#genuinely I have a fucking canes problem

[lunchsimulator]

Dragged my younger sibling out late at night in the cold ass rain just to get some canes the other day

[fingertipsmp3]

I swear to god everything from the weather to my equipment to my neighbours to my own fucking body is conspiring to make sure I don’t get a good run this week

[hp-confessions]

really do hate how characters are being stripped of characteristics that make them interesting in the first place.

Remus ran away from his problems, he was a coward, he never stood up for himself because he comes from a disadvantaged position. He can never be brave, my guy was grateful he was even allowed to go to hogwarts. That's also why he's so blindly loyal to Dumbldore, of course he feels indebted grateful towards him.

My Remus would never be this confident cocky Casanova guy people depict him as?? You guys know we can have conventionally unattractive characters right?? Not everyone has to be self assured, we have cocky Sirius and James already.

Literally where are the fics where he's so scarred he's ugly, has a bad leg, uses a cane, has chronic pains???

he wanted to break away from the past and yet he's simultaneously attached to it as well. He literally can't move on (not reporting Sirius' animagus form??) but makes no moves to get closer with Harry.

REMUS IS A LOSER AND WE LOVE HIM FOR THAT.

Like he's clearly a complicated character and literally everything that makes him interesting is taken away to put him in this macho daddy role.

How do y'all say you guys like this fanon version of Remus when canon Remus was so much more interesting?? Do you guys even like Remus??

You can have your headcanons where Sirius is dressed up in skirts, wearing make up, I don't mind gender something Sirius! (It fits his whole rebel thing for me) But when he's wearing anything that literally isn't punk or goth, like stockings, shirts that "swallow him up", no. Or worse, if he's so short, so skinny and twinkified in order to push this submissive bottom agenda that some wolfstar tend to do, oh my god then I have a problem.

Why can no one ship them with equal heights if you don't like their canon height difference?? Do y'all not want tall Sirius black AND tall Remus lupin?? I DO GIVE ME EQUAL HEIGHTS. It genuinely freaks me out when one of them is ridiculously short.

I don't even care for the whole masculine tall dark handsome character that he canonically was but...to twinkify him..??? When he's probably the literal blueprint for fanon Remus now??

Sirius that is emotional, irrational, whiny, overdramatic?? Who?? Yeah it's fine when it's on occasion because it certainly does add flavor to his character plus comedic relief but lets not make that his whole personality? Where's the Sirius black that gave 0 fucks about everything!! "I wish it was a full moon", his reason for The Prank, his general idgaf attitude after escaping Azkaban!! Like he was a proper apathetic menace and y'all need to write him that way more.

And together, femboy sub Sirius x masc dom "the rational one" is the worst thing that happened to wolfstar, literally everything dimensional about it is gone and it's just...a regular mlm ship.

James sunshine potter. I fear I am guilty of liking James that's only ever nice to people but please. Make him cruel. Where's the guy that threatened lily, the guy that treated severes the way he did?

I'm all for sunshine potter but we don't have to erase the shitty things he did. The guy that kept being shitty because he knew he was getting away with it. It makes him interesting, how he is capable of such viciousness while being the sunshine character??

He even sees the world in black and white and yet he's so awful?? Like I genuinely can't understand this guy and it makes him beautiful.

If anything I should be seeing more Slytherin James but I barely see any of that?? Bro was cunning

Lily, and I know how much the fandom is protective over her but please fucking admit she's a character with flaws. Jily should've never happened because of James' cruelty towards Snape. Yet it did because Lily is a flawed character that got with his ex best friends bully.

Yes lily doesn't owe Severus shit after the mudblood incident but she can do that by...not defending him?? NOT getting with his friend??

James threatened her, SAed Snape, and she was there to witness this among several other things he did. She was Sev's best friend, she'd know personally how being bullied made him feel.

But one slur word and those years of friendship, the loyalty is thrown away and she gets with James Potter. Yes, girl boss, but she's also cruel. Make her capable of cruelty, no need to make a complete empath!!

Low-key, y'all need to give Snape fans an apology cause y'all out here making up stories that glorify fanon Regulus when Snape has canonically done more things for harry while serving cunt.

Like please, let's not forget that Snape is the exact opposite of being masculine too, he is very capable of being an actual LGBTQ icon whereas the mauraders are the furthest thing from that.

If you want LGBTQ icon mauraders, who canonically made fun of Snape for being less masculine, why the hell aren't you doing the same for Snape?? Why in the world is he being written as some creepy homophobic incel??

Also please give him credit, he's fucking funny. He took over for Remus, assigned students to think of ways of killing werewolves and made Remus mark them. He's PETTY, he did not let that Prank slide.

He's such a beautifully grey character, where his FANS don't even want to call him a good character or an evil one because he's that grey. And all of you stripped off the good parts of him and just made him a boring evil characters. Like bro, c'mon.

And regulus. He's literally just a mix Sirius and Snape. There's nothing badass or cunty about him?? Literally anyone can tell he takes after sirius or Snape.

If you want an original character, please reference canon. He's so much more tragic that way.

I don't care if he grew up abusive, was fed blood supremacist bullshit and believed it, groomed to take part in a cult only to realize violently afterwards that he didn't like it there. If I wanted to read about that id read the books and focus on Snape.

I don't care that he was petty, was a boss bitch, did badass things and gave 0 fucks about the people around because that's literally just Sirius.

He's tragic because he tried to be a hero and failed. he was always going to fail, he was always too naive, he was never going to amount to anything and that makes him tragic and much more interesting. He was on the path for reform and didn't have enough time.

It's like you guys switched up canon Severus and canon regulus, it's actually annoying, give these characters justice.

Everyone, mauraders, lily and Snape, all of them are so grey it actually hurts, and yet they keep getting pushed into these labeled boxes like what.

~

[mirrorball-leclerc]

the blue - part eight

series masterlist // previous // next

zendaya amelia grace holland be honest. how many songs ave you written about oscar?

amelia holland

sam holland the better question is how many songs have you written about fake scenarios in your head?

amelia holland oh that one's easy at least five. this month. i've got a really good one called i should hate you, i wrote that one with aaron.

tuwaine barrett DID CHARLES HELP PRODUCE THIS AGAIN??

amelia holland i think he almost shit himself when he found out aaron was also producing this one. tuwaine barrett CHAMELIA MY BELOVED! GET THIS MAN ON STAGE WITH TAYLOR FOR A SURPRISE SONG! amelia holland he's been on my ass about that to. did you team up with him or something? tuwaine barrett why? did he say someting?

harry holland speaking of charles, how's texas? is it fun?

amelia holland it's hot as fuck.

amelia holland you're in texas now? any plans on coming home?

amelia holland kinda promised oscar and lando that i'd stick around for the triple header. there's a week off in between vegas and brazil but lando's birthday is a few days before vegas and abu dhabi is the next weekend. so i'm not sure. might be home for a couple days at most.

harrison osterfield it's almost like oscar's career is monopolizing all of your time

sam holland for the record none of us have problem with it. this is the first time in a long time we've seen you happy. if traveling with oscar makes you happy, do it. harrison's being a dick, ignore him. but like also please come home for the holidays?

amelia holland is that his default setting? - danny ric

amelia holland sorry about that, the fake american took my phone.

amelia holland real american here, is that his default setting? - logan sargeant

amelia holland charles here! is that his default?

amelia holland this group is tragic. ours is much more fun - max

amelia holland I CAN FINALLY STOPPED BE CALLED NORIZZ BECAUSE CLEARLY THE SECOND STRING LOSER HAS LESS THAN ME! - LANDO

amelia holland i would never piss a songwriter off because you'll be branded as the second string loser for the rest of your life. - pierre

amelia holland i swear they’re normally house-trained - oscar

amelia holland he's lying - alex

tom holland YOU HAVE A GROUPCHAT WITH THEM??

amelia holland it's quite fun. murder is threatened at least 3 times a day and lestappen is in full force. it is no just for the camera, i genuinely think they're in love with each other

amelia holland yuki’s quite violent, in case anyone was wondering. he may be pocket sized but he holds a lot of rage

harry holland and who exactly is in this group chat and why haven’t we been invited?

amelia holland the twitch quartet, max, daniel, yukierre, estie bestie and his two husbands, twinkclaren, and me

harrison osterfield you call your boyfriend a twink?

amelia holland it’s a term of endearment - lando

amelia holland she calls lando a fucking weenie and she called someone a weird second string loser, so i’m okay with twink - oscar

amelia holland WE'RE KIDNAPPING AMELIA! WE'RE IN TEXAS BABY! - DANNY RIC

amelia holland SAVE US! - CHARLES & MAX

ameliaholland posted new stories

someone's super excited to be back in texas COTA! pre-quali look with oscaroo. he's not happy at the moment, says it's too hot to be in texas. i agree. :) logan said he knew a place and took us to cane's. clearly one of them is happy to be here.

ameliaholland the plans made it out of the group chat, so when in texas...

tagged: oscarpiastri, lilymhe, francesca.cgomes, alexandrasaintmleux, danielricciardo, landonorris, maxverstappen1, charles_leclerc, alex_albon, logansargeant, yukitsunoda, pierregasly, georgerussell63, estebanocon, mickschumacher, lancestroll

view all comments

tuwaine I HAVE NEVER WANTED TO BE IN TEXAS SO BAD

↳ ameliaholland you're missing out so bad tuwaine

tomholland2013 AMELIA GRACE HOLLAND YOU BETTER NOT BE DRINKING!

