

Kuroo huffed. His eyes flitted from Bokuto to you, remembering you were there most likely, and he scowled.

“No, we aren’t done, what are you trying to pull anyway? Trying to piss me off by talking to someone I know? Are you really that petty? Well, your little plan is working, so just-just stop, ok?”

You felt like screaming. You had just come out here to have a nice time, not listen to Kuroo’s narcissistic whining.

“Can you just fuck off? Was I not clear enough or something? You’re dead to me, Kuroo. I’m just trying to have a nice night.”

Kuroo’s mouth gaped open. He had never been spoken to like that, never. He clenched his fists at his sides and his glare intensified.

“You’re lucky I gave you the time of day, fat ugly slut.”

He grabbed Bokuto’s shoulder roughly, turning him to face him completely.

“Hey man, thanks for clearing up my sloppy seconds, really good of you. Good to know I’ve got great friends like you.”

Those were the last things out of Kuroo’s mouth before bokuto landed a punch on his cheek, knocking him to the ground.

“You’re a fucking asshole man,” Bokuto grunted.

He stepped over where Kuroo lay, and held out a hand for you to step over too. You took it quietly and trailed along behind him to the door, fingers still locked. His hands were warm, and big. Kuroo’s face must hurt right now. The thought made you smile. He held the door open for you before sighing, resting his back against the wall. You stood in front of him, twiddling with your fingers.

“I am so sorry about that,” You apologised, embarrassed and shaken by the scene Kuroo had made, “I shouldn’t have wound him up, and I shouldn’t have talked to you after I knew you guys were friends, I promise I didn’t mean to start anything.”

“Don’t be, if anything I’m sorry for not making him leave right away. And either way,” he gently reached for your hand again, and you let him take it,”I’m glad you talked to me. I’d like it if you talked to me even more.”

DISCLAIMER FOR KUROO STANS!!!! I DONT THINK HIS HAIR IS STUPID!!! it’s just when ur bestie is going thru a break up or anything entailing a male you shit talk everything about him to high hell, doesn’t matter if he’s the most beautiful man you’ve ever seen. also i have no ill will towards kuroo nor any of the characters i write shit bag fan fics about i just like to complain any way i hope you enjoyed! reblogs and replies always appreciated!!!

[wonderfulworldofmichaelford]

Psycho Analysis: Suicide Squad Team A

(WARNING! This analysis contains SPOILERS! Seriously, as soon as you click that read more, you’re gonna be smacked with SPOILERS! Don’t say I didn’t give you ample warning this time!)

The world’s in danger yet again, and Amanda Waller is in need of some expendable forces to take on some dirty jobs in the name of preserving peace. Last time she did this, it seems like she hired the wrong people. Nice guy Will Smith Deadshot? Bland, boring Killer Croc? El Diablo, who became attached to a bunch of reprobates after spending a couple hours with them? The only one who was useful in that squad was Katana. She had their backs, could cut all of them in half with one sword stroke just like mowing the lawn, and her sword traps the souls of its victims. Unfortunately, she was decidedly not expendable, so what is a girlboss like Waller to do?

Easy: Assemble a brand new squad of criminals to do the dirty work. Harley and Boomerang are the only ones she brought back, because let’s be real, they’re the only ones we give a damn about. Filling out the rest of the squad are the stoic, craggy crackshot Savant; the handsome, German spear-thrower Javelin; the alien warrior Mongal; the frothing, psychotic animal Weasel; the confident and all-powerful TDK; and Blackguard, who is literally just a guy. Together, this team gets deployed to Corto Maltese to do what no one else can do, and with skills like theirs, they are absolutely unstoppable!

They all fucking die before the opening credits.

Motivation/Goals: Considering the goal of the squad is to shave time off their prison sentences by going on the mission, it’s ostensibly the reason every single one of these goons accepted the job. Savant and Weasel are pretty well established in this regard; we get to focus on Savant for much of the opening, so we can get a sense of him, and Weasel is stated to have murdered no less than 27 children. So, yeah, they need to do this mission.

The rest, though? Who knows! Why are Mongal, Javelin, and TDK in prison? How did they even get an alien like Mongal? What did they do to land in the position they’d need to go on a suicide mission? Why doesn’t this movie have flashy, intrusive cards explaining everything to us in a throwaway gag in a montage?!

Blackguard, at least, has some other motivation. He sold out the entire squad to the military of Corto Maltese, which is why they’re ambushed. Now, there’s actually some ambiguity here: Did he do this of his own volition, and was this a complete surprise, or is it, as it is heavily implied, all part of Waller’s plan and she let this happen as a diversion for the other team to get in unnoticed?

Honestly, though, it doesn’t matter what their goals are. They’re all dead within five minutes of the movie starting, with one exception.

Performance: So, the reason these guys are even worth talking about is because, despite their minuscule screentime, all of their actors manage to cram in enough humor and characterization that they’re all pretty fun and likable. Michael Rooker is as stony and stoic as ever as Savant (until he hilariously isn’t), Flula Borg’s Javelin is really sweet and charming in his interactions with Harley, and Pete Davidson’s Blackguard is just amazingly douchey and pathetic. Special mention goes to Nathan Fillion’s TDK, who has an utterly endearing and unwavering faith in his astoundingly crappy ability to… detach his arms. It’s honestly kind of beautiful. Then there’s Weasel as portrayed by Sean Gunn, who is just a hilarious crackhead of an animal man.

