#fucking. RIP to you guys. woof!

[lizmitches]

carla/lisa | ch. 3/5 | 10k words | explicit

The flash happens again, though this time it doesn’t bring the figure with it. Instead, it offers a hazy, ethereal version of this exact moment: empty pizza box on the table, pile of shoes abandoned by the door, dishwasher running at a low hum. The only difference is Lisa’s hand in hers. She turns her head, opening her eyes to the space between them. “Same time next week?”

[idontknowreallyidontcare]

Husband!König has many piercings, some he regrets some he admires himself from getting.

Getting in military after many years of bullying gave him lots of confidence, you can see it. From his lines in game you can understand how cocky and sure of himself he is. He’s a colonel now yes, but he was younger too. I believe he got to hookup more from his 19’s to his late 20’s, this gave him a possibility to discover himself, what he liked and to actually explore himself as a young adult. I believe he has had a brow piercing, the hole almost totally closed because he decided it was too risky keeping one on the field (image he actually rips it off because it gets stuck in something;-; ewwww) He just took it off and never really thought about putting it back in.

Classic but I do image him having a tongue piercing. Like listen, we know König eats pussy for pleasure, he would be okay with only feasting on your pussy for the rest of his life if he could choose to. So ofc, when he started to watch porn and noticed many actors having piercings, and how hot il looked while they ate pussy, he just went with it and got one. The fact that he actually went to a piercer instead of just asking Nikto for help by sticking a mf needle in his tongue and risking an infection, is actually pure luck, because our König is also a proud mf, he takes pride in being good at anything, And why wouldn’t he be able to stick a needle in his own tongue alone! (Thank god Nikto was the one to persuade him, he would’ve gotten an infection).

NOW, König has a big cock, we all know it, he knows it, everyone knows it. And how can his big attributes be highlighted if not by some downstairs piercings??? He’s got one on his tip, unfortunately removed due to the discomfort it gave him by constantly rubbing against his TOO TIGHT pants (whore). BUT DONT BE SAD! He once stumbled across a stack of porn magazines, they were old fashioned ones, probably from late 90’s, depicting naked man and women on each and every page (lol ofc they were porn magazine.)

A model in particular captured his attention, his soft dick resting on the side of a thigh, he could see the small piercings along the under part. Thank god König is also a tech genius, he works with advanced technology every day, so a silly and fast google search brings him to what he is looking for, that strange piercing’s name. Yes everyone, a Jacob’s ladder ;). He’s got one, his dick all hot and bothered form the moment he saw that model’s picture, because he was sure that it would feel SO GOOD to be inside a nice hot pussy, feeling how after each and every thrust the piercings would drag around the insides of a girl, making a moaning mess out of her.

Yes he got one, and he was very careful with it, König is a pretty clean lad, he may not have a skincare, may not use fancy lotions and shampoos, but he knows his routine, he keeps himself clean, even more now that he got the piercings. Well I think he got them in his 30’s, he was already mature enough to understand if he could or couldn’t take care of such an important body modification, and he went for it. He got it done when he knew he’d have the most time off from work, where he knew he could spent at least a few months outside the base and actually be able to care for the wound. Very sexy mature choice woof woof bark bark snarl gnawn

He has a failed lip piercing guys, if got ripped off when a bullet hit his face and scarred a bit of his lips, destiny wanted for the bullet to be deviated exactly by his lip piercing. He’s got a bit of a trauma now, refusing to get another one, but still grateful that the first one kinda saved his life and his face from the possibility of a fucking hole being planted inside of it. He was so sexy too, you have seen a pic (yes a pic, I never see anyone talking about how they actually have technology incorporated in their lives! They take pics guys! Like boomers probably, but they do!) you may try to convince him to get one again, and who knows, maybe he’ll actually consider, but only because YOU asked!! Image now the contrast of his tongue piercing and his lip one while he eats you out, woof woof bark, I’d faint.

[puppyslutposting]

Every time I'm in heat and going to sleep for the night I always have the same fantasy, so I decided to write it out into a fully-fleshed story. Hope you guys love this one! Woof woof! <3

I'm in bed, completely exhausted. It's been a long day, and I can't remember if I even locked the door when I came home but I don't really care. As soon as I got home, I threw my bag down, ran to my room, stripped naked, and jumped into bed. And now that I'm in bed, there's no force on earth that could get me to get up. My heat is annoying the fuck out of me, but I just can't masturbate tonight.

"Maybe I can just sleep it off..." I think to myself as I drift into peaceful slumber, eventually softly snoring. I didn't even get the chance to cover myself with my blanket before I passed out, so I'm laying completely exposed. Not that it matters in the comfort of my own home, right?

-But less than an hour later, I'm stirred awake by the sounds of footsteps and creaking floorboards. At first, I try brushing it off as an overactive imagination, but then I hear them approaching my bedroom door. I panic, not knowing if my mind is playing tricks on me anymore.

"I-is there someone there?" I cry out, shakily. I hear the footsteps stop outside of my bedroom door. Chills run up my spine as I can see the shadows of someone's feet stretching under the door. And then, the door slowly creaks open.

A tall, lumbering dogboy looms in the doorway, his eyes shining in the darkness of my room. He's sniffing the air wildly, until he turns to me and we lock eyes. I'm too stunned to speak, trembling slightly as I hold the blanket over my exposed body.

He slowly lumbers towards me, the floorboards creaking with every step. I back up in my bed until my exposed back hits the cold wall, causing me to quietly gasp in surprise. He's at my bed now, and he crawls onto the bed and towards me on all fours. He's looming over me now, pinning me underneath him. I can feel his warm breath on my face- and that when it hits me.

He smells... Absolutely divine. The more his breath and musk fills my nostrils, the dizzier I get. I finally realized why he's probably here- he's most definitely in rut, and I'm in heat.

"He could probably smell me through the open window in my bedroom," I think to myself. "I knew I should have shut it before going to sleep." But it's too late now. He's here and he's got me right where he wants me.

He buries his nose into my neck, inhaling my scent deeply. He moves his face slowly around my body; my chest, my armpits, my tummy, my thighs, and then slowly up my thighs, landing at my crotch. I moan quietly as he pushes his face against my warm pussy over the blanket. He growls softly in return, before grabbing the blanket in his teeth and ripping it off of me, throwing it haphazardly across the room. I squeak, intimidated by his brute strength.

He pushes his face between my thighs again, and this time I let out a loud moan. I can't help it, my sensitivity is through the roof with this crazy heat, this is definitely the worst it's ever been. His nose bumps my t-dick as he huffs my sweet scent, losing himself in the pheromonal musk of my heat.

And then, he starts licking. Lapping up my love juices like a dog who just found water in the desert. Running his big, flat tongue over my whole vulva with every lick, lubing me up even more with his slippery saliva. I'm moaning and whimpering like crazy now, and I rest my hand on the back of his head instinctively. I'm so dizzy and lightheaded from the pleasure, I don't even feel his claws digging into my thigh until they break the skin and draw blood.

I yelp in pain and flinch, which causes him to come up for air and look at me curiously. He tilts his head to the side, staring me in the eyes, before suddenly realizing what he's done. He jerks his hand away and whines, before finally speaking for the first time.

"Fuck, I'm sorry!... I'm so sorry... I don't know what came over me..." He whimpers deeply, his voice fading as he slowly leans into my bleeding thigh. Without warning, he runs his tongue over the wound slowly. He's clearly back into his rut-fueled trance as he licks up my blood sensually. Once he's had enough, he lifts his head and locks eyes with me once more.

He stares intensely at me, and I can't help but to be even more aroused as I notice a bit of blood smeared on the corner of his mouth. He must notice me staring at it, because he lifts his hand and wipes it away with a long, drawn out swipe. And then, he smirks before pushing me down onto the bed roughly.

In a flash, he's pushing his hips against mine, dry humping my bare boycunt. I can feel how absolutely rock hard and throbbing he is through his jeans and it's driving me crazy. I can't believe how badly I want this random stranger, who broke into my house, inside of me. No, I NEED him. My body craves to be bred by this random dogboy, needs to carry his litter.

I don't even notice myself reaching for his pants and pulling them down, but he certainly does. He grunts down at me needily and starts humping the air, inches away from my leaky cunt, as I finally pull down his boxers. His cock springs out and slaps against my soaking pussy with a very audible smack, sending a shockwave of pleasure up my entire body.

Before I know it, he's in me, rutting into me HARD. He's grunting and moaning with every strong thrust, acting completely on animalistic desire. His eyes are glazed over with feral lust as he stares down at my face, drool dripping from his open maw. I moan and gasp with every deep thrust as he kisses my cervix. I can't control myself any longer, and I start crying out "Breed me, please! Please!! God I need it, I need you! PleasepleasepleasePLEASE!!~"

Hearing this, he leans down and bites my shoulder hard, his sharp canines digging into my soft flesh and holding me down while he ravages my body. My entrance is getting sore now from his knot slamming it again and again, threatening to pop in with every thrust. I can feel him start to twitch hard inside of me, and realize that he must be close. I wrap my legs around his lower back, as if to signal to him that there's no way in hell I would want him to pull out. Not that he would, at this rate. I can tell his desire to breed is just as strong- if not stronger- than my own.

He growls and snarls into my shoulder as he starts trying to push his knot in, but he's struggling. It's torture for me- I feel like I need his knot in me so badly, but i'm just too tight. I whine and whimper and try pulling him in with my legs, but it's no use. I whimper "It won't fit... It's too big..." Quietly to him, but it's like he doesn't even hear me. He just starts slamming against me harder, causing me slight pain not only on my entrance but also my insides as he bruises my sensitive cervix.

And then, out of the blue, he slowly pushes his hips into mine with all of his might, and my entrance stretches around his fat knot until it pops in. I can feel the bulbous girth throbbing hard inside of me, and he finally starts cumming directly into my womb. He pants and howls loudly, like a wild animal triumphantly celebrating a successful catch. Meanwhile, my eyes roll back into my head as I moan deeply. The satisfaction from being so full is insane, it feels like I'm finally being used for my intended purpose. I feel high from the warmth of his seed shooting deep into me, causing my tummy to bulge and ache slightly. He cums so much that some even manages to spurt past his knot, which is miraculous considering how perfectly it seals my cunt.

