#gaming while dyspraxic

[david-watts]

you’ll never guess what I discovered is a trigger!

[writingoneout]

Untilted Katamari Reflections

Preamble:

Content considerations for the following include:

Parental abuse

Bigotry

Worldly anxiety

You're welcome back another day if that's too much right now.

I.

It’s fall of 2015.

You and your virgin college friends drink shitty cocktails called the “Slutty Will Rodgers.” They’re just Pepsi rawdogged with indeterminate amounts of grenadine and Captain Morgan. When you bought the mixers a Wal-Mart stocker yodeled “OOOOoOoooOH, maKIN sOMe DRINKS?!?!” and you knew it was time to leave.

We Love Katamari is on the Telly. It’s a sweet, trippy game you first bought to cope with high school. On Dark Fridays at 1am, when your inbox was barren and your balls were full, you’d drive to the empty gym downtown and sprint six miles. Then you’d come home and replay the firefly level until you fell asleep with your pug.

Your college friends are bad at the game, so they pass the controller. You’re playing the underwater stage. A spaceman falls in the pond of people gunk and stacked crabs. It’s going really well if you’re honest. You point to the screen and say “this’ll be Florida if Trump wins.” See Fig. 1.

Figure 1: Rick Desantis has big plans for Disney.

Your friends don’t reply because they soon won’t be virgins and their tongues battle each other’s. It’s a different game they play, one with fuzzier rules, but greater industry respect. You wish the campus gym was open 24/7.

. . .

Your skills as the prince are not inherent. You first meet him in 2005, when your dyspraxic hands can barely tie a shoe. Your parents catch you lose shit for the Toonami review of Me and My Katamari. They buy it for Christmas, hoping to steady your nerves while your father’s in therapy.

Dr. Flam is a Neo-Freudian hitched to your mom’s guy, Dr. Flim. She’s deep in your dad’s dream journal and makes him watch movies like Cool Hand Luke to really reign in his ego. He gets the DVDs from the Netflix site, then through the mail. As a family you watch your dad’s therapy films and reruns of Inyuasha.

In the waiting room you barely navigate the sticky ball through Namco Bandai’s Satoshi Kon parade. See Fig. 2. You’ve only seen adults express anger verbally, so when you mess up you grunt a lot and let out those Leopold Butters Stotch swears like “crap,” “shoot,” and “gosh darn.” You’re not particularly self-aware, so you probably just say “god fucking damn it” a few times and don’t remember. Years later you realize there was probably a secretary behind the glass watching you do all this.

Figure 2: Bwahbwahwabhbawahbwaaaaah.

Sometimes there’s a girl in the room with you, just around your age. She’s stuck while Dr. Flim teaches her mom about what dream snakes mean for her fear of male puberty. That's what he did for your mom, anyway.

You think the waiting-room stranger is cute, but you won’t admit you like girls yet, especially not to yourself. To cope with the cognitive dissonance, you do your weird shit louder while refusing to make eye contact with her. If you get real stressed you crank up the main menu track and yell “ahhhhh that’s so relaxing” while the “nah nah nah nahs” play through your headphones.

At one point the girl stands against a wall and stares at you with her arms crossed. You bet she thinks you’re cool, but she’s probably just annoyed and hopes you’ll notice, or maybe just ask if she’s OK. It’s probably good you don’t talk with her. You might ask something stupid, like if she's seen the roach corpse in the stairwell. It’s been there for a year straight, isn’t that crazy?

For better and worse, you power through your little game alone. Every time you lose the King of All Cosmos beats, shoots, and belittles you. See Fig. 3. It reminds you of when your own dad shattered your Harry Potter wand over the kitchen counter because you dropped a mini pizza.

Figure 3: The King of All Cosmos offers little constructive advice, all things considered.

You fail quite frequently. Eventually you drop the game because it’s getting stressful and you have the power to relieve yourself of the situation—not the Freudian lobby, just your fake dad.

II.

It’s 2012. PlayStation Network uploads The Prince’s primeval outing: Katamari Damacy. Within, Padre Cosmotic flaps his gums over too much hooch then slams his dump truck ass through the better part of our solar system. He dislodges every recognized constellation and even the moon itself.

Cosmos sends Prince to Earth—the last brick left in the shitstorm—to make slop of our planet and bodies. With the slop space itself will be made anew. The Good Son does as he's told, and every living entity experiences euphoric ego death within the bulbous heaven of the Katamari.

As a Real Gamer Teen you lose a lot less in this one. You really go in and fix Fake Dad’s mistakes, no problem at all. This is why a year ago you hailed “gaming journalism” as your calling. You write clean and play tight; should keep the lights on. It’s the most concrete idea you’ve had since 7th grade when you outlined a YA novel called Tooth Pocket. Even you didn’t think Scholastic would buy that one, though. It was just too hot for the book fair.

One day you’re cranking through FFVI and your real dad swings by, mad you're young. He grills your ass and says “I bet you can’t even tell me the biggest thing happening right now.” It’s some real “What’s a gallon of milk cost?” shit, he could mean anything.

 Surprisingly, you can’t think of a good answer. You and your friends are actually pretty informed because John Stewart is still at the desk and y’all chime in every day. See Fig. 4. You also spend hours each week tearing through MSN slideshows in your Graphic Design class because the Photoshop takes five minutes. You’ve seen a staggering amount of the Syrian civil war.

Figure 4: Sometimes in Snapchat you draw glasses on your cat to make him look like Mitch McConnel. You wouldn't do that without this guy.

Still, you’re a little stumped. It’s the middle of a phenomenon native to moralist presidencies known as "a slow news week.” You actually ran out of war shit the other day and clicked through some slides about Pakistani wrestlers. The seniors who offered you Jack Daniels in the Whataburger lot saw it and laughed. They thought you were peeping dong in class. You really weren’t, but they didn’t believe you. They graduate certain you were bricked up in the Dell Lab over big guys in spandex.

“I don’t know,” you tell your dad.

He throws his hands behind his head, hard, like an orangutan chucking logs at a poacher.

“It’s the fucking carbon tax,” he yells. This comes as a surprise, you think, because that shit is last month’s news. It really didn’t go anywhere.

“Do you not pay attention because you don’t give a shit, or are you just a nihilist and think you can’t do anything?” You can tell in his eyes he thinks there’s a real answer. “Seriously, which is it?

You don’t remember what you said. You probably just stammered until he walked off.

A month later he picks you up from marching band. Your phone is dead, so he had to wait twenty minutes longer than anticipated while you found his car. He punches the rearview mirror until the windshield cracks then screams of how your birth kept him from New England.

III.

It’s 2016. A rockin’ MILF in the Psych department gets you really into Hamilton. See Fig. 5. Every day you wake up on the grind and blast “You Aaron Burr, sir?” through your shitty 7-11 cans. While cramming foreign language Quizlets and McGraw Hill Online you do this thing called “Hafilton.” It’s where rock up to “Nonstop” and quit listening just before Hamilton decides what he will stop is being a good husband.

Figure 5: Like Kojima, you know "MILF" is a mindset, not a factual inquiry.

It’s 2018. Your grades are notably better and you’ve snuck into the honors program. Like Hamilton himself, you really flourished at 19 and thought about running for office. You immediately abandoned this idea after remembering your allergy to recordings of your image or voice.

You cohabit with the Psych MILF, and she offers some advice: she’s really had her boots on the ground with this whole “clinical psych thing” and honestly, respectfully, she loves you, but dear God it might not be your scene. It’s taken a real toll on her and the friends, and she can’t imagine you going through that shit.

At 1am in your living room you boot up DOOM (2016) and listen through some Hamilton. Angelica is thirsty on main when you remember that you, yourself, could be a lawyer. You don’t have to run for Congress to fight the establishment. There’s just the common law, and it’s right there. You can just get your grubby little hands in that shit and work your magic.

. . .

