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birdiely · 9 days

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Something Uniquely Human

Chapter 2 boys let's go (Chapter 1) (ao3 link)

Doctor, I Can't Tell If I'm Not Me

One way to absolve his crime.

Of all the things he expected to happen after speaking with the lizard, this had to be the worst possible option. There aren't a lot of things that could bother Bill Cipher; there's no form of torture, no violent act or psychological horror that could sway him when he's made up his mind. And believe him, people have tried. He laughs in the face of his torturers, sometimes giving them advice because they clearly don't know how to torture people effectively.

But this–this was unlike anything he had ever endured. Alone in a white room, his only company a single mirror and the various inspirational posters the wardens with the audacity to call themselves nurses had put up for him, he lay on his bed staring at the blank ceiling. He replayed his conversation with that stupid reptile over and over again. Honestly he thought it had gone pretty well, there wasn't much more he could've said to make himself look good. It wasn't his fault Axie’s a pretentious, holier than thou, self-righteous, know it all, moron.

Every day was exactly the same. Talk therapy, group therapy, arts and crafts, puppet hour, reflection time, talk therapy, group therapy, arts and crafts, puppet hour, reflection time. The only thing that ever broke up the never ending cycle of people poking around at his business was the surprise checkups. Which was just more people poking around at his business, honestly, but at least this time he could get them to stick the IV in and leave him alone.

His train of thought halted when he heard the knock at the door. “Patient 63205? This is nurse Premolaris, I'm coming in.” Bill sighed and sat up. Here we go again. “Good evening 63205, how are we today?” Premolaris was probably his favorite of all the nurses and therapists around this awful place. That's not to say that he liked her by any means, it's just that she's the least terrible. She had a toothy smile a little too large for her face, and 8 eyes stacked on top of eachother. Bill thought that that was too many features for one face, one eye had served him just fine for longer than her species had even existed. “Terrible. I hate it here.” He answered her flatly, rubbing his face and she wheeled in a cart of medical supplies. She hummed in thought at his response. “Have you been doing your positive affirmations?” She sat down on a small stool and typed something into a holographic pad in front of her. It faced away from him and he couldn't tell what was being written down, he just knew he resented it.

“Oh, of course! Everyday I stare at myself in the mirror and tell myself what a pretty princess I am!” He clasped his hands together and kicked his short legs back and forth off the bed sarcastically. “Please. If there was anything good worth saying about myself I would know it already.” He dropped the act with that and crossed his arms, looking away from her. “Now, Bill,” the use of his real name took him aback a bit, “You know very well that that isn't the purpose of positive affirmations. Having knowledge, and being convinced of something are two very separate ideas.” He huffed. She put the cold metal of her stethoscope up to the closest area he had to a chest. It made him shiver. “Remember what you learned about self deprecation? Give me your arm,” She wrapped the stethoscope around her neck and held out her hand. He rolled his eyes but held out his arm surprisingly willingly this time, and Premolaris put a small clamp over his index finger. She continued as she read the data on the screen, “What you s-” Bill cut her off, “What you say about yourself you believe about yourself. Blah blah blah, I know.” She looked at him with a disappointed expression, but didn't linger on the subject anymore. He cringed internally. He was so sick of people looking at him like that; that terrible mix of disappointment and pity, it was driving him nuts.

She typed something in again and removed the clamp, and he retracted his hand. “Well 63205, I'm going to be honest with you. I personally do not see you leaving any time soon.” “Wow, thanks.” He answered in an exasperated, monotone voice. “However,” she emphasized, “Somebody special has requested to see you.” Now that got his attention. A requested visit? Somebody special? Who in the multiverse would willingly visit Bill Cipher? Certainly not those backstabbing henchmaniacs, they haven't come to see him once. Although he couldn't totally blame them, he wouldn't willingly visit this place either, regardless of who was inside. Before he could ask any of the many questions plaguing him though, she stood up with a sigh, gathered her things and started to leave. “Have a good rest of your day, 63205. I'll see you in the morning.” The door opened and closed behind her quietly. And he was left alone with his thoughts again.

When night finally came he couldn't bring himself to sleep. Sleep had become one of his dominant coping mechanisms for the draining dullness of his everyday, and yet he couldn't stop his mind from running through a list of everyone he knew. As the night dragged on, he could hear the night shift workers outside his door. He thought again about Premolaris' sentence, and the context she said it in. And suddenly, like a freight train, the realization hit him all at once. The only person in any dimension that would want to speak to him about leaving the theraprism, it couldn't have been more obvious. He internally cursed at himself for becoming just as slow as all the other knock off villains in this place. And suddenly he was more eager than ever to get to sleep. He closed his eye trying to force his consciousness away.

—---------------------------------------

A different form, a different time.

He fluttered his eye open, giddy like a little kid when he saw absolutely nothing. The small, padded room he had grown somewhat used to seeing was replaced with deep space and distant star clusters. Before him rested the Axolotl. He held an unreadable expression, and patiently waited for Bill to fully come to. Oh this was going to be so easy. All Bill had to do was recite all the big therapy words he memorized, tell a good sob story, and fain repentance. He had to fight to keep the smug look off his face.

“Bill Cipher.” The Axolotl's voice echoed out into the void, reverberating off of Bill. “How has therapy been treating you?” “Oh, it's been great, Axie. I really feel like a new triangle.” Bill said, adjusting his bow tie. “This is good to hear. Although some have said you are having trouble, is this true?” “Psh, of course not.” Bill waved him off. “You know me, Ax, I'm the best patient they have. I'm running circles around all those other wannabes.” He stretched out his hand to look at his nonexistent nails. The Axolotl hummed at that. That's never a good sign. “Self improvement is not a competition, Bill, there is no trophy of gold. Perhaps you are not as ready as I have been told.” “What?!” He cleared his throat–as if that makes sense–and tried to regain his composure. “I just- I meant I'm making so much progress it could be considered a sport. Not that it is-! Figure of speech, y'know?” Nailed it.

