#genuinely incredible. and genuinely edible!

[pfaugh]

I'm a horribly evil person who's endlessly entertained by pain and misery— but my standards are very, very low. a bad pun, is an ideal villainy. I like posting on reddit. I'm sharing (relatively) nuanced discussions - things I broadly believe in, mind— but, every once in a while you've got to sort of take it all in. revel at that yellow storm on the horizon. imagine the poor in their rafts: soaked to the bone, clawing at their eyes and mouths. almost smell it in the air. sorry I forgot what I was talking about. anyway. tonight I'm stealing a post on lolita. I haven't read the book, I don't think I could understand much if I tried. but I feel like fuckin ned kaczynski. like if the joker was a goofy goober

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for yelling at my classmate while high?

I (18m) accidentally took an edible Tuesday night, not realizing it was 1000mg. It's friday and I'm still high, and it's not going well. But anyway, I was standing where I usually do before class when a classmate (17f) who hadn't been at school all week started talking to me about why I was being so loud while talking. I (as calmly as I could) told her that it was because I was high, that I took a 1000mg edible tuesday night and wasn't doing well at all, and that I may not talk to her much because I'm high. She immediately started getting hyped, saying she was so incredibly jealous and she wanted to be high for 3 days straight. This is where I might be the asshole- I got upset and (my voice was really loud but I hadn't meant to yell) told her that it genuinely felt like I was dying and she shouldn't wish for this to be happening to her. She immediately yelled back, called me an asshole, said everybody had different experiences and I shouldn't yell even when I'm in the fucking weed torture nexus.

So AITA?

[luvnami]

i genuinely don't know what overcame me when i wrote this. but here, have modern!au sanemi baking with reader. hopefully you think it's funny, because i'll feel less braindead

baking together is not romantic. the idea itself is cute. execution of said idea, however, leaves much to be desired. 

“sanemi,” you begin, because names are always a good place to start, “this tastes like ass.”

before you is a comically flat loaf of bread. the crumb is incredibly dense (if it can even be called a crumb at all), the crust is as hard as a rock, and you’re pretty sure the yeast packet you used was expired.

you don’t know why you thought that baking bread was an easy process, considering that both you and shinazugawa are amateur bakers. you know how to cook, sure. baking, on the other hand, comparatively seems like rocket science. 

shinazugawa stares at the fruit of his labour on the kitchen counter. he raps his knuckles on the crust once, then twice. it sounds like he’s knocking on a brick. 

“jesus fucking christ,” he mutters. 

his arms are sore from kneading the dough. you had quickly grown tired of it, learning that reaching that perfect ‘gluten window’ was harder than it seemed, so you left it to your boyfriend with his big, strong biceps. surely all those hours in the gym must amount to something, right? it also gave you an excuse to gawk at him, in your extra pink apron and his forearms flexing with each knead. 

your apartment’s kitchen is now littered with baking utensils. you’ll find flour in the strangest places for the next two months, but that’s a problem for future you to deal with.

“well, that was a bust. what do we do with this?” you sigh, crossing your arms. 

shinazugawa sucks on his teeth. he was planning to make something edible for dinner out of the bread, but that’s clearly out of the question now. 

“fuck this. we’re getting takeout. we can feed the bread to, i don’t know, the pigeons at the park.”

“the pigeons? what if they choke and die! babe, this isn’t even bread. it’s an abomination.”

“fuck the pigeons.”

you gawk at shinazugawa. he’s serious. he’s going to feed the pigeons your failed gluten creation and newsflash: you’re getting arrested for killing the pigeon population at your local park. it’s a life sentence. you’ll never make it out alive. even if you do, the pigeons will send their strongest army to peck you to death. 

“babe! the pigeons! you can’t just say that!” you cry out. 

you lunge at shinazugawa and start weakly beating at his chest. he snorts. okay, maybe don’t fuck the pigeons. he catches you and squeezes you tight against him, ignoring your appeals to him to maybe care about the birds a bit more (he could give less of a fuck about them, though. damned things had a knack for assaulting him for his snacks). 

you’re both covered in flour, wearing matching aprons, and you’re all pressed up against him. next time, maybe you’ll start with cookies first. shinazugawa makes a mental note of that. 

“c’mon, we’ll order your favourite.”

your eyes sparkle. you momentarily forget about the pigeons. 

“really?”

shinazugawa melts a little when you look up at him, eyes wide and expectant. how can he say no? thank god for failed bread and stray birds. 

he kisses your forehead.

���of course.”

[kenzirr]

The BAU team gathered in the conference room, their faces a mixture of excitement and curiosity. Spencer Reid, standing in the center, shifted nervously from foot to foot, glancing at his teammates.

"Okay, Reid," Morgan began, crossing his arms. "Tonight's a big night. You've got a date with Y/N, and we want to make sure you don't overwhelm her."

JJ chimed in, smiling encouragingly. "We know you love sharing your knowledge, but try to keep the trivia to a minimum, okay?"

Garcia nodded vigorously. "Just focus on getting to know her. Ask questions, listen, and maybe save the facts for later."

Spencer frowned slightly. "But what if she asks about something I know a lot about? Shouldn't I share what I know?"

Hotch stepped forward, placing a reassuring hand on Spencer's shoulder. "Just remember, balance is key. It's great to share your interests, but make sure it's a two-way conversation."

"Got it," Spencer replied, though he still looked a bit uncertain.

Later that evening, Spencer stood outside Y/N's door, taking a deep breath before ringing the bell. When she answered, her bright smile immediately put him at ease.

"Hi, Spencer," Y/N greeted, stepping out and locking the door behind her. "Ready for dinner?"

"Yes," Spencer replied, offering his arm. "Shall we?"

As they walked to the car, Spencer couldn't help but start talking. "Did you know that the probability of two people having the same birthday in a group of 23 is over 50%? It's called the birthday paradox."

Y/N laughed lightly. "Really? That's fascinating."

Encouraged by her response, Spencer continued. "And the restaurant we're going to has a unique history. It was built in 1925 and originally served as a speakeasy during Prohibition."

Throughout the evening, Spencer shared more of his "weird" facts. As they perused the menu, he launched into another. "Did you know that the Caesar salad was actually invented in Tijuana, Mexico, by an Italian-American restaurateur named Caesar Cardini in 1924?"

Y/N's eyes widened. "I had no idea! That's such an interesting fact."

When their appetizers arrived, Spencer pointed out an item on the table. "These oysters are fascinating. Oysters can actually change gender, and they often do so multiple times throughout their lives."

Y/N looked at her plate, then back at Spencer, clearly intrigued. "That's incredible. I never knew that."

Spencer smiled, feeling more at ease. "And did you know that honey is the only food that doesn't spoil? Archaeologists have found pots of honey in ancient Egyptian tombs that are over 3,000 years old and still perfectly edible."

As they enjoyed their main course, Spencer continued with another fact. "The restaurant we're in was part of a historical preservation project. It retains most of its original architecture, which includes elements from the Beaux-Arts movement, characterized by its grandeur and elaborate details."

Y/N looked around, appreciating the intricate designs on the ceiling. "It’s beautiful. You really know a lot about everything, don’t you, Spencer?"

Spencer chuckled nervously. "I just find these things interesting. Did you know that octopuses have three hearts? Two pump blood to the gills, while the third pumps it to the rest of the body."

Y/N smiled, clearly enjoying the conversation. "That's so interesting! Did you know that sloths can hold their breath longer than dolphins? They can stay underwater for up to 40 minutes."

Spencer's eyes lit up. "I didn't know that! That's amazing."

As they finished their meal and waited for dessert, Spencer shared one more fact. "And speaking of interesting creatures, did you know that a group of flamingos is called a 'flamboyance'? It's one of my favorite collective nouns."

Y/N laughed, a genuine and delighted sound. "I love that. You're full of surprises, Spencer. And did you know that a bolt of lightning contains enough energy to toast 100,000 slices of bread?"

By the time he walked her back to her door, Spencer felt like he'd shared a part of himself he'd always been hesitant to reveal. Y/N turned to him, smiling warmly.