I already know i'm going to end up impregnated by this stranger- but I don't care. I almost feel more satisfied in knowing that I'm going to grow his litter for him, and it feels like I've done a good job. I can't help but to wag my tail thinking about how cute I'm going to look with a bulbous, pregnant tummy and swollen breasts. Maybe it's just the heat talking, but I'm suddenly thinking i'd make a good puppy parent after all...

Once he's caught his breath and calmed down a bit, the stranger starts trying to pull out. The pain is intense, and I whine and try to stop him with my legs. Eventually, he realizes its just not happening, and he lets out a frustrated huff before pulling me onto my side so that he can lay down while we're locked together. He looks me into the eyes once again, this time looking more sincere, and almost loving. Then, he covers my face in slobbery puppy kisses. Normally, I would be grossed out by this, but I'm feeling so euphoric that I can't help but to giggle.

His kisses slowly get less and less enthusiastic, and I notice his eyelids getting heavy. I'm not surprised- if I rutted into somebody as hard as he did me, I'd probably be passed out by now. It seems like he's trying to fight sleep just to keep staring into my eyes, which makes me smile and blush bashfully. And then, finally, he drifts off to sleep, snoring softly and peacefully. His knot still hasn't deflated, so I figure I should probably do the same. Not like there's anything better to do, anyhow. I wrap my arms around this strange, but wonderful pup and slowly drift off, holding him in my arms. Dreaming about how adorable our puppies are going to be, all night long.~

[weirdmageddon]

yesterday i wrote a scene where jade wasnt a plot device and was left the hell alone in A6A5 because this being dave and jade’s last proper conversation in years made me sad and i wanted to see them reunite properly. i mixed a bit of narration in too even though it was rare around this point in the comic but its just to paint a better picture. also i wouldnt mind feedback on character voice (it’s important to me that the dialogue sounds believable)

[3 years are over, everyone is in the new session. The prospit ship is on LOMAX, as is everyone who arrived on the meteor, safely warped by Jade onto LOMAX as well. Jade has banished B2 Jack to the Furthest Ring already. She hasn't seen her friends in 3 years, not to mention she never met the trolls in person yet.]

[Jade teleports to LOMAX where John was talking with the meteor crew. Her eyes widen when she sees the trolls, giving everyone a greeting. Jade waves to the trolls.]

You’ll have time to catch up with them later. First you want to reconvene with Rose and Dave.

> ==>

Dave... Oh my god! DAVE!!! That’s right! The last time you saw him, he died in your arms after Jack redirected the bullets from your gun into his body!

JADE: dave!!!! DAVE: hey DAVE: this has been three years coming hasnt it DAVE: cmere

> ==>

[Dave hugs Jade with a slight grin on face. He notices her… sniffing him?? but doesn’t even bother to question it.]

JADE: it is so nice to hold your body when its not a corpse :) DAVE: ok DAVE: weird thing to say DAVE: actually who am i kidding who gives a shit DAVE: i almost forgot how much i missed the enigmatic riddlefuckery that is your phrasing DAVE: fortunately i have context for this so i know what youre saying DAVE: humor me for a sec and imagine that i didnt DAVE: but first DAVE: are those dog ears JADE: yes! i am part dog now JADE: because i prototyped my dreamself with becsprite JADE: jadesprite became part of me! and so did her doggy traits from bec DAVE: got it DAVE: oh yeah john mentioned that on the back of his dumb poster inside that bucket that appeared out of thin air DAVE: right before we had to haul ass out of there before jack caught up to us DAVE: karkat had a complete fucking meltdown over that btw i wish you couldve seen it DAVE: damn it feels like so long ago now JADE: heheheh i remember JADE: john realized it at the last second but it was too late! DAVE: of course it was johns idea only he could do something that gooberish DAVE: you know what this means though JADE: yup!! woof woof DAVE: it means youve done it harley DAVE: youve finally done it god damn it DAVE: the evolution of humankind is finally upon us DAVE: the scientists said it would never happen in our lifetime DAVE: but look what we have here DAVE: before me stands mans first legitimate furry subspecies DAVE: homo canis DAVE: as the name implies theyre gay as fuck btw DAVE: its too bad all those scientists are dead and cant witness this phylogenetic breakthrough DAVE: rip to the science community yall wouldve lost your collective shit DAVE: hey jade lets pour one out for the science community for being real ones

> ==>

You are still nestled into Dave’s shoulder. He’s taken a sort of protective position over you. Your perceptive barkbeast ears can hear his formerly bullet-riddled heart beating a mile a minute with the regularity of quartz beneath his time-branded pajamas, all the while he continues to ramble to you about certifiably dumb shit. You can tell Dave is psyched to see you again, even if he expresses it in his OWN bizarre way, which means extended metaphors and topical tangents. What a hypocrite, calling YOUR phrasing perplexing! You sure missed this guy.

You realize you started tuning him out while thinking about all this.

DAVE: jade JADE: umm homo is the species name JADE: so wouldnt that mean were all gay? :p DAVE: yeah that sounds about right DAVE: anyway enough of this bullshit

> ==>

[Dave motions to retract his arms since he doesn’t want it to get too weird, but Jade squeezes tighter. Dave immediately yields to the movement]

DAVE: jesus wow ok DAVE: really happy to see you too DAVE: like if you had a tail it would be wagging so forcefully youd be knocking over all the fucking furnishings in the room DAVE: just slapping it so hard on the owners thigh that it feels like theyre being flogged DAVE: talk about getting bitch slapped JADE: :D DAVE: so howve you been JADE: really really excited to see you guys all again!!! JADE: and to meet the trolls! DAVE: yeah theyre pretty weird DAVE: and im still not used to it DAVE: but it gets more manageable the longer youre around them DAVE: by the way JADE: ?

> ==>

DAVE: sorry you had to go through that JADE: through what? DAVE: seeing me die and stuff again DAVE: except that time right in front of you JADE: .... DAVE: when we were gathering up all those frogs i knew jack was going to appear DAVE: i was waiting and waiting to play it out DAVE: mentally rehearsing my fucking torso getting turned into swiss cheese and knowing you would have to watch on top of it DAVE: i had to make sure it happened to protect the integrity of the alpha timeline DAVE: but if you knew this was going to happen you wouldve tried to prevent it and created a doomed one DAVE: and so i didnt say anything DAVE: i couldnt DAVE: so DAVE: sorry for putting you through that JADE: oh..... JADE: dave D: JADE: well im here JADE: if you ever want to talk about it DAVE: its cool DAVE: you just deserve to know what happened there DAVE: but thanks DAVE: so am i JADE: yeah i know JADE: i guess i should be glad you did that then... JADE: even though i was freaking out when it happened ._. JADE: otherwise you wouldnt be here will us now dressed in your red god tier time pajamas DAVE: yeah these magical rags really are comfortable arent they DAVE: and they stay like perma clean JADE: they are! i would wear mine over and over for days on end JADE: id take a nice shower and put it right back on JADE: and you know how much i love cycling my outfits through my wardrobifier JADE: by the way dave your cape is sooo cool! :o DAVE: thanks DAVE: yeah i love it its hella soft DAVE: its like ive got a portable snuggle blanket with me in case i ever need to drop to the floor like a tired sack of shit and get my snooze on DAVE: ive got a permanent personal reservation at club bed featuring dj pillow and mc blanky JADE: heheheh JADE: can i touch your cape? DAVE: of course go nuts JADE: yaaaay!!

[canonizzyhours]

hey remember that genre of izcourse that was like “if you post izzy critical rhetoric then you are directly responsible for the harassment of izzy fans” as if a joke post abt how izzy is a gay homophobe was actually a form of stochastic terrorism. does anyone else remember that shit. i think that was like the main overarching theme of all ofmd fandom discourse in the hiatus between s1 and s2. like yeah there were other specific things we all fought over but when it came to izzy pretty much every disagreement would eventually circle back to “how dare you say this about izzy hands when izzy fans have suffered so much”

anyway rip to the izzy fans who tried to silence all somewhat negative izzy takes, i imagine it feels very embarrassing that not only did that not work, but then show itself went and validated the interpretation of izzy as ed’s abuser right as izzy died. woof, that’s rough. all that energy trying in vain to make the fandom worship izzy and then s2 comes out and he just fuckin dies bc at the end of the day izzy is just a supporting character in ed’s story. very humiliating for those guys.

and it’s a honestly shame bc this show is actually rlly fucking good when you’re reading with the text instead of all your interpretations warping canon to center around a side character. too bad those ppl shaped their whole ofmd fan experience around their perception of being part of a specifically targeted group of fans, now there’s no way for them to ever approach the show from the angle it was intended to be read (where izzy is an antagonistic side character who is both bad for ed and also who doesn’t matter to the narrative even a little bit as much as ed) bc their perception of the show is too tied up in their personal feelings of victimization. bummer.

#341.

[canonmisogynyvictimstournament]

Now that submissions are closed, we can talk stats. There were 881 valid, unique submissions for 474 characters! Woof, women have it rough out there!

The most submitted characters, with a relevant propaganda snippet included, are:

1. Sakura Haruno (Naruto): 28 [where do i even fucking begin]

2. Cordelia Chase (Buffy the Vampire Slayer/Angel): 21 [OH SO MANY THINGS]

3. Misa Amane (Death Note): 20 [The author of Death Note invented new forms of misogyny just to apply them to Misa.]

4. Kaede Akamatsu (Danganronpa V3): 15 [Oh, you thought we would have a female main character in one of our mainline games? With a cool defining talent, no less? That's stupid of you]

5. TIE: Kairi (Kingdom Hearts): 14 [I'm so mad. I think she deserves a gun.]

5. TIE: Stephanie Brown (DC Comics): 14 [She does eventually get retconned as surviving the event and hiding out in Africa (don't ask, it does not make more sense in context)]

The canons with the most submissions, with a relevant propaganda snippet included, are:

1. DC Comics: 61 [DC has SO MUCH sexism it's laughable]

2. Buffy the Vampire Slayer/Angel: 35 [Fuck Joss Whedon, man.]

3. Naruto: 33 [because Kishimoto hates women]

4. Warrior Cats: 26 [Warriors is one of the most misogynistic children's series I've ever seen]

5. Danganronpa: 25 [I honestly had to think about it just to decide which woman is treated the worst because this series hates them so much]

The canons with the most characters submitted, with a relevant propaganda snippet for a specific character included, are:

1. DC Comics: 21 [Free her from the huge tits back breaking pose.]

2. Buffy the Vampire Slayer/Angel: 12 [Anyways she was so hot and for what. 10/10 my lesbian awakening.]

3. Supernatural: 11 [Yeah, she got randomly killed off-screen for shock value and manpain, but she sent an email right before she died so at least her death wasn't in vain, right?]