↳ ameliaholland i'm not? there's a heineken in my hand? it's non alcoholic.

↳ landonorris she literally had shots with max. she's a liar.

↳ ameliaholland shut the fuck up norizz.

username oh god, i've never wanted to be apart of a friend group this bad

username thank goodness someone put boots on the correct way. if i saw another picture or video of the drivers with their jeans tucked into their boots i would riot.

↳ username i hope daniel scolded them for doing so.

samholland1999 PUT SOME PANTS ON AMELIA!

↳ ameliaholland I AM WEARING PANTS! IT'S CALLED SHORTS DINGBAT! IT'S HOT IN TEXAS

username now this is a group i never thought i would see hanging out. at least not all of them together.

username this is so iconic of them wtf?

georgerussell63 i have never met someone who can out drink max, please join us the next time we go out.

↳ harryholland64 did not know my little sister can out drink max verstappen but i'm somehow proud?

↳ username this just in, something max verstappen is not good at doing, out drinking amelia holland.

lilymhe we have to do this again!

↳ francesca.cgomes we do!

↳ alexandrasaintmleux oh, we should

↳ ameliaholland give me a time a place and i'll be there!

↳ carmenmundt count me in too! i would love to meet amelia.

↳ username icons meeting other icons, love to see it.

finish the lyrics with lando norris and oscar piastri

comments

user we were robbed of cowboy oscar!

user lando and the holland brothers being the captains of the oscar x amelia ship is so funny to me

user but who did lando call a dick and why?

↳ user probably harrison, if the context clues we've been provided are anything to go by.

↳ user lando has been their biggest defender since day 1 and i stand by that

user was i the only one who caught that brocedes reference?

↳ user lando knew what he was doing making that joke.

user lando casually wanted to remind everyone that oscar's brother-in-law is spider-man.

↳ user had to quickly flex on spidey's biggest fan, estie.

user and to think this whole joke started because of a taylor song.

user HE CALLED HIM A MUPPET!! THIS IS MONUMENTAL!

user lando is oscar and amelia's biggest defender, you can't change my mind.

↳ user it's oscmelia girl, get it right.

↳ user you're right my bad, terribly sorry.

harrison osterfield i don't exactly appreciate your friend and boyfriend calling me a dick online.

amelia holland and i didn't appreciate being strung along for almost 2 years...

sam holland HOW LONG?

tom holland but he was with his ex for almost a year?

tuwaine barrett oh damn

harry holland you have got to be fucking kidding me harrison.

zendaya never trust blonde men with blue eyes

amelia holland what about max and logan? zendaya never trust blonde men with blue eyes whose name starts with an h or a j. those two you can trust.

tom holland by the way how's oscar doing? we watched the race.

amelia holland a bit bummed about the dnf but that's the way things go in this sport. besides it's not like it can get any worse than this.

TWO HOURS LATER

amelia holland HOW COULD I BE SO FUCKING WRONG?!

ameliaholland posted new stories

💋 i'm totally going to lose tonight... you're looking at the winner of the bowling tournament. it was luck really, but operation cheer up charles and oscar was a success.

taglist: @six-call @1nt3rnetgf @fernandoswarcrimes @skynel09 @arieltwvdtohamflash @Mimolovescookies @brekkers-whore @natcha888 @camdensreg @mycenterfold @woozarts @dear-fifi @tygecjjd @cataf1 @nothaqks @caipng @nataliambc @formulaal @lichterfee @prongsvault @kaa212 @anxxiousaries @julesbabey1 @julesbabey @georgeparisole @hobiismyhopeu @melissayalene @nikfigueiredo @bella-1 @nichmeddar @namgification @anniemae299

strikethrough means i couldn't tag you

¡leclerc-s speaks! just when you think he can't get any worse, he does! i have very strong opinions about texas, in case that wasn't obvious. texas was my breaking point + brazil, in case you couldn't tell who my favorite drivers were, you do now.

¡disclaimer! this is in no way making assumptions about the people involved in this story, this is all fake. it is a fanfiction please don't take any of what is said seriously. this is all for entertainment purposes and as a creative outlet for me. enjoy!

[colourstreakgryffin]

AHHHH CAN YOU PRETTY PLEASE DO IF REQUEST ARE OPEN A ALASTOR X A SMALL READER (SHINOBU READER BASICALLY) WHERE SHE INSECURE ABOUT HER SELF SINCE SHE SMALL

Yessss. Yesss. Yessss! Alastor is like, what, 6-7ft tall?! So, he got a small girlfriend and he loves that small girlfriend! The comfort will be good since Al will be able to finally realise that his jokes are harmful and take responsibility for them! So, let’s doooooo it~!

Alastor- Beauty From Within

“My dear” After so long of just rather comforting hollow silent, the alarming, almost screeching sound of a radio dialing up and halting slightly then the familiar transatlantic accent of your secret boyfriend rings out. As if materialises from thin air, Alastor just suddenly appears on your right, comfortable, fully-dressed with dressshoes on and his microphone-cane at the ready exactly where your faced as you both laid on your Hotel room’s bed

You were cuddled up in the blankets like a little butterfly cocoon, your mind racing and requiring some peace for the day but here is your boyfriend… here to ruin that need

Immediately jolting back in shock and a natural defensive instinct from being jumpscared by your partner without a single bit of warning, a classic Alastor move, you were flung off onto the soft carpet-lathered floor of the Hotel room. Unlike with most where Alastor would just smirk through the fall and find it amusing to see whoever fell harm themselves, Alastor blinks a bit more concerned and slightly leans over to check on you

“What the fuck, Al?!” You growl out, shaken and irriated when you gather back your wits and ability to think upon recovering from the fall as you go from half-flopped on your back and on the half-cushioned floor, to on your knees with an annoyed, dishearten expression on the floor

Alastor simply and smoothly leans over the edge of the bed where you are sat and his grin grows, curious and just a breath away from asking the million dollar question on his mind, drawing your discouraged and self-conscious darken gaze up to him

“Why aren’t you down in the Lobby, darling, Tora?”

You didn’t even want to answer him with the truth but when it comes to Alastor, it feels like it’s almost impossible to genuinely lie to him without him being able to sniff it out effortlessly. Should you even try? Well… you figure Alastor will notice that you’re not telling him your reality and just make it harder for you. That’s how Alastor is, he’s protective and he jumps right to the worst conclusion if you don’t open your mouth

Okay… here goes nothing

“It’s just… I needed some time alone. I don’t want to go out there and have everybody laugh at me”

Hearing this from his beloved little girlfriend makes Alastor’s ears jolt up in surprise, eyes widening and lips parting as he remains in place leant over the bed’s bottom edge but still on top as you lean against his soft cool darkly pale cheek like it’s a pillow, closing your own eyes whilst just letting out all your self esteem problems in just a few words. Alastor can recognise something’s very wrong and he is determined to find the cause

“Laugh at you? Who would laugh at you? You’re incredible, you’re intelligent, you’re ladylike and gentle, your personality is made of sugar and cream, your little butterfly features are gorgeous. What is there to mock? I don’t see a single thing” You couldn’t help but feel offended that Alastor is pretending he doesn’t know or is generally oblivious to what the problem is and how he regularly fuels the burning fire himself. A bigger clawed hand grips the pretty purple, white and aquamarine patterned butterfly ornament hairclip pinning your pitch dark hair into a thick bun, he loves that little butterfly accessory. It makes your adorable little look even more precious

You’re a beautiful fluttery butterfly within Hell, he can’t see why anybody in the Hotel would find you a laughing stock

“Alastor… just… stop” You softly bark, nothing to be rude or uncaring or harsh to your beloved but nothing to be firm, to have him take you seriously, to have him hear you out. Alastor immediately retracts his skilled fingers away from your hairclip, leaving it to stand out against your darker features effectively before he leans back slightly, upon you pulling yourself away from your boyfriend a bit roughly and climbing back up onto the bed to gather the quilts in your palms

Alastor takes a long moment or two to speak, his voice a bit heavy in a small but noticeable tint of rejection and heartbreak. He is now actually worried, worried that you are upset over the desire of wanting to break up with him. Alastor overreacts in this relationship and jumps to conclusions so at this very moment, the Radio Demon is internally begging that the next time you speak, you don’t say ‘it’s over’ in any fashion

“Darling… what’s wrong? You know you can talk to me about anything—“ Alastor didn’t even get the chance to finish and with other people, he’d be greatly annoyed at being cut off so rudely but with you, he cares more about what’s wrong with you than a gesture of respect, such as waiting to speak, so he stays quiet and listens to you, tall deer-like ears sitting up and flicking as a sign that his full attention is on you

“I-It’s… that. You and your friends often… y-you know, ridicule my height. Call me such mean names, call me shortstack, call me a midget, say I can fit into a box, say I am a weak little butterfly. It really hurts hearing that shit from you, of all people, Al”

Alastor didn’t even realise how insecure you are over your height. You’re 4’11, shorter than Vaggie and your beloved seven foot boyfriend loves to mock you about it, right in front of you and to the other Hotel inhabitants. He finds it amusing, he finds it funny, he views it as a joke and as harmless. But he isn’t aware that calling you ‘a caterpillar’ or ‘a baked bean’ just really kills your self-confidence. Yeah, you agreed with Alastor that you’d never show off that you’re dating him but does that mean you have to sit around and listen to him ‘joke’ about your height