"I had a wonderful time tonight, Spencer," she said. "I'd love to do this again."

"Me too," Spencer replied, his heart racing. "Thank you for listening to my facts. I know they can be a bit much."

Y/N shook her head. "Not at all. They're part of what makes you unique, and I wouldn't change a thing."

She leaned in and kissed him softly on the lips, a brief but sweet gesture that left Spencer blushing and smiling.

The next morning, Spencer walked into the BAU office, a noticeable spring in his step. The team looked up as he approached, their curiosity evident.

"So, how'd it go, pretty boy?" Morgan asked, grinning.

Spencer beamed. "It was amazing. Y/N loved my facts. We talked about everything from the birthday paradox to the history of the restaurant. She even shared some of her own facts. Did you know that sloths can hold their breath longer than dolphins? They can stay underwater for up to 40 minutes!"

Garcia clapped her hands together. "Oh, that's wonderful! I knew she'd appreciate your unique charm."

JJ smiled. "I'm so glad to hear it went well, Spencer. It sounds like you both had a great time."

Hotch nodded approvingly. "It sounds like you found someone who appreciates you for who you are."

Spencer nodded, his face glowing with happiness. "And when I dropped her off, she kissed me. It was... perfect."

The team exchanged pleased looks, and Morgan gave Spencer a pat on the back. "Sounds like a keeper, Reid. We're happy for you."

As Spencer settled into his desk, he couldn't help but replay the evening in his mind.

[mars-ipan]

here's that completed list btw. the fact that the nightmare category is the largest one amuses me

i love opening tierlistmaker to see whatever i was thinking of last time i was on the website. opened up the dangan list maker to see a partially completed list based on how i think they would be to smoke weed with

[be4chywritez]

Please, can you do a part 2 of the winner takes it all of nico hischier something about her going to the stadium series or him talking about her to the press like really proving the couple goals to everyone.

Pd i love your writing🥰

thank you lovey🤍

supportive boyfriend | nico hischier

nico hischier x driver!reader

beachy’s masterlist

part l

beachy’s notes: THIS IS NOT PROOFREAD so if you see two of the same paragraphs no you didn’t ( i popped in an edible)

Nico adjusts his hair from his face, still damp from the quick post-game shower he took. Reporters surround him, and he really doesn’t want to be cooped up in a stall answering these questions.

Less than 24 hours ago, he watched you win the world championship, and now he’s here, but his mind keeps wandering back to you. He loves how you would go to the ends of the earth just to support him. You’re so selfless; most world champions would party all night, but not you. You got on a flight to come support him, even though it was a tough loss. He knew you would tell him how good he played.

A PR officer gives him a nod, queuing him to start answering questions. He responds to what feels like the same question in different formats, giving fake chuckles to the jokes that some of the reporters make. But then someone asks about you, and anyone with a brain could tell how much he loves you.

“Nico, we didn’t see you arrive with the team. Why is that?”

He straightens up, an involuntary smile making its way to his face. “Um, my partner is a Formula One racer, and I went to see her win the championship.” He doesn’t want to sound braggy, but who wouldn’t? His girlfriend is a world champion.

Another reporter asks, “How does that dynamic work? You both travel quite a bit.”

Nico’s smile widens, and his eyes light up. “It’s definitely challenging, but we make it work because we understand and support each other’s dreams. We both know what it’s like to be passionate about our careers, and we make sure to be there for each other, no matter what. Like yesterday, I was in the stands cheering her on, and today, she’s here supporting me. It’s all about finding balance and making time for what really matters.”

The reporters seem genuinely interested, leaning in as Nico continues. “We’re each other’s biggest fans. After a tough game or a challenging race, we always find a way to lift each other up. It’s not always easy, but having someone who truly understands and supports you makes all the difference.”

A reporter at the back chimes in, “Do you think having such a high-profile relationship adds pressure?”

Nico shakes his head slightly. “Not really. If anything, it gives us more strength. We’re both very focused and driven, and having someone who knows what that’s like is incredible. We don’t see it as pressure; we see it as motivation. And at the end of the day, we’re just two people who love each other and want to see each other succeed.”

The PR officer wraps up the session, and as Nico makes his way out.

As he walked out, he spotted you immediately, standing outside the locker room with a warm, encouraging smile on your face.

You were bundled up in your Mercedes-AMG Petronas jacket, a stark contrast to the casual clothes he had changed into. Your eyes lit up when you saw him, and you quickly closed the distance between you.

“Nico!” you exclaimed, throwing your arms around him. He hugged you tightly, finding warmth in your embrace despite the disappointment of the game.

“You made it,” he said, holding you close. “Thank you for coming all this way.”

You shrugged, your smile never fading. “Of course, I did. I wanted to be here to support you, win or lose.”

He nodded, grateful for your unwavering support. “Let’s get out of here,” he suggested gently. “I could use some time with you.”

You nodded in agreement, intertwining your fingers with his as you walked together through the hallway and out to the parking lot. The drive back to your shared apartment was filled with a comfortable silence, hanging between you.

When you arrived home, Nico unlocked the door and held it open for you with a small smile. The apartment was quiet and welcoming, a stark difference from the noise and pressure of the game. You kicked off your shoes by the door, feeling the tension begin to melt away.

Nico moved to the kitchen, pulling out ingredients for a simple dinner. “How about we make some pasta?” he suggested, turning to you with a hopeful look.

You chuckled softly. “Sounds perfect.”

-

After dinner, you cleaned up together, it was in these quiet moments that your bond felt strongest, the shared routines and unspoken gestures speaking volumes.

Nico washed the dishes while you dried, stealing glances and exchanging small smiles. When the last plate was put away, you turned to him with a soft smile.

“Thank you for dinner,” you said sincerely, reaching out to touch his arm.

He nodded, his eyes meeting yours. “Thank you for being here. It means more than you know.”

You leaned into him, resting your head against his shoulder. “We’ll get through this,” you murmured, your voice filled with assurance.

Nico wrapped his arms around you, holding you close. “Together,” he agreed softly. “Always.”

-

The rest of the evening passed in comfortable companionship, watching a movie together on the couch and enjoying each other’s company. As the night grew late, you found yourselves curled up under a blanket, the quiet of the apartment soothing and familiar.

“You know,” Nico said suddenly, breaking the silence. “Even on the toughest days, having you here makes everything better.”

You smiled, brushing a strand of hair from his face. “I feel the same way. We’re in this together, no matter what.”

He nodded, his gaze softening. “I love you,” he whispered, his voice barely above a whisper.

“I love you too,” you replied, your heart swelling with warmth.

Nico leaned in, pressing a gentle kiss to your forehead. His lips trailed down to yours, capturing them in a deep, passionate kiss.

The kiss deepened, Nico's hands roamed your back, pulling you closer, his touch igniting a fuzzy feeling in your lower stomach.

When you finally pulled away, breathless and flushed, Nico's eyes held a hunger that mirrored your own. He gazed at you with adoration, his hand caressing your cheek.

"You drive me crazy," he murmured, his voice husky with desire.

You chuckled softly, your heart pounding. "You're not so bad yourself."

Nico kissed you again, softer this time, a silent promise of love and devotion. You melted into his arms, the world outside fading away as you lost yourselves in each other.

[awkward-walking-potato]

Hello! I'd like to request sfw/nsfw alphabet for Wade Wilson please! Your fics are really good

SFW Alphabet:

A - Affection:

Wade is incredibly affectionate, but in his own strange way. Expect playful teasing, exaggerated gestures, and over-the-top compliments. He’ll never shy away from showing you love, even in public.

B - Best Friend:

You’re his partner-in-crime—literally. Wade loves having a sidekick or someone to bounce his crazy ideas off of. He’s loyal to the core and would do anything to keep you safe, even if it means annoying you half to death.

C - Cuddles:

Wade loves cuddles, but they might turn into playful wrestling matches or tickle fights. He’s all about physical closeness, especially when it makes him feel grounded and loved.

D - Domestic:

Wade in a domestic setting is chaotic but sweet. He’ll cook (though it might not be edible), attempt to clean (probably leaving more of a mess), and randomly serenade you with ridiculous songs while doing chores.

