#gandalf go home lmao

[finchletteplayslotro]

EXCUSE ME WTF?! YOU GOTTA BE SHITTING ME!

[cowboybeepboop]

The only one

“Kili, you can’t tell anyone about this.” “So it’s our dirty little secret then?”

Paring: Kili Durin x afab reader

Genre: romantic smut

Word count: 2.2k

Summary: You’re Bilbo's adopted human daughter and he takes you along on the journey. Kili has his heart set on you and after getting involved in the fight he gets angry with you for putting yourself in a dangerous situation.

Warnings: public sex, arguing, jealous Kili, hickeys, p in v sex, hickeys??? Idk what else I always forget

a/n: I did not proofread and its lowkey a summary of the first movie? This is my first smut regarding anyone in the tolkien universe but I did write some sad fluff at some point lmao. Anyways, please like and send any requests if you want <3 tags go absolutely wild

You’ve been an adopted hobbit for the last 18 years of your life, Bilbo was always comforted in the known so when he brought you along with him and the dwarfs on their journey you were beyond surprised. Your presence was unexpected for everyone, except Gandalf of course, and most of the company was against your involvement. The dwarves saw you as frail and weak, the only one on your side was your dad, but of course he was.

Kili has kept an eye out for you since you joined the company, he makes sure you're safe and also just enjoys looking at you.

__________

When Elrond and his fellow elves come back the dwarves pull you and your father behind them and create a circle around you. You stay behind your Bilbo as the elves talk with Gandalf.

Upon your entrance to their dining room you look around with wonder, you sit down between Kili and your dad. “They're so beautiful,” you whisper to Bilbo, he nods with a gentle but awkward smile. Kili’s ears twitch as he looks around, his eyes narrow on an elf who has his eyes on you, he moves closer to you wrapping his arm around you.

“You think so?” Kili questions, his jaw clenching slightly, “I think us dwarves are better looking, stronger too.” he says pridefully, you chuckle in response.

“Is it a competition now?” you cock your head, “You’re very good looking too, Kili.” he smiles wide.

“Is that so? I am the best looking of all of the company, aside from Thorin of course.” you laugh, putting your hand on his arm.

“A bit full of yourself huh?” he shoves your shoulder gently in response. Kilis arms finds its way around your waist as he continues to glare at the elf who dared to look at you, who did he even think he was.

Gandalf, Bilbo, and Thorin wander off with Lord Elrond, leaving you with the dwarfs. You watch quietly, laughing with them and listening to their conversations before you feel yourself drifting off to sleep. Kili quietly sits next to you letting your head fall to his shoulder he smiles, covering you up with a blanket.

__________

After the company left the palace Thorin led everyone to the Misty Mountains, Kili keeps you in front of him. He insists that it’s better that way so if you fall he can catch you. As the rain picks up your feet slip under you, Kili and Fili grasp your arms quickly, pulling you back onto the ledge.

“Thank you,” you say softly as your eyes look over the ledge. Kili keeps a hold of your arm tightly as you all try to avoid the stone giant's blasts. The ground splits under your feet as the mountain takes shape as a giant, you grab onto the stone behind you before everyone begins to slide forward.

The stone giant slams into the mountain, throwing everyone off of it and onto the ground. Thorin yells for his nephews as the rest of the company runs over, Kili helps you up dusting your clothes off and checking to make sure you weren’t hurt anywhere.

After all the commotion everyone settles into the cave, Bilbo pulls you off to the side and quietly talks to you, he tells you about his plan to leave once everyone is asleep. “Why dad? What's wrong?” you whisper to him.

“Thorin is right, we never should've left home, I’ve put you in danger and I can’t let anything else happen to you.” he sighs as he runs his hand through your hair, “It’s okay, we’ll be fine.” he smiles reassuringly.

You both gather all of your stuff and sneak out, he leads you by the hand. He pulls you behind him as he talks with Bofur, you stay quiet looking around the cave. You didn’t really want to leave the company, I mean they were becoming your friends, you enjoyed the company.

“Y/N?” Kili mumbles as he looks up at you, he yawns. “Where are you going?” You crouch down putting your hand on his shoulder.

“Go back to sleep Kili, you need your rest,” you smile sweetly.

The floor splits and you slip down with everyone, Bilbo gets away but you are guided off with the dwarves. Your eyes fill with terror as you look around, you take a hold of Kilis hand squeezing tight as the goblins push you all around. You cower behind him, holding onto his shirt tightly.

Once you get out the dwarves all argue over where your dad went, your head drops as you think that your dad couldn't possibly have left you all alone. He reappears and you rush over to hug him, his hands drop to your waist as he smiles.

“Y/N!” Kili and Bilbo yell at you as you try to defend the dwarves with your small blade; it goes into the center of the wargs head, and Kili grabs you and pulls you up to the tree with him. His hand wrapping around your waist as he holds you close.

“Don’t move,” Kili’s voice is angry as he demands you to stay put. His hands dig into your slides as you look below your feet. Kili’s hands slip away as they start to throw the pinecones, the tree begins to fall, you grasp onto the trunk as tight as you can. His hands wrap around the tree, his eyes focused on you.

As Thorin and your father begin to fight the orcs, your eyes squeeze shut tightly, you try to focus on anything but the attack of Thorin. Kili pulls you up and onto the ground, insisting you stay put as they go to fight. You look forward, clutching the blade you retrieved from the corpse tight. As all of the commotion ensues you feel yourself being picked up by an eagle.

Once you all are in a safe place you watch as Gandalf helps heal Thorin. You stand next to your dad, holding onto his arm, as Thorin goes in for a hug you let go of him and move back. Your eyes wander to Kili who turns his head in order to avoid eye contact with you.

As the company moves forward you come across an area close to a river, Gandalf suggests that you all take a break and bathe. You and Kili were the last to go, you were paired up at the recommendation of Fili.

Kili guides you to the river, holding his weapon close to his chest, he’s been giving you the silent treatment after you got in between a fight. “You can bathe here, I’ll keep watch.” his voice stern.

“Kili..” your voice trails off as you look at his back, trying to pull his attention to you.

“Y/N, just take your bath. It’s getting dark.” Kili’s tone is extremely cold. You pout your lips as you begin pulling your clothing off slowly, once you finish you slip into the cold water.

“You can turn back now,” you say softly before you dip all the way under the water, holding your breath and squeezing your eyes shut. After a while you break the surface of the water sliding your hands over your face pulling the water back with your hair. Kili had turned around keeping his eyes on everything but you.

“Kili,” you wave him over, “come here, please.” you bite your lip as he gives you a bored expression.

“What is it?” he walks close to the bank of the river, his eyes scanning your face.

“Shouldn’t you join me? You're supposed to bathe as well,” he sighs, turning his back to you again.

“Fine, turn away.” he sets down his sword and strips quickly. You face the other way as he slips into the water with you.

“Kili, what is your problem?” you huff, spinning around with your arms crossed over your breasts.

“What do you mean?” his eyes are half closed as he looks at you with a slightly annoyed expression.

You move closer to him, “I mean, you’re acting so rude for no reason. You won’t look at me, you barely talk to me, you’re being so dumb” you glare at him, “So what is your problem?” he rolls his eyes at you.

“I don’t know maybe the fact that you threw yourself into harm's way? You could’ve gotten yourself killed,” he yells at you while running his hand through his hair.

“Calm down Kili,” you move close to him, putting your hand on his arm. “I didn’t expect you to get all worked up like this, I know I should have been more careful but I just wanted to help.” your eyebrows furrow as you look down.

His warm hands grasp your upper arms “You really worried me Y/N,” he presses his forehead against yours.

“You worried about me?” a sly smile paints itself on your lips, “does that mean you like me Kili?” your voice is soft and teasing. His ears turn a deep shade of crimson as he turns his head up.

“Y/N cut that out,” he puts his hand on the side of your neck, his eyes flick to your lips.

“Cut what out?” you wrap your arms around his neck pulling yourself close to him.

“You know what,” he clenches his jaw, your hands running down his back as you wrap your legs around his hips.

