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stevesbipanic · 2 years ago

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Lavendar Haze

Cross posted on ao3

Part 1 of my Midnights Collection, more to come to subscribe for updates on ao3 or just check here regularly! :))

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Meet me at midnight

Robin sees the familiar headlights pass behind her house, parking behind the big oak tree. She’s told Steve a hundred times that he could just come through the front door, but he says it’s more fun this way. She knew he was coming; he had called ahead, as he always does. Another nightmare, a year on from Starcourt and they can’t escape the horrors they witnessed there.

Steve climbs inside with the grace of a dork that’s done this before. He didn’t even change out of his sweatpants before coming over. Wordlessly, she lifts the blankets allowing him to slip in beside her, wrapping their arms around each other, relaxing in the knowledge that they were both safe.

Staring at the ceiling with you

Oh, you don't ever say too much

And you don't really read into

My melancholia

She knew Steve could tell she had had one too, he’s good at reading her these days. Neither of them wants to talk about it though, they’re awake and safe now. They’ve shared plenty of nights going over what happened, bringing it up doesn’t help anymore. Steve runs his fingers through her hair, soothing both of them. Comforting her without words is what he’s best at. He knows and that’s what matters.

I've been under scrutiny (yeah, oh yeah)

You handle it beautifully (yeah, oh yeah)

All this shit is new to me (yeah, oh yeah)

“I wish I could tell my parents what happened to us. I swear they look right through my mask some days, they know something is wrong and I’ll never be able to tell them.”

“I know Robbie, I guess that’s the one good thing about absent parents. Since 1983 all the people that have needed to know what happened to me were right beside me.”

Robin gives a sad smile at that, curling closer into Steve’s chest. She knew the Buckleys would adopt Steve if they could.

“We should talk about happier things, cheer ourselves up. How’s Eddie?” Robin said smirking at the now blushing boy.

“Eddie is fine, him and Wayne are all set up in the new house, we hung up his shiny new diploma this morning.”

“You two are so cute it’s gross, when are you going to tell him?”

“I don’t know if I should Robs, all this liking boys stuff is new to me and I don’t want him to think he’s an experiment or something.”

I feel a lavender haze creeping up on me

So real, I'm damned if I do give a damn what people say

No deal, the 1950s shit they want from me

I just wanna stay in that lavender haze

Helping Steve with his sexuality crisis a few months ago had been an experience. Robin only knew about gays and lesbians, the two of them had had to go to a hole-in-the-wall bookshop in Indianapolis to find a zine that would explain what Steve had been feeling. Robin didn’t know you could like both, since she never had.

Life was different than what her parents had grown up in. The world was changing, and there were new words to help young people like Steve come to terms with their identities. It had taken some explaining to Eddie, showing him the zine and other things, they’d collected. He seemed to understand, but she could also see how it might bring up some old trauma with Eddie who had been an “experiment” before.

All they keep asking me (all they keep asking me)

Is if I'm gonna be your bride

“Mom still thinks you’re my boyfriend. She wants to know if we’re getting married now that I’ve graduated. Her and Dad got hitched right out of high school, so I think they want the same for me, which is gross.”

The only kind of girl they see (the only kind of girl they see)

Is a one night or a wife

“My parents did the same. When I graduated they told me if I wasn’t going to go to college I might as well be useful and marry into a good family. Said I need to stop being childish with all the girls around town and grow up. I hadn’t even been going on many dates, King Steve was the dating kind, not me.”

I find it dizzying (yeah, oh yeah)

They're bringing up my history (yeah, oh yeah)

But you aren't even listening (yeah, oh yeah)

It all felt so overwhelming the expectations of society and parents and the world. For a moment though it did feel good that their biggest problem was parents and not flesh-eating monsters. Steve was still talking but Robin’s mind had started forming a plan to solve both of their problems.

I feel a lavender haze creeping up on me

So real, I'm damned if I do give a damn what people say

No deal, the 1950s shit they want from me

I just wanna stay in that lavender haze (ooh, ooh, whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa)

That lavender haze

“What if we get married?”

“What?”

“I love you, you love me. Let’s get married. No more stupid questions from my parents, you can say a big fuck you to yours since I doubt they see my family as a ‘good family’ and more importantly no more getting separated.”

It’s the one thing they hadn’t brought up since Spring. After carrying Eddie’s bleeding body out of the Upside Down and to the hospital, Steve had collapsed from blood loss. With no legal guardians or spouse around, no one was allowed to see him until he was stable, they weren’t even told what was going on. It had been the worst 24 hours of Robin’s life knowing nothing about what was happening with Steve, her best friend, her platonic soulmate.

“Fuck it, let’s get married.”

Talk your talk and go viral

I just need this love spiral

Get it off your chest

Get it off my desk (get it off my desk)

Talk your talk and go viral

I just need this love spiral

Get it off your chest

Get it off my desk

They started with telling the Buckley’s, Steve had slipped out the next morning to steal a good enough ring from his mother, she wouldn’t miss it anyway. Robin’s parents were thrilled of course. Next was telling Eddie and Nancy, which was interesting.

“You’re getting what?”

“Married Eds.”

“Why?”

“Cause we love each other and society sucks so.”

“Fair point but you’re definitely not together right?”

“No Eds, still platonic with a capital P, I haven’t become a girl over night and Robs is still very much a lesbian.”

“Ok I guess I can get behind this then, need a date to the wedding?”

“Are you asking me to my own wedding?”

“Sure am.”

“Thought you’d never ask.”

Nancy had been similar, wanting to make sure this is what they wanted and weren’t just being stupid.

“Oh no we’re very stupid still, Nance.”

“Yeah, this is just low on our stupid scale. Want to be my maid of honour since dingus can’t be?”

The kids were ecstatic.

“I knew you were together!”

“Dustin, you know Robin is a lesbian.”

“Oh right. Well can I be your best man?”

“Of course, kid, wouldn’t want anyone other than my brother.”

Hopper and Joyce had been happy at the news, claiming it would give everyone something good to celebrate.

I feel (I feel) a lavender haze creeping up on me

So real, I'm damned if I do give a damn what people say

No deal (no deal), the 1950s shit they want from me

I just wanna stay in that lavender haze

(Ooh, ooh, whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa)

The wedding was small and perfect. They held it in the woods behind Hopper’s cabin, just their small group of friends who were more like family. Robin wore a dark brown suit which had used to be Jonathan’s and Steve worse a white button down and let the girls put flowers in his hair. The wedding was very them, dumb vows like “you’ll always be my dingus,” and “I want to be your schmuck forever.” A perfect day.

Get it off your chest

Get it off my desk

That lavender haze

I just wanna stay

Years later when it was legal for them to marry their romantic partners, Steve and Robin stayed married. Their partners understood, Robin and Steve were soulmates and should never be apart. Brought together in trauma and staying together through love; there would be no more days when they didn’t know if the other were ok. As the world kept growing there would be new words for them but they didn’t need more labels, they knew what they were to each other and that’s all that mattered.

I just wanna stay

In that lavender haze

#stobin #platonic stobin #platonic with a capital p #platonic soulmates #steve harrignton #robin buckley #minor steddie #stranger things #stranger things s4 #my fic #ao3 #midnights #taylor swift #song fic #lavendar haze

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gatheringbones · 1 year ago

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["Being Called a Bulldike

After I entered the underground Gay bar culture, at the tender age of twenty-one, I could never forget the characters I met there, some of whom were me. The drag queens and faggots, the dikes and the bulldikes, the couples who called themselves butch and femme became a part of my definition of myself as a Gay person. I learned that a dyke was one way of being a Lesbian, and a bulldike was even more so.

Bulldike is the kind of work most women hope to avoid all their lives, for few things are more horrifying to be called, especially if a woman is walking alone in an anti-Gay and masculine-dominated street, surrounded by hostile bulks. Few words are as guaranteed to set off an explosion of fear in her belly as the word bulldike when it is used on a woman like a whip. Usually, heterosexual men wield this particular verbal lash. I remember being so jeered once by an entire four-story building-full of construction workers, at seven o'clock in the morning in New York City, which I had never before visited. A woman so confronted will either slink into a defensive posture, deny everything, and flee— or she will get mad, she will raise her head and swing her arms in a sudden, hell-with-you butchy swagger. And the minute she takes this last action, she may feel from the name-callers something more than ther utmost derision, their contempt, and theat to her person. She may also feel a grudginly granted hint of respect in the other anti-Lesbian or down-with-women words she may ever hear used against her.

For many years the mystery of the strange word bulldike has burbled and thickened in my mind, along with the milder dike. I called my first book of poetry Edward the Dyke in order to begin to defuse the terror have of the word, for it is considered as bad a word as cunt and more taboo to say out loud than lesbian or queer. And I used it to tie it to me, so I could never deny it; everywhere I go as a writer and performer, the word dyke goes with me. It is a lower-class word, not written into literature or the dictionary. It did not appear even in slang dictionaries until the 1940s, although a wonderful reference is made to it in the song "B-D Women Blues," recorded by Bessie Jackson in 1935. The Oxford English Dictionary lists bulldike, having taken it from an American Gay writer, John Rechy, who used it in City of Night in 1963. Only truly, obstinately honest and tough dikes use the word bulldike about themselves. Really nice girls of any sexual persuasion have never heard of it, and your nicer sort of boy thinks it means "prostitute" or "shady lady."

Bulldike (also spelled bulldyke), bulldiker, and bulldagger are also used somewhat interchangeably, and all of them loaded, taboo words. They are used, especially by lower-class, "straight" people, to describe a tough, brave, bold Lesbian who is considered "mannish" or "butchy" in her characteristics and mannerisms. The word does not apply as much to her Lesbianism, although this is always part of the definition, as it does to her toughness— her muscular physicality and aggressiveness, her free-striding manner. In the 1950s, underground bar dykes and fairies took the word and updated it from bulldike to dieseldike, applying it to women who seemed to them particularly butchy, the most butchy a woman could be and still not be passing as a man. This suggested to me that the word dates from a time when bulls were as everyday a part of the culture as trucks were to America in the fifties.

These particular Gay slang words sounded as though they stemmed from Old English, so I began searching English history for a historical people who once worshiped or otherwise valued bulls. I soon came across references to the Celtic people of ancient Europe and Britain, tribal people who had horned gods and goddesses and whose Druidic priesthood sacrificed bulls in sacred rituals. The Celts depicted cows and bulls more than any other animals in their art. I also noticed that in two Celtic dialects, cow was spelled bo (Irish) and buwch (Welsh).

At the same time I listened closely to my friend Sharon Isabell, to the special way she had of speaking. She had been a Lesbian all her life and has had plenty of experience in the Gay bar culture, where she was a bulldike with a leather jacket, motorcycle, everything. She still retained a particular Euro-American dialect. When she said "boa constrictor," she pronounced it "bull constrictor". Then I noticed two other people who are descendants of settlers from the British Isles and who still speak in the older manner. They each said "buadike" instead of "bulldike," making a soft "h" sound instead of an "l" sound. I asked them to repeat the word until they gave me funny looks; I was amazed and excited, realizing I was hearing remnants of older English dialects and being given an important clue in my seach for the meaning of bulldike."]

judy grahn, from another mother tongue: gay words, gay worlds, 1984

#transcribed #terra preta #wasteland radio

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moist-astronaut · 4 years ago

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things my friends and I have said over the last year

“I’m verbally illiterate” “Isn’t that called dyslexia”

“I’m going to chemistry and I’m gonna light myself on fire” “No” “Damnit let me burn like the witch I am!”

“Don’t worry it’s not anti-Christ it’s just anti-government”

“I’ve been getting migraines everyday and I’m considering chopping my head off” “But that would kill you” “Two birds one stone!!”

“I swear to god I will hug you” “My house is 5 miles away and my doors are locked” “Your locks are FEABLE”

*writing an email* “Bitch comma”

“Ok but I could be a top” *laughing* “What I totally could be!” *laughing and crying for literally 6 minutes straight*

*on a group call, friends cat misha walks into the room* “Tell misha I would live and die for her, whichever she prefers” “She says thank you” *cat noises*

*joins discord vioce chat at 11:26 pm* “You guys are gae but I love you” “Thank you saeren very cool” “Goodnight” *leaves chat at 11:28pm*

“Jake jake jake jjjake -j-jaaake hey jake” “W H A T” “Can I eat your pens” “I literally have a restraining order against you”

“I’m educatn’t”

“Me calling you to dumb to be a slytherin is payback for you leaving multiple handprint bruises on my legs” “It’s not my fault your skin is weak”

“He’s rolling so that we can walk” *rolling in the grass and collecting leaves on his jacket* “I’m rolling for your sins”

“There are 7 of us so we can each be a deadly sin” “I wanna be Ross” “You mean wrath?” “No that dude from Friends”

“Ok but other than his strict attraction to women, his multiple wives, his hatred of gay people, and the fact that he is dead, what is standing between me and Joseph Smith the All American Hottie from being happy together”

“Consider: Mullet” “No”

“I do my homework while loudly eating a pop tart asmr”

“No no listen, he’s my brother, he’s a bastard of my dynasty…I might just ransom him off”

“These Norwegian bastards indroduced a fucking PLUAGE to my COUNTRY”

“Ooooo meth”

“Half of my life is me resisting the urge to sing the zaboomafoo themesong, the other half is me actually singing the zaboomafoo themesong. So either way my entire life revolves around zaboomafoo.”

“I just don’t think I would hire a gay man-wait no I’m not homophobic”

*chucks half a gallon of milk in a gas station* “-ah- got milk?”

“Gimme your sternum boy”

“Nooooooo he stole my sternum!!!” (Side note these were two separate occasions)

*being force fed milk duds* “No!! This is the worst way to die!!”

“Hey babe come over I have a hammock and a heated blanket”

“Be afraid, be prepared- IN THE WORDS OF SCAR”

“Stress eating stress gummies Stress eating stress gummies Stress eating stress gummies stress eating-”

“I thought to myself ‘Y’know if I die today this is how I want to be remembered- a leather skirt and leg warmers’”

“I think I’m telling you to go to sleep” “You’re gonna have make me” “I can’t tell if this is cry for help or flirting” “Yes”

“This is at best cannibalism and at worst being straight”

“Oh look Percy Jackson’s here now, ooh they replaced every character’s face with Mr. Bean. I hate it”

“You can’t be mean to me! I’m gay AND a woman! That’s a hate crime!” “Yeah well I’m brown and Muslim! Square the fuck up bitch!”

“Babe it’s not very metal to be afraid of your hair dresser” “It’s not very metal to have a hair dresser and yet here we are” “It’s fine you’re into glam metal”

“Hey augie, got any grrrrrrapes?” “I’m doing IXL :(“

“Can I come?” “No” “What if I bring watermelon?” “You can come, leave the watermelon, then leave” “:(“

“What in the jersey shore”

“Rad’nt”

“Ok but consider: Mullet-hawk” “I can and will divorce you”

“Dee-vorce 👏 Just to 👏 re-vorce 👏 👏 “

“Ah yes, that’s why I’m fat…for combat reasons…”

“You fool I consent!”