E - Excitement:

Everything with Wade is an adventure. He thrives on excitement and unpredictability, so being with him means you’ll never be bored. Expect surprise dates, random road trips, and unexpected (and often dangerous) escapades.

F - Flirting:

Wade’s flirting is constant, outrageous, and hilarious. He’ll make inappropriate jokes, use cheesy pickup lines, and always try to get you to laugh, all while genuinely admiring you.

G - Gifts:

He’s the kind of guy who gives you odd but meaningful gifts—think a grenade shaped like a heart or a plushie of his favorite X-Men. Wade’s gifts are usually a combination of thoughtful and utterly bizarre.

H - Hugs:

Hugging Wade is like getting tackled by a hyperactive puppy. He’s warm, a little overwhelming, and never lets go until you’re both out of breath from laughing.

I - Intimacy (Emotional):

While Wade puts up a tough, joking front, he’s deeply emotional underneath. He craves genuine connection and trusts you with his vulnerabilities, even if he hides them behind humor most of the time.

J - Jealousy:

Wade is surprisingly possessive when it comes to people he loves. His jealousy manifests in dramatic, humorous ways—he’ll start over-the-top rivalries with anyone he perceives as competition, but it’s all in good fun.

K - Kisses:

Kissing Wade is always an experience. He’s spontaneous, and his kisses can range from soft and sweet to passionate and wild. Sometimes he’ll sneak kisses mid-battle just because he can.

L - Lazy Days:

On lazy days, Wade loves binge-watching trashy TV shows, stuffing his face with snacks, and lying on the couch in a cuddle pile with you. It’s the rare quiet time that he cherishes more than he’d admit.

M - Mornings:

Wade is not a morning person. He’ll grumble, pull you back into bed, and try to convince you to stay in bed with him for "just five more minutes"—which, in Wade time, could mean hours.

N - Nicknames:

He’ll come up with the most ridiculous and creative nicknames for you, often changing them daily. They’re always endearing, if not a little embarrassing in public.

O - Open:

Wade is an open book, often oversharing or giving you way more information than necessary. He has no filter, but it’s part of his charm. He doesn’t hide anything from you—emotionally or otherwise.

P - Protective:

Wade is fiercely protective of you, often to the point of going overboard. He’d take a bullet, sword, or bomb for you without a second thought, and he’ll do whatever it takes to keep you safe, even if he’s a little reckless about it.

Q - Quirks:

Everything about Wade is quirky. He talks to himself (and sometimes the audience), breaks the fourth wall constantly, and finds humor in the darkest situations. Being with him means embracing the chaos.

R - Romantic:

Wade is a hopeless romantic, though his idea of romance might include explosions or elaborate stunts. He genuinely tries to sweep you off your feet, even if his methods are unconventional.

S - Supportive:

He’s your biggest cheerleader, always encouraging you to follow your dreams and be the best version of yourself. Wade might joke around, but when it comes to your happiness, he’s completely sincere.

T - Trust:

Once you’ve earned Wade’s trust, he’s loyal to a fault. He doesn’t trust easily due to his past, but once he lets you in, he’s all in, trusting you with his life (and heart).

U - Understanding:

Despite his chaotic nature, Wade is surprisingly understanding and empathetic. He’s been through a lot, so he’s patient and supportive when it comes to your own struggles.

V - Vulnerable:

Wade hides his vulnerabilities with humor, but when he’s feeling particularly down, he’ll turn to you for comfort. In those rare moments, he’ll let his guard down completely and let you see the softer side of him.

W - Wild:

Wade is wild in every sense of the word. He’s unpredictable, daring, and always full of energy. Being with him means embracing the wild ride that comes with his lifestyle.

X - X-Factor:

Wade’s X-factor is his resilience. No matter how many times life knocks him down, he gets back up, and he always does it with a smile. His ability to keep going, no matter what, is one of the things that makes him truly remarkable.

Y - Yearning:

Wade is the kind of guy who craves love and connection, even if he acts like he’s fine on his own. Deep down, he’s always yearning for that special someone who truly understands him.

Z - Zany:

Everything Wade does is zany, off-the-wall, and unpredictable. You never know what he’ll say or do next, but that’s part of the fun of being with him.

NSFW Alphabet:

A - Aftercare:

Despite his usual chaotic demeanor, Wade is surprisingly sweet after sex. He’ll make sure you’re comfortable, might crack a joke to lighten the mood, and will offer cuddles or snacks if you’re up for it.

B - Body Part:

Wade loves everything about your body, but he’s particularly drawn to your butt. Expect cheeky (literally) comments and playful grabs whenever he’s nearby.

C - Cum:

Wade is pretty open about everything, including this. He finds it hilarious to make jokes about it during the moment, but he’s also surprisingly considerate about cleanup.

D - Dirty Talk:

Wade is all about dirty talk—expect a constant stream of filthy, outrageous, and sometimes downright hilarious comments during sex. He’s got no filter, and he’ll say whatever comes to his mind.

E - Experience:

Wade has been around and has definitely picked up some tricks along the way. He’s confident and adventurous in bed, always willing to try something new to keep things interesting.

F - Favorite Position:

He doesn’t have a favorite because he loves switching it up constantly. Whether it’s something classic or a more creative position, Wade’s all about variety and fun.

G - Goofy:

Sex with Wade is never boring—it’s always filled with laughter, jokes, and playful teasing. He doesn’t take anything too seriously, which makes everything feel relaxed and fun.

H - Hair:

Wade isn’t particular about body hair—he’s seen it all and doesn’t care much about appearances. He might joke about it, but he’s really into whatever makes you feel comfortable.

I - Intimacy (Physical):

Even though Wade’s usually joking around, he’s surprisingly attentive in bed. He’ll make sure you’re enjoying yourself and will do whatever it takes to please you, though he’ll do it with a playful twist.

J - Jack Off:

Wade is open about his masturbation habits and will probably make jokes about it at the most inappropriate times. He’s also not shy about letting you watch if you’re into that.

K - Kink:

Wade is open to just about anything and loves trying new things. Whether it’s role-playing, light bondage, or something a bit more extreme, he’s always down to experiment and see what works for both of you.

L - Location:

Anywhere and everywhere is fair game with Wade. He loves the thrill of spontaneous encounters, whether it’s in a bedroom, an alley, or somewhere completely unexpected.

M - Motivation:

Wade’s always ready to go, but what really gets him in the mood is seeing you happy and confident. He’s turned on by your excitement and loves knowing that he can make you feel good.

N - No:

While Wade’s open to almost anything, he’s respectful of boundaries. He’ll never push you to do something you’re uncomfortable with and is surprisingly understanding about your limits.

O - Oral:

Wade is a fan of giving and receiving oral, and he’s very enthusiastic about it. He loves the reactions he gets from you and will often tease or prolong the moment just to drive you wild.

P - Pace:

Wade’s pace is usually fast and playful, but he can slow down if the moment calls for it. He’s adaptable

Q - Quickies:

Wade loves quickies. The thrill of sneaking in a spontaneous moment of passion, especially in unexpected places, excites him. Whether it's before a mission or during a mundane task, he’s always up for some fast-paced fun.

R - Risk:

Wade is all about taking risks and loves the idea of getting caught (or not caring if you do). He’s adventurous and doesn’t shy away from more dangerous or thrilling locations for your escapades. That said, he’s still mindful of your boundaries and ensures you’re on board with any risky play.

S - Stamina:

Thanks to his healing factor, Wade has insane stamina. He can go for hours, multiple rounds, and still be ready for more. He’ll make it a point to match your energy, keeping things exciting and varied so neither of you ever gets bored.

T - Toys:

Wade is a big fan of incorporating toys into the mix. He loves experimenting with all sorts of gadgets and devices, and he’s not afraid to raid an adult store with you. Whether it’s vibrating toys, restraints, or something more exotic, he’s always eager to add a little extra spice to the fun.

U - Unusual:

Sex with Wade is rarely traditional. He’s into trying new, unusual things and finds excitement in the unexpected. Whether it’s an unconventional position, a strange location, or some absurd roleplay scenario, Wade thrives on making things weird (in the best way possible).