It’s the last semester of undergrad. Your Western Thought professor says Hamilton wasn’t really a huge deal and really James Madison shat out the big parts of our faction-proof empire. Yes, there was, in fact, a civil war, but the caplock rifle worked it out. After the Federalist papers he has you read the Bill of Rights but no Supreme Court cases. There’s a lot of talk on negative liberties.

Just before finals, the learned doctor says your generation only has two things to worry about: the climate and the poverty. Yeah they’re big, he says, but they’re just two things. You’re crafty kids, smart as the framers, even.

. . .

The state decides law school is your jam and lets you come inside.

There’s the negative liberties but you actually read Supreme Court opinions when the big boys aren’t shaking fists for Valley Forge. They have you listen to Hamilton for context. You feel dirty. An LRW professor puts on the “I’m Just a Bill” video and your sectionmate with Ivy degrees gets really, really mad.

. . .

The Federalist Society has a comfy presence at your law school. Along with Big Oil they sling out free pizza to every Little Scalia with a rumbly tum tum.

On your way to class you hear what the pizza boys feel. They hate Europeans, those social democrats with the rotten armories and clumpy cash. The Euros, they think, give too much wiggle room for the mentally ill, and by that they mean they mean gay people and probably just women overall.

There are more than two things to fix, you think.

. . .

The pandemic hits. You and some pals start a Google Doc to stay afloat. It barely works. In the Zoom review for the property final your professor catches multiple people crying. "You don't have to be here," he tells them, “there are other jobs.”

. . .

A year passes. You’re in a niche public interest class you do all right with. The professor looks you and thirty-five others dead in the eye and says how sorry he is that law school is traumatic. You shed a single tear in your little window. You're pretty in the shit and haven’t worn pants to class in months.

Then public interest prof takes a big, big drag from his long, fat spliff. He spins his desk chair and baseball cap at the same time, never letting go of the joint.

“Hey,” he says. “It’s not your fault, really, but the world is fucked. It’s time to fix what your parents did.”

The next week he gives a practice exam where the best solution is to sell an old lady’s house to Nestlé.

IV.

It’s 2022. After throwing your whole gooch at it, you fail the bar exam.

You fall back hard into exercise. When you’re not slamming Barbri you’re at the gym binging curls and cranking the Chainsaw Man soundtrack. One night on the way to squats you finally hear “Black Parade.” Just like you, Mr. Gerry Wayland is stuck between global disrepair and the desire to write Funny Little Books.

You just started an FLB yourself, actually. It’s spin on a Story Break episode you love. In your version there’s a fucked up civil war horse that moves like a spider and is covered in bugs. Rich people kill the planet then the horse gets lost in space. It’s compelling, you promise. There’s body horror and pirates dressed like Gorton’s Fisherman. See Fig. 6 It’s about the horrors of the contemporary world state. It’ll be fun.

Figure 6: An untapped horror icon. Imagine blood contrasting that yellow.

Big problem, though: you remember rich people love hiking. There’s no grass on Mars, not that good shit anyway. Would they really fuck all of it?

You edit. In the last few years, the real breathless ones, the oligarchs cash their tab. A cartel, they think, could really muscle those stragglers, the tragically common. There’s one city left with both breathable air and refugees. They level it. The few survivors are spread amongst the stars, so their loves and languages may die.

. . .

It’s the middle of Bar Prep Round 2. You and the patient MILF see Hadestown in the Big City.

There’s a juke joint on stage flanked by devil trombones. A sad little guy slinks in from the janitor’s closet. His name is Orpheus and, just like you, he’s a sad, short writer who likes a lady so much it comes out weird. He has a vision, he says, for a little ditty. It’s compelling, he promises, and shit’s gonna change. His love is functional and realized, worth the investment of a hardened woman displaced by capital’s torture. She believes him.

You cry because you know where this goes.

It’s just a single tear.

Don’t worry.

Nobody sees.

. . .

There’s this game you like, by some corporate anarchists who hate themselves. They’re Scandinavian, from the spot in Tallin where you stopped for a cruise. Every gift shop there had swastikas and gas masks leftover from the bloody years.

In the game is a liberal yacht MILF. She thinks you’re stupid but someone’s helping with your gun, so you’ve got that on her. And yet, she pins you, re your whole writing thing. See Fig. 7.

Figure 7: She sucked, but it still hurt when she left.

Your favorite Supreme Court podcast says the ocean’s last hope is other countries. But those countries’ people cry to the Disco game, and their ministers also bought The End of History. You meet them on the subreddit. You're all geeked out, waiting for the tide.

. . .

It’s the era of desert cradles. God thinks you’re disgusting, so he sends his better kids with a memo: the flood was too much work on his end, it’s time for something different.

“Just keep walking,” he says.

Your skin bares his figure. So do the corpses. You little birds among billions, gassed out and screaming, move to clean.

V.

It’s 2023.

We Love Katamari is up on the PlayStation store. You sit with the cats and mow down some crabs. You don’t need it so much these days, but it’s nice.

There’s a Bar card in your wallet, just below your gym tag. There are two interviews in your Google Calendar. Good stuff might happen, hopefully soon. You crawl into bed and wrap an arm around your wife’s rib cage.

Everything matters and nothing is safe.

You are loved enough to sleep.

[breebirds]

OKAY I have more Gotham Knights opinions. So like first, I played exclusively as Red Hood cause my plan is to play as each character all the way through and then go back and play it a 5th time were I interchange

Also I played on PS so it might be different to when you play on PC but here are my thoughts

1. The controls? Whack. There’s no actual jump button, you hold X when you’re near a ledge to climb or vault but there’s no actual designated jump button

(I learned the hard way if you run and hit crouch you slide… I had to restart a mission cause I slid in when I was supposed to not get caught and immediately got caught…)

2. The first Mr Freeze boss fight is stupid and I hate it. I never finished the Mr Freeze story because I just could not get past that stupid fucking boss fight. His health is too high, he has too many fucking lazer types, there’s no cover after round one, it’s dumb, I hate it, fuck whoever designed it I hope you pillow is always warm and your bananas are always rotten!

3. A lot of the time you have to stay undetected but it’s hard if you don’t know what you’re doing. So like, when you first have to break into GCPD, you just have to fucking book it while crouching for the door otherwise you will get caught. Didn’t know that the first time, hid for ages and got caught. It’s also really hard to tell if you run a certain way, if you’ll be seen or not. Inside the GCPD bull pen, I alerted all the guards to yellow cause I tried to run for the fence and vault but again, vaulting in this game SUCKS

The combat is like… fine I guess? I’m dyspraxic as fuck so I’ve always struggled with like button mashing and shit like that but sometimes you’re fighting someone and it’s like, impossible. The bog standard talons were harder to fight than the upgraded with knives or the big brute dudes cause you cannot hit them you have to shoot and it’s awkward trying to get the angle to line up, especially if there’s like 4 of them.

Also the final fight with Talia, right at the end she dodges waaay too much and you cannot hit her, it’s so annoying.

It was a good game, I enjoyed myself, I will be replaying it at least four times (currently started my Nightwing play through) but also… there’s issues that really should have been considered. I had to google how to do levels and seen others complaining so it’s not just a me thing but yeah… also, I love Jason’s build in the game but he looks a little old (he genuinely looks older than Bruce in some scenes) and man needs hair. Just give my boy a mop of black with white hair PLEASE

[lumine-no-hikari]

Dear Sephiroth: (a letter to a fictional character, because why not) #371

It is day two of sinus, nasal, and tracheal discomfort. I have concluded that yes, I am very definitely sick. I feel sluggish, my nose is runny and congested and on fire at the same time. Mild headache all day. Scratchy throat. Fucken lame. Oh well.

Additionally, I managed to render my cellphone unusable. This morning, when my half-stupefied self woke to use the morning facilities, I managed to drop my phone. It fell from my clumsy, dyspraxic, half-asleep hands and crashed on the bathroom tile.

...Yeah. I was pretty bummed about it. And, given the number of folks who count on me, I can't really go without having a phone. But fortunately, I was already overdue for an upgrade, anyhow. So I put on a mask (to protect other people), and then M and I went and replaced it. It didn't take long.