Kili pulls your face to his, hovering his lips over yours “Quit teasing me,” he whispers. Your hand snakes up to the back of his head, cradling it as you push your lips against his. His hands move to your waist, his fingers dig into your soft flesh as he hugs you tighter against him.

“Mahal,” he pulls away, pressing soft kisses down your face and onto your neck. You lean back letting his lips trail over your body, your nails scratch his scalp softly as you arch into him.

“Amrâlimê,” he whispers against your collarbone, “you’re driving me insane,” Kili groans. He grasps your face pulling you in for an intimate kiss, he’s getting more intense with his affections, his hands squeezing your hips roughly.

Your hand trails down his chest tracing every muscle on his stomach, he begins grinding against you while holding your hips against him. Pulling away from the kiss you gasp for air, leaning your head against his shoulder, you wrap your hands in his hair pulling it off to the side. Kissing his neck roughly you begin to leave soft marks on his flesh as he massages your ass.

“Y/N..” he mumbles into your ear, you moan softly as he picks you up, moving into shallow water. “Can we..?” his ears flush as he looks away, “I mean, would you mind?” you chuckle softly.

“Mhm,” you move your hips against his thigh, feeling him twitch underneath you. “But we’ll have to be quick..” you kiss his shoulder as his hands pull your hips up, he lines himself up with your hole, pushing the tip in.

“Let me know if it hurts,” he says gently, his hand finding its way to your neck grabbing ahold of it pulling your head back as you moan softly. He bucks his hips up into you, leaning forward you bury your face into his nape hugging him tight as you moan into his skin.

“My precious girl,” he groans as he slowly begins moving your hips up and down, his fingers digging into your soft skin, leaving red marks. You moan into his ear as you begin riding him, your arms wrap tight around his neck, eyebrows furrowing as you squeeze around his dick.

Kili cradles your head against him, holding you as close as he can, thrusting up into you pushing as deep as he can. Your head falls onto his shoulder, he moves a hand down to your sensitive clit, rubbing circles into it.

“I’m so close,” you moan, Kili nods in response.

“Me too,” he groans, his hands exploring every part of your body as he pulls you into a passionate kiss.

“Hey, Y/N, Kili, hurry it up.” Fili yells to you, causing the both of you to jolt up. Kili pushes himself into you as deep as he can. You bite your lip as you cum around him, your hole pulsing.

Your back arches, silent gasps leaving your open mouth as you ride out your high. Your whole body seems to tense up causing Kili to groan while he cums deep inside you. He pulls you off of him giving you a sweet kiss.

“Now we really need to clean up, and fast.” He says lowly, his hands creep up from behind you gasping your sides as he pulls you into deeper water to rinse off. You sigh contently as he holds your body close to his.

After quickly cleaning yourselves up; you both get out, drying off before putting your clothes back on.

“Kili, you can’t tell anyone about this.” you bite your lip as you turn to him, his eyebrows furrow. “Bilbo might actually get so mad he tries to kill you,” you giggle softly as his face relaxes.

“So it’s our dirty little secret then?” coming close to you he wraps his arms around your neck giving you a deep kiss. “But we will get to tell everyone later, right?” he pulls back, eyes scanning yours.

“Yes, Kili,” you kiss the tip of his nose, hands resting on his shoulders, “but let's wait it out for a bit, okay?” he smiles in response.

[autistook]

How would the fellowship spend a day at a shopping mall? I've been thinking about this for far to much time, and I want someone else's thoughts.

FELLOWSHIP AT THE MALL

Frodo: Goes to a small tea shop and spends the whole time there, because he can't make up his mind.

Sam: Follows Frodo like a puppy, until he spots a gardening shop and buys like every possible useful tool. Glances at Merry and Pippin's activities and rolls his eyes.

Merry & Pippin: Use the tiny carousel for kids, running to ask Aragorn, Gandalf and Boromir for more coins to put in it because they are high as hell and having the time of their lives. Probably go eat junk food for cravings and most likely Pippin goes to run around a comic book store, while Merry goes to a book store to buy a stack of complex and informative books. Pippin has ice cream and accidentally drops it on the floor of a toy store, because he went there for fun.

Boromir: Mostly just sips coffee and chit chats Aragorn, keeping an eye on Pippin.

Gandalf: Spends his time groaning at high Pippin. Maybe goes to see a 3D-movie and eats popcorn with a large smirk on his face. Also goes to a book store, but avoids Merry at all costs, accidentally ending up in the toddler book section - and he sits down to read Peppa Pig or some shit - and accidentally reads the whole series because "wow how will this continue?"

Aragorn: Coffee with Boromir, keeping his eye on both Pippin and Merry. Keeps Pippin running errands for him in his hyperactive, high state. Boromir lifts an eyebrow at his schemes, to which Aragorn just shrugs his shoulders and sips his cappucino with a smug smirk.

Legolas: Wanders around body shop, smelling all the different shower gels, body creams and what not, trying all the testers and eating some, confusing the people working there. Does this for HOURS. Probably tries all sorts of donuts if there's a cafe that has them, and buys a lot of weird ass clothes for the fellowship because "wow, x would love this." Buys himself a lacy, oversized bra because he is curious. Gives it to Gimli at home.

Gimli: When he is not carrying all of Legolas' shopping bags and rolling his eyes, he can be found listening to Gandalf reading Peppa Pig - and he is so fucking into it.

Bill the Pony: Didn't get inside, even though Merry and Pippin tried to put a trench coat, sunglasses and a fedora on him as a disguise.

Thank you for this ask LMAO

[nostalgiafactor08]

What soft love songs the Fellowship dedicate to you (and why) <3

In the mood to make myself cry, plus I’m in my ‘i was i wasn’t lonely’ phase of the night.

Pulled most of these from my notes app lmao, and i listened to each one while writing, I highly recommend giving them a listen!

GN! reader, mostly you/your used :) (Obviously some songs will involve specified gender, please correct as you need, and remember that these characters would absolutely make these changes as well)

GIF by legolasimagines

Frodo Baggins - Hopelessly Devoted to You - Olivia Newton-John (Grease)

He definitely has the distinct memory of the classic slow burn moment of “Oh. Oh.” happening, where he realises just how much he loves you. He knew he was head over heels, and he looks at you like you hung the moon. And if you sing it to him- UGH😩💙. IN LOVE, HE SHALL BE. He probably hums it a lot when doing work or writing. Of course, the lyrics are quite relatable to him. Frodo has this internal belief that the person/people he love/s can’t love him nearly the amount he adores them. He was willing to sit around and wait on you, in the hopes that you would see him in the same way. His brain knew he should just move on, but he couldn’t let go, and he’s glad he didn’t. He’s so devoted to simply loving you.

“Hold on to the end, and that’s what I intend to do. I’m hopelessly devoted to you~”

GIF by frodo-sam

(gotta appreciate that me looking up his name resulted in a bunch of po-tay-toes memes. anyway. back to the hcs)

Samwise Gamgee - Hello, Hello - Elton John ft Lady GaGa (Gnomeo & Juliet)

He’s a sucker for meet-cute stories, and would unironically love this movie, even setting aside this banger of a song. The moment he saw you, he felt captivated by your beauty, whether or not the meeting went well or if you fell on your face. The song is just so cheerful and wholesome. He probably told you that the song reminded him of you, and that sparked the romantic relationship. Every time this sequence plays he’ll just look at you (if/when you watch the movie). PLEASE SING THIS AS A DUET WITH HIM AAAA. (He isn’t Elton John, but his voice is lovely 🥰)

“Hello, hello (Hello, hello), my, my, my, what have we here?”

GIF by tossme

Peregrin Took - I’ll Be - Edwin McCain

Honestly it’s hard to explain this one. It’s just so soft and sweet and really describes how he feels about you. Also as the youngest and a, quoting Gandalf here, “fool of a Took!”, the line “and I’ll be, better when I’m older…” is just- MWAH. This song reminds me of him honestly. He is, as the song states, “your crying shoulder”, the “greatest fan of your life”. Everything about you takes his breath away. We all know he’s the best singer in the fellowship, and its just gorgeous to listen to him sing it, especially because he means every word. He also probably dedicated this to you early on in the relationship, and it was definitely your wedding song (if you got married).

