#fun fact: i consumed the AD before the novel

[archaeren]

How I learned to write smarter, not harder

(aka, how to write when you're hella ADHD lol)

A reader commented on my current long fic asking how I write so well. I replied with an essay of my honestly pretty non-standard writing advice (that they probably didn't actually want lol) Now I'm gonna share it with you guys and hopefully there's a few of you out there who will benefit from my past mistakes and find some useful advice in here. XD Since I started doing this stuff, which are all pretty easy changes to absorb into your process if you want to try them, I now almost never get writer's block.

The text of the original reply is indented, and I've added some additional commentary to expand upon and clarify some of the concepts.

As for writing well, I usually attribute it to the fact that I spent roughly four years in my late teens/early 20s writing text roleplay with a friend for hours every single day. Aside from the constant practice that provided, having a live audience immediately reacting to everything I wrote made me think a lot about how to make as many sentences as possible have maximum impact so that I could get that kind of fun reaction. (Which is another reason why comments like yours are so valuable to fanfic writers! <3) The other factors that have improved my writing are thus: 1. Writing nonlinearly. I used to write a whole story in order, from the first sentence onward. If there was a part I was excited to write, I slogged through everything to get there, thinking that it would be my reward once I finished everything that led up to that. It never worked. XD It was miserable. By the time I got to the part I wanted to write, I had beaten the scene to death in my head imagining all the ways I could write it, and it a) no longer interested me and b) could not live up to my expectations because I couldn't remember all my ideas I'd had for writing it. The scene came out mediocre and so did everything leading up to it. Since then, I learned through working on VN writing (I co-own a game studio and we have some visual novels that I write for) that I don't have to write linearly. If I'm inspired to write a scene, I just write it immediately. It usually comes out pretty good even in a first draft! But then I also have it for if I get more ideas for that scene later, and I can just edit them in. The scenes come out MUCH stronger because of this. And you know what else I discovered? Those scenes I slogged through before weren't scenes I had no inspiration for, I just didn't have any inspiration for them in that moment! I can't tell you how many times there was a scene I had no interest in writing, and then a week later I'd get struck by the perfect inspiration for it! Those are scenes I would have done a very mediocre job on, and now they can be some of the most powerful scenes because I gave them time to marinate. Inspiration isn't always linear, so writing doesn't have to be either!

Some people are the type that joyfully write linearly. I have a friend like this--she picks up the characters and just continues playing out the next scene. Her story progresses through the entire day-by-day lives of the characters; it never timeskips more than a few hours. She started writing and posting just eight months ago, she's about an eighth of the way through her planned fic timeline, and the content she has so far posted to AO3 for it is already 450,000 words long. But most of us are normal humans. We're not, for the most part, wired to create linearly. We consume linearly, we experience linearly, so we assume we must also create linearly. But actually, a lot of us really suffer from trying to force ourselves to create this way, and we might not even realize it. If you're the kind of person who thinks you need to carrot-on-a-stick yourself into writing by saving the fun part for when you finally write everything that happens before it: Stop. You're probably not a linear writer. You're making yourself suffer for no reason and your writing is probably suffering for it. At least give nonlinear writing a try before you assume you can't write if you're not baiting or forcing yourself into it!! Remember: Writing is fun. You do this because it's fun, because it's your hobby. If you're miserable 80% of the time you're doing it, you're probably doing it wrong!

2. Rereading my own work. I used to hate reading my own work. I wouldn't even edit it usually. I would write it and slap it online and try not to look at it again. XD Writing nonlinearly forced me to start rereading because I needed to make sure scenes connected together naturally and it also made it easier to get into the headspace of the story to keep writing and fill in the blanks and get new inspiration. Doing this built the editing process into my writing process--I would read a scene to get back in the headspace, dislike what I had written, and just clean it up on the fly. I still never ever sit down to 'edit' my work. I just reread it to prep for writing and it ends up editing itself. Many many scenes in this fic I have read probably a dozen times or more! (And now, I can actually reread my own work for enjoyment!) Another thing I found from doing this that it became easy to see patterns and themes in my work and strengthen them. Foreshadowing became easy. Setting up for jokes or plot points became easy. I didn't have to plan out my story in advance or write an outline, because the scenes themselves because a sort of living outline on their own. (Yes, despite all the foreshadowing and recurring thematic elements and secret hidden meanings sprinkled throughout this story, it actually never had an outline or a plan for any of that. It's all a natural byproduct of writing nonlinearly and rereading.)

Unpopular writing opinion time: You don't need to make a detailed outline.

Some people thrive on having an outline and planning out every detail before they sit down to write. But I know for a lot of us, we don't know how to write an outline or how to use it once we've written it. The idea of making one is daunting, and the advice that it's the only way to write or beat writer's block is demoralizing. So let me explain how I approach "outlining" which isn't really outlining at all.

I write in a Notion table, where every scene is a separate table entry and the scene is written in the page inside that entry. I do this because it makes writing nonlinearly VASTLY more intuitive and straightforward than writing in a single document. (If you're familiar with Notion, this probably makes perfect sense to you. If you're not, imagine something a little like a more contained Google Sheets, but every row has a title cell that opens into a unique Google Doc when you click on it. And it's not as slow and clunky as the Google suite lol) (Edit from the future: I answered an ask with more explanation on how I use Notion for non-linear writing here.) When I sit down to begin a new fic idea, I make a quick entry in the table for every scene I already know I'll want or need, with the entries titled with a couple words or a sentence that describes what will be in that scene so I'll remember it later. Basically, it's the most absolute bare-bones skeleton of what I vaguely know will probably happen in the story.

Then I start writing, wherever I want in the list. As I write, ideas for new scenes and new connections and themes will emerge over time, and I'll just slot them in between the original entries wherever they naturally fit, rearranging as necessary, so that I won't forget about them later when I'm ready to write them. As an example, my current long fic started with a list of roughly 35 scenes that I knew I wanted or needed, for a fic that will probably be around 100k words (which I didn't know at the time haha). As of this writing, it has expanded to 129 scenes. And since I write them directly in the page entries for the table, the fic is actually its own outline, without any additional effort on my part. As I said in the comment reply--a living outline!

This also made it easier to let go of the notion that I had to write something exactly right the first time. (People always say you should do this, but how many of us do? It's harder than it sounds! I didn't want to commit to editing later! I didn't want to reread my work! XD) I know I'm going to edit it naturally anyway, so I can feel okay giving myself permission to just write it approximately right and I can fix it later. And what I found from that was that sometimes what I believed was kind of meh when I wrote it was actually totally fine when I read it later! Sometimes the internal critic is actually wrong. 3. Marinating in the headspace of the story. For the first two months I worked on [fic], I did not consume any media other than [fandom the fic is in]. I didn't watch, read, or play anything else. Not even mobile games. (And there wasn't really much fan content for [fandom] to consume either. Still isn't, really. XD) This basically forced me to treat writing my story as my only source of entertainment, and kept me from getting distracted or inspired to write other ideas and abandon this one.

As an aside, I don't think this is a necessary step for writing, but if you really want to be productive in a short burst, I do highly recommend going on a media consumption hiatus. Not forever, obviously! Consuming media is a valuable tool for new inspiration, and reading other's work (both good and bad, as long as you think critically to identify the differences!) is an invaluable resource for improving your writing.

When I write, I usually lay down, close my eyes, and play the scene I'm interested in writing in my head. I even take a ten-minute nap now and then during this process. (I find being in a state of partial drowsiness, but not outright sleepiness, makes writing easier and better. Sleep helps the brain process and make connections!) Then I roll over to the laptop next to me and type up whatever I felt like worked for the scene. This may mean I write half a sentence at a time between intervals of closed-eye-time XD

People always say if you're stuck, you need to outline.

What they actually mean by that (whether they realize it or not) is that if you're stuck, you need to brainstorm. You need to marinate. You don't need to plan what you're doing, you just need to give yourself time to think about it!

What's another framing for brainstorming for your fic? Fantasizing about it! Planning is work, but fantasizing isn't.

You're already fantasizing about it, right? That's why you're writing it. Just direct that effort toward the scenes you're trying to write next! Close your eyes, lay back, and fantasize what the characters do and how they react.

And then quickly note down your inspirations so you don't forget, haha.

And if a scene is so boring to you that even fantasizing about it sucks--it's probably a bad scene.

If it's boring to write, it's going to be boring to read. Ask yourself why you wanted that scene. Is it even necessary? Can you cut it? Can you replace it with a different scene that serves the same purpose but approaches the problem from a different angle? If you can't remove the troublesome scene, what can you change about it that would make it interesting or exciting for you to write?

And I can't write sitting up to save my damn life. It's like my brain just stops working if I have to sit in a chair and stare at a computer screen. I need to be able to lie down, even if I don't use it! Talking walks and swinging in a hammock are also fantastic places to get scene ideas worked out, because the rhythmic motion also helps our brain process. It's just a little harder to work on a laptop in those scenarios. XD

In conclusion: Writing nonlinearly is an amazing tool for kicking writer's block to the curb. There's almost always some scene you'll want to write. If there isn't, you need to re-read or marinate.

Or you need to use the bathroom, eat something, or sleep. XD Seriously, if you're that stuck, assess your current physical condition. You might just be unable to focus because you're uncomfortable and you haven't realized it yet.

Anyway! I hope that was helpful, or at least interesting! XD Sorry again for the text wall. (I think this is the longest comment reply I've ever written!)

And same to you guys on tumblr--I hope this was helpful or at least interesting. XD Reblogs appreciated if so! (Maybe it'll help someone else!)

[bereft-of-frogs]

I got sooo tired of the booktok discourse this week that even my little forecast wasn’t even fun. (I had like half a draft about an ‘unseasonable classics debate’ before I just got too tired.) And part of that is being actually exhausted this week, because I haven’t had time to recover from the weekend but it’s also like...bleh because all of the ‘solutions’ to the discourse just lie somewhere in the middle and it exhausts me that we will just keep having these arguments forever because social media thrives off of the extremes because negative emotions keep people looking at ads longer.

Like

Sure, what works western society has decided form the ‘classical canon’ were largely white, eurocentric, straight, and male, and the introduction in many high school classrooms to complex or historical works is largely insufficient to foster a love of reading those denser, older texts, but writing off all ‘classics’ as boring and worthless is self-limiting and also dismissive of the many novels considered classics that are by marginalized authors. (And while no one as an adult should be shamed into reading classics, there is a point to teaching these works in high school and honestly if you want to be a writer - especially if you want to write retellings - you’re going to need to engage with classic texts. And you might even find you enjoy them!)

Everyone has their own personal limit when it comes to dark content, including fact-based dark content like true crime, and finding that comfort level is up to the individual. Some people might draw the line at only consuming true crime content about historical cases, where everyone involved is long dead. Others might only want to engage with nonviolent crime. Some people may not want to engage with works produced by large commercial studios, while others might be suspicious of the quality of fact checking and journalistic integrity of independent creators. That line is going to be different for everyone and it’s often a matter of trial and error to learn what to look for and find where your opinions lie. And while much modern true crime can be exploitative and it’s good to be aware of that exploitation and the ways documentary has narrative and intent like any other , being interested in those topics is not inherently immoral and says nothing about you or your values.

It can be really fun to challenge yourself to read more books by using tracking apps and setting goals, but if you find yourself purposefully doing things to inflate your count, like forgoing longer or more complex books you’d have otherwise chosen to read in favor of shorter ones or you’re misleading people about how you’ve gotten your totals so high or you’re not enjoying or absorbing what you’re reading or you’re flat out lying about it, it’s time to take a step back and ask yourself what you’re doing.

Boom. There it is. Done. I’ve solved like half of booktok’s problems.

I also just do not understand how so many people saw one snobby 20 year old and decided that they just had to weigh in dunking on her, and they’re the good guys in this? Like? One 20 year old versus like hundreds (I’ve probably seen hundreds at this point) of people calling her out on it and making fun of her appearance and saying that all classics are worthless and boring...and you think you’re all the good guys in this? You’re the heroes? Really? Really?

[conflictandscotchblog]

Life in the Form of a Question

There are certain things you expect to do in retirement, a check list if you will:

Start a new hobby – check

Finish the novel that has been in your desk for years – check

Get into a shouting match with a drunken asshole at the bar during trivia night – check

Each Monday night a group of us play trivia at a bar in Annandale (New Jersey). Its a big bar and a very friendly group of teams.

That is, it was until last Monday.

The trivia game is a simple process, each team has a small console where answer are input; questions flash on several TVs behind the bar. Three games, thirty questions each, pick the best response from five potential answers. Before each game there is a caveat: do not use cell phones and DO NOT SHOUT OUT ANSWERS (sorry for shouting).

Of course, the ‘don’t shout out answers’ is hard to enforce since drinking is involved. But its kept to a minimum. You may hear a stray answer from another table and, in fact, as a diversion our group may say an incorrect answer to throw off the other teams. But, as you say, we use our inside voices.

However, on this night, things got heated.

It started low key, a team at the bar was loud, as some teams are. As the night progressed, and I assume drinks consumed, they grew louder and louder. Towards the end of the last game, all decorum was tossed aside, and one player just shouted out answers, like he was shouting at the refs during a football game.

At this point in the game, from my seat at our table, I asked the man at the bar (well, yelled), “Excuse me, but can you please stop screaming out answers to the questions?”

He turned, and the shocked look on his face surprised me. As if what I asked was totally unexpected, that screaming in a bar is the most natural thing in the world (granted, some times, it is).

“What?”