“My Boston fern is being a bitch but that’s because it’s winter and that’s BITCH season”

“You walk through the rest of the house and it’s like ‘ooo witchy and aesthetic’ then they’ll get to the guest room and it’ll just be a tacky twink Fever dream”

“Who needs a scalp”

“HeHe, sexing”

“Council has decided, your vibes are rancid (and not the band)”

“You’re never to young to hate women”

“Look at me I did the dishes I’m a 1950s housewife with a strangely new jersey accent and affinity for lesbianism”

“Well look who has the table now”

"contrary to popular belief, fuck you"

"There's nothing here that requires whisking, i'm just problematic"

"If you could go anywhere in the world with two people, who would you choose?" “New Orleans!”

"So he proceeded to bite me on the butt...like, really, really hard."

“I don’t cheat, I win. It’s not cheating if it’s consensual.”

“My mouth, my choice”

“Do you like my ombré of a tan"

“Who’s the cutest in the chat right now then?” “It’s Paige!” “No, it’s obviously Augie.” (paige's boyfriend)-said by a straight man

“Francis is just a one and done.”

“Would you ever have a threesome?” “...yes...” *To Francis* “Sure!”

“How do you feel about anal sex?”

“Of the people in this room, who would you most want to make out with?” “Augie” “The answer is yes, but only if it’s 6 feet apart.”

“Square, flat, and overcooked.”

“The virus would be over if everyone would breathe underwater for 5 minutes.”

“I have daddy issues, but not with my father.”

“You’re a ladies man but you have two boyfriends.”

“That means lesbian in sign language” “No, that means fuck boy in American”

“I’m like a parasite, you can’t get rid of me. I’m here forever.”

“You’re like my long term hit man”

“Is it Jake?” “No, why would the evil Russian man be Jake?” “Because he would never hire a gay man and you don’t look like a gay man”

“Jake is homophonic, Augie is racist, and Francis is a woman hater!”

"Grew a korean radish, 1 star"

"I've got more cause i'm a rich boy, and by that i mean my father sometimes buys avocados. And that's on what? Upper middle class"

"Tell your good for nothing boyfriend to stay away from my mom"

"It's not inciting violence it's just ~inspiring it~ "

"Listen bitch just because you have avacados and a roomba doesn't make you better then me"

"i would totally let narthex ruin my life. and that's on what? daddy issues and bisexuality"

"who is titty"

"how is he racist" "he hates the french and russians right?" "don't forget italians" "that's just self loathing"

"This is the last time i wear a thong- it's for educational purposes"

"babe come over i'm a burrito"

"he put bread with milk. luckily he passed away"

"you touched my wiener!" "you offered it!"

"foot'nt"

"i took a shower and realized the floor doesn't bounce"

"i love ass whoooaaaaaa i meant cassie"

"Rosalie you're the deciding vote. Be decisive." "Dude i'm bisexual and a gemini. what're you talking about?"

"Okay so to recap: jake is homophobic, augie is racist, francis is a woman hater, and now paige is a bunny abuser?"

"Just bring a watermelon keychain and it'll be fine" "Whooaaaa i'm gonna need a big key then"

"If you were blind what would you even see"

Post Traumatic Youth, plus D for danny's disorder"

"i think she's past the phase where she likes people just because they're russian"

"francine is a lesbian, but only during quarantine"

"don't be a home wrecker!" "i can't help it!"

"we are not doing coed tents" "i wanted to go purple-ing though"

"if it's not perfect i'm gonna through hands" "with who" "i don't know, the CEO of stupid"

"don't make me feel guilty for bullying you"

"it doesn't look very cash money cool but okay"

"slinky cat" (ferret)

"The pond behind my house didn't freeze all the way through this winter, so i couldn't go ice skating" "okay, so i have an idea. we can go to walmart and get-" "ANTI FREEZE!" "well, yes- wait, no. No, the more i think about that definitely no."

"The amish will win, the amish will prevail" "the amish will conquer us all!"

"He do be kinda mafia doh"

"i'm being sneaky sneak. stairs go creaky creak. and i need. DRUGZ"

"brain on shutdown, power saving mode"

"Somebody go tip her, she's dancing like a stripper" "thatd be nice- oh wait no!"

"fellas, is it gay to lick your homies eyeball?"

"it's not racist if you're only targeting one group of people" "that literally racism" "but what if they're french"

"i'm not racist yet but the option is available, and it's good to have options"

"they don't call me Mr. Steal Yo Boy for nothing!" -a straight man who has a girlfriend

"i think he has a bad habit of not dating girls"

"kinda hot tho 🥵 in a Santa Claus kinda way...hoe hoe hoe"

"i'll be your hot jacuzzi bubble dealer"

"when deceit and doubt fills you up, you cleanse your mind through creative activities, such as making organic soap"

"friendly reminder #4: you're never to old to eat a freezie-pop"

"sorry i'm just nervous" Chinese Teacher: (Waving her hand in front of her face) “Just pretend I’m cabbage.”

"me when my dads name is publicly broadcasted on the radio for his 14 felonies and assorted war crimes"

"<@!523669420435046401> I sentence you to a solid nine by the banhammer. For your crimes against Humanity, God, Satan, and Matt Frank. See you in hell."

"Danny, just because you're playing *Just Cause* doesn't mean you need to Just Cause our friendship!"

"Silly Matt! You fell for the ole’ Heimlich maneuver!”

"i got a bunch of new shirts over quarantine" "you would"

"Ok, there's a 32 year old doctor in new Jersey dying right now" "Yeah, but to be fair everyone in new jersey has a pre-existing condition"

“This is the longest period of time we’ve had without a Nintendo direct” “Maybe they’re gonna make a Nintendo indirect?”

"you’re looking extra white today.” "thanks i've been practicing"

"do you have any batteries" *looks inside shirt* "not yet"

"let's go colonize the middle school!" "yyayayyayayay!!!" " wait I gotta ask my mom first" What happened next is know called the *Juniors burden*

"oh so you're a DOWNSTAIRS milk kinda guy"

"you are literally the human embodiment of crumbs in a bed"

"The Berk-ey Creamery isn’t a place, it’s a people!”

"He shoved a floating joy-con straight up his flux-capacitor.” "great! now it's paired"

"No, that isnt armor, the real armor are the friends you made along the way"

"This one goes out to all my lady friends out there *proceeds to kill himself in game*

"i'm a coward" "that's what a coward would say!"

"rest is for cowards and fools"

"every time you speak you take years off my life"

"Shark dick hoo ha ha"

"Me and the boys brushing our teeth at 3 AM"

"remember if you kill yourself the fascists win"

"The Beatles aren’t real. Have you ever seen a beatle? No? Exactly." "Babe” "Shut up I’m right."

*reading over these quotes* "god i hate that" "you said that!"

#ghost talks #long post

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lazydoodlesandfanfic · 5 years ago

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Changes through Time (Steve Rogers X Daughter!Reader)

Characters: Steve Rogers X Daughter!Reader

Universe: Marvel, Avengers, Captain America

Warnings: Mention of homophobia and maybe some spoilers

Request: Steve Rogers x daughter!reader where the reader wakes up 70 years later and realises that life is so different i.e. seeing gay people BUT she was secretly gay in the 30's and comes out as a lesbian?

When people met you, and then met your father, they’d simply go “Yep, seems about right”. Even when you had just started to walk and talk, people could place you as Roger’s daughter almost instantaneously. You had his stubborn nature but also his big, kind heart. Steve got called in on your first day of school before you got in a fight with a boy for pulling on girl’s hairs, and when he tried it with you, you promptly turned and pushed him, telling him not to do that to you or the other girls, and if you caught him doing it again, you’d shove him harder next time. Your punishment by your father was spending the afternoon with Uncle Bucky ��tickle monster” Barnes.

You were still young when the second world war started, so you watched your uncle turn into a sergeant and then one day your dad came back home… quite a bit taller than you remembered. For a moment you wanted to ask who the hell he was, eyeing him suspiciously, before your dad assured you it was him by recounting the time you kicked a guy in the shins just the week before for saying something condescending to your dad.

Not long after, you lost both your dad and the man who’d sworn to take you in if something happened to Steve, Bucky. Peggy stepped up for you, and you found yourself helping her around with small simple tasks around the office after the war, meeting Howard Stark, who took an interest in the fact that you were the daughter of Captain America… and you were almost exactly like him. Despite his death, you kept your head high, had a good head on your shoulders and any decision you made had a good reason behind it. Peggy and Howard looked at you, and saw Steve. Howard mentioned that despite the war being over, the world still needed heroes. You signed yourself up for any plans aged 13. By 15 you ended up in Alaska, to try and follow a lead for Peggy and Howard, only to end up being under prepared and finding a burrow and freezing, unaware your father had faced a similar fate.

You were found about 70 years after by hikers, who first reportedly you as a dead body, before officials arrived and realised you were somehow still alive, rushing you to the hospital and tried to identify you while you were still comatose, and when no links could be found, they released a picture of your frozen face to the public. It spread all across America till it ended up on the wall outside Steve’s apartment complex.

You were put into SHIELD care immediately after Steve stormed in, telling Fury his daughter, that he had longed thought dead and was too heartbroken to go find out what actually happened to you- was actually alive, frozen in Alaska. Steve was there when you were deemed stable, and like they’d done with him, they put you in a room similar to the mid to later 1940’s and he stayed with you. You woke up, seeing your dad sat in the seat beside you, smiling down at you with a new haircut and clothes that didn’t seem to… be right. The first words out of your mouth? “Holy shit.”

“Don’t swear.” Your dad scorned, watching as you carefully sat yourself up, looking around the room. “What year is it?” He asked you.

“Um… I think it’s 1949, nearly 1950, but… dad, you’re dead. You’re dead. You crashed a plane. Am… am I dead?” You asked. Steve shook his head, using the date you gave him to piece together how old you were now. You were nearly 16. You weren’t a little girl anymore, you were a teenager.

“What were you doing huh? In the snow?” He asked you, taking your hand. You looked at him… mild guilt in your eyes.

“Don’t be mad at Peggy, she nearly killed Howard when he suggested I do it- she nearly killed me when I offered to do stuff for him.” You blurted. Steve took a deep breath in. Of course it had something to do with Howard… it made sense now why Peggy didn’t really like talking about you with him, she probably felt guilty. But then again, this was you he was talking about.

“It’s you, I doubt even she could stop you from anything you planned on doing.” Steve assured you. “Right now, I need you to relax okay, before there’s something very important I need to tell you.”

You took the news a… bit better than Steve did. You did run out into the street to look around, but Steve managed to grab you before you ran into traffic, and he stood with you while you looked around at the new world around you. You spent more than three weeks studying about the new world, adapting at quicker pace than your dad as well. It was during your exploration of computers and news sites, and twitter, than you found out about the gay community.

When you were a girl, you didn’t even know that it was a thing. No one talked about it, and when it was it was frowned upon. Then you read about Stonewall, and the names of certain sexualities and how people were… more accepting. Gay marriage was legal in New York, where you lived, now. You hadn’t mentioned it to your dad, or Bucky, or even Peggy and Howard after you thought them dead… but...seeing the lesbian flag, seeing photos from the most recent pride parade, with girls kissing and being in love… it made you realise that when you were a teenager and you thought a girl in your school was extremely pretty and her compliment on your hair made you blush, was actually you not realising why you never found guys attractive.

“Dad? Can I talk to you about something?” You asked, shuffling at your seat at dinner. You tried to keep your head up and be brave, reminding yourself that while your dad was from the 1940’s like yourself, he’d been living in the modern world for a long time and he wasn’t going to say anything harsh or cruel. But you were still terrified.

“Of course you can, what’s up?” He asked, putting his cutlery down to properly focus on you. You hesitating, wondering where to start. Do you ask about his opinion on gay people? Do you ask if he knows about Stonewall, or the parade happening soon, or do you just say you’re gay? “Y/N, what’s wrong?” He asked.

“You promise not to be mad?” You asked. Steve chuckled.

“I could never be mad at you.” He assured you.

“Even if I told you I was a lesbian?” You asked. Steve looked up properly, sitting straight. “You can’t be mad, you promised-”

“I’m not mad. Why would I be mad?... How long have you known?” He asked you, his voice still soft and comforting. You looked down at your hands.

“After you… there was girl when I moved up, she was… I used to think she was the prettiest girl in the entirety of New York, and then one day she complimented my outfit and I got so red in the face I thought I was sick, and whenever I saw her it was like she was the only thing that mattered. I never had that with any guy, ever. They didn’t teach us about it back then as you know, and I was doing my research found out about all the... improvements and about how much more accepting people are now and… I guess it clicked then.” You explained, picking up your fork and messing with the food on your plate.

“What did she look like?” Your dad asked. You gave him a look, telling him he knew what he was trying. “I just wanna know, so if I see any girls your age that look like girls you might like I can keep an eye out-”

“Dad! No! You are not going to start trying to get me a date with girls!” You told him off, while he seemed to giggle to himself, starting to get back into his food. “Hey dad?” You asked, picking up your fork. He looked up again. “Love you.”

“Love you too sweetheart.”

Hope you like it! If you have any questions, please send them in!

*Not my gif

TAGS: @klanceiscannon14 @waywardemo @marvelhoeingismyhobby @bellamyblakemorley @abbybills22 @waywardemo @mutantjediavenger @theoraekensnotsosecretlover @dailyteambucky @mxrvelsaos @insanityismysanity12345 @courtneychicken @graysonmalfoy @bellero @captain-peanut-at-your-service @likiyoshi-lijie @aesthetjic @originalpottervengerlock @supernatural-pan @esoltis280 @lena-stan-xavier @lady-of-lies @sebstanismylife @macbetheliza @mandywholock1980 @kleptomollyiac @cdwmtjb8 @caswinchester2000 @determinedpines

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maddie-grove · 5 years ago

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Little Book Review: Am I Blue?

Editor: Marion Dane Bauer.

Publication Date: 1994.

Genre: YA.

Premise: It’s a collection of YA short stories about being gay, lesbian, or bisexual...and not, as one Goodreads reviewer thought, about coping with depression. You know what? Fair.

Thoughts: I love short story anthologies because you never know which ones will be good and which ones will suck. The pleasantly 1990s Am I Blue? is solid throughout, although there are a few too many where nothing really happens except a young lesbian having a vague epiphany. Don’t get me wrong, that’s a solid premise for a short story! But there are four such stories in this collection. Why not a story about a young lesbian having an epiphany and learning how to skateboard?

Anyway, the stories in this collection come in approximately six flavors:

A Young Lesbian Realizes Something: Jacqueline Woodson’s lyrical “Slipping Away,” about a biracial, probably gay teenage girl growing apart from her close-minded best friend one summer, is the best of this bunch. The others include Ellen Howard’s solid “Running” (a questioning teenager finds a role model in her sister’s lesbian friend), Cristina Salat’s unfocused “50% Chance of Lightning” (a recent high school grad struggles with anxiety and a pushy straight girl), and Lesléa Newman’s rather tiresome “Supper” (a girl pretends to be straight and a vegetarian while her annoying family expound upon their own food issues at length).

I’m Coming Out!: “Parents’ Night” by Nancy Garden, about a girl whose parents try to do better after a disappointing reaction to her coming out, is one of the most charming and heartfelt stories in the collection. The others are M.E. Kerr’s compact classic “We Might as Well All Be Strangers” (a girl comes out to her Holocaust survivor grandmother) and the heartwarming if overly cute “Michael’s Little Sister” by C.S. Adler (a teenage boy struggling in the wake of a forced outing finds acceptance in his much younger sister).

