#geordi get behind me i will protect you

[brigatebajor]

i just had to read with my own two eyes a post calling geordi a "nice guy creep" bc of the events of galaxys child and WOW you guys are fucking stupid!

[thegeminisage]

ok it's star trek update time. once again. i've fallen behind 💀 tuesday we did voy's "the cloud" and "phage" (out of order bc plex numbered them incorrectly/user error), wednesday we did ds9's "dentiny" and voy's "eye of the needle," and last night we watched ds9's "prohphet motive" and voy's "ex post facto."

the cloud (voy):

man this one sucked ass

well, i did like janeway's personal log. i love women getting to have the same normal problems a man would. i like janeway a lot, even if she still feels a bit stiff to me sometimes

actually, WAIT, why is the academy TEACHING captains they need to maintain a certain distance? like sure yes it's a bad idea to fuck your subordinates (even though picard said there was NO?? regulation on that...) but surely you're supposed to like. care about them. between this and deanna winning the kobayashi maru by killing geordi i'm starting to wonder if starfleet expects captains to simply not CARE about people. there's something larger at work in my brain re: this thought, like, kirk was always going on missions himself to protect people despite that putting him greater danger, and now they don't want captains to leave the chair or care about people...hell universe. and since picard never left the chair or cared about anyone it may have made for good policy but it made for BAD tv

ANYWAY.

accidentally got spoiled for neelix being the cook bc of reverse ep order lol

tom paris once again insufferable bc he's like dont invite the captain to poker night or whatever. for a rebellious felon he's really toeing that starfleet line. also, the LAST thing in the world i want is more holodeck but ESPECIALLY if i have to watch tom paris make out with realfake holo women on it. HOLO PEOPLE ARE ALIVE YOU FOOLS

i thought this episode was gonna be about coffee and it wasn't :( it was just a few jokes here and there

the nebula plot was stupid. you ram a hole in it and you're gonna fix it by ramming more holes? neelix is the only mfer that gets it. that said, i DO support women's rights to ram ill-advised things through holes - whenever, however, and as often as they like.

chakotay teaching janeway to find her animal guide (complete with the medicine bundle...) being played TOTALLY straight and serious just about ended me. like i knew they werent gonna be like "haha just kidding you are a REALLY gullible white person" at the end but watching them not do that was really really awful

harry kim just casually dropping he remembers being in the womb. alright.

janeway muting the doc when he is trying to speak :( holo-racist

i do like that firstly harry was like fuck tom paris im inviting janeway and secondly that she can play pool really well. those were nice touches. the non-racist janeway stuff was good! i just wish the rest of the episode had been good too lol

phage (voy):

i liked this one MUCH better. first of all, neelix in the cave about to get his lungs stolen very "mistew obama pwease hewp me" core. then perish. rip in pieces poor neelix :(

secondly, what an interesting ethical dilemma...can you kill a person to save a person? not in starfleet ig but if i was janeway i would have been real tempted. neelix is great

kes giving up one of her lungs to neelix was so sweet, actually. kes has grown on me a HUGE amount in a very very short time. i absolutely love her kindness, which was boring at first because i didn't really feel like she was being kind in a way that stood out from any run of the mill compassionate character. but her scenes with the doctor bring out the best in both of them, i think - like, he kicks her out initially, and then asks her to stay because he's in over his head. and rather than dismissing him she stays and asks if he wants to unionize. the fact that she's DETERMINED to treat him as a fully realized person when he doesn't even treat himself that way...she recognizes unmet needs and works to fix them, just because that's who she is. AUGH she's such a good personnn she;s gonna make a GREAT doctor

lung stealing aliens are way cooler than the slaver aliens even if they are horrible to look at. i LOVE how mad janeway got at them. she was like if i EVER see you again its on sight and i believe her. and she scared them so good they fixed neelix <3 kinda goes to show compassion wins...and that kind of compassion/adherence to morals in the face of personal loss and righteous anger IS a kirk move honorific. and winning because of those qualities is a kirk move. ugh i like janeway so much

"one day i'll surprise you mister tuvok" i love them. wah. tuvok reminds me SO much of spock...he's got that eyebrow thing happening

also, neelix getting his lungs removed totally makes this the spiritual sequel to spock's brain

destiny (ds9):

the whole time i was watching this i felt like sokka in that one atla episode. "can your science prove why it rains" core. like just because there are three cardassians and some river went somewhere...it's especially galling to me that kira buys into it completely. i always forget she's religious, and she's so SMART i didn't think she'd get caught up in the prophecy of it all.

recited the 35th rule of acquisition alongside quark which felt. bad. i still haven't forgiven him but i'm trying

cardassian lady accidentally flirting with obrien was EXTREMELY funny. that's twice now he's banged his head on the ceiling and it's incredibly charming

kira and sisko being buddies 🥺 kira like it's had to work for space jesus!!! so true girl. though she literally was sleeping with a space priest. their bits were sooo good though, you can FEEL how much he doesn't want the enormity of his role, and how much kira believes in him - and i personally get the sense it's because she's SEEN him work. like she believes in him on a professional level, as well, because he ALWAYS has her back. man i would totally believe he was space jesus too who can blame her he's amazing

i did at least like the rational explanation for the prophecies- that nonlinear aliens simply just tell people things. i do wonder why they can't just knock on the wormhole and ask those guys some questions, though

anyway, firmly mid. normally i love kira-heavy episodes but i just had such a hard time not going full sokka in this one. sorry, kira!

eye of the needle (voy):

THIS ONE BLEW MY TITS CLEAN OFF!! best voyager episode yet imho

firstly we are still sending things through holes. fantastic.

also, kes went from "eh she is boring" to "i would die for her" at warp speed......her scenes with the doctor are all SO good. kes recognizing his humanity when most people in starfleet don't know holograms are alive/don't care that holograms are alive, when HE HIMSELF does not think of himself as being alive...mwah. david cage wishes. it feels like an inverse of the data situation, because data WANTED to be alive but struggled to fit in with humanity, whereas the doctor didn't give two shits about being treated like a real person until kes started talking to him about it, and would in fact fit in effortlessly with "real people" were he not confined to the medbay.

and the doctor's bitterness! no one speaks directly to him despite asking him to function as an entire medical staff. no one remembers to turn him off, leaving him to suffer through hours of boredom, or people turn him off when he isn't ready, leading to problems with his experiments. and the existential dread of being abandoned on the ship alone while everyone else potentially transports home through the wormhole...and someone potentially forgetting to deactivate him first.

i really like how janeway reacted to the news that the doctor might be alive. she was like "girl no way" and then kes was like "yes way" and she decided to investigate herself rather than be dismissive about it. she was very good in this episode overall but i like that she showed compassion to someone/something she wasn't even sure was alive. it was very siskocore of her.

and finally...that sweet a-plot. letswatchstartrek, my least favorite website that is absolute essential to my functioning, GAVE THIS A TWO. because "well it's season 1 we all know they aren't getting home this episode." those fucking idiots, that's WHY this episode is good!! it's about hope. do they understand nothing

like, everyone trying SO HARD to curb their expectations at first because the wormhole is so small and so decayed and the absolute MOST they can hope for is to get a message through...the agony of the wormhole going back to where they need to be but them not being able to get through and the only person picking up the phone being a FUCKING romulan who think they're prank calling him

and the way that like this predicament utterly humanizes everyone involved. janeway answering the phone in her nightgown. asking about this romulan's family. the barriers between starfleet and romulus breaks down instantly under the shared connection of being adrift without one's family. what a perfect illustration of the compassion one can have for strangers because deep down even aliens are made of the same stuff as we are.

and then of course by the end janeway is like it doesn't matter! secrecy doesn't matter! let's have hope for a minute let's believe this will work! and then IT DOESN'T WORK. or, actually, what's worse is that it could work, they could theoretically go back to the alpha quadrant 20 years ago, but it will fuck everything up if they do, and they can't even prevent themselves from getting stuck out here. all they can do is send the romulan home with their messages and then..........

............have no idea if he found a way to send them before he died ahead of schedule. like. ALL THEY HAVE IS HOPE. like of COURSE you know theyre not gonna get home in season 1 but THAT IS WHAT MAKES IT INSANE.

also, hi, b'elanna not having anyone at home who cares if she lives or dies...this retroactively makes chakotay's protectiveness of her so much more meaningful. everyone who loves her is already on this ship :( aaaagggh

prophet motive (ds9):

god this one sucked so bad. rare L for ds9 and a major one at that

i spent most of it googling whether or not people actually liked the ferengi episodes (to my dismey: yes, people on reddit think they're funny), but i also spent some time googling how many more episodes we had to suffer through this grand nagus bullshit (4) and getting my little guys stolen on chess.

i have been wanting to see the wormhole aliens again FOREVER and wondered why you can't just go and talk to them and then they show up in this of all places...they so nicely let people go through their wormhole and then this dude disrespectfully bothers them...

also, to SELL an orb back to the bajorans...i hope he dies. i hope kira specifically kills him and loots the orb off his corpse.

the only two moments of note in this episode were 1. quark talking ancient unknowable aliens into letting him and the nagus leave unscathed through a combination of fast thinking and being annoying, which would be charming were i not in such dire anti-quark straits 2. rom robbing the nagus blind LMAOOO good for him. i hope he shared exactly zero of it with quark

on a final note, the space station, unlike tng's enterprise, does NOT seem to be self-cleaning. thank god for that.

EDIT I NEARLY FORGOT JULIAN BASHIR B PLOT!!!!! he wanted to win so bad even though he knew there wasnt a chance 🥺 my poor HORRIBLY competitive fella. and then it was three days of marinating in the fact that he was never gonna win

also odo cold reading him about the acceptance speech lmfao. love that

ex post facto (voy):

i would have liked this episode a LOT if it had happened to anyone but tom paris. imagine if a guy you liked had special brain torture every 14 hours even though he was totally innocent and only a mind meld from tuvok could save him. like, picture almost any other trek character in this situation. bashir. riker. even bones. any of them could maybe perhaps do a little kissing of a married woman and get themselves into trouble and it would be one of my favorite episodes of all time. even the plot twist of WHY he was falsely accused was fun and clever. unfortunately, i simply cannot bring myself to care about tom paris.

tuvok my best friend tuvok. he DID HIS HOMEWORK! the eyebrow movements, the way he did the mind meld from the same position that spock melded with dr van gelder in dagger of the mind my beloved. all these things are unmistakably vulcan because leonard nimoy did them first and SPOCK is unmistakably vulcan, despite all his lifelong insecurities. now that i've met other vulcans properly i know that better than ever and i wish he could too.

ALSO, HI, MARRIED 67 YEARS??? lowkey sad he and janeway can't get it now but also, do we think he has BABIES? do we think he has GRANDBABIES?? grandpa tuvok my best friend AAAGHGH. also, since this series is 7 years long and also because of a spoilery gifset EYE happen to know pon farr is inevitable. but i bet his wife had to fix it herself back home too so ik she will forgive him

anyway, if i was innocent, there's no one i'd rather have on my side than tuvok. he went above and beyond the call of duty there. i was really surprised he powered through the meld and experienced being murdered so well. i mean he took that like a champ. that's on vulcan stoicism...also AUGH janeway INSISTING he not do that bc she knows it will be horrible and the long time she spent searching his face before finally agreeing to it. i would never want him to cheat on his wife but they could also theoretically hypothetically get it.

and finally, CUTEST dog in the world this episode. it's so odd looking it does such a great job at jumping around everywhere

TONIGHT: ds9's "visionary" and voy's "emanations"

[doodles-with-noodles]

I started watching Star Trek Next Generation with my dad because. sick couch day (I watched some of the original series, Picard and a single episode where Data acts like he’s Sherlock Holmes before). I don’t remember everyone’s name because my brain isn’t working right.

Here’s my opinion on the characters:

Picard: super angry. Bro why is he so rude to everyone. Why is he putting the crew in danger. I don’t hate him but CALM DOWN. He needs anger management. Kind of an ass. But I think he cares abt his crew so :) But I kind of have to laugh every time the lights hit his bald head I’m sorry sir

Riker: He looks like my cat. Nothing but friendliness and dumb behind those eyes. I like him. He’s dumb.

Telepath lady: very wet eyes. Almost made me cry because my eyes get wet too if I watch people w wet eyes and I’m confused. Was very good at showing emotion tho

Tasha: Security Lady! Very nice hair looks very pretty I love that she’s the security lady. She protecc

Data: my dad likes him but thinks he’s annoying. I think he’s cute and needs to be protected. Was scandalized when Picard bitched at him.

Geordi: I think I like him! Idk enough about him but I already knew him from the Sherlock episode and he seemed sweet. I also think the fact that his disability isn’t erased but accommodated is very cool.

Klingon Bridgedude: I think he’s funny because every time Picard says something he looks like he has to internally restrain himself or smth to stop himself from fighting him.

Medical redhair lady: Idk a lot about her I hope she’s badass

Q: Bitch fuck off. Nobody wants you and Picard is right for bitching at you. Asscracker. Fucking strawberry and your big fucking bug eyes I already hate him so annoying pretentious fucktrumpet

I also was very happy to see a crewman in a skirt! I kinda knew but it’s very cool to see. Plot was typical Star Trek but I’m already used to it (I blame the original series for that!).

[1shirt2shirtredshirtdeadshirt]

OK @t1gerlilly that addition is *legendary*.

You hit on some stuff that as someone who grew up with TNG as a young woman, it made me feel things that I couldn't quite put into words. You put it into words marvellously here.

My mother also made a comment about the Berman era, specifically ENT, that sums the feeling up nicely: "In TOS era, I felt welcome. I was excited by Uhura and she made me feel powerful with how respected she was. Then Rick Berman took over and it turned into a boy's club, suddenly I didn't feel welcome anymore. Women weren't shown as powerful like Uhura anymore."

I mean, wow. I never really thought of it that way. The guys on the Enterprise in TOS Prime universe didn't stand around and talk about Uhura's body, they talked of her expertise and talent. In TNG and onward, the women were constantly talked about in a demeaning way by male crew behind their backs and to their faces.

Some examples off the top of my head: The whole Barclay thing? The Tasha Yar "rape gang" planet? The ooga booga African planet with lady property which makes me crawl out of my skin every time I watch it? The women commenting on their tits getting firmer in Insurrection? Leah Brahms and Geordi? Troi knocked up by an alien against her will, or forced upon by fake Riker or young Picard clone? Bev's sex ghost? The T'Pol mind rape episode and getting her whole ass out? Garak's creepy relationship with Dukat's daughter? Dabbo girls? Ferengi's insane sexism being protected by Sisko?

Who tf was writing women in that era, 13 year old boys? Why does this era keep getting pats on the back while TOS gets lambasted? 😂 That's all I'm saying. Not that Gene or TOS was perfect, but that TNG and onward did not go out of its way to at least try to be progressive the way TOS did for women, save for some stellar examples in DS9.

I have also been reluctant to say some of these things as the Berman era has had the benefit of being remembered with rose coloured glasses. I myself am guilty of it, I remember DS9 and often give it more credit than even the creators themselves give -- they regretted they hadn't done more, and for that I applaud them. To this day I feel DS9 made as many swings as TOS did, and was true to the vision of Gene's wish to push the envelope during the time period and make commentary.

I remember watching the Borg arc air live, and for us it was some of the most exciting television we saw unfolding in history! But if we are gonna keep calling TOS on being problematic, we best be taking a long, hard look at the Berman era.