I repeated, this time in a calmer voice, “Can you please stop shouting out answers to the questions. It’s jarring to hear you scream every time a new questions pops up.”

His companion, not sure if it was his wife, or friend, took a good two minutes to climb down off her bar stool and walked (sort of) over to us.

She apologized, and I accepted, then added if she could please get him to stop screaming at the TV. She told us they weren’t even playing the game, which means his actions perplexed me even more.

She went back to her seat at the bar, then heard him say, ‘bunch of guys bitchin’, playing for twenty dollars a game’ (it’s twenty-five-dollars a game, by the way).

I replied we were just trying to have fun but he cut me off and responded, “Hold on there, Karen, I wasn’t talking to you.”

Karen?

Mike from out table laughed and replied (extra loud), “Um, I don’t think he understand what a Karen is.”

The guy at the bar said he would quiet down, then added, “even though I know the answers.” Which, I assumed, was the point of his loud voice in the first place; everyone needed to know just how smart he was.

Finished the last game (which we won).

We sat at our table, a member from another team came up to us, gave me a hug, laughed and said, “You only won because Drew Carey gave you the answers.”

That was hysterical because the drunk asshole at the bar looked like Drew Carey with his gray hair and blacked rim glassed. He also looked like he just came from, or was going to, an ugly sweater contest.

Someone should have told him, lime green is never a good look.

After we paid the bill, I got up to leave and said, “If he follows me when I leave, come outside.”

The asshole at the bar was easily twice my size, but not in the ‘I go to the gym everyday’ way, but more like ‘I go to the bar every night’ way

Once again, Mike said, “If he does, I’ll be right behind you.”

It wasn’t that I was afraid of him…

...it was just I wanted a witness in case anything happened – one way or another.

Welcome to retirement.

Photo by: Sean Benesh

[layzeal]

i am once again begging people to check out the mdzs audio drama, the way they make certain scenes incredibly emotional by the use of music and voice acting alone. oughh

example:

audio drama season 1 ep 9 covers the part where lwj tells wwx about the chang clan massacre, and three (3) tiny little moments happen here that don’t happen in the novel, but i found them incredibly good

the first one when talking about xiao xingchen, lwj mentions that he left the mountain 12 years ago. wei wuxian: “The second year after I died...” at that, LWJ stops abruptly, WWX thinks it’s because LWJ is upset he interrupted him. he asks him to continue, LWJ sighs and moves on

the second one is a bit later when LWJ mentions the yin tiger tally. wwx in surprise comments “When I was about to die--” but then cuts himself off feeling he shouldn’t say it, and only continues with just “I had previously destroyed half of it”

the third one comes as kind of a build-up from the injustice in xxc’s story and how wwx relates to it. there’s moody piano music that grows louder as wwx talks about how xxc was punished for trying to do the right thing and he didn’t even seem to want Chang Ping’’s gratitude. he’s still composed but you can hear in his voice he’s growing increasingly more upset until he says “Just like how originally, I...” and LWJ puts a hand on his arm/shoulder and calls his name, and they’re interrupted by the inkeeper knocking on the door, but you can tell the atmosphere got heavy

none of these are added scenes! they’re just tiny actions added to already existing scenes, but add this sorta... spark? again, this is early in the plot, but we get the notion that WWX’s death is somehow a sensitive topic to LWJ, and there is a sense to injustice in WWX’s past that both of them are aware of and makes things heavy when talking about XXC

and idk. i just love it. got me tearing up a little ngl

[kradogsrats]

raised to spouse the question of “wait, what the hell is Opeli High Cleric OF, exactly, in this setting that appears to be completely devoid of actual religion?” last night, causing us to rehash a discussion that apparently we had before and I somehow completely forgot (thanks ADHD?)

Opeli is very clearly designed to look religious, and she has this explicitly religious title in some official sources (Callum’s Spellbook, at least... I haven’t dug through the novelizations to see if it’s referenced there), but for a fantasy setting TDP is actually shockingly areligious. Where there would usually be gods of various elemental powers, instead there are the primal sources, regarded more as natural phenomena. (And also, through the arcana, instilling a bit of the divine in every Xadian, but that’s irrelevant.) The Archdragons, which could also be a focus of religious worship, are instead portrayed and regarded as essentially political beings. (Rayla acknowledges Sol Regem’s power and prestige, but also that he’s kind of a dick in a very non-reverent way.)

Opeli is also presented entirely as political--every official source description of her emphasizes her focus on law and her competence as an administrator. Not her spirituality. Not her religious morality. Those simply don’t exist. In fact, the rituals we see performed in Katolis are also pretty much devoid of any religious significance. Take Harrow’s funeral: there’s a prescribed set of rituals around the burial of a king, including a set amount of time that the body is expected to lie in state before interment. But Viren breaking those rules is a violation of propriety, not blasphemy. He has offended Opeli and the traditions of Katolis, but not god. And Harrow’s soul isn’t going to be trapped in the the mortal realm because his body was destroyed early, or anything. It’s just rude.

It’s all just legalistic ritual. Which aligns with Opeli’s character as described, sure, but the religious nature of her design still makes me itchy.

I’d like to do a deeper check for references to religion in canon through rewatch/reread, even just any errant “gods/god” light cursing, but until then the only thing I remember is in the Tales of Xadia sourcebook’s section on--get this--Startouch elves. It describes a poem held by the Royal Library of Evenere called “The Epic of the Void,” which pre-dates the fall of Elarion and is held in greatest secrecy and security:

Those hoping to study the poem must petition the High Mage of Evenere personally, but she is notoriously strict in allowing access to the work. Most hopeful readers are turned away without explanation (and often with a stern lecture on the sacred nature of Startouch scholarship), creating ever more mystery around this ambiguous poem.

(Emphasis added.)

A stanza of the poem is included:

Where do the fabled Great Ones hide? What secrets have you locked inside? From rising Sun to Moonlight’s grace I search the Sky for any trace Of Starfolk, fabled, fallen, found-- Once everywhere, now none around. Is all we are to know of thee Consumed by Dark, or cast to Sea? So bound to Earth, are we denied The touch of Stars? Have our Gods died? Where do the fabled Great Ones hide?

(Again, emphasis added.)

So a) nice tie-in with the recent Aaravos short Patience, but b) wasn’t Aaravos just casually standing around at the expulsion of humans from Xadia? Pretty sure that was after the fall of Elarion. So unless he’s like... the only Startouch elf who has ever manifested on Xadia, something’s weird. (Also, just for fun, c) note the inclusion of Dark among the references to the primals.)

So idk but what I’m getting here is that modern humans are largely areligious, but deep in the history of human culture there is the concept of a plural divinity associated with the stars that has, for some reason, not survived. This could be something shared in elven culture, but the inclusion of dark magic with the other primal sources in the poem implies a human author, and the same section in Tales of Xadia describes an elven children’s rhyme that references Startouch elves being gone(tm) but not really distinct from other elves. (Elves are more likely to have religion-adjacent rituals associated with their primals, imo. For example, the ostentatious purification ritual of the Sun elves.)

Anyway, to circle back to what started the discussion: Opeli’s role is almost definitely more of a “master of laws and rituals” one than a “spiritual guide” one, and also (the real reason I was thinking about this) the routine mild blasphemy used by humans for emphasis would likely be “gods,” or possibly some variant of “stars,” “stars above,” etc.

[theimprobabledreamersworld]

Hi Angel! For the prompt requests, 7 - "stop pushing everyone away!" With dukeceit please😊 hope you have fun with it💜💙💛💚

Hey Starlight! 💛

I'm so sorry this took so long, but I've finally finished this! I hope you like it! 💛For context, it takes place somewhere after DWIT and before SvS Redux

Warnings for: swearing and intense arguing

Writing taglist: @lost-in-thought-20 @the-duke-of-nuts @red-imeanblue @jwillowwolf (If you'd like to be added/removed)

Read on AO3!

I Won't Push You Away

“Remus, wait! We just wanted to-”

The door slammed and the harsh noise reverberated around the Mind Palace, bouncing off of every wall with malevolence. Why did they all suddenly give a shit about including him? They were repulsed by him the last time they all interacted, absolutely disgusted by his presence… and now they want him to participate in all their nice, sparkly bullshit! What would be the point? He wasn’t nice. He was everything that Thomas despised… why couldn’t they just leave him alone.

Remus stormed down the corridor into the room that he shared with Janus, as the door collided with the wall violently, he didn’t even notice Janus sitting in the chair shrouded by darkness. A classic novel in his hands and a look of disinterest plastered onto his features. Despite the fact that the aggressive action made him jolt up from the chair, he was good at disguising emotions that he didn’t want others to see. Remus collapsed onto the bed as Janus’ voice quietly rang out, tones of disappointment crackled through the air.

“Well… I can see you had a marvellous morning, huh darling?” As the words dragged out, Remus’ fists instinctively curled up causing them to shake at the pressure. He was feeling like a soda can, the rage was bubbling up again, threatening to do something incredibly reckless.

“Jan, I am not in the mood for this shit.” He covered his eyes with his arm, blocking out the light that was blazing down onto him. If he stayed here long enough, maybe everyone would just leave him alone. At the same time, he didn’t want to be alone… he knew he would self-destruct and destroy something if he was left to his own devices… so he decided he was going to do what he did best. Ruin. Everything.

“Remus… I’m quite concerned about you. All of this that you’ve been doing lately. You really need to stop.” The sadness shining through in Janus’ voice was enough to break Remus’ cold, black heart. It wasn’t enough though, the anger was consuming him, threatening to swallow him whole. It was agonising as he tried to take deep breaths and sat up on the bed. He chuckled bitterly as he stared at his hands trembling before glaring at Janus.

“Concerned? About me? There is nothing wrong with me.” He smirked maliciously before his whole body began to tremble. He pressed his hands up to his temples, trying to repress everything. His breaths became ragged and loud. His eyes were closed so tight, he thought he was going to damage something. He could hear Janus closing the book, and leaning forward on his chair. The worry was so prominent that it was almost festering like a poisonous smoke. The pressure was too much, the can was exploding.

“Remus…?”

“THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH ME, DO YOU UNDERSTAND?!” His words roared out, causing a deafening silence. “See? I am fine. In fact I have never been better. So just leave. me. alone.”

Even Janus looked shocked… genuinely shocked. Remus knew that he should apologise… but only toxic thoughts clouded his mind. He couldn’t even look Janus in the eye again… he had hurt everyone else, but the one person he promised he would never hurt, was Janus. ‘And look what you’ve done dipshit, you’ve hurt the only person you had left… Congrat-u-fucking-lations.’

“My God, Remus. You’ve worked yourself up… I don’t know what the others were trying to get you to do… but please, stop pushing people away!” Remus cocked his head to the side, the pressure was released, the rage continued to bubble away. He couldn’t calm down, and Janus, as much as he loved him, wasn’t helping right now.

“Ohhh! That’s a bit fucking rich coming from you, isn’t it, Snake?” Remus recoiled at the venom in his words once again. Janus recoiled too, he began lean back in the chair, creating as much space between the two of them.

“I don’t know what you mean.” Lie. Another fucking lie. Nothing but lies… even to him.

“Oh PLEASE spare me the dramatics! You’ve been sooo desperate to get away from me… You’ve been trying to blend yourself in quite nicely into their cosy little set-up. You still push them away with your deceit though. The gloves were a nice touch, talking in lies wasn’t enough huh?” Poisonous dart of hurtful words after poisonous dart was aimed at Janus, Remus could practically feel how each one was stabbing him sharply… infecting him. The silence was excruciating, and Janus began to tremble… for the first time, unsure of what to say or do.

“I-” Janus stopped himself before any more words came out. His eyes were filled to the brim with tears and the book fell to the floor with a loud thud as he threw his head into his hands. Remus’ eyes widened in shock at the sight… ‘Fuck. No, no, no! What the fuck have I done??.’ The pressure in his head disappeared immediately at the sight of the one he loved being broken. He slowly, very tentatively made his way over to Janus. He knew that he had wanted to ruin everything… but not this. Never this.

“Shit. Jan? I’m so sorry. I- I don’t know what came over me. God, I never meant those things! I wasn’t trying to push you away. Everything… i- in my head was too loud, and…” He couldn’t even finish his words as he saw Janus still shaking in front of him. Remus slowly reached out and placed his hand gently on Janus’ back, and his heart broke at the initial flinch. Soon though, Janus melted into the touch and let Remus hold him.

Remus couldn’t tell how much time had passed. He wiped away every tear on Janus’ cheeks, he whispered sorry more times than he could count and he held him as tight as he could until Janus eventually stopped shaking, he couldn’t help but feel relief when Janus finally hugged him back. His heart pounded at the realisation that despite everything he had just done, he still hadn’t pushed Janus away. If that had really happened, he knew it would crush him. Remus sighed and sank to the floor, he went to apologise one more time and took Janus’ hand before freezing.

The gloves weren’t there, Janus wasn’t wearing them.

He heard Janus laugh gently at the look of confusion and guilt on his face. He rubbed his thumb across the back of Janus’ hand, trying to stop himself from getting overwhelmed once again.

“You thought they were going to be there, didn’t you?” Janus asked genuinely, and Remus just nodded in response, he couldn’t trust himself to speak in this moment.

“I will never wear them when I’m with you, Darling. Youare the one person who knows me… all of me, and you still love me all the same. I’m never going to push you away. You have to believe that.” Janus gently put his fingers under Remus’ chin making him look into his eyes, and he watched as the sincerity danced in them. Remus smiled and squeezed his hand tightly, smiling wider when Janus squeezed back.