“Leitora… I didn’t know you felt that way about my public nicknames for you. Why didn’t you just tell me to stop? I can easily shut Angel and Niffty up from all the remarks” Alastor wonders outloud, clearly now much softer, curious, if not regretful for his mountain of mistakes that lead to your distress. You’ve never seen Alastor feel remorse over anything he had done but here is he, desiring fully that he didn’t beat you up at your most vulnerable spot. He just didn’t know, he thought it was okay since you never brought it up with him. His crimson bloody eyes shine with a glittery gleam of concern and protectiveness

“I couldn’t, Al… everybody would be suspicious if you did something for me without any deal or some bullshit, and not do the same for anybody else when they ask” Alastor can seriously understand that, you’re just doing what you promised him. Not a say word about the relationship… but now, he almost wants to just give up on this covering up the truth nonsense so he can never deliberately, even if regretful, make fun of a factor about you you cannot control

Maybe… he should just suck it up, man up and admit the truth, even if it hurts his reputation. Hurting you hurts his undead soul a lot more

“It also doesn’t help that you’re basically a giant and next to you… I feel like I could be crushed any second and you wouldn’t even notice me. Are you sure you don’t… want a woman whose normal height. A lady you can actually kiss without needing to pick up?” You wouldn’t even mind if Alastor genuinely despised your height and preferred you to be taller. Every single second of you admitting how you feel you’re not good enough for Alastor breaks his undead black emptiness for a heart. He can’t stand that you think so low of yourself, all because of a physical factor you have no control over

He’s exactly 7’3 foot tall, he’s a mighty man with mighty legs and mighty towering length on him. He’s your guardian angel… or guardian demon, since he can oversee you and everything around you easily. You do like that he’s taller but you know it must be painful for him to deal with something two to three feet shorter than him

However, Alastor actually doesn’t want a different woman, he loves you and no matter what you have, he won’t stop loving you. So, Alastor, after taking a another needed moment to absorb the way clear tears hit your pretty delicate face, takes one of your hands and kissing the back of it, his returning voice cutting off the radio effect entirely to make this even more meaningful and sincere as his sharp crimson eyes draw open when he finishes the soft kiss to your hand, held in his in the most gentlemanly way possible, and his natural voice imbued with passionate love

“My dearest. A butterfly may be small but that insect species is a beautiful symbol of grace, elegance and life, you are quite the butterfly since it represents you so well. You may be a shorter woman but the best things come in small packages”

[queenofspades6]

Greatest Investment - Kaz Brekker x reader

Thawing Hearts

Part 2 of Greatest Investment

Summary: You escaped the Crow Club, and Kaz Brekker sent all his men to find you. Unfortunately, Pekka Rollins entered the game.

Warnings: Mentions of blood, violence, and rape.

A/N: Finally it’s here! I am sorry for the wait! I re-re-wrote it a lot before I was really satisfied with it. Fucking imposter syndrome! Between that and Tumblr that didn’t want me to post, and was considering my blog was new, everything was against it ahaha! I hope you’ll love it nonetheless! Enjoy! (I promise Part 3 Will be out sooner!)

———

Part 1

———

Coldness.

This is what you felt when you woke up.

Damn, where were you?

You suddenly remembered last evening’s events. Escaping the Crow Club, and trying to erase the picture of Kaz’s gloved hand on Inej’s shoulder. You had slept in the odd manor on an ancient and dirty mattress found during a heist with the Crows. It had not been near anything comfortable, but it had been enough.

It had been so hard to close your eyes. Pictures of Kaz and Inej haunting your dreams. How could it ever be the same? Once, Kaz had asked you to stay with him, you had stayed, and for what? What should you do now? You would have no problem finding contracts to earn money, shelter and food for days, but the Crows had gave you something invaluable… They had given you purpose.

You sighed. What now? You stood up from the mattress. You had slept without a blanket, and the night had been one of the coldest you had experienced. At least now, you had plenty of time to explore this sinister manor. And maybe find something interesting or valuable? You had nothing better to do after all. No purpose anymore.

———

”Has Y/N returned?“ Kaz asked Jesper eagerly, trying not to look too interested.

Kaz had been awake all night, leaning against his seat next to his desk. He had tried desperately to occupy his mind.

In vain.

Knowing you were alone out there made his blood running colder. You were capable of defending yourself and killing if necessary, he was aware of that, but his mind didn’t let him breath. The only thing he knew was that you were not here. Not anymore.

”No sign of her.” Jesper announced, his face full of genuine concern.

“She’ll come back, boss. Women always do. They need someone to warm their bed, after all.“ A dreg joked, trying to lighten the atmosphere of the room.

Kaz stared at the man with a killing look.

”Out.” He pronounced with the most restrain he had.

”Boss?”

“I said out! I don’t want to see you in my office again!” Kaz screamed in anger, almost throwing his cane at the man.

The Dreg didn’t wait, and escaped as fast as possible. Nobody wanted to anger Dirtyhand. Especially now, after his greatest assassin had fled somewhere.

Jesper gave Kaz a questioning glance.

“What was that all about?”

Kaz didn’t answer, but just rolled his eyes in response.

“Tell ten more men in whom you trust with your life to look for Y/N. I want discretion. Pekka doesn’t need to know.”

”Kaz.”

”No, Jesper, I don’t want to hear it.“ He replied, gesturing his Crow that he was dismissed.

“I’ll tell you nonetheless. Y/N will come back when she is ready. She won’t appreciate you sending Dregs to find her.“

“I don’t care.”

Jesper laughed, and put his hands on Kaz’s desk, ignoring the death glance of Dirtyhand.

”You do care! You’re here sending our men looking for an assassin that doesn’t want to be found! If you didn’t care, you would have moved on.“

“Nonsense.”

”You can’t let her go, admit it, Kaz.”

“Shut up, Jesper.”

Jesper had never seen his Boss so angry, but he couldn’t stop.

”You can’t let her go, and that drives you mad!”

“That’s enough!”

“Oh no, I still haven‘t tell you all my mind. Y/N is my friend-”

“Of course, I can’t let her go, she’s my greatest investment!“

“Fuck you and your investment, Kaz! That’s all lies. Y/N is my friend, she deserves more than being your tool. And you know the worst in that? You believe the lies you’re feeding yourself. She’s always been more. If not, why bribing each shop in Ketterdam for her, why tending to her wounds for days and months why you let others die?”

“I take great care in my investments.“

”Oh really? Then why make her waffles and tea every morning before the sun goes up?“

Kaz didn’t reply, but Jesper swore he had seen his lips move, and his eyes flinched in surprise. How could Jesper know of that, Kaz asked himself, one fist clenched, and the other gloved hand tightening his grip on the wooden desk.

”Out, Jesper.”

“You see, Kaz, the problem with you is that you don’t allow yourself to feel, and you expect others to do the same.”

Still no reply.

With a brand new confidence, Jesper carried on.

“But Y/N cares. I don’t know what she saw that made her flee, and I trust her judgement with my life, like all the Crows and Dregs, even you, but I can’t understand why she loves you, when it feels like torture.”

“What?“

“Fuck you Kaz Brekker, I am outta here!“ Jesper proclaimed, and left.

He had stood up for what he believed in.

Finally… and oddly, he felt good… and proud.

———

I can’t understand why she loves you, when it feels like torture.

”She loves me?” Kaz asked himself, removing his cloak with clumsiness.

The room felt too warm for him, and the fabric of his clothes burnt his skin. With trembling hands, he tried to remove his jacket. His gloved hands were preventing him from removing the fabric. He removed the gloves first as fast as possible, and sent them flying across the room. The feeling of burning skin, and sweaty hands didn’t leave him.

When he succeeded in removing his jacket, it fell at his feet, laying on the cold floor. Without a second thought, he unbuttoned his shirt, and sat finally on his chair. It was better, he thought, feeling the air on his skin, giving him goosebumps. He closed his eyes, and the first thing that came to his mind was your smile. And then he heard your laugh that echoed in all his office. He furrowed his brows, and put his hands on his ears. He wanted it to stop!

”Make it stop.“ He wanted to scream. He was the Bastard of the Barrel, Dirtyhand, Kaz fucking Brekker, and if he wanted something, it needed to be done!

But here, in the intimacy of his office, he was just Kaz Rietveld. The small boy he thought he had killed for good. That little boy that had believed there was goodness in this horrible world. The one that had believed of a life with his brother, the one that had dreamed of a home…

Kaz felt something flowing on his cheek, something liquid, and small. He touched his cheek and felt tears running on his left cheek. He stared at the door, hoping it was closed, and began to wipe his tears. One tear ran down his right cheek, he tried to wipe it, but another one escaped from his eye. He swore and finally let go after all these years.

Tears were running along his cheeks and chin.

He could restrain his feelings, pretend he didn’t care all he wanted, he knew it was a magician’s trick, just a risky gamble, a masquerade… because after all, even if he was wiping his tears with his hands, there were still proof that he felt, proof that he cared. Proof Kaz Rietveld was not dead, and would never be.

Kaz Brekker let out a deep breath, trying to calm his breathing, and understood something. That wasn’t because he restrained his feelings that he didn’t feel. He could suppress what he felt all he wanted, the ache on his heart and the tears on his warm skin were still here.

He remembered Jordie’s face, his cockiness, and stubbornness. He remembered how naive they both were, as children should be, and thought that naivety was a weakness, but feeling may not be.

