#get very upset
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I LOVE THE WAY YOU WRITE TOJI a lot of people just straight up make him an asshole in a not so affectionate way
NONNIEEEE:(((((((((((((((((((( THAT'S THE BEST COMPLIMENT EVER I LOVE HIM SOO SO MUCH AND IT MAKES ME SO FUCKING HAPPY WHEN PPL SAY THAT THEY LIKE THE WAY I WRITE HIMM OH MY GODDDDD:(((((((((((( THANK YOUU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ILYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!
i am a massive massive softie toji truther i think he's definitely a grump and finds it hard to open up but when you finally swivel your way into his heart? he's so done for. i think he's THE best husband material and idc if anybody says otherwise he's perfect to me<3333
#by no means am i hating on anybody that does wanna make him into a lil meanie though!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#i read that too lmao i think it can be very fun#but i just personally wanna write more abt this teddy bear type of toji hehehhee#i will. squeeze him#:333333333333#very hard#OKEOKE THANK YOU FOR LOVING ME AND MY TOJI BY THE WAYY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#MWAH MWAH MWAH NONNIE MY DEAR!!!!!!!!!!!!!#friends!!#i'm generally just way too sensitive to make him into a proper asshole lmao liiike if he were to actually tease me a bit too hard i WOULD#get very upset#😭😭😭😭
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I think that one thing people fail to understand is that unsolicited literary criticism coming from an online stranger who is reading with no knowledge of what the authors intended goal is, is not going to be received the same as say: the authors beta reader or friends who know what the authors intended goal and has the sufficient knowledge and input to help the author reach that desired outcome.
"But I'm only trying to be helpful" How do I know you have the knowledge and literary skill for you to be able to actaully do that when we don't know each other and you are essentially a stranger to me? Are you applying this criticism based out of personal biased experience and desire to see the story or characterization be driven in another direction or tweaked, or do you know the author's intentions for the character? If the story is incomplete, are you basing your criticism of a character on the incomplete narration with only partial information available of them or are you building up a report until the story's completion? Did the author provide you with the information needed to make a fully informed criticism?
Have you discussed with the author what their plans are or are you assuming them based off the narration, especially if the narration is proven or implied to be unreliable or missing key points of the plot? Are you unbiased enough to help them reach their desired outcome for the characters and story regardless of your personal feelings towards the characters/antagonists and setting? Can you handle being told your specific input isn't wanted because you're a reader and/or have no written anything relating to their genre or topic? Do you understand and respect that the author's personal experiences might influence their writing and make it different than how you would have done it personally? Do you understand if an author only wants input from a specific demographic relating to their story?
If it's for fanfiction or other hobby media, are you holding a free hobby to a professional standard? Are you trying to give criticism because you feel like the author has produced 'subpar job performance' of their fic? Are you viewing their work as a personal intimate outlet or something that must conform with mass media? Are you applying rules and guidelines when the fic is shared for simple sharing sake? Is your criticism worded appropriately and focused on the parts where the author has requested input on rather than a general dismissal and or disapproval?
Have you put yourself in a place where you assumed you have the input needed for the story to evolve better, or have you asked what the author needs and what they're having trouble with? Can you handle having your criticism rejected if the author decides their story doesn't need the change and not take it as a personal offense against your character? Are you crossing that boundary because you think you are doing the author a favor? Are you trying to be helpful, or do you just want to be?