My mom grew up on TOS, I grew up on TNG. Berman's era was my era. It has such a special place in my heart, and I celebrate in TNG, DS9, VOY, and ENT. But like TOS, I'm not going to forego media literacy and make excuses for or just because I love it and it is near and dear to my heart.

Sexism in TOS: Worst Offender, or Progressive in Retrospect in Comparison?

I see a lot of folks claim that TOS was the most sexist of the Star Trek shows by a landslide -- and while I agree that it definitely suffered from the sexism of the times, I also have other perspectives to share to give some food for thought.

I am of course not insinuating that TOS isn't sexist -- it is, but I have to ask folks to consider the breadth and depth of Berman's sexism in his run and ask yourself: Was Gene Roddenberry genuinely more sexist in his storytelling and delivery than Rick Berman?

I'm not telling you to feel one way or the other, but all I ask is that you hear me out and consider some perspectives and make your own balanced assessments. Nobody is obligated to share my opinion, but it means a lot just to have folks hear it and see their thoughts on the subject. So here is what I was originally responding to:

Someone's response to this photo:

"Devil's advocate. This was a part of the popular form of cardio during the production time of TNG. Yes, it was heavily sexualised by men, but so is literally every other way women work out. Men have been caught taking pictures of women while trying to do dead lifts, running on tracks and working on sled machines. They post them online to share too. The fact is, there is no way a woman can be shown working out without it going there. And yeah,t hat includes the combat forms of workout they do in Star Trek. Just look at how Dax dresses when she spars with Worf. Yes, they're dating, but still, same goes when 7 does and any other female.

Aerobics routines like this were made dirty and cringy. This was what women wore then by and large. This is how the workout was done. We make it cringy."

My response to them:

"I respect your take, but I disagree on a few fronts.

The miniskirt was chosen by the TOS female cast, not the male cast, specifically requested by Grace LW and affirmed by Nichelle and Majel who would go on to vehemently defend the miniskirt over the years as comfortable and embraced by them.

Grace said it was comfortable and seen as a symbol of female sexual empowerment during the 60s and thought it would be a progressive garment (and turns out that it was, as it was later adapted and worn by male crew as a skant on TNG) -- FYI those were designed by a gay man and Gene approved them.

This was also supposed to be Spock's TMP outfit:

Literally lingerie.

We saw both Uhura (who saves Kirk in from Marlena Mirror Mirror) and Yeoman Landon (the first to initiate combat with a classic Kirk-esque kick to help the Captain being attacked in The Apple) carry out their combat training in their Starfleet uniforms without ever being made to change into any ridiculous workout gear.

In fact, I'd argue Jim Kirk was sexualized even more than the ladies of the week on the show and I saw his naked body more than anyone else's on a fairly regular basis. He wore red yoga tights while topless in Charlie X while the women wore full length gymnastic suits that covered their entire body. If anything, it went out of its way to avoid sexualizing women practicing fitness in those scenes and instead focused on Kirk.

Gene confessed that he asked to have Shatner filmed in suggestive/provocative ways to "give something to the ladies", so he -- as he said -- liked to "film him walking away" or have him conveniently busting out of his shirts in just about every episode as it were, because Shatner apparently had great assets. LOL

Gene made an effort to at least sexualize both if he was going to sexualize one, and he carried that attitude forward in wanting the m/m and f/f scenes in the background on Risa for TNG. He also insisted that the men and women wear skimpy outfits on THAT TNG planet. You know the one. LOL I mean the dudes even had on less than the women:

Gene also gave permission to K/S shippers to have their conventions back in the 70s when he was asked for permission. Gene and Nimoy felt with all the skimpy outfits they had the ladies wear, why not let the ladies and gay men have their fun, too? It's how we ended up with moments like this:

Yes, those are two people dressed up as Kirk and Spock's penises doing interpretive dance. Gene didn't give two damns. LOL

In my eyes, that was a very progressive take on Gene's part for the 60s. It was actually PARAMOUNT STUDIOS who had the big problem with K/S stories and vehemently tried to shut them down. Gene literally hired slash authors on his payroll and even had several slash stories/writers published in his official Star Trek books (The New Voyages & The New Voyages II).

I feel I saw Uhura and women in TOS engaged in more physical combat/altercations defending themselves that Troi or Bev were shown holding their own.

In fact, Kirk used to get furious when someone would "dress up" his female crew members without their consent (Trelane episode, Shore Leave episode) because like his male crew members, he wanted them to be treated professionally and to also have his male crew act professionally.

Berman brought some of his own personal biases into Star Trek that in some ways regressed it. While TOS had blatant sexism and was called on it time and again, that show was made in the 60s -- a solid 21 years before TNG. We as a modern audience understood why some of it was cringe/sexist due to the time period -- look at any other media coming out in the 60s and Star Trek was miles ahead of what other shows were doing.

Compare that to Berman who was churning sexist stuff out when women like Starbuck and Scully were simultaneously on screen on other programs airing, and we had already had Sigourney Weaver and other strong women in Holywood playing respectful roles.

In my eyes, there was no need of the sexism seen in TNG but especially VOY and ENT. There was no excuse for it when other shows were writing women far better and a number of those weren't even set in the future like Trek was, making it age even faster due to having those dated perspectives frequently highlighted.

In the Center Seat documentary as well as "The Fifty Year Mission" book you will find cast members, writers and other studio alumni who attest to this. Some discussions from "The Fifty Year Mission":

"First, Berman was supposed to have been a real sleaze ball . . . According to Terry Farrel, he would go on constantly about how her breasts weren't big enough, how she should do something about it, and how his secretary was a good example to follow as she had huge breasts. She even had to have fittings to get larger bras, and that was all done at his behest.

Later Berman and Braga developed a name for Jeri Ryan's character prior Seven of Nine. They originally called the character "perineum" which if you look it up it is the area between the anus and the scrotum. Later they floated the name "6 of 9". I mean, what does it tell you about where these two were coming from in the development of this character if they had names like that put forward in all seriousness for her?"

Gene Roddenberry also had some of his own more progressive ideas for TNG cut or watered down by Berman. Roddenberry agreed TNG should have homosexual relationships and representation at a con in the 80s and insisted on it in a meeting with his writers -- something Berman later would not honor. Gene wanted the AIDS episode, showing m/m and f/f in the Riza scenes -- these were some of Roddenberry's requests to include in TNG that Berman later stonewalled.

Berman's era was sadly dated by his own misogynist bias, IMO, to the point that it can somewhat hurt the shows he worked on through his cringe egoism and blatant disrespect toward his female cast.

There is a reason why Gene could keep female actresses working with him and Berman had a revolving door of women that he couldn't seem to keep working for him -- he was abhorrent to women, on and off set. Gene wasn't perfect at all, he had a lot of issues himself -- but Berman was a whole other level. Just look at what he did to poor Jolene Blalock, Marina Sirtis and his toxic commenting on her body weight which exacerbated her struggles with eating disorders, or how he treated and talked to Terry Farrell.

Anyway, just some food for thought. I'm not saying anyone is wrong regarding a take like that, but there are a variety of ways to look at this. Gene Roddenberry isn't a saint by any means, but it definitely bothers me how folks will tote the Berman era as if it were the lesser of two evils or the more progressive depiction of women when I felt there were far more concerning portrayals of women in his era with far less justification.

(P.S: I don't event want to go near the sheer amount of "creepy old dude/villain preys on innocent/naïve/scared young woman or little girl" stories there were in Berman's era, either. But that's a whole other can of worms I can write about in a part 2.)

[harrison-abbott]

One of the popular boys wanted to beat me up. I found out this news because one of the girls came and told me ... when I was in the playground eating some chocolate raisons. 

“Why does he want to?” I asked her.

She shrugged. 

“I don’t know but you better not go to the bus stop at the end of the day because that’s when he’s gonna do it.”

Uh hu, he was a poppy lad, everybody seemed to love him. They called his name. Hollered his fame; the school turgid in the annals of pre pubescence.

I did not know how to get home without using the bus. 

Nor was there any adult to help me. 

I had gym class that afternoon. Where the lads played basketball in the loud orange gymnasium. I stubbed a finger on the ball. The short sprightly pain was a precursor to the beating I imagined that would take place in public mayhem maybe three hours henceforth. 

The P.E. teacher was the old guard retro likeable gruff sports coach you can imagine from countless sports movies ... except, he was actually real.

A pisstaker but he was cool with the kids. 

I thought about going up to him to speak to him about the fight thing. But I didn’t have the verve. I just didn’t know what I was supposed to say to him to get him to protect me.

Gym class was followed by physics class. I had no inkling for physics or any of its equations or experiments or batteries or mechanics ... or the airy room wherein we sat on stools ... [with the bald six foot five physics teacher who openly flirted with the pretty girls in the class, that, we all liked (the boys, as girls) and he liked them as well. But, he was in his forties and we were teens. 

And the girls thought it was creepy as well. But, he was a teacher, right? And therefore had his powers. He could meet with the parents on parents’ night and not have to do any of that perverse sexual stuff, and he wore his suits well and his shoes often squeaked at the right pitch with their leather pop].

Obviously I couldn’t say a damn morsel to the physics teacher.

And then that class ended. And there was one final chapter of geography at the very end. I liked geography. With the geordie plump woman who could never control her oral volume. Nice woman, though. 

I could never be a teacher. I’m a freak, fuck up. Never have been good with people in any way and children are the worst kind of people and they hate me the most. Bullied all my life. Throughout family hood child hood adulthood, blah blee, a complete muck up with no deserved right to survive.

Such was my thinking when I went up to the bus stop at the end of that day to go and meet this boy who was going to pummel me.

There as an expectant crowd. Box office lines. Carnival glee. That kinda enticement in the air.

I saw the big famous boy standing there ten yards away. He had this posse of lads behind him. Ready to back him up in case things would go wrong.

I weighed about nine stone at this point. Was “skinny like a model” and all of my previous violent escapades had resulted in me as the loser. And yet, he was still afraid of some repercussion. 

It surprised me. The whole icy silence across the crowd. I thought they would all be baying and yomped up on gore. But, all was ... ticktocking in soft pedals, as you’d listen to a clock on a high wall, the fat hand clicking by the seconds.

He came up to me.

I shivered as he approached. What was I supposed to do? There are videos you can watch of boxers thrusting these fists into each others’ faces. It’s as stupid as videogames. And they made one of those bare-knuckle competitions legal in some State recently; I saw that on the news: and there were pictures of the combat, the stage all bathed with blood, and three hundred people watching hungrily. And I thought, what’s the satisfaction in watching anything like that?

He hit me in the face.

It felt psychological.

I thought it was supposed to knock me down but it didn’t. 

Eighty eyeballs were watching. He struck me again. I just took it. It was horrible. Among the worst photographs. There was this tremendous zeal in me - to smack him right back. Hollywood punches. Uppercut. Muhammed Ali. All of that shit which is never real. Ali’s fights weren’t real either. He was a boxer. 

The bus appeared at the end of the street.

He’d hit me twice in the face. I hadn’t retaliated.

This meant that he’d won.

He smiled, and slapped me playfully on the cheek. And then left. 

The bus came and the forty folks got on it, including me. And throughout the whole journey all I could hear was the mass relish about this amazing battering.

[anthonysstupiddailyblog]

Anthony’s Stupid Daily Blog (382): Mon 3rd Apr 2023

Up early for a guided bus tour of LA I’m the sunshine today. I was hoping that we’d be going on a double decker open topped bus but we ended up in a small minibus. There was another British guy from Manchester who was there on his own, an American couple from Wisconsin or some shit, then in the seats behind us there was a family from Australia. The tour guide asked where we were from and Dad kept shouting “UK” but Americans just can’t pick up the Geordie pronunciation of words with “A” sounds in them so eventually I had to shout “England” as the guide kept thinking we were saying Ukraine. We went past the Nakatami Plaza from Die Hard and the Manc got into a discussion with the American couple about whether Die Hard is a Christmas movie or not. I wanted to chip in that Jaws: The Revenge and Edward Scissorhands are both technically Christmas movies too. The tour guide was lovely but I think she might have been making up part of our tour as we went past a cemetery which she said Charlie Chaplin was buried in. Evidentially I must have drifted off at the start of the tour and woke up when the bus had made its way to Switzerland because that’s where Charlie Chaplin is buried. We went past the public toilet where George Michael got arrested for trying to bang an undercover policeman. I love the fact that a public toilet has essentially become a historical landmark. If you’re concerned that a building that you like might get torn down then why not trick a beloved gay icon to try and suck you off there and then it will be protected due to historical significance. We went past a shop that Wynona Ryder got busted for shoplifting and said that she did it as preparation for a role. Good thing she hasn’t been cast in a Myra Hindley biopic then. We then went past CBS studios where many TV shows are recorded. The tour guide said she can tell which show is recording in the CBS studio by the look of the people in the line. For instance if they have bright shirts on she knows it’s The Price Is Right. I felt like saying “and if it’s to see James Corden it’s people in sneakers with untied laces, sweatpants pulled up to their tits and grey hoodies covered in drool”. We paused the tour so that we could get lunch on Santa Monica pier. This pier is the official end of Route 66. I did the Route 66 10 years ago and started at the official marker in Chicago but by the end I was too tired to go to the pier to see the official end and just stayed in the hotel for most of the trip. This means that I set off on Route 66 in October 2013 and I’ve only technically completed the full journey in April 2023. I know I was lazy but that’s ridiculous. When we got back to the tour bus we were told that someone had missed the start of the tour and would be joining us for the remainder of it. There was only one seat left free on the bus and it was next to me so whoever it was was going to be sat next to the trip…so I even need to tell you that it was a big fat guy? I mean this is me we’re talking about of course it was a big fat guy. It was ALWAYS going to be a big fat guy. I mean it was never going to be a super hot, blonde Australian lass with gigantic tits was it. On the plus side I was in the in the middle seat and this fat fuck was on my right hand side so if a car plowed into the right hand side of the tour bus he would serve as a giant air balloon and I would be safe…though admittedly his blood and guts would probably burst out of him and all over me leaving me looking like the end of Carrie. Our final stop was the Hollywood Sign which took a while for us to get to but it was really breathtaking. I couldn’t get a decent picture of it with me with it but people will just have to take my word that the small white blur next to my head is in fact the Hollywood Sign. I have to say that they’ve really done a good job of rebuilding it after it was destroyed in that documentary The Day After Tomorrow, and then again in that other documentary Sharknado (whenever I go away and see a landmark I always like to do at least one joke where I confuse a fictional movie it features in with a documentary). After the tour ended Dad and I had a nice walk in the sun down Hollywood Boulevard on the Hollywood Walk of Fame. We saw stars dedicated to legendary names like Mildred Dunnock, Kitty Carlisle, Vincent Lopez and a load of other dead cunts I’ve never heard of! I got a picture of Buster Keaton’s star but my phone ran out of battery before I could take one of George A Romero’s. I was unaware that to get a star in this walk you have to request one and actually pay for it yourself. That’s a bit shit. Surely it should be like a knighthood where you only get one if you’re deemed to have done a lot of worthwhile things. Imagine if knighthoods were done the same way the Walk of Fame is and we had “Sir Rylan” and “Dame Gemma Collins”. What a day. I definitely feel as though I’ve settled my unfinished business with California now. As I’ve said before the first time I visited this state at the end of my Route 66 adventure I was too exhausted to explore it and so I’ve been determined to come back and do it properly and I can now happily cross California off my list. I would have loved to have rented a surfboard and ridden the waves in Santa Monica beach but I’m not going to let that get me down as there’s plenty of places to surf. Hawaii for instance…

[blackholelynn]

My Master List

With me posting more and more, I've decided that it might be a good time to start up a master list! I'll update this as often as possible, and I'll also be keeping track of multi-part fics in this post, so this is a good navigation tool around my blog 😊 As always, while my requests are open, feel free to send me any requests! The post about my requests is here!