“I’ll be, better when I’m older. I’ll be, the greatest fan of your life~”

GIF by thorinsbeard

(tumblr needs more Merry gifs istg-)

Meriadoc Brandybuck - Nothing - Bruno Major

Honestly you wouldn’t expect such a lowkey song for such a high energy guy, but he’s a sucker for lazy days and sweet moments. He’s, as he likes to say, ‘work-avoidant’, and just wants to spend all his time on you. He also finds the song easy to sing to you, so thats a plus. The lyrics just resonate with him, similar to my picks for Pippin and Frodo. He’s very competitive, but he honestly doesn’t mind losing to you. He pretends like romantic or soft movies don’t make him cry, even if they do. He gets the appeal of going out and drinking and laughing, but just staying at home with you just sounds so much nicer to him. Its all about the little things in life with him, the small moments, the laughs, and every ‘I love you’ that makes him feel lighter than air.

“Dumb conversations, we lose track of time. Have I told you lately? I’m grateful you’re mine~”

GIF by thefandomimagine

Aragorn - Dark Red - Steve Lacy

He knows how dangerous his work and life is, and he’s always had this fear of leaving you behind (hence the ‘something bad is ‘bout to happen to me’). He only sees you in his life, no matter who else is wanting for his attention, he’s so devoted to you. He only hopes that you’ll stay by his side and fight with him, and he’s not willing to give up on you. No, he refuses to give up when you are involved, and he fights so hard to keep you safe and protected. The song also is easy to mumble to you when he’s tired, and it’s soothing for him to listen to. It’s just a symbol of how much you mean in his life, and how he trusts you with his heart.

“Only you, babe, only you darlin’, only you~”

GIF by reactionimages

Legolas - Lover - Taylor Swift

Unabashed Swiftie in general, but this song just hits different. So first off he probably already called you his lover, and when he found the song he thought it was perfect. I can definitely see him learning guitar and playing this song for you as well. Into the actual song analysis, this song frames his want to be close to you, the mysterious way he was drawn to you, the way he felt like time flew by whenever you talked. Also I feel like he’s made jealous relatively easily, and that’s also in the song. His heart has been borrowed before, but he’s glad he’s ended up with you, to hear your jokes, save you seats, and call you his lover. He definitely likes to sing this to you late in the night, and i can see him humming/mumbling it whenever the two of you just stand and hold each other. Its so wholesome, and he loves the way your eyes light up when he sings it with all the love in his heart, all of it for you.

“You’re my, my, my, my… lover~”

GIF by tlotrgifs

Gimli - If You Love Her - Forrest Blakk

Honestly, he’s not a very observant dwarf, but he does pay attention to you. He knows you, and he cares a lot. Protective of you to a fault, but just wants everyone to know that they shouldn’t take you or your heart for granted. He hates to admit it, but he thinks you are precious (I’M SORRy-) and every small thing about you is worth taking note of. And he does, so he knows exactly how to make you happier. He’s your personal hype-man, and truly believes that you are the best thing he has ever had. He uses the song as a guidebook on how to treat you, and while he won’t say it, or sing it, he does play this song for you and leave in a huff, just hoping you’ll know this song is meant to say that he loves you. (He might even dub it over with your preferred pronouns for the big reveal, and it’s quite funny)

“They’ll love you, if you love them like that~”

GIF by myrkvidrs

Boromir - Summer Love - The Workday Release

Boromir really thinks this song demonstrates his feelings towards you, and how he wishes you’d stick around with him. You remind him of the summer, warm, bright and hopeful. It was so simple for him to fall in love (it’s like counting 1,2,3). He’s awestruck by your beauty, and doesn’t find it enough to dream about you, he needs to be holding your hand, feeling your presence. He wants to face the world with you there next to him. You always manage to give him a smile, make sense to him, and be honest. He’s not sure how to articulate everything he feels around you, so he just says that he loves you.

“Surely this is love, this is love, this is summer love~”

WOOOOO IM DONEEEE

Ive been writing for the past 2+ hours and it’s late and I’m tired, but I really hope you enjoy. If you want to request a fic, any fandom will do, I’ll get back to you on it, I promise.

Let me know if you want me to do a Part 2 with some other characters <3 Have a great day!!

[onestevetogo]

Lord of the Abridged : Revenge of the King

Flashback Sméagol- I just love Deagol!

Flashback Deagol- I just love Sméagol!

Ring- Hey

Flashback Sméagol- Gollum.exe

Later

Merry- We boss.

Pippin- We totally boss.

Gandalf- This place is wet af.

Gimli- I ran all this way for soggy hobbit.

Pippin- Come at me bro, I’ve had like four breakfasts today.

Saruman- My house has water damage.

Grima- He says your momma was a balrog.

Saruman- Stfu.

Grima- Sorry.

Gandalf- Tell me how to turn Sauron Sauroff.

Saruman- Saurin your dreams.

Grima- PAIN!

Saruman- Egad!

Gandalf- Lmao.

Theoden- We’re alive!

Aragorn- We’re alive!

Soldiers- We’re alive!

Eowyn- ManFlesh!

Aragorn- She wants my manflesh.

Aragorn- *hides*

Gandalf- This is my seeing stone. Not for Pippins. Don’t touch.

Pippin- Okay.

Gandalf- Time for a nap.

Pippin- Shiny!

Sauron- WHO DIS?

Pippin- Oh no! Consequences!

Sauron- OH NO! A TWINK!

Gandalf- Steward Denethor, we gotta fight.

Denethor- King Denethor.

Gandalf- I didn’t vote for you.

Denethor- Make Gondor Great Again.

Pippin- Congrats! You get a free hobbit!

Gandalf- Pippin wtf.

Denethor- Can never have too many hobbits.

Gollum- Look! Stairs!

Frodo- Omg.

Sam- Omg.

Witch king- Let’s go everybody!

Orc leaders- If you’re happy and you know it, clap your hands!

Orcs- *not clapping*

Gandalf- I need you to set some private property on fire.

Pippin- Say no more.

Aragorn- Fire!

Theoden- Fire!

Soldiers- Fire!

Orcs- Row row row your boat gently down the stream!

Faramir- They’re rowing their boats down the stream. What are they planning?

Orcs- Merrily merrily merrily merrily, make the soldiers scream!

Faramir - Oh no.

Pippin- *Watching Denethor eat tomatoes*

Pippin- I’ve made a terrible mistake.

Gollum- Sam ate all the bread.

Sam- wtf?

Frodo- That makes perfect sense.

Sam- wtf???

Frodo- Go home Sam.

Sam- WTF??????????

Elrond- My daughter wants your manflesh.

Aragorn- :)

Elrond- But she’s also dying.

Aragorn- :(

Elrond- Here’s a cool sword.

Aragorn- :)

Eowyn- I want your ManFlesh.

Aragorn- The world is literally about to end.

Eowyn- …

Eowyn- So is that a maybe or…?

Denethor- Why can’t you be more like your brother.

Faramir- My brother is dead.

Denethor- Exactly.

Faramir- :,(

Pippin- omg I’ve made a horrible mistake.

Aragorn- Yo Ghosts.

Ghosts- We’re going to kill you.

Aragorn- Look at this cool sword.

Ghosts- We will follow the keeper of the cool sword.

Orcs- This little piggy went BOOM.

Soldiers- *Fighting*

Orcs- *Fighting*

Denethor- This defeat was totally unavoidable and not at all my fault.

Gandalf- Time for a staff adjustment.

Gandalf’s staff- *Adjusts Denethor’s face*

Nazgûl- *Finger in car door screeching*

Gandalf- PAIN!

Witch King- PAIN!

Gandalf- What the canon?

Orcs- Eat all the ManFlesh!

Theoden- We ride at Theodawn!

Orcs- Theodang!