I think sometimes when people hear authors go 'please don't give me unsolicited writing advice or criticism' they automatically chalk it up to 'this author doesn't want ANY constructive feedback on their stuff at all' and not "i already have trusted individuals who will help me with my writing goals and- hey i don't know you like that, please stop acting so overly familiar with me'
#small rant brought to you by: listened to my younger sibling's friend be very upset today because an original story she wrote gets bashed#the story itself is fine maybe a little fast paced but overall she was happy with it's progress#and there is this one dude who keeps trying to tell her that her story needs to go another direction to 'make sense' and it changes the end#after she's repeatedly explained she's happy with the outcome and does not want to expand on that plot point any further#dude says she's 'unreceptive to criticism' no dude you're just being a dick#constructive criticism helps the AUTHOR reach THEIR intended goal#not steer the story in the direction a reader wants to see it go#sara shush#pls don't reblog with any 'but i take unsolicited criticism all the time' this isnt about you. your boundary is not other people's boundary
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i think its so funny when people take the way donnie acts at face value even though its a horrible lie because he's a horrible liar, while understanding leo is bullshitting very well despite him actually being GOOD at bullshitting. many such cases
#personal#rottmnt#although tbf its probably because with leo its unpacked more thoroughly in the movie#donnie is not a morally ambiguous emotionally unavailable bad boy. he is very sensitive actually#he's a little crybaby /aff#and like this isnt hidden. he isnt SECRETLY sensitive or secretly caring its very out in the open actually#he's not hiding it well AT ALL AND THEY ALL KNOW IT LMAOOOOOOOO#i think donnie's perception of himself is somewhat earnest and somewhat. not? he DEFINITELY thinks he's more evil than he actually is#BGHFHDHGJFHG#i think what causes him to lash out and struggle to communicate is his inability to articulate his feelings#they are just too big for him. like its the exact opposite of robotic#he cant force himself to give a fuck but when he DOES its too much#so he yells and lashes out or he shuts down completely#honestly i think the perception of him being too sensitive being a problem makes way more sense than the perception of him being 'robotic'#when it comes to struggles in how his family sees him at least#even in little ways you can see him take it pretty personally when he's insulted#he struggles to blow things off#and i think it would also explain his tendency to like. visibly calm himself down when he gets upset? its a thing he does a lot in the show#he desperately wants to destroy that perception of him because he's trying so hard to close himself off#he doesn't want to be the sensitive one that cant take anything. it especially works in line with his shell#it was a big inspiration for canary continuity tbh. donnie should struggle with being the sensitive one in fic more#mikey is more empathetic and he's more emotional but donnie's quicker to feel offended or take things personally#BACKED UP HEAVILY BY CANON#that 'you can be honest with me! no hard feelings' - 'he's lyinggggggg'#like he's not upset with them babying him as much as he is with them genuinely finding it frustrating that he can fall behind like that#and just cannot take shit like that. so he tries to pull back and not seem as affected as he is#theyre a very cuddly family but mind you they can be actually mean to each other like that!!
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FUNNIEST fucking shit that comes with making Danny eleven years old when he had his accident in "late at night, when the nightingale sings" is the implication following, that everything that happened in the show did too. And I fully intend on (mostly) keeping it like that. There'll be some changes (of which I need to figure out) but for the most part??? Yeah relatively the same.
Like I FULLY intend on keeping Dark Danny occurring 6 months post accident. Do you know how fucking HILARIOUS that is??? That Dan got his ass kicked by a goddamn FIFTH-SIXTH GRADER?? I'd never show my face ever again. Homeboy spent the last ten years being a one-man mass extinction event, only to get his ass beat by a kid who hasn't even lost his last baby tooth. That's hysterical. I'm losing my mind just thinking about it.
AND PARIAH DARK TOO. Imagine being an eons old tyrant capable of dragging whole towns down into your dimension, and you get singehandedly shoved back into your coffin in less than 48 hours by a kid whose bedtime is still 8:30. You didn't even have the time to expand your army! You were still trying to take over the city the kid came from!
And he just!!! Shoves you back in!! Insane! This kid hasn't even been dead for a full year yet! He's still growing in his ghost fangs! And he just knocked you flat on your ass in an oversized mech suit. What the fuck! It's like looking down and seeing a four week old kitten meowing very indignantly at you and trying to bite your feet, except that kitten is also actually a black-footed cat and they have a 60% kill success rate, and oops! Now you're dead. You took too long laughing at the kitten trying to attack you that it clawed up your pant leg and ripped out your throat.
COULD I, realistically, span these episodes out over the course of 2.5 years prior to Danny's family dying?? Yes I could! Do I think it's hilarious (and horribly traumatizing, which makes it twice as fun) to shove all of this into the span of (roughly) a year instead?? Yes. Because the show has such a skewed timeline that I've always just assumed that at the end of the show, Danny was starting his sophomore year in high school. So fuck it, lets go for it!