KEY: (# - fluff), (* - angst), (^ - hurt/comfort), (' - one shot), (/ - enemies to lovers), (! - request), (" - multi-part), (& - long-form series), (+ - cross-posted to AO3)

Bucky Barnes

[#*&+] Mourning Stars | Summary: Uriel is an angel sent to Earth to find her brother, cue crash landing into Bucky; AO3 page

Loki Laufeyson

[/'] Lies in the Dark | Summary: While conducting surveillance, you're approached by someone from your past holding an object that was even more unexpected

Dean Winchester

[#^"+] Your Protection | Summary: x Reader; you have a normal life as a cashier until the arrival of the Winchesters turns your life upside down; AO3 page | 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 ~ Completed!

[*"+] - His Salvation | Summary: x Reader; You have left your old life behind and started over with Dean, but you soon realize that you know almost nothing about the hunter you now live with; AO3 page | 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 ~ Completed!

Merlin

[#'] Ginger and Honey | Summary: x Reader; you work in the kitchens, and Merlin stops to see you before leaving on a journey with Arthur

[*^'!] I Know | Summary: x Reader; You are the only one who can snap Merlin out of the Fomorroh’s influence, but getting between an assassin and his target doesn’t always end well.

Arthur Pendragon

[#^'] Secret | Summary: You have a secret rendezvous with Arthur in the forest, but when you return to the lower town, you find that a plague has started while you were away

Spencer Reid

[#^'] It's Okay | Summary: x Reader; you're in the middle of a stressful job transition and Spencer comes home to find you in the midst of a panic attack

Emily Prentiss

[*'] How Could You? | Summary: x Reader; After you grieved your girlfriend’s death, your world came to a screeching halt when you found out she never died. You have been avoiding Emily since you returned, but you can’t avoid her forever when you work together too.

Jennifer "JJ" Jareau

[#*'!] You're Stuck with Me | Summary: x Reader; It’s the one-year anniversary of JJ’s abduction and both of you have difficulty coping with the aftermath of Tivon Askari.

Voyager

[*!'] Lead the Way, Doctor | Summary: The Doctor is left in charge of Voyager after the crew evacuates the ship. In search of the crew, he finally finds Captain Janeway.

[#^!'] The Time We Have Left | Summary: The Doctor x Denara; The Doctor comforts Denara when she worries about returning home

[!'] Homesick | Summary: On an away mission, Kathryn thinks that she's hallucinating when she sees a strange phenomenon surrounding The Doctor

Next Generation

[#^!'] Bad Luck | Summary: Geordi x Data; Data has been isolating himself from Geordi, so Geordi goes to see why.

Edward Cullen

[#'] Summer Chases Away the Cold | Summary: Entry in this appreciation week; The sunny summer weather makes it hard to see your boyfriend when he's a vampire that sparkles in the sunlight.

[#'!] Princess Carriage | Summary: You have a few too many drinks while out with Angela and Jessica, leaving Edward to be the one to take care of you while you sober up.

Alice Cullen

[#'] Past, Present, and Future | Summary: Entry in this appreciation week; You're nervous about meeting the Cullens for the first time

Bella Swan

[#*'] Missed Confession | Summary: Entry in this appreciation week; When you get the chance to confess your crush to your best friend, will you take it?

last updated: 3/26/23

[unhappyriver]

Song lyrics that remind of redacted parings

Wolf boys:

David/Angel: Telephones by Vacations

|Rise with the morning

You call to me

My thoughts are crawling

You're all I see |

| I wish I could live without you

But you're a part of me

Wherever I go

You'll always be next to me |

Asher/Babe: simple romance by COIN

| You can try to simplify romance

Reduce it to a touch

But maybe we're in love

You can try to simplify romance

Call it odd attraction

Pulling like a magnet |

| Black and white

Rainbow

It's chemical

What you do to me|

Milo/Sweetheart: I love you by The Bees

| Baby there's no lies

I wouldn't make you cry

I love you

You’re charming in my thoughts

With the magic that you brought

I love you |

(I can just imagine them slow dancing in the kitchen with this song)

Vampires:

Vincent/lovely: Infinity by James Young

| Baby, this love

I'll never let it die

Can't be touched by no one

I'd like to see 'em try |

| Cause you're the reason I believe in fate, you're my paradise

And I'll do anything to be your love or be your sacrifice |

Sam/Darlin: Lover boy by Phum Viphurit

| Darling, I got my trust issues

Warning, you stay away

If we meet at the rendezvous

Take me away, sunray |

| I'll know peace when I'm your lover boy

I'll be your new school soul

Silver and gold

New desire

Friends on fire

Call me, "Lover boy"|

Fredrick/Bright eyes: Arms Tonite by Mother Mother

| And hey, you, don't you think it's kinda cute

That I (I) died (died) right inside your arms tonight

That I'm fine even after I have died

Because it was in your arms I died |

| I fell in your arms tonight

I died in your arms tonight

White light in your arms tonight

I fell in your arms tonight |

Adam/lovely: Stalker by IAMX

| Knock knock, I am here for you

Who’s there? Just the eternal fool

I will be your shadow

I will follow you, never let you go

I will be your shadow

I will follow you, never let you go |

| You are a siren in my dark

You need me now like I’ve needed you from the start

I will protect you from yourself |

Quinn/Darlin: Bed of roses by Mindless

Self Indulgence

| Hey its alright my life has never been a bed of roses

This way's better for me I don't care to live the life i've chosen |

| Screw you, my sentiments the same my friend

Screw you, my sentiments the same it always was |

Unempowered Humans:

Aaron/smartass: sparks by coldplay

| Did I drive you away?

I know what you'll say

You say, "Oh, sing one we know"

But I promise you this

I'll always look out for you

Yeah, that's what I'll do |

| My heart is yours

It's you that I hold on to

Yeah, that's what I do |

Unempowered humans:

Ollie/mentor: I want to be your boyfriend by hot freaks

| Before I see you I pick out some things to say

Don't want to sound foolish and waste my chance away

Oh, I'm not gonna make the same mistakes

I'm not gonna run |

| I wanna be your boyfriend

I wanna be your boyfriend

I wanna go on walks with you

I wanna have long talks with you |

Geordi/Cutie: Crush by Danny Knutelsky

| It's me

I'm the only thing you got

I'm the only thing you need

So can't you can't you see? |

Ivan/baby: MX. sinister by I don’t know how but they found me

| What will it take?

What else should I do?

How far must I go to prove

That I love you? |

| Oh you never seem to notice

That my heart beats for you

So I'll open you up

And make yours beat for me too |

Sad boi Ivan/ ex: I love you so by the walters

| I'm gonna pack my things and leave you behind

This feeling's old and I know that I've made up my mind

I hope you feel what I felt when you shattered my soul |

| But I love you so (please let me go)

I love you so (please let me go)

I love you so (please let me go)

I love you so |

Daemons:

Gavin/freelancer: scary love by the neighborhood

| You look better when you first wake up

Than anybody else I've fucked

Baby, I got good luck with you

I didn't know we'd get so far

And it's only the start

Baby, you got me worried (ayy) |

| Your love is scaring me

No one has ever cared for me

As much as you do

Ooh, yeah, I need you here, oh |

Avior/starlight: young by vacations

| I wanted to go

I wanted to say

All things come to pass

With time

But I want everything now

To be all mine |

| You think it's all over

Get up and try again

You've got to act your age, darling

Before you fall back in |

Walkers:

Elliot/sunshine: Best friend by Rex Orange County

| And that's because I wanna be your favorite boy

I wanna be the one that makes your day

The one you think about as you lie awake

I can't wait to be your number one

I'll be your biggest fan and you'll be mine |

| You better trust me when I tell you

There ain't no one else more beautiful in this damn world

In this damn world |

Blake/friend: Me and you Mama by Childish Gambino

| Can't stand it, backhanded

They wanna see us fallin' apart

You know that I love you

So let me into your heart |

| This is the end of us

Sleeping with the moon and the stars

I know where you've been, oh |

Elementals:

Huxley/ freelancer: puppy dog by dreamer dog

| I've been spaced out

Not reading the signs

I've been fucked up over you for quite

Quite some time

I need a way out

I'm begging you please

'Cause something about the way you are

Is making me weak |

| I've been waiting for you to see me like I see you

Staring at you with my puppy dog eyes

Floppy ears

While I'm faking a smile |

Damien/freelancer: hey! Love by the Delfonics

| Hey love (hey love)

Turn your head around (turn your head around)

Take off that frown

You're in love

Wake up (wake up)

Open the door (open the door)

Don't cry no more

You're in love |

| You know we need each other

And you girl

Yes you should be lovin' me

Lets go on together

We'd be happy

So happy |

Lasko/freelancer: are you bored, yet? By wallows

| What's wrong?

You've been askin' but I don't have an answer

How come?

I'm still thinkin' let's pretend to fall asleep now

When we get old, will we regret this? |

| Cause we could stay at home and watch the sunset

But I can't help from askin', "Are you bored yet?"

And if you're feelin' lonely, you should tell me

Before this ends up as another memory

Will you tell the truth so I don't have to lie? |

Kody/freelancer: your dead to me by Kali Uchis

| I don't know what you been told

See, I am not your enemy, ooh-oh

But if there's one thing that I know

Is that you ain't a friend to me, ooh-oh |

| You're dead to me

You're obsessed, just let me go

You're dead to me

I'm not somebody you know

You're dead to me

Could you just leave me alone?

You're dead to me |

[lady-sci-fi]

Thoughts on Star Trek: Generations

Watched Star Trek: Generations for the first time in many years. I really like it. It’s not actually bad, like I think the common consensus is. Overall, it’s a fun movie.

There’s only two things that actually annoyed me about it, both cosmetic.

1- The weird warping effect they put on Data’s face when he’s having his emotional seizure. WHY? Was it not enough for Brent to be acting the hell out of uncontrollably cry-laughing in pain? That’s not unsettling enough? You put a bad effect over his face that makes no sense?

2- The random switching of TNG to DS9 uniforms. It’s just done so stupidly weirdly. The main cast starts in TNG ones, with some extras already in DS9 ones. Then, randomly between scenes, the main cast switches one-at-a-time, except for Worf, Troi, and Beverly. Like, if you want them in the DS9 uniforms, COMMIT to it, because it’s just so distracting and makes no sense. You can even have their first scene be the TNG ones, then have everyone switch at the same time. (Oh, and then Picard switches back to TNG for his last scene. Why?).

Onto stuff I liked:

The Enterprise-D evacuation and crash scenes are SO GREAT. There’s so much I love in this alone-

Geordi being the last person out of Engineering, because he needs to take one last look at HIS place. (Can you imagine how bad he’s going to feel when they figure out how this happened? Probably what pushes him to finally get those cybernetic eyes by the next movie.)

Beverly managing to get all her patients out of Sickbay to a safer place in less than 5 minutes. Hell, the fact that everyone managed this in the chaos is impressive.

Geordi taking care of a group of kids, including carrying two of them on his back. He’s urgent, but still soft-spoken with them.

Troi taking the helm for the crash-landing. I’ve heard that people give her shit for “crashing the ship,” but... it was going down no matter what when the shockwave hit them, especially by the time she had to take over helm controls. Between her and Data, they crash-landed the ship with very low casualties. Oh, and she’s not trained past the basic Bridge-officer requirement for this job. That’s quite an achievement.

We see Data save Troi’s life on the Bridge at least four times during the crash. Once he realizes his console is useless, he moves to protect her.

She gets knocked out for a few seconds, and Data pushes her back against the chair before her head hits the console again.

Everyone else is being thrown around behind them, but Data is hugging Troi to stop her from moving.

Parts of the ceiling start breaking, and a big metal support beam comes down on Data’s back and head. If he hadn’t been huddled over her, it would’ve probably killed her. 

When they come to a stop, since they’re the closest to it, Data and Troi are going to be launched the hardest into the viewscreen wall. Their positions when they wake up means that Data would’ve been holding her and changed their positions MID-AIR to take most of the impact. 

Seriously, this sequence has the perfect urgency, pacing, emotional impact, and physical destruction.

I like the storyline they chose for it. It feels like a good TNG storyline.

Worf’s promotion ceremony is ridiculous and fun.

Quality DaForge content <3

I like the emotion chip stuff, because it uses something from the show that was introduced in season 4, then used in season 7, and it does seem like a natural progression for Data to want to install it. I think they did a good job with it, and it gives him something new to explore in this and “First Contact.”

Stuff I’ve seen complaints about but I’m fine with.

The Klingon ship taking out the Enterprise-D. They make sure to show it as a feasible thing, with the trick of bugging Geordi’s visor to get the shielding info they need, and then being very strategic with their shots. If Soren hadn’t kidnapped Geordi, they make it clear they couldn’t have done this at all, and wouldn’t have tried.

Picard’s fantasy family Christmas. He just found out about his family dying in a fire two days ago. It makes sense a family fantasy is first on his mind. As for the Victorian aesthetic, he’s kinda old-fashioned, so it makes enough sense to me.

Kirk’s death is perfectly fine by me. Maybe it helps that I don’t really care about him, but he went out like a hero helping to stop the bad guy. I don’t see a problem.

[definitely-not-the-tal-shiar]

Top 10 Star Trek characters I would like to hug 🤗 and why i put them in this order

Let me know your top 10!

10.) Coming in at number 10 is Lt. Commander Data. I want to hug Data because he’s so sweet and i love him but i feel like, despite his best efforts, the hug itself would not be great. Too stiff and uncomfortable to really provide that oxytocin that i need

9.) Number nine goes to our dear Julian Bashir ♥️ because, while I feel like Julian probably gives excellent bear hugs, i don’t think they’d last long enough??? Julian’s hyperactivity means a (non-romantic) hug would probably be pretty short and include a lot of patting on the back or rocking, which are great but not my ideal hug, personally.

8.) Number 8 might be surprising but it’s going to Tuvok. Are you going to tell me that you didn’t ✨experience✨emotions✨ when Tuvok hugged Janeway back in Year of Hell??? the SinCeRiTy! the AfFeCtiON! Ahhh 😌 a hug from Tuvok would just be so pure even if he was stiff and awkward

7.) Seven of Nine! As a young neurodivergent, i related hardcore to Seven of Nine. Sometimes, with things that didn’t come naturally to me like they did with everyone else (like social skills), I felt like i was also trying to discover my humanity. I want to give Seven a hug to thank her.