Nasty in the Pasty: These stories emphasize the difficulties of being gay in the past (not that the 1990s were exactly a cakewalk). The best of them is “Three Mondays in July” by James Cross Giblin, about a lonely teen in early-1950s Michigan; I liked that the author let the protagonist have some rough edges. The others are Marion Dane Bauer’s reflective “Dancing Backwards” (a lightly fictionalized personal essay about two Catholic girls who get kicked out of boarding school for exchanging valentines) and Jonathan London’s slapdash “Hands” (weird fanfiction of Sherwood Anderson’s “Hands,” basically).

First Love: Both the stories in this category are standouts. “The Honorary Shepherds” by Gregory Maguire concerns two mixed-race private-school boys falling in love while making a movie for film class. This is one of the most stylistically ambitious stories in the collection; there are a lot of shifts in narrative technique, including screenwriting language and comic monologues from one of the boys. “In the Tunnels” by William Sleator takes place during the Vietnam War and is told from the perspective of a young Viet Cong fighter whose lover has gone on a dangerous mission. The setting is unique, and the lovers’ reunion at the end is truly sweet.

Straight (?) Ally: Both stories in this category are also great! Lois Lowry’s gentle, cathartic “Holding” is about a boy mourning the sudden death of his father’s de facto husband. Almost as good is Francesca Lia Block’s fanciful “Winnie and Tommy,” about a gender non-conforming L.A. girl’s relationship with her gorgeous, caring boyfriend, who discovers that he’s gay. Also, she actually does learn to skateboard!

Something for the Fantasy Fans: Bruce Coville’s humorous, light-fantasy title story, about a questioning teen boy who’s visited by a delightfully flamboyant “fairy godfather,” is among my favorite, both for its humor and its bi protagonist. Jane Yolen’s high-fantasy “Dark Sister” (a prequel to her Great Alta Saga) was kind of a slog, although it had some interesting ideas.

So, not a bad showing! The collection is dated in that it doesn’t cover any identities beside gay and lesbian, with the exception of Bruce Coville’s and (arguably) Francesca Lia Block’s, but there’s nothing very objectionable otherwise.

Hot Goodreads Take: Multiple reviewers seem to think that all of the contributors are straight, even though at least a few of them mention being gay or bi in their authors’ notes. (Plus, if you can use Goodreads, you can use Google before you assume that people are straight. Jeez.)

#little book review #books #reading #am i blue?

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thelearningcat · 6 years ago

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You know what’s a movie that should be redone in this new feminist movement year: Mona Lisa Smile

There’s a lot of problematic elements to this film, but there’s also a whole bunch of potential. I love 1950s feminist films. What could possibly be more empowering then a woman being empowered in a time when women were vastly being pushed back into the home (at least in the States, though I think it is true elsewhere).

Here’s some aspects I would love to highlight in my 2019 Mona Lisa Smile.

Female artists, both in the film and taught in Katherine’s class. In the 2003 movie, we never see any of the women actually making art in any way. Nor do we see her feature female artists. In a film supposedly about female empowerment, there are very few women doing any kind of real work that shows they aren’t just housewives. There are women in the administration and we get what some of the female professors teach. However, even Katherine, we know she does “research” but we never know what she does research on. As someone in academia, I can say, there’s no way it would never come up what she specialized in, even if all she had is a Masters. I want some female artists. I don’t know many but I know Georgia O’Keeffe was probably already painting by then, and in a conversation about modern art at an all girl’s school, it feels like a missed opportunity for the writers to really get some lesser known female artists of the time’s name out through Katherine’s teaching.

Women choosing to not be in a relationships. We have a lot of women finding out their men lied and choosing, but that’s not really a choice. Katherine isn’t even really a chosen single woman. Instead, we have women trying to be in relationships and them failing, and somehow we are supposed to believe they can be happy without a man. You cannot convince me that there are not some happy single ladies as professors. It would have been one of the few professions available to higher income women that might pay decently.

Some happy lesbians. We have one lesbian, who nicely supported the kill your gay trope by killing one off screen prior to the start of the film and the other getting fired early to get her off screen for the rest of the film. I had a split moment in the beginning where I expected two of the female students to turn out to be lesbians, but that was quickly squashed.

More historical discussions. We get a brief discussion of war veterans and contraception, but there is so many rich discussions that could have really played into this movie’s female empowerment. If the point is to show this feminist professors breaking the mold in this conservative school, then really developing all the ways she subverts the ideas of womanhood other than through her dating habits (and lack of marriage) would have really have enriched the character development. Sure, I like the notion that it seemed like the administration was nitpicking stuff to be offended by, but I was left with female characters who felt out of history in a historical context.

Better female characters. All the characters felt just a baby step outside of a stereotype. We have the goody good who did everything right only to have it thrown in her face(Betty), we have the insecure woman falling in love(Constance), the traditional woman who had the intelligence to go far in a career but chose family instead(Joan), and the “whore” who slept around with older, sometimes married men(Giselle). Honestly, the second to last (Joan- intelligent woman who chose family) really highlights the shortcomings of the overall characters in this film. If you’re going to have a movie about female characters in the 50s running up against a feminist, then play with that. None of the women actually chose a career, so while Joan could have really pushed up against the idea that all feminists have to be career women, it instead felt like they were instead supporting the very ideals that their movie appeared to be trying (and failing) to subvert. Here’s the characters I would have liked to see developed.

Katherine: the feminist professor, who was the epitome of what would become 70s feminism. Free-love woman who wasn’t looking for one man to satisfy her. Make her bisexual for some lbtq representation (absolutely no student-teacher relations though!). Not only is she not super into monogamy, but have her really encouraging women to get jobs, push off having children, and learn about orgasm. Encouraging women that they can be tough and men can (and should) be kind. Maybe this would be too far ahead of her time for a 50s movie, but I think really leaning into this idea that the conservatives at this school would be scandalized by her would be really great. I don’t know enough about 50s feminism, so I would even take her being tamer than 70s free-love. But I think she really has to be a progressive feminist to have the narrative really work well.

Betty: A smart woman who believed she always just wanted a husband and family, because she’d never been given another option. She is a great person for a stay-at-home wife gone career woman arch. You don’t need to have the husband have an affair. Instead, just show that she’s unhappy with the wifely tasks. Show her loving to learn or have a passion for a specific subject. We could really dig our teeth into a woman who just never realized what cage she’d been placed in. It’s how many of us feel when we begin reading about socialization of little girls anyway. How many of us became feminist when we realized that our tendency to say “I’m sorry” before a question in class came from gendered socialization lessons of our childhood? I want to see that woman evolve. I want to watch her deal with the cognitive dissonance, and that’s why she’s such a dick in class to Katherine. I want to see her begin to see the cracks in the facade she convinced herself of as she was encouraged by this professor she hated to see the other options she had.

Joan: Honestly other than giving her a husband who didn’t come off as a prick, I like her arch. This intelligent woman who thought about law school but decided to instead stay and be a wife, I love it because that’s what feminism is all about- women being able to choose. However, the whole movie we get this dick of a husband who says things that imply he wouldn’t be supportive and even if we give some credit that they were trying to stay true to what men would say then, it just left a bad taste in my mouth. Even when Joan proclaimed it was her choice, I didn’t have enough grounding to believe that she wasn’t pressured indirectly into it by her husband. He didn’t have to be progressive or feminine, but something further to show that he was entirely devoted to her happiness and would have in fact supported her would have made her arch more palatable.

Giselle: Oh boy, this is just such a problematic character. She’s repeatedly been told she’s a whore, but we are never given a reason that she is friends with Betty, because while we see her being supportive, we see Betty just constantly shitting on her (and Constance for that matter). I think a free-love student isn’t a bad idea for the contexts, but that idea that she would be friends with these other female characters is just hard to stomach. You need to give me a reason to believe they would all be friends, which given the contrasting character Katherine could be, I think they all need to relatively start in the same place of conservative traditionalism. I think instead of just having the “whore” character, Giselle would be better off as a lgbtq representative. Maybe everyone thinks she’s a whore because she sneaks around a lot and no one knows where to (turns out she’s sneaking around with a female professor or student). Maybe she’s dates a lot and sleeps with one man before the end of the movie, but she declares that she’s gay or asexual after the encounter. Her friends could still make comments about her tendency with men, without it being so unlikely that they’d remain friends with her. Her progressive teacher introduces them to the lgbtq world, and that makes her start questioning herself. I’m all fine with a woman who likes sex as a character, but she just doesn’t fit with the group of friends and it shows.

Constance: Oh boy. Her arch is so boring. It makes no sense in the context of the overall plot. It felt especially jarring considering her character’s only development seemed to be this boy she liked. Here’s the thing, there was something to her character that was tossed aside for this romance that could have made for a good feminist narrative: her confidence. Betty constantly puts her down about this boy she likes, and that’s shitty, but honestly, it is clear that her character is very insecure. She believes every time Betty says something that a guy couldn’t possibly like her. That right there could be really well developed into an arch that spoke to women in the audience. Develop the fact she’s an insecure woman who feels more secure when a guy likes her (and is easily convinced he doesn’t). Have Katherine teach a whole lesson about the male gaze in art. Have Katherine shows pictures of woman throughout the ages who were considered beautiful and discuss how beauty changes (and thus what is good art also changes). Have there be a real resolve to the interactions between Betty and Constance that are such toxic interactions. Betty needs to learn that what she says is harmful and Constance needs to learn that other people don’t define her self worth. This doesn’t even touch on all the other characters who need a ton of tweaking/overhalls to make this movie better.

This movie has so many nuggets of potential but end up with a female empowerment movie where at best only one woman is really empowered, the rest are right where they were at the start of the film, or worse off.

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artificialqueens · 6 years ago

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tell me why my gods look like you (shalaska): mai

A/N: Here I am with another fic. It’s my first serious angst fic, and it’s out of my comfort zone (I am a fluffy bitch) so I’m sorry if it’s bad angst! Thanks to my amazing friend b (callmesatan201) for encouraging me to keep writing this!! TW for: homophobia, slurs against lesbians, religious stuff, domestic violence/implied abuse, drinking (underage), smoking (underage), sexism, and violence. Have a good reading, and if you can’t read this because of the tw’s it’s fine!! Don’t trigger yourself and go drink some water <3333 (sorry I just really care about somebody reading this and being like oH FUCK). Writing blog is @ uranustrash xo

Sharon woke up with a noise, a lot of them to be more exact. Her parents weren’t exactly the calmest and centered people in the world. She tries to muffle the sound with her pillow on her ears, but even like that, she could hear that still. If they were like that on Valentine’s day, imagine in the rest of the year.

Catholic girls school, Catholic parents, Catholic life. She didn’t even remember if there was a single Sunday she didn’t go to the church. Actually, that was how she meets Alaska. They meet none of the boring masses where all she wanted was to kick the priest’s head and set that on fire. She remembered Alaska in a ‘’good girl’’ white dress with floral print who had no sparkle in her eyes. She also remembered to see that sparkle when Sharon first talked to her.

Alaska’s scent was like fresh flowers, her smile was bubbly and shiny, and her laugh sounded like sweet angelic music… It was the first time Sharon actually enjoyed going to the mass. She came there all innocent, with her pure smile, to say Sharon had a very pretty style. Even forced to wear a dress, that black dress matched her also black converse and fishnet. Her parents complained all the way to the Church because of her outfit. But, it was worth it to be get complimented by a goddess like Alaska.

They found out their parents already knew each other but weren’t what you could call friends. Sharon heard her mom saying ‘’Pam Thunder got a lot of weight, and definitely in the middle of church service. I am wondering if she eats the cupcakes she has to place in, that’s why I never find them. Sharon! You’re also kinda chubby, do you think Pam’s daughter is like you?’ No, she’s pretty and you… Well’’.

Also, they found out that they went to the same school. So since that day they never stopped talking or texting each other. The bond between them got stronger and stronger. They couldn’t stop that feeling, the butterflies. They started to sneak out on the masses more frequently, to skip classes, to text each other cute emojis, to pass little notes in the classes… Of course, Alaska couldn’t go to Sharon’s house because her mother hated Alaska’s family now - for Sharon’s bad luck. -, but they always hang out on Alaska’s. Why would her mom think her perfect daughter with straight A’s was dating a girl?

Alaska’s parents thought she was straight, and so did her. Sharon already knew she was gay, she knew it since she was eleven and looked at Avril Lavigne with heart eyes. Alaska didn’t know her sexuality for sure, but she was sure it wasn’t straight in the second she saw Sharon. She couldn’t care less about Alaska’s sexuality, they were together and that was all that mattered. Sharon supported her girlfriend and would help her to find out who she was. Or, if she didn’t have the need to, they would be fine.

Now she had to fix the mess that was her hair - and she knew her mom would say something negative about it. But she got a smile on her face because she would at least talk to her girlfriend on Valentine’s day. Usually, Sharon would buy flowers for her girlfriend, and cuddle at her girlfriend’s house. But they really couldn’t cuddle or anything similar in either of their houses. Alaska’s door had to be open, somehow Sharon’s parents had the impression that Sharon was gay.

When she saw her reflex in the mirror, a tired sigh came out of her mouth. Her uniform was so boring, that dark blue plaid skirt and that plain white blouse made her look like an old lady. It didn’t even match her doc martens. It looked very good on Alaska although, everything looked good on her. Great, now Sharon was thinking about her again.

She was going upstairs deader than a ghost, but then she heard her mom and dad talking in an actual normal tone of voice. She sneaked in to hear the conversation because they were talking as they didn’t want Sharon to know:

‘’Sharon can’t go with us to this event… Everyone thinks she is…’’

Being gay would make her skip a church event. Sharon never felt happier for having the family that she had in her whole life.

‘’I know, a lesbian. We need to find her a man, and if she graduates High School? Are you letting her do college now? For God’s sake,’’ Sharon’s dad started to raise his voice tone.

Great, now they were in 1950 again. Sometimes she thought her parents were late on time, their minds were too outdated. They actually tried to find her a boyfriend before, but Sharon split in his face. The boy was the son of the priest’s brother or something like that, and her mother got very mad. All because she said he would bring her “status”.

‘’Well while she doesn’t have a man, we can’t go with her, all the other moms will be there! Can’t she be alone after school studying? What could she do? Set our house on fire?’’

‘’I would if I had the chance’’ Sharon thought, taking a deep breath to listen to the rest of that conversation.

‘’I don’t know, she could be sinning, remember when we found cigarettes in her room?’’

That was the point. Sharon’s parents never left her alone since they found out the perfect daughter smoked. Sharon used to be the role daughter, or pretend to, until that day. Since then, stuff went even more downhill. And turns out now she was the black sheep.

‘’She could be with….’’ her mother was visibly shaking ‘’Sharon could be with another woman’’

Slap, her dad mercilessly hit her mom in the face. Sharon could take seeing that one more time, she saw that her whole life. Her parents were disgusting for her. But sometimes, Sharon actually had some pity on her mom, she knew that wasn’t what she wanted for her life. Even if she used to say that was god planned to her, she knew secretly her mom sometimes wished she never meets her dad.

‘’Don’t say that under my roof, Patricia’’ he split the words in her face ‘’we raised our daughter right! She’s like this because of you, you know that.’’

“Me? What I did now, Liam?”

“Oh Miss scientist, did you forgot you secretly was applying for a sciences course behind my back? Did you forgot Sharon had to see her mom like that as a kid?”

Her mother had a dream as a child, to become a scientist. Unfortunately, as her family was very similar, she had to marry her dad as soon as she could, and have Sharon. It seemed like 1950, but their family was a very traditional family. No matter what century was that they always would have that head - Sharon was an exception.