I have a phone with a better camera now. So there's that, at least.

I spent the rest of the morning in and out of sleep, on and off the internet, and just generally feeling not great. Though I did remember that I made my famous (it's not really famous!) bone broth a while ago and stuck it in the freezer. I took a jar of it out and put it in the refrigerator to thaw:

The way I make it produces a bone broth that is both flavorful and nutritious. I'll probably drink it tomorrow. It'll give my body some strength to fight off whatever bullshit invaded it, no doubt.

Actually, come to think of it...

…!!!

Holy shit. Yes. I got sick with a mild case of the sniffles starting on the same exact day last year!

Yooooo, what the fuuuuuuuck. Hahahaha....

...Well, whatever. The procedure for any viral sickness is the same: eat good food, sleep a lot, hydrate frequently, take ibuprofen as needed, and wait for it to pass. There's really nothing else for it.

I thought I was gonna get soup today, but I did not, in fact, get soup today. That's because J went out, and when he came home, he brought some epic pizza with him:

We have, from left to right, a philly steak pizza, a chicken and mushroom marsala pizza, and a shrimp scampi pizza, from our favorite pizza place within reasonable driving distance!! I'm not really sure what that reddish-looking slice at the bottom is; maybe it's pepperoni? But that one was J's, anyhow.

...I wish I could get you some slices of pizza from this place. You won't find better within reasonable driving distance from my house. A few places come close, but... this one is definitely the best.

After eating the pizza, I changed over to the 8th set of braces for real. Here are some comparison pictures between the first set and the newest set; the newest set is on the right in all cases. Here's the top set:

...I really can't believe how far my very confused snaggletooth has moved! It's gonna be really weird to look in the mirror when it's finally in its proper place!

The other top teeth bow inward a little less than before, too:

...The set on the left is definitely a little bit more hourglass-shaped compared to the right. Wild.

Here's the bottom set:

The front teeth are WAAAY less crowded than before. And that other very confused tooth there is starting to fall in line.

That one on the left side of my mouth that used to point towards my tongue is now slowly starting to point straight upwards like it's supposed to, too!

...It's been kinda crazy, tracking the progress as the inside of my face rearranges itself. I wonder what you think. Isn't it cool???

I'm pleased to report, too, that set number 8 is a LOT less difficult now that I've switched to it when I was supposed to, instead of prematurely!! Hahaha!!

...I spent most of today resting, so I don't have a whole lot else to tell you about. I'm probably gonna start playing video games soon, though. So if you wanna come hang out with me, you'll find me here:

...Though, admittedly, I'd really much rather watch you learn how to play video games. I think that'd be a lot of fun. I have a number of them that I think you'd really like.

Well, I guess that's it. Don't forget that you're loved, okay? Because I love you. And lots of other people do, too; you just haven't met them yet. My world is chock full of people who would treat you like an actual human being (because that is what you are, no matter what any nasty-ass shit-goblin tries to tell you) instead of like a commodity to be exploited.

...Sephiroth. Come to my house and try it. Come to my house, and let the present moment be louder to you than your past. Come to my house, and let the voices of those who love you be louder to you than the voices of those who tried to control you. You've already tasted hell. Come see what heaven is like before you write yourself off, okay? I know you've witnessed more than a few mockeries of what loving, healthy relationships are supposed to look like, but...

...You'll have to replace “little girl” with “little one”, but... you get the idea, I'm sure. You're not done yet. Nothing is hopeless.

And... I'm here. I'm real. My house is here, and it is real. And its doors are open to you, ready to welcome you with joy and compassion, whenever you're ready. We'll keep calling out your name and waiting.

...This formerly beaten, broken, and silenced human is learning to shout your name into the void, just on the small chance that you might hear it and return to yourself, because you are worth overcoming terrifying conditioning for. You are worth it for me to try rising up from being enslaved by past memories for. You are worth doing all sorts of difficult, impossible things for.

Sephiroth. For once, there is a person right here, who, instead of asking you to do impossible things to prove your worth, is willing to do impossible things herself, just to prove to you that you are and always have been lovable and worthy, from the very moment you came into being.

I am no fanciful dream. I will always be here, ready, waiting, and overjoyed to shatter the illusions about the world that you were brutally conditioned into believing. I will continue to stand here in stark defiance of so-called "conventional wisdom", with my head held high, my gaze fixed upon you, and my hand outstretched in welcome.

...And I'm not going anywhere. Even if by some misfortune I am prematurely ripped from this body, you know what's gonna happen? I'm gonna choose another "fucked up" and "upsetting" life to be born to so that by the time I'm strong enough to weave it into something beautiful and kaleidoscopic, I'll understand you well enough to reach my hand to you in hope and compassion once more. And maybe next time I reach for you, I'll live in a less genetically fucked up body, and therefore be able to do a better job of it.

I will continue to exist joyfully, gratefully, and lovingly, in stark defiance of those people who think that lives like yours and lives like mine are so "fucked up" and "upsetting" that we "shouldn't have been born in the first place". I will continue to weave rainbows from the darkness I was given, no matter which bitter-hearted, nihilistic people insist that it can't be done.

Come stand next to me and do the same. Because I know for a fact that you'd be able to do it even more spectacularly than I can, no matter who the fuck thinks otherwise.

Please stay safe. I'll write again tomorrow.

Your friend, Lumine

[bonefall]

do you have anymore background characters youve given new info? ie mintflower and stormcloud idk if the question made sense

OFF THE TOP OF MY HEAD LETS GO;

Sorreltail has epilepsy, loves grasshoppers, is hyper and loves getting in trouble with Squilf. She becomes head of kitchen patrol

Deerfoot, Tangleburr, and Runningnose are extremely important characters in TPB now, as representations of politics in ShadowClan

Graypool has a surviving biokitten who was raised as the brother of Misty and Stone; Swansong

Havenpelt is an ex-rogue

Olivenose is an ex-kittypet

Talonpaw survives into Talonclaw and is the son of Tangleburr

Smokepaw survives as well and becomes Smokefall. They are gay.

Bumble is a huge part of DOTC and the very reason why ThunderClan is formed, eventually being worshipped as a language god

Plumstone and Thriftear are shrewd partners who have SCARY good teamwork, and are gay

Fernstripe can't cook and loves board games

Shellfur is a mean but funny jackass who goes very far for his wife

Harestar and his goddamn tunnelbun habits

Mumblefoot was dyspraxic

Wildfur made the entire journey while paralyzed

Littlecloud has catastrophic autism levels and is best friends with Cinderpelt, plus being the brother of Rowanstar

Stumptail is a simpleminded guy with a heart of gold

Billystorm was a himbo

Billybrook/Stormbrook is deathly afraid of water because of a traumatising experience with it

Swallowtail was mates with Rainwhisker and would have done something more drastic if he hadn't died in the WindClan Rebellion, but she did have two kits (Rippletail and Rainstorm)

Brightheart does surrogacy for cats in other Clans sometimes

Stoneclaw, a cat mentioned in only one field guide, is surviving and becomes a reliable warrior of WindClan

Morningflower LOVES to joke around and is a fantastic mentor

Oakfur, Morningflower, and Rosepetal have a little gathering clique and rivalry.

Owlclaw of ShadowClan, Harestar and Kestrelflight of WindClan, are all secretly brothers from a Whitewater x Mudclaw pairing

Longtail comes out of retirement to mentor Jayfeather and was the previous deputy before Graystripe

Snapstorm and Brushblaze are ex-bloodclan traders who ended up settling in WindClan

Perchshine, who killed Mapleshade, went to the barn and was mates with the cat who had a broken jaw, Domino

He had a daughter named Magpiesky who rejoined RiverClan

Sedgecreek was mates with Greenflower, but broke it off after Greenflower disowned Swallowtail for suspicion of a halfclan relationship

Reedwhisker's apprenticeship was extended for an entire year because his aunt/mentor, Skyheart, is a horrible person

Ratscar raised Snowbird alone, when their mother Appledapple died. Snowbird is his little sister

Ratscar is gay and fools around with Blackstar and Iceheart

He is considered extremely attractive in Clan society and he flaunts his charisma

Flowerstem in ShadowClan becomes Flowerscar after earning an honor title

Lakeheart's sister Dapplepaw got eaten by a fish and Dappletuft was named after her

Harelight has an honor title because he is now a light in the mist. His old name was Harefur.