Gandalf- *Having a blood rage*

Pippin- Denethor is turning his son into nice crispy bacon!

Gandalf- Egad!

Denethor- #blazeit

Gandalf- Jousting!

Denethor- I’m gonna fall off this cliff and really ruin someone’s day!

Theoden- We’re Theodone!

Witch King - You’re Theodoomed.

Theoden- *chewtoy noises*

Eowyn- It’s time you Fell, Beast!

Witch King- PAIN!

Eowyn- I’m in pain!

Witch King- Haha, I’m immune to manflesh.

Eowyn- I am no ManFlesh!

Witch King- Oh shit.

Witch King- *Dies*

Theoden- Oh shit.

Theoden- *Dies*

Aragorn- I’m here now.

Orcs- Hey cool sword!

Ghosts- We thought so too.

Orcs- Oh no!

Orcs- *Die*

Eowyn- Hey I’m not dead!

Faramir- Hey I’m also not dead!

Eowyn- *gasps* ManFlesh!

Faramir- *gasps* Acceptance!

Gollum- Hey check out this cave.

Frodo- I don’t like this cave.

Shelob- What? A friend? Hello new friend!

Frodo- Oh no! A disgusting spider!

Shelob- Wow, rude.

Gollum- She’s going to eat you!

Shelob- Not my friend!

Frodo- Must run away!

Shelob- Poor friend! I’ll make a nice cozy sleeping bag for you!

Sam- Oh no! A disgusting spider! I’ll take him from you!

Shelob- No, he’s tired! Don’t take my friend!

Sam- *Stabbing noises*

Shelob- But my friend :(

Sam- *Opens sleeping bag*

Sam- This boy dead as hell.

Sam- *Loots the body*

Orc- This boy dead as hell.

Other Orc- Nah he’s just tired. Let’s get him into a bed.

Sam- Must follow them!

…

Shelob- My friend :,(

Orc- Shiny!

Other orc- My shiny!

More orcs- Our shiny!

Sam- I’m about to commit so much aggravated assault.

Frodo- Hey I’m not dead!

Sam- Oh. Then the ring is yours. I guess.

Aragorn- Knock knock.

Mouth of Sauron- Who’s there?

Aragorn- Chop.

Mouth of Sauron- Chop wh-

Aragorn- *Chops*

Orcs- Oh my god! He killed Dave!

Orcs- You busturd!

Aragorn- Oh no.

Soldiers- Oh no.

Legolas- That’s a lot more than seventeen.

Gimli- I am no longer racist.

Sam- We’re almost to the cave!

Gollum- It’s hobbit season!

Sam- Suplex City!

Gollum- Foul!

Frodo- Home stretch!

Sam- Toss the bish, make a wish!

Frodo- No.

Sam- That’s a terrible idea!

Gollum- That’s a great idea!

Frodo- *Finger food noises*

Gollum- *Trips*

Gollum- I’m melting! What a world! Oh, what a world!

Frodo- Oh shit!

Sam- Oh shit!

Pippin- Nice crispy bacon.

Sauron-…

Sauron-…

Sauron-AAAAAGHBLAGHBUGMAGUGA!!!

NAZGÛL YOU HAD ONE JOB!!!

Frodo- I want some bread.

Sam- I really wanted to pick Rosie’s cotton.

Frodo- Oeugh Sam!

Eagles- *Coming*

Aragorn- Theoden and Denethor are dead. I rule unchallenged. All hail the king. ✨✨

Elrond- You are now barely good enough to date my daughter.

Arwen- MaleMeat.

Aragorn- *Happy king noises*

Later

Frodo- Retirement isn’t all it’s cracked up to be.

Sam- I’ve picked so much Rosie Cotton.

Frodo- I’m out.

Bilbo- I’m out.

Gandalf- I’m out.

Galadriel- Wait for me Beard Daddy.

And they all lived happily ever after.

Except Shelob.

[lucigoo]

Hello! For the WIP game, what's your "Pipe Weed" one about?

Ohh this one is fun in my opnion, its also entirely @shantismurf and @sunnyrosewritesstuff amd the Bagginshield Book CLub servers fault lmao

The idea is it's a quest retelling, but Pipe weed, isnt just tobacca, its the most phychodelic weed in all of Middle earth and is part of the reasons hobits are so chill and just want to eat. Gandalf of course knows this, but no one else, including the dwarves do and so they dont realse when they keep pilfering Bilbo's (who seems to have a never ending suppl of the stuff) what they are letting themselves into. So al the odd, daft etc moments are because of the dwarves being high as kites and Bilbo is unimpressed that they are ruing his high lol

An excerpt for you:

As he was thinking of creative ways to get the dwarves out of his smial he noticed Gandalf coming over to him. Bilbo folded his arms and glared at his friend. “Get them out.” he ordered the Maia. “My dearest Bilbo ….” Gandalf started, just to be rudely interrupted by Bilbo. “Don't you dearest me you overgrown bully. I don't want them in my home, I don't want to face a dragon and the pretty one can roast his head in my oven!” he said with a glare back at his noisy smial. “Pretty?” Gandalf asked, hiding his laugh. “Don't start.” Bilbo muttered, waving his pipe at Gandalf. “And give me some of the Longbottom leaf I can smell on you. If you are going to have subpar taste you won't mind sharing it.” he said through his gritted teeth, “Bilbo,” Gandalf started again, but handed over his pipe weed pouch anyway. Bilbo wasted no time lighting and filling his pipe, looking from his bench as he did so. “Fine, I shall go, but there are things I need so I will meet you all at the inn at midday. I'm not going on this journey unprepared.” He muttered. “And what supplies will you need Bilbo?" Gandalf asked with that damnable twinkle in his eye. “You know what, I'm not putting up with you lot sober.” He said as he looked at the sky. “No, it will have to wait till morning, and don't forget what hobbits are like if we run out Gandalf, if you want your dwarves to survive I suggest you remember that.” he said with a huff as he waved Gandalf away, having had enough of the bloated windbag for one night.  

[11queensupreme11]

I didn’t finish my au about Percy getting teleported into the hobbit but it posted it anyway 🫥…

Au:

Throughout the entire quest Percy has killed so many Orcs and monsters with ease making Gandalf curious…how does she have a sword?..how is she so good with a weapon if she’s just a teenage girl?…Gandalf becomes suspicious but doesn’t find out she’s a child of the gods until they are surrounded by Azog and his followers..As Thorin was about to be killed bilbo is about to save him but instead Percy saves Thorin first.finally showing some of her power when defends Thorin…since I suck at describing fight scenes I’ll let it to your imagination…when the eagles save all of them Percy used her healing powers to heal Thorin a injuries shocking them more now knowing they had a child of the gods on their side..so they promise to help her find a way home and azog..ooohh azog…he knows now too…and he doesn’t keep quiet about it now everyone in all of middle earth the Mirkwood elves,the elves in Rivendell,dwarves,kings and queens all now hear that the company of Thorin Oakenshield have a god on their side making everyone shocked….and when they finally take Erabor back from Smaug Thorin becomes greedy..he forbids her from leaving and tries to control Percy into doing his every will and give him more power but when she refuses he tries to kill her and gets his butt beat..and because of that Percy goes with bilbo to give the Arkenstone to Thranduil and bard..they were both worried about the company being too powerful with a child of the gods on their side and the fact they don’t even know what the child of the gods look like so when bilbo arrives with Percy they don’t recognize her..so when they find out she is the child of the gods they try to convince Percy to join them and help them take down Thorin..she wants to deny and she only wants to go home..but they disagree Thranduil..Because he finally had someone powerful enough to steal back his wife’s gems..(and maybe because Percy reminds him of his wife very much) and Bard because Percy can help and protect the people of lake town..(also because he sees her as his child)..Gandalf wants her because she can help stop the war and she can help protect the company..during the beginning of the five armies the company demand Percy comes back while the Thranduil and bard demands she comes on their side..then Thorins cousin arrives and some hen he sees Percy he demands Percy is on their side…they all want Percy on their side so they all fight over it..then when azog comes he wants Percy so he can have more power(obviously) and joins the fight…and I’m getting very tired so Im sorry if I was very lazy with the ending..when Thorin comes to his senses and the army of elves,men, and dwarves reluctantly join together Percy finally joins the fight and uses a lot of her power taking down a lot of orcs…and she saves fili and Kili in the process..after the war they still fight over her but surprise surprise the summoning had a limited amount of time so while they fight over her she is sent away pissing them off as they try to summon her back..it never works again until…she is summoned again by the fellowship in the LOTR….thats all I got tell me if this idea is crap or not cause I think it would be a good story…especially if you wrote it..feel free to ignore this I just had an idea…