So, when Sharon was about nine years old her mom decided to take a course in the area she liked. All behind Sharon’s dad back and Sharon kept her secret at the time. It didn’t take long for Sharon’s dad to find out, and when he did it went bad. It was the first night Sharon heard their fight, and when she realized her life was a big mess.

Liam thought a woman being independent was the reason for Sharon’s homosexuality. But the true reason was that she was born this way. And her mom should’ve had the right of being who she was, Sharon should’ve had the right of expressing her love… But living in that religious traditional complex, neither of them could. Her mom wasn’t too different from her at all.

And they were arguing again. Yelling, louder, and louder. It was incredible how they still thought Sharon could be sleeping - when she was almost late for school. When the situation seemed a little bit calmer, she went downstairs. In the minute they saw her, they pretended never happened.

‘’Good morning darling’’ her mom smiled putting tasty big pancakes in her plate. As the happy television commercial wife, she pretended to be. ‘’You know I hate your hair untied like this, you should do braids or pigtails… I heard that is what the boys are into…’’

‘’Yeah, but the only man who likes sluts Patricia, our daughter has to find a right man’’

“Well, then you should make a bun! It’s very classy and it could make a rich good man come after you”

‘’I’ll keep it untied then…’’ Sharon whispered, but unfortunately, her mother heard:

‘’What do you mean young lady?’’

‘’Nothing mother, nothing’’ she mumbled with the mouth stuffed with that sweet pancakes

‘’ I and your mom are going to a church event tonight. Unfortunately, teenagers won’t be able to come… It’s about marriage, so can you stay home alone for a few hours? Don’t do stupidities, Sharon…’’

That was everything she wanted to hear.

‘’Yes, thank you for trusting on me, it means a lot’’ she replied them with the fakest smile, the fakest voice.

‘’We love you so much, sweetheart’’

It was funny how her dad sipped his pure black coffee and didn’t say one word.

While Sharon’s mom was saying she shouldn’t eat more pancakes, talking about her weight again. Sharon’s smile was big because she had a place to spend valentine’s day with her significant other.

Usually, Sharon rides her bike to school, but not on that day. The sound of the doorbell gave Sharon anticipated butterflies in the stomach. She ran to open it, she didn’t even know why it was fate. When she did, she finally understood what heaven meant after all.

Alaska looked heavenly, the definition of an angel. The uniform looked very good on her and made every single trait of her glow up even more. Everything about her was perfect, even with their boring uniform. She was wearing white knee socks and high heels - even if Sharon knew Alaska’s mom hated them, that was rebellious of her. Her hair half tied in a messy bun on top of her head was like postmodern art. And she was sure the pink lipgloss she was wearing was craving to get removed with a bunch of kisses. Sharon was still speechless, while her girlfriend smiled.

‘’Aren’t your going to greet your girl-’’ Alaska coughed when she saw Sharon’s parents “your girl pal?”

‘’Who’s at the door, Sharon?’’

They both were panicking now, Sharon could hear her moms steps, walking fast to see what was happening.

‘’You’re gonna get lat- Oh, Alaska Thunder’’

Alaska gulped, she was absolutely shaking in the view of Sharon’s mom. Television commercial housewives can be very scary when they were mad - Sharon knew that.

‘’Hello Mrs. Coady, what a beautiful morning, god bless you’’

‘’God bless you too, sweetie…’’ Sharon could see her mother rolling her eyes, she wanted to laugh so bad. ‘’What are you doing here sweetheart? I don’t see you around that much’’

Her mom’s voice was so fake that Sharon wanted to laugh, right there, in the middle of that odd conversation.

“And thank God’’ she whispered, but Sharon was sure Alaska heard that.

‘’Sharon’s bike broke, so I offered to drive her to school’’

Technically her bike was functioning perfectly. But since her mom didn’t know anything about bikes because she had the 1950’s woman head, that was an awesome lie. Sharon was proud of her girlfriend for lying so well, she had to contain her smile.

‘’Yep, I was about to tell you, mom, it’s only for today’’

Her mom hesitated and looked at Alaska with a dead look. Unexpectedly she hugged Sharon.

‘’Bye honey. And you two, don’t call the attention of the boys too much. You two are deadly pretty… My daughter is prettier, but you will find your way Alaska’’

They exchanged guilty looks, both almost laughing until their stomach hurt. They wouldn’t, because Sharon knew Alaska was already looking at her with passionate eyes. Her mom wanted to stimulate feminine rivalry, but instead, she was only making their love grow.

Now, on the road, the wind blew in Sharon’s wavy black hair when she put her head out of the window. It was like an old classic movie, as they both were running away like Bonnie and Clyde. They could’ve been them, but fear surrounded them in that hideous environment they lived. Sharon put her feet in the panel of the car, chilling and contemplating the landscape. The dead silence between them got filled in when Alaska put some music on.

Chills ran over Sharon’s body: ‘’Awww, you put on Marilyn Manson’’

‘’Yes, happy valentine’s day, baby’’ Alaska drop a kiss in the air

Alaska got something from her backpack and handed to Sharon. Something wrapped in the cutest gift paper ever - it was white with little carefully painted roses. When she opened it, her eyes got filled with tears. Sharon wasn’t the kind of girl who cried, but all she wanted was to hug her girlfriend now.

‘’It’s my fave Marilyn Manson album… Your parents… Lask, how did you-’’

‘’I saved for it, I have a secret spot for money under my bed’’

Both their parents always controlled their money. Alaska’s parents had a good life, they could afford a lot of CDs like that, but rock music was ‘’satanic’’ for their church. Alaska’s parents would freak out if they saw her daughter bought that kind of stuff. So, she sneaked money to give her girlfriend something that meant the world for her.

Sharon’s mom found her rock cd’s once, including the same one she had in her hands now. She freaked out and banished all the music and posters of artists she liked and her mom considered ‘’evil’’. Alaska remembered comforting her girl because of how toxic her parents were. The environment both of them lived was, it was toxic and killed them slowly. It never allowed them to live their own lives and it made them very sick.

‘’You actually remembered it… How?’’

‘’I wanted to see you happy, boo’’ she blinked ‘’now please hide it this time’’

‘’I’ll as we hide…’’

‘’As we hide our love?’’

Sharon gulped, damn.

‘’No, I’m sorry that wasn’t what I meant’’

‘’It’s okay silly, isn’t a lie is it?’’

Alaska sighed, parking the car in her usual parking spot. Sharon used to call it ’‘princess parking” because she always parked there. Alaska could get mad when somebody parked there, like a spoiled princess.

‘’Well, not today! My parents are going to a church event and they don’t wanna take me because they might suspect I’m gay… So we can go to my house…’’ Sharon touched Alaska’s arm very subtly ‘’to be alone, you know?’’

All she wanted was to have some alone time with her girl. She wanted to have a nice date, as all the other couples were having on Valentine’s day. For some reason Alaska got tense, as she saw a monster or something, chills ran out of her body. Sharon thought it was because the situation was very dangerous.

Now they were sat in a bench, sharing a bag of doughnuts Alaska got on the way. Alaska licked only the frosting, sucking the jelly, and whining when she saw she would have to eat the pastry. Sharon laughed, looking at her face all messed up:

“You have frosting and jelly all over your face”

“Don’t blame me!”

“Is not my fault that your way to eat doughnuts it’s funny as fuck” she rubbed her finger on her sticky cheek “cutie”

“It isn’t, I’m a picky eater” she crossed her arms

“I know you are, princess parking, princess doughnuts…” Sharon mocked while she ate her doughnut.

Alaska was still with crossed arms and a grumpy face. She was the cutest thing Sharon ever saw on her life: “but at least I’m cute”

“Yes, you are” she looked around and saw nobody was there. In a risky move, she kissed Alaska’s sticky cheek “super duper cute”

And they kept there, chilling and watching the students come around the bullying. Pretend to be only friends, but holding hands behind Alaska’s purse.

‘’So, what do you say about later?’’

‘’N-nice’’ Alaska answered, tense again.

‘’Pumpkin are you okay?’’

‘’Yes, this is very scary you know? I still can’t believe we’re doing this’’

‘’Me neither, it’s gonna be so fun it’s being so long since we spent time together’’

‘’I guess that never happened’’ she laughed and rested her head on Sharon’s shoulder. ‘’Mmmm, you’re so warm’’

Apprehensive, she looked to both sides. Her shoulders were tense as she saw the students approaching them. Alaska knew exactly what to do, she held Sharon’s hands and muffed her head in her black hair pretending to sob. All the students stopped around them, Alaska held her hand a little bit tighter, she knew she would have to lie.

‘’Her cat died when we were doing a group project yesterday’’

‘’Oh’’ they whispered

‘’Tragic, I’m so sorry lask’’

‘’Poor kitty’’

‘’What if the goth dyke killed her cat? Isn’t she satanic or something?’’

‘’Do you want me to tell Miss Visage that you two are going to be late or something? Sharon, you’re the only one who can help her’’

Alaska nodded, her best friend Courtney’s words seeming very genuine. She still pretended to sob, and the comments never stopped until it was class time.

As the students got to their respective classes, Alaska smirked. They would have some minutes alone, finally. In their world, they always had to make up those situations, in their world, they couldn’t be like Courtney and her boyfriend William - together in public…

But they weren’t.

‘’You’re such a good liar’’ Alaska whispered, coming even more close to Sharon.

‘’And you’re a good actress princess’’ she held her face tenderly ‘’the best’’

Now they were playing dangerous, somebody could show up, it would be the end of them. It would be their ruin, but they enjoyed every second of that kiss. Hands were on Alaska’s hair pulling her closer, it wasn’t a rough kiss, it was very careful and passionate. The black haired girl kissed her as her lips were delicate as angel dust. Sharon always treated Alaska like she was the most fragile being in the world. With the touch of a feather, but intensively loving her.

They smiled in the kiss, laughed, and kissed again. They were so happy and in love. Sharon wanted to be there forever, and for one moment it was like the rest of the world didn’t exist for them. They stopped and pressed their foreheads together, gazing each other eyes. Sharon felt Alaska whine when she pulled away. It was the cutest thing to see her grumpy girlfriend with a pout on her lips in absence of her warmth.

‘’You’re so cute when you pout, but don’t be grumpy’’

‘’I want you’’ she whined

‘’But we have to go to class Lask! We already risked too much…’’ Sharon held her hand and caressing it with her thumb ‘’We have later in my house remember? I promise to cuddle you and never let you go’’

‘’Do you promise?’’

Alaska’s innocent tone was going to be Sharon’s ruin some day, that girl was so cute.

‘’I promise angel, now, class?’’

‘’Class!’’ she kissed Sharon’s cheek.

Sharon watched the bubbly blonde drift to the building awkwardly and stayed there. Alaska had to go to class because she had a bright future and was a good girl. But Sharon didn’t care, she was about to light a cigarette when she heard her girlfriend’s whiny voice by far.

‘’Sharon?’’

‘’What?’’ she screamed back.

‘’Stop it, go to class, or I won’t come’’

‘’B-but baby’’

‘’Now. Don’t make me go there.’’

The black haired girl sighed and got up of the bench, running to meet Alaska. She would do everything for her, even if that meant hearing her boring Sciences teacher voice.

[…]

Like she was in a getaway car running away from a very bad crime, Alaska couldn’t stop speeding up. Sharon that never cared about the thrill of the rush being too much got scared, and almost telling her to stop. A weird contrast, since Alaska, was always the scared one, and the one who cared about the laws. She said it was for a good reason, and as Sharon was a good rebel, she accepted it and put her new CD to play. Alaska seemed to realize the joy in her eyes singing the lyrics of her favorite song.

Sharon’s house wasn’t too far from school, and they arrived very fast. Alaska parked a few squares before Sharon’s house for safety, Sharon could feel she was shaking. The black haired girl got worried and asked her what was up. Alaska used to hate worrying Sharon, so she mumbled an “ I’m scared” and looked away.

But that wasn’t enough, she would never let her baby feel scared and unprotected. So she ignored the fact all her neighbors could see that and wrapped her arm on Alaska’s shoulder. The walk now was calm and heartwarming, with Alaska humming a sweet love song filling her heart with love.

It was good to feel involved in a loving aura, such as other couples always did. It was good to not care, to not fight for their love all the time. It would be so good if they could date, meet each other’s parents, graduate high school together… They could get engaged, have a real wedding, and the future could be theirs.

Even if sometimes she didn’t want to believe, Sharon knew they would have to end one time, and that scared her. It wasn’t the speed of the car, not the yelling she heard every morning. What scared her was the future, and how fast everything was happening, because it would end just as fast.

Alaska noticed Sharon was a bit down, so she kissed her cheek and smiled:

‘’We arrived!’’

For the first time, Sharon was happy to see her house. She looked around carefully and saw her parents weren’t home. The first thing they saw when she unlocked the door was a very excited Cerrone coming to greet them. Alaska picked him up and kissed his forehead:

‘’Baby!!’’ she looked at his eyes ‘’look, Sharon, it’s our baby, I’m like his mother too’’ she held him.

The innocent glare on her eyes gave Sharon life again. She was so pure, so cute, so fragile. She wanted to protect her, she didn’t want anything bad to happen to her, ever. All she wanted was Alaska to be happy because she was happy, she was warmth, she was love. Tears started to run down her face when she didn’t even realize.

Alaska immediately dropped Cerrone:

‘’Darling, what happened? Are you okay?’’ she approached her in her arms.

‘’I am, I… Fuck…’’ Sharon tried to whip off her tears.

‘’Say it. What happened?’’

She wanted to say that, she wanted to say she loved her. But saying she loved her would make things too fast when everything was going faster. She wanted to say that three letter sentence, she wanted to say that feeling. She wanted to look inside her innocent eyes and say it, split it into her soul. But she felt terrified, she didn’t want Alaska to leave fast. If she made things slow, they would have more time together.

‘’Nothing, I think it’s just PMS’’

Alaska sighed and petted her hair:

‘’I know you’re lying, but if you don’t wanna tell me…’’

‘’Its nothing Lask’’ she held her hand ‘’I promise. Now can you go to my room so I can show you what I have prepared?’’ Sharon whispered, kissing her cheek.

For one moment she heard Alaska gulp.

‘’Y-yeah’’

She didn’t understand why Alaska was so nervous, but anyways she let her go upstairs with Cerrone the cat. Probably to give him more affection than he could get - as she did with Sharon. She looked persistently in all the kitchen for chocolates. She knew her dad gave it to her mom, and that she didn’t eat and hide because it would make her gain weight. It wasn’t hard to find, her mom wasn’t good on hiding things like her daughter. The funny thing was that her dad was very abusive, but on Valentine’s day, he got her mom the best of the best.

Continuing to her adventure in the kitchen’s secrets, she hummed a song. Sharon grabbed a bottle of the wine she knew her mom hides to drink when nobody is around. Sharon already had a lot of that by her back, and she knew her mom wouldn’t notice if a bottle was missing. Sharon wasn’t the only one with secrets, and sometimes these secrets benefited her.

Lastly, she grabbed Alaska’s gift on her backpack. A photo album of all the moments they had together - or almost. Sharon took a pic of Cerrone in the morning before the day they meet. The church took a pic on the same day - where Sharon and Alaska appeared, both with their families. A polaroid of Sharon Alaska took back when they were only friends, to show her how beautiful she was. She had pictures of the yearbook, pictures of memories and places: Of the bench, they always used to sit, of their cats together… It had one very secret pic: a pic of they kissing, on a photo-booth in a church event. That picture could be their end, but Sharon kept it anyways.