6.) Number 6 goes to our space dad Benjamin Sisko. Sisko would give great hugs!👏 The protective paternal energy that he just radiates would make you feel so safe 🥺 and he’d probably take you to a baseball game in the holosuites too ⚾️

5.) Okay, now we’re entering top 5 territory! Number 5 was a close call because i almost had him as number 4. Geordi La Forge 💛 Just look at him! He is friend shaped! I love his optimism! Geordi’s such a sweetheart and I’ll always associate him with happy childhood memories of Reading Rainbow re-runs 🌈

4.) For number 4 I had to go with Kira Nerys. This girl needs a real hug and I would love to give it to her. I think that if the moment were right, Kira would give really good hugs with just the right amount of pressure. Every time I watch ds9 I want to hug Kira and tell her that she’s doing her best and that it’s okay to rest sometimes ♥️

3.) Coming in at number 3 is Captain James T. Kirk, himself! I just know that a hug from Jim would be perfect. He’s the type to wrap himself around you and hug you tight. Jim does everything with passion and intensity and a good hug would be no exception, I think that a bear hug from Captain Kirk would have me feeling loved for a long time 🥰

2.) Second place goes to my space mom! I could cry thinking about a hug from Kathryn Janeway 😭 That hug would be full of maternal affection and i like to think she’d tell me she’s proud of me. The hug itself would be excellent but the love behind it would be even better 💕

1.) If you are familiar with my blog at all, you already know who gets my number 1 spot. I have a lot of feelings about Spock and i both want to hug him and be hugged by him. Our Vulcan is shown an ounce of affection and he simply melts, imagine what a hug would do for him! (I couldn’t even find a gif of Spock hugging anyone that wasn’t a forced romance or him collapsing into Jim’s arms.) I just want him to know that he’s loved 🥺. Hugging Spock would probably be pretty similar to hugging Tuvok: more of a gentle embrace than an actual hug, but if Spock is showing any type of fondness and love for you, you know it’s significant and genuine 💚

That’s my top 10! I’d LOVE to hear your lists! Let me know who your top ten would be!

[mi6021ellawatson]

I Love You So, Please Let Me Go

I just need someone in my life To give it structure To handle all the selfish ways I'd spend my time without her

You're everything I want But I can't deal with all your lovers You're saying I'm the one But it's your actions that speak louder Giving me your love When you are down and need another I've gotta get away and let you go I've gotta get over

But I love you so I love you so I love you so I love you so

I'm gonna pack my things and leave you behind This feeling's old and I know That I've made up my mind I hope you feel what I felt When you shattered my soul 'Cause you were cool and I'm a fool So please let me go

But I love you so (please let me go) I love you so (please let me go) I love you so (please let me go) I love you so

Inspired by the song "I Love You So" by The Walters my first and initial idea was an extension of my compositing project from last year. Talking roughly on leaving behind and mourning a large chunk of your past life the project will focus on the comfort that can come with illness and the process of becoming a new or different person. I hope that it also will be able to touch on the process of accepting small parts of you that you cant change or grow from, that being autism.

I hope to look at character design and narrative, creating a character, like that of my last project, that encapsulates the feeling of childhood trauma, anorexia and autism. He will have far more depth and backstory and will look quite different. He also is still unnamed but maybe he will grow into having one. I want to explore his connection to me, kind of like an imaginary friend, and my process of saying goodbye to him. Though he hurt me for 10 years, almost killing me at points, he also protected me and kept me company. Its still hard to not have him around as much. "I'm gonna pack my things and leave you behind. This feeling's old and I know that I've made up my mind. I hope you feel what I felt when you shattered my soul. Cause you were cool and I'm a fool so please let me go"

Unfortunately I am yet to be able to contact The Walters, this means the project likely will not be able to use either the song or the title due to copyright. I am thinking of writing a script for me to voice over the animation so no music is not an issue, I prefer using just sound and voice anyway as it is grounding and for me symbolises autism and sensory processing disorder. The talk from Petra really inspired me, I really loved their use of self exploratory dialogue and also the vulnerability of using your own voice. Honestly I still do have a love hate relationship with my geordie accent but I feel in a way its also a perfect and intimate way for me to further communicate my story.

Dissertation - Exploring the representation of female autism in animation, film and television.

[x-reader-theater]

Even Shields can’t Protect my Heart

Relationship: William T. Riker X Male!Engineer!Reader

Summary: Serving on the Enterprise is a dream come true, and the people only make it better. 

Warnings: Cursing, and lots of engineer jargon that’s probably woefully incorrect. 

Word Count: 10,382 words

A/N: Ho-ly shit. This is a long time coming. And it’s super long. Wow. Well, I didn’t want to do another series so here’s a ten thousand word something that I wrote because I’ve been obsessed with Star Trek for the past two months, and there’s barely any reader stuff for Next Generation, and no Male readers whatsoever, which is disappointing. But, I’ve written something purely for my own amusement. I feel a little bit like Q, but I love them so that’s not a bad thing. Anyways, please like, reblog, and tell me what you think! Asks are always appreciated! <3

"Computer! Where is Commander Riker?" You call out from your personal quarters. You're seated at your desk, papers all around you. 

"Commander Riker is in holodeck three," Computer responds. "Would you like me to hail him?" 

You shake your head. "No, Computer, that's alright thank you." You stand up from your desk and reaffix your badge to your shirt, making sure your pips are still attached to your lapel. Satisfied with how you present you leave your quarters, making a beeline to the holodeck suits. You've used them once or twice before, recreating your small ranch where you're from. It wasn't the same without the actual people there though. There was only so much you could program the computer to do. 

As you round the corner you slam into someone coming at you at full force. You stumble back, catching yourself on the wall before looking up into the face of Data, who was walking through the halls staring at his data-padd. You laugh in your head at that one. 

"I am sorry, Lieutenant. I did not see you there," Data states, looking down at you. 

You straighten out and brush yourself off out of habit. "It's alright Data. What were you so focused on there?" You lean forward to see what he's looking at. 

"Oh, it is just a simple riddle Commander LaForge has given me."

You smile. "If it's so simple, why are you so concerned with it?" Data looks confused for a moment and you pat him on the shoulder. "Sometimes Data, the most complicated questions have the simplest of answers." 

And with that you leave, turning around the corner to the holodeck suits. You hear Data say behind you, "Oh! Silence!" and you laugh as you walk. Coming upon holodeck three, you tap the open button, and watch as the doors open to reveal a bar, 1950s in decoration, and a few men standing on the stage, Commander Riker being one, playing to an empty room. Riker sets down his trombone and looks at you with an eyebrow raised. 

"Commander Riker, I had a question for you… but I seem to have… forgotten it…" you say, trailing off for a moment. "What… is this place?" 

You look around the bar, and cock your head at the sight of no people. "It's just something of my creation. The people held a bad memory, but I love the space, the atmosphere." Riker smiles and looks around. "It's like no other." 

You smile and sit down at one of the tables, saying to the room, “Computer, can I get a glass of whiskey please?” You feel pleased when it appears in your hand. You take a sip of the non-alcoholic recreation and gesture with the glass towards Riker. "Don't stop on my account. Maybe when you're playing the question will return to me," you say with a sly smile. You have no idea where this burst of confidence came from, where this spark of self worth and ability to flirt with the Commander came from. You just really wanted to hear the Commander play. 

You get your wish. Commander Riker picks up the trombone again and perfectly slots himself into the already playing band. His playing makes you close your eyes. You had no idea the commander could play an instrument. He isn't perfect or absolutely amazing to any extent, but he is good. And you are seeing a side of the commander you've never seen before. 

You get up, slowly letting the music carry you to the bar, where you let the holodeck refill your glass of non-alcoholic Whiskey. You smile languidly and watch as the amber liquid fills the cup once more. Picking up the glass you place it to your lips, taking a drink of the burning, but still pleasing, liquid. Setting the glass down you see the Commander start to set down the trombone. You raise your eyebrows and watch as he comes over. 

"Why did you stop?" You ask as he sits across from you. The music hasn't stopped, no you feel all the eyes of the players on your back. For being a simulation, they feel incredibly real. 

Riker summons a glass of a dark liquid. It fizzes and doesn't look like alcohol. It gives off a sweet smell. "It's hard to talk with a 'bone to your lips," he says casually. 

"What do you want to talk about?" You cross your legs and set your glass down on the bar, before folding your hands in your lap. 

Riker sighs and looks at his own glass, the dark liquid filling up again in the glass, as if by magic, but you knew it was the computer. "You're a new officer, correct?" He asks. 

You lean back against the bar slightly, placing an elbow on the dark wood to steady yourself, your fingers still intertwined. You shrug. "Relatively. About two years. Shorter than most on the ship. Much less than yourself," you respond carefully. You don't want to say the wrong thing and break what you have just built up. It was a delicate sort of conversation that was precious. 

The Commander clears his throat and reaches out, as if to touch you, bit he stops himself. "I-uh…" He clears his throat. "I was wondering how you were feeling about your time on the Enterprise? You have progressed remarkably fast through the ranks of Starfleet. There have only been three others faster than you Lieutenant. Ahem, Lieutenant Junior Grade [L/N]." 

You smile and unclasp your hands. "I am enjoying my time here immensely Commander Riker," you respond in kind, a genuine smile on your face. 

The Commander puts his hand up for a moment to stop you from speaking. "Please. In a setting like this, just William is fine." 

You smile. "Okay, William. As long as you call me [Y/N]." 

The Commander, William, nods. "Yes, yes, of course. It's only fair."

You smile, humorously. "And you're nothing if not fair," you joke. He laughs quietly. "But yes, William. I am having a very good time here on the Enterprise. I never thought it possible for me to have this, this position, be on this ship, know these people. After I was transferred from the U.S.S. Valentina, I thought I could never never find family again." You laugh as you lean back, thinking about your messed up family. "The captain, well, he's like an overbearing father you just can't help but love." You laugh at the idea of being a father. "Dr. Crusher is obviously the mother. Lieutenant Commander Data is like a brother, Geordi the same, but also different. Lieutenant Commander Worf is that fun uncle who always tries to get you to do things dad doesn't want you to." You start laughing when you think back to that time Worf tried to teach you how to fight like a Klingon with a Bat Leth. Or that time he trained you to use an actual Klingon D'k Tahg. "And Counselor Troi is like an aunt who always knows what's best for you." 

"What about me?" William asks, leaning forward slightly. 

"You?" You contemplate for a moment. Where did you see him? "I don't exactly know. You're not a brother, an uncle, a father. You've just sort of… been there. I don't know…" you trail off, looking away at the floor. You feel your cheeks flush slightly, and shake your head, hoping William doesn't notice. 

You get up suddenly, not looking at William. You clear your throat. "Ahem, excuse me. I need to get back to work." 

You go to leave, but William grabs your wrist. "Why, we were just getting comfortable." You know he's smirking, and you feel pain in your chest as you pull away. 

"Please Commander. I have neglected my duty long enough. I must get to engineering," you say, walking away from the Commander. 

"Computer, end simulation," Riker says, but that doesn't stop you from walking out of the doors and making your way to engineering, leaving the Commander alone in the empty holodeck. 

--

It's three weeks until you see the Commander again. You've been keeping to yourself, talking to Geordi and Data mostly out of the you've gotten a few direct orders from the Captain and even Commander Riker, but you haven't seen him in person ever since that time in the holodeck. If you even hear him talking in the hallway, without even looking you will turn away, your cheeks flaming up. 

Now, you can't ignore it. The Commander is standing right beside you, leaning over the console, his chest and inch away from your shoulder. 

"What do we see here Lieutenant?" The Commander asks. 

You point to a blip on the screen and say to Riker, "It seems there's some interference coming from the planet below Commander. It's sending out wave after wave of radiation I've never seen before. I asked the computer and they couldn't find a single thing like it!" You exclaim. You have a grin on your face as you say this. 

"Why so cheery Lieutenant?" Commander Riker asks. 

"Well, this is all so new! I've been studying different kinds of radiation since my academy days and I just can't find anything related to it. Permission to do a deep scan and some tests? It would be better to get my hands on some of the radiation up close, but we don't know how dangerous this is!" You exclaim excitedly. 

Riker chuckles and says in a low tone, "Sure. Go for it." You smile and turn to start the deep scan of the radiation. Riker doesn't move. "I didn't know this was an area of expertise for you. I would have had you come on this ship earlier." 

You roll your eyes and look up at him. “Yes because you care so much for engineering.” 

He chuckles and shakes his head. “You’d be surprised about what I’m interested in.” 

“Oh I’d like to know more about those interests that I supposedly do not know about,” you say with a smirk. 

The computer beeps and you and you turn away from the Commander to look at the results. It’s a low grade radiation, something with a lot of energy, not harmful to humanoids but harmful to smaller life forms. Children might be susceptible to it. It’s nothing like you’ve ever seen before. “Hm… Interesting,” you say, leaning into the screen. 

“What is it?” Riker asks, leaning in with you. 

“I’ve never seen anything like this. It must have something to do with the geology of this planet. Permission to run a scan of the surrounding area? I want to make sure everything is safe for the captain to report to Starfleet, so we can actually put a colony here,” you explain. 

The Commander nods. “Of course.” He gets up to leave, but stops before exiting engineering. “And Lieutenant?” You look behind you, pausing in your work for just a moment. “Meet me in Ten Forward. At 2000 hours.” He grins at you and you nod. He walks out of the room and your eyes don’t leave him until the doors from engineering close behind him. You’re smiling, happy with the conversation you just had with the commander, and excited for tonight, for you to meet with the commander tonight. You don’t know what it means, what this flirting thing you have with the commander is, what’s going on between the two of you. But you do know one thing:

You're so fucked. 

--

Ten Forward is close to empty by the time you step into the main room. The secondary shift for the night has taken their positions for the night, which means most of those who usually populate Ten Forward are on duty. 

Commander Riker must have chosen this time specifically because of the lack of distractions. He's very good at what he does. 

You spot him by one of the windows overlooking all of space. He looks very regal silhouetted against the dark expanse of the universe, still in his command uniform. You’d be surprised if he didn’t sleep in it. You yourself have changed out of your engineering gold into something more casual, something that reminds you of home. No one really dresses like this anymore, but your family has always been one for tradition. Your checkered button down is tucked into your boot-cut blue jeans, which are over a pair of old cowboy boots. They were your grandfathers, and they are still in beautiful condition. You walk over to the commander, your hands behind your back, wringing out your fingers as you approach. You can feel the bile rising from your chest but you swallow it down. The hairs on your arms stand on end the closer you walk. The clicking of your boots is the only sound you hear over the roaring of blood in your ears. 

Riker looks up at you as you approach the table. His face breaks out in a smile so genuine you're afraid his face might split in twain. 

You sit down in front of him. There's music playing in the background. Light piano. Nothing you recognize. Riker must have asked Guinan to play it. You sit down in front of the Commander. 

"Hello Mr. [L/N]. I didn’t think you would make it," he says as you take your seat. 

"Hello Mr. Riker. I was caught up in engineering. Geordi had to physically pry me from my chair," you return. 

Riker leans back and chuckles. "Please. Like I said, call me William." 

“And like I responded, call me [Y/N].” You lean back in your chair and cross your arms. “I’m not on duty, am I?” 

William chuckles and leans in as someone comes up to your table, a man who’s carrying a drink tray. “Hello, what can I get you?”

You don’t take your eyes off William as you say to the server, “Whiskey. Real.”

The server turns and begins to address the man leaning into you, but he interrupts. “I would like the same.”

You look up at the server and say to him, “And can you get us some Texas Barbeque? My father’s recipe if you will. It will be under [L/N]’s Texas Barbeque.” The server nods and you smile at him as he walks away. William is staring at you, incredulous and a little confused. “What? I’m feeling nostalgic tonight.” 