Remus stood up and pulled Janus up with him, causing them both to laugh as he then fell onto the bed. He patted the space next to him and let Janus curl up next to him, the poison had cleared and the air was clear once again. There was still one niggling thought that Remus couldn’t shake.

“Jan?” He asked softly, and Janus mumbled a sound of affirmation as a response.

“I still don’t understand… Why don’t you stop wearing them around the others? You could fit in so well if you didn’t.” Remus realised how confused he sounded, and Janus leant up on his arm so Remus could see his eyes, he took one of his hands and smiled.

“Because they’re not you.” He smiled at the words, and he held Janus as close as he could as they both slowly fell asleep.

Remus made a vow to himself, he was going to stop pushing people away now, and he was going to keep Janus closer than ever.

[baladric]

Writing questions: 1, 8, 35 please :D

yay, thank u!!!!!! :3

writing ask

1. What font do you write in? Do you actually care or is that just the default setting?

this is a fun question, bc honestly, i write in comic sans! i read a tweet at some point somewhere that was like "listen if you're having a hard time writing bc the words on the screen seem intimidating or you're taking things too seriously, write it in comic sans." bc it's like literally impossible to be wary of comic sans!! like it's become a joke font, yeah, but we kickstarted it bc it's so friendly! also it's good for dyslexia bc it's bottom heavy!

8. If you had to write an entire story without either action or dialogue, which would you choose and how would it go?

honestly if i'm not paying attention, i can end up writing entire things w/o dialogue just by accident. i really love writing heavy introspection-based character studies (which is... probably apparent ahaha), so would definitely choose to go dialogue-less if pressed. it'd probably go okay, though the piece would definitely be bite-sized.

35. What’s your favorite writing rule to smash into smithereens?

god, there are writing rules? lmaooo, i'm not really sure!! i have no actual ~*Training*~ and i'm sort of allergic to reading non-fiction so i haven't consumed much writing about writing. the one thing i can think of is that i willfully push back against the socialized idea that flowery/purple prose is 1) "Women's Writing" and 2) less worthy than straight-forward, grounded writing styles. think faulkner, hemingway, twain—your typical all american white male authors.

when "on earth we're briefly gorgeous" really gained its stride and people started discussing it as the newest addition to the canon of Great American Literature™, ocean vuong had a lot to say about this exact thing. bc not only is his book structured after kishōtenketsu (a four-beat plot structure that originated in chinese as four-line traditional poetry, and which has spread to korea and japan; you have almost certainly encountered its usage before, bc it's the narrative structure hayao miyazaki employs) instead of the western 7-beat narrative—it's also non-linear and reads almost like a prose-poem. to have a book written by a vietnamese-american immigrant considered part of the american lit canon is huge in itself, but adding to that the fact that the novel was written in a prose style that has been looked down on by literary critics for decades (which involves a really funny amount of shitting on nabokov honestly, like y'all could fuckin Never, the dude was writing in his third language and he still wrote wildly evocative shit like "I am just winking happy thoughts into a little tiddle cup") is like!! huge.

so idk, i like to think i'm sticking it to the man (and my dad whoops) by being a trans man writing in prose that's heavy on sensory figurative language. also i have been told by english teachers past that i use too many em dashes, and to this i say Suck It, Nancy Streblow ;)

[kiingocreative]

The Structure of Story is now available! Check it out on Amazon, via the link in our bio, or at https://kiingo.co/book

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Every author starting out will know how important reviews are. If you’re yet to be convinced, here are some fun facts about reviews*:

1. 88% of consumers trust reviews as much as personal recommendations.

2. 72% of consumers will take action after reading a positive review.

3. Positive reviews tell Amazon and Google you’re worth ranking and can boost search results for your book by feeding into SEO (reviews account for almost 10% of total search ranking factors).

So reviews aren’t just a nice to have — they’re critical to the success of a book.

Now, amongst the writers community, we talk a lot about receiving reviews, but less so about giving reviews. I enjoy writing book reviews immensely, because it makes me think about what I’m reading on a different level, and forces me to learn how to articulate that opinion. This is actually one of the main reasons why I got into professional BETA reading.

I was asked recently how I structure my book reviews (all of which can be found on my blog), so here you have it: all the secrets to how I go about writing book reviews, along with some concrete examples!

Start With Why.

The most important question to ask yourself before you even start writing a review is this:

Why do people read book reviews?

In essence, they want to know whether the book is good, what it’s about, and — more importantly — whether they should read it. They generally like some context and detail to back the review so that they feel it’s genuine and trustworthy.

If you can keep in mind what people generally want to get out of a book review, this will help you keep your review relevant and useful. It’ll help you figure out what’s worth including and what isn’t. If in doubt, ask yourself what you would want to read about in a review when you’re trying to decide whether or not to buy a book.

Some Key Questions.

Before you start writing, you also need to ponder a few things. It may not always feel natural to reflect on a book on this level of detail — it didn’t for me at first. I either liked a book, or I loved it, or I didn’t, but I rarely spent a lot of time critically thinking about why I did or didn’t like a read.

If you’re also finding this uncomfortable at first, I say stick with it. I found it extremely interesting to make myself think these things through. It’s made my writing so much better, because I’ve developed that objective evaluation muscle that activates even when I’m with my own work. It’s also made me much better at forming and formulating an opinion, which is something I didn’t use to be good at!

Here are some questions to start with before you start on your review:

• Did you like the book?

• What did you like about it?

• What didn’t you like about it?

• Are there any themes that were particularly well handled?

• Were there any characters you liked above others, and why?

• Would you recommend the book to a friend?

These few questions will start shaping your view of what you’ve read and provide the main elements of your review.

To take your critical reading to the next level, you may want to ponder the various elements of the story and the writing as a whole. Think about:

• The plot / storyline — is it strong? Consistent? Original? Enticing? Are there gaps?

• The characters and character arcs — are all characters well developed? Multi-layered? Do they make sense? Are they relatable?

• The key themes — what are some recurring topics through the story? Are they well handled?

• The pace and timeline — is the story progressing at a good pace? Where does it lag? Does the timeline make sense?

• The writing style — how was the writing style? Did it flow well? Did it feel unique or original?

• The dialogues — did they feel natural? Were they believable? Were they engaging? Did they add to the overall story?

• The editing — how was the editing? Were there any typos or formatting errors?

Example Review Outline

Once you’ve spent some time with those initial questions, you’ll find it gives you the best part of your review content. At first, you may want to note down your answers to each of these. With time, you may find you can process these in your mind faster than you did before, and you don’t need so many notes. Whichever way is right for you, once you have this, you’re ready to start structuring your review.

I tend to use the following outline (though, of course, this isn’t the one and only way to write a review!):

1. Star Rating:

It’s most common in this day and age to include a rating in your review. There are talks out there about not leaving a rating on a book, because these can be extremely subjective — someone’s three-star rating may mean they loved the book but for others it’s a negative rating, some people don’t leave five-star reviews out of principle etc.

If you’re reviewing the book on Amazon and Goodreads however, you don’t have a choice but to pick a rating out of five stars. Have a think about how that rating system relates to you. For instance: would you leave five star ratings? What rating do you use for a book you liked versus a book you absolutely loved? What kind of book would warrant a low-rating? etc.

2. Opening:

Start with a short overview of what you thought of the book. This should give the reader a concise view of what you thought of the book, in two or three sentences. The idea is that, if they read only this opening part of the review, they should know your view on the matter.

Here’s an example opening paragraph I wrote for Heart of a Runaway Girl by Trevor Wiltzen:

‘Heart of a Runaway Girl is a breath of fresh air. As far as crime and murder investigation novels go, I only ever read Agatha Christie, so my standard is high. But this book did not disappoint.’

3. Synopsis:

The next section of the review is a short summary of the book, which should give the main elements of the plot. I tend to keep that part really short because I find that, if anyone wants to know the specifics, the book blurb the author so diligently wrote for the back cover is a much better place to learn more about that. Yes, you need to give a sense of what the book’s about, but it shouldn’t be the bulk of the review.

I think this is a matter of personal preference, I’ve seen reviews out there with a much longer synopsis section, but I always find myself skipping those bits to get to the nitty gritty of the review, which is what the person thought. There again, go back to the why — people who read reviews do so to find out whether or not they want to buy a book, so the more valuable pieces to help with that (in my view) are your opinions, more than an in-depth summary which they can find elsewhere.

For instance, when I reviewed Counter Ops by Jessica Scurlock, the second opus in the Pretty Lies series, I kept the synopsis paragraph to:

‘In Counter Ops, we meet a familiar duo, Ivy and Nixon, as they face the aftermath of the Elite Auction, and each endure its painful consequences. We follow their journey as they try to escape their fate and attempt to come to each other’s rescue — in more ways than one.’

4. Highlights:

The next part is what I call the ‘highlights’. This is where you talk about what you liked most about the book, or what you thought the strongest parts of the book were. This can focus on one element of the book (a character, a part of the plot, a theme etc.) or cover multiple elements.

See, for example, the highlights I picked for my review of Age of the Almek by Tara Lake:

‘I loved the author's ability to give every character their own voice and a distinct perspective on the world around them. I loved how involved I became with every character's fate and woes. I loved the precision with which the Almek world has been created, with such minuteness you can picture it down to the finest details.

My favourite part is the portrayal of the many facets of human nature, be it through the reactions of the masses to the barbaric ways of their rulers or the individual views of the protagonists. In every Almek citizen is a piece of the great puzzle that is humanity at large, and the author has a gift for writing it as raw and real as it gets.’

5. Mitigate your view:

Right after the highlights is where you’d add anything that mitigates your view. That’s anything that wasn’t quite as strong as you’d want it to be, or anything you weren’t a fan of.

You can skip this part if there’s nothing you didn’t like about the book — you don’t have to go nitpicking if nothing comes to mind. And it doesn’t have to be a bashing of the author and their work either. Keep it constructive and explain why you felt that way. There’s never a need for insults or expletives, and these wouldn’t enhance the quality of your review anyways. Formulating constructive criticism takes practice, and requires tact and subtlety. It’s a valuable skill to have if you’re willing to invest time in honing it.

Here’s how I phrased that part of the review for Crazy Rich Asians by Kevin Kwan:

‘But - and there's a but - my qualm with this book is that, for a story that revolves entirely around Nick and Rachel... There's actually very little Nick and Rachel in it!

Yes it's all 'about' them and it talks 'of' them loads, and we're told theyare happy together and want to be together... But it's all 'tell' and no 'show'. Their intimacy is sorely lacking, so I was left missing that added colour to convince me that they, in fact, do love each other. And I'm not talking saucy passages — I 'm talking about basic things suchas them actually talking to each other and spending time together.’

6. Conclusion:

The final part of the review is a short paragraph with closing remarks, such as a short summary of your view on the book, whether or not you recommend it or some indication of what readers the book may be for (e.g. ‘if you liked… you may like this book’).

When I reviewed Collision by Kristen Granata, I ended the review with:

‘Readers used to intricate, far-fetched romance plots may find this book too straightforward for their liking. In my mind, this is what makes the book's key strength: it's real and honest, it takes the reader through difficult situations and complex emotions beautifully, and that makes it all the more relatable.

A great read overall - and the moment I finished the last page, I was on Amazon ordering the next book in the series!’

How long should a review be?

I don’t think there should be a minimum or maximum word count to a review, though I find that mine end up being around 300 to 500 words. I feel this is a good length because as a reviewer this forces me to be concise and clear in expressing my opinions, and as a reader it’s long enough to give people a sense of the book, but not too long that they’ll drop off before the end.

Final Thoughts: To spoil or not to spoil?

My view on adding spoilers in your review is simple: DON’T.

Try as I might, I can’t fathom what could be gained from adding spoilers to a review. Once again: back to the why. Someone reads a review to find out if they want to read the book themselves. If you ruin the plot for them in that review, what’s the incentive to pick up the book?

It just hurts the author’s chances of making a book sale, and it robs a fellow reader of the joyful rollercoaster of finding out those plot twists at their own pace. Don’t do it, it’s just rude.

*Sources:

www.bookmarketingtools.com

www.searchenginewatch.com

www.dealeron.com

[spectrumed]

8. book

I decided to start writing a book. A novel, it’s going to be fiction. It’s a big project. I dread big projects. I don’t feel as if I am ever able to complete them. It’s going to be left unfinished, why do I even bother? So many projects that I’ve started and never finished. I get an idea, then I can’t make myself do the actual work to make it a reality. Why do I think I can write a book when I can barely read books without becoming distracted and doing something else instead? I give up too easily. But, then again, do I really have it in me to produce something that is good? That people would want to read? Insecurity creeps in, telling me that I will fail. I fear failure. Of course I do, who doesn’t? Whenever people say that their greatest fear is failure, all I wonder is who out there is not afraid of failure? Is there someone out there with so much confidence that they absolutely do not in any way fear failure? Even narcissists technically fear failure, it is what leads them to such ridiculous overcompensation, putting on the facade of bravado to mask their actual dire sense of insecurity. Do not fall for the scams, no person is truly without self-doubt. (Well, I guess maybe psychopaths, but there’s a whole lot of things amiss with them.)