With everything ready, she got into her room all happy. She opened the door and found a worried Alaska sitting on her bed and petting Cerrone. She dropped the stuff on her head table and took a seat on her side.

‘’Sharon…’’

‘’What happened baby?’’

‘’I’m not… I’m not ready for this’’

That was like somebody stabbed Sharon in all the possible places she could get stabbed. Alaska was dumping her, on valentines day, after she almost says she loved her… She couldn’t process her.

‘’I’m sorry I… I have to respect that you wanna leave so, go’’

Alaska’s face had a confused expression on it: ‘’Oh! No, I don’t wanna break up, hell no!’’

Sharon almost cried, she didn’t want to break up. That made her so happy.

‘’Then what it is?’’

‘’I know like is what young kids do these days. And I’m not the old fashioned ‘i wanna wait until the wedding’ kind of girl, but I want to wait a little bit you know? Because I love you, but when we graduate and I go to college it would be safer…’’

It couldn’t be real, she sighed in relief. Her silly girlfriend, her adorably silly girlfriend was the love of her life. She immediately held her and kissed her forehead:

‘’I don’t wanna have sex with you, silly. I mean I want to you’re really hot who wouldn’t? But not now’’

‘’I’m sorry I’m so dumb-’’

‘’No! You’re smart… So smart, I-’’

‘’Then what did you planned?’’

Sharon grabbed the wine and the chocolates: ‘’very fancy, huh?’’

Alaska laughed, the sound of her laugh was ethereal, and music to Sharon’s ear.

‘’And… There’s this, but open when you’re home’’ she handed her the photo album.

Alaska nodded and held Sharon: ‘’thank you, thank you, thank you. You’re the best girlfriend, you’re the best person’’

For the rest of the afternoon, they drank the wine, ate the chocolates, and just loved. Without caring about anything else, without worrying about anything. It was almost sunset time, but they were too busy - and a little bit drunk - to go out to see it. Alaska got wrapped in Sharon’s arms, while she rubbed her thumb on her arm. They were watching Mean Girls, and both of them agreed they were a not mean version of Regina and Janis.

Heaven was a place on earth when they were together.

‘’I love you’’

Alaska whispering that made Sharon burst into tears again. No one made Sharon cry as much as she did. She loved her. She… She loved her back. She felt scared of that, things would go fast, but as much as she was with her she would lose all her fear.

‘’I love you too’’ she kissed her cheek ‘’so much, I want to hold you forever and never let you go.’’

They were so in love that they didn’t realize the yelling, the same yelling Sharon heard every morning. They didn’t realize when Cerrone left the room scared, because he could sense that danger was coming. They were too busy kissing for paying attention to Sharon’s mom calling her name over and over. Alaska’s lips were so soft, nothing else mattered but that moment where her lips never felt sweeter.

A slam in the door, two slams, three… They didn’t hear. They lost all their senses in that kiss, and it didn’t seem like they would come back. Well, now the door was open, and Sharon’s parents gasped.

The yelling she heads all the mornings now was way louder and directed to her. Awful things, she didn’t even think she would hear from her own parents. Her dad was so mad that in one moment she threw the bottle of wine in the wall, that made Alaska start to cry. Seeing Alaska crying broke her heart if that was only her dealing with that situation it would be better. But when her angel baby was crying, she wanted to feel all her pain in her place instead.

It happened so sudden, in one moment they were the happiest ever, and now they were miserable. Sharon held Alaska’s hand in all the process, rubbing her thumb on it, but it couldn’t make her stop crying. Her parents only talked about God, about how they both were freaks. They said they were mad that they all breathed the same air. It wasn’t a thing a parent would say to their children, it wasn’t even a thing a human being would say to another.

Patricia was talking the most now. Sharon’s dad was quiet, shaking his head. Alaska couldn’t stop tearing up, Sharon in one moment started to cry too. But then minutes later her dad showed who he really was.

‘’I’m tired of all this shit, I’m fucking tired of this girl whining Patricia’’ He seemed done. “This fucking dykes… In my house.., Under MY roof.’’ he looked at Alaska and pointed a finger to her ‘’I’m disgusted with you'’

He grabbed Alaska by her arm, Alaska whined in pain. His nails digging into her skin: ‘’Freak’’ he slapped her face

Her arm was almost bleeding. Sharon was crying, begging for some mercy on Alaska. She didn’t support to see who she loved suffering like that, she would rather die.

‘’Please, stop it! Dad, don’t do it with her. Do it with me, leave her alone’

Her dad let Alaska go, only to drag Sharon to the nearest wall - where he broke the glass of wine. She got cut by the rests of the bottle and more tears ran into her face.

‘’You’re not my daughter, you’re not the girl I raised. You’re a lost girl, just like your mom. The difference is that I fixed her, the same way I’m fixing you now…”

Suddenly her mom slapped her dad in the face. Breathless. Alaska was with her head on her knees, sobbing her heart out.

‘’Alaska, go home, never appear in our sight again and never tell anyone about this! Do you hear me? I don’t wanna even hear your name again’’

Scared, Alaska nodded and left in a matter of seconds. Her dad was still mad, but her mom got into her senses. After locking Sharon in her room, they had a long chat - that involved yelling and crying. Sharon was crying too, crying her soul out. Thinking about Alaska, thinking about how her spirit was still all over the room. She only wished she could go back, freeze at the moment they were loving together, live there forever.

‘’Now let’s talk like a normal family. A normal family with a lesbian on it…’’ Her mom sighed, opening the door.

‘’I hate you’’ Sharon yelled.

She saw her dad almost slap her face again, but her mom prevented him:

‘’You hate us, and you hate God. But God loves you, and we do too. So we are going to cure you, Sharon! Nobody is born gay, deviant. There’s no such a thing, you were born straight, you’re not a lesbian. God doesn’t make mistakes so he made you straight, but you make mistakes: that’s why you choose this way’’

That words were so fake, Sharon wanted to slap her mom across the face, but she only could sob. Of course, she didn’t believe that her mother was wrong. She the one who was making mistakes there, being so intolerant and toxic.

Now, everything was numb as she was suffocating in the toxicity. But she had to handle that, because what choice did she have?

[…]

Sharon woke up with noise again. It has been one month, but the noises were new. They came from the bells indicating that the morning mass was approaching. Sharon knew what she got to do, get dressed, remind her roommate Phi Phi that she had to wake up. She was basically the only person she talked to on her awful place.

That place in question had an awful name: ‘’Saint Bernard School For Problematic Teens’’. A school that was a conversion therapy center disguised as a boarding school. It was incredible how these places existed, even if they violated the law. As if the homophobia from religion wasn’t enough, they had this place there nearby the city she used to live.

Now she had to pretend she was being ‘’cured’’, getting forced to go “back to be straight”. She couldn’t have any contact with home before they think she’s doing ‘’progress’’. that included any type of contact with Alaska or her past, or anything that reminded her of it. She could never see the love of her life again, and that made her so miserable, she didn’t even want to live anymore.

What they didn’t know is that Sharon always sobbed her name alone in the bathroom, crying her heart out. That place wasn’t home, it was everything but home. It was a dirty place, that made her heart numb instead of happy. Her parents thought that was the best for her, but she only could cry every day.

She missed Alaska, she missed Cerrone, she missed her room, her clothes, and her guitar. She missed what meant home for her, all the big, and little things.

As the rules said she had to make her bed, but she didn’t care that morning. The only thing that motivated her was one Polaroid of Alaska she found in one of the jackets her mom forgot to get rid of. She was in her uniform, smiling and holding her baby cat while Cerrone was on her feet - probably jealous. A tear fell from her eyes while she analyzed the picture, she missed them so much. They were her real family.

Phi Phi noticed that nostalgic and melancholic Sharon on the other side of the room:

‘’C’mon party city, I know you miss her! I bet she’s lovely, and it worth it to be here because of her… Look, I know what you’re experiencing, but if we get late we will have to do chores, I do not like them. So can you… Rush?’’

Phi Phi also had a secret girlfriend before getting sent to that place. Sharon knew that she was there for a very long time, so she probably saw herself on Sharon. She had an Alaska too, and every night Sharon heard her call her name while she was asleep, saying she loved her. She knew she wasn’t alone, that made her bittersweet - a lot of people like her were there, they would comfort her. But they also were experiencing her pain, and she wouldn’t wish that to anyone.

And they left for the mass. The hallways were crowded with students as the students. A peculiar girl called her attention, like a light in the dark. She wasn’t wearing a uniform, and she seemed to be scared, running away. It would be impossible to run away from there, so it must be somebody from outside.

‘’…Sharon?’’

When she heard that voice she was sure miracles existed. But then she disappeared in the middle of the crowd. It could be a morning hallucination: she used to see Alaska in many places when she was sleep deprived. It could be a different girl, it could be her imagination. Sharon didn’t know what was real anymore.

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justaroacethings · 6 years ago

Text

For my lovely aros and arospecs:

A few Netlix movies & shows with romo ratings to help you this Valentine’s Day

One Day At A Time - has a gay main character, and later a nonbinary character. A revolutionary comedy show that deals with important issues like racism and classism, family issues, religion, feminism, anxiety and depression, alcoholism and PTSD. SUCH A GOOD SHOW

Romo: ❤️❤️

To All The Boys I Loved Before - a bit amatonormative, but my favorite straight love story. Also about family and navigating platonic relationsips

Romo: ❤️❤️❤️❤️

Every Day - such a cute love story, one of my favorites. Pansexual culture!

Romo: ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

The Kissing Booth: this movie is romantic, but I like the importance placed on friendship. A bit sexist and amatonormative but...

Romo: ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

Breakfast Club - a classic teen movie everyone should have seen. Timeless. The romance is kept to a minimum and I love the platonic relationships that form.

TW: abuse, mentions of s*xual assault

Romo: ❤️❤️

Perks of Being a Wallflower - a classic movie that isn’t too amatonormative. Deals with a lot of important, bigger issues. TW: s*xual assault

Romo: ❤️❤️❤️❤️

Footloose - another classic. 80’s small town life for a city boy, religious aspects. I always like to focus on the music/dancing and the platonic/family aspect more. TW: abuse

Romo: ❤️❤️❤️❤️

The Blind Side - I was ecstatic to see this movie on Netlix! A wonderful feel-good movie with romantic nonsense, deals with racism and a great family dynamic

Romo: ❤️

Sherlock - intellectual drama about solving crime and mysteries. I always love watching this show but it requires a lot of concentration. Romance is kept to side characters

Romo: ❤️❤️

The Other Woman - a movie about women cheated by the same man. Lots of sexual references but women sticking together.

Romo: ❤️❤️❤️

Carol - a love story about two women in the 1950’s, a bit slow-paced for my taste but cute! Not exactly a feel-good movie...

Romo: ❤️❤️❤️❤️

Birdbox - a dystopian movie about an unseen evil, and a brave woman attempting to rescue two children. Almost a thriller. A little romance in the plot, but nothing overwhelming

Romo: ❤️❤️

Black mirror - San Junipero (season 3) - a wonderully different lesbian/bi girl love story with a twist. I love it - so cute and nostalgic. This isn’t a dark black mirror episode, though still with futuristic technology.

Romo: ❤️❤️❤️❤️

Black mirror - Hang The DJ (season 4) - a new perspective on dating. Also not dark, but set in a futuristic society that could not be more amatonormative. A twist on fated love

Romo: ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

Stranger Things - a sci-fi show about a group of boys in the 80’s, with government conspiracy and supernatural danger. Great family dynamics and friendships

Romo: ❤️❤️❤️

The Hobbit - an adventure movie. Basically no female characters, but at least it keeps the romance to a minimum! Lord of the Rings prequel

Romo: ❤️

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cavitycandy · 6 years ago

Note

1, 2, 8, 12, 14, 24, 30, 34 ,35 ,36 ,40 ,54,, 92 for sweetheart asks uwu

OH SHIT! BITCH!

1. First love

OISDJG OSIDJGSdg OH BOY ugh ok so disclaimer she ended up being straight so :/ but uh

Ok so she was in my pe in 8th grade and GOD she was so pretty!!!!! and TAll too! I just,,, i really liked her and yknow,,,i felt kinda crushed! when she was like “oh i’d never date a girl!” and i mean like! I still loved being her friend and sometimes i wonder what would happen if she was,,yknow, bi or gay or some shit,,AH

2. Most Beautiful Songs

Uhhh hhh. So Gus Dapperton songs in general are really nice. also Mother Mother is pretty nice. Uh also Of Monsters and Men

Songs are like “Of Lacking Spectacle” by Gus,,uhh “Get Up” by Mother Mother and “king and lionheart” by OmAm are really pretty

Also “Soul In My Body” by Pinc Louds is nice! “Lavender Blood” by Fox Academy is also pretty! And “Paradise Valley” by Honey and the Sting. Also “Don’t Graduate Senpai!” oh and uh “1950″ by King Princess

8. Best Trip

So when i was 13, my family went on a weekend trip to San Diego (it was like a 2 hour drive, not too long). We stayed in this little hotel, and the place was really nice! It had separate rooms and bedrooms n shit. It was a super,,,calming experience and I’d really just wanna go there with my really close friends on day! Fuck eyah!

12. Who do you look up to?

Hayley Kiyoko lsakdgjlkasdg. I love how open she is and how bright she always is like,,,i strive to be like that when i’m older. And i want to sort of,,,,BE that role model for young lesbians like how she is yknow alskjglkasg

14. Songs that make you feel good/Happy

Oh boy! uhh “Too Much Time Together” by San Cisco,, “Dont Stop/Color on the Walls” by Foster the People,, this is gonna sound weird but uh “Changing My Major” from Fun Home (just cus like,,this is a lesbian being proud of herself!!! wow!!!) “Born this Way” by Lady Gaga,, “Back in your Head” by The Regrettes,, “Buttercup” by Jack Stauber, “Hit and Run” by Hayley Kiyoko,, yeah!

24. Ya got a crush, dumb fuck??

Uhh yeah, kinda! However, my dumb bitch brain has come BACK and convinced me that they hate me but also they invited me to do this thing with them so!! haha! But like,,yeah so uh,,,,they’re in my asl class and they sit near me and like!!! i really like them!! They make me laugh and feel pretty comfortable and like!!! Gotdamb!!! i cant really put it in words yknow!! Like!! Fuck mate i wanna,,fuckin love you!!! damb!

30. The most beautiful thing in life?

JUst like!! THose times where idk, you like,,come back from school or some shit and just,,,lay in bed for a little while??? I just like looking at the clouds and just,,,laying down! Ideally would lay down on a blanket in a field of flowers with gf however! on bed is next best thing!

34. Who makes you happy?

Oh damb ok so uh,,,my friends, like! Gotdamb yall are like,,,closer to me than my family????? i fucking love yall so much!! GOt damb!!!

35. What Makes you happy?

When my palms arent fukcing SWEATy?? like, the fuck bithc/???? i need to draw???

But also jsut like,,,drawing in general,,especially when i’ve got an idea!! THats the shit!!!!