Final Fate: Literally every single one of them die horribly thanks to Blackguard’s betrayal. He’s the first to go, because as soon as he walks out saying “Hey guys, it’s me, the one who contacted you!” he literally has his face blasted clean off. The rest go soon after. Mongal, in one of the most astounding moments of idiocy I’ve ever seen, leaps on a helicopter despite Rick Flag telling her specifically not to. Her weight and strength send it careening out of control, which leads to it shredding Captain Boomerang to bits before exploding, burning her alive as she painfully screams and writhes in agony. TDK gets his arms shot into Swiss cheese, leading to him bleeding out since even detached they still are part of him. Javelin is also shot, but gets a dying moment with Harley where he passes her Checkov’s Javelin. Finally, after witnessing all of this carnage, Savant completely loses his shit and tries to swim away, leading to Waller blowing his head up.

You may be wondering what happened to Weasel. He appears to drown as soon as the Squad deploys, because despite being actually smart in this movie, Waller forgot to make sure everyone on the Squad could swim. Thankfully, this lovable child-murdering crackhead rodent was just sleeping, and wakes up in the first credit scene.

Best Scene: Obviously, it’s their one and only scene. It’s a magnificent slaughter that puts the X-Force scene from Deadpool 2 to shame.

Final Thoughts & Score: I’ve gotta hand it to James Gunn. Even though these losers are only onscreen for a few minutes, they all get to cram a lot of charm and personality into that time, to the point it’s actually kind of sad seeing them all die. It’s a beautiful mix of comedy and tragedy. Since their screentime is so limited, though, I’m mostly going to be grading them on style, performance, and so on rather than on villainy like normal. They are all bad guys, as they don’t really get a chance to redeem themselves like the other Squad, so I’m still counting them as villains, which means they could potentially score above an 8 (which is the highest score I’m willing to give heel-face turn villains, because they end up being better as characters in general than as villains).

I’m also not going to talk about Boomerang (I’ll talk about him when I review the original Squad) or Harley (because she not only lives, but deserves her own solo Psycho Analysis). Now here we go, from best to worst:

TDK

If you thought anyone but TDK would get top marks, you’re sadly mistaken. Seeing Nathan Fillion proudly wield the insanely lame power to detach his arms to lightly tap soldiers on the head and gently grab their guns is a sight I never knew I needed to see until this movie. The fact he just seems so darn proud about this power that he doesn’t even bother to use in any way that would be remotely useful is honestly really endearing. Frankly, the sheer fact they adapted Arms-Fall-Off Boy in any way is enough for me to give him a 10/10.

Weasel

Weasel is just disgustingly delightful. He’s just a horrible, nasty, ugly little bastard… But he’s kind of adorable? He clearly has no idea where he is at any given time and is just so goddamn freaky that I can’t help but love him. The fact that, despite being a character who in the comics is noteworthy only for dying on his first mission with the Squad, he manages to survive the entire movie is pretty impressive. Hopefully he comes back in the future, but either way he gets an 8/10 from me.

Javelin

Honestly, aside from Boomerang, his death stung the most. He’s just so cute and charming, and he doesn’t even get to fling his javelin at anyone! Thankfully, he passes it on to Harley, and boy does she ever get to use it! He’s so cute, I have to give him an 8/10. I just wish we got more of him.

Savant

Savant is just an absolutely hilarious bait-and-switch. We follow him through the prologue, with everything seeming to point to him as our main character and the Squad leader. He’s stoic, he’s cranky, and he has impeccable aim… and then we get to the beach and he just freaks the hell out and starts screaming and crying and running away like a little bitch. Seeing Michael Rooker act like he’s shitting his pants after playing a badass like Yondu is just the sort of hilarious subversiveness that James Gunn loves to do when you let him loose. The fact that he looks like, to paraphrase the TVTropes YMMV page for the movie, a “cyberpunk Tommy Wiseau” is the icing on this 7/10 cake.

Blackguard

I was prepared to hate this guy just based on how lame Pete Davidson’s costume was, and you know what? I do hate him. But I love to hate him. He’s just an utterly pathetic scoundrel and a coward, true to his name. The fact he is the first to die, as just about everyone predicted, and is killed absolutely gruesomely makes any annoyance he could provide moot, and his freeakout over being seated next to Weasel on the plane is actually kind of funny. I was originally going to give him a 6, but you know what? He can have a low 7/10. He’s like the only member of this particular Squad to actually do anything evil, so I gotta give him props for that.

Mongal

Let me make this perfectly clear: I do not blame James Gunn or actress Mayling Ng. I’m not actually mad at either of them for what they chose to do, because it is ultimately hilarious and sad. It suited the narrative of the film, and I’m not actually, genuinely mad.

With all that out of the way, Mongal is one hell of a stupid cunt. It is one thing to cause your own death with your stupidity, it is something else entirely to cause the death of a beloved character with your poorly planned attack. The fact she didn’t take into account how her weight and strength would effect an airborne helicopter makes one wonder if she is really supposed to be based on a character who can take on Superman and live to tell about it.

Let’s compare her to two similar characters to really show how bad she is. Like Blackguard, she is directly responsible for a death on the beach, Blackguard being responsible for everyone by selling them out and leading them into an ambush (and yes, I’m including him as well), and Mongal killing Boomerang with the chopper. The difference is, Blackguard’s betrayal was deliberate, he meant to sell the team out, he was actively doing something evil there, while Mongal killed Boomerang out of sheer idiocy.

Now, let’s compare her to Zeitgeist from the similar bloody massacre that occurred during X-Force’s deployment in Deadpool 2. Like Mongal, he accidentally kills a teammate. The difference is, in the case of Zeitgeist, he only accidentally melted Peter, it was a freak accident, and ultimately it does get undone by the end. Meanwhile, Mongal made a conscious, stupid decision and ended up killing her squadmate with her own idiocy. She sucks, hardcore. I don’t do this lightly, but I’m giving her a 1/10. Villains just don’t get much stupider than her.

I will giver her this, though: the makeup work on her is good. She’s lowkey kinda hot if I’m being honest. But being hot and having good makeup does not a good villain make.