V - Volume:

Wade is loud during sex. He’s constantly cracking jokes, making exaggerated noises, or offering running commentary about what’s happening. He’s vocal in every sense—whether he’s giving praise, making dirty jokes, or just making you laugh, expect a lot of noise.

W - Wild:

Wade’s sexual appetite and style are wild, untamed, and always unpredictable. He’s game for almost anything and loves pushing the boundaries of what you’d expect in bed. His wild side keeps things exciting, making every experience feel new and exhilarating.

X - X-Ray:

Wade is completely open about his body, even with his scars and imperfections. He makes light of his appearance but always reassures you with humor and confidence that what matters is how he feels about you. He’s also obsessed with how much you enjoy his body and won’t hesitate to ask (or joke about) what parts of him you like best.

Y - Yearning:

Wade is deeply passionate and craves closeness. Beneath all his jokes, there’s an intense need for affection and physical connection. He’s always eager to be near you, whether it’s through playful teasing, affectionate touches, or full-on passion, and his yearning comes through in every intimate moment.

Z - Zzz:

After all the excitement, Wade is more likely to pass out from exhaustion than drift off peacefully. He’s always full of energy, so when he finally crashes, it’s sudden. You might find him snoring almost immediately after, tangled up with you in the aftermath of all the fun

[howlsofbloodhounds]

You know, I was thinking about ways Nightmare's henchmen could be taught to relax after they've been rescued (after all, none of them knows how to live without a mission, a directive, a grand purpose, or at least constant conflict, they need to learn) and my brain got stuck on the image of the Epic Sanses bringing these four murderers out mushroom picking.

Like, that would genuinely be a good first option, you gotta take it slow because, for anyone who's never been, mushrooms are LITTLE SHITS that hide from you. It also helps to learn to appreciate the little things, even those that don't have a use for you (it's just as fun trying to identify inedible mushrooms as it is the edible ones. Sometimes even more so because there are some truly cool poisonous little guys). And it won't feel entirely pointless because they're gonna have something to show all their hard work at the end of the day.

Also brought to you by the fact that there is a category of mushrooms (I know they're called Russole in Italian, dunno the name in English) which are all edible, but some of them are incredibly spicy (some people do still like them and use them in the place of chili pepper, but they're not generally pleasant to eat by themselves). And to distinguish between the basic one and the normal one, the only way is to try a little bit of the flesh of the mushroom.

And I'm thinking about Killer having grown so accustomed to pain that he tries one of the really spicy ones and is like "all good, it's normal". Delta tries it after him just to double check and immediately dies. He's convinced that Killer was trying to kill him with that. And he wasn't, but Killer lets him think that because it's funnier

This audio is basically how i picture every interaction between Delta and Stage 2 🙏. The widening pleased smile and all.

And i definitely think the idea of mushroom picking was probably Color’s idea—the old man yearns for nature and dirt lmao.

And Killer definitely would allow Delta to think he was trying to kill him or hurt him because the sadistic freak finds Delta’s pain and frustration and distrust amusing.

If they’re still at the height of their enemies arc he may even play around with the idea of letting Delta think he put some of those mushrooms in his food. (Did he really? Who knows.) but very conveniently Color’s meal didn’t have any.

And also for some reason, I just pictured Dust and Horror picking up a little basket of mushrooms and finding a convenient quite place to nap while Cross took this new mission assignment very very seriously and is now carrying multiple baskets.

{ @stellocchia }

[melverie]

I love Marchosias 🫶🫶

Oh wow, what a crazy coincidence, look who came to say hi!!

I still need to make a dedicated post for her but until then some random Maze lore because!!!!!!! Taking any & every chance I get to yap about her

She has discovered a spell that makes Solomon's cooking edible to some degree. Exclusively uses it to enable Solomon, and to lull unsuspecting people into a false sense of safety. Because while the effects of Solomon's magic is suppressed and not noticeableat first, it is still very much present. So if you eat too much, you still have to deal with the consequences <3

Back in the Celestial Realm her only friend was Raphael. She doesn't remember him anymore, but he remembers her and is glad she got to grow up happy

I have. Accidentally made her demon design very dragon coded. Considering how much I love dragons I guess that was unavoidbale, but my god do I feel silly about it in a way

Has a secret blackmail folder on the student body, and MC is her main source of intel on the brothers

She has two huge scars on her back where her angel wings used to be

Her childhood friends are Baal and Aym, two demons who also have a pact with Solomon (remember me mentioning I have two more vague concepts for OCs? Them <3). They're brothers with Baal being the older one. Depending on his mood, Aym is either aloof or impulsive and violent, though he is genuinely well-meaning (usually). Baal on the other hand seems incredibly charming and good-natured, to the point you don't even realize just how manipulating he actually is. Also Aym is part of the newspaper club while Baal has already graduated RAD, maybe..??

Like I said, I haven't settled on how I want them to be like exactly 😭 They love shape-shifting tho!! You'll see them tailing people as cats every once in a while

[brainddeadd]

Morning Glow

this was originally for jack so if you see jack's name, no you didnt

The night had been filled with laughter, late-night snacks, and a few rounds of Mario Kart. The two of you had been enjoying a weekend getaway with friends, but when everyone else had decided to crash on the couch, you and Trevor were left to share the only spare bed in the cozy cabin.

Trevor had thought it would be an easy situation—just two friends sleeping in the same bed. But as he lay there, staring up at the ceiling, he couldn’t help but feel the warmth of your presence beside him. The mattress creaked softly every time you shifted, the blankets rustling as you got comfortable.

At some point during the night, sleep took him, pulling him into a world where nothing mattered but the deep, peaceful slumber that enveloped him. It was in this dreamland that Trevor found himself unwittingly inching closer to you, until your faces were merely inches apart.

When he finally woke up, sunlight streamed through the window, illuminating your features and making them glow. You lay there, completely peaceful, your hair spilling over the pillow like a waterfall of soft curls. Trevor couldn’t comprehend how someone could look so beautiful while sleeping. His heart raced at the thought; it felt like an incredible privilege to see you like this.

Trevor's breath hitched as he studied your face, memorizing every detail—the way your lashes rested against your cheeks, the gentle rise and fall of your chest, and the hint of a smile playing on your lips as if you were dreaming of something sweet.

But then, just as he leaned in a little closer, the world came crashing back when you stirred, blinking awake and catching him in the act.

“Trev?” you murmured, voice still thick with sleep.

His eyes widened in shock, a jolt of panic surging through him as he scrambled to sit up, heart pounding in his chest. “I—uh, I wasn’t staring! I mean, not in a creepy way!”

You couldn’t help but giggle at his flustered expression, the way his cheeks turned a shade of red that was almost comical. “What were you doing then?” you teased, trying to mask the sleepiness in your voice with playful curiosity.

“Just… admiring the view?” Trevor stammered, scratching the back of his head awkwardly. His eyes darted away, refusing to meet yours as embarrassment flooded his system. “Uh, you look really pretty when you sleep, you know? I didn’t mean to stare.”

You raised an eyebrow, a smile creeping onto your lips as you rolled onto your side to face him. “You think I’m pretty?”

“Of course!” he blurted, suddenly more animated, his hands flying up in defense as if trying to protect himself from your gaze. “I mean, look at you! You could—uh, you could probably model or something!”

Your laughter filled the room, brightening the atmosphere as Trevor finally met your eyes, the initial shock fading. The air felt charged with an undeniable energy, and the morning light seemed to capture this fleeting moment perfectly.

“Thanks, Trev,” you said softly, your smile genuine. “I think you’re pretty handsome yourself.”

Trevor felt his heart race again, and this time it wasn’t just embarrassment. The two of you lingered in that moment, smiles shared and hearts racing, as the reality of your closeness settled in.

Maybe sharing a bed wasn’t such a bad idea after all.

Trevor could hardly believe you just called him handsome. The flattery swirled around in his mind like confetti, brightening his mood. But as he watched you smile, something else flickered within him—a mix of warmth and something deeper, an undeniable connection that made his heart pound harder.