36. Ideal Life??

OOOOH BABEY

Ok so,,i’ve cut off ties with my mom (shes homophobic and overall a really shitty person) and i got to pursue my dream job as an animator! and got damb! Im successful! And like,,,i create a show about this superhero i made,,and she’s indian and gay, like me,cus fuck mate i wanna see a girl like that in a TV show! And i’ve married a pretty gal and we got! a home! and adopted kids and some fucking CATs cus YEAH babee!!!

40. Who’s you’re closest friend? What do you love about them?

MAte i shall not choose! I am too close!! damb

so uh

Nick - honestly hes just,,really fun to talk to and like! i always feel so happy when i talk with him? Like when he moved away i was sad as fuck! But like! Yeah i love that funky comrade!

May - slkdjg lskdgaH S hE,,,shes really rational and she cares so much about us,,shes so great i love her lkasdgjalksjgd

Liv - My babby girl!!!! I swear to god the moment i found out she was a year younger i instantly became her mother. She such a sweetheart alksdjglksag i love her so muchs ssagks

Lillly - Ok so we met after i criticized her art in 7th grade without knowing,,and im so greatful for her??? Like i love how much our relationships grown n shit! yeah! love that hoe!

54. Most romantic thing someone’s done for you?

LKSJDGOIJSDOGI JSDGISDGS?????/?/????? WHOMT??????LSDG KSJDGLk

ook so either thats yet to happen or someone HAS done it and im a clueless dumbass

92. Last Time you felt calm, with no worries?

Uhhh LKSJDLKGJSLKDG

probably during like

the weekends n shit cus like,,i really aint got shit to do, so i’ll just fucking! sleep!

big thank uwu

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being-demisexual · 7 years ago

Note

a member of the lgbtq+ community who i used to look up to and admire just told me demisexuality isn’t a real sexuality...i’m secretly a sensitive person and what they said is kinda making me feel sick rn and i need some reassurance...on the other hand, how can it not be a real sexuality if it’s what i am? just let people identify how they want, you know? i see a lot of criticism of “new” sexualities that apparently people make up to feel special, their identity isn’t anyone else’s business?

First of all, I want to apologize for taking so long to respond to this and thank you for being patient!

And honestly, my advice is just to drop whoever it was you looked up to. You can appreciate what they did and said for you before the incident and realize afterwards that they weren’t the person that you thought they were and you have now grown beyond them. They are small-minded and not worth your time.

There are all these transphobic gay and lesbian people out there. Sure, they can be lgbt, but that doesn’t automatically win them good person award points. People say stupid shit all the time. It isn’t worth getting worked over about because you’ll end up being disappointed in everyone. Best thing you can do is regret that they’ve shown themselves to be a less-than awesome person, appreciate what they taught you before you found out, and move on and keep being a wonderful person.

Also, when you really think about it, the sexuality demisexual probably didn’t even exist until quite recently. I mean, in the 1950s, at least some people were doing the date thing where you go out to get milkshakes together or go on drives around town or did whatever people in the ‘50s did for fun to get to know your date. And then, after you got to know them and were “going steady” or whatever, then you maybe had sex or maybe you didn’t. It was a more conservative time, and while there were plenty of girls willing to break social convention to have sex before knowing the person, girls who wanted to wait were pretty normal. The term demisexual didn’t exist because it was seen as the standard, so girls and boys who didn’t want to have sex right away weren’t necessarily seen as stuck up or prude, though the stigma did exist, just maybe not to the extent it does today. And if we go back before that, things like courtships or whatever the equivalent the lower classes did existed, which was a whole period dedicated to getting to know your partner before you got married or had sex. And if your marriage was arranged, it was expected that you weren’t necessarily attracted to your partner.

The way I think about it is the way I think about elbows. See, Shakespeare invented the word elbow. However, the elbow was around for long before Shakespeare was even in diapers, obviously. So maybe we didn’t call it an elbow, we probably called it something else, but it still existed. So did demisexuality used to exist before 2005? Absolutely! We just called it something else or didn’t recognize it for what it is.

Anyway, I hope this helped!! Sorry once again for taking ages to respond

#answered

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toongrrl-blog · 4 years ago

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Pink Power Rankings (Pt. 2)

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This is our next segment of “Pink Power Rankings”, I hope to do a few more in the future, including ones centered on the American Girl dolls and the Disney Princesses. The video above is the famous “Think Pink!” musical number from Funny Girl, so without further ado, time to rank these pink moments!

The Gorgeous Ladies Of Wrestling

This is a show where wrestlers do their thing on a ring bordered by pink ropes, so of course pink is going to come up....a lot. Even when it comes to donuts and abortion ( “I like pink things” “Well if you liked pink things less, you wouldn’t be in this situation”). The show centers on a team of diverse women wrestlers and their manager (Sam Sylvia, played by a hilarious Marc Maron) and producer (closeted Bash Howard, played by the appropriately 80′s Ken lookalike Chris Lowell): struggling actress Ruth (by a charming Alison Brie), former soap opera star and housewife turned wrestler and co-producer Debbie (the talented Betty Gilpin), stuntwoman and coach Cherry (a beautiful turn by Sydelle Noel) and her stunt-double husband Keith (utterly likable Bashir Salahuddin), daughter and sister of wrestlers Carmen (a winsome Britney Young), cheerful Brit Rhonda (the multi-faceted Kate Nash), wolfgirl Sheila (a dry Gayle Rankin), the humorous single mom Tammé (former wrestler Kia Stevens showing off brilliant emotional chops), the outrageous religious Jew Melrose (Fran Drescher lookalike Jackie Tohn), hairdressing kayfabe duo Stacy & Dawn (Kimmy Gatewood and Rebekka Johnson), Indian American bisexual med student Arthie (Sunita Mani a.k.a. the Turn Down For What girl), Olympian and taciturn Reggie (an athletic Marianna Palka), Valley Girl seamstress and former refugee Jenny (the eye-catching Ellen Wong), and the extroverted stripper and breakdancer lesbian Yolanda (a triple-threat Shakira Barerra).

In the Season 2 finale of the show (and as a bid to keep the undocumented Rhonda in the United States) they stage a wedding ceremony for Rhonda where the rest of the wrestlers are wearing pink and gold leotards with ruffled sleeves (how 80s is that), which they integrate into their Vegas show in Season 3. In the first episode of the season, several things go wrong: Debbie and Ruth (in their wrestling roles Liberty Belle and the Soviet Zoya the Destroyer) comment in the local news on the Challenger spaceship launch where the rocket explodes in the air while Ruth is absorbed in her role as the heel, a fire alarm goes off at the casino during dress rehearsal which Jenny blames on her lighting incense to cleanse the atmosphere for the show (turns out to be false to distract from the doldrums of the tragedy), and the girls play on the tables and later have a successful show. A huge up in a show about the ups and downs of show business.

Power Ranking: 8.

The Plastics

“On Wednesdays we wear pink.”

One of the many rules to abide by if you are in North Shore High’s exclusive popular clique, The Plastics. Cady has been homeschooled abroad since she was a child and is transplanted to a surburban high school where it looks like dealing with social dynamics is going to be a lot tougher than knowing what to do if you encounter a lion out in the wilderness. Led by the ruthless and manipulative Regina George, the clique is formed up of girls who are the most privileged and prettiest in the high school (and when you look at it Regina is co-opting the power that comes with being the daughter of the founder of Toaster Strudel or being really pretty) and they keep a Burn Book of all their girl classmates (and one gay guy) where they write insulting things about them. They are quick to punish by calling your mom on the phone and telling her you got some urgent results from Planned Parenthood or by laying claim to your ex-boyfriend. But the leader Regina is a unhappy girl whose mother is more interested in pleasing her than nurturing her and she feels she cannot apply herself to intellectual activities because it’s “uncool” and that she has to be underweight to be the pinnacle of beauty, she belittles the self-worth of her most loyal friends for their intelligence or their popularity and views Cady as competition. Also as Regina learns, the student body is actually afraid of her and they are willing to laugh at her when given the chance.

Power Ranking: 4.

Andie Walsh

I would be remiss not to include the main character of the film titled: Pretty In Pink. Our character is very smart, going places, hard-working, and a fashionista with her signature color (despite the hideous prom dress) and she has been disappointed in love by her richie boyfriend (and being hit on by his sleazebag friend and her childhood friend) and despite the prom look here, she has killer fashion sense. It’s a shame she cut up her maternal figure of a friend’s old 60s (cute) prom dress and another party dress to create this monstrosity.

But she hits this prom to prove to the rich snobs at her school that they haven’t hurt her. And that is power.

Power Ranking: 9.5 (0.5 taken off for hideous prom dress!)

The Pink Ladies

The ultimate Pink clad clique, their pledge is to act cool and to be cool, til death do them part they think pink! They are the all female counterparts to the male T-Birds (the Burger Palace Boys in the original, edgier, musical) and they are interested in subverting the 1950s script for young women...to an extent, to be fair they don’t have a language for subverting respectability but it’s clear often they are mostly dates for the T-Birds. The girls actually do things that were considered shocking for mature women in 1959: they make out and have sex, it’s implied Rizzo gets an abortion (or it was a false positive), they wear pants and shorts, they indulge in the same vices as the boys, they have (gender-appropriate) ambition, multiple romantic partners, talk back to any boys bugging them or remarking on them, pierce their ears (no really women mostly had clip on earrings back then), and they wear clothes for comfort and even clothes that showcase their sex appeal.

But one of them gives Sandy the now problematic behavior, it would have been more subversive if Sandy was encouraged to forget about Danny (which I think she did). But it was the late 1950s and it was hard for a female rebel.

Power Ranking: 8.5.

Taina Morales

The criminally underrated (and short-lived) sitcom Taina centers on a Nuyorican teenager and her family as she attends a performing arts high school as she works her way to becoming a singer and actress. Fushia, not plain pink, was Taina’s color and the color she picks for her Quincenera dress instead of the garish pastel pink ballgown her mother wants her to wear (as tradition). The episode covers the conflict regarding young Latinas and the pull between what mainstream American culture demands (consumerism and individualism by any means necessary) and the culture of their family’s homeland (which is more collective and built on hierarchy and just as shitty for women as individualist “Me first” culture). I want to say this to my non-Latina and non-Latinix readers: me and my sisters are dealing with a lot, we have demands from relatives who only see our age and youth and not the capable people we already are who have us flipping tortillas at 5 or watching younger siblings after school instead of a after-school job or extracurriculars or even hang out with friends and a mainstream culture that demands we all assimilate and be “real Americans”, try to be understanding and supportive.

It’s difficult but you have to set boundaries and assert your vision....lest you be a horror story from Say Yes to the Dress (Atlanta and Bridesmaids).

Power Ranking: 10 (some folks have no idea).

Deb Bradshaw

This is Deb Bradshaw, a resident of Idaho where fashion and tech-wise, everyone is stuck in the 1980s and 1990s and it was the mid-2000s. She sells handicrafts and takes glamour photos to raise funds for college and she hangs out with a couple of teenage boys who are quiet (Rico) or awkward (Napoleon) as she. Right now Napoleon’s sleazy Uncle Rico gives her a ad for breast enhancement supplements on the ruse that Napoleon recommended them for her. What does she do? Cry?

Nope. She calls Napoleon and tells him off for supposedly dissing her appearance, tells him she is content with her figure and he can take those supplements himself. In a time that was pushing girls to be sexy and hot and fun and extroverted to impress guys and where fashion was designed to show off impossibly slim, toned, and busty figures with long legs, it was something special.

Power Ranking: 9.8

Little Jordan Sanders

Once up on a time (the early 1990s) there was a nerdy little girl who felt she wowed her fickle classmates and then a mean girl pulled a prank on her that landed her in to the hospital, from there she vowed she will do the bullying before anyone else bullies her.

So she becomes a nightmare boss whose employees can’t stand her (to the point where they are listening to relaxation tapes saying “So you want to slap your boss”) and she forbids carbs in her workplace as she doesn’t eat them. She gets confronted by a little girl with a magic wand who puts a spell on her that doesn’t seem to take but then Jordan wakes up in her preteen body again and has to attend middle school all over again where she gets bullied.

So what does Jordan do? She arms herself with a huge Birkin bag and a pink power suit with a white plaid pattern and makes her way to school and manages to corrupt her new tween friends with her cynical world view. But at some point she embraces her inner geek girl and wakes up an adult woman again.

Power Ranking: 7, it’s a front but a fabulous front.

Midge Maisel

This is the night that Midge would have been made for life....and the night where she burns a bridge with a friend and puts her’s and her manager Susie’s future in jeopardy.

So after starting a career in stand up after her husband leaves her for his mediocre secretary, Midge gets to perform stand up at the famous Apollo theater before pop singer Shy Baldwin’s concert (part of his cross-country tour), this is the community he grew up in and where the local middle-aged mothers bake him goodies so he’d be persuaded to date their daughters. But Midge, a privileged Jewish American woman, is a fish out of water amongst the mostly African American audience and performers.

So she starts to make jokes about Shy’s stage persona and hints at him being a closeted gay man which all bring down the house and impress the audience (and keep the Wop Wop Man at bay)....but then Shy’s manager reveals they have kicked her out from the tour for what she has done. For once the fabulous but thoughtless Midge has faced the consequences of her actions.

Power Ranking: 10, she made an impact alright.

Meg Griffin

By far more the least empowered woman on this list or the list before (even more than Barb who got killed by a monster), Meg Griffin started Family Guy as a ordinary teenage girl who wasn’t popular at school but was assured of love from her then-loving, but dysfunctional and nutty family. Then after a brief cancellation and protests brought the show back, the show and even her family (along with the whole community) started bashing her and calling her “ugly” or dissing her for her weight to the point where the show was being (rightfully) accused of misogyny. Meg so far has had her father fart in her face, her mother try to seduce her boyfriend and leave her pills to potentially OD on, her obese brother gets popular and doesn’t invite her to his party because she doesn’t fit a narrow “boob to butt ratio” (seems like Family Guy hates body fat on women unless it’s on their boobs), her baby brother loves to feed off her tears and to her face told her to become bulimic, and her family dog tells her that God doesn’t exist because she has a shitty family (complete with a Mom he lusts after) and she has “a flat chest and a fat ass”.

Also this “pink condom hat” wearing teen is dished crap by the writers because they claim not to have knowledge of writing teenage girls, gee what could be an improvement on that problem?

Is it any wonder that this girl may have violent episodes?

Power Ranking: 1 (most of the time).

Quinn Morgendorffer

From day one pink has been a color that Quinn wore and while she updated her late 90s baby tee look with deeper colors and modest cuts, pink has remained a primary color. Actually pink has been her preferred color since childhood, her color for school dances, for camping trips, what she wears as a Mommy/Beauty vlogger, the color for the background Jane uses for her abstract portrait of Quinn,

Quinn’s motivation is to be the most attractive and popular girl around, likely stemming from her father’s trait of needing people to pay attention to him, and coincidentally pink is what helps her fit in with her parents and helps her stand out from the Fashion Club, and it helps her align with the late 1990s standard of beauty and femininity (also somewhat aided by her grandmother) that prizes long, shiny, bouncy hair and a teeny weeny nose with microscopic pores, and a fat free (except for the boobs) body over intelligence and substance. This serves to set her apart from her sister Daria, who decides to go against the role. Which is sad because Quinn is very witty and savvy with a gift for fashion analysis and the sisters show a propensity for getting along much better than their mother did with her sisters.