“Is that why you’ve dressed up?” William asks 

You chuckle. “I think to most this would be considered dressing down.” William laughs lightly along with you. “But yes. While the rest of the world has progressed past the need to ranch animals, my family has resisted the change. But, with that, they also make the best Barbeque you can find.”

William smiles. “I see. What does this ‘ranching’ entail exactly?” 

You shrug. “It’s mainly just raising animals. My family's been doing it for ages. They used to go into the larger town, I believe it was called Austin before San Antonio grew too large and incorporated it," you explain. "Anyways, they would kill the older chickens, pigs, and cows to sell to local butchers. Or on Sundays there was something called a "Farmers Market" when there were more farmers than there are now." You lean back in your chair and cross your arms. "Now we just raise the animals, taking care of them before they die." You grin as a large plate of Barbeque is brought over and places in front of you. It's beef, you recall as you bring up the family recipe in your mind. "Amd, if an animal gets injured or otherwise can't take care of itself, we kill it, cook up the meat into barbeque, and use the bones, hooves or feet, beaks, and anything 'inedible' and use it to make a broth. That allows us to make soups and other foods that last us a long time. At least until the next animal dies."

You pick up the barbeque with your fingers as William goes for his fork and knife. He looks at you quizzically before setting down the utensils and going in with his bare hands. You smile at that. You take a bite of the sweet but slightly charred meat, the juices running over your tongue and down your chin. You let out a small laugh and chew as you use your napkin to clean up what got on your chin and subsequently, your neck. 

William smiles at you and swallows before saying, "I never thought to eat finger food on the first date." 

Your brain goes blank for a moment. Is this a date? Are you on a date? With your Commander? That's almost as bad as the Captain. But do you want it to be a date? Do you want to go through with this? Yes. 

Your lips quirk into a smile and you taste a little bit of the char still on your lips. "My mother used to say it builds a connection utensils could never hope to achieve. It breaks down walls, and allows everyone to be honest. There's no hiding, no pretend here. You get messy, you work through it together. Just like you should." You smile fondly at the memory. You miss your mother. You haven't seen her in a few years. You talk often enough, but screen communication is never as good as the real thing. You can't hug your mother through a screen. Maybe the next time you're near earth you'll ask if you can make a stop for a few days. 

William smiles at that and picks up a piece of barbeque with his fingers and days before taking a bite, "Your mother is a very wise woman." 

You direct your smile at William now as you say, "She sure is." 

--

“Uh… Commander? I think you’ll want to see this…” You say, directing your comment to Geordi. 

He walks over and leans over your shoulder, huffing as he sees what’s on your monitor. “Well I’ll be…”

“But Commander?” You say, making it more of a question than a statement. “How is this possible? This can’t be real.” You lean in towards the simulation the computer is providing and say quietly, “There’s no way the radiation could be moving!” 

Geordi places a hand on your shoulder. “Well, figure out how. It doesn’t seem to be affecting anything yet but we can’t know for sure.” 

You nod and turn back to the computer, where you start running continuous scans on the now moving radiation. 

--

You lean back in your chair and rub your eyes, letting out a yawn before blinking at the screen in front of you. It’s nearing the end of your shift. You reach out for a glass of water, but your hand hits air. Right. No drinks in engineering. Your stretch your arms as those on the night shift take their place. You feel a hand on your shoulder and jump at the sudden touch. 

“Oh! Sorry Lieutenant, I didn’t mean to startle you,” ensign Torres says. 

You shake your head and press a hand to your temple, a pain starts to drill into your temple. You unclench your jaw but that doesn’t help. “No worries ensign. I was just thinking.” 

He places another hand on your shoulder. “Are you okay? Do you need to go to sick bay?”

You shake your head, but that only makes the pushing pain worse. “No, it’s just a headache. It’ll pass. Eventually.” You start to move from your chair, but you stumble into ensign Torres arms. He reaches out and catches you as you feel the pain deepen, like a screw being pushed into your skull without a drill or a screwdriver to help. You wrench your eyes closed. The engineering lights are too bright. You cry out in pain and can barely hear ensign Torres call out to the computer, “Esign Torres to Sickbay! Medical Emergency in Engineering!” 

You hear someone say from the otherside, “Acknowledged. I’ll be there in a moment. Crusher out.” 

The pain keeps building. Soon you can’t hear the beeping of the Engineering, something that’s come to feel comforting. There’s a buzzing in your ears and your face becomes hot as you continue screaming. You don’t know if there’s any sound coming out anymore, or if your throat has just been run raw, and nothing escapes but air. You feel your knees hit the floor, the pain from the sudden fall gives you a moment to think about something else, before the pain returns to your temples and you feel the air escaping your lungs again. You clutch at your hair and you wouldn’t be surprised if your hands were full of chunks of your own hair. You feel more hands on you, dragging you up to your feet. You’re still screaming when a hypospray is placed at your neck, and you finally fall into unconsciousness. 

The pain doesn’t stop.

--

You look around the dark. You’re not dreaming, you’re actually here. You reach down and feel your shirt, the yellow engineering uniform is coarse underneath your fingers. You look up and shout out, trying to call out to something, but it’s as if you’re in space, and there’s nothing for your voice to bounce back from. Looking around, you realize you’re not in the pitch black you thought you were in. There’s small stars dotting the blackness. 

They’re not stars, you realize, because they start to move. 

They swirl and congeal in front of you, and as you look up, this humanoid made of stars looks up as well. 

“Who are you?” you ask into the quiet room. With the coagulated humanoid in front of you, your voice has something to reflect off of. 

The creature tilts its head and repeats back in a poor imitation of your voice, “Who are you?”

“I’m [Y/N],” you say. “Who are you?”

You reach out a hand, and the stars follow, like a mirror. You reach out your left hand, it reaches out its’ right. “I’m [Y/N],” it mimics again. The voice is closer this time. “Who are you?”

You look down, your arm dropping to your side. You sigh. “This obviously isn’t working…” 

“This obviously isn’t working…” the mimic says. 

You look up and the amalgamation of stars follows. You squint your eyes. You reach out. 

You take a step forward. 

This isn’t a dream. You can move forward. The stars take a step back. 

It doesn’t take a step back exactly the way you took a step forward. It shows hesitation. Your eyes widen. It isn’t a mimic. It’s doing this because it doesn’t know anything else. 

You reach your hands out, gently, trying to be as non-threatening as possible. “It’s okay. I won’t hurt you,” you say softly. 

You take a step forward. 

“It’s okay. I won’t hurt you,” the stars reply back. 

They take a step forward. 

Your face breaks out into a grin and you take another step towards the creature. They take a step towards you. You reach out, each step closing the distance between the two of you. You feel the energy in the air, the charging of electrons the closer you get. The hair on your arms stands on end. You feel goosebumps rise on the back of your neck. There’s a prickling of static building in your fingers. You reach closer. Pins and needles burst from your heart, traveling through your veins out into your limbs, your fingers and toes going numb. 

You reach out. 

Your fingers brush the stars. 

You feel the pushing of the pain from before at the back of your skull, but you feel the stars trying to communicate to you to let go. You close your eyes and feel the stars envelop you. You open your mouth, breath out, and let the stars in. 

They rush into your mouth, into your throat, and for a moment you think you’re choking, but you don’t need to breathe. They settle, higher than your stomach, past your lungs and ribs, right in the middle where your heart sits. 

And you know everything the stars want you to know. 

--

You gasp awake, your eyes split open. The bright lights of sickbay make you want to close them again, but you force yourself not to. You look up and see Dr. Crusher and a few of her nurses standing around you. You can hear them talking, but you can’t understand what they’re saying. You’re still panting when Dr. Crusher walks over and places a soft hand on your back. You shake your head and it's as if your thoughts clear away and you can finally understand what language they're speaking. 

"[Y/N]?" Dr. Crusher asks gently. "Can you hear me?" 

You nod. "Yeah." It comes out as barely a whisper. You wince as your throat screams for water. "W-" you try and say. "Wa-" 

Dr. Crusher looks over at one of her nurses. "Can you get us some water? And something to help with the throat?" The nurse nods and moves away. Dr. Crusher smiles and says, "It's going to be alright. You're going to feel better soon." 

You nod and grab the glass that's handed to you, quickly gulping down what the nurse gives you. She also hands you a throat lozenge, which you quickly pop into your mouth. 

"Better?" Dr. Crusher asks. 

You nod. "Yes," you say, your voice only cracking slightly now. While your voice is quieter, at least you're talking now. "Much better. Thank you Dr. Crusher." 

The doctor smiles. "Please. Call me Beverly."

You smile. "Okay Beverly." You try and lean back against the wall, but you wince. Your body must have tensed up so much your muscles hurt too much to move properly. "Thanks," you say, grateful as she leans you against the wall. 

Suddenly, the doors to sickbay slide open and Commander Riker bursts in, panting. "What happened? Is everything alright?" He asks breathlessly, his eyes locking onto your form. 

Beverly smiles. "Yes. Everything is okay. I'm glad you could make it Commander."

You look at her confused. "While I'm not complaining, I have to ask why Commander Riker is here…" 

She smiles at you and stands up. "You were calling out for him. When you were asleep." 

You feel your face heat up as she leaves the room, leaving you and the Commander alone. 

He sits down where Beverly was sitting before and places a hand on your knee. "How are you feeling?" 

You shrug, but wince as it doesn't come out painlessly. "Sore," you say with a laugh. William laughs along with you. 

He reaches out and grabs your hand. "I was worried about you. When they said who it was I didn't know what happened!" William exclaims, his right hand flying out but his left still holding onto yours. His right hand rests again on your clasped hands and he says quietly, "What did happen?" 

You look him in the eye and say, determined, "I need to talk to the captain." 

You move to get up, but William pushes you back into the sickbay bed. "Whoah whoah whoah. Let's not be too hasty. Do you want to tell me, and I'll tell him?" 

You shake your head, wincing at the pain it causes in your neck, and the phantom pains of the headache fall into the forefront of your mind. "No. It's an emergency. I need to tell him." 

William sighs and squeezes your hands. "Alright. But he's coming here. You're not going to him." You nod carefully and William touches his combadge. "Commander Riker to Captain Picard. Please come to sickbay." William looks at you and says, serious, "It's an emergency." 

You smile, and squeeze William's hands. 

A few minutes later, the captain comes in. "Yes, what's the emergency?" 

William doesn't even say anything. He just gestures to you. You let out a breath. You've only talked to the captain once, when you first came onto the Enterprise. Usually you talk through Geordi. You look up at the captain and say confidently, carefully, "We have to stop scanning the planet." 

"What?" Picard asks confused. "Why?" 

"Because that radiation I detected?" you offer. "That's not radiation. At least, not really. The reason it was moving is because it's alive, captain." 

"What?" The captain looks dumbfounded. 

You sit up more in the sickbay bed. William helps you sit up. "The pain I felt? As it was entering my mind? That's the pain it feels while we're scanning it. The tachyon scans we've been doing have been killing it, captain." 

"But-but that's a class M planet. Others will want to come and claim it." 

You glare at the captain. "Then find a way to protect it." The captain hesitates, obviously thinking about what you're saying. Your eyes narrow even further and you turn to the computer that's against the wall next to your bed. "Computer? Play footage from engineering, 2200 hours." 

The screen lights up and you can clearly see yourself sitting at a computer console, falling asleep in your chair. Ensign Torres comes up behind you, and starts talking to you. It's too quiet to make out what you're saying. You stand up, fall into Ensign Torres' arms, and then all you can hear is your screaming. You look at the captain as he watches, pain and sympathy cross over his features. You just watch him. William squeezes your hands as he watches, tensing up at the sight of you in pain. You remember the pain, as clear as if you were experiencing it now. You tense up as the apology given from the new lifeform rises to the surface as well. 

"Computer," Captain Picard says suddenly, just as Beverly comes into frame. You're still screaming. "Stop video." The video stops and the screen goes dark once again. Captain Picard sighs and places a hand on his forehead. Your eyes haven't left the captain. He looks up at you and says quietly, "I'll see what I can do. Number one, I'll see you on the bride in-" He looks between the two of you, then down at your hands. "I'll see you tomorrow." 

And he walks away. 

You let out a breath you didn't even know you were holding when the doors to sickbay close behind the captain. You lean forward, exhausted after your display and pleading with the captain. William leans forward and catches you, your head resting on his shoulder. He runs his hands through your hair and says quietly, "That was amazing." You smile against his shoulder, but you don't have the energy to move. "Very convincing." You chuckle and reach your arms out to hug him, but you pull back, letting out a small groan of pain. William chuckles and pulls back, pressing his hands to your shoulders to keep you upright while he slides you down the bed. "Come on. You must be exhausted. I'll see if Dr. Crusher can get you something for the pain." He lays you down on the bed and you smile as your eyes close. He leans down and presses a soft kiss to your forehead. 

He gets up to go get Beverly, but by the time they return, you're asleep in your bed. 

--

“[L/N]!” You look up from your personal project you were working on. 

It’s your lunch break and you’re tinkering with a new invention, but every time you use it on something, when you turn it off, the force crushes the object inside. It’s not doing what you want it to, and you have to find a way to stop it from collapsing when it’s turned off. 

Geordi walks over to you in the hallway outside of engineering. “Hey, how are you feeling?” He asks right as you take a bite of your sandwich. 

You hold up a hand, chewing for a few moments as you set down your tools, and you put your device down. You swallow and say, “Sorry.” Geordi holds up a hand as if to say, ‘no worries,’ and you continue. “I’m better. A lot better. Beverly is a true miracle worker.”

Geordi chuckles and says pointedly, “She’s a doctor, not a miracle worker, Lieutenant.” You chuckle along and start gathering up your equipment, popping the last of your lunch into your mouth. You start walking toward the nearest replicator, and Geordi follows along. “I’m sorry I haven’t been able to see you in a while. I’ve been busy.” You nod. You understand how busy the senior officers have been these past few days. 

After leaving the planet, with the new radiation lifeform, the Enterprise was called to Starbase 83 to facilitate a discussion between the Klingons and a new race that was discovered on a mining moon. They drilled into the crust of the planetoid where they discovered a series of underground tunnels and caves, that were home to a race called the Hiyattas. They’re an insectoid race, with humanoid bodies, and they’re so new as an intelligent race they barely have 5,000 words to communicate with. In comparison, Federation Standard has over 170,000 words. William has been too busy to see you for the past few days, but occasionally, when he has the time, or the captain orders him to rest, he’ll ask you to join him in Ten Forward, just to see each other, and to catch up. He’s been updating you on the Hiyattans, and you’ve been telling him about engineering. 

You place the empty plate on the replicator and press a button that dematerializes the plate. “Anyways, I just wanted to know how you’ve been, being back in engineering after… well after what happened,” he says. 

You smile. “I’m fine. Still a little sore, but Beverly told me that’s normal after something like that.” The doors to engineering open and you place the invention and your tools on the table where Ensign Weaver who gets out of their chair and goes back to another station. “Can I ask you a question Commander?”

“Of course,” he says. 

You sit down in your chair, and turn to face him. “Why are you so concerned with me? You’re never like this with anyone else. Why me?” 

He smiles and says cryptically, “Don’t worry about it lieutenant.” He places a hand on your shoulder and squeezes gently. “Welcome back lieutenant.” 

He walks away and you say, confused, “Lieutenant Junior Grade, sir!” He doesn’t acknowledge you and just leaves engineering. You lean back in your chair, more confused than you have been in a very long time. “What just happened?” you mumble to yourself. 