#dpxdc#danny fenton is not the ghost king#dp x dc#dpxdc crossover#dp x dc crossover#blood blossom au#my fic#danny fenton#danny phantom#if i REALLY want to get into it i'll have to look at the show's episode synopsis and pick and choose which episodes happen when in the year#maybe pull a scarlet lady and have some of the season 1 episodes happen further down the line instead. but i can do that later. for now#come laugh with me at the mental image of teeny 11 year old danny curbstomping ghosts twice is size and thrice his weight.#bruce is watching old footage from the phantom fights in amity and going 'HNN' in increasing concern. he's got his hands folded and his#chin in his hands and he's going (ಠ_ಠ) with his face and he has SO many questions and concerns. for many. many different reasons#first of all he's incredibly upset that danny had to go through this at all in the first place. like no kid should've gone thru this alone#but he. is also. very very softly. going *'what the fuck...'*
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Hi Gigi :3
Are we gonna get a hold them down animation? Or no because the uncomforty topic?
that's up for the future to decide
I'll be busy with commissions up until february I think, so util then I won't be working on any Epic animatics
and then once I have time again I'll finish God Games
and after that I kinda want to do Legendary-
#why do I draw like I'm running out of time#every day I draw like I'm running out of time#I would definitely enjoy making a hold them down animatic#the vocals on this song are simply too divine I love Antinous' voice so much#like when he died I actually got kinda upset just because I wanted to hear him sing more#even though the song is a bit too dark for what I normally work on I think I could make it work in my style#I'd just make the gruesome descriptions these very subtle drawings that wouldn't last long#and let the lyrics get the message across better than the visuals#gigi's asks#epic the musical
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Ok but au where Jason had vitiligo or poliosis since he was a kid and always had the white hair streak but just dyed it when he was with Bruce so as to not give away Robins identity. Stops doing that after he died cuz there wasn’t really a point. Somehow the rest of the family (minus Bruce) didn’t even KNOW he has poliosis/vitiligo and just assumes it’s a death thing
This leads to many confusing conversations
#Cass gets very upset when she comes out of the Lazarus pit with no cool hair streak#dick once bought him a shirt saying#“I died and all I got was this cool hairdo#much to Jason’s confusion#text post#dc#dc comics#jason Todd#red hood#batfamily#batfam#Batman
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i've been sitting on a lot of disgrub related art.
no, context will not be provided (probably)
#homestuck#disgrub#john egbert#dave strider#jake english#aranea serket#aradia megido#a skele fanart#my art#my very favorite part of rping these characters at any point and with any plot we like#is the fact we get these hidden gems of dynamics that nobody wouldve seen coming#the fact that aranea and dave arent as good of friends in canon as they are in our lore deeply upsets me
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Hello Madam. Sorry Madam.
[First] Prev <–-> Next
#poorly drawn mdzs#mdzs#wei wuxian#lan wangji#madam jin#jin zixuan#jiang yanli#'Hey what is WWX trying to do here?' some kind of grab-and-twist maneuver that would be very upsetting to watch.#I know LWJ technically assists WWX in this scene in terms of blocking someone's blow on his behalf -#- but let's be honest. Real friends stop you from doing the truly stupid things.#Or maybe it was envy. Penis envy. The non-freudian kind.#Regardless...man this whole scene was just full of “and then someone else walks in”.#I swear to god every cultivator who is supposed to be hunting ends up wandering into this part of the woods.#a bonus for me because it gives me several good joke opportunities.#Madam Jin gets top prize for best entrance and exit. I wish her all the best. And a divorce…madam please leave him…#And can we please address the horses? I love horses. But why...why do they ride in on horses when they HAVE FLYING SWORDS?#I can only imagine it is for the dramatic flair? It just feels so jarring hearing someone clip clop in#and then another person swoop in on a sword.#The rules of mdzs's world can get fuzzy and I have to nod in an impressed manner at how much MXTX gets away not explaining.#Maybe the sword gets tired after a while and they need to give it a break? Maybe there is a sword union that dictates working hour limits?#…Would that make Chenqing a scab? Oh god it would… unions *hate* this flute!