THERE'S MORE 🥳

"Thorin becomes greedy..he forbids her from leaving and tries to control Percy into doing his every will and give him more power but when she refuses he tries to kill her and gets his butt beat"

i got mixed results on thorin's height (saying he's 5'2" or between 4'5"-4'8") but he's a shortie regardless so i'm just imagining percy easily kicking him over LMAO

and thranduil.... 🤤

that name just awakened something in me.... 🤤 🤤 🤤

im pretty sure i had a huge ass crush on him when i was a kid (i'm probably gonna start looking at thranduil fics cuz of you lol)

[orgxnas]

The Fellowship and their favorite Classic Frat Party Bangers™️

Frodo

No Hands by Waka Flocka Flame

This is pre-Ring Frodo, ofc

Y’all remember how he was dancing at Bilbo’s birthday? Yeah dude def likes to get down

I just feel like after he’s had a few drinks in him and this song comes on, he grabs Sam and loudly says “OMG ITS MY SOONNGGGG!”

Can sing the whole song with no breaks (just like me fr)

Sam

Everything by Pitbull

Sam actually doesn’t really like the music they play at parties. He thinks some of the lyrics are crass

HOWEVER

One time this song came on at a party that Rosie was at and she danced with him the entire song. He has not stopped thinking about it since

The next day he went straight to Merry (the Pitbull expert) and asked him what the song was called and then he immediately went and bought the song and listened to it everyday for the next two weeks

Now he requests it every time him and Frodo go out just in case Rosie is there

Pippin

Shots by Lil Jon

He is the Snooki of the Shire let’s be real here

Loves lil Jon. Thinks he’s a lyrical genius

He’s always up on the damn tables and the bar

“IF YOU AINT GETTIN DRUNK GET THE FUCK OUT THE CLUB” and Pippin took that personally

Spills his drinks on everyone. Gets into a verbal altercation bc of said spillage. Merry comes in to back him up. Now Frodo and Sam have to break up a fight

Merry

Hotel Room Service by Pitbull

Pitbulls no. 1 fan

Right up there on the tables with Pippin

Gets sooo hype for “WE AT THE HOTEL MOTEL HOLIDAY INN!”

Also spills his drinks but not as much

Has in fact been decked in the face for asking a girl if he could take her back to the hotel room for some *service*

Aragorn

Pepas by Farruko

This man has never gone to a party of his own accord. He has only gone just to make sure that Merry and Pippin don’t die

BUT once he’s got a few drinks in his system and this song comes on, he’s ready to let lose

I feel like he would love the Spanish songs (he can speak fluently I just know it)

Does his own lil dancy dance while Merry and Pippin cheer him on

Legolas records it for when he’s sober and they can all laugh about it

Legolas

Hips Don’t Lie by Shakira OR Promiscuous by Nelly Furtado

Oh he defff likes the ��girlier” songs

Once he has enough in his system to get that lil tingle in his hands, bro is right in the middle of whatever dance circle formed around him

That man LOVES to flip his hair all over the place like he’s really got his hands in his hair feeling the music and everything

Learned all this from his father I just know that Thranduil made sure his son was properly educated

Gimli gives him shit for the entire night

Gimli

Get Low by Lil Jon

Oh bro definitely likes to get low

His drunk self gets SO HYPE when this song comes on

Climbs right up on the table with Merry and Pippin (falls off soon after)

The rest of the fellowship watches in absolute terror as he tears up the dance floor

Gandalf

Danza Kuduro by Don Omar

Will he dance? Who knows

But one thing for certain is that his heart is filled with so much joy watching the Hobbits go absolutely crazy for this song

He thinks it’s so fun and endearing watching them dancing and enjoying the night

It’s one of those simple things that he loves so much. Watching a group of friends enjoying each others company and celebrating their friendship with music and dancing

You know what he WILL dance let him get in the middle of that silly little circle

Boromir

DJ Got Us Fallin In Love by Usher

He may be daddy’s favorite, but being daddy’s favorite is stressful

At the end of the week, he just wants to cut lose and get drunk

And drunk he gets

He just likes to feel the musiiicccc

Has never gone home alone LMAO

[mikey-green-genx]

Our first GenX President.

Infants of Fall 1964 are indisputably Generation X. Kamala Harris will become the first GenX President of the United States of America!

Why is that exciting? She's not 70,000 fucking years-old? Comes to mind.

She's old enough to recall street lights as a signal to ride your bike home for supper, yet young enough to laugh and dance on TikTok like a queen. She's wise, with heart. She's an old soul with a young mind. She's perfect for America right now.

Importantly, she proves Democrats are real people who despise ideological cults. (Thank you Joe Biden, but he needed to Go. He went.) Let us argue Civics, as GenX learned in HS Social-Studies class, without a civil-war? WTF!? WE, USA together, hold elections quite often. GenX, like, our guy/gal loses? "oh well, Better luck next time." Boomer Republicans reject that option. GOP MAGA declares: "We win! Or expect a Civil War!" Seriously, WTF!? (GOP MAGA dudes, dudettes, I aint gonna physically fight you. Have at your bizzarro weirdness, you will be swinging at air.) MAGA suffers mental illness of right-wing propaganda that leads to flat-earth, birds aren't real, anti-vax, and little kids dying in Sandy Hook Elementary School shooting was a hoax. Fluoride in drinking water to protect children's teeth? A conspiracy theory from like, the 1950's. Make America 1950's Goofy Again. Conspiracy theory riddled minds. I feel sorry for them.

What did Gandalf say to Bilbo? "I'm not trying to rob you. I'm trying to help you." https://youtu.be/bd5k6ycumRY?si=vYl8mV9ZmvnUbCAs (Copy and paste that link because it explains much aboot how Democrats view MAGA.) They want POWER so much they would do anything, including a Civil War, air-boxing against themselves.

Why did support for Kamala Harris explode like a volcano? Because we all need GenX so we can remain, sane. (GenX will step-in, like kids who raised ourselves always had to do, because of Boomer self-indulgence.) A civil war? LMAO.

Make America Laugh Again. Kamala Harris is perfect, for our time, for our nation. The good ol' USA.

Period.

[anneangel]

Bilbo in the movie:

"I'm going on an adventure!" - running happily, of his own free will, with the contract in hand (having prepared a little luggage for himself before go).

In the book:

Gandalf in Hobbit Smial: What the f**** are you doing? Second breakfast? The Dwarves have already left and are waiting for you as per the contract! What contract? This one! No, there's no time for you to read, run and you'll find them" - Gandalf says pushing Bilbo through the door.

Bilbo runs to the Dwarves with absolutely NOTHING, without even preparing.

... well, at least Gandalf, in following Bilbo, remembers to take Mr Baggins' handkerchiefs and pipe out of courtesy.

... and readers still ask WHY Bilbo complains ALL the time about wishing "was home". Lmao!

[abitchnamedtia]

Imagine Saruman being jealous.

Here's my work for @soplezhuy !

I finally finished it omg and I hope it's good !

I'm sorry if it's not what you've imagined of if it's ooc but I'm not the best connoisseur of Saruman x/ (I'm really scared to post it lmao)

Infos : Saruman x gn reader

Warnings: small smut at the end, jealous behavior (not really healthy but we've seen worse)

Everyone knows that you two are in a relationship. It was this type of matter that was never discussed. Elrond, Gandalf, Radagast and Galadriel don't seem to care about it. Even if they're finding it weird due to the age difference. But you and your lover couldn't care less.