4. TIE: Star Trek: 9 [She literally gets teleported out of her clothes in one episode.]

4. TIE: Yu-Gi-Oh!: 9 [One loss is particularly brutal as she falls from a large height directly onto her head and goes into a coma (again. yes this was the second time).]

5. TIE: Warrior Cats: 8 [I'm sure she'll get submitted again just ask any reasonable fan they'll tell you about her and her sister]

5. TIE: Attack on Titan: 8 [As a child soldier, she does commit some war crimes]

And here are some charts to show how some of these entries fucked the scale on my charts:

Look at Sakura, fucking up my chart with her numbers.

On a similar note...

Good god, DC, I know what you did, but add fucking up my charts to your list of crimes.

And now, enjoy some rankings of my favorite things:

My favorite universal sentiment quotes from propaganda are:

She lived she served cunt and then she got killed off super early so that the male characters could experience man pain and also because I guess she would have been too powerful if left alive. [Wen Qing (Mo Dao Zu Shi)]

That design. Dear god. I don't want to live on this planet anymore. [Mitzi (The Queen's Corgi)]

In the end she may have girlbossed too close to the sun, but I support her anger. [Ling Wen (Heaven Official's Blessing)]

the victim of “writer doesn’t understand women and also hates them” disease. [Naomi Misora (Death Note)]

She could 100% kill somebody but nobody ever effing lets her. Rip queen. [Kairi (Kingdom Hearts)]

My favorite raging at a writer quotes from propaganda are:

1. You took every single protagonist to weird lion heaven, Clive, but suddenly Susan isn't good enough. [Susan Pevensie (The Chronicles of Narnia)]

2. Being a woman written by Joss Whedon should automatically entitle her to financial compensation tbh. [River Tam (Firefly)]

3. A lot can be summed up in a couple words, namely, "Furman, why?" [Arcee (Transformers)]

4. Can you tell respect women juice ran in Tolstoy's veins. [Lise Bolkonskaya (War and Peace)]

5. TIE: (specifically a guy called Dan Didio, who we all hate) [Stephanie Brown (DC Comics)]

5. TIE: until Geoff motherfucking Johns comes into the picture [Pantha (DC Comics)]

My favorite quotes from propaganda that have nothing to do with misogyny, y'all are just funny:

I wish I could use bold here, because there's no such thing as uppercase numbers. [Arcee (Transformers)]

the most convoluted and lore dense piece of media this side of the afton criticality. [Jane Crocker (Homestuck)]

ended up starting a gang war by accident [Stephanie Brown (DC Comics)]

Ashfur, who later turns out to be a murderous incel [Squirrelflight (Warrior Cats)]

Hawkfrost is actively seeing Brambleclaw and his evil father in cat hell. [Squirrelflight (Warrior Cats)]

[weemietime]

stay safe in Canada, sorry about our election possibly leaking into your country

Woof thank you very kindly but you guys stay safe in the States! I was talking about this with my mom as well bc the atmosphere in Canada very much follows that of the States which is why Pierre Poilievre is a serious contender unfortunately, RIP to us

I have been offline pretty much the whole day because I couldn't deal with watching Trump win in real-time lmao (I am a pessimist at heart, so I knew he was gonna win x_x) but I feel very fucking bad for all my American homies right now.

My inbox is always open for anyone who needs to vent about this shit. All we can do now is focus on our communities, and control our own actions by reaching out to our friends and helping one another I think!

[trashlama]

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ROR (Record Of Ragnarok) headcanons/IDK drabble turned one-shot

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Jack The Ripper

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This is definitely not for kids!

Like if you're under 18 please just turn back. This is 18+ only!

Just to warn you guys, I literally watched this show almost in one night yesterday so bear with me. And then proceeded to write this. It was supposed to just be some headcanons. And then it turned into drabble and then one shot.

Aaaaahhhhhhhhhh

I re-read this thing a couple of times. I tried to search the internet for quotes that would fit. Cause his character is really into quote'in and shit. I'm sorry if it isn't great I don't usually write so I tried my best. I just was filled with so much simpin' juice for this man at the time so I had to write cause I have no confidence in drawing his character with how badass he is.

Please enjoy!

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Really into aura shit

You got a nice aura? Better watch out. He might seek you out for that warmth if it's too similar to his mother's. Before she went kray- kray-.

Brah has a thing for cute shit

Based on his reaction with the Valkyrie chick he Völundr with. He's definitely into Lolita's.

I'm not a hundred sure what else he might be into. I feel like he's into the whole pure thing and wanting to A.) Corrupt it or B.) Cherish it.

Totally see him as a creep/closet pervert

Too much of gentlemen to be straight up creepy, buuutt still manages to push boundaries, tho whatcha gonna do

Brah is V from V for Vendetta but, minus the whole fuck parliament and being a charred turkey whose like woof- woof- for Evee Hamond.

Brah kept giving me flashes back to Batman by Gaslight.(Really good movie, guess what? Fet. Batman & Jack the Ripper. It's some badass shit.)

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Brraaahhh imagine just being some poor samp having to make ends meet in like one of the recognized most shittiest times. And its the dead of the night, walking home after your shift at the pub that ran later than you would prefer. But hey, money is money.

Everything is quite aside from the inebriated stumbling to their choice of den and the ladies of the night who waited on the curbs for potential customers. Preferably the quick and wasted ones.

Although the lamp wicks were burning bright thanks to the caretakers that serviced them. You being a dumb b*tch just trying to get home decide to pull the white girl move in the horror movie and walk into one of many dark decrepit alleys in London that were spread out like a cobble stone labyrinth.

Only to come across this motherfucker while passing through. Humming the London bridge is Falling Down while hunched over something behind one the local comunial waste bins. Obviously whatever it was had the bizarre-o ivory-haired man distracted enough to not notice your initial presence. If you were a normal self-preservation instinct still intact person you would've ran back the way you came.

Buuut that's too easy sooooo, no.

You—, you decide to play Blue's fuckin Clues and go stroll by the dude to see what he dooooin'.(Kinda like when there's a crash and everyone is like yoo I wanna see. But there's traffic so they slow just a little bit down when passing the crash to see what's up. Cause we all nosey b*tches. Don't lie.)

Didn't even take five steps before this crackhead whipped around to see who was approaching. And in the same short amount of time it took the mustached hetero-chromatic eyed dude to analyze your fluctuating aura of emotions. Meanwhile your ass noticed how this dude was fist deep in this lady's guts playin' doctor with a satchel of equipment at his side. Outfit drenched in the same burgundy colored ooze that flooded from the ripped open abscess in the abdomen of the obviously recently deceased women that was prompted up against the corner where the waste bin met the structure.

Before you could even think of back pedaling out of this situation. The pale haired man had launched himself on you. Quick to restrain you against the gross ass cobblestone wall of the ally way. In the right hand a common barbers knife that'd you find in any supplies shop in london—hovered threateningly above the thin skin of your throat. While the other was kept busy planting you against the wall by the roots of your still pinned up hair.

The desire to allow fear course into your veins was strong as you stared trapped in the heterochromatic pools of mania that belong to the person infront of you. Pools of crimson and glacier keeping you pinned. The former of the two holding almost supernatural glow to it. The gleam of it's light piercing through the veil of fog and darkness like the knife he so carefully wielded.

"What's a young maiden like yourself walking around at this hour in a place like this? And without a chaperon?" The mustached man inquired though obviously not out of interest but, amusement. Maintaining the manic look upon his pale aging features as he peered back into orbs of (y/e).

"It is a blind goose that cometh to a fox's sermon." The older gentleman cooed. Warm breath fan across the skin of your face leaving behind goosebumps in its wake.

The guy was definitely creepy.

Though not keen on being a damsel in destress of any kind. Your ass knew you wanted to survive this counter. And no one from the London yard to the hooker you passed on the corner is gonna help you now.

You had three options:

Scream

Fight

Reason

With a blade at your throat you might as well call yourself Marie Antoinette 2.0, if you chose the first option. Fighting with this dude would definitely be one-sided. From the fact that it took him 2.5 secs to over power you and contain you to a single spot. Yeah that's a no-go. And to be honest you weren't a hundred percent sure if reasoning would work on the psycho in front of you. Based off the fact he's staring at you like a mustached Cheshire Cat with a Mad Hatter's attitude. This is one fucked game of perseverance that you wish hadn't walked into.

Your last resort? You weren't completely sure what yet but one thing for sure; the way this night was looking so far this might be your last time underneath the moonlight. You might as well try something. It's not like you have anything left in your life to lose.

As you steeled your resolve in your mind. Your aura told the middle age man everything he needed to know.

At first glance it was nothing special. Just a cesspool of emotions primarily exhaustion and the normal stress that lays beneath every worrisome thought of the future and tomorrow's problems.

He was just going to rip her up like the predecessors that came before her. However, it was when he pinned her to the putride wall of the alleyway that he saw her true colors.

They shifted like a marvelous rainbow. One moment they were a stressful cobalt. The next a surprised cyan. Than a thoughtful calculative lime green.

However resting a deeper emotion sat next to the core in every flash of color. Remaining vigilant against an invasion from outside forces that threaten to penetrate the brigade that kept them at bay. Was a spec of regretful indigo. There it sat safe guarding the very thing that created its very being. So the same thing wouldn't happen again.

The array of sensitive colors dazzled his senses. The alternating emotions keep his interest peeked and the knife from laying any more pressure on your artery. His receptors in his nerves soaking up the vivid feelings like a dry sponge in the bath water. However unlike the sponge, his body just craved more.

He wanted to see the violet purple. The despair fill her heart. It was his favorite thing.

Swallowing a thick glob of saliva your (y/e) irises began to what you think is nonchalant but, isn't very chalant— scanning your surroundings. Looking for an opportunity to present itself despite the current obvious disadvantages. -cough- knife at your throat -cough- head at risk being slammed -cough-.