Later in the series, she starts maturing and leans more into her intellectual gifts, thus her jeans and shirt get deeper in color and flaunt her slender mid-section less (they still show the outline of her silhouette). She starts pulling away from her shallow clique and deals with a new friend with alcoholism (not much of a resolution at the end), thankfully somewhat like her sister, she can provide kinship over (cheeseless) pizza and diet soda.

Power Ranking: 10, Family Guy writers take notes.

Daria Morgendorffer

Pink is the color of mortification for Daria. She is the only member of her family to not have a pinkish or reddish tone in her coloring (unless you count her traditional orange shirt under her green blazer and black skirt, something that calls to her mother’s power suit) and femininity seems forced on her. In fact the only time pink was used as a power move was when she used it to convince her sister to stop being a pseudo-intellectual by dressing up like her.

In this image from the tie-in book The Daria Diaries, we see that a younger Daria is dressed up in a high-necked and puff-sleeved nightmare of a pin dress that looks so infantile, that likely Helen forced on her (Quinn would never pick that, no matter how mad Quinn is she would never make someone wear something if she didn’t think it was flattering), and while her mother and sister are in yellow-toned frills that closely matched their tastes, Daria stands apart glum and wishing someone would save her from this fashion emergency.

Power Ranking: 4, just loose the collar at least?

Glinda the Good Witch of the North

The Good (but slightly bitchy) Witch of the North is the representative for how powerful pink can be in 1939 (or rather any time because Oz operates outside our world). She is the guardian (was she battling the Wicked Witches of the East and West for supremacy while the Munchkins were terrorized? Gosh a lot of WWII allegories here) of Oz played by the closeted Bisexual and hilarious Billie Burke, she is good but not above encouraging munchkins to sing about how happy they are that the wicked witch is dead. While munchkins run around scared when the Wicket Witch of the West shows up to corner Dorothy and get the ruby slippers back, Glinda cooly plans on snatching the slippers and poofing them on Dorothy’s feet and drops shade on the Witch.

But Glinda is one to remind the characters (and the audience) that they needed to discover the power within them to achieve their goals and come out the other end stronger, no one can make you believe that.

Power Ranking: 10, this look is so iconic.

Kim McAfee

Truly an iconic pink look and not bad for a role where Ann-Margret makes her big break. The teenage Kim MacAfee, member of the Conrad Birdie fan club, gets pinned and is chosen to kiss Conrad during his farewell concert before he leaves for the army. Quite the glow up! But she has to deal with a jealous boyfriend who doesn’t want Conrad around (probably because he can’t make her scream and faint) and her feelings of “I don’t need him but I really want him with me”. This outfit was stunning and meant to convey a lot in 1963: it’s pants, it’s Schiaparelli Pink rather than a dainty pastel like she wears here, it shows off her figure, she sings about kissing men from Yale to Purdue while Conrad and her boyfriend Hugo sing about hot chicks and they all sing about having a lot of living to do. Of course Hugo leaves and she is distraught, up to the point where she kisses Conrad Birdie and Hugo sucker punches him in front of a live audience. She happily ends up with Hugo and wishes Birdie well, as opposed to when she is devastated over him heading to the army (is it no accident the sexists from Mad Men like the first version?).

Power Ranking: 9.5, truly iconic and the outfit to wear when you attempt to be a sexually liberated woman who doesn’t need a possessive man.

Caroline Brooks

Speaking of big breaks, this is the film where Esther Williams (the codifier for swimming musicals and synchronized swimming) makes her big break in a iconic career and it was quite an impressive entrance. And then starts a decade-long career of water ballet musicals and swimwear, the film isn’t remarkable for it’s plot (enjoyable rom-com) but for the impressive swimming sequences that show off Esther’s athletic skills (she was eligible for the 1940 Olympics). That is a way to make an impact with pink.

Power Ranking: 20.

Courtney Gripling

Who’s the girl in the pink capris?

It’s Courtney, it’s Courtney!

This song was sung two times in the show and it tells you a lot about the inner workings of a sweet but sheltered and often insensitive Middle School Queen (for measure, she sings this in a sparkly dress at a friend’s 13th birthday party, friend doesn’t mind though). Courtney would definitely be the kind of girl who’d wear white to a (Western) wedding.

Pink (or peach or lavender or blue or cream) has been a signature color for Courney since the very beginning: it was the color of her pajamas, she told Ginger she looks really good in the color when she borrows sleepwear from the girl, she wore “Popular In Peach” nail polish for her exams the semester before, and she even wore the color of skirt and blouse she wore when she got bullied in high school and learned her family was losing their McMansion and their money (even her port-a-potty was pink with baroque gild). It highlights her delicate and privileged background, like lace or fine china, it will get spoiled.

So this girl, who got by with people being hired to do her homework and sung about herself at another person’s birthday party and had a talent show performance where she and her friends wore blonde wigs and matching costumes (with face masks of herself), the girl who was shocked to find out summer camps don’t have masseuses, the girl who wore platform sandals in the winter, or that Mom losing her platinum card is not the catastrophe she thinks it is.....suddenly finds her family in poverty after her father was caught doing white collar crime.

So sad, she was always better than Ivanka.

Power Ranking: 6.5, glorious look and character but not likely to be invited to anybody’s wedding in the future.

Cher Horowitz

It’s fitting the premier teen fashionista of Beverly Hills undergoes her enlightenment and makes up with her friend in a matching pink preppy ensemble. Cher Horowitz (despite clearly taking some lead from her BFF Dionne’s more sophisticated and colorful take on Bev Hills fashion) has been a trendsetter in-universe and at the time the film came out.

Before the film came out, fashion was inspired by grunge or still stuck in the late 1980s or dominated by neon colors and power dressing and or mixing and matching, then the costume designer for the film (Mona May) decided on taking a twist on the preppy look, while keeping some sportiness and the colors of the time (even nodding to Beverly Hills 90210). May subtly updated looks that Sally Draper and Nancy Wheeler would have worn and for the rest of the decade teen girls were sporting mary janes, plaid, collars, floaty dresses, pastels, stripes, and knee socks.

At the start of the film, Cher thinks she knows it all and she is the most popular girl in her school....she doesn’t really know it all (she’s Clueless). She does aspire to be more and do more (and sometimes plagued by insecurity) and takes new grunge girl Tai under her wing and gives her a makeover that makes her look like a shorter, redhaired, and curvier clone of Cher herself until Tai gets swollen in the head and Cher realizes she loves her ex-stepbrother Josh. After an argument, a humbled Tai (in a style that combines the preppy femininity she learned in Beverly Hills and her skater geek inclinations that manages to hold well into the mid 2000s) makes up with her and they watch Tai’s love interest shred out.

Here we see Cher in her feminine prep but the casual look and the prints help her empathize with the crowd on the grass.

Power Ranking: 9.

Miss Piggy

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, and it may be necessary from time to time to give a stupid or misinformed beholder a black eye.

The ultimate diva in pink, with all her charms, cannot attract Kermit the Frog and the woman who assured at least one generation of girls that they don’t need to be slender princesses to be the leading lady. Before Elle Woods, Miss Piggy came in with blown out wings and curls and in pink outfits assured of her own place in show business and of her own beauty and especially during an era when society was learning (slowly) to accept other forms of female personality and challenging gender roles. She was a revolutionary clad in the style of women of the Golden Age of Hollywood and made a mark for more body inclusivity in entertainment and transcended the girly girl/tomboy dichotomy that had been around to enforce stereo-typically feminine behavior and set up women to compete against one another.

Power Ranking: 10.

Blossom

Sugar. Spice. Everything Nice. Chemical X. These are the things that created a trio of super-powered kindergartners, the leader wearing a large red bow over her long red locks and has a pink dress (and improbably large pink-colored eyes). These girls had to save their city from monsters and evil villains while attending Kindergarten and making time for their playroom. Blossom was Miss Perfect personified: cute, long pretty hair, perfect grades, ladylike behavior, intellectual, emotionally mature (she acted more 10 years old rather than her actual age of being born in a 5 year old’s body); but being Miss Perfect can make you blind to the resentment of others (she is rather bossy) and being liked and holding that as the standard could let you get run over. It’s fortunate that Blossom is learning how to advocate for herself and break the rules to save the day (like beating up evil senior citizens) now rather than at 14, 17, 24, 32.....

Power Ranking: 11.

Renee Bennett

Renee Bennett (as played by Amy Schumer) is insecure about living in a world that seems to stop for women fitting a narrow standard of beauty, which doesn’t concern her as far as she’s concerned. Now Renee wears pink a few times in the film, highlighting her femininity and desire to be universally beautiful. She happens to make a wish to be beautiful during a rainstorm and the next day, she goes to Soul Cycle where she falls off a bike, hair gets caught in the bike and she hits her head and wakes up seeing a different person in the mirror.

Now she walks around the world as if she was confident in being one of the most beautiful women in the room, if not the world. Suddenly her clothes show more skin, they are more twee (the bright colors and pastels), she’s taking huge fashion risks, and participating in bikini contests. Of course every film high hits a low where the protagonist’s ego is swollen, her friends feel alienated and later she bonks her head and believes she is back in her old body and no one has seen how “hideous” she is. Later she finds the confidence to “come out” as she is (as far as others are concerned, she hasn’t changed her looks too much).

Power Ranking: 7.5

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l-l-kristofferson · 7 years ago

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My History Of Being Bullied

***DISCLAIMER: IF YOU HAVE PTSD FROM BULLYING AND ARE EASILY TRIGGERED, DO NOT READ. IF YOU ARE LOOKING FOR INSIGHTING INTO BULLYING AND A PERSONAL ACCOUNT FROM AN LGBTQ PERSON, ENJOY! THANK YOU IN ADVANCE.***

At some point in life, a kid will experience bullying. It isn't something that is uncommon nowadays. In the 1950's and 1960's, it was seen as "toughening kids up", especially for boys who were seen as "wimps". For girls, it is about degrading someone that is different from them. For the popular crowd, it is seen as the hierarchy of things to pick on those who aren't as talented or pretty. I was unfortunately one of those people who fell victim to the alienation of bullying. This is my story.

It started around twelve or thirteen. It was when I first came out as bisexual. I initially came out to my cousin Emily. She was older than me at the time (an eighth grader. I was a sixth grader). She didn't have a problem with it at first. But as I got older, she started to become more enveloped with her faith and said that it was wrong for me to feel that way. Naturally, I distanced myself from her. Despite this initial positive reception, I decided to come out to my classmates at school. That was by far one of the BIGGEST mistakes I have ever made in my life. The initial shock was felt around the room and majority of the girls looked at me with disgust. The guys didn't exactly care. So it was a mixed bag.

But for the rest of my junior high experience, I was subject to rumors and ridicule. A lot of the rumors centered around me liking certain boys in our grade. One was a guy with the same last name as me, his name was Rolbis. Although it wasn't true, a lot of the girls would make me feel self conscious by saying that I was just denying it. They kept saying I was straight and that I didn't really like girls if I found a guy attractive. The more I denied the rumors, the worse their accusations became. Eventually, I just grew thick skin to it and was like yeah yeah yeah, I like this guy. But when this got old, the girls switched to another tactic. Some of the girls would come close to where I was sitting, in a group usually, and ask me what girls in the class I thought were pretty. This made me feel awkward about myself, seeing as I didn't really look at a lot of the girls. Though I thought a lot of them were pretty, I wasn't going to give them more ammo to ridicule me. So I would say that a lot of them were pretty or I would decline to answer them. When this was unsatisfactory, they asked which girls I'd date. This I refused to answer altogether. They thought my silence meant I thought the girls weren't worth dating. Succumbing to guilt, I'd be quick to answer them to avoid backlash. Nonetheless, junior high wasn't a fun time.

When I got to high school, I came to the realization that I solely liked girls. Mostly became of my history of guys being jerks to me in the past (thanks Dad). I told a few friends I had made my first week at school. By week three, it was all over the freshman populous that I was a lesbian. That's when everything started. I told the stories of having my clothes and shoes stolen at gym, the guys dumping me in trash cans and holding me in closets and the men's room, and I talked about the story of Samantha how many times now? But there were little things that I haven't talked about like the fact I would get pelted with textbooks by people who passed me in the hallway. I was hit with paper balls, spit balls, pens, pencils, small cartons of milk or containers of juice, I even got hit with a few apples and oranges. If it wasn't physical or psychological, it was mental. I'd get anonymous notes, slipped into my bag or put on my desk during class, saying things like "You're ugly", "You are not normal", "You are unnatural", "No one will ever like/date you", or "All fags will die". As a teenage kid, it brings on a lot of emotions that were hard to combat. I talked about how depressed I would get and not want to go to school because I wanted to avoid the torture.

School wasn't the only place I didn't feel welcome. Among my own family members, I didn't feel welcome. For those that know me, they know that I don't exactly proclaim religion. I was Agnostic for a long time. As I studied religion in some of my required courses, I leaned more toward a Buddhist philosophy with Christian morals. It's not "ideal" by most standards, but it makes me happy. Anyway, I come from a religious family. My maternal grandfather is a pastor and has been recognized by Spanish rectories since 1983. So I was fearful to come out to my family. But when I was twelve, I told a friend who could not keep her mouth shut and she outed me to my mom. My mom didn't react at first. But on the drive home that night, she did enough to make me uncomfortable about coming out. One of the statements she made was, "Just because I tell my friend she looks pretty and that she has nice lips doesn't mean I want to take her to bed." I was already upset and this further distressed me. At one point, she started to hit me from the driver's side at a stoplight. I started to cry again before she stopped to continue driving. Throughout high school, she wasn't supportive of the bullying but said that these were the consequences of my choices. This was after I walked into the house with a black eye, bruises, and cuts one day.

It may all sound bad but my mom just didn't know how to handle it. She had gay cousins and friends. But it's different when it's your child. Although she doesn't understand fully that I am transgender, she still loves me as I am. I am grateful to have her. I hope that with time, she will open her mind more and come to accept and respect my decision to transition later on.

However, my father was a different story. He knew I was struggling with my sexuality when he and my mother first got me a therapist as a teenager. Or so he claimed. So when I came out as lesbian, he became more disapproving. Whenever I would talk about a girlfriend I had or even hanging out with a girl, his tone would change. He has said to me multiple times that it was "ungodly" and that "I need to pray to God and find a man". My dad made it clear to me by sixteen that he wasn't going to accept me as a lesbian. But I still gave him a chance. A couple years ago, a former friend invited me to be her date for Junior prom. I was excited about it because I didn't go to my own proms in high school. But when I told my dad, I was again met with disapproval. After that, I stopped trying. I made an effort to distance myself from him and his rigid, negative comments. He claims to love me. But he doesn't love the parts of me that make up who I am. I didn't even bother to tell him that I was transgender because I already knew what his reaction would be. When I was growing up and after I came out to him, my dad would always bring up this gay friend he had. It wasn't his friend, it was his gay friend. He talked about how his friend struggled and how his friend was always depressed. I now understand that he was trying to deter me from an LGBTQ lifestyle.

Dad, if you happen to read this, I am not your friend. I am your child. I have struggled to be who I am. I have tried to deny who I was for a long time. I was honestly more miserable pretending than I was being who I am. So if you can't accept me as a man and your son, then you can stay out of my life. I have no room for your oppression and false sense of love. It is not love if you are making it a requirement for me to change and be a "woman". That isn't the life for me. I am happy to accept myself as a man and I plan on taking the steps to become who I am meant to be.