Saruman has always been protector of you. You're his beloved, the person he loves and cares about the most. It's logical that he'll make sure you're safe.

But recently you've visited Gandalf quite often, as he was a friend of yours. And it drives him mad. At first, he didn't really understand why, until he started to recognize the bitter feeling as jealousy. He hated all the time that you had with Gandalf.

So, next time you dressed up to visit him, when you told him goodbye in the throne room, he asked you to stay at home with him. Where you belonged. Pretending he needed you for some tasks. But you politely declined, you promised to Gandalf to drink the tea with him. But Saruman didn't take "no" as an answer and started to tell you how pathetic Gandalf was to try to have you for himself, and mostly how stupid you were to fall for that. You couldn't understand why he said that or why he was so angry. The bitter words he used weren't usual for him. You tried to just go away, but he locked the door in front of you and all the others as well.

" I will not let this man have you. You're mine. Do you understand!?"

Now he really started to scare you, and a tear rolled down your cheek. Seeing this, Saruman immediately calmed down and tried to approach you.

" My beloved... I wasn't trying to scare you. I only wanted to protect you."

"Protect me from what ?! Gandalf is a dear friend of mine. His yours too !"

"I know. I was only..."

"Were you.... Jealous ?"

Your lover sighted and resumed with no response. Even if you didn't need one. You slowly approached him and took his hand.

"Gandalf has always been quite fond of you my beloved."

"But he's not the man I love. You are."

He gently put his forehead against yours.

"Don't you trust me..?"

" I trust you. It's him..."

" I love you Saruman. I'll always will."

You tenderly kissed him. You truly meant what you said. He was the only one for you. He kissed you back and pushed your body against his. Right now, he needed to feel your warmth and your body against him. He gently took you to his throne, where he sat and put you on his lap. Saruman caressed every inch of your body that he could feel. He needed to make you his here and now. He stopped the kiss to bite your neck.

" Who are you belonging to?"

"To you... I'm yours"

"Say it again."

You repeated that you were his and only his as he completely undressed you. He pulled up his robes, and you started to ride him just like he wanted, letting love confessions out between your moans. This time, Saruman's grip on you was not tender like always, but possessive. You were his, and you'll always be.

[sehnsuchts-trunken]

I see your re-opening matchups and I remember I got a lord of the rings matchup from you awhile ago and loved it! So I thought why not get one for the hobbit since they're reopened lol🩷🩷

Hiii!!! If it isn't to much trouble may I have (male) hobbit matchup please. My pronouns are she/her. Im a Capricorn, my Mbti type is infj-a/infj-t. I tend to be shy around new people but I can be somewhat loud with people who im close to. My height is 5'0. I would describe my aesthetic as girly/soft/cottegecore, lots of long dresses and skirts.

Im not very athletic and im not a big fan of sports but I love to go roller and ice skating. I also love to read books and to also cook and bake food. I also like to garden. I've been playing the violin for 7 years. I love animals and im planing on becoming a wildlife veterinarian. I like to Watch nature/animal documentaries. I also like sweets.

Somethings I dislike are people who bend or ruin my books and people who speak over me when im trying to talk.I love music, I can listen to any genre and like it but my favorites are indie,bedroom pop and classic rock. My ideal relationship would be with someone who is loyal and supportive. sorry if i spelt anything wrong. Hope im not bothering you:)

(I did in fact copy and paste that lmao 🩷🩷)

i genuinely love that you copy pasted that tbh, im always like darling you wrote this whole paragraph unsaved???? what if it gets lost. what if you want another matchup and dont have it. what if i reach out to you to say ive accidentally deleted it? ANYTHING could happen. maybe im too sensitive but like this happened too many times to my own writing, i wouldnt want it to happen to anyone else. also thank you sm!!! it's great that you liked the other match up enough to come request a new one and i hope you like this one just as much!

I ship you with...

Fili!

It's a wonderfully normal Tuesday in the Shire and you're in the small garden in front of your door, humming a tune with a smile on your face as you repot some of your flowers. You're content, you're at peace, you're doing nothing out of the ordinary and expecting nothing out of the ordinary to happen either and you're perfectly happy with that. And that's when it does happen. You've never seen Bilbo run. You've barely seen Bilbo do anything but sit. But there he is, panting with his hands on his thighs right in front of you, and you set down your pots with a frown and peel off your gloves and tell him to take a deep breath. He's blabbering on about wizard and adventure and you're quite sure you haven't ever been this confused, so you open your door and pull him inside and brew him a tea. And he tells you about Gandalf and his preposition of an "adventure" and the way Bilbo had bid him good day and gone inside.

You brew him another tea, and another, and then you agree to come home with him, to make dinner and dessert and to stay because, well, for a hobbit, that simple conversation with Gandalf alone is already a reason for panic. You're barely sitting down to eat when there's a knock on the door. A knock on the door and a dwarf in front of it. And then there are more.

That's the first day you meet Fili Durin. That's the day you fall in love.

Because Fili is everything. He's handsome and funny and loyal to a fault and you seriously hope no one had paid attention to you when you'd seen him for the first time because yes, you'd been that baffled. Fili may or may not have been the reason you'd agreed to come to the quest. And why not? They needed every helping hand they could get, plus there was no way you'd let Bilbo go alone. So when morning came and you woke up to Bilbo paddling about his home and heard of his plan to run after the company, you'd simply had to come with him.

You'd thought it would have taken you a while to warm up to everybody, like it always did. You didn't talk much that first evening, but the day after, you instantly realised that this was not usual, not normal in any way whatsoever. The dwarves were social and chatty and Kili kept bombarding you with questions from the side, with jokes and laughter, and soon the rest of them joined as well, Bofur and Balin and Gandalf and almost everybody else, and yet somehow you kept sneaking glances at Fili, almost involuntarily.

But Fili was quieter than the rest of the company. Not that he was quiet, no, but he didn't talk that much. So the first time he held watch, when you sat up with a sigh and gave up on sleep, that was the first time you actually had a conversation. Whispered, as to not wake anybody up, but still there. He makes you laugh like barely anyone ever has before, he listens to you so attentively it makes you blush, he smiles when you tell him how much you miss your books and your garden and you find out that he loves nature just as much as you do.

Over the next weeks, you talk more often. You laugh more often and smile more often. You ride next to him and you sleep close to him and sometimes you talk at night, when one of you has to keep watch or when you can't sleep.

When you run into the trolls, you realise for the first time what this quest actually means for you - and that you're totally unprepared for it. You go ice skating when the lake has frozen over in winter, yes, but that's about it when it comes to keeping your body moving and in shape. You confide in Fili a few days later and he offers to teach you. If there's anyone in the company who knows about weapons, it's Fili. You're genuinely shocked with how many of them he pulls out of his coat. But he's patient and he's actually quite a competent teacher, so whenever you find the time, he's there, and you take a while, but you get better at it. You get good enough to defend yourself properly.

It's then when you first kiss. One of those times that you stop and set up camp a little early, when you and Fili sneak off to train. He's showing you how to wield a sword for one of the first times (he'd started with a dagger and knives and thinks you're doing those well enough by now) and he's behind you, his arms around you and he's warm and comfortable and when you turn to look at him, there's that undeniable tension between you. It's pretty perfect. You don't mind.

From then on, it's sweet. Fili is adorable, he's a bit daft at times, but he's the absolute best. He holds you and he smothers you in kisses and he makes you laugh, he braids your hair and begs you to do his and he brings you pebbles and shows you birds and helps you climb up a tree or two.

Once you reclaim Erebor, once Thorin reclaims his throne, no dragon sickness, no nothing, you realise you're actually dating the crown prince now. Because that's what you're doing. You're dating. The thought makes you a little giddy.

You marry Fili one fine summer afternoon. It's hard to leave the Shire behind, of course, but Bilbo promises to stay at the mountain with Thorin until they're old enough to retire to Bag End, so you're not all that alone at the start - plus, Fili helps you bring some of home to Erebor. Some of your plants and books, your dresses and your violin and everything else you need, and suddenly, Erebor feels a lot like home anyway.