The creepy-ass grin from the creepy-ass man in front of you didn't help easing any tension in the little space between you two.

" Sir I nought know why you're doing this but, please allow me to pass onwards on my path. I cannot convict you. I don't even know your name nor what you look like." You reasoned (y/e) eyes filled with earnestness and your soul mirroring the same in a vivid courageous orange and a trepidious magenta.

Eyes trained with one another never breaking for a moment. Not even when his hand with the knife pulled away and was swiftly replaced with the left grasping your windpipe.

He hummed amused with your statement. How foolish you were to think ignorance could save you from your sealed fate.

" How rude of me..." He began.

Successfully instilling even further the threat that was to her life tonight. Not the drunktards who came in on a regular. Not the slim shit wages that barely kept her afloat. Not cholera(that one is a joke because of the time period and where they're at).

The mustached man right in front of her.

Typically he just kills whores. The women who remind him the most of his mother. Though if their soul shines a true brilliant viscous scarlet.... he doesn't mind making an exception or two. After all at the end they all become such a beautiful violet before it ends in white.

Taking an actual intake of her appearance she was certainly not a prostitute. Her bosom was properly strapped down by the corset underneath the fabric of her appropriately length dress that clung to her desirable frame. No cheap lard products to cover her natural appeal.

Only upon closer exception does he notice the faintest of a tan line from a band that has long since been removed.

A ring.

There had been a martial union and as evident with the lack of a band clasped around her dainty finger. It has been terminated. Divorced. Day-old goods that no one wants to touch.

The absence of it told him she had no one to return too.

That she was also abandoned.

That she was free for the taking if he pleased.

But, unlike most Lodon's fine selection of men. Jack actually did have manners.

And a criteria.

And before taking her in he needed to test her.

Can't have distrust in a budding relationship now can we?

" My name dear unwanted maiden is.... "

Hands like snakes from Garden of Paradise enclosed around your tranchea . Effectively sealing away the opening for the air to travel into your lungs.

"....Jack,..."

Cheshire Cat grin stretched across his pale complexion. The insanity in his eyes burning red hot like the poker in the fire.

"... Jack The Ripper! " He said with a joyous glee. Finally leaning in close enough that you could finally make out his full features.

"Now cracks a noble heart. Good night, sweet prince, And flights of angels sing thee to thy rest"

Pools of (y/e) widen with surprise as they maintained the direct line of eye contact with the killer who has been stalking the streets of White Chapel.

Tears fell from (y/n) sockets. Not out of fear or the tragedy of your death. But rather the hurt of knowing you'll never get the chance to have a family.

I'm sorry this next part is ridiculously darker than the rest of this one shot/drabble. IDK how I went down this path but, just warning the next part includes talks of divorce, implied inf@cide, implied ch!ld murder, mi$carriage, oh and I almost forgot just dap of pedo alert.0

Please continue with your own discretion!!!

Since the start you never got to have that family. You never knew your parents. They had left you at an orphanage. Lucky for you that they had room to spare. Most became water logged coffins sealing away the babes from undesirable fates.

It wasn't sunshine and rainbows at the orphanage. You had to pull your weight from a very young age. Those who didn't contribute didn't get food, those who resisted got sent away, anyone who didn't listen came back from lectures with welts and concussions. You pick and choose your battles. And you chose them very carefully for the first fifteen years.

Until you felt the need to defend yourself against one of the caretakers who wasn't so noble. You had shed first blood the summer before. And ever since had been on the edge due to prying eyes and wandering hands.

That summer you left the orphanage and headed to London. Hear say from villagers say all the jobs are in the cities now. Thanks to the Industrial revolution offering more opportunities than ever before.

You had gone. Worked at a textile plant for some time until you met your first husband. And became pregnant with your first kid.

....only to lose the fetus three months later due to the stress your body was under. Children take so much. Even before their born. The nutrients get sucked from the marrow and slowly you lost the battle.

Your husband blamed you, and you did too. You tired, tried, and tried. But, they just couldn't be kept.

It wasn't even a two years later that your first husband divorced you.

You always wanted to be able to try again. To have that child to love and hold, to cherish unconditionally like you wished you had been.

Though staring into those mix-matched pools of insanity. In one last attempt to not give into the fear of the impending end. You thought one last time about your dream.

Jack was both pleased and mystified

Instead of the violet purple he saw within most of his victims. He found a light source that resembled the embers that kept the Londoners warm through the ruthless winters. An eradecent hue that blend yellow and pink into what can only be described as a hug to the senses.

Relaxing and comforting. A guiding light to ease one to rest.

"And light is mingled with the gloom, And joy with grief; Divinest compensations come, Through thorns of judgment mercies bloom In sweet relief ".

Slowly hands like steel latches released their grasp from around your neck. Skin already blossoming with bruises in the shape of handprints.

Without the support holding you up your body slid towards the alley way floor to only be scooped up into Jack's arms, as if weighing nothing more than a few sheets of paper.

"There is something at work in my soul, which I do not understand."

Too exhausted to fight off Jack's tight embrace between the near death experience and the shift you had worked before ever traversing down this alleyway.

(y/e) drifted shut as you listened to Jack whisper sweet quotes of adoration as he took you away. Going only gods know where.

"Love looks not with the eyes, but with the mind; And therefore is wing'd Cupid painted blind. Nor hath love's mind of any judgment taste; Wings and no eyes figure unheedy haste: And therefore is love said to be a child, Because in choice he is so oft beguil'd."

As the morning sun rose above the thick pea soup fog. Londoners would be too enthralled in the newest victim of the ripper to notice that there was another woman that the ripper had stolen. With no body to be found.

The five quotes here are quoted by(as in order of appearance)

John lyly

William Shakespeare

John Greenleaf Whittier

Mary Shelley

William Shakespeare

My other fur-baby is fed up with me editing this thing.

[macaroni-rascal]

Montreal Worlds 2024 Day 4!

My voice is completely shot, my hands are legitimately sore from clapping, ears still slightly ringing, and I had the best damn time!

FREE DANCE

Mrazek's easily won the Swan Lake Battle, team nepotism were fucking awful, and it was even more apparent when a superior team skated to the same music directly after them. Diana Davis walked on the ice for 4 minutes, and did one lift that was supposed to be impressive, but was just shaky. Woof.

Olivia Smart deserves so much better, judges were not kind.

Lim and Quan got a standing ovation and they more than deserved it, they were stunning. I adored every single second of that free dance.

I didn't watch that team, so don't know, don't care, and fuck 'em.

I still don't love Turkkila and Versluis that much, in person they skate quite small and it felt like the program dragged on forever.

OKAY SO. A documentary is being made about the Reeds it seems like, a dude came and set up a camera next to us because Cathy Reed was sitting two rows behind, and he made the people right behind us come sit in our row and us scooch down so that they could get a good shot of her watching her sister. So that was both cute and a little annoying. We were stuck there also for Cpom, since Cpom had already started by the time the camera guy left and we didn't want to disturb others watching. A nice program from R/A though!

Cpom were SO very good. They were captivating and lovely, definitely had more speed at the start of the program, but wow have they ever improved. A joy to watch.

Back in my seat, in time for the small most boring most rip of P/C program of them all. 2/10.

Lajoie and Lagha had me right from the start. Just. I adore them so much. I'm so proud of them for coming back so strong after injury, I cried, I clapped, I cheered. I was fully moved.

Fear and Gibson were just fucking awful. I hated it. She's throw around in lifts and never needs to hold a position, they are doing push ups on the ice, they are standing still for 45 seconds in their choreo step, they are the second slowest team, and god just can they go away already?

Chock and Bates ARE SO FUCKING SLOW. I don't know if I didn't notice it in the RD, but jesus christ so glaringly obvious they were trudging through molasses the entire program. I didn't like the program. It was two cool lifts, and then a slow slog through Madison Chock being off the ice as much as possible. 1/10.

The first time ever the Italians made me happy. A nice program, a nice moment. The dress mishap at then was a little funny, still annoyed they will likely stay in until Milan.

Gilles and Poirier, the third slowest team. After the emotional moment with L/L, I just wasn't as moved or interested in this program. It felt melodramatic more often than not. Glad for them winning the free, now retire already.

MEN'S FREE

Adam coming from 19th to 3rd, what a moment. The crowd loved the back flip, and in the moment, I did too. Why not? He had nothing to lose. Redemption skates always give me warm fuzzies.

Donovan was a lovely time, she's got such razzle dazzle, he needs to work on his speed though.

Goodbye two spots of Canadian Men, that's all I have to say about that.

Love Selevko, he's my favourite.

Kao, it was not your day, or your competition. He kept drilling and fucking up his quad in front of me all warm up, I wanted to shake him.

Jun, it was also not your day or your competition, but you have a nice ina, so it's all cool.

Deniss was a lovely moment, I enjoyed his skate a lot. When he got standing ovation, a rude American behind me loudly said 'why are people standing up, he didn't do that well?' Which was wild.

Jason Brown!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! So beautiful. The single axel honestly made me laugh. What a treat it was to see him skate.

Lukas was also a very fun moment, he's a skater I enjoy waching.

Shoma, I love you. <3

Yuma! What a moment, a shame about the triple axel, but that step sequence is so gorgeous. Can't wait to see him grow and evolve as a skater.

Ilia was there. LISTEN. Okay. Objectively the things he is doing are impressive, I just personally do not find it interesting. You know what I mean? My and my friend were at a sensory overload high and we just booked it out of the venue during his standing ovation before the scores cause we had to get out there. That rude American I mentioned would not stop fucking yelling at the top of his lungs during the skate, I had to plug my ears several times. Good for him, but he's not my thing at all.

GENERAL THOUGHTS AND HAPPENINGS!

Okay, so that rude American I mentioned a couple times, he was honestly hilarious. Another guy was sitting next to him, and the rude American kept giving him all wrong information about skating. Just confidently, with his whole chest, attempting to educate someone with nothing but false info. He kept calling jumps wrong (called flips toe, calls loops sals, and sals lopps), he said that V/M skated to Umbrellas at their first worlds (it was their second) he pronounced salchow like sal-CH-OW, no card C, but chow like chow down, he called several elements wrong all ice dance events, got coaches wrong for several skaters, etc. So hilarious.