You were an assassin, the most famous and competent one, and you were all he wasn’t, you felt things deeply, were too sensitive and allowed yourself to feel. Did that made you weak? His mind answered for him.

No.

He had found you many things, but never weak.

Never.

How could he when he believed you were the strongest person he knew.

He began to button up his shirt with a new calculated meticulousness.

Why had you fled?

Only one thing came to his mind. You had seen his hand on Inej’s shoulder, the gloved hand that had felt Inej’s contact burning, but had stayed there nonetheless. You had watched how close him and Inej were, and now, he didn’t know how he felt.

He had summoned Inej in his office to discuss her departure to … to retrieve her brother.

Kaz had asked her to stay, because he was afraid. Scared that all his Crows would leave him if Inej was not there.

He had asked her to stay, and cared for her.

Will you stay if Inej was not here? He had let his feelings control him, even if he had not noticed when he had asked Inej to stay. It had been selfish, because if it had been his brother, Jordie, he would have crawled to him, he would have ran even with his limp. Yet he had asked Inej to stay, and he understood why she said she couldn’t. Not when there were chances of her brother being alive, not when she could find him, even if there were the slightest chance. It was not a wish for her but a need.

Y/N had saw everything, and she may have thought that he and Inej had… feelings for each other? He didn’t know what Y/N thought or why she had ran like she never wanted to see him again, but he knew he couldn’t let her go like that. Not without a fight, and fighting was what he did best.

Even if Kaz had hated the sound of every word Jesper had spoke, deep down Jesper had been right. For once, thought Kaz, and almost smiled.

How could he deserve the woman he loved?

”Loved”? Do I love her? Did I really let myself fall for her? He asked himself. But he already knew the answer.

Why would he make waffles every day for her then, and why would he buy Butterfly’s Heaven for her? He knew she had heard of the place, and couldn’t wait to get there. Little did she knew, the place was already hers.

Kaz Brekker didn’t know if he was ready to let himself feel, and be with Y/N? Would he ever be ready? How could someone care for him, when he was struggling with physical touch and feelings?

He took another deep breath, took his gloves on the floor and put them on. He felt better, but thought of how Y/N’s skin would feel on his fingers, and how Y/N’s lips would taste on his. Would he ever let her kiss him? He did not know.

Kaz would lie if he said that he never thought of Y/N’s skin, how her body would look without clothes on, how she would touch herself at night, and the little noises she would make at last…

How much would he pay to hear her like that? This is what he would call an investment. To pay to know everything about her, her past, her body, who she loved and who she hated, who she was and who she wanted to be.

Knock. Knock. Knock.

Kaz heard someone calling for him and knocking loudly on his office. He had been so caught on his daydream, that he had ignored the noises emanating from the Crow Club.

A Dreg with a concerned look entered the office, he was ready to break the news to Dirtyhand himself but, Jesper did it first.

“Kaz. It’s Y/N.“

He furrowed his brows in wonder, hoping the Dregs had found her, but guessing by Jesper’s expression, it was worst than that.

”She’s been kidnapped.”

An expression of horror crossed Kaz’s face, and then it was gone.

”Who?”

”Pekka Rollins.”

The Bastard of the Barrel nodded, acknowledging his opponent.

”Then he is a dead man.”

”Kaz, what are we going to do?”

“What we do best, Jesper. We fight for what belongs to us.”

————

Coldness welcomed you again. Not the same frigidity as this morning when you were alone, in an old mattress in the manor. When you thought of today, you hadn’t known you would end up tied closely to a chair, your left cheek on the freezing floor of a grim warehouse.

You could bear the coldness, the beating of what you had deduced were Pekka Rollins’men, but what you could not bear was the smell of blood. There was blood everywhere. Yours, and maybe somebody else’s. There was too much for it to only be yours.

Pekka’s men had taken a wicked pleasure in beating you, cutting the skin to draw blood. Pekka had let them, but had ordered to let you alive. Your blood had ran cold, when a man asked his boss if he could have you. He had began to let your shirt fall on your shoulders, and had caressed the space between your breasts.

”Not now. I want him to watch when you’ll take her.“ Pekka had replied ruthlessly.

The man had growled, had kissed your jaw, sucked the skin on your neck, and stroked your hair. You had wanted to vomit, but you had kept you chin high, and spit on the man when they had removed the tape over your mouth.

You hated how easy it had been for Pekka Rollins to kidnap you.

Pekka Rollins’ men had been watching the Crow Club closely, examining each move of the Crows with huge care. When he had seen you fleeing far from the Club and the Bastard of the Barrel, he had grinned and thanked the Gods for this opportunity. He had ordered his men to follow you right after. They had found you in the manor, and had waited for the morning to catch you. Pekka Rollins knew who you were and what you were capable of. He couldn’t take any risk, so he had made a special concoction. A sort of potion you threw in a room to paralyze and make the victim sleep. Pekka was aware that if you had been awake, he had practically no chance of catching you, that’s why he had planned it all along.

He threw the potion in your room, and when you realised what it was, you tried to run for the door, but it was closed. Your feet felt already numb, and you began to see things turning around you. Before you could say something, you fainted on the floor, one last thought for Kaz Brekker.

———

“I am glad you’re awake, Miss Y/N.”

Your eyes opened slowly, trying to adjust to the sudden light of the room. Pekka Rollins, a mischievous grin on his lips, was facing you. Gods knew how much you wanted to kill him.

You tried to speak, but you had tape burning the sensitive skin of your lips. You could feel the tightness of the ropes holding your hands and feet together closely.

“It’s not against you, Y/N. I don’t hold any grudge against you, in the contrary. But you see, dear assassin, you possess information of inestimable value, you are priceless.”

You began to move on your chair, trying to untie the ropes. If you could speak, you would have told Pekka to go fuck himself. How dare he?

”I know you’re one of Mister Kaz Brekker’s Crows. Too beautiful to be a crow, don’t you think?“ Pekka stroked a lock of hair that pearled on your face, and put it behind your ear. You felt his touch burning your skin.

”You see, Y/N, it’s not against you. I learnt that you were invaluable to the Bastard of the Barrel. I tried to recruit you multiple times, but you refused each time, remember?”

You groaned.

“I need to take care of Kaz Brekker first, and then I’ll see how you can be useful to the Dime Lions.”

”He’s here, Boss.“ A man left the shadow and appeared right behind Pekka.

“Good. Very good.”

You moved on the chair, trying to untie the ropes on your hands again. The chair fell on the floor, and you knew your face was even bloodier and bruised than before. At least, it helped untying the ropes.

“Want to speak, Y/N?”

Pekka removed the tape over your lips. It hurt so much.

”What do you want with him?” You questioned, tasting a metallic liquid between your lips.

”You see, Y/N, in the Barrel, power and revenge are the only things that matter, and your little friend believes he has them both. There can only be one King of the Barrel, and it won’t be this Bastard.“

”Kaz won’t come. He knows it’s a trap, you’re doomed.”

”Oh dear Y/N, yes, he knows it’s a trap, but for you, he’ll come.” Pekka murmured close to your face, while having his foot crushing your arm. You heard the bone break, and grimaced.

You swallowed a sob, and tried to breath.

”Kaz Brekker wants the world to know his limp is the weakness, but what is his real weakness? You think he has none, assassin, but what is the most precious thing he has in his possession? Gold? Jewellery? The Crow Club?“

You groaned louder, fighting the pain in your arm and declared:

“Fuck yourself, Pekka.“

He grinned, the kind of grin that says ‘I won’.

“You’re his greatest investment, Y/N, but I think there may be more behind that. If not why buy you Butterfly’s Heaven, this stupid place that had no strategic asset? I am convinced, Kaz Brekker will show, and if I am lucky, he cares more for you than he let on.“

What? Kaz bought you Butterfly’s Heaven? You felt a tear running on your cheek. How did he know you loved the place? It had only been a week since it had opened, and you had only told Wylan and Jesper. Jesper must have told him about your love for the butterflies’ sanctuary.

Damn, Kaz Brekker bought you the place. The only place in Ketterdam that could bring hope to people and children. You had dreamed of coming to this place since it had opened, and now, it’s yours. And Kaz Brekker swore he had no heart? This is what he calls heartless and ruthless? Buying a place that has no utility for him just for his assassin?

Another tear flowed.

“You didn’t know, did you?“

You swore you could hear the grin in Pekka Rollins’ words.

“Even better.” Pekka murmured to himself.

You heard footsteps, and saw Dime Lions gathering at Pekka Rollins’ side.

A Dime Lion told something to Pekka’s ear. You watched them carefully, examining their numbers and weapons.

”Here is the Bastard of the Barrel.“ Pekka announced, opening his arms to host Dirtyhand.

Someone put tape again over your lips, and you tried to bite him.

“This one bites!” A Dime Lion screamed.

The room was suddenly silent with footsteps. You watched the entrance of the warehouse, and saw a cane. A Crow Cane.

Kaz.

”Welcome Kaz Brekker!” Pekka declared, still smiling.

Kaz Brekker appeared on the doorway, all in black, a death glance in his eyes. He examined the room discreetly, and your eyes found his. His mouth gaped, and his eyes turned black. According to Kaz’s look, you were badly injured. Was this why you felt lighter?