Ever since I was a kid, I’ve entertained myself by coming up with stories, fictional universes that I would populate with characters of my own invention. When I was a kid, what I really wanted was to become a comic book writer and artist. Well, in between other gigs I imagined would suit me, including at one point wanting to be a “singing farmer,” as I put it. Still, I’ve always returned to fiction and storytelling. There’s something about creating a world that lets you so fully distract yourself from all the stressful daily hullabaloo that goes on around you. Escapism, it’s fun, it’s therapeutic, I think. There’s a reason why humans have been telling each other stories for millennia, since even before we lived in houses. Back when we were all huddled around the fire, wearing our best comfortable animal furs, sharing tales of the hunt. Your uncle who once took part in killing a mammoth, the impressive beast nearly gorging him with its big tusks. How clever he was when he noticed that the mammoth had one leg weaker than the others, and used that to his advantage. How the entire hunting party banded together to bring the behemoth down, getting all that meat to feed their families with for months! Stories make you feel good. Like as if you have something to celebrate, even when you might be starving due to the more recent hunts not having gone as well. Damn that saber-tooth tiger that killed your uncle…

Storytelling is linked to acting. Both with acting and with storytelling you have to commit. Whatever you are doing, whatever role you are performing, you have to sell it. You may be on stage talking about that time you went scuba diving with your future wife, and how you encountered an oyster with the most magnificent pearl inside, and how you made a ring for the pearl and used it when you proposed to her. You have to sell it. You have to get the audience laughing, gasping, crying, going “aww,” feeling as if they were there with you that day. Of course, they don’t know it is all just lies. You made it up. It’s all fiction. But you committed, so they won’t ever know. Storytelling is a gift to others, people will appreciate you if you tell good stories, but you’re also kinda deviant. Even if it’s technically based on a true story, you’ve certainly added your embellishments. You’re a trickster, a devious individual. No wonder actors have historically been seen as dubious folks. They come into town, romances all the young women and men, telling them big tales of their lives on the road, and they can’t possibly know if you are telling the truth or not. You may just be lying. You probably are lying. Let’s be honest, you’ve probably not told a single true thing in your life.

I am bad at the hustle. No, I can talk quite well, and I can keep people’s attention for a long while. But I can’t be a huckster. Going out there, putting myself on the line hoping people will swallow my bullshit. I can’t really avoid speaking from my heart when I do speak. Or when I write, as I happen to be doing now. This blog has so far been thoroughly candid in places, in such a way I may come across like I’m at a confessional. Not that I have much evil to confess, but I can’t help but be transparent. I can’t flip into different kinds of personalities, each with its own schemes and plots, being some master manipulator, someone who you can never figure out what they're truly up to, or what they truly want. No, what I am is clearly written on my face. I’ve got one self, and it is the one before you. He’s hairy, and tall, and a bit of a dork. I am happy to talk to you, to engage with you, but I won’t be anyone but myself. I am me. I hope that’ll do.

Of course you are familiar with all those pick-up artists that plagues the internet. Or well, not just the internet. Go into any old-fashioned bookstore (where they store books on paper, not in digital code,) and you are bound to find some sleazy book written by a sleazy guy about how to sleazily seduce women. Those books don’t want you acting like me. According to them, seduction is all about manipulation. To figure out the very right thing to say to get women to fawn all over you. They don’t want you to be sincere, telling the truth as you see it. Nah, you gotta keep that stuff bottled up, deep down inside your soul, because most likely, your true self is ugly. It’s interesting how you can get little details from these pick-up artists depending on the sort of things they say, the tips they provide. The fact that all of them seem to harbour this festering misogyny is no big surprise, but every so often, you get these little glimpses of these people’s true worldview, one where power is everything, true love is a fallacy, and happiness is a lie manufactured by Hollywood to make us all into docile consumers. No wonder the “red-pill” so often leads to people taking the “black-pill.” First hucksters will lure you in, telling you that they’ve got the secret as to how to be a success, then when they’ve got you isolated, they reveal to you how truly misanthropic and bleak their actual beliefs are.

I am fascinated with cults, for much of the same reason why I am fascinated with storytelling. What is a cult leader if not just a great storyteller? They’re something like the modern day shaman, capable of spellbinding people with their weird idiosyncratic way of speaking. High-functioning people with autism are often said to have an idiosyncratic way of speaking. No, I am not suggesting that cult leaders are all somewhere on the spectrum, though it wouldn’t surprise me if some famous cult leaders did turn out to have been on the spectrum. However, for an autistic person to become a cult leader, I think they would have to be a true believer, and not some fraud just looking to scam others. Ultimately, no autistic person would want to surround themselves with people unless they truly do believe it is essential, to like, save mankind from damnation or something. It’s the difference between sincerity and insincerity. It is difficult for autistic people to be insincere, as insincerity requires a lot of social skills that autistic people struggle with. Having to juggle all these balls in the air, making sure you keep the big lie going, that you remember to change your behaviour depending on who you are speaking to in order to keep them from figuring out that you’re a bullshitter. Hollow people are great at being insincere. People like L. Ron Hubbard, the founder of the highly profitable cult that is Scientology, was at his core a hollow individual. He had no problems twisting the minds of the people around him, because he never felt a need to be sincere. If an autistic person were to become a cult leader, I can guarantee you that it wouldn’t be a profitable cult. Nah, autistic people aren’t in it for the money, we’re all about keeping it real.

Being a sincere person, surely I should be able to write a novel and make it feel earnest. Like it was delivered with passion, because I wouldn’t be able to write anything that wasn’t true to myself. Well, I do hope so. Having something I’ve made be referred to as genuine is something I see as a great compliment. I’m a student of art history, I’ve made some “serious” art before, I know how terrible art can be when it is not delivered with good faith. Sure, some art is cynical, or ironic, but even then, it tends to come from a real place. Good artists, even when they’re fully armed with the dada mindset, must believe in what they are doing. Whether they are doing it for a laugh or not, that’s irrelevant. Even if all you wish is to be silly and make something that is comical, you have to believe in what you are creating. Or else people won’t bother engaging with it. Why look at a painting by someone who is just interested in making money? Insincere artists do exist, and they can end up becoming quite successful, but ultimately, history won’t be kind to them. Damien Hirst comes to mind, heard he's into NFTs now.

Sure, I don’t like insincere people. Does that make me a bigot? Like, it’s not as if they can help themselves. It’s just who they are, spineless maggots with no soul. It doesn’t mean we have to hate them. No, no, no... I am just generalising. Don’t go thinking there’s just two kinds of people in the world, the sincere and the insincere. It’s not a binary. Most people are both, just like with introverts and extroverts, humans are complex. But there are definitely those that decide to feed into their insincere side, realising that it is often the key to success. Through insincerity, you learn to let go of self-doubt, you stop worrying so much about what others think of you, because you are never truly yourself. If they hate you, then so what? They don’t actually hate you, they just hate a role that you are playing. So what if you seduced that woman, made her feel as if you were the perfect match, then you ghosted her and completely forgot about her? It’s her fault for falling for your tricks. You were clearly just playing the game, being a super-seducer, she should have known better. By embracing insincerity, it’s like gaining a superpower. No longer do you have to care about the impact you have on others, no longer do you have to worry about what it means to be a social human being making choices that affect the others around you. Because you’re not the person they think you are. Actually, you’re not quite sure you’re the person you think you are… Who are you?

I’ve got the plot all laid out in my head for the novel. It’s going to be based in the fantasy world that I’ve been working on for the last few years. I’ve been working on this world for almost half a decade now, come to think of it. Why do I keep feeling as if I am never able to keep to a project, when I’ve clearly been working on a massive project all this time? Sure, it’s all just in my head, but it’s not as if most people have the kind of patience to keep going back to a single big project, even if it is just in their head. Not once, while thinking about my fantasy world have I been distracted and started thinking about cute puppies, instead. And you know how difficult that is. Maybe I am too hard on myself. Maybe I will finish this book, and maybe people will want to read it. Maybe it will even get a minimal number of angry reviews, like, I may get a book published without some folks trying to harass me into committing suicide for daring to think I can write. Some people may even be enthusiastic, blowing up my ego with great praise. Maybe someone will come along and tell me that they want to buy the rights to make my book into a movie or a television series. Maybe I will get rich? Maybe I will get famous! Woo! Success here I come!

Well, no, here I go being insincere. That’s not what it’s about. I should be writing this book because I want to write it. Because I want to prove to myself that I am able to write it. Sure, it’s not as if there’s not a little brain goblin inside my mind whispering sweet nothings about how one day I might turn out a real respected author. One with real fans that gets to do big book tours talking about how brilliant I am, how brilliant my work is, and how brilliant things are going for me. I am not going to pretend I don’t have the same aspirations for success that others have. Inside of me you will find the same greedy piglet of an ego hungry for more adoration and more validation that you will find in any person. Humans don’t know when to quit, we always want more. But I am at least safe knowing that I will never debase myself, descending to the same depths as those inhabited by soulless grifters who go through life abusing the trust of others in order to get by. I’m sincere, in the end. I always turn out sincere, in the end. I am a good boy.

And I am also really sexy. I don’t think I’ve mentioned this before on this blog, but I am really, REALLY, sexy. Like, you wouldn’t believe it. Oh, I am so hot. And if you follow and subscribe and hit that bell, I will teach you how you can be just as sexy as I am! And buy my book! And my merch! And my new single! And of course, my new cryptocurrency, by the name of “autism-coin.” It’s going to be a real success on 4chan, let me tell ya!

[aspenflower17]

Finding You (Part 16 of ??)

Hello metal husband and readers! Welcome to another update to Finding You! What’s on tap today you ask? Well, just keep reading and find out! New here and don’t want to spoil the story? Just hop on over to Part One through this link, and you can read through!

Word Count: 3,558

Tags for the Tagged: @simpingforsatan @naimena @hachimochi @wrathandgreed @magi-minminxiii @rensphilia @a-dream-at-night @chloelikesobeyme @getbehindme-satan @theuglypugling @oofthelazyweeb @solomonismyman (If you want to be added to my tags list, just say the word down below in a comment or a message, and I will get you added to the list :D)

Trigger warnings: One character’s a total douche, talk of war and death

Mc twirled the pencil she had been sketching with debating if she should ask the question she had been thinking about. Her and Michael were the only ones in the room and no one would be coming in for quite awhile. This was probably the best time she’d get to ask, "Hey, Michael. Can I ask you a question?"

He looked up from his book, "Yes? What is it?"

"Well, I was reading a book the other day, and I came across something odd. It… it was about the Avatar's Fall," Mc couldn't look at Michael, so she just continued, "Eyewitness accounts say there were eight angels that fell that day. So, I was wondering: Was there an eighth angel who fell that day?"

The silence was heavy, threatening to crush Mc. After a long moment, Michael's voice sounded lowly, "And just why were you reading about something like that?"

"Meeting them in person got me curious."

"And you would believe an eyewitness account over the teachings of the Celestial Realm?"

"Well, not necessarily. I just was curious since I'd never heard of there being another angel who Fell."

There was silence, and Mc still couldn't make herself look over, "I suppose just because some of them have paid attention to you makes you think you know all about demons.”

“No, it’s not that.”

“Then what is it then? If you haven’t forgotten, demons will lie about anything. Sinning comes naturally to them. In fact, the seven you keep coming into contact with are the embodiment of some of the most damaging sins. The lower demons are even worse.”

“I just want the most information possible. If there was another angel who fell that day, shouldn’t we tell everyone?”

“You forget your place, Mc. You may have luxuries other angels do not possess, but that does not raise your station.  Questioning Father’s teachings. To believe something a demon wrote about another demon-"

"I'm not really questioning. I was just confused because-"

"And now you interrupt me? Just who do you think you are? I am an archangel, and the only reason you've been allowed down here. You are a simple angel that we have allowed to express her talents throughout the three realms. Do not make me wonder if it was the right decision."

Mc flinched at the door closing. Though he hadn't slammed it, nor had he raised his voice, she had felt the waves of displeasure rolling off of him. The threat about sending her back to the Celestial Realm had her really nervous. Before she was aware of what she was doing, the message had been sent.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“I could’ve come to the castle.”

“Hmmm… I don’t think that would be for the best right now.”

Satan cocked his head, “Did something happen?”

“Kind of. Anyway, thanks for meeting me here.”

“Of course. Is there anything in particular you’d like to do?”

“Well, I kinda thought, since I have an invitation and all, that you could show me around the House of Lamentation.”

“I… I mean, if you want to. I’m warning you now, it’s almost never calm there. My brothers are… a handful.”

“Sounds great!”

Satan looked over in shock, “Seriously?”

Mc nodded her head, “I grew up with calm. I want some excitement.”

“Well, be careful what you wish for.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~`

“GIVE ME BACK MY LIMITED DIAMOND EDITION SUCREY FRENZY SIGNED POSTER MAMMON! YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHAT IT’S WORTH!”

“Course I know what it’s worth! Why’d ya think I took it in the firs’ place?”

“SO YOU DID TAKE IT!!!”

“Oh. Whoops! Forget I said anythin’.”

“MAMMON!”

A blur of demon shot past Mc and Satan. All Mc could make out was white and brown, before Leviathan went past, considerably slower than Mammon, but still fast for a demon. At least, Mc thought it might be Leviathan. The shy purple haired demon was now in all black, with black horns and a snake-like tail. He also looked like he was going to rip apart his brother.

Satan sighed, continuing forward, hands in his pockets, “Welcome to the House of Lamentation.”

“Shouldn’t we do something?”

“Hmm? Oh, about them? I wouldn’t worry about it.”

“Ah. I see…”

“We should probably get you out of the immediate vicinity though. There’s no telling what those two idiots might do.”

“Where should we go then?”

“Hmmm… Well, since we’re close, I guess we could start with the kitchen.”

“Sounds good to me!”

As they walked, Mc looked around her. Though the decorations were both a tad macabre and extremely grand, she found herself… comfortable. The candle light cast everything in an almost cheery glow, and the atmosphere, while a little daunting, made her feel like she was…

“... Home.”