“Do you, uh, want breakfast?” he offered, suddenly anxious to break the tension. “I mean, I can make pancakes or something. They’re not as good as what my mom makes, but they’re edible.”

You laughed again, a sound that sent butterflies flitting around in his stomach. “Pancakes sound great. I’ll even help,” you replied, sitting up fully now, the sheets slipping down your shoulders. Trevor's gaze momentarily lingered before he forced himself to look away.

“Okay, cool!” he said, a little too enthusiastically, scrambling out of bed. He quickly headed toward the kitchen, desperate to put some space between you and him to regain his composure. As he walked, he tried to shake off the butterflies and the lingering warmth of your presence.

In the kitchen, he rummaged through cabinets, gathering ingredients as the morning sunlight danced through the windows. He could hear you moving around behind him, and his heart raced as he felt your presence—your laughter, the light footsteps that followed him.

“You really didn’t have to get up so fast,” you teased, stepping into the kitchen. “I wasn’t going to bite you or anything.”

“Yeah, but you caught me staring like a total creep,” he admitted, grinning sheepishly as he mixed the batter. “I panicked!”

“Panicked? That’s cute,” you said, leaning against the counter. “I don’t think I’ve ever seen you panic before.”

Trevor shot you a playful glare, stirring the batter with more force than necessary. “You know, I’m usually pretty composed.”

“Right, right. Mr. Composure, the hockey star who can handle anything on the ice,” you said, rolling your eyes dramatically. “But when it comes to a pretty girl, you’re a total mess.”

His cheeks flushed, and he glanced at you, momentarily meeting your gaze. “Okay, maybe you’ve got a point there,” he conceded, a smile creeping onto his face. “But can you blame me? You woke up and caught me in a moment of weakness!”

You chuckled, and Trevor felt a surge of confidence. “Let’s see how good your pancake-making skills are, Mr. Composure,” you challenged, stepping closer to him. “I’ll be the judge of that.”

The two of you worked side by side, chatting and joking as Trevor flipped pancakes, trying not to let his nerves get the best of him. You reached over to steal a piece of batter off the edge of the bowl, and he swatted your hand playfully.

“Hey! No cheating!” he said, laughter lacing his voice.

“Come on, it’s a taste test!” you insisted, sticking out your bottom lip in a mock pout.

Trevor couldn’t resist. He leaned closer, wiping a smear of batter off your cheek with his thumb. “Just a little bit messy, aren’t you?” he teased, his voice softer now, the air around you thickening with unspoken words. Bringing his thumb up to his lips, he licked the batter away.

You blinked at him, your breath hitching at the sudden intimacy. The moment hung between you, charged and electric, but just as quickly as it came, it slipped away as the pancakes began to sizzle in the pan.

“Right, the pancakes,” Trevor said, breaking the tension and turning back to the stove, his heart racing.

You watched him for a moment, a warm smile on your lips, and then moved to set the table. The easy banter continued, but beneath the surface, something was shifting.

After breakfast, the two of you lounged on the couch, full and content, the morning sun bathing the room in a golden glow. Trevor felt a sense of peace settle in as he leaned back, stealing glances at you as you scrolled through your phone, occasionally giggling at something you saw.

“Want to play a game?” you suggested, looking over at him, eyes sparkling.

“Sure, but I’ll warn you, I’m pretty competitive,” he said, leaning in closer, a teasing grin on his face.

“Bring it on, Zegras,” you challenged, determination gleaming in your eyes.

As you began to play, laughter filled the room, but every time your shoulders brushed or your eyes met, it felt like there was a shared secret lingering just beneath the surface. The more you played, the more you both realized that the connection was growing deeper, not just between friends, but potentially something more.

Hours passed, and the sun began to dip lower in the sky, casting long shadows across the cabin. Trevor felt the moment shifting, the playful energy evolving into something rich and uncharted.

“Hey, can I ask you something?” he said suddenly, his tone shifting.

“Of course,” you replied, your expression turning serious.

Trevor hesitated, biting his lip as he searched for the right words. “Do you think…do you think this weekend is just a fun getaway, or do you see it as something more?”

Your eyes widened slightly, and the air became thick with anticipation. “I’ve been thinking about that too,” you admitted softly, looking down at your hands. “I mean, I really enjoy being with you, Trev. It’s easy and fun, but…”

“But?” he pressed gently.

“But I don’t want to ruin our friendship if it doesn’t work out,” you admitted, meeting his gaze again, vulnerability dancing in your eyes.

Trevor's heart raced. “I get it. But I can’t help feeling there’s something special between us. Something worth exploring,” he said, taking a breath to steady himself. “We could take things slow. See where it goes?”

You smiled, relief washing over you. “I’d like that.”

With that unspoken agreement hanging in the air, the tension shifted once more, transforming into something full of hope and possibility.

As the sun dipped below the horizon, painting the sky with hues of orange and pink, Trevor leaned back, feeling a mix of excitement and contentment. No matter what happened next, he knew he wanted to be by your side.

[totallyboatless]

It is time, friends, for another Pip's Weed Essay game. The rules: I'm about to take an edible and start writing a mini-essay in one sitting. I edit a tiny bit as I go, but for the most part this is on the fly. I've thought about this topic a lot, but haven't outlined it. I'll let you know when the edible hits, but there's a chance you'll realize it before I do. (PIRATE FRIENDS STICK AROUND - this is Pip from the future, I get pretty high in this, but anyway I'm here to tell you that this goes in a very unintended OFMD direction that i'm still reeling from. Anyway back to Past Pip)

Edible ingestion commencing, time: 7:37pm Mountain Time

I polled my followers for the topic, so today we're going to talk about:

Fixing the Puck Problem

I've read and seen A Midsummer Night's Dream more than any other Shakespeare play. At this point I don't know if I've seen it so much because it's my favorite, or enough opportunities for me to see it have lined up that it's become my favorite by default. It's easily the Shakespeare play I know best. I haven't seen a staging that I fully disliked, but there are two elements of this show that I feel like are rarely handled the way I want them to be.

Problem one:

Puck will never be as funny as Bottom

It's common to consider Puck to be the main character of A Midsummer Night's Dream. He's at the very least the most famous character in the play. Puck is a dream role, and obviously with his being a fairy, he's usually directed to be weird and whimsical--and a lot of the time, playing for laughs. It makes sense, he's a trickster, it's built into his nature.

But in modern day, his lines and actions don't translate as well as Bottom's. In all of the times that I've seen A Midsummer Night's Dream, I've *never* seen a production where Bottom fails to steal the entire show away from Puck. I've had multiple experiences where I could feel the director wanting me to laugh at Puck; I could see the reasons for the direction, but it just wouldn't hit. In those same productions, I've laughed so hard at the Bottom scenes that I cried.

I'm thinking particularly of the 2010 production with Judy Dench reprising Titania (honestly still in shock over seeing that lolol) and the 2019 Bridge Theatre production (which you can find streaming, it's *incredible*).

In the 2010 show, the Puck actor kept doing what honestly felt like a Woody the Woodpecker impression lol. He would pause for laughs and they just...wouldn't happen. Meanwhile, Bottom was set up with the kind of success that let him steal at least one scene from fucking Judy Dench.

In the 2019 Bridge Theatre production, I genuinely like the direction they gave Puck--he's a weird little twitchy Irish punk doing fucking aerial silk shit. But even with a unique vibe and a fun performance, it's still not enough to outshine Bottom.

Basically my thing is that I want to get to the end of A Midsummer Night's Dream and feel more connected to Puck. I *want* him to be my favorite. And there's just absolutely no way to make him my favorite if his core purpose is to be funny. Puck is supposed to be a larger-than-life being--the audience is never going to buy that when he's not even the largest character on the stage.

The second problem is smaller, and in fixing it there's also a fun chance to fix the Puck problem:

Problem two:

The audience usually doesn't understand why Titania and Oberon are fighting.

If you've gotten this far you're probably already a nerd who knows this, but gonna pose the question like I've done for other people I've seen the show with: Why are Titania and Oberon fighting? What's the core reason?