Kaz took several steps towards Pekka, and stopped in the middle of the shed. His cane touched the floor in a loud thump making the wall tremble. Or was it your heart? Kaz Brekker was alone, but you swore you saw the Dime Lions shivering.

“Now, you’ll give me my assassin, or I’ll kill you all.”

His tone was murderous, cold and calculated. His eyes were set on you, and you felt suddenly envelopped by heat.

You smiled at Kaz Brekker, knowing undoubtly that he’ll kill them all.

———

Don’t forget to tell me what you thought about this chapter! It’s definitely gonna be a series, and every like, reblog and comment make me want to write more! Thank to you for reading this!

———

Taglist: @phoenix666stuff @coldheartedmar @myxticmoon @whos6claire @wonderland2425 @annisescapefromtheworld @fandomscompilation @angie-likes-to-read @notacluelessblonde00 @justsillylittlethings @noommoon69 @kiraflowersworld @sadpetalsstuff @littleshadow17 @kaz-mf-brekker @lotr350z @hermionesimp

———

If you liked this fanfic, you might like this one:

⬇️ ⬇️

[aguineapigcouldntdothis]

yesterday i was heading to class and i was hobbling my ass off with my cane bc its icy as fuck out. and i ended up in a conversation with this person bc i told them the entrance they were headed for was blocked. like a minute later she said "yeah i wanted to be sure you were ok" and kinda gestured toward my cane. and in my mind im thinking "ugh another person who thinks i cant do shit bc i walk with a cane". but then she rlly pleasantly surprised me and said that she knew it was hard to use a mobility aid in snow/ice. and i shouldn't have to be impressed with that but i rlly was?? not only did she not offer me help that i didnt ask for, they understood genuine struggles mobility aid users face on a daily basis.

anyway you dont have to know every single thing about mobility aid users. but try to at least learn a bit about a variety of aids. learn what some common problems are, what you can do to help, how to approach someone who is visibly struggling, and when it's best to leave someone alone. we do notice when people treat us like people instead of objects.

[repressionmd]

hilson drabble with prompts 19, 39, 50 and 68 (from this post) requested by the lovely @ferretwhomst !!! 758 words :) set post s7 finale!

prompts in order of appearance [wildcard] 39 - "That's a new low for you." 50 - "Aren't you happy to see me?" 19 - "Don't say another word." 68 - "Seems like you have to sleep here tonight."

Wilson trailed into his apartment, looking blankly around at the familiar, but cold, place he called home.

39 nights since House disappeared. Since all the rest of that stupid fallout, since Cuddy quit, since Wilson forced himself to hate the man he thought he loved.

It was a new low, really, and Wilson didn't have to try very hard to hate him at first. It was keeping up with it that hurt. It was walking through hallways ignoring the pitying looks as nurses saw his bandaged wrist, it was House's office being shut down and orthopaedics jumping at the opportunity. It was the gossip mill that seethed and grumbled and aired all their griefs as if any of it fucking mattered. Often, he didn't know how to feel, but anger was a good starting point.

He opened the fridge, ready to stare listlessly at leftovers and empty shelves before ordering takeaway, as was custom on these dreary nights. Instead, he blinked. Rubbed his eyes, thinking it must be some exhaustion-fueled hallucination. No, his fridge was genuinely fully stocked. The lowest shelf, on closer inspection, was stocked with labelled meals - pasta, rice, pie.

Everything sorted the way he liked it, too. And he knew that fucking handwriting.

"House!"

Wilson stared seething into the fridge and listened for mere moments before hearing the tap-tap of House's cane.

"Aren't you happy to see me?"

Wilson sighed. Shut the fridge, encasing the apartment in darkness (because he had gotten used to navigating without the lights on) and didn't turn around.

"Why- what are you doing here?"

"Was in the area. Figured I'd pop in."

"House, you're a fucking fugitive. You know if someone finds me with you - and you're not exactly inconspicuous with that cane!" He couldn't think clearly, his heart felt fit to burst with emotion.

"I know."

Now he turned around, walking straight to jab a finger into House's chest. "That's your problem! You know exactly what would fuck someone over, and you do it anyway, because you're a stupid, selfish bastard-"

He stopped himself, meeting House's hurt eyes. Thought about the food in the fridge. Took in what felt strange about his apartment - it was cleaner. House looked horrible, haunted in the streetlight drifting in through the window. Wilson heard his own breathing, ragged and fast, and heard House's - for the first time in 39 days.

"I-"

"Don't say anything." Wilson didn't want to say anything. Fuck, he knew exactly what he wanted to do. They stayed like that, Wilson's hand on House's chest, locked in eye contact more intense and searching than Wilson had ever participated in.

House broke the silence, voice low and barely above a whisper. "I'm just passing through. Got a- thing for tomorrow, but I don't have anywhere to stay tonight."

Wilson wanted to curse it all. Wanted to say Take me with you, wanted to march House down to the police station, wanted to cry and beg for the old times again. Instead, he stepped forward. House didn't move back.

He cried most of the way through their first kiss, and their second, and their third, and he laughed as House stumbled through the threshold of his bedroom, eyes restless and sick with wanting, and he held House so desperately at one point he knew he would leave bruises. If they only got one night, Wilson wasn't going to let House forget anytime soon. House didn't hold back either, kissing all over Wilson's bare skin, and it seemed they both had the same idea.

Wilson didn't know what time it was when the frenzy dimmed to a quiet afterglow. House's head by his neck, Wilson's hand on House's heart.

"Seems like you should probably sleep here tonight."

"Yeah, I doubt I'll even be able to walk after that." Then, after a beat, "Thank you."

Wilson didn't answer. Neither of them slept much, both silently taking in the night, till it turned to dawn and light filtered in, and Wilson counted down the minutes on his alarm clock he had retrieved at some point. He saw House staring at it too.

6am struck, and the magic had to end.

House stared up at the ceiling, still curled up against Wilson's chest.

"Do this again sometime?"

Wilson didn't meet House's gaze. Didn't answer, instead moving off the bed to have a shower. From the door, he said without looking at House, "If only we could."

When Wilson got out of the shower, House wasn't home. No point stifling sobs in an empty apartment.

[discofama]

A lot of thoughts on how Alastor stopped being my favourite character, just my personal opinion and preferences. Warning: this doesn't mean I hate his character!! I just don't like him that much

At the start, it was about attitude. I mean, we all watched the pilot, it feels like a genuine first episode for the series, so any changes were noticeable. Most were okay! But one that really made noise to me, as an Alastor fan, was the slight change of Alastor's personality.

For some reason, he became less energetic, moved less around the place, touched and handled people less... And I don't know how to explain this without sounding like a bigot, but he became affeminate (and sometimes almost even child-like) in the way he talked, expressed and moved. Now, I've got no problem with femenine male characters! It's just that Alastor wasn't like that in the pilot, and I really, really liked him that way. Affeminate, fruity villains are common and starting to feel very tiring for me, personally. In the pilot, he felt more like a man from a century ago, and now he's got a different way of being. That plus the higher voice tone plus lower radio effect plus removal of laugh tracks etc... I didn't like it. But it was mostly about the energy. Pilot Al was all over the place, was talkative, charismatic and seemed friendlier, but series Al kind of lost that, he became almost quiet...

About the design. A lot of people hate it, but I don't. I understood the criticism about the hair cut not matching his era, I didn't care because of all the other details about him that did, but many of those details have been lost. He's just lost that special feel the character had.

Then the deer ears. They're unique, I like them, how wouldn't I if I'm a literal furry. But if you combine that with all the other concepts Alastor carries, it's a little saturated. He's a deer demon and makes deer noises and stuff, but also a radio demon with a radio voice and a cane, but also a voodoo demon with living shadows and weird tentacles... You get me here, right?

Getting extremely personal here. I think it'd be cooler if his powers actually resembled something about deers or radios, but fucking tentacles? It's a lazy choice and I just don't feel like it fits him. A power with a similar function (if they needed it) that I think would look better instead, is growing from the ground huge tree branches that resembled anthlers. Or, I don't know, radio antennas that confused the enemies with annoying static. Just something else that at least tried to match the concepts he already had.

Moving on to storytelling...

I HATE when they tell us something instead of showing us. And they do that with Alastor several times, damaging that feel of danger around the character. I hate it. I can't stand it.

Perhaps it was on purpose, so he would be revealed as a fraud. But that twist would go WAY harder if they showed us. NO person telling his story, just a flashback without commentary that raised a lot of questions at a vital point of the plot or something. I can't comprehend the reason this series refuses to show the past without someone telling it. Sometimes it works well, sometimes it's annoying. But I feel that this series would GREATLY benefit from adopting a technique of storytelling similar to battle shonen (combined with the musical numbers obviously).

Now I'm not saying he's a fraud, i'm talking about the possible case of not being him the one behind the overlord massacre. If it WAS him, this storytelling problem is even worse. It minimizes the impact on the audience. It does not help to make the character seem dangerous. I swear to god, if the way they told us about his massacre was a two or three minutes flashback showing us his old radio show, where suddenly screams were heard coming from it and the news were spread in all of hell about the disappearance of several overlords...

It would have been SO. COOL.

[you-are-an-idiot-hah]

I feel ill and I'm not even allowed to stay home, this is absolutely horrid.

Vent below

My brother feels Ill and gets to stay home.

Granted he has a fever and I've just got a stomach ache, but still!! This is extremely annoying. Why do my pains get undermined, my chronic body pains, my constant stomach aches, my constant headaches get undermined

"oh take some ibuprofen or Tylenol"

That doesn't always help idiot, idk Abt you but I've got something going on with me physically like all the damn time.