I saw Corey Circelli and almost asked him he's like Italy but then didn't.

On our way out, we walked next to Lia, Trennt, and Hannah Lim all talking about Ilia's skate, that was fun.

Thinking of drafting an official complaint with the Bell Center to make their seats 4 inches bigger on all sides. I'm so serious my right hip, and lower back still hurt. Those seats were made for babies.

My wonderful amazing friend who I hadn't seen works at the Bell Center on the weekends, and I got to catch up with him, and then during the men he brought me a hot chocolate. Shoutout to him, he's the bees fucking knees.

I shan't be going to the gala. Thought I could do it, but I am so sensory overload from four straight days of bright, loud, and crowded. I am a person that like dim, quiet, and 3-4 people at most, and I am at my limit. Also, fuck those seats, I can't sit in them for one more minute.

ALL IN ALL! I had SO much fun, it was truly amazing seeing all these skaters I've loved for so long, and being able to really watching and analyze so many different things. I've gained new appreciation, new perspectives, and some new favourites. I am, however, very ready to get home to my bed, my cat, and my space. I'm flying out dumb early tomorrow, and I can't wait!

[captain-mommy-issues]

[Not really Pelipper Mail… Under-The-Tree Mail? That you’re pretty sure was put there by Clavell? Anyways! Once the tornado of four very excited children has rolled through and woken everyone in the house, Arven’s left with a good few things for himself!]

[Firstly, there’s a printed image of an upper-end cookware set! There’s Clavell’s handwriting on the bottom saying “We Delibird left it at the Academy, since your kitchen is there”. You don’t think Delibird know how to write.]

[There’s a few smaller wrapped boxes too! Each one contains a video game: Super Mario RPG, Super Mario Wonder, Super Mario 3D World… the last one seems to be the Wii U version? There’s a sticky note that says “We didn’t know which one :-)”.]

[Wrapped far more cleanly, it seems like Aunt Melony’s enclosed some new picnic blankets (one with the Dogs of Paldea on it, one with the Galar League’s symbols on it) and some custom silverware with dogs at their base. There’s also a hand-knitted scarf there in yellow and purple, with a “welcome to our family” note tucked in, written in clean cursive. Melony’s kids have copied the message below that, with varying levels of cleanliness. Gordie just left his autograph.]

[Finally, for Mabosstiff… there’s a load of home-baked dog biscuits from Aunt Melony, four squeaky Maushold plushies, and a big old squeaky sandwich-shaped chew toy. The sandwich toy’s wrapped in an appropriately-sized dog bandana, with some Herba Mystica printed on it.]

[Happy Delibird Day, Arven!!]

@swagtastic-bougie-pompadour

//I usually don't do this but I feel like this would be cuter if I wrote this one out as an in-person :)

Arven stared in complete awe at all the gifts. He picked up the photograph and laughed to himself, reading the handwriting. Dad, really...

"That actually looks awesome! Arc, don't make me wanna go home already. I'm so excited to use that."

He laughed again and shook his head, then began opening the other gifts. The boy had to do a double take on all the video games. SERIOUSLY? THREE?! That's like $180 right there! But in Pokedollars that I don't feel like converting right now!

"Fucking HELL. Why did you spend so much on me?! I- I thought I told you you didn't have too!" Arven immediately covered his mouth. Right. Children. Don't swear. Contain your 15-year-old edgy potty mouth, Arven.

"Flipping heck," he mumbled to himself awkwardly.

Arven just turned back to his presents, moving onto Melony's. He pulled out the baskets and silverware and examined them, smiling.

"Arc, these are adorable! Jeez, the dogs are so cute... I am gonna use these every day."

He picked up the scarf, taking a glance at the note that fell out of it. He grabbed it, and started tearing up. Just... Wow. Family. He had family. This is his family. Don't Cry, Arven. Don't Cry. Don't Cry. Arcdamnit he's crying. He turned his head down, avoiding eye-contact with everyone.

"T-hank you..." His voice was soft, and slightly shaky. However, he had a huge smile on his face, despite all the tears flowing rapidly down his cheeks. This entire trip has made him so emotional... This poor guy has never spent time with family like this...

His tears were then interrupted by a soft woof. He looked next to him where Mabosstiff was pawing at a present.

"Go ahead, Buddy."

The Pokémon excitedly ripped open the package, very happily wagging its tail at the sight of all the gifts. It excitedly spun around in a circle and barked surprisingly loudly. Arven chuckled, looking back at the others. He stood up and pulled Clavell into the biggest hug ever, burying his face into his shoulder. Most likely because he was still embarrassed about the whole crying bit...

"Thank you," he looked over at Melony. "You too, of course. I... I appreciate this. A lot..."

"Happy Delibird Day."

[pesterloglog]

Dave Strider, Karkat Vantas, Jade Harley

Meat, page 12

DAVE: so we gotta hit jane right in her neoliberal austerity measures were all agreed on that right

KARKAT: UH HUH.

JADE: yeah sure

DAVE: now shes gonna spin some shit about supply side economics but we cant let her control the narrative on that one cause the first thing thats gonna happen once she begins deregulating the baking industry is that some sweet dumb crocodile down in consort land is gonna start putting sparkle glue in the cupcake mix which isnt even the real issue thats just surface issues

KARKAT: RIGHT.

JADE: definitely

DAVE: i mean earth c has just been play acting capitalism the last five thousand years while we timeskipped ahead to live rad lives as gods without bothering with any of the boring shit that goes into making a civilization

DAVE: which is fine i mean you cant really expect a bunch of teens who didnt finish middle school to set up a sustainable form of social democracy that isnt just blatantly ripped off whatever we incorrectly thought obama god rest his soul was doing back in the day

KARKAT: SIGH

DAVE: but janes got this old school mentality you just know she wants to restrict grist alchemy for the sake of “growth” and when that goes down itll take three seconds flat for some nobody in new dersetown to drop the earth c communist manifesto

DAVE: at which point were in for a speedrun of either our 20th century or her 21st century

DAVE: were gonna glitch under the map straight from marx to clown dictatorship

DAVE: which also isnt the real issue

KARKAT: OH YEAH.

JADE: of course

DAVE: are you two even listening or are you just making noises with your mouths

KARKAT: HOW DARE YOU.

KARKAT: I CAN’T BELIEVE I’M BEING ACCUSED BY DAVE STRIDER, REIGNING EMPEROR OF SPEWING ENDLESS VERBAL DIARRHEA DIRECTLY INTO MY INNOCENT HEAR DUCTS EVERY DAY OF MY FUCKING LIFE, OF MAKING THOUGHTLESS MOUTH NOISES.

KARKAT: JADE, ARE YOU HEARING THIS?

JADE: im scandalized

JADE: especially when

JADE: there are much better things we could all be doing with our mouths.....

KARKAT: UHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

DAVE: anyway we all know the real issue is troll reproduction

DAVE: this election season is gonna be so jacked up with dogwhistles jade will never sleep again

JADE: woof!

DAVE: yo get ready for the top propaganda hits of the year

DAVE: alternia: brutal eugenics based space dictatorship

KARKAT: NOT UNTRUE.

DAVE: troll homeworld: lord of the flies nightmare scenario where kids murder each other just to get the chance to get to grow up and murder other aliens instead

KARKAT: IT WASN’T THAT BAD.

DAVE: actual names of professions on alternia: threshecutioner

DAVE: legislacerator

DAVE: minister of sucking the eyeballs out of your fucking skull then putting my two monstrous hr giger tier troll dicks up in there and just mashing the shit out of your brain with them

KARKAT: YOU MADE THAT LAST ONE UP.

KARKAT: ALSO, IT WAS DISGUSTING??

KARKAT: GROW THE FUCK UP, YOU UTTERLY CONTEMPTIBLE, POTTY MOUTHED *CUNT*.

JADE: also you know trolls dont actually have two dicks dave thats an offensive stereotype

DAVE: i know thats the point keep up guys

DAVE: ready for another one

DAVE: trolls: literally ate babies

KARKAT: ONLY THE DEFECTIVE ONES.

DAVE: like you my dude

KARKAT: ...YEAH.

DAVE: so thats why our campaign can work

KARKAT: ...

DAVE: btw im gonna be giving a long form exam at the end of this to make sure youre retaining info because this is only like the most important thing weve ever done collectively

JADE: siiiiiiiigh

DAVE: aside from creating the universe i mean

JADE: its not that it isnt important dave its that like

JADE: the method youre using to communicate it is kinda........

JADE: inefficient and BORING

DAVE: you mean

DAVE: words

JADE: i mean YOUR words specifically!!!

JADE: we already understand the issues at play you dont have to explain it to us over and over again like were twelve

JADE: right karkat???

KARKAT: ARE YOU ASKING ME WHETHER I’VE HEARD THIS EXACT SPEECH ALMOST WORD FOR WORD, INCLUDING REHEARSED VERSIONS OF BOTH THE COLORFUL METAPHORS AND “JOKES,” TEN OR TWENTY TIMES ALREADY?

KARKAT: BECAUSE THE ANSWER WOULD BE

KARKAT: YES, OF COURSE I FUCKING HAVE.

JADE: soooooo

JADE: do you want a projection of her first years hit on the economy down to the decimal with a 0.3% margin of error

JADE: because thats a thing i can do if itll make you stop talking about this stupid election for ten minutes

DAVE: damn hit me up girl calculator

JADE: i dont think youre wrong about janes plans

JADE: so now that thats all out of the way

JADE: its time to get real you two

DAVE: i

JADE: that wasnt an invitation for you to make a pun about having all the time in the world or whatever it was you were going to say

DAVE: oh

JADE: im about to lay out some cold hard evidence so pay attention!

KARKAT: OH, HANG ON, LET ME GET A PEN.

JADE: evidence about.....

JADE: our relationship!

KARKAT: FUCK

JADE: you let me live in your hive when im in town

KARKAT: I CAN’T BELIEVE...

JADE: im preeeetty intimately entwined in both your lives

KARKAT: THAT YOU’RE JUST TALKING ABOUT THIS?

JADE: AND you dont disengage from about 86.234% of my flirtations

KARKAT: WAIT, WHY THE FUCK WOULD YOU KEEP TRACK OF SOMETHING LIKE THAT?

JADE: so....... are we doing this or not?

KARKAT: DOING WHAT?!