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Trying to draw again 😔 so obviously had to be gaz
#despite my responsibilities!! aauaghhh#dont get covid guys#holiday covid and now i cannot get back in the groove i was on such a roll with work stuff#hard not to be really upset and mad now that im just sort of lost and tired 😔#not too doom and gloom like im sure ill get back there but its been like 3 weeks im losing my mind#but at least i have gaz#!!!! love him very much#kyle gaz garrick#gaz#gaz cod#colored pencil#my art#hobbyssketches
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Prodigal son beyond time - Part 1
Ra's Al Ghul had a son. No, it's not Dusan we spoke of right now. Ra's Al Ghul's first born child was a peculiar boy that was forged by the Lazarus Pits—or so what he says.
Talia has never met her brother.
Her brother, it has been years since she's found out about him yet her father never gives them a name—he thinks them unworthy of it. Even if he was not present, her brother continues to be the favorite, to be the child their father praised most. His absence is a glaring hole in her father's heart (though she is not sure if he has one).
It is no secret amongst the league that Ra's nameless son was unofficially the heir, even when Damian was born.
Talia has doubted her brother's distance many times, and yet she finds evidence of him over and over again.
Her father writes letters, strange ones that vary in language, dialect, grammar, writing styles. She did not mean to read one when she was young, but she couldn't help herself when she had seen it.
My dearest, son of mine,
It has been an age since last I beheld your presence. I find it most disquieting that you have not seen fit to visit, though I am not ignorant of how poorly time aligns itself with your affairs. Yet still, I dare to hope that you might bestow upon me a portion of your time, if but briefly.
Your siblings have inquired after you once more. Yet I am acutely aware that it would be unwise to bind you to this mortal realm for too great a span. Their hearts, tender and unfortified, lack the endurance I possess to weather the long absences your path necessitates. Nevertheless, I am not blind to the hope you carry—to one day stand before them, whether that moment lies near or far in the veiled expanse of time.
She could not finish the lengthy letter before the letter vanished from her hand, a burst of green and strange liquid slipping from her fingers. Talia had been startled, too young, assuming that this was Lazarus water that has stolen her father's letter.
And she found her father looming behind her, his expression stern get there was amusement in his eyes.
"Your brother is a curious person." Her father hummed, "He's powerful."
"We are not... Allowed to meet him?"
"Not yet. Until you steel your hearts." Ra's nodded, "Your brother does not stay in one place for long. But he is soft hearted and loyal to the family. You give him reason to stay and he will stay."
His hand, firm and guidind, pressed against her shoulder in a tight grip. "And I will not let any of you weaken him."
On that day, Talia realized that her father truly did love her brother. In his own strange way.
The next time she reads a letter, Damian was but a babe of one, cradled in her arms as a letter written on green paper rested in her father's hand. It was open, the wax seal carefully sliced from the envelope.
"Father."
"Talia." He replied nonchalantly, eyes flicking to Damian, his eyes softening momentarily as a longing look slipped to the letter.
Talia's heart tightened, resentful that her father was beginning to see his favorite child on her own son. She could not allow that...
"Your brother has written to me. It has been... Almost a year... Since the last." Ra's hummed, turning to Talia, then Damian, before flicking yet another letter to her. It startled her.
"From your brother." Ra's sighed, "I made the mistake of writing about Damian and now he wishes to meet you first. Not Nyssa, not Dusan—you."
"My brother?" Talia hesitantly accepted the letter. "I do not even know his name..."
Ra's clicked his tongue, "He signed it in his name. You will know from that letter." He paused, glancing back at her. "You have yet to prove yourself worthy, Talia, but... Damian's birth will surely being your brother back home."
Talia's heart palpitated in her chest.
The prospect of her baby, her son, her child—the mere thought that her baby would be the thing that successfully brings her brother home was... Outstanding.
"Read it in your own time... After that, seek me out."
Talia does not know... What to particularly do...