But noooooo im just called old and made fun of 24/7, I'm getting tired of it

I'm told I can't have access to things that would help me ( ie ; Fucking Mobility aids ) because I'm too young to need those, or because i dont exercise enough, or because i don't do anything but lay around.

Which is actually all untrue, my knees give out but I'm constantly walking, constantly moving because my ADHD, and I only lay around after school and on weekends which is when I feel the most exhausted because I'm never allowed mental fucking breaks.

My hips constantly hurt too, which doesn't fucking Help at all considering my knee problems

I at least think a cane would be helpful maybe.

Not to be a bitch, and I genuinely feel horrid for wanting to use mobility aids since I'm fucking failing to function normally because again, I've been told I don't need / deserve them so I feel like I don't because that's what others have told me but I genuinely can barely fucking Walk because my knees give out on me just standing or walking forward like 10+ times a day.

It's annoying, I'd like to be able to do things without being called old, or grandma, or without being made fun of because I fell because my knees stopped working on me for a moment.

Is that too much to ask for?

I feel so worthless and shitty rn, stupid period, stupid chest pain and stomach pain, stupid all of it. I just wanna stay home today, that's not too much to ask for is it? Jesus fuck.

[prince-rowan-of-the-forest]

Over The Rainbow (3/4) - Virgil

<- Previous | Next ->

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Notes:

Virgil makes an appearance!! Sorry this one took me so long - I genuinely just kept forgetting to post it like an idiot, lol. Hope you enjoy regardless <3 TW for ableism in this chapter.

----

“Alright actors! Gather up here before we begin warmups today,” Their director called out as the last person arrived in the theatre, “Tech, head backstage - you’ll just be continuing what you were doing last week - actors, yes, I have role assignments for everyone!”

A cheer went through the small crowd of collage students assembled, Roman included. He’d tried pretty hard on his audition! Patton and Logan had both helped him perfect it and everything!

“I’ll leave the sheet here for you all to look at and scripts for you to collect. Once you’ve gotten your role and your script I’d like you to spend this session going through the script and marking your cues, thank you.”

Roman was one of the first people to get to the front and check for his name. When he found it he groaned. 

“I’m the lion ?” Roman sighed, “The cowardly lion ??”

“At least you're not the tin man, babe,” Remy said, mockingly patting Roman on the back with his coffee cup. Roman rolled his eyes and moved over to grab a script. Oh well, it was a little disappointing, maybe he was a little disheartened by his role in their production of The Wizard of Oz, but… it would have to do. 

Roman found a quiet spot near the wings on the stage and sat down, beginning to look through his script and mark out his lines with his red gel pen as instructed. It was about ten minutes into the task that Roman began to hear the strains of an argument from the wings. 

“We needed the orange fur, not the green,” Someone snapped.

“Well you should’ve sent someone else then,” Someone else snapped back immediately, “Considering I can’t see either of those colours.”

“Or maybe you’re just being difficult!” The first person said, voice getting just a little louder, “Since you say you can’t do literally every task I give you! It’s like you just don’t want to fucking help at all!”

“Dude it’s not my fault I have a lot of soulmates,” The second person tried to defend, “And you keep giving me colour related tasks! Not to mention I’m literally disabled - I can’t do certain things, dude.”

“What so it’s my fault then?” The first person snapped, “We wouldn’t have this problem if you could just do it right.”

Roman frowned, how rude, he thought, people can't help their soulmate colours or their disabilities!

“I- I’m not saying it’s your fault ,” The second person said, sounding uneasy, “I’m just saying it’s not mine either.”

“Oh no, totally not your fault that you’re incompetent and lazy,” The first said and Roman nearly growled. Who the fuck thought it was okay to talk to someone like that? He stood up, glancing at the director and upon finding that she wasn’t looking hurried off the stage to find whoever was having this argument.

—

“Excuse me,” Roman said - it certainly wasn't hard to find them, considering the argument had evolved into whisper-yelling and finger pointing, a heap of green faux-fur piled between them. Both of them looked up at him and Roman almost immediately felt as though he’d been slapped across the face.

Violet eyes .

Man, Roman really hoped the one with purple eyes wasn’t the one who’d been being a dick. 

“Hey - uh, Roman, right? You’re an actor, did you need something?” Said the other person and Roman breathed a sigh of relief, thank god his soulmate wasn’t the asshole. 

“I heard arguing, I just wanted to see what was going on, is everything okay?” Roman asked, raising an eyebrow. Purple looked embarrassed as they leant on their cane, while the other bulked. 

“Nothing major , just Virgil failing to do what I ask again .”

“I couldn’t see the goddamn colour!” ‘Virgil’ yelled, kicking the fur on the ground and storming off, Roman sighed. 

He looked back up at the asshole, raising an eyebrow, “People can’t control what colours they can see, y’know.”

“He’s lying to get out of doing the work, no-one has yellow as a colour, nor orange,” The guy rolled his eyes, “You know how those people are.”

“Those people?” Roman repeated, frowning, “No, I don’t think I do, do you care to explain?”

“I mean, you know how lazy they can be?”

“Who?”

“ You know- come on man, don’t make me say it.” Asshole sighed. 

Roman raised an eyebrow, “I mean, maybe re-evalute your opinions if you can’t even say them out loud, maybe think about whether that's an okay mindset to have? And for the record, yeah, people can have orange as a soulmate colour.”

Without waiting for a response, Roman huffed and walked away after Virgil. Eventually Roman found them sitting in the costume closet, hunched over and tugging at their curly white hair. Roman took a deep breath and knocked on the open door before walking in.

“Hey, are you okay?” Roman asked, they looked up with a worried look in their eyes.

“I’m fine ,” They huffed, glaring at him before looking away, “I don’t need you to save me or whatever this is.”

Roman huffed in pure confusion for a second - what did that even mean? “I’m not- I wanted to make sure you were alright since you left and he was being a total dipshit? I also wanted to, y’know, say hi, since apparently we’re soulmates?”

“Yeah, I figured,” Virgil said, glaring at him. 

“Did you dye your hair yourself?” Roman asked, regardless of their clearly hostile attitude. Their hair was mostly white, but the ends were dyed a pastel purple.

“I- yeah,” Virgil said, raising an eyebrow at him, “Why?”

“Uh- I think it looks cool?” Roman tried, “I did mine too.”

“Nice,” Virgil huffed, “...thanks, by the way, he is a dick.”

“Yeah, I got that vibe,” Roman rolled his eyes, “I’m guessing that’s not the first time?”

“Nope,” Virgil said, popping the ‘p’.

Roman frowned, going over to sit down next to Virgil - far enough away that they weren’t touching, “Have you reported it?”

“Why bother when they’re not going to do anything about it?” Virgil asked, before huffing when Roman raised a confused eyebrow, “They never do. ”

“I’ll report it,” Roman said, “And I’ll make them do something about it, I can be quite stubborn, you know.”

Rolling their eyes, Virgil stood up again and went to leave before Roman jumped up to stop them, “Wait! We’re soulmates, right?”

“Well yeah,” Virgil glared at him.

“I’m guessing you don’t know any of the others?”

“No, I haven’t met anyone else, where is this going?” Virgil stuffed their hand in their pocket, “I need to get back to what I’m supposed to be doing before Toby has another tantrum.”

Roman sighed, “I know some of the others, Green and Blue, I wanted to give you my number so… maybe we can chat? No pressure or anything, just, I wondered.”

Groaning, Virgil pulled out his phone, fiddling with it for a few seconds before handing it to Roman, “There, put your number in, on the condition that you buy me coffee after theatre.”

“Can do!” Roman said, grinning as he typed his number into the box and handed the phone back, “I’m gonna go talk to the director now.”

“I’m not gonna be able to persuade you to leave it, am I?”

“Nope, unless you want my brother to come down here and probably murder him,” Roman shrugged, Virgil looked alarmed for a second, before sighing and shaking their head. 

—

“You found Purple?” Patton gasped, leaning into Logan’s side as he worked on some project. The three of them were sitting on Logan’s double bed, because he was lucky enough to have a private dorm room, “Why’d you not introduce us?”

“They seem really shy,” Roman sighed, “And super standoffish, I don’t want to overwhelm them.”

“That is very considerate,” Logan told him, “And surprising, considering how excited you and Patton seem to get about almost everything.”

Roman rolled his eyes, “ Yeah I’m excited! That’s why I came here to gush about them instead of dragging them over to meet both of you at once and possibly put them off of all of us forever!”

Shrugging, Logan turned back to his work, “Fair enough.”

“Oh oh! Tell me about them!” Patton gasped, flopping onto their front so that they could look up at Roman with wide eyes, cupping their chin in their hands as they waited. Roman chuckled.

“Well… they’re tall, with hair and skin as white as snow! Their hair falls in waves and fades into a lovely lilac at the ends!” Roman said - trying to put as much poetic emphasis on the words as he could - gestures included - before giggling, “Apparently they dyed it themself - um, they like sweet coffee - they ordered a caramel macchiato with extra cream after theater, they dress mostly in black, their style seems very interesting - an even mix of emo and scene…”

Roman kept talking, repeating just about everything he had learned about their fourth soulmate from the conversation they’d had over coffee after theatre. By the time he was done, Patton seemed entirely enamoured.