JADE: dating dummy!!!!!!!!

KARKAT: OH.

KARKAT: THAT IS

KARKAT: THAT IS... A COMPLICATED TOPIC IN MY CULTURE THAT I’M NOT SURE HUMANS ARE EQUIPPED TO TALK ABOUT.

DAVE: also totally unrelated to the economy

DAVE: which not gonna lie is the only thing i want to talk about for uh

DAVE: for however long it takes for this other conversation to stop happening

JADE: so say no!!!

DAVE: well

KARKAT: UHHHHH

JADE: im not just forcing this conversation for my sake! its for you two as well

JADE: i mean after all this time have you two even kissed yet??????

DAVE: wha

KARKAT: WH-WHY WOULD

DAVE: uhh

KARKAT: WHY WOULD WE KISS??

DAVE: thats

KARKAT: THAT’S... YOU... I MEAN, HE’S... HE’S DAVE.

DAVE: we

KARKAT: AND I’M KARKAT.

JADE: yes hes dave and youre karkat and everyone we know always calls you that

JADE: “dave and karkat”

JADE: i cant remember the last time i heard anyone mention one of you without the other

JADE: the two of you have basically been together since your days on the meteor its SO obvious

KARKAT: TOGETHER, YES. AS FRIENDS.

DAVE: yea

KARKAT: VERY CLOSE FRIENDS WHO UNDERSTAND AND SUPPORT EACH OTHER ON A DEEP AND EMPATHETIC LEVEL THAT GOES BEYOND HATE OR PITY. YOU COULD EVEN SAY THAT OUR RELATIONSHIP...

KARKAT: ...TRANSCENDS QUADRANTS.

JADE: yeaaaaaah not gonna lie karkat but that sounds totally kinda gay

KARKAT: UGH YOU HUMANS AND YOUR UNFATHOMABLE GENDER BASED QUADRANTS.

JADE: ow!

KARKAT: ANYWAY WEREN’T YOU... DATING THAT CARAPACIAN COUPLE? LAST TIME WE CHECKED?

JADE: yeah for FUN

JADE: im twenty three dont you think thats a little old to still be dating for fun

DAVE: wait you saying we arent fun

JADE: whens the last time either of you left the house??????

DAVE: ...

KARKAT: ...

JADE: i think wed all work good together

JADE: and i think weve been dancing around that for years now

JADE: i wanna try dating for real

KARKAT: HAVE YOU EVER CONSIDERED

KARKAT: SORRY IF WHAT I’M ABOUT TO SAY TOTALLY BLOWS YOUR MIND

KARKAT: DATING A SINGLE PERSON, FOR MORE THAN HALF A SWEEP, FOR REASONS OTHER THAN INITIATING THE CONCUPISCENT EXCHANGE OF FLUIDS?

JADE: ok first of all dont slut shame me fuckass

JADE: second of all thats what im trying to do here

JADE: third of all karkat arent you from a culture where people are expected to engage in romantic relationships with up to like five people at a time??

KARKAT: THAT’S NOT

KARKAT: THAT’S NOT THE SAME THING AT ALL.

JADE: oh yeah??? explain the fundamental epistemological difference

KARKAT: WHAT THE FUCK?!

DAVE: ok jade i think theres a flaw in your approach here cause you seem to think winning an argument on super clever logical grounds is gonna get a couple dudes to break down and fling themselves at you in like, a sexual way

JADE: wellll it usually does ;B

DAVE: oh my fucking god

JADE: dave......

DAVE: what

JADE: is this...........

JADE: about obama???

DAVE: what

DAVE: no i

JADE: dave are you in love with obama?

DAVE: jade jesus where do you get this shit from

JADE: is it about jesus then??????

DAVE: no!

DAVE: jesus wasnt even real

JADE: i know he wasnt real!

JADE: wait...

JADE: are you saying

JADE: obama was real?

DAVE: ...

DAVE: yes

DAVE: obama was real

DAVE: he was the president

KARKAT: AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

JADE: all this time i thought obama was like

JADE: an aspirational fictional character that you modeled your life after

KARKAT: AHAHAHAHA I CAN’T AHAHA BREATHE...

JADE: like snoop dog or nicolas cage

KARKAT: THIS IS FUCKING INCREDIBLE

DAVE: they were both real too

DAVE: i know that you grew up on an isolated island in the middle of nowhere and everything but didnt you have like

DAVE: access to the internet

JADE: wow well im sorry i wasted my whole childhood filling my head with pointless things like astrophysics and senary numeral systems that allow me to do complex equations in my head!!!!!!

DAVE: no dude thats kind of fucked up

DAVE: karkat stop laughing jades fucked up childhood isnt funny

KARKAT: HAHAHAHAHA YES IT FUCKING IS!

KARKAT: ALSO SCREW YOU FOR SAYING IT’S NOT FUNNY??

KARKAT: WHY IS IT LIKE SOME SORT OF *TRAGEDY* HOW SHE WAS RAISED?

KARKAT: BECAUSE SHE WAS RAISED ALONE BY AN ANIMAL??

KARKAT: *I* WAS RAISED ALONE BY AN ANIMAL!

KARKAT: FUCK OFF AND LET ME ENJOY THIS!

KARKAT: AHHHHHH HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

KARKAT: NO!

JADE: ill put this in terms karkat will appreciate, check it out

KARKAT: JADE, I SWEAR TO...

KARKAT: YOU BETTER NOT BE DRAWING WHAT I THINK YOU’RE DRAWING!

KARKAT: STOP! CEASE! DESIST THIS MOMENT! DO NOT DRAW ONE MORE LINE!

JADE: oh nooo im drawing a line karkat better stop me before it goes aaaall the way from my mouth to yours!

JADE: see me and karkat have great black chemistry!

KARKAT: IT IS NOT BLACK CHEMISTRY YOU HORRID NON-CHITINOUS WINDBAG!

JADE: and now that daves all chill hed make a great auspistice

DAVE: no

JADE: because you and karkat are kind of like moirails

DAVE: no

JADE: and you and i

JADE: well yknow its always been pretty flirty

DAVE: jade

JADE: EXCEPT!

JADE: in this model..........

JADE: troll quadrants are dumb so we ALL kiss!

JADE: i call this political arrangement:

JADE: fully automated luxury polyamorous space-time communism!!!!!!!

JADE: oh come on that was a good one!

JADE: its politically relevant and everything

DAVE: jade im not gonna laugh at your made up ship name for this imaginary threesome thats not happening

JADE: well ive said what i wanted to say

JADE: its up to you two what you do with it

JADE: i have to go talk to roxy and callie about the election anyway

JADE: call me when you two figure it all out!

KARKAT: WOW WHAT A CRAZY AND TOTALLY IMPROBABLE CONVERSATION WE JUST HAD WITH OUR BEST FRIEND JADE.

DAVE: y...

DAVE: yeah

KARKAT: WHAT A GOOD THING FOR US THAT SHE’S TOTALLY DELUSIONAL AND HAS NO IDEA WHAT SHE’S TALKING ABOUT, HUH?

DAVE: for sure

KARKAT: ...........

DAVE: ..........

KARKAT: WANNA PLAY SOME TROLL TONY HAWK?

DAVE: hell

DAVE: yeah

[willtoledoicedchai]

i'm iris (he/she, 20) and this is my music sideblog. main is @guppybycharlybliss i never use it though. i made this account because i exist to share love and joy and because my brain is a well oiled machine producing deranged things to say about songs&lyrics. favorite artists are. charly bliss sidney gish the mountain goats tyler the creator. underscores. a lot more but those are my top five guys right now. url is based off a joke i have with my friend about what will toledo would order at the coffee shop i work at. the iced chai would be a large and it would have oat milk and no flavor shots. here's ⬇️ a chart of my favorite albums ever in no particular order. hi :)

(open readmore for a list of shows i've seen ^_^)

computerwife, tv girl (08/whatever/2022): bad. i don't even like tv girl that much but it was the birthday of a friend who did so i got us tickets. the speakers and sound mixing were soooo shitty live and without the buffer of admittedly really pretty ethereal instrumentation the sad guy incel type misogyny of tv girl's lyrics is a LOT harder to ignore. also my friend passed out from dehydration so we had to leave early. that experience made me think i don't like live music but nah. i just don't like tv girl. computerwife was good though. shoutout computerwife

people planet, feeble little horse, sidney gish (12/30/2022): kicked so much ass. people planet was good not super my thing though. feeble little horse RULED best band name ever also. sidney gish was like indescribably amazing. my birthday is on new years eve so seeing her live was the last thing i did as an eighteen year old and im so glad it was. she has crazy stage presence and the crowd's energy was great and i ran into my childhood best friend there. all around awesome show. kumo 99, lustsickpuppy, cowgirl clue (03/11/2023): so so so so good. all the acts were amazing but i think lustsickpuppy was my favorite just cause of how insane and captivating their energy was. there was a part where they instructed the whole audience to bark for them and we all started woofing with UNRESTRAINED energy. my friend who i was with broke his glasses in the mosh pit but said it was worth it. three super talented artists and none of them disappointed. fuck yes.

raffaela, charly bliss (04/25/2023): raffaela ruled so extremely hard live and then me and my friend went home and looked them up on spotify and they were just kinda mid. i do have to respect the stage presence required to make mid songs sound straight up transcendent live. this isn't about them though. charly bliss was (guy with a charly bliss special interest voice) nothing short of incredible. i talked to eva hendricks briefly right before she went on and she was so nice and the music sounded so good and the venue was so cool and i was going so crazy. thank you charly bliss.

john-allison weiss, mal blum (07/13/2023): awesome. mal blum is an artist that meant a lot to me growing up and i was right up front like straight up making eye contact with them throughout the whole show and the venue was pretty small and it all just felt like really welcoming and warm and important. they're a great performer. john-allison weiss is also really great i keep meaning to check out their stuff more. the two have been friends for a while and kept exchanging jokes and anecdotes during the set it was really cute. when mal blum introduced a song as "this is about ocd" i cheered REALLY hard and i think i saw them look at me like ...?. sorry mal.

slothrust, the front bottoms (11/11/2023): charly bliss was supposed to be another opener but ended up not being able to make it. how sad. it's okay though because slothrust ripped. i had only heard like two songs by them before but now i'm thinking i need to check out more they were really excellent. the front bottoms were alright! they had good energy i think i just like them more on recordings than i do live. they did a little costume contest bit and the band played the ghostbusters theme which was cute. a good time all around.

peach fuzz, charly bliss (11/21/2023): UPCOMING >:D

[1ightcap]

STARGATE REWATCH BECAUSE IT'S SEMI RELEVENT TO CWR BOOK CLUB AND BECAUSE I NEED SOMETHING TODO WHILE GRINDING IN SATISFACTORY LETS GO

The gate having been unused for so long that air force members have started using the gate room for secret poker is pretty good

oh boy howdy this gate CG though, the event horizon splashy effect is fine but anytime anyone needs to interact with the gate, woof The blonde lady officer being kidnapped also feels very 1997 double oof

The Retractable cobra helmets that gaould and gang wear kinda fuck though. The glow eyes and double layer voice are also cool ass effects, just otherworldly enough to sell it OPENING THEME STILL FUCKS!!! Jack introduced with him look at the stars when a nebbish air force rando shows up, and he is like, quit and switch to NASA that is where the wind is blowing and that's cute but also I WISH. Its air force all the way down on this show.