--

You collapse into your chair in Ten Forward, leaning on the table that William is sitting in front of as well. 

“Everything alright?” he asks as your head hits the metal table with a soft thunk. You just groan in response. “Rough day?”

You laugh, though there’s no mirth behind it. “You could say that.” Your voice is muffled by your arms closing around your head on the table. 

William reaches out and touches your arm, grabbing it gently, as if to say, ‘hey, relax.’ You move your arms away from your face and sit up, though you’re still slightly slouched. “Hey, talk to me. What happened?” 

You sigh. “Everyone’s been so weird today. First!” You sit up more and William grabs your hand, not to calm you or anything, but just because he can. “It was Geordi, asking me how I am and talking to me more about personal things than he ever does. Then it was Lieutenant Worf, who refused to talk to me. I wanted to ask when the away team would be back, but every time I tried to contact him over coms, he would just tell me to talk to him later. I had to ask Ensign Martinez to talk to him for me.” You lean forward more. “And then! Chief O’Brien wouldn’t tell me how long the away team was gone for when I went to see him in transporter room three! I tried to run a diagnostic on the energy output from the transporters, so see if we could cut anything down for greater engine efficiency, but he just shooed me out of the room! Told me he’d do it himself and report back later! I asked Keiko what was going on with him but she wouldn’t even give me a straight answer. She would just mumble something about being busy or tired, and then take care of Molly.” You lean back in your chair with a huff, but your hands are still being held by William’s. “The only one who hasn’t been weird is Data, but he’s already weird. He was the only one to actually talk with me today. Though he kept saying ‘I’m sure you’ll be happy today…’” You shake your head. “It’s just been a weird day.” 

William smiles and leans forward, kissing your fingers lightly before encasing your hand in his own. You feel your cheeks heat up and you look away. You’ve been flirty with William, sure, and you talk a lot, but you didn’t think he actually felt anything for you. At least not the same way you feel about him. You were content to remain friends, but this… this feels really good, even if your stomach is doing flips right now. “I can’t wait to see how happy you are.”

You look back at him, your stomach dropping, as well as your shy smile. You groan and drop your head on the table again. “Ugh, not you too!”

He just starts laughing. 

--

You’re in your room the next morning when your combadge beeps at you from the dining table in your quarters. “Captain Picard to Lieutenant Junior Grade [L/N].” 

You pick up your combadge and affix it to your uniform before tapping it. “[L/N] here.”

“Will you come to my ready room? I wish to speak to you about something.” You nod, even though the captain can’t see you. 

“Aye sir.” Your badge beeps to denote the cutting of your connection to the captain, and you let out a deep breath. 

You try and steady your beating heart as you walk out of your room and to the turbolift. You only pass a few people, but you can’t help but feel as though they’re watching you. You don’t realize you’ve been holding your breath until you walk into the turbolift and the doors close behind you. “Bridge,” you say and the turbolift starts moving. You’ve only seen the bridge briefly once before when you first stationed on the enterprise. You were in the turbolift when one of the senior officers went up there. You saw it for as long as the doors were open. You didn’t get a good look at it. 

You feel your heartbeat rising as the lift rises higher and higher. You take deep breaths to steady yourself. You feel like you’re about to faint. The doors to the bridge finally open, and you barely catch a glance at William before your feet take you past the bridge crew and to the captain’s ready room. They’re definitely all watching you. 

You hear Counselor Troi say to someone, probably Commander Riker, before the doors to the Captain's ready room close, "He's definitely nervous." 

The doors close behind you, and suddenly, you're alone with the captain. "Ah. Lieutenant. Please, sit down." 

You do as you're told, but not before saying, "It's lieutenant junior grade, sir." 

He smiles and sits down across from you. "Yes, I've noticed you say that a lot. Is there a reason?" He folds his hands in front of himself. 

You shrug. "My father taught me not to take credit for things that aren't yours. Everyone needs a chance to prove themselves, and you shouldn't take that away from them," you explain. 

Captain Picard smiles and leans back slightly. "That is a very good insight Lieutenant… Junior Grade," he says after a moment. You smile at him. "Do you know why I've asked you here today?" 

"You sound like my principal in highschool," you mumble out. The captain raises an eyebrow at you. "No sir." 

He smiles. "I have heard nothing but good things about you from my senior officers. Geordi, Commander Riker, Deanna, even Data's said something positive about you." You don't say anything. You don't know what to say. You wait with baited breath as he continues. "I have continuously heard great things about you. And so I called you here to congratulate you Lieutenant."

"Congratulate me on what sir?" You don't correct him this time. 

He smiles at you. "On your promotion. Congratulations Lieutenant." 

You stare at him. "I-I don't know what to say Captain. Thank you!" You exclaim. 

He smiles. "It's not me. It's your own accomplishments. Now, we really should get back to work. We have a starship to run after all." 

You nod, still in shock and stand to leave. When you're about halfway to the door, the captain call to you. "Oh, and [Y/N]?" You turn to look at him. "I want to see you on the bridge now. If you could take more shifts on the bridge crew every once and awhile, that would be preferable." Your shock turns into excitement as you nod. "Dismissed."

--

You're sitting at the helm, your fingers don't know what to press first. Sure, you've run all types of simulations in star fleet, and have been reading up since your promotion, but the truth is, you don't know what to do. You've forgotten. Your mind blank. 

"Lieutenant? Are you alright? Do you need me to plot the course to Starbase 116?" Commander Data asks, his voice softer than normal, as if he's trying not to embarrass you. It's all very human. 

You let out a deep breath and shake your head. "No. No Data. I've got it," you say. You reach out, trying to remember which button to push first, when you feel something behind you. 

"Push the red one on the right first," Commander Data says low in your ear. 

You press the button, and with muscle memory start to lay in the course to Starbase 116. You look up and smile as you see Commander Data nod and go back to the Captain's chair. 

This is going to be a long night. 

--

You walk into Ten forward, swaying a little with each step you take. You almost fall into the bar but catch yourself as you walk to the table William is sitting at. You’re still in your uniform form earlier on in the day. You slump into your seat and sigh as you look up at the server that appears next to you.

“Coffee, extra sweet,” you say. William holds up a hand to say he’s good and the server nods and walks away. 

“I thought you hated coffee,” William says. 

“I do.” You lean back in your chair, your arms falling to your side, almost numb. “But I need to stay awake.” 

Riker looks at you, concerned. “Why do you need to stay awake? Do you have a night watch shift?” He asks, a little astounded. You wave him off, blowing a raspberry with your mouth as the server comes back with your coffee. You make a grab for it, but William slides it in front of himself, out of your reach. “No, you don’t get this until you answer me.” You sigh and reach for it, but he just holds your hand. "Why are you drinking coffee?" 

You sigh and place your forehead on the table. Your stomach's been swimming all day, and now it's just gotten worse. You haven't eaten anything since breakfast. You shake your head on the table. William reaches out and you feel him lace his fingers into your hair, touching the tips of your ears with his fingers. You sigh. "I've been taking extra night shifts on the bridge because those are the only times I can do them." 

William looks at you, concerned. "[Y/N], you're working yourself too hard," he says, quietly. 

You shake your head. "I want to do more for the captain, be on the bridge more like he requested, but I can't just give up engineering. It's such  a large part of me I can't just throw it out the window!" You exclaim, though that makes your head spin. You wobble slightly as you close your eyes and take a deep breath. "Whoah…" William sighs and when you open your eyes, you see the same server from before taking your coffee away. "Bu- wa-" you cut yourself off as you reach out towards the server, too tired to actually get up and go after your coffee. 

William stands up and walks around to your chair. "Come on. I'm taking you to bed." 

"But- but I have to be in the bridge in fourteen minutes! Commander Data is expecting me!" You exclaim as William takes your hands and lifts you up, placing a hand around your waist and throwing your own arm over his shoulders. William presses his combadge and says, "Commander Riker to Data."

"Commander Data here sir," comes the reply. 

William starts walking with you, more like dragging you, out of Ten Forward. "Lieutenant [L/N] is unable to come to his shift on the bridge. It's an emergency." 

You hear Data acknowledge it, but he adds on at the end, "Is the Lieutenant okay? He's not hurt is he?" 

William looks down at you. "He's not hurt." 

You can almost imagine Data nodding. "Data out." The comm cuts out. 

"I think Data thinks of you as a friend now." You look up at William as he says this, approaching your door now. You live on deck ten, so it always makes it convenient to go to the forward. 

You smile. "Good. I consider him a friend too." 

The doors to your room open as you approach and William takes you inside. He seats you over to your bed, and you practically throw yourself onto it. You sit up and go to remove your shoes, but William holds up a hand to stop you. You comply, and he removes your shoes for you. He sits down on your bed and you lean over, resting your head on his shoulder. He leans over and kisses your hair lightly. You almost don't feel it in your sleepy haze. 

Looking up, you see William's bright blue eyes. They're alight with affection and warmth, and you want that warmth. You want to feel that affection he apparently has for you. You lean up, pressing your lips to his, moving your hands from the bed to his neck. He starts kissing back, slowly but it's something. He moves his hands to your wrists, and pulls away as he moves your hands away from his skin, some of the only exposed skin on him when he's in uniform. 

He smiles in the dim light and says softly, "I really want this. Trust me, I do. But not when you're tired." 

You nod, and he leans in, pressing a kiss to your jaw before getting up. He lets go of your wrists and they fall back to the bed with a soft "thunk". He smiles and kisses your forehead. 

"Get some sleep. We'll talk tomorrow." You nod and scoot up the bed, falling asleep before you can even watch William walk out the doors.

--

You're sitting in Ten Forward, three days later, your new invention and your tools spread out over one of the tables in Ten Forward. You’re so close to a discovery, to being able to test it, but you have to find a way to not burn out the circuits after every shutdown. You’re hunched over your work and you don’t even notice as someone pulls out the chair and sits down in front of you. 

“Still hard at work, huh?” 

You jump, looking up into the blue eyes of William, who’s smiling at you. You place a hand over your heart, a decoupler pinned between your palm and your breast. “William! You scared me!” 

Even though you’re shocked, you’re laughing with him. “I’m sorry. I didn’t realize you were so entranced in your work,” he says. 

You sigh with an exasperated smile. “I’m so close.”

“I don’t think I’ve ever asked you what this is,” he says, pointing towards the invention on the table.

You look up at him, as if to ask, ‘Really?’ but he doesn’t back out of his statement, so you go ahead and explain. “Well, this…” You hold up the metal puck, blue, red, and white wires poke out of the bottom. “…is a personal shielding device. It uses a magnetic resonance created in part by me to cover the body and deflect anything from a phaser blast, to an old earth bullet, to a rock thrown at your head.” William is looking at you with wide eyes. “But-” you say, cutting him off from speaking, “I haven’t figured out how to make it work without the phaser blasts draining the energy from the shield and burning out the internal configuration. Last week I figured out the issue of it crushing the object inside of it when it’s shut off, but it still overloads the power couplings.” 

“This is so over my head, but this is a brilliant invention! How did you come up with it?” William asks. 

You shrug. “I just thought, ‘Why should ships only have shields?’.” 

You grin, and William laughs, leaning back in his chair. You just watch him laugh, his smile so wide you’re surprised his cheeks don’t split to make more room. His eyes are closed, but when you were explaining your technology, you could see adoration in his eyes. As you’re grinning at him while he laughs in his chair, you watch this man you’ve talked to every day for the last few months, and you realize something as his comforting eyes open again. 

You are in love with William T. Riker. 

--

“Alright lieutenant! Let’s fire this up!” Geordi says from the other end of Engineering two days later where he’s monitoring the shielding device. 

You nod and press the final button needed to remotely turn on the device, even though there’s a switch on the side for whoever needs it, for it to be activated. The light hum of the magnetic resonance is almost impossible to hear next to the massive warp engine. You watch as the light reflects for a moment off the shield as it wraps around the vase Data was willing to give you for the test. The magnetic resonance hasn’t vibrated the vase to pieces yet, so that’s good. 

You turn to look behind you, and say, “Commander Data? Fire when ready.” 

He nods and holds up the phaser, firing it on the shield. You watch as the shield pulses from the phaser blast, moving and warping, and you watch with baited breath as the vase wobbles slightly, but stabilizes after only a moment. 

You let out a breath as Geordi calls out, “Shield holding at 83%!” You have to force yourself to focus on your breathing, because you know you will hold your breath until the experiment is done. “Shields holding at 67%!” You watch as the shield starts flickering, but it’s still steady. “Shield falling to 42%!” The phaser still isn’t getting through, even though the resonance is flickering more and more, but you notice the shifting of the field is done around where the phaser is hitting, but it’s solid where the phaser is hitting. “Shield now at 27%!” The buzzing sound of the shield is now louder than the phaser as it pushes itself harder to protect the fragile vase. “Shield falling to 15%!” Geordi calls out to you and Data. “10%!” You watch as the shield starts falling away from the back, still holding strong against the phaser blast. “5%! 4! 3-2! 1%!” You watch as the shield flickers out for one last moment, before the phaser penetrates the magnetic resonance field, and the phaser strikes the vase, shattering it into a thousand tiny pieces. The phaser stops before it can do any more damage.

You watch as, even though the vase isn’t there anymore, the shield comes back online, taking the previous shape of the vase, before collapsing, and turning itself off. 

Data lowers his arm, the phaser resting at his side. Geordi walks over and stands at your side, placing his hands on his hips as he says to you, “Congratulations Lieutenant. You have created the first and only personal shielding device.”

You just stand in shock, a loose grin on your face. 

--

“Why don’t you join us for poker some time! I’m sure Commander Riker has asked you to join a few times?” Beverly asks as you sit in medbay, getting a cut healed from your rather rigorous exercise while fighting a few holodeck romulans. It’s not your program, lieutenant Worf let you use it for the time being. Your shield was being particularly annoying today and you needed to let off some steam. 

You shake your head. “No, no. I don’t play your kind of poker.”

“Seven card stud?” Beverly asks. 

You shrug. “I only know how to play one type of poker, so I think I’d be a little outmatched," you say with a light laugh. 

"Well, what kind of poker do you play?" Beverly asks. "Maybe we can learn!" 

You look up at her and say with a straight face, "Texas Hold 'em." 

She looks at you confused. "What?" 

"It's a poker game that was popular in the 21st century, but after the nuclear wars, only those in Texas really held onto it. Us Texans love anything with the word 'Texas' in it," you say sardonically. 

Beverly laughs as she finishes healing your cut. "Alright. You should be good to go." You smile at her and jump down from the bed, rolling your neck and sighing when you hear the pops it makes. You move to leave, but she stops you with a shout. “Oh lieutenant!” You turn to face her. “Maybe you should steer clear of the holodeck for a little while. Come play poker with us. You can teach us how to play your game, and I’m sure the commander will love to have you there.”

She smiles at you knowingly, and you just smile and nod before leaving sickbay. 

--

“Picard to engineering! Can you get us out of here!” Captain Picard yells over the comms. Because Geordi’s on the bridge, he put you in charge of engineering. 

You press your combadge and shout over the general hustle and bustle of engineering,  “We’re trying our best captain! The tractor beam from the planet’s interfering with our escape plan! I don’t think we’ll be able to leave unless we can shut down that tractor beam!” 