For my brother, it was kind of the same story as my father. I officially came out to him at fourteen. He didn't have a reaction. So I assumed I was okay. But when I did get into relationships with girls, he would always ask who the guy in the relationship was. That would always irritate me because when I said I was, he'd laugh at me. I told his girlfriend that I was transgender. In return, she told my brother. She told me that he laughed at the idea. This again irritated me. He wouldn't and doesn't understand. He is a cisgender male. He was born into his body. He did not have to spend his entire life questioning who he was. He knew who he was as he grew up into what is now considered a man. He has never had to deal with rejection from girls because of his appearance, feel uncomfortable with his body, or feel conflicted between what he should be and what he feels he should be. I am not saying that all cisgender people don't know or cannot relate to their transgender counterparts. I am saying that my brother does not understand anything about me as a transgender man or anything about the LGBTQ community. He has a similar, if not the same, attitude towards LGBTQ person as my father. He's the apple that didn't fall far from the tree.

After graduating high school, I thought that college would be very different. It was. But the homophobia didn't exactly disappear. I didn't encounter it a lot, but there were two people I encountered that infuriated me. The first was a girl by the name of Danielle Maguire. I had met her when I was taking placement tests at my school. We became quick friends. She said that she came from a single parent home and her father had passed away when she was young. She also told me that one of her brothers had autism and that she wasn't exactly in the best place financially. She would have fainting spells from not eating. Being a nice guy, I provided a listening ear for her problems and some food to keep her going. But when I began to struggle financially myself, she would ask why I didn't buy her food anymore. I told her why and it didn't satisfy her. That should have been my first red flag. But I ignored it. As time went on, I went into personal struggles at home. Being friends, I felt I could tell Danielle my problems. But she shoved them off, saying I was being a drama queen. In the back of my mind, I was pissed off. You're supposed to be my friend and you're telling me to get over it? Damn. Some friend. After a year, I was fed up with her behavior. So I cut her off and went on my way. I'm glad that I cut her off. Because after I did, I found out more about her. I found out that she was a homophobic, racist bigot. She makes remarks about different ethnicities and is prejudicial against anyone LGBTQ. I'm sorry but God does not like ugly.

Another person I had an encounter with was actually a teacher. He was a priest named Father Mark. I was struggling at home and fell asleep in his class once. I wrote him a letter about why and told him what I was going through. In that letter, I revealed my sexuality and the trouble of my relationship at the time, along with the fact I was struggling at home. From that day, everything changed. He treated me differently from every other student. If he asked a question and I raised my hand, he would wait for others to raise their hand and call on them instead. When he did pick on me to answer a question, he would pick it apart and find everything wrong with it. It went on like this for a while. I considered dropping the class. But I toughed it out. Come finals day in his class and I made a joke about how we were all about to die. Some people laughed and Father Mark took off his glasses and he said stop. The room fell silent and I grew irritated. I couldn't even make a joke? Wow. After I finished, I left the room. When I did, I turned around and flipped off the door. I ended up getting a B+ in that class. In your face Father Mark.

I have told a couple of my cousins about me being transgender and they are accepting. I have a lot of friends that accept me as Allister. I have some friends that have met me as Lucas or Luke. Needless to say, I am surrounded by a lot of positivity when it comes to my preferred names and gender pronoun preferences. For my family, I know it is going to take time. Everyone knows me as my birth name and it's been my name to them since I have existed. But I hope they can adapt to the new me.

Thanks for listening. Write again soon.

#writer #writing #outandproud #iamhappy #iwillnotpretend #positivity #acceptingpeople #iamgrateful #lgbtq #transgenderman #bullyingisnotokay #bullyingawareness #iamstrongerthanthem

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filmbutch · 7 years ago

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Lesbian/WLW Movies

Since it’s pride month, I thought I’d share some of my favorite wlw movies (with a focus on lesbian movies since I’m a lesbian) and summaries/thoughts about them. Movies with a * next to them have a director or writer who is a wlw, or are inspired by source material created by a wlw.

1. *But I’m a Cheerleader (1999) dir. Jamie Babbit: This is on every “top lesbian films” list for a reason. It’s about a cheerleader named Megan who is sent away to a conversion therapy camp because her friends and family think she’s a lesbian. Though it deals with a dark subject, the movie is satirical, fun, and campy. It has a happy ending and is super cute! It’s my favorite movie of all time and one of the first lesbian movies I watched.

2. *The Watermelon Woman (1996) dir. Cheryl Dunye: “Cheryl, a young black lesbian, works a day job in a video store while trying to make a film about a black actress from the 1930s known for playing the stereotypical “mammy” roles relegated to black actresses during the period. It was the first feature film directed by a black lesbian.” (Summary from letterboxd.com). The movie alternates between clips of Cheryl’s documentary and her life. It’s super interesting, features butch characters, has a neutral ending, and was an instant favorite of mine.

3. *Carol (2015) dir. Todd Haynes: A shop girl and photographer named Therese falls for Carol who is in the process of divorcing her husband. 1950s New York City, features a road trip, great costumes and cinematography, robbed of an Oscar imlo (in my lesbian opinion), has a hopeful ending, idk what more you could want. It’s one of the few movies I’ve seen multiple times in theaters. Also part of it takes place around Christmas time so it can technically count as a Christmas movie. It was based on the book The Price of Salt by Patricia Highsmith, which was the first lesbian pulp novel without a tragic ending.

4. *The Handmaiden (2016) dir. Chan-wook Park: One of the headlines about this movie called it, “The Korean Gothic Lesbian Revenge Thriller That’s Captivated Cannes,” and honestly that’s the best way to describe it. It also has great costumes and cinematography and a happy ending. It is inspired by the book Fingersmith by Sara Waters.

5. *D.E.B.S. (2004) dir. Angela Robinson: A high ranking spy and a super villain fall in love. It has a Disney Channel original movie vibe to it, except it’s super gay and more on the PG-13 side. Like if you’re tired of wlw movies being to depressing or serious, please watch this, it’s probably the most cheesy and fun movie on this list and possibly ever. The short this movie expanded on is also worth checking out.

6. *Saving Face (2004) dir. Alice Wu: Wil is a closeted lesbian who dates a woman named Vivian who is openly gay. The movie explores Wil and Vivian’s relationship, but has a greater focus on Vivian’s relationship with her mother and how she balances being gay with the values of her family and community. It’s super cute and has a happy ending. The film was inspired by the writer/director’s own experiences coming out as a lesbian in the Chinese American community.

7. *Pariah (2011) dir. Dee Rees: A movie about a black, butch lesbian named Alike, who’s parents (especially her mother) disapprove of her sexuality and gender expression. Great cinematography. The ending is sad because her parents are unaccepting, but it is implied that Alike is now on her own path in life and will have a better future.

8. Fried Green Tomatoes (1991) dir. Jon Avnet: A housewife named Evelyn visits a woman at a nursing home, who tells her stories about her sister-in-law Idgie who owned a cafe in Alabama in the 1920s. Idgie has a close relationship with a woman named Ruth, and they raise a child together. Idgie and Ruth aren’t shown kissing/being physically intimate/etc in the movie, but it’s still fairly obvious that they are in love. The ending is sad, but the movie is still worth watching imo because the story is interesting and Idgie is just that amazing of a character. The book this movie is based on, Fried Green Tomatoes at the Whistle Stop Cafe by Fannie Flag, is gayer than the movie.

9. Imagine Me & You (2005) dir. Ol Parker: During Rachel’s wedding ceremony to a man, she is drawn to the florist, Luce. Luce is an out lesbian, and as Rachel and Luce become closer friends, Rachel starts to question her sexuality. This movie has a typical romcom vibe and a happy ending.

10. *Desert Hearts (1985) dir. Donna Deitch: “The story of straight-edge literature professor Vivian who travels to Reno to get away from a relationship breakup when she falls in love with an attractive and unconventional girl named Cay.” (Summary from letterboxd.com). This movie is often cited as the first lesbian movie with a happy ending. Deitch also became the first lesbian director to have a sex scene between women seen by general movie theater audiences. The movie is loosely based on the book Desert of the Heart by Jane Rule.

11. Grandma (2015) dir. Paul Weitz: Lily Tomlin plays a widowed lesbian who helps her granddaughter raise money for an abortion. It’s great.

12. Dope (2015) dir. Rick Famuyiwa: High school senior Malcolm and his friends Jib and Diggy bond over 90s hip-hop and try to avoid the trouble that comes their way when a drug dealer fills Malcolm’s backpack with drugs at a party and Malcolm flees with his backpack, unaware of the drugs inside. Diggy is a lesbian and although she’s not the focus of the film, I’m putting Dope on this list anyway because I love her that much (and it’s a good film in general).

13. Boy Meets Girl (2014) dir. Eric Schaeffer: “21-year old Ricky is a transgender girl living in a small town in Kentucky with big dreams to move to New York and attend a school of fashion design. Ricky is working as a barista and spends most of her time hanging out with her only friend Robby who has been by her side for the past 15 years. One day while Ricky is at work, a girl from town named Francesca walks in, a friendship unexpectedly blossoms, which then turns into an affair.” (Summary from Wikipedia). Ricky has relationships with both men and women, so she is most likely bi. This is also one of the only films (if not the only film) that I know of with a trans wlw character. There are definitely still some issues with the movie, but it is a lot better than most portrayals of trans characters in media, and Ricky is played by a trans actress.

14. All Cheerleaders Die (2013) dir. Lucky McKee and Chris Sivertson: A horror/comedy about cheerleaders getting revenge on the boys on the football team featuring wlw and supernatural elements. Honestly I’m not even sure how to explain this effectively, but it’s wild.

15. Pride (2014) dir. Matthew Warchus: “Realizing that they share common foes in Margaret Thatcher, the police and the conservative press, London-based gays and lesbians lend their support to striking coal miners in 1984 Wales.” (Summary from Google).

For other wlw movies that I’ve seen you can check my wlw list on letterboxd, which I’m still adding to. Happy pride month!

#lesbian #wlw #movies #film #long post #p

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polixy · 5 years ago

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Q&A: How and why we studied online dating in the U.S.

Q&A: How and why we studied online dating in the U.S.;

Online dating is, in a sense, the latest iteration of an old idea: People have been using digital technology to help them find romance since the emergence of computer dating services in the 1950s and 1960s. Today, as punch cards and room-sized mainframes have largely been superseded by smartphone apps and websites, technology continues to reshape how people connect with each other.

We spoke with Monica Anderson, Pew Research Center’s associate director of internet and technology research, about the Center’s latest report on the world of online dating. The interview has been edited and condensed for clarity and concision.

It’s been several years since we’ve done a survey about online dating. Why did you think now was the time to revisit the topic?

Monica Anderson, associate director of research at Pew Research Center

One of the longstanding themes of the Center’s work is how Americans find romantic partners and interact with loved ones. We’ve extensively documented the changing demographic nature of marriage in America, and conducted multiple surveys on the way technology is changing dating and relationships.

This new survey builds on this body of work and, for the first time, gives us the ability to compare experiences within the online dating population on such key dimensions as age, gender and sexual orientation. Therefore, we hope this research helps to shed light on the diversity of experiences of online daters and bring own voices to the broader conversation around today’s dating environment.

This year also marks the 25th anniversary of the launch of Match.com, which has grown to become one of the biggest online dating companies in the world. This helped us to think through the way online dating has evolved over the past two and half decades and look for ways to measure if some of the initial stigmas around online dating, such as those related to personal safety, are still present today.

What, if anything, has changed in the way you’ve asked about online dating in this survey compared with the research you’ve done previously?

To begin with, the current survey was fielded online through the Center’s American Trends Panel (ATP), while the surveys conducted in 2013 and 2015 were done via telephone. This move is a broader reflection of survey research in general, with online probability samples like the ATP becoming a more common way to field surveys, due in part to declining response rates for traditional telephone surveys.

Additionally, our previous surveys asked about dating websites and dating apps separately in order to differentiate between more desktop-centric platforms versus mobile-only versions. But today’s digital landscape is one in which people are using desktops and smartphones more interchangeably. Online dating companies also are offering up both desktop versions – like the one Tinder launched in 2017 – and mobile friendly ones. With this in mind, we decided to update our survey to measure website and mobile app use in one question.

Even with these differences, it’s clear from this survey and outside research that there has been a notable jump in the share of Americans who report using dating sites and apps. For example, the share of American adults who report using dating platforms in this current survey is similar to the share found in Morning Consult’s early 2018 survey about online dating. Other studies show that online dating is playing a larger role in how people meet romantic partners, compared with the early 2010s.

What findings from this report strikes you as particularly notable?

One of the things we wanted to measure in this survey is how, if at all, people’s experiences with online dating differ by sexual orientation. One of the striking findings in the report highlights how much more common online dating is among those who identify as lesbian, gay or bisexual (LGB), compared with those who are straight. More than half of LGB adults (55%) say they have used a dating site or app, but this share drops to 28% among those who are straight.

Other studies have found a similar pattern. The differences are often attributed to the fact that the internet helps those from groups who have a smaller pool of potential daters – such as those who identify as gay or lesbian – to identify and meet potential partners. Other sources point out that online dating may offer those who are LGB a safer or more private way of meeting romantic partners than in-person ways of meeting.

This survey also finds that LGB online daters are more likely than straight users to say their overall experience with dating sites and apps have been positive rather than negative, and that they have found a spouse or committed partner through these platforms. But LGB online daters are also far more likely than those who are straight to report experiencing other, less positive sides of using dating sites and apps, such as receiving sexually explicit images or messages they didn’t ask for or being called an offensive name.

Some findings show a darker side of online dating. For example, younger women are more likely to say they’ve had negative interactions. How do these findings fit in with what we already knew about online harassment?

To gain a better understanding of the prevalence of certain behaviors on dating platforms, our survey measured four different types of incidents that online daters may face on a dating site or app. We found that 57% of women ages 18 to 34 who use these platforms say someone on a dating site or app sent them a sexually explicit image or message they didn’t ask for – roughly twice the share of male users in the same age range.

These findings are similar to those in previous Center studies that focused on online harassment more broadly – not just in the context of online dating. A 2017 Center survey found that young women were far more likely than young men to say they had ever received explicit images they hadn’t asked for. We also found gender differences along these lines in our 2018 survey of teenagers, with higher shares of teen girls saying these received these types of nonconsensual messages when compared with boys.

This research highlights how more sexualized forms of online harassment – regardless of the venue – are a common part of the online experience for younger women and teen girls.

What does the survey tell us about how differently people view online dating, depending on whether they have or have not tried it?

There are some interesting patterns that show how personal experiences with digital technology can inform attitudes. Americans who have used a dating site or app tend to think more positively about these platforms, while those who have never used them are more skeptical. This is especially true with questions about the safety of online dating. A majority of online dating users say these platforms are a very or somewhat safe way to meet others, but that share falls to about half among those who have never used these platforms (71% vs. 47%).

There are more modest differences when it comes to views about the impact and success rate of online dating. Users of dating sites or apps are more likely than nonusers to believe relationships where people first met through a dating site or app are just as successful as those that began in person or to feel as if online dating has a had a mostly positive effect on dating and relationships.

; Blog – Pew Research Center; https://www.pewresearch.org/fact-tank/2020/02/06/qa-how-and-why-we-studied-online-dating-in-the-u-s/; https://www.pewresearch.org/wp-content/uploads/2020/02/FT_20.02.05_OnlineDatingQA_feature.png; February 6, 2020 at 10:09AM

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