“Ah, I see. In that case I have summoned you to bear you one final word, only good news, rest assured.” “Lay it on me, Axie.” “To earn your freedom, one final test. However be warned, failure means eternal rest.” For just a moment Bill let his concern wash over his face before scrunching it back into its calm and collected facade. What in any world did that mean? failure means eternal rest? What, is he going to actually kill him if he screws this up? He decided not to worry about that, though. How could he possibly screw it up? He always had some cheat or scam, there's no way.

“What kind of test..?” He questioned. Though some part of him didn't want to know. “A record of all those who you have burned; to gain your freedom, first forgiveness must be earned.” You have got to be kidding. “Forgiveness? Hey, don't worry about it, big guy. I totally forgive you for locking me away in prison against my will.” A little cockiness sneaked its way into his tone. “That is not what I meant.” “Ehh, worth a shot. So who is this final boss anyway?” “The choice is yours, but wise may your choice be, not all will grant you such mercy.”

What a joke. Gaining anyone's forgiveness would be the easiest task he could think of. Who wouldn't forgive him, he's so charming? And it's not like he's done anything actually wrong, humans in particular just tended to be extra sensitive. Speaking of: his choice definitely needed to be human. It was so easy to trick those flesh bags it was almost comical. He ran through a mental list of all the humans he had met, but quickly had to narrow it down to the ones who were still even alive. The Axolotl could visibly see the light bulb go off in his head as he came to his conclusion.

“Stanford Pines, 21st century.” He declared with pride. Of course he had to choose good ol Fordsy. He was reliably consistent, malleable, and oh so gullible. If he wasn't senile by now he could easily fall back on old tricks; Ford's almost crippling insecurities and need to feel important was too great to withstand Bill's attention. A couple well placed compliments and reassurance and Ford would practically be begging to make another deal. He almost felt bad for slipping right under Axie’s nose like that. Almost.

“And you are sure this is the being you wish to meet? It may not be as simple as you think. For if trouble should befall you in this land, I will no longer be here to hold your hand.” The Axolotl warned, but he was quickly brushed off by Bill's unwavering self confidence. “Yeah, yeah, yeah I get it. Improvement takes time, forgiveness is earned not taken, yak, yak, yak. I've heard this all 100 times over, Ax. Just snap your fingers and let's make this happen, yeah?” The Axolotl sighed at his impatience. “Very well. To truly know your old friend's woes, you will walk among them, one or their own.” “Wait, what?” “This is your final warning, a message to heed; Gain forgiveness or cease to be. May your journey be successful, I wish you well in your new vessel.” “New vessel? Now wait just a minute, Axie, what're you…” But before he could even finish his sentence, let alone process Axie’s, he felt his vision blur and his consciousness slip out from under him.

—---------------------------------------

His whole body ached and his head was spinning. He attempted to open his eye but was met with the blinding light of the sun directly over him. He closed his eye again, screwing it shut to block out the blazing rays. At the very least he knew he successfully made it to earth. He groaned and rubbed his face, laying on his back. Wait a minute. No, that wasn't right. He dragged his hands over his face, feeling every bump and divot in utter bewilderment. A large structure protruded from the middle of his face, and underneath it he found two flaps covering a chasm. He recognized this layout of features, and the realization of what was happening horrified him. It was the kind of softness and roundness he only felt while possessing a human being. But there was no way, no possible way the Axolotl would do that to him, right? He opened his eye-eyes-again, this time careful not to stare directly into the sun. If he really is somehow in a human body he'll have plenty of time for that later.

He looked around himself, taking a minute to adjust to the new found depth perception. Tall trees and warm grass surrounded him, though the grass itched his skin. With another groan he attempted to sit up, he felt the pull of gravity firmly take hold of him and try to force him back down. His stomach lurched and the world spun around at a dizzying speed. He closed his eyes again and held his face in his hands, both to stop the vertigo, and to completely focus on not vomiting in the grass.

He cursed at himself for being naive enough to believe that ugly salamander, of course this would happen. He always has to twist his word and bend the truth in some way. Not too much unlike Bill, but it was different when it was happening to him! He tried to open only one of his eyes, at least to get a better look at his surroundings, but the vertigo wasn't any better with one eye closed. He propped himself up with hands and fought with his stomach to stand on wobbly legs. He held out his hands for balance like a newborn deer. He only got a few steps away before his knees buckled under him and sent him crashing unceremoniously to the ground, landing on his knees harshly. The sudden drop was the final straw for his stomach and he doubled over, throwing up in the small clearing. He stumbled backwards off of knees to be fully sitting back down so he didn't land face first in it.

There was absolutely no way this was happening. Was this some kind of sick prank? Did humans seriously live like this every day? This was disgusting. It felt completely different to possessing a human. There was a barrier then, an obvious distinction between the body and Bill. But now he could feel every automatic process his body maintained to keep itself alive. Every expansion of his lungs, every beat of his heart, the acid bubbling in his stomach. It was almost overwhelming.

He thought about the Axolotl's words, “Gain forgiveness or cease to be…I wish you well in your new vessel.” He felt his puny heart jump in his chest. Ew. The sound of it filled his ears, it made him feel even more sick. He really did have no choice. He needed to find Sixer and get this over with or that was that for him. His heart picked up the pace at the thought, he grimaced at the feeling. He lay back down in the scratchy and hard ground. The heat of the sun was so warm. He felt exhausted and everything hurt so bad. He closed his eyes as his breathing slowed, wondering if he would ever be himself again before he passed out.

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