Also he looks, so goddamn young OBSESSED WITH THIS CONSTELLATION MECHANICAL KEYBOARD

i wish they had kept Daniel's allergies, like, Rodney kept his weird lemon thing and being hornt up about MRI's, let Danny be a soft sneezy boy The Sam intro scene is so goddamn weird. Like we god sexist vibes guy, guy who is talking about how wack the stargate feels and then jack is like super anti science in a way that feels extremely dated. He was star peeping like 5 minutes and now he is like, "a physicist? what is that?". Also she def has some Strong Independent Woman vibes dfghj

"this has nothing do with you being a woman, I *like* women...I just got a little problem with scientists" NOOO. why is he acting like that's a normal thing to say??

Look how much gear they got LMAO. In Like year two of Atlantis there sending folk out into the wilds of the Pegasus galaxy with a windbreaker and slacks Okay them mentioning the gulf war, getting kitted out in full desert ass fatigues and then getting an armed standoff with the civilians on Abados is, uh, sure something

EEE oh yeah the Shari stuff deff pings weird. Amanda tapping's teeth are so white I am not going to note it every time but yeah, very clunky handling of the ~locals~ LMAO that Daniel and Shari keep making out like high schoolers is funny though RIP they kidnapped the only two plot relevant characters FIRST DANIEL TEARS OF THE SHOW. Oh Michael shanks, how they will take advantage of your emotional range by inflicting constant psychic damage on Daniel The Harem of possible wives stuff also very dated, and corny. Also random full frontal nudity of Shari,,, well. i guess it was on showtime. These scenes might be unsalvagable if it wasn't for the actor who is playing Apophis's pure camp

ANOTHER GREAT DAY ON PLANET KOWALSKY. This guy is great hope he lives. Oh RIP no, he got worm'd

[bloggerspam]

Today is the day, and Haley is bite-y.

Whether that is a good thing or a bad thing depends entirely on if one is Haley or if one isn’t Haley.

Since she is Haley, it will be a good day indeed.

The same, however, cannot be said for Dick. 

“YEOW-CH!” Dick’s voice echoes through the room as he rolls out of bed (literally) and flops onto the floor gracelessly. 

You would think an acrobat would have more grace in the morning, but then again, Haley isn’t called Bitewing for nothing. 

“Good Morning Haley...” Dick mumbles as he untangles himself from the blanket. He gets up from the floor yawning, grabbing her loosely under his arm from the bed to put her down on the floor. She could get down by herself, but her boy is very protective of her and she’s in a good mood so she allows it. 

Arf! Her tail is wagging and she’s so joyful she’s bouncing all over the place. Because today is the day! Danny and Jazz arrived last night, and if CW is to be believed, contact was made. That means she gets to see them!!!! If she doesn’t she might go feral and nobody’s gonna like that.

She trots after him as he goes through his morning routine, jumping back and forth and raring to go. 

“Someone’s excited this morning---don’t worry girl, we’ll see Titus soon.” 

WOOF! She feels her tongue lolling out as he picks her up and heads to the car. 

She can’t wait.

===

Jason is having a shit day. 

He woke up later than usual, burned his eggs, and couldn’t find his copy of Persuasion anywhere in his apartment. 

One of his goons got caught up with some of Penguins thugs and is currently in the fucking hospital. 

Dick invaded his safehouse yesterday with Babs in tow and blackmailed him into going to Sunday Brunch. 

And now he’s found himself in the middle of a shootout, six to one. 

He’s had worse odds, but he twisted his ankle dodging a knife to the neck and accidentally got cornered in a dead end alley with barely any space to maneuver. 

Thankfully there’s only two left. It’ll hurt like a bitch, but he can manage. He reloads his guns, just about ready to jump out from behind the dumpster he’s using as cover when the shooting suddenly stops with a scream. 

He peeks over with his guns facing out and shoots one of the thugs down. He switches to the other guy, only to pause.

The thug’s on the floor, getting viciously mauled by a puppy. Judging by the rips and blood the puppy bit the guy’s ankle, maybe even tore into the dude’s fucking ACL. The pup is doing its damnedest as tearing at the guy’s face, to a somewhat great success, only to be fucking slapped away into the fucking wall. 

That, Jason does not fucking like. He shoots the guy in the face for that shit. 

Once he’s sure all thugs are down, he races over to where the puppy landed after hitting the wall. 

After a thorough checkover, the pup seems to be fine--just a little bruised and unconscious. He breathes a sigh of relief and zips up his jacket to make a pocket for her to sit in.

He stands up, collecting the guns the thugs had and tying them up, dragging them into a pile for Gotham PD to collect later. 

He’s just finished up when the pup starts moving, prompting him to immediately cradle her. Her eyes flutter, and when she meets his eyes she lights up with an excited little waff!

She tries her damnedest to climb up to his face, so he brings her up by the armpits and gets rewarded with a slobber all over his mask. He chuckles, pulling her away at half-arms length. 

She stares back calmly, her panting and tail wagging betrays how happy she is just to see him. To see Red Hood. 

He gives her a little kiss through his mask, before putting her down. 

“Go on now. I think it’s time I go home. Thanks for the save, girl.” He’s just about to shoot up a grapple when he feels a tug on his pants. 

When he looks down, the feisty pup has her jaws locked on his left pant leg. 

“What? You want me to take you to the vet or somethin’?” And then the damnedest thing happens: she shakes her head at him. He crouches down and thinks about it for a second--before he thinks fuck it.

“...You wanna come home with me, girl?” She jumps up to try and give him some doggy kisses, but isn’t big enough and only manages to almost kick him in the nuts. 

It’s so ridiculous that he can’t help but laugh. He picks her up, and grapples home. 

After they’ve settled in for the night, showered and full of good food, he turns onto his side and brings her small doggy body up to his face. 

He breathes her in, feels her nuzzle on top of his head. 

He falls asleep to the rhythmic thumping of her little doggy heart in his ear.

===

Titus is lightly dozing next to where his boy is enjoying the Sunday Morning painting in the garden. 

Damian is doing a series of paintings on the Wayne Garden, right in the clearing where Ace passed, at varying times of day. Today, his boy woke up early to paint the garden at Dawn. 

Titus, on the other hand, has been taking naps throughout the night. 

Jazz and Danny arrived yesterday, and he’s been vigilant in tracking their auras. 

Danny’s is a beacon, compared to Jazz’s, so it’s not that hard. He can tell they split up in the middle of the night, and whilst Jazz was a foregone conclusion, Danny’s choice surprised him. 

But it’s not his business to question Danny’s choices, as long as he’s nearby. Haley being in a different city has been irksome to deal with these past 2 and a half years, and he was prepared for Jazz to have the same problem. Hopefully, having Danny close by will ease his...worry. 

His ear twitches, and he raises his head to face the house. Huffing, Titus sits up and looks towards his boy. Dami is just about finishing up, so he makes a low boof noise. 

“Hm?” Damian looks over at Titus before checking his watch. “Ah. Thank you, Titus.”

Titus, mortifyingly, feels his tail wag aggressively as Damian starts to gather his art supplies. 

He can feel Haley on her way, and from different directions, Danny and Jazz. 

Once Damian is all set, Titus grabs the folded up easel in his jaws and makes his way to the house. 

Time to gather the troops.

===

Tim is, for once, the stalk-ee and not the stalk-er.

Somewhere, Bruce and Jason definitely feel vindicated for no reason, he’s sure of it. 

Tim is in civvies, fresh from a date with Bernard and heading home. All night, he’s felt eyes on him, but still he does not know who is watching. 

Figuring they might be waiting for a chance to get him alone, he decides to walk home instead of calling for his bike. It’s about 6 blocks from the restaurant, so there’s plenty of dark alleyways to stage a confrontation. 

He’s clutching the panic button in his pocket and pretending to be busy on his phone (he’s hacking the CCTVs) when he finds the perfect alleyway. There’s a fire escape he could vault, and a dumpster he could easily use to his advantage. 

He pretends to drop a coin, chasing after as it rolls into the alleyway. He makes sure to slowly crouch and feigns struggling to pick it up with his gloves on when he hears the soft taptaptaptap of...claws? 

He turns around to confront his stalker, only to find a small puppy standing at the mouth of the alleyway. 

“What the--” He turns, still crouching, to face the dog, flummoxed. Is this his stalker? But that can’t be--he’s been watched the majority of the night at the restaurant, and a dog can’t get into a restaurant. 

But stranger things have happened.

“Can I help you...?” He tries, wary and feeling slightly stupid. His family dogs may be above average intelligence, but Tim knows better than to expect all dogs to be like that.

Woof! The pup, tail wagging, makes his way over to Tim and sits down. 

Okay. So this is really happening. Sure. He heaves a sigh. 

“Just give it to me straight, pup. Are you stalking me?” The dog huffs out a laugh, tongue lolling out. Tim is about to call it quits because what the fuck, the dog is laughing at him, when he realizes he can properly see the dog now, under the streetlight.

“Holy shit.” 

===

Bruce makes his way down the stairs just in time to catch Dick bounding in with Haley in tow. 

The pup is big now, and comes over to give Bruce a hearty hello, but thankfully leaves him slobber free. 