But she takes Damian, watches as her father leaves, and hurries along to her own quarters.
Talia tucks her son into the crib, narrowing her eyes at the nursemaids that were hired to nurture her son. She dismissed them immediately, watching as they silently leave the room. It is only when silence reigns does she takes a seat on her bed as Damian slumbers in his crib.
(Her hands tremble as the letter rested in her hands. It was light, not heavy, her her hands tremble as if she could not handle the weight.)
She takes in a deep breath, takes a dagger and carefully slices it away from envelope. It's intricately made.
The letter is written in the same green paper that her father received.
The letter read as thus:
My Dearest Talia, It would seem that I am now to be regarded as your brother, for Ra's has deemed me his son. Admittedly, this turn of events is of my own doing, as I endeared myself to him centuries past and found solace in his companionship, coming to view him as a father in truth. Yet you, his daughter by blood, remain a stranger to me, as do Nyssa and Dusan. How peculiar it is that Father should act in such a manner, withholding such introductions with his customary inscrutability.
She takes in a deep breath, awes by her brother's penmaniship... And then suddenly the writing style changes. Morphing from the olden age, the formality of a noble, to...
Anyways! Since you're my sister, I don't think I have to keep writing to you the same way Ra's does. It feels awkward to me, y'know?
She was not expecting that change but...
I've always wanted to meet you all. But my duties to my realm are hard. I can't freelt leave. It's especially worse since my world's time doesn't correlate to yours.
You might find the change of writing styles weird, but in all honesty, I'm from the 21st century. It's just that time never did agree with me. Had to comply with the old man on writing like that since he likes it. Weird, right?
But anyways! I heard you had a son! Congrats by the way. I'd like to meet him too, actually. Aside from that, I heard from Ra's you don't know my name.
Well, he's decided to call my Danyal as it's the Arabic version of my original name "Daniel". Though I often go by my nickname Danny. But it has been a delight to write to you, Talia. Hopefully, I'll be able to meet you and your son in the future.
Since you have my name now, you can write me letters too! It'll find me eventually.
Your brother,
Danny
Her brother's name was Danyal... Her brother went by Danny.
Talia blinked.
Her strange brother was a being that traversed through time, a person who was born in the 21st century... Her brother could be somewhere in the world in that moment and in another time the next.
She pressed the letter to her lips, unable to hold back her smile.
She had quite the silly brother...
And amongst her siblings, Talia was the first to know her brother's name. That bit about being able to write letters to him made her finally understand why her father was so possessive of a name.
(In the Infinite realms, High King Phantom received a letter from his estranged younger sister. He really didn't mean to find family in the Demon's head, but he found it anyways.)
Part 2 | Masterlist
#Prodigal son beyond time#dpxdc#dc x dp#danny phantom#danny fenton#talia al ghul#ra's al ghul#he's a decent parent to danny#Bad ending with the Fenton's reveal and now Danny's ghost prince traversing time#he ends up meeting Ra's#who sees this eldritch boy and decides to practically adopt him#Al ghul wants to save the world from itself#well thats how ive always interpretted things#part 1#Talia gets an older brother out of Danny who's like her father about looking younger than he looks#ghost prince danny was a very sad child who was disowned by his parents and got traumatized by the GIW#the poor thing ended up tumbling through time and latched on to the first parental figure that he fot#it just so happened to be Ra's al ghul 600 yesrs ago#ghost king dannh is upset that he can't meet his siblings yet#he wil soon!
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"Heavens, he doesn't understand again." "Every time he says 'I don't understand', Lui-shixiong grabs someone to demonstrate until he understands..." Ji Jue quietly complained to Shang Qinghua. No wonder the injuries at Bai Zhan Peak had only increased!
so this is obviously Liu Qingge's entire love language, right?