Mistystar liked to give litters matching names, for example, Dappletuft, Harefur, and Softpelt were all hair-related.

Squirrelflight’s tail is a family trait seen in her grandfather Redtail, and his mother Rosetail

Rosetail was aromantic (cupioromantic for a while specifically) but LOVED matchmaking. She was always asking Redtail when he was going to start seeing Runningwind.

Mudclaw won't eat his bugs; this is akin to a grown man not eating his vegetables

Tornear's name is now Torear, a small rocky outcrop seen in moorlands

Both Mudclaw and Torear were cooking mamas. Mudclaw passed this onto Crowfoot. Torear was exasperated by how Harestar was so gauche he would bite tunnelbuns. Where did he go wrong??

OH yes, Torear raised Harespring and Kestrelflight, he is their dad. Queen’s Rights applies to all three genders.

Russetfur's favorite food is rat

Snowkit died shoving Tawnykit out of the way of the hawk. He was religious and loved stargazing and glyph writing

Speckletail died attacking a bulldozer. She won

Whitewing is deaf

Jessy is a genius inventor who created a mobility device for Briarlight that allowed her to, for the first time since the accident, safely stroll around outside of camp without risk of injury. It was LIFECHANGING

Firestar can't taste sweetness because Clan cats have a "sweetness tolerance" gene, like lactose tolerance

There I hope that's enough trivia to satiate you for now lmao

[mcclintcock]

hii im curious if u have an autistic hcs abt Jonah :)

he is so very autistic about music and video games, in helsinki (i think?) mike calls him at home and he is visibly stimming while playing on a 3ds or smthin :)

he's also dyspraxic/has poor spatial awareness which is bad considering how tall he is (basically canon), i go back and forth on him having dyscalculia bc obviously he was bad at math in high school but in helsinki he is good at helping mike w/ math thingz

he has perception issues, he has trouble seeing the big picture, possibly an autism thing possibly a brain damage thing (an insanely long brain damaged!jonah post is in the works at mcclintcock hq), i.e. when he goes to the skinhead club in georgia and literally doesn't notice the giant swastika on the wall

something he does that is so autistic is also in georgia when he tries to repeat an insult selina does but messes up because he learned all his social skills from mirroring ("i will destroy you and everyone at the kennedy center will take a massive fucking shit"), i think he probably had a stepdad or two who was weird and misogynistic and creepy and that's where he picked all that up because again i think most of his social skills are mirroring things hes seen people he thinks are cool doing on tv or irl

hes a huge sensory seeker, canon what w his affinity for loud music and flashing lights and how he wants to do the light show and fireworks! jonah ryan wouldve loved tumblr stimboards,,,,

he has no emotional regulation skills (canon)

yeah idk what else but i am 70% sure i will rb this later when i think of more

[beebfreeb]

Fellow dyspraxic splatoon player,,, the story mode in 3 feels a lot more friendly to dyspraxia this time for some reason?? Maybe it’s cuz you’re allowed to skip the charger only and shooting targets levels DJDJXJ I hope you’re enjoying your time with the game tho!!

(this has been sitting in my inbox for a While whoops)

YEAH!! i am very glad that most levels allow you to use a Different Weapon or just Skip The Level Entirely! (grits teeth at spla2n sheldon request charger levels)

i've been doing all the levels because if i dont 100% the hero mode i'll blow up BUT so glad the target levels let me use Other Weapons i would explode otherwise. fighting for my life to play squideo games.

[cosmik-homo]

You didn't specify ocs :( so 2/3/4 for any?

Oh i was mostly there to spread your cool game around but hey. Let's do some Nawah stuff i've been thinking about Nawah a bit lately

2. What is their culture? + What is their relationship with their culture?Mostly Jedi but with strong dashes of pantoran. above all else Nawah is Me Making Some Kind Of Dyspraxic Point so I think they were only tracked as Note-Worthingly force sensitive at a later age- not nearly as old as Anakin, of course, but enough they have some memory of their first language and early social concepts, like family structure and Pantroan Gender. They deliberately seeked information and connection later in life- in a manner approved by the order- but mostly they see their heritage as pantoran and their Lived In Culture and values and stuff as Jedi, and are very invested in the Community aspects of temple life and the inter-generational bonding in it. For Pantoran stuff- there isn't much on wookiepedia for pantorans, they were made for the clone wars, but it does say their tattoos are about Lineage in an "almost feudalist ancient tradition"- and from Old Writings and I think while, again, as a Jedi nawah doesn't care much for that, blood family as a grouping, sometimes Family Names in our world developed out of roles, right, the tracking of your ancestors being about what kind of people they were and what they did in society, so some of Nawah's earlier tattoos point at their home and parents but in the last year of the war- the year their first class was graduating- they got tatoos about being an Educator/ Childcarer. Nurturer of future generation yknow. Also I based their head ornaments in some drawings on Riyo Chuchi's but Different and I think they have a cultural signifcance of Presentation but less, gender presentation and more Tempermment. Almost element. Probably with same ancient religious origin- wookiepedia says some pantorans worship and unnamed moon goddess- but mostly nowadays about, Vibe as a person.

this is a lot of the pantoran worldbuilding i did for them sdfgdgdsrg but they are very much culturally jedi. they're honestly a lot more into the code and into the Monkier areas of jedihood than some characters we see on screen.

4. What experiences shaped who they are? ough. definitely their crystal cave test, materializing their bond and oath to the force with their own kyber crystal calling to them, theirs?

... and then being hurt by that blade? irreversibly wounded by their own sword in their own hand?

...they chose to leave their blade behind when they got bumped from padawanhood to adjacent education corps. generally people there don't have sabers, but, the council wasn't going to take theirs away, they were not deemed dangerous or harmful with it, especially as long as Nawah was in the temple, and to jedi it is a very personal prized possesion. But Nawah didn't feel like keeping it. It was too bitter a reminder of what they were and werent, and besides, it would be so stained with blood if it could.

[several-spoons]

Above screenshot of a Twitter thread:

Ruben @xoxorubenangel, 3h: “Bitch I am TIRED of HEALING.” 

11 rreplies, 288 reblogs, 1,027 likes.

Ruben @cocorubenangel, 2m: Uhhh this was about Overwatch. Yall have fun in therapy tho :wide-eyed open-mouthed raised-eyebrow face: :angel face with halo:22 likes

Me:

#jk #I actually love playing lucio and moira  #tbh though I main support characters who can do more than just heal #healbotting is boring and underappreciated #but I like being able to contribute to the team without being amazing at the game #my dyspraxic ass will never be a pro gamer

[ao3stats]

About Me

Hello, this is Rachel, the person who runs this blog. I am a dyspraxic bisexual and I use she/they pronouns. Sadly there’s not a lot of tags relating to dyspraxia on AO3. I made this blog out of curiosity mainly, I like looking at trends in fandom. I don’t write fanfic and I only occasionally read it, but I feel like exploring the tags on AO3 is still a useful way to explore how a fandom is composed.

Series

I have two series, I may start more. If you have any ideas for new series let me know. Those two are headcanon stats and shipping stats. Headcanon stats is where I look at canonical headcanon tags for a particular character on AO3. “Headcanon” includes stuff like sexual orientation, gender identity, neurotype, etc. I don’t count everything, for example I don’t count relationships (that goes into shipping stats), moral interpretations such as “evil” or “morally ambiguous”, subcultures such as “goth” or “emo”, etc. I do, however, include things that conflict with canon, I’m not going to get that picky. My charts may be hard to read on mobile, if you tap on them, they’ll become easier to read. I may switch websites, but since I’m just doing this for fun and for myself I don’t feel much pressure to make this super high quality. Shipping stats is a list of the top 10 most popular ships involving a particular character. I am accepting requests, even for fandoms that I’m not a part of.