She does not, however, leave him bite free. But, well. The entire family is used to that by now, and she doesn’t bite down or particularly hard unless you’re a sleeping Dick, so he gives her a pat on the head before letting her go. 

She circles him once, twice, before bounding over through the halls, no doubt off to find Titus or some other unsuspecting victim. 

He and Dick exchange hugs and small talk as they make their way into the kitchen. Dick is looking very smug, and the reason is clear: when they enter the kitchen, they find Jason helping Alfred with the Brunch menu. 

His heart swells--he and Jason have been getting along a little better lately, but it’s still a pleasant surprise to see him at the Manor. Dick makes a detour, leaning on the counter right at the edge (he’s not allowed to interfere or enter the kitchen proper, but he can spectate and heckle). 

The morning is soft, and warm. 

“Good Morning, Master Bruce. Master Dick. Brunch will be served in 20 minutes. Might I suggest relaxing in the living room while you wait? We have guests.” Alfred’s smile is conspiratory, but Bruce cannot fathom why. Maybe Selina has stopped by with Harley and Pamela?

Dick perks up. “Guests?” 

“Master Tim and Master Jason have each brought a guest,” Alfred confirms. 

Bruce raises an eyebrow at Jason, but his son only gives him a smirk. 

“Replacement’s guest is a real sight to see, Dickiebird. Try not to have a cow about it.” The joke clearly goes over their heads, so Jaylad rolls his eyes and shoos them out.

When he and Dick enter the living room, it’s a sight that clenches at his heart.

His children have gathered up an abundance of pillows to pile and scatter throughout the floor (Alfred will not be happy) to make a sort of pseudo nest. They’re all piled and layered over each other--Duke is stuck under Damian who has his legs trapped by Cassandra whose arm is hooked with Steph’s and so on and so forth. Even the dogs have joined in, right at the center. 

Titus is curled loosely around two small fluffs, making a sort of parenthesis with Haley whose tail is smacking Harper on the leg. 

The two pups are clearly the guests Alfred was talking about, and it brings a smile to his face. One of the pups, light brown mixed breed from its appearance, lifts its head to see the newcomers, and he can already see Dick melting. 

“Hello there, what’s your name?” Haley perks up at Dick’s voice, but the newcomer places a paw on Haley’s flank as if to shush her. The peculiar thing is that it works. Haley huffs, gives Dick a demure little lick on his hand before laying back down. 

The pup gives a little woof, which Steph helpfully translates as Dog. Red Hood apparently isn’t good at naming his companions, but the pup clearly does not care. She straightens up as if proud of her name, which causes a ripple of chuckles around the room.

The other pup, the greyish one, starts to wiggle. Dog looks over, and gives a little nudge with her snout. 

“Bruce, Dick...Meet Bat Hound. He’s…well. I was thinking he could stay here since I’m always here anyway.” Bruce looks over at Tim, who is now roused from his doze and rubbing his face. 

The pup has lifted his head now, but he’s facing away. Titus, who has been laying sentinel next to Bat Hound, huffs and lifts him up to turn him around. 

And there, right on the side of the pup’s neck, is a patch of black fur in the shape of a bat. 

Dick squeals--there’s no other way to describe the sound he makes---before picking up the pup and presenting him to Bruce. 

Bruce, out of body memory, takes the pup under his armpits and stares. 

“Maybe...” He starts, as the pup keeps eye contact with him in an oh-so-familiar way, “Maybe we could call him Ace."

“Are you sure? I didn’t want to...” Tim is by his side now, and he understands the hesitation. But for some reason Bruce can’t explain....it feels right. 

He looks over to his eldest, who is now holding Haley in his arms.

“I think...” Dick starts, “yeah, I think Ace is the perfect name for the little guy.” 

Woof! Judging by the tail wags and excessive dog kisses, Ace is in full agreement. 

---

Now with an AO3 link!

Danny decided he needed a vacation. He had recently gotten shapeshifting powers in his ghost form, because ectoplasm could be molded and stretched. The only thing that needed to stay the same was his core. He decided to become a puppy, and live out a few years with a good family. Unfortunately, he got involved in a dog fighting ring, and to keep his cover, had to go along with it. But that didn’t stop him from sending messages to the local bats. He’s rescued along with all of the other pups, and Batman had taken a liking to him. He’s named Ace and brought home with Batman. Bruce quickly found out that Ace (Danny) was scarily good at reading people, and after Ace had broken out of a locked cage and saved Batman more than once, that he now had a sidekick that was his dog. Danny was having his best time being a crime fighting dog.

[nedflix-n-chill]

12 Days of Christmas #6 Nutcracker Massacre My dear sweet aunt (Kevin's mom) always said if you can't say anything nice then don't say anything at all. So I'd like to say that at least this movie lives up to the title... actually wait, no. Calling it a "massacre" is being generous. There's only a handful of kills and they're one at a time and spread out like a traditional slasher. And they don't "crack" the nuts more like rip them completely off. Yeah I'm talking testicular trauma. That is literally the highlight of this film cuz the rest... woof. Now my mom always said, "me and your dad are getting a divorce and it's 100% your fault you little shit" but that doesn't really have anything to do with anything other than that she immediately left after that and didn't impart any important words of wisdom that would keep my from being mean to a low budget indie film. If anything her absence leaves me with a vitriol I can redirect and project onto bad movies. This ain't good y'all. Hey I'm totally down with the idea of a little Nutcracker coming to life and terrorizing people. I love that segment of Trilogy of Terror and suffered through the majority of the Puppet Master films just because they're about little guys. It doesn't matter that they're terrible who doesn't love those murderous little guys? Except this Nutcracker isn't a little guy but a full grown man in a costume and like even in scenes where he is supposed to be an inanimate object it's still played by a guy in a suit and is clearly moving when they're not supposed to, couldn't even be bothered to slap the suit on a mannequin. There's also long ass scene at the Nutcracker store or whatever that solely exists to explain the Nutcracker backstory and honestly it's so fucking stupid. It's cool that professional grade film equipment is now available at a fraction of the cost and people who may never have gotten a chance are out there making shit... but like y'all don't have to follow up on every idea. Ooh, there is something my mom told me that might actually apply, "I should have never brought you to term." Does that work in this scenerio? https://www.instagram.com/p/CmXRRXYvQ7f/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=

[vinnival]

Not sure if asks are open, but if they aren't, then just self this one aside for later.

How would Main 3 + The Auditor react to a reader (platonic or romantic, your choice) who's armed to the teeth (i.e. full body armor, complete arsenal, grenades and the like) and kills their foes in very gruesome ways (i.e. ripping in half, head crushing, etc.), mostly with only their bare hands?

So basically Armageddon but packed up into one (1) normal sized intimidating grunt? Gotcha, comin right up ☺ enjoy!!

Damn, Double

Homicide

HANK

Now the way he would react would depend on if you met him in his normal form or MAG form

In his normal form, he'd constantly just stop and watch you rip up your enemies in battle

Like to the point he'd get so distracted that he gets hit or smth

And then you set your sights on whoever hit him

Rinse and repeat

A lot of people theorize that you probably find joy in killing even more so than Hank himself

But you still don't replace him dhsgjdh

Every time on a mission, the three would let you sweep through first, taking out the enemies as you pleased, throwing your grenades and molotovs, whipping out your AK for good effect, etc

He loves the fact that you're just a complete softie when not on a killing spree

(Kind of like him)

Now on the other hand, for MAG Hank...

He'd be crushing, ripping, and tearing right alongside you

You're kind of a power couple in that way if that makes sense?

I can also see him viewing you as like. Competition

In a way

Like he'll always be a bit more aggressive and quicker when battling alongside you

You noticed it and also started playing along lmao

You two definitely walk away from an explosion (that you caused) and don't look back like one of those cliche action shots in movies

Both Hanks love you and you two fiercely protect each other

SANFORD

"Listen I get self-defense is great. But isn't that a bit... much...?"

"Coming from the man that wears no shirt? Really?"

He is always very confused about your over-protective armor and battle tactics

But it gets the job done and you're SICK with it, so he leaves you alone after that one remark

A little jumpy around you but thats fine, he still loves you

You've saved him one too many times to count with your EXTREMELY good reflexes

Gets a little frustrated because sometimes he thinks he's underperforming on the missions

Poor guy, he just wants to vibe but no you're always choosing violence ???

Except not at home he also adores the 180 you take when the armor and weapons are off

Wants you to teach him the sacred ways of Skull Crushing

He never truly gets it down but he knows a thing or two about breaking femurs and the like

DEIMOS

WOOF WOOF ARAARRAAR BARK BARK RAAAAWWRAAAA WOOF BARO BARK REOOOEWOOOO

yeah

A little scared of you

Cheers you on and hypes you up in battle

He is so fucking impressed by you

Personally thinks you're just as strong as if not stronger than Hank

Literally just. Hugs you after every battle. Even while still decked out in gear

Definitely a supporter of your battle style and helps build new weapon gadgets for you to play with

When he's finished with the said gadgets he just approaches you in a trench coat (where did he get that...) and just opens it like a shady dealer on the streets

"hey kid want some L E T T U C E"

Hes always flirting with you. Always

You'd be done twisting the neck of your 44th enemy and Deimos would whistle from across the room and be like

"DAYUM YOU DO THAT IN BED TOO???"

everyone else scolds him because he needs to focus in the job

definitely wants you to teach him a thing or two

AUDITOR

Wonders why you act like a MAG even though you're not

Still adores you

He's just sat there and watched you tear apart anyone in your way and like,, he loves it

Once again, you're his personal bodyguard

Tbh he is also a little scared of you but you're on his side so he's lucky

What is this emotion... is... it... pity? For the enemies facing you? Whaaaaa???!?!

Encourages your battle tactic, suggesting new ways to attack

Gave you a while building to train in

Sometimes he'd get that Kick(tm) of adrenaline when you'd look at him immediately after you finished battling, that wild look of "KILL KILL KILL" in your eyes burning into his own

Kinda feels like he'd get attacked next in that moment

Sometimes overthinks about you and your power

But you're always right next to him, cuddling him, when he does

And then he's reminded that you actually love him and would never attempt to betray him

<3

I can see the pattern: askers just wanting a reader thats always choosing violence as the answer and. Me too man