Satan stopped dead in his tracks, and turned slowly towards her, “W-wait… Hwat did you say?”

“Oh, did I say that outloud? Sorry. That probably sounded really weird,” when Satan didn’t answer, Mc continued a bit awkwardly, “It’s just… This is the most comfortable I’ve been in a brand new place in a long time. I thought maybe my attraction to the Devildom was just because of how novel it all is to an angel. But… Being in this house, it just makes everything feel more like… Home,” Mc looked up to see Satan looking at her with a very tender but sad look, “Is everything alright?”

“Yeah. Let’s keep going.”

When they got to the kitchen, Belphegor and Beelzebub were there, former hiding his head in his arms and the latter consuming a concerning amount of food in a very short time. He stopped when Satan and Mc entered the room.

“Burfy! Wrok hus herr!”

“Hmmm? What? Who is it?”

“Ots Emm Fee!”

Belphegor lifted his head tiredly, but smiled when he saw Satan and Mc, “So, you took us up on the invitation?”

“Yup. Satan’s showing me around.”

“Do you guys want some food?” Beelzebub asked, mouth cleared for a second.

“Well, I-"

"Here. You can have this," Beel said, grabbing her hand and dropping what looked to be a kind of sweet bun in it. He gazed at it for a second then looked at her and grinned before walking back to his food pile. 

"You should eat it," Satan said quietly, " He doesn't share his food with just anybody."

"Oh. Okay," Mc said, looking at the sweet. She took a small bite and then her eyes grew wide before eating the whole thing.

"Thought you'd like it," the Avatar of Gluttony smiled.

"It was absolutely delicious! What was it?"

"An orange roll. It's a human word treat."

"I'm going to have to have Luke make it later."

"Did he come with you?" Beel's eyes were shining. 

"Ummm… Not this time."

"Oh."

"I'll make sure to let him know next time I'm coming."

"Please do," Beel said, smiling again. 

"Well, I'm going to continue our tour if that's alright."

"Yes, please do," Mc smiled, turning back to him.

"Have fun you two," Belphie said, dropping his head back onto his arm.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Mc and Satan progressed through the house. The feeling of familiarity just kept growing as they went. There was a room off the kitchen that Mc felt very drawn to. Satan said it was just an unused bedroom, nothing of note, but it did nothing to curb her interest. In fact, it made her want to see what was inside even more.

When they got to the library, they had to stop because Mc was so excited. No matter how many library’s she saw, personal or otherwise, they never failed to excite her. The fact it was the personal library of the Fallen was not lost on her.

“Do you want to stop here for a bit?” Satan chuckled.

Mc turned to him with wide eyes, “Can we?”

“Of course. Spending time with books is always time well spent. Anything in particular you’d like to look for?”

“Ummm… Do you just want to give me a tour?”

“Of the library?... Hmm… I suppose I could do that. Lucifer does like it organized a certain way. And, of course, if there’s a book that catches your eye, all you have to do is say the word and we can stop to read.”

“Oh, that’s what you’re really after,” Mc teased.

“Well, can you blame me? Reading with someone in companionable silence is one of life’s greatest joys.”

“Well, I suppose it is nice to just sit and read with Sim, though he’s probably the only one I’ve read with.”

“Really?”

“Yeah. Most other angels don’t just sit and read very often. Unless it’s scripture.”

“Sounds about right,” Satan said, rolling his eyes and starting to climb the stairs that lead to the second story of the library.

The “certain way” Lucifer liked the books to be organized was by genre, then alphabetically by author.If an author had multiple books, they were to be then sorted alphabetically by title, any series sorted by the first book’s title then in order. Many of the books were old though in impeccable condition. Mc was impressed by the breadth of selection available, and she could sense some spacial magic at work which housed more books than what was visible to the naked eye. While browsing, Mc found a book that looked interesting, and carried it until the tour was over. Satan happened to have a book in a hidden pocket in his jacket so they decided to sit and read awhile. Instead of the ground floor, Satan knew of a little nook on the second story which had a cushioned window seat and two plush reading chairs, so they went and sat there.

Though the story was interesting, she just couldn’t get into the book she’d grabbed. Her mind kept wandering back to her earlier conversation with Michael. She didn’t know how she could have brought up the subject in a way where he wouldn’t have gotten so upset with her. He’d reprimanded her before, but never had he been so dismissive and final about it.

“Are you alright?” Satan’s voice cut through her thoughts. She looked over to see him watching her.

She suddenly felt embarrassed, and averted her eyes, “It’s… Well, I got reprimanded by Michael.”

“Why?���

So Mc told him about her search for information, how Barbatos had told her to ask Michael and his rebuke. When she finished, Satan’s face was impossible to read. He was silent for long enough, she was concerned she had offended him somehow. Finally he spoke, “Lilith. Her name was Lilith. If you want some answers about what happened, I think Lucifer would be the best person to give them to you. I would suggest Beel, but he has enough trauma about what happened as it is. I don’t even know if he remembers, or if he’s blocked it…”

“Blocked what?”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~`

Satan knocked on a bookshelf on the ground floor. A deep voice sounded from behind it, “Enter.” At the word, the bookshelf sung open to reveal a secret room. Despite wondering what was going on, Mc was both delighted and intrigued.

“You guys actually have a secret room behind a bookcase?!”

Satan shrugged, “Yeah. The house has a lot more secrets too. It would’ve been my room had I not lost a bet with Lucifer. Now it’s his office,” and with that, he walked in.

The whole room was a lot cozier than Mc would’ve expected. Austere and imposing yes, but there was a level of warmth and comfort to the room Mc would never have expected.

“Satan, what is it?” Lucifer sat at his desk, quill scratching across some paperwork. He hadn’t looked up.

“Mc has a question for you.”

This got him to look up, “Ah Mc. How can I help you?”

“Oh, if I’m interrupting something I can come back later.”

“I could use a break anyway. Please continue,” Lucifer sat there expectantly.

“Okay. Umm…” the memory of Michael flashed through Mc’s mind, and she winced a bit, but continued on with her story. Lucifer’s eyes darkened the further into the story she got. When she got to Michael’s chastisement, Lucifer got up from his chair abruptly, and went over to his window, back to Satan and Mc. Mc faltered in her story, watching as his clothes changed, horns pushing up and out from his head.

“I told her you’d be the one to ask,” Satan intervened, coming to stand behind Mc.

“Why? You know everything. You were there,” Lucifer asked, back still turned.

“You know the whole story,” Satan shrugged, eyes on the black clad figure.

Lucifer was silent and unmoving for quite awhile. Mc’s tension was on high alert for quite awhile, not seeing the horns retreating, until he finally spoke, “Before I begin, I feel I must warn you. You are going to hear things you probably won’t like or agree with. You are not to interrupt me. There will be a chance for me to answer your questions at the end, but only at the end. I will not explain my actions. The only person I answer to is Lord Diavolo. Whether you believe them correct or not, I am not embellishing the truth nor am I trying to hide from it. Knowing all of that, do you want me to continue?”

“... Yes. I would like to know the truth,” Mc answered confidently, though the fact he was still angry put her on edge. She knew he wasn’t angry at her at least.

The eldest, having calmed down enough to revert out of his demon form, came over and sat behind his desk. Satan came and sat next to her, earning a look from Lucifer, “You’re going to stay?”

“She is my guest.”

Lucifer raised his eyebrows, but said nothing, turning his attention back to Mc, “Have you heard about the Great Celestial War?” Mc nodded, and he continued, “No doubt you’ve heard their version of what happened. Probably talks about me and my brothers rampaging around the Celestial Realm until they finally cast us out?” Lucifer looked to her for confirmation.

“More or less,” Mc conceded.

“I am sure they make me out to be a villain in every way?”

“They say before you became angry, you were the model angel.”

“That is… interesting to know. Thank you for that. Now, where to begin?... Do you know anything about our sister?” Mc shook her head no, and Lucifer sighed angrily, “To think they just… Lilith came into my little makeshift family with Beel and Belphie. They were almost triplets in a sense of the word. Beel was the sun, Belphie the moon and Lilith the stars, though I would argue she shined the most brightly out of them. She was... angelic. They should really point to her as the model angel. She was everything an angel should and could be. Though they were all very close, once Beel made himself my bodyguard, Belphie and Lilith spent a lot of time together. Belphie had a habit of going off the the human realm whenever he could, which was not seen as a good thing, though he knew how to keep himself unattached to the humans he happened to meet, so no one could really do much more than grumble. That is, until Lilith started going down him.

Her heart was so pure and full of love, she ended up falling in love with one of the humans she met. Belphie tried to talk her out of it, but it was no use. When the rumors started, I asked both of them what was going on. From what they both said, it was love at first sight. Though I was furious, I went down myself to meet the man in question, and found myself unable to criticize her. He was everything I could have wanted for my sister. 

Unfortunately, he was mortal and he came down with a serious illness. Lilith was devastated. We all tried to tell her this was a good thing. He was a good enough person he would probably join us in the Celestial Realm. I even spoke with my father and got permission for her to lead him to the Celestial Realm when he passed. She wouldn’t listen however. He had told her all about his dreams for the future and she couldn’t let his life end. SO she concocted a plan. I wish she would’ve told me about it earlier, but I only found out about it after the deed had been done. She took a Tarel fruit and fed it to him,” Mc gasped despite herself. That fruit was precious. Michael himself wasn’t allowed any unless Father approved of it. Lucifer didn’t even acknowledge the outburst, “He recovered, obviously, but the damage was irreversible. As punishment for her sins, my father decided she would be put on trial, though we all knew the outcome, “ as did Mc. Either death or complete exile. They were essentially one-and-the-same.

“I had… many issues with the Celestial Realm and how it was run. How it probably still is. I was able to put those all aside however for the sake of my family and my position. This however,” and Mc could see the rage that still filled his eyes, “I could never forgive. Not if it meant the death of our dear baby sister. All my brothers felt the same way, especially Beel and Belphie. We all decided we were going to do something about it. Despite what anyone might say, I did try to go the “correct way” in the beginning. Supplications to my father. Speaking to others that might listen. I think we even tried a petition at one point. Very few would listen. I think there was a level of envy from most of the other angels. They saw in Lilith all their shortcomings, and so they had latched onto the one “bad” thing anyone could ever remember her doing.

“Tensions came to a head one day when I told my father and Michael I would do everything in my power to keep Lilith safe. Michael then looked me dead in the eyes and told me my sister was going to be punished, even if he had to do it himself. I left that meeting trembling with rage, and that’s when I knew I would wage war against anyone who tried to hurt my family, even if that meant fighting my father myself. I flew into the sky that day and sent my declaration of war over the entire Celestial Realm.

“Some came to our aid, but most sat on the opposing side. The war was long and bloody. Many that had flocked to our aid perished, low ranked angels who didn’t stand a chance against the likes of Michael and his bow. On what would come to be known as the last day of the war, we had so few left, my precious family had to be put near the front of the battle. Everything was going fine, and we were actually winning when I saw Michael emerge from the enemy forces. He had spotted Lilith, standing with Beel and Belphie, and I could see his intentions before anyone else. I tried my hardest to reach the three youngest, but a large crowd of angels came to attack me. Whether it was his plan all along to keep me tied up with so many, I don’t know. All I do know is that by the time I had fought off all my attackers it was too late. He had strung three arrows pointing them at my family. They all knew it was coming too, and I watched the panic set in to all three of them, with Beel in the middle. He chose to save Belphie. Lilith went down with an arrow to the wing, which was then followed by three more arrows shot by others, one to her other wing, one to the stomach, and then one to the chest. She looked over to me as she started falling and I…” Lucifer’s voice broke and he had to take a second to compose himself, “Well, let’s just say I will never forget it. After the shock had worn off, I flew after her as she fell. I tried to shoot down as fast as I could hoping to grab her, but it was no use. She crashed into the Devildom, wings singed body broken.

“I didn’t tell anyone about that day for a long time. Eventually I did tell Barbatos and Lord Diavolo who Lilith’s murderer was, which is why Barbatos knew who to send you to for answers. The fact Michael wouldn’t come clean about the whole thing, and that they’ve essentially erased her from history… It makes my blood boil. To see Diavolo acting so chummy with my sister’s murderer…” Mc could see, through the film of tears blocking her vision, Lucifer’s horns starting to emerge again.

Without thinking, she crossed over to him and hugged him, openly weeping. The thought was appalling. Whenever people spoke about the Great Celestial War, they always spoke of Michael’s brilliant  tactical genius. They spoke of how he’d helped crush the rebellion, though they had never gone into detail. She now knew why. Lucifer was taken aback for a second by the behavior, but eventually hugged her back.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

So, yeah. That happened.

Likes, shares and comments all vm appreciated. 

If y’all got the reference in the beginning, I applaud you and offer the chance to quote her magnificence in the comments or you could send me asks and I will reply with another quote (please take me up on this!)

Part Seventeen

[lizziestudieshistory]

Let's have a chat about books, reading, and the impact of places like booktube, book twitter, and the dreaded goodreads! I've been mulling on this post for a while and I wasn't sure if I was going to write it. But as this blog is mainly a space for me to work out some feelings, I'm doing it for myself. So sorry for rambling, lack of proofreading, and the ridiculous amount of punctuation, especially parentheses. Feel free to keep scrolling and ignore me!