Bc you're a fucking nerd you probably yelled CHANGELING! Which yes, good for you, if I had become the Shakespeare professor I wanted to be but didn't have the money to become, you would be in my class and I would throw a snickers at you for a reward.

But the thing is, a *lot* of people who only know the play casually don't know. And most productions don't assist them in knowing.

Elaboration for non-nerds: Titania had a "and they were roommates" totally not at all lesbian relationship with a human women who was pregnant. The women dies in childbirth and Titania takes the child to raise, and she cherishes him more than anything, which is an extremely straight thing to do. In the play, the character is only referred to as the changeling. Oberon gets super jealous of this kid and wants to steal him away and make him join the Wild Hunt so that he can have Titania's full attention back, because he's got that issue creepy men get when they have kids and then are like "I'm jealous of my son because he's making it less likely for me to fuck my wife" and it's like "dude calm down with this projection of an Oedipal complex."

If you're not a coward and read Titania as in love with the changeling's mom, then Oberon's issues are maybe slightly less creepy, but like not really

So that's it really. Titania loves this kid of her sapphic lover that died. Oberon is jealous about it. He decides to play a trick on Titania both as a way to get revenge, and also as a distraction so he can steal the kid.

But the issue is that 1.) all of this is communicated in a long and kind of boring speech, and 2.) the changeling literally never has a line and also no stage directions

The 2010 production had a hot dude chained up and writhing on stage in a kind of hot dance snake movement thing when Titania talks about him, but most productions never even have an actor cast as the changeling. I was really shocked they didn't have anyone for the 2019 production, given how much I love most of the rest of their choices.

OKAY SO. We now have the two problems: Puck isn't the fan favorite even though he should be; and most people in the audience have no fucking idea about the changeling.

(THIS IS HIGH PIP FROM THE FUTURE I FORGOT SOMETHING VERY IMPORTANT TO THIS PROBLEM: If you do know about the changeling/follow along with that plot, it's *very* hard to root for Titania and Oberon when they reconcile. Which can be fun and cool and a little hot even maybe if you're going all dark, but thIS IS A PLAY ABOUT HORNY FAERIES HAVING A GOOD TIME so I won't be having that. I want this play to make me like that Titania forgives Oberon so easily. Okay Past Pip, take it away)

lol okay yeah weed friend has landed, I just wandered away for a minute with a desperate need to put taquitos in the air fryer. Time stamp: 8:16.

OKAY FOR REAL NOW LET'S GET INTO:

Pip's Most Ideal Staging of A Midsummer Night's Dream Which Fixes the Problems in Theory

The Staging:

First off I want the production to be in the middle of the literal woods where there's pretty lights in all the trees and people are sitting on blankets and have snacks and drinks and drugs and whatever they want, and the whole staging has the actors weaving through the audience. Not just theatre in the round, full immersion

I also want people to not fully know where the production is, just that it's on the outskirts of the forest, and then the actors emerge from the woods at a designated time and bring the audience to the secret stage section. And ideally this would be like a park on the outskirts of woods so that there would also be people there who wouldn't know what the fuck was going on. And ideally some of the fairy actors convince them to come along and the people go having no idea what they're about to get into. That's how A Midsummer Night's Dream is meant to be experienced in its purest form: with actors dressed as fairies trying to seduce unsuspecting strangers to follow them into the woods to an unknown location where they'll probably be offered drugs.

TAQUITO TIME

Taquitos acquired.

Puck's direction and motivation:

When Puck is first introduced, it's by a fairy called Peasblossom who's otherwise not a big part. Peasblossom lets the audience know who Puck/Robin Goodfellow is by basically going stan-mode and being like "holy shit you're famous." PB literally starts listing his greatest hits.

So picture with me: instead of an extremely fairy-like whimsical Puck, I want a Puck that wanders on-stage like a burnt-out rockstar. Cigarette in one hand, beer in another. Probably on a cocktail for faerie super magic mushrooms. Just fully numbed out. In this moment, Puck feels way more human than faerie--and I want the performance to be in a way where that feels off. To have it be communicated in manner and clothing, and the juxtaposition of PB recounting Puck's glory days, that Puck hasn't always been like this. This isn't a faerie trickster in his prime. This is a man who's lost all sense of fun and is going through the motions.

That's what happens, right, when you become just a little too famous?

Puck is the only one of the main characters who gets to the end of the show and is entirely alone.

(my favorite thing about being high is how *good* it makes food taste, these taquitos are not fancy but with the power of the devil's lettuce it's so good--oh my god I have Dr. Pepper)

(I'm back with the Dr. Pepper. I'm having fun, are you guys having fun? If you've made it this far i kiss u)

So Puck is alone at the end of the play while everyone else of import is either with their lover or with their theatre-kid-found-family. And it's largely because Puck lives between worlds. He's not powerful enough to be fey royalty; he's Oberon's right-hand man, but he's not Oberon's peer. But the lower fey court are also not his peers -- they treat him like a celebrity, he can't actually connect with them. He's not allowed to frolic and play with them anymore, not really.

With this interpretation and direction, we now have a Puck whose action in the plot can lead to a happy ending (keep with me), and whose existence isn't just to be quirky and whimsical for the audience. Instead it's a Puck with a motivation: he's lost all joy in his job, he's disconnected from him community, and Oberon only treats him like a fuckbuddy so he's sexually frustrated. (Oh right yeah I was supposed to write about how Puck is in love with Oberon. He is.) That's all fucking sad, bro! And you know from the Pip that traveled into the past that this play is fun and should be fun!

Now for the final part, where we put in the special ingredient to tie this particular Puck direction into the happy ending:

LET'S 👏 GET 👏 GAY 👏

Do you guys (gn) remember the changeling? It was like possibly an hour ago, the time-warp this particular edible always sets me on has fully set in. It's possible this essay is like 5k words long. It's also possible it's only 500 words long. I wish I was lying when I told you I don't know.

Anyway, the changeling. Let's make him a fuller character and let's give him to Puck wrapped up in a sexy, charming bow.

Picture this: The Changeling, from now on capitalized as a character, shown on stage in Titania's court. Locked up like a princess in a tower because Titania is desperate to protect him. And the Changeling is all *sigh and flutter big beautiful princess man eyes* because he wants to explore what's out there. Because he's a man who's grown up and been forced to live between two worlds. He's not fey royalty, he's not Titania's actual kid and she kind of honestly treats him more like a momento of her lesbian lover than an actual adopted kid. He can't be one of the fey court, because he's not fey, and also he's not allowed to frolic and play with them.

That should sound familiar to you if I did it right.

Puck and the Changeling, both feeling the same sort of empty spot. So let's smush them together.

Give the Changeling all of Peasblossom's lines. It makes more sense for a detail I left out before, too--Peasblossom doesn't recognize Puck they see him for the first few lines. Once they do they're all like "omg you're the dude that makes people horny for each other and also some other trickster things." They know all of Puck's stunts, but they don't know what he looks like? It's clearly an exposition device, but it's a weak one (sorry, Shakesy). He's the rockstar of the fey world. You'd have to be living under a rock or, I dunno, locked away like a beautiful man-princess --

(Okay you know where I'm going and I have to stop there because I'm cry laughing, I swear to you -- I swear to fucking god, guys, I wish I was joking -- I thought I was being cute and clever saying "man-princess". Not because of irony. IT'S BECAUSE I FORGOT THERE IS A WORD FOR A PRINCESS WHO IS A MAN AND THAT IS A PRINCE. Okay i should clearly wrap this up lol)

In this staging, the Changeling clearly doesn't want to be locked up. So...he finally finds a way to sneak out. He goes on a romp through the forest and that's when he runs into Puck (this is the scene where we first meet Puck). The Changeling wouldn't recognize Puck, though he's have heard of him. He probably loves stories because what the fuck else does he have to do, so he's asked the fairies to tell him about Puck's adventures over and over. Meanwhile, Puck wouldn't recognize the Changeling because Titania has been keeping him so under lock and key. It allows an opportunity for them to connect on more of a peer basis as they--

Holy fuck. Wait. Hold on. Is the Changeling Stede. Is Puck Ed. What the fuck. Did I write an AU on accident. I don't even like AUs very much (sorry AU writers it's not personal it's just not my thing).n ANYWAY sorry for the pirate aside. God this is properly off the rails now.