“What’s purple like?” Patton asked once Roman had finished talking.

“Roman just told us all about them, were you not listening?” Logan frowned, tilting his head. 

“No no! I mean, purple, the actual colour!” Patton corrected, “What’s the colour look like?”

“Oh, well it’s kinda like, blue, but if you put pink in it.” Roman shrugged, “So kinda a warmer blue.”

“Cool!” Patton grinned, before sighing dreamily, “I can’t wait to see it, and them, oh Roman when can we meet them?”

“I was actually thinking…” Roman said, frowning at his phone, “I’ll ask them too, but I was wondering if maybe it would be better to add them to our groupchat first before we all met? So they get a chance to get used to you guys?”

Patton gasped, eyes brightening, “That’s a wonderful idea!”

—

It was two weeks of near constant texting and the occasional phone call before Virgil finally told them they were comfortable meeting everyone in person. Patton had been overjoyed, barely able to sit still as Roman told them both that they’d be meeting Virgil at a cafe after the rehearsal that day. 

Logan had smiled - properly - and told them he was looking forward to it, Patton had practically pulled the both of them into a hug and squeezed them tightly until Roman could barely breathe.

—

Later on, Roman managed to persuade Virgil to come with him to meet their other soulmates, and the plan was in motion. 

“So… um… what should I expect?” Virgil asked as they walked beside Roman, one hand stuffed in their jacket pocket and the other gripping tightly to their cane. 

“Well - Patton will probably want to hug you,” Roman chuckled, “Which you can definitely say no to - they’ll ask.”

Virgil seemed to relax minutely as Roman said that, he sighed.

“You can leave at any point,” Roman reassured, “You don’t have to stick around if you’re overwhelmed.”

Rolling his eyes, Virgil pushed their tinted glasses up their nose, “Yeah yeah, you’ve only told me two hundred times, I’ll be fine.”

“Cool, cool, right,” Roman chuckles, “Sorry.”

“You seem nervous , Princey,” Virgil smirked at him, Roman scoffed.

“Nervous? Me? Never! I don’t know such a thing!” he protested, Virgil laughed.

“Yeah yeah, you’re very brave, it’s okay,” Virgil patted him on his arm as they walked into the cafe, Roman rolled his eyes even as he held the door open. Virgil laughed, walking in before stopping in his tracks as his breath hitched and his eyes widened. 

“Woah,” Virgil whispered, “so much colour - this cafe is blue ?”

Roman chuckled, “Mhm!”

“Hey!” Patton called, waving widely from across the cafe, “Come on! Come sit! Hi!”

“Come on,” Roman said to Virgil, leading the way through the crowd over to the table in the back where Patton and Logan already sat with both Roman and Virgil’s coffee orders already on the table along with their own. Patton was so far out of their seat with excitement that they were almost standing whilst Logan was quietly telling them to calm down.

“Hello,” Virgil said as he sat down in the nearest chair, placing their cane to lean on the table, “Um, nice to properly meet you guys?”

----

Tags: @full-of-roman-angst-trash @your-local-random-dino @cutebisexualmess @glacierruler @roseianxiety @bella-bugatti-frogetti-baguetti @scalesfeathersnfur @oatmeal-stans-the-trash-rat (if anyone wants to be added, let me know!)

| Next -> |

----

[incensuous]

this is so utterly random. i was scrolling on the hoyolab app (disgusting, i know) and i came across a post asking "why are there so many proshippers on this app?"

against my better judgment, i wanted to see what the comments said.

i was fucking FLOORED. honestly, i was under the impression being a proshipper (aka having common sense) was seen as problematic and niche, since the concept is so heavily misunderstood.

I ALMOST WEPT OUT OF JOY. almost all of the comments were from people WITH COMMON SENSE. pointing out the actual meaning, and how if someone understood it, they wouldn't have a problem with it. how no one should care what other people do with fictional characters and pixels, since none of it is real. how you should ignore it if you don't like it.

i still don't genuinely know how being a proshipper is perceived, because frankly, *leans on my cane* BACK IN MY DAY, we didn't need a fucking term for it (the same as, eastern fandom, i think) because it was just cOMMON SENSE. IF YOU DON'T LIKE SOMETHING, IGNORE IT!! IT'S NOT FOR YOU!!

it feels like i'm fucking wall-e finding that goddamn plant amongst the garbage

[vivi-the-goblin]

I hate that I have to carry my cane even on "good days" or over bearable distances because people will think I'm just faking it otherwise. Because I'm "too young for a cane." Yeah, it would be unusual for general old age to have done this. However, other things exist! I had scoliosis BEFORE that car wreck fucked up my heel, think of it as a tragedy if you must but we're here regardless! I'm perfectly fine with short distances most days, getting the mail or bringing in groceries. But that doesn't invalidate me needing a cane other days!

Oddly enough the only person in my apartment building who didn't really question my need, just offered genuine use advice since he figured I was new, was my landlord. When a fucking landlord has been one of the most empathetic people I've met about this there's a problem. (Also the weird he thought I was new tbh, I'd had a rolling chair and little prep table in my kitchen for the last like 6 inspections and he'd never questioned it. and a cane hanging up for years prior come to think of it.) Point is, just trust that other people know their body better than you. If you must, remember that they wouldn't be doing an inconvenient thing for no reason, I struggle to think of an aid that isn't some degree of annoying at times. It's none of your damn business unless I'm hitting you with it, which I grow more tempted by the more you question how I care for my own body. And yes, it is injury. I don't need a cane because I'm a little fat. Absolutely shocking how some people think the fatness caused the cane, not that having lowered mobility made me burn less calories. Though thankfully people usually feel silly once I point that out. Still doesn't fucking excuse acting like me having a belly is in any way their problem.

[loracarol]

I'm rewatching Good Omens again from the beginning and it fucks me up how from Aziraphale's POV, he has every reason to genuinely believe that Hell is objectively worse for Crowley than Heaven is for him* like

Crowley is the one that brings up doing the right thing or the wrong thing, and "demon could really get in trouble doing the right thing"

Crowley is the one who wants to protect children, and then is put in a position where he's supposed to actively murder them - he doesn't, but he's supposed to

His lot "doesn't send rude notes"

He gets dragged to hell for saving someone's life and then when he returns he's asking for (what Aziraphale believes to be) is a suicide pill

He's also got a cane at this time, though it's uncertain if that's a fashion choice or because he has lasting problems from hell.

It's hell that comes after them in WWII, and threatens them; while there is the chocolate box deleted scene, in canon the angels tend to generally ignore Aziraphale, and don't actually cotton onto his relationship w/ Crowley until the end of days

Notably, Gabriel isn't involved when the other archangels go to rough Aziraphale up. Put a pin in this.

The trial in hell is very showy; a random demon is killed just to prove the holy water works, wrong place/wrong time, it's public so everyone will watch Crowley be destroyed, multiple demons are there specifically to call him out, it comes across as very personal, and while Aziraphale knows that he also was almost killed, he doesn't realize it was personal the same way

So of course given the option to go to heaven, and to get Crowley out of hell's hands, of course he's going to want that! From his POV, Heaven is mostly hands off, except for the one time a bunch of archangels attacked him, and he'll be their boss - after all Gabriel wasn't there, it must have been rogue agents, and once after they stopped Armageddon which was a situation under extreme circumstances and again, he'll be taking over so they can just Not Do That Again.

*I'm not saying I agree with this assessment, just that I can 100% see where Aziraphale is coming from and I hate it

It's super fucked up and I really want a season 3 (with everyone paid appropriately and fairly!)

[cowlisthenics]

Mmk listening to the magnus archives for like the 8th time and I think I finally nailed down my top 5 characters

1. Jonathan Sims: I know it's cliche for your fav to be the main character, but sometimes things are popular because they're good. Genuinely, he is one of the most complex and well written main characters I've ever seen. The feigned intellectualism, the anxiety and fear that could never quiet quell his endless curiosity, the impulsive nature that conflicted so profoundly with the person he tried so hard to be, his unending desire for connection while also battling his own loss of humanity...it's good shit. He's a hypocrite. He's a sobbing mess. He creates so many of his own problems, and yet somehow is never fully in control his entire goddamn life. Love Jon. Best character ever

2. Gertrude Robinson: I like her bc she's actually the worst. She's just so actually terrible. I'm straight up in love with how much of a cold calculating bastard she is. Gertrude literally gave an embodiment of fear itself the middle finger and instead of leaving when she had the chance made it literally every single entity and avatar and unsuspecting victim's problem. Net good obsessed toxic yuri queen. Absolute menace. Has anyone ever done a kill count for her?? Cockroach crawling out of Chernobyl for the sole purpose of causing another ass woman. The most capable person in the entire goddamn show besides Annabel Cane. I'm actually convinced she Allowed Elias to kill her bc she had decided she was ready to retire. The horse that dragged the farmer and his shotgun out back and said "only chance, fool." I would trade my soul if it meant Jonny wrote even a miniseries on this woman's time as the archivist.