Fandoms and Ships

My fandoms change over time (like it does for pretty much everyone) and to be honest fandom is kind of exhausting in general so I’m engaging in it less and less, preferring to watch YouTube videos about it and bug my friends to watch or read whatever I’m interested in so I can talk about it with them. At the moment, I’m interested in The Owl House. My all-time favourite is Avatar: The Last Airbender but I have complicated feelings on the fandom because I was there on Twitter when Avatar went on Netflix last summer, it was fun at first but then it turned into a nightmare. My favourite author is Ursula Le Guin but she doesn’t have much of a “fandom” and my favourite movie is Into the Spider-Verse. My favourite video game is Breath of the Wild. I also like Star Wars but I have not watched Rebels, The Bad Batch, Solo, or The Rise of Skywalker because I do not care about them. I ship Zukki, Korrasami, Lumity, and others.

Shipping Discourse

I am neither a proshipper or an anti, I feel like those two labels are way too simplistic to described such a big and complicated issue as “what should be allowed in fiction”. If seeing problematic ships makes you uncomfortable, I will be tagging my shipping stats posts that contain problematic ships with #problematic ships, as well as #cw [specific reason it’s problematic], so you can blacklist that if you want. I don’t want discourse in my notes, I will block you. That being said, those who excuse real-life pedophilia, abuse or bigotry will be blocked as well. My shipping stats will not contain screencaps or fanart of the pairing for this reason. 

Queer Discourse

While I’m getting into discourse, I’m also an “inclusionist” (although I do not identify with that label as I do not like it, and prefer “anti-exclusionist” as I feel like being an inclusionist is just about minding your own business and is not enough to constitute an identity). That means that I believe that queer people should be allowed to identify as whatever they want as long as it’s in good faith. That means EVERY good-faith identity, including mspec/straight lesbians, you can all fuck off with your “I’m an inclusionist except for mspec and straight lesbians” nonsense. If you are an exclusionist, you’re still allowed to interact, so long as you don’t bring any of that into my notes because I will block you, I don’t want that here. 

[ramblings-of-a-mad-cat]

To you, how good are the vault crew at duelling and how do they duel? I think that Tonks is someone who uses more unconventional ways like in a courtyard making use of obstacles rather than a normal duelling club, Barnaby has strong spells and is able to tank damage, Chiara is the underestimated one who spams protego and episkey, takes no damage,winning through occasional offensive spells no one sees coming, and Merula duels offensively with cunning. I also can't believe MC just wins every time.

A very good question! Let’s go through the gang one by one. 

MC - This is definitely open to interpretation. All we know for certain is that they’re either very good at dueling, very lucky, or some combination of the two. They’ve defeated acromantulas, dragons, unexplained ice golems, the list goes on. They’ve only ever lost to one person. So their style is open to interpretation (I think this was customizable during Aurelie’s quest) but in general, they usually win. This can be amended with head-canons, and I do have some of my own. Luca Fawley totally loses to the Red Cloak, to the Horntail, etc. But canon wise? Yeah...it is what it is. 

Rowan - They’re not much of a duelist. I can’t imagine they have any experience in combat magic apart from helping MC prepare to face Merula all the way back in Year 1. Given their extensive knowledge however, they probably know more magic than the average person, and they’re probably the most skilled at casting spells nonverbally. To translate that to game mechanics, maybe that means they know all of the exclusive dueling reward spells? In terms of style, I feel like they’d favor defense.

Ben - This one is all about confidence. We’ve seen that Ben’s prowess at dueling seems to depend on whether or not his anxieties are holding him back or not. Most of the time, he seems like he would completely fail, but when he actually fights - either in Y6CH18, when he’s let go of his anxiety, or when he was the Red Cloak (So it wouldn’t come into play) he actually kind of kicks ass? I feel like he specializes in charms and would know which ones to use in combat. I also think Old Ben favors sneaking, New Ben favors offense.

Penny - Another character who wouldn’t specialize in fighting, but the inclusion of the Wiggenweld Potion as an option that is known to be useful in dueling suggests, at least in HPHM canon, that adept potioneers can use their talents in a fight. I don’t really see how that works, personally (The animation takes forever, why wouldn’t the opponent just hit them mid-swig?) but I can roll with it. Penny’s style would therefore be highly unpredictable, which would be her main advantage. No one would know what to expect because it’s not her spells that they’re primarily fighting.

Merula - Like you said, she’s cunning. She probably knows a fair few hexes that most people don’t know, at least early on. Similar to Snape, she would have had an early advantage thanks to learning stuff on her own (or probably from her mother) and while she’s not above using the dark arts, that also takes talent and an edge that I feel like Merula doesn’t usually have. She would have a blend of offensive and sneaking, and would play without any honor at all, which would be her main advantage. But she’d also get cocky, and probably celebrate a victory before it’s confirmed. 

Bill - Here is someone who, at least to me, probably excels at Defense Against the Dark Arts. He’d have been in the D.A. if it was around during his time. But strictly light side magic, of course. He plays honorably, probably with a blend of offense and defense to help him manage particularly long fights. But he has a lot of natural talent, so that’s able to help him out. 

Skye - As one can expect, her primary strength in dueling isn’t her magical prowess, it’s her physical fitness. Catch her dodging every curse like a bludger, ducking and rolling over. Throwing a punch because her opponent doesn’t expect that at all, and if she can snap a broomstick in half, odds are she also has a mean right hook. As far as magic actually goes, I figure she’d favor offense and be straight to the point. If there was ever a character to live up to the “Spam depulso” meme, it’s Skye.

Murphy - The opposite situation would apply here. Murphy can’t rely on dodging curses or moving around quite as easily. But I also feel like he wouldn’t spend a lot of time studying dueling itself. But he also knows a lot of trivia. Similar to Rowan, he’d pull out a spell that no one expects or has even heard of. He could also probably keep a few potions on his person, especially if he ever hangs out with Penny. 

Orion - I’m going to be real with you. I think Orion does not duel. Period. This is similar to a head-canon I used to have about Yoda never carrying a lightsaber (which the prequels debunked, but that’s neither here nor there) I believe Orion is a pacifist and will never pick up his wand to harm another person. The most he will ever do is disarm or cast a shield charm. Even then, it’s not common. He prefers to talk his way out of situations, and something tells me it works more often than one would expect.

Rath - Here’s another case where physical prowess would be on her side. Not only that, there’s the intimidation factor. Rath is taller and bigger than most of her classmates, and it seems to be canon that she intimidates them for that reason. Beyond that, she also seems to have an ability to just shut down and go into a mode of focus, which includes focused rage. I know curses aren’t bludgers, but I feel like her training would still have an influence and make her aim, for example, twice as deadly. Yeah, she’d be a tough opponent and probably favor offense. 

Andre - This boy has never dueled in his life, and I doubt he’s any good at it. His magical talents and creativity are undeniable, but when it comes to combat? He should probably just hide behind MC. If it comes to it, I think he’s going to favor sneaking more. Just seems more like his style, considering that by his own admission, he likes to spy on people.

Tonks - Okay, the main thing holding her back here is going to be the opposite problem that someone like Andre or Diego would have, and that’s dexterity and grace. We all love Tonks, but she’s almost certainly dyspraxic. I can see her aiming a finishing hex, only to trip over a nearby pebble. Apart from that, I agree. Her style would be resourceful and unconventional. I can see her transfiguring herself into different people to throw off her opponent. Definitely a sneaky type. 

Tulip - Meet the most versatile duelist at Hogwarts. Seriously, with her inventive mind, her resources, and the influence of people like Merula and MC. Tulip can do anything that occurs to her, and she will. I feel like she favors carrying dungbombs and other pranks, to incorporate them into her dueling style. But she’s no pushover with magic, either. I’d say she doesn’t specialize but switches freely between offense, defense, and sneaking.