The combadge goes quiet for a few moments and you call out to Barclay to join you at the main engineering consoles situated in the middle of the floor. Your combadge beeps again when Barclay moves to your opposite, continuing his work. “Picard to Mr. [L/N]. I need you on the bridge.”

“Aye,” you say, nodding to Barclay who nods back, and you leave engineering for the bridge. Before you exit, you stop by your station and grab your personal shield, holding onto it as you make your way to the bridge. The ride in the turbolift is silent. No one interrupts. You’re alone. 

Until the door to the bridge opens up and all you can hear is shouting. “[Y/N]! Over here!” Geordi calls out to you, waving you over. You move over to Geordi before the doors to the turbolift can close again. “We’re having a hard time shutting down their tractor beam.”

You lean in next to Data to look at the computer monitor. “Have you tried a reverse tachyon beam?”

Data nods. “Yes. They have a force field up. We can not get through.” 

You nod and start mumbling to yourself, “And we can’t beam anyone in there-”

“Wait, no I think we can,” Geordi says, typing on the display. “Here.” He points to the monitor, where you see the subspace fluctuation in the shield, a hole not big enough for a phaser blast, but just big enough for a transport. 

“Yes, yes. I see,” Data says, before turning to the chaotic bridge. “Captain,” he says, not raising his voice at all. Picard turns, still having been able to hear Data over all the comotion. “I believe we can transport a small away team down into the surface. This is the only way to disable the tractor beam. We have…" Data pauses for a moment and you fill in the rest for him. 

"We have twenty four minutes before the warp core shuts down and we're pulled to the surface," you supply. 

Picard nods. "Commander, assemble an away team." 

Riker nods. "Data, Worf, you're with me." 

They go to leave but you stop them. "Sir?" You interrupt the Commander before he leaves. "Sir. I think I should be the one to beam you all down. I've done the calculations and I know I can get you there safely." 

Riker looks to captain Picard, who nods. Riker motions for you to follow. "[L/N]. You're with me," Commander Riker says. 

You follow them into the turbolift, and down to transporter room one. You walk in and quickly dismiss the ensign on duty. He walks out of the room as you input the exact transporter coordinates. 

You look up and everyone's already on the transporter pad. "Commander, one more thing before you go…" 

You walk up to him, and reach your hand out, grasping your life's greatest work as you place it in the commander's hand. He looks up at you in sock as you say to him, quietly, "You never know what you'll find down there…" 

He looks up at you in shock, and you walk back to the transporter, your fingers over the engagement. 

"Lieutenant? Energize," Riker says. 

You slide your fingers up the panel, and as you do, the three men start to dematerialize. Soon enough, they're gone, and you wait with baited breath, hoping you do it right. 

You feel your heart stop as your combadge beeps and Geordi's voice filters through. "Lieutenant? You did it! Come and join us back on the bridge," 

"Aye sir," you reply. 

--

You wait and watch from the bridge, barely daring to breathe. The bridge has gone silent. It's eerie. The bridge is usually full of life, buttons being pushed, talking from the commanding officer to their officers, and vice versa. Now, you're sitting at OPs, waiting for something, anything to happen. 

You don't have to wait long, because soon enough you're flung against the OPs terminal, and you have to cling to it so you don't Tumblr over it. 

"What was that?" Picard asks the room. 

You start typing on your console but Geordi's faster. "The tractor beam is gone captain. As well as the shield. It seems they were shut down." 

You get up from OPs and look back at the captain, going to say something, but you're interrupted. "Away team to Enterprise. Please beam us directly to sickbay. Commander Riker is hurt." It's Data's voice. 

Your heart stops beating, and you look to the captain. You don’t even need to say anything. He just nods, but as you get up and walk past him, he places a hand on your arm gently. “See me in my ready room after your shift ends.” 

You nod and he lets go, letting you rush down to sickbay. The doors don’t slide open fast enough and you almost slam face first into them. But they do eventually slide apart and you enter, your breathing so fast you’re afraid you may pass out. You spot him, William, lying in one of the sickbay beds against the wall. You push your way through the bustling room and over to William, who grins as he makes eye contact with you. You let out a deep breath and practically throw yourself into the chair next to his bed. He reaches out and you grab his hand. 

You feel something fist sized, warm, machinery. “You saved me. You know that?” 

You let the shield fall to the ground and lean over, kissing William T. Riker. 

--

You let out a nervous breath, clenching and unclenching your hands in the turbolift as you make your way down to William’s room. You’ve never actually been in his room. You’ve imagined it, what he would have in it. Pictures of family, flowers from Deanna, lots of blues and reds. The turbolift doors open, and you have half a mind to turn around and go right back the way you came, but you shake your head, stepping out of the turbolift onto the senior officer’s crew quarters. You walk down the brightly lit hallway and to the door you remember Beverly telling you was William’s. 

You let out a breath, and push the doorbell. 

It only takes a few seconds before the doors slide open, and a shocked William is staring back at you. “[Y/N]! What a nice surprise! What are you doing here?”

“Beverly invited me. She wants to learn how to play my poker,” you explain. “I even brought my own cards.” You hold up the pack you’ve used for years. Your lucky deck. 

“Oh well, come on in!” William steps aside and you carefully make your way inside, smiling as you see Geordi, Beverly, Worf, and Data all sitting around a circular table, chips layed out in front of each of them. William pulls up a chair for you next to Beverly and himself, as well as some chips for you to use. You sit and place your cards on the table, Data scooping up the old cards. 

“What’s the game, [Y/N]?” Beverly asks.

You start to shuffle the deck, almost as well as Data but no one can ever be as good as Data at anything. You stop, placing the cards in front of William to cut as you say, “The game is Texas Hold’em. May the best, win.”

[ibelieveinharrystyles]

Chapter One: Something New

this is the first part of my new series i hope you enjoy it :)

Forever? Masterlist

31st October 2015

Somehow Ashley was late, well she wasn’t late late, just later than she had said she’d be, who knew getting two trains from Holmes Chapel to Sheffield could be so time consuming. She panted heavily as she approached the security at the back entrance to the arena, showing them her driver’s license, and they checked her name off of the guest list, Paul led her down the corridors and through the arena to catering where Harry was sat eating food from the buffet, they hadn’t seen each other in almost a month, but they still managed to speak pretty much everyday. She quietly approached her best friend who was sitting across the table from Niall, clearly involved in a heated debate. “Guess who?” she chimed, covering his eyes with her hands.

“Susan Boyle?” he joked, before Ashley lightly slapped him round the back of the head.

“You’re a little shit, you know that don’t you?” she told him as she placed her bag and jacket on the chair beside Harry.

“But you wouldn’t have me any other way would you?” he replied, standing up and hugging her from behind, his arms wrapped tightly around her shoulders, his exquisitely decorated arms holding her tightly. “I’ve missed being your little shit.” Harry told her, “Food! Do you want some food? I told Sarah to make your favourite because I knew you were coming.”

“You’re a soft bugger aren’t you?”

“I think I prefered little shit.” Harry chuckled, his cheeky grin stretching from ear to ear.

“So how’ve you been?” Harry asked eagerly as the two of them found a space at a spare table, Ashley tucking into her plate of cheesy pasta and salad.

“Not bad, It’s weird not being in education, when I decided to take a gap year I thought I’d be buzzing, but I’m so bored.” She explained, twirling the pasta on her fork.

“Well I’m just happy to have you here love, I missed you.” he smiled, picking at Ashley’s pasta.

“I missed you too H, do you reckon you’ll come back home when the break begins?”

“For a little bit, I’m back at Christmas, but it looks like I’ll be in LA for New Years this year.”

“Oh I bet you will,” Ashley teased.

“What do you mean by that?” Harry smirked.

“You know exactly what I mean Styles! I do use social media you know, I’ve seen the pictures of you and Kendall, as long as you’re happy I’m happy, you are happy aren’t you?” she replied.

“I am Ash, I think I am.” Harry replied, sitting back in his plastic chair.

“What do you mean you think?”

“Alright Ashley? How’s tricks?” Louis asked as he took a seat beside her.

“Not bad, not bad, I hear congratulations are in order though, dad! that’s pretty crazy.”

“Yeah it’s mad innit, I’m excited though, lookin’ forward to it.”

“I’ve seen you with your Doris and Ernie, you’ll be a great dad.” she assured him.

“Cheers darling that means a lot,” Louis replied.

“I’ll see you two later.” Harry stood you, prepared to slip away before the topic of conversation turned back to him.

“Hey Styles! You didn’t answer my question.” Ashley called after him.

“Forget what I said, I’m happy. Promise.”

The final show was less than an hour away, the boys and their respective family and friends were all sat in catering together, the mood was different, everyone would always be so hyped up for a show, but today they were mellow, there was the same laughter there had always been, that was unmistakable, but it was different, everyone was reminiscent, talking about their favourite memories of the band that had been such a massive part of their lives. Ashley could sense Harry was quieter, he sat next to her twiddling with his thumbs and fiddling with his hair that Lou had only just fixed. “You wanna go for a walk?” She whispered, nudging his arm, he nodded.

The pair found themselves sitting on some steps behind the stage, the shrieks and chatter of the fans surrounded them as they did, “What’s eating you up H? I don’t think I’ve seen you like this before.” She rubbed her hand up and down his back, letting him know she was there if he needed her.

“Do you think we’re making a mistake?” Harry asked, looking at the floor.

“I think you’re making the right decision for you, look at it this way, you wouldn’t drive a car from London to Scotland without stopping off in Liverpool for petrol on the way, and you ,might decide not to stay in Liverpool too long, but on the other hand you might like Liverpool a lot, and you might decide to stay in Liverpool longer then you’d planned. What I’m trying to say is H, the last five years have burnt you all out, you wouldn’t be human if they hadn’t, no one would blame you Harry, how could they?” Before the band Ashley had always looked to Harry for advice, like she would an older brother, but ever since the X Factor final the tables turned, Y/N would always assure Harry that somehow everything was going to be alright.

“I’ve been offered a solo record deal.” Harry told her quickly, like it was a plaster he’d been meaning to rip off of his skin.

“That’s good isn’t it?”

“It’s three albums, no time scale, no pressure.”

“Looks like you’ll be stopping off in Liverpool a little longer than originally planned.” She told him, causing Harry to let out a loud chuckle, he rested his head on her shoulder and let out a relieved sigh, “Do you remember what I told you that night at the X Factor Final? when you were a skinny sixteen year old in baggy jeans, and I was a little fourteen year old with a terrible fringe.”

“No I don’t, that whole night is a massive blur.” he replied.

“You were anxious about the future, I told you that moment was just the beginning but you weren’t sure, and I said to you, tell me that in five years when you’ve got number one albums, won awards and sold out arenas, and frankly Harry my sentiments remain the same, you are going to do amazing things in the next few years, and the world will get to see the real Harry Edward Styles.”

The final show had drawn to an end, there were tears, before, during and after the show, mostly from the mums, tears of joy that their sons had accomplished so much, but also tears of sorrow, the feeling of uncertainty, not knowing what the next few years would hold. “You alright?” Ashley asked Harry whilst they were standing at the bar in the midst of the after party.

“Yeah, just about, come here,” he wrapped his arms around her, swaying from side to side as the music changed, “I’m so lucky I get to call you my best friend.”

“It's that song H, the one that Gemma had on that day we first met.” Ashley told him, gazing up at her best friend.

“We best go dance to our song then.” He replied, taking her by the hand and leading her to the dancefloor, the two of them dancing how you would expect two slightly drunk people to dance “But you don’t pull my strings cause I’m a better man moving on to better things!” Harry shouted, as they continued to dance together, laughing hysterically as Ashley held onto Harry’s hands.

“Strong dance moves Ash.” Niall chuckled as she returned to the bar, “Oh this is Matt, he’s been part of our tour crew for the UK leg, Matt this is Ashley.”

“Nice to meet you.” His Geordie accent thicker than any she’d heard before, his hair was combed back on top, and short at the sides, leading her to infer he was a peaky blinders fan. “Those were some impressive dance moves.”

“I’ll leave you two to it.” Niall announced taking his beer from the bar, “don’t do anything I wouldn’t,” He whispered to Ashley, sparking a small grin on her face.

“What are you drinking?” Matt asked as she took a seat on the barstool beside him.

“Heineken.” She told him, he raised his eyebrows, clearly surprised, “Were you expecting me to say white wine or something?”

“Usually I can tell what sort of drink someone would go for, how about you grab us a table and I’ll bring your drinks over.”

Ashley had no clue what possessed her to invite Matt back to her hotel room, he said he fancied a chilled one where it was quieter, and she quite agreed, the music was intense and the chance of having a proper conversation was slim to none. “So how long have you known Harry?” he asked, taking a swig from his beer bottle.

“Ten years, we were neighbours when we were kids, and I guess we’ve just been best friends since then.” She explained.

“So you’re not together?” He asked.

“God no, Harry’s like my brother, he’s always looked out for me, I’ve always looked out for him.” She explained.

“And what does your boyfriend think of how close you two are?”

“I haven’t got one.”

“There’s no way someone as fit as you doesn’t have a boyfriend,” he told her, edging closer to where she was sitting on the bed, placing his hand on the bare skin of her thigh, gradually sliding it up, under her skirt.

“You’ve got protection haven’t you?” she asked, reciprocating his kisses.

“Of course I do.” He told her, unbuckling his belt, his kisses became more intense as he hovered over her, there was no connection, not on Ashley’s part anyway.

“Rise and shine sleepyhead.” Ashley stirred from her sleep to see Harry knelt beside her bed, “I bought you some food petal,” He told her, stroking the hair from her face, before passing her a face wipe to remove last night’s makeup from her face.

“What did I do to deserve a friend as good as you?” She asked, sitting up in bed as she took a croissant from the plate Harry had placed beside her bed to nibble on.

“You’re clearly just born lucky.” He told her, “So tell me, where did you and Matt get to last night?”

“Oh shit.” she fell back against the pillow, hiding her embarrassed face from Harry, “We slept together,” she whispered.

“And he’s not here now? He’s literally just left you here? If I weren’t the calm person I am I’d be out of here looking for him.” Harry exclaimed, the anger in his voice apparent.

“If I’m honest H, I’m not bothered whether I see him again or not, he wasn’t the best I’ve had.”

“Who was?” Harry asked, clearly intrigued who his best friend had been with.

“Luke.” She shot him a knowing look, waiting for him to figure it out.

“As in Australian Luke? When did that happen?” He asked.

“The Take Me Home Tour Show in London, it was only one night Haz.”

“How come you never told me?”

“Do you tell me about every aspect of your sex life?” She replied quickly.

“I best leave you to get ready,” he stood up, making his way towards the door, “Quick one love, if you are going to have sex next door to me in the middle of the night could you keep it down a bit, these walls are paper thin.” He turned on his heel, smirking cheekily as he strolled out of her room.

“You’re a little shit Harry!” Ashley shouted after him.

“Love you too!” Harry shouted back, sighing to himself as he left the room.

[ploppythespaceship]

My Hopes for Picard Season 2

Have some rambly writing while I practice social distancing! Under the cut are my ideas of things I would like to see in the second season of Star Trek: Picard.

More of Laris and Zhaban.

These were two excellent characters that felt somewhat underused -- Zhaban in particular, as Laris got most of the important scenes and dialogue. Their backstory is only really given in the comics, and I’d love to see it explored properly in an actual episode. Either let them join the crew, or give an episode actually devoted to them. Perhaps some former Tal Shiar connections hunt them down, and the La Sirena crew must protect them? I don’t know, but there’s a lot of potential there.