3. Helen: Girlboss gaslight gatekeep queen. She defo thinks the children yearn for the mines. The fakest mean girl in existence. Love how she gave Jon 87 different existential crisis and she just emerged the most fully realized avatar in existence. This woman enjoyed every single thing she caused. Was literally the backbone of the second half of the series. She carried literally everyone in her big ass arms. I was really waiting for her to say "I worked in real estate I was a monster before". Literally my favorite foil for Jonathan he wouldn't be nearly as interesting without Helen

4. Nikola fucking Orsinov: the most camp being. Gave zero fucks at any given time. Just terrorized the same goddamn person over the span of like weeks because it felt like it. Like yeah she needed skin for her ritual but she could have just taken it at any time!!! She just wanted to play with her food that bad!! Literally forced a skincare routine on a man so the leather made from it would be up to her standard. Neopronouns having transfemme based on an actually real person. Powermove of the century. Im genuinely so upset it died so early into the series bc seeing them just having the BEST time during the eyepocalypse would have been the funniest possible thing. Please imagine it for me. Please.

5. Micheal: This man. Ohmygod. Jesus Christ took notes on how to be properly betrayed from Micheal. The fact his identity was ripped out of him but his hatred and pain and need for revenge was so strong it tore the spiral apart. The fact they wore eachother like a fucking skinsuit and it was non consensual from the both of them. Just an all powerful entirety and the man Gertrude was willing to feed to it. Genuinely one of the most terrifying and disturbing parts of the entire series.

Notable runner ups-

Simon Fairchild: I really have a soft spot for the avatars that just love being freaks and this old man is so extra. He's so excited at the concept of making people sad. This freak of a guy says weeeee yippee while he makes people scream in terror. Marry poppins ass man defo gets out an umbrella when he jumps off buildings.

Jane Prentis: similar to Nikola she plays with her food in a really funny way and genuinely I always found her one of the only disturbing parts of the series. Her statement changed something inside me? Am I the only one that listened to that and Immediately Understood?? Terrifyingly relatable.

Martin Blackwood: obsessed with the fact he's the direct opposite of Jon. The sweet soft exterior that covers up a pessimistic asshole. The fact he has his fathers face and his mother always hated him for it hit WAY too close to home for him not to be included. Like goddamn just punch me in the throat I guess. As a victim of isolation torture his domain episode was far too relatable. Get out of my house.

Oliver banks: the most in his lane person in the entire series. Gave zero fucks at any given time. Cause of death on the wiki is listed as "Satellite impact (he got better)". I never did anything wrong I know and I love you meme. He killed all those people and I clapped.

Melanie King: I cried three times the entire series. Once with the last episode (as did we all), once with Martin when he burned the statements and Elias went for his ass, and Melanie's bullet scene. The anger felt safe, but in the end she still saw so much good in the world. Enough to gouge her own eyes out to retain her morals, enough to smuggle out people she found extremely annoying during the eyepocalypse. Her and Georgie were the real powercouple in my opinion. Love Jon and Martin but those two?? Scary capable. Extremely adorable.

Jonah Magnus: somehow extremely capable and the most cringe fail person in the show. Had every opportunity and buildup to be the big bad of the series but never really made the cut? Always falls a little short? Started the apocalypse and the entirety that he started it for threw him to the side the second it's special little boy came into view and it's just so funny. Lost my mind every time he had a statement that had to do with him bc it ALWAYS started with "I will never forget our nights together....was traumatized and thought of you 💕" people make slutty Tim jokes but Jonah. JONAH. he spent LIFETIMES on the grind. Divorced 64 times to the same man. Just took CONSTANT Ls but did it all with the ego of every academic concentrated in his constant supply of twink bodies.

[lily-janus]

Someone Like You - Chapter 4

Chapter 1 | chapter 2 | chapter 3 | next

Summary: the inevitable clush between the two ex-friends.

Pairings: roceit

Warnings: disability, public humiliation, painful history, angst. I think that's it but let me know if I missed anything.

Word count: 1,183

It's that time of the week again folks! And this time I bring you the first chapter that was written by me only! Hope you all enjoy^^ @prince-rowan-of-the-forest

"That's a terrible idea." Janus deadpanned as Roman finished telling him his next idea for their project.

It was a few days after he… after they toured the potential places of filming their little film.

"What? Why? We can't film it with just the both of us! We need a crew!" Roman protested.

"A different crew, then." Janus said stubbornly.

"Oh c'mon, what's wrong with my friends?" Roman folded his arms over his chest, waiting for Janus' answer.

"I… They don't know anything about film-making." Janus tried to come up with an excuse. Roman might treat him nicely for some unknown reason Janus is still trying to figure out, but that doesn't say anything about the rest of his friends. And.. of course there's um… There's Virgil.

So, obviously Janus can't work with them, he does not have the energy to deal with what that entailed.

"Yes they do! I promise, plus they're really nice and great people… Well, Logan can be a bit stiff but he does have a good heart." Roman continued insisting.

"Just… no, okay?" For fuck's sake that sounded so pathetic, what's wrong with him? Well… besides the obvious.

There was a beat of silence in which Janus could feel Roman's gaze studying him.

"What's your problem with my friends? You don't even know them. I promise they won't judge if that's what you're worried about." Roman said again, though much softer this time.

"I just… I prefer to avoid meeting new people." He settled on, eventually. Which was half truth, true, he hated meeting new people. But, unfortunately, Virgil is far from 'new people'.

"Ohhh I see." Roman said, and Janus let out a sigh of relief. "I'll help you then!" Roman said immediately after, dragging Janus away from the lockers before he processed what was happening.

"What? No! Roman! Let go of me!" He almost dropped his cane from the surprise-dragging, left leg aching as he struggled to keep up and free himself from Roman's grip.

Someone must have walked towards them in Janus' blindspot and bumped straight into him, making him lose his balance and fall painfully on his behind. He heard some faint chuckles and his cheeks burned in embarrassment.

He lost his cane during the fall and attempted to crawl towards it when he saw a hand in front of his face.

"Janus! Oh gosh I'm so sorry… Are you okay? Can I help y-" Roman said distressingly above him.

"I think…" Janus cut him off, "you've helped enough" he hissed at him, finally reaching his cane and using it to help him get back on his feet without Roman's help.

Roman looked down in shame, "right… sorry, I just thought you'll see him coming your way and-" he tried to explain himself but Janus was already walking away, trying to ignore the laughter that followed him.

"O-okay… see you after school for our project okay?!" He shouted over the rackous in the hallway but Janus didn't grace him with a response.

…

Despite not answering Roman about whether or not they'll be meeting after school, he still found him waiting for him outside of his last class. He would have loved to ignore him and go home but they still had a project to finish and he did not feel like failing this class.

Roman bit his lip, "listen, about earlier-"

"Just forget about it, what are we doing today?" Janus cut off his less-than-genuine-apology.

Roman sighed, seeming to have expected this reaction, "...if that's what you want… I thought we could work on our costumes today but…" he hesitated.

"But what?"

"Well, as much as I hate to admit it, Virgil is way better than me when it comes to sewing… but I know you two have a history so… I guess we'll do our best with my skills." He laughed awkwardly.

Janus huffed, "how bad can it be?"

"Um… sewing-my-hand-into-the-fabric kind of bad?"

Janus swore under his breath, heart aching in his chest as he realized there's not going to be any way around it. Life just keeps being oh so kind to him. "Fine… whatever, let's go to Virgil's and get this over with."

Roman smiled in relief, "oh good, I'm sure this won't be awkward at all!" Janus would have said that sentence with a lot more sarcasm but Roman seems to really mean it, ignorance is bliss I guess.

…

"Oh, Roman, what's up man?" Virgil said in surprise when he opened the door, "...and Janus… long time no see?" He rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly as he noticed his ex-friend at the doorway as well.

"I don't want to be here anymore than you want me here, trust me." Was all Janus said as he walked inside after Roman.

"...good to see you too." Virgil sighed, closing the door behind them. "Roman, what did we say about springing upon me human interaction without warning? Texting is not very complicated, you know." He said tiredly, leading them to his room.

"Sorry, Virge, it was kind of last minute and I forgot to notify you, we won't be long though, just need your help with our English project." Roman apologized, Janus staying silent beside him, trying his best to sink into the floor but not really succeeding.

"Oh, the Macbeth one? What do you need me for?" Virgil asked, walking to sit on his bed.

Janus tried readlly really hard to ignore the pinch of nostalgia this place brought, Virgil's room especially… he does not cherish those memories at all… in case you were wondering. He knows now it was all fake, Virgil was just his friend as long as he was his only option, once he got more, he was more than happy to ditch him for those…. Not that Janus cared, alone suited him just fine.

"...what do you think, Janus?"

He was suddenly aware of everyone's eyes on him and he realized he spaced out without noticing. "Um… it's great!" He hoped that fit with the question Roman asked him.

Roman and Virgil exchanged looks, "ah… we asked if it was okay if I measured you guys before I start working on Roman's designs? Are you okay?" Virgil said, frowning at him.

Janus huffed in annoyance, "like you care… and yes, fine, whatever, just make it quick."

Virgil rolled his eyes, "of course, wouldn't want to make you suffer in my company for more than necessary."

"Aw c'mon, Virge, he didn't mean that-"

"Yes, that'll be appreciated, thank you." Janus agreed.

"Janus!" Roman protested.

"I don't know what's your issue with me, I never ditched anyone to hang with the more popular kids the first chance I got. Virgil on the other hand…" Janus spat, watching Virgil's gaze turn downward.

"That's not what happened, and you know it." He said quietly.

Janus gripped his cane and turned to face the door, "keep telling yourself that." He opened the door and made to leave.

"Wait! What about-"

"I'll measure myself at home and send it to you, goodbye." And he walked away without another word.