#svsss#liushen#liu qingge#shen qingqiu#shang qinghua#lqg#sqq#sqh#this scene was a work of art#shen ''tactical peak lord'' qingqiu is here a) farming friendship points b) improving his cultivation and#c) getting back at the bai zhan disciples for bullying *his* disciples in a very subtle way#meanwhile liu qingge is presumably twirling his hair and blushing because shixiong in seeking him out for intentional sparring practice#and rather than getting upset or bitchy about losing hes intentionally stopping and asking for lqg's expertise and opinion? lqg is SWOONING#these poor disciples but also this is the cutest scene and i really really love it#like okay i actually am understanding why lqg acts the way he does around sqq in the rest of the series now#meanwhile sqh is trying to figure out if Scum Villain Shen Qingqiu has a) lost all his memories or is b) Plotting Something Sinister#cause that's the only thing that makes any fucking sense here#my art
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Hello! I absolutely adore your art it’s lovely 💙
Could I request Edwin reading to Charles to comfort him after a difficult case? It’s my favorite trope and I’d love to see your take on it :) have a wonderful day!
I have actually made a similar drawing before here but it's never too much comfort for Charles!
Ko-Fi
#ask ask ask#dead boy detectives#dbda#payneland#edwin x charles#why is he on the floor i hear you ask#well i like being on the floor when i'm tired or upset#and we're here to project#edwin's expression was very hard because he wanted to look at charles and i was like no!!! you're supposed to be reading!!#work with me here man#charles likes that he's getting the comfort he needs but that no one is looking at him i think
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you fucking hate your job.
unfortunately, you also need it.
some old money family hires you to play housekeeper for their weird ass son. satoru gojo, you think.
he's handsome. just looking at him is a treat; stark white hair, bright blue eyes, a face like an actual idol.
and then he opens his mouth. illusion ruined.
whatever. you don't care that much about his "wow! you really didn't dress up for work, huh?" and "so, let me guess... no boyfriend?" you’ve dealt with worse.
you'd been excited when you got this job. you're broke. the pay is great. you're ready to do anything to not get fired.
you keep the apartment completely spotless, despite how many candy wrappers and packages he leaves around, the disaster that is his stupid fancy bathroom.
seriously, who leaves soap and shampoo everywhere like that? who jerks off in the shower that often? throws towels around and knocks bottles and toothbrushes over? it's like he's trying to leave a mess.
you do his laundry, which he just leaves on the floor like a goddamn animal. there's some clothes with gross, crusty white on them.
one time, you'd caught him staring at you while you picked it up, smirking all the while.
this is the guy you’re being paid to look after. and you’re fucking trying! god, do you ever try!
you cook meals from scratch, hours-long, intensive processes. you check his fridge, shamelessly dig through his garbage to see what he likes and try to make things he'll enjoy.
he leaves empty boxes of takeout on the counter, your homemade dinner in the trash, untouched.
it's in your contract. you can't not cook for him. and you can't eat anything, either, not when you're terrified of getting fired and he obviously likes to make you miserable.
and your landlord just informed you last month - rent will be going up. and not by a small amount.
you'd just finished digging yourself out of one hole and life kicks you right back down.
you don't know how you're going to make rent this month. fuck, you don't even know what you're going to have for dinner. if you can afford dinner. if you can even afford to put the heat on tonight.
it's not even a question. obviously the answer is no.
sitting on the plush, luxury couch in gojo’s apartment, you bury your head in your hands, and cry.
maybe you can get another job? but there's only so many hours in the day. you're so fucking sick of working all the time. you already do.
is it too much to ask for life to cut you a fucking break?
"what's wrong?" your least favorite voice interrupts - and a hand on your shoulder, shaking you, none-too-gently.
"don't tell me..." there's that smugness, "are you cryin'?"
"sorry, i just need a minute." you say, swallowing your anger to look him in the eyes. "i just got some bad news. my landlord is raising the rent next month."
"oh?" his tone is only getting worse, "so what? just move out. or get some roommates, or whatever you poor people do."
god, the fucking mouth on this man.
"soooo? sounds like poor planning on your part," satoru says, casually leaning onto the edge of the couch, "i just don't get why you're crying about it. like, that's kinda pathetic, you know?" he snickers -
SLAP
dead silence. a sting on your hand. satoru's face bent to the side. you don't even regret it. not right now, as angry as you are.