If you've interacted with me (in real life or online) for longer than about 5 seconds you'll know I like books... In fact "like" is a bit of an understatement... It's one of my defining character traits and has been since I learnt to read. I'm that person who, takes books to the pub and regularly falls over things because they're attempting to walk and read (and have done many times to the great amusement of my so called "friends"!) Yet, recently I've been feeling a bit...odd about my reading, like I'm not good enough to be a proper reader and, after some introspection and weird conversations with my bookish friends, I've pinpointed why. (Hint: it's bookish social media!)

When lockdown started my reading skyrocketed. At the time I was employed as a library assistant and was put on furlough while the library was closed, so I had more time than ever to read and the inclination to do it because I was bored. This led me to reading almost a third more than I usually do in a year, in some months I doubled it reading from 4-6 books a month to 10-13!

In some ways this was great, I was reading more than ever; in others it wasn't because, to be frank, I don't remember a lot of those books well. I can tell you plot and main characters but themes, feelings, my thoughts on them? Not much, for some nothing at all. In terms of quality it was a mediocre year - I actually struggled to find a top 5 list of books because I couldn't remember them and didn't think the quality was worth the praise. I did read some new favourites: Wuthering Heights, Emma, Beren and Lúthien are really the only stand out books, and maybe Rhythm of War for the sheer excitement.

However, 2020 set a precedent for me. I know I can read just under 100 books a year when I usually average 55-60. Rationally, I know 60 books is a lot when I'm a part time student, carer, and tiny business owner! Most days I only get an hour or two to properly sit down read before bed, once I'm finished with all my other responsibilities. But the possibility is still there, and it's starting to eat away at me as I've returned to my very reasonable 4-6 books a month now I'm busy again.

I've ALWAYS been happy with how much I read. But this year I'm not, and it's to do with the simultaneous reading boost and proper discovery of bookish social media. Lockdown gave me the free time to doss about on my phone (my phone and I are the best example of "frienemies" you could imagine!) In that time I found book twitter properly and, actually started watching booktube. I knew both existed but working, studying, and so forth didn't give me the breathing room to properly participate. It made me conscious of HOW MUCH some people read in a year, the boggling numbers and stats some people have around their reading lives. Don't get me wrong, I love a spreadsheet. I've had a spreadsheet for reading since I had to demonstrate my excel skills in Year 9 for a test and created one to track my reading. (I was a nerd, I know...) Point being I like stats, I like reading, both together are great - in moderation.

However, the inbuilt assumptions, expectations, and consumerism around booktube, bookstagram, goodreads, etc. are really unhealthy! It makes reading competitive and a social performance. For some people this works, it works for me to SOME extent. As I've said, I like reading stats and I've kept my own independently of bookish social media since I was 14 (cue feeling old...!) Yet the obsession with how many books you read in a month, is it more than X, am I reading the "right" books and most popular books is insane. And no, no one is doing this explicitly. But the implication is there and there IS a subtext with this unspoken competitiveness. It's not good for me and it's made me, for the first time in my life, feel guilt over what I'm reading or not reading?!

This month (April) has been particularly rough. I've had deadlines and a busy work month which means I've finished three books and a play, and I'm half way through two others. Two years ago I'd have been fine with that, but now I feel like it's not good enough? Why? Because I'm disappointed because I've not read more...

To add insult to imagined, self-inflicted injury, this has been my best month of the year in terms of quality and enjoyment. I've read some cracking novels, an eye opening non-fiction, and had the most wonderful time rereading and annotating Emma. Emma is my favourite novel! I've been wanting to slowly reread it and annotate the story for months! The extent of annotation I wanted to do, not to mention research, means I can't read it fast! Yet I'm annoyed at myself because I've been reading Emma exclusively for 16 days without finishing a book (the fact I know this is...alarming!) I've had the best time, it's been fun, enlightening, and an escape from my fairly boring life. But I'm still frustrated with myself?

So, what does this really mean?

Firstly, I do need to address, privately, my own insecurities and weird relationship with social media when it comes to books. This is a new thing, or a new awareness of it, but it does need some self reflection and rebalancing of my personal priorities.

Secondly, I'm going to avoid bookish social media. Well, mostly. Nothing is changing on here! I'll still be talking about my reading, chatting with people about their own books, and so forth. But I'm abandoning goodreads, book twitter, and booktube. I don't have instagram or tiktok so I can spare myself that palaver at least!

I'm also, for the first time in 8/9 years, going to leave behind my spreadsheet for a bit. I may come back to it because I love looking at my original clunky spreadsheet, how it's improved, and my changing reading tastes (not to mention the alarming number of times I've reread some books, it's honestly a bit embarrassing.) It's got sentimental value! But I need some space to not think about numbers for a bit.

This means I'll mainly be tracking my reading in my journal and returning to the important parts of reading. The books themselves. And my relationship with them: what do I actually think about the media I'm consuming? Am I enjoying myself? Did I take something away from this book? Not just adding them to a list to say "look at how many books I've read!" No one cares, not even me!

Basically, I want to reclaim the love of reading places like twitter and youtube sucked out of me. If you love these places then great! I'm genuinely happy for you, but my personality, mixed with pressures on my time means they're not a healthy place for me.

Anyway, back to Emma because I'm on holiday, it's the ball at The Crown, and I'm in love with Emma and Mr Knightley!

[cmtuckerly]

Books vs. Movies

I’m a major cinephile. But for the first time in 6 years, I’ve finally started reading for fun again. I’ve read 10 books in 3 weeks, and so I’ve been reflecting on how my reading experience as an adult compares to that of when I was a teenager

1. I don’t know if it’s just me, or if it’s a widely known phenomenon, but I noticed that since I started reading again, I dream more vividly. I have more complex, layered, and bizarre dreams. I have dreams that stick with me throughout the day after I wake up when I’d normally just forget about them. I don’t dream like this after spending 5 hours watching movies or binding a drama, but reading for 5 hours before bed seems to put me in a different head space. 

2. Reading is private. I’ll have created a whole world and cast of characters in my head, with no proof of them having existed outside of my mind. 

3. I think it’s for that same reason that I’m not able to remember books as well as I remember movies. I was going through some of my old book reviews on goodreads, and I was shocked to see that I don’t have any memory of some of the books I reviewed. The fact that I had taken the time to put thoughts into words for those books means that those books had meant something to me during that time and yet, the titles and characters were no longer familiar at all, and so it’s weird to be confronted with holes in my memory and being at a loss for how to restore those holes. I guess it’s hard to remember something that never truly existed outside our minds.

4. Reading is intimate. When I read, I can see Elizabeth Bennett while also being Elizabeth Bennett. But when I watch a movie, I see Keira Knightley playing Elizabeth Bennett. It’s one step removed (i.e., diegesis vs. mimesis).

I also don’t feel like I have to look over my shoulder, or be afraid that someone is going to burst into my room and catch me watching something racy and scandalous. The images are hidden in the words and pages. 

4.1. Reading makes me forget about myself. I become the characters and I emerge from the books in a daze. I forget where I end and where the characters begin. When watching movies, I’m very aware of who I am and how I measure up to the actors on the screen. 

There are also 2 types of reading experiences: 1) You’re starting a book and it feels like you’re counting the grains of sand in a mountain. Audiobooks help. They count the grains of sand out loud for you. 2) The other type of reading experience is when you’re 4 books deep into a series and you wish there was some way to make yourself to read faster to get to the end, to find out what happens. But no matter how fast you push yourself to read, it feels like you’ore pushing against a thick, viscous membrane, like you’re trying to find your way out of a birth canal. It feels like you’re running a dream, slow and laborious. 

5. I follow about 10 people on letterboxd and 4 people on goodreads. Whenever I want to figure out whether a movie is worth my time, I just check the reviews from the 10 people I follow and I usually get a pretty good idea of whether I’ll go through with the movie or not. There’s a clear consensus. But with goodreads, I’m only following 4 people with similar tastes as mine, and yet every time I go to check the reviews for a book I’m considering, it’s always a 50/50 split. Two of them gave the book 1-2 stars, while the other two have added the book to their favourites shelf. There is no way for me to judge whether or not I’ll like the book until I actually read it for myself. 

5.1. It’s really hard to summarize the essence of a book. You really have to experience the book yourself, unlike movies that can be condensed into an enticing enough trailer (granted, not all trailers do a good job of raising excitement and some just ruin the movie by spoiling it). 

5.2. It’s cliche to say, but everyone has a different experience reading the same story. Sometimes the tall, dark stranger works in one novel, but not the next. Maybe books are harder to predict than movies (in terms of enjoyment and entertainment value). 

6. Control. I can control the speed at which I consume a book. I can plow through a 200-page book in a night if it interests me enough, or I can read it over 2 days, a week, a month, or even a year. I can hold the book/ebook in my hands and will myself to go faster. It feels like there’s more agency when reading a book, from how your construct the characters in your mind, to how you pace yourself. 

7. An obvious comparison is that of length. Books are definitely longer because 1) there are usually more scenes and 2) the scenes are more drawn out and filled with descriptions of what the characters are thinking and feeling. BUT, what I think that films do that books arguably don’t do as effectively, is use setting and movement to paint a story. I think of noir films from the 1940s like Casablanca where Rick is often cast in half light and half shadow to reflect his inner conflict that he has in having to choose between the woman he loves and his duty to his country. I think of the 2019 Chinese film Better Days where Zhou Dongyu and Jackson Yee have an entire silent conversation with their eyes as they’re crying and watching each other through the prison window. I think about Wong Kar Wai’s In the Mood for Love where Tony Leung and Maggie Cheung’s characters pass each other silently in the narrow stairwell of their apartment building, an intimate, claustrophobic, but contact-less interaction that symbolizes longing and loneliness. 

Final Remarks: Debating which medium is better is a moot point because they each do different things, but I think it’s valuable and quite poetic to consider how each medium affects us differently. I’ve been away from books so long that when I started reading again, the difference in my dreams was obvious. I think one way to test this would be to stop reading for a while and then read again, but I’m also afraid that if I stop reading long enough, I won’t be able to get back into and that I’ll fall into another disinterested rut that might last another 6 years. I want to hold onto this momentum that I have. It reminds me of high school. It makes me feel young again. 

[ohgodmyeyes]

Hellooooooo my queeeeeeen!!! Just a really weird question. When it comes to writing out chapters how many words do you usually aim for?

what a cool question!

My short answer is that a chapter is as long as it needs to be, and that's that. My longer answer, which is just me blathering on about my own shit because I don’t actually know anything about writing/how to write, is below the cut.

For me, the number of words in a chapter is heavily dependent upon the kind of story it's going to be added to. Usually, word distribution evens out pretty quickly once the fic finds its rhythm, and the people reading get an idea of what they can expect (and I get an idea, however vague, of what it is they want).

I think the first chapter of Disassembly has fewer than 2k words, but once everything got established, 2k words stopped seeming like enough to work with. (Granted, I didn’t think anyone was going to read it at first.) Something sort-of similar happened with Counselling. (fyi: almost everything I wrote before Counselling is an embarrassing, structural nightmare and shouldn't be read by anyone.)

Something people seemed to like about Eventide was that although the narrative was linear, it also sort of jumped between moments in time without much transitioning. Some of those moments ended up being longer than others, but overall, they were all communicated fairly succinctly, with as few words (600-1.5k usually) as possible. It's a style I love, but frankly one I'm not very good at executing. I'm so happy I got it right (or almost right) at least once! If I could go back and write that story again, I'd probably add a few more ‘moments’, although not necessarily longer ones. (That story didn't need a bunch of meandering contemplation from Reader; it wasn't her style. She was proactive more than she was a thinker, I guess, which is something else to put that weird story outside of my usual repertoire.)

The 'industry standard' for chapter lengths is 1.5k-5k words, I think, and most published novels don't seem to aim for any particular consistency in chapter length: The chapters are as long as they need to be to communicate what they want to say. Flow and readability is the name of the game in publishing, which I really do think is ideal. 

Fanfiction is (usually) a different kind of storytelling, though, and I find that some of my favourite of my own fics are the ones I can cut into fairly equal chunks (Worthless, Little Box, and Stay Still all come to mind). This is probably because lots of readers consume fanfic incrementally, and lots of authors post as they write. I don't (usually) write way ahead, nor do I ever publish long stories all at the same time. That means having to take into consideration the fact that an audience who's gotten used to 3-5k words of meandering prose every update (as in Disassembly) is inevitably going to be disappointed by a 1.5k word, dialogue-heavy snippet, no matter how well it fits, or how 'good' I think it is. (Likewise, I think a 5k word chapter of Reader's internal turmoil would have pissed off the people enjoying Eventide, no matter how much fun it would have been for me— that's not what they came for.)

(*As an aside, for that Fat Anakin longfic I write, I try to keep the chapters above 2k words solely because I figure that if people are reading the story for the same reason I'm writing it, then they probably need enough time to 'finish up'. Again, it's me trying to read the room.*)

Truthfully, I'd probably think a lot less about chapter length if I didn't share my stuff... but I love sharing it, partly because it's really nice to have the company of other like-minded people while I write. This is my hobby; it needs to be fun. In respecting those like-minded people, though (no one has to read my shit and I know it lol), I might sometimes make structural decisions I otherwise wouldn't. It’s worth noting that fics which are finished probably come off much differently than works in progress to new reader... but since I write as I go, it’s not something I often take into account.

If I were to write a story and keep it to myself until it was finished, I likely wouldn't give much thought to that kind of balance. I've been very, very lucky to accrue at least a small audience for most of my longer stories so far, but I'd be lying if I said that having readers didn't affect some of my stylistic choices. If I ever post a fic that absolutely nobody reads, it might end up looking very different from anything I've written before. (The only way to find out is if you ignore me, but please don't do that. I love you.)