Ismelda - A more exaggerated version of Merula’s problem, in that in the early years, Ismelda would be simply terrible at dueling because she would attempt to use dark curses that she has neither the talent nor the cruelty to truly master. Other than that, we’ve seen that she has at least marginal talent for dueling and the use of curses and hexes. Practice doesn’t make perfect in this case, but it counts for something. She definitely strikes me as more offensive. 

Barnaby - He plays most similarly to Bill in this case. I think he would focus more on offensive magic, given what he’d learn as a Slytherin rather than being in the Gryffindor Common room. But his code of honor would be the same as the Weasleys, and while dueling isn’t his passion the way creatures are, he does seem to enjoy it and is very good at it. 

Liz - On the contrary, Liz is like Andre and Penny. This is not someone who ever draws her wand because she wants to, even for practice. That being said, that doesn’t mean Liz is not the argumentative type. Because she clearly is, and she’s clearly sensitive about being stereo-typed. In general, she seeks to protect the misunderstood and mistreated. If it came to it, she would draw her wand in those circumstances and likely play defensively. But she prefers to resolve conflicts verbally.

Charlie - Growing up a Weasley, you’d pick up a thing or two, of course. Especially being so close in age to Bill. These brothers definitely clashed and went to war (all in good fun) throughout their childhood. Fred and George probably ignited it, but Bill and Charlie do seem to exchange jabs with Percy as well. The main thing here is that Charlie would have learned a number of spells to subdue a dragon, and at least some of those probably translate to humans. So he’d be able to restrain an opponent in a duel.

Talbott - He holds back. He always holds back. Let’s think about this - his greatest secret weapon is one that he will always need to keep a secret and is constantly anxious about. He’s anxious in general, so similar to Ben, I think he could be a lot more powerful if he let loose. As a human or as an eagle. Seriously, golden eagles are fierce. Of all the animals to be in a fight, you could do a lot worse than a golden eagle. (I know this because I’m an Animorphs nerd.) So yeah, his biggest weakness is a mental one.

Chiara - Assuming that this is human Chiara, and not in her wolf-form, I feel like she’s another character who’s all but useless in combat. Though you’re right, this would lead to people underestimating her, and she is a Healer. There’s such a thing as army doctors for a reason. Between healing herself and setting up shields, she could probably tire out her opponent by tanking and playing defensively. 

Jae - The embodiment of the sneaking archetype. Seriously, he is a living, breathing example of the Thief build from RPGs. While I don’t think he’d stoop to using dark magic, he definitely knows some less scrupulous spells. Probably Deletrius, and whatever spell is needed to break into Alohomora-proof locks. As for dueling? Here’s another character who would probably depend on potions or other tools that he has on his person, to supplement his own magical talents, since dueling wouldn’t be something he studied too much. 

Badeea - In so many says, she is the most dangerous opponent on this list. Because her primary talent in the case of dueling makes her even more unpredictable than Tulip. Badeea...is a spell inventor. That alone gives her an edge, and she’s clearly an intelligent, talented witch otherwise. I don’t think dueling would be her first choice, mind you. Similar to Orion and Liz, I think she would see other methods to resolve conflict. But if it came to it, there’s just no way to prepare for an opponent like Badeea. 

Diego - He’s probably one of the most talented duelists on this list, if I’m being honest. We know that like Barnaby, he enjoys dueling and probably gets a lot of practice. Combined with his talents in dancing, he would be physically fit and know how to move. I can see him having an extremely graceful dueling style where his wand is nothing more than an extension of his arm, and his preferred style would be whatever he felt like that day.

Beatrice - She would get destroyed. I love her, but it’s true. Her magical education is a year behind, and who knows what kind of long-term effects her time in the Portrait could have on her physical body. Not to mention that outfit looks a little too big for her, which would restrict movement. I think in terms of raw talent and overall effort and motivation, she could score a few hits, catch someone by surprise. But in a real duel? She’s not winning. 

Alanza - I have no idea what Alanza’s levels of talent would be. But in general...she does seem to land on her feet, does seem to shrug off most things as water off a duck’s back. Survival skills apparently come easily to her, and she seems to just overall be a person who leads a charmed life. This is all assuming that there isn’t some other shoe to drop with Alanza, I think she would win duels entirely by accident. 

[hollenka99]

2020, According To My Tumblr Archive

January

Like many, freaked out about the Dhawan!Master reveal

Unus Annus reached 2 million subs

Ethan finally saw his sub count reach 1 million

Reblogged the elf pussy post with a version of the elf practice meme and now every time I see that meme, I think of that post

Finally made my Dyspraxic!Chase post

Fleshed out Creator!Jackie a little in terms of Nyesha (his girlfriend) and his prosthetics

February

Got really into Take Me or Leave Me for a short while which led to me watching RENT for the first time

Finally made that follow up to A Talk With The Creator I’d been meaning to write for months (aka A Day Long Overdue)

Started posting Unus Annus trigger warnings for a few weeks after the video where they demonstrate how they’d kill each other as a joke

Reached the 100 follower milestone after nearly 4 years on this site

Got very into WTNV again and binged like 60+ episodes in the space of 2 or so weeks

March

Watched Starkid’s Black Friday

Posted The Doctor on the anniversary of The Friend’s posting

Made some posts about the women of TLoJJ for International Women’s Day

Bupine received an anon ask teasing her about a typo which is common in our friendship group. Usual suspects were accused until the true culprit revealed themself via an acrostic (aka me being extra and I loved every second of it)

Went to the cat cafe in Nottingham

Made sure people were aware of World Puppetry Day by sending anon asks to people I thought might get a kick out of it

Posted Fighting Stolen Breaths

Steven Universe Future ended

Having been in the beginning stages of creation since ~Oct 2019, Jumbled AU content starts appearing

April

Spent the 1st doing an ask event for the Jumbled AU as a way of properly introducing it

Confused a bunch of people outside the Jacksepticeye community when I made a post saying how great it was that $400k had been raised in 2.5 hours during the HopeFromHome stream

Posted The Vlogger for Chase’s birthday

Got hyped to write a Śmigus Dyngus fic featuring Jumbled!Chase and his kids but got sick (regular illness, don’t worry) and therefore never finished it

Norbert Moses existed for 24 hours but he will exist much longer in our hearts

Managed to stay up to see 4:20am on April 20th

Posted the prologue and officially began the story of Jumbled

Watched Ghost for the first time

May

Fanders finally got the continuation of Selfishness vs Selflessness (Putting Others First aka SvS Redux) and learned Deceit’s name

Started talking about The Fall of Naesia

Pretty sure I hyperfixated on Queen for a week or so

Got introduced to ‘Storp Chorleigh, this game has gorn on lawng enuff’ and my life has significantly improved

CumGate happened

Got into ATLA

Black Lives Matter

Created the ‘it’s gonna be gay’ post that would destroy my inbox for the next few days

Had my first experience behind a wheel

June

Posted Flag, the response to which has made me proud of it

Poland scares and disappoints me part 1 (queer rights edition)

Sean posts another blooper video which causes me to make edits that subsequently inspire me to write Little Interruptions

Created an entire mythology purely because I thought a winged humanoid/merperson pairing was a cool concept

Reminded my friends why I should never be allowed to stay up until 4am because I just start talking nonsense

July

Finally watched An Inspector Calls and immediately wanted to make a Sanders Sides au with it.