They like each other, you get it. And now Puck has someone he wants to impress. There's not a lot of opportunities to give the Changeling more lines, but that doesn't mean he can't appear on stage. He can stay with Puck (hiding from Oberon whenever he's there, leading to some good chances for physical comedy) and go on the nighttime adventure of his dreams.

This leads to a fun, unique choice: having Puck fuck up the love flower juice plan on purpose. So that he can show this hot dude following him around with wide enthusiastic eyes the kind of things he's capable of OH MY GOD THIS IS ED AND STEDE I SWEAR THIS IS NOT ON PURPOSE I AM JUST NOW SEEING THE PARALLEL

Okay we're nearly at the end I promise. We just have one more problem to solve: How are we supposed to root for Titania and Oberon to get together when Oberon literally publicly humiliates her and then steals her adopted son and forces him to join the Wild Hunt even tho Titania REALLY doesn't want him to? Well, the first one is easy, Titania and Oberon are so fucking kinky, and Oberon likes getting cucked (remember he's only jealous of the Changeling, never the lesbian).

The second one is also easy. Make it the Changeling's choice. Leaving Titania and joining Oberon's court means two things: He gets to be with Puck, and joining the Wild Hunt allows him to go on exciting adventures. If Titania saw that the Changeling wanted this with the staging that both Titania and Oberon look over and see Puck and the Changeling making out right after Titania's spell is broken. Then Oberon can jokingly delivers the line about having stolen the Changeling, realizing that the plan worked but in the most ridiculous way possible. And how could Titania not find joy in all of that?

It makes me so much more glad to see them get back together.

Puck's closing soliloquy is his most famous, but I like his last big monologue right before it better. There's a very important line he says that communicates an important shift within the context of his particular staging:

And we fairies, that do run

We.

Puck isn't a lonely, washed-up rockstar anymore. He's part of a "we." Not just the Changeling, but the other fairies, too. Puck and the Changeling act as bridges for each other, to be part of each other's worlds in a way that feels like a whole -- OH MY GOD IT IS ED AND STEDE

Puck being alone on stage isn't so sad anymore, after all that. Because Puck, who starts off the play with so little sense of belonging, now has so much to go back to.

And that's it, that's my ideal staging of this play. Honestly, I really, really want to direct it. I have no experience directing but I have the audacity to think I could do it lol. No resources, tho

OH ONE LAST THING HELENA NEEDS TO BE INTO PUP PLAY

also the lovers are all in a polycule, that's just a given, any other staging is cowardly

alright bbye

[exit]

final time stamp: 9:25 PM, not rereading, just hitting post. We die like Mercutio.

[ninyard]

kevin and jeremy for the headcanon game if you’re still doing it pls :)))

i did kevin already so here's my #2 babygirl jeremy,, i hate to call him a golden retriever but... if the shoe fits

realistic headcanon: he has adhd but can't be medicated because USC take drug testing seriously and his meds are banned by the NCAA and the ERC. he can take them when they're not in competition, but once the season starts, he has to come off them again. oh, he is Symptomatic. he has location tracker tag things on his keys, find my iphone is ALWAYS on, he's had more bank cards than years in his life, is a frequent victim of the ADHD tax on subscriptions he forgets to cancel. he always writes important things he has to remember on his hands and then washes his hands forgetting they're there. he forgets to pee if he's too focused on something. he has 100 abandoned hobbies (the yo-yo is his newest one). he talks too loud when hes excited. he has sensory issues. hes really smart but hates academics. talks to himself sometimes. (getting him mic'ed up during a game is a dream and a treat because of the things he says while talking to himself)

may not be realistic it is hilarious: he loves drugs on the off-season. he absolutely loves going clubbing and MDMA is his favourite. he'd also take half or a quarter of a pill just chilling with Laila and Cat and have a mini party just the three of them. he believes he is his best self when he is high on uppers. not a fan of coke because he doesn't feel like it does anything for him though, he doesn't smoke, but will take edibles. LOVES to paint/draw/make art when he's high. he's not quote unquote addicted, and is really good at pacing himself/saying no/knowing when to stop, but when he doesn't have to do drug tests for Exy? he's living his best life

heart-crushing and awful, but fun to inflict on friends: listen. at this point we understand my opinions on jeremy's past but. the reason why he doesn't swear is because his family/brother(s) used to swear at him so much as a kid that he just genuinely hates it. he hates the way it sounds coming out of his mouth. he doesn't like it, he doesn't think it's attractive, he just thinks swearing is unnecessary and actively chooses not to swear. (that doesn't mean he doesn't, but it's so rare that he does - if you ever, ever, ever hear jeremy knox swearing, then he is PISSED. he is livid. he is im-going-to-kill-a-man levels of angry. if you hear him swearing? run.)

unrealistic, but I will disregard canon about it because I reject canon reality and substitute my own: i feel like i haven't had enough time to live with jeremy knox to come up with incredibly niche canon disregarding hcs yet. probably kisses women when hes drunk. maybe he ties his shoes weird. needs glasses but refuses to get his eyes tested. doesn't have a gag reflex. actually hates the way he looks in red. i don't know!!!! ask me again once he's been living in my brain a little longer

[sirfrogsworth]

I love these videos from Amaury Guichon. He is a pastry chef who makes incredible sculptures out of edible materials—mostly chocolate.

But the way he makes his videos has always felt a bit disconcerting to me.

He goes from jump cut to jump cut and he always makes sure to have this giant smile during every action. He also has these very fluid, almost dance-like movements. And I kept trying to figure out why this bothered me.

And I finally figured it out.

His giant smile and fluid motions closely resemble The Gentlemen from Buffy the Vampire Slayer.

I still love his videos and think his creations are amazing. But I don't think his smile is genuine. It feels forced for the camera. And that is probably why it seems so... gentlemanly.

[raccoonsrummagerostrum]

Yautja vs Menstruation

Yautja x GN!reader 

Comfort, period comfort

Word count: >500 (i lost count 😓)

Warnings: reader on their period, menstruation, embarassment, period pain (let me know if I missed anything)

You were actually on top of your cycle this time. And as soon as it started you were ready. 

It also didn't hurt that your body gave you a warning the day before, when you sat on the couch and bawled your eyes out over a nature documentary. Much to the confusion of your yautja lover.

Speaking of your confused yautja lover. They threw open the bathroom door and marched in wearing their helmet. They had noticed that there was something different with you. They could smell that something was off, but they needed more data.

Their vision is not great without their hemet, but there was usually no need for it at your place. The helmet did a lot to supplement their bad eyesight and thus, today, it was necessary. 

They stepped closer to you, and you could hear them breathing in your scent, though not sure from where. You couldn't help but giggle a bit at their display.

Suddenly they pulled you in by your hips and held you tight against their chest. 

"Your bleeding." They stated bluntly, their voice dripping with concern. At that you blushed. You knew that periods were nothing to be embarrassed about and yet every time it got brought up you still got red in the cheeks. 

"Well," you started like a stalled engine, "it's actually... normal?"

The yautja tilted their head back and forth like a confused puppy. 

"Its part of the... human... reproductive system." You struggled getting the words out. And couldn't stop yourself from recalling painful middle school memories, and horrifying Steven King novels. 

But your yautja remained curious and worse, began to ask questions. But sure enough the more questions you answered, the less embarrassed you become. Something about their genuine curiosity was incredibly endearing. 

The press conference was cut short however, when a sharp pain twisted in your lower abdamine, causing you to double over and groan as your face contorted and you pressed your hand into your skin. 

The yautja, predictably leapt into action, but was left at a loss as to what to do. So all they could do was stand there and chuffel in worry. 

Gently grabbing their arm and rubbing your thumb against the bumpy skin, you looked up and smiled. You reassured your lover that you are, in fact, ok. And that you just need to lay down. 

Without warning they picked you up. 

With all the gentleness in the cosmos they laid you down on your bed and asked what you needed. The list was simple.