You visit the Shire with him - with your husband - as often as you can. And yes, a part of yourself will stay there forever, but Erebor needs you, and Fili needs you, and he makes you so, so very happy that you'd choose him again and again and again without a second thought. So you don't mind all that much in the end.

[tathrin]

So is au a fusion? Like SW characters are Tolkienized or the other way around?

Yeah, the characters from Lord of the Rings are dropped into a Tolkien-ified version of the Star Wars universe. Aside from a few cases like the Thrawn(Kreia?)/Witch King idea that I posted before, there aren't many straight-up character mash-ups, and even in the case of Thrawn it's more about merging the characters' roles and styles into one than actually blending the characters.

The only other straight-up Combined Character that I've come up with so far is Elrond effectively being either Bail or Breha Organa. Here's thoughts from the unhinged bedtime typing:

Elrond: Bail Organa basically. Elrond, Senator of Alderaan, whose capital city is named Imladris and lies in a valley surrounded by rivers, so it's often nicknamed Rivendell by the locals; it's a peaceful planet that is secretly helping to fund and run the rebellion. His wife and three kids are in on it too (and the twins definitely take advantage of the fact that they look alike in order to alibi each other and generally just cause shit that the Empire has to deal with a la that post about Bail's ships "getting stolen, guess the Empire needs to reimburse me now!" and pre-ANH Leia being…well, Leia, lmao and just basically using her diplomatic status to Be A Shit), and Arwen and Aragorn totally are in love but cannot be together unless the Empire is destroyed and the Jedi can stop being hunted because she won't abandon the Rebellion and he won't turn his back on the Order so they can't just run off together; the only way they can be together in more than secret stolen snatches is after a complete victory. (Or if Alderaan gets exposed for the shit it's pulling and the Alderaanian leadership manages to survive and go on the run, of course. But that's not exactly the result any of them are hoping for.) Maybe when he was younger Elrond used to go on sort of "Space Doctor Without Borders" missions to help in war zones and refugee camps and stuff, and that's part of what radicalized him to join the Rebellion. That bg gives him good holonews cred, motivation, and a backstory that puts him in a position to have potentially been involved in military action in a very media-friendly sort of way (e.g. Last Alliance Herald) without actually having to have had the Clone Wars/Rise of the Empire be a recent thing. Either Celebrían is the queen of Alderaan like Breha, or we're making Alderaan a democracy and he's just their duly elected senator, but she's definitely some kind of Ruling Figure at home like a member of Alderaan Congress or something idk. (Or should she be the senator, who commutes to Coruscant, while he's the one who stays on Alderaan in between Mercy Missions, since he's the one in the "homely house" so to speak?)

Neither Arwen nor her brothers are likely going to serve as straight-up Leia analogs btw, because even the twins are more sensible and prudent than Leia, and we're going more for a Three Hunters And Company storyline (I think, in the story that definitely is not being written) than any sort of direct ANH/ESB/ROTJ sequence of events. But they basically serve the role that Leia did before she took over as senator, e.g. the children of the senator and queen? ish? who go around being an Optics Issue and lowkey pain in the Empire's ass while secretly moving information/supplies/etc around for the Rebellion, getting away with it because of Diplomatic Status.

Although the more I try to think of what to do with him, the more Gandalf seems to be falling into a sort of Kenobi/Yoda role. Which I'm pretty sure leaves Saruman as—a little too appropriately, yes I know—a Dooku/Tarkin combination. Oops?

*I'm keeping links to all the posts I make on this ridiculous au collected here, if you want to see any more rambling about it.

[glorf1ndel]

🎵,🍲,🧙‍♂️,⚠️ and 📖?

🎵 Can you sing, master hobbit?: Which song (from books or movies) is your favourite?

I love “The Road Goes Ever On.” Also, not a song, but Treebeard’s poem “My Land Is Best” is one of my favorites! And from the Howard Shore soundtrack, it’s the triumphant piece that plays during the “I can’t carry it for you, but I can carry you!” scene.

🍲 Eowyn's home cooking: which other way could the ring be destroyed? (funny answers only)

“Éowyn’s home cooking,” lmao. Glorfindel already answered this question: toss the Ring into the freaking sea. It wouldn’t be destroyed, but who would find it there? Ulmo would keep it away from everyone. Or someone could have sailed with the Ring to Valinor and flung it into Aulë’s forge. Bad vibes at the forge from there on, though. XD

🧙‍♂️Precisely when he means to: what is your favourite Gandalf moment?

When he makes the fireworks go off for the Hobbit children. Also, when he calls Grima a “witless worm.” 🤣 Drag him!

⚠ Fucking buckleberry ferry: from the clip of Dom and Billy discussing the one swear word they could theoretically get by censors, which line would you change?

When Pippin drinks the forest water and grows taller, Merry should have said “three-foot-fucking-eight!” It’s a little moment, but wouldn’t Merry swear if Pippin suddenly got taller than him?

📖 Final chapter: what unanswered questions do you have about middle earth?

Answered this one previously, but here is another: what does Thranduil do after the War of the Ring is over? We know he stays in Eryn Lasgalen; does he remain there forever, or does he eventually sail? I think it would be interesting if he chose not to leave Middle Earth. Although we know Legolas sails, so perhaps his dad does, too.

[thelovelybitten]

vera’s first watch of south park — season five (part 1)

lfg babes i’m bored so lets watch

EPISODE 1:

LETS GO NEW SEASONNNNNN

KEPT THE BANGER INTRO YES WOOOOTTT

there’s a shit counter HAHAH LETS SEE HOW THIS GOES LMAO

BUTTERS VANDALIZING THE WALL

but tbh he slayed it

EVERYONE EXCITED ABT THE FUCKING SHIT LINE I CAN’T

kyle: i don’t give a fuck (SO REAL)

NOT THE CHEERS AND APPLAUSE HAHAH

huh ?? raining frogs ???

timmy SAID IT LETS GO

kyle is abt TO BLOW UP

sand in the vagina — cartman will not let him go

GARRISON NOT THE F SLUR

S H I T

what the fuck are these the seven deadly sins or sumth

cartman and his shirt LMAO

okay KYLE POP AWF he’s my smart bby boy

shit…twice, BFFR

chef helping the core four solve this stuff KING SHIT

CARTMAN STOP

no NOT KENNY ANYONE BUT KENNY PLS

okay who the fuck is this guy

no kenny looks so sick :’(

oh WHAT THE HELL

a rune ??? okay

LAS VEGASSSSS LET’S GOOOO

GANDALF???

MEECROB OH MY GOD CARTMAN WAS RIGHT

JIMBO IS A HOMOSEXUAL INTERESTING

shit counter thru the roof

not A WHOLE ASS DRAGON

CARTMAN LET IT GO FOR THE LOVE OF GOD

KYLE PREACHING 2 THE GOSPEL ICONIC

oh that was fucking feral i did not need to see all of kenny’s intestines

interesting ep

EPISODE 2:

FIRST NIGHT OF SCOUTS ?????

yO STAN THAT WAS OUTTA POCKET

timmy being strapped onto the back of the pickup

BUTTERS

KENNY AND STAN’S DAD ARE SHOOK

JIMMYYYYYY

give timmy his spotlight pls

well. last season he got it so ig give jimmy it

not the homophobia….

OKAY JIMMY POP OFF

JIMMY PLEASE NOT THE PLAN B JOKE

TIMMY BEING ROBBED BUT I LOVE JIMMY

BIG SILLY GOOSE

YOU DO NOT SAY BIG SILLY GOOSE— YOU CALL HIM AN ASSHOLE LIKE A NORMAL KID

but dad, i was just trying to—

STANLEY YOU CALL YOUR FRIEND AN ASSHOLE THIS INSTANT.

asshole.