"you-" a rant is just about to spring from your lips, and then -
satoru grabs your hands, pulling them into his, right in front of his face.
his cheeks are dusted red. pretty eyes wide and dilated, fixed on you. mouth twisted in a grin.
you glance down to the front of his pants, where a noticeable bulge has formed.
"do it again."
#jujutsu kaisen#satoru gojo#gojo satoru#satoru x reader#gojo x reader#it's not exactly smut but it's not really sfw#god he's such a jerk. he loves being a jerk#and the moment you slap him for it he will fall over and bare his belly like the dog he is#i have more content like this. reader is VERY upset about the homemade cooking being thrown away#something something making him eat it off the floor#just. hngh. gojo lying prone on the floor. maybe on his stomach#i love making him punchable and then having him get off on being punched#he's exactly the sort of awful gorgeous man who would piss you off bc he's hoping you'll beat him up for it
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#mrs flood who are you: time lord edition
#dwedit#doctor who#mrs flood#fifteenth doctor#the master#jacobi!master#tenth doctor#jack harkness#martha jones#twelfth doctor#ninth doctor#*#okay here is my argument: mrs flood IS a time lord but her presence here has nothing to do with the doctor#instead she's here because of ruby. she's seemingly part of/related to the pantheon of discord & we know that ruby is connected to them too#so i think that she was deliberately placed as ruby's neighbor by the pantheon/oldest one/ruby's mom/? in order to watch over her#it also explains why she was there to check on ruby in 1.04. once she realizes she's on the phone w carla she says 'nothing to do with me'#and she leaves. which implies that it COULD have had something to do with her. if it had been something else going on#ANYWAY. to get to the time lordness of it all. rn i personally believe that she's a time lord that's been hiding on earth for 50+ years#bc i don't think she recognized the police box as a tardis initially. that first quote should be taken at face value.#instead picture this: she's watching over ruby as per usual. a police box is there - weird but nbd. then it dematerializes in front of her.#she drops her groceries. she's shocked. she kinda looks scared. if she already knew it was a tardis why would she react like that?#so imo she knows OF tardises. she DIDN'T know the police box was one. and she's worried the time lords have found her hence the fear.#but when nothing happens and nobody comes at her she realizes she's still safe#later when she sees the doctor she realizes the tardis is his/he must be a time lord. he doesn't identify her but that's happened before#so then when she asks him who he is i think what she's actually asking for is his title. WHICH time lord are you.#bc lbr if she knows abt tardises then she knows about time lords and if she knows abt time lords she knows what it means for ruby#to be joining him - and that's why she wishes ruby good luck. meanwhile this is clearly the outcome she WANTS (them to be together)#bc she gets visibly upset when the doctor seems to decide to leave without ruby.#and for once i'm not master clowning bc the list of names the doctor gives out is VERY interesting. some of them we've never heard before:#the bishop; the conquistador; later he adds the pedant and sagi-shi and reiterates the bishop AGAIN. so i wonder if she's the bishop.....
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Suspirium - Thom York
#this is my very favorite song and i think ive been wanting to make this for abt a year#when i was at my most compulsivly unwell i would be focusing so hard and sleeping so little that i would feel physically sick#like the world was tilting around me and i would think: all is well as long as i keep spinning#bc i would stop moving and suddenly id be in pieces on the floor. but now i think my favorite lines are: when i arrive will u come and find#me? or in a croud be one of them? bc its such a profoundly lonely idea. i dont believe in a life after death. i think when ur gone ur gone#your brain stops and the thing that made you you is gone forever. but if i imagined an afterlife image getting off a train onto a crowded#platform and searching for my mom through all the chaos. when i arrive will u come and find me? would our connect extend past a lifetime?#or would u be in a crowed one of them? would i stand alone in a sea of people waiting for someone who was never coming?#its a very upsetting thought#im glad i waited to make this bc i feel the song more deeply after the death of my mom. it feels more sad and more ethereal.#there r like 2 different versions of the lyrics bc thom york is so fucking hard to understand#so i use the version i like better#original art
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if ur a murderbot nerd now do u have any fun opinions abt it yet?