So... the short version of my long answer is that fanfiction is weird, partly because it's more like publishing a serial in a magazine or even airing a television series than it is like writing an actual book. (Could you imagine if some episodes of Loki or TFATWS were 45 minutes long, and then some others were only 6?) Some fanfic authors certainly do write like novelists (and pull it off, too!), but most don't, and I'm definitely not one of them.

Thank you for asking me that question. I know literally nothing about actual writing, but I sure do love talking at length about it, if only to myself lol.

[incarnateirony]

We’re gonna try this again. “Canon” is accepted additions and editions within a body of work (literary canon, western canon, british canon, romantic canon, eg, books in review for genre study; alternately, supernatural canon like episodes are canon, novels and fanfic aren’t.) Yeah? Yeah.

Text is a lot of things. Some people pretend it’s just spoken dialogue or kissing (not sure why the last counts when other visual language doesn’t, according to fandom) -- and frankly I’m working on that Media Studies A Level course to show how to read media text to understand visual language. Text will always be interpretable. 

Subtext is the underlying principle or morals binding the text and adding cohesion based on a series of social codes we understand. And no, for the love of god, I’m not talking about queer coding. Or at least not entirely. I’m talking about cultural and social codes. Did you know it’s actually a social code that letters have meanings and sounds, and that those meanings and sounds build into words? And atop that, a social code that words have meanings, and a social code that when these meanings are combined into sentences or paragraphs, they have collective meanings?  Or that in a serialized production (and recognizing what that means is a code) that episodes are connected in a continuous story that makes previous episodes relevant to understand the next?

Yeah, it’s cool stuff, codes. It’s how our universe operates. That’s why it’s called, for example, codes of conduct. Codes! And codes are not irrelevant to a work, or irrelevant in the discussion of canon, unless you also want to pretend you can stare at a book and ignore what letters mean and the meanings they make and then tell people what you think the book says.

Operative codes are how anything, anywhere -- text, TV, life, society, language -- literally anything works. So I’m getting that out of the way before someone decides to try to announce that codes are just subtext and are thus not relevant to talking about canon because like, no, the opposite. Canon can not exist without codes.

Subtext is not the same as interpretation. Subtext is also, very honestly, not all equally valid, in this “all interpretations are equal.” You can and will fail a paper report if you come up with dumbass subtext proposal that doesn’t hold water. Subtext is also not an inferior part of the body of text or canon, but instead, a binding element that makes any form of storytelling work. It’s not a secret handshake. It’s not whatever you want to make it, but rather, whatever stands in the body of text to address how that text functions within its designated codes. It’s not something you really have to chase.

Despite the general absurdity of pretending only spoken dialogue is text in AV Medium or SPN fandom discussion, I’m going to play within this fandom’s sandbox on that weird talking point within this post, and show that even still, the fandom’s use of text and subtext to dismiss or argue content falls flat.

Let’s talk about Colette subtext. After all, Cas was Colette, right? The problem being with this subtext is, while actually valid and able to structurally hold water, it was immersed. This is, at best, the earliest manifestations of something called Subtext By Question. Alone, this subtext does not mean much, and is distant to the eye of a reader. You have to think about it, and the text has to later turn up something that connects these elements. For example, in this instance, the resulting text manifests in following episodes with who Dean almost kills (although that, itself, is a code of understanding, in that the expectation is to subvert the dark destiny projected for him, so he didn’t ACTUALLY have to kill everyone.) If you look backwards for answers, in Subtext By Question, you can find the reverse-people that were killed and allot them relevance in association. But at this point, you’re really having to scrap around, a season back or a season forward, to find a few key elements. The subtext here is valid, but barely able to be argued as structural. It isn’t central, it isn’t focus. It’s passive. The active element here is Dean needing to subvert this dark destiny in mirror of Cain for important people in his life. The less important element is honestly if you’re going to argue circles about what the Colette placement means (and, if not everybody is following social codes, you’ll never reach an understanding!)

(I’ll also add a brief aside that the subtext here tells a lot of things! It’s subtext is first that Cain did the same things he’s listing to Dean, and that subtext straps back to previous text. One can call the who-is-who ‘subtext’, if one doesn’t apply social codes to what the text is saying: Three people dead, now do it backwards. If you don’t know how to count to three or count to three backwards, then yes, we can call the who’s-who subtext. Unfortunately, ARRIVING to this line of text in retrospect requires chasing a long subtextual line a season back.)

On the other hand, Dean lies. A lot. It’s like, what he do. When Dean says, “I like to think it’s because of my perky nipples,” if one were to demand the text stand alone, one might actually try to argue that Dean honestly believed it was because of his perky nipples. The subtext, on the other hand, is a form of Privileged Subtext. It’s something we, the consumers, inherently understand that no, Dean does not genuinely believe it is because of his perky nipples. But if we’re only holding flat text as canon, and most explicitly only dialogue as text, then clearly the only authentic way to read this without subtext, which this fandom dismisses as canon, is that Dean thought it was because of his perky nipples, and by this fandom’s standard of how to read and receive bodies of text, that was the canon to draw from the scenario. It’s independent. It doesn’t even need to tie anything. Because this is an element that subconsciously remains in the character, perpetually, that we are privileged to knowing. But applying the logic to this is itself a social code (unless you really want to think -- you know what -- okay.)

Now let’s talk about how text is reliant on its canonicity with genuine subtext (not random interpretation), how they connect, and then one becomes the other.

In 11.4, Sam and Dean ride in a car and Sam textually presents, in full dialogue since people don’t seem to grok visual language as part of textual canon (and why I’ll be releasing the course soon, but this should help frame the TEXTUAL end of things for people) -- the idea of a hunter, or someone in the life. This is full dialogue text. Dean dismantles it due to their history, while Castiel calls in, about a case in their area and life at the moment. The text is that Sam is thinking about this and that Dean doesn’t think it’s possible. The text is also that they do have a very closely tied person in their life. The subtext doesn’t even really need to be phrased, simply a notice, within basic social codes and understanding, that these things connect to each other.

In 11.19 The Hunter Husbands arise, and Dean takes his turn asking about finding someone in the life. Here’s the fun thing. The hunter’s text is, and I quote, “Like an old married couple.” There is no physical affirmation, no “I love you” or, more in this fandom’s situation “I love you like specifically in the romantic and gay way” that everyone seems to want. The text “Like an old married couple” is actually interpretable, as any and all text is. On the blatant reading, it’s that they’re romantically involved. On the surface level, they’re only ~like~ an old married couple, which anyone and anyone could assume was a turn of phrase or generalized comparison (and have used this argument on other statements for other pairings in the show; hell, after all to stay in-subject with this post, what if Castiel was just LIKE a wife to Dean with his Colette placement, because gUyS cAn hAvE StRoNG fRiEndShiPs tOo)

So what makes it obvious? What makes it DUHHH? It’s the subtext. And social codes. Why these same social codes fly out the window when the fandom is talking about Destiel is a whole other damn mystery, but they do. The actual willingness and ability to nail down and commit to “like an old married couple” without spinning around in circles about how people might interpret that line, or even willingness TO spin in those circles, is based on the surrounding subtext -- partially drawn from 11.4, partially drawn from Sam meeting Eileen recently and partially from Dean and Cas -- partially from the way they actually physically engage LIKE one of these pairings -- just from a whole plethora of elements that we understand, based on a basic code of understanding: The text is the text and the “Like” isn’t a turn of phrase or relevant even if someone wanted to be a crackpot and argue it. And what other subtext does that make? They Gay. Or you can take social codes of understanding, and stop calling it subtext, and recognize that if two men are married they are queer, instead of abandoning this social code of understanding to explain around it. Without compulsion to argue with antis that don’t exist for that pairing, tada! Everybody’s acting just fine and normal within basic human social codes to understand the text as framed by the substantiative subtext.

Season 15 these elements return, with Dean remarking about Eileen being someone in the life. This is flat, dialogue, central text. The social code in play, being aware that serialized TV connects a story, reminds us that this has been discussed before, in fact with the same elements surrounding them as during 11.4 and 11.19. Eileen has become the person to fill Sam’s previous wondering. Dean’s wondering of the past and current “in a bad place” becomes Subtext By Question, flowing from the previous and current textual elements, to leave a blank space. 

However, that blank space is filled one episode later -- as, in the alternate universe, after the Marriage By Mark, and Cas went Crazy, in full dialogue text, that he had a death wish ever since -- first, that they lost everyone they care about, and then he buried Cas at sea; and, in the same breath, Eileen was the same to Sam. Now, hopefully I don’t have to explain how, if you continue to endorse level and equal social codes (without applying the Super Hard Nightmare Difficulty Goalposts, and changing your codes in application even within a single scene), this pans out in the text. The ironic subtext here is that Eileen is Sam’s Cas. Not the other way around even. It’s the secondary presented element over the primary focus. That’s how it be. But the text is, at this point, that they are literally the partner of each person in regards to an ongoing textual and subtextual story since season 11. 

In result, season 10′s Colette drop kind of feels like swished-out toothpaste, doesn’t it (even if it was written by the same author.) Actually funny enough, to get back down to subtext as deep as Colette was originally buried, one could actually reasonably and structurally argue that, both scenarios being bound by the Mark actually elevates Colette to the front again, as in, Dean’s Colette took the Mark for him, just as he almost killed his Colette and his Abel when he had the Mark, and Dean’s Colette’s price was the same. That is to say: this old, buried subtext still remains an old, buried subtext, but attaches to the surface level text that is itself... text.  That subtext is relevant again, it didn’t just drop off after a few dart notes on a board. But again this also relies on basic social codes regarding serialized television.

But that’s a whole other aside. The reality here is that these elements are all text. The previous subtext of Castiel being on the phone in 11.4 has become fully dialogue *and* visual narrative text by this point in the story. It isn’t a sidelined or buried element. It’s both central text, what few parts might be called subtext based on AV text confusion are still central text, they are literally the focal point of the story -- the meaning and importance of those characters is there in the present, at the core of the lens, not something you’re burying through rubble and playing connect-the-dots on. Any callbacks are to solid, loud, front line elements of the past that are being repeatedly hammered in at the same textual wavelength. It’s just there. 

Heck if you REALLY want to long haul the subtext we can do a full break-out on Sam’s face of it, with Rowena more than once mirroring Cain dialogue to Sam as his mentor, who he killed, as Cain wanted to kill Abaddon, his mistress. And that if Eileen is tangibly Sam’s Cas, then in frame she is his Colette, as Cas is Dean’s Colette. These are the other forms of subtext you’re given to debate in a paper, for example, even if they are not the immediate binding subtext and social codes attaching sentences to each other to form complex ideas in the body of text.

Another fun one I’ve seen is the implication that it’s unfair that Sam and Eileen are banging after a few episodes. But guys-- that’s not in the text. In fact, the only text we have is smarmy tongue in cheek from Dean about a tie (that would be coded text based on social functions) that Sam denied (making the subtext that Dean was wrong about his assumption, and the dialogue is unreliable.) Yes, they have a kiss, that’s fine. But that statement? That they’re banging? That is at best an interpretation, and people would actually struggle to find any substantiative subtext that illustrates this even within operative and level social codes sustained from the previous episodical run. You can’t just flip flop your codes around and say you’re reading it right. That’s how you fail a paper.

So what does this say, then, about people that are objectively refusing the other surrounding text and subtextual elements as textually romantic within the canon? If you can jump there with one, without a basis, why are we bashing down the other one? Ah-hah! You say, but they kissed! Actually, people were submitting this complaint before that, around the time of Interrupting Angel which mirrored Interrupting Moose -- what a wild subtextual connection of old textual elements! (And one the author popped up out of the blue to like my screaming tweet about on twitter, I loves him.) 

But back to the question, where does this take us? If people can manufacture interpretations without even subtext much less text to verify and even complain about the sexual engagements of characters on one side, and when quite literally textually speaking, aside from a kiss -- a performative element, which I remind you, is unspoken, and we’ve been banished by Weird Fandom Laws from using anything other than dialogue as “text” despite AV media study codes -- Why are we here, what’s wrong, why the fuck are people arguing about the text still, or calling it subtext, please, fucking enlighten me on any answer that doesn’t involve “Unlevelly applied social codes.”

Because if we want to incorporate that kiss, a non-dialogue element, as text, we’re about to dive helluva far into what constitutes text in AV medium. And this is going to make the opposing argument even worse. 

But that, my friends, waits for the full AV lesson when I get to it.

And just because I have to apparently put this disclaimer on every post I make: this in no way indicates you are wrong for wanting more text, or preferred deliveries of text, or even specific non-dialogue enacted events to feel complete on the delivery of the text. It’s silly to think “you’re telling people not to want more text!” when like, we’re still all watching the show and stories unfold, right? So we’re all here waiting for more text. Whether the text you get is the text you want is completely up to you and what you hope to see out of a still developing story and it’s your right to want whatever you want. But that in no way removes all of the above objective sentiments regarding... well, text.

[neriad13]

Favorite Media of 2020!

There was a large swathe of this year during which I was unable to concentrate on reading (as there probably was for a lot of other typically-frequent readers), so, as a result, I ended up listening to way more podcasts and watching way more TV shows. Not a bad thing, but boy did I read way less books than usual. 

However, for the first time in a while, the amount of fiction I read was about equal with the amount of nonfiction I read. Last year’s reading resolution was to read more fiction, so...success??

I did read a lot of phenomenal fiction when I had the energy to do so this year.