Hot water bottle (one that had a panda bear cover who you named Carrie)

Some edible cookie dough (the wonders of modern ooman science finally put to good use)

Your tens device (just in case the pain gets worse)

And most importantly:

The company of your lover

[the-pink-baphomet1861]

Some Alexia Ashford headcanons? I read you had the ask box open and I am always interested in the headcanons and opinions of hardcore Ashford fans.

Thanks for the ask! I have a lot of thoughts about her, lots and lots of thoughts. I an microwaving her in my brain.

Both she and Alfred were born on December 13, 1971

Despite being able to hide it better, she is just as much of a sadist as her brother and relishes the terror she can cause, it’s even something of a bonding activity between them

The extent of Alexander’s genetic manipulation is actually rather limited. He believed that because they were created from Veronica, they would inherit her supposedly superior skills and intelligence as well, with only Alexia displaying the characteristics he was looking for.

She cannot cook to save her life. She usually relies on servants to do it for her, and considers it beneath her. Even if she did, the results would probably be less than edible.

Alexia never really had any friends or peers growing up. She progressed so quickly through her education that she never had the time to form any relationships and the work environment at umbrella was competitive at best and outright hostile at worst, especially considering her age. The only people who have been with her throughout her life are her brother and her father. 

Despite this, Alexia can be rather sociable, or at least put up a front. She knows exactly what to say and how to say it in order to get what she wants from others, but if it doesn’t work, then she has no problem switching to viciously insulting them in an attempt to force them to do what she wants.

Her relationship with her father was distant, he taught her and her brother sometimes, gave them his expectations, but he otherwise just observed from afar, only congratulating her on her studies and otherwise hardly talking to them otherwise, with the exception of expensive gifts for her, which mostly consisted of dolls and research equipment. Alexia doesn’t care much for the dolls, and usually just gives them to Alfred, who adores them, but she is glad for the research equipment, as it helps with her studies most of the time.

With the only other constants in her life being her distant father and exhausting studies, her devoted brother, Alfred, is something that brings her great joy. He always plays with her when she has a break and supports her whenever she needs it. Alexia cares very deeply about her twin, probably the only person that truly genuinely cares for unconditionally, but it’s still not an equal relationship. At best, she sees him as a fun pet that does what she says when she says it and at worst as a cherished toy, an object that she can play around with. Even though it’s unconditional, it’s still an unequal and toxic relationship where Alexia is the sole focus and Alfred is a devoted yes man for everything she thinks, does, or says.

She did most of her university learning remotely from the Antarctic base, sending in essays through letters and discussing with teachers through phone calls. This was done partially to keep her safe from the possible dangers of university life, but also so Alexander could keep a close eye on what she was researching.

Her obsession with ants started when one of the classes she was attending had an ant farm that was used for research, which she grew fascinated with. Once Alexia left the school, she requested an ant farm of her own in the Antarctic base, which she took care of herself and intensely studied, growing more and more fascinated the more she observed and learned, even writing her thesis on them. Alfred took care of it when she was away for school, but once she went into stasis and Alfred was placed on Rockfort, it slowly wasted away.

Once she graduated from university, Alexander wasted no time in putting her in charge of the Antarctic facility. She wasn’t a very good boss on account of her being incredibly forceful and strict and also being a literal child, but she did get results, and that was what mattered to umbrella and Alexander.

The discovery of their origins is what started her belief that she was destined to become queen of all life. She had always been self absorbed, but learning that she had been made in a lab is what caused it to spiral into a complete god complex.

Alexander might have been her first human subject, but she had already begun testing on lab mice as well as the ant colony and enormous plant that she commands after emerging from her pod. Most of the lab mice died, either from toxic compounds building up in their bodies or spontaneous combustion, but one did survive the mutations, and became the basis for her experiments on Alexander. The mouse eventually gained super intelligence and became DIJ.

Prior to her hibernation, she had to cut her hair and nails to an extremely low length to prevent them from growing to long as she slept, especially considering the extreme amount of chitin her body would be producing.

The T-veronica virus was what allowed her to survive the cryogenic process, which would normally be lethal, by producing heat that prevented her cells from freezing completely while it integrated into her genome.

She froze herself on her birthday, and would have been annoyed with Alfred’s tardiness had he not been dying at her feet.

She placed Alfred in the pod with the intent to revive him with the T-veronica virus, as he had yet to fully die. (I’ve even done a few drawings of my concept for what a T veronica infected Alfred would look like.)

The reason Alexia even bothers with capturing Steve and Claire is both because of revenge and because she believes she’s already won at this point and that nothing can stop her.

The enormous anthill beside her pod had multiple functions. The first was to store the growing veronica plant so she could control it in the future, and so that the veronica infected ants would slowly develop beside her. Once their development was complete, they would be capable of producing the same virus they were infected with, allowing her to infect the world.

The complete symbiosis with the T-veronica virus, especially due to the fact that it happened during what would normally have been puberty, has caused her to mutate to the point that she can no longer be considered human. In fact, her human guise is little more than a thin outer layer that can easily be burned away with little difficulty, and her internal anatomy is only human in the barest sense possible 

She experimented on Steve in order to test her own strain of virus and its controlling effects on another human and as revenge for his part in Alfred’s death, and intended on doing the same to Chris as further punishment for Claire. 

Her transition into her first form involves both the burning of the outer layer and the rapid growth of plantlike vines across her body, these vines are connected to her circulatory system and allow her to spew both flammable blood and toxins. In about a week, these growths will recede and the outer layer will begin to regrow, until in about a month, she will be able to pose as a human.

Alexia’s second and third form are much trickier, the second form is the result of both the destabilization of the virus and her own rage. Most of her lower body has swollen into a massive plantlike mass with three openings that spawn small malformed creatures, suggesting that most of the mass is likely her mutated womb. Her upper body can only be recognized as formerly human by her face and general shape, becoming something that more resembles a monstrous ant queen or dragonfly covered in plantlike growths. As this form sustains damage, it slowly begins to degrade both from the gunfire and the immense amount of energy it takes to spawn her creatures. Eventually, Alexia separates from her lower half and begins flying about, with a long tail connected to her abdomen that was most likely part of her spine. Her regenerative powers were far to active for just gunfire to take down, so the linear launcher was required to use enough energy to finally destroy her. She might have been able to revert back to her humanoid form, but that would be unlikely.

She has never once spoken to William Birkin and doesn’t even know he exists.

[aeroblossom]

'what do you like about aqua hoshino?' his father

you cannot be serious how is NO ONE talking about hikaru kamiki? i am so normal actually. i need to eat this man. why is he so girl dinner.

look me in the eye and tell me he didn't absolutely EAT that long coat with the fluff collar. and that dark smile. god he is Edible

and he's so MYSTERIOUS like you guys NEED TO TALK ABOUT HIM MORE PLEASE i'm so ?? like!

i just love love love child villains, the fact that he was a kid when this all happened complicates things so much that it's just so much fun to think about it. the first we hear about him is about what airi himekawa did to him (fun fact, i mistook him for melt at the time). and you can see how it affected him, being used and abused by a senior. whenever he shows up he's shown to be sly, cunning, with a smile on his face yet hiding something incredibly dark behind those eyes. what i love is that when he's brought up, even ai herself is implicated to have done something very, very wrong. implying it wasn't just him. and he was younger than her, too.

something implies to me that he wanted to prevent the birth of aqua and ruby, yet when he sees ruby he says she's as beautiful as ai, as if a proud father. but i think there's something twisted in that. he's not saying that out of a genuine emotion, probably. or he is. and he's just super… contradictory, in that way. characters in this franchise are very complex, i love it so much.

when akane felt his presence wash over her but it was really aqua, that moment genuinely creeped me out. like the foreshadowing before it actually made me think akane would die. and when it turned out to be aqua i had this weird feeling that it was really him, not aqua. but then i noticed that aqua is starting to look more and more like hikaru as his design changes. creepy.

i wonder why he and ai have the same eyes despite being unrelated to each other? but regardless, i just. love him so much. please i need to hear theories about him. everyone needs to pay attention to him please!!!