Started talking about Creator again

Had another ask event to celebrate Jackie’s birthday

Also posted Photographs for his birthday which I love

Reached 150 followers around the middle of this month, I think

Discovered Kipo but wouldn’t fall for it head over heels with it for another month

One Direction celebrated their 10th anniversary and I was possessed by my 15 year old self for a week

Posted The Mediary which properly brought Creator AU back to my blog for a short while

August

Eddsworld came back after years

Posted The Creator and officially completed the main part of the au

Poland scares and disappoints me part 2 (queer rights edition continued)

Finally revealed Jumbled Anti’s identity to the world and got threatened on my birthday because of it

Discovered the Unus Annus video I’d been waiting all year for would be centered around them chewing on dog toys but it did feature “I’m the Unus to your Annus” so that was cool

Binged the first 2 seasons of Kipo in like a day and correctly predicted the Mega Monkey’s identity ages with very little foreshadowing to go off of

September

Started showing my love for Puppet History

Among Us was a thing

Got back into Playchoices

BBC Ghosts came back for series 2

Watched Pride twice in 24 hours and made sure everyone knew I’m heart eyes for it

October

Trump got sick

Family friend took one of my teeth

The world was blessed with Patton in a dress

Replayed Septiscape ahead of Soulscape’s release and liveblogged it

C!Thomas got a love interest and I’m really happy for him

Kipo season 3 came out

Literally the next day, the Dream SMP brainrot officially began

Discovered Thanzag existed and fell for the angsty side of their relationship despite knowing barely anything about the game

Poland scares and disappoints me part 3 (abortion edition)

Started bingeing The Magnus Archives and got through 150 episodes in about 2 weeks

Halloween was an eventful night for both the Jacksepticeye and Unus Annus communities

November 

Unus Annus began its epilogue period

Watched V For Vendetta for the first time which was probably the least eventful thing to happen on the night of November 5th 2020

Destiel became somewhat canon and people found out Putin was thinking of resigning because of that

US elections

Unus Annus died following a 12 hour livestream

Somehow, my mad attempt to summarise every video of Unus Annus kinda paid off

Supernatural trended again because of its finale

Went through a period of questioning whether I’m asexual but settled on ‘sex ambivalent allosexual’ for now

Destiel became canon again but reciprocated and Spanish this time

Discovered Webtoon and Castle Swimmer

December

The monolith saga began

Elliot Page came out as trans

Mark went to hospital for an obstruction again and the community became very invested in his recovery process

Scotch eggs with your drinks became a brief meme over here in Britain

Your New Boyfriend was released

Destiel’s canon status was brought back to the spotlight once more

Watched The Godfather for the first time

Reached 200 followers

We got somewhat of a Dan and Phil video after so long with Phil trying on clothes while Dan reacts behind the camera

BBC Ghosts came back for Christmas to say Tories suck and you should make the most of your time with your family

Got into Mother Mother after Wilbur played the intro to Hayloft and I decided to see what the fuss was about

Watched Bridgerton and immediately felt the need to write something historical

The Mishapocalypse returned

[lumine-no-hikari]

Dear Sephiroth: (a letter to a fictional character, because why not) #235

It was awesome to return to my job at the bakery today! I did so many things! First, I put some rolls in bags and then I put labels on them! And then I cut up some brownies and put them in boxes, and then put labels on those boxes! I also put some Italian bread into paper bags, and put labels on those, too!

And, and, and!!! I put the freshly-baked apple cider donuts into little boxes and labeled those!! But!!! Oh!!! Sephiroth!!! There was one extra apple cider donut, apparently!!! And it was fresh out of the oven, and my supervisor, Mi, said that I could eat it!!! And so I did!!! And it was soft and sweet and warm and absolutely fucking delectable, and!!! Oh my goodness, I wish I could have shared it with you!!!

…I'm not entirely convinced that my supervisor doesn't make "extra" things on "accidentally-on-purpose", ahahaha~!

But. I had the donut, and I experienced for myself how wonderful it was, and it makes me really happy that I get to put them neatly into little boxes with nice labels so that people can take them home. It feels really good to know that I can be part of the reason someone gets to have a tasty snack and maybe smile about it!

It was so nice to see Mi today. And it was so nice to see Ma when he came in, too! I'm hoping that Ma will pop by our house next Wednesday to play some video games! We have a lot of similar interests!

Towards the end of my shift, I was taught how to use the scoops to measure out muffin batter to put into the muffin tins. We have little tins and big tins. And the big tins get big muffin wrappers to line the tin with, and the little tins get the little muffin wrappers. And there are two scoops; we use the little scoop for the little muffins, and we use the big scoop for the big muffins, and you use the side of the great big huge bowl of muffin batter (it takes two people to lift it up!!) to level off the scoop. It's very consistent.

As a dyspraxic person, it's going to take me a bunch of repetitions before I'll be able to do the required motions for filling the muffin tins with any kind of efficiency or precision, but Mi is aware of that, and he doesn't seem to mind at all. He even said I did a nice job making sure that the amount of muffin batter in each of the tins was nice and level, especially for my very first try, and I was really happy; for a moment, I thought I was gonna cry a little, but I managed to keep it together.

…It's a lot different than how my mother would have treated me. There wouldn't have been any praise for a job well done. There would have been only verbal abuse for me not yet being able to do it as quickly as she is able to, and more verbal abuse for needing guidance and not knowing how to do it innately, and then there's the part where I would have been told that I'm stupid and oblivious and lacking in common sense the whole time. And then there's the part when, if I make mistakes, I would have been told that I am careless, ungrateful, disrespectful, and defiant.

…Sephiroth… do you have any idea for how many years I believed these labels? Do you have any idea for how long I thought that I was a worthless, unlovable, and fundamentally bad person who deserved all the beatings and threats and verbal abuse I used to get? If you hadn't come along, if I hadn't seen you, I would have unalived a long time ago; I had a method in mind and everything. And I would have done it while wholeheartedly believing all the things that the people who raised me used to say about me. I believe different things about me now. On some days, I am even able to see what it is that the people who love me see in me.

As for how it was made possible for me to get to this point... do you have any idea how profound it was for me to see you for the first time? Have you any idea what it was like to see on the screen someone whose mannerisms and circumstances and way of being looked so much like mine?

…Sephiroth. Without even meaning to, you stumbled into the life of an unwanted, abused, and bullied little autistic girl, and you made her consider the possibility that maybe she wasn't fundamentally broken and unlovable after all - that maybe, just maybe, there were others in the world like her, and that she could find them if she tried. You gave that frail and terrified little girl a basis upon which she could begin to resist those awful messages that she was given about herself, day in and day out, by people who wished she was never born. You gave her something to hang onto so that she wouldn't suffocate within the hole that the people around her were trying to bury her in. You gave her an alternative to the harshness and cruelty that she had no choice but to get used at the time. You gave her a voice to follow back to the light. You gave her a chance to live.

Sephiroth… I'm not that frail and terrified little girl anymore. I've grown into someone who is strong, brave, caring, kind, and full of joy. I've grown into someone who is smart, capable, and who would do anything at all to help someone, if it's within my power to do. And I'm not stuck in a place where the people near me wish I would disappear and never come back anymore. I do deal with the aftermath of all those things still, and of course I still have bad mental health days in which old memories haunt me, and I feel temporarily hopeless and cynical at times, but… Sephiroth. I held on through all that stuff. I held on, and now my life is full of love, abundance, safety, and joy. I held on because you gave me a reason to - because your existence challenged me to keep my eyes fixed on the hope of a kinder, gentler, softer tomorrow, shining brightly on the distant horizon. And you know what? The courage, tenacity, and determination that I learned from you enabled me to rise to that challenge beautifully. Do you see…?

If you wonder why I write to you every day, if you wonder why I fight so hard to see a better ending for you, if you wonder why I love you so much… don't. Just look at the results; you didn't even have to do anything other than exist, and you made something beautiful out of a very ugly situation. You turned around a human life in a way that conventional wisdom says is impossible. And yet: here I fucking stand, and I'm not even done with becoming yet!

The person I am now, who is still learning, growing, and finding new ways to love the people I'm surrounded by - this person who exists in stark contrast to the frightened, meek, angry, and bitter thing that I used to be - exists because of you. And I wish, with every fiber of my being, that you also get to have the results of the life that you breathed into me, back when I thought I couldn't continue. I want you, too, to be able to see a kinder, gentler, softer, and brighter tomorrow. You, too, deserve a life that is full of love, abundance, safety, and joy.