CRACKED ME UP LMAO

troop 69 oh they knew what they were doing

jimmy this is so bad

oh BUT THESE IMPRESSIONS FUCKING SLAYED

okay BUT DON’T GET TIMMY I’LL BE MAD

jimmy deserved

homophobia is not cute STOP

oh MY GOD TIMMY KNOWS WHAT’S UP

kenny jacket is bad luck ig

the way jimmy avoided everything

jimmy ripping on timmy is not cool i’m mad

NAKED PICTURES ?!?!?!?! NOT THE CHILD PORNOGRAPHY

butters tryna explain they being exploited

not THE PUPPIES CARTMAN

OH THEY FIGHTIN

kenny’s parents and brother in the chapel aw

OH FUCK THEY GOING AT ITTT

everyone and their mothers watching two disabled kids beat each other up… weird

not THE NUTS

NOT IT BEING BROADCASTED

hc: all those boys are scarred abt their nude photos being taken and the unfortunate thing is the photos get leaked when they’re in college and it’s so bad :(

wait has kyle not been here the whole time.

WAIT

oh FUCK KYLE WASN’T HERE

prolly bc of his religion or sumth

anyways get the homophobes so true and real

real

wait what

timmy wyd

timmy OH MY GOD LMAOOOOO

okay that last bit was funny alr

EPISODE 3:

radiohead special guests???

cartman wtf u mean u got pubes

wait what the fuck

stan real

KYLE ATE

nah don’t mess w cartman

CARTMAN U DID NOT ATTACH THOSE—

oh lord…

damn scott gaslit the gaslighter

this what he gets for being 8 years old

EW

oh beg FOR IT HE SAID GET HIM

also cartman deserves it

WOW SCOTT IS RUTHLESS

WENDY IN FRAME I MISS HER

everyone is so… dumbfounded

GOD CARTMAN LMAO THIS IS GOING NO WHERE

uhm. this is so awk

undercover cartman

okay pls hold must feed my cats

okay am back

wait must control my cats

back fr

NED NO

also wtf

cartman pls this is a gag

scott one upping cartman is so iconic

YO CARTMAN THIS WAS GENIUS NGL

WHAT THE FUCK CARTMAN THAT WAS TOO MESSED UP

tbh don’t mess w cartman

anyways gonna go 2 bed will continue at a later date

EPISODE 4:

GOOD EVENING GAMERS IM BACC

let's get’r done

not the terrance n phillip shit i dispise them

they shitting their PANTS FOR T AN P

kyle real for waiting for those tickets

oh kyle abt to eat those words oh no

YO TERRANCE IS BIG BRO

wait who the fuck is this

“kenny’s a random slut” damn cartman

clyde i love u my son

THEY GOING TO CANADA MY HOME

phillip being part of an acting crew ok

cartman right kyle oh boy

KENNY’S ARM WHAT THE FUCK— HE GONNA BLEED OUT

NOT HIS OTHER ARM :’((((

i’m sad abt kenny this is torture

mid ep :/

EPISODE 5:

oh damn… i’m sorry cartman

oh no wait this boy being ungrateful as normal

HUH SHE LEFT CARTMAN 1 MILLION DOLLARS

OH NO EGOMANIAC IS ON THE RISE

WENDY WYD FOLLOWING CARTMAN

kyle being real part 8393659373

he gonna. buy a whole ass amusement park for himself

NO NOT THE HEMORRHOID

not style angst

CARTMANLAND how fucking fitting.

style gonna beat his ass as they should

I NEED MY CWEAM— I NEED MY CWEEEEEEEM

properTAH

kyle in his delulu era

butters and clyde icons

STAN LSNDNCHSJDNCN I WISH U GOT AWAY W IT

KYLE U BETTER NOT DIE

kenny got bodied by that pole

kyle PLEASE MY SON DON’T DO IT

I LOVE WHEN KARMA KICKS CARTMANS ASS

“YOU ARE UP THERE ;”)” KYLE DSKHGHDSGSJJS UNHINGED

[tonguetyd]

I read this chapter on my flight Thursday so forgive me if I misremember/misquote things (also ya girl is running on ~3 hours sleep)

TLDR hi you are about to witness the blorbofication of Sam Gamgee. Did I swoon at the single mention of Aragorn’s name? Yes. But did I find myself giggling at every tiny thing Sam did? Yep. Yep I did.

First of all, again having only halfway sorta watched the movies, I just…assumed that Sam was always besties with Frodo. Like they just were buds for forever. So reading “Frodo is besties with Merry and Pippin but Sam is literally Just Some Guy That Work Here™️? SHOOK. You mean to tell me this man is just so loyal that he immediately is like “oh, my boss is in trouble? Yeah, weird wizard man, sure I’ll go with!” FOR HIS BOSS! His *BOSS*!!! I have a hard enough time doing my job that I am paid to do for my boss. Sam is a better man that me.

THEN on top of that you tell me he’s a BIG DUMB GOOFY DUDE?! I’m sorry “Sam how dare you eavesdrop on me and Frodo” “there are no eaves in the shire mister Gandalf” ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!?! I fear I’m going to fall in love. The way to my heart is undoubtably being a little shit. It’s so over for me.

Of course the conversation itself that Sam listens in on is so juicy, who really could blame him. Mans has never done anything wrong in his life. Like this shit reads like a horror story if you’re Frodo. Or friends with Frodo. Or halfway tolerate Frodo. And to his credit, Frodo takes the news of “hey you inherited the biggest tool of evil doing we’ve ever seen and if you don’t go on this super perilous journey to the heart of evil literally everyone you have ever cared about is gonna be fucked and your home utterly destroyed!!!” remarkably well. Frodo is also a better man than me. Like yeah he tries to get out of it and convince Gandalf to take it for him, but like. I would simply die. Leave it for somebody else to deal with.

HELL, IF FRODO WAS AN EMPLOYER IN TODAY’S WORLD, POOR SAM WOULDVE BEEN FORCED TO CARRY THE WEIGHT AND FRODO WOULDVE FUCKED OFF TO TAHITI. That’s what the much more toxic version of me would do 😂

Anyway. I’ve seen the line about “most people that live in difficult times wish they didn’t” or whatever the direct wording is, which like. I get. Because Frodo is def trying to wiggle out of it. And Gandalf is holding him to the fire which. We all need to be told I guess. BUT the way more interesting thing that Gandalf says (and I actually wrote this one down!)

“Many live that deserve death and some that die deserve life. Can you give it to them? Then do not be too eager to deal out death in judgement.”

IDK WHY. BUT THAT HITS MAN. Very “death doesn’t discriminate between the sinners and the saints” from Hamilton which always knocks me out. There were coherent thoughts I had when I wrote it down - those are gone now lmao. But it’s just like. A very raw line to me and I’m chewing on it for breakfast.

We don’t get to give back life to those who deserve it, so let’s be slower to deal out death. Brutal. And then Frodo still goes on to have zero sympathy whatsoever for Gollum. Like homie, I understand the complicated relationship. You ain’t gotta like him. But even I go like “I don’t understand WHY the fuck you’re so terrible but like. Shit dawg, you’ve been thru it” to people I hate. Idk.

Obviously, Gandalf being the word-smithy wise old man he is convinces both of them to do…whatever he wants (imagine if Gandalf was as corrupt as Saruman and how different that would’ve gone!!!!!) and, again, my mans.

“Yeah I wanna go see elves I’ll help mister Frodo!!!” *immediately passes out*

The biggest fucking mood. I fear I’m in love with a small creature with large hairy feet. Surely this will not be bad for me.

Discussion Post 17th of March

The Lord of the Rings - The Fellowship of the Ring (Book I)

Chapter II - The Shadow of the Past

This post is meant as an incentive to start discussing this week's chapter. Feel free to talk about this week's reading or chat with each other in the tags or comments!

If you have a lot to say, or would like to add pictures, GIFs, polls, or anything else your heart desires, submit a post here.

If you need some inspiration, here are some prompts of what you could talk about:

your favorite quote

what was most surprising/exciting/new?

if you've only seen the movies, how did this differ from what you already knew?

something funny or interesting that caught your eye

(If you are here at a later date, do not worry! You are welcome to join in at any time!)