Oh my goddd you have no idea
I really, really, really like Murderbot because it comes at life with this perspective we don't often see that is very real among people who have already been through traumatic experiences, who developed skills and abilities to suvive that were once useful but no longer have context- that search that traumatized people go through to recalibrate and reorient ourselves in a world where we no longer really need those things to survive.
A bit personal here, but my own issues personally involved a lot of psychological abuse that made it difficult to trust my own perceptions of reality, and as a result I found I was very easy to lie to and manipulate.
To handle this, I became obsessive over writing things down, cataloging details and making notes of things as they happened- I'd carry recording devices and make audio recordings and stay up late at night to transcribe what they'd picked up, read those over and over again to reassure myself of things I wasn't certain about.
While doing this, there were others close to me that I felt responsible for, who I had to protect from others and protect myself from at the same time. Life was about two things: Evidence, and defusing threats
Over time, I learned to trust myself as my memories matched what had been recorded where their narrative didn't, but I never really kicked the habit. Like Murderbot, I had added something to my own programming that reassured me I was safe, that I was in control of myself, that I couldn't be mistaken or crazy or broken or used.
I'm only on book two, but already I see myself in Murderbot again. No spoilers here, but when I left home- left that dangerous context- I didn't need to repeat these patterns to survive anymore, but I still did, because I didn't know anything else anymore. It felt safe, comfortable, knowing knowing that the past couldn't repeat itself, because I'd written that flaw- blind trust in myself- out of my programming and replaced it with something else.
Still, though, I'd become something specially suited to thrive in a very specific environment. Nothing else felt right like followinghigh-risk situations, like witnessing and watching and recording and knowing I had proof of the truth where others might not.
People took notice. I wound up in security by accident, but's an environment that I thrive in due to the same patterns and behaviours I originally developed when I had no other choice. I climbed the ladder pretty quickly, once supervisors caught on that my reports were the most accurate, most objective, most factual, detail-oriented and timely. I keep others and myself safe and prioritize public safety above all else, and I perform well under pressure
Now I'm in a position where I often wonder, do I enjoy this job, or is it just what I'm good at? I have a set of skills now, but do I have the option of choosing not to use them? What would I be, if not this? Could I be anything else? Can Murderbot be anything else?
It has a set of skills that set it apart, make it different, special. It does what it knows best. But is it free? Does it want to be? What does it want? Does it have to do what it was built to do? What if it didn't?
I know what I'm good for. The idea of deliberately leaving what I'm good for for something uncertain, that I might hate, that I might be useless at- the choice to give up what was so important to me for so long and become deliberately obsolete?
Let go of my entire purpose? The only thing I know, that I fit so well into but don't actually know if I enjoy? Now that I can choose? Now that enjoyment is a luxury I can afford to consider?
Yeah, that resonates.
I like the Murderbot series so far because it feels the way I feel: Like the most significant and formative part of my story, the part where I became what I am, has already happened
And now I have to just. Keep going
Into... what?
It feels absurd. Like a microwave giving up on reheating food and deciding to start a life around abstract dance.
So, uh. Yeah. It's really very wild to see this same philosophical-ish dilemma I've been digging over in the back of my mind and in therapy for the last forever laid out so plainly in a genuinely exciting and enjoyable story like this. I feel much less alone, and I... kind of really need to see how it resolves, I think.
So, uh. Yeah. Read Murderbot, I guess
#Murderbot#Please read murderbot#Also it's so naturally refreshing and funny#Oversharing#I guess#This is fine to reblog tho it's chill#Very much resonating with the othering sense of purpose#Like what do you mean dream job#I don't have to worry about that this is what I was made for#Or close enough to it#I don't have to worry about finding purpose#But also thinking about that kinda blanks me out#No you don't get it I'm not a person like you are I have to do what I was built for#I'm better than you at it anyway#And don't I have a responsibility to do what I'm best at since you can't#Idk#Wouldn't you be upset if your blender stopped blending and became an EZ bake oven#Like you already have an oven#You need a blender#And I'm the best blender there is#Long post#Lol#Sorry#Oh also I'm autistic and asexual and hgenderqueer so *fart noise*
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