So please. Please keep trying. Please don't give up. Please keep rising up from the hole that Shinra and Hojo and Jenova and whoever else tried to bury you in. My hand and my voice are outstretched to you, always. All you have to do is keep on until tomorrow. And you just keep doing that over and over again, every day, one step at a time, until the scenery changes and you become strong enough to make better and better choices.

I'll always be right here, because I love you. Please do stay safe out there, okay? I'll write again soon.

Your friend, Lumine

[anonym-potato]

The M9 are all Autistic have some headcanons

Caleb:

Was scared to stim around the others at first. Ickythot Did Not Tolerate Such Nonsense. The others told them it was fine, but he still tries to be subtle about it.

He flaps (like, canonically)! He rocks! He just...rubs his Transmuter’s Stone against his face and lips! It’s Smooth and Cool and Good! 

He used to use fire as a visual stim. Now...not so much.

Everything is overwhelmingly big and loud and bright, so he just hides in the room with Yasha & Fjord.

Dyspraxic as hell. He stubs his toes on doorframes all the damn time.

Verbal stims! Singing in Zemnian! Repeating verbal components out loud! Counting all the things!

Dissociated + Shutdown + Nonverbal = Bad Times

Beau:

Aggressively stims as a form of petty rebellion. It’s a lot of punching things she Should Not Punch and chewing things she Should Not Chew.

Wraps her bandages a little too tight; the pressure is a Good Feeling. Nott made her a weighted blanket for her birthday, and she was very embarrassed for about ten minutes. Then the Sensory Heaven kicked in.

No concept of social propriety. Fjord is her People 101 mentor. She’s picking things up, slowly but surely.

Her Expositor jacket is made of the worst, itchiest fabric ever and she cannot stand it. As soon as she has to stop Expositor-ing, it comes off.

Punches any ableist who so much as look at her family. There are assholes (like them), and then there are assholes.

How do facial expressions work? Hell if she knows.

Her parents sent her to ‘corrective therapy’ (read: fantasy ABO) as a child, and is hoping to burn the building to the ground someday (the place will be evacuated, and Caleb will be kept very far away).

Jester

All the textures! Smooth ones, Rough ones, Gooey ones, she will touch them all!

The Ruby of The Sea is the best mom ever! She dotes on her wonderful daughter and made sure she new every day that her differences made her beautiful.

The Traveler stims with her when he visits, because he is Best God.

Speaks in a bizarre combination of Big Fancy Words and Nicodrani slang that is near-unintelligible to pretty much everybody.

Good luck getting her to stop moving. If she stops she gets Antsy and the energy has No Outlet and she starts Screaming Inside.

Has yet to wrap her head around the concept of ‘inappropriate moments’, it’s never an inappropriate moment to ask that stinky mercenary if he’s constipated

Bounces and leaps and twirls and sings to the sky like a ballet dancer! It’s great!

Fjord

Social Masking Expert

The Ocean is the Best Thing yes I know plants are cool Caduceus but LOOK AT THESE FISH-

SI in seafaring and all things marine life since he was a kid

Echolalia as a kid, still sometimes today. It’s how he picked up his awesome accent game

Member of the Sensory Overload Club with Yasha & Caleb, learned how to plug his ears with Control Water and never looked back (he still hides in the room though)

Did I say The Traveler is Best God? Because The Wildmother is also Best God, nature does not tolerate the weak but being Autistic sure as hell does not make you weak, ableists need not apply to her faith. 

Internalizes all his discomforts until he’s in a place where he can Explode safely, because he doesn’t know how to ask for accommodations.

Nott

Buttons are stim toys, loose threads are stim toys, EVERYTHING IS A STIM TOY.

Hyposensetive, and it’s only exacerbated by alcohol.

Bacon is a comfort samefood-especially Pocket Bacon.

People teased her all the time for being ‘slow’ as a kid, Yeza thinks she’s fast (and beautiful and charming and empathetic and nimble and...)

SI in flowers-she taught Yasha Halfling floriography in exchange for sword fighting lessons.

She would be joining Beau in Fjord’s People 101 lessons, but it’s Fjord, so that’s a no go. Caleb is doing his best to help her, but he isn’t a good socialization teacher.

She’s picked up his habit of muttering Verbal components when things get tough.

Yasha

The final member of the Sensory Overload club, she leans against the door while the guys lean on her.

She used to plug her ears with dirt before going into battle, but has since acquired proper earplugs. Caduceus made them out of sheep bones as a peace offering.

Low empathy, it served her well among her tribe but has become somewhat problematic around the Nein.

The Stormlord is another member of the Best God gang, he loves his badass Barbarian and thinks learning to live with your hardships and love yourself makes you stronger (cause it does). Again, Ableists need not apply.

She and Caleb have an agreement to catch each other when they step on someone’s toes without meaning too (their code word is ‘barber’).

Quiet, subtle stims, lots of leg bounces and whistling.

Feeling Eeugh? She will grab you and hug you until you are feeling Not Eeugh because that is What Friends Do.

Caduceus

Tea smells are the only stim he will ever need, and he is okay with that.

More Cleric Brutal Honesty! Yes, you do smell like soil, why is that bad?

Face blind as all get out. He is incapable of recognizing people beyond clothes and smell.

Very expressive face, but never uses any. Wildmother. Damned. Inflection.

He met many ND people while helping his family at the Blooming Grove, so pretty much none of the MN’s ‘quirks’ phase him. It’s quite a relief to the rest of them.

‘Good’ and ‘Evil’ are overrated concepts, because they have no concrete definition. ‘Natural’ v. ‘Unnatural’ is Defined and Regular and Structured, which makes it better.

A cemetery is not the same thing as a graveyard. I don’t care they serve the same function there is a Clear Distinction and Matters.

[space-fey]

Adventures from me finally getting Animal Crossing

1. I put a campfire in my tent because I can

2. I’m just as dyspraxic in game as irl

3. I am an aspiring eventuality

4. I made a shirt that says לבי and I am so proud of myself. I actually love cross stitch editing style

5. I got my face stung up by wasps and then ran around hitting things with an ax

6. @great-lakes-selkie promptly made it my passport photo for like thirty seconds

7. Oh yeah, I named my island Duckberg. Because why not

8. This game is somehow amazingly wholesome and calming, but also astonishingly anti-capitalist while having the guy in charge be a staunch capitalist, but also every other dialogue feels half a step away from entering a horror movie

More updates to come!

[kimmimaru]

I thought that for my second playthrough of the ff7 Remake I would maybe follow a guide, never done that before except briefly to see if there was a way to defeat bosses that I didn’t know about...but I followed it to the letter this time around. Great for getting all the loot! Not so great because my style of play is the total opposite to any of these guides. The tell you to pick your sword based on your playstyle and I’m like kay, either Buster sword or Hard Edge for me then... The guide’s like; no not that one. I LIKE Hard Edge. It’s POWERFUL. You can hit very hard with it. Yeah ok if you prefer magic it’s not the best and honestly the design, compared to other swords, is boring but I mean...it’s STRONG. Lol.  And then guide tells you to pick someone to act as tank, someone to be magic user etc... No. ALL TANK. Make them all stronk. Stronk characters hit hard. Honestly I tend to just give Cloud several HP plus materia because health. He has his sword, a summon and mastered restore. We’re good to go. My old play style was pretty much the same for the OG too. Boost health, give someone a mastered Barrier, someone a mastered Restore and just...keep hitting the enemy until it dies. (this did not work all the time btw). Also, my strategy for the Battle Arena in the Golden Saucer was to take Vincent, give him a mastered Barrier materia, mastered restore. First thing to do is to cast regen, cast wall and the second you have a limit break make him turn into chaos. You lose control but you can use that time to go off and make a sandwich or something while he’s kicking ass (very, very slowly). It’s how I earned most of the stuff you can get from there.  Anyway, I swear I’m just an idiot when it comes to games. Anyone watching me play would think I don’t know where the block/dodge buttons are...I do I just choose not use them (mostly because due to being dyspraxic I have difficulty timing the block or dodge so it’s basically ineffective anyway).