Books - Fiction

The Martian - Andy Weir

This book is the hardest of the hard sci fi I think I’ve ever read. Every single aspect of it is minutely researched and calculated. The author literally wrote equations to write this book. The science is insanely impressive and yet...it never loses its sense of humor or humanity in the mix. In fact, they’re the thing that drives the entire story.

Warlock Holmes - G. S. Denning

Way early in the year I was strolling down the fantasy aisle at the library, when this cover caught my eye. I took one look at it, went “oh, this looks silly” and...proceeded to devour the entire series in a matter of weeks. 

It is very silly. Especially when it’s pointing out something that was silly in the original. There’s something so satisfying about Watson immediately answering Holmes with the correct number of steps in their flat when he’s trying to make his point about how most people don’t pay attention to things like that.

World War Z - Max Brooks

Every single scenario in here could easily support an entire book. A park ranger whose job it is to contain the yearly zombie spring thaw? HECK YES. I’d read tens of thousands of words about that. A Chinese admiral who defaults, steals the government’s premier submarine, loads it up with the families of his underlings and takes to the sea for years to live in the maritime economy that has sprung up in a world where everyone is trying to escape the shore? That could be an entire movie on its own. 

Every chapter was more creative than the last and as a huge worldbuilding fan, this book was so, so fun.

An Unkindness of Ghosts - Rivers Solomon

In which a queer, neurodivergent protagonist solves a mystery on a spaceship which is a microcosm of antebellum era politics! This had a beautiful, mysterious, wonder-inducing writing style and it was a joy to peer into the wildly differing minds of every single character.

Books - Nonfiction

Underland - Robert MacFarlane

In every chapter, the author visits a different hole. Basically.

It’s an exploration of caves, catacombs, mines, nuclear waste facilities and the hidden underbelly of every forest. It was fascinating. And fundamentally changed how I look at time.

Rejected Princesses - Jason Porath

After years of having enjoyed the web entries, I finally got my hands on the first book and was not disappointed. 

There are the more entertaining entries, of course and the art is as charming as always, but what struck me the most were the more difficult stories. The deeper you go into this book, the more horrific it gets. The author does not hold back on the indignities suffered by the historical figures he writes about. It’s terrible...but also very, very illuminating.

The Gift of Fear - Gavin De Becker

This book - while maintaining all the essential information in it - could be pared down to one sentence in a sea of blank pages and that sentence would be: trust your instincts. End of story.

But in a world where instincts are either customarily suppressed or going haywire, it’s not quite that easy, which is why I’m glad there is more to the book.

I picked it up thinking “ha ha, betcha can’t help a person with anxiety who fears all the time already” and...what it actually ended up doing was giving me the tools to differentiate between real fear and unfounded fear. And did help with the anxiety quite a bit.

Fanfiction

Watch Over Me - cakeisatruth

A Bioshock fic from the point of view of a little sister who is learning how to trust and be an ordinary child again. Dark and sweet. An excellent combo.

All That is Visible - Ultima_Thule

An exploration of a minor character in a well researched historical context? That’s my jam! How did they know?? A Tron fic about what it’s like to be a female programmer in the 70s.

Graphic Novels

The Adventure Zone - McElroys + Carey Pietsch

Yesssssssss! It was a running-to-the-library type event whenever my library got a new volume in. The jokes are so good, the art is so lively and the ways in which they added the details that the podcast couldn’t necessarily get across is *mwah*

Trail of Blood - Shuuzou Oshimi

Hoooooooly shit, the art style of this one!! It’s beautifully detailed and expressive, sure, but the real draw for me was how it changes with the emotional state of the main character. There’s this sequence in which he’s consumed with anxiety at school and all of his classmates become blurry and unfocused, until they can’t be recognized as humans at all, that particularly sticks with me.

It’s a horror story about a kid who witnesses his loving mother push his cousin off a cliff for seemingly no reason and is then obligated by her to keep the secret, which is eating him from the inside out. It’s so good, guys, please read it.

Level Up - Gene Lien Yang/Thien Pham

A story about a kid who is haunted by his late father’s desire for him to become a gastroenterologist. It’s funny and touching and the ending gave me what I can only describe as a feeling of exhilaration. Y’know that feeling when something unexpected but not out of left field, perfectly in tune with the narrative arc and gut bustingly funny happens, all in the same panel? That one.

Film

Searching

This is a fairly standard thriller about a dad trying to find out what happened to his missing daughter. It’s also found footage...but not in the usual way, which was what made it so compelling to me. It’s told through the dad’s phone calls, google searches, social media interactions, news footage, security cameras and webcams. It was such a cool way to tell a story.

Train to Busan

There’s a lot that’s already been said about this movie and I don’t think there’s much more I can meaningfully add to that. Suffice to say that ya gotta take care of each other if you’re going to survive a zombie apocalypse!!

TV Series

My Brother’s Husband

As close to a perfect adaptation as a person can get (barring the entire conversation in English which was...oof). I was so happy when they took it a step further and showed Kana and Yaichi actually getting to meet Mike’s family.

Zumbo’s Just Desserts

I watched a lot of baking shows this year. Like...a lot. They were my much-needed comfort viewing for the year and this one was my favorite, even over The Great British Baking Show (which I LOVE). Why? Because the pastry chef for whom it’s named makes such bizarre and wonderful desserts and fosters an environment in which the competitors do the same. I’ve never seen anything like a lot of the desserts that make an appearance on this show. Every single episode was an awesome surprise and so help me, this show had better get a third season.

She-ra and the Princesses of Power

There’s also a lot that’s been said about this one, so I won’t say much more. Suffice to say: DAMN. That’s how you do an 80s toy tie-in cartoon remake.

Infinity Train

This show’s premise is probably the most unique I’ve seen in recent years. Its balance of comedy, horror and existential dread is also *mwah* I also love how much it trusts the viewer to figure things out on their own.

Primal

A late entry sliding in before the year ends! I finally got to watch the second half of the first season last weekend and it was EXCELLENT. The pacing, the brutal fight scenes, the adorable dinosaur antics, the animation, the quiet moments - *mwah-mwah-mwah-mwah-mwah*

The most emotional moment for me was the part in which the protagonists watch, with sorrow, as the rabid dinosaur who’s been trying to kill them all night dies an excruciating death.

Also it sets up a fascinating new plotline right before ending in a cliffhanger!! Another one for the ‘had better get a next season’ list.

Games

Night in the Woods

This is one that’s been on my to play list for a few years and I was so glad I finally got my hands on it. It’s like...The Millennial Experience (TM), the game. I felt so seen, playing it. The character writing was fantastic.

Prey

I don’t know why I put off finishing this for so long. I guess I wasn’t in the right alien killing headspace for a while?? Anyway, the setting is gorgeous, the alien biology is weird and cool, the ethics are delightfully murky and the interconnectedness of the station was really cool, especially in the OH SHIT moments at the end. 

Podcasts

The Adventure Zone

I tried to narrow this down to one favorite arc, but found that I couldn’t do it. I love Balance for its comedy and creative energy. I love Amnesty for its drama and acting. I am loving Graduation for the depth of its world and the way in which the real story behind everything that’s happened is slowly unfurling. It’s a good podcast all around.  

The Magnus Archives

Who obsessively listened to every single season while playing Minecraft in about a month? Surely not me, nooooo. Of course not.

There’s also been a lot said on this one, so I’ll keep it brief. I’ve seen things in here that I haven’t really seen elsewhere in horror. My particular favorites were the creepy psychiatric hospital in which the horror comes not from the patients, but from the denial of the doctor to believe them about their mental illnesses and every single thing related to the Anthropocene. The one with the Amazonian village made out of trash - CHILLS.

[entamewitchlulu]

ok so i saw a post that annoyed the shit out of me so i’m making my comments on my own post about it. not going to apologize for the length of this or the disorganization and ramblingness of it because I’m really annoyed.

anyway. someone made a post about hating “book culture people”. it annoyed me. first, let me remark on the thread’s points that i did agree with.

yeah. book elitists suck. people who interrupt your reading to say how amazing it is that people still read are annoying bitches. being into books isn’t what makes them bitches, tho.

people who shit on ebooks and audiobooks for not being “real books” also suck. i’m not arguing with that. they suck.

now to the parts i disagreed with that annoyed the goddamn shit out of me

ONE

The Point Made: “Most books suck”

My Response: 

??? way to go shitting on an entire goddamn industry of hard working individuals who pour their hearts and souls into writing stories for YOU to enjoy. Most books do not in fact suck and if you think they do, maybe you’re reading the wrong damn books. 

saying that “Most books suck” and we would lose nothing of value if we lost most of them is utterly horrifying for me to hear because one: again, it shits on the hard work of hundreds of thousands of people. Two, it shits on the reading interests of hundreds of thousands of people by implying that their reading choices are inherently awful and bad. Three, saying that losing large swaths of books would lose nothing of value from the cultural canon IS A FUCKING HORRIFYING TAKE.

I don’t care if you think that romance novel is trashy. Saying that nothing of value would be lost if it disappeared is not only rude to the author, rude to the readers who enjoyed it and found something to like about it, it’s also just -- what the fuck? I cannot believe I saw someone claiming to be a librarian responding to this post in the affirmative. If we lost large swaths of literature, trashy or no, that would be a devastating blow to the cultural record. Even if a book is terrible, it means something. It has meaning to who we are as people and what kind of stories we like to tell ourselves. I’m sure a lot of old timey novels that we still have copies of were once considered trash! Would it have been no great loss if Shakespeare’s plays were simply thrown away? If the epic of Gilgamesh was shattered before it could be learned from? Even the dumbest literature shows something about our culture, and someone who claims that most books are “extraneous” just makes me think that they’re the elitist here who thinks they know how to assign value and objective “goodness” to books.

I’ve read a fuck ton of books in my life! Reading used to be my all consuming special interest from age six to age fourteen before I got into other things. I read literally everything I could pull off the shelf. Hell, this year alone because of having to read so many children’s books for school, I’ve read somewhere around 85 books. They were from a huge variety of genres, fiction and nonfiction, from picture books to middle grade novels to YA to adult fiction, from fantasy and historical fiction to mainstream to classics to trashy romances. I say this not to brag because I don’t think the number of variety of books makes me better than anyone else. I only say this to show that I have seen a pretty decent chunk and scope of the available literature out there currently so I think I have a pretty good foundation for what I’m talking about.

Were all of the books I read good? No! But were most of them “awful, extraneous, and we’d lose nothing of value if they disappeared?” Holy shit no! Some of them weren’t my cup of tea. Some of them were poorly written. Some of them were probably just written for a paycheck. Some of them were culturally appropriative, clumsy at representation, or at the absolute worst, totally terrible bullshit. But most of them were decent. Most of them did the job they were supposed to do to tell the story they wanted to tell. A lot of them were enjoyable. All of them contributed some perspective on humanity, no matter how trashy they were, by giving us a window into what is important to people, what stories are important to our society, and adding to the cultural record about who we are, right now, in this snapshot of life. 

Can you imagine how excited historians would be if they had access to as wide a breadth of literature from other eras as is available now? How many mass market books from the beginning of the printing press are gone now that would have been incredible looks into that era of history and what stories were found to be important? There were probably silly folktales in many of the ancient libraries of old that are gone forever, that people back then may have thought were dumb, useless, and said nothing about their culture - what historian wouldn’t KILL to have access to that “useless literature”?

Writing off nearly every book in existence because you think they’re all extraneous is enough to make my blood boil, but I think I’ve beaten that point enough.

TWO

The Point Made: people who have things like tote bags that say “books are the best” are dumb and it’s performative if you have one of those tote bags or mugs that imply at all that you enjoy reading, you’re clearly a terrible, performative annoying person who brags about all of the classics you read

My Response:

now here’s where the new brand of elitism really kicks in where y’all go like “yeah i like books but I’m not like those other icky readers ugh.” What the fuck is wrong with carrying a tote back that says “I <3 books”? Why are you all so quick to tear people down for daring to have fun, cute things that say innocuous, innocent things on them because they refer to things they like?

Again, when I was a kid? Reading was an all-consuming special interest. I inhaled books. I took home the max my library card would allow me every week. I carried tote bags with sayings on them about books. I wore library t-shirts.

It wasn’t performative. It was an expression of something that meant so much to me that I wanted to make it a part of my aesthetic and style.

Nowadays? I wear a lot of anime t-shirts. And I often see people, even my mutuals, say that it’s cringey or weird to do so. But you know what? Fuck that! It sparks fucking joy! I like wearing comfy t-shirts with cute graphics of my favorite characters on them! It makes me happy! I like having anime keychains on my keys, and using anime character lockscreens on my phone. I don’t do it to perform to others just how much I like my favorite characters, I do it because I PERSONALLY LIKE IT!! It’s not for you! It’s not to show off! It’s cause it makes me happy! I assure you that most people who like that aesthetic aren’t doing it to show off how cool they are for liking books, they just think the damn aesthetic is cute and it matches their interests.

Shitting on people for liking “book aesthetics” is literally one degree away from “not like other girls” and I cannot believe I have to see this new brand of elitism with my own two eyes. Stop assuming that things people do, the things they wear, the things that make them happy, are specifically to piss you off. It’s not about you.

If you don’t like the way someone talks to you about books, if you’re annoyed by their takes on ebooks, audiobooks, etc., say THAT! don’t throw entire swaths of people under the bus just because you’re annoyed with a handful of people for being annoying. There are annoying people in every hobby, it’s not indicative of something rotten with “”””the culture””””””. It’s indicative of assholes being in everything.

Anyway. Y’all say you’re against cringe culture and then you make something new to laugh at. It’s just replacing one brand of elitism with another. 

Let people live their damn lives.