Consequences for Picard’s android body.

Putting Picard’s consciousness into the android body was rather predictable, and seemed a deus ex machina ending for him to simply escape his terminal condition scot-free. He’s essentially the same as he was, and nothing has changed. I would love to see season 2 actually give us drawbacks for this decision. Maybe his android body has some quirks he wasn’t expect. Maybe he breaks down, or someone can hack his programming. Just allow for this major decision to be a defining point of his character going forward, not a snap fix where everything is magically the same.

More xBs.

The xBs were built up as such a good plot point, a group of people to support and rally behind, but then hardly got to do anything. I’d love to see more xBs in season 2, get to know more of them personally, experience their struggles re-integrating into society, and watch characters like Picard and Seven step in to directly help them adjust.

Justice for Hugh.

Hugh’s death was by far the most hated plot point of the season (at least with everyone I’ve spoken to). To bring back this character, make him into someone so warm and wise and instantly lovable, only to kill him off in such a shocking yet underwhelming way -- it’s deeply unfair and honestly harmed the story more than it helped. I’m not saying they should just snap their fingers and bring him back -- they did it with Culber in Discovery season 2, and imho it didn’t work at all -- but if there is a way to organically bring him back and weave him into the story once more, I welcome it. If that’s not possible, then let his presence and death hold greater weight so that he can be given greater meaning at least retroactively.

Consequences for Agnes.

Agnes’s murder of Bruce Maddox was rather brushed aside in the finale, and I don’t think that’s something to be forgotten so easily. I feel the characters should be much less reluctant to trust her, and she should be reluctant to trust herself. I hope to see her explored further in season 2, rather than simply brushing the whole thing aside.

Less Data.

Don’t get me wrong -- I love Data. He’s one of my all time favorite Star Trek characters. But he took over this season, and not always in a good way. The focus was often on him and his legacy, at the expense of other characters both past and present. He was shoehorned into the finale in the strangest way, and personally, his second death scene had absolutely no weight because of that. Brent Spiner says he’s done with the part, and I hope it sticks this time, because as much as I will miss him, Data’s time is done. Let him rest. (I also never want to hear Blue Skies ever again. We’ve done it to death now. Literally.)

More returning characters (and storylines).

While I don’t want past characters taking up all the screentime, I would like to see more coming back. Season 1 felt odd at times when Picard really should have called on old friends like Geordi, Worf, or Beverly for help, and instead he called on new characters the audience had never seen before. There’s a wealth of past characters to bring here -- the most obvious choices being the rest of TNG’s cast. But there’s also Voyager’s cast, which would work well with Seven of Nine. And we can’t forget Deep Space Nine’s cast! There’s much potential to bring back old characters in new ways, and while the thought does make me nervous, for the most part I respect the decisions made for returning characters and generally trust them with the rest.

More development for Narek.

Boy band Romulan here was tragically underdeveloped, only really becoming interesting in the finale when he began playing more of a wild card role. It’s clear there’s much more potential with his character than what they’ve seen, and I’d love to see him continue that unpredictable role with unsure allegiances. Perhaps even a redemption arc? I’m not sure exactly what I want from him, really. Just more than what we’ve been given so far.

More development for Soji.

I don’t think Soji is a bad character. I just think she was sadly underwritten. I can tell you all about what she is, but not who she is. What are her interests? Her motivations? What drives her as a person? I frankly have no idea. The writers have made the mistake of thinking that giving her a mystery is the same as giving her a personality. That needs to be fixed. While it’s easy to pin some of the blame on Isa Briones, I don’t think she’s really a bad actress. She just has so little to work with.

More Elnor.

No character in the series is as tragically sidelined as Elnor. After his introduction episode, he essentially tags along for the rest of the plot, watching as the other characters do everything. You could write him out of the series entirely with very little effort. And it makes me sad because he’s a great character! I want to see him take part in driving the plot next season, and focus further on him as a character.

More Seven of Nine.

Seven was absolutely fantastic in season 1. It was implied that she’s joining La Sirena’s crew, and I’d love her to be a main character next season. There’s clearly much more to her story to explore, including her guilt at now being a killer. And as I said above, I’d like to see Voyager characters return. Imagine seeing Seven opposite Janeway! Or Tuvok! Or the Doctor! It’d be so good.

More holograms, and hologram rights issues.

Rios’s holo-squad grew on me a lot as the series progressed, and I’d like to see even more holograms aside from them. This season focused so heavily on android rights, while largely ignoring the same issues in holograms despite the obvious parallels. Voyager started a trajectory of discussing whether holograms were sentient, primarily with the Doctor, and this series is poised to continue that same issue. You could even bring back those very characters, and let the Doctor, Zimmerman, and Barclay chime in on the issue. It’s a plot point ripe for the picking.

Less serialization.

Full serialization is not a bad thing. There are many shows that pull it off near flawlessly. But I don’t think it’s necessarily the right choice for Star Trek. Letting episodes stand on their own to focus on more individualized plots allows for a greater wealth of storytelling and puts the focus primarily on the characters. This season felt a bit unbalanced at times as it tried to tie all the characters and sideplots together into one, but a more episodic approach would largely negate these issues. There should absolutely be a flow between episodes, and perhaps even a build to a grander finale, but overall I think a slightly more segmented style of storytelling would ultimately be the better one.

More Federation nuance.

One of my biggest gripes with season 1 was its portrayal of the Federation. While I do like taking a harder look at the Federation’s mistakes, especially from such a beloved StarFleet officer like Picard, the show did take a pretty sharp turn from showing the Federation as a perfect utopia to showing them as selfish cowards who put fear before compassion. But it’s a complex organization with complex issues. Picard’s conversation with Clancy implied that there were valid political reasons to withdraw from Romulus, even if it wasn’t necessarily the humanitarian thing to do. I would love to see it explored further, without falling so heavily on one side or the other. The Federation is ultimately trying to be a force for good, but it’s certainly a flawed organization that can cause harm if it isn’t careful. Different characters may have very different views of it, and different levels of what nonsense they are willing to tolerate from it. It’s certainly a hard line to balance in storytelling, but it can be done -- Deep Space Nine did it damn near flawlessly. Be more like Deep Space Nine, Picard.

And that’s all I’ve got for now!

If you actually made it all the way down here, thanks for reading <3

[stephantom]

I’ve decided to try typing all of the main characters from Star Trek: The Next Generation and Star Trek: Deep Space Nine, using both the MBTI and the Enneagram/9-Types. And uh, I just wanted to talk about a couple observations about that. But it’s dumb, so it is behind a cut! lol

(Not a full list. I’ll post that eventually, probably. Oh, and this is only about the enneagram types at the moment.)

Type 5 is “The Investigator.” The super cerebral, innovative, knowledge-building type. Deep Space Nine has no Type 5s! 

I saw someone on one forum mark Odo as a 5, but I really don’t see it. He’s a Type 1 (the type obsessed with ethics and creating order), maaaybe a Type 8? (the type that wants to protect itself from harm?) but almost certainly a 1. But even if we do consider him a possibility for 5, he’s the only candidate there. (We get a little bit of 5ishness from Jadzia, who is a 7 (the fun-loving, experience-seeking type) and does that healthy integrating-5-ishness-in-moments-of-growth thing that 7s do. Rom and Miles are probably 6s with a 5-wing. But yeah, not a lot of really solid 5-ishness for DS9.)

TNG’s possible 5s, on the other hand, include Data (for sure), Geordi (could be a 9 though, maybe a 6w5?) and Wesley (again, could be a 9, or even a 3w4, 4w5, 6w5... he’s... I’m not sure). And if we do full tri-types, Picard’s secondary type is definitely 5w4 (his primary type being 1w9). Barclay’s a 4 with a 5 wing.

What I’m saying is: there’s a lot of 5 energy aboard the Enterprise! Which makes sense, since the show feels like a bunch of nerds going on a field trip in space, keeping each other up to date on their obscure projects and shit.

Meanwhile, I don’t think there are any 3s on TNG. Type 3 is “The Achiever,” the charming, driven, image-conscious pragmatist. I’ve seen one person on some forum say Riker and Wesley are 3s, but I don’t agree. (I think Riker’s a 7w6, and Wesley, again, confuses me, but I think 5 and 9 are better fits.) So, two possibilities.

Candidates for Type 3 on DS9: Garak, Bashir, Quark, Dukat, Kai Winn. Of course, you could argue against any of those. In fact, I don’t think Bashir is a 3 (I think he’s a 2 (the people-pleasing helper) with a strong 3 wing), nor do I think Quark is a 3 (I think he’s a 6w7, but 6s under stress typically exhibit behaviors of unhealthy 3s, so that 3-ish energy is still there--and actually, this goes for Nog and Rom too, who I also think are 6s). But there’s a definite argument to be made for reading them as 3s. It doesn’t feel like a stretch to me. Dukat might be an 8, and Kai Winn might be a 2, but I really think they’re both 3s. Anyway, add it up any way, there’s a big 3 feel. Which I think contributes to the show’s vibe of like... lots of scheming and posturing and shifting loyalties and intrigue. 

DS9 also has more possible 8s (the domineering, aggressor/protector): Kira, Sisko, Dukat, Worf, Gowron, Odo. TNG’s only possible 8s are Worf (who I think is actually a 1), and Tasha (who... you know). Maybe Ro Laren? But she’s not a big part of the show. So we get big clashes and drama and all-out war in DS9--there a lot of big tempers flying around--but not so much in TNG.

Anyway, I’ve just been having fun trying to put them all in boxes and reading about all these types and stuff and thought this was neat. 

 ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

[rikerxworf]

for the otp ask pls answer them all

this is the first ask I got for this meme and it’s honestly giving me life you guys;;

1.       Who laughs at their own joke and who deadpans at the joke?

Will definitely laughs at his own jokes, and he will not stop just because Worf won’t react to them and would just stare back – that’ll only make Will laugh even more. As soon as he looks around though (and realizes that in fact NO ONE laughed), he might shut his mouth and look down lol.

2.       If they had a secret handshake, how would it go?

A Klingon one, maybe! Like the Qapla’ greeting just one each other’s shoulder instead of their own. Or just a really low high five, like super casual, maybe even without looking at each other, that’d be cool as well.

3.       It’s movie night, what movies are they gonna watch together?

The classics. Disney movies because Will loves them, and Worf learns to appreciate them over time. War movies, but those with hyper homoerotic subtext (I imagine those must be all over Klingon cinema lol). Queer cinema in general. The stuff Worf can get overly invested in lol

4.       It’s time to name their pet they adopted together, who gets to name it? How do they come to this decision?

Worf comes up with a name so great Will just says yes. He’ll probably choose something with an elaborate meaning. (Even though the name is already short, Will finds a way to construct a diminutive.) The Real Question is, what kind of pet would they adopt? Not a cat, I presume. A dog, rather. A big, ugly, dangerous-looking Klingon beast. Maybe. Like a warrior sehlat that everybody is afraid of, and then Will comes in like “Aren’t you a good boy??? Who’s a good boy???? You’re a good boy!!!” and it would whine like a puppy lol.

5.       Who would they love to go on a double date with?

Will would love a double date with just about anyone, simply because he likes double dates so much. Worf probably needs some persuasion, but he too would go on a double date with Geordi/Data or Deanna/one of her many girlfriends, if the location is to his taste. However, both Will and Worf draw a line when it comes to Lwaxana Troi, who is the greatest fan of double dates in the quadrant.

6.       Who wakes the other up in the morning? How do they wake them up?

I don’t think either of them has a problem getting up early in the morning, first of all. Worf gets up earlier because he wants to train on the holodeck before duty. When he comes back, he wakes Will with a gentle hand on his shoulder. When they are on vacation, say on Risa, Will gets up first to prepare breakfast. He goes to wake up Worf with a cup of coffee in his hands and whispers his name before he sits down on the edge of the bed. Once Worf is awake, Will gives him a kiss. (I’m getting soft just imagining this y’all)

7.       How do they celebrate Halloween?

To Will, it is just another opportunity to dress up like a slut and eat candy. Worf dresses up with a little accessory. They prepare sweets for the ship’s kids who do trick or treat, which is the quiet part of the evening. Once Alexander is in bed, they go to Ten Forward to celebrate with the other officers. Will gets very drunk. And flirty. Worf doesn’t mind, of course.

8.       Who is more likely to call their partner ‘dude’?

Will lol. Probably when Worf does some disgusting Klingon ritual that even Will can’t look at.

9.       During a thunderstorm how do they react? Is one scared? Do they both love it? Do they take pictures?

Both are fans of thunderstorms! Maybe in Klingon culture, a thunderstorm means that the Heavens are having some warrior’s party or something. It’s loud, it’s messy, it’s raw nature, that’s why Worf stands by the window and stares with a wide smile. Will does too. However, I’m playing with another idea: that he’s scared/nervous/concerned, and Worf needs to do some comforting – but that’s just my voracity for H/C speaking. Oh, another idea: Worf insists on going outside to experience the storm as intensely as possible, and Will worryingly recites thunderbolt protection rules in the hopes that Worf doesn’t get himself killed lol

10.   Who would looking lovingly at their partner and call them ‘idiot’?

Worf definitely has some gentle expressions going on from time to time, but Will is this pair’s Heart Eyes Department, so he’d stare lovingly at Worf, who is I don’t know, trying to brush his teeth or so, failing, and then say ‘idiot’ with a soft chuckle. And then he’d help him, of course ♡

11.   It’s time to get groceries, who likes to look at everything and who just wants to power through and get everything done so they can go back home?

I can imagine either version! Will being so enthusiastic about cooking that he’d check every shelf they pass, and Worf just clutching the (hover) shopping cart, praying that it’s over soon. Or, the other way around: Will has his quick shopping routine but can’t get anything done in time because Worf is so fascinated by everything they walk past on the market.

12.   Who is more likely to make a mess in the kitchen?

Worf. When Will cooks, it’s mostly orderly and not that much to clean up. But Worf – let’s just say Klingon kitchens are something else. Plus Worf doesn’t know shit about cooking because he’s so used to replicators. When he does try to cook (maybe to do Will a favor?), he not only messes up the kitchen, but also himself – face full of flour and apron bespattered with sauce, eyes wide – and Will finds him helpless like that, only to smile at him gently and help him clean up. And help him cook as well, think standing behind Worf and coordinating his hands while burying his nose in long curly hair~ uwu

13.   Who likes to try to prank their partner?

Definitely Will. Surprise parties, surprise kisses, lame joke items, lying (“Nope, no idea where your hairband is…”), but it’s never something serious or overly elaborate like those fake youtube pranks.

14.   When scrolling on their phone, who is more likely to show their partner a cute picture/video of an animal?

For cute animals, it’s Will showing them to Worf: “Aw, look, a bunny! Look at its tiny eyes and the fluffy ears! Look!!!” For dangerous/awesome animals, it’s Worf: “Have you ever seen a creature this majestic? Look at its eyes. The eyes of a warrior – a pause – The bunny is nice as well.”

15.   Who causes the tomfoolery and who has to try and stop the tomfoolery?

Will may cause deliberate tomfoolery. If at all, Worf is more of an involuntary troublemaker with the best intensions, whereas Will can be quite mischievous from time to time, I imagine. Although it’s all in good fun, things can take a turn for the worse when in combination with his clumsiness.